#and I write other characters into my canon

[enigmeyyy-writes]

I definitely think a lot of this is really interesting now that I'm rewatching the show again to write my fanfictions...

Katara definitely had her faults (and it was kinda wrong of her to tell her older brother that he didn't love their mother as much, especially because he most likely had more memories of her alive in comparison), but she was still a 14-year-old girl thrust into adult responsibility in the middle of a war. She is misunderstood a lot of the time from a fan's perspective because (in all honesty) a lot of us watched the show as kids and either thought she was super cool or super annoying. I even only started to find Katara annoying after I was older--and that was mainly because in times when she did attempt to "solve" things or "fix" something she wasn't mature enough yet to understand how to handle it responsibly. Sokka was a lot like this too, and we see him getting blamed a lot less. Both of them were standing in as leaders in their tribe during the war, and both of them left. Sure, the Avatar showed up, but even Aang was running away from responsibility until he realized he had to face the consequences of his actions!

Past this point is a lot of me talking about how I'm addressing a lot of this in my fan works, so check it out if you're interested!

I think a lot of my thoughts on this topic stem from the fact that I want to explore the emotional and responsibility commitments the characters of ATLA have weighing on them. In the AU I'm writing, for example, the characters (set in canon) are aged up and a lot of them have more people they are attached to. Since this was a Katara-centric post, I'll also include what I have in mind for my Katara fic.

Growing Pains centers around the letters Katara sends home to her and Sokka's childhood friend, Mali. He was the oldest of the boys left behind by the tribe because he just didn't quite make the age cut, and now serves as a hunter and protector for the tribe. He was definitely upset when his friends left him, but he knew that if they were to travel with the Avatar he had to stay and protect their tribe. Katara sends her letters detailing the stories of her adventures to Mali but soon realizes that she left a lot behind at home for what was turning out to be a perilous and risk-filled adventure.

And on the Aang side of things (because let's face it, a twelve-year-old boy having childish immaturity and the weight of the world on their shoulders is NOT the best combination), I wanted to explore more of his energy and experience of learning maturity after hardship in a Book 3 and post-war fic titled Spitfire.

Spitfire centers around one of Zuko's childhood friends (an OC because I think he deserved friends he could actually trust prior to joining the Gaang) named Soru coming to terms with the fact that he never truly was against the Avatar even though he's from the Fire Nation. Escapism at its finest--truly. As Aang has to come to terms with the new reality the world is entering after the defeat of Fire Lord Ozai, he has to learn how to deal with the weight of the political aspect of society the rest of his friends (and former enemies for that matter) were already wrapped up in.

All in all, I really think exploring aspects of the characters of such a beloved show that aren't really addressed is such an interesting thing to do. I applaud all other ATLA writers on the platform (and any platform) for either just sticking to canon or coming to terms with the flaws that are either over-exaggerated or under-represented in fanfiction, but I am not one of you! I want to explore the inklings of depth we get from this fun show, especially since I'm approaching this from a perspective in which the characters are older and arguably have more responsibility on their shoulders.

I'd really appreciate it if anyone would check out my stories (will be posted on here and ao3) or at least show interest in them! I've worked really hard to put all the details together behind the scenes, so any support or showing you enjoy my works/ideas is greatly appreciated!

I just watched Avatar for the first time all the way through, and yeah, it’s great, but the one thing that surprised me was how different Katara was compared to the fandom interpretation I’d seen and internalized before watching.

Like, before you watch Avatar, you’ve seen all these memes about Katara and her mom, and based on those memes, you assume it’s one of those lines you have to get used to hearing at least once every episode. But then you watch the show and realize that she only talks about her mom maybe five or six times per season and you also realize she only brings her up when she’s trying to comfort someone or empathize with them because that’s how she processes her grief and that’s one way she connects with people.

Or you hear the infamous line, “then you didn’t love [our mother] the way I did” and you prepare yourself for one of the worst character assassinations ever only to see the scene after nearly three seasons worth of context and realize she was kinda right. She’s been the mother, the nurturer, the comforter. She’s been patient, gentle, and accommodating where everyone else has gotten to be insensible and reckless and childish, and the one moment where she allows herself to feel her grief, suddenly she’s this evil bitch and not, y’know, a 14 year old girl whose been thrusted into adulthood in a way no other character has. A 14 year old girl who should be allowed immaturity and raw emotion and anger instead of the patience and grace she’s been forced to extend to every character without even the smallest amount of gratitude or even consideration in return.

Or you see all of the clips where Katara puts Aang in the “friendzone” and you expect to have this wishy washy back and forth where Aang is putting his feelings out there only to have Katara neither commit nor express any clear reciprocation or rejection. Then you watch and realize that, as cute as the ship is initially, that there’s never a point where Aang returns any comfort or grace to Katara despite her always doing this for him to the point of coddling. That for as much as Aang says he loves her, he never seems to outgrow his perception of her so he can recognize her as someone who feels grief, anger, and pain as much as she expresses love, kindness, and maturity. And instead of having moments where he learns to see her beyond her strength or compassion, you’re instead given moments where Aang forces his feelings onto her, both romantic and non-romantic, and Katara is expected to just…shoulder those feelings the way she shoulders everyone else’s.

Katara is the most misunderstood character in the show. As much as people recognize the complexities of Zuko, Sokka, and Azula, they struggle to do the same for Katara because they see her struggles as somehow lesser, and therefore, less deserving of sympathy. They can handle her so long as she’s being endlessly patient and loving and kind, but the moment her endless love, patience, and kindness runs out, she’s suddenly this annoying bitch who can’t shut up about her mother or reciprocate Aang’s feelings. But Katara’s trauma does matter as much as anyone else’s. No, she wasn’t banished from her kingdom. No, she didn’t lose her entire community, and no, she isn’t the only one who lost her mother. But the difference between her and everyone else whose experienced loss because of the Fire Nation is that she’s never given time to process her trauma. Aang gets to lean on Katara constantly. Toph gets to express her feelings to Katara, and yeah, Sokka also lost their mother, but unlike Katara, he isn’t put in the position of being a substitute for everyone’s parent. He even admits that he sees his sister as a mother. The only characters who ever comfort Katara or allow her to vent is Zuko and her father and that’s, like, three scenes in a show where the other characters are consistently given opportunities to seek out Katara for unconditional support.

The fandom interpretation of Katara has been so bastardized that even those who haven’t watched the show know her for this fanon version and not for who she is. She’s such an interesting character beyond her fandom limitations, though. She’s brave, hot-headed, and hopeful as well as gentle and caring. She wishes to learn waterbending, not only because she wants to fight in the war, but because she wants to continue her culture’s practices because, and people often forget this, she also lost an entire subculture within her already fractured tribe. And she wants to defeat the Fire Nation both because of her deep love and empathy for other people, but also because she wants to avenge her mother. But because some of the fans have reduced Katara to a bitch who constantly whines about her mother and friendzones Aang, you wouldn’t know any of this, and it sucks because she’s the only character whose been dumbed down to such an extent.

[sully-s]

Open in a different window to zoom in. So this is just a deep dive behind all the stuff I put in my last post I rolled back my picture before I did all the lighting and color changes to make certain details more visible. Fun fact I almost scrapped this whole picture at this stage because A. I was just burned out; this piece took me forever. B. As I kept getting more and more "neat" ideas to stuff in, I lost any real focal point, especially with the color scheme. After hours of trying to fix it in PS and failing, I was about to give up. I was like fuck it make it a night scene. Let me tell you all a world of lighting makes lol.

Anyways, enough about my struggles, let me give you the tour.

I love the idea that this corkboard was originally Phoenix's mood board in the beginning it just had his childhood pics from like the yearbook and that one time Larry got a polaroid camera. Then, a new year clipping about Edgeworth being Demon Prosecutor which led Phoenix to make his thesis about court drawings just so he could watch and see with his two eyes how much Edgeworth changed. - Then, later, he added Mia because she was his mentor. then Vinny (from the movie "My Cousin on Vinny") because like Vinny, Phoenix never understands court procedure but has very good instincts; and last Elle Woods who also went to law school for a boy basically his spirit lawyer lol. - Later, after Maya joined, she thought it would be funny to replace Phoenix's real reason to Steel Samurai. Also, it was fun because Will Powers was their client, so he should be their reason. Phoenix let them stay because it made Maya happy, and Phoenix knew that with Mia's death, she needed it. - I was going to add a sticky note from Miles that he approved, but I do like that Miles will never admit out loud or in writing that he enjoys the show. - A year later, Pearls tries to replace all the Steel Samurais with her drawings of Maya. Which Phoenix encouraged her to make during Maya's disappearance because facts. - Tid Bit: I was sad to cover up Will Powers' signature I really liked how it came out

Moving away from the mood board idea, I like that the cork board just became Phoenix's catch all. So his Law Degree which isn't the original it's just a sad printed-out version of what should've been his fancy embossed one. I like the idea that Phoenix never went to graduation. (Can't be bothered he's on a mission to save his childhood bff.)

Lastly are postcards from Edgeworth, his way of making up for all the years he couldn't write back to young Phoenix. - Also, this picture takes place some time after the 3rd game but before the disbarment.

Calendar whiteboard that I forgot to add the last row too so I guess in Japaniforina the months are only 25 days long.

I spent a frustrating amount of time trying to figure out the logistics of this paper trail. It really doesn't need to make sense It just has to make the room messier. - You can imagine Phoenix is looking over phone records or court stenographer's record.

So Edgeworth is a nerd; we all know this. But it annoys me just a tad that his nerd-isum is always just Steel Samurai (like I get it, it's canon), but all geeks have many fandom loves, okay. - So I just love the idea that Phoenix and Edgeworth (who are in a relationship at the time of this pic ) watch Better Call Saul, and they both bought each other a little plushie of the character they joke is them. -Edgeworth bought Saul for Phoenix (because of Saul's heart, not because he does shady practices), And Phoenix bought Kim (because she a really good lawyer who seems cold and is a workaholic who would break the rules for their Saul (used phoenix's badge in the third game )) - They keep each other's plushies in their offices, and if one of them stops by when the other isn't in, they put a sticky note on it. - Which we can see that Phoenix did need reminding because, as you can see, the date is 18th, and no mention of a dinner ;)

7. Now the whole reason I drew this picture was too show off my headcanon that Phoenix has a Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law action figure that you know Gumshoe got him after Edgeworth vs. State happen because of Polly. And we all know that man would be a fan of old Hanabara cartoons. - I've loved this stupid tid-bit of a headcanon that it's been haunting me for years. That's it; that's all I really wanted to say with this piece, and look where it got

[jasethegooberton]

Could you tell/show us more about up!Sonadow breakup and what the circumstances were and how that affects their relationship as doctor and patient now?

Okay, so I wanted to try writing a different kind of dynamic first and foremost. Shadow, in canon, is a character who does care for others but just has a hard time showing it or expressing it through words. But, that kinda stems from the positive influences he had in his life.

So, I just thought one day "What if he never got to really be friends with Maria and was only surrounded by scientists who had only their own interests in mind?"

The Shadow in this au would be very cynical because of his upbringing and has a hard time comprehending the value of basic empathy. Sonic initially just befriends Shadow because he wanted to show him that life shouldn't be viewed in such a grim way. Long story short, he didn't really succeed. They did attempt to be a couple for a while, but Sonic understood just how stuck Shadow was in his mindset, so he left.

After their breakup, Shadow starts to learn to be more emotionally competent, but it’s more of a learned behavior than an organic change. Shadow becomes skilled at reading patients' emotions and responding in a way that is expected of him (calm and caring, yk the usual stuff) but it’s all surface-level. He doesn't necessarily feel empathy or sympathy, he's just developed a clinical, performative approach that makes him appear emotionally in tune.

Sonic, on the other hand, starts to become isolated (maybe his friends all go off to do their own thing and now he's the one who's stuck?). He's able to understand what Shadow was going through and he himself starts to fall into an unhealthy mindset, probably losing his usual spark and sense of self. That starts to affect his physical health as well, forcing him to visit Shadow more often for care.

Maybe there's some tension initially, but Shadow manages to convince Sonic he's changed and gotten better. When they start showing interest in each other again, I'm still not too sure but it wouldn't be immediate because I love a good slow burn. And whether it will remain one sided, I haven't made up my mind but yeah, Shadow is gonna take full advantage of the fact that Sonic is more like him now. He might help Sonic enough so that the blue boy is functional, but not enough to let him leave for good, you know? Maybe Sonic purposefully let's his health decline so he has an excuse to keep seeing a familiar face? Hmmmmmm

