#and I didn't even get to everything I wanted lol

[exocaliii]

❦︎ Is That What You Want? (It's You)

| Se-mi / Player 380 x fem!reader |

Summary: In the worst possible place, you reunite with someone you never thought you would see again. Fortunately for you, the looming threat of death unveils many long lost feelings you both tried (and failed) to let go.

Word Count: 6.4k

Warnings: mention of suicide, death, violence, hurt/comfort, occasional use of Y/N even tho I do try to avoid it, lots of YEARNING, kind of a childhood friends to lovers typa scenario, kissing (but it's only in like one paragraph at the very end sorry freaksters....)

A/N: SEMI FIC HERE TO MAKE UP FOR HER FUMBLE IN THE LAST ONE!!!! this one is also extremely plot heavy as u can see from the word count LOL but I HOPE YOU GUYS ENJOY!! tried to show her softer side in this as well as her playfulness! this is for the people asking for a se-mi fic in my inbox sorry I made the post before I could click "respond to ask" and now im afraid I might actually delete everything so... this is for u whoever u are <3 I didn't read it over this time y'all so praying for no typos... ENJOY

—

When Se-mi first spots you, you’re crouched down in front of a table and surrounded by four other women as you throw the gonggi pieces into the air. For a solid minute, she thinks her eyes are playing tricks on her - that or this person that bears a striking resemblance to her first real friend wasn’t you at all. However, when your team rapidly advances around the bloodied track, she’s allowed a closer look at you; your hair has grown longer and you’re just a bit taller than the last time she saw you, but your eyes are still the same and that’s what confirms it for her. 

She doesn’t cheer when you win - her throat feels strangely tight and her heart is heavy in her chest even with your victory - but she does feel an overwhelming sense of relief as she watches you bound past the finish line. Seeing you smile and laugh once again stirs something inside of her, an emotion she hasn’t felt for years. 

Before you completely disappear behind the doors of the field, she swears she sees you turn around and look directly at her, vague recognition clear on your face. 

—

“Hey, where are you running off to so fast?”

Laughter rings out behind you as you pick up your pace, clutching your bag tight to your chest. Multiple footsteps fall in behind you, and with a short glance over your shoulder at the agitated faces of the girls trailing you, you realize today might not just end with a bit of teasing. It’s New Year’s Eve though and the sun is mostly set, so maybe they won’t knock you out cold so you can make it home on time to welcome the new year with your family.

“C’mon, aren’t you gonna pay us back?” For what, you want to shout, but before you even get the chance to respond, the footsteps behind you suddenly speed up. You’re practically thrown to the ground with a single hard shove on your back, arms flailing as your bag scuttles across the concrete. “My dad said your family owes us some money, you know, and I don’t mind getting it from you.”

Your head is spinning and your nose feels oddly hot, but you hear her words loud and clear and they send a deep feeling of shame through your entire body. A hand tangles itself in your hair as your head is pulled back, causing yet another fit of laughter to ring throughout the alley. “Fuck, her nose is bleeding so much! Did you break it?”

The one holding you by the hair reassures her group that you’d be fine, they could just say you fell because currently, it was your word against five other students. A part of you begins to wonder if anyone would even come help if you screamed right then - the alley was right next to the school, someone was bound to hear you. 

As the other four begin to sift through your bag for any valuables, you find your mouth sealed shut, afraid that even a whimper of pain would turn the attention of this pack of wolves back towards you. You didn’t have much in your wallet these days, and what you did have was pocket change for emergencies. They would go home disappointed either way, but whatever kept you from getting beaten the worst would be preferred. 

“What the hell, she’s only got like 5000 won in here.” The tallest girl turns to you with both confusion and disdain evident on her face. “Are you really that fucking poor? Where’s the rest of it?”

She stands right back up and so does the other three, all slowly advancing on you as you were held down by the fifth. You don’t even struggle against her loose grip on your hair, slowly coming to accept the fact that you might just have to take a beating for today, because there is no ‘the rest of it.’ 

Perhaps, if you’re lucky, they’ll get bored fast at your lack of reaction to anything they do and you’ll only go home with a bloody nose and a couple easily hidden bruises. 

You can accept that fate, you can accept your place in this world. 

“What the hell’s going on here?” 

Everyone’s heads, even yours, turn towards the lone girl standing at the entrance of the alleyway. With the setting sun behind her, her face is mostly casted in shadows. You think you recognize her as one of the troublemakers in your math class, constantly getting sent outside to stand in the hallway and ‘think about what she’s done.’ Even after being in the same class for two years, you still haven’t quite learned anything about her beyond her antics. The reason for why she’s butting in though, is also lost on you.

“Mind your business, Se-mi.” So that’s her name. It fits her. “We’re just teaching this one a nice lesson in karma.” 

How ironic. Five girls beating on a younger classmate would definitely bring them amazing luck for the New Year.

Se-mi’s eyes trail down towards the ground, towards you, and her eyes take in your bloody nose and the deep-blue bruise already forming on your cheek. For a second, you think she might just leave you here like anyone else would, but after some obvious inner contemplation, she speaks up once again.

“She looks like she understands it just fine now,” she says mockingly, beginning to walk closer towards you all. Her eyes are sharp, leaving no room for argument, and you only wish you could be half as strong to stand up to these girls. “Maybe you guys should just head home.” It sounds less like a suggestion than it does a threat, and your attackers respond in kind. 

“What, you got a problem with us?” It’s obviously not a real question, but a chance for Se-mi to back out now before things get serious. She doesn’t.

“Yeah, I do, so what’re we gonna do about it?” 

Inwardly, you curse yourself for inadvertently placing this stranger at risk to get beat up right alongside you for a problem that definitely had nothing to do with her. 

For a second, the girls are silent, but you can practically feel their anger growing as the one on top of you lets go of your hair. Se-mi stands her ground, expression just as cold as always as they try (and fail) to intimidate her with their glares. You’re frozen in awe of this idiot for both her courage and her poor decision-making skills.

It’s no surprise to you when the tall one lunges forward to try and land the first punch in the inevitable fight, but Se-mi is quick to dodge it and redirect her momentum right into the side of a trash can. All hell breaks loose after that, and for a second, you think your savior might just win the fight with pure skill and experience alone, but reality catches up to you both. 

With pure numbers, they bring Se-mi to the ground, and even though you scramble to your feet and try to fight them as well, you’re humbled even faster with your already pre-existing injuries and lack of knowledge on any forms of fighting. The tall one is the angriest, screaming curses at you both as you’re kicked and punched on the ground. Se-mi’s attempt to get back on her feet is thwarted by a solid hit on her face, and your lack of an attempt is rewarded with a fist right to the center of your ribcage, knocking all the air out from your lungs. 

As you’re beginning to think they might really want to kill you both, sirens in the distance interrupt the bombardment of pain on your sore body. 

“Shit, is that the police? Have we been spotted?” Their voices are now twinged with a hint of anxiety at being caught, and fortunately for the two of you, that’s all it takes to end the assault. “Let’s just leave.”

With a final kick to your back, the girls quickly grab their backpacks and run for it, long forgetting your own bag and the 5000 won that started this beatdown in the first place. 

—

As you look around the giant room for a place to eat, you find yourself unconsciously scanning the crowd for a familiar face as well. 

A part of you is sure that it was her that you walked right by in the middle of the last game, but you were so focused on facing forward to make sure you wouldn’t trip that you weren’t able to get a clear look at her face. Even after you won, you were given little to no time to do anything on the field before being ushered back to the main room. Now, you’re beginning to think that the looming threat of death is making you cling even harder to long lost dreams, but you hope that isn’t enough to make you hallucinate people you used to know. 

Sitting down on one of the unoccupied steps, you open your container and begin digging in, forcing yourself to forget the foolish dream that’s been occupying your mind for hours now. Even during the vote, you found your hand drifting towards the bright red X just in case she really was here and at risk of imminent death (just like everyone else). In the end, the blue patch on your chest is unchanging, and no imaginary companion will change that.

“Y/N?”

Your neck almost snaps clean in half with the way your head shoots up to see the person who just called your name, a name you are 100% sure you didn’t give to anyone here. Yet, when you see who it is, you’re somehow even more surprised than you would’ve been if it was some stranger. 

Se-mi casually stands right in front of you after what felt like a lifetime without her. She smiles - no, smirks at the recognition evident on your face and plops herself down right next to you.

“Long time no see, 399,” she says, her voice teetering on the edge of teasing and what might be genuine happiness to see you again. Of course, she has to ruin the moment by reminding you of the situation you had to reunite in, and you glance down at the number on her chest as well.

“Yeah, it’s good to see you again, 380.” You add as much sass to your voice as you can manage in the moment, but it comes out just as soft as you meant it in your heart because it is good to see her again. 

For a moment, the two of you can only stare at each other, picking up the differences in each person’s appearance since the last time you met. It’s the kind of peaceful silence that you haven’t been afforded for far too long, and now that it’s given to you, you can’t bring yourself to be the one that breaks it. Luckily for you, it seems like Se-mi can’t either, because all she does is stare at you with an indecipherable look in her eyes. If you had to describe it, you might say that it’s the unspoken equivalence of the softness in your voice from earlier (by now, you understand full well that the most genuine emotion you’ll get out of her might just have to come from carefully reading every one of her expressions). 

For a long time, the two of you simply eat in silence, basking in each other’s company. Your legs occasionally brush with how close she sat to you, but it doesn’t feel awkward in the slightest; if anything, it’s comforting, reminding you of your youth together before the real world caught up. 

“So, you know what I’m gonna ask you.” As always, it’s her that breaks the silence between you two, and you can’t blame her for being curious. Afterall, this was a horrible place to meet someone you know.

“My father’s business finally completely collapsed, and now we’re getting chased around the country by loan sharks,” you say, laughing a bit at your own situation. It didn’t take long for you to decide that Se-mi deserved to know the truth, but you knew she would be the last person to judge you for such circumstances. “I didn’t have any other options besides this.”

She doesn’t look at you with pity for your answer. It’s one of the traits you appreciated most from her back then. 

“What about you? How’d you end up in this shithole?” 

Your question earns you a laugh that as always, never fails to make you smile right back at her.

“I mean, I can’t say I’m getting chased around, but I’ve got a bit of debt I need to handle.” She almost decides to cut her story off there, but you’re looking at her with such genuine interest in your eyes that she can’t bring herself to hide the rest from you. How long has it been since someone cared so much about what she had to say? “College was… too expensive. I didn’t have anyone that could help out, so I’ve just been working random jobs here and there.”

Unfortunately, her answer seems completely honest. You wish you could’ve been there by her side, but your own family was dealing with a lot then too. 

“Why didn’t you just… continue to try to make it work out there?” You’re praying that your question doesn’t come off as insensitive, but she seems to find it amusing if anything. “Why would you risk losing everything like this?”

That last phrase earns you a scoff this time, and she turns away with a strained expression, clearly struggling to keep her ever cocky smirk on her face.

“I don’t have anything left to lose. This place is my chance to get a headstart or just…” The rest remains unsaid, and even though she’s speaking so casually, your heart drops at the insinuation. “...I haven’t left a mark on the world at all, Y/N. What happens here really won’t matter much to anyone out there.”

For a second, you’re stumped as to how to answer her. There’s some twisted truth to her reasoning, and you’re sure that if most of the people in this room died tomorrow, their deaths would be passed off as mere victims to loan sharks or suicide. That, or their disappearances wouldn’t be noticed at all. But no. It isn’t the same for Se-mi, and you desperately want her to know that.

“It would matter a lot to me.” You try to make it sound casual so she doesn’t tuck tail and run like she usually does, but you know it left an impact on her with the way her eyes drift to the ground and her brows furrow just slightly. “You left a pretty big impact on my life, you know that?”

As you turn back towards your food, Se-mi glances at you from the corner of her eye. There isn’t a hint of deception or even sarcasm in your face, in your voice, in any part of you. It’s a level of honesty she’s only ever experienced from you, and after being apart for so long, she had forgotten how soothing it was to be on the receiving end of such genuine kindness. 

For years now, she had found herself searching for you in every face she came across, in every friend and partner she had, in every short moment of peace she was allowed in her rocky life. Now that she’s finally found you though, she’s not sure what to do with herself. 

For the rest of night, right up until lights-out, the two of you bask in the silence once again. In your own separate ways, you both sit there and think about each other. You consider what you lost when you were separated from her. She considers the fact that she might’ve just regained something she can now lose if her own life is lost, and the thought of it terrifies her. 

When it’s time to sleep, it’s Se-mi that gets up first, albeit with a great deal of hesitance. The two of you part ways, and before you can get too far, you hear a faint whisper from behind you.

“Good luck tomorrow.”

It makes you crack a smile, turning around to see her still looking at you. Her smile is still strained, but now, there’s a hint of happiness there.

“Yeah, you too, and goodnight, Se-mi.” 

Even now, the sound of your soft voice calling her name makes her heart skip a beat.

—

“What the fuck was that…” 

You finally begin to stir awake at the groans and curses coming from beside, and all your body feels is pain.

God, they really did a number on you didn’t they?

“Fucking cops didn’t even stop for us,” the voice groans again, now paired with a faint shuffling as you watch her attempt to get back on her feet through your incredibly blurry eyes. All you can manage is to roll onto your back, looking up to see the pitch black sky.

Wait, black?! 

How long have you been out?!

“Uff!” A loud clatter of boxes graces your ears as you glance over to see her - Se-mi, was it? - right back on the ground. From the looks of it, her legs were also feeling extremely uncooperative. You already feel like shit, but she took a majority of the beating so she probably feels even worse. Guilt courses through you as she groans in pain, rolling onto her back to mimic your position. 

For a couple minutes, you both lay there in silence, staring up at the empty night sky. In the far distance, cars zoom past on the main road, likely salarymen rushing to get home to their families in time to celebrate New Years.

By now, you've come to the realization that you'll probably would have to celebrate yours alone on the ground this time, considering the fact that your body was not letting you get back up. For now, at least, maybe you can get to know your savior (or rather, attempted savior).

“...I’m sorry about this,” you whisper, sighing heavily into the cold December air.

“Did you get a few hits in on me too?” She’s clearly mocking you, but you can’t even be mad right now. 

“Still… sorry.”

“It’s whatever.” A beat of silence follows. “I never liked those bitches anyways.” 

The second part is almost whispered as if it were a secret between the two of you, and you let out a small chuckle, cutting yourself off before it becomes a laugh as pain shoots up your torso at that small movement. 

In the tranquility that follows, Se-mi begins to fully question why she was laying there on the cold concrete in extreme discomfort for a stranger - well, not really a stranger, but she doesn’t even know your name. Then she thinks back to the ugly feeling she had in her gut watching you get cornered by those stuck-up rich kids, unwilling to even fight back, and she thinks she might’ve done the right thing despite how meaningless this encounter might become. 

She looks over at your bruised face thinking about how similar you looked to a kicked puppy at that instance, and she can’t help but push your buttons even more. 

“Aren’t you glad we were able to save your 5000 won?” 

The absurdity of her statement distracts you from the pain you feel, and after a scoff and a slight shake of your head, you find yourself genuinely laughing for the first time in a long time. It doesn’t take long for her to follow, and after a couple moments, you both find yourselves giggling like children at the shitty situation.

You enjoy this rare moment of companionship for only a couple seconds before you begin hearing loud shouts in the distance.

They’re counting down, but you’re nowhere near home and neither is she.

“5!”

“Hey, what’s your name?” 

“4!”

You turn your head and answer her, and she smiles at you.

“3!”

“I’m Se-mi.” 

“2!”

It’s different hearing her name from her own mouth, spoken without any of the hatred that your attackers infused into the word.

“1!”

You both look up just in time to see fireworks lighting up the once dark sky, red, yellow, and green hues reflecting in your eyes as you force yourself to relax and take in the moment. 

In this moment, with Se-mi by your side, you don’t feel as lonely as you expected yourself to be. It’s a feeling of comfort you’re rarely given, but you openly bask in it as you think about the confidence and bravery it must’ve taken to stand up against five people like that. In another life, perhaps, you could be someone like her, protecting people like you. 

Like a knight in shining armor.

“Happy New Year, Y/N. I’m going to sleep now.” Your head snaps over in her direction as she folds her hands behind her head and closes her eyes, getting way too comfortable on the ground of a shady alleyway.

“What?” No response. “What the hell are you talking about? We’re not sleeping here!”

She bluntly ignores you and her breaths get heavier, but it’s obvious that she’s just pretending to be asleep. The thought of getting up and leaving by yourself crosses your mind, but you can’t bring yourself to part with this girl just yet.

With a resigned sigh, you roll onto your side with a pained groan and close your eyes as well, praying that no mysterious van comes to kidnap you two in this moment.

“Happy New Year, Se-mi.” Silence. “And thank you.”

You’re already facing her so when you peak open your eyes, you see her lips twitch upwards at your choice to stay, and that solidifies the deal.

When morning comes the next day, you don’t even bother going home first before walking alongside her to school. You sit next to her in class for the first time, and you share the lunch you bought with her under the guise of ‘not being able to finish it.’ She’s resistant at first, but eventually, she indulges you. 

This routine continues for the next two years. It’s only interrupted when you break the news to her that your father is forcing the family to flee because of his growing debts. 

That night, you both walk back to the alley and lay there together under the stars.

You think you might’ve seen her eyes water once or twice, but you say nothing, unwilling to break the sacred silence between the two of you. It’s the last one you share for years, until you inevitably see her again in the worst possible place.

—

As everyone begins filing out to head to the next game, Se-mi feels an uncontrollable urge to break away from her current group to go find you once again. She can already see you in the distance, but even though the two of you make eye contact for a brief moment, you look away upon seeing her already large group. 

Shoving her hands in her pockets, she begins to turn away from the rambling of Thanos and Nam-gyu behind her, but a meek voice calls out her name and stops her.

“Where are you going?” 

It’s Min-su, and he’s looking at her like a lost animal terrified of losing its protector. A wave of guilt crashes into her at the thought of leaving this poor boy to the sharks, and even though your face is still the only thing on her mind, she wonders if it’s worth it to betray her new group. 

If she left now, she might not make it through this next game. 

If she dies now, she won’t get a second chance at life (and a second chance to live by your side again, but she pushes that thought to the side for now). 

“Nowhere, let’s go.”

That’s all it takes to appease him, and with one last glance over to where she saw you last, she reintegrates herself back into the group and moves forward. 

—

Even though the first two rounds pass by without a hitch, you think this game might be the most dangerous one yet. You’ve got your own little group from the Six-Legged Race, but as the announcer called for rooms of four, you watch the youngest girl of your team get shoved out of your group by two others (sisters, if you remembered correctly). It’s heartbreaking to hear her cry out as you all ran away, but you can’t save her and save yourself at the same time. 

You’ve made it this far, and you’d be damned if you were sent home an empty handed corpse now. 

As the platform begins to spin again, you pat the shoulder of the woman standing next to you - 047. She was closer to the younger one than you were, and her death obviously shook the poor lady up. Her reaction makes you realize how distant you’ve been to everyone since you arrived (with one notable exception, of course), and you find your own heart beating hard against your chest at the thought of being abandoned as well. 

“3 players.”

Of course.

For a second, the four of you freeze. The sisters are holding onto each other’s hands with a death grip, and you know now that it’s between you and 047. A part of you thinks about shoving her down so you could run away with the other two, but something behind her catches your eye before you can do anything.

It’s Se-mi. 

She’s standing completely alone, hand held out towards nobody, and not a single other person from that group you saw her with earlier by her side. 

Like it’s muscle memory, you shove past 047 and run the fastest you’ve ever ran right at her. You hear a faint yell of gratitude from behind you as you wrap your arms around Se-mi and pull her forward towards one of the empty rooms in the distance. The impact seems to wake her out of her stupor, changing your awkward position so that now, you’re running side by side with her hand in yours. Along the way, you grab a stray girl up from the ground by the back of her sweater and pull her along to complete the three. 

As you all clamber into the room, Se-mi slams the door shut behind you, barely missing the time-out buzzer. The lock clicks shut, and you hear gunfire outside, but she ignores all of it to turn around to look at you. This is the most emotional she’s looked since you’ve reunited, eyes downturned with sadness and a hint of fear at how close she was to death. 

Ignoring the girl repeatedly thanking you to your right, you walk up to Se-mi and pull her into a tight hug, relishing in the warmth of her body. 

“I’m glad I made it in time, 380.”

You feel her arms beginning to wrap around you before the lock clicks open, forcing you to pull apart to exit the room. Your hand doesn’t leave hers, and it’s a clear signal that you’ll be sticking by her side for the rest of this game.

Se-mi doesn’t even find herself searching the arena for Min-su and the others as you walk with her back to the platform, completely distracted by the tingling sensation in her hand as you interlace your fingers together. It’s a feeling that’s new to her, being chosen by someone in a manner like this; of course, she’s been desired before, maybe even loved (despite her inability to return the other person’s feelings), but this is different somehow. In this scenario, it’s you, not some random girl she met at a bar. It’s you choosing to risk your life to make sure she continues living, and in the wake of this realization, the feelings that she’s been shoving down for countless years come rushing back to her. 

As the next rounds pass by, you remain unchanging by her side. Even as the announcer calls for 2 players, you don’t even hesitate to pull her with you, leaving behind everyone you joined up with in the last couple rounds. 

Even after you run over the blood of countless others, you never let go of her hand, and she never lets go of yours.

—

“You really saved my ass back there.”

Here, back in the comfort of this familiar room, Se-mi has regained her usual joking nature, smirking at you as you nod, very clearly proud of yourself.

“Yes, I did. Maybe you should give me your share of the prize money for that,” you say, holding out your hand to her. She laughs and wraps her arm around your shoulder, walking you back over to the steps where you had your first conversation. 

“Maybe I will, or maybe I’ll pay for a couple meals together instead.” The innuendo isn’t lost on you, and your face goes red as she gets even cockier. “It’s time I pay for you for all those lunches, but dinner wouldn’t be so bad either.”

Your face is still turned away from her in embarrassment, but she can still see the blush on your cheeks, revelling in her own ability to make you fold. You mumble something under your breath, but she’s too focused on her victory to hear you. 

“What was that?”

“I said, you’ve already saved me plenty of times before, more times than you can count, so I should treat you first.” 

The warmth in her chest returns full force, and now, it’s her fighting to keep a blush off her face, lest you start embarrassing her about that too. She wonders, what would it be like to take you out on a proper date? She imagines you all dressed up, and in that moment, she decides what she wants to spend her prize money on first when you all leave this place. 

She wants to buy you flowers. She wants to take you to a nice, luxurious restaurant and show you off, then under the stars, she’ll ask you to be hers.

“Whatever you say, pretty lady.”

That earns her a smack on the arm and a scoff as your face starts burning once again (to Se-mi’s absolute delight). 

The moment is unfortunately interrupted by the main doors sliding open, and you watch as the pink guards file in. At the front table, two giant buttons lay waiting for the remaining contestants. Everyone around you begins to speak in hushed tones, obviously discussing their plans for the next vote. 

“Are you going to change your vote?” As you spin around to face her again, Se-mi gestures down at the blue patch on your chest. 

During your entire walk back, you had been contemplating your unchanging choice to stay and risk your life. For the majority of the first two days, you lived life believing there would be no consequences to your death. You wouldn’t lose anything - your life was already in immense danger outside this place, so your family wouldn’t be too surprised if you turned up dead either. There was nothing to lose and everything to gain, and so, O was the easy choice.

Then Se-mi walks back into your life and complicates the hell out of it. 

Now, you realize that if you vote to stay, you’re also voting for her to stay and risk her life. If either of you died here, you would be wasting this chance cast upon you to experience the world by her side.

“Yes, this should be enough money for my family to be able to live normally again.” 

She nods, and even though it looks like she’s still contemplating her decision, Se-mi made her choice as soon as you took her hand in the last game.

“Even if there were less money in the pig right now, I think I’d still pick to leave.” You smile softly at her and look her directly in the eye as you continue. “Being wealthy is a faraway dream, but for now, I just want to live in the company of those I love.” You squeeze her hand and hold your gaze, and this time, Se-mi isn’t able to hold back the blush that rushes onto her face.

If these games don’t take her out, you’ll really be the death of her.

—

As you silently eat what is hopefully your last meal in this place together, two groups of men clamber out of the bathroom. They’re bloodied and there’s a horrifying look of pure bloodlust on many of their faces, and you feel your heart drop. 

Would there be a fight tonight? Is that allowed?

Se-mi sees the fear on your face and gently rubs her thumb on the back of her hand. Despite her best efforts though, your concerns are not assuaged and you realize that getting shot by the pink guards might not be the only way you can die in this place. 

These people are hungry and hopeless, and you fully understand the lengths many would go through for a second chance.

“Se-mi, sleep with me tonight.” 

Her eyebrows raise and she smirks, but even this attempt to lighten the air with her usual humor doesn’t work, but still, she agrees immediately and you try to swallow the lump in your throat. You’re sure that no matter what happens, you won’t find sleep tonight, but that pales in comparison to your desire to protect Se-mi at all costs. 

You won’t leave this place without her. 

—

As the strobe lights turn on and off, your eyes bounce around the room as you search for somewhere, anywhere that might be free of the insane violence. Every way you look, there’s some sort of fight happening - that or you’ve just watched someone get brutally murdered in their own bed. For a second, you consider that you might be safe if you and her just stand still in your little corner, but a man rounds the corner and you feel yourself freeze up.

“Come here, you fucking traitor bitch!” It’s 124, and he looks like a rabid animal with red painted across his face and a bloody fork in his hand. In the back of your mind, you slap yourself for not keeping the utensil for self defense. 

Se-mi attempts to shove you further behind her as he begins charging at you two, but before you can even make a move, a glass bottle shatters at his feet. You all look up to see a young man that you don’t recognize, but from the rage on 124’s face, you figure he might’ve been one of his old teammates. 

In their distracted states, you rush forward, grabbing a shard of glass from the floor and swinging it right at the man’s head. Unfortunately for you, you still have absolutely no skills when it comes to fighting and he easily dodges the hit. It doesn’t feel like some slow motion action movie when you see his fork flying at your neck at full speed, but somehow, you’re fast enough to lift your hand so that it punctures right through your palm instead. You scream, and behind you, Se-mi calls your name as well. 

In an extremely painful rush of adrenaline, you maneuver his and your body to switch places, trusting Se-mi to take care of the rest. In the few flashes of light that you’re granted, you see her rush forward with her own shard of glass in hand, unforgivingly jabbing it right into the side of 124’s neck. 

“Fuck! Fucking bitch!” His scream pierces your ears as he finally lets you go, and you don’t waste the moment you get. Pulling his fork out of your hand, you slam it down into the side of his head with all your strength. 

A beat passes, then he falls to the ground unmoving. 

“Are you okay?! Let me see!” Se-mi rushes forward and takes you in her arms, dragging both of you backwards towards the wall as she inspected your injuries. In the rush that followed watching someone die by your own hands, you can barely feel the pain at all. All you can focus on is the woman in front of you and how afraid you were when 124 charged at her. 

“Se-mi - Se-mi, listen to me,” you choke you, using your bloody hands to gently hold her face. Her eyes are glossy with unshed tears, and you can see how much the encounter shook her to her core. “When we leave this place, promise me you’ll stay by my side.”

Your voice is desperate and you can feel your own tears rising, vision getting blurry as you struggle to wipe them off with the sleeve of your sweater. It looks like Se-mi barely heard your request with the way she was still scanning your body for any serious injuries. 

“What?! What are you-”

“Promise me! Please!” You’re openly sobbing now, holding onto the one thing keeping you moving in this world, and finally, she focuses her gaze back on your face. With a quiet voice, she finally responds to you with a shaky smile.

“How could I ever leave you?”

Her eyes are the most expressive they’ve been, filled with concern and what looks like love, the same love that you’ve held for her ever since you were 16. 

With trembling hands, she holds your face just as you hold hers and leans in, pressing her lips against yours. It’s not gentle - it’s more desperate if anything, but you feel like flying in that moment. As your legs slowly give out, she holds you carefully in her arms and lowers the both of you to the floor. 

Finally, as you begin to drown out the surrounding chaos, the world around you falls silent as well. You close your eyes and imagine that you’re back in that alleyway, finally at peace with the person you love the most.

When you open your eyes again, she’s still right there in front of you, and you’re the happiest you’ve been since the day you met.

—

A/N: PLOT MONSTER STRIKES AGAIN!!! anyways this was inspired by a cherry waves edit I saw of her on TikTok where she told min-su "I thought you wouldn't deceive me" so I had to give her a girl that she KNOWS would never deceive her... okay guys hope y'all enjoy and as always plz PLZ LMK WHAT U THINK!! I love interacting with y'all im serious... and for the no eul lovers I see u and I hear u... but its gonna be a bit till that one comes out cuz im about to start second semester college... hashtag NOT FUNNY ANYMORE

also im still playing around with the layout of my posts so if I keep doing different sht and it throws u off im so sorry LOL

[redwinelew]

saw you’re taking requests! would love to get a lewis teammates/rivals smau where they’re both in love with each other but idiots in realizing it

repressed, compressed | lewis hamilton [1/2]

social media au. east-asian + female + driver!reader

summary as requested!

face claim chloe bennet

song compress / repress by trent reznor & atticus ross from the challengers (2024) original score

warnings suggestive (when have i not write a fic that is not), a lot of banters, lewis being an asshole a bit, a little misogynistic tone (not from lewis ofc), probably inaccurate timeline

author's note timeline is a mess so fuck it we ball. george is merc reserve driver bcs i love him so we're keeping him around here.

english is not my first language. all pictures taken from instagram, pinterest and twitter. credit to owners.

