#and I could clearly see that it was just going to be incredibly painful and be a disaster

[crimson-and-clover-1717]

Season one, episode two, Stede gives a murder confession under hallucinatory guilt. The reaction of the Chief Mabo who conducts the investigation openly with a Meeting of the Elders is to recognise Stede as ‘clearly very unwell’, and he is sent for counselling.

Nothing is taken at face value. There is a calmness and rationality to the approach; the investigation is shared, and it allows both Stede and Olu to reveal the truth of what happened - that the ‘murder’ of Nigel was an accidental death for the most part, and Stede’s masculinity isn’t called into question by admitting this. They are called mediocre pirates, and set free.

In episode nine, the British Navy’s investigation into the death of Nigel is corrupt, carried out by one person only, Chauncey - the brother of the person murdered.

Stede is goaded and tormented into confessing a greater crime as one of his childhood bullies presses upon psychological bruising, reinforcing binary concepts of gender; Chauncey calls into question Stede’s masculinity once more, causing Stede to be emotionally sick with inadequacy.

Whilst Stede’s confession of murder is likely to save Ed, the timing is after being told he isn’t capable of killing in the same way as Blackbeard, which makes ‘much more sense’. The flashback to the memory of his father’s ‘lily-livered little rich boy’ taunts reinforces this.

Stede admits to actions he did not commit - ‘I jammed it through his head’ - echoing The Swede’s ‘stabbed him right in the face’, said with such admiration in the Pilot. The exaggeration is not as painful as the self-loathing experienced once again over a lack of ‘correct masculine performance’.

It could be argued the Tribe don’t have skin in the game the same as Chauncey. But they literally have skin in the game. Light skins kill them. Why should they give a potentially violent ‘light skin’ the benefit of the doubt for the eighth time? Shame on them if they do… but they do. They show compassion, listen to, and treat Stede as an individual.

And I would also go so far as to suggest Chauncey cares mainly what his brother’s death signifies at the hands of someone such as Stede Bonnet. An attack on the grand narratives of law and order, imperialism, patriarchal hegemony, proper masculinity by this plague, this monster, this nothing.

The conclusion to this though is Stede’s life is saved exactly because of his non-gender conforming nature. It’s why Ed yells ‘Act of Grace!’, covering Stede with his own body before a firing squad. It’s why Ed’s prepared to sign the Act, why he loves Stede. Ed doesn’t see weakness; he sees Stede’s character as aspirational, inspirational, never wants to part from him.

The Crew play the toxic masculinity game, declaring how ‘fearsome’ Stede is in order to save his life, but they happily don’t believe one word of it in the traditional sense. Stede is incredibly brave, but has endeared himself to the Crew through kindness and empathy, using violence only to protect them. Much like the Tribe, the Crew’s values are outside the dominant culture of White Imperialism. Whilst appearing to embrace toxic masculinity in the Pilot, they understand now Stede’s way is better. Stede is a proper pirate, the Crew are just measuring by a better set of standards now.

[witherby]

do you think that the batfam has different ways of explaining their bruises/injuries they get from crimefighting to an observant mouse? 👼👼👼

--🎆

Fantastic question! I think growing up in Wayne Manor would make it exceptionally difficult to hide the vigilantism from you. They could 100% do it, but it would take about a thousand times more effort concealing it from you than the general public, so I don't think they would.

You're very young when you start really piecing it together, though, so they're gonna have to tell you what happened in child-friendly ways.

The Littlest Wayne: Post-Battle Injuries

1. Bruce

"Wha' happen, daddy?"

This man is not a good liar, but he dodges the truth like it's an Olympic sport. Like any public figure worth their salt, he's gonna answer the question without answering the question.

"Well, when Daddy has to go be Batman, sometimes he gets hurt. The boo-boos will go away after a while, and everything is going to be fine. You'll have to hug gently for a few days."

What he doesn't say is that he took a toyota corolla pushing 70 to the ribs and can feel the broken bones shifting and rubbing together like wet chopsticks under his skin, it's fucking nauseating, and he needs to go pass out as soon as he puts you down for a nap.

2. Dick

"Uh-oh, Dinky hurty?"

If Bruce is admired for keeping his cool in the wake of grievous injury, then Dick wrote the fucking book on it. His picture shows up when you google "gaslight gatekeep girlboss." He could lose a limb and convince you it's always been like that with a straight face. You'll never catch his ass lacking.

"Dinky fell down," he says easily, scooping you into his arms, "but he's fine! See? All okay!" His face doesn't even twitch from all his wounds getting aggravated. There is shrapnel embedded in his back from being thrown through a window and tumbling down the roof. The broken-off blade of a knife is jammed up in his thigh. His right hand has lost all feeling in it from blocking a pipe getting swung at him. There are black spots in his vision. He's lost so much blood it's nothing short of divine intervention keeping him conscious.

You'd bet your ass if you need him to go sprint a 10k right now, though, he's lacing up his tennis shoes.

3. Tim

"Timmy, what wrong?"

He's gonna tell you the truth, and he's the only one that'll tell you the truth. He'll just omit the gorey bits because they're not beneficial to you.

"Oh, this? Bad guy got me good with his knife. It hurts a lot so don't touch it... I just said don't touch it...okay fine, go wash your hands first before you touch it."

He didn't like being kept out of the loop as a child, especially a child that had to raise himself, so he tells you about anything and everything you ask. He'll tell you what medical supplies he's grabbing and why. He'll tell you his estimated recovery time. He'll tell you what wounds the others have, if any. He'll let you touch the safe tools, like gauze and bandages and antibiotic ointment. He'll show you how to apply them, too, and then quickly take you to the sink to wash the blood from your hands.

4. Jason

"Jay-Jay ouchies?"

He's the most unintentionally awkward about it. I think being brought back to life in the Lazarus Pit really fucked up his ability to feel pain. The major injuries still sting — gunshots, stabs, broken bones — but bruises and black eyes and sprains fly under the radar very often.

"Uh, no," he shrugs, looking at the myriad of colorful bruising you just pointed out on his arm. "No ouchies." He's not exactly lying, it doesn't hurt, but it is very clearly an injury. This confuses and upsets you often.

5. Damian

"Dami got a booboo?"

He's lying every single time. He's your older brother. He's a dangerous killing machine. His skill and combat prowess are unmatched. He needs you to think he's incredible and amazing and cool.

"Those half-wit simpletons could never dream of landing a hit on me. Any blood on my clothes is simply not mine."

One of the goons actually clipped his side with a bullet and it really, really hurts. His hands are flexing and he's got sweat running down his neck from the pain. He would actually rather die than let you know that, though.

[my-hyperfixation-stories]

Lost In Your Eyes

Summary: Dean Winchester has the worlds most beautiful eyes. You find yourself trying to get a good look but Dean can’t hold still for one second so you make him. Needless to say he was confused yet a little turned on by your determination.

Warnings: Flirting, PnV, Oral Sex(f! Rec), unprotected sex, Switch!Dean, Dean being in love with Reader, heavy heavy eye contact, Dean Winchester(he’s definitely a warning), dirty talk. Lmk if I missed anything

The words of your computer managed to blend together. The crease between your brows was so deep it was starting to ache from the amount of tension lying beneath it. You and Dean had been researching for about an hour. Usually your study partner was Sammy (the one who actually gave a shit about what you were reading) but he had a few leads to follow up on. This left you and Dean alone in the motel to piece together the mysterious monster you were dealing with.

Except Dean has yet to look at a single document, and instead he’s been spouting off on random shows he’s been watching and mixing in flirtatious comments here and there. All the while stuffing his face with some pie you had picked up on your way back from the crime scene.

You find yourself massaging between your brows trying everything to release the tension building in your head. “You alright over there? Don’t tell me you’re worn out all ready, we just started.” Dean teased with his infamous grin. A deadpan expression crossed you face as you look up at him. “‘I..’ ‘I.’ There isn’t a ‘we’ Dean. You’ve been talking for the past hour or so while I’ve been nose deep in every source I can find.. if Sam wasn’t gone I would send you to the drug store to get me some ibuprofen..” You set the computer aside and stretch out your hunched over back. A few cracks sound out providing you a split second of relief before a throbbing sensation shoots through your head.

“Here since you’re clearly better at this than I am, I’ll walk over to the gas station across the street and see if I can find anything for you. That alright sweetheart?” For the most part he sounded concerned but the last part had a teasing undertone about it which sent your eyes rolling. The ache strengthened by the action sending your eyes shut. “Please.. I need something if I’m going to find more answers..” You groan, pushing against your temples to stimulate some relief. “I’ll be right back, don’t miss me too much!” He shot you a wink as he headed out. On his way out you noticed how the sun glistened over his eyes. You could’ve sworn you saw the most breathtaking shade of green radiate from them but it could be the agonizing pain in your head making you hallucinate.

You loved Dean to hell and back but shit was he annoying when it came down to researching. He almost never paid attention to the words and mostly listened to the key points you or Sam dug up. Nonetheless he was incredibly aware of when you needed a break. Which is why he was marching over to the gas station to find some medicine to kill the headache you have. When he got back he decided it was time for him to take over. Despite your displeasure he practically forced you down on the bed and snatched the laptop. He sat down beside you to read out some information that you had been desperately trying to find. Around an hour later your headache finally subsided.

You move your eyes to gaze up at Dean. He was propped up against the headboard staring intently at the device. His chin rested in between his fingers as he scanned the sources. The glow of the laptop brought out the same green hue in his eyes. The green flannel he was wearing seemed to make his eye color truly pop. And it was affecting you badly. Maybe it was the way he’d taken over for you, or how he was still occasionally rambling yet staying on topic. But his eyes really sealed the deal for you. You were completely infatuated by the view.

“Right.. so if we are dealing with one, then it says silver is effective in killing it.” He scrolls a little farther before your voice quietly calls his name. “Bullets preferably but blades also work.” He continues “Deann..” You call out again but his entire focus seemed to be on the screen. “Oh here it says-” you cut him off by grabbing his cheeks with one hand and forcing him to look at you. A confused look crosses his features before amusement arises. “What is this about it?..” He says muffled as his lips form a pout from the way you were holding his face. “Did I ever tell you I love your eyes?.. you really need to wear green more often.. it suits you..” You whisper but feel the heat beneath your fingers grow. You had managed to fluster THE Dean Winchester.

His hand reached up and lightly grabbed your wrist. “Oh sweetheart, I love it when you get so dominant.” A grin spreads throughout his face. The look makes you press your thighs together. “Oh really? Do you now?” You tease making him raise a brow. “Oh I think you know exactly what I’m talking about. From experience.” A smile finds your lips before you move to close the laptop on his lap. “I don’t know about you, but I for one want to take a little break from all those articles.. don’t you?” You didn’t give him time to answer before you move yourself to straddle his waist. A huff leaves his mouth as you add pressure to his hips. His hands find your waist as you settle yourself. “I could use a refresher..”

A satisfied look crosses your face while Dean goes to add in some cheeky remark. Before any words leave his lips, your head dips down and captures his lips with yours. A low groan escapes his throat as your hips roll against his.

It has been a hot minute since you and Dean had done anything intimate. It was hard when you constantly had Sam lingering or a case that was needing to be solved. But since you gathered all the information you could, nothing really needed to be done. Giving you the perfect opportunity to have your way with him.

You push away his unbuttoned flannel before running your hands underneath his shirt. The skin beneath your fingers tenses at the sudden coldness of your hands. He pulls back to take a breath but in the haziness of the kiss, your lips travel to his neck. “I affect you this much huh? My ego can’t handle this you know that?” He chuckles before letting his head fall back giving you more access to his neck.

He loved the warm feeling sprouting beneath your lips. When you pull away his hand travels up your back before settling on your nape. He pulls you down into another heated kiss. This one was full of pawing hands and desperate attempts to remove clothing.

He’d managed to remove your shirt leaving you in a fitted tank top and shorts. Next, you had worked on removing your shorts throwing them off to the side. Your hands find themself resting on his chest feeling the quick beat of his heart.

You lean down to his ear as you find the bottom of his shirt with your hands. “I want you looking at me the entire time.. right with those pretty eyes of yours.” The whispery tone finds Dean before you pull off his shirt. His necklace lays against his bare skin as he looks up at you. His breaths were heavy and his lips slightly part in shock.

His green orbs follow you, not once leaving. “The things you do to me..” He says breathlessly earning a scoff from you accompanied by a pleased smile. “What about the things you’ll do for me?..” He watches your gaze trail his body before reaching where your bodies touch. Your hand moves gently up his body before stopping at his chin. Your finger graze along his bottom lip. “Put these to use for me?.. if you really want to help me relieve some tension.” A look of hunger consumes his expression. His eyes look up at you half lidded before he begins trail your figure. Stopping when we sees the wet patch between your thighs.

A groan leaves his lips as he closes his eyes. When he opens them he looks back up to you. “I’ll do anything that makes you happy..” He says ready to do anything you please. A smile finds your lips before you move off of him. He swiftly swaps positions with you so he can kiss down your body. “You’re so beautiful..” His lips press against the skin peaking out from beneath your tank. Your hands raise letting him know you want it off. He puts his hands under the tank top finally pulling it off.

His eyes find your chest before lowering his head to press a hungry kiss against your breast. He lightly sucks the delicate skin leaving a mark behind. He goes to give attention to the next one but an unexpected groan leaves his lips as you lightly pull back his hair to make him look up at you. “Eyes. on. me. pretty boy.. I want to see those eyes.” This time when he lowers his head to kiss your other breast his eyes stay directly on yours. He watches your features change with each movement he makes. His favorite part might be the way your breath falters when he lightly sucks on yours skin.

He lets his hand find your panty line. His fingers loop along the side. He moves them along the outer edge before pushing them to the side. He lets one finger run along your folds feeling the wetness that coats his fingers. “All for me?.. It’s very flattering” You playfully roll your eyes. “You gonna do something about it or just sit there lookin pretty?” Your voice was laced with a seductive tone only making the tent in Dean’s pants grow. He begrudgingly leaves your breast venturing further down. “Is this where you want me? Right here sweetheart?” You shoot him a warning look reminding him that you’re the one making the calls this time.

“Soaking fucking wet.. just for me..” He says to no one in particular. His mind racing as his eyes stay on yours. When you go to make another comment, his finger dips inside of you. A moan leaves your lips at the unexpected penetration. “Fuck Dean..” You let out a shuddered breath. His thumb moves to rub against your clothed clit. The texture leaves a shot of pleasure up your body. “Like that?.. Oh baby i know you do.” You shoot him and angry look but in return his mouth dips down to lick between your folds. His eyes stay glued to yours. “This is what you wanted? For me to devour you? Am I doing it right? Or was it like this?” He takes off your panties and lightly sucks your clit letting a moan escape your lips. “There it is.” He chuckles before returning to lick between your folds.

A groan leaves his lips sending vibrations through you. “You’re such a fucking tease” You gasp out as your legs squirm. His free hand grips your thigh pushing it to the side. “Be good for me and I’ll be good for you.. keep these spread.” His words make your heart beat quicken. You felt like the luckiest girl in the world. Dean Winchester was between your thighs telling you that he will be good for you, while looking up at you with his fucking beautiful ass eyes. That was enough to push another moan through your lips. “Oh you like that? When I talk all sweet to you? You like feeling like a good girl don’t you?” He laughs before moving your legs up over his shoulders. This gives him closer access to what he desires most.

His tongues dips into you before he turns into a man starved. By this point moans were practically flowing from your lips. “Fuck Dean!..” You groan as your eyes press shut. “Ah ah, I look at you, you have to look at me.” He says pulling your attention back down to him. “I fucking hate you.” Your moans quickly disprove your words. You feel his shitty grin against you. He feels the way you squirm beneath him letting him know your close. While his tongues dips into tortures your hole he lets his fingers rub against your clit. The pleasure only seems to build along with the pressure in your lower stomach. “Fuck Dean just like that.. fuck!” You moan out before everything seems to snap. “Shit! Fuck..” You moan out as your orgasm overcomes you.

Sinful sounds escape Dean’s lips as he cleans up the mess. “So filthy.. so messy making me clean up for you.” He clicks his tongue but you’re too caught up in your emotions to respond. He moves back up so he’s hovering above you. His necklace hangs from his neck falling between the valley of your breast. “You gonna let me treat you good now? Or are you still feeling demanding? Your choice princess.” He waits for a response only for you to flip around ontop of him.

His brows raise caught off guard before your hand pushes against his chest to keep him down. “I still have a few things in mind.” You say checking out his flustered state. A pink hue seems to cover his heated face. “Oh yeah?.. mind telling me what that is?.” He raises a brow. You let out a sweet smile before leaning forward. “Take your pants off and I’ll show you..” You move to the side to give him room. With a satisfied look he undoes his belt and pushes off the jeans. They fall to the ground with a clank. “What’s the plan?” He puts his hands behind his head as you move back above him. Your hand reaches down grabbing his length. Slowly pumping it to spread his precum down it.

“I’m going to ride your dick until all you can remember is my name.” The filthy words escape your mouth going straight to his length. “Fuck you know how to charm a man.” He huffs out a chuckle before a low moan leaves his lips. You lowered yourself onto him. Both of your moans meld together. You move along half of his dick giving yourself some time to adjust to the full length. Eventually you bottom out letting his hips touch yours.

Your hand reaches down to hold yourself steady. It finds its place on his pubic bone sending all sorts of feelings through Dean. His eyes couldn’t help but take it the full sight. The way you were bouncing yourself on the length of his dick. The looks of pleasure tainting your expressions. The way your lips part to let out moans. God he loved you. Everything infront of him was perfection. Down to the imperfections. Somehow you made everything work, and turned it ten times sexier. A groan leaves his lips as he feels you tighten against him.

