#and I had zero body fat then lmao. like Back In The Day i would be so thin I could look at this | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

jean-kayak · 4 years ago

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Anon request: Can I request hc’s of Issei, Ushijima, Akaashi, and Suna with a black gf that’s just gifted with da thickness? Not only does she have ass, boobs, and thighs for dayzzz but she got that wap AND gives that double twist gwak gwak thotty throat soul slurp 4000. Sis feels so good, that they would propose to her the minute they nut (regardless if they dated for a week or month).

Characters: timeskip!Matsukawa Issei, Wakatoshi Ushijima, Akaashi Keiji, Suna Rintarou

A/N: Lmao, anon, this request made me laugh, but here it is, and I’m sorry that it took so long, but i hope you like it and i hope it did good enough

🐴 This man thought he was gonna fall over the first time he saw you

🐴 He's always been a chill, smooth guy but you definitely had him off his game the first few times the both of you talked

🐴 But once he finally got to know you, he was back to being his confident self

🐴 When you started dating, he was definitely the luckiest man in the world and no one could give him a run for his money

🐴 Now your body??? He never knew which part to love the most, all of you was thicc (with multiple c's)

🐴 He watches your ass constantly. Can't take his eyes off based on the fact of how much it moves just from you walking

🐴 He'll always find a way to make you bend over, or whenever you do, his eyes are on you, watching your every move

🐴 Loves playing with your boobs and loves holding them in his hands, with barely fit in the palm of his hand

🐴 Will lay on top of you and lay his face on your chest, and this is one of his favorite ways to tease you, mouthing over the nipple through the fabric while his hand rubs over the other one

🐴 You had already floored him by how amazing you looked, but the first time you gave him head? Man thought he was in another world

🐴 He tried to warn you saying that he was massive, but you just brushed him off, taking all of him into your mouth, and he lets out a guttural moan at the sight

🐴 He busts so fast, your tongue swirling all around his length as you bop your head faster and faster. He feels his orgasm run through his body, and he almost passes out from how hard he cums

🐴 And he thought he came fast when you were sucking him off? Nothing compares to when he has sex with you

🐴 He thought you felt amazing around his fingers, so tight and hot, and you were already soaking the sheets with your slick

🐴 But when he slides into you, he almost busts before he even bottoms out, and he has to physically refrain himself from cumming so fast

🐴 He bucks into you, watching where your bodies are connected and he can't help but groan at how much of your slick is on his dick

🐴 Every thrust inside of you seems to trigger another wave of wetness until there's no more resistance and the squelching sounds are the loudest noise in the room

🐴 He cums way too fast than he normally has, his body going rigid at the same time it goes limp, falling on top of you as he shoots his seed inside of you

🐴 "Holy fuck," he slurs, his chest heaving and his heart feeling like it's going to beat out of his chest

🐴 "Good, huh?" you tease, and he nods eagerly

🐴 "I'm fucking marrying you."

🌾 He couldn't really tell at the game because of the clothes you were wearing at the time, but then he saw you in some regular clothes when he ran into you while out with Tendou, and he physically froze in the hallway

🌾 Tendou was the main reason why you both finally got together, introducing the two of you after one of their games

🌾 You walked up to them, and he couldn't even form a coherent sentence to keep the conversation going, focusing on how amazing your body was

🌾 He couldn't help but run his eyes down your figure, your words just muffled as he tries to focus his attention elsewhere, but fails horribly

🌾 He's usually oblivious to the many girls that are into him or think he's very attractive, but the only thing he could think about was you, and when you started dating, you surprised him even more

🌾 The first time he saw you in lingerie, he really thought he felt a noise bleed coming

🌾 His hands ran over your body as he found himself at a loss for words, the white a beautiful contrast to your brown skin, and he can't get over the fact at how plush your thighs are, how round your ass is, not even close to fitting in his huge hands

🌾 You sink down to your knees, and he's broken out of his trance to quickly shove his pants off his legs

🌾 You give him a few strokes, and he moves to put his hand on your head, but once you put your mouth on him, he can't even move

🌾 His hands fall beside him on the bed, as his head falls back on his neck. And he usually doesn't make many noises, but he can't help as they slip out, getting as you suck him with more fervor

🌾 He feels spineless when he cums, a loud groan filling the room as his thighs flex, his orgasm rippling through his body, making his nerve endings stand on end

🌾 And he thought your head game was good? Your pussy was even better

🌾 He had you on your back, and his eyes widen when he pulls down your thong, a huge strand of your slick connecting to the fabric

🌾 When he slides into you, he lets out the loudest moan he's ever let out, trying to control himself so he doesn't cum right then and there

🌾 His sounds send another gush of wetness covering his dick, shiny with your juices, and he pumps into you with even more enthusiasm

🌾 You even better than amazing, you feel heavenly, and he doesn't even know what to do with himself, the only thing on his mind is how wet you are and how there's nothing holding him back from thrusting inside of you

🌾 His sounds are just louder than the noises of him pumping in and out of you, and he's never been this loud before but can't help it

🌾 After a few hard thrusts, he's cumming hard and he falls over on top of you, having to crash his hands into the mattress so that he doesn't crush you

🌾 His face is buried in your neck, his hot breath fanning your neck as he tries to calm his heartbeat

🌾 "Are you okay?" you chuckle, rubbing his head

🌾 "Please marry me."

🪶 He thought you were the prettiest person he's ever seen; he couldn't even speak to you without stuttering over his words

🪶 When he first met you, he was a little bit intimidated by you

🪶 But when you started dating, he was over the moon

🪶 He practically worshipped your body, there was so much of you that he didn't know what to do with himself

🪶 You wore thigh highs one time and this man short-circuited, his brain instantly zeroing in the fat spilling over the fabric

🪶 In an instant, he had you on top of him, his face between your legs

🪶 "Shit," he moans when he sees how soaked you are, your folds inches from his face, and he dives in eating you out like it's his last day on Earth

🪶 Your juices soak his face as your huge thighs squeeze around his head, and if this is how he goes out, there's no way in hell he's complaining

🪶 He pulls you closer to his face by your hips, and you're a little worried that you might suffocate him, but he doesn't care, his hands run over your ass before gripping at the thigh highs

🪶 His face is dripping when you cum and he's rock hard in his shorts as wipes his face with his fingers, groaning at your taste

🪶 You go to return the favor, sliding down his body, and he bucks his hips up when you grind against him

🪶 He almost cums the moment you start sucking him off, starting at his angry red tip before pulling all of him into your mouth

🪶 His grip on the couch nearly rips the material as you deepthroat him, and he can't help but watch you as his moans get louder

🪶 He's never had head this good, and he already feels himself on the brink of snapping

🪶 When he cums a second later, his back is arching off the couch as he shudders, his whole body taut

🪶 His head is still running from his high, but he pushes you off of him and now he's on top of you

🪶 When slips inside of you, he feels his orgasm seconds from approaching, and he moans as he tries to wait for you

🪶 When you give him the go-ahead, he's moving, grabbing your legs and throwing them over his shoulders as he fucks you into the couch

🪶 He watches the meat of your thighs jiggle every time your bodies meet, and he digs his fingers into your skin as he tries to hold back for you

🪶 He looks down to see that you're making a wet mess on him, your thighs, the couch, and he can't hold back any longer along with the fact that he's edging himself

🪶 He curls over you when he cums, shouting at how fast and hard his orgasm washes through him, his body shaking

🪶 When he finally gets you to cum, he's falling on top of you. "When are we getting married?"

🦊 There was just so much of you that he couldn't keep his hands off of you, they never literally never left your body whenever you were together

🦊 This man thought that your body was an added bonus to dating you

🦊 He always had you in his lap, his hands moving from your ass to your thighs in a fluid motion

🦊 He always uses your boobs as a pillow, always falling asleep on your chest

🦊 Whenever you're in the car together, his hands are always rubbing your thigh giving it the occasional squeeze

🦊 The first time you give him head is when you're driving around, just killing time, and he pulls into a secluded area, and you're already on him before he even turns the car off

🦊 "Shit, baby, damn," he sighs as he puts his hand on your head, and you lick at the tip before sinking your mouth down on him

🦊 He can't even think about bucking his hips up into your mouth, only focusing on the fact at how amazing your mouth feels around him

🦊 His hand digs into the console as you bop your head faster, the grip on your hair tightening, and when you go deeper, he throws his head back

🦊 It literally felt like you were sucking the soul out of him lmao

🦊 As soon as he cums, he's pulling you into the backseat, and he quickly takes your clothes off

🦊 He just stared at you in awe, his hands running over every part of your body, not even believing that you're his

🦊 He moves his hand down, his knuckles toying at your folds and when he looks down, he scoffs at the fact that you're dripping

🦊 When he fingers you, you're slick is dripping down to his wrist, and it makes him so hard that he makes quick work of lining up to your entrance

🦊 He moans loudly when you slide down on him, your wetness soaking his dick, his balls, and when you're ready, he wastes so time thrusting up into you

🦊 Your boobs hit him in the face with every cant of his hips, and he pulls at one nipple as his hands dig into your hips

🦊 He licks in between them, tasting the saltiness of your sweat before coating them in his saliva

🦊 When he's satisfied, he buries his face in your chest as he works on pulling you down onto him

🦊 He doesn't think he's ever cum this fast, his orgasm hitting him out of nowhere, and he sees stars as he curls forward, holding you so that you don't fall

🦊 He leans back against the seat, pulling you with him, resting his head on his chest as he tries to bring his heart rate back down

🦊 "We're getting fucking married."

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sjweminem · 2 years ago

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Is top surgery worth the lack of epic tits. Will I be real boy then

i promise that most people would tell you differently and they are the ones to whom you may want to listen more but. in MY experience???? god no. if i could go back i would never do it again- but i don't want you to get the wrong idea, you should probably get MORE of an idea re: why i feel what i feel and endured what i did. so. storytime about That Year (many of you already know which year 😭) but first i want to start on a light note because BOY do i know the epic tits struggle!! i was so proud..fuckin 5'8" with 32Ds that were so naturally perky even the surgeon commented on how that gave us options.....rest in peace god's greatest creation

AND!! before i begin! do keep in mind you do NOT have to get a wholeass mastectomy, i mean it's fat that hangs off your chest, no arbiter of maleness. you could totally go for a breast reduction down to the precise size/shape you want, then as for passing, depending on your clothes, binding would be easy as hell and for other clothes, not even necessary! i wish i had the foresight to do that

my surgery experience was traumatic (not the actual surgery, my doctor did an incredible job) but i was in for a slide leading, as months went by post op, into the year i. died forever (2015) as the person i was. simple. it began w being left with this tremendous, unfixable ribcage and sternum deformity that we always knew was there but my boobs were big and hid it- but getting that vest and bandages off was a horrible, horrible experience. facing what was underneath, what i had so been hoping would be a body that felt, perhaps, even more like my own, like all the experiences i'd heard and the big step it meant blah blah etc- i quit my AMAZING JOB for this! i thought i had an even bigger future!! but i fainted when i saw that deformity in plain sight, and one which turned out to be on THE most severe end of standard cases so i found little solace in looking up other images.......i was worse than all of them. and that future i had in reach and was kinda counting on eventually dropped me, too. zero life structure, just this frightening body to look at all day.

so naturally being on the schizophrenic spectrum i bodyslammed into a full blown, unrelenting dissociative/depersonalization state and effectively began cutting ties with my body (even going so far as to cut IT off lmao you can do some seeeeerious shit if you have analgesia!!! 😭 even still- like last month i tracked some major healing w photos and my left arm looked to be in fucking livor mortis.. another reason probably to not listen to how i answered your question). i stopped feeding the fuckin thing, thought i might lose enough weight to PHYSICALLY leave it??? overdosed on dilaudid that i shot up w one of my IM hormone needles & snorted ambien, sat on my floor day and night bloodletting into jars as much as i could get out of myself till approaching fainting, bc that jar of blood meant SOME part of me was able to escape! this is a VERY very condensed and censored little back-cover summary of what 2015 meant, and still does every minute of my life.

this is zero of what you asked for really, but i can't speak simply about the worst trauma i've ever endured (and i legit WATCHED my dad die), it is so heavy in me it rages in me physically i can't speak it quickly, and unfortunately it happens to begin with that simple operation, and i think you should know whom you're asking and what advice to perhaps take with a grain of salt..cuz if i PERSONALLY could do it all over again i never would have gotten that mastectomy, but that has sooooo much to do w my wildass unique factors!!

#also sparknotes info for all my 2016 and later followers gfdhdkasfj #anonymous #correspondence

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hazelhalfpint · 4 years ago

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Closing the Distance

Surprise another Inu/Kag one shot because I have zero will-power lmao. I just can't stop myself they are so fun!

Based on a prompt you can find here

You can also read this one-shot on AO3 here

For @fawn-eyed-girl, the main inspo behind my return to writing.

Closing the Distance -

The city is quiet, the click of her small law firm office door almost seems out of place as she closed for the day. The normally busy streets of Akasaka had lulled to a quiet hum around her. Kagome sighed, glancing down at her phone. The time glared up at her, nearly 12:00AM. She made a noise in discontent, “Poor Buyo probably thinks I abandoned him this time.”

Her heeled suede boots clicked on the pavement hurriedly toward Akasaka station hoping to catch the last train to Meguro. She sighed in relief, stepping onto the train right before departure. Kagome let her body sway with the motions of the train, opting to close her eyes as she stood, fingers gripping one of the over-head handles. She felt grateful her ride was a short one, only taking her 15 minutes total trip time.

When the train pinged its arrival to Meguro, Kagome smiled stepping onto the concrete platform. She waved to the train staff, a younger man who usually worked the evening train route in Meguro.

“See you tomorrow, Hojo-kun.”

He smiled in return, waving cheerfully, “Have a good night, Higurashi-san!”

Kagome tightened her scarf, once again glancing at her phone as she walked the distance from Meguro station to her apartment building. She scrolled through her notifications, pursing her lips as she read them aloud. “Email, email, another email,” she rolled her eyes but kept scrolling,” text from Sango, (2) missed calls from Kaa-chan, two new Instagram likes.” She let out a loud whine; not a single message from the one person she had been hoping to hear from.

