#anakin comfort angst Tumblr posts

[glorystark]

Prompt List

I decided to make a prompt list. It’s still in progress but I’m gonna publish it anyway. REQUESTS ARE OPEN :)

P.S.: It’s mostly angst!

“I told you to not get too close to me.”

“We were never friends.”

“I wish you never had trusted me.”

“From the day we met, I knew I’d hurt you eventually.”

“I’m good at hurting people. It’s all I’ve ever done.”

“ I deserve more than this.”

“ You’re hurting me.”

“ I never loved you.”

“Please let me go.”

“Don’t leave me.”

“ Don’t make this harder than it already is.”

“Not everything is about you.”

“ I want pt you out of my here, and out of my life.”

“Kill me.”

“I can’t trust you anymore.”

“When will you stop lying?.”

“I should have seen it coming.”

“Make it quick please?”

“Forgive me for what I’m about to do.”

“I hate you.”

“You ruin everything.”

“What the fuck did you just say?”

“You mean nothing to me.”

“You did this to me.”

“Move or I’ll move you.”

“Repeat yourself, I dare you.”

“I wish I never met you.”

“You ruined my life.”

“I gave you my everything.”

“We are over.”

“It’s too late for apologies now.”

“I’m sorry for us.”

“Of course you didn’t love me, I’m such an idiot.”

“What about the plans we made?”

“Bearing your pain has always been my job.”

“What did you do to make your heart become so cold?”

“Remember how we used to be? I don’t.”

“Look what happened because of you.”

“I didn’t mean to.”

“How can you be in love with me when you destroyed all my happinesses.”

“I’m so tired of everything.”

“Stop yelling at me!”

“Get out!”

“I’m falling for you and it’s scaring the shit out of me.”

“What happened to us?”

“I don’t feel like I belong here anymore.”

“Why does our love feel like prison.”

“When I let go, run for your life.”

“I always knew you’d die in my arms.”

“I gave up on us a long time ago.”

“Your eyes can be so cruel.”

“You thought I cared about you? Cute.”

[ladyxskywalker]

In Exile, ii

Anakin Skywalker x F!Reader/OFC

During his morning meditation on the mountain side, Anakin faces a new enemy

part one | part three

a choose your own outcome story !

weekly story polls posted at the end of each chapter !

hope you enjoy ! 💌

Cliffs

Anakin didn’t like very many people.

Not since forming a close bond with Obi Wan, and certainly not since falling in love with Padme.

The idea of love never even crossed his mind in the last few years living out his existence on this planet. Monotony, and isolation compounded all of that for him. It was no longer on his radar.

Wherever he ended up in life, he didn’t feel it necessary to speak to anyone, let alone form a friendship with them if he absolutely didn’t have to.

He kept his head down. Stayed quiet. Tended to his field everyday. Watched as his crops and trees took on shape and beauty. That was something he could relate to - hard work, and discipline. Doing his best, and making sure that he was absolutely ‘better’ than everyone.

they don’t know what I’m capable of…

But when his neighbor moved in on the plot of land next to his, everything started to change. A man who once lost his sense of humanity, started to become whole again. 

Her smile did that for him.

And the sound of her voice alone, seemed to have made things the slightest bit better again.

So, when she told him of her troubles the day before involving that lowly fisherman, he got angry. Even more so when he heard more about this from the villagers in town.

It took everything in him just to speak with the modest shopkeepers, and the elders. Going against staying silent in order just to help her.

what do you know about him?

he’s a defector! a scoundrel!

fled fighting in the war?

I don’t know where from, but yes. took off during the clone wars.

how did he end up here?

bar fight, ended badly.

what do you mean?

stole from someone, then killed them. had a bounty on his head but escaped, somehow ended up here.

he won’t be here for long…

we’re good people, lars, none of us asked for thieves and criminals to infiltrate our home…

If only they knew…

As he begins to feel one with all of his thoughts, a light breeze begins to pass through all of the trees behind him. The sweet melodic song birds, delivering their peace to all of the mountainside. Everything is green here. The water, freshest just from falling. All that was once jagged is now made smooth again; the river, freely flowing over all of the stones and rock.

It reminds him of a time when everything made more sense. At least, that is what he settles with during his daily meditation. Breathing like this with his eyes closed makes him feel as though he has some sort of purpose, a reminder that, yes, perhaps I can in fact be whole again. 

But, it’s this one fight that’s been holding him back from all of it.

A kind face, that no matter how hard he tries, can never be forgotten.

Frankly, it’s become somewhat of an annoyance…

A beautiful, and persistent, growing sort of distraction…

you’re nice to me.

I try.

“Ha! Would you get a load of this! Tough guy seems to be one with nature! I know what you really are!”

there he is, perfect timing. 

“And what’s that? I’m just dying for you to tell me…”

With his eyes closed, Anakin smirks, where instinctually he feels the vagrant in question pacing back and forth behind him. 

his steps make the grass fold.

a few twigs have snapped.

“You’re soft! Defending some disgusting woman! What’d you think I wouldn’t hear about where you are?”

“That was my plan all along, not my fault you fell for it.”

there goes a splash into the water.

an echo of a floating basket behind him.

Anakin stands, turning to see what the sound was, only to find broken stems, and dirt, clouding the bottom of a nearby waterfall.

Rose petals. Scattered thorns...

Sunflowers, and broken glass jars.

Stolen garden tools.

Homemade favors, and jam, wrapped in woven cloth of all colors, strewn about the neighboring rocks. 

“You’re nothing, Lars, just like the rest of us! Who knows if that’s even who you really are!”

He smirks, all while lifting the palm of his hand, and controlling the air around them. Watching as his newfound enemy begins to choke on his own breath.

“Perhaps it is best that you address me from the floor.”

Anakin circles him, all while tightening his grip around his neck through the force.

“I was…right…you are…”

With a sharp and instant motion, all at once, he slams him toward the ground.

“Enough.”

Then, he continues with his onslaught.

“It seems you know exactly who I am, and what I’ve done. So the rest is only inevitable…”

His enemy’s eyes are ruthless, but there is only silence. A quiet he can not withhold.

“You’ve led a kind woman into great distress. Destroying her livelihood. And for what? Because she denied you?”

Anakin backhands him, a hardened blow to the face that manages to break the force’s hold.

“Coward.”

He then lands a strengthened kick to his stomach, before stepping on his throat.

Through the grit of teeth, the fisherman snarls.

“You’re…no General…”

“How would you know? You never fought in my war.”

he’s been spreading falsehoods about me and my family throughout the village…

“All you’ve done is harass an innocent girl. Do you take pride in that? What makes you so miserable?”

Releasing his boot, Anakin slowly walks toward the wildflowers. For a second he thinks about collecting some of them when he’s done here. And…the possibility of how they would look on her, worn as a pretty crown.

“She’s nothing but a whore!”

With his back turned, so viciously, he smiles.

“So unfortunate…”

As the nameless vagrant begins to rise to his feet, the entire mountain begins to rumble, causing him to stumble and fall.

“...that now you will be no more than a pile of dust.”

With a menacing crack, Anakin’s wrath lays claim to all of the Earth, forcing his enemy over the ridge ahead of him; listening to his screams ring out from the shattered edges of the cliffs.

what have I done?

why should I feel remorse?

I did nothing wrong...

he deserved it...

“He won’t be a problem anymore.” 

The words come easily, but they are only above a whisper now.

Everything is strangely quiet, where the trees no longer move.

It reminds him of the calm that happens right before a powerful storm.

Except, the carnage has already happened…

And he feels all the more alone.

… ❤️

thanks so much for reading & sharing this story ! I hope you are enjoying the choose your own outcome polls. it has definitely been a lot of fun getting to write these short scenes. sometimes I don't even know what will happen next until I am actually writing them ! I would love to know what you think. 💌😊 xo A

[aniharas]

𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘷𝘦𝘴 𝘴𝘶𝘤𝘬 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘪𝘯

pairing: anakin skywalker x jedi!fem!reader

summary: in the soul-shattering aftermath of geonosis, anakin finds solace in forbidden affection, risking everything for a stolen moment under the moonlight.

warnings: angst, ptsd, trauma, phantom pains. anakin just needs a hug.

wc: 4k+ oneshot

a/n: this is mainly written from anakin's pov and detailing his thoughts. i was just craving an angst fest don't mind me. likes and reblogs deeply appreciated :) inbox is open! enjoy <3

The light-polluted nights of Coruscant were not very kind to the Chosen One.

It was becoming a ritual: stirring at the latest hour in a sweat in the night. Almost an hourly occurrence. Poor Anakin would cry out, reaching for the ghost of an arm that was no longer there. The memories of the dreadful incident came around often like an old acquaintance, one who didn't quite get the hint that their presence was not wanted.

The terrors were definitely unwanted. Each nightmare that plagued his mind, almost every waking moment, every phantom pain was a painstaking reminder of his own incompetence. He was too weak, too blind to stop what happened. The flash of the red saber. The brief, agonizing, piercing hot sensation in his right arm followed by a sharp breeze. The unmistakable smell of his own charred flesh. The events of Geonosis were far too grisly to forget. The monstrous nature of his failure grasped and invaded his mind with its tendrils, ensuring nothing but pain as it threatened to pull him down under. 

What made matters worse was the useless words of the Jedi Council when he sought their advice. Anakin nearly trudged out of the Council Room in laughter. Did they know how ridiculous they sounded? Firstly, he couldn't confide in anyone or simply desire their comfort. Secondly, his own limbs were considered part of things that he couldn't stay attached to, and the young Jedi found that piece of grim advice hilarious. He wondered if their powers with the Force and their lightsabers were the only reason that they were respected.

The cybernetic arm that he was given only did so much. It functioned like a normal arm and hand; it simulated the sense of touch. It was a piece of technology revered by many and saved those who used it. Whenever he retired to his quarters, he would simply stare at it, desperately hoping that it would complete him, hoping that the many credits invested into his new limb would save his soul from the relentless torment that lurked whenever the sun when down.

It was never the same. How could it ever be the same? Despite the fact that Dooku had severed his right arm, Anakin felt like he had broken his whole body and spirit. One would describe his state as one of constant grieving, for his arm, for himself. He dreaded training, missions, meditating. Eating seemed to be a monumental chore for the boy who was destined to save the galaxy.

His body was at a disconnect with his own mind, and no amount of tinkering or relentless practice with the replacement would help.  It was like everyone else was above ground, moving at a normal pace, and he was stuck at the bottom of the ocean, unable to control the chaos of the water around him.

He had hoped that the nightly perils would cease in their frequency with time. As the years passed, his hope diminished, at the very least wishing that he could get used to the feeling. 

On another lonely, sleepless night, Anakin had woken from phantom pain. Defeated, he slid himself off the edge of his bed, letting his body slump to the floor. He was the phrase 'human wreck' incarnate, his now grown-out hair askew; sweat and tears mingling as they slid down his face and neck; the pale, vein-ridden skin of his half-bare body being proof of his negligence towards himself. It was only on occasion that he could sleep alongside the moon, with no troubling thoughts to bother him. The rest of those nights were akin to psychological torture.

"Maybe it was karma for all the times I used the Force to extract a confession from somebody. Is that what that felt like?" he said to himself.

At times, he liked to pause as if there was someone there who would respond.

He wanted a response, longed for someone to just be there. Someone could sit across from him and say that his pain was superficial, that he was being overdramatic, and Anakin would still be grateful for the words. Intimate touch was constantly on his mind; not the kind of touch that led to something amorous, but the kind that could leave his battle-torn skin covered in goosebumps, the kind that would make him hyper-aware of every inch of his body.

He brushed his human fingers over the forearm of his replacement, wanting to know if there was some way he could make himself feel that intimacy. His desperation to simply feel was slowly driving him mad, and he once again let himself lose to his rage. A tear seemed to poetically slip down Anakin's cheek as his sweat-ridden fingers fumbled around with the latches, dislodging his mechno-arm and flinging it towards his wall with enough strength he could muster. A pained grunt escaped his lips.

As it slammed against the wall, it made a loud, yet unsatisfying 'thud'. Some of the casing popped off, the wires and inner mechanisms becoming exposed as it fell unceremoniously to the floor. The emotional toll and the sudden action it wrought had left Anakin out of breath. His glossy eyes trailed from the wreckage down to the emptiness where it should have been, and at that moment, he felt truly pathetic. He desperately wanted to blame anything else, but it seemed that with every obstacle, he only had himself to blame. Did he truly deserve this? He started to believe so.

It was then that his ears picked up a soft knock at his door. Anakin had shot up from his seat on the floor, hurrying over to retrieve his arm and fix it back into place. Disoriented from the absence of sleep, he managed to trudge his way to his door, carefully watching his own feet so he wouldn't stumble. Almost like a child.

When he opened the door, the last thing he expected was to see her. Why was she even here this late at night? She didn't even live in this part of the Knights' Billet. Had one of the masters sent her? Her expression and her body language were timid, seemingly afraid to cross the line; but her ever-so-captivating eyes shone with curiosity. Anakin caught those eyes trying to sneak a glance behind him, tilting his head as he made himself comfortable leaning against his doorway.

"Did someone send you? Tell them I'm not in the mood," he said rather curtly without another glance, taking a step back as he moved to close the door. He was growing exhausted with how the Jedi expected so much of him but didn't even respect him.

Her hand seemed to spring out to hold the door open in retaliation. He was growing tired of the antics, ready to glare her down with daggers, until he saw something different in the girl. Her stance was firm as she held open the door. He saw that her eyes held a brewing mix of resolve and desperation as if silently pleading for him to hear her out.

"I was walking by, and I heard a noise. Are you okay?"

Time seemed to stop as she voiced her concern, leaving Anakin breathless once again. There was an undeniable pang in his heart, threatening to set loose what had been building up inside of him. Any other day, he would've brushed her off and forced the door shut without a care in the world. She was jeopardizing her place in the Jedi Order, and his as well. How could she afford to be so careless?

So careless about her duties…but she cared about him.

Struggling to voice his answer, he found himself nearly paralyzed with uncertainty, not knowing how to proceed. The mere act of them meeting this late at night had already broken so many rules...but was he willing to sacrifice some rules to save his own sanity? He saw a look of pity flash over her eyes, and he stayed frozen as she quietly shuffled in, closing the door behind her in a similar matter.

Anakin was sure about the fact that he needed someone to confide in, to share his agony, to comfort his long-tortured soul. It was only until she had uttered her first words to him that night that it dawned on him: she would see him as weak, and not the Chosen One. The dichotomy of his needs and fears clashed about in his brain. He needed a companion, but he was afraid of losing her approval, anyone's approval. Everyone's approval.

