#and I woke up this morning and one of my old best friends had viewed the profile

[youraverageaemondsimp]

“Be Quiet.” // DILF!Aemond Targaryen x Babysitter(?)!Reader // PART TWO

Here is the long awaited part 2! Though it is shorter than the last one, ik i said I'll publish this after my exams but i got a sudden burst of motivation, also there likely won't be any further parts!

MDNI

WARNINGS: p in v sex, breeding kink, unprotected sex, age gap (9ish years), lactation kink, pregnancy kink(?), tiddy sucking, fingering, fluff, slight angst, giving birth, past trauma experience, + not proof read.

WC: 3.8k

« part one // 🎄 special »

You woke up this morning tired from the activities of last night, you stirred in your sleep which woke aemond up as he unwrapped his hands around you and rubbed his eyes, “Good morning bunny.” he tells you, voice deep and hoarse and you mumble a good morning back before placing a kiss on his face.

It has been a few months since then, becoming officially a part of Aemond's family, though you and Aemond were not married yet, you both acted like a married couple anyway, he called you his wife rather than referring to you as his girlfriend.

You had moved into his house, fetching all the things you needed from your old apartment and shifting to his house, Aenys was more than happy, he constantly referred to you as mama now.

Today was Aemond's day off, which is why he was still in bed with you today, lazing around and basking in your comfort, but to be honest he literally owns everything and can take breaks whenever he wants but he doesn't do that, wanting to remain punctual.

You both get off the bed and go get ready, today you were going to a daycare centre to get Aenys to finally join and mingle with friends around his age, Aemond had rejected this idea when you suggested it, but with enough convincing from your side he agreed, he was still reluctant as hell, bring overprotective of his son.

Aemond had also offered to pay for your tuition since you said you wanted to pursue further education, but you denied it feeling as if it's too much but he insisted, and he eventually got his way in the end, he basically fucked his way to it.

Your classes would start next week, and since you and Aemond would be gone, Aenys would once again be alone in the house, and Aemond didn't want to hire another babysitter, you had also used this point to convince him to put Aenys in a daycare.

You both quickly got ready, throwing on some casuals and went to Aenys' room to wake him up, Aemond went to the kitchen to cook breakfast for the three of you while you got Aenys ready for the day, and as usual, he was on his best behaviour. You placed a small kiss to his nose which made him giggle, before picking him up and going outside his room, towards the kitchen and the dining area, you had noticed how the food had already been set and aemond was bringing in the utensils before he placed them down. You put Aenys down on his chair before pecking Aemond on the lips and you three sat there and ate.

The drive to the daycare was relatively small, only a few minutes. You could tell Aemond was nervous, seeing him tap the car steer repeatedly, a habit you had noticed. Aenys was sitting in the back side as you engaged in a conversation with him.

“I'm swooo excited! I hope it's fun!!!” he yelled enthusiastically and you chuckled, “I'm sure it will be fun, Aenys.” and just like that, you have already reached the daycare centre.

It was big, of course it would be, it's the rich kids version.

You got out of the car first and opened the backdoor to fetch Aenys, and his little cute bag he wore on his back, he was jumping up and down in excitement, and Aemond reluctantly got out of his own car and sighed heavily.

You watched as a few parents came out of their cars as well, basically dropping their kids off, and soon you and Aemond went to do the same.

Aenys was hesitant to let go of your hand first, the teacher had encouraged him to come but he hid behind your leg and covered himself from view due to shyness, you bent down to his level and comforted him, giving him reassurance and to your surprise Aemond also did the same thing, telling him it will be okay, and just then did Aenys let go of your hand and went to the teacher, before she led him inside

This moment made you tear up, watching him go on his own world and then you heard a shaky breath, and looked to your side.

Aemond was trying to contain his emotions, probably scared that something might happen to him, you took your hand in his before rubbing it reassuringly, and he held yours tightly in comfort.

You both stood there for a moment before making your way back to the car.

“What if something happens to him?” Aemond speaks up suddenly, voice laced with concern and you look at him, “Nothing will happen Aemond, I'm sure he'll be fine. You can't just keep him locked away forever.” you reply.

“You're right… it's just-” he sighs heavily.

“I can understand, it must be tough.” you held his hand in yours and he looked at you, and gave you a small smile, before he got inside the car, you went around and got in.

Everything went fine that week, and life began to move, you got into your university of choice and with the major you had chosen in child psychology, classes were going well.

Luckily, you and Aenys' hours matched perfectly, You would drop him off at daycare before going to your university, and then pick him up, Aemond's however were still the same.

But for an odd reason, a few days into your classes you started feeling heavily nauseous, even throwing up sometimes. At first you thought it was due to stress but then you noticed how sensitive your breasts had become, and how your period was late.

You went to pick up Aenys, waiting outside the car while he rushed out of the building with his friends, he was smiling, his baby teeth on full display and it made your heart warm up, his eyes lit up even more when he spotted you, saying goodbye to his friend before he ran over to you and you picked him up, giving him a kiss on the head, “Mama! I want to sit in the front today!!” he said and you reluctantly agreed, not being able to say no to his puppy eyes, you carefully seated him in the front seat before securing the seatbelt and then got into the otherside to drive off.

You usually go home straight after this but you went to the pharmacy and got pregnancy tests, yes tests, multiple cause you really wanted to be sure.

After reaching home, you put Aenys to nap, not before feeding him lunch and then you finally relaxed, knowing he was fast asleep in his room, you immediately took out the pregnancy tests before going to the bathroom to run the tests.

You wait on the bathroom seat, waiting for the tests to load up, legs bouncing in nervousness as you watch the three tests take their time to process and show the results.

Your eyes darted to the first one and you felt your heart leap in your throat, and then the second, and then the third.

Positive. Positive. Positive.

You did not know how to feel, you had mixed feelings about this. You were happy but also not at the same time.

Waiting for Aemond to get home had never felt more agonising.

Time felt like it moved extremely slowly, You were left alone with your nerves, Aenys was napping for longer than usual, or at least it was what it felt like. You scrolled through your phone not knowing if you should text him. You knew he was probably busy, and announcing that you're pregnant didn't seem appropriate, but you couldn't wait until night for his presence.

‘Aemond?

Can you please come home as soon as your work allows you to?’

You text him that.

You honestly expected him to be home a few hours later and not in just half an hour.

He bursted through the front door, slamming it behind him, making you panic thinking you had an intruder but it was just him.

“What happened?” he asks you, voice concerned as he grips your shoulders tightly. You snap out of your shock and hold his arms, before you lead him to the bedroom.

He waits anxiously as he watches you go into the bathroom and bring out one of the tests and show it to him.

He freezes.

Eye darting up at you and the test.

Breathing growing heavy as he processes what you're showing to him, you're taken aback when he yanks you forward and presses his lips tightly against yours, the test drops from your hand and soon, you're pressed up against the near wall as Aemond continues to kiss you, hand trailing up your shirt, pulling your bra down before pawing at your breast.

You hiss into his mouth at the sensitivity and he slowly massages it, thumb tracing over your nipple, rubbing circles as he shoves his tongue inside your mouth when you gasp.

He grinds his hip against yours, and you can feel how hard he is, bulge pressing against you, he pulls away with a wet click, breathing heavily, you can see by the way his eyes shine brightly that he is happy, looking at you with so much adoration, his lips trail down your neck, pressing kisses there and you gasp, hands entangled in his hair.

He pulls back slightly before undoing his pants, still in his suit having arrived from work just a few moments ago, he removes his coat before letting it fall on the ground and then his tie, unbuttoning a few buttons of his shirt. Then he presses against you once again, kissing you so desperately before grabbing you by your thighs and lifting you, you wrap your legs around him to maintain balance.

Just like that he pulls you off the wall and takes you over to the bed, laying you down on it as he hands work to undo your clothes, pulling off your top and bottoms, leaving you only in underwear, but soon that's off too, and now you were fully bare to the the world.

It was arousing, watching him be fully clothed while you had nothing covering you, leaving you feeling slightly vulnerable. He pulls his cock out of its confinement and gives it some pumps.

He spreads your legs apart, revealing your folds to him, burning holes into the sight, and then he enters inside, you moan so loudly at the intrusion, that he has his hand slapping over your mouth once again, “Be quiet, what if he hears?” he hisses softly and you felt an extreme amount of deja vu but you nodded, biting your lip, gripping the sheets below as arch your back.

And just as he was about to start moving, you hear Aenys, knocking on the door.

“Mum!! Are you okay?” you hear his voice and Aemond quickly pulls out, “Fuck, seven hells.” groaning, annoyed by the intrusion and plops down on the bed next to you, and you put on your clothes as fast as you can, before fixing your hair and opening the door.

“Momma! I heard you screaming, are you okay.” he asks, his eyes looking at you with such concern and you smile at him gently, trying to ignore the heat in your face due to embarassment, and nod, Aemond appears behind you and Aenys is surprised to see him.

“Papa's home!” he beams brightly and Aemond picks him up, “Did you not have work papa?” he asks and Aemond answers with a quick no.

“Your mother called me for an emergency. So I rushed over.” He answers and Aenys looks at you concerned.

“What happened mama?” he looks at you, asking you a question, eyebrows raising in concern as his voice becomes less hearable at the end, worried that you were badly hurt.

“Nothing too serious Aenys, it's just that- you know how you told me you always wanted a sibling?” you ask and he nods, “Well, you are getting one, I'm pregnant.” and he squeals in joy.

“Right now?!!!” he asks, which makes you and Aemond chuckle, “Not right now, it will take time.” Aemond tells him and Aenys pouts, “But I can't wait that long!” he sulks and you chuckle.

Aemond didn't know what happened to him the moment you started to swell, the proof of his seed taking as your womb stretched to accommodate the growing foetus, which inevitably caused your tummy to grow, drove him mad.

You looked so pretty with his child in your belly, you were still taking classes, Aemond had requested for them to be conducted online as you cannot travel back and forth, he didn't want to risk your comfort and travelling too much can cause stress for you.

You were 6 months along, and Aenys often talked to your belly, saying things like 'I can't wait for you to come out! I have my toys, hopefully you'll like them!' And then rubbing your stomach. Though he was extremely confused at first, at how a literal human being is growing inside you.

Aemond can never take his hands off your bump, he would rest his head on it gently, press a few kisses and tell the unborn baby how much he loves them, he sometimes dozes off on it, feeling comforted.

He became more physical, well not like he was any less physical, but it was becoming more noticeable and desparate now.

Which led to the moment now.

Him pounding himself deep into you, not hard enough to hurt you but just enough as his hand is placed on your belly gently, caressing the bump before it makes its way up towards your breast, playing with the nipple and pulling on it.

Your hands were held behind your back, face pushed down unto the bed as he took you from behind, watching as your body kept jolting and the moans helplessly leaving your mouth.

“F-fuck Aemond I'm close!” you whimper and he grunts, “Cum for me baby, soak my cock.” he responded and that was enough for you to just reach your peak.

You moaned loudly into the room, and soon after, he came too, spilling himself inside you and pulling out, you quickly turned on your back and laid in exhaustion, hand resting on the bump as you breathed in deeply.

“Did I hurt you?” he asks concerned but you shake your head no, “No, I'm just tired.” you tell him and he places a kiss on your forehead before cleaning both you and himself up.

The pains you felt were unbearable, the contractions being extremely painful as you tried to breath in, just like the nurses had instructed, and you pushed as much as you can, gripping the sheets and Aemond's hand tightly, it hurt for him but he knew you were in more pain than him.

You huffed in exhaustion, not being able to push anymore, eyes drooping off into slumber, sweat covering you, the pain was keeping you awake but making you weak at the same time, and the moment Aemond saw how your grip loosened on his hand, he panicked.

His soul left his body in that moment for a second.

No way.

Please gods no.

Not her.

Not her as well.

His lone eye widened, as his mind raced.

Truth be told, when you were nearing the final month of your pregnancy, he became more paranoid, wondering if you'll suffer the same fate as Alys, and he didn't want that, and yet the scene in front of him was pointing exactly in that direction.

Maybe he was cursed.

Maybe any woman that gives birth to his children is doomed.

A thousand thoughts flowed in and out.

Until he felt your grip tighten again, accompanied by a loud scream as you gave the final push, your ears were ringing and your head spinning, but soon everything was silenced by the sound of a newborn baby crying.

“It's a girl.” they announced.

You let out a shaky breath as you watched in tiredness while the doctors cleaned the baby up and tended to you, before giving the baby to you, you smiled at her, the babe now more calm and cooing.

You noticed her white tuft of hair atop of her head, smiling at the fact that she got her father's looks, and you turned to look at Aemond who seemed to be in daze.

You were alive.

He was happy that the baby was born, but he was more happier that you made it out alive.

“What do you wish to name her?” Your tired voice asks him and he snaps out of his daze, taking in his daughter's features.

Though she is yet to grow to her full features, Aemond already knew that she was already resembling him, her eyes opened to reveal the purple, which was currently resembling almost a dark shade as the baby was just born.

“Daenys.” He answers and you smile.

“Such a pretty name, similar to Aenys.” you comment and he smiles.

It had already been a year since that day, the day Daenys was born, and she was already turning one, Aemond got all emotional, shedding a few tears at the pictures of her first birthday before his attentions snaps to her running around with her brother Aenys, or more like tries to run, it's just her speed waddling considering how she only learnt to walk recently.

You can clearly tell Aemond has a hard time accepting that his kids are growing up.

“Baaaaa Awenys!” She babbles his name in frustration and he giggles before stopping and letting her come to him. Aenys was such a good older brother, he was already protective of his sister, not letting any harm come her way.

“Be careful Daenys.” he watches as you go up to them and sit down with them, probably having finished your online classes. Aemond shifted his office to his house, mostly working from home since he decided he wanted to spend more time with his family, especially his wife.

Yes, wife.

You both got married soon after.

He decided to finally go through with his plan.

And he had never been so happy in his entire life.

You watched as Aenys took his sister in his playroom and started playing with her, sharing his toys, you smiled at the heart warming sight before coming over to sit next to Aemond on the couch.

“Feels like only yesterday I gave birth to her.” you tell him, noticing the pictures he took on her 1st birthday.

He leans his head against your shoulder, breathing your scent in, “Hmm.” he hums, agreeing with you.

“I want one that has your features.” the words slip from his mouth before he can stop them and you look at him, “I mean- both aenys and daenys look like me, or at least, have my features, I want a kid that has yours, your [hair-color] coloured hair.” he lifts his head up and caresses your hair, you give him a smile.

“What are we waiting for then?” you tease and his eye widens before he smirks too.

“I'll call my mother to pick them up.” he says hurriedly, way too excited and quickly dials her number which makes you huff out a laugh.

Getting some alone time with kids around is tough, and getting some action while at it? Nope not happening.

It's not like Aemond blamed the kids for it, but he missed you, he often reminisced about the days in the past where he would fuck you on every surface possible when Aenys was asleep or not around, but now he isn't able to do that anymore, considering you both got busy with kids and work.

And the way motherhood suited you so much only made it worse, he has to constantly not think about wanting to get you pregnant over and over again, he loves it way too much for it to be normal, though he doesn't rob you of your independence.

Aenys and Daenys were so confused when Alicent came to pick them up, she gave you a knowing smirk and you blushed slightly, Aenys refused to go but Alicent somehow convinced him and so they went.

And now you both are alone.

Aemond had your hands tied above your hand and he took his sweet time with your body, kissing every inch that he missed for the past few months, savouring each and every little moment, the way his mouth would latch on to your nipple, leaking your sweet milk into his mouth, and he moans at the taste.

Though you had weaned off Daenys just recently, you still produced some amount of milk for a bit until your body had to adjust and realise that it shouldn't produce milk anymore since you aren't feeding anymore, and with Aemond now suckling it seems it might take a while.

“Fuck it tastes so divine.” he asserts, his hand moving up and down your body, giving the other breast a squeeze, and then he went lower and lower, fingers parting your folds as he dipped them inside, smirking at feeling how wet you were and you squirmed.

He started pumping them inside and out, watching as you gasped, hands struggling in their tied up state, he continued to suckle on your breast before shifting to the other one to do the same.

As you reach your peak on his fingers, he deattaches himself and pulls his fingers out, giving them a long sensual lick, before shoving them into your mouth, and you obey his silent command, sucking on it.

He pulls them out and his hands grap the underside of your thighs and lifts your hips, settling in a position where your legs rested on his shoulder as he entered in one swift motion, morning when he felt the ridge of your wall, he thrusted up into you violently, making you moan out loud and struggle to keep your hands still, nails digging into your own flesh at the pleasure being given to you.

He closed his eyes when he felt you clench around him, trying to stop himself from cumming before you, though it seemed to fail when he heard you let out a moan of his name, he grunted and spilled himself inside you, but continued to move, his hand rubbed circles unto your clit, urging you to reach your orgasm and you do.

“Fuck! Aem!” you throw your head back, as it hits you as a shock, electricity travelling up your body.

And that was the night Aenys' and Daenys' little sibling, a girl, once again, Aelora, was created.

Just like Aemond had hoped, she was born with your features, though she had one purple eye and one of your eye colour.

Aemond was content with his life, and you are finally pursuing your career and maintaining a healthy balance between work and life.

Everything was perfect.

———

GENERAL TAGLIST:

@watercolorskyy @cl-0-vr @chompchompluke @namelesslosers @snowystark @spookyaemond @sweethoneyblossom1 @this-isnt-madness @persephonerinyes @eltherevir @sidni3003 @aleidag1rly @cryingforlife @fan-goddess @hannaeditzs @grungegrrrl @thekinslayersswordhand @aemondsbabygirl

DM TO BE REMOVED!

PART TWO TAGLIST:

@marihoneywk @nightdiamond866 @targaryenmoony @siriusdumblittlepuppy @givemeeverything

[wish-i-knew-what-i-am-doing]

4. Garden

The very first time Lena had mentioned it, it was to tell Kara she couldn’t go with her to the farmer’s market the following Saturday.

"I’m sorry darling, I-I have to tend to my garden". Curiosity picked, Kara ignored the hesitation and the pet name and went directly to the questions burning on her tongue. "You have a garden?", "Since when do you have a garden?", "Why haven’t you mentioned it before?", "I feel like as your best friend, I should have know about that".

Lena chuckled at the now pouting blonde.

"I’ve had it for several years and only a handful of people know about it. And you know the old adage, it’s good to keep some kind of mystery. Secret garden and all that." She winked at the double entendre.

"But don’t worry, maybe I’ll show it to you one day, if you play your cards right", Lena added, eyes sparkling with mirth and cheeks slightly rosier than before.

She then left it at that, not offering any more details.

Over the following days, Kara tried to broach the subject again but Lena didn’t seem too willing to share this part of herself and remained evasive. So Kara decided to drop it for now even if, deep inside, she was dying to know more.

The next time the enigmatic garden was brought up again was entirely by accident. Kara had been thinking about it. A lot. But she was being a good friend to Lena and respected her privacy, so she had buttoned her lips.

Until one morning, a bit distracted, she entered Lena’s office and noticed a simple yet elegant flower arrangement on her desk. "Oh, those are beautiful! Are they from your garden?" She asked before realising she mentioned the forbidden topic.

"Sorry, I didn’t mean -"

Lena chuckled lightly. "It’s okay, Kara", she interrupted the blonde before she could launch herself into a ramble. "And no, those are not from my garden. But I do have roses and daisies in parts of it". She said as she gently touched the petal of one of the flower in question.

Time went by and as busy as they all were, the matter slipped out of Kara’s focus. It was still resurfacing every now and then, in passing, but Kara never got any additional information about it and it didn’t bothered all that much anymore.

More time went by and the pair found themselves growing closer to each other, slowly pushing the boundaries of their friendship.

Until finally, after a lot of flirting (from Lena’s side) and a lot of blushing (from Kara’s side), the blonde finally put her big girl pants on and asked her best friend out on a date.

One date turned into two and soon the two women were exploring the new aspects the romance brought to their relationship.

On the morning after their first night together, Kara woke up fully rested, delightfully sated and entirely happy. A blinding smile spreading across her face.

It must have still been early, as the light was just beginning to shine through her windows. Lena was still asleep beside her, resting on her own belly. Kara raised her head slightly to get a better look at the (very naked) sleeping beauty lying next to her.

She noticed some dark marks on the brunette’s back. Propping herself on her elbow, Kara was then greeted with the view of an almost full back tattoo.

How had she not noticed that the night before? was Kara’s first question. She decided to blame it on eagerness and the sweet taste of Lena’s lips.

She brought up a hand to delicately trace the ink, making Lena stir. Only then did she picked up on the drawings themselves: dozens and dozens of flowers, of various shapes and sizes.

It took her a second, but then it finally clicked.

"The secret garden!", Kara gasped loudly.

That fully roused Lena, who turned around, laughing gleefully.

"I did tell you I would show it to you were you to play your cards right." She said, making Kara blush. "And I guess you have" she continued before raising a hand to bring Kara down in a heated kiss.

[starlightandfairies]

Hiiii I hope you don’t mind me requesting again! I love the one you did for me! It made me incredibly happy.

May I request a Lorenzo St. John x female reader? This time I was thinking of a lot of fluff and hurt/comfort? If that’s okay of course. Again, human reader please. This time reader is very stubborn and always acts tough. She dislikes supernaturals a lot. She’s friends with Elena and her group.

One day reader gets kidnapped and threatened by an enemy vampire if the Salvatore’s. The brothers save her, but once she gets home she starts to panic and cry because she’s had enough and doesn’t know if she can take anymore of the supernatural drama. But Enzo stops by her house to ask for a favor and the reader acts like she’s fine but it’s obvious she’s been crying and he tries to comfort her, despite her not liking him much.

Ahhh sorry this is long again! I just have so many ideas….um ignore this if it’s too much. I hope you have a wonderful full day and night!!

Description: The reader is kidnapped by an old enemy of the Salvatores and as tries to pretend that everything is okay but fails at doing so.

