#and I'm just so grateful for all the nice ppl around here that I see in my notes and interacting with my posts

[amethystarachnid]

Hi! Its me again I had another found family troupe in mind if your up for it! I wanted to ask before the Christmas prompts started.

So this time I was thinking Deadpool x Teen!Male!Reader where reader is on top of a building, how he got there is up to you, but he's abt to make a bad decision (if ykw I mean) when dead pool finds him and starts to talk, and basically they end up making a deal, if wade can make the reader see how good life is then he won't do it, but if he fails the reader can go back, and basically its is a bunch of fun stupid shit for the rest and the reader becomes apart of the little odd family created in dead pool 3 (including logan) and decides to stick around. So heavy angst that's solved in a nice fluff, and if your not comfortable with the first part you can change the angst to a different scenario you totally can, and the how and why is up to you.

Readers personality is a sarcastic, cold teen, but he's caring and weird around ppl he's close to, he hides his emotions to keep himself safe

If you can do this I would be so so grateful, if not its totally understandable, I love your work sm its hard not to request things, keep up the amazing writing! Have a good day/night!

OPERATION MAKE YOU NOT HATE THE UNIVERSE

⤷ WADE WILSON

ᯓ★ Pairing: Wade Wilson x male!reader

ᯓ★ Genre: platonic!, angst, tiny bit of fluff

ᯓ★ Request from: normal request

ᯓ★ Story type: one shot

ᯓ★ Word count: 4k

ᯓ★ Summary: what the ask said

ᯓ★ TW(s): This story deals with sensitive themes, including mental health struggles and suicide

ᯓ★ I'm happy that you like my works and don't worry, you can make as may requests as you want, I'm so happy when people make requests! <3

ᯓ★ My Masterlist

ᯓ★ MARVEL Holiday Special

ᯓ★ MARVEL Multiverse - choose an AU, pair it with your favorite character and make a request!

ᯓ★ Songs & Superheroes tales - The Game (to make a request, follow the rules on the link!)

ᯓ★ MARVEL Bingo

ᯓ★ English isn’t my first language

The city sprawls below, twinkling and vast, but strangely quiet from this height. You sit on the edge of a skyscraper, your legs dangling into the nothingness, with only the hum of distant cars and neon lights bleeding through the foggy air.

You take a deep breath, the cold biting into your lungs. It makes sense, somehow, for this place to be the last thing you’d see. Who knows how long you’ve been sitting here, trying to drum up the courage or the anger or whatever it’s going to take to finally just let go. But the emptiness is louder than any fear. The world feels like it’s swallowed you whole, and this—you dangling on the edge—feels like the only time you’ve ever been able to look it in the face.

“You know, most people pick roller coasters or a fifth of tequila if they wanna feel a thrill.”

You flinch. Not from surprise—well, okay, a little from surprise—but more from sheer irritation. This is the moment someone decides to intrude? You glance over your shoulder and see him. He’s wearing red and black, looking like a deranged SWAT team dropout, leaning casually against the roof access door, arms crossed like he’s watching a really boring episode of a soap opera.

“And here I thought I had the whole roof to myself,” you say dryly, hiding your unease. “Guess we’re all just having a rooftop party.”

“Lucky for you, kiddo, I’m the life of the party. Deadpool, at your service,” he says with a bow. “But hey, what’s a young guy like you doing up here all alone? Besides reenacting all the worst Lifetime movies?”

You snort, because it’s exactly that bad. “Oh, just figured I’d enjoy the view,” you reply, deadpan. “And maybe gravity. Seems like a good combo.”

“Right, right, makes sense,” he nods, as if he’s in on some cosmic joke only you get. He crouches down, edging a little closer. “Let me guess. Someone pissed you off, the world sucks, you hate your life, blah blah blah, and now you’re about to end it all. Am I close?”

You don’t answer, just roll your eyes and stare back out at the city. But something in the fact that he said it—that he got it so easily—makes you feel strange. Seen.

“Oh, man, nailed it!” Deadpool cheers, like this is some sort of accomplishment. “See, I’m like a therapist, but with 90% more leather and 100% more explosions. And, I make house calls. You’re welcome.”

“Yeah? Where’s the PhD?” You give him a sidelong look, unimpressed. “Bet it’s in the mail.”

He gasps theatrically. “Excuse me, my online course was very thorough, thank you. You’re looking at a fully certified therapist-slash-savior-slash-pizza connoisseur.” He steps even closer, as if he’s trying to get a read on you. “So, what’s it gonna take for you to, I dunno…step back from the edge, champ?”

The question catches you off guard, but you school your expression back into that empty, unreadable mask. “Nothing,” you say. “Don’t need saving.”

“Aw, sure you do. Everybody does,” Deadpool replies, with a smile that’s a little too wide. He’s still in that crouch, head tilted like he’s studying a lab rat. “C’mon, take me up on my deal.”

“I didn’t agree to any deal,” you mutter.

“Well, that’s about to change, Mr. Antisocial.” Deadpool leans in, his voice a dramatic whisper. “I’ll make you a bet. If I can’t show you something worth sticking around for, something that doesn’t totally suck, you win. But if I can—and oh, I will—then you gotta promise not to do anything stupid up here. No ‘jumping’ and no ‘leaping gracefully off into the night’—not on my watch. Deal?”

You look at him, trying to figure out if he’s serious. But then, you’re not sure this guy even knows what serious means. A smirk slips onto your face, mostly from disbelief. “And if you fail, I get to come back here and do what I want.”

Deadpool slaps his hands together, eyes lighting up like he’s just scored a jackpot. “Deal! Signed, sealed, and delivered. What’s your name, by the way? So I know what to call you when I start ‘Operation Make You Not Hate the Universe.’”

“None of your business.”

“Oh, that’s not gonna work,” he replies breezily. “I’ll call you...” He pauses dramatically, finger tapping his chin. “Shadow Kid. Because of your gloomy vibes. Or Edgy McBroodface. Either one works for me.”

You sigh, exasperated. “Fine. It’s Y/n. Happy?”

He claps his hands like a kid on Christmas. “Delighted! Well, Y/n, pack your bags because you’re about to take the Deadpool Tour de Joy. First stop: that little bakery down the street that makes these empanadas that are just to die for—pun very intended.”

As ridiculous as he sounds, something inside you—against all odds—doesn’t completely hate this idea. Maybe he’s right, maybe he’s wrong, but at least he’s distracting you. And it’s better than the silence. So you sigh, push yourself back from the edge, and follow him, if only because he’s made it impossible not to.

“Don’t get too excited,” you warn, hiding a hint of curiosity beneath a mask of sarcasm. “I don’t like pastries.”

“Don’t worry, kid, you will,” he grins, guiding you off the ledge. “Deadpool guarantees it. Or I’ll give you a full refund. You know, after we make sure you don’t end up sidewalk art.”

It’s midnight, and you’re trailing behind a lunatic in red and black spandex as he skips down the street like he’s leading a parade of one. You almost regret stepping away from the edge of that building. Almost. Because, despite everything, Deadpool’s got your attention, even if it’s just so you can see where this trainwreck of a night is headed.

“Now, Y/n,” he says, spinning around to face you while walking backward, “it’s time I introduce you to my squad. My inner circle. The people who either love me or have given up trying to kill me. I figured, what better way to kick off Operation: Don’t Be A Self-Destructive Edgelord than some quality time with family?”

“Your ‘family’?” You raise an eyebrow, skeptical.

“Oh, yes. They’re the most dysfunctional group of weirdos you’ll ever meet, which, in our line of work, is high praise.” He turns back around, leading you down a couple of twisting alleyways until you’re standing in front of a building that looks like it was abandoned about a hundred years ago.

“Home, sweet home!” Wade announces proudly, shoving the door open. “Well, it’s not really mine, but Al’s not much of a decorator anyway.”

You’re about to ask who “Al” is when you spot her: a short, older woman with oversized sunglasses, leaning against a sofa, flipping through a Braille magazine. She doesn’t even look up when she addresses Deadpool.

“You brought home another stray, Wade? You’d think you were trying to start an orphanage for misfits,” she mutters.

“This one’s special, Al. Meet Y/n,” Wade says, guiding you inside. “Y/n, this is the one and only Blind Al. She’s my friend, roommate, therapist, probation officer, and part-time parole board.”

Al snorts. “You think I’d live with Wade if I had any other options?”

You almost smirk. “So you’re telling me he’s like this all the time?”

Al nods, and you catch the tiniest hint of a smile on her face. “Constantly. And unfortunately, you’ll get used to it.”

“Come on, Al, don’t ruin the surprise! I’m a blast to be around,” Wade says, slapping you on the back with a little too much enthusiasm. “Anyway, I promised Y/n the Deadpool Experience™, which includes only the finest influences and biggest badasses on the market.”

“Speaking of badasses…” Wade nudges you, gesturing to the kitchen doorway, where a tall, grizzled man in flannel and jeans leans against the frame, arms crossed. His eyes are hard, the kind that say he’s seen more than his fair share of horror, but he’s giving you a look that’s somewhere between curiosity and caution.

“Logan, meet Y/n,” Wade says, pushing you forward. “Y/n, meet Wolverine, aka Logan Howlett, aka the surliest Canadian this side of the Rockies. Logan, Y/n here’s having a tough time deciding if life’s worth sticking around for, so I figured you could help me convince him otherwise. Since you’re all about that whole ‘living through endless suffering’ thing.”

Logan looks you over, clearly unimpressed with Wade’s choice of words. “You tell this kid what he was getting into by sticking with you?” he grumbles, giving Wade a side-eye.

“Why spoil the fun?” Wade chirps. “Besides, I figured I’d ease him into the nightmare that is my lifestyle by introducing him to you first. It’s all part of my master plan.”

You scoff. “Not exactly a plan so far.”

Logan grunts, shooting Wade a look. “Kid, if you’re here, you better be ready to put up with more crap than you signed up for. And if you don’t, well, don’t expect us to sugarcoat it.”

“Gee, thanks, Logan. Great pep talk,” Wade says, clapping his hands together. “You’re practically the Canadian Dr. Phil.”

“Whatever,” Logan mutters, giving you a short nod of acknowledgment. “Stay out of trouble, kid.”

“Thanks,” you reply dryly. “I’ll make a note of it.”

Wade flashes a grin. “All right, now that we’ve got the somber stuff out of the way, it’s time to meet my real pride and joy. Follow me, Y/n.” He leads you down a narrow hallway, barely glancing back as he goes. “And here, in the third and definitely not cleanest room on the left, is the Mini Wolverine herself, Laura Kinney!”

You peer around the doorframe, and sure enough, there’s a young girl, no older than you, sharpening a knife with an intensity that could probably slice through steel. She looks up, one eyebrow raised as she sizes you up.

“So…another of Wade’s recruits?” she asks, her tone half-sarcastic but half-genuine, like she’s as surprised as anyone to find herself among this crowd.

“Not exactly,” you reply. “Apparently, I’m part of some…life-affirming experiment?”

Laura smirks. “Good luck. Most people just end up scarred. Or worse.”

“Thanks for the vote of confidence, mini-me,” Wade says, swooping in to ruffle her hair, which she swats at with the speed of a ninja. “Y/n, Laura here is what we call a ‘clone’—same rage issues, same claws, same immunity to hugs as Mr. Broodmaster in the kitchen. Laura, Y/n here is testing out the Wade Wilson School of Life Choices.”

She snorts, shaking her head. “Well, better you than me. Good luck.”

“Look at that, Y/n! She’s already rooting for you,” Wade says, pulling you back out of the room before you can reply.

“Sure,” you mutter. “I feel like I’m one big science project.”

“Nah, science projects are boring,” Wade says cheerfully. “And last, but certainly not least, the crown jewel of this ridiculous ensemble is… Peter!”

You frown, confused, as Wade leads you to the living room, where a man with glasses and a receding hairline is lounging on the couch, a sandwich in one hand and a soda in the other. He looks up and waves at you with a sheepish smile.

“Hey there. I’m Peter,” he says. “No code name, no special abilities, just…Peter.”

You raise an eyebrow at Wade. “How does he fit in?”

“Oh, he doesn’t,” Wade says matter-of-factly. “He’s just a genuinely good guy. The one, non-superpowered person who got tangled up in my dumpster fire of a life and didn’t immediately bail. I figured he’d be a nice balance to all the violent murderers in the room. Plus, he makes a mean ham and cheese sandwich.”

Peter shrugs, giving you a friendly smile. “Sometimes, it’s good to have at least one guy who knows what life’s like for the average person. And I figure, if Wade can make it, maybe there’s hope for all of us, right?”

You nod slowly, unsure what to make of all this but also, maybe for the first time in a long time, feeling something close to warmth. These people are rough around the edges, sure, but there’s an understanding in the way they look at you—like they know what it’s like to have the world chew you up and spit you out.

“Well, Y/n,” Wade says, clapping his hands together, “you’ve met the gang. Now, how about that empanada?”

You can’t help but roll your eyes, but there’s a small smile tugging at your lips. “Fine,” you mutter. “One empanada. But if it sucks, this deal’s off.”

Wade grins. “Deal! And hey, if you’re lucky, maybe you’ll even get a side of wisdom and life lessons from our merry band of misfits. Consider this step one on the path to…not hating everything.”

He leads the way, Peter and Al in tow, while Logan and Laura hang back a bit. And as you walk down the dimly lit street, surrounded by this unlikely crew, you realize maybe—just maybe—Wade might actually have a point.

The morning sun drips through the dirty windows of Blind Al’s apartment, casting a pale yellow glow over the chaotic mess of takeout boxes, weapon cases, and torn-up furniture. You’re sprawled on an old, threadbare armchair, an empanada wrapper stuck to your shirt from last night’s “Deadpool Tour de Joy.” You’d made it through an entire night with Wade and his crew of insane, sarcastic maniacs—and, against all odds, it wasn’t completely awful. In fact, you’d felt something almost like…belonging.

But now it’s the next day, and you’ve already told yourself a hundred times that you should probably just slip out, go back to what you were doing, forget all of this ever happened. You’re starting to push yourself up when Wade barges into the room, wearing his costume but missing the mask, eyes bleary, and looking like he hasn’t slept in days.

“Ah! Sleeping beauty rises!” Wade yells, startling you. “Figured you’d skipped out by now, but no! Y/n, my little suicidal protégé, how’s life on the wild side?”

You roll your eyes. “It’s early. Can you not yell?”

“Oh, no-no-no, kid, this is normal volume,” Wade replies with a grin. “Wait ‘til Logan shows up and starts shouting at me. Speaking of which…”

Right on cue, Logan comes around the corner, his expression twisted in irritation. “Wade, it’s nine in the damn morning, why are you already so loud?”

“Why are you such a ray of sunshine?” Wade replies cheerfully, barely dodging Logan’s hand as he tries to grab him.

“Because you’re annoying,” Logan growls, rolling his eyes and making for the coffee pot. But Wade is already blocking him, a mug in one hand, smirking.

“What if I told you there was no coffee left? Would you kill me?”

Logan raises an eyebrow, as if daring him to repeat it. Without a word, he pops out his claws, a metallic snikt slicing through the silence.

“Oh, I’m shaking!” Wade sneers, clearly egging him on.

“Deadpool, just get out of my way.” Logan tries to push past, but Wade laughs, making some obnoxious buzzing noise that apparently does the trick, because Logan grits his teeth and stabs him, right through the side.

You jump, stunned, watching as Logan’s claws slip back out, leaving Wade clutching his side. Blood pours out of the wound, and you’re about to call out when you realize that Wade’s grinning.

“Oh, there it is,” Wade says, inspecting the hole in his side, barely even phased. “You got me good, Wolvie. Was hoping you’d go for the chest, but I’ll take what I can get.”

“What the hell?” You can’t help but gape at him. “You’re bleeding, and you’re laughing?”

Wade winks, dropping his hand and letting you see that the wound is…healing. Muscles and tissue knit themselves back together, as if he hadn’t been stabbed at all. “Oh, yeah! Y/n, I forgot to mention one of my best features: I’m unkillable! Like an annoying houseplant that refuses to die. Cool, right?”

You blink, still trying to process. “So…no matter what happens to you, you just…keep coming back?”

“Yup! Think of it like this,” Wade says, throwing an arm around your shoulders, ignoring the sticky blood on his suit. “I am the miracle of human resilience, cranked up to eleven. Plus, I give Logan a stress outlet every morning. Win-win, really.”

“Wouldn’t call it a win,” Logan mutters, pouring his coffee. “If anything, you’re my worst nightmare.”

Wade smirks, turning to you. “Logan here’s my best friend. Don’t let him fool you.”

Logan takes a long, deliberate sip of his coffee, glaring over the rim. “One more word, Wade, and I’ll make it two stabs.”

“Oh, two stabs?” Wade clutches his chest dramatically. “Why, Mr. Howlett, you really know how to flatter a guy.”

“Honestly,” you mutter, looking at them, “this is the weirdest friendship I’ve ever seen.”

Logan glances over at you, grumbling, “It’s not a friendship. It’s a…complicated arrangement.”

Wade beams, throwing an arm around Logan’s shoulder, which Logan promptly shrugs off. “Call it whatever you want, sweetie.”

As they bicker, Laura enters the room, unfazed by the chaos. She gives you a nod of acknowledgment before grabbing a seat at the table, watching the two men as if this is just another morning.

“Y/n, how’s Wade treating you?” she asks, a smirk forming on her face.

You can’t help the sarcasm in your voice. “Oh, it’s just been fantastic. Nothing like witnessing multiple acts of violence before breakfast.”

She grins. “Get used to it. That’s pretty much every day around here.”

“Hey, I call it ‘combat therapy,’” Wade retorts, tossing her a wink. “You know, bonding time for the soul. Plus, Logan secretly loves it.”

You’re still processing all of this when Peter comes in, looking almost suspiciously normal, like a PTA dad in a nightmare of superheroes and chaos. He gives you a friendly wave, balancing a bag of bagels and a coffee tray.

