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p-and-p-admin · 6 years ago

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Interview given to The Severus Snape and Hermione Granger Shipping Fan Group. (sharing here Admin approved)

https://www.facebook.com/groups/199718373383293/ Hello CRMediaGal and welcome to Behind the Quill, thank-you for letting us get to know you a little better.

Many of our members will know your Unquestionable Love series.

We’re grateful you can spend some time with us today.

Okay, so let's jump into it!

What’s the story behind your pen name?

CR is an abbreviation for “cracked rendition” and that comes from the excerpt from a poem I’ve loved since I was young. Years ago, to help put myself through art college, I did web design on the side and called my little company Cracked Rendition Designs. When I created my pen name, I combined all of these elements together to make CRMediaGal (for some illogical reason I thought it was a solid name at the time lol) and, to this day, I still think about changing my pen name altogether. I figure it’s too late for that now, though.

Which Harry Potter character do you identify with the most?

Luna Lovegood. I wish I’d had her self-assurance and confidence in who she is at that age but, that aside, I identify with how she’s a bit of a loner, an oddball, and tends to be left out (or does until she finds her Hogwarts friends). I’ve really struggled with being an outsider most of my life, so it’s comforting to see that representation in literature but through a young woman who possesses the self-confidence people like myself often lack.

Do you have a favourite genre to read?

I tend to love period dramas, so a lot of the classic novels are my favourites (i.e. Austen, Henry James, etceteras).

Do you have a favourite “classic” novel?

The Portrait of a Lady is one of my favourite novels. I reread it every couple of years.

At what age did you start writing?

I’ve been writing since I was very little, so probably seven, eight, nine-ish? I used to be much more of an artist/sketcher than a writer, so I’d make up stories and write and sketch and staple them together all day long lol.

How did you get into writing fanfiction?

After watching Deathly Hallows: Part 2 at the cinema in 2011. Severus Snape’s death hit me hard all over again (I hadn’t read the last book in a few years), and I decided that I desperately needed to change that for myself lol. Unquestionable Love is the first fanfic (SSHG) I ever wrote and it’s become an ongoing series, so I’m grateful to have gotten the “spark” to write fanfic from somewhere around that time. I decided in 2011 to try my hand at “fleshing out” my little Snape family that had been mucking about in my head for much longer than that.

What's the best theme you've ever come across in a fic? Is it a theme represented in your own works?

I’m a total sucker for the brooding, self-loathing male who thinks himself unworthy of love and redemption and the sunshine, kick-arse lady, aka Centre of His World, who loves him back to life. #GimmeMorePleaseandThankYou

What fandoms are you involved in other than Harry Potter?

I’ve written fics for Star Wars (ReyBen/Reylo is another one of my favourite ships outside of SSHG), The Hobbit (Thranduil/Tauriel), and Les Miserables (Enjonine).

If you could make one change to canon, what would it be? Do you have a favourite piece of fanon?

Severus Snape’s death (he’s NOT dead! #nope #denial4ever).

My favourite piece of fanon is probably Severus being Draco’s godfather. Regardless of where it originated from, I’m all for it.

Do you listen to music when you write or do you prefer quiet?

I used to need complete solitude and quiet to write, but nowadays I can write with some instrumental music playing in the background. It depends on where my headspace is at.

What are your favourite fanfictions of all time?

I don’t read much fanfic anymore, as it’s hard enough for me to find time for my own writing…but off the top of my head, I’d probably have to go with a “classic” - The Tattered Man (SSHG) by Aurette. It’s gutting and heart-wrenching and doesn’t have a happy ending, but it’s a hauntingly beautiful piece that stays with you.

Are you a plotter or a pantser? How does that affect your writing process?

I’m somewhere in the middle. I tend to plot out certain points I want to hit from chapter to chapter (if it’s a multi-chapter fic and heavy on plot, for instance), but writing is an organic process and I enjoy allowing my muse to surprise me as well.

What is your writing genre of choice?

