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lynlyndoll · 1 year ago

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Apple Cider

genre: fluff, angst, comfort

tw: this may trigger people to cry, especially reader's first part; some type of traumatic childhood

pairing: producer! han x architect! reader

w/c: 4.5k

summary: Maybe is a complex word, that not many people believe in - not even you. However, as time goes, you find yourself asking multiple questions that start with "Maybe", all of them related to the guy who you didn't even like. Maybe he asks the same questions, all of them related to you.

a/n: Hey, I'm freaking back!!! This made me kind of exhausted, since it's the longest fic I've written :)). I advise you guys to listen to Apple Cider by beabadoobee when I start writing some words with blue! Oh and also, I know that, if you know me/my blog, you might actually see the similarities between me and the character i "drew" for Y/N. :) feel free, however, to change the dream job for yourself though, however i made architecture to fit the fic! <3

Many people seem to think finding your romantic soulmate is impossible. People say they are right. That it actually is impossible for human kind to feel something as 'real love', the life people see in movies portrayed as the 'soulmate's love'. Finding the one and only can't be true. But maybe, people are wrong. Maybe people can find the person they are happy with, the person that listens to everything and nothing just for the sake of their lover. Because, afterall, the questions we have that start with a 'maybe' are actually possibilities. Technically, questions shouldn't even start with 'maybe', they should start with 'who' or 'what' or 'where' or 'how', but humans started using 'maybe' for expressing desires that are actually a truth, masked under other people's desires that win over the true facts. Which means, finding your true love might actually be true.

You are one of those people, however. Those people who never ask themselves the question of 'maybe'. You're a person who makes straight up decisions based on what you already know, based on what people say or do, based on experiences that have already happened. You never did because you never could've asked yourself that type of question back in your childhood. The action of doubting something has always been forbidden in your family, the only way of doing things being the ones that were told by your parents. Your childhood wasn't an extreme level of trauma, but it wasn't good either. Your parents weren't severely strict, nor free-range. You were an only child, every single thing your parents wanted from you had to be done at the level of perfection, otherwise you knew deep inside that you would bring your parents down, bringing shame to all of your family. So you knew since you were a child that you had to keep fighting for every single one of their desires, no matter how tired you were. So you did it. You continued living the life your parents wanted, named as the 'Golden Child', having every other child turn against you and your actions because of jealousy. No friends, no real life and no feeling of wanting to continue. But you had to. Your family needed you.

Since you were a child, you realized your problems. Everything that happened caused you a huge self-doubt and hate, anxiety and depression, but you couldn't talk about it to anyone. So you sucked it up and continued. That's the person you are today. Y/N Y/L/N, a current student of architecture in Seoul. You think that being an architect is one of the few things you really have done for yourself, especially, and not for your family’s pride - which has been there, however, because who wouldn’t want their child to have a good job. The architecture trope fits you, though. Your life and sense of rationality made you realize a long time ago that you were made to be one. Your head was full of imagination, full of new and fresh ideas, ready to come out when you let them. However, you were never truly sure about the choices you made, so when something was almost ready, the fear made you overthink and start again. You wanted, no, you needed someone to be there for you in those times, but you had no one other than yourself and your orange cat, Honey.

Another thing about yourself is that you finally realized how much a ‘loner life’ affected you, so obviously you tried making friends. Which you successfully did. It wasn’t a big group - nor could you name it little -, it consists of 3 guys and 2 girls. You met Seungmin in the town, while you were assigned to draw a building that caught your eye from 3 different perspectives. Turned out that he chose the same building for his project, since he was a student as well, majoring in photography. This encounter made you both friends and soon after, he introduced you to his own friend group: Jeongin, a literature student with the want of becoming a teacher, Felix, a cooking student that wants to start his own bakery, Yuna, a fashion modeling student that already caught the attention of a few brands, and Lia, a music student ready to start writing songs. They immediately ‘adopted’ you in their friend group, accepting you as if you were there all along.

It's not as if you only hang out with them. You also hang out with some other friends of their own, such as Minho, Felix's friend, who is also a cooking student. However, they actually met at the dancing classes they both take. There, they have also met Hyunjin, an art major that is somehow friends with Seungmin as well, both of them being in the same art university. He often takes modeling classes as well, but more as a hobby, so he and Yuna are always bickering about the latest fashion trends. Since Seungmin's hobby is baseball, he also has a friend named Chan, who is on his way to becoming a famous athlete and who often plays different sports with his other 2 friends except Seungmin. More exactly Han and Changbin, both of them preparing for a musical career, Han as a song-writer and producer and Changbin as a self-made rapper. You usually would hang out with all of them, however, hanging out with Han was harder. Not that you disliked the boy, but he usually had a not-so-nice attitude towards you, so you acted the same as he did. And that's how your friends tried to never have each other in the same room, the bickering being insupportable. A part of you told yourself that you're doing the right thing, acting the same to hurt him, however, the other part was telling you that maybe he isn’t like that. Perhaps you did something wrong or offended him. You tried not thinking about it, but when you were alone in the dark night buried in your own thoughts, this idea was haunting you.

You liked your life now. Sure, it wasn’t the best, but it was enough. You had great friends and your results were extremely good, meaning that you wouldn't be left without a good job in this domain after graduating. Sure, the apartment you lived in wasn’t probably the greatest. A little bit too old and possibly not the cleanest out of all, but it was just for a few years of college. And maybe you also wanted some action, excepting the lives of your friends or your favorite movie characters, but who were you to whine about it? You used to have some action, until your boyfriend of 1 year and a half cheated on you. You also went on a few great dates - forgetting the fact that after a few dates, you were always stood up - and you went to the bar pretty often with Lia and Yuna, plus a few of their fun friends, Ryujin, Chaeryeong and Yeji, all of them dancing majors. But a real relationship… Nah, and maybe you didn’t even want it. Okay, maybe you wanted it, but who cares? You definitely don't want to have only a fling, so it is way better to not have someone randomly ask you “Wanna come into my apartment?” have a few drinks, have sex and then forget the whole night. It just didn't sit right with you. So, better to abandon the idea and focus on your college life.

“Was life this hard?” a drunken Yuna asks, causing all of your female friends to fall into a drunken laugh.

“Considering everyone’s past…” says Yeji.

“YES!” Lia says, amused.

You're with your friends into the bar all of you have started being regulars at. It's a nice bar, not too full, so it's perfect for 6 deranged women to spend a friday night. Yuna’s boyfriend has broken up with her recently, so all of you went into town to console her. But of course nothing goes as hard as three bottles of soju. You are possibly the only one in the state of walking - not saying that you're not drunk, however - and the one who will call out the boys for some help. So that's exactly what you want to do, grabbing your phone and opening your contact list.

“Have you guys heard about Han?” your head snaps right there, eyes wide. The girls laugh at your confused reaction.

"Heard that…?" Ryujin asks Lia as she was the one who apparently knew everything about it.

"You remember when we heard that he got an interview at some big music company? Rumor has it that they didn’t accept him.”

Your brain starts thinking about him. Han was extremely talented, why would a company decline him and his talent?! This made you angrier than it should have. You wanted to go to whoever was in charge and scream directly in his face, telling him how good of a producer or songwriter Han would make for his shitty company - that, theoretically, isn't as shitty as you think right now, the fury taking over your thoughts. But, of course, you wouldn't do that. Who are you to even want to do it? You're not exactly friends, you're more as acquaintances, so why would you risk it?

After you finally called the boys to pick you and the girls up and after you finally got into your apartment, laying on the bed, you were left with only your thoughts. Many people say that it would make them uncomfortable to only sit somewhere, in the dark, with no one by their side, in total silence, but you like it. You like the safety feeling it gives you. In that silence, you remember the Han gossip, which would obviously go around for at least two weeks, not only between your friends, but also in his university. And you felt bad for him. Like, really bad. He isn't a bad person, you don't hate him, you just… haven't talked with him as much as the others. So obviously, none of you knows each other well enough. Either way, you still don't know why you're feeling so bad for him, afterall he isn’t your friend.

“I’M HERE!”

That’s probably Hyunjin, after the second round of beers for the movie night everyone had. He came with Minho, Yeji, Ryujin and Chaeryeong, plus Felix, who came with Lia, who came with Seungmin and well… Then you, Jeongin and Yuna came. All of you in the 3RACHA dorm, as Chan, Changbin and Han liked to call it. It was kind of a normal-sized and lowkey dirty apartment, that could often fit groups as yours was. The movie night is kind of a regular, you found yourself thinking one day. Once two weeks, during a day of the weekend, you found yourself surrounded by Felix, Minho, Hyunjin, Chan, Han, Changbin, Seungmin, Jeongin, Lia, Yeji, Yuna, Ryujin and Chaeryeong, either on the sofa, either on the floor, for a few hours. You usually watch a movie together and drink, sometimes even gossiping, always ending with the majority already falling asleep there. You always liked these days, always leading to something hilarious, however, this time, you weren't feeling as entertained as you used to. Tonight, it wasn't the whole group. Han was missing. You asked about him when you came, of course you did, but Chan and Changbin said he was in his room. You knocked on his door once, but he didn't answer, so you left him like that. Why would you continue? Why did you care so much? He isn't your friend.

"Hannie" You hear Minho yell at him, knocking on his door. You hear a groan from Han, from his room. You get up from the couch and go to his room, stopping Minho from knocking on the door.

"Min, let Han rest." Your voice was heard and Han immediately opened the door. Minho's eyes widen as a restless Han makes his appearance in front of you. "Hi, Han. Sorry if he disturbed you…" You apologize as his eyes look at both you and him.

He mumbles "No problem…" as he looks at the floor, not making eye contact for none of you to see his tired face. "Sorry for-"

"Don't be." You smile and rest your hand on his arm. "It's alright."

"Thanks…" A smile sketches on his face, a little bit of sparkle in his eyes as you brush your hand on his arm. You were the first person till now who didn't ask him more about the situation, not that the others were bad intentioned, but you just knew that he was going through a rough time, so you just didn't question it. You smile at him again and mumble another sorry, getting Minho out of the hallway, guiding him towards the couch.

Later that night, when almost everybody left the 3RACHA apartment, leaving you the only one to leave, Han left his room.

"Y/N.." He called you, to get your attention. You snap your head in his direction, tilting it in confusion. "Sorry if… If I acted badly towards you, but…" His eyes were shiny, as tears were filling his brown, boba eyes. You immediately wiped his tears off with your hand and smiled.

“Shh, it’s alright. I know that you’re not in the best mood and that it has been hard every day, but I promise to you that someone will discover your talent and will make you a star in the music industry. You’ll be the shiniest star out there because you have a huge talent, Han Jisung.” You interrupted him and smiled. He returns the smile, his pretty and round cheeks still shiny from the tears before. You hug him, shocking him, then saying a little goodbye and leaving the apartment.

Why were you so nice to him? That's a question both you and him put that night. Another question gave Han no peace at all. Why did his heart beat faster when you hugged him? He swore he never felt that tingle in his heart or the way he felt when you hugged him, almost as if he was flustered. He realized it wasn’t just almost, but he in fact did get flustered. Another weird and uncharacteristic Han thing to experience. He sat that night in his bed, not closing his eyes for not even a minute, his whole mind being too preoccupied with the thought of you and only you. You were in the same state as him. Not only that you didn't understand why you hugged him, but you also didn't understand why you felt so comfortable doing it. Or why didn't he fight back? Why did you feel your ears burning as you made contact with him? It was an entire deligma why, your answers never making sense toward yourself. The lack of showing affection in your family didn't make this better for you. One thing, however, was in sync in this mix of feelings and questions. A thing that both of you realized. You actually acted like friends tonight. You cared about him and he cared about you. So why not… try to be friends? Maybe you would actually click.

Han was standing in his room, eyes locked on the computer screen. His ears were already in pain because of the heavy headphones he put on since early in the morning. The apartment was peaceful, his roommates were out of the town and he had the place for himself, however he only stayed in his room. It was already night, his fourth cup of coffee still unfinished as he tried to find the right beat he had in his head. Chan and Changbin knew what he was up to, they knew him and how he probably locked himself in the room, with barely any food and a huge amount of caffeine in his possession.

Ding Dong.

The doorbell rang. He put his headphones on the table, looking around as if the person who rang was in the room with him.

Ding Dong.

This time he was sure someone was at his door. He unlocked his room and went to the apartment’s door, opening the door. And there, right in front of him, was you, with two bags full of food. As if you knew.

“Hi!” You said. “I… brought food.” You smiled and looked at the two bags in your hands. He smiles.

“Come in.” He tells you, helping you with the bags he then put on the counter.

You follow him into the kitchen, opening the bags and displaying all the take out you got - as well as the products you got from the supermarket. He looked at you, with a tiny smile on his face, muttering a thank you every time you looked at him while explaining.

"I… should go now." You smile awkwardly as you finish showing him everything you bought. However, he catches your wrist.

"Don't go… I mean, that's a lot of food and… I won't finish it, so you can have some." He says quite awkwardly, but the genuine look on his face told you that he was telling the truth.

So you stay. You thought that it would be boring or awkward to share an apartment with Han, even if it was for a few hours. However, you talked. Both of you. And when you didn’t talk, you were watching a drama, his head on your lap and your hands in his hair, both of you covered in a huge blanket. As your hands were massaging his scalp, he found himself closing his eyes often from both the feeling of your fingers and the warmth of the blanket. It was an awkward, but warm feeling, something intimate, something that made both of your hearts melt. After not even a few minutes of your action, his steady breath was heard through the silence of the movie. You giggled to yourself as you realized that he was asleep and not long after him, you fell asleep as well, with only one thought flooding your brain. The thought of Han Jisung.

Han woke up in a warm embrace that night. He checked the tv’s clock which said it was 03:25. “Almost 03:30” he told himself as his eyes slowly adapted to the darkness of the room. That's when he saw your face, sleeping peacefully next to him, face buried into his chest. At the sight, his cheeks started to burn, a weird, but cozy feeling filling his tiny heart. Right there, his mind was full of questions. Questions about you and his possible future. Questions about his feelings and questions that started with “What if''s or “Maybe”s.

“Hannie” your raspy and sleepy voice called out for him, your eyes slowly opening to see the man before you already staring at you. To be honest, Han was glad that there wasn’t a lot of light in the room, otherwise you’d see his puffy cheeks get even redder than they already were because of the nickname he oh-so-heard many times, but never from you.

“Agh, Y/N, I-” he wanted to continue, but your arms wrapped around his small waist, getting him even closer than he already was on the tiny couch.

“Go to sleep, Hannie. ‘Night!” Your voice said and he swears he didn't mean to think that, if you were a couple, you'd say that every night. “Han, stop thinking about that!” his mind said, since his heart was already beating fast.

However, after a few tries, he did fall asleep again, in your embrace.

“What should I do?” Han asked both Chan and Changbin, as soon as they entered the door of their shared apartment. As much as they tried to understand the meaning of the question addressed by Han, both of the guys were looking around the apartment with a confused face.

“Why is this place so… clean?” Changbin asked, followed by Chan’s question of “Why does it smell like actual cooked food?”. Han sighed at the amount of questions the boys asked him, all of them having the answer “Y/N”. It would be an understatement to say that the two guys looked shocked. Sure, they asked you to come at their apartment, but-

“She stayed. A few days.” Han answered all their questions with this simple answer. Changbin gave a smirk to his younger friend, getting a disapproving hiss from Han.

“What was the question about?” Chan asks, quite confused.

“Well, Y/N stayed and we… I mean, I felt like… I don’t know, I felt weird. But in a good, warm way. In a way that made my cheeks redden-”

“That we can see” Changbin pointed out, as Han’s cheeks were visibly getting redder with every mention of your name.

“Either way, I’m not sure what I feel-” Han sighs.

“Love” Chan simply answers, shrugging his shoulders, making Han’s eyes widen. “C’mon, mate, you’re a producer and song-writer. Or that’s what you claim to be doing with your life.” He continues, making Changbin approve. “Give me one good reason for you to not consider love as an option.” He challenged Han.

“Well…” He started, but his mind already agreed with every word Chan said. That's when it clicked. The way he found himself thinking of you during his late nights of being awake, wondering how you are. The way he usually thought about you and your comforting words while writing songs. The way all his songs became more related to love. The way he woke up that night with you snuggling into his chest. All of these things made him realize that maybe he actually felt something stronger than he thought at first. All of these things made him wonder whether you’d feel the same or not. Whether things would be the same or even more, if he would have opened up some time ago. Maybe you'd like him too. Maybe you like him, right now, in this universe, not in a world of “What if…”s.

It started with small gestures. It started with little conversations, remembering insignificant things about you, adding your favorite songs into his oh-so-special playlist, hanging out only the two of you or even touching each other’s hands, waist or knees. Then it got to something more, such as small compliments that made you blush. Those hang outs became regular, they became a Han-Y/N thing to do. You haven't realized, at first, but slowly, Han Jisung wasn’t only a friend, he started becoming something more. He became the person you trusted the most, the person who occupied your thoughts most of the time, the person who made you laugh the most and the person who got you. You found out that he didn't have an easy childhood either, that he was also pressured by his family and the criticism he received gave him bad ideas about himself. You found out that everything he wrote for his songs were emotions he felt, emotions that you could relate to as well. You also found out that you were one of the few people he let listen to his music before editing it. He found out about your past and about your fear of not being good enough. He found out that whenever you felt a strong emotion, you’d draw something that reminded you of the emotion you felt at that moment.

