#and I feel like even if she had known Jekyll and Hyde shared an existence...she still would have viewed Hyde the way she did...

[screamingwiththewolves]

I'm quite worried for the drama that's gonna eventually ensue between Rachel and Hyde cause like 80-90% of her distress was not at all caused by his actions.

[bindi-the-skunk]

Let me hurt him for you chapter 3

"So, let me get this straight, Dorian drank a potion that you made for me to suppress vampirism?" Mina had heard and seen several oddities in her life...and how was an incident of this magnitude near the bottom of that list?

"Yes, I will have to collect more supplies later to create it again for you; I hope...this encounter...has not...you know..." Henry mumbled, feeling the urge to rub the back of his neck in embarrassment but not wanting to stop the comfortable position of having Mina's arms wrapped around his and his other hand on hers, his wrists and hands having been bandaged with great care by Mina who had managed to find some clean wrappings in one of the boxes.

"It has not; I appreciate your efforts and am impressed that you have found a way to suppress..." Mina trailed off, looking at the street momentarily before offering a smile.

"Don't get me wrong! I love you for you! I just wanted you to be comfortable and happy..." Henry looked at the ground, biting his lip in anxiety over trying to find the words he wanted to say and say them correctly "I know how it is not to be able to enjoy things the way-"

A soft finger was pressed to his mouth, ceasing his building stress as blue met grey.

"It is alright, I do want to try it" Mina could hardly hope to think she would ever be able to be an ordinary woman again, even if it only would be for a day, to have such a thing at her fingertips, the vampiress had to fight to keep her excitement down to prevent unleashing the darker part of her self.

To be able to feel her emotions again fully, not to have to suppress them to try and keep the vampire under control, to keep from hurting others, so many things she had once taken for granted, the taste of food, the warm sun in her face without being irritated by it, she had no doubts her skin felt cold to the touch or a disgusting lukewarmth.

Henry was always warm; flashes of heat plagued him, and Mina hoped her chill brought him some comfort from his fevers. To think he had done all of this for her, only Jonathan had ever bothered to care about her in such a way before him.

Mina still missed Jonathan terribly, his strong arms wrapped around her, keeping her safe, even after learning of her curse, he had still wrapped her in his embrace, loved her just as deeply as before, he had even said he would join her in vampirism if that is what she wanted, but Mina had, of course, refused, she would never curse the man she loved with this sorrow, she had been his bride, his wife, through sickness and in health, till illness took him from her.

Suppose Mina could find amusement in the fact she seemed to have a type in men who were not traditionally masculine...not that it stopped said men from moments of great bravery and passion.

Henry could never be Jonathan, but he did not have to be, they would never have the wedded bliss that Mina and Jonathan had shared, the doctor had no interest in marriage anyway, he had been content to remain a bachelor the rest of his days, but he, like anyone, still needed companionship, he had also taken such a thing for granted, but now they had each other, all of their good and bad doing its best to co-exist.

What a pair they made.

Henry smiled as Mina put her head on his shoulder, reaching up he brushed some hair from the vampiress's face and smiled back even as Hyde let his presence be known.

"That little fucker is still back there, alive," Hyde growled. He had been stirring fitfully ever since they had left the warehouse, the back of Henry's mind pounding with the heat of his rage "We should have let Mina finish him off"

"I did not want that thing on her a moment longer; Dorian Grey is not going anywhere far in the state he is in. Best to get Mina back and feeling safe before we come up with any plans on how to handle this," Jekyll argued back; he wanted to make Dorian pay for what he had done, itched to do something to make him suffer as much if not more so than how Mina had with that device around her throat.

But Mina was the main priority now, get her back to the Nautilus, then come up with some excuse later to leave, he did need more ingredients for the potion to give Mina, and he remembered her mentioning how she did miss a specific brand of sweets from when she was human.

Pharmacy, sweets shop, and then off to find where Mr. Grey had slithered off to.

"Promise me we can at least make his true demise as painful as possible"

"I think I can agree to that..."

0-0-0-0-0-0-0

"Oh! I forgot I did make two of them" Henry smiled as he held out a simpler vial of the suppressor potion, it was nowhere near as pretty as the rose vial, but Dorian had ruined the surprise anyway...

"It is incredible that you were able to...how long have you been working on this?" Mina asked, fighting the urge to grab it, eager to feel like herself once again after so long, but she could wait a moment longer.

"Not long after we...well...I thought it might be nice to have a ...p-proper date ...dinner...a show..." Henry blushed, Mina's smile afterward only adding to the shade "Even those like us deserve some happiness, right?"

Mina nodded with no shortage of experiences, mourned for being unable to fully enjoy them in her eyes.

The vial was placed gently in the vampire's hand, and Mina almost shook as she popped the cork out of it and tipped the glass to her lips, careful not to spill it any.

The potion burned her throat, and it was not the most pleasant tasting of things, but the monster that lay curled in the back of her mind slowly receded, more than distracting her from such insignificant unpleasantries as her face too, found a blush as her blood flowed freely after sitting dead for far too long.

Henry watched in awe as Mina's cheeks developed a soft pink hue, and her eyes sparked, her fangs turning back into human canines.

Dear God, she was undescribably beautiful no matter her form.

" And she is ours, Henry" was the greedy thought Hyde expressed for both of them, his rage sated at the image.

"How do you feel?"

"Human" 0-0-0-0-0-0-0

"You look great!"

"How about a kiss for ol Rodney to celebrate, hm?"

Nice to know Mina was still capable of a scathing glare even as a human....

"You must be thrilled," Nemo offered before everyone would see a floating bruise in the shape of a woman's hand wandering around the following days. "Shall I assume you will be heading out to enjoy the rest of the day?"

"Actually, considering the circumstances I think staying here would be prefu-aaauhh" Mina yawned suddenly, covering her mouth before blushing in mild embarrassment "Oh, Pardon me."

"Seems the potion returned your need for sleep," Tom noted, chuckling a bit.

Mina frowned, she did not want to spend her day as a human sleeping it away, not after all the hard work Henry had put into it for her.

"I think enjoying a nap would not be a bad idea," Henry said, making Mina turn to him in slight surprise at his lack of disappointment "it makes sense your body would need a bit of a recharge after...the incident earlier today, and I do need to get more supplies to make more of your elixir. Afterward, I'm sure Nemo would not mind us borrowing the library for a reading date."

"You have to go right now?" Mina was curious about this lack of annoyance and honestly would have liked him to take a rest with her since he too looked like he needed it.

Henry nodded offering an apologetic smile "I'm afraid so, I'm not sure if our next stop will have the chemicals I need, and I want to have it on hand in case we come across a festival or other event."

Mina did not like it, but it made sense since Dorian drank her would-be first dose of the medicine. Glad he did, though, as it hopefully put him down for good this time! It had been a shock seeing his corpse drop to the ground all bloodied before Henry had distracted her, Mina's mind was still slightly buzzing with this image, but it could also be her exhaustion talking, they would have to return to the spot in order to retrieve the body just in case he did-

A kiss to her cheek distracted from the idea of a foul job, and Mina was smiling again.

"I won't be long, don't start reading anything too interesting without me" Henry allowed himself a mild joke.

"No promises," Mina quipped back. 0-0-0-0-0-0-0

Jekyll gripped the bags in his hand tightly, finding what he needed had been without incident and had only taken him about ten minutes, if he timed this right, he would be back before his absence proved worrisome.

And might even have time to pick up those donuts, the shop owner said he would have some fresh in the next hour or so, which would more than explain his tardiness if someone asked, a warm bag of sweets would distract anyone.

And the resulting fight over them would also prove a good diversion from unwanted questions of where he had been well waiting for baked goods of all things.

"Other way, Henry, do not get distracted; I know that little rat bastard is here...he has a different scent from the one he had before, but it sticks out like rot," Edward growled.

Rot was the perfect way to describe it too, no doubt the potion not allowing his life of hedonism to go unchecked anymore, and Mina had been healthy, unharmed by the potion at all, but this...Dorian seemed to have been affected by it, the scent of disease hung in the air so thick that even Henry could smell it, if all of the picture's visible sins appeared on Dorian as the day progressed, the once-immortal would be dead before the hour was up.

A mild pity, all things considered.

Good thing he brought gloves.

[damonsvftie]

𝒜𝓁𝓌𝒶𝓎𝓈 𝒷𝑒𝑒𝓃 𝓎𝑜𝓊

Draco Malfoy x reader

MASTERLIST☁️

Warnings: self doubt and I think that’s pretty much it

Note: this is 3.7k+ words. Also if you have any feedback let me know as I’m always trying to improve!¡ also h/n means house name also ngl im kinda proud of this 🖐😌✨

Summary: Draco unexpectedly breaks up with y/n and moves on with his life and now dates Astoria Greengrass but y/n still wants an explanation to why he suddenly dumped her leaving her heart broken but do things ever go back to what they were?

