#and THATS why he and armand are perfect for each other-

[luckydicekirby]

belated director's commentary ask: talk more about how daniel sucks in all human decisions <3

LSDFJKSLD wow thanks for giving me an excuse to talk about my favorite subject, daniel molloy being The Worst <3

so all human decisions is about like. okay it's about multiple things because I couldn't shut up, but it's partially about daniel learning to see himself in armand (objectively a monster). both in the very obvious He's Not Human Anymore way, and then also drawing that out into--well, was he ever? like yes, he was human, but hasn't he always been a monster? he's always been an asshole and a bad father and cared more about sexy vampire stuff than his actual children. A bit of repetition I like is the two lines about Daniel playing favorites--first him lying about not playing favorites with his daughters, and then admitting later he had always played favorites between his daughters and his work.

Daniel being a terrible father is soooo important to me. I actually went back and forth on whether he should ever have an actual onscreen conversation with his daughters in this fic, because maybe it would have been fun/effective to like, show him trying and failing to connect with her, and also probably being a huge asshole. In the end I don't think I would have written something super interesting, and I wanted the phone call with Mellie to be one way and silent on Daniel's end basically to extend out the "veil between them" metaphor from "no maker-fledgeling vampire telepathy" thing--I tried to describe it in the same language, etc. (this is something I had a lot of fun with in TVL because Armand is constantly bringing it up as a reason Lestat and his fledgelings are never gonna make it work, so I stole it a little.) Another thing this fic is about is about how parenthood and vampire parenthood is the same and both of those are about how you can never understand your children (unless you're both evil freaks, have you tried that?). (Actually I BRIEFLY thought about making the reason Mellie picked up the phone be that it was like, her birthday, and she thought Daniel was calling about that and he didn't even remember [both because he does habitually forget his daughter's birthdays, and bc vampires probably keep horrible time!]...I think that would be Too Much and also distract from Armand's serial killer shit. but fun concept!)

(Speaking of Mellie there was no way to get this into the fic but, like, she hates being called Mellie too. She goes by Mel. Daniel do you like even listen to your kids when they talk.)

I did also have fun with just having Daniel kill a lot of randos in this fic. He's a vampire he's gotta eat! It's something I think about a lot re: Daniel becoming a vampire, both in how they're going to do it in the show and how it plays out in Queen of the Damned. I HAVE posted about this before but i WILL talk about it again, but the very very final scene of Devil's Minion isn't Daniel's turning—it's Armand bringing him to a girl to eat her:

He could have wept to think of it, wept at the deep-throated moan of the trumpet—and yet he wasn’t weeping. He had caught a strong seductive aroma. God, what is it? His whole body seemed to harden inexplicably. Then suddenly he was staring at a young girl. She sat in a small gilded straight-back chair watching him, ankles crossed, her thick brown hair a gleaming mop around her white face. Her scant clothes were dirty. A little runaway with her torn jeans and soiled shirt. What a perfect picture, even to the sprinkling of freckles across her nose, and the greasy backpack that lay at her feet. But the shape of her little arms, the way her legs were made! And her eyes, her brown eyes! He was laughing softly, but it was humorless, crazed. It had a sinister sound to it; how strange! He realized he had taken her face in his hands and she was staring up at him, smiling, and a faint scarlet blush came in her warm little cheeks. Blood, that was the aroma! His fingers were burning. Why, he could even see the blood vessels beneath her skin! And the sound of her heart, he could hear it. It was getting louder, it was such a . . . a moist sound. He backed away from her. “God, get her out of here!” he cried. “Take her,” Armand whispered. “And do it now.”

and that's the end of the chapter! Okay there's a lot to unpack here which I will not be unpacking but I do think it's so so interesting that Daniel freaks out here--this guy has been begging to be turned into a vampire for a decade! DID he ever stop and think about what it really truly means to kill people? I wanted to carry over a bit of the horror movie aspect of this into the end of the fic, which is how I got to Armand puppeting the avatar of Daniel's daughter around. I was also having trouble getting the ending to gel and what ended up really helping it come together was realizing Mrs. Nameless Miami Suburban Mom was going to die--she actually lived in the first version of the ending I wrote, and Armand was kind of like aw how cute he doesn't want to eat her! how silly! But I finally got to her dying as kind of an extension of Daniel's neglect of his daughters...like, he can want to protect them, or have a relationship with them, but he never actually puts in the work. And he can want to save this random woman but once she was offstage he forgot about her <3

[princelestatdelioncourt]

Tell us more about your mortal days...Tell us more about your time with Nicolas. Is not much explained in the books about these times and we would love to know more about Nicolas.... What did you like most about him? what did you hate? (we love Nicolas)

-smiles- First of all I am very happy to know you love Nicki. And allow me to tag here my Nicki @monsieur-nicolas-de-lenfent if he if his mun want to make an input on this. :-) I would love to, since the books are only explained on my point of view and I really would like to know his feelings and emotions during that period of time.

So in regards your questions....

More about my mortal days. There is not much more than hunting and spending time with Nicki and later on in Paris working at the theater and either can be explained in deeply if you tel me exactly what do you want to know. Becasue each moment can be explained with different emotions.

Tell you more about Nicki...what do you want to know about him? - smiles- That I loved his company and even we had deep conversations I loved his cynicism and ways of thinking even if I was not agree. I loved his dedication with music and when we composed his new songs and I tried to sleep and he kept hitting "that" note that was not perfect and there he was again over and over until it was all perfect. Sometimes I protested "Nickiiiiiiiiiii could you stop you can find that note in the morning lets just sleep now" -laughs- I pretended I hated it but actually I loved it and still makes me smile just thinking about it.