Warnings: she/her pronouns, fluff, swearing

*Requests are open, please send through as many requests as you want, check my character list and requesting rules.*

I honestly got so excited when you requested Enzo! Thank you for requesting again and yay! I'm so happy the other one made you happy. I'm glad! I'm honestly not happy about how this one turned out but I hope you still enjoy it regardless.

Key: Y/N = Your Name, L/N = Last name, POV = Point of view

Word Count: 1,358

First Person's POV

Once I turned 18 I promised I would leave Mystic Falls for good. This town is a goddamn beacon for chaos and danger. I wouldn't even be surprised if a hole to the end of the world opened right in the centre of town. One thing I hated more than maths was the supernatural beings that thought the world revolved around them. Of course, I loved Caroline, Bonnie and Elena. I tolerated Stefan and Damon but the others... the others it depended on who they were and what they've done. I tried my best to stay away from the chaos that the group got themselves into, sometimes it was relatively easy and other times it was damn hard. 

Every day I make a bet with myself about if it's gonna be an easy day or a damn hard day. I made a bet that it'll be a damn hard day. I don't know what gave me that feeling, it was just that uneasy feeling when I woke up this morning and considering that the Salvatores had been kidnapped and beaten the last few days, I just assumed that the streak of unpleasantness would continue. 

Heading towards the town square, I stood, waiting for the girls to show up, putting myself on edge due to the sudden paranoia that someone would be out to get me. 

I don't know how it happened, or when it happened but I woke up, tied up and sitting on a mattress laid across the ground. I refused to cry, I would not let myself be seen as weak and give whatever asshole decided to use me as fish bait. 

"Y/n... Y/n... Y/n..." I stared angrily at the figure, recognising the person as a Traveller, I rolled my eyes and stared at the figure flabbergasted as he slapped me. 

"I need the Salvatores to come here, I see them with you, so here we are," I grunted through the rag, groaning as he pulled it from my mouth and went to speak but was literally hushed by the twit. He put his damn finger on my lips with a tut to silence me. 

"Listen here... I don't care about how you want to run your damn mouth, I don't have the time, all I care about is bringing the Salvatores here and following the plan." 

"And that would be?" 

"Noneya." 

"Oh, how mature," I muttered, hissing in pain as his fist collided with my face, I took another breath and smiled at the man showing that I didn't care and that it didn't faze me at all. I grunted as he shoved the rag back in and proceeded to pace the room. I couldn't help but flinch as the door slammed open and within the blink of an eye the Salvatores easily dealt with the guy and the adrenaline seemed to take away my thought processing and I ended up back home without really realising it. 

I took a shower, got into my pyjamas, plopped down on the couch and that's when it all came out. I could feel my hands begin to shake, a tightness in my chest formed that made it hard to breathe. The tears came cascading down, the whole room seemed to spin and I couldn't stop my sobs from escaping. I do not want to go through that again, I do not want to be kidnapped and hurt. I can't go through that, this is all too much, maybe I should just move away? Get away from the town of death and suffering. 

I couldn't tell you how long I had been crying for, I couldn't even tell you how the panic attack stopped or if it even stopped. I was sitting in a pool of tissues, I had already nearly gone through an entire box, I don't think I've cried this much before, I can't think of a time when the pain has been this bad. 

I jumped hearing a knock on my door, I quickly and roughly rubbed my eyes doing my best to make the tears go away and hope that whoever it was wouldn't need anything from me. I forced a smile to my lips as I opened the door, surprised to see the lovely Enzo there, he was a vampire I liked and I will admit there are times when I prefer him over the Salvatores but also just like most of the supernatural my tolerance normally ran low. 

"Enzo- hi."

"Hello, gorgeous... listen I need a favour-" The vampire cut himself off, he glanced around to the living area and then back at me. I did my best to keep smiling, not wanting to let my guard down. 

"Gorgeous, what's going on?" 

"I'm fine Enzo, listen I've got a busy day tomorrow and as much as I'm sure the favour cannot wait I cannot help you today." I tried closing the door on him, groaning as he easily stopped it and slipped into my home. I bit the inside of my cheek, finding it harder and harder to continue pretending that I was okay. 

"You've been crying..." 

"N-no I haven't. I said I am fine." I tried to make my words more pointed, hoping he'll truly believe that I was 'fine' but Enzo is smart and it was clear that my bullshit lies weren't enough to convince him. 

"Talk to me, please." I wrapped my arms around myself, shaking my head, the tears inevitably coming, I could feel my lips quivering and my body shake as the sobs escaped my lips. I could feel Enzo leading me to the couch, he brushed away the tissues and sat beside me. 

"Y/n... what's going on? What happened." 

"I- one of the travellers took me and used me as bait to draw in the Salvatores... I can't deal with the supernatural any longer... I don't want to go through that again. This- this anxiety, I can't... I won't go through that again. I'm so scared Enzo, I can't keep pretending that I'm fine because everyone looks to me because they think I'm tough but the truth is-" I let out a sob that would prevent me from going on any further without struggling to voice my concerns. I shook my head, angry with myself for blubbering in front of Enzo. 

I felt him wrap an arm around me, he lightly rubbed my shoulder, against all my wishes, I let myself curl against him. At that moment I didn't care about who was comforting me, all I cared about was seeking someone who would offer me the comfort I clearly needed. 

"I can make it easier for you- I can... if you're comfortable, I can compel you... I can make it go away." I considered, that maybe it would make it easier to just disappear... make it easier to get away from all of this. I was about to allow him to do that but then I thought of Bonnie and Caroline and Elena... I couldn't do that to them. 

"N-no, no. Thank you." 

"If you ever change your mind... I know we aren't close, I think you don't like me at all but I'll make it go away. If you ever want." I took a few deep breaths, nodding and appreciating that Enzo would do this for me even after knowing that I wasn't his biggest fan. 

"I don't not not like you but- it's not important right now." 

"You know, you know gorgeous... I still think you are pretty tough, you know it's okay to cry and it's okay be worired." It felt reassuring to know that, I never wanted to let anyone down and I wanted them to know that I am strong and I am tough. That these things won't bother me or effect me.

"Means a lot to me."

[littlebitsmile]

in flames [C.L.] | Chapter III

Welcome back! This took me a bit longer than usual, but it's still Sunday, so I'm glad you decided to join me (: Hope you all had a nice first week of 2024 - only 55 more days until we see our munchkins driving in circles again - hope this makes the wait a bit shorter.

As always, have fun (:

story: in flames driver: Charles Leclerc [C.L.] trope: #haterstolovers summary: Always working three times as hard as everyone else, Emma does not intend to blow her chance of driving among the best of the best in her very first season in Formula 1. Concentrating on first and foremost getting ahead of her brother, she does not even notice that there are some people even in her own team who think she does not deserve this spot and would rather see her fail. And one driver in particular seems to have a need of always reminding her of that.

────ʚ C H A P T E R III ɞ────

Music booms from the headphones in my ear, my feet float over the treadmill, drops of sweat run down the sides of my face. Next to me, all I can hear is Max's heavy breathing and the occasional quiet "f*ck" as another intensive interval approaches. My calves gave up the ghost ten minutes ago and have been cramping ever since, but my pride won't let me stop.

I actually wanted to squeeze in an extra training session this morning before Max woke up and wanted to hang out and do some off-season stuff, but unfortunately, he was already at the coffee machine when I decided to roll out of bed. He then followed me into the fitness room of his apartment without any comment.

He has been kind enough to let me stay with him, Kelly, and Penelope for a few years now so that I can avoid living with our parents and even worse, letting them decide what happens next with my accommodation situation. As the eldest son, he has probably had his experiences and learned his lessons, always being the one to take the blows, and although he always pretends to give me a hard time, I'm sure that deep down he doesn't want me to go through the same hell he did. The fact that I can never come close to his golden boy in our father's eyes anyway is a different story.

I breathe heavily but try to concentrate on the view. Monaco's harbor landscape is one of the most beautiful I have ever experienced. A little too much lifestyle of the rich and famous for my liking, but Max loved it here right from the start, when we first visited a few years ago. Maybe because he can live right next to the racetrack, waking up every morning and sipping his breakfast coffee with his brain already imagining those cars on the streets right in front of him.

"You're quiet," he presses out between his lips at some point. I don't look at him but concentrate on a small yacht that is about to leave the outer jetties. He gets a kick out of seeing me suffer, I’m sure of it. If I don’t let myself get distracted by the pain in my legs, I can do a few more minutes on this torture device.

"I'm dying," I reply, trying not to fall down at the same time. My diaphragm starts to painfully remind me that I'm not my 26-year-old racing brother, who has been doing this for years and years, never losing sight of his goals, exceeding his limits.

He reduces the speed on his treadmill and starts to jog slowly before continuing: "When are you flying to England? For simulator runs and so on?"

I'm still running at the same pace as before. I try to show February 15 with my hands, holding all of my ten fingers up, then five and the peace sign as a two, but I'm not sure if he immediately understands what I mean.

In the time between the end of the season and the first pre-season tests, the world stands still in my head. I enjoy visiting friends for once and not feeling bad when I see photos in our group chats of everyone getting together and me missing. Max, on the other hand, never leaves his zone - his racing set up in his study glows for hours every day. When he's not training, eating, or sleeping, he lives and breathes motorsport, whether it’s on or off track. Maybe that's why he's such an exceptional talent. Or maybe he is just stupid, for not living his life during his prime time and will fall into a pit of self-despair when he’s 40.

"Excited?" he interrupts my thoughts. I can’t remember what we were talking about, and he notices. “For the UK, I mean? Rain and cloudy weather?”

I nod. My lungs are burning, and I don't know who exactly I'm trying to prove something to. I keep running, my thighs are starting to burn like hell. A few of my fingertips go numb, and my head starts to feel dizzy. There are a few black dots here and there, but it isn’t the first time something like this happens and it won’t be the last.

"What number are you going to start with?" Max asks. I shrug my shoulders, not wanting to give too much away about whether I'll keep my number from Formula 2 or change it. Mostly because I haven’t thought about it and I would love to have a number with a deeper meaning.

"You could take 69."

When he says this, I almost stumble on the treadmill. I hold on left and right and hop onto the side edges as the mechanical noise belt continues to run beneath me. Although everything inside me hurts like hell after the last hour and a half of running, I must laugh out loud. Max grins sheepishly at me. Sometimes I am not sure who of us is the older sibling.

"I think that would be more your thing, don't you?" Out of breath, I put my hands on my hips and lean my upper body against the treadmill display. I try to calm my heartbeat, breathing in through my nose and out through my mouth.

"I've already got the 1; that's enough for me..."

“You won’t have it forever, though," I interrupt him before he falls into another monologue of self-congratulation. I wiggle my eyebrows and grin mischievously at him. Then I stick my tongue out at him, and he rolls his eyes before hitting me on the shoulder with his fist.

"The only one I'm afraid of is you,” he admits openly. I look at him in disbelief. Where has this recognition suddenly come from? I almost choke on the sip of water I’m taking. “But you're in the wrong car anyway, so at least I don't have much to fear this season.”

"I don't need your false assumptions, Max. We've never lied to each other." I look into the distance, back to the harbor. I wonder what my life would be like if I wasn't the person I am.

"I'm not lying, I promise. I'm more afraid that this team will take you down with them."

"Aston Martin won't drag me into the abyss. They're giving me a fair chance."

"You would have had a fair chance with me and Red Bull."

"Fair, Max? Really? As number two? How well did that turn out with the last team partners? Lewis and Nico? Lewis and Valtteri? You and pretty much everyone who came after Sebastian? The only off-track friends who were in the same team and still get on well are Carlos and Lando. I don't want that for us." Now I turn to him. A furrow forms between his eyebrows, and he looks down at the ground. He knows I am right, and I think that causes him greater pain than what I just said about us not being able to be proper teammates.

"If you don't perform at Aston Martin, if you even get the chance to show what you are capable of in that sh*tbox of a car, then no other team will take you. There is only one chance to be part of this grid, and I just can’t believe you would rather not drive at all than have me as your team partner?" He is frustrated, I can feel it in his voice. So I try to soften my voice and understand him from his point of view.

"Max, I love you; I really do. You're the coolest brother in the world, and I'm not saying that because I get to live in your cool penthouse in the middle of Monaco.” There is a chuckle, and I know he wants to reassure me that he loves to have me here with him. But before he can speak another word, I continue. “But I've been compared to you my whole life and I will continue to be. This hasn’t been easy, for any of us. But for a change, I can decide for myself whether to confront it or if I just leave my phone off and not read the news, because no one in my own team will compare me to you." The conversation has taken on a serious tone, but I know he understands what I mean.

"I get it. I still would have liked you to be the wing woman. Pretty sure we’d be great. With you keeping all those madmen away from me." He winks. Then he looks straight ahead towards the panoramic window. It's quiet between us for a while.

I think back to his first victory with Red Bull. How he threw himself into the arms of his team afterward, so proud and so full of emotion, as if someone was finally accepting him for who he is, no ifs, ands, or buts. He doesn't talk much about his relationship with Christian Horner, but I'm 90% sure that Christian is in many ways the father figure for Max that our father could never be for him. How he has grown with this team and gone from a really misunderstood driver to a three-time world champion. He wouldn't leave Red Bull until they cut him out from inside with a digger and chainsaw and shipped him to the other side of the world. He lives, breathes, and burns for this sport and for the people in his immediate surroundings, a quality that I greatly admire in him and that not everyone is able to appreciate.

"If you could be someone else or do something else, what would it be?" The question catches him off guard. He is confused for a moment, then looks thoughtful and shakes his head.

"I don't think I want to be – can be - anywhere else. This is where I belong."

I believe him. But suddenly I'm not so sure if my answer would be the same.

As the plane lands in London, I grab my backpack, put on my cap, and hide my face a little better. I'm almost certain that some paparazzi is waiting for me in the arrivals hall because I seem to be the only one from the F1 paddock not traveling by a private jet. I wonder why.

I quickly get through security and baggage claim, so it feels like no more than 30 minutes before I step through the airport doors and out into rainy UK weather. To my right, an elderly gentleman with a sign saying "Emma V." walks towards me and takes my luggage. I thank him, get in the car, and then we make our way to the Aston Martin headquarters. I fall asleep unplanned and only wake up when we arrive.

I am overwhelmed by the polished floors, the glass structures of the building, how everything looks as if this is not the headquarters of a Formula 1 team but of Iron Man and the Avengers.

Mike Krack, the team principal, comes to meet me, shakes my hand, and welcomes me to the hallowed halls. I'm then given a tour, starting with the departments I'm least interested in, such as budget and logistics. I know these people are as important as anyone else, but I am a driver, so the technical departments will be my home base.

"But you're certainly not here to look at the view. You want to go to the simulators, right?" Mike states correctly at some point. I nod vigorously. "Then that's our next destination."

And no matter what I was expecting, it wasn’t that. As I step into a room with a screen as big as the panoramic view back at Max’s apartment, I immediately want to leap into the seat in front of it. I wait for a nod of approval from Mike before I hop into it and feel the leather beneath my hands and notice the smell of something new. I shriek. If this is a dream, I never want to wake up. And before someone can stop me, I’m already turning the machine on and getting ready to drive my first laps in the simulator.

────ʚ [Masterlist] [Chapter II] [Chapter IV] ɞ────

[stxrmylxve]

Hello! Can I ask for Bonten!Mikey being reunited after years from being apart from his childhood friend/sweetheart who just have moved back to Japan after leaving with her parents to the US when they were eight?

Sure! i dont really know if this fits the description perfectly since i like a good fight scene, but here ya go! A/N: bonten!mikey x fem!model!reader (no established relationship)

eight years old. that’s when you left him.

Mikey was just a child, yet he knew all too well about people leaving. That if they ever left without a proper goodbye, they were never coming back.

”Mikey.. I’m leaving Japan. Pa got a job in the states and well… I have to go.” you explained as you kicked rocks below the swing, slowly swaying as mikey came to a stop on his swing.

“You’re..leaving? When will you be back?” he asks, knowing all too well the look in your eyes as you looked up, your glassy eyes meeting his.

“I… don’t know.” you mutter quietly as you look away, your bottom lip trembling as the air around you went silent and cold.

Mikey didn’t say anything, he just got up and left, a small scoff slipping past his lips as he turned away.

“Thanks for… nothing, y/n.”

So he grew up. He grew up for 13 more years with thinking you would never be back again. And it hit him harder and harder each morning he woke up.

He changed after you left for good. He became more violent, attacking sanzu all of the time. He formed his own gang, and even though shinichiro had told him to use his family line gang history for good, his gang became the worst on the block.

And when puberty hit, all he did was he moved to a bigger gang and won over the leader with a bullet to his head and became one of the city’s worst criminals there had ever been.

Though, it was nice in a way. No one ever dared to bother him. Women with death wishes flocked around him like gnats. He could have all of the money he wanted with the blink of an eye.

“And arriving today is Miss Y/n, a young and beautiful model from the US, coming back to her home country. How was it, leaving at only eight years old and now being 21 and all grown up?” The reporter asks as he turns to bring you into view.

You let out a small laugh as you brushed your hair with your fingers, a habit you had when you were nervous that only mikey knew about.

“Yeah, it was hard. I left one of my best friends here in Japan, but there was nothing I could do. He probably forgot about me though, which I wouldn’t blame him either.” you replied as a small fake smile tugged at your lips.

“Well we are honored to have you back here in Japan with us.” the reporter finished as it flicked to the news, the only evidence of you being back falling right past Mikey’s fingertips.

”She’s… here?” mikey mutters to himself as he looked at the clock and shot up, pushing aside one of the maids as be grabbed his keys and wallet and ran out the door.

He had no idea where you were, but he was going to find you. He will find you.

Y/N POV:

You sighed to yourself as you stared at the clock, a small frown on your face as a lady patted make-up on your face.

“Would you like something to drink, dear? Or a small snack?”

“No no, I’m find Maranda. Just a bit tired, that’s all.” you say as you smiled at her through the mirror.

“Ahhh I bet. It was a bit of a crazy day for you, I’m sure. Say… thats friend of yours that you mentioned on tv.. why don’t you visit him? Maybe he hasn’t forgotten and-“

“I would love to, but I really can’t. He is a changed man, and I’m sure he is in a relationship. Nothing would come of us meeting anyways.” you brushed it off with a scowl as she looked at you, stunned.

“My apologies. We left on a bad note, that’s all.” you excused yourself as her face softened.

“People learn to forgive, y/n. Perhaps you should give it a chance.” she says as she pats your shoulders, the smile fading from her lips as she turned to the cameraman.

“She’s ready, send her out.”

Mikey bursted into the studio, startling the front desk lady. Her eyes went wide as she left out an audible gasp, reaching down for the panic button as mikey places a finger to his lips.

“Calm down, I won’t hurt you. Is y/n here by any chance?” he asks as the lady hesitantly shakes her head yes.

“Where?” he asks, his tone dipping ever so slightly as she shakes her head no.

“S-she’s in a photo shoot right now, no visitors are a-aloud back-“

“I bet I can get back there, can’t I?” he asks, gritting his teeth ever so slightly as he pushes through the grand doors, revealing a large room with different stations and stages all around.

Though most were empty, one in particular had people gathered all around it. He pushed his way through the small crowd, coming face to face with your figure as you went through different poses.

Yet… when your eyes locked onto his, nothing changed in them. They didn’t light up as they did when you were little. His eyebrows furrowed as you finished up, a small sigh falling past your lips.

Mikey glanced out of the side of his eye, catching a glimpse of a long barrel on a gun. His eyes widened as the gun moved towards your figured, lining up and going in for the kill

“Y/N MOVE!” mikey yelled as he pushed you out of the way, the bullet missing and exploding the building.

You fell back into his chest, gasping for air as smoke filled the air around you. Mikey coughed as he got up, tugging you to your feet and running through the ruins. He pushed you into his car and hopped into the driver’s seat, slamming the accelerator to the floor as he sped off.

“See? I didn’t forget about ya’” mikey says awkwardly as he wipes dirt off of the side of his pale face, his white hair evolving into a light gray.

“Sure as hell not. I almost just got killed.” you shot back as you looked at him with a frown.

“But I saved you, didn’t I? It’s not like I caused that.” he deadpanned as he turned onto a road.

“Fine. Whatever.” you reply with a small smile.

“Glad to have you back.”

@shelly-ya

[babymetaldoll]

Baby, I'm yours - Chapter twelve: "Until the rivers all run dry"

Summary: It's the big day! Ready for your wedding with Spencer Reid? 

Warnings: Ok, seriously, this is the fluffiest thing I've ever written. You've been warned. Smut. Also, is it just me or JJ wasn't talking in plural during his conversation with Spencer? 

Word count: 8.8K

A/N: Thank you so much for sharing this journey with me! I hope you enjoyed it! Thank you for all the comments and feedback. I hope to see you around for the third and final part of this saga in a few months 

Series Masterlist | General Masterlist | Prequel Masterlist

Previous chapter ||

(Y/N)'s point of view

Finally, it was the day. I was ready and a few minutes away from marrying Spencer Walter Reid. I loved saying his entire name, and I was very excited to know that was about to become my last name as well. If you ask me, I never imagined, not even in my wildest dream, that day was ever going to become real. Yet there I was, in my white dress, locked in a room with my mother and Lu, after the wedding planner had taken everyone else out to start the ceremony, waiting the last couple of minutes to become Mrs. Reid.

The whole day had been a blur. Mom woke me up extra early that morning. Everything was ready and packed, but she insisted we share one last family breakfast. It was nice, I have to admit it, but I missed at least an extra hour of sleep, that I really needed, 'cos I had barely closed my eyes the prior night. I tried my best to sleep, but I was too excited to even close an eye. Spencer and I talked on the phone until late, trying to understand what was going on. We were both pretty shocked at what was about to happen. It felt like a dream. A dream I didn't want to wake from. Never.

- "Are you sure you wanna marry me, chipmunk?"- he had whispered on the line as I rolled in bed, frowning.

- "Why do you ask? Are you having cold feet?"- I questioned back, and I heard him chuckle immediately.