Actually, the actual time you realized you were in love with Han was when you felt giddy and excited about life, you drew Han. Without even thinking about him, directly, you drew him. That day, you stood in front of your drawing, listening to your special-made playlist. You thought about him, about the guy who made you feel that you were someone special, someone who deserved to love and be loved.

“Y/N, wait!” Han’s voice was heard behind you, in the silence of the night. You stuck out your tongue as you continued to run, wanting to be the first one at Han and your special place.

Even though it was already freezing and both of you still had courses the next morning, nothing could stop you both from meeting up with a hot chocolate in your hands, admiring the stars from the nearby park.

You look behind and see Han finally arriving, his breathing unsteady from the amount of times he yelled at you and ran at the same time. His cheeks and nose are red, making you smile in adoration of him. He took a seat next to you, handing you one of his airpods and the hot chocolate he bought you. The playlist that once was his, now became your shared one, full of his and your favorite songs.

“We both like apple cider, But your hair be smelling like fruit punch, And I don't even like you that much, Wait, I do, fuck”

This song reminded you of Han, of your situationship and of your feelings. About how-

“Y/N..?” He says, a little above a whisper. You hum in response, turning your head into his direction only to find his boba eyes already looking at you. “I… like your hair.” He said, looking in your eyes as he moved a strand of hair behind your ear. “And… is that the jumper I like?” He smiled slightly as his eyes flickered on the jumper you always knew he adored seeing on you. “I… love talking to you, you know that?” He chuckles as he shifts a little bit closer to you. “And holding your hand is… always making me nervous and giddy and… fuck” He says, his fingers fidgeting.

“And even if we're just friends, We could be more than that”

“And…” He says, finally taking a big breath. “I know you probably only see me as a friend, but I can't picture myself without you and…” his eyes are teary, the emotion within him making him vulnerable only for you to see under the moonlight. “And what I’m trying to say is that I want us to be more than that!” He blurts out, staining his pretty cheeks with tears. So you move closer and put and wipe his tears, locking eyes with him.

“Me too, you pretty and emotional boy.” You say, tears flooding your vision and you immediately go into a kiss. A kiss that tasted as an apple cider, bringing your memories back. The ones back when you didn’t even talk to each other to the ones that happened a few seconds ago. The ones that you put into a special room in your heart, preparing to keep them there for the rest of your lives.

Maybe soulmates do exist. Afterall, you have Han, the guy who understood you the most, sometimes even more than you ever thought you knew yourself. The guy who made you feel safe and loved. He made your doubts go away and now you think- No, you're sure, he is your soulmate. Any "Maybe" that there once was, now is gone and turned into reality.

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theovergrowth · 11 months ago

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Titus Eras

(( this is mainly for thread and plotting purposes, I want to make it easier to interact with Titus throughout his life, ykno? Since I really don’t have one specific version of him in my head all the time. So I figured I’d just lay out all the options, along with each individual eras Playlist linked in the titles! ))

Titus has changed quite a bit throughout his life, certain aspects of his personality ebbing and flowing in how major or minor to how he interacts with the world around him.

Overgrown

(Ages ??-12)

Titus’ childhood, forever colored with golden sunlight, evergreen trees, vast and light blue skies against the mountain range, and later the blood of what he thought were his enemies staining his skin.

It’s human Titus living on the commune, with The Sons, with his father, hidden away from the rest of society within the sprawling mountains of Colorado.

He’s a kind and curious kid, if a bit sheltered and lonely. That rebellious spirit is alive in him however, often sending him past the boundaries of “What is Safe” set by his guardians. He believes in what his people tell him, being far more trusting here than he will be later.

(Or, if it’s a bit later in this era, it’s newly-fae Titus attempting to guide his people as The Overgrowth, tearing through people who happen to come near like a wood chipper through a misplaced hand, fueled by grief and eldritch fury after the murder of his father)

(Re)Integrate

(Ages 13-16)

Titus’ teenage years, brought to the outside world through his defeat as The Overgrowth, separated from his Brothers by people who truly only want what is best for him.

One of these people is his foster father, Gregor Daniels, who he lives with in the small mountain town of Pironbury.

He’s really embracing the rebellious side of himself now, fueled by anger, fear, and frustration both at what had already happened in his past that he couldn’t change and at what was happening now in the present that he couldn’t control.

His identity issues come forward more, as does his fear of trusting and abandonment issues, but there’s less of a fear aspect as there will be later on. This version of Titus believes that the problems facing him are innumerable, but he can get through it with viciousness and grit. Deep down though, he’s still a good kid. It’s a coming of age.

Runaway

(Ages 17-23)

The version of Titus I’ve talked the most on!

After a particularly horrible realization involving The Sons finding Titus in Pironbury, Titus abandons, taking a beat up car (which he later replaces with his van) and hitting the road, constantly on the run from his former Brothers.

Paranoia, guardedness, overwhelming fear and anxiety, pressure, constant movement, and just the crushing isolation of a life without roots are deeply ingrained factors for this period. Titus has learned that Fight doesn’t help him, so Flight kicks in.

But there’s some things that stick with him, even getting strengthened in his mind as this time goes on. Helping others is a big thing for him, as he starts to see more of the world for what it is. Partly, he does it to atone for his actions in his youth. The other part knows he would want help too, knows he’s desperate for it, even if he typically refuses it out of reawakened over-politeness.

Curiousity stays too, sending him on countless adventures as he tries to escape the endless pursuit of The Sons. He meets people, even sometimes chooses to let himself stop and talk to them, but he never allows himself to make friends. He remembers what he did to the last few before he left Pironbury.

He’ll always leave without a real goodbye.

Restart

(Ages 24-early/mid 30’s)

This is Titus when he has learned that Flight only works for so long. He was too tired, and the past just kept coming back.

Technically, Macrides coming back from death and Titus becoming The Overgrowth happen before this era. This period starts when Titus wakes up in a house in Missouri, The Overgrowth is asleep once more, and he cuts all of his hair off.

Love, growth, change, and reflection are all big factors for this period.

The early portion period allows Titus to be a semi-normal 20-something year old dude. He’s still on the road (his friends have a true crime/paranormal podcast they do on-site research for) but he feels a little more stable and free than he did. It’s a process, but he’s learning to be comfortable again.

He’s still very anxious, maybe still a bit paranoid and cagey with details at times, but he tries hard to trust and be more open. He’s seen enough now to know that there are enough good people out there to balance the bad. It’s just about deciding what he wants to be in that equation.

He wants to be better. He wants to change.

But, the past will keep coming back. This time, in a way he’s not quite ready for; the rest of Titus’ archfae ancestors, Macrides’ family, call him to his duties in the Fae Realm as The King of The High Desert.

The Deserts of the Fae Realm are a strange place, whether High or Low. His family, in the High Deserts, live a lifestyle somewhere near royalty in a fantasy novel, while the people of the Low Desert looked more… apocalyptic. And yet, both groups had a strong similarity to something straight out of a spaghetti western.

(This later part would be a bit harder to plot with just because it’s in the fae realm, but Macrides fell into an oasis and ended up in the Mortal Realm we can figure it out if we want to write Silly and/or Terrifying Fae Realm Adventures)

#(( this is part of construction lmao ))#( about. )#( eras. )

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lpfreakification · 2 years ago

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Long Version: 4 coffees + 3 cupcakes later...

Let's start from when feeling super refreshed this morning.

I can tell I was talking in my sleep again. I distinctly remember dreaming of trying to take a phone order. I could only whisper despite my efforts trying to speak up. Once I caught myself sleep-talking, that was when I knew I was dreaming again. There are moments where I can tell that I'm dreaming. That + when the dream feels strangely longer than usual (due to oversleeping +/or technical difficulties with my alarms). I felt super refreshed than these past two weeks. Blame depression? Idk. Idk...

I felt guilty for not watching GDT's Pinocchio like I wanted to on Wednesday. I had the time in the morning to do so with my 1st coffee of the day :)

I could share my thoughts but I mostly wanna talk about work. Basically, very entertaining + captivating X)

After the movie, I played some Super Mario 64 gameplay in the bg as i played with watercolors. I didnt feel satisfied enough with my coffee so i made another. Thru-out the afternoon b4 work, i was painting multiple LP Freaks.

As I was getting ready for a potentially busy day ahead, I was saying to myself,

"Any last words, Perla?"

"Tell Chris + Paloma I'll see them when I get home."

I saw so mentally prepared for today that I thought yesterday was Friday.

I didnt feel like physically dying of exhaustion today at all either. I was able to grab a grande White Chocolate Mocha AND a venti caramel crunch frappuccino from Starbucks b4hand. (Even rn as I'm typing this, I'm like, "Damn Perla! That's too much!")

The time came. Work mode. The very 1st thing I did was set up tables for a group of 20, a group of 14, + a group of 7. Luckily, I was able to request more silverware from our manager bcuz we were short on them again. That was my main concern + it worked out!

Those coffees from Starbucks helped me pulled thru XD A lot of people saw me in action serving food, taking plates out of the way, + cleaning after them. It's like a turn-based battle? A video game. I look the part (super sash + bandana, particularly) + I feel the part (like a bad@$$) X)

Overall, everything went SO smoothly! No issues from deliveries for once, very manageable parties, + restuarant was nicely packed X3 It was strangely peaceful. A very rare feeling, especially on a Friday night o.0 Better yet, it went by so fast!!!

I skip the one customer's pettiness over a dollar difference in wings + go to the part where I got super hyper XD

It was towards the end of the night + I finished last of the frappuccino. I felt myself slowing down.

"No not yet, Perla. No not yet! I cant leave coworker alone with this many people. I need to stay + help. I gotta pull thru."

The group of 20 were offering cupcakes for their party. Heck, they offered me one too. I stood at the bar, in my own little world, happy dancing as I was eating the bluey goodness. (Yep. My teeth are still blue rn as I write this.)

This was revving me up towards a whirlwind of destruction. Destruction... of... plates, napkins, silverware, empty beer glasses + bottles, + pizza pans. It was a dream come true (sort of, but not literally), stealing/taking items out of the way. Kinda like a scavenger hunt. I find an empty plate + boom! Burst of dopamine or adrenaline? Whatever it's called, it gave me a boost of energy XD

"Stealing is fuuunnn!"

With plates in my hands, especially those heavy pasta plates,

"Super strength, super strength, super strength..."

What a mantra X)

When I wipe the tables:

"Let's... wipe to build up hype! Wipe to build up hype!"

Trust me, I have *so many* more work quotes I say X,D

Back to the cupcake. I was doing fast feet in place. All charged up + went hyper-ballistic. (I debated for the rest of the night if that was a real word: hyper-ballistic). The group of 20 saw me in action as I picked up as much after them as I could. I kept running in small circles to release excess energy. I live how my coworkers tolerate that + are so used to it over the years. (If I did that at home, I'd get a "Perla, calm down!" or "Control yourself!" in a harsh tone). Its days like today where I love my day job bcuz I can be me X)

As I took some breaths to calm myself down, i slowed down again. Rats. Luckily, the group said I could have more cupcakes. Heck, they even encouraged me to squish them together into a sandwich. B4 I took the bite I said to them,

"See you guys on the other side."

I took a big bite.

I felt the power within.

The moments I can recall the most was grabbing them boxes + bags, them tipping big, + thanking them:

For coming

For the company

For the cupcakes

For the tips

The rest of the time cleaning felt like a blur. I do remember cleaning but it's like a smeared image.

...

I am becoming one with my inner cartoon.

Oh snap!

I began yawning as I clocked out late at around 10:30.

I drove straight back home safely, stripped, + on the phone for the past hour (aka here rn) :)

I hope everyone else had a good day today too X)

Time for dilly-dally on the phone some more as I fall asleep for the night.

Just in case,

Nite y'all!

#life

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avintagekiss24 · 3 years ago

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Hi! I don't want to start anything on here and am always willing for civil conversations. At this point there's so much I've found out about Seb (besides the video he liked, the tommy lee thing, and the girlfriend thing) that I feel so guilty if I would continue to support him. I love him sm but it just doesn't look good rn. He is associated/follows an organisation (for helping veterans) that has posted a blue lives matter flag picture and who's co-founder has sexual assault allegations against him, and worked with him in 'The last full measure'. His friend Paul Walter Hauser has done blackface in the past, and when called out on it he just listed a few people that also did blackface. There's more, I found a discussion on here that I can link. I seriously don't support "cancel culture" bc I don't think it helps anyone but there are just a lot of 'mistakes' and shady people that can be linked to Seb, I wish it wouldn't be that way. I honestly don't know what to think about it anymore.

Hi! I’m also open to having civil conversations and I don’t believe you’re trying to start anything. I really do think this situation of dragging up a four year old video and taking it completely out of context is harmful not just to Black people, but to fandom/activism in general. This is gonna be long because I’m going to take your points one by one, and I want to preface this by saying that I will not answer any derogatory, sideways asks pertaining to this subject. I will delete every single one and will block your silly ass. I’m not going to argue with people who think I’m blindly supporting Sebastian because I’m just trying to get fucked by him, or people who think I hate myself and am trying to appease some white man.

So, on with the discourse!

The video he liked - this video was taken completely out of context and that is my main issue with this whole situation. It was not a video of a white man saying that he thinks he should be able to say the n word as everyone claimed it was. They were quickly debating on whether or not it's okay to say in rap lyrics. He was told no, that's not okay, that's never okay and they moved on from it. That's it. End of story. That somehow was twisted into a click bait style headline of "Sebastian Stan likes a video of a white man defending his right to say the n word" when that is absolutely not true. My other issue is that people are more upset that Sebastian liked the video than they are about the white man in the video literally saying the n word. So, do you really care about the use of the n word like you're claiming? Cuz if you do, you'd be more upset at the white man that said the word than you would be about the white man simply liking the video. Or, are you just using this as an excuse to grandstand against a white man you don't like?

The Tommy Lee thing - Sebastian Stan playing Tommy Lee does not make Sebastian Stan a bad person. Is Charlize Theron a bad person for playing Aileen Wuornos, a prostitute who started murdering men? Is Leonardo DiCaprio a bad person for playing a slave owner? Is Edward Norton a bad person for playing a nazi sympathizing racist? Actors play bad people. That doesn't mean that they themselves are bad people. 1990's Tommy Lee was a bad person, but that should have no bearing on who Sebastian Stan is or his character as a man.

The gf/Paul Walter Hauser thing - Why are we holding Sebastian accountable for what the people around him are doing? Again, why are we more upset that Sebastian is associated with people who have done questionable things than the specific people themselves? I'm not going to speak on the kimono wearing -- I'm not Asian. It's not my place to say whether or not its offensive because it's not my culture, but she posted that picture and attended that party before she started dating Sebastian, quite possibly before she even knew him. Same with Paul. I think that black face thing was long before he knew Sebastian. Now, if Sebastian was defending these actions, going around saying "I think it's okay for white women to wear Kimono's" "I think black face is fine" "I think white people should be able to say the n word" then we'd have a different story, wouldn't we? But that's not what we have, and that's not what he is doing. He is not responsible for the things his friends do or have done in the past just because he's more famous than they are, and he is not required to speak on them. Let's put it this way -- would you be comfortable having to be responsible for something a friend of yours did before you knew them? Would you want to have to be forced to answer for your friend when you yourself had nothing to do with the questionable behavior?

The organization that supports the military/blue lives matter - Sebastian cannot control what message that foundation puts out and it does not mean that he is or is not pro-police himself. There is not enough concrete evidence -- if any evidence for that matter -- that Sebastian is a blue lives matter supporter. Did Sebastian donate before they put up the blue lives matter post? Or after? I don’t know, cuz I don’t follow him that closely, but if he donates before they come out with a particular stance, that means he should be held accountable for that? I know I donated to an organization once and they turned out to support something that i’m 100% against. That means I’m a bad person because I couldn’t see into the future? Another point, how can we be certain that Sebastian saw the blue lives matter post in the first place? I know I’m not online 24 hrs a day, I miss posts all the time and I’m just an average person. I make three or four tumblr posts a day, and I’m gone. I have to play catch up on social media, and even then, I still miss stuff. So I’m sure the same happens to a working actor. As for the co-founder, I don't know who this person is and would rather not get into any allegations against them because I don't want to trigger anyone who comes across this post. If Sebastian knows about these allegations, is a willing participant/supporter of this person then yeah, that's pretty shitty, but we don't know the inner workings of this friendship/acquaintance/work relationship. We don’t know how close they are or if they even still speak.

I’m a pretty big fan of Don Cheadle. He’s a stand up guy, he’s a great actor, he’s funny, he’s political and stands up for what he believes in and in a very public way. I support him. Don Cheadle is also friends with Chris Evans, RDJ, Mark Ruffalo, and Letitia Wright (just to name a few). Chris Evans has a bipartisan forum that highlights/promotes right wing politicians, RDJ defended Chris Pratt during the whole “he’s the worst Chris in Hollywood” crap, who’s technically done black face, and who once said to a female reporter “nice tits” when she walked into the room, Mark Ruffalo just walked back his support of Palestine, and Letitia Wright retweeted/supported an anti-vaxxer/anti-trans Pastor who equated an ingredient of the covid vaccine to the devil because it contained some parts of the word Lucifer. Does that mean Don is now a bad person because he’s friends with these people? Why isn’t he getting any heat for his friendships with them? Why isn’t he being held accountable for what they’ve done and said? Oh right, because he’s not a white fave. So people don’t care one way or the other, which brings me to my next point.