“Morning, everyone!” Peter says, the only cheerful voice in the room. “Brought bagels for you all. Thought maybe today we could take it easy and just…you know, be normal for a while?”

Wade gasps. “Normal? Peter, buddy, you’re really asking a lot of me.”

“Don’t mind him, Peter,” you mutter, taking a bagel. “I think I’m the only sane one here.”

Peter gives you a sympathetic look. “I figured as much. Good luck with this crew, Y/n. If you ever need a sane friend, I’m your guy.”

Laura scoffs. “He doesn’t want ‘sane’ friends. If he did, he’d have run by now.”

You can’t argue with that. In fact, the thought does cross your mind—why didn’t you leave? But before you can dwell on it too long, Wade claps his hands.

“Today’s adventure awaits!” he announces, eyes alight with his usual chaotic energy. “We’ll start with breakfast and then…well, I’m not sure yet, but it’ll be something awesome.”

The group groans as Wade grabs his mask and heads for the door, beckoning for you to follow. Logan sighs, Laura grabs her knives, and Peter just looks resigned. But they all follow, like it’s a ritual they’re somehow tied to, and after a moment, you find yourself tagging along too.

The day is filled with antics. You lose track of the times Wade gets hurt, only to heal right in front of your eyes. Logan mutters that he’d be better off without Wade, only to punch him in the shoulder five minutes later with a hidden grin. Laura challenges Wade to a knife fight, and Peter just sighs, trying to keep everyone in line. And for the first time in…who knows how long, you’re laughing. Really laughing.

It’s almost night by the time you head back, the sky darkening as the city lights flicker on. You’re about to part ways and make your way home, but somehow, your feet keep taking you back to Al’s apartment. You know you don’t belong here, not really, but when you reach the door, there’s that same warmth—a strange pull you can’t ignore.

Wade notices you hesitate by the door and grins. “Aw, he’s back! See, I told you I’d be your favorite person in no time.”

“Don’t get too cocky,” you mutter, but you don’t turn to leave. Logan, Laura, Peter, and Al all glance at you, each with a look of welcome that they probably wouldn’t admit to feeling. It’s an odd sight, this bunch of misfits, but in some way, you realize that maybe they’re not as much of a mess as they seem. Maybe, just maybe, you’ve found something here that doesn’t completely suck.

“All right, all right, enough with the mushy stuff!” Wade says, breaking the silence. “Y/n, welcome back to Dysfunctional Central. We’re going to make you regret every second.”

You roll your eyes but smirk, stepping back inside and letting the door click shut behind you. Because this time, you don’t mind sticking around.

As night settles in over Blind Al’s apartment, the usual chaos of the group fades. Laura’s busy sharpening a blade on the couch, Logan’s nursing a beer in the corner, Peter is cleaning up the disaster of takeout containers from earlier, and Al is sitting near the window, her face turned toward the cool night breeze drifting in. Wade, in his typical way, is chattering aimlessly about everything and nothing at all, flipping between mocking TV commercials and talking up his latest “brilliant” idea for a reality show. And, as usual, you’re mostly tuning him out, feeling a mix of exhaustion and…something else. Something that’s starting to feel suspiciously like relief.

Wade breaks off suddenly, his head cocked as he glances over at you with a curious look. “So, Y/n,” he begins, his voice dropping a few notches in volume—a rarity. “How’s our little…adventure going? You feelin’ the spark of life yet? The whole, ‘maybe being alive doesn’t completely suck’ kinda thing?”

You shrug, fidgeting with the edge of your jacket. “I mean, it’s…been okay. You guys are insane, obviously, but it’s not the worst.”

Wade grins. “Insane and proud, baby. It’s kind of our brand. But don’t think I haven’t noticed your little act.” He leans in, dropping his voice even lower. “You’re good at the sarcasm, the deadpan thing. But I can see the cracks, kid. What’s under there?”

You freeze, not sure how to answer. Part of you wants to laugh it off, throw a sarcastic line his way, but something about the way Wade’s looking at you, uncharacteristically sincere, throws you off guard.

“Why’re you asking?” you mutter, looking away.

He shrugs, casual but not unkind. “Because, believe it or not, I give a damn. And because if I’m gonna help you out of whatever pit you’ve fallen into, I need to know where to start. So…give me the lowdown. What’s so bad it made you wanna bail on this whole rodeo?”

You swallow, throat tight. The last thing you want is to spill everything, to lay out every messy thought and feeling. But the words are there, just behind your teeth, begging to be let out after you’ve kept them buried for so long.

“It’s…” You hesitate, searching for the right words. “It’s not one thing, okay? It’s like…everything.”

Wade’s eyes don’t leave yours, an unspoken encouragement in his gaze.

You take a breath, still unsure, but the dam is cracking, and suddenly the words are pouring out before you can stop them. “I don’t know, Wade. I just—I feel like I don’t fit. Anywhere. I’ve tried, I really have, but no matter what I do, it’s like I’m some kind of outsider. The kid who’s always…wrong. Like I don’t belong in my own life. And the more I tried to fit in, the harder it got.”

Wade nods, not interrupting, just letting you talk.

“School was a nightmare,” you continue, voice barely above a whisper. “People either ignored me or treated me like I was invisible. Even my own family doesn’t seem to get me. I just…there’s no place for me. No one who actually cares, and it’s been that way for so long that I can’t remember a time it wasn’t. And I know you’re supposed to push through or whatever, but I just got so tired, Wade. Tired of always feeling like I’m on the outside looking in. Tired of being…me.”

You shake your head, trying to keep the tremor out of your voice. “Everywhere I look, it’s like people have these lives, friends, family, things that give them a reason to wake up. But me? I don’t have anything, not really. So I started wondering…if I just disappeared, would anyone even notice? Would anyone care?”

Wade is quiet, watching you with an expression you can’t quite place. It’s not pity—thankfully, you don’t think you could stand that—but something softer, gentler.

“That’s why I went up there last night,” you admit, surprised by the honesty in your own voice. “Because I couldn’t stand the emptiness anymore. I thought maybe if I just…ended it, at least it would stop hurting, you know?”

There’s silence in the room now, even the usual background noise faded to nothing. You can feel the weight of your own words, a relief but also a vulnerability that makes you want to crawl out of your own skin.

After a moment, Wade shifts, sitting down next to you. “Hey, kid,” he says, his voice uncharacteristically soft. “I know that feeling. I know it all too well.”

You glance at him, surprised. “You? You seem like you’ve got everything figured out.”

He chuckles, shaking his head. “Oh, kid. I may be the king of talking big, but I’ve been where you are. Hell, I’ve been to worse places. You think I’m here just ‘cause life handed me everything I wanted? Nope. I got scars, inside and out, that’d make your head spin. And you know what? That ‘don’t belong’ feeling? I had that too.”

Wade pauses, running a hand over his mask, which he’s bunched up in his hands. “I used to think…if I could just disappear, maybe that would be the best thing for everyone. And that was before I became…this.” He gestures to his scarred skin, his voice low but steady. “When you look like this, people either turn away or look at you like you’re some kind of monster. It was…lonely. Really, really lonely.”

You swallow, something in his words hitting close to home. “So what changed?”

Wade smiles, a bit of his usual spark returning. “Well, I guess I just got stubborn. Figured if the world didn’t want me, then I’d make my own place. Found people—well, like the circus act you met last night. Turns out, sometimes family’s not about blood. It’s about…finding people who see the worst parts of you and stick around anyway.”

“Not everyone has that,” you murmur, glancing at the floor.

“True,” Wade admits, his gaze softening. “But kid, here’s the thing: you’re still here. And now, you’ve got us—like it or not.” He gives you a wry smile. “You don’t have to carry that weight alone anymore. I get it, I really do, but there’s no shame in letting someone else help pick up the pieces. Maybe you just haven’t found your people yet…but you’ve got me, and the squad. We’re not perfect, but we don’t go down without a fight.”

You look at him, a strange warmth spreading through your chest despite the heaviness of the moment. For the first time, you feel like maybe someone actually understands. Maybe, just maybe, you’re not completely alone.

“Thanks,” you say, the word barely loud enough to hear. “For…listening.”

Wade grins, reaching out and patting your shoulder, a bit rough but oddly comforting. “Anytime, kid. I’m annoying, sure, but you won’t find anyone more loyal.” He gives you a wink. “Besides, I told you—I’m not letting you off the hook that easy.”

You chuckle, feeling a little lighter despite everything. “You really don’t give up, do you?”

“Nope. It’s a gift and a curse.” Wade stands, offering a hand to help you up. “Now, you and me? We’re gonna keep going until you see just how much life’s got to offer. I mean, look at me—scarred, hated, stabbed on a daily basis—and somehow, I’m still here.”

You roll your eyes, but there’s a smile tugging at your lips. “You’re a walking disaster.”

“Guilty as charged,” Wade says with a laugh. “But hey, you stick around with us long enough, maybe we’ll rub off on you. Logan can teach you how to growl menacingly, and Laura can teach you how to stab with precision. Peter’s got the dad jokes covered. It’s a real all-inclusive experience.”

For the first time in what feels like forever, you feel a spark of hope. It’s small, fragile, but it’s there. Maybe life’s not all bright and shiny, and maybe you’ve got a long way to go, but with Wade and this dysfunctional crew, maybe there’s a chance you can start over. At the very least, you’re not alone.

“Alright,” you say, meeting Wade’s gaze with newfound determination. “I’ll give this a shot.”

Wade’s grin stretches wide, genuine. “That’s the spirit, Y/n! I knew you had it in you.” He throws an arm around your shoulder, squeezing a little too tight. “And hey, if it ever gets too tough, just remember—you’ve got us.”

You nod, letting yourself lean into the odd but reassuring presence of Wade by your side. For the first time in a long time, you feel like maybe there’s a path forward, one you don’t have to walk alone.

And with this crazy group, maybe that path won’t be as empty as the one you were on before.

if you liked the story don't forget to like, reblog and leave a comment if you want!

[pbpsbff]

happy 1 year of r&r :)

i know it's a lil cringe to like. celebrate the birthday of a series on ao3 but r&r is literally my child. my baby. i birthed this series. and you all signed up for this when u started reading my fics thank u

soooooooo thank u guys for all the support i've received over r&r i know it's hard to stay a consistent reader when my posting schedule is entirely non existent but i am so grateful for everyone who's stuck around this long and been with me for this journey (calling it a journey because a year ago i did not have any sort of overarching plot in mind and now we're 17? 18? fics deep and so many things have happened and i'm usually just as surprised as my readers) it's rlly u guys that have kept me going this long

ANYWAY. i rewrote this like 500 times cause i hate being like. overly sappy on this account because it's way funnier to act like a celebrity with a huge ego, but real talk i am so proud of everything i've done w this series & what it's become in the past year

i've been posting my writing online since i was like 10, so we're going on almost 9 years now and i don't think i've ever ever ever received as much support for something as i have for r&r and something about that is soooo special to me??? idk it's just so nice to see a completely self indulgent series become so loved by others, especially since the only other fics i had up before gmm&m were a little more on the "i'm gonna write what seems popular right now" side???

like shoutout to everyone who was here before/around when i started the series because my account was so empty like. 2 fics and one gets updated every 6 months. r&r pulled me out of the trench i fear. it also cured me of my very horrible disease that makes me delete all my fics after 9 months and then completely disappear from a fandom so everyone say thank you r&r

but yeah idk where i'm going with this i'm very grateful for r&r and all the friends i've made and people i've met through it because i was very lonely before i rejoined tumblr and r&r was like. 90% of the reason i made my account

AND SPEAKING OF FRIENDS. thank u to

@spidergrotto & @sapoteylx for being the first ppl i met on here to openly talk about and support r&r which i thought was so so cool even if you guys have become my haters in the past few months i've known you :/ thank u r&r nation u keep me humble and miserable (and i am very thankful for our friendship i think some aspects of r&r would be very different if we'd never met)

& ao3 user classactical because you've been here since like. a month or two into the series i think and i always always always look forward to your comments because i feel like if you comment, i did a good job on the fic LOL thank u for sticking around for so long, even if ao3 has been actively working against you for a whiiiiile

there's a lot more i want to say and a lot of people i want to mention but that would take a very long time and i always feel weird tagging a lot of people in posts so just know if u read r&r we are kissing rn. or high fiving idk whatever floats ur boat i guess

but yeah anyway tl:dr happy birthday r&r i'm very proud of this series & very thankful for everyone who has read any part of it ever u guys are so cool and hot and have amazing taste and i'm taking your kudos and bookmarks etc. as you swearing your allegiance to me and promising me your undying support no matter what (legally binding btw) thank u guys

[balrogballs]

Have you been working all the time when writing? I was thinking a book advance is like a salary you get paid, but is it not really that much to make a living? Does it vary between genre or is it a standard price? Btw, your job sounds so awesome too

I'm apologizing again for all the questions, and love u for answering them all, I'm an aspiring novelist and nobody I know in real life knows I want to write for a living. I'm very grateful for your lists last week as well.

No problem, happy to help!

Keeping the answer under the cut though, since IDK if ppl who followed balrogballs for elrond reasons want to hear balrogballs go on about the publishing industry LMAO

Working/Writing:

I have indeed worked throughout my writing career, though for most of the first book writing time I was finishing my PhD. Most authors work on the side, unless you reach absolutely top level and can coast off royalties and speaker fees etc.

Eg. I was at an event where Rushdie gave the keynote, and overheard his rate for the evening was around 55K USD. The vast majority of writers will never pull those figures — the highest I've ever been paid to do a talk was £1.5k, and that was a one off and probably won't happen again.

Put it this way, I know a Booker winner and a Nobel winner personally, both wins in the last 5 years, and both worked part time as university professors till the win. Living off writing is very difficult in the traditional publishing sense unless you hit a certain level of success.

And thank you for your nice words about my job — I do enjoy it and it's very fulfilling, and means I have a ton of free time when I'm not posted overseas so I have ample time to write (and can fuck about on here lol).

Advance

Take anything I say here with a pinch of salt, as this varies tremendously due to a ton of different factors including genre, publisher, location, market etc.

The advance isn't paid like a salary, it's paid in chunks. For me, I had it in 4 lots across around 2 years. So that method of payment means it's not feasible to use as salary.

Keep in mind, you're not paid while you write your second book — only once it sells will you get the second advance, so again, the 'gaps' need to be covered. I took around a year to write the second one and sent the draft manuscript in June to my agent for edits, and it'll only go to the publishers early next year. So thats a lot of time w/o steady income.

How much it is can vary immensely — mine was around double my general salary. I got very lucky in that the book went to auction and my agent is an outstanding negotiator, so the bidding contributed to the final sum. But yes, it varies based on a ton of different factors.

You don't get the full amount btw, it's taxable income + the agency will take a cut. High advances are also a double edged sword, however - you need to "earn them out" before you get any royalties. For instance, I had a great signing advance, but this means there's no chance I ever see any royalties.

So again, that means no income at all when writing the second thing.

It's not an issue in litfic since literally nobody earns out unless you get one of the biggest prizes, though am not sure about other genres. But yes, big advance = much longer wait for royalties, and royalties themselves aren't normally very much either, so keep that in mind when thinking of salaries etc.

Social Profile

I'll answer your other question re: whether social media and public profile is beneficial for a writer here just to not clog ppls feeds. Prior to querying, only if you're writing a non fiction book will your social following actually matter, as you are very much part of the "package deal".

In fiction, it matters much less. Cassandra Claire trajectories are very rare, and whilst Booktoker book deals have happened, again they have VERY large followings to the point that they are part of the product itself.

Whether it's important after publishing, I'm not sure. My agent says no, but equally, others say yes.

Some authors are very active on SM, but equally many others I know are like me in that they have an anon profile somewhere but nothing identifiable. Eg. w. me, I don't have any socials other than this and won't be getting any — a publicist handles the official accounts so I can be unhinged here in peace and not worry about accidentally tweeting about balrog testicle LMAOOO 🙏

Hope this has helped ✨

[smoshidiot]

sorry in advance if this is rambly or doesn't make sense. it's 3am and i just have a stupid amount of love for smosh in my heart rn and i wanted to make a lil appreciation post 💕

first off i wanna say: happy birthday smosh! i can't believe this silly youtube channel is already 18 years old. it's hard to exactly describe how much smosh means to me. i discovered the channel nearly 10 years ago (my anniversary is on the 25th!) and even at the times in my life when i wasn't actively watching smosh, they always had such a special place in my heart. ian and anthony have always been able to make me laugh in a way that other channels have never really been able to, and it has been such an absolute delight to see them working together again.

ever since june 20th my life has really been centered around smosh and it's been amazing. if you told me a year ago that this is what my life would look like i never would've believed you. i am so unbelievably grateful for all of the joy, laughter, and opportunities smosh has brought me since anthony's return. i wanna say how happy i am that smoshblr exists and was so welcoming as soon as i made my blog. i honestly don't know if i would've stuck with smosh so strongly if i didn't have this great community to chat with and rediscover my love of this channel with.

and then of course, smoshblr and my friends here led me to joining the smoshcord which has been my absolute home these past few months. i have made so many incredible friends on that server and i wouldn't trade it for the world. all of the neighbors mean sm to me and i absolutely cannot wait to meet a bunch of them at vidcon 2024. also! i am still so honored that erica from the team over at smosh chose me (as well as a few other amazing ppl!) as a community mod for smoshcord. it feels so amazing to be able to give back to the smosh community, for how much it has given me over the years. and just to be recognized by smosh as a respected member of the community means the absolute world to me.

along those lines, while i'm being sappy i think i'm allowed to be a lil selfish and say ?? holy shit if you told 12 year old me that i would go on to have regular conversations with anthony padilla i would tell you you're absolutely insane. it has been such an absolute wild ride but it's so fucking cool that ian and anthony (ok mostly anthony but i think ian too bc of streams n stuff!) know who i am. i have an insane amount of love in my heart for these boys and it's so nice to interact with them on a slightly more personal level. it still feels like an absolute dream to even see them sit next to each other, let alone sit next to each other while saying my name.

but anyways i just want to say thank you smosh. thank you for all of the love and laughter and hope you have given me. you've shown me that friendship DOES truly always win. i am so fucking proud of these boys for mending their relationship and coming through such a hard time to create something genuinely beautiful.

anyways i wanna shoutout @smoshmonker @squig-s @yourinterestisnotcringe @lilac-hecox @kubabamia @only-frann for being just so lovely and fun to talk smosh with ♡ i am so grateful i met you all and that smosh brought us together like this! (sorry if there's any other neighborhood friends that i simply forgot the tumblr urls for ilyy)

[sickofthistoxicshit]

Thank you I love your blog and your answers. I completely agree with you, I think one of the things that made this episode not liked by many is all the time they gave to the Buckleys, ok the dream but in the real world we should have seen the people we care about, the scenes with may/Athena and may/Bobby were great because we care about them, and seeing the lacking of eddie, we should have seen a scene with him and hen talking about how they felt, instead we got the new couch

Thank you, so kind 💜💜

In the dream, it made sense that they'd be there because this was a world of what if Daniel had lived.

