#and I want a resolution for dean and cas and I would be happy to see them together (if they don't fuck it up)

[scoobydoodean]

Some of you are still not getting this.

For the destiel shippers out there: Dean Winchester dies bloody and alone and drives around for decades and doesn’t give a shit about seeing Cas even knowing he’s in heaven somewhere—which was the ending of the actual show—is zero amount less horrifying than Dean Winchester alive and the exact same thing happens.

People who are scared of the idea of more Supernatural. What exactly are you afraid of. Sam with a slightly better hairline? Cas going to mega superhell? Blurry wife is actually Eileen's sister? They'll murder Dean again?

[inneedofsupervision]

Vis's Tickle-Fic Recommendations

Do you sometimes find yourself on this site, scrolling and searching for fics, thinking you have probably read everything your favorite fandom has to offer when it comes to tickle fanfics? Well, you might be right, that could be the case. But there's also the possibility that you missed something. Sometimes, even the most impressive works don't show up, thanks to many factors that we don't always have an influence over. This list contains several writers and their works that have left a great impression on me and which I would recommend to others. If you are searching for tickle fanfics that are very well written, fluffy, sometimes silly (in the best way possible), detailed, or put a smile on your face, maybe you should check out this list. You might find something you haven't read before or find a beloved favorite to re-read.

Disclaimer; As mentioned, this list is purely based on fanfics I have read, of fandoms I am into, and that I (personally) enjoyed. It might not be to everyone's taste.

I have not listed the fics or writers in any particular order. I selected some works of each writer but most of them have written so much more so please check out their other works too.

Links are provided to help you find the blog, fanfics or the corresponding Ao3/Fanfic.net account.

The List will be updated with time (if I have found more stuff to recommend).

Check out the writers and their works under the cut!

@derdunkleengel

Her works are the first contact I had with tickle fanfics and the reason why I write tickle fanfics myself. Reading her fanfics, you can feel the amount of work she puts into every sentence. You'll find long, high-quality fics containing detailed reactions and much adoration for all the characters. She has posted works of many different fandoms and has much to offer. You should definitely check her Fanfic.net Account and Tumblr out.

Recommendations:

Venom

Have a very Happy New Year (Eddie and Venom)

The Bet (Eddie and Venom)

A strange weakness (Eddie and Venom)

Just relax Eddie (Eddie and Venom)

New Year's resolutions (Eddie and Venom)

Guardians of the Galaxy

Captain teaches a lesson ( Peter and Yondu)

Scared of Aliens, boy? (Peter and Yondu)

That is what friends are there for (Peter, Gamora and Mantis)

Supernatural

No more bible talk Cas (Castiel and Dean)

The Happy Button (Adam, Lucifer and Michael)

Wrestling with an Angel (Castiel and Dean)

Even Angel are Ticklish (Castiel, Sam and Dean)

Sensitive Knees (Sam, Castiel and Dean)

I'll show you how to have fun (Sam and Gabriel)

Also writes for/ has written for: Hazbin Hotel, Iron Man, The Legends of Zelda, Grey's Anatomy, Game of Thrones, Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, Lucifer and many more!

@littlelovelyspiderling

Here we are with another writer who goes all in at every fanfic they work on. If you're into long fanfics with not only tickles, fluff, and friendship but also want some well-thought-through plot, detailed reactions, and descriptive writing that pulls you into the story, you're at the right place. You do not only find them on Tumblr, but they also own an Ao3 Account you should check out too.

Recommendations:

Spider-Man / The Avengers

A Sinister Situation (Peter and the Sinister Six)

Dailed to Eleven (Peter and Tony)

Interrogation (Peter, Scott, Steve, and Bucky)

Tickle Monsters (Peter, Sam and Bucky)

ATLA (Avatar the last Airbender)

The Competition (Zuko, Aang, Toph, Katara and Sokka)

Mending (Zuko, Aang, Toph, Katara and Sokka)

Legacy (Zuko and Iroh)

Also writes non-tickle fanfics like their SpideyTorch Fanfic "Meeting the Real You". If you are into SpideyTorch and love long fanfics you should check it out.

@amazingmsme

The following two fics left a great impression on me, I absolutely adore them. Sadly I'm not into any of the other fandoms, but you should defenitely check this blog if the fandoms mentioned below are what you are into. This blog has a lot of fics, drabbles and prompts to over and is very active, there is a lot of content (not only t-fics) to check out!

Recommendations

Spider-Man / The Avengers

Avenger Hazing (Peter, Bucky and Sam)

Swatting More Than Flies (Peter, Bucky and Sam)

Also writes/wrote for: New Girl, Spies are Forever, Umbrella Academy, Marvel, Stranger Things and more!

@cantwritethetword

If you're looking for fanfics with the topics of friendship, banter, playfulness and of course the tickles, Crow's blog might offer you the perfect deal with all of that. You can read his works on his Ao3 Account too!

Recommendations

Marvel (Daredevil, Avengers, Spidey etc)

Good Vibrations (Matt and Foggy)

Blind Man's Bluff (Matt and Foggy)

Shenanigans (Tony, Steve and Bucky)

Show Me What You Got! (Peter and Quentin)

Don't Stop Believing (Steve, Bucky and Thor)

This is a prompt I really like so no title (Peter and Bucky)

Every Hero Has An Achilles Heel (Steve, Bucky and Peter)

Also writes /wrote for: Heartstopper, DC, Merlin, Moon Knight. Doctor Who and many more!

@lovemybluebully

You might have caught onto my obsession with Marvel tickle fanfics... But how can I stop when there are writers like @lovemybluebully, who create one masterpiece after another? They know how to catch the essence of every character. They are also active on Fanfic.net, so check that out.

Recommendations

Venom

Apologize!! (Eddie and Venom)

Is This a Joke? (Eddie and Venom)

Let's Be Lazy (Eddie and Venom)

Share Or Die (Eddie and Venom)

Deadpool & Wolverine

It's for Science (Logan and Wade)

Over My Dead Body (Logan and Wade)

How To Pet A Wolverine (Logan and Wade)

A Small Lapse of Judgement (Wade and Logan)

Also writes/wrote for: X-Men, Overwatch and Punisher!

@berrys-hide-out

A new writer who knows how to write fluff and playfullness very well. The following two fics never fail to make me smile. Does also likes to create OCs and also writes non-tickle fics.

Recommendations

Break time, webbing and play time (Peter and Tony)

Run (Peter and Loki)

Also writes/wrote for: All Saints Street, Eighty Six 86, Genshin Impact and more!

[winchester-reload]

I have a few thoughts about the Winchesters finale, and though I wasn’t gonna weigh in on this, it turns out I needed to write this down to get it out of my head, so here we go.

I understand that Misha was approached to be included on the show and that there was a “scheduling conflict” that included multiple conversations with Jensen. Here’s my interpretation of that: 

I believe Cas was supposed to make a cameo in episode 13 to tee up the confession resolution—this was always the episode where they were going to crack open the “surprise twist” even before learning they would only get 13 episodes total. In the original scenario, episode 13 would have been the hellatus episode rather than a finale, leaving room for everything to come to a head with episode 22 instead. It’s then they would have given us the actual Dean and Cas reunion. This would have wrapped both stories nicely with each group going off into their own respective sunsets—their own happy endings, while still leaving all the room for the new crew to explore more seasons; all along, we see, The Winchesters was about Dean and Cas as much as it was about Mary and John.

When they didn’t get the back half of the season picked up, I assume they feared it would be more dangerous to show a Cas cameo without getting to address the confession, so Misha likely opted to be left out instead. With the only hint to Cas being Dean’s line that he was looking for his family when he found the Akrida, then directly drawing the parallel that Jack and Bobby were “family.” The core crew for Dean has always been Bobby, Sam, Jack, AND Cas. And he wasn’t looking for Sam because he was still on earth. So who’s left? You might be compelled to believe he was window shopping AU versions of his parents, but he confirms he ran into the Akrida in this world and then sought to interfere with the order by approaching John in an effort to prevent it from spreading to Sam's world. (Why Cas would be AU hopping, idk. The boy is really afraid of being shot down, I guess.)

It goes far to explain the vast narrative parallels we saw reflected in the Monster Club crew if it was intended as a setup for the confession payoff. It honestly doesn’t make a lot of sense otherwise. There’s no reason these people should be living Dean's experiences and regrets every episode unless the writers wanted the viewer to be thinking about the lessons and resolutions in how they relate to Dean too.

Additionally, as this has been a largely uncontested take, this is Jensen's well-funded fanfic come to life. Complete with the embracing of many of our favorite fanfic tropes and emphasized by Dean’s own words throughout the season. Because this is an obvious embrace of that “write your own story” fan side, I believe the reason Dean couldn’t even say Cas’ name in the episode is because they were going to change the spelling from “Cass” as it was in the show proper to the fan-adopted (and more accurate) spelling of “Cas,” which would have appeared in the subtitles and later the script pages.  And even that little thing right there would have been a huge giveaway to the whole game. And a very dangerous thing to do if there wasn’t going to be enough time for follow-through. 

But the truth is, this isn’t a game for many people, and the harm that can be caused by good intentions is just as real. It also begs the question: why should this be so difficult? The answer is it’s not. Edging forever isn’t fun. It’s torture. I understand there’s an art to storytelling, but your audience is weary, and trust has been violated too many times. Even still, the flip side of that coin is honest to god respect for DeanCas endgame means taking the story and the reveal seriously. It’s a tightrope walk. And one that Robbie somehow managed to keep balanced after the finale, without it falling either way.  Also we also need to consider the possibility that Jensen did pitch a full-on destiel love story spin-off but got shot down, opting to couch it in a more CW-branded world instead. He’s mentioned over half a dozen pitches were rejected. It's up to you whether you want to give him the benefit of the doubt on that.

But, I’m gonna be honest here, I don’t know that we will ever get that resolution we crave. Even Robbie confirmed The Winchesters were always meant to “go it alone” after the first season. It’s hard to imagine Dean popping in there to fuck around again after that handoff. But the dude is clearly a very restless sea-faring*, swoopy-haired mofo right now, so I’ll leave that one up to the SPN multiverse and the new Mr. Superwholock’s magical universe-traveling impala. (This show used to be about what again? *looks at notes*.) And FWIW, if they do get green-lit for a whole second season or are allowed to move networks, I believe a good-faith effort will be made to tie the narrative parallels we saw in season one to some real Dean and Cas resolution. If there gets to be a world where John *might* not turn into an abusive dick, then this possibility has to be true too.

For the record, I enjoyed The Winchesters, all the new characters, and the doors the finale opened for the possibility of more. I would have been fine half-watching it with no promises, empty head no thoughts, but I got my clown** suit on again, and though I mostly kept quiet, unlike last time, I did regrettably manage to drag a few friends down with me yet again.  Though the spec sessions were epic, and we did get some art out of it—it still rocks the boat when the base level expectations were only 1. Dean alive, and 2. seeing Cas again. 

But for anyone, like me, upset by the (likely unintentional) Cas-baiting or anyone still reeling about why this stuff can hit so hard, here’s an interesting article about the way our brains respond to fictional characters. Tl;dr: There’s nothing wrong with you. This is science. And while you’re at it, take a look at this article about the very real power of disenfranchised grief over character loss.

Ramble on, fam. And take care of yourselves.

<3 Jackie

*Um hi he appears as a sailor? Literally, on a show with a story Dean is writing whose audience is looking for a resolution to a conversation between two people who’re famously the “most shipped” characters of all time? That’s not an accident. That’s intentional. And it’s another reason why there might be a bitter taste in your mouth. These nods came without resolution, so it still feels dirty, despite the brilliant Easter egg.

**I hesitate to say “clown” here because the lesson on episode 12 was that the clowns were the ones who chose a self-induced limbo rather than face some personal hard revelations. That sounds more like a certain closeted character than it does the people cheering him on, and that felt like an intentional nod too.

***obviously, this is my own rambling spec as I try to reorder my thoughts in the wake of the finale.

[eisforeidolon]

Hellers are twisting Jensen's words around because they don't like what he said,

"He doesn't think Cas's confession is something that needs to be solved. Cas said what he needed to say. It was a long time coming, it was heartfelt and beautiful. But there's nothing to solve. Dean took it in and then lost one of his closest allie and friend. The acceptance of that happened when Dean sat on the floor. He lost one of his brothers in arms and one of his closest people. When they come back, it just understood."

First, a sampling of posts with screenshots and links of some of the creative reinterpretations they're already self-soothing with, for context: [X][X][X]

It's bad enough now, because we already knew they were obsessed with cherry-picking things completely out of context and twisting themselves in knots to insist D/C, a totally real most epic romance ever was obviously happening off-screen the whole time. Because that's totally how storytelling works!🙄 So why wouldn't they insist Jensen saying Castiel's dying blather doesn't need a resolution means Dean already turned into the YA romance protagonist from their fanfic realized he was totes in lurve with the angel and reciprocated offscreen! See, no resolution needed! The thing is, though, I believe Purcon is one that has a stricter video policy so I expect this to end up even more broken-telephoned in a couple of months when there's no video to dispute whatever they're making up by that point, which I expect to be pretty wild.

