#and I just don’t fully understand how people who are older than me even

[viperify]

Smutmas 2024 | ᴛᴏᴍ ʀɪᴅᴅʟᴇ x ʀᴏꜱɪᴇʀ ꜰ!ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ

I Appreciate You.

Short summary: After some persuasion, Tom joins you for Christmas dinner. Only then he finds out your parents haven’t exactly treated you well and seizes the opportunity to show you what it means to be truly appreciated.

Warnings: nothing, just fluff (for now…)

A/N: I have entered a bad case of writing block halfway through this, so I cut it short. I AM SORRY. I’ll take a day or two off and write a pt 2☹️

wordcount: 1,6k

Tom and you have been friends for a while – or rather study accomplices, as he would call it. Though lately, you have grown closer. Oddly close, at least if you knew Riddle, who wasn’t one to interact with others unless it served a purpose. You have known that from the beginning, so it never really appeared to you why he would be different towards you exactly – but you weren’t going to complain about someone tutoring you after all – someone who was equally as smart as pretty.

“You forgot pearl dust.” he sighs in disappointment, not looking up as he fidgets with his quill. “Tom it’s been two hours, my head is a mess. Let’s take a break?”

His gaze flicks from his quill to your eyes and stares at you briefly before speaking up. “I don’t take breaks. If you want me to keep being generous enough to help you, you do it my way.”

That’s how it goes every single time. You don’t argue against it – you just do what he says. The desperation to become better at Potions is greater than your ego after all and you have also come to notice it is better not to talk back to him. The last time you did, he wouldn’t even speak to you for two weeks after.

Tom clears his throat and you return your focus to the present. “It’s been an unnecessarily long time since you have started staring at me. Focus on your textbook.”

“Right, right! Sorry.” Your cheeks heat up and you repeat the brewing process from the beginning.

After what feels like an eternity, he is satisfied – as much as he could be. Tom obviously is never fully satisfied, always has something to criticize that you didn’t do right, something he says you would need to work on the next time you two meet to study.

There was always going to be a next time.

As you two pack up, you see house elves working on the Christmas decorations just outside the library, putting up a pine tree and some red and golden ornaments. It’s the Thursday before winter break, and you would soon go home to spend the time with your family. They have told you to bring a friend, though all of them have declined so far. You would just go alone. Until – well, you think about Tom.

“Uh, I actually have one more question.” You start, turning to face him. He raises his eyebrows expectantly signalling you to continue. “Soooo, I have been wanting to ask you whether you wanted to join me for Christmas dinner at home. My parents have asked me to bring someone along.”

“We aren’t friends. Besides that, I don’t celebrate Christmas.”

That’s exactly the answer you assumed he’d give, but you weren’t going to give up that easily. Your family has been talking about him often lately, about the Gaunt family, purebloods just like you. All the things they say you don’t understand anyway. It’s been like that since you were born, they always favoured your older brother over you. You have stopped arguing against it.

“Come on, Tom! It’s just a dinner, one evening. I know you don’t usually leave Hogwarts for Christmas break, I just wanted to give you the opportunity to meet my parents. They have been talking about you.”

He contemplates for a moment then. He is aware that his family, at least his mother’s side, has caught people’s attention. Apparently also the Rosiers’. Rosier family, part of the Sacred Twenty-Eight. It would only be to his benefit to get to know them personally. And he hated admitting it, but lately - he has found himself strangely intrigued by you. A smart girl, who wouldn’t normally need his tutoring, not if he didn’t tell you to come back every week for another lesson.

“I suppose I will think about it. If I decide for it, I will join you at the train station.”

Your lips curl into a bright smile. “Thank you, Tommy! You are the best.”

He sighs. “How often have I told you to stop calling me that?”

“Sorry, sorry! I am just super excited to introduce you. They have been pestering me with questions about your mother’s family.”

You swear you see a slight spark in his eyes at the mention of his mother, though his usual stern expression returns just a second later. “Have a good evening.” he replies and leaves you behind at the library without saying another word.

-

There has not been a single sign of Tom when you board the train. Secretly you have hoped he would come and join you, though as soon as you leave the station you find yourself at peace with the fact you’d be going home alone for the break. The scenery shifts as you look out of the window, a thick layer of snow covering the otherwise green Scottish Highlands. You see deer scavenging for any grass they can find, scraping at the frozen ground with their hooves, the nearby hares’ white winter fur blending in perfectly with the scenery.

There aren’t too many students in your wagon, meaning you get to have a compartment all for yourself. Just like normally, your eyes grow tired, voices around you turning into a blur, and you fall asleep.

It wasn’t long until someone clearing their throat, taking a seat next to you woke you again. “So, what’s for dinner?” he asks, and you turn to face him.

Your face lights up at the sight of the person in front of you. “Tom! I am so happy you decided to come along!”

“I suppose it’s a welcome opportunity to connect with another renowned family.” he replies, and you nod, though slightly disappointed. “Of course.”

The rest of the journey, both of you don’t speak much. It’s a weird energy between you, something you don’t quite recognize. You are glad – as glad as you could be, knowing your family awaits you just outside – when the train arrives at your station. Both of you get off, and your mother’s and father’s faces light up at the sight of, not you, but Tom. They greet him first, ask him how the journey has been.

It’s only when you arrive at home that they ask you to help prepare dinner while Tom’s being shown around the manor. Even at dinner they won’t let him be and you wonder whether it was a good decision to bring him home with you.

In a moment of silence, your mother first looks at you, then at him. A smile forms on her face, something you only rarely get to see and you wonder what may be behind it.

“We are so glad you have decided to join us. Our daughter really couldn’t have chosen a better boyfriend.”

Oh.

You feel your heart drop in your chest at her words. They must have misunderstood the situation. Your cheeks heat up and you see Tom’s face changing into one of confusion.

Trying to save the evening, you quickly try to explain. “No it’s- we are not-“

“I am pleased to hear I am meeting your expectations.”

Tom’s words cut you off, and for a moment you aren’t sure whether you have heard him correctly. You blink a few times and shoot him a confused look, and he smiles at you.

Smiles.

You nod quickly, lowering your gaze onto the plate in front of you as you feel your cheeks heat up. For the rest of the evening, you don’t say much, even when you all gather around the Christmas tree. They ask questions about your relationship, which only Tom answers. He sits next to you and as the night progresses, his hand wanders up your lower back, snaking around your waist. You visibly shiver at his touch but decide to play along.

As soon as everyone has excused themselves to bed, you move away a little, escaping his grip. “Tom, I am sorry, they must have completely misunderstood.”

He shakes his head. “Don’t apologize.”

“No really I-“

“Sshhh.” he whispers, his face inching closer to yours then, capturing you in a tender kiss. His hand rests on the back of your head, softly pressing you against him. You inhale deeply as you break apart, your eyes trailing up from his lips to his eyes. It’s only the candles on the Christmas tree that shine a dim light on both of your forms, yet you are able to make out the changed look on his face.

“We shouldn’t.” you murmur, shaking your head.

“I see the way you look at me in the library. And you perfectly know why I want to keep meeting you. Yet both of us are too stubborn to admit it.”

Though you hate to admit it, he’s right.

“I just didn’t think you would like someone like me.”

Tom huffs. “You never acknowledge your worth, and I suspect that is what your parents have taught you. They don’t see your potential. They diminish your achievements. Why do you let them?” he asks, and you rest your head on his shoulder.

“I have stopped caring a long while ago. You know how it is.”

Tom doesn’t reply after that, though his hand continues running up and down your back soothingly. You stay like this for a while, until he slowly turns his head, facing you.

“I will show them what it means to appreciate you.”

His voice is low and controlled as his face is a mere inch away from yours, his breath warm on your skin.

“I will show you what it means to be appreciated.”

[imruination]

There are very few pieces of media that speak to me on what I can only describe as on a spiritual level, and one of those is Shadow and Bone, written by Leigh Bardugo. Don’t get me wrong, I adore Six of Crows and I think it’s an important story that needed to be told for so many reasons, but there’s something so special to me about the simplicity of Shadow and Bone.

When something is simple, it has to be done well. Yes, Shadow and Bone is on its surface a good vs. evil story which we have seen in media time and time again. I think what stands out to me about it is ironically why so many people call it (or specific things about it) “boring.” There are a lot of important themes, but my favorite is the emphasis that is put on the power of being “ordinary.”

I was 15 when the first book came out, and I read them as they were released. I spent a lot of my childhood reading fantasy books because escaping into them made me feel special, in a world where I felt at once completely ordinary and like a total outcast. This feeling only got worse as a teen, as I would spend a lot of my classes, and even my lunch period reading these books. I understand that this is a feeling that a lot, if not all teens feel. I am not special even in my isolation. I spent so much of my time pretending I had some incredible hidden but innate magical powers.

Shadow and Bone was incredible to me for the very reason why I constantly see it being criticized by my peers and even my friends. The idea of “power” being seductive, while also inherently being corrupt, and fueling the class system and poverty that the entire population is living under, (but Alina as the protagonist is being exposed to a lot of it’s worsts) is something the reader is constantly being reminded of.

Alina is put in a very unique situation by being a girl who holds incredible power as a grisha, but was not raised in that knowledge. To her, the power was suddenly thrust upon her, which made it a lot easier to eventually see the flaws in the entire system. So to read about this protagonist my own age, who had the option of power, was tempted by even more of it in the darkling and the amplifiers- and to give it all up in the end was mind blowing to me.

Alina goes from despising her upbringing and general hardship, to ultimately embracing the simplicity of it. Alina is THE Main character™️ and she ends up as a powerless orphan, in love with another powerless orphan she’s known her entire life. In the realm of all my fantasy books I’d been reading, there was nothing “special” about that. And yet, in it’s difference there was.

Alina’s privilege in making her own choices was special. Her choice to not be controlled by the pillars of power around her. Her choice to embrace her upbringing, and help those who will grow up the way she did. Her choice to accept the love she had had her entire life, that although was not seductive and dangerous, was reliable and enduring and all the more powerful for being that.

It is really surreal and almost funny to see it being criticized for these things now. You think Alina and Mal are boring? Well so did they. And then they grew up and learned better. This is the first book that I can think of in hindsight, that made me wonder if I actually did have this very ordinary but incredible power in myself. I have the privilege of making my own choices. I have the power to love others, and isn’t that incredible? From a person who has now grown up and gained some perspective for myself… Thank you Leigh.

[five-thousand-loaves-of-bread]

my frustration with “going nonverbal/nonspeaking” (as a fully nonverbal person)

transcript: my frustration with “going nonverbal/nonspeaking” (as a fully nonverbal person)

this written for instagram because of this post. but thought tumblr may like it too. “you” means general you, no one specific.

the instagram post and this on wordpress

this disclaimer is for instagram but also for anyone new to this discussion:

in full honestly, don’t know how to write this. am tired, language and complex ideas too much at time of writing, and general exhaust at having to argue same thing over and over again and justify own existence. tired of being minority within minority, wish there are others to do these work for me so i don’t have to do it all by self, singlehandedly advocate for everyone (not to mention problem with that—i can’t speak for everyone).

so honestly, if you don’t have anything nice to say, especially if you speaking (yes, even if you lose speech. include you), just don't say anything at all. move on.

online actually autistic community (AAut) dominated by white, lower support needs. level 1, speaking, late diagnosed, high masking autistics. find people like you is great, what not great is you treat your very narrow community as “voice of all autistic” and your experience as ultimate autistic experience. i write plenty about that, many more elaborate than this, if you not familiar with this concept.

many people in this community experience times when cannot speak, sometimes because overwhelm, shutdown, dissociate, or anxiety (situational mutism), but do not struggle with act of speaking rest of time (some struggle with speech all the time but still can speak - more on that later). the community call “going nonverbal/nonspeaking,” or even “when i am nonverbal nonspeaking” (not talking about those nonverbal as child and verbal now older), after clinical term “nonverbal” (nonverbal autism) and term coined by apraxic nonspeaking autistics “nonspeaking.”

both of which talk about it as an “all the time” experience.

when i search nonverbal or nonspeaking because i want community too, want see people like me too, two category i see: 1) parents of nonverbal nonspeaking children, whom can’t relate to because age, who can’t write own experience because their age and developmental ability. and 2) overwhelming amount of speaking autistic talk about going nonverbal going nonspeaking.

and the very very few fully nonverbal nonspeaking voices. drowned out. cannot find anyone.

nonverbal used to be term to describe us, people who can’t speak or cannot functionally speak beyond few words. medical term, alright, so some of us don’t like. so some of us reject that and create term all of our own, called nonspeaking. created by nonspeaking autistics with severe apraxia and brain body disconnect, describe their own experience of able to think in words able to spell out words (with great dedication and work and support), just cannot do that with mouth. their term. they create.

and you take it? without knowing context? without reading anything by those same nonspeaking coiners?

when is last time you purposely seek out nonverbal nonspeaking voices? when is last time you accidentally came across us? can you name any nonverbal nonspeaking advocate that talk about their experiences? one? two? three? a BIPOC person, a (specifically) Black person? a Black woman? a trans person? a physically disabled person? a person not from western world?

same narrative over and over. “i can speak for nonverbal autistic i understand their experience because i am autistic i can’t talk sometimes” no you cannot. as someone who was able to speak when young who lose speech (”go nonverbal”) but now have no speech to lose because full time nonverbal. no the experience not the same. not comparable. you gain it back. i don’t. you can explain with mouth words what happen when you get out. i can’t, i only have AAC. countless nonverbal nonspeaking people without AAC or sign cannot, at all. you never experience daily small and big struggle of casually being nonverbal all the time.

your experience of lose speech unique from my nonverbal. but if you so insist to compare and equate, you only guest to my experience, my daily life.

