#and I’m hoping that shortening the sleeves gets me enough extra fabric to make like a mask

[alagaisia]

I feel like that John Mulaney bit about being damp all the time. I put on the dress I bought for my friend’s wedding in order to pin where I need to take it in and take a picture for the group chat. It’s seven degrees outside today and I was wearing a tank top and this lightweight taffeta dress. I had the dress on for like, ten minutes. Why is there sweat on it!! Why am I DAMP!! I am going to ruin this very nice vintage dress by wearing it to an (indoor!) wedding in July.

[sewingpatches]

I’m only going to cover fabric as the accessories (besides the exact weapons) can be bought at your ren faire or local convention. And while I recognize you’re gonna do your own twist on it I’m going to give you notes as if you’re trying to pull off her exact look 😁

So you’re in luck as most of this stuff is straight lines and easy.

For her shirt you can buy the cheapest button up shirt pattern you can find, then decide how much longer you want the hem to be. Margo’s is just below her knee. When ordering fabric make sure whatever length you want to add to the shirt you double it, for both front and back pieces of your shirt. So like if I want 20 or 30 inches to the hem, I buy either an extra yard and a half or a two full yards. I can’t tell what the front closure is on her shirt so if it’s loose enough you could just sew it together, attach an invisible zipper, or do some kind of hooks n eyes. I would hold off cutting the shirt’s fringes/strips(?) until you make your belt/cincher. Once you have it then I’d say to cut it as low as you can go without it showing at the bottom of the belt. If you want to avoid sewing your own shirt, then shopping for a very long button up shirt would be your next best option. Look for boho styles at your thrift store or department store. For both sewing or non sewing try to keep your options on nature fibers like cotton or linen to keep the heat off of you and let your outfit breathe. I personally like buying cotton gauze or tissue linen for my bottom most layers as they are very thin and comfortable. Knits are not a bad option as that way you won’t need to hem the edges of the strips to keep it from fraying.

Next layer is her off gray long vest. She does wear it under her stripey coat. This one you could use your shirt pattern and just alter it slightly. I would do this after making your shirt so you know exactly how the pattern works and fits.

As the vest does not close you can take in the front so it doesn’t cover your shirt and hangs open more. Do not alter the sides or shoulders unless you absolutely need to. If altering the shirt pattern, draw out your final sewn edge and then draw on your seam allowance. I would do atleast and 1, but no more than 2 inches. If you’re shopping for it, just look for another button up dress or tunic that is a very light cotton or linen. You can take off the sleeves but I highly recommend hemming the armhole to give you a clean finish. But if you’re wearing the stripey coat then it’s up to you on that. The hem of the vest is about the same as the shirt.

Next up is the stripey coat. This will be tougher to shop for so you’re better off sewing it yourself. Once again you could get away with using your shirt pattern by altering it. However I highly recommend making a mock-up before using your stripey fabric to make sure you have the sleeve right. It’s the length and over all comfort I’m worried about. Honestly the baggier the better? And you can take it in as needed at the very end.

Now it’s belt time. You’re going to have to draft out the shape of the front for yourself, then add a normal 5/8 seam allowance on all edges. You can do either the soft pentagon shape or an easy rectangle. I would go with a finished width of 2-2.5 inches if doing the rectangle. It looks like a linen fabric to me, but I would use very heavy denim to line the back or insides and interface the linen for a good base. Sew three sides of your rectangle, leaving the part that attaches to the bits of belting alone. For the belting lengths themselves you’ll need a dressform that is your size or a handy friend. Both methods are the same, but I will write it out as the later. You will need clear plastic wrap and duct tape. Wrap your high and low waist in the plastic wrap, then cover that in duct tape. If you want the belts to be tight, then careful wrap the duct tape tighter than looser. Your friend will then use a sharpie to mark your desired length of the belt, the center front, center back, and your sides. Once the very basic shape of the belt is done, have your friend carefully cut along the center front line. Then when youre free, tape up the center front but don’t loose the center front lines. Use scotch tape to temporarily attach your linen belt front and trace it on. Ignore the seam allowance we left open, only drawing the finished edges. Remove that now draw on how you want your belts to lay. Margo has some angled belts that go diagonal. I’m guessing her belt opens in the back as well as the front. Since it’s hidden under her vest and coat you do not need to use hooks and eyes in the back. Any drawing mistakes can be covered in duct tape and drawn over.

