#and Imma keep saying it I’m genuinely asking this like I don’t understand why we care so much

[starlooove]

Actually don’t go in those notes very rancid in there

[shindisworld]

How (E1610! & E42!) Miles would comfort you when you’re insecure/upset

☄. *. ⋆

A/N: hey loves! I hope you’re all doing alright and remembering to take care of yourselves. I decided to write this since I’ve been in a bit of an emotional funk myself the last few days and figured I could use this as a pick me up. Without further ado, enjoy :)

E1610! Miles

He notices you acting a bit different when he first came into your room after patrol

“Amor, what’s wrong?”

If you decide to tell him he’ll just sit beside you and listen intently, not interrupting at any point

If you decide not to tell him, he’ll totally understand, he’ll just go up to you in your bed and sit down. He’ll take your hand gently in his and start rubbing patterns into your hand with his thumb.

He’ll kiss away any insecurity, doubt, or fear in your mind

“Mi vida, you are the best person I know. I love you more than you can even imagine, you mean the world to me. Regardless of how you feel about yourself imma remind you how much you mean to me every day, alright?”

He genuinely can’t see how you don’t see how amazing you are

He wishes he could just give you his eyes so you can see all of the wonderful things he sees about you

He would do anything for you. No matter how silly it may be. If you asked him to get you the moon he’ll try to get it for you

If you start crying or look like you need a hug, he’ll wrap his arms around you tightly and whisper sweet nothings to you while he just holds you

“It’s gonna be ok, baby. We’ll get through it together. I’ll be here every step of the way.”

If you feel like talking he’ll try to distract you by telling you about his latest art project or something dumb in attempts to make you smile

If you don’t feel like talking, he’ll just cuddle with you (he’ll even be little spoon if you want him to be, he just wants to make you feel better)

If he can make you start smiling again, even if it’s at him doing something done, he’ll feel like the luckiest boy on earth

“There’s that beautiful smile. I love you, my sunflower”

E42! Miles

It’s safe to say that Miles isn’t the best with feelings

Ever since his dad passed he just learnt to bottle his emotions up

That was until he met you tho, ofc

When he came into your room and saw you crying in your bed, hugging your pillow, he could swear something inside him broke

He immediately went over to your bed and wrapped you in his arms

He isn’t the best with verbal comfort, so he tries to show you how much he loves you

“Take your time, mami. We ain’t gotta talk about it if you don’t wanna. I’m here for you regardless, ok? I got you.”

He’ll hold you for however long you need

He’s also making a mental note to buy your Shein cart (or other shopping list if you don’t use Shein) when he gets the chance 👀

While he’s holding you he kinda has this realization moment that he would do anything to keep you happy.

He already knew you meant a lot to him, but the way you cling to him and visibly relax into his touch has him planning out his future with you in his mind.

When he notices you stopped crying he’ll just wordlessly take his thumb and wipe the remaining tears off of your face

“Baby who put all these negative thoughts in your pretty head? I’ll beat they ass for you. You have no reason to feel insecure about that, I love it about you. I love everything about you. You betta not forget that.”

It don’t matter if you insecure about your height, weight, appearance, personality, anything-

it👏🏽 does 👏🏽 not 👏🏽 matter 👏🏽 to 👏🏽 him

This boy is CRAZYYYY about you, he could care less about that stuff

“Ma why would I care about something like that? I love you the way you are, I wouldn’t change anything about you except the way you see yourself, mi sol.”

You feel so relaxed that you start to drift off in his arms, and as you do he kisses your head and holds you a bit closer

He’s so protective of you, not in a bad way, but if he had the chance to take away all your pain and give it to himself he would do it in a heartbeat

You taught him how it feels to just feel again, and for that he’s gonna love you forever 💜

👾-That’s all for now, loves! If you guys have any suggestions, comments, or anything really feel free to just message me! Don’t forget that you’re valid, I love you, and to treat yourself like the royalty you are 🫶🏽💅🏽

[alphaofdarkness]

Okay Dany, convince me to ship Kidge. What is the appeal of this ship? (genuinely asking because I've only watched season 1 and I'm curious)

⁉️👀⁉️

Not gonna lie anon, your question caught me off guard at 2am on a Sunday,, I was like 😳

“Oh shit someone's asking me?? About a ship?!” The intimidating question was so real and all I could do was literally go on a feral tirade on why I love Kidge so much and legit made no sense and just kept wondering in between moments of clarity on how I can properly defend myself on why I like the ship 😩 (not that I need to or have too, enough time has passed where I can say,,, just let me ship and be blissfully happy UwU, I do not car e anymore lol)

I will say that I want to keep this brief (as best I can, because heck I went feral just talking to myself on why I like the ship), I’m not the best at explaining things like some other amazing people might in the ship tag. But take what I say with a grain of salt and hope I don’t scare you off with whatever I do type.

**Note: This is not entirely brief liike how I wanted and I hate myself,, feck,,, I failed step one immediately**

Imma do bullet points, thoughts and prayers y'all cause I did my best to explain my chaotic thoughts lol ;;w;;

First and foremost! I definitely recommend that you watch the show in the general scope of a viewer and not just focusing on a ship. I think everyone should and would be aware of that~ but much like my initial watch I wasn’t paying much attention to the show and lore and story because I was distracted~. It wasn’t with Kidge at the time, but it definitely impeded my watch in the beginning as well as me falling off the fandom for a while into season 3-5. Plus, me rushing through those seasons when season 7 was coming around like, blood hell Alpha.

I think it goes without saying because the show is really good and love the found family aspect of it most importantly 👏🏼👏🏼 I am a sob and a fecking mess about this trope and I will forever cry over it.

I highly recommend watching the show in increments too instead of just binging it because you will lose information much faster 😭 and also it is just so fun to look forward to watch it the next day. I had so much fun this month just rewatching the show and am kind of depressed that it’s over lol 😔

Don’t cry because it’s over be happy for the journey (and all the fanfics you can reread again with full, understanding knowledge 😌)

Additionally, it is fun to reflect on the episodes re-watched, to better retain the info, at least for me, I can be slow with digesting new information (especially after so long), but it also made me giddy just talking to myself about the silly or serious shenanigans happening in the episode.

Second of all! I don’t want to convince you to ship Kidge 😩 I want you to convince yourself on why they would be good and cute together from your perspective! 👏🏼👏🏼

I personally think that they just work so well together, and while their initial interactions are short and brief, I love seeing them just standing next to each other or sharing panels during the fight sequences through much of the early seasons! I will say liike season 7 (even season 8) is like a holy grail for Kidge shippers because— 😩👏🏼 AH, took a while to get there, but we made it besties!!

Considering you’ve only seen season 1, I won’t dive into too many spoilers! To the best of my ability, I will say, I tended to focus on where the two stood by one another a lot and how they interacted in their lions and as Voltron and outside of it! ~

1. They both have family members/familial others on the trip to the Kerberos mission and just the whole concept of them looking for their respective familial figures.

Like that’s is the first part of the whole “WE COULD HAVE HAD IT ALL 😩” the way the two of them are shown to fight tooth and nail to save and go out of their way to figure out where their family members are is just 🤧✨ I truly believe if there was an opportunity to grow and develop them together it would have been over this.

I also find it incredibly fascinating that they are two of the most prominent characters that dive into their backstories in flashback sequences through the seasons ahead (we got a glimpse of Pidge's backstory in season 1 with a few more down the line). And how similar the two are in some of their experiences like school and being bullied and how their familial figures guide them (Shiro to Keith and Matt, and her father, to Pidge).

Hell, all of this could have been played as platonic all the way through or something more. Like I was there for it 👏🏼 I feel like this is a strong cemented stone on why I ship them a lot and keep me going on the potential their relationship could have been if they knew one another before the pilot episode. I just think it would have been cool, two conspiracy theorist bypassing the government to search for the truth!

2. They are literally the right and left arms of Voltron; the sword and shield ✨

I sincerely wish so much that again their relationship could have been developed more in the early seasons with this aspect, especially since we see how developed both Lance and Hunk are with each other (I mean they are literally best friends at the Garrison, I needed most of that with Kidge especially since they would be the opposite to them so it would have great to see them develop together as the arms of Voltron 🤧).

I just think it would have been nice to see it play out on how well they work together on the field and off it. I will say! It isn't all lost, especially into season 3 and like late season 6 and onwards! I say the dynamic of Shiro and Pidge in their lions and as Voltron currently is what kind of develops in Keith and Pidge later! I hope you can make sense of that later on as you keep watching 👀!

3. Other general things about their tropes and personalities just give me more fuel to ship them, such as:

Them both being introverted to heck in their respective ways; the techie nerd and the emo loner like,,, sillies!

I am always someone who loves looking at character color palettes and how they mesh well together; so believe me I lost my mind when Kidge shippers literally came up with Kidgemas cause of their red and green colors and I just *screams* 🌿🔥

I love both their personalities and how similar, yet different, they are to one another in that respect; they both have a drive and fire in them, their sarcasm and jibs to the others is so funny.

I'm not over season 1 episode,,, 2? Of the team training together and like,,, first of all, the two's small spat because Pidge couldn't concentrate during the mental exercise, but literally leaping to her defense when Allura threw food goo at her like,, Ah I just love her sarcasm to Allura then "The princess of what, your not ours--" and i just like go off queen, but also please no fighting 😩 y’all are going to be family ah,,, i love my dysfunctional family so much ya'll

Keith making a face at the action and immediately "Go loose, Pidge" LIKE AH! 👏🏼👏🏼😩😩

But they also have their calm moments of serene clarity and peace that is heighted with their interactions with the other characters as well!

I also noticed how they both tend to be the mature ones in some cases and some situations when around the other or a shared mature figure like Shiro; Keith by like a lot, clearly, but I was increasingly surprised by how Pidge maintained some serious temperament during missions, especially when around Hunk and most definitely around Lance lol (It is funny tho how serious and mildly annoyed she gets to his flirtatious ways, but can also immediately just let her guard down and have giddy fun with him when something catches her interest, it's so cute and hilarious 😌).

I also just love their development through the show of just letting their guard down around the others overtime! Especially with Keith and how his lone wolf personality melts away (believe me I lost my mind at how many sweet moments were between him and Hunk and IM just here crying at how Keith was able to smile and have fun around him 😭 💛❤️ got me all emotional i fecking criED). As well as Pidge with the others, especially after she told them about her true identity and how she wants to be able to work with them better without any secrets (On a side note, I wish there was more moments with Allura and Pidge earlier on ;;;o;;; SHE LEARNED ALTEAN FOR HER AND CORAN AND IM JUST,,, sweetie I love you! YOUR HONOR THEY ARE SISTERS! 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼).

Ah shit, is that season 1 or 2? ;;w;; well, she learns it a nice fact! My girl is such a genius like how did she not like,,, move up grades in school, she is so intelligent , i could never. Not gonna lie, I feel like the team wouldn't be as successful with intel if they didn't have her and her tech wizard skills because DAMN.

Also how Keith was so up and arms when Pidge wanted to leave initially like!? Please ;;w;; sir has abandonment issues, please don't leave sweetie (´°̥̥̥̥̥̥̥̥ω°̥̥̥̥̥̥̥̥｀); but also a similar scene occurs, very briefly, later on in reverse :) so take that as you will! It is very small, almost negligible if you aren't paying attention to it.

It is made better by a concluding panel that Kidge shippers just lose their minds over ! (Me, I am kidge shippers and I lost my mind over and over because they are just — *cries and sobs* perfecto!)

Very minor thing, but the height difference (in general im weak in the knees for this) always gets me crying, screaming, throwing up, going feral on the ground. My dearest Pidge, she may gain some legs later in life, but like she is definitely still tiny and I sob, give us short queens some representation because it is so hard out here, and we will kill you (not Allura bending down to her height in that episode she was planning to leave; how NOT to talk to a short person Allura lol 😩)

I think it goes without saying that the whole team, including Keith, are protective of Pidge like as they should be and I just *grins mischievously* can say with confidence that he do 😌

Definitely more of a personal headcanon, and there is a Kidge art of it floating around somewhere in the tag, if they actually had more moments and trained together, but I love Pidge being taught on how to defend herself, especially one on one and like her managing to take down Keith in training and he's just like "⁉️⁉️😳⁉️⁉️” God, I love a woman that can kick my ass trope *chokes*.

I am a sucker for hearing their voices and tone and emotions, so you know for damn well I am listening to them just say the others name in a soft or sarcastic tone lol (I love Steven Yeun's voice, my Glenn 😭, I am a mess for not appreciating Keith before in my initial watch of the show).

Ah, I can go on and off about them, especially about the later seasons but like you're just going to have to take a look of it yourself as you go into it 😌

Once again, I definitely recommend you watch the show for what it is in its storytelling and lore and character development; you can keep a close eyed view of Kidge in the background, but definitely rewind for the moments or stop and pause or rewind for the information given in story.

I hope you enjoyed my nonsense speak and take something away from it or ignore it altogether. I don't mind, I want you, overall, to convince yourself on why you would like to ship Kidge as you watch the show, if at all! We are all here for a fun and good time after the show's initial debut 😌🌿🔥

Have a small doodle of Kidge! My first time drawing them after like 4 1/2 years and I am just,,, yelling at my growth in art and how cute I made them look; mild spoiler, I suppose, of their older selves appearances~ Hope you like! 😌✌🏼

Enjoy your day anon!

[moonlightdancer26]

Manipulative Dumbledore isn’t a bad trope in fanfiction and it was implied from the first book when he says “truth…should be treated with caution” that he is a character who can’t be trusted to tell the whole truth, but sometimes people take it wayyyyyy too far, especially when they’re like “Tom Riddle turned evil and became Voldemort because Dumbledore r-ped him!” or something like that.

I feel the exact same way, anon (no seriously- it’s like you walked into my brain or smth).

These, in my opinion, are two separate tropes. The one where they take it too far and turn him into a blatant cartoon villain is what I call “Greater Good Dumbledore,” the other one where they keep it accurate and make his character all the more complicated is what I call “Manipulative Dumbledore.” They sound the same, but I personally separated them into two completely different tropes.

The reason I want to read manipulative!Dumbledore fics in the first place is because I want this fandom to explore the darker side to his character, which we see being established in canon, more so in the last book. He is on the good side, yes, but he’s ambiguous and can be misleading. You can never figure out what’s going on in that ancient head of his. But in some fics they just push it way too far. Dumbledore in canon is very much manipulative, whether you love him or hate him; that’s just a fact. But my GOD does the Greater Good Dumbledore trope thoroughly demolish that.

