#and I understand if you're worried but since he has a therapist then hopefully it's all taken care of (I know its probably more complicated

[quietzap]

.

[absurdthirst]

Coming Home {Zach Wellison x F!Reader}

Rating: Mature

Word Count: 2.6k

Warnings: Mentions of homelessness, pride, anxiety

Comments: Coming back home after your business trip leads to discovering Zach feels more at home and has some surprising news for you.

**I know it's been ten thousand years since I have updated this series! I'm so sorry. Between writer's block and other things irl and fandom it was pushed aside but Zach and Reader still live in my thoughts.

A/N: Chapter 10 of A Room With a View Series

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Click Keep Reading only if you have read the Rating and Warnings and understand the warnings may not be complete to avoid listing spoilers. As AO3 says 'creator chooses not to use warnings'. You also agree that you're the right age to be consuming anything here.

It’s only been three days but you don’t know what to expect when you come home. Not that you have any worries about your apartment, more that you are hoping that you don’t find Zach a worried ball of anxiety. Halfway expecting him to be sitting on the couch if not outside the door as he waits for you. 

Zach has…issues with feeling as if the apartment you share is his home as well. It worries you sometimes, the way that he clings to the notion that he has to pay his way. How determined or sensitive he is about money. 

There have been times that you have thought about offering to help him find a therapist. You know he has hang ups and issues, not just from being homeless for so long but also his time in the military. Wanting him to work out his feelings and maybe focus them in a positive way. The same way you realized you needed to start seeing a therapist after your relationship with Scott. You haven’t brought it up yet, maybe after you've been home for a while. 

Your bag is heavier, plenty of conference swag and you had admittedly picked up some stuff that when you saw it, you had immediately thought of Zach. Especially the tool kit that had been monogrammed with your company’s logo on it. They would put their name on anything and everything. Extra t-shirts and a very lovely appointment book. Hopefully he would use those things for the handyman venture you hope he starts. 

Your keys are in your hand, the relief of just seeing your apartment door almost palpable. Relieved that you don’t see Zach sitting on the floor outside, you smell a delicious waft of food coming from one of the units that makes your mouth water. The airport food is never an option unless you are desperate and you hadn’t been that hungry when you were waiting on your connecting flight. Now, smelling that - you’re famished. 

The second you get your key in the door, the knob twists and flings open. “Hey! You’re home!” Zach’s grin is wide and instantly yours matches. 

You are instantly swept up in a hug that takes you by surprise, both at the ferocity of the hug and the excitement that had been in his voice when he had greeted you. It makes your stomach twist in the best way and your own arms easily hug him tight. “I’m home.” You agree, realizing that the smells that made you drool are coming from your apartment. “Oh god, you’re cooking.” You moan slightly. 

Zach pulls away, smiling at you sheepishly, cheeks noticeably ruddier than they were when he opened the door. “I was hoping you would be home soon.” He admits, reaching up and rubbing the back of his neck before he seemingly remembers himself and practically jumps forward to take the bag that had been abandoned in your greeting. “So I was making lasagna. Homemade, not the boxed stuff.” 

Suitably impressed, you tilt your head and give him a grateful smile. “I am starving and my mouth started watering when I got off the elevator.” You promise him, seeing the table already set and you smile at the sight of wine glasses set out with a bottle of your favorite. Odd, you swear you had drunk the last bottle with him before you had left. 

Zach hums happily and there’s a bounce to his stance while he drags your bag down the hall towards your bedroom. “Good, I’ve spent all day on it.” He reports over his shoulder as you trail along uselessly behind him. Desperate to get out of the ‘professional’ attire and into something along the same speed as what Zach is wearing, jeans and a t-shirt. Although you want to wear leggings. 

“It smells like it.” Of course the house is clean, you expected nothing else from him. Almost obsessive in making sure everything is in its place, you wonder if it’s a tic from the years of homelessness or the military. Perhaps a mixture of both. “I can’t wait to try it.”

“I know you’re gonna be mad…”

Your stomach sinks and the icy dread of incoming bad news floods through your body. When Scott would always try to play something off he would say those words. Normally followed up by ‘you’re being dramatic’ or ‘it’s not a big deal’. You tense slightly and try to plaster a smile on your face. 

When Zach stops, setting the bag near your closet door, he must see the dread that you haven’t managed to cover up quite yet. “What’s wrong? What did I do?” He asks, shoulders starting to creep up as he shoves his hands in his pockets. 