[part one] [part two]

masterlist | request info | requests are CLOSED!

ynln just made a post!

♬ Demons • Hayley Kiyoko

liked by lewishamilton, oscarpiastri and 1,882,627 others

ynln me when i'm not driving a car in circles and nobody pisses me off

view all 3,246 comments

user MOTHER JUST POSTED

user thank god she's alive

user caption omg not the shade 😭😭

user user and yet the person she's shading has the nerves to like her post — liked by ynln!

user user the fact that he doesn't even follow her 🤭🤭 but let me keep my mouth shut for now

user can't wait for the break to end i miss watching the races

ynln user u and me both except i'm driving

lewishamilton demon is exactly what you are

ynln lewishamilton omg why are u so obsessed with me 😰😰😰😰😰😰

lewishamilton ynln i'm really not

ynln lewishamilton then stop terrorizing my comment section nobody wants u here

ynln lewishamilton also that was a mean girls reference but ofc your old ass wouldn't get it

user ynln OOOOHHHHHHHHH

user ynln MIC DROP

user ynln lewishamilton i like how u guys are fighting on track but roast each other on social media

ynln user lol i would actually fight him rn if given the chance

lewishamilton ynln i'd like to see you try

ynln lewishamilton i'm literally taller than u but ok

mercedesamgf1 ynln lewishamilton okay that's enough.

ynln mercedesamgf1 oh ffs

user mercedesamgf1 i could practically hear toto's voice rn scolding his children

user GOOSE CAMEO LET'S GOOOO

user user goose?

user user her dog's name!! y/n named her dog after goose from top gun bcs she once said that she was obsessed with the film as a child and even had a top gun themed birthday party with tom cruise's face on her cake and everything lol you can find the picture on google . she wanted to become an air force pilot bcs of the film but her family didn't let her so she tried out karting and the rest is history!!

user user oh that's kind of adorable 🥹🥹 i wonder how she felt when lewis said that he was almost in top gun maverick

ynln user absolutely grateful that the greatest legacy sequel of all time wasn't ruined by his presence. the only time i'm happy for our packed schedule

user ynln 😭😭😭😭

lewishamilton ynln you are just bitter that you didn't get tom's autograph when he was at silverstone

ynln lewishamilton yk what fuck you

lewishamilton ynln i bet you'd like that wouldn't you

user lewishamilton WOAH@!_:3;3!#?

user lewishamilton WHAT DID HE SAYYYYYYY

mercedesamgf1 lewishamilton ynln i'm not getting paid enough for this shit

user mercedesamgf1 poor admin 😭😭

lewishamilton just made a post!

liked by ynln, annaxsitar and 1,729,113 others

lewishamilton ready and energized 👊🏾

view all 15,859 comments

user BARK BARK GRRRR

user raw and passionate.

user until the neighbours know his name

user as someone who bickers with lewis a lot, y/n sure does like his posts

user user especially the shirtless ones 😭😭

user user i have his notifs on and yet when i open his posts y/n is always here first 😭😭

user 100plus ahh caption 💀💀

ynln god help whichever f1 staff that is going to be fired for this

lewishamilton ynln you literally posted your whole ass the other day

ynln lewishamilton oh so you were looking?

lewishamilton ynln in your dreams, l/n

ynln lewishamilton i bet u do dream about this ass, hamilton

mercedesamgf1 ynln lewishamilton what did we talk about arguing on social media

user mercedesamgf1 omg admin is here

lewishamilton mercedesamgf1 she started it first

ynln lewishamilton u mean fulfilling your life long dream of seeing my ass? no need to thank me babe

georgerussell63 ynln i'm next to him he's blushing right now

lewishamilton georgerussell63 get out of here this doesn't concern you

ynln georgerussell63 oh? 😏😏😏😏 do tell me more

lewishamilton georgerussell63 please don't

ynln lewishamilton boo hoo too late he just dmed me 😝😝

user lewis saw y/n post and was like yk what i'll do you one better 😭😭

user user no complaints here though 🫦

user i just KNOW that mercedes and f1 publicists are tired of y/n and lewis bullshit 😭😭

user it's the way y/n and lewis practically canNOT stand each other on track but are flirting on instagram

user user y/n flirts with everybody and i don't mean that in a misogynistic tone but as in she's just nice that way

user user i don't think the hate is real, maybe it's just for pr

user user i don't think lewis has the time to do this length of pr anymore 😭😭 it's been happening since y/n joined mercedes which has been YEARS

user user also would be weird on mercedes' side. they are putting the only black and female drivers in f1 history against each other? this does not look good on their part

media day!

race day!

post race!

taglist @seonghwaexile @pansexualwitchwhoneedstherapy @nothaqks @serendipityf1 @jajouska @cowboylikebrie @kpop-obsessed-girly

[evilmenenjoyer]

City of Love

Pairing: The Salesman x fem!Reader

Summary: Months after winning the Squid Games, you receive an unwanted visit from the man who's been haunting you since the very beginning.

Word count: 5k

Warnings: smut (minors dni), drinking, sex in a public place, some murderous thoughts. Don't be fooled by the title, it's very much not a fluffy romantic fic lol.

*

The City of Love.

At least, that's what everyone calls it. It felt like the place to be after all the horrors you had endured in the past year – horrors you don't dare to say a word about to another soul. Friends and acquaintances have told you about how great it is, how beautiful, how magical. About how just a few days here will heal any woes in your heart.

Of course, it didn't work. Now you're just depressed in Paris.

It's not all bad. The Eiffel tower looks just as pretty as it does in pictures, especially late at night when it lights up and sparkles. The historic architecture and cobblestone streets are a nice break from the modern buildings you're used to from Seoul, so different it almost erases the memories sometimes. Never for too long. Just when you think you're slipping back into something resembling normalcy, they return in your nightmares in the shape of blood, pink jumpsuits and children’s games.

This afternoon, it takes the shape of a ghost – a tall, handsome man, whose face you’ve only ever seen in dreams and in the subway lines of Seoul.

All color drains from your face in a matter of seconds, all that pink winter flush.

“What the hell are you doing here?”

He smiles, like you're an old friend. It nearly throws you off your balance by how natural it looks, like he's not forcing it.

“Beautiful city, isn't it? Especially at this time of the year.”

This can't be happening. The whole reason you left South Korea was to put distance between yourself and those horrific games, and all the people associated with them. To just run into one right here, in a different continent, mere months after your victory; it makes you feel like you're about to pass out.

You stand up from your seat and walk right out of the patisserie, leaving your ridiculously overpriced hot chocolate nearly untouched on the table.

You knew, somehow, that he would follow you, but you still prayed he wouldn’t. That it had been your imagination, or the PTSD, or anything other than the Salesman himself crossing paths with you in Paris.

“I expected a warmer welcome,” a voice behind you says, making you pause your stroll down the street. Fortunately – or maybe unfortunately – you still haven’t completely lost track of what's real and what's not, and you can tell that voice is real, clear as day. He’s real and here and that terrifies you to your very core.

Turning around to face him, you hate how he still looks every bit as infuriatingly handsome as he did the first time you saw him.

“What are you doing here?” you repeat, your voice shaky and not nearly as incisive ad you’d like it to be.

“Visiting,” he replies. He turns to gaze at the scenery around you. In your hurry to get away from him, you didn't even realize you ended up at the Pont Neuf, the old bridge crossing the Seine River. Dusk settles around the two of you, the purple-ish color of the sky reflected on the river, almost too pretty for this situation. “Like I said, France is quite nice during the winter.”

You scoff. “You expect me to believe it's just a big coincidence that you and I ended up in the same place, five thousand miles away from home, at the same time?”

“Small world, isn't it?”

“I’m serious. I did everything you people wanted. I beat the games, I took the money and I kept my mouth shut. You were supposed to leave me the fuck alone.”

“Did what we wanted?” Something in his smile changes, shifts from warmth to something more sinister. “We never forced you to do anything. Remember that. You brought whatever happened on yourself.”

Cold air rushes over you, drawing a shiver out of you. It's not snowing yet, but it start might soon. It's hard to remember you were once excited for it.

He reaches out, ignoring the warnings in your eyes as he runs a finger over the smooth fabric of your scarf, then wraps it around your neck one more time. It’s almost a tender gesture, if he was someone else entirely. It should have you flinching, or slapping his hand away. Instead, it only makes you freeze in your spot.

“Yves Saint Laurent,” he notes. “I see you’ve been making good use of that money.”

It doesn't sound accusatory, but it feels like it anyway. Even after months, it still feels wrong to use the money, despite all the literal blood, sweat and tears it took to get it. Like you should be gathering it all in a pile and setting fire to it in protest. But what would that change? Why shouldn't you be allowed to use it to build a new life for yourself?

So you stayed in five star hotels. So you bought a few more pairs of Louboutin shoes than necessary. Therapy was out of the question, so this was the next best thing you could come up with for the time being. Best-case scenario, a therapist would think you're a nutcase. Worst case, they’d turn you in to the authorities for confessing to multiple murders you had committed at the Squid Games. You didn’t want to take the risk.

“I thought that was the idea,” you say. The Salesman’s hands are still on the fabric, merely touching it, but that doesn't stop your mind from picturing him gripping it, pulling on it until you suffocate in the garment you bought as some empty, mediocre sign of victory.

“It suits you.” He lets his hands fall with no damage to your throat or to your respiratory system. “Much better than those knock-offs you used to wear.”

It disturbs you that he even remembers that. As far as you know, you were only one of the hundreds of people who had played ddakji with him at the subway station. You remembered every second of it, replayed it in your mind over and over again, but there was nothing particularly memorable about you back then. You lost most rounds. You hoped against hope that he would ask you out, even after your cheek was red and stinging.

That was a different version of you. One that smiled more, even with all the hardships in your life. One that was too naive to realize she was selling her soul to the devil from that very first game of ddakji.

“Since the city brought us together,” the Salesman says, “I’d like to buy you a drink.”

It would be impossible to keep the surprise from your face if you’d tried. Those are words you would've loved to hear all those months ago, and now that he says them, you can barely draw enough air into your lungs to tell him to fuck off.

“Why? So you can kill me the second we’re off the street?”

He chuckles, like he finds your confusion amusing. “Why would I do that?”

“Isn't that why you're here?” Why else would it be, after all? Maybe it's part of their sick games; to give one person the illusion of victory, let them enjoy the money for a few months, then go after them and kill them. Or worse, pull them back in.

“If I wanted to kill you, I could do it anywhere.”

You suppose there's no arguing with that, but you're not sure if it makes you feel better. Good news: you're still breathing. Bad news: you're still breathing only until he allows you to.

“You still didn't tell me why you came after me, then,” you point out.

“Let's have a drink, and I’ll tell you.”

You must be insane for even considering this. The naive girl that had first seen him in the subway, coming home late at night from work, would be enthusiastically urging you to go. You’re supposed to know better than her.

“One drink,” you say. “Then you go home and never contact me again.”

His smile widens. “I know a nice place.”

*

He brings you to a piano bar just a few blocks away from the bridge. It's a fancy place, the kind that makes you feel underdressed even in your designer clothes. He blends right in – not only because of the sleek, tailored suit, but because of his demeanor, the natural elegance with which he carries himself.

Not for the first time, you wonder if he was born into wealth, or if he was ever like you. Someone who had to claw his way out of poverty. You can't picture it, but there's so much you don't know about him. It's what makes him so scary and confusing to you, but also so damn intriguing.

He orders for you before you have the chance to open your mouth. Dom Pérignon, two glasses. You raise your eyebrows once the waiter walks away.

“Are we celebrating something?”

“Your victory.”

The response makes your stomach drop. “I don't want to celebrate that.” Not with anyone, but especially not with him.

He gives a small shrug. “Just a special occasion, then.”

The dimmed, warm lights of the bar make the place feel so intimate, almost romantic in a sense. You don't know what to make of it, so you force yourself to look away from him, even when you can still feel his stare unflinching on you. Luckily, the waiter shows up just in time, pouring you both glasses of the bubbly drink and leaving the bottle in a bucket on the table.

You turn back to the Salesman, glaring at him. “I said one drink, not one bottle.”

“You never specified,” he replies, fake innocence in his eyes. “Gives us more time to catch up. Maybe even play a game, for old time’s sake.”

The mere mention of a game makes you want to run away, to lock yourself in the restroom and refuse to come out. It has to be intentional; he has to know what kinds of things would be running through your head, after everything you’d gone through. You take a long gulp of the champagne, nearly done with the entire glass in one go. You can't let him get to you like this. You do your best to look unbothered.

“Do you walk around with ddakji tiles everywhere?” you ask. “Just in case you find someone who wants to play?”

That earns a soft laugh out of him. “No, not ddakji.”

He reaches into the inside pocket of his jacket, pulling out what looks like a standard deck of cards.

“Have you ever played blackjack?”

You have, but hesitation is written all over your features. “What if I don't want to play?”

“Do you think I’d force you?” he asks, like you're a fool for even thinking so. “Like I said, you were never forced to do anything. It's your choice.” He sips his own champagne in a much classier, more contained way than you. Like he's happy to draw this out for hours, rather than wanting this night to be over as soon as possible. “But you’ve beaten much harder games before. This should be nothing for our big victor, right?”

There's a challenge in his voice, in his eyes. You should know better than to fall for it. So why is there a part of you that still feels like you have a point to prove? That feels like, with a little bit of luck and skill, you can finally beat this man at his own game?

“Fine.” You cross your arms over the table. “Let’s do this.”

Pleased with your answer, he shuffles the cards in his hands. You watch him, almost as mesmerized as you’d been watching him play ddakji at the subway station. It's so hard not to get lost in it, but you refuse to look away in shyness and hesitation again, keeping your eyes on him as you sip the rest of the champagne in your glass.

He refills it before placing four cards on the table: two facing upwards for you, one face-down and one face-up for himself, the dealer.

The rules are simple: your cards all together need to get as close to 21 without going over. Whichever one of you gets the closest wins the round. You have a nine and a four, totaling thirteen. The Salesman has a five, and a card that's invisible for you. 

“Hit me,” you say, figuring your odds can't be too bad.

He places one more card to your pile: a seven. Twenty in total. Your heart speeds up inside your chest, already triumphant even before the end.

He reveals all his cards to you: the five you’ve already seen, a nine, and a three. Seventeen. Your smile widens, relief washing over you like you’d just escaped a near-death experience. You don't think beating a game, no matter the kind, will ever not feel like this again.

“Not bad,” he compliments. He reaches into another pocket for his wallet, drawing a hundred euro note and pushing it towards you on the table.

You just stare at it with an eyebrow raised, baffled and, frankly, a bit offended. With the tip of your index finger, you push the bill back to him.

“Do you really think I still need your money?”

“It's just symbolic,” he argues, but still tucks the money back into his wallet. “Of course, we can bet on other things too, if you’d prefer.”

“What kind of things?”

“Whatever you want. You won.”

“Whatever I want?” A grin stretches across your lips as you lean forward on the table. “Like a dare?”

He leans forward as well, like he wants to meet you in the middle. His eyes never leave yours. “Like a dare.”

You wonder just how far he’d take this game, if he would do something outrageous or serious just because you told him to. Maybe not. But even this is the kind of power that you never, ever imagined you would have over this man.

“Okay. Let me see your wallet.”

He hands it over without a fight. You rummage through all of it, ignoring all the cash and instead looking for something else, anything personal. But there's nothing. No family photos, no old receipts, not even a condom tucked inside one of the pockets. At last you find his ID license, the name Park Ha-Joon listed beside a smiling picture of him that looks so normal you almost want to laugh.

“It's not your real name, is it?”

He smiles. “Smart girl.”

“It was worth a shot.” You close the wallet and hand it back to him.

He shuffles the cards, hands them over again. Seven and six. You tap the cards in a sign for him to hit you with one more.

“Do you really want to know why I came to see you?”

Your eyes snap in his direction, not even looking at the new card that’s placed in front of you. 

“I thought you’d be one of the first to die in a place like that.” He looks focused on the game as he talks, “When I found out you were the winner, I wanted to see it for myself.”

Your throat tightens, making it hard to draw in my next breath. You look around yourself, as if trying to make sure you're really here and not at that disturbing colorful scenario, or at the bunk beds in the dorm. Still the piano bar. Warm lights, soft chatter of conversation, piano notes ringing through the air. The mental image of that place still doesn't vanish from your mind.

“See what, exactly?” you ask, even though you know it would be better not to.  

“If you truly earned it, or if you’re just one more piece of trash who got lucky, like all the others before you.”

Your hand must twitch, an involuntary movement you're not even aware of, and the Salesman places another card to your pile. You look down at it in horror, realizing all the cards together total to twenty-three.

“I didn't say hit me,” you protest.

“You tapped. You know that's the sign.” He looks over the cards again, as if just noticing the source of your distress instead of directly causing it. “Too bad.”

It's not fair, and you both know it, but you doubt pointing it out will make a difference. You bite your tongue around any words as well as the lump that's formed in your throat, tears trying to rush to the surface. Your gaze meets his and holds it.

“Are you going to slap me?”

He’s still for a moment, considering it. It's one thing to hit you in the face in a mostly-empty subway station late at night, and another entirely to do it in this sophisticated bar, with all these people around as witnesses. Still, you don't doubt that he would do it. You hold yourself back from flinching when his hand comes out, bracing yourself for the impact.

It never comes. Instead, his hands merely cup your cheeks, tilting your face to face him fully. He looks at you like he's studying you, his expression unreadable.

“Not now. I want something else,” he says. “A round of shots.”

His grip on your face is firm, but he runs the pad of his thumb over the curve of your cheekbone, like wiping away a teardrop that never fell. A gesture that can only be described as affectionate, and it's messing with your head way more than the slaps on the face did.

You nod.

He holds on for just a second too long before he lets you go. He orders the shots to the waiter – you pay no attention to the brand, or even the type of booze –, and you don't say another word until after they're placed in front of you on the table, small glasses so clean they gleam under the light.

“I crawled my way out of that hell,” you tell him. “You have no idea what I had to do to survive. You don't get to sit here and tell me I didn't fucking earn it.”

He looks more amused than anything. “To kill for necessity, anyone can do. It doesn't make you as special as you think it does.” He nods towards the shot on the table, reaching for his own. “Drink.”

You count one, two, three in your head before throwing the shot back, unable to suppress a grimace when the drink comes down your throat like liquid fire.

“Why do you wanna get me drunk so bad?”

He empties his shot glass as well. “Drinking together ensures none of us has an advantage.” He picks up the deck of cards again, before you ever have the chance to tell him you’ve had enough of this game. The words die down in your throat.

One more round. Your cards add up to seventeen.

It’s too risky to ask for one more card; anything higher than four would mean an instant loss. Only then you notice the sweat under your palms, the rush in your ears overpowering the piano music in the background. You force yourself to take a deep breath, to remember that your life is not on the line anymore and losing doesn't mean certain death, even though it feels like it.

He reveals his cards. Eighteen.

“Fuck.”

He seems pleased with himself, accessing you as you brace yourself for whatever he has in mind for you now.

“Come a little closer,” he orders.

You frown, but you find yourself obeying without much questioning, getting up from your chair to slide to the seat next to him on the booth.

He pours you both more Dom Pérignon, and this time he doesn't have to tell you to drink. You focus on the way the bubbles dance inside your mouth, if only to have something to distract yourself from his proximity, from the faint smell of his cologne or from the fact he still hasn't told you what he wants from you for losing this round

His hand lands on your thigh.

You jump in surprise, and his hand tightens its grip there, digging into your skin and keeping you in your seat. Your eyes widen and search for his, a question clear in them.

With his free hand, the Salesman pushes the cards in your direction. “You’ll be the dealer now,” he says, “and for each time you lose, I get to keep my hands on you for one more round.”

Say no, you tell yourself. Say something. A better, stronger woman would throw the champagne in the glass on his face and walk right out of this bar. Instead, you find yourself still as a statue, a sudden rush of warmth overflowing your senses – first, it rises to your face, coloring your cheeks red, then it travels lower to the pit of your stomach and down right into the space between your legs.

You can’t even tell if it’s the alcohol, spreading through your bloodstream and bringing a buzzing sensation to your head that’s not all unpleasant, or the fact you haven’t been touched like this in what feels like forever, or simply the man sitting next to you. How many times had you fantasized about this, until you realized that he was the catalyst of your ruin?

Maybe even a few times after that.

You take the deck of cards. He grins like he knew you would, like a master pleased with a dog following his command. You want to wipe that look off his face, but you can barely concentrate enough to properly shuffle the cards.

If you felt like you were fighting for your life before, it’s nothing compared to right now. The hand doesn’t move, doesn’t so much as twitch until the very final moments of the round, when you realize the two of you are tied. A fingertip slides up the fabric of your stockings until it stops at your knee, your skin erupting in goosebumps following the movement. Your heart beats so hard inside your chest you can barely hear the chatter of people around you as the bar fills in with people.

You lose the next round, and the next, and the one after that. You can’t even tell if you’re doing it on purpose anymore.

With each passing minute that you don’t push him away, that you allow him to test and cross your boundaries, he gets more daring, drawing shapes in the perimeter of your leg and curling into your inner thigh. Your chest rises with a breath that comes tumbling out, the sound of it way too close to a whimper for your liking.

You can tell he notices it instantly, observant and apparently fluent in your body language like he’s spent years of his life studying it. He takes the opportunity to let his hand wander under your skirt, to the spots it hadn’t covered yet.

That’s enough. You need to win this next round.

It’s like, for once, God listens to your prayers. Your cards add up to an even, perfect twenty-one to his nineteen.

He retrieves his hand as if on cue. You thought you would be gasping in relief, but what comes out instead is a pitiful, almost desperate don’t.

He raises an eyebrow. “Don’t as in stop?” he asks. “Or as in don’t stop?”

Your body answers the question for him before your mind can even process what happened, grabbing his hand and pulling it to the spot where it was. Your skin comes ablaze the second he touches you again, like his touch is charged with electricity.

“Did you know,” you can feel his breath so close to you when he speaks, his lips brushing the shell of your ear, “that you were the first person who ever challenged me to play ddakji at the subway? Usually it’s the other way around. Nobody but you ever made the first move.”

It’s hard to concentrate on his words like this, with his body leaning into yours and his hand that still touches you under the table and– whoa, that is not your thigh. The solid press against your core makes your whole body twitch, but you don’t jerk away. You try to focus on the memory.

“I didn’t give a fuck about the game,” you reveal. “I just wanted you to notice me.”

“I know.” He draws small, precise circles over you. “Do you ever think about how I would’ve left you alone otherwise?”

Of course you do, more than you would ever admit. But having him confirm it hurts. It’s bad enough to know you’re the one who caused all the trauma you’ve been through since meeting him, that you could’ve just carried on with your life, shitty as it as, if only you weren’t a foolish girl with a crush on a stranger. But to be in his arms right now, your head falling over his shoulder and your lips releasing a tiny whimper; it just makes it all the more fucked up.

“Was it worth it?”

The smile on your lips is devoid of any humor. “Never.”

“Let me prove to you that it was.���

Just like that, everything stops. He scoots away from you in the booth and stands up, bringing all the heat with him aside from the faint lingering warmth on your face. He leaves a few bills over the table, enough for the entire tab, and walks away.

He doesn’t head towards the front door, instead making his way to the opposite direction. You watch him, confused, for a few moments before you trail after him, past the kitchen and the restrooms until you see the red glow of an exit sign.

A chilly breeze rushes over you the second you step outside, and you expect to see him walking into the dark narrow street. But he’s waiting for you, leaning against the brick wall behind him. He raises his eyebrows in that same condescending way he’s done all night, daring you to make the next move.

You don’t hesitate for even a second longer. You grab a fistful of his impeccable suit jacket and pull him closer, crashing your lips together.

From the start, it’s not sweet or gentle. He digs his fingers into your hips hard enough to bruise, wasting no time before he lifts you up into the air and pins you against the wall. You gasp into his mouth, parting your lips and practically begging his tongue inside. Your legs part almost in unison, allowing him to settle between them and effectively trap you, his larger frame blocking any exit.

As if you would dream to get away.

In one swift movement, he reaches between your legs and rips at the fabric of your stockings, the sound echoing through the empty street. You’re already making quick work of his belt; or trying to, frustrated by your lack of mobility from his position. He doesn’t seem willing to let you go, so he does it himself instead, pulling his pants down just enough to free himself from the confines of his underwear.

You’ve soaked through your panties in whatever time it took to play all those rounds of blackjack. It felt like it was drawn-out for hours, but you know it couldn’t have been more than just a few minutes. He moans when he feels it, before he even pushes into you – a heavenly, otherworldly sound, one you want to hear again and again. You push your hips towards him, feeling yourself throb when he rubs his length over you, burning hot where skin meets even though everything around you is cold. He rewards you with another sound that you drink right in as you deepen the kiss, happy to never have your lips separate from each other ever again.

He pushes the fabric of your panties to the side and thrusts into you without a warning, drawing a strangled, sharp gasp from you. He doesn’t give you time to adjust to the invasion, setting up a punishing pace that pushes you against the wall hard with every thrust. You claw at his back, losing the ability to form coherent thoughts, helpless to stop it as he all but consumes you like this is his last chance to.

“Ah– fuck,” you have to break away from his lips to attempt to draw in some air, your breaths and sounds interrupted by the rhythmic, vicious snaps of his hips into yours. He takes the opportunity to tilt his head and follow the line of your jaw with his lips, to mouth kisses and graze his teeth over your throat.

Hands find their way under pieces of clothing, trying to cling to as much bare skin as they can. He does most of the work, still holding you up in the air with the help of the wall (you curl your toes just to test the waters, the ones on the foot closest to the ground, and they barely touch the pavement), bouncing you on his cock however he sees fit, and it’s embarrassing how close you are already just from this.

“Fuck, baby, that’s so good.”

It’s intoxicating how vocal he is, all the grunts and moans he breathes into your neck, how it rips more sounds out of you than you would usually make. The street is completely silent save for the two of you, not another soul in sight. You could kill him right here and he would never see it coming. Gut him with the knife tucked away in your purse, leave him on the pavement gasping for his last breath. Who would catch you? You have enough money to run to yet another country, to give yourself a new identity and reinvent yourself as many times as you want.

The purse is on the floor where you’d carelessly let it fall, out of reach. Still you run your hands down over his bottom, feeling for any guns or weapons he may have tucked into the back of his waistband, or hidden in his pockets. There’s nothing, but you don’t have a lot of time to be disappointed about it before you’re coming with a high-pitched, broken shout, like your orgasm has taken you by surprise. He holds you up, squeezing you against the wall for support, the only thing stopping you from falling straight to the floor.

The Salesman follows right after, a stream of goods and fucks and your name falling from his lips as he spills deep into you. You wish you had it in you to be offended, to tell him off for it. But all you can think about is how much you wish you knew his name so you could shout it, gasp it, whisper it, for as long as he keeps holding you this tight.

[hannieehaee]

LO$ER=LO♡ER (teaser)

18+ / mdi

summary: jihoon's been pushed aside and ostracized from the moment he was born. completely alone, with no family and only a handful of friends, he's been too beaten down to expect anything good with the shitty cards life has dealt him. when he's presented with his new coworker, it's hard to not fantasize about her, but he'll never actually allow himself to believe she could ever look like him with anything but pity — just like everyone else.

content: loser!jihoon, antisocial!jihoon, sociallyawkward!jihoon, insecure!jihoon, sunshine!reader, jihoon is basically just a complete loser with horrible luck who's never felt true happiness (sorry), mentions of bullying, mentions of jihoon's sad past, sunshine!reader, slowburn, lots of worldbuilding but its just so u can feel sorry for jihoon lol, coworkers au, pining, miscommunication, afab reader, smut, sub!jihoon, virgin!jihoon, handjob, body worship, nipple play, dry humping, penetrative sex, etc.

(^ no actual content warnings in the teaser)

wc: 1.9k (teaser); 14k (full fic)

RELEASE DATE: february 10th!

or you can check it out on my patreon today by subscribing!

a/n: i put together every form of loserism and created this jihoon

masterlist

Every week was the same.

Jihoon would get up, fix his overgrown hair the best he could, and take the train over to work.

This was as far as he'd gotten in life; an overly repetitive existence with no sense of joy within it.

He should've been happy. Things were better now. Being 27 with a stable job and no real issues in his life should be something to be grateful for, yet Jihoon found himself being completely displeased with his life.

Surely there must be more to life than this, right? A lonely and loveless life that appeared to be leading him nowhere. But still, things were better than before.

It was hard for Jihoon to speak of his childhood, much less his teenage years (or even his college life). It was all too grim. He'd grown to accept it, to let it all go, but the past had made him who he was, and he knew his current self was to blame for his loneliness. For his lack of love.

And so he continued his daily routine, living day after day with no change in sight. He accepted this with a flat smile, grateful that things were just fine. Not good, not great, not even varied, but just fine.

This week, though, finally had something different. But to Jihoon that was usually bad news.

Were you bad news?

You were the brand new thing in his life.

It was your first week in his office. A brand new face. A very pretty face.

Jihoon never thought about such things. He'd never had any romantic experience in his life. He had a long distance girlfriend once, but even that didn't work out. Too much distance, too many lies, too many complications. Jihoon just wasn't made for love.

So he never thought of such things again.

It was rare for him to even see a pretty girl on his day to day. His morning commute was far too early and filled with people way too old for him to even look in the eye without feeling disrespectful. His workplace, although consisted of a variety of people, was not a place where he felt very welcome initiating friendships or anything of the sort. Cliques had ended in high school, he thought, yet he found himself at the bottom of the food chain among his coworkers. He wasn't liked and was deliberately avoided by everyone around him.

