#and Almost Dies because they sure as shit don't have a scout

[iceskatingmobsters]

when I started writing this thing it was "hornfels is the only person with any braincells in this family" (out of the founders) but as I've continued to write it's become "gossan is the only person with any braincells in this family and if someone is in danger they STOP USING THEM"

[robin374]

OPEN REQUESTS YIPPE!!!

okay okay, gentle femdom reader x scout? ugh i just take care of this sweet boy😫 maybe include some praise? a few ‘’good boys’’ here and there… poor guy must be so starved for some validation🥹

( also can this be a friends to lovers sorta thing? like maybe we find him alone crying, or hes venting to us so we take it into our hands to show him just how much he means to us (all consensual ofc))

They are always open 💀

Taking care of Scout (Femdom NSFW)

Ngl he genuinely thought you were his friend, nothing more.

He didn't feel like flirting with you, because almost every girl he had as a friend left him behind because he was so flirty with them.

We all know he thinks he is useless. C'mon he doesn't talk with mom often, his father left him and Miss Pauling isn't interested in him.

He really likes being with you and spending time with you. It's like you lift up his spirit even more.

He feels like shit every day, it's a constant by now. Whenever Soldier shouts at him because he died while stealing the briefcase, he sometimes looks at you to make sure you don't see him as a failure.

That day, you walked past his room and heard some sobs. You thought it was strange, because no civilian girl was allowed into the base. You gently opened the door and saw him laying on his bed, face down, hugging a pillow while crying.

You felt like someone stabbed your heart with a dagger (It wasn't a Spy) you had to do something, and you knew exactly what to do.

You approached him, you made sure he knew it was you by caressing his back.

"I fon't fwant to talk" he said, his voice muffled.

"You don't have to, Jeremy."

You turned him around, making him face you. Before he said something, you kissed him. You wanted him to know that he was enough, that you loved him. And not as a friend.

You kissed his left cheek, then his right cheek, his forehead, nose... All while whispering to him sweet things.

"I love your eyes *mwah* your cheeks *mwah* your neck *mwah*

You traced a small path of kisses down his chest, then to his abdomen, until you reached his belt. You didn't ask him anything, you knew he wanted it, and you wanted it too.

You took his pants off, seeing his erected size. You smiled at him, "don't do any sound, got it?" He nodded, "Good boy"

You gave him a blowjob, he tried his best not to moan or whimper in front of you. He wanted you to see him as a tough man. Well, until you stopped sucking his dick off just before he was going to cum. He begged you to continue, to show him that love he had waited for so long.

"Don't worry, I haven't even started, dear"

[givemewallywestorgivemedeath]

I have a vague memory of Irey being able to do absolutely terrifying things with the speedforce too? She could make her Impulse costume out of energy like Wally could but couldn't she also like. Wrap people in pure speedforce cocoons and control their lifespans

... no...?

I mean. This is actually super weird for me because my personal headcanon is that she'll grow up to do those things but... uh.. no, she's never done that in canon

The suit thing, yeah. Most speedsters can do the suit thing.

Wally has made lil tiny baby speedforce cocoons to hold arsenic bombs and stuff. But, as far as I'm aware, there haven't been any people sized speedforce cocoons.

It seems doable but it also doesn't seem doable. Idk. Speedsters usually have to be super close to their constructs (like, touching them) for them to exist because (although they don't like to admit it) the constructs are usually more 'extensions of their own body that are too inhumane for them to mentally classify as part of their body without having a mental breakdown' and less 'actual stand alone constructs'. For example, Wally's 'cocoons' were attached to his hands.

Of course that being said, Scouts are speedforce constructs that can exist without touching their speedforce source/creator. But Bart is also on some next level shit with that power. That's not a typical speedster ability. Godspeed made a single Scout for less than a minute and he almost died. Rip to Godspeed but Bart is built different.

So ... Idk. It's a possibility for sure.

Now the aging thing is, again, just a general speedster power. Most speedsters can do this, they just don't know they can do it. Pretty much every speedster controls their own aging and slows down their loved ones aging.

Making someone age super fast or deage is a speedster power as well. It just takes a lot more skill and practice. Not every speedster can do it and, honestly, most haven't tried. I love em but they aren't the most creative bunch. Anyway, it's a power that has been shown before and it's 100% doable. I could totally see Irey being able to do it.

[platypusmonstah]

C3E77

I don't ever participate in discourse or discuss anything plot-wise to any shows, movies, or any other entertainment media, because, well I just don't wanna. I try to keep my opinions to myself and just enjoy (or hate) things on my own.

Before I go into this I will admit, I am not a fan of Ashton, don't hate the characters, I am just indifferent to them. I don't care about the pity party we have been watching for the past 2 years, them being left behind, the savior complex, and whatnot. I admit, that I am not so versed in the punk scene and what it's about (I am pretty sure it's not about feeling sorry for oneself, but I could be wrong) so perhaps this is where my indifference comes from? I don't know, they are not my cup of tea that I would enjoy. I do admit that the character has changed since we first saw them, for the better.

That being said, Taliesin plays them VERY well. So much so that sometimes it is hard to see where one starts and one ends. You can't tell if a fuck up is from Ashton doing Ashton or Tal misunderstanding what's going on. I don't know.

Personally, I am a bit miffed (just a tiny bit, it actually kinda passed because, well, this show is not created for me, the whole thing is Matt building this for them so who the fuck am I to judge what they do, I'm just here for the wild ride), because yes, the 3rd campaign is 2 years in, but in-game its only been 80 days. They had that shard for 1 day. Just 1 day. They were about to go on a scouting mission on the fricking moon. This mission is not gonna be a big bad boss fight. So using the shard was not the number 1 priority. And even if in the end Fearne refused it, there are other party members, or even other characters that could have absorbed it. I digress.

I do think Matt went too easy on Ashton and Tal. Yes, he presented the red button, but that button was glowing and had multiple warnings pointed toward it. Whether he went easy because he was not prepared for this, or he went easy on it because he didn't want to fuck up the party and campaign, we will probably never know. It would have halted the campaign, had Ashton died. People are praising Taleisin for doing this, and how it was so brave, but I wonder if they would have thought the same if it backfired and Ashton died. Who knows.

The second half C3E77 was stressful af. There were a lot of instances in all 3 campaigns that were stressful and made me almost pull a Marisha and perch. Characters doing stuff that made you wanna throw something at them. And in the end was worth it. It helped the party, it pushed the story forward. This will also. What soured it this time for me, was the gloating at the end. Taliesin gloated, not Ashton. Ashton would have been dead dead had it not been for Fearne, FCG, and that ring. Tal gloating was jarring, and for that, I hope they gave him shit after the episode.

But ultimately I am happy it worked out in the end. Because if it didn't, I'd feel horrible for Ashley. She was the only one who knew what was gonna happen. She already had to choose once who lived and who died, and she felt like shit for weeks afterward. I don't even wanna entertain the idea of how she would have felt if Ashton died.

[blubushie]

I don't know if you've done this before, but I wanna know how you'd order the (canon) mercs from most to least favorite.

Oh, strewth, I haven't done this before!

Sniper, obviously. My skrunkly. I want to make him a warm meal and let him nap for awhile. I'd like to go croc spotting with him. Fishing, too. Take him out to the South Alligator and fish for barramundi. Also discuss sniper shit because it's been a few weeks and I miss it. My sheila can supervise us and make sure we don't end up biffing because when you get two headstrong, competitive blokes together that has a tendency to happen. Also because he has a foot on me and would absolutely kick my arse and probably chuck me overboard for the crocs. She's there for my protection, not his.

Scout. This poor lad has been through so much shit. He deserved a better dad, a better childhood. We could talk baseball. My dad's American (NorCal) so I grew up an SF Giants fan (also an Adelaide Giants fan). Growing up in Alice Springs I'd play baseball with the American kids from Pine Gap and when I went back to the US I played baseball there too, so I know a bit about baseball. I'm sure we could keep each other entertained. I also love music from the 50s-70s so I would sing Tom Jones songs with him.

Spy, the faguette. A cunt for leaving his son but I also understand why he did it. If we were mates I'd nick his darts. I bet he flavours them (and I have a deep affection for rum-flavoured cigarillos). Probably has a nice humidor and everything in his study. I don't even have a humidor. I don't care for wine but I'm keen on discussing liquors with him, especially any whisky and scotch. I'd nick a bottle of Macallan from him when he's not looking and he'd cut my fingers off for it later. We can invite Sniper and Demo for booze tasting. I also want to know what cologne he uses to hide the stink lines.

Medic. Absolute madcunt. He makes me wish I actually ended up going to medical school (Christ, could you imagine me as a doctor?) Upmost respect for his chaos. I want him to crack my skull open and lobotomise me while I'm working. Would let him literally rearrange my guts. He has the level of cunning and improv that I wish I had. Suave cunt that can talk his way out of any situation.

Engineer. A workaholic who never rests. A good ol' southern boy. He reminds me of my older brother. I want to discuss southern shit with him. Unhealthy fried foods, summer fairs, mustering cattle (but he'd call it wrangling). I would kill for him to grill me a steak. I'd love to talk to him about rodeos and cutting horses. I'd love to see him ride a horse. I'd love to race horses with him.

Demoman. Another workaholic who just wants to make his mum proud to the point of his own detriment. His personality reminds me of my mate Jack. Fun-loving with a cocky attitude and pride in what he does and a penchant for explosives. We could have a few beers and exchange ghost and monster stories. My dad went to sniper school in the Marines and was the top of his class but he never got to finish it because he caught malaria, almost died, and by the time he recovered he'd missed his final testing and it was time to ship out. They made him a grenadier, so he'd lugged an M79 grenade launcher through the jungle from 1968 to 1969 when he went home. He loved it. My dad would love to talk bloopers with him.

Heavy. A man who go to hell and back for his family and those he loves. It's not that I don't like him. He just scares me. He could break me in half like a twig. I'd rather swim in the South Alligator than face him on the battlefield. I would love to discuss history and literature with him, though. I hope he could translate classic Russian literature for me.

Pyro. A little maniac with a hot streak. Much like Heavy, Pyro bloody scares me. He gives me the vibes of inviting me to a tea party (which I'd accept) and then cutting off my hand when I refuse sugar. I would constantly be on edge. That said, he'd always have a light, so it can't be too bad.

Soldier. A character I wish we got to see a better side of. I'm sorry! I reckon I just see "stupid military man" too much in media and it kinda stings since 1) the military (both US and AUS) have really high standards for entry, and 2) my dad is a Marine and without doubt the smartest person I've ever met. He taught me to shoot and he was doing the windage calculations in his head. I have to write it down. I can't even do it in my head. He was only trained as a sniper for a few months and I've been doing this for 3 years and he's still better than I could ever hope to be. Yes, I'm aware Soldier wasn't actually in the military, the stigma just... stings, I suppose? For a non-canon deviation, I love what Emesis Blue did with him. Kept his personality without making him a complete dumb cunt. He felt like Soldier but still capable, a complete dumb cunt in personality but still cunning and what you'd expect of a mercenary. "What are you, blind? Come on! Right here! Take your best shot!" -My dad, probably, before he was shot in the head by a Viet Cong sniper.

[malexthesecond]

i finally figured out what attack on titan does right

i've been re-watching the show recently and for the longest time I could tell it was good, but could never tell what it was. but a re-watch really opened my eyes starting off, the foreshadowing oh my god the foreshadowing. ALL OF THE AOT SPOILERS AHEAD don't continue if you don't want the anime spoiled (i wont spoil the manga, since I'm primarily discussing the show here, but some of my points will apply to both since the manga is equally amazing). There are so many fucking examples of subtle and not-so-subtle foreshadowing it's insane. Here's a few - The camera pans to Reiner and Bertolt a number of times when other characters are discussing the armoured and colossal titans -Armin figures out that the female titan wants Eren, while not specifically mentioning it until several episodes later. This leads to him yelling about how she killed "that suicidal maniac" when she did not, which causes her to pause, further foreshadowing that she wants Eren. -Reiner carves a message into the female titan's hand when he is "captured". pointed out later but still cool - Reiner takes a specific interest in eren's location in the scouting formation. also pointed out later but still awesome - you can SEE Reiner and Bertolt going to bite their hand as the tower at utgard castle begins to fall before ymir saves them - Reiner and Bertolt are in awe at the beast titan, multiple episodes before they are revealed to be titans themselves There's so much more, but I could go on all day if I talked about them all. Foreshadowing is a fucking great technique, especially in shows, as it allows you to rewatch them and gives the plot such a suspenseful feeling, and attack on titan uses it extraordinarily well Another reason aot is so great is due to the way it treats combat and mortality. Death is such a prevalent theme in the show that you feel that all characters are mortal, even seemingly invincible characters like miche and erwin have such fucking horrendous and emotive deaths that it gives the feeling of uncertainty and suspense throughout the entire show. miche's stands out to me in particular due to the absolutely harrowing screams he emits being torn apart by titans and his fear in the face of the beast titan. He's determined to succeed, but in the end determination means nothing, which is typical in other places in attack on titan like in Eren's entire character, where he is determined, but not actually all that skilled until later on. Attack on titan treats combat better than any piece of media I've ever seen. Sure, combat can be badass and cool and in attack on titan, it sure as shit is. You don't have to look much further than Levi's fight with the beast titan or Eren fighting Annie in titan form to figure that out. But it also treats it differently to other shows. Victories are almost always pyrrhic or there is an absolutely disastrous defeat. Most of the time, during battle, a named character is injured or outright killed and the effects of that on the characters are shown. Armin's guilt for being revived over Erwin, Eren's guilt because so many people died to save him at the start of season 3 and Levi's obvious despair upon seeing his whole squad wiped out are prime examples. But where how it portrays combat really shines is in the soundtrack. AOT has a brilliant soundtrack for intense battles, tracks like xl-tt, You see big girl and ashes on the fire are amazing and really add to the scenes they're used in. But attack on titan occasionally switches what music should be where, with tragic scenes like Levi finding Levi Squad dead having ətˈæk 0N tάɪtn play in the background, an intense orchestral track, and Vogel Im Kafig, another more intense track at its end playing when Eren is inside a titan's stomach. It highlights desperation but also the tragic nature of combat, where it must continue despite a character's emotions. anyway im done being a nerd bye

[gh0sti3-sm1l3]

THEORY TIME!!

(I made a post about the candidates for Luz's palisman that I reblogged, so go check that out if you're interested!)

God where do I even BEGIN? Okay first, it is most likely that King's parent IS the titan that makes up the Boiling Isles; 1) because titans are very powerful creatures and they probably need time to develop in the egg, 2) because of what happened in the episode, 3) because King is supposedly "the lost son of the Boiling Isles", 4) the main reason people don't agree with this theory is because the Boiling Isles would've had to been made before King was born because he needed a place to hatch, but what I think is that the island King was born on ISN'T attached to the Boiling Isles. He could've been born AND THEN his father could've died, creating the Boiling Isles.

What I also wanted to say was about the rebellion. Hexside would most likely be apart of it. After Labyrinth Runners, Hunter told them all what happened, and they would all would want to rebel and stop the Day of Unity. CATTs (Covens Against The Throne) now has more rebels. Darius, Eber, Eda, Luz, King, Lilith and Steve.

(Also I just want to say that Steve looks so good and I was SO not expecting him to remove his mask—)

So they have an entire school, a runaway Golden Guard, a coven scout, three coven heads, the BATTs, the Owl Family and a titan on their side. Something tells me that this finale episode will be the most intense thing I will ever watch, and I watched Endgame.

Lets not even get STARTED on the fact that Gus is so immensely strong with his illusions he went into the avatar state.

Amity would most likely ask her dad to turn off the Abomitons for the Emperor's Coven and for them to create their own army of Abomitons.

I wonder if any of the other Golden Guards will come into play, or if Hunter will die and maybe come back alive?

Eda will cash in the favour from the Bat Queen and she'll help them rebel, and maybe the other lost palismen that the Bat Queen protects will also be apart of this? I'm not sure, but that whistle will come into play. Maybe a game changer.

Maybe they'll get the Collector on their side. King is still connected, and they seemingly want to talk to him? Also, we were right in our predictions that it was the Collector whispering in the background of Yesterday's Lie. They're in the interdimensional portal thing, except he's trapped there, just like how Luz could only be in the reflections of glass. The Collector almost begged for King to stay/not go in his dream, but he was woken up.

Now I have two theories about him and Luz. 1) Luz is gonna be possessed by the Collector and 2) Luz is gonna pretend to be possessed by the Collector.

I'm not sure which side the Collector is on. They're on the side of chaos, I know that for a fact, but why were they begging for King to stay? Is Belos using the fact that the Collector is presumeably bound to him to his advantage? Since we all know Belos is a shitty, selfish person. I personally think that the Collector is a neutral party.

I really hope we get a Darius and Hunter reunion. I also really hope that Bump will take Hunter as if he's his own student. I want to see Hunter and Luz coping with what they saw in Hollow Mind together, since that shit messed both of them up. She finds out that she was part of the cause of everything, and he finds out that he he's just a clone. A grimwalker. Hunter doesn't even know that much about Grimwalkers, and so after he settled down in Hexside, he started reading about them. Sad, really. I want them all to get some therapy, Steve said he knows a really good one.

Also, Steve's face reveal? That... was so strange. Like he is so adorable?? Like the horn??? And the hair?? AND THE FACE???? I like women but DAMN does he look mighty fine.

My brain juice hurts. I've been sat in a spot on my bed for an hour theorizing. I'm gonna stop it here. If you have any other theories, comment please!!

Belos after creating his first Grimwalker:

[afterglowisbliss]

Cutting away the dread

Levi x Fem!Reader

This story contains: Mentions of death, rapid weight loss, mentions of sexual harassment (it is not over the top, but just in case I will put the warning here)

"Hey" you jump at the stern voice, nearly dropping your tea in the process. "It's been quite some time, Y/n. I almost couldn't recognise you with that long hair" the voice teased while flicking your long locks. That's right, you've been letting yourself go. The unkept hair and dark circles under your eyes were a dead giveaway that you weren't doing so good.

You're usually good at hiding your problems and emotions. It's the scouts way. The longer you practise, the more you master the skill of being numb.

"Hey Levi, it has been quite awhile, huh..." you responded in a soft tone. While the other scouts walked on eggshells around Levi, you were free to talk any way you wanted. He wouldn't even get angry. Annoyed at times if you crossed a line, but never angry. He almost never made any snide remarks towards you either. He had a soft spot for you. You were his weakness. Anyone who dared to hurt or mess with you would feel the wrath of THE Levi Ackerman. An example being when you and Levi were walking together to buy SOME tea when a man put his arm around your waist. "How much will it be, lovely lady" he snickered. You were visibly uncomfortable but before you could react Levi had already taken care of it. Knocked out cold on ground with wide eyes looking our direction from innocent bystanders. "It'll cost your life, you filthy shit" Levi hissed. He grabbed your hand and immediately took you back to HQ in fear someone else might try their luck.

