#and ‘it’s a lot but it’s fun anyways’ isn’t a negative point lol bat just has a lot going on all the time but that’s what makes them fun

[akkivee]

part of the 8th live dual division look backs abema has been posting has been a segment where the seiyuu guess the top nine most memorable things viewers thought about from their lives (and had guessed with varying degrees of success lol) so here’s what we got so far!!!!

🔵mtc🔵

embodies the characters very well

cool outfits

the vibe differences between their free talk parts and music

they never smile during their songs

strong pyrotechnics

dangerous appeal

shooting up the crowd

cigarette kiss

overwhelming sex appeal

🟠dh🟠

sweaty leader

cute choreography that’s easy to imitate

live rap quality is as good as the studio version

bright and energising

smiles all around

a comedy trio

could tell they’re good friends

performing at 100% from beginning to end

acting drunk performance

⚪️mtr⚪️

hayami-san’s dancing

could tell there’s mutual respect between them

live talk part was adorable

insane vibe differences between the songs

cool adults appeal

hifumi’s solos are really hype

camera and lighting effects matched the songs well

stable singing throughout

the props were fun

🟣bat🟣

a lot of eye contact

explosive force

performers growth with each live

the mic stand during moonlight shadow

complete character possession

the vibe differences between their free talk parts and music

it’s a lot but it’s fun

takeuchi-san’s dancing

familial trinity

[chainofclovers]

Grace and Frankie 7x1 - 7x4 thoughts

Meh? Like...I love them so much, but...meh?

(I did enjoy this line about brunch.)

I really loved season 6 of Grace and Frankie. I thought it was well-paced, largely very well-acted, generally well-written, and it culminated in a massive moment of character development for the title characters, who, having spent years growing closer and being there for each other when others could not or would not be, finally articulate to each other that they are the primary person in each other’s lives. Platonic gal pal soulmate BFF emotional support witches 4 lyfe!

I know progress isn’t always linear, and in fact is very rarely linear, but after a moment that significant, you’d think the writers on this show would maybe come up with some more interesting things for these characters to do than spin in circles?

@bristler and I watched on Friday night, and just this morning over breakfast had a good conversation about the first four episodes of the new season now that they have settled in our brains a bit. We concluded that the writing (often noticeably clunky, like the dialogue is responsible for more narration than usual) and the tone (aggressively wacky) feel really off, especially compared to the prior season. I think we diagnosed the big issue, which is that Lily Tomlin and Jane Fonda are by far the most talented actors on this show (if you disagree, fight me in the parking lot) and it feels surprisingly unfortunate that their characters have, to this point in the new season, pretty much figured out their perspectives on each other. No matter how people feel about Grace and Frankie’s sexualities, the whole show has been about them finding each other and getting in deeper and deeper, and it’s less interesting to watch other characters have realizations about that than it is to watch Grace and Frankie having realizations about themselves. If the title characters are now limited to reacting to other people’s actions, and the title characters are played by the best actors on the show, the whole show’s gonna suffer. And is suffering, very much so, at least for these first four episodes. I’m definitely still excited for the final twelve in 2022 (twelve! I cannot believe this season will have sixteen eps!), but I’m pretty disappointed so far.

Stuff I Loved:

The family brunch. These families have been entwined for so long, and the backstory for this particular brunch was so fun (even though I didn’t care for the effects they did to depict Grace and Robert 25 years ago; there was no need for a visual flashback in the scene). I love that Grace hit Frankie with a wiffle ball bat. I love that the two couples realized some of the emotional reasons behind their decisions to lie to each other about Bud’s Bunny and about M’Challah. I love the way Jane Fonda sounds uttering the phrase “Bud’s Bunny” with little to no irony. I love that Grace is able to recognize and articulate just how deep and miserable her anger issues were, albeit with the continued help of her omnipresent martini, and that Frankie told her she’d now make up a holiday in order to spend more time with Grace. I really, really hope Frankie does exactly this at some point in the remaining episodes of the season. I love that Grace is generally a pretty good person now, with aspirations of being a delightful person. I love that she and Frankie don’t have it in them to stay angry with each other, and I love all the evidence that they really, really talk to each other about everything now.

Frankie talking to the man at the office (I don’t remember who he was supposed to be? A toilet manufacturer? I didn’t mention this before, but I actually got pretty high while watching?!? Believe it or not, this was the first time I smoked pot and watched Grace and Frankie at the same time despite having enjoyed both activities on their own for quite some time. I would recommend the combo! And I think I still pretty much got what was happening) about paying for the toilet parts with candy. This whole subplot with the money laundering was absurd and not that interesting, but I loved this particular scene because it was finally evidence of some really thoughtful writing. The concepts aren’t enough! You have to write them into good dialogue! And the whole cash/candy thing was a moment of dialogue that only someone as hilarious as Lily Tomlin could pull off. Which she did, IMO.

In a show about super messy people, Coyote has stayed sober this entire time. He is sober, employed, in love, and preparing to buy a full-sized house with his partner. He hasn’t murdered anyone in his family. Hasn’t even attempted murder once.

In 2017 or whatever, Grace Hanson would have been furious about Frankie using obscure Beatles references like a treasure map when hiding the cash. But here in 2021, she cooperates and even gets in on the fun. The writing is very unsubtle this season, but that did feel like a reasonably subtle moment that shows how good of a partner she is for Frankie. (Platonic, of course! So platonic. Female friendship, amirite?)

Stuff I Did NOT Love and Felt Incredibly Negative About:

Brianna. I can only conclude that June Diane Raphael has decided she’s happy with playing a character whose primary role in life is to be hot and mean. She succeeds at being hot and mean, but I have reached my limit with this character. I realize we’re only a quarter of the way into the season, but I don’t think I can take another arc about her learning to compromise only to reveal to Barry that she never intended to compromise at all. At this point, it’s both abusive and boring. How?! The Grace/Brianna parallels aren’t interesting anymore, because one character has grown and the other is stagnant. I get that Brianna was raised in an emotionally stilted environment by two unhealthy people. But I think it would be very cool if she could learn something from her mother at this point. Grace has put a ton of effort into dealing with her “rabbit-killing, mad-at-the-world anger.” She’s put a ton of effort into figuring out what makes her happy, what she wants her life to look like. She’s even started accepting her age and abilities without shame. And that growth is believable; Grace is still short-tempered and she still slugs back way too many martinis and she struggles to articulate certain things, but she’s grown into a truly lovely human. And while, as a daughter with a mother, I can absolutely attest to the fact that it can be difficult and uncomfortable to learn lessons from one’s mother, Brianna really, really should. Grace spent decades letting anger and shame trap her in a small, miserable life. Brianna—and even Mallory, who just seems like a vapid idiot this season—are traveling that same path, but there’s someone right there who could really help, maybe even more than Frankie helped when the Hanson girls were first growing up.

The arraignment. The scene might’ve been salvageable if it was filmed from Grace’s perspective, and filmed to reflect how surreal and improbable it all was. But speaking of non-linear progress, this scene erased everything Nick Skolka has done to put himself in my good graces (LOL) over the past couple seasons. I mean, I tried, man. I even wrote fic about Nick, Grace, and Frankie making a genuine effort at polyamory. But the arraignment is so emotionally manipulative, such a slap in the face of everything Grace has worked for, and while we’re certainly “supposed” to feel the weight of the moment, I mean, it’s not like we’re supposed to be like, “Oh, cool, we’re in a rom com now! This is adorable!” it still felt bad and unearned and slapdash.

And I want Frankie to process these things with her! Frankie seems so happy to have all this information about Grace and how Grace feels, but I want to see scenes in which we can gain an understanding of how Frankie actually feels. Hearing Frankie talk to other people about how Grace feels is interesting, but it’s like there’s no room in these episodes for us to learn anything new about Frankie herself.

Grace’s transitional wig. Is so. Bad. It is. Such a. Bad wig. Oof. I mean, I like what they’re doing with Grace’s hair from a plot perspective, although (see one bullet up) I would really like to get more of an understanding of what’s happening in Grace’s head, not just on top of her head. And gosh, Frankie would be a really good person to talk to about this in a conversation that lasts longer than 30 seconds. But the wig! She’s in a wig in all four episodes, of course, since Jane Fonda went grey and cut her hair short before they started filming this season. The wig for episodes 1 and 2 is fine; it’s a good approximation of Grace’s typical hair, and of course we know that canonically Grace’s hair isn’t 100% her own hair anyway. But the wig with grey roots looks so weird. The part that’s growing out doesn’t look the same as the hair on the wig from 1 and 2. And the grey roots look like a yarmulke. I cannot wait to get to the point in the season when Grace goes all the way grey.