“Look me in the fucking eyes Dean.. those eyes are what started this.. keep them focused.” You demand with moans occasionally cutting you off. Eventually you shift into rocking your hips against his to stimulate any sort of pleasure. Your legs were growing weak. You knew if you gave up Dean would tease you relentlessly. “Y/n.. shit!” He moans out as you shift positions. Now your body is pressed against his as your lower half slaps against his. The sound was filthy. He couldn’t focus on anything but the way your breast pressed against his chest. The skin sticks together from the heat radiating from your bodies.

As your eyes move back to meet his, you have the urge to press your lips against his, so you do. The other kisses didn’t compare to this. This one was full of lust and passion. Both of your tongues clashed together needing to feel everything about each other. Your moans mush together against each other’s mouths. Your hips move faster trying everything in your power to push through. Pain fills your thighs from the constant movement making you falter. Your moans only increase into desperation.

Dean seemed to clock this immediately because before you know it he is pounding up into you. His arms lock around your waist keeping you steady as he thrusts up relentlessly. “Fuck Dean! Holy shit! Please please please I’m almost there!” You whine out as grunts fill his mouth. Both of your eyes have completely shut as pleasure consumes you. His pace doesn’t change once. “I fucking love you.. I love you so goddamn much..” He grumbles out as he feels himself coming undone. Your heart swells from the intimacy of the situation but your thoughts are cut off by the band snapping inside of you. Upon feeling this Dean is quick to follow. Loud tortured moans escape your lips as the two of you move to work through your orgasms. Soon enough the only thing that fills the air is both of you gasping for air.

Dean takes a moment before pulling out of you. Your body lays against his having no energy to move. “Shit.. I think that was the hottest thing we have ever done..” Dean announces pulling a laugh from your lips. “No shit..” The two of you finally catch your breath before you move off of him. You tuck yourself against his side letting him wrap an arm around you. “So.. what was the thing with my eyes about? That’s never been a thing before.” He asks as embarrassment engulfs you. “I don’t know.. you were walking out the door earlier and.. I guess the sun hit you just right and your eyes looked like the most gorgeous thing I had ever seen..”

Suddenly you pull back and look directly at him. “You better not let any of that get to your head!” You warn him making him genuinely laugh in return. “Ok ok!” He playfully puts his hands up as his eyes follow yours. “They are like.. the perfect shade of green.. speaking of.. we need to buy you more green shirts, it really makes the color pop.” You admit making his smile grow. “So you’re saying if I wear more green then you’ll do more stuff like that? Done deal right there.” You playfully hit his chest before slumping back down onto the bed. “We should definitely get dressed before Sam gets back. It’s bad enough that the motel is going to smell like absolute filthy sex when he gets back, might as well spare him the visual.” You announce and as if on cue that sound of the impala fades in.

Thank you to everyone who took time to read this! Dean Winchester has been clouding my thoughts as of recently and I just need to let it all out somewhere. I hope you find this just as entertaining as I did. If I missed any warnings or anything is misspelled please let me know and I’ll work to fix it. THANK YOU AGAINNN!!! ❤️

[slutzforbueckers]

no. 1 pick—p.b x f!reader

pairing: paige bueckers x dallas wings!fem!reader

warnings: nothing but straight fluff

synopsis: sharing a moment with paige after being drafted.

a/n: i know i don’t really talk about the games and stuff and yes im a new fan but im genuinely so proud of paige and everything she’s accomplished. im so proud of kaitlyn and aubrey, they are so deserving. i really admire paige’s openness about her faith, her dedication, the way she lifts her peers up without thinking twice. she’s genuinely an amazing human being and i pray that she has an incredible journey in this new chapter of her life. also dont mind me using the same pictures from my last post!! i literally could not find pictures from tonight.

♡₊˚ 🦢・₊✧

your heart was pounding against your chest, eyes filled with tears that threatened to ruin your makeup. paige had found you almost immediately, as soon as the spotlight was off of her.

"you can't cry." she shook her head, a shake to her voice that let you know she was close to crying herself. she wrapped her arms around you and pulled you into a hug, letting her head fall onto your shoulder.

"you can't tell me what to do." you laughed through the tears and pushed her back slightly so you could see her face. when you looked at her all you could see was a girl who had been through so much but continuously came back from it stronger. you had watched her go through some of the hardest things--injuries that have taken some off the court, being put in the spotlight even when she was going through things-- and you couldn't have been prouder of her. "i'm so proud of you, you're the strongest person i know."

"you're making me cry and i look so good tonight." paige jutted her lip out, her eyes softening as she looked at you, and a few tears rolled down her cheek. she never passed up an opportunity to crack a joke but she was grateful to have you, grateful that you were in her life. she delicately wiped her eyes so she didn't ruin her makeup.

"you do look good." you smiled, hands coming up to cup her face. "number one pick looks good on you."

that made her smile, wide and genuine, and she leaned in to kiss you quickly—just a gentle press of lips that carried so much love behind it. you were both vaguely aware that cameras were flashing, probably capturing every second, but neither of you cared. she was still holding your hand when a voice broke through the moment.

"paige! y/n! mind if we have a word?" a reporter asked gently, stepping up with a camera crew in tow, clearly trying not to intrude too harshly. you both shook your heads and straightened up for the cameras, laughing a bit as you ran your hands through your hair to look presentable for the cameras. the reporter turned to paige first.

"first off, congratulations!" she said, a bright smile on her face. "number one pick, how does that feel?"

paige exhaled slowly, her eyes flicking back to you for just a second before she answered. “it’s surreal,” she said, her voice a mix of nerves and pride. “i’ve worked for this my whole life. been through a lot to get here… and it means everything. i'm just... i'm thankful to my teammates, my parents, coaches, and of course y/n. they've kept me going honestly.”

you ran your hand down her forearm and interlaced your fingers, your eyes on her the entire time.

“and this moment—who’s the first person you wanted to see when it was official?”

she didn’t hesitate. “her,” she said, turning toward you with a soft grin that made your heart flip. “always her.”

the reporter chuckled, clearly loving the moment. “well, we’ve seen the two of you together on the court and off, the media loves your relationship. tell us—how important has she been in your journey to this point?”

paige’s smile shifted, more tender now. “she’s my rock,” she said simply. “she’s the one who saw me on the bad days, when I couldn’t walk without pain, when I doubted if I’d ever be back. she believed in me even when i didn’t. tonight isn’t just for me—it’s for her too.”

you felt your throat tighten at her words, and when the reporter looked to you, you tried your best to hold it together. “she’s the hardest-working person I know. i've never met someone so determined like paige is. she's been through so much and i—i really couldn't be more proud of her."

paige squeezed your hand again, and the camera caught it all—the subtle touch, the glances, the smile that only ever appeared when she was looking at you.

"okay, one last question before we leave." the reporter looked down and her watch for a split second before turning back to you. "how do you feel about having her with you in dallas?"

"oh god," you laughed. "i'm excited, to be honest. you know, we played together at upon before i came here and i'm just glad we get to continue our journey together."

"well, we're excited to see you two together again." the reporter gave you both a smile and thanked you for your time, turning around to her camera crew and directing them to another player.

when it was just the two of you, you turned your attention to paige and gave her a look, pointing a finger at her. "don't think i'm gonna go easy on you either."

"i hope not." she grinned, pulling you in and pressing another kiss to your lips, longer this time but not long enough to draw attention.

her hands gave a light squeeze to your waist, a silent promise that no matter what happened you would always have each other.

♡₊˚ 🦢・₊✧

[lietogirlsss]

COULDN'T MAKE IT ANY HARDER !

joaquin torres x fem!reader

: in which you and joaquin have known eachother as teenagers. You thought he was a pain in the ass and he spent everyday proving you wrong. Now that he's Captain America's protege, you've gotten a call that he was in the hospital after falling into the Indian Ocean, you'd do anything to go back to those days again.

: this was hardkey inspired by danny's interview in a talkshow, the coincidences are WILD. For the purpose of the plot, you and joaquin grew up in Miami.

: use of petnames, swearing, blood, implied death, implied murder, police chases, sort of spicy scene, reader speaks spanish. Lmk if I translated any of the words wrong!

MIAMI, 2017

"CHECK IT OUT! I'M GUNNA DO IT!"

"JOAQUIN YOU ASSHAT GET DOWN FROM THERE! WE'RE GUNNA GET CAUGHT!"

You push your sunglasses above your eyes as you whirl over your shoulder to see Joaquin and another one of your friends Javi clamber on top of a second floor balcony overlooking the pool where all eight of you had broken into instead of attending 7th period on a particularly sweltering Friday afternoon. The news forecast advised everybody to stay inside and to hydrate frequently, but then again it was Florida, so naturally it fell on deaf ears.

The entire hotel, was closed off because of a bedbug infestation reported by a couple of tourists flocking to Miami because of summer, it's been a month since they fumigated the entire hotel and all you had to do was dodge a couple security guards. Which wasn't hard at all, you and your friend Sofia who was in your AP Physics class just fluttered your eyelashes at them long enough so that the others could get in.

Sofia who was currently in the water waded towards you who was propped up on your elbows, glancing up at Joaquin and Javi in the distance with stupidly wide grins on their faces, illuminated by scattered rays of golden sunlight shining through the trees from the penthouse. "We're gunna be busted thanks to them."

"Hey, why do you look so worried? I thought you wanted to skip class with us?" You wondered, raising a quizzical brow at her.

"I did, but now I think I shoulda just sat this one out. Listen to a white man teach me a language I already know." Sofia professed, taking a swig of Bud Light. "What if we get caught, man? If my parents find out about this i'm screwed."

"No pasa nada, If your parents are gunna chew you up so are mine, alright? We're in this together." You reassure her, laughing through your nose. "Besides, school ends tomorrow, they shouldn't get their panties in such a twist." Your statement then earns you a poke in the side making you cringe and let out a cackle. Don't worry about it.

You watch as Joaquin and Javi shimmy in front of the handrails of the balcony clearly preparing themselves to jump, in Joaquin's hand was a can of PBR, the cloud like carbonation from the beer was fizzing out from a slit on the side so that he and Javi could shotgun before diving into the pool. You watch how the liquid runs down Joaquin's arm, eventually making an unattractive splattering sound on the floor below.

"WHO WANTS TO SEE ME AND JAVI SHOTGUN THIS BEER BEFORE DIVING INTO THE POOL?!?"

The rest of your friends cheered and hollered. But you scoffed, immensely unimpressed, you always thought Joaquin was incredibly full of himself and was the main reason all of you kept getting caught. Sure, you shouldn't be there in the first place but sneaking into them would have been a hell of a lot easier without Joaquin roping in Javi to do stupid stunts with him. You scoffed once more as you turn your attention back to your phone to choose another song from your playlist; But before you could shove your earbud back into your left ear you hear Joaquin yell,

"WHAT DO YOU SAY Y/N? YOU THINK I CAN MAKE THE JUMP?"

You shoot him a disdained look, scowling from your spot by the pool. "Hopefully not, maybe then your mother would actually be proud of something you did."

Joaquin jeers playfully, even going as far as pouting at you from such a distance. "Oh come on angel! Have some faith in me!"

"Yeah Y/N! have some faith!" Javi chimes in, delighted as ever.

You shift your body in such a way that your front would be fully facing him. "I don't wanna have to explain to your mother her son nose dived onto solid concrete, I don't think I'd be able to keep a straight face."

Joaquin in return makes a face at you, half in disbelief, half in amusement whilst on the brink of laughter yet again. "Oh trust me, you'd be devastated if anything happened to this face." He replies all bold and cocksure.

You hummed. "I don't even think you can spell devastated if your life depended on it."

"¡Carajo, can too!" He riposted confidently. "How about this, every time I get a letter correct is how long we gotta kiss." Damn it.

You laugh through your nose as everyone around you started hooting and hollering. "Where are we middle school? Please, if I wanted a kiss that badly I would've just stuck my face in front of a slobbering dog, even then it would be less sloppy."

Joaquin then makes a face, almost like he's just been stabbed. You roll your eyes at him for the umpteenth time. "I can't tell you how hurtful that is to me, especially since we've never even kissed before so you're basically going off of nothing here."

"And I'd like to keep it that way." You drawled as a matter of factly.

"If you two end up killing yourselves before graduation I'm actually going to burn you alive!" Another one of your friends, Isabelle, yelled from the edge of the pool before your other friend Mason grabs her by the waist and leaped into the pool with her. Everyone erupts in a chorus of laughter.

"What do you say Y/N? You up for it???" Joaquin hollers.

"In your-"

Your statement was short-lived when all of you hear shuffling from one of the farthest hallways almost like running. Your head snaps towards that direction just seconds before you heard the security guards yelling expletives and empty threats. All 8 of you scampered off with your shit, some leaping out of the pool, some even leaving their shoes behind. You sling your bag over your shoulder and start running towards the exit, in your peripheral you spot Joaquin and Javi climbing back onto the balcony as you follow Sofia out of there.

The guards were relentless despite their physique, being able to stay hot on your tail as you, Sofia, and Mason dart off in different directions, not before agreeing to meet up at a local mom n' pop shop a couple blocks from there that sold "naturally flavored" slushees. As you tiptoed your way through the barren outdoor bar, you found yourself constantly looking over your shoulder as the blazing afternoon sun battered it's unforgiving rays onto your face which made your hair cling to your skin uncomfortably, not a gust of wind blowing past.

Then you suddenly felt a hand wrap its fingers around your arm making you whirl around in shock, only to be met by Joaquin shooting you one of his signature shrewd yet saccharine smiles, a lone finger resting atop his lips as the sun illuminated his skin like it was glittering gold. Glittering gold? What are you? a fucking poet?

You tugged your hand forcefully out of his grasp, snapping yourself out of it. "You asshole! What the fuck were you thinking?!?"

Joaquin chuckles at your face, how your narrowed eyes expressed both disdain, relief and also an intense blaze of hatred. "That's a little hurtful don't you think? Whatever happened to 'hey joaquin?' or maybe even a 'sup sexy', hmm?"

You shoot him a deranged look as you jab him in the side causing him to recoil in pain. "I thought I was caught! What the fuck man?!?"

"Do you really think a guard would hold your arm the way I did?" Joaquin wheezed out, a certain sourness to his face as he kneads his gut. "Some fucking guard, I was being gentle as hell."

You roll your eyes at his excessive dramatics. "Oh come on, I didn't hit you that hard... Did I? "

"You definitely didn't." He says, making your face crease even more. "It's just that while we were running away I fell down a flight of stairs tryna get away from the guards, landed on my side, heard a crack. They almost cuffed my ass."

Your eyes widen, shame and regret overcoming you as you realize maybe you shouldn't have punched him. "Oh shit-! Oh my god I'm so sorry... Lemme take a look-" You babble abashed, eyes zeroing on the area where Joaquin had his hand pressed against.

"Hey, no, it's alright." He insists, a coy smirk tugging at the edge of his lips. "I'm alright angel I swear-"

"The hell you are, just lemme take a look, coño." You counter. "Here, lift up your shirt, I gotta see if it's swelling-"

After all that he still manages to laugh. "Can't a girl take a guy out to dinner first? Damn."

"Shut up." You say, focused, swatting his hand away. "Let me look at it, Joaquin."

"Dawww, look at you all concerned about me." He crooned, giving you a dopey smile. "Makes me actually wish I threw myself down a flight of stairs."

You take a step back, glaring at him in disbelief. "Oh you're sick."

"I think you mispronounced 'devilishly handsome'."

You scoffed, walking away from him before he jogs up to you, facing you as he starts walking backwards. "Hey, look, it isn't funny I got it. Apology accepted? Great! thanks. I knew you'd come around, angel."

"I actually thought I hurt you, dumbass."

"Hey, you could never hurt me, not for lack of trying but definitely because you don't know how to throw a punch for your life."

"Oh my god!" You exclaim in irritation.

"Look at you all hot and bothered." Joaquin guffaws at your face. "I wasn't the one that wanted to see me strip myself shirtless out in the open like this."

You pinch the bridge of your nose. "I swear to fucking God you're gunna wish-"

"HEY I CAN HEAR SOME OF 'EM OVER HERE!"

You and Joaquin turn your heads towards the voice before glancing at each other. "You wanna hold onto that sentiment?"

"Actually, I think this argument can wait. Part 2?"

"Jesus, just can't get enough of me, can you?" Joaquin accuses, shaking his head at you in disbelief. "I hate to say it, I think you're obsessed with me."

"You wish." You say biting down a grin with everything in you whilst pushing him away, hearing his raucuous laugh as both of you ran off as fast as you could. You don't realize he grabbed your hand and pulled you along with him this entire time until the both of you managed to run 3 blocks in the summer heat and he lets go of your hand to open the door to the mom n' pop store.

WASHINGTON, 2027

After hours upon hours of surgery Joaquin finally wakes up. His eyelids fluttering open as if it had been the first time in a long time, to a fancy hospital room with scattered beams of sunlight streaming in through the windows.

The last thing he recalls is him flying over Celestial Island, a misunderstanding with Sam which led to a sudden outward burst of bright orange engulfing him, and the faintest feeling of being pulled downwards from the sky. But he didn't expect you sitting on the armchair beside him with your head rested on your hand, eyes shut, and lips parted as he picks up on your soft snoring

Still incredibly lethargic, Joaquin couldn't help but grin at the sight of you. Oh, if only he had the strength to reach over to the bedside table to get his phone and take a picture. He would never let you live it down. In fact he'd probably print multiple copies of it and give them to you every Christmas moving forward, until when who knew.

Just as he was entertaining the thought in his mind, he sees you stir in the chair; letting out a large yawn, you blink repeatedly as your eyes try to get used to the brightness of the room.

"Wakey, wakey." Joaquin teased, causing your head to snap up at him in surprise. His voice still evidently hoarse never lacked the amusement it held wheneve he was a conversation with you. "you came all this way just to visit me huh tonto?" Moron.

You smiled, laughing through your nose. "I didn't have any plans for the weekend." You shrug, rubbing your eye free of the film that stuck it together. "Thought I'd drop by, see how terrible you look."

