#and I’m not mad at my immediate boss bc I know she only sent the email because SHES being forced to by HER supervisors

[galaxywhale]

I wonder if my bosses realise that the more they push our ridiculous planning expectations, the more I regret telling them I’m planning on remaining at the school tnext year 🙃

[call-me-maggie13]

Y’all, kids are crazy but I work with them and here’s some of my favorite stories

After a student fell off the slide, I helped her up and asked if she was okay, to which she responded with “I am SO not livin’ la vida loca right now.” (She’s five)

During nap, a student began talking in their sleep, so I got closer to try to figure out what he was saying only to discover he was saying “do not touch my pizza, Satan” over and over again. He stopped after a few minutes but it was still funny.

One of my students’ moms is pregnant with twins and he came into class one day and told me his mom ate two babies and now they were growing in her tummy like watermelon seeds.

I have a kid who, every time he falls or runs into something or hurts himself, he makes the Minecraft oof sound and it is so hard not to cackle at a child after they fell off the swings bc he sounds like Steve from Minecraft.

One of my kids made a rap video and posted it on YouTube then shared the link with everyone at daycare and got mad when kids started watching the video and singing her song

I have a child that calls me Lisa. My name is not Lisa. My name is nothing close to Lisa. I have never met a Lisa and I do not work with a Lisa. I have no idea where the name came from or if it is an insult or a compliment.

There is a set of twins that are split up between my class and the older class (due to behavior and the confusion it caused on the other teacher when she had them both), and they like to switch between the classes and pretend they’re the other person but they are fraternal twins and one has a bunch of freckles and the other is like, four shades darker than the other so they never get away with it with me. The other teacher swears she can’t tell the difference.

One of my students once asked me if I was La Llorona.

I was sick on a Monday and I hadn’t sent my curriculum for the week to my boss to pass on to my sub, so my kids were given the curriculum from the other class their age (we have three different locations) and it was basically just copiganda. So when I got to work the next day, I received the news that one of my students had shouted “FUCK DA POLICE” when my sun had passed out police badges for them to color and personalize. Her badge said “ACAB” where her name was supposed to be.

So one of my kids was getting yelled at for something she didn’t do by a teacher that I, personally, have like actual beef with. After I told the other teacher not to talk to my kids in that tone, she said she wanted an apology from my student and before I could tell her she wouldn’t be getting one, she asked my student if there was anything she had to say and my student responded with “You look stupid when you yell, just because you’re louder doesn’t mean you’re right.” (THE SECOND HALF OF THE SENTENCE IS SOMETHING I TELL MY KIDS WHEN THEY GET LOUD AND ANGRY, BUT I DO NOT CLAIM ANY RESPONSIBILITY FOR THE FIRST PART.) The other teacher responded by threatening to call my kiddo’s mom, which I immediately shut down.

I have a kid who is just now learning English (her parents homeschooled her until third grade), and she oftentimes forgets or simply doesn’t know the English word for something she is trying to say. My students have taken to using some of the things she comes up with to convey her point instead of their proper English name, which is fine but it’s hard to explain why twenty second and third graders have started calling pears “ugly apples” and bears “big angry puppies”.

So I had an allergic reaction to a new medication I was taking and it caused a rash, and one of my kids started telling the other kids that I had chickenpox so I’ve had to explain to parents for the last three weeks that I do not have chickenpox.

When my kids get really rowdy, they like to just call my name over and over even though they don’t even particularly want my attention, so I always tell them “I changed my name and I’m not going to tell you what it is.” Which always leads to them making a bunch of guesses for what my “new name” is until I get bored and tell one of them they’re right, which then becomes my name for the rest of the day. When I was watching another teacher’s students while she talked to our boss, I did this same thing and one of her kids says “is it a bad word?” Which I was like, no?? And she goes “yes it is, your new name is fuck isn’t it?” (She was three)

On the subject of “bad words,” when I first started, I had a kid tell me another kid had said a “bad word” to her and I asked her which one (bc the day before she told me stinky was a bad word) she dropped her voice like an octave and says at the top of her lungs “FUCK”

I have a child who tells me once a week that it is his birthday. He has never said it during his birthday. He has said it the day before his birthday and the day after his birthday, but never the day of.

There is a student in one of the other classes who memorizes everything you tell him and sometimes just things he notices, which is only really freaky when he asks you if you got a new car bc you borrowed your mom’s, or when he tells you that he knows where you live and then tells you every detail about your house that you’ve ever told him.

There is a student who likes to tell the most outlandish lies to the other students. I’ve watched her convince eighteen 6-8 year olds that she was on the Titanic, and that she’s had a sleepover with the princess of Genovia. She has also described the entire plot of Annie as if it was her own life and some of the other kids still believe it was.

One of my students speaks five languages so I’ve had to learn all of the curse words in all five because he, apparently, told his little brother to, essentially, “get fucked” during the Halloween party and I got in trouble for not knowing because he said it in Italian.

One of my students told me God said she didn’t have to eat the celery sticks her mother had packed in her lunch because it was a sin and then quoted scripture at me.

I had a student call me homophobic five minutes because I told him he wasn’t allowed to climb over the tops of the bathroom stalls. He’s has met my soon-to-be wife multiple times.

I had a kid this summer that liked to kick and punch me in the stomach, so I told him that he was hurting my baby (I was not and am not pregnant) and one of my other students asked me if that’s why I was so fat. My class also agreed (unanimously) that I should name my child Concrete if it was a boy and Cricket if it was a girl.

I had a student convince me, all the other teachers, her parents, and her doctor that she couldn’t read for almost two years (she was diagnosed with dyslexia) because she didn’t want to do a word search. She only told anyone she was lying because she hated her reading therapist (idk what he was called, he came in twice a week and did a bunch of exercises with her so she could read and shit)

I’ve had a child tell me their mama looks like Pennywise from IT.

A child told me I looked like I didn’t know how to ride a bike, completely unprompted.

One of the students in the older class told my students that cheese was cow jizz and that farmers had to wank cows off to get cheese. I didn’t know what to do so I just sent their parents a mass email about what happened and turned my phone off. I haven’t checked my inbox since. (It’s been three months.)

One of my students asked me how I made cereal then told me I must be a serial killer because I told her I didn’t eat cereal.

One of my students took his shoes off and threw them over the fence around the playground and onto the highway on the other side. He didn’t get his shoes back.

I watched a child eat colored glue because it “looked like chocolate.” It was blue and glittery.

One of my students asked me if I was possessed by a demon because I sneezed three times in a row and she thought that meant I was possessed.

One of my kid’s parents asked me about “my son” because her child had been talking about how cute Bobbie was. Bobbie is my cat. He got the name because he bobbles when he walks.

I had a child bite a metal column and break his front teeth because “it looked yummy”

We rented one of those water slide bouncy house type things for the last day of the summer and a student from another class told my students that the water was pee and that’s why it was warm.

I had a student tell me they brought a knife to school and he pulled out one of those switchblade combs.

One of my students decided she wanted to elope, so we moved my class to a room with only one exit and she convinced another student to fake a seizure so she could get past both me and my coworker.

My youngest student asked me if I believed in heaven and I gave her a vague non-answer and she told me “I can take you to meet God today,” then made a motion like she was slicing her throat. She’s my only five-year-old.

[spencerspecifics]

Okay yes hi hello this is me gracing y’all with my writing Bc I’ve had this idea forever!! This is going to be multiple chapters, here is chapter two. Enjoy :)

~

Technical Analyst (ch.1)

~

Short description: Spencer works as a technical analyst alongside Garcia and Kevin, though he hasn’t ever really worked directly with the BAU team, he works more in filing and researching. But when Garcia goes on vacation leave, and Kevin is busy with his own work, Spencer steps up to help- and that’s when he meets Derek Morgan.

———————————————————————

Spencer hated technology. He hated computers, tablets, cell phones, he hated it all. He hated everything and anything that isn’t on printed onto paper. So how the fuck did he end up as a technical analyst- whose entire job was based around proficient use of technology? In very short, budget cuts.

He originally worked in domestic terrorism, though he never fit in well there. He was a good worker, fast and able to do a lot. But his coworkers never let him feel included. He would hear them make plans without him, ignore him in conversations, only reaching out to him for his great memory to help solve a case. It was dehumanizing. He was just a brain for them, nothing more.

Then, the budget cuts came. And he got removed from the team, as he had the least amount of hours in the field- which wasn’t his fault. The rest of his team always forced him into the research position, so while they were off chasing the bad guys, he was stuck researching with a computer he doesn’t trust.

So yeah, he wasn’t an asset to them. But the bureau knew a mind like his in general was an asset, a fountain they’d like to keep a tap on. So they made work for him. It was mostly menial. He would assist with intense cases when necessary, but even then it was just research. No one knew what he would be like in the field, because they never gave him the chance.

Spencer tried not to think about how unfair this was, how stupid and purely tedious it was. He would rather be working as a T.A. at this point- which wouldn’t even be that bad. At least he gets heard and seen then.

~

Spencer’s normal day consists of going from his apartment to the bureau building, to directly into his cramped little office that was about the size of a jumbo walk in closet. A nice size to store clothes, but not so nice when you have to have a person, a desk, a chair, three computer monitors, two filing cabinents, a trash can, a fax machine, and a printer all crammed in there.

Yeah, his workplace was entirely too small. Thankfully it didn’t impact his ability to work, though, most the time Spencer finished his work quickly; and would end up reading. Spencer didn’t venture out from his office that much at all, (he always brought his own coffee so he didn’t have to worry about bugging the field agents.) the exception to leaving his office was to go across the hall to Penelope Garcia, his only sort of friend that he had at work. She was always so bubbly, it was a breath of relief for him to go see her- she reminded him of all the positive things, he definitely couldn’t do the job without her.

Not to mention, she had to train him from starting point zero. Spencer hated technology, after all. So he never made an effort to learn coding, hacking, how to re-route and track things. He knew nothing like that, hell, he struggles with his cellphone turning on sometimes.

Thankfully, she was able to get some sense into him, and he was pretty good at what he could do. Though he was still working out python coding, he was enjoying the learning process of using technology.

That being said- he still despises technology, and he hopes that once he leaves the job, he can throw away his very unnecessary but work mandated laptop.

~

Spencer made his way into the bureau building, messenger bag slung over his shoulder awkwardly as a thermos of coffee was held tightly in his right hand, while the left one reached for the door handle to enter. He got in no problem, security didn’t stop him anymore, thankfully. Though in the beginning, they did check him constantly, verifying that he belonged there. After all, he looked young, and he definitely didn’t belong in the bureau building. But then again, Garcia didn’t look like she belonged there either.

Security just made presumptions about people, he shrugged that thought off as he made his way to the elevator. Thankfully no one else was in there, he pressed the button for floor six, and the elevator doors shut.

The elevator whirred to life, taking him up to the sixth floor slowly. Thankfully today was a slow day, there wasn’t really any important case he had to work on. (Not like he ever really got given cases to work on, anyways.) So Spencer was hoping he would be able to finish his work quickly, as he had some books he brought with him that he wanted to read and re-read before the day was finished.

The elevator dinged, a signal it had reached its necessary location, before the doors finally slid back. He stepped out, taking his usual left down the hallway immediately. Forward through the glass doors was the bullpen with the agents who worked in the BAU. And god, what he wouldn’t give to be a field agent, working as a profiler. That’s why he wanted to join the bureau, and yet he was so close- his office only down the hall. But he was simultaneously so far, not being trusted by all the bureaucratic bosses, who didn’t know if he would be a good agent to warrant being put out into the field.

He hated it, but he tried not to think about it as he reached his office, Garcia’s door was shut, she was on vacation, or so he had heard. Spencer pulled on his office door, entering with ease as he moved into the cramped workspace.

Spencer sat his messenger bag down onto his desk, sitting himself down in his office chair and taking a minute to breathe in and out before continuing. Spencer hated this job. It was mind numbingly boring, he was so close to quitting. He knew the bureau would fight tooth and nail to keep him, however, but if that was the case, why not give him a better job- he didn’t want a nicer office, he wanted to help people.

He sighed, today was just one of those days where he was extra mad about not being treated right, he tried to ignore this thought process as he got ready to work; setting his coffee down by his computer mouse to his right, setting his messenger bag onto the floor next to him, pulling off the scarf that was wrapped loosely around his neck and hanging it over the back of his chair. Now he was ready for the day.

~

Penelope didn’t mean to forget to tell the team that she was going to be gone- she assumed they knew. At least Hotch did, all the rest of them knew was that she was going to take a week off to relax, they just didn’t know when (she had too many vacation days saved up, so she had to use them or lose them. She chose the former.) It was just a total brain fart moment on her part, so while she decided to hit up her favorite stores, spas, and websites; the team had no idea, they assumed she was holed up in her office, hacking away at whatever she normally does.

This would only show itself when Derek needed her, calling her office number and it going to voicemail “Hi, this is Penelope Garcia with the FBI and I’m too awesome to come to the phone right now, if it’s an urgent matter please call Aaron Hotchner-“ yeah, Derek hung up his phone by then, deciding to call her personal cell.

“Hi, hot chocolate!” She answered cheerfully, the sounds of people talking and laughing could be heard in the background, which Derek took note of. “Babygirl- your work phone sent me to voicemail, where are you?” Garcia was quiet for a second, before practically blowing Morgan’s eardrums out; “Oh- damnit! I knew I was forgetting something!” “Care to fill me in?” He asked her curiously, “Yes-“ Garcia sighed before continuing on, “Sorry. I’m taking those vacation days Hotch told me I had to use or else I’d lose.”

“So you’re not at the office.” He stated, “That I am not, I’m sorry I forgot to tell you! But my pal Spencer Reid should be covering for me.” “Spencer Reid?” Derek asked, unfamiliar with that person, “Why not kevin?” “Ugh, I don’t know- he’s doing that thing where he’s actually busy with other work for once. But Spencer is good, I taught him everything he knows- and I’m pretty sure he’s got three PhDs, so yeah, you replaced one genius with another- so don’t worry!” “Okay, well...” Derek took a second, “You sure I can ask Spencer about everything I’d ask you?” He meant work related, within being able to hack and get everything that Garcia would be able to get. Because Morgan knew that her talents were very special, and having someone else replicate them seemed near impossible, so he was a bit hesitant to trust someone new.

“Oh yeah- he’ll find everything easy peasy lemon squeezy. Don’t worry yourself, sugar.” “Okay, thank you mama. Have a good week of rest.” “I will! I have an appointment for a spa, and oh my god Derek- they do a seaweed wrap thing, isn’t that crazy?” “So you’re gonna get rolled up like sushi?” “No! Ew! Don’t compare me to raw fish!”

The phone call continued for a bit after that, as Derek wasn’t in an urgent matter. It was just a filing day at the office, before he hung up he asked where Spencer was, though; “Oh, he’s in the office next to mine, across the hall!” Garcia told him happily. Derek had thought that was a storage closet, but he didn’t tell her- instead thanking her and hanging up.

Now to pay this mystery computer whiz a visit.

~

Spencer was in the middle of re-routing a bunch of information that Garcia needed to send to her boss, Aaron Hotchner. Spencer didn’t share the same boss, since he was technically working in a more basic division of the bureau, he instead answered to Strauss- which was a royal pain in the ass, but he always turned his work in on time, came in when needed, he had never had to face her wrath yet, thankfully.

Spencer typed away, trying to get all the data to get to Hotchner as quickly as possible so he didn’t have to wait, though it wasn’t crucial the work did get completed right now. Spencer just liked to get things done.

A knock sounded Spencer out of his methodical typing, it wasn’t Garcia, obviously. And he knew Kevin was in a meeting right now with some IT people over his keyboard acting funky (Kevin could fix it by himself, but office administration forced him into talking to IT.)

“Yes?” Spencer asked curiously, turning around in his office chair, because he had no clue who it was that could be interrupting his work. The door pushed open, revealing a tall, classically handsome, muscular man carrying some files in his hands. Fuck, that would be Spencer’s luck. An attractive guy swooping in and making his IQ of one hundred and eighty seven go down to sixty in two second flat

“Hi- you Spencer?” The man asked, stepping forward into the cramped office. Spencer stood up instinctively, “Yes, I am. How can I help you?” The man handed the files over awkwardly, “I’m sorry, I usually ask Penelope Garcia for this but she’s on vacation and she referred me to you- I just need these put through VICAP, I’m not too familiar with the system as a whole, ‘cause Garcia usually handles it.”

Spencer nodded, taking the files and looking through them briefly, there were nine of them. “I’m sorry, I know that’s a lot of work to do... I’m sure I can figure it out myself-“ Derek started, doing his best to apologize. Little did he know Spencer could get this done within an hour or so.

“Oh no- not a problem at all, this should only take me about an hour, two at most, but that’s a generous estimate.” Derek raised his eyebrows, “An hour or two? Garcia usually finishes up this many files within three or four. How are you able to get this done faster than her?”

“I have an eidetic memory, which helps me recall anything that I read. I can read these files once and put all the information into VICAP knowing it’s accuracy is one hundred percent without having to double check, that cuts down my speed by half per case file.”

Derek looked confused and shocked. Yeah, Spencer could understand why. “Sorry, um. That’s a weird explanation, but it shouldn’t take me as long. I’m assuming you’re out in the bullpen?” Spencer asked him, putting the files down atop his keyboard.

“Yeah, I’m Derek Morgan with the BAU.” Derek finally introduced himself, reaching his hand out. Shit, this was Derek Morgan? Garcia has mentioned him a few times to Spencer, saying he’d love him “oh he’s so handsome, but so sweet and loving, like the hottest man on earth- I’d marry him in a heartbeat, but we don’t roll like that, Y’know?” That’s how she described him once, and of course Spencer remembered that word for word. Spencer felt like it was just his luck, that his only work colleague was best friends with a man so attractive that his mind isn’t working fully.

Not to mention he was in the BAU, Spencer guessed he was, since Garcia was their technical analyst. But still, it would be just his luck to know this insanely attractive man was part of the team he wanted to belong to so bad. Spencer wasn’t sure how to respond as he kept his composure. After all, yeah, Derek was attractive. But they probably wouldn’t speak again after this exchange. It wasn’t worth Spencer thinking about him, or how Garcia described him.

“I’m sorry, I don’t shake. But it’s nice to meet you, I’ll find you once I’m done. If you need anymore help, feel free to let me know.” Spencer told him, looking back at the files on his desk as a distraction away from this hot guy that was just standing so calmly in his office, as if Spencer ever had any visitors into the cramped space besides Garcia and Kevin.

By the time spencer looked back up, Derek’s arm was back down by his side. “Okay, thank you.”

~

Derek was surprised by their exchange, to say the least. How did he not know about this genius before? How was he not more well known, a memory thing, three PhD’s- that would be a useful asset? How come he was hidden away in a closet sized office? He had to know more. Even if it was nosy and stupid.

Normally, he’d call Garcia and ask her if it was about an employee. But in this case, he couldn’t. And he couldn’t go to Spencer, that would be weird.

So, he did the next best thing. He asked Hotch.

~

He knocked slowly on Hotchner’s door, hoping he wasn’t going to tell him to mind his business and not ask about employee facts when they definitely were irrelevant.

Derek was smart though, he figured out a foolproof way to play this. So when Hotch said, “Yes?” He came in, starting his plan into motion.

“Hotch, where’s Garcia?” He asked him, as if Derek hadn’t immediately checked up on his babygirl when he couldn’t find her. “Oh,” Hotch started, setting a file down that he had been looking over, “She took some vacation time.”