A good mixture of Angst and Fluff (and nearly always with a HEA!)

Which of your stories are you most proud of? Why?

I’m proud of all my stories for different reasons, mainly technical milestones I was able to achieve with the writing or the emotional attachments I had to them at the time that I wrote them.

If I had to choose one (or two because I gotta cheat here haha!), I’d go with either Unto Their Own (SSHG) because the subject matter was so dark and took me to places mentally that were very tough for me to navigate (the fact that I finished that fic is an achievement for me because it could have very well been abandoned at various points in the story); or Unquestionable Love (SSHG), both the original and the series as a whole, because that story has my heart entirely invested in it. That precious family means everything to me and the story, from beginning to present, is my headcanon for the SSHG pairing. I really can’t see them any other way, though I’ve written other stories where their lives turn out quite differently.

Did it unfold as you imagined it or did you find the unexpected cropped up as you wrote? What did you learn from writing it?

Sticking with Unquestionable Love here, the original story came together mostly as expected, though there were a couple darker turns the fic was supposed to take that I didn’t have the heart--or the stamina, I suppose--to end up developing.

One of my dear OCs/one of the daughters was supposed to die at one point in the story and I realised that doing so would have ultimately changed Severus’s fate, as well as the entire course of the storyline. (There is just no way that UL!Severus would survive the death of one of his children, so I guess I’m no JK Rowling or any other esteemed writer who can just ruthlessly kill off their characters haha!) I’ve learned through writing this series that I can tackle subject matters that are very emotionally tough for me and that’s a good feeling.

I’ve also learned that I have something to say, even if it’s not much heard or well-liked, and that that still makes my storytelling worthy of being out there in the fandomverse; or, at least, I try to remind myself that it’s okay to exist.

How personal is the story to you, and do you think that made it harder or easier to write?

It’s intensely personal in some respects and those aspects are difficult for me to discuss. I’m not sure if I’ll ever be ready to talk about them in depth, but I will say a couple scenes in the latter half of Unquestionable Love were incredibly trying to write due to personal experience. I pushed through those moments, though, and I think that, because of that therapeutic exercise, I’m able to tackle other tough subjects in my stories more easily.

What books or authors have influenced you? How do you think that shows in your writing?

I admire various writers, mainly for the love of the language that’s reflected in their writing styles. Anne Rice immediately comes to mind. If I had an ounce of her talent, I’d write with so much confidence lol. I don’t think writers like her necessarily affect my writing style, but they’re certainly people I aspire to write more like.

Do people in your everyday life know you write fanfiction?

Only more recently. I haven’t really allowed any of them to read my work, as so much of it is deeply personal, but just being upfront with my closest friends and family has been a nice development.

How true for you is the notion of “writing for yourself”?

I think this is something, as a fic writer, that’s essential. However, I’m also of the mindset that fandom is about community, and fanfic writers want to engage with their audiences. We want to feel less alone in these wacky and often times complicated scenarios we put our characters through, and we want people to respond to them...hopefully, with a positive reaction.

That’s what it’s all about--interaction--and it can be rather heartbreaking, as a writer, when you don’t receive engagement because maybe your headcanons or takes on characters aren’t popular or are considered outside of the ‘norm’.

For me, I find it too crippling anymore to continue sharing my stories with the fandoms I love when they’re met with silence or hate. There’s nothing more soul crushing than just being dismissed or disliked or not accepted...and that’s why I’ve chosen to post my stories privately (for now, at least).

How important is it for you to interact with your audience? How do you engage with them? Just at the point of publishing? Through social media?

It’s pretty essential to me to be able to engage with readers. I absolutely love it and I wish it happened more often haha. I used to run polls and interact with readers on my fanfiction.net and AO3 accounts (both now inactive) and through my still active Tumblr account (http://crmediagal.tumblr.com/ ). I now have my own website - www.crmediagal.com - where I can fully control the flames and negativity.

