#and I don't think we should take the pain of strangers so lightly for our own entertainment
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llycaons · 2 years ago
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you know I don't think some things should be posted on here
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rozecrest · 6 months ago
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i played slay the princess for the first time yesterday! it was really cool!! i have covid so i was like i need to make this day memorable for a different reason and distract myself so i'll finally play this game (similar reason i started reading dunmeshi -- but that was just a scare)... gonna talk about my full run under da cut this post got long. spoilers, of course
okay so i knew a little about this game in that i saw a few screenshots of the princess looking Different so i knew she changed but i didn't know anything about then narrator or the voices or the vessel (that's what i took to calling our handsful growing god we brought gifts to. i think it's a fitting name thematically if technically incorrect) or the looping game mechanics which i'm glad of!
run-through of the main actions i took
first loop: questioned the narrator intensely, did not take the knife, chose to keep course of saving the princess after she lightly threatened me for dithering about it, the narrator took control of my body and i warned and resisted until she killed me. i meet the damsel and the voice of the smitten, argued with the narrator, slipped the princess' hand from her chain and asked her what she wanted over and over until her drawing simplified enough that it seemed painful so i let it go, we left together and she was taken... and i met the vessel for the first time
second loop: i shirk the call and refuse to go to the cabin just to see what will happen. there are infinite fractal cabin. the world ends. the stranger begins! i meet the voice of the contrarian and take the harsh stairs and have the worst icy trip of my life. i talk to the stranger until she shatters and shatters and shatters and i have no choice but to slay her/save her/every option until she combines into a three-bodies-joined princess, and the vessel takes her
vessel interlude of note: speaking to Her this time i felt confident that i ccould kind of do whatever and not ruin things, and find my way back to Her. i decided to choose to slay the princess. i wanted to see what would happen
third loop: the princess is quite rude this time, which makes the choice easier. i play at deciding whether i should rescue her for a bit, and the strike. we fight. we both die. do you really think this is the end? i wake up and meet the adversary. don't take the blade and i refuse to fight. it causes her agony. she kills me. she becomes the fury. i believe i gshe kills me awfully and says it will be forever. the vessel takes her anyway
having the time of my life on priv btw
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fourth loop: i speak to her for a while, and am unsure what path to take, so i leave, and push the table up against the door, and go to sleep. the princess comes to me anyway. i die of fright. she says she will not forget. i wake up to the nightmare. i believe this is where i meet my favorite voice, the voice of the paranoid (the voice of the hero is narrowly second to him in my ranking). absolutely love him chanting your organs into function, it creates such a good rhythm and tension to the moments. the nightmare and i get all the way to the cabin door and i kill her. on impulse, and because it felt like at the time that violence had been my least utilized path. she takes me with her. i am falling, falling, falling. i choose to throw away the knife. i die terribly.
i reach a third chapter for the first time! the wraith :)
i love how fucked up the road looks. and this is maybe my favorire cabin entrance..
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she breaks my ankle, i let her possess me, she walks me out to her freedom, she is taken.
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fifth loop: i don't remember how, but i reach chapter two: the witch. (on second thought: i think i had an almost identical run to the very first meeting. i am taken over again, but i cannot resist. i am killed) my utena senses immediately start tingling even harder, and this was correct to happen. and for the life of me, i cannot remember what i did here! and don't feel like checking history.. i think i gave her the knife? because in the next chapter, the thorn, she already has it. and i did not kill her.
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i made her trust me, and i did not break it. as a lesbian, this chapter was emotionally manipulative. of course i was going to save her. of course i wanted her to trust me, and keep it. her being taken made me terribly terribly sad, she was ready for a future, gone now.
i went to the mirror. the narrator took me instead. i've grown to resent him by now, how he spins the princess and the player against each other over and over, encouraging my worst violences. i had told the vessel once that when i found him i would kill him. my desperate want for answers got in the way. and he was dying anyway. i asked them until he was ready to shatter on his own. i told him the truth: that i was still deciding what to do, and i wanted a hand in that choice to be hers.
endgame! fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i rejected godhood. i spoke to all the gifts i had given, which was really cool and affecting, loved that. i found the hero, and we went to her heart.
i was VERY indecisive. i wasn't sure what could get me what i wanted, which was of course a breaking of the cycle, a forging of something new, walking to the outside world lesbianly etc etc. on my first go of the cabin at the heart of the princess, i took the knife. i chose to because i felt more often than not i had chosen not to take it. i felt validated when the hero said it was wise, that it tended to give us more options than it didn't. considering who he was, i shouldn't have listened LOL
first: i chose to kill her. i hated the choice, but i wanted to see what would happen. i became a god and saved the nameless world and broke from the constructs. my voices came back, pissed, and decided to beat me with hammers forever, lol
i reloaded a save for a very first time. second: i chose her option. i was on a path to the cabin in the woods. i had a job to do. credits roll. MISERABLE ! deeply fun that it's an option, but miserable.
i mulled on what i could do to change things for a bit. i had been saving often throughout, at places of interest or nexuses of change, so i had plenty of options. it came to me like a bolt. of course! don't take the knife!
third: we left together. utena ass ending. we can always build new roads ! i am sentimental and was deeply invested in the princess' freedom and happiness and possibility fo life outside this violent cycle we were bound in, so i was happy to tell her i loved her, open the door together, and leave, close the game, and let that world be final. for now :)
last thoughts: i really enjoyed that. i'm always saying i need to play more visual novels and i really really do they rule they rule! the art in this was so cool! the voices were so creative! i liked the writing style a bunch! i loved how settings shifted. i loved how branching it felt, like there was always something new to try. always enjoy when a game just closes on you and greets you again when you open in like the vessel did that one time. good game !
things i want to go back in my saves and try at some point
becoming Gods and letting the world fall away with her
breaking the narrator before He can die on his own
breaking my body in a meeting with the vessel
killing the vessel before She has collected enough selves
and also trying to find more of the princesses i missed!
scrolling through achievements i didn't get also (i got 24/97) and i saw you can kiss her. i bet its fucked up. i would like to see it
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vulpesmorgana · 1 year ago
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Farewell, my detective. (Nº 1)
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"Who are you?" I face the mirror again. I do that every time I wake up and everytime I come back from work. It looks like a existential question, right? Well, in my case is more literal than that.
I don't know exactly how to tell you my story, precisely because I don't know much either. But it all started in an alley a year ago. That's when I met Morgana.
-Wake up, handsome. -I listened as I tried to open my eyes with difficulty, they seemed glued, but they were in fact swollen and when I became aware of that I felt pain, not just in them, but in my whole body. I turned sideways squirming a little as I realized I was sitting in a narrow alley. -What happened to you? - The voice continued and I finally looked at who was speaking so calmly. She was a fox, wearing a long brown coat and gloves, practically only her face was uncovered, and it was a beautiful face. - Can you talk? What is your name?
I could understand her, I knew that meant I was probably from there, but at the moment I didn't know anything else. And a wave of sadness washed over me when she asked my name.
-I don't know. - I said heavily. -Wow, you were beaten badly even if you can't even remember your own name. - She teased lightly. - Think you can walk? To tell you the truth, I don't know exactly what to do to help you, but I think alcohol could ease the pain a little. If you can walk, I'll buy you a drink, I was just going to the bar anyway.
I got to my feet with some difficulty. I felt the fabric over my body. It was a navy blue suit all smeared with blood and dust.
-I think I can walk. -Great, you won't need to try so hard, the pub is right over there. Let me just fix you up a little bit. -She passed a delicate tissue over my face cleaning a little dirt and blood while she patted to unwrinkle my clothes.
We walked to a bar called Fairy Wings, it had a big neon green sign on the front it was of a fairy hugging a bottle of absinthe. There became our meeting place and marked the beginning of our friendship.
-Thanks for your help. - I said after we settled inside. -Sorry for not saying my name, I really have no idea what it is, nor who I am. What is yours? -You don't need to thank me, I don't even know what I'm doing. - She laughed. Morgana was never sad, it was her biggest trait. - My name is Morgana. -It's a very nice name, it sounds like an ax swinging. -What? You're funny, I've never heard that before. But, I liked! I think it suits me. -Why did you help me, Morgana? Don't get me wrong, but a woman stopping in a deserted alley to help a stranger completely beaten up is not a common thing. -No need to worry about it, I have a sixth sense, or you could call it a sixth snout. I stopped in front of the alley entrance by chance to light a cigarette and saw your feet hidden behind the dumpster. I simply knew that you weren't a bad person, that's why I woke you up, if it was anyone else, I would have probably just ignored. But I felt like I should give you a paw. -It would be nice if your sixth sense told me who I am. I have no idea why I took a beating. - I don't know if it was because of the alcohol, but I felt that my head was coming together a little. - But maybe I have something on me. - I started groping my suit. -Oh true! I hadn't even thought about looking at your things, I didn't want you to wake up and think I was a thief.- While she was talking I felt something inside the coat, I looked for a pocket, but I didn't find it, it seemed to be sewn inside the suit, the fabric was so thick and heavy that it didn't impress me I didn't feel it was there as soon as I woke up. -There's something here, but I can't find it, it looks like it's sewn into it. -Oh, I have a pocket knife in my bag, we can use it. Take off your coat and let's see if there's anything else hidden inside it.
I handed her the suit, she started feeling the place she had pointed.
-You know I've never seen a suit like that before, so thick. It looks like it was really made to hide things. Funny how it looks ordinary when you look at it.
She opened the switchblade and began to drill near the area, opening a hole.
-Ohhhh this looks like a card. - She removed something small from the suit. "Robert O."?- She handed me the card, it was laminated paper, there was nothing but "Robert O." in it. -Written by hand… Do you have a pen? -No, but I have an eye pencil, it should do. Here. I wrote the name on a napkin to verify if it was my writing. -It doesn't look like it's yours. - She came close to analyze.- Someone wrote to you. She picked up the suit and groped again, stopping at the collar. - Looks like there's something else here too. - Morgana made another hole with the knife. - Ohh that looks like a locket. -She gave it to me. I felt sick just looking at it, I didn't understand why that small thing made me feel like I was smaller than it. But it made my whole body shiver like I was going to see something terrible. And indeed, I did see something that haunts my nightmares to this day.
I took a deep breath before opening it, it wasn't like a plague of Egypt was going to come out of there, or would it? It may not have been a curse for the world, but it was one for me, what I felt almost drove me crazy, the pain was excruciating and desperate. For a moment time stood still. It didn't make any sense, but there I was crying over a picture of a woman I had no idea who was. She looked like an angel, it was a picture of her face and torso, a white fox, with a white lace outfit in a refined posture, she had a serene expression on her face. I only came to my senses when Morgana shook me by the arms, and then I realized we were in front of the bar.
-Are you well? Who is the woman in the locket? -I don't know, but looking at her made me extremely sad and I have no idea why. -You left desperate, it looked like you couldn't breathe. I thought you were going to pass out or worse. -Sorry about that. -Whatever happened seems best left unknown for the moment. At least until you stabilize. Let's go inside.
We sat at the counter. Morgana ordered two shots of whiskey. -Robert is a good name. - She said. -Does it make you feel anything like what you said about mine? -It sounds like the noise of stepping on dry leaves. -You are really funny, Robert. -Robert. - I repeated getting used to the name. It didn't cause me any negative feelings. -I bet you have no idea what to do after tonight, do you? -No… I hadn't even thought about tomorrow, but now that you told me I'm worried. -Oh, you don't have to be. You can sleep in my apartment, I have a spare room. In fact, I even have a job for you, if you want it. -Really? What kind of job? -Robert, I'll be honest with you. My work is not ordinary, it's a work that I do for people with ordinary jobs. Part of the reason I think you're a good person is because I also felt like you wouldn't judge me for that. -What is it? -I'm a dominatrix. -Okay, that's not something you hear every day, but I don't think I have a problem with that. - I took a sip. -Great! I need a "slave". - I choked a little while she said. - Oh no, no, that's not exactly what you're thinking, I need a security guard to accompany me. Not because I'm weak or anything like that, but two colleagues in my profession had problems with people who pretended to be clients, but they were psychopaths, so I want to make sure I don't have this disturbance and you seem strong enough to handle that kind of thing. -Are your colleagues okay? -They are, it was just a scare, a very serious scare for both of them, but they solved it. Only we don't have time to get hurt with maniacs. We are the ones who hurt, you know? There's no reason for us to show up to our subs with bruises and cuts on our bodies, we are untouchable goddesses between four walls. So for this a "slave", an escort, the only thing different is you would have to dress more daringly as my decoration. -Hmm I don't think I have a problem with this, as long as I don't have to participate.- I thought to myself that I shouldn't turn down a job that appears so suddenly, mainly because I had no idea what I could do either. -Ahh this way you make me very happy. Look, it doesn't have to be something permanent, okay? When you're better set up you can look for another job if it's better for you. -But who would take care of you then? -Oh how sweet, don't worry, I was already thinking about looking for a bdsm escort, and if you leave I'll hire one. But fate put you in my way so I don't see why not give you a paw. -I really appreciate Morgana, I'll try my best to be your "slave".- We laughed and continued drinking late into the Fairy Wings.
This is the beginning of my story, a little funny, isn't it? From a dominatrix's escort to a detective. If we think about it, they are similar professions in some ways, being a dominatrix requires discretion with the identity of your clients and being a detective requires discretion in the conduct of work, the two separate when the detective comes out of the shadows to throw the facts to light, while a dominatrix would be the very center of light for her client. But what do I know? Nothing funnier than a detective with no memory. And soon we'll get to the story of how I became one.
Farewell, reader.
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madrone33 · 2 months ago
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Ok so. I have no excuse for taking so long. But! The good news is I FINALLY hunkered down and finished the Odyssey in one night :D
It was long! And fun! It was much more political scheming than I thought it'd be lol
Anyway here's some highlights and musings from my midnight readings, much longer than my others 'cause it's like 12 books at once:
The Phaeacians after reaching Ithaca and neatly dropping both a sleeping Odysseus and his vast loot on the sand: peace out, bro.
Aww man why'd you have to do the Phaeacians like that, Poseidon?
Odysseus, hearing that he's FINALLY made it home, tears in his eyes: proceeds to elaborately lie.
Odysseus: has trust issues from trauma.
Athena: awww, see this is why I like you!
Odysseus, hearing his son is in Sparta: you let my son sail? over the sea that took 10 years of my life??
Odysseus, professional liar, hearing that people lied to his wife about him: liars? I HATE liars >:( I would never lie.
Also Odysseus: lies about his life story again, multiple times.
LMAO Athena tells Telemachus he's gotta go, and he immediately kicks Pisistratus in the ribs to wake him up XD
Telemachus: hey so can I maybe not say hi to your dad again? He's like those old grandparents who never let you go without telling a thousand stories.
Pisistratus, after thinking for one second: I gotchu homie.
Odysseus might be projecting juuust a little when Eumaeus greets Telemachus
Athena makes Odysseus taller, again XD
FATHER AND SON REUNION!!
Tele: uh dad? Surely you're not suggesting we fight 108 men on our own?? Please tell me we have backup.
Ody: how's Athena and Zeus sound as backup?
Tele: ... yeah ok fine.
No!! Argos :(
Lol. Odysseus and Athena both: test the suitors to find the innocent from guilty! (Inwardly: yeah they're all gonna die)
Telemachus when Eumaeus insults Antinous to defend Ody: whoa whoa. No need to speak to Antinous like that, my friend... Allow me >:D
Antinous: throws a stool at Odysseus.
Odysseus, Telemachus, and Penelope: so you have chosen death
Lol the sneeze :D
Ah yes, Homer can't help but mention Odysseus' fine thighs XD
Odysseus, deeply torn between flat out killing this guy with one blow or just "lightly jabbing" him uncontiously. Decisions, decisions...
Odysseus @ Amphinomus: hey. You seem nice. Don't come to school tomorrow
Athena just loves making her mortals taller and more beautiful, huh XD
Penelope after Athena made her take a nap: ah, what a gentle sleep. If only Artemis would kill me :D
Penelope, Telemachus, and basically all of the palace staff at any and all opportunities: mayhaps? death? to all the suitors? 👀
Awww, Odysseus told her to watch over his parents, and that she should re-marry if he wasn't back before Telemachus became an adult 🥺
Penelope, swindling the suitors out of their money: shame on you, for not lavishing me with gifts to seduce me!
Odysseus: hell yes that's my wife <3
A second stool has been thrown. This one was dodged. RIP the wine-steward
Odysseus really can't help showering Penelope with compliments, comparing her to the gods, and a king
Poor Penelope :( Let her not-make her shroud in peace
Wine dark sea mention :D
Odysseus, once again lying about his life story, this time to his WIFE. Smh
Penelope calling the city of Troy "Destroy" with such spite is amazing.
Penelope and Euryclea: stranger, you remind me so much of Odysseus. You're just... really alike for some reason.
Odysseus: haha yeah weird coincidence, right?
Autolycus: ah yes, I shall name my grandson "he who causes pain" ✨
Penelope @ the man that is totally not Odysseus: hey, unrelated to anything at all, I had a dream where my husband returned and killed all my suitors. How WEIRD, right? If ONLY it would come true!
"Nobody but your cunning pulled you through the monster's cave you thought would be your death." Nobody. Ha!
"deep in his heart it seemed she stood beside him, knew him, now, at last..." 🥺💙
Now an oxhoof has been thrown at him?? Athena, why
Wow, Telemachus is almost as good a liar as his dad!
Ooh Telemachus almost strung it!!
Odysseus has the bow. Ayyyy you're all fucked now >:D
LMAO did Athena just fly up into the rafters while still looking like Mentor? XD
Odysseus: I'm cleaning house
He's playing a wedding song! As Odysseus and Penelope reunite!! <3
Athena made him taller again XD
Strange woman! Strange man! 🥰
Odysseus: exCUSE ME? You moved our BED? How did you move our bed?? It's a TREE for gods sake! I carved it with my own two hands! What did you DO to our BED-
ATHENA! HOLDS BACK THE LITERAL DAWN!! She's their #1 shipper fr <3
Brief interlude in the Underworld: Achilles' and Patroclus' bones are in the same urn... and they were urn-mates
Amphimedon: and that's how Odysseus killed me-
Agamemnon: Ah classic Odysseus. And what a great wife he has! So loyal. Unlike MY WIFE-
Odysseus, torn between revealing himself and happily reuniting with his aged father, or testing whether he recognises him: time to lie about my life story again!
Not every one of Odysseus' family at some point wondering if he was just a dream 🥺😭
His fake name is "Man of Strife" this time. I see you, Odysseus...
Odysseus for the first time drops the act in favour of comforting a crying family member. Character development /j
There Athena goes again, this time making Laertes taller XD
Lol, Athena stepping in (STILL looking like Mentor XD) to force a peace. Didn't realise it ended on this note, but cool
I finally started reading the Odyssey!!
Got up to book 5. And I mean, I've seen the jokes, but I never realised just how many times it says some variation of "rosy fingered dawn." 😂
Also, Athena pretending to be a mortal and then leaving by just- becoming a bird and flying away will never not be funny.
Looking forward to finally getting to Odysseus' part :D
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mimisempai · 2 years ago
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In my dreams I hear your call
Summary
Hearing Hob calling him in his sleep, Dream discovers what his lover is dreaming about and experience the incredible feeling of knowing that even in his dreams Hob will do everything to protect him.
Notes
My own attempt at a story where Hob saves Dream (sort of)
Prompt #3 -  “I will protect you with my life.”
For @hotcocoabuns
On AO3
Rating T - 1425 words
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"No... not my stranger... I have to... save him."
Dream looked down from his book to watch Hob.
They were in the living room and his lover was taking a nap, lying down with his head resting on his lap while Dream read.
"He must not be in pain..."
Dream gently ran his hand through Hob's hair and called him softly, "Hob..."
But his lover didn't wake up and whispered, "We must meet... I have so much to tell him..."
Dream couldn't help but want to know the dream that was disturbing Hob and closing his eyes, he probed his mind.
Hob was running through the corridors of an old mansion and muttered to himself, "Where is he... I must find him... my stranger."
A servant stepped in front of him, "Sir you have nothing to do here." He was about to grab his arm but Hob avoided him and with a deft move quickly overpowered him. He tackled him to the ground, pressed his foot against his throat and demanded in an implacable voice, "There is someone being held against his will here, if you don't want that sip of air to be the last one you breathe, then you will tell me where he is!"
He pressed his toe lightly against the throat of the man on the ground to emphasize his point. The servant waved his hands and Hob lifted his foot.
"He... he's... in the cellar... over there..." The man showed the hallway to the left before continuing, "but..."
However, Hob did not wait for the end of the sentence and started running again, he found the stairs leading to the cellar.
"This is my friend, Paul."
"Paul, this is our unwilling guest."
Hob stopped and hid in the doorway.
"I sent the guards away to show you my good faith."
Hob leaned over a bit to try to get a view of the situation and had trouble holding back his gasp of shock.
His stranger was in a glass prison, naked and helpless.
Outside the prison were two men standing side by side.
The younger man resumed, "Look, we've been talking, Paul and I, and if I let you out, will you promise not to harm us?"
His stranger remained stoic and did not say a word.
The man insisted, "If you could just speak to us." Then after another moment of silence turned to his companion, "You see, I told you."
The other man, Paul, walked over to him and put his hand on his shoulder, "I'm telling you, you have to keep trying. Show him that he can trust you. Show him that you mean it."
Then the one who had spoken first turned to the prisoner and said softly, "I do mean it. Just promise that you won't harm me or Paul, and I will let you out."
But his stranger did not respond or react.
Then Paul took his companion's hand and said, "Come on, dear, there's no use in insisting."
They walked to the door and Hob hid soundlessly in the doorway behind a curtain. He heard them whispering.
"Alex, I think you should let him go."
The other man replied softly, shaking his head, "I'm sorry, I can't. I can't risk him hurting you."
Paul stopped him and resting his forehead against Alex's retorted, "I'm sure he won't."
Alex kissed him gently and shaking his head again, he pulled Paul behind him, he said, "Even if all we have to do is break the seal on the floor to give him back his powers, I can't take that risk."
Hob waited until the two men had moved away and silently rushed into the room.
He approached the glass prison and whispered, "My stranger."
The prisoner opened his eyes and for the first time since he had been there, Hob saw the stranger's stoic expression fracture and his eyes fill with emotion as he whispered in an incredulous voice, "Hob Gadling?"
Hob nodded and said, "Yes... yes it is me."
He looked around in panic and whispered, "Break the seal... Break the seal."
The stranger said to him, "On the ground, those golden marks, if you break it at any point, I will get my powers back and you will be able to break the glass."
Hob looked at the ground and immediately saw the seal that surrounded the glass prison. He brushed it with his foot several times to break the seal and then looked around to find something that would allow him to shatter the glass.
He picked up a chair that seemed solid, but as he lifted it, he stopped suddenly and exclaimed, "Wait, I can't do this! You'll get hurt by the shards of glass."
The stranger smiled for the first time and said softly, "No, I will be able to protect myself."
"O-okay... I'll do it then."
Hob then raised the chair and slammed it against the glass, which gave way easily to his surprise. His gaze immediately went to the stranger and he saw with relief that he was indeed safe and sound.
Using his improvised tool, he finished breaking the glass to make a large enough opening.
He looked around for something to clear the shards from the floor, when the stranger raised his hand and blew sand from his hand in front of him causing all the shards to turn into grains of sand.
Hob muttered, a half smile on his face, "Really handy gift."
But he immediately lost his smile because the stranger had just collapsed to the ground.
Hob rushed to him and knelt down in front of him.
"Hey, stranger! Don't leave me! Not now."
The stranger whispered, "I'm not going to die, I'm just too weak, I..."
Hob, took off his coat and covered the stranger's shoulders with it, then unable to resist the protective instinct that overwhelmed him, he wrapped his arms around him and whispered, "It's okay now. I'm here. I'll protect you."
Dream came back to reality, and to say he was stunned would be an understatement.
It was so strange, the way Hob's dream was close to reality. But also logical since Dream had told him everything. However, what overwhelmed Dream the most was the role that Hob played.
God knows Dream knew the power of dreams, but the saving power that one dream could have on him?
The dream of a man who lay in his lap and whose expression had relaxed again because he had saved him.
A man who loved him so much that even in his dreams he would save him. 
"Dream?"
Lost in thought, the Lord of Dreams hadn't seen that his lover had awakened. Hob had his head turned towards him and asked in a worried tone, "Is everything okay?"
Dream smiled softly and pushing a lock of Hob's hair back behind his ear he replied, "Yes, yes of course. Why?"
Hob shook his head, "N-nothing, I just had a bad dream."
Dream asked, "Bad, bad?"
"No, bad that ends well."
Dream leaned over and kissed him gently before saying, "My hero."
Hob widened his eyes and exclaimed, "Don't tell me that..."
Dream replied, not at all ashamed, "You were talking about me, well... your stranger in your sleep, so I couldn't help myself."
Hob, a little embarrassed, wanted to cover his eyes with his arm, but Dream wouldn't let him and asked softly, "Do you dream about this often?"
Hob nodded and replied, "You wouldn't believe how many scenarios I've already dreamed of that would allow me to save you."
Dream didn't answer and just looked at him, silently. 
Hob, confused, raised his hand, put it on Dream's cheek and asked, "Hey, Dream, what's wrong?"
Dream leaned his cheek into Hob's hand and replied, "Nothing, nothing. I'm just surprised I guess."
Hob smiled and said in a firm voice, "I will protect you with my life, you know that? And if unfortunately, I can't do it where you're going, I'll always do it at least in my dreams. In my dreams you will always be safe.
Dream leaned in and whispered against his lips, "Which means you're my safe place?"
Hob smiled and replied, "Always."
He closed the distance between them and kissed him tenderly, projecting into Dream's mind the image of Hob covering his shoulders with his coat and wrapping his arms around him, whispering over and over, "I will protect you. You are safe with me."
As his lover tightened his arms around him, Dream felt protected like never before.
_________
Still not beta'd
Still not my native language
Still hoping you'll enjoy this story  🥰
Still thanking you for bearing with me 😝
Dreamling Masterlist here
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real-levyanno · 3 years ago
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FARMER READER X HUMAN MORRO
Pronouns: He/Him
Audience: Safe
Relationship: Platonic or Romantic
When the ghostly figure had first woken up, he noticed one thing straight away. He wasn't a ghost at all. Looking upwards to the sky, he felt raindrops hit his skin but there was no pain.
"Hey there, stranger. Why are you in the middle of an empty field?" He heard a voice call out. He turned and was met with a horse's face. "Don't mind [name], he's a nice fella." On the horse was a guy with [colour] hair and bright, big [colour] eyes like gemstones.
"Uh... Hi?" The guy chuckled at Morro's confusion and awkwardness. "Where am I?"
"Outside Ninjago City. The name's y/n."
"Oh, well, I'm M-" he stopped himself. Should he tell the guy his name? He didnt even know how he was alive, much less if the guy would trust him. "I'm not sure what my name is. I think it starts with an M."
"That's alright. Come on, hop up and I'll take you to my house." Y/n held his hand down to Morro who gladly took it. Lifting him up, y/n chuckled more. "You have grass in your hair."
Morro blushed faintly and pulled the blades of green out of his dark hair. "Thanks. So, why are you helping me?"
