#and I have plenty songs about being scared to die yourself
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tarraxahum · 1 year ago
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A whole library of songs I like or know and not one about this one specific topic that follows me everywhere, what the fuck
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ladyinrainbowglasses · 13 days ago
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could you not have thought of a single other movie?
This seems like a good place to explain my reasoning:
First off, I was raised in a Christian dominionist cult. I went to school in one and attended youth group in a different flavor of one.
The suggestions have been for things like die-ins, which is the absolute worst idea for impressing upon a literal death cult trying to engineer a mass human sacrifice to summon their god and end the world that things are bad. A bunch of queer people pretending to be dead in prominent places IS A VISION OF WHAT THEY WANT. Do YOU want a bunch of smug-ass pastors assuring their cultists that Glory Hallelujah, Satan just got them gross queers to act out exactly what will happen when God's Army finally murders every human being in Palestine?
It is, to put it mildly, a terrible idea.
Second, the left is currently labeled a bunch of hysterical killjoys who hate fun. The disgusting hatred Fueher Scheisshosen offers can be FUN. It is an unevolved lizard brain kind of fun, but we are a species just stumbling out of considering public executions, public torture, and public animal cruelty fun.
The majority of Americans sat this one out. The fear on our side is not working. They are not scared of what Trump might do, but they are scared of being told that they are horrible, awful people who are inherently bad because they do not actually know anything that isn't problematic.
The battle is for hearts and minds, like any good propaganda war. Constant fear and constant outrage do work. But so does instilling "Why are you persecuting these people who are giving me a good time?"
We need to be operating from the base assumption that those who are not foaming Nazis are actually scared and tired and battered from 9 years of constant fear porn on one side and constant scolding from the other. If the average American is roughly as smart as the average 12 year old in a system that actually nourishes human potential, everything becomes a lot clearer. The best way to engage a 12 year old-level intelligence is through showing them you are really enjoying yourself quite a lot.
Third, why I landed on "Rocky Horror" as a first choice.
Yes. The movie is 50 years old. It is outdated. It is offensive. It is also nostalgic in a war that is being fought on weaponized nostalgia. Shadowcasts and interactive participation were rights of passage for both Boomers and Gen X. It is a thing that people who did not bother showing up to vote are actually likely to show up for. It is a place where they come to have fun, but they are greeted with the fun of, "This is our last possible party - see, the government you just voted for or didn't bother to stop wants to ban you from being able to do this fun, silly thing that you remember doing as a 20-something. Sorry, this is our last chance to do this! Enjoy yourself!"
That gets THEM upset.
That makes THEM feel targeted.
That makes THEM feel like THEIR leisure choices are threatened.
And yes, I know that it is sickening that most people care more about THEIR leisure time than they care about OTHER PEOPLE'S HUMANITY, but it is the unfortunate reality we are living in.
The threat that all the queer people are going to be dragged off to camps is not a real, extant threat to them.
The threat that they won't be able to relive their 20's for two hours around Halloween every year is.
That said, the exact choice of film is less important than the idea that a lot of people enjoy said film, have fond memories of watching it, that it has some form of participation element, and that the people organizing are blatantly whistling past the graveyard.
Again, I was raised in a cult. The only openly queer film I had heard of was "Rocky Horror". None of the leaders went to see it, but plenty of people who were not locked in had seen it and found it fun. They knew "The Time Warp". I danced to "The Time Warp" at a youth group event, because it was the only taped song that explained how to do the dance that we had. Thank Dr. Demento for that.
If you have suggestions for any film that includes the three important elements of nostalgic fun, participation, and the threat of it being removed by Scheisshosen, I would love to hear them! Let's work together by pooling our knowledge, not eating each other alive because we are not all coming from the same starting point.
The TL;DR:
We are dealing with a death cult, mental children, and people who cannot be persuaded of the stakes with lecturing.
Every move we make as organized resistance needs to target the weak links.
After 9 years of being with an inescapable emotional batterer abusing the entire country, the Left has to stop offering snippy lectures and needs to start offering circuses that are more enjoyable than the circus the Right is offering.
IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE ROCKY HORROR.
BUT IT DOES HAVE TO BE A THREE-RING CIRCUS.
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moibakadesu · 2 years ago
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A little observations as to why I am convinced that Haruka will not die before Milgram's finale 
A document with a lot of realistic and reasonable coping, written by a Haruka lover:
(should be obvious, but of course cw for the topics of death, suicide and injury)
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So the community has been abuzz ever since Haruka went and made his suicide threat in his second VD, and while I did have my moments where I got scared and faltered (notably the two infamous TL posts of our boy), I am still convinced that he will not be successful in taking his life. Due to various reasons, and today we are going to look at them.
Starting with the most … say dry and detached one:
Financial/organisatory reasons
A very important point a lot of people tend to forget is that Milgram, despite being a passion project in many aspects, is still a medium that generates money for OTOIRO. And not only does it generate money for the company, no there are also a lot of things just generated from that.
But let's begin here, Haruka is a fairly popular character, esp in the Asian side of the fandom, so for one boy his video revenue and merch sales are something you wouldn't just drop out of.
The even bigger part is though, the organisatory point, which plays into the finances. We know that Deco starts writing songs as soon as the verdict of a prisoner is decided. So that already gives you a picture of just how early some productions behind the scenes start, and that is just the tip of the iceberg. So by the time Muu's verdict will be in there will already be a considerable amount of time and effort (and probably money) put into t3 Haruka and as a company it would just not make sense to do that.
And this is only taking the songwriting into account, we don't know how early in advance other things go into production.
So in general, songs, videos, merchandise, albums etc have to be produced, this has MONTHS of work beforehand. Voice actors and animators have to be paid.
You don't hinge all that on a decision that could go either way.
With which we will go to …
Possibilities for non-lethal injuries
There are many ways to let Haruka make attempts that ultimately lead to failure.
First, Haruka got voted guilty as well (yes, I was one of the people voting him that, and we will get to one of the reasons why in a second) and this means he will be restricted. 
Milgram is very unclear on how these restrictions for the guilty prisoners work, we can be pretty sure that they are not physical in the sense of their hands being bound or anything to really restrict movement (the longer straps being more of a aesthetic and somewhat symbolic nod to that), but nonetheless it is something that for example makes them unable to fight back from a physical attack against them, as the previous attack by Kotoko has shown.
So my idea is that it's possibly a sort of "barrier" like the one that protects Es from outside violence, but instead hinders the guilty prisoners from doing certain actions.
If we spin that idea further another possibility is that Milgram does not allow suicide. When Haruka asked Es in his VD if that's not allowed Es responded that they don't know. I think it's very likely that there are measures like this barrier preventing people from killing themselves, because it could basically be seen as a way to escape your judgment and that would go against Milgram, right? So there is plenty of room for him trying and not succeeding.
Another possibility is that he would get stopped by a second party. 
For that let's first look at the options that Haruka actually has to take his life. Because they are pretty limited.
For one we have to take to mind that Haruka did grow up pretty … "sheltered", due to his circumstances, so his knowledge about how to end a life are also pretty limited. His methods of killing show that pretty well, they are the most simple, smashing or squeezing something until it stops moving you could say.
Both are not things you can do easily to yourself. Choking yourself with your hands to the point of death is impossible, you lose strength or consciousness before that can happen. Any forms of strangulation by other tools (straps from the prison uniform etc) are out of the question because he would not know how to do it properly.
A thing that I see as most likely for him to attempt would be … slamming his head against the wall repeatedly. This could lead to serious injury, but most likely would also lead to him blacking out before it becomes fatal.
With what we get to the before mentioned part of a second party stopping him during an attempt.
This is not only an interesting way to not have him die, but also a very good option to bring the interactions between characters and character development into play. We know already who will not stop him, Muu clearly, she made her point very clear that she thinks "friends" let friends do whatever they want to do, even if that is taking their own life.
So who are the other options? It's easy actually, Fuuta. (And I am looking at this from a completely neutral and logical point of view, so hear me out.) A lot of people just very blatantly ignore that Haruka, Fuuta and Muu also had a connected dynamic since the early beginnings. Haruka is in the center of this dynamic, with both of the others either caring about him or finding him interesting. Balance in that dynamic began to change, due to how the t1 votes affected everything, Fuuta becoming more reclusive and eventually due to the attack way too occupied with everything he had to deal with for his own survival. While Muu meanwhile literally just went on and asserted her dominance you could say.
So with the t2 votes flipping that right on the head I think we might see that get turned over. Fuuta got time to heal, no more mental torment and he will be more "available" in a sense, to care about what happens around him. Fuuta is at his core way too much of a softie to let things go unnoticed, esp if it concerns someone he has shown care for. And I think the situation that will occur with Haruka might push some buttons for him, because I think Fuuta would be very pressed to not see another person commit suicide if he can prevent it. So as the person besides Muu who has the most ties to Haruka I think he will be the most likely to notice something and step in.
Another factor in this is Shidou. With his proclamation that he will not let anyone in the prison die if he gets forgiven we can say we have a sort of safety net in that regard, because if Haruka should get as far as to inflict any sort of injury on himself we have Shidou to provide first aid. 
Well, at least if Amane gets another guilty vote as to not obstruct Shidou in giving any medical care, but we have to see how that turns out.
Worst case, attempt during the VD
This is just a very big "what if", but the slight possibility that Haruka would attempt to take his life during his next voice drama could be there. Because it's such a big plot point, I doubt they would just let that happen off screen, if they really want to go through with it.
Of course this could tie in with some of the before mentioned options, him failing due to various reasons. I think that could be the most likely course for that route. Especially with the "head banging against wall", maybe to get stopped by that barrier.
People before brought up the idea of him biting off his tongue, but I don't think that will happen, because again, Haruka's knowledge about killing methods is very limited, he wouldn't have a clue that this can be fatal.
Another thing that got brought up was "what if you can extract songs from a (fresh) corpse?"
This is also something I do not see happening, because what use would it have to judge a dead person? It would pretty much defeat the purpose.
And with that we are through. My reasons to believe that Haruka (and everyone else for that matter) will make it to the finale of Milgram, whatever that may be at the end. I don't doubt some form of execution will await there for prisoners who get voted guilty in the last trial. But we will see.
As always, thanks for listening to my rambles, and I hope that helped some of you to put your minds at ease a bit about our blue boy.
(Because man, even with that I worry about him every day, let me tell you.)
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mlmxreader · 2 years ago
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Walima | Simon Ghost Riley x trans!m!reader
anonymous asked: The second request I had was for simon riley x pakitani!ftm reader where they had their nikah and its the ceremony after with the prompts "One dance will not kill you" and "Quit looking at me like that". I didn't have much of an idea for this one, it was just a small thought 😭
Hope that's okay
-🦝
summary: you and Ghost finally get to have your nikkah, which also means the celebration that comes afterwards.
tws: swearing
support your fanfic writers by reblogging what you read & enjoy
For a moment, everything was peaceful and the world was not on fire and ablaze with war; Ghost's hand was on your knee as he sat beside you, bouncing his leg as he kept looking to you for reassurance that you happily gave in the form of small kisses and words of affirmation and encouragement.
He was nervous. Just a short while ago, you had signed your nikkah, and now it was time for the walima; thankfully the venue was one that held significant meaning for you, as it was where you and Ghost had first told your family that you were dating.
When you first told everyone that you and Ghost were seeing each other, you were nervous; he wasn't sure how your family would react to you dating him, given his job, and you weren't sure how the task force would react to him dating you.
You worried that they would have some choice words to say about you being trans, but when you and Ghost broke the news, they reacted with nothing but support for the relationship and a welcome embrace.
Now everyone, from blood relatives and other family through to friends were all gathered there, too, just to celebrate the love between you and him.
Gifts were given, many of them making you tear up and force yourself to wipe the droplets away on the back of your sleeve; there was plenty of food for everyone if Soap would let anyone get to the banquet tables. There was music and jokes and dancing; it was perfect.
Everything was just absolutely perfect. You could actually even feel the love that was directed towards you and your husband as you watched his family meet with yours.
The One Four One were on their best behaviour, thankfully, and as you watched them, you slowly began to lean into Ghost's side, holding onto his arm as you sighed and dared to grin.
"What?"
"I've waited for this for ages," you said quietly, only wanting him to hear it, "but I never would've thought that it'd be so perfect."
Ghost nodded in agreement, a soft hum coming from the back of his throat; years of working through the shit in his head, and he was now sat next to the man he had just married. His family were meeting yours, and things seemed to go well; but he was still nervous.
He didn't want to ruin such a perfect walima, especially when it was his own and he knew that you were looking forward to it more than anything. He was so scared of making a mistake and ruining everything that all he could do was tense up and freeze a little as he chewed at the inside of his lip.
"Simon," you spoke so softly to him. "Relax. You're not gonna fuck up."
Ghost spared a look at you, frowning a little as he furrowed his brows. "I might."
"You won't," you made it sound like a fucking promise. "You're not gonna cock up, you're gonna be just fine. Just enjoy yourself."
He nodded, wanting to relax and to make the most of the celebrations at hand, but he couldn't shake his anxiety; he nearly fucked up his own signature on the nikkah contract where he had been so nervous about making mistakes.
He had worked through so much pain, he had worked through so much heartache and woe, to get to where he was now - he didn't want to make some silly mistake and ruin the whole thing. He really didn't want to ruin the happy day, the glorious and loving day. Ghost was adamant that he would do his best not to ruin it.
'STIRB NICHT VOR MIR (DON'T DIE BEFORE I DO)' by Rammstein was playing, and you smiled as you grasped Ghost's hand gently, giving it a bit of a tug as you cleared your throat.
"Our song."
"Yeah," he nodded, daring to smile a little as he caught your gaze. "I made sure it played at least once."
You brought his hand to your lips, softly kissed the back of it as you hummed. "Wanna dance?"
"I'm okay."
"Come on," you scoffed, tugging at his hand gently again. "One dance won't kill you."
He frowned, brows furrowing as he shook his head. "I don't think I'm ready."
"If you're not ready, we'll wait," you reassured. "We can wait."
"Thank you," Ghost replied quietly, daring to lean into you. When he caught how your family and his were acting together, he dared to laugh softly. "What'd you reckon the chances are your family try t'take them back to Pakistan and adopt them?"
"Oh, very high," you joked. "Laswell, especially. Her and her wife would be lucky to last the night without someone trying to adopt them."
Ghost laughed, nodding against you. "Ain't you glad they get along?"
"Very," you agreed. "I nearly shit myself at one point thinking that they'd despise Soap."
"Why Johnny?"
"He's eaten half the food," you pointed out. "Nearly broke a table when my cousin tried to teach him to dance... need I go on?"
"Not really," the hint of humour, of amusement, in his voice was more than enough for you to relax. "He's been... kinda well behaved, at least."
"Yeah, you're not wrong," you gently pushed him away, just enough to look into his eyes as you smiled, gently cupping his jaw. "I'm glad we did this."
"And me," he leaned into the soft touch. "I'm glad you're my husband."
"And I'm glad you're mine," you dared to softly kiss him. "Are you sure you don't wanna dance?"
"Maybe once I've got myself sorted," Ghost told you. "Yeah?"
"Yeah," you softly traced his jaw, making him grumble softly. He shot a pleading look your way, and ever so softly, you dared to laugh as you shook your head so fondly. "Quit looking at me like that."
"Why?"
"Makes me want to kiss you again," you shrugged. "Especially now that I can call you my husband."
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kaisers-blog · 3 years ago
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Dazai Kinnie
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✓Dark humour is your thing.
✓You have a playlist of sad songs to listen to whenever you want to be sad, and that's almost everyday.
✓A lot of childhood trauma.
✓You hide behind a fake personality when you're around others.
✓Your emotions are like an on/off switch. There's no in between. You either feel everything at once or feel nothing at all.
✓You're emotionally distant because you're scared of getting hurt or you're afraid that you will hurt others.
✓Despite being a victim, you have also been an abuser yourself.
✓Fascinated by the idea of suicide or anything else to do with death.
✓You push people away quite often.
✓You are a manipulator and you know it.
✓You've got a god complex but you have very low self esteem.
✓You're actually a very serious person deep down but no one would be able to tell because you're always joking around.
✓You like reading and use music as a way to drown out the thoughts.
✓You're super smart. You can get good grades if you wanted to but you just choose not to since you don't care much for it.
✓You are disconnected from reality.
✓You've got plenty of friends but you still feel very lonely.
Songs for you :
1) You're a useless child by kikuo.
2) Miss wanna die by jubyphonic
3) Nowhere to run by stegosaurus rex
4) Burning pile by mother mother
5) Freaks by Surf Curse
6) I can't handle change by roar
7) Hurt by Oliver Tree
8) Arms tonite by mother mother
9) Oh Ana by mother mother
10) Hayloft by mother mother
My advice to Dazai Kinnies :
You don't always have to put on a show for everyone. It's alright to not be bubbly and fun all the time. I know that you need constant validation from others even if you don't admit it, so it's okay. You're fine the way you are, there's nothing wrong with you. Stop seeking acceptance from others, all you need to do is accept yourself. You cannot keep pushing people away, they will get tired of it and leave eventually. It's alright to let your guard down sometimes. Cherish the people that truly understand you and keep up with you throughout your tantrums. You cannot be afraid of getting hurt all the time. It's a part of life just like there's darkness and light even sadness and happiness co-exist. You cannot cope by joking about it, you need to let it out sometimes. It's alright to be alone and take your time to recover. I know it's exhausting to keep up the bubbly charade around people. Also, from one dazai Kinnie to another, I'm glad that you're still here. There's more to living, I promise. You just need to find a reason to keep you going. Choose to stay, even if you have nothing left or if all you have is pain within you, you still have yourself, live for the music, the books, the way the sky looks different everyday, don't just exist, but truly live to the fullest, appreciate what it feels like to be alive at all. And maybe one day, you can be able to save someone like yourself.
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unhealthyfanobsession · 3 years ago
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Do you think you’ll continue with the lawyer Nessian fic. It was so amazingly written I’d love to read more! I love all your writing anyways I’ll be happy with anything❤️
Ok not *technically* a Drabble request BUT I’m not ready to commit to a full lawyer AU that happens in order however I did just drum up a part 2 that we’ll say is several years before the previous lawyer AU. Nessian teasing in a bar and Rhys being a dumbass.
FYI the lawyer Drabble I’m talking about can be found HERE.
“I’m in love,” Rhys slurred. Cassian, a decent bit bigger than his brother and two drinks behind him, had a gentle buzz so he could only surmise that his brother was well passed sober.
“Congratulations,” Cassian grinned, clapping his hand on Rhys’ shoulder. “May I lay eyes upon the future Mrs. Dumbass.”
Rhys stared at him flatly. Blew a laugh out of his nose. “She’s not marrying you, brother.”
Cassian snorted, casting his eyes around the elegantly decorated little lounge they’d stepped into for the night. Lounge, not bar. Because they were mature adults now looking to take the edge off after a long day of work, not college students looking to get fucked up.
It was different.
It was different because the cocktails cost $20 and were served in actual stemware instead of red solo cups. They were evolving. Growing. Cassian was a lawyer now and Rhys was supposed to be doing actual work for his dad’s company so… no more dive bars.
Now they frequented little lounges where accountants and lawyers and bankers sat in tailored suits and discussed�� adult things.
It was all very civilized.
And yet here was his brother. Every bit the horny college student they were trying not to be. Oh well, old dogs and all that.
“End of the bar.” Rhys jerked his head to the left and Cassian grinned.
“Might be a little old for you, champ.”
Rhys wrinkled his brow and turned to look at the grandmother doing a crossword puzzle on the far left side of the bar. A martini glass in front of her. Good for grandma.
“Other end of the bar!”
Cassian smirked. He didn’t need to turn his head, since he’s noticed her the second she walked in, but he still did. Just so he could look some more.
“Ah, you mean the deliciously dishevelled leggy brunette with her suit jacket on the chair beside her who just ripped the pins out of her hair like they personally offended her and then laid them in a neat little pile beside her Kobo?
“Mmm,” Rhys grinned, “I’d like her to rip those fingers through my hair.”
Cassian rolled his eyes. “Go for it, brother.”