It may be temporary but, so far, it’s working out pretty well. It’s made my readership a lot smaller but, at least, I know the people who are there genuinely want to read more of my work and won’t leave me hate comments. That’s so comforting and encouraging.

What would you most like your readers to take away with them when they've finished your stories?

A powerful message of some kind...remembrance...perhaps, suggest one or two of them to other readers and shippers out there.

That’s the only way our stories survive, really.

What is the best advice you’ve received about writing?

That you need to protect your “voice”, no matter how unpopular it may be, and that there is no one else who writes like you and that you should take pride in that.

I try to remind myself of these important pointers when I’m feeling particularly down about my storytelling abilities.

What do you do when you hit writer’s block?

Watch my favourite films or television shows to help re-spark my creativity. I come back to the writing when it ‘speaks’ to me. I no longer press myself to push out writing because, more often than not, the result is going to get tossed and reworked anyhow.

Has anything in real life trickled down into your writing?

Yes, certain experiences and people I’ve encountered in my life have definitely wound up in some of my stories.

Many of my OCs in different stories are examples of that.

Do you have any stories in the works? Can you give us a teaser?

I’m working on a new SSHG story that’s based off of a fun prompt from a dear, long-time reader.

It will start posting at my website - www.crmediagal.com - in the coming weeks/months, so if anyone would like access to it, you can contact me there.

Here’s a short excerpt:

Cradling his head in his hand, Severus stomped to his front door and opened it a crack, jostling the handle loud enough that it caught three people’s attention, the woman firstly before the others.

“What’s the bloody idea?” he snarled, shouting above them.

Each individual—two wizards and one witch—went mute and turned to stare from the neighbouring sidewalk.

“I’ll have you know that this is a quiet street! And I was sleeping!” When the guests next door to him, who were just towing the property line and about to get themselves knocked out, offered no response, he prodded, grinding his teeth together,

“Are you daft, you fools? Do you not comprehend? HEY!”

The two gentlemen, who appeared to be fresh out of Hogwarts—or maybe they hadn’t gotten that far in their magical studies, judging by the stupidity on their expressions—startled and nodded in unison.

“Yes, sir!”

“Oh, my...” the witch, in turn, murmured, seemingly more to herself than anyone else.

Severus identified her vacant, open-mouthed expression at once: she recognised him. As of yet, he had little recollection as to who she might be and didn’t give a damn. He kicked his door open the rest of the way with his boot, jostling the three near trespassers backward a few more paces, and stalked down his steps and onto his sidewalk.

That was when he finally understood the reason behind all of the commotion: one of the branches to the old oak tree that shielded his stoop, and had been there since the earliest days he could recall of his childhood, had crashed onto the pavement, cracking the sidewalk in half.

A part of his iron fence, too, had crumbled under the weight of the broken branch, and there was an assortment of boxes, some severely banged up, scattered across his property.

“What the...? That’s my tree you idiots hit! And my bleedin’ fence...!”

“I - I’m sorry, sir,” stammered the witch with wildly curly hair and worrisome brown eyes, hastily stepping forward to intervene.

“I’ve been trying to figure out how this happened—”Severus turned his glare on her.

“And who are you?” The seemingly thirty-something woman blushed to her roots, which he couldn’t account for, until she spoke in a faint, insecure whisper,

“Um, Hermione, sir... Hermione Weasley. Oh, gosh, I mean, I - I was Hermione Weasley until...” She cleared her throat and attempted to reintroduce herself, flushing in such a manner that it flaunted dainty-looking freckles that dotted her cheeks and nose. Had she always had those? Severus couldn’t remember.

“Oh, bother! It’s Hermione Granger, Professor. Surely, you...you remember me?”Severus went as rigid as a column.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake...” he blurted aloud before he could stop himself. Hermione blinked, taken aback.

“I’m sorry?”Severus’s shock morphed into a tight-fitting sneer.

“I thought I was done with the lot of you.”

Any words of encouragement to other writers?