Those dunderheads turn him into this one-dimensional mustache-twirling cartoon villain when in canon; his character is so much more than that. It just screams lazy writing, not to mention cliché as hell. If you’re gonna turn a character evil, at the very least get it right, for the love of god.

Dumbledore in those fics is evil… for… the sake of being evil. When the protagonists (be it the trio or the Marauders, depending on the era) confront him they try to make his goal “clear,” they merely have him parrot the same words: “B-but for the Greater Good!,” “W-well it’s for the Greater Good!,” “No Harry y-you don’t understand… the Greater Good.” His inability to argue in those fics is just absurd. Genuinely absurd. Putting aside the fact as to how bloody disrespectful it is to his canon character.

I realise that in many of these fics… they never actually make his goal clear. Like I stated above, they make him evil for the sake of being evil. He has no clear motivation. They don’t explicitly state what his ulterior motive is. It’s pretty much all like “Yeah lmao imma just let this kiddo be abused then raise him like a pig for slaughter. Why? ‘is for the greater good so idk man I guess it gotta be done. What’s the greater good? I dunno dude it’s just the greater good, aight?”

Villains hold the power to make (or break) a narrative, usually the biggest reason the story’s central premise/plot exists in the first place is because of them. A well-written villain is just as important as a well-written protagonist. There are many—often times conflicting—factors that go into making a good (well-written) villain, but his haters fail miserably to do so.

Everything is black and white to these people, and it is absolutely enraging.

Well I—er—*takes a deep breath* I certainly got angry there. My apologises for the slight rant, anon! I’m just very passionate about Albus. Thank you for your ask and have a nice day.

[worstloki]

(submitted by @lookimtryingmybest)

I wrote something.

(Trigger warning for using it/its pronouns to dehumanize someone because the TVA does shit like that.)

Ravonna had seen so many Lokis, she’d lost count. She’d seen them young, old, good and bad. She’d seen them in all forms and sizes. She’d even seen an alligator Loki once.

But this one was different.

If there was a thing that made a Loki a Loki was their defiance. A Loki refused to give in, no matter how much you may hurt it. They always found ways to screw you over and run away. But this one, this one had no fight in it.

This Loki was a tricky variant. It had escaped Thanos’s grasp at the worst point of its torture. The TVA had chased it throughout half a galaxy before catching him right before it entered Asgard. 

Lokis. So predictable.

It was shaking, already crying–Lokis always cried– and stumbling in its feet. It was the perfect blank slate. 

She ignored its pleas of “don’t take me back to him, please, I’m useful, I’ll do anything, please don’t take me back.” And turned to C-22?.

“Take it to the memory chambers.” Ravonna said.

~Ω~

“Mobius, meet your new assistant.” Ravonna said, allowing the new TVA tool to step from behind her. “This is Sati.”

Mobius smiled a stiff, fake smile. “A pleasure. I’m Mobius. Mobius M. Mobius.”

Ravonna seemed to sense his discontent. “Don’t worry, I assure you, Sati’s an expert on Lokis. You’ll get along great.”

“I look forward to working together, sir.” The ex Loki said. Its smile didn’t reach its eyes.

~Ω~

“I could be useful out in the field!” Sati complained. It was starting to get annoying, with all its whining and crying for attention. Not even the memory chambers could take the attention seeking out of a Loki.

“You’re not allowed.” Mobius said, running out of patience. “Besides, you’re too valuable and this variant is too violent.”

Sati pouted. It looked pathetic. “I understand. I just… wanted to help.”

“You do help, you’re our walking Loki archive.”

“A library could do my job.” Sati muttered under its breath.

“What?”

“Nothing.”

~Ω~

“Loki, this is Sati, my assistant and our… well, our you archive. It knows everything about you. Every detail.”

Loki eyed the ginger man. His hair looked dyed. 

Sati beamed, offering a hand. “A pleasure to meet you, I look forward to working with you.” He almost sounded genuine. 

“The feeling is mutual.” Loki said, giving him a fake smile.

~Ω~ 

“So…” Loki said, as they waited for Mobius to exit his meeting with the judge. “If you’re a me-expert, why am I here?”

“You’re the one that sold himself as indispensable.”

“Question of survival, really, now stop dodging my questions.”

“Reasonable Loki response.”

“Do not–”

“Evade your questions? I won’t. To be honest, I don’t think this variant is a Loki at all.”

“And you need me then to…?”

“Confirm my theory. Get a look at this variant’s seidr signature to compare it with your own. Then maybe they’ll listen to me.”

“You know about seidr?”

“I’m a Loki expert. I know everything.”

“Yes, well, people don’t usually care much about seidr. T’is–”

“A womanly art? Yeah, that’s bull’s crap. I wish I could learn it myself.”

“Maybe you could.” Said Loki, giving one of his mischievous smirks.

Sati rolled its eyes. “Imma indulge you. How could I?”

“I can see people’s seidr, but not here. Magic is repressed here. No magic, no colour, it’s so dreadfully empty. If we went outside, I could check.”

“I’m not allowed in the field.”

“Yes, yes, you’re too valuable an asset to lose to a rogue me-variant. But we could go somewhere safe. Somewhere isolated.”

“That’s against the rules”

“So?”

“…I’ll think about it.”

Loki smiled. 

~Ω~ 

“We were near her, I think she’s a she her, but she had lit everything on fire so I was a bit preoccupied trying not to be burnt alive than to read her seidr.”

“It’s ok, at least we know she’s a woman variant, which, yes, Loki woman variants are pretty common. But blonde? Yeah, a Loki would never be blond.”

“Too much like my brother.”

“Indeed. Think it could be a Thor variant?”

“Doubt it. My brother, or, well, would be sister, she’s too smart to be a Thor.” 

Sati pouted. “Well there goes my only theory.” It crossed out the few lines it had written in its notebook and passed the page. “You’ve got any idea?”

“Well, she’s Asgardian for sure, and probably nobility. Unless she stole from the nobility, which is a possibility.” 

“That narrows it down to… a bit less than ten thousand people.”

“One thousand and a half if you only consider noble people.”

“I am only considering noble people. I am also considering them from all the entirety of Asgard’s history.”

“Oh. Right. Well, if I get a closer look I could try deduce where she’s from by the outfit.”

“And take the opportunity to talk to her and betray us? Yeah, not gonna happen buddy.”

“I’m not gonna betray you.”

“Then you’re more of an idiot than I thought you were.” Sati said. “Or you’re lying, which I know you are.”

Loki gasp, faking offence. “How dare you.”

The chair in front of them creaked as Mobius sat down, letting go of a pile of documents. 

“So, what do we got?” He asked, not bothering to say hello.

“She’s a she variant, blonde, asgardian and probably noble.” Sati said, organizing its papers. “We have ruled out the possibility of her being a Loki variant, and the chances of her being a Thor variant. If we could manage a close–”

“I already told you, it’s a Loki variant.” Mobius said. “That’s what the higher ups say, it’s not your job to run conspiracy theories about that. Your job is to catch her.”

“But that’s the problem, you keep insisting she’s a Loki when the modus operandi does not match! We’re wasting time because you insist to treat her like someone she’s not, it’s like trying to eat soup with a fork!”

“Sati. Calm down.”

Loki watched Sati clench its teeth, leaning back on its chair. It went back to looking over its notes.

“Well” Loki said, “what did you bring us?”

Mobius pushed the pile of documents towards him. “Information on the history of Asgard and of you. Maybe with this, and Sati’s help, you can figure out where she’s hiding, or what she’s gonna do next.” He stood up from the table. “I’m gonna go get a coffee, I’ll be right back.”

“Bring me hot chocolate.” Sati said, eyes focused on its notebook.

“Sure, will do.” Mobius said.

Mobius did not bring any hot chocolate back.

~Ω~

“So the apocalypse theory was right, then?” Sati asked, walking next to Loki.

“Yes, now we only have to figure out in which apocalypse she’s hiding.”

“Oh, don’t worry, I was already cross referring information about apocalypses, or events of massive destruction. The librarians have a bad way of measuring the level of destruction, but luckily they’re ordered chronologically and not by level.”

“The TVA have a bad way of doing everything.” Loki mutters. “Anyways, what did you get?”

“Oh, there’s three major possibilities. Two based on personal background, and one on an object retrieved from a crime scene that might have belonged to the variant.”

“Do tell.”

“First would be Ragnarok, the destruction of Asgard. Or a bit earlier, a thousand years or more, don’t know the exact details, you hadn’t been born yet, the genocide of the Dark Elves. Those seem like places any asgardian variant would go if they wanted to take refuge in apocalypses. As for the one deduced from a candy bar–” 

Then Sati stopped, staring ahead them.

Loki frowned, and followed his gaze. 

“Huh.” He said. “Didn’t know they had Thanos variants.”

[pomp-and-circumstance]

Episode 112.

Be still my heart. (AKA shit got real but first we’re going to talk about feelings.)

Jester checks in with Yasha about the death of Mollymauk and the revival of his body, which, in true Jester fashion, turns into her asking Yasha about Beau and her feelings. This was really interesting for me to watch because Jester witnessed Yasha tell everyone in the previous episode that the mirror “would be useful,” but once she insinuates they share a bed, without any kind of sexual vibe, Yasha turns into a flustered, stammering mess. Who better to gently lead Yasha through this than Jester herself, who immediately gets that there’s something deeper going on here than an interest in a one night thing. Her teasing playfulness turns into a beautiful kindness, and she gets to see, for the first time, the woman who fell in love once a long time ago.

There’s a lot of this that feels key for me here, and I haven’t had a lot of coffee this morning, but Imma try and get my thoughts in order anyway. 

Only two people in the Nein know the deep heartache Yasha suffers from losing Zuala: Caduceus and Jester. Jester watched the painful guilt slowly reveal itself from “you’re chosen a mate, but I fell in love with someone else” to “I don’t know where she’s buried, but I have so many flowers to bring her.” She’s watched Yasha suffer over and over again, but here she bears witness to something truly unique - Yasha overwhelmed with the butterflies in the stomach one gets when they really care. On top of all that, Yasha doesn’t know what to do, because of course she doesn’t know what to do. The only other relationship she had in her life had to be in secret. It’s kind of a wonder she’s admitting any of this to Jester in the first place, but that she’s doing so says a lot, and Jester doesn’t miss a moment of that. 

Enthusiastic Cheerleader Laura Bailey engages in some kind hearted teasing that basically oozes with it’s okay, Yasha, this is supposed to be fun energy. The two of them are suddenly teenagers at a sleepover talking about a crush and the best way to leave a note in their locker. “You don’t get nervous easily. If you’re getting flustered, that says something. Maybe I should leave.”

“No no! I don’t feel like I’m ready!”

“Okay! I’ll stay in the room!” (God bless you Jester, and your kindness.)

“... shit, I don’t know what to do!”

Watching Yasha discover that it’s okay to be vocal about these kinds of things is such an adventure. She’s so concerned with overstepping a boundary with Beau, but is too nervous to take a chance and see what that boundary even is, or if it even exists. (”I feel like I shouldn’t know this because it’s not from her, you know?... I just, she-she-she-she-she makes me so nervous.” This same woman tore the wings off Obann’s back.) Watching Jester try to hold back her excitement for her friends is like watching a hyperactive puppy run in the park for the first time. It’s such a complete disaster of a conversation that is so relatable and almost awkward to watch until Yasha opens up and becomes just that much more vulnerable.

“She makes me sweaty and, like, warm and fuzzy at the same time, and then I see her do things and them I’m just like, I want to--I want to kiss her so bad. And then that makes me feel kinda bad.”

I had to stop and think about this for a second because the first thing that came to mind was, of course, some kind of Dope Monk Shit Beau had done in the past that would make Yasha think this, but if she’s so adamant that her role is to protect, I don’t feel like she’d let something like that distract her in the heat of battle. (I may be proven wrong later, who knows, I’m mostly saying I don’t think she’d grab Beau in the middle of the BBEG fight and kiss her or anything.) What I immediately thought of after, though, was the previous episode when Beau was trying to line things out to the Nein about her theories regarding the Nine Eyes. There’s a moment where Beau is being praised, and Yasha with a bit of awe in her voice goes, “That’s a breakthrough.” It’s so simple and so easily missed in the moment. (I believe Beau immediately turns it around on her and says she deserves credit for a point she made, which Yasha immediately deflects and says she didn’t come up with nearly the amount of theories Beau did.) I think Yasha is holding far more than awe in that moment. I think that’s a peek into a moment she wishes she could have kissed her, shown some kind of affection, something, to show how proud she is of Beau.

So, at the end, when she says “that makes me feel kinda bad,” I don’t think she’s talking about a leftover something with Zuala - though maybe she is, and that’s valid, she’s always going to love Zuala and moving on with grief is painful and hard, even if you’ve told yourself it’s okay to - I think she genuinely doesn’t know what to do, and open affection with someone isn’t something she’s used to doing, but on top of that, I also wonder if it means she doesn’t want to be quiet with Beau, in the sense that she doesn’t want to hide how she feels. She doesn’t want another romance with secrecy, she wants to be able to love loudly, and she might have permission, so to speak, to do that, but that doesn’t mean she knows what to do with it.

Going back to Laura for a second - watching her in this conversation is so interesting because I think she caught Ashley totally unprepared for a conversation like this, which is why parts of it are so awkward and why they’re giggling throughout a portion of it. (I don’t think she did it maliciously, I think she’s being Jester and Jester would be this forthright and Ashley was just like “well shit, here we go!”) Jester is trying to be a wingman in the way only Jester can be, and when it’s clear Yasha’s anxiety comes from nerves, she drops this beautiful nugget that’s got a lot of Jester but a lot of Laura, too:

“Yasha, you can’t feel guilty for how you feel. If she makes you feel happy, that’s a wonderful thing. That’s so rare.”

Laura’s face gets me every time. She’s digging into a deep place here, and she’s doing it gently. Someone made you happy once before, Yasha. You know what this feels like. You have a chance to have it again.

“It is so rare.”

And with three sentences, the entire dynamic of the conversation changes.

Yasha suddenly takes charge of this thing and starts making suggestions to Jester, telling her she feels like she’s been given a lot of confidence, “maybe stay in the room so it doesn’t seem obvious, I’ll sleep on the floor tonight and I’ll figure it out.” Sure doesn’t sound like someone who doesn’t know what to do to me. (I mean, it does, but you know what I'm saying.) Then, after being so nervous about knowing something she felt like she should have heard from Beau, Jester assures her “that’s not the vibe I got” and she runs with it. “It’s not? Ok ok.” She’s suddenly got some confidence in this tangle of nerves, but at least she’s going to make an attempt to do something about it.