"What's wrong, Anakin?"

Her voice had cut through the growing torment of his thoughts, leaving it silent, those three words alone threatening to unravel him. He avoided the piercing gaze that was threatening to see right through him.

"Just insomnia," he muttered.

When his eyes returned to her, he immediately knew that his answer wasn't good enough. Who was he kidding? He realized that he hadn't even bothered to look presentable, hair messy and skin glistening with sweat. As if to mock his own thoughts, a gust of air blew in from his conditioning unit, making the tear streaks down his face feel like they were freezing. He watched her carefully as her eyes examined these very things, a flush gracing her cheeks as she briefly glanced at his bare chest. The faint glow of the stars pouring in from the window only seemed to accentuate it, illuminating her skin. She was pretty.

The very thought angered him. Why did beauty distract him so in such a vulnerable moment of his life? It was a weakness he was not proud of, not only because it represented what he could not have, but what he struggled to be himself. Every rule in his life seemed like it was set in place to keep him from having beauty, being beautiful. He couldn't help but break those rules as his eyes raked over her figure. He saw how her hair cascaded down to delicately frame her face, skin that was once covered modestly by Jedi robes, eyes that seemed to tantalize him even if her intentions meant otherwise.

Would it be so terrible if he indulged in these desires in his moment of need?

Anakin shook his head to his own thoughts, causing her to tilt hers in confusion. Of course, it would be terrible, but why was it terrible in the first place? He was suffering, feeling pathetic with his appearance and in his mind. It was not terrible to need someone, but why was guilt beginning to consume these selfish desires? Maybe it was terrible to need her. He barely knew her, and she took the same vows as he did.

"I understand," she whispered, seeming rather awkward and sheepish compared to before. She avoided his gaze as she turned her back on him. As she began to reach for the doorknob, Anakin was surprised to see that she hesitated. Was it too hopeful to think that she felt the same? He called out for her, more despairingly than he intended to.

"Wait, I..." He hesitated, not sure if he wanted to take the plunge. It would be the start of a slippery slope he couldn't hope to dig her or himself out of. He knew that if he tried, it would be futile, so that must've been why he had the nagging feeling that he didn't even want out.

"I need you here."

He watched closely as her brows furrowed and her grip on the doorknob tensed, immediately realizing that his request might have been too bold, to say the least. His gaze fell to the floor as a wave of humiliation washed over him. If she had run off at that moment, he would've understood. However, as he gathered the courage to look up once more, he saw that she had stood still, eyes continuing to prod him for a better explanation. Swallowing the ever-growing lump in his throat, he leaned against the wall of his dormitory as he tried to find the words that would lead him down the slope. If it meant that he could find peace for one night, one hour, or even one minute, so be it.

"I need you here because…I am cursed. I'm cursed with an affliction I can't ever hope to cure. I feel like I'm at war with myself, and it haunts me to my soul."

Anakin paused, subconsciously holding his breath, unsure if he wanted to continue. All of this was most likely too heavy to hear, especially since she barely knew him. Did she care?

At that moment, as if to answer his silent query, she stepped forward and placed herself in front of him, standing so close he felt the warmth of her body. The scent of her freshly-washed hair polluted his senses, leaving him feeling melancholy. He watched in a trance as her brows furrowed in worry, tentatively lifting up her hand. Her fingers gently prodded at his cybernetic, outlining the broken casing. Once her curious eyes rose back up to meet his, there was a silent acknowledgment. Understanding. It gave him the push to keep going, to muster the strength to hold open the floodgates of his heart. He stopped holding his breath, his sorrowful gaze falling to the floor.

“I'm...completely lost. I've strayed so far from the path of the Jedi that I can no longer see it…and I am afraid I don't even want it. I'm constantly told that I shouldn't feel this way...that hurting is selfish, and that I should focus on the needs of others before my own, to live up to my prophecy," Anakin muttered, his tone turning bitter and his brows furrowing in anger at the last word.

"But how can I do that when I am disconnected from myself? When I don’t feel like the Chosen One? I don’t feel like anyone is choosing me.”

Anakin’s eyes traveled up her figure once more, her minuscule and simple movements making them glaze over with desperation. He found the way her shoulders gradually moved up and down with each breath captivating, the flutter of her lashes with each blink. He took her by the hand that was calmly tracing his forearm, enveloping it firmly in his. She watched him as her breath halted in suspense, her fingers seeming hesitant to move.

“I need you here, not because I expect you to fix me, but because I just need someone. Anyone. I need you to choose me, to touch me,” he whispered, his voice shaking as he watched her lace her fingers with his own. “Please, I need this...bittersweet taste of relief. I can't bear this alone anymore.”

After what seemed like an eternity of silence with their hands in each other’s, she let go, much to Anakin’s chagrin. However, she lifted her hand once again, gradually bringing her hand to his chest, laying it flat above his heart. The sensation sent waves of warmth across the bare skin of his chest, the rippling feeling leaving goosebumps in its wake. He was certain that she could feel the deafening pounding of his heart. A faint gasp left his lips as she began to slide her hand down to his abdomen, his muscles in that area tensing. He didn’t expect to feel this hyper-sensitive to someone’s touch.

She flinched a little at his reaction, causing her to stop her motions. Swallowing the lump in her throat, she looked up at him timidly.

“Is that okay?” she asked, her voice unsure, as if she was testing the waters.

Hearing her words, Anakin’s vision was obscured by his own tears…tears of relief. He savored the straining feeling in his chest and throat as he fought to hold back his sobs, thankful he was even feeling anything like that at all. A slow blink of his eyes betrayed him as a brief stream of hot tears slid down his cheeks, which she quickly wiped away with her free hand. She seemed rather flustered when that very action caused more tears to fall in succession, awkwardly wiping more tears as quickly as she should.

The act made Anakin chuckle briefly, nearly surprising himself with the sound. It seemed to surprise her too, in turn making her laugh along with him. Realizing that this warming feeling was contagious, they both began to erupt into giggling fits, ending with a hush from her, muttering something about “quiet hours”. Though it had seemed silly, Anakin had wished they never stopped.

Again, damn the Jedi with all their rules.

During her stay, they sat together at the foot of his bed as Anakin slowly began to unravel the darkness that had been plaguing him since Geonosis. They spoke in hushed murmurs, afraid that someone might find them together. Their conversation would cease at the mere sound of a distant footstep, the creak of the conditioning vent, and muffled voices from the other side of his dorm wall. 

However, Anakin thought all the sneaking around to be worth it. Her presence and her conversation proved to help more than he could have hoped for. Soon enough, he was pleading for her to come back the next night. A shy expression overtook her features. Something around the lines of “You like me that much?” was uttered, and those very words ignited the beginning of an insatiable fire within him. Her wide, curious, and sparkling eyes continued to feed that very fire.

Anakin wasn’t too sure when he started to kiss her.

He wasn’t even aware of when they had closed so much distance between each other. However, her receptiveness pushed those questions far away, his thoughts taking form in the shape of her. A rush of emotions flooded through him, momentarily drowning out the misery that consumed his existence. In that singular, stolen moment, he felt a profound peace, something that he thought he might never experience again.

Every touch, every gentle brush against him sent electric currents coursing through his body. His senses were enveloped by her, reveling in the taste of her, the softness of her lips, the warmth of her breath mingling with his. Her hands began to clutch onto his frame desperately, her nails digging in and leaving red trails in their wake. The world around him slowly began to fade into insignificance, his focus narrowing to the raw sensation of being alive, of feeling something so intensely beautiful. For that fleeting moment, Anakin allowed himself to be consumed by this sinful, blissful indulgence of the present. It was a sanctuary from his own mind. After a lifetime of monochrome, he was overjoyed to feel anything at all. It was a bittersweet joy, knowing that this kiss was fleeting, and that it came at a heavy cost. As their lips reluctantly parted, Anakin’s mind was only filled with anticipation for the next. He watched her, his eyes filled with a mixture of reluctance and longing, as she began to pull away, her breath slightly ragged. A part of him wants to hold onto her desperately, to stop the inevitable departure. “Wait,” he called out, his voice feeble and vulnerable as he cautiously took her hand in his. “I-i…don’t want you to go. This is…it's everything to me.”

Anakin hated how desperate he sounded in his pleas, embarrassed at the state Geonosis had reduced him to. He almost despised the fact that he needed this…that the Chosen One needed someone else to feel so alive. But the way she flooded his mind was such a high for him, and he never wanted to come down.

“Please,” he begged, his voice nearly giving out as his eyes began to glisten. “I know the risk you’d be taking, but…one more night, please. The same time, tomorrow night. We can figure out what to do then.” He watched as her resolve wavered, noting the longing in her eyes. Anakin knew she felt a pull to him as well, it’s what caused her to come and investigate him in the first place. As she took a deep breath, his thoughts came to a halt, ensuring utter silence to hear what she had to say. “Okay, Skywalker. One more night. But…if we get caught, it’s on you,” she scolded, her arms crossing.

Anakin found her attitude endearing, answering her with a simple nod. Despite her playful nature, he understood the weight of her words. He leaned in, allowing his forehead to rest against hers, enjoying the subtle heat that radiated from her, a stark contrast to the cold room they were in. Pulling away with a lingering touch and a final gaze, they parted ways. As the door closed behind her, a profound sense of emptiness washed over Anakin. Her absence only made him feel the weight of his desperation. The taste of her still lingered on his lips, and it nearly made him want to throw the door open and chase after her. However, as much as he desired that, he couldn’t bring himself to.

As he returned to his empty bed, he decided he would just have to wait until she would return, his newly found moonlight, who had illuminated his dark and harrowing night, who had caused the waves in his heart to surge and swell.

He found comfort in the fact that the moon would always return to the sky.

-

As each night passed, their next clandestine meeting was what occupied Anakin’s thoughts. Every single moment until then felt like an eternity, nearly stretching his patience to the limit. His thoughts were never without her.

It was especially bad whenever he would sit in the Temple’s garden and meditate with Obi-Wan. 

The afternoon after that encounter with her, Anakin and Obi-Wan sat cross-legged across from each other, eyes closed as they sought inner peace with the Force.

Anakin struggled to quiet his mind, to let go of the constant longing that plagued him. He tried focusing on his breathing, to sink into stillness, but the image of her under the moon invaded his every thought. Her face, her touch, her taste, her warmth–it consumed his mind like a raging wildfire.

As Obi-Wan searched through his own mind, he couldn’t help but sense a disturbance. A subtle ripple, a flicker of distraction that emanated from his young apprentice. His brows furrowed slightly as he tried to search for what was troubling Anakin.

After a while, Obi-Wan slowly opened his eyes, gaze fixed on his padawan as his gentle voice broke the silence. “Anakin, I sense something is weighing on your mind. Is everything alright?”

Anakin’s eyes remained closed, feeling sweat break out on the nape of his neck as he fought to maintain his composure. Why did Obi-Wan even bother asking? He was never going to tell his master, and he knew that. That didn’t prevent the feeling of guilt that started to accompany the flurry of his emotions. “I’m sorry, Master,” Anakin responded after a beat of silence. “I’m just…worried about my knighthood. That is all.”

Obi-Wan’s expression softened, his eyes taking on a knowing, yet understanding look. Of course, he knew his apprentice hiding something. He would consider himself a bad master otherwise. He could feel the turmoil radiating from Anakin, yet his desire to remain elusive. He wanted to respect his privacy, but his duty as a mentor compelled him to push further.

“Anakin, you know it is one of my many responsibilities to guide and support you, but I cannot do that if you hide things from me,” Obi-Wan said. “Whatever it is, just remember you don’t have to face it alone.”

With that, Anakin’s eyes fluttered open before meeting his master’s, a mixture of guilt and longing to open up to him. He hated that he was in an order where judgment and the potential consequences of desire prevented him from confiding in his mentor, his best friend, his brother.

“Believe me, master, I am more than thankful for your concern. But this…this is something I have to figure out on my own,” Anakin replied, his voice displaying a hint of vulnerability. “I will be fine.”

Obi-Wan sighed inwardly. He knew that part of becoming a Jedi involved navigating your own path, but he couldn’t help but feel like there were deeper issues at play. However, he was willing to let it go for the sake of supporting his apprentice.

“Very well, young Skywalker,” he conceded, a touch of sadness in his voice. He reached over to give a reaffirming pat to Anakin’s shoulder. “I trust that you find your way, as you always do. Don’t forget that I am here, whenever you need me.”

Anakin nodded, letting his eyes fall shut once more as he continued to “meditate”.

Still, his moonlight danced through his mind, and he could only think about how long it would be until he could see her shine again.

a/n: ao3 saw it first! inbox is open!!

[anilovie]

thinking about anakin if you’ve had a bad/hard day & coming home to him just being ur safe place to unwind & cry if you need to, & he just UGH is so warm and gentle w uuuuuu i need him

I know it’s not exactly what you asked for but my anxiety has been soooo bad lately, i needed this too 🥲💕 -- thanks for the request!!

WC: 1.8k

CW: mentions of anxiety, angst + fluff, soft ani <3

You’d been on edge for days.

You could tell when it was getting bad again – your sleep schedule was off, your eating habits askew, easily irritated, and unable to stop moving for even a second to allow yourself to think. Thinking meant your thoughts would all come slamming back into you, and nothing was worse than that. 

You were in a piss mood for multiple days in a row, the stress and anxiety getting so bad that you eventually fell into robot-mode. Everything in your life just kept piling on top of each other, from work problems, family issues, even relationship issues. You just came from a work meeting, which only seemed to add 10 tons to the plate you were already struggling to hold. These days, you felt like you couldn’t breathe.

Not to mention, you missed Anakin.

Your relationship was still new, and you’d been distancing yourself lately so he wouldn’t bear the brunt of your moodiness. Once you got everything handled– if you could just get a little better– that’s when you’d seek him out again.

“Y/n,” speak of the devil.

Usually, his deep voice would be met with a flurry of butterfllies in your stomach, but not today. Now, it was met with a sinking feeling.

Anakin was sitting on a bench outside the training room, fiddling with something on the hilt of his lightsaber. He had an ankle crossed over his knee, robes spilling over his shoulders, and usually you’d be delighted to see his pretty face.

You skid to a stop before him, frozen like a deer in headlights. “Anakin.”

He uncrossed his leg and leaned toward you, voice lowering so only you could hear.

“Where have you been? Feels like I haven’t seen you in forever.”

You rocked back on your heels, twisting your fingers all in a knot. “Sorry, Anakin. I've just been busy.”

“Are you okay?”

“‘M Fine.”