(One more thing about the hair. I can’t let it go. I paused the show while we were watching to rant, but I’m not done.) I had the great privilege of seeing Jane Fonda in person at a protest in 2019. She is an insanely beautiful human. She was growing her hair out and it was partially dyed blonde and partially grey. It looked really cool. I am not ashamed to say I spent that day learning many things about the climate crisis and about Jane Fonda’s hair. Having seen her in real life with her real hair looking that fucking great, I just have a an extra-large grudge against everyone involved in that horrible wig. The wig is necessary, but it didn’t have to be this bad.

What Do I Care About Now?

I am pretty intrigued by the way Grace threw out her real age in a conversation with Nick and Elena. She has nothing to fear anymore! She’s so chill about aging! What could go wrong? I assume that Nick and Elena maneuvering for Nick to be on house arrest in Grace's house specifically has to do with the fact that Grace is 82. She’s gonna find out that Nick is allowed to be with her because she’s ancient and helpless and the court took pity. Or something like that. She’s going to feel betrayed on top of feeling stifled and overwhelmed by Nick’s presence. I want to see where this goes for sure.

Other than that, and other than the fact that I really do continue to believe this show is moving in a direction in which Grace and Frankie will choose each other, I feel very whatever about this whole thing. I love this show and I will always appreciate this show for giving me some incredible characters to spend years of my life writing about, and for bringing me some pretty amazing friendships. Speaking of those friendships, yesterday @ellydash and @telanu and I were talking about some of the incredible TV we’ve watched recently, like Ted Lasso and Hacks and Fleabag and Killing Eve, and how great it feels to watch beautifully written TV crafted by writers who are profoundly—organically yet intentionally—attuned to even the most minor character’s rhythm. The disappointment of these first few episodes of the new G&F season feels like a mild disappointment rather than a sharp heartbreak, and that has a lot to do with being deeply invested in other shows that could also go in all kinds of different directions but with writing I fundamentally trust.

Also Jane Fonda and Lily Tomlin are my forever faves and my appreciation for their performances and general awesomeness onscreen and in life is undiminished. So that’s pretty cool.

[dubious-signs]

THE POSITIVE & NEGATIVE: MUN & MUSE

Fill out and repost ♥ This meme definitely favors canons more, but I hope OCs still can make it somehow work with their own lore, and lil’ fandom of friends & mutuals. Multimuses pick the muse you are the most invested in at the moment. TAGGED BY: @wardogxicarus 💜 TAGGING: anyone who wants to do this! MY MUSE IS. canon / oc / au / canon-divergent / fandomless is your character popular in the fandom? YES / NO / N/A is your character considered hot™ in the fandom? YES / NO / N/A is your character considered strong in the fandom? YES / NO / N/A are they underrated? YES / NO / N/A were they relevant to the main story? YES / NO / N/A were they relevant to the main character? YES / NO / THEY’RE THE ‘PROTAG’ / N/A are they widely known in their world? YES / NO / N/A how’s their reputation? GOOD / BAD / NEUTRAL / N/A

HOW STRICTLY DO YOU FOLLOW CANON? I use what I like and toss out all the rest lol. So not super strictly. I'm also a fan of mashing up ideas from different continuities. SELL YOUR MUSE! (aka try to list everything, which makes your muse interesting in your opinion to make them spicy for your mutual.)

Has alien robot friends she could introduce you to

Is learning *magic*

A lot of weird shit has happened to her so she can handle most weird stuff/will believe your muse about things that maybe the average person wouldn't

Will go to bat for your muse if they're tight

NOW THE OPPOSITE! (list everything why your muse could not be so interesting (even if you may not agree, what does the fandom perhaps think?))

Is a female human oc (let's not pretend this isn't still a problem for some people)

Won't put up with your muse's xenophobic/racist/sexist/queerphobic/etc behavior. And she will question relationships she has to those that do let that shit slide

Backstory ties are to more oc's, so it can be a little hard to justify how/why she may be meeting new characters (but I mean I do it anyway lol) 

WHAT INSPIRED YOU TO RP YOUR MUSE? I have another blog with some oc's of mine, and I made it that they've had human friends throughout their time on Earth. I wanted to actually flesh out one of the families they know, had the skeleton of Cass and her fam left over from another project, so I adapted them to fit into Transformers. Then I remembered how much I loved Cass and here we are. WHAT KEEPS YOUR INSPIRATION GOING? Reading. Whether it be rp threads, fanfics, books, seeing other people bring their ideas to life motivates me to do the same. SOME MORE PERSONAL QUESTIONS, FOR THE MUN

do you think you give your character justice? YES / NO / I hope so do you frequently write head canons? YES / NO / Kinda do you sometimes write drabbles? YES / NO do you think a lot about your muse during the day? YES / NO are you confident in your portrayal? YES / NO are you confident in your writing? YES / NO are you a sensitive person? YES / NO / Kinda 

DO YOU ACCEPT CRITICISM WELL ABOUT YOUR PORTRAYAL? Yes, but only actually constructive criticism. The biggest thing being that Cass is black and Japanese, while I am white. I don't bring up certain topics because I don't feel it's my place to discuss them, but I want to acknowledge that Cass has a different perspective and view of the world than I do.

That being said, if your "criticism" is that you just don't like a certain aspect of her personality or something, that's a you problem. Everyone is not going to like every character. If Cass doesn't vibe with you, that’s fine. There’s nothing that says you’re obligated to follow or interact with me. But I’m not going to change her just to fit your personal likes for a character.

DO YOU LIKE QUESTIONS, WHICH HELP YOU EXPLORE YOUR CHARACTER? 

Yes! Sometimes I can be a bit slow with answering them, especially if it’s about something I haven’t put thought into before, but I really appreciate any interest in Cass! IF SOMEONE DISAGREES TO A HEAD CANON OF YOURS, DO YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY? If it’s about Cass, I’d be confused, since she’s my oc. If it’s about the TF universe then... sometimes it’s fun to discuss the different headcanons you ascribe to, but other times there’s really not much else to say beyond “I like/don’t like xyz” and that’s that. IF SOMEONE DISAGREES WITH YOUR PORTRAYAL, HOW WOULD YOU TAKE IT? Again, would be confused by someone disagreeing with the portrayal of my oc. IF SOMEONE REALLY HATES YOUR CHARACTER, HOW DO YOU TAKE IT? You can keep your opinion to yourself and move on. Unless I’ve said or done something that’s actually hurtful ooc, there’s no reason to tell me if you “hate” Cass.  ARE YOU OKAY WITH PEOPLE POINTING OUT YOUR GRAMMATICAL ERRORS? Honestly, I don’t mind if anyone just edits them in the post themselves if it’s obvious what I meant to write. Of course, if an error makes my intent confusing or unclear, you can ask me about it-- heck, even if it’s not an error but just my phrasing that doesn’t make sense, please feel free to ask me to reword or explain what I meant.

DO YOU THINK YOU’RE EASY GOING AS A MUN?

Yeah.

[youngjustus]

I really liked your Bart post, could you make a post about Tim, Kon and Cassie's personalities too?

i’m glad you liked my post! these are probably going to be shorter than my bart response since you’re asking for the other three at once, but

thankfully, i already have this comic vs cartoon meta typed up regarding conner here. there is a lot more i can say about conner in the comics than what i went over in this post, but i think that that’s enough to get a basic feel for who he is. but if you have any specific questions regarding some stuff i did or didn’t bring up in that post, you’re absolutely free to ask more about him.

for tim, the first trait of his that comes to my mind immediately is that he feels immensely guilty about literally everything, even things that couldn’t possibly be his fault. there are a lot, a lot of instances of other characters commenting on or telling him that he’s being too hard on himself!