“when i go nonverbal and no one understand so have to force to speak” i cannot force words out. know you don’t mean to say this, and not saying you at fault for this, but nevertheless accidental perpetuate and reinforce idea that anyone who don’t speak can just be forced to speak if try hard enough. but often not how it works. and this exact harmful rhetoric devoid and delays nonverbal nonspeaking people given access to AAC, because “need try to force words out first, AAC unnatural so last resort.”

this may be new concept for you. new concept to instagram, to tiktok. to other places. it may seem i only one with this problem, “i once saw a nonspeaking person’s account and they don’t have problem.”

yeah, because we are not monolith. some nonverbal nonspeaking people don’t care. some nonverbal nonspeaking people may even welcome “go nonverbal nonspeaking” or “when i am nonverbal nonspeaking.”

but don’t be fooled into believe i only one. have many nonverbal/nonspeaking and/or higher support needs friends on tumblr, who talk about this who have been saying this for years. *years*. years before i joined. i am not creator, i only bring message here, because many of us are too high support needs too disabled to do anything else. many of us only stay on our small corner of tumblr because it most peaceful, because at least some listen, because least hostile, because need to defend our experience against our own community the least. (but it happens less doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen, we still exhausted.) many of us only stay on our small corner of tumblr because that all we can handle, or because we not allowed or shouldn’t be on other social media because age or abilities or both.

i cannot handle conflict i do not do well and i shouldn’t be here. but if not me, who else? if i don’t do it, who else is going to?

some nonverbal nonspeaking people and parents of them may question, why you start debate about useless term when so many nonverbal nonspeaking people don’t even have access to communicate, real problems. to that i say i do those work too. and to that i say this is real problem too, because am autistic so online actually autistic community should also be my space too but it not. but it hostile. because am lonely because seeing yourself so crucial because don’t know anyone in person like me don’t have any friends in person like me, so i go online to find people like me and i cannot because no own term to search and what used to be term many people without similar experience insist they understand and can speak for me because they say we have similar experience. because this aloneness and the unique difficulty from being full time nonverbal and the struggle of future and the unique mistreatment from both outside but also inside community have drove me over edge many times and it is presence and knowing their presence of my tumblr nonverbal nonspeaking / higher support needs friends that gave me hope to stay. because so many people don’t listen and instead speak over. terminology only a symptom of problem. address roots, sure, but part of address roots is address symptoms.

‘well nonverbal people are never around” maybe it because you don’t make it welcome for us to join.

“fully nonverbal rare anyway” estimated 30% of us nonverbal nonspeaking, which this statistic probably only count those nonverbal since birth. even more are minimally speaking or without full functional communication, abilities limited to requests. sure, 30% still not majority. but significant amount never the less. speaking lower support needs autistic without intellectual disability not majority anyway too but your experience still deserve heard. ours too.

“see less nonverbal people because they don't have ability to communicate and use social media” yes, many nonverbal nonspeaking people not given access to communication (like AAC), forced to live in silence (because body language communication not enough alone!). silence from birth to teenage years, to adulthood, even until they die. some cannot understand social media or AAC because intellectual disability or cognitive ability. some not allowed on there because safety, some not allowed on because presumed incompetent and abused. all true. do you advocate for them too? or is it just talking point against me, pretend you care?

but not all of us, we exist. some of us thankfully supportive parents all along, parents given resources, us given resources, so we access to AAC since beginning. some of us became nonverbal later in life (which not same experience as those early in life, i acknowledge). some of us after years of forced silence, finally given access to AAC and can now communicate and advocate! some of us on social media - do you listen?

but you see none of us in your community anyway. maybe one token person.

you can go nonverbal. i cannot go verbal. see difference? you can come close to my experience, but i never will have (future) ability to go to yours.

it frustrate that have to specify am nonverbal **all the time** when write this, because if don’t do that will be assumed otherwise. frustrate that when in neurodivergent space stranger see me AAC they assume i can speak because they only know part time users (know part time users frustrate too because people assume they cannot speak and get surprised when they do. me being assumed automatic part time is not fault of part time AAC users.)

even been told am privileged to be nonverbal nonspeaking, privilege over speaking autistic who lose speech because in their mind it mean i get all support i need i get all recognition get all the representation. which. couldn’t be farther from truth.

all that. is fraction of reason i frustrate at “going nonverbal nonspeaking” and “when i was nonverbal nonspeaking.”

so many other words. lose speech. intermittent speech.

just want have own sub community where can find people similar experience.

[myinterestsvary-writes]

there’s so much little things in the manga the anime omitted, partly to add more comedy and also TamaHaru scenes which didn’t do much for me in isolation and actually actively harmed the narrative and ship imo (*cough* last two episodes in particular) and this is literally the main reason why I want the entire manga to be adapted in a reboot

From Volume #8

[leviathans-watching]

copping a feel of the older brothers

includes: lucfier, mammon, levi x gn!reader (no pronouns mentioned)

wc: .6k | rated t | m.list

warnings: though it's alright with the boys and they even find it funny/enjoy it/etc. this could possibly read as harassment so if that's something you're sensitive to...

a/n: this is with an already established relationship with them btw!! do not go around doing this to people you know!! my inbox is open to chat, leave feedback, and req, so come stop by!

please please please reblog

lucifer always seems to have a sixth sense for when you’re feeling down, no matter how serious the situation is.

���it’s just not fair!” you insist emotionally. “i mean, he was my favorite character. and he died!”

lucifer, bless him, doesn’t always know what to do with that sixth sense. “that must be…difficult. um, do you want me to get levi? i’m sure he’d understand your…plight…better than i would.”

“no, it’s fine,” you say, pouting only slightly. “i’m sorry, i must be bothering you.”

“no, no,” lucifer quickly disagrees. “look, would a hug make you feel better?”

a hug? now, that was rare for him to offer! but you jump on the chance, nodding pitifully. his arms wrap around you then, warm and strong, and you press your cheek to his collarbone.

“is this better?” he asks, and you nod against him, pressing your hands to his back. his broad and muscular back, you notice, and fully taking advantage of the situation, you run your hands across the muscles, digging into them lightly.

lucifer coughs slightly, pulling back. “are you quite finished feeling me up?” he asks pointedly, but there’s a sparkle of amusement in his eyes.

“honestly? not yet,” you say, and his sigh is long-suffering, but he lets you continue mapping the expanse of his back, even as his ears turn slightly red.

mammon moves quickly, catching you before you fall. “hey, be careful! i don’t need a human splatter stain at the bottom of the stairs.”

“thanks,” you say, gripping his arm. “that was a close one!”

“and that’s why you need to pay attention, idiot,” he scowls.

“i don’t really need to, not if you’re always here to save me,” you say slyly, giving his biceps a nice squeeze. dang, he’s packing some surprising muscle there!

“well,” mammon says, as his chest fulls up with pride, “i know i’m great and all, but i won’t always be there. and hey, stop that!” he swats your hand away form his arm, and you grin.

“sorry, sorry, i was just impressed by your muscles.”

his brows raise and his ego swells. “oh, well, in that case,” he says with a booming laugh, holding his arm out to you. “feel all you want! i’m the great mammon, after all! it should only be expected that i come with great, impressive muscles too!”

levi shakes you, trying to wake you up.

“five more minutes,” you groan, not even opening your eyes, and he frowns.

“you were the one who told me to wake you.”

“that wasn’t me,” you deny. “that was evil me. evil me who ahtes current me. five more minutes.”

“no, you’ve got to get up now,” levi continues, and is stopped by your hand landing blindly on his face, covering his mouth.

“shhh,” you insist, and he sits there, frozen, as your hand moves down from his mouth, to his neck and collarbone. fingers ghosting over this adam’s apple, you stroke his skin, making him flush, and seriously, what kind of dreams are you having now to be making that face?!?

with a great deal of effort, levi moves your hand from where it’s traveling dangerously close to his chest and shakes you hard. “get up!” he says, quickly, and this time it works.

“huh? oh, levi. thanks for waking me,” you say, stretching. “why is your face all red? did something happen?”

“n-no!” he almost shouts, taking a few steps back. “will you just get out of bed?”

“i’m coming, i’m coming,” you say, pushing the covers back. “man, i was having a great dream, too!”

leviathans-watching's work - please do noto copy, repost, or claim as your own

[srjlvr]

SEVEN ROYALTIES

“once upon a time there was a prince, who did anything he could to be with the love of his life” — park sunghoon.

park sunghoon x fem!reader genre: childhood friends to enemies to lovers , one sided love somewhere into the story , heavy angst , fluff ! warnings: character’s death (not a main character) , curse words. (lmk if i missed something pls!) || NOT FULLY PROOFREAD!!

WORD-COUNT ; 5.5K+

NOTE. wow i dont even know where to start! it’s been a real while! i think like more than a month, i’m extremely sorry for being gone, school is so stressful, but i got some time to write now and honestly? i missed it so much!! hopefully you’d like this part and don’t let it fool you, just because i’ve been gone for a while doesn’t mean i’m not continuing this wonderful series!! it was also supposed to be enemies to lovers but i honestly failed miserably and idk how to define it- some mentions of sunoo’s story are dropped here too :)

“why do you always look at me like that?”

“like what?”

“like i’m the most precious thing you’ve ever saw”

a few years into your childhood and you were already been told that you’re going to marry off to someone as soon as possible.

you, being the second princess and the least favorite one, had to deal with a lot of struggles through your childhood.

everyone loved your older sister more, praised her, cherished her, spoiled her, gave her whatever she wants.

you, on the other hand, had to work hard in terms of getting what you wanted.

you always looked up to your older sister, you can’t lie, you definitely understand why she’s getting all the attention to herself without even trying.

your mom is your favorite person, she’s actually your best friend.

some kids have hard time deciding what to answer when they’re being asked who’s their favorite parent, but you definitely know the answer already.

it’s your dad that never bats an eye to you, your mom however always tries to maintain her attention to both you and your sister. you’d do anything for your mom.

as much as you’re happy that you’re at least not a second option in your mom’s perspective, the king is the one who’s more dominant.

you’ve always tried to get your father’s attention, even for a mere second, but he always pushed you away, making you feel unworthy and sad.

at age six, you were forced to go with your mom to one of her friend’s kingdom, your neighbor kingdom.

everyone in royalty knows about the good friendship your kingdoms have, and they’re all surprised it still keeps on going.

royalty comes with a dangerous risk, people will always look at anything you do, and will not hesitate to attack if you happened to do something they’re not a fond of.

your kingdom suffered lots of wars, but won almost all of them.

at the very same day you were forced to go with your mom, you also met the person who finally had all their attention on you, the person who you could rely on no matter when.

“i’m y/n!” you extended your hand out with a smile.

“i’m sunghoon” he whispered and you tilt your head. he wasn’t shaking your hand and you couldn’t even hear him.

“what?”

“i’m sunghoon”

“i cant hear you!!” you shout and put your ear really close to his mouth.

“i’m sunghoon!” he shouted into your ear and you fell down while holding your ear.

“you did that on purpose didn’t you!” you pout and he laughed.

that’s when you realized his cute smile and the little dimples that grew on his cheeks.

he was cute, a cute and shy prince, you could get along perfectly with him.

and you actually did. you spent the rest of your visit just roaming around their castle.

he introduced you his six brothers, they were all very nice and funny, but only sunghoon interested you.

he told you about his interests and you told him about yours.

“i want to learn how to skate!” he said and you noticed his eyes growing in excitement while talking about it.

“it sounds really interesting!” you smiled and cheered him.

“what about you?”

“i actually don’t know” you sighed, “i want my father to pay more attention to me”

“who needs your father when you have me? i’ll be always here for you” he smiled.

“really?” you asked and he nodded, “really”

“promise me!” you held out your pinky and he locked his with yours, “i think promises are stupid, but only for you i promise to never leave you side”

“why are they stupid?”

“because sometimes you regret them, or even forget them, and you cant keep them forever”

growing up with sunghoon was something you could never explain.

having to suffer your father’s comparisons between you and your sister was something, but having to see sunghoon going through puberty was something else. scarier indeed.

the both of you were inseparable, to the point where your parents even started talking about marriage between the two of you when you were twelve.

every now and then in your teenage years, you’d come around his castle, your second home.

whenever you were pissed off with your father or just wanted some quiet, you’d find yourself going back to sunghoon, only he knew how to make you feel ten times better.

“what are you reading?” he asked you.

you were laying your head on his lap as he sat under a tree, it was a peaceful day and you wanted to enjoy some time with him.

“just some fairytale stories” you put your book on your stomach and looked at him who was already looking down at you.

“wishing it was you?” he teased.

you rolled your eyes and smacked the book on his head, “fairytales are the best!”

you returned to read the book while he kept staring at you.

“read for me” he asked and you looked at him, sharing an eye contact.

“hey”

“hm?”

“why do you always look at me like that?”

“like what?”

“like i’m the most precious thing you’ve ever saw”

sunghoon coughed a bit and looked away, “just start reading please, im interested”

“the princess then took the prince’s hand and held it tightly, slowly closing the gap between them and leaning in for a kiss—“

“never mind! i’ll just go sleep” sunghoon threw you off him and laid down next to you.

“you could’ve done that nicely!” you scoffed and he laughed.

he can’t explain it, but something about you makes him feel warm and comfortable. he loves your company more than anything else in this world and there’s nothing he loves more than staring at your gorgeous face.

spending a few years together made him long for you more and more every day that he’s not next to you.

he fell in love with you, and he fell hard.

you weren’t better either, every day without sunghoon for you felt like eternity.

he’s the only person you can see your future with, the only person who loves you for who you are and the only person that has his full attention on you.

you trust him more than you trust yourself and you family members.

on royal events, you’d be acting like a married couple, shooing away the singles royals that wants to catch you.

you belong to sunghoon and sunghoon belongs to you.

“it’s nice to meet you prince sunghoon” one filthy princess introduced herself to sunghoon while you stood by his side, holding his arm.