He’d never heard that sort of dullness in your voice before. Never seen that… exhaustion in your gaze. He could see that you were trembling, even just standing there before him, like a storm was brewing beneath your skin… but your gaze was glaringly empty. He frowned, tugging gently at your wrist. “Come with me.”

Dread dumped over you like a bucket of ice water. The last thing you wanted was to be confronted – Anakin was supposed to be your safe space. You didn’t want to taint him with any of this. Didn’t wanna ruin his perception of you, of his good, sweet, brave, strong girl. 

He pulled you into an empty battle-planning room, the lights dimmed so it was all shadowy inside. He closed the door and turned to you, concern etched into his handsome face. 

“Y/n, tell me that truth. What’s wrong?”

What’s wrong? What’s wrong?? 

Everything was wrong. Just the thought of it had wet, hot tears rushing to your eyes, the ones you promised yourself you wouldn't let appear. Before he could see, you ducked your head and covered your face with the crook of your arm, hiding from him.

You tried to swallow it down, the unexpected emotion so thick you couldn’t choke any words past. Your silence was answer enough– Anakin immediately reached out to touch you, but you shifted back an inch.

“‘M sorry,” your voice came out high-pitched and shaky, voice breaking. You were too ashamed to let him touch you. 

Quickly, your sleeves became soaked in the hot tears you tried to stuff back into your eyes. You could hear your breaths grow quicker and quicker in your ears, a squeezing sensation in your chest furthering your panic. Your head was dizzy, unable to think past the fact that you were crying in front of Anakin, and you were so ashamed about it, you couldn't stop shaking, and you couldn’t breathe–

“Hey,” Anakin called your name in a soft hush, reaching for you again. This time, you let him pull you closer, hand encircling your waist, carefully guiding you back to him. You were still hiding in your arm, scrubbing at your face and muttering “I’m okay, I’m okay, I’m okay,” as if to convince yourself you were.

He crouched before you, trying to be on your level so you would look at him already. When you finally let him tug your arms away, his heart ached at the sight – your eyes were all red, cheeks flushed and shining with tears. You looked exhausted, embarrassed, and… scared. 

“Talk to me,” he murmured, allowing a warm hand to cup your cheek and brush the tears away with his thumb.

You still couldn’t look him in the eye, avoiding his worried gaze as you studied the robes over his chest. You were still trembling like a leaf in the wind, muscles tensed and gut rolling as everything you’d been suppressing washed over you like a tsunami.

“I’ve just– I just–” you sniffled, twisted your hands together, another tear trailing its way down your face. “Well, y’know I get anxious sometimes…” you muttered, breaths hiccuping in your chest. 

Anakin hummed his agreement, urging you on.

“t’s just been really bad lately,” the admission felt like defeat. Pathetic, worthless defeat. Another wave of tears made your voice turn into a whimper, almost ending the sentence as a sob. But Anakin pulled you into him, tucking your head under his chin and against his chest, arms winding themselves around you.

You muffled your soft cries in his Jedi robes, clutching them in your fists to ground you. 

“I just want it to go away,” you hiccuped. “I don’t know how to make it stop.”

“Shhh, honey, ‘ts okay,” his touch was gentle against your back, rubbing up and down in soothing motions. “I’ve got you -- I've got you.”

You felt like you could cry and cry and never stop. The feeling would never go away, you would always feel like there was something chasing you, hunting you, waiting for something to go wrong, always on edge, even in your sleep.

But at least his chest was warm. And he smelled like Anakin – your Anakin – and his arms were strong around you. Nothing was going to hurt you in this room. Not while you were with him.

After a long, long while, you were finally able to pull away a bit to gulp in multiple deep breaths. Your chest didn’t feel so heavy anymore, but now you were just exhausted – mentally and physically. 

Rubbing at your sore eyes, sniffling, you mumbled, “‘M sorry, Anakin. I haven’t been avoiding you on purpose. Jus’ didn’t want you to see me like that.”

He sighed softly, shifting so that one of his knees was planted on the ground for balance. His hand traveled back to your face, smoothing the hair that got messed up back behind your ear. “You don’t have to hide from me. Ever,” his words were stern, but his voice was honey-sweet. “Especially not something like this.”

“Okay. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry,” he shook his head, eyes bright with intensity. “I want to help you, you know.” 

Your lip quivered, nodding in understanding.

“Look at me?” he requested, gently directing your chin down between his thumb and pointer finger. You blinked at the ground for a moment before lifting your eyes, meeting his shining blue ones, filled with concern. His face softened as soon as you looked at him, the corner of his mouth tiling up a little. “There she is.”

“Hmph,” you ducked your head again, embarrassed. You’d never cried – truly cried – in front of him before. And now that the anxiety had been flushed from your system, all that was left was the shame. 

You should be better than this, letting the emotion pierce you so deeply. Letting it get so bad. You should have had a better handle on it by now.

“Stop beating yourself up,” Anakin whispered, thumb swiping at your bottom lip to still the quivers. “You’re okay. I promise.”

You nodded again, obedient, but the more you heard the words the more they felt real. 

“You wanna talk about it?” he asked, head tilting to the side. 

You shrugged. “Just work stuff. Family stuff. I dunno… just need to stop thinking so hard about everything, I guess.”

“Hmm,” he agreed. “Anything I can help with?”

“Not really,” you whispered.

“No?” his brows drew down, a little crease forming between them. “When’s the last time you ate something?”

“Mmm… yesterday.” Your stomach had been twisting and turning for days now, too nauseous to eat much of anything. 

His frown deepened. “That was over 24 hours ago, sweetheart. When’s the last time you drank something?”

“This morning.” 

You didn’t have to look at him to know what expression he was making. Letting go of your face, he dropped his hands to pull the both of yours apart, keeping them from twisting at each other any further. He curled your fingers into your palms, holding them warm and steady in his as he said, “How about I take you back to your room and make you something good, hm? Then you can take a nap, and we can watch a movie or something later tonight. Get your mind off everything?”

You finally lifted your gaze to him willingly, hopeful yet tired. “You’re not too busy?”

“‘Course not. I’m all yours tonight, no matter what,” his thumb rubbed patterns on the back of your hand, lips tilting up in another sweet, encouraging smile. “How’s that sound?”

“I– I’d like that,” you nodded your head, voice still too soft and quiet for his liking, but at least it wasn’t shaking anymore. “What’re you gonna make?”

“Whatever you want,” he insisted, hoping his smile would rub off on you. “What about that soup I made a while back? The one I made for Obi-Wan’s birthday? You really liked that, remember?”

“Oh,” you cooed, glossy eyes brightening a bit at the memory. “Yeah. That sounds good.” 

“Okay, then I’ll make that.” He was still crouched before you, letting his eyes wander over your face for a moment more, thinking something you couldn’t decipher. Before you could ask, he leaned forward and pressed a kiss to your still-damp cheek.

“You’re gonna be okay. You know that, right?"

Your lashes shuttered, and strangely, the world didn’t feel so heavy anymore.

“Right. I’ll be okay.” You took a deep breath, sucking the air in and puffing it back out, breathing life into the words as they floated between you.

Before he could stand back up, you wrapped your arms around his neck and gave him a gentle squeeze. “Thanks, Ani. I feel a little better now.”

You couldn’t see, but he was smiling into your shoulder. “Good,” he murmured, petting your back again. Then he pulled away and rose to his full height, grabbing your hand in his.

Neither of you cared if anyone saw as he led you out of the room, falling into step beside you as you headed home together. 

[psychosith]

Echo

cal kestis x reader

summary: despite being close for years, you and cal go your separate ways after a particularly harsh argument. cal doesn’t see or hear of you for a long time, but stumbles across an old jacket of yours that reveals something to him

warnings: angsttttt, yelling/arguing, injuries, death, perhaps ooc!mean cal

a/n: i’m so sorry to the reqs sitting in my drafts ive had no motivation😭 specifically to the person who requested modern!anakin @ a halloween party it’s a little late for that now i feel like…. but anyways y’all might not know this but i’m obsessed w our boy cal and UGH. this prompt from @fallen-vic just struck me right and i had to get writing right away

the last four months had been a blur.

one second you were stripping an old star destroyer on bracca with cal, and the next he was fighting an imperial inquisitor while you cowered away in the corner. then you had boarded a ship with a lanky woman and abrasive latero. they had taken you to a planet hidden from the empire, a place where you thought you and cal could live safely. you couldn’t have been more wrong.

cal returned from the temple on bogano that first day talking about restoring the jedi order and a holocron? from there, it was all downhill. back and forth between kashyyyk, zeffo, and dathomir, all the while cal was forced to face strong enemies that left him on the brink of death every day. and you were tasked with patching him up at the end of every mission.

too many times have you entered his rooms while he was preparing to leave again and begged him to stay. it was always the same answer- i’ll be back before you know it. he couldn’t know, though, the feelings you harbored for him. he couldn’t understand how it pained you physically to watch him leave and come back beaten and bruised. but you stayed, because you loved him, and because you believed he wanted you with him.

it was all too much for you today. it seemed insane; they were planning to infiltrate the fortress inquisitorius and retrieve the holocron. you had stopped on a small planet to stock up on supplies before the big mission, and you were in your usual position: pleading with cal.

“cal, please,” you begged, tears welling up in your eyes. “this is just- it’s too dangerous cal! i mean, an imperial fort, for fucks sake! cal, if you didn’t come back from this… i don’t know-“

he cut you off with a reassuring hand on your arm. “y/n, i’ll be alright. i’ll have cere with me, and i’m stronger than ever. trust me.”

“you say that every time, you know. and every time, without fail, you come back closer to death than i’ve ever seen you. cal, we’ve found you passed out in the mud on kashyyyk. we’ve found you slumped against a generator on zeffo with a blaster wound in your stomach. no one will be there to find you if things go wrong this time, cal.” you say numbly, vaguely aware that there’s nothing you can say to make him stay.

“you’re being dramatic.” he says plainly. “you have no reason to be worried. i always come back, y/n. this time will be no different. you need to calm down.”

you groan in frustration, at his naïveté. “no, cal! you don’t understand… how much it hurts to watch you go. and who knows where you would be without me to put your pieces back together.”

you hear him scoff and look down at your hands as tears finally fall down your cheeks. you can tell he’s stressed by the tension in his shoulders.

“without you? y/n, i don’t need you to do this.” his words hurt, but you try to tell yourself the mission is getting to his head, that he doesn’t mean what he’s saying.

“y/n,” he says, waving a hand in front of your face, “did you hear me? i. don’t. need. you. if you’re so worried about me, maybe you should just leave. then i wouldn’t be bothering you so much.” he stood up angrily and marched off.

was he being honest? did he really want you to leave? all these years you had told yourself that he needed you with him, but maybe you had been mistaken.

you didn’t give yourself time to think. cere and greez had both made it clear that your presence on the mantis was unnecessary, and now that cal had said the same you had to go. you only packed the bare essentials: a canister of water, a couple weeks of rations, and a thick jacket for cold nights. you left through the front entrance without a word to anyone. cal simply watched you go.

a year later - cal's pov

there was no use in trying to hide it, it had been a hard year for cal. a year made much harder by your absence. he had tried to tell himself that you leaving was your decision, that it wasn't his fault. but as he played the argument over in his mind he found himself regretting everything he'd said. cal had been nervous, scared even, of the upcoming mission in the fortress. he'd let trilla and the empire get in his head, and it had cost him everything.

even after he'd retrieved the holocron - and ultimately destroyed it - he never searched for you. he didn't know why. the urge had struck him many times, but he never knew where to begin looking or what he would say to get you back.

it hurt even now, as cal lay in his bunk on the mantis weeping silently to himself. the mantis was empty, the engine humming softly as it flew through hyperspace. all the lights were out and cal's pillow was damp with tears. he hesitantly rose from his bed, staggering to the navigation panel in a sleep-deprived stupor. his cheeks are stained and his hair is tousled as he falls back into the pilot's chair, and he plugs the coordinates to a forgotten outer rim planet into the navigation system.

cal was exhausted, hungry, and mentally drained, but he managed to make it back to his bunk before he passed out.

. . .

something in the cockpit beeped quite loudly, waking cal from his sleep and alerting him that they were nearing their destination. the royal blue color of nez peron was pleasing to the eye, but brought back painful memories for cal. this was where they had made their last supply run before heading toward the fortress. this was the last place he saw the love of his life.

landing the mantis was the easy part; finding you, not so much. cal started in the sparse cities, scanning cantinas and shops, asking about a y/n l/n at every apartment complex and inn. he began to lose hope as he neared the edge of the latest city. just then he remembered you talking absentmindedly as he worked on his lightsaber, saying how it was your dream to live in the forest and live off the lands. it sounded crazy at the time, but now it made sense.

with a newfound passion, cal began searching the forests and plains for you. each dead end made him want to find you more and more, but there were no signs of life anywhere he looked.

one day, he was scanning the ground for any human tracks when a piece of fabric caught his eye. it was dusty, black, and oddly familiar. there were pieces of the same fabric just a little further up the trail he was following. up ahead, cal could just make out the shape of your thick winter coat on the ground.

his steps picked up into a light jog as he neared the jacket. as he examined it closer, he saw a dark stain had dried down on the stomach, and when he bent over to pick it up he was flooded with a powerful force echo.

_______

you had misjudged how hard life in the wild would be. the coat you wore did almost nothing to keep you warm, the water you brought only lasted for a few days, and the rations you thought would last had gone bad within the month. you were cold and hungry, and had only a pairing knife to ward off any threats in the forest. this would be a crucial mistake.

it was a particularly cold day and you were resting against a tree when you heard the crunch of leaves and the distinct mechanical whirring of an electrostaff. raiders. well, just one this time. it was a difficult feat, but you managed to ward off the raider not without sustaining many injuries. you had garnered a deep wound in your thigh and a large gash in your shoulder, luckily most of your vital organs were intact.

you hardly had time to catch your breath before a large mammal had sprung up from a ditch and pinned you to the ground. you screamed and struggled for your knife. your wounds had impaired your fighting skills, and you didn’t last long before the predator had beaten you into the floor. it was so, so cold. you must have lost your jacket at some point. you supposed the animal had lost interest, as it wandered off back into the trees, leaving you in a pool of your own blood.

the sun set behind the trees and you were still laying there, unable to move, slowly succumbing to the cold embrace of death. you could form only one coherent thought in your adrenaline crazed mind, and thus it became your last word.