"Why not?" With a small 'yipp', [name] began walking across the field. "I mean,you don't look menacing. If you were even a bad guy, you'd already have me killed or whatever."
He smiled falsely and watched the sky. "Thanks, I guess. You don't look menacing either." Soon enough, [name] stopped in front of a small porch. Y/n jumped down and helped Morro off. The stallion left to the stables, having been riden bare-back.
"So, make yourself at home. I have some potato stew on the stove and it'll be ready soon. Mind if I call you M?"
Morro shook his head. "I dont mind but why did you go out?"
"Heard a crash and thought it was a tree falling on the trail again. Found you instead."
"So you left the stove on?"
"Perhaps." He chuckled at y/n. "Anyways, sit down and relax. I'll go get you a towel and a blanket. Hopefully I can find you something that fits."
"Oh, uh, you don't have to that. I can dry myself off with my wind." Without thinking beforehand, Morro had dried himself off using his element- something Sensei Wu had shown him as a kid. He sat down and looked around some more. "Nice place."
"Thanks, so, M, you like potato stew or have you never had it?"
"Ive had it... Just, it was out of the dumpster..." He muttered the last part but y/n still heard.
"At least youre having it fresh this time." Y/n chuckled and brought him a bowl and a glass of water. "I also have sweet or unsweet tea if you'd like."
"Why are you being so nice to me?"
"Well, why are you nice to me? If it's because I'm being nice to you then it's my same reasoning." Morro pouted a bit. He didn't know why he was being nice but it felt good. Y/n smirked.
"I'm not sure why I'm being nice to you. I guess because I feel like it?"
"Sure it is and not the fact that being nice feels right."
"Wh-"
"I know who you are, Morro." He widened his eyes. "The master of wind, always trying to be the best."
"H-how did you know me?"
"You forgot who i am, didn't you? Y/n L/n. Master of ___?"
"Y/n- i-i remember you b-but how?"
Y/n sighed lightly. "After you eat, you need to get some sleep. I'll be in the other room." He stood and left the room, a bit a disappointed with Morro not rememembering him.
Morro looked down at the bowl of stew before finishing it. He sighed and set it down on the table, laying down to sleep on the couch. He soon fell asleep.
Y/n came in after a a while and picked up the bowl and sighed. He kissed Morro's cheek, covering him with the blanket. "You're an idiot, always not thinking." He chuckled and took the bowl to the kitchen. "Maybe in the morning, you'll remember our promise we made as kids."
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youbloodymadgenius · 4 years ago
Text
Too Late (Ivar x reader)
A/N: This is my entry to @fuchsiagrasshopper's 200 Followers Writing Challenge. Congratulations again, love 💝
This is a variation on Ivar's death. Consider yourself warned. And... sorry 😔
The prompt, from the song Too Late, by Ashes Divides, is in bold and italics.
@zuxiezendler - Thank you for reassuring me (I needed it) and for beta reading this for me 🌺
Let me know if you want to be tagged 😊
Divider by @firefly-graphics
Summary: Ivar is about to go to war against Alfred. His eyes are very blue, though.
Warnings: major character death; mention of blood and fatal wound (nothing graphic).
Words: 1815
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When a hand lingers on his forehead, Ivar slowly opens his eyes before shifting in the makeshift bed and eventually sitting upright, allowing you to take a seat next to him. Looking at him with concern, you tilt your head to the side, one of your hands resting lightly on his chest while the other grazes his thigh.
Studying him, you bite your lower lip. "Your eyes have turned deep blue, Ivar. You know what that means, remember?" Ivar snorts and then rolls his eyes, visibly annoyed. You don't stop, though. "Hvitserk told me. Your brothers used to watch over you. They knew that when your eyes turned blue that you were in great danger of breaking your bones. And they would say 'Not today, Ivar. Not today.'"
Knitting his brow, your lover wearily rubs a filthy hand over his face, his eyes never leaving yours. "I remember." He finally nods, a half-smile curling his lips. "I know."
"You could let Hvitserk take command, Ivar. You'd stay behind, for once. I could even stay with you." You know you're walking on eggshells, but when Ivar answers, there's surprisingly no anger in his voice. Though the calm determination in his gaze tells you that arguing is pointless.
"No, Y/N." He shakes his head and grabs your hand, playing absently with your fingers. "No," he repeats, "Hvitserk must lead the back-up troops, it has to be someone I trust. As for you, I need you on the battlefield. You're our best shieldmaiden, and you know that. And...", he tilts his head, lightly shrugging, "I don't think we can defeat Alfred if I'm not there too... You know..." He taps his forehead with his pointer finger and you know exactly what he means. He's right. His men are fearsome warriors, but they sometimes – most of the time – need guidance when fighting, and who else could do that better than Ivar, with his cunning and extraordinary strategic mind?
No. He won't change his mind.
For the briefest moment, you think you should tell him. But no. It wouldn't change anything. You're not deluding yourself, he'd still go. And he'd demand that you stay behind. And that's not happening. It's an option you refuse to even consider. If he goes, you go. That's who you are. Both of you. A king – a warrior – and a shieldmaiden.
You'll tell him afterwards. Once it's all over. Once Alfred is defeated.
"Okay, then." Leaning in, you give him a peck on the lips before standing up. "Promise you'll be careful."
Flashing you a reassuring yet tired smile, he nods. "I always am."
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The battle rages for hours now and you know you should feel it in your bones. The pain. The exhaustion. But you don't. Unharmed and powerful, a shield in your left hand, it's like you're flying, dodging blow after blow, slicing throat after throat, driving your trustworthy sword into chests or guts, as you slash your way through the enemies. Exhilarated, you shout war cries and you know that if they are cathartic to you, they scare the Saxon soldiers. The thought makes you laugh – and indeed a crazy laugh escapes your throat as you run forward, swinging your blade from side to side, momentarily crouching down as an axe flies over your head.
Attacking a Saxon with your shield, you beat him savagely with repeated blows to his skull before skewering him with your sword. As he falls to the ground, already dead, you look up to the sky for a second, and silently thank the gods, a beaming smile adorning your face. You love that. You're never more alive than on the battlefield. As you lower your gaze, eager to slaughter more and more Christians, your eyes catch something on the left.
And it's like the world stops spinning.
Like your heart stops beating.
And you stop breathing.
Petrified, you can't comprehend what you're seeing. It doesn't make sense. It can't make sense. Why is this Saxon stabbing Ivar? How can it be? Why isn't your lover fighting back? Why is he bleeding? Your shield and sword slipping out of your hands, the ringing in your ears is suddenly deafening, and for a fleeting second, you think you might throw up. But you won't. Because that can't be real. You're hallucinating, for sure. It can't be happening. It doesn't make sense. It can't. It simply can't.
A sudden cry of pain and the distinctive and all too familiar sound of a broken bone snap you out of your stupor and you rush over to your lover – 'Not today, Ivar, not today, no' – dropping to the ground next to him, your hand grazing his cheek. As you see the state he's in – his left leg unnaturally bent at the knee with exposed bone; his stomach covered with blood – a shiver runs down your spine and you gasp, filled with horror. You want to cry, and scream, and shout but instead you inhale deeply, blinking several times before locking eyes with his bloodied ones. Your man needs you.
"I'm here, Ivar, I'm here." As you carefully place his head on your lap, his hand grabs your arm, squeezing it. His eyelids flutter as he tries to focus his gaze on you. Weakly raising his free hand, he fails to touch your face and something between a sob and a whine escapes his lips. Gently intertwining his fingers with yours, you can't help but repeat yourself. "I'm here, my love, I'm here."
A faint shake of his head and then he speaks, his voice hoarse and barely a whisper. "You... You should leave... Leave, Y/N.." He swallows painfully, and a sob chokes in your throat as you see blood running out of his mouth. You shake your head, not trusting your voice, but Ivar, your stubborn lover, keeps speaking, mustering all his strength. "Leave, my love, you're... not safe... here..." He then lets out a shuddering breath, loosening his grip on your arm.
Raising your head and looking around, you see that your fellow warriors are gone. Someone, Haakon probably – you always saw Ivar's second in command as a coward – must have sounded the retreat, now that their king is down. You don't have time to dwell on it though as you realize that the two of you are now surrounded by Saxon soldiers, their swords pointed at you. You coldly glare at them for a few brief seconds before meeting King Alfred's gaze. The Saxon commander seems shocked as he looks with wide open eyes at the man lying in front of you.
"Lower your weapons!" You barely hear Alfred's order, your mind taken with other thoughts, and you don't bother to see if his soldiers obey. The truth is, Alfred and his men are the least of your concerns right now. No matter what happens, no matter what they do, you're not going anywhere.
Once more, giving your undivided attention to your lover, you shake your head, speaking with conviction and determination. "I'm not leaving your side, my love."
Ivar frowns and winces. "I want you to... be safe..." He mutters with great effort, clearly in terrible pain. "It makes... no difference if... if you stay. I'm..." He squeezes his eyes shut, and you're suddenly aware of how pale he is, his hand on your arm now ice cold. He eventually speaks again, his breathing ragged and shallow. "I'm going to... die anyway. Y/N," his voice is choked, and your eyes are full of tears, "I'm...dying."
He's right. He's dying. There's no denying it. As heartbreaking as this thought may be, it is no less true. You've been in enough battles, seen enough fatal injuries to not delude yourself. With a wound that bad, there's no chance of survival. Absolutely none. You know it won't take long.
But it doesn't change a single thing. How could you leave him here, in this foreign land, surrounded by strangers – by enemies? How could you? You don't want to be safe, you want to be with him, as long as you can.
You may not be able to save him, but you can be there. You want to be there.
I will not lose you to a world that doesn't care
To the monsters that would have you.
Your hand cups his face as you swallow thickly, blinking back tears. "And I want to be here. I won't leave you alone." The pain in your heart is such that you can hardly speak. Taking the deepest breath you can, you then bite your inner cheek so hard that you can taste the blood in your mouth. "You're not alone, my love. You don't have to face this alone."
Ivar's eyes are closed, and for a moment, you're not sure he heard you. If you're being honest, you're not sure he's still there with you, even if he's still breathing.
But then, his eyelids flutter open, revealing glassy eyes. There's no more light in them; no more fight. "Not today..." He mumbles, despair clear in his voice. And suddenly his face crumples and his eyes are full of tears and you can almost physically feel the panic coursing through his battered body. When he speaks, sobbing very hard, it's to say what you never thought you'd hear him say, his voice as shaky as your hand on his face.
"I'm afraid."
It rips your heart out.
"I'm afraid."
It tears you to pieces.
"I'm afraid."
It destroys you.
You hiccup, a hand moving to cover your mouth. You want to take his pain away, you want to die and let him live. Your head is spinning, you're dying from the inside, you're not sure you can do it, but you have to. You know you have to.
So, gathering the courage you thought you didn't have, you nod. With tears rolling down your face, you swallow hard and say, "I won't tell anyone." Shaking with long, racking sobs, you try to smile. "No one will ever forget Ivar the Boneless. And I will never forget you, my love."
The fear in his haunted eyes almost unbearable, you can just soothe him, a reassuring hand on his cheek. Your tears join his, splashing on his face as you whisper again and again. "You're not alone, my love... I'm right here, next to you... You're not alone..." Sliding your arm under his head, you clumsily lie down next to him, curling your limbs around his body, cradling him.
Never surrender you, I always be there
I will be there to wrap myself around you.
And then, with a last gasp, your lover stops breathing.
And your whole world just shatters around you over and over and over...
Time loses all meaning.
You can't move.
Can't think.
Can't cry.
Can't feel.
He's gone.
And you realize you never had a chance to tell him...
He's gone.
Tagging: @waiting4inspiration @honestsycrets @lisinfleur @saldelys @gearhead66 @inforapound @readsalot73 @milkkygirls @xbellaxcarolinax @shannygoatgruff @zuxiezendler @a-mess-of-fandoms @hecohansen31 @lonewolf471 @ivarthebloodyking @fuckindiva @tgrrose @didiintheblog @peachyboneless @pieces-by-me @funmadnessandbadassvikings @ethereallysimple @destynelseclipsa @cocovikings23 @xceafh @mrsalwayswrite @deans-ch-ch-cherrypie @pomegranates-and-blood @jadelynlace @grimeundglow @quantumlocked310 @fuchsiagrasshopper
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apocalypseornaw · 4 years ago
Text
Always be yours (Pt 2/2)
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Warnings? Demon! Dean, mentions of cheating, sex, killing and lots of cursing
You sat just outside of the armory flat on the cool tile floor with your eyes closed. You couldn't bare to walk through that door. It had been weeks since that night you spent wrapped in Dean's arms. You told Sam you'd seen Dean, that he had sought you out. You didn't tell him everything that had happened or that Dean knew what had happened between the two of you.
You weren't praying for the simple fact that you knew with the exception of Cas no one was listening that would care. Sam had left to get the blessed blood after carting Dean inside the bunker. You'd stayed out of sight the entire time. Now you had to face Dean and watch him go through what you knew would be an excruciating process to flush the demon out of him.
"Are you ok?" Sam's voice drew you out of your thoughts. You opened your eyes to see him standing about a foot away from you "Just trying to get my head on right Sam" he nodded with a sympathetic smile "You know you don't have to go in there yet. This is gonna take a while" "I can't do that Sam. I can't turn away, he wouldn't do it to me if positions were reversed nor would he do it to you"
He held his good hand out but you shook your head and climbed to your feet "Let's do this"
--------
You took a deep breath as you watched Sam splash holy water and repeat the Latin that would concentrate the ground for the process to work. Dean hadn't looked your way yet and you weren't sure if you were relieved or hurt. 
You watched Sam draw up the blood in a syringe. Dean eyed it as well finally meeting your eyes before saying "Sammy you know I hate shots" Sam shrugged "I hate demons" you flinched when Dean snarled at Sam before Sam splashed holy water on him and injected the blood into his arm right below the mark.
Dean's eyes never left yours, a groan of pain leaving him before he shook it off. "Look Dean there's a lot more doses to go. You could make it a lot easier on yourself" Sam told him then turned to walk off. He stopped where you were glued to the floor staring at Dean. "Are you ok?" 
Dean spoke up "Oh Y/N's fine alone with me black eyes and all. Isn't that right sweetheart?" A flicker of a smile flashed across his face and your stomach flipped. Sam looked between the two of you visibly confused before Dean smirked "Oh she didn't get around to that Sammy? Yeah me and her had a damn good time in Colorado"
"Y/N?" Sam's voice wasn't accusatory just simply asking. You stared past him at Dean "Yeah I fucked him that night Sam" "A few times" Dean added and you felt your face warm from embarrassment. "Come on" Sam grabbed your arm to pull you from the room and you heard a slight growl from Dean before the two of you made it out into the hallway.
-------
"You didn't tell me you had sex with him" Sam's voice was barely a whisper. You followed him down the hall to the kitchen "Didn't exactly know how to throw that into casual conversation" 
You sat down at the table holding your head in your hands. Sam walked to the fridge then sat a bottle of water down in front of you "It's understandable Y/N. You love him" you slowly raised your eyes and he nearly choked on the water in his mouth "How did he find out?" You shrugged "Crowley somehow? I guess"
You normally didn't hear Sam curse a whole lot but the string of words that fell from his mouth would've made a sailor blush. "Shit you shouldn't be here then" you shook your head "I'm not fucking leaving you alone with him Sam. He won't hurt me, there's still something inside of him stopping that whether it's the Cain and Collette thing. You on the other hand, our real Dean he'd never forgive himself if he did something to you. The least I owe you both is staying through whatever happens next"
He reached across the table and gently grabbed your hand and gave it a light squeeze "You're still my best friend, you know that. We'll get him back and deal with the fall out of everything that happened" you swallowed hard then said "If we get him back Sam, I'm leaving. I know Dean...seeing me and you in close quarters he won't handle it well and I won't be what tears you two apart" "and if he doesn't want you to leave?" He asked in almost a whisper and you laughed sadly "Then miracles really do happen"
-------
The second dose you didn't go in for and there were no words exchanged between Sam and Dean. You stood in the hallway listening to Dean in pain and fought everything inside of you that screamed to run to his side.
------
The third dose you walked in behind Sam. Dean met your eyes "For all you know he's killing me sweetheart" "Or you're screwing with him and me" you replied trying to not let your heart get in the way of your brain.
"Besides the lore didn't say anything about an exception to the cure" Sam added and Dean scoffed "The lore..hunters...men of letters. What a load of crap it all is" when you nor Sam said anything in return he tilted his head at Sam "Oh you got nothing?"
You shook your head at Sam trying to remind him that this was the demon part talking not Dean. You were relieved when he said "What do you want me to debate you? This isn't even the real you I'm talking to" Dean turned towards you "Y/N did I feel real enough to you? Hell come here and give me a kiss baby" you turned and walked out without a word and heard him laugh before turning back to Sam.
--------
You tried to call Cas but he didn't answer so after a moment you walked back into the room. You heard Dean say "Crowley told me all about it. So let me ask which one of us is really a monster?"
You walked further into the room and cut your eyes at Sam "What's he mean? What did you do?" You knew both you and Sam had went to different extremes to find Dean but there were a few weeks you barely saw each other. "Oh she doesn't know..man that's rich"
"You two were trying to get a twenty on me and Crowley from any direction you could but Crowley didn't want to be found and no one showed when Sammy summoned so he found a way" you looked from one brother to the other "Sam?" He was looking at Dean who half smirked "Oh he would've liked to have gotten there before the deal went down but he didn't really care about poor ol Lester..did ya Sammy?"
It didn't take a lot to put together what you'd missed. "Oh Sam" Dean chuckled darkly "Yeah I killed Lester myself and his wife married that tattooed guy" "I never meant" Sam started but Dean cut him off "Who cares what you meant? That line between us and what we hunt ain't so clear is it? Wow you might actually be worse than me. I mean you found a guy at his lowest, used him and then it cost him his life and his soul. Nice work and Y/N here fucked us both so what does that say about her?"
You felt like you'd been slapped in the face when Dean threw those words at you. Sam injected another syringe of blood into Dean's neck and you tried with everything you had to not let yourself break before walking out the room. You could hear Dean asking Sam if he or you had the stomach to do what would be needed should the cure not work and felt your knees weaken at the mere thought.
-----
Sam found you in the map room staring blankly at the screen. "Hey, that's not really him" you raised your face and knew he saw the streaks of tears when you said "Isn't it?" You pushed away from the table when he took a step towards you and shook your head "I just need a minute" 
You walked past him to the room you'd been sleeping in. You sat down on the edge of the bed and looked over to the photo of you, Dean and Sam at Bobby's place that was leaned against the lamp next to the letter Dean had left that night. 
You knew all that was happening had been a possibility and the truth was any amount of heartbreak was worth getting Dean's eyes back permanently green. If that night was the last you got in his arms you'd be grateful for it if he just survived this cure.
-------
You wiped your tears and headed back to the armory. The moment you got to the doorway your heart dropped "SAM" you screamed running in to Dean's side. You stepped closer than you should've but his head was dropped down and you couldn't tell if he was breathing. "Baby, please wake up Dean. Come back to us please" you slapped his cheeks lightly and heard Sam come running in behind you "Is he ok?"
"Yeah if drowning in your own sweat while your blood boils is ok" Dean answered slowly opening his eyes and you hadn't realized just how close you were to him until that moment. "He could stop this darling. You know I'd never hurt you. Just make him stop" you quickly stepped away from him and shook your head "No. We want the real Dean back"
You knew Sam was drawing up another dose but Dean leveled you with his gaze "You think the real Dean is gonna be so forgiving? I mean at least I screwed strangers you on the other hand, my baby brother? That's low Y/N. I would've preferred you fucking Cas" 
"Well if you hate me at least you'll be human to do so" you replied then walked out hoping he didn't see the way your hands shook.
------
One minute you were walking back to the armory after making sure the outer door was unlocked for Cas then the next Sam was pulling you into a side hallway holding his hand over your mouth. "He's out" he mouthed and your eyes widened.
"What's the plan?" You whispered once he moved his hand. "C'MON SAMMY. DON'T YOU WANNA HANG OUT WITH YOUR BIG BROTHER" rang through the quiet air and you flinched. "We need to lock it down. Keys are in the map room" you nodded then pointed "I'll go left and make some noise for him to follow. You go right"
"Y/N..be careful" you half smiled "You too"
--------
You ran down the hall towards the bedrooms making sure to let your feet fall heavy. "Dean?" You called out hoping he'd come after you and not Sam. Sure enough you felt the air shift a half second before your back was shoved against a wall "Hey there beautiful. Where's Sammy?" He had one arm across your chest holding you in place while the other held a hammer.
Your eyes flicked towards it and he smiled "It's not for you. If I wanted to nail you there's better ways" you groaned at the fact that even murderous Demonic Dean had to make bad jokes. "I don't know" he nodded and moved forward catching your lips in a bruising kiss "I believe you but I don't need you getting in the way" 
You weren't sure what he meant until he shoved you roughly into a storage room and shut the door. "DEAN GOD DAMMIT DON'T DO THIS!" you pounded against the door and heard the key turn in the handle "Just calm down baby" was the last thing you heard before his footsteps disappeared down the hall.
-------
Painfully long minutes passed before the door slowly opened. You half expected it to be Dean covered in Sam's blood but let out a breath of relief when you saw it was Cas and flung yourself into his arms hugging him "Thank god" you muttered squeezing the angel who returned the hug fully. "Dean didn't hurt you, did he?" You shook your head "Just locked me in here so I wouldn't get in the way"
He grabbed your arm "Come on. Sam's fine but there's only two more doses to give Dean" you let Cas pull you to the armory trying to ignore the growing knot in your stomach.
--------
You stood between Sam and Cas while Dean slowly woke up. He looked between the three of you "You look worried" you nodded to Sam who splashed the Holy water onto Dean. He didn't even flinch "Welcome home Dean" Sam said with a relieved smile.
-------
You were sitting on the counter in the kitchen nursing a beer. You'd seen Sam when he got back with Dean's food and had told Cas goodbye before he left but you still couldn't face Dean. What he said had stuck with you. He may have cheated as well but it was with strangers and as a demon. You had slept with his brother of all people. You wouldn't want to be with you either.
-------
Hours passed. You saw Sam head to bed and slowly headed towards your own room. You stopped in front of Dean's door and almost knocked but thought better of it. The moment you went to step away though the door opened and you heard his voice "Y/N?" You turned around with a small smile "I just wanted to check on you" he nodded then glanced back into his room "You haven't been sleeping in here have you?"
You shook your head "I couldn't" you didn't know what else to say. Every time you'd tried to sleep in the bed you shared with him you'd ended up crying yourself to sleep. "Do you want to? I mean fuck I don't have a right to ask but will you just lay down with me? Let me hold you." You couldn't believe your ears but your mouth moved faster than your brain it seemed "Are you sure?"
He gave you a smirk that was a ghost of his usual one "I started the day as a demon and tried to kill my brother but you're asking me if I'm sure" you held your hand out and when he took it walked into the room pulling him behind you.
------
He shut the door then pulled you behind him to the bed. He sat down on the side of it and pulled you between his legs. You stood there with your hands on his shoulders just enjoying knowing you had your Dean back even if he decided he no longer wanted to be yours. "Are you scared of me Y/N?" He asked and that shocked you more than anything "What? No" he glanced down at his lap then raised his eyes to you playfully "You could be closer" 
You kicked your boots off then climbed onto his lap effectively straddling him. "I've missed you and not just the sex, this" he whispered burying his face in your neck. "Do you still love me?" You asked and he drew back to look you in the face "Yeah Sweetheart I still love you. Can you ever forgive me for everything I did?" "Are you still mine?" You asked and he kissed your neck lightly "I'll always be yours even if you don't want me"
You smiled and felt tears trying to sting your eyes "I've only ever wanted you Dean" he noticed the tears glistening in your eyes and gently wiped them away "Those women didn't mean anything. The mark and being a demon..it fucked me up and i didn't want to risk hurting you. I stayed away as long as I could but when Crowley told me that you and Sam.." he trailed off but his hands tightened around your waist. "It didn't mean anything to us but helping to keep each other sane and alive. I was hurt and lost and so was he…" Dean cut you off with a kiss and you melted into his touch.
When he pulled away he pushed your hair back out of your face "Can we call this a new start?" His hands had slid under your shirt and you felt his fingertips trailing across your bare skin. "Please" you all but whispered pulling him into another kiss. 
Tags: @akshi8278
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stubbedbakutoes · 5 years ago
Text
Get a Clue
In which Bakugou only smiles around the people he wants to be around, and his girl (y/n) isn't one of them, especially the man who's hitting on her.
pairing: asshole!bakugou x fem reader
word count: 1.6k
genre: angst, lovers to enemies
masterlist
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The car had a tense atmosphere. After one hour into their two hour drive up to their mutual friend Todoroki's wedding, Bakugou and (y/n) hadn’t spoken to each other once, his attention being kept on the road, whilst hers was on the phone in her hands.
“Useless fucking GPS.” Irritation pricked at him as he took a U-turn when they reached a dead end.
“It said to take a left, then a right.” She stated, rolling her eyes in the process.
“And look where it got us.” Rage churned inside of him.
“You took two lefts.” She indicated, glancing over at him just in time to chuckle at him taking notice of his mistake since he swallowed down his frustration.
“Thanks.” He deadpanned, not sounding even an ounce grateful.
//
They had only been in the reception of the wedding for half an hour when (y/n) noticed Bakugou start to fidget beside her and unnecessarily tap his fingers on the table as if he was counting down the minutes until he could get home.
“Listen to the best man's speech, will you?” She whispered.
“Is it possible for you to go at least two minutes without being annoying?” Bakugou rolled his eyes.
“Is it possible for you to go at least two minutes without that snarl on your face?” (y/n) retorted, “You have a pretty smile, you should show off those teeth more often.”
“I smile around people I want to be around.”
“Oh c'mon, your best friend is getting wedded!” She giggled, moving her chair closer to whisper. “That lady seated across us may look frightening but she's got a big personality and that guy who accidentally stepped on your foot is probably really sweet too-“
“I was talking about you.” His frustration kicked in.
“M-me?” She stuttered, not expecting that from him at all despite his provocative attitude ever since she stopped by his house earlier morning to drive them here.
“Yes, you.” He spoke slowly, as if he was talking to a kid. “You give me an actual headache when you talk. I thought I made that clear. Wake up, get a clue!“
He held up a finger to indicate he wasn't quite done yet. “And I’m not smiling if I want to, it's not as if I’m making the guests tremble with fear. They always seem to choose me over you and, to be straightforward, I don’t blame them because you're so tiring to be with.”
Ouch. That stung. She took a second to sort through her rapidly moving thoughts. "I thought things were going g-great."
Bakugou let out the fakest laugh ever. "Real low, (y/n)."
"Why the fuck are we even together anymore?!" Y/N eventually whisper-yelled, throwing her hands up in exasperation.    
"Fuck knows why," he practically spat. "I wouldn't even give a shit if you left."   
She was at loss for words, opening and closing her mouth and blinking back the tears she could feel stinging her eyes. She quickly and quietly picking her things up because she no longer had to be here.
"Where – " Bakugou sighed, shutting his eyes and throwing his head back slightly as he groaned. "Where are you going, (y/n)?" He asked tiredly, looking back at the woman in question.     
"Why do you care?" (y/n) scoffed, still seated. "You don't want to be around me anyway, right? You want me to take a hint, right?" She mocked. "So...I’m leaving. Leaving, as in— leaving. I’m done. I’m finished, I can’t—” she shook her head. “I’m done. We’re over.”
Bakugou turns to look at her, an almost unimpressed look on his face. “... Okay. And?” He had a sinister smile on his face. “We were never going to last. You’re just— not good enough for me.”
The Bakugou she fell in love with is now nothing but a stranger to her.
//
(y/n) was in a little black dress that flaunted off her legs with just the right amount of cleavage. Hair's let down, styled carefully, make-up done up as best as she could. (y/n)'s already normally usually feeling like she wasn't good enough for anyone, so having someone she loved with all heart point it out made her feel miserable because tonight was supposed to be different since she actually felt confident and comfortable in her own skin for the first time in ages.
