#and I have another nine chapters written after that

[sagesfandomspot]

sooo how do we feel about getting the first chapter of the next installment of New Beginnings next Sunday??

[mononijikayu]

pretending as always — ryomen sukuna.

"Sukuna." you whispered, your voice barely more than a breath. "Do you ever think about us? About how things used to be?" He didn’t answer right away, his gaze fixed on the ceiling as if the answer was written somewhere in the shadows. When he finally spoke, his voice was low, almost resigned. "Things change. People change." "I know, I know." you replied, your fingers tracing the outline of his hand resting on your waist. "But I miss it. I miss us. The way we were before… everything."

GENRE: alternate universe - modern au!;

WARNING/S: angst, toxic romance, hurt/no comfort, cheating, unhappy marriage, crying, hurt, sadness, pain, character death, grief, unhappy ending, depictions of broken marriage, depiction of grief, depiction of cheating, depiction of death, depiction of loneliness, mention of grief, mention of misery, mention of loneliness, cheating husband! sukuna, long suffering wife! reader;

WORD COUNT: 10k words

NOTE: the thought bubble says 'things change, people change.'; the playlist for this chapter alone was just so angsty. like from i'm not the only one to glimpse of us, i really went through it writing this. i decided to write only one sad fic because i feel like putting out casual, together and thirty nine almost at the same time was just really criminal of me to do. so i hope you enjoy this, though!!! i love you all <3

masterlist

kayu's playlist - side 900;

if you want to, tip! <3

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ANOTHER HUFF RELEASES FROM YOUR MOUTH. You don’t remember how many you’ve smoked today. But you were sure that it was beyond one pack. This was the only time you could be alone, to think for yourself. To have control. The control you’ve been craving for years and years, one that you will never truly have again. You didn’t need someone to see you out here, to tell you no, to worry about your health. You didn’t need that. Not right now. You needed to be alone. You needed silence. 

You sat on the balcony of your lavish penthouse, gazing out at the shimmering lights of Tokyo. The city was alive, vibrant, a testament to the empire your husband, Ryomen Sukuna, had built. He was the man behind the biggest conglomerate in Japan—a titan in the world of business, feared and respected in equal measure. And you were his wife. 

Once upon a time, you had been someone too. A doctor with a promising career, surrounded by friends, fulfilled by the life you had created with your own hands. Your days were spent saving lives, making a difference, and your nights were filled with laughter and tenderness with colleagues who had become family. You were driven, passionate, and proud of the work you did. But now, as you sat in the lap of luxury, the woman you once were seemed like a distant memory.

Now, you were just his wife. 

It wasn’t that you didn’t love him—you did. You loved him more than words could express. Sukuna was everything to you, and being his wife brought a kind of happiness you hadn’t known was possible. Yet, there was a gnawing emptiness, a void that had grown over the years. As much as you loved him, as much as he adored you in his own way, you knew the truth.

Ryomen Sukuna was not a man who could be kept down, not even for you. He was a force of nature, unstoppable, always striving for more, always looking beyond what he already had. His ambition was a double-edged sword, driving him to unimaginable heights but also pushing him further away from the simple life you sometimes yearned for. 

There were nights when he didn’t come home, when he was out sealing deals or attending extravagant parties where you were merely an accessory. You’d watch him from a distance, surrounded by admirers, his presence commanding attention wherever he went. He thrived in that world of power and influence, and you knew that no matter how much he loved you, that world would always be his first love.

You tried to be content with the life you had with him. After all, you had everything most people could only dream of—wealth, status, and the affections of a man who could have had anyone but chose you. But deep down, you couldn’t shake the feeling that you had lost yourself in the process. You weren’t the doctor anymore, the woman with her own dreams and aspirations. You were simply Mrs. Ryomen Sukuna, a title that came with its own set of expectations and sacrifices.

As the night grew darker, you wondered what it would take to feel like yourself again. Could you ever reclaim the life you had before Sukuna, or had you given up too much to ever go back? And if you did, would you lose him in the process? It was a question that haunted you, even as you curled up in the luxurious sheets of your bed, waiting for him to return home. You loved him. But sometimes, love wasn’t enough.

Your husband was a man to love—eccentric and electric, a living embodiment of wonder wrapped in the form of a man. His presence was magnetic, a force that drew people in, leaving them captivated by his every word, his every move. Ryomen Sukuna was a personality larger than life, his energy palpable, his enigma undeniable. He filled every room he entered, his laughter loud and contagious, a stark contrast to his own brother, Jin, who was quiet, composed, and unassuming.

Where Jin blended into the background, Sukuna demanded attention. Everyone who met him felt the spark, the electricity that seemed to radiate from him. He was unpredictable, always a step ahead, always thinking of the next big thing. His mind worked in ways that left others in awe, trying to keep up with the whirlwind that was his thoughts and ideas. Loving him was like holding onto a storm—thrilling, dangerous, and consuming.

But for all his vibrance and charm, Sukuna was still a man of cold realities. His work came first, always. No matter how much you wanted to be his priority, the empire he built was what he poured most of his energy into. He was often distant, consumed by the responsibilities that came with being the man at the top. Days would pass where you barely saw him, where his presence in your life felt more like a memory than a reality.

Yet, when he did give you his time, it was genuine and honest. Those rare moments were when you saw the man beneath the mask, the one who cared for you in his own complicated way. His touch was real, his words sincere, and in those fleeting minutes, you felt the depth of his love, even if it was buried under layers of ambition and duty.

There were nights, though, when he would come to bed, slipping under the covers beside you, and in those moments, he was truly yours. Those were the times you held onto, the nights where the world outside his office door ceased to exist, where the only thing that mattered was the feel of his warmth next to you.

His arm around your waist, his breath on your neck—these were the small, intimate moments that made the loneliness bearable. In the quiet of the night, Sukuna would pull you close, and for those few hours, he was just a man who loved his wife, not the untouchable titan he had become during the day.

But as the dawn approached, you knew he would slip away again, back into the world that demanded so much of him. Those nights were a bittersweet reminder that while he was yours, you would never fully have him. Still, you cherished them, holding onto the hope that maybe one day, the man who captivated the world would find his way back to you, not just in the shadows of the night, but in the light of day as well.

If you tried slyly, you could sometimes extract details about his life—small, fragmented pieces of the puzzle that was Ryomen Sukuna. A hint here, a passing comment there. But even after so many years of marriage, he wouldn’t budge.

He was a vault, his thoughts locked away in a place you couldn’t reach, no matter how hard you tried. There were times you sat across from him, watching his expressions, hoping to catch a glimpse of what was going on behind those sharp eyes, but he was impenetrable. You didn’t know what he was thinking half the time. 

And as the years passed, you began to realize a painful truth: you didn’t know this man anymore. He wasn’t the man you fell in love with, the one who had promised you the world with that charming smile and infectious energy. That man was a memory, fading with every passing day. The man you were married to now was a stranger, someone who wore Sukuna’s face but carried a weight and distance that hadn’t been there before. He was no longer wholly yours, not anymore.

But when he was—on those rare occasions when he let you in, when the walls came down just enough for you to feel the warmth beneath his cold exterior—those moments were everything. His exterior remained hard, a shield against the world and perhaps even against you, but in the quiet darkness of your bedroom, he softened.

The bed you shared became a pure and sacred shrine, a place where the outside world couldn’t reach, where only you and he existed. In that space, the burdens he carried were set aside, and for a fleeting moment, he was just a man, your husband, the one who still held pieces of your heart.

The warmth of his body against yours, the way he would pull you close as if you were his anchor—these were the moments that reminded you of the love that still lingered between you. It was as if, in that bed, time stood still, and the distance that had grown between you disappeared, leaving only the two of you, as you once were.

And though those moments were few and far between, they were enough to keep you holding on, hoping that perhaps, one day, the man you fell in love with would return to you, not just in the night, but in every aspect of your life together.

You lay beside him in the dark, feeling the weight of the silence between you. His arm was draped over your waist, his grip firm but gentle. It was one of those rare nights when he was fully present, when the business world he ruled seemed to fade away, leaving just the two of you. You turned slightly, your face inches from his, searching his eyes for something—anything—that might bridge the gap that had grown between you.

"Sukuna." you whispered, your voice barely more than a breath. "Do you ever think about us? About how things used to be?"

He didn’t answer right away, his gaze fixed on the ceiling as if the answer was written somewhere in the shadows. When he finally spoke, his voice was low, almost resigned. "Things change. People change."

"I know, I know." you replied, your fingers tracing the outline of his hand resting on your waist. "But I miss it. I miss us. The way we were before… everything."

His eyes finally met yours, and for a moment, you saw something flicker there—regret, maybe, or a trace of the man you once knew. But it was gone as quickly as it appeared, replaced by that familiar unreadable expression.

"I’m still here. I always have been." he said, his tone matter-of-fact. "I never left. And you know that."

"Physically, yes, I know. But I just….It’s just." you murmured, a hint of bitterness creeping into your voice. "Sukuna, it’s like I don’t know you anymore. You’re not the man I married. You’re not the man who promised me the world. And I don’t know where he is. And I want him back.”

He didn’t flinch, but you felt the slight tension in his arm as he pulled you a little closer. "The world isn’t what it used to be. It won’t ever be what it was, you know that." he replied quietly. "And neither am I. And you know that too. But I’m still here. I’m still your husband.”

You sighed, feeling the tears prick at the corners of your eyes. "But when you’re here, like this… it’s different. For just a moment, it feels like nothing’s changed. Like it’s just you and me, the way it used to be. I wish we could stay here, like this, forever."

He didn’t respond right away, but you felt his grip on you tighten, his thumb brushing softly against your skin as if to reassure you. "This bed, our bed…." he said slowly, his voice rougher than usual, "it’s our sanctuary. It’s the one place I can forget about everything else. But you know I can’t stay here forever. Not when the world calls me, not when it needs me.”

"I know that." you whispered, your voice cracking slightly. You needed him too. You needed your husband. And he will never see it. Not even when he tries. "But I can’t help wishing you would. That maybe, just once, you’d choose me over everything else. Like you used to.”

He was silent for a long moment, his breath warm against your hair. When he finally spoke, there was a softness in his voice that you rarely heard. "If I could, I would. You’re the only thing that keeps me grounded, that reminds me I’m still human. But I can’t give you all of me. Not anymore. I have things to do too.”

You closed your eyes, letting the tears fall silently. "I just wish… I wish you’d let me in, Sukuna. I want to know what you’re thinking, what you’re feeling. I want to know the man I’m sharing this bed with."

He didn’t answer right away, and you knew he wouldn’t. Instead, he pulled you closer, his lips brushing against your forehead in a rare, tender gesture. "I’m here now, you know?" he whispered. "Let’s just… stay in this moment, just for tonight."

You nodded, unable to find the words to say anything more. You clung to him, holding onto the warmth of his body, the rare softness of his embrace, knowing that when morning came, he would be gone again—pulled back into the world that demanded so much of him. But for now, you had this, and it would have to be enough.

It sounds more romantic than it actually is in reality. What you shared with Sukuna was far from the idyllic love story others might imagine. It was a volatile existence, a solitary one. A lonely existence. There were no whispered secrets in the dark, no playful banter or stolen glances across the room. There were no soft gazes filled with unspoken affection, no tender moments that lingered long after they ended. With Sukuna, you got the raw, unfiltered version of him—a man stripped of any pretense or facade.

Sukuna was not a man of many words, and that held true even during the most intimate moments between you. He was silent, his focus intense, his mind seemingly elsewhere even as he was with you. There were no sweet nothings exchanged, no promises of forever whispered into your ear. He was a man of action, not words, and even less so when you were in bed together.

Yet, despite the lack of verbal communication, there was one thing he always maintained—eye contact. His gaze never wavered, never strayed from yours, and in those moments, you saw something in his eyes that you rarely saw anywhere else. His eyes were earnest, and that sincerity was the closest thing to vulnerability he ever allowed himself to show. It was as if, in those brief moments of connection, he was telling you without words what he couldn’t bring himself to say aloud.

But even that small comfort was fleeting, a temporary solace in a relationship that often felt more like a battle than a partnership. You loved him, but it was a love laced with pain and longing, a love that left you feeling more alone than ever. Because while his eyes might have been honest, they also held a distance that you couldn’t bridge, a reminder that even in his most vulnerable moments, Sukuna was still just out of reach.

So you took what you could get—the warmth of his body against yours, the rare tenderness in his gaze—and tried to ignore the aching loneliness that gnawed at you in the silence that followed. Because at the end of the day, you knew that this was the only version of Sukuna you would ever truly have. And for better or worse, you had to make peace with that.

You lay there in the quiet aftermath, your body still humming from the intensity of it all. But as the warmth began to fade, reality seeped back in. The silence between you was heavy, filled with all the things left unsaid. There was no gentle touch, no soft embrace to pull you closer. Sukuna remained beside you, but there was a distance, an unspoken barrier that kept you apart even when you were lying inches away from each other.

This was your life—a series of fleeting connections punctuated by long stretches of solitude. You had learned to navigate this existence, to find comfort in the small moments, even if they were far from the grand romance you had once imagined. But it was a lonely existence, one that often left you feeling hollow, as if a piece of you had been carved out and left behind somewhere along the way.

There was no pillow talk with Sukuna, no lingering in the soft afterglow. Not like it used to be, when you greeted the morning light talking and talking. The man beside you was not one for such things. He was not the type to reach out and hold you close, to whisper sweet reassurances that everything would be okay. He simply wasn’t built that way, and you had long since stopped expecting him to be.

Instead, there was just the raw version of him—the man who was silent in his love, who showed it in ways that were hard to decipher, in ways that often left you questioning if it was there at all. His love wasn’t gentle or easy; it was fierce, consuming, and at times, almost indifferent. But it was there, hidden beneath layers of responsibility, power, and the iron will that had made him who he was.

Sukuna’s eyes were the only place where you could see that truth, where you could catch a glimpse of the man beneath the exterior. Even during sex, when his body was moving against yours with a deliberate intensity, his eyes stayed locked on yours, never wavering.

There was something disarming in that gaze, something that spoke of an honesty he couldn’t express any other way. It was in those moments, brief as they were, that you felt a connection, a thread of intimacy that tied you to him, even if it was fragile and frayed.

But as much as you clung to those moments, they were never enough to fill the void. The bed, which had once felt like a sanctuary, now seemed more like a cold, empty place where two strangers shared space but not lives. You would turn to face him, hoping for something—a word, a touch, anything to bridge the gap—but he remained still, his mind already miles away, lost in thoughts you could never reach.

And so you would close your eyes, trying to hold onto the fleeting warmth of his body next to yours, trying to convince yourself that this was enough, that you could live with the silence, the loneliness, the distance. Because at the end of the day, he was still the man you loved, the man who had once promised you the world.

But that promise had faded, just like the warmth that now ebbed away in the cold, empty silence of the room. And as much as it hurt, you knew that this was all there would ever be—a man you could never fully have, a love that was always just out of reach, and a life lived in the spaces between what was and what could have been.

You cry a lot about how life has let you suffer this way. The tears come in waves, usually in the quiet hours of the night when the weight of it all feels too heavy to bear. You cry for the life you thought you would have, for the love that feels like it's slipping through your fingers, for the man who promised you everything but gave you only fragments. The pain of it all has become a constant companion, a dull ache that lingers even in your happiest moments, because you know, deep down, that things will never be what you once dreamed they could be.

You knew about the women. You’ve always known. The whispers that reached your ears, the subtle changes in his demeanor, the way he would smell of a perfume that wasn’t yours. You knew about the women he took to hotels, the ones he wined and dined in the finest restaurants, the ones he spoiled with gifts and attention that you used to believe were reserved for you alone. You knew about the strip clubs, the fleeting kisses at bars, the meaningless trysts that filled the void you couldn’t seem to reach.

But knowing and seeing were two different things.

The image before you feels like a knife to the gut, twisting with a cruel precision. She’s beautiful, laughing at something Sukuna has whispered into her ear. They’re sitting too close, his hand resting on her thigh as though it belongs there.

His expression is relaxed, the mask he wears with you completely gone. This is who he really is, you think to yourself. You could feel this bitter realization curling in your chest. You feel like you were going to be sick.

For a moment, your legs threaten to give way beneath you. The restaurant is dimly lit, the low hum of conversation and clinking silverware suddenly drowned out by the rush of blood in your ears. You’ve been here before. It’s one of his favorites—one you thought was yours too, where he used to look at you with that same easy smile.

Your heart hammers against your ribs, urging you to flee, to turn away before the pain can deepen. You take a step back, and then another, the darkness of the entrance swallowing you whole as you move further from the scene. It’s as if you’re in a dream, your body moving on autopilot, one step after another, until you’re out on the street, the cool night air hitting your skin like a jolt.

You keep walking, eyes unfocused, the city lights blurring into a haze of colors. The truth is, you don’t know where you’re going. All you know is that you can’t stop moving. Because if you stop, if you allow yourself to think, to feel, the walls you’ve built around your heart will collapse, and you’ll be left with nothing but the agony of what you’ve lost. Or perhaps, of what you never truly had.

You knew everything. And yet, you pretended as always, especially when he came home. Because he always did. No matter how many nights he spent in the arms of someone else, no matter how many times he broke your heart with his affairs, he always came home to you. And you clung to that, as painful as it was, because it was the one thing you had left—the knowledge that, for whatever reason, he chose to come back to you.

You knew everything. And yet, you pretended as always, especially when he came home. Because he always did. No matter how many nights he spent in the arms of someone else, no matter how many times he broke your heart with his affairs, he always came home to you.

And you pathetically clung to that, as painful as it was, because it was the one thing you had left—the knowledge that, for whatever reason, he chose to come back to you. That he'll always choose to come back to you. And only you.

The sound of his key turning in the lock was your cue to slip the mask into place, smoothing out the cracks in your facade. You could hear the soft rustle of his coat as he shrugged it off, the faint smell of that foreign perfume clinging to the air. It was like a slap in the face, but you swallowed the bitterness down, forcing yourself to stay calm.

“Hey.” he called out, his voice casual, as though nothing were amiss. As though he hadn’t just spent hours with someone else.

“Hey.” you replied, keeping your tone light, as if you hadn’t been waiting in silence, wondering who he was with, what she looked like, if she made him laugh the way you used to.

He stepped into the room, his gaze brushing over you, taking in the sight of you curled up on the couch with a book in your hands. It was a scene of domestic tranquility, one you’d perfected over the years. You’d become a master at hiding the turmoil beneath the surface, at pretending that everything was fine.

“How was your night?” you asked, the words slipping out easily, as if they weren’t laced with the weight of unspoken truths.

“Busy.” he replied, moving toward you. He leaned down, pressing a kiss to the top of your head, and for a moment, you allowed yourself to lean into him, to savor the warmth of his presence. This was the part you held onto—the part where he came home, where he chose you, if only for a few fleeting hours. “Did a lot of meetings. It was dull. Like always.”

But even as he pulled away and headed to the bedroom, you couldn’t help but feel the coldness seep back in, the emptiness that settled in the pit of your stomach. You knew he’d be gone again tomorrow, off to chase whatever thrill he found in the arms of someone else. 

Still, you clung to that tiny thread of hope, the one that told you he would return. Because as long as he came home, as long as he kept choosing you, there was a part of you that could pretend—pretend that it was enough, that you were enough. You knew that you were tearing yourself apart. Apart from this man. But you were stuck. You didn’t know how to get out. Not when you can’t bear separation.

It was a cruel cycle, one that left you feeling shattered and hollow, but one you couldn’t break free from. You pretended because it was easier than confronting the truth, easier than acknowledging that the man you loved was also the man who was tearing you apart. You pretended because you wanted to believe that, despite everything, there was still something left between you, something worth holding on to.

Because as much as he hurt you, as much as he used other women to fill whatever void he was running from, you knew one thing with absolute certainty: he loved you. He might have been distant, cold, and unfaithful, but that love was there, buried beneath the layers of deceit and betrayal. It was a twisted, painful love, one that hurt more than it healed, but it was real. And that’s what made it so hard to walk away.

He loved you, and it hurt you. It hurt because that love wasn’t enough to stop him from seeking out others, from indulging in pleasures that had nothing to do with you. It hurt because that love didn’t protect you from the heartache, didn’t shield you from the loneliness that came from sharing a bed with someone who was only half there.

But it was love nonetheless, a sick, unadulterated, gut-wrenching love you can never truly escape even if you wanted to. and you clung to it with everything you had, because without it, you weren’t sure who you would be anymore.

So you cried, and you pretended, and you waited for him to finish his shower, knowing that when he did, you would smile, you would act as if nothing was wrong, as if your heart wasn’t breaking a little more each day. Because you loved him, too, and that love was the only thing holding you together, even as it threatened to tear you apart.

The stairs creaked with every step, and you quickly wiped the tears from your cheeks, forcing yourself to take a deep breath. You knew the routine by now—how to mask the pain, how to put on a smile that didn’t quite reach your eyes. The sound of his footsteps echoed through the steps, and you braced yourself, slipping into the role you had perfected over the years. He’d gotten out of the shower and dressed.

Sukuna walked back into the living room, his presence filling the space like a storm cloud. He glanced at you briefly, his expression unreadable as he walked in front of you. You could still smell the faint scent of a perfume that wasn’t yours, the remnants of a night you knew all too well. It was as if he was mocking you. It was as if he wanted you to know.�� But you didn’t say anything. You never did.

“Did you have dinner yet?” you ask him, your voice steady despite the tightness in your chest. “There’s still some soba I made for dinner.”

He hums in response, reaching for your hand, his touch warm but somehow distant. “Maybe later, I’ll heat it up myself. Let me stay here with you for a bit.”

You nod, pretending to be satisfied with his answer, even though you know it’s a lie. “Okay, that’s fine.”

You make some space for him to sit beside you, but instead, he lowers his head onto your lap, his body stretching out along the couch. The gesture is familiar, almost comforting, but tonight, it feels like a weight pressing down on your chest. You feel the bile rise in your throat as he closes his eyes, humming softly to himself, as if this moment is as peaceful for him as it is tormenting for you.

You force your fingers to move, to edge along the tips of his fuchsia-colored hair, the strands soft beneath your touch. The motion is automatic, a habit born from nights like these, where you pretended that everything was still okay. But as you purse your lips into a tight line, trying to keep your composure, you feel the tears threatening to spill over, the pain clawing at the walls you’ve built around your heart.

Not now, you tell yourself. Not now. You can’t break, not here, not while he’s with you.

You swallow hard, pushing down the surge of emotions that threaten to rise to the surface, and speak in a voice you barely recognize as your own. “You worked hard.”

He opens his eyes, his gaze meeting yours in the dim light of the room. “So did you.” he whispers, his tone soft, almost tender.

His words, if they were meant to comfort you, only deepen the ache inside you. You bite down on the inside of your cheek, forcing a small, hollow smile as you continue to stroke his hair. Because that’s all you can do—pretend that this moment is enough, that his presence here is enough to make up for all the nights he’s been away, all the lies you’ve told yourself just to keep going.

