#and I don’t wanna make a new one bc I associate instagram with (me) being fake

[vapeman]

the upshot is that its been so fucking long since a single person from high school/early college has actually “known me” while with the new friends I have none of us dgaf about what we were like 3+ years ago (shorter than that even) we just chill as we are instead of being burdened with fears that our past selves will always define us. I can just tell them “I was desperate to be a person and in the process became a caricature” and theyre like fuck that you’re real now. & thats all that matters

[dyouevendraw]

About me

So, I thought I’d probably be best to just make a pinned post with some info so I’m not just a void who throws art a a wall. (I’m probably gonna edit as things change) But here we go:

My tiktok is dyoueven

My instagram is dyouevendraw

My name is D, sometimes people still call me Fay, I don’t mind that either

I’m 22 years old

I use they/them pronouns, I’m fine with he/him too. I’d call myself nonbinary or even agender, leaning towards the masc side. It’s a struggle

Additionally to that, I am ace and my romantic attraction is 🤷🏼. I like androgyny and femininity if that says anything lmao

I have a hypermobilty condition, thus, my physical health is very inconsistent. Sometimes I feel fine for weeks, sometimes I can barely move my arms. Luckily, I don’t dislocate easily, I mostly get joint pain, pinched nerves, random bruises and badly healing wounds. Additionally, I seem to have a mild variant of long covid, which is making my lungs weak, so sometimes physical activities winds me badly even though it’s not hard work.

I am autistic and only found out around 2 years ago, thus, school burned me out! I was bullied by my teachers and they ignored all the signs of a struggling student, so I developed bad social anxiety (added by other events with former friends and general genetics probably). I took a year off of art to focus on getting a better mindset, and I guess I’ve been back since this year.

I am a clumsy and unlucky person, that’s why I say I am like Xie Lian a lot (send me a Hua Cheng)

I like k-pop. Currently, I like BTS, TXT, SKZ, LE SSERAFIM, New Jeans, Red Velvet and SHINee.

Other artists I like are: Tatsuya Kitani, Eve, The Oral Cigarettes, Vaundy, King Gnu, Queen Bee and MCR (what a mix)

Fandoms I’m in include(I’m sure I’ll add more danmei when I’m done reading them):

TGCF (I have beef with it but I’m deeply in love)

MDZS

SVSSS (still reading, on volume 2)

JJK

AOT

Sometimes I like Marvel. I only care about Spider-Man and Loki

TLOZ

Pokémon

(Always open to suggestions for more things, especially when they’re queer🤠👍🏻)

I write my own stories and am working on an AU that includes many fantastical being, though I am not entirely sure if that’s ever gonna see the light of day bc I don’t see anyone caring about my writing lol (it already has 137.000 words I’m not even joking it’s not funny, why am I writing this)

I’m sure I’ll post more of my OC’s when I find the time. My favorite is Harumi, he’s the main character in the fantastic beings AU, as a werewolf

I am so sorry my humor is super trauma based, bare with me it’s okay to laugh at my pain, it’s how I process, I swear

My favorite food is anything indian (especially aloo mutter, I bathe in that), pizza (only the one I make), and (red) thai curry.

That’s the only thing that sets me apart from Xie Lian, I eventually did learn how to cook and apparently people like my food!! (I add cinnamon and chili to everything, maybe that’s the key?)

I love building lego and organizing things by category (why I didn’t get diagnosed with asd is beyond me, I’ve always been like that)

I mostly draw on an Ipad with procreate, but I wanna get into watercolor and copics too, I just feel like I’m wasting the suff when things don’t turn out how I wanted them to be

I am horrible at texting and get anxious over it

I had another account here I was running for years, but I was in a pretty icky fandom and didn’t want to associate with the reputation that came with it, thus, I left. I am not the stupid, hurt and depressed teenager I was anymore, and that’s great!

I am german, though, I speak English so much I might as well be a native speaker

That’s it for now, you can always feel free to ask my questions, my (anonymous) asks, submissions and reblogs are always open, I just won’t answer if you’re rude🤠✌🏻

[briarmarred]

(  timothee chalamet  ,  twenty-two  ,  cis male  ,  he/him  )  *  fun  fact  about  me  ?  okay  ,  let’s  see  .  .  .  i spent more time in rehab after key biscayne than out of it  .  crazy  ,  right  ?  i’m  briar marlowe  ,  i  live  in  my family’s massive neoclassical italian-style villa mansion on ocean lane here  in  key  biscayne  ,  &  not  to  brag  ,  but  my  family’s  worth  around  $825M .  pretty  decent  for  luxury hotel and resort chain owners  ,  huh  ?  we’ve  been  around  for  some  time  ,  but  in  town  ,  everyone’s  always  associated  me  with  the  gatsbys  ;  but  it’s  not  like  that’s  my  whole  identity  ,  or  anything  .  while  filming  for  key  biscayne  ,  it  was  surprising  when  i’d  get  dragged  on  twitter  for  being  “  cold  ,  aggressive  ,  &  holier-than-thou  ,   ”  but  the  cameras  don’t  see  everything  ,  &  my  real  fans  know  that  i’m  nothing  but  perceptive  ,  protective  ,  &  tenacious  .  i’m  not  too  bothered  by  it  though  ,  because  since  the  series  ended  ,  i’ve  published a novel under a pseudonym .  follow  me  on  instagram  @briar.marred  to  keep  up  .  ✎  rose  ,  22  ,  she/her  !

what’s up, y’all? i’m rose, rich kids rps are my trash, i have depression and i’d say i’m 60% dysfunctional, but that’s nothing compared to briar here ! he’s high key trash and i can’t wait to tell you all about him ! the skinny is under the cut, and i’ll be making a plotting call on discord shortly. 

statistics. 

full name. briar elias marlowe.  age. 22.  birthdate. december 25, 1997.  gender + pronouns. cis male + he/him orientation. bisexual.  hometown. key biscayne, fl. 

biography. 

yes, briar was born on christmas day. his mom called him a gift. despite all evidence to the opposite, she still insists briar is precisely what she deserved. 

he’s the youngest of two children, his older brother being called windsor, who is... probably a bit of a sociopath. essentially, briar takes after their mother, windsor takes after their father. 

their mother was chronically depressed, in and out of rehab her whole life. she’s definitely bought plenty of goop products, believes in alternative medicine and has tried every spiritual treatment out there. she’s fucking somewhere, probably in an ashram in india about to be inducted into a cult. 

their father is exceedingly cold and an incredibly cutthroat businessman, the ceo of basically the four seasons of this world. it’s still privately owned by the marlowes, and has a top-tier reputation. i just realized i have yet to name it, so i will call it, the marlowe. ta-da. 

anyways needless to say briar didn’t get a whole lot of love in his childhood. he was a quiet and introspective kid, very snl’s wells for boys. his older brother is a dick. briar was often left alone to his own devices. he broke into the house wine cellar at age 12, started smoking at age 13, and it’s been downhill from there.

on key biscayne, i mostly see him as like the gloomy intellectual bad boy. like people thought he was cool for like five seconds until all the viewers realized he’s an annoying mess. honestly, reality tv stardom was the last thing he needed. 

as his fun fact mentioned, basically ever since key biscayne ended and briar all but trashed the marlowe family reputation for being such a self-absorbed addictive drama queen, he’s been to rehab longer than he’s been out of it. and, at the start of this rp, he’s recently come out of rehab again and is basically forced to stay at his family home on ocean lane. his entire family is basically travelling all the time, so he’s all alone. 

oh yeah and he wrote a book while in rehab, under a pseudonym, e. e. gilmore. it’s like kind of a social commentary but also kind of about monster fucking ? very shape of water. anyways it’s now a new york times bestseller and briar has ...... extremely mixed feelings bc expectations ???? he hates those. 

personality. 

capricorn sun, scorpio moon and rising. i got a migraine just writing that he’s so annoying. 

intp and enneagram type 4 if you care abt that kind of thing

stubborn as FUCK and dramatic as ALL HELL. 

though i will maintain he’s pretty fucking funny. he’s very self-aware and has like the most deadpan, bleak sense of humor. there are definitely some gifs from key biscayne that still get circulated of just him saying in confessional, completely monotone, “i’d rather eat my own f***ing eyeballs than see that.” cut to that happening, and pan to briar staring directly at the camera as he mimes jabbing his eye with a fork and popping it into his mouth. morbid, but that’s him. 

he’s not the type to start drama for fun, but he is the type to self-sabotage and create drama for himself. 

is, as of now, kind of trying to stay clean ? but that won’t last for long. he still drinks wine like it’s all gonna expire and is two pod a day juuler. yes i said two. 

is extremely emotional but if you ask him about his feelings he’ll be like. what feelings? literally both tian and david in that one vine. 

“you ever wanna talk about your emotions, tian?” “no.” “i do.” “i know, david.” “i’m sad.” “i know, david.” 

wanted connections. 

The Ex. definitely became a least favorite on key biscayne when he fucked this person over. he’s bi, so any gender please apply. 

other exes. because he’s messy and definitely has more than one. 

brat pack. a pack of people he makes just awful awful decisions with. 

former best friend. briar has burned a lot of bridges in some ugly, ugly ways, so let’s tear each other’s hearts out with this! very rue and lexi from euphoria teas.

frenemies. they’re basically just assholes to each other for the fun of it. very much this energy.

fwb. briar is three things: messy, sad, and horny. 

enemies. i tried to be more specific in naming this connection but like … briar is not the easiest person to get along with. he definitely has a whole lotta enemies.

