#and I haven't really put much thought into Leonard before but between this and the way he fixates on getting a Hargreeves action figure

[anxiously-going]

Hey @beauty-grace-outer-space look what I found

Jim froze in his tracks as he and Len existed the diner.

Leonard put a hand on his back, knowing the blank on his friends face. "Jim, you ok?"

"Yeah," he answered robotically. "Yeah, I'm fine. Let's get back to campus." And with that Jim turned on his heels and took off.

"Whoa, Jim, slow down," Len called. He practically had to jog to keep up with the blond.

Jim didn't seem to hear him. He continued forward, one foot in front of the other. Breathing in and out. Vaguely he was aware of the adrenaline rushing through his system, making his heart pound in his ears. Breathing in and out. Left foot, right foot, left foot, right foot. Breathe in and out. It was just a trick of the mind, he was seeing things wrong, that was all. Breathe in and out. If it had been possible, he might have thought his pounding heart would bruise the inside of his ribs. Just breathe in and out. Bones was with him. Bones would help. He just had to make it to campus first. Breathe in and out. Breathe in-

"Slow down, Jimmy!" The voice called. Jim came to a screeching halt, Bones almost collided into him. "If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were trying to avoid me."

"Jim?" Bones hand was on his shoulder.

Jim nodded and turned back to the voice, the one he was never supposed to hear again. "What do you want, Frank?"

Leonard felt his own blood run cold at the name. He'd hoped he'd never have to meet the man who had kept Jim up with nightmares more than a couple nights during their days in the Academy.

"I came to see how you were doing," Frank replied conversationally. "I hear your first mission didn't go so good. But I guess it couldn't have been that bad, seeing as you got a ship out of it."

"What do you want?" Jim said again.

"I already told you-"

"Cut the crap. You don't care how I'm doing, so why are you here?"

Frank's face hardened, almost imperceptibly. Leonard pulled Jim back a step. "You've got no right to talk to me like that, boy," he spat. "Not after everything I've done for you. You wouldn't even be here if it were for me!"

Jim nodded. "So you came looking for payment."

"You still owe me a good bit for sending my car off that cliff," Frank answered. "It shouldn't be a problem for you to pay off now that you finally have a real job as a fancy Starfleet Captain."

Jim fought the urge to step back as Frank moved closer. "I don't owe you anything," he answered, hoping he sounded braver than he felt.

"You destroyed my property, boy!"

"That car never belong to you. You couldn't have sold it legally if you wanted to."

"You ungrateful-"

Jim stumbled back as Leonard pushed himself between the men.

Frank laughed. "You really gonna let someone else fight your battles? You never were much of a man that way were you? Always running off to hide and cry. You haven't changed a bit, have you? I bet you still cry yourself to sleep."

"Walk away," Leonard said coldly. "Walk away right now, and don't you ever come near him again."

"Or what?"

"Or I'll make you wish you had."

Frank closed the space between them. "Are you threatening me, boy?"

"No, sir. I'm warning you. It's courtesy I won't extend again. So I suggest-" he stepped forward, forcing Frank to give up ground "-that you turn around and walk away. Because I promise you, if I ever see your face around here again you will regret it. I will personally see to that. Do I make myself clear?"

"Talk like that can get you kicked out of the Fleet," Frank retorted without any strength behind his words.

"Try it." He glared down at the man for a moment longer before turning back to Jim. "You alright?"

Jim nodded, "Yeah,- Bones!"

Leonard spun and ducked out of the way of fist. With a crack Frank hit the pavement. He squatted by the man as he peeled himself off the ground. "There's an urgent care about three blocks that way." He pointed away from the campus. "They'll help you file a report if you really want to."

Leonard stood again and put a hand on Jim's arm. "C'mon."

The men walked on, half slumped against each other, drained from the sudden lack of adrenaline.

"What if he comes back?" Jim asked quietly. "He's not one to make idle threats."

"Then we make the first move. We'll go file a report of harassment, if he tries coming on campus security will pick him up."

Jim nodded. "Thanks for sticking up for me."

"I promised I would. Hey," Len stepped in front of the younger man. "He's never going to touch you again. He can't. He can't ever reach you again. You're safe, Jim, I promise."

"Thanks, Bones," he croaked.

Len sighed and pulled him into a hug. "I'm not gonna let anything happen to you. Let's go get that report taken care of."

[hidelias]

A bend in space-time Season 1 - [Chapter 16: Through the looking glass]

Chronological markers: this scene fits like a deleted scene from season 1 episode 5, around 55:00 (at the same time as the episode's final scene between Viktor and Leonard). TW : Drug abuse - Addiction - Mutilation

Suggested soundtrack : R.E.M. - Loosing my religion ; Piss Ants - Attack of the Killer Tomatoes

---

March 28, 2019 - 07:55 pm

I drop my keys into the hallway bowl, where they clatter with my grandmother's. There's a stack of leaflets, a medical bill that wasn't there the day before yesterday, and a note from the condominium about the renovation of the staircase. From the living room, the dialogue from the Vietnamese drama Granny is watching in her armchair plays muffledly. I glance at Klaus, who's just behind me, closing the door behind him. I hope I haven't made a mistake by bringing him here.

