#and I’m the kinda butch who enjoys a debate

[beckyblah]

I will NOT discourse about dsmp in the year of our lord 2023!!!!!

[perenial]

Been questioning my gender for a bit now. As far as labels go, I'm not sure if I'm genderqueer or non-binary. I tried looking into it but ended up with more questions than answers. Is there a difference between the two? Are they similar? If you don't know the answer that's fine, I just thought I'd ask.

funnily enough this was originally one of the primary research questions for my phd! tl;dr it's kinda. hm. well,

genderqueer is a term that starting gaining traction in the 90s and its coinage is commonly attributed to activist riki wilchins, who used it in the spring 1995 edition of the transsexual menace. wilchins wrote that,

The fight against gender oppression has been joined for centuries, perhaps millennia. What’s new today is that it’s moving into the arena at open political activism. And nope, this is not just one more civil rights struggle for one more narrowly-defined minority. It’s about all of us who are genderqueer: diesel dykes and stone butches, leatherqueens and radical fairies, nelly fags, crossdressers, intersexed, transsexuals, transvestites, transgendered, transgressively gendered, and those of us whose gender expressions are so complex they haven’t even been named yet. Maybe us genderqueers feel it most keenly because it hits us each time we walk out the front door openly and proudly.

genderqueer was, and arguably still is, a politically-oriented identity marker that denotes those whose gender is queered in some way. in a later essay, wilchins highlighted that the term genderqueer was coined as a catch-all term for trans-aligned folks who didn't fit the highly medicalised narrative that dominated mainstream trans debates. interestingly, wilchins is specifically critical in this essay of those who would one day be termed transmedicalists, writing that

[...] transgender, a voice that originated from the margins, begun to produce its own marginalized voices. And in part because – as an identity organized around “transgression” – there is a growing debate over who is “most transgressive.” How does one decide such questions? For instance, as one transexual put it, “I’m not this part-time. I can’t hang my body in the closet and pass on Monday.” There is no doubt, from one perspective, that cross-dressers enjoy some advantages. They are large in numbers, most only dress occasionally, and they can do so in the privacy of their own homes. Does that mean they would live that way if they had a choice? Does it really make them “less transgressive”?

[...] Among genderqueer youth, it is no longer rare to hear complaints of being frozen out of transgender groups because they don’t want to change their bodies. In an identity that favors transexuals, changing one’s body has become a litmus test for transgression

sometime in the late 90s/early 2000s, genderqueer evolved into its own definitive identity instead of the umbrella term it was originally created to denote. it still retained its anti-assimilationist leanings and over the next decade was used as both as a single identity category and as a gender intensifier (i.e. genderqueer man, a man who engages with his gender in a queer way). for the most part – and i emphasise, for the most part – genderqueer folks from the early 2000s-onwards tended to not identify as transgender, instead viewing genderqueer as a separate relationship to gender and its transgressions that isn't covered by the binary trans umbrella (sidenote: this is remarkably hard to find online sources on and the one reference i remember off the top of my head is in a book in my office...,which is on the other side of town...and it's currently 1:30 in the morning.... so uh. either take this with a grain of salt or imagine i've put the actual reference in lmao)

now here's where it gets tricky.

the exact origin of the term non-binary is heavily debated. if we're talking about the literal word 'nonbinary', there are definitely mentions pre-2000s in reference to software modelling and associated computer tech stuff; for its association with gender and identity, the earliest mention i've found in my research is from the mid to late 2000s (again, my sources are all back at my office). the point is, though, that at some point in the 2000s this term – which, like genderqueer, originally functioned as an umbrella term – became the most prominent identifier to denote gender outside the western binary.

(fun fact: if u look for early resources on non-binary relating to gender & sexuality but not as a discrete gender label, u'll find a lot of stuff relating to 'nonbinary sexuality' – i.e. bi & pansexuality. see elizabeth, a. (2013), 'challenging the binary: sexual identity that is not duality', journal of bisexuality, 13:3 and callis, a. (2014), 'bisexual, pansexual, queer: non-binary identities and the sexual borderlands', sexualities, 17:1-2.)

(another fun fact: the nonbinary flag was specifically created by kye rowan in 2014 because nonbinary people didn't feel completely comfortable aligning with marilyn roxie's 2010 genderqueer flag. the nonbinary flag was never meant to replace the genderqueer flag , but rather to be "flown alongside it", which makes for a rly cool parallel to nonbinary & genderqueer themselves)

non-binary is......somewhat less political than genderqueer. because its origins are so murky we can't definitively say it was coined to denote an identity less anti-assimilationist than genderqueer, but from what we do know it's generally leveraged as neutral and all-encompassing. whether 'political neutrality' and 'queerness' are diametric opposites is a contentious debate and rests on some super western ideas of the political being so without really getting into it, the thing to take away is that nonbinary differs from genderqueer in that it refers to that which it is not – it isn't male or female, man or woman, queer or normative. genderqueer, by contrast, moves towards a gendered way of being that, while also being capable of existing outside the gender binary, has a more active, directional component.

......but that's not entirely it

because u'll find people who are non-binary who consider their gender a v queer thing (like me!) and genderqueer folks who don't align their gender with any political leanings. u'll get people who identify as both nonbinary and genderqueer, or one at some point and the other at a different point, or people whose gender falls outside the binary and don't use either term. u'll get nonbinary and genderqueer people who want to medically transition, nonbinary and genderqueer people who identify as transgender, nonbinary and genderqueer people who do want to align with the transnormative narrative that riki wilchins derided back in 2002.

and u know what? that's okay! this shit is super complicated! i'm doing an entire fucking phd on it and i still don't have my head wrapped around it all!!! gender is a slippery, highly contextual thing and while my job is to identify the patterns that emerge across communities, ur only job is to find something that makes sense to u. it doesn't matter if u change ur mind about the words u use to describe urself, or if u choose to do away with them altogether; it's fine if u cycle through a whole bunch of identifiers or stick with one from the very start. what matters is this: taking the time to know urself honestly and openly, and choosing to live in whatever way that feels right.

and tbh? the more u think about gender, the more questions u'll end up with. there's never a definitive answer and that's what makes the whole thing so fun (and stressful) to explore

[midnight-fox-boy]

More About me/Views/Etc.

