#and I don't think I've been at all this invested to anything music related before

[merigoldaround]

I'm not Yoongi biased, but seeing all the concert clips does make me a bit sad to realise once again that I'll most likely never see him or any of the other members or them as a group perform live other than through a screen. I've accepted it, but it still gets me sometimes to see how much fun everyone has in these concerts.

[chaos0pikachu]

Hi chaos,

I don't know if you've heard of the Ohm-Nanon fans going to Nanon's concert wearing Ohm masks but it happened? (I don't know how to end that sentence.) (Sorry, English isn't my first language.)

You have written about parasocial relationships so I wanted to ask why are people still involved in Ohm-Nanon? Bad Buddy ended so long ago and they are still doing all this. What makes Ohm-Nanon so special? We haven't see such huge bad behaviour from other pair brands.

Please never ever apologize for how you sound in English which is a dumb broken language anyway lol fr you're English is great

anyways um, what in the fucking purge?? lmao sorry the masks thing is just taking me out I'm imagining it and the image in my head is giving kdrama to the max with the discord music and everything lmaoooo

I had not heard of that b/c I don't follow actors like that at all this is very much Brand New Information.gif for me whew wow

Soft disclaimer here I am not an expert behavioral science or anything related so like, anything I say in regards to this is based only on what I've read, can link to from experts in the field, and speculation.

I don't think OhmNanon are necessarily "special" tbh like this behavior is extreme but I wouldn't call it "new".

In western fandom you had or still have fans behaving like this we just call them "tinhats".

Like, take Larries for instance, Louis just spoke about it in an interview that nothing he can say will deter the conspiracies theorists so he's kinda stuck. This article from VOX is old (2016) but it features a pretty clear cut timeline of the theories, and obsession tinhats have with Larry. Even before Larry there was J2 (Jensen Ackles/Jared Padalecki from Supernatural):

I want to note that One Direction stopped being an active band in 2016, almost 8 years ago. And neither Harry nor Louis have been spotted like, hanging out~~ in public for almost that entire time. Meanwhile Jared and Jensen have been been married to their wives since 2010, almost 15 years.

To play fair, Caitríona Mary Balfe (best known for Outlander) is also at the root of a tinhat conspiracy with her costar Sam Heughan. Caitriona has been married since 2019.

Western fandom likes to pretend this environment of fan entitlement, and obsessing over costars relationships is an East Asian entertainment only thing. I thoroughly disagree, and I'm sure the people involved in these various tinhat conspiracies, many who have been thoroughly and ruthlessly harassed along with their spouses, family, friends, and anyone else caught in the crossfire would also disagree.

For me the only arguable difference between like MewGulf and Larry is MewGulf played up skinship as a means of capital and for work, while Louis and Harry were just two dudes in a band.

[I even watched the old school MewGulf videos of them during Peak Fanservice Era and I gotta say it's all so obviously hilarious fake and played up I would have never taken them seriously as a true blue couple. They reminded me more of Adam Lambert making out with his bassist during his FYE tour (Tommy, who from what I remember is straight but idk 100%) for the fun and rock n roll of it all.]

I'm getting off track, I don't think OhmNanon are "special" by-the-by because I've seen this entitled and obsessive behavior with other tinhat ships. The length of time doesn't really matter, what matters is sunk cost fallacy:

"the phenomenon whereby a person is reluctant to abandon a strategy or course of action because they have invested heavily in it, even when it is clear that abandonment would be more beneficial."

Fans have invested time, love, and literal money into Ohm and Nanon, therefore giving them up - and thus giving up the "community" they've build with other Ohm and Nanon fans - is unthinkable and painful.

Combine that with general fan entitlement towards public figures, the para-sociality of believe you, individually, know what's "best" for this person - aka this STRANGER - and there's a belief that you can change or force an outcome that suits your needs and wants.

There's a lot of dehumanization involved in fan entitlement, ppl stop viewing public figures - especially actors and musicians - as products rather than people. And with a product if you leave a bad review, and enough bad reviews the company will fix and change the product.

But people aren't products, and you can't force them to do what you want or be who you want them to be just because it upsets YOU individually.

So at the end of the day, what's gonna happen with Ohm and Nanon? Well, they'll probably just keeping doing what they do. Filming their individual shows, maybe one of them will do another BL - I think Ohm already has one in the works? - and try to move on with their lives. They're coworkers and from what I've seen seem fine being coworkers. I'm not interested in speculating what their relationship is, or was, publicly, they've said they're fine with each other so I'm very es lo que es about it.

For fans, well they're probably slowly taper off eventually with only a core group of "true believers" or whatever like some MewGulf, BrightWin and others have. As fans I think the only thing we can do is discourage the behavior, and be empathetic towards the people being harassed.

Now I'm gonna leave you with my favorite debunk of a tinhat post:

[ashleywool]

How to Dance in Ohio is going to BROADWAY! Also, hi, I'm Ashley.

So I guess I should start using this account to talk about it, and tell the people who I am and what I'm about.

I'm told that Tumblr is the go-to platform these days for people who just want to blog like we did in the Old Internet Days, but also have an audience that includes people under the age of Limewire. Sooo here I am.

The briefing: I'm Ashley Wool, I live in NYC, and I'm playing Jessica in the upcoming Broadway musical How to Dance in Ohio. I've wanted to be on Broadway ever since I was old enough to know what that meant. I was diagnosed in 2008 with what was at the time called Asperger's syndrome--I don't use that term anymore for many reasons, which I'll probably get into at a later date--and I thought that being autistic spelled certain death for my performing career. So I didn't talk about it for over a decade.

My decision to start talking about it more publicly was catalyzed when Greta Thunberg started becoming a public figure. When I was a kid, I was hardcore invested in anything related to environmental conservation. 50 Simple Things You Can Do To Save the Earth was basically my Bible. In fifth grade, for a science project, I recreated the greenhouse effect using glass jars to demonstrate the impact of climate change to my peers. As you can probably imagine, I was bullied pretty mercilessly--and this was long before anybody had floated "autism" as a possibility for me. I just knew I was "weird." When I saw that happening to Greta on a worldwide scale, and saw people using her autistic neurology (which she was out and proud about) as an excuse to disparage and discredit her further, I realized how cowardly I had been to allow my own internalized ableism to keep me in the disclosure closet. If this brave and brilliant teenage girl could own her neurology in the face of millions of haters, who the heck was I to not stand up and be counted as an autistic person in front of a comparatively tiny audience of Facebook friends, most of whom already knew me and loved me?

It took me a while to find my footing as an autistic self-advocate, to work out the most productive ways to use my voice within and around those circles, but I think I have a pretty good handle on it nowadays. Like any autistic person, I've got plenty of trauma stories, but I never wanted to be the "trauma influencer" who centered my advocacy around my own negative experiences and talked over people who thought or felt differently about similar experiences they or their children have had. I also never wanted to deny or discount the privilege I experience as a cis white woman who is verbal and able-bodied and grew up in Westchester County and always had support systems for the struggles I do face, financial and otherwise.

Indeed, I hope that a cornerstone of my advocacy will be championing all the support systems I was lucky enough to have, and making sure that I do everything in my power to help differently-marginalized autistic people of all ages (and the people who love them, educate them, and employ them) receive the same support.

I hope that people will look at the success I've managed to achieve and instead of attributing it exclusively to my "being talented and working hard and never giving up," they will say, "this is what an autistic person can achieve when they are accommodated and supported, and autistic people don't need to be originating roles on Broadway like Ashley Wool or winning Nobel Peace Prizes like Greta Thunberg or [insert high achievement here] to be inherently worthy of that support."

Mostly, I just want to let the world know that autistic people already exist in every conceivable industry and every conceivable circle. Including musical theatre.

[kihteyu]

Hi!!! Hope you're well!

1, 5, 11, and 20 for the TOH ask game! ✨

What episode got you invested in the show? Why?

I actually don't think there was one specific episode I can pin it on. I started watching TOH right before S2 aired but back then I was just like "Oh this is a cute little show!" and that was it. I didn't think about it too much after that. Then right before S3 was supposed to air I decided to go back and rewatch it all to prepare myself and for some reason that second watch-through flipped some kind of switch in my brain and suddenly I was obsessed with it. I guess I would just have to say it was the culmination of every episode in the first half of S1, where we are exploring the world and learning about Luz, that got me hooked.

5. Favorite platonic relationship?

This one's tough because there's so many! I guess I would have to say Luz and Hunter. While they are, of course, very close with the rest of their friend group, I feel like those two have been through a lot together and have shared experiences that no one else would really fully understand. Belos hurt everyone on the Isles, technically, but those two definitely got a lot of the brunt of it in a lot of ways. I like to imagine that sometimes if Hunter is over at Camila's or if their whole friend group is having a sleepover and one of them has a nightmare, the first person they'll usually go to is each other. Even after King's Tide, I think they would have leaned on each other a lot considering they both knew each other's biggest secrets.

11. Any songs from the soundtrack that stick out to you?

This might just be because he's my favorite character and I've analyzed him a lot but- Hunter's theme.

It such an ominous and menacing sounding song, even in comparison to Belos' (the literal main antagonist). Belos' starts off menacing but then kind of changes suddenly into something sadder, whereas Hunter's just stays menacing the entire time. Before we really know who the Golden Guard is, the music makes sense for him and it doesn't really hint towards anything deeper but then we actually get to know the boy behind the mask and suddenly the music doesn't seem right for him anymore. He's not menacing or evil or really even much of an antagonist at that point. The music isn't Hunter's theme, it's the Golden Guard's. The music is part of his mask.

20. Which character do you relate to the most?

Luz, hands down. I relate to the others in a lot of ways but Luz's character really resonated with me as a neurodivergent kid who was told to "grow up" or made fun of for my interests, trying to escape from reality by immersing myself into fictional worlds. Having no friends, being an outcast at school, and feeling like no one in the world really understands you.

Also just the whole hero complex and thinking that it's your responsibility to see the good in everyone and trying to help them and learning the hard way that some people are just beyond help. Also her blaming herself for what happened after King's Tide- thinking it was her fault despite only having had the best intentions...I've definitely been in similar (thought obviously less exaggerated) scenarios.

Thank you for asking!