What Jensen reportedly said fits exactly into what Castiel actually said in Misha & Beren's tapdancing on the line of legit queerbaiting the audience Castiel's goodbye speech. The whole climactic reason the Empty could come take the angel away was because he realized that just ~*feeling feelings*~, without having anything come of it, was enough. Regardless of whether you interpret those feelings as romantic love or the kind of all-encompassing self-sacrificing love the Winchesters have, feeling that way about somebody is happiness in itself (even if they don't feel that way about you). So yeah, whatever kind of love you read that to mean? There's nothing to inherently resolve there. Castiel put his feelings out in the universe, and Dean listened and moved on with his life. The thing that was "a long time coming" was Castiel's resolving his struggles as an angel living among humans trying to understand emotions and friendship. It's "clear text" that Castiel said I love you (whatever kind of love you interpret that to be).

Hellers are the only ones who desperately need there to have to be a resolution to that scene, because the only interpretation in which a followup would be necessary? Would be if Castiel's speech was romantic AND Dean also had romantic feelings. They can pretend they suddenly don't understand what a resolution is or that one magically (like the entire rest of their supposedly canon ship) happened off-screen so it'll be already happening in the revival as much as they want. It doesn't change what the scene actually was or what Jensen actually said, any more than the rest of their waffle ever has. They're just happily lying to themselves and each other all over again, setting themselves back up for more eternal disappointment. It's like a Peanuts comic strip, except they are both Charlie and Lucy with the show and creators as the football.

They want to crow about Jensen not explicitly saying the scene wasn't about romantic love somehow being him changing his mind (again), but that's absurd. He knows some people interpret Castiel's feelings as romantic and are very invested in the angel being a queer character. Putting aside whether what's in the text deserves that, going out of his way to tell them they're wrong about someone else's character? Would be a really bad look given the sensitivity of the topic. And he doesn't need to do it anyway, because whatever Castiel's ~*feelings*~ are, it says nothing about what Dean does or doesn't feel. Which he directly says is that Dean lost "one of his closest allies" "one of his best friends" "a brother in arms" "one of the closest people to him". It's pretty clear - if you don't tie yourself in knots pretending he's sending you secret signals about what he REALLY means if you only listen to half the words he said.

[angelinthefire]

Thinking about what my perfect ending for Dean and Cas would be, and it would be something like a cross between the godot fic and iyb. Like Dean and Cas both are immortal beings, driving across America forever, and they don't have to save the world anymore, but they do keep saving people. Like angels, or patron saints, or knights. And a mythology builds up about them, they become an urban legend, like they themselves are ghosts. And the thing is, it's not like work for them. It's just a way of being. They have time to relax and enjoy themselves too. But the job is never done, there's always something else beyond the horizon that they're chasing.

And I feel in my soul like this is an ending that I'd be happy with. But then I'm also like, what makes it an ending? What makes it a resolution? Why is it different from the entire preceding 15 years?

And like maybe this isn't fair, but I do feel like on the level of basic vibes:

Dean driving around with Sam forever: boring, oppressive, the impala is a cage

Dean driving around with Cas forever: freeing, unlimited, the car is like their wings and it opens up the world to them.

Maybe that's my bias speaking. But I also think that it is due to the difference between the relationships. Sam is Dean's brother and he loves him but Sam is also his responsibility and his job. Dean and Cas' relationship is built on the choices they made.

Like Dean and Sam driving around forever keeps both of them trapped in the roles they were raised in. Dean and Cas on a journey together can keep discovering new things about themselves, they can keep developing and growing.

But anyways. I feel like one of the big things about Dean and Cas' relationship is that it's a journey, for each of them to find out who they can be as individuals, and finding out what they can be to each other. And I wouldn't want that journey to ever end. That's the main thing.

[thegeminisage]

76 for broken road please!!

76. Did you have any ideas that didn’t make the final cut of [Fanfic Name]? 

actually, most of what i wanted got into broken road! i'm really happy about that. there were only a few things i didn't quite have room for:

john & mary resolution. i left it pretty ambiguous so everyone could imagine their own ending, because i just couldn't decide what felt right. but it feels like a little bit of a cop-out, you know? ultimately though it was just out of the scope of this fic

and speaking of things out of the scope of this fic...since it's a fix-it fic, i was sad that i couldn't bring back eileen. they fridged her for absolutely NO reason whatsoever and i'm mad about it. like, yes, samwena is great and fun, but i like them equally as friends, and i LOVED sam and eileen...but it would have required SO much more work (and words!) to make it feel earned and this fic is already over the 100k limit

similarly, i would have liked to include pov from mary and sam, and go deeper into their issues with each other. it's a four-person family! john got time with sam, mary, and dean, and dean got time with sam, mary, and john, but by virtue of excluding these two povs they didn't get much meaningful stuff hashed out between themselves. again, this was due to size and scope. it would have been another 50k at least, maybe even another 100k. additionally, the bad guy of this story - michael - doesn't tie into their stories as well as he does with dean & john, so whatever work i did with them would not have had the climax that dean and john had. if anything, there needs to be some kind of roleswap broken road fic where we do the same thing with mary and sam but they're playing whack-a-mole with lucifer instead and eileen is the love interest that survives despite all odds. i'm never going to write it, so this is an open invitation, lol.

believe it or not, there was originally a scene where dean taught jack to play pool. in the original version of this fic, which was gen and not dean/cas (i thought i didn't have room, but after nov 5...), they left the bunker a lot more. (actually, by the end of writing it, i was a little frustrated with how little they seemed to need to leave it for all the melodrama to happen! i wish i could have varied my scenery more.) so, prior to the sex scene in ch3, when dean confides in cas about his complex feelings about john - this originally happened at a bar, or some other place with pool tables - maybe there was a pool table in the bunker, lol. dean would teach jack a few things about pool and talk to him about john. (this ultimately became the conversation they had during the hatchet man movies.) sam, mary, cas, and john would come in, and cas would jerk his head at dean so they could talk semi-privately at the bar or in the corner to tell dean how the mission went. john would move to teach jack how to hold a pool stick, cas would become alarmed, and dean would stop him from interfering. john would play Good Dad and teach jack a couple of tricks without doing anything horrible (i think at this point he either didn't know what jack was or was less bothered by it), and dean and cas would both relax. and then dean would go on to say the same things he said in ch3 about john being good to him, just...without the sex. that all got moved around - due to the urgency of dean's situation, which was necessary to build tension, we didn't have time for as many quiet moments like this. i replaced pool with hatchet man because it was necessary for dean to be restrained, and i love the hatchet man episode, and also because john going "we all do bad things sometimes" was in my opinion unequivocally hilarious. after i decided to do dean/cas after all, i instantly pictured this conversation moving to the car - you absolutely cannot have their first time be anywhere else - and that was that. history and memes were made.

thank you for asking actually!! that was so much more than i realized i still had in my brain, lol. i'm really happy that people still think about broken road so often after the fact, it makes me warm and fuzzy.

[ASK MEME]

[seenthisepisode]

Frankly I don’t think TW would have been made if Misha wasn’t up to returning. I mean sure Dean has a lot of emotional issues to resolve on his own, but Cas is the biggest one/one of the biggest ones, so creating a show to resolve his issues without directly addressing Cas (eventually) just doesn’t make sense; I don’t think Jensen would have gone through all this hard work to create the show to leave that unspoken. Whether Misha is *willing* to return vs *happy* to return is another issue, but a) I don’t think he has to worry about being abused this time since Jensen is fully in charge and wouldn’t let that happen, and b) even if 15x18 kind of wrapped up the bulk of Cas’ story/journey, he still needs a better final resolution (for once he needs to be told that he’s loved too gdi) and I think Misha champions Cas enough to agree with that as well.

Hi Anon! yeah well that's what i've been telling myself too, because yes to all you said. of course cas is dean's biggest unresolved issue. his unfinished business. and ours. and seeing their reunion would be finally healing, and even jensen was like. "i hope we will see that someday" and "i hope it would go how everyone thinks it would go" and "we need to talk about that goodbye" and i have this feeling in my bones that jensen. kind of. wants to film it. i am basing it on vibes only and i might be wrong of course. and i know misha wouldn't just say no if he doesn't have a good reason to do so (like being busy with other projects). But i also can't shake my fear that he is, like you said. He might be willing to do so (for Jensen, for Danneel, for the fans) but he might not be happily willing to jump on that occasion (because he didn't. he declined. he was busy. but you know).

[autisticandroids]

gonna put my director's commentary under a cut because it's crazy long

first of all. i would like to thank @restlesshush for jack stuff, @davidfosterwallaceandgromit for pointing out the concept and coining the phrase "angel conflict resolution skills", @an-android-in-a-tutu, @pregstiel, and @hauntedpearl for being relentless cheerleaders, and @hauntedpearl and @restlesshush also for getting on my ass to add subtitles.

so. this video. lots of things. the first thing i want to say is that this video really... exists in relation to, or in the context of, four other videos.

the first is my pretty little head video. this is actually the most direct link because like... a few weeks after i made that video i decided i just fucking hated it. like i was not satisfied with what i had managed to convey. it was too unfocused, it wasn't doing what i wanted it to. which is a tall order, because what i wanted it to do was... convey my entire cas thesis. also, frankly, i got better video editing software after i made it and am now kind of embarrassed at how out of rhythm it is due to the vicissitudes of my old software.

but anyway, as a result of this dissatisfaction, i actually came up with this (love club) video concept and started outlining it, in september of 2021. if you're counting that's literally more than a year and a half ago. it's been sitting in my brain and my google docs ever since. i essentially invested so much emotional energy in this one video that i was both too intimidated technically to make it and also worried it wouldn't come out right, which is why i didn't make it for a year and a half. but i'm pretty happy with how it came out! part of the problem was that i was simply trying to put too much into one video, which leads me to...

this video to your love is a drug, which is like. a kind of spiritual companion to the love club video. i made it essentially out of plans i had for the love club video that weren't working out? like, it's crucial to show the hypnotically pleasurable nature of cas' experience in order to make a discussion on cas' tendency towards falling into cults and authoritarian and abusive situations work. and while the second verse of the love club video does kind of do that? there's not enough focus on it. so i did a whole separate video on the topic. ideally they should be watched together i think. and i guess i should actually commentate that video a little before going further.

#spn#vid#i may come back and reblog with some meta but for now. director's commentary in the tags#this one is pretty straightforward. it's even MORE straight forward if you've seen my pretty little head amv#since this is basically 'pretty little head amv [cheerful version]'#anyway. this is MOSTLY about cas being in love with dean. but there's some stuff in there about like cas accepting dean as his god#and like why that happened. obviously cas is kind of an unreliable narrator here he's not exactly thinking straight#so there's a lot of stuff here that's about the narrative cas tells himself. which isn't necessarily or even likely to be true#so like for example the reason he accepted dean as his god was bc of like. godstiel trauma basically. and he really hasn't unpacked that#anyway the other slightly more complex theme in here is that cas looooves that dean is a serial killer &lt;3#cas voice you hurt people? you hurt people for me? you hurt other people and then you treat me so tender? [tongue emoji]#of course cas is wrong in assuming that dean is only interested in hurting OTHER people. but cas' secret weapon is of course#that he doesn't care. he'll get off on that too. cas can get off on anything#anyway the last three hours of me editing this were basically just like.#god this show is so ugly *turns saturation sliders all the way up* he's in love bitch let's get you some COLORS#also there's a secret prank hidden in this video which is of course that the song (your love is a drug by puffy) has the same guitar riff#as that one direction song. the famous one. but your love is a drug came first so.#oh and special thanks to pallas leo elisabeth cy and the cas whump chat. all of whom consulted on this video#also did you guys enjoy the sam live slug reaction moment. i enjoyed it.

^those are the original tags. the your love is a drug video is fairly straightforward in that it's mostly, essentially, dean touching cas and cas enjoying it in various ways, or just dean behaving in ways that spin cas' head (mostly either affectionately or violently; sometimes both). but there's a few moments i want to draw attention to.

first of all there's a throughline about cas' season five/six crisis of faith; it goes from on the head of a pin "i still serve god" to his theologically mediated hangover in 99 problems to his self-destructiveness in point of no return. i used to see the world as dark is him calling god a son of a bitch in dark side of the moon intercut with the eventual distant result of that development, the carnage of meet the new boss. now everyday the sunshine's in my heart over honey cas, when cas' response to trauma was to drown himself in false happiness (and this is also the start of his habit of desperately flinging himself into following any order or higher power he can; more on i saw the route of flowers later). you lift me up as dean literally supporting his weight at the end of meet the new boss, standing in as a symbol of how post-godstiel cas eschews agency and allows dean (and others as well, but this video is about his relationship with dean) to make his decisions for him because he no longer trusts himself, or at least, he no longer trusts himself to set wider goals.

and then there's a few other moments that i feel like need pointing out. make my worries obsolete over cas' initial rebellion is absolutely about the fact that cas is willingly sacrificing himself there, he's willingly dying (and the fact that the reason he's willing isn't really rational, he was knock[ed] off his feet) which matters because that's also like. a theme in this love club amv.

then of course there's the way in your love is a drug cas recontextualizes cruelty through the pleasure he gains from it. dean is awful to cas in holy terror (and immediately before it), but also dean smiled at him in that bar and that's all that sticks. we've talked to death the shitty nature of dean's apology in the trap, but that's another one in here, all is forgiven in the end because dean hugged him. (there's also all of the violence but that's more complex; while that is cas being harmed and forgiving dean the harm, there is something appealing about the violence as itself) this is also the purpose of i know i'll never shake the stuff over dean showing up in heaven can't wait: this is the point where cas realizes it's just... impossible to hold anything against dean. dean will always come back and sweep him off his feet and put cas back on the whirlygig no matter what. and he really stops trying. in order to maintain his relationship with dean he just starts forgiving him everything. and this is a post season nine development. dean can hurt cas as much as he wants and cas chooses not to hold it against him or really integrate it at all because it would mean losing this his most important relationship. and because he will reap the dubious rewards. and because, well, dean will sweep him off his feet anyway so why try?

