#and I think the refusal to address those concerns is a huge part of why the policies dont Stick

[tomwambsmilk]

k so my work put on a conference last week and I only went to the saturday morning sessions but I ended up in a seminar discussion about climate activism. not really my wheelhouse so I just listened for the most part but - I was sitting next to this university prof who was an ex-politician and at one point he was talking about how if pro-environment policies are going to be a priority people need to push their political representatives. and at first I was like yeah totally!! I am big on contacting my political representatives about the things that matter To Me. but then he kind of dismissively said 'recent polling has shown that most canadians care far more about cost-of-living than the environment. and they don't want environmental progress if it'll cost them anything' and everyone sort of ruefully shook there heads and I was just sitting there like.... I think that's extremely valid actually. cost of living has SKYROCKETED and many people are really, really struggling to put food on the table and pay rent. and yeah climate change is terrible and will have potentially catastrophic impacts tomorrow if not stopped but. those impacts are coming tomorrow and people need to eat today. and its all well and good for a bunch of uni profs on tenured salaries to shake their heads because for them 'increased cost of living' means their summer vacation is in canada instead of europe, whereas for a lot of people I know its the difference between living in an apartment and a car. and if you're in that boat, and an environmental policy is being proposed which will negatively impact you financially (either directly or indirectly) I think its actually pretty understandable to be opposed to it

speaking of cars - a really excellent example is the carbon tax on gasoline in canada. the carbon tax is one thing for people who live in toronto, which has moderately effective and affordable public transit. if you live in toronto the choice to drive is, in fact, a choice - so a program which attempts to discourage driving makes sense. but geographically speaking, most of the country is pretty rural. I grew up in a pretty rural area. In those parts of the country, driving is not optional. There's no public transit and odds are most people have a 30-minute drive to work or school or the grocery store. In these areas, being too poor for a car is like being too poor to buy groceries or pay rent - its going to seriously hamper your ability to continue living. So for these people, the carbon tax is a penalty for something which simply cannot be helped, and there's 0 effort on the government's part to provide them with the resources which would give them other options, like affordable public transit. It's just fuck you - your gas bill is going up. And when people are struggling to pay bills, that's no small thing; but politicians consistently paint people opposed to the carbon tax as anti-environment greedy conservatives. And I look at that whole situation and go, honestly? Some of the people complaining do in fact have a point

There are broader examples too.... Canada's national economy is inextricably linked with Alberta's oil industry. If we all stopped using oil tomorrow, not only would hundreds of thousands of people be without work, but there would be millions of dollars in lost tax revenue, plus the shuttering of businesses in alberta due to lost revenue and the ripple effect this would have on jobs and income. That doesn't mean we just keep using oil forever, but it means that any sustainable plan for Canada to move away from oil NEEDS to have a significant economic component which addresses all of those lost jobs and revenue so we don't impoverish an entire province in the process. And yet for whatever reasons government policy always seems to be one or the other, and so of course nobody in alberta is going to support it because you haven't explained what they're supposed to do for work once the oil jobs disappear.

I'm sort of just rambling I guess - I'm just a little frustrated with watching all of this discourse from comfortably middle-class politicians and academics who think that anyone who raises an economic concern is a money grubbing conservative. A lot of them are in fact working-class people who are fearful of the financial implications of these policies and I do in fact think we owe it to them to make sure the poor are not disproportionately shouldering the burden of environmental progress

this is just me thinking out loud but. I do think perhaps maybe there is a problem with politically-focussed environmental activism that doesn't address the economic impact of pro-environment policies. if that makes sense

[makeste]

save no matter what.

so this is going to ultimately be a post about Deku. however, if you’ll be so kind as to indulge me, I would like to start things off by making a point about Bakugou. specifically, I’d like to point out that back in the day before this kid got Character Development no Jutsu’d, people weren’t always so inclined to view his attitude towards winning in the best light. which is a nice way of saying that he came off as unhealthily obsessed, not to mention more than a little unhinged.

sorry for the image spam btw, I just think they’re funny. he’s so demented lmao. KILL DIE CRUSH.

anyway so we’re gonna do the rest of this below a cut before it gets long. but I promise it really is a Deku post lol. don’t let the pre-readmore stuff fool you. I PROMISE THERE IS A POINT, AND WE WILL GET TO IT.

anyway! so yeah, we really didn’t have the best impression of Bakugou’s whole winning fixation at the beginning there. and I mean, it’s not like we had the best impression of Bakugou himself at the start of things either. we were already primed from the very first chapter to see this kid as an adversary to Izuku. the story goes out of its way to paint him in pretty much the worst light possible. which is why what happens next is so interesting.

because one might see all this and think, “holy heck, this kid is off the shits, somebody needs to set him straight pronto and get it into his head that winning isn’t everything.” because that’s almost the natural conclusion to draw. “look at this kid, he doesn’t care about helping other people at all, all he cares about is winning, someone needs to come along and show him that he’s got it backwards.”

except that’s not what happens, is it? because this is where, much to my delight, Horikoshi came along and started subverting expectations. because not only is Katsuki not rebuked for being so obsessed with winning -- it’s pretty much the exact opposite.

the one and only time Deku ever straight up hands Katsuki’s ass to him is when he says he doesn’t want to win. Deku is IMMEDIATELY all, “THE FUCK KIND OF BULLSHIT DID I JUST HEAR OUT OF YOUR TRASH MOUTH,” and that’s when he sets him straight.

the important people in Katsuki’s life never tell him, “hey you need to cool it with the whole winning thing.” All Might and Aizawa never scold him for it, or tell him that he shouldn’t try with everything he has to win, or that wanting to win is a bad thing. on the contrary, they both commend him for it. and ultimately, he’s told by All Might that this desire is actually one of the two fundamental qualities that every great hero needs.

he completely turns the whole thing on its head. not only is it not a bad thing, it’s actually crucial. essential. because what the desire to win really is, at its core, is tenacity. it’s the fiercest kind of determination. it’s not something he should be ashamed of; it’s something that sets him apart, something that makes him worthy. he is someone who refuses to back down no matter what. refuses to give up, no matter what. and this quality, which is initially misunderstood by some to the point where even the villains mistakenly take him for one of their own in the making, is eventually validated to the fullest degree by the person that Katsuki looks up to the most. his desire to win goes from being this awkward “son wtf are you doing” thing to being one of the core philosophies of the series. and ever since then, we pretty much don’t question it.

so why do I bring this up now? well, the answer to that can basically be summed up in one word.

“parallels.”

so here’s the thing. there’s been a lot of talk lately about Deku’s ridiculous, reckless, and absurdly self-destructive desire to save others while having little to no regard for himself. currently he’s lying in a hospital bed, having broken approximately 218 out of the 206 bones in his little hero body (yes, somewhere along the way he found an additional dozen bones to break). it is worrying. it is Concerning. and it’s raised a lot of questions, such as “???” and “wtf is this idiot doing.”

and a lot of people have been pretty critical of him! this is, of course, an ongoing thing with this child, and people have been giving him grief over it going as far back as chapter 6.

while others have been bothered by it going even further back than that.

and I’ve seen these sentiments being echoed pretty frequently in the fandom as well. and there are basically two talking points that I want to address here. the first is the idea that Deku’s aggressive brand of selflessness stems from an inherent lack of self-worth. in other words, because he prioritizes other people’s safety and well-being above his own, and is willing to go to such drastic lengths to save them, there’s this feeling that he doesn’t value himself enough, that he must not care about himself.

but I don’t think that’s quite it. let’s go back to those parallels first, though. let’s take another look at Kacchan.

what I mainly want to call attention to is the intensity here. again, it’s something that at first strikes most readers as being absurdly over the top. the truth is, I think a lot of people simply can’t relate to it. Katsuki cares about winning with a ferocity and a fervor that most people, for better or worse, simply don’t have. I certainly don’t, lol.

but he does. to him it’s not a shallow, superficial thing at all. it’s important to him, perhaps the most important thing. I think we often talk about it in terms of it being a desire, but imo a more accurate way to define it is not as a want, but as a need. in other words, it’s the opposite of the question “what is it this character wants” (i.e. “what is it they can’t live without”)? instead, it’s a question of “what is it they don’t want” (i.e. “what is it they can’t live with”)?

and in Katsuki’s case, the thing he can’t live with is feeling like he hasn’t tried his absolute best. he needs to give his all in everything he does. he wants to win, but winning just on its own is not enough.

it has to be earned. he has to prove to himself and to everyone else that he deserves it. anything less than that is unacceptable. anything less than that, and he can’t be at ease. he can’t be settled. he can’t rest. and so he puts everything he has into winning, even if it means going to extremes. because it’s that important to him.

it’s something that’s at times alarming and even disturbing for others to witness. but nonetheless, it’s a part of who he is, and at the end of the day his teachers accept that, and the story acknowledges that it’s his greatest strength.

so now, to finally bring this back around to Deku, this is what I keep seeing in his character as well. only in his case, the thing he can’t live with is knowing that he didn’t do everything he possibly could to save someone. or to put it another way, Deku, at his core, is someone who cannot rest until he knows that everyone is safe. simple as that. it’s not just a desire to protect people; it’s a need. he needs to know that everyone is safe and protected. otherwise he can’t be at ease. it’s no different from how normal, everyday people aren’t able to feel at ease unless they know that they are safe and that their loved ones are safe. it’s just that in Deku’s case, this same fundamental need extends to everyone, not just himself and his friends and family. everyone. he can’t live with himself knowing that someone was in trouble, and he had the ability to do something to help, but didn’t. and so, if you literally can’t live with not doing something, you basically have no choice but to do it.

and this is what in my opinion defines Deku’s character. Kacchan, in trying to understand it, noted that Deku doesn’t seem to take himself into account. but I think OFA Prime summed it up a little more accurately. “he rages for the sake of others. for them, he does his best until he can do no more. this young man is possessed by a drive to save others that eclipses all common understanding.”

so yeah. it’s not that he doesn’t care about himself at all, it’s that he cares about others even more. he has that same intensity and ferocity towards saving people that Katsuki has towards winning. and just as it was difficult at first for fans to understand Katsuki’s feelings, it’s hard to fathom the sheer depth of that “save everyone” feeling that compels Deku to break his own body in that pursuit. it’s scary, not to mention extremely destructive and dangerous. and so really, it was almost inevitable that there would be some backlash.

but just like Katsuki’s desire to win was ultimately validated in the end, I think Deku’s desire to save others will be as well. in fact it already is being validated, for starters by the other denizens of OFA, led by Lil Bro as mentioned above. let’s go back for a moment to that same scene.

here we get a huge hint that “Deku gets taken down a notch and chewed out and scolded for his recklessness” is not, in fact, the direction that the story is going in. because in general, when the main villain starts mocking the hero and saying that they’ve done something wrong, that’s a very good sign that said hero is actually on the exact right track. like, no offense, but as far as character critiques go, AFO is probably the least qualified person in the entire manga to start offering those up lol. so yeah. if AFO is denouncing Deku for something, and OFA Prime is praising him for that exact same thing, I think it’s safe to say that means he is in fact doing something very, very right.

“okay but makeste, he nearly got himself killed and broke all of his arms AND legs and is now lying in a fucking coma,” you say, gesturing emphatically to the last page of chapter 298. “so I mean, that’s all well and good that Wonder Boy has the best of intentions and all that, but at the end of the day he’s only one kid. he literally can’t save everyone, and if he pulls one or two more stunts like this, he’s going to get himself killed.”

and okay, but this here is the other talking point that I wanted to address. because it’s true, Deku does need to learn a specific lesson here. but that lesson is NOT that he can’t save everyone. this is a superhero story, guys -- “you can’t save everyone” is never going to be the underlying message, ever. it’s the OPPOSITE of the message. Deku is the hero because he tries to save everyone. because he doesn’t give up on saving people no matter what. that is literally the core of the story. it has been since the very first chapter.

so then what is it that Deku actually needs to learn here? well, once again, it all comes back to those parallels.

btw, I really just love how he’s carrying Katsuki there lol. he’s just so done with him.

but anyway. so, the final exam arc. Katsuki initially wants to win at all costs -- but there’s a hitch. because even though he wants to win, he refuses to do so while working with Deku. enter Deku’s left hook, and one impromptu Rival Encouragement Speech later, our boy has thankfully come to his senses.

but here’s the point -- the lesson here wasn’t “you can’t always win.” rather, the lesson that Katsuki needed to learn was that you can’t always win alone.

yeah. so now you can see what I’m getting at here.

“...on your own.”

that’s the key. this is the one and only thing that Deku actually needs to get into his head. wanting to save everyone is fine! his will to save others has never been a weakness -- it’s been the most admirable thing about him from day one. it’s what makes him strong. it’s why All Might chose him. it’s why OFA has chosen him. it’s what sets him apart, and I firmly believe it’s what will ultimately help him save the day and defeat AFO as well. because what other character would look at Shigaraki Tomura, the person who just impaled his friend and destroyed an entire city, and instinctively reach out a hand to try and save him? and if you don’t think that’s going to wind up being key to the final battle, you and I have very different ideas about this series’ endgame.

Deku’s determination to save everyone isn’t arrogance or futility. it is and always has been his greatest strength. but what he’s missing now, what he needs to learn, is simply to trust. y’all might have seen that theory about the Fourth’s quirk, and why All Might was so hesitant to tell Deku about it. basically, the theory (which is based on an attempted translation of the crossed-out parts of All Might’s OFA notebook) goes that the Spidey Sense was so overwhelming that the Fourth -- whose cause of death was one of the things crossed out -- eventually couldn’t bear it, and went to live alone in the middle of the woods somewhere. and possibly wound up killing himself?? all of which is just speculation right now of course. but it makes sense. and it would certainly explain why All Might, being all too aware of Deku’s self-destructive tendencies, would keep that from him.

but if this is the case, that means it’s clear that the Fourth’s solution didn’t work. “give up and accept that you can’t save everyone” clearly is NOT the answer to be had here.

the answer is trust. trust that his fellow heroes have his back. trust that they’ll be able to help him reach the people he’s not able to reach on his own. trust that they can work together to save everyone. that he doesn’t have to rest the entire world on his shoulders alone.

it’s the one lesson that All Might, his predecessor and his teacher, never learned himself until it was too late. but of course, All Might never had a prickly and determined rival who was ready to step in and deal out some tough love if need be. a rival who, perhaps, just might soon get a chance to repay an old favor.

“I don’t wanna hear you say you can’t save someone.”

I’m just saying. just as Deku has been watching Katsuki all this time, and admiring his determination to win, and emulating it himself, so has Katsuki recently begun to emulate Deku’s determination to save others. we’ve seen it not just in his recent act of self-sacrifice, but even in little things like his habits and tricks of speech. just like Katsuki is Deku’s image of victory, Deku is becoming Katsuki’s image of saving others.

and so I’ll bet you anything that if Deku ever starts to doubt himself, or starts feeling like his dream and desires are futile, Kacchan will be there to set him straight with a good old fashioned Rival Encouragement Speech of his own. possibly with his own left hook to match, though his left shoulder is currently out of sorts atm so he might need to modify that approach a little bit. but the point is, he’ll be there. and he will not allow Deku to give up on himself. he will be there to remind him that he doesn’t have to face this alone.

so yeah! finally managed to wrap up my giant Deku meta which I’ve been working on for ages and rewritten like fifteen times lmao. just in time for this to be relevant for all of a day, probably, depending on what happens once chapter 279 drops lol. but yeah. tl;dr, local boy tries to do too much, but his heart is in the right place, and hopefully all he really needs is a good pep talk from his tsundere bff to set him to rights again. r.i.p. to the Fourth, but he’s different.

[thefanficmonster]

Oblivious

Valkyrae (Rae) x Reader (Gender Neutral) ft. Corpse Husband

Warnings: None

Genre: FLUFF, Humor, RPF (Real Person Fic)

Summary: In the most desperate of times, we may or may not be used to hearing the phrase ‘Beggers can’t be choosers’ which is exactly why Y/N’s found themself asking the most hopeless of cases when it comes to love and romance - Corpse, for help.

Requested by Xara. Hi darling! Thank you so much for this wonderful request you’ve sent me - I love writing for Rae (excuse my bi excitement, I’m just a HUGE simp) and I can’t thank you enough for giving me the opportunity to do so. Sorry it’s been two months since you requested this but here it finally is and I hope it makes up for the wait. Love, Vy ❤

“Corpse, I’m in desperate need for help.“ I don’t even bother with a friendly or even polite greeting. Being best friends for as long as we have, Corpse and I excluded the politeness that comes with phone calls a long time ago, especially when calling with an emergency. Though, let’s be honest, if I’m calling him on the phone and not on video chat like I usually do, it is an emergency.

“Given that you’re asking me, I can imagine how desperate you are.“ He has the audacity to laugh in response, causing me to roll my eyes. 

Now, don’t get the wrong idea - I love Corpse with all my heart. Him and I have been through A LOT together considering we know each other since we were teenagers. However, there are some instances in life when he simply doesn’t get me. Not that he doesn’t try to, he does and does so very hard, but he rarely succeeds. Trying is what matters, of course. Given that he is my only close friend, I can only ever turn to him with my problems though I try my best not to bother him too much, but when things get REALLY tough, I can’t help but go and vent to him. Luckily, he’s always been very understanding, but it may be because he feels like he owes me for all the times he has turned to me with his problems. I’ve tried to explain that he shouldn’t feel such a way, but that’s rather hypocritical of me cause I feel the same way.

Alright, enough digressing, back on track!

“Desperate doesn’t even begin to summarize how I feel.“ I sigh, plopping down on the couch in my living room, kicking my feet up on the coffee table as I cover my eyes with my hand. “Brutally miserable is, I think, the correct term to use here.“

I hear Corpse let out a quiet ‘oof’, one I think he hoped I wouldn’t hear. “And what led you to finally give in and ask for help, not that I can offer you much?”

I can’t help but snort at that, a snort that serves as a replacement to slapping myself across the face. “Rae texted me yesterday asking if I’d like to play Minecraft with her and I took THREE HOURS to respond! Not on purpose, I just couldn’t think of something good to say!” I know I sound like a whiney kid, but I think I’ve passed that threshold LONG ago. Of course, this whiney kid version of me only surfaces around Corpse and Corpse only. No one else is allowed to see me like this or that would legit be the end of any sort of pride I may have left in me.

“You mean you couldn’t choose between ‘Sure, I’d like that!’ and ‘Of course, I’d love to!’? Please say yes.“ Corpse already sounds disappointed and he hasn’t even heard the worst of it yet.

“No and sit tight, it gets worse. I...“

He cuts me off, “Wait, no, don’t say it. Let me guess - you turned her down? Keep in mind if you say yes I’m hanging up on you.”

I remain silent, pinching the bridge of me nose and cringing as hard as my facial muscles are willing to allow. I can’t say yes, not cause he’ll hang up but because admitting it makes it more real, and the more real it is the more depressed it’ll make me and I will go back to being a self-deprecating mess that refuses to be productive or properly functioning - aka ‘Whiney Kid Maximum’.

“I’m hanging up.“ Corpse says after waiting five seconds for my response that only comes in the form of dead silence which is more than enough of an answer in and of itself.

“No, please don’t!“ I squeak out despite my agony, “I’ll never break the cycle if you don’t help me, Corpse! I’m a hopeless case!“

“You’re a hopeless case with or without me, Y/N.“ He states, angering me ever so slightly. “Not only cause you really are, but because I have nothing useful to offer you. Not even a single advice. Even if I did, giving it to you would by hypocritical when considered how bad I am on this field myself. Hell, the very person you’re head over heels for is my personal matchmaker. If anything, you should be asking her how to swoon her...“ He pauses.

So does my brain.

For a second we’re both quiet, the silence on the line suggesting big plans are being developed - well, not on my end but still.

“Now there’s an idea...“ He mutters more to himself than to me.

“No!“ I shriek fearfully, “Please, if you love me even the tiniest bit, Corpse, don’t put me in a situation where I have to be alone with Rae! Not IRL not in a Discord call - not in ANYTHING. I close up and end up seeming unfriendly and rude because of my inability to talk to her like a normal human being! I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I just can’t do it! So please don’t make me.“

I maybe can’t read minds, but hell if I can’t at least have a rough guess of what’s on my best friend’s mind - I know he’s already scheming and coming up with odd solutions to my problem - some of which will cause me more problems but let’s not even mention those. That being said, I need to prevent him from actually carrying out any of his absurd schemes, otherwise it’s game over for me.

“Hmm, ok fine, but only cause I wanna spare you your own awkwardness. Consider it charity.“ He sighs, the disappointment even more evident now.

I sigh too, but I do so in defeated relief. It’s bittersweet, to be honest. “Thank you.”

“Don’t.“ He says sharply, “Don’t thank me. It’ll make me feel like I’m encouraging your behavior.“

Well, screw my feelings, I guess. I’m left on this battlefield alone, aren’t I?

Corpse hanging up the call confirms that I am, indeed, alone.

                                                             *  *  *

“Hello?“

“Are you still in bed, for the love of God? It’s noon!“ Not only did he have the audacity to wake me up with his phone call, but now he has the audacity to judge me on my sleeping habits as well. Some darn nerve he has.

“What do you want, Corpse?“ I grumble out, groggy and now grumpy too. The last thing I need is the only person I can turn to turning on me. Especially not now. I don’t need his or anybody else’s judgement of me or my life, it’ll hurt too much.

“I want to know how long you haven’t showered, Y/N.“ He barks back, causing me to roll my eyes. “And when’s the last time you actually ate something healthy and nutritious and not just greasy takeout?”

“I showered last night!“ I straighten up and frown, feeling offended despite his questions being justifiable. I think that’s exactly why I’m pissed off, to be honest - he knows me and my habits too well. “And you’re just being hypocritical on the eating part!“

“Whatever.“ He mutters, allowing me to feel at least a tiny sense of victory for having proven him wrong, “Get your ass up and come play Minecraft with me, you need to be cheered up asap.“ He continues, much to my dismay. “And don’t even think about saying ‘no’. If you do, just remember, I have your address and a strong will to kick your ass into shape.“

“Into shape? We’re going to the gym or something?“ I’m honestly confused and intrigued now. Maybe the gym isn’t such a bad idea, I’m sure I could become really good friends with the punching bag.

Corpse sighs exasperatedly in a way I can basically hear him roll his eyes as well, “Not that kind of shape, Y/N. Just get on Discord, seriously, I’m worried about you.“ 

That sentence strikes a nerve. Something about that genuine concern in his voice reminds me that I still need to move on from focusing so strongly on just my failures, no matter how big or small, and keep pushing forward, if not for myself then for the people who care about me. For Corpse especially, seeing as how he’s sort of been my babysitter ever since my feelings towards Rae started to consume me whole and suffocate me. I don’t know how or when it happened, in fact I can best describe it as the Titanic: I was doing ok and then instead of hitting an iceberg the iceberg of feelings hit me and I started sinking. Corpse was there to offer me a hand to help me keep at least my head above the surface. He can’t pull me out of the water but he’s not willing to let go either. I’m afraid holding on like that will tire him out to the point of letting go of me completely, but I’m afraid of sinking too. You see my dilemma here, no?