“So, who am I supposed to go to for computer help?” Derek asked, “Well,” Hotchner started, matter of factly, while he reached for a thin, unopened file on his desk. “We have a new guy helping us. Kevin’s busy with helping the child abduction unit reset their computers, as well as he’s in an IT meeting right now, so we have..” Hotch stopped, looking down to read the name off the file; “Doctor Spencer Reid. I’m sure he’ll be just as good.”

“Hotch. No ones as good as Garcia.” Derek pointed out, Hotch shrugged. “Maybe not. But this guy has a glowing personal history- and Garcia told me she taught him everything he knows.”

“What’s his personal history?” Derek asked curiously, stepping a bit closer but still trying to play nonchalance. “You know I’m not able to disclose that. You can go ask him for yourself.” Derek sighed. Of course Hotch wasn’t gonna tell him shit. He should’ve expected this. But sue him, call him hopeful. He was hoping he could’ve gotten some information on this mysterious doctor.

~

Derek made his defeated way back to his desk in the bullpen. And Emily, whose desk was directly across from his, immediately noticed his slight annoyance at Hotch. So she asked in a hushed voice as soon as he sat down;

“Did you get yelled at by Hotch?” Because in her mind, that was the most logical explanation that made the most sense. Derek just shook his head as a response, “No,” he clarified, “I was asking about our Garcia fill-in, and Hotch wouldn’t tell me anything.”

“Garcia fill-in? She’s gone?” Emily asked confusedly looking back to the hallway that led to Penelope’s office, as if she’d magically appear. “Yeah, but just for the week.” Derek explained, “She’s using those vacation days she had saved up. And Kevin isn’t our standby, ‘cause he’s busy. Instead it’s some new guy.”

“Who?” Prentiss asked, this time she was curious. And as if on cue, Dr. Spencer Reid came through the glass doors, and into the bullpen, carrying Morgan’s stack of files.

“Him.” Morgan pointed back simply as a response as he waved Spencer over.

~

To say Spencer felt out of his element by being in the BAU bullpen was an understatement, he felt like a fish out of water. Like he was suffocating and everything around him was too much.

He purposely avoided the bullpen, first reason being because he didn’t have any work with the BAU. But the second reason was he knew if he stepped in, he’d be more upset that he couldn’t be on the team. And the last thing he wanted to do was make his job worse for himself.

But, this experience was an outlier. And though Spencer can remember almost anything and everything, he planned on doing his best to purposely forget all of this. Every last detail.

He wasn’t going to let himself remember how there were field agents with real life guns holstered at their sides, how they were all sitting casually, looking over cases and drinking coffee, how they had the title of SSA (he only had SA, which he still was bitter about.), and then how at a moments notice they could fly away in a jet. How astonishing their work is, how jealous he is.

But Spencer entered through the glass doors nonetheless, looking around quickly before seeing Derek wave him over. Derek was sat at his desk, talking to a woman whose head was turned away from Spencer, all he could see was that she was his desk mate, and that she had black hair.

Spencer made his way over at a brisk pace, he just needed to get in and out. If he stayed for too long, he’d let himself remember to much.

“Hey, I- I got these into VICAP no problem,“ Spencer started as he handed Derek the case files, “But I noticed some errors on the date stamping on when you found the unsub so I corrected it myself, I hope you don’t mind.”

Derek shook his head casually, “Not a problem at all, I have a habit of messing that up. Thanks doc.” Fuck, ‘doc’? Spencer hadn’t been called ‘doctor’ in months, let alone ‘doc’. This was turning into a tailspin moment for him as he smiled awkwardly, feeling a blush rising to his face, he wasn’t sure what else to do. But he wanted to get out of there.

Thankfully, the woman with black hair introduced herself, as once he had rounded the corner to see Derek, he also saw her face. She was pretty, and had bangs. “Hi, I don’t think we’ve met. I’m Emily Prentiss.” She reached her hand over to shake Reid’s expectantly, “Oh I-“ Reid started, hands down at his sides, he wasn’t going to move them.

“He doesn’t shake, Prentiss.” Derek explained casually, “Oh,” Emily said, dropping her hand down, “Sorry! It’s still good to meet you, though. So I hear you’re covering for Garcia?” She asked Spencer, who nodded as he pushed a piece of hair back behind his ear.

“Yeah she’s taking vacation time, and Kevin is currently busy with helping the child abduction unit. So I’ll be you technical analyst for the next week or so.”

“I’m sorry, but how long have you been with the bureau? You look really young. I don’t mean to be rude I’m just-“ “You’re really asking him the rudest possible question, though, huh?” Derek joked to her, and she just smacked him on the arm lightly before turning her attention back to Spencer.

“No you’re fine to ask I- um, I’ve been with the bureau a year and a half, but originally I was on the domestic terrorism field unit.” He explained shortly, he didn’t wanna go into how he got on the bureau to begin with, or how he left the domestic terrorism unit. All he wanted to do was have this conversation end, or else it would just be that much harder to forget.

“Domestic terrorism? So how do you end up doing technical analyst work?” Derek butted in curiously, up until now it has been Prentiss asking all the questions.

Spencer stayed quiet for a moment, before finally responding, “If you need anything else, my office is next to Garcia’s. It’s been nice meeting you, Emily.” All he gave to Derek was a curt nod before walking out at the brisk pace he had entered with.

~

“Wow, well you fucked that up.” Prentiss spoke to Derek once she saw Spencer exiting through the glass doors, and turning down the hallway.

He sighed and rolled his eyes at her, “I’m just curious about him, can you blame me?” Emily just chuckled softly in return, shaking her head as she turned her chair around to face him more head on.

“Are you curious about him because he’s cute, or because he’s replacing Garcia for the week?” Derek blinked at her in surprise; “I never said he was cute.” He protested, more confused than anything else.

“You didn’t say it, but your body language did. You think he’s cute. You called him ‘doc’ and he almost blushed, and I have a feeling you’re gonna try and call him ‘doc’ again to see that same result- and you watched him the entire time, even if I was talking.”

“You think random bureau agents are cute all the time, what’s it matter?” Derek rebutted, trying to deflect and ignore, because Prentiss wasn’t making sense. Derek wasn’t attracted to Spencer, he didn’t think he was cute. Spencer’s level of attractiveness had nothing to do with his curiosity.

Derek did have a right to be curious for other reasons, anyways. This guy was replacing Garcia for a bit. It made sense Derek would wanna know more about the guy, even if he was or wasn’t attractive.

“Yeah, I find agents cute. But I don’t go asking Hotch about them.” Prentiss said with a smirk, Derek just shot her a glare. “I asked Hotch because he’s replacing Garcia. And I’ve not heard of the guy before.”

“Whatever you say, man.” Was all Emily replied with as she turned back to her work, Derek just rolled his eyes at her again before turning to his own computer.

Okay, so he knew Spencer was in domestic terrorism. It couldn’t hurt to just search it up, right? It wasn’t anything classified, he’d be able to see it, Derek hoped. He wasn’t meaning to be nosy, but he was just so curious and confused. He just had to know more.

———————————————————————

[hollyxqx]

SHE’S THE ONE  //  SHOWNU

↪ PAIRING: Reader / Shownu  ↪ GENRE:  smut > fluff > f2l  ↪ WORD COUNT: 7.3k ↪ SUMMARY: Hyunwoo has worked for your family for almost a year now, maintaining the gardens and pool. He’s not as rich as you are, he’s working class and he knows it but it doesn’t stop either of you striking up an unlikely relationship. [inspired by this song]

↪ WARNINGS: lots of smut, dirty talk, rough sex but nothing crazy bc shownu is a sweetheart, total self indulgent filth everyone 

a/n: the idea of gardener!shownu came from this story. I just wanted to give the author some credit for inspiring me, so you should read that story if the idea appealed as much to you as me. other than the fact that shownu is a gardener for a rich OC the stories are nothing alike, fyi.  this was meant to be A LOT shorter but i couldn’t help myself, srry.

ALL ABOUT LUV SERIES

Hyunwoo can feel your eyes on him as he paints the new patio furniture, outside in the glaring hot summer sun. It's touching on thirty degrees Celsius and he can feel beads of sweat trickling from his nape, running down the back of his white vest as he works. He's thankful he remembered his cap today, not only does it shield his eyes from the brightness of the sun but it enables him to sneak an occasional glance at you.

The day you first met he remembers thinking two things. One; oh my god, she's pretty and two; I can't do anything about it. You were the bosses daughter and he needed this job. Unlike you Hyunwoo was not born into a life of wealth and luxury. His hands were his means to a living, not shy to hard work.

He didn't know what your father did exactly to earn the estate, from the other staff he'd heard the title but it was so long and self-important Hyunwoo failed to remember it. Some kind of marketing, analytical something or other. You didn't have to be a humble labourer to know that meant money.

The mother didn't work. She didn't need to. Hyunwoo only ever saw her shopping, having brunch, shopping some more and doing yoga with someone he highly doubted was just her yoga instructor, unless yoga meant fondling the tan 23 year old instructor three times a week. The whole world was so alien and unfamiliar to him, he almost felt like a spectator at times.

You, however. You were different. That fact was deduced very quickly. After only a few weeks of getting to know you it became apparent that you weren't like the rest of your family. If he didn't know any better he sensed some resentment on your part even though the you never explicitly said the words out loud.

It was in what was unspoken that clued him in - the disdainful sighs when your mother had a cocktail at 10am, the way you went quiet whenever your father was mentioned, the fact that you helped out the staff when you didn't have to. Many a time he saw you washing dishes with the maid. Only when your parents weren't around though, he knew they would scold you if they caught you in the act.

So, he didn't mind the fact that you were staring. You were a hot girl, who appeared nice enough, and who found him attractive, what wouldn't he like about that? Hyunwoo hadn't had a girlfriend in nearly two years, much of his time spent working to afford college, so the attention you sent his way felt nice. Even if he couldn't act upon it, he could enjoy it.

"Um, Hyunwoo?" Your voice draws his focus from his work and he squints up at you in the sunlight. You're wearing that navy blue bikini he's seen plenty of times before and denim shorts. An image he knows will be swirling in his thoughts for the rest of the day, whether he wants it to or not. "Would you like some lunch?"

He's overdue a break anyway, and frankly any excuse to get away from the midday sun before his skin starts to burn is good enough for him. "Sure." He accepts, carefully putting his tools away. He sets them in the shade, wiping at his sweaty forehead with the t-shirt he removed earlier.

"Come eat inside, there's aircon." You inform him and he follows you indoors. Inside the kitchen he's surprised to find a somewhat elaborate spread of fruit, sandwiches and salad atop the island that sits in the middle of the room. He immediately goes to the sink to wash up as you get some plates.

"Ana outdid herself. It looks great." He mumbles as he dries his hands. Ana was the head housekeeper, worked there the longest and she was well known as the best cook in the home.

"Oh, I did this." You blush adorably and he pauses for a second. "I thought you might be hungry. I know I am."

"You made all this for me?" He asks, a little dumbfounded. He can't quite believe you'd go to all this trouble for the gardener. It only further cemented your nice nature for him.

"Yeah." You reply shyly, smiling as you pour both of you some icy water. "I enjoy cooking. Especially for others."

Hyunwoo can't help but watch you for a moment as you load your plate up with food, biting back a smile when you take his plate and do the same. "Thank you." He says gently as he takes the food from you. You share a look and he swears his heart stills for a moment.

***

It doesn't take long until eating together becomes a routine. You're home from college for the summer, you tell him one Friday lunchtime, this time over some of the best steak he's ever eaten. From what he can gather you adore the college you attend, your entire face lights up animatedly when you speak about it. Part of him suspects it's because you're away from the clutches of your family.

"I really want to get a job this summer, maybe even volunteer." You tell him as you sit opposite the kitchen island once more. "The parents aren't so thrilled about that. My mom wants me to go to Europe with her. Dad is obviously working."

"Europe sounds incredible." He offers.

"I've been before." You sigh. Hyunwoo can't help but find it bizarre that you're so unenthusiastic about a potential overseas trip. He's never even been abroad. "The rest of my class are working or interning. I wish I could too."

He knows it's ridiculous to feel sorry for the poor little rich girl who has literally everything but he can't help it. He might not be wealthy but he knows all too well what it's like to feel like an outsider and wanting nothing more than to just be like everyone else. Albeit for different reasons. You were sweet, his empathy felt deserved.

"You should do it." He tells you sincerely. "Your parents can't exactly kidnap you and take you to Europe can they?"

"You'd be surprised." You laugh, drly. "Who knows what they're capable of."

He doesn't know how to respond, so he's silent as you finish you meal. As nice as it would be to have more money than sense, at least he has freedom.

***

The first time you kiss is at the end of the summer.

Hyunwoo doesn't anticipate it happening and is unprepared. It wasn't the best kiss he's ever had given it's surprising nature, your teeth briefly clacked, but it was nice nonetheless. The sun is setting when you corner him around the back of the pool house, hidden from view. You ask him some question about him minding if you go for a late night swim (he never has and you've never needed his permission) - he knows it is an excuse.

There's a moment of hesitation, a sweet thank you falls from your lips and before he knows it your mouths are connected. Body curled in to him, tongue in his mouth he can't help but kiss back. You walk away before he can barely register what's happened.

***

Autumn is creeping it's way on to the landscape when the second kiss happens.

It's almost as if you've forgotten the first one, since you've never brought it up. Hyunwoo doesn't either, mostly assuming it was just a momentary impulse moment, mostly not wanting to make anything awkward with you. He's still enjoying the lunches you're preparing for him and doesn't want them to stop.

The working day is coming to a close for him. He's a lot sweaty and a little dirty when your paths cross. Your voice startles him as he's winding up the garden hose. "Hi Hyunwoo."

"Hi." His hands continue on autopilot until the work is done.

"I'm going back to school tomorrow." He knew that, gossip among the staff, but he stays silent, nodding as if it's brand new information. "I just wanted to say bye. Until next summer I guess."

"Bye." He says softly, earning him a tiny laugh from you. "I know you will be happier there than here."

"I'll miss those lunches though."

He's surprised and hope it doesn't read too blatantly. "Me too. I'm going to have to go back to eating turkey sandwhiches or ramyeon. Alone."

"Are you working here during the winter?" You ask.

"Yeah, just less frequently. Once every two weeks." He's got another job as a waiter in a slightly posher-than-he's-used-to restaurant but he doesn't tell you that. You probably won't care too much about him when you're not here.

"Maybe I'll see you at Christmas break." You hum. He offers a polite agreement. "You weren't...mad that I kissed you?"

That he didn't expect, as far as he was concerned you had swept that off the table. "No, I wasn't. I liked it."

"I liked it too."

The air changes and he somehow just senses it, just feels it in his bones what's going to happen next. You're so close to him, licking your lips like that and he doesn't miss how your eyes flit to his own mouth. This time Hyunwoo closes the ga with the wave of confidence that surges.

This kiss is much better than the first one, an air of desperation of it being the last time hangs thickly. Momentarily forgetting he's just worked a hard day of manual labour and isn't necessarily the cleanest he pulls your body against his anyway. One hand on your waist, the other grasping you between your shoulder blades.

You're the one to deepen the kiss and he swears he hears the tiniest moan over the thrumming in his ears. A hand slides down his muscular chest and fists his shirt. "Hyunwoo." You say breathlessly. It's not a question because your lips are back on his again.

His knees hit the back of a sun lounger, unsure of who was pulling and pushing who. He sits down and tugs you on to him, a knee on either side resting comfortably on his lap. This is not a good idea, he knows it but that part of his brain that's rational is loosing blood supply when you grind your hips against his. He's growing hard and it would be embarrassingly quickly if you weren't whimpering atop of him, loosing yourself in the moment too.

You shouldn't have sex. Out in the open like this. You shouldn't have sex at all, he works for you. Hyunwoo is trying to wrack his brains to remember who is home and who's not. The thought evaporates when you bite his bottom lip and tug at the nape of his hair. "You're so fucking hot Hyunwoo."

He's never heard you swear before, always assumed you weren't into such dirty language. His brain instantly ignites at the idea of you saying the dirtiest things he could imagine to him. It's something he's definitely thought about prior. He groans.

"So are you." He gets out in between kisses. Instinctively his hand is sliding up your cold thighs, the dress you're wearing not entirely weather appropriate for the cooling summer air. He grips your ass with a squeeze.

"I've wanted to kiss you so badly since the day we met." You admit through a breathy laugh. Even in the diminishing light he notices your cheeks flush a little. He's a little lost for words at the moment otherwise he'd tell you that he's felt the exact same way.

"Yeah?" Is all he manages to get out in an exhale.

"Mmhmm," You nod, raking your hands all over his chest. "And so much more."

Before he can respond you're kissing again. He wants to know what more means and he wants to know so badly it's making his cock ache. He needs it, so he shifts you on to your back, skirt rising up and exposing your panties. Even the sight of that is something he never thought he'd see in his wildest dreams. You were so untouchable just weeks ago and know you were underneath him at his mercy.

"I'd do anything you want me to." He murmurs in your ear, a knee separating your thighs for him as he hovers over you. "You're so pretty."

"What if I wanted you to touch me?" You ask.

"I am touching you." He can't help but smirk.

"Touch me like this."

You take his hand and run it over your clothed centre where he grazes a knuckle over your folds. At the contact the material presses into your wetness and he can't believe he did that. You're wet. For him. He rubs his hand up and down a few times and the noise that you elicit is sinful.

He looks up at you for approval as he slides your underwear slowly down your thighs. Your finally bare for him and he can't help it, too lost in the moment, he places a kiss on your mound, tongue sneaking between your lower lips for a second. It makes you gasp.

"God, like this - " He hangs his head for a second between your thighs, overwhelmed. "Like this you're perfect. Even if you told me to stop now the sight of you like this is, fuck, a wet dream." His cheek nuzzles your inner thigh where he places another wet kiss.

"Would this make it better?" You tease, nimble fingers unbuttoning your dress so your tits are exposed. His mouth hangs open as he nods, unable to eloquently articulate how fucking good you look and how hard he's trying to commit this to memory.

Nothing is said but he knows what to do, sitting up a little and kissing your breasts. He begins to stroke between your legs as he devours your tits. "Is this the right spot? Show me." He whispers against your skin.

"Do it like this," You guide his hand to the exact right place you want to be touched, moaning when he reaches it. "Fuck, Hyunwoo, just like that." You whine.

He can feel his dick leaking at that. Not only did you swear, you whined his name. He sucks on your nipple as your hips begin to work in tandem with his hands. "You want my fingers in you too? Hmm?" He asks.

"Yes, yeah - oh fuck - yes."

You're wet enough that he slides two in right away. He can only imagine in his mind how lewd this scene must look from an outsiders perspective, hand buried in your pussy. Starting off slow to gauge your reaction he sets what he hopes is the perfect pace, examining every detail on your beautiful face as your eyes flutter shut. You're chewing on your bottom lip, arching your back and falling apart in just the right way.

It's so much, touching you like this. "Yeah?" He manages to husk.

He's rewarded with a loud moan and a roll of your hips in time with his fingers. "Would you - ahh, would you fuck me if I asked?" You pant.

He didn't expect the question, and ruts his hips against your leg involuntarily with a groan into your skin. "Ugh, yeah. Yeah, I would."

"Here?"

"Here?" He repeats in surprise, pulling back to see if you really mean it. He wonders if you maybe have a thing for getting caught, or maybe even watched. God. "Really? You really want that?"

"Or we could fuck in the pool house. It's up to you." You laugh, biting your tongue with a grin. His hand hasn't stopped moving this entire time, even if he has slowed down. The thought of fucking you out here is hot but he can't risk it. What if someone caught him? That's his income gone.