[moveslikeanape]

yeah that's totally fine, i'll follow you back now as well! i hope you don't mind that i post about a lot of things other than disney movies haha. though my url happens to be the name of a character from twisted wonderland, a disney game that i like a lot. when you mentioned hunchback of notre dame being one of your favorite disney movies, i thought about how twisted wonderland actually has references to HoND in it--but sadly, nothing tarzan related. i found out about what mark henn said from this link if you'd like to read it, there's some additional info in here as well and it's all a bit sad to hear, but really interesting: https://www.cartoonbrew.com/studios/retired-disney-legend-mark-henn-work-had-been-more-meaningful-236985.html

i agree that disney songs definitely shouldn't be written with the intention that people will hear them before seeing the movie! i know some people do like to listen to the soundtracks of new disney movies before they see them, but i've actually always tried my best not to do that or hear any of the songs ahead of time because i prefer being surprised by them. so when i saw wish, all i'd heard was the snippet of "this wish" that was played in the trailers, and during the scene where at all costs played i was honestly so confused about the context of it that it was a little distracting. disney music should immerse you in the story and tell you something about the characters, not distract you because the situation the song is being used for doesn't seem to make sense...

oh yeah, i've heard that about the atlantis book! there's a blog on wordpress i found recently who did really detailed reviews of the different disney art books and they mentioned all of that about the atlantis one. i agree it's a huge shame, that movie seems to have such a fascinating world and i'd love to be able to learn more about it. another thing that disappoints me is there being no book for the emperor's new groove at all, though on the bright side at least the documentary for that movie is available online.

oh no, that must be so frustrating to keep missing out on getting to see the tarzan broadway show! i hope you get a chance to see it someday, and that you enjoy it when you do. i'll definitely have to find the time one of these days to at least listen to the cast recording myself. it's so interesting that it's popular in germany but not here... i wonder why that could be. i love that jane gets her own song, though. she's my favorite character from the movie (though of course i also love tarzan himself!) and i always thought it would be nice to have just a bit more insight into what she's thinking and feeling.

i remember reading that with rafiki, the director wanted to gender-swap him as well as give nala more focus because she thought the movie didn't have a strong enough leading female role. so i really do wonder why they'd change terk back into a guy, because something i always liked about the movie is the variety of different female characters in the movie between her, jane, and kala! and terk is really cool and unique for how she ended up breaking gender roles, but then you lose that element in the broadway show. if you do find anything about why they made that change i'd love to know.

No worries, mine is kind of a mix of Disney and cats, with random other stuff I like thrown in. Thanks for following back!

Ooo, I'd heard of Twisted Wonderland, but never really looked into it. Will have to check it out!

Just read that article, and wow, that is so sad! I can't imagine how hard it must've been to see things go downhill like that, a having his ideas taken like that?! Poor guy.

I think Disney needs to slow down a moment and and look into their own history to see what they're supposed to be about. Thinking about how they try to put out so much so fast, and how they seem more invested in their acquired properties than original ideas. How important quality was to Walt, to the point that he nearly bankrupted the company on several occasions just for the sake of quality. Now it's all about the money… making money for the shareholders is far more important to them that making something they can actually be proud of.

That sounds like a really interesting blog! I think they kind of fell away from art books (and other merch in general) as the movies began "under performing". Such a shame because the early 2000s had such incredible and daring movies, and they basically got swept under the carpet.

Thank you! Someday I'll get to see it. If you get the chance to listen to the cast recording, please let me know what you think! I was talking to a friend in Germany, and she said the country just seems to like Tarzan in general, so maybe it's just a love of the character in any form that made it work there. I'm with you on Jane. I would have been so sad if she didn't get one. She actually has a song to herself, the duet with Tarzan, and a duet with Porter!

Kerchak also got his own song (as well as a duet with Kala). They really expanded Kerchak's character and I absolutely love them for that. While you understand his motives in the movie, they dig deeper in the musical, and make him a more rounded and sympathetic character.

That makes sense about Rafiki and expanding Nala (especially given lions are actually matriarchal). I'll have to dig out my Tarzan Broadway book and see if it says anything about Terk. I'm guessing because they took away Tantor and they figure people would be more able to accept Tarzan having a male friend.

[purplesurveys]

1743

1. What is something in your life that you feel hopeful about right now? Hans gave me a helpful pep talk last night about things I can do to keep my passions up. I've talked a lot in these surveys about the professional rut I've been finding myself in, and he knows about it too, and he sat me down for advice on how to not lose myself. I'm very grateful for the talk and it actually sparked a bit of excitement in me. Now to actually put that motivation into action...

2. What was the last thing you worried about that turned out better than expected? It rained SO hard earlier and I always get super super anxious when I have to drive in the evening and it's raining, because then my side mirrors become completely useless with all the raindrops and I basically can't see anything for the most part. Anyway, I had no choice but to drive as slow as possible just to be safe. I'd rather piss off unhinged drivers with my 10 kph speed than carelessly change lanes or speed knowing full well I can't see shit.

3. Name somewhere you are planning on visiting in the near future? My family has been heads-or-tailing Japan or South Korea for a while now, but my siblings and I have been saying that we would much rather go to SK since it just makes perfect sense – all 3 of us are into Korean culture, food, music, etc. We're currently saving up for it but as far as I know we have plans as soon as mid-2024.

4. How often do you go grocery shopping and how much food do you usually get in one go? Bi-weekly. Our bill usually shoots up to around 7-9k per visit.

5. What is a meal you eat extremely often? Or do your meals & food choices vary a lot? Meh I don't really repeat a specific meal a lot.

6. When was the last time you felt unable or unwilling to speak your mind to someone? No idea. I feel like I have been very honest around everyone these days, especially with regard to my latest promotion. I've been rather vocal, even towards my own bosses, that I'm against it and that I'm only accepting it to keep the entire team from sinking for now, but that I have very strong plans to leave the first opportunity I get, or the moment I feel like this directorial gig is really not for me.

7. What was the last thing you changed your mind about? I thought I wanted to stay a few hours in this nearby coffee shop, but when I was there their tables were so fucking high it strained my arms to use my laptop and phone that I ended up staying for like only 45 minutes before I decided I'd have a much better time in my car lol.

8. Who was the last friend you saw, and what did you do together? I saw Angela and Hans yesterday. We had dinner at our favorite Korean restaurant, caught up with our lives, talked a lot about tattoos for some reason hahaha, let out our respective work frustrations (although a good 85% of it was mine), and Hans gave me another crash course about watches which I always enjoy because I love seeing how excited he gets talking about those tiny machines.

9. Who tends to show up in your dreams? Do you ever wonder if you appear in anyone else's dreams? It's always random people, man. There's not one person or a set of people who make constant appearances in my dreams.

10. What is something you wish you could say to someone who is no longer in your life, or something you wish they could know? I would tell my grandfather about all my accomplishments so far. I'd also brag about how well I can handle my alcohol because he couldn't, haha.

11. Instead of flat earth, what do you think of the simulated earth theory, that we're basically all just a giant computer program or virtual reality? I never really entertain any theories of this nature. I'm just here to live the limited days I have on this planet and I'd rather not invest so much time and brain juices on conspiracies lol.

12. What worries you most about your future? Mostly career-related things. Like, if I've reached this peak at 25, where do I go from here. Ugh.

13. What is something you do to feel better when you're scared? Find a distraction, which is usually a) my dogs, b) rewatching familiar vlogs for the 908th time, or c) surveys.

14. Who do you feel you can count on the most in life? Is there anyone you wish you could count on more? Probably my mom or my sister, for the first question. I don't have anyone in mind for the second.

15. What makes you trust someone? When was the last time someone broke your trust? Idk, I don't really set criteria for this. I just...can tell if I can trust someone, but I can also easily take that trust away if they show otherwise. Last time someone broke my trust - last week when the event organizers that we have been consistently contracting since last year had a disappointing performance.

16. When was the last time you shared a secret with someone, and how did they react? Couple of weeks ago - I was met with shock, which is what I expected anyway.

17. Are you more likely to give advice or to ask for it? It depends on the person, tbh. I have relationships where I'm likely to be the one to seek advice, but it happens the other way around with other people.

18. When was the last time you felt totally lost, figuratively speaking? How about literally? Right now you can say that I am, for the figurative part.

As for literally, that would be two weeks ago when my co-workers and I were supposed to be headed to Nasugbu from Las Piñas (where we needed to pick up a member of the team) but some direction miscomms led me to make a few wrong turns – we ended up in the northbound part of SLEX, then I drove up Skyway, making us end up at the fucking airport, then we ended up back at McKinley near BGC. It was such a stupid experience, I feel like we lost a part of our souls that day LOL

19. In what ways are you emotionally strong? In what ways are you emotionally weak? Emotionally strong: I'm not afraid to be honest about my feelings, especially if they're negative ones; I feel like the years living in fear around my mom changed me as an adult. I'd also call myself resilient – my all-things-will-pass game is pretty strong and it's one of the things about my mindset that keep me sane.

Emotionally weak: I'm sensitive and quickly take things personally.

20. What is the strangest book you have ever read? How did you find out about it? I was gifted a copy of Sing A Song of Tuna Fish in my early teens. I liked the book, but to this day I would say it's one of my more random reads and I still don't have a clue what the title is supposed to mean.

21. Do you prefer to watch movies or tv alone or with other people? Is there anything you refuse to watch alone? I like watching with other people largely because I can have terrible comprehension and would need someone to explain parts that I might not catch on to as quickly.

22. What was the last thing you broke? How about fixed? Can't remember the last times I did either of these.

23. Is there a sign or symbol that means a lot to you for whatever reason (eg. seeing certain animals or birds, 11:11 or other repeating numbers, syncs, butterflies, hearts in nature, etc)? The number 2025 and 613.

24. Do you have any personal ghost stories or paranormal experiences? No.

25. What do you get complimented on the most? My writing.

26. What is something unusual that you find attractive? Idk if there's anything...

27. What time do you tend to eat your first meal of the day? And your last? I eat my first and last meal at like 7 PM.

28. What was the subject of the last video you watched? It's the newest episode of Smosh's running podcast/video series reacting to their older videos.

29. When was the last time you traveled out of town, and where to? Around two weeks ago, to Nasugbu.

30. How would you describe your overall aesthetic? Literally Namjoon's house is my aesthetic, minus all the books cos I stopped reading a long time ago.