He closes his eyes again, sighing softly, and you watch him, your fingers never faltering in their gentle rhythm. And as you sit there, with his head in your lap and the soba cooling on the kitchen counter, you realize that this is what you’ve become—someone who is willing to live in the spaces he leaves behind, someone who clings to the small moments he offers, even when they’re built on a foundation of lies.

“I missed you, Sukuna.” you whispered, your voice trembling despite your best efforts to keep it steady.

“I know.” he replied to you, in a tone that knows. A tone that reveals it all. He knew that you know, you weren’t a fool. You were too smart for it. And yet, here you are. With him, his lying, selfish self, loved by you. “I’m here now.”

You nodded, knowing that was the most you would get from him. “I’m glad you’re home.”

He didn’t respond, but you could feel the tension in his body slowly easing, his breathing becoming more relaxed. You knew this was as close as he would come to letting you in, and you tried to take comfort in it, even though it wasn’t enough.

You lay there in silence, your hand still resting on his chest, listening to the rhythmic sound of his breathing. You wanted to say more, to tell him how much it hurt, how much you wished things could be different. But you knew it wouldn’t change anything. He would always come home, but he would never truly be yours.

So you stayed quiet, pretending for him, for yourself, for the fragile love that still tied you to him, even as it slowly unraveled. You pretended that this was enough, that the fleeting moments of closeness were worth the nights spent alone, the tears shed in silence, the knowledge that he would never be wholly yours.

And in the dark, as you lay beside him, you let yourself believe the lie, if only for a little while. Because sometimes, pretending was the only thing that kept you going.

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EVERYTHING CHANGED WHEN YOU HEARD THOSE WORDS. The doctor's words echoed in your mind as you drove home, your knuckles white from gripping the steering wheel. "A few months, at most," he'd said, and you'd nodded, thanked him even, before walking out of the clinic in a daze. The sky outside seemed unchanged, the world continuing its indifferent spin, while inside you, something had irrevocably shifted.

When you finally made it home, you sat down, the weight of everything settling onto your shoulders like a heavy blanket. The familiar surroundings seemed distant, like you were seeing them through a fog. The elegant decor, the soft lighting—everything was perfect, just as it always was, but it felt like a set piece now, like something you were watching from afar.

You tried to think of what you should do next, what anyone would do with such news. Should you cry? Scream? But nothing came. Instead, a strange sense of calm washed over you, like the stillness after a storm. Maybe this was it—God's way of freeing you from this misery, this life you’d never truly lived.

A miserable existence, that’s what it was. A life spent in the shadow of Ryomen Sukuna, the man who was everything to everyone, and nothing to you. The man who had captured your heart and soul, only to lock them away somewhere deep inside, where they withered, starved of the love you so desperately needed. You’d given everything to be his wife, to play the part in the perfect narrative he’d constructed, and in the process, you’d lost yourself.

The relief that bubbled up inside you was unexpected, but undeniable. You wouldn’t have to suffer much longer. No more pretending, no more aching for a love that would never be yours. No more nights spent staring at the ceiling, wondering why you weren’t enough. Soon, it would all be over. You wouldn’t have to endure this life, this love, for much longer.

You decided then and there—you wouldn’t tell him. What would be the point? He was a man consumed by his empire, by his power, and you were just another piece of his world, another part of his success. Telling him would only disrupt the perfect narrative he had written for himself, and you couldn’t bear to see the indifference in his eyes when he realized that your story was ending.

No, you would continue to be his wife. You would play your part until the very end, letting yourself fade quietly from the narrative, just as you had faded from his heart. And maybe, when it was all over, when you were gone, he might feel something—a twinge of regret, perhaps. But that didn’t matter. Not anymore.

In the stillness of your home, a peculiar sense of peace enveloped you. The silence was heavy, but it was a silence of your own making, one that spoke of an end and a release. You had loved Sukuna with a depth that was both profound and consuming. Your love for him was a force that had shaped your days and your nights, driving you to care for him in ways that went unnoticed and unappreciated. 

But as you faced the reality of your impending departure, a bittersweet calm settled over you. The weight of your unrequited love, the fatigue of constantly giving without receiving, was finally lifting. You had poured your heart into a relationship where your love was met with indifference and infidelity. You had tried to make him see, tried to make him understand, but in the end, the love you gave was never truly reciprocated in the way you had hoped.

Now, as the days dwindle and the finality of your situation becomes undeniable, you found a strange comfort in knowing that the end was near. The thought of liberation from a love that had only ever been one-sided was both heart-wrenching and soothing. You were tired of the endless cycle of giving and waiting, of hoping for something that would never come. And in the quiet of your home, you felt a sense of relief at the prospect of being free from this endless cycle of emotional exhaustion.

That night, when Sukuna returned home, you greeted him with a facade of normalcy. Despite the heavy burden of your knowledge, you smiled at him with a warmth that belied your inner turmoil. You continued to dote on him, serving him his favorite dishes with the same loving care you always had. Every gesture, every touch, every look was a continuation of the role you had played for so long.

You carried on as if nothing had changed, maintaining the pretense of a happy, loving wife. Your actions were deliberate, a final testament to the depth of your love and the extent of your sacrifice. You wanted to give him one last glimpse of the love he had taken for granted, to remind him of what he would be losing, even if he would never fully grasp it until it was too late.

You went through the motions of daily life, engaging with him, listening to his stories, laughing at his jokes. The facade was not just for him, but for yourself as well—a way to preserve a semblance of normalcy amidst the chaos of your emotions. You wanted to leave him with the memory of a wife who had loved him deeply, who had cared for him until the very end, despite everything.

In the quiet moments alone, after he had gone to bed, you would sit in the darkness, feeling the weight of your impending departure. You would reflect on the years you had spent loving him, on the moments of joy and sorrow that had shaped your relationship. And as you faced the end, you found a strange sort of solace in knowing that you would finally be free from the constraints of a love that had never truly been mutual.

The peace you felt was not without pain, but it was a relief nonetheless. You had loved Sukuna with all that you were, and now, as you prepared to leave, you took comfort in the knowledge that you would soon be free from the sadness and longing that had defined your existence.

Sukuna looked up from his plate, his gaze lingering on you with a mixture of curiosity and concern. He could see a flicker of something in your eyes that he hadn’t seen in a long time.

“You seem... unusually happy tonight,” he said, his voice carrying a hint of both surprise and suspicion. “Is something going on?”

You met his gaze, a faint smile on your lips that didn’t quite reach your eyes. “It’s been a long time since we had a dinner like this, just the two of us.”

Sukuna’s brow furrowed as he studied you. “Yeah, it has. We’ve been so wrapped up in our own worlds that it’s easy to forget what it was like before everything got so complicated.”

You nodded, your fingers nervously twisting the edge of your napkin. “I’ve missed this—being with you like this, without all the distractions and complications. It feels like a rare moment of normalcy in the chaos.”

Sukuna’s expression softened, but there was an edge of concern in his eyes. “You seem more at peace than usual. Is everything okay? You’ve been acting... different lately.”

You hesitated, the weight of your secret pressing down on you. “I’ve just been reflecting on things. It’s strange how time changes everything, how we lose sight of what really matters until it’s almost too late.”

Sukuna’s gaze grew more intense, his unease palpable. “Reflecting on what? You’ve been acting like there’s something you’re not telling me.”

You took a deep breath, forcing yourself to keep your voice steady. “It’s just... I’ve been thinking about how we’ve lost touch with each other. How we’ve let life get in the way of what really matters.”

Sukuna’s eyes searched for yours, trying to grasp the depth of your words. “Are you saying there’s something wrong? Something you’re not telling me?”

You looked away, your smile faltering. “It’s not about something wrong. It’s about realizing that sometimes, we need to appreciate the moments we have, even if they’re fleeting.”

Sukuna’s confusion deepened, his concern growing. “You’re scaring me. Why are you talking like this? What’s going on?”

You forced yourself to meet his gaze, your heart aching with the weight of the truth you couldn’t reveal. “I’ve just been feeling... reflective. It’s hard to explain, but I’m grateful for these moments, even if they’re all we have left.”

Sukuna reached out, his hand gently grasping yours. “Are you trying to tell me something? You’re acting like this is a goodbye.”

You pulled your hand away, the pain in your chest almost unbearable. “It’s not a goodbye. It’s just... a realization. I want to make the most of the time we have, to cherish these moments together.”

Sukuna’s face fell, his worry evident. “You’re making it sound like something terrible is happening. If there’s something you’re hiding, you need to tell me.”

You shook your head, forcing yourself to smile through the tears that threatened to spill. “It’s not about hiding anything. It’s about acknowledging that even when things are difficult, we can still find moments of happiness. I wanted tonight to be one of those moments.”

Sukuna looked at you with a mixture of sadness and confusion, his frustration clear. “You’re not making any sense. Why can’t you just tell me what’s going on?”

You stood up from the table, unable to bear the intensity of his gaze any longer. You smiled at him. And even at that moment, he noticed. He noticed it didn’t go up to your eyes. “I can’t. Not yet. I just needed you to understand that despite everything, I’ve always cherished our time together.”

Sukuna watched you with a heart heavy with concern and regret, as you walked away from the table. "Do you still want some wine?"

"No." Sukuna whispers under his breath. "I'm fine."

⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘

YOU WERE GOOD AT PLAYING ROLES. Sukuna didn't suspect a thing. You continued playing your part, showing up at events, smiling when required, and being the perfect wife that the world expected you to be. He remained oblivious, too wrapped up in his own world to notice the subtle changes—the way your laughter had lost its warmth, the way your eyes seemed distant, even when you looked directly at him.

He carried on with his life, his empire growing ever larger, his influence spreading like wildfire. And on the side, there was her—the woman he met in secret, the one who made him feel alive in ways that you no longer could. He didn’t care to hide it anymore, not really. He knew you knew, but in his mind, it didn’t matter. You were his wife, his possession, and that was enough.

The restaurant was bathed in a warm, subdued light, its cozy ambiance a stark contrast to the storm brewing in Sukuna's heart. He sat across from his date, his smirk easy, a deliberate mask concealing the turbulent emotions beneath. His eyes roamed lazily over the flickering candlelight, his drink half-empty, the conversation flowing smoothly. It was supposed to be an escape, a fleeting distraction from the complexities of his life.

The phone buzzed on the table, its vibration slightly jarring against the relaxed hum of the evening. Sukuna glanced at it, a shadow of irritation crossing his features. He almost ignored it, but a nagging instinct—something primal and insistent—prompted him to check. The screen lit up with an urgent message, and as he read the words, his smirk faltered, replaced by a sudden, unsettling pallor.

His hand trembled slightly as he answered the call that followed.

“Mr. Sukuna, I’m terribly sorry to interrupt your evening. There’s been an emergency. Your wife—she’s collapsed and has been rushed to the hospital. The situation is very serious. You need to come immediately.”

Sukuna’s mind reeled, struggling to process the gravity of the message. His heart pounded furiously in his chest, a cacophony of fear and disbelief.  “What? No, that can’t be right. Are you sure? What happened?” His usual bravado turned into worrisome, strained whispers. “My wife was healthy when I left her at home.”

“Yes, I’m certain. She was rushed in a couple of minutes ago. The doctors are doing everything they can, but it’s critical. Please come to the hospital right away.”

The call ended abruptly, leaving Sukuna staring blankly at his phone. The realization of what he had just heard began to sink in, each beat of his heart echoing with a growing dread. Without a word, he stood up abruptly, his chair scraping loudly against the floor.

“Suku? What’s going on? Where are you going?” Her face is a mask of confusion and concern. “Suku–”

 “I—I have to go. It’s an emergency.” His voice barely more than a whisper, laden with panic.

He didn’t wait for any further questions or explanations. His mind was a chaotic whirl of thoughts as he left the restaurant, the cool night air doing little to calm the storm inside him. The drive to the hospital was a blur, the city lights streaking by in a disorienting haze. Every turn, every red light seemed to stretch time, amplifying his growing sense of dread.

Inside the emergency room, the atmosphere was clinical and cold, a stark contrast to the warmth of the evening he had just left behind. The cacophony of beeping monitors and hurried voices created a symphony of chaos that matched his inner turmoil. He pushed past the reception desk, barely acknowledging the questions they asked him. All he could think about was reaching you, seeing you, and holding onto whatever fragments of hope remained.

“Sir, you need to wait here. We’re in the middle of an emergency procedure.” The nurse said firmly, as Sukuna tried to approach.

Sukuna’s eyes fixed on the form lying still on the gurney, a sight that twisted his insides with a profound ache. The resuscitation efforts were intense, a desperate dance between life and death. He felt a profound sense of helplessness, the cold efficiency of the medical staff contrasting sharply with his own emotional chaos.

 “Please, I need to be with her. I have to—” His voice breaking, a raw plea. “Please let me through—”

“Sir, we need to focus on the procedure. You can’t be in the way.”

Sukuna was forced to retreat, his heart sinking as he slumped against the wall, his fists clenched in frustration and fear. The minutes dragged on, each second feeling like an eternity. He stared at the closed doors of the emergency room, the gnawing fear that he might lose you forever consuming him.

In the cold, stark hallway of the hospital, Sukuna felt his world unraveling. The veneer of control and dominance he had always relied on was gone, replaced by a gut-wrenching vulnerability he had never before experienced. He was left alone with his thoughts, confronting the painful truth that he had been given a chance to face his own failures and regrets.

Everything they could, they tried—but it wasn’t enough. He could see it in their eyes, in the frantic movements that were becoming more desperate by the second. He shouted at them, his voice rising to a roar, demanding they do something, anything. He wasn’t used to feeling powerless, wasn’t used to being afraid. But in that moment, as he watched you lying there, unmoving, unresponsive, fear gripped him in a way it never had before.

He couldn’t lose you. Not like this. Not now, not when he’d taken you for granted for so long. The realization hit him like a punch to the gut. You had always been there, always been his, and he’d never truly appreciated it. And now, as he watched the life drain from you, he felt something he hadn’t felt in a long time—genuine, bone-deep terror.

When the nurses finally stopped, when they turned to him with those solemn expressions, he knew. They didn’t have to say a word. He pushed past them anyway, falling to his knees beside your bed, his hand grasping yours, still warm but lifeless. You were slipping through his fingers. He didn’t want to free you — not yet. He needs you. He still wants you.

“Don’t do this, not yet.” he whispered, his voice breaking, something it never did. “You can’t leave me. You don’t get to leave me.”

But you were already gone. The silence in the room was deafening, and for the first time in his life, Ryomen Sukuna felt utterly and completely helpless. 

Sukuna stayed by your side long after the nurses and doctors left the room, long after the machines were turned off, and the sterile, mechanical sounds faded into an unbearable silence. He gripped your hand tightly, as if somehow, by sheer force of will, he could pull you back from the brink, undo what had just happened. But the truth was inescapable—you were gone.

The world outside continued to turn, indifferent to the agony that churned inside him. Sukuna, the man who had always been in control, who had never feared anything or anyone, was now paralyzed by a fear so intense it consumed him. He had never imagined a moment like this, a moment where he would lose something so irreplaceable.

Memories flashed through his mind—moments he had dismissed, overlooked, or taken for granted. The way you would smile at him when he came home, the quiet dinners you shared, the way you had always been there, even when he hadn’t deserved it. He had grown so used to your presence that he never considered what it would be like without you.

He had thought he could live his life as he pleased, that you would always be there, in the background, silently enduring whatever he put you through. But now, with you gone, the enormity of his loss hit him with full force. It wasn’t just that you were gone—it was that you were gone because of him. He had driven you to this, with his neglect, his infidelity, his arrogance.

His chest tightened, and for the first time in years, Sukuna felt the sting of tears. He couldn’t remember the last time he had cried—if he ever had. But now, the tears came unbidden, a raw and overwhelming response to the pain that was tearing him apart. He had lost you, and it was his fault. There was no one else to blame, no way to undo what he had done.

He thought about all the things he would never get to say to you, all the apologies that would never leave his lips. He had always believed he had time—time to make things right, time to explain, time to finally show you that you mattered to him. But now, that time was gone, and with it, any chance of redemption.

Sukuna stayed there, holding your hand, until the nurses gently told him that he had to let go, that it was time to say goodbye. He didn’t want to—he wasn’t ready to. But he knew there was no choice. Slowly, reluctantly, he released your hand, feeling a cold emptiness settle into the space where you had once been.

As he walked out of the hospital, the reality of his life without you began to sink in. The thought of returning to his grand, empty house—one that had always been a symbol of his success, his power—now felt like walking into a tomb. You were no longer there to greet him, no longer there to fill the space with your presence.

And for the first time, Sukuna understood what it meant to be truly alone. All the wealth, the power, the women—none of it mattered anymore. The one thing that had truly mattered was gone, and he was left with nothing but the echo of his own regrets.

As he stepped into his car, the weight of your absence pressed down on him, suffocating in its intensity. He had never been afraid of anything before. But now, as he faced a future without you, he was terrified.

Sukuna sat in the driver’s seat of his car, the door still open as if he might somehow find the strength to run back into the hospital and reverse what had happened. His hands gripped the steering wheel tightly, knuckles white, and the first sob broke through his defenses, ragged and harsh. He slammed his fists against the wheel, the sound echoing in the empty garage, the pain in his chest mirroring the bruising force of his punches.

Each hit was a release, a desperate attempt to rid himself of the unbearable grief and regret that had settled over him like a heavy fog. Tears streamed down his face, blurring his vision, and he felt a profound sense of helplessness that he had never known. He had always been in control, always been the one to dictate terms, to manipulate situations to his favor. But now, as he sat there, he was powerless, unable to change anything, unable to bring you back.

In the midst of his torment, memories began to flood back—painful, vivid recollections that he had buried under layers of indifference and self-absorption. He remembered the way you would spend hours in the kitchen, cooking meals with a dedication that went beyond mere obligation. You had always taken care of him, preparing dishes that you knew he loved, ensuring the fridge was stocked with his favorite foods.

He could picture you now, in the kitchen of your shared home, chopping vegetables, stirring pots, your face focused and serene. The way you’d hum softly to yourself, the warmth of the kitchen contrasting with the coldness that seemed to have crept into his heart over the years. Every meal you made was a labor of love, a testament to the care and consideration you had for him, even when he had taken it all for granted.

And then there were the times you’d prepare extra food, stock the fridge with ready-made meals, knowing that his schedule was unpredictable, that he might be too busy to eat properly. You’d filled the refrigerator with care, making sure he would have something to sustain him, even when you couldn’t be there. 

He should have noticed the subtle changes in your routine. The house had been unusually pristine lately, the surfaces spotless, the floors immaculate. It wasn’t like you to maintain such a high level of cleanliness without a reason. It was as if you had been preparing the space, ensuring that everything was in perfect order, as if you were orchestrating a smooth transition for him, even after you were gone.

The closets were tidier than usual, the clothes organized and neatly hung. He realized now that you had cleaned out your own belongings with quiet efficiency, not because you were preparing to leave in the conventional sense, but because you wanted to spare him the burden. You had sorted through your things, reducing the mess he would have to deal with, thinking ahead so that your death wouldn’t leave him grappling with the physical remnants of your life.

The laundry was always done, the baskets emptied and folded with a care that went beyond routine. You had taken care of it all, ensuring that he wouldn’t be confronted with chores and tasks that might remind him of the void you were leaving behind. The house had been more than just clean—it had been meticulously arranged to make his life easier, to ensure that the practicalities of your absence wouldn’t add to his grief.

In the midst of his grief, the realization struck him with the force of a revelation. You had been planning for this moment all along, your every action a carefully orchestrated preparation for the inevitable. You had thought of everything—how the house should be, how his daily life should continue without disruption, how he might cope with the void you would leave behind.

And yet, despite all your foresight, he had been so absorbed in his own world, so blind to your quiet efforts, that he hadn’t seen what you were doing. He had been wrapped up in his own needs, his own desires, oblivious to the depth of your sacrifice.

Now, as he sat there in the car, the weight of his regret felt almost unbearable. You had given him a gift of love so profound, so selfless, and he had only realized it in the harshest of moments. He had been given a chance to appreciate you, to see how deeply you cared, but it had come too late.

The house was prepared, the chores managed, the meals cooked—all to make sure that your departure wouldn’t add to his burden. And all he could do now was mourn the loss of someone who had loved him so completely, while he had remained unaware of the full extent of their care.

The realization hit him with a crushing weight. You had been preparing him—preparing him for a future without you. You had known, on some level, that your time was limited, and you had tried to make things easier for him, to ensure he wouldn’t be left entirely lost when you were gone. You had left behind a legacy of care and love, even in your absence.

The tears flowed more freely now, each one a testament to the depth of his regret. The sight of the empty kitchen at home, the pristine rows of shelves, the meticulously arranged pantry—all these things that once seemed so ordinary now felt like a poignant reminder of the love he had squandered. You had been his rock, his constant, and he had never truly valued it until it was too late.

Sukuna’s sobs grew louder, more desperate, his grief palpable in the confined space of the car. He felt as if he were drowning in a sea of his own making, surrounded by the memories of what he had lost and the realization of how profoundly he had failed you. The realization of your love, the sacrifices you had made, and the undeniable truth that he had only seen it all now, when it was too late, was a torment unlike anything he had ever known.

He sank forward, resting his head on the steering wheel, letting the tears fall harder than before, his body shaking with the intensity of his emotions. He wished he could turn back time, could undo the mistakes he had made, could tell you how much you meant to him. But all he was left with was the crushing weight of his actions, the echoes of your love, and the empty space where you once were.

[sunarots]

so high school ━━━ atsumu miya

pairing. atsumu miya x fem!reader

summary. after your best friend reveals he’s moving out of your shared flat, you’re presented with a tough choice: let one of the creeps who are begging you to let them move in with you, or find a cheaper flat in another area of town. a do-over couldn’t have come at a better time for you, but your only option for a place to stay is with someone your best friend knew from high school, and his two teammates.

tags & warnings. new girl au, fake dating. strong language, discussions of sex, alcohol use, die/kys/kms jokes, mental health issues & discussions, innuendos, ooc.

taglist. open! send an ask to be added <3

status. completed!

additional. any images i use for the character of y/n is only intended as a reference and not to imply that is what you look like. i am going to try my best to use diverse images for these references, however it may not always be possible. that being said, i do not own any reference images other than the general social media images.

y/n’s long-distance therapists || atsumu’s enemies

♡ = contains written portion || dark mode = atsumu’s pov

chapter one. the rich and famous bokuto

chapter two. darlin

chapter three. cocky ♡

chapter four. hate crimes?

chaoter five. onigiri

chapter six. yassified

chapter seven. a real job

chapter eight. fake af

chapter nine. practice ♡

chapter ten. darlin’ ♡

chapter eleven. fangirls

chapter twelve. damage control

chapter thirteen. so…

chapter fourteen. hard launch

chapter fifteen. actually toxic

chapter sixteen. pretend ♡

chapter seventeen. limits

chapter eighteen. the best

chapter nineteen. always.

chapter twenty. movie nights

chapter twenty-one. michael jackson

chapter twenty-two. career change

chapter twenty-three. first day ♡

chapter twenty-four. dinner date ♡

chapter twenty-five. the good old days

chapter twenty-six. on probation

chapter twenty-seven. chatty…

chapter twenty-eight. stealing from the poor

chapter twenty-nine. surprise! ♡

chapter thirty. haters gonna hate

chapter thirty-one. scary

chapter thirty-two. game, start!

chapter thirty-three. he said what?

chapter thirty-four. no pressure ♡

chapter thirty-five. we’re getting the band back together!

chapter thirty-six. evil bitch

chapter thirty-seven. aftermath ♡

chapter thirty-eight. explanation

chapter thirty-nine. petty ♡

chapter forty. 5 YEARS LATER

[kamiversee]

➶-͙˚ ༘✶ 𝙏𝙃𝙀 𝙁*𝘾𝙆 𝙇𝙄𝙎𝙏

✧.* CHAPTER 55 || The Filth

[ { SYPNOSIS } ] ➤ A tale in which Gojo Satoru blackmails you into seducing a list of people to clear his debt. Sounds easy enough, right?