“likewise, meet my wife, y/n” he said, clearly uninterested in the princess but as soon as he looked over his side and met your eyes a smile formed on his face.

the princess scoffed and went away, finally letting you and sunghoon laugh it off.

“did you see the way she looked at you when you said you have a wife?” you held a hand over your chest, out of breath because of the amount of air you let out.

“please, it was so funny i’ll remember it for long” he nodded and you continued making jokes about everyone around you.

you shared your first kiss with sunghoon when you were fifteen.

“i love cherry blossoms” you said as you walked together with sunghoon under the cherry blossoms.

it was one of your favorite things to do with him, walking through the long road, hand in hand.

“and i love you” he let out.

“what?”

“what?” he repeated after you.

“what did you sa-“

he cut you off with a kiss, your first kiss.

cherry blossoms fell from the trees and the wind caressed your skin.

his lips were soft, locked with your lips. it was perfect, the kind of fairytale you were always wishing you could have finally came true, with the person you loved the most.

when you parted your lips to get some air, both of you giggled and he put his forehead against yours.

“i said i love you” he smiled.

“i love you too”

regardless of the sudden confession, you decided to stay as friends, and when the both of you will feel ready, you’d try it out.

at age sixteen, your mother’s condition started to go downhill. she got sick and had to take medical exams every now and then, ever since then, you decided to spend time with her as much as you could.

“good morning mom! how are you feeling today?” you asked with a huge smile on your face when you saw your mother.

“feeling as usual, nothing new” she gave you a weak smile, “have you eaten yet?”

you shook your head, “i was at the garden after father had his daily complains over me, i needed to take some breathes”

your mother nodded and hugged you, “i’m sorry your father is like that, if being a selfish father was a competition he’d definitely win”

both of you giggled and spent a few hours together.

you never told sunghoon anything about your mother’s condition, every time he’d ask about her well-beings you’d say she’s doing well but she’s too busy with duties, and he’d suspect nothing.

at the age seventeen, your mother’s condition worsened, she had doctors around her all the time.

“hello mother” you smiled.

“y/n! good morning” she tried to smile back.

“how are you—“

“i must ask you something before it’s too late” she cut you off.

“what is it?”

“i’ve been thinking about it for a while, and it might be silly and selfish of me to ask you to do that” she sighed, “please promise me you’re going to marry sunghoon”

“what?” you asked confused.

“he’s treating you well y/n, i don’t think i’ve ever seen you happier than when you’re with him. you’re perfect for each other” she nodded, “i don’t have much time left, hearing you promising you’d marry the man who makes you the happiest, would help me leave peacefully, to know that you’re going to live the life you deserve”

“i promise mom, i promise i’ll marry him but please, you have much time left, don’t say such nonsense!”

your mother hugged you and thanked you. guess it wasn’t so well-hidden that you were in love with sunghoon.

on one of the days your father called you. before walking inside his room you rolled your eyes, what kind of a complain he has now?

“hello father” you looked at him coldly.

“y/n,” he called, “i need to ask you to do something”

“huh?” you looked over him confused, “you never ask me for favors”

“your sister is too busy with her duties, so i trust you with this one” he shortly explained.

“okay,” you nodded, “what is it?”

“i need you to come with me to visit the other neighbor kingdom—“

“but we were never on good terms with them, they’re hybe’s kingdom biggest rivals too!” you cut him off.

“they’re the only ones that can help us with your mother’s condition. we must do anything we can to help her” your father sighed, “they have a son who’s interested in you, they requested to see you too”

you shook your head, “i’m not interested in him—“

“this is the only way to help your mother!” he shout and you backed away.

“what about hybe kingdom! can’t they help in any kind of way?” you argued.

your father shook his head, “they can’t do anything about it, and they must not know about your mother’s condition”

“so going to the rival kingdom and risking your good friendship is better?”

“you’re coming with me and it’s final”

a few days before your visit in your neighbor kingdom, sunghoon came over.

before he went to search for you, he heard two servants talking about something that drawn him to it.

“did you hear about y/n’s mother’s condition?” one of them said.

“it keeps on getting worse, poor y/n! i heard she has to go to the other kingdom to ask for their help together with the king” the other replied.

“i heard they’re the only ones that could help! hybe kingdom knows nothing about it because they don’t want to bother them too much, i also heard the son of the other kingdom is interested in y/n, what about prince sunghoon!”

“poor them, i just hope she won’t end up with their son. i was rooting for y/n and sunghoon endgame”

“agree, i also heard their daughter is interested in sunghoon! this is risky” she shook her head.

“y/n is strong, she won’t marry the son i just know it” they both nodded their heads and sunghoon slowly walked back.

he refuses to believe what he just heard. y/n’s mother’s condition worsens? y/n marrying someone else? he’ll never let that happen.

“sunghoon!” you called and hugged him, “i was searching for you instead of you searching for me”

sunghoon was not responding, he was too deep in thoughts and didn’t know how to stop them.

“sunghoon?” you waved your heads in front of him and he finally came back on track.

“i was just thinking about something” he smiled.

“would you like to talk about it?” you smiled warmly at him.

how could you smile so widely when youre going through all of this?

“it’s not something that should bother you” he smiled and kissed your cheeks.

you spent the rest of the day looking out for sunghoon, he was different today, as much as he didn’t want to show it, you noticed.

the next day sunghoon found himself standing in front of his biggest rival kingdom. he never thought he’d have to step his leg into this kingdom, but he’d do anything for you as long as he could.

“park sunghoon! i’ve never thought i’d witness a hybe royal inside my kingdom!” the king teased.

sunghoon closed his eyes and clenched his jaw, “i need your help and you’re the only one that can help me” he said firmly.

“we’re rivals, why would i want to help you?”

“because i have something you want” he sighed, “i’ll be getting my kingdom sooner or later, i’ll give it to you together with my crown”

“you’ll lose your crown for something possibly stupid?”

“i need you to help princess y/n’s kingdom. the queen’s condition is getting worse. i heard you gave the best doctors that can help her”

the king laughed, “you’re doing this for y/n and not for yourself? what a stupid prince you are!”

sunghoon looked away, fighting the urge not to stab the king and fight him.

“very well, i will help in exchange of your crown”

their agreement was that the king will send his best doctors to help your mother, and as soon as sunghoon will get his crown, he’ll give it to the king. if one of them breaks the agreement, it’s off.

a few days passed, and it was supposed to be your visit day in the other kingdom, except that it got canceled.

“did you tell anyone about this visit?!” your father shout at you and you shook your head.

“how come he sent me this stupid letter saying that if we step into his kingdom he’ll declare a war!”

“i don’t know! i did nothing!” you argued.

“something stopped him, more like someone! i’m going to find out who did this!” your father roamed outside his room, slamming the door harshly and you flinched.

a week passed and your mother’s condition wasn’t doing any better, the doctors told you it was already time to say goodbye but you refused to do so, you refuse to believe you won’t be able to see your mother everyday soon.

everything was too overwhelming and stressful, you decided to go to your second home, you needed some comfort and it’s been a while since you saw sunghoon anyway.

“what are you up to?” you found him in the castle’s garden, deep in thoughts.

“just thinking about something”

“by something you mean me?” you teased and he smiled, not answering your question because the answer is quite obvious.

you then hugged him tightly, and sighed deeply as you rest your forehead on his shoulder.

“is everything okay?” he caressed your back slowly.

“my mom isn’t doing well lately” you finally confessed. you had to let it all out and tell sunghoon the truth.

“she’s sick, too sick. and the last week was such a roller coaster, her condition isn’t getting better and it’s our time to say our final goodbyes, i’m not ready for that sunghoon” you sobbed, “i’m sorry for dumping it all on you and telling you all of this now when it’s late i just—“

“it’s okay” even though he already knew about your mother’s condition, he was so glad that you finally opened it up and told him, “i’m here for you”

he held you tighter than before and whispered sweet comfort words that always knew how to calm you down.

right after you left he thought about what happened.

he made a deal with the other kingdom, the king was supposed to help your mother, how come her condition worsened? something didn’t make sense to him at all.

“sunghoon!” his father called him and sunghoon rushed to the king’s room.

“yes father?”

“you’re getting married to our biggest rivals daughter and didn’t even tell us? are you out of your mind?” he shout.

sunghoon could’ve swore that in that moment his heart stopped beating, “what?” he asked in disbelief.

“the other king sent us a letter! inviting us to your wedding with his daughter! we’ve never been so humiliated, how could you betray your family?” his mother interrupted.

sunghoon shook his head, “there must be a misunderstanding—“

“how come?” the king asked, “your name is written on that letter! and it was probably sent to all the other kingdoms!!”

“what about y/n?!” his mother asked and his eyes widened.

“y/n…?”

“how do you think she’ll feel receiving that letter? huh?”

“no, no! none of this is true! you must believe me!”

“explain yourself then! we’re here waiting!” sunoo, one of sunghoon’s brother argued.

sunghoon sighed, shutting his eyes tightly and clenching his fists, “y/n’s mother, the queen, her condition is getting worse. she’s been awfully sick for a few years already, i overheard their servants talking about how only the other kingdom could help her because they don’t want to bother us. so i went to them myself, i made a deal with the king that he’ll help the queen in exchange of my throne—“

“are you out of your—“

“jay! let him talk” the queen shushed him.

“yes! i was ready to give up my crown if it means i can help her in any way!” sunghoon sighed, “the king obviously did nothing and lied to me! and now apparently im ‘marrying his daughter’ you know damn well that’s never going to happen because i want to marry y/n!”

sunghoon’s mother wiped out her tears and hugged sunghoon, “i’m sorry you had to go through this, you could’ve told us—“

“i didn’t want to bother you too, this story is complicated than you think”

“what about y/n’s mother’s condition?” the king asked quietly.

“y/n said it’s been getting worse, they started to say their final goodbyes” sunghoon whispered and the room became quiet, as a respect for the queen.

“you should go to her, to check on her” heeseung suddenly spoke.

“yeah, i bet she needs someone by her side right now” jungwon added.

sunghoon nodded and with his parents’ approval he went to your kingdom.

he searched for you around and saw you staring at your garden, he smiled for himself and tapped your shoulder.

“hey” he said.

“what are you doing here?” you asked coldly.

“what?” he tilt his head, “i’m here to visit you”

“don’t you have a wedding to go get prepared to?” you scoffed, “go away park, you’re not welcomed here anymore”

sunghoon had been stabbed a few times in his life, but your words hurt him more than ten stabs at once.

“you have to listen to me i—“

“there’s nothing to explain! i got the letter, saw your name on it and it was enough for me to understand this was all a game for you” you shout, “i can’t believe i actually believed your bullshit”

“i hate you, park sunghoon” you spit out, nothing but hate is in your fierce glance at him. he just chuckled, “you don’t mean that”

“oh i do,” you nodded, “and to think that i actually promised my mom i’ll be marrying you” you chuckled in disbelief.

“looking back at that promise, i realize why you used to believe that promises are stupid” you added.

“i’m sorry” he apologized, “sorry isn’t going to change anything, is it?”

“y/n—“

“just get out, please” you were being nice, asking him to leave and pointing your hands to the door although he already knew where to go.

sunghoon didn’t want to bother you, he thought you’d probably relax in a day or two, and he’d be able to talk it out with you.

you can’t just erase all your feelings and delete all your memories after so many years, right?

as soon as he got out he went to the other kingdom, to finally get some sense into that stupid, useless king.

“park sunghoon! so nice to see you my son-in-law!” the king said and sunghoon only wanted to punch his face.

“wedding? with your daughter? son-in-law? you’re out of your fucking mind!” he spit out.

the king only laughed in his face, “why? wouldn’t you like to be my son? i’ll take good care of you”

sunghoon rolled his eyes, “the deal is canceled, you won’t get any crown or another kingdom, fix whatever you did, you ruined my life anyway and you never even helped y/n’s mother”

“oh but i feel like i haven’t ruined your life enough”

“cut it off, we both know my kingdom will finish you once we’ll declare a war”

“what makes you think that?”

“i did” another voice was heard in the room.

sunghoon’s father stepped in and put his hand on sunghoon’s shoulder.

“and i’m afraid i also know too many secrets about you, old friend” he teased, “leave my son alone, and don’t you dare ruin his life again. he did a mistake asking for your help but he did what he had to do”

sunghoon’s father then dragged him out of the kingdom back to theirs.

right after sunghoon left your room, you went out to breathe and relax your brain a bit.

how could sunghoon do this to you? everything he ever said to you, every hug, every joke, was it all a lie to him?

there must be a reason behind it, but you’re too hurt to even care about it. no reason could be enough for you right now.

you decided to focus on being next to your mother, spending her last days together and showing her the brightest side of you, you didn’t tell her anything and she didn’t suspect anything so you just left it be.

three days passed ever since you last heard from sunghoon.

you miss him, you miss everything and anything about him. you needed his comfort the most right now, but you couldn’t bring yourself to see him.

“y/n, sunghoon is here to pay a visit” one of your servants informed you.

“tell him i don’t want to see him,” you sighed, “and tell him to take care” you whispered that line.

you refused to see him in any cost. you’re too angry to even care about his feelings right now. all you could feel is betrayal, and hurt.

in one of the next days, you went out to the garden to read some books and write on your diary.

when you got back inside the castle you saw your mother’s doctors standing with their heads down.

“we’re sorry your highness, we did everything we could” they said and couldn’t even make eye contact with you as their eyes were full with tears.

you froze there for a few minutes, you knew this day would come but could never prepare yourself enough for that. you didn’t want to believe this day would come so fast.

“please tell me i’m dreaming” you told them but they shook their heads, “we’re very sorry your—“

they got cut off when they saw you falling to the ground, sobbing and covering your eyes.

you were crying like a little child who lost their ice cream, refusing to get up and screaming at everything.

the last few days were just about you and her, she taught you everything you needed to know about life and royalty.

“you need to be a good wife to sunghoon!” she smiled.