Until you came along.

Finding you beautiful was no surprise to Jihoon. It was the most obvious thing in the world. Putting appearances aside, you were sunshine personified. Smart, confident, hardworking, gentle, nice, beautiful. You were everything anyone could ever want. At times Jihoon even wondered whether he wanted you or if he just wanted to be like you.

You'd caused an immense impression in him within the short time in which he'd known you.

He hadn't really gotten to know you on a personal level yet. But you had extended him an olive branch upon the first meeting, which was a memory that had implanted itself on his mind. It was rare for Jihoon to come by good memories.

This was the first time he'd felt accepted in a very long time. Yet the fears of it turning around and slapping him in the face (like in so many prior instances) was too big for him to really consider you good news in his life.

It was kind of embarrassing looking back at it. Jihoon hadn't been expecting you (how could he have?), but you suddenly showed up at his cubicle accompanied by one of his coworkers, Doyle.

Doyle wasn't someone Jihoon thought too much about — or at least he tried not to. He was the classic high school bully, except in a corporate-world wrapping. Jihoon had dealt with bullies his whole life, he'd become desensitized to it by now. Still, it bothered him to see him standing next to you. He hadn't met you yet, but he was immediately disheartened by the new girl at the office looking buddy-buddy with someone he considered an adversary.

What had been surprising to Jihoon, though, was your complete disinterest in Doyle's obvious advances.

It was pretty often that Doyle would attempt to assert his dominance by putting Jihoon down in front of other coworkers. He'd tease him and patronize him in front of anyone to see in order to show others who was in charge. And it was not Jihoon, that was for damn sure.

Jihoon got up as soon as he sensed a presence at his cubicle, somehow managing to stumble over his feet as he did so. When he looked up, he was not expecting you, yet there you were. Beautiful, smiling down at him with genuine interest in your eyes. You didn't know him, but you had kindness in your eyes. He could tell.

He stumbled over an introduction as Doyle interrupted him, telling you Jihoon's name and position at the company for him. Unwarranted and once again showing that if he so wished, he could speak over Jihoon.

But you'd interrupted him in return, turning to Jihoon to extend your hand with that smile never leaving your lips.

"Hi, it's really nice to meet you," you'd smiled as he felt fire at the mere handshake.

"Hi, I, uhm, I'm Jihoon. Lee Jihoon. I didn't realize we had someone new coming. It's nice to meet you. You- If you need anything, you can always ask me," he slapped himself mentally when he said it. He stuttered his way through it like a fucking loser. His immediate attraction to you was too obvious. Doyle's smirk as he stood beside you told him all he needed to know.

"Oh, that's so nice, thank you! I'm right next door. Well- right next cubicle, so I'll probably take you up on that sooner or later," you laughed at your own attempt of a joke.

Jihoon couldn't help chuckling back, ignoring Doyle as he patted your shoulder, laughing along. Jihoon noticed a short-lived discomfort in your eyes at the action, one which died when your eyes went back to him.

Was he imagining it, or were you showing preference towards Jihoon?

"Well, let's not bother our little Jihoonie here any longer," Doyle interrupted once more, "It's almost lunch time," he leaned in to tell you, looking down at Jihoon, "We all usually go to a burger joint nearby — Jihoonie here likes to stay in, so we try to stay out of his way."

That wasn't entirely true.

Once upon a time, Jihoon did attempt to join the rest of his coworkers in outings, but he was always alienated. After a few too many slights about his hair, his height, his weird choice in clothing, or even just his personality, he decided to stray away from anything that wasn't strictly professional when it came to his coworkers. He was always the butt of the joke, so he made the decision to isolate in the office with a cold sandwich he packed for himself every day.

Sometimes his friends Soonyoung and Mingyu from accounting would join him, but there was usually not enough time to see them during regular working hours. This left him alone most of the time.

Your face seemed to deflate at Doyle's words. Whether it was out of pity for Jihoon or annoyance at Doyle's overzealous confidence around you, he wasn't sure.

"Oh, I actually brought a packed lunch," you told Doyle before turning to face Jihoon again, "Would it be okay if I stay in with you?", you looked at him with expectant eyes.

"You wanna, uhm, have lunch with me?", he asked dumbly and you nodded, "Y-yeah, that'd be nice, yes," he attempted a shy smile, succeeding when you returned it.

Doyle cleared his throat, interrupting the silent smiles you and Jihoon were sharing.

"Well, I could stay in with you if you want, I-"

But you interrupted him again.

"That's fine. I don't wanna get in the way of your plans. Jihoon will make fine company," you said politely, stepping away from Doyle to head over to your desk, popping back next to Jihoon with a brown paper bag.

Doyle looked dumbfounded for a few moments before masking it with a tight smile. Jihoon simply stood there as you pulled up a chair and settled it on Jihoon's desk, paying no mind to Doyle.

"I guess I'll leave you two to it. I'll keep showing you around after lunch. You have my number if you need anything," Doyle made emphasis on that last statement, offering you what looked like a genuine smile before giving Jihoon a look that told him he still felt victorious in the end.

"Thanks, Doyle! Bye!," you smiled back before turning to Jihoon.

Lunch was incredibly awkward for Jihoon. But that wasn't your fault. You'd been incredibly nice, asking him questions and keeping the conversation going despite the mumbly, shy mess Jihoon was. The conversation was entirely carried by you, with you surprisingly taking an interest in him. Every word, every gesture, they all led him to believe you were genuinely nice.

At the same time, he felt entirely delusional.

It wasn't often that people were nice to him, so it was likely he was building it up to be more than it actually was. You likely did not want to stay in with him, but after Doyle brought up that Jihoon was the only one in the office during lunch break, you had no option but to join him since you also planned to stay in. However, you were a good team player, Jihoon believed. Not many people would sacrifice their lunch to stay in with the black sheep of the office just to rid yourself of any possible awkwardness. Jihoon knew damn well many previous coworkers had gone out of their way to avoid him before.

But despite the belief that you simply pitied him, Jihoon missed your time spent together the moment it ended. He felt shy and blushed bright red at every single word uttered from you, but it had been the nicest interaction he'd had in a long time (a long, long time).

That had happened last Wednesday, repeating itself on Thursday, Friday, and then a whole weekend was spent with Jihoon solely thinking about you. Time that he usually spent reading or playing chess online was instead used up to think about you. It was mostly to overthink every tiny interaction and panic over it, but it was was still preoccupied by you.

But he also thought about other things.

How beautiful he found you to be. How nice, funny, hardworking, smart and riveting you were (despite this being an assessment he'd made in less than a week of knowing you). This was Jihoon's first crush in ... he couldn't even remember how long.

And it was terrible.

Every crush he'd ever had had turned out terribly. Harmless elementary school crushes turned into pranks pulled by his classmates in order to embarrass him. Prepubescent middle school crushes became false confessions that led to public embarrassment. Hopeless high school crushes were nothing but a farse that led him into giving up altogether.

Throughout his practically non-existent love life, Jihoon had always been met by nothing but discouragement, sometimes by simple rejection and other times by harassment from people who believed him to be unworthy of being liked. These were memories he did not like to relive, but the resurgence of feelings for someone brought them all back.

And so he was unsure of how to feel. He was unsure of whether to let himself like you or recoil, unwilling to even try.

...

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reply if you'd like to be tagged upon its release on tumblr!

[bunni-v1]

Something that's been on my mind for so long is lighter/harumasa x chubby! Reader, coming from someone chubby I hate how my body doesn't fit multiple outfits or my rolls whenever I sit down. But oh my goodness it's been on my mind o(〃＾▽＾〃)o

🍓Every time a chubby bitch (affectionate) feels insecure a fairy dies. Not to be weird but I fucking love chubby people, they're so fucking hot, I will burn down all of society for them. These r short btw, sorry. I personally have had the opposite issue weight-wise my whole life, so I didn't wanna pretend like I knew what you go through lol.

Lighter Lorenz

-Lighter prefers his partner to have more meat on their bones, I'm 100% sure. (Hoyoverse told me). Having more of you to hold and love would never be a bad thing, and it irritates him when people insinuate their partners being bigger is a bad thing.

-He doesn't really leave room for you to feel insecure about yourself, because he's so very in love with all of you. If you even utter a negative word about yourself he's looking at you with this adorable pouty glare, getting ready to kiss you stupid so you'll shut up.

-He's great for your self-esteem because he makes you feel so amazing and pretty. He peppers you with kisses, especially over parts of your skin you find particularly ugly. He will shower you with love until you also love yourself as much as he does.

-If you're worried about being too heavy for him to hold or anything, that's not a problem either. Lighter is strong, and easily lifts you up regardless of how heavy you are. You weigh nothing to him, honestly, and it's not even a challenge.

-It's not just him, though. The girls also love you, and they won't let you feel bad about the way your body looks. Lighter comes with your own personal hype squad attached, it seems.

-Help the stupid soul that makes you feel insecure. Lighter is like your valiant Knight in Leather Armor. If someone has an issue with you, they have an issue with him, and he's happy to prove that to them if need be.

Harumasa Asaba

-Harumasa is, how do I put this... weight blind? He's just not the kind of guy to really give that much of a shit about little things like that. Life is too short to be picky about the person you fall in love with, and he honestly wouldn't want you to change anything for him anyway.

-Chubby, skinny, tall, short, whatever, it doesn't matter that much to him. You are you, that's all that matters right? Well, if you're feeling bad about yourself, then it matters a little bit. He doesn't want you thinking he doesn't care about your feelings.

-Always, always assures you that you look so good in everything -- and equally, he's always willing to prove that he thinks you look good. He can't promise the clothes will survive, but if it'll make you feel better the clothes can be nobly sacrificed.

-And, yeah, he uses the "You're more comfortable to cuddle," argument on you all the time. It's true, though. You are very comfortable to lay on and sleep with. The soft squish of your warm tummy is the perfect resting spot after a long day of work.

-If someone's bothering you or making you feel bad, he's the type to come over and flip it around on them. He's very good at finding people's insecurities, after all. If they want to make you feel bad, they should know what it feels like too! It's only fair, right?

[esotericbluntbaby]

the consequences of radio silence

hamzahthefantastic x reader

description: after the reader sees another girl as a threat in her relationship, she distances herself from hamzah as a form of protection, not realizing that it's not as simple as going silent.

mentions: angst, past infidelity in an ex relationship, miscommunication/lack of communication, argument, she/her pronouns, sfw! (unless you guys want a part two lol)

i highly recommend listening to lover, you should come over by jeff buckley. i was listening to it while writing this lol.

---

you never realized how the language of eye contact can be louder than the words that you speak until hamzah showed you. however, the journey of getting to the point of a certain understanding was full of turmoil.

three days ago, you and your boyfriend attended a close friend's house party. though you guys didn't share your apartment on the lease, his shoes were almost always placed outside next to yours and he had his own toothbrush shared in the wooden cup you thrifted together. the apartment, though cozy and radiating with warmth, began to feel stuffy after staying home for a solid week. therefore, hamzah and you decided to put on some other clothes, specifically ones that were less worn out than the sweatpants and t-shirts you marinated in, and go out.

the party was stereotypical and naive, personified as a teenage girl smoking a cigarette and getting drunk on both the music and alcohol that consumed her. it was sweaty, combatting the body heat that your home radiated with its own personal foil of bodies almost stuck together like gummies on a hot day. laughter and house music echoed throughout the beige, poster-covered walls of the one-story house; a typical college scene was held in the eyes of hamzah and you.

your friend greeted the both of you, giving you both an intro to the festivities around you. the bar was, quite obviously, the table with all the alcohol and red solo cups stacked upon one another. somewhere in the corner was beer pong, surrounded by copy and paste frat boys being each others yes men, next to the kitchen with finger foods and party favors. with all the chaos happening in the house, you and hamzah decided to stick together.

until, you decided to use the restroom and came back to the sight of hamzah getting his arm playfully hit by another girl, both smiling and seemingly enjoying each other's presence. she was pretty: the kind of girl that people writes songs about, the kind of girl that only needs mascara and lip gloss to be pretty, the kind of girl that your ex cheated on you with. you watched from afar, memories of infidelity from your past relationship floating around your brain. you were not new to the concept of toxicity in relationships; in fact, before you met hamzah, it was all you were used to.

you convinced yourself that he would never do that to you. he is not the man who hurt you, actually, he proved that he isn't; it's why you became his girlfriend, in the first place. you know him. you don't know a lot of people, but gazing into his eyes makes everything fall into place. hamzah was the epitome of perfection in your eyes, possibly, even more. you now know why you've spent your life yearning to be loved; he was there now, not only loving you, but knowing you as well. he prides himself in his adoration for his girlfriend. there would be no reason for him to cheat.

however, you felt a rock being thrown to the walls of your heart from the veins inside when you saw her whisper in his ear, and watched him chuckle at whatever she said to him. that smile he gave her; the same smile he would give you whenever you'd say something stupid that would make him laugh. his teeth, the ones that you would compliment him for since the imperfections in it suits him, is now visible in a genuine smile for another woman.

you stared at him from afar trying to convince yourself that he wasn't like anyone else you've loved and lost; that he would never be like those who created a shell of who you once were and the ghost of complete trust in most relationships. however, with each small gesture, touch, and laughter, you began to doubt yourself.

so, you shut down as your mind became your own personal prison. you were in a state where you escaped from your body, being locked in a cage where the walls wrote the promises that were broken by other people, using your own blood to write each lie, taunting you and teasing you with false hope. each lie repeated in your head until hamzah called you over, motioning with his hand in a motion waving towards him.

"are you alright?" he asked you, putting his hand on your shoulder, enveloping you in a side hug as the woman's grin turned straight and cold.

you nodded, "yeah, i'm fine."

"i want you to meet maeve, an old friend of mine from, like, high school, i believe?"

you opened your mouth to greet her, to which she interrupts you, "actually, middle school. i go waaaay back with this guy, isn't that right hamzah?"

he nodded, smiling, "yeah, it's been how long now?"

maeve scoffs and nudges his arm again, "years. genuine years. i've missed you!"

you cough, clearly uncomfortable by the scene in front of you. yet, a part of you didn't want to seem weak for feeling so upset. guilt started to rise from your stomach, extending to your throat. how could you think that your boyfriend would cheat on you like that? but, then again, you also contradict yourself in your own head; why wouldn't he?

"are you sure you're okay?" your boyfriend asks you, a look of genuine worry in his eyes.

"yeah, i'm fine."

-

an hour passed by, an uncomfortable lack of conversation coming out of your mouth. you were always the talker as hamzah listened to you. you never realized that he would be a talker to another woman as you took the role of listener. you decided to leave them alone, going with a couple friends of yours to the basement; your heart couldn't take the painful flashbacks and concern. going back up from the basement, you hesitated on looking at them. however, he appeared behind you and hugged you from behind, resting his head on the top of your scalp. it was weird; this was the first time you didn't want to be touched by him, compared to a full two years of yearning for his fingertips interlocking with yours. finally, he said his goodbyes to those he knew at the party as you did too.

the car ride was quiet: the kind of quiet after a certain loss. you saw his gaze in the corner of your eye, glancing at you, as your eyes were trained on the dark road ahead of you. almost reading your emotion, he placed his hand on your thigh. you knew his intentions of comforting you, however, the image of maeve and him wouldn't leave your head as the movement of the car remained steady.

"what's up?"

you snapped out of your trance, confused, "hm?"

he reached a stoplight and looked at you, "you're quiet. normally, you'd be telling me about all the tea you heard of at the party and we'd be talking mad shit. something's wrong. did something happen while you were in the bathroom? i swear to god if something happened-"

"no, hamzah," your voice got quiet, "nothing happened."

the last thing you wanted to be was overbearing; maybe the lack of communication is bad, however, you couldn't help it. you shattered, once. someone dropped you and the shell of your old self shattered. you spent all this time, picking up all the pieces off of the floor and gluing yourself back together. you were not going to let him drop you and leave you for yourself to clean up as if you were the maid of your own house.

"baby, you can talk to me," the car started again.

your voice shook, "please, just drop it, i'm fine."

"but you're obviously not! you're so quiet, you haven't spoken a word besides yes and no ever since we got in the car. talk to me," he pulled up into the designated parking to your apartment and gently grabbed your face with both of his hands, forcing eye contact within the space of both of you.

you teared up, a moment of weakness breaking, "please go home. i just need space."

his eyebrows furrowed a look of confusion, hurt, sadness, anguish; genuinely any negative emotion in the book of empathy. yet, he let you go.

"please, please text me if you need something. i love you, i don't know what's going on, but i'm here. i promise you," he reassured as he kissed your forehead.

you got out of the car and quickly walked off, vanishing into the interior of your apartment complex.

--

three days have passed since the party. hamzah offered to come over to talk the day after, leaving text messages for you to read.

hamzah! <3 :)

11:45 am | baby

11:45 am | can we talk?

11:45 am | pls

11:46 am | tell me what's wrong pls

11:46 am | can i come over?

1:06 pm | i won't come over unless you give me permission. i can't force you to do anything. but pls at least send me a text if ur okay.

1:06 pm | i lvoe you

1:07 pm | love*

3:02 pm | please baby respond i'm worried

3:02 pm | if someone did something while you were in the bathroom, you could tell me i promise i won't do anything to them i'll be there to support you

3:06 pm | just talk to me i'm here

5:23 pm | i love you a lot

5:23 pm | i hope you know that

5:23 pm | i've been pretty bored without u

5:24 pm | martin is currently over

5:24 pm | he's ranting about mandy which is kinda horrible timing for the state we're in rn

5:24 pm | i'm thinking of u when he talks about how in love he is with her

5:24 pm | i wanna marry you one day the way that he's gonna propose to her soon

5:54 pm | me and martin are gonna get tacos

5:54 pm | so if u want some i can drop some off

5:55 pm | so js let me know

6:24 pm | i got 4 carne asada tacos martin literally got 7 wtf

6:24 pm | ok i kinda wish i got 7 this shits mad good

7:30 pm | i got u flowers

7:30 pm | and the chips u like from that one fancy ass grocery store like 40 minutes away

7:31 pm | i forced martin to drive me there to get you them since ik u like them a lot

7:31 pm | i also got u some mangos

7:31 pm | it was buy 3 get 2 free

7:42 pm | i'm still worried about you

7:42 pm | i was hoping my text messages would distract you from how ur feeling rn which is hwy i even told u abt the deal on the mangos

7:42 pm | so in case u thought i was js updating u on my day bc i stopped caring

7:42 pm | its not that

7:42 pm | in fact i dont think i could ever stop caring abt u

7:42 pm | i love u so much

9:51 pm | it's been a full day

9:51 pm | i'm sorry but i'm kind of upset at u

9:51 pm | why did u ghost me the whole day

9:51 pm | not even one text?

10:20 pm | really?

10:20 pm | still?

10:20 pm | what happened to talking things out?

10:21 pm | or do we js not do that anymore in this relationship lol

12:01 am | i didnt mean that im so sorry i didnt mean that at all that was so passive aggressive im sorry

12:01 am | im just worried about u thats all im really fucking worried

12:01 am | i just wantu to be okay

12:01 am | i want to talk to u

12:01 am | i want to hold u

12:01 am | i want to kiss u

12:01 am | i want things to be okau

12:01 am | i want u to say something insanely sarcastic and i want to roll my eyes at how stupid it was

12:01 am | i want to see u laugh

12:01 am | fuck please please just fucking text me please baby please

12:01 am | i'll do anything

2:23 am | am i burdening you

2:23 am | do you think i'm annoying you

2:23 am | i'm sorry i wasn't thinking about how all of my texts could make u feel i was just worried and i wanted u to know that i love and care abt u

2:23 am | if ur asleep rn i hope you're sleeping well

2:23 am | i cant rly sleep rn

2:24 am | i dont think i can sleep without u tbh ive been sleeping with u for how long now its been so long since i havent slept w u

4:55 am | still awake

4:55 am | i'll do anything for u to feel happy and okay again

4:55 am | i'd even eat shitty coleslaw again

4:55 am | insane amounts of it

4:55 am | only for u

your heart hurt with every customized ping of hamzah's texts. by the end of the day, you didn't know if silence was a good thing or not on your behalf. you stopped talking to protect yourself, however, seeing the boy you love the most hurt possibly even more than the reason you were distancing yourself. however, you were in too deep of this cycle of self-despair, loathing, and pity all mixed into one.

the next day, it was radio silence on both of your ends. the silence was almost deafening, being amplified by the pit you feel in both your heart and stomach. you missed him. you looked at your shared photo album of you two together, reminiscing on the memories you shared. the aquarium where you two took an edible each and got absolutely blasted underneath the underwater tunnel. the bowling alley where you joked around about getting the ick as he overexaggerated his movements. the lodge where you two made a shitty snowman and shared a hot cocoa. you scrolled all the way up to the mountaintop he took you when you guys were still friends, the city skyline visible in the background. you swiped; it was now your first kiss displayed on the screen in front of you. by now, your eyes became opened dams, water flooding out of them. you went to bed, tears staining your eyes.

on the third day, you both still didn't reach out. you were waiting for him to inevitably break up with you for not being able to talk. you felt horrible; you felt cowardly for not simply telling him how you feel and what was bothering you. you believed you were such a terrible, terrible girlfriend. until, the doorbell rang.

it was him; in front of you with puffy eyes, a black hoodie with sweatpants, and tear-stained cheeks, holding flowers and a reusable trader joes bag filled with mangoes and chips.

"can i come in?"

--

the bag sat on your dining room table, the flowers put into a blue tinted vase. the two of you sat on the couch, inches apart. you don't recall the last time you were on the cough not interlocked in some sense, like your hands or your legs or your arms. it's silent. both of you are exchanging glances, almost as if you were strangers, never daring to lock eyes at the same time. you were about to speak, until he did it for you.

"did you find someone else at the party?"

you were stunned, "what?"

he sighed, "you said nothing happened in the bathroom. i was scared someone touched you or something. but you said that nothing happened in there."

you nodded.

"are you lying to me? did you find someone else? did you.. did you cheat on me at that party?" he asked you.

suddenly, all the emotions you felt became too overwhelming.

you looked at him with a face of disbelief and stood up from the couch, "are you serious? you're asking me that?"

he sighed, standing up as well, "i'm not trying to make you angry, i promise. i'm asking because you just suddenly stopped talking and i'm so confused."

"so your first instinct was to accuse me of cheating."

his facial expression mirrored yours, "i'm sorry?" he said sarcastically, "what do you mean 'first?' my first instinct was to text you and make sure you were okay! fuck, i literally texted you so much. what did i get? nothing. i got nothing for three days. you left me for three days and you're telling me that my first instinct was to just argue with you?" he scolded.

"no, i'm saying that you think i cheated on you. that's so fucking rich, hamzah."

frustration bubbled into the conversation, "what are you even talking about?"

you went silent, avoiding eye contact.

he continues, "see! this is what i mean! you just shut down. you have to talk to me. staying absolutely quiet doesn't do shit; it just fucking worries the shit out of me and it makes everything fucking worse. just talk!"

you looked at the floor, trying to hold back tears.

"please. fucking please just tell me what's wrong. what happened? do you not trust me anymore?" he asks, still looking at you with a facial expression of frustration.

still nothing from you; you stared.

hamzah crouches down at eye level, gently grabbing your face and mimicking his actions from the car ride home from the party, "please. i'll get on my knees and beg if i have to."

you stared at him as he waited. the frustration in his face suddenly turned into patience. you knew that he knew you; you knew that he understood you. suddenly, looking into your eyes, things began to make sense once more for hamzah. he nodded, a symbol of his understanding towards you. looking into his eyes, you realized how much he's been yearning for you for the past three days. you noticed the eyebags, visibly protruding from underneath his eyes. you saw it all: the lack of sleep, the hurt you caused him, the pain that you induced. you noticed the way he looked at you in that moment; he didn't want to hurt you.

you whispered, "hamzah, i'm scared."

his voice matched the volume of yours, "i'm here, baby. sit down. tell me what's wrong."

you sat with him, still inches apart, voice still quiet, "i was scared at the party."

"why?"

you sighed shakily and stumbled upon your words, "i saw you smiling with her. you know how i've been cheated on. i tried my best to just tell myself you'd never do that. but i guess the more i saw you guys smiling and laughing and her touching your arm and whispering in your ear- everything just didn't make sense. then, the way she talked to you and basically just ignored me made me feel so weird and like i knew you would never do that to me, i know that you would never cheat, but what if you did? then what- do i just break and fall apart and pick myself up again? would it just be this cycle of me getting hurt?"

guilt, mixed with understanding and remorse was plastered onto his features.

you continued, "so, i stopped talking. i guess i just convinced myself that you would hurt me the way that my ex hurt me, as well. i thought, this way, you could hurt me the least if you were going to hurt me."

he moved closer, bringing your head into the crevice of his neck. hamzah went through the stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, and depression. this was the acceptance he was finally waiting for. he stroked your hair as you rested on his shoulder, your whole body weight moving onto his. you felt his lips on your forehead, pecking once with adoration and love laced into it. you stayed like that for about five minutes without him saying anything.

"baby, the goal is to not hurt you at all."

you moved off his shoulder and looked at him.

"i noticed her too. i didn't like the way she treated you. when you left to go with aisha and faye, i told her that you were my girlfriend. she tried to get closer to me- told me that you wouldn't have to know. y'know what i did?"

you looked at him with fear and paranoia, "what?"

"i told her to fuck off. i left her. i blocked her on instagram, too. then, i went to look for you and you were already there at the top of the stairs. i was going to tell you about what she did, but you seemed upset already so i was going to wait. then, when you started being really quiet, i thought someone did something to you in the bathroom, so maeve flirting with me was the least of my worries."

"really?"

he moved your legs onto his lap, cradling you with his arms and holding eye contact.

"y'know, you're the first girl i've ever taken seriously. i just remember our first kiss. in the parking lot on lovers point. you thought it was just a coincidence that i took you there- that it was just some random spot i knew of."

you asked, "was it not?"

"i spent two days making pros and cons lists of different places to take you. i chose this place because the day before we were going to go out, you mentioned how you wanted to see the city's skyline. then i kissed you and it was like everything i've ever gone through- every struggle, every ounce of pain, every misfortune i've been through- it was like all of it was worth it. because i'm alive and because it led me to you."

culpability entered your soul, "i'm sorry."

he grabbed you by the cheek once more and kissed you on the lips. it was soft, a whisper or an essence of all the love he's given you and all the love he's felt for you. it was a kiss opposite of desperation; he was no longer desperate because he knew he had you, and vice versa.

"you have to talk to me."

"i will, i promise. i don't know what i was thinking. i'm sorry for hurting you and i'm sorry for ghosting you."

"i'm sorry if i seemed friendly with maeve. she means absolutely jackshit to me. i genuinely do not give a fuck about her. and i'm sorry for getting angry in our texts. i didn't mean it."

"i forgive you."

he kissed you once more, this one longer than the last. your lips intertwined within each other, as well as aspects of the overall soul and body of the relationship. when he pulled away, he took a couple of seconds to just stare.

"what?" you asked him.

he pecked your cheek, "i just missed seeing you. i just wanted to take it all in."

"y'know what i missed?"

"hm?"

you smirked, "the chips from lorenzo's."

he gasped dramatically, "wow. not me? the love of your life? the best boyfriend you've ever had? your other half? i'm offended. i'm so offended, in fact, i'm mad at you."

"i mean, my very loving and caring and sweet boyfriend got them for me," you joked, "you're mad at me again? what will i do?"

he rolled his eyes before his lips met yours, "i was never mad at you. i just missed you."

"corny," you teased.

he sighs, playfully with sarcasm laced into it.

you kissed his cheek, "are we okay?"

"we're okay, baby. we always will be, i promise."

--

authors note!

hi guys wow my first fanfic on this account. this might be a little dramatic so apologies if it's a little horribly written but oh well. i hope u guys like this. also i think i opened my requests so u guys can now request things! hooray!

[bookofbonnie]

SUNSHINE, SILVER LINING & LIGHTHOUSE - VI ARCANE.

Characters: Vi x Reader.

Warnings/Content: NOT EDITED. Incorrect spelling. Bad grammar. Tense mix-ups. Weird double spaces. AU. Boxer!Vi. College!Reader. Vi's a famous boxer so, she's rolling in the dough but her being a boxer isn’t really a focal point. Swearing.

Summary: Vi is your best friend. You love her. You don't love some of her choices. YALL I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DESCRIBE THIS LMAO. Just read it if you want to lol or don't.

Word Count: 3.1k+.

A/N: So... I did not write this with the intention of a second part. I thought I'd let y'all know now so, I don't get your hopes up. Ha, ha, enjoy! Oh and idk if seeing your friends naked is controversial to other people but, it's not to me and my friends lol. Also, the titles kinda dramatic, I just didn't know what to name it.

You wake with a groan, body overheating and skin sticky with a thin sheen of sweat. Lying belly-down in bed with your face half-pressed into your pillow, you pop an eye open, vision slightly blurry as you peer at the alarm clock sitting on your bedside drawer; red, angry numbers glare 05:58 at you. You hadn’t even managed a half hour of sleep before being woken.

A whine leaves your lips and you attempt to curl your body into yourself so you can roll over and go back to sleep but, there’s a heavy weight on your back; a heavy weight that was also the reason you were overheating. 

“Morning sleepyhead,” Vi chuckles from where she’s draped herself across your back.

You didn’t even hear her come into your apartment let alone your room but, you sure as shit felt it when she threw herself backwards over you; one of her elbows now digging into your back. You really needed to take your spare key off of her.

“No, Vi,” you protest with another groan, trying to buck her off so you can roll over. “Go away.”