He was slipping out of my hands. I was losing him. I was losing myself. I was losing everything I had ever wanted.

My love for a certain platinum blonde haired boy was unconditional. His voice was delicate and soothing and was certainly music to my ears. His touch made me melt into his beautiful pale and creamy skin while he would caress me tightly but all of it was gone. Everything I had ever wished for was crumbling before me.

Draco Malfoy was no longer with me. After all we had been through it felt like nothing was no longer worth it and it hurt me to see him walking through the corridors with Astoria Greengrass clutching onto him. She was always with him, clinging onto his arm, feeding him in the great hall and now she even had access to his dorm. He promised me no one else would take my spot but at this point I assumed it was all a lie.

—

“You know what? I’m not even mad he ended things with you because he doesn’t deserve you y/n,” mentioned Hermione while you looked across the great hall towards Draco who had Greengrass sat beside him giggling .Me and Hermione had become best friends since our arrival at Hogwarts and she had always stuck by me through thick and thin. Our friendship was an unbreakable bond and i had always shared my thoughts and feelings to her and trusted her more than anyone else.

“Surely I wasn’t deserving enough for him-,” you whispered softly as you played with the plate of ravioli in front of you,piercing thousands of holes into it every now and then.

—

When he left me, he gave no explanation for the sudden breakup. Everything just shattered and I had remembered pleading him while tugging on his arm for clarification while drops of tears streamed down my face. He couldn’t face me, he couldn’t even muster the courage to look into my eyes and tell me he no longer loved me. He harshly moved away from my grasp and walked away leaving me all alone at the top of the astronomy tower. What seemed to hurt me the most was how he confessed his love for me after the Yule ball had ended and now he had dumped me in the same exact spot . Was I not good enough for him? Was he deserving of someone else? I wanted him badly to come running back to me telling me it was a joke of some sort. I wanted to wake up and pretend everything that had happened was just a nightmare but it was real. He was really gone.

—

The next day after lunch I made my way to my favourite tree. I would normally

sit by it and read the muggle stories I owned or just catch up on some work. I held precious memories here. I remember the first time me and Draco actually spoke to one another it was under the same exact tree only except after a few days I would read him stories like Alice in Wonderland or Jekyll and Hyde which he would thoroughly enjoy by sitting in one of the trees branches while munching onto an apple listening to the words that would come out of my mouth. He never really understood my thirst for reading muggle books. When I had first read them to him he was acting as if it was some sort of crime but once the stories got into depth he eased a bit and understood why I adored reading and it was all because I could get lost into my own imagination.

When I had reached the tree I couldn’t seem to believe my eyes. Under the tree laid Astoria’s head on Draco’s lap as he hesitantly stroked her hair almost looking a bit uncomfortable. I felt my eyes starting to well up and my vision instantly turned blurry. A pain in my chest made it seem as if my heart had been torn into millions of pieces. I stood there slightly trembling and took a step back. To my surprise my foot crunched under a pile of twigs and branches disturbing the two as Draco and his girlfriend looked up at me. He pushed Greengrass of him and scrambled up as if he were about to say something but Astoria tugged on his arm while glaring at me darkly and I decided to run back to my dorm. He really had replaced me.

—

“You should talk to him,” explained Hermione.I had told her everything from the way he made me feel and how uneasy I would feel whenever Astoria would be beside him. “If I’m being honest he really did downgrade,” added Ron while he took a bite out of his sandwich.

“I-i can’t, I just know he’ll try to avoid me,” i mumbled.

“You really think that? Weren’t you the one who said that he pushed Greengrass off him when he saw you?” Mentioned Harry sarcastically as he put the daily prophet down.

“But that doesn’t mean he wants to talk to me, I bet he doesn’t even care about my existence,” I groaned while i glanced at all three of them while Harry had a smug expression painted across his face.”let’s test that theory shall we?” .You knew he had some type of plan.

__

“Malfoy, theres a letter that’s addressed to you,” spoke Crabbe as he took the letter between the beautiful white owl’s beak. Draco snatched the letter out of his hand and opened it:

Malfoy,

Meet me at the astronomy tower tonight at 12. This is extremely important, it’s about y/l/n. Her life is in danger.

Harry,

Draco read the letter, while his thoughts circled his head.His two minions, Crabbe and Goyle, tried peering over him to take a look at what was written.His heart started beating at a quicker pace and he was worried sick about you.He hastily shoved the letter back into it’s envelope.”What does it say Malfoy?” Asked Goyle curiously.

“It’s none of your business,” he snapped back.He didn’t want to put you into any type of danger because he still cared. He couldn’t bear seeing you hurt because he still loved you. However not everything was what it seemed.

—

“Harry I don’t want to start any trouble-,” I muttered before getting cut off.

“Come on y/n, tonight we’ll find out if he’s still in love with you,” interrupted Ron.

Hermione placed her hand on mine, almost as if she was trying to reassure me that everything would be okay. Harry’s owl came swooping through the gryffindor common rooms half open window as Hedwig plopped himself onto his owners shoulder while Harry stroked its feathers.

“He’s got the letter, now we just have to see if he turns up,” explained Harry as he looked at me flashing me a confident smile. I returned one back but something inside me made my stomach churn. What if Draco didn’t turn up. What if he didn’t really care about me and what if he was happy with Astoria. I had so many questions.

__

The clock striked twelve, and I cautiously made my way to the astronomy tower making sure no one saw me out of bed after curfew. I was still in my h/n uniform shivering as I had left my robe in the common room. Once I got there I gazed at the stars hoping that Draco would come. I still wanted him to care for me, to love me but as time ticked by I stood there reconsidering everything. I had made a fool out of myself by showing up, I should have known better. He had moved on and I should have too. I was about to leave when I heard a familiar voice. “What are you doing here?” Questioned Draco. I had turned around to see him although he was a few metres away from me. I couldn’t quite make out his expressions. “I thought I was here to meet Potter not you,” he snarled. If I was being honest his words cut me deep leaving a wound that wouldn’t ever be healed. He really seemed as if he didn’t want to see me but I still had hope.

He turned around and almost started walking away but I had stopped him. “ if you didn’t care about me you wouldn’t have showed up,” my voice slightly broke towards the end. Ever so slowly I had made my way towards him hesitantly placing my hand on his shoulder. He glanced back at me not fully turning but his expression seemed to ease down a bit. “ Draco, I know it was wrong but I just wanted to talk-,” I felt my eyes tearing up but I quickly wiped them away.

“There’s nothing to talk about,” he answered back.

“Yes there is, why did you dump me? Do you realise how much it hurts to see you and Greengrass in the hallways! do you realise what you put me thr-,” I started to raise my voice while I vented at him before he cut me off.

“What I put you through?! I had no choice y/n. Don’t you think it didn’t hurt me when I left you?!” He had never spoken to me like that before.

“I just want my answers Draco, why? Why did you do this? Why did you end ‘us’?,” I whispered as I tried fighting back my tears but I couldn’t. He turned around now facing me completely. He seemed nervous as if he didn’t know how to break the news to me but he knew he had to, he knew he couldn’t keep me in the dark like that.

“Because... because I’m marrying Astoria,”

I covered my mouth with my hand trying to muffle my cries that tried to escape, stumbling backwards from him. He had never seen me so devastated and it really showed. I could tell he wanted to comfort me but he couldn’t. It would have been wrong.

My sobs started to get worse and Draco had noticed. “Y/n I need you to calm down.. please,”. The tone in his voice was soft like butter and I couldn’t help but listen to him. Hesitantly I pulled him in for a tight hug I could tell from his body language that he didn’t expect me to do that. He didn’t hug me back although it felt like his hand was hovering against my back almost as if he wanted to but couldn’t. I pulled away from him patting my tears dry while I shivered in the cold. I could have sworn that the tension in the air could have been cut with a knife. The next thing I knew, Draco took of his slytherin robe and covered me with it to stop me from shaking. “ I thought maybe you would need it,” he stammered. I crossed my arms looking down at the ground.

“Why are you marrying her?” I questioned while I furrowed my brows together.

“It isn’t my choice y/n, my father wants me to marry her because she’s a pureblood,” he responded while he looked at you with blurry eyes. You knew that his parents wouldn’t have ever approved of you, well mostly Lucius. He had despised you since the day you walked into the Malfoy Manor after finding out you were a mudblood.

“You should have told me, we could have worked this out, we could have done som-,”

“THERES NOTHING WE CAN DO ABOUT IT!” He sneered as he quickly scuttled away leaving me alone at the top of the tower.

__

The winter break was here and you were returning home for the holidays.

Every night since my return at home i couldn’t help but think about him. I started to become restless and i wished for the holidays to come to an end quickly so that I could see him again but what was the point? He was happy with Astoria and I would eventually move on from him sooner or later but I still had faith.

__

When the Winter breaks had ended we were returned back to Hogwarts.