"Take me to the poolhouse." He kisses you, discreetly wiping your wetness off on his denim thigh. It's hard to stop when he wants to see you cum so desperately. You grin and don't even bother to fix your half open dress before taking him by the hand. Both of you stumble excitedly across the garden, him pressed up against your back. He can't stop his hands roaming your body.

The poolhouse is nicer than any house Hyunwoo has ever lived in. What else did he expect. You know the way so he lets you lead him to the bedroom. You don't even bother with the light, tumbling onto the plush mattress, tangling together the instant you're able.

You yank off his shirt. "I'm a little sweaty." He laughs once he's topless.

"I don't care. Is it weird that I kind of like it?"

"Probably." He kisses you again while he removes your dress entirely. "I kind of get the feeling you're into lots of weird things."

"Define weird." You breathe, kicking off the remnants of your panties. His denim and boxers follow.

"Kinky."

"One person's kinky is another's boring Tuesday night."

"I can't wait to find out." He really can't. You're naked beneath him now and he's half expecting this to be a dream. He hovers over you and loves the way you shudder when his bare cock brushes against your thigh. You whine and reach for it with both hands, giving him a few lazy strokes. If your hands are this warm and soft he can't even imagine how good your cunt is going to feel.

He fucks into your fist a few times because it feels so good. "I fucking need you inside me, Hyunwoo. Please put your cock in me. Stretch me open and make me cry because it feels so good."

Shit, he loves your dirty mouth.

The blunt head of his cock drags through your wet pussy a few times to make the glide of him entering just that bit better. He presses in slowly, watching with wide eyes as your cunt swallows him whole. You keen as you fist the sheets. Then he's buried to the hilt and has to still for a few moments, or risk cumming quickly and embarrassing himself.

Before he beings thrusting he pushes both your legs a little wider apart. "Please." You beg and he listens, rocking his hips to meet yours. "Yes, oh - fuck yes." You breathe as he moves.

"I want you to cum." He husks into your ear. "How can I make you cum around my cock huh?"

"Touch my clit and don't stop moving like this."

He leans a little heavier on one arm so he can access your swollen clit with his right hand. Remembering what you told him earlier he gets to work. There's not much more said as he fucks you, mainly just breathy gasps and groans escaping both of you.

He loves that you tell him when you're about to cum. He's been with girls before who never said anything and he always found it hot when they did. He cums shortly after you, pulling out and shooting his load on your stomach.

The way you look, plump bottom lip between your teeth, eyes closed and covered in the evidence of his orgasm, well. He doesn't think he's ever seen anything sexier.

***

He's done it before. Fucked girls and had no further contact with them again. But it feels weird with you because he works for you. Has to talk to the people in your life frequently but has no idea about you. Phone numbers were not exactly exchanged and he's not really interested in social media. It complicates things, and he prefers simple.

The worst part about it is he can't even ask about you. It's odd if he shows too much interest in you. None of the household were particularly aware that a minor friendship even existed between you at one time.

Hyunwoo's not sure if he wants to know. He assumes you're happy and that's really all he can logically come up with. You'd never discussed anything extremely personal  with him over your little lunch dates and he'd never pressed you on it. He wonders if you'll have a boyfriend by Christmas time when you're home again.

He hopes not.

***

He starts night classes late September now that he can afford to. His scrimping and saving allowing him to fund the  business management course he takes. It's not much and it's not exactly a degree from some prestigious university but he learns a lot and best of all, he can continue working during the day.

After all, he has rent and bills to pay. Hyunwoo wants to run his own business one day and even if it takes years he's determined it will be worth it. His parents own a small cafe but neither of them went to college of any sort and they struggle often. His plan is to do it smart. Maybe even franchise his parents business.

By November he's promoted to host at the restaurant. It's fantastic for him because he earns enough now that money isn't on his mind constantly. When he's in the supermarket he doesn't have to carefully calculate as he shops. The items simply get tossed in the basket it without a thought and it feels good.

Life is good; steady. Sometimes he catches himself singing to himself as he works in the garden of your house like he's in a freaking disney movie.

He meets a girl at college whom he gets on well with. She's nice, quite pretty and they go on a few dates. They end up having sex in his car after the third one and it's okay, not great. He finds himself thinking about you after he's dropped her off, wondering if you're doing the same thing. Maybe you were, that's what university life was all about, he supposed. Experimenting, having fun, finding yourself.

Suddenly he feels very insignificant. Did you ever think of him? That night you spent together you'd confessed you had, but there were months and thousands of miles of distance between you now. You were the beautiful, upper class rich girl and he worked two jobs whilst going to a community college.

Of course you weren't thinking of him.

***

Hyunwoo's last day of work before Christmas lands him at your house. He'd overheard from Ana that you were arriving very early the next morning, which meant he wouldn't be there when you were, and not knowing when you returned to school caused a slight air of disappoint to settle around him as he worked.

The weather restricts what he's capable of, so it's a few weeks longer than usual before he can return and he works a little later into the evening than normal. By the time he finishes the sun has set and the cold air is nipping at his cheeks, turning them pink.

He tidies his gardening equipment and heads inside to tell Ana he's leaving. She wishes him Merry Christmas and pulls him into a hug that colours his cheeks even more. "Oh! Hyunwoo?" She asks as he's at the door, ready to go home. He turns expectantly. "Can you leave me your phone number? I'm unsure what date Mr Kim wants you back in the new year." She smiles.

"Oh," says Hyunwoo dumbly. "Don't you have it already? I'm sure I gave it to you when I first started."

"This is embarrassing," Ana laughs. "My son bought me a phone. I can't use it for the life of me and I accidentally deleted everything a few days ago. I don't even know how I did it! I'm too old for modern technology, I think."

Hyunwoo smiles warmly at her. It's exactly the kind of thing his own mother would do and he feels a rush of affection. "Of course I can leave you it. If you need any help with your phone, I can do that too. I'm a pro at it."

He scribbles the digits on the post-its next to the phone and goes home for the night.

***

The text is sent on New Years Eve (technically New Years Day) but Hyunwoo only reads it when he wakes at 2pm, nursing a rather brutal hangover. He'd celebrated perhaps a little too hard with Minhyuk and the boys and barely even remembers going to bed. He rubs his tired eyes and re-reads the message several times.

from : unknown number happy new year hyunwoo!!! Hope your xmas was goood - y/n

from : unknown number ps - stole your num from ana I asked where you were and sshe said i missed y5tou

He chuckles at the typos, assuming there must have been some alcohol involved with the sending of these messages. Hyunwoo of course replies.

from : hyunwoo happy new year too lady hows xmas break?

from : y/n good boring cant wait to go back to school Im nursing a hangover from heeeellllll

from : hyunwoo haha i gifrued figured* me too tbh, i'll be hiding from the world today

He spends the rest of the day lazing in bed and occasionally swapping texts with you. The conversation is light, like acquaintances catching up, which is what he supposes you are. He can't deny that it's nice to hear from you. It's even nicer that you think of him when you're drunk. Drunk thoughts speak that of a sober mind.

He wants to see you but unfortunately doesn't get to. You're back at school by the time he has returned to work.

***

The girl from college is persistent, he'll give her that. There's nothing wrong with Kia, other than the fact that she's a little too eager than what Hyunwoo is usually used to but he accepts it regardless. Somehow he finds himself sleeping with her on a regular basis. It's a little selfish of him which he knows. But lately he's been feeling lonely, overworked, and she gives him all the attention he could ever ask for with very little effort on his part.

The sex improves since the first time so it becomes a thing. He tries not to look too deeply into it. By March they've been hooking up for well over a month.

He doesn't tell her about you. Not that that he's trying to hide anything per say; he just doesn't feel it's necessary. Especially because the conversations that he shares with you are far more interesting, now that he texts with you semi-frequently. Kia doesn't need to know about every single friend of his, he rationalizes.

Although he makes a distinct effort not to text you when he's with her.

You make him laugh. Like, really laugh. So much so that you rival Minhyuk's spot in his life. When you're away from your family you're a different person. Still you, but the version of you that's a little brighter, a little happier, and much more unrestrained than you are at home.

Even captured in the selfies you send you radiate more. He doesn't tell you (or anyone for that matter, he'd rather be caught dead) but he's been saving every image.

You tell him about your life in greater detail. He finds out that you spent Christmas with Ana and her family, since your father worked and your mom seeks warmer weather at that time of the year. It makes his heart ache slightly, he always has a wonderful day with his parents and a life without that seems a little sad. He's happy you have at least some family in Ana.

Hyunwoo cares. His thoughts drift to you often these days, more notably when he's working at your house. He can't even look at the poolhouse or the sun loungers without having flashbacks of you on your back for him. God, he wants to do it again. The need grows more and more the longer you talk.

When you phone him one night late night, practically purring the words, "I've been thinking about how we almost fucked in the garden." He knows it's over for him. He listens to you make yourself cum over the phone there and then and promises you, he'll have your body again as soon as he's able.

***

The next time you see each other in person it's April. Seven whole months since you'd fucked. He's finishing work when you appear, almost coyly hovering around the back entrance of the main house. He suspects you've waited for him. Hyunwoo grins reflexively when your eyes meet.

"Hey, you." You smile widely, tucking hair behind your ear.

"Hey lady."

Both silent for a few moments, simply taking each other in. Obviously he's seen pictures of you but the real thing is so much better. Your hair is longer, darker and your makeup is different but he still thinks you look gorgeous. A wave of confidence takes Hyunwoo.

"Want to hang out?" He asks before any inane small talk can ruin the moment. He knows how you are, you spoke this morning. You nod excitedly.

"I was hoping you'd ask." You tell him.

He's not ashamed of the car he drives, but he is when he knows you'll be in it. He's seen what occupies the twelve car garage. The kind of cars he would dream about as a young boy, and the worst part about all of it is they rarely get driven. To him that's the definition of insanity.

The back passenger window doesn't work on the old jeep and the leather is ripped on the drivers headrest but Hyunwoo takes care of it, so it drives fine. It gets him where he needs to go, so he's unbothered by the appearance. In a perfect world he'd drive you in something flashy.

You say nothing about the lack of extravagance, you hop inside with a beautiful smile. He likes that about you.

The plan is to go for dinner but somehow you never make it, ending up at Hyunwoo's modest apartment. It's a simple one bed with a tiny kitchenette. It's not much but he's worked hard to keep it.

"This reminds me of my dorm!" You laugh when you're inside. He incorrectly makes the assumption that you're insulting it but you reassure him. "It feels more like home than my parents house." You say gingerly with a touch to his arm.

His response is to kiss you and hoist you up, wrapping your legs around his waist. From the many phone sex sessions that have transpired between you, he's learned alot about what you like in the bedroom. He spanks your ass check with a slap, hard enough to sting. You audibly hiss.

You're in a dress again and he thinks it's intention was purposeful so he could have faster access to your most intimate parts. In no time at all you're pinned on his bed, both hands above your head held there by his own larger palm. The other is pushing your panties to the side, giving access to his bare dick.

Fuck me fuck fuck me, you chant, and he does. You look like such a mess for him, dress pushed up, hair fanned out across the pillow.  You guide his hand around your throat, forcing him to choke you. He almost cums when your gasping breath tells him to spit in your mouth.

When you touch your clit and cum he does as well. He couldn't hold off even if he tried.

He kisses you softly, in stark contrast to how rough you had just encouraged him to be; then you whisper, "I missed you."

***

He spends two complete days in bed with you. Kia calls him several times but he never picks up. You give him a curious glance when he turns the phone face down each time, yet you say nothing.

The only time you leave his apartment is to get food. Hyunwoo holds your hand in the supermarket without thinking about it, he just wanted to touch you. You pay for the entire shopping and he wishes you didn't but he supposes you don't think about these things in the same manner as he does.

When you leave (and it's only because he's working at the restaurant and had no choice but to part ways) he drives you home and watches the entire way as you walk up the drive, wishing he could have you back already, hoping there's not some college boy miles away thinking the same thing.

***

It's only five days later when he's scheduled back to work for your family. He's more than a little distracted after seeing you through the kitchen window. A small, discrete wave from you to acknowledge his presence. He knows there's not much time left before you're due back at school for the last term before summer.

The familiar tradition of lunching together is shared outside today. Pleasant sunshine basks down on you and Hyunwoo can't stop looking at you even as he eats the food you've prepared. "What?" You ask with a shy laugh. "Is there something on my face?"

"I just like looking at ya." He laughs and your cheeks tinge adorably. How can you be so cute yet so dirty? It's like he has the best of both worlds with you at times. The contrast drives him wild at times.

"Can we spend some more time together before I go back to school?" You ask him. For a moment he can't focus because you're eating a strawberry and all he can think about is his dick in your mouth. "Hyunwoo?"

"Yeah, course." He responds, blinking a few times. "Come over tonight?"

He wonders what the household think when you leave together at the end of the day. Surely they would not approve of this? A sad thought enters his mind; it's possible your family are too self absorbed to notice, let alone care. Ana however gives the two of you a friendly knowing smirk when you share your goodbyes.

Hyunwoo ends up making a stopover at the beach, a change of heart hitting him as he drove in the setting sunlight. There's a certain spot he started visiting when he first moved out and was overwhelmed by the stress and cost of being an adult in this world. He's never taken anyone there but he thinks (hopes) you'll like it as much as he does.

"We're at the beach." It's not so much of a question as a statement and you give him a confused look.

"Come on." Is the only instruction he gives you, clambering out of the jeep.

The ten minute walk from the car to very end of the beach is passed in comfortable silence. There's a bit of climbing involved up some rocks and a slightly steep sandy slope. Hyunwoo goes first so he can assist you up too. This secluded part of the beach is peaceful and he's watched many a sunset here.

You join him in the sand when he sits, resting your head on his shoulder. "Why did you bring me here?"

"It's one of my favourite places and I wanted to share it with you." He doesn't need to explain any further. You nod.

"Thank you."

He watches the sunset with his arm around your shoulders. When it's almost dark Hyunwoo leads you back to his jeep. You have sex on the backseat. It's different this time, tender and sweet, touching each other as if you're both virgins cautiously but eagerly mapping each other's bodies. All he thinks about on the journey to his place is how much he likes you.

***

When you're thousands of miles apart the distance somehow feels greater this time. During the day you cross his mind often but it's worse at night, when he's alone in bed, craving the warmth of you body next to his. Sometimes he looks, then re-looks at the selfies you've sent.

He hasn't kept track of when he last spoke with Kia. It's only when she sends him a particularly bitchy message does he remember that he's unintentionally being ignoring her for as long as he has. When he sends her an apology, citing work and family as an excuse she asks to see him.

He's in two minds about it. One, he's lonely, horny and missing you. However the topic of being exclusive never came up, not that it should. It's new territory. For all he knows some frat boy has you wrapped around him right now. The thought makes him prickle with jealousy.

So he accepts Kia's invitation.

***

"What are you grinning at?"

Hyunwoo looks up, trying to hide his smile when Minhyuk speaks. "Nothing." He lies. He's texting you and you just told him how you accidentally waved at someone who wasn't waving to you and now you're moving country and changing your identity before you die of embarrassment. Another thing he likes about you; you're not afraid to laugh at yourself.

"That means it's a girl!" Minhyuk teases with a laugh. "The chick from college?"

"Uh, no." Hyunwoo replies, avoiding his friends gaze. "Someone else."

"Oh." Minhyuk is surprised. "Who?"

"You know the people I sometimes do gardening and shit for? The daughter."

"Oh shit," His friend laughs. "Risky."

Hyunwoo agrees, adding. "We haven't really tried to hide anything. I don't think her family notice much. It's kinda sad."

"How can you be sad with all that money?" Minhyuk scoffs. Like Hyunwoo he comes from a family that had little to none of not just money, nearly everything. He doesn't work two jobs like Hyunwoo but he works even longer hours to sustain himself. "Crying in a ferrari. Boo hoo."

"She's not like that. Her family sure, but not her."

Minhyuk can tell he likes you. "She's special." He doesn't ask, he just knows Hyunwoo so well that he doesn't need it confirmed by the older male.

"Yeah. She is."

***

He hasn't heard from you in over a week which is highly unusual since you've been messaging or calling each other daily. It's making him a little restless but he reassures his anxious mind by reminding himself you're almost finishing school and you're probably just busy. Kia is a distraction right now, nothing more.

His phone rings while Kia is in his shower. She's going to want to stay the night but he really isn't that interested, right now he wants to be alone. Normally he doesn't speak to you when he's with her, but this will be his first chance in a long time so he takes the call.

"Hi lady, it's been a while." He answers.

"I know," You groan. "Finals. I had to turn my phone off because it was distracting me. I had a meltdown this week."

His first thought is relief. The second; he wishes he could have been there for you.

"I'm sorry," He means it. "How are things now?"

"One more exam then I'm done. No future break downs planned." You announce and he can hear you smile.

"Good."

"What are you doing right now?" You ask. He hears the shower shut off and Kia step out.

"Nothing." Technically it's the truth. "I missed you." He adds lowly.

"Me too, Hyunwoo. Is it weird that you're one of my closest friends?"

"You're one of mine." He says confidently.

"I wish you were here."

Kia re-enters his bedroom in a towel, giving him a quiet smile when she see's him resting against the headboard in the middle of a call. Hyunwoo swallows thickly. "Me too."

"I want to see you, can we face time?"

He knows what that means. More often than not your video calls to each to one another ends in a very explicit manner. He looks at Kia who is redressing. God, he wishes he could say yes.

"I..can't right now, I've got company." He adds lamely because he doesn't want to lie to you.

"Oh." The disappointment in your voice is prevalent. "Ok. Maybe another time."

"Yeah." He wants to say more, so much more, but he knows Kia is listening and doesn't feel like an argument.

"It's okay if you're dating y'know." You add, to his surprise. "I didn't exactly think you were some celibate monk every time we were apart."

He laughs at that. "I assumed you weren't either."

"I wasn't." The past tense confuses him. "Been too busy for that lately."

"I bet."

"No one fucks me like you do though," You laugh and he can't help but smirk. "Anyway, I'll let you go. I've got some stress to relieve anyway." He doesn't miss the innuendo. "And Hyunwoo?"

"Yeah?"

"I'll be thinking of you when I do it."

Fuck. He hold back a groan. Now that the image is in his head it's the only thing he wants to see. He gulps. "I always do."

When you've hung up he tells Kia in the kindest possible way he's tired and it's best if she goes home. He senses her unhappiness and he feels a little guilty but not for long.

***

The day you arrive home for the summer Hyunwoo realises it's been ten months of fucking, phone sex and talking about nothing and everything til 2am with you. He's not working today and offers to pick you up from the airport. He knows you could easily have someone on your father's payroll fetch you but you agree nonetheless.

At baggage claim you don't even greet him, flinging yourself into his arms instead. There's a kiss that's all too passionate for such a public space but neither of you seem phased. It's clear that you're just as eager as he is.

You smile at him when he carries your bags for you, loading them into his trusted jeep.

"Can I tell you something?" You ask as he drives. He nods. "I haven't told my parents but I've been working while I've been at school."

You hadn't told him that either. As far as he knew you wouldn't really have to work ever if you felt so inclined.

"I've saved everything. Every single penny I've earned."

"How come?" He's never discussed money with you and he feels awkward.

"Because I don't want to spend my life relying on them." You say simply. "After I finish school next year I'll be free."

Free, he thinks. He notices how ignored you are at home and how unhappy you are there. If you want to be free, Hyunwoo wants you to be free too.

***

You spend more nights with him over the summer than you do without. He doesn't tell you but he broke things off with Kia a long time ago. It's you, and it's been you for a long time. At the beach you tease him and ask him if the other girls like this spot as much as you do.