Basically, they're both bad for each other and I can't wait to watch them fall apart again >:)

~~~

That was a long ass rant but I just want to give you all a very clear idea of what I'm going for with this, since it's just a side au lol

[mia-can-yap-too]

No.1 Fan

Who?:- Megumi Fushiguro x Fem! Author! Reader

Warnings:- fluff, no curse!au, brief mentions of Yuji and Nobara, move aside Gege I made Satosugo canon.

♫:- poster boy — Lyn Lapid

Megumi Fushiguro was a lot of things. Son, brother, friend, acquaintance, student. All these are no surprise, after all, everyone has these traits. But what one would not expect him to be, was a fan. 

Megumi was fifteen when he first heard of you. Back then, newspaper articles were filled with your face, your name, you. A literary prodigy. A girl who, at the ripe age of fifteen, won three awards for her debut book. Every which way he turned, there was always mention of you. Tired of all what he deemed was 'meaningless glazing', he bit the bullet and read your book. 

He was entranced, hanging onto every word. Simultaneously wanting to find out the outcome and dreading for it to end. He developed emotional connections with your characters, sympathized with their circumstances and teared up from their losses. He had never felt like this before. 

When he ultimately finished the book, he was left staring into the void. The epilogue was left to fate, no definite promises. He wanted to know more. He wanted more of your writing. He wanted to feel the way he did once more, even though no other book he read after provoked the same feelings, the same anticipation, sympathy and sorrow again. He wanted more. 

And so Megumi started waiting hopefully for the release of your next book. And the next one. And the one after that as well. Oh, and the rest too. He would be the first to get a hold of the latest book. Bought all the limited editions. Signed up to all your websites. Read any and every article which had even the tiniest mention of you. Defended your name on the Internet when anyone dared to insult you. Megumi became your biggest fan. 

So, imagine the excitement he felt when he found out you were coming to Tokyo to promote your latest book, were going to do a book signing event at his local bookstore. He immediately started planning his outfit, which books he would bring to be signed (he ended up bringing up all of them), which time he would arrive in order to be one of the first people you would meet (he did not end up being one of the first). 

And so, now Megumi waits in the never-ending line at your signing. You were right there. The same girl he admired so much. The author of the books he devoted so much time and money to. And you were so kind and polite too. Smiling at every single person, making small talk before adding a perfect autograph with a personalized message on the index page. 

A cough from behind him pushes him out of his thoughts. "Hey dude, get moving already," says an annoyed voice. He didn't even realize that it was his turn already. You send a polite smile his way, waiting for him to come up to you. Megumi's face flushes in embarrassment. Unconsciously, he fixes up his hair and clothes before walking towards you. 

"Hello! How are you?" You say, your voice so sweet, he could listen to it all day.  

"Uh, hi. I'm well," he should probably ask you too. "....and you?"

"I'm doing great, thank you for asking! What's your name?" 

"Megumi. Fushiguro. Yes, Megumi Fushiguro. And you?" He realizes his mistake too late. 

His eyes widen in panic but you brush it off with a laugh. "I'm Y/n L/n, not sure if you've heard it before," you joke. 

"Sorry...I uh didn't mean to. Of course, I know who you are, I came to your event after all." Great, now he's rambling. You probably think he's the most awkward guy you've ever met. 

"It's okay, don't worry about it. So what book have you brought for me to sign today?"

He pulls out all of them, even the limited editions. This may be the only time he ever sees you, no way was he gonna miss the opportunity. 

Your eyes widen slightly. "A-All of them? Oh wow, you must really like my books. Is that the limited edition of 'The Last Dragon'? I saw so many people say it was almost impossible to get!" 

"Uh...yes?" His face is faintly flushed from your praise. 

Your smile brightens. You begin signing the books, "well, Megumi, thank you for supporting me so much! I'm very grateful! I really hope we meet again sometime soon!" 

Huh? What do you mean by that? Don't you live in USA? 

You return the books, and your hands brush with his. You send one last bright smile his way, one that makes his heart stutter. How had he never realized how beautiful you were before? 

"Goodbye, Megumi Fushiguro!"

"Goodbye, Y/n L/n," he says so quietly that you almost didn't catch it. 

He find his personalized note in the limited edition of 'The Last Dragon'. He dreams of it when he sleeps. 

'Your passion and enthusiasm reminds me of why I write. Thank endlessly for your support. My world wouldn't be the same without readers like you, Megumi.

~ Y/n ;D' 

-- 

He hands the customer their iced americano. Phew, rush hour has just ended. It was quite a busy day this morning, but now his shift should go as usual, nice and quiet. It is these times when he writes his essays and completes his assignments, the environment of the cafe fueling his productivity. 

He is wiping the counters when the bell chimes. He turns around, ready to great the customer with his usual monotone greeting, though he stops in his tracks when he sees you at the door.  To be honest, he hadn't stopped thinking about you since the signing event. So much that his friends, Yuji and Nobara, started teasing him for having a crush.

And there you are, in all your glory, looking around the cafe, headphones around your neck and tote bag on your shoulder. Your eyes do a double take when they find his. 

"Hey! I know you!" 

"You....do?" He had expected you to forget all about him.

"Yeah, your'e Megumi Fushiguro, right? I hope I'm right, else this is really really embarrassing." 

He rubs at his nape as he looks away, eye contact being almost too much for him. 

"Yes, that's me."

You walk up to the counter with a skip in your step. "I hope you still remember me," you tease. 

"I... do remember. What would you like to order?" For some unknown reason, he really wants to know how you enjoy your coffee. Latte, espresso, americano, or plain black? Or would you just get tea instead? Would you like a pastry with it, or would you get a sandwich instead? What does it matter to him anyways? 

Your eyes skim the menu, blissfully unaware of his myriad of thoughts. It doesn't take long for your e/c eyes to find his. "I'll get a mocha frappé, please. Oh, and a chocolate croissant with that too." 

It takes him a moment to ask. "To go?" 

"No, I'll be staying, it seems like a nice place, calm and quiet," you remark. 

He nods. Should he say something back? If so, what? Or should he just keep quiet? You decide for him, sitting at a table nearest to the counter. You take out a laptop, one decorated with multiple stickers. It pulls a ghost of a smile on Megumi's lips. It seemed a lot like you to do that. 

He prepares your order, keeping one eye on you as you type away on your laptop. Are you writing your next book? If so, would he be able to get a peak when he delivers your order? Or are you just answering emails? He still needs to do his assignments, would he even be able to concentrate with you here? 

You smile at him when he sets your frappé and croissant on your table. Why is it so hot in here? Should he tell his boss to get the air conditioner fixed? 

He doesn't have the courage to smile back, not that that would be his usual reaction to something like this. He returns to counter and pulls out his own laptop. He would look like a creep, standing there, staring at you, doing nothing. So this was the best possible option, even if his mind kept drifting to the absolute wonder six feet away from him. 

Two hours, three to-go customers and a few assignments later, you stretch your arms in your chair. Of course, he notices, even though he keeps his eyes locked on his screen. 

You tilt your head at him. "I assume you're doing your assignments?" 

Your unexpected question gives him an excuse to look at you. "Huh? Yeah." 

You smile. "What major are you?"

"Creative Writing," he replies. 

"Need any help? I'm good at brainstorming, you know?" 

"You want to help? Don't you have your own work to do?"

"It's gotten a bit boring, right now. Anyways, anything for my biggest fan," you say with a sly smirk on your lips. He hopes you don't realize how much you fluster him. 

You take his silence as a yes. Hopping over to the counter, you gesture for him to turn the laptop towards you. You read the prompt and hold your chin as you think. 

When you finally do get an idea, you share it with Megumi, conversing with him the best possible ways to go about it, sharing various tips and tricks. And Megumi swears he has never felt happier. 

-- 

This becomes a regular occurrence between you and Megumi. You place the same order everyday (he prepares it before you come), write a couple of words for your next book, and then proceed to help Megumi (who has started to sit next to you instead of leaning on the counter all the time). 

He learns that you moved to Japan, permanently. You also tell him the idea for your next book. It makes him feel special, knowing he is your only fan who knows such confidential information. Months pass with the same routine, your bond strengthening everyday. He sees you as a friend now, too. He doesn't learn you considered him one from the start. 

A phone call disrupts the calm between you two, one winter day. The heater works overtime to keep you both warm, though he wouldn't mind lending you his jacket, if you asked so. 

He picks up the phone call. "Hello?" 

"Heya, Megumi! How's my favorite child doing?" asks an obnoxiously loud voice. It wouldn't be Gojo if he didn't.  

"What is it, Gojo?" 

A dramatic gasp is heard. "How mean, I don't remember raising you like this. Must've been Suguru." 

"Get to the point."

"Okay, okay, chill. Me and Suguru want you to come spend Christmas dinner with us! It has been quite lonely since Tsumiki moved to Australia. You'll come, right? You wouldn't want to make your dads sad, right?"

Megumi rubs his forehead. "Fine, I'll come."

"Oh and you'll bring a girl too, right? Or guy, you know we don't judge."

"Uh..."

"If not, there's always the neighbor's girl, I've seen her eyeing you. Suguru wants to set you two up!"

"No!" You turn to look at him with concern. He lowers his voice, "No, I have someone..." 

Gojo's surprise can be felt through the phone. "Really?! OH MY GOD, my boy's finally grown up! Can you tell I'm tearing up right now? Well, I can't wait to meet the lucky person! Make sure to bring them over! I have to go now, adult responsibilities and all. See you on Christmas!"

Megumi groans as the call ends. What has he gotten himself into? How will he find someone now? 

"You good, Megumi?" You ask, worry etched on your face. 

"Yes, it's just... I have a problem."

You are too kind. You rush to help. "What is it? Is there anyway I can help?"

"I have to go to a Christmas dinner with my family, but I lied about having someone to bring," he answers. What did he even expect you to do? Turn back time? 

"I could go with you." 

Okay, he did not think of that. "What? Are you sure?"

"I mean, yeah. I don't have any plans on Christmas, anyways. Besides, it'll be just like in the books!" 

"My guardians, they might be a bit much..."

"Don't worry," you say confidently, "I'll wow them with my undeniable charisma!"

A small smile appears on his face, one almost unnoticeable if you hadn't learn't the meaning behind every small twitch of his face. He doesn't need to know that, though. 

And so, the two great minds formulate a plan that even the best strategists would be jealous of. 

--

You stand next to Megumi, infront of his front door, holding hands. This was all planned out perfectly. You even got to go to his dorm a couple weeks ago, where he gave you powerpoint presentations on both of his dads, even a little on his sister as well ("Why are your dads kindaaa..." "Please, don't.") . You had taken notes. The two men didn't know what was waiting for them. 

A man with long black hair tied into a bun opens the door. You know this man as Geto. He lets you both in.

His purple eyes land on your intertwined hands. A soft smile graces his lips. "So Satoru really was telling the truth then."

The mentioned man springs out of seemingly nowhere and engulfs Megumi in a hug. "Megumi, my boy!" 

Gojo's eyes drift over to you, his own eyes widening a bit. "You must be Megumi's special person." 

You nod, as a blush creeps up your face. "Nice to meet you both, I'm Y/n." 

Gojo opens his mouth to perhaps bombard you with questions, but is stopped by Geto. "At least let them eat first." 

--

Gojo stares at you suspiciously as you smile politely at him. Megumi and Geto sit anxiously next to their respective partners. Blue eyes narrow at you. 

"His favorite color?"

"Black," you respond calmly. 

"Blood type?" 

"B."

"How does he like his chicken?"

You take a strategic bite of your food, this buys you more time to answer. 

"Breast meat in chicken Nanban and thigh meat in Oyakodon." 

Gojo gasps dramatically. Megumi says he does that a lot. 

"So you really are his girlfriend!"

You polite smile does not falter. But both your hearts beat faster at the thought. "I would hope so." 

Megumi finally intercepts. "No more questions, Gojo. This isn't an interrogation."

Geto finally gets a chance to speak up. "So how did you two meet up?", he asks, ignoring Megumi's glare. 

You smile fondly at the memory, but that is not the story you both decided to go with. "I frequent the cafe he works at. One thing led to another and well," you shrug humorously. 

Gojo opens his big mouth again. "I'm so happy Megumi finally found someone! He has always been so aloof and stoic, I can't believe he finally found someone he actually likes! You know, as a kid, he used to wet his bed every night," he smiled fondly, wiping a fake tear. 

Megumi glares at him. "I did not."

"You so did. I have pictures, I'll show her some later!"

"I will hit you."

--

The rest of the dinner goes by smoothly. Gojo and Geto give personal recounts of how they met, and then show you pictures of Megumi and his sister as children. Megumi can't stop his heart from racing. You fit in perfectly. Wouldn't it be wonderful if this was real? If you were actually his? 

It just so happens that a snowstorm blocks you all in. Going back home wouldn't be possible in this weather, and so you both must stay the night. Geto slyly suggests that you both share Megumi's room, as Tsumiki wouldn't like giving her room up to stranger while she was gone. 

This is why you and Megumi both stand in front of his bed, one that would not fit two 20 year olds if they wanted some distance. Sleeping on the floor is not an option, for it is too cold. You both are readers and are quite familiar with the one bed trope, which explains the furious blushes on your faces. 

You turn to him, wearing his clothes that he lent as pajamas. "So..."

He looks back at you. "Yeah..."

"Well..."

"Mhm..."

"Okay..."

"I'm sorry, Y/n. I shouldn't have put you in such a situation."

"It's uh...cool." 

"Should we..."

"Sure..."

Awkwardly, you both climb into his bed, lying on your sides facing each other. It makes you smile. "Hi."

He gives back a small smile. "Hello."

"You come here often?", you joke.

This emits a small chuckle from him. But it doesn't take long for guilt to flood his eyes. "Truly, though, I'm sorry for dragging you into this--"

"I came of my own free will, remember."

"--you must be quite uncomfortable--"

"Nah, you're actually really warm, might just snuggle up."

"--I...don't know what to say when you say stuff like that?"

"Oh really?", you raise a brow, "Like what? That I wanna cuddle you? Let a girl dream, Fushiguro."

"Like stuff you don't mean."

"I do mean it, though. I think you're very nice, and kind, and cool, and handsome, and pretty at the same time. I like how passionate you can be, even though you may not express your feelings much. It doesn't matter to me if you don't talk much, because I'll talk enough for the both of us. I like you, Megumi Fushiguro. Do you like me?" 

"I...," Megumi's eyes are wide, his heart beating too fast to be normal. "I do, of course. Thank you..."

"For what?", you smile.

He doesn't answer. He only stares at you in awe. This wasn't just the person whom he had admired for years. This was the girl who sat next to him everyday, who helped him with his assignments, even though he never told you he didn't need it, the girl who learned every detail about him in order to convince his family that they're dating. This was the girl he loved. 

His eyes drift to your lips. "Can I...?"

With your nod, he leans down to your face, his hands cupping your cheeks. His breath hits your lips, eyes fluttering shut. And when he kisses you, you both swear it is the happiest you have been. 

[carmensandiegone]

Alright, here’s your evaluation!

The intent of this comic, as was seemingly clear to almost everyone else who’s reblogged this, was “Fandom is largely dominated by white folks who have ingrained biases and tend to gravitate towards white characters who are either barely relevant to the story or have the almost same arc as the WOC main, and give them disproportionately more attention than literally any other non white character in the show.” The second panel depicts the white character as the only thing anyone in the fandom talks about with any depth or seriousness, the only post about the woman the show is about being sexualized and whitewashed, and one of the trending tags being #FuckWoman which indicated that she’s probably demonized within this fandom as well.

This is something I and multiple rebloggers have seen happen on multiple occasions. After a point, it starts forming a pattern and revealing biases.