It's been an hour since she broke it off with Bakugou. Sobbing silently, (y/n) headed to the wedding's open bar instead, ordering a beer. It was a cheap brand so it tasted like shit but she drank it anyway, knowing that she'd have to borrow money from Bakugou in order to get herself something more expensive. She mentally scolded herself for thinking of him, causing her to curse loudly at herself.
A soft chuckle from beside her made her jump, and she's met with the sight of a very attractive dark-haired man, maybe a year or two older than herself.    
"Can I buy you something else? Doesn't sit right on the tongue, doesn't it?" He nodded over to the glass bottle she's got her fingers wrapped around.   
Y/N smiled, shaking her head lightly, "Doesn't really matter, as long as it eases the pain" she shrugged a shoulder.    
The man pulled a face, "It's still pretty terrible."  
 "... Yeah, kinda is," she answered and she's laughing lightly – the man also laughing along. "I'm, uh, (y/n), by the way," she grinned from ear to ear, offering him a hand to shake.
"I'm – " he started, but was cut off by someone clearing their throat and then there was the feel of someone wrapping their arm around Y/N's waist.   
"Don't know, don't care," Bakugou's familiar voice drifted into her ears and it's obviously him that's got his arm wrapped around her waist because no one else could immediately make her feel so warm and safe by just a simple act of love. Until an hour ago, that is. So she physically restrained herself from leaning into his touch and slid away from his hold.  
The stranger cleared his throat awkwardly, eyeing Bakugou for a brief moment before backing down and stepping away because Bakugou's glaring at him so hard that even someone innocent would feel guilty for no reason whatsoever.
Y/N slid her gaze over to him and Bakugou's still glaring at the direction in which the man's just walked away, so she huffed in frustration and crossed her arms across her chest as she stared him down.  
"What the fuck was that?" Y/N practically hisses. Who is he to chase off the guy that she'd just been talking with when he was off breaking her heart just an hour before? He's no one, that's who.   
"I want to marry you." Bakugou's voice is low as he speaks, eyes narrowing down on Y/N as she stares up at him defiantly. "I mean it...really."
"I want to burn the image of when I first see you in a dress, the way I cry and how I couldn’t stop crying afterward, and how I feel both embarrassed and glad for my crying, embarrassed because I’m a man and crying in public is still hard, and glad because it means something when you cry on your wedding day. And the way I lift our clasped hands after we're announced, and how I feel accomplished in life, something in between 'We did it,' and, 'Holy Shit this is actually happening.' and-" he cut himself off, not because he was done with his rant.
But because he was crying. He was actually full-fledged crying, tears streaming down either sides of his cheeks and his nose was reddening from sniffling too much. She took a step forward, and Bakugou didn't see her move, because he was so preoccupied with wiping at his eyes – as though to get rid of any evidence that he'd been crying.    
"Fuck off," She nearly laughed out. “That’s not what you were saying an hour ago.”
“I know that but I didn’t mean it, you know I didn’t.”
“Do I?” She looked up to find he was avoiding her intimidating gaze. “Because whoever that was who pushed me out and tried to imply I was a nuisance is certainly not the man I plan to get along with, let alone marry.”
“No. No, I-I’m just. You know I love you. You know I want to— I want this. You know that you mean the fucking world to me, you always have, you always will. I just— I was mad at myself because— I saw, fucking firsthand, how many people want you, and how you could have anyone, but then— you— you’re with me. The quick-tempered asshole, and—” He stopped, figuring his words are all but making sense to her, chest heaving up and down rapidly like he had just been running kilometers at a time. His eyes are still wide, maybe even a little crazed. 
She stayed completely silent. 
All she did was stare at him, breathing almost as heavily as he was. But her ears rang with his words and God, she wanted to walk away so badly—but she doesn’t think she's physically capable of doing so from the boy that she was sure she's going to never stop loving because she's whipped for the guy. Feeling's mutual though, since (y/n) had his heart in the palm of her hands and she wasn't even aware of it because all he did was make her feel like he's leagues above her and it's such a shitty feeling.
Bakugou was the first to break the silence. “I’m begging you, (y/n)” Bakugou nearly whispered out, eyes a shade of stained glass. "If you want to walk out right now, not even be near me, I’ll understand. But— fuck. Please don’t leave me for good. Please let me make up for my shortcomings as your boyfriend, and hopefully— hopefully — as your husband and...the dad of our future children."
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thelostguardianau · 5 years ago
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The Lost Guardian- Chapter Eight
“Heed the Silenced”
(Authors note: aha.. yknow I should probably stop making promises for this fic. Months later, w/ a chapter that doesn’t have Thomas in it, three different outlines down and i’m really just at the mercy of this fic at this point xD considering midway through writing this chapter I had to cut and rewrite an entire scene i’d spent a month on bc I’d decided that Dee had a chance at redemtion that added an actual direction and a tangable end goal to this story. So. Yeah. And!! A loud Thank You!! to @bumblebeekitten for helping me bounce ideas back & forth for this au and being my beta for this chapter!!)
Character Info & Art:
Patton | Logan | Roman | Virgil | Remy | Deceit | ??? | ???
Chapter Seven | Chapter Nine
Fandom: Thomas Sanders Sides
Pairings: Eventual Polyamsanders (LAMPR/CALMR-a.k.a LAMP/CALM + Remy ‘Sleep’ Sanders)
Warnings: THIS CHAPTER IS KINDA DIALOG HEAVY!(sorry) Currently depicted as morally grey Deceit(subject to change in future chapters), though the side of Deceit from his first appearance doesnt make an appearance in this chapter and it is explained why, mentions of past betrayal and dark descriptions of bodily concepts, curses, limitations, and changes only really explained as possible through the lore of this au. Deceit speaks in riddles because he has to, ominous warnings. Virgil still isn’t okay mentally. Mentions of indifference to death, lack of selfworth or self preservation. (Let me know if I need to add anything!)
[[MORE]]
Brown eyes flutter open at the chilly breeze of a fan, and the ravenette’s mind comes to realize that he’s been moved from resting on his stomach to laying on his back. Groggy from his much too short nap, it takes a few moments to realize there are no warm bodies near him or under him, no breathing or chatter of familiar voices to sooth him.
The room, he realizes, is empty.
The room itself is, in fact, not Remy’s bedroom at all.
Shooting straight up, Virgil’s first clear thought is that he’s back at home. At his apartment, this time in his hoodie yet still roughed up from his latest ‘adventure’. The scene is eerily familiar, and yet he knows this time that work is not where he needs to be. It’s already daylight and his mind now knows this familiar scene, he should feel alone. Yet, this time he can hear the sound of honking cars and people, his loud neighbor from upstairs stomping around.
It doesn’t make sense as he walks to his window and peers out to see vague cars and people, he can’t even seem to make out any individual faces. It’s grey and raining outside, but there is no pattering sound against the foggy window. ‘What’s happening?’ Virgil wonders.
“Life seemed so simple a week ago, even months ago, did it not..?” A familiar voice drifts from behind him. Ice cold fear shoots down the ravenette’s spine as he recognizes the voice.
“I can hardly believe you were able to leave it, your routine. It was your everything, back when you came to terms with what you had left. Am I wrong, Virgil?” Whirling around to face the voice, Virgil finds the terrifying ex-Guardian sitting on his couch looking quite at home, if a little sheepish.
“What do you care?” He spat back, stepping back against his window.
“I am only looking out for you, you know. I have been protecting you all your life. Of all people I think I would know what is best for you, don't you think? We are connected after all, you and I.” The man sighed, making a surrendering motion with his hands.
“Why would I trust you?! You tried to kill me yesterday!” Virgil growled. “Why--h-how are you even here!?”
“False, my dear Virgil. I tried to warn you. Sure,” The guardian rolled his hand as he spoke, “I am forced to have a round-about way of speaking my truths, it is just part of my consequences it seems. But how else was I going to get you to listen to me after the others fed you lies about me? I do sincerely apologize for my other half being rough, though. I cannot quite.. Control.. Him.” The guardian tilted his bowler hat down to guiltily hide his eyes, regret briefly twisting his expression.
Finally the Guardian stood, dusting himself off as if his immaculate attire had acquired dust from just existing in his apartment. “I needed my physical body to reach yours and make our soul connection strong again, so that my soul could reach yours. However.. The pain I caused you was far from my intention. I am deeply regretful that it came down to.. That awful encounter.
“To answer your question though, Virgil, I am here because I created ‘here’. A realm made to form this illusion of being home, sweet home, just on the corner of the little street you had come to live on for the past year. It is all my doing. Where you stand is simply an illusion only you and I can access, a manipulation of your dreams and memories. The only place where the real me can talk to you mostly unhindered.” The guardian gestured to his surroundings.
“It takes only one person to flip your life on it’s head, a matter of hours to make the decision of a lifetime, and a matter of days to have completely changed your life’s direction,” He turned to Virgil, and looked him straight in the eyes, feeling distant and lost.
“And only a matter of years to succumb to the depression of the lonely consequences..”
Virgil blinked at that. The sad, longing tone had him thrown for a loop; it almost felt like the Guardian wasn't even quite talking to Virgil. “I-What..? I.. I don’t understand.”
The Guardian shook his head, snapping out of it and refocusing himself. "Nevermind that. It is time I talked to you for real, if you will have me?" The Guardian held out a hand politely, though there was no real expectation for Virgil to take it.
After a pause, Virgil gave a slight nod, still suspicious of the other's intent. The Guardian returned the nod, and his hand fell to his side.
“I am limited to the time that you rest and for now I will not be able to explain myself thoroughly, so, I ask you to understand that I do not expect you to trust me when I am done. I honestly do not expect you to ever trust me. With the mistakes I have made, I firmly believe I would not deserve it.”
Virgil blinked in surprise, not having expected his captor to admit to his faults straight off the bat.
“Okay.. Well, we’re here, might as well hear your side of the story. So.. Shoot.” Virgil said lightly, distrust and suspicion still evident in his tone and stance.
“I would assume at this point you are well aware of how the story you have been told paints me as the villain, a mastermind seeking power, immortality, and revenge? At least, that is what I am led to believe is still the story, it has been many years since I have heard the tale first hand… And... Well. Would that not be so lovely?” Virgil made a face, eyes narrowing in confusion.
“I am serious. Life would be so much easier if it was all black and white, true or false, good and bad, would it not? If those who meant well knew everything and those malicious few could not corrupt anything?” The Guardian frowned a bit, frustrated with his words that couldn’t seem to cooperate with him.
“Would it not be lovely if I could talk to you without fighting to keep from turning every honest thought into a question or theoretical statement just to let it be said? That my words could hold a meaning not forcibly disguised in the forms of fables and riddles?” The Guardian looked down lamely, his words tapering off in agitation. For a moment, Virgil waited as the Guardian was silent, contemplative. Then, the next moment the Guardian’s face scrunched up in sadness and his words were soft as he placed a hand over his golden wrist markings.
“My story is complicated, and twisted with shades of grey. One could say what I did was an attempt to keep you safe, another could say that what I did was outlandish and impulsive, and stupid. But no one will be able to tell you that what I did went according to the plan I had... at first. No one will tell you that my intention was to save you, to keep your fate safe. No one will tell you that my plan was ruined. Because there is no longer anyone who remembers what happened that night except for me,”
The Guardian’s eyes flicked up to meet the ravenette’s, a hurt look passing over his face as he continued. His steady voice now just barely trembled with uncertainty as he continued.
“No one but me and the soul who wants so desperately for everyone to forget. The soul who ripped my own in two to bury the secret, and ruin you and I both.”
“My final warning is this: Beware of the man who carries the world on his shoulders unflinchingly, he will be watching you closely. You have immunity to his power thanks to our connection, you might use this knowledge well to find the truth that lies in plain sight. However, your fate lies in the decisions you chose to make with this knowledge, I can only warn you of what might come.” The Guardian nodded solemnly, choosing to finish his cryptic warning there.
Virgil stood there, reeling with the information. Sure, he definitely wasn’t completely convinced he could trust this cryptic stranger, Guardian? Foe? Friend? Virgil wasn’t really sure what to call him anymore. But damn, his life was already so fucking crazy, this was all just fucking crazy! He could just be dreaming for all he knew.
But… Deep inside, he was hoping he wasn’t.
This was, well. This wasn’t what he’d been expecting to hear when facing the man whose, er, body? Had originally tried to strangle him? Now he’d heard his sob story and, well, Virgil wasn’t that easy to fool, but he’d also been told that it wasn’t expected that he’d trust the guy even in the end and he didn’t really want to.
He’d been on the path to death for so long, and then just two days ago everything had changed. So much was happening, it was frankly exhausting. What the fuck was he, some book protagonist? Couldn’t he get a little time to think about all this before he went crazy?
Still, something under all his incredulity begged to hear the guardian out. He vaguely wondered how Stockholm Syndrome worked before he gave in a little. What difference did a little more crazy make in his life at this point?
“Fine, I’ll heed your warning, or whatever the fuck. But only if you can tell me what you mean when you said that this guy ripped your, uh, soul? In two.” Virgil huffed, partially relaxing. It was odd how comforting he found it to be, floating in this weird feeling imaginary world, where he could interact with objects that weren’t real. It felt like he was really standing in his home, and yet it was just built from memory.
The guardian’s solemn expression formed into a grim smile, eyes distant once more before nodding. “I will do the best that my words will allow.” Virgil nodded, and waited for the now very familiar stranger to gather his words and take a breath. Then he began, his markings lightly flashing gold.
“You find yourself whole one day, as you have always been. To be whole of body, whole of mind, both human and guardian in nature. To have conscious thought and control over your whole physical being and soul..
“You find that yourself and others of the winged variety are capable of separating your soul from your being, though only the most Elite can do it well. You find out the family you made would soon be in danger. You then find yourself lost and alone when you once had a home to call your own.
“You find yourself knowing a truth, a perilous truth. Your home is in shambles now that you are gone, yet they do not know it. This truth is at fault, but the blame is not fully your own in a world built on lies.
“The source of truth tucks itself into blankets of grey, drawing itself further from discovery with each passing day. Now only you know the truth. The source of the truth finds you, it seeks to hide you too.
“You find yourself split one day, as you have never been before. Forced apart from the body, trapped within the mind. Guardian in nature, to have conscious thought and your dying soul trapped within, a false mind piloting the puppeteered confines of a broken body with a blind goal.”
“You find you cannot control what you used to, you are a prisoner to a body that is no longer your own, mostly unconscious to the world around it. Crazed by the false emotions that fuel it.”
“The you that used to be is no longer, and has not been for over a hundred years. The world that knew you knows not of what you’ve become. Knows not of the shackles that bind you.
“The you that used to be is no longer, and will never be again.” The Guardian finished, hesitant yellow eyes meeting Virgil’s carefully. Phantom goosebumps trail down Virgil's arms as the final sentence strikes a cord in him.
Virgil found he really wasn’t quite sure how to respond to that, the rawness in the other’s tone spoke volumes of the sore spot they’d reached.
“Your body rests, but your mind also needs time to process today. I shall see you when you next rest, though only if you wish to seek me. Rest well knowing that you will not be scooped from your safety once more, as I hope I’m never to do so again. And...” The guardian paused, considering their next words very carefully.
“I know it is selfish to ask... but, I hope and wish that Thomas is alright, after all this time... Do take care of him, would you?”
Virgil paused and stared, finding only concern and longing in the guardian’s expression. And, well, fuck. What a way to pull at a guy’s heartstrings.
“Er, yes. Yeah. I’ll try my best.” Virgil gave his signature mock salute, the Guardian tipping his hat in return.
“Trying is all I could ever ask of you, Virgil. Rest well, you will need it.” And with that final sentence, the world around Virgil gently grew dark, and he sunk into the comforting arms of sleep.
Despite it all, Virgil still found his mind vaguely conscious. Sluggish at best, but awake nonetheless.
He figured it was likely some lingering effect from the Guardian’s dream realm, but didn’t dwell on it. His life had way too much else going on to be debating the side effects gained from Guardian powers.
First, he’d been pretty damn convinced two days ago that he was going to be a goner by the end of the month. Completely resigned to die believing that his very existence was scorned by the world he’d been unwillingly born into.
Then Patton had stumbled onto his shitty apartment’s roof, found him in all of his resigned and depressed glory, and changed his life forever.
They’d mostly skipped the whole ‘Human nature is a series of life, death, and rebirth’ spiel that guardians were known to give in these situations because... Well, It wasn’t like they’d really had time to address it before the truth about his soul had come out. That he wasn’t exactly human to begin with.
Virgil didn’t think that Guardians had ever had a situation like his before. There wasn’t a protocol for comforting a kidnapped guardian soul. It’d never been a possibility before!
So it wasn’t surprising then, that Virgil didn’t have any better of a time processing it.
His whole life, all that he’d known to be true, all that he’d believed in? Everything had been uprooted and turned on its head. He’d apparently been living a life that was not supposed to be.
Perhaps for the first time in two days, Virgil realized that the thought of his death at the end of the month had not been consistently worming into his brain. It had once been something he could never seem to stop thinking about.
The death indicated by his soul timer was now perhaps the farthest thing from his mind.
Perhaps the strangest thing so far was that he wasn’t alone anymore. He’d possibly had more physical contact with other people in the short two(three?) days since this adventure started then he’d had in the past 16 years.
And wasn’t it just the cherry on top that he’d also gotten nearly choked out by the very guardian accused of kidnapping his soul in the first place? And now he was considering trusting the damn guy.
Virgil hollowly wondered why he even cared.
Why did he care about staying alive now when he’s spent his whole life believing he never would? Up until two days ago, that belief had still been true. But now? Avoiding death was the goal, Logan had stated as much.
Really, would Virgil lose anything by trusting the banished guardian? Even if the guardian was trying to trick Virgil and got him killed, what difference would it make? That’d always been the goal before. What did he, Virgil, really have to lose?
If it happened that Virgil lived past his twentieth birthday, if he became a guardian like he was supposed to be in the first place. Would he want that? Did he want that?
He wasn’t sure. Didn’t know if he ever had been.
His life had been built on resignation to the inevitable. Nothing seemed to motivate him towards liking or hating that possibility. He was just that.
Indifferent.
And wasn’t that just the greatest revelation of the night? Finding out that you’re indifferent to living or dying.
Once this was all over, if Virgil lived that long, he would make a note to see a therapist. He knew very well that this kind of mindset was unhealthy to keep. It just couldn’t be helped that the nineteen years he’d lived with this particular affliction couldn’t be fixed by a few extra hugs and comforting words.
Even if he didn’t like the fact that death sounded like the more peaceful option.
His thoughts paused, mentally sighing at the downward spiral he’d caught himself in. It was tiring, and going nowhere.
‘For now,’ he decided, ‘I’m just going to see how this plays out. The Guardian said that none of the others remember the truth, or whatever. So, It’s a ‘he said-they said’ situation right now...’
‘I’ll have to keep an eye out for the guy that he warned me about, then. Who knows if he's as dangerous as The Guardian made him out to be. It’s hard to tell with the weird way he has to talk..’
Virgil paused again, a realization striking him. If he could have groaned, he would have. Not once had he been given or even remembered to ask for the name of said Guardian. What was he supposed to call the rogue Guardian now? He couldn’t just keep calling him The Guardian!
Amidst the disbelief of such a slip up, a foreign yet familiar feeling prodded questioningly at his conscious mind. Adding confusion into the mix of emotions, he returned the feeling with a questioning thought of his own.
He briefly heard the Guardian’s whispy voice once more, now acting with permission.
“You may call me Janus”
Then all at once, Virgil woke up.
.
.
.
Chapter Nine
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sofreddie · 4 years ago
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This Is How We Heal (Part 13 - Final)
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Summary: Jared and Reader meet due to an unfortunate accident. They talk and end up leaning on one another because they feel no one else understands.
Characters: Jared, Jensen, Reader
Warnings: Fluff
Word Count: 1,445
A/N: I have finally reached the end of this arduous journey. This fic, and those that have commented along the way, have helped me to heal and process my own grief. Thank you so much to everyone who read and commented and joined in the journey.
Series Masterlist
My Masterlist
PART 12
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Jared was glad to be doing the regular convention circuit once more. He missed his friends, the energy, the fans. It had taken him quite a while to be able to get to this point.
He knew there would be questions so he needed to make sure he could handle it. It helped to have Jensen with him.
As they took the stage for their panel, the fans erupted in cheers, happy to see Jared once more. He smiled brightly, waving at them and enjoying their energy.
Jensen stood just to the side, arms in pose as if 'presenting' Jared to the crowd. Then he clapped along with the fans, welcoming him back. They settled into their seats and began talking wit the fans. It wasn't long before a fan asked how he was doing after everything.
"Well, it's been tough, that's for sure," Jared laughed lightly, "But I had Jensen and Danneel and all of you," he paused to smile as they cheered and clapped for him.
"Y/N has been a big part of that too," Jensen chimed in with a nod, "Our little family's own guardian angel."
"She's a huge part of it," Jared agreed, "She pulled me and my kids from the wreckage. We're all still alive because of her," he wiped a stray tear as Jensen patted him on the back reassuringly, "And she's been my best friend every step through this."
"She was in the other car," Jensen explained to gasps from the crowd, "She lost her husband too. Yet, she still managed to keep us all strong and going."
"She actually encouraged me with AKF and getting back to work and conventions." Everyone cheered and Jared was grateful for the support. The fans backed him completely and it only made him feel more blessed.
They continued through the panel and before long, they were backstage, ready to wrap up the event.
"You look ready to get home," Jensen teased with a laugh.
"I miss the kids," Jared admitted with a sigh. Though he facetimed with them regularly, it just wasn't the same.
"Mmhmm," Jensen smirked, "And it's got nothing to do with the new girlfriend waiting at home?"
Jared grinned despite himself, "Yeah, I miss her too."
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Y/N sat in one of the chairs of the circle. She looked around at the empty chairs and took a deep breath. It had been a while since she'd been back to the hospital or the meetings, but this time was different.
Several people started filing in and taking their seats. Y/N sipped on the cheap cup of coffee as she waiting for everyone to get settled. She took a deep breath and let it out slowly before opening her eyes and smiling at the group.
"Hello," she greeted, "My name is Y/N Y/L/N and I am a grief counselor here at the hospital."
It had taken so much for her to get through her own pain and issues. Now that she was healing, she wanted to be there for others, like she had been for Jared. Like he had been for her.
"I've actually been in this group before," she stated, "So I understand where you're coming from. When I first came here, I didn't want to be here. But I needed it."
"Having a support system is so very important. But it also helps to have friends and acquaintances outside of your normal life that you can talk and share with."
"It's not an easy road," she sighed and shook her head, "And there's no set time frame for how long it takes you to heal. You heal in your own way and at your own pace. Don't let others set timetables for you. Just keep moving forward, everyday."
She went around the room, allowing each person to introduce themselves if they saw fit. Some did, some did not. As she looked around the room, there were all new faces. But the familiarity of their grief, their pain, their struggle. They were the same.
When she had decided to go to the hospital and talk to Mrs. Warren, her own grief counselor, she realized she wanted to help others. With the support of Jared and the others, she enrolled in a class to become a counselor.
Although she was nervous, and a part of her was trying to climb back into her trauma just from being there, she pushed on. She needed to focus on building a life, doing something other than wallowing. The thought of helping others made her heart sing with purpose.
Sharing your grief and guilt can be so very hard. Whether with family or a room full of strangers. It's easy to feel like others don't understand or don't care. It's easy to be blinded by the grief and let it consume all that you are.
Fighting is hard. Getting up every day and putting one foot in front of the other is hard. Especially when your grief feels like a ton of bricks on your shoulders holding you down. But it can be done. She was proof of that. So she would pass her healing onto others.
After her spa weekend with Dani, Y/N spent all night staying up with Jared as they lay in bed and talk. She told him about her revelations, what happened with Sara, and how she felt about it all.
Jared was so proud, congratulating her and making her revelations a huge deal. She tried to play it down, but Jared wouldn't let her.
"Jay and Dani said we should celebrate progress."
It was then that she kissed him. Not the sweet, chaste kisses to which they'd become accustomed. No, she kissed him with a passion that made his heart jump.
They made love that night, in the bed they'd shared every night for so long now. Jared had begged her to be his, to be with him for real and completely.
This time, it was easy for her to say yes.
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Y/N smiled to herself as she walked through the peaceful cemetery. The warm sun shone down on her. It had been a while since she'd been here. There was usually a sense of dread and guilt and foreboding weighing down on her with every step.
Now, her steps felt lighter. The air felt fresh. The quiet and tranquil memorial park no longer hurt. Now, it welcomed her, to visit those that had passed and pay her respects.
She stopped in front of a large headstone, knelt down to place flowers on the grave and remove the old, dried ones.
"Sorry it's been a while," she said with a small smile, "I've been busy lately. I started as a counselor if you can believe that," she laughed, "I think you'd be proud."
"Liam is doing well too. He's making friends, doing great in school, growing like a weed," she chuckled, "I see so much of you in him sometimes."
She grinned and stood, placing a hand on top of the headstone, "We're gonna be okay," she promised. She glanced over the engravings on the stone, letting her fingers run over his name, Brian.
She turned to leave, starting her slow trek back towards her car. She suddenly stopped, turning her head towards the other grave she knew across the way. She bit her lip, before walking over and stopping in front of the other headstone.
"Hey Gen," she smiled politely. She had so much she wanted to say. She wanted to tell her she forgave herself. She wanted to tell her how amazing her friends and family are and how lucky she feels to be a part of their lives. She wanted to tell her how much she adores her children. How she would go mother bear in an instant over them. She wanted to tell her that she wished there was more she could have done, but she knew she did all she could.
Instead, she hoped Gen knew all of that. That may be someway, she could see her, see all of them. So she made a promise instead.
"I'll take care of them. All of them. I'll do my very best to keep the pain away and soothe it when it's there. I'll be there. I promise."
It was a big thing for her. A promise to stay. A promise to care for them. A promise to care for herself so she could care for them.
But she would try, every day, to live up to it.
Sometimes grief can be a long and arduous journey. But as long as you keep moving forward, keep working through it, one day you'll find yourself healed.
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Forevers:
@sis-tafics
@lyarr24
@calaofnoldor
@hobby27
@spnbaby-67
RPF:
@smoothdogsgirl
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waywardfangirl · 4 years ago
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I was incredibly fortunate to get to write for the wonderful @fight-surrender in the Carry On Secret Snowflake exchange, and she gave some of the best prompts I've seen. I ended up choosing to write a meet-cute (a meet-ugly, really) that takes place on the beach and centers around Simon's new fixation on the supposed dangers lurking below the waves.
I have to give a giant thank you to @foolofabookwyrm and @caitybuglove23 for being excellent betas, cheerleaders, and for helping me get the fic formatted and posted when my computer stopped working - you guys are the best! 💜💜💜
You can read the fic below, or on AO3!
Simon
 