"Oh yeah? What's your verdict?" Joaquin implored.

"You look like if a sock monkey was put through a meat grinder." You say, punctuating your statement with a giggle that made Joaquin's internal organs do a somersault. "Then again you always look this chopped."

"Wow, way to kick a man while he's down." He replies, fake hurt. "I fell outta the sky a couple days ago, don't I get a day off from your... colorful opinions?"

You shook your head at him. "Nah, not when you made me your emergency contact." You shift in your position, boxing your arms over your chest as you look down at Joaquin with an almost cocksure expression. "Although I do have to say thank you, I met Captain America AND The Winter Soldier. On the same day."

Joaquin tilts his head back against the pillow, grinning at the cieling in disbelief. "See? And you're still convinced I don't do anything for you."

Your snort, chuckling loudly. "For a moment I nearly forgot I ran three red lights for you, all I could think about was how well Bucky fit in that suit-"

"-Three red lights? " Joaquin echoes suddenly, furrowing his eyebrows at you. "Damn, see this is why I made you my emergency contact, you're not afraid to break traffic rules."

"I could think of a dozen other people that you covuld've thought of before you chose me." You retaliated.

"Oh yeah? Do you think they had the guts to run a red light let alone three?"

"All three of your siblings maybe?" You suggest comically. "I dunno, just choose one. They'd be more than willing to run every red light possible."

"Red lights sure, but they weren't ballsy enough to break into a skate park with me at 4am on a school night just to hang out." He argued, smiling at you. "And of course there was that whole fiasco with the hotel on Hibiscus Avenue-"

"Irrelevant, we did that with a ton of friends."

"Yeah sure, let's leave out the fact that we made out twice afterwards." He rolled his eyes. "We didn't do that with 'a ton of friends'." He emphasized, almost mocking you.

You gawk at him in disbelief. "Low. We were 18."

"Hey, at least you can say you made out with The Falcon." Joaquin laughed at you. "Not many people can say that. Now that everybody knows about me because I fell into the stupid ocean you can pull that card whenever you like."

A moments pause.

"Captain America said they had to restart your heart." You brought up, staring at the ECG monitor before sighing. "What were you tryna prove now?"

"That I could do it." He says honestly, the answer practically lunging out of his mouth. "That I could be the next Falcon."

"Except you nearly died." You tell Joaquin, he takes note of your posture, sitting stiffly in the chair as the conversation takes a turn.

"I came back." Joaquin reasoned weakly. "The man upstairs let me off on a warning, says I still got some shit I gotta finish."

"Clearly its because He didn't want anyone face-planting into pillars or pissing off any of the cherubs." You sneered, causing him to let out a huff of laughter. "Its not like you've matured much since we last met. You're still crashing into shit, leaping off shit."

"-Excuse you, that's called falling with style." Joaquin insisted as a matter of factly. "If i learned anything about watching Disney movies everyday when I was a little kid is that Buzz Lightyear would be stinkin' proud if he could see where I am right now."

You don't roll your eyes at him or scoff at him or make yet another witty remark, what you did do surprised him and even you. Your eyes suddenly appeared to be more glassier than usual, you scratch the inner corner of your eye as you frowned at him. "I thought I lost you." You say, the instability of your tone was what made Joaquin's throat tighten.

"I'm still here, I'm right here." Joaquin assured you. "You know a little tumble can't stop me."

"What if next time you don't get so lucky, huh?" You wonder quietly. "What if this is the last time you injure yourself and I don't get to see you wake up high as a fucking kite and grinning at me like I just told you I introduced you to Antman?"

He manages to laugh through his nose. "Angel, have a little faith in me, would you?"

You bristle in your spot, feeling fully awake now. "I hate the fact that you keep putting yourself in situations where you can get hurt. What if eventually my faith just won't cut it anymore? You can't fucking blame me for living in fear." You argue with him as you wept, tears coursing down your cheeks as you chased at them with your palms.

"We aren't kids in Miami anymore, you're not in the air force, you're a superhero. You've got two feet in the grave at this point and I think you're just waiting for someone with a shovel."

Joaquin eyes begun to sting. "That's not fair." He says quietly, shaking his head. "I'm trying to make a difference in the world, a real difference." You knew he was, the both of you grew up watching the Avengers fight crime in New York, then in Sokovia. Now several years later they've got someone that looks like Joaquin helping out the common man. Sure, it was a huge difference. Representation came a long way. But you couldn't deny how terrified you were every time you got an update from him saying he was on a new mission with Captain America

"It wouldn't matter, not when I lose you in the process." You tell him honestly, seeing a tear escape the corner of his eye. "Look we're friends, I- I care about you."

"I care about you too." Joaquin replies, almost a little too quickly, possibly to mask the overwhelming ache in his chest when you bring up the fact that you are just friends. "Maybe a lot. Hell, you're the reason I'm here right now."

You stop to glare at him. "Okay, rude."

"Remember when I told you I only enlisted in the air force because my family couldn't afford to send me off to college?"

You nod, waiting for him to continue.

"We still didn't, but the real reason why is that I wanted to impress you." Joaquin professed, looking back at you with a half-smile, like he didn't just throw you in for a loop. "I know it's stupid-"

"It is, it really is." You interrupt him mid-speech.

"Look, all I wanted is for you to think I'm great..." Joaquin admitted loudly silencing you. Though he regrets it a second later as he wets his lips, lost in thought before speaking once more. "I thought that- that if I made something of myself then maybe you didn't look at me like I was just someone you grew up with that pissed you off all the damn time."

"Why?" You wonder, your brows still furrowed.

Joaquin opens his mouth, then closes it and lets out a huff of laughter. "I dunno, maybe cuz I sort of had a big fat crush on you in highschool."

"Oh yeah, I didn't pick up on that at all." You drawled sarcastically causing Joaquin to laugh at himself in embarrassment prompting you to chuckle at his face.

"Now this is the part where you say you liked me too."

"Is it?" You wonder, drying your eyes. "Huh... too bad."

"Huh... so this is the feeling of getting shot a hundred times." He says with realization.

"You gotta get used to it. You're The Falcon now, you can't cry if you stubbed a toe while trying to do the Michael Jackson lean."

"Hey that toe actually broke, you know."

"You're not helping yourself in this situation." You shook your head as you find yourself laughing at him again. "We really can't have one serious conversation."

If it was possible, Joaquin's smile grows wider. "Admit it, I make you laugh and you love it."

"Never in a million years." You enunciate. "And it dosent count because you're high."

"Me??? High???" He wonders almost scandalised. "Pshhh watch this, D-E-V-A-S-T-E-D."

That gets the tiniest chuckle out of you. "Well done, does somebody want a treat?"

"Nah, I want something better." He says, almost like he was alluding to something you're clearly not aware of.

You shook your head at him as it finally dawned on you. "Hell no, Joaquin."

"Come on!" He insisted as you hide your face in your hands. "You remember that day in the Hotel, right?"

"I'm not kissing you, your breath smells terrible."

"Ahhh so you haven't forgotten. I knew it." Joaquin guffawed, nodding.

"How many times do I gotta say no before you actually listen to me?" You clapped back, almost challenging him.

"D'you wanna find out? Because pucker up buttercu-"

He is swiftly silenced by the sudden collision of your lips onto his, he shuts his eyes closed as you re-angle your face, deepening the kiss. You feel his cold hands cup the side of your jaw, you flinch. He grins against your lips, he's definitely noticed. In return, you gently nibble on his lower lip making him let out a low groan that made you quiver, you lean in closer as if the pair of you weren't close enough at this point, your chest and his near centimetres apart, your heartbeats melding into one.

An intense fervor flourished to life within you as he tucks a strand of hair behind the shell of your ear, the strand of hair being draped over your face on account of having to lean closer to him. Joaquin moved his hands to grip the base of your neck just as his tongue entered your mouth, you allow him in as both of you passionately duel against eachother as if there was a battle to be won. No, Joaquin had to remind himself the fighting was in the past, all he could feel, all he could touch, all he could smell was you. All there was, was you. And that was a thousand victories on its own.

"Shit- angel... you're tryna kill me." He mumbled so quietly it made you chase at his lips, effectively shutting him up.

"That enough not to make you leave?" You answered, the kiss intensifying a hundred fold. Teeth clashing together, the sound of you and Joaquin gasping for air without having to pull away, laboured breaths in between the sound of poppysmic, and the sheets shuffling.

Suddenly the door knob turns and you and Joaquin pull away instantly, it was almost comical. It was the nurse with a concerned look on her face and a clipboard in her hands. "Is everything alright in here?"

Joaquin clears his throat, glancing back at you who was slouched in the armchair, scratching the side of your mouth. "Uhhh- y-yeah, yeah everything's uhm... fine."

"You two sure?" The nurse reiterates. "His heart rate spiked up all of a sudden, gave us all quite a scare out there."

You finally spoke up. "Sorry, no, we were just... laughing at the birds... outside."

"Uh-huh, you shoulda seen them... one of them was doing the Russian folk dance." Joaquin supplements, his statement falling apart mid-sentence. He makes a subtle face at you in confusion to which you mirror.

The nurse raises a quizzical brow at the pair of you, she takes note of the flushed cheeks and the apparent yet awkward looks you had on your faces that you two failed at hiding. She glances back at the monitor, Joaquin's heartrate wasn't as rampant as before as it began decreasing by the second.

"I'll come back in a while, keep that heart rate of yours in check pretty boy."

"Isn't that kinda your job?"

"Excuse me? "

"That was outta line... that's my bad." Joaquin replies quickly, offering an apologetically cheeky smile as the nurse shuts the door behind her, muttering to herself.

You and Joaquin then look at eachother.

"You know... that's three now." He suddenly says.

"Oh, so we're keeping count? " You bounce back, sitting up.

"Yeah, so we can keep breaking that record..." Joaquin paused. "If you're interested." He suggested coyly causing you to roll your eyes at him again, trying your best not to let him see the red tint blossoming from your cheeks.

You hummed out a laugh. "Try and get outta that hospital bed first, let's see what happens."

[greenwitchfromthewoods]

father. l Joel Miller

Summary: life decided to surprise you

Warnings: angst, sad, some fluff, anger, crying, worries, vomiting ; Ellie appears there, mention of pregnancy

A/N: ok so, i've been planning this for a while now, i hope you'll take this chapter well and have mercy on me. i'm waiting for your opinions. thank you

your feedback is very important to me and I thank you for all the reblogs, comments and likes. 🖤 sorry for all the mistakes

short stories from life. [masterlist]

It was still early, the sun had only recently begun to slowly break through the curtains of your bedroom. The silence in the room was broken only by your steady breathing as you curled up in a deep sleep, unaware that Joel was no longer asleep.

He rested his head on his hand and watched you closely. The strands of your hair spilling over the pillow, he saw how your chest rose with your gentle breath, noticed the delicate movements of your body and felt your warmth.

God, he loved you so much, and at the same time he had been feeling a strange fear. It all started almost two weeks ago when he made himself some coffee in the morning, and after entering the kitchen you immediately ran to the bathroom.

"It must be yesterday's stew." You mumbled when your stomach had already calmed down, and Joel insisted that you should stay at home that day.

However, the situation repeated itself several times. Joel was on patrol at the time, but Ellie told him about it, warning him that you forbade her to tell anyone about it, especially Joel.

"It could be something serious." she mumbled, clearly concerned that she was breaking her promise to you. "I don't want anything to happen to her."

It worried him, and even more so because you pretended that there was no problem. Joel wasn't stupid, so he let every thought come to his mind, even the one that scared him the most.

"When was the last time you bled?"

You looked at him in surprise, fluffing the pillow. "What kind of question is that?"

He picked up the sheets from the ground that were supposed to go to the wash and shrugged. "I just wondered. Didn't you think that maybe..."

He noticed how you frowned and tensed up. Apparently you didn't let that thought get to you, but Joel did. He had been a father before, he knew perfectly well how pregnancy went and was a good observer.

"Maybe what?" you asked quietly.

"I think you might be pregnant." he finally said and you chuckled.

"Please." you snorted, "That's impossible."

"Why?" He put the sheets on the bed and rested his arms on his hips. "You're nauseous, more sleepy, your breasts...are bigger. Baby, have you considered that you could..."

"No!" you interrupted him firmly "I know pulling out isn't the best method of contraception, but we're careful." Joel raised his eyebrows and you groaned "Why do you even have to bring this up?" you sat down on the bed, burying your face in your hands.

"Sweetheart, I know it's hard..." he said, coming over and sitting next to you, he stroked your back slowly "But... I remember what it looked like, and now I see it on you. We should check it out and..."

"No!" you interrupted him abruptly and stood up unexpectedly "I'm not pregnant. It's just some stupid virus or something. I'm tired and that's all."

The tears that appeared in your eyes hurt him. The thought of pregnancy, of a child, was painful for him, but then he realized what you could feel. You knew about Sarah and that he had lost her. You had to find out since her name was in Tommy's house. However, you never talked about it, you never asked him about that life. And now...

You must have been terrified and you didn't allow yourself to think about this possibility at all.

The next few days passed by avoiding the topic. Joel knew that you were vomiting, although you tried to hide it. He saw how you were fighting sleep. You were so incredibly stubborn not to admit to yourself what he was trying to tell you. So he had to take matters into his own hands.

You slowly opened your eyes and stretched. You didn't even have time to greet him when three pregnancy tests appeared before your eyes.

"I got them on the last patrol." Joel announced "Please, just do it. If it's a virus, I'll leave you alone. I want to make sure you're safe."

You wanted to rebel, you wanted to talk him out of this stupid idea, but you gave in. It made no sense. So you disappeared into the bathroom for the longest five minutes of your lives.

Joel knew he'd never forget the look on your face when you opened the door. Your eyes were wide, and your face was filled with terror and shock. He'd barely taken the test from your hand when you'd slumped to the floor, tears streaming down your face.

All three were positive.

It was like a punch in the gut. He'd guessed that might be the case, but the reality had overwhelmed him.

"I can't, I can't, Joel..." you repeated as he stared at the result, unable to gather his thoughts, "God, what have I done!"

"Honey, it's not just you..." he said sitting down next to you and taking you in his arms, but nothing reached you.

No words from him, no comforting. You cried until you got tired and fell asleep again.

"A baby? You're having a baby?" Tommy looked at Joel in surprise "Wow! I mean... That's great, right?"

It was late. Jackson was shrouded in darkness when Joel appeared on his brother's porch. Despite the invitation, he didn't go inside, he was too shaken to even sit down.

Now that he had confessed to his brother what you had found out that morning, he felt the reality starting to creep in.

"I'm too old for this." he muttered, shaking his head in disbelief "I can't believe that.. Shit! Do you know what I put her through? I was stupid to think that I could have a normal life, that we could pretend that..."

"Fuck, Joel!" Tommy hissed, looking at him angrily "What are you talking about?! You love her!"

"So what?!" he snapped "That won't save her and...the baby."

He was furious. He clenched his hands on the porch railing, not even knowing what he expected. The strong need to throw it all away made Joel go to his brother, but he didn't support him. No, he told him that what he was so afraid of was wonderful.

"Would you marry her if the world was different?"

The question surprised him. He looked at Tommy, confused.

"It's a simple question." Tommy leaned back next to him and folded his arms over his chest. "Would you marry her? Would you like to have this child then?"

He slowly nodded.

"You think you don't deserve a normal life, but that's not true. You have the right to be happy, and she gives it to you. I'm sure she's scared too..."

"She's been crying nonstop since this morning, she hasn't eaten much…" Joel replied. "I'm scared, you know. I don't want to lose her… Her and the baby."

"When Maria was pregnant I was scared too. But we have a really good doctor in Jackson. We have the equipment."

Joel closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He felt like Tommy had lifted some of the burden off his shoulders and filled his heart with a little hope.

"Please don't tell anyone in Jackson." he said finally. "Let's keep this between us for now."

"Sure." Tommy patted him on the back. "Of course, she won't be going on patrols anymore. I'll find someone else to take her place."

"Thanks."

It was earlier when he went down to the kitchen and noticed with surprise that Ellie was preparing tea and breakfast. She bustled around without a word and put everything on a tray as if she wanted to take it somewhere.

"What are you doing?" Joel asked, and the girl almost jumped.

"What does it look like?" she snapped. "I'm making her breakfast. She hasn't eaten since yesterday. I don't know what's wrong with her, but if she keeps this up, she'll spit her stomach out. Maybe she should see a doctor, eh?"

"The doctor probably won't help her now." Joel snapped, pouring himself some coffee.

Ellie put the pan in the sink and looked at him in surprise. "What do you mean?" she asked "Don't tell me she's pregnant or something."

Joel swallowed a sip of coffee, but didn't answer. He also didn't see Ellie's eyes widen with excitement.

"Oh, fuck!" she screamed excitedly and immediately fell silent, scolded by Joel's look. "Really?! Shit, dude! I thought you knew how this would end, but you're so crazy about her that I'm not surprised. A baby…"

She took the tray in her hands, but immediately put it down as if something had occurred to her.

"That's why she's crying so much," she said worriedly, "I saw her eyes. She hasn't left the room since yesterday."

"She's..." Joel didn't know how to put it all into words, it was so surreal, "It caught us off guard. We don't know how to deal with it yet."

"What do you mean?" Ellie grimaced, "You love each other, you're going to have a baby. It's pretty simple."

He raised a hand to stop the girl, because her stream of thoughts was slowly overwhelming him. "It's not that simple, Ellie. Bringing a child into this world is risky."

The girl shrugged. "But you're his father, right? You'll keep her and the little one safe. This kid really hit the jackpot. I know what I'm talking about! I don't know my father or mom, but you two are doing a really good job."

It was late when Joel took you to the clinic two days later. The streets of Jackson were dark, and Dr. Morris opened the door for you without unnecessary remarks. You didn't want anyone to see you, you didn't want anyone to know.