2. a) I suggest you refrain from commenting on thing you don’t have the full perspective for. Yes, it is the internet and you are allowed to do whatever you want, but at the end of the day it might prevent you from seeming insensitive or plain foolish to others.

b) The post is not criticizing you individually for liking white characters more than non-white ones, it is criticizing a wider phenomenon.

c) I agree on this point, people love side characters. However, pretending that the white side characters aren’t more heavily favoured in a lot of fandoms over their non-white counterparts (and not just the main characters, non-white side characters as well) is remiss. Also fandoms like to pretend that white side characters have more internal depth and better writing than their non-white counterparts in canon , which is just silly.

3. Good for you.

4. I’m glad you understand why people get defensive about white characters being more popular than the characters of colour, but the truth is that it is that way because we are used to characters of colour being shunted aside/demonized/ignored/used as props for the white characters’ development over and over, and seeing this happen repeatedly can set off alarm bells in one’s mind. I’m truly glad that you haven’t experienced this yourself, but racism is racism, and ingrained biases shine through in even silly unserious spaces like fandom. Many people say that it’s supposed to be a safe fun place but dismissing people’s concerns and calling it policing when they’re pointing out fandom biases is… well, it doesn’t make it a safe space for us. I love making content for my faves too, but fandom hates quite a lot of them for things that their white faves have done as well and I think that I, as well as OP, have the right to call this out.

5. Just because you are neither white nor USAmerican, doesn’t make you incapable of having ingrained biases. I can pull that card too, I’m a brown third-worlder minority whatever, but I’ve also had to work through my own biases and understand that if I’m getting defensive over someone calling out a phenomenon that does very much happen due to racism, that’s MY problem, something I need to work on on my own.

I disagree that it’s not that deep. It is simply yet another manifestation of ingrained biases set in place by structural and societal issues. It is harmful, because not only is it hurtful to see people who look like you get repeatedly demonized, not valued unless in relation to a white person and ignored, it is indicative of something deeper that the majority of folks refuse to work on.

[my-de-barros-universe]

And just like that... I have officially finished Kingdom Come Deliverance 2.

And a big hole has opened where it used to be. God what a fantastic game. 10/10.

The thing I loved most are the characters. Janosh, Adder, Zizka, Sam.

And of course, the stars of the show, our two favorite boys, Henry and Hans❤

God I love these two. And I dont mean just the romance, I love every moment they are together on the screen.

But their romance is probably my favorite of every romance I've experienced in fiction, though granted I only end up liking very few canon romances.

Its just such a novel thing for me to see in a videogame: a story where both characters have distinctive character growth. Where their friendship is not just a subplot, but something that directly ties to the main plot. Their character growth reflects the steps they take in that story, and their friendship also subtly changes with those character growth.

And the romance itself is best because its not tagged on top on the story, but it adds one more layer to that story: it could have only happened BECAUSE they went on this journey together, and each of them changed and grew separatly, and wouldnt have happened in any other cirscunstance.

Its not a coincidence that most of the moments where the actual romantic exchanges between the two happen are right before or right after a life and death situation. Because the understanding of mortality has a way to make give people realizations.

Of course this isnt the first time fiction writes two male main characters whose incredibly compeling relationship is the center of the story.

But ngl, this is one of the first stories to have the balls to actually take the plunge and say "You know what, why dont we take this to its logical conclusion? YOLO"

Because its the cherry on top. Its the little teaspon of cinnamon that turns a good cake into a GREAT cake and the story from a great story to an UNFORGETABLE ONE.

And the irony that it came precisely from what is the least openly progressive studios is delciously funny to me, because its not like they came into this with the desire to make a fantastic gay romance, they just wrote all this incredibly homoerotic dialogue and, unlike every other queerbaity title out there, went "Fuck it, why not? Make them full gay". And for some reason, that is REALLY funny to me.

So, in conclusion, god I fucking loved this game, and it has probably ruined me for lesser quality gay romance now. Makes me wanna write my own story. Well played Warhorse, I didnt think you had it in you, but you have properly bamboozed me and I welcome it.

Praise Hansry, the best couple in gaming, and please more wacky adventures with these two bisexual disasters.

Cant fucking wait for KCD3.

[doctorbitchcrxft]

Monster Movie | Supernatural Series Rewrite | Dean Winchester x Fem!Reader

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Fem!Reader ( :0 ? )

Warnings: all of 'em. put 'em all here. mentions of disordered eating, descriptions of severe anxiety, dean is lowkey being the worst, burns, injuries, canon violence, canon gore

Word Count: 3587

A/N: I'm gonna keep it very real with y'all. Please heed the warnings about anxiety and disordered eating. If I am honest, I kinda got triggered writing it as I pulled the experience of my character from my own experience in a previous relationship. Obviously, the circumstances were very different, but I used to get tonnnssss of anxiety specifically while eating that ended in me becoming malnourished because the person I was dating was so horrible to me. Dean isn't like that, though, and I guess I kind of used this chapter and this part of the character's arc to heal that pain still within me, even after years.

Please know I understand if you have to skip out on this chapter for the reasons above. The beginning of season 4 is going to be very rocky as Dean and (Y/N) continue to learn to trust each other again, but I hope to see you in the coming weeks as the storm begins to calm. Much love to you, as always.

-m

“Dean,” you breathed out, eyes filling with tears. 

“Hey, sweetheart.” He sat in the chair across from the bed that he’d undoubtedly put you in.

“Dean, I’m so sorry—” 

That seemed to send a ping of anger through him, but he suppressed it. “We can talk about that later. Are you okay?” 

“I think so,” you said. You pushed yourself up with a wince and noticed the gauze around your left forearm and right calf. “You did this?” 

He nodded. 

You smiled lopsidedly, cheeks heating. “Thank you.” You tried to joke lightheartedly. “You’re finally getting a hang of the right way to dress a burn.”

“Eh, I had a good teacher,” he shrugged. 

You’d missed this so much; the comfort in the mundane moments with him. 

Both of you seemed a little too scared to say anything, and you stared at your scraped up hands instead of at him. 

“I’m still pissed at you,” he stated.

You nodded. “I figured.”

Another moment of tense silence passed between you.

“Once you’re healed, I still want you gone,” Dean said. His blunt tone felt like a sucker punch to the gut.

Even still, you nodded. “That’s fair.”

Dean nodded sharply and got to his feet. When he’d nearly left the room, he turned around again. “Why aren’t you fighting me on this?”

You threw your hands up in defeat. “What do you want me to say, Dean?”

He approached the bed you were in once more. “Something. Anything. Be mad. Yell at me. Call me an asshole. Dammit, tell me what happened. Explain it all away. Just something!” 

You used the side of your thumb to apply pressure to the bridge of your nose. “Well, you pretty definitively told me to leave and not to come back at Bobby’s.”

“I gave you a choice!”

“A choice you couldn’t even begin to understand the difficulty of!” you shouted back. 

“Okay, so tell me!” he yelled. “Help me understand! Because you’re not making sense to me, (Y/N)!”

You huffed, going quiet for a moment. “I can’t,” you finally breathed out, hiding your face from him. 

Dean rolled his eyes. “Of course, you can’t,” he muttered angrily. He started back for the door. Out of the corner of your eye, you could see him hesitate while he grabbed the door handle. When the door shut behind him, you felt your heart sink.

****

Being in the backseat of the Impala again was an amazing feeling. You were tired of going it alone. However, the tense atmosphere was something you could do without.

“The radio around here sucks,” Dean grumbled. He turned it off, briefly stealing a glance at his skulking brother. “Come on, man. Jobs don't get much sweeter than this, you know? Dead vic with a gnawed-on neck, body drained of blood, and a witness who swears up and down that it was a vampire.” He was making it clear he was going the route of ignoring you and only addressing you with a sharp comment when absolutely necessary.

“No, I- I agree,” Sam said half-heartedly. “It’s a hell of a case.” “A little more gusto, please.”

“It's just... the world is coming to an end. Things are a little complicated, you know?”

“C’mon, man, it's like the good old days, an honest-to-goodness monster hunt. It's about time we got back to tackling a straightforward, black and white case.”

****

“Oktoberfest 2008” was painted on a sign Dean drove past, and you watched people celebrating in tacky Lederhosen and barmaid costumes. 

“You stay,” Dean told you gruffly when he parked the car. 

You crossed your arms and stared out the window. 

“We still got to see the new Raiders movie,” Dean pointed at his brother as he got out of the car. 

“Saw it,” Sam replied monotonously. 

“Without me?” 

Their voices became distant as they shut the doors and walked away. 

You felt sick to your stomach. Everything you wanted to say to Dean— the things that had happened since he went to Hell, Uriel, Castiel, the things you’d done— they were all on the tip of your tongue. But then, he’d glare at you. Your heart would sink, and you’d retreat right back into yourself.

Marissa Wright was a young girl who’d been visiting the town for Oktoberfest. Strangely, she had two dark marks on her neck like a cartoonish vampire bite. At least, that was what you gathered from the pictures you’d snagged a peek at over Sam’s shoulder on the ride from the morgue to the bar Dean and Sam had left you outside of.

Frankly, Marissa Wright wasn’t interesting to you. At the moment, you were too concerned with your angel business. Uriel’s words about killing Sam loomed over you, and you felt like you couldn’t leave the Winchesters even once you were healed because of what Uriel was making you do.

Somehow, you needed to regain Dean’s trust. The idea of trying to manipulate him made you sick, but maybe it was what you needed to do to protect him. Even if he never understood why you did the things you did, at least he’d still be alive to wonder.

****

That night, you were unable to sleep. That, unfortunately, was not unusual. Yet again, you were alone in a motel room wishing to be next to Dean. 

The mirror had become your worst enemy. Shirts you’d stolen from Steven when he was a teenager hung even more loosely off you than they did before Dean died. Your arms lacked the muscle tone they once had, and you felt weaker and sicker with each passing day.

An anxiety was beginning to form within you that you’d become unhealthily dependent on Dean. You never wanted that for yourself; men had always been an accessory to you before Dean. You were complete on your own. Now, you weren’t sure what was wrong with you.

Was it that you missed Dean that much? Was it the angels? Was it the things you’d done? You supposed it was a combination of all of the above. 

****

The next morning, you opened the door to your room to see Sam. Your heart sank a bit that it wasn’t Dean, and it seemed like that much was evident based on your facial expression.

“Good to see you, too,” Sam chuckled.

“I’m sorry,” you said. “Good morning, by the way.”

The brunet nodded, still seeming not to feel sure where he stood between you and his brother at the moment. “We’re leaving in five. Headed to the morgue, I think.”

“Another attack?” you asked.

Sam nodded. “Doesn’t sound anything like the last one, though.”

“Fun stuff,” you replied, pulling your boots on. “You think he’s gonna put me in the timeout chair again?”

The younger brother looked at the ground bashfully, and you sighed. “Yeah, I thought so, too.” 

****

Sure enough, Dean made you stay in the car again. It seemed he was deriving some strange satisfaction from keeping you separated from the case. Or maybe his joy came from the fact that it very visibly pissed you off.

When the boys returned to the car, you didn’t ask any questions about the case. Frankly, you weren’t interested. However, Sam was adamant about getting your input. 

“Wolf Man?” you scoffed. “Are you sure?”

“What, do you think we’re idiots?” Dean snapped.

You took a deep breath and nearly bit your tongue to keep yourself quiet. “It’s not that, Dean,” you said lowly. “It’s that it’s just sort of implausible to have found a wolf hair next to a body with its heart still intact and Dracula-accurate fang marks in that girl’s neck.”

“Thank you, Sherlock,” Dean snapped.

“Dean! Cut it out, man,” Sam warned. 

Dean seemed taken aback by Sam, but he didn’t press the issue. 

The ride remained silent until the three of you arrived at the bar Dean had left you outside the day before. 

Sam opened the door for you, encouraging you to get out despite the very obvious glares from his brother. 

Once inside the bar, you sat on the same side of the booth as Sam. Dean grumpily chomped on his burger, and Sam ate his meal silently. You didn’t even order anything; your stomach was too upset and tied in knots to properly digest anything. As soon as you tried, you knew you’d be in the bathroom puking your guts up. 

“Aren’t you gonna eat something?” Sam asked you.

You shook your head. 

“C’mon, not even a bite of mine?” he tried again.

You shook your head once more, feeling too shaky to say anything.

Dean looked up from his burger momentarily to address you. “C’mon, (Y/N), you gotta eat something.” His tone was still guarded, but it was nowhere near as harsh as it had been in the car.

“I’m fine,” you mustered out. 

You could feel Dean’s eyes on you, but you just stared down at the table in front of you and took a sip of your water.

The pretty blonde waitress, Jamie, bounded up to the table with two more beers for Sam and Dean. 

“Looks like you guys are staying a while. I heard about Rick Deacon,” she said, referencing the most recent victim. 

Dean nodded. “Yeah, this case just got weird enough for our department.”

“Well, beers are on me,” she replied with a smile. Then, she turned to Dean confidently. “And, just so you know, I get off at midnight tonight.”

“Oh, it's not another, uh, girls' night out?” Dean smirked up at her.

Your stomach fell to your shoes, and rage bubbled in your chest. However, you knew your anger was misplaced. He wasn’t yours anymore, and you needed to accept that.

Jamie returned his playful smile. “Doesn't have to be.”

“Okay, then. I'll see you tonight.”

“Okay, then.” And, with that, she left.

Sam noticed your discomfort, but he couldn’t offer you anything more than an empathetic look.

Without even noticing you, Dean said, “Hey, you think this Dracula could turn into a bat? That would be cool.”

**** Another murder, except this time, committed by a mummy. However, you and the brothers determined the “mummy” was using special effects from a prop house in Philadelphia to enhance his monstrous performance. You were either dealing with a Silence-of-the-Lamb-level psychopath, or… you weren’t really sure. Truth be told, you weren’t devoting even a half of your attention to this case. That seemed to put Dean off, slightly, and it made him even more sure you should be kept in the car. Secretly, you thought it was because he was worried about your wounds, but you also knew there was a really strong chance he just did not want to see you.

When Dean realized he’d be late for his date with Jamie, your heart sank. Still, Dean ran off and left you and Sam behind to investigate.

“(Y/N),” Sam said, turning to you. “You have got to eat something. You look like hell.”

“Don’t worry about me, Sam,” you responded absently. “I’m fine.”

“No, you’re not. Talk to me.”

You continued to poke around the sarcophagus. “No,” you snapped. You realized how harsh you sounded. “I’m sorry, that was mean. I just— I can’t. I’m sorry.”

You could feel Sam scanning your face, but he just nodded slowly.

“I really am sorry, Sam,” you said sincerely.

His tone was soft and understanding. “I know you are.” 

As much as you didn’t really trust him as a result of the whole “Ruby” ordeal, Sam had a way of making you feel seen. He really was an incredible friend to you, and you hated what you felt your relationship was turning into. 

Not even ten minutes later, Sam got a call from Dean. With a panicked expression on his face, Sam gave you a look that meant the two of you needed to leave at that moment. 

“What’s wrong?” you asked. “Is Dean okay?” Your heart pounded in your throat.

“Dracula attacked,” Sam replied as he tried to hail a cab. 

“What?!” 

“Yeah,” he said. “That’s all I know right now.”

As soon as you made it to the bar, you burst through the doors. When you saw Dean sitting at a table with Jamie, your heart sank in the midst of your relief.