Once you’re happy with the look you can cut out the stripes of duct tape as a pattern. If you’re using elastic instead of belting you don’t need to add seam allowance. But please be careful going tighter if your body is not used to the pressure. Running around ren faire all day can take a toll as it is so please take it off if you feel any discomfort. Even if it’s just during a water break or lunch. You can always wear one of Margo scarves as a sash instead. Anyways, once you cut all your belts to desired lengths and know which are in what order, attach the belts to the front closure pieces carefully. Use a basting stitch to temporarily attach the belts and check now to see if that belt needs to be tighter or looser as you go.

Now her pants are a whole other beast you cannot use your shirt pattern on. However you can use a pj pattern instead. I recommend the baggie drawstring kind that have pockets. She wears hers at her natural waist under her belt, so don’t go cutting down the waist line. On the pj pattern extend the sides as desired. The front of the pants go up, so remember to curve up the front pattern piece. But leave the back with a straight line. For the cuff, measure out a circumference that the widest part of your foot can go through, and use that measure meant to make a rectangle that is however long you need it by about 2 inches wide +seam allowance on all sides. You can always go longer and add elastic to the cuff to make things even easier. You’ll gather the hem of the pants into the cuff, uneven gathering is fine as Margo’s centers on the front. If you’re planning to buy your pants, see if anyone is selling some harem pants? Otherwise look for very nice pj pants. You’ll want to add a cuff to the bottom, so if you don’t mind shortening the pants you’ll just cut off about 3.5 inches, then again however short of a circumference you can fit your foot through, and reattach that as a cuff.

After that she wears lil sweat bands on her wrists you can make out of strips of muslin fabric, just wrap and tie around your wrists. Then more thin linen or muslin fabric for her scarves.

Hope I helped 😅

I know it’s a lot of info so if there’s any clarification needed let me know. I recommend sewing everything as much as possible if that is in your interest or skill set. Take your time with it if this is your first project and buy ten yards of muslin to test out your patterns on before cutting your good fabric. This outfit is supposed to be comfortable so don’t try to make the shirt or the pants too fitted as your belt and drawstring in the pants will do your fitting for you. Also remember to pack sunscreen and water and take breaks. Have fun at ren faire, @nebulousgayshit!

[lavender-lotion]

He Forgot to Mention the Damn Cat | 2,324k

Find the rest here! Read on AO3 here!

It all started with a stray cat.

Well, it all started because Peter was a drama queen who didn’t think before he spoke.

‘ November 25: Established Relationship - Do you want to make a gif set of Stiles and Peter getting married? How about drawing them adopting/having kids? Maybe you want to write about them arguing over mundane domestic issues as they navigate living together. Give us all your established relationship Steter feels. ’

All Stiles was trying to do was relax. He had never once thought being a high school teacher could be so taxing, but between creating lesson plans and grading assignments and dealing with all the obnoxious little shits he was forced to deal with on a daily basis - he was tired. It wasn’t enough that he was working full time, keeping up with his own art, managing a relationship with the biggest drama queen in Beacon Hills, but he was also keeping the town safe, his spark twisted with the magic of the forest.

So Stiles wanted to take a nap, which was pretty much what he’d been doing. The loft was incredibly cold this time of year - especially with the wolves never getting cold) and he was thoroughly wrapped up in the thickest blanket Derek owned. His head was in Isaac’s lap, the other man softly petting Stiles’ hair as he drifted, not quite asleep but far from awake. His face was mashed into the man's stomach, blocking out the rest of the world as he tried to fall asleep. The pack was talking around him, though they were mostly having soft conversations, respectful of his need to sleep but his desire to be here with the pack anyway.

