#and I purposely didn't take anything home to work with over the weekend

[oikasugayama]

YOU CATCH HIM M@STURBAT!NG pt. 2

MDNI, this is NSFW content for adults!!

pt. 1 Fyodor, Poe, Chuuya | pt. 2 Fukuzawa, Kunikida, Dazai | pt. 3, Ranpo, Akutagawa, Ango | pt. 4 Sigma, Mori, Tetcho | pt. 5 (finale) Atsushi, Nikolai

Fukuzawa

ok this one you did NOT expect. you've seen dazai get a hard-on at work, you've heard junichiro and naomi (NOT siblings though they grossly pretend to be) talking about their sex plans after work, but YOUR BOSS? THE PRESIDENT??

he's in his office palming his boner through his clothes when you open the door. you come in like always, using your shoulder to hold the door open as you turn and come in backwards so that the tray of tea you're holding doesn't get knocked over by thumping against the door.

you're almost across the room to his desk by the time you realize that there's a VERY DISTINCT tent in his yukata that he can't decide if he should push down with his hand or not--either way it's obvious that he's hard.

his face is flushed, he's shocked, embarrassed, and extremely apologetic.

you're frozen for a moment, but when he says your name and "i'm so sorry" you decide to pretend like you don't see anything. you put the tray down on his desk, pour him a cup of tea, and tell him to page for you if he needs anything.

you close the door behind you and have to take a moment to gather yourself. he's your boss so there's absolutely no way you were about to come onto him, but god he's so kind and handsome and his deep voice is just so fucking hot. you feel like a creep being there while he was trying to have a private moment, but he was at work, he should have known better than to touch himself when you were scheduled to bring his afternoon tea-- wait, did he do it on purpose? should you go back in? no. no he wouldn't have done that. it must have been an accident.

you tell yourself it must have been an accident and go back to work like nothing happened, though it's all you can think about all day.

Kunikida

he desperately needs to relieve stress after an incredibly tiresome and busy week. he just got back to his dorm, looking forward to two days off work. he wastes no time settling onto his couch, cracking open his laptop, and playing a random porn video (it helps him get the job done more efficiently because watching makes him cum faster)

he uses earbuds so he doesn't disturb his neighbors, unfortunately this means that while he's in the midst of it he doesn't hear you unlocking his door (he gave you the key for emergencies because you're responsible--you occasionally drop groceries off to him if you're making a trip out and he needs something, much like is happening right now)

you open the door and there he is, vest and shirt unbuttoned, pants and boxers pulled down just enough to get his cock out. one hand works over his length steadily while the other cups his balls. you gasp and drop the bag of groceries, turning and slamming the door closed behind you.

his eyes were closed, though, so he didn't notice until the slam of the door echoed past the sound of the video he watches. when he sees the bag on the ground he immediately knows what must have happened and he's so fucking embarrassed that he feels sick. he hopes you don't think he did it on purpose; he couldn't have known you would come over right now.

he tries to go to your dorm a few hours later, but you don't answer when he knocks, and you don't respond to his texts all weekend.

on monday in the ADA office he waits until you're the only two in the room, then he quietly approaches you and says he owes you an apology.

"for what?" you ask, playing dumb.

"i suspect that when you came by my dorm to drop something off you may have seen me doing something inappropriate. i sincerely apologize that you had to see that. i had no idea you would be coming over."

you take a few seconds to think of what to say, but eventually settle on "it's not inappropriate to touch yourself, kunikida. you're an adult, you can do what you want in your own home"

he blushes deeply, feeling warm all the way to his toes.

"that may be so, but regardless, i apologize that you had to see it. i hope we can forget about this soon."

"oh, I'll never forget," you say wistfully, turning away in your spinny chair. "it's burned into my eyes. every time i close them, there you are......."

Dazai

he's on the roof of the ADA building, lying in the middle instead of near the edge. he's staring up at the sky, pondering how small he is in such a vast universe.

and then he gets a random surprise boner and thinks, well i might as welllll.......

you were downstairs working when kunikida asked you to find dazai and make him go back to work. dazai tended to listen to you, after all.

you checked all of his usual spots--the couch, under his desk, under atsushi's desk, in the supply closet, in the cafe downstairs, and finally you went to the roof, hoping he wasn't sitting a hair's width from the edge again like he was the last time you found him up there.

when you open the door, you first notice that he's spread out on the ground with his head turned away from you and think maybe he's passed out--then you notice his hips buck up into his hand and his back arch up a little.

the wind carries the sound of his voice over to you, and you swear he just said your name.

"dazai?" you say meekly, and his head whips to the side, eyes wide in surprise as he sees you. he sits up quickly, turning away from you, using his coat to cover his crotch.

"um... kunikida... he wanted me to find you."

"...okay... please don't tell him what I was doing."

"I really, genuinely won't."

"...okay... do you, um... are you, um... did you hear what i, uh.. what i said when you... got here..."

"yeahhh..."

"shit..."

"hm... i didn't know you were into me, honestly," you say, shrugging.

"oh, yeah," dazai says, feeling very vulnerable since you caught him with his literal pants down. "ranpo told, like, everyone. i'm surprised you didn't, um... you didn't know?"

"no, i didn't know... i think you're cute, for what it's worth."

"oh?"

"yeah. you know, maybe we could talk about this another time? i don't feel like this is the most appropriate setting for this conversation."

"agreed... wait, so you're not, like, gonna run to HR or something, or-- i have a chance?"

"yeah, you have a chance. you're a fucking disaster, though..." you turn back to the door, but throw one more sentence over your shoulder. "oh, and dazai, you know we don't have an HR department."

[put-me-through-the-wall]

Okay but imagine Possesive!Konig finding out someone has a crush on you. Like maybe there's guy from work who likes to linger by your desk little too long or alway finds a reason to text you when you're off. You don't think too much of it, you've always been friendly with your coworkers. It can be dull just sitting at your desk for eight hours so a little conversation helped break up the time. You figure he was harmless. Then people in the office start to notice and you realize how frequently he finds a reason to interrupt your day. Your other coworker once made a joke that he was your 'work husband' and that was the line for you. Not only were you uninterested but you also have a 6'7 hunk of a man waiting at home, who you're very content with. Then you start to notice how close he stands to you. The way he uses any excuses to brush against you or pick a piece of lint off your shoulder. So the next time that guy approaches stops by your desk you are only giving short responses. He offers to grab you something when he goes to the cafe and you refuse. He tries to walk you to your car but you insist you have to stay over to finish up some forms. He doesn't catch the hint though. You don't want to be harsh and spoil the work relationship, that last thing you need is more drama in the office environment.

Then one night you're at home on the weekend. You're sitting on the couch with Konig watching some German cooking show he insisted on and your phone lights up with a text from your dreaded admirer. "Hey! A couple of us are getting together tonight for some drinks. Would love for you to join ;)",

Your stomach tightens when you unlock your phone and feel Konig's stare over your shoulder.

"Who is that?" His tone remains flat but you feel his arm tighten around your waist. You pray he doesn't assume there is anything going on behind his back.

"This guy from work who won't stop bugging me. I'm keeping things strictly professional but he's always pushing it". You reply back to the text quickly giving a lame excuse that shouldn't warrant a response. Your phone chimes almost immediately.

"Aw too bad, I was hoping I could get you that cocktail we were talking about. Next time then xx".

You don't text him back after that and flip your phone over on the coffee table. "Sorry, let's finish this episode." You settle back against his strong chest but he sits up and grabs the remote, pausing the show.

"No, I'm tired and it's late. Let's get to bed." He rises and heads to your bedroom.

All you can think of for the rest of the night is how he interpreted the whole interaction. Could he think you flirt with this loser? Surely, he would have more faith in your loyalty. You knew you were taking the easy way out by not being totally honest. The guilt eats at you knowing you lied by omission. You thought keeping your work life and personal life separate would be easier but now you realize it was just a way to avoid the confrontation. After a not so restful night sleep you are you determine today is the day you'll finally let Pat know that you are in a committed relationship and don't appreciate the attention you receive from him. Konig is already up and dressed while you stir your coffee still in your robe. You didn't know much about his work other than it was something to do with the military and it called him away at a moment's notice. He was out of the door with a kiss on your head.

When your breathing finally slowed to a steady pace last night, Konig was able to sneak out from under you and take a peek at your phone. He wasn't worried about his sweet libeling doing anything naughty behind his back. The contents of your phone only confirm that. The real purpose of his search was to find out some more info on your coworker. He looked through the many texts this guy has sent with way too many emojis attached while you give him mostly one word responses. He knew you didn't have a wandering eye. After finding his phone number and social media from your accounts it wasn't hard to get a hold of his address. By the next morning he had a plan in motion. He kissed you goodbye and headed out. You are such a trusting girl, wishing him a good day at work. He plugged in the address and found the place with ease. Actually not too far from your place. He parks a few block away from his destination. Dressed in a dark sweatshirt, he keeps the hood up to hid his identity without looking too suspicious. He reaches the complex, taking a moment to observe the apartment building. He sees the man walk by the patio door while buttoning his dress shirt, innocently getting ready for work. Trying to look his best for you, he's sure. Konig slips on his mask and knocks on the front door. There is a moment of shuffling and the door swings open.

"Can I help you...?" The man voice becomes weak as he stretches his neck up to meet Konig's steely gaze behind the sniper hood. Konig takes out his phone to confirm the identity, holding the screen next to the man's face just to be sure.

"You are Pat?" Konig questions.

"Um, yea?" Pat responds.

Konig squints down at him, tilting his head "You do not know who you are?".

"I mean, yes I'm Pat" His voice now more certain.

"Very good." Without waiting for a response Konig shoves the him back inside of his apartment and slams the door shut with his boot. Pat falls backwards and lands hard on his ass. He shuffles backwards but not fast enough. Konigs snatches him up by the collar of his crisp white shirt, slamming him into the nearest wall, knocking picture frame down in his wake. He catches the scent of his overpowering cologne making his rage boil over. He holds the man in place with a sturdy forearm against his skinny throat. Pat's feet dangle off the floor, kicking helplessly.

"Look man, you've got the wrong guy here! If this about the bet at the bar I've got the money. Let me just-" His cracking voice is cut off by a swift punch to the gut.

"Listen to me" Konig hisses through clenched teeth and pushing on his windpipe. "You will call your boss today. You will quit. Is that understood?".

"Huh?" He squeaks out. Another jab and Pat is scratching at the solid arm retracting his oxygen. Konig removes his hold and Pat crumples to the floor, gasping for air while gripping his abused neck.

"Is that understood?" Konig's voice booms in growing rage.

"Yes!" Pat answer between coughs. Not trusting any man's word Konig watches him make the call letting your boss know he will not be coming in for the indefinite future. Satisfied with the work he's done, Konig drives back to your place whistling along to a familiar tune on the radio.

You head into work, psyching yourself up on the car ride there. Rehearsing the conversation and possible scenarios that could play out. Once clocked in you nervously sit at your desk, bouncing your leg, trying your best to focus on the workload before you. Just waiting for the inevitable moment he appears but, it never comes. The hours skip by and Pat never shows himself. It's not until lunch time you finally leave your desk round the corner to see Pat's desk being packed away. You walked up to your manager clearing out the drawers.

"Hey, where's Pat?" you ask.

"Oh, you didn't hear? He quit." She tosses the last of the trinkets in the cardboard box and closes the flaps.

"Quit? why?" you feign concern but you can't help the wave of relief that washes over you.

"I'm not sure. He called all in huff this morning. Did he say anything to you?" She asks.

"No not at all. I hope he's alright." You watch her take the box in her arms, leaving the empty desk. Maybe this was the universe finally giving you a break.

You get through the rest of your day and head back home. You find your oversized Austrian man strewn across your couch, cleaning out a pint of Ben and Jerry's.

"Hello there, I'm guessing your day went well." You say as you shuck off your jacket and hang up your bag.

"Yes it was very fulfilling. I took care of an issue that has been bothering me. How was your day, mien engel?" He set the empty carton on the coffee table as he polishes off the spoon.

"Very good actually. Remember that guy who was bugging me at work? He quit today." Konig's eyebrow shoot up in surprise.

"That is one less thing to worry about then." He say. He rises from the couch, grabs you by the waist and pulls you tight to him. "I'm glad to have you all to myself."

[vivwritesfics]

warnings: mentions of death

Series Masterlist

"It's the first home race for Oscar Sainz and everybody is rooting for him."

Oscar was proud to be wearing orange as he stood on the circuit, listening his national anthem. The twenty four year old had his parents there, watching him and cheering him on.

He wanted his sister there, too, but she was busy. At nineteen years old, Valentina Sainz was running the Sainz family. Well, not completely, not yet. Carlos was still the head of the family, but Valentina did a lot. He was setting her up to take over the family one day.

So that her parents could watch Oscar, Tina stayed at home to take care of any work that needed doing. Her grandma was there too, helping her out. Women have always run this family, her grandma often said to her. There was one exception, Valentina's mother, but she let that part out.

By the time Tina was sixteen, she was used to having bloody knuckles. She loved the feeling of it, that might have made her a monster, but she didn't care. She loved seeing the imprint of the ring her father gave her on somebody's skin.

Valentina had watched Oscar's races on television whenever she could. When he moved into F2, she watched on the television with her mother, while Carlos travelled with him. The family hated being apart, but it was for Oscar. The Sainz family would do anything for their children.

Oscar was an insane rookie. Valentina had watched on the television as he scored points in almost every race in his first year. It was crazy just how good her brother was. It was a mystery to everybody how he hadn't gotten a seat until now.

Oscar brought along one big sponsor, his family. Of course, they were known as something else, a front of a company to hide the real nature the of Sainz family money.

Oscar scored points all the way through his rookie season. He finished eighth in the drivers championship, which his family understood to be incredibly good for a rookie.

For his last race of the season, Tina wanted to be there. Her grandma took over the role of head of the family for the weekend, with Carlos on speed dial, while they went to watch Oscar in Abu Dhabi.

He did incredibly well in his final race, achieving his first podium. His mother was crying, his father was beaming, and Tina was incredibly proud of her brother. Oscar ran straight into their arms.

Many of the families congratulated Oscar at the few events he had to turn up to. Almost all of them watched racing, watched as he climbed his way to the top. Fernando of the Alonso family told him that he would be a world champion in no time. And he would be. He really would be.

Oscar knew who he was named after. He knew that Oscar Piastri, the man that had saved his mother, the man he was named after, had wanted to race. He wanted to do what Oscar Sainz was now doing.

Oscar visited his grave site. Over the Australian Grand Prix weekend, Oscar and his parents went to visit his grave. There were always fresh flowers, Carlos made sure of that.

"Hey," Oscar said as he sat in front of the headstone. He'd asked his parents for privacy and they'd given it. "It's Oscar, Y/N and Carlos's kid." He'd visited the grave only twice before, when he and his father were in the country for racing purposes.

"I'm sorry I haven't visited you more," he said as he pulled his orange McLaren hat from his head. "I made it to Formula One, by the way. I know that was your dream, too." Actually, Oscar had something written on his helmet, so small that most couldn't read it. It was his mothers idea to have 'For Uncle Osc' printed on the back of his helmet.