anyway. all of that is important because it's all stuff that's theoretically relevant to the love club amv but not the focus of it, which is why these two videos are kind of a pair. like, if you look at my intro to the love club amv it's a list of times dean hurt cas and then a list of times dean touched him; cas also experiences the pleasures of affection in the cult in the second verse and experiences being expected to sacrifice himself in the first chorus and being betrayed in the second. but that's not really what the video is about. while those are inevitable results of invitation into the winchester family cult, the tragedy of the love club video is about other stuff. so the your love is a drug video is kind of a necessary supplement. like, it is necessary to understand that cas' experience here is both ecstatic and hypnotic, you know?

anyway. the third video that this video is deeply interrelated with isn't mine. it's spn angels | runs in the family by snooglyshnork on youtube. obviously. like, this and the pretty little head video and the your love is a drug one are all... in a way they're my attempt to put my own spin on that video, you know? like obviously i'm saying different stuff or there would be no point in not just... rewatching the runs in the family amv. but there is a meaningful sense where all these videos, taken together, really are just my spin on that video more than anything else.

the fourth video is, well. this one. i feel like the connection is obvious. but like one of the most striking things @restlesshush has ever said to me is that that video inserts subtext into that scene that is not present in the original text. in the original scene cas is horrified but there is no implication of his guilt. he asks naomi for an apology for trying to lobotomize him, and like. yeah she shouldn't have done that but it's insane that the first thing cas thinks of is that and not his own complicity in the extinction of his species, you know? like honestly, i'm not inclined to blame cas. most of that was done either not-as-himself really, or in genuine self-defense because the first reaction of angels to any kind of disagreement is murder (because due to living absolutely authoritarian lives and having any experience of making actual choices (i.e. disobedience) wiped from their brains so they can't learn from it, they have no framework for dissent). but like. that's not how cas sees it. he should blame himself. he doesn't really have a solid framework of why things are his fault (...which is one of the reasons for a lot of his problems), he just does stuff and then it goes bad and he blames himself, even though it's frequently a result of factors outside his control. (hell, honestly i think cas would willingly submit to lobotomy, might even be absolutely ecstatic about it, if it wasn't for the fact that naomi made him kill other angels and tried to make him kill dean. like. cas WANTS to have his self and individuality obliterated and his choices taken away. that's his dream. he craves brainwashing. the problem is that he could not get with naomi's goals). and it's dumb and ooc that he didn't do it in funeralia. so this video kind of adds that back in.

anyway, now that that introduction is over with we can finally like... actually talk. about this video i just made.

so i've talked to death the subject of cas and angels and cults. and so have other people. but i wanna talk about specifics.

first i kinda wanna talk about naomi? or, you know. gush. gush about naomi. because i'm obsessed with her. because the thing about naomi is she is, to me, very genuinely tragic.

like, i used her in this video as a synecdoche for heaven's control. which is, you know, it's an obvious choice. but i do think it fits, and most crucially i think naomi and her relationship to heaven is a really solid parallel for dean and his relationship to the winchester family. which is relevant given that dean is the emblem for the winchester family cult i'm using.

like, supernatural is in many ways a show about headless bodies. and i think heaven and the angels are maybe the best example of this. because like... the thing is, they're just doing what they think god would want them to do. but he is gone. like, the archangels' relationship to god is to either do what they think he would want (michael; raphael, but there's another layer with him which is that he is also doing what michael would want/would do in michael's absence; lucifer is just doing the opposite of what god would want), or flop around like headless chickens (what lucifer does post-s11 without god's disapproval to guide him; gabriel's total disengagement and hedonistic passivity). and the power structure of heaven basically all just exists to facilitate that. like, all the other angels exist to follow michael and raphael's orders. but then of course in season eight there are no archangels left and heaven is tearing itself apart. and it was always going to, because of the kind of absolute authoritarianism that naomi helps prop up. and naomi's goal is really just... to hold things together. to keep things normal. she, too, is not really working towards her own goals and interests. she isn't the queen, she's the high priestess, just like michael and raphael. she isn't working towards her own goals, she's working towards the goals of a mysterious leader who isn't even present. like, she may be one of the highest authorities left in heaven post-s7, but that's not how she wants it. she doesn't want power, she wants the machine to keep running the way it's supposed to. she's a technician. and she's trying to keep angel society as it was functioning. in many ways, she is right! theoretically if naomi could keep things running indefinitely, she could save a lot of angel lives, and keep them happy and well-adjusted, too, if your definition of happy and well-adjusted includes having no doubts or individuality and being well-lobotomized. but the thing is, she can't keep things running indefinitely because that kind of absolute authoritarianism is inherently unstable. the level of control and violence it requires is not indefinitely maintainable. it's bound to collapse sooner or later, and then in the aftermath the angels will have none of those wonderful useful skills like conflict resolution or making choices that you get from being allowed a certain amount of conditional training-wheels freedom before just being released onto the world free to do what you will. and it will be a blood bath.

and i think that's a solid parallel to dean. because in many ways, dean is a headless body. he doesn't maintain authoritarian control of his family because he wants something from it, he does it because that's how things are supposed to be. he's not trying to get anything out of it except maintaining a kind of stability and order in which he is as much a subject as everyone else. he is not the king, he's the high priest of the cult of john winchester. just because john is dead and gone doesn't mean that dean can stop maintaining it. like naomi, he maintains the cult for its own sake. the purpose of the cult is self-reproduction, nothing else. dean has no goals except maintenance of the status quo. he too is a technician.

which is why i used naomi as the face of the angel cult in this video, and why i placed her dialogue against dean's dialogue/dialogue about dean ("i fixed you" vs. "you used to be human" and "i'll find some way to redeem myself to you"). because they serve similar roles.

this is also, by the by, why i had naomi mouth the word "love" in my mother's love is choking me (while in the show she's saying "hold still"). because she does love them. the angels. in her way.

next point. "i saw the route of flowers. it's all right there, the whole plan, there's nothing to add." honey cas is like. that whole situation is one of the reasons cas is so very vulnerable to being in a cult. he rejects agency, because as an agent he has ruined everything. he lives under the weight of absolute, crushing guilt. and so being nothing more than a cog in a machine is soothing to him. at his lowest, at the end of season seven and the beginning of season eleven, cas leans towards absolute passivity. when he collapses, this is how he falls: into total nonfunction. making choices becomes an impossible horror, both because it's just not something he's used to, and because he can never trust himself to make correct ones (because his choices always just seem to turn out poorly). so in season seven, he removes his ability to choose to dole out violence entirely, and in season eleven, he simply fully collapses in on himself and stops being able to do anything. and this leads to him desperately seeking out an authority figure, any authority figure, to make his choices for him. which is one of the reasons he's in cults. and of course, the cults are part of the reason why he doesn't trust himself in the first place; cas, i know you try to be a good guy, okay, i do, you try says dean. after everything you did, to us, to heaven. i fixed you, castiel. i fixed you! says naomi. but this is a vulnerability that exists in cas outside of intentional attempts to play on it. and it is in the end a result of his experiences as part of the heaven cult - the reason he relates to choice in this way is partly a result of the unspeakable guilt of godstiel arc, but that in itself is kind of the result of the inevitable collapse of heaven, which is a result of heaven's authoritarian nature. and the way cas processes it happens because he has spent his life as a drone without choice up until he had a glut of it. like he doesn't really have the skill at making choices and regulating his emotions that would allow him to look at the situation rationally, because he just doesn't have the experience. he has, functionally, four or five years of existing as an individual under his belt at that point (because any other experience has been lobotomized out of him). it's not much to go on.

(i also quite enjoyed the double meaning of the line. get out your maps and papers find out your hiding places again. the route of flowers and all it stands for: the will of god, external deterministic control, non-agency, all of those are a kind of map. but they are also, for honey cas, primarily a hiding place. he hides in them from his guilt and anguish.)

i also want to talk about cas and the hive. obviously i always want to talk about cas and the hive it's my favorite topic. but it really is relevant. a crucial element of cas' vulnerability to being in a cult is his desire to be reabsorbed into the hive. like, this is why i included the dragonfly eye of group mind line from 5x04. endverse cas is in many ways replacing the communion of heaven. he wants an absolute communion, no self, no boundaries, he will eat the whole world to make it a part of him. and that's what he gets out of being involved in the kinds of intense relation that dean gives him: absolute communion. of course, it's also sexual; part of my argument in this video in fact is that the appeal of the winchester family cult over the heaven cult is that it's got individual, hedonistic, embodied pleasures. people are nice to him, they're affectionate with him, they touch him. at the same time there is also explicitly sexual pleasures: he kisses meg, has homoerotic experiences with dean, watches crowley seal a deal with a kiss. (this is why take the pill, make it too real is over cas' grace vampirism and also him examining his body in meet the new boss and lazarus rising: these are the horrors and consequences of embodiment, wrapped up with the horrors and consequences of guilt). but yeah. like, when endverse cas is talking about the dragonfly eye of group mind, he has lost the communion of heaven. he is also about to have an orgy. they are intertwined. they are the same.

i also want to talk about my specific choice to use anna and uriel a lot in the first verse. with anna, that's partly because she was kind of... the first authority figure cas tries to get to be his leader. there's a reason i used the scene where cas says "i don't know what to do. please tell me what to do." and anna says "like the old days? no, i'm sorry. it's time to think for yourself" over what about the kid? / it's time the kid got free. and of course there's the dean/anna kiss and its relation to cas' sexual awakening. but anna and uriel both also serve a different role, which is that they're examples of other rebellious angels. like, the most interesting thing about the angel stuff in season four is that we see three rank and file angels. and all three of them turn against heaven in different ways. it's like rebellion is inevitable. every angel is a potential cas. in fact, cas is the least rebellious of the three! season four is about cas teetering on the edge of disobedience, while anna and uriel have both already toppled over. and uriel is actually also a great example to put cas against because cas is more similar to uriel than anna. anna falls for her own freedom; cas changes his allegience like uriel. this is one of the reasons why i included uriel's our father! in the dialogue mashup. like, i just want to put some dialogue from on the head of a pin in here:

CASTIEL: The murders. Maybe they aren't demonic. Sam Winchester said the demons had nothing to do with it.

URIEL: If not the demons, what could it be?

CASTIEL: The will of heaven. We are failing, Uriel. We are losing the war. Perhaps the garrison is being punished.

URIEL: You think our father would—

CASTIEL: I think maybe our father isn't giving the orders anymore. Maybe there is something wrong.

and then later:

URIEL: Not murders, Castiel. No. My work is conversion. How long have we waited here? How long have we played this game by rules that make no sense?

CASTIEL: It is our father's world, Uriel.

URIEL: Our father? He stopped being that, if he ever was, the moment he created them. Humanity, his favorites. This whining, puking larva.

CASTIEL: Are you trying to convert me?

URIEL: I wanted you to join me. And I still do.

like this goes crazy right? in terms of themes? you agree. like, uriel asks cas to join him, in the same way cas asks anna to guide him. they're much more similar than they are different.

so i've just learned that tumblr has link limits. click here to read the rest.

SAM: Well, you know, sometimes families do better after a little time apart. DEAN: Yeah, who? The Mansons?

[youtube with subtitles] [youtube without subtitles]

a meditation on cas and cults. the starting point and the ending point. angels and winchesters. love and affection and family and the twisting of it. the invitation to destroy yourself, and the appeal of being absolutely subsumed.

(x)

[profoundbondfanfic]

I hope you get to enjoy this winter holiday chill with some hot cup of cocoa, your favorite blanket, your dear pet, and maybe... some fics to keep you warm and happy. Happy Holidays, everyone, here are a few fics that feature the holiday spirit.🎄

‘tis the damn season by thelostbrontesister [Teen, 21k words]

“Do you think we’ll ever see each other again?” Dean asks, filling out the check and leaving a tip for the waitress. She was the same year as him; she didn’t graduate either. Of course we will. We’re best friends; we’ll always keep in touch. That’s what normal people say. But Castiel was never normal. He contemplates the question and answers truthfully, “I don’t know.”

A Date for The Holidays by WaywardAF67 [Explicit, 37k words]

Castiel would never have considered hiring an escort on his own. But when his friend and personal assistant, Charlie suggested he use the service for the upcoming holidays, Cas warmed to the idea. Having a companion to help him through his mother’s never-ending relationship questions, and the family drama that was sure to unfold was enough to push Cas to book a date with Succubus Escort service. He just wanted help getting through the holidays, but with Dean Winchester, Castiel Novak ended up with so much more.

Christmas in July by followyourenergy [Mature, 28k words]

When Dean Winchester follows a service dog who won’t leave him alone, he finds Cas Novak, passed out in a stairwell with a Christmas tree on top of him. A Christmas tree? In July? Who does that? Turns out that Cas does that. And once he gets to know the snarky, independent, handsome man, Dean can’t help but fall for him. A story about being seen.

Holidate by Kitmistry [Teen, 34k words]

Dean and Castiel hate the holidays! Their enduring singledom leaves them subject to the judgment of their meddling family members or stuck with clingy, awkward dates on each festive occasion. When these two meet, they pledge to be each other’s plus-ones for each holiday celebration over the course of the year.