[evangclines-blog1]

what  if  we  ......  pretended  this  was  a  good  intro  .....  aha  just  kidding  .....  unless  ?  i  was  just  gonna  link  to  all  my  stuff  but  ...  ur  girl  wrote  a  lot  and  i  don’t  wanna  be  cruel  and  force  u  all  to  read  everything  JDBWBDJBWJ  so  here we  go  !!   <3

( VENUS, PARK SOOYOUNG, CIS FEMALE, SHE /HER ) guess what, EVANGELINE RHEE has just landed in cannes with their private jet. they are a TWENTY-TWO year old socialite, who spends much of their time & money UPDATING THEIR SKINCARE ROUTINE. i think their family is in the ENTERTAINMENT INDUSTRY and their net worth is around 10B USD.   

first things first ... i’m gonna drop some links in case u want to read everything i wrote at 6 am the day the submit closed bc im stoopid like that <3 

here u can find her full bio, stats, extended stats, and hcs ! the hcs are definitely the most fun to read so i recommend going to that page hehe

into the summary we go !

BACKSTORY:  suicide mention tw

eva’s dad is a movie producer and her mom was the beautiful woman he met at a train station <3 her parents had a very whirlwind romance, very love at first sight, very passionate and intense type of relationship literally everything you see in hollywood ? they had that ! they got married after only a year of knowing each other and had eva soon after 

thats when things got not-so-picturesque /: after having eva, her mom entered a pretty dark depression. eva’s dad ( who had been aware of his wife’s mental health and even warned by her family against doing anything crazy like getting married and having a whole baby so fast ) was kinda in denial about everything. eva’s mom still had her good days, but the bad days were really bad & when eva was only two years old her mom had an accident & passed away 

so while eva’s dad was grieving, he sent little eva to new york city to go live with her grandma !! eva adored her grandmother more than anyone else. she was a retired jazz singer, and a lot of what they did together was sit around and listen to old records <3 eva lived with her until she was five years old & that’s pretty much the only childhood she can remember since her mom died when she was so young !! 

when her dad brings eva back to france, he’s doing a lot better. he’s back to producing movies and throwing parties and being a part of society again ( things he had stopped while he was grieving for his wife ) and he even found his own form of “medicine” which was simply the company of beautiful women ! most of them were young actresses he met through his work, all of them were gorgeous, and they all adored little eva <3 

eva adored them right back ! they taught her stuff she imagined all mother’s teach their daughters: how to dress well, how to smell nice, how to get people’s attention, what makeup to wear, how to do your hair, how to speak so everyone hangs on to your every word, etc. she was still a little girl but she was absorbing all these lessons like a sponge, & it’s a big part of why she’s so obsessed with her own femininity and why she’s got this mindset about being beautiful inside & out in order to feel balanced. 

none of the women her dad brought home were ever at her house for more than a week. her father, who had been a notorious bachelor before eva’s mother, seemed incapable of falling in love again. that was his first and maybe only lesson to eva, which was how to break hearts, which is something else she absorbed & carried with her as she grew up

as eva grew up, she kinda became obsessed with trying to imagine what her mom had been like. no one in her family liked to talk about her, especially not her dad, but she knew she looked just like her and she was kinda always trying to fill in the blanks. but then one christmas her dad let it slip that her mom’s death hadn’t been an accident at all, that it had been on purpose. that was kind of the turning point for eva & she just kind of....stopped trying to re imagine her mom after that just kinda wanting to let her rest /:

she also went through a phase of doing stuff just because she could. she’d flirt with people’s boyfriends, she’d make strangers fall in love with her, she’d date people just to break up with them suddenly, etc. she kind of realized just how much she could get away with, but more than that, just how far people would go when they fell in love. she was obsessed with that, but also kind of jealous of those people just because she’d never felt that kind of soul shattering love for someone before and she really does want to </3 while she’s never been in love before, and while she does get bored of lovers easily, she still feels a type of attachment that is sometimes so strong she’s not willing to let the other person go even if she’s being selfish by hanging onto people she can’t get serious abt /: thats just life sometimes......whore rights !

FUN FACTS , PERSONALITY, AND TIDBITS: whore antics tw

 goes by eva, never evangeline. her grandma has always called her angel, and so that nickname has also carried over naturally

libra sun AND moon babey ! read abt it here

wears euphoria makeup to do groceries

 moved from paris to new york city for college to attend columbia university. double majored in english literature and business management. 

created what she called the “manhattan group” in reference to the bloomsbury group, which was a group of associated english writers, intellectuals, philosophers and artists in the first half of the 20th century ( that included writers like virginia woolf ) duringher freshman year. although meetings were supposed to be about discussing literature, it mostly became a place to drink warming champagne, flirt, and gossip. eva hosted the events & meetings off campus inside her loft. the manhattan group only lasted her freshman year though, as rumors of all the underage drinking and “cult-like behavior” persuaded her to drop it. that, and the fact that more than one member had fallen in love with her and things were getting quite tense. 

she never carries a lighter because she likes the way more than one person will offer her one if she asks for a light <3 

it’s a famous rumor that eva once spilled her drink on her chanel mini-dress at a charity gala and stripped down to her lingerie in front of everyone. it would have stayed a rumor if it wasn’t for the instagram story that went up of her only her underwear. 

she has a house phone in her nyc loft that only a select few people ( minus the strangers she’s given the number to while drunk ) know the number 

has a three year old black cat named june that she brought with ehr to cannes <3 

is the proud owner of a black maserati despite being an infamous bad driver. no one in their right mind, especially not her friends, would ever trust eva to drive.

it’s rumored she once snuck onto the yacht of a ceo to a fortune 500 company, only for him to find her in nothing but a bath towel eating chocolates while flipping through his playboy magazines, and that he was so taken with her instead of pressing charges he decided to name the boat after eva.

once spent a whole day walking around paris in a cheap pink wig and calling herself yvette. nobody could figure out why. eva often pulls stunts like this on a whim.

believes 2 is an unlucky number and is very superstitious about it, as that is the year her mother died. fully believes her twenties are cursed and is actually looking forward to the day she turns 30 just to escape the 2′s.

leonardo dicaprio once made a pass at her during the after party of a movie premiere she was attending.

during full moons, eva always has sex with the windows open. even if it’s winter, a window will be cracked open. this is one of her many personal superstitions. 

has a collection of old love letters, mixtapes, and presents past suitors and secret admirers have gifted her. while she cannot remember the origin of quite a few of the objects in her collection, she is attached to them still.

owns a replica of the famous cross necklace filled with cocaine that kathryn had in cruel intentions.

literally i basically just copied most of my hcs page im a clown i cant do summaries...

ok so personality wise ? shes a flirt. a whore, if u will. yes thats a personality trait now. literally if ur breathing shes flirting doesnt matter who u are doesnt matter if ur married if u have 10 kids doesnt matter like she will flirt....does not know how to open her mouth without flirting 

big on aesthetics /: believes everyone should get manicures like if ur cuticles are showing shes gonna gag . get help <3

not good at being held accountable for her actions. she’s not really the type to be malicious on purpose, but since she really does play with ppls feelings a lot it’s inevitable she’s gonna hurt someone but if u bring it up shes just gonna be like .. me ? at fault ? u must have the wrong girl i’m angel ...

likes 2 play games JSBDWBDJW clearly....matters of the heart are her fave kind but she also likes doing kinda ridiculous stuff for fun just to see how ppl are gonna react, also likes to do stuff just bc she knows she can usually get away with it 

loves skin care like she will be ur dermatologist ( self appointed ) she will gift u a moisturizer she will get everyone to do facemasks with her u cannot escape it ...

has trouble being alone but won’t admit it / doesn’t even really realize it ??? like it is... very rare u will ever find her sleeping alone or spending a whole day in just her own company 

not shy.....at all like JBSJDWBJDW she could use some shame but she has zero unfortunately 

despite being a whore....she is a HUGE romantic like whew she is obsessed with old love songs & is always playing them on her record player she loves to slow dance <3 she often gives ppl her fave poems ( usually poems abt sex ), she loves getting roses, loves kissing ppl on the cheek when she’s wearing lipstick, & she likes to leave ppl voicemails like ... shes really living like she is the main chara of a romance movie and everyone else is extra #5 most of the time... 

idk what else to say im sure shes gonna evolve once we start rping bc that always happens to me but....for now.....this is the end ! *cue feel special by twice*

[jecngs]

                it’s  ya  girl  𝒅𝒓𝒊  (nineteen,  she/her,  pst  but  i’m  in  the  philippines  for  two  weeks  so  that’s gmt+8 !),  a  soft  edgy  born  with  a  name  that  means  "dark  one  of  the  lord"  on  friday  the  13th  !  if  you’re  meeting  me  for  the  first  time,  some  fun  facts  are  that  i  have  the  incredibly  dangerous  combo  of  high  ambition  and  poor  time  management  and  i’d  Risk  It  All  for  a.c.e,  ateez,  and  loona  !  so,  anyway,  here’s  my  poor,  poor  girl,  miss  amelia  !  why  i  did  her  so  dirty  is  a  Good  Question  i  do  not  have  the  answer  to,  but  let's  plot  !

* ╱  𝑸𝑼𝑰𝑪𝑲 𝑺𝑻𝑨𝑻𝑺

𝗕𝗜𝗥𝗧𝗛  𝗡𝗔𝗠𝗘:  amelia  christine  jeong   𝗡𝗜𝗖𝗞𝗡𝗔𝗠𝗘:  lia,  li,  call  her  amy  and  she’ll  beat  u  up   𝗔𝗚𝗘:  twenty   𝗗𝗢𝗕:  november  29,  1998   𝗭𝗢𝗗𝗜𝗔𝗖:  sagittarius  sun,  aries  moon   𝗢𝗥𝗜𝗘𝗡𝗧𝗔𝗧𝗜𝗢𝗡:  bisexual   𝗢𝗖𝗖𝗨𝗣𝗔𝗧𝗜𝗢𝗡:  actress

* ╱  𝑩𝑨𝑪𝑲𝑮𝑹𝑶𝑼𝑵𝑫

         ♡   daughter  of  edith  byun  and  christopher  jeong,  two  major  players  in  broadway  (and  later  on  the  film  industry),  she  was  practically  famous  in  the  industry  before  she  was  even  born.  it  was  without  a  doubt  that  she  was  anticipated  to  be  nothing  short  of  talented  and  successful  once  she  popped  out  of  the  womb!  imagine  legendary  dance  couple  keone  and  mari  madrid’s  child  but  if  they  both  had  a  reputation  akin  to  idina  menzel  or  lea  salonga.  that’s  basically  lia.