This evening, I returned to Hargreeves Mansion just by the time Luther parked Reginald's old Hermes car, with Diego and Klaus on board. I knew right away that they'd had a rough ride when I saw Diego's arm, but the three of them also looked like they'd had a hell of a good time since they were still pretty high on adrenaline. I heard they'd conned the Commission's henchmen. I learned that Five had gone for the precious appointment he'd been hoping for. I felt a hopeful glow. But above all, as strange as this 'family trip' was, I'm glad Klaus had the opportunity to clear is mind a little.

He looks reasonably functional, even if it all comes back to him in cycles when he's left alone to think or when his blood alcohol level drops dangerously low. This sentence may seem contradictory, but that's exactly it. He's been on vodka all day, among other things, and it shows. As night approaches, everything always seems worse, though, so I thought it would be a good idea to get him out of his room again. Besides, there's something here I need to pick up.

I glance at him as he takes off his shoes. He's used to this, although we've always managed to get him to come at times when Granny wasn't around. My grandmother is - how can I put this elegantly - one of those old ladies who has lived a long time and no longer has much reason to hold back her outspokenness. She has 'very sure judgement', as they say. And the only time she actually met Klaus in ten years, she kicked him out just for the look and smell of him. He was more or less homeless at the time, whatever. Still, she could have treated him with a little more respect.

"Are you going to be okay with the TV and food?".

I choose to ask it straight away: it's still time to turn back on the staircase. I don't know if hearing Vietnamese is really what Klaus needs, or bathing in the smells of Granny's cooking, which is pretty much 'fusion food', but still dominated by lemongrass and coriander. But he nods with a broad hand gesture. Maybe he even finds it paradoxically soothing.

"This is the first time I feel like eating", he says with a sort of confused sigh. "And it's been 51 years since I last had a bite". "We'll see what we can do".

The entrance to the apartment leads into the living room, where Granny has just turned her head upon hearing our voices, the kitchen, and finally the hallway leading to the two bedrooms and bathroom. Nothing like the lavish eccentricity of Hargreeves Mansion, no question about it, but a small, modest and, on the whole, warm comfort. Back then, my mother lived here with us. It was small, but many people live on much less. Both the hallway and the living room are mostly loaded with boxes, rolls of fabric and sewing equipment: Granny worked as a tailor all her life, and never really cleared out her workshop when arthritis prevented her hands from working.

"Bạch Liên?", the old lady interjects from the living room without even bothering to turn her eyes away from the TV. "You're not sleeping at that horrible mansion tonight?" "Good evening Granny…" We could have just started with that. "We'll go back there later. Or tomorrow morning. We won't be bothering you".

Hearing the use of the word "we", she turns her eyes and looks up and down at Klaus. Especially down: obviously removing shoes is a big deal, on her floors.

"Oh. Which one of the Hargreeves kids is that?"

Her surprise is obvious. Probably because I never invite anyone over when she's around.

"That's Klaus." "Klaus, what number is that?"

An awkward silence falls over between the living room and the hallway, as I myself get rid of my coat and shoes. Fortunately, Klaus himself decides to answer with an unsuspected politeness, especially considering his blood alcohol level:

"Number four. Good evening Mrs Hoang. Nice dressing gown".

Granny says nothing for several seconds, as if trying to unravel something in her head. Then, turning her eyes back to her TV, she states as if her words went back a long way:

"Number four. 6 feets at 18. Last winter uniform delivered October 2007".

I look at Klaus as he stares at me: I was completely unaware of this.

" Were you the one sewing the uniforms, Granny?"

She doesn't answer, but she knows we've both understood. A short while ago, I'd probably have been stunned by the news, but ever since my conversation with Pogo, I've realized that Reginald Hargreeves' interference in my family's life has clarified many matters. In a way, he gave her a job. And no doubt it helped her career take off, as Granny made the costumes for most of The City's elite. Looking back, I do wonder if the blue suit with white stripes that Klaus stole from his father the other day was her work. Her drama ends, directly followed by the vintage credits of another episode. She glances at Klaus again.

"You're the haunted junkie. I'm sorry for your father's loss. My irritation flares up again, when it had almost subsided. "The first time you forgot weed in the pocket of a jacket to darn, you were less than fourteen years old".

I get that Granny always knew a lot about her customers, by sewing their clothes. I think she knew which uniforms she had ceased to tailor. Five's, then Ben's. I hadn't realized how much these clothing deliveries could say. But right now, I feel we must cut this conversation short.

"We're going to the kitchen for a snack".

