#an evil bird sorcerer guy

[localsimpissleepy]

Sharing my found family hc that I thought of today on here aswell lol

[wisteria-lodge]

In Harry Potter and Malfoy's Suspicious New Interest, Draco mentions that Lucius has a raven named Orgoglio. That is a very charming and whimsical name. Did Lucius choose it, or did Narcissa? And why Orgoglio? Is there a particular reason why you chose this name? Is it a nod to Lucius being a wife guy and his lovely “Faerie Queene” Narcissa? Or is it more of a “sophisticated man chooses sophisticated pet name” sort of manner?

What a charming ask. You absolutely picked up on an indulgent little detail that I mostly just dropped in there for myself. :D But now I get to talk about it!

In my head, Lucius is 100% a Bird Guy. Those are his peacocks. And if you have so many birds, well then of course you're going to need to name them, and you're going to need a naming *theme.* So yes, all of Lucius' birds are named after characters from The Faerie Queene. They have been ever since he named the first owl he took away to Hogwarts Archimago (after the evil sorcerer character.)

And from Lucius' perspective... it's a family history joke. I actually like the little Pottermore detail that Lucius Malfoy I, Lucius' namesake, worked very hard to marry Queen Elizabeth I. I think that Lucius (present day) would both think that that was kind of cool, and kind of funny. The Faerie Queene was written for and about Queen Elizabeth I, and I bet the first Lucius had some kind of opinion about it. So Lucius' birds are his way of forming this positive connection with his family/legacy, because I do *not* think he had a good relationship with his father, and my vibe on his mother is that she died kinda young, and Lucius legitimately to this day doesn't know exactly what happened there.

We know from Sirius' tropical birds that non-owls can deliver letters, and Lucius would obviously be *all* over that. So of course he'd have a raven, and of course he'd name it after one of the poem's villains. Also, all the Faerie Queene characters do have these very fun, very whimsical names that just kind of fit the vibe.

[octahedral-chaos]

Okay so have a new oc concept

Basically stellumculus (Starfolk homunculus) was created by an alchemist/ mage who was curious to see what would happen if he used the strange orange and blue liquids he acquired (Which is starfolk essence) from a spell ingredients stall or something.

This resulted in the formation of this lil guy: Starfolk with bat wings instead of arms, a long tail and jerboa-like legs ending in bird talons. A crown of small horns on their head, large ears and soft downy fur cemented that this thing was something completely alien to the Alchemist.

Despite this, the Alchemist loved them all the same.

However, one day, the entire town got wiped out by an evil sorcerer, including the alchemist, leaving the poor being to fend for themselves. Worse yet, they got captured and is trapped in a cage at the top of evil sorcerer's lair.

They eventually managed to escape... and now it's time to survive the tower and get out.

[buzzlightyearmpreg]

NOW i may be drunk butjjk is actually so well written like everyone (that i can think off rn) who has a ct or fighting style complements them so good. pls feel free to add, critique or do anything to this id love jt

⚠️⚠️JJK MANGA SPOILERS BELOW⚠️⚠️

starting with this, the new sorcerers of today having ct’s complementing and supporting their personalities might be proof of this, including junpei who was a “man made” sorcerer

gojo is obvious with his infinity symbolising his strength, separating him from both those closest to him and everyone around him (some by his own doing after his bf dumped him infront of kfc loser shoko has been there 24/7). this was the biggest learning moment for him, noticing the signs after everything went wrong and using it to protect the youth and innocence of sorcerers of today

geto had to consume “evil” on a daily. his mental health rapidly declining with his hope and the increase of cursed spirits he had to exorcise and consume, over and over until he broke. after freeing himself of the burden of protecting the weak non-sorcerers unknowing, unthankful and also undeserving, defending into darkness (which started with toji folding him like a lawnchair) he lost everything and gained everything with nanako and mimiko, two children suffering at the hands of those who he spent EVERYTHING protecting, solidifying his plan of speeding up natural selection to build a world without darkness where children like them can thrive and live happily

itadori was thrown into the world of sorcerers r doomed to consume sukuna (ironic bc of my sukuna bit later) and die, his divergent fist is mostly reliant on his own pure strength alone and how his body adapts and gets stronger after every gruelling battle

nobara has an inherited technique from her grandmother that she’s sorta revamped for the modern era? coming from the country side (older) to the big city (newer) looking to explore have fun and grow - esp with her resonance targeting the soul, her black flash and getting stronger as a sorcerer

megumi’s holds his shikigami incredibly close to him, even getting sad when one has died and left just like his parents. they’re also made using shadows (darkness) as a medium, foreshadowing sukuna using darkness to smother him to use and “consume” him for his own gain

nanami is a straightforward guy who voices his ideals, who split his path into 2 pieces and went for the lesser evil to him (business where he uses his skill to fuck people’s stocks over for money for already super rich people, or being a sorcerer and using his skill to help and protect others, especially children like when he left due to haibara’s death and came back after helping a kind person like him working at that bakery). this makes gojo hold him in high regard as he sees the potential of youth and wishes to protect their innocence until their ready, to guide them and help them grow slowly so they can handle the mental toll of being a sorcerer

mei mei and her manipulation of youth is the opposite of nanami, the protector of youth. she doesn’t just see through her crows, she controls them at the cost of their own lives with bird strike (where she makes them give up their lives in a binding vow for a hideously strong attack). she does the same with everyone and everything around her, choosing who she sides with being the best “gain” for her. she also uses uiui in the same way who can only use jujutsu when she allows due to a binding vow (someone get him therapy i beg)

mechamaru is similar, he observed and bided his time to get what he so desperately needed while also protecting those closest to him using his puppets as spies. he both invaded the privacy of those closest (miwa and copying her simple domain) and furthest (mahito and pseudo geto’s strengths and weaknesses) all to protect those he loved

choso/kamo both have blood manipulation, hating their fathers/family who use blood relatives for their own gain, and holding their mothers (and siblings for choso) to the highest standard possible becoming stronger for them and them alone

toji and maki are both beings who escaped their fate, their downfall with the zenin clan (and makis bad omen as a twin) and free to affect fate with their own actions at no cost (toji breaking fate, of the 6 eyes user and star plasma vessel during tengens merger)

sukuna and his ego consumes everything around him to get stronger, shown by his chef like ct cutting and dismembering anything to bite sized pieces to grow stronger and have fun. this also supports the theory of him being a conjoint twin, either being or “consuming” the twin with a heavenly restriction improving their physical capabilities to the point he has. ironically yuuji’s fate was to consume him and die taking him to the grave completely.

kenjaku is similar, he uses everything and does anything for his plans which are ultimately to fulfill his own curiosity. highjacking the bodies of people useful to him and using it to hurt those closest while also carefully and patiently waiting out every move and persons he’s manipulated using his time by switching bodies and avoiding death to do so with no consequence

ok this might be the end but KNOW i will be adding onto this everytime i think of something new

[10-4ward]

I suspect this problem comes from the common view of the plot-filler divide as a binary (or even as a scale) when you can have a scene that is both fully plot AND fully filler.

What we call "filler" is usually essential character development. This is the stuff that makes the plot meaningful, because it's what makes us actually care about the outcome. We care that they save the world from the evil sorcerer because we've actually SEEN the world. We care that the good guys live because we've gotten to know their goals and hobbies and what they stand to lose and gain.

So obviously cutting out "filler" makes the plot meaningless. Because that filler is why we care.

Of course, the other extreme is just as bad: having exclusively filler with no plot does not create an engaging popular novel. (Yes, there ARE some genres (like some fanfiction) that do allow for filler-only stories; but they're much less common. There are also some genres that allow for plot-only stories, they're less common too.)

My favorite way to handle it, as both a writer and reader, is to slide the filler into the plot scenes. Have them talk to the wizard about the quest while playing magic beer pong in the local tavern. Have the characters looking around and noticing the local birds and scenery for a page or so, then get interrupted by the next challenge. Then you're getting the filler you need to round out the story's emotional core, while also moving the plot forward at the pace your story needs.

Working on my novel and couldn’t figure out why it felt so empty. I didn’t have any filler. It was all 100% plot. The characters only interacted when necessary. I didn’t prattle on about the scenery or how the birds sounded. I had all my fuller stuff that I loved saved in another file because I “didn’t need it”.

Y’all, I knew this existed in TV shows but it didn’t hit me until this that everything is being whittled down. We are so starving for filler that we snap up anything. I unload all mine on Tumblr or keep it in a massive Google Docs. It SUCKS.

Honestly? Death to plot necessity. Revive filler. Revive unnecessary interactions. Revive just vibing with characters sometimes. I don’t want to just consume the plot and I don’t want to just create the plot either.

[theautisticbarbie]

A Bird of Praise

Act II

Chapter V: Foreign Memories

Previous Chapter

Next Chapter

Word count: 7,599 (another long one I know)

Chapter Summary: Tara’s clumsy little mishap sets off a neurological cascade, the likes of which is unprecedented to her. The identity of the Mullet Man is revealed, changing Tara’s perspective of her childhood bully. When she finds out Dustin stole library books, she gets more than what she bargained for when she tries to replace them to keep him out of trouble. Tara gets a glimpse into Billy’s home life.

Warnings: abuse (Neil being a dick to Billy), mentions of suicide (Tara discussing the plot of Swan Lake to Max), smut (p in v, car sex, fingering), threats of murder-suicide (Billy seriously needs help lmao), mentions of past bullying, mentions of medical trauma and phobia of hospitals

Tara huffed in frustration when she suddenly felt overwhelmingly nauseous. She barely made it to the bathroom before she started puking her brains out.

Her head was in the toilet for what had to be a solid 10 minutes just straight vomiting. She didn’t bother closing the stall door, so a gaggle of middle school girls were staring at her as she continued. When she finally got a reprieve from her nausea, she heard a familiar voice.

“Tara? What are you doing here?” Max asked, having pushed past the others.

Once she realised Max saw everything, she tried to quickly compose herself.

“So,” she started gently while flushing the toilet, “the powers that be have delegated me to get you out of your brother’s hair, so I propose that we go to the arcade, maybe grab some junk food… I DO have a quick errand to run first, but do you think you can wait in the car while I do that if I stop by Burger King on the way?”