(titans / young justice: graduation day #2, 2003)

he usually comes off as very serious and/or depressed a lot of times to others because of this - which isn’t to say that he’s never made a joke ever or done anything fun ever, because he has. (and this is also is not me saying that he is the only character ever that struggles with mental health.) he has a very hard time, for a long time, balancing his vigilante and civilian lives, and feels guilty lying to both parties. the most obvious case of this is with his dad and batman; tim feels a more father/son connection with bruce despite his own dad being alive (for a while at least), especially when there are other people who have it way worse than him. in addition, the secret identity thing is a huge plot point of young justice vol. 1, making for interesting trust dynamics between the team, especially with conner!

he’s very much in his own head, worries about everything, and very avoidant when it comes to his own feelings. this is shown in… almost every issue of all 4 volumes of robin, red robin, a lot of young justice issues, teen titans vol. 3, as well as some other misc comics he’s appeared in.

(adventure comics vol. 2 #3, 2009)

he is very lonely for a long time because of his parents being gone so often when he was a kid! this is why he projected so much onto and invested so much time into batman and robin, following their exploits. this is why he cared so much when he saw bruce slipping after jason died.

(robin vol. 4 #11, 1994)

i think it’s really important to remember that he says “look, i never wanted this for myself…” with reference to becoming robin. he makes the conscious decision to help someone because he can.

how i choose to interpret a lonely place of dying is a message of “you’re never really as alone as you perceive yourself to be, and someone always wants you in their life”, and i think that that applies to a lot of tim’s relationships with the other bats and the other members of the core four. he’s very grateful for them and knows in the back of his mind that he’d be worse off without them. (does he always remember this? no, but that’s a different and longer conversation.)

as for something that’s not sad or fake deep as hell, his sense of humour is often times very sarcastic, but can also be self deprecating and there is the occasional pun. he does make a number of pop culture references (but not nearly as many as conner); the one i can remember off the top of my head that always makes me laugh is him referencing elmer fudd from looney tunes (“be vewwy qwuiet! i’m hunting langstroms!”). he’s also usually the one at the end of a series with long inner monologues or speeches about the power of friendship, which i think is equally corny and sweet.

here is a really neat response to a fan letter in the back of an issue of robin, i think vol. 4:

unfortunately, i don’t remember what specific issue this is, but i felt it was worth sharing.

finally, as for cassie, i really love her and i’m honestly really sad that, of the four, she’s the only one who never got an on going solo series; she has two limited series that come to a total of 7 issues. (but i remember them being pretty good actually!)

anyways, the first things we learn about cassie in her debut are that she and her single mom have a rocky relationship, and she is very stubborn and a huge trouble maker.

(wonder woman vol. 2 #105, 1996)

her mom works at a museum as an archeologist and later we find out that her father is zeus. but before we and cassie learn that, cassie does meet him and asks him to grant “[her] fondest wish”, which, like most teenage girls, is to have super powers and work with her heroes.

(wonder woman vol. 2 #122, 1997)

she very intensely hero worships diana and donna (just as tim does with dick, and bart does with barry)! she even goes as far as to wear a black wig in her early days as wonder girl to not only help conceal her identity, but also to look more like the two of them. donna later gives cassie her old red wonder girl costume, which cassie carefully stores away and doesn’t wear because she doesn’t want to “ruin it” (the double entendre!).

cassie is not an amazon, not fully human, and not fully a god, so she, at times, feels out of place in her social circles. being accepted as an honourary amazon, being allowed to be wonder girl, fighting alongside diana and donna, being on the young justice team, being a titan, all means a lot to her - especially considering her relationships with her parents and the fact that she’s an only child.

like the three boys, cassie is very brave, and cares very deeply about everyone and everything! she’s a good leader, being team leader for both young justice and the titans, but, part of just how she is, and part of being a leader, she generally has a very hard time asking for help and coping in a healthy way with negative emotions; see fifty two, wonder girl vol. 1, and a lot of teen titans vol. 3 after issue #34.

(wonder woman vol. 3 #27, 2009)

(wonder girl vol. 2 #1, 2011)

Someone Hug Her More Please

i love that she’s kind of rowdy and that she loves beating up bad guys. she’s enthusiastic, and when she was younger she was very eager to prove herself. she’s very happy to be part of so many amazing things!

(young justice vol. 1 #7, 1999) (this is also why i hate the yj cartoon lol can you spot the tone difference??)

also she has a fucking sick special lasso that’s made of lightning that was gifted to her from ares, and it gets more powerful and intense the angrier she is. I Just Think That’s Neat.

anyways, uhhhh these are kind of abridged responses (i think i actually ended up making these as long as my bart one, whoops), but i hope that my explanations make some sense?? there’s a lot more i could say, but i’ve been working on this and leaving you hanging long enough.

i also hope that with that you can kind of start to see some similarities between them? and see why they’re such good friends? they’re all very grateful to have the people that they have in their lives, all struggle with mental health, all want so badly to do good, all want to be accepted, all have complicated relationships regarding the heroic legacy, etc. i really love them all!

[bthump]

what do you think of the new band of the hawk? also what do you think is going to happen with charlotte?

I like them a lot.

Also I think we’re meant to like them which I find v interesting and hopeful lol. Like from Raksas who is a huge dick but also very entertaining and fun to Grunbeld who has a whole backstory novel in which he’s 100% sympathetic protagonist from everything I’ve heard about it, they’re made to be likeable characters. Which is great because it makes it less likely we’re headed for some kind of boring Guts’ side vs Griffith’s side, Good vs Evil story lol.

Not that I’m too worried about any conflict between them being framed as simplistically as good vs evil, but still. 

My ideal plotline is probably Guts’ side and Griffith’s side teaming up against a greater antagonist, like those few chapters where Guts rode Zodd into battle against Ganeshka writ large, and the fact that Griffith’s side of the story isn’t framed as evil or even antagonistic but as protagonists of their own narrative makes that seem more possible.

Failing that, just like I love Guts getting monstrous without literally becoming a monster I love seeing apostles that are sympathetic and humane. Moreso than say, Rosine who is sympathetic but also yk, pretty damn fucked up regardless, apostles like eg Locus are just chill. Locus is like a famous knight who apparently exorcised his apostle bloodlusty urges by competing in tournaments before he joined Griffith, and since joining Griffith has been pretty dedicated to fostering peace between humans and between humans and apostles. Give or take possibly sending Raksas after Rickert (or possibly not, we don’t know yet) he hasn’t done a single negative thing that we know of. Same with Irvine, who seems to hunt animals, rather than people, and Grunbeld who has the aforementioned novel where he’s p much portrayed as heroic as far as I can tell, and Zodd who is compared to Guts the most when it comes to the whole man vs monster thing.

So yk even if they do ultimately end up fighting Guts, I feel like it’s not going to be a simple conflict where we’re meant to root for one side or the other. Tonally the fact that there’s a conflict at all would probably be depicted as negative.

as an aside, imo the biggest argument against that hope tbh is the new fast travel system which feels like nothing but set up for an eventual attack on Elfhelm, but yk what, I’ve also been arguing that Eflhelm is going to end up being manipulative assholes, so maybe it’ll all work out in my favour anyway. Like maybe they’ll show up just as the readers suddenly realize we want someone to kick Elfhelm’s ass.

Like Miura has talked about writing Griffith as a protagonist of his own story, and you don’t spend a hundred chapters on a narrative that follows those protagonist/heroic story beats just to suddenly make them evil no good antagonists again lol.

I feel like Guts and Griffith’s stories are going to end up being basically morally equivalent from different angles. Man vs inner monster; monster vs inner man lol. Human volition, monstrous strength, yadda yadda yadda.

Like this is one of the strongest themes of the story lol, one brief scene where they team up cannot be the sole payoff, come on. Especially when it’s Guts and Griffith in conflict, rather than Guts and Zodd who don’t have that whole history of being ridiculously in love with each other.

Anyway like, the two sides don’t necessarily need to team up again, but conflict between Guts and Griffith’s narratives falls soundly on the monster side and it’s gonna be depicted as such, and therefore negative. like guts will be consumed by the armour when that happens and he’ll probably have killed or will kill one or more of his friends as well, that kind of negative.

When it comes to Charlotte though, I really have no idea lol. If I have any guess at all, it’s that she’s probably not going to do anything particularly significant. Like, thematically she’s got nothing going on that I can think of, she’s just kind of there being in love with Griffith and enabling his power grab, so I can’t really theorize about how she’ll fit into any future conflict.

I know a lot of people want her to learn about Femto/the Eclipse in the hopes that the rose coloured glasses break, because in a way i think she’s kind of representative of buying Griffith’s perfect image, but I doubt it. Even if she does like, see him transform into Femto or something lol, even if all of Falconia sees it, I don’t think it’ll change anything. They’ve seen him lead an army of monsters and speculated about whether he’s even human already, showing off a black outfit and bat wings is probably not going to make or break anything for him relationship or publicity-wise at this point.