Hello everyone~! This post will explain more about me, my views, and anything I flnd important to add. This will be kinda long so please buckle up ;3 

General Information

Age: 19 

Gender: Demifluidflux trans guy 

Pronouns: He/him, they/them is cool too

Sexual orientations: Gay, Demisexual

Romantic orientations: Gay, Demiromantic

Alterous Orientation: Homoalterous

Other: Polyamorous

Relationship status: Taken

I love anime, video games, drawing, singing, and just browsing the web. I like to learn new topics, and explore new ideas and sciences. I want to be a therapist someday, but if it doesn’t happen, that’s chill too. I’m polyamorous currently in a monoamorous relationship. I don’t usually participate in discourse but I do have opinions/views on different topics. I am mentally ill and prefer not to be attacked. If I do something wrong or say something offensive, I don’t mean it, or I’m simply uneducated on the topic when I thought I was. I’m happy to take polite criticsm and never mean to do harm to others. So nothing I say is ill-intended. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Views on certain discourse topics

Aspec Discourse: I believe that aromantics and asexuals are inherently LGBTQ+ and should be welcomed. However, it’s up to them if they choose to identify with LGBTQ+ or not. 

Nonbinary discourse. Yes there are more than two genders. And no it doesn’t mean “Neither male or female” Nonbinary means: “Not explicitly a single binary gender” Which can mean someone can be both binary genders, one binary gender and other nonbinary genders, no binary gender, etc etc. So yes. I CAN be a guy and nonbinary. 

Xenogenders: I may not be able to comprehend it 100% But I KNOW that gender is diverse and confusing and you can label your gender however you want. Just be you! You have my support.

Nonbinary Gays/Nonbinary lesbians: YES nonbinary people can be gay or lesbian. Many of them are nonbinary women or men. Meaning they identify with womanhood/manhood no matter how that is. Maybe they have a primarily woman or man gender, maybe they’re man/woman aligned. Whatever. You do not get to dictate who is gay enough or lesbian enough :) 

(NO)MAPS: Are scum. Do not interact, do not pass go, do not collect 200 dollars.If you support them then get the f**k off my blog please! I am a CSA survivor and will NOT tolerate pedophilia.

Am I a transmed/truscum? Am a tucute?: Well, no. I’m none of those. I do not believe dysphoria is required to be trans. As many studies show gender incongruence is all you need, dysphoria manifests in some trans people as a result of incongruence. Gender euphoria also exists. This is not a topic I would like to debate. However, I do believe that dysphoria or incongruence should be medicalized in SOME form in order for trans people to be able to get gender affirming treatments. (Hormones, surgeries). I would love to live in a world where those things are free regardless, however :/ (P.S. I am dysphoric)

Kink/BDSM: Well. I participate in BDSM and kink, but I do not post about it or discuss on my blog. I have spaces for that and this isn’t one of them. So no worries about running into any kinky posts on my blog. That wont happen. If it ever does, it was an accident. 

Transtrenders: I DO believe that RARELY, some cis people will pretend to be trans, not necessarily as a “trend” but to gain something in return, usually online. They may use it as an excuse to chase other trans people, or to have more “power” in a trans based argument. However, when people are accused of being trenders, they are usually not, they are just not what YOU feel gender should be. And people who fear they’re trenders? Impossible. You would know if you were faking. 

Self Diagnosis: I’m divided on this. You shouldn’t self diagnose many things. Like a heart condition, or cancer, or other extremes. But if you know you’re depressed all the time and can’t see a therapist, you probably have depression. If you haven’t been diagnosed with PTSD but experienced something trauamtic and show symptoms of PTSD, You probably have PTSD. If you were confirmed to likely have a certain mental illness but perhaps didn’t fit the “age requirements” for said diagnosis, you can probably take that as an unofficial diagnosis. As long as aren’t flaunting it to seem “cool” (and most don’t) and are using those self dx’s to find help resources online and such, you’re probably good. 

Fujoshis: Touchy topic I know. I do not agree when this word is used in specific contexts.

1) when girls think MLM relationships are “hot/sinful/sexy/dirty” , especially IRL MLM relationships, I think that’s fetishization, much like how many cishet men view WLW relationships  2) when it’s directed as a hate word towards gay trans men. I’ve been called a fujoshi for being a gay trans guy, and many of you probably have to. It’s wrong y’all. Gay trans men are gay men. Gay nonbinary men are gay men. 

Pansexual vs. Bisexual: Both are valid labels. All multisexual labels are valid. Labels are for you to feel comfortable with, and as long as you aren’t choosing one over the other due to biphobia/internilized homophobia, you’re probably good. Bisexual attracted to all genders? Valid. Pansexual with preferences? valid. Bisexual attracted to many genders? Valid. Pansexual and feeling attraction regardless of gender? Valid. Bisexual and identify the same way? Valid! 