Kagome opened a message thread, the name ‘Inu’ glowing at the top with a red heart emoji. She typed a message as she continued her path, just like she had done the last three nights. She knew he was outside the reach of cell service, somewhere in the mountains of Washington, USA, attending a business conference with his father.

<New Message to: Inu ♥

I miss your voice. ☹ I hope your trip is going well; call me when you can! ♥>

She clicked send, tucking her phone into her jacket pocket. She wasn’t trying to be clingy, truly, but her and Inuyasha had spoken nearly every day for almost a year and a half. Kagome smiled fondly at how their relationship had started, “Hah!” She snorted out a laugh, ‘if you could even call it a ‘relationship’ at first.’

They’d met in an online anime forum, both looking for recommendations to fill their generally boring day to day routines. She’d recommended Bleach, one of her all-time favorites, and Inuyasha had roasted her alive in the comments about the length of the series. She’d retaliated hard though, noting that in his bio he had One-Piece listed as top favorite, and that if he were going to be a hypocrite to at least try to hide it. They bickered incessantly in the forum comments, and eventually moved to private chat, the conversation taking on a more playful tone as time went on.

After that they had pinballed anime suggestions back and forth, building a repertoire of anime they both could enjoy, either together via Zoom or separately. It wasn’t long until their conversations turned more heated, and affectionate. She’d learned what he liked and didn’t like (curry being at the top of that list alongside Bleach) and that unfortunately for their budding relationship they lived on opposite sides of the world. He worked for his fathers growing tech corporation as head of marketing, and Kagome worked full time at a law-firm as a child advocate lawyer.

She had also learned that like her, Inuyasha had grown up in Japan, in a prefecture close to where she had grown up. He’d only moved to New York with his father after high school to get a head start working for the family company, and now he was in Washington laying groundwork for the company’s’ north-western sect. She blushed remembering a previous conversation they’d had six months into talking, and four months into dating.

“Do you think you’ll ever come back to Japan?”

It wasn’t meant to be a loaded question, they hadn’t known each other for long, but Kagome couldn’t stop herself from chewing on her lip nervously. She drew in her knees, letting them tuck underneath her on the couch.

She could hear him chuckle into the phone, “Do you want me to come back to Japan?” Kagome felt her cheeks tinging pink.

“I didn’t mean it like that!” She defended, “I mean of course I wouldn’t mind seeing you but…” She continued to babble on when he interrupted her.

“I would come back for you.” The words were quick and effective, going straight to the butterflies in her stomach, her heart rate increasing.

“You would?”

“In a heartbeat.” He offered the words to her like they were second nature.

“Inuyasha?” She smiled into the phone, waiting for his response.

“Hm?” he hummed a response, followed by a yawn.

“I really, really like you.” She could picture him smiling now, “I really like you too.”

They both had busy lives, but the part she loved most was that even in the mundanity of their daily lives they still managed to find time for each other. Except for the last three days.

“Keep it together, Kagome. It’s only been three days. He has no cell service,” she reminded herself fishing in her pocket for keys as she approached her unit.

Kagome pulled out the apartment keys, flipping through them easily to the correct one. The door opened with a click, and she shuffled into the genkan. She dropped her small purse onto the entryway table calling out into the dark as she always did, an inside joke to herself.

“Honey, I’m home!” She flipped on the entrance light and slid out of her jacket, chuckling, “Oh yeah that’s right...I live alone.” Well, not exactly, she did have Buyo after all. The fat cat normally came running as soon as she called out her inside joke, making it even more hilarious to Kagome. Buyo her fat sort-of roommate cat.

Her body stilled when this time instead of the mewling of her cat, a male voice called back out to her from the kitchen, “Oh good, you made it home,” the voice purred.

” I picked up some pizza,” the entry way to the kitchen was dimly lit, but Kagome didn’t need the lights on to know who was standing in her doorway holding a pizza box. A tall figure with silver hair swept into a bun, golden eyes gleaming with amusement and an undeniably familiar voice. One that she’d been hearing the last year and a half.

Kagome kicked off her boots in the genkan, launching herself across the apartment. Her arms locked around the figure’s waist, “Inuyasha!” She cried out his name, tears mercilessly streaming down her face as she hugged him tighter.

Inuyasha dropped the box of pizza onto the closest counter, tucking the crying woman into his arms more securely. He dropped his lips to her hair, placing a tender kiss to the top of her head. He was committing her scent to memory, lavender and soft vanilla. He inhaled deeply, letting out a content sigh.

“What are you doing here? How did you find my apartment? What about Washington?” Kagome managed to croak out the questions through tears. His fingers moved to tilt her face up to him, wiping the tears from her cheeks. He smiled a lopsided fanged grin, “I told you I’d come back to Japan for you.”

He said it with ease, like it was the most logical thing in the world. Kagome couldn’t stop herself as she pressed onto the tips of her toes to reach him. Her lips found his, and she pulled him closer, afraid he may vanish if she let go. He didn’t resist but instead melted into her touch, cradling the small of her back with his hands. After a few moments, Kagome released him with a pant, her chest heaving as he braced them against the closest kitchen wall.

Inuyasha dropped kisses onto her exposed shoulder, and Kagome stopped him with small hands fisted into his shirt. She had to tell him.

“I love you.” She blurted out the three words, cheeks flushed from their heated encounter and her confession. They had danced around the subject, but she’d known for a while. Kagome loved Inuyasha. She chewed on her lip, pulling it between her teeth but was stopped when he lowered to pull at her lip himself, sucking it against his mouth, and kissing her again sweetly.

“I love you too,” he said softly, cupping her face with his hand, “even if you like bleach.” Kagome let out a loud laugh at that, shoving his shoulder but then pulling him back for another kiss, just one of many more that would come now that she was truly home.

#inuyasha #oneshot #fluff #chat #90s anime #romance #inu/kag #inukag #writing #writing prompt

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kotorilovesalpacas · 4 years ago

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What Hurts the Most (Kirito x Reader)

After being forced to join Knights of the Blood Oath, Kirito will be forced to obey their commands, even if it means losing dear friends of his.

A/N: I have not kept up with SAO past the first two seasons so this was based on the very first season, when I was still new to anime and had a big fat crush on Kirito like probably 90% of people lmao.

Pairings: Kirito x Reader

Warnings: angst, spoilers ig if u somehow haven’t seen the first half of the very first season at the very least

It was the day after Kirito had fought Heathcliff. He had been forced to join the Knights of the Blood Oath. He hadn’t wanted to, of course, but Kirito had always been one to keep his word. That was just one of the many things I liked about him.

I sighed as I picked at the grass. It almost felt as though I was in the outside world again. But the sight of my blue and white clothing took me back to the wretched game: Sword Art Online. Laying back on the grass, I ran a pale hand through my hair.

He was supposed to be here.

The corner of the screen told me that it was already past noon. Kirito had said he would meet me at noon sharp. After that, he would be heading out with some members of the Knights of the Blood Oath. I knew that, once he headed out with them, it was unlikely that I would see him again.

We had grown to be rather close. Since he and I preferred to work alone, we didn’t always group up. But when we did, it was easy to take down monsters. It was far easier to level up when I was with him. But Kirito had met Asuna, and he spent most of his time with her.

It hurt. But I remained silent for his sake.

“Sorry to keep you waiting.” A voice jolted me from my daydream. I cracked open an eye to see a pair of onyx eyes looking down at me. Black hair hung in front of his face, his mouth stretched into a large grin. “Heathcliff was reluctant to let me leave.”

Instead of his normal black clothing, he wore the white and red material that had been forced upon him. It didn’t look bad, it just didn’t look like him. Kirito seemed far comfier in his own clothes.

“Don’t worry about it.” I fixed him with a small smile. As I sat up, I patted the ground beside me. Kirito took a seat beside me, staring out at the sky.

The blue was more vibrant in virtual reality. Everything had been designed to be a better version of what the outside world had to offer. If I hadn’t been trapped in the damn game, I would have been able to appreciate it.

“You said you wanted to talk?” He turned his head to look at me. I nodded, though I couldn’t bring myself to look at him. There was so much I wanted to say, but so little time.

I wanted to tell him how I truly felt. I wanted to tell him that I had fallen him from the very moment I met him. I wanted to tell him that I believed in him, that I always would believe in him. But I couldn’t form the right sentences in my head.

“Are you okay?” His voice was laced with more concern this time. Furrowed brows met my gaze as I reluctantly turned my head. My wide eyes danced across his face, examining his features. It could have been the last time I would see him. “Come on, say something.”

“You look weird in those clothes.” I said, before glancing away from him. Kirito instantly looked down at the mash of red and white. He nodded, a melodic laugh escaping his lips. “Now I’ll have to remember you in them.”

His laugh immediately stopped.

“What do you mean?” The playfulness had left his voice, leaving only concern and worry. I realized that I had chosen the wrong words. Did he not realize that we would not see each other once he worked alongside them?

The Knights of the Blood Oath had hated me for a long time. I didn’t play by the rules of the game and continued to surpass the game’s expectation. After all, I hadn’t earned my title of Blue Lightning by sitting back and doing nothing. They were constantly out to shut me down.

There had been a single occasion, on which they had managed to catch me off guard. I had been fighting a rather difficult dungeon boss by myself, darting here and there as I slashed at it viciously. My health was barely hitting the halfway mark as I finished the monster off.

As I stepped back to collect the loot, they had burst into the room. There had been a group of five or six, all ready to jump on me and hand me in. With wide eyes, I had selected a few health potions, and readied myself to fight.

I had taken on all six of them, bringing each health bar dangerously close to zero. I hadn’t killed any of them, though. There was no way I would be able to live with myself if I’d killed someone because of the game.

So I’d taken my time lowering each health bar, before I sternly told them to stop tracking me down. I threatened to kill each and every one of them if I ever had to encounter the Knights of the Blood Oath ever again.

There was a bad history between myself and the Knights of the Blood Oath. Therefore, they would merely use Kirito as a stepping stone to chase me down again. It would be nearly impossible for Kirito and me to continue seeing each other, especially if the threat of being hunted was always looming over my shoulder.

“You know what I mean, Kirito.” The words slowly tugged themselves out of my mouth. I wanted to cry. Every inch of my being felt saddened by the inevitable loss of my friend. Even if we were only ever going to be friends, I wanted him by my side. I felt safe with him. “You’re with them now.”

“So? If I want to go to a dungeon with you, they can’t stop me.” Kirito shrugged it off, leaning back on his hands. I sighed, wrapping my arms around my legs and bringing them to my chest. I rested my chin upon my arms, attempting to keep the tears at bay. “You’re getting yourself worked up over nothing.”

“But it isn’t nothing, Kirito. You don’t understand.” I muttered, glaring at the horizon.

Of course he wouldn’t understand. I wasn’t telling him anything. My brain told me that I should tell him how I felt, but all communications between my brain and my mouth had dissipated.

“Then explain.” He said, placing a hand on my shoulder. Instinctively, I shook him off. His hand dropped to the grass beside me, before he retracted his arm hesitantly. I was being unreasonable. It wasn’t his fault. “I’m going to be late.”

“I can’t explain, Kirito.” With that, I stood up. I brushed the grass off of my legs, turning away from him. “This was stupid. Have fun.”

I went to walk away. My brain yelled at me. My heart yelled at me. A hand grasped hold of my wrist forcefully. Kirito spun my body round, his hand gripping my wrist so tightly that it almost hurt.

“What is this about?” His dark eyes met mine. He looked fierce, determined. He looked as if he hadn’t seen several people succumb to this twisted game. I always admired that, too. Despite everything, Kirito continued to push forward.

I love you, I thought. But my mouth wasn’t responding. All I could do was stare back at him. My gaze flickered towards his HP bar, then back to his face. My hand longed to reach out. My fingers longed to tangle in his hair. I love you so damn much. I want to fight for you. I believe in you.

“Seriously, what is it?” His grip on my wrist loosened ever so slightly. My eyes raked over his body once more. I missed his black outfit. I wouldn’t get to see it again. I wouldn’t get to see him again. The mere thought made tears appear in my eyes. As they fell down my cheeks, his eyes widened.

“Good luck.” I whispered as he pulled me into a tight hug. From the way his arms tightened around me, I could tell that he was fighting tears, too. Just knowing that he would miss me was enough. A sad smile tugged at the corners of my lips. “I believe in you, Kirito.”

With that, I swiped open my menu and left him. He stumbled forward as my body faded away. I closed my eyes tightly, allowing a sob to pass my lips. It echoed around the empty field, in which Kirito now stood alone.

I never managed to tell him. I never would be able to tell him. That was what hurt the most. Knowing that he would never be aware of how much I loved him.

