#and 2) works for only 4 days of the week
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#waiting for livraz 2 show up^#elendira#trigun maximum#trigun#lg doodles#mo but im like . going 2 complain for five secodns#but i hate working full time i hate it ive awkays hated it i will always hate it and when im dead ill still be hating on it#NOOO ENERGYY(‘!!!for anything . ever .#like ive given up on hobbies bc it feels soo fcking impossible to do anyrhing that isnt cooking dinner and then passing out 4 the night#miserable existence i want to claw my face off#the oast two yrs have been manageable in the sense that i alws had smt to look forward to#hyperfix or whagever. but these past 6 months r grey.DESOLATE‼️‼️‼️devoid of purpose#elendira outstretched hand lets take ibuprofen together#but its lexapro#anyways . ^__^!!~~ hope uve had a good day today#or did smt fun this week#bHELPPPP#walking 2 my car rn actually .. inagine the virgin walk guy thats like this > 🚶#metbh#being let out of my hamster cage . only to return 2morrow
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the amount of math i put into figuring out my PTO is honestly so funny. i've probably spent like 2 hours this week and last week just playing with the leave calculator spreadsheet my coworker gave me. this morning i added a sheet for 2026 so now i'm calculating my PTO out that far. i basically already have a plan of how i'm taking time off for 2025 so as to maximize my time off in 2026. i dont think this is a normal level of attention to detail but at least i'm having fun
#(at my job i can accrue a certain amount of PTO that then becomes 'use or lose' because only so much carries over each year)#so by the mythical year 2026 i could in fact end up with 121 hours of use or lose by the end of it#aka i am Forced to take off 15 days (121 hrs) that year or it'll just be wiped#oh dear oh no! however could i manage to take 15 days off! <- DESPERATELY wants to be in this position as soon as possible#my issue is that i keep taking too much time off so i havent hit the maximum cap yet lmao#like if i just chilled out i could reach it next year#but chilling out is not in my vocabulary. i have places to go and people to see#therefore i cannot reach use or lose in 2025 BUT i can reach it in 2026....if i don't end up spending too much of what i accrue first#so i have vauge plans next year that havent solidified and i keep trying out stuff to see how many hours it would leave me with#historically my methods of maximizing time are:#1) work a flexible schedule with 9 hour days one pay period in order to get a day off for 'free' (this is how i'll get black friday off)#2) work over time and bank those hours as 'credit' time. i can have up to 24 hours/3 days worth of that stored#(i can easily do this long term by just like. working an extra hour every week and it'll add up lol)#3) receiving a time off award if management loves me enough (i normally get a free 8 hours award each year but i can't bet on this)#4) earning travel comp time by working overtime via work travel (such as your flight getting in at 8 pm or whatever)#5) earning normal comp time by attending a work event outside of normal hours (i.e. that time i worked on saturday)#these are all ways to get time off without dipping into PTO so that i can let the PTO accumulate#......as you can see i'm Very normal about this
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lol. i think ive reached my limit.
#i just cannot take this torture anymore#ive been at the mercy of this horrible disease for over half my life now#imagine living knowing that roughly every 3.5 weeks youre going to experience the most excruciating pain of your life#along with crushing. usually suicidal depression. and such extreme fatigue and exhaustion that you easily sleep for 14+ hours a DAY#AND ITS ALL FOR FUCKING *NOTHING*#there is literally ZERO benefit or reason for me to be experiencing this#it is 100% extraneous#and even if you go to a dr and try to get treatment their only recommendation is 1) pain killers and/or 2) birth control#which both come with their own fucking share of unpleasant side effects#not to mention theyre not even 100% effective at stopping the problem in the first FUCKING place#and imagine even tho you have this DEBILITATING DISORDER society at large has decided it straight up DOESNT EXIST#to the point where REAL ACTUAL MEDICAL PROFESSIONALS will dismiss your symptoms#not to mention people in your life who dont understand or just straight up dont believe your disorder is real#good luck keeping a job or any other major commitments#considering you'll either be out of commission for like. 1 out of ever 4 weeks#or youll have to work/whatever WHILE experiencing said excruciating pain/crushing depression/debilitating exhaustion#not to mention the GI issues and the migraines and the brain fog and the fucking. full body aches#wanna go to a concert? or plan a vacation? or just. fucking. RELAX? you better hope its not during Hell Week or youre outta luck#and youve got roughly 30-40 YEARS of this to look forward to#maybe less IF YOURE LUCKY#im fucking over it#i cant take it anymore#im making an appt to see a dr and i WILL NOT LEAVE THEIR OFFICE until they have referred me to whoever i have to talk to to make this stop#my fucking fury at having to live like this has officially outweighed my fear of invasive procedures/recovery time/side effects#let along the torture that is navigating the medical care system as an AFAB#i just. i cant do this anymore.#i want to fucking LIVE#fuck
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Every time Prapai gives Sky medicine, he's narcoleptic inside 5 minutes.