I can guarantee you that if Sebastian’s gf or Paul or this co-founder were not associated with Sebastian in any way, nobody would give a shit about her wearing a kimono, about Paul doing black face, or about the co-founder/organization being blue lives matter supporters and in that lies the actual problem. Being critical of people and their actions should be consistent and should happen all the time -- not just when they interact with your white fave. That’s when it becomes performative and looks like you just want to be able to show internet people that you follow/support/stan unproblematic celebrities, when really, you don’t care.

I think the moral of this post is that I think it's unfair to hold a complete stranger to a standard that I cannot hold myself to. I also don't view celebrities the way most teenagers/twenty somethings do, and that’s because when I entered fandom we didn't have social media, so I grew up with a wall between myself and said celebrities. There is no wall now with the presence of social media. "Fans" nowadays have a weird ownership feeling over celebrities because they can read their personal thoughts or view personal pictures and think that they have this personal quasi-friendship with them. I can't get on board with that. I prefer having the wall and I still keep the wall.

If supporting Sebastian makes you uncomfortable, then by all means, stop supporting him. Just make sure you are making this decision for yourself based on credible sources and concrete evidence and that you're not letting this fake woke activist mob make you feel uncomfortable. Internet activism means nothing unless you put your money where your mouth is in your real life and 90% of the social justice internet warriors do not. Real activism is bigger than changing your avi to a black square.

#asks #answered #sebastian stan

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violettelueur · 4 years ago

Text

— JUJUTSU KAISEN EPISODE TWENTY ONE (PART TWO) || JAMAIS VU

↳ featuring : itadori yuji + fushiguro megumi + kugisaki nobara + gojo satoru from jujutsu kaisen

↳ warnings : EXTREME grammar issues

↳ form : story

↳ published : 27 april

↳ pronouns : she/her

↳ word count : 2.8k

↳ synopsis : within the jujutsu world, there were three famous clans to be aware of, the Kamo clan, Zenin clan and the Gojo clan. However, unknown to many sorcerers there was one last family that was known to be apart of the three, only for them to disappear after the golden era leading some to speculate that they had died in battle after the sealing of ryomen sukuna, but....

↳ previous episode : jujutsu koshien

↳ next episode : the origin of blind obedience

↳ barista’s notes : lets play a little game...find the genshin reference ╲ʕ·ᴥ·　╲ʔ

BEFORE READING, I NEED YOU TO BE AWARE OF THIS:

1. the whole story belongs to Gege Akutami and the credits go to them and them only.

2. the spell curses used belong to Tite Kubo due to them being the ‘Kidos’ being used on the manga and anime ‘Bleach’ - but none is mentioned in this chapter.

2.5. for the ‘cursed spells’/kidos (bleach) i will link this video here and tell you the time stamp to check out what i am intending to show - remember i add a few twist here and there by adding the katana to link with Y/N’s cursed technique : hopefully this video is slightly better...

3. if you are confused on anything, please don’t hesitate to message me since i know this whole thing is so confusing.

“May I ask why you are following me right now?”

At this moment in time, you were seated within a train in the Tokyo Underground Metro travelling to your planned destination wearing a white button-up shirt with the first two buttons loose since it was quite oversized that was tucked into a pair of wide-legged trousers since you didn’t want it to show at the bottom of your large oversized grey v-necked sweater with the final touch of a pair of Stan Smiths that Gojo had gifted you the second you entered the Gojo’s estate after packing the last of your things back at the Tokyo Metropolitan Curse Technical College - ‘think of it as a housewarming gift’ you remember him saying.

Speaking of Gojo…

“Why not~ It’s mine and your’s off-day, so let’s have a father-daughter day out together!” Gojo exclaimed in an excited tone, as he tilted his glasses down to look slightly down at you, showcasing his sparkling blue eyes with a cheeky smile planted on his face.

Turning your head to the side to look at him, you couldn’t help but want to snatch his glasses off and throw them across the other side of the train carriage since you have informed him all the time that you wanted to go on this outing of yours alone due to the fact that you wanted to clear your head about everything that has happened within the past week.

“Also, why the hell are those three following me?” you questioned in an annoyed whispered tone as you turned your head back to face forward before crossing your leg over your other one as you could sense the lingering but obvious trail of cursed energy from the other side of the carriage. However, you didn’t want to make it crystal clear that you knew Itadori, Fushiguro and Kugisaki were sitting on the other end looking at you while trying to not be or look suspicious.

“Well, let’s just say they are worried about you~” Gojo answered before placing one of his hands on the top of your head before beginning to gently ruffle your hair causing you to relax from your tense posture since it left a somewhat warm feeling in your heart - you also have gotten used to this little action of his since he would do the same thing when you were walking around the estate.

“So where are you planning to go? I did jump on this train because you were going in it,” Gojo asked, as he fixed his glasses leading you to look up to find that the next stop was the stop you were looking for, causing you to stand up and walk towards the exit leading Gojo to follow since he was just going by your lead at this moment in time.

“Kiyose Station?” Gojo said in a curious tone, only for you to step out of the train the second the doors opened leading Gojo to follow you as well as the three first-years that were trailing you from behind, just a few feet away to not get caught by you - even though, you already knew that they were stalking you from behind.

‘Really...did these guys forget I can sense their cursed energy?’

“Yeah, I guess I never really told you that I come here every year…’ you quietly confessed, causing Gojo to look at you with a confused expression before wondering why you were willing to take an hour-long journey for something to come to every year on the same day.

“Is that so?” Gojo questioned before looking up to the sky as he took in a deep breath of the fresh air that he was able to obtain after a long journey in the underground train station.

From his view, the sky was quite clear making it known to him that you probably had checked the weather beforehand when you were planning to go wherever he was following you to, you were always the type to be somewhat prepared for the day from what he could remember from past outings. For example, when you and him came out of a cafe to find that it was raining, you immediately took out an umbrella and held it above you and him even when you knew he could use his infinity to protect himself from the wet droplets.

“Don’t use your technique too much, just use an umbrella, you drag,” he recalled you saying and to be honest, he was somewhat gleeful at the fact you treated him the way you did. It was like you cared for him but didn’t want to explicitly admit it or make it too obvious, he felt like you were treating him like he wasn’t above you in the jujutsu world, you were basically the reason why he could relax and get away from the gripping pressure of being ‘the strongest’ - instead, you gave him the role of a father figure that he wasn’t an ideal person for, but you could tell he was trying.

“You know we are here right, you’re too much in a daydream right now,” you announced causing Gojo to snap his head back down to see a simple fence gate in front of a massive and bright field of sunflowers looking at his way like they were greeting him with their yellow happy petals.

“A sunflower field?” Gojo asked in a confused tone causing you to give a somewhat deadpan expression before turning back around to open the gate before entering the large field with other guests already hiding within the mass of tall flowers as you could sense your triplet classmates coming closer.

“You know, I knew I had weird classmates, but I didn’t know how weird…” you mentioned, causing your adoptive father to start laughing before wrapping an arm around your shoulders as you both began to walk around to view the tall flowers that had been planted and grown for the season causing Gojo to somewhat come to the realisation that you had some fascination with flowers ever since he had come to meet you - except for your weird addiction to orange juice that he learned first.

“Wah~ the sunflowers are in full bloom~” Gojo excitedly beamed out, causing some visitors to look at the tall man with a surprised expression to then quickly turn into admiration when they realise how handsome the man looked causing you to cringe since this is what you wanted to avoid coming here.

“So why do you like flowers Y/N?” Gojo suddenly queried you causing you to turn your head up to look at him while continuing to stroll down the path you both were going at, leading you to begin questioning how your fascination with flowers came about and to be honest….

“I don’t know,” you answered in a low tone before turning back to view the beautiful display that was surrounding you with the warmth you needed right now. “I guess...it’s like a remedy...one that I need,” you further explained causing Gojo to look down at you with a small smile before turning his head back slightly over his shoulder to notice his over students a few feet back arguing about whatever they were talking about while trying to keep up with the both of you - it seemed like his unnecessary tall height somewhat helped them to scout both you and him.

“Also, the estate is so dull, you need some sort of colour, so I might as well buy some sunflowers here,” you quickly added, causing the strongest sorcerer to quickly snap his head back to look at you before childishly complaining how the estate looked fine and there was no need to judge the decor of the clan house you were living in at his current moment, only for you to counter his argument with how paintings weren’t helping and the empty antique vases were not going to fill themselves up magically.

“The servants can find flowers, you don’t need to do this yourself,” Gojo mentioned causing you to give him a side look before saying that you wanted to do this, leading Gojo to close his mouth quickly as he suddenly remembered how you would always help out even when they would try to push you away since they were worried about you over-working when you were emotionally recovering this week. He also recollected how you would just admit that you were used to doing chores yourself since you had lived alone for six years before he took you in.

Unexpectantly, you turned somewhere to the right causing Gojo to be somewhat surprised since he didn’t expect you to take a sudden different route, only for his eyes to come into the sudden appearance of a little market place where some people (especially some elders) selling vegetables, small accessories, flowers and what seemed to be some charms.

However, it seemed like you weren’t telling him where you were planning to start since you were now basically just guiding him to wherever you wanted to go - after all, it was his first time here and probably needed some guidance from you.

From behind, Itadori and Kugisaki were chatting about how they were going to stay hidden away from you, while Fushiguro looked exhausted with both of them by his side and somewhat knew that you knew they were following you since he remembered that you were able to sense people’s cursed energy like a tracking system - he even reminded both his classmates about this technique of yours and they flat out ignored it, not recalling his first lesson when him and Itadori were forced into a maid cafe while tailing their teacher.

“Gojo knows a lot of places, doesn’t she?” Kugisaki muttered in amazement as she spun around to obtain a 360-degree view of the sunflower scenery that they were at right now, leading Itadori to agree with her as he smiled happily at the bright-like atmosphere that was surrounding them right now.

“Fushiguro, look! There are so many!” Itadori beamed, leading Kugisaki smacking him on the head before informing him that he was being too loud and they were about to get caught causing Fushiguro to let out a sigh in slight annoyance.

‘I can tell she’s laughing at us, right now’ Fushiguro thought as he could see your shoulders going up and down like how they would when you would giggle.

As time went on, the trio kept tabs on you as you went from market stall to market stall to view those items that the sellers had for sale leading them to wonder what you were looking for since you never really took the time to bring out your wallet and pay for whatever the seller would pitch you.

“These are so cute, why didn’t she buy them?” Kugisaki questioned as she lifted up a pair of sunflower earrings that you had previously viewed causing the seller to start telling her how they made it and how beautiful they would look on her, while Fushiguro looked to the side peering at you and Gojo only to discover you at this one stall where the seasoned sunflowers were being sold.

However, before you could even ask the seller for a bouquet, a little girl sudden ran up to the stall asking their mother if they could get a sunflower, only for the worried woman to inform their child that they weren’t about to afford it due to them using the last of their money to pay for the food that they ate causing the little girl to quickly become quiet before turning back around to view the bright flowers that she wasn’t able to get with tears pending in her eyes.

“Excuse me madam, how much for two flowers?” you asked gently, causing the old woman being the stall to turn her head to look at you before answering your question with a price leading you to place a purchase while adding your bouquet to the order, causing the little girl standing beside you to look at you with a confused expression since she didn’t understand why you were buying a whole bouquet of her favourite flowers with two single ones alone.

While the woman was wrapping the last of the single sunflower she was preparing for you in the classic brown paper, you gently took the one she had finished before handing it to the small child that was by your side, causing her to look at the flower in complete awe before looking up at you, only to see a small but gently smile painted on your face.

“It’s for you,” you informed her in a light and soft tone, leading the girl to slowly take the bouquet away from your grasp before noticing how you were going to pay extra for the black ribbon tied around the flower as well as the white baby breaths that surrounded the single flower before giving the other single flower to them mother that was behind the child, causing the woman to look at you in shock before thanking you for the gift as she didn’t expect you to buy something for her as well after you gifted her daughter with what she wanted.

“What do you say to the nice lady, dear?” the mom questioned her daughter causing the little girl to look confused before realising what she meant as she jumped in excitement.

“Thank you so much, miss!” the girl cheered, causing you to smile at her before excitingly showing the mother the flower you had gifted her as you then turned back around to collect the bouquet that you had brought for yourself as you processed to give her the amount of money needed for the large purchase.

“Shame...and I thought you were giving one each to me and you…” Gojo muttered with a pout, causing you to give him a weirded-out side glance before scoffing in amusement.

“Never in a million years dad,” you answered in a teasing manner before making your way towards the trio that was at the stall behind you, leaving the strongest sorcerer shocked at what you had just said to him, as the duo of Itadori Yuji and Kugisaki Nobara screamed at your sudden appearance since they would they were in the clear, while Fushiguro was looking at you with a gentle but his usually stoic face as he somewhat found out about your side of kindness you had for other people.

“Gojo!” Itadori screamed, causing you to give them a small smile.

“So...care to explain why you have been following me since I left the estate? Why is it once you finally get a break from being a sorcerer, rather than taking a rest, you instead come to me?” you questioned in a sinister tone, causing all three of your classmates to shiver at the dark aura that was emitting itself from your body right now.

However, before they were even able to answer in their frightened state, Gojo suddenly launched himself at you from behind with tears in his eyes causing you to yell at him for his childish behaviour, only for him to wrap his arms around your shoulders before rocking you from side to side in pure happiness.

“You called me ‘dad’, come on, say it again! One more time!” Gojo requested in pure glee as tears of happiness streamed down his face with a silly smile, leading the trio behind you to look at the sorcerer with pure horror as you informed him that he was already asking you for too much as once was enough causing Gojo to complain in a childish voice again that ‘it wasn’t too much’ and that you have to say it again, almost causing you to smack the bouquet across his face.

“Let me go!” you yelled out, as you tried to pry Gojo’s arms that were around your shoulder while trying not to crease the flowers that you have just bought only for your adoptive father to cling onto you tighter to which caused your body to give up and you stood there with a disheartened expression on your face, completely forgetting that Itadori, Fushiguro and Kugisaki had followed you here as you had another issue to deal with.

While this was going on, Fushiguro couldn’t help but continue to recall the situation that had happened earlier between you and the little family, especially the small action of your hand going down to pass the flower to the little girl...as if a hand has reached down to him before leading little images of a hand passing him a bandage came into view, yet he didn’t seem to have any recollection of it...like a memory, he technically didn’t remember.

“Gojo?” Fushiguro called you out, causing you to turn to him while grasping on the bright sunflowers that were facing his way as if to give him encouragement to say what he was planning on asking you.

“What’s the opposite of Deja vu?”

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thimbil · 3 years ago

Text

Having some thoughts about the references and inspirations used for the Bad Batch’s designs.

So Boba Fett is my absolute favorite character and Temeura Morrison was perfect casting. I went to see the 2008 TCW movie in theaters because I was so excited to see him again, even if he was animated. You can imagine my disappointment. Whoever was on screen was not Temeura Morrison. You could sort of see a resemblance if you squinted and didn’t think too hard about it. They replaced Temeura with Racially Ambiguous G.I. Joe. If I didn’t know better and someone told me the animated clones are space Italians from the moon of New Jersey I would buy it. One Million Brothers Pizzeria and Italian Bistro. Not that there’s something wrong with being space Italian, I just don’t think it’s the right choice for the Fetts. The design got slightly improved by season 7 but it still bugs the hell out of me.

I did eventually get into the show later and (of course) got invested in the clones. Unfortunately, they were largely sidelined by the Jedi storylines. Out of the two new main characters created for TCW, Ahsoka definitely got more development and focus than Rex. When they announced The Bad Batch, I was excited to see a show specifically devoted to the clones… at least that’s what it said on the tin. We have all seen what lurks beneath those stylish helmets.

Jango Fett, you are NOT the father.

So who is?

Based on interviews with Filoni, it sounds like the Bad Batch was a George Lucas idea. And like all his ideas, it’s super derivative. The original trilogy directly lifted elements from sci fi serials, westerns, and samurai movies, more specifically Kurosawa films like The Hidden Fortress. For The Bad Batch character designs, the influence is obviously American action and adventure movies.

Now let’s get specific. Bad Batch, who’s your daddy?

Hunter

Sylvester Stallone as Rambo in First Blood 1982. That bandana has become an integral part of the iconic action hero look. You see a character wearing one and it’s a visual shorthand for either “this character is a tough guy” like Billy played by Sonny Landham in Predator 1987, or “this character thinks he is/wants to be a tough guy” like Brand played by Josh Brolin in The Goonies 1985 or Edward Frog played by Corey Feldman in The Lost Boys 1987.

Hunter’s model is closest to the original clone base. If you look closely you will see the eyebrows are straighter with a much lower angle to the arch. His nose is also not the same shape as a standard clone like Rex, including a narrower bridge. It’s certainly not Temeura Morrison’s nose. Remember what I said about space Italians? It didn’t take much to push the existing clone design to resemble an specific Italian man instead of a specific Māori man. The 23&Me came back, and Hunter inherited more than the bandana from Sylvester.

