#and Carmy’s like. dooming her to become him basically

[freedelusionshere]

Sorry, this is long, hope it's okay!

Carmy wants to desperately keep her there at the very least? He said the Michelin Star was a trap and went along with it anyway (because she wanted it). Syd later admits she's been his "accomplice" in S3, because he initially justified what he did with the excuse it was in pursuit of the star.

He couldn't even attempt any of that without all she had contributed to that point to begin with. But also, Syd is impulsive and will rush things, and we see him push back about that in S1 with the rib and risotto dish.

But then...he agrees to adding the to-go orders he didn't want. Did he do that as a compromise? I would guess so. When it blows up, he blows up, she tells him off, leaves, and when she comes back, he immediately makes her an offer and starts promising stuff he knows she'll want to do.

This will become a pattern of behavior with them both.

Carmy's behavior in S2? He doesn't really know how to build a restaurant, and under that time line? He knows how to work in one when it's up and running. But who did he promise that to?

Syd has more experience from starting her own business, even though it failed, she's the one writing the business plan. She brings in Nat to basically run business ops.

He fucks up their date/tour. Later, instead of doing whatever with Claire, he stays up all night drawing a menu to present to Syd! Telling her, "This is what you wanted" (when he knows it's not) but he's giving her an opportunity to tell him what to do, which she kind of does, but withholds her real feelings to keep it professional (in order to pretend she's not jealous).

Carmy's behavior is exactly like the story Emmanuel tells about himself and Syd's mom (who were "still getting to know each other"): Carmy is fronting about what he's capable of, and Syd ends up doing the work.

But at Friends and Family, Carmy loses his shit when he realizes the truth, which is Syd doesn't need him to complete a service. Also, by this time, Richie has told Syd that she is part of the family.

In S3, Carmy says he'll never leave Syd alone again, and sends her a partnership agreement without even discussing the contents, or allowing negotiation, and then presents a list of non-negotiables. It's him trying to stay in control because he knows he's running out of things to offer her to make her stay. Then...he promises her the star again instead of being wishy-washy about it and she agrees.

That partnership agreement is a test to see if she will stick with him or not, and he knows he's in big-time trouble because she doesn't sign it. He invites her to Ever's funeral dinner, and she gets treated like an equal among her peers, which, interestingly, is what she'd been fuming about, doom scrolling media pieces about Carmy the day before! Because at this point, they both know she's his equal and he's trying to dominate in the kitchen and she's not playing his game; she is the one really in control, not him. That is her kitchen.

Syd at this point has to know that when Carmy fucks up it will immediately be followed by him giving her something she wants. She is getting tired of it, though, because she was definitely considering Shapiro's offer.

They're like a married couple who are codependent, and breaking the cycle for her would be feeling safe enough to talk about how she really feels (this means treating her like she's really his partner). She has money problems that are completely acerbated by the way he's chosen to run the restaurant. He owes her several things, one is a sense of security (within the means he has) and doing the stuff he agreed to do with her in the beginning, even if it's hard.

Carmy always had the vibe, the vision for something new, and the idea of making the restaurant different. It was never Mikey’s idea—it was his. In a way, his dialogue mirrors Sydney's; they have that same desire.

As we know, after Mikey died, the restaurant became less about building something new and more about trying to turn back time to fix what went wrong between him and Mikey- maybe in a way to save Mikey and break the cycle? Then Sydney came along—a Chef who shared his original vision and understood that things had to change. She became someone who wanted to break cycles with him.

He says the right things—"our menu," or "I wouldn’t even want to do it without you." But what happens if he actually has to move forward without Sydney physically present? Would he be able to carry that vision on his own?

He wouldn't because, in 1x08, he doesn't even try and ultimately gives up when she leaves. He decides to keep things the same. Then she comes back, and he's ready to change again—but not because he has to save Mikey. He wants to break a cycle for her... so she could stay?

Maybe.

[kvetchinglyneurotic]

My controversial opinion about The Bear is that Sydney and Carmy have one of those character dynamics where them being in a romantic relationship/having romantic feelings for each other is the least interesting option, and I’m not just saying that because Carmy gives me aro vibes