#fun story: in 2018 we went to interview ex-president jimmy carter#and I had a bit of an odd feeling in my throat#august 24 2018 i remember that date well#because that was the first signs of an illness that annihilated me#i blacked out for most of the month of september- i only have very sparse memories#i had a strange kind of pneumonia the doctor hadn't seen before#and over those 6-7 months they threw every single anti-anything they could at me#IDK if I slept so well because of the knockout effects of all the antibiotics and antivirals#or because I had a recurring fever and a chronic brutal cough for 6-7 months and was terribly weak by the end#but i was sleeping so deeply the more pills they added#and now i know i can function with a 102 fever on and off for months on end#everyone- family and coworkers- also made fun of me for insisting on wearing a mask but guess what bitches#when the pandemic rolled around i still had 2 unopened boxes from being sick a year before and those were worth more than toilet paper#lita#love in the air#prapai#sky#prapaisky#true facts: I don't remember writing one of my own fics#it was during the blackout month and i refuse to read it because i think it's funnier that i don't know what it's about#i also had to work- it was one of our biggest events that we do every 4 years#two weeks straight of 14 hour days with no weekends#and i was there every single day#i have no memory whatsoever and when we did the event again in 2022 the organizers kept saying 'oh wow you're alive!'#i like to say i had the BEST time because it's a tedious af event and everyone is surly by the end#but from MY pov i was trapped in dense fog and couldn't breathe; trapped in that twilight feeling when you're neither awake nor unconscious#and then when it passed I had a nice paycheck in my account without any of the mental strain of working for it
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#i was away from work for 4 days and i came back to the nicest things#one person told me they missed me sm and ive only known her professionally for about 2 weeks i didnt expect that 😭😭#and then one of my bosses told me to become an influencer it was so random 🤣😭
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the little joys of life ❤️ (calling in sick to work for today and tomorrow when i'm not at all sick)
#no one tell my boss#some could argue i do need to call in sick if i need a mental health day this bad#the next time i have work is in 4 days which is SUCH a luxury#and then only 2 more weeks of full time work !!!!!#i'm determined to survive#not the personal posting#l
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I am so beyond ready to quit this job. Wednesday cannot come fast enough.
#to be fair it's bc school starts again in a few weeks#but idk. every day at this office feels like sandpaper on my skin. people always ask me shit i dont understand#and every case is so individual there's no set checklist to follow to troubleshoot#so most of the time I just grind my gears and get stuck#it'd busy more days than not.#and it was advertised to me as data entry only. client interactions was not what i signed up for.#it's all client interaction.#we're short staffed so nobody gets to take the back office and have a break.#when we weren't short staffed i was the new guy and only got 1 day in the back a week while everyone else got 2.#all my coworkers are conservative but talk like they're apolitical.#i thought it'd be fulfilling bc im helping people get benefits#but many are rude or impatient as any other service job. I'm constantly trying to direct people that don't want to listen#or explain the intricacies of something i barely understand.#and i don't want to lead people astray bc you have to start over if you blow a deadline.#but there's just nothing redeeming that i enjoy.#i hate customer service. i hate constantly asking questions. i like seldom few of my coworkers.#i can't be me at work.#and i don't care about the work itself anymore.#this job made me cry every day for weeks last month from sheer stress and overstimulation.#i almost cried myself sick several times.#the only reason I'm not there anymore is bc i dont fucking care anymore.#it took me 2 months to burn out. 2 months!#i was training for half of that!!#idk. everyone decided i was smart and could pick it up quickly so. even though everyone else got 4-6 weeks of shadowing#you can make do with 3 before you start doing stuff solo.#which feels unfair. i wasn't ready for it. and i resent the decision quite a bit.#plus it's been a nightmare for me in terms of external stressors and my generally deteriorating mental health. so.#all in all. i hate it here.#and i can't wait to turn in my notice so i can gtfo in 2 weeks#i am so tired. free me. let me go back to my music please
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#one piece#sanji#black leg sanji#everysanji#sabaody archipelago#ch500#iiiiiii am so tired. but i stay silly#well i have the next 2 days off and only had a 4 day work week#im thinking on going to one of our other historic sites on the mainland for my days off#and hanging out but also its supposed to rain so... idk#i have laundry to do too and i air dry everything and uhhhhhh#well i dont need it til saturday but its also supposed to rain all week last i checked#and thunderstorms on sunday!!!!! god#july is supposed to be calm and sunny here go awayyyyy#it was so nice out today too...