Try not to get too discouraged by lack of reviews or not making the recommendations lists. Keep persevering and know that someone out there, even if it’s just one reader, will love what you have to share with the world.

Thanks for spending some time with us today CRMediaGal, we’ve enjoyed getting to know you.

#fanfiction #fanfic #pro snape #snamione #sevmione #snanger #hermione #hermione granger #snape #severus snape #snape community #writing

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thenotsoguiltypleasurepod · 4 years ago

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Reclaiming My Identity and Finding Courage After Abuse by Evan.

rigger warning: the following essay deals with topics such as emotional and sexual abuse, as well as mental health and suicide. please read/listen when you’re in a good headspace - whatever that means to you - , and don’t hesitate to reach out for help.

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My name is Evan. I’m 18 and I’m from Canada. My pronouns are he/him and they/them, and today I want to talk about my story of emotional and sexual abuse. This will be the first time I’ve ever come clean about my abuse, and I’m hoping this helps me in my journey towards healing (and I hope it resonates with at least one of you, too).

Ben and I knew each other for just less than 2 years, In December 2017, when I was 15, a mutual friend introduced us. She thought it was right in thinking we would be compatible and, full disclosure, I hold nothing against her for introducing us. She is still a close friend of mine and I love her very much. What happened over the next two-ish years was not her fault, and neither of us could have predicted the dumpster fire that the relationship became. At this time in my life, I had only been out as a trans for a few months, I was enduring toxicity from my parents after coming out, and I was morbidly depressed, alienated, and susceptible to Ben’s abusive behaviour. After all, when you’re dehydrated and you have no water nearby, even tiny, dirty puddles begin to look tempting.

Ben was my antithesis - outspoken + unapologetic, confident + popular, well-rounded + accomplished, but we were united in our scars and vulnerability. Our whole lives had been spread on the table like cards in a matter of weeks. Before long we were delving into each other's deepest memories and sharing mutual traumas.

We were codependent right from the start. Ben became the oxygen I needed in order to keep my head above water; he made me believe I wasn't alone, I was worth something, I mattered, and I was loved.

This ‘honeymoon phase’ acted as the revival I so desperately needed, but nowadays it pains me to think of how freely we crossed boundaries. Then again, I felt like I didn't have a home because of the toxicity and transphobia I faced in my family’s house. I was a human being torn in two - I was one person for Ben, and another person at home. With Ben I was accepted instead of cast out, so I rode out the anxiety and fear and I trusted him blindly. I abundantly placed faith in him, believing we would always be inseparable. Unfortunately I was imperceptive to the initial warning signs; we shared intimate parts of our lives, yet I never ever actually felt like I knew him or connected with him. He constantly had this air of unpredictability around him, and while this mysterious atmosphere he created initially allured me, overtime it became a source of confusion, doubt, and fear for me. He had this ability to read me like a book and he knew more about me than anyone else ever had, yet he always felt like an enigma. Still, I convinced myself that I was just imagining this, and continued to devote myself to this person, thinking, “This is what good friends do… right?”

Admittedly, I developed romantic feelings for Ben. How could I not? I was young, alone, and I had found someone who supported me through my darkest moments when it seemed like nobody else would. Such feelings were not reciprocated, and that didn’t affect me as much as the aftermath did. To be blunt, he led me on. He said he did not love me back, yet when we were alone he would hold and cuddle me and tell me things that only dedicated partners would say. I felt so safe in his arms, like my short, pudgy, unashamedly trans body was sacred and beautiful and meant to be held, yet I always went home feeling startled and confused. It kept me up at night, as I tossed and turned and argued with rationality, but I continuously ignored my gut. Ben noticed this confusion and naivety, and he took advantage of it by constantly touching me. I really should have paid attention to my intuition whenever he placed his hand on my leg or tried to hug me, which was frequent. I always felt this painful, anxious, even nauseous feeling in my stomach whenever he touched me, but I buried it because I thought I was touch-starved, and I believed that the sick feeling in my body was just young love; butterflies in the stomach. However, those butterflies must have had tiny knives taped to their wings, because it hurt and I knew it. It scared me to have someone demonstrate control over my body whenever we were together in public, but all I wanted and needed was to be loved, so I ignored my instincts. That safe, warm feeling of being held turned to insecurity and uncertainty, even when we were alone, and the boundaries had become blurred and nuanced. Using what words I felt strong enough to use, I tried to tell him ‘no’, but he didn’t listen. I’ve never been the best at speaking, but whenever I tried telling him ‘no’ it was like I had suddenly forgotten most of the English language, because any and all futile attempts at setting healthy boundaries fizzled into the abyss instantaneously. He kept taking, and I saw no other options but to keep giving.