        ♡   with  this,  her  parents  unfortunately  succumbed  to  public  pressure  and  wanted  to  ensure  that  their  daughter  would  meet  these  expectations.  to  fall  short  would  be  the  greatest  misfortune  on  her  reputation,  and  they  simply  would  not  have  that.  was  it  the  healthiest  mindset  to  have  raising  their  first  and  only  child?  lmao  no,  but  it’s  the  mindset  that  came  with  the  fame  they  had.  eyes  would  be  on  her  the  moment  she  came  into  the  world,  so  she  had  to  be  everything  the  public  wanted  her  to  be.

        ♡   a  few  months  before  lia  was  scheduled  to  be  born,  her  father  was  cast  in  the  us  tour  of  miss  saigon  (pretend  there  was  one  in  1998),  and  it  overlapped  with  the  due  date!  he  was  supposed  to  be  performing  at  the  pantages  for  a  few  weeks  in  that  general  timeframe  of  when  her  mom  could  be  going  into  labor,  so  they  took  a  risk  and  just…  moved  to  los  angeles  because  he  wasn’t  going  to  miss  the  birth  of  his  child!  so  ever  since  she  was  born  she  resided  in  the  hollywood  area!

        ♡    she  was  homeschooled  for  a  majority  of  her  childhood,  but  ur  a  Big  Fool  if  u  thought  it  was  by  her  parents!  they  were  incredibly  busy  with  their  own  careers  so  she  had  a  nanny  and  a  homeschool  teacher!  and  to  be  Quite  Honest  her  nanny  was  more  of  a  mother  to  her  than  miss  edith  could  ever  be!  to  lia,  her  parents  were  more  like  a  dream,  a  fantasy,  some  sort  of  ethereal  beings  —  untouchable.  [cue  parental  longing]

        ♡   despite  how  much  the  media  loved  to  talk  about  amelia  and  her  parents,  she  didn't  actually  get  to  see  them  all  that  often!  they  loved  her,  there's  no  doubt  about  it,  but  they  didn't  exactly  know  to  express  it...  despite  being  acclaimed  performers  SGKSDJGHDS  so!  basically  in  lia's  mind,  succeeding  meant  getting  love  from  her  parents  because  they  always  seemed  to  pay  the  most  attention  to  her  when  she  was  doing  something  impressive  —  they  loved  to  show  her  off  to  their  colleagues  like  some  sort  of  dog  who  can  do  tricks.  lia  ate  up  this  "love",  though,  because  there's  nothing  that  beats  the  glimmer  in  their  eyes  when  they  watch  her  perform.

        ♡    lia  took  private  lessons  for  everything  ranging  from  acting,  voice,  and  dance!  fun  fact:  she’s  classically  trained  in  several  dance  styles,  such  as  contemporary,  jazz,  ballet,  tap,  and  hip  hop!  she  was  basically  set  to  follow  her  parents’  footsteps  with  all  of  this  training.  she  played  several  child/teen  roles  in  musicals  thanks  to  her  family,  and  it  was  an  almost  effortless  kickstart  to  her  career.

        ♡    when  she  was  high  school  aged,  lia  was  admitted  into  la  county  school  of  the  arts,  but  she  wasn’t  there  for  long.  despite  growing  up  being  taught  how  to  handle  lingering  paparazzi  and  answer  questions  interviewers  sent  her  way,  she  was  never  quite  taught  how  to  handle  the  Hell  that  is  high  school.  she  wasn’t  accepted  well  into  the  social  climate  and  was  frequently  bullied  and  judged.  they  didn’t  believe  that  she  worked  to  be  there,  she  was  only  there  because  of  her  parents.  they  didn’t  actually  know  anything  about  her,  but  they  made  these  assumptions  that  eventually  led  to  her  pulling  out  of  school.  she  had  been  excited  to  finally  see  what  it’d  be  like  to  make  friends  of  her  own  —  friends  that  weren’t  just  fed  to  her  because  of  who  her  parents  were.  she  didn’t  know  that  same  fact  would  make  it  all  the  more  difficult.

* ╱  𝑪𝑨𝑹𝑬𝑬𝑹

        ♡    she's  a  theatre  kid  through  and  through,  and  that's  all  i  have  to  say  about  that!  lia  grew  up  adoring  the  theatre,  not  only  watching  the  shows  her  parents  were  casted  in  but  almost  every  single  one  she  could  become  an  audience  to!  it  was  to  no  surprise  when  the  public  found  her  in  minor  and  supporting  roles  as  a  child,  and  it  was  pretty  much  expected  for  her  to  become  one  of  the  next  big  names  in  broadway  —  she  was  anticipated  to  make  the  Big  Move  to  new  york  once  she  got  her  footing  in  the  industry!

        ♡    as  time  progressed,  she  continued  to  pursue  theatre,  slowly  taking  on  more  mature  roles.  every  now  and  then  she  would  be  given  television/film  offers,  but  it  was  more  of  a  side  gig  at  the  time.  theatre  was  truly  what  she  was  passionate  about.  even  though  it  was  a  profession  forced  on  her,  it  was  no  lie  that  she  actually  enjoyed  it.

        ♡    she  began  to  develop  her  own  fame  outside  of  her  parents  around  the  time  she  was  seventeen/eighteen,  with  a  supporting  role  in  an  independent  film  that  garnered  pretty  notable  success.  around  this  time,  her  parents  invested  in  a  publicist/agent  just  for  her,  a  relative  of  edith  who  was  also  involved  in  the  industry.  it's  true  when  they  say  it's  bad  to  mix  personal  affairs  with  business  because  things  began  to  take  a  bit  of  a  turn  for  miss  lia!

        ♡    her  pr  team  was  really  big  on  transforming  her  the  Big  Name  everyone  expected  her  to  be,  all  the  while  creating  an  identity  completely  separate  from  her  family  where  she  can  thrive.  and  that’s  exactly  what  they  did.  they  created  an  identity.

        ♡    she  had  a  love/hate  relationship  with  being  associated  with  her  parents.  on  one  hand,  it  was  a  burden  having  to  constantly  live  with  the  expectation  of  being  just  as  successful  as  them,  but  on  the  other,  it  fueled  her  fantasies  of  being  the  dream  family  she  had  always  wanted  them  to  be.

        ♡    they  stressed  the  importance  of  whom  she  associated  with,  they  slowly  transitioned  her  out  of  theatre  and  immersed  her  completely  into  the  film  industry,  lining  her  up  for  roles  that  would  eventually  become  quite  memorable.  they  took  who  lia  was  and  restructured  her  as  they  saw  fit,  and  lia  went  along  with  all  of  this  because  they  constantly  reassured  her  that  this  was  what  was  best  for  her  career.  she  didn't  want  to  go  against  family,  for  to  ruin  any  connections  with  her  parents  would  be  a  step  closer  to  losing  them  completely,  so  she  played  along  in  this  role  made  just  for  her.

        ♡    her  brain  eventually  became  fine  tuned  to  see  relationships  as  “how  can  this  benefit  me?”  rather  than  actual  companionship  which  Sucks  bc  she  totally  wants  friendship  —  she’s  always  craved  it  —  but  in  the  back  of  her  mind  there’s  always  this  lil  checkbox  where  she  has  to  get  something  from  this  which  is  Not  Healthy  but  she  doesn’t  know  what  to  do  about  it  because  she’s  in  too  deep  to  change  anything

        ♡    she’s  become  so  detached  from  her  individuality  and  become  the  rising  starlet  her  team  shaped  her  into.  she  hasn’t  been  in  a  musical  production  in  a  long  time,  so  it’s  as  if  they  ripped  a  major  part  of  her  identity  away  from  her.  but  i  guess  that  was  the  plan  all  along.  i  don’t  wanna  say  that  her  mom's  cousin  has  some  lingering  resentment  toward  her  due  something  along  the  lines  of  always  living  in  her  shadow…  but  her  mom's  cousin  has  some  lingering  resentment  toward  her  mom.  it’s  just  cleverly  disguised  because  lia  is  technically  thriving  when  you  look  at  it  from  the  outside.  inside,  she  yearns  for  her  past.

        ♡    in  the  past  few  years,  she’s  been  conditioned  to  want  the  world.  she  thinks  she  is  owed  it,  but  this  sentiment  is  also  fueled  by  her  longing.  she  has  this  hunger  for  success  that’s  highkey  kinda  unhealthy!  she  isn’t  even  capable  of  discussing  these  things  with  her  parents  because  they’re  all  busy  all  the  time!  her  team  would  tell  her  to  say  yes  to  projects,  pr  stuff  including  false  articles  later  debunked  just  for  the  publicity,  whatever  works!  she’s  been  forced  into  this  addiction  for  attention  but  it’s  pretty  much  a  result  of  her  channeling  the  negative  energy  toward  her  career…  to  help  her  career?  but  in  a  way  that’s  detrimental  to  her  own  health.  her  sleep  schedule?  fucked  up!  she’s  ruining  herself  from  the  inside  out  and  she  doesn’t  want  to  admit  it!

