#anakin really be like ‘he refuses to show me physical touch and comfort but will kiss her??!?!?!??!?!?!’ | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

nevertheless-moving · 4 years ago

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thanks again to @dykerory and @willowcrowned for this genius au. this is an incomplete collection of very specific set of headcanons/daydreams i had about a tangential version of your au that made me emotional in the middle of the woods. whenever you feel the time is right, i’m very eager to hear your og version on the ‘but obi-wan, tho!’, because i admittedly pushed this one’s resolution really far chronologically because i wanted batman to be involved.

continuation from here

note: my understanding of dcu is as sporadically informed as my understanding of the gffa.

newly graduated clark kent gets his first journalism job and starts settling more and more into the superman thing. the rest of the justice league has been around but his entrance onto the scene is the one that really inspires the various heroes to actually start coordinating to deal with the weirdness magnet that is dcu Earth. Clark is in his early 20s. Anakin is in his late 30s.

He’s been living on Earth, without the force, for nearly 2/3rds of his life. He has a close knit circle of friends who were kind to him even when they thought he was just a weird and crazy emo cult victim (the gradual increase of public encounters with aliens and superpowers sparks some awkward apologies, Anakin at 38 just waves his friends off, smiling and changing the subject, neither confirming nor denying his high school ramblings of spaceships and magic. it doesn’t really change anything).

He lives an hour’s drive from smallville, and runs a successful auto shop. people travel from pretty far to check out some of his more wild and specialized motorcycle abominations. makes enough money selling them to rich idiots to fund his free auto-class and auto-repair programs for impoverished communities.

It took a while but he eventually came around to the idea of helping people without physical force (ironically, this is happening around the same time Clark is coming to the realization that he can help people with physical force). Generally respected as a pillar of the community. When people start to realize how profoundly weird he is as a person in a number of inexplicable ways, someone will generally pull them aside and quietly whisper that he was in a cult at a child, no one really knows much about it except that it’s what inspired his anti-modern-slavery work, which is a little telling. Not married. Was in a long-term relationship for like 9 years. It didn’t end well but no-one knows the details.

Has several cats.

He’s- wistful but settled. He’s been through a lot of therapy. He meditates every morning and night, clearing his mind and examining his emotions in the way Obi-Wan taught him. He thinks Obi-Wan would be proud of him. He know his Mom would be.

Once he gets used to the idea, he never really stops loving the concept of learning just because. Duel bachelors degree in in african american history and american literature, masters in engineering, masters in astrophysics a phd in theoretical physics, another phd in medieval folklore. He’s worked a lot of jobs.

He was already pretty well versed in astronavigation back at the temple. Over the course of his time on earth, he gets more educated in earth astronomy and physics. With is increased knowledge, his theory for ‘how did i get here’ shifts from slight hyperdrive miscalculation, to big hyperdrive miscalculation, to some sort of hyperlane incident. he realizes that none of the stars he knows are familiar in any NASA database. He must be beyond wildspace, which helps him let go of the last bit of hurt he felt that Obi-Wan never found him.

Then he really learns physics- and- light doesn’t exactly work like that right? He thought it was just primitive Earth understanding but... he gets a phd more or less accidentally, trying and failing to disprove that the speed of life is constant constant.

Get’s another even more accidentally, explaining how alternate universes might form if we assume slightly different universal constants. He publishes his thesis anonymously around the same time metas are becoming a household term, and at least one science journalist speculates on it and how alternate universes might explain the increasing prevalence of wildly different superpowers. He doesn’t claim credit for the honorary diploma awarded to the unknown theorist- he doesn’t want to risk drawing any attention to him and by extension Clark, who’s alien differences are far more of the ‘military experiment interesting’ variety then his.

He stops tinkering with Clark’s ship. He finally gets how it works. Now that he realizes how FTL travel has to work in this universe, tinkering with the mechanical generation and harnessing of the massive quantities of energy necessary to do is startlingly familiar. But it doesn’t matter. No matter how far and fast he travels, he’s never going to be able to get back to the life he used to know.

Perhaps this is what being the chosen one actually means- he’s meant to live a life without the force, so that when he returns to it in death he’ll be able to somehow...educate? the force? maybe?

Ok, he’s not great at the metaphysical spiritual side of things, but he does accept that going back is out of his control, and he’s doing good here, even if it’s not galaxy altering.

Despite all the therapy, he never doubts that his early life was real. He has his saber and deep, deep down he can feel a spark in the kyber. He can’t do anything with it, but it’s there. There’s also pieces of the utter wreck that was his ship in the cellar, next to the sleek unblemished pod that Clark arrived in. Shortly before Clark becomes Superman, he asks for his help in melting down his old ship to make unearthly alloys.

He’s not surprised when Clark tells him he met a ‘real’ ‘magic’ user- it stands to reason that considering how relatively easy it is to convert energy from one form to another in this universe (Clark can fly), at least one kind would bend to sentient willpower in a similar way as the force does.

It’s still a little nervewracking showing his lightsaber to someone new for the first time in a decade. Zantana scrutinizes, bewildered.

“There is some sort of power locked within, but it’s unfamiliar to me,” she admits finally. “I could probably brute force it and force the energy to release itself, but it would likely destroy the container.” Anakin politely refuses.

Later, after the justice league’s formation, Clark mentions to J’onn that he has a friend who might be able to work on his ship. J’onn is extremely doubtful when he’s brought to a bizarre autoshop in the midwest that looks half-like a roadside attraction. Anakin sighs and digs his hands into the guts of the craft, muttering incomprehensibly and yelling at clark to melt down some pieces from the special scrap pile. A few days later he explains the patches he’s done to an impressed J’onn. When he asks how a human came to learn such things, he’s absently informed that,

“I used to work in a junkshop in Tatooine. All sorts of ship parts came through.”

“I’m unfamiliar with this world.”

“Tell you what, if you ever meet anyone who’s heard it of it, send them my way, and I’ll make your next repair free.”

“Oh! I’m afraid I don’t have any earth money...”

“Ugh, of course you don’t. it’s cool, capitalism sucks anyway and everyone’s entitled to free transportation, regardless of the area they happen to live. I do ask that if you can’t pay for the repairs that you spend an equivalent number of hours either attending one of my free auto classes, or volunteer at a community-led charities of your choice, here I’ll get you a pamphlet-”

So the Martian Manhunter becomes a weekly volunteer at a Midwestern Food Waste Reclamation Facility. J’onn J’onzz ends up becoming Anakin Skywalker’s friend well before he becomes comes truly comfortable around Kal-El. For a telepath, 39 year old Anakin’s Jedi orderly mind is a soothing relief.

(again, Anakin has spent far more time meditating on Earth then he ever did at the temple. Before all this, spent five years dutifully memorizing the Jedi way even as he struggled to live up it’s basic practices. For the first few years on earth, religiously practicing every meditation technique Obi-Wan ever taught him, thinking obsessively about the philosophies he never had time to really process, is just a desperate attempt to reconnect with the force, prove himself worthy of it. But even after he gives up on ever touching the force again, he keeps up the practice, he can’t release his emotions exactly, but he does find peace. The tendency to stop mid-rant to earnestly pronounce made up zen bullshit and then sit quietly for an hour before picking up on his tirade again as though there was no interruption is one of the things many things people find profoundly weird about him)

Kal-El doesn’t stop asking new aliens and dimensional travelers if they’ve ever heard of Coruscant, or Hutts, or the Jedi Order. Anakin might have given up, but Superman remembers his older brother scrubbing away his own tears to focus on helping Clark calm down enough to touch the floor again. The more the Kryptonian’s powers developed in alarming ways, the more Anakin set aside talk of missing his home galaxy. Anakin might have claimed it wasn’t like that, but Clark was determined to take every chance his increasingly weird life threw at him, no matter how vanishingly small.

In the middle of his first battle with Braniac, Clark starts insulting his incomplete database. The world collector pauses, demanding a more precise explanation. Clark complies, giving his best technical description of Coruscant’s cityscape, Tatooine’s binary star system, and so on. Braniac is so distracted that Superman recovers completely from his kryptonite poisoning and easily saves the day.

Neither the lantern corp or the denizens of the neutral zone have the answers. Superman doesn’t mention it it Anakin, but he never stops looking and listening.

“How did you even meet that guy?” Flash asks curiously after stopping to say hello on one of their after work laps of the country.