Even though you weren't crying anymore, everything still seemed unrealistic to you. At first you denied the thought of pregnancy, then you blamed yourself, and none of Joel's words could change that. Even though it was hard for him, he finally accepted it. You would have a child, he would be a father again.

Maybe Tommy was right? Maybe he had a chance for a little happiness in his life? He had Ellie, who was like a daughter to him. And he had you. And you were everything. With you, he felt as if you took his heart in your hands and took care of it. He couldn't imagine any other life than with you. What if the world looked different? Yes, Tommy was right. He wouldn't hesitate. Even though Joel had already been burned once, and even though his heart was broken, with you he wanted to try again.

"This might feel a little uncomfortable." Doctor Morris said as you settled down and pulled your shirt up, the cool gel covering your lower abdomen. "Don't worry. It'll take a moment."

You nodded. Your hand nervously gripped the edge of the couch, but Joel noticed and took it in his. He was sitting right next to you, and now he kissed your hand and stared at the screen.

"Okay." The doctor pressed a few switches and ran the probe over your skin. "We've got everything here... Give me a second. Oh, yes! Here it is."

He pointed to something small inside your uterus. "It's still tiny. This could be week five or six."

You started counting quickly in your head. It had to have happened before Shane's wedding. Maybe when you came back from one of the dances? Maybe when Ellie was staying over at a friend's and you and Joel finally had the house to yourselves? You looked at him and saw that the same thoughts were swirling in his head.

And then the doctor pressed something and you heard a strange sound. A steady, regular, clattering sound.

"The heart is beating strongly." Morris smiled "It should come in mid-winter, I think. Everything looks fine now."

It was only when you both left the clinic and the door closed behind you, only when the cold wind swept your face, that you felt that it was all real.

Joel placed a hesitant hand on the lower part of your back "How do you feel?" he asked.

"I have no idea, really." you replied "It's... It's overwhelming and it's so hard for me to believe it."

"Me too. I didn't think I'd ever face something like this again, but with you... With you I could do it."

You looked at him, you knew that it must have been hard for Joel too. Neither of you planned this, you didn't even talk about it.

"Do you want this baby?" you asked quietly.

He was silent for a moment, but finally those brown eyes that you loved so much looked at you and you knew. "I would like to have everything with you. No matter what you decide, I will always be by your side, baby. We will handle it."

"I know..." you smiled slightly and reached for his hand.

For the first time, he touched your belly with the thought that your child was inside. Safe and sound, not knowing how scared his parents were. But Joel felt it, he felt that warm feeling again that slowly filled his heart and gave him hope.

He could have everything again. With you.

"I'm so fucking scared." you whispered.

"Yeah, baby. Me too."

☆☆☆☆

Thank you for your time.

taglist, i think: @picketniffler @orcasoul @bbyanarchist @o-sacra-virgo-laudes-tibi @somedayheaven @underneath-the-sky-again @callmebyyournick-name

[akuta-coughhackwheeze-gawa]

cant stand seeing people take the complexity of atsushis relationship with the headmaster and claim that the author is trying to push that the abusers a good guy. holy oversimplification of an incredibly nuanced topic and portrayal.

atsushi hates the headmaster. he expresses intense anger at him for what he did even in recent chapters but hes also repressing his sadness at his death because that anger is blinding him and its preventing him from being able to complete the grieving process. i think just in general he was struggling to cope with his own emotions at the time. he hated the director and thought that meant he couldnt mourn him. it was much easier to believe the director hated him and that was that but im glad asagiri tackled this topic because it adds so much more humanity to all the characters and is a pretty common aspect of abuse irl.

when he first comprehends the news atsushi is clearly happy but it also feels a bit like hes playing it up. as if he doesnt exactly know how he should act. he reinforces all hes done to him “he abused me horrifically so of course i should be ecstatic” but it doesnt feel entirely genuine. his real feelings are much more complex than that. tanizaki asks him if he wants to know why the director was here looking for him and atsushi says no, insisting the director mustve been here to hurt him. but the way he responds when he learns of the directos true intentions suggests that he mightve been considering this from the start. after all, the director told him to never hate himself as a child but he either blocked it out or didnt pay much attention to it so he mightve already suspected this.

at this age, he already knew the answers to these questions. as a child he believed he was being punished solely because the director hated him (which the director verbally reinforced) and he continued to tell himself that, trying to ignore the bits that suggested otherwise. he told tanizaki the director was probably there to kill him even though he was told that his punishment was a lesson to help him learn to endure pain so he could survive in this world, even after the director told him to take all his hate out on him and to never hate himself, even after the “poison” didnt kill him.

despite all the realizations, he didnt want to accept it. or couldnt for his own wellbeing. at this point, he remembered the directors words about not hating himself, realized he was being punished for going rampant as the tiger and was being fed nutrients, remembered the directors actions that suggested he wasnt doing what he did out of pure malice yet he still couldnt help but try to deny that the director could ever care about him. by now, atsushi knows that its true but he doesnt want it to be

he was unable to cope with the duality of the directors actions and his own feelings so dazai helped him. he told atsushi that multiple things can be true. the headmaster is despicable, he thought he was doing what was best for atsushi, the directors actions are a huge part of what made atsushi who he is today, atsushi doesnt have to forgive him, the director is unforgivable. he told him that he could still hate the headmaster and that he could cry for him as well. he was validating both atsushis pain/anger AND his grief and it was then that atsushi finally allowed himself to mourn.

its also worth mentioning he said “thats what i think” in regard to the orphanage directors actions keeping atsushi alive and teaching him how to live. at the end of the day, it must be said that this is dazais opinion and dazai is someone who has used similar methods. he gave akutagawa a reason to live regardless of how much trauma and pain it led to. he hurt akutagawa for the sake of keeping him alive. the director wanted atsushi to hate him so he wouldnt hate himself, wanted him to feel as if his entire existence is a burden and hes unworthy to live if he doesnt help others so hed save people just as dazai was degrading so that he could give akutagawa something to chase after, a reason to live, and just as he wanted akutagawa to depend his self worth on dazais approval and fear punishment so that he would listen to dazai and wouldnt become a slave to his own ability and destroy himself.

he did it with good intentions in mind but as he said, it isnt justified. although he can most likely somewhat understand the directors line of thinking because of that. so far it doesnt seem like he regrets what hes done because he believes hes getting the results he wanted (atsushi and akutagawa teaming up). he hasnt been shown to account for the pain he inflicted which i assume would be the case with the director as well. they understand their methods are cruel and horrible but they prioritize doing what they believe they need to do to raise aku/atsu right but i digress

and this wasnt the end of things. atsushi is still angry at the director. he didnt let this prevent him from hating him and he didnt start glorifying his abuser. he was finally able to healthily deal with some of his trauma which he still is dealing with to this day and he isnt portrayed as in the wrong for hating him

it is undeniable that he somewhat feels a bond with the headmaster. he looks to him for guidance and even had to cover that up by imagining dazai in his place. the journey is far from over which is another thing i love. him and akutagawa basically fall on opposite ends of the spectrum. both of them look towards their mentors for guidance but atsushis hate overshadows that while akutagawas admiration overshadows his contempt

in the main universe he has supportive people in his life and dazai is able to help him mourn but he doesnt have that support group in beast so when he learns of the headmasters intentions, he latches onto the idea of someone caring about him and glorifies him. it was a trauma response and including it doesnt mean asagiri is saying that the director was a good man. it is far from uncommon for abuse victims to form a trauma bond with their abusers and akutagawa is even shown doing some form of this in the main series. in beast, rather than helping atsushi mourn, dazai uses this situation to control atsushi and he doesnt get the chance to overcome this. at the end of the series, mori is the one offering to help him mourn and it is implied that he is able to heal eventually by letting go of the headmasters gift and finding something else to validate his existence with.

mori expresses he disagrees with dazai and his method of using atsushis trauma to control him as well as the directors cruel methods, insisting he lets him help him overcome his trauma from the headmaster and he is presented as a positive force in atsushis life who is there to help him heal. if asagiri was trying to insist that the director was a good guy, atsushis singular positive influence wouldnt be disapproving of his methods and preventing atsushi from leaving until he can discard of his gift. and he wouldnt continue allowing main universe atsushi to hate him right after dazai explained why he did what he did let alone in the recent chapters

this was longer than i expected it to be so i hope my thought process is coherent and i didnt screw anything up. im always too chicken to post the long stuff but maybe thisll make it out

[tojipie]

˚ ✧ content: first-time parent toji, doctor reader, fluff, brief mentions of injury

“oh— hey! found one more for you down the hall.” a dreaded patient chart is thrust into your arms before you can tell the cheery nurse that your shift is already over. 

“great,” you mutter, tiredly scanning the stack of paperwork as you make your way down the hall. it was way too late for this. 

2-year-old male, already triaged and x-rayed. drove in by his dad about 2 hours ago. nothing too extensive, wouldn’t take more than an hour to get him sent home. 

soft cries greet you at the door to the examination room, a hushed voice— his father— attempting to console the child.

“megs, c'mon. you’re gonna be okay! these are good people.” the older man whispers, sighing as the toddler’s sobs only grow louder.

your knock silences them both, the little boy trying to put on a strong face for you despite the little sniffles wracking his chest. 

the kid is a carbon copy of his dad, donning the same shaggy black hair and big green eyes. the toddler looks up at you hesitantly, long lashes slick with tears.

“see? doctor’s here,” his dad coos, feigning fake excitement as you shut the door behind you. you can hear the quiver in his voice as he says it, anxiety eating away at his composure.

first-time parent you think, cute. always more terrified than the child. always.

“how’s our little trooper doing?” you smile, sympathetic to both their states. the younger boy says nothing, wiping the wetness from his face with his good arm. poor baby.

“fell off his trike in the driveway,” the father explains, shaking his head. he was charming, soft-spoken yet commanding respect. gnarled edges of a scar gracing the side of his mouth.

“can i see? just want to have a better look at the injury site,” you say calmly, snapping on a pair of blue gloves.

“show her where it hurts kiddo,” he asks tenderly, wincing as you take the ice pack off to expose the child’s swollen wrist.  

megumi looks up at you curiously as you examine the injury, exhausted from a mix of pain and sleep deprivation.

 “mama?” he mumbles, idly kicking his feet in his father’s lap.

“no bud not mama.” the older man laughs, clearly embarrassed. you feel your heart twinge just a bit at the adorable show of confusion.  

“no broken skin, the joint is still aligned too.” you say confidently, placing the ice pack back. “likely not a break or a dislocation but i’ll look at the x-rays just so we’re positive, sound good?”

the father nods quietly, hugging his son to his chest.

“his mom was never in the picture, s’ hard handling him alone,” the older man doesn’t follow up on his comment, leaving it at that.

you nod. “i’m sorry.”

“toji,” he mumbles.

“i’m sorry, toji.”

it doesn’t take long for you to go over the blue images. an intact bone stands out against the illuminated wall, not a break thankfully. the stranger catches on soon enough, tension leaving his body at the good news. 

“looks like it’s just a sprain,” you say, pointing to the image. 

“see that kiddo?” he whispers, turning the little boy’s head toward you. “s’ nothing.”

“nofing?” megumi mumbles, clearly too tired to pay attention anymore. shy as a bunny.

“you’re gonna want to ice and elevate for at least the next two days, you should see a full recovery by then but if not i want you to come right back, okay?” you explain.

the father nods, propping his little boy down on the floor as you type out your post-visit instructions.

“say thank you to the pretty doctor megs,” he encourages, chuckling as the little boy waddles over to hug your leg with his good arm. so incredibly tiny. 

pretty huh? you could get used to that.

“fank you.” his sweet voice latches onto your tired heart and melts you from the inside. megumi slumps down against your shoe as sleep takes over, caught under the arms and swept into his dad’s arms in an instant. 

[ephemeralinstance]

Why is Rook so uncurious?

I've seen people complain that Veilguard changes Solas' motivations. And that's sort of true, but really it doesn't so much change them as just try really hard not to look at them. All of the things we were shown in previous games about the ongoing and serious harm done by the Veil still remain completely true, it's just that Rook is never allowed to ask or think about any of this stuff. Which is frustrating because it significantly weakens Rook's character: they end up coming off as determinedly ignorant and uncurious.

Take the information we're given about why taking down the Veil is bad - which seems entirely limited to Varric's claim that it would 'drown the world in demons.' Rook is constantly parroting this line, treating Varric as the ultimate authority on the matter. But this claim makes very little sense, because it surely cannot be the case that Solas wants to create a world filled with nothing but demons. From Inquisition we know he's greatly distressed every time a spirit becomes a demon, so that can't possibly be the outcome that he's expecting.

Of course, Solas could be wrong; he's certainly been wrong about many things before and he's not thinking very clearly. But even so, why on earth would we take Varric's word over Solas' here? Solas is an ancient and knowledgeable mage, the only person around who lived before the Veil, and he literally made the Veil. Whereas Varric is not a mage, has never studied magic or spirits, and is canonically frightened of the Fade and spirits: in the Lighthouse he mentions several times that he finds this 'Fade shit' weird. How could he possibly be in a position to know better than Solas about what would happen if the Veil came down?

Maybe I as a player can just accept that because Varric is The Narrator he must be right about all this. But Rook doesn't know that Varric is The Narrator. So it just feels like Rook is either incredibly ignorant or so devoted to Varric that their ability to think for themself has completely shut down. It's such an odd, anti-intellectual, anti-expert framing: don't do research or talk to anyone who has knowledge on the matter, just accept unquestioningly what your friend says.

Equally frustrating is the absence of any critical thinking about Solas' reasons for doing what he's doing. The only thing Varric and Harding tell Rook about this is that Solas is doing it because the ancient world was beautiful, but what does that mean? And is it really plausible that Solas is doing all this just because of aesthetics?

Rook hears Solas say 'The Veil is a wound on the world,' and never once thinks to ask - what did he mean by that? A wound is something that causes harm, that causes pain. What is the Veil harming? What pain is it responsible for? (From previous games we know the answer, of course. It's harming spirits, mages, and perhaps elves. But Rook never bothers to ask Solas, or to ask anyone else, or even to try to think about for themself about it.).

There's a moment right at the very end, where Solas is finally permitted to mention that he's doing this partly for the spirits. But in a perfect encapsulation of their whole dynamic, Rook immediately interrupts him. Doesn't even let him finish his sentence. Rook is so completely confident that they know best for the spirits and that this person who literally was once a spirit couldn't possibly have any insight into the matter.

At the beginning of the game Varric comments that he chose the name 'Rook' because Rook tends to think in straight lines. Which struck me as odd at the time, because 'thinks in straight lines' sounds like Varric is saying Rook isn't very smart. I thought I must have misinterpreted it, because why on earth would you choose to impose as a requirement on all players that their pc must lack critical thinking? But looking back I can see that's kinda exactly what they did, which - maybe they thought it would be more relatable? Still, if you're going to impose a fixed personality on the main character of a game, it's baffling to me that you would pick 'absence of critical thinking' as one of their main features.

[leashybebes]

I feel so mean but I want to know how Buck reacted when he opened his fridge and saw that Tommy bought CHAMPAGNE, clearly planning to celebrate...

(I like breaking my own heart, it's my biggest Tommy trait of all...)

ohhhh that IS mean, i love it.

When Tommy walks out - again - Buck just stands for a long moment, once again wondering how things between them can be so, so good, and then can go south so fast. Because he's pretty sure Tommy was going to stay, long enough to eat breakfast at least, and then longer than that. And then Tommy said something really fucking stupid, and Buck said something really fucking mean and then - then he was just gone.

God damn it.

Not quite sure what else to do, Buck picks up the coffee Tommy had poured for him and takes a sip. Perfect. It's perfect. It's been months, and Tommy can still make Buck's coffee just like he likes it. It feels like it should mean something, but - but Tommy's not here. Maybe that's who he is - maybe that's as much as they'll ever have. Shallow moments of connection that feel like they mean more. Incredible sex. Talking past each other until they hit on a soft spot too painful to process properly, and Tommy walks out.

Tommy's always leaving, and Buck's always being left, and he's suddenly so, so tired.

The breakfast that had smelled so good when Buck first registered it holds no appeal. He tries a slice of bacon anyway, because he hates wasting food, and just like the coffee it's perfect. Just like the coffee, the perfection feels unearned and unstable and like it's just begging Buck to read too much into it. When he'd walked into the kitchen and seen Tommy, tired but gorgeous in the soft morning light, when he'd seen the veritable feast laid out across the worktop, he'd been rocked right off his feet and back into their six months together. Felt spoiled and adored and looked after and like it meant something. 

Fuck it, though, he thinks to himself. Maybe it just meant Tommy was hungry. They sure did wear each other out last night. He gathers up the fruit, the bagels, transfers the hot food to a single dish, digs out some saran wrap from one of the boxes Tommy had half unpacked and moves mechanically, covering plates and dishes to keep the food fresh even though he already knows there's almost no chance he'll be able to choke any of it down without seeing Tommy's ghost in the edges of his vision, filling up the kitchen of Buck's new place with missed opportunities, just like he did to the old place.

When the food's condensed and covered, it feels less meaningful. It's just leftovers. God, it's all just leftovers.

Buck opens the fridge to start putting things away and almost drops a plate. 

Because there, in his empty fridge, is a bottle of champagne. He stares for a long, long moment, but it doesn't go anywhere. Doesn't transform itself into a less obvious drink, doesn't magically become a bottle of juice or a carton of milk.

Tommy went to the store and must have paid well over the odds, because that place a few roads over is probably as far as he could have gone, and it's daylight fucking robbery in there, and he bought champagne.

There's no way, Buck thinks, feeling hopeful and heartbroken and angry and confused and regretful and desperate and like he's missed a step in the dark again, there's no way that means nothing.