"I wish I could have met you," said Oscar as he placed his hat on top of the headstone. "I bet we would have raced together. I think that would have made my mum really happy."

Oscar stood up from the ground. He touched his fingers to the headstone and turned around, walking away from his Uncles headstone, back to his family.

Taglist (CLOSED): @biancathecool @multi-universe21 @formulas-bitch @gills-lounge @weasleyswizarding-wheezes @carlossainzwho @f1lov3r @samaib11 @charli123456789 @queenofmanydreams @ironmaiden1313 @vellicora @glitterf1 @80sloverry @lightdragonrayne @moonayu @bellsalabanccini @hiireadstuff @handsupforamiracle @cmleitora @jenniferrvsesi @barcelonaloverf1life @sbella13 @nicolettecallednikki @darleneslane @thehufflepuffavenger1 @champagneproblems17 @aespie @yukheizcigarettes @rewmuslupin @hollie911 @ashy-kit @ririgy @stqrgir1 @zaynzierulez @minkyungseokie @rafaaoli @carolinesainz @ashies-ln4op81aa22 @measimp @mizelophsun11 @eviethetheatrefreak @andydrysdalerogers @chonkybonky @shobaes @celesteblack08 @watermelonworries @gracielukey @cassie0sstuff @goldenharrysworld @venusesworld @sparklyperfectionstranger @evans-dejong @graciewrote @formulaal

[kriti-ki-dulhania]

Pretty- Robin Buckley x fem! reader

Your parents left you home alone for the weekend. The only person you were allowed to call over was Robin. Your best friend of four years.

If only they knew that she had liked you ever since she first saw you in middle school and that the two of you had been dating for the past three days.

Robin was very nervous to come over to your house. She had managed to confess to you after Steve encouraged and bullied her to do it.

She blurted out how pretty and smart she thought you were and how long she had liked you.

Her backup plan was either saying it was a dare or that she was confessing for Steve, depending how mad you got. Yeah, she didn't believe those explanations either.

She kissed you gently after you started giggling at her story. But that was all that happened since you got together three days ago.

That's why she watches you nervously as you opened the door. You weren't wearing PJs because it was only 6 and Robin wasn't staying over. But you did slightly dress up for her and she thought you looked beautiful.

She followed you in, appreciating the way your hips moved as you walked towards the kitchen.

She was about to look away but then she remembered she didn't need to do that anymore.. right?

"Of course you can look at her she's your girlfriend" she could hear Steve say in her head. "Ughhh why are you thinking of Steve right now. Focus on your very hot girlfriend."

"Girlfriend" she thought smiling to herself.

You waved your hand in front of her face trying to break her out of her trance. "Rob, did you bring the movie?"

"Ohh yeah" She said pulling out CD of The shining. "A horror movie? Did Steve tell you that I would cling to you when I got scared." You ask teasingly.

She is about to defend herself before you interrupt her. "You know that you don't need an excuse to touch me now that we are dating right?" You say coming closer to her.

She feels flustered, but instead of doing anything you just take the CD from her. You head towards the TV and bend down to put in the movie into CD player.

"Are you doing this on purpose?" She wonders. If you are she doesn't really mind it.

The both of you sit down on the couch. You sit much closer to her than you did when you were "just friends", with your leg touching hers.

As the opening credits start she puts her hand on your thigh and then decides it was dumb pulling it away panicking. "Sorry, Steve told me that most girls liked that. I don't know why I listened to him-"

"Robin, I do like it" You say grabbing her hand. "Should I be worried about how much you're thinking of Steve during our date?"

"No, I'm only into girls." She thinks. Instead of that she says "No, I'm only into you."

You laugh slightly and look down. You place her hand back on your thigh before putting your head on her shoulder and she finally gains the confidence to put her other arm around your waist and pull you even closer.

Before leaving 2 hours later, she promises you that she would stay over tomorrow because she didn't have to walk up early for work the next day.

She kisses you on the cheek as she says goodnight and has a love struck look on her face that Steve teases her about as he drives her home.

..............................................................................................................................

Part 2?

[lolia21]

Well I feel down a Sanders Sides rabbit hole and now I have one fan fic idea that keeps playing in my head:

Remus and Roman are twins but they don't attend the same school because Remus was... himself and his parents were kindly asked to transfer him to a school that "fits his personality better". So he goes to a school a whole district over. He gets along with Roman and he loves him but they are very different people so they don't hang out a lot. Remus also can't stand the blatant favoritism they're parent give Roman. He thinks it's sweet that Roman tries to tap it down but it doesn't change anything.

Sp Remus spends most of his free time at his friend Janus house with his other friend Virgil. Janus also shouldn't be attending their school cause he's loaded but he hated the prep school he was sent to and transferred behind his parents back. Money can get you literally anything. Expect real friends which is why Janus loves Remus and Virg so much. Virgil is actually living at a near by boys home. As a kid his home situation wasn't great and he doesn't talk about it a lot. He ended up at Sanders House four years ago though and it's not too bad.

So anyway Roman has never meet Remus' friends and Remus has never met Roman's friend Patton and Logan. Whenever they come over is always at Janus' house. He knows they exist just like Roman knows Virgil and Janus do but they've not met in person over the last two years.

So it all starts pm a long weekend because Halloween is Friday. ( fun fact my school in gerogia gave us Halloween and Valentines off and used it as teacher workshop days.)

So of course the dark side trio is hype, roaming the mall, scaring people, judging costumes, and trying to find accessories to improve their own.

The light side trio is also their because Patton waited too late to get a "decent" (Roman's words) costume, and Logan was hoping to avoid getting one at all.

The crowds get so bad that everyone is separated. Luckily both sides actually have designated met spots, tho for very different reasons. The darks sides met spot is the horror section at Barnes and Nobles. It's large enough that Virgil won't feel claustrophobic and he can read some Poe while he waits and not have people constantly asking if he needs assistance. It was a place chosen, so he doesn't have a panic attack while he waits for his friends since he's the only one without a phone.

On the other had the light side trio chose the lgbtq+ teen romance section as their meet spot. Mainly Because it'll distract Roman enough that he won't get bored of waiting and wonder out to find his friends before they get there. Defeating the purpose of the spot all together.

You can see where this is going.

Patton has been trying to get on the elevator for the last five minuets but everyone time he tries to get on the same time as someone else he let's them all go first and theres no room for him. This goes on until a nice but kinda rude stranger just days "oh my gawd" and pulls him in as he in goes in. The stranger honestly looks way to well dressed to be here and doesn't even introduce himself. He just starts playing on his phone and Patton doesn't know whether saying thank you would be annoying or not. Janus on the other hand is texting Remus about how just met someone who reminds him a little of freshman Virgil and how he hopes he's not freaking out.

Logan has decided to take the stairwell because he knows that people arr less likely to use it over the escalators or elevators. He looks a floor above him and someone who kinda sorta looks like Roman sliding down the railing on his ass and laughing the whole time. He barely has time to dodge as someone yells " dodge nerd" and flies past him. Honestly Logans so surprised by whatever the hell that was that it take him two whole ass minutes to start walking again. Remus is just having a blast. He didn't think this would work and he saw a pretty cute nerd on the way down.

Roman is having a complicated time. He lgbtq teen romance section is usually in the front if the store but it's been switched with the horror section for the month. So here is is not being able to decide whether he should just stay here because the ia the physical spot he normals what's at or go the the actual section with all the books about the boys kissing that he likes to read. Virgil on the other hand is on the virge (ha) of kinda freaking out. He's happy that the sectionnis getting more love, even if it's only for money. But he liked that it was in the back and away from the crowds of people coming in and out. Not to mention theirs someone dude dresses like a prince yelling on the phone to someone named Patton about whether he should "go to the section of love and acceptance or stay in emo hell". Virgil is insulted enough by this to tell him Roman to please stop yelling and go to whatever section isn't here. Roman rolls his eyes calls him knock off Gerard way and ignores him. Virgil completely forgets how nervous he was becuase now his piss3d and they get into an arguments.

It ends when Patton walks in and calls for Roman at the same time that Janus calls in and calls for Virgil. They look to their friend seemingly coming in together and are about to complain to their respective friends when Janus, Virgil and Roman here a familiar voice go

"Brobro what are you doing here. Hey Jan, hey virge," and Remus walks in completely unaware of the fighting that was just happening. Virgil tries to actually get a good like at this guy's face and realizes that without the make up and general zanny disposition he does look a lot like Remus. Before anyone can respond tk that, an another person asks

"OH God Roman what did you do? Who are they?" And of course it's Logan.

So now are dark sides are standing on one side and all the lights on the other. As the two siblings and their two different friend groups collide. Teen hurt, comfort and angst ensues.

[gregorygerwitz]

petals, ink, and oil grease... (part 1 of 3)

this is technically part of my august contribution for @yearoftheotpevent, but I don't know when I'll have the other two moodboards up, so enjoy this one for now!

warnings: homophobia, drug use and addiction, depression, attempted suicide

The first time Gregory Gerwitz ever lived away from home was for a sad attempt at furthering his education. He lasted almost two semesters in seemingly endless business courses before the pressure weighed too heavily on his shoulders and he rethought the decision. After dropping out, he stumbled back a few steps, moved back into his childhood bedroom, allowed his mother to drag him to all of the important parties, pretended to be interested in all of her friends' daughters that were marched in front of him as a suitable partner...

He'd already failed at being the perfect son once, and he didn't want to do it again.

But he couldn't keep lying forever, and the truth really did have to come out eventually. Everyone would find out, eventually, that he failed the classes necessary to follow in his father's footsteps, that he didn't have any real interest in the potential wives shown to him every other weekend, that he didn't want to provide a small army of heirs to carry the legacy he was already fumbling. The Gerwitz family business would go to some executive his father had known for years, and the name that had been passed to him wouldn't be passed to anyone else.

Greg thought it would be easy. He could sit down at the breakfast table, the dishes from their meal of pancakes and eggs already cleared away. He could say the words and they'd discuss what that meant, for him, for the family. Maybe he couldn't tell all of Chicago yet, that would create a scandal that no one needed, but he could tell his parents, he could tell the people who loved him the most in the world.

At least, he thought they loved him.

He'd ended up completely alone, pushed out of the only home he'd ever really known, without his parents and their bank accounts to catch him if he fell. He didn't dare touch his own account, not when he didn't know what kind of reaction it would get, and it felt like a pit opened up.

Somehow, he turned to old habits, found someone who could get him the same kinds of pills he used to get through those two semesters of classes. It started so harmlessly, just a few Adderall or a painkiller only slightly stronger than what he might get over the counter at any corner store. It wasn’t supposed to go beyond that at all. But the old ways of coping stopped working, soon enough, and he turned to stronger things. He worked a minimum wage job for the sole purpose of spending every spare penny he had on the next corner, plying himself with anything that might take some of the ache away - but it went so deep, burrowing in his chest and making a home there, so far in that even the strongest stuff couldn’t reach it.

When he took too much, maybe it wasn't quite as accidental as he made it out to be to the doctors in the emergency room. He didn't even really remember how he got there. One minute, he was taking all of the pills still in the bottle he'd bought with the last of his cash, the next, he was surrounded by beeping monitors and bright lights and faces he didn't recognize. It was jarring, and he didn't know how to react when the woman who found him decided to stay and make sure he made it out of the hospital in one piece, or when she told him to meet her at the same drug den she'd found him in a week later.

After three days locked up in Gaffney's psychiatric wing, and a few days getting just enough pills to take the edge off his withdrawals, he did exactly that.

Greg showed up at the same address, silently followed every order to help clean up and distribute fresh soil. She, the woman who had saved his life, Trudy, as he'd been told to call her, not that he had the voice to call her anything at all, mentioned something about fixing up the property. It was going to change from a drug den to a community garden, a place for people to come and tend to their own plants, for children to play safely, they just had to get rid of all the needles and graffiti first. It took time, almost a month of weekends just to make sure all of the sharp things on the ground weren't a danger to any small feet, but they got it cleaned up, and ready to go, and it took until the last of the gravel was laid out for him to realize he'd been clean for over a week.

Not only that, but he'd been sleeping in an actual bed, getting to shower in an actual bathroom, and eating food at an actual dinner table. It was just a temporary thing, or so he'd been told about once a day since Trudy first let him through the front door, and he was going to be out on his own again once he saved up enough money to rent his own apartment. The house, and helping set up the community garden, was just to keep him on his feet until he could get there.

"You know, you will have to talk to me eventually." ... "You have to at least tell me your name. People have to know what to call you." ... "If you're living in my home, I have to call you something. What about Brandon? That's a nice name." ... "Don't make that face at me. You look like a mouse whose cheese just got stolen." ... "Well, until you tell me your name, I guess I'll just have to call you Mouse."

It occurred to him, after a few months, that he never had to hear the name Gregory Gerwitz IV again. He never had to hear his mother scold him for being late or untidy, and he never had to hear his father complain that his decision to drop out of college was going to ruin the family business. He was free of that, and them, and all of the expectations that had been set on his shoulders and since fallen to the wayside. He could do whatever he wanted to do.

By the time summer came around, Mouse, the name he'd happily taken on even after he was comfortable enough to use his words again, was still living in the spare bedroom and accepting homecooked meals every evening, but he was closer to where he wanted to be. He'd gotten to help with the garden more as the weather got nicer, planting berries and vegetables and flowers so that the entire space could spring to life with color. He loved it more than any stupid fundraiser appearance or business meeting he followed his parents into when he was younger, and he was making enough in tips at his job waiting tables to put quite a bit of money in a savings account, and he'd taken business courses, he knew the basics...

…and the little shops down the street were fairly new, with plenty of open spaces. There was even one with an apartment upstairs, with a back room and windows to let in light. It was the perfect first step toward making sure he could surround himself with the things he loved so much forever.

[fitrahgolden]

Something That Digs At Us: 7 - A book elegantly bound

Even though she had replied in kind– and he believed her– Anthony wondered if it was perhaps a mistake to tell Kate he was falling in love with her.

The following couple of days felt normal, what had become normal for them since their first date. But today, Anthony texted Kate on his way home from work and she hadn't responded. He knocked on her door when he got to their building and was greeted by silence. He couldn't hear anything on the other side of the door, so he didn't knock again. After a few hours, he texted her again, asking her to at least let him know she was OK.

Kit: Sorry I haven't been responding. It was a bit of an overwhelming day. I'll give you a knock soon.

Anthony didn't know what "soon" meant. That night? Within a day? A week? They were meant to go to her mother's house that weekend. Was that still happening?

Dating someone who lived across the hall had, thus far, seemed like a good thing. But Anthony was suddenly hit with the cons. She was home, two walls away, but he couldn't go to her. At least, he shouldn't, not when her message pretty clearly indicated that she would be the one to reach out to him. Anthony felt bad when he realised how he'd come to take their access to each other for granted.

Me: Alright. You know I'm here if you need me, right, Kit? I miss you.

Anthony knew he shouldn't have added that last part. He regretted it as soon as he hit 'send.' He wasn't trying to guilt her. And he knew he was being clingy as fuck.