Max looked at her before sighing. Something clearly had her upset. “Fine,” she said walking ahead of her.

Tara definitely wasn’t expecting that so it took her by surprise.

“Come on!” Max urged.

Once they got in the car, Swan Lake was quietly over the radio.

“What’s up with the Beethoven?” Max finally asked?

“It’s not Beethoven. It’s Tchaikovsky. Swan Lake. You know that story?”

“No?”

“It’s about a princess named Odette who gets turned into a swan by an evil sorcerer named Rothbart. The spell can only be broken by a declaration of true love. One day, she meets a prince named Siegfried—“

“Let me guess. He falls madly in love with her, gives her true loves kiss or whatever and he kills Rothbart, vanquishing the big bad and the two get married and live happily ever after.”

“Actually, Rothbart enchants his daughter, Odile, to look like Odette, thereby tricking Siegfried into vowing to love her. Odette is so heartbroken by his betrayal that she drowns herself, and Siegfried is so devastated by the prospect of living without her that he follows.”

“Ooooookay…”

Max paused, looking for the right words.

“But that’s stupid! Why would she kill herself? Because some guy went off with another girl? That’s stupid! Why not just find another prince?”

“Maybe it hurt her so deeply that she thought he loved him and they shared such a deep connection that he couldn’t even tell her apart from what, for all intents and purposes, was a cheap parlour trick.”

“Then screw him! Guys like that aren’t worth anything!”

“That’s easy to say from an outside perspective, but imagine being treated like an absolute treasure for about a week or so and then suddenly it’s gone.”

“Well, then that just means he never actually treasured you to begin with. He just wanted to get in your pants.”

Tara let out a sigh, but felt vindicated in what Max was saying. “I guess in that case Odette should have just moved on.”

Tara pulled up to the police station, leaving Max in the car with her food.

“I’ll just be a few minutes and then we can go absolutely nuts at the arcade.”

Tara anxiously waited for the secretary to call her back. She looked over and noticed that Hopper was not in his office at the moment. He must have been on duty. Still, she wondered how the case would be handled in his absence. This might be a time when she would have flashbacks, but none came. Since the assault, she’s felt strangely cut off from that side of herself.

“Tara?”

She looked up to see a secretary with a stack of papers.

“In the office, please.”

Tara followed inside.

“Have a seat.”

Tara sat and the stack of papers was placed in front of her.

“Read that through, make sure it’s accurate and sign for me, please.”

There it was. The police report naming Jason Carver as her assailant.

All Tara had to do was sign off on it and it will be sent to the DA to decide to prosecute.

She took a deep breath, signed the paper work and set down the pen. “Is that it? Is he going to jail now?”

“That’s for the DA, judge and jury to decide. In the mean time, you’ve done your part. Best thing to do is take your mind off it until we need you again for witness testimony.”

“When will he be arrested?”

“Again, that’s for the DA to decide.”

Tara came out to the car and slammed the door behind her before speeding out of the parking lot and subsequently slowing to a normal speed.

“What’s your problem?” Max asked.

“Me? Nothing! I’m completely fine!” Tara insisted.

When they got back to Tara’s place, the sun had just gone over. Billy’s car was nowhere to be found. He must have been out. “We’ll wait here until Neil and Susan get home to let you in.” because even though Billy had a key to her place, there was no way in hell she was getting one to his.

When they got in, they saw that Daniel was hosting Hellfire club at their place. That was odd. She knew that their dance rehearsals and pre-production of Nutcracker often displaced Hellfire club since it was held in the drama room, but Daniel said that Gareth always hosted during those times.

“Knock knock,” Tara poked her head into the dining room. “What’s going on?”

“We had to host here because Gareth’s mom has company,” Daniel quickly explained. “Now, go away! We’re in the middle of a boss fight!”

“Yeesh! All right! Max, I guess you and I can find something to do elsewhere in the house. I have movies in the den. Or we can just watch TV. Want something to drink? I’ve got soda, kool-aid, tea, you name it.”

The two settled on hot chocolates. Once they got into the den, the phone rang.

“Newman residence!” Tara answered.

“Hey, girl! It’s Alanna. I just wanted to see if I could get a ride from you to the theatre on Saturday.”

Right. Tara had forgotten. The team’s show of “Giselle” was selected for final selections for the Midwestern Dance Grant. Final competitors would be showcasing their performances at the Rialto Theatre in Chicago. It was like a 3 hour drive and because it was on a Saturday, there wouldn’t be any school busses.

“Yeah! I’ll come pick you up at say 8?”

“Sounds good! Thanks chica!”

Click.

“Who was that?” Max asked curiously.

“Oh that was just my friend Alanna asking for a ride. We’re doing our performance of Giselle again this weekend.”

“What’s that one about?” she asked, picking the marshmallows off of the whipped cream to snack on them first.

Tara gauged Max’s face to see that it was genuine curiosity. “Well, it’s about a peasant girl in the Middle Ages named Giselle. She lives in the Rhineland with her mother and a hunter named Hilarion who she thinks of like a brother. They’re very protective of her because of her weak heart.”

“So she’s basically you,” Max teased.

“Max,” Tara whined, playfully tapping her arm, eliciting laughter from them both.

“Anyway, a prince named Albrecht visits Giselle’s village in disguise as a peasant named Loys. Albrecht flirts with Giselle and because of her sheltered life, she takes his advances seriously and they spend the day together. What she doesn’t know is that Albrecht is already engaged to a princess named Bathilde.”

“What? No way!”

“Yes way, Max. Two-timing is not a new thing. Anyway, when Giselle finds out, she goes insane and dies of a broken heart.”

“Let me guess. This Prince Albert guy feels so guilty about essentially killing her that he tries to put her spirit to rest or something?”

“You’re getting good at this. Prince ALBRECHT does indeed visit her grave. But after Giselle dies, he ends up with a bigger problem. The Willis.”

“The Willis?” Max asked, trying to see if she if she heard that correctly.

“They’re the vengeful spirits of women who are betrayed by their lovers. In the night, their spirits rise from the grave, led by Queen Myrtha, and they find men who have fatally wronged women and force them to dance to death. And now they’ve decided to target Albrecht for his actions.”

“Shut up!” Max exclaimed in shock, accidentally knocking over and spilling her drink. “Shit!”

“It’s okay! I’ve got it!”

“I’m so sorry!” Max said, nervously, as though she was fearful of retribution.

“It’s okay! Accidents happen! We’ll just clean it up and get you another one! No biggie!”

Tara went upstairs and to grab the cleaning supplies from the utility closet before hearing a knock on the doorframe.

“Dm decided to take a snack break.” Daniel said. “You maybe wanna tell me why you were gone for hours and come back with your boyfriend’s 13 year old sister?”

“I was just getting her out of his hair,” she said, still trying to figure out how to gently tell everyone that they were no longer a couple.

“Right.”

“Can I tell you something kind of weird and off topic?” Tara asked.

“Fine. Shoot.”

“Ever since Tina’s Halloween party, I feel cut off.”

Tara took a breath. “Let me explain. I went to Tina’s part, came back, and had one nightmare about the New Belgium Lab, and then there was this grandfather clock, I woke up and I was cut off from everything. I can’t use my powers, no flashbacks and I haven’t been able to search the mirror realm.”

“Why would you be searching the mirror realm?” Daniel asked after taking a beat.

Pause.

“I was looking for Barb…” Tara said after careful deliberation. “I figured if Will was found, Barb still can be, too!”

“Tara, maybe you should let the police deal with this one.”

“They already decided she ran away, but you and I both know that’s not true! She HAS to be in the mirror realm! That’s where I last saw her!”

“Tara, you’re starting to ask questions that I know for a fact you won’t want the answer to!”

“How do you know that? You know where she is now?”

“Yes!”

“Oh yeah? Where is she?”

“SHE’S DEAD! I found her and she died in my arms after we found the mirror realm for the first time!”

Daniel took a breath and sobbed. “At first I didn’t think it was real. I convinced myself it was some kind of mirage… but it’s real and she’s gone… okay? She’s gone. She’s not coming back.”

There was a very long silence that hung in the air. “Well, don’t just look at me like that! Say something!” Daniel pleaded.

Tara was looking with a blank expression.

“Tara?”

“Breathe. Sunflower. Three to the right. Four to the left. Rainbow. 450.”

“Tara what the hell are you saying?”

“Breathe. Sunflower. Three to the right. Four to the left. Rainbow. 450.”

“Tara!”

“Breathe—“

“TARA!”

Suddenly, Tara jolted out of her reverie, wiping blood from her upper lip.

“What the hell was that?”

“What was what?” Tara asked, dazed and confused.

“You just kind of… never mind…”

“Kind of what?”

“It’s fine.” Daniel said going back downstairs.

“Daniel, wait!” Tara hastily washed her face in the bathroom and went down in pursuit of her brother.

Once she got down, she quite literally bumped face first into mullet man.

“Oh! I’m sorry!” Tara said.

“Nah, no worries!” he laughed it off.

“I’m sorry, but I’m gonna feel really rude if I just call you Mullet Man, so would you mind telling me your name?”

“Wow. You really don’t remember me, do you?”

Tara shot a look on confusion. Truthfully, yes, he looked vaguely familiar, but because she couldn’t put her finger on it, she just presumed he had one of those faces.

“I thought you were just drunk at Tina’s party but no, you really forgot about me, huh?”

“Have we met before?” she asked.

“Tara, it’s me! Eddie!”

Just then, it clicked. “Eddie? Eddie Munson? Wait! You have hair now!”

“I do have hair now! And tats!” he said gesturing to the ink on his body.

“Wow! They look great!” Tara said, admiring the art work.

“You look great, too,” Eddie said off to the side, only to be drowned out by the roar of what was unmistakably Billy’s Camaro.

“I don’t think that was loud enough,” he said sarcastically.

Tara offered a weak chuckle in response when they were both interrupted by her brother poking his head in.

“Hey Tara. Your dumbass boyfriend is here.”

“Oh, well, I guess I better see to that.”

Tara went to see Billy in the living room standing by the open door. “I’ll go get Max. You can leave the spare key on the—“

Billy slammed her against the wall, hand wrapped around her neck, squeezing and leaned in so they were nose to nose.