Granny waves her hand, as if to prompt us to make off, and I confess I'm not asking for anything else. Within five seconds, we're in the kitchen, where the wooden beaded curtain rustles behind us.

"Wow", Klaus huffs as I turn on the neon without using the switch, which he notices wordlessly. "She certainly hasn't changed. Jeez, 'haunted junkie'. Well, at least it's synthetic".

I sigh as I grab some bread and open the old celadon-green fridge.

"She's straightforward. See the silver lining: she knows you're my favorite haunted junkie".

Klaus gives a faint smile as I bring out giò lụa, tangerines and Hà Nôi beers. It's by far the most practical way of not having dishes to clean.

"Oh", he says, amused. "And who's your least favorite?" I smirk at him. "I don't know. Beetlejuice."

We both chuckle. Our first laugh in what seems like an eternity. Gosh. It comforts me so much to see that he can still joke, even if he does so with a distant, pained expression, while contemplating the label on his beer.

"Hold back on any comments," he bellows. "Huh?" "Not you, Ben". "Oh, okay".

I'm used to that. I smile, wondering if Ben must have been on the trip too. In situations like this, it saddens me the most not to be able to talk to him directly. A knife and a cutting board: I slice the Vietnamese pork sausage into quarter-slices, without trying to make it look pretty. I turn on the coffee machine, without even touching it, and Klaus finally cracks open his beer.

"That's new, isn't it?" he tells me. "You can turn electrical stuff on like a steampunk wizard." I only nod. "It just popped up today".

I'm aware that I too have been pretty badly affected by this day, and it's not surprising that this new ability was triggered by it. As for intangibility and jumping through space, it had already come at dreadful times. Even high, Klaus isn't stupid: as Five would say, he knows exactly what the causal chain is. An important milestone in my lifeline now depends on a bullet, fired half a century ago on another continent.

"What else did you switch on?" Klaus picks at the giò lụa while I shake my head. "Lamps, traffic lights, machines. I also got the bus engine started. I think".

He raises an eyebrow. This reminds me of what I need to pick up here, and I let him eat while I go rummage through the shelves next to the fridge.

"Rin…" he says as he chews, and I glance over my shoulder while rummaging through Granny's food supplements.

His attention is focused towards the sink near which Ben must be standing, as if he's afraid he might try to stop him talking. And then, out of the blue, I hear him say under the dim neon:

"Would you be okay with tying me up?"

The big box of magnesium slips out of my fingers, along with a tube of vitamin C. Gosh, I thought he was completely down.

"I've told you no a hundred times, Klaus". "Wait, wait, wait. Damn it, I knew I shouldn't start this way".

I glance over, and the look on his face tells me it's nothing like I'd imagined. No, he's not doing much better. And I stop searching, now as worried as intrigued.

"Seeing you do all that stuff makes me think," he tells me. "And there's something Diego told me this morning that I keep twisting around in my head, like a fidget spinner on ecsta".

His hands gesture what's going on inside his brain, and it's pretty freaky. He's serious, deadly serious. I cross my arms attentively, while he's opening a new beer. Clearly, 5.1° doesn't seem to be enough.

"What did he tell you?" "That I was lucky…". He pauses and I tilt my head, because - in all objectivity - I don't quite see in what way. "…Because I could - you know - see again the people I've lost".

He glances in Ben's direction, and something strange strikes me: today, it's as if I can almost feel where he is. I know how different it is, when it comes to Ben. He's the only ghost who shows up even when Klaus is dead drunk or as high as a kite. We never really got deep into the details of how his power works. Because the question had never really been relevant. But I feel right away that - tonight - we're going to.

"You could," I say as he drinks as if it's the last beer he'll ever have. "Have you ever done it… intentionally?"

I recall what Five told me. That after all, our powers didn't matter as much as the control we had over them. Klaus glances again at the label on his Hà Nôi bottle.

"I can summon the imprints of the dead we carry with us: you, me, anyone. The dead who have… something unfinished, or a grudge. The ones who crave being invoked".

He sighs, and I help myself to coffee.

"Even without doing anything, some come on their own. The ones who are stuck here and didn't get their ticket to the afterlife. And those bastards… are ~ pretty convincing~ in trying to be heard. But you know that".

That's an understatement, and the look on my face says it all. I squint, choosing to ask my question cautiously.

"Have you ever chatted with them, like with Ben?" Klaus nods, twisting his slice of bread in his fingers. "It used to be helpful for - well - getting information. Being a lookout. Facilitating blackmail, too. Boy, I liked blackmail. But your grandmother got it right, from thirteen onwards, I just did it less and less, until I stopped completely".

When I met him, it had been over for a while. He takes a deep breath, as if explaining all this required an infinite effort. I'm not sure he's ever talked about it.

"I can fight decently, I guess. But otherwise… I was useless. As useful as…" "'As motel shower caps', I know".

Klaus sighs.