I guess my biggest hope wrt Charlotte is just that she’ll get some screen time acting in some capacity as a leader. She’s got some inner strength at least, as we saw like, during the Griffith rescue mission a million years ago, let’s see her use it in some way as queen.

[babiewonho]

can u write an essay on kihyun now please don't just saw beat root thanks QUEEN uwu

kihyun’s personality is so funny and contradictory to me lmao like he has such a big personality and um wow i just got distracted bc i put on drew barrymore by sza and it was playing at half speed bc i just played the COME GET YALL JUICE vine at half speed but anyways

first and foremost i think kihyun is very Capable like kihyun is like. so good at being an adult like he just knows how to do everything it’s so weird it’s like he was born just Knowin. like he’s just so confident and he’s good at speaking most of the time and like he said he would go to vocal lessons while working two jobs that weren’t even close to each other like he’d have to take the train and he’s so determined even going to school like he’s been doing while promoting as an idol like he just has a really type a personality and he wants to be good at everything and he has the drive to achieve that as much as any human can it’s very respectable and imo a very attractive quality like i feel like if i asked him how to do anything he’d know for some reason

he’s very charming and he knows it and sometimes it’s greasy LMAO like when they had to do the pick up lines in that video and mx were dying in the bg but it’s very effective i think that’s really good for networking etc and he’s so friendly to other ppl he acts like he already knows them but he isn’t like…overstepping boundaries which is imo the way to become friends with someone wh said one time that to get close with ppl you just have to act close i think and that’s what kihyun does he seems very sociable and friendly and easy to talk to like he makes an effort to keep the conversation going and get on the speaker’s level/help them understand the topic 

tying in with him being rly capable he’s so good at cleaning n cooking like why is he so damn responsible lmao share some of those skills w/ me…wtf…but like wow that’s rly a whole adult i bet he even does his taxes on time but he takes his work so seriously and like he’s not even a dancer but he puts so much focus n energy into dance and it shows he’s so impressive…i…i hate it

so! i think what makes ppl misunderstand kihyun is he has this weird like…sharp outside/soft inside thing going on…coughs tsundere   but by that i mean  he’s not Genuinely mean   but he plays along well with others esp 93 line they have a very cozy n roasty dynamic going on and he’s quick to tease others in a friendly way unfortunately ppl take that as ONE personality archetype the “savage” just like shakespeare invented and that ONE personality trait supercedes ALL OTHERS n suddenly kihyun hates everyone like false…hello he’s just bein a scorpio (he’s born n like the First day of saggitarius but he himself has said he’s a scorpio n the time he was born rly indicates that so im just going with scorpio these   are the Facts) he ALSO…isn’t very comfortable with “mushy” stuff he’s fine giving compliments but when they get into genuine emotional things it’s not that he gets weirded out  it’s more like   it’s okay until He has to get mushy abt his own feelings at least from what i noticed

i was actually surprised bc kihyun is somewhat easily embarrassed and i didn’t expect him to be so nurturing on an emotional level like hugging changkyun when he cried, he sympathy cries w/ wonho lmao, comforting wonho when he cried during that one v live. i thought he’d be more of a supportive but awkward type in that situation but he actually empathizes really well. that’s why i think kihyun’s personality is so like  contrary there’s all these traits that seem to be the opposite of each other but melt together just fine in his personality

but he actually has a very nourishing presence he just seems to have like a different rule for himself and he doesn’t like to get all deep or w/e that’s so scorpio of him…it embarrasses him lol he doesn’t like emotional vulnerability if he thinks it opens him up in a negative way but here he goes again with the contradictions- he’s emotionally open with children and pets. he’s amazing with children and animals n feels a lot of love n affection towards them as well as the members but honestly i’ve practically raised my little brother from infancy to like four years old and i have very high standards for child care but kihyun takes such pride in his work as always n he luvs the Babies so he is very mm meticulous abt it. i got stressed when the kid’s heads weren’t supports while getting sleepy in their chairs n then the moment i got stressed kihyun’s hand wld fly out to support their heads and he held them and esp the sick babie :(( even when he cried kihyun didn’t get panicked as many ppl too and hand him off to one of the more experienced ladies he comforted the babie n held it n also

during mxray season 2 when they met the kids again he got all worried abt i cant remember which kid it was…jongwon! i think he was worried shownu wld hurt him by accident in the bounce house thingie lmao which i was worried abt too so he was like be gentler and my heart…she soared he rly cares abt them :(( in a very genuine way n also! at the batting cages v live there were kitties and he, wonho, and ck were worried abt them getting hurt. he’s just a very caring n loving person and he does engage in a lot of skinship like they said on the psychology analysis part of mxray but i think rather than physical affection he shows love through actions like waking the members up and finding stuff for wonho etc ordering the other members around n leading them in the right direction he definitely has a BIG leadership quality n a desire to be in control but he doesn’t let himself like usurp shownu’s position lmao he just relishes the times when he gets power

i always say it’s more like shownu, minhyuk, and kihyun are three coleaders and i think they all compliment each other extremely well and kihyun is a rly good mc esp in things like mon happy radio he and minhyuk are rly entertaining and work together really well which is rly cool

he rly rly loves the members in a very fond way they make him smile a lot and what i think is so funny is i think kihyun originally has more of a tendency in situations like that there’s something historically in comedy called a “straight man” (i know) where someone else acts like an idiot and this person basically doesnt find it amusing n acts serious or upset kasjfsf and i thought kihyun wld be like that but i think mx just has such a goofy energy and kihyun often engages in the goofiness but that seems to me like something that probably changed when he met the boys i can’t seem him being like that arnd other ppl but i think he’s very fond of their dynamic and embraces it now like he laughs in this Specific way when the members all get Ridiculous like he’s in fond disbelief like when they kept singing the UFC song!!! in no exit like he’s lovingly saying “these idiots” in his head it’s really cute tbh he’s just very often Fondly Exasperated like when mh ate the whipped cream at the end of that one vid/when ck ate food of the plates from other ppl in mxray you can just tell he has so much love for his members 

as for his relationship with 93 line that’s just pure love n friendship to the point of comfortably making fun of each other n i really hate when ppl act like it’s genuine hatred bc you can’t make jokes like that with people if you genuinely dislike them they’re just all three very comfortable with and fond of each others and build off each other very well comedically and the teams switch up as to who is making fun of who and like?? if they rly hated each other things like mon happy radio with mh and kh and the times when mh was absent and hw was the replacement would be possible. they get along fine for that and it’s like an HOUR long of just them together and they make jokes and they compliment each other like anyone with more than 2 brain cells knows they don’t actually hate each other but :) had 2 say that

CAPABILITY ASIDE kihyun has these moments of hilarious like…airheadedness   as demonstrated in aleena’s amazing gifset of kihyun being dumb. he’s so smart but he just lapses on the most ridiculous things aksjfasf it’s so funny  kihyun, staring at a seatbelt: does this go around my neck   is this the Neck Belt  Oh..  just youthful naivete which the other members bring up sometimes n his face when they got their first win :(( cld it be…kihyun is a soft babie!! it Cld !! :D

also vocal wise i’m not a Professional or anything but he’s rly one of the best vocals in kpop like breath support and not singing with strained notes and vocal agility he’s just so good he and shownu are actually different imo than a lot of kpop vocals who just sing n half of it’s like  rhythmic yelling lmao like he and shownu can both sing BALLADS well and with CONTROL they’re so incredible and kihyun has a pretty wide range imo it’s very healthy singing with lots of support 

anyways i wrote WAY more than i thought i was gonna be able to abt him there’s deadass like 1.7k words right here lmao like yall readin this? eyes emoji anyways i hope this makes some sense it’s 4 am…anyways i think kihyun’s personality is fascinating and i feel like i have quite a few personality traits in common with him but also i wanna arm wrestle him so damn bad im not even reading back through this and checking it’s too much LMAO

[anxiety-trademark]

The week in review:

Raw 09/07 NXT 09/08 Smackdown 09/11

Raw:

Peyton’s CAW theme sounds like menu music from a ps2 game. Terrible. I do like Billie Kay’s music, though.