"I've never brought anyone but you here." He admits.

"Oh." You look surprised. "I thought..."

"Nah," He tries to make it sound more casual than it is. But it means something. You both know it. He laces his fingers through yours. "Just you."

Over the summer a few freckles have appeared on your shoulders as the two of you have spent a lot of time in the sun and he kisses them while he's got you in his arms. You sigh in content and lean back against his chest. He wants to tell you he loves you, has done for quite some time but doesn't want to force it.

You're the one. Not in the conventional sense where he's blindly assured that you're definitely going to get married and grow into old age together. No. How can anyone know that for sure?

You're the one in the sense that you make him happy to wake up each day. It's effortless and it's easy and you've never once held any of his choices against him. He'd do anything for you before any other girl. That's why you're his one. He just needs to tell you now.

MASTERLIST

[prongsmydeer]

Ayesha Liveblogs Oh My Ghost (2018) Ep. 1-8

As a precursor to the mildly harrowing journey I’m about to take you on, you should know that I initially liveblogged this in a Discord chat, so what I liveblogged is purposely not emphasizing some of the stranger elements of this show. Anyway, I thought, well why not have this fever dream live on my blog too. Spoilers ahead, but as I’ve said: it’s not that I recommend this show, but I did watch the whole thing

This woman is chanting at a rooftop altar in a lightning storm so I'm guessing she's responsible for the horny ghost

Just as I was pondering the fact that this is the only piece of Thai media I have consumed in which the main characters are not, to my knowledge, mlm or wlw, the next three characters to appear on screen were all gay (I do think they're just bit roles and not important characters but it was funny timing)

Update: God this is the second show premised upon Magical Virginity set in Asia I've seen in the past few months; r u ok Thailand and Japan

In an ironic twist of fate, she can't go to the afterlife unless she has sex with someone.... as a ghost????

I don't care for most of the chefs in this kitchen; both the sous-chef and executive chef seem to physically intimidate staff below them 

In more fun news Jiw, the shy main character, seems to see all sorts of dead people, since she is currently being haunted by spectres other than Horny Ghost, who has not yet met her

Grandma's explanation for why Jiw sees ghosts is that it's hereditary

UNBELIEVABLE SOMEONE HAS REFERRED TO HER AS A HORNY GHOST ON SCREEN

I'm oddly endeared by this sudden auto-rickshaw-chasing-a-taxi shenanigan, makes me miss India a little

“The onIy thing I can’t let go now is just that” It appears that the fact her virginity is relevant not because it's part of some greater Thai ghost lore, but because she specifically really wants to have sex but died before she could. The Horny Ghost Title prevails

It has been implied that Sun the Executive Chef may somehow be one of the 1-in-ten-million-men who could withstand having sex with a ghost, I now understand the trajectory of this show

“If one day you happen to possess someone who has exactly the same frequency as you, you will never be able to leave that body” The heavy-handed exposition is great

Reasons I Do Not Trust Sun the Executive Chef: 

1) He seems p harsh with his staff

2) He was rude to his mum

3) He doesn't like rice!!!! Who do u think u are!!! Gluten-intolerant???

Oh my goooood, I think Win the Handsome Restaurant Staff Who Studied Abroad (who I have been rooting for since he was introduced purely because he's handsome) might be Jiw's love interest hkjhgkjhgkhg

It might be a love square!!! Jiw and Win falling for each other while Horny Ghost tries to get with Sun the Executive Chef

“You know why I don’t like you?” SUN YOU ARE HER EMPLOYER!!!

He's right but he's rude 😔:

“A woman shouldn’t have scars on her hands” The context of this comment is that Jiw has just spilled hot soup on her hands kjhfkhfjhf sorry Sun, femininity isn't flame-retardant

Sun's tragic backstory is that he was also once a crybaby who apologized too much

Though in fairness to Jiw, if I were seeing ghosts and had this kind of work culture, I'd be stressed out too 

Jury's still out on Sun; I do like Sun's sister and her husband, they both seem very nice so far

I'm confused by the fact that Jiw's landlord seems to barge into her place anytime he wants??? Also he's threatening her to evict her for her Ghost-Be-Gone-Rituals   

The first actual hint of romance: Sun is commenting on Jiw's food blog, which he doesn't know belongs to her, bc he thinks her recipe and passion for cooking is nice

KUHHGDKJHGKJDHGKJHSJDKHG Horny Ghost has now possessed Jiw and has just THROWN SUN TO THE GROUND for trying to root through her purse for the storage room key

My guess is that the Horny Ghost will try to get with Sun the Executive Chef, while inhabiting Jiw’s body Greed-from-FMAB-style

Ep 2: Horny Ghost is attempting to figure out what Jiw's job is in this restaurant while still impersonating/possessing her

Barely ten minutes in and she has already challenged the sous-chef to a fight

Horny Ghost’s only priorities are fucking and fighting

God it's so hard get through this show it's too embarrassing

POOR JIWWWWWW SHE DOES NOT DESERVE TO HAVE THIS PERSON IN CHARGE OF HER BODY JGHKJHG

Jiw has been saved from further embarrassment because Sun has been taken into the police station. Bc he firmly escorted a food blogger out of his restaurant in ep 1 for yelling at his staff and now she's filing false charges against him. Whack

Why is there a shower in the back of this restaurant??? I was willing to accept the lockers for their stuff but the shower perplexes me. Was this building formerly a gym??

And yeah I don't know if I'll make it through this whole show bc I have to pause every minute or two to be embarrassed

TOOK 1 MINUTE FOR JIW TO SHOW UP IN THE SHOWER

I feel all of these emotions

Horny Ghost!Jiw is taking Handsome Study-Abroad Win on a date; I feel bad for both Jiw and Win bc I think they have a vibe going on hgkjhgjh

Executive Chef Sun is solving his B Plot problems by leaving fake positive reviews about his own restaurant

Sun is mad at his mom for settling his legal dispute bc she wasn't there when he was a Sad Little Rich Boy (Now he is simply a Mad Tall Rich Man)

I keep forgetting that the Sous Chef's name is Rain; hgkjhgkjhg I wonder if Sun hired him for the comedy of it

Oh with added context Sun and his mom had a rough go of it actually, she had him young and sent his sister to live with their aunt and kind of really did leave Sun to fend for himself

SUN MADE A FRIEND

Sun's mom and Horny Ghost's Nemesis (Auntie Pu) are hanging out bc Sun's mom is very superstitious

Also dear god these episodes are each an hour long???

An earlier sidenote: There was a scene where Auntie Pu seemed to be heckled by God for her inability to catch Horny Ghost

Executive Chef Sun is now shooting a cooking competition and Rain has been thrown out by security so I'm guessing that Sun and Horny Ghost will be ✨ live ✨ on ✨ television ✨

So the theme of the cooking competition is Mom's Home Cooking and they've mentioned like 3 times that Sun's mom never cooked anything for him

I know this is supposed to be a sad moment for Sun but I'm cracking up bc he reacted like he'd just been shot kghkjgh

Horny Ghost is helppppppppppppppppping!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh noooooooo the sad old man restaurant owner having a hard time with his business who they occasionally cut to is Horny Ghost's dad, it seems!!

You know, ironically even though the other Thai media I've watched has been set mostly coming of age/university stories, this is the first thing aside from Love of Siam that has  put such emphasis on the parents. Most other media has been ‘1-2 parent scenes in the whole thing is enough’

HORNY GHOST HAS REGAINED SOME OF HER MEMORIES AND NOW HAS A NAME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HER DAD CALLS HER 'KAOPOON'

Awww Dad's Restaurant used to be so bustling with life when Kaopoon was still alive 💔

Kaopoon's obnoxious personality really suited her old life!!

What an unexpected turn towards sincerity and emotional depth

In more light-hearted news, Sun is still vain as hell 

Also shout-out to Thailand for the adult orthodontics representation kjhkgjh I noticed this in 2gether as well, it seems a p common thing

Kaopoon has made the bold choice of hanging out of with her dad and snooping through her old room. I can only imagine this will lead to a fight with her brother, bc she has Jiw's face

OH MY GOD KAOPOON HAS BEEN STEALING FROM SUN'S RESTAURANT TO GIVE STUFF TO HER DAD'S RESTAURANT KJHFKHGK

Another ongoing subplot mildly stressing me out: Sun's sister Nam is married to a policeman and it turns out that Kaopoon used to have a crush on him when she was alive and I'm like DON'T FLIRT WITH HIM IN JIW'S BODY PLEASE DON'T NAM IS HER FRIEND

Sous Chef Rain is being a real bro to Horny Ghost Kaopoon and saying “We should all be held responsible so we don't lose our trust in each other” to which Executive Chef Sun says “that makes you a thief,” bc being rich makes u lose empathy I guess lmao

🎶 This is I why do not trust the Bourgeoisie 🎶

Executive Chef Sun is now expressing his regret for firing his Sous Chef to his dog, who, while doing nothing but eat, has stolen the scene and any of my sympathy

Whoops Horny Ghost's brother is about to reveal her Restaurant Crimes to her boss, I'm pretty sure

I hate that Horny Ghost's brother keeps insinuating that Horny Ghost/Jiw is seeking a “sugar d*ddy” or flirting like can't people just be nice jghjkg? I hope that Sun realizes now that family or not, she was being kind, not stealing for self-gain

This is so fucking funny Sun found out about Jiw/Horny Ghost's restaurant crimes, seemingly forgave her on the spot for no good reason, and hired Sous Chef Rain back only for the rest of the restaurant staff to immediately begin muttering about how much they hated Rain hahaha

I'm beginning to think Sous Chef Rain has a weird passive-aggressive crush on Executive Chef Sun. I would support it only bc I find them both exhausting and the comedy of two people named Sun and Rain falling in love is great

Rain: We have a strong bond. Stronger than friends, family or brothers. Sun, and also me: 👀🤔

“I helped you fix things with Rain,” said Horny Ghost Kaopoon, as if she had not also been one of several sources of conflict at her restaurant. (Also this dialogue is part of her drunkenly coming onto Sun.. which is quite something to watch)

Study-Aboard Win Who Probably Has Feelings for Real Jiw to the rescue

God, who has the mental strength to get through show all at once? Really and genuinely every time this show gives me a false sense of normalcy they do something embarrassing dhfjhfjk where is the pay-off? Where is the romance??

Sun's childhood friend Ida  who seems to have a crush on him tried to invite him up to her apartment [Tiktok voice "I wanna ruin our friendship"] but he said nah so now he's standing in the rain thinking about their history

First of all, sir, you are 30, so I don’t see the point of trying to pretend the same actor makes sense in a school uniform. Second of all, is wearing glasses and having bangs all that it takes to make you unpopular? What kinda She's All That nonsense??

Sun's argument for denying the booty call is that they should've dated in university but now they've missed their moment

Horny Ghost has just found out her Cop Crush is married (to Sun's sister) and Sun has just rejected himself from the Friendship Booty Call, so I wonder if they're going to have Sad Sex in the Rain

Update: No one is having sex in the rain but Horny Ghost Kaopoon has just been kicked out of her apartment and is now going to sleep in the restaurant I guess, this should end well

Sun definitely has a weird crush on Horny Ghost bc he keeps letting her get away with all kinds of shit kjhgkhgkgh she has punched him, stole from him, come onto him strongly, and snuck into the restaurant at night and she's just like “~~please chef 🥺” and he's like “FINE 😤😊 you can do whatever I guess”

That said despite taking it fine he did not let her stay the night at the restaurant so I guess that's the one thing she's not allowed to do jghkhgg 

Uhhhhhh it seems like the Cop Crush is reciprocated???????? Kaopoon/Jiw was like “You must love her a lot” and he was like “who” ABOUT HIS WIFE!!!

Sun has gotten caught up with Jealousy Antics towards Childhood Friend Ida and now Kaopoon is attempting to blackmail him to let her stay at the restaurant lmaooo

Okay Win his definitely in love with ONE of the two (Sun or Jiw/Kaopoon) bc Jiw/Kaopoon slept in the restaurant and everyone's like “Oooooh Chef and Jiw got lucky last night” and they had a lingering shot of Win looking longingly in their direction

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Sun just kissed Jiw/Kaopoon bc of a fever-induced hallucination I bet u $85 that Ida is about to walk in

Kaopoon has confirmed that Sun is Ghost-fucking Proof and now she's 100% Mission Sleep with My Possessee's Boss Before I Get Turned Into an Evil Spirit in Two Months

She just straight up asked him, “Will you do it with me? Just once?”

Sun, emotionally, at this particular moment: [Donkey Kong meme]

(As an aside I really wish Kaopoon were not up in everyone's grill romantic advance-wise this is straight up worse than an anime in that sense)

Oh my god is this how they actually become friends?????? By her chasing him around asking him to fuck and him going “NO” and then physically rolling her away from him

I DON'T UNDERSTAND YOUR DYNAMIC!!!!!!!! WHY IS THIS WEIRD FUCK-PROPOSITION MONTAGE SET TO SUCH PEPPY MUSIC

I have now pivoted and I think Cop Crush may have murdered Kaopoon???????? Auntie Pu (Horny Ghost Kaopoon's Nemesis) just said his identity was death and suspicious music played

OH MY GOD FOR SOME REASON SUN UNPLUGGING HIS PHONE CHARGER HAD THE COSMIC EFFECT OF REMOVING HORNY GHOST FROM JIW'S BODY???? WHAT!! WHAT!!!!!!!!

Every time I think "that's it, I'm done with this" they keep pulling me back in!!!

DGhfjdkjk?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! They just made Cop Crush run over an unhoused man's recycling??? I guess to establish that we shouldn't trust him??? What is the writing on this show!!

Dkjhgsdkjhgkjh a Canadian character has appeared for some wonderfully stilted English dialogue:

Sun: How's Canada sir?

Canadian Ambassador: Canada was very cold, but it's good to be back

Sun: It sounds like fun anyway!

CA: It is! It's always fun!

Sun: Ok!

JIW HAS ACCIDENTALLY SET FIRE TO THE BACK OF THE RESTAURANT AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I figure if I power through the show the psychic damage will be shorter term

Also I think Sun has accosted Real Jiw for a psychiatric evaluation bc of her reasonably erratic behaviour

To add to the layers of this show, Jiw and Sun are back to interacting via her recipe blog and he's all like “wow this internet gal is my soulmate 😍“ like the dumbass he is 

Not to detract from internet relationships or anything, but they've exchanged ONE comment

They're having at least a minute long back and forth of cutting to these two staring stupidly into the distance thinking about each other

Kaopoon's father seems to have alcohol poisoning and Cop Crush just left him in the back storage closet on the ground????????????? Heavy-handed murder foreshadowing I think

Kaopoon saved her dad by possessing Jiw again; as much as I understand why she did it I really do feel bad for Jiw bc Kaopoon keeps living her life for her, you know? Seems unkind

Sun just offered to train Jiw/Kaopoon to be a chef (which Jiw really would want to do) but will Jiw be present for it? Hard to say!

SURE YOU WERE LIEUTENANT MURDER

It's been narratively established that Jiw does not remember what happens while she's been possessed so it makes the possessions that much sadder. Particularly since everyone but Win seems to like Kaopoon better

Bc this show needs at least four dramatic plots per episode, Sun has invited his childhood bullies to his restaurant to mock them passive-aggressively with his wealth

The bullies are like: Hey Sun, your childhood trauma's really harshing the vibe

Sun found out his Main Bully (Big) is really not doing well income-wise and now he feels slightly bad for mocking him with his wealth

Clearly Sun has not caught onto the Horny Ghost Situation

Oh my GOD “I spring up every time you talk horny because I’m scared of your words” Sun really said: ‘Well mark me down as a scared AND horny’

Auntie Pu whacked Horny Ghost out of Jiw on the way to their Spring Roll Not-Date so Jiw will finally get to experience some chef stuff with Sun

Sun, despite his reservations, seems to have a crush on all of Jiw's various personalities

He's playing guitar for Jiw through their shared apartment wall just bc she stopped on the street bc she saw a guitar player 🥺❤️

Real Jiw really likes him!! This is the Thai Jamie Oliver bullshit I signed up for

SCREAM he's trying to take Real Jiw on a bike ride kjhgkjhgkh what a quit pivot from his standoffishness to “I will be involved in every aspect of your life”

This biking day concluded in a way I could not have possibly predicted which was, as an interruption to their flirting, they had to high-speed foot chase a bicycle part thief, which they caught because Real Jiw BIT HIM on the leg

And Sun, because he is OUT OF HIS MIND, is just kinda like: “Love that for you babe 🥰”

OKAY SUN YOU MAY HAVE ONE (1) BOURGEOSIE PASS

The Jiw/Sun/Ida stuff finally comes to a head because Ida brought him a cake but Jiw and Sun are already sharing a cake (and restaurant-apartment building)

“Think of it as... helping a hungry policeman” EVERYTHING THIS MAN DOES IS SO FREAKING SUSPICIOUS

Somehow I don't think this is a reasonable request, Kaopoon

Things have escalated and now Auntie Pu, Kaopoon and Jiw are all on Team Sun Should Have Sex with Horny Ghost

I'm gonna power through as much of this show as I can at once so on it goes lol

I kind of understand Sun's "I'm not going to deal with this" way of approaching romance but man it sucks to be Ida who has tried to be pretty forthright with her feelings

So apparently Sun's sister Nam has not always had a wheelchair, she only had it starting three years ago, which is when Kaopoon died,,,,, did Cop Crush murder Kaopoon AND injure his wife,,,,, the stank vibes!!!

As weird as it is that Kaopoon and Jiw are working together to seduce Sun, it's exactly what I wanted and thought this show would be from the beginning

Win said all women are queens 😌❤️

Rain:  Why are you protecting [Jiw as Kaopoon]? Is she your girlfriend or something? 

 Win: Do I need to be her boyfriend to do that? Fine, I'll be her boyfriend then

Sun purposely did not give Win the prize in their Friendly Vacation Cooking Competition because he is jealous that Jiw and Win seem to be flirting; this man said my love language is Passive Aggression

They're going on yet another couple's bike ride (this time ft. Horny Ghost Jiw, which Sun simply canonically thinks is a product of mania, which is fair I guess)

Nam's friends are talking about the person who did a hit and run to Nam getting karmic justice while Lieutenant Murder sits there, probably the one that did it

Lieutenant Murder (formerly known as Cop Crush) just keyed his wife's friend's car because they need to establish that he is not only evil, but also a run-of-the-mill dick

Gsdkdhgkhgkh Kaopoon as Jiw has been trapped inside a storage crate by a tween girl who can see ghosts and u can this is set in Thailand (or Asia generally) bc they cut to this temp gauge like 10C is a really threatening temp. Girl it's chilly but you are fine!!

Sun said, "I am in love with all sides of Jiw, Aggressive Horny Ghost I Think Is Mania included"

[verobatto]

Destiel Chronicles

(Vol. XXV)

It was a love story from the very beginning.

There was no time to say 'I'm sorry'

(7x01/7x02/7x03/7x05)

Hello my dears!! This is a new meta from my Destiel Chronicles. We will start with season 7, is gonna be a short road, I calculated a total number of six metas, so.

I want to say thank you to my friend @agusvedder , she made the gifs for this era and discussed some matters.

Okay! Let's start!

You're Not my Cas

After Cas became Godstiel, Dean noticed the big change. He wasn't Cas anymore, even his voice was different, and he'd said Dean wasn't his family.

In episode 7x01 Meet the New Boss (written by Sera Gamble) he have Dean trying to avoid Castiel's topic by trying to fix Baby (a symbolic representation of Dean's heart). Baby is broken, like Dean (bc of CAS) and he's trying to endure it. And he uses this as a distraction too. That's why when Bobby came to see him, he asked him...

