#an emotional crisis over maybe finally being close to being out of uni

[circesoracle]

people will really harbour so much hate for you and are just waiting for a chance to say it out loud, huh?

[josad-irl]

My burden and well maybe first and last post

welp, worth a try

Hi, I'm "J", 23 yo.

Guess this might be worth a try since I'm running out of options.

Background info: I have heavy depression, and got diagnosed with multiple personality disorder with a strong tendency towards BPD (Borderline). I never had consistent suicidal thoughts. They came impulsive during high trigger situations a few times.

Just half a year ago I had the best time of my life. I was clean from my 1 1/2 year long addiction to drugs. I had the best gf I could have ever wished for. I had fun at Uni. I had good friends. I was happy. Or so I thought. My BPD kept making the relationship go into a crisis. My gf had ADHD and quiet-borderline was to be diagnosed. But I never found out til this day if she actually has it. Well, now I don't have a gf, lost most of my friends, my heavy depression is back and either my emotions aren't available for weeks or they come back like a train hitting me straight on and make me cry and brake down into panic attacks multiple times daily. I can't sleep. I don't feel happiness. I cannot enjoy a single thing. I either eat too much at once or not at all. After the break up I got sent into a prison-like psychiatric clinic for 3 nights. It was the worst time of my life. I never before have truly felt the way I did back then. That is almost 3 months ago now. Afterwards got a place in a clinic for mental health which was rlly nice tbh. I had a nice room. Nice ppl. Got a nice therapist. After a few weeks therapy finally started to help and I felt emotionally more stable after my 2 months stay. Now I am "free" again. Two weeks have passed. I can't stop thinking about my ex and the friends who were in the same circle. They all keep in contact with her, but they never once came to visit me or texted me during my stay in the clinic. Not once. In two months. I had to text them. Now they all barely answer to my texts. I do still have some rlly good friends left. But somehow I can't get over the things I have lost. And I am still desperately in love with my ex partner. She was the best person I have ever met. But she has blocked me everywhere. My emotions were gone for the last 2 weeks of my stay in the clinic. They came back a week ago. Well rather they came back on my birthday. When the hope had rissen up that my ex would text me. But no, nothing. During my stay in the clinic we had an on/off thing. We met, we slept with each other. But suddenly she cut me off completely saying it over for ever. She realised we weren't good for each other and that was it. Well, my opinion was that we could heal through therapeutic help and try it again. But she never answer to that. That was the moment I went into shock and kinda lost all my emotions. As I said, these came back on my bday. Especially the last hour of it. I had a huge panic attack and a gigantic borderline trigger, where it felt like i was going insane. I tried to desperately contact her. But she blocked me off even in the last possible way I had to get into contact. She saw my calls, but she cut them off. That was it. My emotions finally got broken. Now i am sitting here and contemplating if its worth living, when my only two choices are being emotionally unavailable and basically just acting under a facade or to be emotionally broken and depressed to an extent where I am pretty close to taking my own life. I tried before but got stopped. I think this might be the time where I'll get it over with. Well. If neither a clinic, nor meds, nor my mum and not even my good friends can stop me from feeling and thinking this way...who can? Will this ever stop? I have been depressive for years. 4, maybe 5 years. My BPD is hindering my emotional stability. I don't know what to do. I think live is beautiful. And I know people can heal. I know time can heal. I know I should just cut contact and concentrate on the things I have. I learned so much in the clinic. I know others would take this opportunity to heal. Other ppl are strong. But I don't think I can. I am scared of myself. I am scared of rejection. I am scared of what anyone says. I am scared of what anyone thinks. I am scared of what I think. I am scared of what I can do. I am scared of what I could become. I am scared. I am broken. My trust is broken. My emotions are broken. And I have seen better days in these dark times. But they were always overshadowed. I give up. Maybe. Well....

"X", I love you. I hope you are able to heal. I hope you got the help you needed. I hope you will find the happiness that you deserve. You were the first person in my life that I could be myself around completely. The first person I ever truly loved. You helped me through heavy depression, addiction and pain. Now I hope you get the help you need and never have to feel the way I did or now do. I wish you all the best.

To anyone reading this: I hope your are having it better than me. I know this sounds weird for me to say, but... if your are going through somethings, ask for help. Someone will help. There is nothing more important than your mental health. I wish you all the best of luck in whatever challenges your are facing <3

If this isn't my last post, then something must have happened and well..I'll post an update then.

Maybe goodbye, maybe not.

