#an ironborn's guide to graverobbing

[ficdraftstic]

Title: An Ironborn's Guide to Graverobbing

He looked so young. Skin pale and hair soft. Theon couldn't believe he was staring at the corpse of Robb Stark. He laid on a bed of winter roses and wore a clean grey suit with a black tie. The collar of his shirt making sure to hide the wiring that lined his neck. From the way he looked you'd have never guessed the boy died in a drunken car accident that separated his head from his body a week after their spat. He couldn't think of a more gruesome death for someone who deserved it the least.

Contrary to what you'd expect of a Northerner, Robb rarely drank. He drove safely, never went above the speed limit and always wore his seatbelt. Every time they'd go on a trip he would always nag Theon about the laws and hazards they should follow for simply being in a car. Small good that did him.

"Who would have thought that you'd get here before me," he whispered, barely audible. As if it was just another one of their sleepovers and Mrs. Stark had just told them to go to sleep. "The gods tell the cruelest jokes, don't they?"

There were so many things he wanted to say. His guilt, gratitude, anger, sorrow and regrets. How much he wanted to see his eyes, feel his skin, and hear his laugh. Theon wanted him to nag him about road safety again. He wanted tell Robb the secrets he kept from him and take back all the horrible things he said. I love you, he kept himself from saying out loud.

And if he stayed he probably would have. But he knew he was not welcome. Hell he wouldn't want him here either. Not after what happened during the incident that might have played a part in Robb's death. Even now, every so often Catelyn Stark took a moment from her grief to stare daggers at him when she didn't think he'd notice. The fact that she kept Bran close to her ever since he arrived was telling enough.

Though he supposed he should be grateful that he could at least see Robb one last time before he was gone forever, buried amongst his ancestors in the Starks' private cemetery. Not even Jon Snow, who was still in custody, was allowed that. His lawyers, the police and Catelyn all thought it best Robb's potential murderer didn't attend his half-brother's funeral.

Sansa, now the heir to the Stark wealth and the one who had invited him for no other reason than courtesy, was busy talking to reporters and wanted guests. Her perfect as usual makeup barely concealing the stress she was under. Rickon was inconsolable and Bran was too though he was better at hiding it. Arya had not even attended the wake out of anger for both her older brothers, believing that Jon was framed and that Robb's death was no incident. She left their house that morning with no more than a note saying she was staying at a friend's, Sansa told him.

Catelyn Stark was just painful to watch. She reminded Theon of his mother when she lost his brothers at sea. She cried far more than when her husband, Ned Stark died a few years back. If tears could bring a person back to life, Robb would be sitting next to her right now wiping it from her aged face.

Unlike Theon she did not hide her pain. She mourned like she and her son were the only two people in the world, and now she was alone. Mrs. Stark and him never got along and they really only tolerated each other for the sake of Robb. So he thought it funny that he found himself relating to her now when her son and his best friend was out of the equation.

Theon Greyjoy left shortly after the ceremony started. He saw Patrek Mallister give him a sympathetic look on the way out. "Hang in there." The Riverlander patted him on the back before going back to where his father was talking to Edmure Tully.

Outside the Starks' sept he hardly found any people in Winterfell. Robb was well loved and respected so even the servants came to pay their respects for Catelyn and her children. It made Theon feel even emptier.

Winterfell could be the warmest haven or the coldest place sometimes. He stared at the window that led to his best friend's bedroom. It still had the cracks from where Theon would throw rocks to get Robb's attention. He must have thrown a hundred stones yet the windows never shattered completely.

Staring at it he could almost imagine his dead friend watching him from the other side of the glass, cold and grim. Like a statue. Theon rubbed his eyes. Though their friendship ended on bad terms, he preferred to remember Robb Stark as he usually was. Kind, stubborn, passionate, loyal. Extremely easy to anger just as he was to smile and laugh.

Only when he was inside his car did he start crying. He turned on the engine and started driving, to where he didn't know. Maybe somewhere with a lot of alcohol and people that could distract him from the cruel reality for a while. Or far where nobody would see him or ever find him. Mostly he just wanted to go where Robb was. To a place where he was safe and waiting for him. And it'd be so easy too. Theon's hands felt light on the steering wheel. All he needed was to close his eyes and let go. It will all be over soon.