Kit: Me, too.

What did that mean? If they missed each other, why couldn't he come over? He tried to put it out of his mind–for now. It didn't work, of course, but he tried. He ate some dinner, pressed some flowers into a book Kate made him for that express purpose, and watched a movie. There. Evening done. There was nothing left to do but go to bed. And so, after one last pathetic look at the door, he got to it.

—

Kit: Are you awake?

Me: Hey. I wasn't but I left my notification volume all the way up for you.

Me: Maybe I shouldn't have volunteered that information.

Me: Reset!

Me: Yup, I'm awake.

Kit: What a coincidence.

Me: But seriously, it's almost 3 in the morning. Why are you up, Kit? Have you slept at all?

Kit: Not tonight. It's OK. Happens from time to time.

Me: How often is "time to time"?

Kit: A couple of times a week, maybe?

Me: Kit. How have I not noticed? Why haven't you told me? Wake me up when you can't sleep, baby. Please.

Kit: You're a fucking heavy sleeper. Why would I interrupt that?

Me: What do you do when you can't sleep?

Kit: Read, watch videos, stare at the ceiling. I've recently added "text my boyfriend on the off chance he is awake."

Me: And that’s different from waking me up if I were with you?

Kit: Yes! I didn't know the ping would wake you up.

Kit: That's very sweet, by the way. That you did that.

Me: Can I come over?

Kit: Yes. Use your key. 

—

Anthony disengaged and then re-engaged Kate's locks as quietly as he could. She must have heard him. Of course, she did. Almost immediately, Newton padded down the hall, finding his living room bed, and settling down to fall back to sleep.

Anthony reached Kate's room to find her sitting up, looking up at him from her bed.

"Hi."

Anthony walked to the bed and crawled up to Kate, placing a kiss on her forehead. "Hey. Are you sure it's OK that I'm here? I mean, I very much want to be here, but–"

"Wasn't I the one that texted you in the middle of the night? I wanted you."

"Good. How do you want me? The usual?"

Anthony expected an immediate yes, but Kate seemed to really be thinking about it.

"Oh? Something new?"

"It's just that… there's something else I do when I can't sleep."

"And what's that?"

"Masturbate."

The arm Anthony was leaning on buckled at the elbow, which elicited one of Kate loud laughs.

"Oh. Um, OK. If you want to do that, that's cool. Um… Can I watch?"

"Well, since you're here, I was actually hoping you'd be more of an active participant."

"Ah. I see what this is. I'm a booty call."

Kate giggled and nodded. "Pretty much, I'm afraid."

"I feel so cheap."

"But you're totally game, aren't you?"

"Fuck, yes."

Anthony lunged forward and kissed Kate with so much force that her head hit the headboard.

"Shit! Sorry." Anthony backed up.

But Kate was laughing. "Eager, are we?"

"You're the one that summoned me here for the recreational use of my body."

"I did. Come back here."

Anthony approached with more care. He cupped Kate's face in his hands and brought her lips to his. This time, he was slower, lighter, and broke the kiss relatively quickly to look at her.

"What?"

"I was worried that… I was afraid I scared you off by telling you I loved you."

Kate's face fell. She grabbed Anthony's hands and pulled them into her lap. "Oh, Anthony, no. It truly had nothing to do with you, with us. I just had a lot coming at me from different directions and it was too much and I needed to be alone. Sometimes, my anxiety attacks last hours and–"

"Hours?"

"Yeah. Sometimes meds aren't enough, controlled breathing isn't enough, Newton isn't enough– don't tell him I said that."

"I absolutely am going to tell him you said that."

"Of course you are. Anyway, sometimes I just need to get through it. So, that's what I was doing today."

"OK."

Kate scooted closer and started peppering kisses all over Anthony's face. She paused at his lips. "You said you were falling in love with me."

"Huh?"

"You didn't tell me you loved me. You said you were falling in love. Those are two different things, I think."

"Ah. Hmm."

"So…"

Anthony started rubbing his hands up and down Kate's ribs. "So…"

"Do you love me?"

Anthony's breath hitched. As was so often the case, Kate's poker face was impenetrable.

Fuck it. 

"Yes, I do. I love you, Kit."

And just like that, Kate's unreadable expression morphed into a brilliant smile. "And I love you, Professor Death Blade."

—

"No. No, please. You can't call me that the first time you tell me you love me."

Kate rose to her knees and grabbed Anthony's face. "Too late. It can't be unsaid. It's now part of our story canon. Si will be so happy. Let's save the news for a wedding present."

Anthony gripped her hips and pulled her forward. "OK, let's not talk about Simon right now, hm?"

Their lips crashed together, their mouths immediately opening for each other. They separated to remove their shirts and once Kate's breasts were exposed, Anthony was on them, working them relentlessly, alternating between the two with his mouth and fingers.

"How can I miss you so much after one damn day?" He breathed across her chest. "You do something to me that I can't quantify."

Kate panted out a laugh. "And what is it, do you think, you do to me?"

Anthony's smile was smug as he tugged at Kate's knickers. "Take these off." He got rid of his own pyjama pants while she did as he said.

Once they were naked, he pulled her to him and fell backward onto the mattress, taking Kate with him. "I love you." Kate felt his hands run down her back, over her arse, and across her thighs, gripping her behind her knees so she sat up, straddling him.

"You're trying to redo the moment and I won't let you, Professor Death Blade. Can’t rewrite history."

Anthony's laugh was cut short when Kate started rocking against his cock. He closed his eyes and hissed. "Fuck, I should have grabbed a condom first. I don't want you to move." Kate dropped something on his chest and she smiled as Anthony looked down to find a little packet, in awe, as if it fell out of sky when he uttered the words. Kate laughed from above him.

"Minx. Put it on." Anthony's voice changed and his expression could only be described as dangerous. And Kate wanted to be in trouble.

"Bossy," Kate muttered as she grabbed the condom and shifted to roll it down onto Anthony.

"Sink down slowly." His eyes were black and his voice was gruff.

Kate started her short descent, made all the easier by what Anthony’s demanding shift in demeanour was doing to her. She barely moved an inch before Anthony's bruising grip on her hips stopped her.

"Slowly, Kit," he gritted out, a chastising eyebrow raised.

Kate tried to comply and this time Anthony didn't stop her. She watched his eye roll back into his head and he cursed too quietly for her to really hear.

"Jesus… don't move yet."

After a few moments of feeling Anthony shifting subtlety beneath her, he suddenly lifted her a couple of inches before slamming her back down onto him. Kate's yelp of surprise was followed by the feel of Anthony's tongue requesting entry into her mouth.

In a flurry of movements, Anthony had sat up and pulled her legs along either side of him. Kate must have wrapped her legs around him on instinct. She was apparently free to move now, if Anthony's rhythmic upward thrusts were anything to go by. She matched his pace and was rewarded with Anthony groaning.

"Fuck, yes. Such a good girl."

Once Anthony snaked a hand between them, Kate found her movements becoming erratic in her pursuit of release.

"That's right, Kit. Take what you need. I'm here for you. I'll always be here for you, baby. I promise."

That's what sent her over the edge with a sob, because she believed him.

—

"Well, well, well. This must be the man who had the audacity to take my chellam's innocence."

"Fucking hell, Amma!" Kate looked over to Anthony, who, of course, was ashen, stunned.

"I, ugh… Well, Kate and I…" Anthony ran a hand through his hair.

"I'm sorry, Anthony. My mother is under the impression that she's funny."

Kaveri leaned over, minding Newton, and kissed Kate's temple. "Cheeky."

"You should talk. Amma, this is Anthony. Anthony, this is someone who owes you an apology."

Anthony clearly hadn't recovered yet, blinking several times as Kaveri cradled his face and kissed both his cheeks.

"Don't mind, Apne. I'm incredibly droll, but most people simply can't keep up."

"Please." Kate rolled her eyes.

"Anthony, I'm Kaveri. I apologise. I didn't mean to embarrass you."

"Yes, you absolutely did!"

Kaveri shook her head dismissively in Kate's direction. "Let's ignore her, shall we? Let me give you a tour." Kaveri looped her arm around Anthony's and led him down the hall.

"I'm supervising."

"If you must." Kaveri waved her free hand.

Anthony finally found his voice.

"This is for you, Mrs. Sharma." Anthony held out a piece of canvas, rolled up and tied with twine.

Kaveri stopped to take the proffered gift. "Oh, how sweet." She unfurled the canvas and gasped at the dried flowers sewn into the fabric, the scientific name written beneath each one. She put a hand on Anthony's shoulder as she looked at it, as if she needed to steady herself. "This is beautiful. So much skill and care went into this, I can tell." She looked up at him. "Thank you."

"You're welcome, Mrs. Sharma."

From behind him, Kate could see red creeping up Anthony's neck and ears. She wiped away an errant tear that had escaped down her cheek.

"Oh, and you must call me Kaveri. Really. There are two Mrs. Sharmas in Kate's life."

"Right, of course."

Kate's eyes widened. "Amma, please don't tell me Mum is here, too."

"What a rude thing to say! Your mother and I raised you better than that!"

Kate squeezed her eyes shut at the voice coming from the kitchen.

"Amma, it was just supposed to be you." Kate said as she passed Kaveri and Anthony to head into the kitchen.

"Sorry, Mum." She leaned over to kiss Mary's cheek. "It's just, I want to ease him in. I'm trying to keep this one."

"I'll be nice."

Kate rolled her eyes. "Like Amma was nice?"

"I am being nice."

Kate whipped around to see Kaveri and Anthony standing at the entryway of the kitchen. Anthony looked much better, but she gave him a "blink twice if you need help" look anyway. Her mother must have clocked it.

"He's fine, Chellam."

"May I extricate him from your side, then?"

"I suppose."

"Incredibly short tour, by the way."

"It's a small house." Kaveri shrugged.

Kate gently grabbed Anthony's hand and pulled him towards Mary.

"Anthony, this is my Mum, Mary."

Anthony extended his hand. "Mrs. Sharma, lovely to meet you, though I'm sorry to be empty handed. I'll make up for it next time."

"Not at all. And, I agree with Kaveri. Please call me Mary."

"OK, Mary."

Kate was looking between the two of them with a smile when Kaveri cleared her throat.

"Mary, do you mind showing Kate that book I was thinking about getting restored while Anthony and I get the chai ready?"

Mary stood up with a smirk while Kate turned to Kaveri. "Amma, you can't be serious. You had the opportunity to interrogate Anthony during your 'tour.'"

"Go on, Chellam."

Kate looked over to Mary, hoping to find an ally, but to no avail. Mary was already ushering Kate out of the kitchen. She mouthed I'm sorry to Anthony as she passed him.

—

"Here, stir, please."

"Of course," Anthony dutifully followed Kaveri’s directions, keeping his eyes mostly on the stove. That is, until–

"You love my daughter."

Anthony looked up at that. It wasn't a question. And Kate must have gotten her poker face from her mum.

"I do."

"And she loves you."

"As far as I know."

"No, she does. It's quite obvious."

Anthony chanced that he wouldn't mess anything up if he took the pot off the heat and set it aside. Kaveri didn't object, which was a good sign.

"I love Kate very much. I know it's quite soon, but, really, I've actually known her for almost a year and I am quite certain that this will be a singular experience in my life, likely the defining experience of my life. That's what being with Kate feels like."

"Mmm." Kaveri nodded, sagely. "Kate carries a lot on her shoulders. In part because I failed her as a parent for a number of years. I don't think the shame I feel because of that fact will ever go away. I allowed her to grow up way too fast. And she did, without complaint. She was eighteen, taking care of two grown women as well as her little sister. From what I understand, you have a similar story."

"I do." Anthony's voice wavered a bit. 

"I'm sorry. It's an unfortunate thing to have in common, but perhaps the ways those experiences shaped you is in part what allows you two to have such a strong bond now."

"Yes, I imagine it must play into it to some degree."

Kaveri studied Anthony's face for a few long moments and Anthony tried his best not to look away.

"Kate can take care of herself. She's worked hard to get to that place."

"She's the strongest person I know."

"However, I think it would be good for her if she didn't feel like she had to take care of herself all the time. We try to let her know she can relax, she can rely on us. She doesn't have to be sick. She doesn't have to be having an episode. She can just…let go. Just because she feels like it."

Anthony just nodded, unsure of what to say.

"I suppose I'm asking for some help in that endeavour. I'm asking you, since you love Kate, to be a place where she doesn't have to try so hard. Where she can just receive all the love that we want to give her."

Anthony responded, with as much sincerity as he could muster, hoping Kaveri knew how seriously he was taking what she was saying, "Kaveri. I will make that my life's work. You have my word."

[sheliesshattered]

So it turns out I completely forgot to take any pictures of my last sewing project. Oops. In fairness, it's a gift for my mother, whose birthday is tomorrow, and I didn't want to post any pictures until after it had arrived at her house and been opened. But I still meant to take some pictures, if not of the process at least of the final product. It wasn't until I got home from mailing it that I realized I full on completely forgot to take any photos at all. Oh well. Maybe Mom can snap a picture or two for me since I flat out forgot. Pics of that if/when I actually have them, lol.

But I'm already into my next sewing project, and I've resolved not to make that same mistake again. Which, really, is nearly the same mistake as I made with my fleece dress last month, when I didn't take any pictures at all until all the major seams were sewn. After documenting so much of my sewing throughout 2023, I seem to have completely forgotten all about taking photos of my works-in-progress the last couple of months. I aim to get back on course with this project, though!

The project in question is a hooded wrap sort of thing, made from the black and gray brushed cotton herringbone that I got a bolt of on ebay a couple of weeks back. After washing the bolt, it looks to be about 43" wide and roughly eight and a half yards long. I want to make an overdress for my fleece dress out of it too, but I think this wrap project will only take up about a yard and a half, maybe two, so I should have plenty left for an overdress. And then I can wear the wrap and the overdress together, potentially.

But really the thing I'm sewing this for is my birthday, which is coming up in about seven weeks. I have somehow talked Jack into going to Disneyland and spending all day in the Star Wars Galaxy's Edge area so I can pilot the Millennium Falcon as many times as possible, and doing some original costuming "Batuu-bounding" while we're there, too. Because I am nothing if not a costume nerd, and my life-long love for Star Wars has recently been reignited, so what better way to spend my birthday than dressed up in one of the best examples of 360 degree set building that I've ever seen.

After combining a bunch of pieces from my closet and my costume boxes, I've come up with an outfit that I like the look of, for a general purpose Force-sensitive smuggler pilot: my every-day tall Doc Martens with wraps over them, leather-look leggings, the vest from my Moment cosplay, and various accessories from my pirate-core and Wasteland days. I may need a better shirt to go with it, but I'm hoping to hit up Goodwill at least once or twice between now and then and see what I can find. The final choice will depend on a bit on the weather that week, which in late February in southern California can be literally anything from the cusp of freezing to 80 degrees, sunny or rainy or windy or some combination of all of them. I won't really know until the weekend beforehand.