But in the real world, they should have shown us the effect it had on the people we see in the firehouse or the regular characters that are normally connected to Buck.

Tbh, I feel like maybe we didn't get the bedside vigil or confession, but I think it just pained Eddie to physically be there, see Buck like that. - I'm going to make a full 6x11 Eddie meta once I land in Madrid. But the little that we did see of Eddie was enough for now.

Would it have been nice to see more, absolutely, but what we did get was so loud that a credit really is owed to Ryan's brilliant acting. And it says a lot about Eddie's bond with Buck.

We're all upset at the unnecessary over-attention to the Buckleys in the real world, but what we did get from the regular cast was just as good.

There's this thing my sister laughs and loves that I do, I watch things deluweil style, meaning once I've seen the episode once, I pretty much fast forward the parts that don't interests me, and helps me focus on what's there.

At this point, my mind is like, and were the Buckleys really ever there? 😂

Obviously, yes, but also no, because according to Oliver, they're gone by the next episode, and whatever aftermath left to deal with will be done by the true ppl who love and understand Buck.

Eddie probably more than anyone.

That stupid couch, the man is out of the hospital, and she's focusing on redecorating the place instead of marching him up to bed.

Kind of reminded me when my mom comes to visit. Nothing is ever at the same place by the time she goes home. And somehow she's always cleaning - and I swear I keep my place clean lmao. Also, one of the reasons I prefer to be alone when I'm sick is that I don't have to pretend I'm fine for anyone's benefit.

But we digress, I would love a firehouse chat between Eddie and Hen, like the one they had after Karen nearly died, and Denny started asking about his dad.

I want them talking about Christopher and how he's dealing with Buck almost dying and how's Eddie holding up.

Because after the bomb and the embolism, a different Eddie told Buck in different words, that Buck nearly died, he's got the rest of his life ahead of him, and that his life didn't end because he can't be a firefighter. - what he meant was we're grateful you're not dead, you are loved whether you're a firefighter or not and preceeded to give him Christopher to watch over. (3x02 if I'm not mistaken)

Therapized Eddie, I'm betting, will be more forthcoming this time around. And I am here waiting for it. 👀🙏✨️💜🤗

[hyuuukais]

i literally only logged on to tell you my ✨happy thing✨ but i got ✨distracted✨ 😭

n e ways

my ✨happy thing✨ is that i got my xdh photocards last night {which i will show u later} i got jungsu, jooyeon, and ofc junhan, my beloveds 🫶🏼 nd i love them sm !!

overall this week was really good !! (w the interviews n everything too) i’m feeling better than i had been for a bit and i got to talk to my friends (🫵) the weather was nice and this weekend i’m going to see my family and probably go to books a million or go swimming or something so yeah 😋

i’m excited to hear your ✨happy thing✨

GASP !! i can't wait to see!! and i'm so so happy ur week has been good and ur feeling better :33 hoping things keep looking up for u!! and that sounds like a fun weekend- you'll have to tell me all about it 😋

hmmm for my ✨️happy thing✨️...... why can i not remember a single thing that's happened this week LOLLL. i've been sitting here for like 5 minutes thinking- this is not a good sign. honestly, this week has just overall not been great, but i'm v grateful for the ppl around me to talk to and rant to when i need to. so i think my ✨️happy thing✨️ is my lovely friends keeping me going through a bad week :33 (including you 🫵)

[teddybeartoji]

ARIII WHEN IS OUR WEDDINGGG I AM TOO IMPATIENT I NEED YOU NOW RIGHT NOW

i know i say this every time but you need to understand that every time i say it it just intensifies okay. like i wAS PSYCHICALLY ROLLING IN MY BED GIGGLING AND BLUSHING i read this first thing in the morning (so like at 5am lmao) and it was just THE sweetest thing to wake up to i just ahhhhh i have so much love for you i don't know what to do with myself

also the fact that u liked this a lot is sooooooooooooooooooooo i don't know heart-warming bc i was very not sure about this one lmao i was certain that prince!gojo lovers would prefer the first part and this was just meh buT LO AND BEHOLD MY OWN PERSONAL KNIGHT HAS ARRIVED. YOU'RE PROTECTING ME FROM MY OWN THOUGHTS I AM FOREVEL GRATEFUL MY BELOVED ARI

okay so i'm just gonna answer you and then elaborate on some more things bc i'm the yappiest of the yapper sue me

it's very very very important to show that even though prince!gojo can be a little cocky shit, who finds the majority of the king-to-be lessons rather boring - he absolutely adores his town and yes, the classes and the books are lame but he's determined to become a good king. and i've been mentioning or hinting idk that his dad - the king - isn't the best guy around. and prince!gojo's dream is to be better than him.

and he's such a softie he really is a puppy!!! he loves his friends so much he's gonna explode with the love.

that character who seems scary and violent and uncaring but they have such a gentle heart. yeah no this is a weakness of mine too lmao it's such a good trope it always breaks my heart and then glues it back together (we'll just ignore the remaining still visible cracks)

AND EEEEEEEEEEE I'M SO HAPPY and proud ngl THAT YOU LOVE THE READER HEHEHEHEHHE (this made me realize that this is borderline an oc isn't it lmao doesn't matter we'll continue calling them the reader)

knight!reader will absolutely appreciate it!!!!! in the spring chap they're gonna talk about the kids a little more hehehe

OKAYOKAY so in my head the reader doesn't resent the doctor at all. ok like for five minutes sometimes but overall they (think) they understand why the doctor didn't take them in. they 'understand' that they didn't deserve it. this knight needs a reality check fr YOU ARE LOVEDDDDDD BE SERIOUS NOWWW i love them so much though this little knight very much living inside me they feel like home

++++ i love the idea of the doctor apologizing!!!!!! i'll try to fit that somewhere...... i fear i might have to add some smaller parts lmao WE'LL SEE WE'LL SEE

hehehehhe gone like the summery wind. now this is totally up to everyone but for me the knight is more spring than any other season. i feel like a lot of people who don't like spring (btw i only know irl ppl who don't like spring i feel like tumblr is a spring loving place i feel safe here)(btw spring is my own favourite season too) say that they don't like it for the muddy weather, the rain, the clouds, the still chilly breeze but they're overlooking the birds chirping? the warm sun peeking out? the grass showing itself from under the melting snow and the mud? the flowers? oh my god the spring flowers????? it's the softness under the brash weather and people are just too quick to judge aren't they? if they'd just spent like a day outside in spring - taking in the "bad" things about it too, they'd love it. the rain is so refreshing, the breeze is so so crisp but it doesn't bite it merely nibbles and the mud? just think about the grass that's gonna grow from there. it's not that bad. it's quite remarkable really.

+ i just realized i started rambling about spring but i totally forgot to like actually reply to you... well but you know how the summer wind always changes to quickly into a way colder autumn wind? like one day it was nice and warm and then bam it's not the same. you got to enjoy the last breeze without knowing it was the last one. slipped right through your fingers hm.

more lore. most of the townsfolk actually didn't have anything against the little knight. they just knew that since the young knight kept getting into trouble with the castle knights - they would be probably punished too if they decided to try and hide the kid. so yeah many older ppl in the town actually recognize the knight and they're very proud. they just don't know how to say or show it - feeling ashamed that they were such cowards for leaving the poor kid on the streets.

everything feels so vivid and warm i wanna dive into this fic & sleep in it (future ari here i just wanna say that i do not in fact want to dive into this fic anymore i’ll stay in summer ☹️☹️) jasahsajsashajhsajsa poor little ari:(((

i also realized that this fic is literally just about the knight and not the prince asahsjahsahsaghsga. poor gojo is getting overshadowed by the cool knight. (not that he would mind that)(he would actually fucking love it)

oh he’s so down bad its embarrassing HE JUST WANTS TO SEE THEM SMILE LITERALLYYYYY HE'S SOOO IN LOVE HEHEHHEHE

this is the part of the movie where i click pause to squeal into my hands <333 MY EGO HAS GROWN TRIPLE IN SIZE ARIII HEHEHHEHEHE YOU'RE SOOOO CUTEEE KISSING U ALL OVER THE FACE RN

prince!gojo is what someone like knight!reader NEEDS and that’s exactly why i think they’ll end up pushing him away. :DDDDDDDDD and you're 100% as always shit is gonna get wild. the knight is sooooooo accustomed to violence they don't even bat an eye to it but then this little princess of a prince comes along and they're just about ready to have a panic attack.....

THE PRINCE BUYING THE EYE COLOR MATCHING OUTFIT HE'S SUCH A DORK I KNOWWWWW and u best believe he really did that

THE KNIGHT AND THE SUN YIPEEE the prince definitely thinks of them as the sun you know. like when others might see the rain and the mud when they look at them gojo only sees the warm golden light. just like an angel you know. and beams always always light up the scars and gojo doesn't shy away from them he adores them.

I WILL MAKE THEM CALL HIM A GOOD BOY THIS HAS TO HAPPEN I THINK I ALREADY KNOW WHERE IT SHOULD HAPPEN TOO HEHEHEH UR A GENIUS ARI

he’s so…. nothing gets me like a good ol declaration of protection genuinely . (future ari back again in retrospect this line hurts more than the ending of this fic like can u even IMAGINE the guilt he must feel. fuckkkk) :DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD it hurts i was writing it and it hurt me i was in severe pain i'm glad we're in the same boat lmao

RIBCAGE MENTIOOOOOONNNNN love as hunger love as i want to live inside you love as i need you close closer than close

knight!reader i hate to break it to u but u are experiencing what human beings refer to as positive emotions ahshasgahsgahshgag this made me giggle they're a loser fr

I CAN'T BELIEVE U ALSO THOUGHT ABOUT DE HERE AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA ARI MICKEY NATION GOING STRONG STRONGER THAN EVER BABY IT'S DISCO TIME even i didn't even think about that while writing it............ it just seemed very natural lmao yeah idk harry is very much rubbing off on me (🤨🤨)

just the idea of someone who isn’t afraid of beasts or blood or pain, but so so scared of intimacy…. YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHH this is the loserville after all

GOJO IS SOOOOO A GIRL!DAD IT'S VERY SERIOUS TO MEEEE he loves them so much

MCIKEYDH MIEUCJE MICVEYE MICKEY MY VISION IS GOING BLURRY IM ABT TO PASS OUT????? LIKE ACTUALLY LEGITIMATELY WOWWWW OK . ok . i will be normal about this . BE GOOD???????? DO U WNAT ME TO DIE??????????????,,, ASGAHGADGASDJASHDAGSHDHA ARIIII I LOVE YOU YOU'RE THE SWEETEST SWEETHEART ALIVE DID U KNOW THAT

ARI I KNEW YOU'D LOVE THE LITTLE COO THAT WAS SPECIFICALLY JUST FOR YOU

also it is very canon that the knight is good with the kids they're just so afraid to scare them:((((((((((((((((((

OMG AND YES MINI-SHOKO I REALLYYY REALLY WANT TO MAKE A PART ABOUT THE KNIGHT AND SHOKO I NEEED TOOOO LIKE I PERSONALLY NEED THEM TO RECONNECT YOU KNOW ACTUALLY I KNOW U KNOW AND I KNOW YOU THINK THE SAME

i love how u characterize them both like i literally can't say this enough: i adore them both and they feel so . multifaceted and real…. MMMMMMMMMMMMMMM DID U KNOW I BLUSH SUPER HARD LIKE I'M RED ALL OVER RN THIS IS EMBARRASSING WHEWWWW (ari when the fuck. are we getting married?????)

TEASER X TEASER HEHHEHHEHEHE I'M GLAD YOU AGREE

knight!reader/prince!gojo vs gender and they just keep winning every single time btw this comment is very very very important to me i need you to know that this is a gender bender household everybody can be everybody okay

reading ur writing really does feel like eating a really sweet refreshing treat it makes me sooo happy im nomnoming it :33 AND THISSSS EEEEEEEEEEE HOW DOES IT FEEL BEING KISSED STUPID u have to let me know

UH OHHHH THE FORESHADOWING HAS ARRIVED i loved writing that or like that anyway. thought it might be a bit weird but fuck it we ball. i think now i'm really just narrating this story i am the knight's inland empire

UGHHH I'M JUST SO HAPPY THAT WHAT I WRITE ACTUALLY MAKES SENSE AND IT COMES OUT LIKE I WANT IT TOO AGAIN YOU'RE AN ABSOLUTE ANGEL ARI you give me motivation and praise like noone else (i think i'm getting addicted to this)

OKAY OKAY so i feel like the knight genuinely wants to be softer right? i think i said that somewhere already but yeah. but it's just soooooo hard. it's so fucking hard but the silly little prince is making it easier step by step (even though the knight literally said that 'they're not getting anywhere' be serious rn) but there is always that voice in the back of their mind that's just ready to snap at them ready to give them a fat fucking reality check

gojo being reader’s metaphorical summer i’m still not sure what that makes them though. probably spring right i'm literally in love with us. SPRING BABYYY although again this is 10000% a thing where if u later rethink it and you think that they're another season that's so fucking valid i just want to hear about it lmao

i can picture everything so vividly your writing is just Like That but in this case i really don’t want to feel the scene as strongly as i am rn 😭😭😭 I’M SENSITIVE TOO OK me and prince!gojo are holding hands w our stupid sniffly little selves ahsahgsgaghsahgsghashgagh this is cute i think? IT'C CERTAINLY A COMPLIMENT AND I ACCEPT THAT THANK YOU I'M GLAD (?) IT MADE U FEEL SOMETHING

THE ONE AND ONLY ARI SAYING THAT MY WRITING IS BEAUTIFUL I CAN DIE IN PEACE NOW it literally means so so so much i've said it already and i will say it a lot more i love you so much

the knight and the rain though.. and the way they pointed it out earlier that it's gonna rain too..... and the prince was oblivious to it....... and how they had only seen each other in the sun but now the rain has changed it all.... literally washed away their little shimmer

sugu my dearest i love him so much too he's so important!!! also he will be in the next part!! he'll get more screentime i promise i also promise that the next part is also very angsty but let's just think about sugu rn okay. btw also i'm thinking about maybe splitting the winter part in two bc i have many many thoughts and i think a split might be good but that also means that the first part of it will be pretty much only angst lmao WE WILL SEE i need your opinion too

knight!reader is so troubled and self-loathing and so quick to imagine themselves as some kind of beast i just somewhere said that the knight is good with kids right. they are. but. there have definitely been moments where they did accidentally scare them...............

the heartbreak & shame that he must feel after telling them that he’d protect them and then failing to do so. ohhh this is gonna break him a little isnt it??? a prince who has the kingdom at his fingertips but has to watch someone he cares for get abused. OHHHH YEAHHHH we're gonna dissect this in the next part so i won't say a lot but it will break him yes. . period. sad emoji face.

ANDD MY FAVOURITE PART YAYYYY

and in the end — you're not even a real knight.

i knew almost immediately that i wanted to go this way. because well. how could they be? what kind of a king would knight a troubled kid like them?? even if they're good with a sword that kind of a past would most definitely be like a black spot on them.... and the 'knight' has never called themselves a knight. they've never claimed to be one. and they're not one in their head either.

they are a knight in other people's eyes though bc being a knight isn't about the title it's about protecting those who need to be protected feeding those who need to be fed it's about being polite it's about taking care of people and isn't that all they've been doing this whole time??? they are a knight. they just don't know it. im not worthy to be a knight ; i could never be a true knight this applies too!!!!! that's what goes on in their head. why would anyone even assume that they're a knight? unbelievable assumption (PLEASE BE SERIOUSS)

ANYWAY YES. THIS HAS BEEN SO FUN ARI I LOVE DOING THIS WITH YOU AND I LOVE YOU AND YOUR COMMENTS AND YOUR THOUGHTS AND IDEAS AND YOUR PRAISE AND I'M HORRENDOUSLY DOWN BAD thank you so so much truly i mean that from the bottom of my heart you live in my head<33333333

AUTUMN - THE SMILE

a reuniun between a prince and a knight, filled with laughter, giggles and tears. you should've seen it coming.