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I have commissions open! Currently have a YCH and meme commissions up, however I'm open to maybe getting out of my comfort zone a bit with customs (feral only please!). Feel free to dm me on discord (az6006) to discuss that!
Please consider supporting me here. I have very limited access to money right now, as my epilepsy prevents me from driving and getting a better job.
Anyway, sorry for the sob story and I'll try to get out the next update soon!
#notclangen#art#commissions#i prommy ill try and get updates out faster btw#struggling to find a format that works for me#also thinking about how i want to do things#do i want a comic and a story?#perhaps...#im fr only getting 4 hours per week tf is this#also had a seizure 2 days after my permit papers were signed lmao#universe really has it out for me
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college … wasted on the youth (me)
#didnt help that 2/4 yrs was covid telezoom but man.. MANNN#forgetting how impossible it is to pursue rhe degree plan u actually want (advising hell) i feel like . theres just#so many diff things i want to learn now Knowing that im more solidified in my interests and who i am and what i would be interested in doing#and like.😭RGAAAAAQH TEARING MYHAIR OUTTT every other week i have a night where im sititng there like damn i couldve been sm1 completely dif#dgmw i still rly enjoy some of the upper div classes i Did take but what if i took x and liked it more or minored in y and it led me to z#bc i do feel rly set in where i am rn which . i DO ! like it but im never gna be in that environment where u have the flexibility to explore#ykwim . i wish i had taken physics and calc srsly . i always thought i hated that shit but i like it. i like it quite a lot actually😟#or more geology .. urrghh.. sprinkle in sme extra art history . no bc thats what actu pissed me off ab school#i rmbr wanting to dual major and they straight up told me no i cant . but then i was like maybe an arts major bio minor when i wanted to do#science illustration but sry we dont offer bio minor . ok bio major arh or studio art minor . no sry not enough open spots we rly only#reserve it for when we have extra openings post admission❤️#and then even late into sophomore year u would still be last in registration so all the cool classes would be closed#and then bc of covid half that shit was cancelled bc they couldnt transfer labs online (rip comparative vertebrate anatomy)#and then by senior yr an additional collection of classes were unavailable bc u dont have the prereqs bc the prereqs were cancelled during#covid and u dont have enough semesters left to actually take it . like it was gen such an awful experience so ik why i couldnt ever do what#i wanted but .😭 AND LIKE the classes i DID enjoy like genomics or molecular genetics were closed by registration and i had to email and beg#for access . thts crazy .literally crazy .#anyways . i think i want 2 start reading textbooks bc i think thats the closest ill get LMAOO#i remember seeing my coworker read a textbook for fun one time and idk why i just didnt understand why bc it seemed so dry but i Get it now#like yeah .. u knew what was up ..#sad too that like . i could theoretically audit a course but i Work..during the day .. so sad . so sad#guys wht if i just said yes to grad school (<the devil talking.dont agree)
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man i think i’m 5 seconds away from a mental breakdown
#I’m actually running out of money now despite working 6 days a week and making 6 figures#Because I bought my acreage with my brother and factored him paying 1/3 of the expenses BUT he’s decided to be unemployed for 1.5 years#I pay the mortgage mortgage insurance utilities internet groceries#I have $800/month in student loan payments#I have to spend like $150/week on gas because my commute is 2 hrs round trip every day#I only eat one meal a day usually because I don’t have the time to grocery shop or cook usually and my brother only cooks for himself#I do all of the chores and at least 1/2 of the yard work#I have the heaviest workload of any of my coworkers (which has been acknowledged but my manager says his hands are tied#Because if he took work off of my plate he’s have to give it to someone else and there is no one else)#I’m being severely underpaid at my job ($4 under the STARTING wage for a pharmacist now despite me working there for 3 years.#But I “got the largest raise last year” lmfao#I’ve been seeing someone but he works nights and his schedule is wack and it results in me going to bed at 3am some nights#I’m also on call this week so I have to be ready to answer calls at any time past 11pm#My hair is legit pulling out in clumps and my hair is half of my personality :(#i’m about to mcfuckin lose it#Brain feels like mashed potato#Oh also I’m on my fucking period