(Marisha has a face here that kills me, btw, after Jester says Yasha should talk to Beau, and Yasha says yeah, it’s best to talk to the source:

“The source is waiting, babe, I got time.”)

Speaking of Marisha, her facial journey during this poem workshop is an experience best had on your own time. Screenshots can’t do it justice. I’m going to take one image and make it my phone’s background without any context, ‘cause “eyes so blue and hair so shorn on the sides” makes her lose her shit.

(Bonus Taliesin, who can’t even.)

What I didn’t realize, though, is how quickly Beau comes back into the room after this talk between Beau and Jester, which means Ashley has only moments to really push Yasha Nydoorin of Seven Charisma, and like the badass she is, she’s got it totally under control from the first flustered “Hello!”

Because understanding your feelings and coming to terms with them about someone else is one thing. Excecution, however... is something else entirely. And while playing a suave personality that can charm the socks off anyone is fun, going to that place where you stammer and talk too much and nothing makes sense is so much more endearing. It makes the little moments where you get things “right,” so to speak, so much more. And so much more to launch off of, as Yasha immediately caves back into that place when she realizes she reached out and touched the glitter on Beau’s face, oh shit, I don’t know what to do, umm, I’m tired I guess.

(Bonus Laura, who is so proud of Yasha for being bold and basically needs a Beauyasha membership card that reads 0001/2 at this point.)

But keep in mind, this flustered nonsense isn’t just from Yasha, it’s also from Beau, who, while a little tipsy, has zero liquid courage in this moment and is just as much a stammering mess as Yasha herself is. Even more noteable is when Yasha makes a joke about “schnuggling”... Beau is almost ready to take Yasha up on that offer. “I mean, I--” is Marisha’s exact quote before Yasha backpedals and says she’s kidding. (Yet another tiny example of Marisha letting Ashley take the lead, whether it was intentional or not.) Confident Beau who oozed with sexual prowess becoming an actual disaster under the flirtatious radar of Yasha is my favorite thing in the world. That was probably the longest space of time between waking and sleeping for either of them, and Jester got to bare witness to all of their growth in its beautiful, awkward, “oh god, just schnuggle already” glory.

Taliesin is the real MVP here, who said what I’ve been thinking every time I’ve watched highlights of this part, but didn’t know it actually happened until now, “I assume they all take a point of exhaustion because none of them sleep. Just lie there.”

Even Travis, Honorary Beauyasha Membership Card holder number 0001/2, is in on it.

I adore everything about this scene. We all need a little dash of disaster lesbians in our lives. It’s gonna be okay, you two. I promise.

[hwrryscherry]

The one where the reader is a singer

characters: HARRY x SINGER!Y/N

blurb: The reader is finishing up her brand-new album and as Harry comes to visit her on her last day of working in the studio, he gets to react to one of her songs, 34+35.

word count: 1.9K

author's note: HI GUYS! It’s been a week I think? Anyway, I’ll get back to school tomorrow so idk when imma post the next request but I’m hoping that it will be soon! Anyway, I want to thank y’all for the love and support on my writing and I hope that the anon who asked this likes it as much as I did. Never forget that you’re so golden and tpwk. AND ALSO, HAPPY 27TH BIRTHDAY TO HARRY!

    You took a deep breath right after asking for the track to be played again. To everyone else the track was perfect, but it was different for you. It just felt like something was missing and you didn't know what. And god, you were tired. You were so genuinely exhausted that if you sit up in a chair and stay silent for more than five minutes you'll simply fall asleep. You felt your eyes heaving at every blink of yours and it was only 5 pm, but you were in this studio for so long. You were inside this place for 36 hours now with no shower and no sleep. You did eat but now you were hungry again.Your shoulders were tensed up, and you couldn't feel comfortable anywhere. Not in the couch, not in the chair, not in the floor and not even stand up. All you genuinely demanded right now was to be home under your bed sheets curled up with your boyfriend of four years while taking many naps or watching many movies, but no, you needed to have this done. You needed the album to be done and were extremely thrilled to release it to your fans that were excited as well. But yes, you were so frickin' tired.

— Again... — You repeated after a long and sharp breath listening to some groans from your coworkers. You all have been listening to this one song for about an hour and a half now and you haven't actually changed anything yet. — I know, I know, and I'm sorry guys, it's just not right!

— Maybe you think it's not right, but it is and you're just making a huge deal about it. — One of your co-workers said. A girl, Lucy, one of your friends as well. You turned your head to stare at her face and gave her that glaze that made her shrug her shoulders because of it — Alright, I'm sorry.

— I'm not making a huge deal. It's just not right, and I feel like the entire album is so great and this is just wrong. Like... — You said standing up from the couch you were sitten in and walked to the table with the computers on to grab the one paper you used to write this song. You stared at it in your hands for a while as you read the letters. — See, here is the problem. So here it's "you drink it just like water" and then suddenly comes "so what you doin' tonight?", it doesn't make sense, there's something missing in here. — You go through the lyrics again as you hear more groans from the people in the room — And honestly, I'm disappointed with myself for the rest. I need to change it so badly, but I have no idea on how.

— No problem, love — You naturally said referring to his previous apologies.

   That's when you hear the sound of the door being opened. You rise your head to look at the door and see Harry, your boyfriend, walking into the room with some paper bags in his hands that contained burgers directly from In-N-Out, which was in fact your favorite Los Angeles burger place ever. He arrived in silence, trying not to make a noise for fear that you were recording something but you could note his surprised expression when he saw everyone was looking at him instead of recording.

— Sorry guys, I didn't want to disturb you. I was passing by and wanted to check up! — Harry said as he closed the door behind him and walked farther into the room. You smiled tenderly when you saw the figure of the man walking closer to you. You haven't seen each other personally in some days, and he consistently secured you so much spiritual peace, he just had such a light energy and it made you feel so good  — And also y’all had been stealing my girl for so long now! — He joked getting a slight laugh from everyone inside the studio. He approached you by wrapping your waist with one of his arms around your waist and sealing your lips together as he bends down a little.

— And Harry, technically she is maintaining us here and not the other way around — Lucy said in an ironic tone causing you to look at her quickly before letting out a deep breath and lowering your head by rubbing your sleepless eyes with the help of your hands, probably a negative result of sleep. Harry reflected the girl's words and then looked at you carefully before placing the bags on the coffee table that was next to the studio sofa.

— Why? What happened? — Harry asked encountering his gaze with yours as he crossed his arms and observed you raising your hand that contained the papers with the lyrics of your new song.

— I can't write a proper ending that I genuinely like! — You said, sounding frustrated to everyone in that room.

— The ending is good! — Another of your friends, Jaden, said as he got up and picked up one of the bags Harry had brought and then started walking again to sit on the sofa.

— Jaden, you in silence is everything to me! — You said in a mocking tone while running your hand through your hair — But you understand, don't you? — You asked Harry because he has experience with such a specific subject — It's not that it's bad, it's that I don't feel like it's ready!

— I get it! But have you already recorded? — Harry asked softly in his understanding tone. He more than anyone in this room comprehended exactly what you were feeling and he would do his best to help you since you did the same with him so many times before.

— Yes, twenty times! — Jaden murmured a little before taking a bite of one of the burgers that Harry had brought. Harry couldn't hold back the laugh when he heard the boy, as they knew each other well and Harry knew all his sassiness was based on nothing more than hunger.

— Let me hear it, so I can have some ideas to help! — Harry said looking at you, and then noticing your reaction. Your eyes widened at the man's request. It wasn't fear. It was just an apprehension and that made Harry extremely curious  — What? 

— Well... It's a little... — You said in a lower tone seeking your words.

— Promiscuous and indulgent! — Lucy and Jaden completed your sentence making Harry look at her and the boy sitting on the sofa and then Harry raised one of his eyebrows and looked at you with a smirk on his lips.

— Uh, is it about me? — Harry asked in a mocking tone, waiting for the answer that would raise his ego, of course.

— Look, let's not specify anything — You said quickly and nervously looking at the smirk on your boyfriend's face — Ok, Trevor, play the song right for the love of god! — You said getting a laugh out of Harry, Jaden and Lucy due to your despair in ending this matter.

    And Trevor did as you asked and put the song on. You sat down on the bench near the wall and crossed your arms while watching Harry's reactions. The soon as the song started everyone could notice your voice and the rhythm of it that matched the beat.

You may think I’m crazy

The way I’ve been craving

If I put it quite plainly

Just give me them babies

    You could notice Harry bouncing his head on the rhythm of the song as a sign that he liked it because you knew that he only did that to songs that he likes. And you also noticed a small smile when he listened to the end of this verse because he did remember all the times you both had talked about having a baby before.

So what you doin’ tonight?

Better say doin’ you right

Watching movies 

But we ain’t seen a thing tonight

    Again you noticed the smirk and you did smirk as well because you both knew the lack of ability that you had to watch any movie that lasted longer than two hours and you almost ended not watching anything.

I don’t wanna keep you up

But assuming can you keep it up

‘Cause then I’d like to keep you up

So maybe Imma keep you up

Boy

    Harry wasn’t looking at you, though. He was looking at the floor while bouncing his head and paying attention to the song as he was trying to catch the vibe of it and honestly you don’t know if it’s the song that had this vibe but he was looking way too hot to handle at this moment.

I’ve been drinking coffe

And I’ve been eating healthy

Know I get squeaky, yeah

Saving all my energy

    Now the chorus was about to start and you were actually excited and nervous to see Harry’s reaction of it. You two have been dating for four years now. He probably understood any little detail of this song more than anyone else.

Can you stay up all night?

F**k me till the daylight

34 35

    You started to hold back your laugh as Harry lifted his head up fastly with winded eyes and a surprised look so he could face you. It wasn’t actually your style to write songs that promiscuous so he was actually surprised at it even though he loved it. He had a smile on his face though and so did you. 

    The song kept playing as the words repeated itself and it stopped just after the second chorus so Harry passed his hands through his hair as you waited for his opinion on it. Honestly, Harry’s opinion about your music is extremely important to you because you cherish and admire him way too much and love his songs so you hope that he does too with yours.

— So... What do you think? — You asked anxiously waiting for his opinion. The truth is Harry had already listened to all the songs on his new album except this one.

— I like it! — Harry said with a smile on his lips making you breathe a sigh of relief — Maybe I can help write the rest, but they really didn't lie and it's great. The beat is good and the lyrics are catchy and everything will be fine. The point, my love, is that you are too worried! — Harry said as he approached you, placing his big, strong hands on your shoulders and massaging them lightly feeling all the tension in your muscles slowly dissolving — Relax, it's amazing! You got it!

   With Harry's help, you finished the song in less than an hour. When you recorded the rest and listened, you felt that now it was ready and now you could go home with him. It was simply incredible to know you could always count on him and to know that while you were together creativity would be present and life wouldn't be boring. After all, you had each other and had the art.

[songficsbyrissi]

You’re Mines Still (Erik X Reader)

“They say time heals She can't see her life without me, she's so blind still Fuck that nigga, you can tell him that you're mines still” - Yung Bleu feat. Drake

A/N: heyyyy y’all! Back from the dead again! 🤣 here to drop my shit and dip as always. I’m trying to stop that, I swear. Hennyways, I wanna put a disclaimer here: I have nothing against MBJ. I couldn’t care less about the nigga but I thought it’ll be interesting to have this nigga as the boyfriend, instead of making a character up in contrast to Erik. I think it’s perfect because I’m pretty sure they’re two completely different niggas. And I know “mines” isn’t proper English but I’m going with the title of the song so don’t start with me 😂😂😂 Aight imma let y’all read lol. Hope you enjoy it!

**************

You were doing it again.

You found yourself observing your boyfriend Michael, and comparing him to your ex, Erik. Right now, Michael came into the kitchen and gave you a swift kiss on the cheek to say good morning. It was sweet and nice but Erik would’ve grabbed you by the waist, pulled you in for a long, juicy kiss, followed by a smack on the ass. You found yourself low-key missing that, but you moved on so you had to let that go.

“Michael?”

“Yes, cookie?”

You held yourself back from rolling your eyes. It was a cute nickname, but ever since you told him your favorite dessert was chocolate chip cookies, here this nigga go, making it your nickname.

You shook your head. “Never mind.”

“You seem so distant, babe. What’s on your mind?” He asked from his seat at the table.

You avoided eye contact with him. “Nothing. I’ve just been tired.”

He snorted at this. “It’s because you work too much. I told you to chill.” He got up from the table and kissed you on the cheek. “Alright, I’ll see you later. I gotta go to the office.”

“Bye.” You said faintly as he walked out of the door. That was another thing. Erik could tell when something was bothering you and knew you avoided eye contact when you were lying. Michael just let anything you tell him slide. At this point, you could have a gunshot wound in your stomach and tell him you were fine and he’ll believe it.

You sighed deeply and got your things together so you could go back to your place. Michael asked you to move in with him, but you knew you weren’t ready for that. Not with him.

On your way to your apartment, you remembered you needed to do some grocery shopping, so you pulled up to the supermarket and pulled out your list of essentials on your notes app. The supermarket wasn’t too busy, thank God. You were able to weave back and forth through the aisles with ease. You got to the soup aisle and the broth you needed was all the way on the top shelf. You looked to the side to make sure no one would see you embarrass yourself. Before you could climb, a man’s arm reached up, grabbed the carton of broth, and handed it to you.

You smiled softly. “Thank you so much. I was about to embarrass myself climbing this shelf.”

“I could see that.” The man replied in a familiar voice that caused you to break your neck to look at him.

“Erik....” you breathed nervously once your eyes fell on him. He was still fine as always. The day you run into him, he would be wearing a white t-shirt and grey sweatpants. An outfit that gets any girl’s faucet running. You wanted to sneak a glance, but you stopped yourself because you knew he would catch it.

He licked his bottom lip and looked you up and down. Damn him.

“Hey ma...it’s been a while.”

You nodded, looking down at your shopping cart. “Yeah, it has....”

“You still fine as hell.” Erik cracked a smirk and you were getting more and more nervous under his gaze. What the fuck is wrong with you?

You decided to breathe and ignore his statement. “How have you been, Erik?”

He rubbed the back of his neck, which something he always did when he was nervous. Holy shit, he was nervous around you. Why did that bring a pang of joy into your heart?

“I’ve been chilling. I'm still an architect. Still designing houses and getting people to buy them. It’s been aight. I’ve been successful.”

You gave him a genuine smile. “That’s good. I’m glad everything is going good in your career.”

“Yeah, it is. If only you were with me to see it all.”