“Ok, give me twenty minutes.“

I would have probably continued sleeping or just chilled on social media, refusing to get out of bed for at least another hour, but the debt I feel towards Corpse is stronger than the desire to be a slob so I motivate myself with every power my fragile mind can fish out of the void and push the covers off me, shivering at the drastic change in temperature around my body now that I’m exposed to the rather cool air in my room, my pajamas hopeless at providing me with any warmth.

Twenty minutes later sharp, I’m seated at my desk, in front of my computer with my headphones on, taking one last encouraging breath before entering the call where Corpse is waiting for me.

“Yo.“ I greet him half-heartedly, drawing invisible abstract patterns on my desk with my finger as if I’m avoiding eye contact with him IRL.

“Glad to see you haven’t lost your sense of punctuality at least.“ He chuckles, sounding a lot more pleasant and a lot more like my friend Corpse and less like sergeant Corpse Husband who was speaking with me on the phone earlier.

“Very funny.“ I murmur in my now common brooding manner, “Anyway, enough about me, how are you doing? Anything interesting happen since we last spoke?“

“You mean in the past ten hours? No, nothing interesting apart from that I managed to catch a few z’s.“ He replies as I join the Minecraft server, managing to get a smile out of me.

“Hey, that’s nice to hear! Good for you, Corpsie.“ I say, honestly proud and happy for him.

“Yeah, and just so you’re not calling me hypocritical on the topic of eating, I’m currently cooking myself lunch.“ He points out, now just straight up peacocking, “On that note, I got a pot on the stove so you’ll have to excuse me for a sec.“

“Please go. Don’t set your apartment on fire the first time you cook” I snicker, leaning back in my chair and fetch my phone to kill the time while he’s gone to tend to whatever attempt at a meal he has prepping in his kitchen. I feel bad for his stomach, and his kitchen, already.

“Corpse? Hi!“

Oh no. No, no, no, no, no - tell me that was an auditory hallucination and I didn’t actually hear that just now! TELL ME!

“Rae?“ I blurt out, almost falling backwards out of my chair, eyes wide, jaw hanging slightly.

Just then I get a text from Corpse:

Consider me dead and carry the convo. I know you’ve got this, Y/N

Oh that prick is gonna get it!

“Y/N? Hi! Sorry, Corpse didn’t mention you’d be playing with us, but it’s so nice to be hearing from you! It feels like it’s been forever.“ Rae replies, cheery and enthusiastic as ever, just like the absolute sweetheart she is.

With Corpse absent from his position, without his metaphorical hand holding mine, I’m metaphorically sinking and drowning. Maybe the drowning part isn’t so metaphorical after all, considering I actually am drowning in all the thoughts produced by my mind at the moment. A mind that’s going completely haywire, might I add.

“Hehe, well, funny thing, he didn’t tell me you’d be playing with us either.“ I chuckle anxiously, already breaking out in a nervous sweat. I solemnly promise to kill Corpse first chance I get, that way he’ll at least be dead for real.

“He set us up, huh? What’s his game, where even is he?“ Rae asks, properly confused as she should be.

All on-point questions, hun. And I can’t answer any of them logically.

“Um, you know, he’s off doing...something.“ And there go my conversational skills out the window, I hope they send me a postcard one day.

“Whatever, enough about Mr. Ominous. Tell me, what’s been keeping you busy?“ Oh crap, this is the question I’ve been fearing. Mostly cause I’m not prepared for it. “Actually no, let me rephrase: Why have you been avoiding me recently?“

‘Oh crap’ squared. Tripled.

“Whaaat? Avoiding you? Where’d you get that idea?“ I’m aware of my high pitched voice, but it’s not like I can do much to tone it down. Every part of me is in critical panic mode and rationality has accompanied my aforementioned conversational skills out the window.

“I don’t know, Y/N. Ignoring my texts, leaving me on ‘Seen’ and then declining my offer just to accept the same one coming from Corpse - can’t really blame me for finding it shady.“ She replies, her words making me wince and hide my face in the palms of my hands as though it’ll shield me from Rae’s brutal honesty and forthrightness. 

“I’ve been...bad at replying to everyone lately, nothing personal, I swear.“ Yeah, that sounded convincing, good gosh-darn job, Y/N!

“Why’s that?“ Something about her tone suggest she knows I’m lying and is just humoring me and my agony. I don’t know if to thank her for it or wish she’d just rip off the band-aid and confront me head-on. In that case I’d have only one of two options: freeze up or spill my guts. Honestly, I don’t know which is worse. “I thought you’d reach out to me, given you’ve found yourself in a pickle.”

I frown, confused and wary like I’m walking on thin ice over a pool of sharks, “Pickle? What pickle?“

“Corpse mentioned you needed dating advice.“ She replies simply as though it should’ve been obvious and as if it’s the most casual, regular and normal thing. Little does she know...

“Um, yeah, I guess you can call it that.“ I murmur sheepishly, my cheeks reddening.

“Who’s the lucky girl?“ She asks, the excitement now replacing the previous suspicion she was fronting, making me nervous as hell.

My heart skips a beat, “How’d you know I’m crushing on a girl?“

“Uh...“ She stumbles over her words, pausing to collect her thoughts and formulate a response, “Corpse told me!“ When the reply finally arrives it’s as high pitched as mine was earlier, suggesting something ain’t right.

I stay quiet, my mind and heart racing which is quicker. My leg is bouncing, my fingers are tapping the keyboard rhythmically as I rack my brain, pushing it to put the pieces of this enigmatic puzzle together, connect the dots.

When it finally does, I’m left with a horrific end-result, a realization that makes me go pale as a ghost, “He told you who said girl is too, didn’t he?” I say, my voice barely above a whisper. I keep the tone low so she doesn’t notice how shaky it is.

It takes her a few seconds to reply, but when she does I kinda wish she hadn’t, “Maybe...”

My first instinct is to excuse myself from the call, pack all my kitchen knives and drive to Corpse’s house but with my limbs having lost any and all feeling in them that is practically impossible. So, I settle for my second instinct which is hiding my face in the palms of my hands as though they can shield me from the immense embarrassment Corpse has set me up for.

“Listen...“ I start, not sure where I wanna go with this, “You don’t have to say anything, I get the hint. No need to bother with a gentle reje-“

“I like you too, Y/N!“ Rae cuts off my rambling with a melodic laugh, “I’m sorry, but you can be very oblivious sometimes, and I just wanted to give you a taste of your own medicine for a bit. Sorry if I freaked you out.“ Judging by her tone, she’s not sorry at all. In fact, she’s one step away from bursting out into laughter.

“Trust me, ‘freaked out’ doesn’t even begin to describe it.“ I sigh, exasperatedly, sinking into my chair alike a deflated balloon. “You and Corpse are gonna pay for that heart attack you led me to the brink of!”

This time, she doesn’t hold back, letting out the laughter she’s been holding back this whole time, “I don’t know how Corpse will do that, but could I pay my dues with a brunch on Friday?”

My eyebrows shoot up, “Miss Valkyrae, is this you asking me out on a date?“ I ask teasingly - aka with more confidence than I feel.

Please say ‘yes’. Please say ‘yes’. Please say ‘yes’.

“I don’t know, what do you think, Y/N?“ She asks, tone just as teasing as mine.

“Hey, I’m not as oblivious as you claim I am!“ I argue light-heartedly, “Does 2PM work for you?“

“Any time works for me.“ Rae replies, a smile blatantly evident in her voice. A smile that unleashes a flock of butterflies in my stomach.

And just like that, I have a date with the girl I’ve had a crush on for the longest time. It happened so fast it’s practically a blurred part in my mind, but one thing I’m sure will be crystal-clearly imbedded in my mind forever is that brunch on Friday. Just then, I get yet another text from Mr. Schemer himself.

That wasn’t so hard now, was it?

Some nerve he has, I swear to God.

[boltwrites]

Misfits - Chapter 1

Fandom: Star Wars - Clone Wars / The Bad Batch Pairing: The Bad Batch / Reader (Polyamorous)  Rating: M (Rating May Change) Tags: Polyamorous Relationship, Force-Sensitive Reader, Slow Burn

Work Summary: After a year working with the 501st, you've been assigned a new post - Clone Force 99, aka the Bad Batch. You're concerned about the transition - you found it hard enough to fit in with the 501st, and now you had to acclimate to an entirely new squad. As it turns out, the Bad Batch is very accommodating.

read it on ao3 | or read more below

If you were being completely honest with yourself, you were nervous about your new assignment.

“Nervous” wasn’t a trait most people used to describe you. No, your former lifestyle dictated that you weren’t really allowed the luxury of nervousness – force sensitives left to fend for themselves, especially those expelled from the Order, had to grow a thick skin in order to survive. Force sensitives were valuable and much sought after, and not just by the Sith. From the day you had left the Order, it had been up to you to survive, to take care of yourself, and to make your own way in the universe.

But you were still a person – a sentient being that craved some sense of normalcy and security. And you had found that, for a fleeting moment, with the 501st. You hadn’t been thrilled with the arrangement – getting roped into a war that you wanted nothing to do with wasn’t exactly on your agenda the night you were approached by ghosts from your past and led to the Temple you had left behind so many years ago.

The Jedi had created a new program, meant to bolster their numbers in the face of the growing Sith. To create an alliance with unaligned force sensitives: the Jedi would provide protection and a generous stipend for the work provided, and the force sensitives would fight alongside the present Jedi. You hadn’t really been a huge fan of the idea, for multiple reasons… but you had been presented an offer that which you could not refuse. So you didn’t.

And it had been stable, for a bit. You hated to admit that you had grown to enjoy the company of the 501st, but you had. Your General, Anakin, was understanding, and not so uptight. He was so unlike the Knights you knew when you had been present at the Temple – he was reckless, and fearless, and he followed his own heart instead of the code. Perhaps that’s why you didn’t mind his command; you knew that he wasn’t so swayed by Council politics and related trivialities, and that he cared about his men first and foremost. You had grown fond of him, even discussing your personal philosophy regarding the force with him on a few occasions, and even sparring with his padawan, Ahsoka, on several occasions. A teenager holding a higher title than you was alien, but in the relaxed nature of the 501st, you had hardly noticed it.

But, as much as you enjoyed the company of the Jedi, perhaps the person you would miss the most was Rex. Holding the same rank didn’t seem to phase the clone Captain, as Rex had been more than happy to show you the ropes and introduce you to the men. He accepted you as his equal immediately, and you had been fast friends, bonding over your similar roles in the battle and joking about the most trivial shit that left you on the floor in stitches, Rex hunched over wheezing at perhaps the worst pun you had ever constructed. He had introduced you to the other members of the 501st, saved your ass on multiple occasions, and in turn, you had confided in him about how out of place you felt within the military structure afforded you.

“I don’t fit in,” you had rambled, waving your hands emphatically after one too many drinks at 79’s. “I mean – I’m a Captain, right? Like you. But I’m not a clone, obviously.” You laughed, feeling stupid for even pointing it out. “I mean, I know there must be more out there like me – force sensitives the Jedi picked out of thin air, coerced into joining this war…”

You had rolled your eyes, and Rex had raised an eyebrow. In turn, you had waved him off, nowhere near finished your speech.

“But – the point I’m trying to make – is that it’s not like I’m fighting alongside people that are like me. Even when we work alongside the 212th or some other battalion, I think I’ve only seen one other non-Jedi force sensitive.”

“And it’s worse, you know? You guys – the men – they all call me Jedi. Because honestly, what else do you know? What do you know besides Jedi and Sith? There’s nothing really to call a person like me – but calling me Jedi isn’t right, because then I go up to Anakin or Ahsoka, and yeah, they’re nice to me, but they don’t treat me the same as other Jedi. I’m not one of them. And I’m not one of you. So where the hell do I fit in this?”

Rex hadn’t had an answer for you, and you sure as fuck didn’t know.

Maybe that’s why you were assigned to Clone Force 99.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Have you worked with these guys before?” you asked, fiddling with your bag as you waited in the hangar on Coruscant. Rex stood beside you, hand on his hip as he surveyed the sky above you, no doubt waiting for your transport.

“Once. You remember when you were off on that stealth mission with Hondo?”

“Ugh, I wish I could forget.”

Rex chuckled, shaking his head at your sarcasm. “I first met them then. Don’t worry. You’ll fit right in.”

You raised an eyebrow at him, and he raised both back at you, a little smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth.

“Care to elaborate as to why, you bastard?”

Rex grinned wider, shaking his head and turning his eyes to the sky once more.

“They look at the world differently. Like you do.”

You hadn’t expected that, and you stood in shock, watching Rex as he searched for the ship that would take you from him. You thought, for just a moment, you saw a tinge of sadness in his eyes, that a sliver of grief passed over you both in the force at the thought of your parting. You opened your mouth to speak, but before you could, a ship started to descend, the roar deafening anything you might have wanted to say.

The ship landed, powering down its thrusters, and your heart flipped involuntarily. You didn’t want to be nervous – you really didn’t. You had come to know clones over the time you had spent in the GAR – close to a standard year, at this point. You knew that in order to earn their trust, you couldn’t appear afraid, or out of place. You had to act as if you belonged, as if you were already their friend, in order to actually become their friend. It was surprisingly similar to working with scoundrels in the Outer Rim – faking it until you made it.

So, you squared your shoulders and tried to seem confident, and Rex’s subtle smile and firm nod only spurred you on as he stepped to your side, prepared to introduce you to the men you would be working with for at least the new few missions.

The hatch hissed at the airlock released, the ramp lowering so that the crew could disembark.

You knew little about Clone Force 99. Your reassignment had been swift, ordered straight from the top – above even the Jedi, from the Senate itself. According to your official order, Clone Force 99, a special operations unit, was in need of a force sensitive for several missions. They didn’t operate under a Jedi General, and seeing as they were a spec ops unit, the Jedi couldn’t waste any of their precious men on such a small squad. You, however, as an unassociated force-sensitive, were ripe for the picking, and considering that you had previously been assigned to the 501st, a battalion that already operated under a Jedi Knight and Padawan, you had been the obvious choice for the job.

So, you knew that they were a special unit and that they didn’t work with Jedi on the regular. Great. That was such a detailed summary of how they operated. You were so prepared.

Well, you considered. You had gone into battle previously with even less information. It had been even worse when you were operating in the Outer Rim. It could be worse.

You tried to remain optimistic as the steam cleared from the change in pressure and temperature, the hatch hissing as the troopers disembarked. You stood transfixed as they did, and as each appeared, your eyebrows scrunched further together.

You had been told this was a clone force. As in, a clone-based unit. No Jedi, and obviously no nat borns, as beside the Jedi and force sensitives, they were restricted to the Navy, not the GAR. But these men…

It was strange. They looked so different – one large, one tall and slender, another with long hair and broad shoulders. But their biorhythms in the Force were all so similar. The force sang around them like it did with other clones – there was a distinct taste of battle to them, of shared battles, countless. Their signatures sang together, like the rest of the clones’ did, as they had grown and battled together, as they had trusted one another from the day they all met on Kamino. It spoke of a deep camaraderie that was never present among nat borns, that was specific to clones and them alone, and it dazzled you.

“Captain Rex. Good to see you.”

You blinked, snapping yourself out of your analysis of the force, only to see the clone with the longer hair greet Rex with a firm grip to the forearm. As he drew closer, you started to notice the resemblance – the same skin tone, the curve of his nose, the color of his eyes – and it was confirmed through your eyes as well that this man was, indeed, a clone.

“Good to see you too, Sergeant,” Rex replied with a nod, stepping back to gesture to you. You straightened up, standing formally to address the man you would be working with from now on. You weren’t one for formalities, but you did want to make a good impression with him. Some clones were not as openminded as Rex, and they tended to be sticklers for rules and orders, offended by the slightest deviation. Until you knew the Sergeant’s preferences, it would pay to be formal.

“This is Captain Andar. She’s the force-sensitive that’s been assigned to your unit.”

You offered Rex a small smile – he knew how much you valued the term “force sensitive” and how you wished to remain distinct from the Jedi, so you were grateful that he remembered your preference.

The Sergeant frowned, looking from you to Rex and back again, and you felt anxiety coil in your stomach. The downward tilt of his lip and his disappointment in the force compounded, leaving you feeling uneasy.

“We requested General Skywalker.”

Oh, there it was. They had expected a Jedi. Not you, some half-baked, half-trained force sensitive who wasn’t even allowed to hold a title higher than Captain. You should be used to it, at this point, the disdain and the dismissal. But it still hurt you a bit more than it should have, when you were reminded that you were only second best.

“Hunter, we’re stretched thin as it is,” Rex sighed, shaking his head a little. “I did submit your request, but this came from the top. The Senate has disallowed the allocation of the Jedi anywhere other than the front lines. We have a severe shortage of Generals – Commanders, even – but I assure you, Captain Andar is more than capable. She’s one of the best men I know.”

You smiled at Rex, a soft thanks for his kind words, even as Sergeant – Hunter, was it? – looked you up and down.

“So, you’re a force sensitive,” he addressed you. You nodded, trying to get a read on him. His large skull tattoo, which took up the majority of the left side of his face, drew your attention. Most clones turned to tattoos in order to assert their individuality – you had actually seen a few of your comrades getting their tattoos, as it was a communal activity among them. You laughed along with Rex as you watched shinies cringe at their first ink, and you even has a few pieces yourself, hidden below your clothing.

But somehow, Hunter’s skull seemed different. There was a lot about clone culture you still didn’t fully understand, and this may just be a part of it. His tattoo, however, wasn’t quite as intriguing as his hair – long and free-flowing, not tied back besides his headband. There were a few long-haired clones in the 501st, but they always kept their hair tied up neatly, either in a tight bun or a ponytail. Hunter’s was clearly too short for either of those options, and it made him look rugged. You wondered what he was trying to convey with this combination of identifying markers. Clones used everything they had to assert their individuality – to designate themselves as them, to emphasize their personality, role in the military, and who they wanted to be. What did Hunter’s want to present to you with his appearance, you wondered.

But, you couldn’t just stare at the man all day – for fuck’s sake, he had just asked you a question and you’d already spent a good half a second staring at him instead of answering.

“Yes – I possess the same abilities in the force as a Jedi such as General Skywalker or Commander Tano –“ you frowned a little. You were probably closer in skill to Ahsoka, despite being far older. That tends to happen when you’re expelled from the order at fifteen and spend more time trying to simply stay alive rather than train. “- I am more than capable of completing missions where force-related skill is necessary. And, I don’t have to answer to the Council.”

You added the last part on the end with a little chuckle, because Anakin had often asked for your assistance specifically because of that fact – the Jedi Council knew that it was a risk allowing you and the other unaffiliated force sensitives into the GAR, and it was for this exact reason. You had made it work with the 501st, though, and you wondered if this new unit would find that loophole as useful as Anakin had.

Judging by the raised eyebrow, Hunter was mildly impressed by at least something you said.

“Oh, she’ll fit right in, then,” Hunter seemed to soften, just a touch? As if understanding something you weren’t yet privy to as he flashed Rex a grin. Rex smirked back, patting you on the shoulder.

“Told you,” he mumbled to you, and you rolled your eyes at him. Well, at the very least, the Bad Batch didn’t hate you.

Yet.

[stylesluxx]

imprint (II) – p.lahote

[warnings: angst?? and minor swearing]

summary: in which y/n thinks it’s just the imprint talking | part one | next part

word count: 3,740

masterlist

You shakily lifted your hand and knocked on Jacob's door. If you were in your right mind, you would've just walked in but you didn't want to feel like an intruder twice in one day.

The door opened and you greeted your childhood friend with a forced smile while looking at him through your wet eyelashes. The rain had started as soon as you were out of Paul's sight and with no warning drizzle, it just started pouring. But you were grateful because you knew Jacob wouldn't be able to tell apart the tears from the raindrops.

"Y/N, what are you doing here? You're soaked! And whose ugly brown shirt is that?" He interrogated as he took your hand, pulling you inside. "Why did you knock? Where's your key?"

You sighed at his questions, not wanting to exert the energy it took to answer them. You slipped off your shoes, leaving them on the mat whilst Jacob shut the door behind you.

"Are you okay?" He asked, picking up on the fact that none of his questions got answered and you were eerily silent. You stayed silent and just looked at him for a moment, thankful that you had someone you could always run to no matter what. "Alright, if you're just gonna be mute, I'm gonna go get you some sweatpants. I know those jeans are uncomfortable-"

"I just- I just needed to be with you. You're my friend. My brother. By choice. Right?" You cut him off with a faint voice as your lip started to tremble and your eyes began to water all over again. You knew you looked pitiful and feeble but you just needed the reassurance.

"Where's this all coming from, Y/N? Is it Paul? I told you he was bad new-"

"Right?"

He sighed once more and pulled you into a hug, not bothered by your damp body, "right. I choose you. Every time."

You nodded and slowly wrapped your arms around his waist, your hold tight. You held him as if he'd disappear right from your arms. It grounded you.

"Come on, let's change you out of these clothes."

—

You didn't show up to school until Thursday. You needed a break from everything and you weren't ready to be in the same vicinity as Paul just yet. As soon as you got home from Jake's house, Saturday evening, you turned your phone off. You wanted to just disconnect and spend some time with your thoughts.

Maybe you were being too dramatic. Maybe the imprint was a good thing. It was an easy way to find your soulmate, that's for sure, but you couldn't get over the thought that Paul wouldn't have even bothered with you had it not been for him phasing. And while you were debating the imprinting business, you were also trying to process that someone you knew could transform into a huge wolf. It shouldn't be humanly possible, however, you saw it with your own eyes. You honestly wanted to believe that it was all just a dream and you'd wake up and everything would be back to normal. You don't know where you wanted to start over: before Paul even knew you existed or before Paul told you he was a shifter. You wanted a life with Paul. But you wanted a life where Paul chose you.

On Tuesday, you were resting on the couch, binge-watching Criminal Minds, when you were interrupted but knocks at the door. You quietly got up, despite the soreness of your body, and looked through the peephole. Your breath hitched as your eyes caught sight of Paul. You frowned and backed away from the door as quietly as you could and returned to your spot on the couch.

It seemed as if your body thought you were rejecting him and the aching in your chest only grew. You curled into a ball and pulled a blanket over your body, trying to push the image of Paul to the back of your mind while you continued to watch tv. The knocking continued as well as huffs and comments like: "Y/N, I know you're in there."

He finally gave up around 5:30 PM, having been there since school got out. You heard the engine of his truck when he started it up and soon the sound lessened as he pulled out of your driveway and drove down the street. The further he was from you, the more your body ached, and the harder it seemed to breathe. You'll admit, the time you spent with Paul was as easy as breathing, but now if you felt like you were being suffocated. It seemed like you were in the cold ocean, your head bobbing up and down trying not to drown.

And though you told Paul you could be friends, you still needed time and space to process everything. You didn't want to rush to be with him right away just to end up swimming in the misery of your thoughts. And your misery doesn't love company; you don't enjoy spreading your misery with others.

So you ignored Paul and your friends when they came to check up on you on Wednesday.

On Thursday morning, you dragged yourself out of bed despite the soreness and tautness that filled your body, while preparing to be interrogated by your friends. You arrived at school in a pair of leggings and Paul's (now clean) brown shirt and saw the group standing on the steps leading up to the school, chatting amongst each other. And even though Embry was standing right there, it seemed like he was on a different planet. He was brooding, his arms were crossed over his chest, and he wasn't engaging in the conversation. He didn't even flinch when you walked over to them.

