#and I feel awkward foisting that on any of my friends so. tag rant it is!
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#wow look! a wild tag rant appears!#a bunch of Stuff has happened this last week and my brain has flipped the Lonely With A Capital L switch on#and I feel awkward foisting that on any of my friends so. tag rant it is!#I've spent most of my life (as in since kindergarten) approaching social situations as#'everyone else here will make friends and connections and I wont and I need to be okay with that'#every group situation. new classes. summer camps. afterschool activities. D&D groups. different jobs I've had#not in a pessimistic way just. realistic. it always happens.#and I get it! I am KEENLY aware of all the reasons someone wouldn't want to be friends with me#hell even I wouldn't want to be friends with me#I'm not going to list all of those reasons because#I am *constantly* terrified that my friends are going to figure those reasons out#I have four friends I regularly talk to (and a fifth who... idk that's a whole Thing). Four Really Good Friends#and most of the time I can push my anxiety into the background and just have fun with that#right now... not so much.#logically I know they probably aren't secretly exhausted by me#but I just can't make my brain realize that#and it's not even like they could do anything to help really#which is why I'm tag ranting instead of Talking to them because I just.#I'm just sad and anxious right now and my brain immediately dives straight into Lonely#and I don't want to dump that all on their virtual doorsteps#on the other hand isolating Does Not Help with the Loneliness but idk what to do#I'm bad at reaching out about this kind of thing and right now my anxiety is telling me that if I do#they'll clue in to how annoying I can be and stop talking to me
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