Crosshair

The long narrow nose, the sharp cheekbones, the scowl. That’s no clone, that’s just animated Clint Eastwood. Not even Young and Hot Clint Eastwood from Rawhide 1959-1965. With that hair, I’m talking Gran Torino 2008. The man of few words schtick and family friendly toothpick in lieu of cigar are pure Eastwood as The Man With No Name from Sergio Leone’s spaghetti westerns A Fist Full of Dollars 1964, For a Few Dollars More 1965, and The Good the Bad and the Ugly 1966.

In a way, this is full circle because the actor Jeremy Bulloch took inspiration from Clint Eastwood for his performance as Boba Fett in ESB.

Wrecker

In an interview Filoni lists the Hulk as an (obvious) inspiration for Wrecker. Ever seen the old Hulk tv show from 1978? Well take a look at the actor who played him, Lou Ferrigno. Would you look at that. Even has his papa’s nose.

You could make the argument that Wrecker was influenced by The Rock, an appropriately buff ‘n bald Polynesian (Samoan, not Maori) man. But look at him next his Fast and Furious costar Vin Diesel and tell me which one resembles Wrecker’s character model more.

Tech

Tech is a little trickier for me to place. If he has a more direct inspiration it must be something I haven’t seen. That said, his hairline is very Bruce Willis as John McClane in Die Hard 1988. His quippiness and large glasses remind me of Shane Black as Hawkins from Predator 1987. In terms of his face, he looks a but like the result of McClane and Hawkins deciding to settle down and start a family. Although, Tech’s biggest contributors are probably just everyone on TV Trope’s list for Smart People Wear Glasses.

And finally,

Echo

Oh Echo. Considering he wasn’t created for the Bad Batch, he probably wasn’t based on a particular character or movie. But if I had to guess, his situation and appearance remind me a lot of Alex Murphy played by Peter Weller in Robocop 1987. However, Robocop explored the Man or Machine Identity Crisis with more nuance, depth, and dignity. Yikes.

The exact tropes and references used in The Bad Batch have been done successfully with characters who aren’t even human. Gizmo from Gremlins 2: The New Batch 1990 had a brief stint with the Rambo bandana. I could have picked any number of characters for Defining Feature Is Glasses but here is the most cursed version of Simon of Alvin and the Chipmunks. Suffer as I have. Marc Antony with his beloved Pussyfoot from Looney Tunes has the same tough guy with a soft center vibe as Wrecker and his Lula (also a kind of cat). Hell, in the same show we have Cad Bane sharing Cowboy Clint Eastwood with Crosshair. I actually think Bane makes a better Eastwood which is wild considering Crosshair has Eastwood’s entire face and Bane is blue.

So we’ve established you don’t need your characters to look exactly like their inspirations to match their vibe. So why go through the trouble and cost of creating completely new character designs instead of recycling and altering assets they already had on hand? Just slap on a bandana, toothpick, goggles, and make Wrecker bigger than the others while he does a Hulk pose and you’re done. Based on the general reaction to Howzer it would have been a low effort slam dunk crowd pleaser.

But they didn’t do that.

So here’s the thing. I like the tropes used in The Bad Batch. I am a fan of action adventure movies from the 80s-90s, the sillier the better. I am part of the Bad Batch’s target audience. Considering what I know about Disney and Lucasfilm, I went in with low expectations. I genuinely don’t hate the idea of seeing references to these actors and media in The Bad Batch. I don’t think basing these characters on tropes was a bad idea. If anything it’s a solid starting point for building the characters.

The trouble is nothing got built on the foundation. The plot is directionless, the pacing is wacky, and the characters have nearly no emotional depth or defining character arcs. They just sort of exist without reacting much while the story happens around them. But I can excuse all of that. You don’t stay a fan of Star Wars as long as I have not being able to cherrypick and fill in the gaps. This show has a deeper issue that shouldn’t be ignored.

Why do the animated clones bear at best only a passing resemblance to their live action actor? In interviews, Filoni wouldn’t shut up but the technological advancements in the animation for season 7. So if they are updating things, why not try to make the clones a closer match to their source material? Why did they have to look like completely different people in The Bad Batch to be “unique”? Looking like Temeura Morrison would have no bearing on their special abilities and TCW proved you can have identical looking characters and still have them be distinct. In fact, that’s a powerful theme and the source of tragedy for the clones’ narrative overall.

Here’s Filoni’s early concept art of Crosshair, Wrecker, Tech, and Hunter. (Interesting but irrelevant: Wrecker seems to have a cog tattoo similar to Jesse’s instead of a scar. Wouldn’t it have been funny if they kept that so when they met in season 7 one if them could say something like “Hey we’re twins!” That’s a little clone humor. Just for you guys 😘)

None of these drawings look like the clones in TCW, much less Temeura Morrison. Let’s be generous. Maybe Filoni struggles with drawing a real person’s likeness, as many people do. But he had to hand this off to other artists down the line whose job specifically involves making a stylized character resemble their actor. Yet the final designs missed the mark almost as much as this initial concept. Starting to seem as if the clones looking more like Temeura Morrison was never even on the table. It wasn’t a lack of creativity, skill or technical limitations on the part of the creative team. I don’t think there is an innocent explanation. They went out of their way to make the final product exactly how we got it.

This goes beyond homage. They could have made the same pop culture references and character tropes without completely stripping Temeura Morrison from the role he originated. It was a very purposeful choice to replace him with more immediately familiar actors from established franchises and films. It wouldn’t shock me if Filoni, Lucas, and anyone else calling the shots didn’t even think hard or care enough about the decision to immediately recognize a problem. And I don’t think they believed anyone else would either. At least no one whose opinion they cared about. Those faces are comfortingly familiar and proven bankable. They are what we’re all used to seeing after all. They’re white.

Lack of imagination, bad intentions, or simple ignorance doesn’t really matter in the end. The result is the same. Call it what it is. They replaced a man of color with a bunch of white guys. That’s by the book garden variety run of the mill whitewashing. There’s no debate worth having about it. For a fanbase that loves to nitpick things like whether or not it’s in character for Han to shoot first or Jeans Guy in the Mandalorian, we sure are quick to find excuses for clones who look nothing like their template. Why is that? If you don’t see the problem, congratulations. Your ass is showing. Pull your jeans up.

#star wars #the bad batch #unwhitewashtbb #wrecker #crosshair #tech #hunter #echo

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sohin-ace · 3 years ago

Text

Josuke & Okuyasu - Magazine

Inspired by that one fanart I can't use because I can't find the artist.

Enjoy~

'Boys will be boys'.

We don't count the times this excuse was used to justify the hormone-driven and often stupid decisions or behaviors of male teenagers.

This applies to our two protagonists, Josuke and Okuyasu who just happened to be at that age where boys were curious about their own selves but most importantly of course, curious about the opposite sex.

They couldn't really be blamed, sexuality was a normal part of a teenager's life after all. Which may or may not imply them oogling questionable things here and there or watching specific videos, for instance.

Josuke and Okuyasu decided to feast their eyes as a part of their numerous 'bro dates' as they called them, and made it a regular thing.

Of course, they made these moments very secret. Only them could know what sinful things they were doing after school. They trusted no one else than each other and nobody should ever know about their activities.

They especially couldn't let a girl know about their shenanigans. Oh no, that would be an absolute disaster if they were to be caught red-handed by a girl from their school. They would have to carry the heavy title of 'disgusting perverts', stamped right on their foreheads for the rest of their highschool years, if not their life.

One day as they got out of school, they decided to check out the X-rated section of a local konbini, section placed strategically in the far corner of the shop, and opened some nice porn magazine for their needy eyes. As one does.

"Yoooo Josuke check this out!" Okuyasu exclaimed to his friend while pointing to one of the pages, already blushing madly and coughing up an impressed chuckle.

"Oh my god!!" Josuke whisper-yelled to his friend, trying to not catch people's attention. "That's hot! You think those boobs are real?"

They kept on drooling over pictures of sexy women in bikinis or underwear and posing suggestively for 10 more solid minutes, completely forgetting about their surroundings.

They weren't really worried about getting caught as the section they were in was pretty far away from the entrance of the store and nobody really passed by this corner of the shop anyways.

As they were in their own little fantasy world, they didn't notice a certain H/C haired female coming up behind them.

"Hey isn't that the red head girl from last time?" Josuke commented as he pointed at a certain picture.

"The one who was licking a cherry? Yeah I think so." Replied his tan best friend who started chuckling.

"Who even licks cherries like that?"

"I don't know but she can lick my cherry if you know what I'm sayin'~"

They both snorted obnoxiously and stupidly to themselves until they suddenly heard a very familiar someone right behind them.

"Hey guys! What's up!"

The boys jumped, screaming high pitched 'Eeeks' and 'Uwahs' at the sound of your sweet voice startling them into the worst heart attack they'd ever experience, threatening to cut their short lives even shorter.

Josuke nearly dropped the lewd magazine from his clammy hands and they both turned around abruptly, sweating bullets as they desperately and clumsily hid the piece of dirty evidence behind their backs.

'Oh no. God, everything but not this...' They both thought in unison, as if connected.

The last thing they could have ever expected or wanted, was seeing YOU, of all people, here out of all places and now, out of all times. They really had the worst luck. Suddenly, getting struck by thunder seemed appealing.

"O-o-oh hey Y/N-chan..." Okuyasu stuttered shakily, still sweating profusely.

"What uh... Ahem... What are you doing... here...?" Josuke continued clearing his tight throat and eyeing his best friend with rising anxiety.

The boys were silently communicating, trying to come up with anything, any excuse to either hide their shameful crime from you, or make you leave as soon as possible. They had to work their so-called 'bro-telepathy' like they never did before.

"I was passing by to get some strawberry milk, but then I recognized your hair in the distance! I'm so glad to see you!" You smiled angelically at them while showing them your little pink carton of strawberry milk like it was some prize.

You were beaming so brightly at them, they almost had to squint at your radiating light and beauty. Oh no this was bad, they were both striked by you like an arrow right through their heart.

'She.... SHE'S TOO CUTE FOR THIS WORLD!' They both screamed in their heads.

You, in particular, should never know about what they were doing. EVER. You were way too pure and too innocent for this. Who knows what your reaction would be if you discovered their lewd secrets? Would you judge them? Be disgusted by them? Never talk to them ever again? They couldn't possibly risk that.

Sadly, they were not as glad to see you here as you were to see them. You eventually asked them the oh-so-dreaded question that they wished you'd never ask.

"So, what were you boys doing? Reading manga?" You leaned over to the side slightly trying to see what they were hiding behind their backs and they both panicked.

Obviously you didn't notice the big 'R18' sign over all three of your heads and surely, you couldn't know what this part of the store was since you probably never checked it in your entire life.

In an amazingly coordinated moment, Josuke swiftly handed the magazine to Okuyasu while walking towards you, passing in front of the Jobro, the action completely hidden from your sight.

Josuke came in front of you and grabbed your shoulders, smiling big and trying to act as natural as he could.

"Aah um yes! Manga! Actually there's this one manga I wanted to show you, good thing you're here!" The pompadour-haired haafu was still obviously in utter panick, even if he tried his best to play it cool.

As Josuke was trying to deflect your attention from their guilty pleasure, Okuyasu took this advantage to turn around and scurriedly hide the magazine back in it's original shelf.

You were confused at their shady behavior and furrowed your eyebrows a little bit. You noticed Josuke was sweating and panting slightly, but your eyes traveled to Okuyasu fumbling with the magazines behind and you tried to make out what he was doing.

But Josuke wouldn't let you discover their evil plan for anything in the world, and so, he cupped both your cheeks in his large hands earning a gasp from you as he almost squished them, and turned your head back to face him.

He leaned down to your height and your eyes widened, puzzled by his spontaneous actions.

"Y/N Look at me! Look at my eyes!" He stared at you with a serious expression and you blushed at his sudden bold act and how close he was.

"J-jojo...?" You yelped as your heart was beating fast in your chest.

You were so confused as to what the hell was going on and why they were acting so weird. You knew the two could be up to some truly bizarre adventures sometimes, but that was just so strange.

Whatever they were trying to distract you from, it was working. His face was so close to yours, and his big hands were so warm, you subconsciously put your small ones over his wrists in response, face now red with blood and adrenaline.

You were beyond puzzled at everything that was happening, but you were so lost in Josuke's ocean blue eyes, you completely forgot about what Okuyasu was hiding so clumsily.

Speak of the devil, the tan male suddenly came up to you both, and Josuke released you from his grasp as his best friend made a surprisingly genius offer.

"Ohh Y/N, you didn't pay for that milk yet, right? Good, it's my treat then! Josuke, let's get some too! I'm thirsty."

The scar-faced boy casually wrapped a large arm around your shoulders and swiflty turned you around in his strong hold, effectively dragging you away from the adult section of the store, and barely letting you any time to even glance at the overly sexual display around you.

"Eh? What about that manga you wanted to show me?" You looked back at Josuke, regaining your composure slowly.

"Oh that? Never mind, it's not important anyway- Hey Okuyasu, do you want banana flavor or chocolate?" The fourth Jojo quickly changed the subject as he opened the fridge doors and picked up some drinks.

"You guys are acting so weird today..." You loved the boys, and they usually brought you into their messes, that wasn't anything new, but sometimes you really couldn't understand them. "I'll go wait in line while you guys make up your minds."

You gently patted Okuyasu's chest who almost forgot to let you go and you walked away towards the cash register.

When you were finally out of earshot, they both stared at each other, thinking of how they just dodged a bullet so big, it might as well just have been an atomic bomb.

"D-dude... That was so clutch man...." Josuke sighed, still swallowing his stress out and his best friend only shut his eyes and cringed before grabbing his drink.

"Just shut up, let's not talk about it..."

"Aaahh!!" Okuyasu let out a loud sigh of delight as he sipped his banana milk. "Man, that hit the spot."

"Yeah! Nothing better than some fresh milk in the summer. Great idea Y/N."

You three walked out of the store and headed back home, enjoying your drinks. You giggled at their over-the-top reaction and handed them your own carton.

"You guys want to try strawberry flavor?"

"Oohh~" Okuyasu gushed before smirking and taking the item from your hands. "An indirect kiss from my little Y/N! Lucky~"

Josuke gasped and snatched the drink as well, snickering when he was done. "Can't say no when she's the one who proposed huehue!"

"Well you both drank from the same straw, so technically you two kissed too!" You laughed at their priceless shocked facial expressions.

"WHAT?!"

"Naah dude, no homo, no homo." Josuke patted his friend's back, reassuring him with the holy expression famous for saving countless men from potential homosexuality.

Okuyasu sighed in relief. "Yeah, no homo! Still in the bro zone, bro."

You snorted at their questionable reasoning and kept on walking when you suddenly saw two familiar faces coming towards you.

"Oh! It's Koichi and Yukako!" You waved and smiled at the couple who approached you.

"Oh hey guys, what are you doing?" The short male greeted with a smile.

"Oh nothing much, I bumped into them in the konbini." You sheepishly answered and Yukako quirked an eyebrow at the two suspicious looking males next to you.

"Really?" She feigned, still staring at them. "What were they doing without you I wonder..."

"I don't know, reading manga I think? I'm not sure, they wouldn't tell me." You tried to look between her and them and they seemed to glare at the girl as hard as she did them.

"Huh?" She scoffed and shifted her weight on one leg." I bet you guys were reading porn again. Y/N I can't believe your patience around those guys."

"HUUUHHH???" Koichi yelled in pure surprise at the revelation and you three widened your eyes.

"YOU FREAKIN- OH MY GOD SHUT UP!" Okuyasu gasped and screamed at the girl who was smirking in victory.

"W-what?" You stuttered and looked at the two visibly stressed boys. "Po-... I don't- ... What??"

"Y/N DON'T LISTEN TO HER SHE'S LYING!" Josuke guiltily tried to reason as you covered your mouth in shock.

"Well it's the truth, right? Did I hit a sensitive subject, perhaps?" The brunette chuckled cutely, infuriating your friends even more.

"YOU'RE DEAD!!!"

Josuke sprinted towards Yukako who easily hoisted her awe-struck boyfriend over her shoulder and ran for dear life, having no regrets whatsoever.

An old one. A very old fic, it hurts to read it. I'm going to go ahead and post some old stuff I wrote just to get them out of my drafts. I hope they'll be enough for my beautiful gangsters.

#jojo's bizarre adventure #jjba #jojo #jojo no kimyou na bouken #writing #x reader #reader insert #jojo part 4 #part 4 #diamond is unbreakable #josuke higashitaka #nijimura okuyasu #platonic #josuke x reader #okuyasu x reader

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221bshrlocked · 4 years ago

Text

A Sky Full of Stars

Pairing: The Mandalorian (Din Djarin) x Fem!Reader

Words: 11340 (I know I say this all the time but this really was supposed to be a short one-shot but it got away from me because I just loved this idea so so much. Sorry not sorry.)

Warning: Nothing but fluff. Some kissing that turns into a heated make-out session that turns into a cuddling session.

Inspired by this tiktok by the lovely ameliagonzales who was gracious enough to allow me to use her idea and write this.

A/N: It's been a while since I wrote something that's fluffy slightly angsty and dialogue-centered. I'm not going to lie, this took longer than usual because of the lovely anon that decided to tell me my characterization of Din is hella off and I realized I don't care if it is because it's my writing and I get to do whatever I want with it. Let me know how I'm doing in the comments and reblogs are always always appreciated. You can add yourself to the taglist here. This is not beta'd btw.