- "Never. I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you way before I even realized I was in love with you."

- "Then why do you ask?"

- "Because..."- Spencer made a long pause and I sat on my bed, knowing exactly what was going through his mind.

- "If you say it's because you think I can have a better guy than you, I'm going to our apartment just to smack you, hon"- I thought he was going to laugh, or at least chuckle, but he didn't.

- "I don't want you to wake up one day and realize you could have done better."

It was heartbreaking to know Spencer wasn't just scared and nervous before the wedding. He actually thought he wasn't enough for me. He just didn't realize how much he deserved every good thing that happened to him, and every ounce of happiness life could give him.

- "You are so lucky I'm gonna marry you, Spencer Walter Reid."- I whispered hearing his breathing at the other side of the line. I could basically see him laying on our bed, staring at the ceiling in his old Caltech shirt.

- "Why?"

- "Because I am making it my life purpose to show you how much you deserve to be happy. And trust me, I am making you so happy you won't even believe it's real"- finally, Spencer chuckled and I smiled at that sound. My heart fluttered and my stomach filled with butterflies. Yes, that still happened. That's how much I love him.

- "I already can't believe how happy you make me, ma cherie."

- "Well, get ready, it's gonna get even better."

And there I was, standing in front of a gigantic mirror, staring at my reflection. I was wearing a wedding dress, holding a bouquet, and making my best not to cry.

- "Hey, are you ok?"- Lu asked as she stood behind me and rested her chin on my shoulder- "You are not overthinking anything, are you?"

- "No,"- I smiled at her and sighed- "I just can't wait to get married. That's all."

- "That's good! That's how you should be feeling."

- "Thank you for your patience all these years, Lu"- I had to say it, 'cos it was true. My friends had been so patient with our whole process, dealing with our feelings and finally facing how we felt. I know it took a long while, and it had been quite frustrating for everybody.

- "It's ok. I'm glad it finally happened and you stopped being afraid of your feelings. If you had kept me waiting for another year, I would had smack you, though."- I laughed and hugged Lu tight just when a knock on the door finished our conversation and dad walked into the room. He looked at me and smiled.

- "Peanut, you look gorgeous."

- "Thank you, dad."

- "Your groom is ready."- and at those words, my heart stopped- "I left him waiting to start walking to the altar. So, are you ready to marry your doctor?"- I nodded and started walking toward him.

- "Wait, (Y/N), watch out with your dress!"- mom argued as I nearly tripped with my own veil- "Jesus, I had never seen anyone so eager to marry before."- Sofia joked as she helped me fix all the extra fabric from my dress.

- "Sorry, I'm just excited."

- "That I can see, peanut."- mom kissed my cheek and walked with Lu to the door - "See you there, Mrs. Reid."

Her words nearly brought tears to my eyes. I simply nodded and watched her walk away with my friend. I locked my arm with my dad's as we started walking outside my room. The photograph was there, as well as the wedding planner, making sure everything was on schedule. But I didn't even hear her. I only had one thought in my mind. In a few more minutes I was going to marry Spencer. Time couldn't pass fast enough.

Spencer's point of view

I gave up trying to fix my tie after the eighth try. I've been standing in front of the mirror, alone in the bathroom, for at least ten minutes, trying to finish getting ready for the ceremony. We are a few minutes away from walking to the altar, and I can't get this tie right. It's exasperating, my ties have always been slightly crooked, and I can deal with that on a regular workday. But not today. Today I want everything to be flawless. This is the most important day of my life and I want to remember it as it deserves to be: perfect.

- "Spencer?"- mom knocked on the door and took me from my thoughts- "Are you ready? The planner says three more minutes."

I opened the bathroom door and saw my mom in her dress, looking as beautiful as ever. Her eyes watered up as she stared at me, holding he hands together against her chin and fighting the tears. Just as I was doing.

- "My boy! You look ravishing!"- she said and wrapped her arms around me in a second. I did the same, holding her close to my body. In the room were also Frank, Mikey, and chief (Y/L/N). They had spent the last few hours with me, helping me with any detail I could think of. From getting me a whisky for the nerves to talking about any random thing just to keep me sane.

- "Mom, can you give me a hand with my tie?"- I whispered, and she tried to fix it for me. But I could tell how nervous she was, 'cos her hands shook for a few seconds.

- "I don't think... I don't... I can't do this, Spencer,"- she whispered, frowning, clearly frustrated.

- "Don't worry, I am not good at it myself."- I held her hands and smiled at her, trying to comfort her. Chief (Y/L/N) walked over and asked me to take a look. He grabbed my tie, pulled and tightened it, and in a few seconds, he left it perfect.

- "I was very bad at this, but my grandfather taught me when I was still in high school. He had this trick to tie the perfect knot every time."

With one big smile, chief (Y/L/N) taught me to tie my tight, taking me back to a moment I never got to share with my own father. There was a big blank space in my life, where all these memories should have been. And it broke my heart for a moment to think how alone my mother and I had been for so long.

- "See? It's simple"- Chief (Y/L/N) smiled at me and tapped on my back as I nodded, staring at my now perfect tie- "And if you need help with anything else around the house, you know you can count on me."

I nearly cried at those words. He didn't know what it meant to me. My heart felt full of love, and for once, I could feel I was part of a family that wasn't just me and my mom. There was a dad, I had a new brother, friends, and people around me who loved me and cared for me. You don't understand, and I don't think I can begging to explain how much that meant to me.

This explains why instead of articulating an answer, I just nodded at him and smiled. Chief (Y/L/N) didn't push for any answer from me, but he opened his arms and wrapped them around me.

- "I know you hate hugs, but you are fucked, kid. You are part of this family now."- I smiled and tapped on his back a few times, returning the hug.

- "It's time"- the wedding planner walked in and ended what felt like the nicest moment I had ever had with my father-in-law. He let me go and tapped my face a few times.

- "I'll put an eye on your wife, and take her to the altar, ok kid?"

- "Thank you, sir."

I held my mother's hand waiting for the sign to walk to the altar. All my groom's men had already made their way in, along with aunt Ethel, (Y/N)'s mother, and Phoenix, my new brother. I never imagined I would have a brother, somehow he made it easy. He never judged me or made fun of me. Just teased me, but I guess it came with the job.

- "Let me be honest with you, Spencer"- Phoenix was drunk when he opened his heart at my bachelor party - "I never imagined peanut would ever get married. Don't get me wrong, it's just that... dude, she is weird! She is the biggest nerd I've ever met!"- I chuckled at his words, thinking I was even a bigger nerd than she was.

- "But I know you love her, and you'd do anything for her. I'm glad she found you."- Phoenix laughed and offered to shake my hand, but I opened my arms and wrapped them around him, feeling how he tapped my back a few times.

- "Welcome to the family, doc. Hope you like soccer and football, 'cos we watch a lot of those on the weekends."

It was finally our moment to walk to the altar. I looked at my mother and tried to read her micro-expressions. She was so nervous her hands shook as she held onto me. For a second, it was scary, but then I noticed her smile and the way she was staring at me.

- "You are no longer a kid, Spencer. I've known this for years now. But today, I can not deny I miss holding you in my arms, protecting you from the world."

- "Mom..."- I felt a knot in my throat as she shook her head and sighed.

- "You better give me grandchildren soon, 'cos I wanna spoil them rotten while I'm healthy."- I chuckle at her words, picturing her surrounded by my babies. The image warmed my heart and filled my eyes with tears. It was gonna happen, I knew it.

- "I promise you, we will give you as many grandchildren as we can."

The walk down the aisle was short. All our friends and family were seated in two rows, making the entire walk a very emotive moment, filled with memories. But sooner than I imagined, I was standing in front of the altar, staring at the door, waiting for my bride. I looked at the bridesmaid and the flower girls walking, but honestly, I paid little attention. I knew (Y/N) had texted me earlier, telling me to wait for her, and promising she would be there, but I still felt anxious and nervous. What if she got cold feet? What if she realized she was about to marry a nerd and decided she deserved better?

- "I don't deserve you, chipmunk"- I told her once, in the privacy of our apartment, baring my heart and soul to her, finally dealing with all my insecurities. And what did she do? She just shook her head slowly and showered me with love.

- "Never say that again, honey bunny. I love you because you are the best man on earth. I am proud of everything you do. I am lucky you are mine and I'll always do whatever it takes to make you happy."

It was my life purpose to make her happy every day for the rest of my life.

There was a silence that lasted less than a second, and suddenly, the band started playing a song we picked on piano, but that at that exact moment, didn't care to me at all, 'cos there she was. My bride. Standing at the other side of the room, holding her father's arm, staring at me with tears in her ayes, and smiling so bright I was sure she could overshadow the very sun.

My breath caught in my throat, and I almost chook. She was gorgeous. She was a princess, an angel, a dream. Everybody stood up and turned to her, as I was unable to move. I just glued my eyes at hers and waited impatiently for her to make her way all the way to the altar so I could touch her, feel her next to me, tell her she was the love of my life, the reason I existed. The only good thing that had ever happened to me.

I felt like a corny asshole at that point, but if there is a moment in life you can be corny, that's at your wedding.

My hands were shaking as I took a few steps and walked to her and her father, my eyes never leaving hers as she continued smiling at me.

- "You look..."- I started, but nearly burst into tears. (Y/N) giggled as she stood in front of me, and her father looked at both of us, with what I think was a proud smile.

- "Ok kids, you take it from here."- Chief (Y/L/N) joked. He held (Y/N)'s hand and placed it on mine, and for a moment, his face was serious, yet still filled with excitement as he turned to me- "I am trusting you the most important person I have, Reid. I know you will take care of her, and give her all the love she deserves."

- "Dad..."- I knew (Y/N) was about to argue she could take care of herself, so I just nodded and caressed her hand on mine with my fingers.

- "I will give everything I have to make her happy"- I managed to say, feeling my voice about to break with emotion. (Y/N) sighed and kissed her father's cheek, as he looked at her in adoration. A look I could not only understand but share with him.

- "I love you, dad."

- "I love you too, peanut."

The second it was just the two of us, I took a deep breath and smiled at my bride. She was glowing, her eyes brightening, and her hand holding my arm tight.

- "Ready?"- I asked her and she nodded, smiling even brighter. We took the last few steps together, and stood at the altar, in front of our friends and family, ready to make a commitment for a lifetime.

If you ask me, I know there is a part of my brain that focused on the whole ceremony. I know the officiant talked a lot, and we sat and listened. But if you want me to be honest, I could only look at (Y/N) and think about how lucky I was, and how we had gotten there after so many years.

- "How old are you?"- those had been her very first word to me, the day she got to the BAU after Hotch introduced her to the team. I still remember how badly I tried to answer, but I couldn't make any sound but an awkward stutter.

- "He's twenty-four"- Elle had to answer for me, making me feel like a complete loser, absolutely embarrassed in the first two minutes after saying hello- "His birthday was a few weeks ago."- and at those news, (Y/N) smiled even bigger and looked at me so excited, I felt my heart skipping a beat.

- "Congratulations! I'm twenty-four too! I'm so happy I'm not the youngest! My brother teased me about it for the last couple of days and got me all freaked out."

I didn't know it back then, but I am pretty sure that was exactly when I fell for her. And since that day, my love for her had only grown.

- "I was told the bride and groom had decided to write their own vows."- the officiant announced as (Y/N) and I stood up and looked into each other's eyes. I was really having a hard time making an effort not to cry, and I could feel my bride fighting the tears inside as she just stared at me, smiling.

Frank moved closer to me and tapped on my shoulder as he handed me the ring. I felt my hand shaking as I took it, and cleared my throat, preparing to say my vows. The officiant moved the mic closer to me and for a moment I was very aware of how everybody around me was about to hear me being cheesy. But I didn't let that discourage me. I quickly realized they had seen me doing that already, so that wasn't anything new.

- "Chipmunk"- I started and already had to make a short pause, 'cos tears nearly started falling down my cheeks. - "I've loved you since the day I met you. There is no doubt of it, trust me, I have an eidetic memory and can read 20 thousand words per minute."- I watched her chuckle at my words as I held both her hands, staring at her in devotion.

- "In the words of one of my favorite authors, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle: You are my heart, my life, my one and only thought."- I made another pause and took a deep breath as I focused on her smile. - "I love you, and I will always do. You are the light of my life, the air in my lungs, and the reason I try to be a better man every day. Who I am today is in a big part who you made me, and that's why I know how much I want to grow old by your side."

I slide the ring onto her finger and kissed it, feeling a few tears falling from my eyes as I stare at her. (Y/N) bit her lips and just smiled in silence for a few seconds as Frank moved closer to her and handed her the ring.

- "Spencer, I had never been much cheesy or romantic until we started dating, something that most of our friends and family thought might never happen 'cos it took us a little to face our feelings."- she joked and the entire room laughed at her words.

- "But since we've been together, everything cheesy made sense. All the lovey-dovey things I always made fun of, are now everything I wanna do with you. I wanna cuddle and kiss you, and sleep feeling your arms around me."- (Y/N) made a pause and smiled at me - "And 'cause I am also a nerd, I also brought one of my favorite author quotes, which I feel explains just how much I love you."

I chuckled at her words and watched her wipe a few tears as she stared at me and smiled one more time.

- "He's more myself than I am. Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same."- I recognized Emily Brontë's quote as (Y/N) recited it.- "I never imagined I'd feel that way with someone until I met you. I love you, Spencer, and I just wanna make you happy until my last day on earth."

I don't know how I managed not to burst into tears as (Y/N) said those words and slid the ringer down my finger. She held my hand and kissed it, then she stared at the ring in my hand with a soft chuckle.

- "Having pledged your love and promise to one another today in front of all of your friends and family and by the power vested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may now kiss the bride."

I chuckled as soon as I heard those words. My bride. My wife. I cupped her face with both hands and kissed her lips sweetly, feeling her melting at my touch.

- "Congratulations! Friends and family, it is my honor to introduce to you: Mr. and Mrs. Reid!"

(Y/N) giggled against my lips and looked at me, moving from my embrace.

- "Hello, Mr. Reid."- she whispered as her eyes were still glued to mine. I smiled and kissed her one more time, as our friend started clapping.

- "Hello, Mrs. Reid."- I replied and held her hand- "Ready?"

(Y/N)'s point of view

I was married to Spencer Walter Reid. It wasn't a drill, not a dream, not even a crazy hallucination. The man holding my hand was my husband in front of the law and god. After we walked out of the ceremony and had a bunch of pictures taken around the venue, some of them alone, some with our families, we finally had a minute for ourselves. I grabbed his hands and walked him back to my room for a little moment alone before the celebration started.

Spencer closed the door behind his back and turned to me with the biggest smile I'd ever seen on his face in all the years I had known him.

- "Mrs. Reid."

- "Mr. Reid"- I replied and walked to him, wrapping my arms around his neck and holding him tight against my body as I kissed him.

- "I can't believe we actually did it"- he whispered and bit my lower lip as he continued kissing me, making me moan softly as he did- "You are mine, ma cherie."

- "Yours"- I repeated, and felt his tongue playing between my lips- "Please, husband."- I started begging before he actually even touched me.

- "What does my lovely wife needs?"

- "You."- I mumbled and kissed him with a passion and love that made him tumble for a second.

- "My wife."- he whispered and held me in place just by wrapping his arms around my waist. But his hands didn't stay in place for much longer, they started roaming my back as we continued kissing, and quickly, they reached my breast, on top of the fabric.

- "Love the dress."- he murmured- "But it's getting on the way."

- "Rip it, I don't care, just fuck me, please."- he groaned in response, raising part of the fabric on my dress, trying to find my legs.

But...

- "Guys? Are you there?"- Penelope knocked on the door and we both froze- "Please don't tell me you are already getting jiggy with it! everybody is trying to find you to start the celebration!"

I sighed, but Spencer didn't move. He caressed my legs with his hands and looked at me with darkened eyes filled with lust as soon as he felt my garter.

- "I don't think I'll be able to hold it until tonight."- he whispered and I giggled.

- "You might have to. I don't think a quicky would be a proper first fuck after saying I do. I'm gonna need all your love and dedication."

- "Are you the same woman asking me to rip her wedding dress off her body a minute ago?"- my husband teased and I bit my tongue as I smiled at him and slowly started fixing our outfits.

- "I am the same woman, and you can rip this off if you want, but tonight, in our room."

- "Guys?"- Pen knocked on the door one more time and Spencer sighed, resigned, as he replied loudly.

- "In a minute, Garcia!"- I placed a hand on his pants, feeling how hard he was under his clothes. He groaned at my touch, but I simply shook my head and sighed.

- "Just a few more hours. We waited over a week."

- "You better be ready, ma cherie, 'cos I don't think I'll be gentle."- I chuckled and nodded.

- "I'm counting on it, husband."

Fact: I have never been a fan of being the center of attention. And I just remembered it as soon as I walked down the aisle during the ceremony. The second time I realized it was the moment we walked into the hall for the reception. The biggest difference was that on that occasion, my husband was holding my hand and helping me stay calm. Though, if you ask him, he would say he was the one freaking out.

- "Ladies and gentlemen, Mrs. and Mr. Reid"- I held his hand as the doors opened and all our friends and family started clapping as we walked in.

- "If I know all the people in this room, why am I so nervous?"- I asked my husband as we waved.

- "Social anxiety likely arises from a complex interaction of biological and environmental factors"- he said as he turned to me with a warm smile- "But right now, I am sure your anxiety is based on the fact we just got married and there are a lot of emotions running down your brain."

- "That and your family and my family are in the same room with our friends. A lot can go wrong."- I replied the second my mother and father appeared by my side, wrapping their arms around me at the same time, in the most awkward and crowded hug ever.

- "Congratulations, baby"- mom held me especially tighter and kissed my cheek.

- "I can't breath!"- I argued as I tried to move from her embrace. But just when I thought she was gonna let me go, she added Spencer in the mix, wrapping her arm around him too and pressing him against me.

- "Welcome to the family, son!"- dad looked at my husband and smiled- "I told you, you are fucked, we hug a lot."- and Spencer just smiled.

Everybody hugged us, and soon we were moved to the center of the room for our first dance.

- "I'm so glad we are only getting married once."- I joked and Spencer nodded.

- "Me too. I really wanna enjoy things, but I feel very awkward everyone is staring at us the whole time."

Spencer held my hand as "Baby, I'm yours" by the Artic Monkeys started. I rested my head against his shoulder when he held me closer to his body, and slowly we started moving around the dance floor. It took us a long time to pick the song for that day, and after going through basically our entire music collection, we found the one song that described exactly how we felt on our wedding day. I was his, and he was mine. That was in my mind the entire time I stood on that dancefloor, swinging slowly.

- "I love you, ma cherie."- Spencer whispered and kissed the top of my head. I moved from his shoulder and stared at him in adoration.

- "I love you too, honey bunny."

- "Thank you for being my wife."- I felt my heart skip a beat at those words. I wasn't sure I would ever get used to being called "wife" by him. He had been my best friend for so many years, and I had denied my feelings for him for so long, that turning into his wife less than six months after we started dating was still unbelievable.

- "Thank you for asking."- I replied and smiled at him, trying to cover the emotional tears that filled my eyes with a funny comment. But he saw through me, and kissed me, his lips lingering against mine so softly and so slowly, I sighed in contentment.

- "Just you and me, forever."- I whispered and rested my forehead against his.

- "And our babies."- he added, blushing. I giggled and nodded.

- "All the babies you want, honey."

During dinner, speechless started. I always felt that was a very awkward part of weddings. And I never imagine how stressful it would be to hear your friends and family talk about you and your husband in front of everybody. Especially when my father stood up, held his glass, and with one evil smirk, turned to me saying.

- "I'm sure my lovely daughter is freaking out right now."- I even closed my eyes for a second, as everybody laughed at his words. Spencer held my hand and kissed it, trying to comfort me.

- "But don't worry, peanut, I am not going to embarrass you today. I hope."- dad looked at me and smiled- "I'm just here to share the story of how I discovered this was meant to happen. I remember the day I met Spencer. The team helped us with a case, and I was very excited 'cos it would be the very first time I'd work with my princess as an FBI agent. I don't know if many of you have had the experience of working with one of your kids, but for me, it was a very nerve-wracking situation."- everybody chuckled again and I smiled at dad, who had already a few tears in his eyes.

- "I've always known she is an incredible professional, and the job she and her team get done at the BAU is spectacular. But when you have to work shoulder by shoulder with the person you changed diapers to... it's hard."

I noticed Rossi and Hotch smiling at those words, and I imagined what would happen if one of our kids with Spencer decided to get into the academy. We still had some time to worry about that, but it still sounded stressful already.

- "I met Spencer that day and it all made so much sense. How my daughter had told me so much about him since she joined the FBI. How close they were, even when my princess kept telling me she didn't want to cross the friendship barrier with anyone on the team, scared they might judge her. And there she was, joined by the hip to her teammate, working on a geographical profile together, talking in what seemed to be their own personal and secret language, and on top of that, getting in trouble with her Unit Chief and almost getting suspended for defending him from one of my men. Do you remember that, peanut?"

Everybody chuckled and I nodded, embarrassed, but moved by the memory. I had totally forgotten that had been the very first-time dad met Spencer. And I suddenly remembered I had been more than rude to that cop for being an asshole with my now husband.

- "If you ask me, that's when I knew what you two had was strong and real. And though it took you a long time to finally deal with your feelings, this was always the outcome I expected from you two. Spencer, I told you, you are my son and I welcome you to this family with arms wide open. I know you make my princess very happy... just remember we all have concealed carry permits in the family, just in case you fuck up."- everybody laughed at the threat (one I knew dad would do, without a doubt) and then he raised his glass.

- "To (Y/N) and Spencer!"

Hotch stood up next and looked at us with a wide smile on his face. I thought for a moment Spencer would be sad to know Gideon didn't reply to our invitation, but after all, he had been gone for so long, he never wrote or tried to contact Spencer ever again. Maybe that was the way it was supposed to happen. Hotch was the closest father figure Spencer had, and they both knew it too.