☆. contains: prince!satoru gojo x gn!knight!reader; fluff; angst :D; just a tad bit of violence toward the reader but they can take it (right?); knight!suguru makes an appearance as always, talk of shoko and her childhood

☆. word count: 6k

☆. note: got very real in the end. it'll pass, though. surely. tagging my beloveds too bc i want to. @twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat & @elusivemoon & @staryukis

+ here are the masterlist, the previous part & the soundtrack

it's autumn.

the yellow and red leaves paint the town in their warm colors. the people are wearing matching scarves, some already mittens too. the wind can be unforgiving during this time of year - it hides itself behind the last few drops of sunlight and reemerges the second a cloud appears.

it is sunny today, though. a few clouds here and there but not doesn't scare anybody. the town is as bustling as ever. and the prince is out on his daily walk again. he loves being outside, the castle makes him feel so restricted, so caged in. outside - whether it's the shadowy woods or the lively town, he feels free, even if it's a mere moment. he loves taking in the sun - he isn't wearing his blindfold again, aware of the hard fact that he'll get a sickening headache after, but he just can't help it. he wants to see the world around him without the silly restriction his eyes beg for him to wear. he wants to see the leaves, the vines growing on the houses, the river flowing along with the fish in it, the townsfolk. he knows the people, he loves the people; the old lady selling flowers on the corner, the blacksmith with one eye, the doctor, who taught shoko everything she knows, the kids playing ball, the cats nudging themselves against his calves. he loves it. and the people love him, too.

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈

sure, there are many, who'd like to see him dead but those are just power-hungry dogs and the prince knows that. he loves his people and they love him. whenever he comes out, he always plays with the kids. always. he plays ball with them, he plays house with them, he even planned a tea party for them once. he always visits the flower shop lady to look and smells the flowers, even when they're the exact same ones from the day before. he always buys some, insisting that he pays when the lady says otherwise. he buys loads and loads – some for his own room, some for his mom, some for the dining room and some for suguru and shoko. they always roll their eyes at that but the prince knows they appreciate the gesture; he's seen shoko admire them on the balcony of her room, observing every single petal in detail and he has seen suguru smelling them, when he thinks the prince isn't looking. suguru's nose is sensitive, so the prince takes his time picking out the ones with a smell that won't make his nose scrunch up.

suguru walks with him often, but not today. his knight duties called – the king's guard specifically requested him. 'how fancy' the prince said with a grin, earning a punch to his shoulder. he's proud of his friend, though, always. suguru makes an excellent knight and he couldn't be happier to have his best friend with him at all times (at most times).

he likes to visit the blacksmith, too. and every single time he begs, begs, to try out the job. he wants to get his hands dirty, he wants to try new things. he gets excited; it's freeing. a few times, when the prince is alone, the blacksmith allows the boy to help him.

the doctor is someone he also visits regularly. just to check up on her and to talk about shoko – he is insistent on knowing everything about her childhood but she herself won't tell him all that much. he always brings the doctor freshly brewed coffee from the tavern across the street. from her, he has learned that shoko had a rather tough childhood. well, he did know that much. he did learn that the doctor took in shoko when she was just eight; gave her a warm house and a bed and made her into an apprentice. shoko never budged an eye at the blood and the screams, which threw the doctor off a bit but she supposed it's from the life on the streets.

he has also learned that shoko had a friend, who was ready to do anything for her and for others for that's sake. with a deep sigh, she confessed that she regretted not taking in the other kid. shoko was more quiet, more well-behaved in a sense but the other kid – they kept getting into fights with the knights of the castle. "i kept scolding them over it. but no, they just kept going. later i learned that all of those beatings and slashings were for other kids." her head hanged low as she spoke. "they kept taking the blame for the younger kids, so that they wouldn't get hurt. stole food, so that they wouldn't starve. i didn't know that."

the prince nodded along, surprised to hear about this noble kid. his age, too. "where are they now?" he asked in a whisper, a little scared of the answer.

"they left. around the time they were twelve, i think. shoko was miserable. brought me and her flowers and bread; the most polite troubled kid i ever saw." she sighed."i was stupid."

the prince never mentions all that he knows to shoko; of course, he wants to know more but if she needs time to tell it to him herself – so be it. he offered her a room at the castle after he and suguru made her patch him up after a little accident. it's funny really, one of the prince's fondest memories.

though, the prince can't lie about being very fascinated the mysterious kid, who left town. why did they leave in the first place? why take the blame? who is this person? where are they now?

it's an old conversation that popped into his head as he's making his way to see the very same doctor today. why today? a cold breeze makes a shiver run down his spine and he looks up at the sun. it's so bright. fuck, he's definitely gonna get that headache. a group of kids run by him, laughter filling the street. he thinks about how there are no street kids now – he made sure of that. his father wasn't a fan of his idea of lowering the taxes and building a house for the alleged troubled kids. he hired some people that take care of them and that's another place he'll visit later today. he loves the kids so much and he just wants them to have a good life in his town. he won't be like his father — he will be better.

a warm smell of pastries suddenly floods his nose and he hums – it's thursday today. it's when they bake the biggest batch of goodies. his mouth is already salivating just thinking about it. he'll have to bring some to his friends too. as he's reaching his destination, a familiar glint of armor catches his eye. it's you. standing before the doctor's house, looking up at her with what can only be described as hope, as she's pointing toward the castle with a small smile. you give her a small nod and go for a hand shake for good measure but the doctor grabs your hand with both of hers and holds it to her heart. she tells you something that makes your lip quiver just a bit, just a litte. nodding again, you bow your head and bid your goodbye. the doctor is left standing at her door, watching you walk toward the flower shop.

the prince is stopped in his tracks, only managing to stare at you from a distance. he hasn't seen you since your little meet-cute. not for his lack of trying, though. oh no, he's been all over town, trying to find his little knight but to no avail — gone like the summery wind.

but now. here you are.

you make your way to the flower lady, greeting her with another bow of your head. so polite. the woman just beams at you and the prince feels his own lips twitch into a smile. you two engage in conversation that he cannot hear but once in his life, he doesn't want to interrupt. the flower lady says something that makes your head fall before she bursts into loud laughter, something teasing he thinks. it's like she knows you, why else would she be so comfortable with a new knight in town? he catches a faint, the faintest, little smirk playing on your lips and his knees are ready to give out.

after the short conversation with the woman, you make your way through the town with the prince tailing you. he watches you take in the people, the kids, the houses. the familiarity of it all. many of the older people seem to recognize you, bowing their heads as you pass by them.

reaching the stream that runs through the town, you lean against railing and tilt your head toward the sun. you bask in it. the light warms your skin, accentuating the scar across your eye. it looks cool. you have the same cuirass on from the months before, the little specks of rust still there. he looks at your hands, the bandages covering your fingers and the back of your hand. he's so curious about them. how'd you fight? how'd you protect? who'd you save? where have you been? it's eating him alive, he just wants to fucking ask you about the—

"you do that often, your highness?"

hm?

you address him without turning your head and it makes the prince jump a little. you knew he was here? he looks behind him just make sure you are, in fact, talking to h—

"yes, i'm talking to you."

"wha— how'd you know i was here?" his voice is a pitch higher than usual, genuinely surprised by having your attention on him.

"well, you're bound to spot the royal idiot standing with his mouth wide open in the middle of the street, your highness." you tease.

"i was not standing in the middle of the street! i am perfectly on the side, i don't know what you're talking about." he takes a step toward you, so– so eager to finally have you here with him.

"that's what you took from that sentence?" your fist raised in front of your lips, surpressing a grin.

the prince is more observant than you'd think. his fingers twitch by his side, eager to remove your hand and let your smile shine.

"i haven't seen you around."

"oh, were you looking for me, your highness?" it's supposed to be another tease but it doesn't fall through becaus—

"yes." the prince deadpans. humming, you try to brush off his straigh-forwardness.

"missed me, your highness?" you decide to give it another go.

"yes." and it doesn't work. you feel heat crawling up your neck, so you raise a hand to massage it. to hide it from the prince's keen eyes.

...

"you're ridiculous. don't you have other people to play around with?"

"oh, tons and tons. but they're not you." he leans toward you, tilting his head, boring his pretty blue eyes into yours – he really does look like a puppy like this. you've never seen one, you've only met teeth-baring wolves in the woods. you don't know what to do with him.

"has anyone mentioned, you have a terrible staring problem, your highness?" you retort.

"i just can't help it. and, anyway, i'm trying to figure out whether this is a dream or not."

"why would this be a dream, your highness?"

"i was momentarily convinced that our whole little date was a dream after i woke up, too, actually. but thank god, suguru was there to tell me that you did, in fact, save me. and, and you – yes, you – kindly refused the money and even told me to go and buy myself a new outfit." it's so off-putting how matter of fact it sounds. like he really thought it was a dream. you wonder, whether that's a good or a bad thing.

"well, did you?"

"i did. it matches your eyes. if i had known my little knight was in town, i wouldn've worn it." he sighs dramatically, rolling his eyes before setting his gaze on the river below.

another breeze bristles through the two of you, rustling the prince's hair. the desire to fix it is weirdly strong, you push it aside. a cloud appears and moves in front of the beaming sun, casting a shadow upon you.

"i'm not your knight, your highness. nor am i little." straightening your back, you try to remind him of that. it's hard, he doesn't really take you seriously like that. it irks you.

"yeah– yeah." he brushes it off with ease. no harm done. the cloud moves a little and a few sun beams drop down onto the prince, leaving you behind into the shadows for a moment before lighting you up again.

"by the way, can you stop doing that?"

"doing what, your highness?" you inquire with a raised brow.

"that. exactly that."

"that what? use your words, your highness. you're a big boy, i know you can do it." it's funny to tease him. the honored prince.

he turns to you, his lips pursed. "your highness."

"your highness?" you push.

"you know exactly what i'm talking about and i need you to stop it."

"why would i, your highness?" of course, you know what he's talking about. he was crying about it the last time you saw each other. his name.

"because, because, because," he pushes himself off the railing, fully turning his body to you. "i want you to call me by my name."

"i won't, your highness." it's a statement. you won't budge. you won't.

"but why? i need you to say my name." his shoulders fall as he looks at you. like a puppy.

"why are you so hell-bent on that? i cannot do that, your highness. it's wrong."

"it's less wrong than calling me an 'idiot' every two seconds?" that — is a good point. you won't tell him that.

"what do you think will happen if you say it, hm? there's nobody here; nobody to shame you for it and even if somebody tried – i'd protect you." the last part tugs the corners of his mouth up, nailing them there, showing off his pearly whites.

"what do you think will happen if i say it, hm?" you shoot back.

his parted lips close. "other than world peace and an end to the famine? i just get to hear it, simple as that."

he's doing it again. kind of trying to claw inside your ribcage. thankfully you're wearing armor; you won't let it happen. you can't. it's crazy, how much his sincerity irks you. and his jokes. and his smile. and his eyes. and the way he won't leave you alone. and the way he keeps bugging you about the name. you won't, though. you will not.

"i can drop the 'your highness', if that'll make you leave me alone."

"yes!" he does a little celebratory movement with his fist and the urge to punch him is back. "that's a start. we're getting somewhere now." flashing you a smirk, he leans back onto the railing.

"we're not getting anywhere, stupid."

the prince smiles to himself as you two have another moment of silence. you're both looking at the same two fish in the river, swimming in circles with each other.

while you're distracted with the river, the prince decides to take another good look at you up close. his eyes scan you from head to toe. another glance at the scar – it's deep and it's old. your eyes look a bit tired, but the prince convinces himself that the little glint in them is because of him. there's an almost healed cut in your bottom lip. there's another scar on your neck. he looks over your cuirass, wondering how heavy it is. your sword hanging from its scabbard. how heavy would that be.

"what happened?" he asks, pointing to your bandaged fingers that you keep fiddling with.

"fought a bear."

...

"what?! you can't just casually say you fought a fucking bear and then just stoically look in the distance?" he's ready to bounce off the walls, three words filling his adrenaline gauge immediately.

"nothing special about it."

it's taking you everything to hold back your laughter.

"wha— what the fuck do you mean 'it's nothing special'? you fought a bear?!"

he's unbelievably naive, actually, because does he seriously think you fought a bear and got away with some scratches on your fingers and nothing else? he's deluded. just for you.

"how big was it? was it mad? did you kill its babies? oh, i hope you didn't kill its babies, that's so bad. wait, did you kill it? why'd you fight it in the first place? c'mon, please tell me. please."

it all comes out in one breath and he looks like he's about to pass out.

"well, i was sent for it actually."

"you were sent for it?"

you hum in agreement.

"a few days after being in town, the flowershop lady sought me out with a problem of hers. the knights of the castle didn't take her seriously, that's why she had to turn to me."

the prince nods, already hooked to your story. he knows the older knights, his father's knights, can be assholes.

"she told me – a bear, like a really, really big one at that, had visited the town on a quiet night. and that it'd stolen some of the flowers from her stand."

he nods again, albeit faintly this time.

"so i went to find it. for her. took me days, the journey was rough." you sigh deeply before glancing at him, almost stopping your false little story because of his confused expression. he's cute. no, he isn't. "t'was an easy fight, though. you know how good i am with the sword. i returned with its head just yesterday. that's why you haven't seen me around."

he looks at you blankly, like a kid, who's parents are trying to convince him that santa claus is indeed real.

"i'm just fucking with you, my liege. i didn't fight a fucking bear, s—" you bite your lip to stop the word from falling from your lip and for your sake, the prince doesn't seem to notice.

"that's so not funny, you know. i really thought you went and fought a bear." he dangles from the railing, sporting a jutted out bottom lip and big doe eyes. poor boy.

you just can't stop the small smile that spreads across your face.

"you thought i fought a bear and got away with a few bandages! it's your own fault, really. you're too naive."

his own lips begin to mirror yours. "so mean. i'm just being positive, okay."

"yeah, okay."

it's a second. where it's all quiet – just you and him, looking at each other and smiling. it's weird. and so good at the same time. you don't know what to do with yourself. he bumps his shoulder into yours before leaning back down. he stays close, an inch between you and you fight the urge to pull away. you're scared. not used to this. it was just a fleeting touch and he doesn't seem that affected. (he is). your eyes flick from the river to the fish to the flowers by the water and to the sky above you. you don't know what to do with yourself.

suddenly high-pitched giggles erupt from somewhere behind you, catching your attention. three little girls in their little pastel dresses, they all have flowers behind their ears. the prince turns around and takes the world's biggest bow possible, making the girls titter once more.

"well, hello to my very favourite girls." he's wearing that sickeningly sweet smile again. he kneels down and beckons them closer. all of their eyes flick over to you and the need to step away is killing you. but as if noticing your uneasiness, the prince tugs on your hand, pulling you down with him. he sends you a reassuring smile and motions for the girls again. this time, they don't hesitate.

one of the girls reminds you of shoko. it's a bit uncanny, really. brown hair and big brown eyes. and she even stares at you the same way, just like she did when you were small; with a sense of curiosity instead of the usual distain you were used to. you try to give her a cautious smile, so afraid she'll be frightened by your sharp teeth, by the scars.

she beams.

the little girl flashes you a grin as if she's ready to compete against the sun or the young prince beside you. her little eyes shine, her little hand reaches out. "can i touch it?"

"touch it?"

"th-the scar." she nods. she's excited?

"oh."

the prince is quietly observing you from the corner of his eye while braiding one of the other girls' hair. the girls taught him that. he's very good at it, too. the third little lady is talking his ear off about the next tea-party they're having. he loves them.

"uhm, you can. yeah." clearing your throat, you lean a little closer to her. the small hand stretches out, her fingers ghost over the long bump across your eye.

"does it hurt?"

you shake your head. not anymore.

"cool." she takes a step back, still looking at you.

the prince swears there are stars in your eyes, and he's determined to make them stay there.

"do you want a flower, too?" one of the other girls asks. she has on a purple dress and she has the biggest bundle of flowers in her hands. there are reds, there are blues, yellows and pinks. it's such a colorful bouquet, you wonder where she found them all.

"i– sure."

"i think..." the prince's hand reaches for the flower, his fingertips ghosting over yours. "this..." he raises it next to your ear. "should go here. what'd you think girls?" they excitedly nod their heads. "yes! yes!"

and to top it off, he whispers a 'be good' to you.

a grumble, is what escapes your tight throat but the quiet giggles that emit from the girls help it relax. the prince's nimble hand pushes a hair behind your ear and places the flower aside it.

"would you look at that, hm?" there's a teasing lilt in there somewhere, you're sure of it. you just can't hear it right now. surely. his eyes are glued to you, making your lips purse. the heat is back, back on its way up your spine and to your neck. this is so silly.

'so pretty' is what one of the girls whispers, followed by a small 'yeah'.

your eyes flick over to them, still waiting for them to just run off but they're there. admiring the knight with the flower behind their ear alongside their prince. the heat is now clawing its way up your neck and onto your face; the warm tint on your cheeks makes the prince coo. that's enough.

standing up, you glare at the prince, who simply cannot put away his smile. switching to the girls, you merely lean over them. "run along now." it was supposed to sound harsh, demanding, but once again you're greeted with their warm smiles and giggles. they wave to their prince and they wave to you before running off.

a tug on your bandaged hand makes you jump. "are you coming to the party?" it's the mini-shoko. tugging on your arm like when you were young.

your eyebrows raise – you don't know the answer to her simple question. it should be a no, but how can you say that to her? you just want her to smile, to keep smiling.

an arms slings over your shoulder, making you glance at the hand and then at the face. he's so close like this.

"they're coming!"

"really?" her eyes have doubled in size, genuinely excited and ready for another knight to attend the party.

"i promise!" he sticks out his pinky and waits for her to do the same. they link them together with mirrored smiles before she, too, runs off. the prince turns his head and your noses almost brush together, making your eyes widen.

"it looks good."

"fuck off." shoving him off of your shoulder, you give him a firm punch against his chest, loud laughter rumbling through it. god, he's annoying.

settling back to your spot resting against the railing and closing your eyes, you take another moment to enjoy the sun. you can feel his eyes on you; it's impossible not to.

"stop staring."

"i can't."

you slightly open one of your eyes and peer at him. his leaning on the thing, cheek mushed against the palm of his hand, eyes set on you. he looks beautiful.

"why don't you wear the blindfold?"

"i don't like it."

"how come?"

"i wanna see the world."