That shade of lipstick is a no with that gear and hair, I’m sorry.

The blandest most basic stalemate sequence in women’s wrestling.

Great back and forth with the dialogue and slapping. Comedy is where they shine.

Been years yet still I’m surprised every time Billie Kay looks awful in the ring.

That dramatically loud piped in “oh” was a choice.

The way Billie Kay carries Peyton to the turnbuckle just to gently set her down is insanely disappointing.

I like the modified suplex.

The awful way Billie Kay waited around for that awful kick was awful.

The fact that Peyton’s finisher was referred to as merely a “neckbreaker” by the commentators, and their inability to sell its mortality, is all you need to know.

Great we get to hear Peyton’s CAW music again. Anyway.

Shayna is improving at talking, me thinks.

This pairing is good for her. Gives her a personality.

Appreciate Nattie and Lana’s color schemes matching. Points.

Again, Lana has her niche. She’s the singles version of the iiconics: awful af in the ring, but hilarious and can hold her own on the mic.

That Thesz Press was something.

I would prefer to see random Nattie vs Asuka matches tbh.

Asuka had to save Mickie from a near pinfall off of a facebuster. Whew okay.

Mickie slurringly screaming at an empty arena: “I’M GOING UP”. When is SD?

Camera missed the actual ending to the match. Lol okay. Bye.

Shayna and Ruby have negative 30 chemistry.

Nia gets points for mocking Shayna on the outside. “Boooo I’ve seen better,” kekekek

“What do you want me to do? A Samoan Drop?” Shayna mockingly asks Nia. “If you think you can,” Nia responds in doubt. I’m entertained.

pppffffttttt lost to a rollup. “I didn’t do anything. That wasn’t me dude. I don’t know what happened.”

I like the point of all of this. Elevates and strengthens the RS and their bond, while shining a light on how useless Nia and Shayna are as singles competitors. Points for all these shenanigans.

And negative points for pretending the match never happened just cuz Retribution cut the power. Anyway.

Highlight: Nia mocking Shayna

---

NXT:

Why does the entirety of the Mercedes/Rhea feud consist of backstage promos and random attacks?

pppfffffttttt Aliyah pushed Shotzi into Io. Ma’am I’d advise running and never looking back.

Aliyah reminds me of original Carmella before she lost her accent.

I love how dramatic Robert Stone is lmao.

Shotzi and Io could be a fun tag team. Might make me like Shotzi.

*Tegan arrives at The Garganos’ for dinner* No.

*Candice explains “The Gargano Way” to Tegan* No.

Right I get why Mercedes wants to destroy Rhea, but I am gonna be really fucking disappointed if she succeeds. I don’t mind Rhea losing feuds or matches if there’s a point to it. Such as Charlotte (yeah I said it) it was vital to Rhea’s gargantuan push for her to endure a setback, and she was better off for losing at wm.

*Candice LeRae & Tegan Nox’s dinner goes awry* No.

Right off the bat I don’t like how many weapons are being thrown into the steel cage. The beauty in gimmick matches is to use what’s within the confines of the match to create magic, not make every single match a TLC match. Like y’all are in a cage. Utilize the cage. None of the build requires this stuff.

This is gonna sound silly, but Mercedes needs to learn to audibly groan or something to sell offense. She’s like a mime.

I liked the German suplex off the top rope.

Rhea threw a fucking chair up at Mercedes’ face. Nice.

Beautiful dropkick and suplex. 

Awkward yet painful looking top rope neckbreaker.

Love the image of Robert Stone just dangling off the top in the background.

Riptide through the table. Great finish.

It wasn’t insanely compelling, and I’m not too much of a fan of Mercedes, but there were some really cool spots. Fine match. Spotty, but at least the spots were good.

Highlight: Riptide through the table

---

Smackdown:

Love that Bayley carries around the chair, but I wish the chair had played more of a part in the attack against Sasha.

I like the sitting in the ring aspect. Don’t see that with women a lot. Love that she didn’t say a word before replaying the video footage as well.

Again wishing this had a crowd to gauge their reactions.

Great callback to Battleground 2016.

Not a fan of her insinuating Sasha has been manipulating her for 5 years, that’s awkward.

“You pretended to be my best friend, but all along you were using me, and do you know how I know that? Because I was using you.” Weak.

“I never cared about you, and I damn sure never cared about our friendship.” Weak and unbuyable.

So I’m not gonna make fun of her stutter/fuck up, but I am going to stress how much it affected my level of care. Sounds dramatic but it’s true. This is the second most important promo of Bayley’s career so far, and it seriously failed to live up to: Becky’s promo after turning on Charlotte, Sasha’s promo after turning on Nattie, and Bayley���s promo after turning on Becky. This is supposed to set the tone for the rest of the feud, and I ended up rating it disappointing as a whole. Shame. Anyway.

Love how Nikki interrupted Bayley’s exit. Points. The whole lockerroom oughta despise Bayley by now. Great work having Bayley hit her with a chair too lmao.

Alexa’s hairrrr kekekek

Tamina “these bitches are crazy” Snuka, everyone.

That was nice; Alexa goes for a ddt, Tamina avoids by holding the ropes, goes to stomp on Alexa, Alexa dodges and rolls away, stands up and is met with the boot.

Nikki ran the lower 2 ropes. Points cuz more women should do that, incidental or not.

So Cole mentions Fiend’s name and it sends Alexa into a trance - something we’ve seen before. She mindlessly grabs Nikki, bends her down, kisses her head, and while staring at Cole, does a Sister Abigail then leaves. Intriguing. Imagine insisting that Alexa isn’t a good actress, goodbye.

Great interruption by Nikki.

Ugly looking clothesline on Lacey, but I mean that as a compliment. Great landing.

Ugly looking tornado ddt on Tamina, and I don’t mean that as a compliment. Bad landing.

Tamina “I need a nap” Snuka, everyone.

Lmao so Lacey avoids a near pinfall entirely by just rolling away (obviously not planned) and then Tamina jumps in like she’s saving a damn title, breaking up essentially nothing. When Nikki Cross is the best worker a multiwoman match can offer, we have a problem.

Win via rollup. I’m so tired. Why are we getting Bayley vs Nikki anyway? I said time was a flat circle the 4th time they faced each other, and they’ve fought what, 3 times since then??!?

Highlight: Alexa slowly losing her mind

---

*Smackdown shined the brightest, but not by much. I have to give props to Alexa for nailing her role.

[necromancerluna]

First Christmas Dinner

AN: This was actually suppose to be day 4, but I am panicking because I am so behind and I wanted to write this more anyways, so it's day 3's now. This is set Christmas Eve after day 2's prompt, this is the same universe and day 1's one shot has no connection to either.

Summary: Rey Dameron watched her mother cook for the large Dameron family since they adopted her at age 13. Poe was coming home from deployment for the Holidays, she planned to make a large dinner at Ben and Her's house. She will be meeting Ben's parents for the first time, her parents couldn't afford to make it out this year. so Poe would be there with her as well as his boyfriend and her best friend Finn. With Darth Squeaks helping her along the way, nothing would ruin their first Christmas together....right?

Trigger warnings to be safe is Anxiety Attack and maybe some angst and feeling inadequate.

Darth Squeaks is based off of one of my cats. :3

sorry this was so rushed!

Happy Reading.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Ben woke to the familiar fluffy paw of Darth Squeaks. A pitiful squeak came from said cat. He groaned and peeked one eye open at the rather large blind cat. He had no eyes, they were surgically removed as a kitten. He explained it to Rey, he was lonely, he needed something in his life. He'd always been a cat person, so he found a non-profit No Kill Cat Shelter. He thought of adopting a few of the adult cats in their general population room, but he couldn't resist going into the kitten room. I mean, who doesn't love kittens?

There was a tiny black ball of fluff, arched down into pounce mode, growling like an extra small lion at a cat toy. The rest was history, it was then he asked to adopt him and found out he would have to wait, the kitten had been born blind and his body was rejecting his eyes. So he put down a deposit and begged them to put him first on the list to adopt him. Like destiny had willed it, the tiny kitten had not been claimed by anyone but Ben. It had been the two of them for a few years, now it was the three of them. He petted the black house lion, Squeaks nuzzled into Ben's armpit as if forgetting the fact he had been just begging for food.