Besides a shirt, the last piece I really want to add is this hooded wrap, both for practicality -- warmth in the morning and the evening, and keeping the sun off my head at midday without messing up my hair too much -- and for just the drama of a big hood and drapey wrap. I based the hood pattern on the hooded Vuvalini jacket I made for Wasteland Weekend way back in 2016, but took it in a bit both in width and depth (since I'm not trying to catch the wind with this one, and won't be wearing a fluffy scarf with it).

Over the weekend I drafted a pattern and made a mock-up, but the mock-up is really kinda ugly, since I used left over fabric and made a part of it significantly smaller just to save on fabric, so it's one of those mock-ups where you have to squint and imagine what the final product will look like. Not going to bother taking pictures of that. But it did serve the purpose of clarifying some design elements and finalizing fit, so still worthwhile.

With the hood pattern drafted and tested, and measurements for the long wrap bits figured out, I went ahead and cut it out of the herringbone fabric. Here it is all cut out, three pieces for the hood and two pieces for the back:

I'm doing french seams on this project, both to combat the fabric's tendency to fray, and to keep all the inner seams looking pretty when the hood is down, etc. Tonight I sewed up the first set of seams on the center back of the wrap, and all three hood pieces (as modeled by my sewing ham):

Tomorrow I'll press those narrow seams flat, and then sew each of them again a bit further in to completely encase the raw edges (ie a classic french seam). Next step after that will be attaching the hood to the right angle formed by the wrap pieces coming together in the center back. I did this, with shorter and narrower pieces, in my mock-up, and it's a little bit fiddly but not too bad. I didn't french seam the mock-up though, so we'll see if that adds any headaches to this.

Once both stages of the neck seam are done and the hood is attached, the last step will be hemming! And it's a lot of hemming, lol. The shorter edges of the wrap (starting from the top of the center back, where it meets the hood) are each 48" long and 18" wide. I actually haven't measured the outer, longer edge, nor done the math to figure out what it must be given that the center back is cut on a 45 degree bias, but let's just say it's a lot of inches. And then there's the hood opening too, which was cut to have a generous drape. Many many inches of hemming, really probably better measured in yards.

I need to play around with a couple of options, see if I like the look of top stitching or if I want to do the whole thing by hand with invisible stitches, but right now my assumption is that I'll end up doing this by hand. I actually enjoy handsewing hems, so that's not the worst thing in the world, and I've got plenty of time to get this finished before I plan to wear it at the end of February. I do have at least one other sewing project I'd like to tackle for our Star Wars Batuu-bounding day, and I'd like to leave room for other things to come up at the last minute too, so I'm going to keep buzzing through this just as quickly as I can. More pictures tomorrow, in all likelihood.

After I call my mom of course, and wish her a happy birthday. And beg her for photos of that thing I made for her, lol.

[plural-affirmations]

I have a vent. It's a little long and maybe confusing. Sorry. Our psych has us on increased antipsychotics which is all well and good for hallucinations. But it's also fixing the dissociating. Great I'm theory. Only I can still hear my headmates but only like... like they're far away. But now they can't seem to front either. And I feel trapped in front and desperate for a break. I normally have to front anyway but now I can't even let someone else deal with it over the weekend. And I'm sure my psychiatrist will count it as a success and I can't tell her I want to dissociate more. But now I feel like a horrible person. For always fronting. Or maybe I don't have headmates at all and it was all hallucinations and then I feel like a bad person for accidently lying to people. I'm sorry. That was long. Thank you for letting me vent

Hey anon. It's gonna be ok. I understand things are scary and stressful right now, but we're here for you.

I have some things to say that might help, but I know you didn't ask for any, so apologies in advance if you didn't want advice. Also, please be aware I am not a medical professional of any kind, and I am speaking solely off my own experiences.

First, many different medications may have different impacts on you and your system; for example, we're on low-grade pain medication that tends to make us dissociate for an hour or two after it kicks in. So, it's possible you're feeling unexpected side effects.

I know you said you don't necessarily want to tell your psychiatrist about wanting to dissociate more, but perhaps you could phrase it as "I think the higher dose is interfering with communication to my other [alters, parts, headmates, etc.]", or suggest switching medicine if it's not working out for you.

Of course, I am no stranger to the idea that having mental health professionals who listen to you are hard to come by sometimes. I also obviously do not know your specific situation, so take all this with a grain of salt.

Second, I can't sit here and tell you whether your system is hallucinations or not. I can, however, tell you that it's ok to continue identifying as plural if you so wish. Psygenic, hallucingenic, and deligenic are 3 terms I can think of off the top of my head that relate to psychosis and plurality intersecting, though there are many more.

And lastly... I say this with the utmost respect and kindness: what if you are wrong? What if you find out your headmates are related to your psychosis, and you no longer resonate with "system"?

It's ok! It is ok to change and go through phases. It is ok to experiment with labels. You are not a bad person or lying to anyone. You're exploring different ways to be at home in your own skin, and that is never something to be ashamed of.

Lying as a concept is inherently on purpose. You need 2 things to lie; the desire to be deceptive, and the intent to purposefully carry out that desire. If you don't have both of those things, you are not lying!

I say all these things to try and reframe them into a different perspective. How you feel is 100% valid, but, anon, I promise you, you're not doing anything morally wrong. You're trying your best to figure things out, like everyone else you know is probably doing.

TL;DR: You're not a bad person, we love you very much, and please be kind to yourself today. Allow yourself to exist as you are.

I hope any of this helps, even a tiny bit. Please feel free to reach out again if you feel the need or want to.

🖤💜💙💚💛

[imperatorium]

what inspired you to try and write the jukebox musical

While I had been ambiently listening to Ghost (and always enjoying it) since Prequelle came out in 2018, I first started concentratedly listening later that December, after I took my partner to see them in concert. Before that, I'd kind of felt like...I want to listen to this, but it's his thing and I don't want to co-opt His Thing, so I'll just continue to express excitement when he puts this playlist on, etc. But after the concert, I already felt so incredibly moved by what I'd seen and he'd introduced more of the story (read: Sister & Nihil) to me, so I was like...okay, you sonuffabitch, I'm in.

And this was an unprecedented moment in history because typically, you cannot get me to listen to anything else but holiday music in December. I am very strict with myself about only listening to holiday music from like November - the beginning of January, so I don't usually like to waste any time. But then one day while taking the long way home from a coffee date with my (for all intents and purposes) brother-in-law, I put on Prequelle and listened to it by myself. And kind of from that point forward, during my long drives to work (almost two hours each way, the return home trip being typically from 2-4AM/4-6AM), I just kept playing Prequelle over and over again.

I was struck pretty early on with how theatrical/cinematic some of the songs felt, especially as I started to learn more and more of the story. I honestly don't remember which was the first song that stood out to me as something I could clearly envision as as being staged for a musical number - it was either "Life Eternal", "Faith", or "Pro Memoria". Maybe "Witch Image", too, because I'd already been introduced to the idea that it could be from Sister's POV re: Copia. But all of a sudden, I had like four or five scenes in my head that would play out every single time I heard these songs and I couldn't stop thinking about it. "Faith" was now Sister's angry second act solo, yelling at all her dissenters in a way reminiscent of "J'accuse mon père" from Mozart l'opera rock. "Pro Memoria" is now performed as a choral hymn at the end of the second act to show the passage of time before we enter the Ghost era. And so on.

Then, of course, there was an early-on place for "Cirice", since the music video was (to me) clearly about Sister & Nihil meeting. At some point, "Absolution" also jumped out as very clearly being about Sister's trials and tribulations to gain power as a child/young woman. "Year Zero" was the incredibly clever second half of the "Dance Macabre" video's events.

I got a new job in 2019 that involved a lot of out of state travel, so I had a ton of time to sit on a plane and listen through a playlist I was puzzling together to see what sounded right where and what was missing. I spent a lot of weekends sitting at a merch table completely by myself, so I started making notes. Winter through summer of 2019 was when I did most of my work on the outline, but I knew it wasn't finished yet because there were very specific things that were missing from the catalogue for story moments. Seven Inches dropped and filled some of those gaps. And after that, I knew there'd eventually be a new album to fill the rest of them.

And I was right!! The first time I heard "Kaisarion", the first night of the Pre-Imperatour, before I even knew the words, I was like oh, this is the first song in the musical. (Well, technically, the second. "Miasma" is the first, as a staged overture.)

So, I don't know. The tl;dr answer, I guess, is overinvestment in what quickly became my new favourite thing of all time, the fact that I had a lot of time to myself due to both work travel and some negative upheavals in my relationships with the people I was closest to at the time, and sweet, sweet autism baybeeee. It also didn't help that around the same time, I was shown Smash for the first time and had a lot of input on the process of writing/creating a musical from what quickly became one of my favourite TV shows.

(And also Megan Hilty would be a perfect young Sister.)

[purplesurveys]

1830

Describe your most recent purchase: I just replenished my Korean groceries – I restocked on chapaguri and bibimmyeon noodles and also got moksal and pork bulgogi so I can try cooking other meats at home besides my usual samgyupsal.

Did you enjoy the last movie you watched in theaters? The last thing I watched in full in the cinema was BTS' Busan concert when it had a worldwide premiere in like Feb last year. The first time I watched with friends; the second time I watched on my own.

If you make surveys, where’s the last place you saw a survey made by you on another person’s site? I've never made a survey. I don't think I'll be any good at crafting questions.

Do you take the subway train often (if your city has one)? We don't have that and our public transport is generally shit so you won't catch me in any of the trains that do exist.

What shoes did you wear today? Ivy Park sneakers since I needed to manage a branded event today.

Does your sibling have a significant other? As far as I know she doesn't. She had this...situationship...thing a few months ago but that's done.

Have you ever cried at a real wedding? No, but that's also because I haven't been invited to a wedding since 2007, when I was 9 years old.

How would you feel if a girl asked your boyfriend out for a drink? I don't have a boyfriend.

Do you live in an apartment or a house? House.

Do you use Skype? Nope. If I needed to video call with friends, we'd use Messenger. Facetime to a much lesser extent.

What do your flip flops look like? I have slides instead of flip flops, and they're a plain white pair of adidas ones.

Any idea what you want for your next birthday? I'll probably just treat my family out for either lunch or dinner. No big plans I think this year, as Angela is busy reviewing for her boards and I don't want to take her time by planning an out-of-town trip.

Are there any gadgets of yours that need charging right now? My phone definitely needs to be plugged in, it's hanging on at 2% right now hahaha.

What’s the name of your nearest grocery store? That would be SM.

What do you use to remove makeup? Water.

Which awards show would you wanna go to the most (e.g Oscars, Grammys etc.)? None of them, they all feel just like PR at this point. The big ones are almost always racist and favor men anyway so eh.

Any idea what time you’ll be going to bed tonight? I need to go to bed at around 10 or 11, because I plan on waking up at around 7 AM tomorrow to start working. I didn't do any work last Friday and over the weekend, so I need to make up for it.

Do you think George Clooney is hot? Not really.

Have you ever participated in local magazine cover girl searches? Nope. I joined in giveaway contests, but not cover girl stuff altogether.

What colour is your keyboard? Black.

Do you keep the plastic/paper/whatever bags after you buy stuff? To quote the Tiktok trend, we're Filipino, of course we hoard paper and plastic bags for any and every purpose, including using them as Christmas gift packaging. Not sure if it's practiced in other cultures but we are definitely not opposed to gift-wrapping something like a mug in an Apple, Pandora, or LV paper bag hahaha.

Do you own any high waisted pants? Yes! I like how the high waist finish looks on me so majority of my jeans/pants are in that style.

Do you know anyone who has two different coloured eyes? Yes.

Do you wanna be a pirate or an elf? Maybe an elf? I'm scared of pirates lol.

Have you ever purchased anything online? Yes, it's how I prefer to purchase most things. I've been accomplishing my Christmas checklists entirely online since 2021.

Gold or silver accessories? Silver. 

Have you ever been called a skank/slut because of the way you dress? Not to my face, at least.

Have you ever ridden an elephant? Once as a teenager. I don't want to do it again.

Are you a fan of acrylic nails? Sure.

[justanother-blogpost]

Not really feeling my best

Not really feeling my best, but I know how to cope. That’s something. A lot of people don’t know what to do when they are in a ditch. I am a but burnt out from having to learn new skills everyday in hopes that I land a job. I am not worried about money, neither is my family. They are just concerned that I don’t have a job for some reason. Kind of like not letting me take a gap year, because then “You’ll loose interest in school if you detach yourself from it”, they stress out over this a lot, they just want me to be active. Well here’s the thing: Once you have a passion about something the flame will never burn out. Am working on my portfolio and while I don’t mind not having a job and staying home all day, it would be nice. To get out of the house, socialise and travel. Extra money never hurt anyone, right? The problem is I neither interested or capable of the jobs I am presented to. I am also looking into a freelance online offering which is very tempting and if anything it is very doable.

Before I dive in into what I do now I'd like to tell you what I used to do. This might sound bad, but I used to... please myself. Yes. Everytime I was bored I used to put my hands down my pants and go to town. So. Many. Times. The feeling you get after is so giddy happy, not a care in the world and so fucked out from bliss. It is true that I really didn't have a care in the world back then, all that was required of me was to get good grades. Not going to lie and say I don't do it anymore, but it's a lot less frequent and more controlled.

Moving on to what I do now. When I find myself in situations like these it is very important to take a deep breath, realise where the anxiety is coming from and go from there. Apart from what I said working on my PC all day and slightly overeating these past few days have also been a factor. My always go-to first solution is to take a shower.

Why a shower? It makes me feel clean, warm, cozy, safe. I wear a new pair of clothes and do my facial routine. This in no way means I'm dirty, I shower almost everyday (since I go to the gym), but my hair only 2 times a week and once a week I mask it with an oil so I can straighten it. It does make my hair greasy, so that's probably a factor too. So a shower is like a new start to me.

Although, in order to take said shower I like to do house chores first, so I don't feel dirty afterwards, if I haven't done them yet. Like tidy up the place, clean the dishes, maybe clean the house too.

Why chores? They give me a sense of purpose and again we are in the realm of cleaning so ...

After writing this I guess cleaning is one of my many coping mechanisms haha.

I also haven't been sleeping well lately, takes me along time to fall asleep and I wake up early. Even on the weekends, when I usually used to wake up around 10-11 AM.

[bnerdler]

This week has been a really shitty week. This post is mostly just me venting. I'll be OK, im not looking for pity. I have a support system and coping strategies to sort myself out I just need to vent a little.

I moved on Thursday last week from my 1x1 apartment that was slowly draining me of money into my friends townhome which is going to half my living expenses. And that's great and all but my cat has extreme aggression and anxiety problems. He'd been getting medicated for it but he's got such a high drug tolerance that anything we give him we have to double the dosage for it to have the effect that the normal dose would have for a normal cat.

Needless to say, during the move on Thursday he broke out of the room I'd had him and my other cat in while I got my room set up. In the process of getting him back in the room and into the crate, he bit my hand and scratched up one of my roommates. We got him started on a short term sedation drug while we weighed the options over the weekend. He settled down enough to not be so scared he attacks me but just yowls for hours nonstop due to separation anxiety.