“mom! he has to be a good husband before that!”

“you’re right! if he’s being mean tell him you’d leave him and take all of his money” she joked and you giggled.

“i don’t need money”

“you don’t, but you do need to annoy him and help him realize he’s nothing without you!”

all of those memories past by your mind all day, thinking about your dear mother, who was there for you when no one else was.

“who’s going to be by my side now, mom?” you asked quietly, “i already miss you so much”

it was dinner time in hybe’s kingdom, all seven brothers sat together with their parents.

“sunoo, we’ve found the perfect wife for you! you’re going to meet her at the ballroom on ni-ki’s birthday!! isn’t that exciting?” the queen clapped in excitement.

“yeah, very exciting!” sunoo tried to sound cheerful, but failed miserably in sunghoon’s eyes.

he pitied his younger brother for being the only one who’s being forced to someone he doesn’t even know.

sunoo explain multiple times to his parents that he wants to marry someone out of love, and that he believes that when it’s time, he’ll meet the one for him. but his parents turned deaf to his thoughts.

“i already met her once, she’s really pretty! the perfect pair for you!”

“your highness” a few servants came into the room and interrupted the dinner.

“is it important? we’re having dinner right now—“

“queen (name) of (name) kingdom is no longer with us” the servants lowered their heads as a respect and the king got up from his seat instantly.

sunghoon’s eyes widened, he was left speechless and froze in his place.

“we’ll be going to pay our respects tomorrow morning together, prepare yourselves” the king said and left the dining room.

sunghoon didn’t know what to do. it has already been a week and he’s been trying to reach out to you, but you rejected him every time.

he sent you letters but didn’t get any back. he was hopeless.

what is he supposed to do now? he didn’t even say his last goodbye to his mother-in-law.

the next day, you received loads of letters from loads of kingdoms, thanking the queen for her service and mourning her death.

hybe’s kingdom however, came personally to comfort you and the rest of your family.

the king and the queen, and six of their children. yes, only six of them. one of them was missing.

park sunghoon didn’t come to comfort you.

“we’re very sorry to hear the devastating news, the queen was the kindest soul we’ve ever got to meet” the king shook your father’s hands and pat his back.

the six sons came to you and hugged you. you hugged them back and broke down. the six sons already became your brothers long time ago, you felt safe around them.

“we’re sorry y/n, we’re here for you now” heeseung, the oldest one said with a comforting smile.

as much as you were thankful for them, you were hoping to see a certain person, a person who didn’t even bother showing up.

it only added up to your anger on him, how could he do that? what happened to always being there for you?

“sunghoon felt a bit sick and unwell today, he couldn’t get up from his bed, he really wanted to come” the queen smiled weakly at you and you returned the smile.

you spent the rest of the day with your six brothers, completely forgetting about your father and sister, they were here to comfort you and be with you.

“sunoo,” you called out, “hm?” he answered quietly.

“is sunghoon really sick?” you asked and he nodded, “i think the news about your mother caught him off guard, he couldn’t even speak after he heard the news”

you pressed your lips together and nodded, “please wish him well, i hope he’ll get better as soon as possible”

“i will do that” he smiled warmly at you.

just because you’re hurt by him, doesn’t mean you don’t care about him. he still holds a big place in your heart.

the next days passed by slowly, you spent most of your time in your room, sometimes even refusing to get out for a whole day.

sunghoon crossed your mind every day. your last words to him crossed your mind every day too.

you said you hate him, but you lied. you love him, you love him too much that it hurts.

you feel too betrayed and hurt by him but it’s somehow the last thing that interests you.

you just need to see him and hug him. but your ego wouldn’t let you.

so you waited for him to fight for you, you knew he’d try again, and again, and again, that’s just the person that he is.

after a while of isolating yourself in your room, you decided to get out and read some books.

that’s what your mom would want you to do, to move on and start a new life.

as you were reading your book, you heard a familiar voice calling you.

“y/n,” your heart skipped a beat. you were too scared to turn around and see the person you were so hoping to see for so long.

“please tell me you’re not who i think you are” you breathed slowly.

“i’m sorry” he let out.

you finally decided to turn around and you met his eyes. it’s been a while since you last saw him, you missed staring at his beautiful face, and his beautiful moles that made his face look ten times better, his kissable lips that always felt soft against yours, you missed everything about him.

“please,” he whispered, “please hear me out this time”

you blinked a few times, still not believing that he’s actually in front of you.

“you didn’t show up when i needed you the most, you betrayed me and lied to me, why would i listen to any of your excuses now?” you argued, but deep down you wanted to hear him so badly.

“y/n please” he pleaded, “just listen to what i have to say, and it’s up to you wether to believe it or not, just please, i don’t want us to break apart without you hearing the reason behind it”

you let out a few tears to fall and slowly nodded, he was right, you never let him to explain himself, you were too selfish and cared about your feeling that you didn’t even care about his.

he told you the whole story from the start, and you were sobbing your heart out.

“i’m sorry,” you let out, “i’m sorry for refusing to listen to you, i’m sorry for rejecting you so many times, i’m sorry for telling you that i hate you—“

“stop apologizing stupid,” he chuckled, “it’s over now isn’t it? we’re even now right?”

“it’s over now, promise me you won’t ever hide from me something like that again” you extended out your pinky.

“but you said that promises are stu—“

“not when it comes to you” you smiled.

instead of locking his pinky with you he cupped your face and pulled you into a kiss.

“i love you y/n, i’m sorry it took me a while to get back to you” he whispered.

“i love you too sunghoon, im sorry for rejecting you multiple times” you giggled.

“finally! get married already and leave this kingdom please!” you heard your sister in the back.

“i’m sorry that my sister can’t be a bit more like your brothers” you awkwardly smiled and sunghoon laughed.

“she’s right though, let’s get married as soon as possible and get our own kingdom” he pecked your lips.

“IN TWO DAYS??”

“well you said you wanted to get married as soon as possible! i already planned everything!” sunghoon’s mother smiled and hugged the both of you.

“can’t say i’m not biased, i’ve been shipping the two of you ever since you both met” the king added.

“are they gonna have babies as soon as possible now too?”

“NI-KI!!!!”

TAG-LIST ; @jaeneohee @hsgwrld @enhastolemyheart @enhacatalog @kaykay11sworld @ipoststuffandyeah @beomsbeanie @queestionmark @ineedsomezzz @yenqa @nshmrarki @asteriaskingdom @ikayyyyyy @mrchweeee @artiiistyxoo @6yulight @woncoree (bold means cannot be tagged)

PERM TAG-LIST ; @sungwhoonz @ohdudehesflirting @unlikelysublimekryptonite @deobiis @manooffline @miumiuoi @in-somnias-world @lovelovelovebts @filmofhybe @wonbinsnovia @daegutowns @aurumiee @soobywon @dhriti-stories @ariadores @firstclassjaylee @watamotee33 (bold means cannot be tagged)

••• copyright © srjlvr all rights are reserved.

[n3rdyw0rdy]

My thoughts on Vefve

I’ve been a fan of Ghost and Pals since 2018, and only in recent years have I joined the fandom. If you’ve seen my past tumblr account, you can tell that I’m quite the fan of Christopher Pierre (Aka: The Distortionist)

I’ve noticed Vefve when I saw her reference sheet for her version of Christopher Pierre and went down the pipeline of her works, and I’ve got some thoughts.

Selfshipping

I have no problem with self shipping at all, since I myself, if you couldn’t tell, make countless ocs for fandoms or characters I like.

What I do feel odd about is Vefve’s self ship with Christopher Pierre. I have heard that Vefve is in her early or late 20’s (I’m not completely certain, but she claimed to be an adult), which the character, Christopher, is 17.

I know she has stated that the version if Chris that she ships herself with is “aged up”, but Christopher, quite literally, hasn’t aged a bit in her art. Even if he’s supposed to be “24”, Vefve has done nothing to his design to indicate that he’s older than he canonically is, appearance wise, which rubs me the wrong way.

“He’s fictional”, I don’t hear you guys saying that when Erin Clover shipped herself with Bakugo while she was in her 30’s.

The Vampire Au

I wasn’t familiar with this AU or the fanfic that went along with it until recently.

I know that Vefve has made a statement saying how she doesn’t like the fanfic anymore, but I beg to differ.

For context, the fanfic consisted of Christopher Pierre as a Vampire, and Kennith Simmons (keep him in mind) as a victim. Christopher attacks Kennith and offed him, but then kissed the severed head of Kennith.

This fanfic is both odd and just weird to me. The random n3crophilia and weird romanticization of the situation leaves a weird taste in my mouth, and if anything, unnecessary.

I understand that Vefve wanted it to be a “horror” fic and not glamorized, but the fanfic itself does that. She even made the excuse that “vampires can’t control themself” or are mindless monsters, but even with that logic, I don’t think a mindless monster would make out with a severed head.

Even with Vefve’s statement of not liking the fic or au, she still mentions it a lot and even made art of the kiss scene, which discourages me to believe that she was honest about it.

Mischaracterization and Chrisken (christopher x kennith)

Probably the most prevalent excuse Vefve gives for defending this ship is that she “changed the characters” so the relationship isn’t as toxic as it would, and with that, fully mischaracterizing the two characters.

Vefve has changed Christopher to a “dominant nonchalant charismatic charmer” while Kennith is a “Sweet innocent boy”. This may be nitpicky of me, or over exaggerating their recharactsrizations, but I just personally dislike it. She also characterizes Kennith to be “child like”, which is really odd to me since canonically, he’s an adult and Christopher is still a minor. I know it’s only a one year age gap, but I have more thoughts on the ship itself below.

Now for the ship itself, I’m not a fan at all. Sorry. But don’t take this being the only reason I don’t really like Vefve, as seen above theres more understandable reasons for my distaste other than me being nitpicky. The ship itself doesn’t really work for me, especially by how realistically, it would be really toxic. Toxic ships have a right to exist, but I feel like if it got into the hands of Vefve or people like her, it would be glamorized to hell and back. (pun intended)

Other thoughts

Generally, the very risky and otherwise odd things she post of Christopher and the fanart her fans make her is very jarring, especially knowing the context of Christopher as a character and his age.

The dynamic of Vefve’s version of Chrisken is just really generic and oddly fetishistic. I’m not accusing anything, but being honest, their relationship feels like it was written by a person who just discovered gay people existed. Sorry. That was mean. But I’m trying to give my honest opinion.

Vefve’s behavior towards people who dislike her is somewhat immature for an adult. Yes, I do understand that some people send death threats to her which can be a bit overboard, but Vefve going out of her way to make post about them seems unnecessary if she can just block them.

I don’t like using the word cringe, but Vefve is cringe. Sorry. I genuinely hate using the word cringe by how watered down the meaning became, but I have no other label to think of when it comes to Vefve. Her fans are no different either. Sorry, that was also mean. Please don’t publicly execute me.

These were my honest thoughts on Vefve. I know that I might be dogpiled for even criticizing her for anything, but I feel like someone had so say at least something. If I missed anything, I’ll edit this, but whoever read through this whole thing and agree with me, have a good day. And if you disagree, also have a good day, but if please don’t associate with me.

And if Vefve is reading this, hi, stay cringe, but don’t thirst over canonically minor characters. Thank you.

[biancadoes1]

I did go back and rewatch the interview Nic had with Aimee. It was actually Aimee who said that her and Nic could be Charley’s mothers, not Nic. She did agree, but that could’ve also been just natural for the interview. I feel like I remember seeing an interview with Lydia for Big Mood where they also discussed age gaps? If anyone has info on that, it would be great!!

I know that Nic looks a lot younger for her age, but looks don’t equate to the amount of life experience one has over the other. It’s what causes me such pause when people are so convinced they’re together. JD JUST graduated from acting school. I’m also 24 and I think I’m incredibly young and inexperienced. I do not have the same life experience as a 37 year old, therefore, I would not be interested in being in any sort of romantic relationship with them. And I say the exact same thing about L and A. While their age difference isn’t as large, it’s still icky to me. I know that even decisions I made a year ago I regret today. If you’re being led by someone more famous and older than you, I’m sure it can lead you to do things maybe you wouldn’t normally do. It makes me so uncomfortable that people are so behind JD and Nic despite the natural differences in life experience, fame, power, etc. I understand famous men have gotten away with it for years, but they are now being called out for it. While it isn’t necessarily the years that bothers me, it’s the lack of experience, power dynamics, and overall just the feeling that it isn’t right. It has nothing to do with Nic being a woman, as I’ve said, I don’t like L and A’s dynamic, among many other people. It’s the fact that they’re at two different points in life and life experiences. Shit, their brains aren’t even fully developed! I just can’t see it, but that’s my personal opinion.

This has what has always led me to be of the belief that N is mentoring JD in some way. The past year, she has really emphasized how much she struggled as an actor in her 20s. I think this is one of the reasons why she is with him at mostly networking events. Also, this could be one of the reasons why she hasn’t blatantly shut down dating rumors. I know that we all like to believe that the industry has evolved, but there’s still so many prejudices out there about women, body types, what’s attractive, and LGBTQ+ individuals. Jonathan Bailey didn’t come out publicly until 2018 when he was more established as an actor. That is a personal choice, so N could be damaging his career by shutting down the rumors. She seems like a very selfless person, especially as her fame rises. Again, I just really struggle to understand why people are so supportive of them as a couple 🤷🏻‍♀️

.

[fangsforiris]

How would the sakamaki brothers react if they find out that they were the sons of the same mother and that they're biologically brothers but karlheinz killed their real mother and separated them . (Btw i reaaally love your blog 💕💕)

Sakamaki Brothers’ Reaction to Being Blood Siblings Related by 1 Mother

——————————

Shū:

“We are blood related…? Seriously…? And here I thought I only had to deal with Reiji. …It seems as if that man will never rest. …That poor woman…”

• Shū wouldn’t be as shocked as compared to the others. He’s been used to Karlheinz’s plans for years longer than the others.