“Aliens among us support group,” Kal-El responds deadpan.

“Oh. Wait, what? He’s an alien? I thought he was from the future or something! You’re messing with me. No way that’s a thing. How many people are in the support group? This is a joke, right?”

“Sorry, most of them aren’t out and I don’t want to violate their privacy- a lot of them have high profile jobs. How do you think I met J’onn?”

“SUPES I’M FREAKING OUT RIGHT NOW YOU’VE GOTTA STOP”

Anakin is just sort of vaguely known by a solid chunk of the super community as ‘that one midwestern zen space mechanic’ and no one really questions it because everyone’s life has just gotten so goddamn weird. A few of them know he used to be a space wizard of some kind. Space wizards now being a regular hazard of life on earth, no one has reason to doubt this, and it’s as good an explanation as any for Anakin’s general vibe.

well. almost no one doubts this. Batman does not simply accept Anakin’s general bullshittery without carefully investigating and drawing his own conclusions. He does not share these with anyone.

But one day Clark- this is well after Superman became Kal-El to him, and not long after Kal-El tells him to call him Clark- comes up to him and asks for his help finding about an alternate universe. Knowing and dreading where this is going, Batman stalls,

“Shouldn’t you be asking one of the league members who regularly travels between universes?”

“I have, over the years,” Clark admits, awkwardly scuffing a boot on the floor of the cave. “But no one’s familiar with the exact one I’m looking for, and I thought since you’re a detective, and also one of the smartest people I know, you might be able to help me...”

“You’re an investigator yourself, and you can survive the vacuum of space,” Bruce shoots back flatly. “I’ve told you before Gotham is my priority, and this has ‘personal project’ all over it.”

“Come on, B, please,” Superman pleads, trailing Batman around the cave like an overgrown puppy. “In a few months it will have been 30 years! He’s my brother! Just let me see the research you’ve already done!”

“Who says I’ve already done research on your brother?”

Clark shoots him a look. And Bruce concedes the point with a grunt.

“I’ll need need to talk with him first,” Bruce finally concedes. “Bring him by the cave. Take the-”

“Take the tunnel entrance, I know, I know,” Clark agrees with a grin. “This doesn’t mean he’s authorized to know your secret identity. Thanks Bruce, this means a lot. I’ll ask him tomorrow about his schedule.”

Superman flies off and Batman scrubs his face with a gloved hand. After a moment he pulls up Anakin’s file on the main monitor. Bruce honestly respects and likes the man, as much as he respects and likes anyone who’s not family. He admires his sense his style, appreciates his upgrades to the batmobile, and is impressed by both this civil rights work and his additions to the scientific community.

That doesn’t mean he’s not convinced that Anakin’s brother is a bit insane. Again, he’s not judging! He dresses like a bat to scare random henchmen and beat up actual demigods! He wishes his rogues gallery was as capable of directing their ptsd-inspired delusions and staggering intellects towards such productive pursuits!

Bruce was already in quiet awe of the Kent’s ability to raise an outrageously superpowered being without blowing up a chunk of the country; their success in derailing a supervillian origin story just puts him over the edge. He stares at the three most likely profiles he’s pulled together. Christen Jones, from a negligent family, death certificate filled out suspicously sloppily at age 3. Earl Lucas, went missing at age 9, both parents dead in a violent assault. And Jake Hayden, who at age 5 disappeared along with the rest of his family in a seismic accident later linked to Luthercorp.

Anyone of them could have suffered on the streets for years and coped by establishing an elaborate fantasy world, aided by self medication, only to eventually be picked up by the Kent’s and start healing. Certainly Anakin had the intellect to create worlds in his mind. All his rogues were smart enough to create their own little realities in their heads- it doesn’t mean they were actually reachable.

Unfortunately Anakin had a Kryptonian younger brother who was determined to actually find the space wizard knight homeworld, even as the 'Jedi’ in question had slowly moved away his reliance on the delusion as an adult. Batman really didn’t see any way bringing up his conclusions to Anakin or Clark could possibly be helpful, and so many alien allies had a ‘If you find about the Jedi please contact Kal-El of Krypton on Earth’ pamphlet that it would be excruciatingly awkward to try and discretely correct anyone.

Bruce was not looking forward to this conversation.

#star wars #star wars au #dc #crossover #batman #anakin skywalker #corn boy anakin au

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kyber-crystal · 4 years ago

Note

What if their s/o says "that looks heavy, let me hold it for you" to Han, Obi Wan, Anakin, Luke and shows his hand (i know it's too cheesy) (headcanons pls)💖

YES dfasddfasdf cheesy is what i live for !!!

luke skywalker:

it’s v v humid and

yavin 4 is really fucking brutal during the summer months and 3 people had already passed out from heat exhaustion, and nobody wanted to be the fourth)

so you, him, and everyone else are dressing as light as possible

luke finds you finishing up work on your x-wing

“y/n!”

you slid out from underneath your x-wing and sat up, wiping the sweat from your forehead and offering him a friendly smile- “hi! you’re just in time. i actually needed your help and was about to ask you to come here...could you check this out?”

you brushed yourself off and stood up, and he slid under and took your place

every so often his arm peeks out and his muffled voice asks you to grab a tool, so you reach over and give him what he needs

(you don’t complain throughout the time he’s in there because watching luke work was oddly satisfying and quite a sight to behold because of the phenomenal view of his biceps that you got)

(but you’d rather die before admitting that to anyone)

especially han bc he loves teasing you every damn chance he gets that little shit

once he’s done, he comes right back up and gives you a quick kiss on the forehead. he then grins and wipes his thumb across your cheek. “there! now we’re matching.”

“ew. you’re gross—” you pretended to look grossed out but felt your cheeks heat up at the contact.

“hey, that looks heavy...” he noted, “let me hold it for you.”

“huh? what do you...” you glanced down and noticed he had his hand outstretched. you smiled and intertwined your fingers with his

but !! plot twist !!!

as soon as your hand slips into his he tugs you towards him and presses his lips to yours

“ew, you two, get a room—”

“shut up, han.”

han solo

han is straight up with everything. literally. mans is not afraid to tell the truth, no matter the situation

but one thing he’s failed to be straight up about is his feelings for you

for once, he can’t seem to find the right words to express how he feels

so instead of just telling you he does a bunch of sweet gestures

ex.) giving you his jacket when it looks like you’re cold, even in the slightest, holding you tightly when the nightmares came to get you while everyone else was asleep, lingering touches (leaving his hand on the small of your back for as long as he could, hugs that last a second longer than normal)

he likes to express his feelings through physical touch. he likes giving hugs

so you hug. a lot

had a rough day? hug

had a good day? hug

no reason at all? hug

you walk straight into his arms and he just pulls you close and you stay like that for a bit

that’s usually how it goes

biggs and luke nag at him for refusing to tell you how he feels

so he finally caves in and asks for their help

“say something that’ll have her swooning!”

“once you do that, you’re set”

“and next thing you know you’re married with three kids!” “shut up.”

he wasn’t really given any guidelines so he basically just went in blind and had to trust his own judgement and gut instinct 0_0

han walks up to you after you’d finished talking to leia about something

“oh, hi!”

“your hand looks heavy, let me hold it for you.” and that little shit just,,, grabs your hand without another warning

your mouth moves open and closed but no words come out and for once, the y/n who always got the last word was speechless

he takes your speechlessness and the way you don’t even try to pull away from him as approval. he can’t stop himself from grinning foolishly for the rest of the day whenever he thinks about it

neither can you

from then on it becomes a habit for him to just randomly come and grab your hand and you usually stayed like that for as long as you could

obi wan kenobi

we can collectively agree that obi-wan is the sweetest person on earth (also smooth as fuck)

he’s a stickler for rules but as you grew closer together he found himself falling, and falling FAST

he’d never admit it to anakin because he’s being teased enough by him as it is

“you’re in love with her, master. do something for force’s sake” “no.”

“kriff, you’re stubborn”

anakin, that little shit, does everything in his power to try and get you two together. he’ll ‘accidentally�� run into you so that you’d fall into obi’s arms, make sure the only empty seat at council meetings and any other place was next to him, made sure you stuck together on missions, and whatnot

so when neither of you knew about your feelings for the other even after all he did he was genuinely confused and disappointed bc he put sO much effort—

you returned from a meeting with mace windu & yoda to retire for the night and found a note pasted on your door

“meet me at the gardens in ten minutes —OWK”

your nose scrunched in confusion but you set the paper down and slid your cloak back on regardless, and headed back out

obi wan was standing by the fountains with his arms crossed

“you sent me a note? what did you want...?”