"When Five's two buddies took me hostage, I led a small discussion group with their former victims." "No kidding?" "I swear. There was one who'd been hanged with her intestine." "No, I mean, seriously, did you manage to do that?"

He nods vigorously, somewhat hopefully, and seems to be catching up with what he initially intended to say.

"That's what I was trying to address earlier. I was tied up. They'd taken everything from me. I had no choice but to crash. It took over ten hours to comedown, but it happened… Ben can tell you. Right, Ben?

I want to believe Ben even if I can't see him. Klaus puts his beer down and discards the remainder of the pack, as if he's already made up his mind to stop drinking now.

"If you tie me up tonight, or tomorrow, I've got a chance of succeeding". "Klaus, quitting cold turkey is the worst idea ever, and you know it."

A method against which rehab has repeatedly warned him, and which could cause him extremely severe, if not downright lethal, withdrawal symptoms. I shake my head again to tell him no. My teeth are clenched above my crossed arms, because I know he's going to insist, maybe even using the evil 'baby seal eyes' skill he's had thirty years to hone.

"Please… I can't do it alone, you know that. If I have the slightest choice, I won't make it.

I've already done a lot this week. I'm emotionally shattered too, and this is just too much. I can deal with the visits to rehab, the night terrors, the trips to the police station, the evenings watching him ingest whatever is most likely to end up killing him, but not with this.

"I can do many things for you, Klaus, but just imagine…" "I doesn't have to be here, uh? I was thinking of the attic at home". "Wherever! Do you think I could just tie yourself up, and then go off to work like nothing happened? Knowing the withdrawal syndrome you'll go through, and how shitty it'll be?

I know how it's going to be. The anxiety, the stomach churning, the sweating. He's going to give up, he's going to call, he's going to beg to be untied and get his fix, he'll possibly get angry, at himself and at anyone passing by. And he's asking me to be responsible for this? I'm trembling a little. I'd like him to understand, but he puts his empty bottle down on the table.

"Is it because I'm wanting to see Dave?" "You're such a jerk. I don't have a problem with that.

We'd had plenty of stories that ended badly, but this time everything is just… ten times more intense and sad. Because he'd found a deep love, like never before. And also because I hadn't had the blood of his exes on my fingers, the other times. He rubs his eyes with both hands.

"Rin, if it really is the end of the world, there are two things I absolutely must do. Summon Dave to see it again - just once - and remember - re-watch Attack of the Killer Tomatoes with you".

Well, he hasn't forgotten. I know he's sincere, that this isn't a cunning trick to get what he wants, not only, anyway. But I'd like him to contemplate the contradictory feelings I'm having. Deep down, it's all I want: that he gets clean, that he can get to see Dave. But it's beyond my capacity to do what he's asking. Literally.

"Klaus, the truth is, I possibly don't even have the physical strength to do it properly".

He's not especially huge, and I already look tiny next to him. He can't deny that's true, and he sighs, aware that I'm holding my loophole.

"You're right. Forget it. I'll do this on my own".

Ben says something to him, but I can see he's ignoring it on purpose, even though his shoulders drop a little. Slowly, I go back to searching through Granny's medication. Klaus thought of me first. But the truth is…

"Why don't you ask your brothers?" I say. "Diego. He'd do it perfectly even with one arm missing, I'm sure he ties people up even on Sundays, just like I sell faucet handles".

"I might." I push a whole row of expired nasal sprays off the shelf, while he repeats: "I really might. Besides, we've already had a talk".

His silence tells me that the idea is sinking in, and I eventually find what I'm looking for, well hidden behind antihistamines boxes. The kitchen windows and walls vibrate a little. How odd. I hadn't noticed the wind had risen so much. But finally, Klaus seems to realize that I haven't even eaten yet.

"What are you looking for?"

Nervously, I scratch my cheek, and I send on the table the box of Valium I've just exhumed.

"I talked to Five, you know. About that name… 'Omega'".

I know that for Klaus, the discussion with Pogo is lost in a distant past. Yet he doesn't seem to have forgotten: the way his eyebrows pinch together tells no lies. I shake my head. He knows that I link the symbolism of this name to the end of time, as anyone would.

"I've been thinking about it all over again, and even if Five isn't really worried… I don't want to take any risks, until the end of the world is over".

This sentence is absurd, but it's the only way I can say it, as I watch Klaus literally crumbling in front of me.

"Is this a joke, Rin?" "No. Imagine it's my fault. I can't think of hurting anyone. I'm already getting spiders out of the bathtub, instead of killing them." "Rin, I just came to tell you that I want to get sober, and you announce that you're going to sedate yourself?"

I'm struck by the irony of the situation too. But that's factually what's happening. He wants his power back? I want to stifle mine. For a moment, we both freeze, looking at each other as if the world were absurdly imploding. As if we'd each just walked through the looking glass, and turned around.