Holiday Love by Castielslostwings [Explicit, 31k words]

Popular podcast host Castiel Novak has a secret. While his listeners see him as an expert on romance and the magic of the holidays, Castiel has never truly experienced any of that for himself. This year, that’s about to change, and the timing couldn’t be more perfect. As Castiel is preparing to embark on a whirlwind promotional tour for his new book, he stops by his hometown to celebrate Christmas with his family. Unexpectedly, sparks ignite between him and beloved local jack-of-all-trades, Dean Winchester. This year, Castiel might be forced to learn what “Holiday Love” is really all about���but can he put his cynicism aside enough to let Dean in?

Let Me Come Home by prosopopeya [Explicit, 163k words]

It would be very inconvenient for Castiel to get a crush on Claire’s foster parent.

Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love by aishitara [Explicit, 14k words]

Dean clears his throat and says, “I have an idea for how to deal with your mom.” He looks away as he takes a long swallow of beer. “But you’re probably not gonna like it.” Castiel grunts. “Tell me anyway. You’ve got one idea more than me.” Huffing a small laugh, Dean says, “Yeah, well, we’ll see.” He looks over at Castiel, lower lip caught between his teeth. “I’ll go with you,” he says earnestly. “To Thanksgiving.” Castiel stares at Dean blankly, not following. “Y’know,” Dean says, suddenly interested in removing the label from his beer. “As your boyfriend.”

The Little Things by followyourenergy [Teen, 11k words]

Dean Winchester made a New Year’s resolution to tell his best friend, Cas Novak, that he loves him. He’s almost out of time. So he devises a series of big, romantic ways to do it over the holidays. Of course, nothing goes to plan, and Dean is left morose…until Cas reminds him of something.

[luxshine]

“Yo  a ti, Cas” Or how mexican dubbing gripped us tight and raised us from Despair.

Ok. So I promised a big meta about the dubbing thing and so while I don’t have all the answers YET, here’s a bit of perspective on the differences between Despair and The Truth.

  First, a little background. I am a former professional dubbing translator. While I worked on anime series from Japanese to Spanish, rather than in live action ones from English to Spanish, the process is not that different. Also, I worked in Mexico, where Supernatural is dubbed, so that’s why I can make the assumptions I make. Finally, my specialization in college was translation from English to Spanish, so I guess I know what the hell I’m talking about.

  So let’s start on HOW you translate something for a dub. Back in the day, you got a ton of VHS tapes with the episodes on them with time codes, and, if you were lucky, a shooting script. This is to say, it was not a transcript of the actual words said in the episode, but the script BEFORE the actors, directors, and everyone else had a hand on what was said and changed. And thus, anything adlibbed? Is not going to be in that script which, at least for the anime side of things? Was a nightmare as the script was usually “And here X actor can say whatever they want” and I had to go and listen to the scene ten thousand times. Now a days, you get either a video file or a streaming link, and sometimes, the shooting script. If you get a script, btw, you can also not get a script in the original language. I know that the person who had to translate Sprited Away to Spanish was working off a German script, not the Japanese one. So yeah, some things can be lost in translation there.

  THEN you get to translate. BUT you can’t just translate word by word. You have to adapt it so that it will sound like something a person will say, and sometimes, literally is not the way to do it. And in particular, Mexican dubbing has a reputation to uphold as the “Neutral” dub that is send to most Spanish-speaking countries in Latin America, so we can’t use certain words (I don’t have the list at hand, but I remember that I couldn’t use “Llanta” for Tire, and so I had to use “Neumatico”. And no “sweaters” or “hotcakes” or stuff like that), AND we have to match the lips of the original video. Which is like, the worst nightmare ever because of what we call “labiales”, that is to say, the letters where lips close.

  I can’t tell you how much we all loved when a character gave a long winded speech with their back to the camera due to those damned closed lip letters.

  All this is to say that sometimes, the line could be “We are all in this together for good or bad”, and the translation become something more like “Estamos en esto, por las buenas o las malas” (We’re on this, the good way or the bad way) or “Estamos juntos en las buenas y en las malas” (We’re together in the good and the bad), depending on the translator, dub director, and voice actor.

  Depending on the client, that is, the original owner of the series, sometimes they will review the translation once it’s all dubbed and edited. I know that in the Avengers movie, a Disney rep was present on the cabin and forbade any changes from the script, which resulted on a couple of awkward lines in the end result. I don’t know if that’s the case for Supernatural, but I honestly doubt it. Still, translators can’t make huge changes for the dialogue. One couldn’t just ADD a relationship that wasn’t there, no matter what.

  (As an aside, due to the very conservative mindset of some tv stations, it’s more common that gay relationships become more ambiguous, by changing “I love you” to “Te quiero” which can be more of a filial love than a romantic one. And well, that one case in Sailor Moon where a gay character was changed into a woman because the dub director honestly thought the character was a woman. But that was in the nineties)

  Now, let’s go to how Castiel’s speech was translated.

  The original, according to Superwiki, went like this:

  Castiel:  You're the most caring man on Earth. You are the most selfless, loving human being I will ever know. You know, ever since we met, ever since I pulled you out of Hell, knowing you has changed me. Because you cared, I cared. I cared about you. I cared about Sam. I cared about Jack. I cared about the whole world because of you. You changed me, Dean.

Dean: Why does this sound like a goodbye? Castiel: Because it is. I love you. Dean: Don't do this, Cas. Cas.

  And the translation, as it was aired, went like this (And people, you have no idea the war flashbacks transcribing this gave me, so I hope you appreciate it):

  Castiel: Eres el hombre mas amoroso sobre la Tierra. Un hombre sin egoismo; el hombre mas generoso que haya visto, y que jamas vere. Sabes que desde que nos conocimos y desde que te saque del infierno, el conocerte me ha cambiado. Porque a ti te importa. Y a mi me importa. Me importas tu. Y me importa Sam, me importa Jack, me importa todo el mundo. Y fue por ti. Tu me cambiaste, Dean.

  Dean: Porque suena esto a despedida?

  Castiel: Porque asi fue. Te amo.

  Dean: Yo a ti, Cas. (The empty appears and Billie opens the door) Cas…

  Castiel: Adios Dean

  Dean: No!

  Ok. So… At first glance, they’re pretty much the same until we get to the I love you. BUT let’s dissect it a little bit.

  Cas begins with a “Eres el hombre mas amoroso sobre la Tierra” which is not how I would’ve translated “The most caring man on Earth” since “caring” is more like “Cariñoso” rather than “amoroso” which would be “loving”, and yes, there’s a difference. Plus, “el hombre mas amoroso” sounds a bit clunky, so Personally, I’d have gone with “Eres el hombre mas cariñoso en la Tierra”, that would’ve given us more time for the rest of the speech, but I wonder if the translator choice for Amoroso instead was more due to the fact that “amor” (love) is more clearly romantic than “care” (cariño, in a sense, more on this later) and so it foreshadows the end.

  Again, with the literal clunkyness we have “Un hombre sin egoismo” (A man without egoism) which sounds weird no matter what language you speak, and it should’ve been “Un hombre dadivoso” (A giving man) or “un hombre desinteresado” (a selfless man) although the second could be mis-construed as “a man without interests” so “dadivoso” would’ve better. But the more puzzling is that the Spanish separates the selfless man from the next, which is REALLY confusing as the English is “the most loving man”, which would be “el hombre mas amoroso” making it quite redundant, so the Spanish changes it to “the most generous man”, “el hombre mas generoso”. To add to this, Cas continues with “that I have seen and I will ever see” instead of “That I know”, because it’s far more poetic. And loving.

  So yeah, Mexican Cas is basically saying that Dean Winchester is made of love and puppies.

  Ahem.

  The next part “You know, ever since I pulled you out of hell, you’ve changed me” is more or less word for word, and the only thing that changes is that the English sounds more like a question and the Spanish one is an affirmation. YOU KNOW that ever since I pulled you out of hell, you changed me.” Little verb tense play, that doesn't change much except Cas’s resolution to say what he has to say.

  And then we get to the part that made me squeal out loud. Because we go from

  “Because you cared, I cared. I cared about you. I cared about Sam. I cared about Jack. I cared about the whole world because of you”

  To

  “Porque a ti te importa. Y a mi me importa. Me importas tu. Y me importa Sam, me importa Jack, me importa todo el mundo.” Which at first glance is the same, but NOPE.

  First change: The original is in past tense “I cared”. Spanish version is in present tense: “I care”.

Which is a little non important thing except when you remember that simple present means “immutable absolute truth that won’t change with time”

  Second, the choice of word for care.

  I mentioned before that Care can be Cariño, as in filial, non romantic love (Or romantic love pet name, as it can also be Darling. It’s one of THOSE words). Other translations for care include “cuidado” (as in attention, concern, keeping, and worry), and of course “interesarse” (Which also can be care), “preocuparse” (care, bother, trouble, mind, fuss), and yes, “importar” but “importar” ONLY translates to English as a verb as “import”, “matter” “amount to” and notice how none of those words include “love”.

  Mexican Cas is not saying “you love the world, and so I do”. Mexican Cas is saying “The world matters to you, and thus it matters to me, but my feelings for the World (and Sam, and Jack) are not in the same league as my feelings for you.”

  And then Dean asks “Why does this sound like a Goodbye”, just like in English, in present tense…

  And Mexican Cas replies in PAST tense. “Porque asi fue”. And THIS is important because it means that everything he said before WAS the goodbye, and not what comes next. All the rest? Is in the past. “Because it was”. Not “Because it IS”. And the next part? Is their future.

  I love you.

  Te amo.

  Simple present. No ambiguity like “te quiero”. Spanish Te amo is for romantic love. Not brotherly, not family, not bro-mantic. ROMANTIC.

  It’s like “I’m IN love with you” (Although that’d be “Estoy enamorado de ti” and I doubt that would’ve fit in the time Misha spoke)

  And of course, the answer. “Yo a ti, Cas”. Not “And I, you” as I’ve seen it before (And I also thought it was, until transcribing the scene) but a simple “I, you, Cas.” Which ok, pretty cave-speak, but the meaning is pretty clear. Dean Winchester loves his gay angel.

  It is also telling that the empty doesn’t appear until AFTER Dean confessed, so no, Mexican Cas is not “happy with the saying”, he had to get to the “happy with the having”.

  And when Billy appears, it does seem as if he wants to say something more, but Cas is a love-sick selfsacrificing dumbass and so we all get our hearts broken.

I did get in contact with Dean Winchester’s mexican voice actor, and am waiting for answers to a small interview I did with him which includes the question “did that And I you, Cas” was in the script, and am trying to contact Castiel’s mexican voice actor. So I will be updating you on that. But I hope this clears up some of the questions about how Mexican dubbing made Destiel Canon :D

[spnshameblog]

why the fuck would you show us that cas irrevocably links his worth to his usefulness. Why the fuck would you play into this multiple times, have cas make stupid decision bc he wants to be useful to dean/the winchesters, have him jump at the chance to sacrifice himself for them, have him leave almost every time as soon as he is done helping them DESPITE admitting he would rather be with them than in heaven and have dean unknowingly play into this bc of his repression by saying stuff like "jack brought you back because we needed you" and why have MULTIPLE third parties confirm that the thought of the Winchesters only keeping him around for his usefulness is not only something he truly believes, but also something that deeply hurts and upsets him.

Why establish that the bunker kitchen is his safe space, why have him react like that the first time dean calls him family, why have him say " i have no family" after becoming god, why have him explicitly say he wanted tfw 2 to be a family.

Why show us again and again that cas is full of self loathing, shame and guilt either through other characters or his own admission. Why have so many characters call him defective or broken to his face.

Why have his ultimate happiness be confessing his love for someone. And in the same moment show us that he is convinced that his feelings wont ever be returned. (And i have read multiple ppl saying that cas knows his feelings are returned and while this would make all this hurt a lot less, i simply do not think he does. The reason why he "cant have it" isnt just the deal, its because he is convinced that his feelings are unrequited)

Why the fuck would you establish all this and NOT have it culminate in the fucking only satisfying resolution possible: cas finally gets EXPLICITLY told that he is not only needed, but he is loved and wanted and is asked to stay.

And thats not me being a sap, happy endings arent a cop out or a lazy choice, fuck you. We have talked about how dean's ending is dissatisfying and hurtful, but i feel like cas deserved a good ending, too.

Why the fuck would you show us a sad character and give him a sad ending, what the fuck is wrong with you, do your jobs

[vminvisiblestring]

How Robert Berens Made Destiel Canon

or The Beautifully Tragic Road to Destiel

in honor of their one month anniversary, i want to talk about robert berens and how he made it his mission to make destiel canon and the care he took approaching their relationship...

i dont know if this has been pointed out before, but i was looking at the episodes bobo berens wrote when i realized something: he wrote all the significant destiel episodes in s15. i think that means he probably planned to make destiel canon long before s15 started:

he hid a love story inside the monster story. a love story told in five parts:

• initiating event

• rising action

• climax (first twist)

• falling action

• second twist (no resolution)

14x18: absence - “initiating event”

the initiating event introduces the conflict and sets events into motion in a story.

in absence, cas reveals to dean that jack might not have a soul and therefore might not know that hurting his mother was wrong. this angers dean and results in dean telling cas “youre dead to me”. this initiates a chain of events that lead their relationship to experience a tear (or rupture).

15x03: the rupture - “rising action”

the rising action is the result of a character trying to (in this case) solve a problem but a force is at conflict with the character. for every step taken, there is either a successful or failed outcome; this pattern continues all the way to the climax.

complications in dean and cas’s relationship continue to widen the distance between them into the start of season 15 with the deaths of rowena and belphagor (for which dean blames cas) culminating in the infamous “breakup” scene. cas said there was nothing left for him anymore and leaves dean.