“I- no, nothing.” You shake your head and wave off his concern as you toss your bag on the bed and turn back to him. “What am I going to be mad about?” 

“Oh, uh-“ Zach looks sheepish and you wonder if something broke while you were gone. No, Zach would be in full panic mode trying to explain if that were the case. “I bought dinner tonight for us using the money that I’ve been paid.” He explains quickly, making the shoulders that are starting to pull up around your own ears slowly lower. 

It’s almost on the tip of your tongue to protest, to tell him that he should have saved the money for himself but the gleam in his eyes makes you stop short. Pride. Not the battered chip on his shoulder that he had held onto for so long that would make him slap away any friendly helping hand. This is the pride of accomplishment. The pride that he has provided something for you and himself. 

Instead of protesting, your face blooms into a wide smile, knowing how proud he is of the fact that he has bought the ingredients to make this meal from money that he’s earned. It’s a step towards regaining lost and trampled on confidence. “Then I’m glad my flight didn’t get delayed.” You hum, reaching out and touching his shoulder. “Let me get out of these work clothes and maybe we can drink some of that wine I saw out?” 

God, you love that slow, wide grin. The happiness that is practically shining on his face as he nods quickly, almost hopping back and whirling around as he reaches for the door knob. “I’ll get it open!” He promises as he closes the door behind him. 

You wonder what happened while you were gone, what caused this seismic shift in his attitude. Was it really just the pay from the handyman work that was putting this pep in his step? Or had something else happened to make him glow like a neon light? Those are the things you ponder on while you change out of the stiff clothes meant for a business meeting and exchange them for worn soft leggings and a t-shirt. Keeping your feet bare so you can wiggle your toes, you trot down the hall feeling relaxed and excited for the meal but mostly the company. 

The trip had been good for you, allowing you to come to a conclusion you had been avoiding for a while. You are interested in Zach. Not in a roommate kind of way, but because you were surrounded by charming, socially engaging men at the conference - and all you wanted to do was curl up on your couch with Zach. At first, you thought it was because one of them reminded you of Scott, but then the thought quickly fled when you realized you were bored. 

They bored you. Egotistical and self-centered, they wanted to talk about themselves. How their 401ks were doing or how the latest trending stock was going to make them a killing come the next opening bell. They didn’t listen, they didn’t ask questions. They ran their mouths for hours without saying anything of substance. 

You had almost sent Zach a text over a dozen times, but ended up closing out the messages. Not wanting him to think that you were worried about him being alone at the apartment or checking up on him. He wouldn’t have believed you if you had told him the truth. You would rather talk to him about the weather than you would the men who had come up to you to chat and network. 

Zach is hustling around the kitchen as you walk out, making you smile again at how happy he looks. You idly wonder how much he was paid, but you won’t ask, never wanting him to think that you are worried about him suddenly starting to pay for expenses and feel pressured. You’ve come to know and anticipate how he’s going to react and it hadn’t escaped your attention that the hundred dollars was still sitting in the entryway bowl where you had left it. You had honestly anticipated it, but it made you feel better to leave him with an emergency slush fund. 

“Let me pour that wine for you.” Zach slaps a dish rag over his shoulder and moves over to the wine where he had obviously uncorked it, letting it breath for a few minutes before he picks up one of the glasses and starts to pour. It’s not an expensive bottle, the brand you drink isn’t pretentious but it is delicious, and it’s going to be even sweeter because you know how much thought he has put into this. 

“Thank you.” His own glass comes next, carefully poured a little lighter than yours. It’s something that you notice him doing on things you love. He will let you have more, a touching gesture for someone who is rebuilding what he has. A glimpse at how thoughtful Zach Wellison can be. When the bottle is back on the counter, you lift your glass slightly. “To making it home from that conference.” You joke. 

Zach chuckles, a warm and soft thing that makes your entire body seem to respond. To melt like wax in a warmer and you want to hear just that pitch of joy from him every single day. “To me remembering what wine you like.” So you had finished the last bottle. Your lips pull wide as you tap the rim of your glass with his and take a sip of the deliciously tart wine. 

It doesn’t take long for the oven time to go off, making him hurriedly put down his glass and go into what you secretly called ‘server’ mode. He had to have worked in a restaurant at least in high school from the way he moves around a kitchen, or maybe it’s just the flair from moving in a space he was coming to believe is his own. Either way, you are shooed towards the table with a disappointed look from him. Like he is disappointed you offer to help, but you take the hint that this is a night where he wants to cater to you. 