"Don't do that, that would be a huge fuck-up." "It's just three days on Valium, Klaus." "It was just a bag of weed too, then you saw. You don't want that." "Are you the one fucking telling me this? It's surreal, it's like one of your Dali posters". "Exactly, 'I'm the one telling you that'. And if Five is not worried, then there's really no reason to be". I sigh. "'Five' only calculates probabilities". "It's already more solid than your bad feeling, just based on a damn first name given by an old psychopath".

He's right, and I say nothing.

"Just suppose we need you, and you can't do anything?" "Klaus, you can't even drive".

We both feel it's going to get out of hand, so we keep quiet. Until he says:

"Don't take anything tonight, really. Think it over until tomorrow. Now we'll watch the movie with Ben".

I nod slowly, while I give up coffee, just as he gave up beer.

" Nothing makes much sense anymore," he breathes a little painfully. "But do you want one more reason not to take anything tonight?"

I shrug, waiting for the joke I'm anticipating, which is already making me feel good even though he hasn't even uttered it yet.

"We don't even need a remote control anymore".

---

Notes:

A criss-cross scene, actually funnier than one might have imagined. Diego has no idea that this he's going to have to deal with the situation tomorrow. And Granny deserved to get her due, don't you think?

Of course, it's not the wind that makes the apartment quiver, but Viktor's power that spreads across The City.

Any comment will make my day! ♡

---

A bend in space-time, the masterlist :

- Season 1 (complete): Table of contents - Season 2 (complete): Table of contents - Season 3 (complete): Table of contents - Season 4 (in progress) : Table of contents

[hermitreunited]

sunriseseance replied to your post “Question: doesn’t Leonard get out of jail just a few days before the...”

@hermitreunited Five isn't there when he gets humiliated so they're at least 13 but they're also definitely not much older so I think 25ish is a good guess for when he got out? So he had 4 years to establish a shop and get in the newspapwr?

OKAY BUT WAIT

but listen then. Reg is even more the one responsible for the apocalypse, more than just the average “he did such a bad job raising them” thing. If anyone wants to talk about which character is truly and fully to blame for the apocalypse - 

to bring everyone back together to stop the end of the world, Reggie kills himself like the dramatic idiot that he is. His death prompts Leonard, who has been out of jail for 5ish years, to finally visit the academy because of Reg’s funeral, and when he’s there, his old resentments reignite as he remembers the incomparable Sir Reginald Hargreeves encouraging a crowd of adults to point and laugh at him outside this building. Then he finds the book, and his plan to take advantage of Vanya sparks to life. 

Like if Reg hadn’t offed himself, Leonard would not have swung by and started fucking around with the umbrella stuff again. It’s absolutely and totally any which way you slice it Reginald’s fault. Shit, he’s the fucking WORST

[dreamsister81]

"If  you listen to the lyrics of Hallelujah closely, you  notice  it’s a  song  about  sex,  about  love,  about life on Earth. The hallelujah isn’t a tribute to a worshipped person, an idol or a god, but it’s the hallelujah of orgasm. It’s an ode to life and to love."-OOR, August, 1994

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Why did you cover a Leonard Cohen song?

Because I find myself in Hallelujah, not because of Cohen.-Knust interview, September 13, 1994

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“Any of the covers on the album are there because they mean a certain thing in my life that I love and I miss. One day I was house-sitting for a friend and she left her whiskey out and I got into it and hit this horrible sorrowful jag. I went to the gig-Sin-É, in fact-weeping like a fucking animal. The whole time. I sang ‘Hallelujah’ that night and I got through the show just on the edge of tears. I don’t know why. It just wells up inside you."-Hot Press, October 5, 1994

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And this version of Leonard Cohen's "Hallelujah", does he know the John Cale version? "Well, actually, I'm playing John Cale's version, that's where I got it from, from that record "I'm Your Fan" that I listened to at a friend's house. I also know Leonard's original, but he doesn't sing every verse, the way John interprets it is so...simple."-Rock & Folk, October, 1994

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" 'Hallelujah' for example I learned in New York from John Cale after a year working at Sin-é on a day when I found myself crying like a baby and that song expressed exactly what I was feeling. A title like 'Hallelujah' makes one think of the church, of morality and instead there is a deep humanity inside, there is the idea of making love, losing love, being crucified. Leonard wrote ten verses for that song and I don't know why he didn't sing them all, I just chose the ones I felt were most mine. He has this extraordinary ability to grasp the fundamental element of a certain situation and to "steal" it, make it his own and build the text around it."-Rockerilla, October, 1994

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The artists you've covered so far are Van Morrison, Leonard Cohen, Alex Chilton, they're connected on a certain line. It's kind of cult people or like that. Do you select those songs consciously?