“I’m only gonna say this once,” he said, his voice only barely above a whisper, “it’s not over until I say it’s over. Nobody leaves me. You leave me, it’s gonna be in a body bag.”

“Billy! I can’t breathe!” Tara pleaded, voice strangled. “Let me go!”

“Say it.”

“Say what?”

“That you aren’t gonna leave me.”

“Billy… please… have mercy…”

“Say it.”

“I’m not gonna leave you…”

“Louder.”

“I’m not gonna leave you…”

“I still can’t hear you. You’re gonna have to speak up, doll face.” he mocked, squeezing harder on her neck.

“I’ll stay! I’m not gonna leave you!” Tara forced out, desperate for any form of relief.

That seemed to satisfy him and he let her throat go.

Tara took a deep gasp, coughing for air as she collapsed to the ground.

“Get your shit, Max. We’re leaving,” he called.

Tears poured out of Tara’s eyes as she pathetically laid on the floor, still trying to catch her breath.

Billy kneeled to her side, grabbing her chin. “By the time I get that little shit back home, you better be in the car.”

“Wait…” Tara started, still catching her breath. “Where are we even going?”

“You’ll find out, when we get there.”

“Billy, we have school tomorrow!”

“And the more you argue with me, the further your bedtime is going to be.”

Billy banged his fist on the doorway. “Sometime today, shit-for-brains!”

“I’m coming!” Max said, walking straight past Tara to Billy.

“Don’t even think about making me wait.”Billy took Max by the arm roughly and slammed the door behind them.

Tara took a breath and walked over to the coat closet. She hated it when Billy did that. Was it not bad enough that he habitually punched holes into her wall? She turned to Eddie, trying to gauge if he overheard any of Billy’s violence. “I have to go.”

“Are you in a hurry or do you have a second?” asked Eddie.

“Why? What’s going on?”

“I uhhhh,” Eddie nervously rubbed the back of his head. “I wanted to apologise for what a shithead I used to be.”

Tara genuinely wasn’t expecting that. She had always been told that after a certain amount of time has passed, it’s supposed to be forgotten about and you’re supposed to move on.

“I grew up in an emotionally unstable environment and I ended up internalising my trauma and unknowingly transferred it onto my peers in the form of unchecked rage and aggression. It also took my uncle a while to understand that getting me away from my dad wasn’t enough. I still harboured those negative emotions, and then I had feelings for you and had absolutely no idea what to do or how to express them in a way that was healthy. I saw how my dad treated my mom in my formative years and ended up thinking that was normal.”

“Feelings?” Tara asked. “What kind of feelings?”

Eddie’s breath caught in his throat. “Uh… well… you know…”

“YOU’D BETTER BE READY, BITCH!”

“Oh! I gotta go! I have a performance on Saturday at the Rialto Theatre at 4, but I guess we can talk tomorrow if we run into each-other at school?”

“The Rialto Theatre? As in the one in Chicago?”

“Yup! That’s the one! Our ballet performance might get the school a decent size grant.”

“COME ON!”

“I have to go! We’ll talk tomorrow!”

Tara literally ran out of the door.

As she sped to the Camaro, Billy practically shoved her in and slammed the door before getting in the driver’s side and speeding off.

“Can you at least tell me where we’re going?”

“Like I said, you’ll find out when we get there.”

Tara looked out the window, unsure if she was even going to get back home. She let out a heavy sigh, trying to gauge the direction.

When the car came to a screeching halt, it was at Lover’s Lake. Tara suddenly remembered his previous threats.

“Billy,” Tara started, nervously. “You don’t have to hurt me. We can talk this out.”

“We already did that, sweetheart. Remember?”

“And I said I wasn’t gonna leave you, right?”

“Exactly. So get in the back.”

Tara had only had sex with Billy in the back of his car a few times and every single one made her feel very claustrophobic and uncomfortable. Besides that…

“Didn’t you leave school with another girl today already?”

“I did, and the bitch gave me blue balls. Which, as my girlfriend, is your job to fix. So get your ass in the back.”

Tara crossed her arms indignantly. “I do not exist to serve as your personal—“

“I’m not gonna say it again.”

Tara sighed, getting in the back. Billy followed, laying her down on the back seat before tearing off the bottom half of her clothing. He undid his pants, allowing his cock to spring free. It twitched while he reached for something in his back pocket.

“A condom?” Tara asked in confusion.

“Your mom decided to get in my ass about it. So now you can tell her that I followed her little rule,” he said, opening the packet.

Once he rolled in on, he pulled up her shirt, exposing her breasts.

“I love these fun bags,” he said, groping them roughly. He sucked both nipples hard before giving each one a gentle bite, making Tara moan.

He lined himself up with her entrance. “Who’s my little sex slave?”

“I am,” Tara replied meekly.

“Yes. You are.” Billy penetrated her as hard as he could, gasping. “Fucking Christ that’s tight!” He thrusted hard, making his car rock. “So tight! You’ve been keeping it nice and tight for me! Fuck!” He kept thrusting as the windows and windshield began to fog up.

“Billy,” Tara moaned out, “at least tell me that you love me…” she whined.

Billy leaned down and kissed her. His tongue wrestled with hers for dominance, ultimately winning. He kissed down her neck, fanning her throat with husky moans.

“God… Tara… I’m gonna…” Billy threw his head back and rode out his orgasm, thrusting hard. Once he was spent, he collapsed beside her, catching his breath.

“Was it good for you, too, gorgeous?”

“Billy, do you love me or not?”

He got up, pulled the condom off and tossed it onto the ground.

“That’s disgusting! Throw that away!”

“Not my issue,” Billy said, getting back into the driver’s seat.

Tara got into the passenger’s seat, still keen on pressing the issue. “I asked you a question.”

“A stupid question,” Billy put the car in drive and sped off.

“It’s a perfectly legitimate question and it has a yes or no answer!” Tara said indignantly.

“An obvious answer, so why would I waste my time?”

“Actually, your actions don’t make it seem very obvious.”

Billy slammed his fist onto the steering wheel and the car began accelerating towards a speed that was definitely not safe at all, not that he really drove at a safe and prudent speed to begin with. “Yes! Okay! I love you! Are you happy, you psycho bitch? You wore me down! Congratulations!”

“Why are you screaming at me?”

“BECAUSE YOU MAKE ME FUCKING CRAZY!”

“Because I wanted to know whether you actually love me or not?”

“Because you always expect me to grovel for you!”

“How is that grovelling?”

“Don’t play dumb with me, you fucking bitch!”

The entire outside of the car was a blur.

“Slow down! You’re gonna kill us both!”

“Maybe I should, huh? Maybe that’s the only way I’ll finally have some peace away from your constant bullshit!”

“BILLY! PLEASE STOP! I DON’T WANNA DIE!”

“That’s too bad, bitch!”

“PLEASE BILLY! I LOVE YOU! I’LL STAY! I WON’T EVER EVEN THINK ABOUT LEAVING YOU!”

The car came to a screeching halt in front of their respective houses. Billy erupted in laughter, as if this was a sick joke to him.

“You should have seen the look on your fucking face!”

Billy mocked her terrified expression before doubling over in laughter, slapping his hand on the steering wheel while catching his breath.

“Oh my god, that was priceless,” he said, collecting himself. “You really thought I was gonna crash my baby and kill myself. As if the world would go on without this handsome mug.”

Tara looked like she was ready to strangle Billy.

“Look,” he offered, “I would never do anything to hurt you. You’re my girl. I love you, okay?” he asked, stroking her face.

The fact that Billy went from a raging psychopath to gentle and sweet in the blink of an eye terrified Tara, so she decided to placate him to lessen the blows.

“Okay, I love you, too,” Tara replied.

Billy took the thumb that was stroking her face and inserted it into her mouth.

Tara sucked obediently, eliciting a smirk from Billy, who took his thumb out of her mouth, slid it into her panties, and rubbed gentle circles on her clit.

“I miss feeling you cum, babe.”

He continued his ministrations while leaning over and placing open mouth kisses on her face. Tara let his tongue in while his hand continued.

“You gonna be a good girl now?”

“Mhm,” Tara hummed between kisses.

Tara began palming the forming bulge in his jeans. She was so lost in the passion that neither of them saw the front door to Billy’s house open.

“Billy, get your ass in the house!”

Billy instantly popped off of Tara and for a split second, she could see what looked like genuine fear in his eyes. But just as quickly as she saw it, it was gone.

The two looked over to see Neil standing in the doorway, and he did not look pleased at all.

“Looks like we’ll have to continue this some other time, sweet cheeks,” Billy said, licking the juices off of his thumb.

“I said get your ass in this house!”

“I heard you, you prick!”

Billy got out of the car, slamming the door behind him before letting Tara out of the passenger’s seat, locking the doors and rushing into his house.

Neil shot Tara what was unmistakably a contemptuous look before slamming the door.

She sighed, walking back to her own door before entering the house to see that the DnD game was still going strong.

“Dude!” Jeff called. “We totally used the roar from your boyfriend’s car to start off the final boss fight!”

“Well,” Tara said, weakly letting out an amused chuckle. “Glad we could provide good ambience.”

Tara sighed. “I’m gonna go to bed. I have to be up early. Enjoy your game!”

Tara went upstairs to get ready for bed. While changing into her nightgown, Tara heard arguing from across the street. Truthfully, she had always heard this, but always assumed that Billy was the aggressor.

Then again, she never really got to know his parents. She’s had the occasional passing conversation with Susan, who seemed nice enough, but whenever she tried to greet or say hello to Neil, he was always in a bad mood.

Once she was ready, she crawled into bed before opening her music box and drifting off.

Once the campaign finished for the night and Hellfire Club tidied up, Eddie cracked his knuckles. “Welp, I gotta take a piss and drive these other little shits home,” he said referring to Jeff and Gareth.

“Bathroom’s upstairs.” Daniel said.

“Thanks, man.”

After relieving himself, Eddie heard the music box coming from Tara’s room and decided to peek his head in.

He saw Tara sleeping peacefully beside a nightlight with the music box on the nightstand.