The vet thinks he might have a brain tumor which has caused the aggression. Even scared cats don't normally attack their owners. But I can't afford to get him brain scans to diagnose much less treatment if he does. Not to mention the off cha ce that it's not a tumor or that it is but treatment doesn't help. We've decided to drug the hell out of him. We upped the dosage of the anxiety meds he was already on, added in a secondary anxiety drug, and I'm slowly getting the rest of the stuff the vet suggested such as cbd oil, pheromone sprays, and the like. If it says "calming" on it im getting it. Its... only mildly helping so far but we've only been here a week and today is the last day of the sedation drug and we started the new anti-anxiety meds yesterday. I just really hope this works. I hope this is all worth it and gives me a cat that I love being around. That im not scared of. That I'm scared for.

Like on a scale of 1-10 how anxious are you, my cat is constantly living at a 10. He has no quality of living like that. He can't be around other people bc he will attack them. And he's just anxious and scared out of his mind all the time. So if this new action plan doesnt work... well I'll have to euthanize him. And I really really don't want to have to make that decision.

I got the news about all this on Monday and just sobbed for like 6 hours straight. And I still had to go to work.

It's been a shit week at work too. The boss man was having a gout flair up from stress so he's grumpy and in pain which has made him irritable and altogether unpleasant to be around. He's also been really paranoid bc of the stress. We have security cameras in the school which isn't a bad thing, we need to have them. But the fact that he watches the feed, purposely moved the camera over the front desk to monitor everything I do, calls me and asks me what I'm doing when I'm there alone. Like yesterday the spot where my cat bit me was feeling very sore, so I was icing it and he calls me and asks me what happened to my hand. And like it's not like I'm fucking around at work. I do my work I get my shit done. But it's the assumption that I am and that even when I'm alone, I'm still being watched and have to monitor myself. Like I was raised barely reformed jewish. I wasn't meant for this Christian guilt panopticon bullshit.

faked an emergency to go home early last night bc I just could not stand being around the boss man last night. I did not want to take class with him. I was already emotionally at my wits end and was not in the place to deal with him.

It's also the anniversary of my grandfather's passing. So just the reminder of oh yeah I buried my grandfather on this day 2 years ago sucks.

And then also there's the news about moonbin which is hitting me hard too. Like when jonghyun passed I didn't consider myself a shawol (I still dont). But there was a really long time where I couldn't listen to shinee's music. But with astro and moonbin? I've been an Aroha since day one. The day hide and seek came out, I listened to it nonstop. Their music helped me through some really dark times bc it was just impossible for me to be sad while listening to their music. And as shallow as it feels to say it, moonbin was my bias. He was also incredibly close in age to me. He was born only a week before I was so that just makes it hit different. I know that one day I will be able to listen to Astros music again and feel joy but I don't know how long that will take.

And this weekend is my boyfriend and my roommates birthday but I don't know how I'm supposed to go out clubbing with them when all I want to do is stare at a wall and not think. Like my social and emotional batteries are just drained. I really don't want to have to perform being a person. Just for 24 hours I need to turn off. Like you know when a computer is giving you problems? I feel like that like someone just needs to turn me off and then turn me back on after waiting 30 seconds.

It's just all this heavy things this week, all the grief and stress. Not to mention the kids I work with being absolutely off the rails too. They've been pushing every single button. And I just have no patience for it.

And on the one hand I want to channel all this emotion and grief into my writing, on the other hand I just want to not do anything. I'm like any minor inconvenience will set me off crying.

I'm also just living on the razors edge monetarily. I've got no savings, my credit card is maxed out, I've got bills to pay, and I don't get paid enough to cover it all. At the last apartment I was living paycheck to paycheck with barely enough to cover my most pressing bills: rent, utilities, food, gas. I had to put off buying new underwear for like 6 months bc I couldn't even afford the $10 for a pack of the cheap Walmart shit. I've also got some big bills happening right now. With the move I had to break my least which cost me. Getting into the new place I've got food costs bc I finished almost all of my staples before the move. I've got all this shit for my cat. I'm behind on my student loans. I'm behind on my membership for taekwondo. I'm going on a cruise in like 20 days and I need to have money for that. Afterwards is our tournament and I want to compete which costs money that i dont even know if I'll have. I'm just tired of living frugally not because I want to but because I have to.

I'm just tired.

So that's where I'm at lmao.

[rhetoricalrogue]

I'm taking Monday and Tuesday off and when people at work asked me what I had planned, they looked at me funny when I honestly told them I am planning on sleeping as much as possible and then whatever happens while I'm awake happens, no set plans needed.

[limerenze]

invisible string - adrian pucey

[Adrian Pucey x Fem!Reader] soulmate!au

masterlist

Summary; au where- if your soulmate attends hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry- their house crest appears on your left wrist when they get sorted.

Word Count; 9.8k

A/N; this was completely inspired by this prompt i found by @newajgo. i spoke with her prior to writing this and got her blessing and i encourage you to communicate with authors you take inspiration from as well! life’s far too short to steal each other's ideas!! anyways there isn't enough adrian content on this app and i thought this fit him perfectly. also i did not anticipate this being any longer than 5k words and it is now almost twice that!! we love <333

also! as always, i try to keep my work as close to canon-typical as i can- but there may be some inaccuracies in terms of characters and their details (mostly cuz almost everyone in his fic is quite literally a background character 😭 it really is a hard knock life 4 us)

Warnings; muggleborn hufflepuff!reader, fem!reader, possibly ooc!draco? but not really? idk i found it hard to write him as just a side character lol,

Dates Written; October 25th - November 11, 2021

It was an autumn morning in 1989 when Y/N’s father noticed the snake-like symbol on his daughter's wrist. A Saturday morning. They were in the kitchen getting breakfast ready. She was mixing pancake batter when he saw it. It wasn't there the day before, was it? No, he would’ve noticed such a strange mark.

“Y/N, darling. Come here” he said softly, she hopped out of her chair and joined him on the other side of the kitchen island. He took her hand into his to inspect the mark. “Darling, does this hurt?” he asked as he ran his thumb over it. The mark didn't smear or smudge and it rose off her soft skin ever so slightly, like a scar or a tattoo.

Y/N looked curiously at it. She hadn't noticed it before. She shook her head in response to her father’s question.

It was the last weekend of summer break, Y/N was due to start year 4 at primary school the following Monday. She thought hard to when it could've happened. The mark wasn't there yesterday, she was sure of it.

He nodded, deciding to drop it- and Y/N went back to mixing the pancake batter.

As time went on, Y/N grew to love her snake-like mark. She didn't know where it came from, and no matter what she tried- it never went away. It took her a while but eventually, it became her favourite part about herself. She was sure no one else in the world had the exact same one. She dreamt that it had a deeper meaning. Y/N had always been known for her overactive imagination. She dreamt that it was a clue about her past life, perhaps she died from a snake bite. She dreamt that it would lead her on a great adventure or to her true purpose in life.

Of course, Y/N was also always a realistic kid. She knew the chances of any of these things being true was slim to none.

Until two years later, on her 11th birthday.

She came home from school and ran through her front door. She was greeted by both her parents in the family room and a small pile of birthday gifts on the table in front of them. She smiled ear to ear and embraced them both in a hug.

They watched in awe as their only daughter pried open the gifts they had been collecting for her the last few weeks. They wanted her to be strong and independent, but they couldn't help but spoil her on special days- such as her birthday and Christmas.

They wanted to raise her to be strong and independent, but they also wanted her to grow up feeling loved.

Just as she was about to pick up the 7th, and last gift on the table. A beautiful golden, cream breasted barn owl flew in through the backdoor, directly into the Y/L/N family room.

The family liked to keep the back door open, especially on beautiful spring days like today. but never had anything as absurd as this happened.

The owl dropped a worn looking parchment envelope in Y/N’s lap and flew out just as quickly as it flew in- her parents were not given enough time to react- other than shocked and confused as they thought ‘What just happened?’.

“What is that?” Y/N’s mother spoke up, nodding to the wax-sealed letter in her child’s lap. Y/N looked down and picked it up:

Ms Y/F/I. Y/L/N

The Birthday Party in the Family Room

368 Downing Street

London, England

Her eyebrows were knitted together in confusion, she flipped it over revealing a colourful coat of arms she didn't recognise.

“Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry” she spoke quietly, running her finger over the dark red wax. She looked up at her parents- eyes wide and mouth slightly agape.

None of them even noticed the small snake on the letter that matched her mark perfectly.

———

His whole life he knew that the soulmate mark tale was true. His mother and father both had small, matching Slytherin symbols- engraved on their left wrists. Adrian was sure that his parents were more soulmates than anyone else’s.

So he was always excited to find his.

Adrian always knew he would attend Hogwarts, just like his parents did and their parents before them.

Adrian remembers the day he got his wand like it was yesterday. a ten-inch, cedarwood wand made with a dragon heartstring core. It was the most beautiful thing Adrian had ever seen.

It was the first time he truly felt the magical blood that ran through his veins.

A few weeks later, on September 1, 1989- Adrian started at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

Adrian wasn’t surprised when the sorting hat called out “Slytherin” after being placed on his head. Not in the slightest. He would be much more shocked if it hadn’t.

He tried not to be shocked, often. He liked to think of himself as calm and collected- ready for everything life threw at him.

What he was shocked by, was when the 1989 Sorting Hat Ceremony concluded, his wrist was left blank. A pang of disappointment shot through his chest. He pretended it didn’t.

So his soulmate didn’t start at Hogwarts this year. Who cares?

Until the same thing happened 12 months later. Adrian was beginning to worry.

He would watch as some of the kids in his year began to get antsy about it. Adrian told himself that was still young. He was only in his second year.

Some kids even began to wear a thick cuff to cover their mark, or in Adrian’s case- lack thereof. Some people covered it out of shame or just wanted to keep away from prying eyes.

So Adrian decided, starting at the beginning of his second year, he would wear a simple back cuff. and for a short while, it was fine.

The holidays rolled around and he returned home from Scotland. Christmas was Adrian’s favourite holiday.

Maybe because his birthday was not long after, his parents never allowed him to return to Hogwarts empty-handed. under the promise that Adrian would wait until his birthday to open the gift.

On Christmas morning, Adrian opened a small box to reveal a wristwatch.

A charming wristwatch. It was sleek and mature. Silver and white with a beautifully thick, black leather strap. The perfect size to replace his clunky cuff and still effectively hide where his soulmate mark should sit.

He wanted to keep his faith in the soulmate tale. There was loads of walking proof. But it was growing increasingly difficult the more he dwelled on his blank wrist.

Adrian didn’t want to even think of the alternatives. Although- he did anyways, of course.

He thought that maybe his soulmate didn’t go to Hogwarts. There were plenty of other magical schools across the world. He revelled at the idea of a soulmate from a foreign country. He hoped the Beauxbatons.

However, he knew- realistically, his soulmate had just, not begun her first year yet.

But for every answer that made sense, there were the stubborn ones always lurking.

What if he never would get a mark?

What did that mean?

Well, it could mean loads of things.

It could mean he wouldn’t meet his soulmate at school. It meant he would have to wait longer than his friends who had already begun to find theirs. It meant he would never see the small mark on his own wrist, the mark he was secretly so excited for.

The longer he went with a blank left wrist, the longer the two ideas festered in his mind.

What if he didn’t have a soulmate?

What if his soulmate was a muggle?

Adrian hadn’t decided which one would be worse.

———

The weeks after finding out she was a witch were the most thrilling of her life. For the few hours after the owl dropped off her acceptance letter, the small family was left completely confused.

It wasn’t until they sat down for Y/N’s birthday dinner that night that there was a knock on the door, the woman behind it ready to answer every question they had.

Her name was Minerva McGonagall and she was very kind. She dressed in strange clothes, but honestly? It was the least obscure thing they had encountered that day. It was a day Y/N would never forget.

She told them all about Hogwarts and all about magic. She explained that it was at utmost importance that everything be kept a secret, and that- until the term started at the beginning of September, they were to go about life as normal. She assured them that she would be back in a few weeks to bring Y/N and her parents to gather the necessary supplies she would need to attend Hogwarts.

And that she did. She explained to her about the platform at Kings Cross Station and told her an owl would be by to deliver her train ticket.

And now, the day had finally come.

Y/N was standing on Platform 9¾, ready to start her newfound life as a witch.

She roamed the aisle of the Hogwarts Express. Feeling small in such a crowded place. She had her British Shorthair cat with a beautiful orange and white coat of fur under her arm, looking for an empty place to sit. When Professor McGonagall told her that she could bring a pet with her to school, she knew she wanted a cat. She had always wanted a cat.

She named her Pepper and although she’s only had her for a few weeks- she loved her very much.

From the corner of her eye, she spotted a cart that only held 2 other people. She figured she would test her luck and ask if she could sit with them. They were two boys, a brunette with glasses and a fiery redhead.

She approached the door and knocked lightly. The boys looked up at her and she offered a slight smile.

“Hi, do you two mind if I sit here? I can’t find anywhere empty” she asked in a sweet voice, hoping they would say yes.

The boys smiled at her and nodded. “It’s rough out there, huh? I’ve learned my lesson, I’m coming early next time” the red-headed boy spoke affirmatively.

That made Y/N laugh. She walked through the door and closed it shut, taking a seat next to the redhead and across from the boy with glasses. “I’m Y/N” she announced, setting Pepper down next to her and watching as she curled into a ball to sleep for the duration of the train ride.

“I’m Harry” the boy across from her spoke shyly- almost as if he didn’t want to tell her. She nodded and looked over at the second boy.

“I’m Ron,” he said with a shrug, turning to look out the window. “Are you a first-year too?” Ron asked the girl.

She nodded along, moving to brush her hair out of her eyes.

“Hey!” Ron exclaimed, grabbing her arm gently. “Why’ve you got a Slytherin tattoo?” he asked, his tone resembling slight disgust, referencing the mark on her wrist.

Through all the chaos, Y/N had forgotten about her snake-like mark. She peered down at it and back up at Ron. “Whats Slytherin?”

“It’s one of the houses at Hogwarts?” he told her like it’s something she should know.

Y/N was told of the houses by Professor McGonagall, but she hadn’t gone into detail.

“Oh. That’s weird” Y/N spoke in a small voice, running her finger over it. “It’s not a tattoo, it’s just a mark. It just appeared there one day” she told him.

Ron thought for a moment before his face broke out into a giant smile. Y/N’s gaze wandered over to Harry, wondering if he had any idea what was going on.

He didn’t.

“I know what that is!” Ron suddenly proclaimed. “It’s your soulmate mark!”

“My what?”

“Your soulmate mark! It means your soulmate is in Slytherin house! Which is like, the worst house. But your soulmate! Mum and Dad both have matching Gryffindor ones. Every Hogwarts student’s soulmate has a mark on their left wrist showing them what house they’re in! And that means everyone with a mark’s soulmate is a Hogwarts student. How long have you had that? What-” Ron rambled on. He would’ve continued to ramble had Harry not cut him off.

“Ron! You’re frightening her!” Harry told his new friend.