Rhys grinned wider. “I think I will.” He straightened up, ran a hair through his artfully mussed hair, and pulled on the lapels of his Gucci suit jacket until they were even again.
Cassian snickered into his Old Fashioned. Rhys could straighten his jacket all he wanted. He could pretend he wasn’t drunk all he wanted. It wouldn’t matter one bit.
Not with Nesta Archeron.
Nesta Archeron who hated men that stunk of trust funds and privilege more than anything else in this world.
This would be fun to watch.
Watch her try to ignore him at first. Eyes glued to the page of her book, hand reaching up to wave through the air like Rhys was an annoying fly she could swat away.
Rhys, to his credit, was a clever little bastard. He asked the bartender for a refill of her drink and set it down in front of her then sat himself one stool down from her.
He didn’t move her jacket to sit next to her, which would have had her going feral. He just sat there, waiting.
After a few moments Nesta let out an exacerbated sigh that Cassian could hear from across the room. There was his girl.
Well, not his girl. Not even a little bit his girl, but… someday.
Cassian decided that he was going to Marry Nesta Archeron the first time she kicked his ass up and down a negotiation meeting. It was a couple years ago now. He’d been young and new at his firm. She was young and new too, but the words learning curve were not in Nesta’s vocabulary. Everything she did, she did with perfection.
Including getting rid of men she didn’t want hitting on her.
She said something to his brother that made Rhys’ half drunk, cocky, smile fall halfway down his face.
Cassian would’ve given his left eye to know what she said in that moment. She had a knack for jumping at the jugular and Rhys… oh Rhys. So obvious.
After a few moments and the continual fall of Rhys’ face, Cassian decided it was time to intervene. He knocked his drink back and straightened out his own suit jacket. Armani, still overpriced and designer but not so obvious or try hard as Mr. Up On The Trends with his Gucci. Nesta appreciated classics.
Simple. Clean lines, solid colours, classic. Which was why it was so fun just how attracted she was to his half wild self.
Unlike Rhys, Cassian plucked Nesta’s light grey suit jacket up off the stool beside her and reached over her head to hang it on a coat hook at the end of the bar. Settling himself into the chair beside her like it was exactly where he belonged. Which it was.
She turned around with an indignant shriek and a fire-breathing snarl that narrowed into just a hard glare when she realized it was him. Touching.
“This guy giving you trouble, Nes?”
Rhys choked on his whiskey and Cassian fought his hardest to keep a straight face.
“I so don’t need your saviour complex right now, Cassian.” Nesta scoffed.
“No,” Rhys rolled his eyes. “She was doing perfectly well scaring off everyone in a 10 mile radius all on her own.”
Nesta smiled sweetly, “I was just playing your game.”
Rhys sputtered again. Looked up at his brother. “This devil woman that you apparently already know,” he glared, “is all yours. I’m going home.”
“Be sure to drink plenty of water!” Nesta sing songed after him. Rhys flipped them both off on his way out.
“What’d you say to him?”
Nesta smiled. A pretty, feline little thing. “He said he wanted to chat. Suggested 20 question, which is the lamest, oldest, crustiest line in the book. So I went first. Asked just how small his dick was that he felt the need to overcompensate with the swagger and the gratuitous displays of wealth. He thought he was quite clever to use his question to ask if I wanted to check for myself how not small his dick was and then I asked if his daddy never loved him and that’s where all of that machismo masking painfully obvious and deep seeded feelings of inadequacy and insecurity came from. I was going to offer him my friend’s number before you showed up. She’s an excellent therapist.”
Cassian laughed. Hard. For a very long time. He loved Rhys, but sometimes the kid could use a nice set down. It was always sweeter when delivered by a beautiful woman. Not to mention, Cassian himself had gotten the same ice cold rejection the first time he met Nesta. When he asked if she wanted to get a coffee and she looked at him like something she’d scraped off the bottom of her shoe. That Rhys was chased off so easily just proved he couldn’t take the heat.
“You know the walking trust fund, I presume?” Nesta boredly sipped the drink Rhys had bought her. And even that was somehow amusing.
“Only for the last couple decades or so,” Cassian grinned. “He’s like a brother to me.”
“Explains a lot.”
“Your insults are more impactful when you clarify which person is being insulted.”
“I was going for the two birds one stone method.”
“In that case, consider me wounded, sweetheart.”
Nesta scoffed, “Unfortunately not mortally.”
“Oh Nesta, if I weren’t here you’d die of boredom and you know it. No one else can run you up and down the courtroom like I can.” Now. Cassian grinned as he watched the word flash across her eyes. He’d never live that first blunder down.
Nesta rose an eyebrow. “Bold of you to assume you present any challenge whatsoever.”
Cassian signalled for another drink and leaned forward. “Alright, I’ll bite. Who in this entire city can give you more of a run for your money?”
“Vanserra.” Nesta looked him dead in the eye. And managed to keep a straight face. As if that wasn’t the funniest fucking thing he’d heard all day.
“Oh yes, Nepotism and Nepotism LLP certainly has us all shaking in our boots,” Cassian blew out a breath. “What are you working on now?”
“I’m working on upholding attorney-client privilege.”
“So, the Suncurser merger.”
Nesta looked up. “How did you-”
“Helion and I are old friends. I checked the zoning on the lots he was buying before the merger went ahead to make sure the expansion was even feasible. But, as you know, M&A isn’t my thing. So I may have… given him a referral.”
“Are there any rich playboys in this city that you aren’t friends with?” Nesta finished off her drink and pointedly didn’t signal for another. “And if you think I’m going to be grateful to you for sending this my way you’ve got another thing-“
“Helion is my friend.” Cassian repeated, cutting her off. “He believes in this merger and he wants it done right. You’re the best, Nesta. Why wouldn’t I send him to you?”
“It’s not just to get in my pants?” She narrowed her eyes.
Cassian laughed again. “Oh no, sweetheart. When you invite me into your bed it will have nothing to do with work. It’ll be because you’re tired of denying how much you want me.” Cassian leaned in closer, one hand resting on the back of her chair. “Tired of denying the thrill that shoots through your whole body when we lay into each other. In the court room or out.” His nose brushed against hers, just a little, and Cassian felt Nesta tense up. He smirked, mouth just inches away from hers. “Tired of denying how right this is.”
Nesta’s voice was rough, husky. “So your plan is to wear me down?”
Cassian smirked. “My plan,” his hand came up to stroke the silk covered expanse of her upper arm, “is to marry you, Nesta Archeron. But sure, we can start with wearing you down.”
***Feyre and Nesta look physically similar so you can’t tell me drunk Rhys wouldn’t hit on Nesta in a bar before realizing he’d made a terrible mistake and running away thank you***
Also tags yourself, I’m the grandma doing the crossword puzzle with a martini. She’s an icon and she is the moment.
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cherrysha · 4 years ago
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Run
Remember when i posted abt lumberjack a/b/o Uvo? well here it is!! shoutout again to ram fr helping me with this piece!! This is my first attempt at a longer story with more plot. Part of me wanted to break it up into more chapters but I like the build up thats there by keeping it in one piece. Its my take on abo (I know some people love it and some absolutely hate it but the lewding potential was too much for me to pass up) Very loosely based off of this song by hozier
Summary: Alphas are rare, Omegas even moreso. The standard for society is being a Beta, but unfortunately you weren’t born as one. Being an Omega is a presentation so detestable that it’s hard to even survive. In an era where it’s completely normal to cast you from the village for simply existing, to keep you blind from what it is to truly be an Omega, will there be any respite for you? (Yes, this is a period piece)
Word Count: 5.8k
Warnings: A/B/O, dubcon (since the readers in heat), predator/prey, a little blood, one slap, breeding, overstimulation, unprotected sex
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“Do you ever get the feeling that they are lying to you?” you stare at the weathered wooden boards of the porch before you dare to glance at her face. The miller’s daughter was an omega as well, and often you found yourself gravitating to her if only out of comfort. The one of few in the village that could relate to you. She looked so soft in the morning sun, so lighthearted and gentle as she picked at the frayed patchwork of her dress.
“I don’t like to think about it too much or else I scare myself, y/n” she giggles. 
So Naïve.
You mull it over before coming to the conclusion that you and her are not the same. “I guess I understand” 
Her father always says she’s too kind, but that’s exactly what was so endearing. A world where it was normal to treat people like you and her as lesser, and she was still so kind. Absently, you wondered if you'd ever see her again after her next heat. It had been too long since an omega went missing.
“Will you still be walking with me to the market?”
“Ah, mother seems to have found some extra fabric that had been tucked away somewhere, so I suppose not. However, I’m glad you came to visit y/n!” she giggles as you stick your tongue out at her like a child. 
The walk there gives you an opportunity to think of her words. Was denial better than the fear that came along with the truth?
Plenty of omegas had gone missing. When you were younger, the elders would tell you that there was a man who lived on the edge of the forest. He wasn't an alpha, or a beta, or even an omega. He was only a monster. 
The path stretches before you and the heat of the summer sun is almost enough to make you turn around. But you persist, the idea of returning home empty handed was enough to make you ignore the sting on the back of your neck. 
This man, this beast, would eat omegas. That’s why it was important to return home before dark, the man in the forest used the cover of night to hunt; to take. that’s why omegas always went missing in the village. 
You momentarily take refuge in the cool water in the creek on the outskirts of the village, watching idly as water swirled around your bare feet.
When were you old enough to realize the flaws of that story? Was it your first heat? When with shaky hands, your mother had packed you enough provisions for the week and whispered for you to leave? Or was it the anger in your father’s voice when you asked to stay and he bitterly told you that omegas only brought misfortune?
You sigh. No, it was the day you'd found out one of the few remaining omegas hadn’t come back and that truth had only been a hard pill to swallow for you. No one seemed to care, it was as if the man in the forest didn’t scare them, had never scared them.
Not much sooner had you made the connection. Alphas were few and far between, but omegas were even more scarce. The ones who couldn’t find omegas settled down with betas, but what would a married alpha do when an unclaimed omega went into heat? Only the forest knew.
Sometimes you wished the beast was real, and still the lie had persisted. The younger omegas believed it to be the wood smith and while he was a recluse, so much so that you'd never even seen him, he was far too young to be the monster from your youth. He’d only made his appearance in the village every so often, and in truth he hadn’t lived in the area for that long. You let them hold on to their delusion instead, not wanting to be the one to burst their bubble.
Your heat was many moons away, but the fear of living still persisted.
The water feels nice on your neck, gentle and cooling as you scoop handfuls of it over your burning skin. It makes you forget about everything for a second, soothing over you like an expensive balm. Somehow, It reminds you of when you were little, before you presented and the friends you'd made in the village. Small and unassuming, no worries about presentation or etiquette. Just young and carefree. The thought brings a smile to your face.
Now, boys your age would rather die than be seen with an Omega, not that you cared about their indifference. In their minds it was completely warranted, and in yours the Betas had nothing to offer you. You both saw each other as fundamentally useless. No one gave mind to insects, most of the time they were just there. Some were cruel, yes, but most went their way, and you went yours. That was the best you could ask for.
Sighing, you pick the coin purse out of your pocket, taking a moment to count the few coins your mother had given you. 
It was barely enough to buy thread, but you weren’t surprised. Her and father were still angry that you'd ripped another hole in your dress again since it was one of the little clothing items they had granted you. If it weren’t for the fact that the hole steadily became bigger, threatening the integrity of the entire garment, you don’t think it would’ve been mended at all.
The wind swirls around you, reminding you of your task and the repercussions of wasting time. 
With a grunt, you force yourself back up and onto the road, sidestepping a rather large man carrying probably one of the largest baskets of wood you'd ever seen.
Mother says that its impolite to stare, so you don’t let your gaze linger for too long, but the sight was unusual to say the least. He’s tall, so tall in fact that you have to peer up to even try to see his face, eventually you give up and your gaze ends at the well toned muscles of his chest that are thinly veiled underneath a rather dingy tunic. You couldn’t judge him, right now you were wearing the same dress that desperately needed patching up. Still, he was somewhat of an unbelievable height, it was hard not to wonder of his presentation. Surely, there couldn’t be Betas that tall, but it was even more so unbelievable for him to be an Alpha. The Alphas in your town were well known, their large presence in the village applauded by most and avoided by Omegas. Like the tavern owner with wandering hands under the guise of drunkenness and the butcher who stared a little too long that one might find it indecent. 
 as you make your way through the village opening you can feel his presence pressing closer behind you with each step. It’d be easier to know for certain if the wind carried his scent, but at the present moment it was blowing yours in his direction, a thought that was a little unnerving to you. Nevertheless, you persisted, pushing past the mounting feeling in your chest that seemed to get worse the louder his footsteps became behind you. Surely, he was just selling the basket on his back at the market. And since he was a stranger to you, It would make sense for him to follow you so closely there if he wasn't from the village.
You let yourself relax, tense shoulders easing up as you finally come to the only conclusion that made sense. You were an Omega; A Beta had no better reason to follow you other than directions.
The sun still beats overhead, making the exposed skin of your face damp with sweat. With little thought, you wipe it away with the handkerchief stashed inside your pocket. It was little more than torn fabric that mother had no use for, but you appreciated when she had given it to you nonetheless. 
The market wasn't busy for this time of day, which you were grateful for. Less people to cast you a distasteful glare as you silently perused through the stalls in search for thread. It only takes a few moments to find it at a stand with colorful fabrics, pins and needles and textiles that were definitely worth more than anything you'd ever own.
The smile on your face lights up as you find the cheapest option available, speaking quietly to the stall owner you ask for it.
You're met with silence, its only when you look at them that you realize they aren’t even looking at you. Instead, you follow their gaze behind you, to the burly man who had somehow gotten close enough to block out your view of the sun. 
“Gorgeous too, huh?” he smiles down at your shocked face, even daring to lean down, hand gripping your jaw to force your head up, leaving your neck exposed to him. He’s not quick about it either, his nose coming to scent you as he indulges himself in the smell he finds there. 
“And where have you been hiding?” he whispers it, a secret between the both of you that your too scared to acknowledge. In stark contrast, you've been rooted to the spot, too scared to do much of anything as the complete stranger ungracefully takes his time mulling you over. 
It’s a funny thing, he can smell just how frightened you are, but it doesn’t mask the scent that made him follow you in the first place. 
The scene is far too intimate for such a public space, and subconsciously, you're aware of that. You know this isn’t right, you shouldn’t be letting yourself get so carried away by the stranger, even if he does smell wonderful. Nothing like any Alpha you’ve met. Although his presence is completely overwhelming, his scent isn’t, and he lets out a breathless laugh when you subtly try to scent him back. 
The only thing that snaps you back to reality is the stall owner clearing their throat, forcing you to realize how blatantly improper you were being. It’s far too embarrassing to handle, and mortification sets into your bones. The man pays them no mind, instead using one of his large hands to slam a few bills onto the counter.
“Whatever she wants” his voice comes out as a low and guttural thing, hoarse from days of disuse, as his breath fans across your face. He thinks it’s cute, the way your eyebrows shoot up makes his grin even wider. 
With shaky hands you point to the cheapest bobbin of thread, hands fumbling for your coin purse before he grabs your wrist. “What did I say, Omega?” its stern, but all you can manage to do is bumble over your words, eyes cast downwards as you try to ignore the embarrassment settling on your face. He was just trying to be nice, maybe he was a tad bit uncivilized about it, but his impropriety shouldn’t make it okay to decline such a kind offer. The thread is taken from the counter, his hand slowly ruffling the folds of your dress as he finds your pocket and drops it in.
At this point you’ve become a spectacle, passersby muttering not so subtly about just how close you are to him, how rude it was to make a scene like that in public. With a cough you back away, surprised to find that he doesn’t follow, only aims a grin at you as he continues to stare. Not wanting to leave on a sour note, you ask
“What’s your name?”
  Maybe one day you could repay the favor, although he didn’t look like the type to need to buy thread. He didn’t look like the type to care that much about his appearance at all, if you were being honest.
“its Uvogin. Gimme what’s in your pocket.”
“The thread?” with a wolfish smile he shakes his head no. It takes you a moment but clumsily you pad at the dress before finally finding your pocket and dipping your hand in to pull out the tiny wad of fabric in question. The only other thing in your pocket besides your coin purse. Your handkerchief. You don’t think about it as you hand it over to Uvogin, your head feels fuzzy just by his proximity. Don’t even think about how closely he must’ve been watching you to see that you had one, or how long he’d been doing so as he walked behind you and into the market. Right now, he could ask for a lot of things and you'd gladly hand it all to him with no second thoughts about it.
“You should head home. Maybe get some rest before it happens” he leans closer to sniff at your throat one last time, albeit a lot quicker than he had in the past “Although, I don’t think you’ll have much time.” The end of his sentence comes out in as a laugh, jovial enough to make you forget how sinister his final words were. With little grace, you slowly backpedal, eyes still on his before you turn around and walk out the way you came.
You smell. You reek of him. It’s the only thought in your mind as you clutch at yourself tightly, eyes cast downwards to avoid the shame of looking at others. There wasn't a pair of eyes that didn’t linger on you, most likely smelling exactly what you smelled; The stench of an Alpha. So thick and cloying that you couldn’t pretend it was anything other. Maybe you could rinse it off in the creek before you got home, but you doubted it. The smell permeated through your dress and settled into your bones. Quickly, you head out of the village and towards the sound of running water. 
He was handsome, his scent so alluring that it made your mind wander as you tried desperately to rinse it off of your skin. A hint of sweat, pine and something sweet you had no name for. Sitting on your haunches, you let out a whine at the fact that nothing you did could rinse it off, and part of you didn’t want to, anyway. He’d ruined your dress by doing little more than touching it. If your parents smelled it, who knows what they would do. Probably cast you out like they’d planned on doing when you tore your dress. Any little infraction was worth your disappearance. This would give them every reason not to want you around. 
It seemed to be getting hotter. So hot in fact you were half tempted to wade into the creek, dress and all, just to get the feeling to go away. The sun had been hidden by an overcast sky, clouds threating to burst at any moment, and you prayed they would. It could drown out any scent lingering on your skin, your clothes, the far recesses of your mind that held onto it like a bloodhound. Why was it so hot?
Wordlessly, you waded into the water, thinking little of the repercussions of coming home with a sopping wet dress as you sat down, letting the stream flow over you and around your shoulders. It felt soothing at first, like a cool bath when you were sick, but all too soon the water felt just as warm as you were. It. Was enough to elicit another strangled whine from your throat.
Slowly you stood, the weight of the fabric hugging tighter against your skin all too noticeable. This wasn't right. The sun was gone, the water cool, so why did you feel so sick all of a sudden?
It took a minute to fully accept it, as part of you didn’t want to. But you couldn’t excuse the need growing in your abdomen as anything else.
You had to leave here, quick. Get as far away from the village as possible. Away from the Omegas and your family, away from everything in order to have a chance at saving yourself.
Wading out of the water, you give no pause to the way your skirts cast dark droplets onto the dry ground. 
 With little to no hesitation, you make your way back onto the road before veering right, into the underbrush as you picked up the pace. Before, you'd have a day’s head start to get as far away as possible, but this was different. The telltale signs of your heat stirring low in the pit of your belly was a fortnight too early. Your thoughts were already starting to fog around the edges, an in a few hours all you'd be able to do was cry out from the sheer pain of it all.
 With every step you find yourself walking faster, legs getting whipped by the low lying brambles. The way they so easily tear into your skin going almost unnoticed by you in your sheer panic. It wasn't supposed to be this way, it’s a type of confusion that adds on to the delirium already buffing away at your subconscious. 
After a few minutes of running, only your panicked gasps keeping you company, the clouds burst above you. Fat drops soaking the underbrush and you along with it. In no time the ground beneath your feet becomes even more treacherous, mud and leaves and errant roots making you stumble and fall at every opportunity. After one nasty fall, you can't help but sit for a moment, a manic chuckle ripping through your chest as you examine your skinned palms. Your dress is filthy, the tear even larger than it had been when you set out this morning. Absently you wonder if mother will let you try to mend it before she casts you out for it. Without looking down at your legs, you already know the bruises that will be there from every bump and fall you’ve taken on your little journey. It does little to worry you, once the adrenaline wore off, maybe then you'd feel yourself start to care again.