We were in constant contact, regardless of if I was eating, tired, at work, or simply not in the mood to talk - if he called, I was there, or else I felt guilty. We saved each other from self-destruction many times, which sounds poetic, but it wasn’t. It was gruelling, and not something to romanticize. Both of us had become solely responsible for the other person’s happiness; in fact, I was consumed by his happiness, devoting days without eating or sleeping or being able to concentrate in class questioning if he was okay. I became his keeper, always emotionally and physically available for him. I spent months neglecting my own needs in order to tame the hurricane that he was experiencing. I excused this disrespect for my own life as support. Every friendship had hiccups - mine were no different, right? He did save me, this is the least I could offer him in return.

This whirlwind of cotton-candy codependency and unrespected boundaries lasted until, roughly, October 2018 - ten months after meeting him. I was 16 by then; my birthday is in April. October 2018 is what I like to refer to as ‘The Shift’. He went from being all over me to pretending I was a background character. When I needed emotional support, he would ignore me, like our history had vanished from existence and I was a complete stranger to him. He would stay silent until I was finished talking, and then immediately move on and talk about himself, offering no attempts to be a friend to me. He showed all of his other friends affection right in front of me, like I was a dog being teased with a bone, and he was horribly unfair to me. I barely had any other friends to rely on - overtime he had slowly isolated me from my peers, and that’s when I started to realize how different I had become. I didn't know myself anymore, and none of my friends recognized me either. For the sake of this article I actually reached out to my current group of friends - most of whom I knew prior to, and during, my friendship with Ben - and they said they noticed how ‘distant and distrusting’ I was. I appeared lethargic yet hypervigilant. To directly quote one of my closest friends, I seemed like, “a wounded dog who wanted to eat the food a rescuer was offering but did not trust them enough to not hurt them like all the humans did before them.” I was not who I wanted myself to be - my personality had moulded to become everything Ben wanted it to be, and I had no idea how to act or who to be anymore. Just the thought of leaving Ben and living without him petrified me, even though he was causing me so much pain and grief, and I found myself a torn-apart man once more. Ben had squeezed all of the energy out of me and hung me up to dry, and I was stranded, with no choice but to follow him around as he expected me to. Many of my loved ones told me that Ben was abusive and I urgently needed to walk away, but I couldn’t. I was trapped, and so I prayed to the Universe every night that life would ‘go back to the early days’... back to when I felt loved.

But it never happened. It never went back. In fact, it only became worse. Instead of ignoring me whenever I needed help, he said things like, “you’re being overdramatic,” and, “you’re being ridiculous.” If I showed even the slightest inkling of emotion, he told me I was overreacting. I had been cornered, and as a result of bottling up my thoughts and emotions for so long, I eventually reached my breaking point. In January 2019, I attempted to end it all, to erase myself from physical existence. I spent the following few weeks physically and emotionally recovering from my failed attempt, and I hardly told anyone about it because I didn't want to go to the hospital. Ben knew, though. He knew, and he ignored me. Not once did he even ask me if I was okay. He treated me with a deafening silence.

The peak of my sexual abuse came in the months after. It’s hard for me to talk about, but what he did to me, he did to me numerously and in public. It was not rape, keep in mind, but it was still repeated sexual assault. People watched and judged and did nothing, leaving me to regularly have silent anxiety attacks on the bus on my way home from school shortly after it had happened.