He looked around her room to see stuffed animals, fairy tale books, her television, Betamax player and VCR, and of course her walls were painted pink with flowers and unicorns. That’s when he noticed the holes in the wall. He decided to inspect them closely and realised that they were punched in. The same way the walls in his father’s house looked. He kept his steps feather light as he overheard the fighting across the street that was STILL going strong.

The next morning, when Tara went down for breakfast, she saw a note on the coffee table.

It had Eddie’s number and read:

Here if you ever need to talk

-Eddie

Tara felt a persistent sense of uneasiness while she ate, but couldn’t pinpoint where exactly it was coming from.

Suddenly Billy walked through the door leaving Tara to quickly scarf down her breakfast as he walked into the kitchen.

“Seriously? You’re still eating?” he asked.

“Nope! I’m done!” Tara said, quickly standing up.

“So fucking disgusting,” he said to himself as Tara followed him.

The ride to school was quiet. Tara decided it was better to not say or do anything that might conceivably rub Billy the wrong way.

It was Max who broke the awkward silence. “So what’s ‘The Nutcracker’ about?”

Tara turned to Max. “Hmm?”

“I saw a poster just outside of the AV room.”

“Oh! That! That’s our team’s Christmas production! It’s about a girl named Clara who—“

The car swerved hard, causing Tara to hit the passenger side window hard. “Ouch!” she cried out.

“Jesus Christ, Billy!” Max yelled indignantly.

“Sorry!” Billy said insincerely. “Almost hit a deer!”

“There are no deer here!” Tara said.

“My mistake,” he smirked.

Once the car pulled up to the school, Max grabbed her skateboard and headed up to the middle school campus.

“Have a good day at school!” Tara called.

When she went to head to first period, Billy grabbed her arm.

“Do me a favour and stop acting like Max is your little buddy now.”

“Excuse me?”

“You heard me. You’re embarrassing us both.”

Billy grabbed her arm, pulling her by the wrist and leading her to class. Every day it was like this. He was marking his territory. It was clear to everyone not to go near Billy Hargrove’s girl unless you had a funeral plot ready to go.

“If I embarrass you so much, then why are you even with me?”

“Because you need me, Dollface.”

“I need you? That’s a hoot because since we started dating, I haven’t been able to eat or sleep, my grades have gone down, I’m in constant pain, and dancing with my partners gives me crippling anxiety because I’m absolutely terrified that you’re gonna bust in at any moment and go bonkers! So, exactly what is it that you’re doing for me?”

“Oh, so I guess I’m a terrible boyfriend, now?”

“I never said that…”

“Well, you’re acting like it. Why don’t you show me a little more gratitude, huh? I drive your fat ass to school and back home, I listen to your dumbass stories and watch these dumbass kids movies with you, and all I ask from you is a little bit of effort. And all you ever do is bitch, complain and cry.”

“You sleep with other girls…” Tara said with tears welling up in her eyes.

“Yeah, I do. I have needs.”

The bell rings.

“You NEED to get to class,” Tara retorted.

First period started off rough. Not just with the argument, but with the fact that once again, Nancy was missing.

“Psst! Summer! Have you seen Nancy?” Tara hissed.

“No,” she answered.

Great. She was gonna miss first period again.

When class ended, Mr. Washington handed her a stack of papers. “What are these?” Tara asked in confusion, examining them.

“Those are Miss Wheeler’s assignments for the past couple of days. I know you won’t mind making sure she gets them.”

“Not at all,” Tara said, gritting her teeth.

Thankfully, once ballet class rolled around, things began to turn around. Ms. McIntyre was back, but the gas leak still had yet to be resolved. Like yesterday, the first half of class was on the blacktop and the second half was in the gymnasium, which they had to share with the basketball boys.

Billy was once again being a jerk to Steve.

“Dirtbag,” Tara mumbled to herself.

The team was rehearsing Giselle for the competition. Things were going okay until the Grand Pas Des Deus, when Billy started giving Spencer a hardcore death glare.

As he hoisted Tara into the air, a basketball came flying into his face.

“Ow! Christ!” he said, grabbing his face, dropping Tara on the floor.

“My bad!” Billy called, not feeling one iota of guilt over what he just did.

“Mr. Hargrove, I’ll thank you to keep your balls away from my dancers!”

“Well, Ms. McIntyre, that’s gonna be a challenge considering one of them is my girlfriend!” he retorted, busting into a fit of laughter.

Tara buried her face in her hands. Billy behaves like this all time as a way of marking his territory but she was the one who embarrassed him?

Once class ended, she was eager to be out of there.

“I’ll see you back here after school for rehearsal!” Ms. McIntyre called.

Oh crap. Rehearsal. There was no way Billy was gonna wait for her for that. Fantastic. Way to paint herself into a corner.

Third period came and it was thankfully uneventful… at least until Martin Tanner decided to spit on Tara’s desk.

“Tanner, did you just spit on my girlfriend’s desk?” Billy asked with an amused chuckle.

Tara, who had been mostly checked out with anxiety of wondering what might have happened to Nancy or Jonathan since he was also nowhere to be found, was brought back to reality upon hearing that.

Sure enough, there was the lob of spit on her desk.

“Gross!” she cried out.

“What is going on here?” Mrs. Kingsford asked.

“He spit on my desk! I’m immunocompromised! You know this! He could have killed me!”

“Mr. Tanner,” Mrs. Kingsford started with an annoyed sigh, “can you please refrain from this sort of behaviour. You know it upsets Miss Newman.”

“Shouldn’t people like that be left to die?” Kenzie asked. “You know, people who have to have their asses wiped?”

Tara got up and walked out.

When lunch rolled around and Tara saw hide nor hair of either Nancy or Jonathan, she began to seriously panic.

“What’s got your panties in a twist, doll?” Billy asked.

“I haven’t seen Nancy anywhere! This isn’t like her at all!”

“Oh you didn’t hear, Dollface?”

“Hear what, Billy?”

“Wheeler and Byers skipped. They ditched yesterday after lunch and haven’t been seen since.”

“That’s not like them! Jonathan, maybe. But Nancy? Why would she do that?”

“Maybe she got sick of you following her around like a lost puppy.”

Tara bolted off.

“Hey! Don’t you walk away from me!” Billy yelled in pursuit.

Once she found a utility closet, she grabbed Billy, dragged him in and closed the door.

“You could have just said that you wanted some alone time, princess,” he said smugly.

“Billy, what I’m about to tell you absolutely can not leave this room!”

“We’re about to do plenty of things that can’t leave this room,” he said, beginning to grope her.

“I’m dead serious! If this gets out, someone will come after you and someone will DEFINITELY come after Max!”

“Who’s ‘someone’?” Billy asked, lighting a cigarette with no regard to the fact that he could absolutely start a fire in such a close space.

“Goons.”

“Goons?”

“Goons. From the lab?”

Billy only quirked a brow in response.

“The men in black, Billy!”

Billy almost choked on his cigarette trying not to laugh.

“You think aliens took Nancy and Jonathan?”

“That’s not what I said! Obviously, aliens don’t exist!”

“What else would ‘men in black’ possibly refer to?”

“If you’d pay attention, I’ll tell you!”

Billy and Tara were now officially 13 minutes late to 4th period.

“So let me get this straight. You got really sick when you were 14, had to go to the hospital, have almost no memory of your stay there or how you got back home, and you think that this is somehow connected to Holland and Byers’ brother going missing?”

“I know it does! They tried to say Will was dead! And Barb… My point is that Nancy and Jonathan are in big trouble if their reason for being gone has anything to do with that.”

“What do Wheeler or Byers or any of the shit that happened in this shithole town have to do with you going to the hospital? What’s wrong with you? You got some kinda Lex Luthor shit going on or something?”

“Like I already said, for your own good, I can’t tell you!”

“So then why are you even telling me this?” Billy asked, casting a look of annoyance.

“Look, all you need to know is that I got sick and whatever happened at the hospital is probably what made Will and Barb go missing. And if that thing is still a problem, Nancy and Jonathan are in serious trouble!”

“So what exactly do you want me to do about it?”

“There’s nothing you can do, Billy! Someone is already trying to help me keep this contained.”

“Fascinating. Can I go now?” he asked pushing past her.

“Look!” Tara said, grabbing his arm. “I just need 5 minutes to try to find Nancy and Jonathan. Can you please just wait outside and cover for me for just 5 minutes?”

“What’s in it for me, doll?”

“I’ll do whatever you want tonight before bed.”

“Whatever I want?” Billy asked, quirking a brow as the corner of his lips turned up into a smirk.

“Yes, Billy. Whatever you want.”

“Deal,” he said, slapping his hand onto her butt for good measure.

With Billy standing guard outside, Tara blindfolded herself with the one washcloth she could find that didn’t smell like a dubious mix of chemicals.

“Where are you guys?”

She lied on the floor, trying to concentrate. She was finally able to return to the black. Maybe her powers were coming back after all.

Maybe. Because she felt a very strong force trying to pull her out of the black. Like she was just barely able to hold on to this connection and definitely couldn’t control where she was going.

“Nancy?” she called out.

“Breathe. Sunflower. Three to the right. Four to the left. Rainbow. 450.”

“Who’s there?”

“Breathe. Sunflower. Three to the right. Four to the left. Rainbow. 450.”

“TARA! TARA WAKE UP!”

Daniel had been vigorously shaking his sister for the past 5 minutes.

“Breathe. Sunflower. Three to the right. Four to the left. Rainbow. 450.”

“What the hell is she saying?” Billy asked.

“I don’t know! Her heart is pounding! I told you that she has heart problems? Why the hell doesn’t anyone listen to me?” Daniel asked.

“Breathe. Sunflower. Three to the right. Four to the left. Rainbow. 450.”

Nearby classes gathered outside, despite protests from teachers, while paramedics examined Tara, who had since come to her senses shortly before their arrival, insisting that she was fine.

“I’m okay! I just need to get to class!” she insisted.

Since her vitals were stable and there was no indication that anything life threatening was occurring, they couldn’t force her to go nor would they need a liability waiver to be signed.

During passing period to her last class, she ran into Eddie, who was the first to see the ambulance pull up to the school and being his nosy self, had to know what was going on.

“Hey! You okay?” he asked.

“Yeah. I’m fine. Just had a moment is all. But I’m good now,” she said unconvincingly.