While you weren't too sure why you were 'the chosen one' you never really questioned it. You just went along with his kindness and soft attitude towards you. Perhaps it was because he was aware you could dive deep into his soul and discover everything about him without even trying. Maybe that intimidated him. You were always one to read people like a book. He would often mock you calling you a stalker with how well you knew people without much information about their lives being shared. That's where you and Levi contrast. While he might not show it, he's caring, emotional and protective. However, despite that he is far from a people person. He doesn't read people the way you do.

It had been three months since it happened. The guilt still weighing over you as if a titan was sitting on you. You could still see his face. He was begging for your help and crying for his mom. His final moments being in the disgusting mouth of a titan and all you could do was run away.

Run away... Just like all of your problems...

Levi rests his hand on your shoulder. Despite his cold demeanor he was actually warm. Physically. You knew this due to all the times he's carried you away from danger, or when he would grab your hand when you would freak out. Or even when he would slightly move you out of his way with his hands on your shoulders. His body heat was comforting and you found yourself gravitating towards Levi when you were in a room together. This is also where you and Levi contrast. You are more warm hearted on the outside, yet your body temperature is almost abnormally cold all the time. Yet even with your icy hands on Levi's he never flinched. Almost as if both your temperatures balanced each others.

"Have you... Have you been feeling any better?" he was gentle approaching the subject. He took a seat across from you. This was when he first noticed your unkept appearance. You looked frighteningly skinnier. Cheeks that used to be full and puffy were much more hollow. He knew you were brokent in which return broke him.

You try look into his dark grey eyes attempting to answer his question. As you open your mouth you immediately close it again. Your lips started quivering and your eyes started to tear up. Embarrassed you look away, hair covering your face. Your start to aggressively squeez your left hand with your right as all the emotion starts to build up. You never cried in front of anyone, not even Levi. This time you simply couldn't keep it in anymore.

"Y/n... Look at me" he asserted. When you refused he took your chin between his thumb and index finger and brought your face level to his. He parted your hair out of your face and gently tucked it behind your ear. "Y/n, please look at me" he pleaded. He sounded desperate and wooful. He couldn't bare the sight of the people he cared about in pain. It was one of the only things that could completely soften Levi.

The desperation in his voice convinced you to look up at him. He is met with your beautiful yet sorrowful eyes. "I'm sorry, Levi" you sniffed followed by a deep breath in. "No. I haven't. Every attempt I make to be productive... Every attempt I make to go outside I think of him. He was so innocent. I promised. I promised I would keep him safe. I told him... I told him he was safe with me" you grieved. "I made a promise only to watch him die! I'm a shitty person, he begged me, Levi! HE BEGGED ME TO HELP HIM BECAUSE I PROMISED HIM THAT I WOULD, BUT INSTEAD I TURNED MY BACK ON HIM. AN INNOCENT CHILD" you wailed breaking down into tears grabbing onto Levi's shirt. He embraced you, pulling you closer to his chest as you sniffle and cry, wetting his shirt with your tears.

"You're not a shitty person, Y/n. You couldn't save him because if you did hundreds of others would've died in his place. I know it's hard to accept the death of someone you promised to keep safe, we have all been there, but you have to understand that letting someone go is a part of life. It's inevitable. Whether it was in that moment or 20 years from now, you would've had to have said goodbye eventually." he reassures. You stop crying for a moment to think about Levi's words. It's true what he said. We all eventually have to say goodbye to the ones we care about.

"Tell me, Y/n, did you directly promise him you would keep him safe?" he questioned. When you thought about that day, the answer was clear. "I-I told him I would try my best to keep him safe..." you mumbled. "So it's clear now. You did follow through with your promise. You tried your best to keep him safe. Now all that is left for us to do is to make sure he didn't die in vein." Levi added pulling you away from his chest to make eye contact with you once again.

You wipe the tears of your face and mod in agreement. There is no point grieving for the rest of your life over something you couldn't control. All that was left for you now was to make sure his death meant something.

"Levi..." your voice is haorse and strained from all the crying. "Can I ask you a favour?" you request followed by a confused Levi who isn't used to you asking for favours. "Can you please cut my hair?" you innocently ask and your cheeks start to heat up. Its an odd question to ask a Captain. "It's just that... My hair is getting too long for odm gear and I don't like to tie up my hair" you explain further hoping to persuade Levi into cutting your hair for you. "Go wet your hair for me" he commands while getting up from his seat to get the scissors. A slight smile creeps up onto your face. That's the first time that's happened in awhile.

You do as he says wetting your hair with lukewarm water. Once you're all done you look around for a comb to quickly get rid of any knots that might get in the way. "Don't worry I'll comb your hair for you" Levi assures and motions for you to sit down on the chair in from of him.

You sit with your legs crossed, hands fiddling with the gem of your shirt while Levi gently combs through your your hair. It reached just 2 inches away from your shoulder which to you, was quite long considering the length you usually keep it at.

Levi strokes your hair feeling for any missed knots. "How short would you like it?" he asks preparing the scissors in his hand. You take a moment to ponder on the question. How short would you like it?

"a pixie cut" you reply with confidence. It's a bold decision considering you've never tried it before.

"Are you sure? You've never-" "I'm sure" you cut him off. He sighs before commenting on your boldness, "Always one to try new things huh." You chuckle. He wasn't wrong.

Snip, snip, snip

You feel your hair fall first onto you, then onto the ground. You watch as the hair slightly moves with the wind sneaking in from the window that won't close properly. The whole scene feeling very calming and relaxing. The sound of scissors cutting hair was oddly satisfying.

Before you knew it he was done. He sets the pair of scissors down on the table behind him and rests his left hand on your shoulder. "what do you think?" he asks. You open your eyes to look right at a mirror hanging on the wall in front of you. Your eyes widen in shock. It actually looks nice.

"I think it suits you" Levi adds before walking to the other side of the room to get a broom. "Thank you, Levi" you say grabbing his forearm and pulling him into an embrace.

Levi isn't the biggest fan of physical affection but let it slide when it came to you. "Anytime, Y/n."

[heybeybey]

and it was your heart on the line

Rating: Explicit

Genre: Angst/Romance

Pairing: Rivetra | Levi x Petra

Word Count: 8,706

Summary: Turns out, it wasn't a request. It was an order. If he denies again, then it's an ultimatum. Pressured to continue the Ackerman line, Levi is forced to choose between his commitment to giving meaning to his comrades' deaths or sacrificing the future of the woman who have always been devoted to him.

(Anon Ask | AO3 Link)

(It's also Smutty Saturday so here, have smut + ANGST. MOSTLY ANGST THO)

It's been a month since he learned about his true relation to Kenny.

Two weeks since he, Hange and Erwin traced his Ackerman ancestry.

A week since they found out what his last name means and how inhuman his strength truly is.

And two days since he received that fucking memo.

Captain Levi Ackerman,

We were recently made aware of the extent of your capabilities. After much discussion in the court, we believe that you will be doing humanity a great service by continuing the Ackerman line.

We look forward to your cooperation.

A great service his ass.

A few days ago, he, Erwin and Hange found out that the Ackerman line used to be the bodyguards of the royal family in the past and that the reason why they were so skilled is because they are titans in human form. They were then persecuted for shit knows what and the whole clan scattered throughout the walls in the past hundred years.

It also turns out that this ability is accessible to all Ackermans. They haven't found out if it's automatically passed down but Levi noted that there was a time when he felt something jolt in him when faced in a life or death situation (which was almost a daily basis for him back in the Underground).

Now, they want to reinstate the line to help the military progress.

The way Levi sees it, the government basically wants him to breed as if he's a cow in a nobleman's farm.

Levi ignores the memo for the next few days and when they sent a follow up for his reply, he didn't hesitate in telling them to fuck off. That's when things went south.

Turns out, it wasn't a request. It was an order. If he denies again, then it's an ultimatum.

They argued that the captain's citizenship above ground is tethered to his role in the Scouts. Denying this request would be taken as an act of insubordination, no matter how much Erwin forgives the said "offense". Moreover, it's an insult to the crown.

The greedy fucks from the top brass gave him two weeks or he'll be kicked back down to the Underground. Since he's the only known Ackerman, he can't push this responsibility on someone else's plate.

- - -

Only his Special Operations team were made aware of the situation. Erwin said that his squad deserves to know why their captain might be out of commission for at least a week... or why he'd possibly be kicked out of the scouts soon.

Levi silently took in the horror on their faces when he broke the news.

"Captain, are they even allowed to do that?"

"That's just... sick."

"Maybe there's a way to delay it for a few more years, sir?"

The only one who didn't speak up was Petra. She just watched the four men converse, with Levi and Eld discussing what the next steps are in case the captain will be leaving the scouts.

The thought leaves a bitter taste in all of their mouths. Survey Corps without Captain Levi? They can only see their success rates getting knocked down further. At the same time, they also don't know which decision to support, knowing that the captain will be sacrificing himself either way.

- - -

Petra has been spacing out since that day. Sometimes, her squad needed to snap her out of it during trainings. She'd been a total recluse, rarely joining them at the dining table during their morning coffee. She'd still bring the captain's tea late at night but other than that, she looks more like a ghost floating around in their squad's side of the floor. They think it's heartbreak since her admiration for the captain is already an open secret between the five of them. No one would've even imagined what she was planning.

She was able to snap herself out of it two days after, and now she's barging into Commander Erwin's office during lunch time.

"Commander Erwin, there must be another way," Petra pleads. She rarely goes to Erwin's office alone and if she's here right now, the captain must've not been aware that his subordinate would approach this topic straight with the commander.

Erwin sighs. "Ms. Ral, I appreciate your concern for the captain. Believe me, I've personally reached out to Zackley regarding this. There's nothing much I can do. I've already swayed Levi's citizenship to our favor once."

It also doesn't help that the government sees the Scouts as the most useless of all three military branches. Learning about how powerful Levi truly is was the only thing that reignited their belief in their regiment after five consecutive failed expeditions and thousands of coins wasted.

The commander looks at Petra and he can tell from her face that the gears are turning in her head. He frowns, having an inkling of what her next words will be. Erwin knows how loyal Petra is to her captain. It's something that the commander himself leveraged and exploited during expeditions.

"Would... if I do it, will that...?"

Erwin's face softens, meeting her eyes in concern. If they were to ask for his opinion as commander, it would be a waste if they allow Petra to take the responsibility. She's one of the best soldiers in the corps and her ability to sync with any team they place her in was an asset that you wouldn't find in any other soldier.

But as Levi's friend, he'd rather not order the captain around when it comes to this matter. The part of him who's committed to humanity's survival knows what the right answer is to Levi's situation, and he knows the captain will choose what will always be best for his soldiers.

"Petra, you know that Levi wouldn't allow it."

"But does it even matter what we think anymore? Commander, they're going to take the captain away from us."

Erwin is quiet for a moment, careful eyes assessing how serious Petra truly is. "Are you sure about this Petra?"

"You know I'll do anything for our cause." Adamant and unwavering. Levi chose well.

Erwin nods. "I'll talk to Zackley what it will mean if the captain chooses a subordinate instead of a commoner. Normally, sleeping with your commanding officer would lead to a dishonourable discharge."

Petra flinches at that.

"But... we can all agree that this is a different case."

- - -

Petra comes to Levi that night. At first, he just assumed it's their usual evening tea time.

"I-I talked to Commander Erwin this morning," she starts, setting down his tea on the desk. He glances back at her for a moment before turning back to his paperwork.

"What about?" Levi said. "You do know that if you have a concern, you can also tell me. I'm the one responsible for you."

"It's not a concern," she replies quickly. "Well... it is but-"

Her hesitance finally stops him. "Since when have you held back whenever we have tea together, Petra?"

"Captain... I-I can..."

He doesn't turn his chair around, waiting for Petra to speak.

"I'm saying that if it will greatly serve humanity, I'm willing to have-," she gulps, pushing the fear from her face to look at him determinedly. "I'm willing to be the one to help you continue the Ackerman bloodline."

Levi's grateful his back was turned. If it wasn't, Petra would've seen how his slanted eyes widened with horror and concern at her words. He feels a headache starting to come along, and he schools his face before finally turning around, assessing hers. His heart fell when he finds that she somehow looks both determined and scared at the same time.

"No."

Petra deflates a little bit at that, seemingly both relieved and hurt from the rejection.

"Please captain, I don't want you to be forced out of the Survey Corps. The scouts need you. I-" She cuts herself off at that, but her silence was loud. He'd known for a while now the depth of Petra's devotion.

"Petra, are you even aware of what you're offering?"

"Of course I know!" She snaps, so unlike her to disrespect her captain outright. "Captain, I wouldn't have offered myself if I'm not aware of what I'll be giving up."

"Then you're fucking stupid for even wanting to go through with this. We don't even know how many they're demanding from me."

He stands up from his chair and grabs her upper arm in a bruising grip, almost desperate to get his point across. "You'll be forced to leave the Scouts, give up your career to take care of a-"

It's rare for him to be speechless, and he finds that the word baby can't even pass through his mouth these days.

"Sir, I just want to help..." Petra says quietly, gaze averted.

"This is not up for debate Petra." He looks at her coldly. "Leave."

"But captain-" He lets her arm go. Petra's expressive round eyes are starting to tear up.

"I said get out."

He watches her hurry out, trying to ignore the fact that she was furiously wiping her eyes as she leaves.

- - -

They went out for an expedition one morning and Levi was somewhat grateful for the distraction.

Reality only came crashing down on him again when he'd watched another soldier die. He seemed new and young, looking more like a cadet than an actual soldier. Probably fresh out of the training corps but died way too soon because he chose the wrong regiment. If Levi remembers correctly, this was one of the newer scouts who had the guts to approach him with bright and eager eyes and asked for advice.

"What's your name?" Levi asks the soldier. He kneels down beside the younger man.

"E-Ethan, sir," the soldier rasps. Levi silently nods in acknowledgement. He looks up, finding Petra tending to a fatally injured scout. Eld and Gunther was assisting a female veteran who lost a leg. He can't seem to find Oluo anywhere.

"C-Captain..." Ethan struggles with his words and Levi can see how his gaze is starting to lose focus.

"I'll avenge your sacrifice, Ethan." Levi says as he holds the young boy's bloody hand, hearing him take his last breath. "I promise you that."

Levi apologizes to Petra in his own way as they wrap up the expedition. He approaches her as she was about to mount her horse.

"Petra." She looks to him with teary eyes. She does this after every expedition, crying for all the fallen soldiers as her own way of commemorating their sacrifice.

"Yes, sir?" she replies in a gentle voice, as if he didn't just make her cry two nights before.

Levi hands her a white handkerchief. "Here."

She blinks up at him for a bit but accepts his offer. He never says sorry outright, but he and Petra have always had this way of communicating where words aren't needed to be said.

They were running out of time. Levi tried to take his mind off the problem by training until his own body gives up on him. A huge part of him have already accepted that he'll be marched back down to that shithole by the end of the week.

Hell, he already packed up the limited possessions that he has.

"Levi, you know this is for the scouts. Losing you would mean losing a battalion for the Survey Corps," Erwin argued.

"Are you asking me to force a woman to become the government's baby making machine?" Levi snaps. "Because that's sick as fuck Erwin!"

Hange told him once that there was a major decrease in the scouts' death toll since he joined. Levi didn't want to believe at first that a single soldier was enough to make that much of a difference, but Hange's numbers was more than enough proof. Since he joined, they didn't need to send 10 men on a dangerous mission when a single soldier can do all the dirty work and still live.

Erwin pointed out that many would jump at the opportunity to lie with humanity's strongest. Levi just wanted to vomit at the title.

How can something that used to boost his soldiers' morale now turn into a fucked up ultimatum that preyed on his commitment to making his comrades' deaths matter?

He supposes that there are other women. He can even just detach himself from the whole situation after the woman gets pregnant and let her raise the kid.

But Levi has an intimate relationship with abandonment. Of being used and treated as nothing more than just a tool. It was all he knew growing up with gangs in the underground, and eventually in the corps as comrades die and his strength used to the regiment's advantage.

He's not that big of a piece of shit as to use someone and leave a child fatherless until they come of age to become a soldier. If he was going to have a kid, he'd make sure that they at least have a good childhood to compensate for all the shit they'd be pressured in. He'd want to be there every time he leaves the walls—not as a captain commanding his soldier but as a father ensuring his child's safety.

Levi also feels sick at the thought of just bedding anyone. Whenever he thinks of this option, his mind would take him back to a dark closet, deep in the underground, where he'd hide as his mother takes on another client. He'd be no better than the men who he watched come and go from his mother's room in the brothel, leaving her crying and filthy once they're done. It feels as if he'd be disrespecting her memory this way. Spitting on his mother's grave would've been more respectful than this.

The only other option is to drag the woman he'd been secretly throwing longing looks at, so willing and devoted, down with him.

- - -

The night before the government will come knocking on their doors, Petra came to his office again.

"You're up for promotion." This was his last resort.

If she accepts, then he'll be leaving tomorrow for the underground. He doesn't really know which outcome to hope for.

Levi doesn't give her the chance to reply, silently handing her a folder. He wants her to understand the gravity of this situation. Of how much of a double-edged sword her devotion truly is.

"I've already signed it and Erwin's just waiting for you to accept before he approves. We'll be raising your rank, complete with a 25% salary increase. You're still in the Special Ops, but now with the opportunity to command your own team outside of our missions, or whenever Erwin and I see it fit during an expedition. This is a step closer to fully becoming a squad leader two or three years from now."

Petra sighs and shakes her head at that. She didn't even hesitate as she takes away the folder from his hand and sets it down on his office table.

"Please, Captain." Petra pleads, hand moving to delicately hold his. "The scouts need you."

The face of the soldier who died yesterday, (Ethan, he corrects himself) flashes on his mind. Levi's promise to the young man rings phantomly in his ears.

I'll avenge your sacrifice, I promise you that.

Levi surrenders.

- - -

"Captain?" Petra removed the last button of her uniform, her eyes on the floor, leaving her in only her cotton underwear. He watches her while he sits on the edge of the bed, eyes taking in her every move as she shrugs off all her clothing.

"Call me Levi," he corrects her. "Please."

"Levi..." She closes the gap between them, climbing on the bed and reaching out a hand to cup his face to help him relax. Petra gives him a shy smile when he leans closer to her touch, while he settles a hand at the small of her back. She leans forward, kissing his jaw and sliding her hand down to his chest to feel the quick drum of his heartbeat. "It's okay, Levi. I trust you."

Petra settles herself on his lap and gently turns his face up to hers, giving him a chaste kiss on the lips. His hands trail up her upper arms and she involuntarily shivered when he cups her cheeks to deepen the kiss. Emboldened by how receptive she is of his touch, Levi trails his mouth from her lips to her cheek, gradually making his way down to her neck.