It was true, Y/N never thought anything special would ever really come of her snake-like mark. It was fun to dream about, but she never thought it would be true. So yeah, Y/N was a little frightened.

“Sorry Y/N,” Ron said quietly. “Mum says I get excited”

Y/N shook her head, letting him know it was alright. She leaned back in her seat and her hand got lost in Pepper’s fur. The topic was forgotten when the Honeydukes trolley rolled by and Harry bought enough sweets to feed a small village.

a short while later, a bushy-haired girl- who looked about their age, walked through the doors and asked about a lost toad. Truthfully, Y/N wasn’t really listening. She was mindlessly sucking on a lollipop that harry had offered her while lost in thought.

“Hey, Ron. What did you mean when you said that Slytherin was ‘the worst house?” Y/N asked Ron, once the girl- whose name she learned was Hermione- had left.

“Oh, well everyone in Slytherin house is evil. Every witch and wizard in history who went dark were members of Slytherin house!” Ron began to rant. “They’re supposed to be clever and cunning and ambitious, but I think it’s just an excuse of a house to separate the evil wizards from the rest of us”

The three fell silent.

“Oh! But I’m sure your soulmate is great!’ he smiled weakly.

———

Adrian hated the Hogwarts Express. He spent enough time with the members of Slytherin house during the school year. And it’s not like he could sit elsewhere.

He pretended to listen to his dormmates fight about who was going to win the quidditch world cup this season.

He couldn’t think about quidditch any longer. He had been stressing about it all summer. He was nervous for this year. He was finally going to try out for the Slytherin Quidditch team. Anyone who knew Adrian had no idea what he was so worried for. Adrian loved Quiddich, and he was amazing at it. He’s been playing since he was a kid with his dad in the field across from their house.

Time got away from Adrian. He was going through the routine of the train ride, then he went through the routine of the carriage rides- he didn’t come to until a Slytherin girl- whose name he did not know- approached him and offered to help him tie his tie.

He didn’t even notice he was fidgeting with it. He nodded and allowed the girl to fix it for him. He thanked her and proceeded to the great hall for the welcome feast. He didn’t notice the wink she sent his way, and if he had- he was sure he wouldn’t care.

Summer after his second year, Adrian accepted that he wasn’t going to get a soulmate mark. He accepted that his soulmate didn’t attend Hogwarts. And he came to terms with it.

He decided to accept this after another one of his friends found their soulmate. They were 13? What was the rush? Not to mention that Adrian was older than all his friends? He was the oldest kid in their year, he would turn 14 before any of them would- since his birthday was right after New Year’s. He didn’t understand, but he accepted it. Despite this, he did find it a little unfair that he would likely be the last of them to find his soulmate since he would get no indication of who they were. He’d have to find them the old fashioned way.

He often found himself thinking of whoever was walking around with a Slytherin symbol marked on their left wrist. His Slytherin symbol.

Adrian’s thoughts were interrupted as he watched the doors to the Great Hall open dramatically and Professor McGonagall lead the group of terrified looking first years to the front, where a stool was sat with the sorting hat on top.

Adrian remembers how terrified he was to be sorted. He knew he would get put in Slytherin, he hoped he would. He also remembers thinking how cool it would be for him to be the first person in his family to not be sorted into Slytherin, although- the cons of that seemed to outweigh the pros.

Adrian never shared his family’s entitled, pureblood supremacist ideologies- not that any of them had any knowledge of this. The love he held for his family outweighed the fear he had of them. That’s why he was so scared that his soulmate would end up being a muggle, and that’s why they didn’t attend Hogwarts. At this point in his life, his need and want to please his family definitely outweighed his need and want for a soulmate.

He remembered at his sorting ceremony when his older sister cheered louder than anyone else when he walked over to Slytherin table. They were 5 years older than him and finished their seventh year the previous spring, and this was Adrian’s first year at Hogwarts without them. He was the only Pucey at Hogwarts and would be until his younger sister would join him in his 5th year. He hopes he can make her feel as welcome as he felt when she comes.

The thought made him smile.

Adrian usually liked to pay attention to the sorting ceremony, unlike most of the other upperclassmen. He didn’t like first year’s, not particularly. But he didn’t understand the point in terrorizing them, again- unlike most of the other upperclassmen- mainly the upperclassmen in his house.

Adrian listened as the sorting hat raffled off the 11-year-olds to different tables, but he wasn’t actively paying attention, he clapped when a new Slytherin was called but that was the extent of it.

Until he heard a name being called, the name of a person he thought he’d never meet, or even see. Someone he wasn’t even sure was real- Harry Potter.

Part of Adrian hoped he would be in his house, but when he was sorted into Gryffindor- he turned his attention back off. He did, however- share a funny look with one of his friends when the boy all but begged not to get put in Slytherin.

Adrian couldn’t even tell you what he ate at the feast, or who he spoke to. Because the next thing he knew he was sitting in his bed, his dormmates: Cassius Warrington, Miles Bletchley, Graham Montague and Terence Higgs were in their respective beds as well.

He fiddled with the clasp of his watch, his dormmates knew about his blank wrist. They didn’t see the big deal, so Adrian wasn’t ashamed to take his wristwatch off around them.

It had been bugging him recently, it was fine on the train, but over the feast he noticed it becoming slightly itchy. He chalked it up to him tightening it without noticing being the cause of the irritation on his left wrist.

That’s why he was eager to get to his dorm and get it off.

Adrian mindlessly rubbed his pointer and middle finger over the tender spot on his wrist, thinking of quidditch plays- the only thing on his mind being house team try-outs on Friday.

Maybe he’ll talk to Flint this week. They were decent friends- he could reach out to him. It would certainly calm his nerves going in-

“Mate!” Graham exclaimed, snatching Adrian’s left wrist- holding it up in the air. Getting the attention of Terence, Miles and Cassius from across the room.

Adrian’s face contorted into confusion as he snatched it back. “Shove off! It’s sore! The leather was rubbing on it all day. I must’ve fastened it too tight or somet-”

“How thick are you?” Graham groaned, grabbing ahold of Adrian again- pulling his arm until the inner section of his left wrist was perfectly in view for him to see.

And instead of a blank spot, red with irritation like he suspected- there was a small outline of the Hufflepuff badger.

His friends cheered and howled around him, excitedly clapping his back and shoulders in congratulations, as Adrian just sat staring at it.

His soulmate was a Badger? A first-year Badger, at that?

———

Y/N became very fast friends with her housemates in her year. The first night after her sorting ceremony, she and her dormmates; Hannah Abbott, Susan Bones, Megan Jones and Leanne Dawlish- stayed up chatting well past lights out.

Y/N showed her friends her Slytherin mark, and the girls giggled and squealed, sharing theirs as well. Hannah’s wrist showed a small outline of a lion while Susan, Megan and Leanne’s was a badger, representing their own house. The teasing was light but the excitement between the girls was heavy. How lucky that they all now knew their soulmate’s houses?

They talked and speculated about who Y/N’s older, Slytherin soulmate could be. As much as 5 Hufflepuff girls could on their first day, with no knowledge about who was in the house.

They met a few other Hufflepuff’s, a boy called Gabriel showed them to their common room after the feast and when she was sorted, as well as while she ate- she sat next to an older boy called Cedric. Y/N was excited to meet the rest of her housemates over the year.

They talked for so long that Y/N began to worry that they would be late for their first day of classes.

Fortunately, they weren't.

Y/N had almost forgotten all about how Ron told her that Slytherin House was the worst house in Hogwarts and everyone under it was destined to be evil.

That was until she had her first class at Hogwarts, Herbology with the Slytherin first years.

She sat with her housemates, Ernie on one side of her and an empty seat on the other. She heard as a boy let out a loud sigh from the entrance. She glanced over and saw a boy she knew to be Draco Malfoy- she hadn’t met him, but she was there the night previous when he got into it with Ron and Harry.

“Is there any possible way for us not to take classes with Hufflepuff house?” the blonde boy muttered to his friends, as he took the empty space next to Y/N.

Her nose scrunched as she looked over at Ernie, nodding her head over at him. Ernie just shrugged.

The boys chuckled and agreed.

“I mean, seriously. Imagine being in Hufflepuff?” He spat, disgusted- as Professor Sprout walked in.

Y/N turned more away from him, not in any mood to entertain him.

It worked for the first half of the lesson, until Sprout announced that we would be paired up with the student sitting next to them. She looked over at Ernie and saw he was already chatting, and planning on partnering with Justin.

The number of Hufflepuff’s in her year was uneven- meaning one of them would have to be with a Slytherin.

She peered over at Draco and saw him snarling at Vincent Crabbe and Gregory Goyle- who were already starting on their assignment. She watched as he began to look in her direction and she snapped her head down.

“Ms Y/L/N! Mr Malfoy! I see you two are our only inter-house partnership!” she explained with a smile, clapping her hands together. “If anyone should need any help, just give me a shout!” She said smiling, leaving the class to work.

She looked over at Draco and smiled meekly. He gave her an insincere, snarly smile in return.

They were learning about the protective equipment used in the course to ensure the safety of all the students, and the assignment was easy enough- find out what each piece of equipment is used for. And it wasn’t as if she had to work with the mean boy all term? She tried to be her own voice of reason.

Draco left Y/N alone for the majority of the lesson- until Y/N made the mistake of taking her robe off and rolling her sleeves up. It was hot and humid in the greenhouses, and Professor Sprout hadn’t said anything about a few of the other students shedding their cloak.

“Oi! Look at the little pathetic Hufflepuff!” Draco announced with a cunning smile. Gaining the attention of his nearby Slytherin friends.

“What’s that, Malfoy?” She spoke back, eyes glued to her parchment. She tried not to let her voice waiver, but it was hard.

“A poor little mudblood came to Hogwarts in search for her Slytherin soulmate?” His teasing continued. Y/N didn’t even want to know what a ‘mudblood’ was.

“Draco? What are you on about?” said a girl dressed in green and silver.

“Y/L/N has herself a Slytherin mark!” he said pointing at her wrist, she peered down at it and pulled her sleeves to cover it.

“Oh there’s no point in that, we’ve all already seen it. Isn’t that right guys?” He said, looking at his friends, the lot of them shared his sly look.

“It hardly concerns you” she shot back. “Just leave it alone and help me finish this assignment” Y/N just wanted him to drop it before Professor Sprout heard them.

“I disagree. See, I think it does concern me. I bet it would smear right off if we wiped it. Is that it, Puff? You’ve got yourself a crush on one of us?” Draco continued to torment her. “You faked a soulmate mark?”

Pansy Parkinson reached over to grab her wrist, pulling her sleeve up revealing the snake mark on her left wrist, one that- for the last few years, she loved. A mark that grew to become her favourite part about it- a mark she never imagined would cause her so much trouble on her first day of wizard school.

Y/N flinched to pull her wrist back with no luck, and just as the girl reached up to try and smear her mark away, another hand snatched ahold of it.

Y/N did not want to cause a scene like this, but as she looked up, she saw Justin. “Y’know Parkinson, I can’t help but notice your blank wrist, so I hardly think you’re in a place to judge, You too, Malfoy! You wanna pick on her? Let’s see yours!” Justin spat at the group of kids harassing his friend. He let go of Pansy’s wrist and Pansy let go of Y/N’s. They were silent, all holding a face of distaste for the Hufflepuff boy’s confrontation. “That’s what I thought, you lot are pathetic.”

“As if any of us would be soulmates with a mudblood Hufflepuff” Draco added, trying to get the last word in.

Y/N closed her eyes and shot him a death glare. Y/N didn’t even know about this soulmate business until 24 hours ago. And she certainly couldn’t deal with the teasing from the other kids. She wonders if her soulmate would get this much flack for having a Hufflepuff badger where her Slytherin snake was. She pushed the thought of, whoever they were, out of her mind.

“I don’t want anything to do you or your housemates, Malfoy. And if my soulmate is anything like you? I don’t want anything to do with them either.” Y/N mouthed off, stepping away from him and grabbing the parchment, storming out of the greenhouse.

She didn’t know where she was going or what she would tell Professor Sprout, but she couldn’t think about that as she held her wrist in her hand and the tears flew out of her eyes freely.

She turned the corner and bumped into a taller figure. She looked up at him and through her blurred vision, she could hardly make out his features.

“Woah, are you alright?” the boy asked, grabbing her by the sides of her shoulders as if to steady her.

She noted that his voice was soft and soothing as she scrambled to look anywhere but his eyes. She didn’t want anyone to see the mess she was on her very first day.

She tried to nod so he would let her go when she saw that he wasn’t wearing this black cloak- reminding her that her’s were still in the greenhouses. Due to its absence, she was able to catch a glimpse of the elegant wristwatch on his left wrist. Duly noting that he was most likely using it to cover his own mark.

She looked up at him and while her tears still blocks her vision- she could see his curly brunette hair and his sparkling silver and dark green tie. Her grip on her own wrist tightened, she couldn’t take anymore tormenting from the members of Slytherin house about her snake mark.

“I’m fine. I’m fine. Let me past” Her voice was small and shaking, “Please” she pleaded at the boy and he nodded lightly, letting go of her shoulders and stepping out of her way- allowing her to all but run down the corridor.

And she couldn’t help but notice the way the skin beneath her sweater burned with the absence of his touch.

———

Adrian couldn’t get the girl’s small voice out of his mind.

She sounded so upset, so broken down- so devastated.

It wasn’t unusual for the students of Hogwarts to run into first year’s in a crisis during the beginning of the school year. Actually, it was quite common. But there was something about this first year.

Normally, Adrian liked being by the greenhouses. The air was refreshing and although sometimes he’d rather just- take a walk outside, it was a nice alternative when the ladder wasn’t an option.

He had a free first period before his first day of third-year transfiguration. He wasn’t nervous, he quite liked transfiguration- as he was good at it as well! He still couldn’t get his mind off the quidditch tryouts. He knew the fourth years had Herbology next slot, so part of him was hoping he would run into Flint. So when he collided with a young Hufflepuff instead- he was surprised. He was even more surprised when a protective instinct washed over him when he took in her distraught appearance.

It bothered him in the back of his mind all day.

After that, however, he went back to stressing about try-outs and forgot all about it. That’s why a month later, during his first quidditch match as a Slytherin chaser against Hufflepuff- he didn’t think to search the crowd for her.

He didn’t think about her then, he didn’t think about her when Slytherin won the Quidditch Cup at the end of the year, he didn’t think about her all summer long. He didn’t think about her then, and he wasn’t thinking about her now.

Well, that was only partly true. Really, Adrian thought about her every day- he just didn’t know it was her he was thinking about, daydreaming about.

He was surprised when his friends hadn’t told anyone about his Hufflepuff soulmate. He thought they would use it as easy teasing material. They were actually happy for him. Maybe it was because they saw how badly he wanted it, even if he never admitted it.

It never occurred to him how easily he could find her. They went to the same school, he knew her house and her year- but he just, never thought to seek her out.

It wasn’t until after a match against Hufflepuff in his fourth year that it clicked in his mind.

The team was sitting in the common room after that evening’s losing game. It had been just over a year since the Hufflepuff badger appeared on his wrist and he did a very good job keeping it a secret. The only people that knew were his dormmates.