        ♡    her  sentiment  toward  her  public  identity  is  akin  to  lottie  person  of  the  snotgirl  comic!  who  she  is  interpreted  as  on  social  media  isn’t  the  whole  truth.  she  posts  as  if  she’s  under  careful  watch  because,  well,  she  is.  anything  her  team  didn't  like  simply  didn't  cut  it  and  was  deleted  almost  immediately  followed  by  a  sharp  scolding.  "image  is  everything"  is  one  of  the  many  sentences  ingrained  into  her  mind.  an  effortless  kind  of  everyday,  that's  what  she  was  supposed  to  be.  idk  how  to  explain  it  well  but  u  know  those  instagrams  where  it  looks  super  casual  but  is  probably  super  planned?  yes?  idk  in  my  head  she  has  an  instagram  feed  like  hyulari  or  pameluft  where  it  looks  rly  normal  but  it's  rly  pretty

        ♡    i'm  trying  to,  like,  put  it  into  words  what  her  persona  is  perceived  as,  but  it's  something  along  the  lines  of  a  person  you  think  you  know  but  you  really  don't.  you  see  her  posts,  you  see  who  she's  with,  where  she's  having  coffee,  but  who  is  lia,  really?

        ♡    clearly,  this  entire  situation  can  get  extremely  overwhelming!  the  melatonin  she  takes  to  help  control  her  sleeping  habits  also  gifts  her  with  the  side  effect  of  irritability,  so  there  have  been  times  when  she  “slipped  up”  and  Snapped!  her  fans  are  quick  to  defend  her,  however,  claiming  she’s  tired  and  needs  rest,  or  place  blame  on  the  individuals  who  dare  disrespect  her  privacy  and  personal  space. 

        ♡    scandals  are  also  something  she  isn’t  immune  to.  she  frequents  club  and  party  settings  often,  and  rumors  often  circulate  about  her  activities,  but  it's  easy  to  shift  blame  on  bad  influences.  her  image  isn't  exactly  squeaky  clean,  but  hey,  as  her  team  likes  to  say,  "total  prudes  don't  get  attention"

        ♡    people  who  work  with  lia  either  love  her  or  hate  her,  there's  really  no  in  between.  she's  friendly  or  stuck-up.  some  believe  she's  ungrateful,  maybe  they're  onto  something.  she  doesn't  cause  trouble  on  sets,  but  people  love  to  make  assumptions  about  this  girl  whose  identity  they  can't  seem  to  crack.  but  they'll  be  damned  if  they  don't  see  her  come  in  every  morning  with  a  smile  on  her  face.

        ♡    if  it  wasn't  clear,  she  despises  the  identity  she’s  forced  into!  it  feels  like  a  role  she  has  to  play  almost  24/7,  and  she’d  easily  give  it  all  up  if  it  didn’t  mean  losing  everything  good  that  came  from  it.  she  missed  the  girl  she  used  to  be,  the  girl  anyone  could  easily  approach  to  talk  about  their  day.  she  doesn’t  know  amelia  anymore.  she  hasn’t  been  amelia  for  a  long  time,  only  lia.

        ♡    she  learned  recently  that  the  contract  with  her  team  is  set  for  a  renewal  soon,  which  prompted  a  crisis  within  lia.  to  terminate  the  contract  would  mean  freedom,  but  at  what  cost?  spicy,  stay  tuned.

* ╱  𝑷𝑬𝑹𝑺𝑶𝑵𝑨𝑳𝑰𝑻𝒀

        ♡    lia  and  her  relationship  with  her  own  identity  has  definitely  affected  her  personality  and  how  she  portrays  herself  even  when  she  is  at  her  most  comfortable

        ♡    my  base  inspiration  that  Started  It  All  for  lia  came  from  me  watching  a  stephanie  soo  vlog  KSDLHGDSG  so  yea  she's  like  this  likable,  kinda  loud  and  blunt  personality  but  that  comes  more  as  a  surprise  to  people  who  get  to  know  her  because  she's  been  molded  into  having  a  more  suppressed  type  of  character  —  friendly,  but  never  too  much

        ♡    for  the  sake  of  her  sanity,  i'm  gonna  say  that  she  still  holds  on  to  her  personality  in  fear  of  becoming  too  absorbed  by  her  public,  consumable  image,  but  there  are  times  when  she  confuses  the  two.  she  can  slip  up  and  say  something  a  bit  too  blunt  in  an  interview  or  find  herself  holding  back  with  her  close  friends.  she's  essentially  become  a  blend  of  her  true  nature  and  her  public  image  where  it's  almost  the  same  thing

        ♡    incredibly,  incredibly  insecure!  lia  does  not  have  a  hold  on  her  own  identity,  so  even  the  smallest  things  will  make  her  question  everything!  she  constantly  wonders  if  there’s  a  party  happening  that  she’s  not  invited  to,  if  people  like  her,  if  people  are  gossiping  about  her.  so  many  aspects  of  her  current  identity  have  been  conditioned  to  be  close  enough  to  genuine  that  she  actually  doesn’t  know  what’s  real  anymore.

        ♡    she  can  be  a  little  bit  manipulative  if  it  comes  down  to  her  career.  she  doesn’t  really  mean  it  but  she  can’t  help  it  at  this  point!

        ♡    if  she’s  friends  with  someone,  even  if  it’s  for  some  symbiosis-type  relationship,  she  will  play  into  that  role,  she  will  act  as  if  it’s  real.  even  if  she  doesn’t  believe  it,  she  wants  to  believe  it  because  she  also  is  unsure  if  she’s  capable  of  real  feelings??!  she  thinks  she’s  devoid  of  emotion  but  she  just  …  doesn’t  think  about  it.  like,  she  doesn’t  want  to  admit  to  herself  that  she  cares  about  people  bc  she  knows  the  Ugly  side  of  her  brain  will  hyper-analyze  the  relationship  and  find  ways  to  sabotage  it  for  herself  to  the  point  where  she  can’t  enjoy  it  anymore  —  so  i  guess  it's  safest  for  her  to  think  that  this  really  isn't  her!  coping  mechanisms  let's  roll  out!

        ♡   she’s  definitely  had  her  fair  share  of  significant  others  in  the  past,  but  they’ve  been  mixed  into  a  bag  of  a  bunch  of  pr  relationships  (she's  had  so  many)  so  she  doesn’t  know  if  she’s  capable  of  actually  loving  someone.  it!  all!  seems!  fake!  but  she  definitely  craves  affection  and  will  try  to  find  it  wherever  she  can.

        ♡    tldr  she's  actually  a  nice  gal,  outgoing,  caring,  but  she  can't  help  but  think  that  she's  a  robot  because  she  thinks  too  much  about  how  people  see  her

* ╱  𝑭𝑼𝑵 𝑭𝑨𝑪𝑻𝑺

       ♡    super  prone  to  asian  glow

       ♡    loves  anything  peach!  peach  soju  with  yakult  is  her  favorite  alcoholic  beverage,  peach  is  her  favorite  color,  but  she  doesn't  like  actual  peaches???  make  it  make  sense

       ♡    credited  as  lia  jeong  in  everything.  feels  weird  if  someone  addresses  her  as  amelia  if  they're  not  reading  an  official  document  or  really  close  to  her.

       ♡    feels  a  strange  connection  to  "the  i  love  you  song"  from  the  25th  annual  putnam  county  spelling  bee

       ♡    her  favorite  film  genre  to  work  on  is  definitely  romance  because  it's  fun  to  pretend  to  be  loved!  coming  of  age  is  a  close  second.

[heartsoftruth]

So i was watching a video neymar vs man united from 2017 in barca (yes i like to hurt myself) and him and marcus already talk about the weather (lol) and hug since that time? i didn't know? i need gifs from that time too wtf!! ugh i wish neymar was playing last night so i could have pics and gifs from him with pogbs and marcus at least :(((

HUH???? They talked about the weataaaah then as well? How do you know? The answer from Marcus at the time really was about the BRA x ENG match so not about Barça!

Which video did you watch of Ney x United? What was the name? I wanna check it out now too haha. I don’t even remember that game *hides*

But I LOOOOOOVED that photo of these two together

Anonymous said:I love that neymar and pogba (that time with mourinho) got a ban immediately for saying what they think, but others white players who does this all the time they just ignore........

Mourinho banned Paul on his own. No UEFA or Premier League big shot did. He did that bc he couldn’t stand criticism on his play style since Paul wanted United to play more attacking and Mourinho ended up banning him from talking to the press... *rolls eyes*

Neymar might get a ban bc of his criticism on refereeing decisions and that’s where every (what’s the English word) association (???) goes crazy about. When you criticize referees they mostly give you a ban or warning. I personally don’t see this particulaire case as racism. 

 Anonymous said:OMG, Ney´s stories. I swear if it's a message for Bruna... I can´t anymore with this soap opera

Naawhh. 

Anonymous said:I will feel bad for PSG when their best players leave but it‘s also kind of the official‘s fault. I would rather see Mbappé & Neymar at RM than have them, especially Neymar, waste their time playing for PSG. I want them both to achieve big things. And even though Mbappé doesn‘t see his age as a factor but him winning in a respected league with a traditional club at young age would be better for his career. I‘d be happy if they leave, even if this would mean seeing them play against Barça.Neymar needs to LEAVE this year. He already wasted some of his best years at PSG. And It's heartbreaking that this year and last year because of the damn injury he couldn't help his team when they needed him the most :(

The fact is that Kylian has the time and he did a smart thing by moving to PSG first, but to grow further of course with time he needs to leave. 

But Ney doesnt have the time anymore. The only time he has is the time to pack your shit and move back to SPain.

Anonymous said:ugh remontada feels.... and that post of ney on IG 😭😭 so many feels today!

Ney in blaugrana. Posting it himself 😭😭 

Anonymous said:you guys Bruna didn't delete account because of Neymar but because of all the abuse of thousands of people, not from just that night and the stories of her Neymar Anita etc but for all the situations and polemics she put herself for months.. she was getting some real hate and that day comments on her profile were bordering on abuse, calling her disgusting, ugly, jealous idiot, mimizeta, retarded feminist, slutty etc.. I dont like the girl but the people were gross.. thats why she deactivated

yeah that’s nasty, but I think that was also a reaction to her unfollowing Anitta.