“You sure? What brought that on, anyway?” he asked, pressing the issue.

“I mean, I think I’m just stressed,” Tara said in a half truth. “I messed up and don’t have a ride home after rehearsal, but—“

The warning bell rang.

“I gotta go!”

Rehearsal thankfully was the one thing in her day that didn’t go horribly wrong. She said goodbye to her fellow dancers and prepared herself to walk home. It couldn’t be helped. She didn’t have a choice.

Or so she thought. She heard a whistle and turned her attention to see Eddie standing by that van she saw pick her brother up and drop him off from school, putting 2 and 2 together and realising it was his.

“Your chariot awaits, princess!”

“You really stayed for me?” Tara asked.

“I couldn’t leave you stranded here.”

“Oh wow. Thanks!”

“Of course, princess.”

Tara got in the van with Eddie and the two drove off.

“Did Tara just get in Eddie Munson’s van?” Summer asked, shocked.

“She sure did,” Kenzie replied.

“She is so gonna get raped.”

“So… rations?” Eddie asked.

“Rations?” Tara repeated, confused.

“Rations! Food! You hungry?”

“Oh! I could eat!”

“Good answer!”

The two pulled up to the Taco Bell drive through and Tara pulled out her wallet.

“Don’t even think about it, princess! Your money is no good here while I’m around.”

Tho two sat in Eddie’s van where they ate, shared stories of what happened in the time that they lost touch, and throughout the conversation, it was clear that Eddie was 100% a changed man and not the horrible bully he used to be.

“Again, really sorry for what a shithead I used to be,” Eddie reiterated.

“You’re forgiven,” Tara said with a smile.

“How gracious of you!” Eddie said, overdramatically plopping his head into her lap. “I have earned forgiveness and begun my redemption arc!”

Tara chuckled and the two were playfighting when she accidentally knocked over his leather jacket, revealing a copy of “The Hobbit” causing him to gasp.

“Shit! Shit! Shit!” he exclaimed, quickly starting the van.

“What’s wrong?”

“Forgot to turn that back in! It’s due back today!”

Eddie was driving so frantically that he didn’t stop to remember that the library was still open for 3 more hours and he had plenty of time.

Eddie practically bum rushed the library with Tara following behind him.

“I need to turn this back in!” he said, slamming the book onto the desk before being bombarded with a sea of shushing.

“Well, well, well,” the librarian touted. “Once again. Not a minute late. And can I just say that it’s amazing that the town freak has a better understanding of library rules than One Dustin Henderson?” she asked in a passive aggressive tone.

“Wait, what did Dustin do?” Tara asked.

“Stole books. Breaks my heart to have to revoke his library card.”

“Wait! You can’t do that! You’d practically be killing him!” Tara protested.

“Those are the rules.”

“What if I brought the books back? Would you look the other way?”

That’s how Tara and Eddie ended up at “A Literal Haven” during the closing shift with a list of the books Dustin stole.

“So you work here?” Eddie asked curiously.

“I do!”

“Is it nice?”

“Yeah! It’s pretty cosy.”

Tara frantically gathered the books before letting out an exasperated sigh.

“One of them doesn’t have the same ISBN,” she grumbled.

That meant she wouldn’t be able to just take the replacements directly to the library.

She thought about what to do while Franklin wrung her up.

“Science books?” he asked. “That seems a bit different from your usual interests.”

“Well, to be honest, they’re not for me. This kid I babysit got into trouble with the library and I’m trying to get him out of trouble.”

“Ahhh, I see.”

After paying, Tara and Eddie got back into the van.

“I’ve got it!” Eddie said.

“Hmmm?” Tara asked.

“This Henderson kid. You could knock his door, give him the replacements and ask him to give back the ones he stole. Library looks the other way, he has his books. Everyone’s happy.”

“Eddie, you’re a genius!”

“I know.”

The duo made their to Dustin’s home to drop off the books and take the ones he stole back to the library.

Knock knock.

No answer.

“Hello?”

Tara looked and noticed Mrs. Henderson’s car wasn’t in the driveway. Clearly Dustin wasn’t home, either. Great.

“Looks like nobody’s home,” Eddie said.

“Yeah, I noticed,” Tara said before reaching under the decoy rock for the spare key.

“Hey, uh, fun fact I picked up from my dad’s arraignment. If you have a key, it’s still breaking and entering.”

“Which is why you’re going to stay in the van while I get the library copies so Dustin’s library card isn’t revoked,” Tara said, unlocking the door.

“For the greater good,” Eddie said. “I like it!”

Tara went inside with the stack of books to look for the ones he stole.

“That cheeky little twerp is gonna have an earful when I see him again,” Tara remarked.

Tara made her way to Dustin’s room where she saw the stack of books on his desk. There they were. Every single one of them.

Tara took the stack and replaced them with the books she bought and a note that read:

“Replaced these so you don’t lose your library card. You’re welcome.

-Tara”

She took note of the seemingly empty reptile tank.

“I thought Ringo died last summer,” she mumbled. Ringo, being Dustin’s pet gecko, who unfortunately reached the end of his 7 year lifespan on 8 June 1983.

She saw something move underneath the duvet that was covering the tank.

“He must have turned the heat lamp off. That poor thing is gonna freeze to death!” Tara turned the lamp on and removed the duvet.

In the blink of an eye, the tank’s glass shattered and an eldritch hiss rung out in her ears. Before she could process what happened, she felt an agonising chomp on her leg, causing her to scream bloody murder and collapse to the floor.

She looked up and saw what was unmistakably a baby troll that had bitten her leg. The creature crawled up her body, coming dangerously close to her face, before opening its respective face and hissing at her.

The creature lunged at her and Tara was certain that in that moment, she was a goner until Mews, the Henderson family cat, came to the rescue. Mews tackled the creature, taking it between his teeth by its neck and shook it violently, giving Tara the opportunity to crawl out of Dustin’s room, thankfully able to scrape together just enough psychic energy to close the door before she totally collapsed.

Blood ran out of her nose as her heart pounded in her ears. Part of her was worried about Mews, but she rationalised that he would be fine, recounting that time he, as a month old kitten, killed a possum twice his size with no issue. It was the troll who was finished, she thought.

Tara heard Eddie rush up the stairs to tend to her while she caught her breath.

“What the hell happened?” he asked.

“Something bit me! I think it might have been a raccoon or a possum. I don’t know! I didn’t get a good look at it!”

“Ouch! That looks bad! We gotta get you to a hospital.”

“No! It’s not that bad! I just need to go home and rest!”

“Tara, I’d be a really shitty person if I just took you home.”

“I’M NOT GOING TO THE HOSPITAL EVER!” Tara boomed.

“Okay,” Eddie said, raising his hands. “Can you meet me half way and do urgent care?”

“Fine,” Tara relented.

At the facility, the nurses and doctor who examined Tara pretty much told her the same thing.

“Miss Newman, you need to go to the emergency room. You tested negative for rabies. We’ll dress the wound to protect it until you get there, but this injury is serious. We don’t have the tools here to properly treat it.”

“Oh. Okay. I’ll have my friend drive me there.”

“Yeah. Do that.”

“What’s the verdict, princess?” Eddie asked.

“They were able to treat the wound. Turns out it wasn’t that serious. I just need to go home and sleep.”

“Sounds like a plan, sweetheart.”

Once they got back to the house, Eddie carried her upstairs to her bed.

“How is it that you’re able to carry me? You and I literally weigh exactly the same.”

“It’s not about what you weigh, it’s about weight distribution,” he declared, setting her onto her bed.

“I need to get my nightgown,” Tara said, starting to get up.

“Ah! Ah! Ah!” Eddie tutted. “Allow me.”

Eddie got the white nightgown and began to help Tara undress when the worst possible thing that could happen in this moment happened.

“The fuck are you doing with my girl, freak?”

The two looked over to see a very angry Billy with a cigarette in his mouth.

[one-strugling-bean]

Finally finished Randy Cunningham's 1st season and I have more thoughts:

-Okay so first off, what's up with the Tengu?? Are we ever gonna find out why the ninja and the bird demon are connected like that? I kinda hope so cause I really love seeing Howard as the Tengu, he looks super cool

-Also, finally heard the first ninja and I love his voice!! It's so nice

-I already know I'm gonna spend the next week keeping myself awake thinking about that one scene in "Sorcer in love 2: Sorceress' Revenge" where Randy throws himself into the Shadow Realm portal with zero hesitation and Howard's reaction to it. Just- the angst potential there!!

-Watching Howard be jealous of the Nomicon will never get old to me

-I whole-heartedly believe the Nomicon does not like Howard either

-They have this hate-hate rivalry that is amazing to watch - fighting for Randy's attention since the beginning of the year

-Also, Randy is a bit of a jelly ninja isn't he? The episode "Nukid on the Block" was something alright

-Howard continues, without a single fail, to be the biggest damsel in distress I have ever seen and I'm here for it

-They keep mentioning his dainty hands and I love it

-I want more Theresa, the girl is so cute and her few interactions with Randy always have that slightly awkward but also sweet tone to them and it's adorable

-I was stolen of Debbie Kang in the latter half of this season and im not happy about it

-Mac Antfee scares me

-After that whole Nomi-Randy thing from "Shloomp! There It Is!" im a little weary of Nomicon too (im pretty sure its not evil tho)

-There's a random cowboy appearing in random scenes in this show and im pretty sure he was the one who gave Randy the mask - I want answers!!

-I love how the show doesn't turn Randy having to transform into the Ninja and his identity being a secret into a big deal like Miraculous does. Like, there's an episode where "to hide away" to transform he just, goes behind Howard and while his bestie transforms, Howard opens his shirt and that's enough. It's really nice not to have to worry about that

-I've been headcanoning about the Miraculous gang meeting Randy&Howard and Co and until now the results are pretty fun

-Also just realised Marinette and Randy share their hair and eye colour, wow

-In case it hadn't been obvious by now I really love Howard

-I love his design and his voice and although im not the biggest fan of the fart jokes, some of his other lines totally compensate for them

-Also, he is a little sibling with a popular older sister so extra points from me there

-Maybe after im done with the show I'll try writing an essay on his relationship with Randy and why I don't think it's toxic and why I love them (hoping their fights don't get worse next season)

-Also also, Randy and Howard could and would sing the song Guy Love by Zach Braff

Anyway, for now, that's all. I'll leave the link to the petition about RC9GN's 3rd season here so you all can sign and share it

Have a cute Howard for safer travels

[thesoundofmadness]

it's chill dw *slaps hands together* once again putting it under a read more because oh boy

i dub this part the 'swap arc'.