Whenever I achieved something, he belittled me, telling me that ‘it was nothing to be proud of’. I used to be involved in community theatre, and whenever I was involved in a show, he never ever came, creating silly excuses for why he didn’t want to be there to support me, yet whenever he had something going on, he would guilt-trip me and beg me to be there to support him until I caved and went against my will. He used to gossip about my faults to his mother, who could be just as harsh as him, and he’d then tell me all of the terrible and bitchy things she said about me, which degraded me immensely. I was never, ever allowed to hold him accountable for anything, and if I did, he would deny, deflect, and pick at me until I gave up. Everything had to revolve around him - he always had to take up the most space, be the loudest person in the room, and make sure I knew that he was superior to me. If he saw me hurt or crying, he would do nothing, and sometimes he even tried to dispute my feelings, telling me that I should not have been feeling a certain way in a situation I was in.

I could go on about everything else that happened to me. More importantly, though, I got out of it. In October 2019, I blocked his number and distanced myself from him, and one month later I properly sent him a message saying that I did not want to be his friend anymore, and that was it. It was excruciating, yet one of the best things I’ve ever done for myself. Truthfully, if I hadn’t left when I did, I don’t think I would be here today.

It is now August 2020. Since leaving him I've reconnected with old friends and I have an amazing group of people who help me work through my trauma, and they've always supported and respected me. I am now a neopagan witch, and my spirituality is a huge source of healing in my life. Additionally, I’ve discovered new interests, which has helped me so much in reshaping my identity from someone who was an empty shell, to being an multifaceted human being with a personality again. I’m still in the process of unravelling my trauma, and I now live with complex post-traumatic stress disorder (C-PTSD), but I feel whole again. The abuse is a big part of my life, and I am actively learning how to not let it define me, since at one point, it did. Community is so, so important, and if I hadn’t received the support from my friends after I left, I would have been a goner, but it’s important to remember that you cannot be defined by who is in your social circle and the people who tell you they love you. You are worthy just by existing, by being the independent human being you are, and you don’t need to prove anything to anyone. If you’re currently in an abusive situation or if you’re recovering from one, please remember that the only person you owe your health, happiness, and overall wellbeing to, is yourself, and you do not exist to please others. Your own happiness is most important. You’re not just valuable, you are priceless, and your power in this world cannot be matched. My heart goes out to you, and please take care of yourself.

You can get into contact with Evan if you’d like to reach out by emailing them at [email protected] please only reach out for positive or constructive reasons.

Artwork by @wavey_abs_art on Instagram.

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themousai · 6 years ago

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Q+A: SPQR

SPQR are an art/rock trio from Liverpool. They released their single ‘Our Mother’s Sons’ in February, and we’re excited to find out what went into creating it!

First off, how would you guys describe your sound to someone who’s never heard it before? Good first question! I have a director's cut answer and a shorter one. Director's cut: I would say that it's a very personal and introspective sound to start. I think at times it can be quite schizophrenic but other times not, partly due to the fact that I try and make the music and the feelings behind them connect, so sometimes I think it takes you to lots of different places over the course of a song, but it’s just following a thought process if that makes sense? To the point: Sometimes loud, kind of heavy stuff; sometimes a quieter reflection of things.

You guys just released your single ‘Our Mother’s Sons’ – a song inspired by talented people who doubt their abilities – something we’re all incredibly guilty of - do you have any advice for people stuck in a headspace of doubting themselves? This is a really tough one for me—I really don’t have much advice because I am Captain Doubt and I have gotten myself into this potentially wrong idea lately that advice doesn’t actually work, and that it could in fact be making the doubt worse. But that’s only how my brain perceives it. So I suppose my advice is to remember that every single person is so vastly different, therefore everyone requires their own unique style of therapy and advice that only you yourself can figure out WHEN YOU ARE READY. With all these ridiculous pressures to achieve achieve achieve nowadays remember that you are you, and it’s ok to let go and give yourself time to sort these things yourself. Just…try and be nice to yourself in a way that works for you. It’s ALL about you with these things and that’s ok! P.S big secret revelation for you: no-one is happy.