I've always wanted to go to the beach. Growing up in care, I never had the opportunity to, but now that Penny and I are done with university and enjoying weekends without the threat of homework hanging over our heads, I finally can. Of course, we don't live close to the beach, so our day trip took some planning, but it gave me time to look up all the best places to eat, and it gave Penny time to watch every possible documentary about the ocean. I watched a lot of them with her, and while I know I probably won't see all of the tropical fish that swam across our TV screen, I'm still really excited to see the ocean. 
 
Unfortunately, I also happened to be in the room while Penny watched some show called “Predators from the Deep”, or something along those lines, so my excitement is also tinged with trepidation (or outright fear) of some of the things lurking under the waves.
“Sharks aren’t anything to worry about, Simon! They don’t want to attack you, and the likelihood of even seeing a shark here is extremely low.”
 
“It’s not the sharks I’m worried about, Pen! It’s all of the other stuff, all those little parasites, and the poisonous things, and the spiny ones.” The documentary was filled with shadowy shots of spiked balls and spotted tentacles just waiting to attack some unsuspecting wader.
 
“Don’t eat any of it then,” she replies, hardly even paying attention to me as she smooths out her blanket and sets up the umbrella.
 
“What?”
 
“You said you were worried about the poisonous things, so just don’t eat anything you find in the ocean.”
 
“They can hurt me even if I don’t eat them! What about that one octopus?”
 
“That was venomous, not poisonous, there’s a difference.” She squirts sunscreen into her palms and then slaps them lightly onto my cheeks, not allowing me time to squirm away.
 
“Whatever, venomous then, there are still things to be scared of in there!”
 
Penny ducks under the arm I have flung out to point at the ocean with, and grabs two waters from our cooler.
 
“You’ll be fine Simon, I promise.” She shoves a bottle into my hands. “Rub in your sun cream, and let’s walk by the edge of the water, alright? You’ll like it, we can find shells!” She starts off, picking her way through the sand and looking back only once to make sure that I’m following her.
 
It turns out that the water feels quite nice, even soothing. The sounds of the waves and the feel of cool water splashing my ankles combine to make me feel safe. They make me forget about the horrors lurking off-shore.
Penny has a handful of shells and has started handing me others to put in the pocket of my swim shorts. I’ve found a few shells of my own too, but I stopped paying such close attention to the ground about ten minutes ago, when I noticed a man about our own age playing in the waves with his younger siblings.
 
He has dark hair, originally falling around his face but now wet with seawater and slicked back to emphasize his widow’s peak. He’s still too far away for me to tell what color his eyes are, but as Penny and I walk closer I’m able to make out more of his facial expressions. He seems to be putting on sneers for show and occasionally gives bright smiles for the younger kids swarming him. He’s wearing one of those long-sleeved swim shirts, but it’s clinging tight to his body. He looks like he could be a footballer with all of the muscles I can see, even at this distance.
 
I’ve been trying not to stare too openly at him, but I can’t really help it - there’s just something about him that keeps drawing me in.It’s almost as if I’m under some sort of spell or thrall. Right now though, I’m extremely glad I’ve been so captivated by him, because I seem to be the only person on the beach who realizes the danger we’re all in.
 
Curling around the man’s left ankle are the tentacles of an octopus, surely about to stick its fangs into him and inject him with its venom (or whatever it is octopuses do to kill people).
 