Aight so, Randy and Howard sneak into McFist's liar, find Viceory's alternate universe portal. Shenanigans happen, they fall through, and they land outside the city. (similar to what happened in the time travel episode)

They start exploring and things look.... the same, but something is Off. Charlie Cluckers is now PJ McCluckers, PJ McFlubbusters is now Charlie Flubbusters, Norrisvile High's mascot is now a bird instead of a carp. Even Theresa, who's usually quiet and out of the way, has her voice coming out of everyone's phone. It's just weird.

Things get even weirder when they try going to the HoleGame.

Howard: the... HoleGame?! What happened to the Gamehole?!

Randy: Maybe Greg got bored and wanted to switch it up a bit? *looking inside* wait that's not Greg.

Howard: Cunningham, where the juice are we?! Randy: I don't know! We might have went back in time again. But why would McFist need another time machine?

Before they can start really freaking out, a giant robot appears to destroy the city. At least THAT'S normal. Randy goes off to deal with it, promising Howard as soon as he's done he'll find a way back home. Howard rolls his eyes and takes shelter in the HoleGame, going straight to the snack bar.

Things get even WEIRDER when, just as the Ninja goes to fight the robot, some guy in a blue and purple robe, with a staff, shows up on the scene.

and just as Howard gets to the snack bar, he finds.... Randy, wearing his clothes.

Swap Randy: Weinerman? OG Howard: Cunningham? Swap Randy: Weren't you just going off to fight that robot? OG Howard: What? YOU just went off to fight the robot. Why are you wearing my shirt? Swap Randy: Why are YOU wearing MY shirt?

For the swap bros it's been just a normal saturday playing Punching Graves at the HoleGame. Swap Howard did get a weird ting from the powerball when the OG bros came through that portal, but didn't think much of it.

Swap Howard goes off to deal with the robot, only to find... a ninja at the scene.

the Ninja deals with the robot, but as soon as he does, the guy in the robes attacks him. They fight for a bit. It's pretty evenly matched, with the Sorcerer using more magic attacks, and the Ninja using more melee-weapon attacks. Getting a bit closer, Ninja recognizes the voice from under neath the robes.

Ninja: Wait a second! Timeout! Are you...Howard?! Sorcerer stops dead in his tracks. Sorcerer:... How do you know who I am? Ninja: Because it's me! Sorcerer: It's me.... Who? Ninja: It's me! You know! *looks around, making sure no one hears him* Your best friend! Sorcerer:.... RANDY?! What... What are you wearing?! Ninja: What are YOU wearing?!

So they have their double spiderman moment. The OG Bros explain what happened, Swap Howard nearly attacks OG Randy upon seeing he has the NinjaNomicon. After some explaining and exposition, the swap bros agree to help the OG bros find a way home.

now for some ~shenangians~

Speaking of the Ninja Nomicon, the OG Nomicon has NO clue what's going on. Like, it will not let OG Randy schlmop in it when he initially tries to.

swap howard's powerballs doesn't have a damn clue either. again, nothing like this has ever happened before.

Swap Randy BEGS to try on the ninja suit. it doesn't activate for him tho. thankfully. god knows what he would've done with it.

there's more if i can think of it Now for some PLOT.

So, the OG bros are lost in the mulitverse. meaning there's no ninja in the Canon universe.

the exact timeframe the OG bros come from is in the later half of s2. After Evil Julian's birth in snow-klohoma, but BEFORE winner takes ball.

since there's no ninja to stop them, Evil Julian and the Sorcerer nearly destroy everything fighting to take over. the Sorcerer ultimately wins tho, and successfully takes over the Canon universe.

This starts causing other universes to start cracking and their destruction to peak through.

which causes the mass stanking in the Guide Universe, which is what causes Guide Randy to get involved in all this. Aight, back to the timeline of events

So, the swap bros help the OG bros find another portal. They go through it thinking it'll bring them back to their universe.

It doesn't. It brings them to the Band AU, alongside Guide Randy, who just so happens to fall in at the same time. here's this post describing what happens there

the way the swap bros are brought back into the plot is this:

the OG Bros and guide randy are having Shenanigans and Drama. I call their time in the band universe the 'band arc'. I can and will elaborate on this arc.

meanwhile, in the swap universe,

the swap nomicon seems to be sending more and more monsters after the sorcerer. it seems to be getting stronger, somehow. it's chill, swap howard can handle it

what swap howard CAN'T handle is Evil Julian coming into his universe.

in a desperate attempt to get more power, Evil Julian starts universe jumping. he gets to the swap universe, finds the swap nomicon, they team up. they corrupt the entire city, including Swap Randy.

in the band universe, the band bros are having some kind of event in the middle of town. Guide Randy and the OG bros are helping where they can. Of course, because something ALWAYS happens whenever some event like this is going on, guess who comes through a portal.

Evil Julian, with a corrupted Swap Randy, being chased by Swap Howard.

there's a massive fight. like, OG Randy is fighting monsters, Guide Randy is fighting monsters, Band au Ninja has NO clue what's going on, Swap Howard is trying to save a corrupt Swap Randy, the band bros are putting on a show to distract the town, it's a fucking MESS.

they end up, once again, dimension hopping to the Guide Universe. they nearly destroy guide norrisvile, but they save Swap Randy. and thus begins the 'guide arc'. i have more but this is long enough-

okay I don't have a lot of ideas for my swap au outside of the context of the Randyverse au. But do you wanna hear my ideas for what happens when the og canon and swap canon meet? or like. Some Plot for the Randyverse involving them?

YESSSS OFC OFC OFC I DOOOO

[prismatica-the-strange]

Ok, but thinking about it, Evan would do numbers on here, vagueposting about the shit that goes down in Storybrooke.

"Some really big dude crushed my friend Doc's car today before falling into this huge sinkhole on main street."

"They guy that runs the pawn shop's pirate rival was hit by a car today. Turns out the emo fuck doesn't know what jello is."

"My pirate friend came back from the dead, and now he's going to marry my best friend's Biological mom."

"My mom just told me I don't act enough like a fairy. What the fuck does she want from me??? What if you saw me make out with Ruby, huh? Would that be enough?"

"The pawnshops owner's mom kidnapped his infant son, and now he's hellbent on killing the town hero (the baby not the pawn shop owner)"

"I think I just met my soulmate. He pulled a spear out of my shoulder and his boss is trying to kill me."

"Was no one gonna tell me Mr. Hyde was so hot???? I'd hit that."

"What do you meaaaan Aladdin's a genie now? Return of Jafar lied to me."

"Snow White: She sings, she cleans, she talks to bird, she defeats evil sorcerers, she cant do simple math without a calculator."

[reginaldqueribundus]

Very excited to see Min Min join the roster of Super Smash Bros. Ultimate, which now includes:

a plumber who shoots fire from his hands

giant fucking gorilla in a necktie

bomb-throwing warrior elf

space bounty hunter in an Iron Man suit

the bounty hunter’s evil radioactive space goop clone

a cute dinosaur who tries to eat you

an inflatable pink puffball who also tries to eat you

military pilot space furry with a laser gun

an electric rat

the plumber’s brother who doesn’t want to be here

a literal child with terrifying psychokinetic powers (and a baseball bat)

racecar driver who also shoots fire for some reason

different pink round thing who sings you to sleep

princess in a pretty pink dress who throws turnips at you

the same princess but brunette

giant fire-breathing turtle dragon king

tiny twin mountain climbers with ice powers

teleporting sorcerer elf princess

the same elf princess disguised as a ninja

the plumber from before but in doctor cosplay

baby version of the electric rat who constantly hurts itself

the furry’s work friend who is a bird

three variations on “anime sword boy” (and one girl)

the elf warrior but a little kid

the elf’s giant green warlock nemesis who’s basically the racecar guy with a huge fuckoff sword

lab-grown psychic monster clone of god

anime sword boy but the sword is bigger and on fire

two-dimensional LCD man that occasionally becomes giant octopus

the puffball’s blue spherical paladin/Batman frenemy

teen angel from Heaven

teen angel but Edgy™

the bounty hunter but she’s in her underwear and does flips

disgusting feral biker man whose strongest attack is a fart

super-soldier who plants bombs everywhere

someone who just lets their pet turtle, pet fire dragon and a four-legged potted plant do all the fighting for them

monkey with a jetpack

the psychic boy but he has a snake now

Sonic the Hedgehog™

the puffball’s other frenemy: a huge wrestler-penguin-king with a giant hammer

tiny astronaut with an army of plant people

Goku if he was a dog

WALL•E’s Pokemon evolution

the elf but a little kid and also a cartoon

the furry’s furry nemesis who has Freddy Krueger claws

cute cartoon who plants trees and drops a bowling ball on your head

cute robot boy with a cannon

a personal trainer

space princess and her cute star friend

a boxer. just straight up punchin’ people. that’s it.

waterbender frog ninja

an actual goddess

big yellow vore ball who throws fruit and fire hydrants at you

anime sword boy/girl but also magic

JRPG protagonist with a magic Tron sword

the turtle guy’s kid riding a weaponized clown head

a dog with a duck on it

angry karate man and his less angry friend, who also shoot fire

anime sword boy but the sword is REALLY BIG

anime sword boy/girl but part dragon

your self-insert OC (they can punch, sword, or have bigass arm cannon)

sexy witch with gun shoes who sometimes turns into a butterfly

extreme paintball squid child

space monster dragon pirate

two vampire hunters

fatass crocodile

the cartoon bowling ball person’s adorable dog secretary

furry pro wrestler who also has the fire thing going on

a carnivorous plant

a teenager with a gun who summons his imaginary friend

anime sword boy who sometimes EXPLODES

a bear with a bird in his backpack

super-jacked explodey rocket punch man

anime sword boy/girl with GIANT AXE

noodle shop server with ten-foot-long arms one of which can turn into a DRAGON that SHOOTS LASERS

[thealmightyemprex]

Top 10 Villains of Fantasy Month

Yeah Fantasy month is long since over,but I still wanted to rank my favorite dasterdly villains I encountered that month

10.Tylette from the Blue Bird(1940)

Yeah I sort of HATE this movie,and I would be lying if I said I ddint find the implications of Tylette kind of troubling.That said Gale Sondergaard delivers a great performance ,really capturing the feline qualities of the character and I found it interesting the villain was a member of the heroic questing party

9.Pendragon from Jack the Giant Killer (1962)

Ruler of a kingdom of witches ,Pendragon is your standard evil sorcerer but thats kind of why I like him.Torin Thatcher's performance is why he is on the list.