It doesn't matter who's song it is. I did it because each moment in my life matched the song so well. For example, Leonard's "Hallelujah." One day, I was intoxicated with so much sadness, I was totally wasted after drinking whiskey and practicing this song. Right after that, I went into the gig as I was, and I was screaming like an animal. I'm singing that song with those experiences in mind. I have to be myself before the song exists.-Rockin'on October 1994

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"Hallelujah, I was just housesitting for a friend, watching her cats while she was away and I got into her whiskey and got into her record collection and there was there was John Cale's version of Hallelujah on I'm Your Fan. And I'm not...there are Leonard Cohen enthusiasts...it's not because of Leonard that I did the song, it's simply because of the song and because of the verses. I'm just in there somewhere. I have no blood bound allegiance to Leonard, although i have an incredible admiration and real great love of his work you know? There's a difference between somebody who's a total Tom Waits freak and just somebody who just likes to listen to them, and you know, the Tom Waits freak will know everything: the demos, the back in the days when he used to sound like Billy Joel, blah, blah, blah...hear the European demos, well, he didn't used to, but back when he was a bit smoother. You know, just knows everything. And I don't know everything about Leonard Cohen, and I haven't read Beautiful Losers, and I haven't done that, but it was just a great song."-WBCN's "Nocturnal Emissions", October 23, 1994 in Boston, Massachusetts

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" 'Hallelujah' I didn't do it because it's by Leonard Cohen, but because I like the song. Based on that it was done for all the songs, including mine. The version that inspired me is a John Cale version with all ten verses, unlike the way it appears on Various Positions. The night I first proposed it at Sin-é was a special night, I had also been a bit of a jerk. You see, the word Hallelujah has its own definite sign, you connect it to the church. Instead, for me it is a word that celebrates something very human, it speaks of a deep connection between pain and the human condition. That word has nothing to do with being nailed to a cross: there's when you're hurting, but there's also when you're making love, when you're losing it."-Buscadero, November, 1994

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"The fact that I did Leonard Cohen's Hallelujah doesn't mean anything, Cohen is something you discover when you're discovering life, you don't get there when you're very young."-Rumore, November, 1994

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"Finally, Leonard Cohen's Hallelujah not for the meaning of religious purity that anyone can see, but for more earthly reasons: pain, sex, orgasm and the cruelty of everyday life. I believe in people, not in heaven. Without people God would not exist, he would not make sense."-Tutto, February, 1995

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I wanted to ask you about your version of "Hallelujah". I guess its based more on John Cale's version than Leonard Cohen's original?

Yeah. But I heard the one on (Cohen's album) Various Positions first. Then I was stuck in a room with that I'm Your Fan CD (a Cohen tribute album) and I listened to (Cale's version) and it was, again, very simple. Then I heard that version one time again in Tower Records, and I was just struck. There and then, I thought, "This is wonderful ."

But am I right in thinking you don't really rate your version, compared with Cale's?

Well, he's a man. Mine's too fast. I know the difference between myself in a totally empty situation-which is best, where anything can happen-and in a situation where something's expected. And I don't feel very good about that day, and the time I chose that song to be included on the record, it was between that version and another version that I really despised. All in all, there must 22 versions floating out there. It's just never the right time. It seems that the only right time is when I'm telling it to people. And I guarantee, I have mashed that version into the ground nightly on tour, just creamed it. And there's also a version on the master reel for "So Real" that, because I was so wiped out and exhausted after that day-we'd recorded "So Real" and I recorded one last "Hallelujah", and that was my best one-I just forgot about that "So Real", I was so tired. So it's just hanging around out there. C'est la vie. Part of making records is letting stuff go.-February 28, 1995 interview, published in Uncut, September, 2004

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 I tell him that Bono loves Grace and says that Buckley's cover of Cohen's Hallelujah is better than his own. (Buckley plays John Cale's slightly altered version of the song from the I'm Your Fan tribute album to Cohen.) Buckley slumps back in his chair, as he does when on the defensive, and curls his lip in a manner that accentuates his resemblance to Matt Dillon. "I don't think I did that right," he sighs, passing over the compliment without comment. "I hope Leonard doesn't hear it. The way I do it live is better. I did it all live in the studio, there's no overdubs at all, but I pop it in unexpectedly in the show and it works better. The way I did it sounded more like a child and sometimes I've sung it more like a man."-Mojo, March, 1995

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"It's a hymn to being alive. It's a hymn to love lost. To love. Even the pain of existence, which ties you to being human, should receive an amen-or a hallelujah."-Schwann Spectrum, Spring 1995

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"I found myself in that song and I performed it many times in solo shows. But I'd be neglecting something if I didn't say that I learned it from John Cale. John Cale was the one that brought it to recording first, on the tribute album I'm Your Fan and he used these lyrics, these verses, for the song that didn't appear on Various Positions, which was the first album that Hallelujah appeared upon. I was house-sitting for my friend Susan and she had some whiskey...I don't know, I just hit a big, really bad sorrow jag and put on the song, and it was so simple the way John sang it that the words went through me, and I learned the words that night, played it that night at my gig at Sin-e...I don't know, it just stayed with me ever since. I wasn't gonna put it on the album at first 'cause I didn't write it and it would be kinda cheesy but I thought better after a couple suggestions from a friend of mine, and I did. Unfortunately, I think people will ask for it until the day I'm grey and old and fat, which I don't like, so I'll have to write something better, and I will."-Sony promo interview