“y/n, i thought we agreed to meet because you sent me a note saying to meet here at 11 sharp.”

“i didn’t send that note.” “i didn’t send yours, either.”

“then who did—” then it hit the two of you at the same time. “anakin.” “no wonder. the handwriting didn’t look like yours, you write in cursive only.”

obi just shrugged, “might as well make the best of this. he did get us out of yet another council meeting.” “touche.”

you didn’t know what to say bc all the words were stuck in your throat

which was weird bc the two of you ALWAYS had something to say to each other when you met up

he reached up to brush your hair away from your face and you froze

“this was stuck in your hair,” he explained as he showed you a milky-white blossom sitting in his palm “oh! thank you”

you fell into a comfortable silence as you walked around the place

and then he’s like “oh fuck i’m just going to go for it”

“y/n, your hand looks quite heavy. let me hold it for you” “w-what?...oh.”

you nod and he takes your hand, and you pray that he can’t hear how fast your heart is beating (but he’s too busy praying for the same to notice LMAO)

anakin doesn’t need for either of you to tell him whether the plan worked or not bc he can tell by the looks on your faces

“what can i say. i’m a genius”

anakin skywalker

he’s not afraid to express his feelings bc he feels very comfortable around you and all

so if something’s wrong he’ll either tell you straight up or you’ll figure it out yourself if he doesn’t

he’s a very affectionate person—you understand that it’s because after leaving to pursue his training, he was lacking all the love and attention that he used to get as a child, so he made up for all that by pouring all that love onto you

anakin grew up knowing a mother’s love, so naturally, he’s very caring and gentle around you. he hugs you and holds you close every change he gets, brushes your hair away from your face, etc

so if he just comes up behind you and hugs you, or places a hand on the small of your back while you’re walking, you try not to think too much about it bc it’s what he normally does

you like to tease him about this sometimes bc the seemingly cold-hearted & ruthless warrior is a complete softie behind closed doors : ‘)

it’s no secret to others that you’re both very...close with one another

but nobody even tries questioning it bc 1) you’ve been like this for ages and 2) you got your shit done lmao

but you try and keep the forehead kisses and snuggles more lowkey

you were sneaking over to anakin’s room to finish bingeing that holodrama you’d started together last week and nearly got caught by mace windu

“what took you so long?”

“master windu almost saw me on the way over here. move over.” you nudged anakin in the side and crawled into bed next to him, “you didn’t start without me, right?” “of course not!”

you yawned and stretched your arms in the air. “you know, if we get caught, obi-wan—” “—is going to kill us. i know.”

“he told us to wait...”

“it’s not like he’s going to find out we’re watching without him, is he?” he smirked. you laughed and lightly smacked his shoulder

you’re probably an hour or so in when the two of you fall into silence

asides from what you’re watching, it’s just yours and his breathing that you can hear

you glanced over and watched the light from the holo shining in his eyes, and the distant light of the moon reflecting off his wavy hair and your heart stops

oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no

you snap yourself out of your trance and get back to what you were doing

anakin starts drifting off slowly but steadily

“hey. your hand looks heavy. let me hold it for you,” he mumbled

you felt your face heat up, but nodded. “...okay?”

“your hands are so cold.” his nose crinkled slightly as he tightened his grip on your hand. “but that’s okay. i’ll warm them up for you.”

you smiled and let your head fall against his shoulder, and stayed like that for the rest of the night

a/n: i’m so sorry this was late,,,,depression was kicking me in the ass but i finally brought myself to finish this bc i really loved this concept! ...if you want to be added to my taglist just fill out this form!

#han solo x reader #anakin skywalker x reader #luke skywalker x reader #obi wan kenobi x reader #obi wan x reader #anakin x reader #star wars imagine #star wars preferences #star wars #obi wan kenobi x you #han solo fluff #luke skywalker imagine

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saferincages · 7 years ago

Photo

a couple of weeks ago, a friend showed me this amazing post (where the photos are far better than mine, which just didn’t want to turn out at all) of @the-far-bright-center‘s beautiful, sparkly Force Ghost Anakin, and it brought me such joy (I was maybe giggling excessively...), and today he arrived in the mail as a surprise gift! 💖

I want to take a moment to appreciate this bio, and the “weapon of choice” being loyalty and love, because it is. a lot.

this could be a very silly post (okay, it already is), but it actually gives me an opportunity to talk about something that I’ve never had a chance or reason to discuss before without some frame of context, so here is an unbelievably overemotional story (one of many regarding Star Wars’ history and special place in my life, I could write a series of these focused of specific themes and characters in all honesty) that no one really needs, but that I feel compelled to write anyway.

I’ve written before about my first experience seeing Revenge of the Sith (most recently here), so I apologize for retreading a certain amount of ground, but it’s important to know what the state of my life was at that time, which was a frightening, burned out shambles. ROTS premiered in May 2005, I believe I had just completed the physical therapy I’d been undergoing since the car accident we had that February. I was extraordinarily ill, and no one knew why (diagnoses were forthcoming), I was rapidly losing weight, and at the time, the scariest thing for me, was that I had no choice but to withdraw from school. Academia, which was such a constant for me, wasn’t even going to be on the horizon. I was, in short, not okay. I felt almost hollow in that uncertainty.

That midnight premiere was incredible, exciting, emotionally fraught, and I remember the weight and the sorrow of it hitting me in a very profound way when we got home, at which point I crawled into my bed and sobbed. I saw it several times that summer, but the final time (which is also a story a couple of my friends know, but I don’t think I’ve posted about it publicly?) was on my birthday that September. It is a crystalline memory. I can recall everything about that day, even what we ate (the cinnamon rolls my mom made for breakfast, the vanilla chai tea I had at Borders that afternoon), because it was the last birthday I had when certain things were not yet permanent, when I was still in the misty place between before and after. By then, the film had moved to our local little budget theatre, and seeing it that way, with a handful of other people rather than with a big, enthusiastic crowd, lent it an intimacy and poignancy which struck me on a wholly different level. (That was also the night Supernatural premiered, which is an aside, but don’t doubt for a moment that the events are inextricably emotionally connected for me.) September, and I should have been in school, but I wasn’t. I had no idea at that point that I never would be again, but I was frightened, and sad, and deeply angry. Anger isn’t a feeling I’d had a lot of experience with, I was a sweet, shy, overly sensitive, naive child (and teenager), but I didn’t often deal with anger, and then I usually sublimated anger with grief and guilt instead (and those things were warring in me, too, and of course I still carry them), but the anger at the unfairness of it all, at how cruel it was that this had happened to me, at how much I hated my own body for turning against me, how I irrationally hated myself for not being better or stronger or able to fight it, was consuming and yet almost childish, as though being ill was causing a perpetual temper tantrum in my mind.

My touchstone in the prequels was always Padmé, and she deserves her own post, but she was so inspiring to me, her compassion and her goodness and her belief in justice, her loving nature and her femininity and her tender heart being strengths, and never undermining her bright spirit, her keen mind, her ability to lead, her powers being her forgiveness and empathy and kindness. I love her so much and she had (and continues to have) such meaning for me.