[matzsmith]

I'm relieved to hear you say they don't look that bad because they're a nightmare to put on. I really dislike sitting in that chair while they attach the wig, it takes a few hours and a lot of patience from everyone involved. So it's a relief to know it pays off. You'd think people would just let others get on with expressing themselves, but no, some folks act like it's a matter of national security or something. Exactly! I've always believed that diving headfirst into a project is where the good happens. Otherwise, you're just going through the motions. And that's no fun. When you really care about something, it shines through in the work, and you can feel that energy from everyone involved. You've hit the nail on the head there, mate! I reckon a bit of madness is a prerequisite for this line of work. You've got to be slightly off your rocker to throw yourself into it. It was technically released but with no promotion, faced several delays and issues with its release. We filmed it in 2017 but released it three years later, albeit in a limited capacity. The film did not gain much traction and received mostly negative reviews from the four people who watched it. As an actor, that feels like failure. The transformation is a massive part of the experience, yeah. I love that moment when you look in the mirror and barely recognise yourself. Those intense makeovers can really help me get into character. It's like purring on a new skin, and suddenly, all those layers of the character's personality start to emerge. I can imagine how it feels for you in a music video, too! There's something magical about shedding your everyday self for a bit, even if it's just for a few minutes. I reckon every project has its own little transformation, whether it's through music or film. I appreciate the vote of confidence, though! It's nice to know that the stuff I've done has been half decent in your eyes. But I'll keep those hidden for now, some things are best left buried! Right? Everyone loves a good underdog story, don't they? There's just something about rooting for the little guy that gets everyone invested. I'm buzzing to be part of it. Yeah, maybe if I keep thinking it's going to do well, then maybe I'll just will it into existence.

It's funny. We can have all these amazing things in front of us, yet we still gravitate toward the stuff that drags us down. People can say the nastiest things from behind a screen, and a part of me is happy they wouldn't say it to my face or I wouldn't know how to react. It really is a mental gymnastics act to filter out all that noise. I'll be happy to get back to my normal state, hoping it all grow back fast enough after we're finished, it's starting to get quite chilly here and my head gets freezing cold at night. Yeah, I think a good fresh start will help my hair a lot more. I always like it long so it take a lot for me to actually go and keep it healthy by cutting the ends. Yeah, even though change can be scary, but it's also a breath of fresh air. I'm the same way, if I'm not busy with something, I start to feel like I'm going a bit bonkers. Plus, there's only so much Netflix a person can handle before they start talking to the telly. It's funny how people latch onto one aspect of your work without really digging deeper. Your lyrics tell a story that goes beyond just love, they explore all the messy bits that come with it. We all can relate to them in a certain way. I would love to! Actually, I can strum a bit on the guitar and dabble on the piano too. I've always found music to be a great outlet, you know? Just something about the way you can express yourself through melodies and chords. I've been known to write the odd tune here and there, though I wouldn't say I'm a pro or anything. I usually stick to the basics. I know how hectic things can get, so no worries if you're tied up for a bit. I'm just eager to see how it all unfolds, as I'm sure you've got some brilliant ideas swirling around in that head of yours. Just keep me in the loop when you can, yeah?

Well, you know you're in something well loved when something as broad as hair colour can be tied to a family. Don't be daft, you're a dashing lad. The blonde locks oddly don't look bad, actually. Preferences is a funny thing, outrage that can happen over a hairstyle has never made much sense to me, especially over something that is usually just a manner of self expression. Isn't that how it should be when you find yourself working on a project you love? If you're not all in, I'm not sure if there's much point to being there. It might be momentary madness, but aren't isn't anyone working in our industries slightly insane? You'll be fine by the end of it and I know for certain all that effort only goes on to further improve the final result. Did you ever get any confirmation as to why that project remains unreleased to this day? You never know, maybe in years to come someone will find the film of it and craft it into a masterpiece. Not sure if that's a thing that can be done, but the world is a mysterious place and stranger things have surly occured. Truth be told, I'm rather impressed that you were mad about that, but it goes to prove what a pro you actually are. Surly the transformation is half the fun, no? I've filmed a couple music videos where I had to undergo a "tranformation" and it truly felt like a different person when I looked I the mirror. That's low scale too, I could only imagine what it's like for a lad like yourself who does such intense makeovers. We all have a couple things we've worked on that aren't to our standards, but if you've done that, I've never seen them. They must be hidden like some ancient relic people would go on expeditions to find. So the film you're in the process of creating is a tale of an underdog? Well, you've sold me immediately. Doesn't everyone love to root of that? I can sense the excitement coming off ya, ak that's a great sign. It's not going to flop, don't put that into the universe.

Not entirely sure why as humans we hunt for the stuff we know will hurt us when there are uplifting things all around. Wish I'd realised sooner what a mental toll it would take, but a lesson lived is a lesson learned. That's the thing, isn't it? No one would actually say to the things they say behind a screen to ya face. There comes a point in time where you realise that you kinda have no choice but to drowned out all the excess noise, else you'll lose your grip on sanity. Can't say I'm all too surprised that you'd rather dress like yourself. It's your most comfortable state. The movie will be worth it and once you're done, that's it, you're free to be Matt again and I couldn't be happy for ya, lad. Oh, so it's rather soon that you'll be able to relax back into yourself. I'm sure you'll be counting down the days until you're able to stop shaving. I dunno, I reckon some people out there might rock the long on top, stubble on the side look, bit if you're wanting it to grow out all even, you might be onto something by cutting it all off. Best to start fresh. You can only repeat the same process so many times before you start losing your marbles. It's why we all crave change from time to time. Well career wise, while touring I usually drop an ep or two so I have other songs to perform, so I'm not doing the same show over and over. When it comes to my daily life, I have to get out. There's only so much time I can spend out home without growing bored out of my tree. I'm sure you're much the same. Can't stay still for the life of me. Yeah, thank you. Diving into darker topics has always been where my mind leads me to. Makes me laugh when people say I make a lot of romantic music but they don't divulge into the lyricism. Thanks again. If you're ever around when I'm booking studio time, you should come down. Can you play an instrument at all? Leaving ya hanging is the last thing I'd do. Don't worry, you're now high on my priorities. The moment I know, you will too and that's honest to God the best I can offer at the moment, I'm afraid. Although I can assure you my mind never truly rests. I'll be working on stuff for a while.

[starburstfloat]

Thoughts on the "hiatus not hiatus" reaction and bangtan's pandemic era

I've been a fan of bangtan since 2015 and this was my 7th festa.

There's always been a clear disconnect for me between the pre-dynamite fans and the post-dynamite fans, or I guess you can call it pandemic era armys. I could write a whole essay on the gradual shift in the fandom that normalizes blind consumerism and the increased fetishization of the members but that's for a whole other day.

Although I've met and engaged with plenty of pandemic era armys who thoroughly enjoyed going back through all the content, discography, music shows, etc, I find that so many barely scratched the surface or got to truly know the essence of bangtan (which at this point it seems pretty impossible to go through all the old content cause there is a TON). And I think that's all fine and fair because there shouldn't be policing of the fandom, of saying "hey you don't know x y z song then you're not a fan" because that's just immature and reductionist thinking.

I will say though, there's an evident gap in the hiatus not hiatus news reaction between those who have been around a while/have invested in getting to know the band's roots versus those who were more casual/solos (sorry, I'm grouping y'all together).

For the OG fans, hearing bangtan break down and say how debilitating the last two years were, that they lost their sense of self and direction, was saddening but not shocking. We have been saying for months that these comebacks feel inauthentic and are not a reflection of the group, that we have been disappointed by the lack of artistry. And at times it's made me feel petty towards pandemic era fans who go "this isn't inauthentic, it's still them! Quit being nostalgic." And I get where they are coming from. For fans that entered in the pandemic era, dynamite is who they knew as bts. For them, bts were the colorful mvs, the impressive but still relatively easy choreos, and the hollow pop tracks.

These fans don't realize that BTS used to be so much more invested in their music and performances, on vlives, twitter, fancafe, and music shows (or perhaps they know but they weren't around to feel the palpable and glaringly apparent difference to have it bother them). We caught a glimpse of bangtan's artisty with the BE album, but that did not garner nearly as much attention as their English tracks, nor highlight the extent to which bangtan used to interact with their music and fans.

Before the pandemic, there was real engagement and sincerity that spilled beyond stating the repetitive "we love army" that has become their marketed superficial theme the last two years.

This is a long preface to say, pre vs post dynamite fans have a different version of bangtan in their mind. And I'm hoping that everyone comes to see that these last two years, while they brought them considerable fame and success, were not their best years - they themselves admit this, and Yet to Come highlights it with "my moment is yet to come" and in My Youth with "I wish I could turn back time".

Please remember that they were not happy. There's so much that they haven't been able to talk about, so much pressure building from their fame and status and I'm sure a shitload of drama related to hybe determining which creative decisions they could or couldn't make. I'm honestly impressed they lasted this long.

I just hope that now moving forward the fandom does not split even further and that we can all show up for the members with the support and knowledge that the last two years were not a true reflection of bangtan's full range of artistic output. And that above anything, they deserve a longass break to recuperate and recharge.

아포방포

[starryyyjoon]

I, you | Kim Namjoon One Shot

word count: 8.2k

pairing: idol!namjoon x fem reader

summary: namjoon meets you again and he can't help but want you to look at him the same way he has all these years.

disclaimer: it's sort of written from y/n pov. kind of smut included, not too much but still. other then that, i don't think there's anything. it was written a long time ago so i don't clearly remember, sorry!

Namjoon walked in, followed by a few staff members and they occupied the empty chairs on the conference table and I smiled at him and the others. He looked great like always, he was in a navy blue hoodie and a khaki colored trouser, with his hair pushed backwards exposing his forehead.

There was something and nothing between me and him and it was too tiring to play pretend. "You look good", he remarked and I smiled at him. He's always being too kind, I looked like absolute shit, I hadn't slept in three days and my clothes were whatever was in my reach that I'd put on after showering and I rushed here.

I had met him before this level of success but I was merely an assistant director myself and we'd talked about Monet and his work together, he'd similar interests to mine but both of us didn't really get anywhere because of our timing and I believed it was for the good. He'd always expressed how he liked my vision and wants to work with me on something and I didn't believe my vision because what even was my vision that he could see and not me and after being this big I didn't really thought he'll even remember me until he hit my phone one day and here I was, at the label's office to discuss the details of his mixtape's music video.

"So, do you've something in mind?", I asked him and he pressed his back on the chair letting out a yawn, he seemed tired.

"Not really! I want it simplistic and not too hard to understand. I haven't thought about it or anything so I don't know, I would await what you propose", he softly said.