“Hey,” Sam called out, trailing behind you. “You guys all right?” Dean sighed. “Yeah, I think so. And I think I know what's going on.” He put a folded towel down on the table.

“Yeah?” his brother replied.

“Part of it, at least.”

You hesitantly reached out to the towel, trying to keep your distance from Jamie and Dean. He eyed you curiously while you opened the towel. An ear was inside. You lightly touched it; immediately recoiling as you realized what it was. 

“Shifter,” you stated, keeping your eyes anywhere but on Dean’s.

“Oh, man,” Sam huffed.

Dean nodded. “Just like St. Louis and just like Milwaukee. Of course this one's all holding buckets of crazy. Oh, and, uh—” he took a medallion out of his pocket and tossed it to Sam. “This, I uh, pulled it off during the fight. Look at the label on the ribbon.”

Sam scoffed when he read it. “It's a costume rental.”

“All three monsters— the Dracula, Wolf Man, and the mummy— all the same critter; which means we need to catch this freak before he Creature From the Black Lagoons somebody.”

Jamie’s voice broke in. “So, you guys are like Mulder and Scully or something, and The X-Files are real?”

You didn’t miss how Jamie failed to include you in the analogy.

“No, The X-Files is a TV show. This is real,” Dean replied.

“Oh.” The blonde looked down at the table in front of her.

“Okay, so, the stagecraft, the costuming—” Sam pointed out, “it's like he's trying to re-enact his favorite monster movie moments, right down to the bloody murders.”

Jamie furrowed her eyebrows. “Wait a second. Who the hell is Mina?”

“Mina?” Sam questioned. 

“Yeah. That's what he called Jamie,” Dean nodded. “And he called me Mr. Harker.”

You bit the inside of your lip. “Characters from the original Drac movies and novels. Harker’s Mina’s fiancé. Dracula’s obsessed with Mina. Seems he fixated on you, darlin’,” you nodded at Jamie, pushing down your jealousy.

You knew it was twisted to be jealous of a girl getting stalked, but it was just solidifying in your mind that Dean wasn’t yours anymore. And it was all your fault.

“Wow. Lucky me,” Jamie groaned.

“But to fixate on you, my guess is that the shifter has to have seen you before or been around you,” Sam added.

Dean turned to the blonde. “Jamie, has anybody strange come to town, somebody that has taken a specific notice of you?”

“I don't know, Dean. It's Oktoberfest. I'm a bartender. There's lots of people. I... wait a second. There is Ed.”

“ ‘Ed Brewer’ Ed?” Sam asked. You assumed it was someone they’d met earlier on the hunt; possibly while you were confined to the car.

“Yeah. He moved here about a month ago. Lucy swears he has a crush on me. He comes in almost every night. But, you know, I don't think he's the type of guy—”

“Where does Ed live?” Dean asked, cutting her off.

“I don't know. But he works at the old movie theater. I think he's the projectionist there.”

Sam looked to you and jerked his head toward the door. You turned on your heel, hearing Sam ask Dean to take care of “Mina” before he followed behind you. Anger bubbled in your chest, but you were trying to keep your feelings from seeping out.

****

You cocked your gun against the back of the head of Mr. Ed Brewer. 

“Whoa!” Brewer asked, holding his hands up in surrender. “W-Wait just one second, okay?” He tried to turn around to face you.

“Don’t move,” you commanded, voice eerily cold.

“W-What do you want?”

“You know what you did, Ed,” you replied.

“What?”

“I know what you are.”

“I'm not anything. I just like to play the Casio,” the man pleaded.

Sam nodded at Ed’s skull. “Had time to grow the ear back, huh?”

“What?!” He tried to turn around again.

“I said don’t fucking move,” you sneered.

Brewer froze again.

Sam tugged on Ed’s ear, but it wouldn’t budge. “It's supposed to come off.”

“No, it’s not!” he replied.

“You’re right,” you stated evenly. “I’m gonna walk away now. You don’t move until exactly two minutes after you hear the last of my footsteps, okay?”

“Okay, okay—”

You cut Ed off by pistol whipping him on the back of the head. He slumped to the floor, and you quickly rushed out of the room.

You caught Sam giving you strange looks, but you completely ignored them. “What did we miss, Sam?”

“Uh—”

“Sam! What did we miss?”

“Give me a second, (Y/N)!”

"We may not have ‘a second’!”

“The fuck are you in such a rush for?” he asked. 

“We don’t have time to talk about this, Sam,” you replied, voice becoming even again. “We gotta find this fucker, so I can—” you cut yourself off, nearly biting your tongue to avoid bringing up the angels and your “mission.” First and foremost, you were supposed to be keeping them safe. If you weren’t with Dean, you had no assurance that you were doing your job. 

“So you can what, (Y/N)?” Sam asked.

“I can’t tell you,” you answered sharply.

Thankfully, Sam just huffed and shook his head. 

****

When you got back to the bar, you strutted through the front doors that were surprisingly unlocked. As soon as you entered the bar, you felt uneasy. 

“Dean?” you called hesitantly. 

Sam just chuckled and took out his phone. “Dean, hey listen. Uh, Ed is not our guy. Um, I'm guessing you're at home with Jamie, so just give me a call, okay?”

While he left his voicemail, you walked over to the table Dean and Jamie had been sitting at. You stopped short at a broken bottle on the floor, and a napkin had a lipstick color on it you hadn’t seen Jamie wearing.

“Sam,” you said, feeling slightly choked.

He walked over to you and looked down at the napkin. “Lucy,” he murmured.

“Wait, Jamie’s friend?” you asked.

Sam nodded. 

“Fuckin’ hell,” you sighed heavily. 

****

Sam tracked Dean’s cell phone as you sped to the house the signal pinged at. As soon as the car was parked, you were sprinting up the stairs to the door of the house. Sam picked the lock, and you burst in, sneaking around with your gun drawn. 

You nodded for Sam to check upstairs while you went to check downstairs. Quietly, you slinked down the stairs with cat-like grace. Silently, you were hoping you’d be finding Jamie instead of Dean to avoid the awkward rescue scenario. 

Alas, your prayers were not answered. You entered the dark basement and saw a large, medieval looking torture device in the center of the room. Dean grunted while he tried to make it out of his chains, muttering the odd, “Dammit!” 

You lowered your gun as you rounded the device. “Dean?” You came to a stop in front of him, feeling everything in you wanting to run right out of the room.

“Get me outta here, would ya?” His tone was harsh.

You nodded obediently, wanting to avoid fighting with him as much as possible. It upset you that Dean could make the Lederhosen Dracula had dressed him in work. 

“Where’s Sam?” he asked.

You nodded at the stairs. 

“Silent treatment?” Dean scoffed. “Mature.”

“Stop, Dean, please,” you begged quietly. You hated that your voice came out as more of a whine than anything. Then, you rushed out of the room in an attempt to avoid any further conflict. 

When you heard a loud crash upstairs, you ran up the steps to the second floor. Dean followed close behind and burst into the room the scuffling sounds seemed to be coming from. 

Immediately, Dracula tackled Dean. “And you, Harker, now you die.” Dean choked out, “How 'bout now you shut the fuck up?”

With Dean trying to shield himself on the floor, you waited for Dracula to raise his sternum up enough for you to fire. Just as the monster was about to finish Dean off, you shot him once in the chest.

“Silver?” the monster said, seeming mystified. He looked up at you menacingly holding your gun. “It was beauty that killed the beast. No, Mina, do not weep.” He dramatically collapsed into a chair. “Perhaps this is how the movie should end.”

You rolled your eyes and shook your head, immediately turning on your heels to walk out of the room.

****

The next day, you slumped down in the back seat of the Impala while Dean and Jamie made out just outside the passenger’s side window. 

Faintly, you heard Jamie say, “Well, thank you, G-Man. You have been a great service to your country.” “Oh, yes, I'm very, very patriotic,” he responded flirtatiously.

You scoffed, pulling your gun out of the bag on the seat next to you to clean it. 

When the two brothers finally bid Jamie goodbye and got down into the car, Dean turned his eyes to you in the rearview mirror. “Jamie said to thank you.” He stared at you in the rearview mirror waiting for you to respond.

You never answered, and Dean just shook his head and started driving.

Series Rewrite Taglist: @polireader @brightlilith @atcamillanorrman @jrizzelle @insomnia-bookworm @procrastination20 @mrs-nesmith @djs8891 @tiggytaylor @staple-your-mouth @jesstherebel @rach5ive @strawberrykiwisdogog @bruhidkjustwannaread @mxltifxnd0m @sunshine-on-marz @big-ol-boat @mgchaser @capncrankle @chervbs @simpingdeadcharacters @nesnejwritings @stillhere197 @tearsforhan @take-it-on-the-run @iloveyou2mia @maxinehufflepuffprincess @ohgeehowdigethere @seninjakitey @berarenado @s0urw00lf @princessleahorgana @quarterhorse19 @isla-finke-blog @silverdoragon @karacaroldanvers @gayandfairycore @examishbookwyrm @star-yawnznn @real-sharena-h @fandomloverrr @metalmonki @onlyangel-444 @yu-winchester @benniwiththefanni @daisychaingirl @immagods @missmieux @yoongi-holland @littledebbieinabigworld

[for-a-longlongtime]

Hey Anon, I saw your message this morning! 💜

You pointed out "Yall need to be careful of bi erasure" and linked to a post someone made about me. I appreciate the heads up! To be honest, I’m not concerned about people suggesting that I’m doing bi erasure. Whether it’s regarding Pedro characters in canon, head canons, or bisexuality in any other way. But hey, everybody can have their opinion about things, including what they think about me.

I dont talk much about myself here, but my tumblr bio has said from day 1 that I’m a bi woman. My master list mentions most of my fic “is queer (m/m, bi4bi, m/m/f, non-binary and trans characters)”. Folks who have read my fic know I've written pairings where every character is explicitly bi ( Frankie x f!reader x Santi; Peña x Rockford x OFC; Ezra x f!reader x Benny Miller, and WIPs with Joel and Marcus M, Frankie x f!reader x OFC and Maximus x Acacius x Lucilla).

Can bisexual people still do bi erasure? Sure!

Do I worry whether straight folks or other random folks online think I'm involved in bi erasure? Nahhh.

Anyway, I did make some posts the other day based on anons submitted to me about issues re: queer representation in this fandom. Let me just direct you to the several posts I made on that day, which started in response to a question about Renaldo:

"Was Renaldo Gay in the SNL sketch?? I've seen a lot of blogs saying he wasn't?". TL;DR version of my response: the ending of the song states "word to the wise, if you've got wives, hide them from the three bros!" suggesting that Renaldo, Domingo, and Santiago all hook up with women/wives. Considering Renaldo hooked up with Matthew, that probably makes him bisexual (and not the fact that he had Sophie, aka Sabrina's character, dancing up on him) - or queer, or someone who doesn't like to label himself. However, while 'hide your wives' works linguistically as a great punch line to wrap up the song, it does not refer to Renaldo's affair with Matthew (now that is bi erasure, if you wanna be exact), so I did point out that 'hide your spouses' would've been more accurate - but understandably, that's not as catchy. I'm currently writing a Renaldo x Matthew one shot, and I said my headcanon has Renaldo as gay - but that's my interpretation/hc/fic.

Someone wrote to me: Some blogs in the fandom is hellbent on taking away any attention away from anything mlm based with his characters anyway so it wouldn't matter in Renaldo was gay - someone would find a loophole to make him like women. TL;DR I agreed, because there are people who definitely do that. It became part of a longer thread of reblogs with some other folks in which we talked about how Pedro's mlm (men loving men) characters, such as Oberyn, Dieter and Silva in particular, either tend to be canonized primarily as bisexual by people but in fic are almost always paired with women (f!reader or OFCs). Which is fine, but people are definitely interested in seeing more m/m representation for those characters. Someone also brought up that when Pedro characters are paired with non-binary reader inserts or OC, it tends to be mostly afab!nb (or afab!trans characters), and that they were surprised that there weren't more amab!nb characters - that's a great point too.

I made a post with an anon message that pointed out "MLM includes bi, pan and queer men. They might like women. (And/or other genders, but they still like men)". Very correct!

Finally, there was an excellent long message from an anon saying "We need more representation of bi people in same-gender relationships represented" and that even in threesomes or throuples (fic) that include two men, there should ideally be more mlm representation. Once again, I fully agree. Everybody should write whatever they want, but I do often see threesomes that are listed as Pedro Character 1 x reader x Pedro Character 2, but in the fic it's more like reader having sex with two straight men at the same time while they're trying to not cross swords, rather than mlm being represented. THIS IS DEFINITELY CHANGING THOUGH: it's wonderful to see a big increase of mlm characters in threesomes/throuple fics over the past year!

So here is my main issue with a lot of people who are raging about 'bi erasure', and why I've made several posts about queerness within this fandom (not just recently, but from the start). Of course bisexual people exist (hello, it me, for one). Pull up some statistics if you want: there are a lot more folks who identify as bisexual than there are folks who identify as gay or lesbian. I'm an older millenial, so if you wanna talk about bi erasure: the measure in which it happens today is nothing compared to the bi erasure and deeply engrained homophobia we experienced in our teens and twenties from society at large. However:

🏳‍🌈 In your rush to point out bisexuals exist, you're shutting down a much broader dialogue with people within the LGBTQIA+ community. 🏳‍🌈

Because have you noticed how gay men, nonbinary/genderqueer fans, amab!trans or amab!nonbinary FANS (not fic characters; I'm talking actual people) are extremely underrepresented in this fandom? In addition to in fic? And that these fans won't have their fiction or actual posts shared all that much? Or that when they carefully speak up, e.g. about being happy to see Pedro portray Silva as a gay character, they're immediately rebuffed and called biphobic or that they're trying to erasure bisexuality?

Yeah. That part.

It's messed up.

Nobody is even making demands. Nobody is even saying "what writers are doing is wrong". They're just saying, "This is a bummer". And some of us are pointing out that mlm Pedro characters in m/m pairings are hard to come by, which is too bad because it's not only us queers who read m/m Pedro character pairings - there are lots of straight fans out there who have indicated they like reading that, too.

Are you gonna call that bi erasure? Or marginalization of women? Or anything really except for what it actually is? Fans are just saying "yknow, I wish there were more fans/fic characters/bodies in fic represented in this fandom that look and feel more like me". People seem to have finally understood that in varying degrees when this applies to body type or racial/cultural background (which took many white people a lot longer to fully grasp; BIPOC folks have been saying this for such a long time already) - it's about diversity and wanting to feel included. But when gay or transfolks say this about mlm, a whole bunch of y'all are crying bi erasure?

In short (and I can't believe I need to even fuckin' say this):

The Pedro fandom or its fic does NOT belong exclusively to women.

It does not belong to cis folks, to straight people, or any other particular group of people.

Aren't we all just trying to be a community? Then stop acting like people reading Silva or Renaldo (or any other character) as gay are erasing bisexuality - that's not the case or the damn point.

And anon-- my critique truly isn't directed at you, I'm not dragging you in any way. You took the effort to bring something to my attention, plus you clearly care about people, and I appreciate that a lot. But there are tons of people who don't dare to speak up about this in public settings, so I can't help but take this opportunity to not only clarify what I said earlier -- but also to address the bigger problem at large. Read or write all the gossip blogs you want, by all means, but maybe also consider using that time to actually connect with people.

[mrderofcr0ws]

HEADLOCK

JAMES BUCHANAN BARNES

that was the name written on a gravestone in brooklyn with no body below it since the sergeant had been pronounced dead in 1945.

the body that once belonged to that name was now hydra's most prized possession— but the winter soldier was not the only danger locked away down in the remote siberian facility. you were there, too. a monster made from horrors most refused to believe could be real.

two trained killing machines.

one bound to commands and trigger words.

the other bound to instinct and bloodlust.

it had been a long time since either of you had seen the sun. you could get out with his help in the brief, painful moments of clarity he had. when he answered to that long forgotten name, you could escape together.

but bucky was often buried under that brooklyn headstone-and the winter soldier who slept in the bunk below you nearly every night was a danger to even you.

this is a fic that explores bucky's time in hydra. the content warnings are as follows: torture, manipulation, angst, pain, psychological horror, graphic descriptions and language, poetic comparisons to cannibalism, hurt with minimal comfort at times, stockholm syndrome, smut, degrading, power imbalance, canon divergence. 18+ fic.

— DEAD DOVE: DO NOT EAT WARNING —