“cal”

_______

the memory was like a knife to the heart for cal. he was helpless as he watched you draw your last breath, only to utter his name before closing your eyes for the final time. it finally dawned on him.

you were dead.

cal fell to his knees beside your tattered coat, a broken cry escaping his lips. it was all his fault. if’s and should’ves ran circles around his mind, but he understood the depth of this. you were gone, stolen from this world far to soon. cal mourned. he sobbed into his hands for hours on end, cursing you for leaving, cursing cere and greez for letting you leave, and cursing himself for letting his love for you blind him. of course he needed you. he always would. but he couldn’t have you any more.

his mind was blurry as he frantically followed the path he was on, searching for your body. he tripped and stumbled down a leaf covered hill, where he saw you. you were exactly as you were in the force echo, but your cheeks were hollow and your skin was sickly green. you had been dead for a long time. cal ran to your body, crying your name. he hoisted you into his arms and wept into your dirty hair.

“i love you” he muttered softly, hoping that perhaps you could hear the words he was to cowardly to speak when you were alive.

a/n 2: BYE the ending is so rushed. sorry.

[stargirl-writes]

[navigation] the secret history of anakin skywalker

pairing : assassin! reader x general anakin skywalker

status : ongoing

tags : enemies-to-lovers, SLOW burn, angst, hurt/comfort, mystery.

warnings: !mature content! (violence, mentions of abuse, mental corruption, mentions of suicide ideation) scheming, eventual smut(?) i'll be specifying on each blog !

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sypnosis

you have only known one truth about this war, the republic and the seperatists are two sides of the same coin. but now, your master count dooku has disposed of you after your consequent failures. his betrayal fueled your thirst for revenge. and in the cruel twist of fate, you have found yourself with an arrangement with the enemy. general anakin skywalker is willing to do what it takes for the republic to win, even if it meant dealing with you, his nemesis.

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chapter summary / navigation

↝one

captured

chapter summary

your mission to secure umbara has failed. your master, count dooku would not have asked of anyone but you to deliver success. but as you stand amongst the pile of bodies of umbaran soldiers, the horror of your failure washes over you.

and in the hopelessness of events, a jedi appears amidst the ashes of your city. one that did not hesitate to kill the jedi general krell despite his jedi order's honor.

warnings : mentions of ptsd, mentions of abuse, war, mentions of a panic attack.

notes : centered around the same time as the clone wars season 4 episode 15.

↝two

the arrangement

chapter summary

after your old master has betrayed you, you were captured by the jedi general skywalker. stricken by the grief, you resigned to your faith.

on the way back to coruscant to face republic jurisdiction, a sniper has fired in open space. taking general obi-wan kenobi down.

in a fit of anger, anakin skywalker accuses you. but you have already made up your mind in taking revenge on your old master. and even though you are terrified, you struck up an arrangement to aid anakin's mission to find obi-wan kenobi's true killer.

warnings: violence, imprisonment, betrayal, mentions of ptsd.

notes : centered around the same time as the clone wars season 4 episode 15.

↝three

common ground

chapter summary

a clue tipped by the jedi council leads anakin skywalker back to your cell. now his anger has passed, he wants to clarify the terms of your new alliance.

on the way to nal hutta, anakin skywalker steers the conversation to his fascination over your beliefs— which legitimizes the doubts he's been having about the republic.

warnings : none so far.

notes : centers around the same time as the clone wars season 4 episodes 16-17

↝four

the attempt

chapter summary

rako hardeen escapes with two known bounty hunters on orandia. anakin skywalker claims obi wan kenobi remains alive. and a revelation by cad bane made you head down a bar and drink the night away.

warnings : alcohol.

notes : involves spoilers for the clone wars season 4 episodes 16-17

↝five

a dance

chapter summary

coming soon...

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notes

hello my lovely people! thank u for taking interest in this story :)

i've always been in love with the enemies-to-lovers trope and this series would be canon compliant (mostly)

the timeline would be around season 4-7 of the clone wars.

and this series will be dark and angsty and contains mature content that i want to clarify is meant to serve the plot. and my depictions/interpretations is no way of endorsing or 'romanticizing' these situations.

please don't post my works anywhere else. though likes, reblogs, comments are highly appreciated ! (and fuels me hehe)

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if you're looking to find more of my works, you can check out my navigation list !

© to @cafekitsune for the borders!

[hanasnx]

breakeven

NOTES: this is specifically written for the clone wars' characterization of anakin. WARNINGS: verbal fighting | a little angst no comfort | no use y/n | anakin making you feel indebted | commander!reader.

“You can’t think you can control my every move, I’m not your padawan, I’m not Ahsoka—!“

TCW!ANAKIN SKYWALKER's finger points in your face, “Do not bring her into this.”

There he goes again, ordering you around. “Stop telling me what to do!”

“I am your commanding officer, I outrank you. I understand you don’t come from a military background—“

You scoff, shoving his hand out of your way. “Neither do you!”

“Well, at least I’ve learned to respect my elders!”

“I’m older than you!”

“I mean—“ he falters, clearly caught off guard, scrambling for a witty response. “I meant, more experienced— you know what I mean!”

“I’m tired of how you micromanage me, like you can’t trust me to make decisions for myself. For the good of you, for the good of the mission—“

“Forgive me for my oversight when I was the one that plucked you from ruin, Commander, you were in the gutters when I found you. I gave you a job, a life. Like it or not, your respect is an obligation.”

Your countenance visibly shifts, taken aback by his most obvious expectation. As if you’d be worse off if he hadn’t lent a gracious hand, and deciding you owe him for it.

He blinks at himself, a certain surprise on his features mirroring yours, absorbing your shock. “I…” he begins, “I don’t know why I said that.”

“Well, it’s too late for that now, isn’t it? I’m done.” your tone, uncharacteristically defeated, descends in volume as you gather your things.

[anakin-dovahkiin]

You're Not Weak

Summary: Dealing with slimy and stupid men can really put a hole through your self confidence and faith in yourself. Anakin is there for the aftermath. Snuggles ensue.

Notes: Anakin x fem! reader, soft Anakin, clonebois are the best, and f the patriarchy my dudes. Wrote this literally at 3am contemplating life... so if you're in the same spot, you're not alone. ANDDD there's Anakin hugs for you!

You are a Jedi. You are qualified to do what you do. And yet, simply because you’re a woman, you are cast aside and degraded and made fun of for trying to be a leader. It is exhausting that almost every world you travel to has a fricking patriarchal society that makes you want to tear your hair out. 

This time, you were explaining your part in the war effort to some leaders of this particular planet. The goal was to convince them to allow the Republic to use some of their abandoned land as an outpost against a possible Separatist threat. 

But of course you are not taken seriously.

“And what is your battle experience? Making some rocks float? I doubt with how little you are you could lift much anyway,” one mutters loud enough for everyone present to hear. The other men around him snicker, and you have to resist the urge to Force-choke these assholes because this happens so damn often you’re afraid you’re going to lose it. 

Your clone Commander, Emjee, takes a furious step forward but you stop him with a hand to his chest plate. 

“I know how to engage in combat, I would not be here if I didn’t,” you try to say as calmly as possible.

“Guess Jedi take anyone these days, even the weak ones,” another one says and the cackling continues.

Emjee tries to step forward again but you continue to hold him back. He instead cracked his knuckles, trying to look as menacing as he could with his helmet still on—you know if he was to take it off, these men would be scared shitless by the clone Commander’s intense glare. He was particularly good at those.

Not as good as Anakin, though.

But he wasn’t here, and you shouldn’t have to need his help to get through to these morons anyway. 

Somehow the situation worked itself out—after hours of talking, to the point where Emjee stepped out for a bit—but you couldn’t get rid of that sinking feeling in your stomach as you board the transport back to your command ship.

“Those idiots don’t know what they’re talking about, General,” says Emjee, and he removes his helmet as he does so. “You are one of the strongest Jedi in the Order, and anyone who says otherwise is simply wrong.”

You chuckle. “I don’t know about that, Commander. But I do appreciate the sentiment.”

“General Skywalker says it all the time to me and the boys, he’s even got Kenobi singing your praises.”

Your smile fades at the thought. Anakin was so much stronger than you, so much better than you, and if it ever came to a fight you know you would lose. Not that you would ever fight the love of your life, but still. It almost felt… patronizing to think about him trying to boost your ego. You know that wasn’t what he was doing, but after today you can’t help but overanalyze everything any man has ever said to you, even him. 

He doesn’t deserve to be placed in the same category as those… dumbasses, and you hate yourself even more for trying to relate him to them. 

“Anakin is too nice to me,” you mumble, forgetting to call him ‘General Skywalker’. “And so are you, Emjee.”

The gunship jerks as you dock in the hangar inside your venator class cruiser. You start walking towards your quarters, but Emjee stops you when he taps your shoulder. The Commander still looks a bit peeved by everything, and though you don’t want him to be upset, it warms your heart a bit to see someone angry—besides Anakin—on your behalf, defending you.

(You haven’t seen Anakin in months. Your relationship was a sad little thing because you missed each other terribly every time you separated. You hoped this war would not last forever, that things could go back to the way they were when you could simply exist without something being expected of you. Then, you could be together in the Temple and bask in each other’s light.)

“I… hope I’m not overstepping, Sir, but I contacted General Skywalker while you were negotiating—”

You furrow your eyebrows. “I’m sorry, what?”

“Well—”

“I can do this on my own, trooper! I don’t need anyone’s help to do anything, I am perfectly capable—”

“Woah, hey, calm down,” a voice says behind you and warm hands grab your shoulders and a warm presence attempts to meld with your own, but you don’t let it. You feel like you’re being overpowered, undermined, and you know that isn’t happening but you can’t help how much the sinking feeling affects you.

It’s Anakin behind you, and normally you would be resisting the urge to embrace him and squeeze the living daylights out of him. It’s been so long, after all. But right now you just feel cornered.

You shove his arms off of you, unintentionally making a bit of a scene that has other troopers stopping their work and looking at the three of you. 

“I am going to meditate. Alone,” you say, and you almost say ‘please’ but you know you do not need to ask for permission. You are no longer a Padawan, you’re a Knight, and you know what you’re doing, even if everyone makes you feel like you don’t.

You walk away out of the hangar towards the elevator. You can hear Anakin behind you talking to Emjee.

“You did the right thing Commander, I’m going to talk to her. Anyway, it’s been a long day for you I’m sure. Rex and Ahsoka and a couple 501st are in the mess if you wanted to see them and grab some food? I can take it from here.”

Your heart lifts a bit at the mention of Ahsoka, but you’re too tired to try and find her. Maybe once you sleep, the sinking feeling won’t be there once you wake up. That was normally how it worked. Anakin was never here for these moments, though. You had no doubt he was going to follow you to your quarters. You didn’t have the patience to wait for him, but you also didn’t have the energy to shut him out.

You’re laying on your bed in your quarters staring at the wall beside you. Sleep eludes you, and it is probably because you can sense Anakin’s presence on the ship. Knowing he is so close but refusing to ignite your bond is honestly a bit petty on your part, but at the moment you don’t really care about being sensible. Your whole relationship wasn’t exactly sensible, anyway.

Your back is to the door so you don’t see Anakin when he enters, but you hear him and hear the door close behind him. 

“Would you please look at me please?” he says softly, sitting down on the ground beside your bed. 

It makes your heart clench. “You said ‘please’ twice.”

“Because I’m begging to see your beautiful eyes.”

You laugh half-heartedly. “Sure.”

“Please?” he asks again, and the request is so genuine, you can feel its purity and purpose in the Force.

You turn over to meet his pale blue eyes. His hair has grown just a bit longer since the last time you saw him, and you love it. He also must have had a campaign on a rather sunny planet recently because there is an added color to his face that makes him look, well, good and healthy. You feel like a pale blob with dead-ends for hair and a weak, small body.

His eyes widen with genuine love and awe, and he scoots a bit closer.

“There you are,” he says. And that’s where you lose it.

Your face scrunches up as you try to hold back tears but you fail in about two seconds. Anakin hesitates to touch you, waiting for your permission of some kind, and you grant it to him by reaching out your arms for him almost like a baby. It’s humiliating, but it’s just you and Anakin, and he knows you. 

He rises from his seated position and crawls into your bed while wrapping his arms around you securely. You weep and cry like a youngling into his chest, and he strokes your head as you shudder with each sob that escapes you. He kisses your forehead every now and again before allowing you to rest your face in the crook of his neck, pressing the bridge of your nose into his pulse-point. 

“What happened, my love?” he mumbles against the crown of your head.

“Men, just, underestimating me. It’s like they know I’ve been injured, that I’m weak, unsuccessful—I just, I can’t take it. I… I can’t believe there are people out there who would say those things. But they’re right; I suck, I’m terrible at everything—”

“You are so brave, so strong, the strongest person I know. You’ve been injured in battle, and worked your way back to being on the front lines. You connect to the Force in a way that I wish I could, and I’m part of it! These are just objective facts. I know you, and you are so intelligent, courageous, kind, and just so… so wise. I would be lost without you, and I love you.”

His words bring you comfort, that sinking feeling finally dissipating ever so slowly. “But it shouldn’t bother me this much. I am a Jedi. I have to be better than this.”

“It is something you should never have to experience, and if I had my way, those sleemos would be—”

“Anakin…” you whisper, shifting your head up so you can meet his eyes once again.

He sighs. “You are dealing with this better than I ever could. You know how I would react… you’re so much better than me. I just wish I was worthy of you.”

“You’re my favorite person,” you say, gazing into his beautiful ocean-eyes. You pause for a moment, content to drink your fill of his gaze. Once you are content, you nuzzle into his chest once again. “You’re worthy of so much more than me.”

“No,” he says before pressing another kiss to your head. “I could never be worthy of you, my love. I don’t think anyone ever will, because you are an angel.”

You hum, wrapping your arms around him so you can rub circles into his back. “There you go with your poetic metaphors.”

You can sense his smile in the Force so clearly it’s as if you could see it. “That one isn’t a metaphor.”

“Mhm,” you mumble, smiling to yourself. One of your hands wanders upwards and now you play with his hair and it is so soft between your fingers that you could honestly do this for hours.

He kisses your head once more. “You’re gonna put me to sleep,” he warns, and it makes you giggle a little bit.

“Sleep, then. Force knows you need it.”

“Only if you do,” he says indignantly, but you can hear the sleep in his tone. 

“Not to worry. I’m already halfway there,” you say, nuzzling into the warmth of his body again as he pulls you impossibly closer. You almost feel like crying again because of how safe he makes you feel, but you don’t want to worry him. “I love you, Anakin,” you say aloud, but you mostly send the message through your bond in a wave of soft blue and warm yellows.

You think for a minute that he’s asleep already, but you can tell he’s not when he sends you back just as much love and admiration, if not more, through your bond. 