With a sigh you let yourself rest. Hypervigilance slipping as you gaze up at the canopy in awe. How could rain be so loud? 
Mentally, you try to assess your location. There was a place not far from here that served as your hideaway in times like these. A fissure in the face of a sheer cliff, only big enough for you and any other Omega that had the misfortune of being cast out into the woods. It wasn't much, the crack was uncovered, the rain and wet still able to reach you, but that wasn’t what was important. 
Standing up gives you a better view of your surroundings. With little thought you start to head in the direction you remembered, down the slope of the hill in hopes of finding your salvation at the bottom. 
It doesn’t take long before you hear it. Crackling branches under heavy, heavy footsteps. It’s not a promising sign, to say the very least. Feverishly you pick up the pace, mind racing as you try to figure out who would’ve followed you. It’s not like you did much to hide where you were going, in truth you didn’t think about it at all. Mind glazing over, you don’t notice the thick tree root that’s in your way, stumbling over it as your palms meet the forest floor once again. Ungracefully, your body tumbles easily down the rest of the slope, a cry leaving you as you hit the ground repeatedly. 
Uvo’s laugh is audible over the thunderous sound of rain. Its jarring. A wretched reminder that you're actively being hunted down like an animal.
“Sounds like I’m getting close, huh?” he yells, still too far away for you to see him under the darkened canopy. His voice echoes and you can't tell where exactly he is behind you, only knowing that its entirely too close for comfort. Hazily, your mind makes the connection, his voice rattling back in your ears over and over again as you pick yourself up. 
You can’t say that you've gotten any faster after realizing who exactly was chasing you. The ache in your body from multiple falls was finally catching up to you, along with the heat that was settling low in the pit of your stomach that seemed to be burning even brighter than a few minutes ago.
After a few minutes of running, you see it and almost sob with relief. Thick with vines, the opening of the rockface, your salvation, is almost within distance. 
“I hope you're not thinkin’ of doing what I think you're gunna do.” Its not a yell. Not anything other than an irritated statement thrown so casually and so, so close to you that it causes goosebumps to rise on the back of your neck.  Quickly, you look behind you, a slight yip leaving your throat as you take in the distance between the both of you.
In a last ditch effort, your body works on autopilot. Fear drives you, pushes you faster and faster until the only thing you can hear is the thrumming of your own heart in your ears. He’s loud behind you, yelling something unintelligible as you try to make your escape. You're within reaching distance of the opening now, but his hands grab at you. The slickness of the rain serves in your favor. Easily you slip from his grasp, body lurching forward and into the opening as he tears at the shoulder of your dress.
The air surrounding him seems to vibrate with raw anger, something akin to a roar tearing through him at just how close he’d come to having you.
Big hands come to slam against either side of the opening as he peers down at your shrunken form. Chest heaving, the rain glints off of his skin and the image alone is enough to make you whimper in submission. He’s so tall, broader than any Alpha you'd seen, and he’s incredibly angry. Uvo’s gaze doesn’t leave you as the seconds tick by.  After a few moments of him trying, and failing, to collect himself he finally speaks
“I’m not gunna hurt ya, now come here” he says, and it sounds sincere enough that your fuzzy brain almost believes him. Almost gives in to the temptation of his scent, his open arms goading you to leave the small space.
“I don’t believe you” you whine, shaking your head ‘no’ as if he wouldn’t understand the meaning of your words.
It’s so unbelievably hot. The fat drops of rain hitting your face and soaking you through to your very core did little to relieve the feeling. if anything, it overwhelmed your heightened senses, every little drop on your skin felt like something you needed to pay close attention to.
“Just wanna make you feel better” the statement alone forces a whimper out of your throat, body edging backwards as if to physically deny him
“You can't make me feel better, no one in this damn town can make me feel better.” it’s a lot more hysterical than you meant it, but Uvo’s face contorts in confusion all the same.
It’s quiet for a moment as he assesses you. Big green eyes rake over your shivering form, more anger than pity bubbling to the surface of his features as he realizes how much he doesn’t like what he sees.
“You don’t know anything, huh?” he mumbles to himself, letting one of his large hands swipe away the excess water on his face before settling on his hip “What’s it gunna take for you to come out then?”
You want to tell him to leave, to let you be alone but another part of you wants something. Something you can't explain enough to even know yourself.
“Just don’t hurt me, okay?” no matter how much you try to calm yourself down it still comes out too whiny and nasally for your liking.
Uvo laughs at that, boisterous and loud and it almost seems to overpower the sound of heavy rain hitting the tree branches around you.
“I just told you I wouldn’t, you forget that already?” you have half a mind to nod in affirmation, “Come on out then” he gestures towards you, wolfish smile marring his face.
As if to try and soothe you, he asks for your name. The question eats away at the open air before you finally find your voice enough to answer him.
In the quiet that precedes your answer you realize numbly that It’s getting darker out. You have no provisions and now you’re drenched. If you didn’t listen and stayed put, the rest of your heat would be torture. There’s a lot to consider, truthfully too much to consider in your current state. The ramifications of your actions, the honesty of the large man in front of you, the means in which he planned to help, how long you could actually survive out here without him. Your brain functions moved with the viscosity of syrup. The more you thought about it all, the less it seemed to make sense.
Quietly, you make your way to the opening, Uvo lets out an excited laugh as you crawl ever closer to him. It doesn’t take more than a few steps before a gasp is being torn from you as he grabs you by the arm, pulling you completely out and into his embrace. It feels nice, albeit a little jarring, but you won’t deny the full feeling in your chest at his proximity. A big and sturdy hand rakes up your side as the other holds you to his chest.
With little thought, you bury your face in the crook of his neck, relishing in the scent that hasn’t been completely washed away by the rain. Its calming, maybe he’s pumping out pheromones to induce that emotion within you, but at the same time it makes the coil in the pit of your stomach reach incredibly high temperatures. It hurts, oh god, it hurts
“Hurts, huh? I can fix that.” You don’t remember saying it aloud, but the burly man responds quickly by tearing the flimsy fabric of your dress, making sure to rip through your underwear as well. When you whine at the sensation all he does is mutter “Didn’t expect me to let you keep that ratty thing did you?”
It’s a makeshift blanket once he tosses it onto the ground, saving your back from most of the drenched forest floor as Uvo sets you down, his own body hovering over yours. His warmth is so nice, nothing like what’s eating you up inside, and with needy hands you run your fingers through his hair, a high pitched whine leaving your throat at the groan you coax from him.
“Fuck” he growls “M’gunna knot you so good. Bet it’ll only take one time before I get you nice and round”
You nod up at him, delirious and wanting. The only thing on your mind being the feel of him under your fingers.
With little finesse, Uvo thumbs at the opening of your sex before sliding over the bundle of nerves that lies just above it. He smiles at the confusion on your face before slowly, slowly sinking one of his large fingers inside of your heat. Your body writhes with broken sobs at the feeling. Its unlike anything you ever experienced before. 
“All this for me, huh? Must really want it.” It comes out in a huff, his smile ever growing as you nod in affirmation. You can hear the slickness he’s referring to as his finger pumps in and out of you. 
Right now the wind was bustling, rain beating down harder than it had been all night, but all that you could feel was the comfort Uvo gave you. As if his wandering hands were stroking your very soul.
Unbeknownst to you, Uvo’s already dipped another digit inside of you, marveling at the way your body so easily opens up to his touch.  It’ll only take him a few more minutes of his fingers dutifully scissoring you open before he’s able to lay his claim. 
“Doesn’t hurt, does it?” he smiles as you shake your head, mouth open and panting as your lovestruck gaze meets his “Of course it doesn’t.”
He takes his time, languid strokes and teasing bites against your chest. No rush in his movements until you brokenly sob for him. The feeling in your gut was only getting worse with every movement. With weak hands you claw at him, trying desperately to pull his body closer.
His hand moves from your cunt, popping his digits in his mouth with a groan. When he finally sucks them clean, his hands go to his belt, “Impatient little thing” whispered from his lips.
The sight alone makes your mouth water. Too long and jarringly thick, his cock slaps up against his stomach. 
“Gunna make you feel a loot better” he mumbles, taking himself in hand. God, you want it, want every bit of him no matter the repercussions. He kneels above you, chest wet and heaving with excitement as his gaze lingers on your exposed pussy. A Grecian God chiseled from marble and sent here just for you. 
With steady hands he presses you your legs up, folding you in half until hes achieved the angle he’s looking for. You have no choice but to comply, whimpering as he guides himself into your aching cunt.
The stretch of it burns, it makes your body quake almost as if the size of his cock alone has rendered you weak. It’s an overwhelming sensation that eats away any rational thought until you can only focus on the piercing sharpness of it.
“Stop, please, s’too much.” You can't recognize the sound of your own voice. Its hoarse as if you'd been yelling for hours. Uvogin buries his nose in your neck again, hands coming up to press your legs to even further against your chest.
“Here… got somethin’ to take your mind off it” 
With little warning his teeth are in your neck, tearing a wretched scream from your throat as Uvo draws blood. True to his word, he sinks the entirety of his length within you without your notice. Only thing on your mind is the feeling of your flesh being torn open by him, claimed by him. 
There’s’ little compassion in the way his hips snap against yours. Its brutal, making you cry out even more as the force of it jostles the teeth still buried snugly in your neck. Your hands claw at the ground before eventually settling on his back. Uvo groans at your nails digging into him, spurring him on to go faster, harder, to give you everything he’s got until you drain him dry.
The noise of Uvo thrusting into your warm cunt is loud, almost deafening compared to the rain around you. It’s all you can hear; All you can feel as he doesn’t waste any time in finding the exact spot within you that makes you scream.
Every shift of his hips is maddening. Every sharp thrust enough to push the air out of your lungs. Eventually Uvo’s mouth pulls away from your throat, lapping at the bloodied mess he’d left there. You can't focus on it too much. Can't focus on much of anything at the present moment, only the slick sounds of his cock dragging in and out of you filling your mind. 
“Gunna need you to do somethin’ for me, doll” his words are almost too far away for you to hear. As if he’s underwater, it takes a light slap to your face in order for you to process them.
“Huh?” you ask dumbly. You can't remember if your voice always sounded that small. That meek. 
“M’not gunna last long with the way you’re suckin’ me in like this” he growls “Gunna need you to bite down.” One of his hands that was previously holding your thigh up reaches for the nape of your neck, pulling you up until your face is flush against the side of his throat. Something is growing inside of you, burning through your very being and he’s the cause of it. It’s mind numbing, this pleasure you’ve never felt before. Lazily you recognize it enough to know that your own orgasm is mere seconds away.
“Right here.” you nod, heat searing through you as his hips stutter. There’s something catching against your cunt now, impeding every kiss of his hips against yours as he struggles to fit the rest of his cock inside.
With an audible groan being your only warning, Uvo cums inside of you. It sears against your insides as something finally stops his movements, his body unable to do anything besides grind against your own. So full, you jerk with the feeling, finally letting the coil inside you snap. The scream that leaves your broken throat is cut off by Uvo shoving your face harder against his neck and, dutifully, you bite down. Its mere instinct driving you, or maybe the need to drown out your warbled cries for him. Either way, the wound makes him laugh, his hand pushing harder against you as if to force your teeth further into his skin. The tang of metal in your mouth does little to stop the ebb and flow of your orgasm as it washes through you. It’s too good, so good in fact you find yourself pulling away only to be met with Uvo’s unshakeable grip. Tears prick at your eyes at the sensitivity of it all, the overwhelming buzz that courses through you with no end in sight.
It takes a minute of blindly thrashing against him before you give up and settle on the wet ground below.
It’s completely pitch dark now and the rain has quieted into a slight drizzle. You can't see him, can only feel as the hand not gripping your neck finally lets your other thigh down to ghost over the plains of your face. 
“You're mine now” he whispers. Silently, you nod your head in agreement, not fully understanding the meaning of his words. It didn’t matter. Nothing truly mattered anymore besides the man above you. Uvo presses a lingering kiss to your neck, your jaw, before landing on your spit slicked lips. It’s almost soothing, the gentle touches his attentive hands leave on your body. Soothing enough to make you forget how you got here. 
With a gentle tug, he finally pulls out of your sex. The laugh that leaves his throat as his fingers explore the wetness that paints your lower body is euphoric. Soon enough he’s pulling you into his arms and standing up.
“Feel better?” it sounds like more of a statement coming from his mouth, but you nod all the same. As he starts to walk your eyelids droop in exhaustion, mind focused on the way his chest vibrates with every garbled sentence you can't quite hear.
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n1ngselle · 3 years ago
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—“ NCT HAECHAN #! royal + enemies to lovers au
happy early birthday ?? @chicksung <3 1.2k words
I tried my best with this [ almost gave up halfway ]
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you had a mission — make the young king of nct fall for you, kill him and take over his kingdom. it was a simple thing to do, you’ve seduced and tricked tons of men, this shouldn’t be too hard, until it became a tough mission. your kingdom was previously attacked by his kingdom, both your parents had some disputes which led to their deaths, and his kingdom won, leaving you and your advisors no choice but to send you to nct to get married to this young king so that your kingdom could thrive.
and you were lucky enough that their kingdom agreed to the marriage, which gave you plenty of chances to interact with him.
but after spending months with this him, you were starting to think this mission is impossible. he flirts with literally every woman his eyes land on, giving them sly winks and teasing remarks whenever he interacts with one of them.
so obviously he did the same thing to you, and god is he good at this. you just want to punch him most of the time, how the hell are you going to make him fall for you when you’re the one falling for him ? you’re not supposed to, he’s your enemy, the new king of the kingdom that killed your parents.
You tried everything you could, wearing gowns that showed more skin than usual, putting on different perfumes and jewellery to get his attention but he was always looking at other women.
A few months in, a ball was held to celebrate the start of a certain festival in the kingdom, and you decided that today is the day where you will give your everything to either have him under your spell, or end him right here.
your maids dressed you in your finest gown, dark blue dress where dotted with tiny stars which hugged your curves perfectly as you strapped your golden dagger on your thigh. Everything was ready. you were sure that he would be falling for you like all the previous men did in no time.
the party had already begun when you reached the ballroom, the tall ceiling were decorated with beautiful flowers, the whole place felt like a fairytale secret garden.
“why, aren’t you lovely tonight.”
as you scanned the room to look for the young king, renjun, the kingdom’s sorcerer approached you with a small smile, wine in his hand.
“thank you.”
“what, you’re not gonna say ‘you too’ ?”
“why would I ? you look exactly the same every day.”
“… that’s fair. looking for his majesty so you can get his attention again ?”
you turned your head slightly to look at him, trying not to let your surprise show. he didn’t exactly say it, but you knew that he knows something about your plan. He is the most powerful soccer in their kingdom after all, small things like these are easy to spot for him. You had also spent most of your time with him when haechan was away, and you decided that you would keep renjun by your side to help you when you do take over the throne.
“of course I’m looking for him, isn’t it natural for two people that are getting married soon to be spending time together ?”
“hmm, whatever you say.”
renjun disappeared in an instant within the crowds, leaving you frowning at the young king you just spotted in the distance. He was laughing at something a girl whispered into his ear, her breasts pressing firmly on the side of this biceps. You rolled your eyes as you downed the wine your hands, deciding to wait till he asks you for a dance as it is expected of the king and future queen to dance.
a few minutes later, haechan walked over to you as the song currently being played comes to an end and extended one hand out to you.
“care to join me for a dance m’lady ?”
he raised one eye brow as he shot you a smirk, eyes going from your face and then downwards. You placed your hands in his and the two of you walked into the middle of the room.
“so you finally remembered that I still exist ? or were the girls too boring for your liking ?”
“of course I remember you ! how could I forget such a lovely young lady like you ? and not the mention that you’ll be my queen soon.”
“which leads me to my next question, when are you going to stop flirting around with those girls ?”
“what, you’re jealous ? you know I only have eyes for you.”
“only a dumbass would believe that.”
“now now, that’s no way to call yourself.”
“and why does that even matter to you ?”
haechan’s hand slid lower down your back and pulled you closer, your lips almost touching.
“because I love you.”
you pushed away and sighed, you will not be falling for this stupid words that he probably said to a 100 girls.
“can we get out of here ? It’s getting stuffy.”
“as you wish, princess.” he smiled before releasing you from his grasp and led you through the dancing crowd and towards the garden.
once the two of you were outside, the cool autumn air calmed your nerves and you began your plan. you asked him about his childhood and the two of you shared stories of the interesting things that had happened before.
as you walked by the castle wall that also happened to be the one blind spot of the castle, you shoved him up onto it and trapped him with your body.
“woah calm down, we can always do it in our room !”
“shut up, you die tonight.”
your hand swiftly unsheathed the dagger from your thighs and you pressed it against his throat, eyes glaring up at him, your hatred for him finally began clouding your mind once again.
But almost immediately, he flipped your positions and now you’re the one with your back against the wall and dagger at your throat while he frames you with his body and looks down at you.
but what scared you most was his face, he wasn’t smiling or teasing you anymore, instead, it looked like he was sad and in pain, eyes suddenly full of emotions you’ve never seen from him before.
“sometimes you really make my blood boil. I know you want to kill me, I’ve found poisons and daggers in your room and I know why you want to do it. but I am not my parents, and so are you. and you … you with your revealing dresses and flirting, it drives me crazy and I have to avoid you by flirting with other girls so I don’t fall for your tricks. I also meant what I said back there, you may not believe me and I don’t expect you to, but I will prove it to you.”
“I-"
“goodnight, dream of me princess.”
and with that, he left you standing there, processing everything that just happened. You did not expect him to tell you that. but now, you were even more interested in in getting his attention and what he’s gonna do to impress you.
maybe he isn’t so bad after all.
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elysianslove · 4 years ago
Note
Hi! <3 I'm the roomate hc anon again (lol) and can I request best friends to lovers hc for iwaizumi, kuroo and oikawa? Also this blog is gonna blow up soon so remember me when you're famous bro 😌✊️❤️
OMG HI AGAIN! i’m so sorry this is late :( but oh my the excitement that flooded through me when i saw this request hsvhjsd. i really hope you enjoy this!! also vshdks i luv u bb THANK YOU.