[ { CHAPTER CONTENT } ] ➤ just... just filthy smut okay.

[ { A/N } ] ➤ Another chapter written as I was in heat btw. ;)

[ { WORD COUNT } ] ➤ 6.7k

[ { PAIRINGS } ] ➤ jjk men x f!reader. gojo x f!reader. geto x f!reader. toji x f!reader. choso x f!reader. sukuna x f!reader. nanami x f!reader.

[ [ chapters mlist } ]

——AND ALTHOUGH CHOSO’S PERFECT for you, after about a week of dating, you’re ninety-nine percent sure he-, your boyfriend has a damn switch inside him. Something in him would just shift into this man whose mouth became so damn filthy with you.

Was it bad that you enjoyed it too? You think it was something about it being unexpected as to why your cunt was dripping like crazy as Choso’s cock slid down your throat.

He wasn’t mean to you during the day or anything. As stated before, Choso was perfect and as your boyfriend, he was even better than perfect somehow. He was such a gentleman, so kind and careful with you, attentive, understanding, and just a giant walking green flag.

Now, after seven days of dating the man, you have addressed his possessiveness and tendency to get jealous over the smallest things— which he promises to work on just for you. Choso would do anything for you so something as simple as changing the way he thinks or feels about certain things was nothing to him.

But, all that greatness aside, during sex he was different. And god damn you were not ready for it. You’d think after sleeping with Choso countless times before, things wouldn’t really change when you were dating but… something had changed, he had changed.

Hence why it’s suspected that there’s a literal switch in his head because something just flipped as you tried to surprise him with a little reward for being such a wonderful boyfriend. The night of your date, neither of you had sex so it’d been a while since you slept with him-, weeks since you slept with him.

Even so, you didn’t recall Choso’s mouth being this filthy with you? Nor do you remember him being so… in control. Usually, midway through sex Choso would let you have your way with him or things would go the other way around, either way, dominance was an off-and-on thing.

But tonight? Oh dominance was all the way on and you had nothing to prepare you for it. And Choso’s sex drive was through the roof for some reason too…

Anyway, you think it’s because of your little surprise. Maybe you should be more careful the next time you decide to wear lingerie for your boyfriend…

.　 . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆ .　 . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆

But, as stated before, nothing could’ve prepared you for him. Hence why you stood in the bathroom of his apartment minutes before that all happened, checking yourself to make sure you looked good. 

It was yet another Friday night and you’d been back and forth to Choso’s place these past few days. The semester had started up again but since it was the early weeks, school wasn’t too harsh yet, nothing but introductory assignments and small tasks here and there.

Even so, you stood looking in the mirror toying with the strap of your vibrant red shaded bra that lay beneath the baggy white shirt on your body— the shirt being Choso’s of course. 

You did have on sweatpants but since you wanted to surprise him, you quickly rid yourself of those and you were going to reveal the lingerie set to your boyfriend by stripping yourself of his shirt in front of him. He’ll love this, you thought to yourself with a slight smile on your face.

Mhm, you had it all planned out. You were about to go into his room, not-so-innocently see what he’s doing, tease him a bit, and ultimately have sex with him for the first time since you started dating. In your head, you thought Choso would want to take it slow with you and make love with you so that’s kinda why you bought lingerie.

And even if he didn’t want to take things slow and lovingly, you wouldn’t complain if he tore you out of the pricey fabric and completely ruined you.

All those thoughts aside though, as you finally walked out of the bathroom, your feet lightly walking over the hallway floor whilst you sneakily made your way to his bedroom, you couldn’t wait to see the look on his face. Would he blush at the sight of you? Or would he shower you with compliments instantly?

You soon approach his room, the door wide open and the light seeping out into the hallway you walked through. In Choso’s head, you were supposed to be in his living room right now watching TV— that being the last thing you told him you were gonna do a few hours ago.

Your head popped around the corner of his door frame to get a peek into his room only to find Choso’s back to you as he sat at the art desk in his room. A smile spread across your face as you noticed a pencil in one hand and his other laid against a piece of paper.

Slowly, you slipped into his room as quietly as possible and crept up behind him. Once you stood directly behind the man, you took a peek over his shoulder and saw he was sketching some kinda design. After a second of admiring his progress, you raised your hands up and covered his eyes gently before moving to his ears.

“Guess who?” You whisper playfully.

Choso’s hand stops mid pencil-stroke and he smiles. The fact that he didn't even flinch or seem phased by your sudden presence made you think he heard you or something, “Guess who? Well, I’m hoping you’re my wonderful girlfriend…” He replies.

You keep your hands over his eyes, “Wronggg,” You tease.

He chuckles, “Wrong? Okay, thennn… my amazing girlfriend,” Choso corrects, to which you snicker, “Orrr, my beautiful girlfriend. Playful girlfriend? Or, y’know, maybe all of the above and the woman I love.”

Taking your hands off his eyes, you pull away from his ear and his head turns to you. You giggle, “That’s a lot of girlfriends you have…”

“Nono, that’s all my one and only girlfriend,” He says, playing into your joke.

You narrow your eyes tauntingly, “Yeah? She sounds like a handful.”

“Ehh,” Choso shrugs a little, “She’s my handful and I love her just the way she is.”

His words make your smile widen before you lean in and plant a small kiss on his lips. Choso reciprocates the action, grinning against you as he does so. After the small kiss, you pull away and glance down at what he was doing before you interrupted.

“What’s that for?” You ask curiously.

Choso follows your gaze down to his sketch and he sighs, “It’s for one of my classes,” He hums.

You blink, “How? The semester just started…”

“Well, this is due later on but I just wanted to get an idea or two out on paper,” He explains, “Did you need somethin’ though? If so, I can stop.”

You chuckle a little, “I just wanted to see what you were doing,” You tell him innocently as you stand up, “But, I do also have a little surprise for you…” Your words come out in a mischievous hum and you start to back away from where he’s seated.

Choso began to spin his chair around slowly, “Oh? What kinda surprise?”

His head turns before the rest of his body and you watch his eyes drop to your frame, scanning the way his shirt looks hanging off you so loosely. Choso can’t help but smirk when he finds that the white fabric of the top stops just at the start of your thighs— having not even paid attention to the obvious bright red beneath the shirt you wore.

He always gets distracted when you wear his shirt, always torn between wanting to cuddle you in it and wanting to fuck you in it. But, after his few seconds of studying you, your hands go to the bottom of the shirt and his eyes widen as you start lifting it up.

“I’m not sure if you’re into this kinda thing but,” You say casually as you pull his shirt up and off your body, revealing the red lingerie set you purchased just for him. “Well… Surprise,” You hum sweetly, tossing his shirt off to the side and looking at your boyfriend.

Choso blinks once. Then twice, then a third time. He’d yet to turn his chair to you fully, stopping about halfway so, his body was facing your right but his head was turned to you and his eyes were… his eyes were everywhere.

First, they dropped to your crotch and you could hear the way he swallowed, studying the vibrant fabric on your skin and how it looked on you. Then, Choso’s gaze lifted to your torso and he smiled for only a second— you wish you knew what he was thinking. Second to last, he looks at your tits, and fuck does that lingerie set make them look good.

Choso clears his throat and, ultimately, his eyes find their way back to your face after a long moment. When you meet his gaze, you see how lidded his eyes have become and no smile or words is coming from him yet so you wonder if he even likes it.

Oh, he liked it alright-, loved it even. It took one little glance at you and his cock was twitching like crazy. His hips shifted in his seat ever so slightly, the tip of his dick leaking pre in reaction to you. The effect you had on your poor boyfriend was insane.

Tilting your head, you swing your hands behind your back, “Cho? Do you-”

“Come here,” Choso says, his voice low.

Oh. A chill slipped down your spine with the way his words came out. His eyes were so intense on yours and you almost didn’t move.

Choso raises a brow when he notices you froze and he spins his chair around to face you. Leaning back and parting his legs, “Baby, I said come here,” He emphasizes as his gaze grows more serious and stern with you.

Your feet began to move and you brought your hands in front of you, slightly nervously playing with your fingers as you approached him. Then, you stopped just about one step away from him and Choso sighed.

“Closer,” He orders, spreading his thighs further apart so that you have enough space to stand in between them.

When did your body grow so hot? Or maybe that’s because of him… Seeing as your eyes dropped down to his crotch, you couldn't help but find it attractive the way he manspread right in front of you, gray sweatpants clung to his body so nicely-

Choso suddenly starts leaning to sit up and your eyes and body jump when his hand creeps toward you. He reaches to your hip, and your hip only, hooking a single finger beneath the strap of your panties and tugging you toward him. Your feet shuffle against his carpet floor and come to a stop when you stand in between his legs.

Your boyfriend unhooks his finger and his hand caresses your hip for a second before the touch slips off and he leans back again.

You swallow, “Well? Do… Do you like it-“

“Shut up,” Choso suddenly says, your lips zipping closed instantly. “Don’t say a word, princess. Just uh,” His hand raises to his face and he wipes his mouth before rubbing his jaw a bit, eyes down on your body again, “Just lemme’ process… this.”

You nod a little, still keeping quiet as he just studies you. You really wish you could read minds because you damn sure couldn’t read his facial expression. If only you knew about the things going on in that man’s head right now.

Choso never knew himself to have this much patience and self-control because he definitely had half a mind to toss you on his bed and fuck you long and hard enough to have this same expensive fabric covered in his cum. His mind was hazed with the idea of it, the idea of watching his cum slip down your body, against the lingerie, and maybe even out of you.

“Turn around,” Choso breathes out after a minute or two. 

His words make you stiffen, “Wha-“

Choso looks up at your eyes, “Turn. Around.” He repeats, his voice low.

You swallow down your nerves and turn slowly, soon facing away from your boyfriend and having your back to him.

“Mh,” You hear Choso hum, then there’s a slight creak as he leans forward in his chair, “Now bend over.”

Your eyes go wide and you look over your shoulder and back to him, “What? Choso-“

“You heard me,” He claims, “I said bend over. Don’t make me say it again.”

You gulp and then release a long breath of air before facing forward again. Then, you tip your torso forward and bend over just as he’s asked you to.

Choso nods his head and his hand moves to tap the outer side of your thigh, “Good girl,” He praises, words going straight to your core, “Now spread your legs a bit so you’re not uncomfortable.”

No matter how you spread your legs, you were going to feel awkward bent over in front of him like this. “C-Choso-“

His hand goes to your ass and he suddenly slaps it, making you flinch and your eyes go wide. “What.” He says, sounding almost irritated.

You gulp, “Why… Why do you want me to-“

“Needed’ a closer look,” He cuts off, his hand rubbing over the same area of your ass he just slapped as if to soothe you. Then, his palm shifts, and his fingers trace against the outline of your panties, sliding down and down and down until he takes his hand off you.

There’s a moment of stillness and silence before Choso’s thumb makes contact with your clothed cunt, slipping against the fabric of your panties and in between your folds— the contact makes your lips part and a breathy sum of air leaves you.

“Cho,” You whisper, to which he smirks.

“Hm?” Choso hums, feeling your cunt twitch beneath the fabric in between his finger and you.

You swallow, “You never uh… You never said if you liked it or not,” You point out shyly.

He nods even though you can’t see him, halfway processing your words as the slick sound of his thumb sliding against your cunt distracts him. 

“Damn baby, the fuck did you get so wet from?” Choso asks, voice deeper and lower with you. He feels how your pussy squirms against his thumb and he smirks, “Ohhh, me? You got this wet from me, princess?” He asks.

Though, it didn’t sound like he was talking to you?

Choso’s thumb rolls a circle over your sex and you start to bring your legs close together again, to which he scoffs and moves his free hand to one of your thighs, prohibiting you from moving anymore. His thumb then hooks over and onto the fabric of your panties and he pulls at them, a slip of air brushing over your wet cunt for a moment before he releases the fabric and allows it to slap over you.

He then takes both of his hands and places them on your thighs before pulling you back a bit more and leaning his face forward. You start to turn your head back as best you could but all movement comes to a halt when his lips press into you.

Then… Then it’s his tongue. Choso’s pierced tongue slides in between your folds and he licks a stripe against you and your panties, not even bothering to move them aside just yet.

You inhale sharply, “Choso-,”

His lips cup your cunt and he hums against you, fingers gripping onto your outer thighs as he does so. “You put this on f’me?” Choso mumbles into you slowly.

“Uhuh,” You breathe out.

He pulls his head away from your sex and licks what little of your taste he got off his lips. Choso smirks and then pries his hands off your body, leaning back into his seat and rolling his hips up to comfort himself.

“Turn to me,” He requests, moving a single hand over his crotch and palming his erection. He was struggling so hard to control himself.

How was he supposed to react to this? His pretty girlfriend coming to him in a lingerie set to surprise him? Fuck, the thought alone made his cock ache. Choso swore he was about to moan when he first laid eyes on you.

And here you are now, turning to face him again with that innocent little look on your face. You had no idea what you were doing to him, did you? How crazy you drove him? Choso found it cute that you were clueless as to what he had planned for you tonight.

He didn’t even have to say anything and you were already getting down on your knees, leaning toward him and replacing his hand with yours to palm his cock through his sweats. Your eyes went wide at how painfully hard he was. It seems you got your answer as to whether or not he liked it…

Choso sighs heavily as his eyes settle on your dainty hand running over his dick print, feeling the way your fingers rubbed over him and needing to suck his lower lip into his mouth to conceal a groan.

“Baby,” Choso mutters, his breathing grown heavy already, “Are you gonna’ tease me all night or are you gonna suck me off?”

You smirk at his impatience and tilt your head as you lift your gaze up to his face, “Someone’s bossy tonight…”

He scoffs, “Shut up, you like it.”

You roll your eyes at him and slip your hand up to his waistband, tauntingly running your fingers beneath it and feeling against his tense skin, “I dunno Cho… This isn’t like you.” You hum.

Choso stares down at you, “Well how else am I supposed to react to my girlfriend wearing lingerie for me?” He replies sassily, “You look so fuckin’ pretty in it ‘nd jus’ lookin’ at you got me so damn hard.”

You start tugging his sweats down and he lifts his hips to assist you, watching with hooded eyes as your hands move agonizingly slow toward his briefs. 

Choso couldn’t take it anymore. As pretty as you looked on your knees and moving so teasingly for him, he quite literally couldn’t take it— quickly reaching his hands down and tugging his cock out with a heavy sigh leaving him.

You blink as you gather the sight of his dick in front of you— so big and veiny, leaky tip just begging for your attention. You couldn’t help but watch in a daze as Choso wrapped his fingers around his shaft and gave himself a few strokes, his low-lidded eyes locked onto the sight of you watching him.

He groans out your name and your cunt flutters around nothing at the sound. Choso’s voice had to have dropped at least two octaves because it was so damn low and deep with you all of a sudden, heavy with arousal and need for you.

You flick your eyes up to his face and jump at the sight of his gaze on you already. He looked so intimidating.

Then, Choso moves his free hand to the top of your head and urges your face closer to his cock, nodding his chin down to your mouth, “Open.” He orders.

You were left wanting to tease him about his neediness and wanting to obey his every command at the same time. Ultimately, your mouth opens for the man and you keep your eyes on his.

Choso heaves out a pant and parts his thighs all the more further before angling his cock into your mouth. The second his flushed and dripping tip slips over your tongue, you go to lick him and wrap your lips around his member— an instant and guttural groan leaving his throat.

His hand leaves his shaft and yours quickly replaces it as you focus your mouth on his tip. You slick your tongue through the slit of his cock and Choso’s brows tense in satisfaction, “Mmgh… hah, fuck.” He breathes, tipping his head back against his chair.

You tilt your hand and start sucking on only the tip of his cock, the rest heavy and twitching in your hand as you start to pump his length. He bucks up into your touch a little and scoffs.

“Princess,” Choso calls out lowly, “Your throat, take my cock down your throat,” He directs.

And, naturally, you listen to him and start to take him into your mouth. A lustful smile spreads across his face as he feels himself enter the warmth and wetness of your mouth, hissing at the way your tongue slicks over the underside of his cock.

You felt him twitch in your mouth and you swore he was getting impossibly harder, veins pulsing against your tongue as you sucked on him carefully. 

Your head bobs up and down a few times before the sound of Choso’s voice makes you moan around him, “Deeper, princess, deeper.” He instructs again, to which you take more of his inches into your mouth and hum around him, “Yeahhhh, fuck, that’s it.” Choso moans.

You pull off him slowly for barely even a second, only to bring your mouth right back down and suck him off eagerly.

The sound of his slight pants was causing you to pool in your panties as you bobbed your head up and down and took him in and out of your mouth. Normally, Choso wasn’t much of a talker when you gave him head— he’d usually just groan and moan.

But tonight? Oh tonight was much different. This is exactly why you moan again when he whines a little as he speaks, “Uhuh, suck my cock jus’ like that baby…” Choso urges.

You start to lift your head again but his hand suddenly shifts into your hair and pushes you right back down, “C’mon, go all the way down, princess,” He utters, “Show me how you use that tongue-,” He’s cut off when you suck him in deeper and your tongue gets dangerously close to his base, “Mhm, y-yeahh… there you go…”

There’s been numerous times you’ve sucked Choso off and yet, you still struggled to take him all the way in sometimes. Just barely would his tip knock into the back of your throat here and there but in the end, his cock was just so much bigger than your mouth. 

And there he was, sitting with a hand over your head and his fingers curling into your hair as he started to guide you through it. Up and down, Choso watched in a daze as your mouth sucked on his cock, head bobbing so cutely below him.

His shaft was covered in a messy mix of your saliva and his precum, your movements steadily growing sloppier in a way you knew he liked.

Choso grits his teeth when you suddenly dip all the way down, your nose making light contact with his pelvis and his dick pressing into the back of your throat as you relax it just to take him all the way in. 

“Hahh… S-So fuckin’ tight, shit…” He groans, “All this f’me?” Choso asks, his hand carefully pulling you up only a little just to force your mouth right back down, “Wearin’ lingerie, suckin’ my dick like… like a fuckin’ slut, for what?”

Your eyes flickered back and you whimpered out a moan against his cock in reaction to him suddenly degrading you. He’s never done that before— Choso’s never called you anything like that but god damn it made you so stupidly horny.

“Hm?” Choso hums as he lifts your head up and allows you a chance to breathe, “What’s all this for, huh?”

You clear your throat and then swallow, licking your lips as you make eye contact with him, “F-For bein’ such a good boyfriend.”

The corner of Choso’s lips quirk into a slight smirk, “Yeah? This is what I get for bein’ good to you?”

You nod, “Mhm…”

“So, I treat you like you should be treated and in return,” Choso tilts his head and flashes that slight but sexy lazy smile of his, “My girlfriend turns into a lil’ slut f’me?”

He sees on your face how flustered his question got you and the way you’re looking up at him was driving him insane— Choso swore he was seconds away from releasing all over your expression.

He moves a hand to his cock and shifts to tap your lips with his tip, “Hm? Answer me, baby.” Choso requests.

You nod, “Y-Yeah.”

“Yeah? So if that’s the case then,” He smirks again, “I can treat you like one, right?”

“Uhuh,” You nod again, more eagerly this time.

You were so cute. Choso removes his hand from your head and suddenly stands to his feet, causing you to shuffle back on your knees a bit so there’s room.

“Y’know,” Choso grunts a bit as he starts fisting his cock in quick pulls, “I didn’t realize you liked bein’ degraded this much, princess.”

You swallow, “I like it when you degrade me.”

Choso bites his lower lip, “Oh yeah?”

Your thighs draw together in a slight attempt at giving yourself some kind of relief, “Mhm..”

He tilts his head and his strokes grow faster and rougher, “Alright then, open your mouth f’me again ‘nd jus’ sit there lookin’ pretty while I fuck your throat,” Choso breathes out.

Your jaw is quick to drop for him and you lean closer, lips parted for the man as you keep your eyes up on his. One of his hands goes to the top of your head and the other maneuvers his length into your mouth, quickly and roughly thrusting his hips forward and making you gag around him.

“Mmgh-,” He hums deeply, the vibration of you gagging around him so suddenly making his body twitch, “Fuck that felt good… hah, you’re gonna’ make me cum…”

With only one hand atop your head, Choso starts to fuck his cock into your mouth. You just sit there and let him use you like a pretty cocksleeve, moaning and gagging each time he pushes in a bit deeper than you could handle. At some point, he slows for a second and the hand on your head forces you to move.

Back and forth and back and forth, Choso has you gulping and sucking on his cock so messily. Saliva began to escape from the corners of your lips and sloppy wet sounds filled his room along with his groans.

“Faster baby, c’mon…” He urges.

You try your best to suck him off in quicker pulls, tongue rolling and lulling all over his dick and even tracing against his veins. 

Choso whines a little, “Yeahh… keep goin’, fuuuck…” He starts panting again and he grunts, “Fuckin’ slut-,” He chokes out, “Makin’ me feel so good…”

“Mmh,” You hum against him as your eyes grow teary.

“Yeah? My slutty girlfriend, fuck. Baby,” He moans lightly, “I’m gonna fuck you so hard after this.”

You choke around his cock, realizing he plans on going at it all night.

Choso’s member twitches inside your mouth and you can tell he’s close as his voice starts to pitch, “Pretty pussy deserves some attention too, doesn’t she?” He asks you in a husk tone, “Not jus’ your mouth… Gotta’ fuck your cunt too, feel her’ squeeze ‘round me for hours… hahhh, ahh… m’gonna cum jus’ thinkin’ about it-,” His words die out as a pornographic moan leaves his lips.

You’re dizzy and cockdrunk at this point and Choso’s back to just thrusting and thrusting into you, getting fucked out by the messy feeling of your throat and the sounds of your choking and gagging.