#sword art online #kirito #sao #kirito x reader #angst #kazuto kirigaya #asuna yuuki #asuna #anime

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figula · 4 years ago

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cw: eating disorders

im still thinking about that 'pro an/a from the early 2000s' video i watched yesterday, it reminded me that i had/have semi-formed plans for a hypothetical youtube video on my hypothetical youtube account doing a compare / contrast of eating disorder communities from 10 years ago vs now. i never went very far w/ this idea bc it would obviously necessitate embedding myself in those communities again, which is probably a bad idea given that i actually struggled w/ giving up those spaces for YEARS after i recovered - i would just make accounts to hang out in those places without saying anything lol. which is exactly what i'd be doing if i wanted to make that video lmao so it's probably a bad idea but i find them genuinely (i.e. not-as-a-secret-triggering-tool) fascinating conceptually

ana who has no history of an ED also found the whole thing fascinating and i think ended up watching that account all day

i was thining yesterday that i think it might in some ways have actually been WORSE to be a teenage girl on the verge of an ED in the mid 00s - being thin was IT. there was simply no counter-narrative, there were no role models who weren't stick-thin, fat people were almost without exception the butt of jokes and there was never anything even approaching a backlash. (remember Fat Monica?) i know that there's still a long way to go - fat people are still obviously and clearly a pretty hated class on the whole - but tess holliday could have never existed in 2007. lizzo could not have existed. (note on lizzo: i was DEEPLY disappointed when she promoted weight loss shakes on her insta, and it made me lose a lot of respect for her body positivity shtick, but the point still stands i think). like fat acceptance as a concept did not exist. i remember reading one of my gran's magazines and there was like a full page on a Dove (?) commercial - that woman sitting down with one small fat roll. like - this is definitely not the case anymore.

i think there's also more of an acknowledgement of outside forces, too: when i was a teen there was a lot of individualisation - a lot of the discourse i saw centred on dismissing the idea that very thin celebrities / models / magazines /size zero / The Media had anything to do with eating disorders as a whole. there was this push to cerebralise the illness into something more meaningful than what it was, imo. i think, obviously, that it's a combination of factors that causes EDs (particularly restrictive ones in this context) but looking back i cant quite understand the absolute refusal to engage with the what seems to me now very obvious truth that if thinness is held up as the ideal of female sucess, beauty, and achievement, that this will sink into young girls' heads.

however i do think that (for me) there was a forced distance between me and the online realm of EDs in that phones were not the way they are now - i would look at my ED content on the computer in the morning before school and when i got home but there were like 8 hours inbetween where i was free from it, and was kind of a 'normal' teen (albeit one with an ED). like if it's on your phone and inextricably linked with all your SM accounts where do you go? you literally have no escape. i think that must be really, really difficult. and i think that in some ways the concept of pro/ana is more mainstream? like most teens have instagram; the content is immediately there - either under tags or just right there on your feed as inspirational wellness content. it's more mainstream but more blurred. i think that is really hard too. at least for us we acknowledged what we were doing. there was very little pretence of health.

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stanskzseungmin · 5 years ago

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SCB ~ Words From the Heart Often Cuts Deep

NonIdol! + Soulmate! AU

Genre: Angst

Word Count: 2906

Prompt: Write something on your own skin, appears on the other’s skin as well

A/N: TW! Descriptions of self-harm are depicted in this

A/N 2: I’m not too proud of this... like at all, but screw it lmao. Also not proofread so we dying like MEN x2!

Everyone at birth is assigned a soulmate. It’s quite a beautiful story. The universe likes to give back to the world in the form of hope: hope that everyone is promised eternal happiness with a singular person that was decided on by fate. Everyone had their own method of contacting their soulmate or a radar or counter of sorts.

Changbin didn’t know what his was in particular. He didn’t even know whether or not his gift was communication or a radar. His good friend Felix had a wattle counter. His hyung, Chan, had a counter that showed how long he’s been in the immediate vicinity of his soulmate. His dongsaeng, Jisung, also had a counter that will start the countdown once he’s interacted with his soulmate. Unfortunately for the three, all their counters are all stuck at a fat 0.

“Hey, this probably could mean that you’ve probably interacted with them before?” Jisung suggested, bringing his hands up.

Changbin mumbled into his palm, propping up his elbow on the table. Felix was casually rubbing at Changbin’s exposed forearm.

“Maybe it isn’t a counter at all?” Felix wondered out loud rubbing circles on Changbin’s flesh.

“How about you all get to work before I beat all your asses?” Chan grumbled slouched over his laptop.

“He’s just salty because his timer is stuck at zero,” Jisung whispered with his hand held up to his mouth.

“Your counter is also stuck at zero,” Chan groaned out rubbing his temples.

Felix giggled, still trying to examine Changbin’s forearm. His eyes furrowed in confusion as you spotted the word ‘useless’ forming on his flesh. Changbin ripped his arm away from the younger’s grasp.

“Can you stop molesting me now, Lix?”

Like Chan, Changbin didn’t necessarily obsess over his soulmate. If the stars had aligned to assign Changbin a soulmate, then he should allow fate to run its course to allow he and his soulmate to meet one day. Despite this, Changbin has always been a little self conscious about his arms. However, it was certainly not by how lanky it is, his arms could classify as weapons by how thicc they were, but the fact that it’s bare unlike the people around him having some sort of mark intricately tattooed on their skin by fate made him feel like a bit of an outcast. Changbin rolled down his sleeves until it reached past his wrists.

Changbin slumped down in slight defeat letting out a breathy sigh. He shook his head and straightened up, smoothing away the wrinkles on his shirt and readjusting his black snapback on his head. Changbin winced a bit when he felt a fleeting pain his torso. Changbin tried to straighten up when the passersby eyed him warily. It lingered a bit for a few seconds, but it was almost painful. Changbin let out the breath he didn’t know he was holding as he hurried back to his apartment.

Slamming the door shut behind him, he tossed aside his backpack. The sack slumped down the wall to the floor landing with a light thud. Changbin quickly lifted up his shirt to examine his torso.

“What…?” Changbin whispered, running his finger over the red spot. Changbin winced a bit from the burning on contact, but there on his side just underneath his ribs were two oddly indented crescents that formed on his skin.

“Strange,” Changbin waved it off as he headed straight to the shower. It was a slow day-- one of those where time seemed to crawl at a snail’s pace. Changbin just wanted to have a nice cool shower, curl up under his sheets and sleep to recharge and start anew the next day and feel refreshed.

It was a fairly stuffy day. Sweat covered his body in a light sheen as his clothes seemed to stick to him uncomfortably like an itchy second skin. After shedding his long layers and discarding the fabric on the cool white tile of his bathroom floor, he started the shower, sticking his hand under the cascading drops of water checking the temperature. Satisfied, he went in. Exhaling in bliss as the cool water rolled down his tense muscles, Changbin closed his eyes taking in the refreshing feel. Changbin relished in the cool feeling as suddenly his skin began to crawl. His flesh quickly became red and raw as Changbin suddenly feel...hot. Too hot. Changbin let out pained screams. His excruciating voice echoed throughout the walls of the small room. His body was literally burning up as if boiling water suddenly surrounded him. His hand flew up as his hand flew up desperately grabbing at the nozzle and bumping up the cold water. The freezing cold water had a sharp contrast to his burning skin. It lessened the pain a bit, the cold water help sooth the red flesh. Changbin gasped and panted as light steam came from his body as a result of the cold water hitting his burning skin.

“What the fuck?” Changbin groaned. “Fucking STOP!”

As if on cue, the searing hot skin subsided a bit. The water is doing wonders to his skin. Bracing himself on the tiled wall with both hands, Changbin panted as his skin tingled painfully. Pulling back the curtain, he stumbles out as his leg gives out under him. He made his way towards his phone without bothering for a towel as he left trails of water behind him.

"Hyung? Hyung pick up," Changbin begged while listening to the ringing. After what felt like an eternity, Chan finally answered.

"Changbin? You alright?" Chan asked with worry in his voice.

"We got a problem," Changbin sighed explaining the pinching pain he experienced earlier as well as his scorching hot shower.

"Are you sure you didn't accidentally bump up the hot water?"

"No," Changbin spat. "I'm not an idiot"

"Alright, alright," Chan surrendered. "It probably has something to do with your soulmate? It obviously isn't a radar or a counter… maybe it's a shared state?

"Who the fuck likes boiling hot showers?"

"I dunno. Some people do. Perhaps your soulmate is having a nice hot shower."

"Nice hot shower, my ass, I'm red all over and my skin feels so raw and sore that the air fucking hurts."

Chan sighs. "Just rub some cream on it and try not to irritate it too much."

Changbin grumbled. "Ok. Thanks, hyung."

Doing as he's told, Changbin eventually goes to bed, only sliding on a pair of boxers. Changbin changed the sheets to a thinner more lightweight one so it feels cool to the touch against his burning skin. Not that long after jumping in bed, he passed out stomach side down relishing on the cool sheets on his sensitive skin.

It was a peaceful slumber for what it's worth. Eventually he wakes up with a searing pain on his arms. Changbin woke up thrashing and hissing in pain. Changbin shoots up seeing his sheets stained red as several slashes ran across across his wrists. The slashes were irregular: some deep, some light scratches as red oozes out in droplets.

"What the fuck? What the fuck?" Changbin growled out the final word as he rushes to run it under cold water. Changbin gasped in agony as the cool water made it sting profusely. Grabbing a clean rag, he applied pressure to the wound.

Perhaps that was his link to his soulmate, a shared state? A sinking feeling washed over Changbin. Was his soulmate...hurting themselves? The scalding hot showers...the slashes on his wrist.

In curiosity, Changbin scribbles on his arm with a pen. ‘Why would you do this to yourself?’

You sobbed to yourself sitting in your tub still fully clothed. Your clothes were drenched as the water overfilled past the rim.

It hurt. Everything hurt. Life seemed to be so very cruel. Everything seemed to border "not good enough." No matter how hard you tried, you can never crawl out of your hole. Not only that, it seemed likely that the hope of a soulmate that would share an eternity with you for better or for worse never appeared. Chuckling darkly to yourself that even at birth the universe decided you were not good enough for a soulmate. Unlike everyone you're surrounded by, your skin remained naked and bare since the day you were born.

As morbid as it is, you held an exacto knife within your hand and you began carving brilliant strokes watching the red flow out. Despite the stinging and searing pain, it felt blissful. The weights of the world and failure seemed to apply pressure to your wounded heart. Each cut seemed to alleviate the pressure and it was addicting. Dipping your arm back into the water with the intention of adding the pained words that describe your being, you brought the blade to your flesh.

Ugly. Useless. Disappointed.

You paused as your breath hitched. You gasped out seeing intricate black ink started penning onto your arm just above the cut.

‘Why would you do this to yourself?’

You froze. Your eyes widened as you felt your heart sank down to your stomach. You swallowed the lump in your throat.

Did you… did you really have a soulmate? Was this him?

Tears welled up in your eyes upon realization that you indeed had a soulmate and that you were hurting him as well. You quickly scrambled out of the tub, the water sloshing loudly as it splashed onto the tile floor. You reached for your bag that you left on the closed lid of the porcelain toilet, rummaging through its content searching for a pen.

'I-it wasn’t… I didn’t mean to!' you scribbled onto your flesh.

“You didn’t ‘mean to’ but it just happens right?"

You broke into sobs. Not only you burdened everyone surrounding you, but you also burdened the one you were fated to be with. You haven't met the man or know the tone of his voice, but you can practically hear the condescending tone and imagine his annoyed and disappointed look.

Changbin sighed to himself, running his hand through his dark locks. He didn't mean to come off as a douchebag. He was just so overwhelmed with emotion, his fated to be was hurting themselves. A million thoughts was running through his mind. Who were you? What has pushed you to the point of self harm? How could he help? Could he even help? He felt a pang of pain in his heart, but he didn’t even know you so how could he feel so...heartbroken as if he had known you for years.

‘Take care of yourself, ok?’ Changbin scribbled before heading back to bed.

“What happened to you?!” Felix’s voice squeaked out examining Changbin’s forearms and prodding at the slashes.

“Ow! Lix!”

“ARE YOU DEPRESSED CHANGBIN?” Jisung boomed. “That is a big no no, come here so I can hug your depression away.”

“Jeez, can you be any louder?” Changbin shushed looking around. “I’m not depressed, ok!”

“You could’ve at least bandaged it,” Felix grumbled as he began disinfecting the wound.

“So it’s your soulmate?” Chan whispered.

“Jesus, Chan. You look like death!” Changbin exclaimed. Chan’s brown hair was heavily disheveled as his prominent dark bags decorated his pale skin.

“Sorry,” Chan shrugged. “I was trying to figure out your soulmate problem. I think your gift is communication.”

“Yea, I know,” Changbin folded up his sleeves, revealing the text he left.

“You should talk to them,” Jisung looked at Changbin with hopeful eyes. “Maybe they just need someone to talk to.”

“It isn’t my business though,” Changbin mumbled.

“They’re your soulmate, it IS your business,” Felix exclaimed.

“Just start it slow, don’t overwhelm them,” Chan suggested.

Changbin’s shoulders slumped. “What do I even say?”

“I know!” Jisung beamed, raising a hand up.

“Oh no,” three boys’ voices rang out in unison.

‘Have a good day, ok? :)’ Jisung smiled proudly after scribbling the message.

“That’s...actually pretty tame,” Chan merely stated returning to his seat.

“What do you mean ‘tame’? What were you expecting?!” Jisung stammered at the eldest.

“The worst.”

“Felix!” Jisung whined.

‘Have a good day, ok? :)’

You chuckled softly at the words that appeared on your skin. Your heart completed leaps in your chest as butterflies erupted within you. You wiped away your tears as you saw a sight of that glimmer of hope: the hope of a soulmate.

‘Thank you. I hope you do, too :)’

Changbin and his soulmate has spent day to day leaving small remarks and comments onto their skin. Changbin’s heart swelled with joy knowing that he’s making a difference in his soulmate’s life. There were no more self degrading comments, scorching showers or deep slashes to the skin. There was the occasional deep chill, but you insisted that it was cold where you were. Changbin didn’t want to invade on your personal space so he never asked where you lived. Changbin was soon caught up in midterms as his workload stacked up so he never really had the time to write you small messages. It had been two weeks since Changbin scribbled onto his arm.

But not all good things seemed to last. Changbin was working on some music with his two buddies, Chan and Jisung. The three of them enjoyed writing music as music production majors. Changbin had earbuds in as he’s nodding his head listening to the sample Chan came up with.

“I dunno,” Chan started. “Could use a little more bass, don’t you think?”

Changbin nodded hesitantly. “Yeah, you could try-- Aah!”

“Changbin!” the two boys shot up from their seats to run to Changbin’s side. Changbin doubled over in pain as his thighs began to throb horrible and excruciating pain tore through the flesh. With shaky hands, he pulled back the thin fabric of his shorts revealing rather deep cuts and slashes that ran down his inner thighs.

“Oh my god, Changbin,” Chan gasped out. “Jisung get the first aid kit!”

The youngest jumped and scrambled out of the room, banging his hip ungracefully on the door frame.

“Changbin, are you alright?!” Chan tried to comfort the younger.

”Y-yea, but my soulmate-” Changbin gasped.

Frantically, Chan reached for a pen that Jisung was previously fiddling with as he scribbled something on Changbin’s thighs. The slashes kept appearing and Changbin choked out a sob with every single one. Soon markings of a word began to form.

D I S A P O I N

‘Please stop, you’re hurting him and yourself!’