It took me by surprise when the aching heart of my identification in ROTS plunged more towards Anakin. I loved him too, and I had a lot of varied, complicated feelings about him already, about his gentleness and his trauma, about the immensity of his capacities and his contrasts, but this was the fall, the dark hour of the story, the nadir of everyone’s suffering, and so much happens at his hand, because of his tragic choices. When I was reading the novelization, I didn’t know what to do with the fact that I understood certain aspects of his struggling in such a harrowing way, and seeing it playing out made that even more acute. Those choices he makes out of desperate fear aren’t rooted in evil, they’re driven by the chasm of grief and terror of loss, and they’re mixed with disillusionment and disappointment and frustration. Up until the moment when he walks into the Jedi Temple, when we really see him cross a line he cannot return from, hope for a course correction seems possible. Even knowing what’s coming, it’s like...just turn back. You can still fix this. It ripped my heart out because of course he wouldn’t, he couldn’t. There’s the scene where he’s denied the title of Master, and his outburst at the council (“this is outrageous! it’s unfair!”) is tinged with an adolescent level of upset, but...of course it is. He’s still so young and he wants to trust them, it’s not ambition causing that fury, it’s desperation for inclusion, for some measure of respect, and he keeps being refused. It’s a strange analogy because the things holding me back had nothing to do with a council of old men deciding my fate, all my hindrances were physically trapping me in my own body, the jury denying me the ability to move ahead was my own failing immune system, but I understood his rage, because I wanted someone I could yell at. The person I was so terrified of not being able to save, of having to watch die, wasn’t my beloved, it was...me, the girl I was, the girl I dreamed of becoming. I’ve talked so many times about feeling like I let her down, like I’m the ghost of her, the revenant walking around in a shape that vaguely resembles her, but at that point, she wasn’t gone yet, she was just rapidly slipping away. I didn’t know what to do to save myself. People would say it wasn’t my fault, to let it go (which felt a lot like being told the useless “mourn them do not, miss them do not”), that I was still here, I didn’t ask to get sick, and I knew, logically, that was true, but emotionally all I felt was that crushing guilt and despair (all of this remains a lingering struggle). I didn’t want to be powerless. I would have clung to something that offered me a way out. I knew where Anakin, conflicted and misguided as he was, was coming from, and it eroded everything that made him good and heroic and kind, so the only power I had left was to fight against it and keep the anger at bay.

This is such a specifically personal thing that I won’t get into the analysis of what happens in regards to his descent (which I also expounded upon in that other post anyway), but every time it happened, the same muscle memory seemed to take hold of me, my hands would shake and I’d press them together, my chest would pound, I’d bite my lip to try not to cry. I have this overwhelming fear of fire, so Mustafar was its own nightmare, and I’ve literally only watched the immolation scene once (that first time, at the midnight showing), otherwise I close my eyes tightly shut. I don’t even like seeing gifs of it. But because of what I was going through at the time, what I’ve gone through since, the physical aspects of him so painfully and horrifically losing himself, being so stripped of his humanity that hardly anyone ever looks at or acknowledges him as a person again (until Luke) held its own terror (it’s such an awful metaphor when it’s examined, and it’s that re-enslavement, he did not choose that reconstruction) because I didn’t understand what was happening to me physically, and because so many people were questioning the veracity of my pain and my incapacitating illness, were treating me as somehow less (ableism wasn’t even a word in my vocabulary yet, I just thought maybe everyone had a point and I didn’t deserve the space to be heard or understood, since so much of what I was going through was invisible). I genuinely felt like my personhood and my agency was being taken away. I didn’t have school, I was quickly isolated from everyone else and kept in the (comforting yet confining) cage of my room, I didn’t know who I was supposed to be anymore, and I didn’t know what to do if no one would listen or believe me (my mom aside). The torture Anakin is put through in that conversion to Darth Vader is unimaginable and I don’t want to dwell on it, but there’s a passage from the novelization that goes in part: “The first dawn of light in your universe brings pain. The light burns you. It will always burn you...You can hear yourself breathing. It comes hard, and harsh, and it scrapes nerves already raw, but you cannot stop it. You can never stop it. You cannot even slow it down...now your self is all you will ever have...and within your furnace heart, you burn in your own flame.” It’s such a wrenching description that some part of me separated it out from the villainous aspect, because the rest of it felt true. My nerves were raw and burned with sensation, touch and too much strain hurt, but my heart persistently, stubbornly kept beating, and I was left sifting through the alternating aspects of its passions (both the transcendent and the desolate).

This isn’t at all “excuse or justify the things Vader did” (since, again, this isn’t actual analysis, it’s sentimental personal nonsense), because of course I do not and never would, but the depth of empathy I had for Anakin, as a person and as a lost soul (and a lost future), and the way that left an imprint on me right at the onset of my illness became indelible.

There’s a point to this, I promise.

George Lucas did re-editing and reworkings of the original trilogy and I’ve never minded any of it, because they were his to edit and fix up if he wanted to do so, and little extra CG snippets of planets and creatures only expands the universe in my mind. That said, I realize adding Hayden’s Anakin at the end of Return of the Jedi was divisive, even upsetting for some, but for me it was everything. I’ve hesitated to ever reblog gifs of the scene because I felt like I had to justify or explain why I hold it so dear before I did, so this is my chance to do that.

As a child, I never felt really connected to the fleeting glimpse of Sebastian Shaw (my mom actually remembers me asking why he was so “old,” apparently I reasoned at the time that Anakin should have been younger, I think because I imagined him then as more of a dashing hero, based on Obi-Wan’s description in A New Hope). Anakin never lived as that image of a more middle aged man, that was never who he was within Vader’s suit, and there was always an evincive resonance that I was seeking. Once Attack of the Clones came along, Hayden was my Anakin, he was the embodiment of that character, and I loved him, and I loved his performance (and saw so much nuance and layering in it despite what was often said). Yet one of the last images we witness of him is burning on that scorched lava shore. It’s devastating.

Luke’s unwavering faith that some glimmer of his father still exists, that goodness can’t ever be entirely erased, that love will overcome, that throwing aside his weapon is an act of bravery and grace, is the moment when Anakin is finally released from that. “He takes the ounce of good still left in him and destroys the Emperor out of compassion for his son.” Balance is restored, and redemption is very small and quiet, not a washing away of violence, but a ceasing of it. It’s the hope that we can always find salvation, that we can still choose to act in love.

When Luke turns around and sees those spirits watching over him, benevolent and glowing and one with the Force, Anakin is his beautiful self again, as the description on this little package says, restored to the “hopeful young Jedi he once was.” The first time I saw that edit of the film, I wept. That was the connection I’d been looking for, the understanding that we’re never wasted, that our souls endure and are mended, that we can choose light, no matter how lost we feel we are, that love can persevere and illuminate even the longest night. It reminded me that I wasn’t only my body, no matter how much it hurt, no matter how it felt like it was collapsing on me, no matter how often I felt like I was failing to be the person I thought I would be, my body could never capture the entirety of who I was, or am. My spirit could still shine, my heart could still be soft.

Anakin says to Padmé in AOTC, “Compassion, which I would define as unconditional love, is essential to a Jedi's life, so you might say we are encouraged to love.” It’s one of my favorite scenes because it’s so sincere, and yet so richly layered in its meaning. And in the end, this is fulfilled, this belief is proven right.

People may think the idea of the Force is hokey, but because of the way I was brought up, and the intense theological discussions that used to be framed around it (particularly by my dad, we used to do this over e-mail back in the olden days of dial-up, I wish I had those conversations saved), it was a really important, formative concept for me. The Force is connectivity, it’s like a variant of the belief in Tikkun olam that parts of the vessels of the divine used to shape the world shattered, and their shards became sparks of light trapped within the material of creation, and thus exist and persist in all of us, in all the diverse and breathtaking life around us, and that we should respect and cherish that life. “The best expression of the Force is not a lightsaber fight or other combat techniques. It’s really about your connection to life, to everything around you, and your ability or willingness to let go, to find peace, and ultimately become a selfless part of existence...in the end there is no power that aids [Luke], except the power of compassion and love; the act of forgiveness and apparent self-sacrifice is what saves his father from the dark side.”

It’s the idea that there’s something eternal within all living things, something powerful and connected that binds us together, that means we affect one another, and that we make choices as to whether those influences are for the better (or not). That we can decide to increase the power of light and warm energy in the universe. The idea that we’re not limited to our physical selves, that we’re luminous, radiant, possible beings. That we can reach out in love and compassion to heal the world, even if it’s only in small ways, even if we’re the only ones who see it exist, who know it happens, and still the summation of that additional light can radiate everywhere.

