#anaplasticastrocytoma

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<3

A pattern seems to be emerging - I have to apologize again for the ridiculous gap between my posts.

Since my last post I kind of let myself slip emotionally. I let the weight of the December 22 MRI really bare down on me and I fell into somewhat of a depression. Despite my doctors being incredibly optimistic, the MRI would tell me how my radiation treatment went and where I’m at in my recovery. There was a legitimate chance that I would find out that the treatment didn’t go well / that I would need to be admitted to the hospital / that I needed more radiation / that I was dying and that scared the shit out of me. I know I’ve said that I’m not afraid to die - I think that’s still true, but I went into a panic because there is SO MUCH I want to do. Death is not going to fit into my schedule right now. Nope.

As I have told some of you, the MRI yielded positive results!! My (incredible) radiologist hasn’t studied it yet, but my chemo doctor (also incredible) pulled up the scans and told me some good stuff(!): 1. My brain is scarring nicely. 2. There is no new growth on that goddamn tumor. 3. I’m in better shape than they were expecting me to be. 4. I’m on track and looking good to start my rounds of chemo (probably starting January 1st or 2nd). He also told me that the hardest part of my treatment is OVER and that I should be on the up & up from here. I’m still going to have to have MRIs every two months to monitor the cancer site, but I think the next ones will be much more relaxed. It’s huge that my brain took to the radiation so well - that was the main thing I needed to hear to feel better about my situation. And I did! I’m feeling like I’m back to my fearless, warrior self mentally.

Another update - I am physically feeling so much better than when my radiation first ended! I HAVE ENERGY AGAIN! I have moved into my brother’s St. Paul house (LOOKING FOR ROOMMATES HIT ME UP), I’ve been running errands and successfully correcting my circadian rhythms. I don’t need pot to stay awake or feel normal. I’ve yet to get my diet back on track - I’m so picky and lazy about preparing food but I think maybe that’s just something I have to get over (lol hooray for normal people problems). I’ve also been *socializing* a bit outside of the house! Almost forgot what that felt like. ha. I really haven’t been in many crowds just bc I want to stay healthy but I’m getting out which is wonderful.

I even managed to fly down to Texas for Molly’s graduation!!!! It was absolutely amazing to meet her friends (shouts to Natalie Lauren Emma and Evan) and watch her walk across the stage. I’m so proud of her. She is a serious badass and already has a great job & apartment lined up; both downtown Minneapolis. Ask her about it, she’s amazing! I could brag about her for like 10 hours. Same with Walker, haha.

Anyway, my parents and siblings have been the at core of my strength. Of course, they’re accompanied by everyone who checks in with me and loves me and shows me how loved I am. I really am so loved, and I believe realizing that is the biggest silver lining of getting cancer.

By the way if you want to check out my doctas, my radiologist is Anita Mahajan, M.D. and my chemo dr. is Sani H. Kizilbash, M.D., M.P.H. (they’re impressive people google them seriously).

HAPPY HOLIDAYS <3

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Billioℕs of fun updates <3

☠  I realize that I already mentioned this in my last post, but I am just SO EXCITED about this: I FINALLY HAVE A START DATE FOR WHEN I BEGIN TREATMENT!!!!! Woohoooooooo!!! I begin chemo and radiation on Monday, October 16. I know it’s pretty strange that I’m this psyched about this, but honestly it just totally re-upped my enthusiasm for slaying my cancer and getting it the fuck out of my skull. Into it. Basically what will happen is I wear this creepy mask thing (i gotta take a picture of it and post it on here - truly some horror movie shit) and they strap it down onto a table so my head stays completely still and then this huge machine rotates around my head. It will take like 30-45 minutes per radiation session. It’s kinda fun bc I get to choose the music to listen to during this! So I’ll be recruiting some of u people to make me radiation playlists!!! Radiation will be M-F from 10.26.2017 - 11.24.2017. 6 weeks of cancer killin (: let’s get the fuck moving!

☠  SOOOOO That means I have from 11.25.2017 - 12.23.2017 off! Because I have a four week break between my 6 weeks of radiation/chemo stuff and my 6 cycles of chemotherapy. So let’s plan fun shit to do during that month!!! LOVE LOVE LOVE

☠  Because I finally have a start date for treatment, I know the dates which I’ll be living down in Rochester (Minnesota, not New York, for everyone that for some weird reason thinks I would go to NY for cancer treatment lolol. The best hospital in the US is in MN ya sillies!!!!). After considering a bunch of different options, my parents decided to go the route of renting out an Air B&B for the duration of my radiation treatment. I’ll have a super cute little house with a couple bedrooms so I can have friends there. They don’t allow dogs unless the dog is a service dog .......

☠ ........SO my baby Mabes is now a certified little service puppy!! She will be in Rochester with me and I couldn’t be happier. My little love bug puppy girl. I’ll post a picture of her in her little vest hehe. Still waiting on the note from the doctor, but she’s legit! ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

☠  My sister is here for the weekend again!!!!! And my brother is moving down from Duluth around the end of October. They’re my soul mates and I’m ecstatic that they get to be around me. ALSO Molly is telling her friends to hangout with me and they seem really really cool thus far -- and I’m reconnecting with people I haven’t been in touch with in a bit, so that’s cool. Makin’ friends, taking names and numbers. I love making buddies! I’m gonna need people to chill with sometimes!!!

☠  My Aunt Robin was the one to drive me down to the hospital this past Wednesday. We stayed in Rochester until thursday, bc I had another appointment. We bonded and talked and she pointed out some really cool stuff to me. My perspective is expanding and I love it! I love hearing what everyone has to say about dealing with all of this craziness. I disagree with Glass Animals - I say the more I know the better (I’m hilarious - I hope some of you get it lollllll).

☠  My wisdom teeth removal surgery went extremely well! They let me keep the teeth, hehe. I unfortunately have more cavities that need to be taken care of before treatment begins so I will be going to the dentist pretty soon to take care of that. Most boring update ever. I’m healing up real nicely. But we all knew I would bc I’m a fuckin champ hehe

I LOVE ALL OF YOU SO MUCH IT’S NOT EVEN REAL

Pictures are being posted that go along with some of these updates -------

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medians for people with my diagnosis:

median time cancer-free after you get rid of it the first time: 6 years

median life expectancy post diagnosis: 12 years

These seem like small, scary numbers, but they’re just averages. I’m above average as a person (YEP) and I’m young and I’m strong and I have a really good attitude (not stopping) - I’m expecting to be cancer free wayyyy longer than 6 years and I’m definitely expecting to live more than 12 years lol. I mean come on. 

i know this is a little morbid but I know it’s like the first thing people think of when someone is diagnosed w cancer. It was the first thing I thought of, lol! Thank goodness for that IDH1 mutation of mine <3 

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i drew this i think my mind is trying to tell me something but I honestly am having a hard time deciphering it