The slashes stopped momentarily as Changbin now had a moment to breathe.

‘I’m sorry. I thought it was ok to do it in a less obvious spot...’

‘In what world, did you think it was ok?!’

“Hyung, stop,” Changbin pushed his hyung off.

“Changbin! Every struggle is two ways, you’re hurting, too” Chan lectured.

“I’m here! I’m here!” Jisung barreled in with a red box. Chan immediately went to work disinfecting and bandaging the wounds.

“Hand me the pen,” Changbin commanded as he winced at the stinging paint of the alcohol.

‘Why are you doing this? Stop.’ Changbin wrote on his forearm.

‘I deserve this pain.’

‘Why are you saying this?’ Changbin’s heart broke at your last statement.

‘It just hurts so much. Living day by day in failure and never being good enough. No one cares about me. I thought you did. I thought you CARED!’

‘I did, but apparently, it wasn’t enough.’

‘You left me alone for two weeks, when I needed you the most.’

‘Well, I’m sorry. I have a life too.’ Changbin didn’t necessarily meant\ to sound harsh or snappy, but sometimes life gets in the way

‘I’m sorry. I can’t do this anymore. I hope you’re happy.’

Changbin’s heart has dropped to his stomach. Changbin visibly stiffened up as he began to tremble. His breathing accelerated as he heard his heart thumping loudly in his ears as fear wracked his body.

“Changbin? What happened?” Chan asked warily reaching out to his arm.

“Hyung?” Jisung spoke out in a small voice, reading the text in his arm. “What does that mean?”

Confused, Chan stood up to stand by Changbin’s side to read the writing there. Gasping, Chan wrested the writing utensil from Changbin’s stiff grip.

‘Please stop. Don’t do what we’re thinking. Please, where are you?’

The atmosphere was tense and heavy. The only sound that permeated throughout the room was Changbin’s heavy breathing.

‘Please,’ Chan scribbled once more. With shaky hands, the words came out similar to chicken scratch.

Changbin erupted in a fit of coughs as he stumbled out of his chair.

“Changbin!” “Hyung!” Chan and Jisung called bending down to his level and rubbing his back.

Changbin fell to his knees as he doubled over gasping and wheezing. His hands flew to his neck as fingers frantically rubbed and scratched at the flesh. Chan and Jisung in a panic grabbed at Changbin’s arms to prevent him from injuring his neck.

“Oh my god,” Chan gasped out in horror.

On Changbin’s neck were rope burns. The flesh was raw and red and slowly turning purple from the bruising. Changbin kept gasping for air feeling like he couldn’t breathe, but in reality he was breathing just fine. Black spots dotted Changbin’s vision as the world began to spin. Changbin collapsed into Chan’s arms unconscious as his breathing slowly steadies out.

Meanwhile, your world turned to black as you swung softly back and forth as you took your final breath.

#stray kids #skz #stray kids angst #stray kids changbin #skz changbin #seo changbin #stray kids imagine

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wxsuthorn · 4 years ago

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my experience of being insecure of my body boggles my mind lmao. tw body image.

When I lived abroad I was overweight and was constantly made fun of for being fat. I went to an international school, but there were mostly white and asian kids in my school. I was mixed and didn’t look completely white nor completely asian, so i felt a bit alienated and hated the way I looked.

Fast forward to me moving to good ol’ murica. I went to a public school and i was just figuring out my sexuality and gender identity, so lmao i felt even more alienated. Plus everyone dude in my class would randomly shout “aRe YoU aSsUmInG mY GeNdEr?!?!” and istg every day i felt homicidal rage—

lmao anyways my body image started getting worse from gender dysphoria. i just didn’t like my body cuz it didn’t match what i identified with, plus i still thought i wasn’t skinny enough. During the year i moved, my mom was always saying “dont eat this, your not eating enough, your eating to much” and blah blah blah whatever. And i was like well shit :D and on my birthday she threw away my cake and im still salty about it today >:( i had to watch my 3 friends eat my bday cake without getting any cake for myself lmaooooo. I haven’t had a birthday party since then.

A year after i moved to the states i lost weight and got wayyyy taller, so i felt happier that i was skinnier. on my finsta i would say shit like “I lost ten lbs!!” and some dude in my health class who followed me dmed me asking “r u anorexic” and i was like:

👁👄👁

lmao anyways fast forward to during quarantine: i hated my body so fucking much and i ate an estimated 500 calories a day for 2 months and lost even more weight. I was malnourished and my anxiety was getting more serious so a bunch of physical symptoms occured and i was like wtf why do i feel like i ran an marathon while choking on a fucking shoe. so i went to the doctor and got blood tested and shit and i didnt have any disease or anything like that. it was all due to mental issues and shit.

Here comes the funny part:

i kept on getting skinnier due to the semi-eating disorder-anxiety-thing but i still thought i wasn’t skinny enough. and like i was insecure cuz i didn’t have a flat stomach and that my torso was wide... but i hadn’t seen an actual human being for so long so i couldn’t really grasp what the “average human body” was supposed to look like. my dad was over weight, my mom lost 20 lbs due to diabetes and got way skinnier, my brother was 80% muscles, and im just some enby who can’t eat enough to maintain their weight. So when i come back to school after quarantine, i realised i was actually way skinner than i thought...

my friend who i thought was wayyyy skinnier than me weighed more than me and was around my same height.

i have a thigh gap and almost zero thigh cleavage compared to the people in my grade

my friend who is shorter than me is 30 lbs heavier than me and i still thought their body was “better” than mine (not implying that skinny bodies are better, i just thought that i personally had to be skinnier to be considered less ugly)

nobody could relate to me when i said shit like “ugh i hate how my scapula always scrapes against my backpack whenever i move my arm” or “i always massage my back thinking i have tight muscles but im just massaged my ribcage lmao and i still have back pain” or “i can’t sit on a non-cusiony surface other wise id feel like my bones are digging into the chair/surface lmaooo”

and these things made me realise holy shit im like... too skinny now? so i went from being insecure of my body cuz i wasn’t skinny enough to being insecure of my body cuz im too skinny lmaooooo.

#pond rants #tw body image #tw//body image

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gendryatrash · 5 years ago

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To be honest, is Gendry really good enough for Arya?

A big fat YES, anon. I strongly believe so. Out of all the characters in asoiaf, I’d argue that Gendry is the perfect character for Arya Stark who isn’t her relative (Jon) lmao. In answering this, I’ll mostly refer to book!gendry since show!gendry is so different from him aside from the fact that they both love Arya. Nonetheless, despite all their differences, I still believe that Gendry himself in whatever life or medium his character is portrayed in truly deserves to be with Arya.

So here are the reasons why Gendry is ‘good enough’ for his lady:

In answering the question whether someone is good enough for a person, I think it’s important to first consider the character with whom they are being linked to. In this case, the character we’re analyzing is that of Arya and-

1. Arya Stark loves who she loves.

When it comes to building relationships, I believe that Arya is the kind of character that isn’t caught up with other people’s place in the social ladder or in social hierarchy in itself. Since I think that this is mostly the reason why people would believe they shouldn’t be together given that she’s obviously a lady and Gendry, aside from being an unrecognized bastard, is only a blacksmith (which isn’t bad in itself but is still considered lowborn). I strongly believe that Arya is not the kind of character to base her affections on people’s station in life since the text itself says that Arya befriends and protects people from all walks of life as she did with the butcher’s son Mycah to Weasel a young girl she had no responsibility of taking care of but did. In short, Arya Stark loves who she loves. It was never a question of who you are for her, she loves people for the reason of loving them. Arya’s heart and compassion for different people is seen in the books and I believe that this extends with who she might choose to end up with in the future. She already thinks highly of Gendry and actually considers him to be a friend and companion of hers that it really broke her heart when Gendry decided to stay with the Brotherhood Without Banners. Arya, in letting people into her life, would never let any social status stop her from admiring and choosing a person she already confides with and thinks highly of.

Now onto more reasons why Gendry is awesome!

2. Gendry is literally a pure human bean

Aside from the fact that Arya doesn’t give a damn about labels, Gendry himself as a character is one of the purest in the whole story. I mean, this dude who had zero idea about who Arya is, decided to help her protect herself from bullies that wanted to take advantage of a small and seemingly defenseless kid. He literally could’ve minded his own business because he seemed indifferent as fuck when he was first introduced through Ned’s pov but that wasn’t what happened here. Gendry was literally that supportive friend you have who coaches you where the next punch is coming from to help you protect yourself. From the get go, it’s established that Gendry and Arya are equals and it’s amazing (there’s more to this but i’ll shut up about this for now). Moreover, Gendry doesn’t want to hurt a single hair in Arya’s body whether accidental or not as seen in this passage:

“Want to fight?” she asked the Bull. She wanted to hit something.

He blinked at her, startled. Strands of thick black hair, still wet from the bathhouse, fell across his deep blue eyes.

“I’d hurt you.”

“You would not.”

“You don’t know how strong I am.”

“You don’t know how quick I am.”

“You’re asking for it, Arry.” He drew Praed’s longsword. “This is cheap steel, but it’s a real sword.” Arya unsheathed Needle. “This is good steel, so it’s realer than yours.”

The Bull shook his head. “Promise not to cry if I cut you?”

“I’ll promise if you will.” (ACOK)

It’s adorable that despite his size and intimidating appearance, Gendry is such a softie who doesn’t want to hurt his friends even though it’s unintentional. And let’s also not forget that Gendry literally gets all flustered and dumb whenever girls are in the equation. Dude blushes just from the thought of girls and literally walks out when a girl shows interest. Like. What an adorable awkward Boy!! It’s real cute that Gendry is so innocent about sex and romantic relationships because in that way, his youth was highlighted. And paired with Arya who grew up with him in that same level of innocence, they make a hecking adorable example of literally childhood friends who could turn into so much more when they grow older.

3. Gendry is not only a skillful smith, he’s also a smart boy

Now let’s talk about how Gendry is good at his craft. It’s said in the books that he was still an apprentice to Tobho Mott when he was taken by the Night’s Watch to go to the wall. But even with this, Gendry clearly possess the skills and passion it takes to make a great smith and armorer in the future.

Almost shyly, the boy led them to his bench, and a steel helm shaped like a bull’s head, with two great curving horns. Ned turned the helm over in his hands. It was raw steel, unpolished but expertly shaped. “This is fine work. I would be pleased if you would let me buy it.” (GOT)

“I did my work, is all. Bellows and tongs and fetch and carry. I was s’posed to be an armorer, and one day Master Mott says I got to join the Night’s Watch, that’s all I know.” Then he’d go off to polish his helm. It was a beautiful helm, rounded and curved, with a slit visor and two great metal bull’s horns. Arya would watch him polish the metal with an oilcloth, shining it so bright you could see the flames of the cookfire reflected in the steel. Yet he never actually put it on his head. (ACOK)

As she passed the armory, Arya heard the ring of a hammer. A deep orange glow shone through the high windows. She climbed to the roof and peeked down. Gendry was beating out a breastplate. When he worked, nothing existed for him but metal, bellows, fire. The hammer was like part of his arm. She watched the play of muscles in his chest and listened to the steel music he made. He’s strong, she thought. (ACOK)

Gendry was only spared because he’d admitted to forging the horned helm himself; smiths, even apprentice smiths, were too valuable to kill. (ACOK)

“Master Mott said it was time I made my first longsword. He gave me a sweet piece of steel, and I knew just how I wanted to shape the blade. Only Yoren came, and took me away for the Night’s Watch.” (ASOS)

“I could shoe him for you,” said Gendry, all of a sudden. “I was only a ’prentice, but my master said my hand was made to hold a hammer. I can shoe horses, close up rents in mail, and beat the dents from plate. I bet I could make swords too.” (ASOS)

From this, we could see that it wasn’t only Arya who saw Gendry’s skill and passion for smithing. We get to see this sentiment repeated coming from different characters like Ned and Tobho Mott.

And Yes, despite all the jokes about Gendry being a stupid bastard, he’s actually quite smart especially considering that he hasn’t really acquired formal education like one taught by maesters since he’s only a bastard boy. But looking at passages from the books, Gendry was the voice of reason in their gang and he actively joins in on conversations and adds his own input and suggestions.

Look with your eyes, Arya wanted to shout at the men below. “Can’t they see we’re no lords or knights?” she whispered. “I don’t think they care, Arry,” Gendry whispered back. And she looked at Ser Amory’s face, the way Syrio had taught her to look, and she saw that he was right. (ACOK)

“They would have burned the lake if they could have,” Gendry had said,

and Arya knew he was right. (ACOK)

It was Gendry who thought of the lord’s towerhouse and the three that Yoren had sent to hold it. (ACOK)

“There’s nails,” Lommy pointed out. “And there’s trees all around. We could build us all boats.” Yoren spat. “You know anything ‘bout boat-building, dyer’s boy?” Lommy looked blank. “A raft,” suggested Gendry. “Anyone can build a raft, and long poles for pushing.” Yoren looked thoughtful. “Lake’s too deep to pole across, but if we stayed to the shallows near shore … it’d mean leaving the wagons. Might be that’s best. I’ll sleep on it.” (ACOK)

Gendry wanted no part of any roads, and even Hot Pie and Lommy saw the sense in that. (ACOK)

“The river bends and loops,” said Gendry. “This is just a shorter way, I bet. Some secret outlaw way. Lem and Tom and them have been living here for years.” That was true. Arya bit her lip. (ACOK)

“If there’s people, there’s food,” Hot Pie said, too loudly. Gendry was always telling him to be more quiet, but it never did any good. “Might be they’d give us some.” “Might be they’d kill us too,” Gendry said. (ACOK)

Gendry frowned. “Knights and lordlings, they take each other captive and pay ransoms, but they don’t care if the likes of you yield or not.” (ACOK)

These are just some quotes showing us how street smart and perceptive Gendry is. And I really believe that if he was only given the chance to have proper education, he would have been knowledgeable about other subjects too since even without it, he’s already seen as someone with valid and reliable suggestions.