"I haven't heard the track because of--", he intervened, "--ah you haven't? You should hear it first", he said and I nodded.

"I would need to hear it", I told him, thinking about the lengthy talks with the illustrator already.

The staff then pin pointed about the budget, the do nots and other details and two of my team members who were seated beside me talked thoroughly in detail about the technicalities. Namjoon looked bored with all the talk that didn't interest him. He wasn't much different from before slightly bigger.

All of us stood up coming to an agreement when Namjoon asked me to walk up to his studio to hear the track and I asked my team members to go ahead first. I walked through the dark corridor behind him while he talked to someone on the phone, all the way to his studio. I didn't really hear what he was talking because I was invested in staring around the place like I hadn't seen a building before.

The walls were all dark and a comforting shade since I didn't like the sun anyway. It seemed like a night mode in real life.

His studio was the corner most, he typed the passcode in and stood aside gesturing for me to walk in, followed by him. He hung up the phone call and put his phone aside, switching the AC on. He sat behind the monitor while he switched it on and I went through my inbox.

"So, how have you been?", his deep tone, made me look up and I fidgeted to put my eyes on something other then him while he turned his chair around to face me.

"I have been okay-ish, like the projects I'm doing I'm satisfied with them so I guess it's kinda okay", I said and regretted it immediately, I don't even talk like this and he knows it.

"Not the work c'mon, you, your boyfriend, family, other things?", a lose smile hung on his lips and I looked at him. How can someone look like that?

"No boyfriend because you know no one can put up with this profession. I haven't slept in three days so I'm fucking annoyed and the work is too much that I don't have time for other things", I shrugged and he chuckled. I didn't want to think about guys, I barely had time for myself. Filmmaking was a time bound profession.

"I relate, trust me I do", he turned his chair back around, his eyes on the computer screen and I looked at him. I could see why he could relate, I mean of course he didn't had time either. I knew idol schedules enough to know how these things go. "Why didn't you come that day?", he asked me and my insides twisted.

"I was hoping you don't bring it up", I said in a small voice.

"Why not? I waited for you", he said without looking at me and I threw my head back on the couch thinking of the time when he'd asked me out officially and I didn't make it. "At least I deserve to know what was more important that you didn't make it", he looked at me and I closed my eyes shut.

"I had a flight, I got an exclusive food show travel experience with discovery and it was too good for an opportunity to miss", I let it out and took a breath in. I knew I could never leave work for a guy, any guy, or anyone as a matter of fact and as much as I'd thought about it on the plane...it all seemed for the better. He wasn't the kind of guy I could've had my regular thing with and I was too young to be serious.

"It was a good show", he told me. I could feel his eyes on me and I didn't flinch. I didn't regret it but his words made me feel guilty. My head was on the headrest of the sofa I sat on and my eyes were closed. My subconscious could feel his curious gaze on me.

"Look away Namjoon", I said and I could feel his gaze was still on me.

"Why didn't you call me when you got back?", he asked me and I looked at him.

"I didn't because our cultures differ, everything is poles apart--what's the point of discussing it now?", I asked him, slightly annoyed. He and I separately needed to focus on our careers and he knew it too damn well.

"Okay", he turned around again as his monitor showed a circle indicating that the programme he'd launched was loading. "It does makes me feel better that my better position in life doesn't changes your opinion on me. Quiet comforting", he said, with a hint of sarcasm in his voice but I chose to ignore it. The last thing I'd be doing is fueling this feeling in him by discussing this useless thing which wouldn't make any difference whatsoever.

"Is this the reason you wanted me to do this project with you?", I asked him and he swiftly turned his chair around.

"No, I don't take all this for granted. I love the stuff you do. I'm pretty updated thanks to how active you're on your social media", he smiled and I couldn't shook the thought of seeing my psychotic episodes on my Instagram, Twitter...everywhere. I'm pretty weird out there.

"I love it, the stories", he flased his dimple smile before turning his chair around again and I felt his warmth, like he meant what he said.

For a second I was taken aback with how tall he was from me and how good he looked, he'd always looked good but he was more mature now and much more reserved. "I'll be calling you often because I won't send it for pre-production without your say on the concept", I told him.

"I'll look forward to a lot of calls", he said. "I'm sorry this is taking a while", he added quickly and for some reason I couldn't look away from him, whose back was visible to me.

"No, take your time", I said, crossing my arms against my chest. I really wished he was a regular guy just making music but then I didn't. I wouldn't want someone to wish that for me. He'd earned all of it and I knew it.

"Look away ___", he said slowly. I could feel his grin through his words and I looked away shaking my head right and left softly. "It's, yeah it's playing", he turned around as the music filled in the empty atmosphere.

It was a slow song with a really fast rap. It was how Namjoon was, he contradicted himself too much. I instantly knew it was his writing from the way the words went and the wordplay came into role. I couldn't help but analyze the song because I was supposed to shoot and sketch a music video for it and at times like this I didn't really get to enjoy the art for the art and I hated it.

"How was it?", he asked me, his eyes fixated on me as the music faded. I wanted it to last.

"The only problem with it is that it ends", I flashed a smlie at him and he shook his head throwing it back.

"That's too corny even for you", Namjoon rolled his eyes but I was being serious. "You know I appreciate heavy critics", he said.

"I didn't find anything to criticize, the writing is great, the composition fits and it has a catchy vibe to it. I think I would listen a song like that on a drive or something? In your case a bicycle but yeah! It's a good song", I summarized my opinion. "Do you like want a trendy video?", I asked him.

"Anything that you want to do with it", he said and I gently nodded. Since it was given to me, I couldn't stop thinking about what to do with it.

"Can you stop thinking about it while you're with me ___?", he chuckled and I looked at him taken aback for a second and then nodded with a soft smile pasted on my lips.

"Your fashion sense has improved", I remarked.

"You look casual", he teased me.

"I, I've no fashion sense. I just wear whatever is there", I told him.

"I don't think so, your Instagram says different", he said.

"It's for the show Namjoon", I said.

"You're really not the type to do that, please don't deceive me", he beamed before he turned his chair around again to minimize the current tabs on the computer.

"You're the last person I'd be deceiving--", my words were cut from an incoming call from one of the producers of one of the shows I was working on. "I need to take this", I told him and answered the call while he just gave me a gentle nod in response.

The producer had informed me about the issues related to casting and the final draft of the script and I knew I had to go.

"Guess I'll see you later, bye", Namjoon said warmly as he smiled at me. The thing was he just knew and that always stuck somewhere.

"Bye", I left.

________________

"I, for one, disagree. C'mon how do you even call it an end?", I threw my hands in the air as we discussed it for the millionth time. I liked Su-ho but his thoughts on GOT made me want to kill him. He is the only person I knew who was satisfied with how it ended.

"I think it was okay, c'mon, you have to consider that the novels didn't end and as compared to that I think it was pretty good", Su-ho claimed while he sat on the bean bag in front of me, pushing it comfortably.

"Don't even start with the novels--", my words were interrupted with the sound of the doorbell, "--they didn't even do a good job interpreting it and I am offended by that. Look there novels", I pointed at my bookshelf, showing him my GOT collection which he knew as I opened the door and my head bumped against Namjoon's chest as he took a step in.

He chuckled as he held the back of my head with one hand and pressed my forehead with the other and rubbed it gently to ease the pain.

"What's uh, what's that? Is it iron", I mocked, pointing at his chest while he let me go from his grip and took his shoes off.

"It can be", he said. "But why were you jumping around so enthusiastically?", he asked me as he seated on the couch in front of Su-ho, as he greeted him and Su-ho greeted him back.

"Game of Thrones heavy discussions", I sighed. "This is Su-ho who's illustrating the storyboard", I told Namjoon.

Su-ho was starstruck and it seemed like it'd take him a good minute to recover and Namjoon was obviously used to it. I didn't call him at the office because a lot of people would want to see him then and it could be exhausting plus he'd a time limit on his hands.

"You know him, ___?", Su-ho widened his eyes at me and I nodded, suppressing my laughter seeing his chaotic ass behave like this.

"A little", I said and I could feel Namjoon's gaze on me. "Maybe a lot", I rephrased. I could see by the way Su-ho looked at me that he needed answers. "Coffee?", I asked Namjoon.

"Oh yeah", he replied and I stood up. "I've thought of two concepts, Su-ho please brief him on it and if you want anything differently Namjoon, you can tell him", I told him as I marched towards the kitchen.

Should I use the regular coffee mugs or should I use the better ones? I mean it doesn't matter anyway but still, it kind of does? I don't know. It just comes to me, the over thinking.

Ah.

I could hear him and Su-ho talking about the concepts faintly and I was low-key proud because I did work hard on them. I opened the cabinet to take out the better coffee mugs.

This is what happens when you stop drinking milk and stop growing up. I rested my hands on the kitchen pavement thinking about how many shoes with heels I'd because of my height.

I wasn't very short but I wasn't my desired height too. It was sad. I was the right person to sell the tonics concerning height because my insecurity would make me buy it. I exhaled heavily and turned around to find Namjoon behind me.

"Let me", my hips pressed against the marble pavement while his body gently pressed against my front, I could spot the mole on his neck while he calmly took the box of mugs out. "Okay?", he whispered softly and I looked on without responding.

"Thanks", I told him, hoping he'd get away from me because this had me feeling some type of way. I won't admit what type of way. That makes it worse.

"Anytime", he clicked his lips, taking a few steps back as I stirred the coffee and poured it in three cups. Should've used regular ones.

"I like the quotes on that wall", he said as I handed him his cup, taking the other two. A wall of my house was covered in post-it notes and other stuff. Some print outs of Van Gogh and Frida's works alongside other things.

"Yeah that? Thanks", I said, as I gave the cup to Su-ho. "Did you decide on something?", I asked, as I sat down and Namjoon just beside me.

"Yeah, the first one. It was kind of okay, he made some alterations so I would send it to you by...maximum tomorrow", Su-ho told me. "But why did you call him here for just this?", he asked me.

"You seem so concerned about his whereabouts", I glared Su-ho . "I told him I could just email him but he insisted on doing it in person", I looked at Namjoon who took a long sip from his coffee.

"Yeah I did, don't worry I was absolutely free", Namjoon smiled at Su-ho and I could see Su-ho fanboy-ing.

"You're so in line today", I pressed my words.

"Shut up", Su-ho eyed me. I wrapped my hands around the coffee mug feeling its warmth.