"Y/N, we've been trying to call you! Where've you been?" Ashley asked, hauling you into a hug. "You left me with these three idiots for three whole days!"

"Sorry, I, uh, turned my phone off for a couple days. Think it's still off if I'm being honest," You responded and pried yourself out of her death grip.

"We went to your house yesterday, but I guess you were sleeping and your parents weren't home. Jake wasn't lying when he said you were a heavy sleeper," Quil spoke up from next to Embry.

You nodded and glanced over at Embry to see he was now glaring at the ground, refusing to speak.

"Yeah, guess I am," You nodded, going along with their assumptions.

"Paul asked about you. Said he went by on Tuesday but he didn't get an answer either," Ashley added on, her eyes narrowing on you in concern.

"That was nice of him," You coughed and let your eyes fall to your feet while you scratched the back of your head.

"And this shirt again? Since when did you like the color brown?" Jacob scoffed, critiquing Paul's shirt yet again. "Whose shirt even is that?"

"Uh, it doesn't matter. But I'll see you guys inside, alright?" You changed the topic and pushed past them, walking through the main doors and to your locker.

You got the notebooks and textbooks you needed from your locker, before sighing and letting your shoulders fall in dread. You shut your locker and walked over to Paul's, which was down the hall. You were appreciative of this distance because it gave you a chance to prepare yourself. You weren't sure if you were ready to face Paul just yet, but you knew you knew you had to for the sake of your friend. Embry's brooding reminded you of Paul's before he disappeared and you vaguely remembered how Jared was before he too went on a leave of absence.

Jared spotted you before Paul did, making him tap his arm and point toward you.

Paul turned around and his confused and worried expression turned into one of relief but there was still worry in his voice.

Your aches and sores seem to instantly dissipate once you were in his presence and face to face. First, your body relaxed, and then your chest released all the tension you were holding in. And as soon as your body calmed, your heart started to beat erratically. You'd blame it on his beauty but you hadn't even looked at him for longer than a second. Maybe it was his cologne or just his aura, or maybe it was just the imprint thing.

"Hey," You greeted him awkwardly, your eyes cast toward the ground.

"Y/N, where have you been these last couple days? I came by your house and didn't get an answer. I even asked your friends if they knew anything, but you were ignoring everyone. You can't do things like that, Y/N," He scolded you, the concern laced in his words.

"Yeah, sorry, I just needed-" You started but then remembered why you were even talking to him in the first place. "You told me to tell you if one of the boys seemed off."

"Yeah, and?"

"Well, Embry seems off. I just thought I'd let you know. I'll see you in class," You expressed before starting to back away and go to first period.

"You're wearing my shirt," He noticed, a small smile playing on his lips.

"I'll see you in class, Paul."

—

The rest of the week goes by fairly quickly, but to be fair, it was only two days. Embry was absent on Friday which you figured would happen, so you didn't get to see Paul, and your body was slowly starting to crave him again. You were starting to tense up and the aching and emptiness in your chest were making a reappearance.

You saw how your parents looked at you when you trudged down the steps and into the kitchen. Their faces displaying worry and pity, so you figured you'd do something about it, just so they wouldn't have to worry.

But you were also doing it for yourself. You missed Paul. It was weird for you not to talk to and see someone that you were so used to talking and seeing every day. It's not like Paul didn't try to reach out and talk to you, because he did, you were just being stubborn. He texted every day to make sure you were alright and the only reason he wasn't banging on the door, threatening to tear it down, was because you left your read receipts on (the only thing that indicated you were still breathing).

You didn't want to be a bother because you knew he would be helping Embry all weekend, but you needed to at least see him.

You got in your Jeep and drove to the address Paul had texted you a few weeks ago, the day you shared your first kiss.

"If you ever need me, go to this address. I'll text it to you. They'll know where I am and how to reach me," He said while sending the text.

"Is this your house?" You asked him.

"No, well," He shook his head and sighed. He turned to look at you, still contemplating what he wanted to say. "It's not where I live but it's my home. My home when I'm not around you."

"I see," You nodded and looked down shyly, realizing he considered you to be home.

It was a sweet notion that you reciprocated. You felt safe with him. He was always so sweet and never pushed you to do anything you weren't comfortable with; the complete opposite of the public's perception of him. He was always calm, rational, and considerate. Patient and understanding. Everything he did had a meaning behind it. He was flirty but he wasn't sleazy or lewd. And though he saw you as home, he still got nervous around you. He was still trying to do right by you as if he was still trying to prove himself worthy of you.

After school on Friday and in the afternoon on Saturday, you found two shirts messily placed on the driver's seat in your car. Friday, it was a black shirt and Saturday it was a white one. You thought it was weird to come out of school to a random t-shirt in your car, so you looked around trying to spot the culprit but with no luck.

You carefully picked up the shirt and smelled it, instantly melting. Your heartbeat sped up knowing it was Paul's shirt, the same black one he wore to the movies.

He was so thoughtful that it blew your mind. He wasn't at school that day but he still came by to bring you one of his shirts and he went out of his way to bring you on Saturday as well. He was everything and more and you started to feel bad about how you left things.

You pulled up in front of the small brown house, already amazed at the seclusion provided by the trees. You took a deep breath, got out the truck, and walked up the steps to the house. You took one more breath before reaching up and knocking on the hard part of the screen door. The main door was open, giving you a clear view of the kitchen and a woman by the stove.

She jumped in surprise at the knocking before walking over to the door, opening it to greet you.

"Hi, can I help you?" She asked as a smile graced her face.

She was stunning; copper skin like Paul's, dark brown, almost black, eyes that were sparkling with happiness, and jet black hair complemented by bangs. The right side of her face was scarred from where her hairline started to her jaw. Three jagged thick red lines, despite them being fully healed. You gulped once you realized it looked like scratch marks but you pushed the thought to the back of your mind.

"Sorry to bother, but is Paul in?" You asked and quickly decided to elaborate. "He said if I needed him, someone here would know where he was."

"You must be Y/N! Come in," She gasped and stepped back so she could usher you in. You walked in and gave her a soft smile. "Sit!"

The house was warm, much warmer than outside. You were wearing a grey long sleeve with Paul's black short sleeve on top and a pair of jeans. It would've been smart for you to bring a coat but you figured you were going to see Paul so you didn't need one.

You understood now why Paul thought of this as his second home. Besides the welcoming host, the house too was welcoming. You wanted to kick your shoes off and lay down for a nap after a huge meal or ling day at school. That was the vibe it gave you. You loved it. And if Paul loved it and he felt at home, then you loved it ten times more.

"I don't want to impose," You mumbled, already regretting your decision to come. Emily was nice and you were happy that she wasn't a grouch but despite her kindness and the homey feeling of the house, you still felt like an intruder. This wasn't the first time you were conflicted about how to feel about something pertaining to Paul.

"Nonsense! You're always welcome here. Now sit," She demanded softly, making you nod and listen. She offered food and drinks but you only asked for water to help calm your nerves. She poured you a glass before sitting at the table, in the seat directly across from you. "You're more beautiful than Paul described. I'm Emily, by the way. I already know so much about you, you're all Paul talks about."

"Oh, thank you," You said and let a small smile show on your face, the tenseness escaping for a second.

"Paul's out with Sam and Jared, helping out Embry. Embry's a friend of yours, right?"

"Yeah, he's like my little brother. How do you know the boys, if you don't mind me asking?"

"I don't mind at all! I'm engaged to Sam. He was the first to phase so he's been helping the other boys out. It's not a cult or... a gang like everyone thinks it is," Emily's smile turned into a frown at the end. "But they should be back any minute now.”

Her smile returned as you talked to her some more. She was someone that you never wanted to see upset. You never wanted to see anyone upset but you felt she was too unsullied to frown.

“Oh! Paul told me you enjoyed the spaghetti I made. Well, to be fair we both made it. He was really eager to learn how to make it,” She remembered up and you smiled at the memory of Paul nervously handing over the bowl.

“Yeah, the spaghetti was great. I was shocked he even brought some for me,” You nodded.

“Paul can be a real sweetheart when he wants to be,” She smiled and winked at you.

The screen door creaked open and three pairs of feet shuffled into the house. Your head snapped up, hoping to see Paul but you only saw Jared, Embry, and who you assumed was Sam, all shirtless. All three looked tired but Embry had bags under his eyes and looked beyond fatigued. While this wasn't much of an upgrade, he wasn't brooding anymore so you assumed he was gaining control over his shifting.

"Sam, Jared, this is Y/N," Emily introduced you two the two. "Y/N, this is Sam and Jared."

"I know Y/N; we've been going to the same schools since we were kids. I used to sneak her snacks from her lunch tray," Jared chuckled.

"Wow, so you were the asshole that was stealing my snacks? Figures," You scoffed playfully. "But it's nice to meet you, Sam."

"It's nice to finally meet the person Paul fills the mind link with," He smiled as his deep voice rang through the house, before leaning down to peck the top of Emily's head.

Sam was the biggest of the four boys in the pack. You didn't know if it was because he was four years older than them or if it was because he was the alpha. He was tall, 6'6", and had a tattoo like Paul and Jared that decorated his round and protruding muscles.

"Y/N, what're you doing here?" Embry questioned warily while shifting his eyes to look at Sam and Jared who were now seated at the wooden table.

"It's okay, Embry. She knows," Sam nodded, relieving Embry almost instantaneously.

"Oh good, I hated being away from you. And you're literally all Paul thinks about. Ya know, wolf telepathy. I thought you were obsessed with him. Tuh, have a peek into his mind," Embry rambled. Once he finished, he pulled out of your seat and into a hug.

"Um last time I checked, you guys were obsessed with him. Not me," You laughed and hugged him back.

"You done torturing him?" Jared teased immediately after biting into his banana that seemed to have appeared out of nowhere. His words made you frown and bury your head into Embry's chest some more.

Despite phasing, gaining some muscle, and growing a little over Jacob's height, he was still your Embry. Long hair and tattoo-less but you weren't sure for how long. Emily was filling you in on all the small details about the wolves so you knew Embry would have to cut his hair short.

"Ignore him, Y/N. Paul should be coming in soon," Embry said and rubbed your back comfortingly.

"What about Paul?"

The voice made you shoot out of Embry's arms as the heat was settling throughout your body. It was your Paul and your body was happily reacting to being in the same space as him.

He walked around Embry and was ready to sit at the table when he spotted you, making his dark brown eyes gloss over in a mix of joy and admiration.

"Y/N!" He breathed out, still taken aback by your presence and the sight of you in another shirt of his.

Embry chuckled and moved by you to take your seat at the table.

"Hey," You whispered. You tried to look at the boy in front of you, but you only grew shy. "Can we talk?"

"Y-Yeah, of course," He nodded eagerly and held out a hand for you to take. You looked at it for a moment, hesitating, but you grabbed it and squeezed it tight. Now that he was in your grasp, you didn't want to let go. "We'll be back. Don't let Jared eat all the food, Sam," He said before walking out of the cozy house, taking you with him.

He led you into the trees, and it seemed like you're walking forever until you sat down on a log.

"Sorry we had to go so far, wolf hearing," He shrugged and kept his eyes on his fiddling hands that rested in his lap.

"And they know what you're thinking?" You curiously asked.

"I can... keep things to myself if I really wanted to. If I try really hard I can almost block out their thoughts as well; make them quiet," He tried to explain.

You just nodded and kept your eyes down, letting the silence surround you. It shouldn't be like this though. It shouldn't be awkward between you when before you couldn't stop talking to each other.

You felt your eyes fill with the predictable wetness, making you sigh, "it hurts to be away from you for too long. I literally can't breathe. I don't know if it's the imprint or separation anxiety but I need to be with you. The shirts aren't enough."

"Come here, Darling," He invited you, opening his arms for you to lean into which you happily obliged. "I just need you to understand: it's not only the imprint. You mean the world to me; spending all that time with you, you became my best friend. You're my everything. Even without the imprint, I'd feel the same way. The imprint doesn't make the relationship romantic. That was us."

You nodded and held him tightly as he pecked your head and rubbed your back gently.

"It's not just the imprint talking?"

"It's not just the imprint talking," He confirmed. "I choose you."

[AN: I was not expecting so many people to like the first part so it took me by complete surprise when I was being asked to make a part two !! also, I want to write more for this relationship, like blurbs because I think they’re so cute so let me know if that’s something you’re interested in. but thank you for all the love and support these past couple days, it means a lot. and my inbox is always always open if you need to talk, rant, laugh, or request anything. i'm so warm and fuzzy. k bye !]

[tags: @sana-li​]

[blu-joons]

DATING SEVENTEEN A⇴Z HEADCANON ⇴ Jeon Wonwoo

A ⇴ AFFECTION 

Wonwoo isn’t huge on affection and aegyo, so when he does approach you with affection, it’s always special. He’ll make sure to make you feel as loved as possible as he knows there are times when you want a little more from him.

B ⇴ BEFORE DATING 

The two of you met through a couple of the members at an event and naturally got talking. Wonwoo was incredibly shy, and so were you, which ended up being the perfect catalyst to get the two of you talking with each other throughout the whole event, much to the joy of the others who were watching you.

C ⇴ CONFESSION 

Love at first sight wasn’t something that Wonwoo believed in, but he wasn’t far off it with you. As the two of you got to know each other more after the event over weeks, Wonwoo knew that he was falling for you. After a couple of months just enjoying each other’s company, Wonwoo ended up confessing to you whilst you were out and exploring one afternoon in the middle of nowhere, mainly to stop you thinking you were lost.  

D ⇴ DATES 

The two of you would often spend your days indoors with each other, Wonwoo wasn’t someone who was huge on going out and exploring things. He loved using your dates as a time to relax with each other, he’d often set up his games console so that the two of you could play together. Other times, your dates would just be spent laid together with a book in hand, and maybe takeout beside you, peaceful, but still knowing that each other was there which was just what the both of you wanted.

E ⇴ EXPERIENCE 

The concept of love wasn’t something that Wonwoo necessarily believed in, so he never worried about dating. However, when he met you, he began to understand a little more about love and why people always used to tell him you’d know when you found the one. He was still skeptical for quite some time, but with the more time that he spent with you, the more he allowed himself to open up to the idea of falling in love and suddenly having one person take up such a huge part of your life.

F ⇴ FIGHTING 

Wonwoo has one of the softest hearts in the world, and fighting will be an absolute nightmare for him. When the two of you argue, he’ll get very shy and quiet, he won’t ever really know quite what to say. He’ll usually listen to everything that you have to say and wait until you’re done to take the chance to defend himself. Once you’ve both said how you feel, Wonwoo will usually be the one to try and put things right and continue the discussion until you can both find a point that you agree on to move past what you initially disagreed on.

G ⇴ GETTING TO KNOW HIS FAMILY

Being able to introduce you to his family was a huge deal for Wonwoo. They often worried that he wouldn’t want to find himself a partner because he didn’t trust in love , so to be able to show you off and let them see how happy he was around you meant a lot both to him, and to them as well.

H ⇴ HOME 

The two of you were very lucky that Mingyu was so understanding of you both which meant the dorm was often your home. But Wonwoo also loved to spend time at your place too. He often worried that the boys would be a bit of a burden for you, even if you always tried to assure him that they weren’t.  

I ⇴ “I LOVE YOU” 

When Wonwoo beat you at your favourite game, he suddenly said those three special words to stop you getting mad at him. He didn’t even think before he spoke, but he trusted in his heart and that it had made the decision to speak up. You were surprised to begin with, but when he said it again, you finally realised that he’d meant to say it all along.

J ⇴ JEALOUSY 

There weren’t many times when Wonwoo would get jealous, he wasn’t someone to cause a scene if there was a person around who wanted to speak to you. But, there was very much a line as far as Wonwoo was concerned, and if someone overstepped it, he’d certainly be a little more protective. He was shy to a point, but when it came to protecting you and making sure that you were safe, a wave of confidence would often wash over him to remind him that he was your boyfriend and that he had to be there for you.

K ⇴ KIDS 

Having a family was something that Wonwoo had never really considered before he met you. Without love, he knew there was a small chance of having a family, but just like how he began to believe in love, he began to believe in kids and a family of his own too. He’d often find himself drifting into daydreams about what your future together could look like, but he’d never let himself runaway too far just yet.

L ⇴ LAUGHTER 

The two of you could often be heard by the other members giggling away to yourselves. Neither of you were loud, but you shared a very similar sense of humour which would often leave the others clueless as to what you both found so funny. Wonwoo’s laugh would always put a smile on your face, neither of you had to be doing anything, but as soon as you’d hear just the smallest sound of a giggle, you wouldn’t be able to stop yourself Ron laughing too. Laughter was the thing that brought Wonwoo out of his shell more than anything when he met you, and really was the sign that made you realise that he was comfortable around you.

M ⇴ MISSING 

No one would ever know when Wonwoo was missing you, he’d very much keep it to himself. Mingyu would usually be the only one who would be able to tell when something was wrong, but even then, Wonwoo would be very reluctant to tell him. Usually, Mingyu would end up getting in contact with you to tell you what was going on and how he was closing off, and ask if you’d try and give Wonwoo a call or a text. As soon as he saw your name pop up, he’d leave the room, which was also the definitive sign to the others that he was missing you, even if he’d always say no whenever any of them asked.

N ⇴ NICKNAMES 

Wonwoo tended to just call you ‘jagi,’ as he much preferred traditional nicknames for you. It was something that would always roll off the tongue for him, he wouldn’t even need to think, whenever he addressed you, it would come.

O ⇴ OBSESSION 

He was obsessed with your voice, it was very comforting for Wonwoo when he could hear you beside him or listen closely to whatever it was that you had to say to him.

P ⇴ PDA

Affection in public wasn’t something that Wonwoo was huge on. He was smart at reading situations however, and if he felt like he needed to hold your waist or pull you a little bit closer, he’d do it without second thought to make sure that you were safe with him. Other than that, he’d often hold your hand in public too.

Q ⇴ QUESTIONS

Wonwoo was quite a fan of discussions with you and talking about random things about the world. He’d often ask you what you thought of a random topic to spark a discussion between you both and find out more about you and your views, especially at the start of your relationship.

R ⇴ RANDOM FACTS 

Your game dates at home became such a frequent occurrence that the two of you turned it into a bit of competition. Whoever lost the most at the end of the month would end up buying something for the other person that they wanted. The two of you loved that they added a bit of competition to your evenings, and especially enjoyed when you won for the month and had to get the other to buy you some thing.

S ⇴ SEX 

It took a little while for Wonwoo to feel comfortable with you in a intimate capacity. To begin with, he was shy and worried about not doing a good enough job for you, however over time, as he began to learn more about your body and the things that you enjoyed, he found himself relaxing a lot more. Once he knew how to make you feel good, he became a lot more confident and self assured around you too.

T ⇴ TEXTS 

The two of you didn’t tend to text much as Wonwoo much preferred to call you so that he was able to hear the sound of your voice. If you didn’t pick up his call, he’d try again and again until eventually he heard you answer.

U ⇴ UNIVERSE 

Wonwoo never saw himself as boyfriend material until he met you. He never imagined that he’d enjoy falling in love as much as he did with you, but then he never really trusted love as a whole until he met you.

V ⇴ VACATION 

Any free time that Wonwoo had would usually end up being spent at the dorm too. He enjoyed being in his own space and bubble, and best of all, he enjoyed being able to stay home with you whilst you still went out to work in the day. The only difference was he’d be there waiting every night.  

W ⇴ WHINING 

Whining wasn’t something that Wonwoo tended to do, if he didn’t have your eyes on him then he’d patiently wait until he got them again.

X ⇴ XXXXX 

Wonwoo much preferred to kiss you then he did to cuddle you. He’d often use his height to be able to reach a part of your body that you never thought he could from the position that he was stood in. Whilst he wasn’t huge on affection, he was a big fan of kisses and how easily they were both to give to you, but also be received from you. He’d often stand before you and drop subtle hints that he wanted a kiss from you.

Y ⇴ YOU 

You were a first for him for so much, and hopefully the last too.

Z ⇴ ZZZ 

You’ll often end up having to push Wonwoo into bed at night. You’ll usually spot him starting to stare and become distant, refusing to stop annoying him until he finally caved and allow you to put him to bed.

---

Masterlist

[nothing-more-than-hot-leaf-juice]

Zutara. My otp since I first watched as a 10 year old in 2005. Hopefully you'll be kind to them 😉 I'm convinced they'll be cannon in the live action 😅

Alright... *starts digging grave*, I think Katara and Zuko have a wonderful platonic relationship and for them to have a romantic relationship would (1) undermine Zuko’s redemption arc and (2) undermine the found family aspect of their friendship. I don’t have an issue with anyone who ships Zutara and I do not engage in shipping drama, but I think their platonic relationship is too damn important to favor a romantic relationship I don't really think has chemistry. 

Personally, I have never gotten romantic vibes from them like... at all? I think the progression of their friendship was important in terms of the show’s themes of forgiving those who deserve it and finding support in people you least expect, but I just don’t get chemistry from them. I’ve always been a Kataang fan but how I feel about Zutara has nothing to do with that. Avatar is one of those shows where I would have been totally fine with it ending with no romantic pairings because the found family aspect of it is so much more powerful. 

If anyone has spent 5 seconds on my blog, you know that Zuko is my favorite character and I think he deserves nothing but love and support after all the shit he went through. But a big aspect of why I care about him as a character is that he put the work in to make amends. He didn’t just show up one day saying “I’ve seen the error of my ways, sorry for all the stuff I did, I’m good now” and that was that. He had to work for forgiveness and he did it because he realized the fire nation was wrong, his father was wrong, and he was wrong. His decision to switch sides had nothing to do with any connection with the gaang because he didn’t really know them. His decision to switch sides stemmed from 3 very important things: 

(1) He felt guilty not for betraying Aang and Katara in Ba Sing Se, but Iroh. He realized his uncle was the person who had given him unconditional love while Azula and Ozai’s “love” for him was entirely dependent on his ability to provide them results. From this guilt, he was able to realize that his uncle had made the right decision in siding with the Avatar and more importantly, that Ozai was wrong and that all the abuse he endured under him was undeserved. 

(2) His experiences in the Earth Kingdom as a refugee. This post explains it really well, but Zuko’s realization that everything he’s believed about the Fire Nation has been wrong is rooted in his moment of empathy with Song and her matching burn scar, his empathy with Lee who lost his brother like Zuko lost Lu Ten, his empathy with Jet who lost his way going to extremes for a cause, and, yes, his empathy with Katara who’s mother was taken from her by the Fire Nation like his was. The reason he switches sides is because after all of those experiences, he can no longer be callous or unfeeling towards the Earth Kingdom like his father or sister. The people of the Earth Kingdom either empathized with him for the pain he went through and appreciated him for his desire to help the helpless (Song, Lee, Jet) or feared and hated him for being part of a country that caused their suffering (Lee, Lee’s mom, Jet, Katara). Throughout season 2, Zuko realized the extent of what the war meant for the other side. 

(3) The realization of the extents his father would go to and the truth about Ozai’s amorality. This point is kind of just the culmination of everything in the last two points, but all that set up comes to fruition when Zuko attends the war meeting where Ozai decides to use Sozin’s Comet to commit genocide. By this point he’s racked with guilt over what he did to Iroh, he’s empathized with people who have suffered and is coming to terms with the fact that it’s not only the people of the earth kingdom that have unnecessarily suffered because of Ozai, but him as well. In that meeting, he expresses adoration for the Earth Kingdom being proud and strong and Ozai’s response is to burn it to the ground. It’s the same treatment he gave Zuko at the Agni Kai when he stuck to his morals and refused to fight and was met with abject cruelty. At that meeting, Zuko realizes that his father is wrong and that he was always wrong. He realizes that millions of people will suffer at the hands of this man who is so incredibly wrong and lacking in empathy. 