“No silly this isn’t green, it’s blue.” The little girl put her toy away and brought out a new one, giggling at your faux pout as she shoves the new object in your hand and asks you what color you thought it was. You turn it around in your hands, trying your hardest to hide the hurt growing in your chest at not knowing what color it is. You think it’s closer to the first toy she gave you but you’re not sure. You’re never sure. You look at the girl and smile at her before setting the toy aside and wiggling your hands at her. She immediately stands up and screams as you run after her, laughing along with her giggles as you chase her around and watch as more kids join in and run away from you.

You’re not sure how long you’re chasing the little ones and you hear some of them gasp and ‘oooh’ when your young friend runs into a solid figure. You stand up and watch as the girl tears up as she apologizes to the man she just ran into. You’re immediately hugging her and assuring her that everything is okay, turning to the side and narrowing your eyes at the man that scared her half to death.

“Shame on you Mando,” you pretend to smack his shoulder three times and watch as the child in your arms sniffles between laughs when the Mandalorian tries to hide away from you.

“I’m sorry little flower, I didn’t mean to scare you.” You watch as the man reaches for a small bottle in his pocket and slowly hands it to the girl. “Here you go, a token of my apology.”

“It’s okay sweetheart, he’s a nice man...even though he doesn’t look it.” You wink at Boba Fett and giggle along with her when he sighs heavily and pushes the flask into her hand. She takes it and shakes it around, her eyes lighting up when the bottle shimmers at her ministrations and illuminates her hands.

“It’s so pretty! How did you know orange is my favorite color?” The girl slides down your arms and quickly hugs the hunter in front of you before running away and showing her friends. You look at her with longing in your eyes, wishing with all your heart that you saw the gift the same way she saw it.

“Still no color princess?” Fett questions and you shrug your shoulders as you make your way towards Slave I and sit on the ramp.

“Yup, same old same old. Who knows if I’ll ever see color.” There is a hint of hurt in your tone but Fett says nothing as he approaches you and stands to the side. He pats your shoulder once as he takes his helmet off and softly wipes at the visor to clean it.

“Don’t give up, kid. You’re still young...you’ve got all the time in the galaxy and you travel everywhere. You’ll meet them when you least expect it.”

“In this line of work? Yeah, I don’t think so Fett. But at least one of us didn’t lose the positive attitude. If I’m being honest, I was hoping to see color before the next supply run. The chances that I’ll live to go to Pasaana during another Festival of the Ancestors are practically non-existent. I heard they wear so many variations of the same color...maker, it would have been nice to experience that.” You pick up a rock and throw it away as you nervously ring your fingers and brush the conversation aside, not wanting to start the journey with a sour mood.

“Well, lucky for us, we have extra help on this run so it should be quicker. Maybe you’ll see color before you go?” Fett looks up and you follow his line of sight as another ship slowly lands just behind Slave I. You stand up and walk behind your old friend, looking back at the crates to ensure they’re still there before you approach the landing ship.

“Oh no, what poor soul did you manage to rope in this time?” You eye the ship and swear there is something familiar about it but you pay it no mind as Fett puts his helmet back on.

“Hey, I don’t always bend people to my will you know. He volunteered actually...he knows his way around the Narvath Sector and he might even tag along with us to the Forbidden Valley. So, be nice and don’t flirt with him.” Fett warns and you throw your hands up in defeat, failing to hide your smile as you respond with feigned offense.

“I’m not going to flirt with him.” You raise an eyebrow when Fett snorts at your high-pitched voice as he makes his way to the landing ship, and mutters something beneath his breath. The ship powers down after a couple of moments and you take a deep breath when the doors to the docking ramp slide and a figure appears at the corner.

“There he is...took you longer to land this time.” Fett yells to the other Mandalorian, not noticing how you take a few steps back as the man walks down towards the two of you.

“Oh well things just got a little more interesting now.” You break the silence and cringe when the Mandalorian struts past your friend and takes out his blaster. You hold your hands up when he points the weapon at your head and you watch as Fett strides to the two of you and stands in between your body and his brother’s weapon.

“You?” The Mandalorian growls and he tries to step aside and Fett holds his chest and pushes him back.

“Me!” You smile nervously and gulp when Fett turns around and looks at you. You swear you can almost see the look he’s giving you but you say nothing and hope that he can handle this situation for you.

“Oh.” You would have laughed at Fett’s response if there wasn’t a bounty hunter standing not five feet away from you and killing you a thousand different ways.

“You two know each other?” Fett breaks the silence and continues to stand between the two of you, knowing his friend’s short temper and your dumb comments might escalate this situation.

“I wouldn’t say we know each other. I’d say we met very briefly on-” You try to explain what happened the last time you saw the Mandalorian but he cuts you off. He pushes his blaster into its holster and you sigh heavily but keep your hands raised, afraid he'll change his mind any second and try to shoot you again.

“You almost blew up my ship!” The Mandalorian yells and you jump at his exclamation. His irritation seeps into your skin and you narrow your eyes at him as you walk around Fett and begin to nudge at the beskar armor with one finger. Your anger at his unfairness outgrows your fear of what he can do to you and you continue to push on his chest plate as you talk back at him and ignore Fett’s whispers to let it go.

“I did no such thing. I merely tried to fix your shitty cooling radiator panels but you scared the fuck out of me when you came up behind me and suggested I switch the parts, hence why I dropped the cauterizer and burned through the wires. So technically, you almost blew up your ship.” You’re breathing heavily and you’re sure your nose is flaring from how annoyed you are by the man in front of you. A few seconds pass between the two of you and it’s not until the Mandalorian tilts his head that you realize what you’ve just said and done. You take your hands away and swallow the growing lump in your throat as you step back and apologize a few times before you walk to the crates.

The Mandalorian stands there in silence, never once looking away from you retreating form, even when Boba Fett comes and stands him.

He’s missed this, and more than he preferred to admit.

“Little princess is fiery today.” Fett comments and notices when his friend turns and stares at him through the visor. The Mandalorian says nothing as he walks away from Fett and follows you. You’re in the middle of counting the supplies in the crates when you hear the crunching of footsteps approaching you. Thinking it’s Fett that’s come to help you move the supplies, you roll up your sleeves and ask him to take the opposite side.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to yell at your brother. I was just annoyed because I was only trying to help and he scared me.” When you look up and see that it was the Mandalorian and not your friend, you drop the crate and stare at him. He says nothing as he picks up his end of the large box and waits for you to mirror his actions before he begins to walk back to his ship. Neither of you say anything as you go back and forth until all the crates are on his ship. You walk out and stand next to Fett, waiting for his instructions to see whether you were going to go with him or with the new member of the crew.

“So what’s the plan?” You avoid the Mandalorian standing next to you and turn your body towards Fett, hoping that he’d say that you were tagging along with him.

“You’re going to go with him.” You cease to breathe at his command and clench your fists when you recognize his tone. He’s not leaving room for negotiation.

“W-why?” The Mandalorian walks back to his ship at your question and you pout when you realize that he may have misunderstood your inquiry. Not that it mattered whether or not he misunderstood...

“Fennec...we’ll meet you at Iktotchon.” You look to the ground and shuffle your feet against the sand, turning back to him and nodding quietly as you follow behind the Mandalorian.

“And princess!” Fett calls for you and you glance at him when you reach the top of the ramp.

“Hmm?”

“Try not to get into too much trouble.” You look at him with annoyance and shake your head when you realize he’s just teasing you. Standing at the large doors of the ship, you glimpse one last time at Mos Eisley before you make your way into the heart of the ship. A few moments later, the ship powers up and you watch as the barrier raises and locks just as light filters through the area. You’re not sure what you’re supposed to do or where you’re allowed to go so you remain standing where you are. Not a minute later, you jump when a voice breaks the silence and booms through the ship.

“Come up to the cockpit.”

You take a deep, calming breath as you set your things to the side and ascend the ladder to the cockpit. You come face to face with a door and you’re about to knock when it slides open and reveals the Mandalorian sitting in the pilot chair.

“Sit down and buckle up.” He says as he flicks on buttons across the board. He turns his head towards you to make sure that you’re buckled in before he raises the throttle levers and begins to take off. You hold back from saying something snarky as the turbulence gets worse, only shutting your eyes when it gets to be too much. You’re not sure how long you’re sitting there with your hands clasping the leather of the chair but it’s only when you hear the seat in front of you turning that you realize you were already in space.

You frown when you open your eyes and see the Mandalorian already looking at you, the tilt of his helmet letting you know that he was silently mocking you.

“What?” You break the silence and watch as he rights himself before he turns around and pushes the auto-pilot button.

“You’re a supply dealer who hates flying.” It’s more of a question than a comment and you can’t help but narrow your eyes when he stands up and continues to stare at you.

“So?”

“Not a good quality of life.” If you’re surprised by his response, you try not to show it as you stand up and face him defensively like before.

“Says the man who wears beskar armor every minute of the day.” It’s a low blow and you know you have no right involving his religion. But you’re fed up with his passive aggressiveness and you want to make sure he knows that he can’t talk down to you.

The Mandalorian turns away and looks at the passing stars of the galaxy, softly whispering for you to follow him as he exits the cockpit. You want to apologize for what you said but you hold back instead, following him down the ladder and standing to the side when you see him moving things around.

“This is my cot, and that right there is yours.” He points to two doors across from each other at the end of the hallway and waits for your confirmation before he walks past them and shows you the refresher.

“Help yourself to any of the rations. We’ll arrive at Iktotchon in four sleeping cycles so there should be enough food for the two of us until we get there.” You’re not sure what makes you reach for his wrist when he turns around to walk away. He stands still and looks down at the hand grasping his beskar before he looks at you.

“S-sorry...I- umm, are you coming to Pasaana?” You ring your fingers nervously as you look at yourself in his visor, taking two steps back when he straightens up and looks down at your hands.

“You’re going to the Festival of the Ancestors.”

“Yes. Well, it’s me, Mando, and Fennec. So I was just wondering, you know, if there was...if you had anything lined up after this supply run. Because if not, you can tag along...it only happens every-”

“42 years. I know.” He cuts you off and you’re not sure if his body-language seems more open or not but within a few seconds of chatting with him, he’s suddenly relaxing and leaning back against the metal wall. He’s silent for longer than you prefer so you force a smile and rub the back of your neck awkwardly as you prepare to tell him to forget that you asked since he probably has more important matters to handle.

“Ok.” It’s a simple response yet you feel your skin heat up as he nods at you and walks to his quarters. He hesitates at the door for a moment before he pushes the button and steps into the privacy of his room.

You let out a deep breath and stand in your spot for a few minutes before you slip back to the docking space to bring your belongings to the room. The ship is surprisingly more quiet than others you’ve been on and you remember what he told you about it the last time you saw him. A faint memory of how he defended the size of his ship makes you giggle. Then again, you’ve heard from Peli about the piece of junk he had before this and knew that it was barely considered as machinery.

“Maker, how am I going to make it four days on this ship with him?” You shake your head as you prepare to go to bed. The twin suns were just setting on Tatooine when you were leaving and you knew it was better to get as much sleep in as possible considering how quickly things sometimes escalated on these kinds of runs.

Surprisingly, things weren’t too bad when you left your sleeping cot the following day. The Mandalorian was already awake and cleaning his weapons. You bid him a quick good morning as you moved past him and looked for some snacks. He didn’t seem like he wanted to converse with you so you opted to stay in your room for the remainder of your waking hours. A voice in your head told you to keep the door open in case he did want to chat eventually but as you thought, he never once disturbed you.

The second day on the ship was perhaps slightly more eventful. Although he continued to pass his time in silence, he did manage to ask you to help him fix something in the cockpit. You were shocked he requested your services with ease and said nothing as he stood aside and watched you tinker away with the radar display screen. He thanked you twice when you finished and told you that he’d let you know if he needed your help with anything else.

The third day, however, made you wish you could open the docking doors and throw yourself out in space. You hadn’t seen him all morning long and you thought it was probably because he wanted some privacy in the cockpit. By the middle of the day, you jumped out of your cot and grabbed some spare clothes as you headed to the refresher, wanting to shower once before you landed on the sand-filled planet the following. As you walked to the door and pushed the button, you were met with a heavy fog escaping the room. When the fog cleared, you dropped your clothes and slammed your hands on your eyes, immediately backing away from the room as the Mandalorian scrambled to wrap something around his waist. You weren’t sure how many times you apologized in the span of one minute but when you heard the familiar sound of a blaster turning on, you stood in silence and waited for him to say something.

“Pfassk, do you have no kriffing regard for privacy?” He growled through the vocoder and you shook your head to try and explain to him that you saw nothing but his back.

“I- maker, I’m so sorry. I swear on my life I didn’t see anything except your back. I didn’t know you were in there...I really didn’t or else I wouldn't have gone in.” You sigh in relief when you hear him murmur to himself as he sets down the blaster and shuffles around in search of his clothes.

“What do you mean you didn’t know I was in there? The red light was on, which usually means someone is in the fucking refresher using it.” Hearing him swear shouldn’t make you shiver and yet you do. When you notice that he’s gone still, you assume it’s safe to look at him again. Taking a deep breath, you turn around and lower your hands as you muster up the courage to try and explain to him why you couldn’t see the red light.

And boy was that a mistake. You regret removing your hands from your eyes as soon as you take a good look at him. Turns out, the beskar armor only made him look more intimidating. The man was large, made to be a hunter. He was broad-shouldered, muscular in all the right places and soft in others. You unintentionally frown when you see his bronze skin littered with scars of all shapes and sizes. Maker, the life he led was worse than you thought.

“I- uhh, I don’t...I couldn’t see it.” You hated how much your voice broke when you tried to explain yourself. As much as you wanted to blame it on being afraid of him, you knew it was less about the danger he exuded and more about the fact that you could see more of his skin than you thought you ever would.

“Excuse me?”

“I didn’t know it was red.” You knew none of what you were saying was making sense but this wasn’t exactly a situation that you thought you’d find yourself having to deal with, and with the Mandalorian of all people.

“Are you fucking with me?” He was less hostile than earlier but his words were still spoken aggressively. You couldn’t blame him really, especially when you knew how strict his religion was.

“N-no. I- my species doesn’t see color until- well, it doesn’t matter. My species doesn’t see color. We just see grays. I’m sorry...I should have asked before if there was anything I needed to learn about the ship that required me seeing colors. It escaped me. I’ll try to pay more attention...I promise you I saw nothing.” You take one last glance at the heaving, glistening body in front of you before you turn around and walk in your room. You shut the door behind you this time, knowing that he probably wanted some of his privacy back and that he would need to limit himself should you keep it open.

It’s not until a few hours later that you sit up when you hear a soft knock on your door. You stand up and push open the barrier, finding the Mandalorian standing in front of you with his helmet looking straight at your reluctant expression. You wait for him to say something and when he doesn’t, you raise your eyebrows and silently ask him if he needs anything.

“I didn’t know about your...I didn’t know. And I didn’t mean to scare you with the blaster either, it’s a reflex to- umm.” You nod at him and look down to see what he’s holding in his hands. “You left your clothes lying on the floor.” He pushes the fabric towards you and averts his eyes when he sees your undergarments peaking through the shirt. You thank him as you set them down on your bag and look into his visor again.

“Ad'ika?”

“Hmm?”

“I’m sorry.” The whispered exclamation does little to calm your nerves and you’re not sure what to say to him so you nod and awkwardly smile into the shiny beskar helmet. The Mandalorian murmurs a quick ‘good night’ before he makes his way to the cockpit, leaving you as confused as ever.

You don’t get an ounce of sleep that night, the image of him in nothing but a helmet and some flimsy pants making you wish he had shot you with his blaster instead. You refuse to admit the rising emotions you’re beginning to feel towards him, mostly because it didn’t matter whether or not he reciprocated them.

You still couldn’t see color.

He wasn’t your soulmate.

You’re afraid to leave the room the next morning, not sure which version of the Mandalorian you were going to have to deal with. It turns out, there was nothing to worry about because not surprisingly, you got the quiet, slightly shy man chatting with you. He pretends nothing happened the previous day and you go along with it. You’re just about to enter the atmosphere of Iktotchon when you receive a hologram from Fett telling the two of you of the sandstorm passing through the meeting point.

As you buckle into the seat behind the Mandalorian, he takes a moment to turn around and call for you.

“There’s going to be turbulence.”

“I- I know.” You barely hold back from furrowing your eyebrows at his comment but then he turns around to face you completely and you narrow your eyes at him with suspicion.

“I’ve landed on worse planets.” It takes you a few extra seconds to realize what he’s attempting to do and you can’t help but laugh and break the moment. You quiet down when he turns around and begins to descend to the planet.

“Are you worried about little old me Mandalorian?” You try to distract yourself from the sudden, harsh shaking of the ship but the teasing does little to calm your nerves when you realize that the sandstorm was as bad as Fett made it sound. You shut your eyes and try to picture the calm nights you’re so used to on Tatooine.

“You know, you can just call me Mando.” His voice breaks you out of your haze and you growl in response when you hear a few sounds go off above you.

“No, I- I can’t call you that. I reserved it for the other guy already!”

“You mean the Mandalorian who already told you his name?” He claps back and chuckles when you sigh in irritation at his question.

“Fine okay you’re right. How about this? Can you land this fucking ship without killing the two of us Mando?” You’re screaming at the top of your lungs and grasp the belt around your torso harder when you don’t hear back from him.