“Do any of you guys have your soulmate marks?” the young seeker asked. Adrian couldn’t remember his name, just that his father bought them all brand new broomsticks to secure his spot on the house team, kicking his friend- Terence, to the curb as result.

He was taken aback, as was the rest of the team. It was rather uncommon to bring the subject up in a social setting. It was normally deemed, private or intimate- some would even say taboo. It’s normal to be spoken among friends, and maybe that’s what the blonde boy thought was happening, but their captain breaking the awkward silence is what snapped Adrian out of his thoughts.

“I know a few of us do, why do you ask, Malfoy?” Flint spoke.

“I just am nervous about it. I haven’t gotten mine and I’m worried” Draco admitted, trying to sound nonchalant about it.

“You just gotta be patient, mate. That’s all” Adrian decided to chime in, making a few of his housemates turn their heads.

“Is there something you wanna tell us, Pucey?” Flint teased lightly. Adrian scrunched his nose and shook his head, leaning back on his chair- trying to conceal a small smile. “Did Cry-Baby-I’m-Never-Gonna-Find-My-Soulmate Pucey finally get his mark?” he continued, his face playing a wide grin.

Adrian didn’t say anything, but allowed his smile to grow, shrugging his shoulders. Adrian Pucey and Marcus Flint grew to be quite good friends. The Slytherin captain was a year older than Adrian but after he joined the quidditch team, the pair found that they got on well.

“And you didn’t tell us!” Flint shouted, clapping his friend on the back- much like Cassius, Miles, Graham and Terence did after last year’s sorting ceremony.

“It happened ages ago! I didn’t think it mattered!” Adrian laughed along with the rest of the team who were now also cheering.

“You mean it didn’t just happen? How long’ve you had it?” another boy from the team asked.

“I got it last year, I guess she’s a second-year now,” he trailed off, the boys all slowly turning their heads in the direction of Draco Malfoy- the Slytherin team’s second-year seeker.

“Don’t look at me! I only talk to the Slytherins in my year! Never mind do I know any of the other’s soulmate marks” he defended against the older kids. “Do you have a Slytherin mark?” he asked Adrian with his eyebrows raised. Adrian gave him a mocking snarl in response.

“Nevermind what my mark is” he brushed the boy off. A normal response. Most people didn’t discuss what their marks were so freely. That’s why it wasn’t uncommon for students to wear something on their left wrist to cover it up.

“Well then sorry, I can’t help you” Draco shrugged. Adrian resisted the urge to roll his eyes. He didn’t mean to make it a big deal amongst his teammates, and he definitely didn’t want the help from their kid-seeker.

“C’mon Malfoy, you see these kids every day in your classes. You can’t think of anyone?” Miles urged from the other side of the sofa they sat on. Draco huffed and thought about it for a moment.

“Well, last year there was a Hufflepuff girl with a Slytherin mark in my herbology class? I just made fun of her and told her that none of us would ever be soulmates with a Puff.” Draco laughed, recalling back to that day in herbology.

“That was stupid” Adrian found himself saying before he could stop.

Draco smiled mischievously. “Have you got yourself a badger mark, Pucey?”

“I didn’t say that, and it doesn’t matter. So I suggest you watch your mouth, Malfoy. Point is, is you’re stupid. Has it ever occurred to you that none of this matters once we graduate? What, you’re gonna push your soulmate aside because they were sorted into a different house than you at school when you were 11? You do realize how that sounds, right?” Adrian didn’t mean to snap at the boy like that, but he did- and the team was silent.

“Well, you’re right, Pucey. It doesn’t matter. Because if I recall correctly, she said something along the lines of ‘she doesn’t want anything to do with Slytherin house and if her soulmate was anything like me, she didn’t want anything to do with them either’” Draco said with a shrug.

“Good thing none of us are as nasty as you, then” Miles butted in, trying to back up his friend; knowing fully well that the girl Malfoy was talking about was more-than-likely his friend’s soulmate. Miles stood to his feet, along with Graham and Adrian- who all made their way back to their dorm where Cassius and Terance were doing potions homework.

“She’s a mudblood, anyways! Are you a blood traitor, Pucey?” Draco called after him, growing nervous when he noticed that none of his teammates found this as amusing as he did.

He thought back to the crying girl outside the greenhouses he bumped into that day.

Adrian didn’t turn back to look at him, nor did his two friends. Draco was left unsatisfied with how the interaction ended.

“I’m sorry that you don’t understand the significance of these marks” Marcus started to speak once Adrian was out of earshot. He pulled down his own sleeve, along with the Flint family crest cuff he wore- revealing his Gryffindor lion mark for the boy to see. “One day, you will. Or maybe you won’t- I don’t care. But, that girl? From your first-year herbology class? She has that snake etched into her skin forever, that makes her one of us. No matter who’s soulmate she is, she’s one of us.” he continued to scold the blonde boy. “And I hope you know, it would be so easy for me to give Higgs his position as Seeker back.” Flint finished, walking away and leaving Draco alone in the common room.

———

Y/N was cautious about her snake mark after that day. She had her friends swear not to tell anyone, not that it mattered anymore. She remembered how the boy she ran into that day wore a wristwatch, perfectly placed to hide where his mark would lay.

She never realized how hard it would be to always be worrying about it showing. After spending her entire first year worrying about it- she decided it was time to ask her parents for a wristwatch of her own.

She explored the ideas of cuffs or bracelets, but the watch seemed to be the most normal solution she could find.

It was light brown with gold details, and the band was just the perfect size to hide her small mark.

And for a while that was it. She meant what she said, and after her unpleasant exchange with Draco in her first ever class at Hogwarts-she held a strong distaste for the members of Slytherin house.

Maybe Ron was right, even if he was speaking with a pre-existing prejudice.

So, as a result- Y/N never actively tried to seek her Slytherin soulmate out.

She wondered, of course. She thought about it very often. When she should be listening to a lesson, or writing an essay. When she would lay in bed as Susan, Megan, Leanne and Hannah could be heard sleeping around her.

Y/N remembered the day her father noticed her snake mark. The last weekend of her summer vacation before she started her fourth year of primary school, 1989. Just two years before she started at Hogwarts herself.

Meaning whoever they were, they were a slytherin- two years above her. She could probably figure out who he was. She even started to try once- before she realized just how many boys were in that year- that she could find. Of course her soulmate was in one of Hogwart’s biggest classes. She didn't try to find him for very long.

She sat in the library with her friends. A few of them sporting a green ‘Potter Stinks’ badge. Y/N opted against it.

She and Harry remained decently good friends over the years. He and Ron were the first people she had met in this life and she always made it a point to keep in contact with them. It was surprisingly easy- considering how busy they always find themselves to be. Hufflepuff and Gryffindor had a few classes together a term and it made it simple for them.

And she wanted to support her house! To support Cedric, she really did! But she wouldn't step all over her friend or his name in order to do so. She couldn't sway her housemates to agree with her though.

She's made it abundantly clear to Harry, since his name was shot out of the Goblet of Fire at the beginning of the year, that she was on his side. He seemed to be appreciative.

She had gotten along with Cedric as well, over the years. She wouldn't say they're friends by any means, but they were friendly. Cedric often helped the younger girl with her homework in the common room. She would cheer him on at Quidditch games and he would thank her for it later.

She noted that he was two grades above her, meaning he was in the same year as the Slytherin student with her Hufflepuff badger on their left wrist. She thought about asking him about it, but always decided against it.

Y/N carried a heavy weight of worry on her shoulders after it was announced that there was an age limit on the Triwizard Tournament. It meant that there was a chance that her mysterious Slytherin soulmate could put their name forth. She felt bad when she was relieved Cedric was chosen instead.

“Y/N?” she heard her name being called. She hadn't even noticed she had been staring at the same page in her book for so long, long enough that one of her friends noticed. She hummed in response, seeing it was Justin who called out for her.

“Are you alright?” he asked, getting the attention of a few of their friends who were sitting with them.

“Yeah, I'm okay. I was just thinking” she assured him with a smile.

“You should just try and find him again” Hannah chimed in, knowing what her friend was thinking about. Y/N looked over at her with an annoyed look on her face. Not so much at Hannah, just with the fact that all her friends keep egging her to try and find him. Y/N is starting to think they want to know who her soulmate is more than she does.

“I don't think it’s worth the effort to seek him out. If we really are soulmates, we’ll find each other eventually” y/n told her for what seemed like the thousandth time.

“Oh, That is such a load of-“ Ernie started before Susan elbowed him in the ribcage. He groaned in pain and tried to soothe the sharp ache with the palm of his hand. “Sorry, Y/N”

Y/N found her friends' interactions amusing. She found joy in watching her friend’s find their soulmates.

The 8 Hufflepuffs decided together one night at the beginning of their fourth year, that they would all sit in a circle and show each other their marks.

Out of the 8 of them, 4 of them had Hufflepuff badgers. All of them appeared the day of their own sorting ceremony, meaning they had 2 pairs of soulmates between them.

Those pairs ended up being Susan and Ernie, and Megan and Leanne.

It was quite funny watching them try and figure it out. It was a little awkward at first but after a few weeks- it was as if everything was as it was supposed to be. Which- in hindsight, it was.

The remaining 4 Hufflepuffs didn’t have such luck. Hannah had no idea who her Gryffindor soulmate could be, they knew it was someone in their year- but none of them piqued Hannah’s interest. “Oh well,” she remembers Hannah saying- “it’ll all fall into place sooner or later.”

Justin and Wayne both had a Ravenclaw eagle mark, Justin’s didn’t come in until their second year- and he hasn’t done much to try and find her either.

And as they all knew, Y/N’s mark was a Slytherin snake.

After the group of Hufflepuff friends shared their most intimate marks with each other, their bond felt stronger than before.

“He probably knows who you are,” Justin said, nonchalantly.

Y/N’s eyes narrowed at the boy. “What do you mean?”

“What? You haven’t thought about it? I mean, he knows your year, he knows your house? It wouldn’t take a genius to figure it out!” Justin continued

“Hey! I know his year and his house! and I don’t know who he is” she tried to defend herself.

“Oh, that’s because you don’t bother to try and figure it out! You could if you wanted to. I mean how many of the sixth year Slytherin’s have a Hufflepuff mark? You’d think that news’d spread quickly” the boy continued. “He probably keeps it hidden. Loads of people do it. With cuffs, or bracelets or-“

“A wrist watch” she said quietly, more to herself than to anyone sitting at the table with her. thinking back to the boy she crashed into, the boy who gave her the idea of hiding her mark with a wrist watch.

Was it such a long shot to think that she could’ve run into her soulmate that day?

“Think about it, Y/N. Whoever he is, he graduates next year. You’ve only got so much time before you really will have to leave it up to fate. The time to take matters into your own hands is ticking”

Yup, Y/N thought. Her friends definitely wanted to know who her soulmate was more than she did.

———

Y/N Y/L/N.

Her name was Y/N Y/L/N and she was a fourth year in Hufflepuff.

She was a muggleborn, fourth year in Hufflepuff.

After that day in the Slytherin common room, after Draco told him about his altercation with a Hufflepuff girl in his year with a Slytherin mark- how could he not seek her out?

It wasn’t hard either. There were only 8 Hufflepuffs that were sorted that year. Five girls and three boys. And only 2 of them were Muggleborns. A boy and a girl.

If it weren’t for Draco’s tip that it was a Hufflepuff girl with the Slytherin mark, he didn’t know how he would’ve narrowed it down between the two. It didn’t matter to him either way.

So, yeah- it didn’t take him long at all.

The only problem was, 2 years later- he might as well have been in the same position as he was before. Because he was no closer to her than when his wrist was blank.

He waited so long for this, but when he figured it out- he didn’t know what to do.

Which is why he was now in his sixth year, without her by his side.

There was no Quidditch this year, due to the tournament, how was he to keep busy? He wasn’t old enough to submit his name in the Goblet- he wouldn’t turn 17 until after Christmas. Even if he could, he’s not sure he would want to.

Maybe Cedric knew her? Adrian wouldn’t say they were friends. They were potions partners last year? That made them, at least acquaintances, right? He could ask Cedric about her, and he’s sure Cedric would do him this favour. But Adrian could never bring himself to ask Cedric about her. He couldn’t even know that the boy would know her anyways.

Adrian thought back to when the Chamber of Secrets was opened and all the attacks on muggleborns started happening two years ago. He walked around terrified, everyday.

Every time there was word that a muggleborn had been petrified, his stomach would drop. He couldn’t focus on anything until he was sure it wasn’t her.

It had only been a few weeks of him knowing at that point, he wanted to reach out to her. But what would he say? ‘Hi. You don’t know me but I’m Adrian and we are meant to spend the rest of our lives together!’?

No, that wouldn’t work.

He thought about introducing himself whenever he saw her in the library, or in the great halls.

He found himself starting to search for her face in the crowd at games. He would be disappointed when she wasn’t there- although, what other reason would she have to come to any of Slytherin’s matches other than the ones against Hufflepuff?

He did see her at their games against Gryffindor a few times. That’s when he was drawn to the conclusion that she must be friends with Harry Potter- Gryffindor’s seeker. Which meant she must be friends with Ron Weasley- the twins’ younger brother. And Adrian just so happened to be wonderful friends with the two tall redheads.

Maybe they knew her?

There were so many ways they were tied together, yet Adrian could not- for the life of him, find a viable reason to talk to her. There were so many ways they could run into each other but Adrian was growing tired of waiting for it to happen naturally. He didn’t even want to think about how they would meet, had he not found out who she was. How long he would’ve had to wait.

Adrian didn't even want to think about what she would say if she ever found out that he’s known it was her all this time and never did anything about it.

He told his friends that he found her a few weeks after he did. He wasn’t going to tell them at first. But with the attacks that year, he needed someone to talk to about it.

Ever since they had been begging him to do something already.

“You’ve been waiting for this for years! Now she’s right in front of you and you’re not doing anything about it?” He recalls Cassius scolding him like a child one day.

He couldn’t argue with that, but he also couldn’t bring himself to go up to her. No matter how many times they assured him it was fine, no matter how many times he told himself he could do it. He couldn’t.

To say he was surprised that his friends were so accepting of her was an understatement. He didn’t know what his parents would think, and quite frankly- he didn’t care. They would cross that bridge when they got to it, and no matter what, they would do it together. Adrian never did tell his friends this, but he was so thankful for them.

“Mister Pucey! Miss Y/L/N! The library has been closed for 15 minutes!” Madam Pince called.

Adrian froze at the mention of their names in the same sentence.

He looked around and sure enough, they were the only two in the library. He looked over at her and saw her gathering her things.

“I apologize, Madam Pince. Time must’ve gotten away from me” she said sheepishly, sending the- normally unpleasant woman, the softest smile he’s ever seen.

“Y-yeah, sorry. I just, I don’t know what happened ” Adrian stuttered, trying not to gain the attention from the Hufflepuff girl. And failing.

“Hey, are you alright?” she asked him from a few tables away. He looked at her with wide eyes and shook his head.

She quirked her eyebrow at him, “What’s wrong?” she asked, pulling her bag over her shoulder and making her way towards him.