SO, keeping all that in mind. His redemption arc doesn’t stop when he switches sides, it keeps going as he makes individual amends with Aang, Sokka, and Katara. It keeps going as he learns from the dragons, as he chooses what he believes in over his girlfriend, as he risks his life to protect the gaang from Azula, and as he tries to help Aang, Sokka, and Katara find emotional closure in different aspects. He helps Aang overcome his fear of firebending. He helps Sokka regain his honor. And he helps Katara address her grief regarding her mother’s death. These four episodes are some of the best in the series because it’s not just Zuko working to make amends because he wants them to trust him, but it’s him empathizing with their trauma, their guilt, and their fear of failure because he’s been there. 

Alright, that’s a whole essay regarding why Zuko’s redemption arc works, now what does this have to do with Zutara? Here’s the deal: if any aspect of Zuko’s decisions for his redemption were influenced by romantic attraction to Katara, it would undermine the meaning of his choices for him. He made the choices to be better because he empathized with a nation of people who needlessly suffered. He made the choices to be better because he learned to cut himself off from the need to please his abusive father and accept the unconditional love of his uncle. His choice to help Katara find her mother’s murderer stemmed from empathy and his desire to be better than the people who hurt him and hurt others. The reason Katara’s resentment towards him hurt him so much was because he was trying so hard to be better than the people that were feared and hated. Katara treated him like Lee’s mom and Jet did when they realized he was a firebender (that being said, Katara was justified since Zuko’s decision to side with Azula resulted in the fall of Ba Sing Se and nearly resulted in Aang’s death), and he didn’t want to be that person. He didn’t want to be hated or feared anymore and he was willing to do anything to move past being viewed like that. So Katara’s decision to finally forgive him? It’s the point where she realizes he’s able to empathize with her over his mother’s death where her mother’s killer could not. She realized that he was different and had changed because he put the work in. And that’s huge for his redemption, not for any kind of forming relationship because that’s not the point. 

Now, concerning the whole found-family aspect I love so much? Zutara as a romantic pairing would undermine the beauty of Zuko’s ability to find a loving, supportive group of people that he was missing his entire life. Katara does not work as a romantic partner for Zuko because she works as his replacement sister. The fact is that Zuko’s actual family experience was founded on fear and not love, but the idea of “usefulness”. Zuko and Azula were only valued by Ozai so much as they were useful to him, which is why he favored (not loved) Azula, she was useful to him and Zuko wasn’t until he “slayed the Avatar”. Iroh (and Ursa for a time) was the only person who showed him unconditional love and support, but that wasn’t enough to snap him out of the need to please Ozai. Zuko rooted his entire self worth in what his family thought of him and engaged in very self-destructive behavior throughout season 1 to prove himself because he “didn’t want [his] father to think [he was] worthless”. Even throughout season 3, he still thinks that his uncle’s love for him is conditional (”my uncle hates me I I know it”) until he’s proven otherwise because that’s what he’s been taught. So him joining the gaang, that’s the first time in his life he’s really met with the concept of people liking him for himself, not for his ability to be useful (his family, Jet) or because they think he’s someone he’s not (Song, Lee, Jin). He’s met with friendship: people making fun of him in a playful way instead of tearing down his insecurities and vulnerabilities (”mind if I watch you too jerks do your jerkbending?” “so all we need to do is make Zuko angry, that should be easy enough”, “look, it’s baby Zuko!”, “actually I think [the play portrayal] is pretty spot-on”), people trying to help him fix his problems (”you need to go back to the original source”) instead of making him feel weak for not being able to solve those problems in the first place, and showing him express appreciation and encouragement (”you’re pretty smart”, “to Zuko, who knew after all the times he tried to snuff us out, today he’d be our hero”, “I’m going with Zuko!”). And that’s so. Damn. Important for his ability to heal after how he was treated for his entire life. He’s introduced to the idea that people want him to be around and they want to include him in their circle for being him. Up until the finale, he doesn’t know if he’ll be able to reconcile with Iroh or if Iroh will accept his forgiveness, but these people have given him a home in their group and he’s not afraid or insecure around a group of people for the first time in his life. 

And that’s why Katara has to be the one to defeat Azula: because Azula couldn’t be the sister Zuko had and Katara could be. It’s a tragedy that Zuko and Azula were driven apart by Ozai pitting them against each other, the corruption of firebending throughout the ages so it’s regarded for its power rather than its energy, and Azula’s own insecurities and fears of losing power because, like Zuko once did, she only considers herself to be worth anything so long as she’s better than him. The abuse he endured had an effect on her to because so long as she saw that Ozai’s “love” for Zuko was conditional, that meant that his “love” for her was conditional as well (”you can’t treat me like Zuko!”). Zuko and Azula could never support each other and they could never trust each other in the way that Sokka and Katara could. They wouldn’t sacrifice anything for each other because they were conditioned to survive, to leave behind the lesser sibling in order to get ahead. But at the Agni Kai, Zuko jumps in front of the lighting for Katara because unlike Azula, she has supported him since she forgave him and is there to back him up. She thinks he can be Firelord and she thought his uncle could forgive him in a way that Azula just never could. And that’s why Katara has to be the one to defeat Azula. Not because of any romantic attraction for Zuko, but because he’s protected Aang and Sokka and her and Toph and their little found family. It’s because he’s one of them. So in that moment where Azula is defeated, screaming and sobbing because she’s lost and that means that she’s the weaker sibling, she’s gone and it’s tragic. Zuko looks upon her and he wishes it didn’t have to be like this, but it is and it’s tragic. It didn’t have to be how it was but it did and it was awful and Azula is left broken, hating her brother with murderous fury. But he’s not alone.

He has a new sister who will protect him and fight for him when he’s lost his own. 

(addition: I want to make it clear that this does not mean I think Azula is irredeemable. Her actions and outlook are 100% a product of Ozai’s abuse, as I explained. I do not think that’s she’s beyond redemption, but by the finale she was still a villain and her goal was still to kill her brother so she could be Firelord. That’s not to say that she couldn’t have eventually healed and been able to reconcile with him, but by the final Agni Kai that’s not where their relationship was. The fact that she and Zuko had a toxic relationship was not her fault, but they still had a toxic relationship built on distrust and competition where Zuko and Katara’s friendship was built on support and protection. I am entirely sympathetic towards Azula, but just because she was redeemable doesn’t mean she was redeemed and just because there was potential for her and Zuko to eventually have a better relationship doesn’t mean that they did by the end of the series.) 

[haru-luo]

[CN Translation] Victor’s S2 Chapters 14-17 R&S <Steerer>(掌舵者)

!Spoiler warning! : The followings contain contents for future chapters of MLQC/Love and Producer. If you do not wish to be spoiled then please refrain from going undercut.

This is the karma that accompanies the following Rumors and Secrets. I suggest you to read S2 Summary(Volume 2:Ch 2-3), a bullet-point summary recently translated by amazing @cheri-translates​ to get more idea on what this “Small Syringe” thing is going on.

The translation is undercut. You have been warned about spoilers.

If you see “--” sign then it simply indicates the beginning of next page.

{STEERER} 

He always knew how to embed each screw in its place.

[Chapter 1]

“Caerus, there is an investigation task for you."

"Target name?"

"MC. She is a newcomer who organized the audit. All the information needed about her is in the attachment."

"Received. When do you want it?"

"Before next Wednesday."

"This task is a bit different. My pay has to increase by 20%"

After that, the dialogue between the two was stagnant for a while before the other side only replied a small word; "okay" --- Duan JunJie put down his phone and was about to continue to look at the acquisition contract in front of him when he was suddenly patted on the shoulder.

The colleague smiled and asked him, "Lawyer Duan, our department is going to have a dinner together on Sunday. Would you like to join us?"

"Ah, sorry, I have plans on the weekend so, I can't join." Duan JunJie shook his head.

The person's face turned a bit upset, "Last time, you also said that something happened and left. Why don't you stay with everyone for once? It's a pity because eating a meal together is also a way of communicating feelings."

"Forget it, I've been in LFG for so long and I've never seen Lawyer Duan participate in any department team building activities!" The female colleague opposite to Duan JunJie smiled and replied, "People would rather offend a high-level staff than work overtime all the time. If you still hope to take his weekend then give up, don't even think about it."

The two female colleagues left while groaning in complaint and Duan JunJie remained silent and quietly observed those around him before continuing to work again.

At six o'clock, he sent the compiled attachments of the acquistion contact to the mailbox of the CEO's office. He was ready to pack his things and get off work when the computer suddenly made a loud noise. -- CEO Li replied about the contract so soon? Although he knows that the person in charge of LFG Group is an extremely efficient boss, the speed is too ridiculous. He clicked on the message and found out that it was an anonymous email with a string of jumbled up characters.

Duan JunJie frowned.

The string of jumbled codes seemed disorderly but he soon discovered that it was an e-mail with two layers of special encryption and the secret key was only available to members of BLACK SWAN. After deciphering the garbled codes, he found that it was a sentence and a "S" symbol with a tick at the end.

'Come to the conference room of BLACK SWAN headquarters.'

Duan JunJie read this sentence silently and raised his eyebrow. The sender did not use the B.S communication channel but used an anonymous IP address to send it. Obviously, it has to bypass the surveillance of some people in the organization.

After the establishment of the B.S board of directors, the original TWELVE members did not easily surrender to the BOSS. They secretly made a few small moves. Although Duan JunJie was just a screw responsible for intelligence because of the nature of the work, someone from TWELVE has tried to lure or tempt him but Duan JunJie refused.

And now...

Duan JunJie looked at this email and realized something vaguely. -- He glanced at the time and now he is leaving to meet the sender of the email. It would be too late by the time he gets home to make cat food for Amo. Although he was mentally prepared, when he opened the door and saw the person sitting on the opposite side of the long table, Duan JunJie still couldn't help but blurt out, "Mr. Li."

The man opposite the long table did not erect against the barrier to cover his face. He wore a suit with a straight back and a calm expression. No different from when was sitting in the office of LFG Building as the CEO. Duan JunJie paused, then changed his words, "Oh, BOSS." -- Victor pushed the document in front of him, "I know that your senior just sent you a task. Push away that task and do this instead."

"Push away..." Duan JunJie accepted the document, "Does this mean I don't have to connect with him again in the future?"

Victor did not speak. And not speaking is his answer.

Duan JunJie adjusted his glasses and scanned the document in his hands. "...When do you want it?"

"Before next Wednesday. Is it possible?"

"It's not that it's impossible but this will take up a lot of my rest time and I see this part of document is just a lead. The things that need to be explored later are much larger than these papers." He emphasized, "This will be a long work, BOSS."

"State your salary expectations."

Duan JunJie seriously considered his mortgage and car goods, "14th salary."

"16 salaries." Victor looked at him directly, "However, you have to get me the information worthy of this value I offer you."

[T/N : Just in case, ‘14th salary’ means the payment of an additional month's salary or a form of compensation ^^]

[Chapter 2]

Duan JunJie's life is very regular. He wakes up at eight in the morning, makes a cat meal for Amo, then takes the subway that arrives at 8:27am, leaves station at 8:47am and walks for five minutes to LFG. Goes to cafeteria to get an egg, two buns and a cup of soy milk. Sometimes he changes to regular milk according to the mood of the day. He makes sure to turn on the computer at nine o'clock and start working.

He was just like a little screw in the LFG Group. As long as he makes sure that he is firm and fits where he should be on time, it’s fine.

It's just a regular life where accidents will occur occasionally, such as today. --- At 8:51am, when Duan JunJie was about to walk to the door of LFG Building, his footsteps suddenly stopped because a hanging leaf was in front of him, staying still for five seconds.

An Evolver has used their ability. Duan JunJie reacted quickly.

He looked around. Cars, Pedestrians and even the giant screen advertisements that were flashing in the distance have stopped. In the silent world, the sound of leather shoes against the ground seemed so clear. --- Duan JunJie saw Victor appear from the other end of the intersection, walking steadily towards the middle of the road, and went straight to the bridge of a car. He leaned down in front of the car and when he got up again, there was a tabby cat in his arms.

When Victor embraced the cat and stepped onto the sidewalk, time began to flow again. The noise reappeared in the city in an instant, the car and the crowd were intertwined again, no one seemed to notice what happened just now.

Victor stepped forward and suddenly, as if he noticed something, he turned his head to look at Duan JunJie not too far away.

"Mr. Li." Duan JunJie greeted him and walked over. --- Victor nodded in response, took the cat to a safe place and put it down. Little cat was shocked and still seemed to be reluctant to give up Victor. It walked back and forth, rubbing on to Victor's hand for a while before turning its head and leaping into the flowers.

Duan JunJie looked at the back of the tabby cat and inexplicably thought of his own Amo. "Its ears are labeled and looks like a neutered cat."

"The cats in this area all have been neutered." Victor replied.

These two sentences are not exactly settling but the atmosphere is relaxed. Duan JunJie continued, "I didn't expect you to be a cat lover too." -- It is known that the cats in this area have been neutered, but the fact that Victor used Evol to save a cat, didn't really fit Duan JunJie's impression of Victor.

"It was just a matter of hand." Victor took off the cat's fur on his cuffs. "It should watch itself, someone can't come to its rescue everytime."

As soon as the voice fell, Victor's always firm eyes turned into a purple mist. Something seemed to have touched his mind and his expression became a little dazed. -- Duan JunJie saw Victor with that kind of expression for the first time but he intuitively felt that he shouldn't ask more. So, he took a step back, "Then I will go in first and the yesterday's document will be sent to you before quarter past ten in the morning."

At 8:57, Duan JunJie arrived at the LFG canteen. Today he bought one less egg because he wants to save time and start work.

[Chapter 3]

Whether as Caerus or Duan Lawyer, he has been very busy this time. LFG's acquisition plan has advanced to a critical stage and the investigation of the "Small Syringe" has also fallen into the bottle.

Even Duan JunJie who has no commercial sense, knows that this kind of medicine that can enhance Evol can create huge benefits that can change the entire world. 

He once suspected that Victor's reason for being particularly concerned about “Small Syringes" was the instinct of capitalists to seek profit but if he really was chasing profits, he should've put this unstable medicine package on the market as soon as possible, instead of letting him investigate the "black hand" behind the shadow of the "Small Syringe Industry."

"Lawyer Duan, we'll head out first then." -- "Alright, bye."

The colleagues picked up their bags and said goodbye to him. When they walked to the door, he could still hear a faint sentence floating over to his ears, "Lawyer Duan is also working overtime. It's really rare..."

The sky gradually darkened and the neon lights of the city outside the floor-to-ceiling windows lit up for the first time in the night. Only Duan JunJie remained in the large office. In the silent environment, no breathing could be heard, only the monotonous keyboard percussion sounds in rugged manner.

-BEEP!

A sharp alarm interrupted Duan JunJie's work. He quickly opened the alarm interface and found that the source of the alarm was Victor's office. --- "The sound pulse from the office is fluctuating abnormally..." Duan JunJie watched the screen as he whispered, "...Someone is eavesdropping?"

It's not surprising that Victor will be exposed by some people. What surprised Duan JunJie is that someone dared to do something in Victor's office. He immediately sent an encrypted signal to Victor, asking the other party to come out of the office immediately. But even after a long time, Victor in the camera remained motionless. Not too long after, he saw a girl pushing to open the door of the office, still holding some documents in her hand.

She is the boss of [Miracle Entertainment or MC's company name], a film and television company invested by LFG and a member of BLACK SWAN, Miss NOX.

".....So that's it. You don't want to stun the snake, huh." --- Seeing this scene, Duan JunJie breathed a sigh of relief. It also reflects that the time for NOX to report on official business is the anti-tracking time given to him by Victor. He has to be worthy of the 16 salary that Victor offered to give him.

An hour later, Duan JunJie stood in front of Victor's office and knocked on the door three times.

"Come in."

Duan JunJie walked in, closed the door carefully and operated the small anti-eavesdropping device in his hand. He fidgeted it a few times and finally installed it on the door. Then he turned around and said straightforwardly, "BOSS, it's done." --- "Speak."

"The source of the eavesdropping was traced to the tea room in Xicheng District. This is the background check of the tea room owner and the personnel he has been in close contact with recently."

*[Note : Searched and found out that Xicheng District is an actual district in Beijing, China i.e popular for dining, restaurants and nightlife.]*

Duan JunJie operated the device a few times on his mobile phone and the corresponding intelligence content popped up on Victor's computer. "A few people had contact with the "Small Syringe". As for the person who installed the eaves dropping device, they have also been found. They are the cleaners who cleaned your office yesterday. According to monitoring and comparison, they are not really from LFG but they disguised as staffs to enter. People have been arranged to go to the town's tea room, they can act at any time." -- "Got it."

Victor's tone was always faint, his expression calm as if he had not experienced such tense eavesdropping crisis one after another or perhaps for this man, he had experienced countless even more dangerous situation that not even Duan JunJie can imagine. More knife-pointed, like the scene of life and death on the front line.

He scanned the page for a few moments, hit the button and said, "Move on to the next stage." -- But the meaning of entering the next stage does not mean that he does not need to care about how those eavesdroppers will be dealt with. Duan JunJie nodded knowingly, "Understood." Victor's gaze flew through the floor-to-ceiling long windows to the far ground, as if he was saying to Duan JunJie or as if he was saying to an invisible opponent, "The line has already been put for long enough." -- Duan JunJie lowered his head, "I will continue to report to you if there is a new situation."

He turned to leave the office but suddenly wrinkled his nose before leaving. A faintly sweet smell was floating on the tip of his nose which he doesn't know where it came from was like the caramel smell he would sense when he would pass the dessert shop downstairs the building.

This kind of sweet smell is not supposed to appear in Victor's office. It might be just an illusion, Duan JunJie thought.

[Chapter 4]

Without even realizing, it was the end of the year again. At this time, the center of the topic among the colleagues will be drawn more and more to the LFG annual meeting.

"Last year, someone in the department next door got paid for a month of paid travel along with wine reported!"

"I want to get a camera. Maybe also with an advanced equipment and so my photography skills will improve..."

"Lawyer Duan, what prize do you want to get?"

"The Sunshine award." Duan JunJie replied.

The atmosphere suddenly became silent. ---- Duan JunJie thinks this topic is meaningless and he doesn't think he has the luck to win a lottery either. Excessive luxurious prizes are often accompanied by huge risks. He is only greedy for peace and stability and does not want to have a life full of too many twists and turns.

It's better to go home and cook an extra meal for the cat when you finally have gotten time.

LFG's annual meeting has always been very lively. In addition to the people from the headquarters, some co-operating companies will also come to socialize. Backed up companies owners such as the boss of [MC's company name], MC will not be absent any year either. --- After the last eavesdropping incident, probably out of affirmation of his work ability, Victor handed him more tasks. As a result, he came into contact with this woman who had an unusual relationship with the BOSS. Although he exchanged the information online, the other party did not know his identity in reality.

He glanced at the energetic girl and then turned away, not planning to say 'hello' to her as LFG's lawyer, Duan JunJie. --- What Duan JunJie didn't expect was that he won the second prize at this annual meeting.

The moment his name appeared on the big screen, his colleagues seemed to be more excited than him. These guys who usually self-evaluate the law elites laughed and made noises while surrounding him and asked him to invite guests to share this joy.

"You are the King of our department this year, Lawyer Duan"

Duan JunJie was so annoyed by them that he simply made an excuse and slipped out of the annual party ahead of time. He had just gotten in the car and was about to start when suddenly two figures flashed in the corner of his eye that shouldn't have been there at this time. --- Victor and NOX walked to the garage side by side and the two seemed to be talking about something. Duan JunJie thought it might not be an official business because the girl's face had a brilliant smile that seemed appropriate to her young age. She carried a bag of vegetables in one hand and the other hand was making gestures from time to time. Victor's eyebrows were still sharp and cold but the corners of his mouth have a slight arc. And if Duan JunJie is right, is this the B.S BOSS carrying a bag of.....cat litter?

It's the same cat litter as Amo.

Duan JunJie raised his eyebrows. He felt as if he had discovered something extraordinary; something he shouldn't have witnessed. --- So, Duan JunJie asked questions unrelated to work for the first time in the work email the next day.

"Why does the poster of LFG annual meeting feature a Siamese cat?"

Victor quickly answered him.

"That is my cat. It is a mascot."

[Chapter 5]

Affected by the LFG's malicious acquisition of pharmaceutical companies from the outside world, recently, the atmosphere in the company is much more sluggish than it used to be. The laughter and gossips are no longer in the lounge, they have become quiet discussions and sighs.

"When I went to get a coffee across the street today, the clerk saw my staff badge and said that he would not accept me as a customer. I was really speechless..."

"Huh, if he didn't accept you then you should've complained to him and not only complain but also wear LFG badge everyday to buy the coffee. It is never a shame to be a LFG employee!"

"That's right!" -- Duan JunJie was stunned and stopped for a while but a colleague in the pantry had already noticed him. "Lawyer Duan!"

Duan JunJie nodded at them and poured the remaining water from the glass into the sink. A female colleague said with a smile, "How is Amo from Lawyer Duan's family?"

"He's okay, just losing weight recently."

"By the way, we recently established a 'LFG cat-lover group'. Does Lawyer Duan want to join?” The female colleague laughed at him and while asking him that.

 "Occasionally, We also see CEO Li's little pudding!"

"Oh, thank you. Let me think about it." --- After bidding farewell to his colleagues, Duan JunJie set off for the BS Building. One or two minutes before, he got a message from the special communication channel of B.S that an emergency meeting was to be held.

Before entering the meeting room, he habitually knocked the door three times and after getting permission from Victor, he finally opened the door and entered.

"The next step of the plan can start."

"I know. I will arrange the needed manpower." --- As usual Victor was ready to withstand his(Duan JunJie's) next actions until a silver-haired man suddenly broke in and interrupted Duan JunJie's bargaining with Victor over the length of overtime work he has to do.

"You two can talk slowly."

Without waiting for the silver-haired man to scan his eyes coldly, Duan JunJie turned around and left the meeting room very wittily. He's only doing what he's supposed to do, not listening to what he shouldn't listen to. This is the work principle he has always believed in. -- Duan JunJie feels that his current life is very good. Both LFG and BLACK SWAN are huge and sophisticated associations, requiring countless "Attorney Duan" and Caerus as screws to maintain their operation.

The man at the helm/steer who directs the operation is Victor.

Screws can get stuck occasionally and can be replaced but Victor cannot make any mistakes, let alone replace him. Once he makes any mistakes, the consequences are bound to be fatal.

Perhaps in terms of risk, following the word "Victor" is already the biggest gamble in Duan JunJie's life. ---- His tokens were all on bet because of this man. He inexplicably believed that Victor could win, not because of the gorgeous numbers in LFG's annual report, nor because B.S continued to grow these glamorous crowns and success under his leadership.

But is the stray cat that was rescued, the brand new "Small Syringe" industry chain and the badge on the chest of his colleagues.....The reason lied in these things.

