#and I think we lost all of our money so that means no trip 🥰

[coldhands-sunkeneyes]

I’m gonna fucking throw up

[theflyingfeeling]

Ending the year with Blind Channel + a bunch of some lovely people, aka not-a-concert-report from the Helsinki ice hall show (29.12.) and Tampere Pakkahuone (30.12.)

(let me know if any of you want your (@)mention removed from this post 🖤)

Not a concert report because y'all know pretty much what happened; this is just my own diary entry about the events 😌

So, Thursday was a bit of a struggle for me personally: there were some surprise changes regarding my train trip to Helsinki that gave me a good ol' spook the first thing I woke up, plus I had a killer headache for most of the day...

...and on top of that I fell! 🙈 We were already inside the venue and on our way to take our spots on the floor. Naturally there were all sorts of electric chords going across the floor, but thankfully they were covered so that people walking normally and minding their step wouldn't stumble all over them 🙏👍👌

Needless to say I wasn't one of them, however 🙃 I wasn't running, I was just walking quite fast, and I totally wasn't watching where I was going, and so I tripped and ended up on the floor and had super minor injuries on my hand and knee (thanks @matelas for the pink bandaid 💗)

My fall wasn't quite as dramatic as Porko's though, gosh what a show-off, can't even fall on his pretty little ass without pyros blowing off 🙄🔥

We weren't super close to the stage, but close enough to see what was happening with our bare eyes, and definitely closer than I dared to imagine in advance! 🤩

The surprise Robin was one of the highlights of the gig, that was truly something straight ouf of fanfiction 😆 I mean, imagine being such good friends with your ex that you ask them to be a special guest in your special show with your new bf's band :')

And the money shooting in the air was a m a z i n g 😂💞💸 sadly I didn't catch one, but @thisisntaparty was terribly kind and gave me one afterwards as a keepsake 🥰 I've put it on the Place of High Honour™ (the fridge door)

(let's not talk about how the setlist was a teeeeeeeeeny tiny disappointment (to me personally at least; I was totally excpecting to hear SLB and many other songs they KNOW are fan favourites 😔), and I feel like the show itself wasn't as special I was expecting it to be 🤔 I mean, of course having Robin fucking Packalén there took us all by surprise etc. but somehow I expected more, especially because the setlist was exactly the same the next day in Tampere (and maybe the cruise show setlist was similar as well?). For example, Dark Side being the ONLY encore song wasn't how I had imagined them to end their biggest headline gig to date)

But, speaking of Tampere, HOLY FUCKING SHIT 😭😭😭😭😭 It was incredible, and not least because we were on 3rd row with a direct view to Olli 😵 @matelas and I competely lost it when he first appeared in front of us, in all his sinful beauty ✨

I had never been this close to Olli's side before, so it was amazing to see his happy face during the songs 😭 You can really see from his whole presence how much he enjoys playing shows, I wanted to ruffle his hair too like Niko did during Glory For The Greedy 🥺

And Aleksi was really enjoying himself as well, it was cool to see him up close too when he came to stand on Olli's platform a few times 🥰 I feel like our eyes met very briefly near the end 💖

Niko did the eeeeeeeeyo thingie, as he always does, and we did the longest eeeeeeeeeeeyo known to mankind back at him, in fact I think you can still hear it echoing inside Pakkahuone! 😌

In both shows (and also in general) my favourite songs to hear live are Don't Fix Me, We Are No Saints, and Balboa; I had so much fun boundcing and partying to those songs 💃 I had made a conscious decision to not film too many videos during either gig, because I truly wanted to take it all in and enjoy the shows to the fullest, but at the same time I wish I had taken just a few more, because watching the videos and sort of getting to re-live the whole thing all over again is so much fun 🖤

Great fun was also had at the very informal, extremely small-scale, and otherwise perfectly wonderful BC tumblr gathering we had after the ice hall show in a bar downton Helsinki, and in the Gathering 2.0 after the Tampere show!! 🥰 You guyyyyyyssssss, both hangouts were filled with laughter and kindness and soft feelings and I was so happy 🥺😭💕

(I DIDN'T CRY, but if I did, it was because @himmelno44 made me!! 😭)

Thanks to BC and their superb energy and songs I probably would have had a great time even if I had gone to the shows all alone, but I gotta tell ya, spending time with such lovely people made it so much better and I had the most fun I've had in a long time 🥺

Special thank yous go to my queuing buddies @ladysorbus and @matelas without whom I would've frozen my ass off and died of boredom while waiting for showtime both days (I'll have you know Envy and I acted so incredibly mature the entire time and totally did not annoy the heck out of @ladysorbus and each other 🥰💞)

Thank you to my BC tumblr meet organizer buddy @sinking-into-mist (the meet was succesful and no one passed out due to anxiety, look at us!! 🎉) and my darling dearest sweetest most loveliest @himmelno44 I miss you so terribly much already and I'm counting the days until we see again, no matter how many there'll be 😭

Thank you to @thisisntaparty (keeping the door open for Stockholm shall we 👀) @mil-peri @madeofbrokenstuff @gingervivilou and @into-the-hell for hanging out, it was so nice meeting you and I'm up for getting together with any of you sweet people any time! <3

And thank you to everyone else I met a little more briefly (but not too briefly to get a hug 🥰), it was great to see you all, mwah mwah mwah 💋

And now the emotional part:

This year's been a bit rough for me personally for various reasons, as there has been a couple of changes that I'm still trying to get used to (+ the always-present feelings of loneliness and inadequacy), but Blind Channel has been this one consistent element in my life this year, something I have been able to escape to when things in my personal life have started hurting too much. Their music and all the content on the side (from the guys themselves as well as fan-made) are one thing, but equally important to me are all the amazing people I have met (in person and online!) and the incredible memories we have made together that have given me endless joy throughout the year 🥺 There have been many, many days when I have felt so incredibly sad and lonely and desperate and the thought of being happy has seemed downright impossible, but during the last two days I have laughed so much and felt such joy that I don't really know how to put it into words 😭 I just want to thank everyone who was part of it, and of course I hope to one day be able to meet Blind Channel in person again too and thank them, for giving me so much more than just the music 🖤

To anyone reading this, thinking I'm crying my eyes out all alone in my apartment, having to continue living my sad, boring life not knowing when I'll see Blind Channel and some of the lovely peeps mentioned above again: I am crying my eyes out, but I want you to know I'm also crying happy tears because of how grateful I am for all these memories, and also that I'm happy to sleep in my own bed tonight and to be eating cauliflower soup and having some fun snacks while watching hockey later, so life's not all bad I guess, even if I have a small wound on my right hand and a bruise the size of Niko's balls on my left knee :')

(last night I was actually so happy that I had forgotten all about the falling as well as the hassle with the train 🥰)