I remember when I had reached my dorm I started unpacking all my luggage when I found Draco’s robe inside my suitcase. I clutched onto it tightly while running my hand over the soft fabric inhaling his sweet scent that consisted of citrus and mint. Everything felt wrong. I had to give his robe back to him although he would have bought a new one but I still had to. I no longer meant anything to him.

—

The first class of the new semester was defense against the dark arts which was taught by Umbridge. Everyone seemed to loathe her apart from a bunch of kids who became a part of her clan. Unsuprisingly Malfoy was one of them.

I couldn’t help but stare across the room at him. He was just so beautiful. His prominent, sharp jawline could have easily cut whoever’s fingers glided across it and his magnificent blonde hair had grown a tiny bit compared to last year. I had sat there just admiring him from a distance when he seemed to notice when he had turned around to talk to Goyle. Our eyes had met until I pulled away quickly. I couldn’t do that to him since everything was over but I still yearned for him.

—

“I’m so sorry y/n, we didn’t expect Malfoy to react like that,” explained Hermione when you had told the trio everything that had happened before the winter break.

“I can’t believe he’s marrying her, out of all people he chooses Greengrass,” muttered Ron while he took a sip out of his cup.

“It’s not his choice Ron,” I mumbled under my breath just loud enough for him to hear .

“Are you going to give him his robe back?” Questioned Harry while he glanced at me with a weak smile.

“I suppose so, it doesn’t belong to me anymore,” I sighed while letting a shaky breathe out.

I could see from across the great hall, that he was staring at me until I had noticed. He quickly shifted his attention to Astoria while she rested her head on his shoulder. She was starting to infuriate me.

—

We were going to Hogsmeade today and unfortunately Harry couldn’t come because he couldn’t get permission to go on the trip or I could have hung out with him there. “Harry I’ll get you something from there,” I mentioned kindly with a small smile across my face. He simply nodded with a small smile and then left.

I thought it would be best if I left Ron and Hermione alone since I didn’t want to be the 3rd wheel besides I wanted to explore Hogsmeade alone and get all the heavy feelings of my chest and for once be carefree.

Once I had finished exploring all of Hogsmeade I decided to go to Honydukes to buy some candy for Harry since I knew he absolutely loved lemon Sherbets and well I had promised him I would bring him something back.

I went into the shop searching around for lemon sherbets and looking at the different types of candies in the glass jars until I saw Draco. Obviously he was with Astoria. My heart did a quick jump in my chest and I just froze. “What is she doing here?” Groaned Astoria. Draco just stared at me and then looked towards the ground. I could feel my hands starting to become clammy and a few drops of tears spilled down my face. “I see you EVERYWHERE, don’t you realise that things have ended between you and Draco? He’s MINE not YOURS,” sneered Greengrass. I quickly sprinted my way out of the shop while Draco was going to run after me but she had pulled him back from doing so.

—

The next day in the great hall, I hid my head in my hands silently wheeping trying not to cause a commotion while Hermione rubbed my back in circles. “You should have stuck with us,” spoke Hermione while Ron nodded along agreeing with her.

“If i were there I-“ Harry started but got cut off when Hermione silently shook her head slowly, almost telling him to stop rambling on.”i-i need to go.. I’ll be back,” I stuttered.

I went to my dorm and grabbed Draco’s old robe and hurried back into the great hall. I was striding towards him furiously while everyones attention was drawn on me. The next thing I knew Astoria and him both looked at me astonished as I threw his robe in his face.”thought this belonged to you,” i whispered while my voice cracked and off I stormed back to my dorm.

I could hear everyone in the great hall talking about the commotion I had just caused while I ran through the corridoors.

—

The next day was a ordinary Monday, Draco had promised to meet Astoria at lunch and then they would supposedly spend some time together. Lunch was intimidating for me. The buzz about all the drama that had happened yesterday was still news to everyone. People gave me sly looks from across the hall and others were concerned or confused.

Draco would give me small glances then look away just in case I saw. In my heart I still felt as if he wanted me but I wasn’t so sure. It had been a long period of time and it felt as if the 2 were starting to become closer than ever.

—

After lunch Astoria and Draco were walking the hogwarts grounds. She practically forced him to drape his robe around her. Greengrass was very touchy and there were moments that made him uncomfortable and he would slightly move out of her grasp.

“I don’t understand why y/l/n always has to come between us,” she muttered. Draco stopped walking and looked her in the eye.

“I don’t understand why you hate her so much, what has she ever done to you?” He snarled. Certainly Astoria never expected Draco to ever defend you like that, after all what were you to him?

“Draco, what are you saying?” She questioned while her cheeks turned a tint of red in embarrassment. He took a few steps towards her until the gap between them closed. He seemed agitated while he clenched his fists tightly.

“I’ve never wanted to marry you,” he snapped. Astorias heart started beating rapidly at this point he was scaring her.”Its never been you, it’s always been her,” he sneered as he snatched his cloak away from her body leaving her shivering in the snow.

—

I was at the top of the astronomy tower, lunch had just finished but since it was still winter season the sky has turned dark in the evening. I looked up at the sky admiring the beautiful colours above. This was my favourite spot to relax. A place for me to escape all of my worries and concerns. Everything that had been happening felt like a nightmare that wouldn’t stop haunting me. If I was being honest I had wished that Draco would be beside me, vibing into the moment like we use to but all of that was gone. I started to shiver slightly as I was only in my uniform and I had again left my robe inside thinking that I would be in all day. Turns out I was wrong after all.

Suddenly someone covered me with their robe. It smelt familiar, like mint and citrus fruit and it’s aroma was sweet with a hint of bitterness. “Thought this belonged to you,” uttered the voice softly under its breath. I slowly turned around to face the person when I saw Draco stood behind me.

To my surprise he gave me tight hug lifting me off the ground since he’s way taller than I am. The hug was different. He didn’t seem to hesitate and it seemed confident like he thoroughly wanted to. He held me there almost cradling me until I slightly wriggled out of his grasp. “Malfoy What is wrong with y-,”. He immediately went in for a kiss. It wasn’t anything extra just a peck on the lips until I pulled away from him. “Draco we can’t do this,” I spoke while my cheeks blushed.

“why can’t we?,” he asked while he pulled me back moving me closer towards him. He was acting totally weird as if he suddenly forgot that he was going to be marrying Astoria. “I think you’ve forgot that your marrying Greengrass,” I sighed after letting a deep breathe out. He seemed to loosen his grip and that managed to create a one metre distance between the two of us. He scratched the back of his head while I crossed my arms trying to avoid eye contact.

“Yeah um.. about that, I don’t want to marry her,” he spoke.

“What do you mean?” I asked hastily.

“Look I know after all that we’ve been through it was wrong for me to leave you like that with any sort of explanation and i just want you to know I’m- im sorry. I don’t care what my father has to say about the two of us. it’s never been her... it’s always been you,” he confessed. I stared into his beautiful eyes and I could tell he really meant what he said. The same Draco Malfoy has apologised for everything he had done and he was even ready to fight against his own father. On my tiptoes I caressed his alluring face with both of my hands as I pulled him down a bit until our lips grazed against each other. The next thing I knew his lips were on mine while one of my hands found their way to his head, softly tugging on the bottom of his platinum blonde hair while his arm slithered across my waist pulling me closer to him till no space was left between us. Pulling away panting slightly I smiled widely. Everything had gone back to what it was and I couldn’t have been more elated. “It’s always been you,” he whispered.

[punchdrunkdoc]

Updated K-drama list (3)

4 more shows DONE and there’s been some changes to the rankings...

FAVOURITES

1. Crash Landing on You

He’s from North Korea. She’s from South Korea. They never should have met, but they’ll change each other’s lives.

This was my first K-drama, and its still my favourite. The full cast of characters is great, the lead romance is ANGSTALICIOUS and its genuinely, laugh out loud funny (when its not making you cry or swoon).

Male lead: Officially the best boyfriend ever. With added dimples.

Tear-jerk factor: 4/5

2. Healer

The lives, and pasts, of a hot shot reporter, a spunky young tabloid journalist and a mysterious thief-for-hire intersect.

This was so addictive - the plot was tight and engaging, and this is one of the few shows I’ve watched where there didn’t seem to be a lot of filler. I loved the central 3 characters, and the romance was amazing. I especially loved that the male lead started off such a brooding loner, but he became super-affectionate as soon as he admitted his feelings. So many good hugs and lots of face-cradling in this one.

Male lead: Effortlessly beats up 2 henchmen while comforting his girl over the phone. What more do you need?

Tear-jerk factor: 1/5

3. Itaewon Class

A young man’s life is forever altered when he runs afoul of a powerful family.