“Mando?”

“You mean the ship I already landed ad’ika?” Your eyes shoot wide open and you look around frantically, only to see that most of the turbulence you experienced was due to the sand and gravel hitting the metal of the ship.

“Oh...that was- not as bad as I thought it would be.”

“Anything beats Maldo Kreis.” Mando says as he stands there across from you and the slight tilt of his helmet at your confused expression makes you realize he may not have meant to say that out loud.

“We need to go. The storm will only get worse if we wait until night.” You nod in agreement and follow him out of the cockpit to the docking station. Mando instantly regrets lowering the docking ramp when he sees gravel quickly entering the ship. You run to your room to grab the helmet you brought with you and lock it in as you return to help him with the crates.

It’s a difficult few hours on the planet, and you grow more irritated when the Ikotchi threatens you with less supply exchanges. When his demeanor suddenly changes and he asks you to take the crates and leave, you thank him and quickly take the crates up the ramp with Fennec before he changes his mind. You never once notice both Mandalorians as they subtly push their blasters back into their holsters.

You’re leaving Iktotchon later than you prefer, mostly because both bounty hunters find themselves in a heated argument that Fennec has to end not-so-gently. You don’t bother asking Mando what the issue was when you see him strutting into the cockpit, quickly strapping yourself in when he glances at you to make sure you’re safe.

It’s a rough take off for both his ship and Slave I, but you say nothing of it, knowing that he might not appreciate any light teasing at the moment. Once you’re out of the planet’s atmosphere, Mando puts in the coordinates for Pasaana and sends a hologram to Fett, letting him know that you would be reaching the planet in less than a day.

You want to ask him if you could help in any way but you decide against it and leave him to his thoughts. You want nothing more than to take a long, hot shower to rid yourself of all the sand that managed to seep into your clothes. But then you notice the state of the docking area and before you can talk yourself out of it, you look around for anything that resembles a sweeper and clean as much of the floor as you can. You’re thankful that Mando doesn’t leave the cockpit and when you’re done, you go back into your room to grab a change of clothes so you could use the refresher.

You think you hear Mando passing by your room but you say nothing and make your way to the refresher, halting in your steps when you look at the light and find it turned off.

Great.

“Mando? Are you in there?” You’re not sure if he can hear you or not so you try to ask him again a little louder.

“Mando!? Are you i-”

“No.” You jump as soon as you hear him respond from behind you. Turning around, you clutch at your chest when you see him standing in front of his door without the beskar armor.

“I- uhh, t-there’s no light. And I wasn’t sure what that meant really.” You’re ringing your fingers again, and hope that he doesn’t notice just how nervous you are in his presence.

“Well I- I rewired the electrical circuits of the refresher so you know when it’s occupied and when it isn’t. If the light is on, it means I’m in there, and if it isn’t, then it’s free for use. No more colores.”

You look at him as if he took off his helmet, trying to wrap your mind around the fact that he went out of his way to accommodate you when you’re only on his ship for another few days.

“Thank you,” is all you manage to say before you push the door and scramble in. Mando looks at the door for another few minutes before he remembers that he hasn’t eaten in a while. He cooks up a meal for two quickly and eats his share before you finish your shower. When he hears you walking out, he sits in his usual corner and brings out his weapons to polish them.

You smell food as soon as you walk out of the refresher and you throw your clothes on your cot before you make your way to the large space across the hallway. You’re about to ask Mando about the food situation when you see a plate opposite of him on the table.

“It’s yours.” Mando breaks the silence as he wipes in between the crevasses of his blaster, nodding towards the space in front of him to let you know that you could join him,

“Thank you Mando.”

Neither of you say anything as you inhale your dinner and it’s not until you’ve washed your plates and set them aside that Mando decides to break the silence.

“Can I ask you something?”

“S-sure.” You think he’s going to ask you what it’s like to not see colors and to only see gradations of gray but his question catches you off guard.

“When can your species see color?” If you were uncomfortable by his question, you did a good job hiding it from him. Mando watches as you push off the wall and return to sit in front of him, lazily pushing around the towel he was holding as you answer him.

“This might sound stupid and I’m usually told that it’s not real but I’ve seen those of my kind experience the second they could see color so I know it’s not just a fable we’re told when we’re young. Basically, we see color when we meet our soulmates.” Mando’s heart breaks when you throw him a forced smile, one he’s seen a million times looking back at him in the mirror.

“Your soulmate?”

“Yup, the person I’m destined to be with. My other half. The one that will belong to me and I to him.” Mando nods along with you as he stands up and hangs up his weapons one by one.

“I know what you’re thinking. What’s someone like me going to do at the Festival of the Ancestors? Honestly, I think it’ll be fun to attend it whether or not I can see the colors. It’s a rich culture so I’m sure I’ll enjoy it either way.”

“I can always walk around with you and describe to you the colors, t-the patterns even. If...if you want.” His suggestion throws you off guard and as earlier, you gape at him as you try to figure out what he was playing at. You think he’s pulling your leg and will laugh at you at any moment, but when he doesn’t, you realize that he’s being dead serious.

“That would be nice Mando. I might not see the colors but I could always imagine what they look like next to each other.”

And just like that, the conversation is over as quickly as it begins.

“Good night mesh’la.” Mando murmurs as he makes his way to his quarters, leaving you more hopeful than you’ve felt in a long while.

It’s a weird thing to admit but for the first time in years, you don’t go to sleep wishing you could wake up and see colors. No. You doze off wondering what it would feel like to hold his hand and maybe, just maybe, kiss it. You think of how soft his untouched skin must feel like and how calloused his scarred muscles would look.

When you dream that night, you see faint images of his lips caressing yours and his firm arms bringing you into his embrace.

And you wake up with a lazy smile etched on your face because those dreams, those sweet, lovely memories your brain conjured up during the night, felt as good as seeing color.

You can’t look at him for the duration of the morning, constantly pretending that you’re doing something or other so he doesn’t think you’re avoiding him because the last thing you wanted was to make him think you didn’t want to talk to him. But you just can’t find it in yourself to look into his visor. Every time you so much as glance at the beskar helmet, you remember what your subconscious conjured up and you stutter out a response to whatever he says.

Not surprisingly, Mando notices the shift in your behavior and he waits until you finish fixing the crates’ locks, which were clearly not broken, before he approaches you.

“Mesh’la.”

“Yes Mando?” You’re still not looking at him and Mando starts to genuinely believe that he’s done something wrong. When you try to walk past him to place the tool back in your room, Mando reaches out and takes hold of your wrist before you’re out of reach. You look at his gloved hand wrapped around your skin before you meet his eyes past his visor and Mando holds his breath because for a moment, he thinks you can see straight through him.

“You’re angry with me.”

You never realize until this moment that Mando tends to ask most of his questions in the form of a statement and it’s strange. It’s strange because it never occurred to you that he’s the type to perhaps jump to conclusions when he can’t read the situation. Setting the tool box down, you stand up and fix your shirt as you muster up the courage to respond to him.

“I’m not. I’m not angry with you. I’m- it’s...difficult to explain.” His hold loosens but he’s standing in your space and you think it’s because he’s not totally convinced by your answer and won’t let it go until you give him a proper explanation for the sudden change in your treatment.

“It’s difficult to explain why you’re not angry with me.”

There it goes again, that weird phrasing of his inner thoughts. You huff in irritation and Mando misunderstands your annoyed expression so he steps away and turns to look everywhere else but you.

“No, Mando...maker- yes it’s difficult to explain because you’re- no, not you. It’s not your fault it’s mine. I’m just not used to- gods why is this so hard?” You’re visibly stressed and it must be a sight because Mando comes back to stand in front of you and he rests one hand on your shoulder, waiting until you turn to look at him before he tries to break the anxiety-inducing silence.

“You don’t have to say anything if you don’t want to. I- I shouldn’t have offered to walk through the festival with you. I should have thought of how uncomfortable you’d feel before I selfishly asked t-” You perk up at his choice in words and you’re about to ask him what he meant by what he said but he doesn’t give you a chance. “Please believe me when I tell you I only wanted to...I thought it might help.”

“You see, this is exactly why I’m avoiding you.” You’re not sure who’s more surprised by your little outburst but when his hold tightens around your shoulder, you think maybe it’s him.

“So you are avoiding me.”

“Yes okay? I am, I’m avoiding you because the last few days felt like a whiplash of emotions and I don’t know what I’m feeling right now. One minute you’re angry and quiet and it’s as if I’m not in the same space as you, and the next thing I know, you’re rewiring your damn ship so I know how to use it and then offering to pretty much waste your time during one of the most beautiful festivals in the galaxy just to make sure I’m enjoying myself. And...and it’s difficult because I feel myself falling but I don’t want to because I’m afraid...I’m afraid you won’t be there to catch me...because you don’t have to. Because why would you when-”

You’re not sure how you got to this moment but all you know is that you're’ suddenly surrounded by Mando and the cold beskar armor and his natural musk and this unique woodsy scent and it’s-

It’s breathtaking.

“Cyar’ika, I didn’t know...I didn’t know I was causing you this much distress. It’s difficult for me to- to speak my he- to speak at times. I wasn’t thinking of how I’m coming off and I was so busy trying to figure out my- my own feelings...that I didn’t stop and think of what you must be going through.” His voice is low and you think perhaps that it’s breaking with every word he whispers through the vocoder, so you do the only thing you think of at the moment. Reluctantly, you wrap as much of your arms around him as physically possible, hoping he’d understand that you were listening to him and no longer trying to ignore him.

“Mando-”

“I- I volunteered for this supply run.” You’re not sure how this relates to this current affair but you sink further into his embrace, hoping that he wouldn’t shy away from explaining why he’s bringing this up now.

“I know. Fett told me.”

“Did he tell you why?” Mando replies instantly and you furrow your eyebrows even though you know he can’t see you.

“N-no.”

“I- I couldn’t stop thinking of you. Ever since the last time I saw you, I’ve been at war with myself, with what I was allowing to happen. I knew you weren’t to blame with the cauterizer but I couldn’t accept my heart letting you...maker, I can see why you said this is difficult.” He chuckles nervously and you hold your breath in anticipation because he isn’t, he can’t be admitting what you think he is.

“W-what’re you saying Mando?”

“I’m saying I need you cyar’ika. I’m saying, I’ve been dreaming of you for the past 53 sleeping cycles. I’m saying, I can’t bear the thought of not seeing you after Pasaana.” You don’t realize how long you’ve been holding your breath until you exhale against him and Mando pulls away, keeping his helmet aimed to the floor as he continues. “And if- if you can give me a chance, I’d like to- I’d like to...well, I’m not exactly sure what you enjoy doing but I’d like to do it with you. You don't have to give me an answer now. I know I’m being selfish and I know that I- I don’t belong with you because you haven't seen color yet. But please, please consider this. Consider me.” His voice is much more reserved, lower even, than before and you realize it’s because he was probably considering not telling you up until now.

Your heart breaks at his last words because this was never something you thought you’d have to deal with. But looking back at the last few days, no matter how confusing or strange they were, you can’t help but admit how alive you’ve felt.

You know he doesn’t expect you to answer him right away and you know you should take some time to think over what he’s asking of you.

So when you lay both of your hands on his chest and ask him to look at you, Mando thinks you’re going to reject him and you feel his muscles tense when you step closer to him.

“I do...I- I am considering this Mando, I have been for the past few nights if I’m being honest...it’s actually part of the reason why I couldn’t look at you today. I woke up with this unusual thought, well, unusual to me. It’s been so long since I stopped thinking about seeing color and directed all of my attention to something, or rather, someone else.” You smile up into the visor and slowly reach to rest your hand on the space between his helmet and his cowl. The mere touch of your skin shakes him to his core and Mando has to clench his fists so he doesn’t lose control over himself.

“Today was the first time I woke up not caring if I hadn’t seen color because- because being with you, and- and talking with you and staying on this ship with you felt like I’ve already seen color. I don’t know what’s going to happen when I do...if I do, but I know that I’d like to give this, us, a shot.”

“You...you do mesh’la?” He almost sounds like a young child asking his parents for permission to have something and when you nod at him, Mando can’t hold back anymore. He wraps his arms around you once more, and carries you off the ground, smiling to himself when he hears you giggling at his dramatic display of affection.

He pulls away and you think he’s about to say something but a message comes through to the ship and Mando apologizes quickly before he ascends to the cockpit. You stay planted in your spot for what feels like hours before you hear Mando telling you that you’re nearing Pasaana. When you get to the cockpit and take your usual seat, Mando rises from his chair and approaches you, kneeling down at your feet to buckle your belt easier and ensure that you’re safe. It’s a small gesture but you know he’s conveying a thousand emotions in that little tap to make sure that you’re buckled in properly and when you smile at him, he reaches over and pushes a stray hair behind your ears before he returns to his pilot chair.

You don’t feel the turbulence once, mostly because you’re too busy replaying the brief moment over and over again in your mind until you’re sure you’ve committed it to memory.

Mando has to tap on your shoulder twice once he lands, and you nod in affirmation when he asks if you were feeling alright. The two of you make your way out of the ship just as Slave I lands. When you glance at Mando to ask him about the argument between him and Fett, you find him already staring at you. You smile at him and watch as he looks away apologetically. Maybe he really was as nervous as you.

“You’re coming along then?” Fett says to Mando as you make your way towards the desert and you pretend to focus on the dozens of kites flying in the air, unsure whether you were meant to be a part of this conversation or not.

Mando replies in Mando’a and you look to Fennec to ask her something about the kites to try and ignore the two men who may or may not have been talking about you. You’re about to ask Fennec about the colors of the flying toys when Mando steps in between the two of you and takes hold of your upper arm, pushing you ahead of the others so he could get a private moment with you.

“Is- are you okay?”

“Fine. He’s being difficult.” His curt answer lets you know that he wasn’t going to reveal what that whole ordeal was about so you nod and try to fall in step with him. You’re about to ask him about the colors of the kites when Mando leans over and whispers in your ears.

“Those two over there are red, like the color of the twin suns on Tatooine when they’re just setting. And, that one over there, the large one flying higher than the rest, it’s a dark blue...like the night sky.” You try to not let the proximity of his body affect you but the more he tells you of the colors, the closer you want him to get to you.

“That smaller one is light green, like many of the plants on Felucia.”

“I’ve never been to Felucia.” You admit to him as you keep your gaze on the kites, trying to differentiate between the colors but barely noticing a difference between the grays.

“I can take you there.” He offers with ease and you look into the visor and smile at him. “I’d like that.”

You can vaguely feel their eyes on you but you don’t bother to pay attention to them, wanting to spend as much time with Mando as you could. Once you reach the edge of the festival, you thank the Aki-Aki that approach you and wrap a necklace of flowers around you. You laugh when they reluctantly look at Mando and he sighs heavily at your death stare before he leans down and allows one of them to place a necklace around his cowl as well.

“Hey Mando?”

“Hmm.”

“Do the necklaces look the same?” Mando turns around and sees Fett and Fennec look away from the two of you. He waits until they walk the opposite direction before he looks at you and takes hold of your necklace.

“Yours have lighter colors...yellow, orange, white, pink and a few light greens here and there. Mine is darker. This is purple, and these are blue...and all of these are dark red and brown.” He points to each of the flowers and tells you its color, never once noticing the way you’re looking at him and hanging onto every single word he says.

When you hear the sound of distant music playing, you take Mando’s hand and make your way through the crowd, telling him that you want to see what they’re doing on the other side of the festival. Mando says nothing as you pull him through, only responding when you directly ask him about the color of the caravan fabrics and laughing when you joke about how he technically blends into the surroundings. And when you come across a large crate that you can vaguely see some designs on, Mando offers to make room for it on his ship so you can get it. It’s a long argument between the two of you but he wins in the end, telling you that he genuinely wanted to gift you something that you can remember him with and might enjoy some day. You almost cry at the unspoken implications of his words but when he shrugs his shoulders and hands over the credits, you quietly thank him and let the seller know that you’ll be taking it before you leave.

Over the next few hours, Mando never leaves your side once, even when you tell him that he should enjoy his time as well. You notice how he changes the subject every time you ask him to explore by himself and giggle when he responds with an opinion on some of the color combinations. It’s quite comical to be in the presence of such an intimidating individual who’s complaining about how ‘that blue doesn’t go too well with this red.’

As you’re making your way through the different caravans, you notice a table displaying a dozen large cloaks. Turning to Mando, you see that he’s busy asking one of the sellers if they have similar shirts but in darker colors. You walk to the table on the other side and look through the capes to try and differentiate between them. When you realize that it’s of no use, you hold one up and call for him to ask if he should buy a new one.

“Hey Mando, maybe you should get this instead of-”

The question dies in your throat when Mando glances away from the vendor and holds your gaze. Your brain refuses to catch up with what your eyes are seeing for what feels like an eternity and your hand flies to your chest and clench it tightly as your heart skips a beat at the sight in front of you. It takes a few seconds for you to inhale deeply when you realize that you aren’t breathing and you feel your heart skip a beat when you watch Mando strut towards you. He drops what he’s holding in his hands and takes a few strides in your way, not caring to hold back as he wraps one arm around your waist while the other rests on your neck and tilts your head so he could take a better look at you. You still can’t wrap your mind around what just happened and you’re not sure what he’s saying until he lightly shakes you in his arms and raises his voice to grab your attention.