You love Vi, you really do. She’s your best friend. The one person who probably knew you better than you knew yourself. She made what was an otherwise rough childhood good. She was a ray of sunshine on a rainy day, silver lining on a cloudy day, lighthouse on a stormy night and all that other good shit that a best friend is. But today? Today she was the nightmare disrupting your much needed sleep.

“Go away?” Vi repeats and you don’t have to see her face to know she probably has her eyebrow raised. “Did you forget what’s on tonight?” 

“No-” you grunt and finally shove her off of you. 

“Hey-” Vi shouts when you send her tumbling to the ground.

You finally roll over and pull the blanket over your head, “I didn’t forget, Violet, it’s just way too early to go.” 

Vi finds her feet and stares at you incredulously.

“Too early?” Vi pulls at the blanket but your grip is iron-clad. “It’s- it’s six- six-o-clockintheevening-” 

Your blankets are ripped off of you and you half-groan half-scream, yanking your pillow from under your head and putting it over your head. Vi puffs her chest out, it didn’t matter how strong your grip was, she was stronger.

“-and Powder’s gonna kill you if we ruin her surprise for Ekko because we’re late,” Vi reminds you, patiently waiting for you to process everything she had just said.

“Fuck-” you groan - again - rolling off of the side of your bed and almost tripping over your own feet in your haste to get to the bathroom.

You weren’t sure where the time had gone because the twelve hour sleep you apparently got felt closer to none. But, the feeling of time escaping you was not unfamiliar since you’d spent the majority of your summer so far doing as many back-to-back shifts where you could. 

“Atta girl,” Vi grins, plopping herself down on the seat of your vanity. “And you’re welcome for waking you up.”

You catch a glimpse of the smug look on her face in the reflection of your bathroom mirror and flick her a complimentary middle-finger for her services before slamming the bathroom door closed.

-

A quick three minute shower is all you have time for and the rush to towel yourself dry leaves you feeling just as hot as when you woke up. You may as well have not showered at all.

Pulling the bathroom door back open, Vi’s eyes meet yours for a split second before they’re back on her phone, fingers moving at lightning speed across the screen.

The sight of you wrapped only in a towel was nothing new. Hell. Vi had seen you as naked as the day you were born on more than one occasion in the fifteen years she'd known you and vice versa.

Making a beeline for your chest of drawers, you pull out a clean set of underwear. You’re still pulling the straps of your bra over your shoulders when you’re met with a low whistle. Looking over your shoulder, you meet Vi’s gaze and she makes a point of dramatically looking you up and down. 

“Matching set,” she waggles her eyebrows suggestively at your baby blue set. “Expecting someone else to see that tonight?”

You scoff and fling your towel at her head, “only your pink head.” 

Vi ducks out of its path but catches the fabric; she wasn’t about to let your towel touch the floor. 

“Good,” she smiles triumphantly. 

-

It’s 6:26 by the time the two of you leave your apartment and get into Vi’s shiny black pick up truck. The short drive + parking would mean you’d arrive at The Last Drop at about 6:40- five minutes before Powder expected everyone to be there with Ekko expected to arrive at 7. The timing couldn’t have worked out better considering your generous sleep in.

The drive to The Last Drop is quiet, save for the music playing quietly through the speaker - Vi hums softly along to it. Between that and the feeling of the cool glass against the warm skin of your temple, your eyelids begin to droop, exhaustion dragging you back to sleep. 

Casting a quick side-ways glance at you, concern marks Vi’s forehead at the sight of you falling asleep within minutes of the drive. 

“Hey-” she calls your name softly, calloused hand reaching over to rub your arm.

“Hm?” you jerk slightly, looking over at her with heavy eyelids. The back-to-back shifts you had been pulling were taking their toll.

“We gonna talk about why you were still sleeping at six in the evening?” 

You shrug, dismissing her concern, “worked the closing shift at last drop last night,” you mumble.

Vi peers at you quickly from the corner of her eye, brow furrowing and frown lines deepening as she adjusts herself in her seat, unsure if she had heard you correctly. 

“What? I thought you were working the closing shift at The Apothecary.”

“I did-” you confirm before, a yawn forces its way out of you. “-and then I called Vander and asked to pick up the closing shift at The Last Drop.”

“He shouldn’t have given it to you.”

“I need the money, Vi.” 

“So, I’ll give it to you-”

“Do we have to do this every time?” you snap.

“I’m just saying-”

“Well stop saying it. I’m not taking your money, Vi. It’s one more semester of placement and then things go back to normal because classes go back to normal for my final semester then I’m done. Finished. Graduation. And you won’t have to worry about it anymore.”

You release a shaky breath through your nose, fingers pinching at the bridge and back straight. You were wide awake now. Wide awake and frustrated. 

This wasn’t the first time you had had this conversation with Vi and it probably wouldn’t be the last. She had a habit of trying to pay the rent for the apartment you lived in in Piltover during the school year. It had gotten worse since you had reached the placement year of your degree since it had you working full-time hours without pay; Vi constantly bringing up the offer at any opportunity that she could and why wouldn’t she try?

At 23, Vi was a highly-decorated and well-respected Champion in the Boxing world. Fighting under the moniker ‘The Hound of the Underground’, she was a 2 x time Runeterra Middleweight Champion by 21 and the reigning, undisputed Middleweight Champion of the Piltover Boxing League. Her illustrious boxing career was putting more money than she could count in her pockets. Money that she was eager to hand out to all of her loved ones to ensure they were living life comfortably. She just wanted to help- 

She just wanted to help. 

The reminder is cold water in the face of your annoyance at her.

“I always worry about you,” Vi tells you quietly. “I can’t help it.”

Looking over at her, you slump in your seat and whatever annoyance you feel, disappears.

“I know but, you don’t need to. I’ll be fine, Vi,” you mumble, turning your body to face her. “Besides, you need that money to pay for all those medical bills since you insist on getting beaten up every few weeks.”

Vi snorts a laugh, “I don’t get beat, I do the beating and you don’t need to worry about that baby girl, I have those bills covered.” 

“Well you might have those covered now but you’ll need to consider your future as well and how you’re gonna afford me when I inevitably have to become your carer because of one too many knocks to your head,” you tease.

Vi chuckles, pulling into a spot and parking.

Turning the engine off, she also angles her body to face you, one arm leaning against the steering wheel but, you don’t notice she’s facing you because your eyes are closed, breath becoming shallow. 

Vi watches you with an amused grin but she falters because she’s been looking at you for a little too long and when your eyelashes flutter as you open your eyes and meet her gaze, she’s suddenly transported back in time to when she was fifteen and had stolen Vander’s car so the two of you could go to the drive-in to see that really bad R18+ movie that the two of you had no business watching but, no one checks ID at the drive-in. 

It hits Vi all at once and- 

She’s fifteen and realising just how in love with you she is.

She’s fifteen and confessing her feelings for you.  

She’s fifteen and you’re telling her you feel the same way. 

She’s fifteen and kissing you for the first time- her first kiss. 

She’s fifteen and you're telling her that she's your sunshine, silver lining and lighthouse and she never really understood what you meant by that but, it means everything to her.

But, now? Now, she's twenty-three and the lid she’d placed on the box that she had buried her feelings for you in is off and it slams into her ribcage, heart trying to beat out of her chest and she can vaguely hear her phone’s message tone going off in her pocket but, she can only concentrate on you. 

“Is that so? You gonna look after me?” Vi whispers, reaching a hand out to brush your hair from your face, hand lingering on your cheek.

“Always have, haven’t I?” you smile that smile that lets her know everything's going to be okay.

Vi’s mouth goes dry and her eyes are flickering between your eyes and your lips and they're lingering on you lips and she’s fifteen and-

And the moment is interrupted with a sharp- “HEY!”

Vi snatches her hand back like you’ve burnt her, her head whipping forward to see a furious Powder standing in front of her car.

“Shit-” you curse, quickly undoing your seatbelt and getting out of the car. Vi watches as you make your way to her annoyed little sister with your hands held out and coming to Vi’s defence because you know Powder is going to blame Vi. “Sorry, Pow, it’s my fault.”

Powder’s annoyance doesn’t last long, her resolve immediately breaking so she can throw her arms around you for a hug. 

Taking a ragged breath, Vi runs a rough hand through her hair before undoing her own seatbelt and getting out. 

Powder starts on her as soon as the car door closes. 

“You-” Powder pulls on Vi’s arm, pushing her towards the entrance of The Last Drop. “I need you to go inside- quick, quick, quick and help dad bring the rest of the kegs in. Stupid delivery driver forgot half our order this morning and only just delivered it now. Go-go-go.” Powder chases Vi in.

You laugh at the face Vi makes at her little sister but, as soon as she disappears through the entrance, Powder’s in your face.

“Yes, Pow?” you laugh, taking a step back but, she moves with you.

Placing her hands on your shoulders and taking a deep breath, Powder sends a quick look over her shoulder, checking for any stragglers before she looks back at you with a quizzical look on her face.

“What was that?” she whispers. 

“What was what?” you whisper back. 

“That-” she waves her hand behind you at Vi’s truck. “-in the car.”

You tilt your head, confused, “what do you mean? We were just chatting about uni and stuff.”

“Oh come on-” Powder deadpans, hands moving from your shoulders to her hips. “Vi looked like she was about to eat your face.” 

You snort at the insinuation with a shake of your head. 

“You really need to let that go, Pow. Besides, I highly doubt that's what she was wanting to do.”

“What? Why?” Powder pouts. 

“Because,” you glance back at where you had just been sitting with Vi in her truck. “Her phone wouldn’t stop going off.”

Powder’s brow furrows, taking a second to pick up what you were putting down before, a knowing look crosses her face; her lips pursing into a thin, straight line and you make a sound of agreement.

-

Ekko’s surprise birthday party goes off without a hitch, the night ending perfectly with the freshly minted 18-year-old being carried out by his father; a giggling powder-blue haired girlfriend trailing closely behind the pair and snapping a quick selfie to show him in the morning.

He wasn’t the only one who needed to be carried out of the party however. 

When you wake the next morning, you feel fine until memories of the previous night come back to you in fragments including Vi carrying you up to your apartment. 

You groan in embarrassment. It didn’t matter how well or how long you knew her, you would always be embarrassed by whatever antics you got up to when drunk. Although, you weren't sure if drunk was the right word to use when you had a grand total of two and a half drinks. Two and a half drinks that went straight to your head- you blame the lack of sleep and your empty stomach. You really needed to thank Vi for cutting you off when she did because it saved you a hangover. 

Padding out of your bedroom, the smell of freshly made food hits you all at once and makes your mouth water.

When you reach the living area, breakfast is already made and laid out on your small dining table. There’s a small flutter in your stomach at the gesture, a smile pulling at the corner of your lips but it falls when you realise how quiet it is in your apartment. You could’ve sworn you had heard Vi’s phone going off earlier. Looking around the small space with a frown, you almost miss the mess of pink hair peeking out from one end of your couch until the head it belongs to moves. 

Without a second thought you cross the space to the couch and climb over the back of it-

“Oof-” the air expels from Vi lungs when you land on top of her, slapping a hand down on her blanket-covered leg.

“Really?” she scowls at you. 

You shrug your shoulders with a grin.

“Just payback for yesterday, now you know how it feels when you’re just trying to relax and something heavy just lands on you.”

“You’re not even heavy,” Vi scoffs. 

“Yeah? Well, you are.”

“You calling me fat?” Vi raises an eyebrow at you. 

You roll your eyes at her words, pinching at the taut muscle of her exposed stomach. She wore nothing but a sports bra and boxers. 

“Calling you heavy, muscle man,” you mock her tone then flick her forehead. 

“Hey-” she swats a hand at yours.

You laugh as she tries to grab at you but you're quicker than she is and hop off the couch before she can catch you.

Stomach growling, you make a beeline for the dining table, “you coming?”

Vi makes a show of sighing dramatically in response but she's seated across from you only seconds later. 

With a mouthful of food, you wave your fork at her, waiting for a beat to swallow before you speak, “so, who were you texting earlier?”

Vi’s hand pauses in the air, a piece of bacon dangling between her fork and eyes wide when they meet yours. She was not expecting you to ask her anything of that sort. 

“Oh come on,” you roll your eyes. “Don't play dumb. Your phone’s been going off like crazy since yesterday. Who is she?”

Vi shoves the piece of bacon in her mouth along with a spoonful of eggs when she says a name you can barely make out. 

“What?” 

Vi swallows roughly before, repeating herself.

“Caitlyn,” she says, pushing her food around her plate and not looking at you. 

“How long has this been going on?”

Vi takes a second to think, “just under two months.”

“What?” you say, eyes nearly popping out of their sockets. “And where have I been for all of this?” you demand with a pout. “How come I didn’t know…”

“Well, you just… never have time for me anymore,” Vi breathes melodramatically. 

“That is so not true! Miss I’m in a different city every other weekend.” 

“Hey- that’s for work!”

“And placement is compulsory,” you throw a berry at her. 

It bounces off her chest and she catches it before it falls into her lap, throwing it in her mouth with a laugh. 

“But, seriously, Vi,” you lean forward on the table, elbow resting against the table-top, and head resting in your palm. “Tell me about her. You have like two months of your girl-crush to catch me up on.” 

And Vi does.

She tells you everything there is to know about Caitlyn and you can’t focus on what she’s saying because of the blood rushing in your ears. You can't focus on what she's saying because you're trying to swallow the green-eyed monster that’s threatening to rear its ugly head because there’s a sparkle in Vi’s eye while she tells you all about Caitlyn, that’s never been there before with her other relationships. 

It sticks with you for weeks to come and makes you feel sick every time you think about it because Vi asks you not to tell anyone about her potential new relationship just yet because even thought Vi isn’t a big deal to you, she’s a pretty big deal to the rest of the world.

-

All fics are my own work - I have not posted my work anywhere else.

Disclaimer: I do not own any characters/places mentioned above.

Do not copy. Do not translate. Do not repost.

bookofbonnie 2025. All rights reserved.

[zeherili-ankhein]

Now tell me the gay montriputro story please🙃🙃

KSKSJDJDHD NOW IT'S TIME FOR MY ANOTHER FAVOURITE TALE MUAHAHAHAHAHA

Ok so this story is actually so cute I wanted to retell it in my own ways someday... (nvm im too lazy to get going with anything) and this story's characters also had no names so I thought “hmm since I'm already planning to retell this why not give them brand new names....”

You might have (or might not have) seen me making some random gay doodlings and showing them to @igotadigbickandureadthatwrong [the uponkor ones lol...] and sometimes I sent one or two pictures from the og book to @randomx123 too ig..?

So this story has 4 main characters... (Well that's what I consider but you can consider 3...) And for the love of god non of them had a fucking name (and a fucking side character had a name 💀🤌) That's why the names I allotted to them are...

Dun dun dun...

Im revealing them in the narration lol...

Tagging people whom I want to share this crazy story with @randomx123 @jeahreading @krishna-priyatama @no-idea-where-i-am-lost @foreignink @igotadigbickandureadthatwrong @prettykittytanjiro @ishaaron-ishaaron-me @stxrrynxghts @desigurlie @crystraniqelle @priestessofuniverse @dwarpharini @shubhadeep385 @hydestudixs @dreamer-in-sleep @aru-loves-krishnaxarjuna @livingtheparadoxlife @groovycynicalcheesecake @wulfricnavy (im sorry im adding you late 😭 but consider this the return gift for Depth of Despair)

Trigger warnings: bitchass people, unfortunately those bitchass people don't die well in this story... sigh, infanticide, homoerotic friendship, divine intervention, snakes, snake dying, snake coming out of nose, turning into stone, talking birds and swearings

So in the starting of the story we are told about this rajkumar Upendro (yes I named him) and his verryyy verryyy verryyyy close “friend” the montriputro Shonkor 🗿 (I named him too yeahhh)

They are such good “friends” they can't even spend a day without eachother. They grew up together and do everything together eat sleep roaming around. They are literally the do dil ek jaan kinda “friends”. It's a hot topic how close these two are with eachother...

Their “friendship” is so deep Shonkor sometimes falls asleep in Upendro's room and nobody gives a flying fuck about it... Not Even the king. 💀🤌

(Me interviewing the maids of the palace*

Maids: ohh then they fell asleep together, such good friends I mean...

Me: 💀💀🗿✨ yup... Very good friends... 💀✨)

.....

So whatever back to actually plot

One day Upendro is like

Upendro: yk... I feel like going on some adventures...

Upendro: roaming around the kingdoms... Seeing new things..

Upendro: just you and me...

Shonkor: ...

Shonkor: ok

So yeah, they decided they'd go do Dora the explorer shit in the wild and went away. Just the two of them on their horses and didn't take any men or soldiers with them. 💀

And they roamed around here and there in different kingdoms and places, like those discovery channel dudes.

.....

One day after travelling for long enough they are in a forest and it's getting late. And they come across a BEAUTIFUL lake and it got really clear water like glass.

So our boyfriends besties decides “yeah let's spend the night near this lake on that banyan tree nearby”

And they tie their horses at the bottom and then get some water from the lake for hath mukh dhona and drinking and climbs the tree to sleep on it (I have no idea what they were planning to do on those branches or if it's even possible to sleep on branches 💀🤌)

.......

Now after sometimes a lot of light literally blinds them, like there's too much brightness like my mom's phone screen all over the forest and they are both like o.O trying to figure out where the light came from

And their eyes fall at the lake and they see a bigass snake coming out of it, and it has a BIG mani on it's head (hehehehehehd nag mani lessgoo) which is the source of all the blinding light.

So they see the snake crawling out of the pond and into the forest and under the tree. Snake bbg puts the nagmani down from it's head and below the tree (idk how that even happened considering it has no hands or anything 💀💀)

And then the snake eats up those two pookie horses (MY SHYALAAAAAA NO MY SHYALAAAA 😭😭) and goes away deeper into the forest 🗿🗿 blud didn't even try to climb the tree bruhh

So now Upendro and Shonkor are like 💀💀 because one wtf is that giantass snake and two their horses are gone 😭😭 (I just really love horses ok!!)

So Shonkor my ultimate gadha climbs down the tree to look at the mani and he just fucking covers that stone with the horse saddle for some weird reasons idfk 💀🤌 and then climbs back next to his boifren

......

So snake dude?dudette? idk comes back after sometime and when it couldn't find it's mani it just makes all those growling sounds like crying and all. Then it fucking dies. 💀 In dispression. 💀 Because it lost it's stone. 💀 (Ykw mood 🗿 I'd die too if I lost my favourite stone)

So now Shonkor and Upendro stays awake the entire night on the tree scared shitless 🌝 because yeah obviously you don't wanna end up in a anaconda's stomach even if you know it's ded. Like take no chances my boys.

So next morning early in the dawn they come down from the tree and Shonkor picks up the mani from those hiddings to wash it in the lake (why's he always doing the labour Upendro you hypocrite bitch)

And as soon as the mani touches the water it again starts to glowwwwwww ( read it in the you make me glow tune) and they notices a literal PALACE under the lake 💀💀

And they are like “GURL DAMN WHAT”

......

So these gayass bitches decides they wanna know what's in tha palace (like no thoughts of self preservation or safety or anything... 💀🤌 dumbasses)

And they go under the lake and yeah surprise surprise they can breath under water because of the mani 🗿

So whatever... they get under water in that palace and it's really gorgeous and big and a lot of stuff are there like trees and fruits they never heard of, flowers with sweet smells, and ofcourse lots of gemstone and stuff and as expected NO ONE fucking no one's in that palace 💀🤌

So they get inside the palace (bro that's trespassing where's your poribar's shikkha??) And starts to search all the rooms like some local chor because bruhh 💀

......

Then they suddenly hear some very feminine crying sounds coming from one of the rooms, and ofcourse they are like o.O and go to see what's wrong and comes across the room where the sound is coming from

Inside they see a gorgeous maiden sitting on the GOLDEN bed and sobbing like her world ended (which yeah it did)

And she hears to footsteps and looks up to see those two randomass dude standing there like🧍And she's like

Bbg cutie: who are you all? 😭

Bbg cutie: why are you here? 😭

Bbg cutie: go away or the snek will eat you 😭

Bbg cutie: it already ate my mom dad siblings and everyone in this palace 😭

Bbg cutie: only I'm alive now (because of unknown reasons) 😭

Bbg cutie: so go away before you become the 3 course 5 star meal for the snake... 😭😭

So Shonkor is like

Shonkor: girl dw that snek is ded, we killed it :D (where dude? It died from grief stop lying idiot)

Shonkor: see see the mani from its head :D

And he shows her the mani (also Upendro you bitch why tf are you just standing and doing nothing you kamchor lyadkhor harami)

[Ohhh btw I named my bbg Kumudini just because 🗿🗿🗿]

So now

Kumudini: umm ok... But who tf ARE you??

Shonkor: ummm I'm Shonkor... You? (Well in the og tale he just says he's montriputro but since I gave him a name he's saying his name ok)

Kumudini: I'm the princess of this place Kumudini 🥹🤌

Kumudini: will you two go away from here 🥺 (goshhh she's so pookie I love her soo much ahhhhh)

Shonkor: no no! We're here to stay ofcourse :D

Kumudini: omgg yayyy welcome you all will be as comfortable as possible here :D

[I love how Upendro is just standing there like 🧍 while these two chat like he's such a dumb and introverted gadha... I love him so much lmao]

......

So they start to stay in that patal palace (that's how that place is described ok it's said to be patal... cool ig?)

And ig in those days Upendro and Kumudini have their Kuch Kuch Hota Hai moments cuz Shonkor then one days tells her Upendro wants to marry her 💀🤌

(Lmao imagine the conversation that went between our cookie Shonkor and his adopted introvert Upendro...

Upendro: bhai 🌝

Shonkor:

Upendro: setting karwa de 🌝

Shonkor:

Upendro: plj 🌝

Shonkor:

Shonkor: ok 💀

Upendro: yaayy ilysm 🥹)

And unsurprisingly Kumudini agrees to marry him cuz ofcourse duhh they are in looveee~ 💀

So they get married in that place (idk how they got a purohit tho... Ig allrounder Shonkor became the purohit... Or they simply married without a purohit which is also not at all wrong)

......

Now after somedays Upendro starts to feel homesick because they have been away from there kingdom for SO LONG

So Upendro tells Shonkor that they should go back home but Shonkor is like

Shonkor: yaaa you're right. But idt you two should go like this....

Upendro: wot? woi?

Shonkor: cuz you both are newly married 🗿

He basically tells them both to stay at the patal palace and enjoy their honeymoon while he goes back to their kingdom to get the king daddy to come and fetch them, since Upendro's the prince and he just got married so that would be appropriate.

And so Upendro and Kumudini agrees, while Shonkor tells them bye bye and sets off for home. (Sighh... Things you do for your homoerotic friendship huh)

......

So now Kumudini and Upendro are spending their days well and good in that patal palace.

BUT one day Kumudini was getting really bored in the afternoon while Upendro was giving a mosher moto ghum (this bitch also likes bhat ghum my brother in maa Durga ufff 🫂🥹🗿✨)

And she looks at the nagmani kept close by and wonders how the upside world looks like cuz she had NEVER been there in her entire life (you need a guide for your first trip bbg don't do it alone pls)

So she decides “yeah nothing bad will happen I'll just go and come back before hubby wakes up...” and takes the mani to get out of that lake and wonder around the forest :p 💀✨

And she goes around admiring the things and all yk typical snow white behaviour, and it makes her really excited and happy because she's seeing all those for the first time in her life.

Then she comes back to the patal palace before Upendro could wake up and acts all normal and happy 🌝 telling him nothing (because more gele ke dekhche what's safety what's precautions???)

......

So this shit continues for some days, everyday she goes up and wonders like Dora the explorer during the afternoon and then comes back before Upendro can wake up from his moron ghum and she pretends everything is normal. 🗿🗿

BUT how can they live in peace right? Some crazy shit is bound to happen...

So one day as she was sitting by the lake and just playing with the water like the pookie cookie she is, that kingdom's bitchass rajkumar (the kingdom in whose area that forest falls) was out hunting with some of his equally bitchass friends and they come across the lake and banyan tree. (There's a buri mohila near the tree too, keep that in mind, it will be important to the plot later)

The rajkumar (I'm not naming him I'd just call him bitchass rajkumar) sees Kumudini only once and Kumudini get's scared and just jumps back in the lake and goes back to the palace.

And now dude is like shocked pikachu face because tf happened and he falls back down unconscious because of how GORGEOUS Kumudini is.... 💀🗿 (i mean I would too 🗿)

.....

This side Kumudini got REALLY scared so she stopped going out of the lake for some days and just spends her days in patal palace like normal, not wanting to get caught roaming by some randomass men (see everyone is scared of unknown men)

And on the other hand, over there bitchass rajkumar's sakha gang are like “yoo dude wtf happened??” and they worry for him but all dude could say is “where did she go?? where did she go??” 💀💀💀

So they are like “beta pagla hoye gache” and they take him back to the palace to his father the king. And in a few days bro becomes absolutely bedridden and mad only ever saying “where did she go?? where did she go” 💀🤌

.....

Now king dude is like “wtf gotta save my baby boy” and he does what any typical king does when no raj vaidya works... And makes the announcement that whoever can cure the rajkumar and decode who's “she” that person will get half the kingdom and the hand in marriage with his daughter the rajkumari 🗿💀✨

And now nobody fucking knows what to do because who IS “she”??? So nobody is able to save rajkumar and the king dude is getting frustrated...

THAT'S WHEN the buri mohila from before randomly appears claiming she knows how to cure the rajkumar and who “she” really is...

But ofc nobody believes her not even the king (cuz she got a rastar pagol type er chhele who's called Fokir and everyone thinks she's also pagol like her son) 💀💀💀

But she insists and says she will do it she'd just need a lake side view hut and a bunch of soldiers to help her. And if she succeeds her son must get that half kingdom and the princess' (king dude's daughter not Kumudini don't confuse) hand in marriage... (I first thought she was gonna ask to get married to the princess herself 💀🤌)

So king dude is like yeah what's there to lose? And agrees to her thinking the buri mohila can't do shit.

......

Then she gets the lake view hut and soldiers and starts to stay there starring at the lake all day.

Now this side after many days Kumudini finally gets the courage to go back outside and gets out of the lake to sit near it. 💀✨

NOW as soon as she's out in the wild sitting and playing around with the water, that old hag approaches her... And pretends to be friendly telling her not to be scared and anything and dumb dumb blorbo Kumudini agrees and tells her who she is saying she's the patal puri rajkonna and stuff showing her the nagmani.

The buri mohila pretends to be curious and asks to see the mani taking it in her hand and as soon as Kumudini gives it to her like a bokach*** she tells the hidden soldiers to come out and basically kidnap Kumudini 💀💀💀 (that's why you should trust NO ONE in an unknown place)

.....

They kidnap her and take her back to the palace while she's crying and begging them to let her go (too much traumatizing shit goes on in this story trust me)

And the buri is like “dw girl you'll be fine here the rajkumar just wants to see you”

So in the palace they call the half mad depressed bitchass rajkumar who's still murmuring “where did she go?? where did she go??” and as soon as he sees Kumudini he's like

Bitchass rajkumar: THAT'S HER THAT'S HER THAT'S THE MAIDEN I SAW BACK THEN

Kumudini: just lemme go plssss 😭😭🙏

Bitchass rajkumar not even listening to her: you're so gorgeous ahhh I wanna marry you 🥹

Kumudini, trying to save herself: ummm umm I- I can't marry for six months I'm doing a vrat 😭

Bitchass rajkumar: okk bbg I can wait for you for eternity what's six months to that 😩✨✋

(💀💀 that's legit a line from the book ok... 💀 And as much as I like the flirting romantic line he just said he's still a big long smelly piece of shit so I hate him)

......

And now back to patal palace, Upendro wakes up and is in deep depression cuz Kumudini is missing and even the mani that enables them all to get out and inside of lake is missing so he can't even go search for her.

He's literally in pieces, crying himself to madness in that lonely palace (ok yeah bro really loves his wife sigh... I just love him so much)

So now six months are going by and Kumudini is still kept hostage in that bitchass palace.

And this side Shonkor had returned to the lake side after months with those delegation party men and is waiting for Upendro and Kumudini to come out of the lake on the given date and time. But for obvious reasons non of them does that but who's gonna tell that to my baby boy sigh... 💀🤌

So he and the men he brought wait for them for some days camping in the lake side 🗿✨

......

But then one day he sees some randomass man of that kingdom going by and he asks

Shonkor: yoo dude why is there so much noice in this kingdom?? Is some festival going on?? (Cuz dude's been hearing shanai er awaj for the past days)

Dude: donchu know?? The rajkumar of this kingdom is getting married to the beautiful patal puri rajkonna...

Shonkor: .....

Shonkor: ohhh

(YEAH THOSE FUCKERS ARE FORCING MY GIRL TO GET MARRIED CUZ SIX MONTHS ARE ABOUT TO BE OVER)

And now Shonkor is like.... Damn something sus is going on and decides he'd go and investigate further cuz wtf?!?!

.....

So he goes to the city and just stays as a guest to a randomass brahmin's family to get more info

Shonkor: umm so... I heard the rajkumar is getting married to some patal puri rajkonna... Where did he find her??? 💀

Brahmin dude: ohhh yeah thats a really long story so atleast a year ago.... *tells the entire tale of bitchass rajkumar becoming depressed and muttering “where did she go??” and then buri mohila bringing Kumudini and etc etc*

Shonkor, internally fs: 💀💀💀💀 FUCK- GOTTA SAVE MAH GURL-

Shonkor: ohh umm achha... Ummm

Shonkor: so... Uhhh did the king get his daughter married to that buri mohila's son Fokir as promised...??