4. Gendry is honorable and loyal

Gendry is one of the few characters in the series who is actually honorable. Right from the start, he doesn’t see the point of changing who he is just for the sake of other people, be it noble or not. He lives and works for his own, not feeling the need to ever take advantage of someone just so he could feel better about himself. Before his and Arya’s path crossed, he worked peacefully and kept to himself, expecting others to do the same. To quote a scene i previously mentioned,

Ned turned the helm over in his hands. It was raw steel, unpolished but expertly shaped. “This is fine work. I would be pleased if you would let me buy it.” The boy snatched it out of his hands. “It’s not for sale.” Tobho Mott looked horror-struck. “Boy, this is the King’s Hand. If his lordship wants this helm, make him a gift of it. He honors you by asking.” “I made it for me,” the boy said stubbornly. “A hundred pardons, my lord,” his master said hurriedly to Ned. “The boy is crude as new steel, and like new steel would profit from some beating.” (GOT)

While Tobho Mott thought that it was rude of Gendry to act the way he did, personally I see this as Gendry being true to himself by being honest regardless of the social pressure he constantly face to bow down to nobility.

Moreover, loyalty is another one of Gendry’s characteristics that makes him such a good partner for Arya. While his father, Robert, couldn’t keep his pants on for the life of him, Gendry couldn’t even handle being flirted by other girls. The only time we could see Gendry flirt with anyone openly and happily is with Arya. He even fled the scene when Bella was tempting him back at the inn and this gets to show that Gendry is the exact opposite of Robert, implying that he would be a loyal partner even in the future. Additionally, he also shows his loyalty through his commitment to the masters he thought are fair starting from Tobho Mott and ultimately with the Brotherhood Without Banners.

A sword’s a sword, a helm’s a helm, and if you reach in the fire you get burned, no matter who you’re serving. Lucan’s a fair enough master. I’ll stay here.” (ACOK)

“A smith can find a welcome most anywhere. A skilled armorer even more so. Why would you choose to stay with us?” Arya watched Gendry screw up his stupid face, thinking. “At the hollow hill, what you said about being King Robert’s men, and brothers, I liked that. I liked that you gave the Hound a trial. Lord Bolton just hanged folk or took off their heads, and Lord Tywin and Ser Amory were the same. I’d sooner smith for you.” (ASOS)

Later in ASOS, Gendry is shown to take account of the fairness of the brotherhood and it influences his decision a lot. Thinking that being with Arya while she’s highborn and he’s not to be too painful, he opted to serve for a cause he believes to be just. He seeks out honorable men and this mirrors how honorable he is too.

5. He respects Arya Stark. BIG TIME.

Right from ACOK, Gendry and Arya’s tandem was built on insulting each other but still listening to one another’s opinion. Now what I love the most about these two dorks is that deep down, they really do respect each other. Moreover, he does not only respect her by following what she says but he also shows it by keeping her secret safe and by protecting Arya in a way that doesn’t invalidate her skills. We could see this from the very moment they met after Arya whacked Hot Pie in the face for wanting to take Needle from her,

The Bull shouted, “Behind you,” and Arya spun. Hot Pie was on his knees, his fist closing around a big jagged rock. She let him throw it, ducking her head as it sailed past. Then she flew at him. He raised a hand and she hit it, and then his cheek, and then his knee. (ACOK)

Here’s more instances when Gendry protected Arya while acknowledging that Arya knows what she’s doing and he just wants to let her know that he’s there ready to kick some ass if ever she needs it

Broken Nose guffawed. The officer looked her up and down. “Put the blade away, little girl, no one wants to hurt you.

“I’m not a girl!” she yelled, furious. What was wrong with them? They rode all this way for her and here she was and they were just smiling at her. “I’m the one you want.” “He’s the one we want.” The officer jabbed his shortsword toward the Bull, who’d come forward to stand beside her, Praed’s cheap steel in his hand. (ACOK)

Arya edged backward away from the wagon. When she felt the hand on her shoulder, she whirled, bringing up her stick sword again, but it was only the Bull. “What are you doing?” He raised his hands defensively. “Yoren said none of us should go near those three.” (ACOK)

“Lommy could steal, if it wasn’t for his leg,” said Hot Pie. “He was a thief in the city.” “A bad thief,” Arya said, “or he wouldn’t have got caught.” Gendry squinted up at the sun. “Evenfall will be the best time to sneak in. I’ll go scout come dark.”

“No, I’ll go,” Arya said.“You’re too noisy.”

Gendry got that look on his face. “We’ll both go.”

“Arry should go,” said Lommy. “He’s sneakier than you are.”

“We’ll both go, I said.” (ACOK)

I noticed how Gendry was literally Arya’s sidekick and I see that as him helping her protect herself because Gendry believes in Arya and he doesn’t see her as a fragile object that might easily break.

And lastly, Gendry not only respects Arya Stark’s skills and opinions. He respects her feelings too. And we clearly get to see this when he apologized to Arya for wanting to stay with the Brotherhood (even tho we all know he did that partly because of his belief that he’s way too lowborn for his milady),

As Arya was cinching her saddle girth, Gendry came up to say that he was sorry. She put a foot in the stirrup and swung up into her saddle, so she could look down on him instead of up.You could have made swords at Riverrun for my brother , she thought, but what she said was, “If you want to be some stupid outlaw knight and get hanged, why should I care? I’ll be at Riverrun, ransomed, with my brother.” (ASOS)

The quotes i’ve included here have been quoted many times already and my answer is getting too long now but all I know is that Arya deserves someone who respects her, including all the skills, opinions, and feelings that she have. And I know for sure that Gendry is the kind of man to do so because he’s shown time and time again how much he respects his lady and everything about her. Gendry is a skilled smith, an honorable and loyal person, and most of all, he respects and cares for Arya Stark. And due to these reasons, Arya admires him and I believe that’s enough reason for me to think that Gendry indeed, deserves to be with his lady.

#gendry waters #gendry baratheon #i love gendry with my whole heart and id defend him to the ends of the world #a lot of the points i made here have already been made by countless metas before #and i think these points have already been raised by other metas before #because gendry really is all that in the books #he's amazing #maria.txt #asks #anon

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chimbbles · 5 years ago

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showering with johnny

↬ pairing: johnny x reader

↬ genre: fluff + like .2 suggestive smut lmao

↬ word count: 1.2k

coming home after a long day outside, you’ll be greeted by the disappointment that is the shower already running- johnny started the shower before you could make it back. you pout, even if he’s not physically there to see it. you thought you guys had a deal.

trudging into the bedroom you’ve discarded most of your clothes, a messy trail of it left behind as evidence while you make your way to the bathroom.

you open the door as quiet as you can, determined to keep your plan intact. you’re already naked, and the hot steam escaping through the door blasts on your face, a mild contrast to the chilly bedroom atmosphere.

stepping in, you check if he can spot you and possibly ruin your surprise, but it seems even the odds are with you when he has his back towards you, completely unaware of your presence. tiptoeing your way to him you hold your breath whilst sliding into the shower with him, as if any breath you take will blow your cover.

in one swift motion you curl your hands around his waist, locking him in place as you playfully bite down on his shoulder blades.

the little jump he does is not mistaken, so are the goosebumps forming on his skin. success is yours and revenge is yours to take. you only discovered how warm his skin was against yours, feeling a bit guilty as it must’ve scared him even more.

“can’t believe you would betray me like this,” he offers you a chuckle, turning around to face you, “exchanging me for a warm shower.”

his laugh makes you feel hot, even more so when trapped in the temperature of the shower. he runs his wet fingers across your cheeks, the smile he gives you makes you feel like your chest could burst anytime, and all that will come out is the love and adoration you feel for this man.

“wouldn’t trade you for anything in the world, my love,” kissing your forehead, he further shields you from the downpour behind him with his towering height, “I couldn’t stand the grime from practice. you wouldn’t wanna kiss a dirty johnny, would you?”

you curse internally at how he makes you feel, even after two years of dating every word he says feels like the first, and the charm in his voice never loses, if anything, his affection for you emphasizes it even more.

he looks absolutely ethereal, full display of his love for you genuine in his eyes, zero doubt flowing in them, with his back to the pouring droplets; like the moment freezes just so you could admire him even more.

he lowers his head down to place a gentle kiss on your lips, smiling when he pulls back, “welcome home, my angel.” for second you’re wooed, until you can taste the minty toothpaste he uses, he even brushed his teeth without you, your whole night routine without you.

you let him wrap his arms around you, switching positions until you’re the one under the shower. you can’t open your eyes to see what he’s doing, not without big fat droplets of water trying to attack your vision.

you get a bit nervous, because you don’t like being under the shower too long, and johnny knows this, so he turns it off after he’s got your hair all wet, using your shampoo to help cleanse.

you take a deep breath and just relax in his hold, letting his big palms run over your scalp and simultaneously massage it, working the shampoo in or trying to send you into deep bliss, you’re not too sure.

after he’s done with your hair he annoyingly rubs the remaining bubbles onto your body, letting it gathering in a spot before going to get his own body gel, smoothing it over your shoulders, then your arms.

he slowly descends down, over your chest, tummy, and soon your legs. you’re so wrapped up in the calming manner of his actions you don’t actually register his disappearance from next to your head, and the next time he shows up his face is near your butt, because you can feel him breath out dangerously close to it.

you gasp when his fingers slid across down there, opening your eyes to see his finger poking through on the other side. he sneakily continues, repetitively running his finger over you and even going as far as rubbing you.

by the time he gets back up to face you you’re hot and bothered, face further flushed from his sudden crude actions. cheekily, he sends a grin your way, diligently avoiding when you lean forward to kiss him.

you don’t get to protest before you’re shoved under the running shower, water splashing hard onto your face once again. johnny washes off your shampoo from the back, occasionally leaning down to fit in quick pecks on your shoulders.

when he’s off to clean your body you stun him with a quick turn behind, smashing your lips onto his and wrapping your arms around his neck, this time it’s your turn to hold him in place while you have your way with him.

you guys share a longing kiss under the heavy deluge of water, reenacting that ‘kiss in the rain’ scene from romance movies, completely unbothered by the water bouncing off each others’ skin.

johnny pushes you off his lap when things start to get more heated, turning down your advances, like your attempt to hoist your legs around him. he breaks the kiss to chuckle, wiping the bubbles that oddly got onto his lips with the back of his hand, “later, okay? it’s dangerous in the shower.”

“should’ve thought of that when you touched me all of a sudden,” you huff out.

“are you saying you didn’t like it?” johnny teases back, and it’s starting to poke annoyingly at your frustration but he continues to wash off the remaining shower gel without a care in the world.

not long after both of you finally get out of the shower, drying yourselves off with your towels in front of the fogged up mirror. johnny closes the distance between you guys after he’s finished, swooping you into a big warm hug- one that tugs on your heartstrings more than you care to admit.

he leans down to take a whiff of your neck, humming approvingly when the scent hits his nostrils. “you smell like me, I like that,” of course he does, it was his secret wish all along, like you wearing his clothes weren’t enough, he wanted you to smell like him all the time.

he stumbles back a bit when you give him a rather hard shove, his big frame wasn’t the easiest to get by. hopping onto the marble table stop, you ignore the cold biting into your freshly showered skin, and spread your legs wide open in front of him, prompting him to pick up where he left off.

his surprise dies down with a smirk plastered on his face, walking over to you to hold you in his arms, “we just showered,”

“are you going to break a second promise tonight? not wanting to brush your teeth again?”

a loud laugh bubbles through his chest and out his beautifully plump lips, not even the slightest fazed at your discovery.

slowly, he kneels before you, pulling onto you to adjust your position, legs hanging off the ledge and you presented right in front of him, like his next meal. “this puts the fiasco behind us, deal?”

he doesn’t wait for your answer before he dives in, making a mess of you on the counter top, unknowingly putting in more effort when he remembers that small bathroom window on top of the toilet, getting excited when he thinks about the neighbors possibly figuring out your activities if he makes you moan loud enough.

he doesn’t hold back, because he thinks if it does get too dirty, he gets another excuse to hop into the shower with you again.

#listen #johnny is the king of endearments #don't fight me on this #johnny fluff #johnny smut #nct johnny #nct fluff #nct smut #mine

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mellz117 · 5 years ago

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Hello and welcome to the start of Mellz Plays Kingdom Hearts Re:CoM on the Playstation 2; Riku’s campaign

If you haven’t seen my thoughts on Sora’s story, why not start with Part 1? For the 5 of you who’ve been following along since then, welcome back! Check out the rest under the read more! I’m playing on standard difficulty so if I’m having a hard time, I just suck.

So we, as Riku wake up in the basement of Castle Oblivion. How did he get there? Sora just waltzed in like it was no big deal. Riku has to materialize in a cold basement and be woken up by the disembodied voice of an all too familiar bastard… Who has a new voice.

Thanks for the card, voice of Ansem, “Seeker of Darkness”. That ain’t him. It’s been almost 10 years and I don’t remember much of this game but I know that new Richard Epcar voice ain’t Ansem.

Riku’s got no time to waste, he’s a man on a mission.

So we get a melancholy scene with Riku happening upon the room Maleficent gave him during his association with her in the first game. Memories he’d rather forget.

After progressing a bit, the disembodied voice returns once again to taunt Riku. “You cast aside your home, your friends, the darkness. What else do you have? Nothing. Your heart is as empty as your old room.”

It’s so weird playing as Riku but I hope we get more of that beyond KH3 (ReMind hasn’t released at the time of writing this)

Alot of this game so far has been me saying “I don’t remember this”… …So I don’t remember Riku’s level up system being this different to Sora’s.

…well that’s bullshit. I vaguely remember that. The fact that I can’t even edit the order my cards appear to me in battle is even more bullshit. I like to organize my cards by type and value until I’m forced to use a different method.

So I dont have to wait for the reload gauge to count down, it’s immediate and I dont lose a card on every reload like I thought I remembered… What’s the catch? I don’t trust like that.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

We meet up with Maleficent at the end of the map. She’s 100% aware she’s a figment of Riku’s memory. Riku is none too pleased to see her.