"and you don't with it?"

"yes and no." he rubs his eyes before closing them and mirroring your pose – head turned up to the blue sky. "yes, i technically see everything and no, in a sense that i want to look at people and i want them to look at me. i want to connect with them. with the world. with you." he tilts his head toward you, peeking at you. you shy away from his gaze, scoffing under your nose.

"i heard it gives you headaches?"

"it's worth it."

he means it. you hum.

"it's gonna rain soon." you say it more to yourself than to him.

"no, it won't." he opens his eyes and stares at the clouds slowly drifting in wind above him.

"yes, it will."

"what, you a psychic all of a sudden?"

pointing behind him, you gesture to the way darker clouds now moving in the town's way.

"oh..."

idiot.

"you sure you can be outside when it happens?"

"hm?"

"i heard that little boys like you get washed away in the rain. 'm jus' looking out for you." your eyes are glued to the other side of the river in a stoic manner, whilst the prince gapes at you like the fish in the water.

"i— am not a little boy."

oh, and his voice cracks.

...

his cheeks flush but it's worth it because the next thing he hears is like the sweetest melody in the world – you laugh. you actually laugh.

"right... not a little boy but a pretty little princess instead." and you can't help it, another chuckle bubbling up your throat.

he's in awe. the sun peeks from the grey clouds and soaks you in it's golden light. his knight.

"i—..." and he can't contain his own laughter. "okay, first of all – i'd make a gorgeous princess, for all you know!"

"oh, i don't doubt that." you scoff.

the prince takes a step from the railing and spins himself around, hands outstretched holding his imagenary gown, he bends his knees and bows his head like a true princess.

"the girls have taught you well, i see." your hand rises again to hide your foreign expression; rough, scarred fingers covering the softest grin. "you really are ridiculous..."

"just for you." his voice is always so confident, like he really means it. for you. but he isn't. he isn't for you – you seem to be forgetting that. mistakes like that tend to get punished.

he does another twirl but his feet can't keep up with him and he stumbles backward, a moment away from falling when cold fingers wrap around his wrist, steadying him.

"i don't understand how you're so good with a sword when you can't even stand up without the danger of cracking your skull open."

"you think i'm good with the sword?" he beams.

"that's not— that's... i mean, you're good for a person, who has been training for the most of his life, yeah."

it's the best compliment; you trying to conceal it under some fake little comment won't stop him from him writing it down in his little journal later.

his wrist is still caught in your palm and he doesn't plan on letting you go – swiveling his hand to properly grasp onto yours. it doesn't burn. with a smile he pulls you down the small hill, down toward the river.

"hey!"

your little complaint falls onto his deaf ears; he's determined to keep you with him. forever and ever.

the dark figure staring at you from the distance is hidden by the sound of the prince's addicting laughter. you've let yourself go for a minute and you're about to be punished for it. are you ready?

he drags you right to the calm stream, never letting go of your hand. it feels right. your hand in his. he bends down, you with him, to see what he's up to - only to be splashed right in the face.

"wha— you little fuck."

giggles emit from his throat as he takes a step back, watching you dip your hands into the water. "come here, boy."

it's so easy to forget with him. to forget everything. that you're not supposed to be acting like this. playing like children. especially with the prince. you're not supposed to be laughing. having fun. you're not supposed to.

you splash him back, child-like laughter falling from your lips with ease. it's your fault.

this little chase goes on for a couple of minutes before the prince takes another stumble, bringing you down onto the grassy bed with a thud!

this time – your noses really do bump together, an immediate flush spreading across your face. your armor is heavy on his chest but he doesn't mind. doesn't mind when it comes to you. when you try to get up, his fingers latch onto the metal, gently pressing down on your waist.

his blue eyes gaze up at you but you don't really know what is it that swims in them. you're not acquainted with stuff like this. you don't know what the fuck this man is thinking about right now, but you do know that this is inappropriate. you shouldn't be doing this.

"this is stupid." you try to push yourself up again.

"stay."

you glare at him, gauging the meaning behind his word. is he joking?

"stay." he whispers.

your eyes flick down to his lips. his flick down to yours.

his heart jumps in his chest when you don't push away a third time. he does sense a small scolding ahead though. and he's right because your lips part, curving just the right way—

he knows what you're about to say. what you're gonna start your sentence with. it's coming. he can almost hear it. the smooth 's' on the tip of your tongue—

"boy!"

...

your eyes widen and your lips sow themselves shut in the blink of an eye, forcing the prince watch you swallow his name; push it deep down – as far as it could possibly go. never to be seen again. the weight of your armor lifts from his chest, but another kind remains heavy on his heart.

"boy!" the same voice calls. the prince doesn't need to look to know, who it is. a big figure looms over the two of you, ontop the very hill you spent the last thirty minutes on. even though the man's voice is directed at the prince, his eyes are set on you. scrambling to your feet, your head falls into a shameful bow before the king's guard.

how dare you?

it takes no time to close the distance between him and you. the sheer size of the man hides the prince behind him. from you.

the prince's mouth opens – ready to defend his knigh—

a slap!

the man's back of the hand meets your cheek, jolting you, awakening some well-hidden memories deep in your body. your eyes shoot up to face your foe. you know this man. his eyes are cold; cold as the sudden autumn wind, a wind you know will give you a fever and nail you to your bed. your cheek throbs – a dark pink pool of shame; pure shame and digust of oneself.

"a thieving child dressed as a warrior? hah, this isn't the time to play house."

how dare you?

a sharp intake of breath and the prince is hurling towards you but a strong hand keeps him in place.

"don't." suguru. his arm drapes over the prince's chest, holding him back.

slap!

on the same side. the pink tint rapidly turning into a deep red one.

how dare you?

the prince thrashes in suguru's grasp. a raindrop falls onto his forehead, dripping down by his eyebrow, hiding his already watery eyes – 'a sensitive boy' his mother always said.

the heavy brash rain washes away the light that had been shining in your eyes, turning them back into a pair off dull ones; the beating heart behind your ribs rattling in its cage. stupid.

"never did have any respect for your superiors, did ya? you oughta kneel before your prince. and beg for his forgivess."

"no!" the prince barks.

a tch!

his heavy fist lands against your worn back, stumbling you forward. he doesn't need to tell you twice. you don't wanna hear it twice. with a throbbing red cheek you step before the prince and slowly fall down to your knee, into the mud. where you belong. you reach for the prince's hand, raising it to your face.

"forgive me, my prince."

after what seemed like entirnity, your eyes meet. it's not you. it can't be. chapped lips graze the back of his hand, trembling in your hold while you keep your cold gaze on him. the flower behind your ear has wilted, laying limp, just about ready to fall and sink deep into the ground.

the knife in his chest turns and he can't breathe. another tear brimms in his eye, spilling over the plump of his cheek and blending together with the rain soaking his shirt. it hurts.

"why don't you accompany the prince inside, his father is expecting him." the man orders the dark haired knight.

suguru doesn't look any better than the two of you; his lips indefinitely turned downward, guilt seeping from the hands holding his best friend. he knows he can't do anything for you and he's sure you know it too, it doesn't take away the god awful feeling, though. he feels the prince turning more into a puddle by the second, his grasp on him faltering.

he tugs him a step back, the prince's hand slipping from yours.

"please."

it's only for your ears, yet you don't know what he's asking for. you stand with a head held up high, the cold raindrops easing the burning in your cheek (but not in your chest). you watch them saunter away, watch the prince glance behind him exactly three times. three times too much because he just doesn't get it. he doesn't understand that this is it.

this won't happen again; it cannot happen again. he's just a boy — a boy, who wants to play house, knowing there won't be a punishment for his fun. a mere slap against his fingers that he'll respond to with a frown but nothing more. but a knight? playing house? it's absurd, laughable even. it is disgraceful.

who do you think you are?

who are you to touch the prince with your dirty hand? who are you to stain him with your tainted touch? how dare you muddy their little doll? their precious prince? you're some foul creature seen on the street; an agressive dog, ready to chew up the prince. he's not for you to touch, to have — he's theirs. he is everything and you are nothing.

and in the end — you're not even a real knight.

[froggy-frogz]

EYYYY HELL YEAH CONGRATS ON 300 FOLLOWERS YOU MADLAD- canigetuhhhhh match up for inside job?? if im not too late nshit i mean shdjgksm-- im uh. on the shorter side of things, 5'2 and all that, quiet and take a minute to open up to someone/a group of people but once im comfortable i get Loud- but like, can and still will reel it in if need be but im gonna openly/lovingly verbally beat my friends up into being nice(er) to themselves bc thats my friend they're being mean to, thems fightin' words. goofball through and through, enjoyer of cartoons and shitty puns, big family kinda person too, hopeless/ful romantic even though i cant take being on the receiving end of it- i jsut kinda. i get flustered easily is the thing.

love languages are gift giving- like if i see something while im out and about nshit that a friend mentioned or a meme or something than im getting it for them/showing it to them Real Quick, physical touch, and words of affirmation though i have trouble phrasing things more often than not gsjksdm-- sorry if this is all over the place and!! lemme know if this is enough/coherent enough or not buT TLDR YEAH CONGRATS ON THE FOLLOWERS NSTUFF

AYYYYY TY <3 I can't believe I would actually get this far :,) but I'm grateful for all my followers- Anywayyy I hope you enjoy! This is my first time matching ppl up so please don't take it too seriously!! Also, I can never choose just one person for matchups so here take two ppl <3

After some consideration, I'd match you with...

Brett

- Since you're a hopeless/ful romantic, I immediately thought of Brett.

- Since you're a bit drawn out when you first meet him/the gang, he's going to help to draw you out of your shell! He won't make you do anything you wouldn't want to do tho :)

- He loves that you're so short. Don't tempt him, he will carry you around. He'll carry you like you're weightless, this man won't even break a sweat.

- Also??? Physical touch love language who? Brett's love language is also touch- You two are inseparable, almost connected at the hip.

- Please show him your memes, no matter how broken it is [like my humor, deep-fried image of a bag type shit here]. No matter if he doesn't understand, it'll crack him up.

Andre

- He doesn't mind that you're shy at first, hell, he kinda makes it his personal project to warm you up to him.

- With lowkey flirt with you, but not in a way that you'd pick up. Though if you do pick up on it, and it gets all flustered, he will tease you. This man is the biggest tease ever.

- I personally hc that Andre's love languages are a little different depending on his mood, but one of the main ones is words of affirmation. He'll make it a point to remind you that he loves you and that you are doing amazing.

- He has a weird sense of humor, so he'll definitely love you showing him the weirdest fucking memes that you find on your socials.

- If you want, he'll get high with you and watch cartoons. He'd find it so fun, if not, he'll watch cartoons with you sober. I personally think he prefers cartoons to live-action stuff.

[aelaer]

I came here to say thank you for your dedication on writing stephen-centric fics (especially the whumpy/angsty ones). There's a lack of fics out there with stephen being one of the main chars that don't involve the author putting him as a 'plot-setter' to give other characters more 'spotlight'. I love all marvel characters, I really do, but sometimes when I try to find anything to read from the Stephen Strange fandom or alike, it never really fulfills my craving/reaches my expectations. Especially with ironstrange being an extremely famous ship. :/ I may come out more of like an ass on this one, but I really hate fics that make Stephen ooc just bcs. I dunno. To give their fav char the stage? And ppl praise those fics. Say they were good. It's super annoying tbh. I'm probably just biased, idk.

So yeah, thanks for writing your fics. I would really have given up on this fandom if it weren't for you. Real grateful.

k;efw;ijogrz;ogzihoggdio grd <33333333 Thank you! Whenever I am having a writing slump or just a bad day, I try to think of messages like this instead of negative thoughts. People taking the time to just say nice things, it's just -- real nice.

Always great to see another fan of Stephen whump around. PEOPLE, he's so whumpy! Tony and Peter get wayyyy too much whump in fics where the three show up, and in Loki & Stephen fics, it's usually Loki getting the whumping treatment. Whumping the *competent doctor* is way, way more fun. Trust me. I know there's a lot of whumpy writers in the MCU, give Stephen some of your whumpy love. Please. And then tag me after you're done writing it, thank you!

Also, you opened a can of worms with that last comment, because I agree with you and it's been like, a year since I made a comment on this on tumblr, so it's about time I made another one, ahahahah.

Warning: superrrr critical of anti-character writers/Civil War Team Iron Man Only writers below. Sorry if you, the person reading this, are included in that group. I just don't think it's good stuff and bad for the fandom--and my blog, my opinion space sorta thing. But this doesn't mean I think you're any less valuable, or less moral, as a person. This is still just fiction we're talking about.

There's definitely a segment of IronStrange fics that make Stephen OOC. I'm thankful that it's not all of them, but there's still enough to make a Stephen fan just annoyed. It's one reason I refuse to read non-Team Cap friendly fics, or any fic labeled "Civil War Team Iron Man", because 9 times out of 10, Stephen's just a prop character in those instead of a character with his own agency and beliefs. And usually Tony's made into this perfect messiah type character which is just *weird* for a guy who did make his fortune off weapons, like the writers are willfully ignoring that. And beyond that, Tony's definitely a flawed char, which is one reason I enjoy him as a character. Exploring his foibles is one of the best parts of writing from his POV. So making him perfect as anti-fics/Team Iron Man fics tend to do? Not my cup of tea.

There's a tendency to make Steve's character stupid or a bully which is just more bad writing, even worse than what Endgame did to him (talk about bad writing). Folks can write what they want, but I have yet to read a good anti-character-fic that keeps the characters true to their characters instead of serving as some sort of mouth piece for the author which is just poor writing. It may be popular, but there's a *lot* of really badly written books in the NYT Best Sellers, so popular doesn't mean good!

Also, it's not to say that these writers aren't capable of writing better, as I will see their other works and see that, yeah, they can write in a more nuanced POV or have a technical ability that's already present. But they've surrounded themselves with opinions and meta that fit their mold and their mold only and, well, handicap their own growth and their talent by sticking to OOC characterizations. It's their choice, of course, but I find it baffling because they stick to it for *years and years* and I'm still of the opinion that that's not healthy. It's 2022; Civil War came out 6 years ago. It's time to expand your horizons, and probably rewatch the film because you don't remember it as how it really happened if you're still sticking with the old, tired tropes these fics tend to have.

I did almost leave the fandom at one point and delete all my fics in a dark place at the end of 2019/beginning of 2020 (before the pandemic) because I was so tired of this trend to only IronStrange and the amount of vitriol in many of those stories. Thankfully other senses prevailed, and I got some outside assistance that helped make me realize that I still had a place in fandom, even if my opinion was a minority opinion. And asks like yours let me know I made the right choice in sticking around.

[tellywoodtrash]

bade acche lagte hain 2 30.08.21 lb

this better be worth the time i'm not using to watch my hotass korean show (Mad Dog) or i'm gonna get captain holt lvl of huffy.

entry of nakuul sir to sad khnh heartbeat theme to establish sadboi credentials.

damn, ib camera work really did the most to make him look taller and more imposing huh? dude looking kinda puny here.

chick he's here to meet for...... breakup/goodbye/whatever looks suitably apologetic for the misery she about to cause.

he's promising this woman (vedu) that he'll accomplish something (oooooooooh mystery, but lbr, it's prolly that he'll move on/get married or some such shit) by agli baarish. seems like a weird way to establish a deadline, what with climate change and our weather patterns being totally fucked up, but.... ok whatever works for y'all.

music has transitioned to prem's tune from dum lagake haisha to REALLLLLLLLLLLY drive home point ki THIS IS A GOOD MAN WITH LOTS OF HEART, HE IS WORTHY OF TRUST THIS SOFT MAN. he better be coz i've put up with 3+ years of him playing an absolute demon, so........... i deserve this.

ok some creep is chup ke taking video of them. ok??? they're just standing a very respectable distance apart and talking very calmly. what's the point of taking video of that????

oh god samajh gaye na ki achcha aadmi hai, itna bhi don't beat us over the head with his niceness.

anyway, phir se resolute vaada has been delivered that he'll fulfill her wish by next year.

vedu going in for grateful feelsy hug but weather is cockblocking.

ofc he is a manic pixie baarish enjoyer. pft.

vedu like yeah ok mereko pneumonia nahi chahiye and peaces out, while sir vows internally his ek tarfa pyaar will last all life. yeah, let's see, bro. let's see.

video lene waale creep ka creep boss decides to hang on to that totally fucking non-controversial video as blackmail material. ok?????? such low stakes bs i swear.