Brahmin dude: lmao nahhh that dude is a rastar pagol ahh person idt the king would keep his promise LOL

Shonkor: ahhh damn... How does he looks anyway??

Bhola bhala brahmin dude: hmmmm tbh he looks kinda like you... Just a little more mad and dirty and he roams around in torn clothes and all

Shonkor: ohhhh achha achha well thank you ʘ⁠‿⁠ʘ

......

So next day Shonkor is like dress up bitches ✨🗿💀 and find some chhera fata clothes and becomes Fokir 🗿 cuz ofc he's THE FRIEND IN NEED IS A FRIEND INDEED personified (he's my shona mona chader kona frrr ahhh)

And then he goes to that psycho bitchass buri's house during the evening cuz well buri must have cataract at that age and won't be able to tell properly if it's her son or some randomass dude 💀

So he goes infront of the buri's house and starts to 🕺🕺🕺✨ .... Yes... Dance 🗿🔥

Psycho buri: yoo Fokir you home??

Disguised Shonkor: ..hmm 💀

Psycho buri, rambling on: where tf do you stay you dumbass

Psycho buri: do you even have any idea I fixed your marriage with the rajkonna???

Psycho buri: you'll marry her right??

Disguised Shonkor: ..hmm 💀💀

And then she drags him inside not even knowing that it's not her son because well... As I said it's evening and she got cataract fs

Psycho buri: do you even know how I fixed your marriage??

Disguised Shonkor: 💀💀 ....no...

Pyscho buri: ok so listen...

And she PROUDLY tells him how she kidnapped an innocent maiden just like that and practically held her hostage so that people can force her in a marriage without her consent 🤡🤡 and then shows him that mani which she kept with her all this time

Shonkor internally: BITCH I WANNA BEAT YOU UP YOU HORRIBLE FUCKING WOMAN- 🥰🔪⚡🔥👹💀✨ (this is legit in the book ok)

Shonkor internally: gotta somehow.. anyhow get that mani out of your hands asap and save my bestie and return back to my boyfriend...

Psycho buri: ykww.... Fokir... You keep this mani with yourself... AND DON'T LOSE IT!

Disguised Shonkor: o.O ok... 💀

Psycho buri: now lessgo to the palace and meet that patal puri rajkonna

Disguised Shonkor: ...hmm

......

So she dresses him up in somewhat bhalo jama kapor and takes him to the palace, where the king dude does some khatir jotno 💀🤌 cuz yeah Fokir is gonna be his ghor jamai afterall... (like bro how tf did this bitch of a man even agreed to get his daughter married to a rastar pagol typa guy?? 😭 I hate him so much)

So whatever now Disguised Shonkor looks here and there and when the buri asks what's wrong. He does some ishara to that buri to say “where is Kumudini” and she goes “ohh yeah lets go see her” and takes him the chambers she's kept locked in.

They go by the gaurds who look at them like 🤨 but still lets them go cuz yeah one's a madman another's a buri mohila what can they do...

.....

Inside the chamber Kumudini bbg is still crying because ofcourse she would be

Psycho buri: ahh girll why do you keep crying?? You will literally marry the rajkumar he'd be such a nice husband...

Shonkor, internally: BITCH HOW'D YOU EVEN KNOW WHY MY PHUL JAISI LADKI IS CRYING YOU'RE THE REASON FOR THIS 🥰👹👺🔥🔪💀

So after sometimes buri mohila was like “lesgo home now” but disguised Shonkor refused to go anywhere and just shaked his head.

Buri was like “yeah if this bitch said no then I can not convince him, I'll just let him stay and hangout with Kumudini then...”

So she left and Fokir looking Shonkor stayed in the room with Kumudini who's still depressed and crying and what not.

.......

So late at night when everyone has already retired to sleep and all

Disguised Shonkor: yoo bestie can you recognise me???

Kumudini: wha- *looking closely* OHHH

then she just breaks down in more tears out of relief ig...

Kumudini: TAKE ME OUT OF HERE BY TONIGHT PLS PLS PLS BESTIE PLS 😭🙏

Shonkor, covering her mouth: shhh don't say that

Shonkor: dw da'lin I've found you now and I will get you out I promise 🥹🤌

Kumudini: okk bestie 🥹🥹

......

Now Disguised Shonkor keeps roaming around the place and doing his ✨🕺dance🕺✨ in front of the gaurd who suspect nothing cause he's a madman and he goes in and out of the palace quite a few time to gain their trust.

THEN when he's sure they will let him do anything he wants, he gets to Kumudini and tells her to dress as a man and then he takes her and they both escape from that hellhole 🗿🗿✨ (boi is so smart)

And they FINALLY get to the patal palace under the lake and see that Upendro is literally on the verge of his n'th mental breakdown.

Seeing his boyfriend and wife returning like that Upendro is like o.O And then Kumudini again starts to cry

Kumudini: I'M SORRY I WENT UP WITHOUT INFORMING AND ALL THIS HAPPENED WAHHHH 😭😭😭

Upendro: IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT THO WAHH 😭😭😭

Shonkor, awkward thirdwheeling most probably: ..... 🌝

Upendro: broooo you're my ultimate broooo come here 😭😭😭

And then they HUG 🗿✨ (and kiss ig)

.....

So now they all decide that “yeah let's get back home” (Upendro's kingdom) so they get out of that lake but to their surprise and horror all the people Shonkor brought to fetch them left lmao (like I wouldn't be waiting so long for them either) 💀💀

So they all get disappointed and starts to walk on their own like dumb bitches but obviously gets tired after quite some times so they decide they'd spend the night in that forest under a bigass tree.

......

Now under the tree as Upendro and Kumudini falls asleep and Shonkor is... Idk what he's doing he's just awake for some reasons ig... He hears two birds talking (bengoma bengomi reference yooo ahhh)

Husband birdy: yo wifey yk that montriputro Shonkor did so much to save the rajkonna and rajkumar but it's of no use...

Wife birdy: wot? why??

H. birdy: yeah see so when the king would send elephants and horses to fetch his son and daughter-in-law...

H. birdy: Upendro will fall down while climbing the elephant and die

W. birdy: 💀 what if someone doesn't let him climb the elephant??

H. birdy: ohh he'll be saved then

H. birdy: but then once at the kingdom, the shingho daar of the palace will fall on his head and he'll die

W. birdy: 💀💀 what if he doesn't goes from under the gate??

H. birdy: he will be saved but...

H. birdy: when he sits to eat at the feast, the fish bones from the machher matha would get stuck in his throat and he'd die

W. birdy: 💀💀💀 ...what if he doesn't eats the machher matha??

H. birdy: ohh he'll be saved then

H. birdy: but at night when he'll be sleeping next to Kumudini

H. birdy: a snake will come out of her nose and bite him and he'll die

W. birdy: 💀💀💀💀 what if someone kills the snake before it can bite Upendro??

H. birdy: then he will be saved...

H. birdy: BUT that person can't speak these words to anyone else or they'll become a stone statue

W. birdy: 💀💀💀💀💀 YO WTF

W. birdy: then is there no way to save that person???

H. birdy: yeah there is...

H. birdy: when Kumudini will give birth to her first born child

H. birdy: that first born child must be cut in half and it's blood must be poured on the statue for that person to again become a human

W. birdy: 💀💀💀💀💀💀

.......

So yeah Shonkor listens to those birdies for the entire night 💀💀💀💀 and goes “DAMN GOTTA SAVE MY MAN-” because obviously he's the greatest “friend” ever

Now in the morning Upendro and Kumudini wakes up and they all again start their lalala journey back to the kingdom. 💀

But comes across the king's send men on their way and they are all glad and then Upendro tries to climb the elephant

And Shonkor stops him 🗿

Shonkor: bestie lemme ride the elephant once pls 🥹

Upendro: ...

Upendro: ok :)

Upendro feels a little weird that Shonkor would ask something so out of the blue but lets him take the elephant ride anyway cuz anything for his boyfriend and Shonkor literally saved his and his wife's ass just recently. 🗿🗿✨🤌

.....

They get back to the kingdom, Upendro on the horse and Shonkor on the elephant (and Kumudini was in the palki ig I forgot lol)

But now when time came to cross the shingho daar

Shonkor: bestie pls break the door na 🥺

Upendro: 💀💀💀

Upendro: ok

Upendro starts to get a little annoyed but complies with everything Shonkor is asking cuz same reasons he can't deny his boyfriend, especially after he did so much.

So now they are all happy and everything coming back home and blah blah

But the same thing happens while they were eating, Shonkor notices that his boyfriend is served with that bigass rui machher matha and he's like

Shonkor: lemme eat that machher matha bestieee 🥺

Upendro: uhhhh

Shonkor: yaayyy thanks :3

Atp Upendro had started to get irritated cuz wtf is this son of a bitch (respectfully) doing.... Just because he saved their lives doesn't mean he owns them 💀💀💀🤌 but he still keeps quiet in the public to not cause any chaos.

......

Later time comes and Shonkor is like “ok bye darling I'm going home :D” (ufsos wo kabhi ho na saka...) but Upendro is still angry and he pretty much ignores his boyfriend... glad that he's finally going home 💀🥹🤌

BUT BUT BUT my sweet child of heavens Shonkor didn't went to his home... INSTEAD he literally went to Upendro's bedroom in secret and hid under the bed 💀💀💀

💀

Yeah....

So now later Upendro and Kumudini comes to the room and it's said they fall asleep after yk talking and stuff... But we all know that's not what happened right? 🗿💀 (Don't tell me I'm the only dirty minded bitch here I swear-)

......

Once Both Upendro and Kumudini are finally asleep, Shonkor crawls out from under the bed and stands at the corner with his sword like 🧍🤺

Then by midnight he notices some thread like stuff coming out of Kumudini's nose and he gets ready as that stuff slowly becomes a poisonous snek.

As soon as the snek tries to get close to Upendro and bite him, Shonkor is like 🗡️🐍🩸☠️ and kills it. But it's blood splashes all over Kumudini 💀🤌

So this dumbass bitch is like “yeah ykw it would be rude to let her sleep with blood on her face I should maybe clean it.."

BUT while he was trying to wipe of her face, Kumudini startled woke up and started to scream, which in term woke up Upendro 💀🤌

....

AS SOON AS Upendro is awake he's angry as fuck and starts to cuss at Shonkor 💀✨

Shonkor: pls don't misunderstand me lemme explain

Upendro: omg leave it Ik how you are

Upendro: you disgusting p.o.s

Shonkor: babe listen-

Upendro: I don't wanna listen

Shonkor: bestie I did it to save YOU

Upendro: SAVE ME? Save me from what? Stop lying

Shonkor: I- I can't say that I'll turn into stone

Upendro: idfc just tell me or I won't believe you EVER

Shonkor: you won't even believe even after I told I'll turn into stone.... 🥺😭😔

Shonkor: ....ok listen then.... 😔

.....

So now Shonkor starts to narrate whatever he heard from those birdies and both Upendro and Kumudini listens to him intently

By the time he told them about the elephant incident both his legs are stone, but Upendro insisted he continues... And by the time he's done telling till the machher matha incident he's all stone till his neck

Shonkor: you still wanna listen why I was in your room??

Upendro: yeah ofcourse duh I NEED to know the entire thing...

(I mean he got a point 💀 BUT DUDE YOUR BOYFRIEND IS TURNING INTO A STONE STATUE BRUH)

Shonkor: ok then 😔

Shonkor: BUT remember if you even want to turn me back... You will need to sacrifice your first born child and drench the statue in it's blood..

Shonkor: now listen....

And he tells them the entire thing and yeah... He's a stone statue now 🗿

Upendro and Kumudini now notices the cut up snake on the floor and they are like “damn buddy was telling the truth...” 💀💀

.....

So they both keep Shonkor's statue at a corner in their room from then on...

And soon Kumudini becomes preggo and in an year gives birth to a beautiful baby boy (whom I named Mukundo btw.... :D)

And then both of them are solemnly sitting in their room as Upendro takes little baby Mukundo in his arms and raises his sword AND- yeah... I ain't saying that.... 💀

The blood splashes all over Shonkor and in an instance he's back to normal.

......

The first thing Shonkor sees as he opens his eyes is Kumudini CRYING, SOBBING, SCREAMING IN DESPAIR and Upendro trying to comfort her through his own tears 💀💀

And Shonkor is now is despair and trauma because it's all because of him their baby is dead because of him.

He picks up Mukundo in a piece of cloth and RUNS to his own home, because he remembered his WIFE was a great devotee of maa Durga and perhaps she could help him... (YES YOU PEOPLE ALL THESE WHILE THIS MAN THIS DUDE THIS FUCKER WAS FUCKING MARRIED AND I WAS SHOOK)

But as he reached his home, he didn't knew what to do, so he ties the cloth which had Mukundo in it to the banyan tree in his backyard and goes inside trying to pretend everything is normal 💀🤌 (arre amar gadha reee)

.....

His wife (I named her Jogodomba hehe) is happy that he's back after so much time and it's all going good and well. But soon she starts to notice that something's wrong with her husband (fuck of Shonkor that' my wife, my woman, the love of my life 🗿🗿)

He'd sit quietly all day lost in thoughts and look really guilty and scared and sad and everything.

Jogodomba: hey... what's wrong...

Shonkor: ....nothing....

And she tries to ask him many times for the past days but when she sees nothings working she goes to the mondir to consult maa Durga (all problem one solution maa 🗿🗿✨✨)

Jogodomba: maa maa he's so weird these days he looks so sad and idk something is definitely wrong with that dude of mine... 💀🤌

Maa Durga: hmm I see... Go ask him tonight what's wrong and tell me tomorrow

Jogodomba: okk (⁠◕⁠ᴗ⁠◕⁠✿⁠)

.....

So FINALLY that night Shonkor at last tells bbg what's the matter as he have a emotional breakdown crying and all and Jogodomba goes to maa Durga the next day and tells everything to her 🗿

Maa Durga: ohh I see ok yeah bring the baby to me I'll revive him :D

And so Shonkor runs back to the tree and brings Mukundo and hands him over to Jogodomba who as soon as puts him near maa Durga's feet is back to being alive and well 🗿✨ (Joy Maa Durga 🙏✨🗿)

So now Shonkor runs back to the palace with Mukundo and hands him over to Kumudini and Upendro who are all SUPER GLAD to have their baby back alive and healthy

And Upendro hugs Shonkor crying saying how much of a great “friend” he is and how grateful he'd be to Shonkor for the rest of his life (I bet they kissed)

And happily even after Ig...? (Jogodomba is mine tho-)

.......

SOOO THAT'S IT. Amar kotha ti furalo note gach ti muralo....

And I'm so sorry these took sooo fucking long to post 😭🤌 I had been so stressed and busy this week trying to cope with school and shit that I got zero time to type and everything 😭😭

But here's it! The story that I wanted to retell... Hopefully... One day... 🥹🤌 But idk if that will ever happen LOL

So now coming to why I named my characters what I named them...

Shonkor and Upendro: well... They are inspired by Harihar 🗿✨ and their “we are the same we can't live without eachother we are eachother's heart” propaganda 🗿🤌 lol.... As I was once telling @igotadigbickandureadthatwrong

Kumudini: well... Kumudini means lotus so... Lotus = Kamala, hence Kumudini = Kamala/Lakshmi so Upendro's wife being her made sense to me... 💀🤌 Also because she's from patal in the story and that was also another iconic thing that matched with Lakshmi hahahaha

Jogodomba: well duhh obviously because she got that ✨special✨ connection with Maa Durga as we saw 🗿✨ and her husband is named fucking Shonkor so it only made sense right??? 🗿💅✨

(I am such a genius no?) so I got my own Shri-Hari-Har-Uma Quad now hahaha 💅✨

Also because Shonkor Jogodomba and Upendro were names that sounded bangali enough so I choose them specifically... Kumudini well.. since she's patalnivasini she is a little different then the rest ig...

Yaaa that's it LOL I hope y'all enjoyed it :D and lemme know how you liked it :))))

P.S. this silly doodle I made of Upendro and Shonkor one day hehe

[delulustateofmind]

"It's All Your Fault, Isn't It?"

Yan! SatoSugu x Reader Sum: You've had the chances, why didn't you take them. In the end you'll always just lose the purest of love. Last part of: Can my friend join?, This is Love, Right? ** Can be read as standalone fics** TW: Yandere Behaviors (Obsession, Manipulation, etc), Death of Child Character, Blood, Toxic Relationship Dynamics, Depression, Dubcon, Lactation, Pregnancy themes, SatoSugu, Angst No Comfort. MDNI WC: 7.7k

A/n: I got supperrr stuck in the loop of editing, so I am just gonna post it, I feel like rereading it after the tenth time. I almost just pressed delete lol. :) enjoy!

It’s all your fault, isn’t it?

You did this to yourself. You should have walked away when the chance was there, when the door was still open, even just a crack. You should have screamed, fought, run—anything to reclaim a sliver of your freedom.

But you didn’t.

You stayed.

Was it the security? The comfort of knowing you’d never struggle to pay bills or scramble to find work? Was it the way Satoru promised, over and over, that you’d never go unloved, never feel the ache of loneliness again?

Or was it something darker? Something you couldn’t quite admit to yourself?

You told yourself it was love. You told yourself you were lucky. How many women could say they had someone who’d give them the world? Someone who, with a flick of his wrist, could bend the rules of life itself to ensure you had everything you could ever need?

So, you stayed.

Even before Suguru became part of the equation, you stayed. You even stayed when Satoru would come home in the dead of night, his footsteps a faint echo through the silent halls before his hands found you. You’d stir from your sleep as he pulled your panties down with barely a word, his breath hot against your neck.

There was no tenderness in those moments, no love—just need. A raw, consuming need he claimed you had to fulfill. And you let him, didn’t you? You let him push inside you with barely any preparation, your body yielding to him because he knew it so well.

Satoru knew the places that made you crumble, the spots where your body quivered, the way your breath hitched when his fingers grazed just right. He knew you better than you knew yourself, didn’t he? His movements were deliberate, practiced, the wet noises filling the room a cruel testament to how thoroughly he’d mastered you.

You’d given him permission. He reminded you of that often, didn’t he? That you’d said yes. That he worked so hard, carried so much, and that this was his right. That he had needs only you could meet.

And you understood. You always understood.

After all, he was the strongest, wasn’t he?

So, you let him use you.

Like a doll.

You’d lay there, staring at the ceiling, as he buried himself to the hilt one last time, his loud groans of release cutting through the stillness. A pathetic little whimper followed, muffled by the darkness, as he spilled himself inside you. And then, as if the act meant nothing, he pressed a sweet kiss to your temple, murmured something soft and indistinct, and rolled over to his side of the bed.

You stayed there, silent and unmoving, the lingering heat of his body beside you doing nothing to warm the cold ache between your thighs.

That’s when the thought would creep in. A sick, unwelcome whisper:

You didn’t even climax.

You hated yourself for thinking it. For letting it matter.

But still, you stayed.

Was it fear that held you there? Or was it hope—a desperate, foolish hope that one-day things would change? That one day, every day would feel like those rare, sweet moments when he pressed teasing kisses against your lips before dragging you out to get sweets. That he’d touch you with love, with the tenderness he so effortlessly showed to others—when he wasn’t breaking them apart piece by piece with that same teasing grin.

And now, looking back, you can’t decide what’s worse: that you didn’t leave when you had the chance…

Or that part of you still doesn’t want to.

You stayed, even when the small arguments started. The little spats about wanting him to open up more, to share pieces of his life with you, the pieces he always kept hidden. Perhaps it was selfish—maybe even naïve—but you wanted to know why he loved you.

Really, truly loved you.

But you never asked.

You saved that question, tucking it away deep into your heart, right alongside the cracks that had already started forming. You told yourself it wasn’t the right time. That maybe he wasn’t ready. That you shouldn’t push. Instead, you focused on the good times, clinging to them like lifelines.

Because they were good, weren’t they?

What other guy would give you the world like Satoru did? What other guy would bring you flowers every week—a different color each time, sometimes traditional, sometimes exotic, but always beautiful? What other guy would shower you with affection so openly, so shamelessly, pressing kisses to your skin, nuzzling into the crook of your neck as though you were the only thing keeping him grounded?

Satoru had told you he loved you. And maybe he did—in a way that wasn’t entirely built on desire, the need to keep you within his grasp, or the insatiable craving to hold you close for the rest of your days.

That’s what you told yourself, anyway.

That’s why you stayed.

Even when Suguru came into the picture—when those dark, calculating eyes lingered on you just a moment too long when his quiet, honeyed words wove themselves into your life like threads binding you to a tapestry you couldn’t escape—you stayed.

You had the choice, didn’t you? You could have said no. You could have walked away.

But you didn’t.

You stayed, and now there was no one else to blame.

So, truly, it is all your fault.

However, your heart’s at fault too, isn’t it? For leaning into Suguru's touches, craving his warmth, even when you knew deep down that he was a cruel and awful man. A man who veiled his darkness in sweetness, wrapping it in gentle words and tender caresses that made you doubt your own truths. He was a master of contradiction—soft hands and sharp edges, honeyed lies hiding an iron grip.

You could have left.

You could have said no to the whole relationship, shut the door before it ever opened.

But you didn’t.

You stayed.

You told yourself that maybe this was the best you could hope for, the best kind of love someone like you deserved. Because it was love, wasn’t it? They loved you. Even if it was conditional. Even if you had to give and give, piece after piece of yourself, just to receive a sliver in return.

Love comes in many forms, after all. And this was love.

Or so you continued to convince yourself.

This is what you deserve. That you should have listened to your gut, back when every touch felt too heavy, too lingering, too much. Back when their words seemed to wrap around you like chains instead of promises. You should have left before the walls around you closed in. Before you realized that leaving wasn’t just difficult—it was dangerous.

You had your chances, didn’t you? If only you’d taken them.

You knew Satoru would tear the world apart to find you if you ran. He’d find you, no matter where you went, no matter how far. But… would he really?

If you’d left early enough, maybe it wouldn’t have been like this. Maybe it would have been nothing more than a bad breakup, a lesson in heartbreak you’d recover from in time. Maybe, if you’d left after Suguru’s return, Satoru would have leaned on him instead of spiraling further into obsession.

But you didn’t leave.

You stayed.

Such a stupid, stupid girl.

And yet…

It was never just about them, was it?

Because you craved love too, just as much as they did. You wanted it desperately—so much that you ignored the warnings in your heart, the creeping dread in your chest. You wanted to be loved, to feel wanted, to belong to someone in a way that was absolute, undeniable, and unshakable.

And that’s exactly what they gave you.

But love like that—it came with a cost.

And you paid for it in silence, in submission, in the pieces of yourself you’d never get back.

So now, here you are, locked away in the beautiful Gojo estate. A place so grand it should feel like a palace, yet it suffocates you like a gilded cage. Every corner gleams with wealth and power, every surface reflects the life you’re supposed to be grateful for.

The maids don’t meet your eyes.

To them, you aren’t Satoru’s wife. You aren’t a partner. You’re something lesser.

A pet.

Because you aren’t the one ensuring the estate runs smoothly while Satoru is away on his endless missions. That responsibility doesn’t fall to you—it belongs to Suguru, doesn’t it? He’s the one in charge. He holds the reins, commanding the household with a quiet authority that leaves no room for question.

And you?

You remain.

The pet. The wife. The child-bearer.

Barefoot and pregnant, with a swollen belly to show for it, you shuffle through the estate like a ghost. Your body aches, weighed down not just by the child growing inside you, but by the chains of a life you can’t escape.

Suguru sees to it that the estate runs like a well-oiled machine, all while maintaining his title as the second strongest. His responsibilities never seem to tire him, never seem to dull his devotion. If anything, they only make him more overbearing.

He adores pampering you.

He drapes you in the softest blankets, ensuring you’re always warm. He dresses you in the finest clothes, silks and satins that cling to your growing belly, showcasing the proof of your usefulness. He loves the way your independence has been stripped away, loves the way you’ve been forced to rely on him for everything.

When did you become so dependent?

When did you start accepting his affection like a loyal dog, start leaning into the way his rough, calloused hands would trace the curve of your stomach? When did you start craving the way he’d gaze up at you with that lovesick smile, his voice low and honeyed as he murmured sweet words about the future?

“I hope the baby looks like Satoru,” he’d say, his eyes dark and soft as they met yours. Then, after a pause, “I hope it’s a girl.”

The words always made your chest tighten, made your stomach twist.

You know he must miss the twins.

It’s not just the weight of their absence—it’s the way he’s filled that void with this child, this unborn life. You can see it in the way he touches you, the way he watches you. He’s more excited about this pregnancy than you are.

And that’s the cruelest part, isn’t it?

Because to him, this isn’t just a child. It’s a legacy. A purpose.

To you?

It’s another chain.

And yet, you hate how loving he is. How he’s always there to hold your hair back when you’re bent over, heaving in the dead of night. How his large, warm hands find every knot in your aching limbs, massaging away the tension with a tenderness that makes your heartache.

It’s cruel, how gentle he can be. How he disarms you with care just when you think you might muster the strength to fight back.

There’s a constant mantra in your mind, a desperate hope that the baby won’t resemble either of them.

Because the thought of seeing their features reflected back at you stirs a fear too heavy to bear.

The thought of seeing their features reflected in those tiny, innocent eyes is terrifying. It brings the fear that every decision will feel like a mistake, that allowing any of this to happen will become an unbearable regret.

You tell yourself you hope, but it’s hard to ignore the possibility, isn’t it?

What if the child inherits Satoru’s piercing blue eyes—so crystalline they seem otherworldly, glowing even in the faintest light? The same eyes that burn and freeze you all at once, stripping you bare and exposing every secret, every hidden part of you.

Even his grin—boyish, sharp, too wide—lingers in your mind. A grin that could charm and cut in the same breath, leaving you unsure whether to lean closer or step away. What if that grin appeared on a smaller, softer face, just as devastating?

Or worse—what if the baby inherits Suguru’s gaze?

Those dark, soulful eyes that pull you in like the tide, gentle at first glance, inviting even, but hiding endless, churning storms beneath their surface. Eyes that promise escape is not an option. Unlike Satoru’s, Suguru’s smiles are quieter, softer—but no less dangerous. His smiles feel deliberate, like they’re slipping past every defense you didn’t even know you had.

Would the baby inherit Satoru’s arrogance? Suguru’s patience?

Or worse—would the child inherit both of their possessiveness?

The thought makes your skin crawl.

But the fear doesn’t end there.

Because it’s not just about the baby, is it?

It’s about you.

About how they’ve already carved themselves so deeply into your soul that you can’t even imagine a world without them. You hate that truth. Hate the way it festers inside you, a bitter root growing into every part of you.

You hate Satoru’s smirk when he strides into the estate after a mission, brushing off the exhaustion and blood as if it’s nothing. How he towers over you, his white hair catching the light in a way that seems almost ethereal, his fingers tilting your chin up with a mock tenderness that makes your breath catch.

You hate how he always knows exactly what to say to make you crumble, his voice dipping into that teasing lilt that makes your heart flutter in spite of yourself.

And Suguru—oh, you hate how he lingers. How his touch lingers. His hands are always warm, always deliberate, tracing paths across your skin as if he’s claiming you, piece by piece. Every stroke of his fingers feels like a silent reminder that you are his, that you belong to him. His voice, low and soothing, is a cruel contradiction—a balm against your nerves, even when his words are laced with quiet threats you pretend not to hear.

You hate them.

You hate the way they consume you, the way they’ve woven themselves into the fabric of your life so tightly that even your thoughts feel tangled in their presence.

And yet, as you sit in the vast, lonely expanse of the Gojo estate, the weight of your belly grounding you, you know the truth.

You’re not just afraid of the baby looking like them.

You’re afraid of what that child will mean.

Because if they look like Satoru, with his arrogance, his fire, his brilliance, how will you deny the pride swelling in your chest? How will you stop yourself from feeling that flicker of awe, even when you know you shouldn’t?

And if they look like Suguru, with his quiet strength, his steadfast devotion, how will you deny the love? How will you stop yourself from melting beneath those familiar eyes, from imagining them crinkling with joy or softening with affection?

You can’t.

And that's horrifying.

You won’t be able to ignore how Satoru has changed, how he’s become softer, more attentive in ways that make it harder to hold onto your resentment. How he lingers closer to you than he ever did before, as if the mere distance between you might undo something fragile inside him.

How he’s started resting his head in your lap as you sit together in the serene gardens, his white hair catching the sunlight like spun silk, almost ethereal. His long lashes cast soft shadows over his cheeks as his half-lidded gaze flickers up to meet yours, brimming with a tenderness you don’t know how to process.

He murmurs lazy words of affection, his voice low and warm, the kind of sweetness that drips like honey and sticks to your skin. His fingers trace absentminded circles on your thighs, soft patterns that feel far too intimate, far too easy.

And you hate how much you crave it.

You hate the way his presence soothes something raw inside you, even when you tell yourself it shouldn’t.

You hate how he’s begun helping you with the small, intimate things you wish you could keep to yourself. Like the unbearable ache in your swollen breasts, the pressure building so much it leaves you trembling, whimpering in pain. How he doesn’t hesitate, doesn’t even ask.

The way Satoru's lips wrap around you with loud, deliberate suckles, the sound echoing in the quiet as he eases the pressure with almost clinical precision. He doesn’t flinch. He doesn’t falter. His hands grip your hips to steady you, his thumbs pressing reassuring circles into your skin.

You hate the sound.

You hate the warmth of his breath against your skin, the way it prickles, a constant reminder of just how close he always is—too close.

When he’s finished, he pulls back with a satisfied hum, his lips brushing against your collarbone with a lingering kiss. His voice low, almost tender, as he murmurs, “I love this version of you.”