After I talked to Namjoon for a while about the shoot and he explained to me about their company procedure and how they usually did things. I didn't like doing music videos or commercials, there's a lot of time you're bound by what the music video demands and you've to stick with that so that was that. I usually preferred either cinema like movies or dramas, I hadn't done much but I had done a few and travel shows were my preference.

"I'll see you next time then", Su-ho politely remarked looking at Namjoon and he smiled and gently bowed his head. I walked with him up-to the door. "I didn't, what the hell, you could've given me a heads up?", Su-ho whispered slowly to me as I leaned against the door.

"I didn't knew you were a fan", I said and he playfully hit me on my arm.

"I still can't believe it, you've to answer my hot questions next time", he said and I nodded.

"Okay okay", I closed the door shut behind me, taking a seat on the far side of the sofa me and Namjoon were seated on. He was scanning my bookshelf and I was looking at him.

"Literally 70% of it is fiction", he said. I read a lot of fiction and he read a lot of nonfiction.

"You should read fiction", I said and he looked at me slightly pissed.

"I do read fiction just not thar much", he pointed at my bookshelf. "If you've to recommend one, shoot", he said.

"Recommend, uh, the secrets of happiness", I said randomly and his face sunk in annoyance. "It's not a book talking about literal secrets of happiness, it has a story", I told him.

"Ah okay...I will try reading that. Let me take your copy", he said.

"No", I said back in a split second.

"I won't lose it, c'mon, ___", he said. I couldn't believe his testimony on not losing it.

"Fine, but it's annotated. You'll owe me big time if you lose it", I said and he nodded vigorously.

"Your place is great", he said looking around the house and I couldn't see why, I mean yeah maybe but not that I find it great if I think from his point of view.

"I'm barely here anyway. I pay rent for no reason", I kept the empty mug in my hand on the glass table in front of us.

"That was your friend though, Su-ho?", Namjoon asked as he kept his cup, followed by me.

"Oh yeah! I met him for work but then it's been a while since I know him, it's been years actually and he's a friend now", I said thinking about Su-ho. I don't know why I bothered explaining. It's been a good five years since Namjoon and I hadn't been in touch and there was a little catching up to do.

"You've always had a lot of friends, don't you", he sighed as he sat cross legged on the sofa facing me. I do have plenty friends honestly.

"Kind of", I shrugged. His gaze on me made me sit back in a more cautious way as I fixed my posture. "Namjoon...", I called out his name when the doorbell rung and I was irritated. "Give me a second", I stood up and walked up-to the main door.

It was my neighbor who's mother had left their house keys with me and he was here to take it back. He thanked me for keeping it and walked up to his own flat which was in front of mine.

I closed the door shut and Namjoon was standing by the balcony seeing a cactus I had grown since I couldn't grow any other plant because I was never home to take care of them in case.

"It's cute", he said as he picked the potted plant and stared at it for a little while and I stood behind him and watched him see it.

"You know your pupils dilate when you see plants", I said and he smiled to himself. He kept the cactus back in its resting place and stared at me. "What?", I asked him.

"You were going to say something", he said, his voice sounded deeper then usual for a second and I licked my bottom lip in haste.

"Oh that, you know the alterations you made? I will directly mail it to the staff and maybe cc you because it won't need a second check anyway. I've to get this done a little early since I've--", he turned towards me and I took a step back but there was barely any space and my back was pressed against the wall, "--what is it?", I asked but it came out as a whisper.

"Here", he dragged his index finger across my bottom lip and there was something on my lip. I didn't really see what was on there because of his presence so close to me. My heartbeat had fastened and I could feel it. Something I didn't want to feel.

"Thanks, I guess", I said slowly and he flashed his dimple smile at me and in that moment he seemed the opposite of the dominant he was a few seconds ago.

"Do you know you look really good?", he said, as his fingers ran across my ear touching the piercings one by one. I regretted having three all of a sudden. "And I didn't intended to do this but ___ I uh", he bent over a little, his lips a few inches away from my ear and his breath was falling on my neck.

"Namjoon", I said, trying to not look at him. I knew damn well I couldn't be able to control myself.

"Hmm", his voice was so small and I could feel goosebumps all over my neck. His gaze on me was strong and I had jitters in my stomach.

"I, uh--let's not okay", I put my hands on his shoulder as he pulled me more closer with a jolt and I gasped.

"Do you really not want to?", he asked me. It was a while since I was in this close proximity of someone like this but my subconscious kept telling me not to. "I don't understand what you find so undesirable about me", he took a few steps back and looked away.

What?

"Do you think I find you undesirable?", I asked him, pressing my lips suppressing my smile. I couldn't get how could he change roles in a span of few seconds.

"Yeah, it's pretty evident really", he sighed, looking at the the far side of the sky at the horizon and I saw him sulking.

"It's not that, are you fucking dumb? It's just you know you shouldn't start things you can't take care of", I said. For some reason I've always felt a little hesitant with him. "But you're desirable enough", I added.

"Sudden validation from you, ah", he clicked his lips in mockery and I felt bad. The last thing I wanted was to look like I was playing hard to get. I didn't feel competent enough in my heart. "Let me kiss you", he said, taking a few steps closer breaking the chain of my thoughts and I hated being so much in control and feeling a little out of place.

I was back to where I was a few seconds ago, me cornered and he put his lips on mine and my body automatically responded. He took over me in a second. My hands rested on his back and clutched the fabric. His hands travelled below my hips as he pulled me upwards and my legs wrapped around his waist. He didn't stop kissing me for one second and I didn't want him to, as he pressed his mouth harder on mine and I bit back a moan. I could feel the heat in my body and every vein seemed to electrify. He walked me up-to my bedroom like he knew which suddenly felt foreign to me as he laid me on the bed, breaking the kiss and I was breathless, panting for air.

I didn't had any resort in me to stop. I didn't want him to stop. I couldn't care more about whatever that had me concerned for a while. He watched me look at him and his lips curved in a smirk. "Should I stop?", he teased me taking a seat on the edge of the bed and I looked away from him to the right side, scoffing.

I pushed myself up, my hands at the hem of the lose white t-shirt I'd on and for a second I hesitated at the fact that he must've seen better flesh than mine but I pulled it upwards exposing myself in front of him as his eyes went everywhere. "Do you want to stop?", I asked him, as I crawled over to him. He didn't object as I sat on his lap and took his face in my hands. I looked in his eyes. He looked beautiful. I traced the outline of his skull, his jaw as I pushed his hair locks that were on his forehead behind. "Do you want to stop Namjoon?", I asked him again as he held me tight, giving me my answer.

He tugged at my neck with his mouth leaving a trail of gentle kisses down and I could feel my nipples startlingly prominent beneath the black lightweight bra I had on. I clutched his hair as he bit my neck suddenly and I gasped.

He pushed me on to him, nearer but there was barely any space for me to come close and I could feel him all over. He messily kissed me before groping my bottom and I-I cut a breath in. He would take turns and be gentler a second and rough the another. "Namjoon", I called out gasping which fueled him even more. He looked at me and smiled proudly at how he had me without doing much.

He flicked the straps of my bra shoving it down exposing my breasts and I could feel my nipples harden to the point it was painful. I wanted him. I wanted him to touch me, more. The way my body responded to his touch was almost funny, how quick, how wet.

I patiently unbuttoned his shirt and stripped it off of him while he looked at me with a gaze I couldn't quite make anything of, he just looked at me while he let me work on him. My hands touched his chest and my eyes examined his torso, his skin was warm and his gaze on me gave me confidence like he wanted me back as much I wanted him.

I was forgetting my own desperation for his touch as my hand traveled behind his back, trailing down to his spine and he looked at me as he cut a sharp breath in and I felt good seeing him giving in to me. His arms surrounded mine unclasping my bra in a second and he threw it off on the floor.

I half expected him to grab me and grope my breast but he swept me in his arms as his vaguely pink mouth pressed against mine and instead of hastily grabbing me, his mouth simply rested against mine and it was worse, much more intoxicating. I, on instinct coiled my arms against his neck.

As my tongue demanded entrance and he smiled before letting me, and in a second, roles were reversed, the romantic was gone. He took control and pressed his mouth harder on me with his thumb and finger pressing my nipple and my nails dug deeper in his neck. "Joon...", I on instinct called out, as I gasped for breath but he didn't let me.

He was hard against me and I grinded next to him which seemed to please him while he left my mouth, burning with a wanting for more while my sex clenched as he took control of my body putting his arms around my back and they were free to go anywhere. I wouldn't dare stop him.

A second later, he laid me on the bed and hovered over me before taking my shorts off in a whirl and pushed my underwear off me that it didn't seem reusable. I anticipated his actions but he pushed a thumb into my bottom without no warning and I clutched the sheets, a yell escaping my mouth. My fingers curled meanwhile his other arm grabbed my breast cupping it and a second later his forefinger and middle finger slipped inside of me and my grip on the sheets tightened.

"Shh", he hissed in my ear and I hadn't realized a moan had escaped my mouth. My whole body rocked in less then a minute and I couldn't control my voice, I gasped for breath and I moaned even louder then before. "I didn't take you for a screamer ___", Namjoon seemed amused while embarrassment washed over me as I laid exposed in front of him.

"Let me go down on you", I told him and he looked taken aback as I pushed myself up.

"Do you really want to?", he asked and I shifted closer to him, placing a gentle kiss on his lips.

"I would love to", I told him. "Do you want me to?", I asked him.

"Yeah, I mean yeah", he said when his phone rang echoing in the room and his face flushed into irritation as he looked at me and I nodded gesturing him to take it. He took it out of his pocket and answered it. With every word he spoke, his irritation grew. He hung up the phone call. "Where's the wardrobe?", he asked me and my eyes pointed behind him.

Namjoon opened my wardrobe and took out a very lose t-shirt of his choice from my stack of comfortable clothes. He held my arms and slipped the t-shirt on me, pulling me close. He stroked my face and he smiled in my face which forced me to smile as well.

"Am I suppose to expect something from you or should I forget this?", I asked him as his fingers tucked the few strands of my hair behind my ear.

"You're supposed to expect everything, don't dare forget it", he whispered in my ear, nibbling on it and I couldn't help but giggle. "I want to talk to you but I've to go now and I hate it", he smiled at me.

"Okay, go", I told him and he chuckled before letting me off him and he wore his shirt back on.

After seeing him off and taking a shower, I laid back on the couch in the living room thinking about everything that had happened. I didn't regret it, I wasn't thinking much about it anyway.