Genital preference: Another touchy topic! The sad truth is that genitals DO matter to many people. Maybe it’s from truama, or an actual repulsion to a genital set. However, it should never EVER be used to excuse transphobia. You can not want to date a trans person who is pre-op, that’s fine, your loss not theirs. However, you cannot use that genital preference to see them as lesser, or as not “real” men/women. I personally have a preference for penises, but it’s only a preference. I would still potentially date a trans guy who is pre-op or never-op, but I prefer penises. But as I’m also gay, I likely wouldn’t date a trans woman who is pre-op/no-op. Because well, she’s a woman. So to summarize, genital preferences are OK as long as you aren’t a dick about it, or transphobic. :) 

Trans people and gender conformity: Alrighty. This is a favorite topic of mine. Do trans people owe gender conformity? Do nonbinary people OWE people androgyny? Nope. Cisgender people are gender-nonconforming all the time without dysphoria. We see butch cis women and Fem cis dudes all the time. So I say, why do trans men and women owe something different? While it is true that early in transition being GNC CAN cause dysphoria, that isn’t always the case. Early in transition I usually avoided feminine things and interests unless I was in the comfort of my home, but now I’m open to, and embrace my feminine and androgynous side. I’m in no way a woman, I just happen to enjoy some stereotypical feminine things. Many trans men do. As for nonbinary people, they can present however they want. Androgynous, feminine, masculine, fluid presentation, mixing it up, genderf**k, whatever. Their body, their choice. Sometimes you may be able to “tell” someone is nonbinary by looking at them, and that’s totally okay. There is no “looking nonbinary”. All looks on a nonbinary person are nonbinary. 

Anti/Anti-Anti?: Honestly I’m still confused in all of that stuff. Fiction CAN and HAS affected reality. That’s not to say that you can’t enjoy certain thinsg seen as “taboo” but there is a line that shouldn’t be crossed. PEDOPHILIA. You should not write, nor consume, fiction that presents a CHILD with an ADULT. It’s true that some pedophiles will write these to bring minors in and harass them. Even then, it gives stories for those sick f**ks to read. Do you REALLY want a pedophile reading your story? I guess I’m anti-ish. You can enjoy things that are otherwise problematic as long as you don’t let it affect how you treat people in the real world. Maybe you liked reading that fictional story about kidnapping and got off to it or something weird like that, as long as you aren’t trying to kidnap anyone or shit like that, I guess you do you, keep it to yourself though.

“NB” - Nonbinary or Non-black?: I went with POC voices on this. I will no longer use “NB” to mean nonbinary on my blog. You will likely just see “nonbinary” or “enby” used by me. 

Aspec, autistic spectrum or Asexual/aromantic spectrum?: I’ve seen very little evidence or claim on the side of “autistic spectrum” being the term. Many responses ive seen and sources claim it means asexual/aromantic spectrum, and has even been echoed by autistic people, a lot of them. If I see evidence suggetsing otherwise, I’m happy to change my language. I don’t want to be ableist. 

Butch/Femme, lesbian terms only?: I say no. I’ve seen a lot of articles, personal accounts, and history on the use of butch and femme. And none suggest they were terms only used by lesbians. From what I can tell, this idea seemed to be spread by “radical” lesbians and TERF’s. In history, many lesbians tried to distance themselves from all men, and encouraged non-lesbian women not to associate with men. This is obviously just a small tidbit of what they did in that time. However, I personally don’t use butch or femme, and don’t really plan to.

Specifically “weird” or crazy seeming kinks/BDSM styles: All I say is, you do you. If all parties are adults and consent to it, good on you. Just, keep it to yourself or in spaces dedicated to those things. As long as you don’t get off to ACTUAL CHILDREN, or try to bone or jerk it to an animal, you’re probably okay. Also don’t do incest, that stuff is bad. 

!!If there’s a discourse topic you’d like to see here, you can PM me or send me an ask. I’m happy to shed my opinions on stuff, but they will go here!!

[adventuresloane]

Lup, Raven Queen, Barry, Ango and totally Ren. ;) maybe sloane also! For the HC meme❤️

(for this meme)

Kat this is……SO many oh my lord. I’m gonna put most of theseunder a cut!!!  You’re a doll tho thanksfor all the asks.

Lup:

A) What I think realistically: I love the idea that,contrary to popular belief, she’s the younger twin! When they were kids, Taakowould always be the one who had to get her out of the trouble she got herselfinto. Taako’s always been a bit more pragmatic, but Lup just couldn’t standdisrespect towards her or her brother and would always address it. She stood upto people and probably bit off more than she could chew a number of times,meaning Taako had to help her out of a tight spot.

B) What is fucking hilarious to me: Lup at one point had apretty major crisis in her life because she loves to cook for people anddesperately wanted to show her affection for Barry by cooking for him, but.This man has lived off late-night hot pockets out of his laboratory microwavefor years. He doesn’t have a palette. One time she overheard him call ketchupspicy and she just kind of stared at the wall for five minutes. She spent manyan evening slaving over recipe books to try to find SOMETHING decent that thisuncultured man would actually enjoy.

C) What is heart-crushing and awful but fun to inflict onfriends: She’s got…a number of lingering issues after her release from theumbrella. There’s a lot of talk about how she develops claustrophobia, andwhile I think that’s certainly true, I think another thing that leaves hershaken is the utter darkness inside the staff. Before she was able to get herpowers back to create fire, the darkness in there must have been absolute andchilling. Imagine how long she lay there entirely blind and unable to make outanything. I don’t think she can sleep with the lights off anymore. She alwaysat least leaves the hall light on outside the bedroom, but even that’s notenough much of the time, and she often plays with a little fireball in herhands until she can’t keep her eyes open anymore, so that she knows there’sstill light where she is.

D) What would never work with canon but the canon is shit soI believe it anyway: Griffin says that the Legato performance was the firsttime the rest of the IPRE crew realized that Barry and Lup were in love butcome the fuck on. These guys??? They’re so incredibly obvious and crazy foreach other. Even if they didn’t tell their family explicitly EVERYONE knew forYEARS.

Raven Queen

A) Every raven in Faerun is at her beck and call. The birdshave a bit of magic to them inherently and find it easy to slip from plane toplane. She’ll dispatch them to carry messages or keep an eye on things for herand report back. She VERY rarely comes to the mortal planes, but you can alwaystell when she’s on her way. Thousands of ravens circle together tightly in thesky, their iridescent wings shining, and from the almost blinding andotherworldly shimmer a portal forms through which she comes.