Maker, his voice was unlike anything you’ve ever heard. It was hoarse yet calming, the kind of calming that one could only dream of feeling.

“Mesh’la, what’s wrong? Are you okay?” His voice shakes you to your core and your eyes shift down to his lips, tilting your head to the side when you follow the scruff peppering his handsome features and memorize the different colors of his hair. Gods, you couldn’t put a name to any of them but you knew you liked the combination of the light and dark outlining his sharp jaw.

“I- I don’t...maker. You’re...you’re-” You’re unable to form a coherent thought and as you reach out to touch his cheeks, Mando clenches his jaw but doesn’t dare to move a muscle. He realizes that this is the first time you see him without his helmet and he finds himself praying that you find him, at the very least, okay to look at. His hold on you eases when he feels the palm of your hand caress the side of his face before you push his hair aside. Mando nuzzles into your touch and he shuts his eyes to commit this moment to memory. The last time someone was this gentle with him broke his heart, but he found himself longing for a similar feeling with you. Only if it was you.

“N-no...please. Look at me.” Your whispered request drowns out the music of the festival and Mando’s eyes flutter open immediately. He looks down at you and can’t help but shift his focus to your parted lips as you try to speak again.

“Mando? What...what color are your eyes?” You hold your breath as Mando’s gaze softens when he meets your eyes again. He doesn’t know why you’re asking but he answers you anyway.

“Brown.” His voice breaks but then you’re smiling up at him as you reach for his cheek with your other hand and rest it on his heated skin. He’s not sure what brought about any of this but he can’t care less, not when you were here, in his arms, touching him so gently and looking at him like he was the only one that mattered across the galaxy.

“Hmm...they’re a beautiful color.” The admission sends a shiver down his spine and he doesn’t register the meaning behind your words until he sees your expression change to one of panicked shock.

Oh.

“You can see color?” Mando doesn’t intend to sound so accusative but his tone must have been harsh because you nod and snatch your hands away from him as if he’s burned you. You don’t dare look anywhere else as the reality of the situation settles in your mind.

It’s him. It’s been him all along.

“I- I can see color.”

Mando watches as you blink in confusion before you look to the side. You do a double-take when you see the vibrant colors of the festival and Mando steps away as you walk around him and approach a caravan hanging clothing of all color gradations. You ignore everything else as you softly trace the different colors and patterns on the garments before you walk over to the next little cart and stare at the vibrant jewelry. There’s so much to take in and you forget for a moment where you are. When you look away and turn your eyes to the sky, you can’t help but smile at seeing the kites gliding through the air. You don’t know which one you want to focus on because they’re all so pretty so you stand in there for a few moments to take it all in.

It’s not until you feel a presence next to you that you remember how you came to see this new world. When you begin to ring your fingers anxiously, Mando takes a step towards you and takes your hands in his palms.

“Cyar’ika, do you need anything?” He doesn’t know what to say and your lungs refuse to expand when you finally look at him again.

You spent years conjuring up different scenarios in your head to try and anticipate what to expect when you finally meet your soulmate. But standing here, in front of Mando, in the middle of the Festival of the Ancestors, you realize that this compares to nothing.

“I- I don’t…”

“If you want me to go-”

“No! N-no, please. Stay here with me. Stay here with...me.” Y

ou tighten your hold around his hands to prevent him from leaving. Mando nods and turns back to the caravan he was standing by to grab his helmet. You say nothing as he carries it and looks at you, but your eyes must give you away because Mando throws you a quick smile as he keeps it on his side and leads you through the festival.

Neither of you discuss the new development but you don’t ignore it either. You continue to steal glances from each other every now and then, especially when Mando leans over and tells you about each of the colors. Except this time, he doesn’t tell you so you could imagine what they look like. He tells you so you could memorize what each pigment is and begin to recognize them on your own. It’s almost as if nothing changed with how often Mando describes to you the gradations and patterns, but you know that this was far from the truth. And with the way Mando breathes softly against your forehead when he leans down to talk to you, you sense that he knows this as well.

He’s much more forward with his touches now, perhaps even a little shameless too. Hours ago, he would apologize if he pushed you by accident or shifted closer to you. But now, he was walking with you with one hand on your lower back and he would stand longer behind you as you asked about a new color shade.

As the sun slowly sets across the sky, you turn to Mando and wait for him to finish his drink before you ask him about the others.

“Do you mind if we don’t tell the others just yet?” You watch as Mando’s expression falls and you shake your head immediately so he doesn’t misunderstand the reason behind your request.

“Not because I don’t want them to know about us, I- maker, it’s just that I’ve experienced so many changes in the span of a few days and I want to make sense of things without...without someone asking me too many questions about what I’m feeling. I want to let this sink in? And- and I’d like it if it’s just you and me. Please.” Mando is quiet for a while and you think that maybe it was the wrong thing to say to him.

“Us?”

You can’t hold back your laughter at the soft question and you almost fall over from how hard you’re giggling at him.

“That’s what you took away from everything I just said?” You sigh in relief when he mirrors you and chuckles in return.

“I’m sorry cyar’ika, I- of course. Whatever you need from me.” He’s a man of few words but he somehow knows what to say to calm your nerves.

“Thank you Mando.” You say as you turn your attention back to the setting sun to watch the colors change across the sky.

“Din Djarin.” He whispers to you after a long while, and you meet his eyes briefly, your furrowed eyebrows silently asking him what he was referring to.

“My name is Din Djarin.” His gaze is piercing and you find it much more intense now that you know for a fact that they’re your favorite color. “So you can start calling the other guy Mando again.” Your heart skips a beat when you see dimples appear on his cheeks as he grins at his own joke, and nudges your shoulder so you could relax into him again. You say nothing and lean against his shoulder, resting your head on his beskar armor and enjoying the cold sensation against your heated skin.

You’re not sure how long the two of you sit there in your bubble and watch the festival as it continues on for, but you’re interrupted when Fett approaches you and clears his throat to catch your attention.

“We’re leaving.” The Mandalorian says as he watches you closely. You think you’re being subtle studying his armor but Fett notices how you continue to look between him and Din’s and he tilts his head to the side as he turns to his friend and barely holds back from smirking at him.

Din nods and lets them know that you would be returning with him back to Mos Eisley. Fennec is about to ask why the two of you are acting differently when Fett shakes his head as he looks at you.

“Until next time princess,” Din’s posture straightens when he hears the nickname and narrows his eyes at the man trying to get a rise out of him.

“Usenye.” You snap out of your haze when you hear Din growl at his brother and wave goodbye to him and Fennec as they walk away from you.

“Is everything okay between the two of you?”

“Yes sweet girl, don’t worry about it.” You flush at the pet name and Din notices how you shiver at his touch when he raises your chin to take a better look at you. He slowly leans towards you, never once breaking eye contact as he grows closer to your lips. “Is- is this okay?” He asks and refuses to move a muscle until you respond to him. You’re already breathless and he has barely touched you but you muster up the courage to answer him.

“Y-yes.”

He smirks when your hoarse voice fans over his cheeks and as much as you wish for him to take whatever he wants, you’re thankful that he’s being patient with you and ensuring that you’re comfortable.

“Sweet girl,” Din whispers as he finally captures your lips in a chaste kiss. It’s at this precise moment that the festivities begin to pick up but you don’t notice the fireworks filling the skies or the music growing louder. You shut your eyes and hold onto Din’s wrists as he moves against you and deepens the kiss. When you gasp at his ministrations, Din’s hold on your neck tightens and he pushes you back until you lay on the blanket he set down for you. You moan as he slips his tongue past your lips and swirls his tongue across yours. Fisting your hands into his cowl, you try to pull him closer but cry out in pain when the beskar armor digs into your hips.

“I’m- I’m sorry mesh’la. I didn’t mean to-”

“No no it’s...it’s just your armor. I promise, I- I liked this.” You gulp nervously when you see an amused expression take over his handsome features.

“Is that so?” You don’t have time to react to his question, squealing in surprise when he suddenly stands up and pulls you along with him.

“What- where are we going?” You ask him as he pulls you through the multitude of visitors and Aki-Aki. He stops abruptly and speaks to one of the natives before he pushes you into the caravan standing behind him.

“Din, we can’t just-”

“I asked for his permission. Don’t you know, all of these are for visitors who want to stay the night.” You’re about to ask him why you’re staying the night out here instead of his ship but you can’t seem to form the question because you see Din taking his armor off.

It’s mesmerizing watching him take each beskar piece apart but when he’s down to just his clothes, it occurs to you that this night might be going somewhere else. Your nervousness must show on your face because Din walks towards you slowly and takes your hands in his. He kisses your wrists before leans over and rests his forehead against yours.

“Don’t worry cyar’ika, I’m not… I won’t- we’re not here to do anything other than talk. I didn’t feel comfortable taking my beskar off out there so-”

“I trust you Din.” You interrupt his word-vomit and lead him to one of the corners of the tent so you could lay down next to each other. When you rest your head on the pillow and finally look up, you’re met with a small opening in the ceiling of the caravan that gives you a perfect view of the blue night sky lighting up with fireworks.

When Din finally seats himself next to you, you whine in irritation and pull him down until he’s on his back next to you. Din never once lets go of your hand and he occasionally raises the palm of your hand to his lips to kiss across the skin.

“Can I ask you something?” You don’t look away from the fireworks when you speak, not wanting to miss seeing any of the vibrant shades of reds and yellows as they broke through the clouds.

“Anything sweet girl.”

“Why did you take off your helmet? I thought your Creed prevented you from showing your face.” You hope the question isn’t too insensitive or private, and when Din takes longer than you like to respond, you finally turn to him to apologize. But Din cuts you off before you can even say anything, keeping his focus on your wrist to distract him long enough so he could respond.

“I had a son once, well, he wasn’t mine physically but, he was mine. He was a foundling by Creed and I was tasked with bringing him back to his kind. It’s a long story that I could tell you another time but...when I had to give him up, I couldn’t bear the thought of him never seeing me without the helmet. I needed him to see me, to know what I willingly gave up and what I had to do to ensure his safety. I’d taken off my helmet once before and even thought it was my choice, I didn’t want to. But in that moment, before I watched him go, I decided that he was more important than my Creed. He was...he was everything to me. And it took a long time to realize that personal connections and relationships weren’t a weakness, they were a strength. My strength.” You’re not sure when you turned to your side and nuzzled into his embrace. But you couldn’t focus on anything else but him and the way his eyes twinkled in sadness when he mentioned his kid. It was a shocking admission and you never once thought of him in such a role but looking back at the last few days, you didn’t find it impossible. He was kind, quiet, sweet, adn patient.

“I keep my helmet on almost all the time but I only take it off around people I trust. I’m telling you this because- because I trust you. I trust you cyar’ika. I took it off earlier today because I wanted you to see me...and also because I was trying to pick out a gift for you. I figured if I didn’t preface it with anything that it would be less dramatic but- little did I know.” The indirect mention of the not-so-little change you experienced earlier today makes you smile.

“If I knew you needed to look into my eyes for you to see color, I would have taken off the helmet the first time I saw you.” He trails his nose across your cheek before he kisses your eyes and your forehead, smiling down at you when he sees how relaxed you feel in his arms.

“It wouldn’t have mattered.” Your response surprises him and he pulls away and looks at you quizzically.

“I- I saw you before my eyes saw you, Din. My heart chose you before my soul did. I...I think I knew when I saw you again…I think a part of me knew that you were it for me and that it didn’t matter if I didn’t see color with you because- because you were...you’re perfect.” You feel a weight lift off of your chest when you finally confess to him what you’ve been feeling for the past few days and you shift impossibly closer to him to let him know that you were telling the truth.

“I’m not perfect mesh’la.” His laugh is self-deprecating and he only stops when he feels your hand slip around his back and hold onto his shirt like your life depended on it.

“You are to me.” It’s perhaps too forward for him and Din doesn’t know how to react or respond to your confession so he nods at you and nuzzles into your neck to avoid any more of your intense emotions.

“You haven’t told me yet what your favorite color is.” He tries to change the topic, not expecting your response to shoot through his chest and into his heart like a blaster.

“Brown obviously.” You answer instantly and without hesitation.

“Why ‘obviously’?”

“Well, it’s-it’s your eye-color Din. What other color could be my favorite?”

His heart ceases to beat at your adamant reply and he pulls away again to look into your eyes to see if you were teasing him. Instead, he finds something swimming in your eyes that would have terrified his soul had he met you years ago.

“Ner kar’ta,” Din moans into your ear as he rests up on his elbow before molding his lips with yours again. You don't know what any of the Mando’a means but you have a pretty good idea of what he’s trying to convey in that moment and you wrap your arms around his neck and bring him closer to you. When he lays back down and pulls you into his side, you can’t help but take one last look at the night sky, finding the stars shimmering behind the multitude of fireworks. You watch the different colors blend with each other, and you almost cry when you see the yellows and greens and blues mixing so beautifully together to create new gradients across the galaxy.

But none of them compared to the color of Din’s eyes. And you go to sleep dreaming of the moment those kind, dark, brown orbs captured your soul and whispered affections into your heart.

Translations

Mesh’la - beautiful Cyar’ika - beloved/darling Ad’ika - little one Usenye - go away Ner kar’ta - my heart

Pedro Pascal (and any of his characters):

@pastel-0-princess @feelmyroarrrr @libbymouse @its--fandom--darling @spideysimpossiblegirl @princess76179 @cheekygeek05 @miraclesoflove @purple-mango @freeshavocadoooo @metalarmsandmanbuns @acthenerd @greeneyedblondie44 @cannedsoupsucks @purplepascal042 @talesfromtheguild @f0rever15elf @vibin-hippie @onesmokinbabe @leaiorganas @words-way-of-life @kideyz @lovesickmadsadpoet @niall7inches @rosiefridayrogersunday @tati-adventures @sleep-tight1 @itsfreeekinbats @cybergroupie @vibin-hippie @marsplsstop @mouthymandalorian @diogodxlot @janebby @juletheghoul

Din Djarin: @a--1--1--3 @tanzthompson

#din djarin x reader #din djarin/reader #din djarin fluff #the mandalorian x reader #the mandalorian/reader #the mandalorian fanfiction #din djarin fanfiction #din djarin #the mandalorian #pedro pascal #soulmate au

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ouyangzizhensdad · 4 years ago

Note

Do you think LWJ took the advantage of being a Young Master of a prominent clan to publicly display the people he hates? (We know who that is) I saw someone claim about it and It's haunting my head.

Hi anon,

I’ll start first by saying that I think the novel does, to a degree, understand that there are people who have, to use Bourdieu’s terms, forms of ‘capitals’ that others do not and integrate that into the narrative and character dynamics. LWJ has not only capital due to his position as a gongzi and the son of a Leader (then later, as heir-in-line) to one of the prominent clans, but also due to his stellar reputation and fighting abilities (and to a degree, the fact he is a man). All this allows him to have a wider range of actions that are considered ‘acceptable/legitimate’ versus another person with different or lesser forms of capital--think for instance of the reaction and consequences when LWJ challenges what powerful men are saying (making up) about WWX versus when daughter-of-a-servant MianMian does the same. However, I find it weird to frame that as LWJ “getting away” with something--with his character, it’s more like he is able to have an opinion or stand up against injustices with less chances of getting punished and ridiculed for it.

Now, if it is about Jiang Cheng, it is kind of a myopic argument to be saying that LWJ “gets away” with “publicly hating JC”. First because by that point JC is technically even higher in the social hierarchy, being a literal Sect Leader. But it’s also weird to phrase this as “publicly hating JC”: LWJ is not running around badmouthing JC or the Jiang sect--the pettiest we see him is when he doesn’t silence LJY when he engages in gossip about JC. Instead we see LWJ standing up against JC when the situation calls for it, which is not the same. Of course, as JC does, it can be considered as an inherent ‘insult’ since it makes JC ‘lose face’ but I think there is a difference. And it’s not like JC does not get away with being impolite towards LWJ and the Lan sect, something we see at Dafan Mountain.

We know with the MXY altercation that JC was ready to kill him on sight for using modao (”Do you have any last words?”/“Break his legs? Haven’t I told you? If you see this sort of evil and crooked practice, kill the cultivator and feed him to your dogs!”). After LWJ intercepts, we have this exchange showing JC being impolite to a degree that prompts LJY to call him out for it, only bringing more disrespect for the Lans from JC:

He raised one brow and spoke, “Hanguang-Jun, you sure live up to your reputation of ‘being wherever the chaos is’. So, you had time to come to this remote area today?” [..] Right now, Jiang Cheng really didn’t seem too polite as he said the words in such a tone. Even the juniors who came following Lan Wangji did not seem comfortable hearing it.

Lan Jingyi spoke straightforwardly, “Isn’t Jiang-zongzhu here as well?”

Jiang Cheng replied grimly, “Tsk, do you really think that you should butt in when your seniors are conversing? The GusuLan Sect has always been known for its respectful conduct. Is this really how it teaches its disciples?”

It is imo more true to say that, due to LWJ’s higher and respected position in society, JC is not able to use his usual means of responding to someone challenging his decisions and thus making him lose face.This is again something we see during this altercation.