“I mean, Yes. Sorry. Yes, I'm fine, ``Adrian nodded, it’s a miracle that he didn’t stutter this time. She was so nice. How was she so nice? Neither of them were in uniform, maybe she wouldn’t have been so nice to him had she known he sported green and silver.

‘C’mon, Adrian’ he thought ‘Pull yourself together.’

The girl pulled her left arm up to check the time on her watch.

”Well,” she began, giving him a friendly smile, “It’s only quarter past eight, we probably haven’t missed out on all the good stuff in the great hall. You want to walk with me?” she offered.

Y/N didn’t know why she was being so nice. Normally she would’ve just given him an awkward smile and left the library when Madam Pince asked her to.

“You’re wearing a watch,” Adrian stated, his mouth moving faster for his brain to catch up.

She nodded. She was a little confused at how flustered the boy seamed, but decided to ignore it. She began to stack his books before Madam Pince could have the chance to yell at them again. He watched her and gently took the books from her when she moved to hand them to him.

“Yeah, I started wearing it in my second year after I saw a boy wearing-“ she began to tell him the story, when she caught a glimpse of the watch Adrian was wearing as he moved to shove his books in his bag. The watch that’s been burned into her memory since the day she saw it. The watch belonging to the brunette boy in the Slytherin uniform outside the greenhouses.

He saw her eyes glued to his wristwatch and held his arm up to show her. “Oh, this? Yeah I started wearing mine in my second year as well. Actually I wore a cuff at first, then my parents got me this for Christmas, so I switched” he rambled on- growing embarrassed at his ability to speak to her so freely.

Their feet seemed to be glued to where they stood on the floor- because if they could peel their eyes away from each other, they would see that all of Adrian’s belongings were cleared from the table, but neither of them moved to leave. If Madam Pince came out of the back room and saw they were still standing in the library, they would be in for it. But, for some reason- neither of them could bring themselves to care.

She looked up at him and saw the same curly brown hair she saw that day. Sure, her vision was obstructed when she saw it for the first time, but she would swear up and down that it was the same boy.

“Hey, you’re on the quidditch team, right?” she asked him, trying to change the subject before she lost her mind.

She knew him. Of course she knew him. He was Adrian Pucey, he was 2 years above her and he was in Slytherin. He was one of the boys she came across when she decided to try and find out who her soulmate was.

“Yeah, yeah. I'm a chaser, my name's Adrian.” he smiled at her, reaching his hand out for her to shake. His nerves seemed to be dying off, he grew more confident as he realized talking to her was the easiest thing he’s ever done.

“I’m Y/N” she said, taking his hand into hers and when she pulled away- with the absence of his touch, she felt the same burning sensation she felt that day when he let go of her shoulders.

It was him, she was sure of it.

It was her, he knew it.

Which is why he didn’t feel crazy about what he was about to do.

“Y/N. I think I need to show you something. And I really hope this is going to go the way I think it will” he told her with a nervous smile. Y/N would actually say it was much more nervous than it was a smile.

So much for his nerves dying off.

She nodded along, wanting to see what he would do.

Adrian put his bag down on the table, praying the Hogwarts librarian wouldn’t come in and interrupt them.

He brought his fingers to the clasp of his wrist watch, fumbling to pull it apart. Maybe it was because his hands were shaking, or maybe because he hadn’t taken it off outside his dorm in 4 years. Maybe it felt like he was struggling with it longer than he actually was.

But when it finally became undone, and he pulled it off- he clutched the watch in his opposite hand. He heard her breath hitch.

She dropped her bag to the floor and her hand flew to the clasp of her watch as well. If Adrian was questioning if his hands were shaking, Y/N was certain that her’s were.

The metal details on her watch were much smaller than the ones on Adrian’s. He watched her with a small smile before deciding to put her out of her misery and bring his hands up to helped her.

His hands, now as still as a brain surgeon’s- easily unclasped the fastenings apart and he pulled it away, revealing her Slytherin snake mark for him to see.

He brought his left wrist up to press next to her’s. A snake and a badger. Just like them.

Y/N felt her eyes well up in tears slightly. It wasn’t enough for anything to spill out- and she felt silly about it but when she tilted her head up to look at him, his eyes were the same.

They broke out into a fit of giggles together.

“Well, Adrian. The universe says we’re meant to be together. What do you say we find out why?” she asked, reaching down to grab her bag.

He found himself nodding eagerly. “I’m starving. Can we eat at the Hufflepuff table? The blokes from Durmstrang do not spare anything at the dinner table”

Y/N laughed as they finally moved to leave the library. Her eyes twinkled as she looked up at him in awe- she couldn’t remember the last time she felt so- whole.

“Definitely, but if you ever run into that problem- you should know I’m quite close with Pax the House Elf in the kitchens, and she has fixed me something to eat on more than one occasion.” Y/N nudged Adrian with her shoulder.

“I mean, does she have a choice?” Adrian asked with a teasing smile.

“I don’t think so, but I've already convinced myself that we are friends, and I am not willing to move on the topic”

They turned into the great hall and took their seats on the end of the Hufflepuff table, ways away from anyone else. It was near the end of dinner being served- so there weren't many people around.

Both of their wristwatches laid on the table in between them, their soulmate marks they went through so much to hide, now on full display.

Adrian caught the eye of Terence sitting at the Slytherin table- he looked confused at first, before his face broke into the widest smile Adrian had ever seen. Adrian rolled his eyes playfully at his friend and pulled his attention back to the girl in front of him.

If there was one thing he was sure of, it was that he couldn’t wait to spend the rest of forever learning every way their souls were one.

And she felt exactly the same way.

———

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[thatoneidiotdts]

Sleeping (+morning routine) headcanons for some genshin boys

A/n: hello ladies and gentlemen I'm happy to announce that I may be back now that my life has decided to stop throwing endless shit at me. Now I also write for genshin so feel free to send asks in my inbox!!

Warnings: nightmares for xiao, favoritism in diluc's part, purposeful misspelling and slander in C*ilde's part,overall tooth rotting fluff

Zhong li

Sleeps like a rock (pun intended)

This man will not wake up unless there is an emergency

No matter how much noise you make or whatever is going on around him he'll stay there laying in bed completely silent

His breathing is so quiet you think he's dead half the time if not for his endless sleep talking

And you can actually have full on conversations with him while he's asleep

Also he sleeps in a solider position which leaves you to cling on him like a koala on a big ass tree

Sleeps in really soft bamboo pyjamas that you bought for him

Zhong li will only wake up at exactly 7:30 am no matter if it's a week day or a weekend/ his day off

He also doesn't stay in bed for more than 10 minutes unless as stated before its his day off and you aren't awake yet

The man will stay there taking in the sunshine rays from the window as he's looking at your peaceful face

After an hour or two hell rub your back and gently wake you up with forehead kisses while softly calling your name

When you finally wake up you usually start with the morning hygiene and whatnot

Also he will ask you if you want to take a morning bath together but absolutely respects you decision if you won't and you don't need to even give him a reason you declined in the first place but will make sure you know he loves you no matter what

After that he will sit down with you and drink tea and have breakfast with you for the next two hours

It's the only reason he wakes up so early

T̵̻̦̥͌͝e̸̟̗̮̮͌a̷̙͕͉̿̍͝

After that he goes to do his usual shift at the wangsheng funeral parlor

Venti

Menace to society

He either sleeps sprawled out in a starfish position with his arm and leg over your body or in a fetal position with his face buried in your breasts/chest

He usually sleeps in your clothes or in his everyday clothes

His little snores are super cute tho

Venti's snoring isn't super loud, it's actually really quiet but still there

Since he's a bard he stays at the Angel's share until it closes which is usually very late into the night so he sleeps until like 2pm

He isn't a heavy sleeper so you usually accidentally wake him up if you have some errands to run early in the morning

Venti will cling to you and pretend that he's asleep so that you can stay in bed with him

After like 20 minutes of this he finally let's you go and makes you promise him that you'll be back quickly

When you returned to your shared house from doing commissions you found him still sleeping in the bed so you quietly took a shower and snuggled in with him for another hour or two

After he finally wakes up for real this time he has breakfast lunch with you and goes off to Angel's share but not before giving you a thousand kisses

Kaeya

He's sleep schedule is ON POINT

He always gets back from Angel's share at exactly 1:00am, showers, eats and does his skin care routine and gets in bed around 1:30am

He also wakes up at exactly 9am but stays in bed until ten

He trashes through the night, he also talks in his sleep but it really weird and it's mostly things that are in English but you can't understand them at all

Kaeya is also a blanket snatcher and will snatch your blanket if you aren't holding it tightly

I feel like he also sleeps with socks on but has a few special pairs of socks that have some cute patterns that he would rather be caught working with the fatui by his own brother than wear them outside once

Also sleeps in silk pyjamas, doesn't care if the cotton ones are easier to breathe through, he likes the feeling of silk on his skin

Kaeya loves his personal space and he doesn't like to be touched while he sleeps but makes up for it when he's awake but still in bed

The only exception is when it's cold outside, I headcannon he's naturally cold and he doesn't like it at all

His morning routine is 90% of him taking care of his face and showering

His skincare routine is also more expensive than some people's houses so don't touch his products plz

Kaeya will gladly teach you the basics of skin care and will buy you your own products that thinks will suit your skin better

He's also almost late to work every day so every day you see him put on his shoes calmly, take in a deep breath and then he kisses you goodbye and runs off like a mad man in order to get to the headquarters on time

Diluc

He has so much unprocessed trauma I would be surprised is sleep schedule is anything but a mess

Diluc doesn't sleep a lot, he would have a normal sleep schedule but since he has a lot of stuff to do all the time it stops him from sleeping property

Not only does he work as a bartender at Angel's share when Charles can't he also works as the Mondstat's one and only Dark Night Hero

He usually comes home around 4 or 5 am and will only sleep until like 8 and you will have to force him to have a nap in the afternoon

Also he sleeps in his everyday clothing and he's sometimes too tired to even take his coat off

Diluc sleeps on his stomach which causes him to have back and neck problems but it's the only way he can actually fall asleep

He's a really light sleeper which also adds up to his sleeping problem

Also he snores loudly, like really loudly, and he only snores at night for some weird reason

You discovered that because one day you accidentally woke up at like 6 am and you couldn't fall back asleep because of his loud snoring but you didn't dare to move since you knew how little rest he gets

He's not a morning person at all, if he didn't hate alcohol, he would be the person that chugs half a bottle of vodka in the morning just to keep him awake

Diluc usually starts his morning off with some personal hygiene and then starts doing the endless paperwork without even having breakfast or anything to drink

So out will have to force him to eat and drink so that he doesn't pass out from work

On the rare days he doesn't have any work to do he usually sleeps them off to make up for the time he didn't sleep

Albedo

Chalk boy over here also has a terrible sleep schedule

He's not really forcing himself to stay up but rather doesn't realize how late it is

You will have to pull him out of his work in order for him to go to sleep

Albedo has a special pair of pyjamas that he wears when he's sleeping and he only wears them because for his last birthday Klee has given him a pair of pyjamas that were originally grey but she hand painted them herself with the help of Jean and Lisa and he's been sleeping in them ever since

And when i say every day I mean every day

But don't worry he hand washes them every two days and takes special care of them in order to not wash of the fabric paint

His snores are also really quiet and quite cute, I recommend commenting on that if you wanna see him blush ^-^

Albedo usually sleeps on his stomach but unlike Diluc he is small enough to not crush you under his weight so he usually sleeps with his head on your stomach or buried in your neck

Pease touch his hair he melts when you do

Albedo can sleep for a looonng time if you don't wake him up so he relies on you to wake him up or else he'll spend the next 16 hours in bed sleeping without a care in the wold

When he wake up he does his usual morning routine, which is usually a quick shower, breakfast, brushing his teeth and his hair out, and then goes off to work

He will absolutely make you have a nap with him in the afternoon or whenever he feels tired

Xiao

He doesn't sleep much, hell I don't this man sleeps at all sometimes

Adepti don't really require sleep or food like normal humans do

It took a lot of time for him to trust you enough to sleep besides him

Xiao doesn't feel safe while sleeping at all, he also fears that his karmic dept might take affect on you so he keeps his distance for quite some time

For the first month or two he would wear his normal every day clothes but then you gift him a cute plain green onesie and at first he straight up refused to put 'that thing' on but he gave in and hasn't sleep in anything else since

At first he would be the big spoon so that he can protect you from any harm but when you spooned him for the first time he felt so safe and warm he never wanted to let go of that feeling ever again

After that he would ask you under his breath if you could spoon him more often, you barely understood what he was saying but perfectly understood what he wanted and needed.

He also regularly has nightmares which causes him to trash around and maybe whack you in the face once or twice but you're quick to calm him down

Xiao never really realized that he was hurting you until he gently hugged you and you winced because he accidentally touched the small mark he left the previous night after having another nightmare

Doesn't touch you or sleep with you for a week after that, he already hurt you enough but you don't really care so you coaxed him into sleeping with you again very easily since he missed your warmth a lot

He doesn't really have a morning routine but he does wake up every morning before you so that he can teleport to the Huaguang Stone Forest to pick some Qingxin flowers for you

He's also gets back into your arms right before you wake up so that it seems like he never left in the first place

But you always notice the new fresh bouquet of the beautiful white flower on your desk and thank him for it

T*rtaglia

Listen here ok I'mma be real with y'all

Turbulence sleeps exactly one hour less than normal people but makes it seem like he gets like 2 hours of sleep per night

"Ugh I didn't sleep last night at all😩😏" Like bro stfu

He also makes jokes about sleeping so little because he was with you last night or that he was training so hard or doing a mountain of paper work

While you know damn well he was with you entire night sleeping like a baby right by your side

He sleeps naked solely so that one day when a hypothetical intruder gets into your home he can scare them off by yelling at them while being completely naked 💀

But he will put a pair of pyjamas on if you're uncomfortable

He mostly sleeps on his side because he needs to hold something while he's sleeping, if you aren't with him that night he will hug your pillow and sleep like that

Tagliatelle also doesn't like to sleep when in a cold room so he will have one of those water bottles that people use for back pain and will put one in the pillow he's holding and two in the blanket itself

He's totally a morning person and has no problem with getting out of the bed in less than like 10 minutes unless you ask him not to

If he has a day off he won't sleep in that much but he will curl up beside you and 'accidentally' place his head on your boobs/chest

Y'all saying Terrorism is the caring older brother? WRONG he's the forgotten middle child. we ofc know about Tonia, Anthon and Teucer but he also has two older brothers and at least one older sister

I feel like he's the middle child that had to take all the responsibilities when the older three/four moved out

So yeah he can make a damn fine breakfast for you without skipping a beat

But don't let me even start on his personal hygiene

Like shower are fine ok and he baths once a week only because he can but like

I know damn well his back teeth are ROTTING

He only uses mouthwash and brushes the front and bottom part of the teeth so that they look presentable meanwhile his back teeth got their souls sucked out

Moving on from that Tellurium can't really spend the whole morning with you so he will have to leave you late in the morning.

Coffee? :>