#and I'll never love anyone the same

[wayfinderships]

I'll be so doomed the day I ever get a girl f/o

[torgawl]

i keep thinking about how “is this what justice means to you, answer me neuvillette”, despite having been used in a case all those hundred of years ago, was probably a question that haunted - and still haunts - neuvilette during the entire time he has been chief of justice. i keep thinking about how they highlighted his struggles through time with both carole and wriothesley's trials. how guilty and powerless neuvillette must have felt for not being able to support and save those he recognised as vulnerable and victims before a system that corrupted their fates but that he wasn't able to change despite his position. the theme of being a casualty of a system no matter if you're the victim or the perpetrator in its eyes. the way neuvillette took, in both cases, things into his own hands. even if it was too late to fix the hurting carole and those who cared for her went through, even if it was too late to save her life; even if it was impossible to change wriothesley's past, his verdict and subsequent imprisonment; neuvillette went above and beyond, making use of his influence, to allow both melusines and wriothesley the opportunity of a better future - to melusines by making sure they weren't discriminated, to wriothesley by supporting his attempt at a second chance in life. i think part of the reason he's so intriguing is our awareness that this internal conflict he's bound to have is so complex. you have a chief of justice, or a judge, that is supposed to be imparcial and follow the law stictly confronted with situations of social injustice, unable to protect those who rely on him. you have someone who understands better than anyone what it means to be an outcast, being able to relate to those who are ostracised and have their pain weaponise against them. you have, in vautrin's case, a friend who cannot even showcase his own pain and is still expected to fullfil his juridical duties despite being personally related with those involved in the case. someone who people constantly turn to but whom he feels like he has no right to turn to himself. it's about the conflict between his feelings and his duty, between what's expected of him and what he can actually do. i think that's why the end of his story quest is so emotional and why it's so heartwarming to have him realise he isn't an outcast anymore, that he has a community there for him too. because a system is a system and he will probably never be able to save everyone, because yes he isn't human, but it doesn't mean he doesn't deserve to belong or that an active demonstration of love towards individuals and people he can relate to rather than the theoretical concept of humanity isn't meaningful. in fact, i'd it's a lot about that, about finding ways to be kind and how community gives meaning to life; how personal relationships and targeted kindness can shape society, or at least i think so

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

s1 episode 19 thoughts

my evening scully and mulder time has arrived!!! i read the synopsis of the episode- that they investigate a shapeshifting Indigenous creature- and (correctly) made the guess that things would be. well. appropriation-y.

the first thing i wrote was "roarrrrr a bear", this is because we see a taxidermy bear. hope that clears up any confusion.

the old man looks like mark twain. which is a normal thing to notice about a guy.

the son of mark twain guy- who shot a creature that turned out to be a man- pulls our duo aside and mentions how he knows their story doesn't make sense. i admired this self-aware move. most of the people who give mulder and scully their evidence are less willing to admit that it's kinda unlikely they really got abducted by aliens or saw bigfoot or whatever. so he won me over in this way.

scully's annoyed because she thinks it's just a homicide and says there's NOTHING unusual about this... and at that very moment mulder rolls up with a big piece of skin like "nope. nothing weird at all". count on him to find that. seems just like the thing he'd do. spooky mulder and all.

they go to a bar on the reservation to try and find the sheriff and learn more, but are met with a chilly reception due to the fact that they are working for the US government. but we see the dead guy's sister and she is very pretty as well as an old man that mulder talks to about shapeshifting.

"i want to believe" <- HE SAID THE LINE!!!!!

when they go to check the guy's body, mulder gets on the ground and opens the deceased's mouth to reveal: he has fangs!!!!!!!! which is probably the first time mulder looking in a dead guy's mouth has found anything useful! but certainly not the last.

at this point scully is weirded tf out because like. he knew to look for the skin AND jumped straight to the dead guy's teeth and she says mulder, you had best tell me what is going on right NOW. and we get a lore reveal!!! he knows all this because a similar case was the... drumroll please...