It means Tommy lied about having a shift. It means Tommy wanted to celebrate. It means Tommy thought they'd have something to celebrate. It means they probably would have tumbled back into bed a couple hours from now, well-fed and a little tipsy. It means Tommy didn't want to leave. 

It means he left anyway, leaving pieces of himself behind like he always does.

Buck takes a breath, moves the bottle aside, and starts loading up the fridge.

[shortnspidey]

CHAPTER FIVE: SANCTUARY

Bucky Barnes X Fem!Stark!reader || WC: 6.2K

SUMMARY: Bucky Barnes, caught in a political storm and haunted by his past as the Winter Soldier, battles internal guilt and fragmented memories while finding solace in someone who sees beyond his trauma, intensifying his struggle between seeking connection and fearing the harm he might cause.

WARNINGS: Hurt-Comfort, Fluff, HYDRA trauma, sad Bucky, one-sided miscommunication, idiots in love, angsty with a happy ending!

A/N: I am WAY too single to be writing this! The chapter you've all been waiting for is finally here!! I hope you guys enjoy, I made sure to make it a long one for making you guys wait!! <3

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A FEW YEARS LATER …

“Would you stop it!”

“Doll, I told you I can do it myself.”

"And I told you, I'd help. You should know it’s pointless arguing with me.”

Who would have thought that the infamous Winter Soldier, the ghost in the shadows, the weapon of whispered nightmares, the man who’d carried the weight of too many battles, too much loss, and an ocean of guilt would cower so easily under a simple act of kindness. The kind that made his hand twitch ever so slightly, as if they weren’t sure what to do when they weren’t clenched into fists.

The kind that made his breath hitch each time your fingers grazed his skin, like he wasn’t sure if he was allowed to enjoy it. It was the kind of vulnerability that came not from weakness, but from too many years spent braced for pain, never comfort. He flinched, not away from you, but inward unsure of what to make of the gentleness you offered so freely. You smiled then, a quiet, knowing smile, recognizing the delicate war waging behind his eyes.

Not the kind fought with bullets and blades, but instead the kind fought in silence, in stillness. The kind fought when no one was looking. As you continued to brush through the strands of his hair, now only slightly less tangled, you could feel the smallest shift in him. It was in the way his shoulders, always so stiff, began to lose their edge. It was in the way his head tilted just slightly into your hand, clearly unintentional but telling.

There was something achingly human about it. Something that made your heart ache for the boy underneath all that steel and sorrow. "That's what I thought." You muttered softly, teasing, your voice like a thread weaving into the silence between you. He responded with a barely-there pout, the ghost of irritation crossing his face, but he didn’t pull away. If anything, he stilled, letting you work the brush gently through the stubborn knots.

Then, for a moment, he went silent in that way he did when he was thinking too loud. You could feel it in the subtle tension that returned to his shoulders, in the way his jaw tightened just a bit. He was caught again in the habit of bracing, bracing for rejection, for consequence, for history to repeat itself. The part of him that had survived everything told him to pull away, to not rely on anyone but himself. That had always been safer. But slowly, ever so slowly, there was a softening, a hint of surrender.

Ever since being brought out of cryo, he’d been like this, cautious, quiet, constantly re-learning the world like a man waking from a lifetime-long sleep. You’d watched him rebuild himself piece by piece, and never once had you rushed him. "You're incredibly stubborn, you know that right?" He grunted, but you caught the way his lips quirked, just barely at the corners. A reluctant, almost boyish smile. As you set the hairbrush down and pulled the hair tie off your wrist, you saw him watching you, not with suspicion anymore, but with something closer to curiosity.

“Sure, I’m stubborn,” You scoffed, the corners of your mouth curling up as you gathered his long, unruly hair and began to pull it back. His hair, still damp from his shower, slipped easily through your fingers, soft, surprisingly so. “There we go,” You muttered more to yourself than to him, securing it with practiced ease, then stepping back to take in the sight before you. “Handsome as ever.” The words escaped before you could stop them, but they were nothing but honest.

That’s when you saw it. The flush rising on his cheeks, a soft red blooming just beneath the surface. He dropped his gaze for a moment, almost shyly. "Thank you." He whispered, so quiet you might have missed it if you weren’t standing so close, if you hadn’t learned how to listen for the things he didn’t say out loud. You shook your head gently, smiling. "You don't have to thank me, Bucky. I don't mind helping you with your hair." But he looked up again, his blue eyes locking onto yours with a startling intensity.

“No doll,” He muttered, voice a silent breath. “I mean… thank you for everything.” You didn’t need him to explain. You knew what he meant. “You don’t have to thank me. I didn’t do it because I had to, Bucky. I did it because I wanted to.” His breath hitched, just barely, like he wasn’t used to hearing those words. His eyes, stormy and sharp, softened as he looked at you, something breaking and mending all at once in the silence between you. He blinked, slow and deliberate, as if afraid that if he looked away, the moment might vanish.

And maybe, for the first time in a long time, he let himself believe it.

"Afternoon," Shuri's voice broke the silence. You both flinched, subtly, but enough. Damn Shuri and her timing. She stood in the doorway with her arms crossed and a small, knowing smile tugging at the corner of her lips. Her voice was light, casual, but her eyes missed nothing. She was always three steps ahead, and right now you despised her for it. “Sergeant Barnes,” She acknowledged with a slight nod. Bucky straightened instinctively, a faint flush clinging to the tops of his ears.

“Bucky.” He corrected, the word slightly stiff, but not unkind. His voice had the same gravelly edge it always did, but there was a flicker of something else, faint embarrassment, maybe, or the echo of the intimacy that had just been interrupted. Shuri turned her gaze to you next, raising a single brow in that way she did when she already knew everything. “Y/N,” She greeted simply, but the way she said your name carried a teasing lilt, like she was holding back a smirk. You offered a half-smile in return, trying to suppress the heat rising in your cheeks.

She looked between the two of you again, drawing out the silence. Both you and Bucky were suddenly very interested in anything but each other’s eyes, as if refusing to acknowledge the moment would somehow erase the tension hanging in the air. “Hope I wasn’t interrupting anything.” She coaxed innocently, though her voice was dripping with amusement. Her arms crossed loosely over her chest, and the corners of her mouth twitched as she struggled to hold back the smirk threatening to break free.

Bucky responded first, but far too quickly. “No,” He declared, a bit too sharply, and then cleared his throat, like the word had leapt out of him before he could smooth it over. His gaze slowly snapped up to meet Shuri’s, doing his best to appear unbothered, even though the tips of his ears had gone slightly more pink. “Just getting my hair done.” You could have laughed, but you bit the inside of your cheek instead, trying not to give Shuri any more ammunition.

“Mhm,” Shuri mused, arms folded, her lips twitching in a way that said she was enjoying this far too much. “How very domestic.” You rolled your eyes, exhaling a short breath through your nose, amused despite yourself. Still, you squared your shoulders, stepping slightly forward, not confrontational, but certainly protective. “Was there something you needed, Princess?” You asked, arching a brow at her, the sarcasm gently woven into your voice. Shuri, unbothered as ever, turned her attention back to Bucky with a sudden shift in energy.

“Actually, yes,” Her eyes sharpened with focus, and just like that, the mood in the room shifted again. Whatever she’d come to say, it wasn’t casual. “Ayo is waiting for you.” At those words, Bucky tensed. It was subtle, but you saw it. The way his shoulders tightened beneath the fabric of his shirt, the way his jaw clenched almost imperceptibly. His breath caught in his chest for a moment too long, and his eyes flickered, distant, as if the name alone had triggered a door in his mind that he wasn’t ready to walk through again. You knew what that meant.

Another session.

Ever since he had been taken out of cryo, those sessions with Ayo had been a brutal, intimate unraveling of everything Hydra had built inside him. They weren’t just about erasing the code, they were about confronting the man he’d been forced to become, syllable by syllable. You’d seen the aftermath more than once. The way he came back shaken, silent. Like something had been exorcised from him and he didn’t know what to fill the space with yet. So the moment Shuri spoke those words, you instinctively stepped forward.

You were already halfway to him, your hand twitching at your side, ready to go with him. To sit a safe distance away. To be whatever he needed you to be when it was over. But Bucky caught the shift in you before you even spoke. His eyes, those soft, cerulean-blue eyes met yours, steady and firm. “Doll,” He coxed, voice low and gentle, “Stay. Here.” It wasn’t cold. It wasn’t rejection. You opened your mouth to protest, to tell him he didn’t have to go through it alone, but then you saw the look on his face. That subtle furrow in his brow, the way his lips parted like he was about to say more but didn’t.

He didn’t need to explain. You saw it in his expression. This was something he needed to do alone. Not because he didn’t trust you, but because he needed to trust himself. Your throat tightened, but you swallowed down the instinct to argue. “Okay,” You surrendered softly, your voice barely above a whisper. Bucky gave you a small nod, as if in gratitude, and turned to follow Shuri. You watched him go, the sound of his boots growing fainter with each step, your heart aching in the space he left behind.

Almost as if it were muscle memory, Bucky walked deep into the secluded clearing in Wakanda, his steps silent on the well-worn path. He hesitated for half a second, the breath catching in his throat before forcing himself forward. It was beautiful there, peaceful even, but peace was something that still felt foreign to him. “James.” Ayo’s voice broke through the stillness, low and respectful, but firm as ever. A grounding presence. He nodded in return, a tight, curt motion, swallowing against the dryness building in his throat.

“I’m ready.” He muttered quietly, though the words sat like stones on his tongue. A lie told often enough it started to sound like truth. Part of him was always ready. The rest of him never would be. Ayo didn’t respond, she never tried to convince him. She simply turned and gestured toward the familiar mat beneath the shade of the tree. A place that had seen him at his most vulnerable. His most afraid. His most human. Bucky lowered himself slowly, every joint stiff like his body was bracing for impact.

He crossed his legs, spine rigid despite the soft give of the earth beneath him. His hands rested on his knees, knuckles already pale from the pressure he unconsciously applied. “You sure about this?” He asked his voice a rough whisper. The anxiety was creeping up the back of his neck.“I won’t let you hurt anyone.” Ayo reassured softly, with the same certainty she had every time. But no matter how often she said it, a part of him never quite believed it.

Then, she began. Her voice shifted, deliberate, controlled. The cadence of a ritual neither of them liked but both knew was necessary.

“Longing.”

The word struck like a stone skipping across the surface of his mind. A flicker of something he couldn’t place. A heartbeat too loud in his ears.

“Rusted.”

His left shoulder twitched. He swallowed hard, the pressure in his chest building.

“Seventeen.”

Memories flickered behind his eyes, gunmetal halls, blood on his hands, screams muffled by orders he never asked for. “It’s not gonna work,” Bucky insisted, his voice cracking as he closed his fists tighter, fingernails digging into the flesh of his right palm.

“Daybreak.”

A flash, sunlight reflecting off a rifle barrel. The weight of it in his hands.

“Furnace.”

Heat. Burning. Not from fire, but from the look in someone’s eyes just before they died. Eyes that always came back to him in his sleep.

“Nine.”

His breathing picked up. The air around him felt thinner now, like it was being sucked from the space between his ribs.

“Benign.”

His jaw clenched so hard it ached.

“Homecoming.”

He was trembling now, just slightly. He could see his victims faces blurred but unmistakably real, flashing through his mind like a slide projector of his sins.

“One.”

A tight gasp escaped him. The weight of the past was suffocating. Still, he stayed. Still, he fought.

“Freight Car.”

He saw it. He heard it. The grinding of metal, the roar of the train, the voice of Zola echoing down sterile corridors. He wanted to scream. To run. But instead he sat there, fists clenched, shoulders locked, trying to remember who he was now. Then suddenly it all stopped. Ayo’s voice was softer now, almost a whisper. “You are free.” The words lingered in the silence that followed. Bucky didn’t move. Not at first.

His body felt like it had been hollowed out, like every word had scraped something out of him and left it bleeding beneath the surface. He stared down at his hand still clenched, still trembling, and slowly, he forced them open. There were crescent-shaped indentations in his palms where his nails had bitten into skin. His right hand throbbed with a dull, grounding ache. He didn’t feel free. Not really. But he hadn’t answered the words. He hadn’t become the Winter Soldier.

And for today, that was enough.

A hollow chuckle escaped before he could stop it, rough and unexpected. His eyes remained shut, the breath he exhaled trembling as it left him. The relief of not breaking. He sat unmoving on the mat, head bowed, letting the silence press in around him like a weighted blanket. Not heavy, just grounding. At some point, the sky had darkened, stars blinked into life overhead, soft and indifferent, casting faint silver light across the earth. And then, crunch. The sound was quiet, but sharp.

His eyes opened, slow and instinctual, every muscle tensing for just a beat before recognizing the rhythm of the footsteps. He knew it like he knew his own heartbeat. You. He didn’t turn immediately. He didn’t need to. Your presence filled the space before you even reached him. It was in the way the wind shifted, the way the tension in his shoulders softened, just slightly. You always found him, somehow, in the aftermath. “You weren’t supposed to follow me.” He murmured, voice hoarse and quiet.

“I didn’t,” You replied softly. “Technically I waited. Like you asked.” Another step. And then another. He finally looked over his shoulder. You stood a few feet away, arms loosely crossed, your expression unreadable in the dim starlight. After a beat of silence, you called out his name softly, your heart aching upon seeing his red-rimmed eyes. "Sweetheart?" The pet name escaped your lips before you could stop it. "Are you okay?" You asked, the words barely above a whisper. You weren’t sure if you wanted an answer. You just needed him to know someone was here.

"They did it." He breathed out, voice cracking under the weight of the words. “Ayo… she said the words. All of them. And they didn’t work.” The disbelief in his voice was tangible almost as if he was still trying to convince himself it was real. That he was finally free. Before he could say anything else, you closed the last of the distance. Your arms wrapped around him, slow and steady, pulling him into a gentle yet full-bodied embrace. You felt the rigid tension in his muscles at first, the hesitation conditioned into him by years of touch meaning pain, or command, or loss.

But then, almost imperceptibly, he let go. His body melted into yours like snow against warm skin. You felt it in the way his flesh arm eventually came around you, the way his forehead pressed gently to your shoulder, the way his breathing grew slower, less like a man preparing to fight and more like someone remembering how to rest. It was the first time you’d held him like this. You were always careful. Always waiting for him to guide the pace. And yet now, as his frame curled slightly inward, pressing against yours with something close to desperation, you realized he needed this more than he’d ever said.

More than he knew. Your hand absentmindedly found the back of his head, fingers threading through his hair with soft, grounding strokes. “I’m proud of you, Bucky,” You whispered into the space between you. “So proud.” He didn’t speak, not at first. But you felt the way he held on tighter. How his fingers curled into the fabric of your shirt like he was afraid you might vanish if he let go. “I was so scared, doll, scared it would still be there, that I’d never really get out of my head.”

He finally murmured against your shoulder. “You’re here. You’re free.” Something in him crumbled then, and he leaned into your touch like it was the only thing grounding him. Your foreheads met, breath mingling. In that fragile space between heartache and comfort, between memory and healing, Bucky let himself be held. Let himself be seen. And for the first time in longer than he could remember, he finally felt safe. That's when it hit him.

You were there in Germany, when the world had turned against him, branding him a monster instead of an innocent man who was framed. While others hunted him, you’d risked everything to keep him safe, even your already crumbling relationship with your father. You had been there from the beginning, long before most dared to trust him. Long before you knew his side of the story. Then, in Wakanda. You were there the moment he’d opened his eyes in cryo, shivering and disoriented.

You’d held his gaze then, steady and calm, anchoring him when everything else seemed to be spinning. You didn’t just see him, you saw through him. Past the programming. Past the years of silence and pain. Past the blood on his hands. You saw the man who was trying, really trying to put the shattered pieces back together. And somehow, impossibly, that had been enough for you. That’s when the realization took root in his chest, slow and undeniable. James Buchanan Barnes had fallen in love with Y/N Stark.

All those emotions, although true were completely overwhelming. He blinked hard, trying to hold the sting behind his eyes, his jaw tightening with the effort of holding everything in. His heart thundered in his chest, uneven and raw, like it didn’t know whether to burst or break. And somewhere in the middle of it all, you were still there beside him, grounding him, completely unaware of the way his world had just subconsciously tilted irrevocably toward you.

Before he could overthink, before the spiral of doubt and self-loathing could creep back in something shifted inside him. For the first time in years, maybe longer, he felt like himself. Not a weapon. Not a mission. Just Bucky, a man who was finally feeling something he wanted to reach for instead of run from. So he did. Tentatively, he leaned forward. There was a beat of stillness between you as his nose brushed yours, the softest collision of skin and breath.

His eyes fluttered shut, eyelashes brushing against his cheeks. He didn’t rush it. And then he tentatively closed the space. His lips met yours in a slow, aching kiss, almost as if he was afraid he might break the moment by wanting it too much. It wasn’t demanding, it was careful. Gentle. The way a starving man might savor his first taste of something warm and real. But almost instantly, he knew something was wrong. You hadn’t moved. Your lips hadn’t pressed back. You were still. Completely still.

It took only a second, maybe less for the realization to hit him. But that second stretched into eternity in his mind, echoing louder than any trigger word ever had. It was like a bucket of ice water had been poured over his entire body. Cold. Jarring. Shattering. He recoiled, quick, sharp, breath hitching like he’d been physically struck. His eyes flew open, panic lancing through his chest, and he pulled away so fast it was almost as if you had burned him. “I—” He stammered, voice ragged, shame already flooding every inch of him.

His hand hovered in the space between you, unsure of where to go, what to do, trembling with restraint. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have—God, I shouldn’t have done that.” His chest was heaving now, breath caught in the wreckage of the moment, and all at once he felt stupid. Reckless. Wrong. Of course you hadn’t kissed him back. Why would you? His mind spiraled, too fast, too loud. All the moments he thought meant something. All the times you’d held him, comforted him, looked at him like he was worth saving, he’d misunderstood it.