B) Has motherly instincts towards Kravitz but no concept ofwhat being a parent to a former mortal actually entails. At what age does onestop picking up mortal children? 35? Her idea of mother-son bonding is enactinga blood oath. She’s trying her best.

C) Kravitz became her “ward” of sorts when he begged andprayed to her for months on end to spare his sick mother and take his lifeinstead—he made a brave trade and she respected him for it, hence his positionas a reaper.

D) She grants Magnus a “limited” amount of extra time livinghappily with Julia in the afterlife but honestly do you think she’ll ever makethem stop living in that little cabin? Heck, do you really think she’s going tokeep their friends from leaving the sea of souls to visit them whenever???She’s willing to turn a blind eye to their little party for the rest ofeternity.

Barry

A) He is just……so visibly huggable tbh. You look at him andyou’re like, “That’s a man who’d be good to just hug for a little while. Chubbysoft belly. Just a teddy bear of a man.

B) The boy is a classic academic research scientist, whichis to say a damn mess. He’ll periodically crop his hair short but then won’tbother to get it cut again for months on end because he’s too busy, so it growsout all wild and looks a mess. He has one (1) mug he keeps on his desk and likenever washes because it’s always filled with coffee anyway. Shows up to work ina stained T-shirt because it’s not like anyone’s paying attention to him whenhe’s locked up in his lab all day anyway. Grody science man.

C) Next to Taako, he’s the one who takes the longest toforgive Lucretia, and I sort of think he never completely gets over what shedid. Unlike everyone else in the IPRE crew, he was deliberately isolated fromthe rest of his family AND HE WAS AWARE OF IT. That’s fucked up, and he learnedto hate Lucretia for awhile, and that’s not the kind of thing that can beerased as soon as Story & Song is over. He can barely look her in the eyefor awhile.

D) He does NOT have a mullet do not to my boy dirty likethis.

Angus

A) All this debate over Magnus or Taako or Lucretia orwhoever the fuck adopts Angus post-S&S? Screw that noise. It’s not like anyof the adult figures in his life AREN’T walking disasters as individuals—it’sonly together that they’re sort of capable of functioning. That’s why he haslike twenty parents and splits his time between like five different houses,inside each of which he has his own room and where he is welcome at all hoursof the day and night. That kid is living the dream.

B) Absolutely drops f-bombs on purpose knowing that it willscandalize the adults he talks to. This boy is a delight and has never doneanything wrong but he is NOT the innocent little one everyone thinks! Sneakyboy!

C) Gotta be honest, I don’t have the heart to actuallyimagine Angus having any suffering inflicted upon him, BUT I do like the ideaof Taako being lowkey terrified every time he goes off on his own/tries toconduct an investigation that has a chance of being dangerous. He tries not toshow it and definitely plays it cool when Angus comes back safe every time, buthe’s got so very few people he feels really connected to and he doesn’t want tolose one of them (again).

D) Controversial, but he remains a shrimpy nerdboy foreverand does not get to be buffer than Magnus sorry.

Ren

A) Hot take: she’s a soft butch. My evidence? I know a bunchof butches named Ren and also she just gives off those Lesbian Vibes. Butch Ren2k19.

B) She is…small. Just so short, even by the standards ofelves, which are on average smaller than humans. It might be partly because she’sa Drow, since I personally headcanon that they don’t grow quite as big, buteven then she’s just. A little creacher. She has to use a spoon to knock downthings from shelves that everyone else in the tavern can easily reach. Cassidyjokingly uses her head as an armrest.

C) Her family is definitely still around and definitely wereoutside of Refuge when the barrier was created around the town and they justhad no way whatsoever of contacting her. They aged while time didn’t touch her.

D) This is more in opposition to D&D lore than to theTAZ canon, but I personally don’t like to think that Ren ever faced anyprejudice for being a dark elf. The whole idea of the Drow being cursed and 99%of them being evil is, imo, very tired (not to mention racist), so I just don’twant that being a part of her story. I think maybe Underdark elves have a bitof a reputation in the surface realms for being kind of staid and dour, so inthat way Ren defies some conventions by being her bubbly self. But aside fromthat, she never had an issue with anyone thinking less of her or hating her forbeing a Drow.

And fuck it, I know I did Sloane already but I have gothbirb headcanons coming out of my ass so I’ll do her again.

A) Tbh I like to think that her alias is something she put alot of thought into and something she identifies really strongly with. Like,ravens are obviously just objectively cool and fit the goth aesthetic she’sgoing for, but also I think growing up in Goldcliff (which I picture as beingjust like the American Southwest) she had a lot of experience observing themand felt kind of a kinship with them (and probably fed them to get them tofollow her around tbh). In some folklore, ravens are considered shapeshifterson account of how the sun reflects off their wings and makes them look likethey’re changing shape. I think that by assuming the persona of the Raven, shebecomes something more than what she appears to be, and it’s a bit of escapismfor her. (Also, ravens are known to be family-oriented and mate for life sothat proves fitting later on…)

B) It kinda breaks my heart whenever people draw her (orhalf-elves in general) with shorter/smaller ears than full-blooded elves,because in my head hers are long and twitchy! She’s pretty good at hiding howshe feels and not giving away too much with her body language, so her ears don’tnecessarily move around a ton to express how she’s feeling, but they doinvoluntarily react to sound, e.g. perking up when she hears a sudden noise.Hurley finds this adorable and exploits it to no end—like snapping her fingersnext to one of Sloane’s ears and then the other to make them pique alternatelyuntil Sloane finally gets fed up.