Anonymous said:I think Bruna was more likely pissed that Neymar & Anitta got more attention then her, both was the #1 trending in in Brazil on Twitter that ☕️

HAHAHAHH They were both #1 TT?? Oh boy hahah. Go big or go home huh? haha

Anonymous said:so bruna couldn't stay out so many days of instagram.... looooool she came back, bc she needs attention ofc!

Instagram is a money maker. Especially looking at the followers she has! Never thought she would leave permanently.

Anonymous said:I'm so sick and tired of all this brumar stories 🤦🏻‍♀️🙄 It makes me feel... I don't know how to put this in words, it's like I'm tired of being a ney fan, I just want to give up, but I can't somehow 😣 I feel like why from all the players it's gotta be him my main focus. I need to focus on someone less controversial. It's like he's the only one who's always surrounded by this kind of media scandals, or maybe I'm not paying enough attention to the other ones. (1)Anonymous said:(2) Why he can't be, I don't know, more like messi for example? Or the others who just mind their business and are not always surrounded by drama? I can't anymore. I know that people are all different and stuff but it's so tiring, really. Sorry for my rant I just had to get this off my chest.

I mean it’s true. There’s always something about Neymar. Always. on the field off the field. Always. I would say never a dull moment, but I’m also kinda craving a dull moment. Just - other than him playing football and some after match quotes - no drama??? But I don’t think we ever had nor ever will in all honesty...

I mean in the summer transfer season will start so I presume a new story every day about him... Copa is starting in his own country. All eyes on him again.

No need to say sorry girl!

SORRY @ all for the late reply 

PS: My happy munchkin

[loveraids]

advice for incoming freshmen

hey guys! here’s a list of some tips i made for incoming freshmen. i thought i’d share some advice/knowledge i’ve accumulated over the years too. everything’s under the cut. if you have any questions/concerns, feel free to message me! ☀️ (tw: long post)

1. one of the biggest fears many people have entering high school is not making friends. however, there are MANY opportunities where you can make friends! besides being friendly with who you sit with in class, try joining a sport, club, extra curricular, etc. i’m not saying making friends is the easiest thing in the world- i still struggle with it today. but don’t put yourself down if you’re not immediately friends with everyone in the school in the first week- it’ll take some time to develop. remember that everyone else is just as scared as you are, and they aren’t gonna come out of their shells until you do as well.

2. depending on your school, they may start throwing college shit at u on day one (although unlikely). no matter what, don’t stress right now!! the college process really doesn’t begin until the weeks leading up to the summer of junior year. you have time!! it’s ok to not know what you want to do. college has an “undecided” major for a reason.

3. V O L U N T E E R. i cannot stress this enough. it has soso many benefits and freshman year will most likely be the most time-free year you have. find a position at your local zoo, library, camp, hospital, etc. it’s a great resume booster and can aid you in the college application process (additionally, if you have an honors society that requires volunteer hours, you’ll need them anyways). also, you get to help people !

4. freshman year is going to teach you what real high school work is. you may struggle, and it’s ok! i was one of the “bright” kids that had their grades drop once i entered high school, and yeah, it did a lot to my self esteem. but throughout the years i picked myself up- i embraced help from my peers/teachers, i figured out what method of studying works best (pro tip: studying for math? look over the basic rules and do thousands of practice problems. science that isn’t math based? quizlet and khan academy. history? quizlet.), i learned that it’s OK to get a grade under a 90/A-. it’s going to seem tough at first, but just remember that you’re adjusting to a completely new environment and work ethic. you will get through it!! please shoot me an ask if you ever need help i’ll always answer. (edit: also do ur homework!!! it could be the difference between a B+ and an A-.)

5. imagine the crustiest person in your grade right now. now imagine them trying to hit on a kid that’s four years younger than you. gross, right? that’s exactly what a senior hitting on a freshman is like!! do not do that shit!!! there is NO reason why a senior should be trying to hook up with you when they’re 17-18 and you’re 14-15. that shit is NASTY. do NOT date seniors (even juniors are sketchy).

6. high school is where you will probably encounter alcohol/drugs/sex/etc at some point. do not be pressured!! if you don’t wanna smoke or drink then don’t do it (if you’re with the type of people who pressure, you better run). ive personally never had an experience where i was pressured, and people were usually respectful, but i can’t speak the same for everyone else. wanna get fucked up and party with your friends? be careful! i’m not promoting underage drinking but lets be honest a lot of kids do it. no sense in trying to pretend like that isn’t the real world. if you’re invited to some party by someone you KNOW has a bad rep, then don’t go!! you’ll have more opportunities.

7. if you’re worried about SATs/college admissions exams, you have a year. kids in my school are kinda crazy and were studying freshman year which made NO sense to me. end of sophomore year/beginning of junior year is usually adequate (plus- the main rule with SATs/ACTs is that you should take the test NO MORE than three times- that’s three chances!! i personally did well on my SAT, so if u have any questions feel free to ask me.

8. back to the point of pressure - if you’re going to a gifted and talented program/school, you will most likely feel academic pressure. with so many bright and smart peers, your standards will end up being much higher than the general population. i’m speaking from experience.

9. student government is usually a popularity contest. if you don’t win, don’t beat yourself up. if you do, congrats!

10. take pictures! save holiday cards! make memories!! i sincerely regret not taking photos (with me in them!!) during my freshman and sophomore years. there are a lot of great memories that i didn’t record because i was too embarrassed to get in front of a camera. i’ve learned that i’d rather cringe at a photo i look bad in in the privacy of my own phone, rather than not have a picture at all.

11. start developing good studying habits right away. what motivated me was getting cute/colorful pens, highlighters, erasers, post-its, etc., and making my notes look really pretty. i have my own personal post-it collection now. if you find ways to make studying even remotely fun/interesting, it will be extremely beneficial in the long run. i remember the summer before my junior year, i was excited to go back literally because i wanted to use my new pens.

12. this is a future piece of advice, but i would say there’s a 99% chance that you will be friends with mostly different people by senior year. you might have a core few, or a bestie, but myself and many others know that there are people who we were best friends with freshman year that don’t say hi to us in the halls senior year.

13. listen, there are gonna be some snake ass bitches. there’s no avoiding it. just don’t pay attention to them!! they get off on thinking they’re better than you. the best way to no longer deal with someone you don’t like is to just not associate with them. i’m obviously over simplifying these situations, but its usually not that deep. if it’s to the point where it’s causing you a great amount of stress, then it may be something you need to talk to a guidance counselor about.

14. please. do. not. run. and scream. in. the. halls. who do u think u are?? it’s 8 AM i don’t want to hear your screeching voice as you run into 7 people!!!!!

15. the freshmen are usually the joke of the school. you’ll hear you guys referred to as gremlins in some way, shape, or form. just deal with it, you’ll understand when you’re no longer freshmen (unless someone’s being unnecessarily mean!!).

16. make friends with your teachers!!!!!!!!! stay after class to have a little conversation with them. email them after school. bring them gifts on major holidays. IT WILL PAY OFF. letters of recommendation? done! need a teacher to sign off on something? done! minorly messed up in class? they’ll let it go bc they like you! this will also probably result in an increase in your character/participation grades.

17. make a travel pack that you keep in your bag - a few small bills,  pads/tampons (for those who need), pen, pencil, bobby pins, nail file, hair elastic, gum/mints, small perfume, band-aids, charger, etc.

18. thrift books sells books for really cheap!! also, ALWAYS check other places before ordering from normal bookstores (i’m looking at u barnes & noble)- they’re most likely cheaper.

19. i’m not gonna be one of those people who is like “school is the best!! it can be great for anyone if you just try!!” bc that shit aint true. it might suck ass for some of you. just know that high school isn’t your life. some people act like your life ends after high school. we’re 14-18 years old and still have so much to learn and see. if you set up a countdown to the end of high school your first day of freshman year, so be it.

20. your teachers are people too. they’re not there for you to use and abuse. they have families, problems, LIVES. they also have 3289472 students besides yourself, and assuming they should put you above the rest will only end up in disappointment.

21. social media is not all that matters. esp in this day and age, people will definitely be using snapchat and instagram (and hey! tumblr too). but don’t think you need social media to fit in. one of the most popular girls in my school literally made her instagram just the other day. to reiterate: it’s not that deep!!

22. you’re gonna change a lot (which is ok!!). freshman year i only wore hot topic and watched supernatural & doctor who. now, i just watch cooking vids and fawn over shawn mendes. it’s ok to change!! even just though freshman year you’ll change. i know i got like. super gay

23. if you find yourself having free time (or having study hall), do your homework!!! once you get home you’ll probably get distracted/lazy. what i used to do was go to my local library after school and get all my homework done so that i wouldn’t leave my school mindset and not wanna do anything. even if you don’t get everything done, you’ll thank yourself later.

24. there’s a difference between “forming your own opinion” on someone and completely ignoring their reputation/what your friends say. i can’t tell you how many people have gotten burned by the SAME guy in my school because none of them even kept in mind the warnings they had heard about him. it’s ok to give people a chance, but remember that most people’s reputations hold some truth (but not everyone!).

25. this seems pretty obvious but like. be nice. don’t talk mad shit about people you don’t know. rumors fly FAST in high school. what’s even worse is when they’re not true. fact check your shit if you ARE gonna gossip.