“M’gonna cum,” Choso whimpers, “Y-You’re so fuckin’ loud ‘nd messy baby, makin’ me cum so quickly like this…”

Quickly? Just how long was he planning to use your throat like this?

With another groan, Choso pulls out of your mouth and jerks himself off quickly enough to drive him over the edge— the slick and sloppy sounds of his movements filling your ears just moments before he releases all over your face and the upper half of your torso. Ultimately, his cum lands all over you and especially on the lingerie just like he wanted.

.　 . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆ .　 . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆

And as he said, moments later he had you on his bed sobbing and moaning into his sheets— panties pulled to the side as he fucked you down into the mattress.

With a hand on your head and the other forcing your back to arch further for him, Choso was pounding his heavy cock into you like there was no tomorrow. You were so wet when this started that he didn’t need to prep you for anything and every inch of him slid into you perfectly.

“Fuckin’ pussy was made to take my cock,” Choso groaned out to you, “Right baby? That’s all you’re meant to do right? Jus’ take cock for hours ‘nd hours ‘nd never get tired?”

His words were driving you insane, cunt gushing and fluttering around his cum covered member. You came so much already and your legs were quivering below the man.

Nodding dumbly into the sheets, you couldn’t even think straight more, “Yeahhh…ah-, fuck… Choso-, ha-ahh…” You moaned, fingers curling into his bed sheets as if to brace yourself.

The hand on your back slid down your arch and against your spine until he got to your ass and smacked it, grunting at the sound and the sight of his hand having left a mark on your skin. The rest of your body was decorated in hickeys, bite marks, his cum— everything. The man had you ruined as someone else once had you before.

The two of you had been in almost every position by now, and in each one Choso was so mean and aggressive with you. He was so deep inside you, burying his cock to the hilt of your cunt as you whined and whimpered.

From you’re takin’ me so well baby to such a good slut f’me, keep ridin’ me jus’ like that—don’t fuckin’ stop, Choso’s mouth was just on a roll with you today. One moment it’s praise and the next he’s telling you how his cum makes you look ten times better and that sluts like you needa’ be covered in it. 

Sometimes he was just babbling and other times he was fully serious with what he said, especially when he was able to groan his words into your ear. Choso told you how you were his slut, his good girl, and that only he gets to fuck you to this point.

That point being where you’re trying to reach a hand back and push him away or get him to slow down as his pelvis crashes into your ass and his balls smack against your puffy clit over and over again. You were so out of it but he didn’t care.

That bra of yours that you wore for him was gone, somewhere in his room decorated in his cum and even broken. Your panties were all you had on and Choso’s fingers hooked around them to keep them pulled to the side to rut into you properly.

He stared at the fabric and how it looked straining against your skin due to his tugs, the item sure to leave even more marks on your body.

Choso himself wasn't even spared from the marks. His back had been clawed earlier when the two of you were in missionary and his shoulders and arms had more scratches from when he forced you to bounce on his cock. He had a hickey or two but you didn’t really get much time to leave them on him since he was far too in control.

In one night, you experienced so much with this man— from him choking you while his hips snapped into you, to his fingers shoved deep into your mouth as he told you to shut up and take his cock, and even to him biting your shoulder while forcing your hips back on him.

Choso loved you, yes. But he also loved fucking you like a man who hadn’t had sex for months— which was true, he hadn’t had sex since Christmas so, it was almost another two months he went without you.

He fucked you at such an animalistic pace too, just pounding and pounding into you for hours. All this over some lingerie… You could only imagine how he’d be under different circumstances— how feral the man would become.

Choso was so addicted to the way your body felt against his and you even learned something new about him— he apparently has a thing for your thighs.

At some point into the night, after squirting all over his cock at least five times in a row and nearly passing out on him, you were obviously tired but he wanted to keep going. Each time his dick went down, he’d simply look at you and that damn red fabric hugging your skin and he’d spring right back up. 

But, in courtesy of your lack of stamina, Choso decided to do something different to get off. He wrapped an arm around your legs as you laid on your back and he lifted them up, pressing them to his chest before sliding his cock in between your thighs. You were pretty dazed but you watched him use your legs to get off.

The way the tip of his cock was just dripping in cum and getting all over your legs was utterly sinful. Tiredly, you lifted your gaze to his face and saw heavy pants and cute whines leaving his wet parted lips. His face was red, his eyes were so low, and his hair was loose and completely disheveled. Choso was beyond drunk off of you and fucked out.

“Hahhhh…” Choso breathed, slowly making eye contact with you as he shallowly thrust his dick in between your legs, “Fuck-, thank you for this baby…” He murmurs.

Your voice is so soft that it sounded as though you may have lost it, “F-For what?”

Choso tips his head back and he moans, “This… Lettin’ me use you like this. Shit-, you’re so perfect. Such a pretty and perfect girlfriend I have,” He babbles out to you, “Love’ you s’much, princess.”

You chuckle wearily, “Uhuh, love you too, Cho…”

“We should probably shower after this, yeah?” He offers, smiling a bit before rolling his head back into place and raising a brow at you.

Your eyes were down on the way his cock looked rutting in and out of your inner thighs that were smushed together, watching how he starts to cum for the nth time of the night. It was so sloppy but spurts of his warm release covered your torso and your legs all over again— leaving you in such a lewd state.

“…Cho,” You whispered, “You c-came s’much…”

He nods and flashes a drained little smile, “Yeahh, I know… M’sorry baby, I saw that pretty set of yours ‘nd wanted to empty my balls onto it…” Choso hums innocently.

You roll your eyes, “I’ll be more careful next time I decide to do this…” You tell him.

Choso chuckles at you before shifting your legs so that he can lower himself down to your body, moving to kiss your jawline once he’s close enough, “Next time m’not lettin’ you get any sleep.”

You scoff and glance over to his nearby clock, “Choso it’s three in the morning.”

“Mhm, I know,” He hums against your skin, smirking a bit.

“You’re crazy,” You sigh out in response.

Choso sucks on the area below your jaw softly before running his teeth over it, “Crazy for you, yeah,” He laughs, “You wore lingerie f’me and told me you’re my lil’ slut, how am I supposed to react?”

You shrug sheepishly, “I dunno-, and wait, I told you what?”

He smiles, “You really are out of it aren’t you baby?”

Choso moves to hover his face over yours and you blink as the two of you make eye contact. “I called myself your slut?” You ask curiously.

“Yeah,” He smirks, “And even though you kept whinin’ about me goin’ too fast, you kept pulling me closer and creamin’ around my cock like you didn’t want me to stop-“

“Choso,” You cut off.

His smirk widens, “What?”

“Enough with the dirty talk, please.” Your request comes out gentle since his words were flustering you.

He tilts his head to the side, ruffled hair swaying as he does so, “Why? You’ gettin’ worked up again? I can go another round, especially if we’re going to the bathroom. I could fuck you against the shower wall, oh, orrr in the tub-“

“No Choso, m’tired.” You say sternly.

He pouts, “Jus’ the tip, princess?”

“Absolutely not,” You huff.

Choso starts laughing and then he leans down and plants one little peck on your lips, nodding and accepting his defeat in convincing you. “Alright, yes ma’am.” He hums lightly before moving to get off you.

You just lay there for a while as Choso moves around. Before you even realized it, your eyes were shutting and you were falling asleep.

By the time Choso returns his attention to you, having gone to straighten up the mess of disregarded clothes on the floor, he coos at the way you look resting so peacefully despite the filthy mess he’d made of you.

He obviously wasn’t going to leave you like that so, Choso did his thing as your boyfriend and moved to lift you, quickly taking you to his bathroom and carefully cleaning you of his remnants. He really did cover you in his cum— it was all over you and he couldn’t help but chuckle as he cleaned you off.

After bathing you clean, he carried you out to his living room couch so that he could finish cleaning his room and the two of you could sleep there peacefully.

Choso hurried to do so, changing the messy bed sheets and pillows and tossing the soiled ones into the wash in a hurry so that he could bring you into the bed as quickly as possible. The last thing he wanted was for you to wake up on the couch and have a repeat of what happened that one time when you thought he left you.

Hell, even then he was worried like crazy— nearly locking himself out of your apartment. Luckily though, because he was running out quickly that night, all he’d done was borrow the set of apartment keys you had lying on your kitchen counter.

He returned them when he came back and he’s kinda glad you never asked about it because, at the time, he did have thoughts of doing other things with those keys… Not that he ever acted on them though, they were just thoughts.

All that aside, once Choso was done, he hurried back out to you, lifted you from his couch, and transported your resting frame to his bed. He only put one of his spare shirts on you so that you were somewhat decent and on himself was nothing more than some sweats.

After getting you into bed, Choso got in behind you and wrapped an arm around your waist, planting a little kiss on the side of your neck and whispering a soft I love you to you despite you resting.

Then, the arm around your waist gripped onto you a bit tighter and Choso shut his eyes, hugging you in a way that said he’d never let go, no matter what you did— you were his now, and he was yours.

Nothing and no one would change that.

Any issue ever brought up in the future, he’d work through with you. Anything about him you don’t like, he’d change. There wasn’t anything Choso wouldn’t do to keep you happy with him.

All his. Finally, you were all his.

GOJO SATORU ✔︎ 𝘛𝘳𝘶𝘦 𝘋𝘪𝘧𝘧𝘪𝘤𝘶𝘭𝘵𝘺: 𝙀𝙖𝙨𝙮

GETO SUGURU ✔︎ 𝘛𝘳𝘶𝘦 𝘋𝘪𝘧𝘧𝘪𝘤𝘶𝘭𝘵𝘺: 𝙀𝙖𝙨𝙮

TOJI FUSHIGURO ✔︎ 𝘛𝘳𝘶𝘦 𝘋𝘪𝘧𝘧𝘪𝘤𝘶𝘭𝘵𝘺: 𝙈𝙚𝙙𝙞𝙪𝙢

KAMO CHOSO ✔︎ 𝘛𝘳𝘶𝘦 𝘋𝘪𝘧𝘧𝘪𝘤𝘶𝘭𝘵𝘺: 𝙎𝙚𝙢𝙞-𝙈𝙚𝙙𝙞𝙪𝙢 / 𝙀𝙖𝙨𝙮

ZEN'IN NAOYA ✔︎ 𝘛𝘳𝘶𝘦 𝘋𝘪𝘧𝘧𝘪𝘤𝘶𝘭𝘵𝘺: 𝙀𝙭𝙩𝙧𝙚𝙢𝙚𝙡𝙮 𝙀𝙖𝙨𝙮

ITADORI SUKUNA ✔︎ 𝘛𝘳𝘶𝘦 𝘋𝘪𝘧𝘧𝘪𝘤𝘶𝘭𝘵𝘺: 𝙎𝙚𝙢𝙞-𝙀𝙖𝙨𝙮???

NANAMI KENTO ✔︎ 𝘛𝘳𝘶𝘦 𝘋𝘪𝘧𝘧𝘪𝘤𝘶𝘭𝘵𝘺: 𝙃𝙖𝙧𝙙

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[linkspooky]

SUKUNA, YOU ARE ME

Now that we're in the last few chapters of Jujutsu Kaisen it's time to do a deep dive into Yuji and Sukuna's relationship. Is what Yuji showing Sukuna here truly empathy? Does Sukuna's death and Yuji's attempt to reach out mean Sukuna was human all along? We'll discuss that, the parallels between this and Mahito, and what Sukuna's exit means for both himself and Yuji as characters underneath the cut.

I AM YOU

While this post is about the connection between Yuji and Sukuna, I'm going to say the majority of this post will be about Yuji. I stated this in a previous post, I don't believe Yuji's showing Sukuna empathy here. While his offer to let Sukuna live inside of him may be genuine, it doesn't come from a place of genuine understanding. Sukuna himself isn't written as a character to be understood or empathized with.

Look at the words Yuji said. "You are me." He's not saying he's like Sukuna, he's saying Sukuna is like him. He is projecting himself onto Sukuna. Everyone in the story does, even Kashimo and Gojo who both considers themselves the strongest of their time and who naturally should have been able to understand the isolation of being someone as incomprehensibly strong as Sukuna were just projecting their own personal experiences on them in the end.

Of course we could dig a little deeper on the topic.

How much can one person truly understand another? It doesn't have to be a curser, or a borderline incomprehensible deity like Sukuna. How much do you understand your own best friend?

Gojo mentions that he felt loved by everyone, but also that he was so beyond their understanding that they may as well have been plants in comparison to him.

Of course, Shoko herself says that Shoko was always right there next to Gojo trying to offer him support and Gojo just chose to keep her at an arm's length. Gojo also believed that only someone as equally as powerful as him like Sukuna could understand him. Only to find that Sukuna didn't care about Gojo's feelings of isolation at all, nor was he troubled by love in the least.

Gojo makes himself out to be someone so superior to other human beings that he's beyond their comprehension, but that's Sukuna. Gojo did feel understood once, by Geto in his youth. The thing was that Gojo assumed that Geto could understand him because they were both euqal in power level. However, years after the fact when Gojo has long surpassed Geto, their friendship remains exactly the same.

The one that Gojo pictures patting him on the back is adult Geto, not teenage Geto. The one who Gojo truly would have been satisfied by in the end was Geto, not Sukuna.

So maybe what makes Sukuna so impossible to understand by others is that same reason why Shoko can't be close to Geto. Sukuna can't be understood by others because he doesn't care to be understood by them.

Perhaps, understanding isn't the end all be all of human connection. Gojo accepted Geto, and he didn't accept Shoko. Maybe Shoko would have been able to understand Gojo if Gojo ever tried to be emotionally open with her the ever way he was with Geto then he might have felt understood.

Then there's Ryomen Sukuna who rejects love and every notion of humanity along with it.

Therefore empathy means nothing to Sukuna. Yuji's empathy in particular. No, Yuji's attempt to save Sukuna is more about himself than Sukuna. It's a reflection of a change of Yuji's state of mind that he's willing to accept living with a curse like Sukuna. That he'd even try to understand Sukuna. Curses that Yuji previously dismissed as not even being worth understanding.

The first time Yuji said these words was when Yuji tried to make an offer to Sukuna to let him take control of his body in order to heal Junpei, in order to be laughed at by Sukuna. It was the last time Yuji ever asked anything of Sukuna.

Remember, in the very beginning of the manga Sukuna seemed like a standard inner demon character like the nine tails, or hollow ichigo. Yuji even thinks he can use Sukuna to switch out to help fight for him like against the special grade cursed spirit. However, we and the audience quickly learns that not only is Sukuna not just some evil half of Yuji, or a convenient power up, he's an actively malevolent entity with a will that will do anything to escape.

When Yuji realizes that Mahito and Sukuna are both curses, he starts to see Sukuna as an enemy trapped within him. Something he's reminded of again and again, especially after the Shibuya Massacre. From that moment Sukuna and Mahito become like villainous foils to Yuji, the dark to his light, the enemy for him to kill.

Yuji defines Mahito and Sukuna as his opposites and his enemies By killing them, he also gives himself a role. It's Sukuna and Mahito's actions in taunting is the first time Yuji uses the language "kill" when dealing with curses.

Mahito compared himself to Yuji and by saying as a curse he mindlessly kills humans. The same way that Yuji as a sorcerer, mindlessly kills curses. They are on the opposite side of the same cycle with no end in sight.

Yuji decides to embrace this violent cycle because it at least gives him a role to play. If curses are the shadow of humanity, if they're a reflection of humanity then what exactly is you saying here?

Yuji says he is Mahito, and then immediately that he's going to kill Mahito. It's not a statement of self acceptance, or accepting your shadow, but rather a statement of self destruction. Even though Mahito is a chaotic evil curse who enjoys killing humans, Yuji's decision to throw away his humanity just for the sake of killing him isn't a healthy way.

When Mahito said "You are me" he was attempting to drag Yuji down to his level. Yuji then willfully descends to Mahito's level as long as it gives him the strength to kill Mahito. It's character regression on his part. Yuji once said he didn't want to kill because then the value of life might become vague to him.

In a way it did, because Yuji began to devalue his own life. Yuji wasn't able to see any meaning in his life besides a "role' that someone else assigned him. Not only was he willing to throw it away at the drop of a hat, but he also didn't feel like he had permission to live.

Unlike Yuta who actively sought affirmation from others, Yuji rejected that affirmation and tried to push everyone including people like Megumi and Choso away. They were right next to him, but Yuji became unable to accept their love and support.

Yuji is a strange paradox because he presents himself as an all-loving hero who just wants to save as many people as possible, but then you read his dialogue and he's like "I'm just a cog in the machine, I will continue to kill curses until one day I die. Then I'll just be replaced by another cog. There's no meaning at all to this sequence. Life is an endless nightmare."

I'm exaggerating, but underneath Yuji's sweet nature and goofing around, there's this very bleak attitude that his life means nothing except for the labor that he produces, and one day he'll be tossed aside and that's fine because it's what he deserves.

If Yuta seeks self-affirmation, then Yuji is seeking self-destruction. His self-loathing leads him to practically lay his head down on the chopping block and offer his neck up for execution by Higuruma's domain during the fight with Higuruma, even when Higuruma himself points out that Yuji isn't the one at fault because he wans't in control of his own body. Yuji will still take the blame, anything to punish himself further.

So, the words Yuji uses in his triumph against Mahito also signify the destruction of his own ego. That is what Yuji does when he adapts his cog mentality, he denies his own sense of self.

What Yuji experiences is basically a prolonged ego-death.

Ego death is a "complete loss of subjective self-identity".[1] The term is used in various intertwined contexts, with related meanings. The 19th-century philosopher and psychologist William James uses the synonymous term "self-surrender" and Jungian psychology uses the synonymous term psychic death, referring to a fundamental transformation of the psyche.

I brung up Ego-Death in the Jungian context, but in Yuji's case, resigning himself to being a cog is also an act of self-surrender. Yuji basically moves away from all of his previous ideals. He only sees himself as a tool to kill curses. Saving others, or helping guide others to a natural death, those things get put on the back burner as a tool doesn't need ideals.

He's abandoned all kinds of idealism and higher reasoning. In fact that is what Mahito wanted him to do, to abandon the higher reasoning that belongs to human beings and act on instinct like a curse. Mahito successfully pushed Yuji to abandon human reason and become an unthinking cog.

Jung defines the Ego-Death as the stripping away of everything else to revert to your natural self. According to Ventegodt and Merrick, the Jungian term "psychic death" is a synonym for "ego death":

In order to radically improve global quality of life, it seems necessary to have a fundamental transformation of the psyche. Such a shift in personality has been labeled an "ego death" in Buddhism or a psychic death by Jung, because it implies a shift back to the existential position of the natural self, i.e., living the true purpose of life. 

Megumi also experiences an ego-death over the course of the manga that mirrors Yuji's own when Sukuna takes over his body, soaks his soul to bring Megumi near evil, and then kills Tsumiki. At this point both Yuji and Megumi both lose what were their reasons for fighting. The so-called "dignity obtained by human reason" is lost. After having those reasons stripped away from them and experiencing their ego-deaths both of them surrender control. Megumi becomes helpless and stops trying to fight Sukuna. While Yuji may not seem like he's given up on anything since he keeps trucking along, he too has given up on thinking for himself. Yuji has essentially given up as much as Megumi has, there's just less plot consequences for it.

Either way they are both brought to their lowest point by ego-death, in order to bring them to their lowest point, and make them experience a rebirth of sorts.

The persona in Jung is the face you show the outside world. it's one part of personality, with the other being the shadow. The shadow is the repressed part of peresonality. Just like curses are made up of repressed human emotions that leak out from our collective subconscious. Curses serve as the shadow of humanity collectively, especially Mahito who is made up of everything humans hate and fear about other humans. The physical embodiment of human cruelty.

However, a person can't live without their shadow. There's no such thing as a human without flaws after all, and you don't become a better person just by ignoring your own flaws. The kinds of people who are unaware of their own flaws tend to unconsciously repeat the same mistakes again and again and again.

Yuji despises curses as inhuman monsters that he can slaughter like they're enemies in a video game, but they're like... made of human vices. They are the product of humanity's emotions. Yuji's habit of only looking at the good makes him unaware of both his own shadow, his own shortcomings, and also the darker shades of grey in the world around him.

Megumi and Yuji both are characters who, need to be dragged down to the darkest point of the shadow and forced to confront their own flaws in order to learn about themselves. It's not a coincidence thaT Yuji who puts humanity on such a pedestal is a human and curse hybrid. That his older brother who's shown to be a source of overflowing unconditional love is also a human / curse hybrid, and who Yuji nearly killed because he blindly, obediently decided to kill curses. That Yuji killed two of his other curse / human hybrid brothers in spite of noticing they were different from other curses and had a family bond with each other.

It's not a coincidence that Yuji who puts humanity on such a pedestal devoured the corpses of all of his other brothers the same way that Sukuna ate his own twin in the womb to gain the power to defeat Sukuna.

Yuiji lacks a lot of self-awareness. That's why I've always said he doesn't quite live up to the "all-loving hero" he sees himself as. Savior is just a role that Yuji has adopted in order to give himself a purpose in life, but he falls short of that. The reason that he falls short is ironically that Yuji tries so hard to be superhuman, that he can't forgive himself for having basic human flaws.

It's why "Being a child is not a sin" is such a meaningful line coming from Nanami. In Yuji's eyes being a child is a sin. He constantly blames himself for not being able to hold the weight of the world on his shoulders, for not being able to save everyone by himself even though he's only been a jujutsu sorcerer for a few months.

It's why Yuji gets excited for a moment when Kusakabe mentions that Yuji is developing very fast by sorcerer standards, because he wants to be someone monstrously talented like Higuruma or Gojo - and why he immediately looks so disappointed when Kusakabe says it's not because Yuji is talented it's just because of Sukuna.

Yuji feels an overwhelming amount of responsibility and wants to be a special person who is strong enough to actually carry all that responsibility on his shoulders. That's why I say Yuji isn't a true all-loving hero, because it's more about Yuji's own feelings than the act of saving others. His guilt complex over Sukuna.

His desires to be someone special and meaningful. Yuji wants to be a good person who saves others because it gives YUJI and purpose and it gives YUJI a sense of fulfillment. If you've read Tokyo Ghoul it's like Kaneki's reason for participating in the Anteiku Raid. Not because he genuinely wanted to save others, but because he "was tired of not being able to do a thing."

(I'm keeping the meme panel because it's funny)-

Yuji wants to be strong and wants to be a savior because Yuji feels insecure in himself and loathes himself for his own weakness. However, this pushes Yuji farther away from his goal of saving others and making connections with other people so he can die surrounded by people BECAUSE people empathize with each other over their weaknesses.

Yuji wants to become someone strong and unbreakable who will never falter, never feel pain, and most of all never lose. He basically wants to become Satoru Gojo, but if Yuji were to ever rise to Gojo's level like that just by getting rid of all of his weaknesses he'd fundamentally lose his ability to connect with people the way Gojo and Sukuna have.