1 saal baaad......... ram has upgraded to shiny silver shoes. guess he's been pandemic shopping for absolute nonsense things to just feel something on the inside, like the rest of us,

his friend/chamcha/whatever is asking him about the promise he gave vedika a year ago, and there's something about behen ki engagement, while ram is too busy snacking. same, bro, same.

his delhi waala asst introduces himself as varun and ram's like.... i'll call you tarun, i call all my assistants tarun. um ok wtf????? you can't be arsed to just remember the names of ppl who work with you????? ALSO IT'S JUST ONE LETTER DIFFERENT, YOU CAN'T REMEMBER THAT AND CALL HIM BY HIS GIVEN NAME????? GOD. I HATE RICH PPL.

backstory time; vedika went and married someone else, and wants her brother in law to marry ram's sister shivi. ok idgi, ismein itna bada promise waali kya baat thi???

anyway sadboi ram is like oh it's gonna be sooooo great, it'll be me and vedu, pandit hoga, dj hoga, ppl will come and dance and celebrate.... but it'll be someone else's shaadi. and i'm totallyyyyyy fine with that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

friend/chamcha is like........ ummmmm ok sus, but whatever, i don't have the mental bandwidth to delve into this, so come let's do some random comedy. (which still isn't nakuul's strength. he only works when he's playing straight man to shenanigans happening around him, than participating in it himself.)

blah blah meeting time, where he throws around lotta buzzwords and jesus christ, i am so glad i don't have to sit in corporate meetings anymore.

character exposition time from chamcha to new asst varun/tarun: ram is best dealmaker businessman ever, a hypochondriac, insomniac, has sabse bada dil, loves his family beyond all else, and is a foodie extraordinaire. wow what an innovative and never seen before type of character played by nakuul mehta.

varun/tarun is asking chamcha friend what hopes he has for ram's life and future and like........ who are these ppl who think about their bosses like this? like, i don't give one flying fuck about my boss's life outside of work hours; as far as i'm concerned, they go back and lie in their coffins like vampires, till it's time to rise and make employees' lives difficult again.

anyway chamcha friend is like my friend is a lost child and i just want someone to help him come home. man fuck off, this dude looks perfectly sane and sensible and like he has a handle on all the shit in his life, so fuck off with this infantalizing bs. he doesn't need some woman to "fix" him.

moving to some college debate class where a chick is raving about mumbai ki baarish being an ~~~~~emotion~~~~, and like..... dude, have you seen your city's infrastructure????

the gen z college audience is like snapping their fingers to show agreement, and omg lol whutttttttt??????? is this a real thing young'uns do these days???? can't wait for when this gen reaches parliament.

priya is sitting in this class (evaluating/auditing it?) and scoffing at this trite romantic bs and gotta say she's a WHOLEASS MOOD.

snotty backbenchers are judging her (the new eng lit teacher.) whatever brats. focus on your snap streak or reel transitions or whatever it is that you kids these days care about.

passionate rain loving girl is like EXCUSE YOU MAAM WITH THE ROLLY EYES DO YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH MY BASICASS BAARISH LOVING PERSONALITY and priya's friend is like oh god don't start, they're just rich spoilt kids...... priya is like, if they're rich and spoilt, they're not kids, and if they're kids, they shouldn't be so spoilt..... logic is shaky but passable, but this isn't going to execute well sis.

priya destroys this pluviophile college crowd with her middle class logic and rationality and they cannot seem to handle the realness, coz they all like...........

cut to ram wanting pakode coz its thundering. casually skipping over fact that he just got a 400 cr deal signed in that meeting. pft.

cut to snotty kids bitching about how priya is pakau coz she's 32 and single and is "frustrated". because.......... we can't give ourselves orgasms????

anyway priya and her friend roll their eyes at the kids and their belief in "true wuv" as they discuss friend's divorce case and alimony issues, with patented balaji heroine dukhiyaari theme music in bg.

kids following her and saying the only man in her frustrated life is her autowaala. and honestly lemme tell y'all, that's the only reliable man needed in life.

priya's brother is ram's sister shivi's ex and he's depressed about her engagement to someone else and she has to go to some bakery to cheer him up or something.

shivi is in a snit about wanting last minute vegan cupcakes and not liking any of the shoes she has at her disposal, while ram tries to talk sense into her but..... ok i think i just don't care about ppl who are rich AND young. their issues are extra unworthy to me.

ram like she wants leather shoes and vegan cupcakes???? make it make sense, pls. he's right and he should say it.

anyway i think priya's fam runs the bakery snob sister wants her cupcakes from.

priya surrounded by a buncha lovelorn idiot siblings and is the only voice of sense here.

ram is calling to order the vegan cupcakes which should have no anda no sugar no maida and he's like what's even in these, hawa????

priya is like yeah these are our special ameeron ke chonchlein waale cupcakes with extra hawa, thanks for asking.

some bantering and bickering about him being kind of a rich dumbass and her totally not here for that bs.

lol he's like can i have a normal non healthy waala cupcake and she's like ok these are all the flavours we have, and he's like is there an "all in one" type, and she's like "nahi, aaj tak kisi ne itna laalach nahi kiya." lmaooooooooooooo.

before hanging up he asks if it's raining in mumbai (he's in delhi) and she's like oh great another fucking one of these baarish loving freaks.

omg one of his..... brothers???? is that ponky fellow from naagin 5. he has done cupcake pickup (800 cupcakes fit in in the trunk???? huh), one of which ram swiftly shoves in his gaping maw.

priya's siblings trying to keep her in the bakery after closing time, idk for what joy; while ram obsesses over gaadi ka ac not cooling enough and his eyes being red or some such...... idk man, i really don't care for rich ppl's problems.

he's switching out his silver shoes for gold ones. ick.

chamcha friend's name is adi and his wife is calling and she's mad and ram has been put on video call to cool her down. post hanging up, some stupid haha wives suck, they only feed you tinde kinda bs jokes.

priya is getting little toooo worked up over this romantic baarish spiel. sis, it's not thaaat deep. chill.

adi making some jab teri shaadi hogi jokes and ram gets all smiley sad again with khnh sad tune in bg.

priya ka bhi koi past heartbreak trauma ubhar aa raha hai and like...... get therapy sis.

ram ka car breakdown. rickshaw lena padega.

guess who else is standing on same street, cussing at the rain, and has her hand out for an auto.

she gets the auto first and he's standing outside haggling saying he'll pay double triple and all (they can't see each other coz she's lowered the rain shade on that side) and auto waala is like fml i hate my job i just wanna go home.

auto starts to drive away when priya hears ram lamenting ki meri behen ki sagaai hai yaaaaaar, and stops the auto to let him in, but his friends hailed another cab or something by then and he heads towards that.

precap: ram rushes in saying omg everyone must be waiting for meeeeeeee and i delayed the function, while engagement is full on going ahead without him only. priya's brother asks her how she felt about some maitreyi didi marrying her ex bf and she's like idgaf. shivi seems to have run away and come to priya's house (i guess back to her ex?) and ram's mom proposes priya and him get married. phew. too much information in 30 seconds.

[ccsthemovie2]

(I think it's a word over 500, but:)

"Speaking of Tsukishiro, how's he doing?", Eriol asks. Frying pan to fire to volcano.

"He's good," Touya says quickly, before Sakura can say anything. Yukito is not even in the ballpark of "good". Yesterday he called Touya and begged him to bike over and said it was important and when Touya showed up he was asleep, and stayed fast asleep right through to the next morning. He keeps trying to make appointments with doctors, and then falling asleep before he can call, or, when Touya calls for him, before he can make it out the door. Privately, Touya isn't sure how much good a doctor can do for him, but anything has to be better than this, right?

"Really? I'm glad to hear it." Ugh, how much has Sakura told him. Not that she doesn't have a right to talk to her friends, but, come on, would it kill her to least keep it between her and Tomoyo and the funny looking cat.

He's good, that's an obvious lie. Ruby has said Yukito could barely stand upright at school. Every inch of Touya Kinomoto is packed full of magic. Sooner or later, Eriol figures, either Sakura will be powerful enough to sustain him, or Yue will have to get over himself and just eat already. Touya can't actually do anything with his magic, so it's not like Yue, even weak as he is, will have to face much of a struggle to take it. (Aside from competition with Ruby, of course. There's something to that, right, articles and studies about animals being healthier if they need a bit of careful planning to get their food? Yes, so this works out nicely.)

Or maybe- oh, that's probably it. Yue's on to him, isn't he? He's just being stubborn as usual, figuring sooner or later Clow will appear via Eriol and save him. He can imagine how surprised, overjoyed, grateful Yue would be, if Eriol showed up and saved his life. He can imagine Yue's head resting on his neck as clearly as if he had kept Yue well-fed with magic a thousand times in his lifetime. It would be nice, in the short run, but it wouldn't be right, no. Clow is dead, and Yue needs to learn to live with that. If he knows what's good for him, he will take responsibility for his own life, and if he doesn't...

Ahh, well, maybe it's Clow's old sentimentality, maybe Eriol is just warming up to Sakura's moon guardian all on his own, but he can't bring himself around to the idea of letting Yue just die. He'd save him, if it came down to it. But, he tells himself sternly, only as an absolute last resort. He's just worrying because he misses Yue and wants to get to know him better all at once in that past-and-future way- it's worth a visit, soon. Yes, a nice little visit, and Yue will never even have to know it happened. Just to check in.

(sorry the formatting got weird when i copypasted lol!)

hiiii thanks for the ask!!!

if we talk about this convo we need to back up and talk about how it got here. this should give you some idea of how badly this needs to be under a cut for length lol.

so it all starts with the bit about how someone falling and being caught is something that happens a lot in ccs. how with eriol, it's purposeful, and with fujitaka (and i misremembered it but since found out she fell *on* him and not *caught* by him, which lolol i hope he broke a bone, but also its fine the fic's already marked canon divergent, or maybe the story gets misremembered, whatever, in any case), it's an echo of clowriol's intentional artificial-trustbuild-dangersaves but without the magic or purpose to back it up (just like fujitaka himself!), but it's a situation he quickly makes favorable to him, because it may be a blank slate but it's made of the same material.

this whole convo was part of one of the very first chunks written, but everything was going to go in a very different direction at first. (there's a lot of Cut Content from this fic, some that i just didn't like, some that wasn't connectable with the rest of the fic after it took the shape it took but might pop up somewhere else one day idk). in this particular bit i cut the later half of the conversation because i really didn't like what i'd written, but then even though the direction of the story changed the conversation was still going so it had to bounce somewhere else, so it bounced to yukito. here we are answering your ask 2 paragraphs in!

yukito, iirc in the anime, did catch her from a fall, (in the manga, which made way more sense for why she had to change her clothes and rest so much, he saved her from drowning, again iirc because who can trust a memory) and at a point where eriol still has some investment in making yuekito/sakura (ewwwww) happen, he's going to try and draw on that symbolism to nudge her in that direction, right?

so all this said, SPEAKING of yuekito. how are they doing.

bad, obviously. touya's freaking out. i imagine that part of what's stopping yukito from seeing a doctor is yue, though- he knows it wont help, and i dont think yukito has, like, person insides that will stand up to medical tests, and yue would pick up on yukito like, not wanting to be outed to the doctor as a magic construct because he, like, doesnt actually have a real heart that pulses, just a repeating heartbeat sound. doesn't for real have blood etc to test, just records of blood type (for personality reasons).

and also touya's a very like keep-ur-problems-not-everybodys-business type so hes like imagining sakura venting her fears to this weirdo and getting pissed off. but that didnt actually happen, eriol knew all on his own lolol. touya you have to say something nice should happen to sakura to make up for wrongly suspecting her now

and this bit on eriol's end is all wrong information and inaccurate conclusions and i was really worried ppl would take it at face value but i hope nobody did. in ccs we get moments where eriol wants sakura to take power, or to learn that power can be taken- his final battle with her, for example, where the answer to his light and dark puzzle is to use kero and yue's power, except that's not something she would ever Want to do or would even Occur to her to try. the power is gifted to her by kero and yue (and syaoran!) because they love her.

same concept, here- the answer to the 'yue is dying' puzzle is to eat touya's power, and he can't imagine the real reason why he won't just do that, and when he thinks about it too long it goes right to his ego- yue looovvvvesss clow, and by extension me. he wants meeeeeee to save him. he wants to neck kissy MY magic soo sooooo bad. but yue isn't considering any of that at all. he's thinking about yukito and what touya means to yukito and why that would make yukito hesitate to reach out, and that no way in hell will he just ambush his other self's crush down a dark alley and take his magic, even to save both their lives. he's a lot more selfless than clow and eriol ever realize. maybe- this is just a half formed thought right now, i dont know if im like certain about it, but- maybe they feel his devotion to clow was a form of selfishness, that he Wanted Love as a thing he could hold and own, whereas pretty much everybody else who meets him goes like YOU SELFLESS MAN YOU CANT JUST DIE FOR PPL YOU CARE ABOUT YOU GOTTA TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF TOOOO

and there’s also that bit of teacherliness intrinsic to the three of them again: im doing this to teach him a lesson. im letting ruby do her thing without telling her what’s going on to help and encourage yue, etc.

anyway, that (in terms of fic weaving itself into canon) solidifies his decision to do uhmmmm a thing that creeps me out real bad in the anime (knocking yue out to have a moment with him, and oh, ding, there's another 'you fell but i caught you' moment!). eriol loves this manner of hanging out with people, you see it later in this fic, even:

It's important to say what's in your heart to the people you want to say it to, even if you have to make sure the other person never hears it. It's important for your own emotional freedom.

he loves to spend time with people exclusively on his terms, to the point where the other party never even knew he was there, because he knocked them out, or because he was just staring creepily at the outside of sakura's house while she did homework, etc etc etc.

tldr: it's all connected, aaaaaaaaa

[agustdiv1ne]

thank you + milestone!!

damn, never thought we'd get here, did we?

in all honesty, it's been a pretty shit year. march 'til now has felt like the same month on repeat with tiny tweaks to make it all so much worse. but i'm not here to complain about the worst parts of this year, i'm here to celebrate the best ones.

this was the year that i finally started writing, that i was finally spurred to open a google doc and just type away until a tiny work of fiction stared back at me. my first one was 1k words, a rant to get all of my emotions off of my chest with an idol as my muse. it felt...great, though it also felt a bit odd writing after being an avid reader for years. i always did prefer essays to creative writing, but this year definitely changed that perspective.

i wrote that first blurb along with another fic in late july, and in early august, i asked my friends if i should post them. om august 3rd, i changed this blog from a fic rec to a fic writing blog just like that. i regret none of it.

it's been nearly five months since i revamped this blog and i couldn't be more grateful for the support i have gotten from all of you, whether it be a kind comment, a like, a reblog, all of it. i never thought anyone would like my content, but i've been proven severely wrong by this community. from my irls that are on here, to my lovely mutuals and followers, to those i've talked to a lil bit on this hellsite, to the writers whose fics i absolutely adore, to those who have left a like or a comment on one of my fics, i want to say thank you from the very bottom of my heart ♡

have a happy and healthy new year! i love and appreciate every single one of you!!

though i'm painfully bad at writing letters and getting all sappy, i wanted to write them anyways hahaha let's goooo

to @hwaddict:

my irl best friend!! my partner in crime!!!! i love you sm carly, and there are not enough words in this world for me to describe the extent of my love. you have been there for me during my lowest moments, you've seen me cry, and i don't cry in front of many ppl. i trust you with my life and i'm so glad that we became friends back in middle school bc you are one reasons that spur me to keep going. i can't wait to see where life takes us and know that while i might not always be able to be there physically (especially with college right around the corner), i will always be there for you in any way i can be. again i love you and i can't wait to conquer next year with you ♡♡

to @hopejanaee:

hope!! hobi!!! one of my irls! though we just became friends earlier this year, it feels like we've been friends for ages. it's crazy how close we grew so quickly but i am so grateful to have you in my life. you never fail to make me laugh whenever we're together and you're so chaotic but in such a good way hahaha. you were the one who got me into writing with your own wonderful fics so thank yoi for that. i'm so happy that we became friends because you're so kind and caring and ahhhhhh i love u sm ♡

to @oikawasmilkbread:

we talked for like 0.2 seconds but you are so kind and hella cool!! it was nice having random conversations with you and i'm so glad you randomly dmed me bc i am shy and i have 0 idea how to start conversations with anyone lmao. i always smile when i see you in my notifs! i hope you have a happy new year!!! ♡

to @luthenia:

i know you're on hiatus but seeing you in my notifs always excites me hahaha. we never talk but you are so supportive of everyone in this community and i just wanted to shout you out for that! your memes are top tier LMAO and i can't wait for when you come back, happy new year ♡

to @starsforten:

we also talked for approximately 1 second but it was so fun talking to you about astrology stuff (virgo sun libra rising gang hahahaha) and those teuta matoshi dresses! you are so nice and easy to talk to and i hope your new year is happy and fruitful! ♡

i recommend every single one of these blogs for their amazing content!! i added some of my favorite fics as i'm a whore for great writing hahaaaa

@kinktae

waterloo — a masterpiece! taehyung is so bitter at the beginning and it's adorable seeing how y/n breaks his tough shell. loved this from beginning to the end ♡

hot rod — the 50s slang, the dynamic between hoseok and y/n...*chef's kiss*

@untaemedqueen

welcome to seoul land — werewolf!namjoon really got me going, 100/10 would recommend

graceful gods — this is one of my all-time favorites, greek god!jungkook has my brain going brrrr

@shadowsremedy + @therealmintedmango

support system — adorable!! this is a hybrid!yoongi fic i really enjoy, and the series isn't over yet! check it out~

@bratkook

tear you apart — demon!taehyung...holy shit. i was speechless

@tatertotthethot

the doms next door — THIS SERIES OMG, i've read each part at least five times already. taekook got me acting UP

scream (posted to @yandere-society) — a really cool take on the movie scream with jungkook, yandere fics don't always appeal to me but this one absolutely did

@ateezmakemeweep

broken — the immense ache i felt in my chest while reading this, but i loved both parts with a burning passion. san is so sweet in this :')

@atinybrew

dirty free for all — the ULTIMATE demon!san fic. the writing is absolutely immaculate and this is the first fic that had me blushing down my mf ARMS

rice milk lattes and bryophytes roads — another san fic admittedly because i'm whipped for san lol. anyways, this was cute and hot at the same time and best friend!yunho made my double biasing ass that much happier

@seacottons

pan — an adorable peter pan!hongjoong fic, it had my heart going achhfhsjfjsjf

sir kiss me — circus au with san holy hell i loved every twist and turn of this

@actuallythatwaspromise

bad romance — one of my favorite yunho fics ever, punk rock!yunho x nerd!reader has my entire heart

aurora garden center and desire ink — florist!mingi had me uwuing for the entire fic, this was adorable and i loved it sm

@yeonjuncore

every single fic on this blog is an absolute masterpiece, i swear

the devil's little angel — THIS IS ONE OF MY ULTIMATE FAVORITES, demon!yeonjun had me screaming and it was just so fun to read and i loved every single second of it so much that i've read it nearly ten times now. so go read it, you won't regret it!

the boy with the horns — another of my ultimate favorites (i told you, their writing is just that amazing), woodland fey!soobin just had me going so soft :(( i literally sobbed at one point, that's how invested i was

bleeding heart — the tension between vampire!yeonjun and vampire slayer!reader had me screeching

curtain call — i have a sad crush vampire!soobin

i love you, always — this felt so..bittersweet? taehyun loves y/n so much, i lowkey cried while reading this

@angelfic

the art of (mis)communication — i am a whore for both reconciliation and yeonjun, 100000/10 pls read this i beg of you

@angelictaehyun

growing pains — ahhh once again a yeonjun fic, my chest hurt a lil bit at some points but it was so sweet!!

