#and I Suffered for it. my god. but it was so worth it

[careyakane]

Rushed thoughts on the importance of creation while in our youth (meant to be read quickly without heed to grammar…)

Music really is a young man’s game—an attempt at a unique perspective to be consumed by the youth. How the hell do I see the world? How do I convince someone, through feeling and words, of my conviction for living? How do I use my singularity to communicate to the masses (or the few)?

How do I take the common and make it intriguing? How do I take the muted and listless and make it wondrous? How do I take suffering and turn it into comfort? How do I alchemize life into art?

How do I say just enough, and never too much, so I might not disrespect what is already great innately in all things beyond the human touch?

Who am I? I am not meant to just be the messenger. That is a part, but not the whole.

I want to be an architect of taste and understanding. I want to make people understand themselves. I want to make them feel the same awe and wonder that I do in small, simple things, just as one does for the grand and rare. I want to reverse the plague of numb stumbling, drowned-out consumption, and blindness to a beautiful world that has not failed them.

As much as I like to claim there is no rush, it is a lie. The rush should never force one to do sloppy work, but time is everything, since perspective is everything.

Only once will I have this clarity and naïveté toward life—this sense of worth and great fear battling each other day in and day out. Only now do the days stretch with such opportunity and golden light, and the nights with such longing and melancholy.

Speak. Write. Dance. Create. It is all you must do. But do it well and honestly. For honest and quick work will be your best hope. The gods of creation look upon you with kind eyes and won’t fail you now.

You must only give in to the work. Give in to the life. Give in to the range of elation and loss.

Write, my boy. Write.

[brandon-the-terrible]

I just finished the final TF2 comic (yes it’s actually out in case you didn’t know) and i just wanna make a post to dump my initial thoughts about it

Big spoilers below, of course…

- Damn Merasmus got JACKED. I was wondering what happened to him.

- I actually fucking burst out laughing when Soldier just whipped out a piece of Australium. Of COURSE Soldier would just happen to be in possession of a shit ton of Australium without even knowing. That’s the most tf2 way they could have resolved that.

- Y’know, the reveal that the Administrators big master plan was just a plot to ruin the Mann family feels appropriate. Like the plot of tf2 was centered on the war between Redmond and Bluarch, so that feels like a continuation of the whole “pointless violence” theme.

- Miss Pauling straight up lying to the Adminstrator’s face about the Australium made me gasp. It really puts into perspective how much of a… disappointment this whole thing must be in Pauling’s eyes. The enigmatic scheme she dedicated her whole life to and killed countless people for, was nothing but 100+ years of bitter revenge on a man who’s basically just a corpse by now. A bitter revenge scheme she doesn’t want to see keep going, so she betrays the person she spent her whole life serving and lets her finally waste away and die so it can all finally end.

- “It was worth it.” Jesus. So even after finally realizing how pointless her revenge scheme was, the Administrator doesn’t even care. She was so consumed by hatred for Zepheniah that simply knowing he suffered for over a century was enough. By her own admission, she doesn’t even really remember what he did to warrant it.

- Glad to see that Pauling got rid of the remaining Australium. I was worried what would happen, with all those shots of her staring at it. But after seeing what happened to the Administrator, how many lives were destroyed in pursuit of it, she made the right choice.

- Scout last name reveal????

- So I guess the mercs are finally, fully retired now. Nice to see them all finally move on.

- How many kids did Scout have??? I thought the whole “God’s gift to women” thing was just because it was his own personal heaven, but nope, I guess he really is.

- Ahhh the whole Smissmas part is amazing!! Spy with his mask off!! All the mercs are still in touch!

- HEY WAIT IS THAT THE PYRO’S MASK ON THE TABLE AT THE END???

- Oh my GOD I love teenage Olivia so much. I didn’t even think we’d see her again! Plus her ending was great, she gets to live her own life out of her father’s shadow.

- And of course, the comic started with Hale, so we end with Hale. Even in his winter years he’s still doing what he does best: beating the shit out of wildlife.

I think that’s all the thoughts I have, at least for now. I might reblog this with some more thoughts, idk. Either way, goddamn what a sendoff. This was SO worth the wait.

[thebaffledcaptain]

The incredible view from Mount Defiance this weekend at the 1777 Brown’s Raid Reenactment at Fort Ticonderoga. We set up a bivouac camp Friday night and woke up at 5 to trek all the way up the mountain and seize the guns—I’m not going to lie, that hike almost did me in before the British did—but it was worth it to emerge from the woods and see the red sun rising over a sea of clouds, the Fort entirely obscured in the distance.

[iwritenarrativesandstuff]

On Kurapika's Self-Imposed Isolation

While I recognize that probably everything I'm about to say is going to be super obvious, I just wanted to briefly touch on Kurapika's self-isolation, and the reason behind his not picking up his phone or exchanging anything more than clipped words and business after Yorknew.