He was almost asleep, toying the line of unconsciousness when the door of the loft slammed open, the bang echoing throughout the room and causing Isaac to jump under him so harshly that Stiles fell to the floor - something he couldn't even be mad about, since it was Isaac. He heard the too-familiar growl of Peter and looked up to see the man standing in the doorway, eyes glowing electric blue as he furiously pulled his arm from his back to reveal -.

Oh.

Oh.

Shit, he forgot to mention the damn cat.

And the cat was still wearing Peter’s cardigan.

Stiles blinked up with wide eyes, jutting out his bottom lip in a perfect pout. It was a look he had perfected as a child and had turned out to work perfectly well on the older wolf. It had won him many an argument during the years they had been together and Stiles wasn’t ashamed to use it to get this way.

And now, now with Peter staring murderously, a low, continuous growl emitting from his throat as he held the kitten at arms length seemed like as good as time as any to use it.

“Stiles, what in the goddamn fuck is this thing?” Peter demanded, voice enough of a growl to make Stiles nervous. Peter has always had excellent control over his wolf, being more in tune with his inner conscious than any other were that Stiles had met. So for the man to be so openly out of control - for his eyes to still be glowing, words slurred around his fangs - was incredibly worrying.

“That’s Luna,” Stiles answered after a too-long silence, Peter’s growling the only noise in the room now that all the others had turned away from their conversations to watch  interaction with wide eyes.

“Luna?!” Peter asked incredulous, waving the kitten where he held her up by the nape of her neck. The thing mewled pitifully and Stiles whined in response, shooting to his feet and snatching the little thing from the man.

“Peter!” He hissed, glaring at the man over his shoulder, keeping his body between the kitten and Peter, just in case.

“Me?” Peter actually took a step back at that, eyes opening even further, “That thing was not only in our bed, but it is wearing my cardigan!”

“I - alright, yes.” Stiles agreed easily, not being able to argue since it was true. The thing was wearing Peter’s cardigan, though that was hardly Stiles’ fault. Which, er, not exactly true either.

It had been an accident - a laundry mishap, you could say. It wasn’t Stiles’ fault that their washer took a ridiculously long time to complete a cycle, and was also not his fault that Peter refused to buy a new one. He had cuddled up on the couch, wrapping his favorite blanket snug around himself when Luna jumped into his lap, spilling his glass of milk all over said blanket. Stiles had then rushed it to the washer, blindly throwing it in and setting the cycle.

He’d thrown it immediately into the dryer (he was cold), after the hour and a half it took to wash, and must have gotten one of Peter’s more expensive cardigans into the dryer as well. It obviously wasn’t his fault, after all he wasn’t the one who left clothing in the washing machine inbetween wash days. The cardigan had fallen out onto the floor and Luna had swayed her way over, pawing at the fabric before curling atop it, meowing loudly until Stiles lifted them both up, fastening the thing around it’s little body - bringing both arms through the now shortened sleeves.

She looked adorable, and Stiles gently sat her on the couch behind him before turning back to his wolf, “I’m really sorry, dude, but it was already in the wash and-”

“It’s really not that hard to check the laundry -” Peter cut him off, snapping out his words, annoyance clear on his features.

“Look, I’m sorry, I know but -”

“But nothing Stiles! Chores shouldn’t always be a test of intelligence!”

“Okay that was a little rude lo-”

“Rude!? You shrunk my sweater!”

“It is just a sweater, Peter.”

“It is not just a sweater!”

“Peter, I can buy you another one.”

“I don’t want another one. I wanted to wear this one, but now it is filled with fur! And entirely too small to ever wear again!”

“Okay I understand you’re upset but it’s clothing an-”

“You didn’t even tell me!”

“I just knew you would react like this. Honestly it’s clothing,”

“It was three hundred dollars!”

“Uh, guys, maybe you should cal-” Kira had tried to intervene, her voice soft, but Stiles talked over her, all but yelling at the man.

“Please just calm down!”

“Down tell me what to do Stiles you are the you-”

“Don’t even fucking go there!”

“Well it’s true!”

“Okay look, I really think you may be overreacting -”

“I don’t even understand how we had a cat in the apartment!”