@neovisioned

bed of spiderwebs — spiderman!mark has my heart screeching, i loved every second of it ♡

eddie ate dynamite — johnny suh coming for my throat yet again

cupid victorious — cupid!jaehyun :'))) definitely one of my favorites!!

@domjaehyun

quarantine chronicles — ok if you haven't read this or the part two yet then you're missing out big time!! the tension, the buildup, every single part of this fic was just *chef's kiss* but multiply thay by a million

all these years — every single moment of this felt so nostalgic and the ending was so sweet :')

@caiuscassiuss

muse — i keep going back to this one constantly, the angst in this phenomenal and i love artist!taeyong sm here

@neoct-zen

loverboy — HOT, AMAZING, I SCREAMED. the blurbs that accompany this are also top-tier i recommend reading each and every one!!

@moondustis

pink + white — i'm so soft for mark i stg, this was the cutest thing ever

@loviejaehyun

can't avoid this feeling — hockey player!mark is the best thing ever

all tied up — i just- screamed as i read this bc professor!jaehyun is too hot goodbye

@hopejanaee

incapable — this is one of the best yoongi fics i've ever read ngl, it's not completed quite yet but the parts that have been posted are top tier!!

breathless — THIS. I LOVED THIS. yuta is just so hfjshhfhshfnsn and i love this sm

@hwaddict

melting point — big boy mingiiii, 100/10 would recommend

@okayau

house next to mine — frat boy!yeonjun rly got me going, cute and hot at the same time ahhhhbfnsnnf

youth — ADORABLE, yeonjun's confession is peak i love it here

run away — how many yeonjun fics can i fit in this post? (answer: a lot) definitely one of my favorite harry potter aus!! it was awesome seeing how their relationship changed throughout the years and perhaps i teared up a little at the end :'))

@starrychannies

baby steps — ONE OF ALL-TIME MY FAVORITE FICS ON THIS SITE, every single part is so well-written and ahhhhhfhdhhf chan makes me feel some type of way

my stupid — another yeonjun fic! angsty but v cute at the end :')

@baekhvuns

this youth of craziness — 40k words of pure gold, this fic is absolutely one of my favorite san fics ever!!

replacement — prince!ten makes my brain go brrrr, i love how the y/n just speaks her mind here

@masterninjacow

untitled project — i saw soulmate au with mark and i knew would already love it, and i did! pizza boy!mark at that, amazing and i adored it

more amazing blogs!!: @galaxteez, @poutybinz, @lustjoong, @bloominghigh

these are just a few of the fics and blogs i found this year, find more on my fic rec blog @agustdiv1ne-recs!! (my thumbs are starting to hurt i'm so sorry bfjshfhsh)

wrapping up each month since august since that's when i actually started posting LMAO

☆ august

03: good enough — chan

03: bloodsucker — seonghwa

04: cutie — san

09: veloxrotaphobia — mingi

19: want — changbin

21: numb — yunho

100 follower special — i reached 100 followers towards the end of august, my first ever milestone :') also my first ever time taking requests, 'twas very fun ♡

☆ september

03: on camera — jungkook

☆ october

27: oh, worm? — namjoon

31: demon days — san

☆ november

10: a letter to my love — xiaojun

23: bad for u — jaehyun

27: home sweet home — yeonjun

☆ december

christmas bash 2020 — my brain went hey what if you did this- and i listened so here's 17 holiday fics hahahaa (not all of them are out yet but i'm working on it!!)

things i plan to release in 2021!!

☆ sunflower — jimin

☆ cross — yeonjun

☆ landslide — seonghwa

☆ nice save — san

☆ red — hyunjin

☆ a secret series (that will be revealed once i plan everything) — ateez

☆ 4 unrelated secret fics oOoOoo — will i reveal them? you'll just have to wait and see ;)

there will definitely be more posted! these are the ones that are going to be my priority at first, but my imagination is always churning so expect a lot more :)) check out all of non-secret wips here!

i hit 500 followers a couple days ago! i nearly screamed when i saw that LMAO. thank you so much for liking my content because i work hella hard on it :') sometimes i feel like i don't deserve y'all really, but @hwaddict will yell at me if i say that so ig i take it back hfhshhdhg

a post for celebrating this milestone will come as soon as i finish up the rest of my christmas fics!! sorry that i'm so slow :( (hint: my requests will be open, so look out for it!)

so yeah!! that's it, sorry for the painfully long post (i'm sorry to my thumbs for typing this whole thing out </3). thank you to everyone who read this far!! i hope everyone has a happy and healthy new year, and in the words of txt's cover, fuck 2020. may 2021 be a much better year for all of us!!!

much love,

ashlee ♡

[feifood]

Hi can I get a bnha matchup? Hobbies- drawing on wacom tablet, horror and rp games, watching crime series and medical dramas, hanging out, joking and messing around, sleeping, spending my time on Tumblr 24/7 consuming villain content + Hawks. I like Sssniperwolf so I recommend to watch her videos.

I love- makeup, grunge outfits, rock and dark pop, scribbling on my hands (tattoos lol), lazing, writing, reading stories of interest, studying mythology, analyzing german literature etc. And I love my peace v v much.

I don't like fish and I'm carsick so that's smtng I have in common with Dabi lol.

I'm- a straight girl, 22y, 5'4 tall, have long burgundy hair, pale skin, green eyes etc. I'm extremely allergic to white powdered gloves like my skin gets itchy even if I wore them three days ago for 5min, 😂 sometimes I tend to laugh more when I'm too nervous I guess that some ppl caught up on it. I'm modest and down-to-earth kind of person. I hate narcists and "entitled" ppl. I'm feminist and I dare to say that I'm v emphatic, have good moral compass and reflexes. What I'm trying to say is that my intuition is v on point lol. That's why sometimes when I see people who tick me off I get rly mean and sarcastic, like, you can rly feel the spite hah. Idk I'm Pisces if that says anything and I think that I can relate to Jirou the most, she's nice. I'm not demanding and I don't like to be a bother, so whatever present you give me I'll be v grateful bc it came from that person. Ppl say that I'm pretty, smart, feminine, sometimes restless and blunt haha I just say what's on my mind, I don't hold back. But I think before I speak and the mean things I said through bluntness is usually deserved. Never expect me to call you first bc I think that I'm a bother but if you call me I'll be happy to engage in conversation with you. I'm good at massages and I like nice and cozy atmosphere, I'm not into theme parks/crazy rides type of gal lol. I'm also afraid of heights.

Fanfics- Idk angst and fluff, you can add nsfw (raises wine glass).

I match you up with...

Dabi !!

He hates how soft you make him, god he hates it so much. The way his entire personality changes when you're around and how he’s finally able to forget about all the things wrong in his life and finally focus on all that’s right. How quickly your words are able to hypnotize him and calm him down in moments of anger. Yes, he hates you, he tries to convince himself at first. It’ll pass soon, he tells himself as he’s in denial of falling deeper for you. I’m doing this for my own satisfaction, he lies in his mind as he shows up at your door with a hand full of flowers to pick you up on your first date. But in moments where he watches you put on your own makeup from across the room or read ‘one of those nerdy books’ (his words), he doesn’t even dare to think an ill thought about you. Going out with you is just as enjoyable, when you two just stroll along town while holding hands, the domestic feeling is something Dabi surprisingly enjoys. What tops those moments, however, are when he sees you interact with others with a bright smile on your face, always articulating the right responses in every situation and always treating others with reasonable respect. Dabi hates staying in, he tells himself, yet here he is on your doorstep for the fifth night in a row, knocking on the hardwood surface for the weekly movie marathons you two have together. 

Hi love, I REALLY really really enjoyed writing your request. I kind of got carried away and I feel like it’s not personalized enough. Either way, I really hope you like it :)) p.s. I love your overall vibe <3 

Okay take care cutie !! and thank you for participating hehe 

[shibalen]

[1/3] Hi~ May I pls request a Magi + KnY romantic male matchup? I'm a 5'0 hetero fem. I love to draw & sing especially! (I sing opera & I wanna be a voice teacher) I often take endless pics of the sunset and sea bc it's so pretty. I dislike bossy ppl. Quirk: I have a red birthmark on my arm shaped like Alaska lol! To strangers, I'm quiet, shy, friendly, and kind of a loner bc I'm rlly awkward (plus I value my time alone) I easily open up to funny ppl tho.

[2/3] In private, I'm more chill, funny & playful, especially w/ family. I can joke around them a lot. I have a short temper but I forgive just as quickly. I tend to smile or laugh a lot if I'm feeling embarrassed, sometimes I feel stupid for doing so :( I can be hard on myself yet I feel it's necessary to improve. I'm an appreciative person so I'll say thank you like 1000 times lol! I like to be straightforward in relationships even tho I still may be shy. I highly value family & honesty.

[3/3] I'd prefer a s/o who is family-oriented, devoted & genuine. It'd be great if they have a sense of humor too! I'd be the type to sing softly to my s/o while we're alone and close together. Maybe try to lull them to sleep, hehe! Thank you so much! Sorry it was so long, please take your time! I appreciate your hard work! Stay safe and healthy!! (*´︶`*)ﾉ"=͟͟͞͞♡

♡︎ matchup for @ne-nene-ne

bonjour! omg we sound so much alike? idk maybe it's just me? hehe

anyhowdies, thank you for your patience and popping up in my notifications so often! here is your mauchup~

|| magi: i match you with . . .

koumei ren

• since Koumei is not fond of loud and lively people, he would love all of your qualities! you're quiet but still easy to get along with, playful but value family as much as he. someone as well-balanced is a good match for him.

• he completely understands the habit of being hard on oneself. i feel like he's like that as well (hence all those hours of work) while he can appreciate your need to improve, he never fails to check up on you, ensuring you're not being overly critical of yourself.

• you wish he could do the same for himself because the words 'enough sleep' and 'self care' do not apparently belong into this man's vocabulary. you gotta gently remind him to eat and take a bath.

• also pls lull him to sleep, he needs it. all those late nights planning military strategies have done their part so your heavenly voice is the only thing that can put him at ease.

• you can just be talking and he already finds himself relaxing.

• he's eternally grateful to you for coming into his life ♡︎

• Komei is incredibly devoted and would never dream of betraying you. if he comes back late, know he was not out doing anything unfaithful but once again got emerged in planning tactics.

• he knows you get angry at him sometimes for it so he will try to make it up to you by any means!

• your first meeting was at an arranged marriage. your arranged marriage. it was something neither of you wanted at first and honestly it was pretty awkward with both of you being more reserved (ーー;)

• it wasn't until you bumped into each other in the drawing room that you began talking about your shared interests and growing closer.

• since then drawing became reserved for spending quality time together and relaxing.

• Koumei got a tad insecure though when he realised he had fallen in love with you although you were already married. he knew he was inferior when it came to appearances and quite sloppy in mannerisms compared to his brothers, poor thing.

• thankfully you caught onto that quite quickly and reassured him you loved him just the way he was ♡( ◡‿◡ )

• for someone so smart Koumei had no idea what to do except stand there with butterflies in his stomach and heart warming up so much the heat reached to his cheeks.

• he may appear like a gentleman, but once you've gotten past that layer you'll find out he has quite the sense of humor.

• you can joke around with him all you want as long as it's about nothing too inappropriate. you should also expect some light-hearted teasing, hehe

• i'm sorry to say this but occasionally your height will be targeted, he can't help but rest his hand on your head. it's cute, it's vulnerable, it's free real estate!

• if you get annoyed by this he'll just feign innocence . . .

• "could you stop using me as your armrest?"

• "armrest? what are you talking about? i am simply expressing my love for you through physical affection, my dear :)"

• more than teasing though, Koumei likes complimenting you. he will ruffle your hair affectionately, tell you what a good job you've done, how pretty you you look. you might think it's just flattery but rest assured all of these come from his heart!

• look no further because Koumei will use his status to show you the most beautiful sceneries in Kou.

• sunsets from high towers, a wide view of the ocean from imperial ships. when you've got a bit more time he'll carry you through the skies at twilight with his djin equip.

• sneaky bastard might just do a few stunts to have you cling onto him tighter (｡•̀ᴗ-)✧

• he prefers staying indoors during his free time so he'd be more than happy to listen to you practice opera singing.

• sometimes he goes outside to feed pidgeons and invites you along. those are such peaceful moments when you can talk about your worries or just admire how nice the weather is.

• Koumei lowkey prays you won't get into fights with Kouen or Kouha because they're both really bossy and you have a short temper.

• but because family is important for them as well, you'll learn to get by. he's so happy.

• though when will you start to think about having your own family? that's a question for later date because at the moment all Koumei wants is to live a happy, comfortable life with you ♡︎

runner up: Alibaba Saluja

⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ:⠀ *⋆.*:･ﾟ .: ⋆*･ﾟ: .⋆

|| kimetsu no yaiba: i match you with . . .

tanjirō kamado

• you guys have such matching sweetheart energies that i had to put you together!

• you also have the same values of family and honesty which makes your relationship all the stronger. you both respect each other and there is nothing but trust in your communication.

• your first meeting happened when you were teamed up together for a mission along with Zenitsu and Inosuke. Zenitsu immediately, of course, got googly eyed for you and feral boy Inosuke wanted to fight you.

• you started feeling awkward with so much going on but Tanjirō quickly got them to give you space.

• he approached you so kindly, understanding you were shy in this new situation.

• it took little time for you to open up to the Kamaboko gang, seeing as how bizarre they are, but Tanjirō was special from the beginning. needless to say, he was curious about you as well |ω-o)

• you two hit it off so well and continued to hang out after the mission. he never pressured you to talk and his patience felt almost godsent. with every new bit he learnt about you Tanjirō found himself becoming more and more enamoured with you.

• he finds your playful yet relaxed mannerisms so pleasant. you're like his sanctuary whenever he needs a break from the restless world around him. he knows he can tell you everything and anything and you'll listen.

• Tanjirō absolutely loves pampering you! you're such a lovely person that all he wants is to make sure you receive back all the positivity that you spread around.

• he won't judge you for your short temper, i mean he's friends with Inosuke after all. he'll only ever look at you with sweet, loving eyes.

• if you do have a small argument, you both end up apologising a million times and laughing cause neither of you will stop saying sorry. it's the cutest thing.

• Tanjirō is a bit on the serious side, and it's canon that he's insecure about the trait. it would be so wholesome if you taught him how to loosen up and joke around!

• he'd be clumsy at it at first but gradually get the hang of it.

• his jokes would still be so bad, poor child. you think it's really adorable though and laugh anyway ♡︎

• that proud twinkle in his eyes when he sees he succeeded making you smile is just— asdfghjk so full of love

• will assure you there is never anything wrong with laughing or smiling. your laugh is one of the most beautiful sounds to him so be prepared for a lot of silly jokes.

• please teach this boy to draw, i'm begging

• you and Nezuko are basically like siblings already. Tanjirō's heart swells every time he finds you with Nezuko, braiding her hair, singing to her or even simply giving her headpats.

• it's during times like those especially that he knows he wants to spend the rest of his life together with you.

• won't not brag about it aloud but Tanjirō likes he's the only person that get to hear you sing (aside from Nezuko) it's like your little secret, something that's reserved for him alone

• Zenitsu always grits his teeth seeing what lovebirds you are. though you were both a little shy about it at first, there is almost always some physical affection between you: hand holding, leaning against each other, cute, fluttering kisses.

• his favourite places to kiss you are your forehead and lips. he may get a bit flustered if you do it to him though but that's because he's so happy ♡︎

• !sharing cool scar/birthmark stories!

• "see, it looks like Alaska!"

• ". . . what's an Alaska? is it an animal?"

• "no, it's a land, silly. a very faraway land."

• "oh, i see! we should go there together some day. it'll be great!"

• your dates include many walks and picnics in the forest. he wants to show you all the best views of sunsets and oceans there are!