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This work week will suck so bad I'm dreading it so much
#and this is mainly because of the commuting#by train#and the giant fucking desktop screen i will have to transpost in addition to my 2 heavy ass bags#and that i will have to talk about my stupid job and what I do in front of a bunch of university students on Tuesday#i spend 4 hours a day commuting (it'd be 3 hours but let's be realistic with the train situation)#it makes me want to die#for 7 hours in the office I'll be out for 11 hours#or you know. 12 to 15 hours considering the endless possibilities of train fuck ups#in overcrowded disgusting trains with heavy bags and this stupid screen that's bigger than my torso#i refuse to drive though. driving is the only thing worse than taking the train.#also i guess work will be quite annoying too after my 2 days off#i can see myself working 10 hours of overtime again#and the week after will be even worse#but then there will be one chill week so yay for that#void screams#i need to stop talking so much on here
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I need to kill whoever decided a 40 hour work week is perfectly acceptable and to be expected
#i am tired and in pain all the time#2 days a week to try and recover from that is not enough#i maybe need to see if my budget would let me work only 4 days a week or at least maybe 6 hour shifts instead of 8
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pray for me aaaaaaaaaaaaa
#the gist: guy who came to jump my car asked to hang out#2. I said sure. we exchange numbers.#3. he starts talking flirty. i saw this comin so i nip it in the bud n say ‘hey I’m not#looking for anything romantic’ and he says ‘oh yeah I only wanted to be friends’#3. we text briefly on and off in the ensuing weeks but never abt anything meaningful. i invite him to come hang w/ my friends but he’s busy#4. just now i text him back after a few days of ghosting him and he admits to being so attracted to me he can’t think straight#5. so I said ‘hey I’m moving in the Fall and this attraction is not going to be requited I’m sorry’#‘and I don’t think I can be friends with someone who I know is attracted to me. I don’t see this working out.’#and he has not replied aaaaaaaa#i hate this#bring back regency courtship customs PLEASE#mobile#x#he knows where I work so worst case scenario is he’s waiting for me outside the building at any point in the next week#fortunately I work in a highly secure building
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Fandom: House of the Dragon
Pairing: Aemond/Lucerys
Verse: Blood for Blood
Warnings: omegaverse, mpreg, I threw the canon timeline out the window
I finally had a whole minute to breathe this week (it’s been... an interesting week) and instead of finishing the Blood for Blood arc I wrote another unconnected scene at a random point in the timeline. So take it while I try and survive the weekend of crazy that’s about to hit me.
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Viserys is having a good day, and as such, Alicent’s husband has requested the whole family eat together.
Rhaenyra arrives first with her husband and younger three. She is proving annoyingly stubborn this time around. Not fleeing back to Dragonstone like she normally does at the first sign of having to take responsibility for some of her actions. Rather she sends Daemon or her eldest back as necessary to ensure everything is still at peace there while she remains within the capital.
Rhaenyra claims it is so she can support her son as he adjusts to life as a married omega but Alicent’s father believes it is so she can build a presence in court and seek out potential allies for when the King eventually dies. Alicent is inclined to believe her father right in this matter.
Still Alicent smiles politely as they get the younger Aegon and Viserys settled at the table with their nurses. The boys just old enough that they might be able to last the full meal before they lose patience and need to be taken away.
The same can be said about Helaena’s children who arrive with their mother but are put with their cousins to make the nurses’ job easier for the night. The five of them looking like the family they are by blood.