Crusty garlic bread is warm, obviously not the frozen stuff but you wouldn’t complain if it was. Soon a heaping square of lasagna is dished up in front of you and Zach is also sitting, his eyes roaming over the table excitedly, making sure that he’s forgotten nothing and it’s instinct to reach for his hand. “Everything looks wonderful.” You gush, making his neck flush slightly, although he doesn’t duck his head down. Instead, he squeezes your fingers and beams. 

“Dig in.” He lets go of your hand and picks up his fork. “It’s a recipe that I found that seemed like it was going to be good.” 

It is. Your moan and rolling of your eyes isn’t just for show. The happy little squiggle in your seat, something that Zach teasingly calls your ‘happy dance’ comes out and you notice that he is watching your reaction. His eyes seemingly softer and his entire aura proud as you dig into the meal. 

“So-” when you finally can speak without your mouth being full of decadent pasta, cheese and sauce, you look over at him again. “Have fun while I was gone?” 

Zach chews his own bite and swallows, rolling his head around his shoulders for a moment before he answers. “Yes and no.” He admits, frowning slightly. “Scott dropped by. But before you get upset-” he rushes out when your face drops. “He left and I don’t think he’s going to come back. He was drunk.” 

You should have known. The heavy knot that had suddenly dropped into your stomach slowly unravels. Obviously it hadn’t been a confrontation, otherwise you know Zach would have called or texted immediately. Still, it makes your eyes flicker towards the door uneasily. “Okaaaaay.” 

“I’ve been thinking about it.” Zach continues on. “Want to change the locks on the door. Or rekey them. He was beating on it when I got home, but it never hurts.” 

You probably should have done that when Scott left, but you had felt safe with Zach here. Instantly, you nod. “Absolutely. Yes. Tomorrow.” 

Zach nods, probably anticipating that being your answer and he looks happy about it. That makes you relax even more, knowing that you will have a new lock, new keys - things that Scott couldn’t have made copies of. “So, you know how you told me that if I needed anything, you would help me?” 

That has your attention. Your eyes find his again and you don’t see anything but hope and maybe anticipation. “Of course.” You smile. “Anything.” 

“Will you help me design some business cards?” Zach asks, shrugging slightly. “I’ve been thinking about checking out the pricing of some tools from the pawn shops. Adding to what you are letting me use. If you don’t mind.” 

You want to roll your eyes at how ridiculous that comment is coming out of his mouth, but you don’t. You refuse to belittle the insecurities that he still holds on to, or pop up. It’s not healthy and you understand trauma response more than you wished you did, so instead of reacting negatively, you bobble your head. “Absolutely! That’s a great idea.” 

There must have been some slight anticipation of rejection on his part because his sigh is audible and he slumps back in his seat with a grin. “Yeah? Great! I’m just- Mr. B on the 2nd floor wants to install a garbage disposal, his apparently quit last year and the Clarks just told me that they have a couple of things for me if I have time and I don’t want to have to run to the store every time I’m working on a new project.” 

You sit back and listen to him plan, ramble really and the utter sense of joy that seems to be filling him as he plots makes you grin. “Yes. All of it, yes.” You agree when he finally comes up for air and you swear that you are about to cry. “Why don’t we work on the business cards tonight?” You offer, making him shake his head. 

“You just came home.” He argues. “You should just sit on the couch tonight. We can worry about it tomorrow.” 

“Tomorrow then.” Agreeing quickly, you wonder if Zach realizes the changes that have occurred while you’ve been gone. When he first moved in, he would have been insisting on getting the ball rolling right away. Afraid of taking advantage or overstepping somehow. Coming home, you’ve found that Zach has a new frame of mind and somehow that makes him even sexier than before. 

[leorawright]

Hi, How would the guys from Tf2 react if they find out that there s/o has chronic Depression and hate themselves... If you not want to do it that's fine :) ps love your work

Don't worry it's fine!