Duan JunJie turned on his phone and opened the messaging app before starting the next stage of work.

"What was the 'LFG cat-lover group' number again?"

[R&S CLEARED]

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

T/N : Thank you for reading. Do let me know if there are any errors.

But the biggest question still prevails. What was the cat groups number?

[plus-size-reader]

Crush

Kurt Wagner x Plus size!reader

Word Count: 1734 words

Warnings: none

Summary: Jubilee and Scott set up the reader and Kurt. 

——————————————————————————————————

Kurt had a crush.

He tried his hardest to keep it to himself, making sure that no one noticed, but unfortunately for him, Kurt just wasn’t that subtle.  

As soon as Jubilee took notice of the way Kurt was eyeing you in that Journeys, she knew that he had a huge crush and she also knew that something had to be done about it.

Kurt was shy, and would never do anything about his feelings for you if it was up to him.

Every one of his friends knew that.

That was part of the reason he was here, in the mall again. Though, to be fair, it wasn’t really of his own fruition.

The four of them; Scott, Jubilee, Jean, and Kurt, had been at the mall a few days ago, mostly out of boredom. There was little to do around here other than mindless shopping or sneaking out to see shows at the park.

There wasn’t much for a bunch of mutant teens to do other than that. However, they had more of a reason to be here today than stifling their unending boredom.

They wanted to introduce you to Kurt, at least before the end of the day.

It wasn’t going to be an easy feat, as most of it had to be done behind their blue friends back, who would surely panic if he found out. Luckily, he showed no sign of concern quite yet.

Instead, he followed behind both Scott and Jubilee who led the pack as usual, heading toward the food court.

That was always their first stop, mostly because Jean refused to listen to Scott complaining about his empty stomach for the next few hours as Jubilee searched for some new knee socks.

It was the one condition she’d put in place for tagging along to these sorts of things. That, and the Professor demanded that she go with them to get away from her studies for a few hours.

If he didn’t, she would have stayed within the walls of the Academy. It was safer there. She couldn’t hurt anyone, and while she would never admit it, by this point, Jean was starting to look forward to spending time with her friends at the mall.

Not that she would have advised something like this if they had asked her first. As someone who didn’t like to be caught off guard, she never would have led Kurt into a trap like they were.

Jubilee and Scott both knew that, of course, but that was why they hadn’t asked her. It would be much better to just let her watch from afar.

Besides, both young mutants had implicit faith in the fact that this whole thing was going to be nothing but good.

They had seen the way Kurt watched you, doing his best to keep it from being obvious, and he didn’t know it, but you did the same. Every six or seven minutes, you would make your rounds asking the group of them if they needed anything.

Maybe it could be explained as you just doing your job but Scott didn’t think so. You always addressed your words at Kurt more than anyone else. Scott was no stranger to a girl with a crush, and he’d know that look anywhere. Frankly, he’d bet anything on the fact that you were into his shy little buddy, all he had to do was prove it.

...And prove it, he would.

“You know guys, I’m not really hungry. Maybe we can skip the food court for a while” Scott started, doing his best to be inconspicuous, though he wasn’t that good of an actor.

He and Jubilee had practiced this a few times last night, going through how they were going to get Kurt a date, and she was quick to pick up the slack.

So quick, in fact, that neither Jean nor Kurt took much notice to how strange they were being.

“That’s okay. I have to get a new set of laces for my boots though, so we better hit the journeys while we’re right here” she interjected, not even batting an eye.

It was a good lie.

Jubilee had several pairs of sneakers and boots that she loved to customize with bright colored laces and charms. As far as excuses went, it couldn’t have been better.

No one spoke for a moment or more as the gaggle of them made their way toward where the Journeys was located. It wasn’t something they even had to think about.

In fact, it was almost like their feet were moving on their own, muscle memory taking over to get them where they wanted to go. Kurt got much more quiet and reserved as they neared that place he knew so well. He thought about it a lot, or at least, he thought about you a lot.

The very idea of you busting around the place, buzzing around like a busy bee made his head spin. You were just trying to help as many people as possible, and were in no means frightening, but he couldn’t make himself speak to you.

It just seemed like something he couldn’t do.

Almost as if the action itself was some sort of sacreligious thing he couldn’t be allowed to do.

Still, as nervous as he was, Kurt couldn’t help but smile when he entered the store. It was sort of dingy, on purpose, and was heaven for teens like Jubilee and Peter.

Kurt himself had just never gotten that into those sorts of things. The sneakers that dressed his feet were the same that he wore every day, that he only replaced when he couldn’t wear them any longer.

“You guys can just wait out here if you want? I shouldn’t be more than a few minutes” Ju informed, eyeing the blue teenager out of the corner of her eye, practically watching him deflate.

He was relieved, of course, that he didn’t have to risk making a fool of himself but he had been looking forward to seeing you.

“Sounds good, we can just wait here” Jean stepped in now, taking a seat on one of the metal benches nearby, leaning up against a large green plant.

She wanted to go to the bookstore and anything else was a distraction from that. All she had to do was wait for everyone else to finish their errands before she could escape there.

“Is that okay Kurt? You didn’t need anything did you?” Scott questioned next, smirking at the taller male, who would have visibly blushed if he could have.

Every one of his friends was making it abundantly clear that they’d found him out, but still, he just shook his head. “No, that’s fine” he assured, his accent leaving his lips cautiously.

...And with that, Jubilee disappeared through the mouth of the store, a giddy skip in her step as she did.

This was what she’d been waiting for.

After all, she didn’t need any new laces after all.

Ju had ventured this way yesterday with Peter, striking up a conversation with you while the grey-haired teen searched for a new pair of white Doc Martens.

She learned about your schedule, and found out that you were just a really cool chick who happened to work in the mall. Then, toward the end of the conversation, she asked if you’d be interested in seeing a movie with her friend.

You were understandably apprehensive at first, but once she explained who it was, you agreed happily.

As it would turn out, Kurt wasn’t the only one with a crush.

You told Jubilee that you didn’t work today, assuming that would throw a wrench in her plans. However, you having the day off only worked in her favor.

That meant you would be able to spend all day with them, and more importantly, Kurt.

So, you agreed to meet in Journeys at this exact time with the prime objective of surprising the young male. Now, all that was left was to put it all into motion.

“Hey, you ready?” she grinned, approaching you with a wide smile on her face. She was beyond excited, and knowing what was coming only made her that much more excited.

All you did was nod, returning the side hug she gave you before following her outside the store, back to where she’d left all her friends waiting.

Scott smiled when he saw the two of you approaching, though Kurt didn’t even notice at first, his attention poised on the He-Man action figure Scott had bought him.

It was meant to be a joke at first, but Kurt actually really liked it. After all, he had only just started watching that show with Peter when it was on.

“Bad news. They didn’t have the laces I wanted, but I picked up something else instead” she started, reaching down to take your hand in her own, presenting you to the group of them in a near awkward way.

Had you not known about this beforehand, it would have been unbearable.

“Kurt, this is Y/N. I think you probably recognize her” Jubilee smiled, somehow even wider than before as she looked between the two of you, watching the magic happen.

She had always been obsessed with those rom-com movies she rented sometimes, and this was her chance to experience one in real life.

Of course she was excited.

“Hello Y/N” he spoke, taking a moment or two to collect himself before doing so. He just wasn’t sure what to say that wouldn’t make you think he was completely out of his mind or something.

“Kurt, why don’t you take Y/N to go see a movie while we finish up here” Scott suggested, sending a wink in Jubilee’s direction as he handed over a few tickets he’d gotten before, to A Never Ending Story.

It wasn’t something he would have ever seen himself, but from the looks of it, it was probably something Kurt would find humor in and you’d already agreed to watch it.

By all accounts, it was perfect, and Kurt wasn’t exactly in a position to refuse so he only took the tickets from his friend and went off with you.

“Mission Accomplished” Ju grinned, high-fiving her best friend happily, and accomplished it was.

By the end of the movie, you and Kurt had another date in the wings.

[imagineyourworld-old]

The Duchess and the Captain (Part Two)

Rex x Fem!Duchess!Reader

Summary: You get to know your husband, Duke Palpatine, and quickly realize what you will be missing in your marriage. Can Captain Rex make you feel better?

Warnings: Mentions of smut (maybe slight smut, I don’t really know, sex is not forced on the reader but expected of her and therefore might be triggering to some, but no detailed descriptions) 

Previous Part, Masterlist

-------

The next few days passed you by in a heartbeat. You spend most of your time getting acquainted with your new home, which wasn’t as easy as it sounded. In addition to the main house there was the orangerie, a small tea parlor in the park and two different gardens just for afternoon strolls. And of course the stables, houses for servants, barracks for the guards and so many other building you didn’t even try to remember.

“You really are lucky”, your mother sighed with a content smile.

The two of you were strolling through the rose garden behind the house, the smaller of the two gardens. It was beautiful, everything was well kept and every flower had its place, but every time you were here you felt out of place. Confined to your life, trapped like the birds that Padmé had told you your husband insisted to keep locked in cages in the garden.

��I will be sad to leave you, but I really do need to get back to your father and brother. Now that you’re happily married it’s Edward’s turn and finding him a wife will be a lot more challenging than finding you a husband, you know how stubborn he can be.”

Though you tried you couldn’t really listen to your mother. All she talked about was how lucky you were to be married to the Duke, how happy she was for you and how excited you must be to see your husband again tomorrow.

You let your gaze sweep through the garden until it halted at General Skywalker. The General had been following whenever you set foot outside the house, and even inside he was never far. The first time you met he had told you that those were your husband’s wishes, that he was only there to keep you safe, but part of you feared he might be reporting your every move back to the Duke. Even the smile the General send you could not easy your suspicions.

“Are you even listening to me?”

Finally your mother’s word rang through to you.

“I’m sorry. I’m just... lost in my thoughts...”

Your mother put a reassuring hand on your arm. You leaned into the familiar touch, a small piece of home in this strange new place.

“Are you thinking of your husband? Do you miss him very much?”

Sometimes you were sure your mother had to be joking. She must realize that you didn’t love, didn’t even like, Palpatine. And it wasn’t just the age difference, which in itself made every interaction with him awkward, he was just so cold. It was obvious he cared as little for you as you did for him and that might have been what bothered you most. You had been more or less forced to marry him, for his money, his title and because no one else had asked to marry you, but he could have had anyone. Half the girls in the country would have married him in an instant, so why did he choose someone he didn’t have any feelings for? Why did he waste his one chance at happiness and propose to you?

“I... I was just thinking that our marriage might not be as it should. We’re nothing like you and father”, you finally said, hoping this would both voice your concerns and not be too obvious about them. But your mother just laughed.

“Darling, that is normal. Relationships take time and work, your father and I didn’t instantly fall in love, but when you’re raising a family together and spending your lives together love will come. And you are so easy to love, it will be alright.”

You should have known your mother would not understand your concerns, she had never shared your dreams of marrying for love, of being swept off your feet in a fairytale like romance. Before you could pretend to agree with her, however, you were interrupted.

Obi-Wan came to a halt before you. He inclined his head in a small bow before addressing you and your mother.

“Your Grace, my lady, the Duke has returned and wishes to see you.”

At first you thought, though you knew it was wishful thinking, that he was talking about another Duke. Maybe one of your husband’s friends had come to visit and wanted to meet you for the first time. But you knew you would have had to face Palpatine, even if he was a day early.

“Thank you, Kenobi. Thought I would like to change before greeting my husband. If you would be so kind as to send Padmé up to my room.

The butler nodded.

“Certainly, my lady.”

-------

-------

Half an hour later you were sitting in the drawing room with your husband.

“I take it the house is to your liking”, he said.

Those were the first words either of you had spoken since your ���Good afternoon” ten minutes earlier.

You sat your cup down on the saucer and smiled at him. A smile you hoped seemed happy and sincere.

“Very much, thank you.”

Silence took hold of you again. You refrained from playing with your spoon or the hem of your dress, two of your nervous habits your mother had told you a thousand times to drop.

You looked around the beautiful room. The curtains were moving ever so slightly in the wind that came through the open windows, one of your husband’s ancestors was staring at you from the huge portray above the fire place, his eyes seemed to follow your every move.

“I will only be here one night. Urgent business calls me away my estate in Naboo tomorrow, technically I should not even be spending the night and go there right away, but I suppose we should get to work.”

You turned away from the picture to look at the Duke. He was staring at you with an unreadable expression in his cold eyes, so cold and calculating, they almost made you shiver.

“I’m not sure I understand”, you said, hating how weak and uncertain you sounded. “What ‘work’ are you referring to?”

For a moment your husband’s masked moved as he looked at you in shock. You hated how he could make you feel dumb and inferior without saying a single word, but you knew it was not your place to say anything about that.

“I am of course talking about producing an heir.”

Now you couldn’t stop the shiver. You knew you had to give your husband an heir, multiple if possible, but part of you had hoped he would forget all about that part of your marriage after your wedding night. But you knew your duty and you had heard more than enough stories about women who refused their husbands, or even had lovers, and the terrible things that happened to them and no matter how much you didn’t want to, you would rather get it over with than suffer the same fate.

“Yes, I... of course. I am looking forward to it.”

Another cold glance from Palpatine and the very forced smile fell from your lips.

“It is not for you to look forward to or to enjoy, it’s is your duty.”

All you managed to do was nod. What else were you supposed to do? Where you supposed to answer anything?

Palpatine seemed content with your reaction though. He placed his tea on the small table between you and got up.

“One more thing”, he said as he reached the door. “I will be taking General Skywalker with me from now on, there were some... disputes the last couple of days and I will be needing more protection. Captain Rex will be your personal guard from now on.”

Without so much as a goodbye he left the drawing room and closed the door behind him.

With a loud sigh you leaned back on the couch, ignoring where your corset dug into your ribs uncomfortably. You closed your eyes and took a few deep breaths.

“It’s just one night, he’ll be gone again tomorrow”, you whispered, knowing that it might just be one night this time, but that your husband would always come back for more and there was nothing you could to to stop him.

“My lady, are you alright?”

You hadn’t heard anyone entering the room, but even without looking you recognized the familiar voice. Though the words were professional, the tone made it clear that Rex wasn’t just asking because it was expected of him, he really cared, at least to some degree. 

You opened your eyes to find his own focused on your face, an uncertain look in them, as if he wanted to step closer but didn’t dare to. 

“No”, you whispered. 

Abruptly you sat up straight again. Panic flooded through your veins. You were supposed to say “I’m fine”, not tell anyone, especially a guard, a servant, that you were not alright.  

“Is there something I can do?” 

Now the Captain really did take a step towards you. He wasn’t close exactly, definitely not as close has he had been that night in the kitchen, but you could have sworn you could see the different shades of brown in his eyes and smell a mixture of leather, horses and something you could only describe as sunshine. 

You shook your head. There was nothing he, or anyone, could do. You had gotten yourself into this situation, and not just the having to sleep with the Duke part, but the whole entire marriage. Though it had been expected of you, you could have declined his offer. Your mother would have been disappointed, your father mad, but they would have come to accept your choice. 

After taking another deep breath you decided it was time to get up. But for some reason even something as simple as standing seemed like an impossible deed right now. The Captain instantly noticed your struggle. He stepped even closer, close enough for you to take his hand when he offered it to help you up. 

His skin was rough, making it obvious you were holding the hand of a guard, someone who saddled horses and shot guns all day, but that roughness felt realer than any of the soft fabrics you had touched all your life. 

You knew you should let go the moment you were on your feet, you knew what this would look like should anyone walk in on you, but your thumb seemed to have a mind of its own when it started softly stroking the Captain’s hand. 

He let out a sound that was something between a sigh and a growl while tensing and relaxing within a single second. At first you feared you had overstepped a boundary, a personal that is, because this was without question overstepping any professional boundaries. Your eyes had been focused on your hands, but you slowly lifted them to meet his gaze. The Captain’s eyes were darker than they had been just moments before, but there was an warmth in them you had not seen before. 

“You know”, you whispered in a soft voice as not to interrupt the moment. “I feel better already.” 

And you really did. The guard’s touch and the warmth in his eyes made you feel more comfortable, more relaxed, than you had been for days. 

He opened his mouth, closed it again and then cleared his throat. His voice was deeper than it had been moments before and it made your body tense in unfamiliar places. 

“I’m glad.” 

It seemed as if he wanted to add something when the door burst open. 

“There you are, I’ve been looking everywhere for you! Skywalker needs your help, he lost something and keeps mumbling about how you’re his only hope”, the intruder, another guard you recognized as Rex’s brother Fives, exclaimed. 

You hadn’t noticed the Captain had let go of your hand until he took a step back. His cheeks were slightly darker than they had been before, but his expression hasn’t changed. 

It was only then, when the blonde moved away from you, that his brother realized you were even in the room. He shot the Captain a look you could not read, no matter how much you wanted to, before bowing slightly. 

“Your Grace, I did not see you there.” 

A soft laugh found its way out of you. You couldn’t help but instantly like Fives. He was more relaxed than his brother, though they shared a light in their eyes that told you how much alike they could be. 

“It’s alright, Fives.” 

The guard’s eyes widened in shock. 

“You know my name?” 

“Your brother told you a bit about you, about your other brothers as well. I myself am very close to my older brother Edward, so... Sorry, I... I should probably stop talking.” 

The times your mother had told you not to discuss family with anyone, especially servants, came to your mind and after already breaking protocol with the Captain earlier you though it best to be quiet. 

Fives didn’t seem to notice your awkwardness as his eyes moved between you and his brother, which you, on the other hand, didn’t notice. 

“We should get to General Skywalker then”, the Captain finally said, interrupting the silence. 

With a nod, a “Good day, my lady” and a bow Fives left the room. His brother followed, but turned around to face you once more. 

“I hope you’ll feel better soon”, he said with a smile. A smile that told you that he didn’t regret what had happened between the two of you earlier. 

You knew you shouldn’t, but you felt the same and tried to show it in your next words. 

“Thank you, Rex.” 

This time he heard you calling him by his name, the most beautiful sound he had heard in his life. But instead of closing the distance between you again, to touch your hand one last time before returning to his duty, he just bowed and hurried to leave the room. 

-------

That evening dinner was a quiet affair. Your husband barely talked, even though your mother tried her best to strike up a conversation. But the hardest part came after the meal when you had to say goodbye to your mother, who would be leaving early the next morning. 

“I will miss you so much, my darling. But you will be just fine, I know it. You’re going to be a great duchess and a good wife.” 

Your mother had tears streaming down her cheeks as she said this. She had the same proud look in her eyes as she did when you had accepted the Duke’s proposal and when you had exchanged your vows, after all, having your daughter marry a rich duke was every mother’s dream and her’s had come true. 

You told her that you would miss her as well, to give your love to your father and brother and that you would write as much as possible and then, after tearful hugs and kisses, your mother was gone and you were all alone. 

With tears still drying on your cheeks you sat at your vanity table and stared at your reflection. In the few days since the wedding you seemed to have aged a lot, not in the positive maturing sense either, you simply looked exhausted. Dark bags were under your red eyes, the colour has left your skin and even your hair seemed lifeless. 

“Pinching your cheeks should help”, Padmé offered as she stepped into the room. 

You turned around to face your maid. She was holding a candle in one hand and a piece of cloth in the other. Before stepping closer to you she laid the cloth down on the foot of the bed. 

“I have brought you a nightdress your husband wants you to wear.” 

The look in her eyes spoke of sympathy and pity and even though you knew she was being kind you resented her for it. If Padmé ever got married she could choose her husband, choose someone she loved and who loved her and not marry a cold old man because it was expected of her. 

“Is there”, Padmé started but hesitated to continue. Only when you looked at her and nodded did she speak again. “Is there anything I can do to make you more comfortable tonight?” 

You took a moment to think about it but ended up deciding that there really wasn’t. You had already downed more wine than usually at dinner and it had done nothing to calm your nerves and in the end you decided that you would rather be fully present for what was about to happen than give your husband the opportunity to do whatever he wanted without resistance. 

“Thank you, but I think I’ll manage.” 

Call it women’s intuition, but both you could tell that Padmé didn’t really believe you. 

“Forgive me for speaking so boldly, but if you ever want to talk about what happens in the bedroom between husband and wife, or anything else for that matter, I am here for you.” 

In that moment you realized that just because your mother had left didn’t mean that you were alone. Yes, Padmé was your servant, but you knew other girls who were good friends with their lady’s maids, so why shouldn’t she be your friend as well as your servant? 

“Thank you very much for the offer, but I doubt there is anything you know that I don’t. After all, you’re not married.” 

She raised an eyebrow and seemed to consider something before ultimately shaking her head. 

“I’m not”, she said in a tone that made you question whether there was someone who held a special place in her heart. “But I have heard that some women think of other men when in bed with their husbands.” 

For some reason you didn’t want to investigate any further Captain Rex popped into your head. The feel of his rough hands against your soft ones, the warmth in his gaze, the sound of his voice and laugh. You quickly shook your head, both to get rid off the thoughts and to hide the colour rising to your cheeks from Padmé. Fortunately your maid knew not to press the issue any further. 

“Should I help you change into your nightdress?”

-------

You supposed you should consider yourself lucky that your husband seemed to be in a hurry to get his visit to your bedroom over with. He was in and out of your room within minutes. The time he was with you, and inside you, still felt like hours rather than minutes. The entire time your husband didn’t speak a word, not even a “good night” when he left again and if it hadn’t been for the noises he made you would have thought it was just as much of a duty for him as it was for you, but your mother had told you enough for you to know that the noises meant he was enjoying himself. 

As soon as you heard the door from your sitting room to the corridor close you hurried off the bed and to your bathroom. Padmé, as if she’d know you would need it, had left a second bowl of water and piece of cloth next to the one you used to wash yourself in the morning. You tried to clean your nether regions as best as you could before returning to the bedroom, where you covered as much of the bed as possible with the two clean towels you had brought from the bathroom. 

Though you didn’t feel as clean as you would have liked it would have to do for now and it didn’t take as much tossing and turning for you to fall asleep as you had anticipated. 

-------

The next morning Rex didn’t see you until a few hours after Palpatine had left. He had asked Echo to stay with you while he arranged for the General’s absence, but around midday he finally managed to relief his brother and take on his duty of watching over you. 

You were seated on a small chaise in the rose garden and Rex tried not to stare at how the sun shone on your hair and made your skin glow. Your eyes were closed and he couldn’t tell whether you were sleeping or simply relaxing, all he knew was that you looked more peaceful than you had the day before. 

“What were you doing all day? I thought you were supposed to always be with me”, you asked. 

Rex didn’t know how you could tell it was him standing in the shade of the cherry tree and no longer Echo since your eyes were still closed. For a moment he entertained the thought that you could sense him as much as he could sense you, but he banned that idea from his head almost as soon as it appeared. You had probably just opened your eyes for a split second and seen him, that had to be it.

“I had to sort through the General’s notes for training and timetables to keep everything running smooth while he is gone, that took a while.” 

You hummed in acknowledgement. Finally you looked at him. He felt as if your eyes could look straight through cloth, flesh and muscle to into his soul, and find something growing there you were never supposed to see. 

“I’m glad you’re here now, Captain.” 

The almost teasing way in which you pronounced his rank reminded him of how you had said his name the day before. He had heard beautiful instruments, stunning voices and the exoctic birds the Duke kept around the gardens, but nothing compared to how you said his name. To him it no longer sounded like a name, but a beautiful song, something to cherish, to think of before falling asleep at night and to haunt one’s dreams. 