"Octopus!" I yell. I’m at a loss for any other words, but I’m desperately trying to warn Penny as I sprint off to rescue him.
 
"Ooh, where?" She doesn't sound nearly concerned enough for the looming threat of death hanging over us all, but I'll talk to her about taking proper safety precautions later. Right now, I have to go save the life of the prettiest person I've ever seen.
 
"Octopus! Octopus!" I can't seem to make any other phrases come out of my mouth, but eventually the man looks up to see me barreling towards him, flailing my arms and yelling at the top of my lungs. He raises an eyebrow at me, staying far too calm considering the mortal peril he's in, and glances behind him to see who else I could possibly be talking to.
 
Unfortunately, that means he's not paying attention enough to sidestep me when the combination of my momentum and adrenalin send me toppling into him. We both splash down into the small waves lapping at the sand and I scramble to extricate myself from his long limbs as quickly as possible, crawling down to examine his ankles and prepared to risk my own life if I have to pull the octopus off of him.
 
"What are you doing? " His voice is lovely and posh, the vowels round and smooth and expensive.
 
"Saving your life, mate, you're welcome by the way," I grunt as I make another unsuccessful grab for the tentacles.
 
"From what? All you've done so far is endanger me, pushing me down and holding me in the water." He pauses. "If this is your attempt at murder by drowning, I think I pity you. First, you caused a scene by yelling the whole way down the beach before you assaulted me, and now you're not even bothering to hold my head under this truly pathetic amount of water. You're an absolute disaster."
 
"I told you—" (why are these tentacles so hard to grab,) "I'm not trying to kill you, I'm trying to save you."
 
"Save me from what, exactly?"
 
Ha! I've got you now, evil cephalopod!
 
"This!"
 
I hold the octopus up in triumph, feeling the water drip onto my sodden hair.
 
"From… a clump of seaweed?"
 
"What? No. No, it's an octopus."
 
Slowly, I lower the mass in my hand down to eye level, and immediately I feel my cheeks flame in embarrassment.
 
"Oh. Right. Sorry, then."
 
I try to push back from him and stand up, but my hand won't release the seaweed (it really did look like an octopus!). When I try to move a wave hits me, washing the sand out from under my foot and making me flounder for a few moments, only compounding my embarrassment. When I finally look up at the man I accidentally assaulted, he seems entirely unbothered by anything. He's lounging back on his elbows, somehow managing to look down his nose at me even though I'm sitting up fully now, and it's simply unfair how defined his abs are, even under his shirt.
 
"Do you make a habit of doing things like this?"
 
His eyes are too intense for me to look at any longer, they're a grey color that seems to be shifting to reflect the ocean behind me, and I have to busy myself with peeling the green fronds of seaweed away from my fingers.
 
"Like what?"
 
"Attacking strangers or playing the hero, take your pick."
 
"Sorry. I thought it was an octopus and I didn't want you to die," I mumble. This prick should be grateful, where does he get off being so smug anyway?
 
"Why on earth would I have died from an octopus touching me?"
 
"Because they're one of the most deadly creatures on earth!"
 
"What? No they're not. Not the ones around here, anyway. The blue ringed octopus is incredibly deadly, but it lives in the Pacific Ocean."
 
"But, couldn't they-"
 
He levels me with a look that could probably set me on fire.
 
"Mordelia!" One of the children comes running over from where they fled when I tackled their brother. She looks to be about twelve or thirteen, and while she isn't quite as dark and villainous looking as her brother she still has his same air of superiority. "Does this gentleman need to be worried about being attacked, maimed, or killed by any octopuses while swimming today?"
 
This kid - Mordelia, I guess - levels me with the most condescending look I have ever seen, and just scoffs . Actually scoffs at me, like I'm an imbecile. (Although, I still have seaweed stuck to me, so she may be onto something there.)
 
"No. Most accounts of cephalopod attacks can't be proven, and the few that have been entirely substantiated occurred in vastly different habitats or under circumstances that this beach couldn't support."
 
With that, she turns and runs back to the rest of her family, leaving me with only a parting eye roll.
 
"She's going through a marine biology phase."
 
It's the first thing the dark haired man has said to me in a casual manner, and I startle a bit. 
 
"Did you also have a marine biology phase?"
 
I think my question catches him off-guard, and I smirk.
 
"Perhaps," he answers after a beat. "But Mordelia's has been going on for three years now, so we think it may actually stick. Mine dried up after only a few months."
 
He smiles at me for the first time since I knocked him over, and it's almost painful how handsome he is, sprawled out elegantly on the beach like he's in an ad for expensive watches or cologne or something, and I can't believe I tackled him because of some stupid seaweed.
 
"I had a dinosaur phase," I confess, smiling back at him.
 
"Why doesn't that surprise me?" I reach down to help him up, and I'm shocked at how cold his fingers are, and how much I want to warm them up in my own. It's too bad I made such a horrible first impression, I would otherwise be sorely tempted to ask him out on a date. "What's your name, by the way? You've already attacked me, had we been in cars we would have exchanged names and proofs of insurance by now."
 
I’m such a mess. I didn't even think to ask what his name was.
 
"Simon. I'm Simon."
 
I go to shake his hand, and then realize that we're still holding hands, and I feel my cheeks grow redder still.
 
"Hello Simon, I'm Baz. It's nice to meet you, although the next time we meet I sincerely hope you can refrain from throwing yourself quite so bodily at me before we've even said hello."
 
"Yeah, umm, I'm sorry, really, I-" My brain catches up with my mouth. "Wait, did you say next time? "
 
His mouth curls up into a grin, and he gives my hand a squeeze as I try to figure out how I messed up so badly and things still worked out so well.
 