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iwaizumi hajime
im making these as detailed as fuck so i apologize in advance <3
becoming best friends with hajime was a very out of the blue thing 
the two of you shared a lot of classes together, and since you were always seeing each other, you’d choose each other as partners a lot 
you’d sit next to him in all the classes that you could
you’d meet up a lot during school breaks and just hang out 
you two clicked very well honestly, like you found that it was so easy to talk to him, and it was so easy to lose yourself in the conversation 
most of your convos are v mature and sophisticated too like
it’s nice when you can talk to someone on the same brain wavelength as you yk 😼
anyways overtime you’d come to his practice sessions, and even if they were long you’d just stay and watch bc why not
if you had hw to do and he noticed you were a lil stressed about it, he’d tell u to come study while he practiced as a change of scenery and all 
he’d walk you home almost every night at this point
oikawa noticing and being jealous <3 
“they’re stealing you from me!” “they’re not— what is wrong with you oikawa.” 
okay so this best friend stuff has been going on for a long time
long enough for you to realize you wanted more from him
but this is iwaizumi hajime and it’s almost impossible to know what he’s thinking 
like
ever 
so you just keep it to yourself, thinking it’s just a small crush and it’s not worth ruining what the two of you have at this rate 
so all this had happened first year, and when you’re nearing the end of your second year
that’s when you realize that
shit
it’s not just a crush
and when you have feelings for someone, every little thing they do expands a million times in your head
so a hug from him that you’d once never go over twice has you thinking about it as you go to sleep
the hoodies he’d lend you during practice while you stayed in the gym bc it was ungodly cold in there now send tingles down your spine at the lingering scent of him
the way he’d grab your hand to drag you somewhere now leave a heavy effect on your palm, forcing you to trace it once he’s gone 
his texts give you butterflies 
every time his name pops up on your phone screen you have a mini heart attack
and yeah
those are all symptoms of a crush
but is a crush meant to last this long? 
at the start of your third year, you greet him outside of the school gates after not seeing you all summer
he smiles so bright and hugs you so, so tightly 
you already are so hyperaware of how strong iwa is
but the feelings you have for him that won’t go away are so not helping your fixation on the feel of his biceps 
anyways before this becomes v nsfw 
you two catch up like u had met yesterday 
and then at the end of the day, after practice, which you stay for bc u missed ur vbc boys 🥺
he walks you home 
like always
and as he stands by your front door, in a burst of courage, he takes your hand in his and pulls you harshly towards him, pushing his body against yours and capturing your lips in a heated kiss
it’s so messy and harsh and you pretty much collided 
but holy shit
you were pretty sure fireworks erupted when you two kissed
years of pining and what had felt like unrequited love finally being resolved 
it’s the most satisfying feeling ever
you never want to stop kissing him
but alas </3 
when he pulls back, you’re both breathing so heavily 
you’re not sure if it’s the adrenaline or the kiss itself 
and he just looks at you and goes “did u tan while you’re away ur eyes look brighter” 
no sir i am in love with you
when you two officiate things 
he’s actually way shyer than he was as best friends??? 
like as best friends he wouldn’t feel slightly weird about hugging you in public or grabbing at your hand randomly or being seen alone with you
but now like
people know ??? and somehow that scares iwa 
or makes him uncomfortable 
idk he just feels iffy
but ur so understanding bless ur heart <3 
ur so careful with him and take it at his own pace 
zero pda at the start of the relationship 
like he won’t even wanna hug u in front of the seijoh team 
but slowly he warms up 
and he starts getting more comfortable with things like hand holding and occasional pecks on the cheek/lips 
your traditions as best friends don’t die as lovers 
if anything you believe in them even more 
now you watch more diligently during practice 
you proudly attend his games in his jersey, cheering the loudest for him (and for the rest of the boys bc they: best) 
walks home with you are so much more serene 
always gives you a kiss before he parts ways 
idk it’s like some sort of commemoration for your first kiss/confession 
unless you invite him inside 😏
this is so fucking long im so sorry i just love iwa 
anyways anybody want boyfriend!iwa headcanons i got a lot hehe 
to conclude, it was so gradual and inevitable with the two of you, and you’re forever glad it happened when it did and you hadn’t rushed anything <3333
oikawa tōru
unlike hajime, this wasn’t something that took one or two years
this bitch couldn’t admit he was in love with you for like 10 years okay 
you’ve known him for the majority of your life, because you’d always lived in close proximity to each other 
but you were never best friends yk? just acquaintances 
it was around the end of middle school when you two got close
cause you saw he was applying to aoba johsai for high school
and you were like !!! i’m going there too 
at first he was like stop copying me 😾 
you guys had a staring contest bc y’all are idiots and there were legit tears streaming down ur face but u were not about to lose to a pissbaby like him
he blinked 😁👍🏼
and he lost 
and then he decided “you’re my best friend now ” 
anyways aside iwa, he now had someone else he was going into high school with
like it’s a completely new environment but he had two people he very much liked going with him !!! 
when the time came around to like apply for/join clubs, you had been so clueless 
but toru stuck by you !! and he was so adamant on helping you !! 
he would sit with you after school as he practiced tossing with hajime and just brainstorm with you what you liked to do
it’s what brought you two closer together
cause you realized just how many things in common you had with him 
for a full week he tried to help you come up with something
for the sake of this hc let’s say u decide to join the newsletter club 
you’re very wary at first but then he’s like when ur part of it you’ll visit the vbc regularly so u can take pictures/observe to write essays 
the fact that toru would be there kinda set you at ease 
now you’ve never seen toru play properly 
he’s practiced in front of you before
plenty of times
but a proper match? or a practice one? 
never 
so it’s safe to say u were in awe when you got assigned to go watch a practice match against (idk pick a school) 
it’s embarrassing to admit but your eyes were on him the entire time 
thank god he became the captain later on else it’d be so sus 
you really tried to pay attention to anybody else lmfao 
it’s kinda what drew you to him more
you still didn’t really have feelings
you only realized just how passionate he is about everything 
at some point you had an essay to write for your newsletter about the volleyball club
but you were having a hard time like really getting into it
so you immediately just called toru and were like “help 😃” 
he came over and you asked him a bunch of questions, and he would go on deadass 20 min rants for each of them
you were just 
so amazed 
like how could someone have so much passion for something like this?
you realize how but that’s for later
overtime you two got closer bc of how much your work was associated with him
he’s incredible as a best friend 
he’s the first one with the school’s weekly newsletter as soon as it’s out
granted it’s to read the section about him but yk, the sentiment’s there 
also love, love, loves lazy days with you 
he doesnt even care if the boys know that he worships the chick flicks you two watch 
i feel like oikawa would be an avid anime watcher
idk why i just do 
so he’d be blasting anime theme songs on a speaker as you’re in the shower and he’s in your room waiting for you and you’re both just singing w the sound of water rushing down 
actually it’s not just anime songs it’s all songs 
a l l songs 
anyways
so you two get really close, and then he has a super important match coming up 
let’s say it’s the spring interhigh one against karasuno
the one they won
idk im just choosing at random 
and the night before he’s like begging you on text to wear his jersey
he’s like PLEASE NO ONE’S EVER DONE THAT FOR ME
you’re like bruh u have a cult following ????? 
but eventually u say yes
ur not really sure where it’s coming from but this is oikawa he’s an unpredictable as can be
when you show up in a jersey he so conveniently left at your house once
he’s so genuinely shocked even though he was the one that asked for this???
gives you the biggest hug like spins you around and just 
“you’re my lucky charm” 
when he wins 
after celebrating with his team
he runs over to you
and just
he kisses you
full on the mouth
it’s probably the rush and excitement of winning that gave him the courage to finally spill all his feelings out into this kiss
you’re in his jersey, in the stands and you genuinely feel like it’s only just the two of you
despite how sudden it was the kiss is so gentle, like he’d been planning it since forever 
“i told you you’re my lucky charm” he says as he rests his forehead against yours and kisses you gently again
oikawa had already been affectionate as your best friend
always displaying his love outwardly with like always calling out your name so loud whenever he sees you and giving you bone crushing hugs
deadass his 6’0 self will just jump on you 
but now it’s extra
makki always gags around the two of you but you just stick ur tongue out at him and go “ur just mad ur best friend’s getting some pussy/dick and ur not” 
makki then proceeds to shriek at you like a fucking banshee <3 
anyways 
yes 
oikawa best friends to lovers excellence is so cute eeeekkk
and now u always wear his jersey at games 
(u couldnt make it to the game against karasuno where they lost for whatever reason and he held it against u for the longest time)
(“maybe if a certain someone were there we wouldn’t have lost”)
what a big baby you love him
kuroo tetsurō
AH SEXY CHEMISTRY NERD 👅👅👅
kuroo as ur best friend 
im frothing 
i feel like you’d grow close after meeting at an event or something 
like you’re a friend of a friend of a friend 
i see kuroo as someone who’s so suave and cool and flirty with people he doesn’t have feelings for
but put the crush factor in and he’s a mess
like his brain just stops working
so when he first met you
he thought u were so fucking hot 
but that’s it
his lower body was doing all the thinking <3 
so he was so flirty 
and that’s essentially what your friendship is built off of 
and when friends are so flirty with each other, they generally grow close and trust each other really quickly 
ur not a nekoma student but ur in tokyo so you meet up often 
you just
it’s so nice to be around him
you find it so easy to just be yourself around him 
going out with him is super fun 
and a lot of the times you guys have study dates and you literally don’t talk except during the 10 min breaks you two take
it’s just hyper focus for the two of you which is great
he really channels the best student in you what a man ! 
i think during your third year of high school you two got insanely close
because you were highly unsure if you were gonna leave japan or stay 
so you wanted to make the most out of everything 
so you’d go out with him more often
he’d stay during the weekends and you two would like bake christmas goods all night even if it’s literally september lmfao
cuddling is so natural 
like you’re both so touchy with each other but not in a weird way just a super comfortable kind of way
like if you’re shorter than him, he’s always leaning his arm on you like you’re his arm rest 
it’s a win win bc he gets to touch you and tease you
wow the horny really jumped out in that one
anyways
you go to every single one of his games !!
cheer him on so!! fucking!! loud!!
you probably make a provocative sign and stand a chair and just wave it around and kuroo’s so heart eyes lmfao
the climb up to becoming lovers is so
natural? 
i think kuroo first realizes that maybe, yk, he wants those flirtatious comments to mean something and those random touches to hold more romantic value to them, when you two are out together
it’s a completely chill day and it’s not really warm not really chilly. you’re just comfortable 
he takes you to a park after buying the both of you ice cream from the stand across the street and sits down at a bench with you
just people watching 
and then it kinda goes really silent
but 
it’s not awkward??? like at all???
he’s not looking to fill the silence with any random words
he’s just
enjoying simply being with you
and he glances at you momentarily and it hits him like so hard just how pretty you are 
his eyes slightly widen like
holy fuck
what the f u ck
remember when i said he’s all cool until feelings come into play
yeah 😼
he literally freezes up and blurts out, without even meaning to, “i think i have feelings for you.” 
he really didnt even process he said that
you kinda
pause for a second
and then you realize what you said and you just smile and lean over towards him, lifting your thumb up to the corner of his lips and brushing away some ice cream
“you think?” you tease, and then at the spot where the ice cream was misplaced, you placed a gentle kiss
he kinda relaxes and then eyes you as he says, “i know.” 
it is just. heaven after that
i think the two of you would be less flirty around each other once becoming official 
like yeah he definitely comments once or twice every now and then and don’t get me wrong, so do you
but it’s just less frequent 
like a blanket has been lifted to uncover the true, hidden meanings behind the comments and you can now just breathe easier 
you two end up in the same uni on accident hevejsk
like you had a long ass talk about how it’s okay if you didn’t end up in the same uni you’d still make it work
and it would’ve worked tbh
fate just ships you two too much
when you told each other you were literally that spiderman meme of the two spidermen pointing at each other lmao
power couple of the uni
power couple of tokyo
power couple of japan
you’re literally so happy with him you wouldn’t trade him for the world 
and maybe you saw it coming 
but it still remains a shock whenever you wake up and he’s there laying next to you, smiling lazily at you before reaching over to give you a gentle kiss 
anyways happy early birthday king i love you kuroo hehe
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end note; i really had a lotta fun w this one omg!! thank you again for requesting, anon, and i hope everybody else enjoyed!! feel free to request, mwah <3
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beatleszeppelin · 3 years ago
Text
You're A... Inexperienced Chapter 2
Summary: On watch one night you find out some thing that Daryl has never done. And you offer him some experience.
Category: Friends to Lovers, Eventual Mild Smut, just a good ol’ time
Paring: Daryl x reader (second person)
Warnings/Includes: General Walking Dead grossness, Smut (but not in this chapter), swearing, use of weapons, non-graphic hunting, mention of past child abuse, (let me know if you see anything else)
Word count: 3k
Chapter 1 Masterlist
Chapter 2 Naked in a Lake
The next few days were fairly uneventful. Seeing Daryl only in passing. He stayed outside when you were in; you stayed outside when he stayed in.
Not even shifts brought you together. Since the fall of Woodbury, there have been plenty of new people taking shifts to give you all a break.
Most of your time was spent helping with the kids in the library when Carol was too busy doing important things to “babysit”. Or you occasionally helped out at the farm on the south side of the prison. Rick and Hershel had started it over the past few months, and already it had yielded some fine meals.
Those meals were also made courtesy of Daryl, who went out into the woods on the daily, not going far, but far enough to be out all day and come back with a belt full of squirrels and rabbits by night. You had no idea how he did it or how far he went, but he seemed to be used to the days of solitude, in nature alone.
That was all until he planned to go out a bit farther, only for a couple days, but that was more that he had been gone in a while, more than anyone had been alone for a while. When he shared these plans, you decided that you would go out hunting with him, you know, because there is safety in numbers, (and you were dying to see what he spent so much time doing everyday).
So when morning came, and it was time to leave you brought your bag and followed him to the gate. He squinted at you being blinded by the morning light that rose over the prison. “I’m coming with you, is that alright?” You asked him knowing that he couldn’t argue. You awaited his response, but it never came, instead he had the gate opened and held his arm out like a gentleman letting you lead.
You guys walked past the spikes that guarded the outside of the gates, just as the queens guards once did outside of Buckingham palace. Kicking rocks and dust clouds along the path, walking went fairly slow. Not much to say, not much to do this early in the morning. You hadn’t even waited for Carl and Carol’s shift, which normally signified morning, to start before you had left. (You were sure he had said good-bye to them, Rick, and Judith the night before though. He was good like that.)
When the sun, which was barely peering over the land when you left, had risen enough to give you a long shadow, stretched out in front of you; you decided it was time to eat. Taking the backpack off your shoulders, and unzipping it when it was in front of you, you pulled out a small loaf of bread. You broke it in half and handed some to Daryl. He gnashed into it like a rabid dog, grunting a thank you in between bites.
You nibbled off bites as you walked, trying to savor it as something to do. The scenery of trees and a dirt path was getting old. You couldn’t understand how someone could go out along this path all day every day.
It was hot, too. Hot and sweaty. By mid-day you felt as though you were dragging, lifting your legs in a pedantic manner. Daryl’s hair was stuck to his forehead, and he had stripped his poncho, just left in a cut off flannel. He seemed to be perfectly fine in the heat though, barely even touching his water.
You wonder if he stayed outside a lot before as well. There’s something about him that makes it so hard to imagine him in his house, in a domestic setting. Did he do the dishes, and make himself food? Was his room clean, did he make his bed every morning before work? Did he have a job? What did he do? But you know that wondering these things will only pass the time, because there is no way he’d ever casually mention his previous life.
People had tried guessing, to no avail. Beth’s new boyfriend, Zach, was the leader of the guessers, being followed by the children, and you’ve even discussed it with both Michonne and Carol before. It would really take something special to make him confess his stories to someone, who knows who could get that close to him though.
You spent the majority of your walk picturing him in an office setting, wearing a tie and answering phones. Or at a gas station glaring at little kids who try to stuff candy bars up their sleeves, scaring them into obeying the law.
Mechanic seemed to fit best. Not a sleazy mechanic that finds more things to break to get
some extra cash, but one that spends day and night tracking down an original piece to some old beat up motorcycle. He wouldn’t charge extra for labor, cause he’d be doing the thing he loved most. He would treat each bike as his own, tirelessly making it perfect until the finishing pieces were in their exact place, like the sprinkles on a sundae.
“Gonna cut into the woods, right here.” He nodded, directing you.
“Oh yeah, sorry,” you said, snapping out of your little daydream. “Ya’ okay?” He ducked down, meeting your eyes though his hair.
“Yeah, I’s just thinking.”
“‘Kay, just watch out in here. Can’t make too much sound.”
You walked through the dense forest, making as little noise as you possibly could. Heel, toe; heel, toe. Only cracking branches and crunching leaves every few steps, listening to Daryl’s deep steadying breaths in between.
He taught you how to lay traps, and snares; different knots and when to use them. By the end of the day you could set your own, with the reassurance that he would help kill whatever you caught. No matter how many walkers you would kill, and how much bad shit you’ve seen. It still felt weird killing animals to eat.
The trapping, and mapping out your paths came to an end as night fell. The darkness made it too difficult to achieve the superb knots you were tying, and the sub par snares that Daryl would set, so you two decided to call it a night, sleeping in shifts back to back.
The next day went the same, but it was now time for the actual hunting. You left the killing to Daryl, using your lack of a silent long range weapon, like the crossbow as an excuse. You guys sat up wind, and out of the line of sight of any animals that may pass. It was quiet, and you understood why he liked it.
Hunting wasn’t all killing like you had imagined; hunting was 99% sitting quietly in nature, 1% killing.
You can’t lie about the fact that when a deer came into sight, you closed your eyes and didn’t open them until you heard the click of the trigger on the crossbow. You didn’t want to see the animal die, but you can’t feel bad about how many people that deer could feed.
Daryl took care of the dirty work, cleaning, and “prepping” the deer to be taken home. You sat by and watched.
Once the task was complete, you started back for the prison, hoping it would cut some of the time of the walk back tomorrow. This time was cut short by the approaching darkness of night.
You two set up a small camp to spend the ever closer night. And with cans on strings, as tripwire, and your backs to each other, you two felt it was safe enough to get some rest, that was until the cans rattled.
The sounds of metal clanking, shook you from your not so deep sleep. You whipped around to see a walker reaching over your barricade of tangled fishing wire and old soda cans. It stumbled over and grabbed Daryl's boot, luckily he tied up his pant legs with cords to keep from being scratched. You scrambled over to a half awake Daryl and pulled his knife from his pocket, stabbing it into the undead's brain. He nodded graciously as you handed his knife back. You both sat still in the early hours of the morning, breathing heavily until your adrenaline died down.
Your eyes stung from lack of sleep, but it was nothing compared to how Daryl looked. His eyes were puffy, and had dark purple craters around them, and what little you could see of his eyes were bloodshot. His hair stuck up in every which direction, the bangs that normally cover his face, were defying gravity, and exposed his forehead.
“You can sleep, but let's face each other this time,” you planned.
“You sure?” he said groggily.
“Yeah, if you saw yourself, you’d be sure too.”
He scoffed, and pulled his vest out as an acting pillow, tucking one arm under it, and laying his head down. He fell asleep shortly, and you watched.
The expression he made was soft, and innocent, less like a child and more like a puppy that tired out running in a field all day. He subconsciously held his thumb to his mouth. He breathed heavily through his mouth, with quiet snores escaping occasionally.
You didn’t sleep at all that night, you couldn’t let anything disturb the peace. You weren’t tired, though, you actually felt like you had gotten a full night’s rest.
The two of you started home at the crack of dawn, with dull yellow light illuminating the grass you stood on. You took to the woods for your trek home, rather than the long road you took to get there.
Halfway through the day you happened upon a lake that looked beautiful, a direct juxtaposition to everything you had been used to seeing. The water sparkled, and light refracted off the ripples in every which direction. Birds made chirping sounds that echoed through the dense forest, and made a song through the trees.
Daryl grabbed a plastic bottle, and some of the sandy silt that covered the edge of the water, making a makeshift water filter. As he did so, you took off your shorts and threw them aside, wading into the water. The water was greenish, but you could see your feet, and the dust clouding around your steps. The water was warm enough to not give you the chills, but cool enough to be refreshing.
Once the water hit your hips, you took your shirt off and threw it a few feet away from Daryl, joining your shorts, and shortly after your bra. You watched him finish his contraption and fill it.
“Should have some water in an hour or so…” he looked up and saw you, then quickly looked back at his bottle.
“Maybe we could catch a fish or something, too,” you said, smiling at his back. “You should join me in here.”
“Nah” he shook his head.
“Yeah, when was the last time you got cleaned up?”
“I ain’t gonna, someone needs to be a lookout.” He looked up at you, standing his ground. “Anyway, I gotta piss.”
He started walking away and you yelled to him, “Yeah, sure you do, Dixon.” You splashed his way, but he had already walked behind the trees.
A noise came from your left, behind a couple of thick trees. Two walkers stumbled out, slipping on the sandy hill. You didn’t have any weapons on you, and getting back over to your clothes seemed like a death wish. They were closer to the clothes and things than you were. Daryl didn’t even have his crossbow with him, it was in the pile next to the water filter.
You yelled for Daryl, hoping he’d get back before the walkers could reach you. You yelled again, and it drew their attention. They were about at the edge of the water now, and you were fucked… but a whistle came out of the woods.
Daryl showed up and whistled loudly to catch the attention of the dead walking toward you. It worked. They started toward him at a slow pace, and you ran over to the pile of stuff. You picked one off with the crossbow. Daryl tripped backwards on a rock, and the walker stumbled towards him, wishing to bite into the leg that was trying to kick it backwards. He grabbed the rock, lifted it over his head, and smashed it down onto the walker, and hitting it again smashed his head open, covering Daryl in it’s blood. He leaned back and dropped the rock. He took a second to catch his breath.
“Hey, thanks” You said to him as you were naked and dripping like a wet dog.