A tear that isn’t yours drips onto your face as he says, “I love you so much.”

With your Force presences entwined, you both fall into a blissful sleep and take a much needed rest. Just having Anakin with you like this helps whenever you start to feel that worthless slimy feeling, every single time. It’s like clockwork, and you wouldn’t change it for the world. You love him so much, and you can hear the Force sing in sweet harmony each time you are together. Your sleep is dreamless, but it is full of warmth and a sense of softness. It feels like home.

…

When Ahsoka comes looking for you both because she wants someone to spar with, she checks your quarters first. That’s where Emjee said you both would be, anyway. Not to mention she could sense the bliss and serenity in the Force because of you two from probably a system away.

She opens the door and sees a sight that warms her heart. Both you and Anakin are entwined, both in an embrace and in the Force. He holds you protectively against his chest and your hand rests in his hair. You’re both asleep, and Force knows that as Generals you need it.

Ahsoka knows the rules about attachment. She’s always known her Master struggled with them whenever it came to you. But it was hard to see any reason to keep you apart when the Force sang whenever the two of you were together.

Not to mention, Ahsoka found your “secret” relationship unbearably cute. Anakin always had a front of strength and coldness when leading troops into battle or dealing with enemies, even when talking with other Jedi. But with you, he was himself. Your bond was something she wanted to have for herself one day, and looking at the two of you right now, a thought occurred to the young Togruta. 

Your bond needed to stay strong, you needed to stay together, and Ahsoka vowed to herself she would do everything she could to make sure you both remained entwined in the Force like this for as long as possible. She wanted to see both her Master and you happy.

She turned on her heel and closed the door as quietly as the durasteel would allow. Smiling to herself, she tiptoed down the hallway, making her own grand plans about how to uphold her vow. 

Maybe Master Kenobi could help her…

[erinkeifer]

ℕ𝕠𝕥 𝕞𝕪 𝕔𝕠𝕕𝕖 - ℙ𝕒𝕣𝕥 𝕍𝕀

[Anakin Skywalker x Padawan!Fem Reader]

Masterlist | Wattpad | AO3 Not My Code Masterlist

Summary: After your first solo mission, you return to the Temple, longing only to throw yourself into the arms of your Master. Unfortunately, you are informed that Anakin is not feeling well...

Warnings: angst | hurt/comfort | descriptions of pain | fluffy ending Word Count: 2k

You arrived in Coruscant just after dusk. The mission took up your entire day, and aside from the urgent messages sent by the Council, you didn't even have time to connect with anyone from the Temple. Although you attempted to communicate with Anakin through your comlink several times, he wasn't responding. It had been a few weeks since your knighting ceremony, and during that time, you had spent a lot of time together, practically finishing and starting each day at either his quarters or yours. You had no illusions that you would like to conclude this busy day in his arms. "General Kenobi!" you exclaimed, descending from the platform where Obi-Wan waited, unfortunately, unusually without his apprentice by his side. "Here she is!" Kenobi replied, bowing to you and the crew, whose members saluted as they descended from the platform. "How do you feel after your debut?" Obi-Wan asked with a hint of pride, walking with you towards the Temple's interior. "As you've probably heard, everything ended successfully. We returned intact, didn't lose anyone... Let's hope this streak continues." you replied, walking slowly alongside Kenobi. "I deeply believe it will." he said, smiling at you. "If you'll excuse me." he added, attempting to catch one of the troopers on the way with a mission report. You nodded and stood by, waiting for Obi-Wan to handle his business, but thoughts swirled in your head - Anakin's absence worried you, and considering the lack of contact, you knew something was definitely not right. You paced in circles, fidgeting with your nails until Kenobi finished his conversation, and when the two finally parted ways, you walked back with him. "What's with the melancholy, young lady?" he said, eliciting a gentle, albeit very brief, smile from you. "I don't know... Just... Uh... Have you seen Anakin?" you asked with clear doubt in your voice. "Good question... I saw him in the morning heading to the Chancellor. Later, we had a council meeting, but he left early, said he wasn't feeling well." Kenobi replied, increasing your doubt. Through years of war, battles, you had never seen him sick – even days after the divorce with Padmé, he never skipped a council meeting, as he used to say, 'focusing on work helps forget about problems.' "I guess he'll sleep it off, and he'll be better tomorrow. Then, you can discuss today's events. Surely, you need some rest too." Kenobi added after a moment of silence, to which you nodded. "Sure..." you replied as you reached the crossroads where you should go in opposite directions. "It's probably nothing serious." you added, forcing a smile, which Kenobi genuinely reciprocated. "May the Force be with you." Kenobi said before heading towards his quarters. "May the Force be with you." you replied, and as you turned in your direction, your smile was replaced by genuine emotions. You knew you should go straight to your room, but you couldn't. You couldn't bear not knowing what was happening with Anakin, not knowing why he was feeling unwell. Taking a deep breath, you headed to the elevators and descended one floor, navigating through a dark corridor towards Skywalker's quarters. When you stood in front of the door, you decided to knock, but after waiting for over a minute with no response, you realized no one was opening. You pulled the handle, but the door was locked. Feeling drained to wait any longer, you ultimately used the Force to open the door. You tried to do it as quietly as possible. When the door unlocked, you noticed R2-D2 inside. The vigilant droid immediately directed its diodes toward you but, sensing no threat, didn't react chaotically.

You decided to take a few quiet steps into the bedroom, and suddenly, a sight unfolded before your eyes that shattered your heart into pieces. Anakin sat shirtless on the floor, leaning against the metal frame of his spacious bed, his face buried in his hands. "Anakin." you whispered, not knowing how to handle the situation. Skywalker didn't respond, and you approached him, kneeling beside him. In doing so, you accidentally knocked over a few empty, disposable coffee cups scattered around the room. "Hey." Anakin finally spoke after a while, but so softly that you could barely hear him. "What's going on? Please, tell me." you asked, gently stroking his shoulder. His exposed skin was feverish, his bangs stuck to his forehead, and strands of hair seemed matted – you could barely see his eyes, especially since he kept avoiding your gaze, looking down. "I'll be fine... I just feel... Sick." he replied after a pause, forcing a smile... A smile that you immediately read as filled with pain. "Anakin, please, be serious... I've never seen you in worse shape, and I... I'm terribly worried." you said. He didn't reply. He removed your hand from his shoulder and gently placed it on his own, then proceeded to kiss it fervently. He didn't part his lips from your delicate skin for a few minutes, and on one hand, you didn't want to press, but on the other, you wanted to know what was troubling him as soon as possible. You sat still until you felt something that broke your heart. You felt a tear from Anakin's eye drip onto your hand. Sensing it run down your wrist, you decided to gently lift his chin with your other hand, tilting his head towards you so he finally looked at you. "Please... Look at me." you whispered with sadness in your voice, and finally, Anakin's eyes met yours, instantly causing them to glisten. His eyes and eyelids were reddened, and on his cheeks, you saw both dried and fresh streaks from tears, which you delicately wiped away with the back of your fingers as soon as you noticed them. He looked like he hadn't slept for a very long time – he was visibly worn down, and his forced smile only emphasized that. "Please, tell me..." you whispered, cradling his feverish face in your cool hands. "I haven't slept well..." he whispered as you gently stroked his face. "I think you meant to say 'I haven't slept at all.'" you replied, casting a fleeting glance at the scattered coffee cups with grounds. Anakin always drank strong coffee, but never this strong. "Please... I'm really scared." you added after a moment, once again locking eyes with him. "Me too." he responded, and you furrowed your brows, unsure of what he meant. Your hands returned to his, and you slowly rose from the floor. "First, please get up. Sit here, comfortably." you indicated the bed and offered him your hand to help him up. Anakin took your hand and pulled himself up slightly to sit next to you on his soft mattress. You embraced him gently and again locked eyes with him, signaling that he should continue. "What are you afraid of? What do you mean?" you asked softly, watching as his gaze scanned your slightly brighter face. "Something haunts me... I feel it again..." he replied after a moment of hesitation, and you tried to piece together the fragments. "Again? You mean..." "Nightmares," he answered before you could finish, and you felt powerless. You didn't want to ask for details - a part of you wanted to know, but another part protested.

"They're worse, more realistic than ever..." he added after a moment, not breaking eye contact with you. "Anakin... How can I..." "Hold me." he suddenly replied, and without hesitation, you embraced him, burying your face in his neck. His grip was desperate and strong - stronger than ever. He held you as if the entire world depended on it, as if letting you go meant losing you forever. You felt his unstable heartbeat, and your eyes welled up at the thought of the non-physical pain Anakin was involuntarily enduring. You remembered that nightmares had haunted him years ago, but you had never been this close to him - never had the opportunity to help him somehow endure them. "I'm here... I'm with you." you whispered into his ear, gently running your fingers through his hair. Minute by minute, you felt his body calming down, and the tension slowly dissipating. There was still a sense of brokenness, but both of you knew that it couldn't be bypassed in a matter of minutes. "Let's lie down, okay?" you asked after a while, lifting your face from his neck enough to look into his eyes. Anakin nodded, and both of you simultaneously fell onto his soft pillows, lying facing each other, never letting go. "I would give a lot for you not to have to go through this... I would do anything." you whispered slowly, and now it was Anakin who cupped your face with his hand. "I wouldn't want you to give up anything." he replied after a while, and you didn't even prepare a response. You moved closer to his face, and when your lips met, you left him with a sweet, short kiss. "Please." he whispered, pleadingly, not wanting the kiss to be so short, and quickly returned his lips to yours, kissing them tenderly and not parting for the next few longer moments. When you both ran out of breath, you separated your lips, touching foreheads and listening to only your accelerated breaths. The atmosphere seemed dense, but there was already less pain and more of something you had been suppressing for a long time. "Anakin..." you whispered, and at that moment, your heart raced the fastest. Skywalker looked at you, feeling the emotions tearing through you. "I love you." And the world stood still – both his and yours. You unloaded a huge emotional burden, but you didn't know how he would take it. His eyes sparkled, and you would bet that hearing your words momentarily held his breath. Despite his own shock, he read each of your emotions and scanned your face as if getting to know you anew. He didn't even have to look for answers – he didn't need to make sure that your words came straight from the heart. Both of you felt that the burden of pure truth had been thrown off, just waiting to be voiced. "I love you too." he finally uttered, the voice you had been waiting for, causing tears to gather in your eyelids. Anakin's eyes were also glistening, but this time you saw a flash of relief and happiness in them, until finally, a genuine, beautiful smile appeared on his face, which you instantly reciprocated. After gazing at each other's love-struck faces, your lips met again, this time in a more passionate, tension-relieving kiss, the sincerest and strongest you had ever shared. Both of you were breathless, breaking it. "Promise me something." you said between deep breaths, and his eyes immediately looked at you, expecting the continuation of your words. "Fall asleep with me now... I'll be right there with you, just please, get some rest." you spoke with clear seriousness, and after a moment of hesitation, Anakin nodded, and his smile returned to its place. "I'll try." he whispered before gently sinking onto you, so that he was in your embrace.

"Relax, think of something that brings you joy." you whispered to him, and with your free hand, you reached for a blanket lying next to both of you, covering Anakin enough so that he wouldn't feel the cold on his exposed skin at any moment of the night. You didn't care that you were fully dressed – you didn't want to give an inch away from him, not now, when he finally gained a bit of peace. You looked at his closed eyes and gradually calming breath, gently circling your fingers on his back. When you kissed him on the forehead, the corner of his mouth lifted in a sweet smile, and your head landed on the pillow – not to fall asleep, but to - before doing so - make sure that Anakin had drifted into a peaceful sleep. Soon, all tension disappeared – you felt only calm breaths on your skin and the touch of his chest rising and falling rhythmically. Only peace surrounded him. Only peace and your tender gaze, which soon faded away to drift together with him.

[anakinskywalkerog]

My Very Soul (Chapter 31)

Anakin Skywalker x Jedi!Reader

Link to Chapter 30

Warnings: whew. okay everyone. i'm sorry about this one. this chapter is pure pain. angst and emotional torture and a major character death. tread lightly and read this only if you're doing okay. i'm so so so sorry. that's just how the story goes.  

Summary: As Anakin races to your aid, you find out more about your mysterious, violet-eyed attacker. A major shift occurs in your life, altering your relationship to the Force.

Word Count: 4.6k

"Anakin, be reasonable," Obi-Wan pled. The two Jedi Knights hurried alongside the outer perimeter of the Guild headquarters, where their battalions had, thus far, managed to hold the base.

         "I'm going after them," Anakin promised, his brow furrowed as he turned to look at his former Master. Obi-Wan's face looked exasperated—the stress and exhaustion from the battle read in every line near his eyes, in the way his mustache moved to the side. Anakin knew Obi-Wan well enough to see the fear and worry behind this carefully cultivated façade.

         "Anakin, you mustn't let your feelings cloud your decision-making," Obi-Wan implored, rounding the corner toward the recently constructed command center at the center of the Guild, where Rex and Cody waited to consult the Council via hologram. The Jedi back in Coruscant were waiting to hear about the progress on Felucia, but Anakin didn't care about the Council. He didn't care, at the moment, about the 501st holding the Guild from separatist forces. He was beyond concern for the war. He only knew he needed to get to you.

         "Yuma signaled for help, Obi-Wan!" Anakin fumed, his jaw clenched, his breath coming hot and tight out of his nostrils. "Do you really believe she would have signaled for anything less than—"

         "No," Obi-Wan responded, slowing his stride as the two of them neared the rudimentary command center. "I don't believe she would have signaled needlessly. But—"

         "But nothing. They need our help. Something's wrong, I know it, I...I can feel it." Anakin felt his chest tighten at these words, his worry and anger closing around his heart like a fist. Why couldn't Obi-Wan understand that you were in danger!?

         "Our orders," Obi-Wan said with a tired, heavy sigh, "are to remain at the Guild. If we are unable to hold the front here—"

         "I know our orders," Anakin spat, breathing hard. He turned his angry pout on his former Master, who looked back into Anakin's eyes with concern. Anakin shook his head, trying to clear his anger, trying to focus. He took a deep, steadying breath. "I'm going after them," Anakin said shortly, turning to head back in the direction they had come, back toward the perimeter of the Guild, toward the direction of Yuma's signal. "It is your choice whether to come or not."

         Anakin turned to walk away, his angry stride starting to break into a jog as his thoughts turned to you. He knew he shouldn't have separated from you, he thought angrily. If anything at all happened to you...Anakin couldn't consider the possibility. His insides turned to steel, a hot, heavy, twisted metal, and he quickened his pace. You were his whole world, his reason for existing. He would not allow anything to happen to you.