Though Rex wasn’t what you would call shy, he was very reserved, especially when dealing with his employer, so he did nothing but nod at your comment and then stare straight ahead. He had already allowed himself too many liberties with you and now, as your personal guard, he had to remain professional, or else risk losing everything. 

You, however, did not seem to get his subtle hint, because you just kept talking. 

“I must admit, I much prefer the other garden, what was it called again? The rose garden is beautiful and everything, but it’s just a little too close to the house, I much prefer something more private. But it is too hot to take a single step more than necessary. I really don’t know how you manage in your uniform, you must be melting. Though, if you want, you could take off your jacket. Only if you want, maybe you’re cold, maybe it’s just me who cannot take this heat, but if you want to -”, you stopped your rambling mid sentence. 

Rex risked a short glance at you. Your face was red, as was your neck, and a single drop of sweat was running down your temple to your neck and even further down towards an area he would not risk looking at. 

“I’m sorry”, you said after a bit of silence. “I often find I cannot stop talking when I’m nervous.” 

He tried, he really tried, not to show his surprise, but his eyebrows seemed to have a will of their own when they lifted in confusion. Though Rex managed not to look at you when he spoke, a small victory. 

“What do you have to be nervous about, my lady?”

Part of Rex knew that this conversation could go in a direction it shouldn’t, meaning anything other than the most basic small talk, but another, larger, illogical part, wanted you to keep talking and to listen to every single word you said. 

Your shadow and your footsteps on the gravel told Rex that you were coming closer. Still he did not turn around to face you, not even when you stopped and stood next to him, close enough that he could touch you if only he moved a few centimeters. 

“Everything, to be honest. And nothing at the same time. I am married, living in a big house and should be the happiest girl alive, but it’s just not what I imagined. I feel so out of place, event though this is my home now, and my husband -” 

Rex felt you taking a deep breath rather than hearing it, your whole body relaxed after your exhale. 

“I guess I should stop talking now. After all, my husband is your employer and the only person who should talk about him even less than me, is you.” 

It was your resigned tone that finally made Rex turn to face you. Your blush was gone, instead you had gone quite pale. Only your bright eyes and your lips, the bottom of which you were currently biting, gave your face pops of colour. 

“Did he hurt you?”, Rex asked against his better knowledge. Yes, he was supposed to protect you, but that protection did not extend to the Duke, who, as your husband, was legally allowed to do with you whatever he wanted. 

You hesitated for a fraction of a moment before shaking your head. 

“No, he didn’t. It’s just... My marriage simply isn’t what I had been expecting.” 

Both relief and sadness flooded through Rex. Of course he was glad the Duke hadn’t laid his hands on you, but his heart was also breaking for you. 

“I suppose I was simply holding out hope for a knight in shining armor for so long that even now I can’t get rid of the idea. But that’s on me for reading too many books and wishing for a fairytale.” 

A twinkle was back in your eyes. Maybe, Rex thought, you were thinking of your childhood dreams or even a childhood love. And though he didn’t like the thought of that, a feeling he shoved down as deep as possible, he was glad to see some of your sadness gone. 

“I’ve heard of other women who gain their happiness through their children instead of their husbands”, he said in a low voice. It was something he had seen with his mother, who gave all her love and care to him and his brothers and didn’t seem to have much for her husband.

“Children...”, you stepped closer to Rex after whispering the word. Your (y/e/c) eyes settled on his honey coloured ones. “That’s the whole reason the Duke even married me, to give him an heir. I guess that really is all I’m good for.” 

Rex’s eyes widened in shock. Did you really think that? Did you not see that there could be so much more to your life? 

“I am sorry, my lady, but I disagree. There is so much more to you than the ability give the Duke an heir. You have your whole life ahead of you and-” 

Suddenly Rex noticed the way your eyes hung on his lips, the astounded expression on your face. 

“I... I’m sorry, it’s not my place to say such things.” 

One second you just stared at Rex, the next you reached out and held his hand in yours. A soft smile was on your face and just like that all his worries of getting scolded disappeared and were replaced by a feeling of content and warmth spreading from his hand all the way to his heart. 

“Thank you, Rex”, you said, your voice soft and sincere. “No one has ever said anything like that to me. You’re a kind man.” 

Rex had gotten compliments before, from his mother, his brothers and his General, but never had they meant as much as the four simple words coming out your mouth. He could have sworn his heart stopped at the combination of your smile, your touch and your words. You were giving him so much by simply being with him and he knew, deep down, that nothing he could say would ever repay you for the way he felt in that moment. 

I finally managed to continue this story. Sorry it took so long, but I wanted to take my time to do this right and with uni starting again time is something I don’t have a lot of recently. 

But a huge thank you to everyone who read and commented on the first part! It really means a lot, even though I haven’t figured out how to reply to you using this blog I have read the comments and they warmed my heart. I hope you’ll enjoy this part as much as the first one and are looking forward to part three. 

Taglist: @and-claudia @pinkiemme @callme-eds

[bookwyrminspiration]

TW// Drugs n such

you asked for it smh, but I've been thinking a lot about that one scene in Neverseen in Exilliums healing tent (or whatever its called)

I had a whole rant here about what the implication of this 'serum' might mean in the lost cities but it kinda spiraled into nothing so I'm cutting it out. (main point was just the mood towards drugs, Shannon has had previous mentions of both alcohol and drunk people, so (though im not saying she should incorporate this into a middle grade book series a t a l l), Id be curious to see her take on drugs, (if they exist and how they effect people and the elven population // how is it treated? Is it looked down upon or even forbidden (why we might only see it in Exillium territories) or is it so normal and inconsequential that its just part of the norm in the lost cities?

but anyway, back to the thing I was originally thinking of - i feel like this is something rarely talked about but pls tell me I'm not the only one who has picked up on how weird Keefe's relationship with sedatives is. It's such a contrast to Sophie, where she's openly opposed to taking any type of sedative he seems to be really open to them, in fact in Unlocked every time he's knocked out by a sedative his language is pretty much always positive, like he really enjoys it. This probably just ties into something you mentioned a while back about Keefe and dealing with stuff by running away but I find it really interesting.

(Sorry if this is an uncomfortable ask to get, I know not everyone is comfortable with drug talk and I hope this Isn't overstepping a line.)

you're fine, don't worry! no lines overstepped. I appreciate you including the warning at the top, even though I'm alright talking with the subject. if there's something I'm uncomfortable with, that's not on you to know or worry about because I haven't shared any of my specific triggers, and the more anxiety-inducing ones are so specific to my personal experiences that I highly doubt they'll ever have any effect on any conversation ever. but I do genuinely appreciate your concern <33

I don't remember specifically what I asked for, but this is a topic I hadn't even realized was so fascinating, so thank you for bringing it up! That scene is kinda funny (as in weird) looking back on it, but Keefe was completely out of it and being a lot more vulnerable than he probably wanted to be due to his state of mind. I think it was intended to mirror something like anesthesia or laughing gas (note: in my brief research trying to find info about the boobrie dude I made a mental comparison between tam and sandor, so I'm just making note of it here so I don't forget), at least as far as Keefe's reaction goes. I think part of this was strategic so that we could get some information and vulnerability (although unwillingly) from Keefe and get that first glimpse of "the boy beneath all that swagger" (paraphrased from Sophie). But that's not what your ask is about so I'll move on before I get even more distracted.

wine, at the very least, exists in the lost cities. we've got fizzleberry wine, which is blamed by some for Caprise Redek's accident. Aside from that we've seen no mention of it, as this is a middle grade series about a young teen girl in a fantasy world, and in a "perfect" world there isn't a lot of talk about recreational substances. And I agree with you! this isn't to say that I think drugs and alcohol should be this huge thing in keeper or that it even needs to be address, just commenting that the attitude the general public has towards substances and intoxication is likely even more severe in the elven world, as has been the pattern with other things. We can tell from Caprise's incident that their wine functions similar if not identical to ours, as it was said to have impaired her motor control and thinking, hence how she fell off that balcony. So I think we could assume that drugs in the Lost Cities would be similar to those in the Forbidden Cities in function. Not in name though, likely named after some strange elven thing. Though if we go with the wine example, Fizzleberry is likely an exact description of what it is--the wine probably fizzes and is made from berries.

the elves highly value the mind, so I anticipate that anything that messes with it past beneficial medicinal uses prescribed by a physician are frowned upon. they think of your mental capacity and capabilities as integral to who you are, and composure as essential. drugs take that away and can impair your reasoning, hence my conclusion they're not well liked. however, I propose that this mindset is mostly those who are very proper, for example Lord Cassius. Dex was more than ready to take concentration serums of his own making--and convinced Sophie to take one (note: dex has almost killed both Sophie and Fitz. that can't be fun to know)--which directly messed with his limbic center. However, as he was raised in an apothecary and is already a little less in line with all other elvin values, I don't think him being an outlier is enough to completely through out my assumption. overall: looked down upon because it messes with the mind and the mind is crucial to elven society, and the way it impairs your thinking would make you a lesser person

and you're right! keefe's relationship with sedative is weird. we have this teenager who grew up without stable supports or a loving family having very little regard for how substances will effect his body, prioritizing the possible--not guaranteed, possible--benefits over all the risks. this is not to say drug use is inherently bad, just that the situation he's in makes me very cautious because he feels more at risk of falling into bad habits. also, your observation about tying that into him running away is very astute! i've talked a lot about him running away from his problems in more ways that physical, and I think this is an excellent example of that

he doesn't like his reality, the world he lives in when he's awake and aware and lucid. it's full of all these problems and people and he doesn't know what to do. but when he's asleep? he doesn't have to deal with any of that. he doesn't have to do anything, but he's also troubled enough and anxious enough that sleep doesn't always come easy, and he can be plagued by nightmares. but those sedatives mess with his mind and not only make him sleep faster and longer, but they can mess with your dreams and alter the reality you experience while asleep. i guess it could be a way of trying to take control of a situation he had very little control over, especially in unlocked when everyone else was trying to fix things without consulting him. with his waking world that bad, of course he's gonna like anything that takes him away from it.

it stands out especially when we switch to him as a narrator and he's praising these things and wanting to be sedated, as we've spent so long in Sophie's head and she's so against them from the trauma she experienced in the first book. that could mean his attitude them is more jarring just because we're used to Sophie and it wouldn't seem as dramatic if we'd switched from say, Fitz's head. but that doesn't mean there's nothing here.

i think i've said it before, but Keefe doesn't have any healthy coping strategies right now that he consistently relies on. his deference towards avoidance and making the problem go away, even if it's just in feeling induced by drugs, is a more extreme example of how he doesn't know how to just exist without hurting.

I jumped around a bit between topics so if I missed something you wanted to talk about more in depth please feel free to send another ask! Keefe's relationship to experiencing reality is fascinating and covers things from denial and refusal to change all the way to drugs and literally altering the way his brain perceives reality. This boy is on a collision course with destruction in both body and mind.

[syndianites]

A Queen Serves and Protects

Chapter Three

First Chapter --> Last Chapter --> Current --> Next Chapter Summary:

Post-Style Queen, Pre-Queen Wasp.

Chloe finds the Bee Miraculous, but instead of finding an obliging, subservient Kwami, she finds the Kwami of Order and Subjugation, and Pollen is not about to let herself be used like Nooroo was.

Granted, the only danger in a teenage girl is the damage she poses to herself. Can Pollen shape Chloe into a hero? Or will she stubbornly refuse to change and remain the bitter, harsh person the city has long since known?

[My take on how Chloe’s character could have developed] ——————————————————————————————

Getting akumatized was a special sort of uncomfortable. But it was exhilarating in all the same ways. Everything that one felt became louder, bigger, something beyond what it used to be. It grew into power. The power to act and take what was yours.

For Chloe, it just made her more upset. The anger had almost fizzled out, but the akuma brought it back with a vengeance. But unlike the last time she had been akumatized, her sorrow manifested much stronger than her rage.

Her skin darkened to a deep blue, almost purple, like the edge of the night sky after the sun had set. Where her hair had been in a high ponytail, it was undone and draped down and around her face. It looked stuck together and damp as though she had just been rained on. Chloe’s makeup looked washed out and runny both from her own tears and the transformation.

Most notably, her clothes became a simple long t-shirt and sweatpants that looked worn down and overused. The pants were a bright, light blue, while the shirt was a dark, deep crimson. To top it off, her sunglasses molded into a hat not unlike what her mother wore, but with goggles inlaid into them.

Without a word, Chloe put her hands before her and a large pair of scissors, easily the size of her chest, formed in her hand. Transformation complete, she turned on a dime and walked out the locker room.

A moment of silence followed before Pollen poked her head out the locker she had hidden away in. “Well, this isn’t good.”

//////

Marinette had never been so uncomfortable in her life. That included that time when she was seven and her twice removed cousins from her dad’s side came over and asked her why she didn’t wear dresses if she liked making them so much. And that one time she stepped foot first into a mud puddle, lost her shoe, and had to walk home with a sock soaked in mud.

It was bad.

Audrey, once Chloe had stormed out, continued on her tirade. “Ugh, how dramatic. Little Charlie needs to learn her place. She simply can’t compare to talent like yours, dear.”

Starting at being addressed, Marinette gave her a pinched smile.

“Now,” Audrey continued. “You simply must come to New York with me. The opportunities are endless, and skill such as yours would flourish under my attention!”

Her heart skipped a beat. New York was a big deal for fashion. Next to Paris, it was the place to be, and opening up her contacts to overseas big names would be a huge step for her career.

But could she work with someone this awful?

Sure, Marinette didn’t like Chloe, but even she thought that how her own mother treated her was cruel. It made her feel bad for the girl. It explained a lot about her, and for a moment Marinette considered being nicer to Chloe.

Not that that would make Chloe suddenly decide to be a good person. It would take the inevitable explosion of the sun for that to happen.

“I-i, um, I need to think about it, Mrs. Bourgeois.” Marinette glanced over at her parents. “I have a lot to consider about leaving or staying, and my parents still need my help at the bakery.”

Her parents, and oh how she loved them, spoke up immediately, “Oh, we can manage the bakery dear! Don’t worry about little old us, what’s important is your future.”

Please, take the hint guys.

Before Marinette can struggle to find more excuses to deny her request, Adrien pipes up, “Mrs. Bourgeois,” he flashes her an award winning smile, “Don’t you think that the way Chloe was handled was a bit… out of hand?” Gabriel laid a hand on Adrien’s shoulder, squeezing it gently before sharing a look with Natalie and wandering off.

Audrey rolled her eyes behind her sunglasses. “Oh, darling, for such a sweet thing you can be so daft. Girls like that need a quick strike down before they let their misguidedness get to their head.”

Adrien, for his part, kept smiling. For those who knew him well enough, they could see the twitch in his eye as he struggled not to snap at the woman. “Ah, my apologies. In my experience, the best growth comes from a guiding hand that focuses on building a person up rather than tearing them down. But I suppose, for a critic, that is not the case at all. Though, the modelling experience is often different from the experience of those who make judgement calls on others’ hard work.”

Bringing a hand to her chest, Audrey sniffs derisively. “Sure, dear. Of course, most models are meant to make anything they wear look pretty, so it can be hard to see where their accessories are lacking when all they see is themselves.”

Marinette wanted to desperately be anywhere but where she was standing. She almost wished that someone had bust in with the Bee miraculous and caused a scene just so she could excuse herself.

She’d rather deal with her own mistakes a million fold over than this.

Mayor Andre, for his part, smiled a shaky press smile as he tried to talk his wife down. 

Adrien, fed up with Audrey, grabbed Marinette ’s hand and pulled her away quickly. Natalie spared him a glance before going to converse with his bodyguard.

“Can you believe her!” Adrien simmered. “How cruel can you be to your own child!”

Marinette laughed awkwardly. “I mean, at least we know where Chloe gets it from?”

Adrien rounded on her. “Chloe is not as bad as her!”

Taking a step back, she watched Adrien wide-eyed. He sighed, taking a breath to calm himself. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have snapped at you. That display was just awful.”

He ran a hand through his hair, mussing up carefully styled locks.

Hesitating, Marinette asked, “Is she… always like that?”

Adrien gave a tense nod. “Since we were young. Chloe always wanted her mother’s support, but well,” he waved his hand back in her direction, “You try reasoning with that.”

Before either could pick the conversation back up the front doors to the building burst open. Carrying comically large scissors and dressed as what could only be called a fashion disaster was an akuma that looked one bad day away from a mental breakdown.

Or, well, in the middle of a breakdown.

“Audrey Bourgeois! You claim to recognize talent when you see it, but failed to see how your own daughter can be exceptional. Well, I am the Queen Killer and if I cannot be exceptional then no one can! I’ll cut your reign to shreds.” The akuma accented her speech with a threatening snip of her scissors before launching forward at the Style Queen.

Before anyone could react, Queen Killer had Audrey between her blades and closed. A thing, white line appeared where the blades connected and, as Queen drew her weapon away, there was a horrifying moment where Marinette was sure Audrey was split into two pieces.

Instead, a dark shadow started spilling out of Audrey, enveloping her body as she screamed. When the shadow dissipates, a twisted, snarling version of Audrey that looked like she was fused together with five other versions of herself appeared. It lashed out at those around her, screeching and clawing at them.

Queen Killer laughed. “Now everyone will see how hideous and cruel you are!”

Marinette jolted out her shock as Adrien roughly pulled her away. This, unfortunately, brought Queen’s attention to them as the rest of the room also began to run. 

“Dupain-Cheng!” If she had any doubt that that was Chloe, she had none now. ”You stole my mother’s love from me!”

As Queen launched forward with her scissors open, Marinette screamed, “That was not my intention! I didn’t know she would ask me to go to New York with her all over a hat!”

Alas, her pleas were not enough. Stuck in her civilian form, Marinette could not outrun the enraged Queen. Twin blades circled around her waist and cut, forcing Marinette to stumble and fall.

Adrien, worried for his friend, stopped and tried to go back for her. But, between a snarling Queen and Marinette urging him to keep running as a dark shadow overtook her, he kept running. The best thing for Marinette would be Chat Noir and Ladybug. He would have time to check on her later.

Marinette , meanwhile, felt the shadows come off her and… she looked the same. For a moment, she was confused. What was the akuma’s power supposed to be?

But then it bubbled up. Nothing physical. No, that would be too easy. As she looked up towards Queen and thought ‘I need to transform into Ladybug’ a wave of crushing doubt and insecurity gripped her throat.

She would just mess up again. Like she had when she started out, when she lost the Bee miraculous, and every time she let someone get harmed by an akuma. There was no way she could do this. Chat Noir would be better off without her.

As the building cleared and Queen ran out to terrorize the fleeing patrons, Marinette stayed on the ground, shaking. What could she do? Make things worse? Disappoint all of Paris? Put Fu and Chat Noir in danger?

Distantly, she heard someone talking to her, urging her to get up and move. The voice disappeared as he heard footsteps and she was lifted into someone’s arms. A hop, skip, and a jump later had her safely placed down on a chair in a private room, looking into the eyes of Chat Noir. His eyebrows were brought together in concern.

“Stay here, okay? I promise Ladybug and I will fix things for you.” He offered a reassuring smile before dashing out of the room.

When she couldn’t hear his footsteps anymore, Tikki flew out of her pocket. “ Marinette !” The little ladybug placed her paws on her face, getting her to look at Tikki. “Are you okay? What happened after she cut you?”

Shaking her head, Marinette focused on her breathing. ‘C’mon Mari,’ she thought to herself, ‘You can’t let Chat do this alone.’

“I, uh,” she looked back at Tikki, “It’s so bad Tikki. I’m going to mess up and make things worse. Like yesterday with the Bee miraculous! I lost it! Instead of getting help, I lost a potential ally and a powerful magical artifact. If I can’t even keep track of things placed under my care, how can I protect Paris?”

Tikki was at a loss for words. This reminded her so much of the Marinette she first met- unconfident, afraid, and so uncertain in her actions. It was like the cut brought out all the most hurtful parts of herself…

“ Marinette ,” Tikki began, “We all make mistakes. What’s important is working to fix them. Sure, if you do nothing you can’t mess up or disappoint people, but you also can’t grow and succeed. Paris needs its Ladybug, regardless of what the people think of you. I know you can do this. Chat will be there to help you too, I’m sure of it.”

Doubt in her eyes, Marinette nodded. While her doubts and insecurity swirled in her mind, the urge to help others reigned supreme. She had to at least stop the akuma and set things back to normal.

“Alright Tikki,” Marinette swallowed thickly. “Spots On!”

///////////

Chat was not having a good time.

His first thought upon finding Queen snipping people in half with her scissors was that he could easily beat her in combat. What could she do with a pair of large scissors when he had a versatile staff?

A lot, apparently.

As he dodged backwards from another attempt to cut him in half from Queen, he tossed a jab her way. “So is clashing colors the new look, or did I miss the memo?”

Queen huffed at him, “Says the boy in full leather! I would know a fashion disaster when I see one!”

She ran at him again, holding the scissors completely open so she could swipe at him with a blade. Chat blocked it with his staff, before pushing her away as she tried to close the blades on him.

“Excuse you, Queenie!” He retorted. “I’ll have you know that my outfit is purr-fect.”

Clearly, she disagreed, if the groan and slash at him was anything to go by.

What a party pooper.

But what was worse was that he couldn’t get close enough to her to properly disarm her. Nor could he figure out where the akuma was while trying his best to not get cut in half. Chat needed to regroup with Ladybug, but she was nowhere in sight.

Biting his lip, Chat jumped back and up onto a rooftop. Giving Queen Killer a salute, he started away from her.

“Get back here you mangy cat!” Queen simmered on the ground below where he ran off. “You better bring back Ladybug so I can take you both off your high horse!”

///////////

Pollen was not the best at sneaking around. Not for lack of trying, of course, but people were ingrained to see a blur of yellow and the sound of buzzing and think ‘Bee!’ It didn’t help that she was larger than the average bee.

What did help, however, was people being too busy staring at an akuma running full tilt down the street to pay attention to the yellow being that was trying to stay unnoticed behind them. So Pollen got a front row seat to Queen’s akuma speech and display of her powers. When Chat Noir showed up she waited for her chance to talk to him or Ladybug whenever she came around.

And, well, there went Chat running for his life.

Pollen sighed. At least flying along rooftops was less obvious than following an akuma.

After shooting past building after building, she manages to get closer to the black blur that was Chat Noir. He was vaulting along, keeping an eye out as he worked on not plummeting to the ground. When he finally stopped to catch his breath, Pollen nearly sped past him.

As Chat retracts his staff and starts to dial Ladybug, Pollen drops down in front of him. “Oh!” He stumbles back, “Hello? Who are you?”

Pollen smooths out her fluff and offers a paw. “I am Pollen, Kwami and Order and Subjugation, and the one who dwells inside the Bee Miraculous. You must be Chat Noir. A pleasure.”

Chat, mystified, offers a finger. “Nice to meet you. I thought you would be with Master Fu and your miraculous?”

“Ah, well,” Pollen tilted her head. “Did Ladybug not tell you?”

He pinched his lips. “No?”

“Ladybug lost my miraculous in the fight with Style Queen. You weren’t there, though, were you?” Pollen considered him for a moment. “I don’t blame you for that, nor do I blame Ladybug for losing my miraculous. But that isn’t important right now.”