You sighed deeply, shaking your head. “Erik-“

“I should’ve never let you go, Y/N. You were a good ass woman and you motivated me. I know I messed up but-“

“Erik, I’m kinda seeing someone else right now.” You spat out, preventing him from continuing the monologue he had going. He seemed taken aback by your outburst. Then came denial, anger, sadness, and acceptance all on his face.

“I’m sorry, Erik but I have a new boyfriend now. His name is Michael and he’s great. I figured you should know that.”

Erik let out a dry laugh in response and held his hands up in defense. “Yeah, you know what? I should’ve. A woman like you, of course, a nigga gonna snatch you up. That’s my fault. I hope he treats you well.”

“He does.” You swallowed hard and pushed your cart forward. “You take care of yourself, Erik. I’ll see you around.”

You didn’t wait for a reply. You just continued pushing until you heard his voice.

“You too, Princess.”

You stopped in your tracks for a bit, hearing that nickname for the first time in forever but you continued on your journey, refusing to look back at your ex.

You wrapped up your grocery store trip and went home. Even while you were cooking for your new man, Erik was still on your mind. You couldn’t help but think about all the times you had with him. One memory came back to you and you cringed. The night you two broke up.

“All you can think about are these damn houses! What about our house, Erik?!?!” You screamed coming closer to him, with your fists clenched. “What about all the shit you promised me?!”

“You’re still getting it, Princess! I promise!” He tried to pull you in a hug, but you pushed him away. All you saw was red. You didn’t want him touching you. You stuck a finger in his face.

“Bullshit! I’m tired of your empty-ass promises! I’m better than this! I’m better just being your damn girlfriend for all these years! It’s either you’re wanna be with me forever or you don’t! It’s that simple!”

Erik gathered up all the anger building to yell back. “No! It ain’t that simple! You just don’t get it.” Your angry demeanor softened at his words and you took a seat on the leather sofa. You wanted to cry because this shit was so fucking frustrating. You looked up at him with all the sincerity you could muster.

“Help me get it, Erik. Please. Because I just don’t.”

Erik took your trembling hands into his larger hands. “I just...I just don’t see myself as your husband right now. I got a lot of shit to work out before I can make that type of commitment to you, ma. I just need you to understand that and stick with me. I’m not saying it’s never going to happen. I’m just saying now’s not the right time.”

As much as you tried to prevent it, it happened. Tears were rolling down your cheeks. Erik began wiping them off, but you backed away.

“You keep saying that. When is the right time, huh? When?” You asked then sneered once you saw that once again, he couldn’t supply you an answer. “Just admit it, Erik. You don’t want to marry me. You don’t want to get a house with me, you don’t want to have kids with me. You don’t...” you swallowed hard, trying to find the strength to say this. “You don’t want forever with me. Now I get it.”

Erik shook his head vigorously as you rose from the sofa and he grabbed your hand. “No, baby girl! You’re not getting it! I love you! I love you so much! Please!”

You used your free hand to wipe some more of your tears. “You don’t love me the way I love you, Erik. I’ve been dying to be your wife, but you don’t want to be my husband. So I’m not gonna waste time with you when I can find someone who will.”

You released yourself from the grip he had on you, both figuratively and literally, and packed all your shit up. Despite the protests and guilt-tripping coming from Erik, you still made it your mission to get the fuck out of his apartment and get the fuck out of his life.

After mourning and healing from the loss of your long-term relationship, you met Michael. He was a nice man who looked similar to Erik but was completely different, personality-wise. Your friends noticed how much Michael looked like Erik, but they decided not to bring it up because they knew you would deny it. You were in denial, convinced it was all a coincidence. Deep down, you knew damn well he looked like Erik.

However, he was nothing like him and you thought that would work out in your favor. It didn’t.

You laid wide awake in Michael’s bed. He fell asleep after one round of sex and you were not satisfied. The sex was good, but one round??? Erik used to go at least 3 a night. Erik also would spoon, but Michael was turned away from you, snoring away. Your phone buzzed on your nightstand and you picked it up to see a text from your ex. You sat up in shock and opened it.

Erik:

Ik I shouldn’t b but I can’t stop thinkin bout u. I never stopped.

You took a deep breath and fixed your thumbs to respond.

You:

I’m with someone else, Erik. U gotta respect that.

Erik:

I do I just don’t like it. Can we at least be friends?

You contemplated your answer, then constructed a text back.

You:

Fine. We’ll be friends.

Erik:

With benefits? 👀

This caused you to stifle a laugh that would’ve been loud enough to wake up your boyfriend.

You:

Lmao no! Just friends, Erik.

Erik:

Lol I’ll take what I can get. Good night, Princess ❤️

After that last text, you were smiling yourself to sleep. It didn’t take long for Erik to invite you to group outings with mutual friends to eventually just you and him. It felt wrong but felt so right at the same time. You were alone in Michael’s apartment once again when Erik hit you up asking if you would like to see a house he built that was being pulled off the market. You agreed since you had nothing else to do. It’s just a house.

Needless to say, The house was gorgeous.

“Shittttt look at this fucking closet!” You cooed, entering the large walk-in closet in the master bedroom, and turned around to look at Erik with an enormous smile on your face. “Erik! You did that shit! This is my dream house! If I had the money, I would buy it right now!”

Erik chuckled with his arms folded. “It’s already bought, Princess.”

You scrunched up your face in disappointment as you stood against the marble island table in the middle of the room. “Ughh for real? I bet they don’t even like it like that!”

“Nah...I do.” He walked up to you slowly.

It didn’t click for your slow ass what he just said. “Of course you like it. You designed it.”

“Nah, we designed it.”

A record scratch went off in your head and you turned to see Erik right next to you. You gazed into his eyes to see an emotion you couldn’t describe. He saw confusion in yours.

“You ain’t noticed how this house is exactly your dream house? Everything you wanted in a house is right here. Baby girl, after you left me, all I could think about you and us and how I fucked us up. I was designing other houses and buildings, but there’s one that was most important to me that I never focused on and that was ours. I remembered our discussions and you didn’t know it, but I took notes of everything we wanted in a house. I finally had the motivation to get it designed, built, and bought.”

Erik built a house for you. He actually listened to you. Even when you thought he wasn’t, he was listening to every detail of what you wanted. You had so many questions to ask, but you were speechless. What were you supposed to say to this?

“I don’t want you to think I was on some creepy nigga shit because I wasn’t. It’s just that this design was gonna go to waste and I was going to let them sell it to the highest bidder, but I just couldn’t. This house was the last piece of you I had left. If I sold it, it was like me officially giving up on the possibility of us. I still had that hope. I’m a stupid ass nigga, I know.”

Your right hand grasped his left hand and he finally spared you a glance to see unshed tears in your eyes.

“I wanted this....from you....for so long. For so long! Why are you giving it to me now?! When I have someone else?!” You threw his hand out of frustration and exited the closet. You didn’t make it far. You just went into the master bedroom and cried your eyes out. You waited so long for this and he’s giving it to you now? When Michael was in the picture? Well, It’s too damn late.

Erik got on his knees and grasped your knees. You stared at him through the tears in your eyes.

“I know you’re building a life with this nigga, but stop. Stop that shit. You know he ain’t the one for you. Fuck that nigga. You’re mines still.” Erik was pleading with you. He began to shed a tear. Holy shit, he meant every word. “Baby, I’m on my knees. Take me back.”

Your ex began planting tender kisses on your knees and traveled up to your thighs, still holding you. Your heart raced at his actions, but you didn’t want him to stop. You missed him. You missed him so damn much. As much as you tried to lie to yourself, you still loved him.

“Erik, get up.”

He obeyed and you took his face in your hands, caressing the sides.

“You’re such a fucking manipulative motherfucker and I hate that I love you so fucking much.”

Erik took your hands into his and kissed the insides. “I ain’t trying to manipulate you, baby. I swear I’m not. I love you and I just wanted you to know that I heard you. You just wanted a nigga to show you that he was serious about you. I get it. While you were gone, I focused on myself and fixed myself because I admit I was dragging my ass with doing that while we were together. It was because I thought you were here to stay so I had all the time in the world to get my shit together. When you left, I saw that I was wrong. I was wrong as fuck.”

You didn’t say anything. You just let him keep talking.

“I love you, baby. All I’m asking for is a second chance to make this right, but if you say no, I’ll sell this house and leave you alone for good. I swear on my Pops’ grave, I’ll leave you the fuck alone, Y/N.” His words were so heartfelt. “I don’t wanna go unless you make me.”

You were hyperventilating through your tears, then a smile formed across your face. “Erik, I love you. I love you so much, baby.”

Erik tackled you with frequent kisses on your lips and it turned into a whole passionate make-out session. He planted kisses all over your neck while he unbuttoned your blouse and you could feel his hard dick through his pants.

“Fuck. I missed this. I missed us.” You breathed when his lips met yours, once again.

“I missed us too, baby.” Erik rested his forehead against yours and stared into your eyes with so much love. “Be my wife.”

You backed away from him and furrowed your eyebrows. “What?”

“You heard me. Marry me, baby. I don’t wanna waste any more time.” He saw the look on your face and his joyful expression turned somber. “You don’t want to marry me?”

You shook your head. “It’s not that, Erik. I always wanted to but just because we getting back together doesn’t mean I wanna rush into a marriage. We gotta fix us first. We can’t even fix us right now because I still have to break up with Michael.”

Erik put a hand through his hands and blew air out of his mouth. “You right.”

“And the way you asked sucked.” You deadpanned but found yourself laughing afterward and he face palmed himself. “Seriously? After all this time, I deserve a better proposal than that.”

Erik chuckled and placed a soft kiss on your lips. “You right. Once again. Imma do better.”

And when he said he would do better, you knew he wasn’t just talking about the proposal.

“You better. I ain’t giving you a third chance. This ain’t baseball!”

This caused him to guffaw, pull you into a tight, loving embrace, and kissed you once again. He had a grin on his face that rivaled the Cheshire cat.

“You’re mines still,” Erik said as a statement and a question.

“Yep. I never stopped being yours, baby boy.”

TAGS:  @lifelover4u @dessianna1 @brattywriters-anonymous @marvelmaree​ @purple-apricots​ @blackpinup22 @ljstraightnochaser @slimmiyagi @cancerianprincess @iamrheaspeaks @blowmymbackout @vibranium-chakra @nerd-lovely @chaneajoyyy​ @ohliyaxoxo @chefjessypooh @yourfavoritefavorite @airis-paris14 @ljstraightnochaser @quietstorm-73 @msincognito67 @sociallyawkward18 @mychemicalimagines @nerd-lovely @marvelpotterlove   @destinio1 @madamslayyy @thehomierobbstark @fd-writes​ @semianta​ @raysunshine78​  @lifelover4u @dessianna1 @brattywriters-anonymous @marvelpotterlove @guccixcucci​ @blackpinup22 @ljstraightnochaser @slimmiyagi @cancerianprincess @iamrheaspeaks @blowmymbackout @vibranium-chakra @nerd-lovely @chaneajoyyy​ @ohliyaxoxo @chefjessypooh @yourfavoritefavorite @airis-paris14 @ljstraightnochaser @quietstorm-73 @msincognito67 @sociallyawkward18 @mychemicalimagines @nerd-lovely @marvelpotterlove   @destinio1 @madamslayyy @thehomierobbstark @fd-writes​ @semianta​ @raysunshine78​ @fd-writes​ @rbhp @fandom-fangirl22​ @bigchoose​

(Sorry if you got double tagged or I missed you. I need to get my tags together I know )

[tundrainafrica]

some of the aot fans (probably just casual readers) don't see the parallels between EM and LH???? like the brunettes desire to live with their ackermans together in the woods? they call levihan shippers delusionals. their attacking levihans that they didn't read the manga well and we just want our ship to be canon??? WTH????

I keep wondering if it's just us, levihans, who see these parallels?

im sorry for this rant, it's just soooo frustrating. Basically the reason why i leave twt lol not yet, im still there bcoz of lh filo socmed aus

I have so many things I wanna say about chapter 138 and I am so sorry I only got to it now. I think most Levihan fans already said what I wanted to say but either way, I’ll just give some thoughts I entertained when these came out. 

Coz first of all… 

As a Levihan shipper, I am obviously ecstatic about this but as most people know, I come from a household where everyone is not too enthusiastic about Levihan. They are so very enthusiastic about INVALIDATING LEVIHAN in particular that my sister and my parents who don’t even watch AOT just come up to me while I’m staring at Levihan art on tumblr and go… 

“What are you doing?” 

“Staring at art.”

“Oh, is that the one couple you like who don’t even love each other or smthg.” 

Cause apparently my sisters who watch AOT and my boyfriend have been SO vocal about invalidating Levihan that even my parents now are on ship that they aren’t even a thing and I’m just delusional but yes, since I live in a house where literally ‘shipping Levihan’ is on the same level as ‘the curtains are blue so the narrator is sad’ type of interpretation, I will start by mentioning a more pragmatic argument to this whole Levihan and Eremika parallel. 

While I am one of those who can definitely see that yes those were clear parallels, there are some louder people( mostly Eruri shippers) who think that LH fandom is just grasping on straws and trying to diminish their supposedly canon ship( because EL and EM ackerbonding thing) so I was wondering what is your view on this?

So, to break down the argument...

It’s a war story blah blah blah. And besides Mikasa loved Eren from the start blah blah blah. 

I think this is an argument I see a lot. Because Yams is writing a war story and I think a lot of people are suggesting that it’s a war story here is no way anyone can be canon or anyone can have romantic relationships. 

AND I HATE THIS TAKE. Relationships are human nature. Yes, being arromantic exists but I don’t believe that in a fictional space, romance can ever NOT exist. Because most---or scratch that--- I believe all humans will search for companionship and I do not believe it is ever reaching to jump from whatever companionship exists between people and contemplate the potential of romance, except incest but that’s another story. 

Yeah because if there’s no kiss or sex then it’s not a romance apparently. 

Well guess what, we’re all reaching then, cause only Eren and Mika got the kiss. But lemme drop some social experiment I did. 

I actually showed the Eremika and Levihan ‘Let’s live together scenes’ side by side to a colleague at work who doesn’t watch AOT and she told me, WITHOUT CONTEXT, that she prefers the scene between Levihan more than Eremika and the reason behind that is because there were undertones, specifically in the Korean translation’ that Hange was tired, and there’s this apparent romantic-ness to it when you dream of something when you’re tired and when you dream of a particular someone. 

Because here’s the thing, when you love someone, when you decide to be in a  relationship with someone, that person will be your HOME. And now that I think about it, it definitely hits for me more, because when Hange was tired, when Hange was completely exhausted and spent, she dreamt of a future with Levi. 