C) This is kind of more of a headcanon for half-elves ingeneral, but I remember seeing a post awhile back that said something along thelines of “D&D cryptid: a half-elf with a good relationship with theirfamily.” It was funny, but it did get me thinking: what’s a good narrativejustification for this? One of the answers, I think, is that half-elves grow ata rate that must be completely bewildering for their elven parents. They reachmaturity at around 20, compared to a full-blooded elf becoming an adult ataround 100. There’s probably a lot of potential for friction there as elvenparents are unable to handle or understand their kids as they mature soquickly. Plus, most half-elves don’t outlive their elf parents, and knowing you’remore than likely going to bury your kid one day has got to be hard. I think allof this was sort of the situation for Sloane growing up, and it was the sourceof a lot of the isolation she felt as a child.

D) She has big biker energy and actually prefers motorcyclesto battlewagons and that’s the tea.

LAWD this was a lot. Hope you like them!!!

[system-architect]

i can’t rememb if i already sent an ask but if not could u mayhaps do peej

u did send an ask which i will get to in a second but i am gonna happily do pj anyway!!

Personal

1)      Age? he’s 24 and a big shit who’s weirdly conscious about being 24 despite the fact that thats sTILL YOUNG so he lies and tells people he’s 21

2)      Gender? trans gay trans gay trans gay. he’s a very GnC trans guy who hasn’t transitioned too much bc he likes how he is

3)      Romantic/Sexual Orientation? gay... he’s a big gay. loves men

4)      Height? he’s 2′10″ aka min height haha pj small

5)      Race? asura and like metaphorically a fckn demon

6)      What do they look like? (i.e, hair color, eye color, etc). like a bush baby.......... uhhh he’s a very small lithe asura with wild ass fckn scene tier spiked up hair and his eyes are Indeed freakishly huge and he’s got sort of piebald esque markings and he’s also got spots of black pigment on his tongue and gums like some dogs do! i’m just gonna link art again

7)      Any disabilities? tbh he might have occasional breathing issues from his eye size and the constant vaping. also.. Some Stuff Happens During PoF but its not anything conventional that you might be expecting...

8)      Is there a meaning to their name? nope OOPS that one asura name generator spat it out at me actually! it stuck and i thought it was a weirdly funny name for an asura while also sounding p decent

9)      What makes them, them? he’s this image:

10)   What do they want to be when they grow up/what do they want to do with their lives? tbh his life is very stagnated atm and he’s not sure what he wants. to keep surviving, he guesses

Family

11)   Do they have parents? What are they like and how do they act with their child(ren)? he’s an orphan! his parents are unknown... he was raised in an orphanage by this very prim and proper asuran lady who was very secretly kind of a party gal on the side

12)   Do they have siblings? How do they interact with them? again, orphan, so family questions are hard to answer cus he doesn’t know anything about em

13)   Extended family? Do they see them often?

14)   Do they like where they live? (Is it a safe place?) he has A Flat up inbetween arkentia valley and magus valley in rata sum (i pretend there’s more out there than there actually is jhkfgd) which is also near where the glitch is located! it is fairly safe and he is quite fond of it, although he’s at the club most of the time

15)   Where do they live? Are they wealthy? Poor? Middle-Class? i just kinda answered this but he has Money honestly....... running a luxury nightclub that’s a front for your shady information trading business will do that for ya huh

16)   Do they have a lot of expectations/pressure on them from family to do great? the orphanage owner wanted all her little adoptee children to be Starlets and tried to teach them proper etiquette and get them into refined fields........... pj is successful but in the most opposite way from this possible

17)   Do they have pets? nope and thats probably for the better

18)   Who do they look up to the most/are the closest to in their family?

19)   This there anything special about their family?

20)   Do they wish they lived in a different family/household? he’s constantly torn about like... the concept of having blood relatives out there [hopefully]........ he’s not sure if he wants to know about them or not, if he would’ve rather been raised by them or not. it’s alluring but scary

Friends

21)   Best Friend(s)? his best friend is Kinda his ‘secretary’, kessa, who is a whispers agent plant in his club that helps him run the place in exchange for siphoning information from it. PJ is aware she’s whispers and kessa is aware he’s aware she’s whispers and they have a tentative and tense but friendly??? bond. it’s like, thin ice all the time but they’re also quite close. both her and pj are savvy and sort of take turns greasing the wheels of their various dealings; i think kessa is a bit bolder and craftier than pj and more organized oops. as far as kessa as a person, she’s a tall butch with cherry red dyed hair and she goes by the nickname ‘lucky’ due to the shamrock shaped marking over her right eye. she prefers masc looking clothing and she has a suave flirty personality with a quick wit and a snarky teasing sense of humor

22)   Who was their first friend? hgjkfdgh he’s never had many friends unfortunately. he tends to drive people away...

23)   What is their friend group like? a lot of people hang around him for general exterior motives like money and status.. not many people genuinely like him

24)   Do they have a love/hate relationship with any of them? like everyone................... ‘i need you but i dont like you’ etc

25)   Do they consider any of their friends to be like siblings?

26)   Have they ever hurt a friend or lost one? definitely a lot. he’s a very abrasive person who can get fussy and picky and two-faced

27)   Do they have a crush on any of their friends? alas yeah half of pjs ‘friends’ are people he wants to smooch but its in a very vapid fashion.... even w/ deeper crushes pj isnt gonna be gettin any genuine love

28)   Do they share classes with good friends?