- "When I first met Spencer, he only had two Ph.D. and he was ready to join the BAU."- Hotch started, and looked at my husband.- "At first, I wanted to add him to the team because of his brains, but sooner than later I knew there was something about him that brought a completely different approach to cases, and to the family we created along the way. But it wasn't until (Y/N) joined us that we all got to see a completely different side of Spencer. A side he would only show for her. Like Chief (Y/L/N) pointed out, it took them a long time to face their feelings, and we were all witnesses of their struggle, but of one thing I am sure, this is the outcome we were all waiting for.".

Aaron's words were heartwarming and brought tears to my and Spencer's eyes. My husband held my hand tighter as I knew made his best effort not to cry.

- "I am incredibly proud and happy of the man you've become, Spencer"- Hotch added- "And I am sure you two will be incredibly happy, and have the loving family you deserve, together. To Spencer and (Y/N)"- our Unit chief raised his glass and everybody cheered.

I know I hated toasts and weddings in general, but at that point, our wedding was the best I had ever been to. There is something so special about feeling everybody's love and care that made us both emotional and excited at the same time.

Spencer's point of view

It was already after midnight, and most of our guesses were on the dance floor, enjoying their time. Probably after way too many drinks, according to the dance moves they were performing. If you ask me, I had my share of drinks as well, which explained why I was dancing so freely, along with my wife. She was glowing and smiling the entire time. I couldn't take my eyes off her.

Until her brother grabbed her hand and started spinning her around.

- "Care if I take her from you for a song?"- he asked and I couldn't say no. I kissed her hand and watched her blushing as she walked to her brother. I turned around and headed to the bar to have a glass of water. There I found JJ, grabbing a drink for her and Will.

- "Hey! How are you doing? Enjoying your time?"- I asked her right away as I grabbed a bottle of water from the counter.

- "Yeah! It's a great party, Spence!"- she replied smiling- "And congratulations again for the whole wedding, I've been meaning to talk to you and..."- JJ didn't seem to find the right words to express what she was thinking, but she had already had probably a few extra drinks, so I just smiled and nodded.

- "Thank you. It means a lot to us that we can share this day with all of you. I know, like everybody has pointed out throughout the day, it took us a very long time to get together. And I remember once you called me to tell me how I had ruined our one date by not telling you how I felt, and that I couldn't waste my chances with (Y/N). That was a very special wake-up call for me."

I wrapped an arm around JJ and held her closer to me. For a moment, she didn't move, maybe shocked by my actions. But after a few seconds, she wrapped both her arms around me and hugged me tight.

- "You really mean a lot to me, Spence."- she whispered- "I know you were angry at me due to the whole lie I had to tell you about Emily. But I hope you know how much I love you and treasure your friendship."

- "We know"- I replied, on behalf of me and my wife, moving from JJ, though for a second her hands remained on my arms as we stood in front of each other- "We are both still sorry for how bad things got when Emily came back. But we are glad we left that behind us now."

JJ nodded and smiled at me. Her eyes were brightening, clearly filled with tears. It had been a night of many emotions, and I had shared my own couple of tears during the whole event.

- "Hey, there you are!"- Will showed up and smiled at us- "I thought you had forgotten about those drinks"

- "No!"- JJ chuckled and pointed at the glasses on the bar- "They are ready, I was just talking with the groom for a moment."

- "Congratulations again, Spence"- Will tapped on my shoulder smiling- "We are so excited and happy for you. You deserve all the happiness and love (Y/N) can possibly give you, which I know is a lot. Let's hope now JJ will want to marry me."

I chuckled at his words, not reading much between the lines. I knew Will wanted to tie the knot and JJ didn't think it was necessary. I always guessed she had commitment issues, considering how hard it had been for her to deal with everything at the beginning of their relationship.

- "Husband!"- (Y/N)'s voice made me turn and look for her on the dancefloor- "Help!"- she yelled, laughing, as Mikey and Frank surrounded her, in what seemed to be a very awkward and funny dance.

- "Excuse me, the wife needs me."- I said to my friends and basically ran towards (Y/N)- "Come here, ma cherie."- I wrapped my arms around her and started dancing with her, moving slowly, thought the song was very hype.

- "Hey! Are you gonna try to steal her from us now that you are married?"- Frank looked at me, raising an eyebrow, in a very funny and yet threatening way.

- "I could never do it even if I tried. Which I have never done, by the way."- I replied and shook my head- "You are the most important friends she has and I would never get in the way of you four, including Lu."

- "Well, only one of us will be the godfather of your firstborn, so I suggest you play your cards wisely."- Mikey added playfully, and (Y/N) hit his arm right away.

- "We are not having kids right away, so you better stop pushing us to pick a favorite!"

I smiled as I stared at the three of them, laughing and arguing at the same time, while Lu tried to settle the argument and get them to start dancing again. I couldn't help but think about the first time I ever met them, and how scared I was to even open my mouth in front of them. And now they were the best friends I could have ever imagined having.

- "So, what did you think of Tarah? And be honest."- Lu asked my wife when Frank left to dance with his girlfriend.

- "She is ok. Better than the last three girls he was interested in. This one might actually be an addition to the group."- (Y/N) replied and looked at her friend, as they frowned at her- "Ok, that was too fast, but she might join us from time to time if things go well."

- "That's more like it."- Mikey joked and wrapped an arm around (Y/N)'s shoulders- "I got you a belated wedding present, by the way. I broke up with Halley. You know, my girlfriend, the one you hated."- and in a second, my wife wrapped her arms around him and nearly jumped of excitement.

- "I'm so happy for you!! You deserve so much better!"

- "I know... I hate to admit you were right, but it's your wedding and... anything for the bride. So, you were right all along"

- "Thank you, Mikey. And also, I'm sorry it didn't work with Halley. I mean it. I want you to be happy."- (Y/N) added, looking honest. I knew she was. She loves her friends like brothers and though she hates their dates most of the time until this day, she just wants what's best for them. That was one of the many things I loved about her: how much she gave to the people she loved. Including me, ever since we met.

(Y/N) made me feel good about who I was ever since the first time we talked. She encouraged me to be myself around her, and eventually, around everybody else. She taught me to have friends, good friends, and how to be a part of something. We were part of our little gang, and now we were about to start our own family. She made me a better man, even a better professional. But most of all, she made me feel human when I felt I didn't belong anywhere.

She was the only one who cared when I was struggling to stay sober, and the one who healed my wounds when I got shot in the leg. She even took me to Hawaii after I got anthrax, under the idea that the sea air might be good for my lungs. (Y/N) was who I cared about the most in the team, and in the entire world. I knew I would take a bullet for her at any given time. And considering our job, that was always a possibility.

I was now wearing a ring that meant everything to me. It meant she was my wife, the person who chose to spend the rest of her life with me. It meant I had made the promise to love her, cherish her, and keep her safe. And honestly, that was my plan even before confessing to her how much I love her.

- "Hey, are you ok?"- (Y/N) looked at me and found me lost in thoughts. I just smiled and cupped her face with both hands as we stood in the middle of the dancefloor, staring at each other.

- "I just love you, so much."- and she giggled as her eyes shone. Her lips reached mine and she kissed me softly.

- "I love you more."

- "I swear, I love you even more than you could ever imagine"- I argued, shaking my head, with a silly smile on my face.

- "So this is how we are going to start our marriage, uh? Fighting."- my wife replied, making me laugh.

- "Never, I don't ever wanna argue with you, ma cherie."

- "Are you gonna be pussy whipped, Dr. Spencer Reid?"- (Y/N) teased me, as she wrapped her arms around my neck, and we started to slowly dance to whatever song that was playing at the moment.

- "I thought it was implied. I have been your slave ever since we first met. And I plan to be your slave until my last day on earth."

- "That sounds dangerously close to Gomez Addam, Spencer Reid."- she replied, blushing as she kept smiling at me.

- "That was the plan, ma cherie."- I answered and leaned in, kissing her neck. We just continued swinging on the dancefloor, at our wedding, surrounded by all our friends and family.

- "I might start speaking french then, mon sauvage."- my wife answered, whispering the words in my ear, and leaving a wet kiss on my neck. I had to bite my lip not to groan.

- "Just like Gomez, I can't control myself when you speak french, cara mia."

- "Ok, let's go. Now!"- my wife held my hand and started dragging me out of the dancefloor. I laughed, enjoying how transparent she was being- "We don't have to say goodbye or anything, let's just..."- but her words were interrupted when her mom stood in front of us.

- "Where are you guys going? The party is just starting!"

- "To our room."- (Y/N) didn't even flinch to reply, she just looked her mother in the eyes and smiled- "You said you wanted grandchildren."- Sofia stared at her daughter, shocked for a moment, but soon started laughing.

- "I'm guessing you won't be coming back"- Sofia asked and hugged (Y/N).

- "Say goodbye to the rest of the family for us."- my wife asked and smiled. Sofia turned to me and wrapped her arms around me as well. It was awkward yet funny and heartwarming.

- "Have fun kids!"

- "Shut up, mom!!"

We nearly didn't make it to our room. In our defense, it was on the other side of the building, and we had to walk and take the stairs. We had time to make out the entire way. In the hall, dark corners, you name it. By the time we got to our room, foreplay wasn't even on the table. I was ready to rip the dress off my wife's body. And that's what I in fact did.

At first, I honestly tried to be gentle, but all that fabric was clearly trying to make my night more challenging. There were so many buttons and clasps, I couldn't deal with them. My hands started shaking with anxiety and desperation. And my wife, of course, started teasing me.

- "What is it, doctor Reid?"- she knew just how much I loved when she called me that- "You can't get your wife naked?"- and that was it. The sound of the fabric in the back of the dress ripping was all we heard for a second. My hands quickly peeled it from her body, and (Y/N) bit her lower lip, suppressing a moan.

- "That was the hottest thing you've ever done."- she whispered and I smirked, holding her face and kissing her fiercely.

- "And that was just the start of it, ma cherie."

It had been eleven days since we had sex. Eleven days, four hours, and over thirty minutes. Not that I kept count. And maybe that was why that night something deeper than simple desire drove my actions. There was something primitive about it: hunger. I couldn't stop myself. I needed to have her, taste her, kiss every inch of her body. I wanted everything.

- "Mine"- I whispered against her skin every few inches, as I devoured her with kisses and bites. Her moans were the sweetest sound I had ever heard, and I was determined to keep her making them for the rest of the night.

- "You are mine too."- (Y/N) whispered and tangled her fingers in my hair, as she laid on our bed underneath my body.

- "I am yours, ma cherie."- I assured her and locked my eyes on hers for a moment. She was blushing, smiling, and giggling in bliss. That was how I wanted her to be for the rest of our lives.

She managed to take off all my clothes, and I made my best not to rip the lingerie from her body. She was wearing the loveliest white set I could have ever imagined and I made sure to engrave it in my eidetic memory as one of the most precious memories of my life.

- "I love you so much"- I whispered against her skin as I laid her on the bed. She wrapped her arms around my neck and kissed me sweetly for a moment, in contrast to all the passionate kisses and touches we had shared since leaving the party.

- "I love you more, honey."- she murmured and smiled- "And I am really yours."

- "All mine"- I whispered and slipped into her as I did, with a soft and slow movement- "Shit, I missed you."

- "Me too, so much."- she murmured as she closed her eyes and our lips moved together. I kept my eyes open, staring at her, coming undone underneath me. I panted and tried my best to stay focused. I didn't want to come right away, and at that moment, it just felt too good.

- "Feels so good, hubby"- I heard her whispering as she smiled at me. I groaned and kissed her neck, increasing the pace of my thrusts in her, feeling her walls clenching heavenly around me.

- "I love you"- that was all I could say and think of at the moment. My hands traveled around her entire body, like a blind man reading a book. I wanted to memorize everything about that night. Her whimpers, her eyes, her smell, how warm and wet she felt around me. Every detail.

She smiled and cupped my cheeks with her hands, soft whines left her lips as I kept increasing the pace of my thrusts. She opened her mouth to speak, but no word left her lips, just soft moans.

- "I got you, ma cherie"- I whispered and kissed the tip of her nose- "Forever."- I held one of her breasts in my hand, toying with her hardened nipple between my fingers carefully. My mouth watering to wrap my lips around it, but at that minute, I couldn't move. I didn't want to stop staring into her eyes as she came underneath me. Her moans turned into soft yells as she reached her climax, carrying me with her in a matter of seconds. I spilled inside of her and stayed still after a few more thrusts, still staring at her, kissing the top of her nose and lips as she smiled at sighed.

- "Round one, done. What about round two after a nice shower?"- she asked and I smiled, caressing her cheek with my nose and leaving soft kisses on every inch of her skin that was available for me.

- "How about round two in the shower?"- I whispered and heard her giggling underneath me. I still didn't pull myself from her, 'cos I needed to feel her as close to me as possible for as long as I could. My wife smiled and nodded. She just stared at me for a few more minutes, kissing me with her arms wrapped tight around me.

- "Honestly, if this is how we are gonna spend our married life, I don't know why we didn't get married sooner."- she whispered and I chuckled.

- "I could spend the rest of my life with you like this, ma cherie."

- "And work?"

- "Fuck work"- she gasped at my answer and I just smiled, taking carefully some bangs of her from her forehead- "I just wanna be with you."

- "Well, you said you wanted kids. And when we have kids, we can't spend our lives naked in bed, we are gonna have to spend time with them."

My heart skip a beat as I heard those words, and I slowly moved from her and laid at her side, still making sure my arms were around her.

- "I can't wait to have babies with you."- I confessed feeling her lips on mine as soon as I finished talking.

- "Me neither. They are gonna be so cute. And so smart. Just like their daddy."- I chuckled and blushed at her words. Though I was naked next to her, that sentence was way more powerful.

- "So... are we gonna have kids soon?"- I dared to ask and my wife giggled.

- "I don't know. Are you ready for round two?"

I stared at her as she smiled at me and got off the bed. I opened my mouth to speak, but this time, I was speechless at the thought of having kids with her soon. It was the end of our single life. It was the start of our marriage. Of our family. And we still had so much to live and share, I just couldn't wait to start living it with her. 

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[ambcass]

ᴛᴇxᴛ ᴍᴇ, ɪ ᴍɪꜱꜱ ʏᴏᴜ ʙᴀʙʏ || ᴊᴀɪᴍᴇ ʀᴇʏᴇꜱ x ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ

a/n: thank you all for your requests! A lot of the fic is in my drafts rn but I can squeeze in a few more. if u see this, feel free to request smth :) THIS IS MY FIRST DARK FIC

MDNI! DEAD DOVES DON'T EAT

tags: Yandere! Jaime, swearing, female reader, helpless reader, kidnapping, angst, fluff if you squint your eyes, obsessive praise (if that makes sense), drugging, needles, fight scenes, knife, blood, PET NAMES USED (babe, baby, good girl, pretty, ect.) NO HAPPY ENDING😊. OUT OF CHARACTER BEHAVIOR

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Jaime loves you so much. He tells you every day how much he can't live without you being in his life. He clings to you like a lost puppy. Following you where ever you're headed. He tries to calm down when you're talking to another guy. Hell, he hates it even more when that guy you're talking to is one of his friends. After your conversation with Bart ended, Jaime walked up to you two and asked you to wait as he pulled Bart aside before coming back. Ever since Bart doesn't speak a word towards you. You obviously knew your boyfriend had something to do with it.

Later that night you guys had an argument. Like all arguments, he says things like “you wouldn’t leave me if you didn’t care.” , “Where’s the old you”, “C’mon my love, don’t act like this.” You always stayed. He said you were the problem and you believed him. You wanted to change, just for him. Not last night though. He sang the same song but you took it from a different approach. You spoke about possessive he’s been acting but he says that “it’s for your own good.”

You stormed out his house with so much frustration flowing through your body. Should of waited until the morning. You walked out his home and into the cold, dark night. Suddenly your phone kept buzzing. You opened it and it’s Jaime begging you to come back. Pleading you to not leave him but you don’t answer.

My Beetle💙: Eres tan dramatica! (You’re so dramatic) You know I just wnat the best for you… please baby text me back❤️

you ignored him. A few minutes later, your phone rings again.

My Beetle💙: I miss you bebe.

ignored again. At this point you were back home, lying on your bed. It got hot, really hot, but you had no AC nor a fan. Best idea you came up was to open your windows, wide. The air ran through your hair like a Disney princess singing a love song. Once more, your phone rings. This time you took a peak at the message.

My Beetle💙: Stop being for difficult for me. Don’t make me get you myself.

You didn’t think much into it. He has never physically hurt you. So you ignored it and went to sleep. What a mistake you made.

You next woke up to beeping and metal softly clashing to each other. Slowly opening your eyes, a head of dark blue and bright, glowing yellow eyes stared at you. You were about to scream for help but this figure covered your mouth and nose with a piece of cloth. You kicked its stomach, rolled out your bed, and ran straight for the door. Before could run out, you turned back around to glance at your bed. He disappeared from your view and nowhere to be seen

I can run now, you thought. You turned back to the door and POW. A punch directly to the face. You fell to the ground. You, knocked up, on the cold bare floor. Your vision was blurry but you felt two fingers pulled your eyelids down to close them. Before you were completely out, you felt yourself being dragged by foot off to somewhere.

Once you woke up and your vision was starting to clear up, it didn’t take you a long time to realize that you were tied up to a chair in an empty room. You tried breaking free but the ropes were too tight. You shouted,

“Help me! Someone please…” Foot steps slowly creeped behind you. That gradually got louder and louder, until they stopped. You felt a presence lean behind you. Then a tip of a knife was then placed right beside your lip.

“Nu uh. Don’t speak sweetheart, unless you want me to carve this pretty little mouth into pieces” This tender, chilling voice could only belong to one person.

“J-jaime!?” Before you knew it, your cheek to slashed. You didn’t scream but you cried. Cried like a little baby with blood oozing out of you and dripping on the floor. Jaime circled around you until you met your gaze. He lifted your chin.

“Let’s take a look at you, shall we?” He pulled out a white paper napkin and started to wipe the dripping blood from your cheek. “Isn’t that much better, mi amor?” Tears were flooding down your eyes. You had so many emotions packed up but you knew you couldn’t show them. The consequences may cost your life.

He whipped out another napkin and wiped your tears for you. “It’s okay pretty, you’re safe with me…” he wrapped your head around his arms and held you close to him.

“Why are you doing this to me?” Jaime lets go. The blood on your cheek stained on to his shirt. He bends down and kisses your wounded cheek.

“Well, my sweet girl didn’t want to listen to me. She didn’t understand how much I wanted to protect her. She insisted on talking to some other guy but me-“ you cut him off before he could finish.

“He’s your best friend! And I’ve known him longer than you did. I don’t know why-“ you tried to prove your point but he slapped you for cutting him off. Left a red handprint on your face.

“You need to learn how to be a good girl for me,” Jaime said in heartless tone. “So the two of us will just spend some quality’s time with each other. For a very long time.” He smirked when he saw you shake your head nonstop. He had the apprehend here. He had full control of you now. He pulled out a needle with some type of drug in it.

“Please Jaime, I’m sorry. I’ll never talk to any guy but you. Don’t do this, I love you.” You pleaded him to stop but he doesn’t. He slowly circled behind you. He brushed his fingertips starting with your head to your arms. He moved your hair aside and kissed your neck softly. You were so focused on this caring side of him, you failed to notice the fact that he was injecting that needle into your immune system. You got tired. Very tired. Your eyesight slowly blurred up as you fluttered eyes more frequently.

“You’ll be good as new when you wake up, I promise” was the last thing you heard from Jaime before it was all black. Last thing your own conscious heard and felt anything.

[chansrighttiddie]

Chapter One

Pairings: Shy!Lee Know x Idol!Reader

Warnings: Mild Language, Explicit Smut (it's going to be a minute), Fluff, Enemies to Lovers type stuff, typical stuff. I'm bad at warnings okay. English is also not my first language, sorry for grammar and spelling errors.

Summary: You are a solo artist meeting SKZ for the first-time during variety show. All the members treat you warmly, but Minho can't stand to be in the room with you. You meet again to collab later on we see where it takes us! This is part of an ongoing story.

Word Count: 1.9k+

You sat in the back of your manager’s car, fighting the urge to drift off and sleep as she drove you to the studio for today’s schedule. A script had been placed on your lap but it was hard to read because you were tired. Who in their right minds schedules recordings so early in the morning? It was expected of this producer, but you only accepted because of the other guests. It was also a great opportunity to promote your new album and make new friends in the industry.

Gyuri is one of the hosts for this week, meaning you would get to work with your mentor and label mate again. The KARA member was the one person you could rely on before your debut in 2017, being from the same company meant you could see her a lot but it wasn’t the same as actually working together.

It felt like every other year you begged your company to let you collaborate with her on something, anything! They always denied it. Didn’t believe in your argument that the two of you were soulmates.

When your manager proposed this project during your comeback activity meeting, you accepted the moment “Park Gyuri” was mentioned. No other hosts or guests mattered to you at that moment. She really was the best thing to happen to you. Anytime you think about the struggles of your debut, tears would reach your eyes. 

You were in a group lineup for your company, DSP Entertainment, but the plans fell through when the other members left the company a month before. With only three members the company decided not to debut a group, this didn’t sit well with your twenty-year-old self. 

All your hard work and efforts would be thrown down the drain, you even had fans! You couldn’t let them down! After fighting with the company for months they decided you could debut, but as a soloist. If the time came around where they would debut another group, you would be considered as a member. You were nervous and heartbroken. 

You wouldn’t make it, couldn’t. That’s when Gyuri had stepped in, she encouraged you. She helped you train, everyday for three months. When you felt like giving up, Gyuri would sit with you in the practice room and just listen. The two of you would cry and hug it out, then get back up and try again. She really is like a soulmate to you.

“Can you please read the script and not sleep, Y/N?” Your manager’s loud voice made you jump in your seat, you didn’t realize you had fallen asleep. “Seriously, how many times have we been over this?”

