#and 2 “knives do not typically come with storms. however...” is fucking hilarious to me. like.

[squarebracketsmileyface]

Another song for My Girl, My Girl, My Girl

Honestly a lot of Half.Alive songs fit really well with Sorry, It's Locked in general. Like, I have one for Birdie and Tim in Crossroads and I have this one for My Girl. I don't know what it is about their songs, but they're just so perfect for this series, especially the quieter moments, you know? They're the exact kind of nostalgic/happy-sad vibes I want a lot of the quiet moments to have, i think.

Honestly, now that I'm really thinking about it, this song feels like it fits kinda the whole series, a little bit.

I never told You never asked 'Til I got older I kept it wrapped You had me holding up my past I came to know it's what I want so bad

For My Girl i think this just feels like if Jay had actually realised he was trans, like, got a lot further down that line than he actually will. It's like him realising how much he hid and now that Tim's pointed things out to him, he can look back on his life and kinda notice all the moments from when he was younger that were evidence of him being trans, even if at the time and for a long while after he didn't think twice about them.

And Tim did sort of ask Jay if he was trans, but the second Jay denied it he backed down and let it go. Sort of. He still sets up their forced fem and general fem sex stuff in a way that he hopes will make Jay feel more comfortable actually exploring his gender. But as far as Jay's concerned, or would be concerned if he lived long enough to figure it out, Tim never asked so Jay didn't tell him he was trans until way later on. As in, had Jay lived it would have taken him close to 5-10 years before he told Tim he was trans.

He would figure it out eventually, though. He'd take a while, but eventually he'd realise that what he wanted was actually to be she and her and Lark.

You know I wanna live to fast And die too young It ain't that bad Just don't look up I found my path is that enough?

This is kind of Jay's attitude to everything in my head. Like, i don't know it just is. He definitely lives too fast, and he's going to die too young. He downplays things a lot (though, he also makes other things out to be worse than they are? He's a bit all over the place) like, I'm pretty sure he actually says the words "It wasn't that bad" or "It's not that bad" in S,IL itself at some point, when he's talking to Tim about Alex.

He's pretty sure he's not going to live very long though. That's his path, he doesn't want it to happen, he wants to survive this whole thing with Tim and go on with their lives after, but he's not fully convinced they'll get that. It's mostly just a nice thought for him.

Well I was getting used to what I thought was love It made me laugh I came undone 'Cause all I had Was not enough

Jay's understanding of If It Ain't Broken and everything that happened in that. Like, yeah yeah he knew Alex wasn't in love with him, but he did get used to their relationship and how it was, and that became what he thought all/most relationships would be in his life. And everything he had to give Alex 'wasn't enough' to make Alex love him back (or so he thought), and that did make him come undone a little bit, yknow? It fucked him up really bad, not just in the "oh poor guy he's so hurt and upset by it" way, but also in the "Oh he doesn't really understand boundaries and really needs to work on his ability to communicate what he wants properly" way.

I want you to move me I want you to move me Step into the moonlight Throw your weight in to me

Okay, so, this bit's like, lyrically it fits very well with Jay's inability to ask for what he wants and him just wanting Tim to do whatever so Jay doesn't have to deal with the embarrassment of telling Tim what he wants and why he wants it. He just wants Tim to make him do it.

On the other hand, this song is so very gently upbeat that something as serious as that feels inappropriate to connect to it. The mention of moonlight reminds me of the fic White Noise which is to be uploaded after this next chapter of My Girl. Jay and Tim go stargazing together and end up leaning against each other as they sit on the roof of one of their cars. They do this for Jay's birthday, and the gesture is incredibly moving to Jay, as it is a celebration of him still being alive that he had previously (in chapter three) assured Tim was not necessary.

I want your storms Shaking the trees I want your waves Breaking on me I want your knife To cut the seams When all the feelings Tie me up to be

This verse clearly would be a reference to Jay and Alex's past relationship, both in university and two years prior to My Girl, when they had sex for the first and last time since university. This works for both of those relationships, as both were hectic and turbulent and harmful to all involved. Storms that shake the trees often rend branches from their home trunks and can leave people with devastating injuries as well as a fear of storms that they never before held. Storm waves can do the same, dashing people upon rocks and causing clifftops to slump or crumble, dragging any hapless victims who may had been standing there to their deaths.

Knives do not typically come with storms, however often within Sorry, It's Locked Jay would make references and allusions to heartbreak by speaking about Alex holding his heart in his hands after having carved it from his chest with a knife. Alex was always insinuated to be careless with Jay's heart not only for having carved it from his chest (a bloody, gruesome and deadly action to take) but also because once he had Jay's heart in his hands he would continue to use the knife upon it. This was meant as a comment on how even after Jay had given Alex everything he had, even going so far as to allow him to claim Jay's heart as his own without giving anything in return, Alex still continued to cause harm to Jay simply because he wanted to. He had nothing more to gain from the damage he caused, he simply wanted to do it, so he did.