Yuji defines himself in strength, and suffering, and always overcoming, but then what is his heart for? He strives to become someone stronger than Gojo or Sukuna to protect his friends, but if he loses his heart that loves and cherishes those friends in the process then what even is the point?

Yuji walks a dangerous road from the culling games up until the Shinjuku incident, into nearly becoming like Mahito or Sukuna in his attempts to be stronger than them. I don't think he was ever in danger of going on a murder spree, but I do think he was risking becoming someone like Gojo.

Gojo made himself a tool for Jujutsu Society for the greater good and look what happened to him in the end. Not only did he die in the line of duty, his corpse was turned into a puppet to use as a weapon against the enemy. He made himself into a monster even when people like Yuta were begging Gojo not to. Yuji was on a similiar path of cutting off all the people who loved him and just becoming a person exploited in both life and death for the greater good.

So what stopped him?

Megumi.

YOU ARE ME.

A few people said that Yuji's abandoning the cog mentality suddenly happened too fast, or felt unearned but I think if you look at the culling games arc from higiruma's fight onwards as a whole it's actually a natural progression.

It all starts with Higuruma and Yuji's conversation:

Higuruma: "You're innocent. You didn't commit that crime." Yuji: "Even so, it's my fault." Higuruma: "Why?" Yuji: "...I see. Itaodri, there still may be a lot of people who are weak like you."

Yuji is someone who loevs humans, but puts humanity as a whole on a pedestal. He loves humanity but hates human weakness, especially his own weakness. Ironic because Higuruma is also someone who became jaded by having to work in the corrupt justice system and was forced to look at human ugliness day after day after day even though he wanted to be someone who valued people for their weaknesses.

Yuji doesn't learn to empathize with human weakness until Megumi's weaknesses are the one he's forced to confront. He doesn't abandon his notion of roles until he's robbed of his roles by Sukuna when Megumi becomes the possessed one instead of him.

Yuji is fine with being a sacrifice for the greater good, but he is not fine with sacrificing Megumi. By knowing exactly what Megumi is going through and wanting to save Megumi from Sukuna's possession, Yuji is in an odd way forced to empathize with himself. Like, it's a double standard on his part that's being challenged. Yuji blames himself for all the people he hurt as Sukuna, but he'd never blame Megumi for letting Sukuna kill tsumuki while possessing his body.

In his refusal to sacrifice Megumi for the greater good, even when Megumi is begging him to do so he rejects the common Ethos that sorcerer's are expendable cogs who are expected to sacrifice themselves and their comrades in the eternal fight against curses for the sake of public safety.

Yuji carries with him this grandiose notion of saving as many people as possible. However, when the option comes to make a sacrifice that would save hundreds of thousands of people from the merger by fighting to kill Megumi instead of save him from Sukuna's clutches Yuji can't do it. Even though Megumi at that point would be a completely willing sacrifice.

Yuji has to abandon his cog mentality to save Megumi, because an unthinking cog wouldn't put Megumi's life over the lives of everyone in Shibuya. A cog, especially a sorcerer would kill that one kid in order to save thousands of lives. Heck, Kusakabe more conservative sorcerer even brings up that argument that everything would have been avoided if Yuji was executed to begin with.

In order to save Megumi, Yuji must also reclaim his own humanity. There's a reason that Nanami, and Nobara, die right before Yuji adopts his cog mentality. Nanami, the most ethical of the first grade sorcerers who tried to teach Yuji to value his own life because he was a child, and Nobara the only kid in the main trio who was a normal person are both representatives of Yuji's humanity.

After losing both Yuji becomes reckless, he stops valuing his own life. As I said far, far bove, Yuji never listened to the advice Nanami gave him that it wasn't a sin to be a child. Yuji has this entire time thought it was a sin just to be weak, just to need the help of other people, just to not be able to accomplish everything on his own.

After Yuji starts reconciling with his own humanity though, he regains his connections to both Nanami and Nobara. Nanami comes back symbolically in the form of Higuruma, someone Yuji tries to encourage to live instead of taking the same suicidal path that Yuji was bent on. Whereas, Nobara herself actually comes back from the dead in time to land the final blow, the same way she reminded Yuji of her presence and that she wasn't alone in the Mahito fight.

Yuji also regains these connections when he's processed the grief for both people. He remembers Nanami and what Nanami left him in a more positive light. In my interpretation the line "I am a sorcerer" refers to Yuji developing a more healthy version of being a sorcerer. That instead of Yuji seeing sorcerers as slaves who have to sacrifice themselves for the greater good like Geto did, Yuji can see the camraderie between sorcerers who fight and put their lives on the line together.

Either way, I think the moment Yuji truly reconciled with the grief of death is sadly enough with Choso's death. If you want proof that Yuji's revelation wasn't rushed, that he didn't skip from point a to point b, then it's right here.

Choso apologizes to Yuji for leaving him ahead of time, and Yuji tells him not to, because Choso was always by his side when he was at his lowest point and that brief time they had together was enough for him.

Yuji's relationships so far have been defined by his fear of losing people. He wants to have a natural death, he wants the other people around him to have good deaths, he doesn't want people to die too early. By focusing on the fear of losing people, he hasn't yet been able to enjoy the time that they were around. However, in this moment he realizes how much Choso meant to him, even if their relationship was brief, and even if it came to an end. Yuji learned you can still love someone even if you inevitably lose them.

This is when Yuji finally accepts mortality and fragility as a part of life.

This is also what Sukuna can't accept. That life is fragile. That life is weak. That life comes to an end. Sukuna's entire goal is to maximize pleasure and live as long as possible, and therefore he's rejected all of the unpleasant parts of reality. Sukuna doesn't want to live in the real world like a human being, he wants to exist only in the world of Jujutsu where he's a god.

This is what Yuji represents to Sukuna, The human vulnerability, and mundanity that he threw away, by literally cannabilizing his own twin and throwing away part of his soul. The part of his soul that Sukuna threw away was taken by Kenjaku, and used as a science experiment to create Yuji. Technically, Sukuna is Yuji's uncle but symbolically Yuji is the twin that Sukuna cast aside. Especially since in this world cursed energy treats identical twins like they are the same person.

Yuji for the longest time tried to do what Sukuna did. Tried to throw his own humanity away so he could be as strong as Sukuna. He literally even ate the corpses of his own brothers.

Yuji and Sukuna are symbolically twins, but Yuji learns to embrace the things that Sukuna threw away. Sukuna threw away his own soul's twin in order to grow strong. He became all powerful in the jujutsu world because he ate his twin and gained an extra pair of arms and a mouth. He's like if Maki chose to kill Mai instead of Mai sacrificing herself for Maki's sake.

Yuji chose companionship with others over power. Sukuna doesn't need others people to satisfy him, and Yuji begs Megumi to come back from the dead because his life would be lonely without him. Yuji doesn't have some noble reason for going this far for Megumi's sake. He's not saving Megumi for the greater good, but because his connection to Megumi is important to him. Because he doesn't want to go through life without Megumi.

Yuji loathes weakness like Sukuna. Yuji desires to be someone special like Sukuna. Yuji has a grandiose sense of self importance like Sukuna. Yuji desires power like Sukuna. Yuji looks down on weak people like Sukuna does, he just condescendingly wants to save them instead of Sukuna who just wants to stomp on them like ants.

Yuji is also literally Sukuna. He was created by an offshoot of his soul. The same way that Sukuna was born with a body perfect for Jujutsu, Yuji was born stronger than anyone his age, and develops at an extreme rate as a sorcerer BECAUSE he was Kenjaku's science project to make the perfect vessel for Sukuna.

They are totally twinsies in so many ways, the only difference in the end is that Yuji learns to value human connection. In Sukuna's book there is no meaning to life, except for the pleasures he pursues as an individual. Therefore Sukuna is the only real person that matters or even exists. The narrator says as much he alone is the honored one, all that exists is his pleasures and displeasures.

In Buberian terms Sukuna only experiences existence and I and It relationships.

Buber's main proposition is that we may address existence in two ways:

The attitude of the "I" towards an "It", towards an object that is separate in itself, which we either use or experience.

The attitude of the "I" towards "Thou", in a relationship in which the other is not separated by discrete bounds.

Sukuna is the "i" and everyone else is an "it." Sukuna is the only real person who exists, and everyone else is just an object for their amusement.

Whereas, Yuji experiences "I" and "Thou" relationships. Yuji learns to see other people as different from himself. Yuji appreciates people as separate entities. While Sukuna gets amusement from his life by treating other people like toys, for Yuji the value in his life comes from the people who have entered into his life in some form. He appreciates the relationships he's formed with people and the memories they've left behind, no matter how brief the time they spent together was.

This is why Yuji's words reach Megumi, because he respects that Megumi feels differently than he does. He doesn't tell Megumi to just suck it up and keep fighting because that's what Yuji would do. He understands that he's a different person than Megumi, and he can't say he understands the grief and pain Megumi is going through right now.

That's Yuji's big revelation, in just a few short months as a sorcerer he's met so many people who left an impact on him. Some of those relationships came to an end early, but that painful ending doesn't negate what they meant to him.

The few months he spent with Choso have value even if it's not the same as the one hudnred and fifty years Choso spent with the rest of his brothers, because Choso supported Yuji when he was at his lowest point. Yuji finally sees that what gave his life meaning was the memories he made with other people while they were alive together. Not the way that they died.

So Yuji is finally willing to let himself exist outside of a role.

That's what he's offering to Sukuna as well. Maybe not empathy or understanding, because if Yuji had truly learned empathy maybe Sukuna might have accepted his offer. No, Yuji is simply willing to offer Sukuna the chance to live alongside him.

Sukuna rejects bonds of all kinds and Yuji is now embracing them. Yuji no longer seeks to annihilate curses because they're a fundamental part of life. Yuji wants to live on with his curses and burdens. He's also willing to give Sukuna a chance to keep living too.

Even Yuji points out that both of them are totally twinsies. Sukuna was born as a curse because he devoured his twin brother in the womb. Yuji was born as a curse because he was created to be Sukuna's vessel. The only way that Yuji is the way that he is is because he was raised as a normal child by his grandfather. If Yuji hadn't then he would have turned out entirely different. It's the same way that Choso became human because of his love for his brothers, even though he was born as a curse human hybrid and tossed aside by Kenjaku as a failed experience.

Yuji acknowledges both his capacity to have turned out like Sukuna if not for his grandfather's sake. This time when he says You are me, he's not saying it to threaten and destroy the person he sees as his shadow. This time Yuji is trying to reconcile with his shadow. He's looking at the person who represents the absolute worst of humanity, and the things he hates about himself and is still willing to give them the chance to keep on living together with him.

When Yuji says "I am you, so I'll kill you" to Mahito, that signals his first step on the road to self destruction.

When Yuji says, "I am you, so I'll save you" to Sukuna, that signals his first step on the road to self-acceptance.

It's Yuji allowing himself for the first time to just exist as a normal person not as the hero of some epic story. He even gave Sukuna that chance too, to just continue living alongisde him, but sukuna rejected it to keep on living as a curse until the end.

So, while Yuji saying "You are me" to Sukuna isn't true empathy, it is Yuji learning to accept himself and his flaws. . Because if Yuji is willing to forgive someone like Sukuna, then perhaps he might just learn to forgive himself.

[gyumibear]

˗ˏˋ STUPID CUPID ˎˊ˗

“cupid, what you do to me….” | stupid cupid — nct dream

synopsis ── after your latest forum fails miserably, you’re almost out of an extracurricular! that is, until a mysterious account going by the name “cupid” brings you just the thing you need to fix your reputation: park wonbin, radio show host and your longtime crush. with the help of cupid, wonbin suddenly falls head over heels in love with you! you’d expect for this to be a good thing right? but no! everyone’s starting to notice how strange wonbin’s acting and now it’s up to you to figure out how and if you can get wonbin back to normal before anyone finds out what you’ve done. especially because “cupid” has disappeared… stupid cupid.

pairing — campus crush!park wonbin x journalist!reader

genre — smau + written. romcom. suggestive. love spell au. college au. angst. “strangers” to lovers.

warnings — hella swearing + crude humor (kys jokes). mentions/illusions to: food/sex/alcohol consumption. fighting (physical and verbal). mind control (what cupid does is essentially brainwashing). light jealous and possessive behaviors. use of pictures of yn but only for reference. everyone makes fun of each other a lot, but not maliciously. yn is a manga reader so spoilers for jjk, csm, the summer hikaru died & black butler. more warnings in the actual chapters, but please always lmk (!!) if i missed something. keep in mind: this story doesn’t describe the idols in real life and is written by a blk person so aave will be used.

playlist — stupid cupid nct dream. mutual butterflies ryan trey. don’t get mad wayv. cosmic red velvet. one kiss riize. love language hibiki. off the record ive. 2nite p1harmony.

notes — the taglist is open! (26/50) updates every saturday! creds to the respective artists for the graphics used! please consider reblogging or replying with your thoughts on each chapter!! it means the world to me but i appreciate spam likes too! you can join the taglist by replying to THIS post. asks will be deleted sorry </3… it’s just easier to manage for me.

profiles ── hate91.1 | public forum mods | specialz

act one let me monopolize that heart…

ᯓᡣ𐭩 ONE ── this week’s forum

ᯓᡣ𐭩 TWO ── nobody wants wonbin

ᯓᡣ𐭩 THREE ── chat… am i cooked?

ᯓᡣ𐭩 FOUR ── tell her the truth

ᯓᡣ𐭩 FIVE ── party ready!

ᯓᡣ𐭩 SIX ── byob (bring your own baby)

ᯓᡣ𐭩 SEVEN ──

ᯓᡣ𐭩 EIGHT ──

ᯓᡣ𐭩 NINE ──

ᯓᡣ𐭩 TEN ──

act two girl you got me crazy…

to be added…!

additional notes ── ah sunny back again with another smau! yippee!! um, i don’t have much to say except hii if you’re new round these parts.. i hope y’all enjoy because i worked hard and i hope this doesn’t flop? i’ll be sad. pleek.. pleek…?

early taglist ── @onlyhyunjin @pxnklover @glorism @nujeskz @soheendo @starwonb1n

2024 © GYUMIBEAR. do not repost, modify, or translate my work onto other social media sites.

[goldsbitch]

Hypochondria

part 4 to p1, p2, p3

He can sense her emotions, she feels his pain. Baby steps, that's the only way to go.

author's note: guess who's back - and a promised smut chapter turned into slow burn. any reported typos are appreciated. there will be p5.

"I'm sorry, Lando - this all just so bizarre. I'm barely taking it in. Literally don't understand how you're so calm."

He laughed gently. "Well, I did have few extra days to process. And hearing my name roll of your tongue is distracting enough," he said flirtatiously.

Her cheeks went red and her mind stopped, head getting filled with desire and lust. Lando's lips turned into a wide smile, him feeling her arousal as if she was screaming it loudly to his face.

"Glad to see my words have an effect on you. This is indeed going to be fun..."

Lando was on cloud nine. He was just staring at her as if she was a miracle. Her deep eyes unable to stay away from looking at him and lips that had a silent invitation written on them.

He was high on the way how relaxed she felt, proud that he made her feel like that. It was as if there was no yesterday or tomorrow. Just them and the couch. And after few moments of silence and collecting his bravery, Lando leaned in and kissed her.

It was clear to him from the moment he took her upper lip in that he'd give anything for this moment to take at least a thousand years. She did not hesitate and kissed him back immediately. The sweetest touch a woman can give. Leaned in and let nature do its miracles. He smiled into her lips and pushed himself closer to her, making her sink in the couch.

It was right then when a loud, impatient knock nearly sent them both into shock. Lando froze and back away from Y/N little bit, furious with whomever that dared to disturb a key moment in their lives.

"Lando, I apologize, but we have an urgent matter on our hands."

He rolled his eyes and let a deep breath out, recognizing the voice of his workoholic PR manager. This was not the first and probably the last time he had to tell his team off in the dark of the night. Internet never sleeps.

"Can it really not wait this time until tomorrow?" he said before he gave Y/N shameful and apologetic look. She just kept herself quiet, sunken into the comfy couch.

"I'm afraid we will need some immediate action," came from behind the door after another impatient knock.

Lando got his phone out to check the time, only to see 17 missed calls from several people.

"Ok, I'm coming."

He half opened the door to a very flustered PR manager, who looked like he was about to announce a coming tornado. Lando just raised his eyebrows, encouraging him to spill the beans and then planning on dismissing him.

"Anita released a break up TikTok. It's going viral."

As far as emergencies go, this one felt to Lando like a second-tier one. He was more concerned about the anxiety he felt coming from Y/N. Kind of wished she was kept out of it, for her own good.

"I'm sure we can address this in few hours," Lando replied calmly.

"She accused you of cheating. In a very colorful manner, I must say," the guy continued, as if he was not confident enough to fully explain the situation. "I'm in touch with her publicist, so that we can come up with a joint statement online. Apparently she won't talk to anyone but you."

Lando stayed silent, the only thing he really wanted was to close the door and return to the couch.

"We can't have another cheating scandal. McLaren will get involved," he pleaded once again in hopes of finally convincing Lando.

Deep breath. "Sure. Can I meet you at the lobby or somewhere in few minutes?" Lando caved in. A puzzled look flashed over his PR's manager, because usually Lando preferred to solve his crises in the comfort of his suite. The driver hoped no comment would come his way. After few seconds, the guy finally nodded.

"Understand, sure. I'll see if we can get the conference room."

He closed the door and tried to brace himself for any type of reaction Y/N might have. But deep inside he knew - seen it countless times. She abruptly got up, fixed her clothes, flashed him only one quick look before avoiding his face completely.

"Um, I'm gonna-"

"Yeah," he said, letting her pass by. The reality hit hard. She barely knew him. Somehow, the air got flooded with inescapable loneliness.

//

Y/N tried her best to follow her daily routine the following week. The memory of her running away from Lando's room like a little child chasing her like a nightmare. It was just so humiliating. The guilt, unjustified, was eating her up. She tried to stay away from social media, but her will was not strong enough. Late night scrolling included absorbing lot of Lando hate.

He also did his best to keep himself busy and focus on his job. If it had been any other person, he'd already be chasing Y/N down and try to reason with her, get this experience behind them and keep starting fresh. Perhaps he was lucky, that he knew her and if he's pushed immediately, she'd just hide even more.

He found himself on the track during free practice, constantly stealing glances over to the medical tents, just to get a glimpse of his guilt ridden soulmate. All he wanted to do was shake some sense to her. That evening he finally snapped. No more hiding. He was about to get creative.

So there he was, alone once again in a random hotel room in a city he barely remembered the name of, trying to get a hand of morse code. Something he never thought would be his issue, ever. It was a shot in the dark. Pinch a message into his arm and hoping she'd understand his intention. After all, she felt his pain, so he figured if he was annoying enough, she'd have no choice but to show up. Many curse words were uttered about the absurdity and difficulty of it all, before Lando got a hand of it. He opted to focus on the rhytmn and after he felt confident enough, abandoned tapping into a table and began pinching his left hand.

Let's talk. Room 1014. Please.

Over and over again. It was so incredibly annoying. But, he was going to persevere even if it meant having a bruise tomorrow.

After what felt like like seven thousand years - a knock on the door.

This was it, he thought as he opened the door to another annoyed person. She shot arrows from her eyes and he could not help but smirk. He won, she cracked the code.

"Now, let's get one thing clear. You are not going to use this trick outside of an emergency. Ok?" she opened with, having hard time to admit he won that round. It's been few days since they last locked eyes. She could practically sink in his. He just gave her a small nod, definitely not planning on misusing this ever again. Absolutely not.

"I'm glad you understood," he said and let her walk in. Was he nervous? That was probably the closest thing to describe it.

"I don't know the Morse code, so that made it super fun," she proclaimed and stopped in the middle of the living room, not sitting down on any of the chairs or couches.

"Me neither. But you better learn it, you never know..." he teased and walked dangerously close to her. She kept her gaze down.

She spoke before he could say any more cheeky lines. "So, I'm here. Anything specific you wanted to say that exceeded your ability of speaking in Morse code?" Her coldness hurt. However, he was not going to let her push him away so easily. "Y/N, this is not going to work on me. You can't push me away so easily, so just try and stop it. Please." Big gulp on her part followed by a light nod. "Good. Listen, I don't want to let this fizzle out so easily. It's hard to think about anything else once I've met you. I'm sorry about the whole break up mess. It's not fair to you. But, in my defense, I had no idea I'd just randomly be sat next to...you," he said, practically breathing out the last word.

She began walking frantically. "It's...um, it's a lot. Your world. And then the fact you seem to know things and are so far ahead in this game."

"It's not a game to me, Y/N," he said, watching her pace around the room.

She stopped by the bed and sat on it, finally able to look at him again. "Ok, bad word, but still," she paused and searched for the right words. "We have nothing to connect with...I mean nothing real."

Lando was not going to buy into doubts. His mind was set. Slowly, he walked towards her and sat next to her.

"Does it scare you? That you are tied to me basically against your will?" he asked the one thing he was afraid to hear the answer to. But he figured that the beginning was never suppose to be easy anyway.

"A little bit. Actually yes, it does," she said, in a strangely releaved tone and his heart sank just few stories lower. Lost in his own head, he nearly missed her giving up on sitting and landing on her back with a thud, eyes locked with the ceiling.

"I never liked being pushed into things. It's my life, I get to call the shots," she began to let her thoughts run freely.

"Choosing something that comes to you willingly does not have mean giving up your free will...I'd just like to at least give this a chance. I know already that I can't be your friend," he whispered, turned his look towards her and slowly lowered himself on his back as well, lost in his thoughts once again.

Lando's body laid still, but his heart was beating as if he was in the final quali lap. He had the advantage, drew the better card. Unique insight into another human's soul. Short cuts and few cheat answers for any test ahead of them. So why did it make him feel all the more lonely? He was reaching out, confused in the exact same capacity as she was, but she was not giving him much back. Yet. If was obvious. He was miles ahead of her, not thanks to his own doing. He could be there for her, but it would take some time and a lot of luck for her to be able to be there for her.

"Can you stay here? For the night?" he asked in a soft low voice, unable to hide his own vulnerability. "Not like, you know," he added immediately, hoping he comes off the least creepy as possible, "Just like this." Baby steps. He was praying for just that.

The body next to him also laid still in a very stiff manner, the exact opposite of relaxed. But the pull towards him was just too loud to resist. It was stronger than her. Curiosity tripped over the tiny fear inside her, grabbed the innate desire for human connection by the hand, and together opened the door for Lando to enter.

"Yes," she whispered, wondering if there is anything she wanted to add.

A small smile crept onto Lando's face. He got up and shit the light off. Both of them settled in a more relaxed pose, albeit still fully dressed. If by some miracle he manages to fall asleep, he will be waking up next to this magnificent, magical being for the first time. And hopefully not the last.