BOBBY: So, you fixin' her or primal screamin'?

This is a great point of view here, if Baby is Dean's heart and he's trying to fix it. He's yelling at it. To get better quickly. To forget about Cas and his betrayal. To recognize Castiel isn't his Cas anymore. And now he's a monster and he has to stop him.

Then they start to talk about Cas, and this is the interesting part...

BOBBY: I don't even know what books to hit for this, Dean.

DEAN: Well, figure it out! I'm sorry. This ain't in no book. If you stick your neck out, Cas steps on it. So you know what I'm gonna do?

BOBBY: What?

DEAN: Imma fix this car. Because that's what I can do. I can work on her 'til she's mint. And when Sam wakes up, no matter what shape he's in, we'll glue him back together too. We owe him that.

Again, the car, his heart. He's gonna fix it, because he needs that fixed and patched, and renewed because he knows what he has to do about Cas. So he needs not to feel a thing about him.

He knows how to do that. How to fix things that hurts his heart... He pushed those things down, and deep... But he won't be able this time ( as he will say it in 7x17), because is Cas.

Then, Sam wakes up and...

Again to the car. Because Sammy put his finger in that wound... And Dean is still trying to fix it...

And Because you're not him, I'll try to kill you

Ok, now... The News...

And Dean shutting down the TV because, he knows Cas is young and sexy, he knows more than anyone, because he feels sexually attracted to him, but that, isn't Cas, so... Stop saying things I know about my Cas, I know he's hot, but this one, isn't my Cas.

He shuts the TV, angry and hurted, and he goes to fix his Baby/Heart again.

But while he's fixing Baby, he's hearing the new on the radio, to follow Castiel's steps... Godstiel is targeting motivational speakers.

SAM: Motivational speakers?

DEAN: Yeah, I'm not sure new Cas gets irony any better than old Cas. Of course, old Cas wouldn't smite Madison Square Garden just to prove a point. He is off the deep end of the deep end. And there's no slowing down.

Dean was able now to separate OLD CAS (his Cas) and NEW CAS (the monster they have to kill). His brain is doing this to help him to take the hard decision.

But Sam is the one here that can't lose his faith on Cas, he tries twice to convince his brother to speak again with Godstiel, and Dean explodes, because he was trying so hard to take this decision, and he doesn't need hopes or faith in Cas again.

SAM: Okay.

DEAN: Hand me that socket wrench.

The car again. His heart.

Dean is spilling the very hurtful thoughts he was ruminating the whole time while fixing his car/heart, yeah, that's the thing that huts him so much, Cas isn't coming back. This is not Cas. He betrayed us.

And then, when he vomited all that, he came back to fix his heart, trying hard to do it. The symbolism is exquisite and sad at the same time.

Then, Dean devised a plan to kill Godstiel by slaving Death. They asked Crowley's help, and they summoned Death.

And Godstiel enters in action again. And when se sees what Dean was doing... He said this...

CASTIEL: I didn't want to kill you, but now...

DEAN: You can't kill us.

CASTIEL: You've erased any nostalgia I had for you, Dean.

So... Godstiel had some nostalgia about Dean, because when he was CAS, they shared something profound. Is like someone remembering his ex.

But he gets more mad at Dean when the hunter orders Death to kill him, look at Godstiel's face. And look at Dean face. He's able to do that bc he had in his head a voice repeating him He's Not My Cas.

He can't believe Dean wants to kill him.

He vanished, and Dean's hopes to defeat him too. Even with Death giving them another plan... Dean is devastated.

Sam still believes in Cas

Then Dean is drinking, because he lost any hopes, but Sam, He's trying hard. He still believes in Cas, he has hopes, so he prays to him...

SAM: Hey, Castiel. Um... Maybe this is pointless. Look... I don't know if any part of you even cares, but, um, I still think you're one of us, deep down. I mean, way, way, way off the reservation, but... Look, we still have till dawn to stop this. Let us help. Please.

Sam believed Cas is still there, his part of the Team Free Will. And he had right there.

Castiel came back to his senses when he gets possesed by the Leviathans he carried inside of him. He lost control and kills innocent people. That's what makes Cas coming back. His vessel is very damaged, but he listened Sammy's prayers... And he went to him.

Dean is there too, look at his worried face, looking at Cas in that shape, and the camera focused on him immediately after showing us Cas. Is because his reaction is more important than Sammy's. But Cas was answering Sammy's prayers, so he named just Sam. Because Sam still believes in him. And Castiel asks for help.

There was not time

When they were about to re open the doorway to Purgatory, Castiel is ashamed and he wants to ask for forgiveness, but there's not time.

CASTIEL: If there was time, if I was strong enough, I'd -- I'd fix him now. I just wanted to make amends before I die.

DEAN: Okay.

CASTIEL: Is it working?

DEAN: Does it make you feel better?

CASTIEL: No. You?

DEAN: Not a bit.

A huge thing like this doesn't fix in seconds, or minutes. It requires time to talk. But they didn't have that. Cas was trying to use the few seconds he knew he had to give a good end to that. He knew he was about to die. So he tried hard, but human's feelings are not that easy to fix. Even Cas was experimenting those human's feelings too.

When they opened the gate, and Cas was about to expell the would into the Purgatory, he gave what they thought was one last look at Dean... And he said it...

With such sorrowful face, Dean echoing the sadness in his face too. A painful ending? Not... There will be more ...

Castiel's Death

Cas fell to the ground, and Dean is terrified.

DEAN: Cas?

BOBBY: He's cold.

DEAN: Is he breathing?

BOBBY: No.

Okay, this is Dean denying Castiel is dead. Bobby said HE'S COLD, and Dean was like is he breathing? And when Bobby said he didn't, Dean went with that excuse... And Bobby had to be more specific. Cas is gone.

And Dean breaks in anger again... But not for so long... Because CAS wakes up.

DEAN: Damn it. Cas, you child. Why didn't you listen to me? Cas?! Hey! Hey! Okay. All right.

The reproaches again

CASTIEL: That was unpleasant.

And again, for a few seconds before the Leviathans take control over Castiel's vessel, he tries to enmend things with Dean. Is the only thing he had in his head an heart.

CASTIEL: I'm ashamed. I really overreached.

DEAN: You think?

CASTIEL: I'm gonna find some way to redeem myself to you.

(And he will by the end of this season 😏)

DEAN: All right, well, one thing at a time. Come on. Let's get you out of here. Come on.

Dean is not saying he won't forgive him. He just need him to be safe. He died and now he's back. He knows they can fix things... But is sad... Because the Leviathans made his entrance right in that moment.

In episode 7x02 Hello Cruel world, Castiel dies.

We had Cas dying in that river... And the scene with Dean taking his trenchcoat. He lost Cas again. This time for real.

He breaks...

And Bobby tries to comfort him, as he will do through the whole season...

DEAN: Okay. So he’s gone.

The sadness in Dean's face is huge.

BOBBY: Well, he was friends with us, wasn’t he? Can’t get much dumber than that.

After this, Sam and Bobby are worried about Dean, and Bobby tries to talk with him, but Dean avoids the topic faking he's ok, as always.

DEAN: (...) I’m not Sam, okay? I keep my marbles in a lead friggin' box. I’m fine. Really.

BOBBY Of course. Yeah. You just lost one of the best friends you ever had, your brother’s in the bell jar, and Purgatory’s most wanted are surfing the sewer lines, but yeah, yeah, I get it. You’re – you're fine.

Then Sam and Bobby sent Dean to a hunt alone, because they knew he needed some distraction. They knew Dean was grieving, in his weird way to grieve.

We will see Dean drinking a lot of alcohol in the nexts episodes as a scape from his thoughts. This Will be very recurrent in this season.

Mirroring Destiel

I'm gonna talk in this last section about two Destiel mirrors in the following episodes to Castiel death.

One was settled in episode 7x03 The Girl Next Door.

If you recall this episode was Sammy's first love when he was a teenager and he was hunting.

But first of all I want to mention some interesting scene, Dean had a fracture after fighting with one of the strongest Leviathans (Edgard) in Bobby's place. His house was burnt and they thought Bobby was dead (foreshadow of it ofc), but when they were in Rufus's cabin, Dean was watching a Latin novel, and Bobby enters and this was the peculiar dialogue...

DEAN Dude... Ricardo.

BOBBY What happened?

DEAN Suicidio.

BOBBY Adiós, ese.

DEAN looks very moved at what has happened on the screen.

Ok, why would I put this here? There was a woman embracing his dead lover in her arms, crying bc he had committed suicide. And Dean was moved about that.

Lovers separation by death of one of them... Suicide specifically, like Leviathan!Cas killing himself in the river... Do you got the picture here?

And btw Sam goes to the groceries shop, Dean asked pie but. .

DEAN Where's the pie?

SAM I got cake. It's close enough, right?

Okay... Dean ate the cake... If we know the cake represents Dean's queerness and hanger for CAS... 😏

Okay, back to Sam again...

He was hunting a Kitsune, but he fell in love with the Kitsune's daughter.

When her mother discover that she tried to kill little Sammy, but the girl stabbed her in the heart. (Hello Destiel recalling).

She rebelled against her mother and her lore for Sam. (Sounds familiar?)

When Dean discovers Sam didn't finish his job again he decides to kill her.

Because he knows how hard is try to kill the person you're in love with, even when that person becomes a monster... He knows.

So he did it instead Sammy. And he lies to him. That will be one of the topics for the whole Wincest subtext (very blantant this season).

Ok... Jumping now to episode 7x05 Shut up Dr. Phil ...

Remember this one, two witches in love, they were a couple for centuries... They were fighting because Maggie Stark (the witch) thought Don Stark (his husband) was cheating on her (misscomunication) and Sam and Dean get in the middle and they decided to interview. And read what Dean said... People... He's talking about his experience with Castiel here...

DEAN:Look – obviously, you two are capable of wiping each other out, right? But you haven't, huh? Which means that you two – you still value whatever it is you got. A-and you want keep that dance going. Maybe it's – maybe it's punishment. Maybe it's – it's sick, messed-up, erotic, kinky, clamps and feathers kind of love.

What-the-hell!!???? I said to myself... Do I need to add something here? He said fighting is sick, messed up erotic/kinky/feathers and love in the same sentence!

Ok Dean... Tell us more... 🤣🤣🤣

This line was juicy...

To Conclude:

Castiel's death was a huge traumatic experience that leads him to depression and alcoholism, but he pushed that down and avoided it as always.

There was two Destiel mirrors in the two following episodes after Castiel's death reflecting their story and Dean's inner truly and repressed feelings for him.

I hope you enjoy this first meta from season 7! C-u in the next Chronicles!

Tagging @weirddorkylittlediana @whyjm @legendary-destiel @a-bit-of-influence @thatwitchydestielfan @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover @lykanyouko @evvvissticante @savannadarkbaby @angelneedshunter @trickster-archangel @dea-stiel @poorreputation @bre95611 @thewolfathedoor @charlottemanchmal @neii3n @deathswaywardson @followyourenergy @dean-is-bi-till-i-die @hekatelilith-blog @avidbkwrm @anarchiana @mishka-the-angel-of-saturday @dickpuncher365 @vampyrosa @foxyroxe-art @authorsararayne @anonymoustitans @mybonsai1976 @love-neve-dies @wildligia @dustythewind @wayward-winchester67 @angelwithashotgunandtrenchcoat @trashblackrainbow @deeutdutdutdoh @destiel-is--endgame @destiel-shipper-11 @larrem88 @charmedbycastiel @ran-savant @little-crazy-misha-minion @samoosetheshipper

@shadows-and-padlocked-hearts @mishtho @dancingtuesdaymorning @nerditoutwithbooks @mikennacac73

If you want to be tagged in this metas just let me know!

Buenos Aires August 21st 2019 8:48 PM

[janiedean]

JB THE MUSICAL TENTATIVE SETLIST

... so this week me and a few anons were discussing crack plots and THIS came up, and now I sat down and I thought about it and hahaha here we go guys have what I came up with for the possible mamma mia!jb au except that it has springsteen songs instead of ABBA because that’s how I roll. this is the tag if anyone’s interested in what madness came out of that, but anyway I did come up with a plot with songs so here’s the thing.

the musical is obviously called tunnel of love because reasons.

people actually in it: brienne, jaime, their OC daughter [catelyn jr for this exercise], catelyn, tyrion, jon connington, loras, brynden tully, possibly selwyn

plot, numbers & so on:

ACT ONE

in pure rent style because I’m that bad with musical, we open with all everyone minor characters; save my love;

the scene opens in the island of tarth, where brienne is shown working at a bar covered in rock singers’ posters and getting helped by her seven year old daughter in the background cleaning tables or something, while her boss catelyn looks at her and tells her story; a good man is hard to find (pittsburgh) [obv with reworked lyrics];

cat jr goes back upstairs since they’re about to open, brienne asks for a small break, goes out on the beach, stares longingly at the ocean and wishes to have back the happiness she had once that while she loves her daughter she hasn’t quite managed to grasp yet though we still don’t know what it’s about; hello sunshine

brienne goes back to work, we move to cat jr - she wonders where her father ended up since brienne never told her who he was while she rustles through stuff in the attic and finds some half-faded letters sent to a couple men years ago and she wonders if one of them might be her father - she finds the addresses and writes them figuring that one of them might be and she wants to see her mother happy, so what’s the harm?; waitin’ on a sunny day;

first guy who arrives is joncon who tells her that no, he’s actually her godfather but he knew her mother for reasons and wonders at how long he’s been far from the island but he had to get over his bf who didn’t love him back; my hometown

second guy shows up and he’s renly who also confirms that he’s the other godfather and one of brienne’s oldest friends but maybe she should look a bit deeper to find her real dad and when she does things will go admittedly better - brienne will find her guy again same as he’ll find his guy at some point; two hearts;

cat jr goes back to the attic to look up for more clues and ends up finding a picture of brienne with two guys one of which was torn off but the other is there and wait he has her hair - it’s tyrion, who she assumes is her dad. she asks renly and jonc to help find the address and writes him and he gets there in time for her birthday, but when he arrives he tells her that no, the dad is actually his brother but he’s delighted to have a niece; surprise surprise;

at this point cat wants to know the backstory and why isn’t her dad there. the other three guys look at each other, sigh and tell her that well it happened years ago when they all were on vacation on tarth same as the whole of the lannister family....

IMMEDIATE FLASHBACK where we see younger jaime and brienne meeting at some beach party and jaime asks her to dance; tougher than the rest (jaime only);

she accepts even if she can’t believe it [he’s coming out of Bad Cersei Relationship News so he’s kinda fucked up but he honestly wants to leave her behind], they ended up having sex; cover me [jb duet];

later tywin finds out and forbids jaime from seeing her except that brienne who at that point wanted to be a singer and had regular gigs at catelyn’s bar comes up with a scheme to smuggle him out and have a night out with both tyrion’s help and the bar’s patrons etc; rosalita (brienne mainly + tyrion/jonc/renly + jaime getting himself dragged out of the house);

after that, they discuss running away together; thunder road (duet);

FLASHBACK ENDS, we’re back on the island where brienne finds out everyone showed up and she’s like yeah no I’m not calling him again, tyrion tries to tell her that it didn’t end badly because of the reasons she assumes, she cuts him short and says that she knows she’s going to end up alone and it’s fine, she always knew; when you’re alone;

at that point shit happened in between and renly started flirting with loras who’s another new bar patron, jonc started flirting with cat’s uncle, brienne is taking herself out of the equation, tyrion is flirting with bronn ie the local cop or something, ends up with choral number with reworked lyrics for spirit in the night, end act one.

ACT TWO

always rent style, opening number with everyone going for tunnel of love;

we open up straight somewhere else where jaime is on his own, living in some shitty small apartment having lost a hand after enrolling with the army after things went sour with both brienne and his family; born in the USA;

jaime muses about how things ended - basically cersei ruined stuff for them going to brienne and telling her about their rship and jaime had gone after her to call it quits after arguing with brienne on the beach about it but then brienne wouldn’t take his calls anymore and he never had the guts to go back. he receives a letter from tarth from tyrion who tells him he has half a chance in hell of fixing things and he hopes he can manage; back in your arms;

meanwhile on tarth cat jr is like shit this place is so boring will I ever get out of here did you three have such an interesting life until now, tyrion/jonc/renly explain her that when she leaves it’s better if she sticks to being herself rather than conforming to other people’s standards; growin’ up [all four of them]

meanwhile brienne is on her break again and is missing jaime horribly bc tyrion brought it all back and wishes she could get out of this damned impasse that her life became; badlands;

jaime arrives on tarth without brienne knowing and immediately meets his daughter and learns her middle name is actually jamie and realizes brienne named her half after him and is Overwhelmed As Fuck and swears that he’ll try to do right by her; living proof [both of them];

at that point though jonc and renly are like yeah we’re the godfathers though thank you and they all assure her that they’re going to be in her life; I’ll stand by you, [all three of them];

brienne finally learns that jaime is back and she’s not exactly that hyped because she thought he left her for c. and then she realizes he’s missing a hand and they have a heated-ish confrontation; for you [duet];

jaime is despairing that he’s ever going to win her back after she tells him he’s too late, everyone else assures him that if he goes for it convincingly he still has a shot; wrecking ball [everyone but jb];

jaime feels somehow better for that and gets his spirits back together; my love will not let you down;

jaime organizes things with cat and brynden so that evening while brienne is out serving drinks at the bar he shows up on stage like HEEEY I have to tell you something and tells her he still loves her and wants to get it started again between them; mary’s place [mainly jaime, everyone else does backup];

brienne is still like OH MY GOD SHOULD I, jaime proposes; i wanna marry you;

brienne decides that damn it she still loves him and he obviously means it so yeah sure she’ll marry him; leap of faith [jb mainly, everyone else choruses]

closing number with everyone having paired up etc with born to run.

... THERE THAT’S YOUR MUSICAL

[thecatladyknits]

last week i had a bit of a revelation about my job. or, at least, feelings i’ve been having finally crystallized. i think i’ve been half ignoring and half misinterpreting.

this job isn’t the right fit for me... and that’s okay. 

our team lead sent us a career aspirations document, to step back and think about your career goals overall - not specific to your current role. the first question smacked me in the face.. 

“What have been the highlights of your career over the past two/three years?”

i’ve been in this job for 3.5 years and i could not think of a single thing i felt was a highlight that was actually part of my “day job”. i had to think really, really hard to even come up with anything. what i came up with were things i got to do on the side, as professional development and working with a new person who has become a very important mentor to me. 

it's no secret that i have been struggling for a while, and i have been attributing it to a lot of different things - early hours, working from home, depression, having trouble adjusting to the move, my boss seeming to criticize me a fair bit... things that cause me to blame myself for being weak, dumb and just bad at this job. not that those things don’t also play a contributing role, but the job itself being unsatisfying is pretty fucking significant and i haven’t been acknowledging that.

realizing that i’m not enjoying this job, it’s not my strongest skill set and i’m truly just not interested in growing in it is huge and a relief. i’m not getting better at certain things because i don’t care and am not interested. like, i’m not getting better at making strategic presentations for leadership. why? i don’t care about

‘corporate strategy’. it doesn’t mean anything to me. i’m a tactical thinker and worker and i know everything is politics, but i’m not in any way interested in being a political player about ‘strategy’. if i think of the next ‘stage’ of this job, it would be my boss’ job which i DO NOT want and actually kinda terrifies me. please leave me 10,000 miles away from that.

i had a discussion with my assigned ‘mentor’ (not my manager; the company does a weird thing with performance reviews) last week. i was really nervous that she would be like UM BETRAYAL or like YOU’RE A FAILURE FOR NOT PROGRESSING but i shouldn’t have. she was like “wow this is a big reveal...” but not mad or critical. she was very much like, if you are feeling so frustrated and drained, these aren’t your interests, and you’ve really been trying, it doesn’t make sense to keep stressing yourself out.

it was a good discussion and a big relief. i know that it doesn’t mean i immediately get to stop this dumb role and have someone just give me a job i want. but it’s a big step for me to personally realize and to like officially tell people at my job. i’ve been stressing and worrying and when i search for jobs externally, the things that appeal to me are NOT what i am doing now. 

that part is also incredibly scary. i don’t want to keep doing what i’m doing, but i have the most immediate experience in it. how would i make the case for a new position to be like “hey i haven’t done this in a few years / only lightly did it, but i really want to get back to it / do it in more serious depth.” that part ALWAYS sucks.

anyway this is long enough. i’m glad that i had this realization and i hope things will get better. bc i have really been struggling and floundering and blaming myself. maybe i can do something else at this company; maybe it means i have to move on. but the first, best, and easiest thing to do first is to try to get help and guidance from those closest to me (professionally). we’ll see....