The guys I'd sex with or made out with, I disliked them because of their narcissism. I appreciated my ability to find guys that were a-grade assholes. I've always had this feeling that I am lacking in some sense with other people. I look normal, like I should but I get this insecurity when taking my clothes off.

I didn't knew what Namjoon thought about it and asking him would be weird. No one who knows me like him would think I am this insecure or anxious about this stuff but then a major part of it has to do with my aura, I guess?

________________

I took a bite of the sandwich that I held in my hand as I walked around the second set just nearby to the first one. I stood afar, taking a good look, even though the storyboard fits the sights I still need to frame out a rough sketch work in my head.

I took another bite staring at the beach and the path to it and then back to the set that we'd build up by man power. It was pretty accurate in my eyes but I wanted to hear from my assistant director.

I took the walkie talkie out from the pocket of my denim and pressed the centre button, "Jae-chan, where are you?"

In a second he reverted, "Ah sunbae I am near the gripper".

"Come to the road that leads to the beach", I said, before shoving the walkie talkie down in my pocket.

The sea met the sky at the far point of the horizon and how the world is full of these illusions which are not real we know but we still believe. After all there's beauty in things that you don't get. Vastness maybe?

Sea and sky — the two melancholic blues.

"Sunbae?", Jae Chan broke the chain of my thoughts and I glanced at him before looking at the sea. His breath was heavy, I could tell he ran here.

"You could have walked, Chan-ah", I said, smiling. He was really young and passionate about filmmaking but also a little silly. He's cute.

"Ah it's okay. Did you need something?", he asked politely and I shook my head. I liked the input of many people on the same thing, it showed the number of opinions that could centre around one thing that you make in a different context which is then perceived in another.

"Do you think this is accurate in terms of the story board?", I asked him and he seemed lost in thought.

"I would say slightly better because the storyboard is still animation and this is real so I would say better. I'm pretty sure it'll be good sunbae", he told me and I could feel a smile flush on my lips. "You are nervous, aren't you?", he asked me.

"Yeah", I wrinkled my nose, turning around to walk off. I patted Jae Chan's back and he started walking with me.

"You don't have to be, and oh, he's here", he said assuring me and I knew who he meant by he.

My mind automatically went to the day in my apartment. Namjoon had messaged me after but he got busier with his work and I am not a text-er plus I'd a lot of things to do before I left Korea. It was, I didn't knew anything and I didn't want to think about it. I hoped he'd pretend nothing happened, please. But I knew he won't.

I sighed and as I entered the main set, around the vanity and food truck, the manager and Namjoon's staff members greeted me. After that, I mean impractically I wanted earth to open and swallow me. Living is hard anyway.

I'd a flight on the weekend, I'd to pack and I'd to get new boots but I'm just dumb because I'm trying to think of other things. I need a new nail paint, do I? I looked at my nails which were painted black. Maybe grey?

"Sunbae?", Jae Chan shook me and I looked at him. He gestured me to look up front and Namjoon was right there looking like Namjoon.

"Hi", I awkwardly waved at him.

"Hi", he flashed his dimple smile at me. His dimple smile hits me.

"You can get the makeup and hair done, I've a few things to recheck", I excused myself. This is awkward. This is so awkward. I hate it.

Δ

Even though I had that awkwardness lingering around but we were nearing to the end of the shoot which went really good because everyone worked so hard. It was mostly one-takes and the lighting supported the whole setting making it so easier for us to finish.

Moreover, it was a while since I had done a music video so it felt good being back on a set like this. Namjoon looked really good with the styling and although I knew the outfits pre-shoot, he still looked better then I'd imagined him to look which enhanced the whole vibe of the music video. He owned earthly tones.

That's why casting and styling is so important. Very much. Makes a gigantic difference.

"What's wrong with you?", I didn't notice he was standing next to me with a small fan in his hands while we prepped for the last shot.

"What's wrong with me?", I asked him, as I adjusted the frame in the main camera. I didn't want this conversation especially right now, especially here.

"I mean...you knowww?", I could feel his stare while I shifted the camera, something is wrong with this.

"I don't know", I said, without looking at him. I was unintentionally making him mad and nothing else.

"I was really scared that you'd say this and see, I mean, why can't you behave normal when I mention anything about us?", he hissed near me and I looked around. Luckily there was no one in our proximity to hear this conversation.

"I-I, Namjoon", I exclaimed, vaguely pointing at the setting hoping we could do this later and I could explain that I would love us but he needs to understand that I won't even be in Korea as much as he thinks I would be and that's why it won't work out.

"I don't care", he eyed me.

"I do. I care, okay? There's no us to begin with and I know I was stupid enough to ask you what I should expect out of, what would you call it, we made out. That's that", I tried being really slow and I could feel annoyance in his sight.

"Made out! Okay, okay fine. I can't believe I deal with you. You're the one who doesn't text or call or even respond to it and that's bare minimum ___", he pondered and I internally rolled my eyes.

I was leaving on the weekend. I was always leaving. That's it. "I don't have to and I have a life Namjoon. I've been working non stop all this time. I don't expect you to understand", I said, standing up from my seat while I called for the head DOP from the walkie talkie.

"You don't want to be understood ___", Namjoon said, grabbing me from my arm and stopping me. He wasn't wrong. A few eyes snapped and I forced a smile immediately. "I like you, I like you a lot. Deal with it", he walked past me.

Deal with it.

As if.

Very abruptly, the last shot rolled in and it was over. The music video was done in a day. It was originally a two day sketch but we had to narrow it down to one day because of Namjoon's schedule and it was worrisome because it did seem impossible but things went smoothly and it was successfully over.

I told Jae Chan to wrap the filming site, though most of it was done while I was present. I picked my bag from a table to leave, kept right ahead from the vanity. Namjoon had left, I guess. I wasn't sure because after the last shot he was angry. He had his jaw clenched all that time, he barely managed to keep it out on the music video.

He was like this, his anger was pretty evident and that hadn't changed.

I like you. I like you a lot.

I couldn't wrap my head around that thought. Did he like me all this time? It sounded pretty crazy to me. I had never thought about anything with Namjoon. He was a friend I could like but I didn't, I had never expected anything out of my acquaintance with him anyway.

"You ate?", his deep voice made me look at him who stood at the steps of the vanity. He hadn't left yet.

"No", I said. He had changed into his normal clothes, the makeup was gone but he still looked great. His natural complexion was shining as the set lights fell onto his face. It made me surer how Namjoon needed someone who could be there rather then somebody who's never there.

"Come eat something", he said calmly. He looked much composed then before.

"I am not hungry", I stated just when he darted towards me. He held me by my forearm, dragging me into the vanity which was empty except for us. A few dishes were laid out on the table in front of the small couch.

"Eat and leave", he said, taking a seat on one of the chairs in front of the mirrors fidgeting with his phone while I quietly sat on the couch. I just wanted it to be over but I'd no appetite so I kept staring at the couple of Italian dishes which were pasta, carbonara I guess, rissoto and also jjangmyeong. "Just eat anything ___", he said, without bothering to look at me.

"I don't really have an appetite", I said, throwing my head back and looking at the ceiling of the vanity.

"What you've is a habit of skipping meals", he eyed me.

I looked at him. "Do you remember everything? Like literally everything?", I asked him as curiosity brimmed in my eyes.

"You don't?", he asked me back. "Well, for me, yeah I do. I did remember every thing but I should probably forget now. I didn't really asked to work with you because I wanted something but I can't say I didn't hope", he locked his phone and kept it on the space in front him. "I mean, we did had something. We did have something a few days ago. You can't exactly call me a friend and I've never seen you as one. The moment you walked in trying to fix the mess on the set since then till now I can't say I didn't hope you'd look at me the same way", he said, bringing all the memories back alive, but it was true, I never looked at him the way he'd wanted me to, hell, I couldn't believe it one bit. "It's true", he said, as if he just read my mind.

It was, it didn't made sense to me. How could he? Why would he? I uh, I think shit's wrong with me because even now I can't seem to focus on someone who confessed their feelings and that someone being Namjoon from all people.

I remember when I was one of the assistant directors under the director for one of the most low-key and low budget project. They didn't had many resources and our firm wasn't doing well either. We always had to come up with hacks, unknown locations for shooting...it was always so hard. We didn't had any respect in the industry.

It was two companies in one boat at the end of bankruptcy and we were so young and such good friends. I knew the rest of the members too but I kind of had a certain vibe with Namjoon. He could get me without having to speak.

I locked at him, his face was fixated on me and I could like him, in fact I did love him not romantically, I just did. I had a lot of love for him. He was caring for the people around him and I loved talking to him. He never once made anyone feel like he was a celebrity back then and a global celebrity now well yeah. He did deserve someone who could be here for him.

He stood up and walked towards me and my eyes followed him. He took a seat next to me and I could see he picked a bowl up but I didn't see which one because I couldn't stop looking at him. Namjoon took a significant amount and extended it to me and I looked at the noodles for a second and then at him. He just nodded and I ate it.

It was good.

"Thanks", I said, wiping the corners of my mouth with my fingers.

"Do you want me to feed you all the way or can you eat your own?", he asked me.

"I will eat", I told him and he gave me the bowl so I could eat on my own. "You ate?", I asked him and he instantly nodded.

"You're going somewhere, aren't you?", he asked me and I felt as if I've just been struck with something.

"Hmm", I said, my mouth almost filled. "And, I...I want to tell you something like adults and clear it. Namjoon you know my work and I am always not here, never. It's useless. Trust me on this, it's not like that but you know you'll need someone beside you and I can't be the one", I told him, calmly, before gulping water down.

"I know that but I'm okay with it. In fact, we would go hand in hand better because I can't take you out on exotic dates as well. This is what you get", he vaguely gestured at the vanity and I chuckled and he warmly smiled at me.

After a second, I spoke much seriously then before, "It will be hard and you know that. It'll be frustrating. You could hate me".

"If you've tired it with someone before, I am not exactly happy knowing this, but you shouldn't compare me with some random dude with a peculiar taste in leather clothing", he rolled his eyes, shifting his back comfortably.

"Hey! Don't be mean just because you see stuff on my Instagram", I scoffed and he maintained his long face.

"No really, what do you take me for? You think you won't have time for me? I won't have time for you", he went on.

"Namjoon", I dragged his name. His tendency to be sarcastic at odd moments is unmatched.

