#and I defo punished myself for breaking diet | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

ginnyvos · 2 years ago

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Shout out to the doctor who told me to lose weight at all costs. When I told her that I'd had brushes with binge eating and bolumia in the past and didn't think dieting more than I already was, was a good idea for my mental health, she straight up told me to check myself into a clinic for eating disorders and diet from there then.

She was a fertility doctor and held the chance of me ever having a baby over my head as leverage. Suffice to say my relationship with my body is a lot less healthy now than it was 3 years ago but I'm also hella pregnant?

they don’t teach people with EDs how to actually respond to diet talk because to do so would mean cultivating and embracing rage. you can’t do that within a medico-psychiatric industry that mandates compliance at all costs. I would very much like to start a workshop for channeling & expressing rage, including and especially toward carceral institutions and authorities, for ppl with EDs… like I want to teach you how to terrify your doctor

#dieting #eating disorders #the medical community has such a fucked up relationship with weight and food #and they really truly do not realise it #i think she genuinely thought she was doing right by me #this was literally the thing that drove me to bolumia the first time #at 17 my doctor told me I had PCOS and that if I wanted to up my chances of ever having children I should lose a lot of weight #i ended up hanging over the toilet with a finger in the back of my throat #and eventually realised that this was NOT what I wanted for myself and quit #had binge eating episodes before and after #and at 32 here we were again #i didn't purge this time around but hooo boy was it close #and I defo punished myself for breaking diet #and it's still a very real urge I have to actively resist regularly

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