He sighed and raised his eyebrows. Which you will take as a “no problem.”
Daryl’s hair dripped with blood, guts, and rotting chunks of flesh. His shirt was wet, red, and sweaty. The muddy sand covered his pants and hands, leaving him dirtier than before.
“I guess you have to join me now” you said, still mostly naked.
He begrudgingly kicked off his boots, and slid his vest off down his shoulders, letting it drop on the floor. He started walking to the edge of the water, when you had to stop him.
“What, NO!” You said haulting him, “You are not still wearing your socks.”
He took off his socks, and his pants. He walked into the lake, a couple feet in and the water hit the bottom of his shirt.
You never took Daryl as the type of person to not be okay with taking his shirt off, but here he was: standing in a lake with his shirt on, contemplating whether he should take it off or not. He stood there for a couple seconds before looking at you, and when you gave him a reassuring smile, he took it off. He looked good with it off, you didn’t see a problem, until he turned around.
He whipped around fast to throw his shirt on land, and as he did, you saw his back. He was covered in scars. Yeah, some could be new, from fighting, from surviving, but you take it he’d been surviving for a lot longer than the rest of you had.
The slashes that riddled his skin were old. He could have gotten most of them when he was still a kid. You swallowed hard, he turned and faced you but neither of you met each other's eyes. He got quiet. And as his hand pensively rubbed the back of his neck, as he thought about what you must think of him.
“Hey, come on in the water’s fine,” you said to ease the tension.
It seemingly worked, because the next thing he did was dive under, swimming to you in a second. The water rippled along the path he had swam, and broke around his emerging body. You met his eye. He nodded to you as a thanks, and you shook your head back at him in a no problem kind of way. This practice had become routine, it was easier than constantly owing thanks to the other person for some trivial task such as saving their lives.
He broke eye contact and looked down, “Still gotta piss.”
You snickered. Then stepping back a couple of feet you gestured for him to go right ahead.
He looked at you, head cocked a little, and then the realization hit and his ears turned bright red. He turned around, and you got a better look at his scars. Some were short slashes, some longer, and others crossed over each other. You couldn’t fathom the person that would hit a child, let alone Daryl; Daryl was sweet, and could never have done something that deserved this treatment.
He finished up and faced you, but didn’t meet your eyes. You got a look at him, the man that just pissed in the pool in front of you, his ears were red as well as his cheeks making a bridge across his nose. The blush trailed down to his upper chest in splotches, like watercolors splaying out.
He chewed the corner of his thumb and said, “Ya’ know, I used to piss the bed as a kid.”
“I mean we all did,” You said. “Come here.”
He complied, “Nah, I mean ‘til I’s like 8 or so.”
“Bend over,” you told him.
He leaned back and you started washing his hair for him, detangling it with your fingers, and picking things out of it like you were monkeys.
“I remember a couple times it happened, had to sneak out late at night and do my laundry in the bathroom, so no one’d hear me. But this once, my dad wasn’t home so, I didn’t get… but my mom had this whole ‘nother way of doing it. She took my clothes. Pinned me down, Merle helped. She put a diaper on me, made me sleep outside.”
“When you were 8?” You cupped some water and dumped it over his head.
“Uh huh, made me wear ‘em to school, too. Under my clothes. Said if I took ‘em off she’s gonna tell my dad, so I didn’t.” He went back to biting his thumb.
“That shouldn’t have happened to you,” you said, moving to wash his shoulders.
He shrugged, and flinched away when you ran your finger over a scar on his back.
“You know, stress and trauma cause children to start wetting the bed later on in childhood, it's called enuresis, it wasn’t your fault,” You splashed water on his shoulders, noticing the freckles made by the sun.
“Done?” He asked, standing up straight.
“What?”
“Am I done?” he asked and shook his hair out like a dog.
“Yeah, you’re good.”
Daryl quickly made his return to land, you however stayed in the water until the filter was done giving you each a bottle. Every once in a while you catch him glance over at you floating naked in the lake, but his eyes would quickly divert.
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ladyfogg · 4 years ago
Text
Heal My Wounds - Part 1
Heal My Wounds - Part 1 of 3
Fic Summary:  After you meet the infamous Kit Walker, you realize that he cannot possibly be guilty of everything they say he is. Determined to treat him with kindness and compassion, you end up falling hard for the handsome man with gorgeous dark eyes. But you both are playing a dangerous game and you must decide just how far you’re willing to go to save the man you love. Part 2. AHS Masterlist. 
Fic Rating: 18+
Fic Song: War by Poets of the Fall
Pairing: Kit Walker/Female Reader
Warnings: Language, Smut, Slow Burn, tw: mental illness, tw: asylum setting, tw: violence
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A/N: I ended up finishing this a lot quicker than I thought I was going to. Enjoy! For @tatestripedsweater​ and @kitwalker02​. 
You’ve seen many things during your time at Briarcliff. Being a nurse, you deal with truly awful alignments, either self-inflicted or acquired under “mysterious” circumstances. This usually means that a guard roughed the patient up or Dr. Arden can’t be bothered to treat them himself. You learn to expect the worst, not in the patient but in what they are afflicted with. In truth, your heart goes out to every one of them. Regardless of what sent them to Briarcliff, it is always your mission to treat them with the respect and dignity they deserve. 
Which is why, when you hear that the infamous Bloody Face, aka Kit Walker, has been transferred to the asylum, you try not to be concerned. You knew all about Bloody Face and what he’s done and when they arrested Kit, you aren’t ashamed to admit that your first thought was, “Good riddance!” However, you force yourself to change your tune once you learn you’ll be treating him at some point. Plenty of dangerous people had come and gone through Briarcliff’s doors. You aren’t going to treat him any differently than you would the other patients.
No matter how dangerous he is. 
It isn’t long before you find yourself face-to-face with him. He is there less than a day before he’s brought in to see you, his lip and his nose a bloody mess, the red a stark contrast to his pale skin. His appearance surprises you even though it shouldn’t. You read the papers; you’ve seen his face. Yet, in person, he’s so handsome it takes your breath away and you need a moment to compose yourself.
“What happened?” you ask Kit as the guard forces him to sit on the bed. He is bound with cuffs and chains, an overkill if you ever saw one. 
“He got into a scrape with another inmate,” the guard says in a gruff voice. “Bloody Face here got the worst of it.”
“They’re called patients, not inmates,” you correct him with a glare. “And I wasn’t asking you, I was asking Mr. Walker. That is his name, that's what he will be called while he’s under my care.”
The guard, whose name you think is Hardy, looks taken aback by your words. He is a new one who hasn’t had to deal with you yet. While many of the female staff are nuns, you are not. You are there purely for medical purposes, not religious ones. Therefore, you have no reason to force politeness to the guards. After all, why should you? They never show you any. The sooner Hardy learns you will not tolerate his bullshit, the better. 
You have been talked to by Sister Jude several times regarding your attitude but since you are appointed by the state, there is nothing more she can do. Eventually, the both of you came to a mutual understanding. In fact, you suspect she admires your non-nonsense attitude as it most often gets results. If there is a patient in your infirmary, you can call the shots. Of course, the male guards don’t like that, but they can get fucked. 
When you turn back at Kit, he has a surprised look on his face. 
“Are you hurt anywhere else?” you ask. 
“Just my face,” he answers. “And my hands.”
You glance down and see his bruises and bloody knuckles. Clearly, he defended himself but given the fact that the other patient hasn’t been brought it, you assume Kit got the worst of it. You go about collecting what you need to disinfect his wounds. 
To Hardy, you say, “Remove his chains.”
“No can do. Not for this one.”
“His knuckles are bleeding, and I need to examine his hands to make sure nothing is broken or fractured. Remove his chains.”
There is an intense stare-off between you and the guard before he relents and unbinds Kit. Once his restraints are gone, you wave Hardy off. “You may step outside.”
“Now hold on a minute! This man—”
“Has rights. He deserves the same privacy as every other patient. Besides, I won’t have you getting in my way while I patch him up. You can step outside and wait. I’m more than capable of handling myself.”
Hardy snorts, annoyed and done with arguing. “Fine by me. Don’t complain if you get killed.”
“I won’t, considering if that happens, I won’t be able to. Or are you not aware how death works?”
With a sneer, he stalks away, and you heard him mutter, “Stupid bitch.” under his breath.
“Smart bitch actually,” you call after him. “And shut the door on your way out, please.” It slams behind him and you return your attention to your patient. 
Kit looks at you with awe. “Forgive me for saying so, doc. But you’re one tough broad.”
You laugh, pulling a chair over so you can sit in front of Kit. “I’m not a doctor, I’m a nurse. And you have to be though, especially in this place. The gentle don’t last long. Now, let’s take a look at those hands.”
Kit extends his hands, and you take them in your own, examining his wounded knuckles. After moving each finger and his wrists, you determine there was nothing broken or fractured so you set about cleaning the scrapes. Kit watches you the entire time. Even though you don’t look up from your work, you can feel his eyes on you. 
“I think you’re the only person in this place who’s not afraid of me,” he says after a stretch of silence. “This is the first time I’ve been treated like a person since this whole thing started.”
“Should I be afraid of you, Mr. Walker?” you glance up and are immediately taken in by the soft expression on his face. 
“Call me Kit,” he says. “And I never hurt anybody. All the things they say I did are lies. I have no idea what happened to those girls and I have no idea what happened to Alma other than they took her.”
You consider his words for a moment and pull away, letting his hands fall to his lap. The bloody towel you hold is tossed onto your tray of supplies before you sit back and cross your arms. “Alright then, Kit. Tell me why I should believe you.”
Kit doesn’t seem to know what to say at first. You’ve dealt with numerous patients who swear up and down they didn’t do what they were accused of. Most of them had. Because of that, you are pretty damn good at reading people because even the best liar has a tell. An eye twitch, a knee bounce, a lip bite…anything. You trained yourself to look for these things because, in your line of work, it means the difference between life or death. 
The man in front of you doesn’t look like he’s hiding anything. More to the point, you don’t feel scared of him. You aren’t made of stone; you feel fear just like everyone else. You are simply better at masking it. However, that violent vibe you’ve learned to sense doesn’t radiate from Kit and as you look into his deep brown eyes, all you see is fear, frustration, anger, and sadness. They all pass one after another on a loop. 
“I don’t have a reason,” Kit finally says after a long pause. “If I were in your shoes, I wouldn’t believe me either. But you showed me kindness no one else has and I’m grateful. Really.”
“I think this place wouldn’t be half as bad as those colleagues of mine showed a little kindness too.” You go back to work, cleaning his hands. “This is going to sting a bit.”
Kit flinches as you pour alcohol over his cuts. Carefully, you clean them some more before you are sure they won’t get infected. Once that’s done, you wrap them in bandages. 
“There, good as new. Just try to keep those bandages dry for a bit. You can take them off tomorrow to let the cuts breathe. Let me make sure your nose isn't broken.”
Kit remain still as you gently cup his face, turning his head left to right in order to take stock of his injuries. Being so close, you realize how handsome he truly is. That jawline is to die for, and his dark curls looks so soft, you want to run your fingers through them. Once that thought entered your brain, you scold yourself. He is your patient and is in the asylum to see if he is fit to stand trial for murder. Thinking about him in any way other than professional is a dangerous game. And very stupid.
“That bad huh?” Kit asks with a slight smirk. 
It isn’t a malicious one by any means. In fact, it’s almost hesitant. Like he is afraid to be so comfortable joking with you. You don’t blame him considering what he has gone through. You offer him a smile in return. 
“Just a split lip and it doesn’t look like your nose is broken. It’s not even swollen. There shouldn’t be any permanent damage.”
You grab a fresh towel and dip it in warm water before gingerly cleaning the blood from his face. But before you can get far, Kit reaches up to stop you. Instinctively you freeze, worried that you may have hurt him. Maybe his nose is worse off than you originally thought?
“Did I hurt you?” you ask.
Kit shakes his head. “No, I’m just…” He pauses as if he’s not sure what to say next. “I’m sorry but I just...why aren’t you scared of me?"
“You really want me to be, don’t you?”
“What? No! Of course not. I’m just…” He stops when he sees you holding back a smile. “You’re messing with me.”
You shrug and go back to your work. “A little,” you admit. “But to answer your question, I’m not scared of you because I believe you. I don’t think you killed or even hurt anyone. I just don’t sense that sort of evil in you. As for what you claim to have witnessed, that I don’t know about. But I do know crazy, Kit Walker. And you’re not it.”
It is like the remaining tension leaves his body and Kit slumps against you, a few tears running down his cheeks. Without thinking, you pull him into a tight hug, letting him rest his weary head on your shoulder. The warmth of him is invigorating and you savor the feeling. It’s been a long time since you’ve been touched in any way. Long work hours make your social life non-existent and you carefully keep your distance with your patients.
Except Kit, it seems. You don’t know why your well-constructed walls are crumbling under the weight of one interaction with one man.
“You have no idea how much I needed to hear that,” he says, his voice muffled by your uniform. “No one will listen. No one believes…”
“I’m listening. But first, sit back before you get blood all over me.”
With a weak laugh, Kit pulls away.  He wipes the tears with the back of his hand which you’re grateful for because you were about two seconds away from gently brushing them away. Pulling yourself together, you continue to clean his face while he tells you his story. It’s definitely strange. The idea of being abducted and probed was one you’d rather not think about.
But you don’t just listen to his words, you watch his expression, pay attention to the tone of his voice and his body language. Even though you’ve heard some of it through the papers, it’s different hearing it from him directly. Once he’s done, you’re even more certain he didn’t kill anyone. No one who talks about their missing wife that softly and heart felt could possibly be a vicious serial killer.
It’s his eyes that give him away. There’s so much emotion and depth, you can’t help but believe him. You wish you can explain it, but some things are beyond explanation.
“You sure I’m not crazy?” Kit asks when you don’t respond to him right away.
“After that story, you’re absolutely batshit.”
He chuckles when he realizes you aren’t serious. You pull your hand away, finally done getting rid of all the blood, but he stops you with a gentle touch to your wrist. “Thank you for listening. I could tell you weren’t judging when I spoke, and I appreciate it. I appreciate everything you’re doing for me.”
“It’s not my place to judge. Only heal.” You sit back, breaking all contact with him, hoping it’ll clear your spinning head.  “There. Now you’re just as handsome as you were before. Do me a favor and at least try not to get majorly hurt again for the rest of the day?”
“He started it.”
“Everyone always starts things here. And given your current situation, it’s best to keep your head down as much as possible.”
“What’s the point? They’ve already made up their minds about me being guilty,” Kit says bitterly as you roll your tray over to the sink. He sees a pack of cigarettes on your desk and nods towards them. “Mind if I have one?”
You wave for him to go ahead as you clean up. “I wish I had words of encouragement for you. I wish I could say it will all work out. But unless they catch the real Bloody Face, your choices are either here or the electric chair.”
Kit pops a cigarette in his mouth and lights the end. “I have to see the state-appointed shrink. My last hope is to convince some head doctor that I’m not crazy.”
Your heart goes out to him. His situation really is a double-edged sword. If he proves he isn’t crazy, then they are sure to send him to trial and his death. If he keeps spouting off about strangers abducting him and his wife, then they will keep him at Briarcliff. Either way, he loses. It isn’t fair. 
“Stick to your story,” you tell him. “If it’s really the truth and that’s really what you know happened, then stick to it. I mean, it’ll probably get you confined here for life. But at least you’ll be alive.”
“Yeah, but at what cost?”
You don’t get to respond. The door bursts open and Sister Jude strolls in with Hardy right behind her. You wonder how long he waited outside before running to tattle on you.
“Why is this patient not restrained?” she asks in that stern voice of hers. 
“I needed to clean his hands and couldn’t very well do that when they were bound,” you say. “He’s all set now.”
“In the future, I would appreciate it if you would leave the door open. No young woman should be alone with this one,” Sister Jude says, motioning to Kit. “Not until he’s been properly medicated.”
“He deserves just as much privacy as any of us do when being medically treated.”
“Not here. Not under my roof,” Sister Jude counters. “I like you, girl, but don’t push me on this. Kit Walker may have the looks of an angel but he’s far from it.”
“She didn’t do nothing wrong,” Kit says angrily.
Sister Jude motions for Hardy to grab Kit. Anger courses through your veins when you see how he is manhandled. “Hey, be careful! I don’t want to have to treat a dislocated shoulder,” you say.
Kit sends you a grateful smile which Sister Jude unfortunately notices. She steps up to him and in a low voice says, “Quit your leering! You don’t fool me, Kit Walker. You can keep spouting that innocent act all you’d like but I know there’s darkness in your soul.”
Kit’s body tenses and you see him clench his fists in anger. The nun yanks his cigarette out of his mouth and puts it out on your desk. 
What a bitch.
As he is led away, Kit dares to look back at you and you see the glimmer of another smile before he is gone. The empty room suddenly seems more so without him there. It’s strange how comfortable you feel around him, especially considering the circumstances. After cleaning up the remnants of his cigarette, you sit back at your desk. But focusing is not in the cards for you. The rest of the day, you find yourself constantly sidetracked by the handsome brown-haired man with the deep brown eyes. So much so that you get angry with yourself.
You are hardly ever swayed by just a pretty face. Then again, there’s more to Kit than that. Although, it certainly helps. The way he stood up for you even when he was in trouble spoke volumes about who he is a person. You don’t think there is a selfish bone in that man’s body.
The next day during meds, you don’t see him in the Day Room with the others. It suddenly occurs to you that after the fight the day before, he probably was thrown in solitary. You hate solitary being used for any of your patients but the thought of Kit in a small dark room, bound and alone makes your heart break in your chest. All you can do is hope he’ll be out of there soon. 
At least three days pass before you see him again, mostly because you spend most of that time in the infirmary rather than in the common areas. It’s early morning and you are enjoying a rare moment of silence when the door opens, and Kit is led in. He’s bleeding from a cut on his forehead, which has already begun to bruise and swell. 
“What happened?” you demand as you leap to your feet. 
The guard, a brute named Dixon who you can’t stand, forces Kit onto one of the beds. “He slipped and fell.”
You doubt it. Your eyes slide over to look at Kit, who gives you a subtle shake of his head. “Oh really?” you ask Dixon, narrowing your eyes in distrust. “This seems like a pretty big bump just to happen from a slip.”
“Just treat him so I can get him back with the others,” Dixon orders. 
“He hit his head. I’m going to have to keep him here for a few hours to make sure he doesn’t have a concussion.”
“Fine.” Dixon shoves Kit until he was laying on the bed. When he reaches for the restraints, Kit fights back. 
“No! Let me go!” Kit struggles against him.
“Those aren’t necessary,” you declare, crossing the room to try to stop Dixon. 
But the guard isn’t having any of it. The next thing you know, he pushes you away, hard enough that you trip over your feet and fall right on your ass.
“You son of a bitch!” Kit exclaims. He leaps up and punches Dixon square in the jaw.  
What happens next is a flurry of blows and swears as the men fight each other. Knowing this can only end poorly for Kit, you manage to get back up before prying the two apart. “Enough!” you snap. “No fighting in my infirmary!”
Dixon is practically snarling as he wipes blood from the corner of his mouth. “You don’t scare me, Bloody Face. If I had my way, you’d be in the furnace by now.”
Kit makes a move to go at him, but you stop him with a hand on his chest. “Mr. Walker, lay down so Dixon can bind you. If you don’t, I know the right injection that’ll make you so tired, you’ll wake up next week.”
Kit’s eyebrows knit together as he looks at you with concern. You throw him a subtle wink. Breathing heavily, he sits back on the bed and allows Dixon to restrain him. Even though it pains you to do so, you help to keep up appearances. But you don’t tighten them as much as you should. Kit’s jaw is clenched as he watches Dixon’s movements, as if he’s waiting for him to attack again.
Once Kit is secured, you reach into your pocket. Unbeknownst to the guards, you carry around a sharpened scalpel for your own protection and the second Dixon lets his guard down, you press it to his neck, making him halt his movements.
“Listen here, you sick fuck,” you growl. “If you ever lay a hand on me again, I’ll shove this so far into your neck you’ll have to take your meals through a tube. Are we clear?”