• However, he’d be more tired if anything. Like always, he can never be rid himself of his father and his constant need for his plans to succeed.

• I doubt his relationships with the brothers will change, since beyond this revelation, they are all still the same people. Within the same environment which conditions them to act within a hostile manner.

Reiji:

“Father… he… No. I refuse to believe such a sentiment. I already loathe being related to that deadbeat enough, but this? …What will become of us now?”

• He’d be the most in denial. As in, it would take Reiji the longest to accept that this was even a possibility in the cards.

• Reiji is known to idolize his father, so for this to occur? I think it would heavily confuse his loyalties.

• However, since he does have somewhat of a maternal instinct for his siblings, mainly younger, he’d use this as an opportunity to get closer to them and have more of a ‘close knitted family,’ in the way the Mukami’s do.

Ayato:

“Ehh!? What do you mean we all shared a mother?! That doesn’t even make sense…! We don’t even look alike? Gah… that old man has some explaining to do!”

• Most confused 100%

• Either he skipped a few biology lessons or fell asleep in them, but even he knows that it doesn’t add up as much as it’s supposed to.

• I think he’d use this as a way to perhaps become a bit closer to all of the brothers and in a sense, make amends for the past teasing/borderline bullying he participated in (mainly towards Subaru.)

• Since he is considered to be the most ‘humane’ out of the brothers, it isn’t as far off for him to have empathy and to want to start brand new.

Kanato:

“We… all share a mother? What do you mean? Am I not my mothers son? I don’t understand, Teddy. What are is he saying…? What are you saying!? This does not make any sense…!”

• I think he’d also be in denial, or mainly shocked beyond comprehension.

• It’ll take Kanato a bit to understand, especially since this will deeply impact his pre-established identity issues.

• He was heavily narcissistic about his hair due to it being almost exact to the late Cordelia’s, so for him to not have that connection, one that he founded his entire self-esteem on, it would be detrimental.

Laito:

“So it seems we were fooled, weren’t we? Fufu~ That man certainly knows how to cause a commotion. …That woman then is no mother to me…”

• Out of everyone, I think Laito would want to do further research into this woman and who she was.

• Due to his complicated relationship with his mother, and his pre-established self-loathing, I think this will make him wonder if in another life, he’d be able to have a healthy correlation with mother figures and sexual activity as a whole.

• Laito already does somewhat act as an ‘older brother’ towards Ayato, Kanato, and Subaru, but perhaps this would allow him to get away with more in the scope of caring and involvement.

Subaru:

“He… killed her…? That damned old man! He’s selfish to the core, not one ounce of feeling to be found in him…! That’s all we are… just pawns…”

• Subaru already hated his father due to what he did to his mother and himself. So to find out that he shared an actual blood bond with his brothers, and not just a half-bond would be almost incomprehensible to him.

• He’s always wondered what it’d be like to share a fully-blooded sibling, so to find out it was always here… is bittersweet. Especially since the pre-established relationships between him and the rest of them are sour, and based on tearing down his self-esteem.

• He’d feel the most bad for the woman, and whatever alternate universe could’ve arised from him having a good parent that didn’t project all of their emotional turmoil onto him.

[accio-victuuri]

my mostly calm(er) reaction and reflection post on the magnolia awards nomination list 🥀

sir i don’t understand. why aren’t good people rewarded? // as the old saying goes, evil doers get gold belts and good people can’t even keep their corpses. { war of faith episode 24 }

the quote above is one of my favorites from the show and i feel the truth to it now more than ever. i have already posted about my initial rage and that hasn’t changed, it’s not okay and will never be. i’m mostly a pacifist but i’m not a doormat. there is a reason why the WOF account or the other nominees like the director and “best actor” have not posted their thanks as soon as the nominations were out because they are guilty. it speaks volumes and they should be ashamed of themselves. if you look at the most recent post for WOF weibo account, they are being torn apart. not to mention blog accounts and the same audience who supported the drama calling them out.

this should not be a surprise to those of us who watched the show and understood it’s meaning. because this is what the show thought us, to not stay quiet when there is injustice. much like how wei ruolai said that he is ashamed to be in this mountain. how he was not afraid to leave his dream and literally walk back to Jiangxi for what he believes is the right thing to do. i don’t think you will fully understand the hurt, this is not just me being a yibo stan but someone who saw myself in Wei Ruolai.

the drama was about how the youth can change the world. the reality, and what just happened is proving otherwise. i’m sharing this quote here cause it perfectly explains the problem:

"If the youth are strong, the country will be strong" but the truth is the youth are strong, but you don't recognize it.

this incident exposed the problem with these acting awards. i daresay, not only that, but with other industries where everything has to be about seniority. which in turn makes the younger generation feel burned out and contribute to wanting to lie flat. because what’s the point if the game is rigged. the CCP have always given importance to the youth. often inserting the message of why you all should have kids now because they are the future. they are important blah blah blah — but this simple award? you can’t even show fairness? Wang Yibo is the poster boy for CCP’s propaganda on how an upstanding Chinese Youth should be. He has been in the most recent years, we all cannot deny that with how prominent he is showing up in nationalistic programs tied to the “youth”. So if someone as popular/well-known/talented as WYB can’t be treated fairly. can’t be rewarded with his efforts, then what more for a normal citizen?

WOF team and Magnolia Awards really opened a can of worms here. It goes deeper than nominations and a fandom. In a way, it’s good how this exposed the corrupt system and contributed to why people are so angry. The tag for him continued to stay on top because a lot of netizen can relate, even if you didn’t watch it, i bet they had something to say. It’s been happening for some time but definitely is magnified because of Yibo’s popularity and it made them look really bad.

I am aware of Yibo’s chances with the history of older nominees when it comes to this Awards show but I am confident that he had a good chance of getting it. What made me livid was Wang Yang taking the nom. You can slice and dice it however you want, but Yibo carried that show. He is the main lead. The story is about Wei Ruolai. If Yibo didn’t get it i will still speak up but with the betrayal, not only to him but also the screenwriter — i can’t stay silent and be the “rational” vic that most of you are familiar with. WAR OF FAITH is still one of my favorite dramas with how it affected me and is largely contributing to why i’m reacting the way i do.

I’m not gonna defend anyone. Only Wang Yibo. Honestly. Fuck them all. I watched the show and supported it for WYB — everyone else don’t matter. I won’t post any hate message on their accounts but they get no love from me either.

So now let me get to the good part. Because no matter how hurt we all are, there is still a lot of good that came out of this. The silver lining(s) if you will.

1. Everyone who said that WYB has some backers can fuck off. This proves that he hasn’t. He has no background. There is no big-name pulling the strings for him. He is where he is because he is WANG YIBO. His name alone is enough. WOF got the green light because Wang Yibo’s name was on it. Now more than ever, it is proven that he is where he is because of who he is and what he can bring to the table.

2. We are reminded once again that producers are not our friends. LOL. if you know, you know. it’s all business. So don’t kiss their ass.

3. The fact that he trended #1 for hours, and still is right now at number 4 is proof of how great he represented the character of Wei Ruolai. People now recognize him as an actor who deserves a nomination and a win. The general public are now on his side. He is the underdog and there is nothing more that we want to see than a beaten down person rise above it and win. In a way, this creates more buzz and anticipation for his next movie that will be out. 🫶🏼

4. This has really set him apart from his peers of idol actors who crossed over to being professionals. He did it so effectively and in a short span of time. What happened is sad, but he won people’s hearts and those who already do stan him are more geared up to support him in the future. 💪🏼💪🏼💪🏼

I’m happy for WOF’s nomination. If i’m being honest, it was a sure thing. I’m proud WYB was part and led this amazing drama to what it is. He will continue to give us more excellent works because that is his gift to the audience who always support him.

In the next coming days, if WYB or most likely YBO puts something out, that’s what i’m gonna follow. The most i will do is congratulate WOF, but the others? no thank you.

[thisiskindagross]

I got an ask recently, and while I didn’t wanna get into everything in it, I do feel the need to clarify some things with the comic’s trajectory,

The upped rating for SaM was a personal choice. I’ve always been interested in mature stories, but with how abruptly SaM started, and it was my first real webcomic, I felt inclined to keep it light most of the time. 

But the older I’ve gotten (heck, SaM is almost 10 years old wow!), my desire for mature fiction has increased. I’ve staved off upping the rating for at least the last 3 to 4 years because I was under the impression readers wanted me to keep it pg13.

Then I talked to some friends and read various reader feedback about it, and I know SaM will still take a few more years to finish, given I’m a one man labor source. But I want to fully enjoy the experience while I still have it. So I upped the rating because I want to do mature themes every now and then (it’s just a bonus a lot of my audience wanted me to up it, as well). That doesn’t just go for sexual content, I plan on also upping the violence/action, etc (with warnings obv for people who still want to read, but who don’t want to see such content).

The spacing out of these recent NSFW updates is due to the fact that it takes me months to draw these pages. I could technically wait until all of the updates are done, then splice them together in a long update for the censored public, but then you guys wouldn’t get a single update from SaM for 3 to 4 months. So I opt to keep my regular pacing (somewhere between 10-20 panels an update). I thought that would be preferable than making y’all wait for months on end for something.

So far I’ve only gotten mostly positive feedback for deciding to update the rating, but I’m sure there still will be people who aren’t thrilled with it. Either way, I plan to continue SaM’s story just as intended, there will just be updates here and there that need to be censored because of TOS, unless you want to see them on my Patreon, which, as always, has been optional.

Thank you guys for understanding! I just wanted to clarify the recent rating change, and let you know the story will remain as intended, even as my media interests progress with more adult themes to accompany it. I hope you guys enjoy the new content this year! <3

[georgiapeach30513]

The One to Sacrifice, Part 5

Summary: who is Tanzy’s dad?

Pairings: Johnny Storm X Reader

Rating: mature

Warnings:  explicit language, mentions of abortion, 18+ ONLY

Word Count: 6.1K

Previous

Series Masterlist

*dividers created by @firefly-graphics

“Pix,” coming back here was a mistake. You had no business coming back home, and having all these emotions bubbling up at the surface. So much was left undone, and it should have stayed that way.

“Pixie!” You just want to lay here on the ice, in the cold. You didn’t deserve the happiness that was right here. You’ve failed so many times with Tanzy. You kept her away from her family. And now you’re in a weird living hell.

“Pixie!!” Johnny was right when he said you were an ice princess. Without emotions. You weren’t meant to be a mom, and raise a kid. Your own biological parents gave you up for adoption, and you never got over that. You thought you could make a difference with Tanzy. It’s what she deserved, but what if you didn’t deserve her? What made you think you could raise a child? “I’m calling an ambulance.”

“No,” you croak out. If anyone deserved to know the entire story, it was the man that is gently slapping at your face. Of all the things that’s happened in your life, you regret your time with him the least. Your secretive time that nobody knew about it. It was like he was yours, and you were his. How the hell did you get involved with both brothers’ friends? “Johnny, I’m fine.”

“You fainted in my arms, and you want me to believe you're fine?” It would be easier if he did. He could just pretend that whatever conversation was beginning to happen beforehand never actually happened. Even if Johnny wasn’t fully understanding, he’s curious about what is going on. Of course he is. “What did you eat today?”

“Uhh,” you blink your eyes open, and he still maintains a concerned look towards you. He doesn’t hate you. Never has. He’s never looked at you the way that Raleigh has; with so much disdain that you wonder if Raleigh was trying to parent you. Being older than you did not mean that you wanted someone in control of you, “I don’t…”

“Okay, lets get some food in you,” this man wants to take care of you before he hears your truth. He doesn’t have to be kind to you, but he always has been. You can even see the fear in his eyes, but he’s just worried about your well being. People never have seen Johnny like you have, “You can’t just refuse to eat, you know? You’re an athlete, you’re better than this.”

“Do you really think I’m an ice princess?” he sighs. Holding up a finger, he skates over to the bleachers, and pulls up his coat. Reaching into the pocket he grabs a protein bar, and comes back. Holding it out to you. “I don’t want that.”

“Then let's go round something up in the concession stand,” you didn’t want that either. “Pix, you’ve gotta eat, and we’ve gotta talk,” rolling your eyes, you take a bite of the bar, glaring at him. “You know I called you that when we were young because you were a figure skater.”

“Yeah, but I meant in life. Do you think I’m icy?”

He sighs again, staring at the bar, and you take another bite. It’s actually not bad. Not at all what you wanted, not that you knew what you wanted, but it wasn’t this. “I think you’re standoffish,” you gasp. That was rude. “Don’t play your stupid games with me. It’s not cute, and nobody has ever known you like I know you. You are standoffish. You’re cold to people, so people automatically think that’s who you are. But to me it’s a defense mechanism. When people actually get to know you,” he smirks, wiping his mouth, and you just know he’s about to be disgusting, “You’re quite warm.”

Not where you thought this was going to go. “I know I’m a douchebag, and I know that I make crude comments about us fucking, but if I’m honest, it was never just fucking,” you take another bite of the bar without being prompted. “I don’t think you and I were ever really in love, but you’re the closest I’ve ever felt that with.”

“You’re just saying that because of what you said earlier,” you’ve come to accept a long time ago that you just weren’t meant to be in a relationship.

“I’m not just saying that. But you know, at any moment you want to fill in some gaps, that’d be great. Having your boyfriend throw me up against a car, and choke me while telling me you were pregnant with my child wasn’t what I had on my bingo card for today.”

Your eyes go wide as you stare at him, “He did what? Oh my god, are you okay? What did he say? That wasn’t even his story to tell! It didn’t even include him! Oh my god!”

“Don’t exert all your energy just yet, I was being a bit dramatic. He did punch me, he did push up against the car, and he did tell me about you being pregnant. I came to some conclusions myself, and I’d really like it if you put me out of my misery here, Pix. God, my mind has been putting together so many fucking scenarios here, and I want to listen, so please just talk.”