Also please if anyone is having feelings like this please go see a therapist and take care of yourself the world is not better off without you I promise

Mercs with s/o who has chronic depression

Scout

He acts all high and mighty but he's definitely got some insecurities

But you don't even try to act like it's okay and it makes Scout's heart hurt

He takes around a day to just research depression and make a little plan to hopefully help you

That plan includes showering you with compliments everyday and if that doesn't help he'll take you to a therapist

Soldier

He's extremely confused when you tell him you have depression

He doesn't say anything until after he's done a bit of research

He's a little clueless on how to help so when he gives compliments or randomly cuddles you just know that he's trying his best to help even if it isn't really helping

Demoman

He listens carefully when you tell him you have depression

He's really worried about you so he tries his hardest to show you that he cares about you

Even if it feels like no one loves you or even cares know that Demo is trying his hardest to show that he does

He'll get you a therapist and every day cuddle you and kiss you and talk about how amazing you are and how lucky he is to know you

Pyro

When they basically got from you telling them that you have depression is that you're sad and it feels like no one cares

But Pyro does care! So they're gonna do their best to show it

Everyday they'll check up on you every hour to make you're okay or they'll give you tons of physical affection every time they see you

Heavy

He's super concerned for your health when you tell him

First thing he does is schedule an appointment with a therapist for you

Then he'll sit with you for a day and share all the things he loves about you

He tries his hardest to show that he does love you and if no one else does he cares

Medic

He's super confused and conflicted on how to help you

He'll most likely do his own research or go to Heavy for how to help

Eventually he decides to just try his best to he a little more romantic than usual

He'll get you flowers, kiss you more, stop work on time to spend time with you, and tell you he loves you every time he can

Sniper

I feel like he's had depression at some point in time

So he completely understands what you're feeling

He definitely gets you a therapist since that really helped him

But everyday he always shows in his own ways that he loves you and when you're asleep he'll whisper that he can't lose you

Spy

I feel like he's definitely had feelings like that before

He'd never shame you for feeling like that

He just silently hugs you when you tell him and just holds you quietly for a little while

Afterwards he gets you a therapist and spends the day with you trying his hardest to show that he's there for you if you ever need him

[giorno-plays-piano]

Lovers End Part 1

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Warnings: yandere, obsession, emotional abuse, threats, minor depiction of violence, toxic reader and unhinged Bucky.

Words: 1128.

Summary: Your marriage is falling apart, and you're done trying to save it when all your spineless husband does is crying at night when he thinks you can't hear him. Little do you know how horrifying Bucky can be.

P.S. It's not me, it's magnificent @navegandoaciegas and her awesome ideas! Also inspired by TDDUP!

Just in case: this story (hopefully series) doesn't involve beating or death of major characters!

____________

“Seriously, Bucky? Fired?” You clenched your fists, glaring at your gloomy husband furiously and thinking of throwing something heavy at him out of frustration. “This is the second time in just one month. Second fucking time! What the hell is wrong with you?!”

He said nothing, lowering his gaze to the floor: he knew well you were tired of him being unemployed for over half a year now. Since he left active duty, nothing came off like it was supposed to, and Bucky could understand why you were getting more and more impatient with him.

“I’m sorry.” He muttered under his breath, but you cared little for his constant apologies. 

“Oh, are you? Maybe if you were REALLY sorry, you’d already found a way to be useful for once, but nope, all you gonna do is go pity yourself and wait till I take care of you and bring food on the table!” Now you were yelling at him, mad with anger, your blood pressure rising and making you feel unbearably hot. “Do you know who you are, Bucky? You’re a fucking JELLYFISH! You’re boneless! All you do since you left service is pitying yourself and expecting others to pity you!”

Nervously looking up at you, the man swallowed hard; guilt was consuming him, but Bucky knew you had no idea what he had been through. You were unfair to him, he thought, yet he reminded himself it was you who had been taking care of him since the time he returned home broken and lost. Living with a crippled war vet wasn’t easy, and you were tired of his constant nightmares, fears and inability to fend for himself. 

“Please, honey.” The man whispered, shaking his head and lowering his eyes to the floor again. “Let’s stop. I’ll find another job very soon, I promise. Sam said he ha-”

“Yeah, that was what you said last time.” You interrupted him angrily, throwing a wet kitchen towel at him you used when you were cooking today, deadly tired after your night shift. “You know what? I am done with you. I am SO done with you.”

Turning away from him on the heel of your shoe, you quickly threw your dirty apron on the kitchen counter and left, stepping in the corridor with Bucky hurrying after you. No, you were done with that useless husband of yours, this failing marriage, and this miserable life you had now, forced to provide for the both of you and barely making ends meet. You didn’t deserve it. You didn’t deserve to spend your life with someone who did nothing to help even himself, not mentioning you. You knew well Bucky had zero progress with his therapist while you worked your ass off to keep the two of you afloat. 