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"He has a unique talent for making everyday life poetic and surreal-the most difficult way to write. However, on Hallelujah, I much prefer the lyrics rewritten by John Cale for the I'm Your Fan compilation. It is this version that I have taken up, not Cohen's version."-Les Inrockuptibles, July, 1995

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"That's not a hallelujah of chasteness and piety," Buckley explains. "It's more menstrual. It has more to do with the hallelujah of orgasam, of pain, of joy, of flesh, of being tied to the earth. Not of invisible angels in heaven who may or may not come down to tell you how good or bad you are, or Santa Claus."-Sydney Morning Herald, August 25, 1995

[meanderfall]

I haven't seen many people talk about it, but Temple was right, the Reds & Blues *do* treat Caboose with kid gloves. They see him as stupid and sometimes annoying, but ultimately harmless and sweet and childlike (most of the fans do too, as did the last two writers). Alpha was really the only person who ever treated him like an adult (he still found him annoying, but tbh I think a lot of that was just bluster), who acknowledged that he was capable and *dangerous*. Maybe Tex did too, but [1/3]

[2/3] they didn't have many on screen interactions.And at first Wash did, but after Alpha died no one did. Which I think wasactually on purpose in regards to Epsilon? Because even though Epsilonacknowledges Caboose's strength at the end of Season 10, he still treatsCaboose like the others do. Whereas Alpha was *always* aware of how destructiveCaboose could and would be, to the point where he'd hide behind him in diceysituations because he didn't want to get caught in Caboose's crossfire.

[3/3] I also thinkit's a little interesting that Temple was supposed to analogous to Alpha(although how tf did the Director know that Alpha would be enough like Templeto make the stalemate work again? Also the stalemate only really worked in thefirst place because Temple and Biff were friends so?? But I digress!), and hadalso been the only one since Alpha died to acknowledge that Caboose was anadult, and even though he was cruel about it he still treated Caboose like hedid everyone else.

Hello, Anon! It was so nice to see this in my inbox omg, and I’m sorry this took so long, life has been hectic and stressful! Not to mention, I wanted to take the time to ponder about this, and lol I’m definitely going to be rambling a lot woops.

You’re absolutely right, anon. We, the fans, and the writers and even the BGC tend to baby Caboose a lot. Mostly, at least in my case, because he tends to exude innocence and naivety and you just wanna protect him as much as possible from the real world. But just because he does seem innocent and naive, it doesn’t mean he’s a kid. Alpha was probably the one who treated him the most as an equal, though that’s probably mostly because he’s an asshole to everyone. (Though maybe not?? Remember that RVB 360 video with Church doing the Dad Knee to Junior and talking to him?? Maybe he does know the difference between how to treat a kid and an adult. Won’t stop him from complaining about the kid around said kid though lol.)

I’m not going to lie, anon, these asks gave me some kind of existential crisis as I tried to figure out what exactly is the difference between a kid and an adult, besides ages, and how we’re supposed to treat them, (because it seemed like part the argument that you were implying about how Caboose is an adult and doesn’t need to be treated like a child was that he’s dangerous, and that didn’t sit well with me tbh so here I am over-analyzing a simple ask yet again lmao im sorry if i was wrong or misinterpreted).

Anyway, I’m pretty sure the difference has do with cognitive development. Kids’ thought processes are pretty simple, and this is especially clear from their idea of morality. I’ve heard my younger siblings exclaim so many times that something was unfair, and y’know sometimes they were right, but other times they weren’t taking into consideration other circumstances that made it so the situation was fair. Not to mention, that they’re selfish, through no fault of their own. So far, in their minds, they can’t really manage to consider other people’s point of view, and unless they’re taught differently and actually make the effort, that won’t change. And that’s where the difference between how adults are supposed to treat kids and other adults comes in. Adults, esp their guardians, are supposed to help them grow. They are there to encourage more complex thought processes and and help them walk through the logic if necessary. And they are there to offer advice bc adults have so much more life experience then kids do.

Caboose isn’t really like a kid at all. A lot of people might mistake the things he says as him being simple-minded but really, he just sees things differently from others and processes it differently. And that of course, seems weird and probably child-like to the others because by now they’re so used to how ‘normal’ adult minds work. And like, there are so many examples of posts on this site of adults or teenagers being surprised or caught off-guard by something a kid said or did, so I guess when the BGC encountered Caboose and had that happen to them, they kind of went Caboose = child.