VERY! FIRST! X-FILE!!!!!

everyone cheered and clapped and pointed at the screen.

everyone EXCEPT scully, that is. because she is pissed that he would propose people can turn into animals. she got so mad that she got out of the car and left. this reaction is likely why mulder did not tell her about his hunch in the first place, but really can you blame her? she is a doctor. that profession is too busy to deal with werewolves.

they had giant umbrellas in almost every scene of this episode. oh, to be tromping around the pacific northwest adjacent era, hunting for clues in the rain... how atmospheric!

scully says she's very sorry to the murdered man's sister. not much to note here beyond that it was a kind thing to do.

there's a scene where someone turns into a wolf creature and pummels mark twain man and it looked remarkably similar to the attack my werewolf character in skyrim performs, which made me laugh. the "lunge and rip the person apart" technique must be universal to werewolf media across the land.

scully finds mark twain guy's son hurt in a field and takes him to the hospital! that was very kind of her but: i don't like it when our duo splits up. i enjoy their codependency.

but oh no!! things are not looking good for our murdered man's sister, who has since gone missing. did she do it....? (spoilers: nah she's innocent)

i felt very bad for the scraggly guy scully found in the middle of a field, who seem to thought that he somehow triggered his father's death. scully says she knows how it feels because she just lost her dad and holds his hand as he cries. scully :(((((((((

so then mulder and the sheriff visit an elder who explains the myth of the shapeshifter to them as one who is attacked and then attacks others, and cannot remember the trance they fall into. they refer to this as an Algonquin legend, and at first i was confused because the Algonquin live on the opposite side of north america, but the term can also refer to the entire language family that stretches across the continent. the more you know!

(regardless, the appropriation of Indigenous imagery as a form of horror entertainment by white folks is always gonna be Problematic and i do not excuse them of this crime)

but this is a sad kind of monster, in the x-files universe at least- one who doesn't know they are attacking others, which is a very compelling trope imo...

and we learn the kid had his father's blood in him, which can only happen if he ate his dad... which means...

OH NO! HE'S GONNA EAT SCULLY!

(actually i will copy my notes verbatim here, which i wrote while she drove him home, then continued writing as she tried to help him out while he was acting weird and locked himself in the bathroom)

"NOOO THE KID IS THE EVIL FELLOW AND SCULLY IS DRIVING HIM HOME this is what being a doctor gets you ohhh poor kid and poor scully she just wants to do her doctor duties and she'll pick the damn lock if she needs to that's doctorly dedication NOOOO HE'S GONNA EAT HER NOOOO NOT IN SEASON ONE WE HAVE SO MANY MORE TO GET TO"

wow, i think that says a lot. feel free to unpack that at a later time.

anyway, mulder realizes what is going on and he shows up with the sheriff guns blazing. like seriously, he SHOOTS the taxidermied bear i had earlier said "roaaaaar" to. the head is blown clean off. he was NOT going to let scully get eaten.

finally during his search of the ranch, he opens a door and she's hiding in there. they fall on top of each other and she says "it's okay, it's me, it's okay" and. man. the whispering. the need to be at each other's side in the face of imminent danger. the relief of those hushed words. it's okay. it's me. they're together again and they can face this Thing as a united front. ohhhhhhh hold me tight.

the sheriff shoots the mysterious creature and surprise! it turns into the guy who had been previously found naked in a field and accused of eating his father.

scully is deeply perplexed by all of this. she does not know what to think, for a mere 24-ish hours ago she was talking about how a human cannot become an animal! another instance of her central beliefs being shaken to the core.

before they leave, the old man yells to mulder "see you in about 8 years" referring to the cyclical nature of the attacks. and he says "i hope not"... how very ominous... i will certainly keep this in mind for future seasons

i thought the suspense in this episode was really good and i knew deep down she wasn't really going to be eaten, but i was still scared, so it certainly did its job in that regard. overall, not my fave episode though for cultural appropriation reasons- hint to those reading: Don't profit off of bastardizing Indigenous belief systems.

they did serve with those goth black umbrellas, though, i'll give them that.