         Behind him, Anakin heard Obi-Wan heave another sigh. The sound of his Master's quick steps growing nearer reassured Anakin that Obi-Wan was, at last, seeing reason. The two Knights hurried away from their duty, toward the sound of the distress call they knew they must answer.

You strained, trying to pull at the restraints around your wrists, around your ankles, but the heavy metal bounds wouldn't budge. You were held in a restraining plastron that stood in the middle of a large, empty cavern. You searched the ceiling and looked into the sides of this voluminous cave, trying to discover a way out, but it was too dark for you to grasp your surroundings fully. The only shapes around you were the many stalagmites that rose from the stone floor. The cave itself seemed to be whispering to you, making noises that were not noises that could be made without a voice. The humming continued. You felt your head drooping, felt your consciousness pulling away from you. You gritted your teeth, fighting to remain in the present, fighting the battle with your brain fog and winning.

         The woman with the violet eyes leaned up against one of the larger stalagmites, watching you with a malicious expression on her face. When you looked into her eyes, the whispering voices in your mind grew louder. Why were you having this reaction now, in the presence of this woman who, while an enemy, was certainly not a Sith? Why were you struggling to maintain a hold on your consciousness? The cave continued to whisper, as if deriding your questions, as if mocking you for your ignorance. You struggled against your restraints some more.

         "Let me go!" you yelled again, infusing into your voice all the Force command you could muster. The woman sat watching you, a wicked smile gracing her lips, but she did not respond. You tried again. "You will remove these restraints!" you shouted, but the woman simply laughed.

         "This is entertaining," the woman drawled, her voice jogging your memory in a sickening way, your stomach turning. You felt outward toward her in the Force, feeling her anger, her hatred, her...insecurity? The instability within this woman raged within her like a fire, burning up every thought. You felt her presence like you were holding something that burned your fingers. You scrunched your eyes closed, trying to force her impression out.

         "I'm aware of your abilities, you know," the woman said, and you opened your eyes, glaring at her where she sat so casually. "I can see what you're trying to do. But your intuition won't help you now, I'm afraid." She pushed herself up off the ground where she sat. "Knowledge of what's to come won't stop it from happening."

         "What do you want with me?" you spat, glaring at this woman and feeling the hatred from her presence lap at your insides like a flame. Or, maybe, you considered, this was your own anger. You took a breath to calm yourself. You mustn't lose focus.

         "Retribution," the woman said casually, holding up her hand and looking down at her nails, as if she were bored with this conversation. "Revenge, I can admit. And pain." She looked back up at you and took a few steps closer, smiling with her teeth in a way that made your insides squirm. "I want you to feel pain. And you will." She cocked her head, turning to her left. You felt their presences coming in—the people entering the cave felt fear, a sickening, all-encompassing fear, a fear mixed with ire. You turned in your restraints to regard three large men carrying a heavy-looking crate. You gasped, recognizing the one with the bald head and the lightning tattoo. The man looked up at you as the henchmen approached, giving you a menacing glare.

         "Yes, I am not the only one who wants revenge," the woman continued as the men set the crate down in front of where you were restrained. "She will suffer, my friend," the woman said, signing her speech with her hands to the man with the tattoo, who grunted in response. "But the pain must wait."

         The men walked away, and you tried to turn yourself around in your restraints to see where they exited, but it was no use. You were bound too tightly. The woman stepped forward and pressed the panel on the side of the crate. As it opened, you felt the sounds of the whispering intensify, those low notes continuing in the back of your mind, a long, melancholic chant. You felt your eyes roll back into your head, and you fought, trying hard to regain your eyesight.

         "Convenient," you heard the woman say, and you pushed your eyes forward, regarding her with blurry vision. She'd stepped even closer to you, leaning in, her purple irises alight with some foul emotion you felt swelling around her. "That this," she continued, gesturing with her hands toward the cavern around you, "was once a dwelling place for a Sith Lord and his apprentice." You felt her thoughts turn to her henchmen, and their fear as they regarded this place. You started to understand. "I knew, of course, that you would be difficult to subdue," the woman continued, "without a little help. And since my uncle refuses, for some reason, to touch you, I knew I needed to get a little...inventive."

         At these words, your thoughts started to spin. Her uncle? Who was this woman? And how did she have such knowledge of the Sith, of the ways of the Force, if she wasn't a Jedi? She couldn't be even five years older than you were. You felt her presence turn sour, her anger singing you from within. You forced your eyes open, so that you could look at her.

         "Yes, I can feel your confusion," the woman mused, her brow furrowing. "Though we are not all gifted in the Force as you are, these rudimentary changes in energy are apparent. To me, anyway." The woman laughed without humor.

         "Who are you?" you asked, knowing that you would be able to decipher the answer in her thoughts. The woman smiled an evil smile as she lifted her head out of the crate. She raised her eyebrows. You couldn't see what was in her hands.

         "Ah, yes, I suppose your abilities would come in handy when seeking information," she said, but you only half heard her. You were concentrating on the images and impressions flashing through her thoughts—Count Dooku was there, and you delved deeper, feeling into the woman, feeling her memories. You saw her as a child, petulant, moving things with her mind. You saw Dooku, yelling at some other man, felt the child's emotions. She was crying. You felt other things too, things you couldn’t decipher.

         "Dooku...is your..." you began, trying to piece it all together.

         "My uncle," the woman seethed, standing up and looking you head on. You saw in her hands a large needle. You swallowed, bringing yourself back to the moment. You felt the woman's anger at Dooku's name. "Yes," she continued, walking to your other side, holding the needle in front of her. "My uncle became, as you might know, very disenchanted with your Order. He refused," she continued, stopping to study you, "to allow anyone in his family to join." You felt other images flash by in her mind—images of Dooku hitting her across the face, pushing her to the ground, shouting at her.

         "He hid you," you stated, looking deeper into her mind, trying to glean any information that might help you escape this mess.  

         "Yes," she answered, her eyes showing just a hint of the pain you felt raging within her. "He made sure no one would ever find me. He made sure I learned every sick, twisted ability he could teach me. But I was never enough for him." She paused, reading your reaction as you felt her memories, her pain from her training.

         "He shouldn't have done that to you," you started quickly, taking advantage of her silence. "Had you been found by the Order, you would have been trained differently. But it isn't too late—"

         "It is," the woman hissed, "altogether too late. For me," she grinned, her anger twisting her face into that same, wicked smile, "and for you."

         "What does any of this have to do with me?" You asked, confused.

         "Ah," the woman laughed. "Well, my uncle wasn't too happy with me after our little meeting on Serenno. You remember?" she asked, and the memory of it came back to you, though it felt like a lifetime ago. You and Anakin, searching Serenno for answers about the separatist attacks on the senators. You thought of Anakin with a pang, remembering the fight you'd had after your first encounter with this woman, wondering where he was now in the battle raging outside the cave, whether he was okay.

         "Yes, you and pretty boy caused quite a stir between me and my dear uncle," the woman grimaced. You thought you could sense the ghost of a scar across her face, one that might have been made by a lightsaber. "And, of course, the Count was furious that I had encountered you, furious that I had betrayed details about his involvement to the ones so special to—" she cut off at this, and you sensed, for the first time, fear in her presence. What had she been about to say? Special to who?

         "Regardless," she continued, "I didn't forget that you bested me then, and I planned to make it up to my uncle. Earn his favor, or, at the very least, escape his...wrath." You furrowed your brow, confused. "I wanted to kill you, you see," she said, "to make up for my mistake. But my uncle told me you were not to be harmed, not to be dealt with." This piece of information stopped your thoughts in their tracks. Not to be harmed? As instructed by Dooku? How could that be?

         "I listened," the woman added, continuing her story. "I did not attempt harm you, though I admit I resented you even then. I didn't understand why you were known to my uncle, why you and your precious lover boy were not to be touched. I started to wonder what my uncle was hiding, when he would slip away. I wanted to know who he was conversing with, at night, why he shuddered with fear at random moments." The woman paced to your other side, the needle looming large in her hands. "But I was careful. I began to eavesdrop, collecting what information I could, while still performing those menial tasks for my uncle—sending bounty hunters to scare the senators, trying to stir up dissent within the Republic. But then—" she cut off, her face twisting, and you felt that she might as well be talking to herself, her presence so deep in her memories. "Then I was sent to attack a senator on Levangé." You swallowed, a lump forming in your throat. "A job I thought would be simple, a task I knew I could perform to get back into my uncle's confidence." The woman's face screwed up in anger, and she stepped forward again, looking into your eyes.

         "You ruined that for me too, you see," she said, her eyes level with yours. "You got me captured, got me interrogated, thrown into a Republic cell. My uncle was furious." You looked down, seeing that she was squeezing the needle, her hands straining around its large barrel. "Sure, he...liberated me," she said, laughing a harsh laugh. "But he punished me. He was terrified of his secrets getting out, you know." The woman took a breath, as if she was losing control on her calm pretense. "He banished me, once he was done with his punishments. I was turned out like a common rat. And all for him to declare himself, not even a week later, to the Republic. All for the war to start, for his schemes to be made public." You wanted to keep this woman talking, keep her focused on her story so you might find a way out of this, find your way back to Master Yuma, wherever she was in this mess of tunnels. You focused your Force energy on your binding, trying with all your might to unlock the mechanism, but it was no use. Your hands and legs remained bound.

         "So you see, all of my woes can be traced back to you," the woman was saying, her eyes on you, her face in a slightly maniacal smile. "I lost everything. All because of you. You ruined a lot of things for me," she said as she leaned forward, looking into your face. "You took away my family, took my position, took my uncle's fascination...and, without the purpose he had given me, I started to seek a new purpose. Revenge."

         "You...you don't have to do this," you whispered, looking around frantically. "I didn't take those things from you. You were born into the worst of circumstances, but you can still—"

         "Still what?" the woman asked derisively. "Still lean into the 'light side of the Force'? You will soon learn," the woman snarled, "that there is no such thing as the dark and the light. There is no difference between the Sith and the Jedi, Y/N. Both seek power, mastery of the Force. The only difference is the wording they use when they speak of their methods."

         "How do you know my name?" you asked breathlessly, looking back to the needle in the woman's hands.

         "I know all about you, Y/N. I eavesdropped plenty on my uncle, and his conversations with his...Master," the woman fumed, and you felt again the pinpricks of fear in her presence. "I know that you and your precious Anakin Skywalker are to be 'preserved' for him," she continued. "I know that, because of this, I cannot harm you. I cannot kill you. They would find out," she smiled, holding the needle, looking like she wasn't all there in her mind. "They would come after me, and kill me. I don't know why they bother with you, why they discuss you and your friend..." the woman stepped up in front of you once again, sizing you up, your form much shorter in stature than hers. "So I had to be clever, when planning my attack. I still have contacts in the separatist movement, you know. It wasn't difficult to visit a few of their bases, trying to form a plan. And then I stumbled on this wonderful place," she explained, raising her arms and gesturing around the cave. "Knowing, as I know, that you struggle with your so-called 'dark side'...I thought a Sith dwelling would be the perfect place to hold you. But how to get you here!" The woman laughed shrilly. "It has not been easy. I knew I needed to push the separatists as far toward your Guild as possible, knew that if the situation were dire enough, the Republic would send you, their prized student. And I knew I needed to do it without attracting my uncle's attention." The woman breathed deeply, as if she were basking in her success. "It took longer than I expected. But finally, you arrived. And now I will find my revenge. I can still hurt you." She reached out with her hand, touching the side of your temple. You bristled at her touch.

         "My uncle was terrified that you would find out anything about me," the woman continued, switching the needle from her right hand to her left, like she was playing with it. "He hid me even from his own Master, you know. And perhaps that is why he sent me away—I was becoming too much of a liability." She laughed again, her eyes darkening. "But I don't care to follow his rules anymore. You will know my name. And you will remember who it is that causes your pain." You looked at the needle again, and back into her eyes, your presence finally giving over to fear.

         "Vyra," she said plainly, reaching out and touching your hair, as if you were old friends. "My name is Vyra. And you don't have to worry about this," Vyra added, gesturing to the needle in her hand. "It isn't for you."

         It was then that you felt the disturbance—the presences moving toward you, the rift in the Force, as if something were being set in motion, as if the song were swelling toward forte, the symphony reaching its final act. The whispering voices in your head joined the cacophony, growing louder, growing excited. Your head ached from the effort it took to stay present, to keep your consciousness in the here and now.

         "Bring her in, boys," Vyra said in a manic, evil tone, her smile taking over her whole face. You turned to regard the same three henchmen carrying something, walking toward you. You strained to see the limp form in their arms.

         "No!" you shouted, your eyes filling with tears. You pulled at your restraints, pushed out with the Force, your fear and panic swelling along with the voices in your head.

         "Yes," Vyra contradicted as the men lay the unconscious form of Master Yuma beneath your feet. "I would have preferred lover boy, of course," she added casually, like you were discussing the weather. "That was the original plan. But he is well protected, and when your Master," she continued, the word rolling off her tongue contemptuously, "basically fell into my lap? Well, I couldn't pass up the opportunity. She was so easy to collect, unconscious as she was. She fell from quite a height."

         "No!" you shouted again, as loudly as you could, your voice grating against your throat. "Let her go!"

         "Your Force command is useless, here," Vyra said slyly, reaching to prop Master Yuma's unconscious body in a seated position against the nearest stalagmite. "But it's entertaining to see you struggling so much. Please, continue."

         "What are you going to do to her?!" you pled, continuing to struggle against your restraints. "Let her go, now!"

         "I would have thought it was quite obvious, by this point," Vyra responded, rolling her violet eyes. "Even your intuition doesn't allow for basic deduction skills, I suppose." Vyra pressed the needle against Master Yuma's neck, almost gently, injecting her swiftly with some kind of clear liquid. When she was finished, she stood up, admiring her handiwork.

         "It should only take a few minutes," Vyra explained, her face the face of pure evil. "This is a fun concoction that my uncle tends to use on his...enemies. It will make her see things," Vyra clarified, taking a step away from Master Yuma and back toward you. "See unpleasant things. It's an excellent form of...emotional torture. And I thought, since I am not able to harm you, physically," Vyra added, stepping until she was inches away from your face once again. "How else to torture an empath?"

         Your heart beat madly in your chest as you watched Master Yuma start to twitch. How were you going to get out of here? You needed to think quickly. You saw, underneath Vyra's dark cloak, the form of a lightsaber—Yuma's lightsaber. If you could distract her, you might be able to wrest the lightsaber from her through the Force. But how to use it, with your hands bound as they were, above your head?