15x08: our father who arent in heaven - “rising action”

bobo didnt write this episode but its important to the path because rowena tells dean and cas to fix their relationship in the same episode that michael sends them to purgatory (aka the place dean realized he was in love with cas all those years ago and where they fixed their relationship the first time)

15x09: the trap - ‘climax & first twist”

the climax is the most emotional part of the story and is reached when the character takes the final step to resolve their problem. this is also where the turning point of the story begins and descends to the falling action (and if there is a plot twist, it happens here).

the first twist: dean confesses first. this scene is deans confession disguised as an apology. he might lose cas and needed him to know hes sorry. the prayer scene is so important because, if we read the scene, this is in fact, an apology, but its so much more than that. dean responds to cas’s “i left but you didnt stop me” with “i should have stopped you”. this scene showed just how much dean has grown, how much he’s trying and how much he wants to be free of the anger he feels because he realized it was what separated him from the man he loves on multiple occasions. this is deans way of saying “im sorry. i didnt mean anything i said. you are the most important person in my life and i let you leave. i shouldnt have let you leave. thats my fault. im trying to get better. please tell me you’re gonna be okay. tell me this isnt the last time i’ll ever see you. please. i love you”.

dean and cas reunite near the rift but dean doesnt want to leave before telling cas something. we know it cant be the prayer because its obvious cas heard that; this is something else, but cas stops him. this scene is them making amends with each other the best way they know how: a silent knowing. the conflict has finally been resolved.

15x12: galaxy brain - “falling action”

the falling action consists of the after-effects of the climax and every event from here onward should lead to a logical conclusion.

dean and cas’s relationship is better, they seem at peace. the silent knowing is definitely there, and they both seem comfortable the way they left things. the way things are going, they’ll likely have as much a “happy” ending as a fallen angel and a hunter can have without talking about this silent knowing. we cant forget about the looming empty deal, but knowing cas will never be truly happy, it seems like dean and cas are going to be friends for a long time...

15x18: despair - “second twist”

after the falling action comes the resolution. sometimes in film and television, a surprise second twist will occur after the climax and toss the characters into another fight. the second twist is resolved quicker than the first and leads to a speedy resolution.

the second twist here, however, replaces the resolution because the story of destiel sadly and infuriatingly, never got its resolution.

i feel like bobo was told cas was going to get killed off and thats why he knew there was no way the network would allow dean to reciprocate so he did the best he could to work around the homophobia and make destiel canon as much as possible for us.

this is the most “resolution” we were given by a show we spent years watching and loving. we rooted for the characters, we fought as much for their happiness as they did themselves. and it ended up stabbing jensen, misha, bobo, other cast members, some writers and the fans in the back.

deans face here is all i have left to hold on to and thats not fair. and its not fair that after all these years this is what they did to one of the most complex love stories ever told. not only that, but dean and cas were also some of the complex characters ever put to screen. this is not a good ending for them and it never will be. not until they both get the endings they deserve, as individuals and as one. and im sorry for the pain all this mess has caused and would like nothing more than to squeeze everyone really tight and tell you it’ll be okay.

[scoobydoofenshmirtz]

💕my most romantic fic recs💕

UPDATED FOR 2024 with 8 new fics! two years ago i made this rec list for valentine's day, a special edition of my fic recs that I think are particularly appropriate for the holiday or if you're just in the mood for something with a lot of heart. sorted by length. as always, feel free to message me/send me asks about any of these fics. i'm always happy to talk :)

fics added this year marked with *

recs under the cut:

dean's coworkers vs the heteronormative agenda by cowboydeanwinchester T, 4,106

Premise (from ao3): Dean started working at a local auto repair shop in Lebanon, Kansas about a year ago. His coworkers don't know much about him. Except that he has a wife. Or maybe he doesn't. But he has a kid. Who is either a toddler or a high schooler. Who is either named Jack or Sammy. He also might have a best friend named Cas, but that also might be his wife.

Truth is nobody knows what to make of Dean. In universe, where nobody dies and Cas and Dean get domestic and Dean doesn't realize the mental hoola-hoops he's causing his coworkers to work through.

My recommendation: This outsider POV has a really fun look at Dean and Cas's relationship and centers around their anniversary. A nice quick read if you're looking for something light.

With This Stab I Thee Wed by TheSilverQueen T, 8,176

Premise: When Cas raises Dean from perdition, he accidentally sets off an angelic marriage ritual. 

My recommendation: A very fun little accidental marriage trope with some adorable art to go along with it.

Sixpence by tiamatv T, 10,055

Premise: Dean and Cas get married, but things don't go exactly as planned.

My recommendation: Some angst stemming from a vital misunderstanding, but at the core a very romantic story with a great resolution.

*Perihelion by someonetoanyone E, 11,610

Premise: After a case, a passionate demigod forces Dean and Cas to confront each other.

My recommendation: I would describe this fic as very sensual. Everything that’s described is very lush and intense. A lot of simmering before Dean and Cas are forced to put their emotions out in the open.

Broadway Musical by Griftings M (very light), 12,453

Premise: AU where Sam stays at Stanford, Dean and Jo are destined to bear two sons to become the vessels. The angels try and fail to set them up, so Castiel decides to go to Earth to get them together himself.

My recommendation: A classic comedy full of romantic hijinks.

you're fooling yourself by cowboydeanwinchester T, 13,051

Premise: Dean who is now a mechanic and Cas who now sells goods at the farmer's market raise baby Jack together.

My recommendation: Super cute baby Jack fic (part of a series).

*With this Ring (I Act the Part) by haus_seeblick T, 15,583

Premise: Dean and Cas go undercover to investigate a case at a marriage therapy bootcamp.

My recommendation: This is a great little casefic with all the classic fake dating/marriage tropes along with a very fascinating and surprisingly layered case.

profoundly bonded (by law) by sobsicles E (only comes in at the end, the rest is very pg), 20,130

Premise: Dean and Cas are retired and living together. One day Cas asks to Dean to marry him (just as friends) and Dean says yes because he can't think of a reason not to.

My recommendation: Simple, sweet, domestic.

Learning Curve (I just want to say I love you) by tsujiharu M, 20,206

Premise (from ao3): Chuck is gone, Castiel is back from the Empty, and Dean and Cas are in love. All that’s left is for them to live out their happy ending… right?

So then why’s everything so damn hard? or, Five times love didn't come easy and the one time (of many) that it did.

My recommendation: This is a nice journey of Dean and Cas working through their feelings and reflecting on their past together. Entirely focused on Dean and Cas's love for each other with some angst mixed in.

4:08 to Tombstone by zuzeca E, 20,755

Premise (from ao3): When minor outlaw Dean Winchester's beloved brother ended up on the wrong side of a robber baron with yellow eyes and a sadistic streak, Dean never expected to wind up in the Arizona Territory’s most notorious prison: The Pit. Nor did he expect, after years on the rack, to be sprung by former Federal Marshal and man of the cloth, Reverend Castiel Milton. Now, on the run from corrupt lawman Warden Alastair, the two men must learn to trust each other, or hang. When Castiel, lesser seraph of the Lord, descended into Hell to help rescue the Righteous Man, he never expected to be unwillingly cast in Dean Winchester’s repressed bisexual cowboy fantasy.

My recommendation: If you want something very unhinged and surprisingly sexy that defies all attempts at categorization, look no further. It's a fun ride and gorgeously written.

swimming with the fish pond fishes by februyuri E, 25,674

Premise (from ao3): Some time between Dean bleeding out on a makeshift hook in a barn in Ohio and Sam roasting marshmallows on his funeral pyre, Dean was brought back to life. By Castiel. Again. Dean agreed to it if only to give Jack time to work out the glitches up top. So, now Dean’s back in the land of the living and things are ... actually good, for once. Or, as good as they can be when demons are attacking Earth, Dean’s failing to get over why he died in the first place, and Cas is suddenly, inexplicably taking every opportunity to casually tell Dean that he loves him.

My recommendation: A nice post canon fic dealing with Dean's emotional constipation and Cas's unending fondness for him.

Dare You To Move by hisbrokenrainbowwings T, 26,052

Premise (from ao3): Castiel Novak is a former boy band member turned rock star who has been hiding his sexuality for years by fake dating his best friend, Meg Masters. His only place for true connection is on an anonymous Discord server where he falls in love with another user who claims to know nothing about Castiel Novak's music.

That user is Dean, a comfortably out bisexual car mechanic from Lebanon, KS who has a not-so-subtle crush on Castiel Novak after a chance encounter when they were teenagers. He is in love with Clarence, his buddy from the Discord server he and his adopted sister Charlie set up years ago. Dean has no idea the man he's in love with is actually the musician he adores. When Lebanon is picked as the new setting for Castiel Novak's latest video, both Cas and Dean have to confront their pasts and try to build a new future together.

My recommendation: If you're looking for something cute and super gay and you love a good two person love triangle, this is the fic for you. 

Damn, I Wish I Was Your Lover by ImYourHoneyBee E, 26,300

Premise: With Cas back from the Empty, Dean is eager to share his feelings, but Cas doesn’t believe him. Dean will do anything to convince him.

My recommendation: This has the tag "Dean being a simp" which I think sums it up nicely lol. Just Dean doing everything in his power to woo a disbelieving Cas. Very cute with minimal angst.

A Hero of His Own Story by ioascc E, 26,779

Premise: A canonverse au of sorts on one of Chuck's other versions of Earth where Dean is not the righteous man, but ends up meeting Castiel anyway who joins him and Sam on hunts.

My recommendation: Lots of domestic fluff and shenanigans. Chuck's "hallmark movie au."

Never Gonna Get There Later by gandmvsm, Psynatural E, 27,252

Premise (from ao3): In the summer of 2015, a series of mysterious disappearances brings Dean, Cas, and Sam to central Wisconsin on an investigation. They’ve barely started scoping out the town before Cas zaps away under mysterious circumstances, saying that Heaven needs him, only to return the next morning like nothing's wrong. And the next night as Dean’s falling asleep, someone — or something — claiming to be Cas starts crawling into bed with him.

By the time Sam and Dean learn that trolls are responsible for the disappearances, it’s too late. Dean will need to travel to another realm to win Cas back and stop him from making the biggest mistake of his life. Assuming Dean can keep his growing feelings for Cas under control long enough to pull it off, that is.

My recommendation: Amazing casefic that puts Dean and Cas's feelings right at the center of things.

*Depth of Field by TessEtc E, 27,523

Premise (from ao3): Dean, a professional photographer, is taking photos at the Fourth of July parade when he spots an old man with striking blue eyes across the street. Dean follows him, but before they can speak, the man falls down and dies with his hand in Dean's. Dean feels responsible, and seeks to learn more about the old man, retired doctor Castiel Novak. Dean discovers that Castiel once owned Dean's house, and comes to find an old camera amongst his things. When he takes his own portrait, it sends him hurtling back fifty years to 1962 where he meets a young, handsome, Cas. They can't help falling for each other. But Dean can't stay in 1962. His connection with his brother, Sam, pulls him back to 2012. Determined to see Cas, he uses the camera to return, but each time he travels to the past, it takes a greater toll on his body. Eventually, in order to stay with the man he loves, he has to make a heartbreaking choice.

My recommendation: This is an absolutely heart wrenching fic (don’t worry there’s a happy ending). The pining between the separation in time and the effects time travel has on Dean’s body is so good and there’s a lot of difficult decisions to be made, but ultimately Dean and Cas’s love for each other and just how far they’ll go is at the center of everything.

things happen (they do, they do, and they do) by sobsicles E, 27,918

Premise (from ao3): Cas comes back from the Empty. Dean has a good talk with him about their friendship, things happen.

My recommendation: Good chance you've read this one, it had quite the moment on tumblr but if you haven't here's your opening. Probably my favorite example of sobiscles specific brand of Dean repression that isn't super angsty but hits just hard enough. Featuring Cas being his most charming and Dean being his most flustered. Really brings Dean and Cas's domestic existence in late seasons to its logical conclusion.

*Lavender Pines by thisisapaige E, 30,609

Premise: In order to take back something of hers, Rowena and Cas pose as a married couple in a wealthy development. 

My recommendation: This is a very fun sort-of case fic where everyone is acting so, so stupid. Very fluffy with a lot of fun hijinks and some sweet surprises.

*straw house, straw dog by bsmith0708 E, 31,646

Premise: Cas is back from the empty, and instead of freaking out about how to respond to his confession, Dean decides to make a new life for the two of them. It’s basically everything he could’ve hoped for…except perhaps everything is not as it seems.

My recommendation: This is an interesting take on the Empty rescue fic that is told non-linearly, meaning it keeps you guessing with the twists and turns the whole time. There’s also soooo much great fluff and pining between them.

When It Comes to Being Loved by Sass_Master E, 37,788

Premise: Dean brings Cas to a cabin under the pretense of a case, but actually plans on telling him about his feelings.

My recommendation: This is a really intimate, romantic fic that feels almost like a slow burn even though they get together fairly early. Really just takes its time to dive into their feelings and let them be alone together developing their relationship.

*the home we make together by vaudelin E, 48,133

Premise: After Cas is taken by the empty, Dean is raising Jack on his own away from the bunker and hunting. He gets one last chance to rescue Cas that comes with some unintended consequences.

My recommendation: This fic has everything, baby Jack, Cas possessing Dean, domestic life, insane magic shit. Seriously, I was expecting this to be much more straightforward of a post-canon look at Dean and boy was I blown away. If you're looking for grand gestures, well this is that in a way.