8.Baba Yaga from Vasilisa the Beautiful (1940)

While the main villain is technically Gornych the multi headed dragon, Baba Yaga is the films heavy ,a witch who wants the titular heroin to marry a giant man eating dragon .I love Georgey Millyar's physical acting , he really gives his all for this part

7.Rothbart from the Swan Princess (1994)

A evil wizard with the gravelly voice of Jack Palance who has killed the king and turned Odette into a swan unless she marries him .Fun,menacing and with a terrifying monster form

6.The Stepmother from the Slipper and the Rose (1976)

Probabbly my favorite version of Cinderellas Stepmother.She's not a big focus of the story ,but Margaret Lockwood just nails this part .

5.Lucifer from the Wonderful World of Puss N Boots (!969)

Personification of "I'm such a nice guy" ,this ogre sorcerer seeks to wed the princess .He starts off rather comedic but the more he is rejected the more his true colors show ,and the meaner ,nastier and more villainous sides to his personality show

4.The Witch from Viy (1967)

Next time I hear people say there arent many great female horror movie villains ,I want them to watch Viy .Shes a simple villain(An undead witch tormenting a seminary student ) but maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan is she scary

3.The Evil Queen from Snow White and the Three Stooges (1961)

Might be the most villainous version of the evil queen ,locking up Snow White,trying to have the Prince assainated as a child ,trying to assasinate Snow White ,then trying to kill Snow White out of pettyness .I just love the way Patricia Medina plays her,in both the queen form and as the witch. Shoutout to Mr Sardonicus himself Guy Rolfe as her equally vile right hand man Count Oga

2.Kaschey from Kaschey the Immortal(1944)

So despite being the title character,Kashey is barely in the film ......But he steals it when on screen.Again played by Georgey Millyar ,desopite his himmortality ,power and wealth ,hes basically just a creepy old guy seeking to wed the leading lady Maria.Also ,this might have just been a trnslational error,but my favorite thing about hm is according to the subtitles is he has a very informal way of speaking in contrast to the gravitas he projects ,reminded me of Disneys Hades or Richard Boones Smaug

1.The Black Queen from Fantaghiro 2 (1992)

Where.Do.I .Start !????The Black Queen is an evil witch who hates anything good or nice,to the point that insults are compliments ,and seeks to DESTROY the relationship between heroine Fantaghiro and Romualdo because of how pure their love is .Brigette Nielsen is so wonderfully hamtastic in this part ,she might be one of my absolute favorite fantasy villains

@ariel-seagull-wings @amalthea9 @theancientvaleofsoulmaking @filmcityworld1 @sunlit-music @marquisedemasque @princesssarisa @metropolitan-mutant-of-ark

[soufre-de-paris]

okay i said this in a tag as a joke but the longer i play, the more i'm convinced i'm right. literally so much is just copy/paste. animations are the most obvious, but also mobs (like the shiny little critters that run away from you but drop neat loot! or the annoying mosquitos that hang out over the lake of rot!) or items like the sacrificial ring/twig and some unique weaponry, so on.

elden ring is a fix-it AU fanfic of dark souls.

i'm not talking mechanics so much as plot/storyline/dramatis personae. so much of what happens in both games feels like the two games are in direct conversation with one another: for example, what does it say to compare Brother Corhyn with Griggs, and therefore Goldmask with Big Hat Logan? (I have a lot of thoughts on these points, actually, but this is long enough as it is.)

spoilers (sort of? i guess?) for both games, though i name no names and don't explain much.

PEOPLE

The Guy Who Traveled This Path Before You is dead. He had a very specific style of armor. You were dead, and awoke in a graveyard, and now set out to blah blah blah.

A young practitioner of certain mystical arts worshipfully over-idealizes a wiser older man. The younger man declares himself a servant of the older man, who is literally just doing his own thing and doesn't seem to even notice the younger man's presence or lack thereof. The older man goes where he pleases, and the younger man struggles to follow.

A practitioner of occult arts wants to know more than is advisable. You help them achieve their goal, and they lose their mind.

A guy with a sharp, bird-like helm and straggly hair flips head-over-heels with a greatsword. He is OP AF. Black corrupted blood follows him as he fights. Long ago, he was something pure and his name was synonymous with righteousness, and he was indefeatable. Then he fell victim to an unstoppable and eternal force, and is now corrupted and (comparatively) weak. He fights in a coleseum-looking hall. A woman mourns him. Or does she?

A guy(s?) decides to fight against you to preserve the status quo, which is fucked up because he's supposed to be on your side.

A Sister waits patiently for the return of her missing Sibling. She doesn't seem to know the Sibling has been transformed into something horrendous, wooden, and unrecognizable as they're unable to leave, so she waits.

An enormous smith works on a comically tiny anvil. Hiding his face is a helm that looks like a straight-sided bucket. He is one of the few true "innocents" in the game.

There is a guy known by the epithet of THE FIRST OF THE DEAD. He lives in a necropolis. He has too many body parts. He is unpleasant to look at.

The icarus man has looked too long at the sun (BONUS POINT: this transitions from the literal to the figurative) and got way more than he was bargaining for, at the expense of himself. He is the closest thing to a male love interest in the game.

The insane leader of an institution of learning has a Daughter who makes her home in a removed mountainous region protected by a huge fucking dragon and inaccessible by non-magical means. The Daughter wears a snowy, furry cloak.

There is a boss that looks like it was taken straight out of Evangelion. It has long spindly, spidery arms that end in orbs. It is the most inhuman looking boss in the game; its existence has long-reaching implications for how Power truly works in this world. Locking onto this boss will get you killed as this fight is about maneuverability.

Sorcerers come from one magical city. eViL aSsAsSiN sOrCeReRs come from another magical city, but their city is eViL and sEcReT. Heretical flame magicians don't get to come from somewhere special.

Black-clothed knights once served the grizzled Leader of a massive city. Now, in this age of ruin, they wander, seemingly lost, still serving his will. They are generally OP, and tend to show up in unexpected places.

PLACES

An enormous city sits empty and dead. The only "living" people there are religious fanatics dedicated to defending the tenets of their faith.

Cities generally have nice pretty circular walls around them.

An enormous kiln the size of a city fills a dead city with its ashes. Parts of that city are melted by dragonfire.

All giant trees hold secrets. Sometimes that secret is a powerful woman. Sometimes that secret is a whole city. Sometimes that secret is a secret heretical sect. Sometimes it's more than one. Sometimes it's all of them.

A city once hosted forbidden magics. For this heresy, the entire city was sealed away, left to fester and die and be forgotten. The colorway of this city is silver and black.

Something very powerful is hidden in the depths of a crystalline cave. One must jump around on huge crystalline platforms to reach it. You will fall, a lot.

A mostly-destroyed blood-drenched fort has the dead on spikes for display. The leader of the fort is not fully human. Some of the leader's servants are afflicted by horrible, infectious rot. The leader can only be accessed by touching a magical portal.

An annoying maze-like Institution of Learning that has been sealed up. Everyone knows the leader has lost their mind. Crystals are the major motif. The mobs use crystals to fight. There are crystals growing out of control everywhere. Some areas are blocked because there are too many fucking crystals. Some practitioners of this magic become more crystal than person.

THINGS

"The ⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️ Eye Quivers" when near Something which, according to the morality of the "singular" religion, needs to be killed. Whether it does need to be killed or not depends on your opinion of the validity of this religion as a whole.

THEMES

It is important that you go back where you started from with a special key so you can get an important—albeit damaged—item.

"May the ⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️ Guide You"

One natural consequence of power is being (or becoming!) a tree.

The various duties of peripatetic white-robed maidens include becoming fiery sacrifices.

Someone Is Killing Maidens! Who Would Do Such A Thing?!

A black and terrible occult weapon was once made to kill a god. The truth of this was covered up.

The hunting of dragons is an oft-futile, and inadvisable pursuit. But oh, how beautiful they are! It is the highest level of a warrior's skill, to defeat something like a dragon…

That being said, you can also choose to worship dragons. Dragon body parts are part of these rituals.

You can choose an ending in which you become part of the problem.

"FLAME OF CHAOS" take the world? (BONUS POINT: there is an inversion of what being engulfed in flames means.)

EXTRA

The English Localization Team Really Needs To Learn The Difference Between Thee/Thy/Thine. Please. You're Fucking Killing Me.

FUCKING PATCHES KICKS YOUR STUPID ASS OFF A CLIFF

play dark souls! we have:

big titty goth god girlfriend

a snoring giant snake with floppy beagle ears and absurdly large teeth who carries you in his mouth

the himbo who is in love with the sun says something like "haha i thought you were flirting with me! unless"

[surpriserose]

I just fucking love birds man. Owls are so cool but they are so so stupid there is to much eyes in their head and not enough brain. If you ever end up making your dungeon and dragon character please post it I would like to see it. ALSO now I have a question for you or maybe two? If diavolo played DND or was a DND character what would his race/class/alignment be etc

no literally birds are so fucking cool like secretary birds are my favorite animals like omg...theyre so fucking cool and big

also stupid animals are the best idc i can relate to not having enough brains lajkhfljdah

i will probably try and draw them but birds and people are hard so itll certainly look like something. But they do exist now! They're just a little guy and their name is wyngdyngs or just wingdings but with y's so its fantasy :) i think i wanted to make them a black barred owl with stygian owl red eyes so they look really edgy but theyre just kind of a little lame guy having a bad time in the feywild :)

god so diavolo is definitely like...not a paladin or cleric for obvious reasons he's not being in service to anyone else. Same for warlock unless you want to be like...idk doppio is actually a warlock and diavolo is his patron? I'd say he's a sorcerer though like it fits with the whole i was chosen to stand at the top thing with sorcerers just kind of being magical assholes by birth ajlkdfbajkld he's defintely lawful evil though i mean he's awful. As for race, if he's not just human i mean....tieflings fit thematically like...dude fucking called himself diavolo hes lame as shit i hate himmm lckajnldjkcnaljkdnc

[raeynbowboi]

DnD 5e UA Subclass Concepts

With the sheer onslaught of new content we’ve gotten from Wizards of the Coast recently, I felt it’d be fun to throw out my own ideas for potential subclass ideas. Some are admittedly a little more fleshed out than others, but it’s still a fun exercise just to flex my creativity.