THIS SPECIFIC CHAPTER OF “HEADLOCK”CONTAINS A NEW SET OF POTENTIALLY TRIGGERING CONTENT ON TOP OF THE ONES LISTED ABOVE THAT PERTAINS TO THE TRUAMA OF THE READERS CHARACTER. THE LIST IS AS FOLLOWS: kidnapping, themes of stalking, implied sexual abuse and assault, drugging, mutilation, and trafficking.

bucky x fem!reader (you have a given name in this fic for the sake of making writing easier, but it will be used sparingly)

word count: idk i write on tumblr... but this one is really, really long, guys, im ngl… (roughly edited)

<- previous part

author note: this chapter is heavily inspired by the song “strangers” by ethel cain. i recommend giving it a listen after you read to deepen the experience. on my masterlist, i shared my bucky playlist that i use to write this fic, too. music is a big source of inspiration for me — the title of this fic and each chapter’s title are a direct reference to the imogen heap song ‘headlock’ (except this one) — and a lot of what i write has songs to go along with the emotions that i try to capture and portray. i hope you enjoy if you decide to listen to the song or take a peek at my playlist.

sorry in advance, everyone.

-crow

PART FIVE —

— WITH MY MEMORY RESTRICTED TO A POLAROID IN EVIDENCE.

a girl had been born to a mother and a father in a small romanian town in 1919.

her mother tended to the house and grew the prettiest flowers in the front garden. she had flowers that bloomed in every season and she had the longest hair anyone had ever seen. her father was a factory worker. he helped manufacture car parts like steering wheels and headlights. he was a strong man. strong like an ox who could lift his two children over his head like they weighed nothing at all, even when they grew to be too big.

this girl had a little brother and her little brother went on to become a scholar as they got older. a scientist. a virologist determined to cure the sick. he moved away to a bigger city when he was old enough and had enough money in his pockets. but he was a good boy. a kind one. he always sent money back home. he sent his sister pictures of the city he lived in and wrote to her every month.

the girl stayed with her parents.

she stayed with her mother— and she and her mother opened a flower shop out of their garage together. it had been her idea. her mother was hesitant. she did not see the value others could find in flowers grown from their garden— but the girl had heard the compliments. their neighbors always had nice things to say as they crossed paths. she saw how people would stop and stare outside their house.

with a bit of persistence and a sweet charming smile, her mother came around to the idea.

for years, she and her mother sold the prettiest flowers for the prettiest shiny pennies. they spent the spring knee deep in dirt, planting seeds and dirtying their nails as they giggled together. in the summer, they would fan themselves off and drink cold iced tea under the shade of their garage head, selling out their flower supply in a matter of days.

she had a good life.

she had been a happy girl.

in 1943 at the age of 24, the girl had met a man deployed to her town during world war ii. an officer.

he took a great liking to her and came to visit her every day. she paid him no mind outside of small conversations and pouring him a glass of iced tea when he asked for one. he paid a dollar every time and she slipped it into her pocket. her mother always beamed when he came by. hospitality was her trade and she welcomed the solider each and every time he popped his head into the garage.

her mother would’ve been cross with her if she knew that her daughter was taking a dollar from him for a cup of iced tea— but it was their little secret.

the girl now grown grew used to his presence.

she grew used to his persistence, too.

he wasn’t so bad to be around when he brought chocolates. he had learned how to swoon the stubborn girl who had caught his eye— and the officer asked on her a date.

a man on deployment shouldn’t date but what else was there to do in that tiny romanian town.

and she agreed.

of course, she had. she’d grown fond of him. a foolish little thing with a crush, she had come to enjoy his visits. when he asked her out, he’d brought her a new dress for the occasion and promised to have her home by 9 o’clock.

how sweet things could sour so terribly…

she never returned from her date on july 9th, 1943.

her mother never saw her again and all the flowers in the garden died. her father lost his strength and he could hardly lift himself out of bed. his brother grew sick with grief and he left the city to return home.

it was all a story.

it was a sad story that filled you with dread knowing there was no way to change the fate of the poor girl who had been stolen away.

but that’s all it was.

just a story.

you had no memories of pretty flowers. no memories of doting parents. no memories of a little brother. there was no house you could close your eyes and picture. there was no town to call home. there were no neighbors. no friends. no officer.

the pictures in the folder made your throat sting. the girl in them had your face. it was the face you could not look at in the mirror— but her story meant nothing.

her story was not yours.

yours had only began where hers ended.

that was the difference between you and the winter soldier— and if nick fury was trying to appeal to a better side of you he believed had to exist by handing you that folder, he was wrong.

whatever hydra had done to you in the very beginning, it was different than what they had done to him. you had no memories— but he had his. they were buried under the rubble of the thousands of pieces they shattered him into over and over again. like shards of a broken mirror, everything reflected off of each other. it was too hard to make sense of— and that is why they tortured him.

they made it too hard for him to sort through the pieces by jumbling them up each and every time he got the courage to try.

your mind was void of everything that came before. it was a blank white space like the room you sat in now.

that is why manipulation and brainwashing could not work on you the way it did for him. there was nothing they could toy with. there was nothing they could take away because they already had— so much so that you could only see the blocks that built your story for yourself when they were placed in front of you within the folder.

pictures of the girl named isla were not the only ones paper clipped to the pages holding any and every bit of information there was about her. a picture of her parents. a picture of her and her brother. a picture of their house in romania. your heart ached as you rubbed the pad of your thumb over the picture of this girl’s mother— but there was no lightbulb.

there was no click.

there was nothing you could recall about this woman— of either women in those pictures.

but you knew one face in that folder better than you even knew your own.

as you flipped the page, his face was clipped to the top of the sheet of paper with the red logo at the top.

hydra.

a hydra document.

a hydra officer.

nikta patrova’s face stared stone-cold back at you.

“stop it,” a far, far away voice cried out. “don’t touch me! please, stop! stop!”

you shut your eyes and all you could see was the blank white void. in every direction you looked in the space behind your eyelids, it was nothing but white. it wasn’t anything at all.

“get off me!”

the ground below your feet began to tremble.

the sound that echoed in the space between your ears was the awful, terrible crackling sound of ice giving way. kukukuku.

the void in your mind was not a void at all.

it was a landscape of unyielding winter— and the ice below your feet shattered, sending you sinking into the freezing depths of a darkness long sealed away.

the smell of blood burned your nose as you crawled through the tall grass under a moonless sky. one hand after the other, you heaved yourself across the dirt. across the grass. across the field.

he tugged you back by your ankles and a sharp, petrified gasp ejected from your lungs. you screamed as you twisted and writhed on the ground like a snake with its head cut off. your nails dug into his arms. blood painted your nails as you tore open skin— but he only snickered.

“shhh,” he hushed as he covered your mouth with his large, calloused hand. “come on, don’t be this way.”

you bit down on his hand and blood stained your teeth. he hissed, pulling his hand back. he put the wound in his mouth, grunting as he suckled on the hurt.

“you little bitch…” he whispered.

the dirt suffocated you and you choked on it each time you tried to draw breath. it stuck to your blood stained mouth as he pressed his palm down into the back of your head and held you in place. on a breezeless summer night, the rustle in the grass was no fault of the winds.

you never saw that field by the river again.

you never took the path back into the town you called home.

and you never returned to the house with the prettiest flowers in the front garden at 9 o’clock.

“get up,”the officer said. he grabbed you by your elbow and hoisted you to your feet. “walk.”

it was hard to walk. you had been cramped in the trunk of that dirty, rusty car for hours. the sun was too bright. you stumbled alongside him as he guided you by the back of your neck towards a warehouse.

you hit the floor hard as he shoved you inside. you scraped your hands on the concrete floor. your knees, too. you looked up with tears in your eyes. in the warehouse, men dressed in dark uniforms stood around a circular table.

“nikta,” one of them turned. a general. he glanced at you with little interest. his next words were in a language you didn’t understand. “what is this?”

nikta grabbed you by the roots of your hair. a cry escaped you and you reached up to grab his wrists. he dragged you over to the table of uniformed men and whispered two words you could not understand.

two words that had damned you.

“she bites.”

you cried ceaselessly in that dusty, dirty trunk when he shoved you back inside it.

you cried ceaselessly when he and the group of uniformed generals forced you onto an airplane.

you cried ceaselessly as you were put in chains and led inside one of hydra’s weapon facilities.

you only stopped crying once they put you in a cell.

you stopped crying because you weren’t alone.

“hey,” a low, soft voice whispered.

you turned at the sound. through the metal bars to your left, you saw the silhouette of him. you wiped your face off on your arms and winced as you made your way across the cold stone floor to the bars separating you both.

“you alright?” the pale, blue-eyed man asked you. he had bruises on his face and bags under his eyes. his short, dark hair was a mess across his forehead. “christ, they roughed you up pretty bad, huh?”

“i…i don’t understand you,” you whispered through trembling lips. you spoke no english. you spoke no russian like the guards did. you had been drowning for days in words you didn’t understand.

his eyes widened, “romanian? you speak romanian? i mean— you’re romanian?”

it felt like god had heard your prayers to hear him speak the only language you understood. you couldn’t help but cry. you placed your hands atop his on the bars and wept like a baby.

“yes.” you cried. your head dropped and you curled into yourself. big, wet tears left streaks on your dirty face. “you— you are, too?”

“yeah. my grandparents moved from there to america.” he said with a smile. he squeezed your hands and rubbed them between his, trying to warm up your fingers. you hadn’t noticed how cold you were.

“how long have you been here?” you asked in a whisper, glancing around at the cold, desolate cells around you. he had been the only one down here before you showed up.

his smile faltered but he tried to keep a brave face. “only a little while.”

he was lying and you knew it, but you didn’t push.

“what’s your name?” he asked as he settled down to sit directly across from you.

“isla,” you told him softly. you sniffled and wiped your face on your sleeves. “my names isla.”

“isla,” he grinned as he said your name. “it’s nice to meet you. i’m james but my friends call me bucky.”

“james,” you said with a small smile.

“bucky,” he corrected. he gave your hands a soft squeeze and whispered like a promise, “we are friends now, isla. call me bucky.”

“friends.” you agreed, squeezing his hand back.

they left you to rot in your cell for more days than you could count.

but they always took him away.

like clockwork, they came each morning to take him and brought him back each night. every day got worse. he lost more and more weight. you tried to share the food they would toss at you but he would politely decline. every time he tried to eat it would all come back up, anyways.

he would apologize to you profusely after he tossed up nothing but bile in the corner of his cell. you would have to cover your ears at the sound of him gagging. the air would smell like sickness. he’d apologize for it over and over again as you sat together with the iron bars separating you.

the time passed slow but he made it all a little easier.

he was a talker.

he would talk about anything and everything even when he didn’t feel well just to keep the quiet away.

he hated the quiet.

he told you about where he had grown up. about his parents. about his sister. he told you about his best friend steve and how they had turned him into a super soldier.

captain america.

you knew that name. you had seen a picture of him in the newspaper not too long ago. he was spotted in europe traveling around to boost the moral of the america troops.

bucky took that news as bravely as he could.

his best friend was on the same continent as him— but no one knew where he was and he doubted very much that they had any resources to spare towards looking for him.

he made his peace with it.

it was you who did not.

“bucky,” you murmured.

“hm?” he asked without opening his eyes. he was holding your hand through the bars like always, exhausted and cold. the two of you were trembling, trying to seek each others body heat despite the bars between you.

“do you think we’ll die down here?”

he opened his eyes and met your gaze. he pulled his hand from yours and slipped it through another bar, placing his hand on your cheek. he wiped the tears off your nose and shook his head.

“nah,” he whispered with a smile. “you and me? we’re going to live until we’re a hundred, darlin’.”

you giggled and placed your hand atop his, pressing your face into his touch. “a hundred?”

“at least that, yeah.” he chuckled.

you slept easy that night.

but the next morning, it wasn’t bucky they took.

“let her go!” he roared, slamming against the bars of the cell. he tried to grab at the officers who dragged you out and into the hallway. “isla!”

you reached for him, the tips of your fingers grazing.

the officer who had stolen you away once before stole you away again once more.

that was the last time you saw bucky.

that was the last memory the girl in the pictures had before you took her place.

you opened yours eyes and stared at the folder in your lap. you brought your hands to your face, touching the tears pouring down. you wiped at them. over and over again until your skin was raw, you wiped your face dry.

the imaginary lightbulb above your head flickered.

nikta.

the hydra officer who had stolen you away and made you what you were— it was all him. every single bit.

he chose you to be weapon-v.

he brought you to hydra and threw you at their feet.

you were his project and they froze him year after year alongside you so that he could keep his eyes on you.

and yet in the end, he turned the gun on bucky and you killed him for it…

why would he have done that after all this time?

you could’ve been sick all over yourself at you saw his stone-cold glare in the picture beside yours. you grabbed the picture out of the folder and let out a bereaved scream. you tore it to shreds as disgust spread across your skin and infected the marrow of your bones.

you fell back against the bed and cried into your pillow. your clawed at the mattress. rage vibrated in every cell of your body. you could’ve torn the room apart— but you were weak. fear made you weak.

the despair you felt knowing there were so many more gaps to fill in froze you still on the bed as you shed tear after tear.

you wanted your mother.

you curled into yourself despite the way your wound protested and clutched the photo of your parents to your chest.

they were long since dead by now.

and you should’ve been reaching the end of your time, too, but you were nearly still that young girl they lost all those years ago.

— ☆ —

“i want everything you have on him.”

nick finished placing down your food but you pushed the small table away. you weren’t hungry.

“the files we have on sergeant barnes are classified.” nick said with a sympathetic frown. “sorry, kid.”

“i’m classified,” you hissed out from between your sharp teeth. “give me the damn files.”

nick stared at you for a long, painful moment.

tears were brimming on your lashes and you tried so hard to fight them— but you couldn’t.

“please,” you begged in a broken voice. you closed your eyes and the tears fell free. “i need to know what happened to him.”

“let me make a call.”

you looked up but nick was already out the door. a soft breath of relief escaped you and you turned your head. the food was steaming beside you. freshly prepared.

you swallowed your pride and ate it.

it wasn’t too bad…

— ☆ —

when you saw nick again, he had a file in his hand. not only that but an agent behind him wheeled in a television. your brows pinched together as you sat up.

“here’s the deal,” nick said, holding up the folder. “i show you everything i have on barnes and you tell me everything i wanna know about the two of you. got it?”

you nodded once.

you’d decide whether or not you’d tell him anything of substance when he asked the questions.

his folder felt as heavy as a headstone in your hands.

you placed it down on your lap and ran the tips of your fingers over his name.

SGT. JAMES BUCHANAN BARNES

HOWLING COMMANDO

