#and I often '''misgender'''' MYSELF affectionately

[troonwolf]

I think some people perceive my username as misgendering myself and I find that really weird because one, it’s a joke. directed at me specifically, it’s my username, no one is forced to wear my username lol. I can’t “misgender myself”, I AM myself- what does that even mean?

second of all if a trans person tells you (even in a joking/reclaimed sort of manner) “I am okay with being called x and referred to as y”, they’re not misgendering themselves. they’ve literally just told you how to gender them. just because it would make you uncomfortable doesn’t mean it’s making them uncomfortable. it’s obviously not making me uncomfortable.

it’s also funny how people are like “pronouns don’t have gender” until a trans man reveals he’s comfortable with non-typical gendered language

[talkingteardrop]

some of my headcanons for my fav people for a bit more info on my main au

firey: Bi-polyamorous, in a relationship with Leafy and Flower Leafy: Pan-polyamorous, in a relationship with Firey and Flower, has adopted Rocky Flower: bi-poly, trans, leans towards women more, in a relationship with Firey and Leafy Rocky: Has arms in his human form, occasionally speaks a word or two Firey Jr: Leafy and fireys son from da futuree Lollipop: Les-poly, styles hair for money, owns a shop/restaurant with Gelatin and Flower, has adopted Gelatin in a relationship with Pencil and Match Pencil: Les-poly, makes fun of fanny just to make her sad (will expand when i get to fanny), in a relationship with Match and Lollipop Match: les-poly, likes dying peoples hair, in relationship with pencil and lolli Gelatin: aroace bc he thinks love is gross, 11, adopted by Lollipop, literally chaos incarnate TD: Straight, has a thought translation headband made by GB, in relationship with Woody Woody: Straight, can still be a scaredy-cat/affectionate, dating TD, doesnt like children Book: Lesbian, a lil bit of a nerd, has a crush on pillow Pillow: Lesbian, bffs with Fanny, knows book likes her and teases her often (holding hands, leaning in her, etc) GB: Straight, has arms in her human form, sometimes invents random things when shes bored, daring TB TB: Bi, has arms as a human, once had a crush on SB, helps GB with inventing things, dating GB Remote: Lesbian, loves rhythm games, comforts Fanny during her breakdowns and often lets fanny fall asleep on her, has a crush on Liy Bubble: Confused in her sexuality, constantly debating if she should leave her alliance, oblivious to fannys crush on her Fanny: Lesbian, has arms as a human, hides her insecurities with hate and anger (she has vitiligo and thinks it makes her ugly), has a BIIIIG crush on Bubble but denies it Tree: Gay and trans, Leafys older brother, Very protective over leafy, disapproves of Firey, dating Black Hole Black Hole: Bisexual, has a tree hairclip, clingy asf, dating tree Four: wtf do you call a genderless dating a genderless???, hates two, protective over X, dating X X: same as Four, bffs with all the other algebraliens, mentally 10/affectionate, dating Four Two: Aroace, B r i t i s h, hates Four (kinda), loves to use his powers to toss X around Winner: bi, hates being misgendered, protective over Taggy and Profily, dating Loser (hidden relationship) Loser: Pan, had abusive parents, ran from home at 7, has bandages on his one arm for two reasons, 1: to match Winners missing arm, 2: to hide scars from abuse, scared of yelling, dating Winner (hidden relationship) Pin: bi, had a crush on leafy, extremely sarcastic at times, dating Coiny Coiny: bi (thinks hes Straight), dumb*ss. Actually on good terms with firey, dating Pin Profily: Aroace, friends with almost everyone, still doesn’t like leafy Taggy: Aroace, loves making the >:3 face, bffs with the other nb contestants Six: AGAIN TF YOU CALL A GENDERLESS DATING A GENDERLESS-, always tired bc of Nine, just wants sleep, dating Nine Nine: not gonna repeat myself, loves doing kickflips to show off, obnoxious, dating Six Cake: Trans, shy, had a huge crush on loser, dating pie Pie: Trans, pretty chill most of the time, will get pissed if someone hurts cake, dating came

[avese23]

A reminder that it as a pronoun has been used between white people respectfully for a very long time. In Romeo and Juliet (Early Modern English) the Nurse (a servant) calls Juliet (the daughter of a Lady) “it” in a way that is read as affectionate or familiar (being used towards a child) and is not derogatory. Just like they is not new, it isn’t either. If you meet enough queer people you’re going to find all sorts who use it/its

Another friendly reminder that “it” and “they” are not created (or rather, conditioned) equally. While the equivalent of “it” in other languages is near synonymous to the singular they (especially in languages such as my ancestral one which lacks gendered pronouns all together because pre colonization was a different brighter time) in English it is a loaded term. Language matters, context matters. Words aren’t just words, anyone who has been on the receiving end of harassment rooted in bigotry knows this. People often associate the stigma around “it” with the dehumanization of trans people (as it is often used in that way. Has been, still is) and therefore as a queer person see no harm reclaiming it because it’s *their* oppression right? However dehumanization is, shocker, not limited to white queer people. The word “it” has been used to dehumanize black and brown people for generations.