What inspires you guys to create what you create? I think everyone needs an outlet and a way to talk and work through things in their life, and I just latched on to music early on and stuck at it! It can be a mentally destructive industry which is why I keep my writing and my music for me FIRST, and the releasing and the business side as a separate entity. I do want to be successful in this ‘career’ but I will always create in some form or other for myself, to help myself and understand myself and put meaning to the things I do!

Do you find that each song has a similar recipe? Or does the process change everytime? It’s a different recipe every time. I was told earlier on in the SPQR timeline about this recipe stuff and I feel like it worked for a while, but you end up putting walls up and halting your creative process, so just go nuts! Do whatever, make whatever—if you made it it’s yours, so fuck it!

What’s one thing that you guys love about your local music scene? I love that it has been so kind to us and also helped us learn valuable ‘band lessons’ at the same time. Even though I don’t feel like SPQR has ever fully been a part of the various scenes in Liverpool it’s still nice to see that kind of thing developing and growing because that’s what it’s all about, the community spirit! A local label called Eggy Records is doing a great thing in Liverpool and all the bands that are part of that prove just how valuable it is to have this creative base from which to fling their ideas and personas from.

And what’s one thing you’d love to see improve? If I was to be an arsehole which I am, I’d say Liverpool sometimes turns into a bubble and bands can feel safe just sitting in the Liverpool bubble forever because it’s very nice to them! But obviously all bands should fly the nest when that time arises.

Lastly, can you convince our readers to come out to your next show in 3 words? It’s somewhat different.

Quick Fire

The one song I wish I wrote is… Fuck...’Shuffle’ by Bombay Bicycle Club. At the moment. It changes.

Three things I can’t live without are… beer a shower nice deodorant

Phones out, or phones away if you’re watching a gig... whatever makes you feel happy inside

Three adjectives that describe my life are… tiring scattered funny

If I held a world record it would be for… Eating lots. I can eat like no-one else. I am insatiable.

My first memory of loving music is… Sledgehammer by Peter Gabriel. That is all.

The song of mine that I am the most proud of is… Hmm.. I’m not sure!

My favourite venue i’ve ever played is… The Windmill, Brixton

The ideal environment for me to create music in is… A quiet day with nothing fucking going on so I can actually think!

If I could have any two bands open for me they would be… Ah! I don’t know! The best scenario for me would be a new band That i’d never seen or heard that totally blew me away. That’s the best.

Answered by Peter Harrison

youtube

Keep up to date with SPQR Spotify | Facebook | Instagram | Youtube | Twitter

Interview by Mandie Hailwood Photograph courtesy of Neelam Khan Vela

#spqr #neelam khan vela #hailtree #the mousai #interviews

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thejustinmarshall · 6 years ago

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I’m Meditating (I’m Just Not Sitting Down)

I tried.

For a while, it seemed like everyone was talking about how meditation changed their lives—friends, acquaintances, podcast interviewees and interviewers, authors, even the baristas at the coffee shops I went to.

Someone told me about the Headspace app, so I downloaded it. It seemed like the most dummy-proof way to start meditating—plug in some headphones, listen to some stuff, sit still for a while, change your life. I figured it only took 10 to 15 minutes a day—how hard would that be?

It ended up being pretty hard, actually. I listened to the first episode while lying in bed, and fell asleep before it was over. Andy, the Headspace guy, has a really soothing voice. Really soothing, like he could put people under at the dentist’s office with no anaesthesia. I’m pretty sure falling asleep wasn’t the point, though I slept really well that night. But I figured I missed something, so I listened to it a second time just in case. It was great. It went really well. I felt relaxed, my head felt clear, and I finished the session. I meditated, without stopping, and I was kind of proud of myself for completing the session (probably an early warning sign that I was not approaching the whole thing the right way).