Petra's eyes are closed, biting on her lower lip. She tangles a hand against his hair to pull him closer, encouraging him further. He feels himself getting hard fast when she aligns the heat of her core against his.

"Do you want me to turn off the lights?" She asks, testing the waters by grinding down on him. He shakes his head no, tucking a ginger strand of hair behind her ear. The last thing he needs is to feel like this is a casual romp with a stranger. He wants to know it's her.

He runs his hands against her bare thighs before twisting their bodies around so she'd end up laying back on his bed. She gave a quiet huff at the impact, but Levi was quick to lean down and kiss her intensely. He fears he might come faster than they need him to if she continues bucking against him and they need to pace themselves.

Levi plans to worship Petra tonight, because she deserves nothing less. He looks down at her and meets her eyes for a bit before he's trailing down kisses throughout her body. When he's closer to her chest area, Petra removes her bra off for him and his throat goes dry at the sight. She looks up at Levi with half-lidded eyes, guiding his hands to knead her breasts. The captain doesn't waste time, groping then leaning down to swirl his tongue over a nipple before tending to the other.

Petra whimpers with his every touch. When he makes a bold move to slip his hand down her panties, that's when she gives a low moan.

"Is this okay?" he asks quietly and Petra nods. He starts to massage her clit, feeling her core starting to dampen as his strokes become more intentional.

He soon replaces his fingers with this tongue, earning him a keening sound from the woman below him. Levi only pulls away when he's satisfied at how much of a dazed mess Petra is, hands gripping his black hair to stabilize herself. He levels himself again with her and Petra latches her mouth against him, once again grinding her naked pussy against his cock, still clothed in his pants.

They've both lost the initial shyness and hesitation from earlier on, now both driven by their eagerness to push their pleasure further. He's hard by this point, feeling the dampness and heat between her thighs through his clothed lower regions. Petra continues to grind herself against him and Levi gets harder at the thought of how she's fully naked and vulnerable below him. She desperately bucks up against his hips, delicate but scarred hands reaching down to finally start unbuckling his pants.

He allows her to shrug off his pants while he removes his white undershirt, towering over her. Petra watches him take off his top with a primal look in her eyes, sitting up and reaching out to pass her hands against the lines of his firm abdomen. Her eyes flares up at the sight of his cock, hand reaching out to touch before Levi grabs her wrist.

"I won't be able to last long if you do that." He says. Petra understands, opening her legs further instead to allow him in.

He positions himself between her thighs and looks at her one last time, making sure there's no doubt on her face. Petra, being the fucking amazing woman that she is, only nods at him with a small reassuring smile.

Levi grunts at how deliciously tight she is when he finally enters her, while Petra's arms found its way around his back to cling to him. It proves to be a struggle because her wet walls squeezes around him and he finds it hard to pull his head out of the pleasurable haze. He tries to pace himself, giving them both enough time to adjust to the feeling. When he feels Petra's hips slightly bucking up as if to egg him on, that's when he starts to move.

It was heaven and hell at the same time. For a second or two, he'd like to believe that this is a moment built on months of romancing and awkward dates. He lets his mind wander away from what it actually is—a task, a burden placed on his shoulders for an ability he never even asked for. And he dragged the bravest and most capable woman he knows down with him, willing as she may be.

"Harder, Levi," she breathes out on his ear, snapping his head from spiralling down in self-hatred at their situation.

Levi gives into her wishes, bracing himself by leaning down and pulling her hips closer. He starts to work towards an almost bruising pace, wanting to find a good balance between pleasure and pain for her. Her arms are encircled around him, hands running up and down the hard muscles on his back. Levi looks at the way Petra's breasts bounce with every snap of his hips, mesmerized. Her mouth was open in an o-shape, eyes unfocused as she surrenders to the heat of the moment, cheeks flushed, nipples continuously grazing against his chest with every thrust.

"Yes yes yes," she breathlessly chants. "Fuck me, Levi."

He'd dreamed of Petra like this in the past. But as her commanding officer, all he could really do is lock away those depraved thoughts and quietly steam in lust over his ginger subordinate. Being with her right now couldn't even compare to the nights he jacked off to the thought of her.

He can already tell that Petra's close with the way she's clenching him. Her pants are more desperate now and she bites on his shoulder blade as she reaches her own climax, and he eventually feels her hold on him slacken. Tired and pleased, Petra allows her head to fall back on the pillow and takes in his face to watch the emotions passing through his face.

The feel of her wet core clenching around him was more than enough to edge him closer towards his limit. The rhythm of his thrusts starts to stutter, his primal need to reach release urging him forward.

Petra starts moaning again, turned on at his uncontrollable lust. He waits until she eventually comes again, watching her fall tiredly on the bed, before allowing himself to let go.

One thrust, two, and then they tip past the point of no return. Petra makes a low noise once he comes inside her, her hips rising to meet his final thrust. Lost in pleasure, Levi had to grip hard on the bed frame above her to compose himself. Petra holds his gaze—a mix of adoration and desperation—through it all.

They both pant from the thrill of their coupling and Levi finally collapses on Petra. She pulls him close, allowing him to lay his head on her chest.

He didn't even know when he started crying. He only realized it when he felt Petra brushing away the tears silently running down his cheek with her thumb.

What kind of lowlife am I? Here he is, crying like a little shit when he was the one who'll be subjecting her to whatever hell that awaits them in the next few months. Female soldiers are normally allowed maternity leave but since his case is different, the higher ups demanded that at least one parent will see through the child's growth.

Everyone assumes that it wouldn't be the captain.

He didn't have to sacrifice his career and position. He doesn't need to sit around and nurture a living being inside him for almost a year. Petra will be the one who'll be taking the bulk of it all.

You're fucking selfish. You're a coward.

"I'm sorry," he whispers softly against her skin. He stays where he is, head laid on top of her bare chest and listening to the thump of her heart. Petra was just quiet for awhile, gently running her fingers through his jet-black hair as she stares up at the window and at the night sky.

"Levi... remember when you told us before to choose the choice that we'll regret the least?"

He doesn't answer back, not really knowing what to say at her hushed question.

"I chose this," Petra continues. "Because you going back to the Underground is the consequence that would kill me the most."

She gently tilts his head up so he can meet her eyes, her hand shaking from the barrage of emotion. Petra looks at his face, awe and adoration shining in her amber eyes as she traces a finger against the frown lines between his brows.

"You're a great man, Captain. I've never met someone who cares so much for his soldiers' lives more than you do." Petra continues. "I truly believe that you'll be the one who'll lead us outside these walls."

"I don't deserve you Petra."

She smiles sadly at that. "You have me either way, Levi. I'm here to stay."

- - -

The next nine months were... Well, they didn't even know how to describe it.

They decided to reveal it to their team on the first month of her pregnancy. That led to Eld's fist colliding with Levi's face. The biggest surprise was that the captain allowed his second-in-command to disrespect him in such a way.

"Eld, no!" Petra screamed.

"Captain, you told me before that you recruited Petra for her skills," Eld said. "I didn't know you'd be the type to take advantage of young girls!"

Levi understood where the younger man was coming from, knowing how Eld and Gunther treated Petra like a little sister. Oluo, on the other hand, just watched the exchange with a crestfallen look.

The guys only believed that Levi didn't force her into anything when they saw how Petra fretted over the captain's bruised face the whole afternoon. She'd constantly throw them a glare as she cups an ice pack on Levi's jaw and would constantly follow him around to make sure that he won't get attacked by the three guys. Not that they would even have the guts to attempt it, nor would the captain let it pass the second time around.

Frankly, Levi's grateful that he has a team who looks out for each other, even when they're not beyond the walls. That's one of the reasons why he trusts them. He doesn't know where he stands now as their captain and he knows these turn of events will greatly shift or even damage their squad's dynamics.

As the month comes to a close and with another mission beyond the walls in the works, Erwin pulled Petra out of all expeditions, much to the surprise of the other Scouts. Her role for the next three months were mostly to brief new recruits along with some clerical work before she closes this chapter of her life.

- - -

On the second month, they traveled to Karanese district to finally tell Petra's father. Levi had never met the man before, and the captain was quiet the whole way to her home town. If Petra didn't know better, she'd think that Levi's nervous.

The truth is that all he feels is guilt.

He knocked up the man's daughter and he was her commanding officer. What's worse is that they didn't do it because they were so hopelessly in love. Come to think of it, it would've been better if they chalked it up to them not being able to keep their hands off each other.

He'd be lucky if Petra's father doesn't assume that Levi just turned his daughter into a breeding stock.

"Petra!" The older man greets them. "Captain Levi, it's so nice to finally meet you. Petra told me a lot about you in her letters."

Levi takes a few moments to revel in the warm welcome, thinking that this day would probably end up in more heartbreak because of him.

"Mr. Ral." He accepts the man's handshake.

"Please, come in! I've prepared enough for the three of us. You're not allergic to anything, right captain?"

None of them mentioned just yet what they were there for and Levi was content just to hear Petra chatting excitedly with her father. Mr. Ral seems like a friendly man, and it's no wonder he ended up having a daughter who's such a sweetheart. The atmosphere in the room was light as father and daughter caught up on each other's lives.

Until Petra has to run to the bathroom to vomit.

He saw the rising concern on her father's face as they listen to Petra retching in the bathroom, and that whole five minutes of waiting for her to come back was absolute torture. Levi, for all his bravery when fighting titans, couldn't even meet the older man's eyes.

"Captain Levi, why are you really here?" Mr. Ral cautiously asks him.

The older man's face cracks when he finally learned the true nature of Petra's pregnancy. He couldn't look at Levi after that.

"Captain, I think you should leave." Mr. Ral says, voice cold that he couldn't believe that the warm welcome he received earlier on came from the same man. Levi didn't need to be told twice.

"Dad..."

Levi sighs as he stands up. "Thank you for the food, Mr. Ral."

"Dad, it's not his fault." Petra tries again as Levi moves to the door. "It's my decision. You know how Captain Levi is important to the Survey Corps."

"But why you, Petra?" Mr. Ral snaps. "You know, I was concerned when you told me that you were the only girl in his squad."

"Please, stop." Petra sobs.

"If I'd only known that I really did have a reason to be worried, I would've demanded you to come home."

Levi silently listens to the whole exchange from outside of the room, eyes downcast.

- - -

Petra signed her retirement on the third month. High from the mood swings brought on by the pregnancy, she cried and even hugged the commander. Erwin just awkwardly patted her head and told Petra that it might be best to let go now before Levi slices his hand off.

She also went to Mitras this month, meeting the people who forced Levi into this situation for the first time. Petra was shaking in anger as she walked inside the room, throwing the officials the dirtiest glare she could manage.

Petra didn't even bother to be respectful that whole afternoon as they brief her on what they expect from her, and what can or cannot be public information.

"I used to hope that the child won't inherit your glare but now I'm more scared to imagine if they got Ms. Ral's," Erwin whispered to Levi, watching as Petra backtalks another official.

Levi shrugs. "You haven't seen her when she gets too competitive during trainings."

On the same month, they ended up sleeping together without the goal of furthering the Ackerman bloodline.

They haven't touched each other since the doctor confirmed that Petra's already pregnant. Her every test was recorded and reported to the fuckers back at Mitras and that thought alone was enough to squeeze out the arousal in Levi's body.

Somehow, they found themselves making out in his office on this night.

"Why didn't we do this during our evening tea before?" Levi asked against her neck, peppering kisses on every inch of skin he can reach.

Petra laughs, elongating her neck further to give him access. "Gee, captain. I didn't know you wanted to be court-martialled so bad."

She's currently in civilian clothing since her last day with the scouts was yesterday. Her dress was easier to access and he'd long since unbuttoned the first few buttons that covered her breasts.

Fuck it, he thought as he moves away from his office chair and settles more comfortably on the couch, with Petra on his lap. He looks up at her, eyes alight in lust as he takes in her breasts spilling out of her dress, chest heaving and orange hair dishevelled. He hurriedly tries to unzip out of his own clothing, eagerly kissing her as she slides down his cock.

After a whole week of sex a few months ago, Levi thought he's already used to the feel of Petra around him. Egged on by their own baser instincts despite the situation, they fucked every chance they can get and it was the closest Levi had to a break. It would've been a blissful escapade if he didn't know any better, and the guilt would eat him raw every time he ejaculates inside her.

But for some reason, sex with her right now feels different. Still heated and pleasurable, because of course— it's Petra, but something has shifted between them. He feels lighter, freer.

He's careful as he bounces Petra above him, but still careful not to hurt her. Levi worships every part of her that he could reach without breaking away from the pace that they'd set, while Petra pulls against his hair and leaves her own marks on his chiseled skin.

It's the first time they had slept together without feeling as if someone's keeping a close eye on them.

This moment together is theirs.

- - -

They feel the baby move on the fourth month of her pregnancy.

Levi was the one who first felt it when he was laying his head on her lap. He was quietly reading a report while Petra was knitting a few socks when he felt a poke on the side of his head that was cozied up to her belly.

"Okay, stop it woman!" He scolds and sits up, thinking that she was messing with him. Levi pauses when he sees that Petra is tearing up.

"He kicked."

"What?"

"The baby." Levi's face slackens at that, eyes wide with wonder dropping to her tummy. She runs both hands over the skin, stops and smiles, before taking his wrist to place his own hand on one spot.

Sure enough, Levi did feel that faint poke. He lifts his other hand so he can place both on her belly. Emotion overwhelms him and he swallowed to keep himself at bay.

"Hey, kid."

On the fifth month, Levi was able to strong-arm the higher-ups to give him a goddamn house. Petra knows that this thought would continue to amuse her for years.

From what she heard from Erwin, Levi demanded that the child needs a nice place to grow up in. Since his salary wasn't worth shit despite his high rank in the scouts, it still would take him a long time to make a downpayment.

They approved the request and they moved in a few days shy of her sixth month. It was a simple house, complete with two floors and three bedrooms. One room in the first floor while another two above. Petra suggested that maybe the third bedroom can be his office but he refused.

"You're thinking of opening a pastry shop once the kid's here, right? You can use that space."

"Hmm... but that will still take some time." Petra answers, her voice taking on a teasing lilt. "Maybe we can use it to store all your brooms and cleaning solutions instead."

They once talked about what Petra plans to do once the child is born. Of course, most of her hours will be spent taking care of the baby but knowing Petra, she's not the type who'd sit around and rely on him for the rest of her life. They're still not sure if she'll be able to rejoin the scouts years from now, even when Levi tried telling her that maybe he can find a way to work around it the top brass' shitty conditions. They decided instead to focus more on what they can control now, and he suggested that he was able to save enough that they can use that as a capital for whatever she wanted to do.

As they were fixing their new house, Petra was also surprised that he was setting up his side on the master's bedroom.

Petra wanted to sleep beside him every night, of course. They've already been doing so since that first time they had sex after her pregnancy was confirmed. But Petra thought that it's just going to be her who will move in because the house was a good two hours away from the barracks, making it a hassle for Levi to go back and forth everyday. Petra tells him that she'd be alright with him only coming home for the weekends if it will save him a 4-hour commute every single day.

Levi brushed off her concerns and proceeded to set up the nursery room instead.

"Will a baby really give a fuck about all these colors?" He crudely asks, looking at all the paint palettes in his hand.

- - -

The sixth month was slightly harder. Petra thinks that it may be because the reality that she's now out of the Survey Corps, the one thing that gave meaning to her life for four years, is settling in on her.

Her closest friends in the scouts would visit her a few times every month. Hange's squad, sometimes accompanied by Nanaba, would drop by and Levi had to control Hange from turning Petra and his child into one of their experiments.

"Aww, Levi. I'm just trying to be a good aunt!"

"By trying to feed Petra one of your shitty concoctions?" He snaps back, taking the bottle with the godforsaken liquid as far away as he can from the mother of his child. Petra has to stop Levi from completely banning Hange from their home after that.

Eld, Oluo and Gunther visit her as much as they can.

"Wow, you look like a ball." Oluo blurts out when he sees Petra, earning him a slap at the back of his head from Gunther.

"Bozado, this is the reason why you still don't have a girlfriend." Eld said, smirking. "The captain has shittier social skills than you and he's now going to be a father. Up your game a bit."

Gunther grunts at Eld's quip, knowing that Oluo would take that differently. "Way to go Eld. As if the cravat's not worse enough."

Their visits make Petra feel as if it's just another morning in the barracks, except she now has a round belly. Gunther always asks about how she's feeling while Oluo would brag that he'd be the greatest uncle the kid will ever have. Eld indulges her in her cravings and always brings a basket of strawberries whenever the three of them visit.

She also learned that Levi never chose another scout to take over her place.

"Captain said that it doesn't really make a difference if he adds another member," Gunther informs Petra. "He screened a few. All of them ran away crying."

Oluo chuckles. "Remember when he screamed at them that they're all useless and would be good as titan shit on the next expedition?"

"Please, we all know he's just comparing all of them to Petra. Man's way too in love with you, Pet." Eld replies and Petra blushes.

"If you're done gossiping about me, you're all free to get your asses out here. It's late." Levi suddenly pipes up from the door. The three men shuts up, salutes and scrambles out after saying their goodbyes to Petra, along with promises to visit whenever they can.

"Welcome back," Petra greets, kissing him on the cheek.

"Did any of them give you trouble?"

"If anything, Oluo will give you more trouble." Petra giggles, having had a conversation with Levi about Oluo's tendency to imitate the captain. "He saw your parenting books by the way. I think he's setting up a budget so he can buy himself some."

Levi groans at that.

Through the months, she'd learned that bright little Nifa was recently selected to be transferred to Hange's team. Nanaba would share stories about her promotion to being second-in-command in Squad Mike. Oluo recently got a pay raise and he enthusiastically boasts that he more than deserved it, but Petra knows he's just overjoyed that it will now be enough to send his younger brother to university. Stories that are worth celebrating and Petra was all too eager to celebrate with all of them.

But when she's alone, she'd sometimes feel that time had stopped for her. She'd realize that this isn't just a simple pregnancy and she's not just on a maternity leave. At times when she really is down in the dumps, she'd bitterly question if the living being inside of her truly is worth calling a bundle of joy.

She'd shake that thought away as fast as it came, of course. She rubs circles around her rounded tummy as if to say a silent sorry to her child for even thinking of such a thing. Petra loves her and Levi's baby with all her heart. She doesn't regret any of it because this baby symbolises that Levi would continue making a difference in the scouts.

Still though, there were moments when Levi would come home and find her asleep with tear tracks on her face, hands clenching on her old green scout uniform.

- - -

She was seven months along when he first admitted that he's in love with her.

Well, he didn't admit it directly.

For someone who can easily throw an insult, Levi's shit at words. He made his love known and he didn't even say it to her.

He said it to her belly instead, and Petra almost died at how adorable it all is.