"Oh Theon."

He could hear Robb call to him. Did he die already? Strange how painless it felt. "Yes, Robb?" Theon asked.

"Theon!?"

His voice was louder, more panicked. He wondered why. Theon could hear him but he could not sense him. A bump on the road startled Theon into opening his eyes. He found himself back in the car again, with the steering wheel moving on it's own and Robb sitting next to him in the– wait.

"ROBB?"

"THEON THE ROAD!"

-

Sense finally took hold of him. He grabbed the steering wheel just as the car was about to stir towards the woods. What was he doing? Was he seriously about to kill himself? Theon breathed; inhaling and exhaling quickly to get as much air in his lungs simply to feel his organs functioning. Then he breathed slowly and deeply, savoring the fact he was still alive. Unlike a certain someone.

"Are you fucking crazy!?" Robb screamed. His friend, his dead friend who he was secretly in love with screamed at him. Maybe I am, he wanted to answer.

Theon tried to ignore him by gluing his eyes on the road. "What the fuck..." He whispered.

"Believe me I'm as shocked as you are. Can you really see me?"

The ironborn held his tounge. He really needed to see a therapist. Robb always encouraged him but he was too afraid of what his family might think.

When silence filled the car and it seemed that he really must have just imagined the ghost of his best friend, Theon sighed in relief.

"BOO!" Robb's head suddenly popped out of the glove compartment which caused Theon to scream and almost crash into a tree. Now angry, scared, depressed and just overall extremely confused he parked the car on the side of the road next to the tree that nearly killed him.

"Drowned God– Are you TRYING to kill me!?"

"Well you weren't answering my question."

"That's cause I'm trying to grapple the fact I almost killed myself and I'm seeing the ghost of my deceased best friend dipshit!"

Touched, Robb placed his hand on his chest. "You still see me as your best friend?"

"That should not be your sole take away from this Robb!" Theon screamed, briefly forgetting he was talking to a dead man.

"Heh. 'Soul' take away." Robb snorted and Theon tried very hard not to do the same.

"Oh my fucking..." He rubbed his eyelids. "I should've listened when you told me to see that shrink."

"Not that that's gonna help you in this particular situation, but yeah. I did tell you."

Theon refused to acknowledge his hallucination any further.

"This is not real. I am in extreme grief. This is just my body's way of coping..." He reassured himself.

"Hey. Hey. Theon." Robb snapped his fingers to get his attention. Theon covered his ears to block out the sound.

"Fine then! Don't listen to me. See how bloody well that worked out the first time." Robb crossed his arms. "Not like I just saved your life or anything..."

Theon sighed. He supposed the figment of his imagination had a point. If nothing else it was nice hearing the sound of Robb's voice again.

"Fine. You're here. I can see you. And to answer your question from earlier, yes I am crazy. Else wise I wouldn't be seeing you."

"Oh Theon. That is like the least craziest thing you have going for you right now."

"Obviously my own hallucination wouldn't tell me I'm crazy."

"I'm not a hallucination. I'm the real Robb."

Theon squinted at him for a few seconds then snorted. "Yeah. Right."

"What? I am!"

"Ghosts aren't real."

He scoffed. "Well apparently they are. Don't believe me? Ask me something only I would know."

"Then how would I know you're lying?"

"By the gods do I have to tell you how to do everything? Look, there's a bird behind you and I'm going to say– don't look at it idiot!"

"You just said to look!"

"Not until I told you the name of it!"

"Should've been more clear then huh."

Robb sighed. Theon did not question how he was still able to do that. "Why couldn't it have been Jon or mother that could see me? Why did it have to be the prick that left my brother stranded in the woods."

Ouch. Even fake Robb hated him.

"Let's say you are a ghost, I'm... really sorry about Bran. I– I don't really have much of an excuse. You were right I am stupid. And a coward. I shouldn't have left."

"You want to apologize? Then do so by listening to me! My death was not an accident. Jon did not kill me, Tywin Lannister had him framed to get rid of us both. We weren't even driving home! We were going to take the bus until someone kidnapped us."

"What? Why would he do that?"

"Because he's a cunt Theon! Tywin Lannister is a soggy cunt that's going to get my brother imprisoned for life and I need you to help me stop it."

"I am... so confused."