Dixon sneers and takes a step back. “Whatever you say, woman. Call us when this psycho is ready to go back to his cell. And I’d be careful who you threaten. You wouldn’t want to end up like one of your patients, now would you?”
His threats send a chill down your spine, but you keep your hand steady, the scalpel still pointed at him as he backs away. It’s not until he’s out the door that you cross the room so you can lock it behind him.
“Are you alright?” Kit asks the moment it’s clear the two of you are alone.
You cross the room, pocketing the sharp instrument as you go. “I’m fine, Kit. Don’t worry about me.” As quick as you can, you undo his bindings. “Sorry about this. I fucking hate using bindings, but it was the only way to get Dixon to leave. He’s got a nasty streak in him; I’d stay clear if I were you. Are you okay? What happened to your head?”
“That asshole smashed my face into the wall,” he says as he sits up, rubbing his wrists. “He caught me wandering out of the Day Room.”
“Now why would you go and do a stupid thing like that?” you ask, hands on your hips. “Didn’t I tell you to keep your head down?”
“I just needed some peace and quiet. On my own terms and not in a dark dirty cell. Besides, others wander. Why shouldn’t I?”
“Because the others aren’t wanted for murder. They mean to make an example out of you, Kit.”
“Yeah, I noticed.”
You sigh and head to the icebox in the corner of the room. As you put together an icepack for him, you say, “These guards will look for any excuse to get rough. And they especially have it out for you. You have to be careful.”
“I hate this. I hate all of it. I feel like I’m going crazy. My head is so cloudy, and I can barely feel anything.”
“Those are the meds. Meant to keep you docile.” You carry the ice pack over to him along with supplies to fix up his head wound. “And suppress other impulses.”
“It’s inhumane, that’s what it is.” Kit barely makes a face as you clean the cut and dress it. “How am I supposed to defend myself if I don’t even feel like me? I think I’m slipping, doc.”
“I told you, I’m not a doctor.”
“Well, what should I call you then? You never gave me your name.”
You tell him your name and press the icepack to the bump on his head, “Here, hold this. Your nose is bleeding…again.”
Kit does as he’s told. After a moment, he says your name. It’s soft and beautiful coming from his lips and you can barely focus long enough to hear his question. “Can I confess something to you?”
“I’m no priest or nun.” You start to dab at his nose with a damp towel.
“It’s not that kind of confession. I wasn’t just wandering for the sake of wandering. I was trying to come see you.”
You pause, heart pounding in your chest as your eyes flickering up to meet his. “Why?”
“I feel safe here.”
You go back to your work. “I’m glad you do, but I don’t want you to get yourself hurt just to see me.”
“I didn’t know that asshole was gonna beat the shit out of me just for wandering.”
“Say you have cramps.”
Kit raises his eyebrow. “What?”
“If you want to see me…I mean, come to the infirmary, tell a guard or one of my assistants that you have cramps or a stomachache. It’s something most people don’t question since stomach stuff is really common, ‘specially around here. It usually comes with vomiting or diarrhea and no one wants to deal with that.”
Kit smiles. “Good to know.”
You finish cleaning him up and add, “But don’t overuse the excuse. Otherwise, if something is really bothering you, they won’t listen.”
“Understood. Do you really think I have a concussion?”
“No. Your eyes are clear and you’re not slurring your words. I figured it would at least give you a little reprieve from everything out there.”
Kit’s smile widens. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. Although, I will have to at least keep your feet bound. That way if the guard comes back, I can quickly bind your hands before they enter. The lock will only temporarily slow them down since they have keys.”
“Hey, if it means spending time here with you instead of out there with everyone else who thinks I’m a vicious murderer, I’ll take it.”
Once you have him settled in the bed, you give him a cigarette before going about your daily routine. It is nice having Kit there. Occasionally, you talk as he smokes, but for the most part, the both of you enjoy each other’s company. He asks you about yourself, minor things, nothing too personal or probing, which you appreciate. You feel like he’s also trying to keep some distance between you, understanding your position and what a friendship with him could mean.
A few hours later, when you hear footsteps coming your way, you quickly bind Kit’s hands.
It takes a second for the door to be unlocked but then it opens and Dixon enters just as you’re pretending to check Kit’s bandages. “Walker here needs to see the shrink,” he says gruffly, crossing the room towards you.
“I was just about to call you.” Your lie is so effortless it even impresses you. “He doesn’t have a concussion. You can take him.”
Dixon is rough as he unbinds Kit and yanks him off the bed. To his credit, Kit doesn’t fight back or resist, understanding the stupid rules he needs to follow if he’s going to get anywhere in this place. Once he’s gone, you start to wrap up for the day, finishing any last minute tasks before getting ready to go home. As you’re straightening up your desk, your eyes catch the medication logbook, and an idea strikes you.
Sitting down, you flip through the pages, taking a look at the medications that are prescribed to each patient. At the bottom of the list is Kit’s name and, with a quick flick of your pencil, you manage to subtly cut his doses in half. It’s not much. You wish you can outright stop giving him the meds but that’s impossible. Hopefully, this way he’ll start to feel like himself.
You expect to be worried or guilty for what you’ve done. But honestly, you don’t. It feels right. Far too many patients have lost themselves in Briarcliff and you’re determined not to let Kit be one of them.
---
Kit’s world is not even recognizable anymore. One day he’s home with his beautiful wife, the next, she’s gone, and the police are accusing him of murder. He sees those damn creatures every time he closes his eyes, hears that loud noise echoing in his ears. If it’s not that he’s hearing, it’s the screams of the other patients.
When he saw you for the first time, heard you snap at the guard for mistreating him, he thought he was still dreaming. You have to be a dream. Nothing that good or sweet can possibly exist in this place. The way you look at him makes him feel seen for the first time in months.
He can’t get you out of his mind. After that initial visit, all he could think about was your warm embrace and the concern in your eyes.
To have someone care enough to worry about him meant everything. Especially during such a dark time. Trying to sneak away to see you had been a stupid idea but one he thought was worth the risk. He needed to know if he would have the same feelings each time, the same security and comfort. Do you really believe him or are you just a great actress?
The second time, you’re just as kind and generous as the first, and Kit knows that he is in trouble. A different kind of trouble than he already is in. This one is emotionally based and has the potential to end very badly.
Kit knew himself well enough to recognize the signs that he is falling for someone. You have only known each other a short while but already he can’t get you out of his mind.
The day following his first appointment with Dr. Thredson, he sees you in the Day Room and has to stop himself from immediately going over. It’s clear you’re busy, making the rounds and checking in on the other patients. Kit watches from a distance, smoking a cigarette as he leans against the back wall. Your kindness extends to everyone you come in contact with. He watches with admiration as you sit patiently with Pepper, checking on the small scrapes and abrasions she has.
You smile and his breath gets caught in his throat. Fuck you’re gorgeous.
Curiously, Kit watches as you slip something into Pepper’s hands before moving on to someone else. It turns out to be a small chocolate, which Pepper immediately devours before going back to her book. Kit smiles.
You catch each other’s eyes across the room just then. It’s a charged moment, like nothing in the world matters but the two of you. He makes a move to walk towards you, unable to help himself anymore. But then meds are called, and the moment is lost. Kit stubs out his cigarette and gets behind Lana as everyone lines up for their medications.
“This is bullshit,” Lana mutters under her breath. “Not all of us need medication. I don’t like that they force it on us. Makes my head all foggy.”
“That’s the point, isn’t it?” Kit asks, echoing your sentiment from the day before. “Keep us under control.”
“I have a point. One I’d like to shove right up their asses.”
Kit snorts at Lana’s blunt phrasing. At first, she had been weary of him but now the two have developed a mutual understanding. Neither one of them belongs there and it’s better to support each other than fight. The line moves and Kit watches you join your assistant to make the medication process go faster.
When it’s his turn, you hand him his cup and briefly, his hands touches yours. It’s like a bolt of electricity shoots through your fingertips and into his, coursing through his veins at such a speed it makes his head spin. On the outside however, he remains calm, bringing the cup up to his lips to knock back his meds. Except, he notices they look slightly different than the days before. His eyes briefly dart to yours and there’s a subtle change in your expression. Your eye closes just enough to seem like a wink without fully being one.
Kit downs the meds with less hesitation than before.
Sadly, he can’t talk to you after that. Once meds are distributed, you go back to the infirmary and he’s left alone once more. Briefly he considers faking a stomachache to see you again, but your warning is still ringing in his ears. The fact that you offered him the excuse was risky on your part. He doesn’t want to get you in trouble by overstaying his welcome in the infirmary. Even though he is curious about the medication change, he lets it go.
It’s not until he’s in his room that night that he realizes he’s feeling clear-headed. Usually, once lights out comes around, the meds have him so loopy he rolls over and goes to sleep. Or at least tries. This time, however, he feels more like himself. Of course, that also means he’s more aware of the dark and the loud screams, but once they subside, he’s left with silence and his own thoughts.
She must have lowered my meds or something. She’s fucking amazing.
Kit smiles, curling onto his side as he allows himself to think about you without worry or fear. Again and again your meetings replay in his mind and when he closes his eyes, he can almost smell the scent of your laundry detergent and perfume. The way your soft hands gently held his made him flex his fingers instinctively. Those lips of yours…he’d given anything to kiss them.
Kit’s eyes fly open when he feels his cock swell. It’s been so long since he’s felt any kind of sexual desire even before being medication. It’s a wonderful change of pace, however now he has a slight problem. Kit feels ashamed of himself for thinking of you sexually. All you’ve done is show him kindness and he’s thinking about doing all sorts of things to you. With a frustrated sigh, he rolls onto his stomach and tries to ignore it.
This turns out to be a bad idea. The pressure of his body against the hard mattress causes wonderful friction and Kit finds himself pressing his hips down for some semblance of relief.
Fuck it, he thinks, shoving his hand in his pants. I need this right now. I need her.
It’s been a long time since he’s done this himself. It takes a second to find the right angle and rhythm. He stays on his stomach, arching his back just enough to give his hand room as he jerks himself off. Burying his face in his pillow, he bites down to stifle his moans as he pictures you in your nurse’s uniform. The way it hugs your frame suddenly assaults his vision. When you had leaned over him to check his head, he had caught just the barest hint of cleavage. Then, he had purposefully closed his eyes to be respectful.
Now, it’s all he focuses on, thinking about how he’d love to run his tongue across your salty flesh while his hands cupped your tits. He’d bury his nose in your skin and inhale your scent before kissing and sucking every bit of you he could reach.
Would you moan his name? He bets you would, and he bets it would sound fucking fantastic.
Kit grips himself tighter, speeding up his movements as he keeps the fantasy going in his mind. Suddenly, the angle is too constricting, and he rolls onto his back, biting his bottom lip as he hand brings him closer to coming.
He pictures it being your hand. Pictures him laying in that hospital bed, you leaning over him and jerking him off as you watch his face. He thinks of you telling him to come for you and as soon as that thought crosses his mind, he explodes, coming all over his own hand as he quietly moans your name.
Sweating and panting, Kit lays there in his bed, heart racing and head spinning. He uses his blanket to clean himself up, tossing it onto the floor before curling into a ball. He expects the shame or guilt to hit him any moment, but he can’t find it in himself to feel either. All he feels is aching in his heart for the real thing.
The next morning, when they open the cells, he remains in bed. Once he hears the guard come closer, Kit begins to moan in agony, clutching his stomach.
Thankfully, Hardy is the one who check on him. Ever since you told him off, he’s been mostly tolerable to Kit. At least to his face.
“What’s wrong?” the guard asks.
“My stomach,” Kit moans. “I think…I think I ate something bad.” When Hardy kicks Kit’s soiled blanket aside, he adds, “Wouldn’t touch that if I were you. I felt real sick last night.”
Hardy wrinkles his nose and gestures for Kit to get up. “Come on. I’m taking you to the nurse.”
Laying on the theatrics, Kit forces himself up, still hunched over with his arms wrapped around his stomach.
You’re sitting at your desk when he enters. The morning light is filtering in through the barred windows and it catches you ever so slightly. Enough to almost make Kit forget he’s supposed to be in great pain. When you see him, your face grows concerned.
“This one is moaning about a stomachache,” Hardy says. “Where do you want him?”
To his dismay, Kit notices you’re not alone today. There’s a patient asleep in one of the other beds. You’re out of your chair in a second, pressing one of those soft hands to his forehead.
“He’s burning up.” Your ability to lie so smoothly makes Kit admire you even more. “Here, let’s get him on this bed right here.”
Hardy and you help Kit onto one of the beds in the corner of the room, one that’s hidden behind a divider. “I’ll keep an eye on him,” you say, tucking Kit in. “It’s probably just food poisoning. I’ve told the cook a million times they need to store the food better.”
“Think he needs to be tied down?” Hardy asks.
“No, of course not. Have you ever dealt with a patient who’s tied down and soiling themselves? My job is hard enough as it is. I won’t be dealing with that today.”
Kit makes retching noises if for no other reason than to see Hardy grow pale and uncomfortable.
“Oh, you better go before he starts up,” you urge, shooing the guard away.
Kit keeps up the act until he hears the door close and you turn to him, giving him a wide smile. “Wow, bravo. Great work, Kit.”
He smiles, sitting up. “Thanks. Maybe I’ll have a shot as an actor when this is all over.”
You chuckle and glance over at your other patient to make sure he’s still sleeping before sitting on the chair by Kit’s bed. “How are you really feeling this morning?”
“Better, actually. Do I have you to thank for that?”
“Well…it did seem overkill to have you on such high doses of medication when you aren’t mentally unstable. I’m sorry I couldn’t take you off them completely.”
“You have nothing to be sorry for,” Kit says, reaching out to lay his hand over yours. “If anything, I’m sorry for you having to take that risk. I don’t want you to get in trouble, or worse, because of me.”
You look down at his hand and he immediately draws it back, worrying he may have crossed a line. There’s something in your expression that puts him on edge. He can see that you’re struggling, which only makes him feel worse. He berates himself for foolishly giving into his desires. Already things are tough, and the future is scarily uncertain. He’s on the hook for murder for fuck’s sake.
Before Kit can continue the self-deprecating spiral, you surprise him by carefully getting out of your seat and sitting next to him on the bed.
“Kit…” you say. “This friendship between us…I don’t know if it can continue.”
Kit’s heart sinks and he looks away from you, his gaze now fixated on the floor. “I don’t blame you,” he says. “It’s not safe being near me in any way. Honestly, it was stupid of me to come here like that. As much as I like spending time with you, I never want to put you in a compromising position. I’ve seen these guards and I know how they treat women. You’re in just as much danger here as I am.”
Your hand takes his, and he snaps his head up to look at you.
“That’s not what I’m worried about,” you say. For the first time since you met a few days ago, he hears the slightest crack in your voice. “I’m worried because, if we continue this friendship, I know that for me, one day, it might not be enough.”
His heart speeds up at your confession. Kit can’t believe his ears. The fact that you are feeling even the slightest bit of the attraction to him that he’s been feeling for you is enough to give him the sliver of hope that’s been severely lacking over the last few weeks.
Kit hesitantly links his fingers with yours, giving you every chance to pull away. You don’t. When he says your name, his throat is dry, and he has to clear it before he can go on. “I have no right liking you as much as I do. I don’t believe in God, but I can’t help but think that you’re my damn guardian angel. Because of you, I’m actually starting to think that maybe there’s a way out of this. Or at the very least, staying here won’t be so bad so long as you’re here.”
Your gaze softens and you look away, trying to hide the tear leaking out of the corner of your eye. With his free hand, Kit reaches up to wipe it away with his thumb. He can’t stop himself from cupping your cheek, needing to feel the warmth and softness against his palm. You shut your eyes, leaning into his touch, a shaky exhale escaping through your parted lips.
Your lips.
Kit’s eyes can’t look anywhere else. They look so inviting. He bets they’re just as soft as the rest of you, maybe even more so. Without even stopping to think what he’s doing, he starts to lean in, so slowly that you don’t seem to notice until you open your eyes to meet his. You pull your head back. Not abruptly or angrily, but enough where he gets the message to stop. Kit sighs with disappointment at the refusal. But a second later, you’re leaning in this time, at the same achingly slow pace he had been before.
Your lips brush and there’s a heated charge that soars between you, making you pause before you even properly get a kiss. Your eyes are wide as they meet his, searching for the same thing he’s looking for in yours: permission, acceptance, desire.
Kit closes the distance.
With one hand still cradling your face, he kisses you deeply, drawing your body as close to his as he dares. He feels you melt under his touch and it urges him to keep going, to keep kissing you, to deepen the kiss so he can savor the intense waves of desire washing over him.
You let him, opening your mouth so that his tongue can glide along yours.
It all becomes too intense for the both of you and you have to break the kiss, panting as your foreheads rest against one another’s.
“This is such a bad idea,” you say, the breathlessness of your voice making Kit’s cock twitch. “We have to be smart and we have to be careful. If we really can’t stay apart, then you have to listen to what I say and follow my instructions. Okay?”
“I can do that,” Kit says. He’d honestly agree to anything you say at that point. “Trust me, baby. I know the stakes.”
“Me too.” You take a deep breath and pull away, breaking all contact with him. It immediately leaves him cold and wanting more. “My assistants will be coming to collect the meds any moment. I need to go prepare.”
You reach out to cup his cheek and Kit holds your wrist, keeping your hand there for another moment so he could savor the contact. The way your eyes soften at him only makes him want to kiss you again. Instead, he settles for a peck on your palm before letting you fully pull away.
As you stand and collect yourself, you take a step towards the divider before you pause and look back at him. “No one can know, Kit. Not if you want to stay under my care. If anyone finds out there’s something between us, they’ll transfer me somewhere else and I won’t be able to protect you.”
The fact that you’re scared for him in this scenario and not yourself makes Kit want to throw you on the bed and ravish you. “I promise, I will find a way to clear my name,” he says. “Then once I’m out of here, I’ll take you away. Far away where this place can’t reach us.”
You smile and reach out to stroke his cheek again. “Easy there, Mr. Walker,” you tease, stroking his bottom lip with your thumb. “Keep talking like that and I may think you’re already falling for me.”
He watches you walk away, only one thought on his mind. Too late for that.
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thepartyresponsible · 3 years ago
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this soundtrack fill is for kittenlzlz, who i cannot tag because it’s all sabotage all the time over here. also, i'm sorry, i didn’t realize you’d changed your prompt until after i wrote this one, so this is for the first thing you sent in.
anyway, here’s some dystopian sci-fi angst for sam and bucky with a hopeful ending. the song for this one is “achilles come down” by gang of youth.
                                                         —
When he was young, Sam spent thirty-seven weeks in New Mexico, learning how to keep people alive until evac. That others may live was a motto they preferred to operationalize rather than idealize, and, without the EMT training, pararescue tended to turn into high-risk body retrieval. So he spent the better part of a year learning how to keep a body breathing, and he learned, also, how to recognize when any effort was likely to be wasted.
Which is how he knows that what he’s looking at isn’t fully human. Because a human would already be dead.
It’s the blood that tells him, more than anything else. The Chitauri bleed a thick, dark blue substance that goes black if their cybernetics are leaking. And there’s plenty of blue and black puddled on the asphalt, but that red is a hemoglobin gift, and that means it’s all human.
“Shit, man,” Sam says, crouching next to the only human at this massacre. “You could keep a blood bank in business all by yourself.”
The man lifts his head and blinks at him, slow and a little dazed. Not dazed enough, though. He can almost focus on Sam’s face. “Not anymore,” he says, after a beat.
More blood bubbles up at the corners of his mouth. Sam can see it between his teeth.
“Yeah,” Sam says. And he laughs, because he might as well. Because he came out here with a team of ten to clean out the aliens, and it looks like one guy did their work for them. “Guess not.”
He’s a pathetic sight, really. Ragged body armor, hair clumped together, skin sticky with blood and ichor. He’s belly down on the cracked parking lot, and there’s a smear of blood behind him, showing exactly how far he’s managed to drag himself.
Sam’s not excited about what he’s going to see, when he rolls this guy over on his back.
“You gonna fight me if I help you?” he asks.