This felt like a big step up in quality from everything else in this list, in terms of the production, soundtrack (which was brilliant), the lack of annoying sound effects, and just the overall ‘real world’ feel of the show. All of the characters were fleshed out and 3-dimensional, and they all had their ‘moment’ to shine. The story itself was gripping and so well done - some of the twists and reveals had me gasping! And what can I say about the 2 leads? I love them, both separately, and together. He is so wise beyond his years, and his journey will break your heart and inspire you. She is borderline sociopathic, but I adore her.

Male lead: Tenacious, principled, kind, innocent, caring, driven, loyal…and he can cook!

Tear-jerk factor: 2/5

4. Descendants of the Sun

A special forces Captain meets a capable and beautiful trauma surgeon. They feel an instant bond, but their jobs and philosophy on life get in the way, threatening to tear them apart.

Halfway through this show, I seriously thought this might overtake CLOY as my No. 1 fav. I absolutely LOVE the male lead character, and the romance was beautiful…but it didn’t quite nail the angst and the last minute was a bit twee which dropped it down the rankings a bit.

Male lead: A cocky, charming, absolute BADASS with the most adorable, cheeky smile.

Tear-jerk factor: 2/5

5. My Holo Love

A lonely woman falls for a holographic AI and then meets his creator...

I love the concept of this show (I’m a big sci-fi nerd), and it was beautifully shot. The lead relationship is well developed and it doesnt fall into a typical love triangle. I’ve come to realise it utilises a lot of K-drama tropes (face-blindness! shared childhood trauma!), but it does it really well, imho.

Male lead: Tortured loner genius. My catnip.

Tear-jerk factor: 2/5

6. Goblin

A 900yr old immortal guardian finally meets the ‘bride’ who will end his existence

Once I got over the slight ick-factor of the age difference between the two characters at the beginning, I really fell for this show and it’s world. It had me in tears. And I especially loved the secondary character of the Grim Reaper.

Male lead: Surprising innocent and funny for a 900 year old

Tear-Jerk factor: 5/5

7. What’s Wrong with Secretary Kim

An personal assistant decides to quits her job in order to get a life. Her boss has other ideas.

I loved the female lead in this - I’m a sucker for uber-competent people, and the actress is STUNNING. Her boss is self-centred, entitled and vain...but over time, somehow that just becomes endearing! This show also has lots of very good kissing scenes...and when he started to unbutton her shirt during one encounter, I was SCANDALISED (did I mention these shows are usually very PG!!)

Male lead: Like I said, somehow makes vanity and narcissism endearing. Also not afraid to get his shirt off and flash his 6-pack. Bonus.

Tear-Jerk factor: 0/5

8. Legend of the Blue Sea

A mermaid comes onto land to find the man she loves

The (literal) fish-out-of-water scenes in the first half of this show were hilarious - the actress is a comic genius! The romance was nicely done, and there wasn’t a lot of extraneous plot or too many characters. I couldn’t stop watching this one!

Male lead: Cocky, arrogant conman with a soft mushy centre

Tear-Jerk factor: 1/5

9. Fight for my Way

Two life-long friends decide to go after their dreams

I found this during my Park Seo Joon binge and, even though I fast-forwarded large chunks of it (I wasn’t interested in the secondary couple at all), it still made my favourite list because I love the leads - both as separate characters and as a couple. This is one of the best friends-to-lovers stories I’ve seen, mainly because you truly buy that these 2 have known each other their entire lives (their  bickering and teasing feels so natural). And then when they take the next step, they’re so affectionate and refreshingly open with their feelings.

Male lead: I love his contradictions. He’s goofy and childish…but can really turn on the sexy charm; he’s a badass MMA fighter…who loves when his girlfriend sticks up for him and protects him.

Tear-jerk factor: 0.5/5

10. Suspicious Partner

A young, hardworking lawyer has her life turned upside down when she is put on trial for murder.

This has been officially bumped up to my favourites list - partly because I’m now a massive Ji Chang Wook fan, and partly because I’ve rewatched scenes with better subtitiles and it made everything10x better. Its still overly long, but the serial killer plot had some nice twists and it was central to the story, so it didn’t feel extraneous like some of these types of plots do. I really enjoyed the central romance - the 2 characters sparked off each other well and I loved their evolution from sort-of enemies to lovers.

Male lead: Its Ji Chang Wook! He’s so good at playing serious guys who are secretly big dorks

Tear-jerk factor: 0.5/5

Notable mentions

These are shows which I completed and enjoyed but they didn’t set my world on fire. Usually because they were overly long, or the plot got in the way of the characters/love story.  

1. The K2

An ex-mercenary takes a job as a bodyguard protecting the illegitimate daughter of a politician. A sort-of Snow White retelling.

This started off really well, with some amazing fight sequences (hello, shower room scene!). However, the back half became too bogged down in double crosses and manipulations, and it focussed too much on the politicians. The writers did well to give these characters some layers, but they were all essentially doing bad things for the wrong reasons, and I just didn’t care about them. The show was much better when it was following K2’s journey. The romance also started off well, but was a bit underdeveloped (mainly because they barely interacted).

2. I Am Not a Robot

A man who is allergic to human contact finds companionship with a robot…or does he?

I honestly thought I wouldn’t make it passed a couple of episodes of this - the concept was just too ridiculous. But I’m glad I perservered, because it developed some real depth and some proper good angst towards the end.

3. My Love from the Star

Alien stranded on earth meets an actress soon before he’s due to be rescued.

I finally gave this another chance, and I’m glad I did. The female lead got a LOT less irritating, and I enjoyed the present-day romance and all the flashes back to the past. However, the ending was really abrupt and disappointing (which kept it out of my favourite list). There should have been 1 less filler episode in the middle, and a decent, fleshed out finale instead.

4. Her Private Life

A talented art curator tries to keep her professional persona separate from her fangirl obsession with a pop idol.

This was cute and I loved the central relationship - he was so supportive of her, and their interactions were refreshingly mature and their banter felt really natural. Ultimately, it was a bit forgettable (I’m not dying to rewatch any of it), and the last minute tacked-on childhood trauma subplot was really unnecessary.

5. Strong Girl Bong-Soon

A woman with inherited super-strength gets a job as a bodyguard for an eccentric young CEO

The lead couple in this are AD-OR-ABLE and I loved their relationship. But there was a weird tone issue in this show. The romance is super cute...but there’s a whole dark sub plot involving multiple women being held captive by a psychopath. I ended up fast forwarding most of that, and just concentrated on the romance.

6. Touch Your Heart

Star actress rocked by scandal works at a law firm to prepare for her comeback role

This starred the secondary couple from Goblin and I really like them, even though they are playing very different characters in this (more opposites attract, than doomed lovers). At first I found this too ‘cutesy’, but I’ve since realised the sound effects/graphics are a K-drama thing and not unique to this show, so I’m not as down on it as I was. I still had to fast forward a lot of the secondary romances which I wasn’t invested in.

The others…

1. Hyde, Jekyll and Me

A woman becomes involved in the lives of 2 men, who share one body

This stars Hyun Bin from CLOY and he is sooo watchable, especially as the slick-haired, glasses-wearing, uptight Seo-Jin. And the show started well...but quickly went off the rails into a convoluted, dragged-out revenge plot.

2. Melting Me Softly

Two people are accidentally cryogenically frozen for 20 years. They have to navigate the modern world and their new lives together.

Another good concept, but it ultimately descended into little more than a light work-place romance. Had a couple of good kissing scenes, but it was overall a bit forgettable.

And the DNF:

My Secret Romance

I started watching this because I was looking for something a little less PG - the characters have a one night stand in the first episode! But I couldn’t get passed the bad acting and cheap production.

Master’s Sun

I liked the premise but the 2 leads weren’t very attractive (at least in comparison to the insanely beautiful actors/actresses in the shows listed above). Call me superficial, but I couldn’t see myself spending 17 hours watching them and willing them to kiss.

[margridarnauds]

Did you watch some Shiki Stage Musicals ? I also love how their productions look through th PV and the documentaries but it seems to me that people not talk so much about the Company contrary to Toho Stage. Is that because they have another politics concerning their musicals ? Also what you can tell about the Shiki Actresses ? What are the differences with the Toho Actresses ?

Your timing is actually IMPECCABLE here, because I was only just looking at Shiki’s channel as you sent that on and thinking about how I’ve somewhat neglected it. In Toho’s defense: It’s only really as well known as it is because me and a few others worked our tails off to get it SOME recognition, and we’re still actively working on trying to keep things that way. An awareness of what Toho is has been slowly spreading through the last few years, since we’ve been making gifsets and posting material, but it’s still very much in the shadow of Zuka, in many ways. There just...is not that much attention paid to non-Zuka Japanese Musicals, sadly, and even Zuka tends to fall into the “niche interest” category, and for the past few years, my attention’s been kind of spread thin trying to go from new Toho musical to new Toho musical while also checking on whatever’s happening in Korea at the moment. 

As a warning, I do not know NEARLY as much about Shiki as I do about Toho and Zuka; it can be on the elusive side as far as tracking down material, especially as a non-Japanese speaker, so I’m very willing to be wrong here. 