26. ok last point (for now). everything is gonna be new. there’s no getting around it. you WILL feel out of place. you’ll most likely be anxious. but everything will end up ok (cheesy, i know). the first week of high school is one the scariest weeks you’ll have in high school. things need time to settle. you’ll make friends, you’ll find things you like, you’ll be happy!! enter high school with a growth mindset. it may not seem like it, but your attitude WILL impact how things turn out.

overall, you guys will be fine. good luck to all of you !! if you have any questions or need advice on a specific thing, please feel free to send me an ask!! i’m always here. love u bbies

[blancapadlla]

merry christmas, diana!

surprise! im ur secret santa! im sorry! this is a really lame gift and i was gonna send you something, but u know? plans change, people change. and i was thinking like? if im being  honest? i was being too ambitious thinking that i was gonna send you something like i still have the gift i bought you for your birthday (LAST YEAR! IT’S NOT EVEN FROM THIS YEAR! IT’S FROM LAST YEAR!) and like? me? shipping things out? in a box? going to the mail service place? me? when i dont even have a license to go myself? i’ve had a note in my phone where it has your address saved and telling me to ship out your gift but literally? where is the gift? in my closet. and i thought “wow i can ship her something i buy from amazon and just ship it to her house!” but then i was like? bitch if u do that then what about her physical gift? are u just gonna buy it twice? waste ur money like that bc ur a dumb ass who cant go to the mail service that ships things? dumb. anyways i don’t really know where i was going with that i feel like i had a plan but after typing all that i  kinda forgot so aha x moving on!

under the cut is ur letter xx

diana, diana, diana. our one and only libra, ½ of the goblin sisters (theres 7 of us but like. u and xan are the only ones like BLOOD blood related to each other but we’re all like. blood sisters still bc we upgraded to a cult earlier this year), the og pink aesthetic (i say og bc tien always tried to steal ur aesthetic in ur absence), miss immortal emo goffix herself, the most likely to become  instagram famous, a tru sailor moon fan (sailor venus thats u), the gaming sister, an actual crackhead, most likely to get a sugar daddy first, backseat/car survivor, and the goblins resident fashionista w the fits!

merry christmas and happy new years! or late christmas and new years because we’re sharing this jan 5th?? either way im sorry this is such a lame gift i was gonna do what i usually do which is a set with 10 favs, but i know lana is ur ult og so i was just like?? ill make her a lana set that’s kinda aesthetic but u kno aesthetics r hard idk how u do it like. i see the series u make n im just in awe like ! o she’s TALENTED talented! ugh we STAN! im forever grateful that ur in my life and that we got together 4/5 years ago. i dont express it much but i love u so much and im so so grateful for u. ur kind sweet funny SMART! understanding daring n v witty/sassy/idk what word to use???? i love seeing ur pics on insta and ur vlogs in the snapchat group chat. i see pink n i just think of u bc pink really is u n ur color like i just associate that color w u now. and lana like i see lana n i see u. i love seeing how passionate u get over certain things and ranting w u whenever the  goblins choose to rant about something (especially political rants) r always  my favorite bc we can  just talk n let it out n hearing what u have to say is so interesting n cool bc wow ur so young but ur so involved like i remember when u helped do that campaign thingy for (bernie? i think? idk  i just remember u passing something out but its still involvement!) and u also care so much like! LOVE that STAN that! idk what ive mentioned bc im forgetting while i write this but! i know u dont open up alot bc ur a libra n thats how u r naturally but know that im grateful n happy whenever u do choose to open up n its ok that u dont open up often like! we can wait whenever u ready n comfy to tell us u know bc its always gonna b ur own choice when u wanna tell us something n we’re always gonna wanna kno n hear when ur ready! we stan a private queen who lets us know when she wants stan understanding privacy bc thats allowed! always!  

since i couldn’t ship u a present like i wanted because im a dumb bitch who still hasnt sent in yout 18th birthday present, heres a pinterest board made just for u. in the like. non section area is just the general aesthetic  i have in my mind for u which is literally just pink and glitter. n theres like a pic of a knife in pink n i think thats u bc u know. pink n girly but also edgy n could cut a bitch if needed u feel? n then i added sections of ur favs and ill update  the pinterest every now n then n u can look back if u ever feel like it u kno? the board will always b up for u love  u 

i think im just rambling at this point but basically i love u sm and all the memories we’ve made in the past 4/5 years from the night goblin calls/chats to the many rps we’ve been together in to the minecraft days and BOTH of us suffering bc aye and tien dont know how to NOT  kill each other and since we always end up rooming w the killers its our stuff that gets  destroyed too like. u n me r just tryna have cute rooms n w the aesthetics but literally aye n tien just wanna play w lava INSIDE n ugh rip us for suffering we really r done dirty huh. anyways love u so much im sorry for such a lame gift difosjdfiosd i love u im sorry love u love u love u i hope ur 2019 is filled with love and gratitude n happiness and u can end the year feeling satisfied. im here for u always even if i dont express it all the time n im always rooting for u n ill always b on ur side always ok love u infinitely long time no going back xx

i just remembered this out of no where but also love u so much thanks for being a rich bitch with me like… ur a fashionista irl and online and im only a fashionista online but wow…. us on imvu were so iconic.. the rich bitches ugh LOVE that for us love u thats its i really hope i remember to  unprivate the pinterest board n link it here before we post wow love u so  much thank u for relating to the thirst thing w u kiss kiss 

[homieswithhades]

BTS Analysis;

I don’t even know if I can call this an unpopular opinion bc I know some people agree with this, this is more of an in-depth analysis and personal experience I guess. It’s all about bts... and its lowkey a mess. I apologise in advance for any grammar/spelling errors, and times I may contradict myself a bit. This is something that REALLY bothers me. I just want to clarify that I love bts a lot, and that I was the HUGEST STAN for a good 5ish months. I still stan them but not as much due to the following reasons.

They just don’t make good music anymore.  They love yourself era was when everything turned to shit. The actual core love yourself concept is very good but,,,, it was executed really poorly.

Dna was my first comeback with them, even though I’ve been listening to them since august 2016. But when actually became a stan in April 2017, I was obsessed with them. I was so damn excited for their September 2017 cb that my standards were through the roof. During the summer they changed the logo and did the beyond the scene thing,,, that’s the first thing that kind of irked me,,, and then they did the highlight reels in the style of I need u and they were redeemed.

When love yourself her started promotions and teasers, the bar was higher than the person who edited the DNA mv. The concept pics were so unfitting??? And just lacked that aesthetic element. I dint like them at all,,,, and the album cover was,,, below standard and looked rushed and lazily designed. But when serendipity came out I loved it (and I still do) so that fuelled my expectations for the music, even though they weren’t really that damaged by the odd first impression of the album. But then DNA came out and???? I was so disappointed?????? The beat was so annoying,,, the mv was so ugly,, the outfits were ugly,,, the lyrics were weird. In other words DNA was just a straight up flop... I hoped the rest of the album would have been better but,,,, it really, REALLY wasn’t.

After love yourself her I lost a lot of interest in bts. I missed their old music so much, and I was genuinely upset over it. I didn’t follow them as closely as I used to. I started to joke about them with my friends who lost interest in bts before me, but I still missed the old bts so much. The whole Ellen show thing, all the western media like Buzzfeed and Billboard making vids and articles about bts, all the rigged award shows, it pissed me off bc they were getting famous in the US bc of their worst album that didn’t display their full potential at all!!!!

Imma just go out and say it, armys are one of the most toxic fandoms ever.

Sometimes they’re just plain disrespectful and starting arguments where they don’t belong. I wouldn’t be able to count how many times I got attacked on Twitter, Instagram and even in the YouTube comments for expressing a different opinion. I remember all the fan wars and scandals. All the mobs at airports, All the times k-fans and i-fans tried to ruin another groups reputation (I’m not saying other fans never did this, bc it was always a thing, but it was never this extreme.) and the fuckin credit card thing oh my god,,,, a huge shitstorm caused by one fandom that lasts for years on end.

When bts got really mainstream, and gained more young western fans, they really ruined bts even further for me. Not to mention all the cringey tweets and memes, they hurt to look at. I absolutely don’t mind the “you got no jams” meme or the “ExCuSE mE” one, bc theyre just pure goof from the members, but when armys took it and overused it, that’s when it started to get annoying.

Some armys genuinely think bts is the only kpop group and that the world revolves around them. They comment “annyeonghaseyo any armys here???!!!” in the most unexpected places, I deadass saw someone on my overwatch team playing quick play with the name “army.FOREVER.saranghae” yall do realise it costs 10$ to change ur blizzard username, right?

Some armys also don’t respect other kpop groups in older gens (or any other ones for that matter) and assume that bts broke through into the western world themselves, which is complete bullshit, without groups like bigbang, shinee, tvxq, shinhwa, h.o.t,  seo taiji boys etc etc (and other ones I don’t know of rip) kpop would have never gotten into the western world.

I never identified as an army bc I knew they were cringey bc of my friends who were HUGE armys back in 2016 and low-key koreaboos, and I knew what the bad stans looked like, so I never associated with them, and just called myself a bts stan. But the whole western situation just got so goddamn worse. I was sick of the Americans plaguing bts for me.

I also wanna say, I know not all armys are toxic and cringey. And I respect the level headed and chill Armys, yall are doing it right.

Moving on from Armys, I noticed a change in bts themselves. Namjoon changed his stage name, which absolutely sent me. I understand the meaning behind it but for some reason I felt that he did it to be fake deep? Or woke, and that he tried to completely cover-up his past self. The other members became cocky and were always draped in all that ugly Gucci and designer shit. I knew they were being forced to act the way they were acting, bc I know them well. I know how they really are. I know that they’re good people. I know they’re very humble deep down. They had that special connection with their fans before, that made u feel like u were good friends with them, and they absolutely ruined that. They’re being forced to put on this fake image to impress you filthy Americans.

I still stan bts atm. But I stan them for their old music and the people they truly are, not who they are portrayed to be. I can’t remember when euphoria came out, but I was kinda annoyed they tried to incorporate hyyh prologue into their shitty concept. And the song was also annoying and too edm-ish (like most of their new songs, idk why their style completely changed). Anyway, when tear came out, I was still kinda off the bandwagon, and I saw the concept pics and I was surprised at how nice they were. I saw the album cover, which was still ugly but better than the previous one. Then Singularity came out and!!!!! I loved it a lot. And then fake love happened. Oof is all I have to say. But some songs on the album, were actually good. Like the truth untold, paradise and OUTRO TEAR. Outro tear will remain the best song in the love yourself trilogy.