The words settle into you like stones. His lips, still soft from the milk, press against yours, and the faint sweetness lingers, almost cloying. Satoru murmurs more words—gentle, saccharine things that would feel kind if not for the way his hands start to roam as they wrap around your waist.

“How nurturing you’ve become,” he whispers, his tone carrying a dangerous sort of reverence.

That’s what he loves. That’s what he says.

And the way he looks at you when he says it—those bright blue eyes glinting with something dark, something that sinks its claws into you—makes your skin crawl. Because you know exactly what he means.

He doesn’t love the nurturing in and of itself. He loves how it ties you to him. How it binds you to this role, this life, this carefully constructed world where you are his and only his.

The version of you he loves is one that has no room for defiance, no space for resistance—only the space to give, to sacrifice, to bend under the weight of his love.

And that’s what makes it so much worse.

Because even as you hate it, even as your stomach churns and your skin prickles, there’s a part of you that leans into his touch. A part of you that longs for the softness, for the fleeting moments when it feels like love instead of control.

And you hate yourself for that, too

Because you know how it goes. You’ve seen it now. Lived it.

How one pregnancy ends and another begins.

The cycle repeated itself after your firstborn, didn’t it? Barely a year after you gave birth, they had you pregnant again. You didn’t even have time to recover, to heal, before they decided it was time for another.

But they love you, don’t they?

Satoru’s affection is impossible to miss—the way he grins at you, almost childlike, as he cups your face with hands that can destroy worlds but hold you as though you’re the most delicate thing he’s ever touched. How he showers you with gifts, flowers in every shade imaginable, rare treasures that sparkle as brightly as his endless energy.

How many times has he told you, in his low, teasing voice, “You’re my world, you know that? I could do anything, have anything—but none of it would matter without you.”

It sounds like love, doesn’t it?

And Suguru—Suguru loves you too, in his quiet, steady way. You see it in the way he watches you, his dark eyes softening when you enter the room, the weight of his gaze feels suffocating. He’s the one who stays calm when you cry, wrapping his arms around you and murmuring, “Shh, it’s okay. I’m here. You don’t have to carry this alone.”

And you believe him, don’t you?

They love you. That’s why they insist on keeping you close. Why Satoru kisses your forehead every morning, why Suguru runs his fingers through your hair as he whispers sweet nothings you’re too exhausted to resist. That’s why they ensure you’re taken care of, why they never let you lift a finger, why they promise they’ll always protect you.

“You don’t have to do anything,” Satoru once said, kissing your swollen belly as he grinned up at you. “Just stay here with us. That’s all we need.”

“It’s not just for us,” Suguru added, his voice softer, more measured. “It’s for you too. We want you to feel safe. Loved.”

And in moments like that, when the weight of their words settles in your chest like a lullaby, you almost believe them.

You tell yourself that no one else would love you this much. No one else would care for you so completely, so unconditionally—because this is love, isn’t it?

The maids barely acknowledged your struggles. Their gazes were cold, dismissive, even as your body ached and your mind screamed for reprieve. They would gently pry your child from your arms with hushed whispers.

“You need more rest,” they’d say, their voices soft but unyielding. “We’ll take care of them. Don’t worry.”

And what could you do? You’d watch helplessly as they carried your baby away, leaving you empty-handed, empty-hearted. As if you were nothing more than a vessel, an incubator meant to bear and birth heirs for the Gojo family.

Your firstborn was a boy.

A son.

An heir.

He looked just like Satoru.

Those piercing blue eyes stared back at you from his tiny, cherubic face, wide and curious, already holding a glint of brilliance and confidence you couldn’t deny. His hair was the same stark white, impossibly soft beneath your trembling fingers as you brushed it back, memorizing every perfect strand. Even the little smirk he gave in his sleep mirrored Satoru’s—a playful, almost mocking curl at the corners of his mouth that made your heart ache with emotions you couldn’t unravel.

You loved him.

You hated that you loved him.

And when Suguru would cradle him in his arms, his dark eyes soft and filled with a devotion that seemed to crack the carefully constructed walls around your heart, you couldn’t deny the warmth blooming in your chest. He’d whisper promises to the child—vows of protection and guidance.

When Satoru would swoop in, effortlessly spinning the boy around with an energy that filled the room with light, the sound of your son’s uncontrollable laughter echoing like music, that warmth would return. It would swell in your chest, suffocating and undeniable, a cruel reminder of the chains you wore willingly and unwillingly all at once.

This is what they wanted, wasn’t it?

This is what they’d planned all along.

And now, with another child growing inside you, you realize something that terrifies you more than anything else.

You’re not sure if you stayed because you had no choice.

Or because you wanted to.

Again, it’s all your fault.

For trying to run, again.

For thinking, just for a moment, that you could escape them.

You were far too pregnant. Belly too far swollen, body heavy and slow, every step a reminder of how deeply tethered you were to this vast estate. But the thought wouldn’t leave your mind. The desperate hope of freedom burned too brightly, too wildly, even as your body betrayed you.

Even as you were dragged back to that sickening place, back to the people that you convinced yourself—desperately, foolishly—that this was love.

You’d screamed at Suguru, the words spilling out like a torrent you couldn’t stop. You told him the child was yours too, that you had the right to hold them, to sleep in the same room, to be more than a vessel. Your voice cracked, raw with frustration and desperation, as you hurled your defiance at him.

You remember the way his gaze darkened.

He didn’t yell. He didn’t snap. That wasn’t Suguru’s way.

Instead, he stepped closer, his movements slow, calculated, as though he were approaching a frightened animal. He tilted his head, his expression calm, disarming, the warmth in his dark eyes a stark contrast to the undercurrent of control they held.

“You’re upset,” he murmured, his voice soft, soothing. His hand reached out to cup your cheek, his thumb brushing away the tears streaking your face. “And that’s okay. You’ve been through so much, haven’t you?”

The quiet warmth in Suguru's voice made it hard to breathe, made the frustration clawing at your throat turn to something else—something like shame.

“You need to calm down,” he continued, a warm calloused hand slipping down to cradle the side of your neck, his thumb pressing lightly against your pulse. “I don’t want you to hurt yourself. I don’t want you to hurt us.”

His words lingered, heavy with meaning, as he pulled you closer, his forehead pressing against yours.

“I know it’s hard,” he whispered, his breath warm against your skin. “But I love you. We love you. Everything we do—everything I do—is for you.”

You wanted to push him away, to scream that it wasn’t love, that this wasn’t love. But as his arms wrapped around you, strong and unyielding, pulling you into his embrace as though Suguru could shield you from the very world they had trapped you in.

“You’re everything to me,” he murmured, soft lips brushing your temple. “Don’t you see that? You don’t need to run. You don’t need to be afraid. I’ll take care of you. I’ll always take care of you.”

A voice that was so tender, so achingly sincere, that it almost broke you. Suguru's words were enough to extinguish the fire of defiance burning in your chest, to leave you standing there, trembling and helpless in his arms.

The maids saw it, didn’t they? They whispered about you, their quiet voices slipping through the halls like ghosts. They called you ungrateful. Sick. They said you didn’t understand how fortunate you were.

“You should be enjoying this,” they murmured, their words laced with thinly veiled judgment. “No responsibilities, no struggles. A carefree life. Everything is taken care of for you. What more could you want?”

What more could you want?

No choices.

That’s what they meant, wasn’t it? No choices. No freedom. No you.

Was something wrong with you? Maybe.

Maybe there was something wrong with wanting more. For wanting to feel like a person again, instead of a vessel, a doll, a beautifully dressed incubator meant to carry their legacy.

It really is all your fault, isn’t it?

Because when labor came, it dragged you into hell.

Thirty-three grueling hours. Each contraction ripped through your body like a punishment, an unrelenting reminder of every fleeting thought of rebellion, of every moment you dared to imagine a life beyond them.

The emergency c-section was chaos—a flurry of hands, sterile lights, and voices rising above the incessant ringing in your ears. You were losing too much blood. Fever scorched your skin, your body trembling as the edges of the world blurred, your thoughts slipping between consciousness and darkness.

You couldn’t make sense of what was happening. You weren’t even sure whose tears streaked your skin as they fell—were they yours? Satoru’s? Suguru’s?

You didn’t know.

You didn’t know what happened after that.

All you remember are the words.

Suguru’s voice, low and steady, cutting through the haze. He leaned close, his hand resting on your clammy cheek with an almost painful tenderness. His dark eyes bore into yours, soft yet heavy with something that made your stomach twist.

“You shouldn’t have run,” he whispered. His tone was calm, soothing even, but the edge beneath it was sharp enough to draw blood. “Look at what you’ve done to yourself. You should’ve listened.”

And for a long time, you didn’t have the strength to argue.

The days that followed blurred together. Feeling like a ghost in your body, too weak to move, too tired to speak. Satoru and Suguru hovered, their gazes flickering between concern and something you couldn't quite place. The maids continued to whisper on with their rumors, their eyes darting to you with pity or disdain, as though you’d done this to yourself.

In their eyes, you were lucky.

Lucky to have survived. Lucky to have them.

And lucky, in their eyes, to not have another pregnancy until your first two boys turned five.

Five years of peace. Or something that resembled it.

Five years of watching your sons grow, of hearing their first words, of feeling their small, warm arms wrap around you as they giggled into into your neck. Five years where it was almost believable that this was normal, where you could almost convince yourself this was love.

Because it did feel like love, didn’t it?

Until the day you overheard Suguru speaking to them.

His voice was hushed, but not hushed enough.

“Mommy is sick,” he said, tone calm and soothing like he was explaining a simple fact of life. “Sometimes she says things she doesn’t mean. Sometimes she gets confused. But that’s okay. We love her, don’t we?”

A pang sent through your chest, breath catching as you froze in the hallway. Those cruel words lies carved like knives, each one slicing deeper than the last.

He was planting seeds, wasn’t he?

Teaching them to see you the way he wanted them to see you. Fragile. Dependent. Broken.

However with fists clenched, nails pressing into palms with a sting sharp enough to ground the swirling emotions within. The urge to scream hovered at the edge, to cry and storm into the room, demanding explanations with the desperation of a cornered animal. Words burned on the tip of the tongue—protests that it wasn’t true, that sickness and confusion weren’t the chains binding this existence.

But what would they believe?

Suguru’s steady, patient voice, rich and even, always laced with quiet authority? The father whose dark eyes always seemed to understand everything, who carried himself with calm, unshakable control, even when his smiles didn’t quite reach his eyes?

Or you?

The mother who had tried to run, who had collapsed and bled and screamed, who had been scolded for her defiance. The one they saw as weak, frail, and ungrateful.

You wanted to run again. The thought burned in the back of your mind, relentless and wild.

But you didn’t.

You stayed.

Because, in the end, what choice did you really have?

But by the time your third child—a sweet boy who looked like a perfect blend of you and Suguru—turned three, the illusion of peace began to crack.

Suguru was already leaning close, his voice soft and coaxing as he murmured into your ear, “I think it’s time we try for a girl.”

Satoru, of course, was on board almost immediately.

After all, your third child was different. A nonsorcerer, just like you, showing none of the abilities your first two boys possessed. Those two had cried in the dead of night, their small voices trembling with fear as they described the horrors only they could see—things you couldn’t even begin to comprehend.

But that wasn’t why your husbands looked at Kiyoshi with quiet disapproval.

It wasn’t his lack of cursed energy that made them see him as an anomaly.

It was his heart.

From the moment Kiyoshi was placed in your arms, red-faced and wailing, he clung to you with a desperation that never faded. He didn’t want the maids to hold him, didn’t toddle after Suguru’s composed steps or reached for Satoru’s strong arms. He wanted you. Always you.

He was a mama’s boy through and through, and that was love.

A love so pure it felt like a lifeline in the suffocating world you’d been forced into.

While you loved your first two boys deeply—how could you not?—there was always a distance there, a reflection of the walls your husbands had built around you. The first two cuddled into your lap, their small hands clutching yours as they whispered things that broke you.

“Mommy, we want you to get better.” “We don’t like it when you yell at Daddy to let you leave.”

They were too young to understand, too innocent to see the chains tightening around you.

But Kiyoshi understood, in his own way. Even as a toddler, he refused to leave your side, refused to let the maids or his fathers pull him from your arms. He was always on your hip, his little hand clutching your clothes, his head resting against your chest.

“Kiyoshi,” Satoru had said once, his tone laced with false amusement, “means ‘pure sadness.’ Don’t you think that’s fitting?”

He smiled as if it were a joke, but you could hear the bitterness beneath it.

And maybe it was fitting.

Because Kiyoshi only stopped wailing when he was in your arms, as if he already knew the world outside of you was too cruel, too cold.

By the time he turned three, Kiyoshi would toddle after you in the gardens, small, sturdy legs working hard to keep up. His face—a blend of Suguru’s gentleness and your warmth—would brighten with the purest smile. When his eyes crinkled at the corners, just like yours, you couldn’t help but feel your heart swell.

“Look, Mommy!” he’d say, holding up a flower he’d plucked from the garden, his tiny fingers dirt-stained and clumsy. “For you!”

You’d crouch down, brushing his dark hair back as you took the flower, your voice soft and tender in a way you hadn’t heard in years.

“Thank you, my sweet boy.”

And for a moment, it felt like it was just the two of you.

Like you could breathe again.

But you knew better.

As the sound of approaching footsteps always shattered moments like these. Heavy and far too familiar. You didn’t need to turn around to know it was Suguru.

His softspoken voice broke the fragile silence, calm and even, as always. “Kiyoshi,” he said, warm and affectionate, though laced with something you couldn’t quite name. “You’ve been keeping your mother all to yourself again, haven’t you?”

Kiyoshi stiffened at your side, the little hand tightening its grip on your kimono as he glanced nervously toward Suguru.

Suguru stepped closer and crouched down to Kiyoshi’s level, dark eyes softening as they met his son’s. “Come here, son,” he murmured, holding out a hand. His tone was gentle, coaxing, but there was an unspoken expectation beneath it. “Let Daddy hold you for a little while. I’ve missed you.”

But Kiyoshi didn’t move. His small fingers curled tighter into the fabric of your kimono, his face pressing into your side as though trying to make himself small, invisible.

Suguru’s gaze flicked to you, lips curling into a faint smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. “So shy,” he said softly, his voice carrying a note of amused affection. “But you don’t have to be, Kiyoshi. Daddy just wants to hold you. You know that, don’t you?”

You felt your heart clench, torn between the instinct to shield him and the weight of Suguru’s presence. The tenderness in his tone, in the way his hand remained outstretched, made it all the harder to breathe.

“Kiyoshi,” Suguru said again, his voice dipping into a firmer edge, calm but unyielding. “Come.”

Reluctantly, your little boy let go of you, his steps slow and hesitant as he moved toward his father. Suguru’s smile widened, soft and reassuring, as he scooped Kiyoshi up effortlessly, cradling him with a gentleness that felt too deliberate, too controlled.

“There’s my good boy,” he murmured, brushing Kiyoshi’s hair back with careful fingers. His touch lingered, as though committing the texture to memory. “You love your mommy very much, don’t you?”

Kiyoshi nodded silently, his small face burying itself in Suguru’s shoulder.

Suguru’s gaze lifted to meet yours, a gentle smile, his tone almost playful. “You’ve spoiled him,” he said, a note of amusement threading through his words. “He’s too attached.”

You opened your mouth to respond, to say something, but the words caught in your throat.

What could you say?

That you were the only warmth in a world that terrified him? That his attachment wasn’t a flaw, but a desperate grasp at something safe?

Satoru appeared not long after, his presence impossible to ignore as he strolled into the garden, hands in his pockets and a grin that seemed too bright for the moment. His eyes, however, betrayed something softer—something that lingered only when they landed on you.

“Kiyoshi giving you trouble again?” Satoru's voice came out light, tinged with curiosity.

“No trouble,” Suguru replied smoothly, a hand still resting on Kiyoshi’s small back. “Just a little too fond of his mother.”

Satoru chuckled, shaking his head as he moved closer. His cerulean gaze flicked briefly to Kiyoshi before returning to you, that playful grin softening as he moved to brush a kiss against your temple. “Well, can you blame him?” he murmured, his voice low, meant only for you. “You’re hard not to love.”

The warmth of his affection made your heart twist, and your stomach flutter. For a moment, it was easy to forget the way his words often carried double meanings, easy to believe he was simply being sweet.

He straightened, turning his attention back to Suguru with a teasing smile. “But we’ll fix that soon enough, won’t we?”

They didn’t mean to hurt him, you told yourself. They wouldn’t.

But you knew better.

Because Kiyoshi was different. He didn’t fit into their world the way your first two boys did. And in their eyes, difference was something to be controlled.

For now, they let him cling to you. They let him toddle after you in the garden, offering flowers and dirt-streaked smiles that made your heart ache with both love and dread. For now, they allowed him to stay close, to hold onto the warmth you gave him, to believe he was safe in your arms.

But you knew it was only a matter of time.

Because your sons didn’t belong to you. Not really. They never had.

And no matter how much you wanted to shield Kiyoshi, no matter how fiercely you loved him, you knew one simple, devastating truth:

They’d let you have this for now.

But they would take him, too.

Because, after all, it’s all your fault.

For fleeing in the middle of the night.

The day was supposed to be perfect—a rare moment where Satoru and Suguru had taken the older two boys to the school, their voices filled with excitement as they promised to teach them more about the world they were destined to inherit. Your sweet boys kissed you goodbye with a tenderness that felt almost cruel, leaving you behind with Kiyoshi in the quiet, sprawling estate.

You had been on your best behavior. Smiling more, laughing when Satoru teased you, letting Suguru hold you a little longer than usual. You’d made them believe you were finally settling, finally accepting your role in their carefully constructed world.

And it worked.

So when the sun set and the house fell silent, you made your move.

You bundled Kiyoshi up in the softest blanket you could find, the small body warm and sleepy against your chest. He stirred only slightly as you slipped out of the estate, his tiny hands clutching onto your clothes.

He didn’t cry.

He didn’t make a sound.

It was as if he understood. As if even at three years old, he knew that silence was the only thing keeping you safe.

He nuzzled his face into the crook of your neck, his soft breaths warm against your skin, and you couldn’t help the tears that welled up in your eyes.

The highway stretched out before you, an endless black ribbon under the faint glow of the moon. The lights of the city sparkled in the distance, a beacon of hope, a promise of sanctuary.

You walked for miles, the cold night air biting at your skin, legs aching with every step. But you didn’t stop. You couldn’t. Not with the faint echoes of paranoia whispering at the back of your mind.

Were they already looking for you? Did Satoru sense you slipping away even from miles away? Did Suguru wake in the middle of the night with the suffocating weight of intuition, already calling for their forces to track you down?

You didn’t know.

And you didn’t care.

The city limits were closer now, the glow of neon lights growing brighter, sharper. The faint hum of life and sound buzzed in the distance.

Kiyoshi stirred in your arms, his little head lifting just enough to peek out at the world around him. His dark eyes, so much like Suguru’s but filled with an innocence his father could no longer claim, glanced up at you with quiet curiosity.

“Mommy,” he whispered, his voice barely audible over the soft hum of the wind.

You pressed a kiss to his forehead, your tears wetting his soft hair. “We’re almost there, my sweet boy,” you murmured, your voice trembling under the weight of hope and fear. “Just a little farther.”

Sanctuary was so close you could taste it.

But it’s all your fault, isn’t it?

Born a nonsorcerer.

Blind to the horrors that lurk unseen. Powerless to fight them off. Too weak to keep that sweet little boy safe.

You always imagined curses as massive, grotesque creatures—monsters so obvious that the very air would change in their presence. That the world would stop, that everything would smell of death and decay as they loomed closer.

But when a curse appears, nothing changes.

There’s no warning. No shift in the wind.

The only thing you feel is the sudden weight of your child going limp in your arms.

And then the blood.

And then the blood.

It coats the ground—dark and endless, pooling around your knees and seeping into the cracks of the earth. Sticky and warm, it clings to trembling hands, staining your kimono, your skin, your very soul.

You can’t move. Can’t breathe.

Your little boy—your Kiyoshi—lies limp in your arms, his small body growing colder with every agonizing second. Tiny fingers, once so eager to cling to you, now dangle lifelessly. His dark lashes rest softly against pale cheeks, unmoving.

He looks like he’s sleeping.

You tell yourself that, over and over, as if saying it enough times will somehow make it true. Shaking hands brush back his dark hair, trembling as you whisper his name. Softly at first, then louder, your voice splintering with every syllable.

“Kiyoshi… wake up, baby. Please.”

But nothing changes.

The world around you feels wrong—too quiet, too still. The city lights in the distance mock you, their glow a cruel reminder of the sanctuary you’d been so close to reaching. You’d promised him, hadn’t you? Promised that everything would be okay. That you’d make it there. That you’d keep him safe.

You lied.

“Kiyoshi,” you choke out again, pressing a desperate kiss to his cooling forehead. Hot tears streak down your face, wetting his soft hair as you clutch him tighter, as though you could anchor him to you—keep him here, with you.

A wail tears through the night, raw and broken, shattering the oppressive silence. The sound is unrecognizable, guttural and full of despair. It takes a moment before you realize it’s coming from you.

The blood stains everything—your hands, your clothes, the ground—but it’s the loss of his warmth that destroys you.

How did this happen?

Your mind races, replaying the moments in broken fragments. You’d been walking, your legs aching, his small body cradled against your chest. He’d been so quiet, so trusting, his head nuzzled into the crook of your neck.

You were almost there.

Then the air shifted—just slightly—a subtle wrongness you hadn’t noticed until it was too late.

You didn’t see it.

You didn’t even know it was there until his body jerked in your arms, a sharp, unnatural movement that stole his breath—and yours.

And then he went limp.

It doesn’t make sense. None of it makes sense.

You rock him back and forth, tears falling freely, your voice hoarse as you beg him to wake up. Leaning to press your cheek against his, murmuring his name over and over, as if the sound alone could bring him back.

Because you failed him.

Because this is your fault.

Suguru’s arms wrap around you, their weight unbearable. His warmth presses against the chill of the night, suffocating in a way that makes the air harder to pull into your lungs. He cradles you like something precious, something fragile—like he cares, even as his words twist the knife deeper into your chest.

“We’ll take care of this, just like always,” he says, his voice soft, almost gentle. His lips brush against your hair, lingering, and the tenderness in the gesture makes your skin crawl. “You just need to stop fighting us. Don’t make this harder than it needs to be.”

Satoru stood frozen, head bowed, white hair catching the faint glow of the city lights. Kiyoshi’s lifeless body was pressed tightly against him, his hands trembling ever so slightly as he held him close. For a moment, you thought you saw something crack in his expression—something raw, something human.

But it was gone just as quickly as it appeared.

When he finally turned his gaze to you, his blue eyes were as hollow as you’d ever seen them. “You shouldn’t have done this,” he said quietly, his voice devoid of its usual teasing lilt. “Why couldn’t you just stay?”

The question stabbed deeper than you thought possible, the shame and guilt coursing through you like poison.

Why couldn’t you just stay?

The image of Kiyoshi’s bright smile flashed, his tiny hands offering you flowers from the garden, his laugh ringing out like music in the suffocating silence of the estate. He’d been your light, your tether to something good.

And now he was gone.

Because of you.

You sagged further into Suguru’s hold, the fight draining out of you entirely. The tears wouldn’t stop, falling silently now, soaking into the front of Suguru’s shirt as he held you tighter.

“There, there,” he murmured, his hand stroking your hair in slow, deliberate motions. “That’s better. You don’t have to fight anymore. We’ll make it right.”

But there was no right in this.

The car waited nearby, its door open like an unspoken command. Suguru’s grip on you didn’t waver as he began guiding you toward it, his movements gentle but unrelenting. Satoru followed behind, cradling Kiyoshi’s small form like he was made of glass.

Your legs moved on instinct, numb and heavy, the metallic scent of blood lingering in the air.

The city lights grew fainter as the car doors shut behind you, locking you away from the world you’d been so close to reaching.

You told yourself you’d tried. That you’d done everything you could.

But deep down, you knew.

You’d never escape them.

And as Suguru’s fingers intertwined with yours, as Satoru’s empty gaze lingered on the horizon, you realized something that hollowed you out completely.

It wasn’t just that you had nothing left.

It was that you no longer cared to try.

It really was all your fault.

[st5byler]

Mileven, The General Audience, and You

This is probably my first time ever making a post like this, but I find this discussion interesting. Also I just wanted a punchy title lol.

There has been a lot of discussion about 'The General Audience', more often called the GA when discussing Byler & Mileven, and I want add my piece (with at least one piece of evidence... My Mom)

Milevens Claims about the General Audience

So, I see Milevens claim that the General Audience is entirely on Milevens side, and that they believe in the ship.

I'd like to ask them where they end up getting this information post-Season 3 release.

This is entirely correct if you base it off of Season 1 & 2. It was a ship that people were rooting for! There were no flaws to speak on and their journey for each other was considered cute. But, well, there's more than 2 seasons of Stranger Things.

Season 3 was essentially the season to plant the seeds of doubt about Mike & Eleven having and keeping a romantic relationship. Season 1 was mostly unromantic, and Season 2 they were separated till the end - so by Season 3 when they had each other, all should be well, right?

Wrong. The cracks in the ship became more prevalent than ever. It also kicked off the Mike Wheeler hate. And, to be frank, Season 3 is also the worst season for him.

...And then we have Season 4. Mike & Eleven's plots with each other continue to be their only plotlines together. while I wasn't there for the Season 3 backlash, I was absolutely there for the Season 4 backlash. even within spaces that didn't ship Byler, Mileven was disliked.

I feel like the likes on this tweet speak volumes.

I do not believe the GA dislikes Mileven, but I do think they are tired of their relationship at this point - because it's been made up of more conflict than actual relationship stuff lol.

So why do Milevens still push the narrative that the GA still loves Mike and Eleven together? Because the GA is important! The reception to parts of the show from the audience ends up being something to at least take into account during the making of the next season, and if the GA are no longer that receptive to Mileven, then where does that leave the shippers?

My Mom

I mentioned her for a reason, because she's one of the people you can consider the General Audience. Or perhaps even a huge fan. She is a big fan of this show, collects merchandise and everything. Her favorite character is Eleven, and she's been watching since season 1 was released.

She is also a Mileven fan. She thinks they're cute together mostly, and she doesn't engage with fancommunities for Stranger Things (eg Reddit/Tumblr). She just lives in her own world ST-wise.

So when I asked her what she thought if Mileven broke up in Season 5, she said this. "Yeah, that would make sense. They haven't really been together long."

I was surprised, but I end up finding it more funny than anything. If my mom, who really loved Mileven & has never engaged with fancontent thinks it makes sense if Mileven broke up, than the GA who are probably less diehard than her are probably gonna be fine with Mileven breaking up.

TL;DR

The GA aren't as big of fans of Mileven as the shippers claim they are, and are probably going to end up fine if they broke up, lol.

(Note, sorry if this is incoherent ramblings, I don't do these kinds of posts but I hope it makes sense!!)

[kisolvetica]

Hello!!! Thanks for the tag!! <3 Didn't expect to be tagged to be honest but I'm glad I did get tagged! :D

Also I must say everyone who reblogged before me sounds like such cool people! :>

Last song: American Jesus by Bad Religion! At first I wanted to say a Bowie song because I was listening to it all day due to it having been his death anniversary but then my playlist thought to be like "I don't think so!" and played a different song I like. I am pretty much a person who listens to everything.

Favourite colour: Despite my layout having purple and blue as the primary colours, my favourite colours are yellow (especially the yellow daffodils have) and dark green! Obviously I also like my layout colours but I'd say green and yellow just feel so soothingly happy to me.

Last Book: I am currently reading Faust 1 by Goethe because my finals are creeping up and it's one of the books I may need for those lol. But I also enjoy the book quite a lot!

Last movie: The phantom of the opera! I watched it together with my mother one random evening last year and I haven't watched any movie since then. I do want to watch Nosferatu next, though!

Last TV show: My mother and I have started watching a lot of shows together (this includes DBDA but it was too gay to handle for her conservative mind and she noped out after the cat king was introduced) and the latest is "From" it's not really popular, I think, at least it doesn't have a lot of Fanfics but I did enjoy the first season. I am a little sceptical about how they always introduce a bunch of characters but I hope that they flesh them out! It does have sapphics though so that's a win.

Sweet/Spicy/Savoury: I do have a big sweet tooth but I think outside of snacks and chocolate I am more of a fan of spicy food? Like, if someone asked me whether I'd want a spicy or a sweet dish for dinner, Id probably be more inclined to choose the spicy one.

Last thing I searched online: I researched for a fanfic I want to write and so it's "Boarding schools in Edwardian Britain" (now take a big guess for which fandom!! It's so niche you will never figure it out /s)

Current Obsession: My obsession with Genshin and HSR is dying down quite a bit (let's face it, it's the fandom's fault) And now my focus is back on demons and Greek Mythology. I have the want to get into Athuriana literature as well but ugh I'm too busy for this. Outside of occultism and mythology, yeah, obviously DBDA. It hit me HARD and I'm not mad!!! ... Also my own OCs but that's something only I can fix.

Looking forward to: Graduation!! Yes, everyone is telling me that it only gets worse from now on (which,,, very promising btw) but I am so glad when I leave this school. At least at university I can choose a bit more of what I want to do. I am also gonna get a therapist which I am in dire need of and hopefully try to get gender affirming care at the end of the year. I already have a job lined up so the only other things I want to achieve this year is finishing up my driver's license and get the scholarship I applied for but that part is something I have no control over! Also, I might need to look out for apartments because of a reason surrounding my family situation but, well, I prefer living alone anyway. Just gotta see how I'm gonna support myself.