He’d twisted it into something else. Something selfish. He stepped back, shaking his head, jaw clenched tight enough to ache. “Forget it. That was—just forget it.” He shook his head, eyes screwed shut, in that moment he couldn’t bear to face you. His heart couldn’t take the look of disgust that probably decorated your face. "Bucky-" You called out, trying to reach him but he was already too far gone. "I have to go." With those last words, he was gone before you could even begin to process what had just happened.

TWO DAYS LATER ...

It was safe to say Bucky was avoiding you. The realization settled in like a weight you couldn’t shake, heavy and inescapable. Ever since that night, when he had kissed you, just hours after being freed from Hydra’s grip he had all but vanished. Not physically, of course. He was still in Wakanda, but the Bucky you knew, the one who used to sit beside you in quiet companionship, sharing soft glances and unspoken comfort, was suddenly nowhere to be found.

Gone were the moments of calm intimacy: the gentle brush of his arm against yours during late dinners, the shared warmth of a sun-drenched afternoon, the way he used to drift into your presence like it was the most natural thing in the world. Now, there was only absence. A deliberate, aching distance. You absolutely hated it. Every time you searched for him, he seemed to already know, simply vanishing into thin air.

The shift between you hadn’t gone unnoticed. Shuri had stopped cracking her usual teasing jokes about the two of you. Ayo had given you a knowing glance but said nothing. Even Okoye, normally composed and unreadable, had furrowed her brow when she saw you sitting alone at breakfast, eyes fixed on your untouched food. The absence of the super soldier at your side spoke louder than any words.

You wanted to confront him, you ached to, but something in your gut told you that forcing the moment would only push him deeper into that place he retreated to when things got too real. You could feel his panic like a ripple in the air, his instincts warring between fight and flight, except the scale had tipped hard toward the latter. And so, you waited. Not because you were patient, but because you were scared, too scared that if you pushed, he’d run so far, and you’d never find him again. Because it wasn’t rejection you’d felt that night. It was shock.

Overwhelming, bone-deep shock. You hadn’t expected him to kiss you, not when he was so careful with his space, his emotions, you. And your stillness hadn’t been hesitation, it had been disbelief that he wanted you the way you’d wanted him all along. You didn’t know when, but your feelings had suddenly grown past platonic and protective, you had probably just been stuck in your own head to notice he felt the exact same way. But that night, you hadn’t had a chance to explain. And now he was gone.

And it hurt. More than you cared to admit. Which is how you found yourself on the edge of the same clearing where it had all happened. The mat beneath the tree was gone, rolled up and stored away. But the ghosts of that night still lingered in the air like smoke. You didn’t know if he’d come back here. But something in you hoped he would. Needed him to. So you did the one thing you absolutely dreaded. You waited. Only for him, you’d happily wait an eternity.

After the hour mark, you had been moments away from calling it a day, ready to respect his space, as painful as that was. But something about the Wakandan night sky made you linger. Above you stretched an endless tapestry of stars, glimmering and undisturbed by the weight of the world. Constellations you had only seen in books revealed themselves here with ease, unobscured by the dull gray haze that choked the New York skyline. It was peaceful, achingly beautiful, and so unlike the chaos you both came from.

You were still lost in the sky when you felt it—him. That subtle shift in the air. The quiet way he always moved, like he didn’t want to take up space. You didn’t need to look behind you to know it was Bucky. After a silence that stretched too long, you found your voice. “You know you can’t keep avoiding me,” You whispered quietly, arms crossing over your chest in a futile attempt to steady yourself. “Like you said… I’m stubborn.”Your voice was soft, but it cut through the dark like a beacon, a small light in the storm you both were caught in.

“It was getting late,” He muttered, finally breaking the silence. “You hadn’t come back.” The admission struck something in you. He’d noticed, of course he had. You swallowed, your fingers instinctively reaching for the arc reactor pendant that hung around your neck. Another nervous habit. You turned slowly, cautiously. And there he was. He looked… wrecked. The kind of tired that sleep didn’t fix. Shadows clung beneath his eyes, like he hadn’t rested in days. You wanted nothing more than to run to him, to fall into his arms and wrap yourself around him.

But you didn’t. Not yet. Instead, you said the only thing that had been echoing in your mind since that night. “You left.” Two words. A truth so sharp it made him flinch, like they’d cut through skin and bone. His jaw clenched. You could see the shame behind his eyes even before he looked down. You swallowed the lump in your throat, trying to hold yourself together. “You left before I could kiss you back.” Your voice cracked at the end, raw and honest. The silence that followed was deafening. You watched the way his face twisted, surprise, disbelief, fear.

He opened his mouth as if to speak, but the words caught somewhere between his ribs. “You—” He began, then faltered. “Yes, Bucky,” You insisted softly, but firmly. “I feel the exact same way you do. These past couple of years with you… they’ve been the happiest I’ve felt in a long time. I didn’t think I was capable of feeling something this strong after everything, I’ve been through. But you changed that.” Your voice trembled, but you pressed on. “You make me better. You see parts of me no one else does and you never flinch. You challenge me. You stand toe-to-toe with my stubbornness, and I love that about you.”

Bucky stood frozen. Like if he moved, the moment would vanish. “That night you walked away,” You continued, your eyes stinging, “It broke my heart. Because I saw it in your face, the belief that you don’t deserve anything good. That you’ll always be the broken man Hydra made you into. But I see you, Bucky. Not the Winter Soldier. Not the asset. Not the man you were from the 40s. You.” A tear slipped down your cheek before you even realized you were crying.

“I’m not leaving you when it gets hard,” You whispered. “I’m not going anywhere. And… I think, no, I know I’m falling in love with you.” The words settled between you like something sacred. Like something fragile, yet desperately needed. He stared at you, lips parted, shoulders stiff with disbelief. Then he spoke, and his voice nearly shattered you. “Why would you want me?” He asked, brokenly. “After everything I’ve done. I hurt people, Y/N. Your own family. How can you even so much as look at me after that?”

You took a step closer, but he backed away like he didn’t trust himself not to fall apart if you touched him. “I’m a monster,” He whimpered. “There’s blood on my hands. You’ve seen it. You’ve seen me. You should hate me, not want me.” His voice cracked under the weight of guilt, his spiraling thoughts speeding toward a cliff. You could see it happening, his breath quickening, his body trembling like he was ready to flee again. He was unraveling right in front of you.

So you did the only thing you could think of. You closed the distance and touched him. Your hand slid gently up to cup his cheek. You felt him stiffen beneath your fingers, then go utterly still.“No,” You shook your head, voice shaking. “You are not a monster. You’re a man who’s been used, hurt, and manipulated, but you’re not beyond love or broken. You never were. I see every scar, every crack, and guess what, I’d still choose you.”

His eyes burned with something you couldn’t name, grief, love, longing and they filled with tears he didn’t try to hide. And when he finally leaned into your hand, exhaling like he hadn’t breathed in years, you knew. He was still afraid. But for the first time, he wasn’t running. This time it was you who surged forward before you could psych yourself out capturing his lips in a kiss. And this time, there was no hesitation. The kiss started soft, so soft, as though neither of you wanted to break the fragile thing blooming between you. But it didn’t stay that way for long.

Because the moment your lips truly met, something inside both of you snapped. Bucky let out a quiet, shattered sound against your mouth. Relief, disbelief, want, all of it tangled into that one breath. His hand, which was trembling slightly, framed your face with such gentleness. He held you like you were something precious, something breakable. Something his. You moved into him with equal urgency, fingers curling into the hair on the back of his neck, pulling him closer like proximity alone could make up for lost time.

The kiss deepened, slow but aching, like you were both pouring every unsaid word, every missed opportunity, every silent prayer into it. He tasted faintly of mint and something distinctly him, and it made your knees weak. There was something raw in the way he kissed you, like he was still afraid he might wake up and find it was all just another dream. But when you made a soft noise, a whimper caught between vulnerability and longing, he responded instinctively pressing in, molding his body to yours, thumb brushing your cheek like he couldn’t believe you were real.

And God, the way he kissed. Not polished or practiced, it was raw and honest. Every single movement told a story. Of cold Wakandan mornings. Of lonely nights. Of watching you from across rooms and never daring to hope. Until now. When you finally broke apart, it wasn’t because you wanted to. It was because you had to breathe because unlike him, there was no serum running through your veins.

Foreheads resting together, your breaths mingled, fast, shallow, heavy with emotion. Bucky’s eyes were still closed, as if he couldn’t quite bring himself to look at you yet. Or maybe he didn’t want the moment to end. “Fuck doll, I’ve wanted to do that for so long.” He whispered, voice wrecked. You let out a breathless laugh, forehead bumping lightly against his. “You’re not the only one.” He opened his eyes then, blue and unguarded, the way he looked at you made your heart ache in the most beautiful way.

Almost as if he was seeing light for the first time after years in the dark. “I thought I lost you that night,” He confessed. “I thought I had ruined everything. I was so afraid I’d lost the one person who truly understood me.” You shook your head, not trusting your voice for a moment, then reached for him, pulling him into your arms like he was something sacred you were terrified to let go of. You clutched at the fabric of his shirt, grounding yourself in his presence, in the way he trembled just slightly beneath your touch.

“You didn’t,” You breathed against his shoulder. “You couldn’t. You mean too much to me.” You tilted your head back just enough to meet his eyes again, brushing your thumb along the edge of his jaw, where stubble met skin. He closed his eyes at the contact, leaning into your hand like a man starved for affection, for something real. And maybe he was. Maybe this was the first warmth he’d allowed himself to feel in months, maybe even years. A soft smile tugged at his lips, tender, vulnerable.

The kind of smile that told you he was starting to believe it. Starting to believe you. “Just promise me one thing,” You whispered, your grip tightening slightly as if he might slip away again if you didn’t hold on just a little harder. He didn’t hesitate. “Anything, doll.” You could feel the sincerity in his voice, the way his body instinctively pressed closer to yours like he needed the contact to stay grounded.

“No more running,” You murmured, forehead resting against his. “These last two days were absolute torture without you.” He let out a low breath, something between a sigh and a laugh, and leaned down to press a soft, chaste kiss to your lips. His mouth lingered, not out of passion, but like he was still in awe that you were here. That you wanted him. “You love me that much, huh?” He teased gently, pulling back just enough to smirk at you with that crooked, boyish grin that still managed to undo you.

You rolled your eyes, but the laugh that slipped from you was warm and breathless, bubbling straight from your chest before you could stop it. The sound mingled with the soft night air, light and unguarded, as if it had been waiting for this moment to be released. Even as you laughed, your heart thundered wildly against your ribcage, each beat a desperate reminder of just how much you felt for the man in front of you. “Don’t make me take it back, James,” You scoffed, playfully smacking his chest.

Your palm met solid muscle, familiar and grounding, but there was no resistance. No armor. Just warmth. He smiled at the sound of his full name on your lips, soft and reverent, like it meant more to him than you could possibly know. His arm curled tighter around your waist, fingers pressing gently into your back, like he was anchoring himself there, holding on not just to your body, but to the belief that this was real. That he could have something good. “Not a chance, sweetheart,” He murmured, voice roughened by emotion as he dipped his head and buried his face in the crook of your neck.

His breath was warm against your skin, and his words, “Now that I know what it’s like to hold onto you like this, I’m never letting go.” Were muffled but pierced straight through you. You felt him exhale, like he’d been holding in something heavy for days. Maybe years. “I love you too much to be away from you that long again.” He added, almost like a vow whispered only for you to hear. And this time, you believed him. The old Bucky, the one who disappeared when the world pressed too close, who had only known how to run or fight, was gone.

The man holding you now wasn’t a weapon or a ghost. He wasn’t some broken shard of who he used to be. He was present. Real. And finally, finally choosing you. You leaned back just enough to look at him. His eyes were wide open and locked on yours, crinkled at the corners from the smile spreading across his face. You didn’t even realize you were matching it until your cheeks started to hurt. You both leaned in again at the same time, instinctively, magnetized by something more than gravity.

Your foreheads brushed first, then your noses, the air between you soft and charged. The kiss that followed wasn’t rushed or desperate, it was slow, certain, like a promise sealed between two people who had spent far too long denying themselves this happiness. And for the first time, you weren’t kissing a man lost in his past. Because the man in your arms wasn’t the Winter Soldier. He was James Bucky Barnes. And for the first time, he wasn’t running. He was home. And he was choosing to stay.

Thanks for reading! likes, reblogs, and comments are always appreciated! Feeling generous? Leave a tip!

[princeguri66]

Leave a mark

MINORS DNI

Monster!John "Soap" Mactavish (with Poly Monster!141 at the end) x Male Reader

Cw: it starts off with Soap but the rest r mentioned and written but not as much as soap, marking with markers, nothing else I believe lmk

Silly thought but like imagine a monster reader who has crazy fast regeneration. Like deep cuts heal in seconds. Maybe you're a ghoul who just has crazy regen, or something like that.

Anyways,

Wouldn't a relationship between Soap, who loves leaving bites and see the aftermath due to his instincts as a werewolf and you who literally heals in seconds be interesting?

He loves getting fucked by you, but everytime he leaves a bit unsatisfied. It's not because you can't make him cum or anything, hell you can pull multiple orgasms from the guy and you have.

It's just that he can't leave satisfied knowing that he left a mark on you. He has bit you so much but the marks just won't stay. With the other members he can clearly see the marks he left on their neck and shoulders, even with Price who due to his dragon blood heals faster but the marks still stay for a day or two.

So everytime you two fuck, even if his ass if filled to the brim and his balls are empty he still whines because he can't leave his mark on you. You're a member of the 141, his pack, so it pains him that he can't put a claim on you like he has with the others.

So one day you get a bit creative.

One night in your room where he's riding on your cock, bouncing up and down while you lay your back on the bed, your hands gripping his hips and slamming him down on you as you cum. He leans down and bites as hard as he can on you as the feeling of you filling him up makes him cum. Pulling away and only being able to whine because he can't even admire his mark before it fades away.

"Aw, is puppy unsatisfied?" You tease and chuckle. And before he could insist that he was, you reached to the bedside table and picked up a red permanent marker, "why don't you mark me with this instead?" You say handing him the marker.

He huffs out a laugh at your little solution, but it's the best you got since you can't really make yourself regenerate slower. So he indulges, testing the marker on the back of your hand, the ink incredibly opaque so it stands out against your skin. Then he draws a bite mark at your neck then adds "Soap's Claim" in big letters, covering the whole left side of your neck.

He leans back, the bright red against your skin and the obvious letters, he finally sighs a sigh of relief.

It doesn't go unnoticed as well (just how he likes it)

The other members of the task force noticing Soap's eyes seem a bit brighter and his tail has been swaying peacefully the whole day. And that's where you enter, neck bare for everyone to see (it's the least you can do) Soap grins, happy to finally be able to show off his claim on you.

And now they want to have their names on your body too.

It's all color coordinated too now, Price who loves to write across your shoulder blades, with words like "Price's hoard" or just a simple "Price" with a heart next to it, it's simple but huge.

Gaz with a bright blue marker who likes to do it on your lower back (because he can also rest his head on your ass) writing something like "Gaz was here" and likes to draw wings on you. (Wing themed tramp stamp with 141 between the wings anyone?)

And Ghost with either white or black who loves to mark your chest, either a simple "ghost" or "Simon Riley" on each pec. Also likes to draw a ghost doodle on top of your heart.

And if you five fuck together, you aren't the only one who ends up having ink on you, but you'd have the most. And when you wake up to find a big arrow pointing to your dick and ass that says "Property of 141" written in multiple colors, you'd wish you could show it off.

[tsukii0002]

That Mc and Lucifer did What?

Mc has returned to the human world, everyone's spirits are down, Devildom is duller, sadder and this is directly reflected in the student council. Especially for the seven demons who shared housing with Mc for a year. What no one knows is what happened the last night Mc was in the Devildom.

Extension: 2k words

Warning: Possible grammatical and spelling errors. This is a fic with comic and fluff overtones, not romantic or explicit content as such.

It had been a couple of weeks since the exchange program ended and Mc and the other exchange students returned to their respective realms. And oddly enough, most students had noticed, especially since the student body wasn't the same since the little human left. Mammon no longer looks for business to cash out, Asmo wasn't partying or even uploading photos!!! Satan remains eerily quiet always with a dull look on his face…. Even the prince seemed less lively.

But undoubtedly those who had noticed Mc's absence the most were the seven brothers. The person who had made the House of Lamentations a home, a warm place full of laughter and activity, had left and the six youngest ones seemed like souls in pain. What no one expected was that the eldest of the brothers, Lucifer, also missed the human terribly, their signs of affection, their laughter and their courage to scold him, Lucifer himself.

Throughout that year he had become deeply attached to the human and had wished to become intimate in their relationship to the point of making a pact with them. The last night Mc and Lucifer had made a pact, they had formed a bond that united them beyond the physical, just as his brothers, he had taken the small and “weak” human as his master. Although of course, he would never admit that, and he was not willing to tell it to the world. No one, not even Diavolo, knew that the two had a pact.

That morning, as was becoming customary, the six demons were lying at the student council table, depleted of energy. Lucifer sighed at the attitude of his brothers, but he could not blame them. Diavolo entered, waving, accompanied by Barbatos as usual, however, a second person was following them that morning.

Asmo: Solomon? What are you doing here??

Solomon: I am glad to see you.

Lucifer was looking at the documents distractedly, Solomon was not of special interest to him and he was not going to try to hide it. Diavolo and Barbatos took their respective places and everyone joined in, because, if Solomon was there, was there any chance of seeing Mc soon?

Diavolo: Solomon has come to deliver a list of the new pacts that the Sorcerer's society has made with some demon in the last year.

Satan: Is there a record of that?

Solomon: Yes, at least from the society, we have to keep a record so things don't get out of control.