#does this even make sense idk but here it is anyway #anakin skywalker #love can ignite the stars #encouraged to love #star wars #luminous beings are we #look what a *toy* caused me #i am a ridiculous person #bubble wrap around my heart #spirituality #the little girl who was always tired #chronic illness #it took me three hours from start to finish to actually get this posted sigh #but it was important to me even if nobody reads it #you are not obligated to complete the work but neither are you free to abandon it #sw meta #it's not really but i'll file it there

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gffa · 8 years ago

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I don’t believe I’ve said this before, not once in my life, but this is a really great set of STAR WARS fics that really gave me a lot of feelings and just made me feel all fizzy and happy inside. This fandom is so talented, there’s so much that takes the potential of these characters, the things that were or could have been, and does brilliant things with them. Whether diverging from canon or exploring it further, the authors of this fandom are absolutely incredible and I want to share more of that. ✦ Broken by lilyconrad, obi-wan/anakin & ahsoka & rex & appo & cast, NSFW, sith!obi-wan, dark themes, 33.5k wip The Twins are unstoppable enforcers of the Emperor’s will, the sun and moon that hang in the black void of his rule. It is said they are not the same age and that under their hoods they do not look alike, but they fight as one entity, silent and terrible as an eclipse in a spring sky. ✦ Equinox by lilyconrad, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, sith!obi-wan, 22.2k wip During the Clone Wars, Obi-Wan and Anakin crash on a remote planet and take shelter in the ruins of a grand estate only to find they are not alone. ✦ The Nature of Fire by Phosphorescent, anakin/padme & cast, 3.3k wip “One Jedi, then,” Padmé offered to the others. At least let me speak the truth to my love. At least. Please, she pleaded with them silently. “There is one Jedi—one whom I truly know all of us can trust absolutely …” Her voice trailed off into appalled silence when she realized that she wasn’t talking about Anakin. ✦ Bad Actors With Bad Habits (Some Sad Singers, They Just Play Tragic) by citizenjess (givehimonemore), obi-wan/anakin, dark themes, read the warnings!, 5.9k Tired of his Padawan’s poor behavior, Obi-Wan sets out to teach him an unorthodox lesson. ✦ Attachments by Shadow Padawan, obi-wan/anakin & cast, fluff, 1.1k It had been attachment that had almost turned Anakin to the Dark Side. But it had been attachment that had forced Obi-Wan to go against the Council… ✦ It’s Not a Rule if You Don’t Try and Break It by avarand, obi-wan/anakin & ahsoka/barriss & mace/depa & cast, NSFW, a/b/o, 15k The Jedi Temple takes matching its Alpha Sentinels and Omega Guides very seriously. All Omega Guides must register with the Republic and the Temple. Anakin refuses, but gets caught anyway. But if he meets enough candidates and still says no, they gotta let him go. Problem is, there’s this posh Alpha Jedi with auburn hair. ✦ Staggering Is For Those With Nothing To Live Up To by shiningjedi, mace & ponds & cast, 3.3k wip Ponds has fought side-by-side with his general for over two years, so if Windu thinks that he can’t tell when something’s off, then, with all due respect, he’s made a serious error of judgement. ✦ Three People Who Knew But Never Told by LurkingCrow, luke & mon & pooja & kix & cast, 5.2k A brief look at a few characters who might have guessed the secret of Luke’s parentage, but canonically either never did or never said so. ✦ It’s the Greatest Thing You’d Ever Imagine by WinterSky101, obi-wan/anakin/padme & bail, empress!padme, 2.1k Padmé is crowned Empress of the Galaxy. ✦ Hello Again verse part 1 / part 2 by delicatefury, obi-wan & anakin & cast, 2.3k wip When Anakin Skywalker is born, Obi-Wan Kenobi is flooded with dreams-memories-visions of a life already lived. full details + recs under the cut!