"Of course. For our first date, perhaps we can go to the aquarium and you can see what an octopus really looks like."
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milkmateartist · 4 years ago
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HEAVENS Black Garden English Translation 【 Shion's Route Pt. 1 】
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[ — I do not own Black Garden, HEAVENS, Utapri, or any of the characters. This is a fan translation using a combination of google translate and my own japanese knowledge — ]
// Translated by MilkmateArtist
-------------------------------------------------
▽ You
"There he is ..."
I didn't ask for his name, but I quickly realized it was Simon.
He was leaning against a big tree, sleeping comfortably.
▽ You
"Simon, please wake up."
It hurt me a bit to wake him up so soon, but I shook his shoulders lightly.
▽ Simon
"Hmm……".
His eyes opened slowly.
▽ You
"It's nice to meet you."
▽ Simon
"A stranger ……! !! "
"The moment he recognized me he backed away looking at me with fear in his eyes.
▽ You
"I'm ( ___ ). I received a letter and came here."
▽ Simon
"You are ... a relative of the Lord."
▽ You
"I'm sorry I woke you up. Eric and I were looking for you, you see."
▽ Simon
"I see. I guess it took a while...."
Simon stood up and bowed.
▽ You
"What were you doing at the edge of the garden?"
Spending so much time with Eric, he must worried about me being in an unfindable place.
▽ Simon
"I was looking for a bird ... The blue bird cherished by the Lord has escaped. It's still young, so I'm worried..."
Simon's sad expression suggested he cherished the bird as well.
▽ Simon
"Looking for it exhausted me, so I thought I'd rest."
He must have searched pretty frantically if he had to rest like that.
I wondered what to do.
(A) Wait for its return in the garden
(B) Go back to the mansion for a bit
(C) Look for it together
(A) Wait for it's return in the garden
▽ You
"Let's wait for the little bird to come back to the garden."
I thought it would be better to be near the garden.
A small bird wouldn't have been able to fly that far.
▽ Simon
"Oh, that's a good idea. Would you wait there with me?"
▽ You
"Yes!"
We decided to sit under a tree and wait.
…………. ……………………. ……………………………….
Despite waiting a long time, there was no indication of the little bird's return..
▽ Simon
"It will be too late after dark so ... Let's go find it."
▽ You
"I agree."
I also obeyed Simon, who stood up anxiously.
(B) Go back to the mansion for a bit
▽ You
"Would you like to return to the mansion for a bit?"
He must have been looking for it before I came here. If he couldn't find it then, then it might be unlikely that we would find it now.
▽ You
"I'm sure it will be back soon."
That said, Simon's complexion changed.
▽ Simon
"You're sure……? Even though I'm not... If the Lord were to find out .."
There was a ghastly look on his now pale face.
▽ Simon
"Although, even if it is just a bird in this situation, for me it is irreplaceable."
▽ You
"I'm sorry. It doesn't mean that your intention ..".
▽ Simon
"It's fine. I'll search on my own."
Then he ran into the forest.
▽ You
"Please wait!"
I followed, but I lost sight of Simon. Not only that, I didn't even know how to get back.
I wandered aimlessly until completely all my strength was gone. My life was cut short in that forest.
BAD END
(C) Let's find it together
▽ You
"Let's find it together! Please let me help too."
Seeing Simons depressed expression, I couldn't help but say that.
▽ Simon
"...... Is that alright? That's encouraging. You're a kind one ( ___ ). "
Simon smiled happily.
▽ You
"Well, that's ... That's because you conveyed your feelings to me Simon."
▽ Simon
"I think I'll get along with you. Thank you for your warm consideration."
▽ You
"We'll definitely find it!"
We went back to the garden and looked for Eric, but there was no sight of him.
I wanted to report that Simon was found, but feeling the search for the little bird was the top priority, and we returned to the forest.
▽ You
"What kind of work do you do here in the mansion?"
I thought that having a conversation would make him feel better, so I tried asking a question I was curious about.
▽ Simon
"I take care of the animals that the Lord has brought back from all over the world."
▽ You
"That's pretty sweet. It's probably really hard though."
▽ Simon
"Yeah…… All of them are unique and adorable. If you treat them well they return the favor."
His shining eyes and passionate words conveyed his honest feelings.
▽ Simon
"It was in my care as well. That bird ... However, the door of the cage was broken."
▽ Simon
"I want to find it soon. I'm sure it's trembling from loneliness."
▽ You
"…… But we've come a long way."
A steep slope continued in front of me.
▽ Simon
"This is called Jigokuzaka ... It's that tough of a trail."
▽ You
"Jigokuzaka……. That sounds intense."
▽ Simon
"There is a hill with a good view at the end of the climb. I wonder if the bird would prefer such a high place.."
We looked at each other and made up our minds.
▽ Hugo
"What are you guys doing here?"
▽ You
"Hugo!"
Suddenly, he emerged from the bush behind him. He always seemed to be coming out of nowhere.
▽ Simon
"What a good time.. Will you take us to the top of this slope?"
▽ Hugo
"Oh, that's easy. Well, let's go."
▽ You
"Huh ...! ??"
Just like that, Simon and I were easily carried on both of Hugo's shoulders as he started running on the slope.
▽ You
"Aren't we heavy? I can walk on our own, so please let me down.. "
▽ Hugo
"No problem at all. This is far easier than my usual training."
I wondered what he usually did... I was curious about Hugo's daily life.
▽ Hugo
"More importantly, it would be bad if Simon collapsed. He doesn't have the strength."
We couldn't find the bird after we got to the top. After we were done searching, Hugo took us on his shoulders again and climbed down.
▽ Simon
"Thank you Hugo ... I'm grateful."
▽ Hugo
"Don`t worry. Well, I'm in the middle of patrolling, so I'm gonna head out."
Then Hugo disappeared into the bush again.
▽ Simon
"Next, let's look around the building. I had it in it's cage when we went on walks."
Relying on memory, we searched the area where it might return to.
▽ You
"……! !!"
Suddenly something glazed in front of me.
Looking at where the noise came from, I saw a sword stuck in the wall. Overwhelmed, I fell to my knees.
▽ Keith
"During training ... it slipped from ... my hand. I'm sorry. Are you hurt ...?"
Keith ran up to me while I was on the ground, reaching a hand out. .
▽ You
"I'm okay. A bit surprised but..."
It's scary to think that it would have hit me should the timing have not been a little off.
▽ Simon
"Keith is burdened by his role as guard... Training is necessary. Please forgive him."
▽ You
"Don't worry about it.. Nothing happened after all. More importantly, did you see a bluebird at all, Keith?"
I wanted information on any clues.
▽ Keith
"I have not ... You might find if you... get some bait ...from Eric ..."
▽ You
"That's a good idea!"
We went around the hall to find Eric.
▽ You
"There he is!"
Eric was looking for something in the wine cellar.
▽ Eric
"Ah……! Simon, you found me."
Seeming to be in a hurry, he put the vial he had in his hand in his pocket.
▽ Eric
"I was looking for wine to cook for dinner."
Although I felt something was wrong, the search for the small bird came first.
When we explained the situation, Eric gave us some bread crumbs.
▽ You
"We should definitely be able to find it with this."
▽ Simon
"I hope that will happen. Above all, it must be hungry. If we don't find it soon ..."
We headed out of the mansion again.
When we got out of the front door, we encountered Mika.
▽ Simon
"Mika, what good timing. Would you help me look for a bird?
▽ Mika
"Nope, as much as I would like to. I have to go to deliver letters from here on out."
▽ Simon
"If it's official orders then ... it can't be helped. That's a shame."
▽ Mika
"Jeez, are you really that depressed?!"
▽ Simon
"Your observation skills are keen and are very clever. Without your help I can't manage to motivate myself.
▽ Mika
"I guess that's so but ... That's it! Why don't you ask Virgil? I'm sure he's "free" at this time."
We found Virgil where Mika had told us he should be.
He was humming some song in a relaxed manner.
▽ You
"It's just as Mika said."
▽ Simon
"It seems so.. Virgil is skipping out while on duty."
▽ You
"Um ... I'm sorry to interrupt your break"
▽ Virgil
"Wha! What's that, are you implying I'm slacking off !??"
Surprised at our appearance, he jumped up, corrected his posture.
▽ Simon
"We're looking for a blue bird ..."
▽ Virgil
"That sounds grand! I'll help too! In exchange, can you keep what you saw before a secret?"
▽ Simon
"Okay, I won't tell the Lord. Then, do you have a plan?"
▽ Virgil
"It's darkest under the lamppost. The answer might be closer than we thought?"
Virgil looked outside the mansion while we decided to look inside the mansion.
▽ Simon
"It may have returned to the place it normally is."
With the idea in his head, Simon seemed to be walking with a purpose.
▽ Abel
"Where are you going in such a hurry?"
Abel called us and we stopped.
▽ You
"We're looking for a little bird that Simon is taking care of."
▽ Abel
"I see. I hope I can find it by dinner. You can't find it when it gets dark. "
▽ Simon
"…………."
To be honest, there was no guarantee that it would be found. Finding a bird that can fly around freely is a difficult task.
Perhaps he felt that, Simon closed his mouth.
▽ Abel
"Simon. ...... Believe, and give strength to your wish."
Abel grabs Simon's shoulder and speaks to inspire him.
▽ Abel
"Feelings surpass everything. Make the impossible possible!
The strong words touched our hearts like a spell.
We stopped in front of a room and opened the door.
Only an empty birdcage was there.
Let's give up already
I will do something
Be speechless
(A) Let's give up already
▽ You
"Let's give up already. It's impossible to find an escaped bird".
It's painful, but sometimes you have to face the reality.
▽ Simon
"No, that's not true……! There is no way I can give up"
His voice changed like he was a different person.
▽ Simon
"What do you know! This sadness, this pain ... "
My shoulders were strongly grasped and violently shaken.
▽ You
"Kya ……! !!"
I couldn't help but lose my balance to the momentum.
I hit my head hard on the desk holding the birdcage and fell to the floor.
A burning pain spread through my head. I couldn't even say a word, and it was pitch black in front of me.
I felt like I heard an eerie laugh in my consciousness.
BAD END
(B) I will do something
▽ ▽ You
I'll do something about it!
Before I noticed, the words had come out.. I didn't want to see Simon's sad face.
▽ Simon
"Really……?"
I didn't have a concrete solution, but if I didn't put my feelings forward then our hopes would be lost.
▽ You
"Yes……. I promise."
▽ Simon
"The power of Kotodama is strong. I wonder if your feelings will cause a miracle to happen."
When he spoke, he gently took my hand and smiled happily.
(C) (Be speechless)
▽ You
"…………."
I had no words.. I was overwhelmed by the hopeless reality.
▽ Simon
"It's only when you lose something that you realize its importance..."
Simon's sadness was immeasurable. The expression of despair was unbearable to see.
▽ You
"I will do whatever I can. So please ..."
I muttered, praying to heaven.
CONTINUE:
Time passed mercilessly, and the night fell.
Waiting for the morning to come, I vowed to search again and went to sleep.
----------------------------------------
Go to Black Garden English Translation Directory here for more routes.
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nova-is-a-writer-now · 4 years ago
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•Lillies and daisies• Pt. 1
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Prologue
Summary: Billy ends up stuck with a girl who stumbled into his place one night only to faint right after, when she wakes up she remembers nothing about herself or her life, now it’s up to billy to help her figure out what comes next.
A/N: After literally forever im back. I’m really excited about this story and maybe it’s starting to make some type of sense? I haven’t figured out the name thing yet butttt I’m sure I’m keeping the first person narrative. Let me know what you think
Warnings: Angst?, language, mentions of amnesia.
[[MORE]]
I was starting to wake up, and as soon as I took a deep breath, I knew something was missing. I didn't know what but it felt like a void.
I opened my eyes and saw white curtains hiding a bright sky.
Wait a second...  where am I?
This wasn't my room, in fact, I didn't remember what my room was like, but this wasn't it. 
Drowned on my thoughts, I slowly started realizing that my room wasn't the only thing I couldn't remember. My house, my family, my friends, myself, I couldn't even remember my name. I could barely notice that what I was wearing wasn't mine, merely because the t-shirt with "Pink Floyd" written on it was at least three sizes bigger.
It would be an understatement to say I was freaked out. I started breathing heavily and my eyes started getting watery, it felt like my head was soon going to implode from how fast my train of thought was going, it almost made me feel dizzy.
Before I could panic any longer, someone opened the door. A guy, with the bluest of eyes i’ve ever seen, probably due to my state. If I would have been in another situation, I probably would have... well, I don't know. I didn't remember what I would have done.
"So, sleeping beauty is awake. How was your nap, princess?" The guy said closing the door and coming closer to me.
Out of fear i hugged my legs to my chest sliding away from him "Who are you?" I asked, feeling how my voice cracked. Even my voice felt unfamiliar.
He seemed to have taken the hint and stayed right where he was standing. "Well, that's what I'm asking you". I could see the muscles of his arms tense while he crossed them.
"What do you mean? This is your house isn't it?" The amount of questions I had on my head were making me even more dizzy than before.
" Yeah, house you ran into without invitation last night,only to pass out right after." I was about to tell him I wasn't in a mood for jokes, but I could tell how serious he was, his eyes were darker than they had been seconds ago, and they seemed to be lightly tinted with concern.
"Sorry, I-I did what?"
"So you were that drunk huh?" I, for a second, thought he was as confused as me, but his face was so expressionless, I just couldn't tell.
"What? No... I mean I-I don't know"
"Right... Lets start with easier questions, princess. What's your name." I closed my eyes, I tried to remember as hard as I could but nothing came to my mind. "It's not that hard"
" I'm... i-i... I'm sorry, i can't remember." A single tear rolled down my cheek, while I pronounced those words.
" Shit" i heard him whisper "Do you remember where you live?" I shook my head silently " Do you remember anyone you know?" No, again.
" What's happening to me?" I said so low he almost couldn't hear it.
“Im no expert but i think you have amnesia, let me check your head.” he waited a couple seconds until he was sure i wouldn’t freak out if he came any closer, then he walked to the opposite side of the bed and sat behind me. His hands delicately started parting my hair and pressing softly. Nothing hurt until he got to the lower back of my head, as soon as his fingers touched that area i felt a pulsating pain so strong i had to hold my breath.
He quickly removed his hands apologizing for the pain. “It looks like you took a pretty rough hit here, i think there’s blood too but i’m not sure. I’m gonna bring you some ice, that might help with the pain.”
I heard his steps behind me and soon enough i saw him walk out of the room leaving the door open. When i looked behind me i noticed the pillow had some specs blood on it as well, not enough to get worried but it was still there. Not long after he was back with a pack of ice wrapped around a towel, he handed it to me and i carefully placed it on the wounded area.
I exhaled heavily trying to put all the pieces together. The fact that I didn't know where I was, who this guy was, who I was, and most importantly, where I came from. I believe neither of us knew what to say on a situation like this so we just stayed silent for a couple minutes.
He was the one to break the silence "Look, I gotta go out for a couple hours. You can spend the night here if you want, I don't mind." He started to pick up some stuff from the night table. As almost every other piece of furniture on the room, it was a medium light brown with an old looking vibe.
"Thank you so much, but I don't think it's reasonable to stay in a strangers house." I looked down and started playing with my fingers. For some reason the way he looked at me made me feel really nervous and I was afraid I wouldn't be able to make a coherent sentence with his eyes looking into mine. "I'll get out of here as soon as I can, don't worry."
He stood there for a couple seconds just analyzing me, and then said:
"I'm Billy, I love music and I work at the record store. Lucky for you we are not strangers anymore." He winked at me and then walked out of the room.
I sat there with a racing heart and a racing mind, feeling all types of ways and absolutely nothing at the same time. Nothing made sense, i was confused and scared, and i didn’t know how i was gonna get myself out of this one.
I heard what I thought was the front door closing and I decided to stand up and go look for a bathroom. That didn't take me long because it happened to be inside his room following a walk-in closet, where I found some clothes that I supposed were mine, and if they weren't I was going to wear them anyways.
I walked in, and as soon as I looked at myself in the mirror, I felt shame tinting my cheeks a light pink. My makeup was completely fucked, I had worryingly big under eye bags, and my lips where pail and swollen for some reason.
-------------------------------------------------------
While washing my hair I noticed something interesting. The smell of the shampoo almost made me feel like normal again, it felt like something i’d felt before. I thought it was so ironic I found this stranger's hygiene product more personal and close to me than my own face. I didn't think anything else of it.
Half an hour later, i was putting on a coat that seemed somewhat my size. Billy must have had a girlfriend I didn't know about, a roommate or a sister, I don't know, but I was sure that coat wasn't his. I felt bad taking it without permission, but in my defense it was fall, which I figured because of the browny-orange trees outside of curly guy's window, and that meant it was gonna be windy and cold.
Before getting out of there I looked around. Something made me feel warm about his house, it looked rustic, everything was brown or warm toned, which matched perfectly with the season outside. I wondered if that was intentional.
On my way out I closed the door and spent a solid minute trying to decide if I should go right or left. It wouldn't have mattered anyway, I would have been lost either way, but a small dandelion seed flew right in from of my face, dancing with the wind going east, making the choice for me.
Just when I couldn't see the apartment behind me anymore, I realized how screwed i was, why did i think it was a good idea to walk out of the apartment in the first place? God, i didn't even knew which city I was in. I was starving and had no money to buy anything, or so I thought until I slipped my hand inside the coat to get it a little bit warmer, and I felt a handful of bills there. Lucky for me it was a ten dollar bill and two dollar bills, it wasn’t much but it could save me from starvation.
I started looking around for a place to eat from where I was standing and not far I saw something that seemed like a coffee shop. Without a second thought i walked in that direction feeling my stomach growl every time louder.
The smell of warm bread and coffee that smacked my face as I opened the door was glorious. I closed my eyes and smiled before walking to one of the empty tables and sitting on one of the dark wood tables closer to the window.
I was so distracted looking at the place, I didn't even noticed when one of the girls that worked there walked to my table and started talking to me. "Good morning and welcome to Harvey's, can I help you with your order?" She was looking at me with a bright smile on her face.
"I... umm..." what do people ordered on this type of places? My cheeks started to blush once again. "I want whatever the hell smells so good. What is it?"
" Oh, is a combination of our fresh bread and season special Hot cinnamon chocolate, should I bring you that?" The girl said on a sweet whisper, that made her British accent a little bit more obvious. British accent... did that mean i was in England? But then again Billy didn’t have an accent, which made me even more confused.
"Please" I smiled back, letting myself pick a little on the contagious happiness she expelled
I ran out of things to analyze moments later, so my mind went back to to everything that was wrong with me and my life.
It felt so terrible to be alone, and in the most literal possible way, I was. And then I started thinking if it was all my fault. Was I so bad that all the people and memories decided to run away from me? It sounded so dumb but in that vulnerable moment that’s what it felt like.
It was almost as if there was a void inside me and every thought was making it bigger and wider, which made me feel like if I was standing at the edge, like if at any moment I was gonna fall.
Tears slowly started to run down my cheeks, i almost didn’t notice them until one dropped to my hand placed on top of the table.
"Oh love" I heard the waitress next to me, gently rubbing my shoulder and then sitting in front of me. "Are you ok? Here, take a sip of your chocolate" I did as she told me, and took the napkin she had brought to wipe my eyes dry.
"I'm ok, just a little overwhelmed... that's all"
"Do you want to talk about it? The place doesn’t get busy until 10:30 so i’ve got a couple minutes free."
I really wanted to, so bad, and I couldn’t find a reason not to, why would I care when she was a stranger, just like everybody else? So, I told her everything, from the moment that I opened my eyes a couple hours before, until I walked into that place. And she listened, with that a sad look on her eyes that made them look a little more green “I’m so sorry, you must feel terrible. I wish I could help more, but all I can do right now is help you call Billy ."
“Do you know him?” I asked confused as i wiped my tears once again.
" Of course i know him, he’s pretty well known around here, specially by the girls. Such a pain in the ass but he’s a good guy. You got lucky there, you could’ve picked a creep’s house to break into and that would’ve been an issue.” she chuckled a little in hopes of lifting up the mood a bit.
" I... don't think calling him is such a good idea. Look, he has been very kind to help me and let me stay at his place last night, but for what I hear, he must have other people to welcome there, and I don't want to bother anyone. I’ll crash there tonight and i’ll figure something out tomorrow” i wanted to believe that so bad, maybe if i kept repeating it to myself it would come true
"I’m sorry, did you say he offered his place for tonight?" she said changing the sad expression on her face for an annoyed one. I nodded a little confused. “He did take you to the hospital, didn’t he?”
“No, he seemed really hurried to get out this morning, besides i’m fine, my head is hurting a lot less now.” that didn’t seem to relief her a single bit but before she got to say anything else, her eyes looked right behind me with surprise and I could only imagine who it was.
My heart dropped and unconsciously, I stopped breathing as soon as I heard his voice.
"Speaking of the devil” she said looking right at him, i still didn’t turn around, for some reason i felt he would be angry at me for leaving his place.
"I see you already met my guest, Mikie” he said in a relaxed tone. "I told you to stay at the apartment, you could’ve gotten lost." that was now directed to me, so i turned around to look at him.
Before i could reply, Mikie stood up from her place and said “She was starving dumbass, god knows how long it has been since she last ate something and you didn’t even think of offering her anything?” he didn’t reply, i guess he was as shocked by the situation as i was and the thought hadn’t crossed his mind. “I need a word with you out side” that last part wasn’t a question, Mikie walked through the door and when Billy didn’t move, she yelled “Now Hargrove!”
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punkrockmads · 4 years ago
Text
Dandelions And Broken Glass
So, this isn't an Abby x Reader fic... this is a story tailored specifically to my personality and it's very important to me. I've been hesitant to post it but, yeah. Here it is!
Light. Flickers of white light fill the darkness. I think of them as tiny fairies flitting about, inviting me back into the cruel reality of life. The warm welcome becomes one of agony when I feel a searing pain in my right side. Slowly, my eyes open. A woman leans over me, moving a flashlight left to right, trying to see if my eyes will dilate. If I'm still alive.
The woman looks down at me with a soft smile, turning off the flashlight with a click and setting it down. Her skin is pale and wrinkled with age, her brown hair slowly graying. She has on a white lab coat. Doctor? Am I in a hospital? No, hospitals don't exist anymore. Not after the outbreak started years ago.
"Glad to see you awake." Her voice is soft; friendly. I'm not used to being near friendly people. "Do you remember what happened?" I shake my head. I have no fucking clue. "A couple of our people found you passed out and bleeding in an abandoned building. Looked like you took quite a fall. Straight onto a bunch of broken glass." I start to piece things together in my head.
I was looking through an abandoned building for supplies when a group of infected jumped me. I tried to run and one ran at me from behind, shoving me forward off of the landing and straight down to the first floor. I remember the sound of glass crunching underneath me and tearing through my clothes and skin. The infected were still coming so I flipped myself over, shooting as my vision went blurry and blood poured from the gaping wound above my right hipbone. When I had shot the last runner, I felt my body go limp and I blacked out.
"You're lucky a couple of our scavenging team members heard your gunshots. You had only been out for a few minutes when they got to you." The woman's voice pulled me back to the present. "I patched you up the best I could. You'll need to rest for a few days. But you'll be back on your feet in no time."
"Where..." I try to speak but my voice is hoarse and my throat is dry. I swallow and try to clear my throat before speaking, my voice rough but clearer. "Where am I?" I go to sit up but the pain in my side forced me back down onto the bed.
"Catalina Island. Welcome to the Fireflies." I furrow my brows. I had heard the Fireflies were regrouping but I never bought into the rumor. I've been alone for about a year now. I used to travel with my older brother before... before he was gone. We had been in groups before but it always ended with the two of us traveling alone. We were a great team. "Can I ask you your name?" The woman continues to give me a warm smile, attempting to make me feel welcomed but I still feel anxious and out of place.
"Madison." I say, bringing my aching arm up to my face to wipe sweat off of my forehead.
"Well, Madison. I'll let you get some rest. For now, just stay in bed and try to be cautious of your stitches." And with that, the woman leaves my line of sight and I hear a door open and close gently.
'Yeah, fuck that.' I think, trying to sit up again. The pain in my side is almost unbearable but I manage to drag my body up and lean against the cream colored wall behind me. I look around, scanning the room I now realize is a bedroom. Most of the bedrooms are overgrown and destroyed; taken back by nature. But this one is clean and comfortable.
There's a small, dark wooden dresser with a mirror in the corner to my right. It's missing a knob on one of the drawers and the edges of the mirror have gathered a bit of dust but, other than that, it looks untouched. A closet with two white double doors is built into the wall to my left. There's a desk with a chair and a little bookshelf next to it in front of me. The wood is light and slightly faded. A few books are placed on the shelf, the spines worn and tattered. The white bedroom door is open, giving me a view of a hallway and an entryway into what looks like a kitchen. The bed rests in the middle of the room but if it was moved just a bit to the left, I'd be able to see more.
What catches my attention is the window on the right wall. The sun shines through the paper thin, pale pink curtains. The warm white sheets under the navy blue comforter brush against my bare legs as I shift to get out of the bed and that's when I realize I'm only wearing a large grey t shirt, my black underwear and my lilac colored sports bra. I look around, trying to find where the hell my clothes are but I can't spot the jeans or burgundy tank top anywhere.
I panic more when I can't find my backpack, gun or switchblade and realize I'm in an unknown place completely unarmed. I go to search for my things but fall back onto the bed as soon as I try to sit up. I lean myself back against the wall and pull the comforter over my legs, feeling a bit cold. I grit my teeth at the pain in my side and lift the shirt to see a large white bandage with spots of blood seeping through. 'I'm completely fucked. These people could kill me at any minute.' I tell myself. I pull the shirt back down and lean back against the wall, groaning a bit. 'Fuck, brother. What have I gotten myself into?' I feel myself start to panic, heart beginning to pound, breaths becoming quick and shallow.
I'm trying to calm myself down, staring at the covered window when I hear a door open. I turn my head to the door, holding my breath. A young boy walks into the room quietly. He's got short black hair and scars on his face... From the corners of his mouth to his temples... Seraphite. He's carrying a medicine bottle and some water. He sees me looking at him and smiles, nodding at me as a greeting before turning to look back the way he came.
"Abby, she's awake!" 'Abby?' I think. 'Is that the doctor from before?' I hear a woman's voice respond with 'I know.' Boy, was I wrong. A woman walks in behind him, closing the door she had come through. I get one look at her and I feel like my stomach is doing backflips. 'Holy shit, she's beautiful.' Her long, golden hair is pulled back into a braid. Her skin is pale and dotted with freckles. She has more muscle than I could ever dream of gaining. And those eyes... I look away before she can catch me staring.