[bartsugsy]

The Robron Break-Ups : A Definitive Guide (Part Five/Five Hundred probably)

Part One / Previous Part / All / AO3 

Ah yes, it’s that time again: time for me to literally recap Robert and Aaron’s storyline and pretend it’s for any reason other than “I wanna”.

Let’s just rename this whole thing to The Robert and Aaron Love Story: A Tale of Mess and Suffering™ and be done with it.

In this part, we move swiftly on from the Era of Donny and into what I tend to class as my favourite era (…nah that’s fucked up lo).

Thank you, as always, for the comments/likes/kudos. You guys honestly make me feel slightly less guilty about spending this much free time on something this self-indulgent. I love you all.

We left our heroes (so to speak) in the midst of a The First Real Break Up. They’re not spending much time together and Robert is out for revenge on Adam Barton for cheating on his little sister and knocking up Vanessa.

Yeah. The irony.

…Let’s not think about it. Instead, let’s get straight down to, at last, another reunion… which is then immediately followed by The Second Real Break Up. And oh fuck, this one is worse. 

Actually, this is a post of nothing but honourable mentions, ending in one spectacular, monster of a proper break up. Buckle up, kids! It’s Lodge Time!

Part Five: Love, Lodge and (attempted mans)Laughter

Honourable Mention #12: 8th June 2015

We left off with Robert, who is trying to send Adam to jail for cheating on Victoria, which isn’t even a slight overreaction and is completely reasonable. Adam and Vic have a whole plot that culminates in the two of them running away to get married because they’re pure and adorable and in love and because Vic almost manslaughtered Ashley.

There’s loads of drama and it’s great and Robert has terrible hair but he’s all about helping his sister - and blaming her boyfriend in the process. He vows to send Adam to the police in Victoria’s place regardless of what she wants - Vic obviously doesn’t approve and tells him so. Robert’s response is the verbal equivalent of a shrug. Between this and the just as vocal, if not as cartoon villain cruel, disapproval of both their families, Adam and Victoria make the decision to not let anyone in on the plans when they elope.

ALSO SCRAPPY THE DOG IS THERE RIP SCRAPPY U WERE A GOOD BOY

In fact, Aaron and Finn are the only ones who know anything at all. As they’re leaving, Adam and Vic send texts out to everyone they love - Vic texts Andy with a sweet little “I love you but we want to get married, sorry x”, while Adam texts Robert “Get nutted.” True poetry.

Upon receiving these texts, Rob and Andy go racing off to the scrapyard, where they are met with a smug Aaron and an adorable Scrappy (COME BACK BOY). Robert and Aaron go back and forth angrily at one another and Rob is all “I can see where your loyalties lie” while looking IRRITATED AF that said loyalties no longer lie with him.

Aaron immediately counters with a threatening little “You what?” and Robert instantly looks back at Andy, suddenly remembering just how much he can’t actually afford to piss off Aaron, because Aaron knows too much. He does a swift U-turn and instead tries to play to Aaron’s sympathies, because that’s always worked so well before, and says that he just wants to protect his sister. Aaron, naturally, doesn’t believe a word which pisses Robert off again and he ends up threatening Aaron -

Well. He says “When I find them … you’re in as much trouble as they are.” Which. As threats go. Not really Robert’s most inspired. Aaron acts like he isn’t bothered, calls Rob “mate” about a hundred times over to really emphasise the “WE’RE NOT BONING ANYMORE” aspect of this whole conversation and Rob and Aaron keep going at it and getting more and more pissy until Aaron throws his tea onto the ground next to Robert’s probably expensive shoes and retreats back into the Portacabin.

Andy reappears suddenly because oh yeah, he’s still there. We all almost forgot amongst all that sizzling hatred. Andy is as oblivious as the rest of the village bar Katie (rest in peace). Robert looks #shook because Aaron used to love him ok and turns around and vows to kill Adam. Which is. You know. Again. Completely reasonable and not at all unhinged.

Although honestly, given what he gets up to in the rest of this part, it really is but a gentle blip on the Robert Sugden 2015 Scale of Violence and Terror™.

Honourable Mention #13: 9th June 2015

Robert decides to take matters into his own hands, as Robert is wont to do. He breaks into the Portacabin while Aaron’s out and searches the place, on the hunt for Victoria’s phone, which has been left in Aaron’s care (because Vic seems to think Rob, Diane or Andy would have the know-how to track her via Find my iPhone or whatever. I guarantee that none of them would.)

He finds it and goes to leave - just as Aaron is returning with Scrappy (so much Scrappy content, this is truly a highlight). He runs back to a desk chair and tries to act like a chill person who is absolutely up to only good things. Aaron is not even slightly surprised to find Robert sitting at a desk (the desk that will one day be Robert’s what a true blessing). Rob tries to act like he’s there to charm his sister’s whereabouts out of Aaron and let’s be real here, deep down he wants that shit to work.

It doesn’t, because Aaron has been there, done that enough times to know better by this point.

So Rob’s charm doesn’t work and Robert makes a swift escape, Vic’s phone safely in his pocket. It takes Aaron exactly 1.75 seconds to realise that something is up and he immediately checks to see if the phone is still there. Aaron… knows Robert so well. I’m emo.

Rob goes straight back to the Woolie to hang with Andy because appaz they’re buddies at the moment. He fills Andy in and reveals that he has sent a text to Diane from Vic’s phone, pretending to be Vic, to keep Diane in the dark while he tries to sort everything out himself.

Aaron comes marching in and demands Robert return the phones. Robert is all geared up and ready for some aggressive, sexually charged and evasive banter. Unfortunately, that’s when Andy decides to pipe up and full on accidentally admit that Robert has the phone, because the Sugden brother brains weren’t divided equally in the not-even-same gene pool jackpot of their lives.

It’s great though, because Aaron places his hand next to Robert’s head and leans right down into him and starts growling, basically. Andy doesn’t even question this because Andy literally has never cared less about anyone’s love life than he has about Robert’s, let’s be completely honest. He does not care enough to even question the fact that Aaron is literally sticking his face into Robert’s face. He doesn’t give one shit lads.

Robert does though because Robert absolutely still wants to be boning Aaron. Aaron has no intention of getting anywhere near that D though, so. Here we are. Sexually charged, angry growling.

I mean, I’ll take it.

Honourable Mention #14: 15th - 25th June 2015

Aaron and Andy, ever buddies, later meet up and try to get information out of each other - Andy wants to know where Victoria is and Aaron wants to know why Robert is sending texts to Diane from Vic’s phone. This morphs into a great conversation about Robert (or rather about how much Aaron does not trust Robert). Poor, easily influenced Andy then asks Robert about Aaron the next time he sees him - he wants to know why Aaron seems to hate Robert as much as he does. Robert’s on the spot excuse is that Aaron doesn’t like Robert acting like the boss at the scrapyard.

I guess Andy hasn’t yet realised that literally the only time Robert gets involved in scrapyard business is when he’s trying to find a reason to get Aaron to talk to him.

Later, Rob invites himself into the pub back room and sort of flirtily confronts Aaron about it all. Aaron is, as ever, completely Over It and refuses to play along with whatever game Robert is trying to start. Rob uses his soft voice and tries to convince Aaron to tell him where Victoria is and Aaron is all “u have such a nice smile i guess i’ll tell you, she’s in Birmingham… lol jk UR NOT THE BOSS OF ME ANYMORE”. Rob gets angry and Aaron acts completely unphased, but as soon as Rob walks away, Aaron’s face drops and he looks the complete opposite of unbothered.

He’s great at putting up a grumpy front, our Aaron.

Anyway, Andy gets the idea that Cain knows where Vic and Adam are and says as much to Robert, which sets Rob down a fateful path of winding Cain the hell up - something he will soon find out is decidedly not a good idea.

Related - Chrissie has this whole plot about wanting to speak to Aaron and feeling suspicious and then for literally NO DISCERNIBLE REASON WHATSOEVER Cain and Chrissie make out in the garage??????? and Harriet, who is being paid by Robert to follow Cain and find Victoria, takes pictures.

LOOK I KNOW CHRISSIE IS HOT AF BUT CAIN IS MARRIED TO MOIRA AND

IT JUST DOESN’T MAKE SENSE?????????

It does result in some iconic™ scenes though so I can’t be too mad at it.

Rob unknowingly ~~~charms~~~ the photos of them kissing out of Harriet and looks SO UPSET because KARMA HURTS DOESN’T IT ROB

IT HURTS LIKE A BITCH

He makes Harriet give him copies and sits around just staring at them, pondering his options.

The option he ends up choosing is blackmail. He full on decides to blackmail Cain, who naturally doesn’t want Moira to find out about his absurd and ridiculous indiscretion. He pulls the most ICONIC STUNT OF ALL TIME by inviting Cain and Moira round for a lavish dinner under the guise of making a business deal and OK OK I KNOW THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ROBRON BUT IT’S INCREDIBLE SO JUST STICK WITH ME HERE OK

Lawrence and Chrissie are HELLA SUSPICIOUS of Robert because they know him and also HELLA UNCOMFORTABLE - Lawrence because he’s a classist asshole and Chrissie bc she snogged that dude not 24 hours ago.

As soon as they’re all sat down, Rob goes and stands in a hallway and texts Cain with the photo of he and Chrissie making out. Everyone is all ~~~hey Cain why are you all quiet hmmm~~~ while Cain stares absolute daggers at Robert and his smug face.

Turns out Cain doesn’t appreciate being ambushed and as soon as they both excuse themselves, he shoves Rob against a wall. They have some hilariously weird banter and it’s just g r e a t and I WANT THEM TO HAVE SCENES TOGETHER ALL THE TIME.

ANyways, Rob threatens Cain and goes on another rant about his current arch-enemy Adam and basically says FIND OUT WHERE THEY ARE OR I’M TELLING UR WIFE THAT U SNOGGED MY WIFE FOR NO GOD DAMN REASON

Also then Chrissie pops up and Rob decides to confront her about it too. Rob is all upset and angry and LITERALLY SAYS THE WORDS “I WOULD NEVER DO ANYTHING LIKE THAT TO YOU”

IN FAIRNESS HE’S BEING TOTALLY HONEST - ROB WOULD NEVER STOP THE CHEATING AT JUST A MEANINGLESS KISS

Anyways, Rob continues to go about his days, looking like he’s having the fucking time of his life having the upper hand against Cain - he loves feeling like Top Dog, our Rob, doesn’t he? Also Rob makes a HILARIOUS NUMBER OF INNUENDOES and it’s all just hilarious.

Never one to be one-upped, particularly by someone who gets as quickly and recklessly out of his depth as Robert does, Cain finds out where the missing delinquents are through Finn and finds out that they’re planning on getting married. He goes back and tells Robert this, who instantly flips out because, again, he has a hilarious vendetta against Adam.

LONG STORY SHORT, Rob gets too power mad and pushes Cain too far and also decides to wreck the wedding, which Cain reckons Moira will hate -

And honestly, every person with a logical brain thinks that Robert is being INSANE -

So Cain kidnaps Robert.

Naturally.

The rest of the family make it to the wedding and it’s awesome and hella dramatic. Cain rocks up at the end of the wedding and Aaron ends up opening the boot of his car, only to find Robert, tied up and gagged, and not in a fun way.

(There’s no way that’s their kink, honestly - they’ve got too much irl experience with it involving other people at this point).

Honourable Mention #15: 25th June 2015

Aaron is NOT ABOUT this kidnapping business because he is a good person and actually no it’s totally because he still loves Robert. He LOVES ROBERT AND HE IS VISIBLY UPSET ABOUT CAIN’S PLAN TO BEAT THE SENSE OUT OF HIM AND IT’S JUST AMAZING IT’S AMAZING.

Cain takes Robert and Aaron to a random warehouse because Cain probably has access to at least 75% of the warehouses in Yorkshire. He ties Robert up and threatens him and Rob is smug as anything. Aaron is all STOP MOUTHING OFF ROBERT YOU ARE GOING TO GET HURT and Cain makes Aaron wait outside. Aaron looks reluctant but does it anyway and the SECOND Aaron is gone, the smug smile drops right off Robert’s face. Rob tries to bargain his way out of it but… well. It doesn’t work.

Aaron stands outside, hearing Rob’s screams of pain, and looks flipping distraught.

Cain manages to get Rob’s phone passcode out of him so that he can delete the pictures, but Rob starts stupidly threatening to kill Cain, which he doesn’t take too kindly to. It’s at this moment, right as Cain is about to start up round two, that Aaron bursts in and makes Cain stop. He unties Robert, holds him up, says he’ll tell Moira that something is up if Cain doesn’t let them go and eventually shoves Cain into a wall, locks him in the warehouse and he and Robert escape - in Cain’s car.

Aaron eventually gets Robert home and Rob is all “thanks xoxo it’s nice to know you still care about me” and Aaron DOES NOT EVEN REPLY BECAUSE AARON NEVER STOPPED LOVING ROBERT and instead asks why he was ever stupid enough to even mess with Cain. He’s all “YOU SHOULD BE MORE SCARED OF HIM UR GONNA GET HURT AGAIN OH AND BTW I DO NOT CARE ABOUT YOU HOW DARE YOU EVER IMPLY THAT I AM JUST A GOOD PERSON DOING THE RIGHT THING”

Only his facade is slipping right off because not even Robert believes Aaron - he says as much and Aaron doesn’t even respond, just disappears into the night and leaves Robert sitting there, bloody but smiling in the Home Farm kitchen because sure, he may have gotten beaten up today, but he also knows - he knows - that Aaron’s cold front has warmed up just the fraction high enough that he’s got another chance.

And really, that’s all Robert ever wanted.

A little while later, Chrissie walks in on Robert looking all broken and bruised and looks shocked which, by this point? It’s a bit much, she’s seen him looking like this so many times. He actually tells her a very stripped down version of the truth and just looks all sad - which only gets worse when Chrissie lets slip that Victoria and Adam did in fact get married.

Ever the drama queen, Robert gets up and limps his way over to the Woolie, where they’re having their reception/post-court hearing party. Rob goes for Adam and Victoria tells him to leave and eventually, Aaron yells at Robert and tells him to go, which Robert actually listens to. Aaron doesn’t even sound particularly vitriolic bc l-o-v-e.

Cain wanders in and forces Aaron into the back room - because lest we forget, Aaron locked him in a warehouse and stole his car. Cain punches Aaron, who refuses to back down - he tells Cain that he won’t let him hurt Robert - that Cain doesn’t need to, because Aaron has something on Robert far, far greater than anything Rob could possibly have on Cain.

He’s not wrong.

ANYWAY IT’S ALL ICONIC AND AARON IS CRYING AND LIKE YEP ROBERT WAS HAVING AN AFFAIR…. AND IT WAS WITH… M E.

The next day, Cain confronts Robert because of course he does. Rather than immediately label Robert as ‘gay’, True Ally Cain Dingle says that Robert bats for both teams, which I appreciate.

Poor Robert appreciates it… less.

On the one hand, poor Robert keeps getting outed, which sucks. On the other hand… k a r m a.

BUT NO NO NO I JOKE BUT I GENUINELY FEEL BAD FOR ROBERT IN THIS CASE OK I REALLY GOD DAMN DO

He immediately goes to confront Aaron, absolutely furious that Aaron outed him and they have… such an honest conversation it’s actually REALLY FUCKIN TRIPPY.

Rob says “do you have any idea how scared I was yesterday?” and my heart starts the hurting train that it ain’t gonna get off for the rest of the scene. AND THENNNN ROB, HURTING AND ANGRY, MAKES A DIG ABOUT AARON EUTHANISING JACKSON AND AARON UNDERSTANDABLY SHOVES THE LITTLE FUCK AGAINST THE DOOR.

God bless the wall shoves.

Rob is all THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS TO PPL YOU LOVE - which, no rob aaron literally had nothing to do with cain kidnapping you - but again, Robert is angry and upset. He doesn’t understand that  Aaron outed him more out of desperation more than anything else - because it was the only way he could ensure Cain wouldn’t go find Robert and finish the job. He literally says that he wanted to save Robert because of how he ~~~FELT~~~~ (luv that past tense mmhmm) about Robert.

What Aaron doesn’t understand, can’t understand, is that Robert is afraid that Cain is as heartless as Robert is. Rob knows that if the situation were reversed, he’d milk the knowledge of Cain’s sexuality for all it was worth (see: how he treated Lawrence). He’s terrified that Cain is going to use it against him - that it will all eventually come out and Robert will “have to choose”.

Oh Rob. Oh babe.

Oh and then he calls Aaron pathetic again and says ~~you’ll be sorry~~~.

Over the next few days, Rob spends a bunch of time trying to get Aaron to “talk about the scrapyard accounts” with him for probably no reason other than being annoyed at him. Cain is loving his life and making Robert just randomly pay for stuff for him to wind him up. Also, Larry is starting this whole scheme to invest in local businesses for the tax break.

Aaron spends all this time preoccupied by this mess he’s caused for Robert and tries his best to help. Aaron ends up telling Cain to leave Robert alone. Cain reassures him that he’s not going to do anything, but that Aaron should leave Robert alone as well. AS WE ALL KNOW, WHENEVER ANYONE TELLS AARON TO STAY AWAY FROM ROBERT, AARON DOES THE EXACT OPPOSITE. Aaron ends up getting HELLA PISSED OFF at Cain and…

Look, we’ve seen this before. We all know how this ends.

Cain takes one last trip to see Robert, all GIVE ME 17 GRAND AND STAY AWAY FROM AARON FOREVER AND I WILL LEAVE U ALONE. Robert… does neither. He does buy Moira a new grain pit though.

Ah. The grain pit.

Honourable Mention #16: 7th - 8th July 2015

So. Moira needs help at the farm. Robert volunteers to help Andy out for reasons. In unrelated news, Aaron is also helping Andy out.

Andy can’t quite believe it, because Robert never does manual labour. What Andy does not yet realise is that Robert doesn’t do manual labour unless Aaron is involved (and even then it’s touch and go). THEY HAVE A WHOLE CONVERSATION AND ROB TALKS ABOUT HOW HE NEVER WANTED TO BE A FARMER AND MENTIONS JACK AND u just gotta love a casual Jack Sugden shoutout.