And don’t you think that it’s more romantic that ‘despite everything, she thinks of him’ compared to ‘she constantly thinks of him?’ Because I dunno, when someone is constantly thinking of someone, there’s actually no effort really needed for the feeling to grow, but when ‘they think of someone, despite everything.’ There’s this idea that the relationship can withstand more things and that means they thought long and hard about it. 

Their life is so interesting and eventful, yet at the end of the day, there exists someone who still shines brighter than life itself and that’s why ‘Despite everything, she thinks of him’ rings brighter than ‘she constantly thinks of him’ for me at least. 

Probably a personal preference thing but either way… Just my take. 

Western people don’t consider running away ‘romantic?’ 

This is something I’ve discussed with filo moots multiple times and this is something I’ve thought about reading the Japanese and English translations, reading the Filipino Soc Med AUs and having my friend read the Korean ones.  

The Japanese and Koreans are quick to see the romantic undertones, a lot of my Filipino moots are quick to see those romantic undertones too. But we have the western fandom on Reddit going ‘Yo Erehisu foh evah’ and people saying ‘Levihan not canon they didn’t kiss.’ 

But YO both of my parents are ‘tanan’ (runaway in tagalog) babies. My mom actually ran away with a man and wasn’t allowed to talk to her dad until she graduated. My dad disobeyed his parents to marry my mom. They were setting my dad up with another woman and they were going to have a big wedding and everything but my dad was like…

NOPE Imma run away and marry this woman. 

And can I just say, my parents are the MOST unromantic people but they literally disobeyed their parents, ran away together, literally risked their relationships with their parents to make it work. 

And my parents are one of the few people in their family who are still in a happy relationship even after 25 years of marriage. 

Okay, I admit, sometimes running away is a dumb decision and shouldn’t constantly be romanticized. 

But I don’t think a lot of people understand the gravity of what ‘tanan’ entails. Legit, it was emphasized in 138 already, if Eren ran away, Paradis could have been overrun by military soon. And if Hange and Levi ran away to the woods, ‘what would there have been left for them? 

And in real life, my mom literally gave up her relationship with her dad to try to make the relationship work. My dad gave up the comforts of marrying a rich woman in a lavish wedding to marry my mom. 

They literally had a civil wedding, went out to eat Chinese noodles and China town as a post wedding meal and 25 years later, they have one of the strongest relationships I’ve ever seen. 

AND NO ONE RUNS AWAY WITH SOMEONE FOR THE LELZ. So yes, running away with someone will always be romantic for me.

And the Ackerbond?

Something I always find myself asking. Why do people want the Ackerbond to actually be a thing? Because if the Ackerbond were real, then wouldn’t that invalidate all Eruri and Eremika even more since we know they’re just trapped in the relationship like Stockholm syndrome or something? 

And besides didn’t Yams debunk that chapters ago? 

Anyway, onto the next questions

hi sav! i have a question about the recent chapter. do you think the em and lh parellels were done on purpose by isayama? 

And to answer this question… I am not so sure actually. I talked to a Japanese friend who grew up in the same prefecture as Yams, apparently it was her acquaintance from high school who married Yams and they were childhood sweethearts. 

So maybe Yams got it from them?  My memory on that convo is hazy but it’s only possible that he built Eremika from there. And Levi and Hange’s development is just incredibly different that I don’t think Yams thought that far to do it. 

My theory here is that Yams is writing a war story and he only has one way he could have ever shown romance in a war story and that’s through ‘running away’ so I believe the parallels are unintentional but I genuinely believe that this was Yam’s way of showing romantic undertones. 

And I personally do not think that Levi and Hange would have ever kissed in that time in their life, at least intentionally and I hoenstly commend Yams for doing such a good job with the subtlety of the romance because I’ve literally seen so many great characters in other stories completely butchered by a poorly done romantic subplot so I aint complaining about these romantic undertones. 

But either way,

I hang in the Japanese fandom a lot and there have been lots of fandom discussion on Levihan becoming endgame if 132 didn’t happen. And there are actually articles on this putting Levihan as endgame along with Eremika so I’m kinda suspecting that invalidating Levihan is an anime-only fan and reddit fandom type of thing.

But anyway, thank you for reading, sorry for the long rant.

[kareniliana]

Marcel: Crazy Ex Drama

A//N: Hey people! I’ve come up with a schedule. I will write as much as I can over the week. In between class work or classes and tutor sessions. Then edit and post them on the weekends. Imma try this week to do that. And we’ll go from there.

If y'all want to request anything, my inbox is open.

Oh I almost forgot, this one shot mentions abusive relations with drug using and cheating. I am in no way trying to romanticize abuse or anything. I just started writing and this came out. I do apologize if I insult anyone, please call me out on it. And I will correct it or take it down. I truly mean no harm here.

xx Karebear 💛🧸

You were visiting New Orleans for a girls trip with two of your best friends, Eva and Lucy. You went college with them, lived with them when you first graduated and now you live hours away from each other. Not seeing each other often put a strain on your friendship so you came up with the brilliant idea that you would visit New Orleans for a girls trip. It’s perfect, you’ll drink your liver away.

The first two nights visiting were a blur, you weren’t sure which bars you were at and which you hadn’t visited yet. But for the third day, you were going to keep it low-key but fun.

At lunch, you and your friends sat at a bar talking to a nice blonde bartender. She informed you she had a psych degree and your friends didn’t stop bothering her until y'all left. But she enjoyed the company and psychoanalyzing. You however was busy making eyes with a beautiful chocolate man across the restaurant. His smile caught your eyes, it was genuine and brightening. 

Finally she turned to look at you, “what about you? Any guy problems?”

“Oh does she ever, she just got out of a very abusive relationship.” Your drunk friend started, earning a deep sigh from you. 

“He cheated, lied, did drugs, verbally abuse me and sometimes he would hit me. I left him, filed a restraining order- I got out.” You shrugged your shoulders, not wanting to talk about it any longer.

You stuck around to drink and chill, the vibe in this bar was immaculate. You had forced yourself, to stop looking for the man. Wanting him to come to your, which he did. He placed his hand on the seat next to yours.

“Is this seat taken?” He asked, his deep voice made you want to melt.

“No, go for it.” You smiled, he pulled the seat out sitting with you.

“Cami, can I get another and,” He looked to you, “Anything she wants.”

 You caught his gaze, holding eye contact. “Uh, I'll have what he's having.”

“Alright, two bourbons.” She grabs another glass and serves you the liquid. Your friends and cami seeing what’s happening.

“I’m Marcel.” He handed his hand out for you to shake, you smiled gently placing your hand in his.

“Y/n, it’s nice to meet you.”

“The pleasure is all mine, and on behalf of my beautiful city, welcome to New Orleans. I am more than happy to show you around. Say tonight, at 7. I can meet you or pick you up, whatever you choose.” He was smooth.

Cami placed the cups down in front of you both,“You can pick me up at the Hotel just down the street.” You pointed down the road to your hotel, the only hotel within a mile radius.

“Alright.” He smiled brightly, his smile making you almost giggle like a school girl.

He lifted his drink, signally for you to follow suit. He raised his glass, waiting for you. You clashed your drinks together, taking a sip.

“Tell me, why New Orleans?”Marcel asked as you both set the drinks down.

“Oh well, I hadn’t seen my best friends, Eva and Lucy,” You motioned to the girls,”In maybe 8 months. We had spent nearly five years living together.”

Eva leaned over, “Now we’re all hours away from each other, we don’t get much time to visit.”

“It’s mandatory for us to go on a girls trip at least every month.” You added, taking another sip, knowing Lucy will butt in next. Marcel just watching the vibe between you three, he thought it looked like the human way of a family. Which you were, Eva and Lucy are your family.

“But someone” Lucy points to you behind your head, “got into a - Okay! I think that’s enough from you two.” You interrupted her, you were okay talking to women about your abusive relationship, but when it came to telling men- let alone someone you just met and are interested in- you weren’t comfortable yet. And you didn’t want your friend to unload that kind of baggage. 

However, Marcel already knows. You have no knowledge of the supernaturals in the world, you didn’t know that Marcel already heard you talk about it. He heard your heartbeat rise when Lucy began to talk about it. You were nervous, which he understood. And he couldn’t help but want you more. He wanted to protect you.

“Okay fine, we’ll just see you back at the hotel later. We’re gonna go find something to do.” Eva gathered herself and Lucy, who seemed to be pretty drunk already. 

Saying their goodbyes and your focus was back to the present.

Marcel placed his hand on yours, You looked to him. “Whatever Lucy was going on about, I don’t want you to worry about it. Whatever it is, you can tell me or not. I understand.” 

You smiled, you could see it in his face. You knew he knew.“Thank you, but something tells me you already know?”

He sighed, “I’m only guessing it wasn’t something good.”

“He was abusive, a cheater, and an addict. I thought I could change him, help him. He was good, until he wasn’t. But I did all the steps. I documented, went to friends and police. I got a restraining order, I moved, got a new job, a place all by myself. I’m doing better now, that’s what is important.” You explained, feeling accomplished and grateful you were able to get out. 

You were proud of yourself and made progress moving on from everything.

Behind you, in a corner, a vampire calls Marcel away. Marcel signally to give him a minute.

“I’m proud of you, Y/n. Thats good! How about another drink?” You nodded, as he signaled for Cami.

“I’m sorry but will you excuse me for a second, I’m just gonna go to the bathroom for a quick second. Don’t go anywhere just yet, okay?” He asked, getting up his seat.

“Oh yeah no, go for it.” You smiled and his hand brushed your shoulder.

Cami comes back with your refill, “Im sorry I didn’t mean to eavesdrop but I’m really happy you’re in a good place right now.”

“Oh no it’s okay, you basically already knew. Minor details. Thank you.”

“Y’know Marcel is a really great guy,” She began to make a drink for someone across the bar. “He looks out for the tourists and locals, keeps them safe.”

“So this city, is his or?” Cami laughs, if only you knew.

“He’s very influential here, stick with him. You’ll be safe.” Cami walks off, serving the drink she just made.

You look at the menu for desserts, sipping your bourbon. Then Marcel comes back, sitting down without a word.

“Is the pie any good Marcel-” You turn to look to Marcel but see Jason instead. Instantly you sprung up to your feet, pushing your stool back. Jason reached out for your arm, squeezing it harder than he thought he would.

The sound of the stool being pushed caught Cami’s attention, watching from the end of the bar. Seeing the disgust for him on your face, your body language stiff but grounded and unwavering.

Just as she was about to go to you, Marcel walked back in from the back. Vampire drama dealt with. “Cami, what’s up?”

“I think that's her ex.” Cami’s eyes never leaving you.

Jason grabbed you, keeping you there.”Wait, please just hear me out.”

You looked at his hand squeezing you, it began to hurt. “Let. Me. Go.” Looking back up at him, his eyes red teary. He was high.

He scoffed, “No, just hear me out.”

“I have a restraining order dude! Let me go!” You raised your voice, catching Marcels attention. Swiftly he walked to you two.

“I do believe she told you to let her go.” Marcel intervened, one hand placed gently on your back.

“This doesn’t concern you!” He belted at Marcel, digging his fingers deeper. you helped in pain. Marcel took a hold of Jasons hand, squeezing it with his vampire strength. Jasons claws unlatched from you, it will definitely bruise.

“I called the cops, Marcel.” Cami came to you with an ice pack.

Marcel then tried to escort Jason outside but Jason began to fight back. Falling back and into other people on the way out. When finally Marcel sucker punched him, knocking hims unconscious.

After the police took my statement and pictures of the already bruised arm, they arrested him and took him to county jail.

Marcel sits in the seat the officer was in, placing two cups of bourbon. “I called your friends, they should be here any minute. I’m so sorry that happened. Are you okay?” 

“Yeah, I’m good. Thank you. Really.” You smiled, chuckling after a moment of silence. “We just met and we had a crazy ex boyfriend situation before our first date!”

Marcel laughed with you. He smiled at you brightly, somehow making you smile just as big. You reach for his hand, holding it.

“I still expect yo take you out, no crazy ex drama will get in the way of our date.” Marcel said, earning a laugh from you.

~~

Again I mean no harm with this imagine.

[mythiccheroacademia]

Happy New Years Hotties!!!

hey :) i know your dash is flodded with beautiful new year’s posts and i just wanna pop in and add my own little thank you note. if you read nothing else, at least read this.

after the year we just had, you deserve some big gross romantic declaration of love and then a new year’s kiss. so lemme just say i love you and give you a smooch. you survived all 365 days and that’s some real hot girl shit. thank you for being you. i’m shaking some metaphorical ass for you bc you are that bitch

wishing nothing but inner peace, self love, confidence, happiness, big moneyyy and all the pretty bitch shit you could ever want in life <3

now that that’s over, wanna see me be a cornball beneath the line?

i’ve attempted to write this an embarassing amount of times. so now im forced to write this 2 hours before midnight at a church event....wearing white like im not on the most sinful app in my phone...in front of my mother...keeping a straight face in front of 100 people...and this wig is squeezing tf out my head. this is prolly not gonna be perfect and if i forget anything or anyone, my b dawg. i’ll be back to edit

so let’s get into it. no beta, we die like hot girls 

there’s about 5.4k+ of y’all i’d like to individually thank, but that’s impossible in the time constraint i have. so, for now, pls accept this embarrassing thank you/love letter. im not gonna act like i dont spill my heart out to yall on a daily. but imma do it again. this yr was trash tbh. everyone was being tested like all hell, but we’re here and i’m very grateful for that. my heart is full from all the kind hearts i’ve met throughout my time on here. 

~~~

to my mutuals, your presence literally blows my mind bc there was certainly a time i talked to me, myself, and i LMAO. i was so nervous to speak to anyone outside of asks bc a bitch was shy, but you’ve all accepted me with open arms and have made my time on here that more bearable. thanks for tolerating me bc ik i’m a lot sometimes hehe. y’all are cool asf and a large reason why i haven’t called it quits. no matter what i want the best for y’all. thank you, i love you 

also i have to write a special shout out to @bnhainthewoo and @melanimed bc you two hoes are stuck w me forever. even tho ion like yall niggas all the time, i love y’all like sisters. you’ve supported me through some real shit and i cant say thank you enough. i’d literally fight anyone for y’all also @liltodo @cellotonin @kingtamakimurder @tamasoft @kelatonin @mrs-atushiro @itsbabyysunnyy @mypimpademia @myhoodacademia @infernaltribute7 @sheerxradiance (i’m forgetting so many people but my mom just asked why i’m typing so much and im PANICKING) you all are people that i was lowkey highkey geeked to get to know and blogs i look up to. when i figured out you followed me, i smiled a lot and every time i interact with y’all i literally tell myself ‘don’t fuck this up cece.’ it’s sick LMAOOO i appreciate you and idk man, i just genuinely like you guys a lot and ion be liking people like dat. hope y’all are well and know that i have real love for you. i’d revoke my hottie card for y’all <3