*Altitude by enochianprayer E, 49,076

Premise (from ao3): Dean is a seasonal worker in a mountain lodge. Castiel is a hiker who's passing through. A story about lending a hand, looking for answers, finding holiness in people and taking a leap of faith.

My recommendation: This is such a cozy fic that goes so much faster than you’d think, taking place in a very small place over a short time. It introduces just enough angst to make Cas and Dean’s fast connection very juicy, both bringing their own baggage to things but coming from completely different backgrounds.

Somewhere by Foolondahill17 E, 54,572

Premise: Destiel West Side story AU where Dean is Tony and Cas is Maria

My recommendation: Of course I had to include the fic based on probably the most famous love story of all time. One of my all time favs that hits all the classic beats of Romeo and Juliet and West Side Story plus adds it's own beautiful Destiel flavor.

And This, Your Living Kiss by opal_bullets M, 56,950

Premise: AU where Dean is a poet who writes under the pseudonym Jack Allen. He decides to audit a poetry course taught by Castiel to get back into writing.

My Valentine's recommendation: One of my all time favs. You've probably read it by now, but if you haven’t, there's no time like the present! On top of all my usual praise, this fic is also filled with beautiful pining from both Dean and Cas and is honestly worth it just to get to the final poem (I won't spoil anything but there's a line in it that I literally think about daily it haunts me).

In the Shadow of your Wings by Enochian Things (Salr323) M, 57,268

Premise: After the season 11 finale, Castiel tells Dean that he loves him, and then leaves to figure things out for himself when Dean doesn't handle his confession well. He, Dean, Mary, and Castiel's new "friend" have to work together to find Sam after he is taken by Toni Bevell.

My recommendation: Yes, I know this starts with Cas/OMC but how Dean and Cas end up together is so fucking romantic it's a grand gesture out of a movie it makes me swoon.

i want to do with you (what spring does with cherry trees) by sobsicles E, 74,173

Premise: Alternate canon spanning widower arc-season 15 dealing heavily with Dean's grief and longing.

My recommendation: This takes you on a whole journey and it hurts, but it is such a good dive into Dean's feelings with some beautifully romantic moments along the way.

Untangled by quwarichi T, 75,202

Premise: Fantasy AU loosely based on Tangled/Rapunzel where Dean breaks into the tower Cas is being held in in an attempt to find a cure for Sam.

My recommendation: Read this if you want dashing heroes and fairytale adventure with destiel flavor and added Supernatural lore.

*Soda Fountain Pharmacy by stayawake T, 95,042

Premise: Moving back to Lawrence after his mom dies, 15-year-old Castiel takes a part job at the Winchester Family Pharmacy. 

My recommendation: This one's all about young love and how those relationships can impact us for the rest of our lives. This fic perfectly captures the nostalgic feel of soda fountains and of the transient time we all pass through in our adolescence when we're finding our place in the world. It's sweet and sad and well worth the read.

Profoundly Different by amireal, tiamatv E, 190,842

Premise: Complete season 4 AU where Castiel is the fallen angel Sam and Dean meet in 4x09 I Know What You Did Last Summer.

My recommendation: Besides being the regular adventure that is season 4, this fic is also so deeply romantic. Just so many moments that will make you melt.

Under The Midnight Sun by NorthernSparrow E, 232,027

Premise (from ao3): Dean Winchester’s been camp manager of a science research station on the Alaskan tundra for thirteen years. Dean likes his job; fixing the camp trucks, troubleshooting the generators, keeping clueless undergrads and NSF bigwigs from walking into grizzly bears or getting lost in snowstorms — it’s all in a day’s work. It keeps him pretty busy, and this year his brother Sam's visiting too, so he's even busier. So it’s really not any of Dean’s business when some weirdo antisocial ornithologist sets up a tent a few miles away, a dark-haired blue-eyed guy who’s doing a “very long-term" study on birds or wings or something, and who never, ever takes off his big lumpy backpack. But then the new guy starts dropping by camp for coffee and... well, he’s not officially part of camp; he's not Dean’s responsibility; he’s really not Dean’s problem at all, but when a strange blizzard comes sweeping in, Dean gets worried and goes to check. Thing is, Dean's spent years in the sweeping vistas of the Arctic. He knows all about the midnight sun and the northern lights, the ice caves and avalanches, the rough-and-ready Haul Road truckers and the even rougher-and-readier wild animals. But even so, what he finds is much more than he bargained for.

My recommendation: This has all the hallmarks of a classic northernsparrow fic-detailed lore, angel headcanons, scientific background, epic plots, etc.-but also is an amazing slow burn romance with tons of pining and rom-com style mishaps.

You Can Keep Holding On by Northern Sparrow E, 352,388

Premise: Hard to explain w/o giving the big reveal. Canon divergent from season 11. Cas becomes human and has to deal with some human issues. (Sorry this is so vague but finding out what's going on is a big part of the experience)

My recommendation: Probably not the most typical Valentine's Day rec as this fic is very, very heavy and deals with some intense topics, but I'd be remiss not to include it. While Destiel is only a part of this very long journey, it's very important and handled so beautiful. It puts Dean and Cas in a situation that really tests their relationship and shows the ups and downs in life, the struggles, but also the beauty in these difficult moments. A lot of emotion, but some genuinely very sweet and romantic moments between them and one of my all time favorite love confessions. And if you're ever in the mood for plot important sex scenes this is the place to go. Again, if you have any concerns about the content, feel free to message me.

[argylesweedstash]

did you just call me baby

(ao3 link)

The first time it happens, it’s an accident. At least, Dean’s banking on Castiel thinking it’s an accident. And it is, really. Dean fell onto the war room floor covered in black goo with his arms around Cas. Sam and Jack leapt up from the table, moving away from the intricate spellwork that no longer needed their attention.

Cas stirred a little. He’d been out of it when Dean had found him - half-lucid and mostly disbelieving. He’d let Dean pull him up and sling his arm around his shoulders, but hadn’t said much. Only mumbled apologies and words that sounded a lot like, “I hope this is real.”

Jack was first on the floor next to them. “Cas?” he asked, a tentative smile playing on his lips. Cas nodded and within seconds, his arms were full of his son.

Dean watched them, a smile playing on his lips. When they broke apart, Sam offered Castiel his arm. Cas had looked at it before taking it and being pulled into a hug by the taller man.

Dean removed himself from the floor and helped Jack up. When Sam released Cas, Dean stepped in front of him.

“It’s real,” Dean said, looking into Cas’s eyes.

Cas nodded. “Thank you for saving me, Dean.”

Dean finally closed the distance between them and pulled Cas into a bone crushing hug.

“I missed you, baby,” Dean muttered against Cas. When he realized that he’d said baby instead of buddy, he could feel heat rising to his cheeks. He removed himself from Cas and grinned sheepishly at the floor. There was a weird fluttering feeling in his chest. He wrote it off as the adrenaline that was still pumping through his veins.

Cas, for what it was worth, didn’t seem to notice the word. “I missed you, too, Dean.”

-

That was two weeks ago. Since then, Dean has been avoiding talking about it. Not just his slip, though, the things Cas had said to him before The Empty came and took him. It wasn’t that Dean didn’t feel the same way - he just didn’t know if he did or not. He likes Cas and he’s his best friend. He knows he likes spending time with him. Sometimes he’s overwhelmed by how fond of his friend he is, but he doesn’t read too far into that.

Plus, things hadn’t changed between them. They still watched movies together in the Dean Cave a couple nights a week. Castiel would always come and join Dean in the garage when he was working on any of the cars they kept. Dean would greet him with a, “Good morning, Sunshine,” every morning from his place at the table. The only thing that had changed was that they didn’t have the end of the world looming over their heads. Honestly, this is the happiest he’s been in a long time. Getting Cas back meant that they’d tied up their loose ends and now they could relax. Of course Dean had never felt this happy, they’d never so resolutely saved the world like they did this time around.

Dean is sitting at the table, now, staring at the laptop screen in front of him. There were still monsters, there might still be a case somewhere. In the back of his head Dean knows he doesn’t really want to find a case. He’s been enjoying his time with Cas and Sam. He likes that the most pressing thing he has to worry about is whether or not the fridge is stocked. He knows Sam has been getting stir crazy, though. Maybe he’ll find a case and send Sam off, encourage him to get Eileen in on it.

The sound of footsteps draws Dean’s attention away from the laptop. Castiel pads into the room. He’s wearing one of Dean’s hand-me-down shirts, even though he hasvclothing of his own. Part of pulling Cas out of The Empty meant leaving his grace behind. Jack had been pretty clear - Cas’s grace was the reason Jack was unable to just pull him out. So, here Cas is, as human as Dean, wearing Dean’s shirt. A smile threatens to break on Dean’s face.

“What’re you up to?” Dean asks.

Cas turns to face him. Dean notices toothpaste stuck to the corner of Cas’s mouth, he must have just finished brushing his teeth.

“It’s almost lunch time,” Cas says. “I was going to make myself something. Are you hungry? I can make enough for two.”

Dean shakes his head. “Just ate,” he says. “You, uh -” He gestures vaguely at Cas’s mouth.

“I what?” Cas asks, tilting his head a little.

“Baby,” Dean starts as he gets up from his chair to walk over to Castiel. “You have some toothpaste. Right there.”

Cas stares at Dean, wide eyed. Dean resists the urge to roll his eyes and grabs a napkin from the table. He wipes at Castiel’s mouth before he crumples the napkin and walks it over to the trash. Cas watches his movements.

“What?” Dean asks when he notices Cas staring at him. It’s not that he minds, Cas just looks a little lost.

Cas just shakes his head and puts a smile on his face. “Nothing. Thank you, Dean. I didn’t realize.”

“It’s part of being human, man. No worries,” Dean says, depositing himself back in his chair. “You gonna eat in here?”

“Yes, of course,” Cas says, finally moving from where he was stopped.

Dean nods in his direction before he pats the chair next to him, smiling up at his friend. He returns to his research as Cas busies himself in the kitchen.

-

Two days later, Sam is gone to go after a nest of vamps and Eileen’s place just happens to be on the way there. Dean isn’t quite sure why Sam hasn’t just asked her to move in. He’s pretty sure Sam had refrained before because Dean had been a wreck with Cas gone. It was probably better for Dean and Eileen’s relationship that she hadn’t seen him like that. But now, there was no reason for her not to be here. She was family, after all.

Dean knocks on Cas’s door, ending his stream of thoughts. Dean was kind of bored and he hadn’t taken Cas anywhere but the supermarket since they’d brought him back. And, come to think of it, Dean couldn’t remember the last time just he and Cas had gone out for drinks.

Cas answers the door already dressed. “Dean. I was actually coming to look for you.”

“Well, I found ya first,” Dean says, putting an easy smile on his face. “Was gonna see if you wanted to come grab a drink with me. Looks like you’re going somewhere, though.” He didn’t want to press, but where on earth could Cas be going? It wasn’t like he really knew anyone around here outside of Sam and Dean. And if someone they knew was in town, why hadn’t Dean heard of it?

The ends of Cas’s lips turn up slightly. “I was going to ask you the same thing.”

Dean lets out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding and beams at Castiel. “It’s a date, then. Give me five minutes and I’ll meet you at Baby.”

Cas nods at Dean’s retreating figure and mumbles, “It’s a date,” before shutting his door to walk to the car.

Dean meets him there a few minutes later. “Had to grab my keys,” he says, holding them up for Cas to see.

The drive to the bar passes in comfortable silence, Cas staring out the window at the passing buildings. Dean drums his fingers on his steering wheel. He glances to Cas a few times; he almost can’t believe Cas is really back. He’d been gone for two months. Dean had spent most of that time frantically reading through every lore book and the rest drinking until he couldn’t remember the pain. It had been Jack that finally suggested opening the rift and leaving Cas’s grace behind. Dean had been ready to go almost immediately.

Now that Castiel was back, Dean felt better than he had in years. A warm feeling had settled over him after they fell through the rift and it stayed around. Whenever he was with Cas he could only describe the we he felt as “content.” Like now, for example, he could drive all night like this and be pleased with the way he spent his evening.

They pull in and Dean holds the door to the bar open so Cas can walk through. “Grab us a table and I’ll get drinks,” he says, clapping his hand over his shoulder and walking past him to the bar.

He gets the bartender’s attention pretty quickly. “Hey, Lynn. Slow night?” he asks.

She rolls her eyes at him and pushes a stray strand of blonde hair out of her face. “It’s a Wednesday, what do you expect?” She gives a little chuckle and leans against the bar. “Where’s your brother?”

“Sammy’s with his girlfriend. Won’t be back for a few days,” Dean says easily. “Left me alone with Cas over there.”

Lynn looks past him at Castiel, who is seated at a booth in the corner. He’s looking around the mostly empty bar, seemingly taking in the neon signs advertising different kinds of alcohol. He’s wearing one of Dean’s flannels, Dean realizes belatedly.

“He’s cute,” Lynn says. She turns her attention back to the man in front of her. “What can I get for you two?”

“Two beers,” he says. And then, as an afterthought, “And two shots of your top shelf whiskey.”

She grins. “Celebrating something?”

“Come to think of it, yeah,” Dean says. “He, uh.” He looks for the words. “Just got back from a work trip. Gone for a couple of months.” That sounds like a good cover.

“I bet he’s happy to be home,” Lynn says, setting the beers in front of Dean before turning to grab a bottle from the shelf behind her. “You seem happy that he’s back.”