So while there’s nothing inherently wrong with using the it/its series, or using it for your friends, it does not hold the same connotation as other pronouns. And expecting other people to incorporate it into their vocabulary as if referring to people as “it” had no history besides queer people is insensitive, even if that wasn’t the intent.

Some queer people love it/it’s, heck I’m mutuals with many qpoc who use the pronoun series. But humans aren’t a monolith so it’s important to be careful when using “it’s” or neos that words carry meaning and words and gender are seperate social constructs so be careful jumping to conclusions about people’s boundaries. I am proudly queer and use the word and no one can stop me from identifying myself or my friends who use it as such. But I’m not going to force someone who has trauma around the term to call me queer even if it’s the best term to describe my identity. Because boundaries aren’t the same thing as misgendering. Someone refusing to use “it” is not the same as someone refusing to use “they” a term that is not dehumanizing to anyone.

Hope this helped. It’s not a simple topic and it requires empathy from both sides.

TLDR; using it/it’s is totally valid! Not feeling comfortable using a word with a loaded history, also a valid boundary! Ask the person respectfully if there’s an alternative set to use instead because not everyone uses “they.” Or don’t use pronouns for that person at all, just use their name.

non-it/its users need to get their shit together fr

[sweetiepie1990]

(part 1)hi there! im a different anon than the other but i have a couple questions if u dont mind my asking? the first is that I've started seeing people use latinx more than latin@, and im wondering if there's a specific reason u use the latter? just curious. also,, as someone who's been questioning my gender lately but who has struggled to find a way to discuss this w my family, i was wondering if u had any advice, or would share some of ur experience? i come from a mexican-american family....

I’m assuming there’s a part two but I haven’t gotten it yet. But sit down, take a load off. Some asshole wouldn’t stop trolling me earlier. Which means I’m fired up and ready to talk.

They both mean the same thing. Literally the only difference is preference. But I prefer the arroba (the @ symbol) because it can look like a lot of different variations of o and a at once (so it covers a lot of diff gender identities). Honestly, it’s nothing too new. I remember around 2012 around here, a lot of people where using the term Latin (pronounced like the first two syllables of latino). People are constantly constructing and reconstructing words to make new and better meanings.

Fuck anyone who tells you that Latino is gender neutral and the “correct grammar”. It implies the default is male/masculine. That’s like writing white as the default skin tone–it’s bigoted, narrow minded, and utter bullshit. Plus, if most Spanish words to describe emerging technology are basically borrowed from English, saying LatinX or Latin@ will not destroy the language.

See? I’m worked up. Sorry.

Talking with your family is rough, I get it. It’s terrifying no matter how accepting they may be of other trans people. First? I learned early on that my mom constantly misgenders everyone. She doesn’t even mean to but English is her second language and her default is third person singular in Spanish (which in a way is gender neutral because it’s “he/she/it/they”). She calls my cis sister he more often than she and she still hasn’t completely gotten used to using they/them pronouns for me.

Sometimes it feels like I’m making excuses for her? But I also see her struggling to stop herself and think about pronouns. It’s not a lot, but it’s a start. (I had to explain to her the other day that a trans man can totally be gay. It’s a process…Honestly, I didn’t know being enby was a thing until my best friend came out to me. I didn’t get it for the longest time, but I kept quiet and was supportive for them and I’m really glad I did. It’s tough being trans when there’s little to no representation out there.) That being said, you’re under no obligation to put in that emotional labor, especially if you’re still figuring out who you are.

When I came out as bi, my mom asked if I was sure. We basically had a conversation where she tried to nicely talk me out of it. It hurt like a fucking bitch. We didn’t talk about it again until after everything that happened with my ex. She believed me after that. And I think ever since then, if I tell her something about myself she does her best to listen and try to understand. Which isn’t ideal how we got here but I’m glad she’s like this now.

(I know a few other Latin@s whose parents came around eventually because they were clueless their kids came out. It seems to be a trait that Latin@ countries don’t talk about queer identities nearly as much as they should)

Ummm, tips? Start by talking a little more generally, and throw in a bit about racism if that’s a discussion they’re more responsive to. For me, gender in US culture is weird. They’re not as physically affectionate, cis women are really limited by body types, cis men by their height. How fucking Eurocentric the beauty industry here, I think, makes it really hard to be a POC and to be cis.

In general, if you frame it as “I want to feel more [gender assigned at birth]” I find that Latin@ parents are more responsive to that. They open up more about their experiences and (hopefully) you can engage them in some really meaningful discussions. Maybe you can turn their viewpoints totally upside down.

I’m a big advocate for “getting your family on a similar page before you open up to them”. But I also know how isolating that can feel. I’d say figure out who can be in your corner and work your way up to coming out to who you can trust.

Hope this helps