The alarm of their third party member went off. Ben and Squeaks both seemed to perk up, she never got up this early on a non teaching day. He had been planning on getting some work done on his latest novel before she woke. She yawned and stretched and turned to them, “My two favorite men, we need to get up, it's Christmas Eve! Poe will be here and so will your mother and father-”

“Han decided to pick up mother,” He tried his best to hide the bitterness in his voice. Ben had only been in the very minimal contact with his father for five years. Some things were still a little sore between the two.

She sent him a pointed look, “Ben.” “I can't help it Rey, he hurt me and mother a lot- sure he was never physically violent and he wasn't cruel- but the arguing, the disappearing and the neglect and he hasn't really bothered apologizing, he acts like none of it ever happened.” he defended, laying on his back still, he looked up at her, Rey was sitting up. Her back was exposed due to the fact she wore nothing after their love making last night. He used his arm to cuddle Squeaks closer for comfort, Squeaks was sucking on his his furry back paw, a habit he's had since kittenhood.

“Let's try to be civil though.” she held up a hand when he went to protest, “I am not excusing how he treated your Mother and you- but this is our first Christmas together and Poe is back. I want him to come home to warm and loving home, he's been through enough tension and negativity.”

He nodded to her, “I am sorry Rey.”

“That reminds me, Finn has to work today, can you please pick up my brother from the airport, besides-” she reached over and snatched the large cat. She placed a tiny red apron around his neck, to which Squeaks started to bat and nibble at. “Me and my Sou Chef here are going to be cooking all day. Finn will be by with the Green Bean casserole probably just after you guys get back!”

He nodded and took his poor furbaby from her grasp. He left to feed Squeaks, only putting on his discarded boxers from last night. The black cat trotted behind him, squeaking in joy as his namesake dictates. The house lion was fed and happily assumed his place on the kitchen island, his black paws a stark contrast on the white counter top.  He listened, his ears twitching as Ben cooked eggs, his little nose sniffing as Ben put the beacon in the other frying pan. Rey was happily drinking her coffee, it was about fifty percent creamer and fifty percent medium roast coffee. Her feet swung under the bar stools that were at the island. She petted Squeaks between her texting to Finn, her parents, and Poe. She sent a few messages to Rose and then some to Hux and Phasma.  Rey had wanted to invite the couple over, but they were new parents and with twins only the age of two months old, the red head and drop dead gorgeous blond were exhausted. She watched her boyfriend, he only put on jeans now, his apron that said, “What's cooking good looking?” to stop from getting burnt by the grease.

She wanted to giggle when their cat was startled by the pop of the toast. “It's okay Darth Squeaks, it's only papa.” Ben had cooed, giving the cat a quick peck on the nose. Much to Squeak's disdain, for the cat must have wished it was beacon. Breakfast was served, Squeaks merely did a 180 but kept his sitting position, his face in their direction almost as if he could see them. He looked too cute and both Rey and Ben gave him a piece of cheese and beacon. “Are you sure you don't want my mother to come help you? Mom has always been a great cook, she'd be thrilled to help you- or me, I would be more than willing to help you.” his phone went off in his pocket, “Speak of the devil.”

He answered his phone, getting up to speak away from the table. Rey didn't eavesdrop but instead snuck more cheese to Squeaks who greedily ate it up.

“Guess not, Han isn't able to get mom, I have to go get her, she's already there.” Ben had a twitch in his eyes, his hand went into a fist but he breathed, counted to ten and released his fist. He shoved his phone into his back pocket. He took the apron off and headed off to their room. Rey wanted to say something, but knew he needed to cool down first. He had a temper. He came back out in a nice deep purple v neck sweater and light grey jacket. “I'll be back honey, don't you and Squeaks have too much fun without me.”

“We will try not to.” she said, “When will you be back?”

“Not sure, it's 7:30 now, probably 9? If not later, mom wants to visit with Chewie and Maz for a few and then we'd head back here I guess. When is Poe coming in?”

“His plane is to land at 11:30.”

“Okay, mom and I will just stay out then, Uncle Chewie's and Aunt Maz's isn't far from the airport anyways.”

They hugged and kissed one last time. Rey grabbed her laptop from the office and sat down at the island, she pulled up at least ten Youtube videos on making pies, Turkey, stuffing and mashed potatoes from scratch. She placed on her apron, a Christmas one of course, with pockets and snowflakes. She set a pot of water to boil, it taking it's time due to the stove being gas. She peeled and cute the potatoes, giggling as Squeaks batted the wayward potato peels that missed the trash can. While she waited for them to boil she began to work on the pie crusts, using her brand new roller to roll out the crust. She did this several times, realized she didn't make enough and decided to not throw the crust and the rolling pin out the window but to more on to the handmade stuffing. Bread crumbs, onions, celery, and butter with water. She gave it some salt and pepper and left it covered in the fridge.

She was dancing and singing loudly to Mariah Carey and Kelly Clarkson Christmas music as well as a blend of classics. Squeaks mostly grew bored and took his daily naps under the Christmas tree surrounded by his presents that he somehow knew were his. In fact, he was sleeping in the crushed wrapping paper of his new cat bed. She snapped a picture of him and sent it to Ben with the words, “We should just let him open it tonight.”

He responded after a few minutes with “LOL. Well, it is tradition for us to exchange on gift on Christmas eve.”

She heard the hissing of water overflowing. “Shit!” she hissed and practically threw her phone down. She turned off the heat to the potatoes, tried to strain water and mash them with the masher she found in the kitchen drawers. She then realized they were too thin, she had left too much water in them. In fact, the potatoes didn't stay together long. She screamed, throwing the failure away and rinsing the pot. She would worry about it later.

She calmed herself down and went back to the pies. She made the crust better this time. She smiled and held it up victoriously before she fit it to the glass pie pan. She stuck her tongue out and concentrated on the pinch at the top of the crust. Flour in her hair, which was in a bun that strand of chestnut hair had come loose. At least forty-five percent of the pinches looked as they should have. She watched the video several times while mixing the ingredients in for the pumpkin pie. She sneezed and put a bit too much nutmeg in. She shrugged, she liked nutmeg anyways. She started a mental checklist for herself to make sure all was mixed in.

Pumpkin from a can?

Check.

Evaporated Milk?

Double check.

Cinnamon? Yes.

Nutmeg?

Indeed!

Ginger?

Yes!

Salt?

It's weird but it's in there.

Eggs?

���.............She did put the eggs in right? She glanced around at the sprawled out ingredients. There were no eggs around, she must have used them. Who'd forget the eggs? She hummed along to All I want for For Christmas is Food. She loved that parody. It was almost Eleven in the morning, potatoes weren't that hard to make and the stuffing was ready, she'd put the Turkey out to thaw soon. She preheated the oven and waited for the ding, once ready she placed the pies in.

She had a minute, so she decided to have a little fun. She went to their bedroom and sent him a message on her phone. Are you away from prying eyes?

He took a while to respond, Yes, I can be, but what for?

You'll see ;)

She put on a red babydoll lingerie top with white feathers on the top of the bra part, and red panties. She took some of her hair down and angled her camera up, pushing her pert breasts up.

NSFW she texted and then gave him two painstaking minutes to hopefully read the message before sending the picture.

She began to worry at her lip, she had gotten dressed and it had been ten minutes since she sent it. Squeaks seemed to sense her anxiety and hoped onto the bed to snuggle with her.

Santa might not bring presents to a naughty girl.

She giggled. Went to respond only to have him send another message.

I'm going to spank you when we're alone, naughty, teasing me while I'm out, getting our family no less.

She wanted to squeal, she texted back:

Tehe, can't wait.

She zoned herself back in enough to give Squeaks a kiss on the head before returning to the Kitchen. The pies would be done sooner than later but she wanted to clean quickly before they all arrived. She dusted, swept and mopped and when the timer for the pie went off she checked them.

Her heart sunk deep into her stomach. The pies weren't rising. She shook her head and blew it off, maybe she didn't set it for long enough. She realized it was going on One in the afternoon. She went to call Ben but he had already texted her:

Poe's plane was late, I just have him now, we're on our way. Sent at 12:03pm

Rey, we're going to get Finn, his car isn't starting, We're probably not going to get there until closer to 2:30-3, everything okay? Sent at 12:56pm

She answered:

Everything is fine, thank you so much honey! You're a hero.