ANYWAY ANDY GETS ROB SOME OVERALLS AND AARON IS LIKE UH ARE YOU SURE WE NEED TO INVOLVE HIM AND IT’S BEAUTIFUL AND FILLED WITH SEXUAL TENSION AND I CRY

AND THEN THEY HAVE A BUNCH OF SCENES WHERE THEY STAND REAL CLOSE TO EACH OTHER AND STARE INTO EACH OTHERS EYES WHILE THEY TALK ABOUT FARMING

AND THEN OK OK OK SO THEY FINISH UP THE DAY - ANDY, ROB AND AARON - AND ANDY IS ALL “LADS! LADS! LADS! CHEEKY PINT AND BANTS DOWN THE LOCAL AYYYYYY” AND ALSO LIKE “BLESS U ROB IM PROUD OF U FOR PROVING U CAN DO THE HARD GRAFT” AND AARON IS ALL “I SHALL BE HERE TOMORROW ALSO SO THAT I CAN SHOW ROBERT HOW IT’S DONE THIS ISN’T SEXUAL”

AND THEN ANDY LEAVES AND IT’S JUST ROB AND AARON AND AARON IS LIKE “IM GONNA GIVE THESE DRINKS A MISS” AND ROB IS LIKE “BC CHAS WILL ASK QUESTIONS”

AND AARON JUST SAYS “I DON’T NEED THE HASSLE”

NOT: NO I CAN’T STAND U AND HOPE U DIE

NOT: I WOULD RATHER FEED MYSELF TO SHARKS THAN SPEND ONE MOMENT OF MY FREE TIME CHILLING WITH YOU

JUST: MY MUM WILL GET SUSPICIOUS BC WE HAVE THIS HILARIOUS HABIT OF FALLING BACK INTO BED WITH EACH OTHER THE SECOND ONE OF US SMILES AT THE OTHER

NBD

AND THEN ROB IS LIKE :) GUESS IT BETTER STAY OUR LITTLE SECRET HMMMMM AND THEN HE LEAVES

AND AARON’S FACE

LIKE

THEY BOTH JUST

K N O W

SOMETHING IS GONNA HAPPEN

AARON KNOWS HE’S PLAYING WITH FIRE AND HE CAN’T STOP HIMSELF FROM DOING IT ANYWAY

BECAUSE HE’S FUCKIN IN LOVE WITH ROBERT AND ALSO IT’S BEEN A WHILE OK HE’S A GROWN MAN AND HE HAS NEEDS

GUYS I LOVE THIS STORYLINE SO MUCH

AND ALSO THEN AARON GOES HOME AND SPECIFICALLY DOESN’T MENTION THAT HE’S BEEN HANGING ABOUT WITH ROBERT

CHAS FINDS OUT ANYWAY THO BC OF COURSE

Of course she does. She and Paddy have a worried little pow-wow and Paddy goes on Mission Abort Robron. He has a little chat with Aaron, who doesn’t want to hear the lecture and starts deflecting back onto Chas and Paddy. Again, because telling Aaron what to do always goes down like a pile of lead, it doesn’t work. The next day, Paddy, undeterred, decides to bunk off saving the lives of dying animals and instead vows to follow Aaron and Robert around and watch their every move, in an attempt to keep them from doing the nasty.

CASE IN POINT, Aaron is chilling in Moira’s kitchen, probs playing a game on his phone. Rob walks in and takes his Rolex off. Aaron is all “how do u know someone isn’t gonna nick it” and Rob is all “dw babe I TRUST U (also it’s insured)” and then Paddy just BURSTS IN LIKE THE LEAST SUBTLE MOST AWKWARD INTERLOPER SINCE TIME BEGAN.

Aaron and Rob know what he’s doing immediately, but then Andy walks in and is, in true Andy style, entirely oblivious to anything else that might be going down. Paddy is all AARON IS GONNA HELP ME OUT FOR A BIT BECAUSE AARON’S GOOD WITH DUMB ANIMALS, THERE’S A BIT OF AN ATTRACTION.

SICK FUCKIN BURN PADDY, TAKE THAT ROBBO YOU SUCKA.

(Aaron doesn’t find it quite so funny bc he doesn’t like being told what to do and also because only he can insult the love of his life thx v much Padders)

ANYWAY PADDY IS ALREADY FAILING HIS ANTI ROBRON CAMPAIGN BECAUSE HE LEAVES THEM ALONE AND

LIKE

THEY’RE ALREADY TALKING IN “US” AND “WE” TERMS OK IT’S A DONE DEAL THEY’RE FUCKIN BOYFRIENDS AGAIN WELCOME TO THE NEW REALITY

Rob is all “What’s his deal?” and Aaron is like “he doesn’t trust us” and Robert just SMILES and says “we’re too old for babysitters aren’t we?” and look IS IT JUST ME OR IS EVERY SCENE IN THIS STORYLINE THE MOST SEXUALLY CHARGED SCENE YOU’VE EVER WATCHED

THEY JUST

KEEP STARING AT EACH OTHER

KNOWING THAT SOONER OR LATER (SOONER) THEY’RE GONNA HAVE MORE MINDBLOWING SEX AND IT’S ALL GONNA BE GREAT

ALSO SIDE NOTE, ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE VILLAGE DIANE HAS A QUICK RANDOM CHAT WITH LARRY AND CHRISSIE ABOUT ROBERT AND DIANE SAYS THAT ROBERT IS “A GOOD KID” AS LONG AS HE’S GOT SOMETHING TO OCCUPY HIMSELF AND THAT WHEN HE’S BORED, THAT’S WHEN HE’S TROUBLE

WHICH IS SOMETHING I ALWAYS MAINTAIN IS TRUE - ROBERT NEEDS SOMETHING TO DISTRACT HIMSELF AND IF HE DOESN’T HAVE THAT, HE WILL FIND SOMETHING AND THAT SOMETHING IS USUALLY SOMETHING STUPID AND/OR RISKY

A BORED ROBERT IS NO ONE’S FRIEND

(unless there’s someone around he can be romantic with u know)

Anyways.

Robert and Aaron low key flirt in front of Paddy and Paddy is like OK BUT WHAT IF U STAY AWAY FROM HIM and Aaron is all THERE’S NOTHING GOING ON IT’S FINE

And literally in the next scene they’re sitting next to each other, drinking tinnies. Paddy walks up just as Rob is all OK WHAT IF WE GO GET A DRINK AY and Aaron takes one look at Paddy and makes the instant decision that he is a GROWN UP WHO CAN DO WHAT THE HELL HE LIKES (v mature, our aaron). Aaron looks at Rob and is like SO IT’S JUST ME AND YOU THEN! LETS GO TO THE SCRAPYARD AND GRAB A DRINK and they walk away, completely point blank ignoring Paddy’s panicked calls after them.

As they walk away, Aaron says that he and Adam keep a couple of cans in the scrapyard fridge for “special occassions”. Rob is like “…u reckon this qualifies?” and Aaron says THAT’S UP TO YOU and just sort of stares at Rob because WHAT KIND OF ABSURD SEX CODE DO THEY HAVE

As they’re walking up to the portacabin, they’re chatting and whatever and acting normal - until the door closes and they’re officially completely alone. Rob leans back against the door and puts his soft voice on and asks Aaron why they’re hiding away. Aaron basically says that everyone not named Robert Jacob Sugden is currently getting on his last nerve and they have some smiley soft flirty banter about Paddy’s stalking adventures.

Rob asks if Paddy is worried about them and Aaron is like “He reckons you and me are gonna get it back on” and Rob smiles and says “Yeah?” and Aaron says “Yeah” and then AARON JUST GOES RIGHT IN FOR IT AND THEY’RE MAKING OUT AND AARON TAKES ROBERT’S SHIRT OFF IMMEDIATELY BC THAT IS ALWAYS WHAT AARON DOES AND

HAPPY SIGH

FINALLY

PORTACABIN SEX.

Paddy, praise the lord, somehow took the scenic route back to the scrapyard and so only turns up after they’ve already done the dirty. Paddy waits outside and Robert promises to call Aaron, before telling Paddy not to give Aaron a hard time, because “he doesn’t deserve it” because it’s LOVE.

Ah. Savour this moment guys. Savour this beautiful feeling, because this is sort of… where the happiness ends… for a while. Um.

Yeah.

18. 22nd July 2015 - 23rd July 2015

SO PADDY IS NOT THAT HAPPY ABOUT THE ROBRON SEX. AS IT TURNS OUT.

IN FACT, HE’S SO MAD THAT HE SENDS CHRISSIE A WEIRD HANDWRITTEN NOTE THAT SAYS “REIN YOUR CHEATING HUSBAND IN”. THE ‘I’S HAVE CUTE LITTLE BUBBLES. IT’S ICONIC.

Rob doesn’t take too kindly to this, when he finds out, and decides to scare Paddy out of his hair, by almost DROWNING HIM IN THE NEW GRAIN PIT.

First he confronts Aaron about the note, which he obviously has no idea about. Aaron instantly knows that Paddy is responsible and tells Robert to leave it. If only Rob had listened, ey? Ah, what could have been…

Aaron confronts Paddy, who talks about all the shit Aaron has put himself through, all the ways his relationship with Robert messed with his head and it’s just great and sad. As Aaron walks away, Robert, who is just randomly sitting outside on a bench, sees them and suddenly, he knows exactly who wrote the letter. Rob gets all threatening and Paddy is actually not scared of him in the slightest, just threatens to tell Chrissie again. In beautifully convenient timing, Lawrence has just made Robert Company Director of Home Farm Estates and has also stuck him in the will.

(Bless I don’t think he lasted in there for very long)

ANYWAY all of a sudden Rob’s wildest dreams have come through, so naturally he decides that more important that anything in the world is to protect said dreams. So he tries to drown Paddy in the grain pit.

It’s a whole thing.

He listens to Paddy yell and scream for a bit and then walks away. We find out that Marlon and Paddy are supposed to be going to a Banjo Festival in Skipton, because of course, and Aaron is grumpy and annoyed about Paddy.

Turns out that while Paddy has been knocked unconscious and drowning, Rob has been hiding behind a tree. He goes to check on his victim and finds out that actually things are slightly more life threateningly serious than he anticipated.

Rob goes to take off his jacket, presumably to dive in and save Paddy and not because he’s feeling slightly warm, but then Andy comes back and he has to leg it over a fence. Andy calls an ambulance and then calls Marlon, who tells Aaron and Chas and Aaron fully flips out and basically runs to the hospital to go be with him.

Rob is back at Home Farm and freaking out himself. He calls Aaron, to make sure that Paddy is alive and he hasn’t committed one more murder, I assume. Aaron fills Rob in and cries and Rob looks deeply unsettled while trying to act shocked and concerned.

Rob goes to visit Paddy on behalf of Home Farm and uses the opportunity to threaten Paddy, Rhona and Leo. YES. A TINY CHILD. Mostly he just walks around looking like a DERANGED PERSON. He’s all DONT TELL CHRISSIE OR AARON ANYTHING OR I’LL MURDER EVERYTHING U LOVE.

Completely reasonable. Sure.

Paddy is understandably uncomfortable with Aaron staying in a relationship with this PERSON WHO IS CLEARLY A PSYCHOPATH but has no idea how to warn Aaron off, especially when Aaron is in such a Robert-positive place.

At the same time as all this is happening, Larry’s Local Business competition is back in action and Robert finds a sneaky way to basically ensure that Aaron and Adam win, because he likes to do nice things for his boyfriend, when he’s not trying to murder his dad or godson.

Lawrence announces the winner of the contest in the Woolie, because where else in the village of Emmerdale, honestly? Holey Scrap wins, Larry gives Aaron a massive cheque and Robert looks all proud and happy. If you ignore the context, it’s beautiful.

Rob tells Aaron that he had nothing to do with the whole scheme - Rob is basically lying every time he opens his mouth at this point - and tells him to not blow this massive opportunity that’s just landed in his lap.

Aaron goes up to Home Farm for a meeting with Robert and Lawrence and Rob and Aaron smile at each other a bit and then Rob manages to talk his way into a trip up to a convention with Aaron, where they’re going to be staying in the middle of nowhere.

In a lodge.

Paddy overhears this, because he’s checking up on Dog, who is ill. A WHOLE BUNCH OF WHATEVER HAPPENS - ROB AND PADDY HAVE SCENES WHERE ROB THREATENS PADDY SOME MORE, ACTS SMUG AND PADDY MANAGES TO FUCK OVER AARON’S CONVENTION PLANS WITH THE SHEER NEED TO KEEP AARON AWAY FROM ROB BLAH BLAH LET’S SKIP TO THE DIRT

PADDY FINALLY TELLS AARON THAT ROBERT WAS RESPONSIBLE FOR THE GRAIN PIT, AFTER PADDY FAKES A BREAK DOWN ON THE LAY-BY (THE CRUELEST OF FUCKIN IRONIES RIGHT THERE - BREAKING ROBRON UP IN THE SAME PLACE IT STARTED). IT’S ALL JUST… SAD AND PAINFUL AND AARON’S FACE HURTS MY VERY SOUL.

Aaron tries to explain away Rob’s feelings, says “he wouldn’t do that” and means “he wouldn’t do that to me” and is just generally highly #relatable. It’s so sad. They have a conversation about not knowing what Robert is capable of. Aaron promises to stay away from Robert.

Again, never believe Aaron when he says that. Never.

It turns out, Aaron literally goes home and immediately calls Robert who comes running. They firm up their plan to go to their private lodge for a few days, because Aaron wants to get back at Robert by setting him up.

Sooooo, they go to the Lodge and Aaron tries to act all happy to be there, even while he’s dying a slow death on the inside. Robert tries to seduce him by talking about cars and Aaron starts recording their conversation and tries to find a way to get Robert to admit that he killed Katie.

Admittedly, this type of subterfuge… really is not his strongest skill.

It doesn’t work out all that well.

In fact, Aaron gives up the front almost immediately and just flat out says YOU TRIED TO KILL PADDY. Robert is like “Of course not! I would never hurt you or anyone close to you”, which I’m sure we all like to think about Robert, but he’s proven time and time over that that… hasn’t always been true. Case in point. Aaron calls him out on everything, keeps pushing him and pushing him - something Aaron is actually very good at when it comes to Robert - something that Aaron uses over and over again to worm the truth out of Robert.

Ultimately, Robert cracks and admits it out loud, says he only meant to scare Paddy but it went too far. Aaron’s face morphs completely as the very real shock of it hits him - any tiny shred of hope he might have had that Robert didn’t actually try to kill his surrogate father is dead and buried. Sad.

Aaron is all “I thought I knew you” and he’s crying and then he brings up Katie, keeps egging Robert on, until Robert cracks again and finally admits that he pushed her. He pushed her and she died.

Aaron attacks Robert, Robert hits back and ends up knocking Aaron unconscious. He realises quickly that Aaron has recorded their whole incriminating conversation and then, because Rob clearly does not understand the cloud, smashes Aaron’s phone into pieces.

He ties Aaron to a radiator and apparently just sort of… sits there and stares at him until Aaron wakes up again. As soon as Aaron opens his eyes, Rob says “You did this” to him and scrambles up, to go back home, leaving Aaron to a likely cold and uncomfortable night on the floor.

Rob comes back the next morning with some water for Aaron. He removes the gag so that he can speak to Aaron properly and Aaron just glares at him and Rob is all HEY STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT :( and I DIE because HE’S NOT EXACTLY GOING TO BE HAPPY TO SEE YOU RIGHT NOW ROBERT, YOU ABSOLUTE NUTTER.

Aaron goes on to talk about how terrible Robert is and Robert looks downright heartbroken about it and  honestly HONESTLY ROBERT HAVE A LITTLE PERSPECTIVE SON YOU HAVE HIM TIED TO A RADIATOR AND BLEEDING

Aaron accuses Rob of killing Katie because he couldn’t handle ~being gay~ which Robert tells Aaron is a massive misunderstanding bc first of all he is NOT gay and second of all actUALLY IT’S ABOUT MONEY AARON SMHHH

AND THEN YOU HAVE THE FIRST BIG ICONIC LINE

Because Robert is a god damn wild MESS in these episodes, absolutely just running round in a constant state of broken panic, with too many feelings and not enough ways to deal with them and on the verge of doing about 15 different terrible things and I make a lot of jokes about how ABSURD he is but it’s SUCH GOOD CHARACTER WORK FOR HIM LIKE IT IS FASCINATING

AND FOR AARON TOO, THESE EPISODES REALLY SHOW THE RELENTLESS PIT BULL SIDE OF HIM - THE SIDE THAT REALLY KNOWS HOW TO WIND ROBERT UP, KNOWS HOW TO GET ROBERT TO OPEN UP, FOR BETTER OR WORSE

IT’S JUST ALL SO GOOD

SO anyway Aaron is like “so money is all you care about?” and Robert looks dead into Aaron’s eyes and says “I wish that was all I cared about” and FUCK IT I’M JUST GONNA QUOTE THIS BITCH

Rob: Don’t you see? It’s you. You’re the worst mistake I’ve ever made. Falling in love with you ruined everything.

WHICH IS ACCURATE BECAUSE YOU KNOW

ROB HAD ALL THESE SELF-SERVING PLANS FOR HIS LIFE AND AARON CAME ALONG AND BLEW THEM ALL APART PURELY BY BEING SOMETHING ROB LOVED MORE THAN EVERYTHING ELSE.

ANYWAY THENNN Robert goes on to say that finding Katie’s body, Andy’s resultant breakdown and what Robert is doing now is alllll Aaron’s fault, because Aaron drove Robert to this.

Which is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. But then, this is Robert. At this point in his life, self-awareness was very much not his strong suit.

Anyway, Aaron agrees that those things sound much more like they are Robert’s fault. Rob immediately gets offended that Aaron doesn’t seem very sympathetic to his plight and then he utters my FAVOURITE ROBERT LINE OF ALL TIME BC I HAVE ISSUES.

Rob: Do you really think I’m that selfish, that psychotic that I would actually kill someone?

[PAUSE]

Aaron: …Yeah.

Rob: …Let’s find out shall we.

AND THEN AARON’S FACE DROPS IN CONFUSION AND FEAR BC HE ACTUALLY VERY MUCH DID NOT THINK THAT THIS WAS THE DIRECTION THE CONVERSATION WAS GOING TO GO IN.

BUT NOPE. THAT’S IT. ROBBO’S LOST THE PLOT.

SO Rob gets up and leaves and returns??? With???? A gun????????????????????? Sure?????

Rob talks about his feelings about Katie and Andy and about how he’s not a killer, how he never wanted things get that far. Aaron calls out Robert - asks him if it wasn’t just the tiniest bit lucky that Katie fell and broke her neck and I THINK ABOUT THIS ALL THE TIME YO.

AND I THINK ROB DOES TOO BECAUSE FUCK IF HE HAD ANY SORT OF PLAN THERE. He was just shoving her, just wanted to get her phone and somehow convince her to be quiet. But how far would he really have gone???

And really - really that’s what the lodge is about. Seeing how far Robert would actually go.

Robert cries, feels completely stuck. IN THE CHOICE BETWEEN MURDERING AARON AND LOSING EVERYTHING, WHAT IS A BOY TO DO HMMM.

AND THEN!!! AARON IS LIKE TBH JUST KILL ME M8. JUST DO IT. because again, Aaron only knows how to egg Robert into working out what his feelings are. AND THEN ROBERT SAYS “IF YOU LOVED ME YOU WOULDN’T PUT ME IN THIS POSITION” BC AGAIN ROB HAS NO IDEA HOW TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR THINGS

(he’s getting better at this)

(sort of)

(when you’re at rock bottom the only way really is up)

Aaron, again, sees how idiotic Robert is being and also wants to cause Rob some more pain bc he’S STILL TIED TO A FRICKING RADIATOR so he’s like “of course i don’t love u rob u disgust me and i wish i’d never met you”, which prompts rob to pick the gun back up and point it right the fuck in Aaron’s face

AND THEN ROB IS KNEELING THERE POINTING A GUN AT AARON AND CRYING AND SAYING “I MEANT IT, I LOVED YOU” AND IT’S SO! FUCKED! UP!