Diavolo: We can also check if any demons have gone to the human world without permission.

Levi: Lol, nothing escapes the prince of hell.

Asmo: *glancing at Solomon's list* Doesn't that mean we should be on this list too?

Lucifer looked up at his brother's words, frowning, it was true that in recent times records were made of the pacts demons made with humans, but Diavolo had never asked any of his brothers. Mammon joined Asmo, followed by a curious Satan.

Mammon: Ha, there is no pact as incredible as the one of the great Mammon and Mc.

Satan: Don't talk like you're the only one.

Belphie: *joining his brothers* That's right, Mc has a pact with six of us.

Solomon: Ha, ha I still don't quite believe that a human like Mc has accomplished such a feat.

Lucifer could notice a trace of envy in the annoyed sorcerer's words, and a proud smile came across his face.

Beel: So, should we register our pacts as well?

Diavolo: Mmm, I hadn't thought of that, I think the simple fact that six of the lords of hell have made a pact is enough of a record.

Barbatos: I agree.

Solomon laughed, though he clearly looked pissed, Lucifer held back a chuckle.

Belphie: What do you have to do to make a record?

Diavolo: Well it's an official document, so it has several formalities like the terms of the contract.

Solomon: And the reasons why the demon has agreed to make the pact.

Levi: Only the demon? What about the human?

Solomon: Well the price to be paid by the human is usually recorded, but the reasons for making the pact of the demons are more taken into account, since they are the one who is left in a more burnerable position.

Diavolo: Exactly, usually the demons make a pact for power, because they will receive an extraordinary compensation or sometimes, in an extraordinary way, *looking at the brothers* because said human has something that impresses the demon significantly.

Solomon: Like Barbatos with me.

Barbatos: Fu, fu, I guess, although most of your pacts are either for the purpose of gaining power or to get a piece of your soul.

The brothers looked at each other, it was clear why they had made a pact or at least was clear now, sometimes they wondered if someone else had taken Mc's place, would they have done the same?

Satan: And what do you do with the registry?

Solomon: Basically you classify the pacts, depending on the power involved.

Levi: Power? As the characters of a video game?

Solomon: Yes, it depends on the power of the human and the demon, a human with little magical power, even if he has a pact with a moderately powerful demon, will not be very high in the ranking.

Satan: So the ranking depends on the combination… interesting.

Solomon: That's it, although it also depends on the demon, if they are important demons, the ranking would go up.

Diavolo: For example, your pacts would be at the top, just because you are you.

Mammon: Ha, no one could surpass us.

Asmo: As expected *happy*

Solomon: Ha, ha, ha, exactly because if we were talking about power, your pacts would be at the bottom, since Mc has no magic power.

The brothers looked at Solomon sharply, the sorcerer raised his hands in innocence, laughing. Diavolo looked pleased, took the list and glanced at it.

Diavolo: Thank you for taking the trouble to bring them here, Solomon.

Solomon: No problem.

Diavolo: No doubt Mc has surpassed everything imaginable, they are a human full of surprises, they will go down in history for that, but it is true that they are not a powerful sorcerer, it would not make sense to keep a record to monitor the use of their pacts.

Mammon and Asmo, looked at each other annoyed, no one messed with their human, the others looked at them sideways, complicit. Satan took a couple of blank sheets of paper, Belphie and Beel sat next to him, while he started to write and Levi began to speak.

Levi: Well we begin the record of the pacts of Mc the human!!, the one and only incredible human who has achieved the feat of forging pacts with the lords of hell.

Diavolo laughed loudly, clearly delighted with the situation, Solomon and Barbatos too, they were fascinated by the affection those demons had for the Mc, and how they defended them from any kind of attack, harmless or not, as long as they interpreted it as a threat or disrespect to Mc, the brothers would strike back.

Satan: Uniting their soul in a firm and lasting bond to the soul of the demon due to the virtues that have attracted said demon, starting with...

Copying the whole formal part of one of the records the brothers began to enunciate their reasons for making a pact with Mc.

Mammon: The great Mammon the Avatar of Greed!!! Their first, by the cunning and serenity of knowing how to use the weaknesses of their enemies.

Levi: Uooh! *motivated* followed by Leviathan Avatar of Envy, for the bravery to face any battle even if they have to lose, and the pure heart to be friends with their enemies.

The six brothers seemed suddenly animated, Diavolo approached them, enjoying it too much, Solomon also sat nearby, he knew that many epic stories had emerged that way, magnifying an event that had been much simpler.

Beel: I'm next, Beelzebuh Avatar of Gluttony, *grinning like a puppy* for their strength and conviction to protect the people they love.

Okay, that was heartwarming, everyone felt their heart skip a beat.

Asmo: Me, me!!, Asmodeus Avatar of Lust, for their hidden power and determination to get what they want.

Satan: Followed by Satan Avatar of Warth *smile*, for their wisdom and cunning when facing problems and difficulties, and their ability to seek solutions to any problem

Lucifer smiled, they were blowing things way out of proportion, making great epics out of situations that had been simple, even comical in some cases. He had stopped reading documents long ago, though he kept looking at the papers, all his attention was on his siblings.

Belphie: And finally, Belphegor Avatar of Sloth, for their steadfastness to follow what their heart dictates and the kindness to forgive all those who hurt them.

Everyone fell silent. Somehow, almost everyone present had threatened or even tried to murder Mc, they had undervalued them, they had thought their opinion or whatever they thought weighed less, Diavolo looked at the paper, even he had not taken them seriously for being an ordinary human, Solomon put his hand to his chin.

Barbatos: I think it's a lovely record, full of everyone's feelings.

Solomon: No doubt, no one could have come up with something like it.

Lucifer looked at the words of the documents, Mc had achieved much more than making pacts with his brothers, they had done much more than achieve something that not even the most powerful sorcerer had achieved. Mc had healed his family, they had fixed what they in millennia had not dared to fix, they had accepted each of them with their wounds and their bad things, which were not few, and they had loved them unconditionally. He knew it, they owed Mc much, he much more. He smiled, he could write and write everything he felt for Mc, everything he admired about them, everything they had meant in his life, but it wasn't necessary.

Lucifer: And do not forget, Lucifer Avatar of Pride, for repairing and uniting what no one could.

Absolute silence.

WHAAAAAAAAAAT????!!!!!!

Lucifer covered his ears, suddenly everyone had swarmed to his side, firing all sorts of questions at him. His brothers looked upset, even offended, on the other hand Diavolo was smiling from ear to ear, although there was a slight hint of jealousy in his eyes, and Barbatos was watching the scene genuinely surprised. The funniest thing of all was to see Solomon with his mouth open, and that indescribable expression. Mc had done it, they had done what no wizard, witch or human of any kind had ever accomplished, they had made a pact with Lucifer Morningstar, and not only that, they had completed the task of making a pact with the seven brothers, the seven lords of hell.

Mammon: What do you mean Lucifer? ????!

Levi: Are you an idiot, Mammon? Well you are... not fair Lucifer...

Asmo: Kyaaaa how??!! How did you form a pact??

Beel: He, he, so Lucifer too.

Belphie: When?! I'm sure Mc would have told us!

Satan: And why did you keep it so hidden??

Solomon still hadn't recovered, he put a hand to his head with a half smile, Diavolo was next to him with a similar expression.

Diavolo: I never thought this day would come.

Lucifer felt his chest swell with pride, he really felt his sin in all its splendor. Despite this he tried to look disinterested, returning to his documents.

Lucifer: Well it was the last night.

Belphie: That's why Mc didn't come back??! Because they were making a pact with you???!

Lucifer: Oh *grinning mischievously* we did a lot more than just that.

All: !!!

While all the brothers, Diavolo and Solomon included, began to make a fuss, looking for answers, Lucifer laughed with pleasure, no doubt if there was some kind of competition to measure the pacts with Mc, he had won it. Barbatos, recovered from the surprise, laughed too, it was not unusual to see the brothers so upset but it was certainly gratifying to see the sorcerer like that. A beep made him look at his cell phone, he had sent a message to a certain Lucifer obsessed archangel.

“That Mc and Lucifer did what?”

.

.

It's one of the scenarios I've given the most thought to since I played the first and second seasons four years ago. How everyone found out about Mc and Lucifer's pact. Honestly I have many different situations for this scenario, but this one has been chosen to share with you😂😂😂😂. In the future I might write the other scenarios, going for more spicy content or more angs, etc. Who knows.

Still I hope that if you have made it this far you have enjoyed it, thanks for reading. 🩷

.

.

[eighthchair]

Bracelets, a Fields of Mistria Fanfic

March x Gender Neutral Farmer

Based on this bit of dialogue

Gods, this is so fucking stupid.

March stood on the first step of the farmers house fidgeting with the small box he held in his hands. In all honesty, he doesn’t full know why he’s here in the first place.

Well, he knows why he’s here, he just doesn’t know why he chose to do this specifically. He doesn’t know why he chose to make something for them of all people.

From the very moment that overly-cheerful, disgustingly optimistic…

pretty, confident, hardworking—

… pain in his ass farmer moved to Mistria, they have gotten on his last nerve.

They never know when to quit. Almost everyday without fail, the farmer would bother him. Stopping by the shop to say hi or using his forge to make bars and armor, it was infuriating. The days that they left him alone were…

Lonely, empty, unsettling—

… a blessing.

And then once they started venturing into the mines, the gifting started. It was only a few nice pieces of ore here and there, which he appreciated. But then it turned into whole ingots at least once a week. They even found him a piece of Meteorite for him to experiment with! Honestly, if that brain dead idiot thought that they could win him over with shiny pieces of metal, they’re stupider than he thought.

But then...

“March!” The farmer came barreling into his workshop, covered in dirt and debris, “March, you’ll never believe what I found!”

March stood from his workbench and rolled his eyes, before turning around and stretching a bit, “Can’t you see I’m busy Farmer? What could be so important?”

The farmer deflated a bit and pouted, “Come on, it’s really cool! I think you’re going to love it.”

March just scoffed, “If it’s another ingot you smithed up, I can make some that are ten times better ya know.”

They shook their head and approached him, “It’s better than anything I could have done, that’s for sure, but I found it just now in the mines.”

“Yeah, I can tell,” March said, looking up and down at their dirtied figure, “Would it kill you to wash up before coming in here, you’re trailing in dirt.”

“Sorry, I just couldn’t wait to show you!” Their hands were still behind their back, clearly hiding whatever it was they wanted to give him this time.

“Well then stop wasting time and show me!”

Their smile got impossibly larger as they brought their hands to the front of them. The item was still a bit dusty from being excavated, but the shine and luster of it was undeniable.

“No way,” March’s jaw dropped, “Is that—”

“A perfect copper ore!” The farmer exclaimed, jumping up and down in excitement, “I didn’t even know ore could be so perfect, but just look at it!”

March grabbed the ore from the farmers hand and studied it closely, the structure of it is almost crystalline and it’s denser than any piece of copper he’s ever held before, plus if he shines it up a bit, he can almost see his own shocked expression looking back at him.

“Incredible,” he whispered to himself, still staring at the chuck of metal in awe.

“Isn’t it?” The farmers voice broke him out of his reverie, “I thought you’d really appreciate having something as nice as this.”

March’s head snapped up to look at the farmer, their face sporting a small smile while they watched him admire the ore.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, I found two today and the first one went to the museum and I don’t have any idea what to do with this one so…”

“You can’t be serious.”

The farmer tilted their head in confusion, “Why not?”

March sputtered and pushed the ore back into their hands, “What do you mean ‘why not?’ This is much too nice to just give away!”

“Well it’s not like I’m just going to put it in my shipping bin and let Balor sell it to whoever will pay the highest price for it. Plus, you’d be able to do much more with it than any other blacksmith that could buy it.”

“But—”

The farmer placed the ore on his workbench, “No buts, it’s yours now.”

He spent the next day staring at the metal and contemplating what to do with it.

I mean, with something so naturally perfect the possibilities were endless! He could forge a beautiful sword or a glistening shield to display in his workshop to show just how impressive his work is. He could make a new set of tools for Ryis that would last him forever. He could make Reina new cooking utensils to go with the newly renovated inn.

Or he could make something just for them.

It took days to get it just right, one just to sketch out and plan the design, another to make a few test pieces with other, more dull pieces of copper to ensure that everything went smoothly, and nearly three days were spent delicately curving and carving the metal into something beautiful and intricate.

March has no idea why he did it, but he did and now he’s standing on their front porch like a moron wondering if he’s made the right choice or if he should just run back to his workshop while he still can.

“March?”

A voice from behind him causes him to nearly jump out of his skin, he turned around slowly and came face to face with the person who’s been living in his head for the past few weeks.

“What are you doing here?” The farmer asked, their flannel tied around their waist instead of around their shoulders, their well defined figure on display, “I mean, I’m happy to see you of course, but I don’t think I’ve ever had you on my farm before.”

March coughed a bit, hoping that the blush he could feel creeping up his cheeks wasn’t noticeable, “No I’ve never been here before. I just…” His voice trailed off, what the hell was he supposed to say!

The farmer climbed the steps to stand next to him, “Well, do you want to come inside? It’s a bit warm out here, don’t you think?”

March just nodded, not completely trusting himself to speak, and the farmer waved at him to follow them in.

Their house was exactly what he expected it to be.

For such a small space, they sure did know how to make the most of it. Even with the bed, the couch, the kitchenette, a carpentry table, and more than a few chests, the house felt cozy and welcoming.

“Wow, you can really tell that you live here, Farmer.”

They just laughed while putting things from their backpack into their respective chests, “I’m going to take that as a compliment.”

March watched as they meticulously placed crafting materials, cooking ingredients, artifacts, and foraging items in specific places in each chest. Considering how incredibly busy they kept themself, it made sense that the root of that was a well organized storage system.

They finally finished their task and stood up straight to look at March once again, “Well, welcome to my home. It’s not much, but I’m working on it,” They laughed a bit and started walking towards their kitchenette, “Do you want a drink? I can put on a pot.”

“Oh, um, I’m not really a tea person.”

The farmer just smiled, “I know.”

Of course they knew.

“S-sure.”

The farmer gestured towards the couch, telling March to have a seat while they made refreshments.

The bright yellow couch was much comfier than March thought it would be and he found himself getting lost in thought again.

What the hell was he doing? All he came here to do was give the stupid farmer this stupid gift and leave without having to look at their stupid face for long, and now he’s sitting on their fucking couch. Maybe he should have just sent it in the mail.

The couch dipped next to him, alerting him to the farmers presence. They held out a mug for him to grab and he could smell the mixture of chocolate and coffee coming from it.

“Oh, you remembered.”

They laughed, “Of course I did, it’s not a hard thing to remember anyways.”

They both took a sip and March had to stop himself from groaning, it was delicious. How the fuck are they so good at everything?

“So, what brings you to my humble abode?”

Oh right their stupid gift.

March looked at them, their eyes peeking at him over their coffee mug, shining and curious.

“Well, um…”

Fuck this is harder than he thought it would be. His mouth opened and closed a few times while he tried to find the right words to say to them.

They waited patiently for him to gather his thoughts, sipping away at their drink.

March cleared his throat before he started talking, “Well, since you’ve moved to town you’ve been…”

A huge help to the community—

“… more competent than I expected you to be.”

They chucked a bit, “Thank you, that is certainly high praise coming from you.”

“Don’t let it go to your head, Farmer.”

The soft smile they gave him almost left him breathless.

“I wouldn’t dream of it.”

He shifted slightly away from them before continuing, “And, you’ve been, well… y’know… giving me gifts and shit so I wanted to…”

Give you something in return, to tell you how much I appreciate them, how much I appreciate you—

“… make sure you don’t think I owe you anything.”

“They're called gifts March, you’re not supposed to pay me back,” they said with an eyeroll.

He flushed a bit, “Whatever! Either way I don’t want to owe you shit so I made you something.”

March set his mug down on the coffee table, pulled the box out from behind his back and handed it to the farmer.

“What? You made me something? You didn’t have to do that,” The farmer gasped, taking the box from him tenderly.

“Well I did so, do whatever you want with it I don’t care.”

I hope you love them.

“Can I..” The farmer looked at him shyly, “Can I open it now?”

March scoffed, “If you must.”

The farmer set their own drink down and lifted the lid gingerly before pulling out a set of copper bracelets.

March could almost feel his soul leaving his body as he watched them examine the jewelry.

The first two were plain bands, perfectly shiny and glittering in the light. The next was one with rubies set into the metal. The fourth was a band carved to look like vines intersecting and intertwining with each other. The fifth was a delicate chain with four charms on it, a sickle, a hammer, an anvil, and a cow.

“Oh my gods…” the farmer whispered, their hands trembling slightly as they held the gift.

Shit they hate it.

March scrambled in his brain for something— anything— to say to get the bracelets back. It was a stupid idea anyways, of course they would hate it.

Before he could make a move to snatch them back, he was thrown back onto the arm of the couch as the farmer threw themselves at him and wrapped their arms around his neck.

March sat their frozen, his arms suspended in the air.

What the hell is happening?

He could feel their breath brushing against his neck as they whispered to him.

“They’re beautiful.”

It felt like a weight was lifted from his shoulders.

March let out a sigh of relief before letting his arms drop and wrap around the person in his arms.

“You really like them?”

“Are you kidding?” They pulled away from him to look him in the eyes, their own shimmering with unshed tears, “This is the best gift anyone has ever given me.”

They moved to sit up and wiped at their eyes, “I don’t even know what to say.”

March followed them in sitting up, letting his hands rest at their waist and a small smile to grace his features.

“Well, you could start with a thank you.”

The farmer laughed loudly, a huge grin on their face.

“Thank you March, so so much,” they said as they leaned over to rest their head in the crook of his neck.

March tilted his head to rest his cheek against theirs, “Of course.”

Beautiful creatures such as you deserve beautiful things.