The next night, I did the second episode. It was great, too. Then, I don’t know what happened. I didn’t make myself listen to the third episode, and then a week went by. I tried again a few weeks later, only to lack the discipline to get through an entire session without my brain flitting off and thinking about something else. Eventually, I deleted the app from my phone, so it wouldn’t shame me every time I saw it. I figured, you know, maybe meditation just wasn’t for me.

But here’s something: I go on these long runs. I don’t love running, but I love to eat food, so I run. And on these runs, which are sometimes an hour, two hours, four hours, or even eight hours, I don’t have headphones in my ears. I don’t talk to anyone besides the occasional “hello” to fellow trail users, I don’t listen to music to make the time pass more quickly, and I don’t listen to podcasts. I just run, in relative silence, and my thoughts go wherever they need to go. I create grand plans that will never be acted upon, think about people I haven’t thought about in years, resolve to eat better and sleep more, dream up book ideas and films, remember dialogue from movies I haven’t seen in a decade or more, hear lyrics from rap songs I’ve been listening to for 20 years, and occasionally, have a thought I think is so good that I pull out my phone (which is in Airplane Mode) and type a few words into the Notes app.

So, am I … basically meditating while running?

Have you ever noticed all the great ideas you have when you’re either:

in the shower

driving somewhere

walking

running

riding a bicycle

getting “bored”?

This is not a coincidence. Leo Widrich looked into this phenomenon in a blog post titled “Why We Have Our Best Ideas in the Shower: The Science of Creativity.” Widrich writes: “If you are in a relaxed state of mind, easy to distract and full of dopamine, your brain is most likely to give you your best, most creative ideas.”

Of course, generating good ideas isn’t usually the goal of meditation, but changing (or at least adjusting) your state of mind usually is. I suck at relaxing: I don’t like baths or hot tubs, I don’t drink, I don’t smoke weed, and as previously mentioned, am terrible at meditating. Like almost everyone nowadays, I have 40-some ways that people can contact me, spend a lot of time looking at glowing screens, receive dozens of emails and texts per day, and am generally bombarded with media messages. So, how do I find stillness? I literally run away from all the noise. For a few minutes, or a few hours. And that, I would argue, is my meditation (even if it’s not in Yogapedia’s definition of “moving meditation.”

If you compare the mental benefits of meditation and walking, you’d find a lot of similarities in the effects they have on your brain. Both meditation and walking:

Improve cognitive function

Increase creativity

Help with mental and physical fatigue

Lower risk of developing depression/help with depression,

Release endorphins (in similar amounts, according to one study)

Increase blood flow to the brain

Of course there are other benefits to meditation that exercise can’t compete with, and vice versa. One is not objectively “better” than the other for someone. So I had to ask myself, what am I looking for? Right now, stillness—something to get me away from the fire hose of data and noise and into my head for a while, and running does that. So I’m putting sitting meditation on the list for Future Me to take another shot at, and for now, I’m going to stick with my personal “moving meditation” practice, because it still provides at least one benefit that meditating does not: an increased amount of justified eating of pizza.

—Brendan

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olivereliott · 6 years ago

Text

I’m Meditating (I’m Just Not Sitting Down)

I tried.

So, am I … basically meditating while running?

Have you ever noticed all the great ideas you have when you’re either:

in the shower

driving somewhere

walking

running

riding a bicycle

getting “bored”?

If you compare the mental benefits of meditation and walking, you’d find a lot of similarities in the effects they have on your brain. Both meditation and walking:

Improve cognitive function

Increase creativity

Help with mental and physical fatigue

Lower risk of developing depression/help with depression,

Release endorphins (in similar amounts, according to one study)

Increase blood flow to the brain

—Brendan

The post I’m Meditating (I’m Just Not Sitting Down) appeared first on semi-rad.com.

0 notes