Not to mention, Caboose is easily one of the most caring and empathetic characters on the show??? He loves his friends so much, esp Church, and would do anything for them. (Good examples of Caboose having complex thought processes and empathy: his speech to Tucker in s12 about how he shouldn’t be mad at Church, that episode of s14 ‘Caboose’s Guide to Making Friends’ or whatever it was called, s8 in general when he kept wanting to help Epsilon esp the end of s8. ‘But they’ll die!’ he says. He is completely aware of the possible consequences of what’s happening. He isn’t dumb.)

Anyway, back to the rest of the asks! About them treating Caboose with kid’s gloves.... I waffle between saying you’re absolutely right and going “Weeeellll....”. Because Temple says that right before he reveals that Church really is truly dead and Tucker is trying to stop him from saying it. And you’re right. Caboose shouldn’t have that hidden from him. He’s fully capable of hearing the truth and starting to process the grief. But the thing is, isn’t that what he was already doing in the beginning of s15? Before Temple sent them that corrupted message and gave him hope again? (Not to mention, in the grand scheme of things it probably isn’t that weird to thing Church could’ve honestly come back, he’s died and come back so many times.) And, as a friend, wouldn’t you want to do anything to protect your friend from getting hurt or from grief? Especially when the news is coming from your enemy? Of course Tucker wanted to stop Temple from revealing the truth like that. And it kind of happened in a tense moment. And Tucker hadn’t really been at his best emotionally all season (which believe me, I’m kind of displeased with :/    s15 Tucker is not my Tucker.) (The Blood Gulch Chronicles was probably the best in terms of Tucker treating Caboose like an equal. They definitely had sibling bond there, annoying each other and trying to get Dad’s Church’s attention XD)

I think Wash is pretty good about Caboose though. I still remember that s11 speech when he validated Caboose’s feelings of loss and asked for forgiveness for not being a better leader when he really needed him. I’d probably need to re-watch the seasons for myself in order to really confirm if they treat him like a child constantly that can’t comprehend what’s happening. It’s hard to tell for sure, because the writers kind of fuck that up from time to time, making Caboose seem dumber and the others reacting more harshly to it. Though where do we draw the line of them baby-ing him and caring for him? Like when Sarge let’s Caboose push the button in s3 and calls him a ‘litle rascal’ (i think?), is Sarge treating him like a kid there or just engaging in his enthusiasm? Or in s7 and s8 whenever they leave Caboose behind out of the fights, are they doing it to stop him from accidentally hurting others or because they genuinely think he’d be useless in the fight? Whenever they decide not to explain something to him, are they doing it because they think it’s a waste of time to explain something Caboose won’t understand anyway? (Personally, whenever Caboose misunderstands what someone explained to him, I think it has to do with a lack of concentration than just not being able to comprehend what they’re telling him. He probably has a tendency to drift. And he can concentrate when it’s important, so I think he’s okay) There are probably more examples, but I can’t think of more, I really do need to do a rewatch goddamn.

One last thing! About how Temple is analogous to Church and the stalemate. Correct me if I’m wrong (and I might seriously be, I watched s15 with friends, so I probably missed a good quarter of information), but isn’t the similarities between the two groups completely coincidental? Because Alpha wasn’t implanted and put into Blood Gulch until after Project Freelancer was destroyed, and Temple and the others were in an simulation outpost while Freelancer was still running, evidenced by Carolina and Tex showing up. And I don’t think it would be too hard for them to purposefully create a stalemate? The Counselor probably evaluated them and interviewed them, and learnt that Temple and Bif were friends, and just created the teams in such a way that they would either more or less take charge of their respective teams or be too lazy to fight, creating a stalemate between the two. Also I’m pretty sure Florida created the Blood Gulch teams on his own??? so it really is a coincidence. A freak-ish one for sure, and obviously kind of contrived because it was for plot, but it isn’t that bad.

Also, totally jumping off that one tiny thing you said about how Temple and Alpha were the ones to treat Caboose like an adult. First, I’m about 99% sure the reason why that’s the case if because they’re both huge assholes omg nothing will stop them from treating you like a dumbass. And, this is totally a more personal thought process that I’m just shoving at you, even though me and my friend spent most of our watch saying things like “Alpha would never do that!”, looking back on it, I think Alpha would. Keep in mind, Alpha was an AI created by Leonard Church. A man that when his wife died and he had been powerless to stop it, started torturing his own mind in the hope’s of one day creating an AI of his wife, and performing psychological experiments with the people under his command, who he is supposed to guide and train, and on his own daughter. If there had been a clear cause for what had happened, like in the case of Bif’s death, he probably would’ve gone absolutely insane in his quest for vengeance, like Temple did. And Alpha would’ve done the same, at least, probably before he had been tortured and fragmented. Afterwards, he didn’t really have much emotions or energy to bother with vengeance plots.

Anyway, thank you for coming to my inbox! I hope you enjoyed this read through lmao, though it’s probably filled with stuff you already know and understand! Also looking back on it, I realize I’m all over the place about whether the BGC treat Caboose like a kid woops. I might do a rewatch just for this lol.