Accepting the hand Chat placed out for her, she settles into his palm. “I need to talk to you and Ladybug, but the akuma is our first priority. What do you know about them?”

“Well,” Chat began, “I believe it is Chloe Bourgeois. But as for the akuma,” He scratched the back of his head with his free hand, “I’m not too sure. My current two guesses are her scissors or her hat, since she normally doesn’t have either on her.”

Pollen nodded thoughtfully, despite having seen the akuma land in Chloe’s sunglasses. There was no way she could tell Chat Noir without him having at least some suspicions as to who she was with at the moment. At the very least, he could narrow it down to who had been around Chloe when she transformed.

Chat pushed on. “Even if we managed to subdue Queen Killer and get the akuma out, we wouldn’t be able to do anything until Ladybug gets here to purify it. The best we can do is wait and try to stop as much damage as possible.”

“Actually,” Pollen butt in, with a slow smile spreading across her face, “I may have a solution to that.” Chat tipped his head to the side. “I can immobilize people with my power. As long as I can hold onto the power they will remain frozen, or until I touch them to let them free.”

He perked up, stars in his eyes. “Like how Plagg can use Cataclysm when he’s himself! That’s perfect, Pollen.”

She nodded eagerly, before stopping. “Wait, did you not know kwamis can use their own power?”

Chat looked confused, but nodded slowly. “I didnt figure that out until he used it to free from an akuma a while ago.”

Pollen buzzed, frustrated, before saying, “The Guardian should have told you that! It’s important for a holder to know about their miraculous and kwami, especially a trouble maker like Plagg.”

“Well,” Chat scuffed his foot on the roof, “I don’t speak to the Guardian that much. Last time we talked was when he came to my house and talked about the Miracle Box and such.”

“That’s ridiculous!” Pollen moved out of Chat’s hand and floated in an irritated circle. “You should be just as informed as Ladybug. It’s not fair to you or her to pile information on one of you and expect the other to just go along with it!”

Chat shrugged. “That’s how it’s been for most of it. Besides, I trust Ladybug with my life.”

“But, when keeping so many secrets, can she trust hers with you?” Pollen replied with a meaningful look in her eyes.

She received no response. Instead of dwelling on the matter, she urged Chat to get back to Queen Killer. They still had a job to do, after all.

/////////

Ladybug arrived on the scene to find Chat nowhere in site and Queen Killer happily snipping at random citizens. Great. Before she can engage with the akuma, she hesitates. Could she really do this without Chat? What if she lost her miraculous because she let her civilian self get hit with the akuma’s power?

Shaking her head, she prepared to head in when a flash of black caught her eye. The familiar form of Chat pole vaulting across the rooftops to her left filled her with a sense of relief. She really, seriously needed to keep it together.

Taking a second, she throws her yo-yo to wrap around a chimney in Chat’s path. Her heart races as she tests the line and jumps. Shit, shit, shit, she’s gonna hit the wall, then Queen will notice her, then-

She made it on the roof with two scraped knees. Not flawless, but still unseen. Chat landed beside her, more than happy to see his Lady. A frown creased his brow as he took in her demeanor.

“Are you alright?” He checks her over for wounds, but comes back with nothing beyond a few scratches. “Did something happen?”

Ladybug goes to dismiss the idea before Tikki’s words ring in her head again ‘Chat will be there to help you too.’ Shaking her head, she gave Chat a grimace. “Queen managed to cut me while I was in my civilian form. Even after I transformed the effects are bothering me. It’s… brought back a lot of my insecurity and confidence issues. But we can do this, I know we can.”

Chat nodded, resting a hand on her shoulder and giving it a gentle squeeze. “Don’t worry, I have a plan. And some back up.”

“Backup?”

A yellow figure lands on Chat’s shoulder. “Hello, Ladybug. It’s nice to see you again.”

Blinking in shock, Ladybug exclaims, “You’re the kwami from the Bee miraculous! Oh god, another thing I messed up, I’m so, so sorry.”

Pollen holds up a paw, stopping her. “It’s not your fault. You were in a tight situation and did the best you could. Besides, I’m with someone who may be a good ally in the future. They just need time.”

Chat and Pollen brought Ladybug up to speed on their ideas, to which she poked and prodded at. They exchanged glances before nodding and Chat and Pollen split. Still standing on the roof, Ladybug calls her Lucky Charm. It dropped from the sky as a red and black spotted crowbar.

Keeping the crowbar in hand, Ladybug drew Queen’s attention with a hit to her scissors. “Hey!” Ladybug called out, “Don’t you know scissors are dangerous?”

Queen Killer growled back, “Of course you would start preaching at me, little miss perfect. I bet everyone in the whole city loves you. Well I’m here to cut your heroic tales short!” She launched forward, bouncing off a car and digging her scissors into the side of the building to propel her up to the rooftop to get on Ladybug’s level.

Ladybug, in a quick move, flipped over her and flung her yo-yo around the scissors to send Queen flying back to the ground. Before she could hit a lamppost, Queen dug the blades into the street to slow herself down, only to run back to Ladybug.

‘Good,’ Ladybug thought to herself, ‘Keep coming.’

In the moments before Queen got back in range, Ladybug took a moment to eye the area around her for clues on how to use the Lucky Charm. Nothing stood out, so she sprung from the rooftop to land before Queen and send her yo-yo swinging at her feet.

Queen, quick to the punch, lowered her scissors to cut the yo-yo string. Ah, what a lovely and easy mistake to make when fighting a person who used scissors with a string based weapon. Panicking, Ladybug brought up the crowbar to stop the scissors from striking her.

Pulling back, Queen raced in again with the blades open, looking to trap Ladybug the same way she had Chat in their fight before. Ladybug readied her crowbar, bringing it up to block again. Queen smirked, shutting the blades in a smooth motion. By luck or skill, Ladybug managed to sidestep the action, getting the crowbar’s hook caught in between the blades. Seeing her chance, Ladybug used the hook to pull the scissors from Queen’s hands.

Spitting a curse, Queen abandoned her scissors to tackle Ladybug.

Chat, meanwhile, called forth his Cataclysm and rushed the scissors, destroying them with a touch. When no akuma appeared, he looked back confused. Queen kept fighting Ladybug, managing to get the upper hand as Ladybug hesitated in kicking her off. As Queen pinned Ladybug’s hand with one of her own and reached for her miraculous Chat sprung towards her.

He wouldn’t make it in time.

But Queen stopped dead in her tracks, eyes wide beneath the wide-brimmed hat. Pollen popped up from behind her, giving Ladybug a little giggle. “Sorry, I meant to do that a little earlier.”

This time with no reservations, Ladybug pushed Queen off of her. Chat bounded over to her to help her up, to which she shook her head and pointed at Queen. “Find the akuma.”

Receiving a nod, she picked herself up to retrieve the cut off part of her yo-yo. Chat, in this time, took Queen’s hat and ripped it. For good measure, he broke the goggles on them as well. Lo and behold, the akuma haphazardly fluttered out. Before it could escape, Ladybug snapped it up in her yo-yo.

“Bye, bye little butterfly,” Ladybug murmured, letting it fly off into the sky. With a nod to her partner, she threw her crowbar into the air and let forth the rush of ladybugs to fix the damage done.

Pollen, seeing Chloe safely de-akumatized, gave Chat a little nod before rushing off. He made a move to go after her when a bawl reached his ears. Chloe, freshly purified, was trying her best to keep it together. But as Chat knelt to help her to her feet, she jumped him for a hug. 

“I’m sorry,” she cried. “I’m sorry that I was too pathetic to not get akumatized again. My mother was right about me, I’m so, so sorry.”

Chat rubbed her back slowly. “What your mother said was cruel and unfounded. You’re not pathetic at all, Chloe.”

“And it’s definitely not your fault. Even the strongest, most exceptional people can get akumatized,” Ladybug added, “Besides, even heroes have bad days.” Not that she considered Chloe even close to a hero.

Andre chose this moment to come bustling through the doors of the building behind them. “Princess, my darling!”

Seeing that she was in good hands, Chat and Ladybug pound their fists together and part ways.

Ladybug, however, is stopped by Pollen two blocks over. “There you are! Thank goodness. Can you show me where your miraculous is so I can return it to Master Fu?”

“No,” Pollen told her quietly, “But I want to ask you to trust me. I’ve found someone who needs my help. Maybe one day she could be a great hero, maybe not. But this person has gone through a lot of heartbreak and I don’t want to be another person that leaves her behind. I want you to tell Fu that I have decided to stay with them.”

“Wait, but what about secrecy? How will we know they won't spread the word about the miraculous or accidentally lead Hawkmoth to you?” Ladybug fretted, cupping her hands for Pollen to land in.

“I haven’t told her the transformation words, yet.” Pollen stroked her hand reassuringly. “That way if things go south I can still manage to keep my power from being abused. Please, Ladybug, trust me.”

Biting her lip, Ladybug hesitantly nodded. “Please stay safe, Pollen. If you ever need my help don’t hesitate to ask.”

Giving her a bright smile, Pollen floated up to nuzzle Ladybug’s forehead. After giving parting words, they went off in different directions.

Hopefully, Pollen hadn’t just made a huge mistake.

[deepdonutkid]

Nonsense

A/N:

This took me way too long! I’m sorry, I was stuck on the Polly part for a while after Helen’s death.

Even though there is a part in the middle, which I’m not really satisfied with, I’m still glad, I finished that chapter. I hope you like it. It’s a little sad for a story, that will later focus on... other stuff.

Tbh... I forgot, if Martha died from a disease or something else. That’s why this part is a little vague. But he will talk more about his dead wife much later in the story.

English is not my first language and this is not beta-read, just a small part of it! Thanks to @retromafia​ for helping me out on this chapter! You’re so lovely!

John as mental health issues, but it’s very different to those of his brothers!

tagging: @bonniesgoldengirl​ @theshelbyclan​ @justalonelyslytherin​

Masterlist Do you wanna touch

____________________

All fucking week he had thought about this date and her. John was distracted at work, at home and at the Garrison. His head was somewhere else, preferably with her, the beautiful Russian girl he had met a couple of days ago. He tried to keep this to himself even though he worried others would start to notice his weird behavior. Well, it was pretty hard to shut up about it, when he sat drunk next to his friends in the pub, but John wasn’t really ready to talk about this. It still felt so surreal like this encounter had never happened and it was all in his head. In addition to that, others- mainly his family- would gladly ruin this for him, before it had even begun, which was why he was so reluctant to talk about it.

They would ask him all sorts of stupid questions, which he couldn’t answer at all. He frowned and closed the book. Later he would meet the mysterious woman again and this was his only chance, since he didn’t know her full name or her address or another way to contact her. So he had to go there or he would go crazy thinking about what might have been. But there was a problem with that.

Of course there was a problem as nothing in his life could be easy. Not even once. However he refused to call his kids a problem. His dad called him like this more than once. And if John wasn’t a problem, his name was either accident or brat. Needless to say John was way nicer to his children than his father was to him. John loved all four of them. He really did, but… somebody had to look after them, while he wasn’t at home. So he had to ask either Polly or Ada and he didn’t know what would be worse.

His sister would spread the word of him having a girlfriend faster around than a disease. Maybe she would even spice up the story a little and add some drama just for the fun of it. Then he wasn’t out for a date, but to meet the woman he had impregnated or what else. And Polly, well she was the main reason he was scared to even mention his rendezvous. His aunt had the great talent to investigate his private life like fucking copper. Once she had sniffed something, she wouldn’t let go of it and kept bothering him.

Anyways he had to talk to one of them and the chat wouldn’t be a nice one. A choice between the foul and the evil. Ugh, he was in the mood to flip a coin. There were some on his desk. So why not? He looked around, if anybody was watching him, but he was alone in his office. Then he took a coin from the daily bets and tossed it. Once it was up in the air, he had made up his mind. The coin just proofed it. He should go to Polly and it would fit in his schedule as now was his lunch break and he would eat with the others anyway. If he would go now, he could still catch her alone in the kitchen. A grunt left his lips while he stood up from his chair. His pace was steady, but fast as he made his way through the betting shop. Luckily nobody noticed that he left his table a little too early.

He had never opened or closed a door as quietly as in this exact moment. “Polly?”, he had asked in a careful tone into the empty room. John heard movements from the kitchen. Suddenly her head peaked around the corner. “Yes, John?” She had emphasized every syllable as if he was stupid. Maybe he was just not ready to have this talk. On the other hand he had no chance. This was a now or never situation and he preferred now over never.

John gathered all his courage to approach her: “Would you do me a little favor?” All the sudden his hands were sweaty and no matter how many times he had rubbed them on his pants, it wouldn’t get any less smeary. Usually he wasn’t so nice and polite to his relatives. It was more like he had earned the title arrogant brat rightfully. He scratched his neck and gave her his best puppy eyes. And just to top it off his angelic smile, which had saved him many times before. Most of the times, he could avoid the consequences of his own actions with his charming smirk.

But today it didn’t help. Polly just shook her head. “What is it this time?”

“Just a little thing”, he began, then paused to take a deep breath and gain courage to exclaim his wish: “Can you watch the kids this evening? It’s really important.”

His aunt froze mid movement and starred at him. After a while she started blinking. Her glare was concerning. “Why this time? The last time was just a week ago. Another task from Tommy? He didn’t talked to me about this.”

John pressed his teeth again and shook his head. He looked at the roof and searched for the right words to explain his situation. Why was this so difficult? It was just a date. Yet it felt like so much more.

The Shelby sighed, while his hand was fumbling with his lighter in the pocket of his pants. “I’m meeting someone” was his short answer to a complex problem.

“Did Tommy ask you to?”, she asked once again. No matter if it was business or his private life, Polly liked to be up to date.

Again he shook his head. “No, not Tommy, but it’s still important. So would you please help me?”

Polly clucked her tongue and hurried back to the kitchen. John followed her and leaned against the door frame, waiting for his answer.

“Well, I got a meeting too, so you better change the appointment with said woman, because I don’t want to change my plans for you”, she replied, while stirring a pot. Afterwards she tapped the wooden spoon against the pot and turned around. “Lunch is ready. Better get your brothers, so we can eat.”

Apparently the conversation was over, because it really started, but John wouldn’t give up right away. “But I can’t”, he protested: “That’s the only night she is available and I don’t know how to reach her.”

Without looking at him, she walked right back into the living room and started putting dished on the table. “Ahh, see? I was right about the woman part… But why do you want to meet somebody you barely know?” Her question was reasonable.

John was so lost in his thought about her and yet he had no answer. No good ones. So he just said the next best thing: “I won a bet and I want to see her.”

Right when he said that his brother came in. Arthur widened his eyes and scratched his chin. “Want to see who?”, he asked. It was horrible how nosy his family was.

There was no peaceful day at the Shelby household. Never ever.

“He has a new girl, but he doesn’t know anything about her”, Polly retorted, before John even had the chance to answer himself.

Arthur chuckled and added: “Oh, Our John was never a man for talking. Right, John boy?”

They had to be fucking kidding him. It felt like he was sixteen again and started to meeting Martha. This was so embarrassing. John nodded slowly and gave his brother a false laugh.

“Well, we had other things to do”, John objected and it wasn’t quite the truth, but close enough. There was just no explanation why he was drawn to this woman, who was a stranger to him, but oh, those kisses really worked some crazy magic on him.

His brother burst out in laughter and slapped his hand on John’s back. “Oh, I know! I fucking know what you mean”, he exclaimed: “Why talk, when you can have fun with a woman?”

And right now, John couldn’t agree less. He wanted to talk with the mysterious woman, but she rushed off into the night before he could even say goodbye to her. Damn, he wished he knew more about her, maybe then he wouldn’t be so nervous right now. The Shelby didn’t feel like his usual cheeky, charming self, more like fucking train wreck.

His face got gleaming red, but he tried to act like was completely cool with it. And it wasn’t like he didn’t want to sleep with her. Gosh, what wouldn’t he give to spend the night with her?

“Pol, you see John’s face. He is red like a crayfish”, Arthur joked and pulled his little brother into a headlock.

Their aunt walked around them, very carefully as she was carrying the big steam pot. She sounded like she was mentally everywhere else, when she murmured: “Yes, Arthur, I see it- shameful red- but now it’s time for lunch, so release your brother and come sit.” Somehow Polly managed to phrase it exactly like their mom used to say it, even though she was only three years older than Arthur, but he’d still respect her.

So he did what she asked him to do and let John go again to take a seat at the table.

It was the perfect timing to beg Polly once again, because he didn’t want to have the same conversation with his sister. “Polly, Please”, he insisted: “I wouldn’t ask you, if it wasn’t really important to me.”

“What is so important about one woman, that you have the great urge to meet her?”

That was the question he was asking himself all week, but okay. Now he needed to come up with an answer or otherwise he would have to get comfortable with the thought he would never see her again.

He licked his lips as he assembled the words in his brain to a convincing answer. “She has…”, he began, but then he got lost again.

“Huge cans?”, Arthur purposed with a big smile on his face.

But John shook his head: “Not that, her tits are average, there is something else about her and I can’t say what yet, that’s why I need to find out…. Or I go crazy.”

He turned to Polly and put on his puppy eyes again. “Do you want me to go crazy, Polly?”

Pol pouted and sighed. “Fine, you get your will again, but that’s the last time and don’t ever bother me with this again.”

His eyes shined bright in the lights of success and more importantly… winning an argument with his aunt. “Thank you and I’ll never bother you again.”

The matriarch went her way around her reign and said to herself: “We’ll see about that.”

Now this problem found its solution, the next question popped up in his head. Where were his kids? Because he was so caught up with his date, he had forgotten to pick them up from school. It wasn’t a serious issue. Three of them could walk home on their own, but the youngest was a different thing.

In his memory of this day, he had left Katie here, but she wasn’t running around like usually. “Pol, where are the kids?”

“The kids?”, she observed: “Oh, the kids you want to get rid of? You mean… those kids? They are upstairs.”

John grunted. That was far from reality and his aunt should know that. “That’s bullshit. I don’t want to get rid of them.”

“Then act like you care for them once instead of fucking around and I might believe you”, Polly chided and gave him the mean side eye, while she filled the plates with stew.

And she acted like a real bitch lately, John wanted to add, but bid his lip to stop himself from saying something he would regret deeply. It was so annoying how she tried to make him feel guilty for having a night off. He was so sick of this. Either he was working or he was with his kids and he had little or no time for himself. Just the few hours when they were asleep and he could go to the Garrison for a beer or two.

“It’s just one date!”, he yelled, but then clenched his fists and swallowed his anger and repeated quietly: “It’s just one date.”

The room was quiet now. Nobody said or did anything for a while.

Then Polly started moving again and explained: “You should focus on getting a wife and not play around with some floosy girl… but you’re an adult now, John, so do whatever you want… just don’t drag me into your mess.”

John nodded and went upstairs to get his kids. Yes, he was still bitter about the things Polly said to him, but he wouldn’t let this ruin his day. After all he had plans. Maybe he gripped the banister a little too tight, well, at least he didn’t bellowed at his children, when he found them making a mess in his old room.

All four were sitting here and around them were all the toys they had. Most of them were his old toys or some from his brothers.

“Lunch is ready”, he grunted and waited for them to get up, so they would follow him. They just stared at him with wide eyes.

His oldest daughter was the first to talk: “We heard you yell at Aunt Polly…”

He didn’t answer instead he just moaned and leaned against the wall.

“You’re away tonight”, she added and tilted her head. There was curiosity in her eyes. It didn’t bother him, but something else did. She had the same eyes as her mother. Like a dagger it pierced his heart, whenever she gave him this look. Martha used to do this as well.

Slowly he nodded. He couldn’t lie to his kids at all. “Yes, but you’ll be staying here and Polly will bring you home, when it’s bed time.”

Breanna thought about this for a second and then like this whole conversation had never happened, she stood up and helped her little sister to get on her feet as well. “Well, it’s time for lunch now”, she declared and look at her twin brother: “C’mon, James, we still got homework to do.”

Now that she was standing, John could see how small she was actually. Sometimes he forgot, she was still a child, but the way she acted was different. His oldest daughter had picked up a lot from Polly and her mother, while he was in France. However he tried to not treat her like an adult. She wasn’t and her childhood shouldn’t be ripped from her. Breanna didn’t need to protect her siblings from anything and yet she still thought it was her job.

James on the other hand was quite the opposite. Loud, angry, such a brat, he picked up fight, whenever he could, much like his father at that age.

Luckily his older brother Colin was also a voice of reason and not as chaotic as James. Colin was the oldest and he didn’t actually talk much, but on somedays and with certain persons he wouldn’t shut up. Most of the time Colin did good in school, read a lot, unlike his uncle Finn who was just five years older than him. And more importantly… Colin did everything his father asked him to.

And then here was Katie, the youngest. Just three years old and a sweet girl, but she was of fragile condition. She was born prematurely and was also the reason why Martha died. John tried to ignore the fact, because even though she was the reason, it wasn’t her fault. How could she? She didn’t pick her time to be born. However from time to time, Katie managed to make him cry. After the war, he rarely shed tears, but every time she was sick and he had to go with her to the hospital, he lost his nerves. She was still his little baby and the thought of losing her too wrecked him.

They were all on their way downstairs and John followed them back. He held Katie’s hands while walking down the stairs.

The lunch was very silent. There was still tension left in the room, but John didn’t cared. Katie was sitting on his lap and they both ate from the same plate, like they always did. But it wasn’t a cute ritual, more like a space problem, with all the family members around the table, it was a little cramped. Too cramped for Katie to have her own stool. Another reason, why he needed a wife. So he and his family could eat in his kitchen and they would all have enough space again.

A part of John was worried Polly or Arthur mentioned his date to Tommy, who would gladly take the opportunity to ruin his day. His older brother would pick all the question, John had been asking all week and then make him look stupid in front of the whole family. But apparently Polly was too pissed about the fight to say anything that day and John thanked god for this.

Somehow Katie spilled the stew all over his pants, but he had no time to go back home and change his pants. He still needed to finish the books and after that, he could get dressed for his date.

So John sat in his office in a damp suit and tried to fix what he did wrong before lunch.

Maybe the luck was on his side today after all, because he managed to get everything done early. Somethings didn’t went as smooth as he had wished for, but at least it worked out so well, that he could go to the date and it was still a win for him.

As fast as possible without running he walked home and sprinted up the stairs to the master bedroom. Now he could change his cloths and he was indeed very happy about it. The stew had dried on his leg, which made his skin itchy. Basically he ripped his clothes off the second he arrived in his room.

“Fuck.” A curse left his lips, because he got stuck in his pants and almost hit the floor. Last second he got his balance back and then threw his pants in the opposite direction. He could care about this later.

First he had to clean the stains from his body. So he rushed to the kitchen, just in his underwear and rubbed his leg with a wet cloth. This had to be enough. With the time he had left, he couldn’t take a bath.

Back in his room again, he stood in front of the cabinet and picked the first suit he had in his hand. There was no discussion about this. Suits were suits and he had plenty of them, all of them looked good on him and she wouldn’t even mind, would she?

While he button up his shirt, he stopped all the sudden. What if she would mind? Slowly he walked backwards to the cabinet. Should he wear his Sunday suit? Thought and thoughts came rushing in. She seemed like a fine lady, but yet she agreed to meet with him. Maybe she wouldn’t, if it wasn’t for the bet.