"Hey," Her voice is smooth and sweet like honey. It makes me look back to her instantly. She's smiling at me. Warm and welcoming. Her smile is pretty. I feel my face heat up a bit but I don't look away from her eyes. "How are you feeling?"
"Like I got stabbed by a lot of glass and woke up with a stranger staring at me." I say with a joking smile. My throat is still a bit scratchy but my voice is back, for the most part. She laughs lightly, arms crossed over her chest. Her laugh sounds like sweet music. Abby and the boy walk into the bedroom, Abby sitting down on the bed beside my right leg, careful not to move me and risk hurting me more. The boy grabs the chair from the desk and pulls it over to sit in front of her. I tense a bit at his presence. I don't have the best history with Seraphites. Abby seems to notice my concern and starts talking to draw my attention back to her.
"I'm Abby and this is Lev." She gestures toward Lev who hands me a bottle of water and sets the pills on the dresser. I nod, giving him a silent thank you.
"I'm Madison." I say, running my index finger along the edge of the plastic bottle cap.
"Cute name." Abby compliments and I feel my face heat up again. The way her light red tank top and blue jeans hugs her strong figure makes it hard for me to not stare but I have to focus on my safety first. "Do people call you Maddy?" I look at her face again, her brown eyes looking straight into my pale blue pair.
"I suppose." I laugh a bit, remembering the nickname from when I was a kid. I take a small sip of the water Lev had given me, immediately grateful for the way it soothed my aching throat.
"Cool." Abby's lips are a soft tinge of pink. I scold myself for admiring her when I should be figuring out what my next move is.
Lev speaks up from beside me. "Why were you alone out there? Do you have any people?" I see Abby give him a stern look, silently scolding him for asking a question like that when I had just woken up. I don't say anything, not because of the question but because I'm in the same room as a Seraphite and he isn't trying to kill me. "I'm sorry." Lev says after a moment of silence. "I didn't mean to bring up any bad memories."
"Oh, no. It's okay, honestly." I say quickly, giving him an assuring smile. "I just... I've never met a Seraphite who hasn't tried to kill me immediately." At that, Lev reaches to touch the scar on his left cheek and for a moment I think I've offended him but he just chuckles.
"I can see why you'd think that but I'm not a Seraphite. Not anymore, at least. Most of the Seraphites are gone." He explains. I relax a bit.
"Thank God for that." I sigh. "I seriously don't need to run into that group ever again."
"That goes for all of us." Abby cuts in, kicking Lev in the ankle lightly. I can see their brother- sister dynamic and it makes me even more sure that Lev is okay. If Abby trusts him, so can I. Abby looks me up and down before meeting my eyes again. I see something flash in her eyes for a split second before it disappears. "You should try to eat something. You've been out for a few days." My eyes widen at that.
"Days?! I thought it had only been a few hours!"
"Time tends to go by quickly when you're passed out." Abby laughs and my stomach fills with butterflies again at the sound. "Hey, Lev?" She turns to the boy. "You okay going down to the cafeteria and grabbing Maddy something?"
"Sure!" Lev grins, standing up and leaving the room. When the door he leaves through closes, Abby looks back to me.
"How are those stitches treating you?" I look to my side, lightly brushing my hand over it through the shirt.
"Could be worse." I shrug. It's better than being infected.
"Mind if I see?" Her question catches me off guard a bit but I don't have anything against it.
"Sure." I say. I lift the right side of the shirt up just to the end of my sports bra, revealing the bandages to Abby. I suddenly feel a bit exposed and what makes it worse is I'm exposed to this drop dead gorgeous girl who is focused on me. I jump slightly in shock when she delicately runs her fingers over the bandages.
"Sorry!" She says, pulling her hand back as though she's touched a hot flame. "I didn't mean to hurt you."
"It's okay. You didn't hurt me." I tell her.
"Okay. I just forget my own strength sometimes." She laughs, blushing a little. She's cute when she's shy. "Makes me regret all the muscle."
"I think you look great." I say with a small burst of confidence. "And that muscle has probably saved your life more than a dozen times so that makes it even better." She laughs louder this time, her embarrassment fading away.
"Well, not to brag but they do come in handy. Y'know, saving lives and all." She moves to flex her arms before moving her focus back to the bandages, pressing on them lightly. I feel my heart rate speed up at the way her muscles tense. Her tough build perfectly compliments her kind personality and soft eyes. 'Oh, Brother. What am I gonna do about this girl?' "So. What Lev asked... how long have you been alone?" I swallow, not sure if I was ready to tell her about everything. I just met her.
"It's been me and my older brother for as long as I can remember. We were a team. Always looking out for each other." I say, the faint image of him being burned alive singed into my mind. "But he's been gone for a year or so now. I've been alone ever since." I choke back tears, refusing to cry.
"I'm sorry to hear that. Sounds like you guys were pretty close." She smiles at me with sympathy, pulling my shirt back down and reaching for my right hand. I let her grab it, feeling her squeeze it gently but firmly. Her hands are warm and soft.
"We were." I let out a breath. "He's gone now, though. So it doesn't matter." When it comes to the memory of my brother, I prefer to shut it out and forget about it. It doesn't stop the nightmares, though. The flames. The yelling that haunts my dreams. The smell of burning flesh.
"I lost my dad when I was fourteen." Abby says and I feel a pang of hurt for her. The fact that she had gone through something like that made me want to protect her from ever feeling that pain again. I have to keep myself from reaching over and hugging her, afraid to overstep my boundaries.
"It took a lot but I managed to get through it." Her tone is calm and almost relieved.
"What a fucked up world we live in, Abby." I say, giving her hand a small squeeze.
"Damn right, Maddy." How could someone be this wonderful? She jumps a little when the door opens and slams shut but doesn't let go of my hand until Lev comes into the bedroom with a small tin can and a plastic spoon. "Thanks, Lev." She says, taking the can and spoon from him. I feel my heart sink a little when her warm hand lets go of mine.
"Mhm," Lev nods, sitting himself cross-legged on the chair. "I thought that might be easier for you to eat." He says to me. I smile at his thoughtfulness.
"Thank you, Lev." I say and I see his smile grow wider. Abby hands me the can and I read the worn label. 'Fruit Cocktail'. I pull on the tab but I don't have enough strength to open the can and my hands are a little shaky. This frustrates me because it shows that my injury did more damage than I thought. "Dammit." I groan.
"Hey, take it easy." Abby says in a soft tone, reaching for the can. I let her take it back. "You got pretty fucked up back there. I'm surprised you were able to sit up on your own." She says with a playful tone, opening the can, grabbing the spoon and sticking it into the container of fruit.
"Alright." I roll my eyes, trying unsuccessfully to hide my grin. "What, are you gonna try to feed me now, too?" Abby chuckles, shifting to sit cross-legged in front of me. I can see Lev shaking his head at us with a smile, playing with the buttons on his coat.
"Try?" Abby snorts playfully. "Use that tone and I'll do more than try."
"Whatever you say." I giggle and I see that flash of emotion in her eyes again. What was it? Why does it feel like I've known her forever? She hands me the can again and I slowly start eating. "So who do I have to thank for saving my life?"
Abby rubs the back of her neck as she looks at me, her grin turning sheepish. A sign of nervousness.
"Us, I guess." Lev answers. "We were the ones who found you."
"Is that why you guys came to check on me? Have you been doing that since I got here?"
"Yeah. Abby carried you back to our truck and got you to the infirmary. She stayed with you while you got patched up but I wasn't allowed in the room so she let me set up the apartment for you." As Lev explains, the urge to hug the two of them, especially Abby, grows stronger. But I don't want to make them uncomfortable.
"Well, thank you." I say to him before looking at Abby. Her shy gaze meets mine and her face heats up a bit. "Thank you both."
It's quiet for a minute as my eyes stay focused on Abby's. She coughs a bit before standing up, patting my knee. "Okay, you need to eat and rest so I won't have to open more cans for you. Those pain meds work great but they'll make you exhausted. I'll come check on you in a bit." I nod, watching as she stretches a bit. "C'mon, Lev." Lev stands up, putting the chair back before following Abby to the door. "See you soon." She smiles at me, nudging Lev toward the front door. I wave at the two of them, already missing their presence.
"You like her, don't you?" I hear Lev ask and my heartbeat speeds up.
"I- ye- okay, go! You're on dish duty tonight!" Their voices fade as they walk away. I want to laugh at Abby's reaction but it fills me with too much joy for me to comprehend. 'She might feel the same!'
Abby was right, those pain meds do make you exhausted, because I fall asleep and by the time I wake up, Abby is back. She's beside me again, brushing a bit of stray hair out of my face with her fingers. She smiles softly at me when she sees me blink away the sleepiness in my eyes.
"Hi." I manage to mumble, taking in the sight of this stunning person in front of me.
"Hi." She responds, quietly. "Did you sleep okay?" I nod, attempting to sit up. Abby notices my struggle and moves to place her hand on my back, gently guiding me forward as though she's afraid she'll break me if she isn't careful. "I brought you some new clothes." She says. "Figured you'd wanna get cleaned up."
"Definitely." I respond with a sigh. "I probably smell like garbage." Abby laughs.
"Nah." She says. "More like blood, sweat and dirt." She teases.
"Oh, wow. Very precise." I joke, laughing with her.
"Well, lucky for you, we have running water." She nudges my right shoulder lightly. Why is she so kind to me? Suddenly, I realize I'm missing something.
"My backpack?" I question, my eyebrows raised in slight worry.
"Oh, right!" Abby stands, leaving the room for a moment and returning with my brown leather backpack. I reach out, silently asking her to hand it to me and she does, sitting back down in her spot. I frantically dig through the bag, seeing my knife, gun and small journal before pulling out a silver chain with a pendant attached. I grip it tightly, letting out a breath of relief as I hold it to my heart. "What is it?" Abby asks, curiously. I show her the pendant.
"It was my brother's." I say, smiling at the small, silver Firefly pendant.
"Your brother was a Firefly?" She asks. I shake my head.
"No. Our father was in Salt Lake before he and my mother decided to leave the group. He and my mom died when I was only a few weeks old. My brother was five. He used to wear it. Hell, he never took the thing off. Said he was gonna join the Fireflies again someday." My smile falters a bit, remembering his shaky hand pressing the pendant into my palm. That was the last time I saw him smile.
"My dad and I were Fireflies." Abby says, knowingly drawing me out of my thoughts. "He was a doctor at St. Mary's." So, our parents probably knew each other.
"Well, I guess you're a Firefly again." I say with a small tinge of happiness.
"Yeah." She chuckles. "And, if you want... you can stay and be a Firefly, too?" It's more of a question than a statement.
I think it over, running my finger along the metal firefly. "I'd like that." I say, nodding at her. I see her eyes brighten and her smile grow a bit, causing mine to grow, too.
"I'm glad." She says, simply. I can tell she's holding back some of her joy but the way she lights up doesn't go unnoticed by me. "C'mon. Let's get you cleaned up." I turn to swing my legs off the bed, letting my feet touch the cold, wooden floor. Abby moves to stand in front of me, bending down a bit to grab my hands. I let her pull me up, my legs shaking a bit. I bite my tongue, trying not to cry out in pain. 'Fuck, my side is killing me!'
"Are you okay?" Abby asks, clearly sensing my discomfort. I grab her forearms, feeling her muscles tense as she helps me stand up straight as carefully as she can. She's a few inches taller than me so I have to look up a bit to meet her eyes. They're filled with worry. The freckles on her face look like little stars. "You want me to carry you?"
"It's okay." I breathe. "I've got this." As much as I want to be held in her strong arms, I have to do everything I can to get my strength back. I begin walking towards the bedroom door, letting Abby move to place her left hand on my lower back for support. I cling to her right arm as she slowly guides me out of the bedroom and into the hallway. I look around, noticing the red front door, the little kitchen with the white, slightly chipped cupboards, the marble counters and oak stools, the living room with the grey couch and matching armchair, the glass coffee table sitting on a small, pale green rug and the medium sized television resting on a black stand. The whole place looks like something out of a catalog I had found while my brother and I were holed up in a store once.
"This way." Abby says quietly, walking me to a white door to the left, just before the front door. She moves her left hand from my back to turn the silver handle and push the door open before quickly placing it back. The bathroom's cold, tile floor makes me shiver slightly as I tread forward carefully. I sit down on the lid of the toilet, only managing with Abby's help, and let out a small groan. I instantly notice how close her face is to mine, cheeks almost touching as she makes sure I'm situated.
She handles me as if I'm a fragile porcelain doll. I feel her hot breath on my face as she lets go and stands up straight. I barely understand her as she asks if I need help getting undressed, too caught up in my thoughts. I just look up and shake my head and she nods, a stunning smile on her face as she turns away to start the shower, giving me as much privacy as she can. I peel the shirt off my body, goosebumps forming on my exposed skin. The sight of Abby crouched by the bathtub, steam traveling around her and the light on the ceiling acting as a spotlight distracts me from the stabbing feeling above my right hip. She looks angelic. I wish I could take a picture of her in this moment. I manage to strip myself of my last bit of clothing, leaving me fully exposed and a bit anxious. I instinctively cross my hands over my breasts. I've never been very confident in my appearance and being in front of a beautiful girl that I've only met today is not the most comfortable feeling in the world. My ash blonde hair, pale skin, icy blue eyes and barely toned build are nothing compared to Abby's perfectly sculpted figure. She looks like a goddess. It makes me almost hate my body even more, riddled with a hint of jealousy.
"Okay," She sighs, standing up and turning around to look at me. I instantly feel her eyes on me but they aren't glaring at my body. She looks at my face. Only at my face. She never makes a move to look at my body, keeping her gaze only on my flushed cheeks, giving a small smile that immediately brings me comfort. I notice her cheeks slowly growing red as I remember what Lev had asked her. 'Does she feel the same?' Abby takes my hand, keeping her focus on my eyes, pulling me to my feet. I stumble forward a bit, letting out an involuntary whimper. Abby puts an arm out in front of me, the other wrapping around my shoulders as she helps me regain my balance.
"I've got you." She says in a voice that makes me melt. I notice a bit of panic in her eyes and I nod, letting her know I'm okay. She makes sure I'm able to lean against the wall and steps out to grab the clothes she had brought. The warm water soothes my aching muscles. As I wash all of the dirt and filth, I try to imagine what my brother would say about the way I stare at Abby. He would've teased me about her. He would've told me to make the first move, knowing I never could. I don't even know if Abby likes me. The way she looks at me can't be just friendly, can it?
A few minutes later, Abby comes back in, setting the change of clothes on the bathroom counter. "You good?"
"Yeah, I'm good." I respond. I lean down to shut the water off but the stitches only let me get so far. Eventually I give up, annoyed at how incapable I am. "Shit. Abby, can you turn the shower off please?"
Abby chuckles at my frustration. "Hang on." I watch her hand peek through the blue shower curtain and turn the shower off before it disappears again. She slowly opens the curtain, handing me a soft, purple bath towel. I wrap it around me before I can get goosebumps. I put on a clean outfit; pastel purple underwear, a light gray and black sports bra, a black tee shirt and, with some help from Abby, I manage to wiggle into a pair of dark red sweatpants. She helps me go out into the living room, sitting beside me on the surprisingly comfy couch."I figured pyjamas were the more comfortable option. There are some day clothes hanging in your closet for when you're ready to get out of your little apartment. Oh, and I've gotta say, your black combat boots are seriously awesome." I smile at her, drying my hair with the towel.
"Thanks." I smile, grateful for everything Abby has done for me. "And they're pretty damn nice."
"Ever crushed an infected's skull with them?" She asks with a playful grin.
"Actually, a few times." I start. "One time, a runner's eyeballs squeezed out of it's skull!"
"Oh, gross!" Abby snorts, kicking off her worn gray sneakers and sitting cross legged, body turned towards me.
"Yeah." I say, faking a frown. "Poor dude will never model again." We both laugh. I look to the far wall, out the big bay window that had one long, green curtain pulled to the side and held with twine. The sun is setting, painting the sky in orange and yellow hues. The ocean rests below, blending with the scenery.
"Nice view, huh?" Abby's voice draws my attention back to her. I notice her eyes look me up and down quickly as she bites her lip. 'Did I just see that right?'
"It is." My voice is soft. I feel completely calm, sitting here beside Abby. I could sit here with her forever. Forget about the horrors that lie outside.
"Can I change your bandage?" She's hesitant with her question, knowing it's going to hurt me. I give her a nod, letting her know I fully trust her. She picks up on my silent message. "Okay. Let me grab a few things." Abby turns on the living room light and disappears into the bathroom for a minute before coming back out with a med kit. "Lie back." Her voice is commanding but gentle. I do as she says, shifting to lay on the couch. She kneels beside me on the floor, putting the med kit on the coffee table behind her. I fidget with my fingers as she lifts my shirt up, not quite sure what to do. She's so careful, slowly removing the bandages and gauze, revealing the wound that brought me to her in the first place. The stitches look almost perfect but there will still be evidence of it when it heals.
"That's gonna leave a nasty scar." I mumble, noticing her pouring hydrogen peroxide onto a white cloth.
"It's gonna look super cool, though. Makes you look like a total badass." She smiles at me for a second before looking at the cloth in her hands, then at my wound. "So... this is gonna suck." Her smile turns into one of pity.
"Yeah, but it's gotta get done." I mumble. She nods, pausing for a moment. As soon as she presses the cloth to my side, my back arches off the couch and I hiss in pain, clenching my eyes shut.
I feel Abby grab my hand and I squeeze hers tightly, choking back a small scream. "Hey, look at me, Maddy." I look at her face. She's calm but clearly not enjoying the pain she's inflicting. She keeps her cool, looking at me with those big, hazel eyes. Her gaze instantly brings me comfort. "Just focus on me, okay?" I nod, keeping my eyes on her. "Just listen to my voice. I'll be done soon, I promise. But I need you to stay still." When she touches the cloth to my skin once more, I tense, willing myself to stay put for her. She lets me squeeze her hand as hard as I need, probably not even bothered by it.
It's quiet for a few seconds before Abby speaks again. "I'm scared of heights." She says, simply. "Lev and I had to walk on these super high, narrow bridges once. I'm talking skyscraper high! I thought I was gonna die right on that bridge. I felt dizzy, couldn't breathe properly. But Lev, he just kept walking like he was on solid ground. He kept trying to get me to find my true strength or something like that." She laughs a little. I watch the way her lips curve into a small smile and, for a moment, I think about what it'd be like to kiss them. "Well, shit went to hell when my vision started getting blurry and I slipped. I was just dangling there and I swear I felt my heart drop into my stomach. Lev tried to pull me up but we both fell and smashed into this glass skylight. We landed in a pool that was underneath us, thank fuck. So, we both swim out of the pool and I'm just laying there gasping for air and Lev stands up beside me and he's immediately ready to keep moving. As if we didn't just almost fall to our deaths." I smile at her story, picturing Lev babying her. I don't even notice her set the cloth down and reach for gauze and bandages until she let go of my hand.
"I'm scared of the ocean." I laugh at my own stupid fear. Abby lets out a small chuckle.
"So is Lev." She grins. "Why are you scared of it?"
"I can't swim." I smile at her look of disbelief.
"You seriously can't swim?" She raises a brow, briefly pausing to look at me.
"Yep." I confirm, slightly embarrassed.
"How the hell do you not know how to swim?"
"I never got a chance to learn." I shrug. She goes back to applying the thick cloth bandages.
"Well, I guess we'll have to teach you how to swim." She stands up, carrying the med kit back to the bathroom and I move to sit up on the couch, slouching against the arm of the surprisingly comfortable furniture. I can't help but stare when she goes into the kitchen. She opens the refrigerator and goes to pull out a couple water bottles, giving me a perfect view of her backside. I bite my lip and look away. Silently scolding myself for staring. "Wanna watch a movie?" She asks, leaning in the entryway of the kitchen that's connected to the living room.
"Sure." I say. "But what about Lev?" Abby sets down the water bottles and a bottle of pain killers on the coffee table before she goes over to the TV stand, crouching down to open a small cupboard and pulling out a few DVD cases.
"He's staying the night at a friend's house." She says, looking through the DVDs. "I use the word friend lightly because I'm pretty sure Lev has a crush on him but he won't admit it." She gossips.
"Is Lev gay?" I ask, not meaning to sound rude.
"Yeah. He's also transgender." She explains. "Why? Is that an issue?" Her tone becomes defensive and she glares at me over her shoulder.
"Why would it be?" Her gaze softens at my words. "Hell, I'm not straight either." At that, she lights up just slightly but enough for me to notice. "Men are okay. Prefer women, though." I explain, simply.
"I'm with you on that." And at that, I light up. Abby smiles at me, turning on the TV and putting a DVD into the player. She grabs the remote, going to turn off the light before sitting back down on the couch. As she starts the movie, I contemplate moving to sit closer to her but I decide against it. I picture what it would be like to have her lips pressed against mine, her hands tangled in my hair, my arms wrapped around her neck, her body so close to mine.
"Here." Abby says and I jump a bit. She just smiles and I know she noticed but she doesn't point it out. Instead, she hands me two painkillers and a water. I thank her, taking them and turning my attention to the movie, letting myself get completely sucked into the story of this random popular schoolgirl character. Thoughts of Abby loom in the back of my mind.
Halfway through the movie, I fall asleep. When I wake up again, Abby is gone and I'm in my bed, wrapped up in the warm blankets, the daylight shining through the window. 'This bitch carried me to bed!'
It's been many months since I've joined the Fireflies. I adjusted rather quickly and fit in well with the others. The sparks between Abby and I are only growing stronger and our feelings for each other are obvious to everyone. Everyone including Lev who has become like a younger brother to me.
"Seriously!" Lev sits at the kitchen counter, working on a drawing of a horse while I do dishes. "You need to tell her! She already knows! Everyone does!" He gestures towards the front door for emphasis. I laugh at him, placing another dish into the drying rack.
"I can't just go up to her and say 'Hey, Abby. I love you and I really, really want you to be mine so we can be a family and grow old together.'. It's not that easy!" Lev sighs, grinning at me.
"Yeah, it is that easy."
"Oh really?" I turn to him, raising my brow in a pointed look. "Then how come you haven't told that boy you like him?" His face turns beat red and he looks back to his drawing, practicing his shading skills. "That's what I thought." I chuckle at his silence. I look out the living room window behind me to see the sun slowly going down. The sky will be painted with vibrant orange soon. "Actually, she should be back by now." My heart sinks a little at the thought of something happening to Abby while she's out on a run.
"She'll be back soon." Lev reassures. I just bite my lip, hoping everything is okay.
I really start to worry when the sun is almost gone and Abby still isn't back. I fidget with my fingers while I sit on the couch beside Lev, trying to distract myself with whatever movie Lev put on. My panic doesn't go unnoticed by Lev.
He puts his hand on my shoulder. "She's tough, Maddy." He reasons. "She's gonna be back soon and you're both gonna look at each other with that same lovestruck face you guys always do." I roll my eyes at his last comment. He isn't wrong, though. About half an hour later, there's a knock on the door.
"Maddy? It's me!" I let out a breath of relief at the sound of Abby's voice, jumping up to greet her. She opens the door, barely having enough time to close it behind her before I run over and wrap my arms around her neck, pulling her into a tight hug. She stumbles back a bit before wrapping her arms around my waist and pulling me close. "Hey." She chuckles. I bury my face in her neck, the material of her light jacket brushing against my right cheek.
"How was the run?" I ask. I want to be angry at her for being late and making me worry but all I can feel is relief that she's here and okay.
"Good." She says, shuffling her backpack off her shoulders when I pull away to examine her for any wounds. Thankfully, I find none. "Sorry I'm late. The damn truck kept stalling and Aaron dropped a crate of supplies at the gate."
"That guy's such a ditz." I laugh. Abby shakes her head, laughing with me as I take her hand and pull her into the living room. "I'm glad I'm going with you next time. I'm always worried he's gonna get you killed."
"Hey, Abby." Lev turns away from the movie to smile at her. He looks at me with a smirk. "I told you she was okay." I roll my eyes at him.
"Hey, goober." Abby grins at him, walking over to ruffle his hair, not letting go of my hand. "Good day?" I release Abby's hand, shaking her shoulder lightly and going into the kitchen to pick up Lev's drawing stuff. Normally, I'd make him clean up after himself but I decide to leave him be.
"Yeah!" Lev's voice is cheerful as he answers Abby. "We had spaghetti for dinner and Maddy let me help her make sauce with some tomatoes from the garden instead of trying to find a jar!"
"That sounds fun! Did you help or did you make a mess of her kitchen?" God, she can be such a mom.
"A bit of both." I chuckle, handing Lev his art book and pencils. "Made you a plate, too. Figured you'd forget to eat and go straight to bed again." I cross my arms, looking at Abby with a knowing smile. She knows I don't like when she forgets to eat.
"Thanks, Mads. I really appreciate it." I just give a simple nod, letting my arms drop to my side. I wish I could kiss her. She lets out a deep breath. "C'mon, Lev. It's getting late."
"Okay." Lev says quietly, turning off the TV and standing up beside Abby. I go to grab the plate of spaghetti from the kitchen, making sure the plastic wrap is secured around the plate.
"Here." I hand Lev the plate since he's put his stuff in Abby's backpack and she's busy pulling the straps over her shoulders. "Make sure she actually eats for me, okay?" I grin, playfully.
"Promise." He smiles back.
"Oh my God, can you both stop babying me?" Abby says with an annoyed tone.
"Never." I tease, reaching up to wrap my arms around her neck once more. I close my eyes, feeling the warmth radiating off her skin as she hugs back. "But seriously." I mumble, lips brushing against her freckled cheek. "Promise me you'll remember to eat?"
I feel Abby nod. "I promise." I hum in approval, letting her go and looking at her flushed face. She opens the front door, moving so Lev can leave first.
"Bye, Maddy." Lev says, walking past us and out the door.
"Bye, kiddo." I say back. "Goodnight." I say softy to Abby. She rubs the back of her neck.
"Goodnight." Abby mutters, closing the door behind her as she leaves. I stare for a minute at the door, contemplating whether I should run after her or not. But I just turn away and decide to get ready for bed.
His face. His screams. I'm in a nightmare and I can't wake up. I want to reach out for him. I want to save him. But I know I can't leave my hiding spot or the Seraphites will find me. He yells and swears, clothes quickly catching fire. I can only sit and watch as his body hangs there, becoming charred. Unrecognizable. I have to help him! I can't move! Please, no! He cries out for me, yelling 'why won't you help me?!' and 'You coward!'. Things my brother would never actually say. But it all feels so real.