“Rest when you can.” You said in a sing-song voice, your eyes were still closed. Your manager was only a year older than you, the two of you got along well. Teasing her was your favorite thing to do. “Unni you said that during the last meeting, I’m just following directions.”

You heard your manager cuss under her breath and turn in the driver’s seat. “I meant… Nevermind, we’ll be there in fifteen minutes. At least look at the plan for today’s set. When we get there you have to rush to get your hair and make-up done…” She took a breath of air then continued, “You have to get a soundpack and mic, meet the group promoting their activities as well, practice with them for the chall–”

“Practice for their dance challenge, promote my new album well, and smile the whole time.” You interrupted. “You told me everything over the phone last night, mentioned it when you woke me up, and reminded me when I got in the car.”

You were wide awake now, making eye contact with your manager in the rear-view mirror. She winced at your comment and nodded, “I’m just nervous, this is your first comeback in two years.”

You had taken up acting, two shows. One of them did really well, it even won you the Best New Actress Award, while the other… Well you don't like to talk about that one. 

“I’m nervous too, we can’t show it though. We’re supposed to be cold-hearted.” That’s a lie, being an extrovert didn’t help with your ‘cold-hearted’ appearance. You talked too much, laughed too much, and smiled too much. “Suck it up.”

Your manager snorted, “Yes, we’re cold-hearted and totally a threat to the music world.”

She had a point, you weren’t that big of an artist in the ‘pop’ scene. However, everyone knows you and your sweet personality. After your debut, many programs would prank you to get a reaction but all you could do was smile. Even if they had ruined your favorite skirt with blue ink. 

Although you aren’t the best dancer, or even a good rapper, you could sing! Many younger artists mention your rich and unique vocals when prompted. When it comes to your dancing… You knew all the basics to it, you could memorize the moves but not really execute them the best. Everyone loved you for it, they found it cute. 

Which doesn’t explain why the concept the company chose for this comeback was a little darker and more focused on a goddess that enjoys mischief. 

Your comeback also has choreography, the main title track is more upbeat than any recent songs you’ve released in the past. Your calves ache just thinking about having to dance again today. Usually you’d sing a soft or deep ballad, minimal movements and lots of stage props. This would be new, you hadn’t really trained this hard in a long time. Still, you were excited to show something new.

It was a bit of a surprise to everyone when the concept trailer released, your family members even teased you knowing you didn’t have a mean bone in your body. How could you manage to 

Your manager pulled into the stage parking area and unlocked the gate, a couple of the guards waved enthusiastically towards you. You resisted the urge to roll the window down and greet them. You’re supposed to be cold today, that’s your concept. You sat back in your seat and pursed your lips.

“Son Mi, do you have my cap?” You felt a little uneasy, maybe it was just now hitting that you actually had to be an idol today. Not that being an actress was much easier, it wasn’t.

“You look fine, Y/N. Don’t be nervous.” 

“Oh, I’m okay.” You laughed it off, you actually are really nervous. Hiding under a hat would make you feel a lot better. “I just want to see Gyuri first.”

“Ha.” She put the car into park. “No.”

Your manager opened and slammed the driver door. You sighed and grabbed your bag, exiting the car as well. 

She was by the back unloading the rest of your things, “So if you enter Stage B3, there should be a staff member to show you hair and make up. I’m gonna check in with the director and the producer.”

You leaned down to grab a couple of bags while nodding, “Can you see if there is a cafe nearby? Or if they are providing coffee. I’m still tired.”

Those bags were heavy. “They should have something for you in the dressing room, something for you to snack on too.”

You waddled towards the large metal door with your bags, leaving Son Mi behind. It's a good thing you skipped leg day yesterday or else you would have collapsed before you even made it to the door. You shifted the bags in your arms and reached for the door handle.

You were really surprised when the door opened for you. You couldn’t really see who opened the door but based on the plain black tee they were wearing, you assumed this was the staff member.

“Thank you, do you mind grabbing one of these? Sorry, it’s heavy.” You stood there in the door frame, in silence. The staff member didn’t move and you noticed them shuffle in place. “Oh it’s okay if not, just lead the way.”

Silence again. Were you mistaken? You backed up to look at the big numbers above the door, B3. You moved forward into the door frame again, “Do you mind if I just enter a little more?”

It was pretty cold outside and your thin sweater wasn’t doing much to keep you warm. Your arm started to shake as the weight from your bags started to get heavier and heavier. Dropping the bags on the ground, you followed.

You were now on your knees in the middle of the entrance, bags everywhere, at the feet of a staff member. How embarrassing.

The staff member jumped into action and bent down to help you up, apologizing over and over. You could finally see the staff member and immediately tell he was not a part of the stage crew. 

“I’m so sorry, I couldn’t see very well. I thought you were a member of the crew!” You laughed embarrassed, “Sorry for assuming.” 

He looked a bit younger than you, he seemed a bit intimidating as you looked up from the floor. You dusted your knees off and bowed to apologize. “Gosh, I knew I should’ve waited for Son Mi.” You muttered to yourself. “Are you part of the cast for today’s show?”

He nodded with a bright smile, now reaching down to pick up your bags. You reached down to help as well but the stranger had already hoisted the two large bags on each arm.”I got them, don’t worry.” 

Feeling guilty you reached over and grabbed a bag, “I can carry them, I just lost my grip and dropped everything.” You smiled, in pain. This bag was the heavier of the two. You extended a hand to grab the other bag but the boy turned to walk away.

He gave a small laugh as he walked away, “Follow me.”

You snatched your personal bag from the ground and quickly followed. Managing to walk in step with him. You adjusted the heavy bag with a quiet grunt and gripped your bag, “I’m Y/N, excited to work with you all today.”

“I’m Jeongin.” He stopped abruptly, “This room.” He gently knocked on the door, the little plaque next to it had your name on it. 

He opened the door and set the bag down in the room, turning to you with a bright smile he laughed. “I think the hair stylist will be in soon, your hair is pretty messy.”

You dropped your bags on the floor and self consciously patted your hair down, “Does it look bad?” Jeongin was a little flustered, such a beautiful woman was in front of him asking if she looked bad.

“No!” He blurted, raking through his brain to find the right words. “You look so pretty! I didn’t mean it like that, your hair is cute.”

Feeling surprised by the younger boy’s comment, you started laughing.  He looked mortified, were you laughing at him? Before he could defend himself the stylist walked in and lightly shoved him out of the doorway, “You boys are done in hair and makeup for the day, PD is looking for you.”

Shooting you a soft glare, not that you could tell with all the tears in your eyes, Jeongin quickly retreated to the room. He had to tell his hyungs about this.

[theoriginalladya]

WIP Tuesday(sorta)/Wednesday

I was tagged by @mtreebeardiles. Thank you, my friend! <3

Don't really have much to share for ME at the moment. Between finishing unpacking from the move because my brother will be visiting Thursday with his wife (help!) and more stupid hip issues, I haven't really had the desire or inspiration for them, though the hundreds of Shepards I have are still living large in my head, I promise! HOWEVER, that doesn't mean I don't have anything. In fact, another part of the reason I haven't got much ME related words to share is that I was sort of ambushed by a new original fic idea that's been percolating. Trust me, I tried to hide from it, but one morning I woke up and it just screamed at me, "WRITE ME DAMMIT!" so...I'm sort of stuck in world building hell at the moment, though I do have a few little drabbles that have come to me to help sort out some of the characters.

Basic premise of the fic: steampunk meets dnd meets general fantasy in a big old mashup. I have no title yet - which is a little worrisome for me because those are usually the first thing I have. However, I have the two main characters, an idea of how the plot goes (and goes and goes...it's gonna be several books at this rate).

So, here's a little snippet of the beginning of Chapter 1. (I don't think I've shared this yet?)

Violence had a nasty habit of finding him.  A bullet in his upper arm.  A blade at his neck.  A fist to his jaw.  In the decade since becoming a Watcher, Josse had faced it down, and more, as best he could. This morning, it came in the form of a pillow whacked against his shoulder by Jehanne.  Roused to consciousness in such a manner and left sputtering for breath as the alertness for which the Watchers were trained came instantly, he bit back a roar of annoyance and jumped from his bed immediately launching the offending pillow back at her retreating form.  She took a step to her left to dodge the thing and kept on going as if it were a daily occurrence. “What in all the gods graces was that for?” he barked. Her laughter might seem out of place to most of their brethren, but she had been a Watcher long before he arrived, and her view on life was more unique than most.  Better to laugh at life than let what cannot be changed tear you asunder. As infuriating as she could be at times, her point had validity that he could not ignore. More importantly, it had helped him find tolerance if not acceptance of his situation.  Or so he thought.

[avareiahgt]

A little short, but well, that's how adult life works.

I hope you don't expect a super friendly story, cause it's not this one.

In advance, I'm sorry.

Warnings: strong language

First / Previous / Next

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

ACT I PART II: EXCHANGES

I was so young back there and yet patience already was one of my best virtues. I waited completely sleepless util I heard Hanna coming back home, around 2am. I couldn’t think about anything but talk to her, she’d to promise me she’d be careful and, upon that, would come back home after every mission, no matter what. Otherwise, I wouldn’t ever forgive her.

I left her complete her ritual: washing her face, teeth, change into softer clothes and steal some nuts and dried fruit to keep them in a drawer of her bedroom believing nobody’d know ever. Pity to say mum and I were absolutely aware of every step she took when arriving late. We just never told her.

I stepped into view when I wondered she was done with her stuff, and intercepted her on her way to hold up the fridge.

—Holy shit…— she swore when catched a glimpse of my shady form over her shoulder— Don’t give me a heart attack, I could have beat you up— then ferociously attacked a peanut can.

—I’m so sorry, I just can’t sleep— I defended myself trying to start a conversation.

—Do you have something you want to talk about? — she asked while giving me a curious glance until she let herself collapse on a chair next to the living room table. She was always willing to listen to me with so much interest and making it seem she didn’t care at the same time. I knew it was an act but years and years of she pretending to be annoyed by me, the little brother, helped her to keep that I-don’t-give-a-fuck mask steady and perfect.

—I don’t want you to go away—I whispered, dragging a chair as well and turning it to face hers. I was just about to sit down when she jumped from her seat and hugged me—. Please, Hanna, don’t go, I have bad feelings about this. Something’s… off, something’s wrong…

She deeply looked at me. After some quiet seconds in the dark, she decided to keep hugging me.

—I have to go, it’s the beginning of my future—she said softly—Everything’s gonna be ok, it’s just a surviving test. It’s so similar to a summer camp with the difference you don’t have your friends but some grumpy old men— she explained, petting my hair. I was so close to her height even with she being five years older than me.

—Are you sure you have to go? — my voice started to break and made my best effort to stop the tears that were starting to form on my eyes— This house is gonna be painfully quiet without you.

—That’s truth, you’ve never lived without me…—she reminded. Then, a big smile spread on her face and took my shoulders with her hands.

—You and me. We are always going to be together—a whisper— and we are going to make a promise right here, right now— one of the earrings that she was previously wearing appeared on her hand. In an instant, she took off one of mine and exchanged them. She put mine on herself while I put hers on mine—. Nothing can break the sibling’s love. Not even a giant.

We slept together that night, both on Hanna’s bedroom and I shortly remembered when I was a child, afraid to be alone. She would always have space and time for me.

I slept with tears riding my cheeks. I didn’t know why I was crying, but I was certain that those tears would eventually have a meaning.

I woke up that morning in order to help leading a project whose future was, the less, gray and cloudy. The project head was looking for eliminate an entire old forest and replace it with some apartment buildings. Money was everything to the company, but so often I found myself questioning the morality and legal ways of that kind of actions.

Truth to be told, the forest wasn’t owned, to me that made it even more important to respect it. In addition, those apartment designs were… no comments.

Although I was a trainee, some companies had fought for me to be on their teams. I ended up signing up a contract at Roberts&Rockz’s company because they would pay me the half of a chief architect. That was a very important incoming for a trainee that lived on his own with no familiar support. They wanted me to lead the project as if I had already graduated.

College’d let them use me because that would improve their world prestige. So, I accepted the trade: mental health and morals in exchange of money.

It was almost painful to see the devastation those machines were making. Sometimes I though I could even cry just watching them. They were shooting down every tree and burning off every plant. Soon, they started moving tons of ground, rocks and dust.

—Young Blake—a female voice was claiming my name. I turned around to face the rival director’s head. Emma Moonlight was reaching out, waiting for my hand.

—Mrs. Moonlight— I nodded and reached for her hand. Her handshake was way stronger and firmer than every man I would have met before. Just by her gaze I could understand how she had made her way to the director’s chair and kept the orders out of those suited, narcissist men that plagued architecture offices. I was a head taller that her and yet her presence was heavier than mine.

—I guess you’re wondering what am I doing here, in the middle of nowhere looking at a construction a don’t care about—she said while watching the workers moving heavy stuff—. What a pity, this place. Government should have marked it as a natural reserve— she briefly shook her head and sighted.

I found myself entering her game even when I didn’t want to.

—I am exactly wondering that, yeah— I answered.

—I haven’t taken my eyes off you, Blake. I know you signed up this R&R contract because of the payment— so she already knew—. So, I came here to offer you a new chance— that sounded interesting. Emma Moonlight had her hand into some of the most famous construction companies in the whole world. Also, the fame of having all his legal stuff in order and no public scandals. She seemed an expert that navigated the ways between the legal and the illegal waves. No doubt she was brilliant.

—I’m listening— I said, calmly.

—A fairy has told me that you’re gonna waste your time with that shameless of Roberts only until you graduate. I want you to have a position at one of my companies. A big position for a newbie, I must say.

—I highly appreciate this consideration, but I can’t decide on some things so lightly.

—Alexander Blake, what are you doing talking with that harpy? — chief architect’s voice rang through the now desertic landscape.

Moonlight sissed like a snake and showed her widest smile.

—Keep your cool, you bald. I just came to say hello to my future subdirector’s assistant. I think I’ve talked enough.

She confidently turned around while we all stood there, looking at her leaving. She was so old and yet her strong personality made me think of a bull. Overwhelming.

—I don’t want you near her, it’s competence—I got scolded.

—I got no intentions—she was the one looking for me. Not that I was going to bring that up.

—Hope that bitch will stay out and far from this project. It could be the biggest one in years— the man left swearing.

With all of this commotion I wasn’t keeping an eye on the work under hands, so they had been destroying everything on the way.

My fault was that I wasn’t paying attention enough to stop them when time came.

[justreadertings]

Sweet Understanding: A Rowaelin love story- Part 2

AN: Ask and you shall receive... here’s part 2! I can’t promise part 3 so close together, so savor it lol. Thank you all so much for reading, all my love- Magee

4290 words

Loosely based on the song Suddenly Seymor. Mentions of domestic abuse, violence, swearing, drugs, death, sex, NSFW.

Part 2

Rowan’s mind was too occupied for Fenrys. Sure, this was one of his best friends… but he was a lot. 

They were all in the breakroom eating lunch, though Rowan was still nursing his coffee. He’d warmed it up about three times, but his stomach turned when he tried to eat or drink anything. Fenrys was going on and on about some story, but all Rowan could see was the workings of his nightmares. He’d overslept, since he woke up drenched in sweat at two in the morning, and forced himself to go back to sleep after the fact.

He just kept seeing them. First, it had been his parents, his mother keeping him hidden in the closet behind her, his dad coming home drunk and angry. Then, it had been… her. And the life they should have had. Before a man Rowan arrested a long, long time ago targeted the only family he’d ever had. The only family he was lucky enough to have. And then it had switched again, and he was back at work. Watching Cairn grip Celaena’s elbow, and the only effect it had on her was a twitch in her face. It was calm until it wasn’t, and Rowan’s mind had concocted a scene of her screaming for his help, and he just couldn’t get to her.

He failed his mother, his wife, his child, and now Celaena, too. 

Then he had woken up. 

And when he saw Celeana’s lip this morning, he might as well have called himself a psychic. She had always been such an impenetrable wall. But that wall of hers seemed to crumble, just a bit, when he asked her if her boyfriend had hit her. 

He couldn’t stop seeing her expression. Shocked and yet still steely. Open and yet guarded. He wondered if anyone had ever asked her that. He doubted that, if Cairn had hit her, she would have called the cops. She did not keep her distaste for his profession quiet.

“Whitethorn!” his partner barked, snapping Rowan out of his trance. He glanced up, realizing that he was zoning out for a couple of minutes at least. Lorcan gave him a strange look. “Duty calls.”

Rowan nodded, shaking his head. He had to focus, he knew, or more people would wind up hurt.

-

The Terrasen Ghost Leopards were up three, but Celaena didn’t count on it. They were still in the third quarter, and her team had a tricky habit of losing about a minute before the game ended. 

It was four pm, so not a lot of people were coming in to grab coffee. So that meant she was free to watch her game on the old TV connected to the corner of the shop. This was her favorite thing to do in… life, really. Root for her team that was absolute shit this year while sipping on a chocolaty, hazelnut confection, with no one to bother her.

She had pulled up a stool, even if it hurt her back, to at least give her feet a break. Celaena loved her team. It was the one thing she felt she could still love from her past. It made her feel like she was home again. Celaena smiled bittersweetly into her coffee. 

But her peace was broken by the little bell. She watched the last play, and cursed under breath as they fumbled. She only tore her eyes away when her peripherals caught the customer at the register. 

“Hi there-” she started, then paused, a frown forming on her face. “What are you doing here?”

Rowan seemed just as tired as he did this morning. “I need coffee,” he said, a bit miserably.

Celaena smirked. “Or did you miss the view?” She began grabbing a cup, her eyes still tracking the TV.

Rowan snorted. “You wish.” Then, he was turning around too, and they both stood in silence as the Ghost Leopards' defense stole the ball. Celaena, not caring that he was there, cheered, pumping her fist. “Run baby!” she yelled into the quiet shop.

She couldn’t even show Rowan her shocked expression when he began yelling, just as loud, “GO GO GO!”

They both exploded in cheers and a few excited curses as Terrasen earned a point. When Celaena calmed down from her excitement, she smiled at him, her love for her team coursing through her.

“Don’t tell me you’re part of Terrasen Nation? Cause I can’t hate you if you are. I’ll have to change my entire morning routine.”

Rowan had a pleased look on his face, both of them flushed from their yelling. “I’ve got some bad news for you, then.”

She laughed again, beginning to make his drink. They fell into what was shockingly peaceful quiet, the coffee machine the only sound.

“You watch a lot of football or just your team?”

Celaena tucked her long hair behind her ear. “When I can,” she shrugged. “Not a lot of time to catch other games, though I enjoy the sport,” she confessed. It was strange. No one ever asked her if she liked sports. No one ever asked her what she thought.

“Well, if you ever want to scream about it with a group of semi-drunk people,” he joked, which was strange, but she actually enjoyed it, “You can always come down to Vaughn’s. My buddy owns it so we get a lot of free booze.” He gestured to the TV. “And no offense… but it’s a much better view.”

Celaena’s heart pulled in her chest. In the two years she’d been living here, she had made about two friends, and she was never able to hang out with them. Chaol and Dorian were both parents, they both had families. They cared about her, but… they were busy. She couldn’t remember the last time she was invited out anywhere. Other than with Cairn, but that always felt like more of a threat. Which reminded her… 

“I actually have a date tonight,” she said, disappointed. Rowan’s face twitched something strange, but it quickly morphed back into casual.

“Well, we’re there more than we should be,” he said, pulling out a piece of paper. “So let me know if you ever want to catch a game.”

Rowan stole a pen off of the counter, and she found herself excited as he began to write his number.

She stood on her tippy toes to try to read over his large hand. “Is that going to your work phone? Because unless my team is losing, I don’t think I’m gonna call 911.” 

Rowan rolled his eyes. “It’s my mobile, smartass.”

She exchanged the paper for his coffee. “I’ll let you know,” she said, honestly.

He nodded at her, as if he sensed the peaceful change between them. As if he was just as weirdly comfortable with it as she was. 

“You know,” she called out, just as Rowan was backing out of the door. “If you drink that coffee this late, you’ll be up all night.”

Rowan smiled, a real smile, something that had her smiling back as she slipped his number in the band of her jeans where no one would see it. 

“I’ll take that chance,” he responded, before leaving her standing there. Smiling.

She touched her mouth, and tried to remember that feeling forever. 

-

Celeana was right. It was two in the morning, and here he was. Up. 

Some show he wasn’t even watching was playing on his TV, his apartment only lit by the show. He was standing at the kitchen counter, trying to figure out if he was going to try to make something to help him sleep, or give up and wake himself up enough to work out. At least then he would gain something by being awake. 

Just as he was about to call it quits and make some tea, his phone went off. He frowned at it. Who would call in the middle of the night? An oily feeling coursed in his stomach.

When he grabbed his phone, there was no caller ID. Quickly, he answered it. 

“Hello?” His fingers were trembling, slightly. Remembering the last time he got a call in the middle of the night. 

“Yeah, I’m just calling to put in an order for a large pizza.” 

He paused for a moment before his heart stopped. Ice climbed through Rowan’s veins. It was Celaena. He kept his voice low. “Are you in danger?”

“Yeah, just pepperoni,” she answered, a waver in her voice. 

Immediately, Rowan slipped on his jacket, grabbed his gun from his safe, and shot down the stairs of his apartment, keys in hand. 

“Is he drunk?” Rowan knew it was him, that bastard.

“Yes, I’ll have a Coke.”

Fuck. “Is there a weapon in the house?”

A loud noise came from her end and Rowan’s whole chest tightened. “Um hmm, pepsi is fine.” Her voice sounded so small.

“Tell me where you are.” He had to be professional, it was why he wanted this job in the first place. But he couldn’t stop thinking of his dream. 

“Delivery, right. Address is-”

“FUCKING ORDER ALREADY!”

Rowan stopped moving in the parking lot as her breath hitched, trying to listen. Another bang came from her end, and Rowan recognized a door hitting a wall.

“Where are you?” He asked, keys in the ignition.