[ DECEASED ]

you held your breath as you opened the folder.

a massive stack of papers with every bit of information there was of him greeted you. your heart sank as you skimmed the old, aged ink.

his name. his birthday. his height and weight. his birthplace. his parents names. his enlistment papers. his mission logs.

the medical report from the day he’d been brought back to his company.

you had not been with him the day captain america broke into the hydra base and freed his friend.

doctor zola had sent you away three days earlier to the siberian facility in the mountains. when bucky was freed by steve, they were pulling out all your teeth and reconstructing your jaw.

the answer to the longstanding question between the two of you was now answered.

you had been made first.

you bit the inside of your cheek as you picked up the note smooshed between the next two pages. the crumpled, stained piece of old parchment had his handwriting on it.

you touched the words written in pencil.

——————————————————————————

santa,

her name is isla and i need help to find her.

i have to get her out.

i told her we’d live until we were 100.

- bucky 12/25/1944

——————————————————————————

“oh, god.” you cried, clutching the note to your chest.

guilt burned through every inch of you.

how could you have forgotten him?

the sweet-hearted soldier who held your hands and wiped away your tears. how could you have forgotten that? it was as clear to you now as the moment it had happened— but where had it gone?

where had it all gone?

where had he gone?

you brought the note to your lips and held it against them. it smelled old and worn. when you closed your eyes and tried to picture his face, the only thing you saw was winter and his blank, icy stare.

it was hard to imagine them as one person— just like it was nearly impossible for you to see yourself as the girl in those photos.

bucky hated the quiet. you could recall so vividly now how he hummed a soft, jazzy tune each night you both would grow too tired to talk. he would run his fingers through your hair and hum until he exhausted himself.

winter was quiet. far too quiet.

they weren’t the same.

you and isla weren’t the same.

not anymore.

as you flipped the page, you saw the date at the top of the paper and your heart sank.

1945.

bucky had never found you.

though he tried, a years time had passed and there was no trace of you. you where a ghost in the snow and there were bigger missions for him to see out.

you didn’t blame him.

you couldn’t.

because even if he had found you, you wouldn’t have been able to recall his face.

it was fight in the freight-car that got him killed. he was hanging on to the dangling door for dear life as steve tried to reach him. but it broke. and he fell.

bucky was pronounced dead on january 9th, 1945.

the winter soldier project was resumed on january 9th, 1945 when he was found by hydra soldiers who took him to the facility in the mountains.

you were in your first sleep when they brought him in. underneath the floor frozen in a cryochamber, neither of you had any idea that you were together again.

he didn’t know that you had lived.

and you didn’t know that he had died.

a little less so than before, but you two were soon to become strangers to each other once more.

it broke your heart to read that there were no efforts made in finding him. it was accepted throughout the whole of his platoon that the fall had killed him and it was too dangerous to try and find his impact sight in the mountains.

his friends believed that he was alone and broken in the snow all this time.

and you hadn’t even remembered him.

you covered your mouth with your hand and stifled a sob as you saw the pictures of him. a collage of four. a couple paperclipped to the back of the folder. you wiped away your tears before they could fall and you tried through hardest to see through them as you pulled the piece of paper with all of them glued down out of the folder.

“hello, soldier.” you whispered, touching the picture of him in his uniform.

he was handsome.

you had forgotten how handsome bucky was.

you brushed your thumb across the photo of his face with the cut on it. you knew that cut. you had dabbed your sleeve against it to try and stop it from bleeding. it was one of the last things you had done before you were taken away.

how bittersweet it was to know that photo had been taken of him after he had been brought back safe.

you unclipped the two photos on the back of the folder carefully. a soft smile curled across your lips at the picture of him and his buddy captain america.

his best friend steve.

it was nice to put an unmasked face to steve’s name.

it was strange to see him with short hair— to remember him with it. it made it all the more hard to accept that his man was the same man you had spent every single day with up until your capture.

he was the same man you shared a cell with.

he was the same you are every meal with.

he was the same man you showered with.

he was the same man you punched and kicked and bit and fucked.

but it wasn’t the same man it all.

the man in these pictures was someone you hadn’t seen in a long, long time despite the fact that you had been with him just yesterday.

bucky was a ghost.

sometimes, you heard him whisper and you could see the remnants of him flickering in winter’s cold blue eyes— but bucky had died a long time ago.

and so had isla.

there was only the two of you.

you and winter.

you should’ve given yourself the grace to mourn them — bucky and isla — but it was too late to start.

you placed the picture of bucky and steve down and picked the other one up. you hummed audibly at the sight of his smile. it made you smile. something so automatic. something so sincere.

he was with his squad.

with a charming smile and a cigarette between his teeth, he was surrounded by his brothers-in-arms.

you were careful as you put everything back into his folder— as careful as placing flowers into a casket. you took one last look of the photo of him with the cut on his face.

you kissed the small hurt like you should’ve done back then to comfort him.

you held the folders out for agent fury to take. he was sitting in the chair by your bed. he had stayed quiet and let you…

grieve.

“will you keep them together?” you asked in a whisper. it was such a stupid request but it meant something to you.

those were more than just folders.

they were graves.

“sure,” nick said with a small nod.

you swallowed hard and looked anywhere else. your gaze fell upon the tv. “what is that for?”

“you said that you wanted everything we had on barnes.” nick said as he stood up. he clicked the lights off and flicked on the tv. “this is the rest of it.”

your brows drew together and you watched the screen intently as the camera fumbled. whoever was moving it was doing a piss-poor job of it. you could hear the clunky audio of the tripod bumping into things.

when the camera was finally set up, you saw the bar from the picture. it took a moment to find them but the camera settled on the two of them: bucky barnes and steve rogers.

you sat forward and ignored the pain it brought you. you could hear them laughing together over the music. over the chatter in the bar, you could hear his voice. they had no idea they were being filmed. they spoke like teenage boys as they caught up with each other.

“i really don’t like this whole ‘you’re-now-taller-than-me’ thing.” bucky said as he took a sip of his beer. “it freaks me out. i used to be able to fit you in my pocket, little man.”

steve chuckled and glanced over at him, “i like it.”

“of course, you like it. now you know what it’s like to look down at a woman and see her cleavage from above.” bucky said, wiggling his eyebrows.

steve blew a raspberry and rolled his eyes. “you’re a real dog, buck, y’know that?”

“woof! woof! woof!” bucky barked, throwing his arm around his best friend.

the two of them downed their beers together before the camera turned off.

the tv screen flickered and you watched as nick changed the tape. when the next video started, you sat back in your bed and let the tension in your shoulders drop.

it was an army home-video. the cameraman made his way passed each and every person in the squad. you saw him in the background.

shirtless with two human arms.

it made you smile.

he was shaving in front of a small mirror. as the camera man walked around and he caught wind that he was being filmed, he started flexing in the background. he kissed his muscles and winked.

“look at barnes,” laughed one of the soldiers.

“guys, c’mon, this is supposed to be a serious documentary for roger’s whole big thing. we are living through a historical moment in time. it’s important!” the cameraman complained.

“oh, this is important alright.” bucky said as he walked up to the camera. he leaned in close to it and batted his eyelashes. “hello ladies. like what you see?”

the camera turned away. “you’re going to fog up my lens, jackass!”

“oh, great heavens!” bucky cried out in a god awful posh accent.

the camera turned in time to catch him with his middle fingers up. he hid them behind his back and bowed politely, “good evening.”

“roger’s, how the hell did you put up with this guy?” asked one of the soldiers.

“to be fair, bucky did a lot of putting up with me.” steve said as the camera turned towards him.

“he used to be the size of my pinky picking fights with guys who could toss him over their heads like a sack of potatoes.” bucky said. he stepped into frame beside steve as he pulled on a shirt. he pointed at the camera and said, “america, i want you to know that our nations hero used to be an instigator and feral little street rat that used to not only get his ass royally kicked but mine, too.”

“i will not confirm or deny anything at this time.” steve said with a bow of his head.

“barnes when you’re not getting your ass kicked, what’s it like being captain america’s best friend?” one of the soldiers asked. he held the end of a hairbrush towards the two of them and pretended to interview them.

bucky grabbed ahold of the brush and started screaming into the camera. the whole room erupted into laughter.

steve took the fake mic and said, “for those who don’t know, that means ‘i love you,’ in german. isn’t he just so kind?”

the two of them laughed together, smiling at each other before the tv went black.

music began to play.

your breath got stuck in your throat as the melody floated through the air towards you. it struck you in the heart. the trumpet’s melody was familiar.

this was the song he would hum to himself.

clips began to roll across the screen of him. videos that had him in the background. some more soundless videos of him walking around the bunks and sticking his tongue out at the camera. there were clips of him walking alongside his platoon— walking with steve in his captain america uniform.

the last clip of him ever taken was a video of him right before the howling commandos followed captain america onto the train.

he never returned from that mission.

and you couldn’t help but notice how nervous he looked on the screen in front of you.

you wanted to reach out and save him— but nick shut the tv off.

for a moment, the room was completely dark. it was so dark that you expected to feel the bed rattle as he tossed and turned somewhere below you in his bunk.

but he wasn’t here.

and when nick turned the lights on, you were faced with the horrible emotion now pressing down onto your chest for the first time.

you missed him.

you missed winter.

you couldn’t show it because you could not be weak now of all times— but you were afraid. you had been told so much. shown so much. you remembered so much.

all you wanted was him.

and you missed him.

you missed bucky because isla missed bucky and that part of you — no matter how fleeting she was now— had the privilege to know him for even the smallest amount of time.

and that was a gift.

a gift that you promised yourself you would never forget again.

“now,” agent fury said as he sat down beside you. he pulled a recorder out of his jacket and clicked it on. he placed it on the table beside your bed. “i want answers.”

“you told me that shield knew more about either of us than i could imagine. what questions could you possibly have for me?” you asked before he could.

he grinned at you. “your friend agent nikta patrova defecting from hydra to join shield may have bought him a few brownie points, but we’re only selling lemon tarts right now. you, miss constantinescu, happen to have enough lemon tart points to buy out the whole lemon tart bake sale shield is hosting.”

“i’m not fond of word games.” you said with a roll of your eyes. “and don’t ever call him my friend. he is no friend of mine.”

“yeah, i put that together when you threw a knife into his chest and nearly killed him.” nick said.

nick watched your face go pale and your shoulders tense. he glanced behind him, as if he could see nikta from where he sat right now.

“he’s…alive?” you asked in a whisper.

“he is.” nick said.

“go on and ask him all your questions then. he will know more than i will.” you said with a scowl.

“miss constantinescu, im going to be straight with you. the questions i am going to ask you are not to find out intel about project winter or project vampire. you’re right. we know all that. that’s why you’re here with me now.”

“this,” nick gestured between the two of you. “is an interview.”

you recoiled the smallest bit. “what?”

“an interview, miss constantinescu. shield has known about your existence for some time now thanks to agent nikta’s guilty conscious— and it’s taken a lot to find you. it’s a known fact that you and sergeant barnes are highly trained and lethal expert assassins, but all it takes is one look into either of your project files to show loud and clear that you two are only following orders in order to see another day.”

“that is why shield is offering you a chance.” nick said as he leaned back in his chair.

“a chance…” you repeated the word. it didn’t feel right coming off your tongue. “what kind of chance?”

“a chance to do the right thing.” nick said. he crossed his arms against his chest, maintaining a lax posture as to not put you anymore on edge.

if only he knew how much worse seeing him pretend to be casual made you feel.

“and my options are?” you asked softly.

“you join shield today — right now — and your record is scrubbed clean. fresh start. a new life for you while working for us— helping us bring down hydra at its most weakest spots.”

nick shrugged, “or you go to a maximum security prison in the middle of the ocean where you will never see the sun again.”

you closed your eyes and you couldn’t help but laugh. covering your mouth with the tips of your fingers, you giggled.

“something funny, miss constantinescu?” ageny fury asked, raising his brows.

“yeah. yeah, you know, it’s really funny to me that you think i have a choice in all this. you think that just because you showed me a folder of the woman i once was and i shed a few tears over some dead soldier that what? i’m not the monster you’ve been told i am?”

“i am much worse,” you whispered like a reluctant promise, as if you were trying to spare him from the truth. “i know no other life than the one i was made for. i kill, i eat, i freeze, and i do it all again.”

“there is no choice for me, agent fury, because hydra will come for me. they will come and they will find me. i will not jeopardize what little space i’ve carved out for myself in the rock of my cell for a fresh start that won’t last when they find me. when they know i’ve betrayed them, they will take me from him— and that is not something i can live with.”

“aren’t you alone now?” nick asked. he glanced around. “where is the winter soldier?”

you laughed a again. “men like you think you know everything, don’t you?”

“don’t i?” nick smiled at you and scooted his chair closer to your bedside. “you know, i find the nature of you incredibly fascinating. they did a lot of work on you. you are technically a super soldier— but they gave you special teeth and rewired your olfactory nerve. i know of your dietary habits but they use a strange word in your files that i can’t help but think is a bit out of place.”

“bloodlust. that’s what they call it when you fall into spells of rage. you can wipe out of a whole platoon of men all with your teeth, isn’t that right?” nick asked.

you said nothing.

“but see, here’s the thing i just don’t believe. i don’t believe that you become this insatiable, feral monster at the sight of blood. if you did, then you sure kept a tight grip on yourself on the street yesterday when it was raining blood.” he said.

you tried to lie. “my mask was stuck.”

“bullshit,” nick said, pointing a finger at you. “i call bullshit because i’ve spent a long, long time reading each of your files and i’ve gotten real good at reading between the lines.”

“i believe that you have codewords of your own, don’t you, miss constantinescu? just like the winter soldier, when they are said you have no control over what happens next until someone snaps you out of it.” nick said, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees.

you leaned towards him and asked in a whisper, “are you expecting a gold star from me?”

nick smiled. “so it is true then.”

“in situations that seem dire, the winter soldier will do what needs to be done.” you said with very little feeling.

“and what is that?” nick asked.

you took a slow, deep breath and met his eyes.

“he will let me off my leash.”

nick sat back in his chair and nodded. “and is this the only instance you know of that there are words used to control you?”

you swallowed hard. “i don’t know. i used to think not but…i don’t know anymore.”

“sometimes,” you bit your lip to try and stop yourself but it all came rushing out. “it’s like there is more missing than just…just the gaps from the black sleep. my memories from before they’ve always been gone, but sometimes….sometimes i’ll wake up and i won’t remember going to sleep. sometimes i don’t know how long i’ve really been out of the ice for.”