Most of them, these Enhanced, the surviving Super Soldiers, they can’t help it. Sam’s had to put a few down himself, although not for a while now. It’s been almost a year since he had to kill anything with a human face.
The man sighs. He rests his forehead against the asphalt, closes his eyes. His fingers flex and then go still. “I don’t know,” he says.
That others may live, Sam thinks. But the problem has always been that lives are balanced on both sides of the scales, and, sometimes, saving one means sacrificing another.
This man killed fifteen Chitauri, and he did it alone. There are kids back at the base. Vulnerable people.
The safest choice would be to leave him here. Let him save himself, if he can. But Sam’s never really been the safe choice type.
“Okay,” he says, hands curling around his shoulders, carefully rolling the man over on his back, “let’s see the damage.”
It’s enough to kill a human. But that’s not really what he’s dealing with.
                                                           —    
The Super Soldiers were a desperation play. Sam was supposed to be one of them. The best of Earth’s fighters, dosed with serum, patched up with cybernetics based on Chitauri tech, sent out to face the enemies that had invaded the planet.
Sam’s still not sure exactly how it happened, what level of their defenses failed. He only knows failure by its consequences.
The neural implants were hacked. The soldiers turned against their people. Sam, who’d been four days out from his own procedure, was shifted to a team tasked with hunting them down and eliminating them.
These days, there aren’t many left. There’s not much of anyone left. The Chitauri fundamentally misunderstood their target. Sam could’ve warned them. The species of mutually assured destruction was never going to die quiet.
He thinks about that while the Soldier sleeps, chained to a bed in a locked basement in an abandoned building two miles from the base. Sam keeps watch. He has a radio in case anything goes wrong, but he doesn’t intend to use it for anything other than warning them what’s coming.
“I could’ve been you,” Sam tells him. And then, smiling at nothing, shaking his head, “Hell, you could’ve been me.”
He wonders where he’s from. He wonders what his name is.
He wonders, when he can’t help it, what he did. If he ever killed anyone Sam used to know.
                                                           —    
The Soldier sleeps for forty hours and then sits straight up in bed, rips the chains off his wrists like they’re pipe cleaners, and then turns to face Sam. “What the hell,” he says.
“Oh, well,” Sam says, too startled to be afraid. “Didn’t want anyone stealing you.”
The Soldiers makes a face at him, an incredulous sneer that twists up his mouth and pulls his dark eyebrows together, and he looks so human, so perfectly skeptical, that Sam starts laughing.
“Well,” he says, with a shrug, “you killed fifteen aliens with a tire iron. You’re a treasure.”
“And I want it back.” he says, immediately. “Where’s my tire iron?”
“Confiscated,” Sam says.
He glares, and Sam‘s probably meant to be intimidated, but he knows – they both know – that, if this guy wanted to scare Sam, he could just start breaking bones. Or walls. “I want it back when I leave.”
“Leave,” Sam repeats. He kicks back in his chair, balances on the back legs as he swings his feet up onto the Soldier’s bed. “Why’re you leaving?”
The Soldier stares at Sam’s booted feet near his knees. “Usually it’s the fact that I’m a timebomb that chases me off,” he says, “but it looks like your manners are the real horrorshow around here.”
Sam grins at him. He’s merciless about it, uses the most charming smile in his arsenal. He expects the guy to soften a bit, but he’s not expecting the doubletake he gets, the there-and-away bounce of his stare, like Sam’s suddenly something he wants to look at but doesn’t want to get caught looking at.
Huh, he thinks.
“When’s the last time you hurt someone?” Sam asks.
The Soldier’s face crumples up and then flattens out. “What is this? Some kinda trial? An interrogation?”
“If this were an interrogation, I wouldn’t’ve given you the soft pillows,” Sam tells him.
The Soldier doesn’t look like he buys it. But, after a moment, he tips his head to the side. “Probably wouldn’t want to get blood on these white sheets,” he acknowledges.
“Christ,” Sam says, because that more or less seems to be the only thing he could possibly say to something like that.
The Soldier shrugs. He brushes his hair away from his face, blinks, and gives Sam a skeptical sideways stare. “Did you wash my hair?”
“With a firehose,” Sam confirms. “Damn near shaved the whole thing off. You were a mess, man.”
He shrugs. “It’s messy work.”
And, sure, it is. Sam knows. His base is the first resettlement outpost in this region. They’ve been clearing Chitauri out of the area for months.
But he still takes a damn shower whenever possible.
“Who were you?” Sam asks. “Before the program?”
The Soldier looks away. Looks at nothing. After a long pause, he recites, careful and rote, “Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes. 107th.”
“Okay,” Sam says. “James. When’s the last time you hurt a human being?”
He worries at his lower lip, teeth pressing into the skin. He’s quiet for a very long time. “Thirteen months, ten days,” he says, finally.
Sam considers the timeline. “You think it’s over?”
“I think the implant’s in my fucking brain,” he says. “It’ll be over at brain death.”
“It’s just a chip,” Sam says. “It’s not sentient. Someone’s gotta send the message, right?”
The Soldier’s jaw works. “Even if the aliens stay out, there’s gonna be plenty of people who want to use someone like me, as soon as they rebuild enough to manage.”
It’s a hell of thing, and it could’ve been Sam.
He nudges the Soldier’s knee with his boot, and the Soldier stares at the point of contact. He doesn’t look angry anymore. If Sam had to use a word to describe the expression on the Soldier’s face, he thinks he’d use something bittersweet and barbed, something like lonely or longing.
“Gonna be a long damn time before anyone’s rebuilt,” he says.
“Aliens could have reinforcements here at any time,” the Soldier says.
“Maybe,” Sam says, although he thinks they might’ve learned some kind of lesson. At the very least, they’ve probably learned that it’s just not worth the effort.
“Look,” Sam says. “I think you should come back to the base.”
“No,” he says. Immediate and definite, louder then he’s been so far.
Sam expected it. Maybe part of him hoped for it. “Okay,” he says. “Then we’ll stay here. And, when you’re better, I want you to take a radio. And I want you to check in with us. All right? Every day.”
The Soldier stares at him. “Why the hell would you want that?”
Sam smiles, studies the hollows of the Soldier’s face, the scars, the freckles he must’ve earned when he was young, used to play too long in the sun. He has, Sam thinks, beautiful eyes. “There’s not a lot of us left,” he says.
“‘Us,’” the Soldier repeats, scoffing audibly.
“Us,” Sam repeats. He nudges the Soldier’s knee again, and the Soldier cuts his eyes away, glares at the wall. But, a moment later, he shifts, leans his knee into Sam.
                                                         —      
His name is Bucky Barnes. He’s fussy as hell, stubborn beyond belief, helpful every chance he can get, and fond of cats and songbirds. He doesn’t cheat at cards, and he doesn’t accuse Sam of it either, even when Sam beats him damn near every hand.
He’s a good man. Even now.
“I’m gonna miss you,” Sam says. Because it’s been two weeks, and Bucky’s decided he’s well enough to go.
Bucky ducks his head. “Shut up,” he says.
Sam wonders if he was always this head shy about affection.
“C’mere,” he says. “I’ll give you a goodbye kiss.”
“Shut up,” Bucky says, practically scuttling away, head still ducked. When he raises it, he’s grinning one of his ghost grins, the ones that almost show who he used to be, like a faint echo of a louder, happier man.
“Okay,” Sam says. “But if I don’t get a goodbye kiss, I’m definitely not gonna talk dirty to you on that radio. You gotta put in the work, Bucky.”
“I hate you,” Bucky tells him, and his crush couldn’t be more obvious. Sam would be embarrassed for him, if he weren’t busy being charmed.
“Yeah, yeah,” Sam says. “Check in every day, or I’m gonna track you down.”
“Hm,” Bucky says. He adjusts his pack on his shoulders. He’s got that tire iron, an alarming number of knives, and two guns. He’s setting off to kill more aliens. He’s going alone. “That supposed to be a threat?”
He was a Barnes in the Army and Sam was a Wilson in the Air Force, and so Bucky is a Super Soldier and Sam is not. It’s unpredictable, sometimes, the way mercy falls.
“Be careful out there,” Sam says, and he knocks his elbow against Bucky’s.
“Yeah,” Bucky says. He rolls his eyes and then catches Sam watching, and he blinks, falters. “Yeah,” he says, again. Softer, steadier. A promise, not a joke.
Sam considers him, lets the moment hang. Waits. Sometimes, all Bucky needs is the space and time to make up his own mind.
“I’m gonna miss you, too,” Bucky says.
“There it is,” Sam says, grinning, almost crowing in triumphant. “There--”
“Oh, Jesus,” Bucky says, rolling his eyes again, getting theatrical about it. “I already regret saying it.”
“Can’t take it back,” Sam taunts, grinning wide and smug.
“I’m going,” Bucky says, and he starts off, doesn’t look back.
“Hey, Buck,” Sam calls, when Bucky’s just about to break through the treeline, disappear into the woods. “I hate to see you go, but I love----”
“Fuck off, Sam!” Bucky says, but he’s laughing, and Sam can still hear it – surprised and happy, fully human – even after Bucky disappears.
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let-them-read-fics · 4 years ago
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Die For You
Requested by Anon: “hi :) can I request Jennie scenario based on The Weeknd’s song ‘Die For You’? I also wanted to say I really love your works, they’re really good”
Pairing: Jennie x Fem!Reader
Word Count: 3,705
Warnings / Misc. -- Angst, Fluff, Near-Death Experience, Happy Ending
Disclaimer: This writing is a work of fiction, and no disrespect is meant for those mentioned herein.
A/N: Thank you anon! My schedule is getting busy again, so writings may take a bit longer to get posted; I apologize for the delay with this one, but I hope you enjoy it nonetheless. Let me know what you guys think!
PS ~ This is my first time writing a song request, so I kind of just went with it lol. It’s a little messy, but I think it has charm. Happy reading!
🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤
Jennie Kim has a magnetic pull to her -- one that is relentless and unwavering once it takes control of you. It’s hypnotic in every way; sweet torture in its truest form; and you’re always left to pick up the pieces.
The arrangement that you share with Jennie has been clear from the get-go: friends with benefits, no strings attached. Neither of you have time for anything serious, and this seemed like a win-win: always having someone to come home to when you happened to be in the same area at the same time? Hell yeah. 
You hate that you want me
Hate it when you cry
You're scared to be lonely
'Specially in the night
Gradually, though, things got messy -- lines became blurred as feelings mixed into the equation. You did everything in your power to make them go away, reminding yourself time and time again of the agreement you had. But in moments like these, as you lay in bed with Jennie, her head resting on your chest as your hand runs through her hair, you can’t help how your heart swells. Pale moonlight traces patterns on the floor, wiggling its way into the room to offer a soft glow and ambiance. In here, you’re untouchable: no cameras or prying eyes; it’s just you and Jennie, free to be yourselves. Given this fact, you’ve grown to have a love-hate relationship with these four walls; they’re your haven -- your refuge -- but they serve as a brutal reminder of just how limited your relationship with Jennie is.
Nothing is certain: weeks turn into months -- especially when she’s on tour or otherwise occupied with her busy schedule -- and you’re left to your own devices, waiting on her return. Each day without her brings you closer to believing that you’re strong enough to move onto something better -- something more consistent; but then there she is, knocking on your door again, completely pushing that absurd idea from your mind. One smile from her is enough to reel you back in, and it only makes you feel more conflicted. 
Jennie stirs in her sleep, nuzzling her face closer into you as she brings a hand up to rest against your collarbone. Her body twitches lightly, lips pursing and pouting against your neck, and you wonder what she’s dreaming about. She doesn’t seem to be distressed in any way, so you take the opportunity to get a good look at her. Within the next couple hours the alarm would be blaring that sound that you despise more than anything else in this world, signalling for her to get ready and head off to the airport to leave you all over again. Despite the circumstances, you're comforted by the fact that she always makes sure to set it for the very last second, barely giving herself enough time to catch her flight -- she wants to spend every moment possible with you, and she makes it a point to do just that. Tearful goodbyes in the back of your car would be too involved for your “relationship”, so you always try to seem unaffected (or, at least, as close to that as you can manage). You save your tears for when you arrive back home, where you spend the evening coming to terms with her absence. She would never tell you, of course, but her flights are known to bear witness to plenty of sadness for her as well; with each new mile added to the distance between the two of you, her heart breaks a little more.
~~~~~~~
It’s been 4 months since you last saw Jennie. The time apart had offered you a new perspective, something in the long nights without her affirming what you already knew to be true -- you weren’t capable of continuing on like this much longer. Nothing about your situation was ever simple; the instant you began catching feelings, it all became muddled. The one rule set -- the only principle you were tasked with following -- had been broken, and there was nothing you could do to repair it. 
A knock at your door echoes out across the empty apartment, and you quickly put down the food that you had been preparing. With a swift adjustment of the dial, you set the burner to simmer and make your way to the door. None of your friends had mentioned that they were coming by, so you’re genuinely clueless as to who it could be. 
“Jennie?” Surprise is inadequate in describing the feeling that courses through you upon meeting that familiar gaze. The metal of the knob is cool in your hand as you grip it, knuckles turning white while your emotions run wild. She had failed to let you know that she was coming back to town, neglecting even to text you recently.  
“Miss me?” How are you to answer that? Part of you wants to blurt out your thoughts, effectively ripping the metaphorical band aid right off, but another part of you wants to deny her: the past few months had allowed your feelings to become somewhat dormant as you attempted to see a future beyond this arrangement, one void of her presence. It’s completely normal to feel like that, you tell yourself. It’s strange, but as in love with her as you are, you’re almost as equally indifferent about it all. How many more times could you watch her walk away, only to string you along until she came waltzing right back in? 
The more important question of the matter is apparent: how would you even begin to tell her what you’re feeling? In the past, you’ve tried to make her aware of what you’re going through, only to be met by a change of topic. She always stayed reserved, opting to spend your time together talking about anything other than that.
Deciding that you were taking far too long to respond to her, she steps into the room, closing the door behind her. The time away from you had affected her more than she’s willing to admit, and she’s more than ready to embrace you. Her arms wrap around your shoulders, pulling your body flush up against hers, and she sighs at the feeling. “I’ve missed holding you, Y/N.” The sweet nothing does it’s job, making your heart flutter as the words register in your mind. You’re still tense, though, and she doesn’t fail to notice; before long, soft kisses are being trailed across your face -- her attempt at relaxing you. Sometimes you wonder if she knows your body better than you do: it responds to her, just like she knew it would, and you loosen up. 
After what feels like minutes of just standing there, bodies intertwined, her hands make their way to your hips. She leans forward and ghosts her lips over yours, her gloss smudging a bit in the process. A battle is being fought in your mind: should you allow yourself this indulgence? Or is this the time to be strong and finally put your foot down? The choice is made up for you by the way that she slowly backs you up against the wall, along with how her mouth brushes against yours as her warm hands steady you. Before you can stop yourself, you close the distance. 
Her lips move against yours in perfect time, a delicious rhythm being set in the process. It brings to mind the notion that maybe -- just maybe -- the two of you are meant to be. After all, you fit together like a puzzle, being complete in the presence of one another. 
As her fingers play at the band of your shorts, hands roaming further with each needy kiss she presses to your lips, you debate with yourself. Her actions tempt you to cave in and give yourself up to her, but you decide that you can’t go down that road again. At least not until everything gets sorted. Quickly -- as to not give her anymore time to change your mind -- you step back and run a hand through your hair. Hers is messy, lips red and pupils blown wide. She reaches out for you again, but you simply hold your hand up in response.
“I can’t, Jennie.” The words come out as a reluctant declaration, your tone sounding tired.
Her brows furrow, but you continue.
“I can’t keep doing this.” 
“Elaborate.” Her demand is clear, but you miss the effort that it took for her to come off that way. At your words, panic began to course through her; she can’t lose you. 
“Whatever this is,” you say, motioning between the two of you. “I can’t be someone who waits around for you all the time, just keeping your bed warm.” She wants to laugh at that one; it’s almost comical how far you are from the truth. Jennie knows she’s good at hiding her feelings, but she’s shocked that she managed to make you believe something that ridiculous about yourself. You mean the world to her -- she’s just too afraid to admit it.
“Y/N--”
“No, don’t even try to change the subject; I’m sick of it. Please, just listen to me for once.”
A subtle nod from her serves as your cue to continue.
“I never meant for things to get like this, Jennie, believe me. But I can’t pretend anymore: I like you, a lot. And after having you in the ways that I’ve had you…” you pause, allowing your eyes to trail up and down her body as you clench your jaw, “I can’t bear the thought of someone taking my place when I’m not around. Do you know how hard that is to deal with?”
Happens every time
I'm scared that I'll miss you
I don't want this feelin'
I can't afford love
She seems stunned, to say the least; she blinks a few times before gathering her thoughts and speaking up. “You’re all I think about, no matter what I’m doing.” For a second, you’re hopeful: your heart beats a little faster at her confession, and you finally believe you’re getting somewhere with her. Sadly, she continues: “But I can’t afford that. I don’t have time for a commitment like that, and we have something good right now. I’ve seen plenty of relationships go bad and end in heartbreak; why should we risk it?”
“Aren’t you tired of it? Sometimes I really start to think that you like me back, but then you’re as guarded as ever, pushing me away again. I never know where I stand with you. So unless you tell me how you honestly feel, you’ll have to take me off your list of fuck buddies.”
Your language catches her off guard, seeing as how it’s unexpected and unlike you. How are you so oblivious? You’re so much more than that to her.
“Fine, Y/N! I’m in deeper than I care to admit. I’ve tried to run from it, but I can’t. You’re the one person I can’t seem to forget, and I can’t stand you because of that. And yeah..” she pauses, a bit exasperated, and takes a deep breath before continuing. “I won’t deny that I’ve been with other people when I’m away.” You close your eyes at her admission, that familiar sadness beginning to seep in -- it wasn’t anything you didn’t already know, but that doesn’t make its confirmation any easier to hear. 
“They’re not you, though. They don’t know me like you do… they’re not fun like you. I’ve never felt like this about anyone, and I don’t want to. It terrifies me.”
“That’s kinda part of the deal, Jennie -- it’s a scary thing. I’m not saying it’ll be easy, but I’m willing to try with you. What we have right now is wearing me down, and I don’t deserve it; so either listen to your heart and be with me, or you won’t be seeing me again.”
Following your ultimatum, she doesn’t dare speak. Her brows are slightly furrowed again, jaw set, and she’s looking at the ground. Out of habit, your arms cross against your chest -- being vulnerable is never something you particularly enjoy (especially with so much on the line) but you’re sick of beating around the bush with her. One of the first lessons you ever learned from Jennie is that she avoids her feelings at all costs; so, standing there, you wonder what it would take to make her finally open up. Would your absence be enough? Maybe you were foolish for thinking so.
With every second that passes, silence remaining unbroken by the words that you so desperately want to hear from her, your heart sinks more and more. Every insecurity you have is swirling in your mind, further clouding it. Her lack of a response confirms your fears, and you nod quickly, knowing what you have to do. 
“Okay, I get it. I’m gonna take a walk, but you can stay here and take a shower since you just got in. When I come back, though, I want you gone.”
She doesn’t even raise her head to look at you. Inside, her heart is breaking; every fiber of her being is begging to say something -- anything -- but she stays quiet. It’s hard enough for her to keep her feelings for you in check with the arrangement you have now; if you become official, she won’t know what to do with herself. She’s falling hard, but she’s fighting it all the while -- her lifestyle doesn’t have room for love. You deserve someone who can be with you whenever you want them, not someone who’s always a world away. Calls and texts only go so far, and she knows it wouldn’t be enough for either of you. She’s spent your latest stint apart attempting to come to terms with the idea of life without you; it’s the last thing she wants, but she needs you to move on and find someone better. For you, she’s willing to hurt, so long as it means you’re happy. 
After a beat, she accepts your words, confirming that she heard you by giving a simple nod. Any remaining hope you were clinging to fades away completely, and you’re left feeling empty. Now at the coat rack, you pull your jacket over your shoulders and slip your shoes on. “There’s food on the stove, by the way. Don’t let it burn.” You say over your shoulder, too sad to look at her again. Maybe that’s some sort of symbolism: the wonderful thing you had spent so long creating was fizzling out right in front of you, Jennie being the one who could fix it all. She can step up and repair things, but that doesn’t seem very likely to happen. Tears are brimming in your eyes, and her heart breaks at the sound of your sniffles. 