“Ok if you both would just st-” Malia started, only to stop when Stiles began to frantically wave his hands as he spoke.

“Well I found her all alone an-”

“You cannot just bring home animals without consulting me.”

“I knew what you would say, though!”

“Can you two go somewh-” Derek tried then, only to have Peter dramatically cut him off as the man all but shouted.

“Gee, well then maybe you should have just left it -”

“I couldn't leave her Peter!”

“You knew I didn’t want pets”

“Well you also don’t want children!” Stiles snapped harshly, face flushed and cheeks a blotchy, uneven red.

“Oh, so that is what this is about?” The man asked calmly, raising a brow.

“Yeah Peter, that’s what this is fucking about!

“Well I’m sorry I can’t be what you want!”

“Oh for fuck sakes Peter, you know that is not what I’m saying!”

“But isn’t it? Admit it, you’ve been waiting to break up with me!”

“Peter, what the fuck are talking about!” Stiles asked, his voice going high.

“I think we both know this was never really going to work, Stiles.” Peter said it calmly, face impassive and Stiles felt like he’d been struck.

The response already on his tongue died at that, eyes widening as he took in Peter’s words. He didn’t, he didn’t know Peter felt like that, didn’t know the man was just waiting till the end. Was he, did he not love Stiles? Did, did everything Stiles thought about their relationship exist in his own mind. Fuck, was Peter just going through the motions, hanging onto Stiles until he found someone better?

The boy stumbled back at that thought, that he would be replaced, could be replaced. He hadn’t - fuck he hadn’t even thought of them breaking up, not after they had passed their first year. It had been so hard at first, their sharp edges too often catching. The age difference could be so obvious at times, not helped at all by the years Peter spent in a coma. Not only that but Stiles often felt inadequate, especially during that first year.

For so long he hadn’t been able to contribute financially, bills from school and living away for four years still piled away, gaining more and more interest that, at his measly high school teacher paychecks, he could hardly pay for. He had felt trapped at a time, unsure how he would ever be able to support himself should the two break up. That had gotten better in time, Stiles getting a raise with running a few after school programs, tutoring on the weekends and some evenings for extra cash.

So it had been hard - at first. They really had jumped into things, and it took them a while to parse through their new relationship. It had been worth it, clearly, and four of years of them going strong proved that. So the thought that - the thought that they could end, that Peter had even been thinking about it?

“I - I have a ring!” Stiles accused, spitting the word at the man.

How - how dare he let Stiles plan his future around him, let him fucking hope. He was angry now, felt stupid and worthless. But, watching Peter’s face shut down didn’t please him at all. There had been a time, a long time, that hurting the man would have brought him joy. But that was years before their relationship, before soft Sunday mornings and goodnight kisses, and whispering fears and dreams in the dark of their own bed, inside their own house. Now, now it just twisted at his heart, and it hurt knowing he had caused the look on Peter’s face.

He watched Peter swallow and nod seemingly to himself, squaring his shoulders a little before admitting, “So do I.”

And no, because that wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair that Peter could make his heart flutter when he felt so horrible, so desperate. And that, well it didn’t make sense? Wasn’t, wasn’t Peter the one who had started their fight, the one that had been responsible for this whole ordeal. He should be mad, furious even, that Peter would suggest they break up.

But that was hard, hard when the man he wanted to spend the rest of his life with just admitted to wanting very much the same. What was Stiles even supposed to do with that. He shook his head again, trying to clear some of his confusion.

“Stiles-?” Peter began, his voice sounding far away. But Stiles just shook his head, wrapping his arms tighter around himself and turning his back to the room, trying desperately to parse through what he was feeling.

Heat lined his back, the familiar feel of Peter’s chest pulling a quiet whimper from him, not sure if this was going to be the last time he felt it. He was confused when Peter reached around him, grabbing Stiles’ hand and interlocking their fingers. It was a position they had been in a thousand and one times before, but the wolf had never held him so tightly before.

So desperately.

“I’ve had one too,” The man whispered into Stiles neck, repeating his earlier words.