You were so done with all this.

“Please, honey.” He repeated again, sounded much more worried now as he followed you to your room. “You’re joking, right? I promise I’ll find another job next week! I swear I-”

“You can spend as much time looking for a job as you want.” You barked at him, opening your wardrobe and getting your suitcase out, then proceeding to throw whatever clothes you had inside it with Bucky standing right beside you, looking at all of this with horrified expression on his face. “I don’t fucking care anymore, Barnes. I’m leaving.” 

Deeply shocked, he tried reaching out to you, but you smacked his arm away, enrage your husband dared to touch you, and Bucky frowned. Of course, of the last couple of months you had many fights, but nothing was as serious as this one: it was the first time you were so angry and determined. But you couldn’t be leaving him, right? You just couldn’t be. Bucky knew you loved him dearly, going as far as being the only one he could rely one, the only family he had, the one who agreed to provide for him, somebody who only had a miserable military pension.

No, you loved him, he knew it. You wouldn’t do this to him even if he became just a shadow of a man he was once.

“Honey, you can’t possib-”

“YES I CAN. FUCK YOU!”

Frozen, Bucky stopped, his face deadly pale as you kept throwing your things in the suitcase, grabbing whatever little makeup you had left from your old vanity and almost ready to leave as you emptied your dresser, and all he could do was just stand there and stare at you, unable to believe it was happening.

He could feel the wetness gathering in the corners of his eyes. No, it couldn’t be. You loved him, didn’t you? You said so yourself when he came back home with a prosthetic instead of a flesh arm, crippled, desperate, unable to live with what he had done at war. But you still loved him. You loved him despite him being an unemployed, useless, pathetic soldier who would never become the man he had been once. 

“Please, darling.” He almost plead, his mouth quickly going dry, something caught in his throat preventing him to speak. “Don’t go. I love you. I love you so m-”

“Well, I don’t.” You cut him off immediately, pushing Bucky away from you. “I don’t love you. In fact, I HATE YOU, YOU SPINELESS PIECE OF-”

But before you could finish your sentence, you felt a cold metal arm grabbing your neck so tight you lost an ability to speak within a second, suffocating from your husband’s grip. What the fuck? What was he doing? You tried punching him, shaking with anger: Bucky was clearly out of his fucking mind! Did he think he’d make you stay like this? Did he think you wouldn’t have guts to go to the police? Oh, he was s-

Shit, you realized he was really trying to suffocate you when he didn’t budge, and you felt your throat burning, head spinning from lack of oxygen as your husband slammed you into the wall, a stony expression on his face, his pupils dilating.

Shit, shit, shit. You needed to get out of here. Trying your best to shake him off or at least make him relax his grip, but your efforts proved futile when Bucky lifted you up so only your toes could touch the floor. Did he really lost his mind? Was he going to kill you?

“You’re not going anywhere.” He said calmly, but you could feel the threat in his voice even when you started hearing ringing in your head. “Not now, not ever.”

Seeing stars, you soon lost consciousness, and the world around went dark. Your dear husband must have murdered you.

___________

Tags: @finleyjayne @alexakeyloveloki   ​@helenaeisenhower @villanellevi @hurricanerin ​@void-hoechlin @abyssaint @heeeyitskay @chris-evans-indian-fanfic @navegandoaciegas @rosalynshields @brattycherubwrites @sllooney @angrythingstarlight @lookiamtrying @buckysbunny @soleil-dor @stargazingfangirl18 @dillybuggg @literate-lamb @cosicas-cuquis @sarge-barnes-sir @buckybarnesplumwhore @jaysayey @megzdoodle @gotnofucks @iheartsebastianstan @ninefuckingoneone

[dangan-happy]

ENOSHIMA I'M BALD

TW Ab*se, Self-loathing

To Ms.Yukizome.

First I want to say you're a big comfort to me and I want to apologize if this gets too long.