"Your mom's a handful, you know?" was the first thing Petra heard when consciousness starts to return back to her. Sometimes she'd fall asleep in the early evenings just before Levi comes back home. He'd let himself in on most days so that he won't disturb her slumber.

Hearing Levi talk to the baby wasn't something new for Petra. He started addressing her belly since the first time he felt the kid kick. Sometimes, he'd have (one-sided) conversations with her belly as if Petra wasn't even there. Hell, he was even more talkative to the unborn baby than when he's planning an expedition with their squad.

This was one of those moments.

Petra was about to pipe up and greet him a welcome back when he continued.

"If she wasn't the most reckless and beautiful woman I've ever met, I wouldn't have put up with all that shit she'd pulled." Petra's heart flutters. Levi rarely uses words of affection as his love language. He'd always made his feelings known through late night runs to resupply their strawberries just because she was craving them, or by offering to massage her swollen feet for someone who's a real clean freak.

"Don't tell your mom that I cursed." Levi continues as he settles down on the bed to rub her belly. "She'd have my head."

Levi must've been really tired if he didn't notice that she's already awake. He did mention this morning that Erwin was forcing him to catch up on a lot of paperwork the whole day. Still, Petra kept her eyes closed, wanting to hear what he says next.

"Did you know that there was this time when she broke formation to save a horse from being stepped on by a titan?" Levi said before murmuring to her belly: "I can't believe I'm in love with someone that crazy."

- - -

On the eight month, he proposed to her.

"Levi, you don't have to." She tells him, trying to stop the smile from beaming on her face. Her hand subconsciously goes to her round tummy, as if to share to the little one how his daddy can be so silly sometimes.

"Tch. What makes you think I 'have' to?" Levi says. "I want to. Now, tell me that at least you liked the ring because that cost me three years' worth of budget for our cleaning supplies."

He said it so nonchalantly but Petra can always tell whenever Levi is nervous deep down. She recently learned the truth about his past and she knows that the thought of a child of his being a bastard, the same way that he is, didn't sit right with him.

Petra gives him a peck on the cheek and presented her hand so that he can slide it on her ring finger.

"I love it."

- - -

On her ninth month, Levi requested a paternity leave the week she's due to give birth. It always amazes Petra how someone who seemed so cold can be such a great father before the child was even born.

"Are you sure?" she asks. "You won't get behind on work right? You've always been horrible at keeping up with paperwork."

"Don't get too full of yourself," he scoffs. "Just because you're not helping me anymore doesn't mean I can't get them done."

"I also don't trust our neighbours enough to take you to a clean hospital," he later adds.

Petra was excited because this means she gets Levi for a whole week. The last time they got this much time together she was still in the scouts. So she took full advantage of it, demanding that he take her out on a date.

"You won't reject your wonderful, bloated wife, would you?" Petra waddles over to him, asking him with puppy dog eyes.

"God, woman. Are you serious? What if your water broke while we're having dinner?" He snaps back.

"Come onnn. I've been stuck in this house for a week now!" She pouts. "You worry too much, Levi."

"No, I'm just not as reckless as you are." He tells with a hint of fondness in his voice.

- - -

Petra gives birth to a healthy baby boy on the 9th of June, and Levi spent the whole duration of the labor pacing outside her hospital room. His passive face doesn't reveal much since he looks like he was only frowning constantly. On the inside though, he feels his heart lurch every time he hears Petra scream in pain and exertion.

He can't remember how many nurses he'd snapped at. Some of them would even hurry away when he tried approaching them to ask Petra's condition. The head nurse was adamant he stay outside though, telling him that his wife is fine.

Hours later, they finally allowed him in and a nurse handed him a bundle. At first, he was confused because all he wanted to do was rush to his wife who's currently sweaty, tired and asleep on the bed.

It only dawned onto him that what he's holding is his child.

Levi's whole body freezes, and the first thing that came to mind is Kenny.

I'm going to be a shitty father, he thinks, mind spiralling down to the many ways for things to fuck up. I'm going to end up abandoning him and he'll hate me forever.

He was snapped out of his thoughts when the baby gave a gentle coo, eyes blinking open to reveal amber orbs. Levi stares down at his child and awkwardly reaches out a finger towards his face. His son immediately latches on to his skin, a tiny palm attempting to encircle around his finger, and Levi can feel a ghost of a smile forming on his face.

"Hi, brat." He sees from the corner of his eye that some of the nurses raise an eyebrow at that. He'd been talking to the kid for months now through Petra's belly and this is when he's speechless?

Petra wakes up to find her husband fighting back sleep on a chair beside her bed. His hands were wrapped protectively around what seems like a bundle of cloth and he's clutching it to his chest.

He snaps out of his drowsy state when he sees her eyes open. "You're awake."

Petra hums. "Is... is that him?"

Levi nods and Petra's eyes light up despite the exhaustion weighing them down. He moves to pass on the baby boy to her, leaving a kiss on her sweaty forehead before he sits back down on the chair. He's not surprised that Petra started tearing up.

"Oh, Levi... he's so beautiful." Petra leans down to pepper kisses on the child's sleeping face. "He looks just like you."

Levi had never felt peace like this for awhile. A sick and sad part of him feared that if he'll blink his eyes closed, all these will disappear once he opens them.

He received a congratulatory letter from Mitras that same evening, forwarded to him by Erwin.

"Who's it from?" Petra asks as she nurses their baby. She's glowing, and even though she's a sweaty mess right now, he can't help but think that this is the most beautiful state he'd seen her in.

"Nothing. Just some report from Eyebrows," Levi answers.

He threw the letter away without even reading. He'd rather not have his mood ruined right now.

- - -

"He's awake?" Levi groggily asks from their bed.

Petra nods, rocking little Theo in her arms. "I'm praying that he won't inherit his father's insomniac habits."

Levi sits up, opening his arms to quietly ask Petra to hand over the baby to him. "Go to sleep Petra. I'll take care of him."

His wife hums as her body hits the bed, cuddling closer to Levi who's currently sitting up against the bed frame. She throws an arm around his waist while he holds their 4-month-old child, attempting to rock him back to sleep. Little Theo's amber eyes just stares up at him, black hair tousled from all his fussing.

"Oi, kid. Let your mom rest." Levi pokes his button nose, earning him a cute little giggle from the baby. "I'm blaming you if she gets all grumpy on me tomorrow."

Petra lightly slaps his abdomen, a small smile on her face while her eyes remain closed.

Once his family settles down, with Petra now asleep and his son's eyes gradually getting drowsier as the minutes pass, he allows himself to drown in his thoughts. Having a son was both a joy and a sorrow at the same time.

Hange always teased him at how much of family man he's become, not expecting that a grumpy recluse like him who's willing to kick the asses of recruits would be so protective of his own little family. His motivation now during each expedition is just to come back as soon as he can to his wife and son.

He sometimes daydreams about leaving it all, packing everything up and leaving their home, his position in the scouts and finding the three of them a safe space to stay away from the military's demands and interests. Little Theo wouldn't end up getting pressured to join the Survey Corps or any other regiment once he comes of age and he and Petra can have another child or even two on their own terms.

For so long, his commitment to the scouts' cause has mostly been tied to the past, wanting to give meaning to his comrades' deaths. This is the first time he looked towards the future. For the first time, he's hopes for something—he hopes for a time when his son wouldn't even be forced to join the military, no matter how decorated the title they would give him. Now, he leaves for expeditions envisioning a future where they can go beyond these stuffy walls, where he can teach Theo how to ride a horse without the intention to prepare him for a mission. It's for a future where he'd teach his son to fight, just because the boy is curious and not because he needs to survive.

He doesn't know what little Theo's future will look like. For now, all Levi can do is protect his family.

[wreckofawriter]

The Not-So-Perfect Sister

Pairing: Sirius Black x potter!reader

Word Count: 4,442

Warnings: Under aged drinking, mentions of neglect, overall angsty

Summary: James Potters sister who had felt put of place her whole life finally breaks when Lily Evans arrives at her house.

A/n: I really like this one. Kinda angst but sweet. My inbox is open feel free to send in requests! Hope you guys like it too!

Being a Potter seemed like an easy gig to most people. The big house, nice family, a large amount of money, it definitely seemed like a piece of cake. And if your name is James then yes, yes it was. But if your name was y/n- or as most people called you James' sister -than no, no it wasn't. 

When you were eleven you had walked up to the chair and sat down with your eyes locked on your smiling brother. He was seated between his three best friends and practically glowing with excitement from the gold and red table.

The old hat was placed on your head and you could already the word that would flow from its leathery mouth. But to your surprise along with everyone else's in the large dining hall, not even a second after the hat landed on your y/h/c head it bellowed, "Slytherin!" 

The hall fell silent and your eyes, still on your brother went wide. James' on the other hand narrowed, his lips piercing to a thin line. 

You felt your heart break as your best friend turned away from you in disgust. And at eleven years old you had already been smashed to pieces by the person you loved most. 

Your parents had sent you a letter telling you it was alright to be in a different house but they didn't act like it was. When James joined the quidditch team they had cheered for him and came to as many games as they could. 

When you joined the Slytherin team as a keeper they had dismissed it with a wave of a hand and only came to your games when you happen to be playing Gryffindor. They were always adorned in yellow and red. 

They almost never sent you letters when James received one once a week. They would support James no matter what, but if you slipped up even once they would come down on you in a hail storm of fury.

By third year you stopped coming home over breaks, you would spend Christmas at Hogwarts alone. But summers were unavoidable. You would simply go home and hide in your room, only coming down stairs for meals which you eat in silence as you listened to your parents gush about James' achievements. 

When Sirius joined you in your fourth year, their fifth, your life went from bad to worse.

Sirius was an asshole. He always was and always will be. He was arrogant and stubborn, he was sure he was the best thing in the world and that he had everyone trapped under his finger. And watching him receive more love from your parents than you did made living under the same roof as the boy nearly impossible. 

What made it worse was the fact that he was irritatingly handsome. He was dashing and charming, somehow managing to make you hate him just to avoid feeling something else.  It made you sick that you even had thoughts of him in a positive way whatsoever. But even though you would never admit it, you did.

And now you had to welcome another one of your least favorite people into your life.

You hated Lily Evans. From the minute layed eyes on the girl you could feel a sickening loathing build up in you like a fire. With each overly sweet smile she threw and disgustingly soft laugh she uttered the larger that fire burned. 

It wasn't like she had ever done anything wrong to you. She was always nice when you passed in the hallways, she never picked on you or called you 'James' little sister' a term you had grown to hate. She was always kind to you, even when your brother was being a brat like usual. And that was one of the many reasons you hated her. 

She was perfect. It made you want to hurl. Her fiery red hair and emerald eyes. Her perfect grades and great scores. She was kind, brave, smart and cunning. She had it all. Plus your brother, who wouldn't even spare you a glance, trailed after her like a lost puppy. She was the physical embodiment of everything you hated. 

Of course now she was dating James which meant you had to put up with her bullshit even more than usual. 

You were downstairs making yourself a sandwich, when the doorbell rang. You rolled your eyes and walked to go open it. 

You swung the door open ready to shoo away some girl scouts when you came face with your worst nightmare.

"Hey y/n!" She smiled waving a bit. 

Your mouth dropped and eyes went wide before narrowing to slits and your mouth slamming shut into a scowl. 

You merely growled the word "Nope." Before slamming the door shut straight into her face. 

"Y/n! What the hell?" You turned your mood souring from bad to worse. 

"You deal with you preppy girlfriend James, I dont have the energy for her." You hissed. 

He simply rushed past you his shoulder hitting yours harshly as he passed and opened the door.

"Lily, I am so sorry for my sister is being an asshole again.." 

The rest of the conversation died out as you snatched your sandwich and darted upstairs. You quickly slammed into James room to meet Sirius, who was adorned in only a towel his black hair dripping wet. You ignored the sight and focused on the problem at hand.

"What the hell y/n?!" Sirius snapped, his face flushing. 

"Yeah what the hell!" You responded to worked up to care about his lack of clothing. 

Sirius shot you a confused look, his cheeks now a blazing red.

"Why is Evans here?!" You screeched. 

"Maybe because she's meeting her boyfriend's parents?" Sirius bellowed back, "Now get out!" 

You ran from the room slamming the door behind you and retreating from your safe haven. You stopped in your tracks when you saw your mother frantically attempting to clean your room. 

"Y/n!" She scolded, "Your room is a complete disaster!" 

"What are you doing in here?" You asked voice angry. 

"Lily is going to be sleeping in here so clean this place up!" She yelled motioning to your disaster of a room. 

Your fury strengthened, "I wont clean shit for that bitch." You growled. 

"Y/n!" Your mother gasped in disgust.

You left before she had a chance to say anything more. Your head pounded as you thundered down the steps not bothering to move in the slightest as your brother and his girlfriend ascended upward. You shouldered them roughly out of the way James protests fading in the back of your mind.

You ran for the door, grabbing your purse and shoes from the mudroom before sprinting onto the street. 

It had rained that night so everything was damp, causing your mitch-matched socks thin fabric to grow cold and wet. The scent of wet asphalt and dewy grass filled you helping to calm your nerves as you ran from your inevitable future. 

You knew that eventually you were going to have to go back to that house and deal with your mother and father and brother and his girlfriend and probably his best friend too. But you ignored that fact sitting on a bench to pull on your converse. You didn't bother to tie them. 

You then stood up and began to walk with no destination in mind. You walked for about an hour before you realized how hungry you are. You never got to eat that sandwich and breakfast was a distant memory. 

You quickly found a small coffee shop and walked inside enjoying the strong scent of the beverage it emitted. You ordered before plopping down at your table and staring helplessly out the window. You watched people move back and forth outside of the window feeling slightly like a tiger locked in a zoo behind the thick glass. You stared at the thick purple clouds that bruised the grey sky, ignoring who's eyes they reminded. You were so entranced with the scene in front of you, you didn't even notice that your food was placed in front of you until you turned to see it there, the sandwich slightly cold. 

You sighed, too hungry to discard the food put in front of you. You ate slowly, as if you were unsure if the meal was safe. You then turned your head back to the street to see a dark haired boy smirking back at you. You instantly stood, sprinting for the door. 

The idea of being brought back to that house made you want to hurl the sandwich you had just eaten. So you began to run not bothering to look back, your feet thundered on the wet cement of the sidewalk before you turned down an alley only to yelp when you were greeted by a bored looking Sirius Black. 

"Did you seriously think that you could outrun me." He questioned eyebrows raised.

"I could if you didn't use magic." You scoffed, attempting to shoulder past him and continue to the next street over. You were stopped when he grabbed you shoulder harshly. 

"Why the hell did you run?" He asked almost seeming worried. You quickly brushed off the thought. Sirius Black doesn't worry, much less about Slytherins. 

You hummed pretending to think, "Maybe because I don't want to deal with greasy haired asshole who is going to take me back to my living hell?" 

"Hey!" Sirius protested, clearly offended, "My hair is not greasy!" 

"You can not be serious." You sneered rolling your eyes. 

"I'm always sirius." He smiled back satisfied with his overused and unoriginal pun.

You resisted the urge to smack him. "Why did you come anyways?" 

"Your brother sent me." He shrugged, "plus we both know you don't want to walk all the way back to your house."

"Who said I was going back?" You challenged, eyes narrowing.

Sirius sighed, "You are going back weather you get on my bike yourself or I force you onto it." You glowered at him. 

"If I could you use magic I would wipe your ass all over the street." You threatened. 

"I know." He smiled, "that's why I'm happy you can't." 

"I'm not going." You decided planting your feet and crossing your arms, head held high.

Sirius let out a strenuous sigh clearly annoyed, "Come on." He whined, "Your brother said I had to bring you back." 

You pursered your lips, looking away from the boy. 

He groaned, "Are you fucking with me?" 

"Nope." You responded lips popping on the p. 

"You're really going to make me hex you?" He grumbled. 

You nodded making the boy let out another moan in protest before raising his wand and muttering "Rictusempra."

You immediately burst into giggles "You asshole." You spit out between laughs as a tickling sensation made you lose all other abilities. 

Sirius grabbed you throwing you over his shoulder like you were a doll. 

"I'm gonna kill you." You giggled unable to stop the laughter spurring from your mouth. 

"I'm so threatened." Sirius smirked back before plopping you down on his motorcycle and buckling his helmet on your y/h/c head. 

"Hold onto my waist, I don't want you to die." 

"Really?" You chucked, voice uncharacteristically high. 

"I'm on my way to changing my mind." He sighed sitting down trying to to flush as your arms hugged close to his waist your body shaking with giggles. 

He reversed the spell at the first stoplight you reached and then continued his way back to your house, your chest pressed to his back. When you pulled back up to your house it was growing dark out and you were beginning to question your entire existence. 

You groaned into Sirius leather jacket and banged your head onto his back. 

"Can we not going inside?" You asked hopefully, glancing at the house its windows glowing warmly, the door reminding you of an entrance to hell. 

"You got yourself into this one y/n/n, get yourself out." He shrugged before hopping off the motorcycle and snatching the helmet off your head. 

"Don't call me y/n/n and I didn't get myself into anything you guys are just all assholes." You spoke harshly.

"How was I possibly an asshole?" Sirius exclaimed. 

"Umm how about you hexed me and then forced me back to my house?" 

"I was helping you!" He yelled exasperated. 

"You were not!" You shot back, "You practically kidnapped me!" 

"You're impossible." Sirius scoffed at you before turning on his heel and heading inside. 

You scowled angry all over again before turning to face the house you knew you would have to walk into sooner or later. 

You paced back and forth for a second before biting your lip and walking slowly up your porch steps. You then slowly opened the door and slipped inside. You were greeted by the sound of laughter and the clatter of silverware. 

You poked your head cautiously around the corner to see your family seated for dinner. 

Sirius was serving himself some pasta while your mother talked to Lily and James messed with your dad. 

You felt your heart clench at how right it looked. The perfect son, the head boy and the quidditch star. The friend who needed help and received it, needing a family and getting one. And of course the perfect daughter. With red hair to match her robes and perfect grades. The head girl who would no doubt have an amazing life after school. 

You tried to imagine yourself at the table sitting in the empty seat, your head bent, staring at the food refusing to meet your parents eyes, your green shirt looking odd against the wave of red. The fact was that you didn't belong and never would. So you went upstairs snatched a blanket and a pillow and retreated to your basement. 

You plopped onto the couch and released a breath you didn't realize you were holding. You felt your eyes prick with tears as the image of the perfect family upstairs burned in your eyelids and you wanted to scream. 

You slammed your hands on to your closed eyelids, enjoying the pressure they provided, keeping tears behind them. Because the truth was as much as you hated your family you wanted nothing more than to be apart of it. You had spent your whole life attempting to get noticed, to simply be acknowledged as half the person they saw James as. But year after year you were left more and more broken. And now your parents fell in love with a girl they had known for only one night. It made you sick. Your hatred for Lily growing into a nightmarish beast. 