Ten people I'd like to know better: You know, I don't even know if I know the blog names of ten separate people or if they're even okay with me tagging them (what's the etiquette for that? I know that some other platforms were rather... nasty about it). So,,, if you come across this and you want to do this, I always like to read about other people's interests!! So pretend I tagged you, if we're mutuals or I follow you, I do know and like you, I am just an awkward person who doesn't know how to act with people :).

10 People I'd Like to Know Better

Thanks for the tags @gaiaseyes451 and @beerok23!💜!💜

last song: Gloria by the Lumineers

favourite colour: Red, like a deep luscious red that you know would taste good if you licked it. Don't act innocent, you know exactly what I mean by that. Red is a color that you just know tastes good.

last book: I am currently trying to read the Witcher series (per @lickthecowhappy's suggestion) so I am at the start of the Last Wish

last movie: Moana 2 (I have young kidsssss)

last TV show: My oldest is almost 10 which means she stays up late. Which also means I have so little time to watch adult things. So we've been watching the Office with her. I think I want to watch the Good Place with her next tho (I've never watched it!)

sweet/spicy/savoury: Sweet followed very, very closely by spicy. Habanero maple syrup is one of my favorite things on the planet.

last thing i searched online: How to explain a 10 year career hiatus in a cover letter (looking to return to work since having kids. It's been an interesting experience so far).

current obsession: Have not moved on from Good Omens, but recently realized that my obsession may be more in my own little connected universe of fics that I wrote rather than the actual canon at this point😳. I'm sure once we get that first glimpse of red and white hair that will change very quickly.

looking forward to: Going back to work and having a more established adult life again, honestly. I've been so lucky to be home with my kids while they are young, but I am ready. And figuring out how my newfound passion for writing is going to fit into that new life of mine. Another big year of change over here for me, and I am eagerly looking forward to how the growing pains are going to make way for something beautiful beyond.

ten people i’d like to know better:

@addledmongoose, @di-42, @afrenchwriter, @haemey, @eybefioro, @alwaystuesday, @katspause, @alphacentaurinebula, @shadesofecclescakes, @ochre-sunflower and whoever wants to do it (but also feel free to ignore!)

[giglio-nero-e-bianco]

COTL Deathmaid AU

The Lamb's cult has grown to be it's own kingdom, the cult is known by everyone on land and the knowledge that the former Bishops are not only part of it but they're also the most loyal members has angered quite a few heretics.

There's many families that dedicated their whole existence and generations to serving the Bishops, so they have a deep hatred towards the Lamb, they think that they did something to their Bishops to make them so loyal and if they destroy the cult then everything will go back to the way it was before.

So there's many heretic attacks to the cult whenever the Lamb is out on crusades, what they don't count in is the fact that there's someone in charge on the cult when the leader's out: The high priest and the Lamb's husband... Dressed as a maid.

This throws heretics for a loop, they think less of him and attack confidently.

But you see, Narinder is the cult's maid, he's in charge of cleanup, housekeeping, he has to clean the grounds from the disasters the cultists make, from caught spies and from heretics that attack his home, I mean, who else but the maid is going to scrub the blood on the floor left by the heretics before the Lamb comes back?

Here's a few details of the AU:

While it was the Lamb's idea for Nari to wear the maid dress, Narinder is the one who modified it and made it shorter, he says it's to make it more practical, but deep down he knows he just felt bonita in the dress.

The Lamb also gifts a lot of gold to Narinder, but he only uses it on special occasions, wearing only his earrings on a daily basis.

Narinder fell in love when he was still a god, and while angry at the Lamb's betrayal, he still said yes to the marriage proposal given to him the second he appeared in the cult.

The night their daughter Luci's egg was conceived, it was Nari who laid the egg... Even tho he wasn't the bottom that night. But you'll catch the Lamb dead before them going through labor, lol (something something god power so we'll do it like seahorses)

Also, they want to try for another baby in the future, maybe the next time they'll get a little kitten or a baby lamb, but don't get them wrong, they love their daughter with all their soul.

The crown is just a tsundere tbh

They're the one who wanted Narinder and Lamb together in the first place, they actually finds them adorable and loves their little shitten (no one touch her, that's their niece, back off), but they find it funnier to make them angry.

The crown loves to mess with both, third wheels when they start to get all romantic in front of them and often interrupts them to ruin the moment, but when they feel like it, they'll just stand back and see the lovely couple in front of them, maybe they deserve it from time to time.

The Goat basically lives with them, they destroyed their own universe seeking for revenge, only to find out after killing everything that that wasn't gonna bring their kin back, so they went to find what they were missing, traveling to another universe to find this answer.

Only to find their alter version making out with their own version of TOWW.

They lived in the cult for a while, living the results of what their life would've been like if they had taken other choices... And before they knew, they found comfort, familiarity, calmness, they even found love in this version of Shamura, can you believe that? Shamura! That spider was the Goat's TOWW, but here? They were a far kinder version of his own Shamura, just as stunning, a bit easier for their mind to get lost in memories, but they found out that they didn't mind holding their hand while helping them remember.

Shamura is just a silly little guy / gn.

They love to tease their siblings, they always win on board games, they love to read to the kids on the nursery, they show their love to the Goat by trapping them in spider web.

But if you see them acting weird, don't follow them, they may be trapped in a memory of their Bishop days, just let their siblings handle it.

All it took for Leshy to fall in love was a flower, Theon was new to the cult, so Leshy being down bad offered to be the one show him around the place. He was the one who offered Theon to be part of the gardeners and taught him everything he knows about plants. Leshy fell first, Theon fell harder. You'll have a better chance to find Leshy not making a mess than to find the cat not following him around everywhere.

Also, Leshy's flower is indicative of his mood and health.

They have their own abomination baby (Put that Transmasc Leshy drug in my veins)

Heket's been dating Forneus since she was still a Bishop, but hid this from her siblings because she knew they were going to try and embarrass her in front of her wife at any given chance. However they had to take a break when Shamura took Aym and Baal away, Forneus didn't blame Heket for it, but it was hard to look at her.

After the Lamb resurrected the kittens, they dragged her to Forneus to make up and make out, and so they gave it another chance. Heket is a good step-mom to Aym and Baal, she's the parent that stepped up frfr.

Heket rules the kitchen, that's her domain, not even the Lamb has a say there, don't test her or you'll be tomorrow's dinner.

Kallamar, dear Kallamar, a total diva, he loves his jewelry and putting some make-up on when the day looks like it'll be a chill one. Has 6 spouses and he makes sure to give love to every single one of them, he doesn't even have a favorite! I mean, just because Witness Astaroth gets more time and gifts than the rest of spouses doesn't mean they're the favorite, of course not!

Refuses to date cats because he's special, unique and out of the mold that his younger siblings are.

Also, Ratau and Red Fox are ex-boyfriends because I can't live without some toxic yaoi, even less if it's old men yaoi.

[prythianpages]

Azriel x Valeria (Rhysand's Sister OC) | "Some nights are still, I close my eyes and picture me and you."

(An edit based off this series & inspired by Orlando, Kilu's You're Everything bc the lyrics just screamed Val & Az to me. I've always pictured Anya Chalotra as Val in my head. Also, read below for spoilers on the series. Warning that these spoilers will not make sense if you haven’t read the series and that this series is not completed & currently on hold.)

a/n: Idk if anyone remembers this series or cares but I think about Val from time to time & it breaks my heart that I didn't get to finish her story. I didn't even get to the part that inspired this series. Stupid writer's block. Anyway, this is what I had planned for part two & thought why not share it. Warning this is a draft/summary of a plot so things are not finalized and may be confusing.

Val emerges from the blood rite as an Oristian. She almost made it to the top but when she saw Damien (Lord Devlon's son, the one who hurt her in the past and the one who Azriel threatened) being attacked on the mountain, she chooses to save him. It's kind of a moment of pity but also one of spite because he'll have to live with the fact that he survived the blood rite thanks to her (because all Damien attributed to her was just “another pretty face”)

Of course, this is ground breaking because she is the first female to achieve such a title (and maybe not so realistic in terms of canon stuff but ya know what, that's the beauty of fanfic lol.) But for her, this moment proved that she was worthy of fighting for her court.

This doesn't settle well in the Night Court. I imagine that Prythian is not so accepting of having such a powerful female and in this series, Rhys's dad is an asshole to her. So he throws a ball for her to celebrate her achievement but it's really her engagement party in disguise. He's marrying her to the Night Court's general, who is cruel and set on "taming her." Because now she is engaged, her father forces traditional expectations on her to keep her from “stepping out of line” with her power and also to quiet down rumors that she may be the heir the Cauldron chooses (and not Rhys.)

Az, Rhys, and Cas are pissed. With the upcoming war, they make their own plans to kill off the general so Val doesn't have to marry him. Meanwhile, Val & Az are still sneaking off. During this time, Val begins to understand her powers more and more, which is astral projection. Her powers were always connected to the moon and I really liked the idea of her being able to leave her body and wander off into some kind of spiritual realm and enter other people's dreams. (I was also going to mess more with portals/astral projection here but I wanted to read CC & TOG first for more context on portals.) However, at this point, she doesn’t realize she’s trying to astral project. Az does find her right when she’s on the verge of succeeding in her first astral projection and he freaks out because her body is unresponsive. He essentially calls her back to her body & they’re both confused as to what the hell happened. Az chooses not to question it, too distracted in his relief that Val is okay and was just in a “deep slumber.”

Val and Az do eventually get caught by Rhysand that goes a little like this. The mating bond has already snapped for them (any guesses when lol) but they were pretty much in denial for their own reasons. Az didn't think he was deserving of Val as his mate. Val was scared that Az only felt something for her solely because of the bond and not because he actually loved her. They do address the bond and their feelings.

Nothing changes much in terms of their relationship. They still keep it a secret, only difference is that now Rhys knows. Things are tense between Rhys & Val. I was planning on mixing canon here with the war and Valkyries dying, which leaves Val devastated. Val's fiance also dies and it's revealed that this had been the High Lord's plan all along. He wanted to get rid of his general but in a sneaky way to avoid conflict in his court so he arranged Val to marry him, knowing one of the bat boys would take care of it. (I was planning on writing a scenario where all 3 of them had their plans to kill him off like poison, targeted attack, etc and it's not clear as to which was the plan that actually killed him. Funny part here is that this is something they kept from each other but Az ends up finding out and has a small laugh at that.)

Val's dad suspects something going on between Az & Val. He sends Az on a triggering mission and then gives Az a warning to stay away from Val or else. Az realizes Rhys had been right all this time. That the High Lord would use their feelings for one another against each other so Az decides to distance himself. He ultimately breaks Val's heart for the sake of keeping her safe and things go downhill from here between them.

The war is still going on. Rhysand gets kidnapped by Amarantha (I already forgot who it was he had gone to save? I think it was Jurian? only to get captured.) When Val hears this, she goes to rescue him and reluctantly works together with Az. The war ends shortly after but Val is still giving Az the cold shoulder.

I had a headcanon that somewhere in this timeline, Rhys and Val go to the Bone Carver. Rhys sees either Feyre or Amarantha & Val sees Tamlin (I made this choice based off this theory that the Bone Carver shows you someone related to your death/near-death.)

Anyway, Prythian is trying to move on to a period of peace after the war. Tamlin & Rhysand become closer to one another. Val's mom notices the distance between Az & Val so she takes it upon herself to do something about it. She insists on Val taking her to see her friend one day and they end up at Rose Hall to visit Azriel's mom. Az just so happens to be there too. Things are tense & awkward. Az and his mom end up having a talk once Val and her mom leave: “Why do you deny yourself happiness, my son?” “It’s complicated.” “tell me…is she worth fighting for?” “Yes.” he answers without hesitation. “Then fight for her.” His mother says, encouraging him not to give up. Something along that.

Amarantha is still lingering around Prythian and I wanted to write about her pursuit/interest in Tamlin. This pisses Rhys off and Val steps in to help, which then makes Azriel jealous. After pining and groveling from Az, him and Val reconcile.

Another headcanon I had was that Val's mom always knew Val & Az were endgame. So just as she had made dresses for Rhys's mate, she made many for Val. She even made mating ceremony outfits for Val & Az.

Val & Az make a plan to basically elope/accept their mating bond. They set a date & make private arrangements with a priestess.

Meanwhile, as Rhys and Tam grow closer (and also Val but on her end, it is all platonic), Tam's dad does not like it. I was still going to follow canon, where he plans to target/kill Rhys. But the sons of spring find Val & her mom instead so they attack them. They kill Val's mom first. This is where I had planned for Tamlin to save Val from dying (was still debating on two possible scenarios so I'll just leave it at this.)

I had also planned for him to use his shape shifting abilities (as far as canon goes, he is only able to shift others into animals but I've always been curious how Feyre was able to shift into Ianthe so I feel like this is part of his power that he keeps secret) to shift Val's appearance to keep her safe from his brothers. He also helps her hide somewhere for the time being.

Angst comes in because this all happens right before the private mating ceremony Val & Az had planned. They are all devasted when they find Rhys's mom's head in the river. All they find of Valeria is one of her belonging's so they go Spring Court for revenge. Tamlin's family gets killed. Rhys is too enraged to hear reason, his dad goes on to kill Tamlin's mom. Az is also there but his priority is to find Val because he thinks they have her held captive. He doesn't find her in time but he can still feel the mating bond. He goes crazy trying to search for her.

Weeks past and no sightings or news of Val. Until one night, he no longer feels the bond at all and completely breaks down.

Meanwhile, Val is going through a period of grief from losing her mother & starts to blame herself for it. She doesn't want to face Rhys because she feels like she failed him in keeping their mother safe. Tamlin allows her to stay with him for as long as she needs (he’s also grieving loss of his family.) Val is still disguised as a different fae. So she starts to explore her astral projection powers more, wanting to find answers. This is where she learns she can travel through a spiritual realm. She reunites with Noctis & her mother, who warn her not to stay in this realm for too long as time passes differently there.

Val also learns that through this spiritual realm, she can travel & visit others. So she visits the Night Court & finds Azriel. She touches him, hoping he can feel her but he doesn't. She then finds herself slipping into his dreams just to see him again.

Azriel begins to dreams of her a lot. He finds himself sleeping more just to see her again. One night, he wakes up to find the piano playing itself–a love ballad. One that Val wrote for Azriel. He thinks this is the way of the house of wind comforting him but his shadows pick up on a presence. (In reality, it's Val trying to communicate with him through the “spiritual” realm.)

So in summary, Val's powers were portal/astral projecting and she's able to slip into other's dreams or visit them (kind of like ghosts? I guess. How you may feel a presence but sometimes, you don't necessarily see them.) That is where part two ends because I had planned for a part three...Though part three wasn't as extensively planned as part two, it was going to focus on Val finding her way back to herself (bc her soul does get lost from astral projecting too much) and realizing so much time had passed.

She's still in Spring but I was torn between having her come back prior to ACOTAR events or somewhere during. Tamlin had vowed to keep Val safe because he blames himself for what happened. If this were to happen prior to ACOTAR, I planned to include Lucien, more Amarantha and her meeting Feyre.

If this were to happen during ACOTAR events, I pictured Tamlin keeping Val safe in a locked room (using magic to keep her body preserved, I dunno, I didn't think this far lol.) Lucien & Feyre grow curious about the room but it's Feyre who sneaks her way in and sees an unconscious body. Tamlin lies and tells her it's his sister or some relative. Feyre lets this slip to Lucien who calls Tamlin out because he knows Tamlin never had a sister or living relative that he’s close to. When Val does “wake up” from her astral projecting, tensions rise between her and Tamlin when she asks for him to release her of his magic and let her look like her again. All she wants to do is go back home. But Tamlin tells her it’s not safe.

Either way, I planned for Val to meet Az again but he doesn't recognize her because she doesn't look like Val. Though, he feels something deeper between them & from his pov, he freaks out because he recognizes a pull. He fears what this means for him because he thinks this is the Cauldron's way of telling him Val is dead. (So insert more angst here because Val & Az went from friends to lovers to “enemies” to now “strangers.”)

Eventually, Tamlin does release Val from his magic. She looks like her again and wastes no time in going back home where she reunites with Rhys, Cas, Mor & Az.

 She decides to winnow to the Sidra, knowing someone would sense her "intrusion" to Velaris. And within seconds, a winged figure lands behind her. Azriel. He pales like he’s seen a ghost and falls to his knees, tears welling up in his eyes. He thinks he’s hallucinating. “Val?” He breathes.

“I’m sorry I missed our mating ceremony.” She replied with tears in her eyes. “I got held up.”

and Val & Az have their happy ending <3

Sorry this was a lot. I do hope I can eventually finish writing Val's story. I don't know how to explain it but even though I wrote this, I'm having trouble reconnecting with this series. If this doesn't make any sense, I'm sorry and I'm open to any questions. Just thought I'd share the plans I had for this rather than keeping it to my google doc.

[uceyliyahh]

NOVACANE

Summary: After dealing with a traumatic event in Desiree's past life she decided to keep her heart closed off and didn't have any desire to love again until she met him.

smut warning; it’ll come in the story randomly so PLEASE, PLEASE look out for it I’m not really good at writing ✍🏽 smuts but I’m improving at the moment.

word count: 6513

Jey Uso x Desiree

AWFUL GRAMMAR IM GETTING BETTER I SWEAR LOL.

comments, likes, repost are appreciated I would love the constructive feedback in what area I need to approve in. 🤍

ALSO! I don’t not want nobody stealing my fanfics or take it as theirs that will be an issue fasho so keep it cute respectfully.

I only own my OC along with the make up scenarios

But I’ll be writing along the way since this story is in my drafts on Wattpad right now so yuh. 💁🏽‍♀️

TAGS ⬇️ lmk if you wanna be tag 🏷️@pinkwithhearts @420days @jstarr86 @empressdede @angiedawn02 @biancasreign

@bebesobrielo @skyesthebomb @aikosilo @papireigns-05 @punksyeet @paigereeder @magnificentbouquetmusic

@hunnidmilly @celesteheartsjey @charmed-dreamssss @fearlesschimera @partypoison00 @mselenalovebug @bloodlinesbabe93 @luvrsluxe @4milly @xbriexx @trippinsorrows @yyaktayak

Ø3

"I love you and only you,"

"I'm not like him, I am way more different from him,"

"Imma take care of you princess,"

"You Belong to me,"

OMNISCIENT Desiree found herself longing for Jey more and more each day as he traveled the globe for his wrestling tour. With every new experience he shared, she couldn't help but wish she were by his side, exploring the world together.

He would reach out to her through calls, texts, and even share pictures, and she reciprocated in kind. Desiree found herself reflecting deeply on their conversation from the other night when he visited her.

'I'm committed to staying by your side, ready to offer you the reassurance and love you truly deserve, if you allow me to.' This thought echoed in her mind, a reminder of his desire to love her in the way she needed after all she had been through. She found herself uncertain about whether she was prepared for that level of commitment because of her past experiences. However, Jey proves to her daily that he is not like Jayden; he is truly different.

At the workplace, the dynamics have shifted significantly. Ke'Liyah consistently shot disdainful looks at Desiree, spreading rumors that labeled her as desperate and promiscuous for her inability to maintain a relationship. However, Desiree remained unfazed by the negativity. She confidently asserted herself, ensuring that everyone knew she wouldn't tolerate such disrespect.

It was beyond her control that a striking Samoan man like him fell for her the moment he stepped through that door. When Bianca called, she shared every detail of the whirlwind of emotions and events that had unfolded since they left the house.

Bianca felt a surge of joy for her best friend and offered to fly her out to one of their house shows, ensuring she could spend time with Jey.

OTP Binky💗: girrrl you're goin to see me kick some ass out there! Desi🫶🏽: yeah I can't wait either I would always watch it on TV but not in person Binky💗: I know you wanna see yo' man Desi🫶🏽: he's not my man B Binky💗: girl that man loves you why don't you give him a chance? Desi🫶🏽: because I don't wanna just jump into a whole new relationship you know? After dealing with...Jayden Binky💗: I understand honey, but don't scare him off he seems genuine like I know the twins for a while now sis Desi🫶🏽: I hear you B, I hear you

Desiree took the time to meticulously pack all her belongings and ensure everything was in order before calling an Uber to the airport, guaranteeing that she wouldn't miss her flight.

Binky💗: you like Tennessee so far? Desi🫶🏽: yes I do honestly they have some good food and places down here to shop Binky💗: I agree Desi you got a Uber to the airport? Desi🫶🏽: yes and I'll be there Binky💗: text me when you arrive okay? Desi🫶🏽: kk

CALLED ENDED

Desiree noticed that her Uber driver was just two minutes away as she made her way downstairs with her small suitcase in tow. Despite the rain, she was grateful to have her hoodie on hand for such weather.

Jey was completely unaware that she was planning to surprise him, an act that was out of character for her. It was as if he was bringing out a side of her that she had long kept hidden from the world, allowing her to embrace her true self in a way she never thought possible.

Well except her best friend of course

For him, everything felt different; she would never make the effort to see a man she missed. As she arrived at the airport, she picked up her luggage and made her way inside the terminal to board her flight.

She informed Bianca that she had arrived at the airport and was just about to pick up her ticket for the flight to Cali, where they would be attending Monday Night Raw later tonight.

As she strolled toward the gate where the plane awaited, she settled onto a nearby seat, her book bag slung comfortably over her shoulder. Pulling out her iPad, she immersed herself in creating designs for her tattoos, a perfect way to pass the time before her flight.

Desiree embarked on her first day as a tattoo artist at the shop, and the customers were immediately drawn to her unique designs, particularly her Samoan artwork. Her deep admiration for Samoan culture shines through in her creations, which is why she felt such a strong connection to Jey's body art, appreciating the stories and meanings behind each piece.

She would never consider doing this for Jayden, especially since they are no longer together. Despite receiving threatening messages from unknown numbers, she consciously decides to ignore them.

"Flight B12 will be boarding now flight b12 will be boarding now from Tennessee to California,"

Desiree quickly gathered her belongings as she stood in line to board the plane. After her ticket was scanned, she made her way inside, relieved to find that her seat was unoccupied. This fortunate arrangement allowed her to enjoy her journey without any interruptions.

As she settled into her seat, she tucked her book bag between her legs. The familiar buzz of her phone in her pocket caught her attention. When she pulled it out, a smile spread across her face as she noticed a text from Jey.

IMESSAGE 💬 Joshua💵: hey mama Desiree🦋: hey Joshua💵: what you doing? Desiree🦋: I'm just busy on my iPad rn hbu? Joshua💵: in my locker room, thinking about you I miss you Desiree🦋: if I'm being honest I miss you too, I never missed someone this much Joshua💵: you'll get to see me soon mama Desiree🦋: I hope so Joshua💵: we can handle long distance together imma prove myself to you everyday Desiree🦋: okay but I gotta go I'll ttyl Joshua💵: aight mamas

Desiree activated airplane mode on her phone just as the plane prepared for takeoff. She slipped on her wireless headphones, selected her favorite tunes, and reclined her head against the seat, allowing her eyes to gently close.

⋇⋆✦⋆⋇ Desiree booked a nearby hotel and informed Bianca of her arrival, mentioning that she was on her way to the arena to see them. Understandably, she felt a wave of nerves; this was her first time attempting such a surprise for Jey.

It hasn't been long since they last met, so why wouldn't she take this opportunity? Dressed in a stylish black crop-top and relaxed baggy jeans, along with her favorite slides, Desiree glanced in the mirror and admired her reflection. She felt confident and ready for the night ahead, applying a touch of lip gloss and rubbing her lips together to achieve that perfect "pop" effect.

biancabelairwwe replied to your story: Can't wait to see you girly uceyjucey replied to your story: where you goin mama? y2kjayden replied to your story: man you're such a whore where you heading to now? I think in I'm that area ke'liyah replied to your story: finna go steal someone else's man?

Desiree simply rolled her eyes at the responses from Jayden and Ke'Liyah. She refused to let their negativity affect her. Taking a final glance in the mirror, she then checked her phone and noticed that her Uber driver was in route.

She had never felt more confident for a man she had just met, even though he was encouraging her to embrace her true self. Just as she was about to leave, her phone buzzed with a notification that the Uber driver had arrived. With a quick grab of her purse and house keys, she stepped out the door, ready for the adventure ahead.

Desiree climbed into the Uber driver's car, ready for the ride to the arena.

Desiree arrived at the arena, her excitement palpable as she noticed the lengthy line stretching ahead of her. Grateful, she thanked the driver before stepping out of the car. As she approached the building, her eyes were drawn to the vibrant array of merchandise and championship belts displayed all around her.

She aimed to find something that symbolized Bianca and Jey, so she chose to purchase their shirts as a way to show her support. After acquiring the shirts, she joined the line to have her ticket scanned.

She navigated the security line and quickly sent a text to Bianca, letting her know she had arrived.

IMESSAGE 💬 Desi🫶🏽: hey I'm here Binky💗: hey! I'll come get you, you ready to see me and your man whoop some asses tonight? Desi🫶🏽: one last time B he isn't my man Binky💗: if he wasn't then you wouldn't be here right? see he's getting you out of your shell Desi Desi🫶🏽: whatever you say I'm just here to support you Binky💗: you're in such denial about him 😭😭 Desi🫶🏽: I'm not in denial Bianca �� Binky💗: you say that now and then the next you'll be all over him I know you Desiree Desi🫶🏽: what the fuck ever Bianca let's stop talking about him and come get me 😒 Binky💗: aight aight calm down I'm down the hallway you should see me waving my hand at you Desi🫶🏽: kk

Desiree scanned the room and spotted Bianca, who was enthusiastically waving and beaming with joy. With a warm smile, Desiree made her way over and enveloped Bianca in a heartfelt embrace.

"Finally I get to see you, you know it's so boring at home," Desiree said.

"Hey, I'll be home after this tour, maybe Jey will be home too," she teased as Desiree nudge her in her arm.

"What??? I'm just saying,"

Desiree sighed dramatically as they strolled backstage toward her locker room. Along the way, she noticed numerous wrestlers preparing for their matches or chatting with friends, creating a lively atmosphere that buzzed with excitement.

As her gaze swept the room, she searched for Jey, longing to see him, to embrace him, to kiss him—she missed him deeply. Bianca observed that Desiree's attention was drifting away from their conversation, her eyes scanning the surroundings instead.

Bianca knew that Desiree had falling for Jey but didn't want to admit it due to her past, "If you're looking for Jey his locker room is down the hallway," what Bianca said had caught Desiree off guard blinking her eyes a few times before she could process what Bianca just said.

"What?" Desiree said.

"I said if you're looking for Jey his locker room is down the hallway." she repeated.

Desiree shook her head, "I'm not looking for him, let's go to your locker room B," Bianca chuckled at her as they went towards her locker room.

⋇⋆✦⋆⋇

DESIREE I found myself in Bianca's locker room, captivated by the intense match unfolding between Jimmy Uso and Solo. The two competitors bore a striking resemblance, almost as if they were brothers or closely related to Jey. As I watched, Jimmy delivered a stunning superkick right to Solo's face while he clung to the ropes. The impact was electrifying, and moments later, Jimmy unleashed another superkick, sending Solo tumbling over the ropes in a dramatic fashion.

The match turned out to be quite captivating, and I couldn't help but wonder if I would spot him in the crowd tonight. As I watched the action unfold, I noticed a figure in a black hoodie attacking Jimmy, delivering punches and kicks. It was a shocking moment that added an unexpected twist to the event.

I sensed that something was about to unfold as I watched them surround Jimmy, the sound of his music echoing in the background. Suddenly, there he was, emerging from the gorilla, charging into the ring to assist Jimmy.

I was completely captivated by his remarkable looks and graceful agility in the ring; it was hard to believe that this was his career. After unleashing a flurry of devastating super kicks to their faces, they all hurriedly exited the ring, doubled over in agony.

As the show transitioned to a commercial break, an overwhelming desire to visit him surged within me. Yet, I couldn't shake the thought that he might be preoccupied with other matters. Just then, the door creaked open, and in stepped Bianca, her appearance a whirlwind of sweat and fluster.

"Damn girl, who you been fighting?" I said.

"Miss Tiffany and Nia girl, they're so annoying," she said.

"I believe I spotted Jey heading into his locker room; it might be a great idea for you to go surprise him." But then again, how could she know what I was thinking? A wave of anxiety washed over me as I wrestled with my doubts. 'What if he doesn't want to see me?' 'What if there's someone else with him?' My mind was racing with all these unsettling thoughts, and Bianca seemed to pick up on my unease.

"Desi, enough with the overthinking! Just go see him," I said with a sigh, grabbing my purse and phone as I made my way to his locker room.

While making my way to his locker room, I unexpectedly collided with someone, landing squarely on my backside and gazing up at the individual.

"Oh my goodness I am so sorry, let me help you," Trinity said as she helped me up.

I brushed myself off and quickly offered my apologies for colliding with her. She smiled and reassured me it was no problem, but there was a spark of recognition in her eyes. "You're Desiree, aren't you? Bianca's best friend?" she inquired, and I confirmed with a nod.

"Yeah? And you are?"

"I'm Trinity, you the girl Jey has been raving about all week." It brought a smile to my face knowing he brags about me to his friends. We exchanged a handshake before diving into our conversation.

I mentioned to her that I was visiting Bianca and Him today to show my support before returning home for work, only to discover that she was Jey's sister-in-law.

She escorted me to his locker room and embraced me warmly, knowing she had an interview to attend shortly. Once Trinity departed, I knocked on his door, my heart racing with anticipation. I felt a mix of nerves and excitement at the thought of seeing him again after several months apart.