LWJ silences JL after he dismisses his mistreatment of other cultivators with the deity-binding nets. LWJ destroys the entirety of the diety-binding nets JC and JL were using to give JL an advantage over the other cultivators competing, something they were only able to do because of the Jiang and Jin sects considerable power and wealth. Is it daring of LWJ? Sure. Would he be able to do so without consequences if he was someone else? Probably unlikely, especially when we’re talking about JC. But is that ‘getting away’ with something? It’s literally the opposite scenario: LWJ is using his own status and capital to make it so that JL (and JC) are not getting away with what they are doing (although there are, in actuality, no consequences for their behaviours; they are just forced to give up on JL’s unfair advantages. Hell, LWJ even offers to pay for the nets he destroys, which I guess can also be taken as a baller move). What’s more, the novel even takes the time to point out that, if LWJ were not such a strong cultivator, JC might have pushed aside the risks of offending LXC and physically confronted him (let’s appreciate how this also serves as well-integrated exposition for their weapons).

Jin Ling’s grim expression was exactly the same as his uncle’s, “What can I do? It was their own fault for stepping into the traps. I’ll solve everything after I finish capturing the prey.”

Lan Wangji frowned. Jin Ling was about to speak again, but he suddenly realized that, shockingly, he could neither open his mouth nor make any sounds.

[...]

The man spoke in a low voice, “Not long ago, a blue sword flew over and destroyed the deity-binding nets that you had set up.”

Jiang Cheng glanced at Lan Wangji harshly, his displease plastered all over his face, “How many were broken?”

[...]

Although four hundred deity-binding nets were a whopping price, it wasn’t too much for the YunmengJiang Sect. Nonetheless, losing the nets were a small matter, but losing face was not. With Lan Wangji’s actions, Jiang Cheng felt a whirlpool of anger at the bottom of his heart, rising higher by every second. He narrowed his eyes, his left hand casually stroking the ring on his right hand’s index finger.

[...]

However, after stroking it for a while, Jiang Cheng compelled himself to restrain his hostility.

Although he was displeased, as the leader of a sect, he needed to take more things into consideration, which meant that he couldn’t be as impulsive as Jin Ling. After the fall of the QingheNie Sect, among the Three Great Sects, the LanlingJin Sect and the GusuLan Sect were quite close due to the personal relationship between the two leaders. By leading the YunmengJiang Sect alone, he was already in an isolated situation among the three. Hanguang-Jun, or Lan Wangji, was quite a prestigious cultivator, while his elder brother Zewu-Jun, or Lan Xichen, was the leader of the GusuLan Sect. The two brothers had always been on good terms with each other. It was best to not openly dispute with Lan Wangji.

Also, Jiang Cheng’s sword, “Sandu (三毒, Sāndú),” had never made actual contact with Lan Wangji’s sword, “Bichen,” and it was not yet decidable whose hands would the deer die on. Although he owned the powerful ring, “Zidian (紫电 Zǐdiàn),” a family heirloom of his, Lan Wangji’s guqin, “Wangji”, was also known for its abilities. The thing that Jiang Cheng hated the most was to be disadvantageous during a fight. Without complete confidence in his success, he would not consider fighting with Lan Wangji.

Now if it is about Su She, again what does LWJ truly do?

He silences him in the Demon-slaughtering cave? Although we’d be hard-pressed to believe LWJ respects Su She after what he’s seen him do in the Xuanwu Cave, the guy is literally trying to get everyone there killed and being a smartass to WWX while at it. And if it had been extremely disrespectful of him, LQR could have lifted the spell--something once again that the novel points out. When it dissolves into a game of calling out between the MolingSu sect and the GusuLan sect, LWJ does not say anything, even if, as LJY points out, Su She was imitating him. It’s only when WWX starts going that LWJ takes part by acquiescing to the truths WWX lays out (which are, yes, damning for the Su She and the MolingSu sect). But again, there are layers to what WWX is doing: he’s not only trying to expose what is going on, but anger Su She into revealing he still has his spiritual powers as proof of what he has worked out. So while WWX and LWJ are being by some measures disrespectful, there is a point to how they are going at it.

Touching his chin, he grinned, “Well I was worried that you’d get mad if I asked him too many things in front of you, wasn’t I? But since you’ve told me to ask him already, I’ll go ahead and ask. Lan Zhan?”

Lan Wangji, “Mn.”

Wei Wuxian, “The MolingSu Sect was a sect that branched off from the GusuLan Sect, right?”

Lan Wangji, “Mn.”

Wei Wuxian, “Although it branched off, the MolingSu Sect’s techniques still used the GusuLan Sect’s techniques ‘as reference’, right?”

Lan Wangji, “Yes.”

Wei Wuxian, “One of the GusuLan Sect’s techniques, the Sound of Vanquish, has the effect of exorcising evil. Amongst them, the seven-stringed guqin was the most powerful, and so there is the greatest number of people who cultivate through the guqin. The MolingSu Sect did the same, and the guqin is the most common in their sect as well, is that correct?”

Lan Wangji, “That is correct.”

Wei Wuxian, “Although the MolingSu Sect’s leader left the GusuLan Sect with knowledge of its techniques when he founded his own sect, is own guqin skills weren’t anything special, and the disciples he taught often make many mistakes too, right?”

Lan Wangji answered with honesty, “Yes.”

Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji went on back and forth, speaking as though nobody was around. More and more people realized that they weren’t only mocking Su She, but rather taking something apart. Thus, they began to listen more carefully.

Next, Wei Wuxian slowed down, “… And that means, even when a section of the battle melodies that the MolingSu Sect played when killing corpses on Mass Grave Hill was wrong, the GusuLan Sect wouldn’t find it unusual, and only think that they made a mistake because of their inferior techniques and remembered the sheet music wrong, not taking the time to notice whether it was an accidental mistake or a mistake on purpose. Is this the case?”

Hearing the last question, Su She’s pupils shrunk. The hand he placed on the hilt of his sword was suddenly lined with veins. The blade of the sword was already half-an-inch unsheathed. On the other hand, Lan Wangji lifted his eyes at the same time. Both Wei Wuxian and he saw the sense of understanding in each other’s eyes.

He stated one word at a time, “This is the case.”

Su She unsheathed his sword with a clang. Wei Wuxian moved the blade of the sword to the side with two fingers and smiled, “What are you doing? Don’t forget. You’ve lost all your spiritual powers. Would threatening me like this do anything?”

Sword raised in his hand, Su She could neither attack nor put it down. He clenched his teeth, “Aiming at me for so long—just what are you trying to imply?”

As much as we love to talk about LWJ’s hidden sass and pettiness, he does not seem to ever be disrespectful without a reason, and it’s usually in the process of standing up for others. Reading his character as an illustration of a man in a position of privilege and power getting away with things is a little bit of a reach--particularly when JC is literally right there.

#mdzs meta #lwj #jc #mdzs

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redspiderling · 3 years ago

Text

MCU Breakdown: Black Widow, Part 1

I can’t believe this is happening 😭

First of all, congratulations to all of you who’ve been here all these years. We got it. We begged for years, and it’s finally here.

For once I wasn't dreading revisiting this film to write down what I got from it. I felt more like I might not do it justice. This film is so special to me, but here it is, the MCU Breakdown of Black Widow, part 1 (of who knows how many).

I remember back when I started running this blog and talking about a hypothetical Black Widow movie that had never been announced, always "yeah, we would be happy to do it, maybe, someday in the future", and arguing that it would be important for women and girls, no matter its content. I'm so glad we got it like this. So, so glad.

The rest under the cut.

Let's start with some technical details. The film has a lot of setups and callbacks, nothing is done in chance. For example, I love how the light, and the sounds we hear when we first, and last, see Natasha in the film, are the same. We greet her in bright -birds cheeping- morning light, while she's riding her bike home, to her family

and we leave her in bright -birds cheeping- morning light, while she's riding her bike home, to her family (I'm using the term family very liberally here in reference to the Avengers for the sake of the movie, bear with me, you know how I feel about those dudes).

It's signifying new beginnings, each time, not endings. Notice how, what we see is natural light, which makes this scene pop out, and look more real because the light is coming from the sun, and isn’t artificially made on VFX software. You will notice the stark differences in colours and lighting when the emotions and the atmosphere change in this film, because there is a visual language being employed here, the director has a story to say, and she uses all the tools she has to tell it. The light is exactly the same in those 2 scenes, because Cate wants us to make that connection, even if we make it unconsciously.

Natasha is placed in such a positive way, both at the start and the end of the film. There's this discussion about how "real" their little family was, but it was the characters that muddled up that image. The reality of their lives in Ohio is presented in a happy way, that had deep rivers under the surface, for sure. This wasn't accidental, for a lot of reasons.

First of all, if you take it the literal way, they were spies, and had to present themselves as normal. If you take it the allegorical way, any girl could fall victim to trafficking, and if you take it the character way, both Scarlett and Cate wanted to showcase that Natasha is human. They also wanted to give her something that wasn't always dripping with pain and sadness. They were both parts of her life, yes, but there was also joy, and light, and once upon a time she had been a kid, playing with her sister.

Also, and this has been mentioned before but it bears repeating: I love the actress they chose for young Natasha, and I love how they presented her character. She's allowed to be a young teenage girl. She's not sexualised. She's at that gangly stage between childhood and adulthood, and there's nothing sexual about it, no provocative clothing, no excessive makeup. She's a kid.

Plus, I know Cate said the actress already had her hair dyed blue and they just decided to let her have it, but I think it works well for Natasha's character. That small act of defiance, even that early on, against the system that wanted to break her. Also, the film gives us such great character moments, because they let the camera roll and don't rush through scenes, look at Natasha looking at Melina comforting Yelena. We can see the pain, the fear, where she knows that this isn't going to last, and wonders about what will become of them once their lives begin to unravel.

We also get to see the joy on her face, the wonder of discovering the world, how often do you get to see Marvel characters do this, just live in the moment?

Bioluminescence: the production and emission of light by a living organism. Or how Natasha is a bright light, that shines from within. Not my words, Cate Shortland's words. I felt it when I was watching this scene, but it was lovely to have it verified in one of her interviews. I wish I could meet her, and tell her that everything she wanted to put on screen came through, incandescent and crystal clear. Fireflies are a symbol for Natasha, as a bright light that shines from within, and never dies.

Small details that I love, the magnet on the fridge: Don't forget, above a picture of Natasha. LIKE WE EVER COULD, CATE.

We have another setup here, where the family gathers up to have dinner together. Even the sitting arrangement is the same as later on in the film.

Notice also how both young, and adult version of Natasha, communicate so well with Melina, just with their eyes. It doesn't necessary show a deep history between them, but it does show a bone deep level of understanding. Not just of their current circumstance, but of their future, and of what it will do to them. Melina knows what's coming and she's says it "I'm sorry", but they're both resigned to their fate, Melina because she doesn't see a way out, and Natasha because, well, here she's a kid, and therefore is powerless.

The dynamics between Yelena and Alexei is so different. Yelena is young and doesn't understand, so they're speaking about completely different things. "I don't have my shoes" is what she says, and it's heartbreaking in its innocence, as Alexei is loading his gun and reading himself for battle. We can still see that he's not indifferent to her, telling her she can have "fruit loops in the car". He's not a monster, he just doesn't have a choice (or at least, he thinks he doesn't).

Also, notice how the camera angles are employed here: Natasha and Melina look each other eye to eye, Yelena looks up to Alexei, Alexei looks down on her, there is an imbalance of power and understanding in the second set of images, and the camera tells us that.

Melina doesn't let Natasha take the photo album. For one thing, it's certain that Natasha wouldn't be able to keep it. For another, Melina wanted the memories, and probably didn't want anyone else to realise/think that they cared about their little family unit.

There's just a lot of thought that's been put in the details of the script, to show us their bond, their attempts to hide it, to show the characters' personality in everything around them (notice the plants that are ever present in Melina's home, in Ohio and later in Saint Petersburg). She might seem cold, she has been through a lot, but she cares. And that care has brought her pain. And we have to see that pain, because we get the quiet moments like this one, where she stands alone in an empty home knowing that part of her life is over, never to return.

The mission, is the last thing Melina asks about. The last thing Alexei mentions, the last thing either of them cares about. First, she refused to accept that they had completed the mission and were now hunted, then she accepted it and they loaded their family in the car, and then she asked about the leaked files.

Also, notice how that shot is framed. Both images silhouetted by the light because it’s the moment and the prop smack down in the middle of the frame that’s important, now what they’re going through, emotionally, they’re not themselves in that moment, they’re nameless, tools of the trade, expendable in front of that tiny floppy disk.

Yelena is singing while the rest are plunging in despair, but still humour her and play her song.

I found this shot a bit... Jarring. I get it that for American audiences this would show that they're actually leaving "home" behind, but for the rest of us... Eeeh, I'll give it a pass because it is an American production and this is just something to be expected. I mean, Yelena's song was American Pie. We get it, you still love America, just because you're making a film about Russian spies doesn't mean you're a commie Marvel, it's ok.

But in any case, the setup for the action scene here was excellent. Happy, familiar music playing, car is on the main road, car goes off the main road familiar music gets toned down and eventually completely lost in the darkness.

Yelena knows what to do, we see it, so that we know that this 6 year old girl who holds her stuffed animal and walks barefoot has practiced for this moment.

By the way, Natasha did take another item with her along with the photobooth pictures (it also looks like a photo album with Disney princesses on it), it didn't survive the trip. We are informed of this for a very specific reason: Melina didn’t ask Natasha not to take the photo album out of malice, or just because she wanted to keep it for herself. She knew it wouldn’t survive the trip in Natasha’s hands. We also get a close shot of the image strip (and we get it again, during the credits), because it will be important, later on.

Bet y'all also forgot you were watching a superhero movie until this happened? That wasn't accidental, they wanted us to see them as normal people, this is the moment when that ends.

Natasha saved her family, even though she was a terrified kid.

I know that they did the huge titles thing to connect this film to Civil War but... Listen, Civil War needed the huge titles because that script and the way that movie was directed was a complete disaster. We needed to know where the characters were each time with huge ass title because there was NO OTHER WAY TO TELL. Between complete lack of a timeline, and the fact that you couldn't even tell what time of the day it was due to the horrible lighting, you definitely couldn't tell what the location was because it was irrelevant to the plot like, 90% of the time. Not to mention the title cards in Civil War were usually followed by dimly lit grey corridors so, yeah, give us a title so we know at least where they are, generally.

This film. Didn't Need That. For the most part anyway, there are 2 locations where the titles worked. First one was Ohio, the other I'll reveal later.

But here. Guys, they're Russian spies escaping from the US on a small plane... Where else would they go if not to Cuba?!?! This is the Black Widow movie paying for the sins of Civil War, in a small way in this instance.

Yelena tells Melina that pain only makes you stronger, Natasha cries, and they setup my heartbreak for later.

Natasha protecting Yelena, terrified, and staring men down the barrel of her gun anyway. Such a badass and heartbreaking callback.

Notice how this scene makes us look at how men view this. There's an allegory here as well, but I'll address what's actually happening in the film:

Dreykov notices Natasha's natural instinct to protect herself and her sister, and all he sees is something he can use. A tool for violence, instead of sex, in this case. But the implication is there. Not a person, or a terrified girl, just an object to be used by men.

So glad that piece of shit got blown up and never mentioned again. Any man looking for exposition on Dreykov to feel the "loss" when the villain is gone: Fuck you. Go get some therapy.

Moving on from that piece of shit, difference between Melina and Alexei: Melina apologised. Alexei lied, but he also tried to give them hope. We can see the devastation, because the soldiers never thought of them as girls like he did, and didn't blink before drugging them and taking them away.

Yet another setup, of Natasha and Yelena, drugged and powerless as they are taken away. Because it wasn't enough that they were kids, they took away all their choices, and rendered them unconscious.

What can I possibly say about this credits scene.

It's very real, probably the realest minutes in the entire MCU, and it's merciless. They don't try to sugar-coat what's happening, and there are no jokes to diffuse the drama. These are girls being trafficked from all over the world. I don't know about you but I felt the switch from true parallel to real life traffic victims like this shot that looks like footage from Interpol

to Red Room victims as being a clear shift, and I was actually grateful for it. Because here I could put my back against the fact that the red room wasn't real, otherwise I would have broken down before the credit sequence even ended.

It was a stroke of genius to create an introduction to this entire world like that. We rarely see credit sequences anymore and it's a shame, because when they're well done they tell stories in and of themselves, and this is one of the best I've seen.

Even the villain is set up here. He's pointing at girls and saying "that one, and her", like he's picking pigs for slaughter. How much more setup than that do you need, to want to murder that man dead? Not any more, that was enough.

Nobody speak to me I’m crying.

Subtle, but there. Trafficking (and traffickers) exists because it IS being tolerated by governments around the world.

Unnecessary title aside, who else says Natasha looks at herself in the mirror hear and repeats "pain only makes you stronger", as she's being hunted away from yet another family.

Then she's saying it again because it bears repeating and Natasha has been through A Lot these past few years. I love how unfiltered our first image of her is. After all she's been through, we basically see her stripped of all her tricks in a moment where she’s alone with herself and her thoughts(something we later learn she tries not to do much), and she's just a woman having a tiny breakdown in a semi-public bathroom. Again, human.

This is where I will leave you for this first part. Hey, I got through the intro, I count that as a win given just how long this breakdown has already been. If you’ve gotten this far, thank you for reading, come yell at me in my inbox whenever, see you for the next one xo

#MCU Breakdown #Black Widow #Black Widow Spoilers #Natasha Romanoff #I'd like to think that all my followers have already seen it but just in case

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