Okay so starting out, ever since I was a child I was bullied. From Kindergarten all the way up to High School. It was by far the worst in middle school though, that was when kids got physical and would try to hit me at times. But I don't think that's as bad as what they started to say to me during then and High School. It was constant talk about how I was worthless, how I'll never accomplish anything, basically how I don't matter. It still bothers me to this day a lot, and a big reason is because part of that came from home. I know how most kids when they did bad in school their parents would ground them. I got that, yeah, but I'd also get hit sometimes. I even recall one time when I was 9 that my dad was shaking me intensly while yelling at me. He's calmed down a lot more over the years but some of the stuff he said still keeps coming back to me. More recently I remember him even saying something along the lines of what those kids said. How I would never amount to anything in my life, how I was a disappointment, and how my brother and sister were better than me. He said that about two years back, like everything else. But I just can't stop thinking about it. Because of all this I started distancing myself from my family, and people at social stuff, usually only speaking when spoken to. I've always tried to put off what everyone said, but sometimes it just keeps me awake at night. There are nights i'm thinking to myself "what if what they said is true? Maybe I really am worthless." Right now it's almost 2:00 AM, and I haven't been able to sleep yet because of these thoughts. It's been common a lot, and sometimes I haven't been able to fall asleep until the sun comes up, if at all. I'm in college right now, and due to everything that i've been told during my life I've been able to hold a 4.0 GPA for my first semester, and hopefully this second one which is starting off well for my grades but... Even with having the highest GPA in my family now, I don't feel happy. I feel like because of everything i've been told has made even this feel insignificant. Is that wrong? Is it bad that I think that I'm never good enough? I know it is, but I just can't get myself to stop. Would it be alright if I asked for a hug? Again, I'm sorry if this was too long.

Hi there! Aw, you don't have to call me Ms. Yukizome if you don't want to, you can just call me Chisa! I want to be as much of a friend to you as I can! I'm glad I'm a comfort to you, and don't worry, it can be as long as you need it to ok? I'm here to listen and hopefully help!

Oh my goodness, reading about your past made me tear up. You didn't deserve any of that whatsoever. Yes, kids can be cruel, but for it to start so young and for it to get bad so quickly, that's just terrible, and I'm so so sorry it happened to you. You had to go for so long like that, and it just breaks my heart. If I was your teacher, I wouldn't have let that happen. You're deserving of so much more. You didn't deserve anything that happened to you in your school life. The people who did that to you are honestly terrible, and more than anything, they were wrong. You're not terrible, you're not worthless, you're an amazing intelligent person who deserves all the happiness and kindness in the world. I'm sorry that's stayed with you. No one deserves to carry that much pain around with them. Again, I'm so sorry.

And your home life just made things worse huh? I do not like what your father did and said to you at all! He was wrong too. You're not worthless, and he had no right to shake you or ground you like he did! I'm glad he calmed down, but he should have never said those things to you or hit you. You didn't deserve that either. Yes you will accomplish things! It sounds like you already have with that 4.0 gpa! That sure isn't easy to get! Yeah, It's really understandable how all of that stuff has stuck with you. I'm sorry you have to spend so many nights thinking about it. I wish I could gather up all those thoughts and hurt into a little box, and I don't know, throw it out the window onto a boat that carried it far far away or something!

I'm proud of you for making it all the way to college! Your life most certainly hasn't been easy, and getting that far is an accomplishment in itself. Yeah, honestly, I think it's going to take a lot of time to unravel all those feelings. I think it would be a good idea for you talk to a therapist. I want you to get the help you need so you can live the best life possible. You deserve to see the amazement in your accomplishments. I know you don't see it, but I do. You're so amazingly smart. You've come so far, and you're so strong. You're a wonderful amazing person who's already accomplished so much, and you're going to accomplish so much more.

It's not wrong or bad that you think you're not good enough. You were trained to feel that way, so it's not like you're doing anything wrong, does that make sense? This wasn't too long at all! My answer's pretty long too as you can see! Thank you for trusting both me and this blog enough to tell your story. I hope this is the start of a new chapter for you, that will lead to a happy ending.

Sorry, I don't know where all the book metaphors came from! Anyways, of course you can have a hug. Hug me for as long as you want to, I want to take away some of that pain if I can. Please try to look into therapy. I think it'll really help you. Thank you again for telling me. I wish you the best of luck this semester, and I'll be cheering you on the whole time from the sidelines!

[randomestfandoms-ocs]

What usually helps me with motivation is asking myself "what is making me excited about this chapter." So I'm turning that to you. What is making you excited about the chapter to Wayward Daughter you're working on? -Riley

Thank you so much for this!!!  I have a lot of things that I’m really excited for so I broke it down to a top 10 haha!

