#and Billy’s experience is very based on my dads during the mid 80s

[intothedysphoria]

There was a certain type of guilt that accumulated when you know you’re the reason your boyfriend was shipped off to join the airforce.

Steve got consumed by it pretty quick.

They got caught. Steve really didn’t think he was that loud during sex and usually that would be true. Except apparently he was that loud while bottoming.

Neil hit the roof and Billy was gone like that.

He came back a year later. After Neil ran off to Alabama or Texas or Florida. Somewhere in the south.

Billy’s mullet had gone. In its place, there was a slightly grown out crew cut, hair already making an attempt to curl despite the lack of length. He’d gotten six new tattoos, including one in a language Steve didn’t understand. Probably Irish.

He’d left the Air Force the moment Neil disappeared. Apparently it had been a lot of standing around or sitting in aircraft carriers. Dishonourable discharge because Billy had shown great aptitude for flying but a complete disregard of authority.

Plus, Steve had never met anyone who was more vehemently anti military in his life.

They tried to pick up where they left off. Billy insisted that he was fine, he’d seen absolutely no combat and he’d gotten on with his bunkmates.

It wasn’t exactly Billy who was the problem.

Steve was paranoid. It was like somehow the ever present fear of Neil Hargrove had passed on from Billy to him.

Every time they were alone, Steve was convinced that someone was going to barge in and split them up. Taking Billy away from him again.

It was starting to put an actual strain on their relationship.

The worries were finally addressed in Walmart. The best place to resolve all problems.

Billy asked if Steve wanted to break up. Steve managed to stammer through “what the fuck no” before Billy demanded to know what Steve’s deal was then.

There was a beat of silence.

“Neil”

Billy’s face darkened in understanding.

They couldn’t hold hands in public but Billy’s arm moved a fraction closer to his.

It was all the confirmation Steve needed.

Things didn’t go back to normal after that. They didn’t live in a fairytale. But Steve finally let himself breathe. And slowly he let the guilt go.

For @oopsiedaisiesbaby

@shieldofiron @dragonflylady77 @runraerun @harringroveobsessed @thatgirlwithasquid