         "No..." Yuma whimpered, and you looked back at her, horrified, watching her form start to shake. "No, no, no..." Yuma was shaking her head back and forth. You felt her presence descend into terror, felt your own following hers. Her eyes shot open.

         "NO!!!" Yuma shouted, looking around wildly, her eyes unfocused.

         "Master!" you yelled for her.

         "No, Y/N, no!! No!! Get away from her!! Stop it, stop hurting her..." Master Yuma yelled wildly, her eyes unseeing, her body jolting back and forth, reacting to the poison's effect on her mind.

         "Master, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry..." you started to sob, your own body shaking. You could feel every dip in your Master's presence, saw with her the vague impression of yourself...of yourself being threatened, of yourself being hurt.

         "Isn't it excellent?" Vyra asked, her eyes alight with excitement. "I did not know, of course, that the images her mind would conjure to torture itself would involve you...how fun!" Vyra clapped her hands together.

         "Stop!! No!! NO!!" Yuma was shouting, and in her mind you felt the impression of dead bodies all around her, piling up. You saw through her presence your own form, lying on the ground, unmoving, your eyes open, your mouth gaping. You saw Anakin's form lying next to yours, and Obi-Wan's next to his. You saw with Yuma a pile of dead Jedi.

         "No, no, Y/N, no, it's all my fault..." Yuma cried, her head shaking back and forth, her hands pushing into her eyes.

         "No, Master, no..." you sobbed, trying to think clearly through the voices that were laughing, jeering in your head. "No, it's not your fault, Master, it isn't real, it isn't real, Yuma, come back to me!"

         "It's all my fault," Yuma said again, "I tried, I tried..." From where she was slumped against the rock, you saw that her unfocused eyes had tears streaming from them.

         "No, Master, no, it's not real, I'm going to get us out of this, I'm going to help you, Master!" you cried, looking around wildly, screaming in the Force, asking for something, anything that would help you get out of here, anything to help you fight. You strained against the bounds on your hands and legs, pressing with all your Force effort, willing them to open. They wouldn't.

         Vyra stood next to you, leaning in, looking into your eyes, enjoying every moment of your agony. As you turned to look at her, every part of your insides seemed to erupt. You spat at her, your body still raging in the Force, trying to get out of your bondage.

         "You see what I mean," Vyra said gleefully, "about the dark and the light? It's all a myth, Y/N. You'll know soon enough." You felt Vyra's thoughts turn to the kill.

         "Um, Vyra..." you heard one of the men say, approaching quickly.

         "What?" snapped Vyra, turning to the man reluctantly.

         "Code blue. They're close."

         "No!" Vyra screamed in rage, her hands balling into fists. "Urrghh!" She swiped at the air with her long limbs, hitting something imaginary.

         You felt the voices swelling around you, the hum echoing against the cave walls, blocking out every sound. You pushed against them with all your might.

         "No," whimpered Yuma, her pain tinging the air around you.

         "Ruining the fun..." you heard Vyra say, as if to herself, and you looked at her, seeing that her face was calculating. "Only one thing to do, now," Vyra said, her face illuminating as she took Yuma's saber from beneath her own cloak and lit it.

         It happened as if in slow motion. You felt your body twist, screaming at your restraints, pressing yourself forward toward your Master. Vyra kept her eyes on you as she leapt toward Yuma, pressing, in one, quick motion, the saber's green blade directly into Yuma's chest.

         "NO!!!!" you screamed, your sight turning to black, your feeling in the Force so strong that you thought you might shatter your own blood vessels, shatter the cave around you. You felt the stalagmites begin to crack.

         "Until we meet again," you heard Vyra say maliciously, and you wrenched your sight back to reality, trying to see through your blurry eyes as Vyra pocketed Yuma's saber and leapt into the air, disappearing upward into the darkness.

         "NO!!" you screamed again, your head turning backward and forward, looking around for your attacker, straining against your restraints. Your rage continued to shake the ground, continued to cause the stalagmites to crack. But there was no one left to attack—Vyra and the henchmen were nowhere to be seen. You breathing was coming in large gasps, your mind unable to comprehend your surroundings, your entire self shying away from what had just occurred. It couldn't be. Yuma couldn't be...

         "Master," you whimpered, looking through the darkness at the form slumped over against the stalagmite. "Master....master..." you continued, as if compulsively, begging the universe to let her respond, begging her through the Force to wake up. "Master! Master!! MASTER!" you shouted, reaching out through the Force, feeling forward toward Yuma's insensate form. But you couldn't feel your Master there, you realized. You couldn't feel anything.

         You kept your heavy lids open, beholding the unmoving form of the person who was your family, your mother, your father, your mentor, your safe harbor, your source of comfort and knowledge and love. The person who had taught you every important value you held dear. As you looked at her, you saw, to your astonishment, her form vanish, her clothes falling empty to the ground.

         It was then that you descended into madness.

************************************************************************

But there's no happy endings, not here and not now this tale is all sorrows and woes you dream that justice and peace win the day but that's not how the story goes

Honestly very sorry for this. This hurt to write. To anyone who cares about this story--I'm sorry! But this is how the story goes.

Another chapter is up NOW so don't dwell in your misery, go read

divider credit to @racingairplanes

taglist part 1: @iyoogi @cluelessgurl @layazul @annadastra @graciexmarvel @galaxiasyamor @organasith @indigoblues1207 @outoftheregular @katsukiswrld @prettyboyrryy @jellydodger @wildflower57 @padmeamidalaslover @em-asian @heavenseraph @iloveinej @leapofblank @sahverah @elsyyie @usuallyunlikelyfox @jadeonce @papadragun @dopejellyfishfury @stxrrielle @lilianashomaresparza @prettylittlecarstairs @deadunicorn159 @atoelicker @arelisskywalker @maythefloorbewithyouanakin @your-local-crzy-lady @dontmindme262 @xenochuguardian @cassiopeiashift @allihavenegativethoughts @hamiltonwc @1-800-nostalgiaaa @heyitsaloy @haydenchristensenluvbot @sunflwrsunnieshine @muthafuckingstargirl @window-to-nothing @shadowhuntyi @jedi-archives @inmourningforanakin @vivsmcdo @betrund @ahqkas @aquaamethyst96 @escapepoet @randomstuff2040 @kenjikishimotosupremecy @nycweb-slinger @anxlaufeyson @magic-magnoliaa @theezlife @unipugrose22-blog @anhsoka @lucyysthings @hopefulpursepeanutdeputy @captainson-of-coul @zelzablues @chrisevansslutttt2

[sadiecoocoo]

TCW Fanfiction: Surrender Your Mind

Teen and Up

Relationships - anakin/Rex, Ahsoka & rex, ahsoka & anakin, rex & Jesse,

characters - Rex, anakin, Ahsoka, Jesse, Kix, R2-D2, Palpatine

tags/warnings - graphic depictions of violence, whump, angst, fluff, pining, a teensy bit of comfort, rex whump, rex needs a hug, hurt Rex, anakin needs a hug, anakin doesn't turn to the dark side, protective anakin skywalker, hurt anakin skywalker, order 66 happened differently, order 66, clone trooper inhibitor chips, clone trooper inhibitor chips removal, mind control, eventual happy ending, OR IS THERE?

summary - Anakin is returned with Ahsoka after the Siege of Mandalore. There's speculation that the war will be over soon, that everyone can stop fighting. But the war ends in a different way. It ends with the clones, the Jedi's most trusted friends, turning around and slaughtering them. Anakin and Ahsoka are fighting to not be one of said Jedi, and Rex is fighting to not be one of said clones.

Or, Anakin has to deal with seeing his crush being mind controlled and trying to kill him and then even more bad things ensue :)

chapters - 4/4 Will have a sequel

current word count - 7,189

link

Mentions: @battlekilt @necalliteotl

[ladyxskywalker]

lost without you, i & ii

Anakin Skywalker x F!Reader/OFC

a momentary separation between you & anakin happens while you are not feeling well. however, despite the circumstances, your hearts have only grown fonder of one another each time you speak on the phone. 💙

I wrote this a while ago & was kindly asked to repost it here on tumblr. also available to read on ao3. based on a real life situation. 🌼

i.

It's been weeks since you've been together. Something awful and truly beyond your control, forcing your current separation. A horrible flu making the rounds in your home world, where you - after attending a wedding, unfortunately, had come down with it as well.

"I confess, my love, I haven't been doing well without you." Anakin confides quietly in you, taking advantage of whispering in hushed tones over the phone.

"Anakin..."

"I know you're still recovering, but I can't help it, I'm selfish for you. I want you here...right now."

A softened sigh of your breath leaves your chest with a slight struggle, a cough escaping there, and a tear drop too.

"I will be back soon, I promise. Being without my other half has truly been unbearable."

"I just...I just want to hold you."

"You will again, soon enough. I promise."

But what you really meant to say, through the emotional heartbreak you've been facing is - yes, I know things have been difficult, I just hadn't realized that you'd been going through this just as much as I was.

"Will I, though?"

It hurts the most when his own mind leads him away from reality and the truth. Right away thinking or feeling like he'll never see you again. But the thoughts are only just intrusive ones, they have no real bearing on what lies in your heart.

"Yes."

Your head starts to feel too heavy, and your pillow is much too nice for you to even attempt getting up right now.

Sleep was inevitable. You hadn't been able to rest in days. Too nervous with worry to let your eyes close.

Too sad and unable to sleep without him all alone.

"This war...sometimes feels as though I am completely by myself, even though I know I'm not. I sense everything so strongly, it's harder than I thought."

"You need human contact. I understand that more than you know."

"Yes. I want it from you."

All while laying down, your cheeks have felt your eyes as they've already gone ahead into weeping. Another sort of instinct, telling you to finally let it all out.

"Tell me...what you miss...what you hope for most when eventually I do return."

Anakin pauses on his side of things, taking a breath before surrendering to his own heart.

"I just...I just want to be close to you."

"I want that too."

"I want to hug you for as long as I'm able to. Hold you in my arms while we sleep together in our room. Watch you smile at me from the door when you wake up. But..."

"But what, handsome?"

"The days...they're too long, too far."

After holding things in for so long, he begins to get a little bit choked up.

"I miss you, Anakin."

"I miss you too..."

So for now, all the two of you can do for one another is wait. A few more days for him to be home, and another stretch of time for you to start feeling better once more.

And then, there's a little static.

Background noise.

Another voice coming through over the phone.

"General Skywalker, there are enemy hostiles about. We should flank them on foot. Surround them."

"Good call, Commander. Lead the way, I won't be long."

You can almost picture his face in your mind then. A distance resonating in his eyes, veering off somewhere towards the setting suns, before looking back down.

Confident.

Brooding.

And, maybe even a little bit tired from it all.

"Go."

"I'll call you again tomorrow. And..."

"Hm?"

"I just want you to know, I'm not going anywhere."

Right then and there, even from across the airwaves, you sensed his light and the force of his love deep within your bones.

... 🌼

ii.

after being apart from one another for quite some time, anakin gives you a warm welcome home ❤️

this part is rated M or E for smut feel free to skip if this is not for you additional content tags: soft smut, couch time, sleepy morning intimacy, implied things happening, nothing crazy

It started with a long hug and a gentle hello. A smile for you, already gleaming with excitement as he greeted you by the door.

You were going to dinner that night. A fancy one he'd been planning for weeks for your birthday. Thoughtful gifts, wrapped with care, just needing to be opened. A release of kind breath, leaving the anxious state of your lungs then, because now - finally, all is well.

And you were home .

"Are you feeling better, sweetheart?"

"Mhmm."

He pulls you closer. Your hands, finding their way up to the back of his neck to feel his still wet hair from the shower.

Anakin hums, tracing the tip of his nose along your neck - leaning into it, enjoying the touch of your skin. The smell of your perfume that he loves so much.

"Do I look stupid?" He chuckles, all while holding you tighter to him.

"No. You're perfect."

"Good. Now go, open your gifts. You've waited long enough."

But for just a minute, you'd rather just take him all in there instead. To say how much you truly missed him while you were apart. That the greatest feeling in the world right now is knowing that Anakin is the best gift of all.

The night went by so fast. Laughing with each other first, then with friends...

Sneaking off somewhere for a while in a dark corner of the bar...

The softened shadows, encasing you both in their ease of surrounding comfort. And his hands, showing you the way toward his hips in front of everyone else, without a care in the world.

Your arms wrap around him easily.

His incredible blue eyes, focus on your lips.

Then your palms cup his face, completely letting go - falling on air immediately when he begins to kiss you hard.

"Want to get out of here?"

"Mm. Yes ."

"We don't need to be here anymore."

And so, you go.

"Come here."

He reaches for you to straddle him on the couch, insistent on his keys landing somewhere on the hard surface of his table below. Making a slightly abrupt noise that he knows someone else might have complained about...

But, he doesn't care where anything is supposed to go right now, and neither do you.

Not with the way you've been eyeing him sweetly from above...

Your shoes ending up someplace with his boots as they've already fallen over...

His belt buckle, already lost underneath his messy chair on the floor.

"I missed you. I thought...I thought you were never coming back. That, maybe you were gone for good."

Anakin caresses your face, brushing your cheek with care at the tips of all his fingers.

"You're my other half, I'd never leave you. Never..."

Anakin sighs, almost afraid to speak. Always brooding, so deep in thought.

"All those weeks...I couldn't bear it. I wasn't myself."

You kiss him slowly, slotting your lips together, chests pressing, getting even closer.

"I know."

Leaning down, you trace every line of his neck with kisses. Gripping the hems of his clothes. Shifting your hips against his, silently begging for him to help take them off.

But it's you that he wants first.

Completely vulnerable and bare on top of him.

Another hand, slipping between your thighs - teasing you with his strong and capable curling. Eliciting a budding sensation there that makes you moan.

The tip of his tongue, encircling the pebbled skin of your breasts, his eyes soothed to a close as he takes each one into his mouth.

"Yes... oh , please... please ."

Then, he grins, feeling that stray shiver he seems to know so well. Shifting you just the slightest for a second to take his pants off. Guiding your hand lower against his hardest part just to arrogantly show what you do to him.

"I want you. Right here ."

And as you lower yourself down upon him, it feels as though everything is made right again.

Affectionate sighs of impassioned relief, escaping there from you both...

Foreheads dipping into an almost blind surrender to the simplest form of selfish touch...

It took some time for you to drift off. The adrenaline and excitement of seeing and truly being with him again, almost feeling like too much.

He hums when he sleeps sometimes, sensing when occasionally your eyes tend to open - watching him. Closing them softly again when you know you've been caught.