I also feel that I have to acknowledge that for all the love yourself albums only the intro and outro were genuinely up to standard (except outro answer).

Then came love yourself answer and idol. When I found out they were collabing with niki minaj I lost it. The concept pics were ugly once again, it was supposed to a controversial comeback???? And??? It wasn’t. I’m honestly glad it wasn’t promoted.

I noticed a repetitiveness with songs on answer. The beat was off with the singing. It was all just a mess. I also noticed the amount of godddamn auto tune in the songs (eg, mic drop, fake love, idol, airplane pt.2 and others I can’t remember atm) all of bts’s old songs all sound unique and different, and they all had this “emotional” element to them, to elaborate on that, compare dna, fake love or idol to save me, I need u or young forever. Notice how dna, fake love and idol convey absolutely no emotion through the lyrics or the actual beat of the song, unlike save me, I need u or young forever, that literally have more sentimental/emotional value in the few English lines that are in the song then all of the lyrics in their 3 new title tracks combined. I think this is my most difficult point to explain bc different songs make people feel different things, but it’s no doubt that you can tell the difference between a song that’s made to appeal to the masses with no unique properties to a song that coveys deep emotion (whatever the emotion may be) through the beat, the lyrics and the sound of the vocals/rapping alike. Listen to intro nevermind, and then listen to go go and just try to tell me that im wrong.

Alos, bts seem to have incorporated auto tune into songs, especially on their vocalists. bts don’t need the auto tune bc they’re good vocalists. Also, I have to mention, the vocal line isn’t the “best” per say. they’re good vocalists but it’s nothing special. Seokjin is the best vocalist period. Jungkook’s voice is generic, and in recent songs he has been straining it to reach the notes. Taehyungs voice isn’t even that special, it’s just deep, and it only really suits ballads and R&B songs like singularity or butterfly. Jimin has a very nice voice, but again, it’s nothing extraordinary. I feel that Jin has the most vocal potential, and he doesn’t get to show it, he has this really unique voice, idk what it is about it that just??? I really love it. But to clarify, I’m not hating on their voices or saying there untalented, because they’re very talented, but most of vocal line gets too much credit. As for rap line, I think they’re one of bts’s strongest points. Namjoons style is so smooth and just overall good? It amazes me that he rapped so well over the years with a breathing problem. Hoseok is a good rapper too, his sound is unique and his adlibs add to that uniqueness in older songs, as for Yoongi, I genuinely think he’s one of the best rappers in the industry, it’s not about the speed element, it’s about his flow, his power, his emotion, everything about his rap is just amazing.

Now I wanna talk about the member’s individual popularity. The maknae line has the most stans, and quite frankly, their stans are the worst. Treat all of the members with the same love and respect. Sure, it’s perfectly fine to have a bias but to disregard the other members is just plain wrong.

Bts are human beings, first and foremost, and then there musicians second. They’re being made into media puppets and clout bait, which they absolutely don’t deserve. They deserve recognition for their good stuff, which they have PLENTY of.

All in all, I’m sick of the American attention. It’s cringey, annoying and unnecessary. Sure, bts deserve recognition but not that much of it!!!!!!

And they were being recognised for the wrong thing for fucks sake!!!! I didn’t like ANY of the new songs on answer. I only liked epiphany. And then I found out it wasn’t written by any of the members. Rip. Fans will unfortunately blindly follow, stream and like whatever they put out like blind sheep because it’s accustomed to them, bighit KNOW that they’ll make more money in America. They know no matter what bts put out, no matter how shit it is, fans will like it and itll be revenue for the company. And all the mobile games and the bt21??? Was so unnecessary?? Capitalism amirite? Quantity over quality. It’s the sad truth.

Armys tend to mix up criticism and hate. Although there is a very thin line between the two, there is a difference. Criticism is the analysis and judgement of the merits and faults of something. Hate is blind and unjustified. Hate is disliking something for no reason, or for a very invalid reason. So for example, saying; “I don’t like this apple because its bitter and im not a huge fan of bitter things” is fine to say, unlike, “FUCK THIS APPLE BECAUSE ITS BITTER, FUCK ALL APPLES” you know? It’s okay to dislike a group. It’s NOT okay to hate on a group. No one’s is going to gain anything by hate.

So, all the youtubers are reacting to bts for clout, the fandom is a fucking mess, armys are attacking other fandoms for no reason, the members lost their TRUE humbleness and neglected their real personalities and they’ve put out 3 overall bad standard albums over the course of a whole ass year.

But I still have this spark of hope for them. Why? Because I love them, they have a special place in my heart. I know they have the potential to be amazing, unique and just overall good people with their own personalities, and truly special musical abilities.

After their tour I honestly, really hope the attention dies down and they put out another good, original, album like the hyyh albums, with nice concepts, good songs, and a pleasant to look at mv. It’s really all I ask for. The old bts. I know I’ll never get them back, and I absolutely cherish their old stuff, like the bulletproof logo, bangtan boys, rap monster, hyyh, young forever, no more dream, wings, them all goofing around together and not caring about their image, their wholesome interactions with fans, and all the songs and concepts and theories that never have, and never will be recognised.

On a final note, I realise I can’t blame bts themselves entirely for this. This stuff is only partially “their fault”. Its bighit’s fault, the army’s and haters fault and the media’s fault. But, America is to blame the most. That’s all for today.

[augcst]

unusual asks: do them all i believe in you

WHO DID THIS but lowkey thanks bc this is what i wanted read below if you wanna know things about me or *cough* datemeimeanwhta *cough*

Spotify, SoundCloud, or Pandora? Spotify all the wayyy

Is your room messy or clean?Actually clean bc I just cleaned it out and everything is organized

What color are your eyes?Brown af

Do you like your name? why?I do and its bc its aestetically pleasing to look at for me? Like Autumn is just really nice to look at u kno

What is your relationship status?single and mentally unstable; thotumn

Describe your personality in 3 words or lesstired, sometimes creative

What color hair do you have?dark brown with lighter brown streaks

What kind of car do you drive? color?Nissan Versa Note, sky blue

Where do you shop?For clothes: H&M and target, my sister’s closet

How would you describe your style?attempted gay athletic

Favorite social media accountInstagram or this one

What size bed do you have?Double or queen... its bigger than a twin but not a king lol

Any siblings?Biological: 9, Step: 2, Adopted: 2 (all sisters)

If you can live anywhere in the world where would it be? why?New Zealand because it’s so gorgeous, or the gay island with my favorite people ive ever met @enbykaradanvers and @thegrimllama

Favorite snapchat filter?The one that makes your nose smaller and your face thinner

Favorite makeup brand(s)I use drug store mostly, Milani is INCREDIBLE, but expensive: highligher - nars, primer - too faced, stila, makeup forever

How many times a week do you shower?Usually every other day unless im going through a particularly bad depression spout. 

Favorite tv show?All-time: New Girl, The Office, Parks and Rec, Grey’sCurrent: Supergirl

Shoe size?.....size 11

How tall are you?5′4″ish

Sandals or sneakers?SNEAKERS ALWAYS

Do you go to the gym?not really

Describe your dream datestargazing in a remote, low-lit area so the stars are super bright with philosophical discussions

How much money do you have in your wallet at the moment?$178 not including like gift cards and stuff

What color socks are you wearing?none right now

How many pillows do you sleep with?I have to have one for my head, one to hug, and one on the other side so i feel secure lmao but I have 7 full pillows on my bed rn

Do you have a job? what do you do?Not currently as I’m about to go through a really tough semester, but I was a nanny

How many friends do you have?I have 3/4 best friends but a really good amount of friend friends 

Whats the worst thing you have ever done?watched the Bee movie

Whats your favorite candle scent?peach or evergreen

3 favorite boy namesI have 3 gender neutral names: Journey, River and Eowyn

3 favorite girl namessame as above plus annie

Favorite actor?um... *looks at smudged writing on hand* Benadryl *squints* Cucumber

Favorite actress?Melissa Benoist or Katie McGrath atm

Who is your celebrity crush?Same as above

Favorite movie?Hidden Figures is SO GOOD YALL YOU GOTTA SEE IT

Do you read a lot? whats your favorite book?I don’t because I have issues with concentrating unless i’m interested and it’s dead quiet. But my favorite book is Milk&Honey by Rupi Kaur CALL ME BASIC I KNOW I AM but i have a lot of poetry books i enjoy

Money or brains?Brains

Do you have a nickname? what is it?Yes, Audi or Thotumn or Small Chip as coined by @thegrimllama and Lil Sis/sib as coined by @enbykaradanvers

How many times have you been to the hospital?For myself, 4 times for serious things. 1) Kidney infection as an infant, 2) Two nose bleeds that wouldn’t stop 3) Severe stomach pain 4) Broken ankle

Top 10 favorite songsin no particular order:-This Girl (Kungs Vs. Cookin’ On 3 Burners)-Wow by Beck-Guillotine by Jon Bellion-False Alarm by Matoma-Death of a Bachelor by Panic! at the Disco-Starving by Hailee Steinfeld-Take On Me by Aha-Send My Love (To Your New Lover) by Adele-That’s My Girl by 5H-6 Inch by Beyonce

Do you take any medications daily?Too many

What is your skin type? (oily, dry, etc)Definitely combination

What is your biggest fear?Shallow: Heights; Deep: Being Gaslighted

How many kids do you want?I want a few although im not sure how many, but never an only child. 