[miniagula]

breeder himself pointed out how there's no difference between the world of man and the world of beasts so fundamentally what is his ideal world changing that doesn't already exist...EXCEPT the bugs

[swinging-stars-from-satellites]

it's like. everything happens so much. it's all happening right now but at the same time nothing is happening whatsoever. it's a liminal space of an existence. it's slowly crushing me under the weight but when I look up there's nothing actually bearing down on me. there shouldn't be any weight. something is wrong but nothing has happened. I'm simultaneously overwhelmed and utterly bored. nothing is happening and maybe that's the everything that's happening. maybe the everything is the nothing. we aren't there yet but it's all so imminent. either everything is going to crash down or nothing is. I'm just waiting to figure out which.

[kyouka-supremacy]

Mmmhh...

[decaffeinatedscarykoala]

Tears in my eyes and a forced smile on my face as I try to ignore the crippling agony I get cursed with monthly

(Keeping it together cuz I genuinely don't have the energy to lose it)

(No I am not a werewolf)

[mint-ty]

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[orcelito]

I'm at the painful "confession" scene during the kage summit arc. It really is so emotional, but also... hm.

When I was younger, like 13 or so, I was a big Sakura and Naruto shipper. They were the first pairing I read fanfic for even. And in a way, I do still enjoy the two of them together... but it's moments like these that really drive home the fact that it Doesn't really work in canon. Not the way that it's set up.

As Sakura puts it, "Sasuke, Sasuke, Sasuke! That's all you think about!"

She's told that Naruto has feelings for her and decides to use it to convince him to stop going after Sasuke. She does love him, but not in the way she's trying to confess. The love they share is one of comradery, not necessarily romantic. The love of two people who have gone through such pain together, and who have leaned on each other throughout it all. And the fact that she's turning around and saying she loves him "simply like everyone else", now... it's trivializing. And the fact that she's trying to convince him of this, the fact that she thinks she Can convince him of this, is pretty hurtful. They've come a long way from when they were kids, Naruto the goofball vying for her attention while she yelled at him for being stupid. Sakura respects Naruto so much more than before, and Naruto respects her too. So the fact that she's still doing this... She's desperate, really. She thinks the promise he made to her to bring Sasuke home is what's driving him to let himself be hurt over and over and over again in the pursuit and protection of Sasuke.

But she's wrong.

That may be part of it, but it's only part. Naruto wants Sasuke back for himself, too. He let himself be beat up to avoid selling him out. He chases after him with single minded determination. Sasuke is his entire drive to get stronger, to catch up, to bring him home. Sasuke, Sasuke, Sasuke indeed.

As it is, Naruto knows she's lying to herself. And no matter what she says, he will keep going after Sasuke. Because that's just the person that Naruto is.

[myheartisworstkindofweapon]

Hpd/bpd together fucking sucks, I'll feel undesirable or like I'm not the pinnacle of my One Person's attention and it ruins me from the inside out, Category 5 Breakdown, simultaneously suicidal and thinking of ripping him to pieces just because I don't feel like he actually wants me like come on calm down and then you wind up coping by going into a weird other episode where you go "These people are beneath you so you shouldn't give fuck, they're Stupid for not liking you as much as you like them" and then you go around Again-

[mariemariemaria]

i feel kinda crazy bc whenever i was a teenager i created this sorta imaginary older big sister who had moved out of the house so in my head i could live w her whenever i wanted bc she had survived it all and was independent and she would also just comfort me in a big sisterly way whenever something bad or upsetting happened and recently ive been going back to that at my big age 😭 and its kinda sad and also just wish fulfillment and also kinda scary bc i really used to think that by my age i'd have everything sorted but i really don't and i know that's normal and nobodies twenties are perfect but some people also have good relationships w their fathers which is crazy just to think about sooo

[hajihiko]

I love your art with platonic intimacy. My best friend is my favorite person and definitely who I see as my “significant other” in my life in that we are the most significant relationship to each other in a totally platonic way, and your art is the first time I saw that feeling expressed and it made me go “Yes! That’s how it feels!”

It also is just beautiful and funny and amazing and I love just going through all your stuff over and over to look at it

Dude hell yes. I truly enjoy the idea that my ideas resonate with ppl who feel the same way. If you have That Special Person in your life (romantic or not) goddamn appreciate it and don't let go.

[g0thsoojin]

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[bunnihearted]

🍓

[watercolor-hearts]

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