~~~

to my anime anons, bitchhhhhh y’all are a RIOT. thee harem house is a mess!!! the way you keep my on my toes is sickening. you guys deserve a medal. you make my tumblr experience so fun, i can’t thank y’all enough. you make me feel all kinds of emotions and i’m always asking myself, “now how’d we end up here?” KSSKSK. please know that i’m grateful for every note and ask. i hope you all are having a wonderful new year. i love youuuuu

~~~

to my followers, if anyone deserves the biggest thank you, it’s y’all. you’re the main reason i write. the comments and interactions i get from you....i dont understand how i got so lucky. you’ve seen some shit on here yet you still stay. like bitch wtf. WHY ARE Y’ALL STILL HERE??? you make me smile and i honest to God wish i could hug you all. thank you for believing in my writing. thank you for believing in me and this blog. and thank you for being some real ass pretty bitches

i had more to say but i’d be here all night. happy new years y’all. be safe and know i care about you. thanks for surviving 2020 with me. y’all are some hot girls fr fr

i’m about to tag everyone and their mama. if i forget you, pls know i dont mean it and I”M COMING BACK. i have to do this in the next 3 min jdknfk;fk i love you. don’t come at me sideways! i beg!!!

@sems-diarie @sunshineszn @pinkceokjin23 @chefakari @black-bhabie-2000 @azura-galaxy @amajikibby @des-the-girl @blkanimegyal  @iiminibattlehero   @lilsparkyswife @stellarxfresh @mintballoons @reebgirl13 @bnha-baddie @vixenpen @oshun-energy @vangooh-works @tediursula @oh-sotired @azura-galaxy @fuckingyaoimann @astrablossom @todorokiaimee @thermaflute @saitamastamaticsoup @velvesagi @blkladyelle @sweetbakugou @shayiswifey @vodrea @bakugoustanaccount @shhhlikeme  @bnhatrashh @niggacaaaaaat @tododeku-or-bust (couldnt forget to add you<3)

[katnissmellarkkk]

Andddd here’s my chappy three thoughts 🥳🥳🥳

Hmmm Katniss saying that her mother has a dress made of velvet is actually really interesting because it shows that Mrs. Everdeen Lily-Rose really was well-er off before she married Katniss’ father Hunter.

Or did she get the velvet dress from Maysilee? Oh well, who knows.

Aww, Katniss’ nervous habit of touching soft things repeatedly to soothe herself 🤧🤧.

“Crying is not an option. There will be more cameras at the train station.” — someone tell that to Peeta 🤣🤣🤣.

Okay I gotta stop picking on Primmers, I know but like. How small is she that she sits on Katniss’ lap like a toddler but then in the following year is the same height as her? Doesn’t matter I know but still I wonder.

Okay so Mrs. E is the doctor for the people of the Seam? Idk I never thought about this but who does people like Peeta or Madge or Delly go to if they’re sick or hurt? Is there a still running apothecary shop that Katniss never mentions? Are her grandparents still running the family biz?

Also okay, I gotta stop having so many thoughts on all the lil details I know but like. Katniss says here she’s familiar with the herbs her mother doesn’t grow on her own so like a). Katniss is more of a healer than she leads on because no average person knows what kind of plant is medicinal and b). Her mother is just growing herbs and Katniss never mentions it again in the whole series? Or I just missed it.

Okay imma move on from this one singular paragraph but Gale and her made a pact a year ago that they’ll supply each other’s family with game if they were to be reaped... I’m feeling like their close friendship is probably only one year old then? Idk. Just my interpretation.

Honestly I love Katniss getting mad at her mom here.

She’s sixteen, for God’s sake, of course she’s angry at what her mother’s illness put her through.

Also I lowkey like that her mother got mad back because that lady in the movies had zero personality.

“Boys who are two to three times my size.” She sounds so little, omg 🥺🥺🥺.

“I don’t care if we’re rich, I just really want you to come home” 🤧🤧🤧😩😩😩😩 okay Primmers, you got me here.

“the Peacekeeper is at the door, signaling our time is up, and we're all hugging one another so hard it hurts and all I'm saying is ‘I love you. I love you both.’ And they're saying it back...” this is so sad leave me be 😫😫😫😫

Katniss is burying her face in a pillow to block out her emotions this is too much for me 🥵🥵🥵

Omg I forgot Peeta’s father visits Katniss 😅

Why does he visit Katniss?

She describes Peeta’s father as a “big, broad-shouldered man.” And then describes Peeta as stocky. Idk the comparison of the two descriptions has always led me to think Peeta is gonna be a big dude when he grows up like his father. This made no sense and had zero correlation but I thought, so I said it, no regrets

Oh he brought her cookies 🤧

WAIT WAIT WAIT. I just had a new thought, y’all. What if instead of the baker bringing cookies being a thing he does for all tributes, what if he’s bringing the cookies because Peeta asked him to, because he made them and wants to give them to Katniss and knows she’ll never accept / trust them coming from her competition? What if that’s the real reason the baker visited her in the first place? Because Peeta asked him to? This was such a shipper comment but idc, no regrets, remember?

Omg Peeta’s father is just mute 🤣🤣🤣

Between an abusive, angry mother and a mute for a father, the Mellark brothers must have had a fairytale of a childhood 😅😅😅😅.

But seriously #PoorPeetaMyBaby

Aww Peeta’s father is gonna help keep Prim alive 😭

Omg I just remembered he’s her mother’s ex boyfriend. Haidon Mellark, as I named him in my fics.

That one fic where he was thought to be Prim’s real father is just playing now in my head, rent free.

But does Katniss not realize that he may be offering to help Prim as a favor to her? Like she claims Prim is just so wonderful people adore her but there’s like zero evidence in the text that make her endearing? Okay I need to turn this bus around, I need to find a love for Primmy Deen.

Madge is not one for preamble apparently. No “hi, how are you? I’m sorry you’re gonna die? What will your last meal be?” Just right to “here, wear this family heirloom of mine, k thanks.”

I like that Madge had to kiss her cheek for Katniss to realize they were friends 😅😅😅.

I remember always loving her and Gale’s hug here. I’ve always felt like it was platonic, but especially when I first read the books and had zero preference one way or another for Gale or Peeta, I really liked how she said even with nothing romantic between them, “when he opens his arms, I don’t hesitate to go to him” or something I’m paraphrasing ok I’m lazy

Also though, this is the first time they’ve ever hugged? Idk why that surprises me? It shouldn’t because where is a hug gonna fit into a hunting trip 😅🤣😂 “I just caught a deer!” “let’s celebrate with a hug!”

I like that Katniss remembers how her father even failed to make a good bow sometimes. Random, I know.

I like that the Capitol weren’t entertained by the people freezing to deaths because it wasn’t bloody enough 🤭🙃

“How different can it be [to kill a human vs an animal]?” She’s about to find out, Gale 🥺. And when she comes back you won’t understand 🙄😔

What did Gale want to say before the Peacekeepers dragged him away?

I used to think it was a confession of love but I’m actually sure it wasn’t now? Just the wording “remember I-“ doesn’t sound like it, considering he never confessed anything prior to her coming home.

I’m assuming now he was just gonna give her some more advice to stay alive 🤷🏼‍♀️. Clearly if it were relevant it would have made its way to the others books.

Aww, she’s never been inside a car before 😭😭. I didn’t even know they had cars in this universe but okay.

I notice though how she says “In the Seam, we travel on foot.” So is Peeta just riding his trolly down the street every day with the other merchants then? 🤣

Peeta just openly crying on camera 😅😢.

I like how Katniss is like “ooo is this an act to get sponsors?” when in reality Peeta’s like “no, I’m just a soft and genuine boy ™️”

Omg I just realized this totally goes along with Peeta’s thing later on “I want to die as myself”

He’s refusing to hold back his emotions because he thinks he’s doomed to die and he’s already refusing to pretend to be or feel something ingenious.

But a Johanna mention in book 1 chapter 3 woohoo 🥳🥳🥳 also Katniss comparing Jo and Peeta is kind of like foreshadowing of their shared torture in book 3.

Omg she just called Peeta broad-shouldered and strong. 🥰🥰🥰 my headcanon for his post-canon body is confirmed

Also why does Katniss keep allotting his strength to carrying bread trays around? Are they heavy? Why have I never once heard of people who carry bread trays being strong? I always thought Peeta was really strong because he learned to fight in order to defend himself against his mother but that’s probably wrong.

But if a mother is abusive, it can lead to one of the kids being physically violent as well and we know Peeta isn’t but he has two older brothers I’m gonna cut myself off now but I think we all smelled what I just stepped in.

Also I just find it so fascinating now how she regards herself vs Peeta here.

When talking about herself, she says, “The competition will be far beyond my abilities. [...] Oh, there'll be people like me, too. People to weed out before the real fun begins.” But when she talks about Peeta, she immediately says, “It would take an awful lot of weeping to convince anyone to overlook him.”

It’s just funny how she discounted herself right from the start but thought he was a real contender and then come to find out, Peeta believes it’s the exact opposite 😂🙃. They’re both so stupid I can’t even take it.

Wait did they actually give the location of the Capitol and the location of District Twelve in today’s world? And I just overlooked it? Brb I’m gonna go to google maps right quick.

Okay so basically what I gathered is the Capitol is probably in New Mexico and District Twelve is somewhere between Kentucky and Alabama. Irrelevant I know. But just a reminder now to everyone that Katniss and Peeta are literally speaking, crying and screaming in thick, backwoods southern accents.

It’s literally so sad how everything for Katniss is about food. Like every motive she has, every action she does is about preventing starvation ever again. 🤧🤧🤧

First mockingjay mention 🤭🤭.

“My father was particularly fond of mockingjays” 😭😭😭 I bet he was 😭😭😭😭

We always go on and on about how Katniss is a mockingjay or her children are mockingjays but Katniss herself here says mockingjays represent her father imma cry, y’all 😫😫😫😫

“It’s like having a piece of my father with me, protecting me” shut up shut up shut up shut up

Awww, Katniss has never had food like this before 😔😔😔

Neither has Peeta 🤧🤧

Katniss disliking the way Effie put the two kids from the year before down and so began to eat like a pig just to prove her point, is so her. And the beginning of her fighting for the underdog.

Omg the Rue introduction 🥺🥺🥺

Bahahahaha the commenters calling District Twelve backwards but charming 😅😅😅 they really are the hillbilly district

Peeta’s unexpected laugh 🥺🥺🥺 I love you, baby

“He was drunk. He’s drunk every year.” “Every day.” Katniss and Peeta are already finishing each other’s sentiments and teaming up to get on Effie’s nerves I love them so much 😍

Oh my God, Effie, you selfish jerk. They’re kids having fun for like one second, no need to throw in their faces they’re gonna die if the drunk won’t help them. I’d forgotten why I don’t really like the book version of her. I actually prefer her as comedic relief in the movies.

I actually just realized I really dislike Effie Trinket, I hope they never speak to her again Post-Mockingjay. Idc how you’re raised you don’t need to treat teenagers who are sentenced to a probable death badly just because they laughed at you 🙄🙄🙄😡😡😡😡. They didn’t even really laugh at her, she’s just annoying and awful, we don’t stan Effie in this household.

Okay, that’s all for my thoughts on chapter three! Until next time, y’all ! If anyone actually read this long mess of a post.

[sunflowersteves]

Unforgivable || ch. three

Natasha Romanoff x Fem!Reader

𝒔𝒖𝒎𝒎𝒂𝒓𝒚: Your life with Natasha seemed like pure bliss until the team mistakes you for an agent gone rogue. 

Author’s note: Here’s the last part! I’ve loved this journey trip of angst. I hope you all enjoy! Imma do a little extra with a smutty honeymoon ;))))

Warnings: angst, fluff!, swearing, angsty plot, basically the whole team is a dick

Main Masterlist

Previously:

Now you had to make a choice. Forgive Natasha or never see her again? On one hand, you wanted to be back in her arms again. Smelling her shampoo and kissing her temple all while that passion and love fill your stomach. But on the other hand, the Avengers had threatened you and your life. Natasha thought they were right. Natasha believed them, believed that you used her for information.

Although, you know you’ve already made your decision.

~~

Natasha had been holding up in her room ever since she took you to the bus station. She knew she needed to keep her distance from you but she couldn’t help but sulk. She also didn’t want any confrontation with the team, she was still super pissed. Honestly, she would probably break each of their fingers right now.

She realized that you were it for her. You were the light of her life, the sunshine that shone through her terrible days. She remembered how after particularly hard missions, you wouldn’t ask and question. You’d immediately run a bath and take a loofah, gently rubbing up and down her skin.

Sometimes she would stare at you in awe, no one has ever done that before. Most of the people Nat has been with, they’d just brush her off. You on the other hand would pamper and comfort until she was happily smiling. 

Natasha would just stare blankly in front of her, the darkness of her past haunting every movement she took. You could always tell when a mission went bad or it uncovered some dark secrets. You would wrap your arms around her waist and just hold her there while she softly cried into your arms.

Normally the two of you would spend time making dinner together, laughing, and dancing around in the kitchen. However, on the days that the two of you would need each other, one of you would make the other their meal.

You always made sure to have Nat’s favorite dish ingredients on hand. You’d stir the pasta around with a fork and the pesto sauce was poured on top. On days that were particularly bad, you would feed her yourself. You’d wrap the fork around the noodles, “Open wide, sweetheart.” Tears would always prick her eyes at your gentle voice and open her mouth, watching her chew it all down.

On good days, the two of you would cuddle and watch as many movies as you could. Her favorite to watch with you was horror because you’d jump in her arms and she’d coo at you until you were no longer scared. Sometimes you would go to parks and swing together on a swing set. Nat would bring a picnic basket with both of your favorite snacks and you’d endlessly tease each other.

Natasha had never realized how much she loved you until you were gone. Sure, she was aware that she was in love with you but not hopelessly so in love that she never wants to spend the rest of her life with anyone else but you. A couple of tears escaped down her cheeks, a full sob running out of her mouth.

All she felt, as she was curled up in a ball on her bedroom floor, was heartbreak. The depth of her stomach would twist and turn as she kept thinking about you running away from everyone. Her organs felt tangled in one another and she felt like her lungs were collapsing in on her. She was drowning. Drawing in the sorrow that was the loss of the love of her life. She was drowning in the anger and disappointment of herself and her friends.

She believed their word over yours. The ones who made the mistake of thinking you were from Hydra. She should’ve trusted you. She should’ve immediately run after you, assuring you that she believed you.

But she didn’t. She didn’t run after you and envelope you into her arms. She let her friends spoil her mind into thinking that you manipulated her.

A light knock at the door disrupted her thoughts. Was it you? Had you given a tiny ounce of forgiveness? She lifted herself up from the floor and pulled open the bedroom door. “Clint.” She sighed, her stomach plummeting to the ground. She almost slammed the door in his face but he kept his foot wedged.

“Nat-”

“I don’t want to hear it, okay?” Nat sat back down onto her bed, pulling her knees up to her chest. Heavy sobs raked over her body and her shoulder flinched as Clint tried to comfort her. He did it again but this time she let him, Natasha’s wails were compressed with hurt and sorrow.

He pulled her into his arms and rubbed his hand back and forth. “I am so so sorry, Nat. I’m so sorry that we made you believe that she was a double agent. I should’ve looked better into it. This isn’t an excuse but I’m going to be honest with you. I’m in love with you, Natasha.” Her eyes snapped towards his, a gasp leaving her mouth. Her tears had slowly stopped and it slowly turned into rage.