Slowly, she told him the address, voice shaky. Rowan had no problem waking everyone up with his siren, piercing through the night. She was nearly eight minutes away. 

Rowan knew what could happen in eight minutes. He pressed on the gas harder.

“Stay with me, Celaena,” he told her, voice calm. He got this way, sometimes, with work. So stressed that he could reign in all his emotions and become nearly inhuman. Just someone doing a job. 

“Yup,” she said, “That’ll do it.” Her voice was thick. Watery. Panic hit him. 

“Stay with me,” he told her, urgently.

“Five minutes?” She asked.

“Yes,” he promised, pushing the gas harder. “Yes, less than five. I promise.”

“Ok,” her voice was calm then. Devoid of emotions. It scared him more than her fear. He didn’t know what it meant. “Thanks so much. Bye.”

“No, Celaena don’t-” she hung up. Rowan nearly lost it. He was plagued by the memory of hearing that his wife, three months pregnant, was killed in a crash. That a monster had run her off the road for revenge against him. Plagued by the memories of his father’s hearing, when he was only sentenced seven fucking months for what he did to his own wife. Plagued by the memories of what happened in that house. 

He would not let it happen again. He could not bear it.

Rowan wound up in the sketchier part of town, a rundown apartment building in front of his face. Controlling his breath, he made his way up to the second floor, just like she said. Apartment 22. He stopped in front of the door, eyes closed, forcing himself to calm down. He had no idea what he was walking into. 

But before he could knock, the door swung open with a bang. Rowan backed up quickly, lucky that the stairwell was close behind. He ducked into it as Cairn, drunk and stumbling and shouting, stomped out of the door.

“This isn’t the fucking end of this!” he pointed back into the apartment. Then he walked the other way, still wobbling, to the elevator. Rowan watched him until the doors closed on him. Then he rushed to the door, body stiff and ready to fight.

Inside, he noticed the kitchen, right next to the front door- destroyed. Paper plates were neatly placed on the small counters, so at odds to the trashed kitchen around it. Utensils were thrown everywhere, napkins fluttering on the ground. He spotted a broken glass where wood met tile. The small living room was just as trashed- the actual couch was flipped over.

And there, sitting in a chair, so still he didn’t even notice her at first, was Celaena. She was just staring at her apartment, the door to both the bathroom and her bedroom open, both those rooms equally destroyed.

He paused, looking at her, so still, so at odds from him as he panted from adrenaline. Rowan noticed her holding her hand… he squinted, until he realized the blood that was rushing from her palm. It broke him from his statue, and he was there, kneeling in front of her. She didn’t so much as blink at him, her hair curtained around her face.

“Celaena?” He whispered, looking at her hand. He didn’t see any big gash or wound, but her other hand was covering most of it. He glanced at her pale face, searching for any other bruises. There was a scratch on her jaw, and angry red lines on her neck. Red streaks lined her golden hair. Rowan’s stomach turned. Again, he tried to pry her out of her void. “Celaena?”

In the tiniest voice he’d ever heard, she whispered, “Aelin.”

He started. “What?”

“My name,” she said, voice wet. “My name is Aelin.” Finally, her eyes flickered to him. Rowan couldn’t get over how gorgeous she was. It used to annoy him but now… how could someone go through whatever she just went through and still look so stunning? 

“Your name?” he repeated. “Your name is Aelin?”

She nodded, and a few tears watering her eyes. They did not fall, instead, just shimmered there. Instead of asking questions- even though he had so, so many- he just asked, “What happened, Aelin?” The name suited her beautifully. He understood why it would belong to her. Even if he understood little else.

She just breathed there for a couple of minutes. Tears slowly leaked from her eyes, as if she were unconscious of them. Rowan clenched his fists to keep from wiping them away. Reminded himself that she may not want to be touched at all. 

Just as he thought she wasn’t going to respond, she whispered, “I’m sorry I called.”

Rowan shook his head. “No. I’m glad you called me. This…” He went to war with his words, glancing around her trashed apartment. “This isn’t normal. This isn’t safe.”

Celaena- no, Aelin, he reminded himself- just shrugged. “It was just a disagreement. But he was drunk.” Her eyes zoned out again, deep in thought. “Really drunk.”

Rowan watched her face, recognizing the expression. 

Lost. She looked so lost.

“Can I look at your hand?” He asked, voice soft.

Her eyes flickered up to his, like a kindling flame. Slowly, she glanced down at her hand, as if she just then remembered it was injured. She removed her other hand, and Rowan could see thin, red blood running down the length of her arm, covering both her hands. 

“I tried to clean up.” Aelin gestured lamely to the broken glass on the floor.

He nodded, relief striking him. “Can I look at it?”

Aelin glanced at it again, as if she needed to inspect it herself before she let him- a licensed paramedic- check it out. He would have rolled his eyes if he weren’t so grateful that he hadn’t lost the bratty woman beyond the events of this night. 

When she finally let him look at it, he tried to be as gentle as possible with her arm, not knowing where she was hurt. It didn’t seem like it was still bleeding, which meant she probably didn’t get herself too bad with the glass. He checked to make sure none was stuck in her hand, but it really seemed like just the side of her palm was cut. Rowan was grateful it wasn’t too close to her wrists or the center of her hand. He’d still have to wrap it, though.

When he looked up, he found her staring at him. “What?”

She shook her head, voice soft and quiet. “You’re good at this. Aren’t you?”

Rowan huffed a small breath. “My job?”

Aelin shrugged. “Not all people are.” 

Rowan didn’t know what she meant by the implication. So he said nothing, and instead, tried to gain any insight on what the hell conspired here. Other than the obvious. “Can you tell me what happened?”

Her expression went cold again. “I overreacted. I’m sorry.”

Rowan was quick to tell her, “don’t be sorry.”

But Aelin grabbed his arm, then. Made him look at her. There was something… haunting in her eyes. Regretful. Her hands were so cold. “You asked me if there was a weapon in the house. And I said yes.” She shook her head, eyes burning. “But he didn’t even have it on him.”

She sounded so ashamed, admitting that. Rowan’s body tensed. He hated the world she lived in. That fear. He’d hated it his first eighteen years. His voice was defensive, even in his own ears. “That doesn’t matter if you thought he might. And it certainly doesn't matter if he’s a weapon too. You should file a report against him.”

“This is what he does when he likes me,” Aelin said with dull humor. She rubbed her eyes with her palms. When she looked up at him, his heart cracked a little. “Could you imagine what’d he do if he was mad?”

Her voice dropped off a little, and Rowan realized he lost her to thought again. His whole chest felt swollen with protectiveness, and with anger. He wanted the man fucking killed. Rowan knew he shouldn’t think like that, but he couldn’t help it. Maybe it made him a shit cop… but he didn’t care. 

He just wanted to help her. Somehow. “Can I wash off your hand? Make sure you got all the glass out?”

Aelin blinked down at him a few times, then nodded. He grabbed her other arm, then, trying to ignore its softness, helping her stand. He tried to ignore her pretty, cream, lacy nightgown. It wasn’t anything too revealing but… it certainly wasn’t her work uniform. 

He guided her to the bathroom, trying to avoid the broken glass. She followed his path, maneuvering past her fallen items. When they got to the bathroom, she hoisted herself up on the counter, laid her head back against the mirror, and closed her eyes.

Rowan’s heart pulled as he looked at her. She seemed so tired. He was grateful that she trusted him enough to be able to just sit there, eyes closed, her bloody arm just sticking out over the sink. He snorted softly at the gesture, and reached for her arm very softly, as to not disturb her. 

Honestly, she looked like a goddess sitting up there. Golden hair cascading down her shoulders, eyelashes brushing to top of her cheeks. He was only grateful for her lack of real clothing so that he could quickly scan for any other injuries- before quickly looking away. What was wrong with him?

Last week if someone had asked him if he hated her, he probably would have shrugged and said yes. No further thought. And now, here he was, at two am, unable to look away from her. He cursed himself, especially after what she’d just been through. 

Rowan continued to wash off her arm with a cloth he grabbed from the a basket on top of her toilet- one of the few things left unscathered. He tried to be as gentle as possible, using warm water. Once all the blood was washed away, he grabbed another cloth and wiped down her arm and hand, drying it off. Then, he grabbed one of the bandages he kept in his jacket, and wrapped her hand. 

Only then did she open her eyes. They were clearer, as if the time he’d spent helping her had let her collect herself. She glanced around her home again, as if seeing it for the first time. “I’m gonna have to clean all of this tomorrow,” she sighed, scrubbing at her face.

Rowan watched her as she hopped down from the counter, coming back to herself a bit. She peered up at him, watching her.

“Thank you,” she said. “For coming. I-” she shook her head. “I know I probably woke you up.” Aelin frowned then, seemingly upset with herself for not noticing the time.

It was his turn to shake his head. “I was up.” He nudged her with his elbow. “Late coffee.”

At that, her brow furrowed, as if she was trying to recognize what he said. At last, a small light overtook her face. “I’m always right,” she said, even if it didn’t have much kick to it. 

“I’ll try to remember that,” he responded, feeling so normal, and yet, being so out of place. He glanced at his watch. It had been almost an hour since she’d called. So much done in an hour, and yet… he must have spent a long time washing her arm. Perhaps he needed the calm down, too.

“Still,” she mused, chewing on her lip. He tried not to watch it too closely. “I’m grateful you came by. Even if it wasn’t… what I thought it was.”

Again, he stressed, “I’m glad you called.”

Then, they just kind of… watched each other. She was looking at him like… like perhaps she was meeting him for the first time. Like they hadn’t spent the past year bickering and calling each other stupid names. He supposed he had just met her- this Aelin. He didn’t know what any of it meant, and it wasn’t really any of his business. He was starting to get the vibe that she didn’t have a lot of people to tell her secrets to. Rowan wondered if she’d figured that out about him, too.

“I should probably get going,” he said, lowly, but did not move. 

Aelin nodded, speaking just as quietly. “Traffic gets bad around three thirty,” she mused, moving closer to him.

“I’ve heard,” he said back, shifting his body so he was next to her.

And then she was rising, up on her tiptoes. He watched her closely, his heart pounding. Everything was so still in her home, in the safety of night. But they were moving, like a magnetic force kept pulling them together. She braced her hand on his chest for support as he tilted his face down to her’s.

“I’m glad you came, too,” she whispered, before leaning in closer. She hesitated though, catching his eyes for acceptance.

He couldn’t have waited any longer, grateful that she was waiting on him. He didn’t want her to regret this. Slowly, he hooked his finger over her chin, and ever so lightly, pressed his mouth to her’s.

Her lips were soft, and she tasted of vanilla, and jasmine. She hummed, which made him crazy for her, but he kept his kiss gentle, even as his whole body jolted to life. Her hands danced upwards, gliding up to rest by his neck as their kiss continued. He waited for her cues, even as she drove him nearly insane. Rowan felt her fingers play with his hair, teasing him. He nipped at her lips, just as ready to play with her. It was so strange how perfect they fit. How intense this felt, even as their lips only slid softly against each other’s. She pulled away, gradually. And when she returned to the balls of her feet, a small smile graced her features.

Her fingers swiped at her lips, and he watched them meticulously. It was the sweetest gift, her kiss. Gentle but consuming, leaving him aching for more of her. More of her story, her smiles. More of whatever it was she kept hidden behind her walls.

“I’ll see you in about four hours?” She asked, voice hesitant.

He nodded, his mind still reeling. “I’ll see you in four hours.” Rowan couldn't help but remember why he was called to her home, though. “He’s not going to come back? Will he?”

Aelin’s soft expression hardened a bit. “He shouldn’t,” she admitted, and even her voice sounded different when she spoke of him. “Not when he’s this drunk. He normally goes to some other woman’s house.”

Rowan frowned, unable to hide his emotion. She frowned back at his expression. He made his voice soft. “If he does… will you call me?” Aelin’s expression turned sad, then. He didn’t know why. Trying to make it go away- and ease her worries- he told her, “or even come to my apartment to-” he swallowed back his nausea. “Hideout. If you need to.”

Aelin stared at him then with the most open expression he’d ever seen from her. Like he was seeing the real her for the first time. “I’ll think about it,” she said, voice soft.

He told her his address, just in case. If that bastard came back while still so out of it, he didn’t want her stranded. Rowan had to ask, “Will you consider reporting him?”

She chewed on her lip again, shifting her weight. “I’ll think about it,” she finally convinced. He didn’t know if he believed her, but he nodded anyway.

Rowan knew he had to leave then- that if he wanted to get any sleep he should absolutely leave. But she seemed to know he didn’t want to, and her fingers wrapped around his jacket, pulling him in to give her another slow, lingering kiss. Exploring her, feeling her soft breath on his face. When she pulled away, she began to walk him to the door.

Aelin was still rubbing her fingers over her lips when she waved goodbye to him. “Goodnight, Rowan.”

He nodded at her doorstep. “Goodnight, Aelin.”

And when she closed the door, he had no idea who she was or what he walked into. But he knew he was in too deep now. 

Well there’s part 2! I keep adding more and more to this fic, so part 3 might come a little later, just so I can keep on schedule. I hope you enjoyed this part... I cannot promise an end to the angst soon. That’s just how I roll.- Magee

Taglist:

@leiawritesstories

@tomtenadia

@fireheart-violet

@backtobl4ck

@morganofthewildfire

@rowaelinismyotp

@aelinchocolatelover

@thegreyj

@foughtconquered

@swankii-art-teacher

@booklover242

@stardelia

@numbers-colors-fashion

@bookcide

@viajandosinalas

@rowanaelinn​

@elentiyawhitethorn

[stacywaters]

Just Pretend (BEOMGYU) CH11 - The Moment I Knew

(Y/N POV)

Yesterday, I worried all morning and tossed and turned the night before, fretting what would happen to me and Beomgyu once we finished our presentation.

The presentation went well, but not me and Beomgyu.

Since I showed up that morning, he had been acting strange. I woke up early to do my makeup and hair, trying my best to look nice. My mom thinks it's because of the presentation. But really, it's because it was the last time we were forced to work together, and I hoped that if I could look good enough or sound smart enough, he would stick around.

However, he was distant the entire day. Like those pictures you see of the milky way galaxy, he seemed to be orbiting a whole other sun.

He performed well when it came to the slideshow, but I didn't see him again all day. It's like he was hiding. He had been dodging eye contact and muttering to himself since he got here. Was it something I did? I worry. I think back to me grabbing his hand earlier, shoot! I probably weirded him out and now he hates me, and, and... these nervous thoughts followed me all day, like the cherry blossoms in the spring air. Except far less pretty.

I practically ran to the front gates of the school. If I could see him just one last time before the weekend, maybe somehow I could... keep myself in his thoughts? He walked slowly from the classrooms, eyes down. When he finally looked up and saw me, he practically froze. Has he actually been avoiding me? What did I do?

I still smiled and ran over to him, "I keep forgetting that we don't need to work on our project after school today"

He gulped, "y-yeah" His eyes seemed to jump around, rarely meeting mine.

If I messed something up, I want to fix it! But how am I supposed to fix it if we never talk again?

"so, got any plans for the weekend?"

"Nope"

I went to prom with him (kinda), I talked to him once he lost his old friends, he helped me escape people that were bullying me, we've done this whole project together, how can we just move on as acquaintances after that?

"Then, uh," my mind raced as I tried to think of something we could do together, some excuse to meet up.

I looked at him again. He looked almost... agitated? He turned away and covered his face. I breathed a sigh. Then again, if he were to fall in love with me like I hoped, wouldn't he have by now?

"Then, I guess I'll just see you around"

He was still looking off somewhere. Maybe at someone else. Maybe at nothing at all, "Mhm"

I turned and began walking home. Once I was farther away, I felt tears start to well up in my eyes. I cried silently the whole way home.

Maybe it's stupid. Maybe I'm the one being unrealistic. But I really thought we had something, or maybe I just really believed we could've. I shouldn't have invited him to prom, it just made my feelings worse. And now I have to accept that we could've been, but we never will.

My feelings will just be fog on a window, obscuring my view but clear to him. My warm welcomes just melt at the hands of his cold gaze. And I'll have to be okay with that.

-----

I sip my warm latte, steam floating up and warming my face. I listen to the tap tap tap of the icy rain against the metal roof.

In this quiet morning, I just scroll through Pinterest. Saving photos of cute animals or funny memes. Just relaxing.

I hear something hit the window. I look out there, but I don't see much through the condensation on the glass.

Again, a knock. Is there some animal messing with the latch of the window? A squirrel that went a bit crazy?

The sound continues, so I finally close my phone and unlock the latch of the window to see what is going on.

"What is-"

I freeze in my spot at my desk. My eyes now wide and glassy.

Soaked from the rain. Eyes red; he's been crying for a while now. Hair all messed up. A slouch to his posture, shoulders weighing him down. Arms flat at his side. A pleading look.

"I didn't know where else to go," he mumbles.

A roar of thunder. A flash of lightning. A shiver as he stands before me. I'm still so shocked. I was worried I'd never see him again, but here he is. And that was the moment I knew, for sure this time.

This was real.

I finally call to him, "Beomgyu?"

[trainerbymoonlight]

✧ INTRO POST ✧

[DISCLAIMER: THE VIEWS AND OPINIONS EXPRESSED ON THIS ACCOUNT ARE MY OWN AND MAY NOT NECESSARILY REFLECT THE OFFICIAL VIEWS AND OPINIONS OF THE HOENN POKÉMON LEAGUE.]

(in other words, this is my ‼️unofficial, not league official‼️ spam rotomblr, so take everything i say on here with a TINY grain of salt & don’t expose me to the league when i say something stupid, because i will inevitably say something stupid)

-

hey rotomblr! been gone for a while so i figure it’s about time for a reintroduction!

my name is floris (they/them), and i’m an aspiring future professor and the current hoenn champion, which i have held the title for 8 years running as of this post! i was named on 8/13/2015 when i was ten years old, which some of you might remember the news coverage of. (side note: don’t look up any of my old interviews, they’re embarrassing as hell)

^ this is my official hoenn league trainer card! (no you will NOT see mine or my ‘mons registration numbers thank you) and before you guys get all up in arms about two of my hoenn registered team members being alolan, my League team is slightly different, and i don’t reveal that publicly.

the first is my blaziken, my sweet boy apollo <3 my first ever pokémon, given to me by our lovely professor birch! we’ve really grown up together, and despite how much i raised him, i think he raised me a little bit too. he’s a sassy, spoiled brat at his core but still incredibly loyal and affectionate. he’s my best trained, and dare i say my strongest. very protective, very loyal, impulsive about battles.

the second is latios, a member of the eon duo, who i met on a hidden island off the coast (not disclosing where) after his sister petitioned former champion steven stone and i for help. we saved him from illicit capture and he insisted upon traveling with me. he doesn’t take anything too seriously, but he’s not necessarily hyper.

the third is lunala- or nebby, who i technically adopted? i met it a couple of years after becoming hoenn champ, when i was 12, during my first attempt at beating alola’s league. it’s a long, long story, but tl;dr, after it evolved, its caretaker (a friend of mine) left it with me, saying i could take it on more adventures and give it a better life than she could, and i’m doing my best. it’s just happy to be along for the ride, really :)

fourth is rayquaza, who i met atop the sky pillar when i petitioned it for aid with the whole meteor situation. somehow, bewilderingly, i became its Chosen. i’m now its caretaker :)

fifth is my sylveon, pixie! she was an eevee i’d caught early on whose name i couldn’t decide on until one morning i woke up and she had just evolved overnight into a sylveon, and i was young and had no idea that could happen, so i assumed she was lost and had just somehow wandered her way into my tent lol, so i took her around the nearest town and asked if she belonged to anybody. eventually the pokémon center confirmed she was indeed mine! she was confused while this was going down but very happy to be there. she’s very playful and also very intent on helping me with tasks she thinks i need help with! it’s very sweet of her.

sixth is my lurantis, hyacinth, who i met in alola. she’s shyer and tends to keep to herself, and she really likes gardening like a lot of my grass types do. she brings me plant cuttings a lot!

[OOC UNDER CUT]

hi, i’m floris (@astral-faery)! i’m nearly 19 and use they/them pronouns this is a self insert/pokésona blog. canon divergent bc they replaced may in ORAS, but can adapt to most canons! i’m almost 19 and so is champion flor so this blog swears and will have more mature references, but *no* explicit nsfw rps/ERP!

champion flor will answer most asks, even abt their trauma 💀 they might answer asks from sentient/talking/anthropomorphic pokémon, but there’s like NO chance they’re gonna believe it.

i’m very much okay with high stakes rp! champion flor and their pokémon can get hurt irp, but they *will not* get killed. i’m also NOT EVER okay with, like.. sadistic shit. heavy angst is fine, being weird about the angst and having your evil character talk to mine about how much they like to torture pokémon is not.

NO pokémon nsfw allowed EVER! pokémon function as beloved and whimsical pets on this blog even if a couple can technically communicate telepathically. that is how they will remain. don’t be fuckin creepy, yo.

if you’re a pokemon irl/rotomblr blog please interact and send asks and reblog my posts! i was in this community months ago and want to get back into it. i hope to see you guys around!

[amberlynnmurdock]

New Love, New Haven

CHAPTER TWO: My Older Brother’s Best Friend 

Pairing: Ben Tallmadge x Original Female Character 

Chapter Summary: Sadie meets Nathan’s friends at the tavern. 

Author’s Note: Too long! But in brief, I had so much fun writing this chapter. I hope you enjoy it! 

Archive of Our Own Link

September 1772

Sadie woke up right at the crack of dawn to read the notes Nathan had given her. She was far too tired to stay up by candlelight last night, and since tonight would be another late night (perhaps even later) she knew that morning would be the best time to get some studying in.

Her room had a perfect view of Yale University. In the tavern downstairs, Sadie could only get a peek at the front of the building. From her room that resided above, she could see the top of the building—the building’s bell tower. She thought that an early morning like this was when Yale looked its most beautiful—a soft, golden glow coming up on the front of the gothic architecture.