[littlexdeaths]

eddie munson x plus size reader

warnings: angst, allusions to smut, major body insecurities, troubles orgasming due to said insecurities, eddie is so incredibly sweet, oral (fem receiving)

a/n: this started out as just a little angsty thing cause i was in my feelings, but it quickly spiraled into something more. while i feel a little nervous sharing it because it directly mirrors my own experience with intimacy issues and self esteem, i hope it can maybe help someone who has felt this same way <3

“— just stop, eds. it’s clearly not gonna happen.”

he can hear the disappointment in your voice as you tug his hand out of your panties. willing away the tears that threaten to spill past your lash line.

you swear something’s wrong with you.

he’s been at this for well over an hour, having to take multiple breaks from when his fingers started to cramp up. your clit feels almost raw, yet numb to the touch. the constant circles he was rubbing against it left you with nothing but discomfort.

“sweetheart—” he whispers, brushing your hair back from your face.

but you quickly bury your face into the pillow, the sheer humiliation makes you wish the ground would open up and swallow you whole. you already know what he’s going to say, he’s said it more times than you can count.

“save it, please. i don’t want your pity,” your words are slightly muffled, but he hears them loud and clear.

so he stays silent, keeping his chest pressed into your back. he rubs soothing circles over the curve of your hip while you soak his pillow with your tears. each silent shake of your shoulders twists the knife deeper into his gut.

why he hasn’t left is beyond you— anyone else would have.

not only is he stuck with a girlfriend who can’t take her clothes off in front of him, he’s stuck with one who can’t finish either. you can’t imagine how frustrating that must be.

“why are you even still here?” you sniffle, feeling his body stiffen behind you. “this can’t be fun for you.”

he doesn’t answer you, instead moving from his position behind you to roll you onto your back before he slots himself between your thick thighs. and even in the dark of his room you can see how your words have upset him.

“— i’m here because i love you.” he asserts, calloused fingers catching your chin to keep your gaze level with his. “i stay despite how much you continually try to push me away, because you’re everything to me.”

and he catches some more tears that trickle down your cheeks with his thumb. he unintentionally swipes them over your lips and they taste almost bitter on your tongue when you take a shuddering breath in.

“i just.. i feel like this is too good to be true— that you’re too good to be true.” you voice is barely above a whisper now, “that once you see everything… you’ll change your mind.”

his eyes slip shut and an almost painful look crosses over his features.

“baby,” he sighs, carefully taking your hand to guide it up his bare torso. you can feel the uneven flesh beneath your fingertips, a reminder that you almost lost him not so long ago. “you could grow a third head and sprout a tail and i would love you just the same.”

that image has you giggling softly, the sound causing his eyes to flutter back open. eddie grins down at you, bringing your hand up to press a gentle kiss to the back of it.

“there’s my girl,” he hums.

and despite the worry that still lingers in the back of your head, your body automatically reacts to his gentle words. you shift your hips beneath his own, now acutely aware of how uncomfortable the damp cotton feels against your skin.

eddie can see that spark of need return to your eyes, his head tilting down to nudge your nose with his own. he inhales your soft gasp when he carefully presses his hips down into yours.

“can i try something? if you don’t like it, i promise we can stop.”

he waits before making another move, lips hovering over yours until he hears your soft confirmation. then he starts to descend lower.

his lips press against the cotton of your sleep shirt, across the soft pudge of your belly. and you hold you breath when his fingers graze over the hem of it, slowly beginning to push it up your plush thighs.

“eddie i—”

he must hear the alarm in your voice as he stops, warm eyes gazing up at you from where he’s positioned between your legs.

“do you want me to stop?” he asks.

the small shake of your head encourages him to continue, pushing the shirt up only until he can see the outline of your panties.

“we’ll keep this on, okay?” he motions to your shirt.

“okay,” you breathe.

you feel your body is on fire, every nerve ending like a live wire. and you practically jolt when you feel his lips press against your damp underwear, his tongue licking a slow stripe between your clothed folds.

“oh,” you sigh and you can feel his deep chuckle rumble against your core.

so he does it again, enjoying the breathy whine that tumbles past your lips. eddie’s fingers slide up your thighs, sneaking underneath the elastic of your underwear as he continues his actions. going slow enough to get you used to the feeling, but firm enough so you feel each drag of his tongue.

after your first failed attempt from earlier you feel ravenous, now bucking your hips up against his mouth. and your boyfriend seems to get the hint.

“you want them off, sweetheart?”

and you nod almost frantically, any feelings of insecurity pushed to the wayside as your desire slams back into you at full force.

not needing to be told again, eddie carefully guides the fabric down your thighs. tossing them next to you on the bed before he coaxes your legs to rest on his shoulders. even in the dark he can see the curly hairs that cover your mound and the sticky strings of desire when he guides your folds apart with his fingers.

you hear a soft curse leave his mouth, his hair tickling your inner thighs when he leans down further to guide his tongue through your slick.

“so fuckin’ pretty, baby.” he coos.

you gasp aloud at the sensation when the muscle delves deeper, dipping inside your entrance before dragging more slick up to your sensitive nub.

everything feels more heightened like this— more intimate. and you swear you’re more in love with him now than you ever been.

so you let your body sink further into the mattress while he tastes you properly for the first time. his own hips rutting against the bed in tandem with each glide of his tongue. the noises he’s making are downright filthy, the vibrations only aiding in bringing you closer to that release.

it’s right within your grasp, all you have to do is reach out and take it.

the edges of your vision start to blur while your fingers card themselves through his curls to hold him in place. and that wave that’s been building up inside you finally crashes over the surface.

your shaky cry of his name has him moaning into you, his hips twitching as he spills into the fabric of his boxers. and he doesn’t mind when your trembling thighs tighten around his head, keeping him locked into place between your hips.

not that eddie would ever complain.

you finally release him when the feeling becomes too much, thighs settling onto the bed when you tug at his curls. he lifts his head then, eyes mirroring your half lidded gaze. his slick-smeared lips shine in the moonlight that streams through his bedroom window and you feel another rush of emotion flow through you.

“thank you,” you whisper, voice cracking.

he brings your knuckles back to his lips, pressing a wet kiss onto each one. satisfied with his work, eddie crawls back up your body, pressing tender kisses until he reaches your lips. you wrap your arms around his neck, tugging him even closer when your mouth do meet.

but that’s when you feel it. the warm, sticky mess that has soaked into his boxers and smeared across his hairy thighs.

“did you just— ?” you ask in almost disbelief, wide eyes meeting his own when he pulls back to give you a cheeky grin.

another gentle roll of his hips has you gasping aloud, the action pressing his mess further into your own as he chuckles deeply.

“damn right, i did.”

[pearlymel]

Make up— Alhaitham

*･゜ﾟSummery : Alhaitham chased after you because he refuses to leave unresolved issues between you, talking it out in his house can't be the worst idea, right?

Wc : 2.4k

Warning(s) : NSFW, fem!reader, exes to lovers, reader has committment issues, biting, unprotected sex, ōral (m! recieving), cūm swallowing, creampie, it's sweet and he's needy, petname mentioned (sweetheart).

Notes : someone get this man out of my head smh.

It was a cowardly act, really. How you ran away in the middle of breaking up with your boyfriend—well, ex boyfriend now. If he even got the message and was not left confused with a hurricane swirling his head with different emotions all at once.

You never wanted to break up with him in the first place, you were ignorant to his feelings. Overall sensitive to everything. You think the scribe deserves better than what you have to offer because you are afraid of commitment.

Alhaitham thinks he caught a glimpse of your face and figure among the crowd. And his body immediately goes on flight mode.

Eyes rapidly looking around the crowd, unable to focus on how busy it was today. He can't even remember why today has to be so busy out of all the days, then it clicked.

Sabzeruz festival was around the corner.

Alhaitham pushes past the people, his eyes searching around him for any sign of you at all, but he doesn’t see you. He starts moving a little faster, a little more impatiently.

“Move.” He nearly growls lowly when someone is in his way, pushing past them and looking around some more, ignoring the curses being thrown at the scribe.

Where are you, where are you?

There.

There you were. Standing next to one of the stalls to buy yourself a cold drink for this hot weather. Looking completely unbothered, yet he could clearly see how swollen your under eyes looked.

After a moment, he finally starts to approach you, his eyes fixated on you, unable to look away even for a second.

He stops next to you, standing right beside you and so incredibly close. He can smell the flowery scent of your perfume, and he’s so close he can practically touch you, but Alhaitham doesn’t dare to move.

You don't notice the man next you who's suspiciously close right away, but when you do turn your head to your side. A gasp leaves your lips and your drink instantly drops from your hand, his own hand acted on it's own, grabbing your wrist to pull you back. To prevent from the liquid to splash all over you.

"Careful." He gently scolds you, yet his hand is slightly shaking from feeling your skin against his. It was always comforting.

"Alhaitham?" He feels how your fingers tremble under his touch, and he feels how you look around, probably searching for a way to get away from him. Again.

“I just want to talk.” he states, his voice a soft, gentle tone that belies how he actually feels.

He’s itching to pin you against the nearest wall and tell you all the things he’s been thinking so hard about, but he controls himself.

"We already talked."

“You ran.” He replies back in disagreement, his voice a tone rougher than he intended it to be. He takes a deep breath before he continues, hoping you would notice the pain behind his words.

“We can’t keep going in circles like this, we need to talk this out properly.”

You only sigh back, your gaze shifting down to your feet. "We already broke up."

Oh he’s about to snap. He’s about to rip his goddamn hair out.

“We didn't break up.” He huffs out, and his tone is harsh and frustrated because he still refuses to believe that you don’t want him to be a part of your life anymore.

“You’re the one who ran away.”

"I get it, I'm a coward."

Archons, he hates the way you keep belittling and insulting yourself. Alhaitham can feel the anger and frustration beginning to build in him, but he’s trying his best to keep his voice level and not to start yelling at you in the middle of the market.

“Stop that, please." He begs you in a pleading tone, the pads of his thumb rubbing slow circles around your wrist.

“You’re not a coward, so stop calling yourself one.”

"I ran instead of fixing things. What do you call that?" You hiss at him, but there you go again, being overly sensitive and insulting yourself at every inconvenience.

"... Sorry."

His grip on your hand slightly tightens when you try to apologize, and he has to fight back a sigh before he can force himself to answer.

“I’d call it a ‘poor coping mechanism’.” He replies, his tone flat and almost sarcastic.

You look up at him apologetically, He can see that you’re about to say it again, but thankfully, you bite down on your tongue to keep yourself from doing so. And he’s a little grateful, he doesn’t know how much more he can take.

Alhaitham sighs in exhaustion, and he reaches up a hand to run it through his hair before he speaks again.

“We need to talk. Not here, somewhere.. private.”

Private. Surely private meant some secluded corner or outside where no people would be close enough to listen?

So why were you in his home? With Him hugging you so tightly from behind because he misses you?

“Don’t move.” He lowly mumbles against your hair when he feels you trying to wiggle away.

He squeezes his arms around your body, pulling you even closer against his chest, as close as he physically can, like he’s trying to meld your bodies together completely.

"I hurted you, didn't i?"

He lets out a low huff in your hair at your statement, a soft yet bitter sounding laugh. It hurts more than he’d like to admit, because you did hurt him, deeply.

“Yes.” He replies truthfully, not making any effort to lie to you. “You left and it hurt.”

It’s like a dream, like a vision, having you so close again after days of solitude and loneliness. After hours and days of missing you.

He takes in every feature of your face when he turns you around to face him, every inch of your eyes, your nose, your lips. The shape and contour of your face is etched into his head, all memorised. and he can’t get enough of it, and he wants so badly to pull you into another one of his bone-crushing hugs again.

"I'm sorry for hurting you. I never intended to break up." Your hand lifts up to brush the strands of grey hair away from his eyes before gently holding one side of his face.

"I swear." You look at him with determination, then you remember the words he wants to hear so badly.

"You're my lover," you say, "i need you in my life."

Alhaitham leans down to bury his face into the crook of your neck, and he just breathes in the familiar scent of your skin again. So impossibly relieved that you’re here in his arms again.

"Will you forgive me?"

“Can you promise me that you won’t run away again if we have a fight?” His hands start trailing up the length of your back, the tips of his fingers tracing the bumps of your spine as he speaks, his lips moving against the skin of your neck with every word.

“Don’t run away, talk to me. We’ll talk, and we’ll come up with a solution together.”

"Mhm, i promise." He feels you melt into his embrace, completely surrendering yourself under his touch, and he lets himself revel in the feeling of his body pressed against yours once again. It’s like his brain went completely empty of any thoughts, just leaving pure contentment and a feeling of comfort behind. And so, he lets his body do the thinking for him.

Alhaitham grabs a hold of your thighs in one strong grip, and he lifts you, effortlessly hoisting you up into his arms, and you gasp.

He hoists you up against his chest until your legs are wrapped around his hips, one of his arms curled around your thighs, and the other under your ass, supporting your weight as he starts carrying you to the bed.

One of your hands grabs at his shoulders to keep your balance, and he can’t resist smiling a little when he sees the surprised look on your face.

“Don't worry.” He reassures you, he reaches the bed with several long strides, and his grip around your thighs tightens as he lays you down on the mattress.

"I want to make it up to you," you look at him through half-lidded eyes the moment you lay down, your knee attempting to slowly rub at his growing erection, earning a hiss from him.

"Y-you don't have to, i was just planning that we cuddle—"

"Then why are you hard?" You see how his Adam's apple bobs as he swallows thickly, and he avoids your gaze shyly.

He sits on his knees above you as he watches how your start unzipping his pants, urging him to come closer until his knees were at the sides of your head as you're met with his leaky tip face to face.

It's intimidating, you forget just how big he was. You gently wrap a hand around the base, giving the tip a few kitten licks before your lips grip him snugly and your tongue flicks against the underside of his cock, coaxing low curses from the Scribe.

He can't look down, he doesn't want to. Your expressions gets him off so fast everytime, and when you cough, he involuntarily grips your hair, although still careful to not pull so harshly even when be wanted to so bad.

Alhaitham’s need increases, so is his pace. The desire to cum growing more and more insistent. He bites his lower lip, his grip on your head tightening. “Goddammit,” he manages to groan, head thrown back with his expression all fucked out as he thrusts slowly into your mouth. He brings a fist to cover his mouth to prevent himself from whimpering, to prevent himself from panting so needly like a dog,

“You’re going to make me cum.” You're doing good, better than good, he doesn’t want to rush, but he can feel the implosion building. It's about to go off, and there’s no stopping it.

But when he feels you suck him so eagerly, it makes him part his lips to moan with his eyes closed, grabbing a fistful of your hair and thrusting into your throat greedily to chase his orgasm, the vibrations of your moans is what makes Alhaitham's try to pull out from your mouth, but your tight hold around him makes him fail to do so before he spilled all of his spent into your tongue.

Although he was quick to pull out after, grabbing a tissue from the bedside drawer for you to spit out.

But when you gulp it all in front of him, his eyes widen, the tissue almost slipping from his hand. He doesn’t know what to say or feel, "You didn't have to," He wipes the corner of your lips with the tissue, dabbing your lips clean.

"i love you." You utter out, looking like an absolute angel right before his eyes. "I love you," he repeats back, pecking your lips before pushing you back gently on the bed, prying your legs apart.

Your pants and panties were quick to be discarded to the side, he stares at your entrance, wet, inviting, and a little intimidated by the size he's about to shove inside.

He gently strokes your inner thighs, kissing your outer folds, tasting your arousal, while his thumb rubs circles around your clit. He hums when you gasp, when both of your gazes meet and all he sees his eagerness in your eyes.

Your body squirms, urging him to take you, spearing that tightness with his girth. But he's patient. Oh, how patient he is. Or trying to be, at least.

Alhaitham lines himself up with your hole, and as he looks down at you, you can see the yearning, the want, the need in his eyes.

He keeps a tight hold on your thighs as he slowly, deliberately sinks into you, watching the arch of your back, listening to the low, whimpering sounds escaping your lips.

His mouth is on your neck and collarbone, nipping, kissing, leaving marks of his claim on your skin, "missed my girl,"

Your body is tight around him, and it's not easy, but the Scribe has no intention of stopping until he's had his fill. The gasps and whimpers of discomfort, the pleasure that comes after, the lust—it’s all music to his ears.

"I-i've missed you too."

Alhaitham watches as you cling to him, the words you say stirring something in him. He hands grip on your hips now, and he can't help but smile into your neck.

He's thrusting into you deeper, the feeling of your tightness around him driving him wild. It's a sweet, torturous dance you both share. Every time he thrusts, he's sure to hit the right spot, making you moan and squirm.

He lifts his head to kiss you, kissing you with fervor, his tongue dueling with yours. He could taste the bitter remnants of himself on your tongue, but he wants to taste you, feel your pleasure, and with the way your walls are clenching around his cock, he won't have to wait much longer.

Alhaitham's thrusts become faster, harder, and he can feel the familiar heat building. His hand leaves your hip, and his fingers find your clit in a synchronization of the cries of his name. He's determined to make you come.

"Cum for me, sweetheart," he growls into your ear. "Let me feel it." He wants to watch you unravel in his arms, to see the expression on your face.

And you do, almost instantly, it makes your eyes roll back to the back of your head as you hold onto him while thrusting your hips back into him.

Not long after, he couldn't hold back any longer. It’s too much, the tightness around his cock, the sight of your body trembling beneath him, the taste of your lips, the scent of you. He explodes, filling you up, his seed a testament to the pleasure he’s found.

He collapses on top of you, panting, his heartbeat racing. The room is filled with the sound of their ragged breathing, and in that moment, there’s nothing but the two of them, basking in their shared pleasure.

After a while, Alhaitham slowly pulls out of you, his eyes hold yours, the two of you naked and tangled, laying in sweat. He moves his body off yours to clean you both up. He’ll make some tea, something to calm your nerves, then you'll talk for real this time.