ARTIFICER

    Cybertronics: Perhaps too much of a retread of Warforged, the base concept is an Artificer who has replaced parts of their body with artificial substitutions.

    Interfacer: Geared towards spying and information gathering, the interfacer is a hacker who is skilled at disabling security, causing machinery to malfunction, and can turn a building’s security cameras into their eyes on the inside. But might rely too heavily on a technologically advanced world.

BARBARIAN

    Hero’s Soul: Your body is host to a legendary warrior. Upon raging, you surrender control of your body to this paramount champion, allowing you to fight like a demigod.   

    Bleeding Heart: Rather than only gaining power through rage, a Barbarian with a Bleeding Heart can form an attachment to mementos as they level up that remind them of intense emotions, with each emotion having different benefits at different levels. So, you could have a memento for every powerful emotion, or you could choose to only keep mementos that trigger a single powerful feeling, such as fear, sadness, or joy.

BARD

    Wilderness: Your song has the ability to attract the attention of woodland critters, and beast creatures will be less hostile toward you. At higher levels, your song can soothe even the most savage beast, making one intelligent creature passive toward you once per long rest.

    Humor: Laughter is the best medicine, and keeping the morale and vitality of your allies high is the primary concern of this bardic subclass. A successful performance check will revitalize friendly creatures. When you’re not lifting your friends’ spirits with your gambols, you’re making yourself a distracting target so that your friends won’t get hurt as much with you around.

CLERIC

    Love     Sea     Fire     Shadow/Darkness     Evil     Plague     Music     Secrets     Fate/Destiny     Luck     Chaos     Time

DRUID

    Unity: You have literally become one with nature. You select a terrain and bond so deeply that the world has started to live in you. Whether birds nest in your hair, barnacles and coral has begun to sprout out of your body, or your hair has turned into leaves, your bond with nature has reached the pinnacle.

    Menagerie: As you level up, certain parts of your body will be given the option to permanently morph into having bestial traits. For example, you might choose the predatory eyes of a hawk, the keen smelling of a dog, the superb hearing of a cat, or the gills of a fish as a facial mutation.

    Xenomorph: Very similar to the Menagerie, except instead of looking like a freaky gene spliced chimeric beast, you instead become more and more alien until you look like something out of Lovecraftian horror.

   Shaman: Your spirit animal is given shape through your understanding of magic, and it aids you in ways a physical animal could not.

FIGHTER

    Achilles: You have trained like a Greek hero and have honed the mythic power of the gods. You are stronger and tougher than is normal for your race at the cost of having a weak spot that expands the chances for enemies to land a crit on you.

    Dragon Knight: At level 1, the dragon is a tiny creature that can ride on your shoulder and try to help you in a fight. By level 20, it will be a full-sized mount that you can ride on. As you level up, you can decide where to focus its training, whether you want it to throw its weight around, focus on its breath attack, or make its scales sturdier and more resilient. How you train your dragon will determine the kind of fighting style that works best for you.

MONK

    Mystic: Your enlightenment and understanding of the universe has become so sagely that you have learned to convert your ki into spell slots. Casting with Wisdom, you have learned how to tap into the Wizard’s spell list of 5th level or lower spells.

    Animal Style: Choose an animal’s martial arts style between Tiger, Monkey, Snake, Crane, Mantis, and Dragon. Tigers hit harder and more ferociously, Monkies are more agile and excel in mobility, Snakes strike faster and are more adept at stunning and can cause poison conditions, Cranes have superior balance and can fly short distances, Mantises are better at not getting hit and going unnoticed, and Dragons are better adept to fighting large groups of enemies on their own.

PALADIN

    Fairytale Knight: Able to resist magical damage, magical charms or fears, and being adept at slaying magic-users and dragons makes this the quintessential hero in story-telling. Of course Remove Curse is among their subclass spells.

    Reaper: You have sworn an oath to the laws of death, which are finite and absolute. You roam the land ending the lives of those whose time has come to perish. This subclass is neither intrinsically Good or Evil, as it can be used as a normal part of the natural order, or for carnage and murder.

    Vigilante: Donning a mask and cowl, you bring about justice outside of the law.

RANGER

    Pack Bond: You forge a bond with an animal companion of your choosing. While in the wild, you can attempt to tame other animals of the same kind with your Animal Companion serving as the Pack Leader. Among wild groups of your Animal Companion, you and your traveling companions will be trusted enough to be welcomed in their dens, receive a share of their hunt, and be protected by them from other hostile creatures.

ROGUE

    Viper: An expert in poison and disguises, the Viper is a stealthy killer who uses poison and pragmatic tricks to put their opponents at a disadvantage during a fight. What they lack in sheer power they make up for by having ways of weakening their foes.

    Tomb Raider: You’re an experienced graverobber who has developed a knack for exploring ancient temples. Your past adventures have given you a keen eye when detecting traps, solving puzzles to advance through dungeons, and the ability to set up camp inside a dungeon without being at risk of hostile encounters.

SORCERER

    Infernal: Your power comes from a Fiend ancestor.

    Fey: Your power comes from a Fey ancestor

    Entombed: Your power comes from an Undead ancestor.

    Demigod: Unlike the Divine Soul Sorcerer, you are the literal progeny of an actual deity. Select a Cleric Domain your divine parent belongs to and receive unique features through your divine birthright.

WARLOCK

    Nature: You have made a pact with a powerful force of nature, be they a Nature God, an elemental, or a powerful druid, you are given the ability to harness the forces of nature in return for protecting nature with your life.

    Shadow Society: Rather than getting your power from an extra-dimensional being, your power was granted by a group of mortal castors to use you to do their dirty work. In return for your service, they have given you a portion of their power.

    Artifact: This patron isn’t sentient. Rather, it is simply a powerful magical relic which you use to channel energy from in order to cast your spells. While this subclass comes without the burden of indentured servitude to a usually malevolent being, the artifact can be lost or stolen, and with it, your powers.

WIZARD

    Arcane Lore: When you choose this subclass at 2nd level, select another casting class. Whenever you have the option to learn a Wizard spell, you can select a spell from that class’ spell list. You may only select one spell list to select from and they become Wizard spells for you.

I hope this was fun for you guys. And if any of these suggestions really sound interesting, I might just turn them into proper Homebrew posts. I’ve already covered the Love Domain Cleric, so I’m not opposed to covering others in the future. Which ideas were your favorites, and are there some that you’d love to try and use in a future campaign?

[thisfanficdoesnotexist]

The Harry Potter books ranked according to how On-His-Bullshit Draco Malfoy was.

 7: Deathly Hallows. He was just so out of it, my mans couldn’t do shit. Points for trying to turn him over to Voldemort tho.

 6: Sorcerer’s Stone. Not a strong start Draco, all you really did was get detention and bale on a duel. Surprised Harry even bothered hating you tbh.

5: Goblet of Fire. Ok so he did spy for a corrupt newspaper but honestly the most evil thing he did this year was make buttons. Potter stinks but so do your ideas buddy. 

 4: Order of the Phoenix. He wrote a song, a whole song, like points for drama my guy. Other than that he just took house points, abused his power, and became a student cop, acab baby. 

 3: Chamber of Secrets. Little huddy got nothing on him huh. Also played the PTA parent card, also owned slaves, also got hyped about a cats murder. Stop using slurs and drink your pumpkin juice kid your twelve.

 2: Half Blood Prince. He might’ve been depressed as hell but he also almost killed a man. Draco, take your meds and kill a bitch, he has it coming. 

 1: PRISONER OF AZKABAN OH MY GOD. This man really said, “oh a bird scratched me because I didn’t obey safety guidelines,,,,, might fuck around and get him executed.” 

[twistedtranslations]

Kalim’s Chats

These are the chats you unlock by doing lessons with Kalim Al-Asim.

Translation under the cut

The heroic tale of the sorcerer

Kalim: The most famous episode of the heroic tale of the Sorcerer of the Desert is the one where he protects the country from a trickster. He tried to take over the country by tricking the princess and the king, both now and in the past there were plenty of evil guys huh. Hm? If I’m being tricked...? Ahaha! I might be! But as long as Jamil is here, he’ll notice it if I’m being tricked.

Magical tools used for divination

Kalim: Do you know about the magical tools we use for divination in the Country of Hot Sands? There’s a strange apparatus shaped like an hourglass that couldn’t tell whether thunder will strike on a stormy day. It seems that the Sorcerer of the Desert made an artificial thunder device, so he could predict it whenever he liked. According to the legends, it looked like a running machine, with moving pulleys that turned and generated thunder but...even I’m sure that was a lie~

How to use a magical carpet

Kalim: Sorry for bumping into you earlier with my magic carpet! I was running late so I hurried. I would love it if I were a master at magic carpet riding, just like the king whom the Sorcerer of the Desert served. I heard he could chase after birds and pass through the legs of an elephant. When I tried to copy him the other day, I crashed into the ceiling of the reception hall at my parents’ home! Ahaha!

In the eyes of others

Jamil: Do you want me to teach you about the king that the Sorcerer of the Desert served? You have to write a report on him right?

Kalim: That’s right, there are almost no historical records left so I’m in a pinch.

Jamil: That’s because they’re focussing on the Sorcerer of the Desert as the Minister of State. There’s no doubt that he seemed like the king in the eyes of others.

Kalim: I too won’t lose to the King of the Desert when it comes to the people’s perspective of me. You think so too, don’t you Jamil?

Jamil: Are you even listening to me...? That’s...