#and I’m proud of myself from conquering my anxiety and mh issues

[anonamelie]

My room is my safe haven, my place where I know I can escape from the world around me. Secrets I pour out to strangers on the internet and writing my stories while rewriting my own is what’s confined within these walls. If you would’ve asked me three years ago if I wanted to leave the house, go outside, I would deny my interest. I would deny it, but I so desperately wanted to. Fear is what stopped me.

During those two years, it felt like a chore to wake up, to even function and get work done, but I did it anyways with a fake smile adorning my face and a heavy heart burdened with anxiety. It got so bad that some days the thought of leaving my room sent me into a panic, so I hid and continued to go about my day slowly suffocating on the anxiety looming inside my mind.

I was always filled with dread, desperation, and emptiness. Nothing could calm me but the feeling of safe that my bedroom provided. I’m lucky to even have a bedroom after the intensity that is everything. I’m lucky. I got out.

I got out and now all I want to do is run until the air has left my lungs, and even then I still want to keep running. I finally feel free from expectations and what people will think. I’ve finally started to get my mind in a place where it can heal.

Part of healing is hurting. It hurts to know that I felt so unsafe that my brain told me to hide, to never go out because bad things were happening. I had to stay. Now I can be free. I can run and run and run. I can laugh while the breeze whips my hair around in different directions. I’m free.

It took a long time to get to this place in my life. Hell, there was a time I thought it’d never come, that it’d be better if I was gone, but it has and now I never want it to end. I want to continue running forwards, and sometimes I look back at my safe haven and long to comfort that person that’s within those walls.

For now,

I want to keep running.