It’s Dean’s turn to grin. “I’m freaking thrilled. Dude’s my best friend.”

Lynn slides the now filled shot glasses toward Dean. “Want a tray to carry all that?”

Dean doesn’t get to answer before she’s sliding a tray toward him. “You need a tray,” she says, putting the drinks onto it. “I know you were going to try to carry all this over there without one.”

Dean thanks her and slides the tray onto his left arm, steadying it with his right hand. He turns toward the booth Cas is in and flashes him a smile while he lifts the tray slightly, indicating the beverages.

“That my shirt?” he says when he gets to the table. He sets a beer and a shot down in front of Cas.

Cas looks down at the flannel and then back at Dean in a way Dean can only describe as bashful. “Yes. It must have gotten mixed in with my laundry. I can return it, if you want.”

“Keep it. Looks better on you anyway.” Dean picks his shot up and motions for Cas to do the same. “We’re celebrating, Cas.”

Cas picks up his shot and looks at Dean curiously. “What are we celebrating?”

“You’re back!”

Cas smiles warmly. “I am,” he nods. “Thanks to you.”

“Well, Sam and Jack helped,” Dean says, grinning.

“To humanity,” Cas says, raising the shot.

“To humanity,” Dean echos before taking the shot.

Cas makes a face after he downs his and raises his beer to his lips to chase the taste away.

“You’ve not had a drink since you got back,” Dean remarks, watching Cas take a few long drinks from the bottle.

“You haven’t either,” he replies.

Dean contemplates the statement. “Really?” He takes a sip of his beer. “I guess I’ve just been busy.”

They both know that isn’t really true. Dean’s only been engaging in leisurely activities, he’s just not been drinking during them. He wonders for a moment why that might be. It’s probably because he doesn’t have any pain he needs to ignore, he thinks.

“Your tolerance is going to be shit.”

Cas shrugs. “I’m a cheap date.”

Dean looks at him for a moment before laughing. Cas gives him a genuine smile before returning to his beer.

Several beers later, Dean cuts himself off. Someone has to drive home and Cas is more than a little giggly on the bench across from him. He takes a sip of his third beer and gives Dean a measured look.

“What?” Dean asks, putting a soft smile on his face. “See something you like?”

“Yes,” Cas says.

Dean grins back at him. There’s a tug somewhere in his chest, but he ignores it. “Anything on your mind?”

Cas just looks at Dean, clearly deep in thought. “Not really, no.”

Dean laughs and shakes his head. “Want another?”

Cas’s beer is still half full. “Another what?”

“Another drink. Or another shot.”

“Another shot might be nice, actually.”

Dean smiles at him. “That’s my boy. I’ll be right back.”

He returns to the bar and waits for Lynn to walk over to him.

“Two more?” she asks.

“Just another shot,” Dean says. “I’m driving but huggy bear over there can have whatever he wants.”

Lynn shakes her head and pours another. “You two been together long? I haven’t seen him in here.”

Dean blinks back at her and then looks down at the shot. “Actually we, uh, we haven’t talked about… that. Being together.”

She frowns at Dean and he takes a breath. He hadn’t been avoiding it, really. He and Cas had just fallen back into their comfortable rhythm.

“He doesn’t know how you feel, does he?” Lynn asks. She looks a little sad now.

“I guess he doesn’t,” Dean says thoughtfully.

“You should tell him.”

Dean looks up at her.

“Not tonight, though. He should probably be sober.”

Dean nods and grabs the shot. “Thanks, Lynn.”

He sets the shot down across from Cas when he gets back to the table. “For you.”

Cas downs the shot as Dean settles back down across from him. “What were you two talking about?”

Dean stares at Cas. He knows he shouldn’t lie but if he says anything Cas may actually want to talk about his feelings and Dean isn’t ready for that. He doesn’t really have words and he’s not even sure he’s fully processed Cas’s confession yet. And, Lynn was probably right. Cas should be sober for that particular conversation.

“Sam,” Dean lies easily. “This is where we come for drinks. Neither of us have been by in a while.”

Cas accepts the lie and sips from his beer before starting a conversation about Jack and the prospect of weekly family dinners.

By the time Cas had finished his beer the shot he’d taken seems to hit him. “Dean.”

“Cas.”

“I’d like another shot.”

Dean raises his eyebrows. “You can get it.”

Cas frowns at Dean before swinging his legs to the end of the booth to pull himself out. He pushes himself up on the table and wobbles a little before Dean is up and at his side, steadying him.

“When you don’t stand it hits you all at once,” Dean explains. He’s gripping Cas’s bicep and shoulder.

“I know how drinking works, Dean. I spend all my time with you.”

Dean chuckled low in his throat. “How about we get you home?”

“Can I drink there?”

Dean turns Cas to face him fully. “Hell yeah, you can.”

“You’ll be drinking, too?”

“Well, yeah. I won’t have to drive us anywhere. Can’t let you have all the fun.”

Dean walks Cas to the Impala and deposits him in the passenger’s seat. “I’ll be right back, baby. I have to pay the tab.”

Cas stares at Dean for a moment before opening and promptly closing his mouth.

“I’ll leave the door open in case you hurl. And I’ll get a bag from Lynn.”

Dean returns to see Cas has closed the door and is currently slumped against it, sleeping. He rolls his eyes and drives him home, careful to avoid the bumps on the road. When they get home, he shakes Cas awake.

“‘Morning, Sunshine.”

“It’s not morning, Dean,” Cas replies groggily.

“Nope,” Dean says, leaning over to pull Cas out of the car. “Let’s get you to your room.”

They make their way through the bunker slowly. Dean sits Cas down and gets him out of his shoes and, after a brief moment of hesitation, his jeans. Once he’s gotten Cas under the blankets, he gets a glass of water from the kitchen and a few tylenol from the bottle he has stashed in his room.

“Alright,” he says, setting everything down on Cas’s night stand. “Take the tylenol when you wake up. You’re probably going to be hungover. And drink some water, okay?”

“Yes, Dean,” says the Cas sized lump under the covers.

“Let me know if you need anything else, okay? I’m right down the hall.”

Dean turns to leave but Cas makes a noise. Dean turns back around.

“Thank you for taking me out tonight, Dean. I had fun.”

Dean smiles. “I had fun, too. Get some sleep, baby.”

He flicks out Cas’s lights and reminds himself to stop calling Cas buddy. The dude loves him and Dean’s probably making it hurt or something. Plus, he’d accidentally called him baby when he’d first gotten back from The Empty. Dean’s probably sending him mixed signals. He shuts the door behind him and walks to his room; he knows he should probably figure out what to say to Cas. Unfortunately, he was pretty sure that meant poking at that warm, fluttery feeling that seemed to be permanently in his chest.

-

Sam returns from the hunt a week later. He assures Dean it was an easy hunt and that he and Eileen hadn’t needed any help. He also admits to spending a few days with Eileen after they’d taken out the nest.

“How is she, anyway?” Dean asks, handing a beer to Sam and setting one on the end table next to Cas. They’d been watching old western’s in the Dean Cave when Sam got home. Cas had wanted to spend the day watching movies and Dean had agreed on the condition that he got to pick the movie.

“She’s good. She misses you two,” Sam answers.

“Tell her to get her ass out here,” Dean says. “She’s family at this point, man. She should be here, anyway. It would make hunts easier.”

Sam shook his head, smiling. “That’s the first hunt I’ve been on since we beat Chuck. You still haven’t been out.”

“Hey, I’m keeping Cas company. He’s still newly human,” Dean argues.

“You could go hunt if you want, Dean. I’m capable of taking care of myself. I don’t mind,” Cas says from the couch. Dean looks over at him and shakes his head.

“Nah, you’ve been back less than a month. We gotta make sure you have your sea legs before I go anywhere, baby.”

The words left his mouth effortlessly. Sam and Cas just stared at him for a second before Sam coughed.

“It’s great seeing you guys but I’m going to go shower and pass out for a few hours,” he says before making a quick exit toward his room.

“Fine, Sammy. We didn’t want to hang out with you, anyway,” Dean shoots back before collapsing onto his side of the couch.

He hits play on the movie and settles in. He has his own bottle of beer pressed to his lips when Cas speaks.

“Dean?”

“Yeah, Cas?” he replies, lowering the bottle from his lips.

Cas is quiet for a moment. “Why do you keep calling me ‘baby’?” he asks carefully.

Dean stares back at him. “I only called you that once,” he says, on guard now. Had it slipped out again? He didn’t think it had but now he’s not so confident. He sets his beer bottle down.

“No, you’ve done it five times.” So, it had slipped out again. More than once. “You did just now before Sam left.”

Dean is silent, unsure of what to say. He hadn’t even realized it had come out. “I’m sorry,” he finally decides, lowering his gaze from Cas’s stare for a brief moment.

“I don’t mind it,” Cas says quietly. He’s looking somewhere to the left of Dean, his eyes occasionally flickering to Dean’s face. “I thought you were doing it on purpose, is all.”

Dean can’t seem to form a fully coherent thought. He knows he needs to say something - mention Cas’s confession, maybe. But he doesn’t have the words for that yet. Instead he says, “Do you want me to stop?”

“I want you to do it on purpose,” Cas says, looking down. Dean can see the beginnings of pink on the top of his ears. He’s overwhelmed with an ache somewhere in his chest.

Dean doesn’t know why, but he slides in close to Cas. He reaches his hand out and lifts his chin so their eyes meet. “Anything you want, baby,” he says, softly. The fluttering in his chest is more insistent now.

He hears Cas’s breath hitch. Cas closes and opens his eyes before saying. “Can I ask something?”

“Of course,” Dean says, his hand still resting on Cas’s chin.

“Will you kiss me?”

Before Dean registers what he’s doing, he nods and ducks his head in. The kiss is chaste and quick but Cas leans in and responds gently. When they break, there’s a soft smile on Cas’s face.

“Cas,” Dean says, moving his hand to Cas’s cheek. “I, uh. I need to talk to you about. About what you said. Before you… Ya know.”

“When I told you I loved you?” Cas supplies, his eyes half-lidded.

“Yeah,” Dean says, chuckling lightly. “I. I think I do, too. I just haven’t -”

“You don’t have to say anything, Dean. You know that.”

Dean brings his mouth gently back to Cas’s and kisses him again. This time just a little longer, his other hand finding Cas’s waist.

“It was just so easy when you got back,” Dean says when he pulls away. He tries to find any string of words that expresses how he feels. “I didn’t think I needed to say anything but…”

Cas stares at Dean, encouraging him to keep going. Dean can feel his face heating up.

“Lynn asked how long we’d been together,” he says, lamely. “The bartender,” he adds.

“I didn’t get to meet her but I remember her name.”

Dean smiles at him and takes a breath before speaking. “And I told her we hadn’t talked about it. And she looked really sad. I realized I do need to say something.”

They’re silent for a moment and then Dean says. “Holy shit. That was a date.”

Cas looks confused. “You told me it was a date.”

“I did?”

“Yes. When I said yes to going with you, you said ‘it’s a date.’” Cas says.

Dean shakes his head. “It’s… It’s an expression, Cas,” he says. Then, “But, uh, that was a date. I think.”

“Dean. Did you want it to be a date?” Cas asks. His voice is lined with both patience and amusement.

Dean pauses for a minute before saying, “Yeah. That was our first date.” He leans in and presses another kiss to Cas’s mouth.

Cas kisses back and then pulls away a little. “Would you like to go on a second date?”

Dean makes a show of thinking. He hums lightly.

“Dean.”

“Yeah, Cas. I do,” he places a kiss on the side of Cas’s mouth before he drops his hand. “I, uh, I don’t really know what to say but… You can have me, if you want. You’re just going to have to work with me. I don’t really know what I’m doing here.”

“We’ll figure it out,” Cas says.

Dean places a kiss on Cas’s cheek before he turns back to the TV and starts the movie. Cas reaches across to grab his hand, intertwining their fingers in the space between them.

“Hey, baby?”

Cas’s head pops up in response to the pet name, there’s a faint smile on his lips. “Yes, Dean?”

“I love you.”

Cas beams at him before replying, “I love you, too.”

Dean turns his head back toward the TV but spends a better part of the rest of the movie sneaking glances at Cas. He indulges the warm feeling in his chest, even if he doesn’t quite have the words for everything yet.