I could hear soft footsteps approaching the door, and as it swung open, I found myself staring up at him. Jey looked effortlessly amazing, his shirt absent and revealing his striking tribal tattoos. He wore black yeet sweats that perfectly complemented his laid-back style.

Including his Cuban link sliver chain over his neck, I could smell his cologne which smelt so good he had a smile appearing on his face before pulling me in for a hug.

"Mamas? What'chu doing here girl!" Jey exclaimed as he gave me a bear hug.

As he pulled me into his locker room and closed the door, I instinctively wrapped my arms and legs around him. He kissed my lips softly several times before gently setting me back on my feet, his hands firmly gripping my hips.

"Surprise, I came to see you," I said.

"You? Came to see me? That's new mama, I guess I am doing something right," he said as we began to chuckle.

I relaxed my shoulders, feeling a wave of relief wash over me as all my concerns and doubts about his happiness vanished in an instant. "So, where are you staying?"

"I'm staying at a hotel right now at the moment why?" I asked.

"Imma come see you so we could spend time with each other tonight if you're free," I truly missed him, and reconnecting would be the ideal way to make up for all the time we lost while being apart.

I felt a rush of excitement as his hands glided down to my backside, gripping me tightly and sending shivers through my body. With my arms wrapped around his neck, I gazed deeply into his eyes, overwhelmed by the thought, 'How can someone be so perfect? Perfect for someone as flawed as I am?' I leaned in even closer, and he mirrored my movement, our lips finally meeting in a soft, electrifying kiss.

As our lips danced together, I found myself surrendering to the warmth of his embrace. Deep down, I questioned whether I was truly in love with him, even if I was reluctant to acknowledge it. Jey's tongue playfully explored my mouth as he effortlessly lifted me by the thighs, carrying me to his couch.

He gently set me on the couch, positioning himself between my legs, our lips locked in an unbroken kiss.

"Fuck, I missed you so much baby," Jey muttered.

"I did too..." I muttered back, 'did I just say I missed this man?'

The kiss was messy and passionate, his tongue dancing in my mouth as I felt his arousal pressing against me. Jey broke the kiss, his gaze drifting down to the outfit I had chosen for the day.

"Damn, you look good mama, you did all this for me?" he asked.

I shot him an exasperated look, then playfully put my finger to my lips with a smile, "perhaps." Jey responded by kissing me again, this time moving to my neck, which made me let out a soft moan.

A grin blossomed on his face as he firmly yet gently held my throat, showering my neck with tender kisses. I surrendered to the moment, tilting my head back and allowing him to take control.

I whispered his name gently, hoping only he would catch the depth of my longing for him. 'Desi? Are you really letting him in?' 'Calm down,' I thought to myself, torn between the urge to push him away and the desire to keep him close.

His allure was so captivating that it felt like a powerful drug, one I couldn't break free from no matter how hard I tried. I gently traced my thumb along his cheeks, pressing my lips against his, as we lost ourselves in a rhythm that felt perfectly in tune.

As I arched my back in pleasure, I felt Jey lift up my shirt and latch onto my breast, swirling his tongue over my nipple. This man is going to kill me. "Oh my god, Josh, Fuck." As he sucked on my breast, I moaned.

"Shit, come use those pretty lips of yours mama," he pulled away from my breast as I was pulling down on his sweats seeing his dick ready to pop out from his boxers.

I pulled down his red PSD boxers down as his dick spring up hitting me in the face, I don't think it could fit down my throat even if I tried, I grabbed his shaft and began placing kisses on it while gazing up at him.

He was gazing down at me caressing my hair as I began swirling my tongue around his mushroom tip before going down on him, I heard nothing but moans escaping his lips.

Jey threw his head back in pleasure while gripping onto my hair while I felt his hips thrusting inside of my mouth.

I could feel the tip of his dick in the back of my throat causing me to gag on his dick, he pulled out while getting a hold of my chin.

"Take a deep breath baby, relax your throat for me," I nodded my head obeying his words as he kept a hold of my throat and began pushing his dick inside of my mouth.

I relaxed my throat while breathing through my nose taking his length inside of my throat, I moved his shaft up and down continuously swirling my tongue on his mushroom tip tasting all of the saltiness from it.

His groans were like music to my ears, "just like that baby doll, just like that," he groaned as he sped us his pace inside of my mouth.

I held onto his thighs hearing that popping effect going in and out from my mouth while he faced fucked me, this was something I never done before not even with Jayden he would always be picky about things like this.

I could feel him growing inside of my mouth as my tongue glides through his shaft while I was playing with his balls, which caught him off guard but seemed to enjoy it.

I could feel Jey's eyes gazing down at me while I looked up at him with my innocent ones, which caused him to smile at me.

"You so fucking pretty mamas, you gon' let me nut in that pretty mouth of yours?" he cooed as I nodded my head in response.

Jey rolled his eyes in the back of his head thrusting his hips deeper inside of my mouth while tears were flowing down my cheeks feeling snot coming down as well taking him all in.

Feeling his dick twitch inside of my mouth as he continued to thrust and thrust, it felt like I was going to pass out at the moment.

I heard him cursing underneath his breath, "fuck, I'm finna cum," he warned me.

After a few more strokes down my throat I felt his warm semen shoot out inside of my mouth while hearing a loud groan escaping from his lips as his seeds were spilling down my throat.

I swallowed it up tasting the saltiness of it before he pulled away from my mouth.

I could see his chest heaving up and down trying to catch his breath after having that orgasm, I got up from my knees grabbing me a napkin to wipe my mouth.

"Shit, I didn't know you had it like that girl," Jey said before wrapping his arms around my waist.

Desiree push him away now, what are you doing??

Why are you letting him get this close to you??

Jey kissed me on the cheek which caught me off guard as I turned my head looking at him through the mirror, we made eye contact with each other before giving a smile at one another.

"It's nothing special Joshua," I said as I threw the napkin away in the trash can.

"Mmcht, girl you trippin," all I could do was chuckle at him he was so perfect it wasn't fair that he wants to be with someone like me.

"I'm not," I sat down on the couch crossing my leg over while monitoring his movements.

While I was doing that I heard the door knocking as he went to go see who it was, I tried to peek my head from his shoulders to see who was he talking to.

But I just minded my business anyways watching the match on the TV screen before I heard him shutting the door.

That's when I heard him speak, "Hey, mama imma be back aight? Gotta go do this interview segment with my brother," Jey said as I nodded my head seeing him leaving the door.

I noticed that he had left his phone with him my curiosity was getting the best of me and wanted to look through his phone making sure that he wasn't hiding anything or playing in my face.

But I hesitated to get it due to what happened when I looked through Jayden's phone seeing all of those woman that he was texting behind my back.

Go through his phone Desiree

Do it

I grabbed his phone noticing that his phone had a passcode on it, 'damn it,' that's all I could think about I couldn't get into his phone.

Would he even let me look through his phone if I asked?

I placed his phone back to where it was while keeping myself occupied.

⋇⋆✦⋆⋇ I returned to my hotel room after spending some time at the arena catching up with Bianca. I truly missed my best friend and can't wait for her to come home after the tour. In the meantime, I was enjoying a delicious meal I ordered from the hotel menu when I suddenly felt my phone vibrate.

Upon picking it up, I noticed a message from Jey, and a smile spread across my face as I replied to him.

IMESSAGE 💬 Joshua💵: mama wya? Desiree🦋: I'm in my hotel room Joshua💵: lemme' come slide through Desiree🦋: Joshua... Joshua💵: what? C'mon mama I'm tryna see you before you leave Desiree🦋: we seen each other Josh Joshua💵: so? Why do you keep doing this baby?

God I love it when he calls me baby

Desiree🦋: because I don't understand what do you see in me Joshua💵: let me see, you're beautiful, talented, caring, soft spoken, loyal, do I need to add some more? Desiree🦋: nah you good Joshua💵: then what's the word?

Fuck, fuck, fuck, what am I going to say?

Desiree🦋: what are we going to do if you come over? Joshua💵: you know mama, I'm tryna spend some time with you girl Desiree🦋: alright I'll send you my hotel room number Joshua💵: bett see you in a little bit

Shit Desiree you gotta put on something cute for him

Wait don't do that you look good enough in your baggy sweats and tank top

I glanced into the mirror, checking that my hair was just right for his arrival. With him coming over, I couldn't help but wonder about his intentions for the evening. Was it just a casual encounter, or did he have something more in mind?

As I made my way back to bed, I switched off the lights in the room, leaving only the bathroom light on for safety. I picked up my iPad and started creating fresh tattoo designs for my clients, eager to showcase my work when I return home.

While creating tattoo designs, I found myself imagining how they would appear on Jey. The thought of inking him crossed my mind, but I doubt he would actually allow it.

I was engrossed in drawing on my iPad, as I often do, while a show played in the background on the TV. However, my thoughts kept drifting, particularly fixated on the idea of going through his phone.

I have to find out what's inside so I don't come off as foolish for someone who doesn't want me. Perhaps I could quietly access it while he's asleep by using his Face ID.

Or you could just ask Desiree I'm sure he'll give it to you without hesitation

As I was lost in my thoughts, a knock at the door jolted me from my bed. I quickly got up and pulled back the curtains, revealing Jey's car parked in the lot outside.

Damn he came here fast

As I glanced through the peephole, I spotted him standing there, hands tucked casually in his pockets. I swung the door open, and the moment our eyes met, a smile blossomed on his face.

Jey's gaze swept over my body, taking in every detail from head to toe. As I welcomed him into my hotel room and closed the door, I stood with my arms crossed, observing his every move. He always manages to look incredibly attractive whenever he approaches me.

He sat down on my bed waiting for me to come near him before speaking, "You just gonna stand there or bring yo' cute ass over here?" he said as I slowly walked over towards him getting between his legs.

I sensed his hand reaching for my waist, drawing me onto his lap and compelling me to turn and face him, his grip on my hips steady and assertive.

I couldn't help but roll my eyes at him as he stared up at me, his lips glistening from where he had just licked them. It was enough to make me turn my gaze elsewhere. 'Honestly, I can't tolerate this.'

"What? Why you keep looking away mama?"

I don't wanna admit to him that he makes me feel so wet and horny right now

"It's nothing Josh, don't worry about it," I said while he got a hold of my chin placing a soft kiss on my lips.

As our lips met, a natural rhythm took over, and I instinctively draped my arms around his neck. In a seamless motion, he shifted our positions, leaving me lying back on the bed with him hovering above me.

His strong hands intertwined with mine, which felt so small in comparison, as he positioned himself between my legs. I could feel his tongue exploring my mouth, and in that moment, I realized I had never felt such comfort with a man I had only met a few months prior.

Jey broke the kiss and started to trail kisses down my neck, asserting his claim on me. He lifted my tank top, exposing my perky breasts, and began to tease my nipple with his tongue, swirling it in a way that made me arch my back in response.

"J-Jesus...Josh..." I moaned softly seeing him gazing up at me.

"You miss daddy huh?"

"Yes...I missed..you so..much," I could feel him smirking.

Fuck I just admitted that I missed him

I mean i wasn't lying I did miss him a lot

Jey was so different from Jayden, when I was with Jayden at the time he wasn't this gentle with me he would always be rough but with Jey he takes his time.

As I lost myself in my thoughts, I barely noticed him sliding off my sweats and panties. He drew me closer, his face nestled between my legs, where he began to kiss my thighs and gently explore my most intimate areas, sending delightful shivers coursing through my body.

Jey was kissing me all over, really getting into it, and then he started swirling his tongue around my clit.

the way his tongue was working magic on my pussy right now just made me feel like I was in a trance he was so gentle and genuine with it too, I didn't even flinch when he did as well he kept me in place so that I wouldn't escape but why would I?

This is some of the best head I'm getting right now

He gradually slipped two fingers inside me, thrusting in and out, making me moan while his tongue flicked up and down.

"Josh...fuck..."

"Mhm, look how wet you're for me baby," he muttered.

He was working me over with his fingers and tongue doing the same motion as I held my legs up so that he wouldn't have to feeling his other hand squeezing my right breast, his tongue glided over my glistening folds gazing up at me seeing that I was a moaning mess for him and only him.

That's when I began riding his face and fingers at the same time causing me to roll my eyes in the back of my head while doing so it felt so good feeling my clit being over simulated by him.

Every time he swirled his tongue over my bud I felt a tiny pit go down in my stomach nearing my orgasm, I gripped onto his mullet pushing his face deeper inside of my wet cunt. "D-daddy..." I whined gazing down at him.

"Gon' ahead make a mess on my face mamas, I want it all," 'he was such a sweet talker that's for sure' I could feel his beard getting wet in my wetness right now he was digging his fingers so deep inside of me almost hitting my g-spot so well.

My fingers were gripping onto the bed sheets circling my hips some more matching his movements knowing how he loved it when I did it, feeling him caressing my things as he continued to rack his tongue on my pussy lips

But I knew he wasn't going to let me cum so easily not just yet, he pulled his face and fingers away from me causing me to whine.

"Joshuaa, what the fuck," I cried out of annoyance as he chuckled at me before placing his glistening lips on to mine tasting myself.

"Calm down, little mama, daddy's got'chu aight?" Jey said softly.

Jey pulled down his sweats that hung low showing off the waistband of his boxers along with taking those off too seeing his dick spring up hitting him in his stomach, he stroke his dick before pulling me closer to the edge of the bed.

I saw him rubbing his dick onto my glistening pussy as he gently push himself inside of me hearing a gasp escaping his lips along with me moaning softly, that's where he began rolling his hips pumping his dick in and out of me.

"All of this for me?" Jey purred as his voice dropped a little bit making my pussy turn upside down.

"Yes, daddy, all for you and only you," I moaned while gazing up at him.

I bit the bottom of my lip watching him beat my pussy up he filled me up some good it didn't make sense, I could feel his hands slithering underneath my ass cheeks began thrusting deeply inside of me.

His dick had me seeing stars at this point as I slide my hands down towards my clit looking at him for permission to rub on it, he nodded his head as I wet my I wet my fingers up before rubbing my clit.

"Fuck, you look so pretty rubbing your pussy like that, keep goin for me baby," He praised me as he pummeled my insides.

My breast began to bounce and shake due to his intense thrust that he had going on causing me to throw my head back into the sheets. "Fuckkkk" I moaned gripping onto his biceps tightly.

"Mhmm gimme' that shit," he responded back as he continued to thrust inside of me.

I could feel my walls tightening around his dick as well as a pit going deep inside of my stomach hitting him in his chest to give him a warning, he pulled out from me seeing all of my warm juices squirt onto his chest.

"Got ya' ass squirting all over me huh?" I nodded my head while covering my face feeling embarrassed.

He removed my hands from my face placing as soft kiss on my lips, "don't be embarrassed baby, I love it," that put a smile on my face while pushing his dick back inside of me and began beating my shit in.

He wrapped his hand around my throat pounding into me deeply trying to chase his high like I did as his dick was coated up with my essence.

I could feel his dick gliding over my spot yet again as I wanted to run away from this so badly but I had to be a big girl and take it.

I loved the way his dick was coming in and out of me I could watch that all day if I wanted to, I could feel his dick twitching inside of me while he cursed underneath his breath gazing down at me with his dark eyes.

He leaned down whispering inside of my ear, "lemme' bust one in you mama," god I wish I wasn't on birth control right now I would've let him put a baby in me the way he speaking to me like this.

I nodded my head giving him permission as he continued to thrust and thrust until his movements were getting sloppy.

He let out a guttural moan, feeling his dick fill me up with his warm semen like a volcano, painted my walls so gently. "Fuck, that felt so fucking good," he groaned as he pulled out of me seeing his cum leak onto my beautiful chocolate body.

Jey bent down and planted a few soft kisses on my lips before making his way to the bathroom to tidy up the remnants that lingered on my stomach. As I lay there, my breathing remained calm, eagerly anticipating his return.

He returned with a warm cloth, gently cleaning my stomach and intimate areas before tossing it into the trash. Jey then switched off the bathroom lights and approached the bed where I was waiting.

We nestled closely under the blanket, my head resting on his chest, listening to the rhythmic beat of his heart. As I looked up at him, I gently traced the designs on his tattooed skin, feeling a deep sense of connection.

"Come stay with me," Jey said as I gazed up at him with a perplexed expression.

"What do you mean stay with you?" I asked.

"I'm saying cancel your flight for tomorrow and come stay with me in Atlanta,"

Desiree no you remember what happened last time something like this happened and it went to straight to shit

Don't do this

"Joshua..."

He pressed his lips against mine before I could even voice my objections, silencing me in an instant. Our mouths danced together as they always had, but then he pulled back, looking deeply into my eyes. "Please, mama, I'm serious. I'm not here for games; I want to take care of you," he pleaded earnestly.

Desiree don't. do. it.

"Joshua that seems a bit much don't you think? What will I say to Bianca?" I said.

"I'll tell her myself aight? just let me take care of you mama, you deserve it," Jey is a great man, a very great man at that something that Jayden couldn't be for me.

I didn't know if I wanted to go through this with him despite my past relationship with Jayden and how he wanted me to move in with him it just scared me honestly.

"I'm scared Joshua..."

"Scared of what baby? I'm right here,"

"I wanna take things slowly I've been through way to much just to hop into another relationship you know?" He nodded his head understanding where I was coming from I knew he meant well but If I was going to go through this I had to take things slow.

I am mentally damaged

Mentally exhausted

And emotionally damaged

Jey grabbed a hold of my chin, "I understand princess, we'll take things easy aight just let me prove it," Jey said.

I noticed the seriousness in his eyes; he wasn't joking at all. I nodded in response, and then a smile broke across his face.

I hope I'm making the right decision in this

I pray he isn't like the rest of em or like Jayden in a way because my heart couldn't handle it anymore if he turns out to be them

Fuck what am I getting myself into?

NOVACANE

A/n: Jey is so patient with Desiree despite her being closed off and feeling scared but he's going to prove that he loves her more than anything.

I hope yall enjoy this chapter lmk in the comments below.

STAY UCEY.

[writing-whump]

Inspired by your answer to my last question could you write a fic where Isaiah is like feeling really bad (maybe a really high fever that makes him delirious) with hector as the caretaker taker and he accidentally calls him mom?

If you feel like this doesn’t fit currently in the timeline I’ll wait.

And if you don’t want to write it no hard feelings.

Way too sick

Isaiah sick with a raging fever part 2. Hector as main caretaker. This was such a great prompt, I loved it on the first sight! Just needed to get to a good point, lol.

Isaiah was dizzy.

Everything was twirling, the bathroom tiles creating a nauseating colourful collage.

His stomach wasn't just cramping. No, there were pauses between cramps. This was more like switching between more painful teeth grinding cramps, those that forced up more stomach acid up his throat and those that just made him curl up and take them quietly.

He was tired. His arms didn't hold, his neck didn't hold and everything was so cold and uncomfortable. The wall against his back, the porcelain bowl in front of him digging into his arms. His knees were getting numb from being folded over them for so long.

Isaiah had this thing where he could zone out when the real world became too painful. He learned it during training with father, kept him sane.

He couldn't tell where he was of what day it was. So he retreated into the back of his mind. No point in panicking. This surely had an explanation.

He just had to hold out until it got better. It always did. That's what a wolf's sturdy healing body was for. Taking pain.

What did they plan for holidays? They should go somewhere, it was too warm in Vienna in summer. He should read more poems. They were very meditative and he could always stop and mule over words in times like these...

Something cold on his cheek made him blink. His senses returned to him, swarming him back with nauseating precision. It made him gag immediately, stomach muscles slamming against his ribs.

Hector was there, leaning next to him. "Hey, easy, easy. Deep breaths."

"What-" he gulped, trying to make his scratchy throat to work. "What are you doing here?"

"I live here, duh," Hector huffed at him, amber brown eyes unusually close to Isaiah's face. He could see all the honey and brown hues swiling inside.

Isaiah was even more confused, but his head felt too floaty to decipher the meaning. He slumped to the side, Hector quickly catching him, hand around his shoulders. "Yeah, this is way too high. Arnie get the bath going- Yeah, mild temp not too cold- He would get into a shock-"

Isaiah felt Hector's massive frame underneath him and let go even further. Everything hurt. Hector was too cold and too edgy to lie against.

"I'll give you 'edgy'," Hector grumbled, both hands around Isaiah as he dragged him upward. "Let's not wait, we can start with a shower and wait until the bathtub is full."

Isaiah must have been floating, cause the walls and the ground disappeared as Hector lifted him up. That was nice. Less things to dig into him.

Getting into the bathtub under the freezing water was less nice. He struggled against the strong arms, trying to get out, but Hector pinned him down into a sitting position. "Oi, oi, oi, stop it. Stay still."

Isaiah didn't want to stay still. He was missing a shirt and trembling with the cold. Water was rapidly filling the bathtub and he still had his pants on and Hector was pushing him down - was he trying to drown him?

Isaiah trashed around, trying to get away. What was this? Did Hector finally lose patience, wanting to get rid of him for his betrayal? Did father order this and Hector listened? Did the pack decide this and Hector was executing their will?

Suddenly there was Arnie, both his hands on Isaiah's cheeks. Saying something. Isaiah tried to focus on his little brother's pale face, green eyes wide withe emotion. Lie still, lie still, lie still.

Arnie wouldn't be angry at Isaiah. He wouldn't listen to father or the pack, cause he never listened to anyone. No, Arnie was here so it meant he was safe.

Isaiah relaxed, falling back against the water. Another pair of hands were holding him up, so he wouldn't sink.

***

Hector worked mechanically. 10 minutes in the cold bath. They needed new clothes. He send Arnie to get some of his old ones. T-shirt and boxers, so Isaiah wouldn't be too warm.

He didn't have time to freak out. Isaiah would drown himself if he did.

Hector helped him out of the bathtub, then the pants and socks, drying him up with the towel. Isaiah was too out of it to be scared this time, eyes completely unfocused.

When they got him into the bed, clean and relatively dry, Arnie went to get more of wet towels to wrap around him. That's when Hector let himself slump against the side wall.

Hector knew Isaiah had a lot of forgiving him to do. That Hector needed to win his trust back.

Arnie never gave up on Isaiah the way Hector did. Arnie never doubted him the way Hector did. Never hated him the same way.

Of course that would leave scars. Hector expected- maybe ignored it willfully? Was it not good they didn't talk it over?

The thing was, Hector was sure if they started to talk, they would argue. On the surface they were very different and would disagree on bunch of stuff - from pack size, training regiments to what school was useful and how a wolf should act. But he felt like their hearts were connected. That they both felt how much the other cared.

Hector felt rejected for so long, but it was all an illusion. Isaiah always cared. He looked like he didn't because he cared so much. And Arnie always believed in him with that blind devotion of his.

The only one in the wrong was Hector.

But he never felt so useless and so distrusted as at that moment in the bathtub. Where Isaiah, feverish, out of control, logic and reason fried away, looked at him - recognised him - and trashed in terror.

There was a hollow pit forming in his stomach. Hector buried his hands in his hair, pulling at the strands.

He felt do disgusted with himself he just wanted to crawl into a hole and never come out.

***

Isaiah's breathing was all wrong. Too fast and erratic.

Hector went closer, despite himself. He put a hand over Isaiah's forehead gently.

The fever was a lot better after the bathtub, but now it was climbing again. He opened the window and readjusted the wet towels around Isaiah's ankles and wrists.

His heartbeat was too fast too. Like a small terrified bird, beating in his chest, trying to come out.

Isaiah's stomach gave a loud gurgle, a bubble of air coming up in a soundless burp. His face scrunched up in pain. "Ugh."

"Hey." Hector was torn. He felt incredibly protective, seeing Isaiah this helpless and out of it. He wanted to be close. To guard him, to hold him.

But he also felt like he was too close, too much. That he should get the fuck away if Isaiah could get scared of him.

Arnie told him about what their eldest brother said about stress stomachache that prevented him from realizing he was getting sick. Sobbed himself to sleep right after in the living room, when cleaning it up.

Tonight was really brutal.

Isaiah rolled to his side, face still a mask of pain. He opened his eyes blearily. Then he was heaving, before he could even lift himself up on shaky arms.

Hector sprung up to help him lean over the wet towel at his side, so he wouldn't choke. Isaiah heaved and heaved, but only a clear string of bile came up.

He fell back in exhaustion, breathing all ragged. "Ow, that hurt."

"You are running on empty, man." Hector quickly retracted his hands away, leaning back against the wall.

Isaiah didn't move, but his eyes slowly turned towards Hector. He lifted his hand clumsily to rub against his chest. "Hurtssss."

"Your chest?"

"My hand."

"Hand?" Hector leaned closer in surprise.

Isaiah reached his right hand over to him as if he expected him to see an injury. "Ow."

"Did you hit it in the bathroom or something?"

"No. Broken. More places. Last week."

Hector braced himself against the bed to inspect the hand. It looked completely alright to him. Maybe echoes of the pain? "You are fine now, Zaya, I promise."

"Hurts."

"Okay, you know what?" Hector grabbed one of the wet towels from Isaiah's left ankle and wrapped the hand carefully inside. "Like this. It will get cooled down, is that better?"

Isaiah made a satisfied noise at the back of his throat and gingerly put his hand back against his side. "Thanks."

"Anything else?" Hector said, a little amused at the whining. He had never seen Isaiah like this.

"Head's killing me," Isaiah said with a pitiful frown.

"Go figure. You were puking your guts out for over an hour nonstop." Hector reached for the glass with the rehydration solution Arnie made in preparation. "Think you could manage a few sips of this? Would help a ton with the headache."

Isaiah eyed it wearily. "Can't get up."

"True," Hector said with a sigh. "I'll get you a straw, just wait a minute."

He rumbled through some drawers until he found the colour straws Arnie collected. They never drank alcohol at home or outside, since Hector hated it, but Arnie liked drinking juices and sweet drinks with cool cocktail glasses and straws.

Isaiah didn't change positions until Hector returned, sitting down at the edge of the bed. He helped Isaiah to lean forward a bit to catch the straw between chapped lips and take a two slow careful sips. "There. Careful. If you keep it down, I will give you more." He eased him back to bed, sliding away from it immediately as well.

"Uhm..." Isaiah blinked, eyelids falling heavily.

"Get some more sleep."

"Why are you...so far away?"

Hector scowled then chuckled. He was a hand away, not wanting to crowd Isaiah after the bathroom thing...but the words made something fluttery and heartwarming flood his chest. The blond wolf shifted closer.

Isaiah wiggled out his left hand towards him, fingers outstretched. His eyes looked so much like Arnie’s when he looked up.

Hector clasped his hand with a sigh. "Here. All close, not going anywhere. Sleep."

***

Hector expected the worst to be over after the little whiny, but somewhat coherent episode.

No such luck.

The fever went up again, making Isaiah gasp and shake in his sleep like a leaf.

Hector threw the covers over him at one point, when his teeth started to chatter audibly but Isaiah was kicking them away soon after.

He had to change the shirt he sweat through two times. There was a constant sheen of perspiration on his forehead and neck. A battle Hector wasn't about to lose, wiping it away.

In-between, Hector held Isaiah’s hand, trying to anchor him. The sick wolf trashed around, but the hold calmed him.

When Isaiah turned his head with a whimper, a crease between his eyes, Hector dared to lean closer. He massages the frown gently with his forefinger and thumb, the way he would do for Arnie with a particularly bad migraine.

Isaiah's face relaxed after and he slept a little less fitfully.

It was around 4 in the morning, when Isaiah's eyes opened again. Hector slept in bounds of 20 minutes tops, checking on him, shifting and waking with every little sound or roll.

Isaiah's eyes were open, two big endless pools of dark green. There was something different about them this time. Too smooth and dark, like his pupil wasn't there.

"Mom?"

Hector gasped for breath. The word felt like a punch against his ribs.

"I feel really sick," Isaiah rasped, his look all dull and vacant. "Don't think I can get up."

Hector wanted to let go of Isaiah's hand, flinching away like it burned, but the other man held on to it with surprising force. "Mom. You gotta tell Hex...tell Hex and Arnie not to play in my room, okay? I don't want them to catch this."

His eyes closed again and he let out a quiet whimper. "Dad's gonna be disappointed I can't train with him today. Will you say I'm sorry?"

For better or for worse, Hector couldn't find his voice. He just sat there rigidly, while Isaiah dug his fingers into his hand.

"I was really looking forward to it..."

"Shhhh," Hector managed, brushing the sweaty hair out of Isaiah's forehead.

Isaiah let out a shaky breath, before it evened out.

Hector held his hand all tight for another half an hour, hot little tears dripping onto the sheets.

[d8tl55c]

oh boy !! ! ! ! !!! ! thANK y0u all for the kind words on my last art posts. you all get it and i was/still am so happy about it

as promised, here's some close-ups of the comic for image quality's sake, and other screenshots i rescued from the community whiteboard (and something else)

first up another sketch of mystery gender-ambiguous being. (please send me more name ideas for them if you got one- i like to hear em! (reminder it's the side character that appeared for <10 seconds in AvM Ep. 30))

a few fav scenes

emotional support cwab

they weren't meant for this purpose exactly, but i do have countless "fluffy sticks" loose in my notes and homework sheets from the school years.

papery critter.

even when i wasn't confident in fur or feathers, they helped me practice posing and create some satisfying gradients/flowing poses. (im a sucker for good tail poses) (oh yay! i found a good pic...)

and finally, little sneak peak for you for reading so far ;3

i realized that whiteboardfox is pretty great for my working needs. simple and to the point and all. feels nice with the mouse and the tablet.

so i started hashing out a big project idea just to see if it holds up and

[

several hours later ...

]

oh

oh man

it's a little bigger than i expected

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