“I am still so, so mad at you.” Stiles admitted quietly, voice hardly above a whisper.

“Mhm,”

“You’re sleeping on the couch,” He added, still trying to calm his heart.

“Of course,”

“I don’t want you thinking I’m not seriously upset,” Stiles reiterated, because he --was.

He - they didn’t fight often, never like this, either. Sure they argued occasionally, about small, domestic things that came with living with another person. They were never like this, never brought up such intense feelings. It could have also been that Stiles was sensitive from his nap and that Peter had already been upset - having had time to brew in his anger. They were both dramatic personalities and when Stiles really thought about it, he was surprised they hadn’t blown up like this sooner.

So Stiles sighed and turned in the man's arms, peering up at him and waiting for the other man to meet his eyes before pressing a light, barely there kiss against the man's lips. It wasn’t an apology, nor the acceptance of one, but more of a truce. He knew they were going to be okay, even if they would need to talk about what happened.

“I’m sorry I can’t give you what you want,” The man side quietly, eyes on the floor.

Stiles shook his head, framing the man's face with his hand and turning him to meet their eyes, “No, no Peter you do! You are what I want!”

“I love you,”

“So I don’t mean to interrupt,” Lydia called, her voice entirely too pointed. Stiles pulled his mouth from Peter’s neck to stare at the banshee, “But what the hell is going on?”

“I - well. I think we almost broke up?” Stiles questioned, honestly too busy reeling from the emotional whiplash to think straight.

“Yes, that sounds about right, sweetheart,” The man replied, his own smile pulling at his face even as he tugged the boy firmer against his body. Stiles laughed then, bright and loud and free, and Peter chuckled as well.

“We are definitely missing something,” Isaac muttered under his breath, but Stiles was too distracted from where Peter’s hands were settled low on his back, pulling Stiles closer as though he were trying to merge them together.

Stiles just cuddled up, slipping his arms under the man's and hugging his waist tight. A mewl cut through the room and Peter growled on instinct, Stiles’ laughter drowning the noise out.

[conspiracy-talk-blog]

New Post has been published on CTN News

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5 Easy Steps To Becoming A Gangsta

1. You have to master the swagger of your typical homie. Watch MTV for inspiration, then imitate the ridiculous walk of your favourite rap star.If you find yourself having difficulties, visualize yourself with a massive case of hemmorhoids, and/or a pickle shoved up your ass. A big pickle.

Checklist:

  Are your feet wider apart than your shoulders?

Do you have a decided backwards slant to your torso?

Do your knuckles hit the back of your calves?

  If so, you can continue.

2. Language is very important. When attempting to fit in with the rap community, you must forget everything you have learned about the English language and how to speak it properly. It helps if you have some sort of speech impediment, preferably one which makes you sound like you have a mouth full of oatmeal at any given point. Remember, contractions are your new god. Practice at home, at the bus station, at school; anywhere you can.

Translation guide:

  yo’ma’ma = A derogatory term, used to insult your mother. (Note: this is supposed to incense you.)

word, y’all = Something roughly equivalent to hello.

  Variations on this are many: what’up ho’mes; word to yo’ma’ma; yo y’all (pl. y’allz); what’up; what’da word from’da ‘hood; and others.

  you best be steppin’ = You should leave, before the speaker decides to hurt you.

I’m a gon’open a can of whoop’ass on y’all = I will beat you up.

watch’or mouf, man = It would probably be a wise idea, when this is heard, to shut up.

mofo = Motherfucker, in the new hip short talk.

I gots ta bounce = Roughly equivalent to goodbye.

cruisin’ = walking about aimlessly, shoving each other into old people and laughing uproariously, whilst calling each other mofos.

  Checklist:

  Do you use four-letter words within 30 seconds of each other?

Can you drop a syllable off of every word without thinking about it?

Can you omit words such as “of” and “to” with ease?

Would you be unintelligible to your aunts or uncles?

  If not, you’d better practice a little more.