✦ Broken by lilyconrad, obi-wan/anakin & ahsoka & rex & appo & cast, NSFW, sith!obi-wan, dark themes, 33.5k wip The Twins are unstoppable enforcers of the Emperor’s will, the sun and moon that hang in the black void of his rule. It is said they are not the same age and that under their hoods they do not look alike, but they fight as one entity, silent and terrible as an eclipse in a spring sky. Chapter 8: This is an update rec and will focus on this chapter, rather than the fic as a whole. One of the things I most appreciate about this fic is that it’s not grimdark for the sake of being grimdark or edgy, but that I knew from the outset that this wasn’t going to be a happy fic, that it does justice to what has happened to Obi-Wan and Anakin, that to have broken them, it must have been something so terrible that it can’t be undone again, that that’s how strong the characters were before and that’s what the weight of this story and these events mean. Where that’s ultimately headed, I’m still not even sure, but I’m eager to find out–even as I’m sad that there’s only one more chapter left, because I feel like, with the way things have been set up, it could be a bittersweet ending or it could be an entirely tragic ending. The bits of memory that have floated back, even the good parts, just hurt more for the contrast against what they are now and the associations of what happened later that they bring with them. It’s also lovely for Ahsoka’s role in this, the emotion she brings to the reader and to the other characters, both when they do and don’t recognize her, she’s used so very well for that effect. It shows just how little of who they used to be is left, and yet there are still echoes, which is so sad, but is exactly what this scenario calls for. The fight against Ahsoka and the realization of what’s looming even beyond that, all of it has such great pacing, I could just read and read and read, if I had the rest of it available in front of them. The memories floating to the surface, the clashing of senses of self between Obi-Wan and Anakin and Sen and Koh, the fight with Ahsoka, the rapidly approaching next fight, all of it was beautifully done, there’s something so elegant about this story, something beautiful even as it’s horrible and broken. I’m going to be sad when this fic ends, but I’m also looking forward to the conclusion and having hurt feelings about it, in the exact way I should. ✦ Equinox by lilyconrad, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, sith!obi-wan, 22.2k wip During the Clone Wars, Obi-Wan and Anakin crash on a remote planet and take shelter in the ruins of a grand estate only to find they are not alone. Chapter 4: This is an update rec and will focus on this chapter, rather than the fic as a whole. I’m also going split this rec into two parts, the first half will be my usual mostly non-spoilery version, the second will be a much more detailed reaction. Because I want to and I have things to say! Non-spoilery: I’ll preface this by saying that this fic was written for me and so it’s tailored to my wants, so I cannot speak with true objectivity on it, but I can still recognize when something is beautifully written and when it’s just ridiculously good. While reading this fic, it was like I could feel my brain lighting up from it, there was almost a physical feeling in my nerves for how much I enjoyed a certain scene in this chapter, where Obi-Wan and Isten (Sith!Anakin) have a conversation and it gets at the heart of what is so, so fascinating about these two pairs meeting–they’re not the same as their other self, but they are a negative image of each other, and that the contrasts are all there, beautifully done, but there’s also more comparisons than Obi-Wan (or Anakin) would be comfortable with. And it takes nothing away from the canon, nor does it make these beautiful Soft Sith versions any less the ones of my heart, and that’s exactly what I hoped for. The tension in that scene, after the almost lazy and unhurried scene between Obi-Wan and Anakin, is incredible, that this Isten is recognizable as Anakin in some ways and everything that means to Obi-Wan, but he’s so different and that means the tone changes, it changes in the way the scene unfolds, in the showing of it, not the author telling it. And, oh, good god, that scene doesn’t even have to be explicit to be smoking hot, the imagery is ridiculously good, and the final scene, the reason why Obi-Wan goes, what he sees, what it says about those two as well as himself and Anakin, all of it just smacked my id down to the floor and told it not to get up again, in the best possible way. Of course, that’s not even all, there’s a growing mystery, there are little character details all over the place, and a beautifully creepy scene in the hallway that’s only a moment, but had me hooked for the plot, too, not just the gorgeous twining around all four of these characters do with each other. SPOILERS: I think the above rec could be read without having read the chapter itself, but beyond this point I’m absolutely going to talk about specific things and I think the chapter is better read first–but I still want to do this because a) FEELINGS and b) I know I like reading responses from other people sometimes, too! I loved all of this chapter, it’s easily my favorite of the fic yet, I loved the way Obi-Wan and Anakin’s relationship is this friendship fraught with the same issues we all recognize from canon, that they care deeply about each other, but they’re wound tightly because of the war and that there’s that bit of distance between them that feels not right. Then along comes the Sith duo, especially Isten, who can’t help poking at them, for whatever reason he does it, because he’s bored, because he likes doing it, because Veris (Sith!Obi-Wan) wanted him to, because he has a plan, because he just wants to see things explode, or even just because Obi-Wan is still a version of his Master. And he’s so like Anakin in some ways, so much of a cocky attitude, so much power roiling through him, and yet he’s more settled in his skin than Anakin himself is, there’s something that feels like it’s clicked into place for him, and that scene does a lot to show Obi-Wan just exactly what that is. He needles this version of his Master with how he and Veris are together, how he listens to Veris, how Obi-Wan wants to know why that is, and then shows him. It’s not even an explicit scene, but it was still one of the hottest things I’ve ever read, how he sinks to his knees and loosens his clothing and touches himself, softly pleads with his Master to touch him, how much he wants this. That Obi-Wan isn’t out of line to think that Veris forces him to be the way he is, to see him still wearing his tabards because Veris likes it (and that was a beautifully subtle touch, for further comparisons and contrasts), to see the way Veris grabs him by the hair to pull his head back, to hear Isten say that Veris has him every night, but that it unfolds and we see that it’s what Isten wants, that he enjoys the guiding hand Veris uses on him, that he easily gives it over for the control Veris can wrap him up in, despite his incredible strength and power. And that it’s a scene about the way Obi-Wan reacts, the iron in his voice when he commands Isten to stop that, the way Isten stills at it and the moment of intense satisfaction it brings Obi-Wan before he’s horrified, that spark of finally reigning Anakin in, finally putting necessary boundaries on him, then the guilt that he would enjoy it, despite that Isten flourishes under it, needs it. That comparison to go with the contrast, what it says not just about this other version of Anakin, but how it immediately turns thoughts to this Anakin, how little control he has over himself, how much more unsettled and unstable he feels, how much more angry he is, and it can’t help but intrigue. Not that the fic is done with me yet! Oh, to have Obi-Wan happen to see Veris and Isten in the middle of actual fucking, especially after Anakin had stumbled over them as well, was delightfully executed here, it wasn’t just that it made sense, but that it got at my feelings, that this was still a version of Anakin and, if he was in trouble, Obi-Wan had to help him, no matter that it might have been a trap they were setting. It says everything about Obi-Wan, that he recognizes the potential risks here, he’s not blind about what it could be, but if there’s a chance, he has to help. It’s still Anakin. Even if it’s not, because the scene with the Jedi is… even when they’re sharing a room, even when it’s clear they’re very close, there’s that sense of distance, it’s something just a little less warm, which is so different from Veris and Isten, the sheer amount of intimacy and want. Of course it’s different, they’re in a different type of relationship, there’s going to be more of a specific kind of passion to lovers than there will be to friends, but I still felt it, it’s never said in the writing specifically, but I felt it. The imagery in the scene Obi-Wan witnesses, as Isten’s hands are tied to the headboard as Veris fucks him, only an open tunic on him as his long legs wrap around his Master, everything else, even his glove, bared to his Master, no stubborness or forcing himself to be stronger than he is, just letting his Master hold him and have him and fuck him. Pleading for more of it, complately trusting Veris to have every part of him, parts Anakin keeps angrily hidden. And, oh, when Veris calls Isten Anakin, it’s this beautiful shock to my system, to Obi-Wan’s as well, that we’d gotten used to thinking of them otherwise, even with the reason he came here was because this was some version of Anakin, but to hear Veris say his name, to hold him so dear, how beautiful and wanted this Anakin is to him. When Isten comes at Veris’ command and then he rolls them over to have Isten continue riding him, the memories of the first time Obi-Wan had another man riding him like that, how everything about it twines together around the image of Anakin Anakin Anakin in my mind, was also gorgeous. I loved these scenes for the sex, they were ridiculously pleasing to me on a personal level, but it’s also all the things that aren’t so different after all, everything that’s being said about these characters and their motivations under the surface, what’s true about all of them, that’s what really light my mind up like I can’t even describe. Of course, there is actually a developing mystery here–slow bits of plot being teased about why this mansion is here, what drew them to it, why the Force feels so strange here, what’s happening with Anakin at the end, what was the shadow that wonderfully creepy doing there, what do the journals mean or even say, who was watching them that wasn’t the Sith? All of it has me absolutely hooked, it’s all building and building and I actually loved this chapter enough to be satisfied for the next two weeks, but also that I am so ready for this fic to be in my hot little hands now. And, yes, every word of this rec was necessary, shut up. ♥ ✦ The Nature of Fire by Phosphorescent, anakin/padme & cast, 3.3k wip “One Jedi, then,” Padmé offered to the others. At least let me speak the truth to my love. At least. Please, she pleaded with them silently. “There is one Jedi—one whom I truly know all of us can trust absolutely …” Her voice trailed off into appalled silence when she realized that she wasn’t talking about Anakin. This is a fic about exploring Padme’s character and her relationship with Anakin and that it’s a complicated, messy thing. There’s such passion between them, but Anakin is not stable and their relationship never developed strong foundations and this is a fic about Padme caring so deeply, but re-evaluating a lot of things in her life. I can understand how canon Padme got there, her compassion often overwhelmed her objectivity, so I was wary of this fic straying too far into Perfect Padme territory as much of fanon tends to do with her, but instead I got a really beautiful look at her character, how much she cares and loves, but she’s disturbed by things she’s seeing and the fic does a lovely job of showing the flaws in this relationship, how toxic it has become, while still obviously writing both of them with depth and sympathy. This is Anakin who is not in a good place, who is crossing boundaries he shouldn’t, who scares her sometimes, who cannot trust her even when she gives him no reason not to. This is not an easy thing, because Padme can’t help but feel how much pain he’s in, she can’t help but soften towards him when he’s trying to pull back from disaster, she can’t help but love him so much. It’s such a delicate balance, but this fic does justice to it, and I’m greatly looking forward to where it goes from here. ✦ Bad Actors With Bad Habits (Some Sad Singers, They Just Play Tragic) by citizenjess (givehimonemore), obi-wan/anakin, dark themes, read the warnings!, 5.9k Tired of his Padawan’s poor behavior, Obi-Wan sets out to teach him an unorthodox lesson. This is a fic where you should definitely read the warnings ahead of time, but I found that I really enjoyed this one because I knew what I was getting ahead of time and because what really got me were the little touches. The way Anakin is twisted around, wanting to be a Jedi and yet wanting something else, too. The way Obi-Wan is frustrated by him, but also clearly cares so much for him. The way Anakin is such an utter brat the entire way through this, the way he seems to desperately want Obi-Wan’s attention, for Obi-Wan to kiss him, to climb on Obi-Wan’s lap and ride him. And the sex was lovely as well, I greatly enjoy Anakin being this cheeky obnoxious little shit (that’s layered over the myriad of issues he has and how much he wants Obi-Wan’s attention and touch) who is eager to get Obi-Wan inside him already, to ride him until they’re both satisfied. For a story with dark themes, it’s one that doesn’t hit my embarrassment squick and instead engaged me the whole way through, so I’m glad I read it! ✦ Attachments by Shadow Padawan, obi-wan/anakin & cast, fluff, 1.1k It had been attachment that had almost turned Anakin to the Dark Side. But it had been attachment that had forced Obi-Wan to go against the Council… This is a short, but super cute, fluffy little piece where everything is happy and good and sometimes I just really, really need that! It’s a fix it AU and everything went right and now things are happy and sweet, which is what I was looking for when I picked this one up. :D ✦ It’s Not a Rule if You Don’t Try and Break It by avarand, obi-wan/anakin & ahsoka/barriss & mace/depa & cast, NSFW, a/b/o, 15k The Jedi Temple takes matching its Alpha Sentinels and Omega Guides very seriously. All Omega Guides must register with the Republic and the Temple. Anakin refuses, but gets caught anyway. But if he meets enough candidates and still says no, they gotta let him go. Problem is, there’s this posh Alpha Jedi with auburn hair. I read this fic in pretty much one sitty and it was exactly what I was looking for when I picked it up–it happily embraces the tropes of a/b/o, it does some world-building but doesn’t get too heavily into it at the expense of the characters and what I’m here for (the relationship between Obi-Wan and Anakin), it’s basically like a romcom with added alpha/omega elements thrown in. It was just fun, it seemed fond of all the cast that was included, I never had to cringe when anyone was on the page, like one of my faves was going to get treated badly, because it kept to that warm feeling. It’s not entirely soft, there’s stuff in the background that needed fixing, but what drew me to this one was that it felt good here, that this fic was kind to the groups that I loved! And then there was some very id-pleasing sex, where it was just like the courtship between Obi-Wan and Anakin, that there were occasional rough edges, but it was still pretty sweet, and Anakin got to be open and vulnerable as he pleaded to just fuck him already, just push into him and satisfy him already, and then Obi-Wan finally did and they fit together perfectly. It’s definitely a soft-edged fic and grabs hold of the traditional tropes with both hands, but that’s what I wanted when I picked it up, I wanted something that would be kind and gentle to me as a reader! ✦ Staggering Is For Those With Nothing To Live Up To by shiningjedi, mace & ponds & cast, 3.3k wip Ponds has fought side-by-side with his general for over two years, so if Windu thinks that he can’t tell when something’s off, then, with all due respect, he’s made a serious error of judgement. I really, really enjoyed seeing Mace & Ponds fic, it’s something we get so very little of, seeing Mace with the clones, and this isn’t terribly long yet, but I’m intrigued by it and I felt it was worth reading just to get some of the interaction here, to see Ponds being frustrated and fond by turns, as most clones are about the Jedi that lead them. It’s off to a good start and I would love to see more, but even just a glimpse gives me a lot of feelings for these characters all over again! ✦ Three People Who Knew But Never Told by LurkingCrow, luke & mon & pooja & kix & cast, 5.2k A brief look at a few characters who might have guessed the secret of Luke’s parentage, but canonically either never did or never said so. Oh, this was a lovely and bittersweet series of exactly what it promised, that it’s little scenes and character explorations that could so easily have fit between the scenes of canon and work together with it perfectly. The choice of characters is an interesting one, but each one of them makes sense, each one of them had enough information and had seen Anakin and Padme together enough to know, and each of them had reasons to keep their silence. Each one of them is such a strong, good look at each character and the strength of their motivations and care for this person they’ve only really seen from a distance mostly, it’s a collection of scenes that show the weight of what happened to this galaxy, that these three are such clear examples of the strength people have and the weight they try to bear up under, what the Empire has done to everyone. There’s so much oppression and suffering here but they each survive in their own way. And, oh, it’s such a good look at them looking at this child of Anakin and Padme, balanced between the hope he brings and how much they miss the people that he came from. ✦ It’s the Greatest Thing You’d Ever Imagine by WinterSky101, obi-wan/anakin/padme & bail, empress!padme, 2.1k Padmé is crowned Empress of the Galaxy. This fic is sort of two things at once–the first half is about Padme accepting the title of Empress of the galaxy and the second half is about the Obianidala banter. I enjoyed the look at Padme’s character and I enjoyed the banter between the three of them, the way they all played off each other, especially when Anakin is a petulant brat in a really adorable way, Anakin and Padme really were the highlight of this piece for me! ✦ Hello Again verse part 1 / part 2 by delicatefury, obi-wan & anakin & cast, 2.3k wip When Anakin Skywalker is born, Obi-Wan Kenobi is flooded with dreams-memories-visions of a life already lived. These are two scenes from a much larger AU, which hasn’t been written yet but oh boy did these two pieces capture my attention something fierce and are already giving me the good stuff, so even if nothing more comes of this one, I’m already happy. It’s an AU where they both are flooded with memories much earlier on and Anakin knows that his Very Important Person is a Jedi and is somewhere in the Temple and, oh my god, I didn’t know how much I needed an AU where todder!Anakin is looking for someone, the Jedi don’t know who, they think it’s someone else, and then eventually, WHAM, he and Obi-Wan are finally reunited in the most hilarious and adorable way pretty much ever. I had so many feelings during their reunion (and almost-reunion!) and the writing is so sharp and perfect and engaging, I practically grinned until my face hurt the entire way through both pieces, I loved them so much.