29)   Whom do they go to the most when they need a shoulder to cry on? he might drunk cry to viel or kessa and i dont think either would know what to do about it

30)   What would this person do without their friends in their lives? despite having shallow ‘friendships’ a lot of his self esteem revolves around popularity and being well-liked so he’d be... super crushed

School

31)   What grade are they in? If they aren’t in school, how come? he got like 30% of the way thru statics courses for political science and dropped out because he hated school... he was naturally savvy and talented with debate and an excellent candidate for a worthless weasel-y politician who can screw anyone over within a sentence but he just hated the whole school system and didn’t fit with it and getting into arcane politics wasn’t something he really enjoyed, it was all super backstabby but simultaneously Goody Two Shoes and he haaated it

32)   Do/Did they like their teachers? Was there a good one? Bad one? he probably butted heads with all of them and hated being told what to do

33)   Do/Did they listen to their teachers or are/where they goofing off a lot? definitely goofed off and didn’t care. he was good at stuff when he was asked to actually do stuff so why bother paying attention to boring stuff he already knows?

34)   Are/Where they a good student grade wise? stellar marks on very specific fields and tests and debates where the school system actually lined up with his talents but terrible marks otherwise

35)   Do/Did they need extra help? he was probably arbitrarily assigned a tutor due to his low marks but was uninterested in actually being helped and was a catty piece of shit the whole time

36)   What is/was their school like?

37)   Do/Did they have bullies in school? he’s a terrible worthless rat trash man and there was probably gossip that flew around about him but he loved hunting it down and intimidating the daylights out of the people who started it. even as a child he was a notorious drama monger and tattletale so it’s kinda in his nature. pj is a literally terrible person i’m so sorry to anyone who likes him for w/e reason

38)   Have they ever gotten into a fight at school? probably not many physical ones altho he’s def been punched a few times. most of his fights were probably weird high strung drama that contained a lot of passive aggression and counter-gossip and maybe some good ol fashioned blackmail

39)   Have they ever done something stupid/embarrassing at school? hard to categorize bc he’s a walking embarrassment

40)   How far do they plan to go with school? If they dropped out, do they want to go back? he dropped out and has literally 0% intentions of going back ever. and not as a char development thing either-- he’s never going to want to go back even if he improves as a person. it’s not his thing

Other

41)   Are they dating anyone? Do they want to date? Are the married? Divorced? pj pretends he’s shallow and only wants A Good Time but a bit more under the surface he’s absolutely desperate for more genuine bonds and wants Love And Affection and pretends ppl love him when they’re makin out idk. he’s a sad sad man

42)   What is their favorite hobby? Do they keep it a secret? he’s a boring egg who should probably pick up a hobby

43)   If they could have one thing in life, what would it be? what he’ll say he wants is like, more money/successful business but what he Needs is a kick in the ass to work on improving himself and to earn some friends who genuinely like him and to find a Meaning for himself

44)   Do they work? If so, what is it? If not, are they looking for one or even want one? shady information traderrrr he deals in secrets and identities of the asuran underworld

45)   Do they use social media? probably uses asuran instagram and snapchat

46)   Have they ever been in the hospital? probably for some very dumb injuries tbh

47)   Do they believe in the supernatural, that there is more than the eye can see? again weird Q in context of gw2 but superstitions... he’ll claim he’s logical but he’s prone to suggestion wrt this stuff and a huge chicken

48)   What do they do when they get angry, stressed, or upset? cry on bathroom floor with bottle of wine

49)   Would they consider themselves as a good person, bad person, or morally grey? i think he avoids thinking about this too in depth bc he knows he’s a bad person haha..... he’s a bit messed up atm because this doesn’t motivate him to improve despite knowing it. he’s just kinda... yeah im awful so what if you cant take the heat then get out of the kitchen

50)   Does this OC have any part of you in them? (I.e, personality traits, similar background, etc) yeah he’s a bit representative of the time period of my life where i was overfocused on Being Hurt and wallowed a lot in my trauma and i felt i was justified in being a pretty nasty person for whatever plethora of reasons, but i was stagnating and it was all hurting me really badly even if i wasn’t ready to accept that it was hurting me. i felt a huge sense of impending doom and not knowing what to do with my life or if i’d ever get better...

[ashtraythief]

I debated chiming in here, but the finale is still giving me so many feelings, so here are my two cents. I consider myself a bibro, because I love the brothers’ bond and I love Sam, but I’m under no illusion that I am absolutely Dean-leaning. He has been, and will forever be my favorite.

I’m going to front this whole thing by echoing what others have said, my perfect dream ending was always both of them going out swinging. I have a penchant for the whole Sundance/Butch Cassidy thing. But I did like the finale (the original script would have been kinda meh but Jared and Jensen really elevated it to the best possible version of that it could be).

And I think for Dean, as a character, this was the best possible ending. Now, obviously Dean did not want to die that day, in that barn. But it was okay, because Dean has always, always said he wanted to go out swinging, and that never changed. The show was consistent on many things in canon, but Dean always knew how his life would end and he was always okay with that happening eventually. Sam was the one looking at retirement brochures, thinking about a long life. Dean never did. not for himself at least. Dean’s happy ending was Sam having a life. Fucked up and broken? Absolutely. But that’s Dean. And I think if we want to imagine the best ending for a character, we need to consider what the character would want, not what we want. But I also think that this is honestly the best possible version. If we go through other possible endings, I think they’re all worse.

Scenario one: instead of Dean, Sam dies. I think we can all imagine how that goes. Dean would never stop grieving, would never stop blaming himself and feeling like a failure. First time Sam died? He sold his soul. He let him go at the end of Swan Song because Sam basically begged him to let him redeem himself for setting Lucifer free. Sacrifice where Sam dies to save the world from demons forever? Lol, screw the world, they can live with demons as long as Dean has his brother. The mark of Cain? Let’s kill death instead. Red Meat? Let’s make a last ditch effort to make a deal with a reaper Dean knows doesn’t like him so Sam doesn’t stay dead. I don’t even know what he would’ve done when Sam was killed by the vamps in the alternate universe. No, Sam dying would have been horrific for Dean, and he would either drink himself to death or recklessly commit suicide by monster on a hunt. There’d be no Lisa again to barely save him, not after the last three years of the Dabb era gave us domestic,” I’m good with who we are” brothers (the one good thing Dabb did as showrunner imo).