1. Kevin and Amy friendship

Kevin and Amy have been friends since the very first chapter, and Amy has always had a soft spot for Kevin for being “Joaquin’s boy”, but a lot of their friendship has been superficial up until now, mostly because of Amy’s reluctance to ever risk being perceived as vulnerable.  In this chapter though, Kevin is the first person to really notice how not okay Amy is and is the one who goes out of his way to help.  It took a long detour from my chapter outline but I think it really developed their friendship, and I finally got to explore some elements that have been building behind the scenes for Amy but that no one has addressed until now!  It also introduces their ship tag, which is “he asked if I was okay”, which comes from the scene I’m currently writing – Amy is bitching a bit about Jughead and Toni and “their northsiders” and when she’s asked why her being friends with Kevin is different she explains that a) she’s not dating him, b) he hasn’t historically treated them like shit, and c) when she was completely falling apart, it wasn’t her partners or even her brother who noticed, but Kevin

2. After several chapters of people letting Amy brush off major trauma, they’re finally acknowledging it!  

This actually ties in the most with her scene with Kevin – Amy says some stuff while having a panic attack and Kevin has a moment of confusion before realizing that “oh hey, she’s actually mentioned this stuff before but she says it so casually that I assumed it wasn’t a big deal but clearly it is”.  The problem with Amy is that she keeps the important stuff to herself and when she’s forced to acknowledge it she’s always extremely dismissive of it, so everyone else assumes that she’s not bothered (hell, she mentions that she was raped and then just goes back to watching Glee, and everyone is like “well I guess she’s moved on let’s not upset her by talking about it”), but really she’s just internalizing it and not coping at all, but since no one ever really pushes her to talk, it also leads her to feeling like it’s not important – but finally we’re starting to lay out the groundwork for when Amy is finally forced to start talking about things and has to acknowledge that she’s not nearly as okay as she pretends to be 

3. After 75k of just not really talking about it, we finally get some actual definition on the Serpents’ relationship!

From the beginning, the narration has always used the term “partner” and the phrase “ride or die” to describe the relationship between the teen serpents, but they’ve never really talked much about what they are!  In this chapter we finally get a bit of that, which starts with Amy finding out that everyone at Riverdale High thinks that she and Sweet Pea are dating.  After that, Amy finally explains (one again in that scene with Kevin, that could really be a chapter in and of itself with how much goes on in it lmao) what exactly their relationship is, what Jughead’s involvement is, and even what Joaquin’s involvement was before he left town (finally going back to chapters 1 & 3 where Amy mentions having had some sort of relationship with him but never explaining what that relationship was).  I’ve wanted to start to explain this for a while, and while I’ve talked about it a bit here on tumblr and in depth with some friends, it’s never really fit into the story

4. Honestly just the actual writing!

It’s been a while since I’ve worked on Wayward and the last couple of chapters felt (to me) very rushed and definitely not my best writing.  The episodes that they followed weren’t ones with a whole lot going on for Amy (I’ve plotted out all of season 2 and basically every scene I could think of adding would have thrown off bigger arcs) so they were just... short and rushed and felt very forced.  This chapter on the other hand has gotten way too long just because there’s so much going on, but it’s given me an opportunity to really delve into things again and I think that the actual writing (technically and in terms of content) is a lot better than what I’ve gotten to do in a while and I’m really excited to share that!  Also, clearly, there are a lot of scenes that I’m really proud of and really excited to share with readers (hopefully they like it as much as I do!) 

5. Just, angst

So I’ve definitely never been nice to Amy, but the angst in this chapter makes me really happy (and very sad).  It’s not all big showy angst, or even as extreme as other parts of the story, but it feels extremely poignant.  There definitely are some bigger pieces of angst in this chapter (Amy falls asleep in tears multiple times, for example), but I think that my absolute favourite angsty pieces are actually two of the most subtle ones.  What I love about them being subtle (aside from just how much I love the scenes) is that Amy is a character who we see repeatedly go headfirst into danger and go through very painful situations, but she always gets through them and maintains her illusion of being completely okay all the time (even though she is so not okay someone please get her a therapist) because she can absolutely handle physical pain and she’s gotten used to psychological trauma, but the one thing that Amy cannot handle which is prominent in both of my favourite scenes is being rejected/feeling unwanted, and while she hasn’t had a lot of that yet, we finally get to see something actually break through her walls 