3. You’ll have to acquire a g’ name. 2-Pac is a popular one, as is Biggie. (For more information, see “people” section below.) Or, there’s always shortening your name to the first letter of your first name, then adding an adjective. For example, there’s Lil’ J, or Big R. You can also go with just the adjective: Slim, Shorty, etc. You’ll fit right in.

Checklist:

  Does your name sound stupid?

  Well, since this is the only evident requirement, on we go.

4.You’ll need to be hip to the rap gurus of the moment. A commonly idolized rapper, 2-Pac, was shot some time ago. In the “softcore” rap crowd, Ma$e and Puff Daddy are really cool. Busta Rhymes, Lil’ Kim, Biggie Smalls (also dead), Snoop Doggy Dogg and Dr. Dre are also cult favourites. Feel free to mix ‘n’ match at will. With the celebrities, come the “sides”. There’s Westside and Eastside. They have nothing to do with where you are on a map. To demonstrate your undying allegiance to the Westside, cross the two middle fingers on one hand, and wave that hand about profusely, whilst shouting “Wess’ide, man..Wess’ide!” This will go over big. The Eastside sign is formed by turning the previously-made W upside down, in the shape of an M. One will shout “Yo’mofos! Eass’ide rules!” or something of that ilk. Make sure, before you attempt the hand signs, that you’re with a group of the same patriotism, or else you’ll get a can of whoop’ass opened on you. Y’all, rather.

Checklist:

  Can you name the past five rap stars to have gotten shot?

Can you wave your hands about with sufficient fury to give yourself carpal tunnel syndrome?

Are you scared of your own idiocy?

  Let’s hope so. These are crucial before moving on to the last section.

5. G’ clothing is rather simple. For pants, all you need to do is cruise the local mall until you find a really fat person. Check out the waist size on his jeans, then head to the nearest store playing rap music to buy a matching pair. They must also be long. You’ll know you’ve made a good buy when you have three yards of fabric bunched about your ankles. You must wear them low-slung as well. The prerequisite, an assumed few pairs of cool boxer shorts, should be mostly hanging out. But to complete your lower half, you must own a stylin’ belt. The purpose of this belt is not altogether clear, save for it holds your pants firmly against your upper thighs and restricts movement, making the rap strut easier. Trust me. As for what kind of pants to wear, army pants (in any, and all, colours), jeans, tearaways and cargo pants will all do nicely.

On your top half, you should wear shirts which would fit the fat man at the mall. At the same store where you bought your pants, you will find the bright colours that are a necessity to successful gangsta dress. Oranges, yellows, and greens are especially good. T-shirts are acceptable, provided they have sleeves that reach halfway down your forearm, and that they come at least halfway down your thigh. Sweatshirts should be almost as long, and have either Nike or Fubu emblazoned across the front. Never, EVER get caught dead in a sweater. Jackets are easy. All you need is something that’s shiny, bright, and looks like it would fit a 300-pound Eskimo, as well as be suitable for said Eskimo’s environmental surroundings.

For shoes, again, Nikes and Fubus are the best. Reeboks and Adidases are fine for the beginning g’. They have to have cost at least $150, and be shiny and bright. You might as well forget how to tie knots, because the gangsta who ties his shoes up, gets beat up. You can accessorize with one of those key chain straps (the ones that circle your neck) that seem to be all the rage. It must say Fubu on it, of course. A hat is good, as long as it’s got one of the previously-mentioned trade names on it. Turn the hat sideways for extra respect. That’s spelled R-E-S-P-E-C-T. You can always go with a handkerchief as well, with the hat or alone. Snoop Doggy Dogg wears one, if you need celebrity reinforcement.

Checklist:

  Could you put on 200+ pounds and not have it be noticed while dressed?

Could you fit your entire family into one single pantleg?

When you walk, are you perpetually close to tripping/falling over?

Is your shirt long enough to cover someone seven feet tall?

  It appears, with the above questions answered affirmatively, that you’ve completed the tutorial and are now a fledgeling gangsta, prepared for the wide world of rap. Happy g’ing!

wait… you need 1 more thang… a pet, a mean looking one. A pit bull is normally a great choice.