“So that means you can just shove her away as you did? It means that because you love me, you get to drive others away?” She tried to get out of his hold but he only seemed to hug her even harder. He shook his head at her question. Sure, he was in love with Nat but he genuinely thought that you worked for Hydra.

“When I saw how happy you were, my whole world crashed. When you were introducing us to your girlfriend, I mean, I was jealous to the point of trying to find dirt on her. So when I found that file, I wanted it to be true.” She sighed, the anger was still coursing through her veins at each word he spoke but she kept quiet. Nat knew that he wasn’t done with what he was saying.

“But then I saw how hard this hit you. The pain and suffering and desperation that this whole situation made me realize how dumb I was being. I want you to be happy Nat,” He turned to look at her face, her eyes flickering between his. “Again, none of this is an excuse for my actions. I just want you to know my side. If it helps, I had all of us go apologize to her and explain your side.” 

Her whole body perked up, she grabbed onto Clint's shoulders, “What? What’d she say? Is she oka-”

“I’m not going to lie to you Nat, she looked hurt. But she seemed to understand your side of the story. We also want to make it up to her, if you two decide to rekindle.” She nodded, a couple of tears streamed down her face as she thought about the heartache you were going through. She knew how hard you took things sometimes.

“What about you, Clint?” He waved his hand up dismissively, assuring her that he’s going to be fine. “I’ll be okay. I’m still very much in love with you but I’ll be okay. I’ll move on,” A bright smile caressed his lips at the thought of his plans tonight. “I even have a date with this really cute girl named Laura.” 

The two of them giggled and talked a bit about what she was going to do to try and win you back. However, if you wanted space she'd give you that in a heartbeat. Clint eventually left to get ready for his date leaving Nat back alone in her room.

She was contemplating running in your arms right now or just letting you think over things, so she could contact you.

But what if you were thinking the same? What if you were waiting for her to react?

Oh, fuck what if’s, Nat thought. She could sit there all day wondering what you would do and how you react. Why doesn’t she just get up off her ass and ask you? Worst comes to worst and you slam the door in her face. Although, that’s still an answer.

She picked herself off the bed and grabbed her things. She ran out the door to try and run down the long hallway but was stopped by a body slamming into her. She immediately went to see if the person was okay but then she froze.

There you were, right in front of her. Your hair was framed perfectly around your face, your tear-stained cheeks were wet but Nat couldn’t help but see how adorable you looked. Sunshine had radiately off of you despite being in a very big predicament. Your clothes were rushed to be put on and your shoes weren’t even tied.

“Nat-”

She interrupted you but launched herself in your arms, screaming almost at the top of her lungs. “I am so so sorry! I shouldn’t have believed them. I should’ve come running to you. I’m so sorry. I will do anything, and I mean anything if it means you’ll give me a second chance. But also if you want me to leave, I’ll-”

You immediately shushed her, stroking her bright red hair. “I’m not going to leave. I love you, Nat. I love you so so much. I can’t see spending my life anywhere else but with you.” Large sobs from the two of you filled the air. Her grip on you was tight like you were going to disappear if she let go.

“I’m not going to forgive you easily though. We have a lot to work on and a lot to work on with the Avengers but I’m willing to give it a shot.” She held you even tighter before, and you let go of her hold just a bit. Your heat ached as a whimper left her mouth but you quickly filled her reassurance with a light, feverish kiss. 

~~

Three years later

“Tony, if you don’t shut the fuck up right now, I will stab you.” Tony was all choked up to see Nat in her wedding dress near the altar. Tony just rolled his eyes at Nat and kept sobbing to himself. “I will cry all I want.”

Now it was her turn to roll her eyes, “Just don’t fuck up the wedding photos.”

Wanda was next to her in her bridesmaid dress and a small bouquet. The music started to play and the chatter died down. A gasp left her lips as you came into view, your dad having his arm locked around yours.

You were utterly beautiful. Your white dresses pooled largely around your feet, the flowery patterns had skated up and down the dress. Your veil was covering your face but Natasha already knows that you were the most beautiful person in the world.

You walked down the aisle and your dad let go of you, walking towards Nat with a fit of giggles. She lifted up your veil and gasped, her heart swelling with love and adoration. 

The ceremony went on, saying the ‘I do’s’ to each other and holding hands. The smiles never left your faces. If you were being honest, you forgot about everyone else in the room. The only thing you could stare at was her in her wedding dress.

“You may now kiss the bride.” Natasha didn’t waste any time and she pounced on you. She grabbed your face and pressed her lips against yours. The chapel erupted with glee and shooting at the two of you officially being married. 

Her hands snaked around your waist and your nose occasionally bumped. Her tongue tasted like honey, light fireworks erupted in your stomach at the feeling of her around you. She moved her head back, the two of you panting and the cheers still roaring in your ear.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

~~

Natasha Romanoff: @natasha-danvers

Unforgivable: @messuhp @dark-heart-no-soul @jenny-song @kangerland @izalesbean

Permanent Taglist: @hailmary-yramliah @kitkatd7 @captainchrisstan @angstysebfan

[kimtaegis]

WOMAN HIIII!!!!💖💖HOW IS MY ANGEL DOINGG??? babi i love youuuu<333 sooo i wanted to let uk that im doing find and i wanted to check in on u too!! anywasyysysysy i saw a couple of posts abt u being overwhelmed and im aware of u feeling this way, u do quite sometimes and just like the prev times, firstly i wanna say that i understand. and i feel the same way most of the time. uk when i had just become an army i spent a lot of time being an army w/o any social media and i still like the vibes of that time than my time spent on tumblr/exploring twt. anyways, i just wanna say that its okay and u should give yourself a break. pls take care of yoself. watch run btw or wtw and dont follow the updates. will 100% give u peace. like, trust me on this one.

secondly, abt u feeling,,,,,, insignificant. woman. w all due respect, shut the genuine fuck up. do u not know how impactful are u?!?!? do u not know how amazing u are?? ure literally an angel okay?? irdk what my tumblr feed wouldve looked like if it werent for u. ure amazing. ure kind. ure beautiful inside out. yes not millions know u/follow u but u still matter to a lot of ppl and thats enough. its not imp to be at the top,,, ultimately if u think abt it even bts have pretty much each other and a few friends outside of it and thas allll that matters hon. everyone has a diff journey and we should never compare ourselves w others. i struggle w it too and ik its easier said than done but when u stop comparing yourself even for just a bit, u see how bful and mess free life is.

sometimes i feel like these long paras may be annoying for u like no one asked n**ka fkn relax😬but i really wish to like,,,,, be there for u if that makes sense??? no? okay. in short, ure free to bin it if u dont want this but i hope u can feel better by reading this. and even replying or not replying, keeping it priv or wtw its all upto u. i just cant see one of the most bful souls ive ever met being sad and overwhelmed :(

chugg that water down baby, helps wonders<3 listen to some music, dance to some hoe songs (fkn mood imo) or just dance in general. let that adrenaline kick in and... wlel imma stop talking now🤣😅babe ill see u mf sooonnn!! take care<33 million kithies for u and holding yo hand like tae does yoon's :3 💖💖💖 (🐯)

hello my sweetest love! It’s so good to hear from you, I’m glad that you’re doing well 💞 I hope you don’t mind a rather short answer from me this time around; I am incredibly grateful for everything you said and it’s really comforting to know that you care about me enough to take time out of your day to write me these lovely messages, I still don’t know how I deserve that 💔 I’ve gone through a really tough episode recently, and while yes, it had also to do with some stuff that had happened on tumblr, it was mostly triggered by my actual real life fears and problems. I think I’m getting better at taking a step back from here when I feel overwhelmed by content, my own negativity and/ or fears that I have and that’s good! I also think that I won’t be sharing so much of my mental instability anymore on here lmao, and just stay offline when I’m feeling bad. So that’s why I won’t talk more in depth about what you said in this ask, I really do hope that’s okay 💘 I adore you so much for cheering me on and making me smile (and blush!!) so much with your sweet compliments, you really make my heart flutter babe! I’m repeating myself but – thank you, so so much. You always make me feel better about myself and what I do and I’m just so utterly thankful. I love you, take care!! ❤️❤️

[plentyofgay]

I need you to tell your parents that we are literally just friends. That that’s all we will ever be. That we had a “talk” and that I’m not physically attracted to you. You’re not my type and that you’re too young for me. That I consider you one of my haunt babies. But that we have a brother like relationship.

But know that I don’t feel like that. You know how I feel. It isn’t gonna change. And it isn’t going anywhere. I can compartmentalism it and have it not be an issue. NOT IN A BAD OR TOXIC WAY. I can have it ready if you decide one day that you’re ready.

Or we can just be best friends. Hopefully best friends that cuddle and still hang out and hug. Cause I love you. Wether it be platonic or romantic.

If you and Kai date. Which I’m worried that you will. And worried that they are going to hurt you. I will be here. I’m always gonna be here. You’re always gonna have a cord of energy attached to you from me and vice versa.

I know your here to show me love that I haven’t received. Whether or not you’re the only one that’s suppose to show me that or not I don’t not know yet. That’s the journey we are currently on.

You’ve never had someone care for you like I do? Have you? Is that the same reason that I’m in your life.

The painting that I made reins true. I’ll find you again wherever we end up next. That resonates with me.

Yes I’m gonna back off with the lovey dovey stuff. The whole reason I think I’ve been doing it is cause I want you to do it back to me. Step out ya comfort zone. I think I like to challenge you.

Don’t be worried that I’m obsessed with you. I just love you. There’s not an obsession. If I was obsessed I would have done some stupid shit. I would have made you think I’m a perfect person and manipulated you. Granted. I don’t genuinely know how I would do that. I’m just being authentic and fully me with you.

I’m attached I believe because you’ve shown me what no one else has. Actual love, kindness, understanding, stability, a genuine connection, you’re supportive. Hell you may not tell me I’m cute and sexy and all the things I wish you would. That’s why I ask you a lot.

I don’t want you to get hurt again. Cause I know you’ve been hurt really badly in the past. I don’t want that for you. I’m so worried that someone is gonna sweep you up. You’re gonna fall for them, they are gonna tell you that you’re not allowed to talk to me or you have to block me, and then boom you’re just gone. I’ve done that with so many people. I always give and give and give. I never get anything back.

But. With you. I’ve gotten stuff back. The energy and effort I’ve put into you I’ve received back and then some.

When you told me earlier that we needed to talk. My brain automatically thought. This is it. He’s gone. This is what you’ve been afraid of. This is your biggest fear. Him showing you something youve never had before. And poof he’s gone like that. But you’re not. You’re still here. You still love me. You still care. Granted we both want what we can’t have. But that’s okay. That’s something we work thru. Nothing is easy. Especially this.

You’re telling me this cause you don’t want me to get hurt. Cause you’re afraid you’re gonna hurt me and I’m gonna get mad and never speak to you again?

That ain’t gonna happen. Ever. Never ever. “I’ll find you again wherever we end up next.” Hold on to that phrase remember it. Cause it’s true. I’m always gonna find you. You’re always gonna be a part of my life. I guess I’ve been waiting for you. That’s that. We may be soul mates we may not be. I have nooooo idea. We are something tho. That I can promise. Shit if I died today. We’d find each other again. I’d always be with you. Honestly I could die happy at this point. I think you’ve shown me genuine kindness and love. You’ve shown me something new.

I’m still gonna buy you shit that you don’t need or want. Just cause I do that for everyone. I literally bought a bunch of worms just cause Emily wanted a worm curtain.

Hell we may move on from each other. That may very well happen. I’m not cutting myself off for you. If someone that I think is cute and that I think they like me too then imma prolly try it. Is that okay? Is that gonna hurt you??? I haven’t really found anyone like that yet. Just you so far. But I’m not gonna limit myself.

I will say tho. That if you say. Yes I wanna try to be boyfriends. It’s not gonna be an immediate yes. You still gotta take me on some dates and we still gonna have to like work on some stuff. Just like anyone would. For right now we are just what we are. I don’t wanna call it just “friends”. Cause I don’t wanna label it that. But I don’t think we are quite romantically talking either. We are just doing what we wanna do. When it’s time to not. Well know.

Also. You’re not even 20 yet. You’ve still got shit to do. I’m 24 I’ve still got shit to do. I’m not ready for a long term relationship anyways. It just wouldn’t work right now. I wasn’t even looking for someone to date. Then you rolled around and I was like. Well shit. I just wanted to have sex with you at first. But then ya worked some kind of avery magic and we are where we are now.

So yes. Date Kai if that’s what you figure you want. I don’t think you really need to tho. I don’t think you need to date anyone at the current moment. I think you need to work on other stuff. Just keep like talking to whoever and having fun. But be honest about it. Don’t hide anything.

Just still love me and hang out with me. That’s all I want and need. Even tho sometimes I long for more. But ultimately that’s all is needed. I know I have some work I need to do on me even before I’d be ready to be your boyfriend or anyone ones.

So. Just keep coming over. Maybe we’ll have some sex, maybe we’ll make out. Maybe I can teach you some stuff. Help you discover new things. But we will still hang out. Cause I love you.

I’m not gonna be missing out on anyone or wasting my time if I wait for you. People do not get romantically interested in me. Trust me. So I’m not wasting my time. You’re not wasting my time. If someone comes along and I fall in love with them. You’ll be there first to know. But rn you’ve got me. Soooooo. Imma just be patient. Until you tell me that I shouldn’t. When you tell me there is no chance in hell that we will date that’s when I’ll start getting over you. Till then imma just be patient.

Typing these out make me less anxious. Granted I’ve HAVENT gotten out of my bed since yesterday. Cause I still don’t know what’s going on. I still don’t know whether to let you go or to keep you close. I’m just confused and sad. I haven’t cried again yet. I haven’t self harmed. I haven’t even really felt like it tbh. I haven’t really felt like much actually. I think I’m still processing yesterday. It was really back and forth.

So what are we now? If we keep hanging out is Kai gonna stop talking to you?? I’m really worried about that. That’s not fair to you. And if you do date Kai. I’m not gonna be mad. I’m gonna be very very worried. I don’t believe your ready for a relationship and I think it would end not so well. BUT that just what I think. And I’m still kinda worried about Kai. I’ve just had a weird feeling and I still do. That’s just me being honest and open.

I think I’m okay with just hanging out and not being lovey dovey for now. I’ll do my best to not be lovey divert. If I do just tell me.

[calumance]