What else do you want to know about him? again this questions might have thousand answers depending on what you are really looking for. Remember, ask the right question and you will receive the right answers. Something I ave learned over the years and mentioned in the books.

What I loved most about Nicki... everything. I just can say his eyes or his dedication, its just him. The whole him, the good and the bad. The soul. Him. when one loves someone, that loved is for the whole being not just for that specific thing. I loved Nicki for everything he IS. I loved when he made me smile when I was upset becasue I always had to do thing around the Castle. I loved when we were just drunk happy and we just were unable to laugh becasue I loved to his laugh. His eyes shone, his lips on that beautiful smile. All of his shining with that happiness. I loved these moments to last forever. Also, if we get a little bit private on answers, he is an amazing lover. I have never, ever, in my whole mortal life, experienced anything like with him. I dont know still what he did to me, what he gave me, what he said, what he touched...well...lets not mention that haha....but it was such an orgasmic sensation like never before. I really dont know how to explain it with words. Universe. Big Bang. Inexplicable. And I am sorry, no sorry, for whoever heard us, if you know what I mean. Nicki is a marvelous person inside and out. Yes I know I have said about his darkness and get scared about it but back then didn't not understood. I was a naivee. I thought he was just happy and saw he had so much more deep inside. And I wished I have known all of that and hold his hand and go into this Savage Garden together learning from each other again. Learning from his fears, darkness and all his emotions. Nicki is amazing and should be more respected, understood and loved. He is NOT crazy and I hate people has that etiquette on him. Nicolas the mad man. I hate that. I hate people thinks that. Nicki is a marvel man, he was a tremendous light and soooo much love to give. He is the most deep loving person I have ever met. He is reserved and cynic yes but he has so much love and he is such a good person. I regret so much the fact that I never went to save him, I regret that so very much, I regret I left him with Armand, I see now how things were back then and I see myself inexperienced and terrified. Terrified for Nicki. I was a monster and I never wanted him to suffer in his vampiric life. I wanted him happy. I did not want him to see me a monster and get him scared and leave me. So I had to hide from him and set myself aside and pretend and act cold. and I hated that so much it ripped my soul in pieces. To see the one you love most fade away is something I do not wish to anyone. I gave my mortal life to Nicki when we were at the Village and later on in Paris. The only one by my side. The only one that loved me for who I was, for my mistakes and not be that perfect. For loving me when I needed help with the acts and he helped me to learn the words because was not able to read. He had that patience with me when not even my mother did. So for all of that and more, thats why it was so extremely horrible when slowly I saw him fading away. Thats why I have never said much about it becasue it hurts. Our fears of good and evil now present. Now me as this monster and unable to be with him anymore. I hated Magnus with all my being not for only making me what I never wanted but for breaking into pieces my life, my love and my happiness. Not even a chance to one last night with Nicki, no, he just came and kidnapped me. And I could not bare the thought of Nicki seeing me like this. How much I wanted to hold him, to kiss him one more time. But he could not see me like a monster. I never wanted to hurt him. I never wanted to stick my fangs on his neck and get him. My nature screaming for blood when he was around me that night at the Theater when someone shoot at me and Nicki ran to me and he was around. I screamed to him to get away. When really deep inside I was screaming his name, I was terrified and I needed him, I needed to hold him. I needed to tell him everything is ok. And that horrible night I gave him my blood after all his suffering with the Coven of Satan, I gave him my blood with love and hope we could once again be together. To

continue our conversation forever To travel around the world together. To even complete that fantasy we had to one night play for the King Of France....I gave him my blood on an act of love. And seeing him unable t talk, move or do anything really broke me inside. I didn't know if he hated me more now, I didn't know what was going on inside of him. I could to read his mind. I felt i didn't know what to do. And I thought he hated me now for everything. That last night at the Theater when he said these words to me, I just didn't know and both of us acted with just the emotions we felt at that time. cold, hate, fear, broken love, separation....whatever it was. His eyes were fire, his words venom and i tried to see my Nicki in there and I know now he was there. He was upset and he had his reasons and I do now know, and always knew, I should have never left him there. At that moment, I only saw he hated me and I just could not bare to stay there. Why to stay if he does not loves me anymore? so I left with my mother to travel the world. And let me tell you, There was not a single night I thought about him. I had him always present and I prayed one day everything will be ok. I prayed for his happiness. I prayed that he still could feel love towards me. For all we had and went through before. I prayed that his words to sink together were not real and just words....

So there you have it anon....you made me explain more than I wanted to. With tears in my eyes I wrote this becasue these years will forever stuck with me no matter what and no matter where I am at. But i dont want to end this with a sad note. Just remember what I have said about Nicki. He is marvelous, he is beautiful inside and out. Understand him, do not hate him. Allow him to be him. He is strong, he is just amazing. And no one, none of my other 8 fledglings is like him. And they know, each one of them know what I still feel for Nicki. They understand and respect that and I am so grateful for that. I love each an everyone of them but what me and Nicki had is beyond what I had with any of my fledglings. Remember, I met Nicki when I was still mortal. We shared life together, something non of them, minus my mother Gabrielle, have experienced with me. Not even that time I was on Davids body, even these days were a wreck..different story. So even if I have said that Louis got me more deep than Nicki, perhaps is when I do not allow my "mortal" side of me to get out. So again, yes, What I had with Nicki is something no other had. its deep to the core.