They laid next to each other, like the strangers they were, for few minutes, before she found her own little hand reaching out for his. Soft fingers mixed with his. At that moment, you could hear a pin drop. Lando's heart almost stopped, his breath caught in and resulted in gulp, too loud for the current setting. She could not help but smile and tried to hide it with pressing her lips together - even though it was dark night and both of them had their eyes closed. He mimicked her movements and traced her fingers as well. Every little place he touched burned with intoxicating intensity. He held her index finger lightly while she brushed up and down his thumb.

For the first time in years, Lando was careful. He'd rather lie next to her in silence than risking her wanting him to leave. The guilt from bruising her with his crash still hadn't left his mind. But when her hand crept more and more inside of his, he could not help but circle around it, until he was covering her hand completely. The air was still. Two scared souls discovering each other, tiptoeing around as if they were made of glass. Once Lando started drawing little circles on the palm of her hand, he finally felt her beginning to relax. He was still trying to get his mind wrapped around how the whole connection worked. Perhaps the more open she was to communicating with him, the more of a window he got. His next words slipped through without much of a thought.

"I've dreamt about you probably thousand nights."

Y/N could not recall the last time she heard a sentence that sounded so honest. Raw, it was almost childlike. She thought about her own countless nights when she slept alone and longed for a soul to crawl to. And also all those times she wasn't alone in the middle of the night, yet it still felt like eating someone else's dinner. The emptiness never truly filled. Hand never fitting someone else's like a well-fitted glove. Was there ever anyone who told her something like this before? Probably not. Of course not.

"I'm scared," she repeated.

"I know," he smirked for himself only. "I can feel it...But can you please tell me what's scaring you at this moment? I'd love to understand."

This time it was her who chuckled and squeezed his hand a bit. His heart once again beating so loudly he was scared she could hear it.

"I randomly meet this man, this devilisly handsome guy, who seems to know things I've never even told anyone, is hyperaware of my emotions as if they were his own...How am I suppose to resist this?"

"Why would you?"

"If we proceed with this, I am basically allowing you to become a weapon designed to destroy me. If, or more likely when, I fall for you...How can anyone else ever top that? If you decide that you're bored with me, I'll quite literally only be left with bruises."

He listened to every word as if it was a gospel and this time took a second to calculate his response. Lando opened his eyes to try and see a glimpse of her face in the dead of night, only to find her already looking at him.

"As far as I remember, you were always a part of my life. The one constant that does not leave," he said and licked his dry lips. If she was becoming vulnerable, he'd have to do the same. "If I fuck this up, if you decide that I am not worth spending time with and if you walk away...I'll still be left with the glimpses. I'll have to watch from afar, knowing you don't feel this. Funnily enough, you have the option to choose. I don't."

"And do you even want it? Would you-" she tried to continue with her question, but he interrupted her immediately.

"Of course. Hundred times over. I know you're scared, but I am scared too. Because there is a perfect piece of puzzle right in front of me and if I fuck it up, I am ruined for life."

She only saw a small reflection of light in his eyes, but that was enough to understand he was serious. Her shoulders relaxed and she let a breath she didn't know she had been holding, out.

"Well, good to know you are a dramatic person," she responded, trying to lighten up the mood.

It worked, his small smirk entered the chat again. "Yeah well, get use to it," he said with a new found confidence, tried his luck once more and scooted over to her just a little bit.

"Sorry, there was a hard spot in the matrace," he said cheekily and closed his eyes, trying to play it cute.

His body heat radiated towards her. "Of course, a hard spot in this top-of-the-world matrace," she questioned his argument with a smile, his magic getting her head-over-heels.

"Yes, I'll complain with to the staff tomorrow, these things can really fuck up your sleep, you know."

"So true. And what, have you solved it now?" Another door opened. Lando smiled.

"Still not perfect," he remarked, pretended to have a moment to think and finally scooted over and put his arm around her. "Yeah, this is the only way I'm afraid."

She was glad his eyes were closed, because her smile was impossible to hide. Both of them were fully aware there is no hard spot on the matrace. "Of course it is," she commented, as she settled down in his embrace.

Her face was now settled in crook of his neck, her uneven breaths leaving goosebumps on his skin. His light stubble teasing her forehead. Once again, Lando was overwhelmed just how well she fit in his embrace. He had to actively try and breathe regularly, because he was anxious about giving away just how much he was enjoying having her in his embrace. Her hand was pressed against his chest and Y/N had to fight every cell in her body, because the urge to explore his body was overcoming her. Lando shifted a bit, having to to try and find a spot where his belt wasn't pressing on his body in a way that hurt. Immediately, he felt a sudden wave of guilt coming from her and she bolted straight up. Had he fucked it all up? He cursed himself, he should have just pushed through it.

He forgot to take in the fact she felt his pain. "What's wrong?" he asked shyly, as he also sat up to match her moves.

She took a deep breath. "I don't want to seem like I'm suggesting something, but can we get out of our daily clothes? I hate sleeping like that." Who would like that anyway, was the thought that crept into Lando's mind, but he kept it for himself. "Sure, no problem."

"Do you have some t-shirt I could borrow?" she asked, turning on the light next to his bed, sitting with her back turned to him, perhaps trying to hide away. Lando tried his best not to get shaken up and loose his cool. This wasn't her running away and it was also not her suggesting anything.

"Of course," he said and got up to search up the best clean t-shirt her had. She took a deep breath as she tried not to stare, guessing by the sounds that he was getting undressed. But, as she did, she was happy he did not see her blush. Just like he did before, she forgot to take in account that he felt her sudden arousal and curiosity without having to look at her. For a change, he was happy he had his advantage. He peeked over to her, seeing her abrupt turn back. It was hard not to be amused by her.

"Here you go," he said as he strolled back over to her and handed her his t-shirt. "Don't worry, I won't look," he informed her and as the cheeky guy he was deep down, added his signature wink. "I'm sure there is an extra tooth brush in the bathroom, if you wanna join," he continued and walked over to the other side of the suite, hoping she was watching him walk around in boxers only.

Finally having some distance and a minute to contain herself, she carefully undressed, leaving on only her panties and his shirt on. Only then she noticed just how intoxicating his natural smell was. Knowing well enough she was doomed.

When Y/N finally joined him in the bathroom, he gave her the second toothbrush in silence and kept brushing his own teeth. It was refreshing seeing her in such an intimate setting. He tried as best as he could not to notice just how hot she looked in his t-shirt. Watching her in the reflection, he realized he never appreciated a moment like that with anyone else before. He smiled at her, because he could see her shy nature peeking through causing her hair behind her ear.

She was about to join him back in the bed when she saw him placed right in the middle of the bed, far from when was last time she approached him like that.

"It's the hard spot, there is no other way," he brushed over it nonchalantly and tucked himself in the bed. "Come on, here, here," he patted a spot next to him. In the dim light, with shadows only highlighting his toned chest, curly hair falling over to his eyes, innocent smile and opened arms, he was like a mystical creature created only to entrap Y/N. At least, that's how that felt. No way back.

She slipped in the bed with him, to the exact position as they were just minutes ago and turned of the light once again. This time, Lando was way more relaxed even Y/N noticed the difference. With each passing moment it was becoming less and less stiff or awkward. Comfort replacing natural stress of sharing a bed with a stranger for the first time. For a brief second, it was as if they'd done this every night before drifting off to sleep. Lando was happy to take things slow. Not expecting anything more. He was content with knowing she was not planning on leaving him there alone that night and that was enough. Not for Y/N. Her body was acting way before her mind could stop her. Her now warm fingers started drawing little stars on his exposed chest. It was peaceful. Until her finger moved a little lower. Another gulp from Lando. She felt him tightening his grip on her.

"Careful now...I might get the wrong idea," he breathed out for only her to hear.

Their lips were so riddiculously close, yet too far away. The only thing she wanted to do was kiss him. All restraint suddenly gone. But she needed to be sure - did he wanted to kiss her? If she dared to ask him, he'd laugh out loud at the obviousness of it all. Poor guy didn't notice her desire because he spent all of his energy trying to hide his.

She licked her lips. "Wrong idea...like sending me away?"

Loud sigh from Lando. "No..the wrong wrong idea," he whispered, being so close to her she could feel his soft breath, as he started to move his hard up her arm, under the t-shirt he gave her. She became very aware of the fact she was not wearing a bra, something Lando noticed the moment she came to the bathroom. His arm stopped momentarily at her shoulder. " Wrong idea that you want me to do this..." he continued moving his hand again, "...or this," reached up to her collarbone while pressing her closer to him with his other arm. "Or heaven forbid..." he whispered a question as his lips were nearly touching hers. Lando was too scared to make the first move, still afraid she might vanish into thin air.

She was brave enough to close the gap. "Or this." With that, she kissed him.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

@ushygushybaby

[suhnandmoon]

meet me in elwynn

chapter nine: written part below

pairing: lee heeseung x fem!reader

As the sound of shuffling backpacks died down and as your classmates filtered out of the lecture hall, you remained focused on the sleeping boy across the room.

You scoffed at his indifference extending to even the class’s dismissal. He truly could not have cared any less.

Stalking over to him reluctantly, you wiped the sweat forming on your palms onto your jeans before you lightly tapped his shoulder.

He shifted slightly for a few seconds before realizing where he currently was.

“..Sorry about last week.” You muttered, eyes trained to your feet as you apologized in shame. If you were to look up, you’d see the boy absolutely gawking at you as you picked the skin off your fingernails, waiting for his response.

“It’s okay. I’m still a little confused as to what I did though..” He laughed, causing your ears to perk up at the sound. It rang a little too.. familiar. You chalked it up to having to hear his annoying laugh after the class praised yet another one of his meaningless quips.

You took a better look at him. His wide eyes stared at you, awkwardly shifting from your own eyes to the fabric of your collar. You would find it cute if it wasn’t for your stored-up feelings of resentment towards him. He looked almost nervous; you couldn't help but feel guilty.

“I’m so sorry, again. I took out my anger on you last week. This professor hates me no matter how much effort I put in the class, but you– you’re always saying the most random bullshit and getting full credit for it.” You tried to conceal the hurt seeping through your tone. “I was supposed to ask you if you could ask the professor to go easier on me, but I understand if you don’t want to after last week.”

You were about ready to turn on your heel and leave the empty classroom when you heard a gasp and felt a pair of hands grab your shoulders to stop you.

“Y/N?” The boy incredulously asked, forcing your eyes to meet his. He was desperately scanning your face. Suddenly, it all clicked.

“Heeseung?”

prev / masterlist / next

taglist (open): @norihoyeon @jiiyen @sweetiejaeyun @celli-ohs @lunaritex

@heartedmessages @charlizefaye @heesexual74 @hawarun @hoonieyun

@toastybreadd @hoteldelyoona @blvengene @lolznoelle @honeychocos

@bee-the-loser @v4qhy @chengdugirl @honeybelleee @kiss4noo

@calumsfringe @junniesvoicecrack

(i currently have taglists for two different smau's out right now. if i ever put you on the wrong one, please correct me!!)

[thefaithfulnightwriter]

Dracontine - Masterlist

❝ She is very rare. She is what you call a Dracontine. Meaning she belongs to a dragon. But in her case, she does not belong to one but three. ❞

Summary - In which a young female hides who she truly is from everyone and stays to herself. Keeping to her chores as a servant. Staying hidden was her main task while taking care of her three dragon eggs that were bound to her. But many things change when she has to stay Under the Mountain with many others. What she didn't expect was that she would meet her mate. Who happened to be the powerful High Lord of Night Court. Then soon later on she would find she has another powerful mate. The Spymaster of Night Court who was a Shadowsinger. She soon finds herself having to break out of her shell with the help of her mates and their family. Along with finding out how to navigate two bonds with two powerful mates. Also, while taking the title as Dracontine. Being she is the one who belongs to not one but three dragons. All while trying to survive a war.

Pairing - Rhysand x Female!Oc/Mc/Reader x Azriel

Universe - pre acotar - acowar [it may go into an au after acowar not sure yet though]

Warnings - DRAGONS (yes that is a warning lol), Gore, Death, Characters may be a bit OOC, Mature Themes, Semi Smut, Violence, Language, Mention of Past Abuse, War, Things Will Be Changed, Fluff, Angst, Some Sensitive Subjects, Mating Bonds, Poly. Relationship MxFxM (Side Note - Rhysand & Azriel are in a relationship or are mates to my Mc they will not be together), More Will Be Added If Needed. (Please do not read if these are triggers)

Disclaimer - I do not own the series ACOTAR - ACOWAR. I do own certain characters, and I own my mc. I do own somethings that are made up. And i own my writing and whatnot you get where im going and what i am saying lol.

⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆

PART ONE - written

The Ending of the first Dracontine & the Birth of Another

───── chapter zero ─────

───── chapter one ─────

⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆

PART TWO - written

Pre - A Court of Thorns and Roses & Three Dragon Eggs

───── chapter two ─────

───── chapter three ─────

───── chapter four ─────

───── chapter five ─────

⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆

PART THREE - written

A Court of Thorns and Roses & Three Dragon Eggs

───── chapter six ─────

───── chapter seven ─────

───── chapter eight ─────

───── chapter nine ─────

───── chapter ten ─────

⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆

PART FOUR - still in the process of writing

A Court of Mist and Fury & Three Young Dragons

───── chapter eleven ─────

───── chapter twelve ─────

───── chapter thirteen ─────

───── chapter fourteen ─────

───── chapter fifteen ─────

───── chapter sixteen ─────

───── chapter seventeen ─────

───── chapter eighteen ─────

───── chapter nineteen ─────

───── chapter twenty ─────

PART FIVE - haven't gotten that far

A Court of Wings and Ruin & Three Fierce Dragons

Pending...

[bitethedevil]

Living with The Devil You Know (Raphael x Tav): Chapter 1

Chapter: one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen

Read this fic on AO3 (Link)

Fic Summary: Tav broke their agreement by handing the Crown of Karsus to Mystra instead of Raphael. Not only that, but she also robbed his house and killed his incubus. Raphael is patient and he is determined to get his revenge.

…Tav isn't too bothered. She will figure something out eventually. Until then she just has to find a way to live peacefully with a devil.

Chapter Summary: Tav gets kidnapped and is surprisingly calm about her new predicament. She spends her first night in the devil’s bed. Raphael is a pain in the ass to share a bed with.

(AN: A pretty self-indulgent fic that I am working on. It is a lot more light-hearted than what I have previously written. The plot also gives me an opportunity to explore a more private and less performative Raphael. There will be more chapters.)

Warning: NSFW

It was a couple of weeks after the defeat of the elderbrain. Tav had been out drinking with a few of her companions. She had gotten very drunk and at some point during the evening she had gotten lost from the rest.

A handsome young tiefling man had approached her and bought her drinks. He had red skin, yellow glowing eyes, and a disarming smile.

They talked for a couple of hours. He claimed to be a wizard like her. She should have known something was up when he seemed to be very unknowledgeable about even simple spells, but what could she say? The man was charming, and the alcohol made it hard for her to care about him potentially lying just to get her into bed.

When they got to his place, she was half-way out of her clothes when something hit her head.

Everything went black.  

When she woke up, she heard the faint sound of something...jingling? She felt a sharp poke to her ribs. She grumbled quietly, still not entirely awake. She received another poke to her ribs. She whined and mumbled in response. Then there was a full force kick that squeezed the air out of her and made her turn to her side.

She held onto the boot that had kicked her and opened her eyes. Black boots that went into a tip at the toes. She knew where she had seen those silly jingly boots before. She looked up. Familiar orange eyes looked down on her. He was in his cambion form.

“Oh shit,” she mumbled.

“Indeed,” Raphael said in a dangerously low tone.

Tav had signed his contract back then and used the Orphic Hammer to free Orpheus. She did intend to give the Crown of Karsus to Raphael, but her companions made her change her mind. The Crown of Karsus ended up in Mystra’s hands instead, in order to cure Gale of his orb.

“Thank you for bringing her here, Cassius,” Raphael said to someone else while his eyes were still locked on her. “Now leave us.”

Tav looked behind Raphael to see the young tiefling man that she had gone home with. So, he was a warlock… It suddenly made all the sense in the world why he did not know his ass from his elbow when it came to wizardry. The warlock smiled at her as he left them. Tav’s eyes narrowed at him.

“Ugh…” she groaned and looked up at Raphael. “He’s one of yours? You couldn’t have sent Korrilla or something?”

“You know Korrilla’s face, little mouse,” Raphael sighed. “You may not be the brightest person I have ever crossed, but I don’t expect you to be so dull that you would walk into my trap willingly…Then again, nothing would surprise me with you.”

Trap? Why couldn’t he just whisk her away like he did that first time they met if he wanted her there? Tav’s brow furrowed as she tried to understand. She lifted her head to look down her body. She wasn’t wearing a shirt. That was going to have to be a concern for a later time, because she noticed that she was wearing something around her wrists. They were tight metal cuffs with infernal letters inscribed in them.

Her brain was not her friend between the high levels of alcohol still in her blood and the fact that she had been hit on her head with a blunt object. She held the cuffs up to her face and studied them with all the concentration she could muster. She had seen something like these cuffs before…

“Help me out here…” she said and looked up at Raphael.

“They are constructs like those that held Prince Orpheus,” Raphael explained. “I’m aware that your mental capabilities leave something to be desired at the moment, so I will gladly explain it to you in simple terms: You won’t leave this house with those on, and you won’t get them off without the Orphic Hammer.”

“Is that what all this is about?” she sighed. “You could have just asked for it back. The damned thing has just been collecting dust at my house anyway.”

“No, Tav,” Raphael said in a darker tone. “This is about punishment. We had a deal, and you broke it. You snooped through my house, took things that did not belong to you, killed my incubus…I allowed it because I thought you still had the sense to go through with what we agreed upon.”

She winced. It had been a stupid decision to go to his house and one that did not even pay off. When Gale had been offered Mystra’s help, they went to the House of Hope to gauge their options. Everything seemed so tightly secured and locked down that they decided not to risk it in the end.

“Listen, I’m sorry about Haarlep…” she said.

“Don’t be,” Raphael replied smoothly. “I have half a mind to make you his replacement until your dear little friends bring me my hammer back…Then, I will make you watch as your friends die a cruel and slow death. After, I will take what is now rightfully mine: your soul.”

Well…fuck.

This wasn’t good. Her friends would without a doubt come to her rescue if Raphael told them that she was held captive in his home. She needed to keep them away and bide her time until she could figure out a solution.

“Say that they don’t come,” She said. “What then?”

“They will,” Raphael said. “You will be treated well until then since I need you alive and in one piece to lure them here. You will be granted free roam of the house, three meals a day, and a soft bed to sleep in. Consider yourself prized livestock that gets pampered in its final days before being sent to slaughter. Not that you deserve it…”

She took a deep breath. She had to somehow contact her friends and ask them to stay away. Then, she would have to find a way out of those damned cuffs so she could return home. How in the Hells she would manage to do that without the Orphic Hammer, she did not know, but it was not an option to gamble with her friends’ lives in order to bring it to her.

Tav had always found a way to be calm and relaxed, even in the worst of situations. She already had half a plan in her mind. All she needed was a moment of privacy to use a sending spell to alert her friends.

Raphael extended a hand to her, to help her up and off the floor. She took it and was pulled to her feet. She winced and held a hand to her head once the blood rushed to her injury from the blunt object hitting her.

“Come,” Raphael said and led her through the house.

They stepped through the barrier to the boudoir.

“I trust that you have already familiarized yourself with this room during your burglary, so I believe we can skip the tour,” Raphael said with no short amount of bitterness and then gestured to a wardrobe. “You will find clothes and essentials in there.”

Raphael turned around to face her. He looked her up and down. His gaze lingered at her bra and cleavage for just a second too long. Tav crossed her arms to cover herself.

“Bathe, rest, make yourself at home,” Raphael said with a smug smile.

Tav looked around the room and then at Raphael.

“Where will I sleep?” she asked.

Raphael’s smile widened and he gestured to his bed. Tav’s brow furrowed as her eyes went from him to the bed.

“Are you serious?” she asked.

“Deadly,” Raphael said calmly. “You killed my bed warmer. I believe it’s only fair that you take their place…Of course, I would never force you to do anything. If this little arrangement doesn’t suit you, I can have a cell in the dungeons cleared out for you. Its last visitor has been decomposing in there for a while now…”

“Alright, alright,” Tav said in defeat. “Fine. I get it…I won’t complain.”

“I thought not,” Raphael said smoothly. “I have business to attend to before retiring. Until then, Korrilla will be watching you.”

Tav sighed. She had hoped for a moment of alone time, but Raphael was not stupid. He was probably fully counting on her trying something, so he made sure to keep a close eye on her.

Korrilla entered the boudoir shortly after.

“Evening, boss,” Korrilla said with a smile, greeting Raphael before turning to Tav. “Tav.”

Tav smiled and waved casually at her. She had never minded Korrilla. After all, Tav did not know the circumstances of her pact, and she did not feel like judging her solely because her boss was a pain in the ass.

“Remember,” Raphael said addressing Korrilla. “Do not let her out of your sight.”

Korrilla nodded and Raphael gave Tav one last glance before leaving the boudoir.

Tav and Korrilla stood in silence for a moment, looking at each other. Tav was trying to figure out how she could divert Korrilla’s attention away from her.

“I think I’m going to take a bath,” Tav said casually and moved towards the restoration pool.

“Good idea,” Korrilla said, already following her. “I have to say, you look a mess. Cassius really did a number on you, didn’t he?”

“Yes. Surely, he could have used a spell to knock me out instead. Not too bright, is he?” Tav said and started slowly taking off her clothes, waiting for Korrilla to give her a moment of privacy. “He’s new, I presume?”

Korrilla seated herself on the other side of the pool, so she had a clear view of Tav.

“Correct,” Korrilla answered.

“'Correct' to which statement?” Tav asked with chuckle. “That he is not too bright, or that he is new?”

“He is new,” Korrilla said with a smile that signaled to Tav that she did not disagree with the other statement either.

Tav pulled off her pants, leaving her in her underwear. Korrilla was still watching her.

“Are you seriously going to keep staring at me while I bathe?” Tav asked.

“Oh, don’t be shy,” Korrilla said and gestured for her to continue taking off her clothes. “I promise you that no matter what, I have seen far worse within this room.”

Tav sighed quietly. She reluctantly took off the rest of her clothes and slipped into the warm water of the pool. She felt relief as the water instantly healed her head-injury and took the edge off her hangover. Tav leaned her head back on the pool’s edge and closed her eyes for a moment.

After a long bath, Tav dried herself off and wrapped herself in a towel. She walked to the wardrobe with Korrilla at her heels. She opened it and sifted through the clothes.

There was a bit of everything: dresses, shirts, pants…Tav looked at some of the underwear. She pulled out a strappy leather bra with matching panties and showed them to Korrilla.

“Is he serious?” Tav asked with a deadpan expression.

“Leftovers from Haarlep, if I should guess,” Korrilla said.