Scenario two: Sam and Dean grow old together. They’d keep hunting, living in the bunker. It would be fine. Good even. Dean would have many good years, decades even. But sooner or later, the injuries would get too many, his reflexes would slow. Never mind that Dean realistically would have to suffer from astronomic cholesterol and die from a heart attack at sixty-four. Just imagine, Dean Winchester, killed by bacon cheeseburgers. Even if that’s not the case and they grow old, he would grow old. And I firmly believe that Dean would absolutely hate that. Not because of the old thing (which he’d hate like any person who’s fit and active all their life and is forced to slow down or can’t do things anymore), but because he’d feel useless. Dean wouldn’t be happy becoming a man of letters or becoming a new Bobby. Dean would feel useless, helpless, especially when there are so many monsters left to kill. Forced into retirement, I believe Dean would hate it.

(As much as I enjoy the curtain fic where Dean becomes a mechanic and has his own garage with Sam keeping the books, that’s something I occasionally enjoy, but I don’T think Dean would. Zacharia wasn’t wrong when he said Dean loved hunting, through and through. For the fun of it, and for the purpose, for the impact of saving people. Honestly, watch out for Sammy and saving people, hunting things are at the chore of Dean’s character, and I think only half of that was John’s influence, if even that. Dean’s a natural caretaker, a natural savior and sacrificer with a mile wide hedonistic streak that makes hunting the perfect lifestyle for him).

Going back to Sam dying or Dean growing old, both things that I think Dean would find horrific on different levels, I think the only place Dean can find peace is heaven. No monsters to hunt, no people in danger. And let’s be real, after he died, he had like two minutes of pouting that Sam wasn’t there and heaven wasn’t perfect (only you, Dean), then he got to ride around in Baby for the duration of a Kansas song and poof, Sam was there. And not thirty-eight year old Sam. No, the Sam who’d had a life. (Remember when Dean said his perfect ending was Sam having a life, the white picket fence with the wife and the kids? yeah) Sam who had some sort of job, some sort of relationship, and a son. Who he named Dean and taught about the supernatural. I mean, the legacy of this. Dean was right during his barn monologue, he was with his brother every day. His brother, who kept his memory alive and honored it in the best possible way, who even took care of Baby, who did all the things Dean ever wanted for him. Even though it was Dean who died, I think it was Sam who suffered more in the finale. It was Sam who was left behind on earth for thirty something years, who buried his brother and grieved. Yes, Dean died, but he got a Kansas song in heaven before being reunited with Sam. Dean had his pie and he got to eat it too. (The story of Supernatural, at least in the beginning, was always the tragedy of Sam Winchester, the cursed baby, the boy king, his pride and his fall and his redemption, told through the eyes of Dean as the emotional anchor of the show. Not saying that Dean didn’t do things, wasn’t important, because of course he was, he was the other side of the coin, the doomed protector who tried everything, gave everything, but in the end still had to let go and let his baby brother jump in that hole. I mean, supernatural got brighter and less scary, but the true horror of Swan Song, my lord, it’s fucking horrific. And because that’s how supernatural started, I think it was so good that Sam ended his life “normal”, and Dean got rewarded with a warrior’s death and a place in heaven. Obviously the narrative structure changed in later seasons, but I’m a die-hard old school spn girl and not too impressed with what later showrunners did, so.)

And yes, Dean’s death was unbelievably sad. It was a waste, it was way too early. Would I wish they’d made it clear that more time had passed, so Dean got years instead of months? Of course. Dean deserved happiness on earth too. But it’s not like he’s going to be unhappy in heaven (I also think that occasionally, they’ll find a way back down to earth when someone is in need of a Winchester special, legendary hunters from years past who answer the call when someone says a desperate prayer at their shrine, the still gleaming frame of baby cared for in a barn by Sam’s son and his descendants.)

I get wanting the best for our favorite characters, and I get that we want for our characters things we think would be the perfect ending. But I think Dean himself was pretty pleased with how things worked out in the end. And the other thing is, narratively, it made sense. Supernatural is still a horror show. I know they occasionally forgot that, turned way too bright and soapy, but supernatural was always about despair, fighting the impossible fight, losing more often than not only to be rewarded in the end—but always with a price to pay. I mean, Swan Song? Sacrifice? Hell, purgatory, alternate universes, all the friends and family they buried? Giving the boys a ride off into the sunset ending after all of that, I think, would have felt hollow and untrue to the show. They made the sacrifice. It wasn’t all play under Chuck with no stakes where they’re brought back to life again and again. Sam and Dean were true heroes because they were willing to make the sacrifice, put their life on the line for strangers over and over again, and in the end, paying the price, makes it real. Makes it true. It’s like Tony Stark in Endgame. Some heroes can only ever rest in death. And if death means riding around your favorite car—your home—with your brother by your side forever with the option to visit all the people you loved in the gorgeous landscape that is Vancouver? That’s a pretty good way to rest I think.

Sorry for the long ramble. Like I said, still all the feelings 😅

Tl;Dr: I think Dean’s death was tragic and painful and fitting for the show and the character. They honored his bravery and his sacrifice by making it real and, as Kansas said, there’ll be peace when you are done and Dean would never have been done on earth. He wouldn’t have been able to rest or retire. Yeah, he should have had more years on earth, but the way his death hurt, so good, my god, the way it meant something, I still tear up if I see more than six consecutive gifs of the barn scene on my dash. And that is a masterfully told ending befitting Dean’s larger-than-life, incredibly heroic, broken, vulnerable, strong, funny, stubborn, resilient, loving , sacrificing and just plain old awesome character.