I love his sass

Riku’s ready to kick the asses of everyone corrupted by darkness, including his own, he says. Time for a dragon fight because otherwise Maleficent isn’t a threat apparently lmao. I don’t think the mcguffen card even showed up.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

Oh look it’s that asshole. Or is it? Dun dun dunnnnn. God his lips look soft. Why was this necessary???

So who has dominion over this castle? Marluxia, or Ansem?

This fucker is like “Sonny, you couldn’t even win against Sora. You don’t stand a chance against me”.

You have a teenager lying on the ground... Please reword your demands.

Oh my god it’s Mickey Mouse! well… sort of. He’s a bright light. Gives Riku some nice words to keep him going.

Knowing what I know now about the Guardian heartless bro, everything is so much worse…

……………………………………………………………………………………………

Ooh first scene with the boys in the dark room. “Don’t I even warrant a hello, Lexaeus?” I don’t remember seeing this as funny before but now, like 10 years later I appreciate how funny it truly is. Zexion sounds so insulted.. Lexaeus is a man of few words. Then Vexen shows up and he’s getting right down to business. Zexion’s like “Nice to see you too. We all used to be so close, what happened?”

Vexen’s all offended about that and gets pissy about “rank this, rank that, ooh I’m number 4, you shrimpy child.” as if your number indicated rank. Xigbar is the 2nd member but Xemnas’s 2nd in command is Saix (from my understanding) so sit your ass down, Vex.

So Zexion’s special talent? He smells people.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

Riku smells people too?. Oh ok he can smell the darkness in his skin. Take a shower! …When was the last time he even got the opportunity?

Mickey appears before him and tells him some words of encouragement. He’s transparent because he can’t fully manifest in the castle right now. So where’s the other 50% opacity hanging out at?

“We shook hands in our hearts” omg…

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Let’s go to Neverland first yay. I did a team attack with Mickey. I remember that!

Imagine being in Riku’s stupid, dumb, giant, anime boy shoes… addressing a giant, bipedal mouse as “Your Majesty”……….. Actually my sister and I used to do that back in the day when we both were obsessed with the series. Regardless of context we’d call him “King Mickey”. It makes me cringe thinking back on it.

Oh I was gonna try to challenge myself to avoid using the dark power but I guess I dont have a choice but to use it. Might as well put points into it if that’s the case.

uses Key to Beginnings, is immediately thrown into a battle with Captain Hook oh I guess we’re not focusing on any events in these worlds they’re literally just to pad out Riku’s story. Riku is officially less Disney than Sora.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

How does Zexy know who Riku is? “Riku is here because Sora is here”. Vex that makes zero sense. What else is new?

Agrabah. Uneventful. Riku is not good at hitting small targets. Had a hell of a time fighting Jafar, or rather beating Iago to a pulp, in comparison to playing as Sora.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

Next scene, and immediately like NO breath between the fade in and the scene itself, Vexen appears. And in even less time after he appears, “I take it you’re Riku?” This mofo has no time to waste. He’s a busy man.

Riku’s already tired of his bullshit and is ready to FIGHT. Same, Riku. Same.

I had him stun locked during most of this battle.

I JUST LOVE RIKU’S COMPLETE LACK OF FUCKS GIVEN HE’LL BEAT VEXEN’S SHIELD WITH HIS FISTS AND POMMEL

Vexen is a fucking twerp. And seems alot more crazy, mad scientist-y when interacting with Riku than Sora. Emphasis on “mad”. He cray

Why do they hang out in the dark? I mean, why no lamps? All I can imagine is them hanging out and barely able to actually see each other. The only way anyone knows who’s there is because Zexion can smell people, everyone else just assumes Lexaeus is there, Vexen won’t shut up about something something science, and Axel likes to hear himself talk.

Fat boi

……………………………………………………………………………………………

Zexion and Lexaeus are talking about what’s going on, I’m still not sure what they’re doing here. Like, do they want Sora for the Organization? But Marluxia wants Sora as his personal puppet? What about Roxas? Isn’t he like, in a coma or something? Just kill Sora, Roxas will wake up, and SOMEONE’S got a Keyblade wielder again. Lex says Vexen hates Marluxia and things with the replica could turn out disastrously because of it. What IS Vexen’s beef with Marly?

Ok I know it’s to pad out a second campaign but why does Riku go to SORA’S memory worlds? Unless Riku stalked him throughout the entirety of KH1, or had so visit them for darkness missions, and those are his memories as well? Idk, it doesn’t have to be explicitly stated

Oh no Riku, it’s you.

So at this point he’s aware hes a copy? Does he forget later? With Namine’s meddling? How does Vexen create a living, breathing entity out of battle data? Like, where did the body come from? Did he have it on standby for a while until the right moment?

“You’re afraid of the dark” Repliku states.. Lmao yeah, Riku- he still sleeps with a night light. Don’t tell Sora.

Repliku is like, a worse Riku as far as personality goes. The punk-ass bitch Riku from KH1 but worse. Repliku is quick to ditch the double pants with suspenders and ankle belts for a muscle suit and grass skirt. I’m not sure which one’s worse.

FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! I got two level ups out of that!

I high key love Repliku’s laugh here when Riku tries to attacks him again RIGHT AFTER THEIR FIGHT. It’s adorable, hilarious, and creepy. GG David Gallagher! Check out that video if you want. [video]

Dutch angles make everything more dramatic. Unofficial rule no. 1 of cinema. Repliku peaces out and we give chase up another flight of stairs and another cutscene plays. Repliku joins Zexion, Lexaeus, and Vexen in the dark room and they talk about introducing him to Sora.

Riku finds himself alone on the next floor, yelling at empty air. Ansem shows up to taunt Riku again. This dude just doesn’t quit. God forbid he learns no means go the fuck away.

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Oh hey we’re in Atlantica! Maybe Riku can wash that darkness smell off his skin. Oh wait the water doesn’t really exist. And hes just a human, not swimming like a mermaid. Give me mer-Riku, you cowards. Twiggy mer-Sora is funny, twiggy mer-Riku with buff arms would be HYSTERICAL. I had a difficult time with Ursula because poor card management and I’m avoiding battles to get this game over with, which kinda shoots me in the foot as I’m not leveling up.

Yeah I was right, he ends up thinking HE’S Riku. I honestly feel bad for the guy… he’s so scared and betrayed. I know I was shit talking him just a bit ago but I need to protect Repliku. [video]

……………………………………………………………………………………………

Give Riku a Halloween Town outfit, you cowards.

This scene between Repliku and Namine is so bittersweet. [video] Just listen to how gentle he talks to Namine. Oh, my heart cannot handle it.

This game makes me so sad. Poor Repliku, poor Namine… Larxene continues to be The Worst. Like, the ABSOLUTE worst. Was Elrena like this?

(I keep getting progressively more and more angry because I can’t upload a video file to this on desktop but I can on mobile, but if I post a video on mobile I can’t edit a read more on desktop. AND I HAVE THREE VIDEOS I WANT TO PUT IN. SO I MADE A BLOG SPECIFICALLY SO I CAN POST THEM THERE AND LINK THEM HERE)

See you in part 2, where I will continue to drag Larxene.

#mellz plays kh recom #Kingdom Hearts series #kh recom #kingdom hearts re:chain of memories #square enix #Playstation 2 #mellz post

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jinniesmeow · 5 years ago

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good evening. this is a very long rant. if you’ve been tagged in this, it means I have a message for you :’) it’s at the bottom of the post, and that’s the most important part, so dear mutuals, feel free to just go read that part and don’t feel forced to read all that bullcrap I've written. thank you if you do, thank you if you don’t.

if we’re not mutuals and you’re reading this, well I guess thank you because this is hella long and cliché af. I'm sorry to everyone for this. though it kinda has nothing to do with what I'm saying, I was feeling particularly gay tonight and I'm in my feelings right now so yeah. if you’re willing to read, just click, you know how that works.

first of all, hello. thank you if you’re reading this, whether we’re mutuals or not, this isn’t a private post so if you’re reading this, hello to you, I hope you’re having a wonderful night or day and I guess sorry for what you’re about to read if it’s considered TMI. I don’t know everyone on here so I'll start with the basics. I’m zia, aka users jinniesmeow, yunholy, hwangitzy and very recently yuzukhei. I'm (almost) 19, and in case you didn’t know, I'm French. and Italian, fortunately or not, idk. 100% European and white anyway, and my ancestors were all 100% racist and homophobic (I mean Poland and Italy? come on.). My sister, who’s turning 23 this year (she’s not on Tumblr), and myself are the first generation in my family to be queer on whichever side of it it is you’re looking at.

Indeed, (if you didn’t know somehow, now you do) both her and I are pansexual. thankfully, our mom is far from being homophobic and racist and she’s a very open minded person, like really. neither of us have ever had a coming out, and none of us plan on doing it. I totally understand the necessity for some people to come out to their relatives and all that, but here’s why I personally refuse to do it: I don’t get why I have to tell people I'm not straight. I think it only fuels the fact that being straight is seen as the norm, because do straight people ever announce they are straight? exactly. being queer (gay, lesbian, pan, ace, whatever) is not abnormal, it’s not unnatural, so I refuse to have to scream it to everyone, and I don’t mean by that that I'm trying to hide my queerness, because I'm very open and honest about it, and I always have been. I hope one day, we won’t need to come out anymore and that people will stop assuming our sexuality. until then, I'll let people get flustered whenever I imply that I'm not straight without having ever stated it clearly before because fuck that shit.

anygays. so, like I said, I've always been very open and honest about my romantic and sexual orientation. I know lots of bi/pan people “realise” they are queer when they’re a bit older, during their teenage years or early adulthood, but (un)fortunately I am not one of those. I have literally always known I liked girls too (in the first place, I mean). actually, I’ve always thought attraction and romance were about the person, like, I mean it was an evidence to me ever since I was a child, and how can I explain that I got slapped in the face when I discovered that it was not a universal thing, that it was not “the truth”. so there I was, in the middle of elementary school, openly saying I liked girls in front of everyone because I thought it was normal. I mean, it is, but you get what I mean.

on top of that, the term “pansexual” has been occulted and invalidated for years, and most people didn’t even know of it until like maybe 3 years ago. remember, I'm 19, and there I was in middle school at 13 years old telling people I was pansexual when they’d barely even heard of bisexuality (while everyone else was like ‘I'm straight!! ew the gays’ btw). honestly, I cannot count how many times I've been called a pedophile, a necrophile and zoophile. by my very own friends, yes.

same with high school, but I'm not going to repeat myself. just for the precision: no, I have never been physically or mentally bullied for that, however, I was mocked a lot because of how tall I am (I was 1m73/5′7 at 14) and because I can be quite androgynous since I don’t have big boobs. I have large hips though, so those fucking males didn’t miss the chance to pick on me for that too. obviously though if I've never been full on bullied it’s because: 1. I've always had friends and I've never been a ‘loner nerd’, 2. I was tall and intimidating, 3. I was respected for my intelligence and grades and wasn’t being full of myself about being a top student, and 4. because I was neither fat nor a person of colour, obviously, and those are privileges I'm very aware of. I have still been called a ‘woman with a dick’ and other transphobic shit and was often treated as if I were a boy, though.

I still identify as a girl. I have been so, so complexed about so many things about my physical appearance for so long, I can’t count how many hours I have spent looking at my naked reflection in the mirror, feeling disgusted, wishing I had bigger boobs and that I would “look more like a girl” and so on. how much I have hated my body is something I can’t even measure. as of today, I've realised there is no such thing as “looking like a girl” and I've made a lot of progress on liking my overall appearance and accepting my body, sometimes I even think I'm hot™ and definitely think men don’t deserve me but for some fucking reason I can’t choose my sexuality (crazy right) and I still am attracted both romantically and sexually to them :/

anyways. now you know how long I've known that I'm a pansexual and throughout all these years, every time someone talked about the community or when pride came, no one mentioned us pansexuals, and I've seen us being invalidated so many times I really started doubting myself. I was like, “it’s like being bisexual, I'm just being butthurt and pushing it too far” but at the same time I never stopped calling myself pansexual. to some people, it’s just a preference in the choice of words to say you’re bi or pan, but to me there is a difference, even if it’s the smallest ever, and yes. being bi and being pan are “basically the same thing” and both orientations are very close but that very difference means everything to me. I am attracted to people, romantically and sexually, regardless of their gender. that is exactly it. and it’s very important to me.