I think the obvious answer is that Kurapika doesn't want his friends in harms way, or to be used as a bargaining tool against him. This is an understandable and probably accurate conclusion. After all, Gon and Killua did get taken hostage, and Kurapika was forced to negotiate an exchange. Chrollo picked up on Kurapika's "weakness" right away - that he values his friends' safety before his revenge. Fortunately for Kurapika in this situation, Pakunoda was a whole lot more similar to him than he would've cared to admit, as she placed a value on Chrollo's life even though everyone in the Spider was intended to be replaceable. So, now that he's been through Gon and Killua having potentially gotten killed or seriously hurt, and Chrollo knows that he has a soft spot for them, it does make sense that he would try to push them away for their safety and for the sake of not having an exploitable "weakness" in future. He may also not want to burden them more when they have their own lives to live - he does slip off without telling Gon and Killua for the sake of not distracting them from Nen training, after all.

Except that he already tried all this earlier in Yorknew arc. He tried to tell them they shouldn't get involved, and they all agreed that the risks were massive - but his friends agreed to undergo the risks anyways to help him. Kurapika was even grateful for it - "I have been blessed with good friends."

So, for him to push them away solely for this reason after the fact, knowing that this was very much a likely situation to happen, is a little odd to me. Kurapika knows full well that Leorio would be frustrated, Killua would be offended and Gon would worry. So, I think there's a little more to it than that, and I actually would venture to say that "keeping his friends out of danger" is more a secondary reason for his actions - one that would come across as more of a reasonable excuse to others.

The primary reason is likely a lot more selfish than that. Kurapika has to ensure his mission comes first. And unfortunately, he is fully aware that his path and choice in abilities is deeply self-destructive.

Kurapika needs to make sure that he doesn't have exploitable weaknesses, sure, but he also just as much needs to purposefully worsen his headspace - and he can't do that with those three around.

Think back, what are the happiest moments we see from Kurapika in the series? The one that comes to mind first, and the one I'm sure most of us will think of immediately, is this:

[ID: A screenshot from the 2011 anime adaptation. Kurapika smiles - he looks at ease. End ID.]

It's one of the sweetest scenes of the series imo, right before the whole group is reunited for the first time since the Zoldyck Family arc, and it's even more notable because it comes immediately on the tail end of this...

[ID: Three panels from HxH Chapter 101. Kurapika removes his contacts over the sink. His expression is distant. End ID.]

...and this...

[ID: A panel from HxH Chapter 101. A close up of Kurapika's vacant and furious expression, his eyes wide and dangerous as he says "It might as well be you." Though the art is in black and white, it's apparent his eyes have gone scarlet. End ID.]

...and this.

[ID: A panel from HxH Chapter 101. A distant Kurapika speaks on the phone on a rooftop at night, the cityscape of Yorknew around him dark, but speckled with lights and stars. He says "The Spiders are dead." His face is not visible to the reader. End ID.]

This is, up to this point in the series, Kurapika at his lowest. In contrast to Gon, who is happy to hear that the Spiders are dead already because now Kurapika can focus solely on finding his peoples' eyes, Kurapika... is clearly not happy - and that's because killing the Spiders himself isn't just revenge. It's penance. It's survivor's guilt. Kurapika's powers, which Izunavi even comments sound much like he is chaining himself in the process of chaining his enemies, are oh-so-beautifully prophecied to destroy him - and Kurapika was aware of this from the moment he set off down this path of revenge.

(As a side note, this is why I'm really hoping we see Gon and Kurapika interact again after the Chimera Ant arc - while Gon has always been pretty attentive to Kurapika's emotional state, in Yorknew, he lacks a true understanding of why Kurapika would go so far... but as of now, he understands rage fueled by guilt and grief all too well. I know we're all rooting for Leorio to reach Kurapika, but barring that, I really think Gon could get through to him - after all, they are similar in several ways, and I find it fairly apparent that Gon reminds Kurapika of Pairo.)

But back to the main point here - I do suspect Kurapika expects (if not wants) his revenge mission to destroy him. I think a lot of times, we forget just how young Kurapika is, and how much his character is dictated by honour, and the abandonment of it.

Certainly, he can and will go against his principles for the sake of his mission... yet, almost paradoxically, he's bound to his promise to his fallen clan; a promise to avenge them made in anger.

But Kurapika... doesn't come across as a naturally angry person to me at all.

He seems like the stoic, vengeful type on his initial introduction... and then we get his panic at Gon's recklessness

[ID: A panel from HxH Chapter 2. Kurapika and Leorio wear matching expressions of panic in front of Gon, calling him out for his recklessness. End ID.]

...and his near-immediate forgiveness of Leorio after getting the first inkling of his character - of someone who cares just as fiercely as he does.

And after that point? Almost all through the Hunter Exam? Kurapika smiles so readily at them. He's sharp and funny. He mediates at times, but is stubbornly prideful in others. He's very amused by his friends' antics, and it really does seem like he starts to enjoy himself, with them. And, more than that, he counters Leorio's initial impression of him as an independent loner - on several occasions. He decides to follow Gon because Gon intrigues him. Asides from Gon, it is Kurapika who is the most unwilling to fight each other at the bottom of Trick Tower. Kurapika who makes the first move to team up with Leorio, even though that arrangement benefits Leorio much more than it does him. Kurapika who refuses to abandon Leorio to his fate in the cave, and who checks on Gon after noticing his bad mood. Who was furious enough watching him get beat down by Hanzo that his eyes went scarlet for the first and only instance outside of Spider mentions and Emperor Time. Who quite readily detoured to help rescue Killua.