“i applaud you for trying but the reason why you can’t appeal to the side me you’re hoping to reach, agent fury, is because she isn’t there.” you said as you looked at him. you shook your head and shrugged your shoulders, “she’s gone and i have a feeling that most of the time, i am too.”

“and the sergeant? it’s the same for him?” nick asked.

you nodded. “worse. they steal things from him. his past. his memory. his ability to feel. they strip him of it all. but with me, i think…i think they have found a way to put me to sleep while im awake.”

“and thats why it frustrates me when people talk about me and him like we’re different. we’re not. as much as i wish we were, we are one big puzzle. if you tried to put all his pieces together, it would be incomplete. it’s the same for me. to see the whole picture, you have to put us together.” you said softly.

nick said nothing for a long, long moment. you watched as he grabbed the recorder off the table and clicked it off. you lost some of the tension in your shoulders and eased back into the bed.

“do you know what the red room is?” nick asked.

“no.” you said. and it was the truth.

“the red room is hydra on meth and they pump out assassins like seahorses. hundreds at a time. they take these young girls and they put them through the worst of the worst— much like hydra has done to you and sergeant barnes.” nick said.

he rubbed his hand over his jaw, “in the red room, they sterilize the girls so that they cannot become mothers. it’s a way to control them. to make sure they never have anything that is more important than their job.”

“what does this have to do with me?” you asked.

“when you were in surgery,” he stopped himself. he cleared his throat and sat up straighter. “we confirmed the reason behind nikta patrova’s fear. you have a uterus and — from what we know about assassins like you and the girls who come from the red room — it is by no means unintentional that you have it.”

your brows drew tight together. “what are you saying?”

“do you get your period, miss constantinescu?” nick asked.

“sometimes,” you nodded. “but why does it matter?”

“the first piece of intel shield got from nikta of you two weren’t your laundry lists of assassinations or records of your personal projects as the winter soldier and weapon-v. shield received a project folder called winter solstice.”

“winter solstice is hydra’s next step to creating its next generation of weapons like you and sergeant barnes.” nick said. he frowned at you and you didn’t know why.

“so what? they’ll be making more soldiers like him? monsters like me?” you asked.

“not exactly.” nick said, his face twitching with unease. “nikta patrova has done a lot of bad things— most of them to you — but even for the worst kinds of men, somethings are just too much.”

“hydra wouldn’t be making the next generation of weapons themselves.” nick said,

“you and sergeant barnes would be.”

your heart stopped— time had stopped.

you closed your eyes and shook your head. over and over again, you shook your head.

instinctively, you placed a hand over your belly.

“that…that wouldn’t be…” you couldn’t find the words. “that’s not…”

“ethical?” nick listed words off for you. “possible? legal? true?”

you looked at him.

he frowned at you, “shield believes that based off the information nikta gave us that projects winter and vampire were merged in the hope that you two would make…little winters and vampires.”

“that is why you have a choice here, isla.” nick said as he stood up. he crouched down beside your bed and folded his hands beside yours. “it took a us a long, long, long time to find you both and it’s a good thing we did, even if we only got one of you away in the end. we won’t let you go back. we can’t. it’s not safe. most of all, it’s not right.”

“how long?”

“what?” nick asked.

you swallowed hard and asked, “how long has shield known about project winter solstice?”

“project winter solstice was put into motion twenty five years ago and nikta patrova sent it to shield almost immediately after it was drafted and accepted.” nick said.

you pressed your lips together in a thin line. tears stung your eyes and you did your best to blink them away. you opened your mouth to speak but you couldn’t say the right words.

“do…do he and i…” you couldn’t finish as your lips began to tremble. you covered you mouth with the tips of your fingers and stifled a sob. “do we have…”

“as of right now,” nick said as gently as he could, “there are three known children to have come from project winter solstice that belong to you and sergeant barnes.”

you closed your eyes and fought to stomach the idea. you couldn’t picture it. you couldn’t imagine it in the slightest. you touched your stomach and winced as the wound reminded you it was there.

it couldn’t be true.

but it was as true as isla constantinescu story was.

“i want to see him.” you whispered. you opened your eyes and looked at nicholas fury as tears slipped down your cheeks. “i want to see nikta patrova and i want the truth from him.”

nick nodded once and stood up with a sigh. “you’re real lucky that you didn’t kill him with that knife, kid.”

hey, guys, i’m sorry. let me get that outta the way. sorry, guys. i told ya this fic was gonna hurt! anyways, hope you enjoyed as always 🖤! also, i hope the pictures added a little something something to the reading experience. i wasn’t too sure how i felt about it at first but it grew on me. lmk your thoughts and pls lmk if you listen to strangers by ethel cain.

expect another update in a day or two unless something pops up for me irl. as always, let me know if you want to join the taglist. thanks so much for reading, guys. you all make me giggle and i look forward to feeding you with each update.

with the most love ever in the world,

crow. next part ->

taglist: @homiesexual-or-homosexual @carbonnite-copy @valckenaux @itsmadamehydra @normanreedus-blog

[piratecaptainscaptainpirates]

Ohhkay, I woke up to the stupidest fucking string of anon hate mail possible (delete and block, I'm not giving them any of my time), but just to make a few things clear:

it is not ""ooc"" to write Ed as trans

Izzy is not "canonically trans" and it is not out of character to depict him repeating transphobic ideas or just, like, saying mean things. I'm sorry he was a little harsh in "This Sudden Burst of Sunlight" but most of his lines in that fic are lifted directly from canon. so.

On ao3, I tag characters if they have a speaking role in the fic. This is, as far as I've ever seen, very standard practice. Ao3 is an archive and adding "Izzy critical" tags is not a reasonable request. In my fics where the whole plot is discussing Izzy's role in Ed's life, my use of the "author is not an Izzy Hands apologist" tag is a courtesy and not a requirement.

you are allowed and encouraged to stop reading a fic if you don't like it. it's not my fault if you don't do that. If you don't like how I write your favorite character, I'm not sure why you looked at other fics. at that point it's on you mate, sorry

If you're here to try and change my mind on any of these things please just block me and move on, fic writing is a fun hobby for me and I'm not interested in whatever this was.

[liketolaugh-writes]

I would also like to note that a lot of these problems are self-reinforcing! Fandom is a recursive beast, and in DPxDC in particular, a lot of people (even writers) are only familiar with these characters through fanfiction! This means that they only know what they’ve been told by others. I’m sure you can see how this would compound certain deficiencies.

I, personally, consume massive amounts of fanfiction (dozens of fics per fandom) before I write for a new fandom. After reading a hundred or so DPxDC fics, these were the characters I still did not have a developed understanding of:

- Cassandra Cain

- Duke Thomas

- Stephanie Brown

Because these characters were often not present or at least not prominent in most fics! That means that I had to do a lot of extra work researching canon (particularly difficult in the DC fandom) to understand and form my image of those characters, something that a lot of fanfiction writers are not interested in doing. (Which is perfectly understandable! Fanfiction is a hobby, after all.) But it means that a lot of new works get written without those characters because… they haven’t read much about those characters. This goes double if they only read one or two dozen fics before they write.

It’s also compounded with some specific difficulties with each character:

- Cassandra Cain is disabled in a way that specifically impairs communication. This can make writing conversation particularly difficult (and this is speaking as someone who went through an entire fandom writing a main character that used sign language exclusively.) It, again, requires research to do well, and changes the rhythm of some conversations. (For example, Cass can’t speak fluently when her hands are occupied or when her partner can’t look at her.)

- Stephanie Brown is a character type that most fandoms struggle to grasp at the best of times. Female characters who are highly emotional and intentionally difficult can be hard to grasp, and they don’t usually get as many fans as female characters that are sweet, hypercompetent, and/or deadly. She has a complex personality that is difficult to simplify without making her completely uninteresting.

- Duke Thomas is new! There isn’t nearly as much lore about him as there is about literally everyone else; he is missing decades of legacy behind him. Enough to work with, certainly, but only if you’re willing to delve into comics lore directly. It probably doesn’t help that his first meeting with Bruce was tied up in one of the more complex and ultimately less meaningful (on the meta level) plot arcs.

As always, I want to emphasize: the best way to remedy this problem is to create the content you want to see. Write it. Put it into the universe. Someone will read it, see the appeal, and write some of their own. Fandom is a recursive beast.

I'm extremely disappointed in us as a fandom. Can someone please explain to me why there are only 50 Dead Silent fics on AO3? The DP x DC fan base is massive and the fact there's so little of that pairing compared to others is painful

[mochinomnoms]

Do you think it's possible for Jade and Floyd to be in a relationship with someone long enough without getting "bored"?

Cuz I like reading Twst x reader fics, but with these two, it's hard to imagine taking a relationship serious enough (especially Floyd) I know I'm probably overthinking this but it's fun to think about.

I'm curious to know your opinion on this.

Yeah! I def think so, I mean they've stuck around Azul for quite a few years, and despite what any of them might say, they do care greatly for each other. I think deep down they do consider each other friends and not just accomplices, but admitting that requires them to be vulnerable, which is a no go for any of them lol.

I mean, consider at least Jade's dream in Book 7! His dream revolves around Floyd and Azul happily going along with his silly whims! Floyd's dream, where he does whatever whenever he wants, has him miserable! I think both of them do value their friendship with Azul quite a bit, it's just hard cause they 'perform' a certain way that makes people on the outside not see it that way.

Part of that though is due to Azul himself not being a 'boring' person to be around, his personality typically meshes well with theirs and vice versa. As such, I think the partner they'd seek out would be similar, someone who would mesh well with them and from the bat isn't 'boring'. Both of the twins are complicated characters in their own right as well, much more that the surface level 'bulter-esque' and 'chaos incarnate' personalities that is attributed to them often, both in-game and fandom wise.

And an additional point, they're still young! Even if you age them up from canon to be college-aged like I do for all of my works, 18-21 is still really young! You're still learning the world and your place in it and your personality goes through a lot of changes as you mature and meet more people. Of course a young man would be focused in on people who don't 'bore' him, he's just going through life! There will be a natural development as the two grow older and met more people, they won't be so focused on being entertained, but rather seek something more lasting in a partner.

And lastly, the nice thing about fanfics is that we can imagine whatever we want! Hehehe, it's nice to just write or read characters in scenarios that we might not typically find them in, so just have fun when reading stuff. I have my own opinions obvi, which reflects in my writing, but just have fun with reading stuff even if it seems a bit out of character!

[myokk]

✨🌚MY HEADCANONS ABOUT THE BLACK FAMILY🌝✨

Being this close to her mother, Eloise was struck by their physical similarities. As a young girl, it had been impossible to see, but now that she was a young woman they were striking. She felt as if she were looking in a mirror, but a twisted mirror: everything that was warm about her appearance was turned cold in her mother: hazel eyes to a frigid silver, unruly brown hair to straight black; her mother's skin was somehow even more pale than Eloise's, as if she were cut from marble. Everything soft about Eloise was made sharp in her mother, and Eloise wondered what had made her this way. She was terrified that in twenty years' time, the two of them would be indistinguishable. Had Elladora Black always been like this? Eloise couldn't imagine any time when her mother might have smiled, or even huffed in quiet laughter. No moments where she had been caught staring at her husband with love and warmth in her eyes. Eloise had only ever known her as an ambitious woman who was always striving towards some goal, even if it was known only to her. Someone couldn't spend their whole life like that, could they?

or: how I imagine Elladora Black's life and how she became the evil, complicated woman that I love so much​🥺​ ft Phineas Nigellus Black, Sirius, Apollonia, pureblood society headcanons I just make up, tragic romance, complicated female characters and SO MUCH MORE🫶

this post is dedicated to the sweet amazing @elliecutte my favorite Elladora lover/sweetest person EVER & the only person I dedicate posts to🤭

This might be kind of disjointed, because I don't have names or anything for the people in her life really. It's just what is kind of in the back of my mind as I write Elladora, but very much going off of vibes more than anything.

What's canon about her is that she's the third child in her family (Sirius and Phineas are her older brothers), and has a younger sister, Iola. (Idk who exactly Apollonia is in relation to their family…maybe a great aunt?) (Iola was burned off the family tree for running away with a muggle, which was always a source of deep shame for the family)

Sirius dies when Elladora is three (he was eight years old). He was the oldest son, and in these types of families, the oldest son inherits EVERYTHING - the land, the house, the heirlooms…basically the whole estate. Subsequent sons would go into some sort of profession (church, army, law etc - my wizarding headcanon is a high position in the Ministry or the Wizengamot or something) and might inherit a smaller estate that's in the family if they're lucky. My guess is that Sirius was prepared from a young age to be the heir, and his death was a freak accident. Maybe he drowned when the family was vacationing by the sea, maybe he caught Dragonpox…

BUT his death was the factor that really drove their mother over the edge and started her own personal journey into the Black Family Madness (because, as we know, there's ALWAYS an inciting incident for the poor cursed women of this family and they will ALWAYS get it) (yes it's a curse, which will be explained LATER​​🤭​). She had been SO proud of giving birth to four healthy, beautiful children, and Sirius was her favorite so it was devastating to lose him. After his death, she grew quite distant from her other children, believing that they were also all going to die and abandon her and she couldn't bear the thought of getting close to and losing another.

Phineas grew insolent and hated the fact that he was going to be the heir - I think his temperament is better suited towards not having the pressure of carrying on the family legacy, anyways. Sirius’s death really affected him as they were quite close (similar to Eloise and Leo’s relationship BEFORE she was banished). His grief manifested in general apathy.

Elladora, on the other hand, CRAVED her mother’s attention and tried doing everything she could to get it. Her magic manifested quite young, and it was apparent to everyone that she had the potential to be quite powerful. No matter how much she tried, however, her mother would just wake up and sit in a fugue state, ignoring everything until the day was over and she would rise and go to bed.

Elladora was raised in the typical fashion of that time: private tutors in magical theory, dancing, how to navigate pureblood society, and learning how to manage a household of her own in the future. She disdained muggle culture and muggleborns, not realizing in her ignorance how much her own society was influenced by muggle customs, and thought of herself as above others in the wizarding world as well due to her family’s status. She always knew it that when she came of age, she would be married to Oberon Babbit and that was that.

The Babbits were an extremely prominent wizarding family; one of the oldest British wizarding families (most had some connections with France, Germany etc but not the Babbits), and known for being quite reclusive and wealthy. Oberon’s mother died in childbirth, and he was quite sought-after due to the fact he would inherit EVERYTHING. The Blacks considered themselves fortunate for being able to secure that connection through Elladora.