Home girl you’re gonna have to give us a part two 👀💕

Hi. 😊 So, you were the first one to ask me to do a part 2. I have like 17 other asks to do it, but I’m posting it on your ask because you were the first one. THIS BAD BOY IS LONG, like I probably could’ve made this a three part thing, but because I have sucked SO BAD at posting this week, imma just give it to you all at once. I genuinely hope the wait, and the read, were worth it. I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH. 😊😊😊😊😊 (the computer I’m on is so out of date that the smiley face emoji is the only one it knows.)

Here is part 1 for you lovelies ❤️

           Calum pulled up in front of Ashton’s house and shut the car off. He leaned his head back and shut his eyes. He swallowed hard trying to keep his heart from shattering into a million pieces. Never in his entire life would he ever think to be unfaithful in a relationship, especially not this one. She is the love his life, the mother of his children. She has given him more than he could ever ask for. The tears started to build behind his eyelids as he lifted it and grabbed his bag from the passenger seat. 

           By the time he got to the door Ashton was already opening the door. Calum didn’t have the guts or the words to call Ashton to tell him he was on his way over to his house. Ashton’s eyebrows were pulled together and his mouth hung open with concern. “I heard your car, what’s going on?” Ashton saw the bag on Calum’s shoulder and knew whatever it was, it wasn’t good.

           Calum pushed past Ashton, not looking him in the eyes, and only mumbled a cold “Nothing.” Calum kept walking through the house until he reached the guest bedroom that he had stayed in so many times before. He left the door open as he threw the bag in the bed and sat down next to it, his hands covering his face. Ashton appeared in the doorway and Calum shook his head, “We just need a few nights apart. I’ll only be here at night, that way I can still take care of Aiden and Logan.” Calum ran his hand across the back of his neck and sighed.

           Ashton made his way into the room and sat down on the bed next to Calum. “It’s about those pictures, isn’t it?” Ashton asked while rubbing his hands together, avoiding all eye contact with Calum. Ashton has seen the pictures earlier in the day, to which he immediately told Calum about. Calum had gone home to talk to her about them, thinking she was going to understand and brush it off. That’s the type of person she usually is, never in their entire relationship has she been jealous. 

           Calum lowered his head as the tears started to flow again. He rolled his fingers into a fiat tight enough that some of his knuckles cracked. His head snapped up and he looked at Ashton, “I didn’t even know who she was, they just stuck her on me and started taking pictures.” Calum looked into Ashton’s eyes. Ashton was dead serious, barely any expression in his face. It’s how he looked when he saw his best friend falling apart at the seams. He had to be strong enough to keep Calum in one piece.

           Ashton nodded and raised his eyebrows, “I know that, and you know that, and so does a lot of people who were around us. She wasn’t there, those people see you out without your wife and kids and fucking run with it.” Ashton looked at Calum. His head hung, his hands clasped together. A tear fell off his cheek and fell to the ground. His head bounced as he nodded at what Ashton was saying. 

           After a full minute of silence, Calum finally cleared his throat and found the words that had been burning inside his mind, “She told me I was lying to her,” he cringed remembering what she had said. “She said that I don’t find her attractive anymore and that I’m lying when I tell her I’ve never even thought about touching someone other than her.” Calum shrugged and looked over at Ashton, no words able to come out.

           Ashton wrapped a single arm around Calum’s shoulders. “She was upset, you were upset. You two were made for each other, it why you have two beautiful kids together. Everything will be fine, stay here a few nights until you’re ready to go and talk to her and sort things out.” Calum nodded and Ashton patted his shoulders before pushing himself off the bed and leaving the room. Calum laid back on the bed and shut his eyes, unable to think about anything other than the woman at home sleeping by herself.

           During the day, Calum would leave Ashton’s house to get home just in time to help get Aiden ready for school. He continued to put on a show like everything was fine, but the second she left to take Aiden to school, he would leave too, unless it was a day she had to work. If she had to work, he would stay and lock himself in his studio until the neighbor dropped Aiden off. They had an agreement with the neighbor to pick up Aiden after school two days a week. He would cater to his and Logan’s every need until they went to bed. Once they were in bed, he would leave without saying a word.

           Calum woke up after the fourth night of staying at Ashton’s. His chest hurt today, he pressed his palm to his chest and cringed. He brushed it off and got out of bed and walked into the bathroom. After a quick shower, he headed home to help get Aiden and Logan ready for the day. The house was quiet, which meant he was early enough that the boys were still asleep. Calum sifted through the refrigerator to find things to make and pack into Aiden’s lunch. Logan’s day care always provided him with snacks until Mali-Koa picked him up in the afternoon.

           Once Aiden’s lunch was packed, Calum ran a hand through his hair and made his way down the hallway to the boys’ bedroom. He gently roused the two sleeping boys and helped them start getting ready. For the corner of his eye, he watched her pass down the hallway. She moved as if she were a ghost. Calum pulled his eyes brows together and took a step towards the doorway, but a small voice stopped him, “Dad?” Calum stopped and turned toward Aiden. “Why has mom been so upset lately? Did something happen to make her so sad?” Aiden nervously toyed with his fingers.

           Calum narrowed his eyebrows and tilted his head. He closed the space him and his son and squatted so he was at eye level with him. “What do you mean?” Calum reaches his hands up and ran them up and down Aiden’s little arms. 

           Aiden’s eyes became glossy as he looked into Calum’s eyes. Before speaking, he looks down at his hands and took a deep breath, “For the past two nights, after you and mom put us to bed, and you guys go into your room, I can hear mom start crying. She cries for a while before it is quiet again.” Aiden shrugged and looked into Calum’s eyes. “I just though since you and mom share a room, you would know what was wrong.” 

           Calum’s heart shattered into a million pieces. His chest started to burn so he stood up and put his hand over his chest. Aiden watched every movement Calum made. Before Calum gave away the shoe they had been putting on the past three days, he found the words, “It’s adult stuff, you’ll understand when you’re older. You just need to give mom some extra love right now, okay?” Aiden nodded and looked down at his hands. Calum ran his hand through Aiden’s hair and sighed, “Now go get dressed or you’re going to be late.” Aiden turned toward his closet to grab some clothes and Calum turned toward the empty hallway, still clutching his chest, which felt like it was caving in.

           The house was silent, after she had taken Aiden to school, and Logan to daycare, Calum locked himself in his studio. It was nice to work in the silence, but it was also horrible because there was nothing to distract him from thinking about everything that’s happened. Calum closed his eyes and dropped his pen onto his notepad, the thoughts running around his head again. He used his thumb and pointer finger to rub his eyes. Just as he dropped his hand from his face, his phone vibrated. He picked it up, seeing a message from the neighbor, sent to both him and his wife. “I’m so sorry this is short notice, but I’m stuck at work and won’t be able to pick Aiden up. I’m sorry!” Calum waited for a few moments to see if she would respond. When she didn’t, he dropped everything and grabbed his keys to head to the school.

           Calum arrived at the school a few minutes before school actually let out. He decided to head into the school and meet him outside the classroom. He walked with one hand in his pocket and the other running across his lips. The last time he smile a cigarette was right after they got together, but right now seemed like a great time to have one. Calum dropped his hand from his lips and shoved it into his pocket and looked up. As he looked up he noticed her car, and she was still sitting inside of it. Calum pulled his phone from his pocket to make sure he hadn’t missed a text from her saying she would pick him up. When he saw he hadn’t, he placed his phone back in his pocket and looked over at her car again.

           Both of her hands were clutching the steering wheel. Her arms were locked straight and her head and leaning back. As she lifted her head and leaned forward, she buckled as if she were punched in the gut. A closer look told Calum she was crying, and crying hysterically. The sight made him feel like his chest had finally caved, he had never seen her cry like that, and it was all because of him. He took two steps closer to her car but remembered he needed to be outside the classroom when school got out so Aiden wouldn’t run around looking for the neighbor. As he continued to walk into the school, he replied to the neighbor’s message, “thanks for letting us know, I’m waiting outside his classroom right now.” As Calum waited for Aiden to get out of class he sent Mali-Koa a message, asking her to keep Logan for the night, and then sent one single message to his wife, “I’m going to drop Aiden off at Ashton’s, meet me at home.”

           That’s exactly what Calum did, he drove Aiden to Ashton’s house and while Ashton was entertaining Aiden, Calum packed up his bag. Calum promised Aiden he would come back for him in the morning and then left. As Calum drove the few minutes home, he thought about what he wanted to say. He couldn’t decide if he was angry, or if he just wanted to pretend none of this happened. Would he even be able to be upset since she’s the one who is upset with him? All Calum knew was that he wanted to be able to sleep next to her again, hold her against him again, kiss her again. Just as he rounded the corner to the house, he sighed and ran his hand across his forehead. Her car was in the driveway and it made his stomach drop.

           The house was eerily quiet; the silence made Calum’s hands tremble as he shut the door and looked around the house. There was a noise that resembled a sniffle from the kitchen. Calum slowly made his way through the house and into the kitchen. She was sitting at the table, a cup of tea between her hands. Her head hung slightly as she stared at the liquid in her cup, which was incredibly still. Calum figures she didn’t hear him come in when she didn’t turn to face him, but he was proven wrong when she suddenly asked, “Is Logan with your sister?” Her voice was dull and low, weak from the amount she has cried the past few days. It absolutely broke Calum’s heart.

           Calum took a deep breath, “Yeah, I asked her to keep him for the night. Ashton is going to keep Aiden for the night too.” Calum made his way around to the other side of the table so he could sit across from her. She didn’t look at him until he was fully seated. Her eyes were glazed over, there was barely any shine to them. Her face was pale and her hair had lost most of its sheen. Calum’s breath hitched in his chest and he swallowed before looking away from her.

           She nodded and tapped the edge of her cup with her thumbs. “Are you going to go back to Ashton’s tonight?” Calum looked at her again and pulled his eyebrows together. He never told her where he was staying. She rolled her eyes and looked out the window. “He’s your best friend. He’s the first person you run to with good or bad news. I just figured that’s where you went. I didn’t follow you or anything.”

           She continued to stare out the window as Calum sat up and cleared his throat. “I’m not going back to Ashton’s tonight.” That caused her to look at him again, and he swallowed the lump in his throat. “I want to fight, I want to talk this out. I’d rather fight with you every single day for the rest of my life than be away from you for one more night.” That’s not what he expected he was going to say, but it was the truth.

           Her face was expressionless, she barely even blinked. “Where do you want to start then?” She said while raising a single eyebrow, the rest of her body remaining still. 

           Calum leaned forward and rested his elbows on the table. He clasped his hand together and nervously bounced his leg. “Why would you ever think I’d be unfaithful to you?” When he looked into her eyes, the tears were already forming, as if she knew that was the question he was going to ask first.

           “You don’t look at me the way you used to.” She replied immediately. Her eyes dropped to her hands again and she raised her eyebrows in an attempt to stop the tears from falling. “You used to look at me as if I were the only living thing on the planet. I used to feel like even across the room that I was the only person you could see.” She used her pointer finger to wipe away a tear that had fallen. “Recently,” she shrugged and shook her head then looked up at Calum. “I feel like I’m just this blur every time you look at me. Granted, I haven’t been as confident as I usually am, but I guess that’s what happens after you have two kids.” The look on Calum’s face told her that he was at a loss for words, so she took the opportunity to continue, “When I saw those pictures, the insecurities that have been festering in my head exploded. She’s prettier and younger than I am, and probably hasn’t had two kids making every single part of her body look different.”

           Calum finally found some words and managed to spit out, “But nothing happened. I don’t even know who she is.” He tried to keep going, but the words got caught behind the tightness in his chest. He sat back in his chair feeling defeated.

           She nodded and looked down at her tea, “I know.” She swallowed feeling the sudden tension between her and Calum. “Sierra called me after you had left that first night. She told me she was standing by the guy who told her to touch you so he could sell the pictures and get money.” She shook her head and felt the tears start burning as they rolled down her cheek, “After that I wasn’t upset that it happened, I was upset that despite those pictures, this fight was bound to happen one way or another.” She leaned forward and narrowed her eyebrows, “Despite those pictures, I still don’t feel like I mean anything to you anymore, and that you’re not attracted to me anymore, and that you only stay here because of Aiden and Logan.” Calum swallowed, a horribly thick silence falling between them.

           Her heart was beating hard enough that she could swear he could hear it. Her stomach twisted with nerves, waiting impatiently for him to say what he needs to say. Suddenly, he pushes his chair back, causing a squeal that makes her jump and scoot back herself. Calum rounds the table and kneels next to her, putting his hands on her knees and looking into her eyes. “I stay because you are the love of my life, I stay because you are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever laid my eyes on, I stay because you’re my best friend, I stay because I don’t see this life with anyone else, I stay because I fucking love you. I stay because I never plan on leaving, ever.” Her breathing becomes labored as he squeezed her knees in a unsuccessful effort to calm her down. “Do you still love me?”

           That’s when she broke. The tears busted through her eyes and the son escaped her chest. Through the hysterical crying, she nodded hard enough to ensure Calum would know that she would never stop loving him. Calum reaches up and grabbed her face, wiping away every tear that fell down her face.  He pulled himself off his knees and pressed his lips against hers. Her lips trembles against his, but she kissed him back with just as much passion. As if the same fire lit in their stomachs, the tears stopped and hands started searching each other’s bodies. Clothes were quickly discarded and they finally parted their lips, “Should we move to the bedroom?” She asked through heavy breaths.

           Calum shook his head and started leaning back towards her lips, “No time, need you now.” His lips crashed against hers and he wrapped his arms under her legs and lifted her onto the table, the table that was going to need to be sanitized by the time they were done.

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