I'm sorry if this is a mess, it’s hard to say things in the right order when I have so much to say, but I'm going to go back to what I was saying in the beginning about my family. I talked about my mom. my parents have been separated since I was 6 and haven’t spoken to each other in like 12 years btw. so, as for my dad, I know he wouldn’t care. he’s not homophobic, not racist. he does say homophobic and racist things sometimes, without realising it, like a lot of people do, and that doesn’t make him a homophobe. I know he doesn’t care if I'm gay, and I feel good just knowing that. however, remember, my family is italian. everyone around us is 100% straight (except for my cousins, I'm pretty sure one of them is bi-curious and the other is ace, but they aren’t open about this at all and have probably never questioned their sexuality lmao) and then there are my sister and I in the middle of it, and we’re like “yup, we’re the gay cousins”. the italian side of my family is huge. like really, my father has a total of 24 cousins (and I don’t mean the little ones and all that, I mean first degree cousins), so imagine how many of us there are in total when you’re counting everyone’s kids, spouses, grandkids and great-grandkids (you read that well, some of his cousins are old, some are even deceased). and they’re italian. and 100% into their religious set of mind that has them believe their god forbids being gay and that we’ll burn in hell. whatever, would’ve been going there anyway, gay or not so it’s not like I care, all the more reasons to be a fag.

and yes I have proof they are racist and homophobic, I've heard the things they’ve said. so, I, whomst has had depression for basically all her life and also has every existing form of anxiety there is, don’t exactly feel comfortable around these people. and on top of being gay, I listen to “Ching Chong music”!!! how do I have to put into words that I know exactly what they think of me? I even have blue hair now so like, blending in even less than before. so yeah.

to add on to that feeling of worthlessness, when I entered high school, I was still a top student without doing any type of work whatsoever, but then depression got the best of me (like for real this time how am I even still alive tbh) and I fell so hard I could barely stand going to school anymore. my last two years of high school (it lasts 3 years in France) have been disastrous. I barely attended and could barely manage keeping my grades above average, because I had zeros on 99% of my homework since I never did it. still had good enough grades on tests though, and it saved my ass.

honestly, I don’t even want to talk about these years and how I was feeling, because it’s still too fresh for me and I'm stil trying (yes, trying) to heal from it. I can say without a doubt that they were some of the worst years of my life though. however final exams came and my ass managed to get a really good grade without revising anything, this way I could send a big, huge, fuck off to my teachers who had been shitting in my face for years and making me feel like the hugest shit on earth. I hope they choke on their jealousy. then I went to uni for about three months, where I majored in English, but eventually decided to stop because I couldn’t go a day without having a panic attack on the train, because I still couldn’t get my ass to do any work, because I was bored out of my mind and just when I had started feeling better after leaving high school I was sinking further down. I spent months staying home without seeing anyone but my mom and doing nothing but watching Netflix (the French catalogue isn’t as interesting as the American one btw). then, I finally found the guts to go see a therapist. not gonna say it was a mistake, but I'm glad I stopped because this bitch was just here to take my money. I took antidepressants for a few months, and I have stopped really recently, actually. in all honesty, I have gotten much better, thanks to my own doing, I've worked so hard on getting better and I'm proud of how far I've come.

today, I can finally say for the first time ever in my life that I am proud of who I am.

the whole point of saying all of this shit you have (maybe) read is not because I want people to give attention to me or anything like, I don’t want pity or anything and truly don’t think there are any reasons for people to feel any pity towards me. I'm saying this because I want to thank the people around me for just existing, for supporting me, for making me feel validated. because you might not realise it, but (a lot of) you are often talking about your problems, and it makes me realise that I'm not the only one feeling this kind of way. it makes me realise there are people who might understand me, even just a little. and when I see you talking about your sexual/romantic orientation (or lack of so) it also makes me feel accepted. I see you guys reblog such validating things, and then some of you even have pride flags in your layouts, and you have no idea how my heart feels about it. if you weren’t aware, I'm a twitter person. I've spent so much time on there, I have met lots of people, lots of which are part of the community and openly supporting it, and yet I have never felt more validated than since I've been on here.

I've also met the people I consider “the most” as my internet best friends on here, like my best best internet friends, if that makes sense lmao, and not actually on twitter (although I might be pushing it because I have actually gone from IVL to IRL with most of them so like... whatever.) point is: I have met amazing friends I'm so thankful for on here. and all the people I see in my dash, to all of you, thanks for everything too even if we don’t really talk and if we haven’t had actual discussions before. now if you want to, you can always come to me to talk about whatever the fuck you want.

so, here, I want to thank all of you, because today I'm finally starting to think maybe, just maybe, that I want to keep on living and that good things might happen to me. I have no plans for the future, since I never imagined myself getting this far in life, but I'm still willing to give it a try.

please, if after you’re reading this, you’re thinking about telling me cliché things about staying strong and all that, I'm going to ask you not to do it. it just feels like pity to me. or choose your words wisely, I'm begging you, because I can’t stand thinking anyone would pity me. please don’t feel like that, that’s not the point of this.

I'm doing this as a thank you, and as a message to everyone out there who’s read this. I hope my words mean something to you. maybe help you? it’s ok to be confused about who you are. it’s ok not to like yourself, it takes so much work to get better and all that, but just know that you can do it, it is possible to do it. it takes time, it will hurt, but it’s an option. it’s not impossible.

now. I have some people I want to send a quick message to. I guess some of you will be surprised, but just read what I have to say please, and know that from the bottom of my heart, I mean it.

@hwangwhatjin Emily. I don’t even know where to start, and soon I won’t even be able to see what I'm typing anymore because the tears I've been fighting while writing all this crap have started flowing all of a sudden the second I typed your name. you’re the first friend I made on here. we started off nothing, and I was a no one, and yet you still talked to me and all that. you’re honestly one of the most tolerant and kind people I have ever met in my life. you’re the exact opposite of prejudiced, you’re so open minded, so not giving a shit about other people’s quirks (I mean it in the right way) that don’t concern you directly, like people are who they are and you don’t give a damn about it, it’s amazing. I know this doesn’t sound like a compliment, but I can’t find the right way to put this. you’ve also always been there to listen to me whenever I wanted you to, and you have never judged me once. you have no idea how thankful I am for having you in my life. I wouldn’t want to have anyone else hold the title of bro. I love you so, so much, and I'm sorry we haven’t been talking lately. I hope I can help you just like you’ve helped me and support you as much as you need me to in the future, and I want you to know I'll always be there for you, I'll never let you down. you have no idea how much I can’t wait to meet you so I can wrap you in a blanket and give you hot chocolate while I light up a gingerbread scented candle (yes, I remember) and put on some blink-182 and stroke your hair because it’s what you deserve. you’re one of my best friends, like ever, and it’s such a pain we’re so far from each other, fuck this damn channel. one day I'll just swim to you to hear your wonderful accent you say you hate so much. anything to see you. I'm sorry I'm so old, I wish it were less of a problem, but as you grow up this gap will be less and less of an obstacle, so let’s just be patient, yeah? I love you, bro. roach bros to the end of the line.

@pikachulein Laura. ok. where do I start and how do I stop my eyes from sweating so much. you know, I'm just gonna say it. in my opinion, soulmates aren’t the people we’re especially meant to be with in a romantic way, and we might even have several of them. I just think they’re people who just bring you so much, and people who are like another version of you, but different. kind of like I described in my Felix au, actually. when I call you my soulmate, I really mean it, because I'd never thought I'd meet someone who understands me so well because they relate so much, someone who basically shares the same mind because hell, when have we ever had different thoughts on something like... it will never cease to amaze me. it’s only been a few months since we’ve known each other, but I actually think you’re one of my closest friends. hell, on the day we meet, because I'm not taking no for an answer, I don’t even know how I'll be holding up like, I won’t know how to act. so in advance, I'm sorry if I'm so weird at first. you’ve listened to the story of my whole life and you’ve shared your experience back, and you have no idea how thankful I am for that. maybe you haven’t realised, but you’ve been of a huge help to me. thank you for being so understanding, for not judging me, for being so open about everything with me, thank god I have someone with whom I can talk about literally any subject without it feeling uncomfortable or like i’m being judged. I have so many things to say I can’t even find the words, honestly. I’m just so thankful that you exist and that I have you in my life, and that you actually like me as a person too. thanks so much. you’re my best bitch, together we’re the baddest bitches of the pan squad and I can’t wait to travel across Europe with you for real. the world ain’t ready for us.

@hanniesunshine Isabel. you’re just the biggest ray of sunshine ever. everything about you is so pure I'm even scared to be one of the people you talk to because I feel like you don’t deserve to talk to me (I mean like you deserve much better than me) and that I'm way too filthy for you. you’re always so good and kind to me, so, so supportive, and I can’t even thank you enough for that. honestly, every time I see you somewhere, kakaotalk, WhatsApp, Tumblr, I just can’t help but smile because you’re the purest and brightest being the earth has ever seen and I can’t believe you would actually want to talk to someone like me. I'm so sorry for everything. I'm so sorry for being such a cold bitch (and for using this word) sometimes, and for almost never finding the right words. thanks for always being so eager about reading my content. I'll keep supporting you, and I'll do better in everything!! I love you, so, so much. I'll always be there for you if you need me or want me.

@sleepyracha Marie. I'm so, so sorry I'm so inconsistent and that I don’t talk to you as much as I used to, I hope we’re still okay. I just want to thank you for being the open minded person you’ve shown me you are and for supporting me all the time, and for very interesting conversations about literally anything. I promise I'm learning Spanish and that soon we’ll be able to talk together in another language than English. I hope you’re doing well and that you know I'm always there for you, and if Tumblr isn’t the best place for you, tell me where you want me to be for you. congrats on passing this year, you’re someone amazing and you’re so chill, it feels so good to see someone like that. thank you for even talking to me in the first place, thank you so much and I love you.

@lesbianbias Nina. you’re such a soft and pure person, I'm so glad you were my skz anon and that I got to meet a wonderful person like you. you’re always showering me with love, and I always feel like I don’t deserve it. thanks so much for all the support, please, please never change. I love you and you’re amazing. thank you for being so chill as well. I'll make sure I'll return that love to you.

@xiaocity siya. thank you so much for listening to me, you know what I'm referring to. I know you’re one of those who really deeply understands me and I'm thankful we got to talk, even just a bit. I'm always there if you need me, thank you for supporting me and my works, and be more confident in your writing, it’s good!! I think we actually have a lot in common too, so if you ever feel like talking, feel free to drop by in my dms.

@littlefallenrebel Sophie. we haven’t talked that much, but I feel like we should talk more. we have a lot more in common than we think, I'm sure of it. thank you for being you, thank you for the messages you’ve been spreading with your posts and reblogs. you’re an amazing person and I'm happy you’re my mutual because you’re a truly good person.

@visualgiggles sam. thank you for your reblogs, whatever they’re about they never fail to cheer me up, whether they’re about tolerance or just memes, even the latter help me regain faith in humanity. we haven’t talked that much but I would gladly talk some more with you if you ever wanted to. you’re a wonderful person and I'm thankful you’re my mutual.

@dreamypansexual I don’t think we’ve ever talked, I'm not even sure I know your name so I don’t want to say something wrong. but that doesn’t matter, because you’re still one of the people who make me feel the most validated here. hell, you literally have a pan flag as your layout (your user... I mean yeah). your posts are always making me feel so much better because it proves me that there are still such tolerant and open people out there, so thank you.

@cloudyyboii honestly, I think it’s kind of the same as with your friend right above between me and you. it doesn’t matter though, thanks for the validation and the tolerance you’re spreading around. love you.

@jxsng Kylie. I don’t think we’ve ever had a private conversation, but whatever. you’ve shown me lots of supports in every other way and you’re such a sweet and open person, I'm thankful you’re my mutual. I feel small next to people like you because I feel like you hold the whole world in your hands, you’re one of those meant to go places and it shows. I'll always support you too. thank you for everything and I love you.

@ggukksrose shims. you’re definitely one of the people who make me feel validated the most, so from the bottom of my heart, thank you. I always see you sticking up for others and telling the haters to go fuck off, and you even did that with me. you’re an amazing person, and I admire you for the confidence you’ve managed to achieve and I wish you the best in the future, I hope you’ll only get better and better with your fights and if anyone ever messes with you I'll be throwing hands. just say the word. I love you.

@cypher-yngi Emerson, am I wrong? we’ve never talked though we’ve been mutuals for so long. from what I've seen, we have a lot in common and I'd be more than ok to have even a simple conversation with you, even if you said Orangina was good. you’re also one of those who have helped me feel valid and realise I'm not alone in this world, so if you’re ever feeling alone, and if you want to, let’s be alone together, maybe? gotta love FOB. also, you have amazing music taste. and you're a fellow yoongi stan, and that itself says a lot about the kind of person you are. thanks for existing and I love you.

@wonwonbebe ah... have you ever told me what your name was? I have terrible memory. doesn’t really matter. I love you, I'm so thankful that you were my anon and can’t believe you actually went through all that just to talk to me. you have no idea how thankful I am. you’re a wonderful person, and I'm so, so happy to see that my mutuals are all so amazing and tolerant. thanks for all the positivity.

@psycho-robin-chan robin, right? we’ve talked a bit before. if you read what’s above, you’ll probably find some parts a bit familiar, haha. I actually loved this conversation with you, if that makes sense? it’s always interesting and it feels good to let it out. I also like seeing I'm not alone, and I like to think that when I speak about such things with people I might also be helping them feel better. so thanks, you also make me feel valid with your posts and reblogs, and you’re such a tolerant and open and chill person at such a young age. never change anything! thanks for being here and supporting me.

@mirohell sage! we haven’t been mutuals for long, and I'm not expecting you to read everything I've written, it’s ok if you don’t, really. I just wanted to thank you real quick because you’re already showing me lots of support and I feel like we’ll be getting along well. if you want to read this, I'm sorry for putting so much on your shoulders so quick lmao, you’ll basically be knowing so much about me without having asked for anything. feel free not to read it, I'm repeating myself again but really, the actual important part of this post is this one where I thank you all individually. so thank you!! I'll do my best in supporting you in the future as well, and not only by showing your edits some love haha

@theminho min! we haven’t been mutuals for long either, but thank you for caring about me. thanks for even just following me. thanks for this message you’ve sent, it means a lot really. you don’t have to read all that I've written above either,, don’t feel pressured, I just wanted to thank you personally too for just being here and for the support. feel free to come talk to me whenever you want (if you ever want) and I'll be supporting you always!!

@justlovingkpop my sweetheart, you’re just too cute and so supportive and loving. thank you so, so much for everything and for coming to talk to me!! I'll go reread some of your work soon to because I've missed it. thanks for existing, and know that I'm always there for you. love you lots.

@strawb-milk-tea my babyyyy I'm going to repeat it but thank you and I love you and you’re so cute and you’re NOT a potato ok, you’re so, so pretty like I knew I was gay but phew... I feel valid too when I see you. long live the gays.

@five-pence hey there! it’s been a while. hope you’re doing well. thank you for supporting me, thank you for making me feel valid as well, and I love you very much. I'm here whenever.

@jooheonenthusiast yo. we’ve basically only talked bc of that one post I made, and it’s been enough to show me that you’re an amazing person and a bad bitch. thanks for your support and fuck the homophobes. I love you.

@marriael adellum. you’re a really kind person. you’re so pure. and you make me me feel very much valid, love your profile pics from the last days by the way. thanks for existing and I'm glad you’ve joined us on the network, it’s a pleasure to have someone like you around. hope I'm not too much of a pain in the ass.

@channiiebby gryphon. we’ve never talked privately, but you’re a sweetheart. thanks for being you. you’re valid and you know it, and that makes me feel valid too, so thanks for showing me it’s okay to be who you are. I love you.

that’s it. I'm out of words. I've been at this for like 2 hours now. if I think of anyone else, I'll just reblog and add them. but right now I feel totally empty because of all the emotion hive poured into all this and I need to recharge, so good night and I love you all. thank you for your time and attention.

happy pride month everyone,

your friendly neighbourhood pansexual, zia.