The other side of her room had her wooden desk, paper, and quill. She wrapped a blanket around her cold shoulders and tiptoed on the hardwood floors. She lit a candle and pulled out Nathan’s notes on John Locke.

Two hours passed, and the sun was finally completely out. Sadie immersed herself in Nathan’s notes, reading about Locke’s origin and how he became one of the philosophers of the Enlightenment. A lot of his sentiments echoed, or at least resembled, what she’d sometimes hear her brother say in private, about things in this new world. Things like property, taxes, freedom… it was no wonder Nathan was getting a bit more passionate when he spoke, and it’s because of material like this, that was inspiring him. Inspiring her.

☆☆☆☆

By evening, Sadie was preparing the bar for closure, or so her father thought. She pretended to be stacking glasses away, when really, she was saving about five of them for herself, Nathan, and his friends.

“Sadie, what’s takin’ ya so long, stackin’ em…oh, never mind,” Richard’s words slurred as he brought a basket of bread to the back. Sadie suppressed the smile she had and tucked a strand of her brown hair behind her ear.

“What was that, Pa?” Sadie asked, mustering the most innocent voice she could.

Richard waved his hand, “oh…I don’t know, I think I am feeling a bit logy, I suppose…” his voice trailed off as he leaned on the bar counter. “Sadie, dear, there’s not much people left,” Richard began, eyes half closed, putting a hand to his forehead. Sadie glanced at the floor—there was absolutely no one left in the tavern. Seems the chamomile worked fast.

“Do ya—do ya mind closing up and cleanin’ up for me? I’ll letcha off for the night tomorrow I just—your Pa’s not young anymore.” Sadie, stifling a giggle, walked to her father’s side and placed a hand on his shoulder.

“Of course, Pa. Go get some sleep, I’ll lock up and be fine down here,” Sadie urged her father, anxious for him to be in bed. She didn’t expect him to offer her the next night off, which was a pleasant surprise. She’d worry about what she could do with her free night later.

Richard walked sluggishly up the steps. Sadie watched from around the corner of the staircase as her father ascended into his room. Once she heard the door shut, she waited about another five minutes, before she herself quietly crept up the stairs. As soon as she heard a loud, rattling snore from inside his room, Sadie knew it was safe to continue downstairs.

Sadie made sure there was more than enough ale in the barrel and prepped a few tin cans to be used. The bread basket her father left out on the table, Sadie figured the boys would be hungry after God knows what goes on in a drama club. Smiling to herself, Sadie put the bread basket at the front of the bar, for anyone to grab from.

As she walked across the floor to secure the lock on the door, Sadie caught a glimpse of herself on an old, dainty mirror that hung on the wall. She paused—and momentarily panicked. She didn’t normally care about how she looked, since she only ever saw her father and Nathan. Her hair was in a simple braid that fell down the back of her neck, reaching right between her shoulder blades. A few pieces in the front were tucked out, framing her face beautifully. Sadie ran her fingers through them, brushing them out. There, that should do. It didn’t matter to her if she looked nice—she was there to be entertained, not to impress anyone.

Reaching the door, Sadie grabbed the latch but paused when she heard a commotion outside.

“Fill me a bowl, a mighty bowl,” a group of young men shout-sang in the street. Their voices became louder the closer they got, “large as my capacious soul!”

The group of young men all had their arms around each other’s shoulders, surely drunk already and trying not to let the other step out of bounds. Sadie giggled, realizing it was Nathan and his friends. She watched from a distance as they kept skipping down the cobblestone road, their singing starting to slur and go off-key.

Sadie saw that one of his friends had a glass bottle in his hands. He was swinging it about, rather carelessly, and on the last swing, the bottle slipped from his hands, up onto and into a window, shattering glass everywhere.

The boys froze in their steps, mouths agape at the sight of their friend’s destruction.

“Oh, nice goin’, Benny,” one of them teased. The four of them burst out laughing, but their laughs quickly fizzled out when an angry old man came running to the window atop.

“You imbecile children, you’ll pay for that—stay right there!” An old man, with a white mustache, yelled from the broken window.

“RUN!” Nathan shouted at the top of his lungs, "follow me!”

Just as the old man turned away, presumably to follow them outside, Nathan and his three friends booked it for the tavern. Sadie held the door open and ushered the young men inside, quickly latching the door shut and locking it. Nathan and his friends crouched under the windows as Sadie kept watch for the old man.

She watched as the disgruntled old man ran outside his building, in nothing but a robe and loafers, looking around the street, scratching his head. Sadie did feel bad for the old man, and would definitely make her older brother pay for the damages. The old man walked back inside to her relief.

Suddenly, strong arms grab Sadie around her waist and she yelps in surprise, as the person spins her around and gently drops her to her feet. When Sadie realizes it’s her older brother, Enoch, she squeals in surprise.

“Enny!” Sadie calls, giving her oldest brother a hug. “You’re back from York City!” Sadie didn’t even see her brother when they all walked in—she must’ve been too focused on getting them out of sight.

“Indeed I am,” Enoch replies, with a big smile. His fluffy brown hair bounced as he shimmied his coat off, and dropped it on a wooden table. Sadie, looking at her brothers now suspiciously, and then their two friends, squinted her eyes.

“Quite an entrance comin’ back, from you,” Sadie raised an eyebrow, “and are you the one who carelessly threw the bottle at that poor man’s window?”

“That would be me,” one of their friends, sheepishly admitted and raised a hand. Sadie immediately noted the young man’s tall stature—tall, but fell just a bit shorter than Nathan. He had golden brown hair, tied back a little carelessly (probably wound undone from all their drinking), he had a straight nose and chiseled cheekbones…and even in the dim lighting of the tavern, Sadie could see how blue the young man’s eyes were. To put it simply, Sadie was shocked he didn’t notice him before. She was honestly more shocked Nathan had such an attractive friend. The young man caught her eyes and smiled a bit shyly, and Sadie, blushing (but hoping the dim lighting of the tavern hid it) looked away to meet Nathan instead.

“Oh, Benny, don’t be bashful, we’ve all done it before,” Nathan laughed, patting a hand on ‘Benny’s’ shoulder. “I’ll introduce ya to my sister,” Nathan, obviously buzzed, walked his two friends over to Sadie to introduce them to her. Sadie, trying her best to not meet ‘Benny’s’ eyes, focused on her brother.

“Sadie, these are my two absolute scoundrel friends, Mr. Asher Wright and Mr. Benjamin Tallmadge,” Nathan announced as if he were a speaker at a conference. Sadie laughed at her brother and looked at his friends.

“Very nice to meet you, Ms. Sadie Hale,” the one named Asher introduced himself. Asher was just as blonde as Nathan and close in height. She does remember Nathan telling her about his close childhood friend, but never got a chance to meet him, until now. Sadie nodded and smiled.

“Pleasure to meet you Ms. Hale, and I apologize for causing a ruckus outside,” Benjamin stated, grabbing Sadie’s attention by the pleasant softness of his voice, although his words did slur a bit, which made Sadie laugh—second by second she was growing more comfortable around these strange men. But if they were friends with Nathan, she knew they had to be good people, anyway.

Sadie nodded curtly, not wanting to just be seen as the younger Hale sister. And she certainly didn’t want to be seen as submissive.

“Well then, since you so graciously admitted to the crime of that poor man’s window, I’ll see it fit to send you the bill in the morning,” Sadie quipped, placing her hands on her hips. Benjamin, a little startled at Sadie’s forwardness, stuttered to Nathan’s amusement.

“Well, uh—yes, I do suppose that is what is fair and right—“ Benjamin raised his eyebrows and nodded, not knowing if Sadie was being serious or not.

“‘Though she be but little, she is fierce,’” Nathan quoted Shakespeare as he nudged Benjamin in the ribs. Benjamin smiled, returning the nudge to Nathan. Realizing that these were the Hales he was dealing with, Benjamin broke his serious response and squinted his eyes at Sadie.

“I know you lot are jus’ takin the mick at me,” Benjamin realized. Sadie laughed, also breaking her serious nature, and both she and Nathan gave each other a knowing look. “I can’t take you Hales, you’re entirely too much.”

“Well, if you can’t handle us, Benjamin, then the door is right over there. More ale for us then, huh?” Sadie quipped as she began to walk to the bar. Nathan, Asher and Enoch made their way to the bar stools while Benjamin still stood, shocked at the young lady’s quick answers.

Sadie grabbed five glasses and lined them up on the bar. Benjamin slowly walked over, a little intimidated by the three Hales now. He chose his seat at the end on the far right, next to Asher.

“So, are you going to tell me about this drama club of yours now?” Sadie inquired as she began pouring the ale into each glass. Nathan took his glass and swiveled it so the liquid would bubble.

Sadie passed each class to the young men. When she passed a glass to Benjamin, he caught her eyes again, and gave a small smile of thank you—none of the others had thanked her. Sadie gave a slight nod in return, quickly making her way back to the middle.  

“Well, ya know, we just sort of… lollygag, if you will,” Asher explains as Nathan and Enoch hold their glasses to their lips and suppress a laugh. Sadie was amused but she was getting tired of their beating around the bush. She had to know, dammit!

“C’mon,” Sadie pleaded, raising her own glass to her lips and sipping the ale.

“If you must know, dear young, Ace of Sades,” Nathan put on another fake presenter voice, “we practice the art of theater, of course, and tonight we decided to do a rendition of the famous tragedy, Cato,” Nathan raised his glass and the others mirrored his action. They all took a swig of the ale as Sadie remained curious about the choice of play.

“But you are all in such high spirits, why would you choose such a tragedy?” Sadie asked them.

“Because, Sadie, it is our rendition of the play that makes it fun. Of course, we pay our respects to the original, it is a phenomenal piece of work, but tonight, well…” Enoch trailed off, reaching for a piece of bread from the bowl Sadie took from her father.

“Hmm,” Sadie mused, “sounds like it started like serious work until someone brought out some alcohol.”

“That someone would be Ben,” Asher revealed, causing everyone to look at Benjamin. Sadie grinned as she saw Benjamin get flustered by the attention—was he always this flustered, or was it the alcohol?

“Nemo saltat sobrius,” Sadie accidentally slipped out, looking at Benjamin. She didn’t know how Nathan’s friends would react to her knowing about his studies, and she’s been waiting to find the perfect moment to use a common Latin phrase. Sadie blushed and quickly sipped her ale to hide her reaction.

Benjamin, looking taken aback, was impressed at Sadie’s use of the language.

“You know Latin?” Benjamin genuinely inquired. He didn’t know one woman around him that spoke Latin.

“Not the whole language—just what I can remember,” Sadie humbly replied.

“My little—“ Nathan began until Enoch nudged him in the chest.

“Our,” Enoch corrected. Sadie laughed.

“Our little sister is a very bright young lady. I think she studies my notes more than I do,” Nathan chided, bragging about Sadie. It was nice to feel supported by her older brothers in her wanting to pursue education when it felt like the world was against her. She was lucky to have them; she can’t say if anyone else’s brothers would be that supportive of a young woman wanting to learn.

“Not only that but she also secretly fed our father a little too much chamomile, causing him to turn in early so we could have the tavern to ourselves,” Nathan stated. Sadie looked at him in shock that he would reveal such a thing. She didn’t want his friends to think she was some sort of witch!

“Nathan! Gosh—please don’t be alarmed, my father is fine, chamomile is very calming and healthy,” Sadie quickly clarified. Benjamin and Asher laughed, which caused Sadie’s worst fears to quickly wash away.

“Should we be concerned about what’s in this ale, then?” Benjamin examined his glass and looked at Sadie teasingly. Sadie, stupefied at Benjamin’s return for the quick wit, didn’t know how to respond—and she was not sure if it was because of the look he was giving her, or that he really did get her back. His blue eyes danced with mischief and she pursed her lips, letting him win.

☆☆☆☆

The rest of the night consisted of more ale being poured, and more stories of their drama club shenanigans. Sadie found a seat at the bar, next to Benjamin. Maybe it was the ale, but she found herself gravitating toward his presence. She wasn’t afraid to make herself known among Nathan and Enoch’s friends. Benjamin wasn’t an exception.

He gladly welcomed her presence as well. It was casual enough since their attention was now focused at the front of the tavern, watching Enoch and Nathan recite lines from another Shakespeare play.

“And, this is when Ben put on a wig to play Titania, Queen of the Fairies,” Nathan could barely get any word out from laughing too hard—this was clearly a moment that one had to witness, Sadie thought, but she laughed along nonetheless. Benjamin laughed too, unfazed by the fact his embarrassing moments were being revealed.

“It was quite a nice wig,” Benjamin argued, taking another sip from his glass.

“It was a horrendous wig,” Enoch retorted.

“I guess it’s all subjective, then,” Benjamin replied. Nathan and Enoch went on about something else, and Asher joined in the conversation, but Sadie’s attention now fell on the young man that sat beside her.

She felt a strange inkling that one of them was waiting for the other to speak, and she didn’t know why. This was her older brother’s best friend, for God’s sake! She was half uncomfortable that she kept questioning herself around him, but the other half was so curious about him, genuinely, because she had never really conversed with the opposite sex about education, except her brothers, but Benjamin piqued her curiosity from the moment she laid eyes on him.

“So, Benjamin,” Sadie spoke her thoughts aloud. When she said his name, her heart jumped, wondering if she shouldn't have started a conversation at all, and then she realized he kept his gaze on his friends. Perhaps he didn’t hear me?

Anxiously, Sadie spoke again, “Benjamin,” she said a bit louder.

Benjamin instantly brought his attention to her, startled by the young woman’s calling.

“I apologize, Sadie—I’m afraid this ale gets the better of my senses,” Benjamin held the glass up and swiveled the liquid. Sadie smiled in return.

“It’s all right, I understand,” Sadie replied awkwardly.

“You can call me Ben, by the way,” Ben told her. Sadie nodded.

“Okay, Ben,” she said, “what are you studying at Yale?”

Ben turned in his seat to face her more, and Sadie shifted, accidentally causing their knees to touch. Sadie felt a jolt in her chest at the contact, sitting a little back. Ben seemed to notice the contact as well, but he carried on.

“Well, there are plenty of subjects that are being taught currently,” Ben explained, placing the glass on the bar. Sadie sat up straight as Ben leaned over a bit, interlacing his fingers together as he thought aloud. Sadie saw a strand of his hair fall a little looser now. He looked at the ground as he spoke.

“We’ve got Latin—which you are quite well-versed in—also Greek and Hebrew. Really, it depends on the season of school. We’ve learned geometry, which I am not quite a fan of, but this season it is astronomy,” Ben met her eyes and looked so deeply into hers. Breaking the contact quickly, Sadie sipped from her almost empty glass.

“Astronomy?!” Sadie repeated excitedly. Ben smiled softly and nodded. “I don’t think Nathan’s brought those notes to me yet. But that sounds quite fascinating,” Sadie remarked, sighing a bit.

Ben noticed the change in her posture and sat quietly for a moment. As she looked away to watch her brothers and Asher fool around, Ben studied her for a moment, as if in trance. She was young, but she was beautiful—not to mention his best friend’s little sister—but he didn’t see anything wrong with a friendship. And Ben couldn’t deny he was struck by her first impression just earlier in the night. Perhaps he may have underestimated when Nathan told him his younger sister would be hanging with them that night—he didn't expect her to have such a presence, and he felt slightly guilty for making that judgment prematurely.

“I’d be happy to bring you some of my astronomy notes,” Ben offered to Sadie, sitting up a bit more straight now. Sadie’s attention was pulled back to Ben again, her eyes widening in surprise.

“Really? I mean, are you sure? I would hate for you to not have them in time for an exam,” Sadie reasoned, but this was the only time a thought like that came into her mind—she never minded it when she stole Nathan’s notes.

Ben shrugged and leaned in a bit closer to Sadie. “To be honest, it’s not anythin’ I haven’t learned before, so I would be glad to give them to someone who may find them more useful.”

“Okay,” Sadie replied, not being able to contain her excitement. Ben smiled at her enthusiasm. “How will you get them to me?”

That was a good question, Ben thought. He could have Nathan bring them to her, but for some reason, that made him uncomfortable. Ben could come to the tavern himself, but then Nathan might see him—and now Ben was wondering why this had to be hidden at all.

“How would you like me to get them to you?” Ben asked instead.

Sadie looked around thoughtfully, when her eyes landed on Nathan, still laughing and drinking. She, too, for some reason, didn’t want Nathan to be the bearer of the notes.

“I don’t mind if you drop them off here, or if we meet somewhere in town…”

“Okay,” Ben agreed, “We can meet at Chapel Street, as soon as my last class is over, at about four o’clock.”

“Alright,” Sadie smiled, “Thank you, Ben. I truly appreciate it.”

☆☆☆☆

The night was starting to come to an end, at around one in the morning. Nathan helped Sadie flip the barstools on top of the bar. Enoch rinsed the glasses out. Asher and Ben waited at the door with their coats.

The Hale siblings made their way to the front to say goodbyes. Enoch picked up Sadie once more and spun her around, causing her to laugh.

“I am glad you are back safe from York City, Enny,” Sadie said.

Nathan gave Sadie a salute, something he always did to his little sister, and thanked her again for keeping the tavern open.

“Sweet dreams, Ace of Sades, and until next time,” Nathan stated.

Asher waved goodbye, and Ben tipped his tricorn, locking his eyes with Sadie a bit longer.

“Pleasure to meet you, Ms. Hale,” Ben softly declared.

“Perhaps I’ll see you—all—again,” Sadie replied, catching herself. Ben grinned, and only Sadie saw it.

The four of them began to trickle out, with Ben being the last of them to leave. Just as he saw his three friends slightly ahead of him, Ben stopped in his tracks and looked at Sadie.

“Ben, did you forget something?” Sadie asked.

“Nitimur in vetitum,” Ben whispered, his blue eyes bright in the moonlight. The moonlight cast a shadow on half of his face, accentuating his chiseled features.

Sadie squinted her eyes when she translated what he said. And before she could reply, he was already off with his friends. She couldn’t help but ponder his use of the phrase—her yearning for education when it wasn’t allowed, or something else entirely.

We strive for the forbidden.

[beating-beetle-heart]

X Reader Writing Practice

I’m here with another robot x reader. This one is for my friend, they commissioned it and gave me permission to post it. It’s a very personal issue for them, and maybe for some of you as well. It deals with self-image and dermatillomania.

Female reader, male bot.

Set in a loose college system

The day was young. That's what people say, Y/N mused.

The day was young.

Everything around her felt old.

University has a way of doing that. It wasn't a bad start to a day. It was sunny, and it was young. Her dorm gave her a nice view, and everyone outside was young, too, including herself. Fresh twenty, the kind of age where people say you look your best, the best you'll ever be, and your beauty is at its peak. Your body is at its peak. For Y/N, she'd been waiting for her twenties her whole life. Now, half a year ago, it showed up just as planned, only the plan ended there. The day after she'd turned twenty, Y/N had done what she'd been trying to break since the middle of her high school life.

Y/N had reached a hand up till her fingers found skin on cheeks and chin, then those fingers searched, exploring for any bump, rough patch or mark. And then those fingers had begun to itch, and did not stop. So there she was after her twentieth birthday, numb and unaware to what she was doing till the skin was peeled off and the gentlest of washing felt like rivers of lava punishing her for her illness. She woke the next morning with red patches surrounding her face, and, by miracle, she had no classes and no plans while her roommates did, so she stayed in all day. She saw her features in the mirror and sighed, and went to make breakfast. Oatmeal, oatmeal raisin cookies, eaten in pajamas, washed down with sweet tea.

Half a year later, Y/N woke up, and as she'd thought an hour before, the day was still young. With nothing going on, accompanied by precious time alone (the most difficult thing to find she'd discovered since moving into a dorm), Y/N began scrolling through her phone. Brilliant sun shone through the open windows. The beams bounced off a flickering, glittering thing on the corner of a desk. Y/N glanced over and squinted. It was the dress of her roommate Monique. The sight clutched up an old memory of Monique shoving armfuls of clothes into different places as Y/N entered the room. Monique looked up, a mad sparkle in her eyes, and vehemently declared "I'm making a give-away pile for my clothes! I have so many after all, I hardly use some of them," and at that, the mad sparkle twinkled down to allow the shimmer of sadness to push through, but Monique was not deterred in her task. "Here, you can look through it if you want," she declared. Y/N had politely declined. Most of Monique's stuff was dresses, short and sleeveless, but Y/N had never worn a dress in her life. It would be odd to start now she'd thought, but she was alone in the dorm, and new things weren't looking so bad. Not when others can't see you trying them anyway.

Y/N searched for Monique's number. She shot a simple text, to the point. Monique quickly responded with a wave and a smile, ecstatic in emojis as well as voice. With that, Y/N loped over to the pile of clothes and ran her hand along one of the dresses. The material was rough, and when she held it up it was full of what she assumed to be stylish wrinkles. Y/N slung it onto her arm and walked to the bathroom. Her pajamas dropped to the floor and she studied looked over her body in the mirror. It wasn't a bad body. It was small-breasted, but had a good ass and was slimmer-framed. It had a substantial amount of armpit and leg hair because shaving, and general care, was often just too much for her tired soul to bother doing. She showered and made sure not to smell, but the little things along the way was too taxing most nights. Her hips, thighs and knees were covered in stretch marks. She traced over their textured dips, marveling at their change of color depending on the angle. Years ago she would have watched in shame, as her skin did what was normal in bodies but distasteful to the eyes. Now, she smiles at their appearance. She held up the dress, turning it around to see its back, then promptly struggled for several minutes trying to get it on. It was strapless and short, barely covering the end of her butt, and a ruffle ran down the left side of its front. It clung to her curves, but the lack of straps or hold above left her feeling like it would slip down any minute. Y/N had to admit, though, that it looked quite nice on her. She turned, analyzing her different angles. Y/N figured she'd definitely have to finally shave if she wore it out, but that was unlikely. It wasn't as though she were going to parties every week, or at all honestly. She was more prone to chill clubs and city walkings, it was a lovely kind of community she'd gathered. She ran fingers through her long, silken hair. It fell around her shoulders, so darkly brown it was nearly black.