When Elladora got to Hogwarts, she was STILL determined to do everything right. She excelled in all of her classes and thought of herself as unstoppable. In the back of her mind, she knew that her duty would be getting married and starting a family after graduation, but she couldn't help but hope for more - probably due to how well she took to her studies; Transfiguration in particular was a favorite subject. She was hot-headed and fiery and opinionated, never letting anyone tell her what to do, and never had a problem telling people when they were wrong. I want to think she was pretty popular amongst the students - not only because she was always impeccably put-together and wearing the highest-quality robes that money could buy, but because there was just something irresistible about her. She drew people to her; she knew how to navigate all of the subtle interactions between the various students and she always came out on top.

Oberon was a few years older than Elladora, but she didn't interact with him much. Maybe it was a bit of self-denial: he didn't seem so interested in her, and she wanted to live a few more years freely before beginning the rest of her dutiful life. She was very carefree - maybe a bit too carefree - and before she knew it, she found herself head-over-heels in love with a Gryffindor (he has no name bc it's not important). Or - and this is what she tells herself in the future - she thought it was love, but it wasn't😤​

He was everything Oberon wasn't, and that's what attracted her in the first place. He wasn't scared to disagree with her, to rile her up, was loud and outgoing and present to his life like nobody else she knew, and he saw her - not just the façade that she put on for everyone else. Even though Elladora knew it was doomed from the start, that it could never last, she couldn't help her feelings and her seventh year at Hogwarts was a whirlwind of emotions. She lived in the moment as only a young girl can do, enjoying those halcyon days...and yet at moments was paralyzed by panic, knowing that it would all be over soon. She soon found herself not even enjoying any time spent with him in secret, living in her present moments as if they were already memories to jealously guard close to her heart for the rest of her life. She had no one to confide in but him - all of the girls she surrounded herself with were just waiting to pounce at the first sign of weakness she showed - and yet to tell him everything was too painful.

So she ended things abruptly, no explanations. Cutting him out completely was the only option she could bear.

(Elladora never did find out that he had saved up a summer's wages, plus his inheritance money, to buy a delicate engagement ring and two tickets to America)

Her first years after graduation were spent in a flurry of balls and courting Oberon and gossip and weekly appearances in the society section of the Daily Prophet. To all outward appearances, she was having a wonderful time, but she felt hollow inside. Before she knew it, that time was over and she was getting married and then she was pregnant with her first child at only twenty-one and she was alone and then she was giving birth alone and then she was holding her tiny son in her arms and crying for some inexplicable reason.

Oberon hadn't come to even see their new son, Leonard - Elladora chose the name and it had meaning only to herself (and one other person, who saw the news a year later, in New York).

Her life was a series of disappointments.

She never could get any indication from her mother that she existed, she never made any true friends, and the only happy moments in her life were relegated to memories she could never bear to take out and examine ever again. Oberon was [redacted] and if she wasn't so strict with anything she would lose everything she had.

It's quite obvious that she and Eloise were doomed to always be at odds - just another disappointment to add to the list. Of course she would give birth to a useless squib daughter and this - along with everything else - spurred on the beginnings of her own version of the madness. Deep, simmering, volatile anger, a desire for everything to be absolutely perfect and to keep up appearances at any cost. Losing control of herself whenever she's lost control of anything, and deeply regretting the outbursts if she ever were to reflect on them, which she doesn't.

Elladora sees too much of herself in her daughter, especially after Eloise is brought back into the family, and that makes her hate Eloise more. (is it really hate though?) Seeing the same mistakes she made so long ago repeated is unbearable, and in her own way, she believes that she's helping Eloise with every decision she makes, such as Eloise’s rushed engagement to Augustus Malfoy.

But, Eloise will never be able to make herself as hardened as Elladora no matter how much she wishes for it and tries.

I love love love Elladora, she's one of my favorite characters to write, and her scenes with Eloise, and with the Headmaster (her brother), have been some of my favorites to write. There are just SO many layers that go into who she is & all of these little things behind-the-scenes that I think make for very interesting interactions.

I know that this is the Sebastian Sallow fandom & I could do a whole entire post just like this for him and how he grew up, for Solomon, even for Ominis (and I wrote a whole oneshot just for Imelda's history🤭​), but Eloise and her mother have become my favorite women to think about and they are who occupy my mind the most🥺​ I am endlessly grateful that people even like my girl so much & that there is one girl who is as crazy about Elladora as I am🥹​🫶​

And, if any of this is interesting to you, my fic is full of these things. SUPER canon-divergent, it’s been described as a mix of Hereditary and Midsommar and just spooky gothic angst vibes, exploring complicated family dynamics (I’ve ALSO been told I wrote the most realistic description of Sebastian’s relationship with Solomon), Arthurian mythology, LOTS of blood rituals and dark magic and sacrifice and who-even-knows-what and romance🫶🫶🫶

Before It Felt Like A Sin (115775 words) by myok

[suzukiblu]

If we are highlighting specific characters (re:the bart asks) I just want to say as far as less-popular characters, I love love love your portrayal of Bernard! Not sure if he's in anything other than think pink, the very most recent update of interdimensional kidnapping (which I was SO overjoyed about), and the timberkon soulmate au of yours. If there's any I've missed, I'd love to know!! I just think his perspective is so silly and fun the way you write him!! His character has the potential to be a very cool non-hero/vigilante perspective that is relatively moldable given that there's not a whole lot canon-wise on him, and I think you have really done a great job at making him a delight to read!

Ty! 💛💛 I find Bernard very enjoyable to write, hah, I try my best to balance him between his OG "weirdest dude in Tim's civilian life" characterization and current "most normal dude in Tim's vigilante life" characterization, YES I fully consider him that despite the pain cult and also his taste in men, lol.

ummmmm lemme see what I've got besides those three, I don't think there's a TON of others but one sec while I double-check my WIP list, haha, OKAY:

Kon is not a virgin (( chrono || non-chrono )) - Kon asks Bernard if it's okay to have sex with Tim for reasons that are definitely not trauma-based whatsoever. Definitely not! [ past rape/sexual assault; will eventually be nsfw ]

weird amnesia Timberkon (( chrono || non-chrono )) - This one I suspect is the one you will most enjoy of the WIPs I am currently linking you, given it's specifically from Bernard's perspective and also leans into the silly/fun/genre-savvy version of his perspective ( and also, like, people seem to like it probably the most of these WIPs ). Though also it contains some Emotional Doom(tm), definitely, hah. Bernard does not know why Superboy is so bad at secret identities and Tim does not know who "Superboy" is. And neither does anyone else. :)

honorable mentions for "so far Tim has just internal-monologued about Bernard but this AU is eventually gonna be some flavor of polyam and also smutty, yes that IS a very specific category, thank you for noticing, it isn't a lot but it IS weird that it's happened twice!":

stray cat strut (( chrono || non-chrono )) - Tim goes to a totally normal charity event for a pet rescue center and everything is totally normal. Especially the pets. All the pets are SO normal. [ eventual nsfw ]

Timkon xeno (( chrono || non-chrono )) - Tim has a fight with Bernard, finds out Kon has a very inconvenient alien breeding cycle to deal with, gets safeworded and cockwarmed, and cannot get his boyfriend to text him back or his best friend to talk to him, not necessarily all in that order. Text-resistant boyfriends may ( eventually ) be closer than they appear. ( also, for clarification purposes because infidelity is a personal dealbreaker for me and I haaaaate to read it, no cheating occurs in this fic: this is a "pre-established hall pass meets Pon Farr" situation, Tim just feels kinda shitty about it due to the timing. ) [ nsfw ]

Also Bernard will likely cameo/get namedropped in a couple of the longfics I'm working on and I do have at least one more WIP that he is def gonna show up and get some dedicated screentime in, but that specific development is both a ways off and a lil' bit spoilery so we're not gonna clarify which one it is just yet, haha. And eventually I might write "Tim gets a(nother) Pocket", as another installment in the "[ CHARACTER ] gets a Pocket" series that I've got.

[madefortherain]

february fic recs ⋆ ༘⁀➷

the end of february means it’s, once again, time to shout about my favourite reads of the month! (same as last month, tagging authors i know the blogs of, but feel free to lmk if you want anything changed/removed) <3

multichapter:

Astronomia Nova by sreka (@smodernlife) - T, 35k. sirius raising harry, meets beautiful librarian remus and subsequently ruins a priceless book (meet-ugly everybody cheer!!). absolutely adored this!!

Be My Baby by pixelated (prettyremus) - M, 21k. dirty dancing au!! enough said just with that, really, but also the way queer themes are woven into the original story is so cool!

The Proctor House by @eyra - M, 5.2k, MCD. i honestly think it’s best to go into this one fairly blind. just let the beautiful writing take you where it wants to, it’s so so worth it. this one has stayed with me since i read it.

you don’t have to be alone (when you’re the place i wanna go) by @quiethauntings - E, 37k. remus reunites with his friends on a trip to the scottish highlands. nostalgia bottled into a fic! a very lovely depiction of loneliness and rekindling friendships. really beautiful!

Of Prefects, Pretence, and Precedent by Whoops_E - M, 121k. shouting this one out again because it’s now complete!!! i’m immediately diving in for a full reread. i go insane for this fic and specifically think about the grape jam chapter approximately 30 times a week.

oneshots:

nightlights by sadgeminimoon - T, 9.2k. single parent remus raising teddy, & sirius who helps out far too well. the pining!! adored this. i, too, would lose it if i came home to find sirius black doing a load of my laundry.

The Best By Far Is You by orphan_account - T, 13k. padfoot and moony are tumblr mutuals, while blind remus hires sirius as a reader for his classes. i believe this one is fairly well-known, but i only just got to it and it’s so so wonderful! there are also 7 more shorter oneshots (ratings vary) following this, all of which i subsequently inhaled. really recommend the entire Tumblr Trash series! (E, 35k total)

Perfect by wanderingdonut - T, 3.7k. ace4ace wolfstar learning to love each other :’) such a wonderful acespec story, i adored this <3

A Cup of Sugar by MsAlexWP (@languagelessonswolfstar) - T, 5.3k. harry pov feat. disabled harry and disabled remus (bonding!!). so sweet, such great disability rep, and adorable little peeks of wolfstar! loooved this!!

WIPs:

Let me Believe (Ever After) by @brigid-faye - M, 6/12, 47k. ever after: a cinderella story (1998) au! sad-eyed prince remus, riches to rags sirius. such great characterisations, relationships, and storytelling. i devoured these chapters so quickly!

Brave Face by @zoemillinwrites - M, 28/?, 252k, MCD. a canon-divergent, sirius-centric fic starting in hogwarts first year. such real and raw characters, being a little in love with your friends, and some of the cleverest, most unique magic explanations i’ve ever read. seriously, can’t emphasise enough how SO insanely cool the magic is!! (also shouting out the accompanying Story Shards WIP (E, 1/?, 4.3k) for some brilliant extra character studies!)

four thousand holes by aeridi0nis (@steelycunt) - E, 2/5, 41k. pride (2014) au. lesbians and gays support the miners; sirius is part of the organisation, remus is the son of a miner. truly so so obsessed with this premise. and the writing!! incredible, incredible prose.

As You Walk On By (Will You Call My Name?) by @imsiriuslyreading - M, 6/15, 23k, jily!!!! royalty au AND university au in one! royal james and eat-the-rich lily, creating such a fun jily dynamic. + a lovely dose of background wolfstar, too :)

[cheesus-doodles]

More thoughts on Izana and Rindou's BFF, how did bestie deal with or find out about the aftermath of the battle against Toman? How did bestie react to Izana dying and Rindou going to jail once again? and how does Rindou feel about being separated from bestie once again? In canon the Tenjiuku members stayed behind and willingly got arrested, but in this scenario I can't imagine Rindou willingly staying behind and knowing he'd be separated from bestie.

why friend why would you make me think about this ;w; first and only time imma write about this because it's digging into memories in an uncomfortable place...

Rindo Tags | Masterlist

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tw: major character death, discussion about death & depression

I actually think that Rindo would willingly stay behind and go to juvenile prison with the rest of the remaining Tenjiku executives after Izana’s death, despite knowing that would mean a separation from you, his BFF.

My reasoning for this is that despite the way Izana has treated his subordinates, I think all the executives hold a lot of respect for the Tenjiku President and look up to him, either as some sort of role model or just in awe of his abilities. So no doubt that Rindo and the other executives would feel a lot of guilt over how they let things get so out of hand with Kisaki’s involvement that it resulted in his death, though I think the person bearing the most guilt would most likely still be Kakucho (after he had recovered), given he already knew how dangerous and poisonous Kisaki had been to Izana's psyche from the start.

Rindo's fraying at the edges at having been dealt so many heavy emotions and events to handle at the same time. Losing Izana was one gut punch, but the realization that he would have to spend even longer away from you - this time without anyone left to protect you on the outside - was another blow Rindo could barely take. The younger Haitani would spend a lot of time stewing over this, the sleepless nights only darkening his eyebags with every passing day, as Ran could barely force Rindo to eat, let alone call you to break the news.

Despite Rindo despising the closeness Izana shared with you, he still respected the tanned boy, and he knew that breaking the news to you would shatter your naive, glowing world, and it would be entirely his fault.

‎

Either way, you would eventually find out about it, one way or another, most likely through seeing Izana’s obituary in the local newspaper. Despite the beef between Mikey and Izana, I think Mikey did really want to reconnect with his long-lost brother, related or not, and the Sanos would treat Izana with the respect that Shinichiro would want him to be treated with. And despite being completely air-headed and naive, seeing who you thought was a good friend staring back at you from the newspaper would be like a punch in the gut. You'll have to reread it again and again, though it still didn't feel real.

Things become even worse when you happen across the article where you find out what really happened, a small blurb about a gang fight that ended with a casualty and a serious injury.

‎ Your world comes crashing down, the whole event leaving you stunned. You couldn't really accept it at first, even a week after the wake and funeral was over. Life went on as normal, you still attended school, ate by yourself, and then went home to struggle through homework, making sure to carve out time to visit Kakucho in hospital and Rindo in juvie. But then it was a regular sunny day after you had just visited Rindo that the sadness and grief began to set in, and you find yourself unable to stop the tears.

Your appetite crashes, and the nightmares became endless, not helped by the fact that Rindo couldn't be with you to scare off the darkness. The paranoia that settled in the base of your gut refused to be shaken, the constant whisper from the back of your head that you would lose Rindo, Ran, Kakucho in the same way.

It haunted your every thought, Izana's pale, lifeless body framed by the coffin, and your nightmares where you would see Rindo's face instead. Every bruise, cut and bandage he showed up with became another gnawing fear. You stopped going to school for a bit, taking a break to try and deal with the grief, to try and heal.

‎

Time does heal some wounds, and you eventually find yourself again, though that innocence lost never comes back. There's always a darkness in those eyes that Rindo couldn't unsee when you visit him, even though your jolly self returns, slowly. You aren't as trusting or open as you used to be, and though you stopped trying to convince Rindo to stop fighting entirely, Rindo notes that you started to track his bruises and injuries, the way your smile becomes more strained and you try to hide your clenched fists when he appears with new injuries.