6. We finally start to actually acknowledge Amy’s unhealthy coping mechanisms

This sort of goes with #2 and #6.  Ever since chapter one, we’ve seen Amy having extremely unhealthy coping mechanisms (namely alcohol and sex and trying to ignore her problems) and in this chapter we see that she actually can’t ignore her problems forever, and we finally see people actually looking at Amy and going “hey this is definitely not a good way to deal with shit” instead of the usual “oh yeah that’s just Amy being Amy”, and it’s very satisfying!  Archie has called her out on it once before, but he’s the only one – her partners are so used to it that most of the time they don’t even realize what she’s doing because to them it’s just part of her personality and Jughead has generally hesitated to comment on it because he worries about pushing her away.  As a writer it’s been a bit frustrating to see how much no one seems to realize how self destructive Amy is, so it’s very satisfying to finally get to address it! 

7. Amy & Fangs relationship

So much of the story so far has been very focused on Amy & Sweet Pea, Amy & Jughead, and the poly squad, with a moderate amount of Amy & Toni, but Amy & Fangs hasn’t gotten a lot of exploration so far.  Amy and Toni also explored a lot in this chapter but it’s very much for the worse as Toni begins to prioritize Cheryl over the other Serpents.  Amy and Fangs, on the other hand, have much more positive development and we really get to see them being best friends in one-on-one situations, as well as Fangs being the one who can actually handle Amy’s extreme emotions.  I’ve always had it in my head that they’re sort of two sides of the same traumatized coin, and that Fangs understands Amy better than the others (in part due to his own trauma and in part because Amy, Toni, and Sweet Pea are all just very strong and very stubborn personalities and it tends to be a bit of a 50/50 on whether they’ll actually help each other or just set each other off) and I’m really glad that I finally get to start putting that into the story

8. Amy & Fred!!

I stan one father-daughter duo and that is it.  Granted, Amy has only called Fred her dad as a political move (usually against Hiram) and once in the immediate aftermath of being arrested and severely injured, and is just emotionally not prepared to call him “dad”, but Fred is absolutely his father and absolutely adores his chaotic mess of a daughter!  They’ve had some good scenes throughout the fic but Amy is reluctant to spend too much time around Fred because she’s terrified that one day he’s going to reach his limit and decide that he doesn’t want her anymore, so I haven’t gotten to write them nearly as often as I’d like.  But finally we get to see them interact again, and Amy finally gets the love and support that she deserves and we get a bit of backstory on Amy’s childhood post adoption!  

9. Malachai is finally back

Look, I know that I say this about every dynamic, but Amy & Malachai is very genuinely my favourite dynamic in the entire Wayward universe!  I’m super proud of my personal Malachai in general (as @lorettastwilight and I like to put it, Wayward daughter has “Mal” and Riverdale has “Malachai”) but his relationship with Amy is my absolute favourite thing.  It’s really hard to work him into the story sometimes, in part because talking to Malachai would solve all of Amy’s problems in like 20 seconds, but now there’s finally a chance to do it!  I haven’t actually written it yet, it comes right after the scene I’m currently working on, but Amy is a lot more open with Malachai than she is with anyone else, and I love it!  It’s also a lot of fun to write because it combines vulnerable!Amy, who looks at Mal and sees safety and sees the man who had a completely blackout drunk teenager proposition him and not only turned her down but protected her from anyone who might have tried to take advantage of her, with Serpent Queen!Amy who is political and cutthroat and sees Malachai as as the Ghoulie King and as possibly the only person in town as calculating as she is, and it creates a dichotomy that I really love to explore!  And even though only one other person actually knows their backstory, I’m extremely proud of it and it’s really fun to explore how to build that into their dynamic without ever actually acknowledging it 

10. FIFI THE GIRAFFE

No offence to literally any other character, but Fifi The Giraffe is the absolute best part of the entire Wayward Universe, and I finally get to introduce her to the story!  Not only does introducing Fifi make me happy because Fifi is just like, the best, but it also gives me a chance to really focus on the fact that Amy is fifteen and still a child even though she never shows it around other people, and to get to explore a bit more of nine year old Amy immediately post adoption, and her relationship with Fred and Archie!  Both of those are things that I’ve wanted to explore for a long time but that have never really worked with individual chapter arcs or with the pacing of the larger season arc, so now that I can finally write that, I’m really excited to share it with everyone!

I know this turned into a really long essay and I’m so sorry about that, but thank you again so much for sending me this ask!!! (and you’re totally right, this got me super hyped to get back into the chapter!!)

PS: please enjoy this gif of Amy, Archie, and Fifi!