I sit up quickly, gasping for air as I look around my bedroom for flames. It's dark, the only light coming from the window. I can't get the image of him out of my head. 'Oh, brother.' I think, tears pouring down my face. 'I wish you were here.' I try to lay back down and go to sleep but I can only sit there, paralyzed. I let out a small sob, trying to think of what to do. Abby. I need Abby.
Before I can think, I'm putting my jacket on over my pyjamas and lacing up my combat boots. I leave my dark apartment and head down the stairwell to Abby's. I let myself mindlessly wander there, choking on sobs. When I get to her door, I knock lightly and instantly feel bad. What if I woke her or Lev? Before I can turn back, the door opens. Abby stands there in a pair of black sweatpants and a gray t shirt. Her face instantly contorts with worry when she sees my red eyes and puffy cheeks.
"Maddy?" She steps forward, putting a hand on my shoulder. "Hey, what's wrong?" I can't stop myself from letting out another sob, more tears falling down my face mercilessly. She wraps her arms around me but I can't find the strength to hug her back.
"I'm sorry." I whimper into her shoulder. "I didn't mean to wake you up."
"It's okay. You didn't wake me, Mads." She reassures me. "I was reading. Here, come inside." She gently pulls me inside, closing the front door. "Wanna tell me what happened?" She doesn't try to pressure me. She just waits for me to speak, rubbing my back.
"I had a nightmare." I say, feeling childish. "About my brother. I just... I needed you." I mumble the last bit, face heating up.
Abby takes my hand, pulling me with her. "C'mon. Let's go to bed." I let her guide me into her bedroom, tugging off my jacket and boots before crawling onto her bed. She closes the door and turns off the light before laying down beside me. She pulls the comforter over us and I shift to lay my head on her chest, curling into her left side. She drapes her right arm over my waist and runs her fingers through my hair with her other hand. I cling to her shirt, my tears drying on my cheeks.
"I'm sorry." I whisper, feeling like a burden.
"You have nothing to apologize for." Abby says. Without thinking, I shift to wrap my legs with hers, begging to be closer to her, to feel her presence as she slowly brings me back to reality. "What happened to your brother? I mean... Sorry. You don't have to answer."
"The Seraphites caught him." I swallow the lump in my throat. "They, um... they burned him. I had to watch."
"I'm so sorry, Maddy." I shake my head, letting her know it's okay.
"His name was Kai." I say. "He used to call me Dandelion because my mom said I made wishes come true." I laugh, quietly.
"Dandelion." Abby ponders the nickname. "It suits you."
"Abby?" I shift to look at her, my face hovering above hers. Her eyes widen a bit, flickering from my lips to my eyes and I catch myself doing the same to her.
"Hmm?" I place my left hand on her cheek, rubbing it softly with my thumb.
"I love you." I say. Before I can process anything, Abby pushes my head forward, pressing our lips together. The kiss is long, needy and full of love. Our eyes close. Her lips are warm and sweet. Soft. We don't pull away till our lungs are burning, pleading for air.
"I love you, too." She whispers, tracing my bottom lip with the pad of her thumb. I give her a small, tired smile, pecking her lips once more before resting my head back on her chest. Her arms are around me once more and I feel safe. At home. This is where I belong. With her and Lev. "Goodnight, Dandelion."
So, this is a thing now! I hope you guys liked it and, if not, I'm sorry lol. Here's a photo of me cause idk how to end this Author's Note
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porkchop-ao3 · 5 years ago
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A Thrill I’ve Never Known (Chapter 54)
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Times are tough right now, aren’t they, folks? We all deserve a bit of fun smut to distract us for a while. So yeah, this chapter isn’t entirely smut, but its mostly... Specific tags: semi-public, oral, first-times
Enjoy! x
Tagging @emily-strange ❤
(All chapters tagged with #ATINK and also posted on Ao3, username PorkChop)
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The next time I saw Arthur was after a couple of days, and he had just got back to camp and was trimming his beard. I hadn't seen him arrive since I was busy chopping vegetables, thankfully my leg was healed enough to stand on comfortably and I was taking advantage of my returning mobility by helping out. I still needed a cane to walk to give me that extra sense of stability, it was more because I was scared of tripping and landing on my wounds than an actual necessity. 
I approached Arthur when I was done with the vegetables and Pearson no longer required my help. 
"Hi stranger," I said, sidling up to him. I made him jump a bit by accident, and he turned to look at me.
"Oh, hey, it's nice to see you moving about, that leg's getting better," he commented, "I'm sorry I ain't been back in a couple days, I had stuff to do over in Annesburg and I didn't wanna keep riding back and forth, not through Murfree country," he explained.
"Oh, of course, can't be mad at you taking care of yourself. You bumped into any since we've been staying here?" I asked. He paused for a moment. 
"Yes," he said, but offered no elaboration. I didn't prod. "I'm heading down to the river for a bath before I leave you again," he said, his tone lightening up as he changed the subject. 
"What you gotta do next?" I questioned. He brushed his fingers over his chin, dusting away stray clippings of hair. 
"I gotta meet Sadie and Dutch in Saint Denis," he told me, putting down his scissors. Saint Denis! His insistence on tempting fate by going back there again boggled my mind until he told me his reasons. "Colm's being hanged."
"Colm O'Driscoll?" I balked. Arthur nodded. "Oh, my. And you're going there to watch?"
"I'm going there to make damn sure it happens. This ain't the first time he's been dangled off a rope, somehow his boys always manage to get him out of there. This time, he ain't getting away." 
"I'd love to come watch," I told him. Oh, to see the man who'd caused Arthur so much pain and caused the gang so much trouble swinging from the gallows, to hear his neck snap as the floor opened up, to see the colour drain from his face and the motion cease in his body… 
"You wouldn't," Arthur snorted, knowing me far too well. 
"The idea of it appeals, but right, I've never been able to watch that kind of thing," I admitted with a chuckle. Every time I happened to be passing a public hanging, I'd look the other way as soon as the lever was pulled. The truth is no matter what that sicko had done, watching death was not something I could take satisfaction in. 
"You coming to uh, keep watch while I bathe?" He asked after a moment, his voice quiet. 
"What am I watching, you?" I teased. 
"I ain't fussed where your eyes go as long as there ain't no nasty fellers passing by trying to start some funny business while I ain't got nowhere comfortable to holster a gun," he chuckled. 
I giggled and nodded, "I got your back."
"Come on then," he jerked his head and picked up a towel and some soap, and we headed down the slope towards the river. We walked down a ways until the area felt excluded enough, and Arthur held onto my arm the whole time to make sure I didn't slip. 
I sat down on a nearby rock as Arthur stripped bare, leaving his clothes with me. I smiled at his tan-deprived buttocks as he waded into the water, hissing at the cool temperature, his body tensing. 
"How's the water?" I asked sarcastically. 
"Let's just say there's a reason I ain't turning 'round yet," he said, his voice a little jerky as he shivered. I frowned. 
"Why's that?" I asked in genuine curiosity. He laughed aloud. 
"Never mind," he was quick to reply, then turned to face me once his lower half was submerged in the water.
"Hmm," I hummed aloud, still frowning.
"You'd be coming in with me if it weren't for the dressing on your leg," he said, changing the subject. 
"Why, do I stink?" I asked with a laugh. 
"No, not that I've noticed," he smirked at me. "But I could've just got used to it, you never know," he teased. 
"Don't even joke about it, that might be true." 
"If it is, we all reek. Don't worry about it," he shrugged in amusement, then dipped down under the water and scrubbed at his hair, rising up and shaking a spray of water in all directions. He lifted his hands, "throw the soap?" 
I tossed it, watching it plop into the water a short distance from his outstretched hands. He sighed and crouched, reaching around underwater for it, trying to grab it before the current took it away.
"Sorry, I never said I could throw," I called. 
"You can shoot an arrow straighter than I can and yet you can't throw a bar of soap?" He questioned. I smiled at him and shrugged. He managed to find it, and scrubbed the thing over his chest and under his armpits. 
"So what have you been doing while you've been out?" I asked. He blew out a stream of air through pursed lips and met my eyes. 
"A couple of jobs. I helped get those stolen horses back for Eagle Flies, then yesterday I went along with Bill to Van Horn," he told me, then dropped his gaze down and started washing his legs, "stagecoach thing. Explosives. Nothing good or exciting, I assure you."
"Charles said you met someone in Annesburg," I said. He hummed and nodded. 
"I saw someone I recognised when I took that girl home. Went to check it out," he said, his expression a little tense, "Mrs. Downes. Her husband owed us money, died before I could collect it. This was months ago. She paid off the last of the debt and now she's– well, she's doing things she shouldn't have to be doing just to get by." 
Arthur was ashamed, I could see it on his face. 
"I've tried to offer her some help but she ain't ever gonna forgive me, I know that," he added, and I nodded slowly.
"I'm sorry, you can't change other people's feelings," I said softly, and he nodded. 
"I don't… necessarily want her forgiveness. I just wanted to do something good for her, maybe help her get out of where she is– ain't a nice place for a lady and her son," he said, then looked a little nervous to say the next thing, "I, uh, I gave her some money. Not too much, just…" he trailed off. 
"That was kind," I told him, and he stared at me for some time. I frowned a bit. 
He recognised my confusion and cleared his throat. "Was worried you might be a little upset that I gave her money when I should be saving for you an' me." 
"I said I'd let you do what you gotta do. This included. I ain't mad, Arthur, money ain't anything I care about," I shrugged my shoulders and he watched me for a while before relaxing. 
"You're a good lady, a real good one. I don't deserve–"
"Don't start," I rolled my eyes and smirked in amusement, cutting him off before he could go there. I fought the grin trying to spread across my face and looked down to tweak the buttons on Arthur's shirt, smoothing my fingers over the fabric.
"Hey," he said, "look at me."
I did as he asked, meeting his eyes. 
"Once this is over you and me are gonna have the rest of our lives together," he told me. "We just gotta stop ourselves getting impatient."
"The rest of our lives," I repeated, letting the grin take over. "I hope I get to see you become an old, old man."
"What'chu on about? I am an old man," he gestured to his broad chest and soft yet toned stomach with his muscular arms and I cocked a brow at him. 
"You ain't old. I mean Uncle-old," I said, "at the very least."
"I ain't too sprightly," he shook his head. "I'm not like Uncle just yet but I'm sure starting to feel my age."
"Christ, Arthur, how old are you, exactly?"
He had to think for a moment. "Thirty-six. I think," he shrugged one shoulder.
"Thirty-six. And you're talking like you're in your fifties," I shook my head at him. He snorted and looked away, stretching as he tried to scrub his back with the soap.
I admired the way his arms and chest worked with his movements, pressing my lips together to resist the indulgent smile that wanted to appear. I wondered if it was bad of me to enjoy watching him so much, the poor man was only trying to bathe.
"You sure don't look like an old man," I told him, my voice coming out lower and a damn sight more sultry than I intended. 
"Mm?" He hummed lightly, the corner of his mouth lifting. 
"You look… handsome."
"Why'd you hesitate before you said that?" He let out a breathy laugh, his hand moving under water, between his legs, looking indecent only because I'd chosen to see it that way once my mind had begun to turn down an inappropriate path.
"Because handsome don't feel like the right word. Handsome is when you're wearing a nice shirt and vest, and you've put a little pomade in your hair," I explained, tilting my head, pausing as he ducked under water briefly again to scrub at his face and hair. "But when you're all wet and your hair's messy… I sure like looking at it but it's a different kind of nice," I grinned. 
"That's pretty complicated," he teased me, beginning to emerge from the water, apparently satisfied that he was clean. "But I appreciate the sentiment." 
"You ain't gotta be shy," I told him playfully when he cupped his privates with his hands, not allowing me a single glimpse of his entire body.
"I'm not shy," he chuckled, but still didn't move his hands. I looked around, the area was completely void of passers by, there wasn't an easy path close by so I doubted anyone would ever see him. 
"It's just me," I reassured him, holding the towel towards him when he got close enough, swapping it for the soap. 
"That's my point. It ain't a modesty thing, it's a pride thing. I don't wanna put any pictures in your head," he laughed, scrubbing the towel over his body, always careful not to flash a glimpse. 
"I am so confused," I said slowly, shaking my head like an idiot. 
Arthur was flushed since I'd basically cornered him into explaining. "The water's real cold, princess. Some things... get a little smaller. You don't need to see nothing."
"I'm perfectly satisfied with the size of everything on your body, I couldn't possibly be disappointed by anything you could show me," I smirked. "Come a little closer." 
"Why?" He asked suspiciously. 
"I won't look. But maybe I could…" I trailed off, my eyes dropping to the towel. "I could warm you up a little."
"You being dirty, sweetheart?" His face was a mix of surprise and amusement. 
"I'm in the mood for it," I admitted. 
"Out here?" His voice raised in pitch.
"You opposed to that?" 
Arthur glanced around. "Not really," he said, scrubbing the towel under his arms, still keeping the bottom of it hanging down over his groin.
"Come here then," I purred, and he slowly closed the gap. He stood just in front of me, his knees close to mine. He watched me intensely as my hand slid under the edge of the towel, my fingertips walking like little legs up his inner thigh. 
I could tell he wasn't breathing, but he let out an audible hiss of breath when my hand wrapped around him. I looked up at him to see his eyes flutter closed momentarily as I began to gently play with him, brushing my hand back and forth, rubbing my thumb in a feather light dance over the tip. 
"What– what're we doing? You want to lie down with me, want me to take you out here?" He questioned, his voice shaking a touch. 
"I want to play around, try something," I told him. "You ever had a lady use her mouth to make you feel nice?"
"Fuck, only once," he breathed. 
"Did you like it?" 
"Yes," he nodded easily and I smiled. 
"I liked it when you did it to me," I whispered. 
"You want that now? I can– I'm real happy to, I like doin' it," he stammered out, his cock filling out in my hand, twitching upright, lengthening. 
"I'm not asking you to do anything, I just want to play, for now," I told him.
I brushed the towel aside, exposing him. He didn't stop me and I leaned forwards to his belly, pressing kisses to his warm, soft flesh, moving sideways under his chest, lingering at the shallow hollow beneath his rib cage. I breathed over him, tilting my head until my forehead pressed against his chest. I looked down at my hand as it moved over him, and I paused briefly to slick my palm with spit. Arthur moved the towel completely, draping it over his shoulders as he hummed out his first audible moan. 
"This nice?" I asked, returning my lips to his body, kissing down over his abdomen, the toned line down the centre towards his navel. He exhaled his confirmation without hesitation.
His abs flexed when I brushed over a sensitive, ticklish part of his belly and a low, sudden grunt sounded above me. I brought my free hand to his body, stroking it up over his chest, my palms feeling the firm peaks of his nipples before I slid my hand all the way down. It slipped between his thighs, cupping and fondling him as my other hand picked up the pace over his shaft. My heart began to pound, and I turned my eyes upwards to see him watching me closely. His hand brushed over my cheek, up to my temple and through my hair. I exhaled softly at his pleasant touch, closing my eyes and kissing down lower, beneath his navel, down to where his hair became thicker and more coarse until my hand knocked into my chin and I realised how close I was… 
"Jesus Christ," Arthur exhaled almost inaudibly, his fingers burying themselves in my hair, scratching lightly at the base of my skull. "I feel like I'm gonna cum before you even start, watching you's getting me so worked up," he whispered. The corner of my lips lifted in satisfaction.
I loosened my hold on his cock, thumbed at the head and smeared the slick that gathered there as I slid my hand right down to the base. I watched as it twitched when the cool air met it, and heard Arthur's small, growl of a moan. I opened my mouth a little and tilted my head, leaning in to press a lingering open-mouthed kiss to the side of his cock, low down beside my hand. Arthur made a sound mighty close to a whimper and he rocked forwards on the balls of his feet momentarily before dropping back and letting out a stuttered breath. Warmth flooded and pounded between my legs and in my cheeks as I saw how aroused he was, how starved for the pleasure I could give him he was becoming. 
I kissed him again, and again, moving up his length towards the tip, where my lips lingered with the kiss. I turned my head to and fro, dragging my lips over the slick head and feeling his arousal coating my lips like rouge. Arthur released a series of high pitched ah's and I pulled back to look into his eyes as I made a show of licking my lips. I didn't know what to expect but the flavour that hit me was a mild one, just a little salty, and I resisted the instinct to make a content hum as if I'd just tried a new kind of food.
"Fuck, fuck," he whispered, licking his own lips and fidgeting on his feet. His cock twitched in my hand again, and a clear stringy bead oozed from the tip, dripping down before I could attempt to catch it with my tongue. 
"Oh my God," I breathed, my whole body tingling with intense, unignorable arousal.
I pushed forward, drawing my tongue over his cock, right down to my hand before tilting my head and retreating right back up to the tip. I encircled my lips around the end of it, immediately gaining a gasp and a jolt of Arthur's hips. I let out a sultry laugh at his reaction and he wailed out like he was going to cry. I'd never seen him like it before, not so intensely. 
"Please," he begged, his voice low and husky. Please? Please what? I thought to myself, sliding my lips down a little more. "Ah, fuck, that's it, princess. Good girl. How much can you– you're going real far, shit," he commented as I slowly took more of him into my mouth, being careful to keep my teeth away. 
I soon felt like I'd start to retch if I went any further and I froze, how on earth was I meant to tend to his entire cock? Was I even doing it right? It was supposed to go this far into my mouth, wasn't it? I was only assuming. I began to feel nervous, heart rate galloping again. I slid my lips back over the head, and he groaned when the tight ring of my mouth slid back and forth over the most sensitive part of him, and my hand began to stroke the rest of him. I sucked a little as I pulled back and Arthur's moan was loud and unbridled, so I did it a few more times, producing more and more intense reactions until I lifted my eyes to meet his, and suddenly the hand on my head pulled me off. 
He gasped, tensed, cock pulsating. 
"S-sorry, I nearly came and I didn't– fuck, it feels so good I don't want it to be over yet," he told me, and I let the relief slow my heart, for a moment I feared I'd done something wrong. "Okay… okay I'm good," he told me after a moment and I returned to him, taking him back into my mouth and sliding down. 
I went a little further than before, trying hard to relax so that I wouldn't gag. It was hard, my mouth watered profusely and I tried to swallow what I could before I started drooling all over the place like a mess. The act squeezed the muscles at the back of my mouth around him and Arthur's hips rocked forwards a bit as he growled out. I coughed as my gag reflex was triggered and I withdrew.
"Shit, princess, I never meant to do that. You alright?" He questioned, cupping my face and tilting my head up to look at him. I nodded licking my lips and looking into his eyes, watching them soften in concern before shifting into something more sultry and aroused at the sight of me. "Do you want to stop?" He asked, despite his clear enjoyment. 
"No, I like it. Just don't– try not to do that again. It'd be real embarrassing if I threw up," I laughed, out of breath. 
"I won't, I promise I'll have more control over myself," he whispered, stroking the sides of my head as I trailed my tongue around the head of his cock, then up and down the sides slowly, hearing his little hums and groans returning. "I'll warn you when I'm about to… I won't do it in your mouth," he told me. 
I hummed against the underside of his cock as I lifted it up, peeking up at him past his length. "I thought that was the idea of this," I murmured. 
"Not… not always. You don't have to," he said, shaking his head and looking down at me with glazed eyes.
"What if I want it?" I asked, tilting my head at him as I jerked him quickly, letting the head of his cock brush over my lips.
"Then you ain't gonna be waiting long, you keep talking like that," he shuddered, his eyes closing for a moment before opening again.
"I want to try," I whispered, flashing a sultry smile, "I always wondered what you tasted like."
"Oh fuck," he whined, breathing heavily. I wrapped my lips around him, chased my hand up and down his length with them, sucking on the draw back, using my other hand to play with his balls. "Ohh, I'm gonna cum," he sighed.
I moaned around him, spurred on. I was surprised at how much I was enjoying myself, how much gratification pleasuring him provided me with, my body throbbed and pulsed with pleasure and I felt so slick between my legs I must've soaked my drawers by then. 
"Oh baby, I love you, I love you so goddamn much," Arthur panted, his hand stroking back over my hair over and over, "I'm gonna– fuck, almost there. Almost– I'm cumming!" His voice was strangled as his cock started to throb and twitch inside my mouth. 
I felt a sudden flood of liquid, it hit the roof of my mouth and flowed down over my tongue, filling my mouth with a flavour far stronger than I'd tasted before, definitely salty, a little bitter. I swallowed it down as a knee-jerk reaction, mainly to get the foreign texture out of my mouth. My eyes closed in concentration as I drank him down with each throb and pump of his cock, until he was spent, just twitching rhythmically as his loud moans died down. I pumped my lips over him a few more times, wringing the last sparks and shudders from him before tonguing away any residual spend from his tip, opening my eyes to meet his.
"Jesus, fuck, princess," he sighed, sagging a little on his feet, swaying a bit.
I was breathless, staring up at him as my whole body buzzed with an indecent yet wonderful thrill. I was suddenly very shocked at myself, performing such an intimate and dirty act, and getting such a release from it that wasn't like an orgasm, but it was certainly something. I received a special kind of satisfaction and gratification when Arthur spilled into my mouth, riding waves of his own pleasure that I had brought him. 
Arthur recovered, panting as he bent down, tilting my head up and kissing me hard, his tongue probing enough for him to surely taste himself. He quickly dropped to his knees, dirtying himself up on the ground. As he kissed me his hands went to my skirt, lifting. I jolted and grabbed his hands to stop him. He must've forgotten about my current condition, I was bleeding, in no fit state to have such attention.
"No?" He questioned lightly, not needing to string together a whole question for us to communicate. I shook my head.
"I only wanted to do you," I whispered. 
He carefully placed his hands on my thighs and nuzzled his face into my neck, inhaling and kissing between words. "I'd like to do you," he returned, tone a low hum, "you don't want me to?"
"I'm satisfied," I whispered. "Besides, you know I can't," I added sheepishly. He seemed to remember, exhaling quietly.
"It's okay," he nodded, drawing back. "How was that?"
"What we just did?" I breathed, smiled. Arthur nodded. "I liked it."
"You did?"
"You seemed to enjoy it a lot, and that really does something for me," I admitted, wrapping my arms around his neck.
"I did enjoy it a whole lot, you're real good to me," he pecked my forehead.
"You're gonna need another bath, kneeling in the mud like that," I warned, and with a groan he pushed himself to his feet. He sighed as he dusted his hands over his knees, not at all shy about standing naked so close to me, especially in comparison to earlier on. 
I didn't think when I reached out and pressed my hand to his chest, stroking down and feeling his muscles, humming pleasantly to myself. 
"You sure you don't need taking care of?" He smirked, seeing my handsyness for exactly what it was. There was no denying I was aroused. Still, the impulsive cloud had passed and I wasn't going to lift my skirts for him, despite his apparent willingness.
"I'm sure," I grinned at him, letting him go and handing him his clothes an article at a time so he could get dressed. "We should be heading back anyway, that's a long bath you just had." 
Arthur hummed in agreement, flashing me a dirty smile. 
-
Arthur left to meet Sadie and Dutch after having a quick bite to eat; a lump of pork he cooked over the fire himself on the end of his knife. He kissed me goodbye by the horses and I wished him luck, telling him to give Colm a wave goodbye from me. I spent the remainder of my day doing chores and trying not to scratch at my leg where it had entered the itching phase of the healing process; at least it no longer hurt.
I was taking a break with a cup of water and a little bit of chocolate Pearson had snuck me from the back of his wagon, I was discreet in eating it. There was not enough to share and it'd been so long since I'd eaten chocolate, I decided to be a bit selfish. So when I saw Tilly approaching, I shoved the last tiny piece into my mouth, screwing up the wrapper and pocketing it. 
"Why's it look like I've caught you doing something you shouldn't?" She smiled playfully at me as she got closer.
"Cause I'm sitting down doing nothing, don't you feel bad whenever you take a break?"
"Not at all," she huffed a laugh. She stretched out her arm, handing a letter to me. "This came for Arthur. Would you give it to him?"
"Course," I said, looking at the handwriting on the front of the letter. I knew who it was from.
"I think it's from Mary," she said with a bit of an unimpressed tone. I nodded in agreement. "God knows what it is this time."
"I'm a little shocked. When we saw her last things seemed to get wrapped up, Arthur told her how it was," I hummed, and Tilly sighed.
"Feels like there's something inside it," she noted. There was a hard lump between the layers of paper, and a squeeze had me recognising the shape. My eyes widened a bit.
"I think she got the message," I murmured, "it's a ring."
"Oh," Tilly's brows raised, "ouch. She didn't have to send it back, that seems a little… why make a thing of it?"
"I don't know," I shook my head, "maybe she thinks Arthur could do with the money," I snorted.
"Mm, maybe," she said, her tone low. "With a stroke of luck, that'll be the last he hears from her," she patted my shoulder, and with a sigh I slipped the letter into the pocket of my jacket. Tilly went to leave but I called after her. 
"Hey, Tilly. You mind sitting for a second?" 
She hesitated, only out of surprise, then turned back and took the seat next to me. "Sure, what's up?"
"Nothing, really, I just– how're you feeling?"
"Me? Well, you know, I'm just trying to get through each day just like everyone else. This place is like purgatory, though. I'm not liking it one bit," she told me with a heavy sigh, shaking her head and looking out across the camp.
"What do you think's gonna happen?"
"I think Dutch will figure it out. He always does."
"You think he still can? My understanding is this is far worse than it's ever been for the gang," I tentatively suggested, trying to figure out how much confidence she had in him after all that happened.
"I think he'll do his best, and he's never let us down before. He came back to us after Guarma, didn't he? He and the boys could've not looked back, sailed on off to some other country where the law wouldn't know nothing about 'em," she pointed out and I bobbed my head in consideration. Dutch, Micah, Bill… possibly Javier, I could see doing that if things were dire enough. But Arthur? Even if I didn't exist, I doubted he would leave the gang so stranded.
"I suppose so," I said anyway. "You really believe in Dutch, don't you?"
"Right now, I have to," she said, almost sadly. I rubbed my hand up and down her arm briefly. "What about you; how're you feeling?"
"I'm alright," I nodded, "I reckon I'll be fine as long as Arthur keeps on coming back. This is all way over my head, way more than I expected when I joined. But I'm sticking with it, just thinking of what's important."
"And what about Dutch? Do you trust him?" She asked. I was quiet for a moment, my eyes locked with hers for a few long seconds. 
"Well, it's like you said. He'll do his best. The rest of us? We'll just… follow," I said quietly. Tilly's lips parted, but she closed them again and nodded slowly. 
"Anyway, I better get back to my chores," she told me, putting on a small smile. I nodded and watched as she got up and headed away, glancing over her shoulder at me once. 
I sighed and dropped my head into my palms. 
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