Made sense. Tav looked after any type of nightclothes. Most of it was very revealing, but she managed to find a long silk night-gown. It was still suggestive, but it was her best option out of the bunch. The neckline was quite revealing, but at least it covered more of her body than the other negligees she found.

“This will have to do,” Tav sighed and put it on.

Tav crawled into bed after. It might have been the most comfortable bed she had ever laid in. The mattress was neither too soft nor too firm, and the sheets were silk. She felt sleepy moments after she had laid down. Korrilla was watching her from a chair.

“You’re not sleepy?” Tav asked and looked at her. Was there even a small chance that Korrilla would fall asleep so that Tav had the chance to send message to her friends, she would fight her sleepiness and stay awake.

“I’m not going to cuddle with you, if that is what you are asking,” Korrilla answered, looking wide awake. “I don’t sleep on the job.”

“Oh, you flirt. Not what I meant. I was just asking,” Tav mumbled with a sigh. Her sleepiness won against her determination. She gave up on her hope to reach her friends that night and decided to try the day after as she drifted to sleep.

She stirred from her sleep when she heard Korrilla leave, and Raphael enter. She yawned quietly. She made sure her night-gown was adjusted so it covered as much as possible before closing her eyes again. She felt a dip in the mattress as Raphael laid down behind her.

She gave a surprised yelp as Raphael grabbed around her waist and pulled her closer to him. Her back was up against his chest, his arm held around her tightly, and he settled his chin on the top of her head. He placed his leg over hers, effectively making sure that she could not move during the night.

This was without a doubt the closest she had ever been to Raphael. His skin was unnaturally warm, like that of a person with a high fever. She knew that protesting would not get her anywhere, because there most likely was a reason as to why he held her like that: to make sure that she would not try anything during the night.

She tried making herself comfortable despite the restrictions to her movements. Raphael’s grip tightened slightly in response.

“Lie still,” he grumbled.

Tav felt the deep rumble of his voice through his chest, and she would have been lying if she said that it did not do things to her.

“You’re a really uncomfortable big spoon, do you know that?” she complained and squirmed again. “I’m just trying to make myself comfortable.”

She felt something through the fabric of her nightgown as she adjusted her position in his arms. It made her freeze for a moment.

“Are you naked?” she asked in disbelief.

“Mm,” he affirmed tiredly. “Sleep, mouse.”

“I can’t persuade you to put on some clothes?”

“You are very demanding for a woman in your position,” Raphael said. “No. I will sleep in my own bed as I please.”

She sighed and adjusted herself one last time before closing her eyes.

Sleeping in the arms of a devil was pure hell for a multitude of reasons. Tav had never sweated so much in her life.

With difficulty, Tav rolled over to her other side since her back was literally soaked with sweat. Raphael’s grip was so tight around her that she was almost forced to lean her head against his chest as she faced him. She refused to do so and leaned her head back and away from him. The awkward position made her snore softly in her sleep. She was rudely woken during the night by his tail hitting her thigh, as a hint for her to stop snoring.

She was rudely woken yet again, when he suddenly snaked his arm under her to grab her and move her with him like a ragdoll as he rolled over to his other side.

In the early morning, Tav opened her eyes as she felt something press up against her behind. She could hear on his breathing that he was still at least somewhat asleep.

He was rock-hard and his, what felt like, impressive size was resting against her ass.

He rolled his hips against her and groaned softly.

The arm that had been holding her tightly, moved down to her hip to push her back against him. Another soft groan.

Tav’s eyes widened, and she was suddenly very awake.

She was careful not to move, but she did feel a tinge of growing arousal despite herself.

He pushed her back against him once again and groaned slightly louder. It was followed by a sharp inhale and a stir, as he woke up entirely.

A few moments later he got up and off the bed.

Tav squeezed her eyes shut. They had both knew what just happened. Should she say something? Should she pretend that she was asleep the entire time? Pretend she was dead? The last option was honestly tempting but she decided to try her luck with option two.

She listened to his movements. After a short while, it got quiet. She waited a few moments to be sure that he had left, before opening her eyes.

This could be her opportunity to reach her friends.

She sat up quickly and looked around the boudoir. Her eyes fell on the young tiefling warlock who must have entered without her hearing a thing. He was sitting in the chair that Korrilla had sat in the day before.

“Morning,” Cassius said with a smile.

Tav groaned in frustration and slid back into bed.

[totheblood]

begging for rain. (two)

󠁐# TWO; the more you break

PAIRING: ex!ellie williams x nextdoorneighbor!reader

SUMMARY: moving to a new town can be tough, especially as you are trying to hold everything in your life together. after you meet ellie, your life completely changes, but for the better? well that's still up in the air

WARNINGS: mentions of death, grief, related subjects; cursing, mentions of drinking/drugs, mentions of s*x,

WORD COUNT: 3.1k

A/N :new chapter yay!! okay so like i'm setting a lot of stuff up and i know that so annoying and frustrating but i really need to paint a picture of dynamics so i hope u enjoy. AI AUDIOS AT THE END ! please please please like and reblog/reply/send asks, comments, the whole nine yards… it is so appreciated!

READ CHAPTER ONE HERE!!

TWO YEARS AGO

The first day of school went okay.

Inside the hallways, students pushed past each other, sweaty bodies mixing and mingling into a tangled mess. Blue lockers were lined up against the walls, many of them open as students shoved heavy textbooks inside them from their backpacks. 

Ellie pushed past them like she was used to it, a ratty leather backpack hanging off her shoulder. Occasionally, she would look behind her to see if you were still following her. You always were. 

You didn’t quite know where you were going. You knew your locker number was tucked deep inside your bag and whenever Ellie stopped at her locker was when you were going to pull it out and ask her to show you where it is. However, you were now feeling like you were slightly stalking Ellie and there was some truth to her words. When Ellie stopped at her locker, Locker 2094, she looked at you for only a moment before she was undoing the built-in lock. 

“You know you can’t follow me all day,” she said dryly, lock clicking open and her locker door almost hitting you in the face. You decided it was time for you to get your locker number, pulling your bag to the front and unzipping the front pocket where your locker number and lock combination was written on a crumpled-up pink post-it note. 

“I’m not following you, Ellie,” You rolled your eyes, unraveling the post-it note, “I was just waiting for a good time to find this.”

“And what is that?” She gave you a weird look and shoved a textbook in her locker, then another. 

“My locker number,” You said simply, looking at the number and chuckling to yourself.

“What’s so funny?” She wasn’t looking at you anymore, just fishing around in her bag for anything she may have had to put in her locker. 

“This is my locker,” You patted the one right next to Ellie’s, right where you were standing to the left of her, “Locker 2093.”

Ellie chuckled dryly again, closing her locker and leaning up against it as she watched you struggle to put your lock combination in, “You’ve taken this stalker thing too far.”

With a click, it popped open, empty and barren. You opened your bag and shoved the one textbook you had inside your locker, a smile planted on your face, “Yes, I’ve just been so obsessed with you since I saw you for the first time yesterday that I called the school district and got my locker to be next to yours.”

“Aha! So you admit it!” Ellie laughed, picking at her fingernails as she looked around the hallways, looking for familiar faces. A group of them walked up, all laughing and talking with each other as they circled Ellie around your locker. 

“Hey, El,” a girl said, causing you to look up at her. She was pretty, too pretty. She had her black hair tied up in a ponytail, her skin was olive and slightly tanned, and she had some sun spots scattered across her face, pooling in a center near her nose. Next to her was a slightly taller and much paler girl with black hair cut right above her shoulder, the jagged and uneven edges indicating she cut it herself. Behind them, a much taller guy, with longer black hair and a kind face stood. He smiled at you, and you offered him a kind smile back. Be nice, you cursed, you’re here to make friends, you reminded yourself.

“Hey Dina,” Ellie smirked, leaning back against her locker and looking at the group, “I see your hair is already growing back, Cat,” Ellie reached forward to play with the edges of Cat’s hair before she swatted Ellie’s hands away from her and scoffed.

“You fucked up my hair and you know that,” Her tone of voice was playful at most, evidenced by the wide grin on her face. She was insanely pretty even with her hair all fucked up. You didn’t know why but it made your stomach churn. “Are you going to introduce us to your new friend, Ellie?”

Your eyes widened and darted to Ellie and then to the group, hoping embarrassment wasn’t written all over your face. 

“This is Y/n,” Ellie smiled at you, jumping slightly when you slammed your locker shut, “She’s my new neighbor and stalker.”

“Hey!” You rolled your eyes, a smile still on your face, “I am her neighbor, but I’m not a stalker.”

“Ellie’s just too full of herself. Ignore her,” The girl in the ponytail stepped a little closer and extended a hand, “I’m Dina.”

You shook her hand, mumbling a ‘nice to meet you’ before shifting awkwardly and retracting your hand. The guy in the back raised his hand slightly and smiled at you, “I’m Jesse.” 

“Nice to meet you, Jesse,” you then looked at the last girl waiting for her to introduce herself. When she didn’t speak, you took it upon yourself to ask, “And sorry, I didn’t catch your name.”

“It’s Cat,” she responded flatly. Her tone was a little icy, but you weren’t sure if you were just feeling insecure or she was actually trying to snub you. 

“Well, it’s nice to meet you,” a nervous breathy laugh fell from your lips and you tightened your grip on your backpack strings, “It sucks moving senior year so I’m glad to make some new friends.”

“Why did you move senior year?” Cat spoke up finally, “You’re not like a psycho bitch that got kicked out of her last school?” 

“Cat!”

“C’mon, Cat!” Dina and Ellie chimed in at the same time in your defense. You were admittedly thrown off by the comment but, yet again, you made an excuse for her. Maybe she was just curious. Or maybe she wanted to protect herself and her friends. 

“What? I want to know,” she defended herself. 

“It’s okay, it’s okay,” you laughed, giving her a smile. Be nice, your head rang once again. “It’s a valid question. But, no, uh, my dad died and we couldn’t afford to live where we were living anymore.”

Her smug smile fell, and instead, it was laced with empathy or more importantly pity. You hated it. Your newfound ability to ruin the moment. A moment that was supposed to be sweet. A fresh start. Already, you had clouded the new with your past.

“I- I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to force you to say that or anything,” Cat apologized and it sounded genuine. It felt genuine. 

“It’s totally okay. I’m fine, I’m mostly over it anyways,” That was a bold lie. You were nowhere close to over it but you couldn’t help but want them to like you. To think you were totally normal and carrying no baggage. 

“No, it’s not okay,” Ellie spoke up again, shooting a glance to Cat, that made her scoff and roll her eyes. 

“I said I was sorry,” Cat shrugged, “What more do you want from me?” 

“Maybe don’t call people ‘psycho bitches’ when you first meet them,” Ellie stood up straighter, crossing her arms over her chest and Cat glanced at you again, colder this time. 

“You’re unbelievable, Ellie,” She was looking at Ellie again, shooting daggers at her. You were unsure what was going on so you glanced at Dina and Jesse for help. All Dina did was slightly shake her head, a subtle way of telling you to not get involved. 

“I’m unbelievable?”

“Yes! You’re unbelievable! Scolding me in front of people like I’m your fucking child or something,” Cat was getting irritated and it showed itself in her face. She had one of those faces that couldn’t hide what she was feeling.

“Then don’t act like a child,” Ellie said simply, causing Cat to let out a huff and turn around, push past Jesse, and leave the group. Ellie closed her eyes and leaned her head back against the locker, letting out a heavy sigh, “I should go after her. Can you guys help her to her first class?”

Dina nodded quickly before shooing Ellie off with her hand, “Go, go! It’s fine.” Ellie took one look at you and offered a smile that said ‘I’m sorry’. What she actually said was: “Meet me by my car at the end of the day. I’ll take you home.” 

With that Ellie disappeared into the sea of people until she was no longer in sight. 

“What was that?” you asked Dina and Jesse. 

“Trust me,” Dina looked at you, “You don’t want to know.”

-

Your first class was English with Mrs. Porter. She made you stand at the front of the classroom and introduce yourself. Jesse was in this class with you and when you were done giving a brief introduction to yourself he loudly clapped and cheered. The gesture made you smile and eased some of the tension you were feeling. 

A few people followed him, by cheering and offering you a high five as you moved back to your seat. Everyone seemed to be enamored by him. During class, people would send him notes on little Post-it notes, he would open them, laughing as he read them and wrote some messages back to them. It was subtle, but you could tell he opened up a room. 

At lunch you walked into the large cafeteria, looking around for a place to sit. You were sure you looked like a lost dog as you wandered around because a girl with long brunette hair walked up to you with a smile on her face. She was pretty and dressed in a button-up and plaid skirt. It felt too formal for school.

“Hey, you’re new, right?” She asked.

“Uh, yeah.”

“I’m Ingrid,” She looked you up and down, “do you need a place to sit?”

“Y/n!” your name was being called from a familiar voice, causing you to snap your head in that direction to see Ellie standing up and waving her hand in the air, “Come sit with us!”

“Oh, I’m just going to sit with,” You pointed to the table where Ellie was still standing and staring intently at you, “my friends.”

Ingrid’s smile fell as she shot a glance toward the table. You were obviously missing something. You turned to move towards the table before the girl gripped your arm firmly. 

“Wait, I didn’t catch your name,” That smile was back. 

“Y/n,” you told her.

“Y/n,” she repeated, “Pretty name.”

“Thanks,” you scratched the back of your neck, “Well, I’ll see you around.” You quickly rushed to the table, confused about the interaction once again. This place was fucking weird.

You sat down next to Ellie who was laughing at something Cat said. Cat’s eyes sparkled when she looked at Ellie. Brown and glossy as she laughed with Ellie, shaking her head. Her cheeks were slightly pink and she reached over to grab an apple slice out of Ellie’s lunchbox. When Ellie looked back at Cat her eyes didn’t sparkle in the same way that Cat’s did. They were verging on dull, but the corner of Ellie’s eyes still had wrinkles as she smiled. 

“Hey!” She grabbed the apple from Cat’s hand, “Get your own apples.” 

“Yours just taste better,” she giggled, smiling at you as you sat down, “Hey, how was your first day?”

She was being much nicer and her energy was much calmer. It was obvious she and Ellie had made up in the time from this morning to now, but you also had to wonder if Ellie told her to be nicer to you. 

“It’s going well,” You shrugged, pulling out the brown bag your mom had packed for you, “I’m still getting used to everything.” 

“You’ll get the hang of it,” Ellie commented, taking another bite of her apple, “Hey, what did Ingrid want?”

“Oh,” You looked over to Ingrid’s table where she was chatting and eating with a group of people, “She just asked me if I wanted to sit with her.”

Dina, who was sitting across from you, practically choked on her food as she laughed. Cat was also laughing to herself as she raised her eyebrows, and looked down at her food. Jesse had a small smile on his face as he took another chip from his bag and took a loud bite. The only person who wasn’t laughing was Ellie, who gave a brief glance at Ingrid’s table before looking back at you. 

“Am I missing something?” 

“No, it’s just,” Ellie started, taking a deep breath and wondering how much she wanted to explain, “be careful with her. She’s…”

“Friendly,” Dina finished Ellie’s sentence, a smirk on her face. Obviously, friendly didn’t mean friendly but you didn’t know what that meant. 

“Do you like girls?” Cat asked bluntly. 

“Cat,” Ellie warned again, making Cat drop what she was eating and roll her eyes. 

“We need to know if we want to warn her,” She stated simply. 

“Like romantically?” You asked, making everyone giggle again. You felt like you were missing a joke. 

“Yeah, romantically,” Cat answered. 

“Oh, yeah,” You looked around to see everyone’s reactions. You ignored the way Ellie’s cheeks tinged pink, “is that a… problem?”

“No,” Cat said flatly, her tone was cold again, “we all like girls.”

“Oh,” you said, taking out your sandwich from the ziplock bag and taking a bite. 

“Let’s just say that Ingrid has been friendly with all of us,” Dina said, throwing a piece of popcorn at Jesse, “including Jesse.”

“At this point, initiation into this group should require hooking up with Ingrid,” Cat laughed.

“No,” Ellie said almost too fast, causing Cat to give her a confused look, “I can’t deal with another person getting convinced that Ingrid wants to be in a relationship with them. Plus, I can see into her room from mine. What if I look over and see Ingrid’s tits.”

“Nothing you haven’t seen before,” Cat said bitterly. There was that tension again.

“Well, I don’t really think I want to be involved with anyone anyways,” you mentioned, taking another bite. 

“Why not?” Ellie questioned, eyes boring a hole into the side of your face. 

“It’s just too complicated,” You shrugged, taking a sip of your water, “I’m new and it’s hard enough making friends, I don’t need anything messing that up.”

Ellie swallowed hard, and took another bite of her apple, just nodding at what you said like she understood. 

“Well, now you have friends,” Dina spoke up, dissipating some of the tension. You took another bite, smiling with the food tucked into your cheeks. 

-

As the day ended you went back to your locker to collect your stuff, expecting Ellie to be at hers, but she wasn’t there. You paid no mind to it as you opened your locker. However, inside sat a note, a yellow Post-It note that looked like it had been crumpled up a few times. On it, it read: “Couldn’t stop looking at you all day. Hope this isn’t weird, you’re just so beautiful. I hope I can get the courage to say it to your face. - your secret admirer”

Normally, this would have made you feel good about yourself. A random stranger thinks you are beautiful? Yea, that would boost anyone’s ego. Except this stranger knew your locker number and had admitted to watching you all day. A weird pit formed in the bottom of your stomach as you stuffed the note in your bag, knowing you would ruminate on it sometime later. Quickly, you packed up your stuff and made your way to the parking lot.

There, Ellie was leaning against her car, phone in hand. She was so focused on what she was typing that she didn’t even notice you walking up to her. 

“Hey, ready to go?” You spoke, causing her to look up and smile at you. 

“Yeah,” She shrugged, before pausing a moment, green eyes scanning your face, “what’s wrong? Did something happen?”

You let out a nervous laugh as you shook your head.

“What? I’m fine.”

“You look weird.”

“Thank you?”

“Not like that,” she stopped you, putting her hands up, ”You just look upset but I don’t know you that well so I could be wrong.”

“You are wrong,” you grumbled, heading to the passenger side and hopping in the car. Ellie just scoffed, rolled her eyes, and got in the driver's seat. 

“Well fuck me for caring then,” she mumbled to herself, starting the engine.

“It’s not-” you stopped yourself, taking a deep breath, “It’s just been a long day, I’m sorry if I was rude. I didn’t mean anything by it.”

She paused for a moment as if you had said something wrong, then she looked at you, green eyes scanning your face once more. She looked shocked, surprised almost. It was all so confusing.

“It’s fine, I’m just being an asshole,” She laughed, turning back to the road and putting the car in reverse, “My day was long too.”

“Want to talk about it?” 

“It’s,” She turned down the music so she could speak, “Cat.”

“Are you guys a thing?” You crossed your hands in your lap and absentmindedly played with your fingers.

“It’s complicated,” she sighed, heading out onto the open road, “Kind of, but it’s not really official.”

“Why?”

“I can’t commit.”

“Oh,” you looked over at her and watched her nose scrunch slightly like she was uncomfortable with the conversation, “I could sense the tension today.”

“She’s just…” Ellie made a weird movement with her head, “like that.”

“Why can’t you commit?”

“We’ve had our issues in the past,” Ellie shrugged, “at the end of the day I just can’t trust her and I can’t date someone I don’t trust.”

“You guys just seem so close,” you mentioned eyes drifting to the road again, the trees, and all the storefronts you had yet to explore. 

“We are, and she’s a good friend,” Ellie coughed, “a little protective, but good. But romantically, I don’t really trust her. She swears she only wants me but I don’t know if I believe that.”

“Damn,” You laughed. Ellie looked over at you and laughed too. The air in the car was much lighter now.

“Yeah, I just don’t know how much of it I can do this year,” Ellie’s smile fell, as she approached her house, “but you didn’t ask all of that. I’m sorry I overshared.”

“Shut up, you didn’t overshare,” you laughed, unbuckling as Ellie pulled into her driveway, “and I did ask.”

“Well, thanks for listening, anyways,” Ellie smiled as she looked at her door and then back at you, “do you want to come in and do homework together? Joel’s not gonna be home till late.”

“I’d love that.”

ai audios:

[jasontoddiefor]

every once in a while I think back to a fanfic I read in 2015. in retrospect, it wasn’t all that well written, but it was penned by teenagers in love with their story and the story loved me back.

They main character was trans and a central theme of the story was the length of his hair. I read the first chapter the day it was published, almost certainly searching through the trans character tag. It was October, another two months to the date I would cut my hair - the day before Christmas, I walked out of the hair salon as though I’d already received all the gifts I could possibly want.

I loved my short hair, the buzz at my neck, running my fingers through short strands and have the hair fall from them after lifting them just a few centimeters.

Three years later, I decided to grow my hair out again. For my family, mostly, I think now, as a test, to me and to them.

My aunt said it felt like spite, dangling my hair in front of them, threatening to cut it off again as though to punish them.

I did cut it off again.

I think I failed my own test. I know my family did.

For the first time in nine years my hair has grown past my shoulders, that imaginary line by which I measured someone’s love. My own, probably.

Fourteen years ago I cut my hair for the first time in my life. It used to reach down to my knees, and tangled at every opportunity. I remember being so exhausted, long before I realized what was actually weighing me down.

I miss that little girl sometimes. I hope she forgives me.

But this post is not about her, not yet. Maybe not ever. She’s asleep in her Playmobil castle and princess bed and I don’t know how to wake her yet.

This is about a story posted in 2015. The last time it was updated was 2017, it was never finished.

I don’t ever need it to be finished. All I need is for it to remain there, with its title, the reminder of don’t let your hair past your shoulders, and the comment I wrote in 2015. I hope this story knows I love it still, and that somewhere, sometime, another boy learns that it’s okay. That your hair can grow again. That you do not need to hate it.

The authors of that story have vanished, I can’t find any of them anywhere, but I hope that my last comment, left now nearly a decade later, has reached them. That they know how grateful I was for giving me something to hold on when I need it, for allowing me to be seen when I couldn’t stand looking in the mirror.

That even now, so may years later, looking back at their writing with - perhaps - embarrassment for leaving it unfinished like that, having written the kind of stories only high schoolers would, they will know it means the world to someone.

[ahgasegotarmy116]

He Doesn't Deserve You | A Jeon Jungkook Series | Chapter Nine

Summary: The morning after has a bit of a rude awakening but he's not gonna let that get between the two of you Pairing: Noona reader x Jeon Jungkook (She's 28 and he's 22) Word Count: 2.4k~ Warnings: Hinting at smut but yeah not in explicit detail. a/n: Okay so I didn't realize I already had half of this chapter written so I finished it up today. I hope you guys enjoy and are looking forward to the next chapter 🤭 p.s. not edited at all cuz I'm feeling lazy today and I've got stuff to do 😅 Start from the beginning

My eyes flutter open when I start to stir awake and the first think I notice is the strong arm around my waist and the soft puffs of air fanning my neck giving me a ticklish sort of feeling. I try to bring my brain up to speed and remember what happened last night and when I take a peek under the blankets and see the tattoos on the arm around me I know that I'm safe. 