He answered back with a winky face. She placed the frozen turkey into the sink with cool water, an hour or so would be plenty to thaw, it wasn't a huge turkey. She brought the stuffing out and tried to prepare it. It however didn't like staying together. She put water in. Too late had she realized that was too much water, so she started to fill it with crumbs and more onions and celery. She then started the panic. She couldn't get the consistency and this was supposed to go into the turkey and the oven soon.  

She began to breath heavy, she still needed to do the mashed potatoes and the pie timer is going off but her hands were covered in stuffing that would have rather stayed on her hand than with each other. She washed her hands and went to the pies. To her horror they hadn't risen still. She took them out and put them on the counter. What did she do wrong? First the potatoes and now the pies? The stuffing won't stuff. Her stomach knotted, her heart sank to the floor as she turned to see on the turkey, '3 to 6 hours to thaw'

Ben was calling her on the phone. She heaved and answered with the best smile and chipper voice she could manage, “Hello!”

“Hey, I jumped Finn's car, he and Poe are going to go grab something from the store before they close, I have mom and Han is coming.”

She heard his mother in the background saying, “Don't call your father by his first name Ben.”

Dread weighed on her shoulders, she almost doubled over onto the island, narrowly missing her arm on the hot pie pan. She croaked out, “You're coming early?”

“Yes, I can't wait to get home, I bet the turkey smells delicious and the gravy and pies, I'm excited.”

Her knees threatened to fall out from under her.

“Mom says she'll do the mashed potatoes since you've been working so hard on everything else, but I am going to drive now, We'll be there in twenty minutes Sweetheart.”

It was almost three in the afternoon. The turkey was half thawed and the stuffing laid there in it's bowl. Rey didn't know how long she held the phone up to her ear with one hand and balanced herself with another. Ben had hung up long ago and her head spun. She needed to breath but every time she moved she saw the failed stuffing and pumpkin pies and wished to weep. She was always successful. She skipped two grades in middle school, she graduated High School her Junior year and took college courses online at the same time. She graduated college and was an Instructor at the local community college. Her GPA was always 3.8 to 4.1. She had been good at sports, decent at almost anything that went her way, she was even one hell of a mechanic.

But she failed at Christmas Eve dinner. What was his parents going to think? What was Poe going to think? How awful for him to come home and not even get a home cooked meal. What would Ben think when he saw the mess she made of his well organized pristine kitchen? Squeaks had maneuvered his way around everything. He angled his face towards her and squeaked almost like he asked if she was okay. Her lips had begun to involuntarily tug upwards when she heard the keys turn. Squeaks jumped down to greet Ben, Ben petted the cat and turned on his right to smile at Rey.

That was until she burst into tears.

Ben was startled to say the least. He looked past everything, he ushered his mother in and closed the door. Squeaks realized there was a stranger in the house and bolted to their bedroom in the back. “Sweetheart!” Ben knelt to her, “What happened?”

She buried her head into his chest and sobbed. Leia looked on from the other side of the island. Rey finally calmed down enough to explain, “I don't think I put eggs in the pumpkin pie, they're ruined, all four of them! I only had enough to make four, I ruined the mashed potatoes and the stuffing won't stuff.” she sobbed, “I didn't look at the instructions on the turkey, it's still frozen!” She seemed to calm herself a little more until Poe's smiling face came in. He was dashing in his Air Force Uniform. Finn closed the door behind him, with a grocery bag in his hand. Poe held out his arms expecting to see his sister run into them. Instead he saw her crumpled into Ben's arms. She locked eyes with him and went into hysterics.

Ben nodded to the food. Poe went to the unrisen pie with burnt crust and dipped a finger into it. “Pumpkin pudding! Rey, that's my favorite!” He exclaimed, “I don't know about y'all but I am going to eat this one all to myself!” He glanced around at all the decorations, “REY! It looks just like the old place, when we were kids!” He laughed and glanced down at her with a winning smile on his features, “You outdid yourself sis!”

Finn stepped in, “And here I am ruining everything by not bring the green bean casserole! I bought a rotisserie chicken though-...” he spotted the turkey in the sink, “since I don't care for turkey anyways.”

Rey with each passing moment slowed her breathing, her heart seeming fuller somehow. Ben smiled down at her, she sudden;y became embarrassed everyone was nicely dressed but her, still in pjs with her hair a mess and covered in various foods. Leia walked up, she held her hand out to Rey, “I am Leia Oragana-Solo, since my son doesn't want to introduce me, I guess I will have to!”

Rey wiped her hands on her apron, which probably didn't make them any cleaner and shook her hand. “I'm Rey Dameron.”

Ben rolled his eyes but helped her get up with him, “Sweetheart, why don't you get cleaned up, you've worked hard.” it was just now he saw the mess. She saw part of him stiffen. In her panic and rage she didn't put things back and the counters weren't clean. He sighed but smiled, “Mother and I feel bad we weren't able to help, so why don't we clean up and set the table.”

Rey went off to shower, Ben glanced at the turkey. He picked up and placed it back into the freeze. Leia looked at the stuffing and mused for a second. “She forgot the egg in both I see.” Leia fixed the stuffing and set it to cook. They scooped out the pumpkin pudding and put them into desert cups and into the fridge. Leia's fine china set had been set out onto the table, things were clean and set. Ben made mashed potatoes but Poe took over saying that he should check on his sister. Ben left the pilot and went to Rey. She was in a blue knee length dress and had blue rhinestones around the crew neck collar. He was shocked it wasn't a red or green dress.

Her hair was done in a simple half up half down style and her feet hovered above her black heels as she sat on the bed. Her focus was narrowed in on Squeaks who seemed content curled in on himself next to her hip. He knelt before her and looked up to force her to look at him. “I'm a failure.”

He smiled, “No, you're not, you simply took on too much.”

Their eyes met and hers were wide with shock in her eyes. He went on however before her trembling lips could help form a word. “You spent your whole life driven, which is great, and yes you did juggle a lot, more than I ever could- I mean, when I was your age I spent it traveling and didn't graduate University until I was twenty seven.”

she huffed slightly, “Well, you had the money-...”

He placed his hands on her hip, “Stars, you silly woman, I am not having a bigger cock contest here, my point was we went in different ways, but in your determination and hard work you forgot something.” she raised an eyebrow, “You had a mother who packed your lunch- even through college- and made sure you ate, you had a dad that made you stop studying so you could go to the movies with your family, you had a brother that shot you in the back of the head with a nerf gun and got you out into the sun.”

Emotions flooded through her. She stayed silent, folding her hands in her lap. “You're childhood sucked dick, if you don't mind me saying and I am not here to invalidate that fact. What I am trying to say is, you can accomplish anything- a lot you already have, but maybe you should remember there are people around here who want to help.”

The tears welled in her eyes, she fell to his level on her knees and kissed him deeply. He had to pull her away. They went back out hand-in-hand. When they came out, Poe darted to his sister and lifted her to twirl her around in a hug. “There's my sister, Merry Christmas!” he placed her down and put his hand on Finn's back to push him towards Rey. They exchanged Merry Christmases to each other and began to dish up. Rey noticed Finn and Poe under some mistletoe.

“Hey, Poe, you're not going to break a tradition are you?” and she pointed up.

Finn was utterly confused but Poe noticed and with a wide grin he placed his and Finn's plates down and dipped his boyfriend into a deep kiss. They had a feast of chicken, mashed potatoes and gravy, plain stuffing, hard boiled eggs and cheese and broccoli, all made by Leia and Poe while they were in the bedroom. They sat down with full plates, wine being poured in each glass. Rey felt the need to get up when she saw Leia still on her feet, the petite woman gracing and practically gliding throughout the dinning room and kitchen. She seemed to be setting three more places at the table. Ben was avoiding eye contact with her. She narrowed her eyes at her boyfriend, not being able to talk to her brother since he and Finn were too busy feeding each other.

The door rang, Leia smiled at her son and then to Rey. When Leia opened the door, Rey almost wept for the third time today. Her parents came in with store bought pumpkin pies and marshmallows on sweet potatoes. A man who seemed almost as tall as Ben came in after them, his eyes immediately locking with Leia. They hugged, he went in for a kiss, Leia shook her head with a playfully scolding look and Ben folded his arms and scoffed. Poe had exclaimed something but she was tearing up happy tears as she joined him and their family got together in a group hug.

“I thought you guys didn't have the money to come out this year?” Rey exclaimed, hugging her mother tightly.

