#anauthenticlifeblog

[anauthenticlifeblog-blog]

When did twenty become the age to be an inspiring success?

I’m nineteen and I feel like I’ve done nothing with my life. I look around me at other people my age, other young adults and I see aspiring models and actresses, professional bloggers, photographers, artists, and entrepreneurs… and they are all barely in their twenties! If this is the path we must jump on to be successful, I am screwed! I am nineteen, penniless, jobless, and currently living in my childhood bedroom for the summer. You see I thought your twenties were all about figuring “it out”. Apparently, I missed the memo and I was supposed to be doing that in junior high. Now, Our twenties are for being wildly successful.  Since when was getting out of your parents’ house and graduating college all before your thirties not enough to constitute you as a success? I don’t know about you, but the thought of having to climb the ladder of success all while figuring out life and obtain my college diploma terrifies me. No. I’m not trying to be dramatic either. The thought of not only having to be successful in the next five years, but having to find something I can be successful at is the reason I have not gotten a full night’s sleep for months. Sure, I have aspirations, passions, and so many things I am good at. But at TWENTY I do not have the means nor the vision to know what I want to pursue, never mind if I could do it in a lucrative manner.

The reason I am writing about this is because I know for a fact I cannot be the only one who is struggling to feel like they do not measure up in a society that functions in this manner. In a society SO focused on being successful it was only a matter of time until this pressure was pushed down upon us young adults. As young adults I think we fall into two main categories: those who are still trying to figure it out and those who have it all together and are wildly successful (If that’s you we would all love to know your secret). If I was to draw a pie chart of what that might look like: 90 % of the circle would be filled with those who are trying to figure it out, 7% would be those who have a slight clue, and the remaining 3% would be young adults who have their lives all figured out. The problem is, society only portrays that 3%. So instead of looking around and feeling reassured that it’s okay because the rest of us don’t have a clue either. We look around on social media, tv, and at the students being spotlighted on our campuses and see the successful, together, and seamlessly perfect 3% of twenty-year old’s. That is when we start to compare and feel inadequate. For me, this happens when I scroll through my social media feeds and begin to look at famous designers and bloggers who are all in their twenties. I then start not only doubting my talents and my designing abilities, but also my future. If these individuals are all wildly successful now, will there even be room for me in such a competitive industry? I am sure your doubts and worries differ from mine, but at the root they all come from the same lies.

You see, society has fed us this lie that success looks ONE certain way. KNOWN. No matter what industry you are pursuing: law, acting, designing, photography, teaching, success is the common factor that remains the same. Being successful, means people know who you are, but more than that it means having the ability to affect others on a grand scale. Success=recognition, but it also equals influence. When we think about the people (either in our job fields, in our lives, or even in history) who we most want to be like usually these individual’s success is based upon recognition and influential. For me, I think famous designers, writers, or activists, all people who were KNOWN for effecting change on a grander scale. Then I compare myself to them and I realize I may never be able to establish the influence they had, let alone by the time I am in my twenties! Again, I am left feeling inadequate. What is my life worth if it is not influential nor successful?

When I begin having these thoughts, I know I need to reexamine my idea of being a success. I think the word success is not only way over used (especially in this blog post), but also has not been properly defined. Everyone’s version of success should be different, especially as young adults. For some, success may be making it through a year of college and only having to retake a couple of classes. For others, success may be choosing not to go to college at all and instead pursing a different dream even if you fail five times before you succeed. For many, success may be remembering to put pants on in the morning. Societies outdated, unobtainable definition of success should not be what we base our lives upon. Because not only is our definition of success going to change depending upon the chapter of life we are in, but also because success is not this overarching rainbow into a world of happiness.

I think Augustus Waters said it best in the Eulogy he wrote for Hazel (But maybe that’s just because I am a diehard TFIOS fan). “See the thing is we all want to be remembered. But Hazel’s different. Hazel knows the truth. She didn’t want a million admirers. She just wanted one. And she got it. Maybe she wasn’t loved widely, but she was loved deeply. And isn’t that more than most of us get?” At this stage in our lives, being young adults with so much ahead of us, so many life altering decisions yet to make, is when failure and oblivion seem so unavoidable. However, oblivion is inevitable and success fades. Your millions of likes and followers don’t translate in to genuine love and relationships. Not everyone will be known widely. However, if you are lucky (like hazel grace) you may get the privilege of being loved deeply and in the end, that’s the only measure of success that never fades.

So, give yourself a break! You are in your twenties and despite what society may try and portray to you being twenty is about figuring life out. You do not have to be a famous actress or successful entrepreneur, you have your whole life to accomplish those goals or make new ones. Even if all you do today is crawl out of your parent’s basement, put on pants, and write a blog post (or something like that) … YOU ARE A SUCCESS!

...

Check out my latest blog post at https://anauthenticlife.wixsite.com/mysite

[anauthenticlifeblog-blog]

Dear parents,

I need to tell you something. Your child’s whole “I don’t care what you think” attitude is all an act. Every child no matter how big or small craves for their parent’s approval. Parents, the problem is you hold this power over us, a power that causes us to desperately try and please you, and YOU DIDN’T EVEN REALIZE YOU HAD IT. From the time we are little you tell us to be ourselves, to be authentic. What you don’t realize is you aren’t telling us to be who we want to be, but to be who YOU want us to be. You have these preconceived ideas in your head about what being “ourselves” is supposed to look like. So, we end up being the version of us that you have planned out and not the version of us that we ache to live out. No wonder we are living double lives, keeping secrets from you, hiding our truths. It’s not because we are trying to be rebellious or going through a phase, but it’s because we so desperately want to PLEASE YOU. Have you ever wondered what if the secret life we are living isn’t the one we are keeping from you, but the one you are allowing yourself to see? Did you ever think, that just maybe you are the reason your son or daughter is hiding their identity? In a society that encourages you to be like everyone else it is our Parent’s telling us to stand out. But sense when did YOU (our parents) get to dictate how?  If you want authenticity. If you want the truth from your son or daughter stop dictating on what grounds they are allowed to be themselves. Every child craves to be accepted. However, every individual demands to be authentic.

Dear parents, let your children be who they want to be not who they think YOU want them to be.

...

Check out my latest blog post at https://anauthenticlife.wixsite.com/mysite