Even though we're going through it
And it makes you feel alone
With a thud, the apartment door closes, and Jennie finally breaks down. It all hits her in an instant, and soon she’s sliding down to the floor, her tears mimicking her actions as they fall onto her cheeks. Why did this have to be so hard? Seeing the pain etched so plainly into your features was definitely the hardest part to all of this; she’s being cruel to be kind… if only you knew that. 
I try to find reason to pull us apart
It ain't workin' 'cause you're perfect
And I know that you're worth it
I can't walk away, oh!
As soon as Jennie had realized her feelings all that time ago, she racked her brain for any and every logical reason to end things. She would pick fights over small things, praying to every higher power that you’d get tired of the stupidity and give up on her. So many other people had in the past, so why wouldn’t you? Knowing that you’re different from all the rest -- perfect for her in every way imaginable -- only scares her more. You lit a fire in her heart the day you met, and it’s only grown stronger ever since. 
~~~~~~~
20 Minutes Later
You have no real destination in mind; you’re content with just allowing your feet to take you wherever they wish to go.
Chatter from across the city makes its way to your ears, oddly offering a sense of comfort in your time of need. The night sky is full of stars, and the city bustles with life and activity. As you pass different businesses and shops, their iridescent lights shine just for you. Distant cars honk as they traverse the streets, and your mind begins to think of all of the different things those people might be doing right now. Surely some are having a great day, maybe on their way home, eager to be greeted by their loved ones. Others might be hurting just like you.
And you won't find no one that's better
'Cause I'm right for you, babe
I think I'm right for you, babe
Jennie fails to realize that all you want is her; you’re not naive -- you know how crazy her schedule is, but you’re more than willing to make sacrifices if it means she’ll be yours. No one makes you feel the way she does, and the thought of spending your life searching for something that can never compare scares you. 
A slight breeze rolls in, ghosting over your skin, and you’re reminded of all the times she would pull you in close to keep you warm. Her sweet perfume would fill your nose as you snuggled into her embrace, sharing the heat that her coat offered. Getting over her would definitely be a bitch.
It's hard for me to communicate the thoughts that I hold
But tonight I'm gon' let you know
Let me tell the truth
Baby, let me tell the truth, yeah
The peace -- if you can call it that -- is broken by a shout. “Y/N, wait!” Confused, you spin around on your heel towards the voice. It’s Jennie; she’s sprinting to you, her brown locks bouncing and flowing in the wind with every step. Conflicted, yet again, your feet appear to be rooted in their spot. What does she want now? It seems that every time you get your hopes up, she’s always letting you down. With this in mind, you slowly turn back around and continue your walk. Eventually she’ll catch up to you, but you need the extra time to gather your now-jumbled thoughts. 
Just know that I would die for you
Baby I would die for you, yeah
It all happened in a blur. As you began crossing the street to put more distance between Jennie and yourself, the high pitched sound of tires squealing against the pavement rang out. The car came out of nowhere, barrelling straight towards you with no signs of stopping; they had run a red light. Your eyes locked with the driver’s, both of you donning an equally terrified expression, and you had no time to react. Just as the bumper was about to come into contact with your body, you were instead forcefully shoved out of the way. Another person -- your savior -- comes tumbling with you just in the nick of time, and the driver swerves around you.  
“Are you okay?!” It’s Jennie; her voice is ripe with worry, her thoughts focused solely on your wellbeing. She doesn’t even notice the cut that she received from the fall. You bring your hand up to her forehead to assess the wound.
“Y-yeah, I’m good. But you,” you say, touching her injury and eliciting a pained hiss from her in the process, “...are not.” The two of you are breathing hard as adrenaline courses through your systems; once it has died down a bit, you stand up and check each other for any more sore spots.
“Thank you, Jennie. I don’t know how to repay you for something like that.” 
“I’d do it again a million times, Y/N. I’m sorry for putting you through all of this. I came to tell you that I love you, and that I’m done running. Seeing you leave really put things into perspective for me.”
“Am I supposed to believe that, or will you change your mind again?” The words are harsh, your voice laced with the bitterness that you still hold onto. You can’t find it in yourself to cushion the blow much; you’re still hurt by what’s happened in the past, and rightfully so. Beyond that, though, you’re trying to be cautious; after hearing her confess like that, you know there’s no going back. 
“Okay, I deserve that one. But I mean what I said. You’re the best thing in my life -- the best I’ve ever had -- and I just want you to be happy. I’ve always been afraid that I can’t give you that if I’m so far away all the time.” 
“Oh, baby,” you start, cupping her cheek and running your thumb across it soothingly. She leans into your touch, and your expression softens. “All I’ve ever wanted is you. You’re everything to me, you know that? We can do this together, so long as you’re willing to try.” 
“I am.” She utters before pulling you in, sealing your new agreement with a kiss. Her lips move against yours gently, taking their time as they attempt to make up for her previous behavior. It’s soft yet urgent, a million different things passing between you without words. 
Suddenly, you pull back, and Jennie panics for a second. 
“Did you turn the burner off?”
“Oh shit!” She exclaims, a look of pure fear gracing her features. 
Just as that cold, prickly feeling of dread begins to spread throughout your body, she grins. 
“Yes, I did.” 
You roll your eyes and huff loudly at her, delivering a rough shove to her shoulder. 
“Don’t do that to me!” 
She responds by pulling you in again, kissing away your frown. “I love you, too, if you didn’t catch that earlier.” You declare, feeling her lips turn up in that beautifully iconic smile of hers. She hums at that, pulling you in closer just as the chilly wind blows again. Huh, maybe the universe had been listening all along.
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lorata · 4 years ago
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I know some people (in regards to the ballad of songbirds and snakes) have suggested Lucy never really cared about snow but I prefer to believe she did at the very least care for him and liked him in some way as it makes him seem like an even more despicable human being at the end of the book. It shows him as a truely selfish man who was willing to kill and sacrifice people who loved him in order to further himself. Curious to hear your opinion
I’m gonna say the same thing I always say when people ask me these kinds of questions: It can be both things.
You can be attracted to someone and realize that if he doesn’t like you back, odds are you’ll end up dead, so you’d better pull out every trick you have to make sure he reciprocates
You can be alone and scared and think you’re about to die and no one around you will notice or care and this one person shows you kindness, and when you’re in a desert even a drop of water is enough
You can be a naturally suspicious survivor and think he’s probably only using you for his career and think, who cares? you’re going to die anyway, let’s enjoy it while it lasts
You can be determined to use him as much as he’s using you until you finally snap at him and realize that maybe, maybe he actually means it a little after all and something in your heart twists a little
You can push it all aside when it’s time to survive because surviving is what you do, this is what you’ve always done, until the snakes sway and the trumpets ring, until the guards come and they tell you that he cheated, he broke the rules
he broke the rules for you, he ruined his career
for you
what if it was always, all of it, for you
(that doesn’t make sense, you’re smart, you’re a survivor, you play the game and so does he, you know how it goes, you were using each other, but you know what they said, he gave up his career so you could win --)
Anyway it doesn’t matter. He loses his career. You go home. You move on. You’re good at moving on. You put it in a song, because that’s what you do, and they welcome you at home with wide arms and hearty voices.
And then.
And then.
He’s here. He’s back. Little older, little harder, little sharper. Little wary around the eyes. Life’s kicked him around some but you know how that feels and you can help him. If he’ll let you.
There’s relief, and there’s the feeling it’s too good to be true
There’s the heady rush of getting what you wanted, and the dread of waiting for the axe to fall
There’s loving his hands on your waist, and noticing how they tighten when another man’s eyes happen to land on you
There’s the novelty of being protected for once and the growing discomfort of seeing the mayor’s possessive ownership reflected in the words he says, the way he puts himself in front of you, the way he doesn’t listen, and you start to think, does he love you or does he want to own you
(as soon as you think it the old fear returns, you’re not fighting for your life anymore but he’s a peacekeeper now, and everyone knows what happens when you cross a peacekeeper, even in twelve -- and as soon as you think it, as soon as you drop that rock in the water the surface is no longer smooth, the ripples start, and they spread and spread and spread)
(but he broke the rules for you, he ruined his career for you, he came to twelve for you, and billy said you always run when it gets good, are you sure you aren’t just doing that again, looking for reasons to push him away-?)
And then Mayfair
And then Sejanus
And you have to believe, you have to believe because then what, two men are liars is one thing, two men are liars isn’t even a surprise, barb azure would sigh and offer you a bottle of moonshine and joke about are you sure you don’t want to try her side of the fence she knows plenty who’d be willing, but two men liars and one man a murderer is too much, too much, you need to believe there’s still some good, you weren’t that wrong, you aren’t that STUPID --
You make plans to run away and you tell yourself a story. You’re good at stories, you tell them for a living, it’s how you’ve fed your family all your life, and it’s not hard to reach for the threads and spin a new tale. Maybe you even believe it.
You find the cabin. You find the rifles. You’re not sure whether you or he was looking to find them here. It’s the sound of a plate shattering on a hard floor. It’s ice creaking beneath your boots and the shore five steps away. It’s putting your hand through a window and staring at shock at the red ribbons tracing your skin. It’s the final puzzle piece sitting neatly into place. It’s looking in your first silver-backed mirror on the tribute after years of wavy Seam glass and seeing your reflection at once in sharp unreality and gut-punching recognition.
You know. You always knew. You can’t believe it. You always did.
You run. He calls. He chases. Cajoles. Threatens. Shoots. Falls behind.
You survive.
Did you love him? Did you use him?
Well, stranger, songs aren’t free. Who’s buying?
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freddyjoncs · 3 years ago
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fox e. jones — ❝  Nobody move, there's blood on the floor and I can't find my heart ❞
full name: fox everett jones
city of birth: manhattan, new york.
date of birth: august 25.
zodiac sign: virgo
parents: fred and daphne jones
siblings: january jones
sexuality: bisexual
nicknames: n/a
face claim: manu rios ( voice: ryan philippe )
personality.
+, natural-born leader, calculating, collected -, cruel, arrogant, self-loathing
the bio below touches on many triggering topics. reader discretion is advised. *
background information.
fox jones is the perfect mix of foolish daydreams starring bad boys with twisted smiles and wicked laughs and old-style shotguns and nectar-burnt lungs. on the outside he’s presents the perfect image. one that the jones could be proud of. a golden son that daphne could dote on and a son to take the mantle of mystery inc from freddy as time had passed. To the outside world Fox is perfect but it’s far from the truth. Below the surface there’s a hurt person. someone who chooses to inflict pain on others to silence his own.
fox was born into the world of the underground crime scene. his father was a powerful mob boss in the streets of new york by night and a powerful lawyer by day. the graves his father had filled were unmatched. from young age fox was taught that people were disposable. they were just pawns to further yourself in the game of life. he was taught that he was disposable. his parents weren’t the kindest. his mother was a socialite by day, rubbing elbows with the high class women of society to get into their good graces ( and resources ) and at night she was just as awful and heartless as his father, pushing her kids past their limits and degrading them when failure struck. and the devil himself? well he had kids just to have a legacy. someone to do his biddings and maybe take over once he finally kicked the bucket. fox was just another one of his little pawns. if he didn’t live up to the expectation that were placed upon him there were plenty of others who could replace him. so fox worked hard to be the best, better than his brother and sisters. he refused to be thrown to the wayside. he was going to prove himself useless to his father one way or another.
in a way, fox believed if he was the best then his parents would pay attention to him. maybe they’d even love him. he’d be worth loving if he held value. 
he trained hard in martial arts & firearms. although, a knife was much more desirable to fox. he earned himself the name ‘lucky’ because whenever he was around deals ended in his father’s favor. which meant fox was kept around and closer. his siblings soon picked up on how their parents operated life as a business and progressed. they became just as deadly as fox. ruthless and terrifying. 
but fox? fox was pretty. a pretty bird that no one could ever be scared of. even with how deadly he was people would laugh whenever he entered the room of negotiations or interrogations. how could such an angelic face ever strike fear? he couldn’t -  not without a snide remark or a pass. so fox was put to use elsewhere. his skills and body were used in a way fox never imagined they would be but he did for the business. to be taken seriously and to be a good son in his father’s deck. i mean, his family had already taken advantage of him. why not others?
so he allowed himself to be used. if it meant it’d further his family’s success. his nickname still came through for his family time and time again every deal closing perfectly, and while the success was good it wasn’t enough for fox. he was tired of sitting being pretty with grabby hand old men who complained about their loveless marriages to their wives. he wanted to be part of it - not on the sidelines. 
he had overheard his father talking about a big deal that was going to take place in two days time. it was very much so a make it or break it moment for foxes family. it was also the perfect chance to show he was useful. if his plan went south and the deal failed it would end miserably but if it succeeded? Fox could only imagine the glory. he was able to pull a few strings to get himself into the door before his father. of course when fox stepped in he wasn’t taken seriously. why would they send in someone like him? Fox wasn’t as stupid as they dubbed him to be. he came to a drug deal with the goods to pay. the others decided to pull the tough gangster routine on him. insults were thrown and before they could pull the wool over fox’s eyes he had one upped them. they were all dead within seconds. underestimating fox was their biggest mistake. he was just about to finish off the big boss when a different gun shot off and killed the man before him. fox didn’t need to turn around to know it was his father holding the gun. he also didn’t need to turn around to know he was absolutely livid. 
the car ride home was silent, unsettling even. fox could only imagine how his father was going to reprimand him but when they stopped at a warehouse fox was left confused as to why they were brought here and not home. of course he was taught not to question so fox got out without a word. perhaps he should have questioned why they were here because before he knew it he felt a white hot pain on his back. He managed to get a small glimpse of his father beating him with a crowbar before all went black. He had gone against his father’s wishes and now he was paying for it. the fact he wasn’t dead was sympathy on it’s own but fox was left for dead in that warehouse. He didn’t know how long he was there for but after some time he mustered up enough course to try and seek out help.
wondering the streets of new york looking like he did wasn’t the smartest idea but it garnered the attention of fred jones. when asked if he was okay fox looked the man dead in the eyes and retorted ‘what do you think?’ and when asked if he had a home near by fox went silent.
he had no home anymore. no family. nothing. that alone was enough to have fred take him home. the man saw a lot of himself in the young boy before him: angry and afraid. fox protested and insisted he only stay a day or two until he figured something out. he didn’t need any handouts from strangers. even if they were wealthy strangers. but two days soon turned to a week, to five months and before he knew it fox was adopted into the jones family. it took him quite some time to adjust to a real family. fox was hesitant at first, brash and heinous towards them. it wasn’t until he spent alone time with daphne did fox feel like he belonged. there was no ploy, no gimmick, they actually cared for him. it was a feeling he wasn’t used to. he allowed himself to be loved and for the first time loved in returned. maybe not love, but he cared for the jones’ and saw them as his real family. it took some time but even his relationship with fred has come around. 
currently, fox is the new leader of the next generation of mystery inc. after spending time with his parents their love of the paranormal rubbed off on him. the fact fred wanted to pass the baton down to his son was a honor in it’s own. they trusted him. it’s not something fox took for granted. he also did modeling as well thanks to january. daphne’s love of fashion did indeed rub off on him. you’ll never catch him in a dull outfit. Compared to the life he used to live Fox was now in paradise. he was happy to let the old him die and be reborn into someone new. ( although the new him wasn’t so great either ). the last he heard of them it was that they were in jail. without his so called luck on their side they were finally caught but being incarcerated wasn’t enough for fox. no he wanted them to suffer the way they intended he did but that’s a whole bag of trauma fox refuses to acknowledge among other feelings he’s repressed. 
he was happy with his life, happy with his family and of course happy to make people miserable. his life was perfect until stefan mcqueen decided they would be friends. fox didn’t do friends but he found himself growing attached to the idiot. and of course when marcus teague decided to punch him in the face it left fox to develop something towards him. the anger and hatred he felt melted into something else. something that fox wishes would go away because he can’t like marcus.
let alone be in love with him.
but hey, it’s just another feeling getting shoved into a box never to see the light of day. 
social media.
[ latest tweet ] @foxjones: good morning [ image url ]
[ last outgoing text ] text to january god doesn’t respond why should i
[ most played song ] judas by lady gaga
connections.
mystery inc kids: he tolerates them. ( he loves them rly )
marcus teague: enemies to lovers tea
stefan mcqueen: they’re friends. he won’t admit it.
hadrian foxworth: actual enemy. hates him v much. memo to self to destroy him later
connections: hmu
his pinterest board // playlist
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ficsforeren · 3 years ago
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First of all, hiiiiii! How are you doing? I missed you! I hope you’re well and your baby is doing well too. So I’m not really big on zombie apocalypse settings because I’m a wimp and I get scared easily. But is there a happy ending there where… you know like Eren or the reader don’t die and end up happy together. Or because it’s based off of that Will Smith movie then Eren is going to die and then they find out there’s actually a larger community of human beings than expected and at least Eren dies knowing Y/N is safe
And so I have a theory about The Lies We Told. You said no happy ending right? It’s mentioned that Y/N’s great great grandfather wiped out Eren’s family. And now all of a sudden Eren ends up near the castle with his memory wiped and he’s badly injured? So what if the original plan was to send Eren to infiltrate the castle or I don’t know he was supposed to kill off the royal family. Now all of a sudden he gets injured and he lost his memory. So the original plan is out the window because Eren is now in love with Princess Y/N. Aside from the whole love triangle thing with Armin, what’s gonna happen if or when Eren gets his memory back? Are there more Jaegers or enemies of the royal family plotting to wipe them out? Oh my god, does Y/N end up dying in Eren’s arms? Cause Eren did request from King Erwin that all he wanted was to be with his daughter…
The last song broke me and in the original ending Eren died so for your knight!Eren series would Y/N die this time? Or would that be too predictable. Or would you pull something similar to the manga where Eren dies at the hands of the one he loved the most and wow I can just go on and on.
Let me just end off with thanking you for the last song spin off. I really needed that happy ending where Eren doesn’t die and gets to see his kids grow up and be with the love of his life. And most of all, I get to imagine where Eren is in love with me and we have a stable home life
I’ve noticed you’ve been popping out fics left and right. I hope you’re prioritizing your health and getting plenty of rest. Do you also have any tips for writer’s block? I‘ve been struggling with it for months and it’s just been a road block.
Anyway, sorry for the spiel. But bottomline I hope you’re doing well and taking care of yourself!
HELLO THERE, DARLING!!!! I'm so so so so sooooo sorry for the late reply omg I keep answering my new asks instead of my older ones I'm so stupid forgive me 😭😭😭
let me start by saying THANK YOU FOR THE LONG MESSAGE AAAHHHHHH I LOVE THIS I LOVE YOU YOU ARE SO PRECIOUS
I've been well, thank you for asking! I hope you are too ❤️
omg you don't have to read it if zombie au isn't your cup of tea, darling, I can understand why it would be scary! I tried my best to not make it scary though. I've been focusing more on the fluffy, slice-of-life parts where they get to be besties and fall in love and everything. as for the ending, I can't say anything yet because I don't want to spoil it to my readers but if you're expecting a happy ending... well, remember that I'm kanayama. I'm allergic to happy endings, apparently 💀
your theory for the lies we told? close, but not quite. I wish I could tell you the whole thing but I have to keep my lips shut for now. Thank you for sharing your theories though! It's very interesting to see my readers coming up with theories for my fics lmaoooo
you're very welcome, darling! I'm glad you liked In Another Life! I hope I could post another chapter soon. I'm trying to finish Never Let Me Go atm but after that, maybe I can go back to rockstar eren hehe
tips for writer's block? umm well every time I have one i just close my macbook and watch movies/tv shows instead. it can take my mind off things and i can get some inspirations from there so i'll feel motivated to write again. just remember not to force yourself to write. writing, for me especially, is supposed to be a way for you to escape reality. it's a stress-relief so what's the point of writing if it will only make you feel even more stressed? just do it when you feel like it ❤️
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