Rhaenyra’s and Daemon’s eldest three join next. Aegon trailing in a little after that, clearly having expected the meal to have already started and his drunken state to not be less noticed with everyone already focused on their food and conversation.
Alicent’s eldest glances around at everyone looking at him.
“How am I early?” he asks because they had been given a time and he clearly had waited until after.
“We are still waiting for Lucerys and his mate,” Viserys says and Alicent bites her tongue to prevent herself from correcting him that they are waiting for his son and Aemond’s mate.
In this case he is right though. Aemond has always been punctual. The same cannot be said about Rhaenyra’s second born.
“We should start before the food gets cold,” Alicent suggests after another awkward minute of silence around the table.
“We can wait,” her husband says.
Another minute passes.
“Perhaps we should send someone to go check on them,” Alicent suggests because that should hopefully at least somewhat shame Lucerys for his tardiness and irresponsibility.
To think he will be left to rule Driftmark one day, the place will be in ruins within a week. Alicent takes some solace that her son will be able to step in before the omega can do too much damage.
“You are right,” Viserys says, finally seeing some sense, “perhaps something has happened to him.”
Just as he goes to wave at one of the guards the doors open and the missing two members enter. Aemond keeping pace at Lucerys side despite the omega’s gait being slowed by the waddle he has gained as his stomach swelled with child.
“Sorry we are late,” Lucerys says, a slight incline of his head as close as they are getting to an apologetic bow apparently. His hands not even moving from where they are supporting the weight of his stomach. “We were held up.”
He looks to Aemond at it as if he is to blame for it. And Aemond merely stares right back. The two of them holding each other’s gaze in a way that, as loathe as she is to say it, reminds Alicent of the silent conversations Rhaenyra and her mate have.
“It is quite alright,” Viserys says with a smile that is clearly trying to reassuring despite his pain. “I am sure you would much prefer to be resting than being here.”
“If my young brothers and nephews can handle it than I am sure I can as well,” Lucerys says. Joffrey sticks his tongue out at this brother like a brat not a prince, but the five younger ones sit up a little straighter the words somehow encouraging them.
Aemond remains Lucerys’ shadow as they go to their seats. Alicent’s second son only sitting down himself once Lucerys is settled and the staff are already hurrying to bring the first course out to them all.
Viserys gestures for Alicent to lean over to him as everyone finally starts to dine.
“I told you they would be a good match,” he says proudly, nodding to the two of them. And Alicent watches as Aemond’s eye keeps sweeping over Lucerys plate as the omega talks to his cousins. “I knew after how he was with Helaena when she was expecting.”
“Aemond is a very responsible alpha,” Alicent agrees. If there was such a thing as too responsible she would say that he was that. She knew he watched over his older siblings in a way that almost made her wish their positions were reversed, often dragging Aegon home before his brother met those with unflattering opinions about the crown after drinking so much he can no longer stand or keeping Helaena and the children company when Aegon seemed to forget his wife and sister existed. And now Aemond was mated to the very boy who had taken his eye and was taking more care in ensuring Lucerys health and safety than most could claim from their husbands and certainly more than the bastard deserved.
He has studied more and trained harder than anyone else in the family. Claimed the largest dragon that still breathes. And despite all of it only is getting something to his name because he is marrying the bastard son of Rhaenyra.
Aemond deserves Driftmark even if it is not his by birthright.
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It is Aemond’s fault. Lucerys was getting cramps and he wouldn’t let him do aything until he got checked over.
#Lucemond#aemond x lucerys#aemond targaryen#lucerys velaryon#alicent hightower#Blood for Blood#HOTD#GOT mpreg#mpreg#GOT omegaverse#omegaverse#when I say I've had a wild week#I got suckerpunched while waiting in line at a 7-11 to buy doughnuts#and that's on top of having a 2 day turn around urgent project dumped on my desk#at work#and people messaging me trying to organise a photoshoot in June#plus trying to organise the 4 events with varying degrees of being my responsibility#from this weekend#I am so tired and sore already#and it's only Thursday night
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work again tomorrow
#why do we only have 2 weekends#i think we all should have 4 day 20 hr work week. it would benefit us all in the society#arnold’s laments
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