She slipped off the dress and went to grab another. The next had a large hoop on the front, right under the boobs, which strips of fabric hung on. The top was textured in glitter. As soon as she managed to get it on, however, she pried it off in hate. Whatever type it was -or maybe it was the hoop- did not work on her. The third one was the best so far. It was more a very fancy, slightly longer than average, tank top. A collar of fake gems spanned a pattern across the top. It was a favorite so far. The first one would be a favorite if it wasn't so itchy in places. The fancy tank top she felt like she could chill in her dorm with. Y/N retrieved her phone and held it up to the mirror, twisting, angling, vaguely hopeful. The series of pictures she took only proved her nicely-shaped body, but all of them except for two, managed to hide her face. Whether it be the camera hiding it, or only taking pictures from the neck down, either way. She clicked out of the camera and wavered over Monique's chat. Y/N picked through the photos with a slow, critical eye, her fingers tapping rappid-fire against the back of phone's case till she settled on a few -none of the face, none of the face- to send. She then moved to her partner's number. Her glorious, gorgeous, new, partner. They'd only been dating a mere four months or so. Not long at all for a relationship. Was it too new to send more...? They'd never had sex, and so far neither had sent any lewd photos. Y/N's fingers hovered over the camera icon while she moved into different positions with jerky movements. In the end she took no other photos, but rather ended up sending him one of the two photos that didn't hide her face, and one that did.

A message notification blipped up. It was Monique. They look so cute on you, where are u gon wear them?

Y/N responded Not sure, I don't think I have anywhere to wear them rlly

Why are u trying them on if u aren't gon use them

Y/N's hand reached up.

It was rather stupid to try them on, she realized. Y/N could feel her heart pick up the pace, could feel the down-turn of her face. She registered, vaguely, her nails scratching, her skin peeling. The simple joy of seeing yourself in a more special look sank, replaced quickly, quick as a trigger, by a deep thumping in her chest. Every thump gave waves of overlapping, overbearing, pain. Y/N wasn't going anywhere she could use this kind of clothing, she felt foolish for even bothering to try, even worse for thinking she'd just take some of the day to feel nice in new outfits. It was a childish attempt, and she hated herself for feeling like a child at its end. Another message blipped. Y/N glanced to the floor, barely registering it was her partner's name. Revve, with two dots above the v's, so that it looked like a smiley face. A jagged, cute pumpkin-ey smiley face. Y/N reads it from the notification rather than the app.

That dress looks very cute on you. Then, When did you get it?

Y/N's hand is finally brought down to type. It's monique's. They let me try it out! Her hand hovered over the screen. I'm glad u like it. I think it looks nice :D. Next, even though she wished to stop, I guess it was stupid to put it on huh, dresses aren't my thing.

Revve's side took a moment of silence, leaving Y/N the chance to start scraping again. She just couldn't stop no matter how badly she wanted.

I didn't think they were, you never showed any interest in dresses. Even so, I think they suit you. You look amazing. Do you know if you'd be comfortable wearing it in public?

Y/N snorts. Alone in a bathroom is one thing, but public a whole other that comes with anxiety, doubt and lack of privacy. I don't have anywhere to wear it, she responds. They went on dates sometimes, but wearing something more revealing could be an offer. She sighed, chest loosening. Revve wouldn't do that. He'd ask, but he wouldn't pressure, that's who she knows him as. Y/N sighed again, pinching the bridge of her nose. It wasn't sex itself Y/N was afraid of. She'd had that before, twice with a girl in her junior year of high school, but it had proved utterly disappointing. Granted, they were both virgins who didn't have a clue how to touch other's bodies. Still, it had left her with an utter lack of care towards sex, and she felt not the need to seek it till a Robotic had offered when she was a freshman in college. He'd been great, and the friends with benefits had actually ended well both times, that's how she liked it. The part that gave her weird tingles, and a clench in her chest, the part that gave aversion, is the new angle sex would have. With a romantic partner, it would have to mean more. It would have to mean more than she thought she was ready to admit.

Do you have any other pictures?

There's a couple of other dresses I haven't tried.

You should. My class starts very soon, I have to go. I'll miss talking to you.

The students (including Y/N) loved Revve, they had nothing to say about him but "great teacher" and "fair grader". With the contact over, Y/N took another look at herself. Her eyes flicked across her shoulders, her chest, unable to stay still as guilt bloated her stomach. Lifting her eyes to her face was a salmon swimming upstream, always trying, but always accompanied by a huge weight forcing them back.

Sure enough, Y/N's skin was splotched an angry, tomato red. It gleamed only because of the exposure of too new, raw skin. Flakes fell to the floor, drifting past her vision like snow when she moved her head. Her body, though, was nice. She went to get another dress.

In a half hour she'd tried on several outfits, and taken pictures of all of them. She sent a few pictures to Revve, moving to put the phone down before a beep surprised her.

My students are not feeling very student-y right now. I'm giving them a short break. Y/N smiled, shaking her head, but her mouth despondently down-turned at Revve's next message. Why are you hiding your face in them?? Two question marks, not a good sign. Worry isn't what he needs with a class in session.

Just trying a new photography style, it adds mystery.

Do you need me to come over? I can, it's alright.

No, u have class! Panicked tears threatened to spill from frightened eyes. Why didn't she add emojis? A text without emojis from Y/N is a sure-fire way to tell a wrong day, Revve knew that bright as day, had figured it out really rather quickly. Using emojis in these thralls of emotions just didn't feel right, however, and she'd forgotten to put them in. Her nails dug into her nose bridge, she blinked back blurry vision and wrangled, wrangled with a need. It would be selfish asking for help during his work time. Selfish, selfish, to even need help for this, only that isn't true she tells herself. It isn't true, but it feels true and that, forever, trumps her responses to everybody.

Her hands itched, her face hurt, and her fingers twitched. Y/N wanted nothing more than to tear all her skin off. Tear it off and throw it in the garbage.

Fingers knocked clumsily against her phone, trying a hurried I just don't like my face in photos, u know that.

Your face looks nice, too!

Tears slipped down her cheeks. Alright.

I mean it :). I'll come over in ten minutes, I won't be long. My class is rowdy today, it's okay.

Y/N slipped to the floor, cursing herself for the relief sprung from those words. She sat down, tears her only companion, but she got up and wet a towel, wet her face with the wet towel, hissing at the burn. Y/N got out of the dress and stood with hands gripping the sill, breathing in and out, deep like a yoga session. She grabbed a black shirt, a pair of smooth black pants, and waited, occasionally trying to fix up the damage to her face. It wasn't eight minutes till a knock pulled panic towards the surface of already-stirred waters. Y/N rubbed her hands and closed her eyes, drawing her hair over her ears to hide what little she could. The knock sounded again. "Is Y/N in here?" Revve's deep voice reverberated clear into the room, despite the door in his way.

Y/N's vocal cords, all they could manage under everything, was a stifled "I'm here."

"Can I be there?" He asked, voice low and sweet, almost teasing, if you looked past the skitter when he spoke. It was near indecipherable, but it was there. Y/N shook her head, got up, and walked to the door. She rested her head against the frame. The hands of a clock in someone's room ticked on, and on, and on.

"I don't want you to see me," Y/N whispered.

"I can turn my optics off."

Y/N's eyes stared sorrowfully at nothing. "No, you don't have to do that." Her hand reached for the knob, slowed by the screaming in her body, mind, her soul, screaming to run. "But thanks." The knob turned little by little, till the door clicked open and Y/N turned to walk anywhere but towards him. She wrapped her arms around herself while he followed steadily after.

"Did someone upset you?" His volume lowers, careful of an animal ready to flee.

Y/N shakes her head. "Not... It's..." She laughed, a bitter thing to hear. After several stumbled starts and stops, she simply motioned him to follow and went into her room. She'd been lucky enough to procure single-room dorms. In there, they sat upon the bed, but he did not touch her. It made her heart ache, but she did not know how to ask for it, even after all these months, so she rested her head against his shoulder and closed her eyes. Immediately a warmth permeated the air. It made her skin tingle, and that tingling spread till it gently ghosted over every inch of skin, a pleasant, invisible blanket. Y/N tilted her neck and smiled into Revve's armor. The hum of his fans filled the air, sweeter than a lullaby. His large body shifted to allow her more ease against him. Though he had no visible eyes, she knew he was looking down at her, and the thought was the most comfort she'd felt all day, yet it still made her want to shrink, because right now is the least time she wants to be looked at. "Do you want to tell me anything, web?" His hand came up, metallic fingers resting against Y/N's jawline.  She flinched and he pulled away.

He took to massaging her shoulders instead, to which she gladly leaned in, and like that they sat for near ten minutes, encompassed by the sound of his engines. She swallowed, took a breath, and said in a strained timbre, "I'm so tired."

"Y/N, I don't know what happened today, if something did happen, but I want to know. Please," he urged, "I want to help." His thumbs rubbed circles into the back of her neck. "I want to help, but I don't know how. You need to meet me halfway, even if only to tell me to shut up and stay here," he pleaded. His pistons whined and clanked, and his voice was soft and despaired.

Y/N's hand moved to Revve's, thumbing over the metal, but she couldn't help the call woven into her bones. Into her skin. It drew her fingers up and she began to subtly, lightly scratch at her skin, drawing with it a deep, looming sense of self-hatred. Revve's fingers quickly curled around Y/N's hand, engulfing it entirely. "You look beautiful," he breathed, voice glitching slightly, "you shouldn't be harming your skin, or any part of your body."

Y/N snorted. "I know that," she snapped. Her voice was suddenly too loud for the room, and too quickly brought to heat. Embarrassment swam in her stomach. "I know," she started again, quieter this time. "I know. I've tried to stop." She took a shuddering breath. "I've tried to stop so many times, but it never sticks." She closed her eyes, turned her head deeper into Revve's body. "I'm so tired. I want to tear all my skin off and throw it in the trash."

Revve traced his cool fingers against her jaw, running up and down, cupping her face so comfort clashed with her current hate. "I...I didn't..." Y/N blinked as a couple tears ran down silently. "I knew your skin was damaged occasionally, but I didn't realize it was this bad," Revve said. "How long has it been happening?"

"A long time," Y/N laughed. It wasn't a pleasant sound, more like if a rain cloud trying laughing. It came out more like thunder. "Since...Damn, since I was a mid teenager I think."

"Have you been to anyone?"

"No." The idea of a therapist, because there are for such conditions she'd learned years ago, never appealed as an option. To her teenage mind it seemed so frivolous, to be so distraught as to go for help for her appearance, and when she'd learned to go beyond that more, she'd been too grown and stuck with other responsibilities to bother setting time to go.

Revve made a sound, then stopped. He idled for a few minutes, then said "It's amazing. Even with what's happened to your skin, you still look gorgeous." More tears ran down. Y/N shook her head. "It's too true for you to deny, you know." His voice took on a happy, fluffy tone. "You still look amazing to me. You jaw," his fingers kept moving along her jawbone, "your nose," and here they moved up, one finger gently scratching the bridge of Y/N's nose, and so on, till he'd named every part of her face and so cradled each part. A warm hum sung across Y/N's chest. For a minute, she let herself believe him. Believe that she looked, truly, beautiful to someone. Perhaps she could even look beautiful to herself. But then the feeling began to sink, and all that was left was the painful ache of her face. "I know you don't believe it," Revve stated. "I can see it even on our dates, and when mirrors catch you on some days. Not always," a thoughtful hum entered his voice. "Sometimes you look into mirrors you pass and you smile. It truly makes me feel great to see you prideful of yourself. It gives me this warmth and great joy, because I know it isn't easy for you, even though you deserve self-love enough to fill the moon." His head bent down, rubbed against Y/N's hair. "I know you deserve more than what you give yourself. I think you know that, too."

Y/N's sniffled. It was true. Part of the self-hate was borne from the fact she knows she deserves better than what she gives herself. She was better, she could smile into mirrors now. She was fine with flaws she used to hate. She'd gotten better, but she still had days like this. Y/N stared at nothing, eyes wet and puffy. She'd gotten better, and she'd still get better, she reasoned. With Revve, it somehow felt more possible than it'd ever felt before. Maybe, just maybe, he could help her get through.

He wrapped his arms around her slim body. "Whether you have a bad day like this, or the best day of your life, you'll always be radiant to me. You're as radiant as light, refracted against dew clinging to webs in the morning air. I'm going to help you see that," he declared. "You're going to get help, Y/N.”

Y/N smiled, an odd, rushing feeling suddenly lifting her tears to true laughter for the first time that day. It might have been the dedication in his voice, the poetry of his words, the hands calming her body or the heart in his actions, or the trust built between them, that somehow, somehow made it all seem possible. Y/N had gotten better on her own, but now she didn't have to. Revve would be there. Someone would truly, really be there.

She'd get better. She'd learn to love herself. With him beside her, it felt more than possible. It felt like a certainty.

[darspeaksout]

The Longest Dream

On a random Saturday morning, I woke up on the highest floor of an apartment building. My partner was laying next to me. Taking me in his arms, I felt the warmth of his body pressed against mine. The bedroom window which led to the balcony presented us with a view of the city that spread into the distance. Roads leading to condominiums, office spaces, skyscrapers, and the CN Tower far away.

We remained in each other's embrace, exchanging kisses and warm words as the sunlight poured abundantly into the room. To be happily in love with a man in the comfort of our own privacy, to receive this love without any shame or guilt, is something I thought would never be possible for me.

THE PAST

It was over a decade ago when I was a student, crying in a hotel room that I was sharing with some other guys in my grade. Word had gotten out about my sexual orientation and for three long years, I had watched my core group of friends dwindle, one person at a time. Which is why when I joined the out-of-province trip to Quebec, I found myself feeling alone in the hotel room despite sharing it with three guys, and wandering the streets of Old Montreal by myself while the rest of them went off exploring together. Every local shop, sidewalk, statue, and church we visited, I was alone. Physically, my classmates were there. Emotionally, nobody was.

I understood my lonesome expedition to this culturally different province to be my punishment for not being heterosexual, and for letting that fact get out. In my little kid brain, this trip to Quebec taught me that the price of being honest about myself was loneliness and exclusion. I learned that if I wanted people to stay, I needed to be more discreet. I needed to downplay any feminine attributes, or better, eliminate them entirely. I needed to make friends with guys to prove I was still one of them, but not get too close as to arouse suspicion that there was a possibility for romantic attraction. I needed to change myself in order to feel like a successfully integrated boy-becoming-man. I wanted respect, which I would later discover would come at the cost of my authentic self. And so began my future of pretending to be someone I wasn't.

I never talked about that Quebec trip until now. I felt like I had no right to feel upset especially considering that at that age, it was a privilege and a luxury because not every student could afford to go. I spent most nights weeping than I did laughing. I was counting down the remaining days because I wanted it to end. Even though in our hotel room there were two king-sized beds, the three guys I was rooming with all slept on the other one because they wanted to avoid me. I never told my parents this.

There's a guilt that comes with privilege, it's the guilt of feeling like your pain isn't valid because someone always has it worse. Yes, I was bullied. But it was all words and no one ever put their hands on me. Yes, I felt alone. But I was alone while traveling, compared to some students who felt alone and were stuck where they were. This is what I told myself. I should just deal with it.

Suffice it to say that as a kid, I didn't allow myself the space to be upset, to grieve loss, to feel anything. And because I didn't allow myself to feel pain, I couldn't feel joy either. The joy would always be accompanied with guilt. Self-hatred and guilt, or happiness and guilt. Always guilty and never fully living. Even on the days when it wasn't so bad, deep down I felt I didn't deserve to have these moments of peace.

So when it was time to graduate from elementary school and I took home all the academic awards, I couldn't feel proud of myself. What right did I have to feel good when I'd lost most of my friends upon their discovering that I was not straight? Because I was gay, it caused my best friend to distance himself from me. Because I was gay, my friend who was dating my best friend started to become suspicious that I would develop feelings for him. It was my fault they left, I told myself. There was something wrong with me that they couldn't stand to be around. I was the problem.

At graduation, I remember the first award I won was religion. The teacher who stood next to me on stage whispered not to return to my seat just yet. I was confused but then it made sense when they announced my name for the next award. And for the next one. And for the next four. The award goes to Darwin and to Darwin and to Darwin and to Darwin. The room filled with cheers and applause. And each time they called my name, it was humiliating.

I remember putting my head down. People might have thought I was doing it out of humility, but I was actually doing it out of shame because deep down I knew the price I paid for this success was the loss of myself and the loss of acceptance from my peers. When the ceremony concluded, I didn't receive a single "congratulations" from anyone in my graduating class. What hurt most was the people who I considered myself to be closest with didn't congratulate me either. Even though we'd fallen out by then, part of me was hoping they would find it in themselves to be happy for me. I think if I'd had at least one person in my corner, it wouldn't have been as painful.

It was from this experience that I associated my success with people's resentment. You would think this would've discouraged me from further excelling in my education. Quite the opposite - since people wanted nothing to do with me anyway because of my sexual orientation, whether or not I was academically gifted had no effect on their decision to avoid me. I poured my energy into my schoolwork going into high school and all throughout university, which did serve me well. But I felt alone for most of it.

At the school trip, I was an outcast and I had no awards. At graduation, I had awards but was still an outcast. I received the same treatment when I had nothing and when I had something to be proud of. And yet I couldn't be proud of myself. I learned that as long as I'm gay, no one will find it in themselves to be happy for me. If this was my reality then I didn't want to wake up to it. In hindsight, that period of my life was so lonely I wanted nothing more than to sleep forever. To be stuck dreaming good things and stop living in the real world sounded blissful. I was a child then so I wasn't familiar with the word "suicidal," but it's what I felt.

THE PRESENT

Fast forward eleven years later, and life couldn't be any more different. My university diploma hangs gloriously on the wall of my living room, next to my brother's. I wake up to the sound of my parents chatting in the dining room. They ask me what my plans are for the weekend; I tell them I'm driving a couple hours away to visit my partner. They tell me to stay safe and to text me when I get there.

And when I do, we have the whole apartment to ourselves. This time, no one is avoiding sharing the same bed with me. The morning after, we sleep in and drive to the city for brunch. Hands intertwined over the aroma of eggs and coffee, I tell him this: "I never thought this would be possible for me." He tells me he feels the same.

Every local shop, statue, square, and park, we're together. And when I look at my life, I realize I laugh more than I cry these days. I count my loved ones instead of my lost ones. While it's true that having him in my life makes it more fulfilling, it doesn't mean I was an incomplete person prior to the relationship. I'd made the decision to like myself and to enjoy my own company even when I was single. I'd go downtown by myself, visit museums, eat at restaurants, and go on late night drives to various places. The difference between wandering alone as a kid in Quebec and wandering alone as a single adult, is that as a kid I was alone and hated who I was. But as a single adult, I was alone and learned to accept and to appreciate myself. Which means that now that I'm in a relationship, I accept, appreciate, and love myself, and I have someone to accept, appreciate, and love in return. A relationship adds to a person's existence; it does not complete it.

And because I've reached this milestone of self-acceptance, I can revisit that day in my childhood when I won those awards and truly claim that I deserved it, because I did.

I have graduated. Not only from the subject material taught to me in school, but from the experiences I endured as a student there. I've graduated from homophobia, self-hatred, loneliness, exclusion, and bullying. Adults will tell you that school is a place of learning, and if that's the case, I'll tell you that life outside of school is a place of unlearning. Unlearning trauma and unhealthy, destructive ways of thinking. Unlearning the defense mechanisms we had to adopt as children in order to deal with the teachers who didn't enforce respect and the kids who felt entitled to take advantage of their leniency. Unlearning the idea that in order to consider myself as a worthy human being, I needed to be accepted by everyone. If I even have to ask for acceptance, then I'm asking the wrong people.

It's ironic that the place where I experienced such pain is only a five-minute walk away from my childhood home. Whenever I'd drive past, I'd steal a glance searching for the little kid version of myself playing during recess, running around freely, ignorant to the fact that his social world would crumble in a few years. I felt an anticipating doom for that child. Life as he knew it would be no longer. Now whenever I drive by, I don't bother glancing because there's nothing more to look at. I've taken what I needed from that time of my life that was elementary school, acknowledged that it's contributed greatly to how I've developed, retained what was useful and discarded what wasn't, and in doing so, have moved on. There's no need to look back.

That school is like a time capsule of my former world and of the person I used to be. In terms of physical proximity, it's near. But in terms of time, it's as distant as a foreign country. And since I've changed internally by unlearning self-destructive mindsets and habits, my external world has changed too. Although I've lived in the same place for most of my life, it doesn't feel the same because I've changed for the better.

Occasionally, I'll have flashbacks of the bullying that took place on the school's playground. It'll be at random times when I'm making coffee, going to the grocery store, or commuting to work. I'll think back to that tearful night in Quebec as I slept by myself on that large bed and how I wandered alone on the cobblestoned streets during the day. But because it happened a long time ago and because I've changed drastically since, it feels like it happened to a different person entirely. And when I remember that it happened to my younger self, I feel that it was only a bad dream which, while I was in it felt eternal, in reality didn't last long. The longest dream of my life came to an end. I eventually woke up and saw that real life wasn't so bad.

REAL LIFE

"Good morning," my partner says softly. Sunlight enters the window. My eyes adjust to the contours of his face. He asks how I slept.

"I slept well and even dreamed a little," I say.

"Really?"

"Yeah." I run my fingers through his hair, savoring the moment, remembering life wasn't always like this. It took a lot of time, work, and patience. As he's in front of me, I feel joy and nothing else. No guilt, no shame. This is bliss - being in the presence of love, and being in the absence of everything that is not. The things I thought were impossible became possible for me.

"I hope it was a good dream," he says, giving me a kiss.

"It was alright." In his eyes, I see the reflection of the person I grew to love. It's only because I grew to love him that I can love my partner. "But you know what? I'd rather be awake."

THE END