You missed his bed. The smooth sheets. His warm pillows.

The broad span of his chest, and the cool feel of his arms.

Snuggling closely to him, you check the time. Looking across the room at towards the window, judging that by now it had already been morning. Your calming hint being the comforting light of the sun.

"Mm. I haven't slept at all..."

You whisper to yourself. Unable to fathom the last time you did something like this. Or that all of it had truly been real as well.

"There you are..."

Anakin slowly opens his eyes, allowing them to adjust.

"Morning, handsome."

Looking over, you see that all this time, the sheets have grown tighter. Sliding your hand beneath the warmth of your blankets to palm what lies beneath them. Though, before you know it, both he and you are no longer guarded by your covers.

"Where do you want me?"

You whisper, pressing each word against his waiting mouth.

His kiss, feeling like the only sort of sensual welcome you ever want to know.

Then, wordlessly, he takes you by the wrist, carefully and protectively, leading you back up and over where you belong.

Reaching around the hardened length of him, the pad of your thumb grazes over the smooth tip, before guiding it towards that sensitive spot. Letting go.

He kneads at your flesh, grasping at the skin of your thighs, rolling you forward, kissing you hard. His fingers, holding tightly to the back of your head. Freeing you only when you stretch, sitting back up. Your entire being, on passionate display for him there.

"I'm a lucky man..."

He smiles, all while mumbling a string of endless thoughts. Secrets from his mind that he's been keeping. Allusions to everything he loves about you, never spoken, always bottled up. Until this overwhelming moment.

Until, right now.

"You're a goddess... so beautiful..."

You can't help it when a single tear begins to fall, when you see his pure surrender to joy slipping with dampened eyelids of his own.

A rough hand then changing the scene...

Emotions running wild when a mere gentle moment turns into something else.

Your lips, pressed into momentary capture by the welcome feeling of his palm.

All you can do is watch him, as he's watching the joining spaces between you. The quickened pace that comes from the rolling of your hips. Your fingertips, toying with your own chest there...

And then he releases you. A moan escaping, then his shuddered breaths...

Another kiss...

Then one final glide.

Your blinding wave and loving fall, following his right after...

He's so warm, so safe like this. That when he eases you off of him, carefully making space for you to sleep next to him some more, you almost can't believe that you are really here with him now.

That you've almost spent four seasons of time with this amazing man.

That either one of you no longer had to fear the thought of being alone.

No universe exists where you would ever dream of being with someone else.

And you loved him.

... ❤️

thanks so much for reading 💌 xo A

[aniharas]

𝘪𝘧 𝘵𝘰𝘶𝘤𝘩 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳 | 𝘵𝘩𝘳𝘦𝘦

pairing: anakin skywalker x padawan!fem!reader

summary: tensions between you and anakin boil to an all-time high as you confront him for his unfairness.

warnings: implied sexual content, miscommunication, angst, hurt/comfort

wc: 6.6+ split into three parts

chapter one | chapter two | chapter three

a/n: inspired by blouse by clairo!

When you heard the unsteady, distressed banging on your dormitory door, it wasn't a surprise to you. You didn't need to be Force-sensitive with over 20,000 midi-chlorians to know they were coming. Anyone with ears could hear the scrambling from a mile away. Eyes red from your on-and-off sobbing sessions, you kept your head low as you heaved yourself up from your bed. God, I hope it's Ahsoka.

When you reluctantly pulled open your door and revealed Anakin, you found yourself surprised. For the first time, meeting him alone at your dormitory was not something you were sure you wanted. Seeing him made you conflicted throughout your whole body, mind screaming at you to shut him out. You wanted to scream about how much you hated him for what he did, about how unfair he was being, but your legs nearly betrayed you as they longed to gravitate towards him. The longer you laid your eyes on him, his disheveled hair, the sheen of sweat that collected on his neck, his furrowed brow, the way his shoulders heaved up and down with each breath...

"(Y/N)," his low, authoritative voice cut through your very obvious ogling. You squeezed your eyes shut, rubbing your temples as you willed yourself to speak up.

"Ani-" you paused, wincing once you realized you called him that. "Anakin, please just go. You've been so...unfair to me."

You watched his reaction, watching the way his shoulders drop in dejection in response. His eyes, murky with deep thought, fell to the floor as he seemed to ponder. Suddenly, without permission, he barged into your room and shut the door, stationing himself in front of it.

After the physical exhaustion from Kamino and the mental and emotional exhaustion from your situation with Anakin, you couldn't bring yourself to make him leave. You couldn't even decide if you wanted him there or not. Thinking about everything made your head pound like millions of tribal drums were rattling around in there. You took a seat to compose yourself, burying your face in the palms of your hand as if it could help.

The familiar feeling of the bed shifting next to you sent a chill down your spine, the feeling only becoming more intensifying as you felt his hand rest upon your back, his other hand pulling your hands away from your face. He then replaced the absence of your hands with his own, cradling your cheek in a gentle caress. Glancing over at him, his ever-so-readable eyes showed worry. He seemed remorseful.

Somehow, that made you feel angrier. You almost reveled in his shock as you tore away from his touch and stood, disgusted with how it was so easy for him to sway you. "Why do you pretend that you care? You act like this in private, but outside you can't even look at me! What is it, Skywalker?!" You yelled, voice unsteady from the constant verge of crying threatening every word.

Anakin was just as frustrated as you. He shook his head in disbelief, taking his turn to place his face in his hands before turning to look up at you. You hated how hot he was looking up at you. "You obviously know that no one can know about us," he answered, hoping that answer would be sufficient for you.

You scoffed. "So what? Do you think a simple 'hi' or any form of acknowledgment would expose us? What's the real reason you ignore me out there? Oh wait, I know why."

Strangely enough, you felt Ahsoka's anger rub off on you as you stomped over to stand in front of him, wedging yourself between his legs. His gaze dropped down from your face, stopping at your chest and your midsection, and his hands began to inch towards your thighs. You swatted them away, gripping the collar of his tunic with both of your hands and forcing him to look up at you.

"This is exactly what I'm talking about," you hissed, teeth gritted with each word. His face was mere inches away from yours, so you saw the way every single muscle in his face reacted to your words. His brows creased together. his jaw tensing up as he took a deep breath and swallowed, his Adam's apple moving ever so slightly. "Is this what you see me as, Anakin? Your personal prostitute? Is this all I'm good for?"

Heartbreak exploded through his features through each accusation, his gaze becoming more and more distraught. He shook his head, struggling to find his words. "I- no, (Y/N), that's not true at all. I want to keep you safe-"

"So you keep me locked up at the Temple? So I'm unscathed and pretty enough for you to come home and fuck?!" You shouted in his face, your fingers white-knuckling his tunic as they shook. You weren't sure as to when you started crying, but you only noticed when you felt the hot streams gather together at your chin, the droplets falling down onto his lap. "I'm not good enough to be anything more than someone to keep your bed warm."

"Could you listen?!" Anakin exclaimed, sliding his fingers around your wrists and wrenching your hands off his tunic. Keeping a firm grip on your wrists, he held them at your sides so you couldn't hide your face, his gaze burning into you. "You are one of the best padawans I've ever seen. The whole council doubted you when we took you in, but Obi-Wan and I knew you would prove them wrong, and you did." Every single word of his dripped with desperation, his eyes almost pleading as he professed. Your heart felt like it was palpitating, your tears ceasing as confusion began to take hold of your mind. You kept quiet, silently urging him to keep talking.

Anakin felt your rapid pulse through your wrists, loosening his grip on them. "Obi-Wan said it himself. We're similar...I found solace in you," he muttered, his distressed demeanor shifting to a more shy one as he gently pushed you away. "Suddenly nothing mattered more in the galaxy than seeing you. I do want to be able to come home to you. I had to be unfair." You noted the way his fingers trembled with his last few words and how he balled his hands into fists to keep them still.

"Then why ignore me-"

"Do you know how hard it is, (Y/N)?!" Anakin snapped, shooting up from the bed as he gripped your arms, just below the shoulders so he wouldn't affect your injury. You felt like he was burning holes through your eyes with how intensely he stared. "I have trained as a Jedi for a good amount of my life. They call me the chosen one, with 20,000 midi-chlorians in my blood. I'm a part of the Jedi Order and I have to follow code..."

He tried his best to swallow the dryness in his throat away, squeezing his eyes shut, mentally preparing himself for what would come. Eyes fluttering open again, his hands slowly slid down your arms until they connected with yours. His seemed to hesitate for a moment before enveloping yours, the pairs seeming to slot together perfectly. "And I somehow find myself willing to throw it all away for you."

Conflict arose in your thoughts, your eyes darting to catch his every mannerism to see if he was telling the truth. Your hands were conflicted too, not knowing whether to pull away or to return the warm squeeze of his hands.

"But I know I can't. Back at Kamino, not a moment passed where I wasn't thinking about your safety. I couldn't focus. I kept making mistakes every time I thought about you dying. I felt...vulnerable," Anakin admitted, his gaze falling to your hands, silently screaming for you to return the grasp. "It's why I can never bring myself to look at you outside of this dorm. It's why I...lied to the Council to keep you safe at the Temple. But it's not fair to you, it's not your fault I can barely control my emotions," he muttered the last part, seemingly self-conscious. "A decade has passed and that seems to still be something I cannot master, and I am truly sorry that you were caught in my turbulence."

After a dreadfully long moment of silence, you pulled your hands away from his grasp, his hands seeming to reach out for them as soon as they left. Instead, you brought your hands up to gingerly cup his face. You and Anakin weren't sure when his tears began to fall, but you nor he seemed to mind them.

"Don't take credit for all the turbulence, Ani," you joked, letting the smallest of smiles grace your lips. Anakin locked in on the sight of your smile, adoring it as he allowed his head to lean into your hands. However, you didn't exactly feel too comfortable with him yet. You reluctantly pulled away from him, the contrast of his warmth and the cold air in your dormitory almost jarring.

"It still hurts that all of this had to happen for me to understand what was going on with you." Even though he explained his side of things, you didn't think he understood yours. "I've been sitting in the dark for weeks. You're not the only one who feels vulnerable when it comes to us. All I wanted was an answer from you," you managed to croak out sheepishly. "Which is why, if this is what it takes, Ani.."

You leaned forward to take him by the wrists and pull him closer to you, making him tower over you. Letting him bend over and resting his hands on either side of you on the bed, you caressed his cheek once more as you took in the confusion that settled on his face. The tension of his self-restraint was nearly palpable as you leaned in to whisper into his ear. "If being alone with you will help me understand things better, if touching me..." you trailed off, letting your lips graze his earlobe gently, then across his cheek. You continued until you found your face directly his, reaching up to knot your fingers into his hair. "If touching me helps me understand you better, if touching me helps you listen to me...then please, Ani," you begged, your desperate grip on his hair constricting. "Touch me now."

Anakin felt embarrassed letting his tears spill over once again at your words, knowing all too well about being kept in the dark and needing validation. He was disappointed with himself with how he allowed himself to make you feel that way. The familiar seizing of his heart struck once more at the sight and feel of your desperation. He leaned in to press a tender kiss to your forehead, then pressed his own forehead against yours. "I won't ever keep you in the dark again, whether we're alone together or not."

You finally released the breath you were holding in relief, which you weren't even aware that you were holding. Pulling him in to close the distance between your faces, you and Anakin shared a frenzied kiss. The salty taste of his tears mingled with the taste of your own, and it was as if you two were savoring the taste of your mutual desperation for each other. Your hands eventually released themselves from his hair to grip his tunic once more, but not without leaving it a crazed mess. It wasn't long before the distance between your bodies closed as well, his arms snaked around your waist and your legs around his as you felt yourself being lifted up. 

Needing to catch your breath, you bit on his lower lip gently as you pulled away, earning a sly smile from him as you composed yourself. His face was flushed, his swollen lips a brilliant hue of red, and his hair astray. You couldn't even imagine how messy you looked, but the way Anakin looked at you made you feel beautiful regardless. "Stay with me tonight, Anakin."

You and Anakin spent another night together, the atmosphere feeling a bit different. Every movement was more tender, more passionate. You could've sworn that he whispered an "I love you". You both even spent hours lying awake and talking with each other, and you made sure to give him an earful about fixing things about you and the Jedi Council, which he vowed to do. When you eventually fell asleep in each other's arms that night, you both knew that you were uncertain about the future of your relationship as Jedi. However, from that point forward, you and him felt more confident about where each other stood, and that you would figure things out together instead of dealing with it by yourselves.

As you both settled into sleep, your fingertips gently traced hearts across his skin, turning his scars across the expanse of his chest into love arrows in your imagination. The feeling left a soft, sleepy smile on Anakin's lips, and it never left until he eventually fell victim to slumber. You had your head rested on top of his chest, his steadied breaths and heartbeat lulling you to sleep along with him.

It was then that the supernova that was the relationship between you and Anakin didn't seem too blinding anymore. You saw more clearly now, and what you saw was beautiful.

a/n: tysm for reading!!! likes n reblogs always appreciated and inbox is open for suggestions!!

[whumpspacesw]

Something something is boiling here 👀 (and no, it’s not Obikin in their quarters…)

Stay tuned for whumpy updates! ❤️‍🔥

[fandom-friday]

I HAVE TO REC THIS!!!!

It Happened Quiet by @/mercurydancer here on tumblr AKA HopelesslyLost on Ao3. It's on Tumblr as well, just go to their blog!

It is SO GOOD!! If you like Darth Maul, if you like fix-it fics, if you like theorizing about the Force and how it works, if you like speculative biology for zabraks and other SW races--BY GOD, READ IT!

It can get heavy and pretty violent, so check the tags, but MAN OH MAN i love this fic!! I love this world!! The OCs are just wonderful additions to the story, and the characters we already know get such love and care. TODDLER AHSOKA IS SO CUTE 😭

OOOOH this seems OUTSTANDING. I mean, I'm sold at toddler Ahsoka, but some of the tags have me outright cackling:

#can you really call yourself a 'Master' if you can't explain it to a nine year old? #good fucking luck Sheev you dumb bitch

I love it. I'm onboard. THANK YOU FOR THE RECOMMENDATION.

Participate in Fandom Friday to show your favorite creators from this week some love! :)

[tazelll]

my FAVORITE Star Wars fanfics so far have been (and always will be) clone trooper oc centric fics where they go deep into the PTSD, identity crises, and dehumanization that clones go through . MAKE IT ANGSTY !!!!!! MAKE MY HEART PHYSICALLY HURT FROM READING IT !!!!!!! RAHHHHHHHH !!!!