So, what I would say, off the bat, is that there isn’t really the same rivalry between Shiki and Toho that there is between, say, Zuka and Toho. Or at least. None that I’ve personally witnessed. I think that people are generally willing to attend both, though Toho does have the prestige of having The Imperial Seal™ (at Imperial Prices™ to match.) On a personal level, the reason for why I *personally* don’t work with it as much is nothing really personal against Shiki, but more that, specifically because a ton of their musicals are taken from Broadway, that means that the rights to distribution are...well. Complicated. Which means that you don’t really GET proshots of Shiki musicals as such. Not saying it will never happen. But I’m saying that, as of the present, Shiki doesn’t really do it. Which means that I have considerably less material to properly work with, as opposed to Toho where, okay, proshots are limited, but they do happen, and so I can watch the entire musical and draw material from there. With Shiki, I only ever have a few minutes to work off of. Shiki is, in that sense, still very much kind of confined to Japan, since the only way to REALLY support them is to go to Japan and attend a musical yourself, which...well. I can’t really do. That and, at the risk of being perfectly blunt, I’m a sucker for really, really expensive costumes, and Toho happens to know how to appeal to that. 

Looking online at fanboards, whenever someone asks the question “Toho or Shiki?” the general consensus really seems to be “It’s impossible to really compare them because they’re essentially different styles of musical entirely.” Shiki is....I don’t know how to say this in a way that doesn’t devalue one or the other, but it tends to be a little more light-hearted, it has a little more of that family-friendly “People can bring their families for a night out at the musicals” charm, while Toho....well. Okay, if I theoretically had spawn, I would be willing to take them to, say, Roman Holiday or Fiddler on the Roof at Toho, but....1789? MARIE ANTOINETTE (with its lovely depictions of mob violence, swearing, and references to incest and sexual abuse)? NO. NO. SAVE YOURSELF, SMALL CHILD. And, of course, the light, happy Black Butler musicals. Toho.....not ALL the time, of course, but it tends, in my opinion, to have a darker edge. The musicals are glorious, the production values are high, and the costuming is fantastic, but still. A darker edge. Even among their more family friendly musicals, like Fiddler, they’re still....mature, you know? You get the feeling with Toho that the people watching it are all very much adults. Takarazuka....I’d have LESS trouble bringing my hypothetical spawn to, but also, traditionally, Takarazuka is generally, in a Japanese context, associated with middle-aged women. Also keeping in mind that children have low attention spans and I’m not sure they would REALLY want to watch a 20 minute revue at the end, though the revue is undoubtedly cool. 

But Shiki? It’s bright, it’s colorful, it does musicals like The Little Mermaid, Frozen, The Lion King, and Mamma Mia (which is DEFINITELY not for kids, really, but still has that kind of....happy, sparky vibe to it). Also musicals that have come to really represent BROADWAY tend to get staged there, like Phantom of the Opera, Evita, and Cats. Yeah, it doesn’t quite have the budget of Toho or Zuka, but it’s FUN.  Everyone there IS trained, and it can actually be a decent way of checking who might be up and coming in the Japanese musical world, since, of course, just because someone STARTS OFF with Shiki doesn’t mean they can’t move to Toho (I believe that Mitsuo Yoshihara, for one example, started with Shiki, as did Rie Yoshizawa, who is better known by me for playing Mary I in “Lady Bess” but also played in Mamma Mia and A Chorus Line at Shik, and Megumi Hamada, who is arguably one of the most respected female Japanese musical performers of our time, with her roles in Wicked (Shiki), Mamma Mia (Shiki), Beauty and the Beast (Shiki), Death Note (Toho), Sunset Boulevard (Toho), Love Never Dies (Toho), and Jekyll and Hyde (Toho) giving her a reputation of a truly world-class diva, in the best possible sense of the term.)

As with Toho, you have to go through an audition to get in -- Personally, I think that Shiki has more fresh blood passing through it than Toho, which can sometimes cycle the same cast around repeatedly, with the exception of musicals like Les Miserables and Miss Saigon that tend to be star creators. (ALWAYS take note of who’s playing Enjolras in Les Mis in particular; a lot of Toho stars have made their careers that way, ditto for Eponine and Kim in Miss Saigon. Not that I recommend anyone watch Miss Saigon. Because it’s a racist, orientalist mess. But at least check the cast list for it.) So, as with Toho, you do generally have people who went to school for acting and singing, though you don’t REALLY get, say, former Takarazuka actresses. I don’t think that Shiki is generally (underline generally, because no sooner do I give out a rule than I find that someone broke the rule) considered to be prestigious enough for the REALLY high profile stars. It’s a good place, again, it isn’t like there’s a STIGMA against it, but it’s just a matter of degree. So, my dream of seeing Sayaka Kanda playing Princess Anna of Arendelle on stage is tragically doomed. 

Compared to Toho, I have relatively few actresses I’m really ATTACHED to, mainly because I think that Shiki doesn’t really emphasize the performer as much as the musical, if that makes any sense? Shiki, unlike Toho, subscribes to what is called the “auteur theory” which, put to its core, states that it is a strict meritocracy, with no famous celebrities being cast, and that actors exist to make a musical shine, not the other way around. (Takarazuka is the polar opposite, emphasizing the Top Star system, while Toho is halfway in-between the two of them, as discussed here.) Which is good, to some extent, since I firmly believe that a musical should never be about one person and, quite frankly, I have seen my fair share of cases where a single actor’s vanity tanked my impression of a musical, but it also makes it a little harder to get attached to individual actresses/actors when I don’t really get to see that much of them. Two that I’ve noted: 

- Azusa Hirata - A particularly interesting case because, unlike the usual cases I see where you have a Shiki actress “graduating” to Toho in a sense, she actually went from doing quite a few Toho musicals in her youth to doing Shiki. She actually won the 1st International Szilvester Levay International Singing Competition, where she performed “Blind vom Licht” from Marie Antoinette (of course I have to like her). Her rendition isn’t my FAVORITE in terms of the context of the musical, a little too polished for my personal tastes, but still brilliant, and she definitely earned her spot. 

- Masae Ebata - The youngest Donna Sheridan in the world, at the age of just 30, and renowned for playing both Donna and Sophie in the same performance period. Also the VERY first Korean performer to play the role of Elphaba in Wicked, before the official Korean premiere in 2012. It’s been noted that, along with her voice being very good, she pronounces her Japanese VERY well, which is something that many Korean performers coming to Japan have trouble with (another performer who’s been noted for it is Park Hye-Na in Death Note.) 

- Marie Wakana - Her performance of “Part of Your World” in the PV is SO good. 

(I actually suspect that this might be partially why Shiki doesn’t have as much of an international following, because foreign fans will generally get really attached to a singular STAR, whereas the Shiki musicals don’t have that same bait. They don’t really have a Furukawa Yuta of their own, someone who, just by name alone, they’re like ‘Ah, yes, they’ll be playing in this musical, so it’s going to be a good show.’ And, for most international fans, I feel like, without the allure of a castmember they’re attached to, they might look at Shiki musicals and essentially go “What are they doing that I can’t get closer to home?” That’s my SUSPICION, at any rate.) 

[dweemeister]

A Star Is Born (1937)

Hollywood fame and fortune and everything that goes with it has been a favorite topic of American movies since popular fan-driven culture around the art form has existed. Show People (1928), Sunset Boulevard (1950), and most recently La La Land (2016) have been crafted by Hollywood about Hollywood. One film about Hollywood that has been remade twice and, soon, thrice, is A Star Is Born – originally starring Janet Gaynor and Fredric March, directed by William A. Wellman, and produced by David O. Selznick. The 1954 version starred Judy Garland and James Mason; the 1976 version starred Barbra Streisand and Kris Kristofferson; the 2018 version will star Stefani Germanotta (Lady Gaga’s given name) and Bradley Cooper. I have not seen the 1976 A Star Is Born, and the 1954 remake is the subject of the first write-up I ever published on this blog (it’s short and embarrassing; I knew much less about writing on cinema than I do now... and I still don’t think I’m good at this).

Before A Star Is Born, Hollywood movies about Hollywood painted a rosy picture of the movie industry, where the greatest cinematic talents come to work and where success is no stranger to those to dedicate everything they have. Of course, that image is a sanitized one, and did not apply to countless ethnic and racial minorities, as well as advantaging men over women. Some things just have not changed, obviously (although the industry continues to make improvements), but A Star Is Born has never approached these inequalities from that angle. Nevertheless, it is still within this context that A Star Is Born frames a desire for stardom – the fantasy of what it looks like, the disappointment and personal tragedies that can occur.