Your eyes popped open when you heard someone descending the stairs. You turned to see your brother leaning against the railing arms crossed eyebrows furrowed. 

"What do you want James?" You scoffed sitting up on your elbows. 

"What do I want?" James hissed, "I want to know why my sister is such a selfish prat." 

You sat all the way up glaring at your brother, "I'm the selfish one?" You glowered in disbelief. 

"Yeah, yeah you are." James spat. 

You stood walking to meet your brother, "How in bloody hell was I being selfish?!" You growled. 

"How about slamming the door in Lily's face, or I don't know swearing at mom or maybe calling my girlfriend a bitch before running off to fairyland?!"James was yelling now his voice echoing off the small room."Your damned lucky Sirius offered to find you because I'm done with it!"

You shook your head, "Sirius said you sent him to get me. He was lying?" You asked softly, You silently wished him to say that he wanted you back, that he had sent him, that he had wanted you here.

"Of course I didn't!" James shouted "Not everything is about you!"

You felt your heart crumpled. He hadn't wanted you back. Hell, he would have been happier if you had stayed gone. You willed yourself not to cry, so instead you laughed, a crazy demonic sound ripping from your throat and escaping your lips, "Your right James!" You screeched, "Not everything is about me!" Your fire full smile broke into a sneer, "It's all about you." 

James looked taken aback for a second guilt flashing momentarily into his dark eyes before being replaced with anger. 

"It's all about you. You and your perfect grades and your perfect friends." You could feel tears pricking at your eyes. "You and your quidditch bullshit, and your god damn bright fucking future!" You spat the words like venom from your mouth, "You and your bitchy girlfriend who's going to make the perfect little daughter in law!" You were now yelling your voice feeling raw as tears dripped off your chin. 

"Stop calling her a bitch!" James screamed back. 

Just then the door opened and Lily, Sirius and your parents came hurling down the stairs. 

"What in bloody hell is going on!" Sirus shouted but you ignored him. 

"I'm so sorry for calling shit as it is, your girlfriend is a bitch. B-I-T-C-H. BITCH!"  You wailed taking a step forward, you were now looking directly into your brothers eyes, just barley below him, less than a foot away. 

You saw his eyes burn, anger filling them, turning their dark brown pigment to black. 

And then he did something you would never imagine him to do in his life. 

James raised his hand and with one swift movement slapped you clean across the cheek

You heard a series or gasps and yells fall around you, your ears ringing slightly. You could feel where his hand had struck your skin, it was hot and thumping, a dull sting finding its home there. 

You slowly turned your head back to meet your brothers eyes which were now wide with surprise and guilt. 

You slowly removed the hand that had instinctively risen to your cheek and stared hurt and broken in front of your brother who's mouth had dropped open. 

"Y/n, oh my God I didn't-" 

"Rot in hell Potter." You spat your voice deep and dark. And with that you sprinted up the stairs. 

As you began to move the world resumed and everyone else began to take action as well.

You saw James stumble backwards Lily beginning to go to him but Sirius beating her to it and reaching the boy himself. You then heard him yell something you were too delirious to understand before a thud was heard followed closely by another shriek. You shouldered past your parents as you accented the stairs, the fact that they didn't even spare you a glance stung more than a slap ever could. 

For the second time that day you sprinted out onto the street, the crisp air hitting your hot face in a refreshing blow. You stumbled into the night ignoring your bare feet and chilled arms. You had no destination in mind as you sprinted down the sidewalk, you only had a location to get as far as possible from. You wished you had been thinking enough to grab your purse, you could have gone to a bus stop and left to Merlin knows where. 

You made it four blocks before one of your feet caught behind your heel and you were flung to the ground by the ever cruel gravity. 

Your hands hit the damp cement first followed directly by your chin causing you to bite roughly down on your lip. 

You didn't even bother to move debating weather living was even worth it. You could taste the blood in your mouth and feel it seeping from your hands as you lay unmoving under the buzzing streetlamp. 

You were pretty sure you would have lay on that sidewalk, your body shaking with sobs, blood slowly filling your mouth until you died if a strong pair of arms hadn't swept you up. 

You instinctively buried your head into the familiar musky scent as Sirius pulled you close to him. 

"Hey, hey you're okay." He mumbled quietly into your hair, smoothing it clumsily down as he pulled your head into his chest. "You're okay, I've got you." 

You sobbed uncontrollably into Sirius as he mumbled sweet nothings into your ear and held you close to him. 

"I-im sorry." You choked out eventually,  pulling away from the boy slightly. 

"What on earth are you sorry for love?" Sirius chuckled softly pushing the damp hair from your face. 

"I think I got your jacket wet." You muttered a soft smile darting onto your lips. 

Sirius let out a soft laugh, "You are ridiculous." His smile disappeared when he saw your lip.

"I'm okay." You muttered wiping the blood from you lips with a wince. 

"No your not." Sirius sighed quietly. 

He watched your face deflate and he realized that was probably the first time that someone hadn't let you lie to them. Hadn't let you hide behind the thick walls you had built. He called your bluff and it was unfamiliar and strange to you. 

"Why did you lie?" You asked quietly.

"About what?" The boy questioned, confused.

"James didn't send you. He told me."

Sirius flushed before shaking his head he definitely needed to change the subject, "James is an idiot." 

"He's your friend." You shrugged. 

"Yeah well I don't know if that's true anymore." 

You knotted your eyebrows, "Why's that?" 

Sirius sighed "I knocked him out." 

Your mouth dropped.

"If it was anyone else that hit you I would have killed them on the spot." He murmured.

You smiled slightly torn at the idea of your brother getting knocked out by his best friend. 

Sirius decided that you needed something desperately, the same thing he had needed when he left home. 

"Let's get you a drink." 

Your eyes rose to meet his a bit uncertain, before you nodded, "Please."

Sirius smiled as he pulled you to his motorcycle, lazily tucking the helmet onto your head and buckling it for you, his face dancing red at the proximity of your soft pink lips.

You walked into the bar Sirius at your arm. The two of you sat on the stools and Sirius used a bit of magic to order your drinks. 

He handed you a shot of vodka setting one in front of himself. 

You glanced down at the small glass then back up at Sirius before shrugging and raising swiftly to your lips. 

Sirius did the same laughing brightly when he saw your face scrunched in discomfort. 

"That was disgusting!" You coughed, laughing a bit, "Get me another one!" 

Sirius burst into laughter once again ordering you both another round, "This is the last one though, I don't want to have to take you home drunk." He said eyebrows raised. 

You smiled back, downing the second shot a bit more easily than the last, enjoying the warmth that twirled down your throat to your stomach. 

Sirius and you left, you a bit tipsy, him seemingly sober. 

"Let's get you home." He muttered smiling about at your beaten and battered form. 

Suddenly you broke free of him and stumbled backwards, catching yourself on the side of the building. 

"I don't want to go home." You pouted. 

"Sorry Y/n we have got to go back." Sirius sighed. 

"I'M NOT GOING BACK!" You yelled harshly, anger flowing through you. 

"Y/n/n come on it's not that bad, let's head back." Sirius sighed sympathetically. 

"I know your parents were shit Sirius, but at least they were terrible people!" You yelled. 

Sirius rose both eyebrows, "What?"

"Your parents were terrible people right?" You slurred a bit.

Sirius nodded.

"And they hated you because you weren't like them, you weren't s-somebody who would kill a-and hurt, so they hated you for being different. For being a good person." You rambled tears slowly falling from your cheeks.

"Y/n/n we seriously need to get you home." Sirius grumbled worriedly. 

"You're not listening to me!" You screeched taking a step back. 

Sirius stood unsure of what to do.

"My parents hate me for the same reason, because I'm different and I'm not like them." Your voice breaking mid sentence stabbing Sirius in the chest. 

"And because they are 'good people' and they are nice and kind and heros being different than them means I'm a terrible person." Tears now rolled coolly down your check leaving silver streaks in their wake. 

Sirius' face crumbled, "No, no, no. Y/n your not a terrible person, your a great person." He gushed rushing forward to capture you in his embrace. 

"Then why do they hate me?" You asked voice small and weak. 

"They don't hate you y/n. They love you." He mumbled softly one hand wrapping around your waist while the other gripped your head softly pulling you into him. 

You shook your head slowly afraid if you spoke anymore that your eyes would flood with tears once again. 

"Hey." Sirius murmured, causing your big y/e/c eyes to look up at him. "They love you, James loves you" 

You looked away from his stormy grey eyes tired of hearing lies. 

"Hey." He repeated bring your attention back to the storms resting behind his head. "I love you." 

His whisper resonated through the chilled air, like the final note of an orchestra, the strings still not unmoving. You stared at him in wonder. Then your stood on your toes and grabbed the back of his neck slowly pulling him toward you. 

Your lips connected in a sweet, salty kiss. The taste of blood and alcohol lingering between you. You felt his slightly chapped lips moved smoothly against yours making your heart flutter as your hand played with his dark locks, his own finding your waist and pulling you towards him. 

You pulled away softly gasping lightly for air as your noses brushed lightly. Sirius' own heavy breaths tickling your face as your foreheads leaned together. 

"I-I t-think I love you too Sirius." You fumbled lightly with your words. 

He simply responded by reconnecting your lips in a desperate kiss, savoring the metallic taste of blood mixed with the sharpness of alcohol. You tasted like a sin, his tongue dancing across your lips before they opened allowing it to slip inside. 

When you finally pulled away for the second time. You looked into his glassy storm filled eyes brushing his cheek gently with your thumb. 

"I need you." You whispered quietly into the night. And for the first time in a long time you felt loved.

Part 2

Masterlist

[guigz1-coldwar]

'Running on the roofs' : New chapter for "Redemption in a Spirit in a Cold War" is out !

"Running on the roofs"

Chapter Summary : Yirina is still struggling with her bad thoughts as her & Garrett are awaiting for the mission to happen....

To read it on AO3, click here !

Words : +3300

-----------------------------------------

After I called Park with Garrett's satellite phone, I stayed a bit in my room, trying to think that my presence in Cuba wasn't going to be very long and it's sure that tomorrow in the morning, we will be back at West-Berlin in the safehouse maybe next to Park in our common bed. Garrett has planned almost everything in here and since we know where is exactly Vargas, our little trip here is just going to be for today. I was still feeling mixed between sadness and happiness....first to be here....second to have talked to Park, it was the best thing I did in here.

Once I was able to calm myself down in the bed, I decided that it was time to leave my room to join Garrett in the small living room of the apartment, giving him back his phone and to finally get myself to work. Instead of staying all day in here to wait until we had to meet Garret's contact at that bar, we decided to make some scouting about where Vargas was living : an big apartment with at least enough place to have an lot of men at his charge. Since we didn't bring any big firepower in here, it will be Garrett's contact that will do the trick....must be someone well-placed to do that.....

There were an thing that astonished me during our walks in the city and I just saw it only at these moments : this place was like really back in time opposed to the West. All the cars, the clothes....it was like this place never left the 50's. It can mainly be explained by the US embargo on Cuba due to be the only communist regime in the whole America and frankly, it was very strange to discover some sort of a new world in here : I had a feeling to discover the 50s as an fully-growed adult.

However, there were no time to look at these details anymore as the night were starting to fall on the city, meaning that we had to go to the meeting point : the 'Montserrate Bar'. We arrived at the place at 9 PM and we installed ourselves in a discreet part of the bar, wanting us to keep an low profile as perfect looking westerners in a communist country.

"So, when will your contact arrive ?" I asked Garrett as I put my arms on the high table we installed ourselses, looking behind him in case my question could be quick answered.

"Maybe in 10 minutes, said he got something to take care of." He replied as he started to light up an cigarette before he proposed one to me. "Want one ?" I shook my head.

"Not for the moment." I gestured to him, raising slowly my hand to put the cigarette away. "I don't want to stress too much."

"Smoke is stressing you ?" He raised an eyebrow, confused.

"No, I didn't say that but it's just the place that is stressing me."  I confessed, looking at the bar around me. "I only want to deal with Vargas quickly and then, get away from here." I added in a low voice before looking back at him....my bad thoughts was just coming back in my head.

"You're still thinking of what happened to you here ?" I nodded to him.

"There's things I can't forget, Garrett." I affirmed, clear in my voice "What happened here is still in my mind, I can't forget." I continued

"Listen, we're gonna be quick here and those bad thoughts in you will fly away like that when we will be gone." He snapped his fingers, blowing smoke. He was trying to recomfort me but it couldn't work like that.

"No, it's not going to work like this." I exclaimed, holding my forehead with my left hand, arms on the table. "It's not just little bad thoughts."

"Shit, the tone of the voice means that it's damn serious." He told me, surprised.

"Of course it has to be !" I raised my voice against him but I quickly get it down, wanting to stay silent as people almost looked at me. "Someone I considered like an brother died in this country because of me." I whispered, sniffing and holding back my tears.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know." He was apologizing and I could understand, he wasn't aware of it before I had an thought in my head

"You...you want to know what happened that day ?" I asked him and frankly, I wasn't so sure of myself and my own words.

"Hm....Yirina, I'm not sure if it's a good idea." He bit his lips, looking at me with wide eyes, not okay with my idea.

"No, you might need to know why I'm like this." I said to him and I could see on his face that he realize that he had to know.

"Uhm....okay but...if you don't want to do this...."

"No, I will !" I cut him straight in his words, looking at him seriously. "Okay !" I breathed before I redressed myself standing up, ready to concentrate myself and then, I closed my eyes "It was 3 years ago....."

"RPG !" It was Lazar's voice yelling to me & Park as I was just getting hooked up to the ballon that was going to extract us from the complex Perseus used to hide an Greenlight asset. To be honest, his voice....I could feel the fear in it and the urge to run away from the place before we got blow up....They didn't have time to hook themselves to the ballon that the soldier who had the RPG fired and the rocket flied at our position.

I was sent away by the rocket's blast and the last thing I saw before I blacked out for an few instants was Park & Lazar flying above me in each one direction.....you understand ?....It was the last time I saw Lazar not hurt and not harmed. When I slowly opened my eyes, I could taste the blood in my own mouth, looking at the ground in pain as I was regaining consciousness of the fucking situation we were now.

When I looked up, I could see Park & Lazar on the ground wounded and they couldn't move at all, each one of them were hurt. Park....she couldn't feel her own legs and Lazar....a piece of metal was in his left leg, unable to move it at all...he was like paralyzed in place, handing his both hand to me & Park.

"Jess...I....can't....I can't feel my legs !" Park was sounding too hurt, she was looking at me with her face with cuts and open wounds on it. I breathed heavily as I was looking at her before I looked at Lazar.

"Help Park, Bell, quick !" He ordered me as he tried to remove the piece of metal in his leg. "Do it !" He asked me again as I slowly started to move to get to Park, him focused in removing that piece of metal.

"I'm....I'm here !" I whispered to Park as I arrived next to her, she was looking petrified at me, seeing me in that state and me too, looking at her. "It's okay..." I start to hook her with me, strapping her around my waist before she put her both arms around my neck.

"Lazar...."  Park's voice was sounding too low as she was looking to him before I did the same....He succeeded to remove the thing from his leg but he was still unable to move.

"Lazar, take my hand !" I handed over my hand to him and he was doing the same.....before we could hear the sound of an plane coming in.....the plane that was going to take us away....just nearly going to hit the ballon....and Lazar wasn't hooked to the ballon. "Lazar !" I shouted to him.

"Bell !" He started to breath loudly before he closed his eyes and then reopened it again....surely knowing that he wasn't going to make it out alive. "Promise me....take care of Park !" He exclaimed loudly to me.....before I could feel myself & Park getting off the ground, shouting Lazar's name as I saw him getting shot by Tropas....that was the last moment I saw him alive !

Take care of Park.....it was....his last words to me !

"Take care of Park..." I whispered to myself as I reopened my eyes in the bar, facing Garrett who was shocked to hear me talking about that event, he couldn't know how to feel right now as me....I was still hearing Lazar's voice asking me to fullfill his promise in my head....I didn't know how to feel right now....guilty ?

"Shit..." Garrett looked away from me, holding his cigarette in hand, he was certainly bewildered now, trying to keep his cool. "Yirina, I'm....I'm so sorry."

"It's my fault that he died, Garrett." I told him, taking back an normal voice, looking at him seriously. "I wasn't faster to save him." I sniffed. "I'm the one to blame in here....and to be honest, don't try to tell me that it wasn't my fault." I passed my hand through my hand & face, sort of ashamed of myself.

"Yirina, it's....." He stopped himself, looking troubled. "I know that you said it but it wasn't your fault." He affirmed to me but I wasn't listening like if I closed my ears....I'm the one to blame here...."Maybe I'm not the only one who told you this but it's true....it isn't your fault." I crossed my arms on the table, looking at it.

"Listen....let's...let's change the subject." I breathed, not looking at Garrett. "It's better, right ?" He nodded to me as I put my eyes on him again, just trying to remove the bad thoughts I just got back after reliving that.

"Yeah, it's better..." He replied before I looked behind him, seeing an hooded man enter the bar, having his eyes in all his directions before he put his eyes on Garrett himself.

"Think that your contact is here." I spoke to Garrett who turn his head around to look discreetly to verifly my claim.

"Yes, it's him." He told me, crushing his cigarette in the ashtray on the table between us as the hooded man arrived next to us with an friendly face. "Garcia !"

"Donovan, mi amigo !" The man exclaimed as the two shook hands in front of me. "The MI6 didn't send you here for vacations as you told me." He added, making me curious about how this 'concerned citizen' knew of Garrett MI6 status.

"Not about Vargas himself." Garrett finished to shook hands before he looked at me. "Oh, Garcia, she's Yirina Grigoriev, working also with the MI6." I handed over my hand with Garcia who agreed and we shook hands as well. "He's Mendo Garcia....working with the DGI."

"DGI ?" I asked, confused to Garrett, knowing that the DGI is the cuban organization for counter-espionage and to be sure, an rival to the West organizations.

"Even if we are maybe enemies, we can work well together !" Garcia exclaimed, making Garrett smile about it and me, doing the same thing but more a little one. "Besides, we all have an common enemy !"

"Anything new for Vargas ?" Garrett asked him.

"I was able to get the police close their eyes and ears for about 20 minutes, will be an large window for you to act." Garcia responded, tapping Garrett left shoulder. "As I promised you an favor an long time, I will help you with that." He added, surprised to hear Garcia saying that he will help us. "Follow me, it's time for us to go to work." He then start to walk away to get out of as we followed him.

It was time for us to get into action, to get this done very quick and then, be in our very way out of Cuba. We followed Garcia outside the bar with Garrett reassuring of Garcia's good motives before we arrived at, what I supposed to be Garcia's car, hidden from the public sight right next to Vargas hideout, he opened the trunk of it, revealing bulletproofs vest and also 3 guns with at least 4 four mags for each : a AK-74u, a MP5 and an Milano 821. I took the MP5 with me as Garrett took the Milano and Garcia the AK-74u

"Courtesy from the DGI !" Garcia scoffed as we put the bulletproof vest on top of our jacket.