#on this note #good night everyone #I love y'all #rants #personal #<33 #sorry for bothering you all with this

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kelvintimeline · 5 years ago

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i havent seen it 2 & haven't read the book, what happens?

i’m just gonna list everything bad about it here because i need to vent again, lmao

it spoilers, obvioously, but also triggering talk about a LOT of content like seuxal abuse, gaybashing, domestic violence, fatphobia, and suicide

movie starts with some flashbacks and then goes into an extreme gaybashing scene where a man has his face literally beat in while his lover is pinned down by teenagers, forced to watch, and then is thrown into a river. he is eaten/dismembered by pennywise. i’m assuming his lover is too after he discovers his body

all implied and/or canonically gay characters are ~sassy and ~witty and that’s like... their main trait. in 2019 the gaybashing victim makes a meg ryan joke.

bill hader’s character never actually says he’s gay, he just writes R+E into the wood which YES is confirming he’s gay but that’s literally only revealed after eddie dies on top of him. and after he’s called a f*g and mocked for being gay and told his “secret” is ugly NUMEROUS times. eddie is never implied to be gay, they just mock him for having a fat wife

fatphobia is EXTREME in this movie--ben loses weight but pennywise mocks him for still beig fat and unlovable. eddie’s mom and wife are mocked for being fat. everyone mocks ben for the fact that he used to be fat but “he’s hot now.” i feel bad for his child actor tbh

stanley, the jewish character, commits suicide early in the film beore reuniting with the others. the cast COMPLETELY forgets about him for large swaths of the film and drops him to just be sad about eddie being dead even though stanley only died two days earlier.

he commits suicide and writes a letter about it to the losers and it’s basically “i killed myself to protect you! i was weak and too afraid to confront pennywise and would just be a burden on you! it’s actually good that i died” and this narration plays over the happy ending montage of eveyrone moving on with their life.

bev talks about how she had visions of everyone dying and she knew stanley would die and it’s revealed that if they don’t defeat pennywise, tehy’ll all die. which bascially means stanley’s suicide was inevitable, fate, and couldn’t be helped. while they sob and hold each other about eddie, they just have a couple scenes where it’s liek ‘damn this sucks’ about stanley and then use his dead body for body horror

also, i don’t know what it’s called, but when stanley was giving a speech about becoming a man in jewish ritual, he uses it to just talk about being a loser and it felt...... like a really ugly use of jewish tradition? i can’t go in detail about it because i’m not jewish but it was uncomfortable and used for comedy and it felt inappropriate??

mike literally only exists in the film to bring the group back together and to introduce native american brand mysticism. like he’s literally just the magiacl black man trope. no one ever expresses ANY fondness towards him at like... any point in teh film, most of the time they’re just pissed at him and it feels really ugly. i couldn’t tell you what his personality was besides “obsessed with stopping pennywise” and “on ~magical hallucinogens from the natives who only exist as backdrop to explain why a clwon demon exists”

there’s lots of flashbacks of each character bonding with each other and ZERO flashbacks of anyone bonding with mike. despite being the reason the movie exists, the movie doesn’t care about him literally at all

bev experiences domestic violence and an attempted rape and like... for no reasons besides to demonstrate she never escaped her abusive father. she is flung at both bill and ben and kisses both and has no reason to exist besides being both a sort ~inspirational pixie girl AND being a damsel in distress. she’s victimized to make ben seem less pathetic for still having a crush on her 27 years later.

bev has lots of hallucinations of her abusive father and it’s all framed around her still being her ‘little girl’ and ben’s crush on her is framed as missing her as a teenager still (as that’s all he knows of her) and it’s just... a bad parallel but he “wins” her in the end so

but not until bill cheats on his wife with her? but it’s okay because... his wife is a bad woman for uhhhhhh not liking his book ending. women who dont support their men are bad :S this is never touched on, just like bev’s domestic violence is never brought up again besides to torture her

also the cgi was fucking garbage and while it WAS funny and WAS scary and outright enjoyable a lot o the time, these flaws drag it down. the movie literally ends with the reading of the suicide note being celebrated a a good thing and it literally made my stomach drop and i felt sick to my stomach :S anything good that happened int he movie was nullified to me

#it spoilers #it 2 spoilers #homophobia cw #racism cw #antisemiticism cw #suicide cw #rape cw #Anonymous

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officialkendallroy · 5 years ago

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hey sab! why did harry's show in berlin suck? :(

oof it was just the whole experience tbh. they started giving out numbers one or two nights beforehand and back then I couldn't as easily go to berlin as now bc i didn't had a train ticket. i would've cost me 20€ just to go there, get a number for the queue and then go back home. as someone whos poor, I couldn't do that, I could barely pay for the ticket itself tbh and I had to beg my dad for the money for the train to the actual concert so I could buy with the money I had left a tour shirt. so on the day when the actual concert was, we took the train at 8:30 am from my town. it takes like an hour and 20 min to go to the place where the concert took place. when we got there we got number 580?? or something I can't remember. and that was kinda rip like sorry I can't camp outside the concert hall for 3 days,,, i had to go to school LMAO anyways we waited there the entire day and I met some wonderful people and that was really nice ngl :') I had so much fun with them!! okay so like an hour and a half before the doors would open we started to go into the actual queue (it could have been earlier tho I don't really remember). we waited and then shortly before the doors opened people just went fucking crazy. THEY STARTED FUCKIBG RUNNING FOR THEIR LIVES TO GET INTO. THEY SAID FUCK THE QUEUE AND THE NUMBERS WE RUNNING . anyways the person I went with and me run for our lives too and then we met the others we hung out again all day and went inside. inside was hell. i was like 4th, 5th row or something,,, and I couldn't breathe the whole entire time. all my friends left me and I was standing there, nearly blacking out when MUNA was on,,, I was so excited to see them but my body said FUCK U! the whole crowd was just aggressive as fuck, no one gave a shit if ppl fell, blacked out, got hurt. I literally had to hold up a girl that fainted in front of me just to make sure she wouldn't get hurt. A mom next to me ram her elbow so hard into my ribs it bruised. you also have to know that the security guards at concerts in berlin NEVER do anything, they don't give a shit but I never experienced it like that before. people fainted and they didn't do anything, people from behind pushed so bad and they did nothing, they didn't give out water ,,, i- and you might be thinking "why didn't you just go to the sides?" Well let me tell you! as someone who is definitely not a skinny legend it's pretty hard to just leave a regular crowd where there's space. now imagine zero space, people pushing from behind and one fat bitch who wants to leave the crowd,,, the polish ppl around me said fuck your life and your anxiety! and when harry got on it just was hell, I was completely dehydrated, drained as hell and yeah just fucking sad bc my 70€ I paid for the concert were basically gone with the wind. i don't think he's doing small concerts again but if he does im ,,, gonna go in last and then just fuck shit up in the back LMAO

#sorry for the essay #i just . hated that concert so much .#one of the worst concerts ive ever been to ngl #also i forgot to mention that the crowd entirely existed of polish ppl who mostly were rude as fuck so sksksksks #anon #asks

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fit-as-fxck · 6 years ago

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hi. I have a lengthy update and a story.

Good Evening, Friends. Here’s an update that no one asked for. I continue to feel much, much better. I can credit that to a constant, normalized sleep schedule, a reduction of the constant stress of the last three months and making sure I eat. As far as movement goes that’s exactly what I've been focusing on. m o v e m e n t. This doesn't mean always going to the gym and slamming weights around, this means moving more intuitively and listening to what I want to do and what I need (without putting too much pressure on myself to be rigid with set demands). Some days I take my dog with me to the park while I do outdoor yoga (in preparation for my outdoor classes I always do in the summer). Sometimes I meet up with a friend and hit the trails for an easy run. Sometimes, doing “nothing” is more important and takes precedence. (If you don't want to read this all skip down to the bottom for a lil story I guarantee you’ll want to read.)

Habits/personal: Every morning make it a point to tell myself I'm going to stay present today. That’s my goal. To stay present and take advantage of every moment, and yes, it comes down to actively monitoring my habits. Even things like social media and electronic use impacts us and none of us were given a manual on how to navigate this shifting terrain. So yeah, reading an actual book before bed and shutting down devices actually does make a difference on our mind and body. Sometimes, we have to set rules for ourselves depending on our lives and how we know we respond to things like this. I’m starting a gratitude journal too so that’ll be new journey for me (it’s scientifically proven to lower inflammation in the body). My life is starting to go back to “normal”, finally. I was under intense life stressors for a few months.

Training:

I’ve done some easy trail runs with my friend (the one who was my old gym partner). His training is ramping up significantly and mine is just now recovering so I've only been joining him on his easy recovery runs. The first one I did, my legs felt like two ton bricks. It felt like I was running through jello. I’m not embarrassed to say it was just awful. Consider that I spent since October not putting an emphasis on cardio (only some conditioning), so yeah not surprising. The good news is, it only sucks for a little bit and then it gets better. I mean, each run I do I'll never have to redo again lmao. I hate treadmill running unless I'm doing sprints. I always choose outdoor if I can. I haven't done any major strength training and I’ve probably lost a lot of strength but I'm not worried about it. Muscle has a memory. I’m ready to pick up some strength training again but my goals right now are more geared towards movement and cardio (so the strength training will be to support that). And of course, yoga. I love doing more and more of it. It just makes you feel so damn good. Plan: adding cardio in 4 times weekly. Alternating between cycling, running, trail running, moderate intensity and intervals. Finishing with a handful of lifting exercises a couple times a week to stay strong.

Nutrition:

Like I mentioned, I am making sure to eat. And haven't been too strict about it, like, at all. I’ve been fueling on pb&j’s. (Side note: I am always making sure I keep my caffeine intake low, I feel better without it. I do half-caff coffee mostly.) I’m increasing my workouts since I'm feeling good so my nutrition is going to be shifted to support those goals. I don't want be too extreme so I'll be following an 80/20 diet. 80% clean Whole Foods and 20% Oreos and Snickers (jk). A major pitfall of mine is failing to prepare to have food when I need it. This week, and for the following weeks, I'm meal prepping everything (which I should be doing anyways *glares* @ me). I’m sticking to whole, “clean” foods and following basic nutrition principles. I’m 100% sure you can make progress on nearly any “diet” as long as you follow nutritional fundamentals. I feel better when I eat better anyways. Sometimes we have to go back to basics. Foundations are what we build everything on and any tweaks we do to that foundation are just the “fluff” on top. Don’t want that foundation to have cracks in it, do we? (SO this week I made a homemade Mac and cheese. Most times I burn everything but sometimes my attempts are a slam dunk. I made my own cheese sauce and used half noodles and half shredded cauliflower to increase the volume and MAN IT WAS BOMB. YOU GOTTA TRY IT. YOU COULDNT EVEN TELL THERE WAS CAULIFLOWER IN IT. Sneaky vegetables.) Unfortunately, I'll have to cut out the Mac & cheese and pb&j’s BUT if it’s the weekend and I want a bagel, I'm gonna have a bagel (80/20 ok). I’m prepping things like grass fed beef, vegetables and sweet potates or rice etc (yes, its potates).

Other (friends/lifestyle/inspo):

So I got a call from my gym buddy this week which I did not expect. When he started working out with me in January(?) he was what you would call “skinny-fat”, which is defined as not looking overweight but also not having any distinguishable muscle tone. Since then he’s put some serious size and strength and totally upped his cardio game. I started him out on some basic training and knowledge and then he continued on his own. When he called me he told me a man approached him in the gym and asked what he was training for. He told him he was training for an iron man (his overall bucket list goal). This is a hefty goal considering he started at ground zero. BUT everyone starts at zero and he is young and you won’t see me telling him he can’t do it. You can do anything you put your mind to. My friend told the guy about how he went down to 135 pounds at his thinnest (dude is like over 6 feet tall) and then went up 65 pounds at his heaviest. Well, they got to talking and this man started telling him about his friends going through BUDS training (SEAL training). And, my friend spilled the beans. He told him that he hadn't told anyone yet but his overall goal was to go out for the Seals. Yeah, aggressive goal. Thats when the guy told him he was special forces (ranger). He told him David Goggins was headed through town and they were all going to dinner with him. Yeah, I know, sounds odd. Anyways, this guy told him that the only difference between him and the ones that made it, was that now it was his turn to do it. That’s it. (Pretty crazy considering like 6% of people that go out for this pass). So my friend told him he “didn’t know anyone”. The guy told him that there were a ton of special forces in this area but they don’t tell you they are unless they want you to know. But, my dude meant he quite literally didn’t. know. anyone. He had lost all his friends when he found out they had different priorities and pretty much has no one around him supporting him on this, which is why he called me when he was astounded this happened. Serendipity, I guess. Put your goals out there into the world with iron conviction and the universe will find a way to meet you halfway. So this guy was 38 I think and didn’t look his age (not that 38 is old..) and told dude that he could probably smoke everyone in this gym and well, he could, based on the workouts he was doing. My friend’s jaw was on the floor with this whole interaction. He told me he was nervous and stumbling over his words and felt like he probably made an ass of himself. He apologized for it, saying he barely got any sleep and was super stressed and the guy said “Who gets sleep? And we’re all stressed.” The guy offered his advice and networking anytime dude sees him in the gym etc.

We all come from somewhere, we all have dark, broken histories, large goals, even larger struggles etc and feel like our lives consist of constantly trying to pull it together until the day we die but, I swear, you gotta find a way to believe in yourself and even accept your failures. Whats the worst that could happen? You die trying? At least you followed your heart. Just like this dude, out of shape, stumbling, mad at himself because of slow progress but just look back three or four months... He’s strong now and the progress happened because he was patient with himself and didn’t give up even when he felt like it and he’s still not done. More power to him and anyone willing to try. Perhaps the overall goal doesn't matter as much as who we become in the act of trying (thank you Kaylo Littlejohn for that quote). Most times, people just need a positive push in the right direction. Maybe we can focus a little bit more on uplifting and being positive because that shit is contagious.

#personal #try #iron man #special forces #gym #trail running #inspo #April 2019

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