Esther Victoria Blodgett (Gaynor) lives in an agricultural North Dakota town with her family. The local movie theater is one of her few means of escape, and she aspires to be the next Greta Garbo, Katharine Hepburn, or Mae West. Everyone in the family disparages those dreams, except Grandmother Lettie (May Robson). Grandmother Lettie lends Esther money for the train ride to and lodgings in Southern California. Esther begins living in a boarding house with other Hollywood hopefuls, like out-of-work assistant director Danny McGuire (Andy Devine), but is stonewalled when the casting agency refuses to accept any more applications for extra parts. Danny pulls some strings and gets Esther a job serving at a high-end Hollywood party. Actor Norman Maine (March) – whose career has been slowly declining – finds himself attracted to Esther, and convinces producer Oliver Niles (Adolphe Menjou) to allow her a screen test. She does well. In the tradition of the old Hollywood Studio System providing their newest contractees stage names, Esther is renamed “Vicki Lester”, and has a sensational debut film starring opposite Norman, her love. But as Norman’s career and mental health continue to tumble, Vicki Lester becomes the world’s darling.

As A Star Is Born was released to theaters, the career trajectories of Janet Gaynor and Fredric March were the reverse of the characters they played. Gaynor (1927′s 7th Heaven and Sunrise: A Song of Two Humans) became a premier box office draw for Fox Film Corporation (renamed “20th Century Fox” in 1935) in the later silent years, but her draw had waned by the mid-1930s, and she retired from the movies in 1939, at age thirty-three – her reason: to seek out other adventures and raise a family. For Fredric March, after years wallowing as an extra with Paramount, breakout leading roles came in Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde (1932) and this film. March sustained an excellent standard of work into a decades-spanning career with highlights such as The Best Years of Our Lives (1946) and Inherit the Wind (1960).

Though March sometimes outperforms his co-star, do not underestimate Gaynor’s ability to sell the small-town-girl to the audience. There is an awkwardness and innocence in her performance as this North Dakotan transplant to Southern California. As the initial wonderment fades into a grind of job searching, Esther finds herself within touching distance of Hollywood royalty, but with the financial comforts of cinematic success galaxies away. When she receives her big break, Esther is a natural at acting (her brief imitations of the most popular American actresses of the 1930s during the party she is waitressing at are a treasure). But when she is no longer in the soundstage shooting a scene, Gaynor believably makes the transition from artifice to reality. As meta as that sounds (movies about Tinseltown tend to be riddled with self-references, whether self-important or satirical), we notice that Esther Blodgett – Vicki Lester – has changed with experience and the long hours her work demands. Compared to Judy Garland’s interpretation of the same role, there is more sunny optimism in Gaynor’s performance compared to Garland’s anxiety and natural melancholy. The latter is the better actress and produces the better performance. Even then, Gaynor’s turn as Esther Blodgett is worthy of acclaim.

March, whose character of Norman Maine is on the descendancy, is heartbreaking. Here, he plays of a man weakened by personal exhaustion, professional disappointment, feelings of worthlessness. His attitude swings are remarkable – at times, displaying a lovely intimacy with Gaynor; other times, going through the motions of a fearsome, drunken rage that frightens onlookers and enthralls the sensationalized press.

Since five years ago after viewing the 1954 Judy Garland-James Mason remake for the first time and dealing with my own mental health problems, your reviewer has become more sensitive to the portrayal of mental illness in movies – I am no expert, nor are my problems perfectly transferable to a piece of fiction or to the lives of others. Both the original and the 1954 remake share an almost identical error: an inability to portray Norman Maine in a way that fully contextualizes his alcoholism and mental problems, as well as providing a more acceptable cause and justification for his fate. Without spoiling for those who have never seen any iteration of A Star Is Born, it is obvious that Norman cares for Esther/Vicki, that jealousy – if Norman has any directed towards his love – is not actively defining their relationship. It makes Norman’s decisions in the film’s final minutes feel so arbitrary, swift.

We know more about mental illness better today than screenwriters Wellman, Robert Carson, Dorothy Parker, and Alan Campbell could possibly have done so in 1937. Yet the screenwriters actively portray a variety of characters – central and peripheral – attempting to shield Norman from the stigma hurled by those who do not care to understand. Norman’s destructiveness is handled sensitively, and Esther/Vicki’s decision to help her beloved is one of the most positive portrayals of being an ally to combat an enemy unknowable to many, unseen to all. Of course, A Star Is Born is Esther’s story of creativity and tenacity in what was and still remains an unforgiving, cutthroat industry. But as her world intermingles with his and as she begins to accept that arrangement, the screenplay is looking for a flourish for its Hollywood ending. That ending, however, disrespects Norman’s self-loathing and Esther’s sadness that she alone can only be of so much help.

One character, press agent Matt Libby (Lionel Stander), is depicted as a publicity-ravenous individual who distastes privacy, and delights himself in manufactured, all-American narratives for the stars of Oliver Niles’ studio. A Star Is Born’s cynicism is contained within Libby, with shame and taste becoming irrelevant when there are movie stars to profit from and fans – suckers, really – ready to swoon at their favorite actors’ work. If anything, Hollywood is a talent and personality machine, ready to assemble the newest products and to declare an earlier, outdated figure obsolete. There is no regard to hurt feelings, loyalty, or friendship here. Such is the Hollywood Esther Blodgett and Norman Maine find themselves in.

Accusations of plagiarism also hounded Selznick International Pictures, as a similarly-written movie, What Price Hollywood? (1932), released by RKO, has an almost identical premise and similar plot twists, but with lesser-known stars (Constance Bennett and Lowell Sherman). David O. Selznick produced both What Price Hollywood? and A Star Is Born, and though RKO prepared their lawyers to sue Selznick International, they ultimately declined to pursue the lawsuit.

After its release, Selznick International sold the rights to A Star Is Born to Warner Bros., which allowed them to remake the film in 1954. But when Warner Bros. failed to renew the copyright to the 1937 original, it entered the United States’ public domain. The curse of some public domain movies is that, without that commercial value of the copyright protection, studios are loath to grant such a film a restoration. W. Howard Greene’s cinematography suffers, as 1937′s A Star Is Born was one of the first live-action feature films to use three-strip Technicolor (invented in 1932, Walt Disney negotiated an exclusive use of three-strip Technicolor until September 1935), instead of using the limited shades of greens and reds seen in two-strip Technicolor. In this collaboration and in the imperfect print that I watched on Turner Classic Movies (TCM), Greene and Wellman never allow the Technicolor to feature the range of its palette as much as they could.

Following the film’s release, speculation abounded whether or not A Star Is Born was based on a real-life example of a closely-knit Hollywood rise and decline. Some cite Barbara Stanwyck’s (1937′s Stella Dallas, 1944′s Double Indemnity) seven-year marriage to Frank Fay (primarily a stage actor, originated Elwood P. Dowd in Harvey) to be the primary influence, even if John Bowers  (1921′s The Ace of Hearts and The Sky Pilot) has been noted as the actual inspiration for Norman Maine. For those better-versed in the private lives of Hollywood actors than yours truly, speculate away.

So what is so compelling about A Star Is Born that this story has been repeated three other times? That’s not even mentioning derivative – a word which is not here being used in a derisive fashion – films that followed decades later. For as much as many movie fans and those not as accustomed to American cinema as a whole might be repulsed by what fame in the entertainment industry brings, we continue to consume these stories. Something in there, among the affluent actors, is an aspect we recognize about ourselves, us ordinary moviegoers that can no longer imagine ourselves as headline movie stars.

It seems appropriate, then, to have Grandmother Lettie help bring this write-up to its end:

Esther, everyone in this world who has ever dreamed about better things has been laughed at, don't you know that? But there's a difference between dreaming and doing. The dreamers just sit around and moon about how wonderful it would be if only things were different. And the years roll on and, by and by, they grow and they forget everything, even about their dreams.

Esther Blodgett has sacrificed her time, energy, sanity, and well-being to be where she is. By personalizing Esther the way this film has, we cannot help but root for her success, that those who love her the most are able to see her triumphs for themselves. If they are unable to do so, we hope that their support for her continues to leave legacies after the thrill of parties and premieres has gone.

My rating: 8/10

^ Based on my personal imdb rating. My interpretation of that ratings system can be found here.

[two-faces-story]

Two Faces - Chapter 7

Addiction Lanyon, Addiction

Wattpad link in FAQ

Henry Jekyll was pacing in Lanyon's parlor, opening and closing his glasses rapidly, an uncomfortable fidget reminiscent of the unsettling amount energy that he'd felt during the experiment. Mania certainly, yet it hadn't removed or replaced the shadow that still lingered in his mind, whispering of death and dark things. Only the exhaustion had changed, and it was a welcome one despite this energy being funneled through dark and dismal thoughts.

Jekyll put his glasses on and began to wring his hands, feeling his gloves rub over his palms and the scars on his fingertips. It still stunned him that he had not been scared to wear these as Edward, he hadn't been afraid of anything really. His anxiety from people seeing the telltale scars vanished completely and they became part of Hyde's persona as opposed to a mark of weakness in Jekyll's.