“Dad, you didn't take out a loan did you?” Poe asked, giving his father a pat on the back when they hugged,

“You didn't change out of your uniform?” Mr. Dameron chided.

“Rey you didn't have to stop eating.” Mrs. Dameron said, putting her hands on either side of Rey's face. “Finn, get your sexy butt over here!” Poe said after he and Rey switched hugging their other parent.

“Poe Dameron, don't scar your mother, you two don't have sex!”

It was a cacophony of voices from the Dameron family. Finn had lingered aside to watch with amusement on his handsome features. Crossing his arms in Poe's APECS Parka. Leia and Han moved to Ben, to let the family come together. Ben merely nodded to his father, reluctantly giving him a handshake. When his mother shot him a look he said, “Love you mom.” and encircled her into a hug.

Rey spoke up however, after Finn had been unwittingly dragged into a large hug as well. “But wait, how did you guys get here?”

Mrs Dameron went to Ben, she offered him a hug to which he bent to her and hugged her back. “Your boyfriend's idea, he paid for half of our tickets, mostly because we wouldn't let him pay for it all.”

Leia added to it, “He even spoke to his father to get them from the airport so you and Poe didn't know.”

Before anything else could be said, they sat down to eat. More food, more voices, more kisses and tears. They said their good byes, Finn had the Dameron's with him and Han went his own way. Leia announced she was going to bed in their spare bedroom. Ben jumped up and went to go fix her room up and encouraged the two women to talk a little while longer.

Leia patted Rey's knee when she knew her son was out of earshot. “What is the matter, Rey?”

Rey bit her lip and twirled her thumbs, when everyone left she was left with the feeling of guilt. Ben had bought Christmas decorations, brought her mom and dad here, and bought her the beautiful emerald with crystals tear drop earrings and necklace in the velvet box she was holding. She got him a nice pen for his desk and writing, got him a few books he wanted to read and a watch and fine leather wallet. “I don't feel like I gave enough back to him.”

Leia smiled and chuckled, she patted the younger woman's knee. “To tell you the truth, I helped with some of the plane ticket cost, but that's besides the point. Rey-” now the two women were angled towards each other and facing each other, “I know my son, he's been very angry and very bitter for a long time. His change from when he met you tells me you do a lot more for him than you think. Ben is lousy at expressing his feelings with words- so he over does things. Acts of Service, Gifts, and physical touch, love languages. Besides, he's never smiled and laughed so much, or call me so much until he met you.”

Rey couldn't help the smile on her face. Leia nodded to her and wished her good night. She went to their bedroom, both too mentally tried from the day to even think about sex. They undressed, got into the covers. Watched Squeaks come from his hiding hole under Ben's dresser and waddle his way up to cuddle between them. They fell fast asleep with “Merry Christmas.” barely leaving their lips.

[washington-elijah]

About to post this to facebook for my f a m i l y)

(Some stuff here may sound contradictory, but as my thoughts are constantly scrambled this will have to do for now.)

2020 is a new year and decade. I've lived now, for a little over 19 years, shutting my emotions and thought processes out from other people because no one ever seemed to understand me, or even take me seriously. (Wow cliché statement, I know.). I was always either overdramatic, melodramatic. My feelings weren't good enough because it always seemed to fall under the “you're generation this” or “you Millenials that” So here I will go and start right off the bat and say everything I've been trying to get out for a few years now and haven't been able to. I understand the backlash I may get, but I feel it may simply prove my point to myself even more and I don't even know what that point is.

There are only a few people that do not make me feel like a failure of a person for being unable to simply “get over it”. It, being my depression and my anxiety. If I could simply throw it all to the wind, I would believe me. What people do not see is how far I actually have progressed. I would never have even posted something like this before, let alone thought of it. I don't audibly depreciate myself as much as I used to, though some people make me feel like I should? Not that I want to. I love loving myself to an extent for once lol. So how about I simply start off and let you know EXACTLY how I felt for a good portion of my life.

(Let's keep it to what I can remember, 10 to about 17-18 years old)

I hated myself. Nothing was ever good enough, not one thing. Too friendly, too open, not open enough, not smart enough. Funny thing though, I was great in school UNTIL people started getting on my case to keep my grades PERFECT. That and my onset of anxiety and depression caused by bullying from peers and mentors alike. Trauma is not always some horrific thing that happened in life, it can be a built-up response that happens over time. Especially for a kid who couldn't talk to people. Especially for a kid who barely had any friends, and was ignored outside of school. That really never stopped. But oh well, Wonder why I spend so much time on my phone?

“Oh just go talk to people and make friends!” Guess what? I do, they just don't stay in contact, even when I initiate. But I'm over that, I don't need 500+ friends to make me happy. I still find talking to people hard now, and I don't know why. I either overshare, or get too friendly, or both. I'm overzealous or under enthusiastic. It really wasn't until a few years ago (maybe 2015-16) that I stopped giving a shit. Like really, nothing I ever did would be good enough for anyone other than myself, so why not just go ahead and only focus on how I felt for once. It's okay to be selfish once in a while. Especially when all you ever worried about, and tend to still worry about, is how it would make everyone else feel.

At this moment in time, there's still the thought in my head that everyone is holding me to the standard of needing to be absolutely 100% perfect. I should be making my own appointments and talking to my own officials and all that jazz. How so when I don't know how? When no one ever taught me or gave me a chance to try it myself or even just walked me through it? Most of the time I'm shooting in the dark for this sort of thing ^_^”

Now, the anxiety is something I cannot get over. Especially when much of it has been YEARS in the making and caused in some form by those telling me to just get over it. Not to mention, after high-school I kinda was just thrust into the college life. I'd had plans on how I was gonna do all of that, and now I'm trying to figure something out to actually fit college into this. But that's my fault, isn't it? Should have been more open in the first place, something I had always gotten backlash for doing in the first place. I wanted to take a year off, get my mental bullshit in check. Not get rid of it, by this point I can't, but at least get a better grasp of it. Just to handle it a bit better, and THEN thrust myself into more school. I'm grateful for the help and support I have, but sometimes I just feel rushed in nearly everything.

Here's another fun one, Why do I procrastinate? This one I have a solid answer for. Because I'm a perfectionist who's stuff is never good enough and I don't like cleaning when people are around. Who does something immediately if I don't have it planned out in my head A-Z right that very moment? (Bad process, but it's been ingrained). I don't clean when people are around because there was also that engrained bit. It was never good enough, I'd have to redo it, I wasn't doing it right, and so on. (Despite what may be said, I actually have gotten better with that too.)

Math just sucks in general, so imma leave that there.

Now here's a big one. My status on being transgender. There's a lot of stuff people don't seem to understand about that either. My brain itself sends signals to stuff that isn't there. I'm extraordinarily uncomfortable in a female body. You see, us big bad transgenders have a package deal, we get to figure out we weren't put in the right body, but we have to deal with this thing called dysphoria. It's a painful awareness that you aren't built right yet. A hyper-awareness of parts. It isn't fun at all.

And yes, I will be a very feminine looking boy until I get this lil thing called hormones.

No, my current hormone level has nothing to do with being trans.

No, me giving letters as coming out to those I live with was not melodramatic. I say this because there are so many bad stories and visual evidence of people disowning their kids for this. People who never gave ANY indication that they would do something like that. Be it just a verbal thing, or even physical. Those who have accepted me, thank you. I appreciate you guys so much you don't even know. To those who have wished me well, thank you. To those who haven't accepted it, oh well. I'm not hanging onto the negativity this year, and that is my choice.

Becoming independent is going to be difficult because I was raised in a way that I felt I had to be totally dependent on others. And I hold no animosity to that, but I can't just drop everything I know and be a perfect adult. If you want me to be successful you need to give me time. I already have a plan, and I don't need to share it. We're all only human and I'm gonna be making the most of my life, in a way that I want to (within reason.)

I love my family and friends, but I also love myself, and if that means having to be a “cliche” or “petty” person online to be able to actually unscramble the words that won't come out of my mouth, then I will. This year, my mental health comes first for me. This year, I come first for me. And as it being something I have never done before, I might slip up, but I'll get back up and keep on going. I'm not softspoken, I'm not okay with being told who I am gonna be or where I'm gonna go based on how I identify or work. I believe firmly that I can be successful this year. But I don't think other people do.

Anyways, happy new year and let's have a good 2020! I love you all a lot, don't think I don't. This will probably be worded better and expanded on in the future, but this is all I have for now.