#obi wan kenobi #anakin skywalker #padme amidala #obikin #ahsoka tano #anidala #luke skywalker #leia organa #fic recs #star wars fic recs

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swfanficbyjz · 8 years ago

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SW AU - Fate of the Master: Chapter 1

The explosion rocked the temple as they each dove in opposite directions to avoid getting hit by the heavy stones now raining down on them. Even with the insulating protection of his helmet, the sound was deafening. For long moments following the initial collapse he couldn’t hear anything. The dusty smoke and ash swirled around him as he ran awkwardly to the edge of the room seeking cover. He couldn’t make her out in the chaos, but he could sense she was still alive.

He coughed as dirt and debris was sucked into the hole she’d cut in his mask and was now interfering with his respiratory system. He needed to get back to his ship and into his hermetically sealed chamber so he could repair his suit. For years, he’d felt it was indestructible; that nobody that dared fight him would ever get close enough to do any real damage to it. The only person alive that once matched his power was nowhere to be found. He’d let his guard down, it wouldn’t happen again. Somewhere in her quick movements, she’d sidestepped his impregnable defenses as if he’d been merely swinging a practice saber.

The heads-up display in the remaining eye socket homed in on movement. He blinked to zoom in and could just make out the top of her montrals as she slunk slowly, low to the ground behind a large stone. Glancing around to make sure there was no other immediate danger, he stood up as quickly as he could and clenched his robotic hand into a fist. She gasped in surprise and her eyes widened as he sidestepped the rock and came into her field of vision.

He held her up in the air with the force like she weighed nothing. The invisible choking hold slowly stealing the life from her. It was time to finish this, he could not have any reminders of who he used to be. The path forward was nothing but blood and destruction and he was glad of it. He was glad to not have to think, to feel, to fear… Skywalker had been weak, but Vader was strong. Vader was ruthless and cunning, merciless and… powerful. He smirked into the mouthpiece of his helmet, putting more pressure into his grip of the force. He watched her squirm and struggle under his power. He could feel her fear… he could feel her life force fading. She twitched and shuddered, gulping for air. It would all be over soon. But as he watched her trying to claw free from invisible hands through one red lens and one with no filter, memories of Padmé flooded his brain with more intensity than a thermal detonator; seeing her struggling for air, her pregnant belly causing her to sway awkwardly as she groped at nothing. Rage overwhelmed him; anger, hatred… and then something else… remorse?

He dropped his clenched hand just as Ahsoka’s body stilled; gulping down his pain, trying to restore Vader to the foreground. What had just happened? How had Anakin risen inside him? His weakness and compassion should have been crushed ages ago! From his knees where he’d fallen he looked up at Ahsoka’s splayed body, unmoving where he had dropped her. He felt a burning pain, sadness, in his chest. Why could he still feel the unworthy worm inside him? How had he risen through so many layers of conditioned defenses?

He stumbled clumsily towards her; crawling through the mess on all fours like an animal. He reached out one gloved, mechanical hand to touch her lekku before he could stop himself, surprising himself with the tenderness. Though he could not physically feel her pulse, he could feel her life force steadily regaining strength. She was still alive! He hadn’t succeeded!

He rocked back to a kneeling position and grabbed her hands trying to pull her to a sitting position. He cursed his mechanical limbs and how hard they made his movement. He almost dropped her trying to turn her so she was sitting with her back against one knee. He held her stiffly, unable to subtly shift her to a more comfortable position like a normal human would have been able to. He held her with his left hand around her shoulders and his right gently caressing her face.

“I’m so sorry, Ahsoka.” He breathed with difficulty. “I’m so sorry.” He repeated as he rocked her still body. Somewhere in the back of his brain he knew the emperor would punish him for this show of weakness, but for the moment, he didn’t care. The emperor, the empire, the Sith, the whole galaxy, for that matter, felt light years away. For a precious few moments, he could forget them; forget everything, except the Togruta in his arms.

She’d grown so much since he’d last seen her. Even unconscious, a power surrounded her he’d never witnessed before. She’d always been powerful, that was never a question; reckless, impulsive, fearless… and ready to follow him into anything the war dished out. That was his Snips. But now the power lived under the surface; flowing from her in the form of quiet confidence and acceptance. Whatever had happened to her in the last sixteen years had forced her to mature, to adapt and to survive. He found himself suddenly wishing he’d been there to see it; he knew he’d have stood by full of pride, ready to leap to her defense at any moment. This was all his fault.

She stirred in his arms, sleepily trying to reach her face and rub her eyes. “Anakin?” She murmured, blinking sluggishly a few times.

“I’m here,” he whispered hoarsely, fighting the sudden wave of emotions.

“Anakin,” she said again. “Oh… my Anakin…” her voice was dreamlike as she fought for consciousness again. Her Anakin? His heart leapt in his chest, jubilant and full of feelings he’d long since locked down. How could she care about him so much? He tried desperately to clamp his pattering heart. When she was fully awake again, she would not be so forgiving; she would remember what he’d tried to do. He took her arms and lifted her so she was perched on his knee. Her head lolled slightly as she tried to wake up. “Anakin? Is that really you?” She said, some vigor returning to her voice.