You know I wanna live to fast And die too young It ain't that bad Just don't look up I found my path is that enough? Well I was getting used to what I thought was love It made me laugh I came undone 'Cause all I had Was not enough

After the previous verse, the chorus takes on a new meaning, talking more about how Jay would have allowed Alex to destroy him in his entirety simply because he thought he loved him, despite how Alex hurt him and the knowledge that Alex would never love him back. He convinces himself that what is happening between them isn't 'that bad' and convinces himself that there is nothing better for him to look up and try to find. He is content to continue down this path of destruction at Alex's hands.

mutual destruction dude? Alex wasn't the only one at fault?? like, at all? he was just as hurt by their uni relationship as Jay was, probably more honestly.

My apologies.

I want you to move me I want you to move me Step into the moonlight Throw your weight in to me

Once again, the chorus takes on a new meaning when thought about in the context of Jay and Alex's university relationship. Jay and Alex's university relationship was built around mutually agreed upon power dynamics and dominance and submission, often with Alex physically moving Jay around as he pleased or 'throwing his weight into him' in order to hold him down. This was, of course, all at least mostly agreed upon by the two of them (although my understanding is that they should have spoken about it far more and far more freely than they did, as miscommunication between them did lead to situations with dubiously consensual elements)

Be my chain Where I stand Want to be my song When I can't dance Light my fire And burn the trees No, I won't get tired When I can't breathe

Okay. SO. one just generally i really like this line, like, yeah idk i just do. But like, i think it just works so well for both Jam and Jaylex, yknow? like, idk it's like all those ocean metaphores i use for Jay's relationships, with Alex being a stormy ocean that's dangerous and getting subby with him was like drowning whereas Tim was a calm, peaceful ocean and getting subby with him is like floating in a calm, warm sea.

"Be my chain where i stand" can either be "hey, you're tethering me to earth and making me feel more real and secure and safe because I can't just float away and suffocate in the vastness of space." OR it can be "You're fucking trapping me let me go, these chains are hurting me and i long for freedom. My wrists and ankles are raw from the shackles, just let me go." That last one can both be how Jay felt about Alex and that relationship back in uni, OR it can more specifically be Jay about how he can't ever seem to quite get over Alex and how his continued like, love for him is causing him pain because he knows the relationship was bad for him and he knows Alex will never love him back. well he thinks Alex will never love him back. He is wrong about that one tho lol

"Want to be my song when i can't dance" can also be both Jam and Jaylex. Like, chapter 2 of S,IL, duh, all those songs on the radio that just felt like they were making fun of Jay because of how fucked up his relationship with Alex was, and because he was daydreaming about getting to dance around the kitchen with Alex and wondering if Amy did that with him, knowing that he wasn't going to get that cute domestic stuff with Alex no matter how badly he wanted it. OR. it can be jam. it can be Jam inn chapter three of My Girl, because they are going to get to dance to the radio together like Jaylex never did and it's gonna be wonderful.

Also "When i can't dance i want you to move me" does fall a bit back to the whole Jay cant ask for what he wants thing, but I think it's probably in a softer way, yknow? Like, feeling awkward or lost in Tim's kitchen because he never got anything like this with Alex so he doesn't really know what he's doing. He's not good at romance even though he craves it, so he needs Tim to teach him the steps (both the steps to the dance and the steps to take to make their relationship work and be healthy)

"Light my fire And burn the trees No, I won't get tired When I can't breathe" again this just feels like the whole "ocean metaphores for both relationships but in different ways" thing. Alex was a distructive fire that made it hard to breath and Jay was so exhilarated by it that the adrenaline stopped him getting tired of it, even when it hurt him. Tim is like a campfire, all warm and glowing and you roast marshmallows on it with your loved ones, sure the heat still makes it hard to breath when you're close enough to it so you can roast your marshmallows (??? I think I'm using marshmallows as a metaphore for them having sex???) but it's not an all encompasing forest fire, there's more to this fire than just using the heat to roast marshmallows. You can just sit by it and swap stories, you can use it to warm up and recharge after a long, tiring day. Jay can never get tired of this fire, not because the adrenaline is keeping him awake, just because who could get tired of a campfire? they're so lovely.

I want you to move me Be my chain Where I stand Want to be my song When I can't dance I want you to move me Light my fire And burn the trees No, I won't get tired When I can't breathe Step into the moonlight Be my chain Where I stand Want to be my song When I can't dance Throw your weight in to me Light my fire And burn the trees No, I won't get tired When I can't breathe

Same

Be my chain Where I stand Would you be my song When I can't dance Light my fire And burn the trees No, I won't get tired When I can't breathe

Same