Whats your go to hair style?Messy pony or bun

What type of house do you live in? (big, small, etc)Average for a family, like 4 bedroom, 3 stories, 3 baths.

who is your role model?@enbykaradanvers and @thegrimllama and my mom

What was the last compliment you received?(regarding a nude I thought was awful) @thegrimllama : “HOLY SHIT IT WORKS THOUGH, IM FOR REAL THOUGH SEND IT TO EVERYONE”

What was the last text you sent?“IM ONLY HALFWAY THROUGH”

Wow old were you when you found out santa wasn’t real?I still believe in santa dont ARGUE WITH ME

What is your dream car?One with bluetooth music, leather seats, seatwarmers and a sun roof and adequate room in the baCK AKA MY CAR I DESTROYED LAST YEAR I CRY

Opinion on smoking?not for me, please dont smoke cigs around me either

Do you go to college?Yep, getting my associates this semester then transferring

What is your dream job?a job that works with psychology and children. maybe autistic children

Would you rather live in rural areas or the suburbs?Suburbs. I like the idea of a city, but I hate the crowdedness, but i like living close enough to like a target and H&M and stuff

Do you take shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels?nah, if anything I use them while im there

Do you have freckles?not really, just like random spots all over my body but not like the cute freckles lmao

Do you smile for pictures?now I do, i went through a period where I didnt though

How many pictures do you have on your phone?17k

Have you ever peed in the woods?yes, when I was little and my family was actually active and hiked lmao

Do you still watch cartoons?sometimes, my little sister watches them and sometimes they’re on. But I do watch Steven Universe and Spongebob when they’re on lmao

Do you prefer chicken nuggets from Wendy’s or McDonalds?HOW ABOUT CHICK FIL A

Favorite dipping sauce?Ranch probably

What do you wear to bed?usually a tee and underwear

Have you ever won a spelling bee?I think I vaguely remember winning when I was in elementary but I honestly cant say for sure

What are your hobbies?Art and music and studyblring and im trying to get into like editing digital stuff and i also like writing when I have the spoons

Can you draw?yeah, I have an art tag somewhere. You can find it on my page in my about me i think

Do you play an instrument?the guitar, I used to play viola and piano though

What was the last concert you saw?Twenty One Pilots at Red Rocks i think?

Tea or coffee?hot chocolate

Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts?starbucks

Do you want to get married?yes

What is your crush’s first and last initial?JH, but it’s like an inactive crush? But like other than that I dont have any

Are you going to change your last name when you get married?Probably

What color looks best on you?Orange or navy blue probably

Do you miss anyone right now?@enbykaradanvers bc they WENT TO SLEEP EARLY LIKE A HEALTHY PERSON although im really proud of them bc i care and love them and i want them to be well rested for work so they have a highkey good day

Do you sleep with your door open or closed?CLOSED AF

Do you believe in ghosts?Umm yes but not in the conventional way. lmk if anyone wants to know more lmao

What is your biggest pet peeve?I have so many but top ones are chewing with your mouth open and velvety textures

Last person you called?@enbykaradanvers and @thegrimllama

Favorite ice cream flavor?Mint choclate chip

Regular oreos or golden oreos?I like the cookie part of regular ones but the whole of golden ones so u choose

Chocolate or rainbow sprinkles?i dont like sprikles but make it gay so rainbow

What shirt are you wearing?my fave long sleeve tee, it was my dad’s at one point

What is your phone background?kara danvers with a pink background and a pixelly thought bubble that says “why are you on my phone”

Are you outgoing or shy?a mix. depends on my spoons tbh

Do you like it when people play with your hair?if they do it gently bc i highkey have a really sensitive scalp

Do you like your neighbors?yeah, one of my best friends lives on the left and a nice family lives on the right

Do you wash your face? at night? in the morning?morning and night... but like lazily. Literally water in the morning and a makeup wipe or water at night

Have you ever been high?from prescription drugs but like that were meant for me lol

Have you ever been drunk?never

Last thing you ate?sauteed mushrooms

Favorite lyrics right now"theres not enough wind in oklahoma to blow this old house to the ground” or something like that

Summer or winter?summer, but i dont hate winter

Day or night?night

Dark, milk, or white chocolate?milk

Favorite month?May

What is your zodiac signLeo

Who was the last person you cried in front of?@thegrimllama bc i was having a bad night and she skyped me until I fell asleep 

[survivormidwayatoll]

Ep. 8 - “A Big Boy Confessional” - Ricky (Merge)

So we merged last night. Without Gage. Wanna know why? Because crackhead Shae freaked out and made himself a target while saving himself again. Like why do people wanna keep Shae around? He has a terrible social game, and if he keeps bringing up how he has no friends I'll fucking kick his ass. I tried being friendly with him, and then he told me I couldn't follow his Instagram because it's "not gonna happen" and then shoved it down my throat that Brian and him flirted and I'm like OK BITCH WANNA PLAY THAT GAME. YOURE GOING DOWN. No one gets between me and my (ex) man. Especially not some crackhead flop. And I had to fucking watch what I said because Shae is gonna use everything he can to stay. We'll surprise bitch, I'm the queen of this series and the queen stays the queen so sit the fuck down. Jordan was/is still public enemy number one. But Karen fucking leaked the plan to throw the challenge to him so!!! Good job ya flop! Why do people think that working with Jordan will work? It never does. It just makes you a target. Ash? Ash will be gone so soon because she didn't wanna play with gage and chose Jordan over him. Allison is just a target in her own, but being associated with Jordan doesn't help. And now Karen wants to keep him around longer than Carson and Andrew????? BYE YALL ARE SO DUMB. HES ONE AND THEYRE TWO. Get it together people!! If you align with Jordan Pines, you're asking to lose. That's all I'm gonna say. 

Okay right. Here's a big boy confessional and my stance on the game. Right now, I believe it's very up in the air. I think anyone and any side can take this, because sides have not yet been determined. No one really knows who's working with who, we have an idea, but no one is certain. For right now I know Billy HATES shea. Like a lot. Which isn't good bc I want to work with shea. Isaac finds the duo of Carson/Andrew threatening, which makes sense, but I just don't want Carson to be the victim of Andrew's target. My biggest threat right now is Allison. She's the only one I played closely with in Hawaii, she knows my game inside and out, and she knows exactly how dangerous I can be. On the flip side, she got just as far as I did in Hawaii, and then came back and WON Malibu. I'm not the biggest threat here when there are people like Andrew and Allison, who've gone far every time. Right now I'd say the main group of people Intrust are Billy, Karen, Isaac, and Sara. Ideally, I'd like to get to the end with Billy, because he's not a talker, and I've been to my fair share of Tribal Councils, and I know my flaws and faults. I'm going to be ruthless, and I'm going to make calculated game moves. I don't want to let my emotions get the best of me. and I don't want to hastily target people bc they furthered their games by taking out Gage. So I'm going to talk to Andrew and Allison and Shea, and I'm going to get on their good side, and I'm going to try my best to make them see I'm not this monster they're thinking I am. Well I mean, I am. But, I don't want them to know that lol.

I'd like to brush off my shoulders, because I 100% could have won this immunity if I wanted to. Which would have meant another round of safety for me. HOWEVER I haven't been involved in any tribal councils so far. And being out of the loop is not fun and I honestly can't take it anymore. This feeling of being left out was making me super uncomfortable, and other things surrounding my place in this game were just signs that told me I should go to tribal tonight. It should be a safe vote, Carson asked to be voted out. And if anyone doesn't do that they're just gonna isolate themselves. Plus I dyed my roots and self tanned this week and I'll be damned if I don't get a google hangout to show everyone how island hot I got. Ricky fluxes between being my closest ally and being someone who I don't see this working with. He keeps telling me not to do this not to do that, but the things I can't do are things that only benefit him, and not things that benefit us both. He told me that if I won immunity Sara or him would go home. I don't think he understands that he isn't on anyone's radar and that this isn't Hawaii. We're playing a whole new game and things have to change. I'm not here to play for Ricky, I'm here to play for me. I told him how he'll have to swallow his pride and work with Andrew and he's like "don't say my name to anyone" LIKE BITCH IM TAKING THAT NO EXISTENT TARGET EVEN MORE OFF YOUR BACK. Then he tells me that we can't really group call together because it'll make it obvious that we're working together and I'm sitting here like *Ariana Grande no correlation graph.jpg* because EVERYONE knows that Ricky and I are close outside of this game, and if they think he's not working with me in some kinda way they're wrong. But I just have a REALLY bad feeling in the pit of my makeup bag that Ricky is gonna fuck me over this game. I can tell. I just sense it. If he doesn't, and I'm reading too much into it then oh well, but the way he has this attitude when we talk makes me SUPER nervous about moving forward with him. It's almost like he finds me as a liability to his game, and honestly? I've taken the target off of his back whether he wants to believe it or not. Because he could have left and I convinced everyone in the early stages of the game that he is not Hawaii Ricky without his friends. And now that Kait, Christine and Gage are gone, he doesn't have the same cutthroat people as he did before. Sara and I still have it good. And the best part about all of this? Andrew. Andrew's partner is leaving the game, Andrew is no longer emotionally invested. He knows Ricky, Karen and Isaac want him out and so he wants to work with me and Sara. But, and I'm pretty sure I'm the only one who knows, but Andrew has the idol. And he said he'd use it to keep any of us safe. I'm not gonna rely on that obviously, and I'm not gonna tell Sara that way she doesn't rely on it either. But it definitely helps that Andrew's friends blatantly threw him under the bus and my "let's stay friends because we are friends" strategy is working. I love Andrew in and out of this game. It makes me so angry to see that he's a target because he has a good social game and always makes the end. Well? If I have anything to say about it Andrew will be making finale again, and it'll be with me and Sara. I've found my final 3. But I've just gotta be careful about who I target in what order. But Jordan and Shae are still my biggest threats. Then it's Karen/Ricky/Isaac. If we can split up Allison/Jordan, Allison will be with me 100%. She won't go to the other three because there's no point to. And then Ash is just kinda here. And while I want Ash to do well, I don't want someone who's playing the game for someone else to stick around. But if Ash wants to work with me moving forward, I'll do what I can to ensure Ash does well.