“Yes.” He croaked as her hand reached up to touch his helmet. He held his breath as her other one reached up to take hold of it in both hands.

“Why are you hiding from me?” Her words slurred slightly as if she’d been drinking Corellian whiskey. He could feel his cheeks becoming damp, but he dared not move. He just held her unable to pull away. He knew she would try to remove his helmet the rest of the way. Could his heart take it? She fumbled for a few moments with the magnetic clasps, but despite her sullied state, it came loose with a release of air. His heart was racing now. He wanted to stop her, but he could not. For some reason… he had to know if she could still love the scarred and broken face that lived in that helmet; the one that struggled to breathe, the shadow of what he’d once been.

She pulled off the top of his helmet with one hand, the other on his shoulder to keep herself steady… and she looked at him. She was the first living being outside his attendants to see his face since he’d first been put in that suit. He was ashamed, he wanted to look away, to spare himself the inevitable look of horror in her eyes, but when she dropped the helmet he looked up before he could stop himself, surprised to find instead of horror or even pity, love. Her hands traced the sides of his bumpy face. She caressed it with such tenderness, he could only weep. Then to his surprise, she stood up and leaned forward and kissed him gently on the top of his head.

“My love,” she said, in Togrutan. Had he known she spoke the language of her ancestors? He’d never heard her do it before… not that he could recall anyways. Maybe she was afraid of what she was feeling? Maybe she’d hoped he didn’t understand her?

He stood up, lifting her with him, her arms fell comfortably around his neck piece as he embraced her around the waist and pulled her close, slightly to the side so none of his chest buttons were pushed. She gazed adoringly at his misshapen face as if she could still see the handsome one it had once been. “I’ve always loved you.” She said steadily. How had he not known? His mind wandered to Padmé and he realized… because he’d only had eyes for her, he could never see anyone else. Yet, no matter how hard he’d held onto his wife, this annoying little Togruta girl had wormed her way into his heart too. He’d always known he was attached to her, of course, he’d just never realized how much. He’d been so blind; he’d distracted himself so completely, especially after she left, that the possibility that she could love him had eluded him. If he had Padmé, a romantic relationship with anyone else was out of the question.

His arms dropped to his side and she slid back to the ground, but she refused to let him go and snaked her arms around his back leaning into his chest. He was tired. He no longer lacked the strength to deal with the rollercoaster of emotions as they bombarded him one right after another like the unrelenting blaster bolts of the old battle droids. He dropped again to his knees as if his robotic limbs were failing him. Stronger than ever she caught his weight as she too lowered herself down. He leaned into her like she was his only strength. And she held fast to him as if she understood how hard this was for him. Her face was up in the crook of his neck cuddled as close as she could get with his bulky armor.

“Ahsoka,” he breathed raggedly, grasping for her body as if she needed to be closer still. He looked at her at last as she pulled away enough to gaze up at him. He leaned in for the kiss, acutely aware that the respirator that jutted forward could easily stab her in the neck. Somehow, she managed to navigate the minefield of heavy machinery around his lips and they collided at last. She pulled him closer as she weaved her arms around his neck. It had been forever ago in memories since he’d tasted something so sweet. His lips were glued to her like she was his life support now. He wanted to hold her forever; to taste everything she was and everything she would be. But as their kiss went on, he started gasping for air.

They broke apart; he coughed and wheezed, pushing his mouth downward to force the bottom half of his helmet to give him air. She leaned the side of her head onto his shoulder, her elbow resting in his hand. Waiting patiently for his breathing to return to normal. She rubbed the pleather material covering his arm and began to slide her hand back up to his face, he caught her wrist. His senses returning as if somehow part of the air his suit provided.

“Ahsoka, stop.” He said harshly. “We can’t do this. It’s wrong.” She pulled away, hurt written across her face.

“Love is never wrong.” She replied indignantly.

“Jedi aren’t allowed to love.” He said angrily. “Love is pain, pain leads to hate, hate leads to suffering.” He spoke quickly so she couldn’t interrupt him.

She stood too and stepped towards him, repeating her earlier sentiment with less venom, “I’m no Jedi.” She tried to reach up to touch his face again, but he stepped away.

“Don’t do this.” He said stiffly. He picked up his helmet from where she’d discarded it before. “I’m not who you want me to be. Anakin is dead. He must remain that way. He is not who I am anymore.” She shivered visibly as if his words lowered the temperature in the room. He put his helmet back on his head, latching it securely once again and breathing deep. She reached for it, shaking her head.

“No…” she whispered, “Anakin… don’t leave me. Don’t do this! Not again.” He caught both her wrists and she struggled to get free as if her very life depended on removing his helmet. It very well might, he breathed in the oxygen from his suit again. His hands tightened on her wrists as Vader returned to the forefront. He felt nothing as she struggled in his arms. He looked at her defiantly.

“The emperor will not be pleased that I showed you mercy,” the cool, emptiness in his voice returning as he continued as if simply stating facts, “go now, and do not come back.” He threw her arms down and turned on his heels, cape billowing behind him.

His stride was long, but she caught up to him anyways, reaching out and catching his arm, “no.” She said simply. He stopped and she slid her arm through his. “I’m going with you. Wherever you go.” He looked down at her assessing and then he pulled away from her and continued walking.

She ran until she was in front of him and he stopped again, looking her up and down. “Don’t make me kill you,” he growled, pulling his lightsaber from his belt. But even though he could skewer her before she had time to react, she stepped boldly within range and grabbed his arm again.

“I’m coming with you.” It wasn’t a request. “You’ll just have to tell the emperor you found a recruit.” He looked down at her again, so young still, so naïve… so trusting. As if she could not possibly fathom the wretchedness that awaited her; the torture she would have to endure before the emperor would be convinced of her loyalty to him, if he ever would.

“You don’t want to do this.” He breathed. “Trust me.”

“As a matter of fact, I do.” She snipped. “I’m not a Jedi, but I know where to find some. For a place at your side, I’ll give you anything you want. Now let’s go find this emperor of yours.” She raised the arm that wasn’t wrapped around his in an ‘onward’ gesture. He started limping along with her by his side wondering why he was letting her come along. His mind buzzed with how to protect her from herself, let alone the emperor. He’d tried to warn her, but she refused to listen. Would she really join the dark side so easily? Did he want her too? Even as Vader, he liked having her on his arm; there was something oddly soothing about her presence. As if she could tame the monsters inside of him and bring the screaming dragon to its knees. She’d already done it twice as if he’d never built defenses rather than take sixteen years to carefully construct them. But no, she’d smashed through them in seconds, like the separatist battle tanks.

He stole a sideways glance at her. She wasn’t a child anymore. Her lekku came down to her waist, her montrals higher, but she was still tiny compared to him. He’d always been tall, but now the mechanical appendages exaggerated his height, the bulky suit with all its life sustaining apparatus made him bulkier. He was fearsome to behold. Most that faced him, even the officers that he directed, would cower before him. And yet here stood a small Togruta woman full of fire, passion, a quick tongue and a gigantic heart, that could not be made to fear him. If there was one thing in the galaxy he could be thankful for, despite everything that had happened, it was that he’d never let Obi wan tame her. In her, he’d seen a flame so intense it could light the world on fire. But in her eagerness to please, to be accepted, all those years ago, Obi wan would have snuffed it out; quoting rules and procedure until she’d become as interesting as a rock.

The Jedi had only really cared about one thing; obeying without question. In many ways, they were worse slavers than the Hutts; taking children from their parents and turning them into submissive zombies devoid of feelings, sense, and personality. Raising them to be machines of war, fighters without par, save for the Sith. And then dismissing them if they dared disagree with their methods. He saw the Jedi for what they truly were; cold, unfeeling overseers, bent only on saving face in the eyes of the republic.

He squashed the rise of anger. It was pointless to let it bother him now. The Jedi were nearly extinct. The republic a waste. In its place, the Empire; that Emperor Sidious had carefully constructed from the ruins of a failed democracy. He’d chipped away what brought it down and sculpted a government of action. No more endless senate debates. A dictated instruction, followed by seamless execution. The people of the galaxy were lucky to have such a wise leader. If only they were more appreciative of the peace it brought.

Next Chapter ->

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