Are there any Dean stans/Dean girls out there who really liked the finale? I really wish I didn't still hate it, you guys, but I just... Hate it. I hate it. :\

And the people I see who really liked it are Sam stans. Which is lovely for them, truly. But are there any die hard Dean girls out there who can explain why I should like it? Please?

[thequeerme-blog1]

Andro? Femme? Butch?

The one about pigeon-holing in the Queer community.

According to the Cambridge dictionary a label is a piece of paper or other material that gives you info about the object it is attached to.

We all wear invisible labels all the time. What if they were real though? As in letters stamped on our wrists. Instead of being a UK 12, you’d have an A (for Andro), F (Femme), B (Butch), D (Dyke), SL (Sporty Lesbian), G (Geek)… Watch out Charlie Brooker, I see a Queer Mirror here!

Some people might think that a few we have pretty obvious ones, like wearing a wristband I must say; although others have semi-hidden labels on their neck, and some invisible ones at their back. I label, you label, they label. Active voice. I am labelled, you are labelled, they are labelled. Passive. Getting the grammar now, right?

I’m not having a Black Mirror vision or giving a grammar lesson though. I’ve just felt the urge to write about pigeonholing as since I’m single the question I’m asked the most is… WHAT-IS-YOUR-TYPE?, believe me I’ve heard it way more times than ARE-YOU-SPANISH? (which is worrying as I could be Sofia Vergara’s second cousin, sometimes my own close friends don’t get me).

What is surprising is that when I came out in London, as a femme, my lesbian mates would just assume that I was into masculine (or less feminine) types. They, obviously, would change their mind when getting to know my personality. Again, Chet Faker sings talk is cheap… and it is free, I’d add. We talk too much a listen too little!

Tell me how’s your haircut that I’ll tell you who you gotta fancy!

A few weeks ago, however, I had an interesting and yet short chat (blame the DJ!) with someone who defended labels as a way to introduce yourself to the world (hetero-normative world, especially). I am vegan, I am a lesbian, I am a designer, I am a cyclist, I am a dancer, I am a socialite, I am a geek, and so on… Sounds about right. Labels make us feel secure. It’s like the skills you’d highlight in a cover letter when applying for a job. I have sound understanding of Final Cut, I am bilingual, I am enthusiastic. You make people realise who you are and what you want. Hence, what they can expect from you. In my personal-slash-love life, it saves me a lot of time with guys. I don’t like being hit on by lads. Sorry (not sorry) to be blunt but I had to put up with it for years; and no, it’s not arrogance, it was annoyance. You don’t need to be hot, beautiful and young; with two boobs and a pussy you’re likeable/hittable enough (against your will). Nowadays, however, I must say they rarely harass me. I guess it’s not acceptable just yet for lads to be into andro-girls.

Back in late spring, I had a similar debate with a (now) good friend of mine, although applied to the Queer community. It was an epic convo on a night bus, more entertained than watching the US elections. I obviously like questioning everything, starting by myself, plus pushing boundaries to make people/myself think. Today I kinda get her point and must admit she’s one of the few lesbians l’ve known who’s truly labels-free and independent. She really falls for the gay person, aside from her look, role, tag, etc.

The real issue is not to label yourself but to label others and, therefore, patronise, judge and assume their behaviours/interactions. You can call yourself andro, as I definitely do again and again, I’m free to do so if that’s what I identify with. Although it does not imply I follow the andro user guide.

Shouldn’t a queer community be more open-minded and less judgemental? However, we stereotype each other and proclaim what we are/aren’t allowed to do/feel/think. You are ANDRO (stamp!). You are FEMME (stamp!). You two pair together.

Hello Andro. Hello Femme. Welcome to your new homo-normative world! Please help yourselves to some hetero-types available for you in that box. They are ordered by topics. What are your roles in bed is one of the hottest and most consulted. It’ll be quite useful in your relationship from now on. After a read, feel free to practise with this strap-on that you Andro will always use and you Femme never (presumably). It doesn’t matter what your likes are, this is how we function here. It’s time for you to play now. Femme always remember you ought to wait, whereas Andro you do all the manual labours. Enjoy your new life!

Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Queer Mirror.

Hence, you can guess who’s the most invisible, forgotten and even ignored character, gay girls with feminine/straight looks. Whilst listening to a few, I came to the conclusion that, after the suffered bisexual woman, the less understood, respected, listened to, is the feminine lesbian. They/we talk about them as if they were the woman (took from the patriarchy), the weak, emotional and sweet one, the princess waiting to be picked from the self by the andro king. Again, not everyone thinks/acts like that, however I’ve heard enough comments and seen sufficient interactions. And thank Whoever that I’m surrounded by those feminine ones who don’t give a shit and are as strong, blunt, diverse, logical, funny, active as I am (or as I am supposed to be!).

Let’s stop judging and pigeon-holing the other queer types. As in the end, we’re just repeating archaic, toxic, damaging, narrow-minded behaviours picked from our straight-fellows. Hence, let us live, love and laugh as free as we are and as queer as we pray.

Don’t do types, do star signs! (sing and repeat)

[irony on]

From now on, will just ask hey, what’s your star sign? Kids, you can try this experiment next time you go out. Although bear in mind you’ll become addicted to the Broadly daily horoscope.

Lately I don’t hang out with femmes, butches, andros, dykes anymore, I’m more into centaurs, sheep, lions, scorpions… It’s way more fun and purely scientific. Don’t believe me?

How come then, that I always have a crush-slash-adventure with Geminis? Or that myself obsessively attracts Taurus?

Why I normally hate-love Cancers and Virgos and I are best buds? Capricorns though… I’ve just known two. One turned me on a lot, the other is my new deep friend. No clue.

Last but not least, isn’t it coincidental that with Scorpios I always have an X-files relationship and that I normally fall in love with Aries?

Do the Zodiac, 12 new labels for you to use! Isn’t it excited? 👌😏

See you next month, dear Sag!

[irony off]