"Can say that it's nice from you, Garcia." I told him as he smiled at me.

"The friends of my friends are my friend, mi amiga." He affirmed as he closed the trunk of the car with us fully prepared and armed in hidden sight from the civilians. "Come on, time for you to get Vargas." He loaded his gun before walking away in the direction of Vargas apartment with us behind him.

We arrived behind the apartment that was more looking like an house and by luck, there were an garden where we could infiltrate ourselves in. We jumped in it to discover Vargas, talking to some of his mens around an table, apparently drinking and laughing....an perfect occasion to strike and once we were ready, we opened fire to the inside, aiming mainly Vargas mens and not him directly. Unfortunately, as soon as we start to shoot that he was already running upstairs. We killed at least 8 guys with just mag each.

"Shit, he's running away !" Garrett yelled as he just saw starting to run from his cover.

"So, we're doing the same." I exclaimed as I entered the apartment very fast from the broken window we shot through, spanning over the dead bodies on my way before I started to get up the stairs, still aiming on top to not be surprised by someone. Garcia & Garrett was just behind me from up close.

We arrived on the first floor, realizing that Vargas was actually trying to flee away by taking the roofs of the building around us meaning that we had no choice to do the same as him. I was the first to step on the roof and I was greeted by an man who tried to knock me out with his own gun but I countered him, striking him first before taking his own knife to plant right under his chin and then, I got myself into cover as at least 2 guys were shooting us from behind some chimneys.

"They're blocking our way to get to Vargas." Garrett peaked his head from his cover as we were seeing Vargas fleeing away as his men were covering him. "We got to find a way."

"I know the place, amigo." Garcia said, reloading his gun "There's an way to get around them." He showed to us an open door just next to him and it was some sort of large corridor and when I tried to find the end of it, it was just leading just behind the covers Vargas mens

"Let me do it." I said, seeing the opportunity presenting itself. "Stay here, they still need to believe that we all here." I added before I moved quickly to get to Garcia's cover and then I entered rapidly inside the corridor, aiming forwards and advancing faster.

I arrived at the end until I was surprised by an third guy that was probably awaiting for me. I reacted quickly to avoid his punch before I headbutt the guy open and I took his pistol that was strapped at his jacket before realizing he had an grenade on it. So, I shot the guy in the chest before I removed the pin of the grenade and throwing the guy right behind the covers the other were using to shoot us. They didn't have one second to react that the grenade exploxed, making a lot of noises around as I put myself into cover from the explosion.

"Quick, he's getting away !" I shouted to Garcia and Garrett, gesturing them to follow me as I was starting to get up the roof before I realized that Vargas had arrived in an dead end with the next roof leading to nowhere except the void.

"Let's do this !" Garrett reloaded his gun with the last mag he had before he start to run with us.

We had to slide on the roof as the last men Vargas had was shooting at us during our little slide before we jumped off the roof, shooting to them....I was feeling like our moves was in slow motion as we were blasting with our guns in the skies, literally jumping over an street before we landed on the roof perfectly without a scratch, having neutralized every of Vargas men during our jump, dead or badly wounded as Garrett walked towards Vargas.

"Wait, we can...." Vargas tried to plead before Garrett punched him right into his face, making him fall on the ground.

"Yirina, he's yours." Garrett told me as he move away from him, getting next to an wounded guy, Garcia staying back from the scene as I moved to grab Vargas by the collar.

"Wait, you have rules....MI6 has rules !" Vargas spoke with Garrett, having recognized him or maybe because of our accent. I looked up to see Garrett, holding the wounded guy.

"Rules has changed, Vargas !" Garrett exclaimed before he literally throw the guy off the roof, making him land into an car.....as Garrett told me, Vargas's men deserved that fate and to be honest, we're showing them that sometimes, we don't stick to the rules.  "You killed british citizens." He added before he nod at me

"So, you better start talking because there's plenty of cars." I moved Vargas next to the edge of the roof, pointing at the multiple cars on the ground level.

"Ok, what do you want to know ?" He asked me, fear in his voice.....I thought that he was very thought but not here with us. "I'll tell everything."

"Russians guns, who's supplying them to Perseus ?" I questioned him, holding him by the collar.

"I don't know." He replied, scared and by that, I threw an punch at him.

"You told us that you would talk, so talk !" I affirmed, moving his head right above the edge.

"Ok....okay." He started, looking down. "It's a KGB officer based in Moscow who's doing this."

"Have an name ?" I asked him clearly as he start to breath loudly from having me on top of him. "Speak !" I prepared my hand, clenching it in case he didn't want to talk more

"Wait, I know...." He said loudly. "She's named Yirina Portnova !" Hearing that name and I could feel myself froze in place, my eyes going wide.....Portnova is still in Moscow ?....Does that mean that....I wasn't able to save her from Perseus ? I was still holding Vargas as these new thoughts came in me.

"You're kidding ?" I told him, almost angry.

"No, I swear it....she's named Yirina Portnova....been working with us since 1981 !" He affirmed before I decided to remove myself from him, having enough of him.

"I'm done with him." I said to Garrett as I helped Vargas to get up on his feets before I threw him into Garrett's direction who literally punched him again, making Vargas knocked out. "What now ?" I asked to Garrett

"We're going to get that guy out of the country to the MI6." He responded as he took his satellite phone he kept during all the fight. "You're okay ?" He saw me getting pale from hearing Portnova's name.

"Yeah, I'm good." I replied in a very low voice.

"Nice." He grinned at me before he looked at Garcia who was taking Vargas body on his shoulders.

"Come here, gringo." Garcia taunted the unconscious Vargas as he was taking him on his shoulders. "My british friends want to talk to you." He added as he was fully ready to get out of here with us as Garrett dialed an number on his phone and me....I was thinkful about Portnova, wondering of what could have happened to her after I maybe helped Zasha escape......

What happened to you, Portnova ?

[justanotherlifeff]

Levi Ackerman × reader

Genre: Angst, Hurt/comfort, Fluff, matured themes, slowburn

Warning: There's mentions and descriptions of underage rape and suicidal themes and self harm and other triggering stuff.

No one's POV

"Squad leader (Y/N)! The scouts are back! They retook wall Maria!", (Y/N) was woken by Diana's excited yelling. She barged into Levi's room, mud all over her shoes. (Y/N) woke up with a jolt and noticed it. "Levi will be pissed..." she thought but she didn't say anything to Diana. This wasn't the time for it. She knew that she had to see if Levi and Erwin returned safely or not. "Diana, saddle my horse. Fast" (Y/N) commanded Diana as she went to the bathroom to change out of her nightgown. She didn't take long to change and when she was done, she immediately ran for the stable, her heart fluttering with joy. They are back. They are successful. They are one step ahead for humanity's victory.

When (Y/N) reached the stable, Diana was done saddling the horse and (Y/N) immediately got on it and galloped for the walls. The fluttering feeling in her heart turned into an uncomfortable clench when she reached the wall. An elevator with nine people was coming down. An elevator can hold about twenty people. "Was that all the people who survived?" she thought, the uncomfortable feeling in her stomach increasing. The lift seemed to come down for eternity. "Are they dead?" (Y/N)'s mind whispered to herself. She had no idea what she would do without Levi. Without Erwin, her only family left. When the lift came down finally, (Y/N) felt like her heart stopped. At the front was Hanji, her eye bandaged. Behind her was Levi. (Y/N)'s eyes widened at the sight.

"No... This isn't happening..." her mind shouted. Levi noticed her on her horse and bowed his head. "He didn't protect Erwin..." (Y/N)'s mind whispered at her. Out of instinct, (Y/N) turned her horse and galloped towards the Survey corps headquarter, not stopping even when Levi shouted, "(Y/N)! Wait!" loudly.

(Y/N) went straight into Levi's office. She needed to know how Erwin died. She needed to know if Levi tried his best to save him. After what seemed like a lifetime later, Levi entered his office to find (Y/N) sitting on one of the chairs in front of his desk. "How did it happen?" (Y/N) asked him in a quiet voice. Her face scared Levi. It was what he saw the day he first met (Y/N). Emotionless and cold. There were no tears in (Y/N)'s eyes. She almost looked like she was tired, like she was bored. Levi didn't know how to explain everything to her. He was never too good at explaining anyway.

With a sigh, he said, "Both Erwin and Armin were seriously injured. I had to use the titan serum on one of them and I decided that it was time for Erwin to rest.". "So, you killed him..." (Y/N) stated, her voice showing...nothing. No anger, no regret, no sadness. Her voice was like of a dead person, void of any human emotion. "(Y/N), I had good reason to..." Levi tried to explain but (Y/N) held her hand up, signalling him to stop. "I don't want to hear anything you have to say." she said before walking towards the door. "Don't try to follow me. I don't want to see your face again." she told him, not bothering to look at him before walking out of the office.

(Y/N) felt numb. Memories of Erwin and Levi making promises shot through her mind. "How many times will I lose everything dear to me?" she thought. To her, life seemed more meaningless than ever. She walked towards her office. Yes, she had her own office but she preferred to work with Levi. She felt lonely doing all the work alone. Ironically, loneliness was all she had now. She took a pen and paper and wrote a letter.

"Ms Hanji Zoe

Commander

Survey corps

Subject: Resignation letter

Dear Hanji,

Please accept this letter as my formal resignation from the position as squad leader of the Survey corps, effective from whenever you get the letter.

I appreciate the opportunity of growth and development you have provided me.

Sincerely,

(Y/N) (L/N)"

This was it. She knew she had to run from this life. Being in the Survey corps meant she had to witness the death of loved ones again. She had to face Levi again. (Y/N) walked towards Erwin's office. "I will never see him sitting in there again" her mind whispered to her. She opened the door to find an empty room. "Hanji didn't move in yet.." she assumed. Memories of when she was chosen as squad leader, when she asked him to walk the aisle with her on her wedding passed her mind. The wedding would never happen now. She remembered the ring in her finger. "Should I leave it with the letter?" she thought, not being able to make up her mind. At the end she decided to keep it.

As a symbol of her old memories of a Levi she knew she loved. (Y/N) placed the letter on the desk and went out of the office, out of the headquarters. She didn't take her horse or her possessions, she didn't have the time to. She walked towards the place where she made the decision of joining the Survey corps. To the orphanage.

(Y/N) POV

I knocked on the door of the orphanage and the matron opened the door. Seemed like the news of Uncle Erwin's death spreaded like wild fire since the first thing the matron did was hug me and say, "Oh (Y/N) dear! I'm so sorry...". "Ms Winkler (the matron's name), can I stay here for a few days? Till I get my own house?" I asked her calmly. "Your own house? Aren't you getting married soon?" she asked me, confused. "I'm afraid the wedding won't take place. After what he did..." I sighed. "My dear, I don't know what the captain did but you rejecting him means it must be something horrid. You're welcome to stay here for as long as you want. I'm getting old, so a bit of help is always welcomed." Ms Winkler smiled as she took me in.

Ms Winkler showed me my room a while back. I sat on the bed, trying to remain calm but I felt restless. The depth of the situation was finally hitting me. Uncle Erwin is dead. I left Levi. I left the Survey corps. I have absolutely nothing left to live for. I felt emotionally unstable. I felt all energy from my body being drained. "I can't take this anymore. It hurts. It hurts. It hurts. It hurts..." my mind was screaming.

I walked to the bathroom. Conveniently, there was a blade there. I had to cut myself. Drown my sorrows by causing external pain. Just before the blade touched my skin, I remembered that I wasn't alone. I still had my child. "I'm sorry honey... I completely forgot about you... I'm so sorry I almost hurt you..." I whispered to my stomach, which bulged a bit now. I caressed it a bit as I sat on the bathroom floor, whispering sorry as tears streamed down my face. I have to take on all the pain the world throws at me. I have to make sure my child gets a happy life.

A week later

"(Y/N), you need to eat properly... You're eating like a mouse, dear... Both the baby and you needs the food..." Ms Winkler tried to convince me to eat. I honestly tried my best to eat as much as I can but I had no appetite. After the happenings of last week, nothing felt good. I slept for two days, eating a few bites of bread whenever Ms Winkler got it to me. She was worried about my and my child's health and even if I was grateful that she was making the effort, I just couldn't eat. My sleep schedule was all over the place too as my nightmares came back.

It's been a while since I've been having nightmares every night. Being with Levi helped but now... There's nothing I could do about it. I've been helping Ms Winkler with her household duties, looking after the other kids, and keeping myself as busy as possible to forget the events of last week. Hanji didn't send me an approval of the resignation letter yet and I thought about going to the Survey corps headquarter to make sure if she got the letter or not but later decided against it as there was a chance of running into Levi there.

I still didn't know why he decided to let Erwin die but I decided that it's best if I don't know as the truth on it might only be more hurtful. I rented a house last day too, where I was supposed to move in to next week. The owner, a lovely old lady, was really understanding of my situation. I was peeling some potatoes in the kitchen when Ms Winkler came into the kitchen and told me, "(Y/N), someone is here to see you."

Levi POV

It had been a week since (Y/N) left. I understood why she did it. What I did was unforgivable. However, I couldn't keep any regrets, right? My sleep schedule had been shit for the last week, the insomnia returned, as well as the nightmares. All I did everyday was bury myself with paperwork, clean any place with a speck of dirt and drink to some extent at night. My good alcohol tolerance didn't help at all. At least that kept my mind off things... Apparantly everyone was surprised when I cleaned the stable by myself two days back. I couldn't blame them because I made cadets do things like that since I became a squad leader. I was working on paperwork when Hanji entered the room.

"What do you want shitty glasses" I asked in a stoic expression, not looking up from the paperwork. "Oi, I'm the commander now. At least give some respect..." Hanji teased, trying to make me talk. She had been doing these for a while as I haven't talked to anyone much since last week. There just was too much on my mind and the amount of paperwork was intense. "It's been a week since she gave that resignation letter. What are you planning to do about it?" Hanji asked me. Yes, she wanted to leave the Survey corps. Because of me. It was all over wasn't it? "Aren't you in charge of writing the approval letter?" I asked, restricting any emotions in my voice.

"Levi, stop acting like you don’t feel anything. Before her commander, I'm her friend and I know that you want her to be happy as much as I do. You need to go and explain why you made that shitty decision. At least try to get her back." Hanji told me, her voice sounding angry. "I tried to tell her. She didn't want to listen" I answered. Hanji looked at me like I am horse shit.

"You went up to her and told her that you made the decision to kill Erwin. It's obvious that she wouldn't want to listen to you. And you stopped trying because of that one time? I honestly had better expectations from you, Levi." she told me, getting angrier. "What am I supposed to tell her? That I don't regret making that decision? You think she will like hearing that?" I asked Hanji, frustrated. She was right, I should've tried harder, but, how?

"But you do regret it don't you? Even if it probably was necessary according to you?" Hanji asked, in a soft tone. "I'm not supposed to regret it... Erwin said.." I was interjected by Hanji, who simply said, "Erwin regretted not being able to see what's in the basement, didn't he? Thus you had to make the decision for him and he had to die. Sure, the downfall was big but it caused one of our biggest victories didn't it? We know so much now... I suppose, regretting might give some good results too, doesn't it?" she explained. I was silent. She was right. I regretted my decision.

However, it had to be done. I had to explain everything to (Y/N) and leave the decision to her. "Levi, let's not delay things more. I got news that (Y/N) is staying at an orphanage nearby. Let's go together and convince her to talk to you. As a friend, I want her happy and as a commander, she is a huge asset to the survey corps, given that now we only have 9 survivors from the last mission. I'll tell someone to saddle our horses." she told be before getting up and going out of my room. I didn't feel as nervous as I feel now when I proposed (Y/N)...

It took a while for me to arrange all the paperwork I was working on into neat piles before going to the stable. Hanji was already there, on her horse. Diana, (Y/N)'s second in command was standing there. She probably was the one to saddle the horses. "Commander Hanji, when will squad leader (Y/N) return from vacation?" I heard her asking Hanji. Yes, the survey corps members and other higher ups were told that (Y/N) was on vacation as she needed some time alone due to Erwin's death, and not to talk about it to the press. The only people who knew about the resignation letter were myself and Hanji. "Well, we are going to talk to her about that now." Hanji smiled at Diana, who saluted me as I arrived near them. I motioned her to be at ease as I got on my horse. With that, we galloped towards the orphanage she was in.

We reached there in a few minutes as it was pretty close. "I'll go inside and talk to (Y/N) first. I'll call you when I have convinced her to talk to you. I have a feeling that she will refuse to talk to you at first." Hanji explained. I nodded as a reply. It was depressing to think that (Y/N) would refuse to talk to me. I got down from my horse to find a few kids staring at me and the horses. "Oi brats, you know where the stable is?" I asked them. One of them, possibly the leader, a small brunette kid, walked up to me and said, "I'd tell you if you were nice to me." with a pout.

"Listen, brat, I am being nice. I'm not in much of a good mood now, so don't give me this bullshit. Where's the stable?" I asked the kid in my monotone voice. "Mhhm, I won't tell you unless you're nice." she pouted. "Kid, don't expect every single stranger to sweet talk to you." I sighed. Kids were annoying. "Well, Ms (L/N) was a stranger. She was nice to us." the girl told me. "She was? Well, Ms (L/N) is a nice person. I on the other hand am a piece of shit who made her sad." I sighed, my expression showing some sadness even if I tried to hide it. The girl looked at me for a moment before saying, "The stable is in the backyard. Follow me.".

I followed the girl, the group of kids followed me. "You're captain Levi right?" the girl asked. "Yes. I am." I answered, as I walked with the horses. "How did you make Ms (L/N) sad?" she asked me. "Well, as you know, the commander of the survey corps is dead right? I had a lot of things to do with it. The commander was Ms (L/N)'s uncle and... You know how that works." I explained. "So you're here to talk to her?" the girl asked.

"Yeah" I answered as I got the horses in the stable. "You know, she won't be happy if you keep using your potty mouth. If you're nice to her, she will listen." the girl advised. I was surprised that a 10 year old was advising me about how I should talk to (Y/N). However, she wasn't entirely wrong. I only had a chance if I calmly explained everything one by one. "You're right, kid." I answered as I closed the stable door. "Oi, what's your name?" I asked the girl. "Stella." she answered as Hanji came out. "I figured you'd be near the stable. (Y/N) agreed to talk. Let's go." she said. "Best of luck out there. You need it." Stella told me with a smile.

(Y/N) POV

"Hanji?" I was surprised to see her here. I honestly thought she will just send an approval letter. "(Y/N), we need to talk." she told me. "I'll give you two some privacy" Ms Winkler said before getting out of the room. "I expected you to send an approval letter..." I started but Hanji interjected. "(Y/N), both you and Levi are my best friends. I want both of you to be happy. What you two are doing right now isn't gonna make either of you happy." she went straight to business. "Hanji, I'm happy this way. I don't want him in my life." I told her.