You exhale slowly. You’ve kept so many secrets for so long. Kept them locked away from everyone. Only Mike ever knew the truth. “So I was pregnant.”

“Gathered as much. Can — ummm,” he breathes deeply, looking away from you for a brief second to gather his thoughts. Careful not to say anything that will hurt you, “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“You didn’t want a kid. You were going back on the road with the Bruins, and…” he didn’t explicitly say he didn’t want a kid, but the idea of having a child with Johnny while he lived his dream, and you became just a mom made you sick to your stomach.

“You were carrying my child,” his eyes are so soft as he stares at you. “I — I don’t,” he gulps, his hand running on the back of his neck. “I don’t know what I would have done,” the look in his eyes stings. He didn’t have any time to think about what he would have done, and now he’s an adult.

“You would have gone back to your team,” he shakes his head no, licking his lips. “Yes, you would have. And I was going to train for the Olympics. You had your life, and I had mine,” Johnny is silent for a few moments, and you allow him the quiet. He’s waiting, and you’d rather he just ask questions. It’s hard to talk about all of this. You were supposed to have kept it buried.

“When Mike called me…?”

“I asked him not to do that. He was disappointed in me. Told me I was throwing my dreams away, and everything I worked for. But he was pissed at you because you were the older one. The more experienced one. The one who should have known better,” Johnny knows he should have done better. He should have been more careful, but he didn’t want to. Not with you, and it doesn’t even make sense. But he didn’t want to be careful.

“But I lost a friend, and I wasn’t even sure why. And He came back around after Tanzy was born,” you nod your head, smiling at him for the first time. “You’re not making this easy for me.”

“Because you’re very confused.”

“Yeah, you could say that. I just found out while someone was asserting their dominance over you that I got you pregnant. It wasn’t from your lips. It was that stupid asshole’s. Yes, Raleigh Becket is an asshole when it comes to you. He thinks he owns you,” Johnny isn’t wrong.

“If I remember correctly, you did, too,” he groans, shaking his head. “Yeah, you always would ask me, who owns this pussy,” Johnny smirks, and you don’t hate it. That bit of friendship that you two created is still there, “It was to be our secret.”

“You could have been honest,” honest with sleeping with Johnny while dating Raleigh? You’re sure that would go over well with your family. A mess. Your life is a mess.

“But you didn’t want me to. With Raleigh I was always out in the open with him. Everyone knew he was sneaking into my bedroom every night,” one of the many things that Mike hated the most.

“Yeah, and you still were fucking me,” his nostril flares. Clearly he doesn’t like talking about Raleigh, but he brought him up. “Did he ever eat you out, with my cum still inside of you?” Pig. “He did, didn’t he? How did he like it?” You can see it in his eyes, he likes to think about Raleigh getting his sloppy seconds. Or maybe he’s just pissed that Raleigh had you at all.

“You’re getting off course here.”

“Who is Tanzy’s father?” You look at the ice, refusing to meet his eyes. “I see. So Tanzy’s my daughter?” Answering that should be easier than it feels. There’s a deep pit in your stomach with having to answer that.

“No,” you whisper, shaking your head. “She’s Mike Weiss’ daughter.”

“No, she’s not!”

“Yes, she is!”

“Pix.”

“Johnny.”

“Tell me the truth,” his voice softens again. He wants Tanzy to be his. You could only imagine that it’s because he would have something that Raleigh didn’t have. But instead he should be happy that a piece of Mike is still with you.

“I am! Tanzy is Mike’s daughter. You want a fucking DNA test? Yeah, things got crosswired with your way of thinking, but I never had a baby. I had a fucking abortion!” The word hangs in the air heavily. Johnny can’t even look you in the eyes anymore, and that hurts more than anything. “Oh, you don’t want to talk now? Don’t want to actually look at me? I terminated the pregnancy because you went back to your team, and I was supposed to start training. But you know what? I didn’t mentally recover from that, and this crackhead shows up at our apartment and tells Mike she’s pregnant, about to give birth, and he can either take full sole custody of the baby, or she’s going up for adoption. So Mike stepped up when…”

“I couldn’t?” That isn’t what you were going to say. That isn’t what you meant. “You never even gave me a choice.”

“Because you didn’t want a child. I overheard you bragging to Raleigh about how you couldn’t wait to get back to the city so you could fuck whatever slut you wanted. So what was I? Not a slut enough for you? The day that I fucking found out I was pregnant, you’re bragging to my boyfriend about how you wanted to fuck everyone. I was nothing but a conquest and a hole for you. I had a dream, and I had goals, and you didn’t care. I would have given them up for you and our child, but sluts were more important to you. I made a rash decision. And I hated it. And then this beautiful baby came into my life, and yeah, she was fulfilling something. But I never gave birth to Tanzy, and that is the goddamn truth. Now take me home.”

Johnny sighs as he looks at you. You’re fuming, but not lying. All these years, and you never said anything. No one knew anything except Mike. He was always the one that knew the truth. You hate talking about that, so it’s easier to keep it inside of you, “Why did you come back?”

“Because I couldn’t afford to give her the life that she deserved. I failed my niece, and your goddaughter,” you tried and tried so hard, but having no help from him especially, wasn’t easy.

“I could have helped.”

Of course he could have, but he never offered. He knew what he signed up for when he agreed to be her godfather. He never reached out. Never thanked you for the photos you sent him. Never asked about her. It was ‘too painful’. Anyone who wanted to deny that Mike was her father is an idiot. She had his exact eye color. She didn’t look anything like you, and of course not, you’re not biologically related to Mike.

“But you didn’t help. So here I am, starting my life over again. I put my life on hold for her. I didn’t live my Olympic dreams after all. I did become a mother in ways, even though I said I wasn’t ready. I didn’t go out and date. I worked, and I took care of her. And then I come back here, and you and Raleigh both are here, annoying me, and confusing my brain. While trying to show off who is man enough, and Tanzy is what matters.”

“And what about you?” What about you? What did you matter in this equation? Tanzy didn’t ask for this life. Didn’t ask for her father to die before she could cohesively create memories about him. You’d put your life on the back burner. “Pix, you’ve stopped living. Let — let me help,” now he wants to help? There’s probably a catch. He wants to go out on a date, wants you to quit talking to Raleigh. “I don’t want anything in return. But I did sign up to take care of her.”

“I can’t ask you to do that,” even though you should. Pride always manages to get in the way.

“I’m telling you this is what I’m going to do. It’s a reset for all of us,” is he trying to make an instant family? That’s not what you want. You don’t want a relationship with him. You don’t want anything from anybody. “Can I ask you something without you getting angry?”

“Depends,” usually asking a question like that is because he’s going to say something that will make you angry, or should make you angry.

“I don’t like Raleigh.”

“That’s not a question. And you don’t like him, or you don’t like him for me?”

“He’s telling me your business, when it should have been you or nobody. He’s so angry because I had you first. He’s turned into an animal to let me know that you're his. I don’t want to tell you what to do, and maybe our time has finally passed, but I don’t think he’s right for you,” he’s not wrong. But why do you feel nothing?

“You’re asking me to break up with him,” you don’t even ask, that’s clearly what he wants from you. And you’re neutral about it all. You don’t have to be with Raleigh, or anybody for that matter. It doesn’t feel right, it doesn’t feel wrong.

“I just don’t want you to settle with the first man that comes to your doorstep, and you feel like you owe him a relationship. You don’t. Or me, or any man. You owe yourself a relationship with you,” he nods, and extends a hand down for you. “You think you’re fooling people, Pix, but the ones that really see you, they know just how much you’re drowning. As much as I don’t like Raleigh, he doesn’t deserve the bare minimum from you. Either be with him, or be alone, and enjoy the people here giving you time to discover yourself again.”

You stare at his hand for a few breaths, before taking it, and pulling yourself up. The hunger is finally hitting you, and you want a feast of a meal. But that is a silent hum compared to words that Johnny just told you. “Nobody’s ever said something so nice to me.”

“I’m not a monster. I just see you.”

“Thank you,” you don’t want to go into it too much. But you are thankful that someone is seeing you. Someone is paying attention to your lack of emotions. Your tendency to go along with what people say or ask of you because you don’t want them disappointed is finally catching up with you. A people pleaser to a fault. But when do you start pleasing yourself?

“Aunt Pixie?” You hum, letting Tanzy know you heard her. You keep brushing her hair, and she looks down at the pond watching Frank and Raleigh skate around. She turns around quickly, smiling at you when Raleigh stops skating to glance up at you and Tanzy. “He’s smiling at you.”

“He should be paying attention to Frank,” your brother roughly shoulders Raleigh, and you don’t react. Today has been — enlightening, especially concerning him.

“You don’t seem happy,” happy is a relative term. You’re confused, to put it mildly. Raleigh attacked Johnny for no reason. Used anger from something that happened nearly a decade ago. You’re sure it was to defend your honor or something stupid, and you didn’t ask him to. You didn’t ask him to open his mouth to Johnny, even if now you’re happy he did.

“I’m tired,” you finish tying her hair into a braid before standing up, and walking to her bed. Flopping back on it as you stare up at the ceiling. Complicated didn’t even begin to explain the mess of your life the moment your car broke down.

“What did you and Johnny talk about?” She asks, joining you on the bed. Both of you splayed out on your back. Mike’s room still looks the same as it did while he was in high school. Simpler times before puberty hit you. And Raleigh noticed you, but you noticed Johnny more.

“We talked about your dad, and how Johnny wants to be a part of your life,” not just a part of it, he wanted to have time with her. And you. That was unexpected. He didn’t want to overwhelm Tanzy while creating a relationship with her.

“You know my teachers at school all asked if you were my mom,” turning to your side, you smile at your niece. She’s beautiful, and every bit as cool as you hoped she would be. Smart. Kind. Funny like Mike. “Sometimes I’d just tell them that you are because it’s easier. And you are kinda like my mom. There’s more pictures of me with you than dad.”

“He loved you, Tanz. Your dad was a busy man,” she nods, and points at the window. “What?”

“How do you know you’re in love?”

“Oh,” sitting up in the bed, you are faced with a picture of your twin brothers, each of their best friends, and some other guy on the high school team. The captain of that year. They had to be freshman in high school then. All four of them tiny. You wouldn’t have even in middle school. “I don’t know,” you’re not sure you’ve ever felt love or loved. You have felt smothered. And you’ve also felt cherished, but never loved.

“So you don’t love Raleigh?” You don’t know. You didn’t love him the way he wanted you to. “It’s just you dated him before, and you’re dating him now, I think, and you still don’t know?” What a funny thing to say. “Do you think things will be different between the two of you?”

How are you supposed to know that? You couldn’t say that things would be different or the same. What you could say is that you didn’t like Raleigh saying any of what you told him in confidence to Johnny. He created a bigger issue than it needed to be, and yes, you feel better getting that off your chest, but Raleigh told Johnny your story. Yours. Not his. He made all these things run through Johnny’s head that wasn’t necessary in the least.

“He just never left here,” you glance towards her, crinkling your nose. You didn’t know what that had to do with anything. “He’s always just been here. And in the stories, love is easy. It’s just something you know. Does he make you feel all giggly inside?”

“I think you need to go to bed,” no. He didn’t.

“I think you don’t want to be honest with me,” no, you just aren’t sure you were ready to be honest with yourself, which is even scarier. You didn't come here to find love or to try again with Raleigh. You came here to give Tanzy a chance. You wanted her to know her family. You wanted her to see you not struggling. And what have you done? You jumped right back in with Raleigh.

There’s a part of you that wonders if you had sex with him out of pity. That you almost felt sorry for him because you gave to Johnny freely. Over and over again. You wanted Johnny so bad then. But you didn’t love him, you didn’t even love Raleigh. But there was a lust you felt for Johnny. An ease that he didn’t make you feel like you had to do anything for him. You just felt comfortable, so you did.

“It’s okay if you don’t love Raleigh,” she’s right. For a kid, she’s so right. You don’t have to love anyone. Not at least until you knew how you felt. You need a job. You need to be self-sufficient. You need to learn to love yourself.

“Has anyone told you that you’re a smart little girl?”

“You do,” no matter what, you know that you have her, and she will always have you. She is your everything. What happened all those years ago might not have made sense, but now they do. Had you not made your decision, you would have had two children. You might not love Tanzy as much as you do now. You might not have time for her, and your child. You’d have to choose between the two.

There are times that it hurts, and you’re sure it always will. But seeing Tanzy now, and the relationship that you have, you can’t imagine the dynamic with another human involved. Would you even love Tanzy the way that you do now? It’s hard to even think about that.

You send Raleigh a quick text about how you’re tired, and going on to bed. You hope he understands that you just don’t want company. You have to think. Think about all your options, and what your plans are. And you do want to stay here, and that means you have to make preparations. You need a job. You want another place for you and Tanzy to live, and not live here with your parents. And you want to breathe without some man trying to shove his cock into you.

Writing down your list, you smile. Feeling like you’re accomplishing something. And all on your own. If you have to set aside your personal wants for a while, it’ll be okay. It will be okay to focus on you. You now have more help than ever with Tanzy, and while Johnny is still here, he wants to spend time with her. You’ll be fine. More importantly, she’ll be fine.

“Have you ever served alcohol before?” Legally, no. But a potential future employer did not need to know about your underage party day. Only the one, and it was enough. You shake your head no. Truth be told, a rusty old worn out dive bar wasn’t your first choice for jobs, but it had hours that would work for you. Plus there was the prospect of good tips.

“Have you at least poured beer?”

“Oh, yeah. Plenty of times,” that was a very stupid thing to say, “Not that I’m an alcoholic. I don’t drink. I’m a figure skater, and…”

“I don’t care. Most everyone here just drinks beer. You’ll have the occasional one asking for a cocktail, or a shot. I don’t care if you make something up, or there’s a menu under the bar,” he stands up to leave, and you sit staring up at him a moment. What did that mean? This tells you nothing. “You can call me Ray. Not Ray Ray, not Rae with an E,” did that honestly make any difference when speaking?