"Don't call my name like that", he stared at my eyes.

"Like what?", I asked him.

"Like you can love me", he said.

"I...you don't have to be like this", I said, keeping the empty bowl on the table.

"Give me a chance then, try it out. I would wait for you I promise", Namjoon took my hand in his and covered it with his warmth.

"Will I be able to...wait?", I looked away from him, thinking about it so hard.

"___ don't think too much. I promise, we'll be fine", he said, his hands travelling to my waist and before he could grab it. I screeched closer to him. I cupped his face and attached my lips to his, while his hands held on my body.

________________

My relationship with Namjoon was better then I imagined it. I tried my best to be there for him and he was surprisingly almost there for me but it wasn't exactly easy.

It was months and months of hardships and Namjoon was more needy then I thought him to be, he needed a lot of assurance. I don't understand the notion that he holds of everyone wanting me so he needs to be extra careful. I still don't get that his insecure ass doesn't trusts his own members, he won't let me meet them at all.

He was really different. He shifted from dominant to romantic in one second. I loved that. I kind of missed it so much.

He held my hand I could feel it by the way his skin felt against mine, he whirled me around and in a second his hand rested on my waist as he urged me to walk next to him. He was in a perfect disguise and I looked at him. I could tell he was smiling beneath his black mask.

"See, this is why I don't trust other guys! How could you let someone do this to you in the midst of the road in a foreign country?", he asked me.

"No stranger would confidently do this to anyone in a foreign country", I playfully hit him on his leg and he stopped, pretending to be gravely hurt. "I can't believe you", I looked at him as I went with his act. I supported him in standing completely. In a second, he intertwined his fingers with mine.

"I missed you", he softly whispered in my ear.

"I missed you too", I whispered back, softly. I pulled him in an empty alley and pulled his mask down. "I need you to do something", I told him, nibbling on his ear and I could feel my skin feel the heat that it yearned for since a couple of months before him going on tour.

"Right now?", he asked surprised.

"Yeah, right now", I said and I could feel him harden against my pelvis.

"You are...so, not right now. Let's go to your hotel room. I'm still famous", he pulled me closer and I chuckled. He turned me around, pulling his mask down, he kissed me hard. His mouth pressed against mine. I held him tightly and he gasped. "I love you", he softly said before pulling his mask up.

"I, you", I held his hand again.

[sonecaratt]

Ah! Love // y.jh scenario

Ah! Love  // How I met the irressistible young bartender //

pairing: yoon jeonghan x reader  genre: 20s, 30s, romance, oneshot(?), barman!y.jh, romantic friendship. word count: 1241

There was that old bar at the end of the road, the bar that was already well know in the neighborhood because of the loud music that were always played during the nights. I never was an outgoing person, always focused on my study schedule, but this time I allowed myself to accept my aunt's invitation to celebrate her recent engagement.

She said she was going to find me a man that I could marry, i don't think getting married early is correct, but it is very common around here.

I don't think she could do that or find someone at all. All the men here are just ignorant, sexist and arrogant. None of them would care about the feelings of a girl like me.

That's what I thought.

Finally i had found a reason to wear the red light fabric dress I had won on my birthday. Its size reached just below my knees, the sleeve was short and there was a cleavage dangerous enough who show a great part of my collarbone. 

The walk was not long, soon we  — me, my aunt e her friends arrived at the relatively large and recently renovated bar. From a distance you could hear some pleasant jazzy songs playing while many older men were drinking, smoking and laughing out loud. Outside the bar wasn’t much different, many people stayed around as if they were waiting for something or someone that could get their attention.

I was busy enough with thoughts about the book I had read earlier, The Man in The Brown Suit, to pay attention to the people around me. It left me thinking about the pile of writings that I had left on my writing desk, dreaming that one day I would publish them and that they would be successful. 

I would like to write the perfect story. And it occupied my mind most of the time. But not enough that I didn't notice the beautiful display of expensive drinks that were placed on the luxurious counter on my left, at the back of the bar.

Not enough to make me didn't notice the reddish hair that soon rose from the bottom of the counter, thus allowing me to see their owner. A pair of eyes met mine, the first thing I felt is that I could remain in this same position for a long time. 

Certainly a few good seconds had passed.

The brown suit. The eyes. That red hair. His smirk.

Bingo!

— Do you want to drink something? — he asked me while taking something from the counter

— I don’t drink. I can't pay for that either.

At that moment he smiled. An innocent, distracted smile, as if he were laughing at the way I said the phrase. He was certainly not that old compared to the men around him. His face was youthful, it could easily be someone my age. He was well dressed, he didn't look like a bartender. Who was he anyway?

— You don't have to pay, it's courtesy of the house.

As soon as he said that, he turned his attention to the other customers who were there. At this hour, my aunt would probably be toasting while enjoying the music that gave grace to the whole atmosphere of that end-of-street bar. Indeed, you could hear my aunt talking loudly from a distance. I should be close as I always knew that his drinking habits were never the best, but I had more important questions now. No, it was not the drink courtesy.

— Are this lady accompanied? — He asked inattentively

— Not really. My aunt is celebrating her engagement with her friends over there. — He did not answer, as he served some more customers beside me. With that, I could see his side profile. He was not from here. — Are you new here? You don’t look familiar.

He smiled as he looked back at me. A smile that was like an arrow. An arrow from a cupid, innocent and warm. Despite being young, he seemed mature enough to handle that bunch of drunken old men in old black suits who keep shouting bets and bumping into each other while ordering more and more drinks. And it wasn't long before, in the meantime, one of them hit me. My physique is not strong, which caused me to become a little unstable. If I hadn't held on to the counter I would have easily fallen to the floor. The boy in front of me looked annoyed, but he couldn't do anything anyway, we were separated by a large piece of refined wood.

— These men are brutes! — I exclaimed furiously, getting a laugh from the other.

— I'm new here. I came to help my older brother with the bar's investments, i'm trying to be a young businessman.

— Serving drinks? — He laughed at my comment. 

The minutes passed very quickly since we had started some kind of conversation. I hadn't drunk anything, but I lost count of how many times the young guy in front of me had served others who came and went from the bar. And when the bar was getting empty, we danced. 

While my aunt gossiped already outside, in front of the bar with her friends, we danced to the last song that would be played that night. We danced to a calm jazzy song, really close to each other. I could feel his woody scent joining mine as we were so close.

And my nights started to be like this.

Whenever I could, I went to the bar down the street to talk to the young bartender. I had told him about my dream of writing fictional stories and he said they could help me with anything, so I always had an excuse to be able to see the handsome man with red hair almost burgundy. And every time, before I could leave, we joke around while talking about a lot of things. He once asked me if any of those men who attended there had caught my attention. The truth was I kept thinking about the way his arms hugged my waist when we danced, or the way his voice and his scent calmed me down as the night grew denser.

I've heard a lot of stories about fate, and i didn't used to believe them. Until the day his lips touched mine. At that moment, I would like to write an entire book talking about how it made me feel in the clouds. He was like an angel, sent only for me.

His lips felt like the sweetest, softest cotton candies I could ever have experienced in my life. 

I would like to immortalize all the feelings I was feeling for the boy I had met in front of an old bar counter and somewhere, sometime later, someone could identify with what I was feeling at the time. It was love, pure love. Love at its form. Jeonghan’s love.

— Should i call you my wife from now on?  — He asked as I felt his hot breath on my bare neck.

And the music came to an end, while he made a loving kiss trail till my lips.

Ah! Love If I show you something Will you worry about me every morning Firework launched in the middle of the sea A bursting heart is like my heart one day, anywhere

hi, it's been a while since I published anything related to reactions, imagines, scenarios or whatever. I just found an inspiration and, taking the opportunity to practice my english, I wrote this ... thing. maybe I'll do part 2. I don't know. that's it.

[seafoamchild]

october 14th

i finally saw austin again today for the first time since i dumped him a month ago. he was very much a sadboi. but we had a good conversation, just catching up about each other's lives and then delving into deeper things like how he was spiraling after we broke up and how we both have super avoidant traits that we need to work on. like how we both knew something wasn't right between us physically/sexually but we both kept avoiding the conversation. and i guess he feels just as guilty of that as i do. i didn't realize how much anxiety he was carrying throughout the relationship, i guess about having such strong feelings for me and sensing that i didn't reciprocate the feelings. and that's partly on me for being avoidant. like he interpreted my distance as me just being cautious after recently getting out of a somewhat unhealthy relationship, and also just my experiences with predatory men. i was in a pretty confused state myself. i'm so bad at trusting my intuition sometimes. like i knew my true feelings the whole time but there's always that part of me that's like "what if?? what if you just see what happens?? you never know til you try". it's hard to turn off that voice in my head. i need to get better at listening to it, because it's always right.

i felt like i wasn't really present in our conversation. one, because i was so tired. i haven't been sleeping well at all. so i felt like a zombie today. two, because i am incredibly detached from my emotions. it's like i've lost the capacity to really feel things. like there's just a void within me. or like i'm a clogged drain. there are so many experiences and emotions bottled up inside me but i can't really feel or process or release any of them. and three, i just didn't really know what to say to him. he's pouring his heart out to me and describing how deeply he cares for me and basically insinuating that he was/is in love with me without actually saying it, and i never felt any of those things. like i do care about him, but not on that level. i never really thought of him as more than a very close friend. so it's hard to listen to him talk about the way he feels about me and not be able to really relate or reciprocate.

he also gave me a letter. it was 8 pages handwritten, describing how he feels about me. it was actually extremely thoughtful and well-written and sweet and genuine, probably the nicest thing anyone's ever written to me. but again, i can't reciprocate the feelings. he wrote about how he had this intense desire to have a long-term partnership and boundless intimacy with me, before we even kissed or did anything physical. he wrote about how i've inspired him to appreciate little things in life, to not take life too seriously, to try new things, and how i made him really feel emotions and desires for the first time in a long time, and how he cares for me immeasurably, and that his best friend asked him to describe how he feels about me and he said "if she was stranded in the wilderness in Alaska in the wintertime, i would drive all the way there to look for her". he wrote paragraphs describing all the ways he is physically attracted to me, like my smile and my freckles and my facial expressions and the way i dress and the way i smell. how he felt like we were the only two people in the world when we were kissing, which i feel so bad about because usually when we were kissing i was just waiting for it to be over. he wrote about how he loves my taste in music, and how he felt safety, kindness, and genuineness in my presence. he felt joy and delight sometimes, but never desire (from me). and it gave him so much anxiety.

i didn't realize the depth of his feelings for me. i knew he was more invested than i was, but damn. i think he was really in love with me. the letter should have made me cry, but again, i'm far too detached from my emotions to feel anything. i just don't really know what to say. i can't help the things i feel or don't feel. i wish it didn't have to be this way. i do really care for him and i think he's a wonderful, thoughtful person with so much to offer the world and i love talking to him and going on adventures with him and laughing at stupid shit together. and it is sad that i can't reciprocate his feelings. but he is very respectful of that, and he's not trying to get me back or make me feel guilty or anything like that. he wants to be friends but with a lot more boundaries. so i hope we can navigate that.