"Don't try to trick me, (Y/N). You're as thin as a scarecrow. I could tell you can't eat properly. Don't be so selfish (Y/N). We both know that you're not happy. Do you think your child will be okay without any explanation of why you left his or her father? You can't deny your child of his or her father just because you are angry." Hanji told me. "There is an explanation, Hanji. He decided to let Uncle Erwin die. He chose some Cadet over Uncle Erwin." I was interjected again.

"(Y/N), you weren't there when it happened. I saw the whole thing and I don't blame him. I don't know what he was thinking but I witnessed everything. He was going to give Erwin the injection. He was almost killed by Mikasa in the process. Eren begged him like his life depended on it. He ignored every one of them. I saw from far away that he almost pushed the needle in Erwin's hand but then Erwin shot his hand up, away from the needle and said something to Levi. That's when Levi gave the injection to Armin. I think, it was something that Erwin said that changed Levi's mind. Trust me, he wanted to save Erwin but I don't think Erwin wanted to be saved. If anyone broke a promise, it was Erwin. Not Levi." Hanji explained to me what she saw.

Was I blaming Levi for nothing then? What did Uncle Erwin say to him? "Levi hasn't been sleeping for the last week and he honestly looks as old as his age now. I don't want any of you two to suffer. Please, at least talk to him about it. Let him explain." Hanji told me in a serious tone. "Okay. I will talk to him." I sighed. If Hanji is right, I probably am making a big mistake by leaving him. I just had to make sure. "Ah, great! I will get Levi here in a minute. He's right outside!" Hanji said happily before skipping outside. That crazy woman is always prepared...

After a long minute, Levi entered the room. Hanji wasn't kidding when she said that Levi looks older. He had eye bags and looked like he had a bad case of a hangover. How much has he been drinking? I've never seen him having a hangover... Even after all that, he still managed to look almost as good as usual. "So, explain" I told him as he sat on the chair beside me. We were sitting at the dining room. "I decided that I will tell you everything from the beginning. After that, you're free to make any decision that you see fit." Levi told me. He looked like a defeated man, like he lost everything dear to him. "Okay" I replied before he started.

"We were losing the battle. The beast titan was throwing boulders at us, cornering us. If we were to wait longer, everyone would've died. We were in the inner walls of wall Maria. My squad and Hanji's squad was in Shiganshina. The colossal titan was coming towards us from Shiganshina. Eren was unconscious on top of the wall. Everything spelt defeat. I proposed Erwin that I would sacrifice myself so that he and the others could ride Eren and escape. It was a botched up plan anyway. Erwin then told me that he had a plan which included him and every other soldier in the inner wall to charge at the beast titan, making themselves potential targets. They would shoot flares at the beast, distracting him and I would use the line of titans next to him to get to him.

Erwin wanted to see what's in the basement and to attend the wedding. He wasn't willing to make the decision. I, at that time, decided that humanity's victory is more important because I wanted you and our child safe. Even if you leave me for it. I made the decision for him and he told me to take care of you two. The plan was a success. I got the beast titan but I hoped that Erwin was alive. I didn't kill the beast titan so that Erwin could turn into a titan and eat him. I was wrong, and the cart titan took the beast titan and ran off. He commanded his titan army to kill me but I killed the titan army as fast as possible before following the beast.

I found him talking to Eren but he saw me and ran again. My gas was finished when I reached Eren. There, I found that Armin was almost burnt to death. He defeated the colossal titan earlier by sacrificing himself. Berthold was captured by Eren. Eren told me to use the serum on Armin. I hesitated because there still was a chance that Erwin might be alive and I was right. Erwin was badly injured and dying. I made the most obvious decision, which was to save Erwin. That's when Eren started begging. Mikasa shot at me with her sword when I hit Eren to get him out of the way. I just... Felt weak.

Who was I to choose that their best friend, a person who was almost like a brother to them, should die? Even after all that, I knew that I had to save Erwin because I promised you that I will keep him safe. Hanji came later and took Mikasa off me, explained them that it has to be Erwin. That's when Eren mentioned how Armin wanted to see the ocean. I realized that both Erwin and Armin had dreams that made them go on. I still decided to bring Erwin back to life. Just as I was about to push the needle in his hand, he shot his hand up and muttered with his dying breath, "Teacher... How'd y... find out that they don't exist?". I remembered something that Kenny said at that time. That everyone has to be drunk on something in order to live.

It matched with something Erwin told me earlier, that he wanted to die many times but it was the mystery of the basement that kept him alive. If he knew what was inside the basement, he probably wouldn't want to be alive like this anymore. And, that would be a loss for humanity nonetheless. Armin on the other hand had goals that was far from reach. I made the decision that felt would be best for humanity and the safety of you two. On the view point of a captain, I have no regrets, but, in a personal view point, I regret this decision and will continue to do so all my life." he explained.

For once, I think I understood why he did it. "Levi, I understand why you did it. I think I will forgive you too, but, give me some time. I need to think it all over, and convince my mind to forgive you. It really wasn't your fault but I lost someone dear to me. I just, need some space till we get married." I replied. "You... You won't leave me? We are still getting married?" Levi asked, his voice and face showing surprise. "Yes. I won't leave you and we will get married on the date we fixed. However, I want to stay alone till that day. I need to give myself the time to forgive you." I explained.

"(Y/N), thank you so much for reconsidering... I don't deserve to be forgiven. I'm sorry..." Levi muttered. "It's okay Levi. By the way, how much are you drinking?" I asked him. "Oh, just every night." he answered with a smile. "Don't drink that much. It's bad for you. You look older." I told him. "Okay. I wont." he told me, holding my hand. I didn't know what came upon me because I got up and hugged him. He was still sitting down, his head was on my chest. "I'm so sorry.." he muttered. "It's okay. We will be okay." I told him, caressing his hair. He hugged be back in a few moments and I knew that I would never regret this decision of not leaving him.

[AUTHOR'S NOTE: (Y/N) WILL GET MARRIED IN THE NEXT CHAPTER! Sorry, I might have mentioned in chapter 18 that (Y/N) will have her kid after 6-7 chapters but I decided to give the characters a bit more development before going into that. So, (Y/N) won't have her kid in a few more chapters.]

To be continued...

Taglist: @reality-is-often-disappointing, @kingtamakimurder

[ma-gic-gay]

What the fuck is this oxygen thing doing in his nose, why is there someone praying at his bedside and who the hell can dim the lights?

"Oh thank god you're awake," the blonde by his bedside (presumably the one praying) smiles. "Are you comfortable?"

He searches his brain before remembering why he's in here: He got shot and fell to the ground (hence the headache). It was coming out of court and he was convinced they were going to shoot at her. "Are you?" He asks in return, noting that she's clearly stretching her back. The chairs aren't comfortable, though she has gotten used to sleeping in them over the years.

A single tear runs down her stained face (probably makeup, he figures. That's messy stuff) as she smiles. "I've dealt with worse," she answers calmly. When he starts pulling out the oxygen thing, she chuckles to herself. "Epiphany is gonna be mad you did that."

"Well I can breathe fine without it," he argues, mildly wincing with the pain of the bullet wound. "This thing's just annoying me."

"You were shot in the chest and narrowly escaped having a serious head trauma, Jason, that's not fine. I had to sign off on four different surgeries for you! One to remove the bullet, one when something went wrong after that with the bullet, an exploratory brain surgery, and then, just for fun, they had me sign off on an exploratory heart surgery to make sure you hadn't had more severe bleeding than they thought," Carly starts in on him, clearly worked up.

"How long was I out?"

"Three days. You could've died in this hospital and guess who would've been to blame? Me. Sam reminded me of that more times than I'd like to think about," she continues her rant. "No taking stupid risks with your life! If you see a gun pointed at you you run the other direction, you don't save me first! I need you alive so promise me you're not going to be a hero and save everyone but yourself."

"The guns were pointed at you, Carly," he argues, knowing it's in vein by the look on her face that says he's not getting out of this. "I wasn't taking a risk with my life, I was saving you."

"And you could've died doing it!"

"You could've died too, you know. They could've shot you or a bullet could've ricocheted. Besides, I'm fine," Jason shrugs off the surgery. "In a little bit of chest pain and with a minor headache but fine all things considered."

She glares at him, clearly still upset. Grabbing his hand, she exclaims, "I thought you were going to die! Sam was blaming me for it left and right. Jake, Danny and Scout thought their dad wouldn't wake up. Michael, Joss, and Donna were worried to all hell. Which reminds me, I was instructed by Donna to give you this card." After a brief moment of fumbling around in her purse, she found the piece of paper she was looking for and hands it to him.

The card was clearly written by Avery, considering that the handwriting is much better than Donna's. It reads, "Get Better Quick!" And has a stick figure that's supposed to be him with a bunch of red coming from his shirt. Blood, he figures. On the inside, it's the stick figure napping, no more red stain. All in all, it's a cute card.

"Hey Carly, is-" Sam starts, entering the room angrily. "Jason! You're up!"

"I'm going to go call my kids," Carly announces, leaving the room. "I'll be back in a few minutes, probably armed with at least one of them."

Getting a quiet chuckle out of Jason, she leaves the room with a pep on her step. He must've scared them pretty bad if she's that happy about his being awake and as functioning a human as someone in a hospital bed can be.

Sam, beaming, takes Carly's place and says, "Thank god. You were worrying us for a while there."

"I'm fine," he shrugs.

"No you're not. You almost died protecting Carly, again. This is becoming a habit of yours, Jason," she sighs. That's a lie; she knows it too. "You being her hero is going to cost you your life one of these days and I don't want that. None of us do."

Now she's just flat out pissing him off. Only took about a minute to do that, which is kind of impressive. "What do you want me to do, let her get shot?"

She takes a minute to think about her answer. What the hell? There's a right answer and there's a wrong answer here.

"I don't want you to die because of her. That's what I think. If that's the only way for it to happen, then yes, I guess she's going to get shot. It wouldn't kill you to let her have a little bit of the consequences for her actions for once, you know," Sam says simply. "Doing something dumb enough to get shot at might be a sign she has to learn her lesson."

"The gun was aimed at her. It was a hired gun from Cyrus. As far as I knew, his orders were to take her out." When Sam stops reacting, he asks, "What did Cyrus do?"

"You got shot saving her," Sam continues. "She's never going to learn to depend on you less if you keep saving her everytime you think she's in trouble, Jason. She'll always be this dependent, if not more, on you."

Oh good god. This conversation is going in circles and it's giving him a headache. "It's not your business anymore whether she's dependent on me or not," he says, voice as even as possible. She seems to be forgetting they're not together, or even friends anymore. They coparent their kids, that's it.

There's a hurt look on Sam's face, he can see as she simply responds, "You're right. But that doesn't mean that it's a good thing you could die protecting her from her own messes."

"I never said it was a good or bad thing. I'm alive."

"I've got to go get the kids," she excuses herself before leaving the room.

Well now he kinda feels like shit. He didn't mean to send her away or hurt her feelings, but it's clear he did just that. To be fair, she might've forgotten about the kids for a bit and remembered she had to pick them up somewhere, but he doubts it. Not wholehearted doubt, but enough.

"Stop frowning. It causes wrinkles," Carly jokes as she enters the room again. "Sam just went to go get Danny and Scout from the Quartermaine's. My kids are over the moon you're doing better. Donna would like to run in here right now, but I had to remind her it's a hospital and that's disgusting."

"The hospital's fairly clean," he smiles before noticing that her smile doesn't quite reach her eyes. "What happened?"

"Cyrus is out on bail. He's got full reign of the hospital."

"How?"

"I guess his lawyer's actually good and managed to get him bail. Sympathetic judge," the blonde says, shrugging. "He's stayed away from me, thank god. Not for me, for him. I'm half sure if I saw him I'd start attacking him."

"What about the trial?"

"It's over. Cyrus changed his plea. His sentencing isn't for a few weeks, though, so his lawyer petitioned for bail and got it," she smiles brightly as she says the first part, tone turning for the later half. "And if you're not admitted out of here by then, rest assured, I'll break you out to go."

He chuckles, noticing her eyes are glossy. "Why are you crying?"

"I don't know," Carly laughs. "It's just happening. Tears have decided to fall from my eyeballs, which doesn't even make sense because I'm happy right now. You're alive and as well as can be considering your four surgeries, everyone's fine, I don't get it." She wipes her tears away with a chuckle. "If you'd died because of me-"

"I didn't. I'm alive. Stop worrying I'm going to have a heart attack or something and die. I made it, you made it, your family is fine, my family is fine. No point in dwelling on the past," Jason interrupts her. "See? I'll be fine in a few days."

"You're in here because of me," she argues weakly, not meeting his eyes.

"Look at me, Carly," he instructs calmly and she does just that. "This isn't your fault. It's not mine or anyone but Cyrus's. And the guys that shot me. Alright? You did nothing wrong."

"I could've-"

"Could've what? Been psychic? Predicted the future? That's not real and we both know it. What is real is that I am alive. Everyone we care about it alive. I'm not planning on dying anytime soon. Everything is fine and you're not responsible for not having psychic abilities," Jason reminds her, watching her try to find a hint of a lie within the words or a way she can continue to blame herself. "Stop blaming yourself."

"Fine," she caves, "if you promise to not forget to save yourself when bullets start flying around me, I'll stop blaming myself."

"Deal."

"I'm waiting for the promise."

"I promise to remember to save myself and you."

"See? That wasn't so hard, was it?"

"No," he says, "it really wasn't."

"You can thank me at any time for introducing you to the lovely world of negotiation."

"I've been in a business involving negotiation since the 1990s."

"Coffee is a very competitive business."

"Very."

When she stops bantering with him and kisses him, he knows something in his life has changed.

To be continued after I pass out :) I live in hell

ô

[mo-mo-and-porkchop]

Umbrella academy fiction

Chapter 1

Canon and OC; Deigo x OC, Klaus x OC platonic

*as always I do not own any part of the canon characters or show. I am merely writing my own adaptation to the storyline. Nor do I own any gifs/gif credit.

**I do own all things related to the OCs and additional story elements. And apologies, I couldn't find any "young" gifs of them, but they are all meant to be young adults to show age in this fic.

Tagging: @imcrowley , @wicked-bitch-of-the-west

On a typical sunny day in 1989 a girl was born under extraordinary circumstances - her mother beginning the day not pregnant and ending it with a newborn girl. Reginald Hargreaves was unable to purchase their gift from God, but as fate would have she would still become linked to the obsessive billionaire through Klaus, his disappointing Number Four.

One fateful night in her bar thrust the two into each other's life and they soon became close friends, their tragic pasts a common denominator. Emily tried to aid her friend and his family in thwarting the apocalypse, but her life ultimately lost when the shit inevitably hit the fan.

This is not that story.

Our story takes place five years after the Hargreaves family jumped back in time after unsuccessfully saving the world; bringing with them all the knowledge gained from their first chance at life.

-----

"I'm telling you Diego. We can do this," Klaus said pleadingly to his brother. "She said if she had only gotten out a few years earlier, she would have had a better chance at life. We can give her that chance."

Diego stopped just outside his room. He eyed Klaus as he begged for him to agree.

"Please Diego. She is...was my friend," he corrected himself. This time travel thing was hard to get used to. "I owe it to her to at least try."

It was true that Emily had been as good a friend as someone could to Klaus back then. He'd beena raging drug addict who brought nothing but chaos. There weren't many people who could handle something like that. She'd been one of the few; even managing to get him into rehab a few times.

Not that it had mattered. Klaus had a standing bed there back then and the staff a running pool on how short his next break would last.

But it had been obvious she at least cared for him. And that was more than Diego could say for himself. Klaus was his brother and he had given two shits at the time if he lived or died.

"Fine," he finally agreed.

"Yes!" Klaus said quietly, but triumphantly.

With his second time around, he wanted to get it right. Make amends for his previous infractions.

Starting with this.

"But we do this my way. You got it," he said definitively, getting close enough to stop Klaus' little victory dance. He wanted to make sure his brother understood just how serious he was.

"Got it," Klaus said with a mock salute. "If I remember correctly, right around now would be the 'Halloween lockdowns' as Em liked to call it," Klaus said with a small smirk Diego's way.

His brother looked at him confused "Lockdowns? Where is she? A prison?"

Oh, that's right. He doesn't know.

It had taken Klaus awhile to pull what nuggets she had revealed of her past. He knew, without a doubt, Diego hadn't gotten shit out of her. The few times they'd met his brother was partial to being an asshole to anyone who even remotely took Klaus' side and she had been no different.

"She's at a religious boarding school," Klaus explained quickly. "A real scared straight kinda one. From what she told me though, the night before Halloween the nuns do one final sweep of the grounds, leaving the front door unlocked."

"Pfft. Morons," Diego huffed, the fact that he was speaking of godly women lost to him completely. "So it's a dash and grab. Easy."

"Yeeaa...about that," Klaus began tentatively. Diego had only just agreed to spring Emily from Hell.

"What?" Diego asked lowly. He knew he shouldn't have gotten his hope up so easily. Nothing was ever so cut and dry with Klaus.

"She's also, sort of, kinda in her own lockdown. We may need Five to help us too," he added reluctantly. "Which is fine," he quickly continued, keeping Diego from immediately changing his mind. "Ever since we got back Five has really been a team player. I'm sure if our little heist idea came from you he'd be on board. A hundred percent."

Diego couldn't take this shit with Klaus a second go 'round. He wanted to break Emily out of school? Fine. He needed Diego's help? Also, peachy fuckinf keen. But if he insisted on keeping secrets along the way then Diego would walk his happy ass on out the door and Klaus could go fuck himself.

He grabbed hold of his brother, who flinched more from shock than fear, and drug him into his room, away from listening ears. He tossed his brother onto his bed as gently as he could. Klaus watched as he pulled his desk chair over, sitting on it backward and leaning against it.

"Before I ask Five anything you are gonna spill your guts and give me all the Intel you have on Emily. Otherwise, I'm out and you're on your own."

Klaus groaned with Diego's ultimatum. "Fine," he grumbled. "I'll tell you everything. But you have to swear you'll get Five to help no matter what," he countered holding up his pinky.

"What are you, six?"

"Nothing is more binding than a pinky swear," Klaus said, wiggling his fingers enticingly.

"You never quit do you?"

"Nope," Klaus said with a satisfied grin.

"Jesus Christ." Diego sighed with a roll of his eyes, but nevertheless he linked pinkies with his brother.

"No matter what," Klaus reiterated.

"No matter what," Diego reluctantly agreed before immediately letting go of him.

"Good," Klaus said clapping his hands together and rubbing them conspiratorially. "Now. What do I know about Emily?" he asked himself, feigning an attempt to really dig deep into his thoughts. "Em, Em, Em."