“So I got the job?” He purses his lips, narrowing his eyes at you, but nods.

“You’re willing to work weekends. There's a bunch of lazy sons of bitches that just want to sit at the bar, and drink all weekend, and they don’t want to work,” got it. You’re hired by default. “Just — keep the bar clean. The dining area always looks like shit come morning, but it’s a dive bar. Nobody expects much. Grab an apron, and get out on the floor.”

What did he just say? Start immediately? “Um, can I — you see I got a kid, and, well.”

“The weekends aren’t necessarily a place for a kid,” he deadpans, and that’s not what you were doing. You were going to ask your parents, and then Johnny if they would like to watch her until you arrived home. “We good?”

“Oh, yeah. I’m just needing to make sure that my parents or her godfather can have her until I’m off,” you cringe, unsure why.

“No baby daddy in the picture?”

“I didn’t birth my kid. She’s my niece,” Ray makes a giant O with his mouth, and you hold up a finger, “Just give me a moment to let everyone know I’ll be home late tonight.”

“Good. Then get your ass an apron, and get behind the bar. I can curse, right?” You nod your head. It didn’t really bother you. Ray could be harsh, but he did seem to value what you think.

You hate this. How many beers can a small town drink? A lot is the answer. You didn’t even know who all these people are, or where they came from. They just keep flooding in here, and they’ve got to be a pool of beer at this point. Where is it going? How can they drink so much beer?

Using your hand, you wipe the sweat off the back of your forehead. Getting one second of a break, you’re sure. They’re all satiated for the moment. You talked a few into getting a pitcher so they would leave you alone. You weren’t aware that you were the only bartender tonight. No wonder Ray was so quick to let you start right away, he didn’t want to do this. He needed you.

You rest both your hands on your hips, and accidentally glare at the only person at the bar. He gives you a big smile before popping a peanut in his mouth. “You look stressed.”

You’ve never been the most expressive of people, but the way that man laughs tells you that your face is not nice towards him. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to offend you.”

“What do you want?” Okay, that was a bit harsh. But you’re tired, and hot, and sweaty, and he’s smiling at you.

“A name.”

“Budweiser? Sam Adams? Coors?” He smiles again, raising his brows. “Natural Ice it is,” you aren’t playing games with patrons. No matter if this one is kind of cute in an unkempt way.

“I was thinking more of sex on the beach,” you twist around and glare at him again. “Please?” He’s not serious.

“There’s not any beaches here.”

“Oh, this wasn’t an invitation. I would very much like a sex on the beach. That has to be vastly different from the cheap beer you've been funneling to everyone,” sex on the beach. That consists of liquor. Yes, that is a start. You aren’t going to give this man the satisfaction that you have no idea how to make that.

Beach. Tropical. Pineapple juice. That would be under the bar in the fridge. You pull up a can of juice, and the man makes an annoying buzzer sound, and you’re back to glaring at him. “It doesn’t have pineapple juice in it.”

“Mine does,” he shrugs, continuing to watch you. He knows you’re winging it, but you won’t admit defeat. Beach. Water. Blue. You reach back into the fridge, fiddling around for anything to make this drink blue before just starting to pour a few other things in there. Lots of alcohol, so he’ll be too intoxicated to talk to you anymore.

You slide a cup of something that resembles a sickly green to him, and he stares at it. Doesn’t move. Just dips his chin down to look at the ugly thing. He picks the cup up, holding it in the light. Truly studying this weird concoction that you’ve made. “Is it supposed to be that color?”

“Yes. It’s a secret recipe. Drink it,” He takes a gulp, when it should have been a sip, and holds the drink in his mouth. The look on his face is ghastly when he finally is able to swallow it. And you smirk, seeing if he’s going to humor you with how terrible it has to taste, “It’s good, huh?”

“It’s definitely got alcohol in there,” ouch. You keep your chin up, and there’s something on his face that shifts, and he takes another drink. Struggling to swallow another tiny sip. “I’ve had worse.”

“The octave of your voice is suggesting you haven’t,” his voice pitched up, and whined. he’s a terrible liar.

“Maybe you put in too much alcohol.”

You breathe in deeply. Centering yourself because you can do better. “Sex on the beach isn’t my specialty. Give me something else,” anything. You’re going to try again. Plus, he’s been the only one that has actually talked to you, besides demanding more beer.

“A Sam Adams.”

“No!” Your shoulders wiggle around, and his smile returns. It’s a nice smile. “Give me a cocktail.”

“Mimosa.”

“You’re going easy on me,” you have had that at brunch a few times, and know exactly how to make one. Two ingredients is not hard.

The man places another peanut in his mouth, and gives you the most mischievous smile, “A porn star.”

“That’s made up.”

“It’s not. But what about a buttery nipple? Cherry popper? Pink panty pulldown?” He’s being crude now. Trying to make you squirm, and on your first day of work. Who did he think he was?

Thankfully everyone is still preoccupied, but he’s being nonsensical. “I feel you’re mocking me.”

“These are all cocktails,” you look around, noticing Ray is still in his office, so you pull your phone out. Searching to make sure that each and every one of these were real. What is wrong with people? “You want Irish cream and butterscotch schnapps?”

“No, I was trying to get you to smile, and talk to me. A Sam Adams would be delightful,” no, now you have to make him another drink. He brought it up.

“Oh, no. You’re getting a cocktail, and you’re going to drink every bit of it. And I’m calling it The Annoying Man at the Bar.”

“Aww, that cuts me very deeply. Why am I so annoying?” He likes those stupid peanuts a bit too much. This is why you shouldn’t be making cocktails, you don’t even know what some of this stuff is. You’re just going to mix a bunch of things together.

“You came in here being difficult, and then tell me that you want a beer,” he smiles again, and you have no intentions of falling for it, but you can admit he’s nice to look at.

“I guess my flirting is really off these days.”

“Not interested,” and it has nothing to do with Raleigh. You’re more attracted to this man than your not boyfriend. Boyfriend? No. He’s not your boyfriend. He was a fling. And now you’re all about you. This man at the bar can’t come into your life. You haven’t got the time.

“Wow. My flirting is really off then. Usually I win people over with my charming smile,” you aren’t going to tell him that his smile is in fact charming. But what’s even more charming is how he doesn’t truly care what he’s dressed like. Wearing a Hawaiian shirt in the middle of winter is definitely a choice. “You won’t even give me your name.”

“Pixie!” You groan, turning to the side of the bar as Johnny jogs up. “I came by to tell you that Tanzy is asleep, so your parents told me to just leave. However, we played four rounds of Uno, and she beat me three times. I didn’t let her. She did it on her own. We’ve got a cool kid. Anyways, call me when you leave here and when you make it home. Practice tomorrow morning! Don’t stay out too late,” he leaves without letting you get any word in.

Johnny is a lot of things, but he does want a relationship with Tanzy, so that makes him your best friend currently. Nothing romantic at all. Hearing him brag about Tanzy warms up your belly. You’ve been the one that’s raising her, so it feels good to know he thinks she’s cool. “So you won’t give me your name because you got a husband? Baby daddy?” You’re back to looking at the stranger, and shaking your head no. “So Storm is just what?”

“You know Johnny?”

“Hell, everyone knows Johnny. He’s a bit more than a local legend, huh?” He looks out to the distance, and while you should let this conversation fizzle out, you don’t want it to. You pour another pitcher for a table, and return to look at him. He looks haunted by something.

“What?” He asks, keeping his eyes on you while you wipe down the bar.

“Johnny is just the godfather to my niece. We’re not involved,” anymore.

“Oh, so you don’t want me to think that you’re taken. Which means you are available, but you’re playing hard to get,” what? No. You’re working. He drinking and talking. And while you might like it, you’re a single Pringle by choice.

“No.”

“No?” He dramatically acts like he’s thinking. Putting his chin in his hand, and taps on his temple. “No, you’re not available, or no, you’re not playing hard to get?” You shrug. You aren’t really sure how to respond to that. You didn’t think you were playing hard to get because you didn’t want to be gotten. And you also don’t think that you’re taken. Raleigh is a friend that you had sex with, and you don’t want to make that mistake again.

“I feel we’re going in circles here.”

“I feel you need to try the Annoying Man at the Bar drink.”

“I’d rather not. Not if it’s going to taste like your sex on the beach,” you roll your eyes, pushing the drink over to him. “If I drink this can I get the Sam Adams?” Without responding you fetch him a pint. “Mmm, this is delicious.”

“I can't tell if you’re being honest or truthful here.”

“No, seriously. This is the best thing I’ve ever drank,” he’s lying. But you do enjoy him making himself drink the orangey pink mixture. “Can I have that beer, along with a name, Pixie?” Johnny had to say your name. Your name that everyone called you. Now it’s going to stick with you.

You hand him the beer, and lean onto the bar right in front of him, “What’s the deal with the name?”

“It’s a nickname my brothers gave me. I was always so much smaller than them. And while they played hockey, I skated,” and they were overly protective of you, especially Mike. And still somehow you and Johnny were able to sneak around.

“They play hockey?”

“Everybody plays hockey here. So what’s your story? Wanted to go pro, but it’s a lot harder than you thought?”

“Something like that,” he smirks, shaking his head. He takes a long drink of his beer, cleansing his palette. “So what’s your story, wanted to go to the Olympics?”

“Something like that,” you know there’s more to this man than he’s willing to let on. But he’s just going to be a patron. You weren’t going to get involved. You didn’t want a name. Didn’t want to know anything about him. You’re just going to serve him beer.

“My name is Frank, by the way,” ugh. You didn’t want his name. “Now we’re not strangers anymore, Pixie.”

“Guess we’re not,” and you guess that you’re going to have to figure out your feelings and emotions when they’re rushing past you. but there’s something comfortable with Frank. Easy. Enjoyable. But he’s just a patron.

Next

Masterlist

Taglist: @tis-thedamn-season @marveloustaylortot @pono-pura-vida @musingsfromthemitten @distractingbeth

@peaches1958 @seitmai @smile1318 @andydrysdalerogers @charmed-asylum

@cjand10 @midnightramyeoncravings @patzammit @valhalla-kristin

@kmc1989 @peaceinourtime82 @rogersbarber @kmm-fluv @jaqui-has-a-conspiracy-theory

[laenordeservedbetter]

Just idea to look over for if/when you feel like doing requests.

Sam and reader have always been close. The two grew up together. But after everything that happened in Woodsboro and them moving to New York, the two have grown even closer. Closer to the point where Sam sleeps in Readers bed because of her nightmares and one night when Sam thinks reader is asleep, she confesses her feelings to rs 'sleeping' figure.

Sweet Nothing

Words: 1.2k

Pairing: Samantha Carpenter x GN!Reader

Warnings: Mention of nightmares, cussing, fluff, humor in things that are supposed to be serious

This is set before the events of Scream VI. Reader is Tara and Sam’s roommate here, not Quinn.

Title is based on the song ‘Sweet Nothing’ by Taylor Swift :)

not my gif. || masterlist || previous work

Sam sleeping in your bed had turned into a customary routine pretty quickly after you moved to New York. It was no surprise, really. The two of you have stuck by each other your whole lives. Though, given everything that befell the town of Woodsboro, it’s safe to say that you and Sam had gotten closer.

However, it wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows. Moving to NYC helped, sure, but that did not fully erase the remnants of the trauma it has given all of you. Especially Sam.

The nights were often hard to endure because of the nightmares. It was why Sam didn’t get much sleep. You found that out when you saw her on the living room couch staring blankly at the television with bloodshot eyes. She was barely moving when you saw her. That was when she opened up about her nightmares, how she couldn’t sleep well. In turn, you invited her to rest in your room.

It seemed silly at first, but it proved to be fruitful when Sam admitted the next day that because of the sleepover, she had had the best sleep she's gotten in months since the murders.

From that day onwards, Sam has been staying in your bed and is rarely found in her own room to the point where Tara suggested that the three of you should get a new roommate who’ll occupy Sam’s space since the older Carpenter sibling doesn’t sleep there anymore.

But as much as your sleepovers are helping Sam, it is also torture for her.

It was no secret that she harbored feelings for you. How could she not? You grew up together, went through so much shit together, and left the fucked up town of Woodsboro together. Still, those things can’t encompass how she feels about you. Every minute you spend with each other singularly adds fuel to an open fire. Even if you spend time apart, it won’t matter. The feelings are still there to eat her up. But she’d rather take that any day than losing you.

“Are you awake?” Sam glances at you over her shoulder. You have your back turned, eyes closed. She sighs when you don’t reply. “Guess not.”

She tries to fall asleep as well, but it is proving to be difficult since this is one of the nights where her affection for you threatens to eat her alive. If nightmares aren’t her problem, it’s her feelings. No matter what she does, there’s always something keeping her up at night. Although if you were to ask, she’d say that she very much prefers the latter. Looking at you brings Sam a calmness that pulls her back to reality when the darkness is trying to drag her away.

In a split-second decision, Sam attempts to impart a description of how vast her love (it took her a long time to agnize that it was no longer a stupid crush) is for you to your sleeping figure.

“I didn’t find a safe space until I met you. To other people, I’m strong, despite all the fucked up shit I went through. Only in your arms do I allow myself to break. You see who I am and not who I appear to be. You are who I look forward to seeing at the end of the day. It is you who I would do anything for. You’re who I… love.” Sam breathes out, smiling at her own words. “Feels good to finally say that out loud.

“Loving you has been the easiest thing I have ever done. Though it took me a long time to understand what I feel, I am grateful because I finally found a name to the crazy storm of emotions that I experience whenever you look at me. And, fuck, I’d do anything for you to keep looking at me the way you do. But I’d never have the guts to say that when you are awake because what if you stop? That would certainly change things. I don’t want to lose you . . . It is enough for me to love you from afar. I don’t want to be selfish, pining for someone I can’t have. So, I’ll settle for this, hoping that that would be enough.”