• i know this sounds corny but Tanjirō will 100% gaze at you instead while you're admiring the scenery. your reaction is just so precious and you look absolutely stunning in the soft light. you can't really blame him for being smitten ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

• he will remind you every day how dear you are to him. with daily but meaningful displays of affection, Tanjirō lets you know he will never leave your side ♡︎

runner up: Kyōjuro Rengoku

i hope you enjoyed! i admit i haven't seen magi in ages so i don't know how well it turned out ㆆ﹏ㆆ but thank you for the kind wishes, and make sure to take time off to breathe ♡︎

[hwqll]

hello!! just thought I'd stop by and say thank u for making content for us!! your little creations help make my day go by a little better :) also I thought I should ask whats your favorite thing about each tbz members if you dont mind? I'm in the mood to adore these boys more! 💞🥰

that's so sweet thank you for appreciating my content ( ´∀｀)ノ～ ♡ i'm glad i could help make your day even the slightest bit!!

here are my favorite things about each member :D it's very long i'm sorryy but my tbz love switch activated

sangyeon: his fatherly aura! i may joke around and say that sangy is in his prime age/retirement but thats really only because he gives off such dad vibes. he's super caring for both his nephews and tbz it makes me really fond && i'm glad tbz could rely on him ;;

jacob: his kindness! it's rly no joke that jacob is an angel(even though he could be a lil bully sometimes) as he is actually extremely nice 24/7 :') i love hearing tbz rave ab how kindhearted it is all the time. though a very very close runner up for my second favorite thing i have to mention is his voice. it's so soft all the time i could listen to him speak forever rly

younghoon: the way he gets shy after doing any fan service! he'll often cover his face up with his hands or hide behind a member nd i think that's super cute of him ;; i do want him to be more bold with doing fan service for the sake of confidence but even after almost 3 years he's still a shy baby !!

hyunjae: WHEN HE LAUGHS! i'm saying this in caps bc his face goes (ᗒᗜᗕ) and i LOVE it. he laughs at everything and when he does he'll throw his body back LOL or hit another member. it's also so loud like gosh his laughing is so genuine it instantly turns me fond

juyeon: his compassion! thinking about how kind and sensitive jy is makes me want to sob lowkey bc it's so well known how nice he is via past classmates and the present rn. he has a lot of sweet moments but the most recent one in particular was when he made a TINY mistake during their shangri-is stage on rtk and was so heartbroken he cried. this alone shows how much he cares ab his performance a ton for the sake of himself and tbz. he's clearly hard on himself which makes me :( and i do hope he lowers his own standards

kevin: his dorkiness lol!! kev has amazing art and vocal skills that'll never fail to impress me, however, the way he speaks is so hilarious to me because he's a living meme. he's had countless awk moments that make me go, "oh, kevin you fool" that make me laugh all the time and make me want to protect him. all of his moments are incredibly memorable and i love how he vibes

chanhee: his interactions! so chanhee vlives are my favorite thing ever by himself or with another member bc he won't hold back from speaking (?) like an example would be when he argues with deobis for 15 minutes about why he hates tomatoes HAHA or another one is when changmin runs his mouth and he just goes "SEE, EVERYONE, this is ji changmin" smmfnss it's just something of his personality that entertains me he acts the same with everyone including the fans

changmin: his passion for dance/being an idol in general! now this is a lil controversial for me because changmin puts so much effort and detail into practicing BUT he's so hard on himself T____T i'm really glad that he puts perfecting himself at the top priority though i wish he would put his mental health before that. he's rarely satisfied with himself and just the thought DEVASTATES me because in many deobis eyes he's so incredibly skilled yet he doesn't see that about himself. ofc i don't know everything about him but this is just what he's revealed on camera ;; please love yourself baby you're amazing

haknyeon: his vocals! he has a lower tone like changmin when it comes to singing and it's truly the most beautiful thing ever. i think it's butterfly or lucid dream where his vocals are just CHEF'S KISS. also his part in bloom bloom right after kevin's is my favorite thing in the world i wish hak got more lines he deserves it :"( checkmate too!!! when he and changmin are singing at the same time then it's just him ahh i admire it. sry this is just a "my favorite hak vocals" because i don't see many ppl mention it often but it really does deserve attention nd his vocals are engrained in my memory

hyunjoon: I MISS EVERYTHING ABOUT HIM but truly my favorite thing from the literal beginning of seeing him to now is his resting scowl. he's the embodiment of a house cat bc he's intimidating looking and then he just hits you with the i'm babie! he was a popular favorite amongst his hyungs and just thinking about that it makes me soft bc he was tbz' resident baby boy HAHA but then alas he would go on stage and attack all deobis simultaneously with his power ;;

sunwoo: his dual personality! to me, sw is the funniest person in tbz snmfhss he's so hilarious out of nowhere and during variety shows/vlives he's the one that makes me laugh the most. he is tbz #1 bully YET he's also just . the most generous boy. it's really clear that he is appreciative of his members all the time and everyone/thing rly. whenever i read his fancafes my heart just melts into a puddle because he's honestly extremely selfless ;; i swear i can hear him vividly say "i love you deobis" in my head because he says it so often

eric: LOML!! him and sunwoo have a tie in my heart for being the sweetest boys on earth. what made me bias him is how grateful he is as a person like he'll cry at the mere THOUGHT of tbz as his family and i just Q___Q at the way he cares for his members. he also posts many letters and selcas to deobis which are super motivating and lovely. i will forever adore that his key phrase is "always remember, eric loves you!" because it's his thing nd everyone knows it is!! i just wanna tell it straight to his face i treasure all the heartfelt messages he posts on a daily as it genuinely makes my day a lil bit better each time i see it ;;

[redspecialstardust]

Always Look After You - Oneshot

(Freddie Mercury X Fem!Reader)

After an incident goes down with a pervy fan, the paparazzi do their best to attack you; Freddie doesn't take kindly to it (gifs not mine)

Genre: Hurt/Comfort

Warnings: Ppl being turds, verbal sexual harassment, unwanted touching, Freddie getting angry

*Can be read as OG Freddie, or BoRap Freddie. Reader is a member of the band

It was worse than all of you had thought; without fail, just like everything else the band did, word got out about an incident---a bad incident. Last week after a gig at the Rainbow Theater, things got messy between you and a male fan. Usually when exiting a venue, Queen would just beeline for the limo, climb in and drive off.

But that night had gone extremely well concerning a great show and a positive turnout so all of you agreed to show a bit more appreciation towards the adoring audience. Once exiting the place, the band branched out to the roped off areas where the people were cheering over the fact that Queen was only feet away from them. It was going nicely too; countless autographs were signed as well as fun, friendly conversations with them. Just like each member, you also had those rabid fans who loved you completely for your talent and good looks.

Being a humble girl, kind comments often made you blush a bit, but nevertheless, concert after concert, the work on those electric violin solos of yours were gaining more and more attention every time. About twenty minutes in, you found yourself kind of floating amongst the crowd, smiling obliviously at all the positive attention for you and the boys, but it wasn't long before a man had caught your attention. He waved a bit, calling your name happily. So you naturally gravitated towards him and said a hello.

"Hello sir." You smiled.

"Hi (Y/N), wow it's great to meet you."

He had been nervously holding out an autograph book, which you kindly took and began to write your signature.

"Oh thanks, you too. Did you enjoy the show tonight?"

"Sure did, it was the best! And your violin skills are getting better all the time."

What a sweet guy.

"I appreciate that but honestly I think it was John who stole the show tonight."

He leaned in closer

"Well, between me and you, you're always the one to steal the show."

"Aww, well just make sure Freddie doesn't hear you say that." Both of you chuckled at the thought of Freddie getting jealous.

Afterwards, you handed him his pen and book back, intending to walk around a bit more but was suddenly stopped by his grip on your wrist. Okay, okay, no big deal, right? He probably just wanted to say one more thing and had to get your attention.

"Was there something else?" You asked, getting a bit uncomfortable.

His whole disposition seemed to evolve right in front of you and It was a little scary actually; his initially kind eyes almost went from cheery to maybe a bit dark, dare you say, hungry? His voice morphed too as it slightly purred, making your body freeze since you'd never had to deal with something like this before.

"How do you feel about getting out of here with me? I know a great club around here that's even 'clothing optional'. Judging by the way you move up there in those tight clothes, you're probably dying to let that gorgeous skin breathe."

Holy crap, this could not be happening. By this point he was even caressing your forearm, creating even more fearful adrenaline inside you; his grip had gotten tighter too. This may have been inappropriate, but the last thing you wanted was for everyone around you to see this esteemed band member 'attack' a fan; not at least without attempt possibly everything before going into defense mode. Why try fight when you could try flight, correct? Trying to maintain your composure, you stopped trying to pull away for a minute.

"U-uh, well, sorry sir, but I have a boyfriend."

You tried to get away again, but his fingers locked around you harder, and slowly pulled you closer.

"You what?! Who is it?!" His voice getting rather grating.

"That's not your business!"

"Is it one of them? You one of their whores?" He asked, nodding towards Freddie, Roger, John and Brian, who at the moment were totally unaware of what was happening just yards away. One of them you were seeing, but a whole you were not. At the time, you and Freddie had become an item only a few weeks ago, and chose to wait before announcing, just to make sure it was going anywhere for real. Only the other boys of Queen knew of this arrangement.

"Let go!" You shrieked, dropping all concern over the fact you were surrounded by fans, enough was enough! When you tried to get away again, he yanked you to his side, trying to cop a kiss. But before he could even pin your arm down to your waist, you immediately used it clock him on the side of his face over and over until he let go, and for good measure, kicked your boot to his crotch, and you kicked hard too.

The commotion was still very chaotic and people all over were panicking since your scream had been a kind of blind curveball to those minding their own business. The boys caught on to the madness erupting around them and saw you jumping back from where you were. All they knew was that it seemed you were in potential danger, and without having to exchange glances or words, all four of them corralled around you protectively, begging to know what happened.

"Are you alright, (Y/N)?" John said, rubbing your shoulders.

You were still a little shaken.

"Y-yeah, I think so."

Brian and Roger quickly hugged you, trying to calm your obviously panicked vibe. But Freddie on the other hand, he marched right in front of you, with fear in his eyes.

"(Y/N) Darling, what happened? Are you hurt? Tell me!" He pleaded, cupping your face .

"That guy on the ground there; he...he grabbed me and he wanted me to go to a club with him. I tried to get away, but he wouldn't let go, so I hit him."

"He grabbed you?!" Rogee yelled.

"Did he hurt you?" Freddie repeated.

You held your arm up, showing them the slightly bloody nail scratches this perv left. It didn't hurt that much, but it left you scared for sure. No one had ever put their hands on you like that before. All of them gasped a bit at the minor injury. One of their own had been hurt, and that was not a light issue in the slightest. Especially not to Freddie, your very protective boyfriend. When he gawked at the wound, the shock from this began to turn to rage as he slowly turned and saw the culprit still trying to stand and recover from the nasty kick you gave him. The punches you landed may hurt, but it was nothing compared to the pain that the lead singer was about to inflict.

In the most unsubtle way, Freddie screamed and ran for the perv and tried to practically maul him right there, but the rest of the guys held him back; they didn't like you getting hurt either, but the last thing they needed was more physical violence going down right now.

"YOU PUT YOUR HANDS ON HER?! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!"

One week later:

While you and the boys agreed to try to put that awful memory behind you, Freddie was still seething over the fact he didn't get to kick that guy's ass before being restrained. The press seemed to be quite hung up on it too, but the headlines didn't rule in your favorite at all. In fact, the victim in the scenario according to everyone else was that 'Poor man who just wanted to meet his favorite band'. No one knows how he did it, but in just seven short days, he had spread his version of the story all over the place and made it sound like it was you, the crazy hormonal female that went ape after he asked for an autograph.

Pictures in all the papers consisted of shots of you punching and throwing him to the ground in addition to Freddie lunging like a panther and screaming like a madman. Well he was mad--no, pissed that someone put his hands on you and for the most part, got away with it. The assault didn't stop there either. Queen was being sued all because you chose to defend yourself and it was an outrage.

To make things worse, a conference had been scheduled to talk about the new clothing line you and Freddie had collaborated on making, but with this under your belt, there's no way everyone there was gonna want to hear about yours and his original clothes. As you all anxiously stood in your green room, the pacing tension only seemed to increase. Freddie noticed your nervous self sitting depressed on the couch, and held you close to him, his lips lovingly pressed against your head.

He knew how scared you were and that you felt as if your career with Queen would be over. You didn't have to say it, but with him knowing you so well, he already figured you had considered leaving them so that the paparazzi would leave them alone.

"Don't even think about it." He wasn't about to lose contact with his love all because of some preposterous rumors.

"But Fred-"

"No 'buts' Darling; you're apart of the family and of my heart, so if you think for one second I'm going to allow these parasites to scare you away, then I'm ashamed."

The rest of them completely agreed. They loved you, and were more than willing to go through all the bad press. Thick and thin, Queen was going to stay together whether people liked it or not. As you looked up at the rest of them for reassurance, Brian tenderly smiled and put his hand out for you to grab. With your hand, you stretched out took it, feeling Roger and John hug you from left and right. The loyalty was astounding as most bands would have asked the elephant in the room to make itself scarce, but no, not with them. You sniffled out a thank you and felt your boyfriend complete the embracing circle; just then, Miami came out but quickly took a step back to let you all finish your moment.

"Miami?" Fred asked.

"They're uh, they're ready for you all."

Freddie nodded, motioning for everyone to follow him out there. As you all walked past Miami, he gently put his hand on your shoulder. The quiet gentleman was just as angry about this incident. Just like the boys were like his sons, you were like a daughter to him, and to see his daughter upset broke his heart.

"I'm terribly sorry this happened, (Y/N). Had I been there, me and Freddie would have both torn him apart."

"Thanks Jim."

The next thirty seconds of you walking out in front of all those reporters seemed to go into slo mo. The flashing camera, the judgemental expressions, the overlapping voices...be strong. All five band members cautiously sat, awaiting the inevitable. Brian calmly spoke up first and asked if anyone had any questions, and like it was a trigger word, the hurricane of one question on top of another, all from different voices made you shudder. Freddie sensed the fear, and carefully massaged your hand under the desk where no one could see.

For a while, the questions were surprisingly relevant to the clothing line. It seemed as if many of the journalists were also apprehensive about asking of a sensitive topic, which really helped you relax a bit. The calm coming over you also helped the guys to ease up as well.

"Who's idea was it to start the clothing line? (Y/N)s or Freddie's?"

"Well mine of course, my dear." Freddie boasted. "(Y/N) is very smart, but I'm still the brains of the operation."

You playfully shook your head, making the reporters laugh.

"(Y/N), which articles of clothing would you say is your strong point in designing?"

"Hmm. I think it'd have to be stylish shirts, along with accessories like scarves and hats, I've always got so many ideas for them."

"Has there been a lot of arguments over which designs should be kept and scrapped?"

"Oh it's no different than the boys arguing over music. But, before I can beat any sense into them, our manager, Miami holds me back." You chuckled.

"You mean just like how you beat that gentleman outside the theater last week?"

That question came out of nowhere so fast, it made you blank and stutter for a moment. Maybe using the word beat wasn't a good idea; you swear you didn't mean for all of this to start.

"I-I'm sorry?" You coyly asked.

"At the Rainbow Theater. You physically assaulted a fan after he asked for an autograph, is that true?"

"No, it isn't." And it begins...

"We have photographic evidence of you hitting him."

"I only hit him because---"

"Do you plan on taking any anger management classes?"

"I don't have any anger issues."

"He had a black eye and a cracked jaw along with severe damage to his privates."

"But he--"

"Did your parents used to beat you as a child?"

"M-my parents never put their hands on me."

"SHE'S LYING." A voice called from the crowd. It came out so loudly that everyone shut up immediately. When everyone in the room peered to the back, that same piece of crap who put his hands on you walked out of nowhere. His black eye was still dark as a shadow and his walk was definitely a bit crippled. Wow did you really hit him that hard? The boys all tensed and nearly growled at the scum before them.

"This whore is doing her best to hide her real self. All I wanted was an autograph, but then like a psycho, she wailed on me like a dog on raw meat."

"Liar!" Brian shouted

"Stop trying to defend your plaything, May. She's a monster and deserves punishment, I deserve compensation! Tell me (Y/N), who do you plan on attacking next? Another woman? a child maybe?"

Your chest began to unevenly breathe as your heart pounded; a panic attack was definitely coming on, and Freddie could feel the sweat forming on the palm he was rubbing. You wanted more than anything to tell them the real story, but all your thoughts were racing way too fast. Before you knew it, the cameras all began to flash in unison again and the constant questions poured while the accuser kept pointing and calling you every possible derogatory word. Freddie glanced at you and saw no difference between your fear or a deer staring into headlights. He felt your palm go limp as you began to dissociate and he couldn't stay calm anymore.

The king of Queen sprang to his feet and bellowed as loudly as possible.

"SHUT THE HELL UP!"

Once again, it went quiet and all attention went to him. John saw how frightened you were and gently led you back to the green room.

"Do you all want the real story? I'll give you the real story! We were all there. This sorry excuse of a man put his hands on one of my bandmates. She showed clear as day that she didn't want to be touched, and then he gripped her and tried to force himself on her. She acted upon self defense, and what he got was even less than he deserved. This pissflap deserves to go to prison and be made into every convict's girlfriend!"

Fred reached into his pocket, pulling out a polaroid photo.

"This photo...contains proof of the damage he inflicted on her. He grabbed her so tightly against her will that it left scratches and made her bleed! This man is no victim, he's a roach beneath my shoe...a roach that I'll make sure he wished was still hiding under the fridge he crawled out of!"

The journalists were writing everything down, transfixed on this side of the story they'd never heard. Was this true? Was Freddie trying to cover his friend's crime? Roger saw the doubt on everyone's faces and when your aggressor scoffed, he

the drummer snatched the photo from Freddie and handed it to Miami, whispering something in his ear. The manager nodded and kindly gave it to a photographer. The Polaroid began to get passed around, tension growing and judging faces now pointing to this man. They could tell the arm in the photo was definitely yours because you'd been wearing your signature zodiac bracelet; something you never went without.

"Now if you'll all excuse me, I have a girl to check on." Freddie announced.

As the band headed back, the journalists had already begun swarming the culprit. It seemed their work was done.

You were still shaking on the couch, and that loving boyfriend of yours wrapped his jacket around your shoulders.

"Let's go home." He whispered.

Without any fight, your feet stood with his and walked out with him, only upon going outside, he moved his jacket from your shoulders, to covering your head. He didn't want anyone in the press to see you upset, nor want you to see that idiot in the window. The limo was already waiting, and once you two piled in, he told the driver to return to Garden Lodge.

Freddie was still holding you tight, rubbing your back.

He kissed your head.

"I want this to be over, Freddie."

"It's alright my Love. I showed them the picture and told the whole story. I don't think it's quite over yet, but I think most will know you're innocent."

Your heart lightened at that. It was truly a relief knowing that your honor meant everything to him.

"Now what?" You sniffled.

"We go home. We get into our pajamas. And we binge watch all the comedies we can find, because I want to see you smile."

And just as he promised, you and Freddie spent the rest of the day cuddling on the couch with you, under a pile of blankets and of course, his cats.

THE END

Thanks for reading! Find more from me on the Masterlist