SIGH. this is a lot. and tomorrow i'm going to devil's lake with Elliott and i'm going to have to have the conversation AGAIN about how i don't feel a romantic connection and i don't want a relationship and i kind of feel like he wants those things with me so it's probably going to be awkward and stupid and OMG i need to stop dating people because this is such a mess. jfc

[love-your-stance]

Woosung's in Vancouver Tonight!

I have a few random thoughts before I drop my playlist faves today.

I'm excited that I picked up VIP tickets for Woosung's concert tonight.

It's going to be a REAL long day, (come early - leave late) but I think it's going to be worth it.

He is playing at a small venue so it's going to be great to be upfront and so close.

My only heartfelt prayer is that I get some decent video of the occasion. distance will certainly not be the problem.



I remember the first time I listened to The Rose. I found one of their music videos by accident on YouTube (which is pretty well how I found all my favorite Asian artists while wading my way through this pandemic.) They were playing one of their songs in an empty swimming pool. (Damned if I can find the video now.)

Three thoughts came to my mind at the time.

Wow, an Asian band playing their instruments - They were the first I'd actually seen doing so, and thought they were SO cool.

2. Hey.... They're in an empty swimming pool - I wonder what the acoustics are really like down there...

3. OMG... Listen to that voice!! and just like that, I was hooked on their music.

Woosung's voice is unique, there's only one singer I've heard with a similar sound and he plays in the group Nell - which, Ironically, is another band. I can't wait for tonight.

I am hoping that Woosung finds his visit to Vancouver fun and eventful. I don't think all international artists who come to Canada have a positive experience. I say this because...

I saw Eric Nam back in February. That was an awesome concert, he was very engaged with the audience, and there was a party vibe in the air the whole time.

My only disappointment with his visit to Vancouver.

Well originally, he'd been scheduled for one day, and they opened that up to three. I suspect it was related to COVID in some way, but in despite his extended stay. He didn't discuss his visit to Vancouver. He has been prolific on Instagram with sharing shots of the different venues he's visited during his Tour, but you'll not see anything for Vancouver and when he was here - he addresses us as if we were from the States... Perhaps just a mistake on that part, but then no physical proof of his visit to us. I'd like to think he had an enjoyable time here, but his not discussing it makes me wonder if his visit here wasn't as pleasant as it was for us who came to see him...I'm not offended, but I am curious. Real curious.

My only other disappointment was with the quality of my video that night. And it's not that I don't have a decent phone as I have a Samsung Galaxy S21 Ultra, so I suspect much of the issue was the person behind the camera and not the phone itself!



Back to Woosung....

His latest EP is exceptional, and on YouTube, I've seen clips from a few of the concerts he's had on this tour. He generates huge energy, and one of the video posters mentioned some examples of just how caring and considerate he was toward the audience. I guess one of the venues was very hot, and he actually stopped his concert until he was satisfied everyone was alright.

So I can't wait! I'm sure I will write about it later.



On Final Track today... (track.. song.... ...)

GSoul is also having a North America tour. Tickets for his Vancouver show were released this weekend. It will also, be held in a small intimate venue. The price is VERY good, and I was going to get some more VIP seats...

I almost hit the button to purchase my ticket (literally on the 'get tickets button' when something told me to wait a sec and double-check...I looked at the date of the concert... and said... Well FUCK me. and then pouted...still pouting in fact.

Wouldn't you know it the concert falls on our wedding anniversary - The day we are heading out of town...

As I know the husband has invested quite a bit for our tenth anniversary, I know which choice I should take...Right?

LOL.

IMO, GSoul is a fantastic singer. In fact. I'd state that he is phenomenal at singing as well as composing on the fly.

I'm subscribed to many artists on Instagram. It's always great when they come on to spend a few minutes with their fans. I've been on virtual walks, car rides, in bed, and at the pub with them to name a few places artists like to be in contact with their fans. I often record their visit. Many of those artists will gift us with songs during their visit of either their songs or covers and it's always nice to hear them in a less formal medium.

Many of the singers come on Instagram, and give an impromptu mini concert and it's great that they will sing on the fly like that. From this experience, I've learned that not all singers can put it all out there (vocally speaking) - having done some singing long ago in my past, I know just how challenging it can be to just sing on demand and be happy with your performance. in fact, few can pull it off.

I found GSoul to be an exception. what comes out of his mouth is crazy, and I had to remember to let go of my breath at one point because I was so impressed with the runs he was using - just casually as his mind was working on composing some new music.

Hopefully next time, I will be able to see him. I put a playlist together with some of his stuff. give it a listen if you've got a few minutes or are looking for some nice bluesy music to chill too.

[thelocalshooter]

The Local Shooter Vs. Quan Draper

(LS) Hello thank you being apart of this great come up can we go ahead and start by introducing yourself for those who don’t know you? Who are you? Where are you from and what do you do?

(QD) What's good! My name is Quan Draper. I'm an artist and entrepreneur from Iowa - born and raised in Sioux City. I graduated from Iowa State University in May '18, but I been in the music game since before I even went to college.

(LS) How do you think music affected your life? What was your first memory you remember where you knew that music would be your passion?

(QD) Music's always resonated with me especially as a young half black / half white kid. Music is woven through sports, TV, film, etc and it shaped who I wanted to be. Music affords me the opportunity to influence people and relate to them without having to get to know them. I'm able to entertain, inspire, empathize, and educate people by using my creativity and my taste. Some of my first memories of music stem from early memories of my father. Having looked up to him as my primary role model, I looked forward to him picking me up from daycare and after school activities with his 22" rims blastin' hip hop through his speakers. He's a hip hop head so my preference for bars comes directly from him. Since I could remember, music was important for me and it was always a passion. As a kid though, I was encouraged to do some other things that I was good at - mainly academics. It got me a full ride to college, but I knew music would prevail for me because I was always writing music - in class, in traffic, at home. That type of consistency spoke to how much I loved it and it drove me to take my career seriously as I got my bag up.

(LS) You have a couple projects out of major platforms right now, with lovely being your most recent release what’s your next move? What’s in the works right now for Quan?

(QD) I have a lot of music in the vault, I just have to prepare them for release! I wanna drop a couple visuals, a couple EPs, and a lot of singles to really establish myself with my core fans. I gotta be more invested in giving them content and being visible.

(LS) What are you goals as a musician are you looking to get signed eventually if so what would be the top three label you would want offers from or are you better of being independent?

(QD) I'm honestly not looking for a deal right now. I believe in my skills as an entrepreneur so I don't see myself needing to work with a major unless they could solve a problem that I couldn't solve myself like radio play or securing a direct support slot on a major tour which could benefit me greatly. Most production can be done without a label's backing, you just have to get on the phone or get in the DMs of the right people and take action. It's cliché, but life really is what you make it. Nobody will pickup the phone and give you opportunities. You have to earn them and you have to ask for what you want.

(LS) When it comes to your creative process are you picky about your studio? The time? The people or are you one of those who can literally put a mic in the center of the room and get things done?

(QD) I'm particular, yes, but I'm all about working with what you have. You can successfully record at home, on the road in a hotel room, at a recording studio, or anywhere. It depends on context though.

(LS) Who are some artist you look forward to working locally or even out of state? Do you look for certain something in the artist you work with or how does that work?

(QD) Features goin up in 2020 for sure. Psychedelic Sidekick, Zypher, and iswearimjoey from my city are all dope as fuck. Marc J as well. I'm good friends with Norman from Ames, Iowa. We got a solid rapport. And there are a couple guys out of Omaha that are nice, too - BODA and K Sean. I pay attention to how guys move and if they're forward thinking. I wanna link with guys who are building short term and long term. It's not easy or cheap to move like a boss, but I refuse to work with anybody who moves like an employee. I can hire for that, I need partnership.

(LS) As far as local talent how do you think you place? Do you find your friendly locals to be more of competition or just peers?

(QD) I'm not gonna compare because everyone has their own lens on it, but I know I'm top tier talent-wise globally. I'm not even thinking locally. I haven't proven myself completely, but I can compete with anybody when it comes to this music shit. I'm comin from all angles - merch, visuals, projects, singles, and at some point short films and a youtube show, etc. It's all in the works, I just need time. We're peers though. They wouldn't fuck with me on a competitive standpoint. I don't think they have any incentive to make that sort of choice.

(LS) You have visuals out for “QB1” already do you plan on doing any more for any other singles this year or is your focus more on the tracks for now?

(QD) Visuals are a toppppp priority. I got a few concepts I'm ready to shoot with my guy Devin Phaly. Hardest working guy I know! Very grateful to work with him. He pushes me to be great and not just good at my craft. We'll do at least 3 more videos this year, maybe 4 if I can build momentum.

(LS) As you’ve grown and traveled through the journey of making music what’s one valuable lesson you learned going through it that you carry with yourself through the rest of the journey?

(QD) I think trusting the process and commitment to your definite chief aim is mission critical. I've learned that you don't get better at making songs unless you make more songs. It's easy to set long term goals. It's a challenge to stay committed when you aren't seeing results. Detaching from results and focusing on what you control can really drive productivity and quality up because you're harnessing your energy in the right place - the product. That's what lasts. That's what people remember. Not the cover, not marketing, but the song itself. I've made a commitment to myself that I'll chase this dream and I'll make the necessary sacrifices to see it through.

(LS) Thank you again for being apart of this great come up, anything else you’d like to let the fans and viewers know about what you got going on or any links you’d like to drop where they can listen to your music? Should we keep our eyes open for anything else coming this 2020?

(QD) Add me on every platform - Quan Draper or @quandraper. I'll have more everything out in 2020, but specifically be ready for content in all forms. Thank you for having me! I gotta do this again soon. I appreciate your time!

The Local Shooter Vs. Quan Draper