Sam feels an invisible weight lift off of her shoulder. She did it. She finally confessed her feelings despite knowing that it doesn’t count since you aren't conscious to hear this. If Tara saw what is happening, she would likely call Sam out on being a chicken. The Carpenter girl closes her eyes, sleep creeping up on her before…

“You know, out of all the confessions I had imagined I would get from you, I would’ve never expected hearing that.” You turn to your side, facing Sam and you look on with amusement as her eyes widen in fear. “Not complaining, by the way. What you said was sweet.”

Sam looks away, her hand covering her eyes as if that would make this situation any less embarrassing. She waits for the ground to swallow her whole, but that moment never comes. “I’m sorry.”

Your brows furrow, “For what?”

“I’m sorry I feel this way.” She clarifies, “I understand if you don’t want to be friends anymore. I ruined everything. I’m so sorry.” Tears start to prickle in her eyes.

You seem to think ahead, considering how you sit up, gingerly pulling Sam’s hand away from her face before she can hurriedly wipe out the tears. “Sam, you didn’t ruin anything.” You assure her. It hurts you to know that she thinks that she is ruining what you have by falling in love with you, as if you haven’t made it obvious that you feel the same.

“I didn’t?” Sam appears confused, half-expecting you to turn away and leave.

“I love you too.” You admit, sheepishly. “I had a whole plan to declare it. I was gonna take you out tomorrow to your favorite diner. Then, I would have asked you to walk with me and confess my feelings while watching the gorgeous scenery, including all that sappy shit that we’ve only ever seen in movies, but I guess this works too.”

Sam blinks repeatedly (you would’ve thought she was malfunctioning if you didn’t know her) prior to getting on top of you to hit you with a pillow. “So you’re telling me that we could’ve gotten that instead of whatever this is? Why. Did. You. Pretend. You. Were. Sleeping. This. Whole. Time?!”

You put your hands in front of your face to shield yourself from the attack. Laughing, you manage to say, “In my defense, I didn’t know you were going to say that! For all I know, you could’ve been planning to tell me you have diarrhea or something!”

“Unbelievable.” Sam scoffs, getting off of you. She stands up, heading for the door.

“Where are you going?”

“To my room.” She answers, pointing an accusatory finger at you, “You’ll make it up to me tomorrow by taking me to that diner.”

“We’re not even gonna kiss?” You pout.

Sam shakes her head indignantly, “Nope. Not until you take me out to dinner.” Seeing how affected you are, she chuckles teasingly, “It’s not the end of the world, Y/n. Be patient.” Then, she disappears, leaving you in your room alone with your thoughts.

You slump back into the bed, giggling like someone with a school girl crush.

And to think that this was only the beginning.

[theblackqueen-ofmyheart]

You know what we need @fiery-red-kryptonite? We need a diabetic convention.

A few days long where diabetics of all ages could all get together and just talk, share things. both type 1 and type 2 diabetics. I know where I live there were diabetes camps but like…those were for kids and that’s great but so many people who are older need the support.

Because honestly no one understands a diabetic like another diabetic, doctors don’t get me the way you do. Other friends may try to help (and they do an amazing job when I need them to help) but I can just message you and go “holy shit the low I had today” and you understand and share what helps you. I can say “my lord the dream I had today” and you respond with “how was your blood sugar?”.

Plus I know way too many type 2 diabetics who are sorely uneducated on type 1 diabetes and I feel like they would learn better in an open, friendly environment rather than a doctors office where the doctor might not even fully know.

New diabetics who are scared and worried being able to talk face to face with elder diabetics who’ve been dealing with this Illness for most of their lives and hearing from some who knows first hand how they handle it. Being able to go back to their doctors with informed ideas on how to better manage their diabetes.

Panels set up by diabetics for diabetics (and their families because let’s be honest families need more education than they get too)

Little sales booths where diabetics can sell little trinkets to decorate pump or pen pouches. Little bears to help little kids with diabetes brave the injections (I had one his name was poke, he was my second favourite bear)

Just something for diabetics to get together in person and be able to share. Make connections with each other and finally feel a little bit less alone.

I don’t know this idea struck me while I was changing my sensor and I felt like a post that other diabetics may see and share etc would be nice……at least we can have a diabetic Tumblr group or something 😂

Edit: the post has been reblogged and liked a few times so I went ahead and made a discord so diabetics can connect in some way at the very least. The invite shouldn’t expire but if it does please let me know and I’ll put a new one or invite you personally.

[theashesofthefirststar]

This weeks adventuring party fully framed Trackers phone call as “words Kristen needed to hear” Which I find pretty hard to stomach seeing that, if you changed a few key words, this is the same exact lecture that most people with adhd have gotten at some point in their life. You’re so talented, but you don’t want to work for it. If only you put in the effort, you expect things to be easy/handed to you and on and on it goes. I fully admit that I may be projecting, and that my interpretation of Kristen may not align with Ally and Brennans vision, but Kristien’s struggles with executive dysfunction are so clear in everything she does that they can hardly be labeled as subtext at this point.

When I was younger, back before I understood my adhd for what it is, I was known amongst my friends as being clumsy, chaotic, and constantly making small mistakes with big cascading consequences. This behavior was so infamous that anytime a friend did something similar, the rest of the group would call them out for “pulling a Xander.” At the time it was funny and mostly harmless, but as I got older and those consequences caught up with me, as I tried desperately to change, I realized I didn’t know how. I remember sobbing in frustration after I missed the deadline of another assignment, because I couldn’t understand why I was making the same mistakes over and over again. It felt like there was something fundamentally wrong with me.

Now at nearly 30, I understand what was wrong with me. I have a neurodevelopmental condition, that’s associated with life-enduring cognitive dysfunction, and it is a fundamental part of me. It will always be an immense challenge for me to exist in a regimented world, let alone thrive in one. When Tracker said Kristen thinks she deserves for it to be easy on some level, my immediate thought was ‘yeah of course she does’. Because executive dysfunction makes everything hard, even the things you love, and what’s more relatable than wishing that just this once, life will be fair. That just this once, your mind will stop working against you.

As someone who’s gotten much better at living with adhd and who also currently on track to get a masters degree in clinical social work, Kristen should be framed as someone who needs support instead of someone who needs to simply stop being so chaotic and start putting in the hard work. It would empower her to work with her executive dysfunction instead of working against it. It would allow her to find sustainable coping mechanisms that utilize her skills and goals.

[oldfashionedbooklove]

tell me about your favorite lm montgomery novel please <3

Okay this is SO hard because her books are amazing but I just have to admit Rilla of Ingleside is my favourite, which is saying a lot because I LOVE HER BOOKS, okay! I adore the Story Girl duology and I absolutely love the Anne series and Jane of Lantern Hill.

But Rilla. This book is a heartbreaker. And it’s so beautiful.

I don’t know if I can fully express how much is to be found in this book. I have been reading it yearly for many years, and always come away with new thoughts. As I grow older, and see more of the world, I relate and understand more, and another level of the book is discovered.

The setting—a small P.E.I. town carrying on through WWI. I’m pretty tough when it comes to war books, but I have to take breaks from this one because it is so raw and real. The agony is intense. I cannot even cry over it—my heart hurts too much for tears. This shows exactly what the Great War was for people. You sway back and forth, feeling the dread and terror. You know how it ends but you are broken anyhow. And when the end comes, you too can only rejoice softly. You feel as if you have paid part of the price yourself.

“‘We’re in a new world,’ Jem says, ‘and we’ve got to make it a better one than the old. That isn’t done yet, though some folks seem to think it ought to be. The job isn’t finished—it isn’t really begun. The old world is destroyed and we must build up the new one. It will be the task of years. I’ve seen enough of war to realize that we’ve got to make a world where wars can’t happen. We’ve given Prussianism its mortal wound but it isn’t dead yet and it isn’t confined to Germany either. It isn’t enough to drive out the old spirit—we’ve got to bring in the new.’”

The characters in this book—they are alive. Splendid Jem, brave and merry and true; Jerry, steady and dutiful; Walter, sensitive and courageous; Carl, cheerful and fearless; Shirley, honest and reliable; Nan and Di and Anne, all heart-wrung and smiling; Gertrude, tragic and grasping for hope; the Doctor, determined and self-sacrificing; Susan, simple and true—and Rilla, who starts out a silly, frivolous girl and ends a strong, mature woman. Then there are all the minor and side characters—the Merediths, Cousin Sophia, Jimsy, Ken, Irene, Whiskers-on-the-Moon & his family, Mary and the Elliotts, Norman + Ellen, and everyone else. They’re all so alive, so real, so funny and terrible and beautiful—I swear Glen St. Mary exists and all the inhabitants thereof.

The story follows the Great War, from the first days in August 1914 to the bitter Summer of 1919, where peace has come but normal will never return. As a child, this story was simply World War One—a faraway, long-ago grief and horror and agony. Now, in 2024, as a woman, I have experienced a slight taste of what the people of 1914 felt, and it has humanized the story of the War. This, more than any other book I have read, brings the War and the world of 1914-1918 to life, showing how they were people just like us. The heart is wrung by their suffering, and there is no escape, for the war must drag on for long bitter years. And the price! Walter has become the face of unknown, forgotten heroes, and Jem has become that of the scarred heroes who returned. Every November we grieve the young men who never came home, and for the ones who came home missing a part of themselves, physical or otherwise. I have wept thinking of the children of Rilla, Ken, Faith, Jem, and the others—children who fought in WWII and whose parents were forced to relive the horrible conflict of mankind.

“It has been such a dreadful week,” she wrote, “and even though it is over and we know that it was all a mistake that does not seem to do away with the bruises left by it. And yet it has in some ways been a very wonderful week and I have had some glimpses of things I never realized before—of how fine and brave people can be even in the midst of horrible suffering.”

And yet the book overflows with humour—real laugh-out-loud scenes and witty, clever banter on princes and politics. It is another aspect of the humanity—the part that cannot fully let go of laughing despite the drain. Another angle is the shrewd commentary on principalities and powers, nations and cultures, is thought-provoking, as is the remarks that show us how the war truly changed the world.

“There was a time,” she said sorrowfully, “when I did not care what happened outside of P.E. Island, and now a king cannot have a toothache in Russia or China but it worries me. It may be broadening to the mind, as the doctor said, but it is very painful to the feelings.”

But the biggest things to me is the SPIRIT of this book. The spirit of perseverance, endurance, courage, and love. Of course, man is man, and there is suspicion, contempt, and a feeling of superiority—but this is not exclusive only to Anglo-Saxons. As someone who isn’t Anglo-Saxon myself, and actually of mixed cultures, I can attest every nation is guilty of such. World War One was a battle of good vs. evil—not of man vs. man, but Idea against Idea—the idea of civilization against militarism. Perhaps not on the part of the leaders—but when one studies the writings, letters, poems, and speeches of the everyday folks caught up in the war, one sees this distinction plainly. It was not a war of European against European, Anglo-Saxon against German—it was a war between an old, terrible Idea of Prussianism (Frederick the Great, anyone?) and the Idea of Respect and Peace.

“And you will tell your children of the Idea we fought and died for—teach them it must be lived for as well as died for, else the price paid for it will have been given for nought.”

May we never forget.

A REMARK: I discovered that Rilla of Ingleside was abridged by about 4,300 words (~14 pages), so I searched for an unabridged copy. I definitely encourage you to take the extra trouble to find an *unabridged* copy. It is SO worth it! I’ve read both versions and the unabridged is so much fuller, with a great deal more humour and fun.

I just have to pick out my favourite quotes, too…

“We all come back to God in these days of soul-sifting,” said Gertrude to John Meredith. “There have been many days in the past when I didn't believe in God—not as God—only as the impersonal Great First Cause of the scientists. I believe in Him now—I have to—there's nothing else to fall back on but God—humbly, starkly, unconditionally.”

“‘Our help in ages past’—‘the same yesterday, to-day and for ever,’ said the minister gently. ‘When we forget God—He remembers us.’”

Below her [window] was a big apple-tree, a great swelling cone of rosy blossom.... Beyond Rainbow Valley there was a cloudy shore of morning with little ripples of sunrise breaking over it. The far, cold beauty of a lingering star shone above it. Why, in this world of springtime loveliness, must hearts break?

And I can’t leave without some humour:

“‘The Germans have recaptured Premysl,’ said Susan despairingly… ‘and now I suppose we will have to begin calling it by that uncivilized name again. Cousin Sophia was in when the mail came and when she heard the news she hove a sigh up from the depths of her stomach, Mrs. Dr. dear, and said, ‘Ah yes, and they will get Petrograd next I have no doubt.’ I said to her, ‘My knowledge of geography is not so profound as I wish it was but I have an idea that it is quite a walk from Premysl to Petrograd.’ Cousin Sophia sighed again and said, ‘The Grand Duke Nicholas is not the man I took him to be.’ ‘Do not let him know that,’ said I. ‘It might hurt his feelings and he has likely enough to worry him as it is.’ But you cannot cheer Cousin Sophia up, no matter how sarcastic you are, Mrs. Dr. dear. She sighed for the third time and groaned out, ‘But the Russians are retreating fast,’ and I said, ‘Well, what of it? They have plenty of room for retreating, have they not?’ But all the same, Mrs. Dr. dear, though I would never admit it to Cousin Sophia, I do not like the situation on the eastern front. [But] Grand Duke Nicholas, though he may have been a disappointment to us in some respects, knows how to run away decently and in order, and that is a very useful knowledge when Germans are chasing you. Norman Douglas declares he is just luring them on and killing ten of them to one he loses. But I am of the opinion he cannot help himself and is just doing the best he can under the circumstances, the same as the rest of us.’”