He got headache since his argument with Polly and it got worse. Maybe he would go to the spot, where they should meet and she wasn’t there. The possibility, that she tricked him, hadn’t occurred in his mind until now.

Honestly, John felt so stupid, when he realized how weird the coincidence was. What were his chances to be so lucky? To meet a beautiful, wealthy and unmarried woman, who was also funny and charming and mysterious and he could find a ton more of adjectives to describe her? And then win the round and the bet, he had made with her? What were his chances for that? So either he was one of the luckiest men in this world or a goddamn idiot.

Or maybe… his mind tricked him. He was pretty drunk after all and in his twisted mind the details of this scene got lost. Maybe he didn’t win the round, but because he wished so bad for it, he had changed his memory of that said night. Maybe he was so lonely he made up this perfect woman, because he couldn’t bare his poor existence anymore.

And did he think about his stupid suit so much?

Yes, he was nervous, but this was no explanation for this nonsense.

Right now, John was freaking out about a woman he barely knew. It reminded him of a time, where he did the same thing… but with Martha, a girl he had known all his life. Back then and today he was well aware of why he was so nervous around his first wife. He loved her and he was afraid of saying or doing something very stupid.

But he didn’t loved that Russian woman. He couldn’t, not after only one kiss. It was impossible and yet the kiss felt so real. The memory of her lips was burned into his mind and it drove him crazy.

And he didn’t know, why he had this feeling, which wasn’t love and he didn’t even know what it was, and suddenly he had more questions in his head than he ever had in his whole life.

Usually, he didn’t think that much about anything. He wasn’t the guy who put much thought into every little thing that happened around him.

Everything he wanted to do now was to yell. He couldn’t even put his frustration into words anymore.  His head was full of white noise.

Barefooted he stood on the wooden floor of his bedroom, which he used to share with the love of his life. John took a few deep breaths and looked around. Everything was still the same. After the war he had no energy to change something in here, even though it was just fueling his mental health issues. There was still her cabinet with her dresses and her stuff and sometimes when he was particularly lonely, he felt the fabric and imagined her soft body under it. It didn’t smell like Martha anymore, but sometimes he wished.

It felt like suffocating. He couldn’t breathe nor cry, even though tears filled his eyes.

He walked over to his nightstand and looked at the photograph of her. “You don’t get to fucking judge me”, he whispered: “Like you always did. You died and I’m still here and I love you and I always will, but don’t ruin this for me.”

“You put all these questions in my head, so I’ll fuck up and ruin everything”, he argued… with his dead wife like she was there. And he could imagine her so well, standing next to him with her arms crossed in front of her chest and that piercing look in her eyes.

Even before she died, he talked a lot to her and about her and sometimes just to himself, but it just got worse, when he came home from France. He can’t handle the silence in the room nor the void his head. Suddenly he said with a soft voice: “I know, what I promised you back then and when I made that promise, I believed every word of it, but you can’t be the only woman I’ll ever love now. You are dead.”

He wasn’t there when she died and the worst part was… he hadn’t even known until he got home. Polly said, she was about to write a letter, but then she couldn’t, because she didn’t want to bother him, while he was in the trenches. Of course, he had worries, when he didn’t get a letter from his wife in months. John just thought she was mad at him, because she was pregnant again while he was away. And then he came home and his house was empty. No Martha and no kids. So he walked back to Polly’s Place and then she told him. His wife was dead and he was surrounded by his family, but he had never felt so lonely in the world.

To this very day, this memory haunted him in the worst way.

And yet, he refused to crumble right away. Not before it had even started. Life was going on and he refused to just stand there, while the time passed. He would walk, run away from this memory if he had to.

“Let me try it at least”, he bargained: “You don’t know her and neither do I. She could be a beast, a real bitch and maybe, just maybe I don’t want to see her again. And maybe I’ll do, but that’s not your decision. I make my own decisions now, because that’s how things work for the living people, Martha.”

It hurt to say her name, but he had to. The word had so much power over him and he took this power back, by saying it. Then he flipped the photograph over and walked back to the cabinet.

Without a second doubt he picked his finest suit and just like that Martha was gone. She would come back eventually, but right now he had other things to do. Like do his hair and drink a little sip of whiskey for confidence.

With a toothpick in his mouth, he left the house and walked the road. All alone.

[elizabethrobertajones]

Did Bobo really create the Wayward Sisters? If so, why weren't Jack and especially Cas included in that episode? That's my biggest issue with that pilot honestly, I mean, the fact that the show abandoned Claire and Cas' bond after season 10 and gave that storyline to Salmondean. Her bond with Cas is more interesting because of their connection to the Novaks. I also think that Claire and Jack would've made a more engaging dynamic and spin off together, I think they're strong characters & actors

Hi there!

Bobo isn’t the “creator” of Wayward so much as it can even have one, as it was a very organic idea, which even involved a healthy amount of fandom input. The original campaign in season 10 was for Wayward Daughters, and the idea picked up so much steam the altered title for, I guess, a mix of copyright and thematic relevance was the Sisters one. I’d say 10x08 was the real genesis of it as something that could be really solid. Once Kim and Briana were put together the chemistry and star power they could have had together was really meteoric as far as our small SPN world was concerned. Phil Sgriccia directed 9x13 and wrote 10x08 and was more of the parent of Wayward than any specific writer in that sense. Jody and Claire were pretty much common property of the show by that point. Claire was really introduced again in relation to plotlines and questions about Cas and less to do with them really going out of their way to re-launch her. I think they’d have been much cornier about it from the start and while YA protagonist diary writing her way through the end of Wayward Sisters was cute, it’s the sort of cutesy that really has to be earned. If she STARTED that way, like maybe me and 3 friends would be stanning her and everyone else would be revolted :P

(I am a YA fantasy novel author, but I do think everyone should make room in their hearts for this level of cheese)

In any case, Bobo just threw his hat into an already crowded ring with Alex, but obviously loving the characters and having his own personal wayward child to contribute did help elevate him to the prospective showrunner seat, but also all the other writers who’d written these characters except Dabb had left at that point. If Bobo was going to shepherd them through to their new show, he’d be the legacy writer, even though he was a new baby writer in the season Donna was introduced... Attrition aside, he did genuinely write them very well, loved their stories and was great with writing Jody when he could get her, so he would also have been a good choice even if all the others were left still... 

But anyway. Season 10′s subplot for Cas was about Claire and learning some stuff about himself along the way, but she was used very much for his personal development and for Dean as well, being a mini Dean herself in a season where he had lost a lot of his sense of self. It’s a total accident of scheduling but Angel Heart (10x20) being the last episode before 10x22 is a nice touch in that regard. And while Cas tried really hard with Claire and awoke his inner Dad side so that he’d be more prepared for fatherhood next time, it was pretty insurmountable between them to have anything more than a bittersweet relationship where the best he could do was make up with her and see her somewhere safe. The fact of him looking like her actual dead father is horrendous the more you think about it and while she managed to see him for who he was instead of a horrible monster, that’s more than enough trauma to inflict on an already traumatised girl for the sake of helping Cas’s manpain and tidying up the sticky question of Jimmy and Cas’s right to the vessel. 

Angel Heart very specifically ends with TFW mailing Claire to Jody because they know she’s already good with Alex in a genuine way and can handle these sort of issues and has done it before. And also because she can be a guardian who will not constantly remind Claire that her father is dead but something is walking around wearing a perfect reconstruction of his face. Carver era did a few things here and there with bodily autonomy and the problem of angel and demon vessels, but it was also really hit and miss. They’d get random waves of feeling guilty about it but then by necessity go back to stabbing angels in their still-living vessels an episode later. Claire was a way to address at the very least that whatever Cas was being put through was only a punishment on Cas and not on Jimmy as well, which is probably why we got such sappy Heaven scenes. We NEEDED to be shown he was in Heaven and largely okay with what was going on so that the show could justify using Cas at all as a character without breaking the code of ethics they tried to make their own characters adhere to. Aside from that it also gave Cas a side plot for when he wasn’t needed in the main plot, and any emotional connection to anything that wasn’t Sam and Dean.

Anyway 10x20 caused this huge fandom high which was followed by one of the lowest lows of the fandom immediately after, and both centred on female characters (in fact, now we know, 2 lesbians even! Though I’d wonder if, The Gay Agenda aside, Bobo spite-wrote that specifically because of the roots of Wayward) and I think that galvanised the whole movement of fans and hopefully some self-reflection in the show. They DID start making an effort in season 11, which shows some of the early signs of better inclusion but also backtracking or edging nervously away from the more intense Carver era stuff. Not just because Dean didn’t have the Mark any more but in general it was like someone had opened a window and let in some fresh air... Even before Carver bailed somewhere around the midseason to go do a different show and Dabb started to step up. 

All this to say that the Wayward stuff was always about the female characters and making up for the past sins of the show. It’s even a riff on the “wayward son” line which obviously centres around male protagonists and their journey. Claire stumbled into being a part of it in the lucky way of being in the right place and time, but the journey had already started even in the season 10 momentum with earlier work and it was that which suddenly made the prospect that Jody had two young women living with her now seem like a starter for the next generation of the show as it was a mirrored format to season 1 in a way, if you took Alex and Claire as the new Sam and Dean. It was exciting but people flipped out after Angel Heart because stuff had been bubbling since season 9 and earlier in season 10, so this was just pouring more candy into an already visibly full bowl of potential tasty gems. It made a possibility seem real that hadn’t before because we already had Kim bitterly complaining that the CW refused to hear the case for a Jody spin off because she was too old. The next best thing was a Jody spin off where she was the Gandalf to some CW age appropriate characters.

(the CW is and always has been garbage)

Anyway in season 13 Jack was introduced as a Claire 2.0 but as a male character with staying power for that reason, but he was filling the space she left for Cas. He couldn’t be a father to her and neither really wanted that set up anyway. But thematically it had created the possibility of Dadstiel and the space he had in his heart for that. Since the show was in its waning years they would be looking for endgame and handing Cas an easy win with a son he could unconditionally love who would love him back unconditionally absolutely filled that gap. It was a non SamnDean thing that Cas could have for himself outside of whatever happened with them. Not sure the memo came back that he was supposed to have mORE than that but oh well it’s not real if you don’t watch it :))) But yeah Jack was always going to be linked to Cas’s endgame, he wasn’t a free-floating character such as Jody who could go where she wanted and do as she pleased. He was main story relevant from start to finish and tied inexorably to another main character’s fate. Because the show wouldn’t do that with its female characters they could be bundled into spin offs but in practical terms Jack was both never what the Wayward as envisioned by fans or writers was about, nor would he have been free to go. 

Since it would have been about centering the stories of people overlooked by the main story, Claire a case in point that she had her life ruined in season 4 and it was a footnote until season ten, and then metaphorically more the concept of having queer and non-white characters in the mix of main characters, it would have represented a future of the story where the main show was unable to tread. Probably because of the CW. Also inherent biases in the writers. Bad cocktail. Jack is both too white and too male to fit the brief to ever leave SPN, and not only that but he is so as a precise mirror to the main white male characters, being passably any one of their sons if you squint, and meant to be instantly instinctively read as such... he was one of the safest bets of representing the show as the network wanted to imagine its target demographic.

So I really don’t think that Jack has any place being in a spin off of the show unless you want more of the same. They tried to give us something different and the CW didn’t like it because it wasn’t more of the same. Ironically a Jack spin off, with or without Claire, would have more chance of being greenlit and more chance of success. But the spin off they put their heart behind was Wayward Sisters as it was. And I think it was absolutely correct that never mind leaving Jack out of it after his work was done in the lead up episode to help set the table, but honestly they could have cut all the middle scenes of Sam and Dean wandering in the woods and gained precious seconds with the girls and still had a functioning story with those guys. It was like some cowardly missive was sent that the show couldn’t actually go more than 10 minutes without showing a flesh and blood Winchester or the whole thing would spontaneously sizzle out of syndication and the money tree would wither on the spot. And in the mean time, we could have been having Banter with the girls. Or Claire and Kaia holding hands some more. The good stuff :P 

[first-and-last-neocount]

*cracks knuckles*

Alright. 

You can all thank @theobscurepotato for bringing this to my attention, they sent me a screenshot of this description and even the furious keysmashing I sent them in reply did not assuage my burning wrath, so now I’m making a Thing of it and doing a proper dissection. 

What the shit is this. 

The rest of my vitriol will be under the cut, so I don’t completely nuke everyone’s dash with six miles of Coldfire ranting. 

Every line. Every line of this is wrong. I’m going through this in order, because otherwise I wouldn’t even know where to begin. 

“A priest tasked with helping other humans tap into the planet’s stores of magic.” Even if you’re trying to categorize this with other fantasy books and make it sound more familiar to non-fans, the fae is explicitly not magic. The text directly addresses the fact that magic is controllable and predictable, and that the colonists wouldn’t be nearly so fucked if they could actually control the fae, which is a natural force that reacts to the subconscious instead of conscious influence. If you’re looking for a traditional magic system and not hostile alien weirdness, the Coldfire Trilogy is NOT the series for you, this is giving people the wrong impression right off the bat. 

“He’s soon sidetracked, however, when his lover falls victim to a brutal attack.” This is slightly less glaring of a fallacy, but I would argue that Damien’s not getting sidetracked at all, because the text heavily implies that demon-hunting comes before teaching in the priorities of the Knights of the Flame. Their order is first and foremost tasked with eliminating hostile faeborn, and the teaching gig is something of a secondary concern - they haven’t even been doing it in the west, the program that Damien’s running is something of an experiment and the Patriarch treats the whole idea with poorly-hidden disgust. Damien himself makes the point, when he’s talking to the Patriarch about the expedition to the Canopy, that he’s duty-bound to hunt down these demons now that he knows about them - he found out about them sooner and is more personally incensed because someone he cares for was targeted, but it’s very clearly within the proper scope of his service to the Church, and that’s why the Patriarch sanctions the mission and gives him the Fire. It’s not like he drops all his duties and goes rampaging off to take revenge for Ciani. 

“She once could see the magic in the world, but now that her abilities have been taken away from her, she begins to lose her will to live.” This. This is pissing me off the most. I got the impression during my FFN lurker days that Ciani is... not exactly a universally loved character in the fandom... but I don’t think you have to be a huge fan of her personally to recognize that this is just completely wrong. The way this is written makes it sound like she’s some damsel in distress who has to languish on her fainting couch while her knight (hah) in shining armor goes off to save her, and that’s just - that’s not even close. She’s a badass. She’s tough and independent and goddamn fierce, and the fact that she even survives what the Dark Ones did is a testament to that. Even though she’s been viciously assaulted and essentially undergone the psychological equivalent of having a limb violently amputated, she goes on the quest with the rest of them, she refuses to stay in Jaggonath where it’s safe and is out there risking her neck right alongside the others. ‘Lose her will to live’ implies that she’s given up. That’s the furthest thing from the truth. She fights tooth and nail to get back what she’s lost, she even apprentices to the Hunter to try and relearn some of her abilities from scratch, do NOT try to tell me that those are the actions of a woman who’s given up on life. She’s not perfect, and of course she has some moments where she falters - her entire world’s been upended and she’s lost a fundamental part of her existence, it would be horrendously unrealistic for her not to struggle with that, but like hell has she lost her will to do anything. 

At this point I guess I should be glad that they correctly identified that this is the first book of the series and got the spelling of the name right. 

I think theobscurepotato raised the best point, though, that this description is so wildly off-base that anyone who thinks this sounds appealing will probably not even like the actual book. This sounds like some horribly cliche romance novel. Which, don’t get me wrong, those have a place in the world - but that’s not what this series is. This series is part fantasy part sci fi, with a dash of horror thrown in for good measure, and it’s about taking those familiar comforting fantasy tropes and going “Yeah, but what if we looked at it realistically and it turned out to be horrible”. This summary implies that this is the kind of series where the main hero goes off on a heroic quest to save the woman he loves, he succeeds without too much trouble, and they live happily ever after. This is actually the kind of series where a group of people set out on a quest for wildly disparate reasons, most of them suffer horribly along the way, and the main hero gets his ass dumped by his girlfriend so that she can devote her life to science. And that’s not even touching what happens in the later two books, which hoo boy, that’s a whole other can of worms. 

TL:DR; theobscurepotato said this description gave them hives, I feel like it gave me a stroke, and I am seriously questioning the sanity of the person who wrote it. Maybe let people who’ve actually read the book write the description next time, instead of someone who skim-read the Wiki article and went ‘yeah, this is probably close enough’. 

[sir-phineas-lost]

Continued

I’m moving my discussion with @theredhairedmonkey​ so as to not bother other people with constant notes.

Well, you’re the one who wants this exchange so badly. And look at the result, the number of notes you got for this post is in the high-80s now! Is that a new record for you? 

Is that supposed to be an attempt at sass? Dude, it wasn’t even my post. All the notes went to the original OP.

And I don’t “want” this discussion. I just refuse to let cowards who won’t debate in good faith win just because they think they can force the burden of proof onto everyone else.

Anyway, your criticism seems to boil down to “they could have made it better” and “they should have made it more obvious.” That’s just moving the goalpost. The way they did Ezran’s scene (which was remorse, not sadness, of the fact that he enabled Viren to make others do horrible things) was sufficient to get the point across. If you’re really going to argue that you’re too dense to pick up on that, fine. But that’s not really all too convincing of an argument. 

Again, you really don’t seem to understand what “moving the goalpost” means. And remorse doesn’t look like that. We have seen what faces other people in this series makes when they are remorseful.

And it looks nothing like Ezran’s face during Soren’s speech, and it is always accompanied by vocal admission of guilt. That really is what it boils down to. I don’t buy that this was just supposed to be “subtle” because this series has never been subtle about these things before. You making a huge leap from “Ezran looks sad” to “Ezran regrets his choices as king” doesn’t make you smart unless you can actually prove that this interpretation is consistant with the storytelling until this point.

The whole point of storytelling isn’t lights and design, but character arcs. Do Viren’s motivations become corrupted over time? Yes. Does this make him a villain? Absolutely. And that’s not a comment on his moral complexity, any more than Runaan’s status as a villain suggests he’s pure evil. Anti-villains have a place in this story too, to contrast with the motivations of the heroes. 

And in a visual medium, those arcs are communicated through lights and design. And again, you keep harping on Viren’s “corruption” even though I have repeatedly made a case for why that isn’t the point of his arc without ever addressing any of my arguments. Why does Soren make the point about “who his dad really is” if it is supposed to be about him being “corrupted”? If you are so ignorant about the language of visual storytelling that you think this...

...or this...

...is communicating that the person in the middle is an “morally complex” and not pure evil, then that is your problem. Like, the second picture doesn’t even require interpreting the visuals. He is just straight up admitting that he has no problem with throwing his best friend’s kid in jail. You would think that would be hard for him if he is supposed to be morally complex.

And here we see Viren’s motivations are complex too. He still wants to create a bright future for humankind, eschewing conquest until he’s convinced it’s necessary. He willingly risks his life at Lux Auera to reduce potential casualties on his side. And even though his status as the main villain is over, his arc will still continue. 

Yeah, except we have no reason to believe he really didn’t want to conquer Xadia from the beginning. He was raising an army long before he met Aaravos and Aaravos didn’t have to make any kind of argument for why conquest was “necessary”. He literally just went:

...and Viren relented. Again, no analysis of the “lights and design” necessary here. This is clearly portrayed as a man who wants power and conquest looking for any excuse he can find. And I remind you, this is explicitly confirmed by Soren to be Viren’s true character, not a corruption.

I have no doubt that Viren’s arc will continue. And it will continue to make him the only one responsible for everything that goes wrong in the world. Mark my words. When King Ahling is upset because Aanya murdered his son the solution will no doubt be to prove that Viren “killed him” first by turning him into a monster.

...yea, making Ezran’s arc simplistic and having enough time to flesh everything out are *totally* incompatible concerns! Seriously, all your edit of the exchange between Callum and Ezran demonstrates is that you’re angry the story shows rather than tells. That line you made up is campy, anvillicious, and unnecessary, because Ezran’s actions explain everything that line does. Maybe *you* didn’t pick up on that, but that’s a different problem. 

I wouldn’t say that they are incompatible, just that “simplicity” only seems to be concern for you in this specific case because you sure don’t seem to have a problem with Callum telling rather than showing his feelings.

And I really don’t see how the exchange I made up is in any way more campy than Soren’s monologue or Ezran’s pitch for peace to Kasef. Like I said, I just don’t buy that this show suddenly thought they could be “subtle” with Ezran making a complete heel-turn when they have always worn their intentions on their sleeve previously.

And no, this change needed more connective tissue to make Ezran’s choice of “no fighting” to his choice of “burn them all” to make any sense and not just come off as him always putting cute magical creatures over his own people, which is something of a pattern with him I might remind you.

This is part of what makes it difficult for me to see his “actions” as an indicator of anything but a preference for dragons.

Really? Corvus says Ezran is noble and wise? I seem to have missed that part. He doesn’t tell him he did the right thing, only that at the end of it, he’s shown great strength and courage. Ezran didn’t have to have made the right decision to be those things, and this was certainly the encouragement he needed to hear. If you paid attention to the rest of his arc as much as you do to this one line, maybe you would have picked up on that. 

Fair is fair, I kind of extrapolated the “wise” part but “noble” and “graceful” are synonyms (and isn’t it interesting that you did apparently miss that part?).

Ezran’s arc of not running from his problems came to a head at the end of last season when he went back to be king. This could have worked as a continuation of it if they hadn’t insisted on praising his every decision so darn much. Whatever you may think of Corvus little pep-talk it sure as fuck doesn’t express any indicatiion that Ezran just wanted to avoid the problem. And I think what Ezran (and his “arc) needed was something more along the lines of “you may not have thought everything through but you still have all the qualities of a great king”. You know, something to actually encourage him to work on these flaws.

When I look at Ezran’s entire arc, I see a kid who repeatedly claims to have empathy for everyone but abandons it when it is convenient for the people he cares about the most. It will always be “right” to help the dragon who burned his people alive before even checking to see who made it out of the blaze. It will always be “necessary” to fight a bloody battle and kill soldiers who have famillies at home when it is to defend his little dragon friend. And the story will helpfully make that even easier for him by dehumanizing the soldiers for him first. That is the pattern I see when I look at Ezran’s actions as a whole.

By long term consequences to Ezran’s actions, you mean “how people acted and reacted to his choices,” which...doesn’t change whether his choice was a good or bad one. Viren’s defeat was not a reasonably foreseeable outcome of Ezran’s abdication. I should not need to tell you.

Have you been listening to anything I have said? This is exactly why I have a problem with this whole thing and why I keep coming back to framing. Ezran couldn’t predict that this would save everyone so he shouldn’t have made that choice, but this is a story and by having the soldiers he saved come back to save the day again the narrative is telling us that this is something Ezran is responsible for and giving him credit for the victory. Combine that with the constant praise and the lack of any criticism and you have a story that says “Ezran always makes the right choice, even when all logic tells us that it shouldn’t work”.

How people act and react to his choices absolutely changes whether the choice was good or bad, because it is a story. This is how storytelling works. The way the characters react and the consequences of what happens is what tells us, the audience, how we are supposed to feel about it.

This dissonance between what we as real people can tell is bad leadership and what the story rewards as good behavior is literally the core issue I have been talking about since the beginning.