"Noona?" he mumbles behind me and I hum to let him know I'm listening. "Good morning" he say, the deep tone of his voice now sending shockwaves through my system and when he pulls me closer to him I let out a quite yelp in response feeling utterly mortified when he chuckles, kissing my shoulder and nuzzling into my neck. 

"Did you sleep well?" he asks and I nod my head, "Better than I have in a really long time actually" I admit and he continues to place a few lazy kisses on my neck. "Really did a number on you last night huh?" he smiles against my skin and I scoff and try to get out of bed but he tightens his hold on me before I can get too far. 

"Where are you going?" he asks, continuing to pepper kisses all along my neck and shoulder, making me lose any sort of motivation I had to leave the bed just a few seconds ago. "Breakfast?" I say and he chuckles before putting me on my back and hovering over me with a cunning look in his eye. 

"I was about to have mine so why don't you just relax yeah? Wanna make you feel good" he says, kissing me and caressing my waist making me give in with little protest. "What time is it?" I asks between kisses and he glances at the clock on my nightstand. "Early" he says, clearly showing he has no where to be except for right here in this bed with me.

"You don't have work?" I ask, knowing he's pretty busy with everything he has going on in his life. "Not till later" he says and goes back to kissing me and because I don't have anywhere else to be either I give in.

He kisses his way down my body, garnering soft sounds of pleasure from my lips already and I can tell that it gives him a sense of confidence, making him want to keep going even more. 

"Didn't know you would sound so sweet in the morning Noona" he teases and I chuckle. "Didn't know you would be so needy in the morning" I retort and he smirks and continues his down ward trail until he settles between my legs. 

"You sure I'm the one that's needy?" he asks, staring at my center and seeing how undoubtably wet I am. "It's your fault" I grumble and he chuckles "Good because I'm the only one who's gonna make you wet like this from now on yeah?" he asks, kissing the inside of my thigh and biting down on it when I don't answer, hypnotized by the sight in front of me.

"Only you" I respond and he smiles against my skin, licking the spot he had just bit before going on and doing the same to my other thigh, still taking his time and making sure I'm dripping for him.

~~~~

After he's thoroughly ravished me and gone another round...or two I'm left in a slumped daze, glassy eyed and ready to pass out again but it's well past ten in the morning and we still haven't left the bed yet. 

"I forgot that younger guys have a higher sex drive" I mumble and he laughs, his head on my chest while I run my fingers through his hair, "You keep calling me young but we're only six years apart" he replies drawing patterns on my skin but I sit up making him roll onto his back and look up at my clearly confused expression. 

"You're twenty two?" I say in disbelief, clearly misjudging his age. "Yeah I thought you new that" he says, resting on his forearms. "How old did you think I was?" he asks and I run my fingers through my hair, having some what of a crisis at the thought of this. 

"I don't know twenty four, twenty five. But twenty two? You seem so mature though and with all the tattoos and piercings I just thought you would've been a little bit older. Not older than me but still at least a little older" I say and the room falls silent for a bit, the tension palpable and this time not in a good way. 

"Is my age gonna be a problem for you?" he asks, getting worried now that he's seeing the way I'm reacting to it, the silence and the somewhat distressed look on my face being a clear sign that something isn't right. 

"Well no it's just...Jungkook I'm gonna be turning twenty nine this year" I say and he nods his head. "I know, and I'm turning twenty three" he says, trying to make light of the situation but I'm still worried that he might be a little in over his head. 

"I'm a married, well about to be a divorced woman and I don't really want to be playing games anymore when it comes to finding a partner" I say and he nods his head, listening and not jumping in to argue which just shows another reason as to why I thought he was older. 

"I'm not interested in getting into a casual relationship and even though I'm going to be coming out of this traumatizing marriage, if I'm going to be in a relationship with someone then I need to know that they're going to be serious about us" I say and trail off, not really knowing what else to say. 

"I am serious about us" he says, sitting up and cupping my face, not giving me a chance to shut him out. "Jungkook you're still young. You have your whole life ahead of you and I don't think you wanna be tied down to a divorced woman who is honestly really unstable right now. And on top of that is about to have a psycho ex husband" I say, looking down at my lap, feeling bad that I let him get so close to me. 

"Don't do that" he says and I look up at him again, "Do what?". "Think about how to let me down easy and tell me you're sorry you let things go this far" he says and I can't argue that that was where my mind was about to wander. 

"I know our age difference, I know about your soon to be ex husband and I know that you're not healed yet. I promise you, I've thought about this a lot before ever allowing myself to get too close to you" he says, his tone level and face desperate for me to not leave him when we've only just started. 

"You don't have to say anything now, but I want you to know you're not getting rid of me that easily" he says with a sad smile, nervous that I might actually try to push him away but when he makes moves to get up I grab his wrist. 

"Where are you going?" I ask, my voice in a panic, not wanting to leave things this tense between us. "Breakfast? Or do you wanna shower first?" he asks, getting back onto the bed and guiding me back down, him now peppering kisses along my already thoroughly  marked neck, no doubt a conscious effort to hide the bruises from Taehyung. 

"I think I'll s-shower" I stutter and when he smiles against my skin and picks me up I quickly have to correct him. "Alone...is that okay?" I ask, a sign of the need for approval being something concerning for him rather than cute. 

"You don't have to ask for my permission Noona, especially for something like this. I respect your wants and boundaries so if you wanna shower by yourself that's your decision" he explains and places me down on my feet before turning on the water for me to warm it up. 

"Although I won't deny it when I say I'll miss you...but I'll take one later" he says with what I would call an adorable smile if he wasn't standing in front of me completely naked, having fucked me senseless at least four or five times in less than twelve hours...I've lost track at this point.

He places a hand on my bare waist and places a kiss on my forehead before leaving to give me space. 

When I come out of the bedroom, completely dried off except for my towel dried hair I find him wandering about my kitchen and making us some ramen for breakfast...well lunch since he kept me in bed for so long.

He notices my presence after I had been standing there for a while, looking up at me and smiling softly. I can't even remember the last time someone has looked at me like. 

"Did you have a nice shower?" he asks, taking the ramen off the stove and bringing it over to the table, placing a hot dish under to prevent the table from getting ruined. "Yeah, it was warm" I say, wrapping my arms around myself when I catch a sudden chill which he notices pulls me in, wrapping me in his warmth for a second before letting me go and leading me over to the table. 

"Let's eat before it gets soggy" he says and I nod, agreeing and taking a seat while he goes around to the other side so he can sit across from me. 

"What time do you have work?" I ask after we've eaten in a comfortable silence for a while. "Why? Are you trying to get rid of me?" he says after he's finished chewing, taking a drink of water and sitting back a bit, shamelessly checking me out for absolutely no apparent reason other than to make me nervous. 

"No, I just wanted to know since you said you didn't have to work until later" I roll my eyes, taking a drink of water and standing up to pour the rest of the unused broth down the drain. "I technically don't have work but it might as well be work" he says making me glance over at him suspiciously, wordlessly asking him to explain. 

"I have to watch my siblings tonight since my mom is working the late shift" he explains and I nod my head, still so curious about them since he hasn't told me much about his family. 

"You could come with me if you want?" he offers I splash water on myself, surprised that he would suggest that already. "Come with you? To your house? To meet your family?" I ask, my pulse picking up at the thought of it. I don't know why that makes me so nervous but maybe it's because I haven't met anyone new in a while, let alone my boyfriend's family...

Can I even call him that yet?

"You don't have to. I just thought I would offer since I didn't know if you'd wanna be home alone after everything that happened last night" he says and I can tell from that alone that he really does have pure intentions behind it.

"You don't think it's too soon? Plus what about this?" I ask, pointing out my very clearly love bitten neck and he chuckles, clearly enjoying the external struggle I'm having in front of him as if he wasn't the cause. 

"You have a turtle neck yeah?" he asks, heading into my room with me trailing behind him sighing and deciding I'll go since I really don't wanna stay here by myself. "Yeah I guess I could wear one" I mumble pulling one out of my closet and grabbing a few more things to complete the outfit.

When I turn around I see him sitting down on my bed with his legs spread as if he were ready to watch me strip. "What are you doing?" I ask, both of us knowing damn well what he's doing but playing the game anyway. "Watching...waiting" he answers, leaning back on his hands and dragging his eyes up and down my figure. 

I give in just a bit, slipping my shirt off over my head and revealing the fact that I'm not wearing a bra but he clocked it when I first came out. I walk over to him, his eyes having been staring at the change to looking up at me, grabbing my hips once I get closer. 

"Sit down yeah?" he asks, wanting to go again since from what he told me it had been a while since the last time he had been with anyone, completely obsessed with making me cum but I don't give in this time and shake my head which results in a very cute pout from him. 

"Just for a little bit?" he asks as if I would ever believe him but with the way he's started to play and kiss my breasts it makes me start to second guess my stance. "I don't wanna have to take another shower" I say, stepping back and making him even poutier from having thoroughly tease himself and can clearly see how worked up he's started to get me but I choose to ignore it. 

I can't give in every time he wants to have sex right? No matter how good he makes me feel...

"Come on go shower, I'll wash your clothes" I say and grab one of his hands and lead him towards the bathroom. He sighs and starts stripping leaving me looking away, as if I hadn't seen it all just a few hours ago. 

"Are you shy now?" he teases and tosses his clothes at my feet, making me look down and grab them quickly. "No I just didn't want to stare" I explain but shoot myself in the foot since I basically admitted that I would stare at his naked body if he let me, which he probably would. 

"You can if you want to, I won't be embarrassed" he taunts, immediately proving my point. "Just go shower you pervert" I sigh and pick up his clothes, quickly shutting the door behind me, gaining me a few faint chuckles in response before I hear the shower turn on.

He's gonna be the death of me.

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[hyuuukais]

-`♡´ - APARTMENT 143

pairing -> lee minho x fem reader

synopsis -> after a bad breakup, y/n needs to find a new place to live. although she's grateful for her best friend, up-and-coming model hwang hyunjin, for letting her stay at his, she can't keep living with him and his model roommates. so when an opening for somewhere nearby with cheap rent opens up, she jumps on it, despite knowing next to nothing about the 3 other tenants, only that one owns 3 cats. the three quickly learn of her breakup, determined to help get her back on her feet. but what happens when one of them begins to develop feelings?

warnings -> gen, mention of cheating, yn lowkey overthinking

MASTERLIST | PREVIOUS | NEXT

CHAPTER NINE -> IS THIS A DATE? (partially written! wc:1.2k)

There's a knock at your door followed by silence while you internally debate whether or not you should open it, or if you should pretend you aren't home. As far as you know, no one saw you come in, just heard you. The atmosphere was suffocating, heavy. This had to be your fault. You shouldn't have pressed, you shouldn't have-

"Y/n?" Minho's voice comes from behind the wooden barrier. "I know you're in there."

"Sorry, Y/n isn't available! Only her twin sister who did nothing wrong and totally isn't stressing!"

No response.

With a sigh, you get up to open your door, Doongie running off your bed and back into your closet. You open the door, but your eyes are glued to the floor, unable to face the man in front of you. The door is only open a crack, just enough for him to see your face, and you, his. His arms are crossed, body tense.

"Have you seen Soonie, Doongie, or Dori?" Minho asks curtly.

"Um, yeah, Doongie is in my closet-"

"What?" Minho tries to push past your door, but you're able to keep it mostly closed. Your room was currently a mess, no doubt a reflection of your mind the past few weeks. "Why is he in your closet?"

With a light shove, he makes his way in and moves quickly toward your closet opposite your bed. You watch as he slides the curtain away, your lack of a closet door making you shrink a bit into yourself. To be fair, it was like that when you moved in, so obviously the boys knew about it already. Still, you couldn't help feeling a tinge of embarrassment, not to mention the fact most of the content in there is strewn across your floor.

A small meow is heard from behind the curtain, Minho's arm outstretched. His shoulders seem to be a little more relaxed as he stands back to his full height, finally taking in your room with a low whistle. Now you cross your arms.

"If you're going to judge, you can leave," you huff, but then remember the reason he's probably upset in the first place. Your face flushes. "Oh, and I wanted to say I'm really, really sorry."

"For...?"

"You know what for!" You move to the edge of your bed, playing with the corner of a blanket on the verge of falling off. "In the group chat, I shouldn't have pried. Obviously you don't owe telling me anything, which I know you know, but still. I guess I was just shocked? Surprised? Whatever? That's totally messed up by the way, having a secret husband. I mean, who does that? Seriously, who does that?"

"My ex, apparently." Minho sits at the end of your bed, grabbing the blanket as it falls to the ground.

Gently, he folds it up and replaces it at the end he's sitting on, getting up and doing the same to another half under your bedframe.

"Well, your ex needs to learn what commitment is then." He grabs the half empty laundry basket from under you windowsill. "Mine too."

"Do you know if he cheated on you before?" Minho asks, picking up a few shirts abandoned next to the basket.

"I- he-" You stutter, bringing your knees up to your chin as you lean back against the headboard. "He loved me."

"That doesn't answer the question." He puts the basket down, grabbing a small pile of clothing from beside your bed on the opposite side you sit on.

"Don't tell anyone," you whisper, ashamed. "Once, but it was right at the beginning of our relationship and I don't think we were even technically official yet since he seemed so unbothered when I walked in on them together. After that I had a conversation with him about what we were to each other, and he hasn't cheated since. I mean, he has now, but not counting that."

The laundry basket is full, Minho placing it outside of your door. Next on his list are dishes, beginning to make a stack of plates and mugs on the dresser by your door. There aren't many, but enough to be a problem. Enough to be overwhelming.

"Back to the point, I never should have asked about anything." You rub a hand down your face. "I was being stupid."

"No, you were curious," Minho says. "But you're right in thinking you shouldn't have asked."

"I'm sorry."

"Are you going to apologize as much as you thanked me?" He tosses a missed sock at you, hitting you in the knee.

"S-" You freeze, making eye contact with him as he places the last mug aside. "Forget what I was about to say."

A small smile tugs on his mouth as he leaves your room. He's back in record time with a broom and dustpan in his hands. It's only now that you realize what he's been doing for you and you jump up, grabbing his wrist to halt his sweeping.

"Stop! You don't need to clean for me, I can do it myself." You attempt to take the broom, but he switches it to the other hand. "Please. Why are you doing this?"

"Because once this place is a little more cleaned up, you are going to help me find my cats." Minho finishes sweeping the little pile of dirt and dust.

"So this was for a favour?" You ask. "I would have helped you anyway. But what do you mean by 'find my cats'? Are they missing? What happened? How would they get out?"

"You tell me," he says, placing the broom against the wall by your door and heading out. You follow him to the back door, slipping on some sandals before walking out to the balcony. "The door was left open, so I have to assume they went out this way. Ah, I'm going to kill Han."

"Han? Don't kill Han. Why would you kill Han?"

"He left the door open," Minho starts up the staircase leading up to the roof.

The way the roof access was connected to your balcony confused you, but you assumed it came with the apartment. You'd only been up there once since moving in to water some plants at Han's request since he'd been gone all day and hadn't gotten the chance. A light breeze hit your face as you stepped onto the roof, scanning for any sign of cats.

"There!" You jog across the roof to the small garden where Dori sits amongst tomatoes. "Come here you."

Dori stretches out, emerging from the plants to headbutt the hand you stick out. He rubs against your crouched knees purring up a storm, stepping up half onto your leg to ask for pats. You giggle, rubbing his soft cheeks and watching as he lifts his head up, giving him some chin rubs before picking him up.

When you turn, you see Minho with Soonie cradled in his arms like a baby. He's not facing you completely, but you can see him pointing a finger at Soonie and scolding the cat for scaring him like that. Soonie nudges his finger, giving a small lick. Minho shakes his head smiling, taking a small treat from his back pocket. Your heart stutters, a warm feeling blossoming in your chest as you watch.

notes -> so soobin, huh?

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^^^ orange means i can't tag you

[sybillum]

the Nine Saints

ethiopia, c. 15-16 centuries

a group of nine missionaries from various regions of the Byzantine Empire, who came to Ethiopia during the Council of Chalcedon 451, a very divisive and complicated period of the Early Church’s history, played a pivotal role in bringing Christian faith into the land as the primary faith. 

‘Chronicle of Axum’ stated about all saints that: ‘in the days of Amiamid, many monks came from Rum, who fill’d all the Empire; Nine of them stay’d in Tigre, and each of them erected a Church of his own Name’. 

not much is present about their hagiographies, at least in english, so all that i could acquire on them shall be presented below. only eight are depicted on the icon.

abba Pantelewon

abba Garima

abba Liquanos

abba Aftse

abba Aragawi

either abba Yem’ata or abba Alef

abba Guba

abba Tsahma

1. abba Pantelewon

borne in a noble Byzantine family (470-522), he eventually became a monk, who is associated with the founding of Pantelewon monastery. in 480 AD he fled to Axum, the capital city of Ethiopia, among with other 8 saints, who were all, just as him, escaping the Chalcedonian Council 451 (declared Monophysitism a heresy). in another tradition, abba Pantelewon enclosed himself in a tower for 45 years, and this tower, later, was identified as Pantelewon Monastery near Axum. abba Pantelewon is also regarded as a skilled exorcist, considered to have casted out evil spirits and brought peace to turmoiled regions. 

2. abba Garima (Isaac/Yeshaq)

his hagiography was written in around late 15th century. his father was king of Rum (Byzantium) and after his death, abba Garima was a king for 7 years - up until abba Pantelewon summoned him to be a monk. this way, abba Garima spent 5 years with abba Pantelewon, until he went on his own way and established a monastery at Mädära, where he spent about 20 years of his life. there, he became known as an exorcist and wonderworker. monastic tradition holds that the Garima gospels (three ancient ethiopic manuscripts containing all four Gospels and supplements like lists of Gospel chapters. Garima 2 is held as the earliest existing complete illuminated Christian manuscript) were composed by abba Garima himself. 

3. abba Liquanos

is known as composer of hymns, prayers and liturgies, that are still used within the tradition of Ethiopic Orthodox Church. was probably from Constantinople, but later moved to Däbrä Qwänasel monastery. 

4. abba Aftse

has a syriac name, so probably came from Edessa. according to his hagiography, he travelled from Asia Minor to Rome, where he met abba Garima. they travelled together to Ethiopia and he founded a monastery in Yeha as a center of learning and spiritual guidance. abba Aftse is known as a healer. 

5. abba Aragawi

was a disciple of Coptic monk Pachomius the Great (a founder of Cenobitic monasticism). after twelve years at the court of king Ella Amida of Axum, he and the nun Edna, his friend, travelled to found Debre Damo monastery. as the legend states, when he was at the base of the mountain, on the top of which Debre Damo is located, a large green serpent slithered to him, and st Michael the archangel appeared, giving abba Aragawi instructions on how to build the monastery. after that, the serpent coiled itself around the monk and aided in travelling up the mountain to do the angel’s bidding. 

6. abba Yemata OR Alef

abba Yemata: a charismatic preacher, who travelled far and wide preaching the Gospel and founding churches in distant areas. currently has a church of Abuna Yemata Guh dedicated to him.

abba Alef: travelled north and reached Bi’isa, founded a monastery there (Gär’alta, Endärta woreda, Tigray region) and was a missionary to the local people.

7. abba Guba

probably coming from Cilicia, he was a fellow monk of abba Pantelewon. after that, he moved to the desert of Bäräka. he is known as a healer, who established a monastery in Madara for medical needs and spiritual comfort of the community. 

8. abba Tsahma

originally coming from, possibly, Antioch, he moved to Ethiopia and, establishing the monastery there, this devout scholar devoted his life to studying the Scriptures and evangelising, educating people on Christian faith. 

sources:

The Nine Saints

The Legend of Saint Abuna Aragawi Monastery

Aleteia.org

Dictionary of African Christian Biography

[rikisniffles]

chapter nine [西村力] my first love was a boy ✧ NISHIMURA RIKI (NI-KI) X M!READER

SYNOPSIS — l/n y/n is a member of boynextdoor under hybe/koz. being an idol has always been y/n's dream, and ever since it became true he has been more than happy. despite being an idol, he doesn't know many other idols outside his group. when he runs into his seniors, a seemingly never-ending spiral of embarrassing moments occurs.

disclaimer !! : every idol in my stories is a character and does not always reflect the actual person (i do my best but for entertainment purposes, it may be off)

— fic masterlist / info

chapter nine - y/n fell first

warning: written part (after the first image)

“Ni-ki?” Sunoo grabs Ni-ki’s attention from across the table, “Eat some more.” He plates some food, handing it over to the other boy. Ni-ki takes it with a generous nod but keeps his eyes fixated on his phone.

“This generation’s youth and their phones…” Jake sighed, reaching his head to spy on what Ni-ki was doing. Ni-ki hides his screen away from Jake, only making his hyung wish to see it more.

“You’re the same generation as me.” Ni-ki corrects, still hiding his screen as Jake leans further.

“What are you hiding?”

“Nothing, Mind your business.” Ni-ki pushes Jake gently back into his seat, and Jake chuckles in return.

“He’s texting Y/n.” Jay notifies Jake, glancing at Ni-ki’s phone from the other side of him. He has a clear image of the screen. Sunoo seems to perk up, suddenly interested.

“Oh.” Jake seems disappointed, “Why are you hiding that?”

Ni-ki didn’t really know why, but something about it was embarrassing for him, “Just bothering you.” Ni-ki smiles sheepishly before returning to his phone.

Sunoo leans forward, taking a look at Ni-ki’s face as he chews on a piece of meat. Ni-ki takes notice of this, snapping his head up nervously.

“What?”

“Nothing, You look happy.” Sunoo smiles, taking another bite of food. “Are you feeling better?” Ni-ki nods at Sunoo’s question, and he smiles back.

“Y/n asked how I was feeling,” Ni-ki admits, picking up his chopsticks and setting down his phone, “He’s really kind.” Ni-ki has trouble getting the words out, yet he wants to say them so bad. He wants to say so much more.

“Yeahhhh,” Sunoo sings, “I can see you guys being really good friends.” He giggles.

“You’re laughing like an evil villain.” Sunghoon teases, Sunoo pushes his shoulder playfully as they both laugh together.

"I can feel cameras on us." Jay groans, trying to ignore the feeling of being watched as he eats. A white flash signals behind them. Someone had caught them, not that they were hiding anything but it was quite annoying to be bothered every time they did anything in public.

Ni-ki leans over, staring at the fan's phone camera dead on. The flash signals again as they take a picture of him. He wasn't too annoyed but he would've felt better if he looked more presentable. He hoped it wouldn't be spread around too much.

He couldn't help but think about how Y/n would react if he saw those photos.

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— koki's note ★ ; OKAYYY another update, happy 4th of july for my american readers 👍👍 hope yall have a great day !!

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