[rennerator]

I wonder how they would do it! Probably would be like how Bobby and Jack appeared there in the last episode of Season 1, right? But, the thing is, would Cas and Dean "interact" there? It seems like, no. I wonder if maybe then it would have been a "tease" for Season 2, or something like that! But, if I am not mistaken, Berens has said that they would do the Season as having an "ending" without things "left in the open" or something like that. BUT, I LOOOOOOVE that Misha is, YET AGAIN, showing HOW MUCH he cares about Cas and wants RESOLUTION for his character!!!! I hope that the "fans" that were being AWFUL and DISGUSTING and HATING on Misha for "not WANTING" to be Cas anymore or for NOT CARING about Cas and the Show, ARE EATING THEIR WORDS NOW!!!!! Thank YOU MISHA, THANK YOU!!!! S2 Thank YOU for FIGHTING FOR CAS and for wanting GOOD and MEANINGFUL RESOLUTION for Cas!!!! I LOOOOOVE The Winchesters and I AM still SO SAD that we didn't get a Season 2 and onwards!!! But, again, they WANTED Cas THERE, and they would have made a little cameo with him, why couldn't they make a LITTLE NOD to him then in the Finale there, when they knew they wouldn't have Cas in it anymore? They didn't have Sam in it, BUT, they made SURE to have him been mention and have IMPORTANCE related to the plot of the show! I wish they could have put just a LITTLE nod to Cas there. Like I said before, it could have been just a dressing choice, a PHRASE CHOICE, a LITTLE PAINT IN THE WALL... I would EVEN take Baby's plate as a NOD to Cas, IF someone in it had brought attention to it! Anyways, I am rambling... I LOOOOOOOOVE that question there!!!! YES YEEEES YEEEES!!!!! Thank YOU SO SOOOO MUCH for asking that question there!!! And, THANK YOU MISHA, for that answer there!!! I gotta say, maybe I am just too naive and too trusting, but I do BELIEVE that they wanted to do more with Cas, maybe for the next seasons and all that... But, like I said before, it is just weird that they didn't try to just put a little nod/importance to Cas there even more knowing that it could have been the finale of the show... I have to be honest here, me as a fan of the show and a fan of Cas, I felt hurt and excluded there when there were mentions and nods to Jack, Bobby and Sam but NONE for Cas in the Season 1 Finale... Let's HOPE HERE for the anime sequel! \o/ XD I have to say, THIS MADE ME HAPPY!!!! Hearing Misha say ALL the things that WE, Misha and Cas fans having been saying ALL ALONG, IS a very good feeling!!! Again, I am hoping here that ALL of the "fans" that were dismissing Misha and being HORRIBLE to him and saying how he didn't want to be Cas anymore and didn't CARE about Cas or the fans are EATING THEIR WORDS now and being ASHAMED for HOW VILLE they were to him!!! Thank YOU SO SOOO MUCH for sharing this with us!!!! You are AMAZING!!!! :) <3 Also, I WROTE SOO MUCH but forgot to talk about HOW PERFECT that answer from Misha is!!! YES, MISHA, YEEEEEESSSS!!! I am ALSO on the train for Cas still being in The Empty and seeing him being RESCUED!!!! I would like Dean to rescue him? OF F* COURSE, but if "not possible", AT LEAST, let us have SOMEONE rescuing Cas there and it BEING SHOWN!!

The Winchesters were going to have Castiel on(they knew his popularity), but only for ratings and only for a one off moment while avoiding anything from before. They were gonna do to Cas what they did with the other characters from og spn, just have Cas on for a couple of scenes and say a few lines. Seems like Misha was like "naw" and went to Jensen letting him know if his show was gonna have Cas, they're not doing some cameo and avoiding canon moments from spn. Misha wasn't doing it that way and it seems Jensen agreed(had no choice, really) when Misha went to him about it. They talked that out and agreed more would be needed for Cas. As it should be.

[autisticandroids]

Oh patron saint of mpreg, tell us, what is the absolute gold standard canon divergent mpreg scenario with Cas and Dean?

so for me the gold standard is for cas to get pregnant due to some kind of magical or metaphysical situation that dean at least does not perceive as sex. bonus points is cas is hesitant about it but refuses to explain why (because he doesn't know how dean will deal with the concept of himself being able to potentially get cas pregnant), so dean is like "we're doing it anyway" and then they do it and then cas doesn't tell anyone that he is pregnant until circumstances force the information out of him. and then dean has to deal with the fact that 1) cas can get pregnant, 2) cas is pregnant, 3) it's his, and he does so pretty poorly.

the rest is under a cut because this post is over 2.5k words long.

my favorite times for this to happen are at the end of season nine, just before dean dies and gets demonized in do you believe in miracles, and at the start of season twelve, just before sam and dean go to jail, because the pining in both those scenarios is delicious but it is so much more powerful if cas is also pregnant, and never even told dean. double points if the truth somehow comes out while they're separated so when dean comes back it's like. yeah cas is pregnant. it's yours. welcome home dean now you have to coddle cas' emotions because he thought he would have to raise your baby alone.

the season twelve scenario is particularly delicious because 1) we can have lucifer slut shaming cas in front of crowley in rock never dies, so crowley knows before dean, and 2) much more importantly, mary is there, and i am obsessed with like. okay. several things.

- the idea of mary getting all baby fever because she misses her boys and this is like. a baby she can take care of because she never got to take care of sam

- the idea of dean working through some of his parentification trauma by coparenting a child with the parent whose place he felt he had to take

- the idea of mary coming in and projecting her insane 1980s gender roles all over cas, suddenly treating him like a woman, stripping him of agency, etc. and like. dean would also do this even though he's not from the eighties, but mary would do it double strength, and they would reinforce each other, it would be a nightmare

- also mary trying to relate to cas on the Travails Of Motherhood etc. and cas being like ?????????? like i cannot stress enough that the weird gender roles she projects onto cas are also standards that she held herself to back when she was a Wife And Mother. while cas is like mary i am not a human woman and also i don't see what "having to look pretty for my man when i'm all baby bloaty" has to do with anything. that's not something i feel like i have to do

oh and 3) could you imagine lily sunder has some regrets if cas was pregnant? unfathomable episode. like ishim and mirabel's reaction but ALSO lily's. and it would fix the number one issue i have with lily sunder, which is that the resolution of the moral dilemma is "well AKSHUALLY the kid was human and not a nephilim so killing it was bad" rather than "it was bad to kill lily's baby, full stop." like ishim's cover up and using the machinery of power to manipulate the truth is very compelling, but the fact that it results in the moral essentially being "it would have been okay if the kid had been a nephilim" suuuuuucks.

basically, there's a reason i have two entire mpreg aus set in season twelve.

and then the delicious part in the season nine version is like. one, dean is away for much longer and he could be anywhere. also he's a demon and he's cheating on cas with crowley. and then even when cas gets him back he's still cursed with the mark, so we can get all weepy over that. you know. i'm the one who's going to have to watch you murder the world and i'm eight months pregnant. etc etc.

but the other thing that's juicy about this version is that cas is still semi-involved with the other angels at this point, like he's roadtripping around with hannah and they're trying to get heaven under control, so carrying a nephil is going to really affect those relationships. so he's going to be probably disliked by the other angels, and there are MANY opportunities for slut-shaming, but at the same time, the other "outcast" type angels might respect him for violating heaven's dictates.

and then of course there's his grace vampirism victorian wasting disease. in canon he's perfectly happy to let himself die, but if he were having dean's baby he would absolutely not do that, that's dean's baby he's endangering there. so of course there's the terrible guilt of having to kill other angels so he can live, plus potentially preparing to die shortly after childbirth so he doesn't have to keep killing. delicious.

and on top of all this cas can get slutshamed by metatron in, depending on when exactly he gets knocked up, meta fiction, stairway to heaven, and do you believe in miracles. plus stairway to heaven would be insane like all the angels would know that cas is pregnant. they would see it in his grace. like cas' angel army would just. know that he was pregnant with a nephil, and have to accept that because he's their leader. in love with humanity indeed.

i'm trying to think of other good times for this drama with cas getting secretly pregnant through a nonsexual interaction to take place. it would be great in season six. like: he's doing a blasphemy with his body but at the same time he's this big important rebel leader so they can't say shit about him, and also he's pregnant while fighting these big important battles (fun and sexy), AND this is like, hot on the heels of the realization that something about his feelings for dean is untoward, expands beyond the bounds of ordinary friendship and camaraderie. like he realizes that, and maybe even that he has sexual feelings for dean, and then he gets immediately knocked up. stunning.

it would ALSO be extremely fun for it to be some kind of... i don't know, magical longer gestation times, whatever, but for cas to have gotten pregnant sometime in s5 and only realized during the Year Of Lisa. LOVE to watch a man rake leaves while both metaphorically carrying the taint of taboo sexual feelings for him and literally carrying his child.

but the thing about season six is, first of all, cas isn't really... envisioning a future with dean. not the way he does in the later seasons. like does he fantasize about a future with dean? yes. like. he really did watch that motherfucker rake leaves. but it's only fantasy. he expected to never speak to dean again after swan song until dean prayed to him in the third man. he's obsessed with dean, but it's distant. remote.

like, we talk about cas babytrapping dean in the later seasons with jack, and he absolutely does, and he would do it even more if dean got him literally pregnant, but that babytrap is about... how do i put this. it's about winning dean's affection. late seasons cas knows that he's going to die by dean's side. the difference that babytrapping dean makes is that maybe it will get dean to be nice to him in the mean time, instead of discarding him like so much toilet paper.

but season six cas doesn't think of it like that. if he were gonna babytrap dean, it would be in the more traditional sense of forcing dean to stay with him in order to raise their child together. and he would never do that. he wants dean to have a happy future, which in his mind does not include him. like, compare here "he's retired and he's to stay that way" in the man who would be king, where cas assumes that dean is happy without him and expects him to live out his days peacefully without ever seeing him again, to "i'm the one who's going to have to watch you murder the world" in the prisoner, where cas assumes that he will be by dean's side for centuries.

but anyway, the other, much more important problem with season six is that cas has a war to fight. like, in the later seasons, cas really has nothing. even when he's on tenuous good terms with the angels, he doesn't really have a home with them. the winchesters are his family, and he'd give up anything for them. he has nothing in his life. he's at rock bottom, and this becomes truer the further along you go. late seasons cas has nothing he would prioritize over serving the winchesters, and he would be happy dropping anything he was involved in to have and raise dean's baby. parenting would give him a purpose that he no longer has, because everything else has been stripped from him.

but in season six cas has a life outside of them. like yes, he has a war to fight, but he also has a place in heaven, with the other angels. he belongs somewhere, he has solid connections to the outside world. even if he didn't have a war to fight, i don't know how excited he would be to have and raise a baby (even dean's baby) because he simply has other things he could be doing. he's involved in the world beyond the winchesters.

like, the reason cas wants to be a parent is that he is totally alone and totally purposeless. having a child gives him both a reason for being and someone who will always love him and who he can care for. if he doesn't have that hole in his life he might not be so eager to fill it with a baby.

for all these reasons, this plotline really doesn't work in season six, because you simply cannot justify cas not getting an abortion, unless you do something nasty like make angel abortion impossible, which i don't love.

you COULD somehow put the impregnation just at the end of season six, maybe just before the man who would be king, such that cas doesn't realize he's pregnant until he's already godstiel. you guys are unfortunately very aware of how obsessed i am with pregnant godstiel.

actually, @jeanne-de-valois has a concept of like. a single, madness fueled midnight hookup immediately pre-tmwwbk (or maybe even during, but prior to the superman mistake), where cas is simultaneously so stressed from being stretched so thin from the war and the lying and the shady dealings, and so high on being The Big Man In Heaven, that he's bold and out of his mind enough to actually come onto dean, like he just appears one night in dean's bedroom and is like, fuck me, and dean is like 👁👄👁 okay. so they have one single adrenaline and madness fueled hookup, and then everything immediately goes to shit.

and i think that's a great place for cas to get pregnant, and then he doesn't realize until he's become god, or maybe he does and he's just like "i'll deal with it later," either way godstiel is like oh? i carry dean's heir inside me? i will have dean's baby. i will have dean's baby it is my right and also my boon to him and also a symbol of my great and magnanimous love for humanity. and also maybe i will put giant paintings of myself pregnant with his child up in churches. what about that. which would be fun. don't know when he would give birth though. actually it would be insane if he gave birth as emmanuel and was just like. raising dean's nephil when dean found him again. nuts. but it just doesn't really have the same flavor as late seasons mpreg. doesn't compel me nearly as much. like the symbolism of godstiel being pregnant with dean's child is fun and sexy but them actually raising the kid afterwards doesn't compel me nearly as much, so it's better to leave literal mpreg to the later seasons and let godstiel mpreg reside in symbolism and fantasy.

or maybe the fetus gets stolen by the leviathans when cas walks into the lake and dean has to battle his leviathanated nephil daughter as the main villain of s7. like she's dick roman's secret weapon. i think that would be fun, actually. kind of an emma situation but drawn out over the whole season. and he thinks cas is dead for most of it so she's all he's got left of cas and a mess cas left for him to clean up. big sexy.

and as a bonus, i will also tell you the best time, imo, for dean to get pregnant: near the end of season eight. possibly a single, tragic farewell fuck in sacrifice when cas is planning to lock himself away in heaven and they're never gonna see each other again. and this impregnates dean with cas' nephil.

but then cas is human. and he can't do anything about it. like generally if they managed to get dean pregnant somehow, cas would immediately talk him into an abortion (which wouldn't be too hard; dean's natural white midwestern man who doesn't vote aversion to abortion would be at war with the horror of being pregnant, and the horror would win), or might not even inform dean that he's pregnant, and just quietly end the pregnancy without dean's knowledge, because cas would never put dean through that. but if cas is human, he can't do that. and furthermore, that nephil is the last evidence of his angelic nature that persists. it's the last of what he used to be, the last of his grace. and there's something absolutely delectable about that.

then of course dean would have to leave the bunker if he was pregnant with a nephil, because angels would be after him, and he wouldn't want to lead them to gadreel, so i am imagining dean discovering that he's pregnant and then showing up in a panic at the gas n sip like "actually cas i'm also out of the bunker will you go on the run with me?" and then they go on the run and have to live in motels again and cas gets to live with take care of dean who is pregnant with his child which is essentially his dream, and he doesn't have to feel guilty because he's no longer capable of giving dean an abortion so he doesn't feel obligated to get him to have one. ideally cas gets re-angeled just in time to give dean an angelic c-section. or maybe they rely on a normal human c-section in a hospital and cas stays human and they are two humans raising their nephil, which is also fun to me.