The door slammed shut and Henry jumped in surprise, spinning to face the sound. Lanyon paused in the doorway, his arms laden with books and eyes ringed with familiar dark shadows. He looked more tired and ruffled than usual, his light hair an utter mess, his chin unshaven, and his wirey frame bending from exhaustion. "Henry? Are you alright? I didn't mean to startle you."

"Fine," Jekyll lied flawlessly, instantly relaxing his posture in a practiced manner. "Thank you for this Jacob, I am quite er-" he searched for a word or phrase- "not sure, but I am not well and I need to speak with you."

"I can see it on your face," Lanyon said with a smirk as he strode forward, unceremoniously dropping the books onto the small table at the center of the room. He dropped onto the couch and motioned for Henry to do the same, "Come on, sit and tell me good friend, what is troubling you so deeply. Or, is it merely one of your moods come back with a vengeance?"

"I fear it could be something wonderful and terrifying," Jekyll said, sitting on the couch and folding his gloved hands in his lap. "I, believe I have discovered something in my experiments, something that makes me feel alive and whole and-"

"Pardon, are you courting someone?" teased Lanyon, grinning widely. Henry frowned, "NO! Far from it Jacob! This is far more dangerous and far more potent. I cannot explain it yet, I do not have enough data yet to determine what changes it could bring."

"And why are you telling me this with so little information beyond you're getting into trouble again?" Lanyon sat back with his arms folded, raising a brow at Henry suspiciously. Jekyll rolled his eyes, "This is because I have so little information Lanyon. I felt you, a fellow scientist, would be the best person to know given you're most likely to understand that-"

And here he hesitated, in a second deciding to share his secret or stay silent.

"That is has required me to hire an assistant," Jekyll said with a smile. Hyde was Jekyll, despite how different the two appeared, it would be easy to deceive that one was under the employ of the other. However, if Jekyll again forgot himself as Hyde and did something that couldn't be hidden, the actual Henry Jekyll would receive a devastating blow to his reputation. But if the two could coexist, then perhaps.

Lanyon clearly didn't believe his friend, that much was clear from the deadpan expression on his face. "Someone to keep you on track or keep you sane?"

"Neither," Henry replied jovially. "He will act as, well, I'm not certain yet as to what he will be doing. But I know for a fact he will help me with my experiments and I don't doubt you will see him before this is through."

"Did you hire a some bum off the street to be a test subject?" Jacob deadpanned again. Henry scowled, "Lanyon, I am more ethical than that."

Lanyon shrugged and sat up, "Fine, if you say so. Can I at least know this fellow's name or do I have to wait for him to show up at my door?" Lanyon scowled when Jekyll hesitated, "Henry, you and I have known each other for almost fifteen years now, do you not trust me?"

"I do indeed trust you," Jekyll said, sighing. "His name is Edward Hyde and, well, he's certainly an interesting, person." He shook his head, "I tell you about him because his, condition, could cause us a problem."

"His, condition," Jacob repeated, frowning. He rolled his eyes, "Henry, you've gotten yourself into quite the problem haven't you? What's wrong with him?"

"Addiction Lanyon, addiction to the slums and sins of London." Jekyll scowled, his hands bunching into fists as he recalled his violent and useless actions he wasted the last night on. "He sees it all as so beautiful, as if the world was his to discover and change at will, and he cares not at all for his reputation!"

"Perhaps I could speak to this gentleman?" Lanyon mused, shrugging slightly. "He sounds an interesting individual for conversation."

"I assure you he's not." Knowing how low his inhibitions fell when he was Hyde, Jekyll mostly feared he would outright confess everything to Lanyon or worse, insult him beyond resolve as he'd wanted to do before.

Jacob rolled his eyes again, "Oh of course. He must be so horrid that Henry Jekyll couldn't bear to hire him as and assistant." He elbowed Jekyll and smiled playfully, "You already forgot about that didn't you."

"Indeed," Henry groaned.

Lanyon chuckled, "So, I"m assuming this is a family thing as opposed to business, then? After all if he is indeed so horrid, why would you have hired him?"

"Yes, it is family, I should've outright said that I suppose." Why not? They could be mistaken for brothers given they had the same face to a certain extent. Family was by far the easiest excuse, why hadn't he thought of that? Lanyon laughed again, "Easy old friend, just give me the word and I can talk to this fellow for you."

"Jacob you don't-"

"Ah ah! Now that's enough protesting!" Jacob said firmly, sitting up. He took Jekyll by the shoulders, "Why kind of friend would I be if I didn't offer you aid when things became difficult?" He grinned and nodded reassuringly before standing, "Now, would you prefer a red or a white?"

"A, red," Henry answered, smiling. Lanyon turned and strode across the room, Jekyll's smile only widened. All according to plan, with Lanyon knowing of Hyde it'd be a reminder to Jekyll to behave himself a it more. And, if worse came to worse, he could be a powerful asset to snap Edward back into place. Either way, Lanyon was too great an asset to lose their friendship.

The two of them talked amicably all evening over wine and dinner, and through it, Henry's spirits did rise a little. But his mind kept returning to his lab, to the serum waiting for him. Poole would've likely turned in for the night when he returned, but even so she didn't notice the last time he took the serum. (Probably due to the fact he nearly chewed a leather belt in half trying not to scream) The second transformation had been only slightly less painful, but it was already more bearable.

Jekyll left Lanyon's home in slightly lighter spirits, only for his mind to return to the darkness of which he was chained, feeling his heart sink back into despair as he walked home. To his surprise and displeasure, Violet was waiting for him.

"Welcome home doctor!" she said, meeting him at the door, a paper package in her hands. "This was delivered while you were out."

Jekyll's eyes went wide and he practically ripped the package from her hands, "Who is it from? Did it say?" She sheepishly held up a card and read it aloud: "Watson and Locke tailoring, down on fifth street? It's addressed to you and apparently it was placed about a week ago. Did, did you forget it sir?"

"Yes that's, exactly it," Henry said, slowing his panicked breathing. God, such a tiny thing struck such fear into him. "It is, a gift for my cousin, the man I told you I was hiring?"

"You never mentioned he was family," Violet said, frowning. "Or, that you had cousins."

"You learn things when family passes away," he said nonchalantly, hurrying for the stairs and leaving a perplexed Poole behind. "I will be in my room for the evening, do not disturb me if you can help it Violet."

"I, uh, yes sir!" she called from below, watching confusedly as he slammed the door shut behind.

Jekyll threw the package on the bed, staring at it for a moment. The whole thing was closed with a thick purple ribbon, tied in a bow. His hands shook as he pulled apart the bow, unwrapping the paper around the clothes and then looking at those with a sense of apprehension.

He had been foolish to buy these, they meant a type of finality, that Hyde was to remain, to exist as his own identity. Henry sighed, "Hyde is no more than I will let him be. He is, myself, but he must be someone else." The words reassured the doctor and he turned to the desk where a small rack of test tubes were sitting.

[caycancan]

The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde (title courtesy of Robert Louis Stevenson)

6/14/2017

Over the past five years as I have half-consciously wended my way to this semi-retirement state, I have been thinking a lot about how I spend my spare time.  Such spare time used to mean any block of time that I was not working or sleeping or eating.  Like so many people I know, I tend to book up my spare time with an endless list of chores and commitments and activities. On the one hand, I blame my mother.  She was famous for saying ‘You must have Things to Do” when she found us sitting in front of the TV on a sunny spring day. She would tell us to go find something to do outdoors. On the other hand, I do travel in circles of like-minded folks who feel a moral obligation to use all their time well. Maybe it’s an American middle-class thing?  I even know folks who coyly display pride in the fact that they have virtually no down time. Not only that, our culture equates success to some extent with a heavy non-stop schedule. We see executives and even our president winging from one meeting to another, one state to another, one event to another and so on, endlessly and what looks to be seamlessly.  We should all have such bottomless wells of energy and drive?  Too, with things like Facebook and stories told through product commercials, our culture makes us feel that we are missing out on something if we are not busy, busy, busy.  If I am idle, it tends to make me restless. It’s not that I don’t spend my fair share of time in front of the TV, but I always have my list of chores nagging at me.

I also blame myself for becoming a professional planner. Planning has become like breathing. I never not do it. Not only do I know what I am doing tomorrow and next week, but I pretty much always have my schedule for the coming year laid out. I keep a log book of tasks and agendas.  I am the family travel planner.  I am the family holiday planner.  I am the family appointment book.  It finally caught up with me about 3 years ago.  I was feeling more than a bit resentful and put upon. Why did everyone always ask me what was happening that weekend.  It was simply easier than figuring it out themselves.  My solution was to take one weekend day every week and have no plans. I would just see what the day would bring.  If someone asked me what was on tap for Saturday, I could gleefully say, I have no idea. Of course, I had to plan to do this, but it was a matter of breaking old habits that were no longer serving me so well.  I didn’t always succeed, but it felt good when I did.