[ID: Three screenshots from the 2011 adaptation Hunter Exam arc. In the first, Kurapika smiles at a sleeping Leorio. In the second, Kurapika stifles laughter as he pretends he's asleep. In the third, Kurapika has an open-mouthed smile as he acquires the airship tickets for them, Leorio and Gon standing behind him. End ID.]

Look at him! He's so bright! So happy!

...too happy. Too happy to do what he promised himself he would do. And that's his biggest fear, isn't it. Without his rage... what is he left with?

[ID: A panel from HxH chapter 2. A close up of Kurapika's eye as he says "I do not fear death. What I fear is that my rage will one day fade away." End ID.]

Kurapika is far, far less mired in anger when he's with his friends. I actually dare to say that at certain points, he was able to go for lengths of time without thinking much about it - alternating between almost forgetting in one instance and being hit like a sledgehammer on exposure to a reminder in the next. This violent swing is... actually the beginnings of the natural process of healing from loss and trauma. But to Kurapika, who's made a promise to his people's memories, this is not a relief. This is betrayal.

I think that actually scares him, that he can almost picture it. A life beyond his guilt. That he, too, could learn to be happy, even after unimaginable loss.

And so, as Kurapika continues his mission offscreen, finding more and more gruesome reminders of the cruelty inflicted on his people and losing more and more pieces of himself in the process (in his own words, no less), he prioritizes his responsibility to them, and pushes away his distractions. He cannot be a soul at peace until his work is done; he must be in turmoil. He pushes people away who he cares for, and binds himself, and keeps his people's eyes on him, quite literally, because respite, for him, is unacceptable. Perhaps that guilty part of him even hopes, by the end of this, that his soul will be so unrecognizable as to be fundamentally unsalvageable. But the truth of the matter is, or at least what comes across to me, is that Kurapika cares much more fiercely than he hates. He knows what matters most. And for as long as he does, he still hasn't truly lost himself.

[ID: A panel from HxH chapter 350. Kurapika looks down at baby Woble with a gentle, yet complicated expression. The inking is somewhat softer. End ID.]

Kurapika's soul is kind, really. And it wants to heal - but for the sake of his mission, he needs it damaged and bleeding. And so, he forces himself to exist in that pain. All alone.

[ID: A panel from HxH Chapter 344. Kurapika, dressed in a black suit, sits with his back to the reader, looking down at a photo in his hand. He is slumped a little before the church vigil he has prepared, all his clan's eyes lined up in their jars and honoured with flowers and candles. He thinks to himself "There is no home for me to return to... and nobody to welcome me back. I have nothing left." End ID.]

[helielune]

and stalling only goes so far when you've got a head start

[lesbianmaxevans]

2.07 || 2.08

[tearitar]

this might be petty but 4 of my coworkers pissed me off so bad last week (each individually pissing me off) I put them in a room together, knowing they all hate each other.

[skitskatdacat63]

2023 Brazilian Grand Prix - Podium - Fernando Alonso

[laesas]

RamKing + Venus Flytrap || by kinnbig

[cryptvokeeper]

my take on the suffering Game graphic novel is that they did the Suffering Game dirty but they did that Lunar Interlude REAL good

[synintheraven]

Now that the weekend is over I wanted to share these here aaand take this opportunity to thank @sihtricfedaraaahvicius for gifting my bunch of Sihtrics (part 2, lol) to Arnas my beloved and @whitedarkmoonflower for gifting my Finan drawing to Mark BUT also because she was extra nice and gifted a copy of the s4 Sihtric and Sygtryggr drawings I did for her to Arnas and Eysteinn!!! (That last bit was unexpected as I only asked her to give Mark my drawing so naturally I'm over the moon and want to give her a big virtual hug (regardless if she gifted my art in my behalf or hers, I'm still crying) 😭😭🥰) Anyway long story short, you're the nicest guys thank you so much!!!! <3

Additionally, you can find unedited HQ pics of these drawings >here< on my portfolio (recommended to open in Chrome, for whatever reason it doesn't show up from the tumblr app) 💕

[celesomnis]

Finally got around to completing this

woo first twst fanart!

{ concept art by eyvind earle }

[dengswei]

honestly monster next door is everything i've been begging for for big for YEARS like i don't think you'd understand the importance of this drama to me and probably to big too really like i'm just rambling right now because i can't put it into words probably but big deserves this and i hope this is just the beginning of his success & recognition because it's what he deserves after not being recognised for so long

[acourtofquestions]

“She had no magic to wield, save for the keen eyes of the goddess at her shoulder and an uncanny ability to remain unnoticed, to play into expectations.”

[lizziestudieshistory]

Sooo... With the fate of Rhaenys and my beloved Eve Best not being around going forward, does this mean I'm now only watching House of the Dragon for Aegon? Honestly, this is a bigger plot twist than anything the writers have managed to come up with so far...

[opens-up-4-nobody]

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