And that’s when Paddy walks in and Robert, freaking out, instinctively turns around and shoots the poor bastard.

Aaron and Robert both freak out at the fact that Paddy is bleeding out on the lodge floor. Aaron keeps winding Robert up because SURE WHY NOT and then Paddy is all AARON SHUT THE FUCK UP i need medical attention

And he gets Robert to stitch up his GSW, because Rob is understandably hesitant to take them all down to the A&E. So… Paddy talks Robert through cleaning and stitching a bullet wound. Aaron is still highly strung and geared to wind Robert up even more, which Paddy thinks is INSANE BEHAVIOUR because Robert is clearly a psycho.

Robert, a complete idiot but not actually a psycho, just someone who regularly gets himself WAY THE FUCK IN OVER HIS FUCKING HEAD through sheer short sighted and selfish behaviour, starts crying again, because he knows now that he can’t actually murder them both.

Paddy talks Robert down, gets Aaron to do the same, and eventually Robert just… lets them both go. Because what else can he do? Nothing, apparently. He lets them both go and goes home to Chrissie and clings onto her like a child because you know what, it has been a #day.

Aaron and Paddy drive back and talk about Katie. Paddy says “we don’t decide who we fall for” and UNDERSTATEMENT OF THE FUCKIN CENTURY PADDY THAT COULD BE THE AARON AND ROBERT MOTTO AT THIS POINT

Aaron still wants revenge on Robert and Paddy says that you can’t win with people like Robert - you have to let them destroy themselves. That feels like… a very sharp perception of who Robert is and what will eventually happen to him, in all honesty.

Because Aaron is Aaron, he can’t quite leave it there. As his parting gift to Robert, the last thing he does before leaving him alone forever (or… if not for forever, then for a little while…), he makes his way up to Home Farm, breaks into the house and waits for Chrissie and Rob to find him.

The second Rob sees him, he looks like he’s going to be sick. Which. Is appropriate. Because Aaron launches into the entire story - the fact that he and Robert have been sleeping together all this time, that he has proof, that he can tell Chrissie when and where and what she was doing each time they were banging behind her back.

HE FUCKIN SAYS “WHY DO YOU THINK HE WAS LATE FOR YOUR WEDDING CHRISSIE? BECAUSE HE WAS WITH ME.” and i die.

And then, finally, on his way out, Aaron looks at Robert and says “All that you’ve worked for is gone” and then he leaves like the true drama queen he was born to be.

Chrissie immediately starts screaming at Robert and tells him to leave - and hey would you look at this, it’s two break ups in one and Robert really is, ultimately, left with no one.

How long did it last?

God save our patient souls.

Who came crawling back first? They both did. But…. yeah, it was Robert. I mean… there’s understandably a whole issue of redeeming the dick first. Bless him. I’m still in shock about HOW GOOD his redemption arc ended up being. But… that’s for a later post.

How little did they mean it? 57/5. Like. The most a person can mean a break up. For a while, anyway. Until Robert finally changes his ways and his priorities and learns how to be more of a human and less of a mess. Sort of. For a bit. He tries.

GOOD EVER LOVING GOD that’s it! The affair is blown and everyone knows… if not all of Robert’s secrets then at least one very big one. And so we move smoothly into the next era. Hopefully you enjoyed this long ass mess of a part. Sure, it only had one official break up in it, but it was a damn big break up.

Next up: Can you break up if you’re not actually together?

BONUS

So, I wrote the first half of this post many moons ago. The danger with writing these posts in this way and then leaving them for months is that, when writing, I will often go off on tangents around present day Emmerdale that quickly become completely contextually irrelevant as both time and storylines progress. This happened with the next few paragraphs, wherein apparently I had some pent up anger to express. Again, it doesn’t make any sense to leave it in the post, but even though it’s an outdated rant, I’m adding it to the bottom of this post anyway, both for integrity, and for that Christina joke.

An excerpt from the OG Honourable Mention #13:

Rob tries to act like he’s there to charm his sister’s whereabouts out of Aaron and let’s be real here, deep down he wants that shit to work.

It doesn’t, because Aaron has been there, done that enough times to know better by this point

AND OK, WHEN PEOPLE CALL AARON A PUSHOVER OR WHATEVER THE FUCK THEY SAY I WOULD JUST LIKE TO DIRECT YOU TO THIS POINT IN TIME AND EVERY OTHER SINGLE POINT IN TIME WHERE HE HAD NO INTENTION OF GOING ANYWHERE N E A R ROBERT BECAUSE ROBERT HAD TREATED HIM HORRIBLY AND AARON DOES, CONTRARY TO APPARENTLY POPULAR BELIEF, HAVE THE STRENGTH TO WALK AWAY WHEN HE KNOWS HE NEEDS TO. HE’S NOT WITH ROBERT BECAUSE HE CAN’T FIND THE STRENGTH TO TRUST THE VOICE WITHIN AS XTINA WOULD SAY. AARON IS WITH ROBERT BECAUSE HE TRUSTS ROBERT’S INTENTIONS, AND HE KNOWS THAT ROBERT HAD WORKED DAMN HARD TO CHANGE HIS PANTO VILLAIN WAYS AND HE RESPECTS THAT!!! AND HE LOVES THE PERSON THAT ROBERT IS. BUT WHEN ROBERT CALLOUSLY TREATS HIM LIKE SHIT, AARON DOESN’T TAKE IT. AARON HAS BEEN THROUGH ENOUGH WITH ROBERT BY NOW TO KNOW WHEN ROB IS BEING SINCERE AND TBH IT JUST.

IT MAKES ME MAD. BECAUSE AARON IS A CHARACTER WHO IS STRONG ENOUGH TO KNOW HIS OWN MIND AND HIS OWN HEART AND YES HE HAS HAD TO FORGIVE ROBERT OVER AND OVER, YES THAT IS A HUGE PART OF THEIR RELATIONSHIP BUT AARON KNOWS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN ROB IN THOSE EARLY TERRIBLE DAYS OF 2015, WHEN HIS SORRYS MEANT NOTHING AT ALL, AND CURRENT DAY 2017 AND IT’S NOT WEAK FOR HIM TO UNDERSTAND THAT ROBERT HAS GROWN AND IS ACTUALLY SINCERE IN HIS APOLOGIES NOW AND TO WANT TO LISTEN TO AND ACCEPT THAT ANd I just don’t like when people imply that 2015 Robert and Aaron and 2017 Robert and Aaron are the same thing because it negates everything Aaron and Robert have been through and all of Robert’s character development and growth and everything Aaron has learnt and accepted and all the ways that Aaron has forced Robert to be better and look any forgiveness Aaron has given Robert at this point, Robert has done a lot to earn ok and sometimes people deserve forgiveness and uh this got off track.

…So Rob’s charm doesn’t work and Robert makes a swift escape, Vic’s phone safely in his pocket.   

See you next time!

[authenticaussie]

✫ MarcoAceSabo 86

Commissions! || Ko-fi!

ace as a runaway god

he’s basically just a teenager who Does Not Know what he’s meant to be doin in his immortal life and w o w he’s super bored and also his dad is an asshole to humans? lol?​ ace does not agree? don’t be a dick dad

sO BASICALLY HE POOFS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT AS A “HEY DAD IMA GO LIVE W/ HUMANS BC I WANT TO HAVE A BETTER WAY TO SAY FUCK YOU”. Roger is UPSET and torn bc he’s like oh! I remember this stage of my life! Wanting to find myself! Burning shit! Exploring! Stealing things! but then he’s also like [godly scream] “WHERE IS MY SON”

Also Ace is a dumbas bc he doesn’t tell his mom and so she’s actually on Roger’s side and is like no i do not support my runaway son he hasn’t sent us a single letter im very mad at this young man. He could’ve at least said goodbye before disappearing w/o a word!!!

Chasing Twisters by Delta Rey is a Good Time for this AU (especially the first lines; ‘I was born / with lightning in my heels / set a spur upon my ankle / put a horse under the steel’ )

Anyway! Ace ends up travelling a lot and bein a dork and accidentally outing himself as godly all the time omfg. He’ll fly up to pick fruit and fall out of shit and get stabbed and be fine and then get confused when people freak out???? It’s hysterical

ANYWAY he figures out how to (relatively) pass as human ///after like so many errors omfg and ends up running into Marco!! Who travels from town to town doin magic and offering his protection and trying to chase down an old god / some other myths just because he’s a curious fucker

Ace STILL fucks up being human it’s a GOOD TIME, LIKE!!! They’re campin somewhere, idk, near a mountain pass???? huge rocks everywhere???? and Ace keeps picking up rocks and throwing them everywhere like they’re nothing and Marco’s like “uhhhh isnt like. That huge stone monument heavy????”

-ace, holding it w/ one hand over his head and cursing as he tries to find where his hat has gone-  "uH YES. HAHA. WOW. YEAH. ITS EXHAUSTING. CANT HOLD THIS FOR LONG!!!!“ ///drops it awkwardly with a thundering crash

Basically what I’m saying is Marco totally knows he’s at least a demigod / blessed by the gods but is so unperturbed by this bc he’s a demigod too? (Ace being an actual god is another story entirely.)

a n y w a y they go through a town where a friend of marco’s called Sabo lives and Ace gets along w/ him super well and they have a lot of common interests and Marco moves on to the next few towns by this. like. mountain thing that encloses it??? so it’s  a dead end basically??? and ace stays and gets to know sab better

whispers Sabo’s Totally Flirting with / flustered around Marco but marco doesn’t notice s h i t

Anyway Marco comes back and is like yeah I usually stay here for the winter bc the passes freeze over so badly??? And Ace knows he should go and that he could easily find his way, the cold has never bothered him, but he-

he stays

(they’re fascinating, and they’re clever, and they’re kind, and Ace finds himself drawn to Marco’s easy grins and Sabo’s quick, clever tongue just as easily as he’s drawn to a flame). They turn from “heyyyy humans are so Interesting” into “These Humans are so interesting” into “these are my friends and they’re so interesting and Have Interests that  I love hearing them talk abt”

ACE STARTS GETTING SUPER FLUSTERED AND NERVOUS AROUND THEM AND ACCIDENTALLY USING HIS POWERS AND FORGETTING WHAT NORMAL PEOPLE DO. AND THEN TRYING TO COVER IT UP LIIKE “WOAH SURE WAS A COINCIDENCE THAT ALL THESE CANDLES IGNITED AT ONCE HAHAHAH”

Marco ends up just patting sab’s shoulder and leaning down to whispers that he thinks ace’s old place didn’t take to kindly to demigods and sabo’s like ooooohhh and they NEVER BRING IT UP

Ace eventually!!!!!!! asks them on a date!!!!!!!!! and theyre like weren’t we already doing that????????? and Ace is like what. no. uu taking me ice skating and me taking u to a frozen waterfall that i unfroze for the two of your bc Marco Looked Sad are totally not dates!

Fuck ace goes a minute later. Sabo bursts out laughing bc he’s thinks it’s h i l a r i o u s and even Marco’s having to hold back a grin and Ace buries his face in his hands and is like why didn’t you TELL ME and sabo laughs even harder

Proper date!!! With ace giving them flowers !!! that he flew to idk persephone’s garden to get or smth and trying to Look his Best and marco and sabo are like. hearts melting awww gosh he’s just Trying So Hard they think it’s adorable they’re dying

BUT LOL ANYWAY WHILE THEY’RE ON THEIR DATE ROGER ENDS UP FINDING ACE BC ACE HAS BEEN IN ONE PLACE FOR SO LONG

AND SUMMONS THE THREE OF THEM IN THE MIDDLE OF THEIR DATE

AND ACE IS LIKE FUCK SERIOUSLY???????? W O R S T TIMING

also: “if i jumped off this god-summons cloud would u two get mad???”

“UM YES???” goes sabo, “dont leave us alone to face your boss!! you asshole!!!”

B o sss//// ace says, wheeze-laugh-dying, and Sabo’s like that’s Not making me Feel Better

“Lol so like……….I know this is breaking the only rule of first dates……..but like. Hey. Guys. Meet uh…My family lol”

[Marco, internally dying as he stares up at the towering figures that are Obviously trying to tower just for the kicks but haha doin a Good Job]

Sabo and Marco, slowly processing their boyfriend is n o t in fact a demigod, but rather an ACTUAL FUCKING GOD

WHAT THE FUCK ACE is Sabo’s first thought

that explains the rock thing is Marco’s first thought, followed by how the FUCK did i not see this coming

Roger who’s trying to glare at ace for running away and leaving, like NO!!!! NO!!! NOTE!!! THIS IS NOT POLITE BEHAVIOUR, SON!!!!

but then also DATES??????????? D A T E S ???? HIS LIL BOY IS D A T I N G??? HE’S ONLY LIKE 200 YEARS OLD HE SHOULD NOT BE DATING THATS ONLY LIKE 20 IN HUMAN YEARS

Roger who’s trying to look sternly @ ace and also threaten sabo/marco at the same time

Rouge standing in the background like “ace im going to kill you how dare you not say goodbye to me” except like the vague aura is directed at everyone (Mainly ace but like. Everyone knows she’s Super Annoyed)

Look Ace if you’d Just Said Goodbye, everything would have been Fine. Your mom’s Cool.

You didn’t say goodbye

or send her a single letter telling her how you were

she’s not that cool

Roger basically Dismissing Marco/Sabo and Ace gets super pissy and starts y e l l i n g at roger and then bc it’s like. realm of the gods ala mt Olympus or w/e the surroundings start to echo the mood and Ace is quite literally spitting fire and is shifting more and more into his less human form???? So a lot Taller and glowing, wispy eyes, and parts of him encased in flames, flames trapped and visible beneath his skin and Sabo reaches for Marco’s hand because he’s never seen Ace this angry and look he’s only human, he’s been exposed to a lot and he’s pretty brave, but Ace is-

upset. he doesn’t want to see Ace upset, because it hurts something in his own chest, and he can tell by Marco’s tight grip on his hand that Marco feels the same way

But then they almost get hurt in the backlash of Ace / Roger’s argument, and Marco yells at them to stop and Ace gets snapped back to himself rather than just the anger he is in god form, and almost immediately shrinks, and Roger gets SUPER mad bc he thinks they’ve been manipulating ace???????/ and trying to make him smaller than he is????? trying to make him human, and Roger views humans the same way one might view a stray, mangy pet; pityable, and a bit cute and fun to play with, but not-

not worth much.

“This is what humans are! They’re cowards and liars and thieves! And these two are trying to-”

“Make me fucking happy!?” Ace yells back, but he stays small and stands in front of his friends and refuses to go to his dad’s level because he’d gotten better. He wasn’t so angry and useless and bored and entertaining himself by hurting people, he was-

(Humans are worth just as much as gods. they sacrifice themselves for nothing more than it is right and kindness, when they know they won’t come back, when they know people won’t remember them, or know their names, or think of them again. Humans don’t ask to be worshipped, or praised, humans just- are.)

(And these two? These two, the way roger had spit out who they were like that could encapsulate who they were-)

Roger puts her hand on Roger’s shoulder just as Ace turns his back on his father and whispers carefully to sabo and asks if he’s okay and runs his fingers over Marco’s hand and assures himself that theyre okay and apologises for what happened and asks them to forgive him for hiding the truth and Ace being interested in something again, not looking lifeless and hollow and bored, and how ace had been arguing to protect them rather than just arguing because he was so uselessly angry-

Ace turning around again to glare at his father and snapping his fingers and dropping them back on earth and staggering to the side bc he didnt usually do that and Marco immediately helps steady him and they just

talk softly into the early hours of the morning and ace presses careful kisses to their cheekbones and lips and hands like he’s the one worshipping them, their callouses and scars and birthmarks, the way their bodies have changed over the years in ways that his never will, because he can change how he appears

There’s peace, for a week, a peace of careful exchanges as they slowly grow comfortable with this new knowledge - ace knowing that they know, marco and sabo coming to terms with the fact that ace could be terrifying (but he’d never scared them. he’d never, ever tried to scare them)

Then Rouge shows up. Obviously a goddess in human form, obviously perfect, obviously gentle and kind and smiling, and presses a kiss to Ace’s cheek and then one to Sabo’s and then one to Marco’s, and she smells like flowers and summer and home, like warmth and love and she’s so- perfect

Ace is cautious, because his mother can be worse than his father (he loves her more, afterall, she’s his mom and she has always been the one to protect him, with a fury that he never wants to be on the receiving end of). She smiles at him and tells him that as long as he’s happy she’s fine but that a letter or two wouldn’t have gone amiss and basically invites herself in to have tea / lunch and makes ace tell her about all his adventures and he starts off carefully and faltering because he still thinks it’s some plan of his father’s, but she laughs at all the right moments and asks questions and is just

his mom. She’s his mom and she loves the fuck out of him-

and he’s happy. Any fool could see that, and no fool would take him away from that

She bids them goodbye at sunset, promising to come back later if invited, and Ace says that he’ll try, and then rouge asks him to grab her shawl from inside and shoos him off to get it and looks at Sabo and Marco and her eyes soften and that almost makes it worse when she says, “you won’t hurt him, would you?” because to answer yes would be to disappoint her

Then Marco shakes his head and glares at her and goes we won’t. But not because we’re afraid of you, but because we don’t want to hurt him. First and foremost he’s our friend.

Rouge smiles, properly this time, with teeth and laughter and it sounds a bit threatening but they can tell she’s amused. “I’m so glad he found you.”

She kisses them both on the cheek and is gone before Ace comes out with empty hands, and they’re left to explain what happened before she left (Ace sighs and apologises, and Sabo laughs and says he’d never expected to deal with gods in his daily life).

Random members of ace’s family show up sometimes. Rouge declared it a Thing. They just. give the mas fam stuff. Tree that blooms all year round. Tiny plants / terrariums that are accurate details of places they know, right down to the tiny - living - animals. glass panes that show the weather in the future and mirrors that put together what you want to wear and have it folded up on the bench when you come back.

They don’t realise they’re still younger than everyone else until they realise just how old everyone else is. They don’t realise that gifts from the gods are sometimes ones you can’t see. They don’t realise, but by the point they do there is nothing to contest; they don’t want to leave Ace, and Ace doesn’t want to leave them. It helps that, for all the years they were living in the city/town no-one had become super c l o s e to them.  

They get known as the weird magicians at the end of the road, and kids get dared to knock on their door and ask for stuff. Sometimes ace opens it with part of his eye on fire and sometimes marco answers it with dough on his face and laughter from behind him and strange things in the kitchen and sometimes Sabo answers it but keeps the door half closed and as you walk home you can swear there’s something by your side.

(“What do you get when you mix home and something free?” Rouge asks one day, before they’re really comfortable around each other, tapping her teaspoon against the side of her cup, ankles crossed and poise perfect, and Sabo makes a curious noise in the back of his throat.

“What?”

Rouge smiles mischievously. “You already know him.”)

a Thing that I tried to write as the Start that would’ve been Fun: (from an alt!idea where Ace was literally on the run from angry gods for having stolen something ala prometheus and sabo/marco are gods/demigods sent to get it back but Whoops they’re In Love now).

Ace had run away from a lot of things in his life.

He’d been doing it his entire life, after all.

(He just really hadn’t expected to add “fleeing from angry gods” to his list of skills.)