#and I get it! I am KEENLY aware of all the reasons someone wouldn't want to be friends with me
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#wow look! a wild tag rant appears!#a bunch of Stuff has happened this last week and my brain has flipped the Lonely With A Capital L switch on#and I feel awkward foisting that on any of my friends so. tag rant it is!#I've spent most of my life (as in since kindergarten) approaching social situations as#'everyone else here will make friends and connections and I wont and I need to be okay with that'#every group situation. new classes. summer camps. afterschool activities. D&D groups. different jobs I've had#not in a pessimistic way just. realistic. it always happens.#and I get it! I am KEENLY aware of all the reasons someone wouldn't want to be friends with me#hell even I wouldn't want to be friends with me#I'm not going to list all of those reasons because#I am *constantly* terrified that my friends are going to figure those reasons out#I have four friends I regularly talk to (and a fifth who... idk that's a whole Thing). Four Really Good Friends#and most of the time I can push my anxiety into the background and just have fun with that#right now... not so much.#logically I know they probably aren't secretly exhausted by me#but I just can't make my brain realize that#and it's not even like they could do anything to help really#which is why I'm tag ranting instead of Talking to them because I just.#I'm just sad and anxious right now and my brain immediately dives straight into Lonely#and I don't want to dump that all on their virtual doorsteps#on the other hand isolating Does Not Help with the Loneliness but idk what to do#I'm bad at reaching out about this kind of thing and right now my anxiety is telling me that if I do#they'll clue in to how annoying I can be and stop talking to me
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Gladiator Chapter 229
His fingers trailed over her face delicately, brushing a few stray hairs off her face, before saying:
"What sort of father could ever be disappointed in a daughter like you?"
Her words tumbled out of her in a clumsy, interrupted yet interconnected mess… and then they stopped once she felt the weight on the bed shifting, once her father took his seat by the side of her mattress. Azula swallowed dryly again, venturing a wary glance at his face…
His brow was drawn together… but not in wrath. Not in disappointment, or displeasure.
Was that… compassion?
"If what Zhao explained is true… then I'm not certain anyone could have done better" Ozai said "Whether you or anyone else. It may not sound encouraging of me to say so… but the threat you faced seems to have been one of the very worst the Fire Nation has handled so far. And to think it happened to rear its head exactly when you were substituting for me…"
"Do you… truly believe that?" Azula asked, her chest heaving as she breathed far more frantically "Y-you're not… disappointed?
Stray dogs often flinched out of habit when anyone raised a hand in their direction, assuming the world was out to get them, regardless of whether there was ill intent in the gesture or not. It was unexpected that a Princess would ever react the way such humble creatures would, and yet she gasped, recoiling when Ozai's hand appeared within her field of vision…
Only to cup her face delicately.
His eyes were golden, clear… and emotional. Far more emotional than Azula remembered seeing them. Was she imagining things? Was all this a dream, a rather strange one? Or was her father truly offering her a gesture of kindness… one she wasn't entirely sure she deserved?
His fingers trailed over her face delicately, brushing a few stray hairs off her face, before saying:
"What sort of father could ever be disappointed in a daughter like you?"
Her lips parted, though no words came from them. Her eyes gazed at her father, struggling to unravel this unexpected, unbelievable glimpse of the single kernel of kindness that still nestled in Ozai's dark soul. Her mind, muddled by the effect of her chi's corruption, couldn't process his words immediately.
"As far as I understand… you saved the Fire Nation with your actions, however reckless as they may have been" Ozai said "If the truth is as Zhao spoke it… then you were vital to ending this threat. As your Fire Lord… your loyalty to your nation fills me with pride. As your father, however…"
"As… my father?" Azula repeated, once Ozai fell silent for a moment. He swallowed hard, his teeth gritted.
"I'd rather appreciate it… if you wouldn't give me such reasons to fear for your health and wellbeing anymore, is all" he determined "I'm proud of you… but I am quite distressed by how readily you've jumped into danger, not only in this situation but in countless others. I want to believe Zhao, truly… that you did it because no one else could. But if you do anything like this again, and I discover someone other than you could have handled the problem without you jumping headfirst into danger…"
"You'll… scold me?" Azula asked, her question more childish than she expected it to be. To her surprise, Ozai laughed softly.
"Perhaps" he said "It sounds so very daunting when you put it that way, doesn't it?"
"It… it does" Azula smiled too, weakly.
"Then I suggest you give me no reasons to do so" Ozai said, lowering his hand. Azula grew keenly aware of its warmth only once it wasn't touching her skin anymore "You… you're recovering slowly, from what I've heard?"
"I guess… I'm not too aware of my improvements yet" Azula mumbled "I was unconscious until yesterday in the morning, I think… I don't really know. I can't remember much… not from yesterday, or from the previous day"
"You can't remember how you wound up in this shape, then?" Ozai asked. Azula bit her lip.
"Barely. I… I was hoping to help my dragon, and then… then I was wounded" she whispered "My guards kept the Spear in check, I… I think. Then I was on my dragon, and then… then Sokka helped me"
"The gladiator?" Ozai asked. Azula tensed up, as though she had forgotten who she was talking to.
"Y-yeah. He… did something. I don't really remember what" Azula whispered: it wasn't a lie, at this point she only knew something had exploded before Sokka found her, and she didn't even dare ask what it was "He tried to help… t-then I fought the Spear with my fire a-and his sword, and… I can't remember what happened to me after that. Just… woke up here"
"I see" Ozai whispered: again, he startled her by reaching to brush her hair out of her face "It seems the world constantly wants to put you to the test, does it not? The challenges you've faced… it's uncanny that someone has been able to overcome them as often as you have"
"Maybe I'm just… a lot less lucky than I thought I was" Azula said, with a weak grin. Ozai smiled and shrugged.
"I suppose. Though that you've survived, and recovered, from all your ordeals so far indicates that maybe fortune still favors you, to a fault. Perhaps it will favor you this time as well"
"I… hope so" Azula said, closing her eyes as Ozai withdrew his hand again.
The weight on the bed had been comforting, to a fault: it vanished once Ozai rose to his feet again
#azula#ozai#Gladiator moments#seyaryminamoto#I could just post the whole conversation#just so emotional and amazing#could jump inside and hug Azula#though I am not sure if she needs the hug or me#*-*#I said and I really copied the whole wonderful perfect magnificient conversation and marked my most favorite parts<3333#I really can't anymore...#I can't...#I deeply believed always that he loves his daughter#and I still do#screencaps:piandao/avatarspirit#the incredible dialogue by seyaryminamoto#edit by me#I doubt I can sleep or do anything people do in real life anymore#so many fictional things going on in my head#you wicked artists
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