So, coming back to looking at all the so-called free-time I would have during my retirement, I had to ask myself, how did I really want to spend it.  Should I continue to chase a mosaic of volunteer work and family time and travelling. How much unplanned time would that leave? Then, there was all that time I used to spend working.  What would fill all that work and spare time and fulfill me at the same time. The answer began to come to me in three pieces.

First, in the course of looking at options for a new lighting fixture for my dining room, my husband and I wandered into a place that custom makes stained glass fixtures. They were wildly out of our price range. My husband observed, however, that they offered classes and maybe I could learn to make one. Well, 5 years later I am still making stained glass projects and I understand deeply why a stained-glass dining room fixture would cost thousands of dollars and why it is unlikely I will ever make one. I really surprised myself, though.  I would describe my fine motor coordination as adequate at best. Ok – I am known to be a bit of a klutz. I never expected to get so much pleasure from losing myself in small piecework projects and doing it well.

Next, I e-published my second novel (shameless plug here: Neanderthal Man on Amazon Books under Cay Gould). Third, I went to the Native American Museum in Washington DC and saw the works of Kay Walkingstick.  I was so struck by the power of her paintings that I went out into the hall and said, out loud, “God, would I love to be able to create something like that.”  I promptly came home and found myself a wonderful mentor who is helping me learn to paint.  So, piece by piece, I recognized that I want to spend a good chunk of my ‘free’ retirement time stoking the creative spirit in me.

If I can wax philosophical about this for a moment, this was a huge Ah Ha for me.  We are told we have two sides to our brain. As they said in the Daily Mail just recently, “It’s a long-held belief that people are either right-brained or left-brained and in turn either creative or logical. But the theory that our brain has a dominant side that governs out traits – what we are interested in, what our skills tend to be - is nonsense, according to new research.”  My own experience leads me to agree.  We all have both a creative side and a so-called logical side. The way they manifest themselves is as individual as we are, but both coexist. We can drive which one we foster, if we are self-aware and have a passion to do so. We can also switch gears and change which side we foster at any point in time; perhaps especially as we get older.  Because I am a professional planner, but have also always tinkered with writing and tried my hand at varied arts from time to time, some might say both sides were always evident in me.  I don’t think so. I was just too stubborn to let one of them be totally submerged. I am greedy I suppose – I wanted to do and be all, endlessly. I do not believe I have a uniquely balanced brain. Anyone can do as I have and nurture whichever brain-side they choose at different points in their lives and see some level of result. I don’t ever expect to be as accomplished as Kay Walkingstick or to become Maya Angelou. That’s not my goal. I simply want to feed that part of my soul that wants to create. I want to share what I create with others. Someone else might do this by cooking or knitting or gardening or raising goats and making soap, or any myriad of other activities. To do this, I believe, one starts by deliberately not following instructions; not entirely that is.  It’s about giving yourself permission to say “hmmm, what if I do this instead” and letting your spirit be your guide. Whatever the outcome, it’s ok.  It’s not anybody else’s vision of a thing. It’ just yours.

So, I have been gradually cleaning and shuffling my home office these past months.  Suddenly one day it looked more like an art studio than a professional office space.  I am letting both my Dr. Jekyll and my Mr. Hyde have room to blossom there. Maybe this is what Dr. Jekyll thought he would create by finding the Mr. Hyde in himself. No violent endings here though, except perhaps in my novel; just Jekyll and Hyde co-existing and sometimes bickering over who’s up next.

Next time, a bit more on this theme: Portrait of the Artist as an Old Man

[strategiestoryadaptationhd]

Dr.Jekyll and Mr.Hyde Conclusion

Overall I found the story quite confusing and hard to keep up with. Whilst  Stevenson had a fantastic ability to describe the settings of each chapter I don’t feel he wrote in as much detail about the characters, making it very hard to actually know what was happening in the story so therefore I had to rely on sparknotes to actually tell me what had happened. 

However I understand the overall and basic’s of the story- Jekyll was also Hyde, Utterson and Enfield were deluded in thinking that anything of this sort of nature could exist in London and Lanyon was the only person who knew of the truth.  Good vs. evil is basically the novel’s biggest theme. More specifically, Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde is easily viewed as an allegory about the good and evil that exist in all men, and about our struggle with these two sides of the human personality.

There were also a lot of themes I took from Jekyll and Hyde but these ones were the ones that stood out to me the most:

reputation in society: 

I feel that this was strong in the whole story. Mr Utterson’s hesitance in actually solving the case as he couldn’t even imagine that such murders and crimes could exist in London, that there is a ‘respectable London’ and a dark side of London- showing the huge gap between the rich and the poor. 

For the characters in Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, preserving one’s reputation emerges as all important. The prevalence of this value system is evident in the way that upright men such as Utterson and Enfield avoid gossip at all costs; they see gossip as a great destroyer of reputation. Similarly, when Utterson suspects Jekyll first of being blackmailed and then of sheltering Hyde from the police, he does not make his suspicions known; part of being Jekyll’s good friend is a willingness to keep his secrets and not ruin his respectability. The importance of reputation in the novel also reflects the importance of appearances, facades, and surfaces, which often hide a sordid underside. In many instances in the novel, Utterson, true to his Victorian society, adamantly wishes not only to preserve Jekyll’s reputation but also to preserve the appearance of order and decorum, even as he senses a vile truth lurking underneath

Supernatural: 

Throughout the story the murders and Hyde were all described as supernatural. The way that Stevenson portrays Jekyll and Hyde also makes it seem very supernatural and also the scenery around parts where Hyde is present seem supernatural also such as when he meets and kills a woman in the middle of night. 

Avoidance

This was definitely something I felt was very present as in every part where Utterson is close to solving that Jekyll is Hyde he simply turns away and avoids the truth as well as mentioned above, accepting that there is a dark underbelly to London and its not all what it seems... 

THE DUALITY OF HUMAN NATURE

Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde centers upon a conception of humanity as dual in nature, although the theme does not emerge fully until the last chapter, when the complete story of the Jekyll-Hyde relationship is revealed. Therefore, we confront the theory of a dual human nature explicitly only after having witnessed all of the events of the novel, including Hyde’s crimes and his ultimate eclipsing of Jekyll. The text not only posits the duality of human nature as its central theme but forces us to ponder the properties of this duality and to consider each of the novel’s episodes as we weigh various theories.

SILENCE

Repeatedly in the novel, characters fail or refuse to articulate themselves. Either they seem unable to describe a horrifying perception, such as the physical characteristics of Hyde, or they deliberately abort or avoid certain conversations. Enfield and Utterson cut off their discussion of Hyde in the first chapter out of a distaste for gossip; Utterson refuses to share his suspicions about Jekyll throughout his investigation of his client’s predicament. Moreover, neither Jekyll in his final confession nor the third-person narrator in the rest of the novel ever provides any details of Hyde’s sordid behavior and secret vices. It is unclear whether these narrative silences owe to a failure of language or a refusal to use it.

HYDE’S PHYSICAL APPEARANCE

According to the indefinite remarks made by his overwhelmed observers, Hyde appears repulsively ugly and deformed, small, shrunken, and hairy. His physical ugliness and deformity symbolizes his moral hideousness and warped ethics. Indeed, for the audience of Stevenson’s time, the connection between such ugliness and Hyde’s wickedness might have been seen as more than symbolic. Many people believed in the science of physiognomy, which held that one could identify a criminal by physical appearance. Additionally, Hyde’s small stature may represent the fact that, as Jekyll’s dark side, he has been repressed for years, prevented from growing and flourishing. His hairiness may indicate that he is not so much an evil side of Jekyll as the embodiment of Jekyll’s instincts, the animalistic core beneath Jekyll’s polished exterior.

JEKYLL’S HOUSE AND LABORATORY

Dr. Jekyll lives in a well-appointed home, characterized by Stevenson as having “a great air of wealth and comfort.” His laboratory is described as “a certain sinister block of building … [which] bore in every feature the marks of profound and sordid negligence.” With its decaying facade and air of neglect, the laboratory quite neatly symbolizes the corrupt and perverse Hyde. Correspondingly, the respectable, prosperous-looking main house symbolizes the respectable, upright Jekyll. Moreover, the connection between the buildings similarly corresponds to the connection between the personas they represent. The buildings are adjoined but look out on two different streets. Because of the convoluted layout of the streets in the area, the casual observer cannot detect that the structures are two parts of a whole, just as he or she would be unable to detect the relationship between Jekyll and Hyde.

The main part of Jekyll and Hyde that I actually really did enjoy was listening and reading the descriptions of the sceneries as they were very detailed so I could easily visualise where certain actions were taking place. In some of the examples of my conclusion above, there are some quotes there that I really like such as “a certain sinister block of building... (which) bore in every feature the marks of profound and sordid neligence”. Its very descriptive and well written so is very easy to visualise.