"I'm losing my patience Klaus."

"Alright, fine," Klaus said with an exasperated sigh. Nothing much had changed with Diego this time around - he was still far too serious for his own good. "I know she was one of the few dad couldn't buy, obviously. I deduced that one myself," he admitted proudly.

Diego rolled his eyes and sighed. Even without drugs Klaus' mind still ran a million miles a minute. "Focus," he said keeping his brother on track.

"Right," he replied forcing himself back to their present storytelling session. "She was unbuyable. Her parents were religious and pure," he said mockingly, throwing up the the scouting sign of three fingers. "When Em didn't fit it to their perfect life, they shipped her off and forgot about her. To St. Christopher's School for the Misguided to be exact."

"You mean that old school convent on the outskirts of the city?"

"That's the one," Klaus said in agreement. "She's been there..." he checked his wrist as if a watch sat upon it. "Twelve years now," he added looking back to Diego.

"Twelve years?! What the Hell Klaus?? I thought she was just sent there."

"Yea. When she was six," Klaus said with a snort. "That was after all the exercisims failed," he added nonchalantly.

"Exorcisms!?" Diego was beginning to regret his decision to help. "Look. I don't know what kind of "school" you're taking me to, but how do we know Emily even wants to break out?" he asked in a half-hearted attempt to back out.

"Because she makes it out on her own after another three years anyway. But she always said if she'd got out just a few years earlier she'd have gone farther in life. Between you and me, I thought she turned out just fine the way she was," he added leaning in conspiratorially.

"I don't know about that. She was friends with you."

"Hey! Unfair!" Klaus said feigning offense. "Trust me," he continued, shrugging off the insult. "Once Five is on board, everything will be fine," he said reassuringly, but with little affect. "Then it really will be a dash and grab. Five will just do his little time warp thingie and..." He sucked air through his teeth and gestured for in-and-out. "We'll have Em out and free as a bird in no time," he added with a sigh and a smile.

Diego stared at him, only reacting when his wide grin faded. His mind had already been made up, but it was sti fun to see him sweat. He promptly grabbed him up and pulled toward the hallway - and all the way to Five's room.

------

"Klaus has something he wants to ask you," he said pushing past their brother when he answered the door.

"And what might that be?" he asked, confusion evident on his face as he shut the door behind them.

Once through the threshold doego released his grip on Klaus and took solace off in the corner, waiting to see how well he did with Five. Their brother would be a much tougher sell. He'd never even met Emily.

"Well," Klaus began with a nervous laugh, glancing back to Diego hoping to get some backup. His brother simply urged him on. Klaus sighed and his entire being deflated with his refusal.

"Klaus, what the hell is going on? I don't have time for another one of your ridiculous pranks," Five complained impatiently.

"I need your help rescuing a friend," he admitted freely, turning back to Five.

Five laughed freely at his request. "No," he said letting his facial expressions fall flat. "The last time I tried to help you I ended up having to warp out of police custody."

"But you did get out," Klaus cut in trying to avoid a retelling of their most recent mishap.

"And I had to be the one to explain it all to dad. Alone," he added with rising anger.

Klaus grimaced. "Yea. Sorry about that. I wish I could have been there, really, but something important came up. Real now-or-never type stuff."

"What? Like avoiding the inevitable end of the world? Because last I remember we've already fixed that problem and I can't think of anything more "now-or-never"," he threw back at him.

He knew Five was right. "I guess when you put it like that, I could have made it," he admitted almost sheepishly.

Five merely scowled at his admission.

"But this is different," he added quickly, pushing past Five when he went to kick them out of his room. Klaus shut the door and leaned on it for added security he would finish hearing him out.

"How so?"

Klaus' smile returned. His interest was piqued. "Because we...are gonna..."

Diego rolled his eyes. His sales pitch was quickly dying. "Because you're gonna have me," he stepping forward.

"Not that I don't doubt yoir abilities, but how does that any different? Other than your presence of course."

Their brother's smile widened. "Yes!" he exclaimed before Diego could answer, outstreching his arms toward him and crossing to be by his side. "Because Diego here is an extra set of eyes and ears," he added, cradling his shoulders and endearingly placing his hand on his chest.

Diego glared at Klaus. "Because I will make sure Klaus doesn't screw anything up this time," he answerd shaking himself free.

Five remained silent, considering Klaus 'mission'. He had become anxious lately to do more than just train and follow daddy's orders - even if it was what they all agreed to before their jump back. Not that he would ever admit that to Klaus, but he supposed it could be worth it of Diego was on board.

Klaus stated expectantly and his brother who eyed the two of them. "Say I help you. What is your grand plan to save...who exactly?"

Klaus smiled widely at Diego, ecstatic that things might actually go his way for once.

"Emily," Diego answered, ignoring Klaus.

"Emily?" Five asked surprised with a slight laugh. "You mean the bartender psychic?"

"Telepathic," Klaus corrected him. "But yes. Her. So will you help me? Please?"

Diego rolled his eyes at the duo. "Just say yes already. I can't take much more of this," he added exasperated, dropping down onto the chair at Five's desk.

"Alright fine," he finally agreed.

Klaus began to shower his brother with thabks. He sure hadn't been as appreciative of Diego's allegiance. He huffed to hide his offense. "Klaus!" He pointed at his wrist when he had his brother's attention.

"Oh right. So. Now that I have the best two brothers on board..."

"Klaus," Diego warned.

"Alright, alright. Stop getting your panties in a bunch."

Diego jumped up ready to strangle him.

"Hey! Calm down!" Five intervened. "Don't make me regret helping you," he scolded his brothers. "Now," he continued once the two had parted ways. "When and how are we supposed to save Emily? And from what?"

"I'm glad you asked," Klaus responded slyly before repeating the plan to Five

------

"There it is," Klaus whispered to his brothers, pointing out their entry point.

They crouched hidden among the bushes just outside the point of no return. A nun came out of the front door, followed by two others, and just as Klas said left the door open. Diego huffed quietly to himself and rolled his eyes. Klaus smiled widely.

"Okay," Five said shifting his jacket and bit and readying to jump. "Where is her room?" he asked staring at the building.

It was your typical, old-school convent turned boarding opp. The layout would be easy to figure out.

Klaus shut his eyes and mimicked going over a map with his fingers. "It should be, if memory serves me right, last one on the left, second floor," he said opening his eyes and looking toward the building too. "She always said one of the only good things she remembered about this place were the sunsets," he said quietly to himself with a sad sigh. "West side," he added.

And just like that Five was gone.

-----

He reappeared with a small pop in a girl's room. She was sound asleep, her back to where Five now stood. He crept to her bed and gently tried waking her.

"Emily," he whispered. "Emily wake up."

The girl began to stir, turning toward him. The sight of a boy by her bed had to be a dream. She rubbed her eyes and yawned, sitting up to wake up further. The realization that he was real hit her. Her eyes grew wide in terror and she screamed.

Five quickly covered her mouth. "Emily, please."

She quieted her screams realizing who he was and the fear in her eyes grew to confusion. She mumbled something into his hand.

"What?" he whispered, uncovering her mouth.

"I'm not Emily," she managed to stammer out quietly.

[lancelotdeservedbetter]

@libraryofneith @lil--miss-winchester hell yeah sir leon!!

-Firstly, Leon's reputation as the responsible one? Utter shit. Propaganda. This man grew up with Gwen, Elyan and Arthur, nobody stays sane enough to be considered responsible after that and the three of them like to remind him as such

Leon: wow. i sure am glad i have matured into a sensible knight

Elyan: what a load of shit. you chased a "beast" through the darkling woods on a hunt for three miles before realising it was your shadow

Leon, regretting ever saying anything: no but-

Arthur: you? responsible? the man who taught me that i could get out of council meetings by pretending to be cursed? and didn't even teach me well, you just said shout about magic then lie down on the ground and wiggle a bit!

Leon, weakly: i-

Gwen: Don't even try it. i was there last month when you almost died of pneumonia after you refused to wear a coat because it, and i quote, "stopped your cape from flowing properly"

He's still the most sensible and responsible of them all by a long shot but it's difficult to maintain a reputation when you're surrounded by people you used to play 'let's cover ourselves in butter and see who can slide the furthest down the hall' with (Gwen held the record until Elyan's fifth birthday, when he realised he could easily win if he went down the stairs. He broke both of his arms but he still considers it one of his greatest achievements.)

-To maintain his relatively calm facade and not strangle any of his friends, Leon keeps a diary. After every council meeting, every bullshit shenanigan, Leon just takes a deep breath pulls out his diary. If it was ever found, he would likely be executed

Arthur: Merlin and i have captured a dragon. gonna fuck around and see what happens next

Leon scribbling furiously: dear diary you will not believe what these bitches have done now

Or one particularly harrowing entry:

Dear Diary, every morning i pray for death and i am greeted with a mountain of shite. the king has married a troll. kinkshaming is against the knight's code but honestly what the fuck. i dont know any more and i do not wish to.

-Pasted on the wall in his room, Leon has a list he wrote of people he's not allowed to let near each other lest the kingdom fall to pieces. At the top of that list is Gwaine and Morgana, after Leon found out Gwaine had been thieving her shampoo

Gwaine: my lady

Morgana: my lord

Gwaine:

Morgana:

Gwaine:

Morgana, narrowing her eyes and drawing her sword: Why do i smell vanilla essence and honey

Gwaine, fleeing as fast as his legs can carry him: we've been made!! fuck!!

other pairs on the list include: Lancelot and Merlin without supervision, Gwen and Gwaine when at the tavern (she's the only person that can outdrink him and she does so with relish), Arthur and any of his direct relatives, Merlin and Elena and Elyan with anybody who has access to explosives

-Leon is the only one of the original noble knights to ever try and learn any basic life skills for himself. This is largely due to Gwaine bullying him about not being able cook anything other than what he called "pee soup" (it was supposed to be a vegetable stew and Leon has worked very hard on it before almost poisoning everyone)

-He knows full well that people fall asleep during his briefings and starts taking the piss. sometimes he'll just throw something in there to see if anyone notices

Leon: four patrols on the western border,

Everybody visibly napping:

Leon: two on the eastern border, i murdered Elyan this morning and Lancelot is next, scouts in the north say nothing to report

Arthur, sort of half awake: sorry?

Leon: i said the northern scouts reported nothing

Lancelot, the only one who always pays attention:

-Leon doesn't really get involved with pranks, which is definitely for the best. He always goes far too over the top and not in an 'elaborate booby trap with dominoes and wheels' kind of way, more in a 'i paid everybody in the castle to pretend that you're Merlin and Merlin is you, i've switched out all your clothes, moved all your things out of your room, dyed your hair while you slept and i'm going to watch you slowly lose your mind' kind of way. That last one is a real example, he did it to Arthur once because he thought it would be funny but it ended with Arthur screaming and trying to build a portal because he thought he was trapped in a parallel universe

-He's pretty good at working out when people are lying to him but never calls them out on it. Instead, he plays along with the lie and brings it up whenever possible, forcing the liar to add more and more layers to their lie until they break

Leon: happy birthday Arthur! i know how much you love poetry, so i got you another book of poems and ive signed you up to perform in a slam poetry show in the lower town!

Arthur, shaking: Merlin i can't take this any more

[professor-abeloved]

About the JakeXMC 50 OTP Things, can u do all of them? Well, that is, if u don't mind.... 😊

50 OTP THINGS

ty anon for ur mc/jake thirst patience :> as well as the fact ur helping me sate MY mc/jake thirst HAHAHA

using my mc eli de loyola!

1. Who is the early bird/ Who is the night owl?

eli’s the early birdie while jake is the night owl ! most days eli will wake up at 7 am (wtf) and slightly rouses jake who clings to him as much as possible. eli spends a few minutes carding his hands through jake’s hair (partly because it soothes jake and partly because he has a thing for running his fingers through jake’s hair) before actually getting up

2. Who is the big spoon/ Who is the little spoon?

jake’s the big spoon! despite being shorter HAHA its so cute

3. Who hogs the cover/ Who loves to cuddle?

jake both hogs the covers and loves to cuddle HAHA survival instincts kasi. eli doesnt mind bc he feels warm in jake’s arms anyway

4. Who wakes the other one up with kisses?

eli does! jake loves it… altho he’s been a lil wary every since he once woke up to eli’s dog licking his face instead aekjfsdajl he was so embarrassed 

5. Who usually has nightmares?

jake used to having nightmares about his time in the army + about mike p frequently but at this point he says he’s learnt to deal with them :( having eli nearby to calm him down helps a lot. plus i like to think that lundrugen (?? whatever he’s irrelevant) +co go to jail and this helps jake sleep better…

eli on the other hand dissociates a lot after the events of la huerta and frequently has nightmares of his friends dying. jake stays up and helps him call everyone one by one to make sure they’re all okay

6. Who would have really deep emotional thoughts at the middle of the night/ Who would have them in the middle of the day? 

jake has them during the night, eli during the day

7. Who sweats the small stuff?

jake secretly does & eli thinks it’s cute

8. Who sleeps in their underwear (or naked)/ Who sleeps in their pajamas?

tbh jake would totes sleep in his birthday suit (which is why he hogs the blankets bc he’s the type to feel v hot at first only to freeze later on) and eli sleeps in pajamas. altho eli makes jake wear pants when they sleep in the same bed 

(jake argues that he’s “going to end up losing those pants anyway so whats the point”

and eli lightly shoves his smirking face away like “binch no i for one plan to get some sleep tonight” 

“that wont be the only thing ur getting ;)” 

“jaCOB LUCAS CAN U NOT I HAVE AN INTERVIEW TOMORROW”)

9. Who makes the coffee (or tea)?

eli makes tea for jake who initially didn’t like it but found that it calms him down (especially after nightmares)

10. Who likes sweet/ Who likes sour?

eli likes it sweet while jake likes sour more lol

11. Who likes horror movies/ Who likes romance movies?

eh i dont think they like horror movies OR romance though jake’s a fan of action movies & eli likes superheroes so they compromise on that. maybe somedays they curl up on the hammock and watch a romance movie bc they’re too lazy to get the remote. jake makes fun of it only to feel emotional at the end when the love interest dies lol

12. Who is smol/ Who is tol?

jakey’s smol, eli’s tol hehe

13. Who is considered the scaredy cat?

neither? jake reacts to the situations accordingly and is almost never shookt while eli is generally sensible and level-headed

14. Who kills the spiders?

eli stomps on it / hits it with his prosthetic HAHA

15. Who is scared of the dark?

neither.

16. Who is scared of thunderstorms?

neither. eli has a weird fondness for them bc they remind him of the time jake saved them from the weird lightning storm in chapter 1 hehe

17. Who works/ Who stays at home?

i hc that they both work after the events of la huerta

18. Who is a cat person/ Who is a dog person?

eli’s a dog person while jake is a wolf person (LOL) and they do get a dog at one point

19. Who loves to call the other one cute names?

uh idk if it’s cute per se but jake calls eli “boy scout”, “darling”, “babe” and stuff like that while eli calls him… “hotness”. that’s the best he’s got really.

20. Who is dominant/ Who is submissive?

ahsdjsak it’s a big thing for them to fight for dominance but more often than not jake ends up on top 

21. Who has an obsession (over anything)?

eli has an obssessing with collecting (like collecting clues and idols HAHA) trinkets 

22. Who goes all out for Valentine’s Day?

eli would!! jake would be touched by all the effort awww

23. Who asks who out on the first date?

from eli’s perspective he’s the one who asked jake out on a normal date in a coffeeshop while jake thinks he made the first move by asking eli to ride with him on a plane (loaned by rourke industries where aleister is the boss now and just let me live with these post la huerta hcs okay)

24. Who is the talker/ Who is the listener? 

they’re pretty equal in this regard, though jake marvels at how he can open up to eli because eli’s such a good, attentive listener

25. Who wears the other ones clothes?

eli wears jake’s jacket (which fits him p snugly) and jake is like “o shit it looks so good on him”

26. Who likes to eat healthy/ Who loves junk food?

jake eats junk food/whatever’s on hand while eli tries (emphasis on tries) to stir them to heathier diets

27. Who takes a long shower/ Who sings in the shower?

eli takes a longer shower because he likes to belt out hayley rose songs. jake hears and teases em though the door about finishing up his lil concert (because he likes to rile eli up. he’s actually v amused by the singing.) eli replies with a classic “why dont you come here and make me” and then jake enters the bathroom and the rest as they say is history ;)

28. Who is the book worm?

neither tbh they don’t read (heh) as the bookworm types

29. Who is the better cook?

eli haha jake has no patience with cooking

30. Who likes long walks on the beach?

eli def!

31. Who is more affectionate?

eli shows more affection while jake craves it more fkdsjnd

32. Who likes to have really long (deep) conversation?

oh man jake says he doesn’t like long deep convos but there’s something about eli that gets him to open up and eli likes to be there for jake as much as possible

33. Who would wear “not guilty” t-shirt/ Who would wear “sin” t-shirt?

oh man eli makes jake wear “not guilty” b/c yo jake is totally innocent!! while jake makes eli wear “sin” because damn does he think that eli is sexy as hell

34. Who would wear “if lost return to…” t-shirt/ Who would wear “I am…” t-shirt?

jake wears “if lost, return to eli” while eli wears “i am eli” bc his lone wolf is prone to wandering off (but jake always returns to him

35. Who goes overboard on the holidays?

eli’s aunt HAHA who invites em over for the holidays once she’s cool with jake

36. Who is the social media addict?

ehhh neither like eli spends the normal amount of time on social media tho he posts a lot of group pics since he’s an extravert ahaha

37. Height difference or age difference?

uh both? eli’s taller and jake’s older if i remember right

38. Who likes to star gaze?

eli

39. Who buys cereal for the prize inside?

eliii the prize is a toy plane he gets for jake awww

40. Who is the fun parent/ Who is the responsible parent?

surprisingly jake is responsible parent and eli is the fun one

41. Who cries during sad movies? 

jake gets emotional during romcoms when the LI dies jfkndks

42. Who is the neat freak?

uh jake has an organized “system” but it only makes sense to him while eli is just. no. just no. he’s not rachel from the freshman/sophomore level bad but he is not organized either

43. Who wins the stuffed animals at the carnival for the other one?

jake does hehe

44. Who is active/ Who is lazy?

eli’s active and more into health stuff while jake is lazy

45. Who is more likely to get drunk?

eli has a lower tolerance HAHA

46. Who has the longer food order?

eli haha he’s more conscientious with food stuff

47. Who has the more complex coffee order?

jake bc i find it funny HAHAHA

48. Who loses stuff?

eli bc he’s a mess

49. Who is the driver/ Who is the passenger?

jake drives & eli rides (;D ;D ;D)

50. Who is the hopeless romantic?

neither. jake is v cynical while eli is saks lang. more hopeful than most, but definitely not naive by any standards