J

[nineyellowgirl]

Can I go with sims? Because sims are great :)) Johnny/Ophelia, Ripp/Stella, Ripp/Jill, Buck/Jill, Angela/Dustin, John Mole/Natasha Una, Bella/Mortimer, Cassandra/Don, Jenny/Buzz (and what motivates you to ship them, I'm really really curious, they seem interesting together but I haven't put too much thought on them before), Lazlo/Crystal, Circe/Vidcund, Circe/Loki and lastly Jasmine Rai/ Zoe Zimmerman If you feel it is too much I understand, you can choose to answer only the ones you like :)

I LOVED doing this! It gave me such TS2 nostalgia, but also made me think about Postcards form Nowhere and asdfgdfshj thank you I love you

First one - answered already!

Ripp/Stella -  C (not a bad ship)

Actually, I’ve never thought about this one before! I guess they would meet in college and it’d be a short-term relationship, but they would split up peacefully and remain friends later in life. Ripp, as he grew up with the Smith, knows hella much about Aliens and I’m sure Stella would admire that. Also, Jenny (as his spare momma) would surely send him packs of home-made snacks, so Stella and her love for cookies would benefit from this!

Ripp/Jill - A (love it)

When I was younger, I thought this ship was insane, but I somehow grew to love it after some years of thinking over the TS2 PSP storyline. It applies to Postcards, too; in my story, Buck is dead (I’m sorry) and they both try to somehow build their lives around the absence of him. After some time Jill falls in love with the characteristics of Ripp that she’d have come to love in Buck if he’d survived and grown older with her. It’s the softness and caring side; on the other hand, Ripp admires in Jill the same traits. She can bring some peace and rationality to his messed up, artistic soul. Ripp would find it difficult to summon up the courage to tell Johnny about it though, which reminds me Harry, Ron and Ginny situation in Harry Potter XD

Buck/Jill - B

Again, one of the ‘classical ships’, no hard feelings, though I had a mental barrier which I had to break in order to accept Jill/Ripp pairing. I think they would have ended up together for sure if Buck had survived. They both soft and caring souls, yet Jill is the dominant one when she needs to, she took it after Jenny.

Angela/Dustin -  B/C

I used to ship it hard when I was younger, but now I just… do. I mean, it’s lovely that Dustin has somebody close in this hard time and I totally see Angela babysitting the babies for a symbolic amount of money, but now that I’ve read much more stories, I see it as a schematic Bad Boy/Mary Sue (haha, a pun) relationship, and… I don’t know, just no strong emotions.

John/Natasha - A+ (OTP)

Oh damn yes. I ship it so hard! You see, he’s the weird and worrying guy the whole neighbourhood is talking about, but nobody really gets to know him, they’re slightly afraid maybe, but he doesn’t let them in either. And she’s the cheerful extravagant painter and actually the only one not to judge him. She challenges herself to make friends with him, and though he’s not really interested in it at first, he grows closer to the funny redhead and he doesn’t even realise it. They drive each other insane sometimes, but are ready to defend the other one when needed and soon become the weirdest couple in the neighbourhood. It seems odd to everyone else, but they actually understand each other’s peculiar ways of life pretty well and are tolerant to the small oddities (I mean, John walks around in an ankle-length black coat in July, and Natasha refuses to serve anything but grilled cheese for dinner. And they both just shut up and live with it).

Bella/Mortimer - A+

Both classical ships AND hard feelings. What to say more? I ship it like hell. One of my first OTPs actually, it could have started even back in 2007!

Cassandra/Don - E (don’t really like it)

I know there’s a whole community of Dossandra shippers and I myself love one story where they’re together, but as for the relationship itself, I don’t think their characters match. They’re just so different from each other - too different to change. They both wouldn’t be happy in this relationship.

Jenny/Buzz - A+ [long rambling below]

This Juzz madness has been actually started by my best friend, as a joke I believe; I fell into feels though. Why I ship it? Well, I think Jenny’s strong but caring character would sooth Buzz’s anger, grief and bitterness that poison his soul after Lyla’s sudden death (for which he blames himself, though he never told it to anyone). She isn’t blind to what he did (we all know he was a shitty father; he never hit his children, but he was far from Lyla’s motherly softness), but she understands his pain, unless everybody else. Jenny still sees the young Buzz beneath the surface - before the failed marriage and loss hardened him - and she’s desperate to get that old Buzz out again. I think everyone sees him as someone only hurting people; she knows he’s hurt, too. She actually defendedhis children from him when he was mad at them for nothing (usually it applied to Ripp) and she strongly disapproves his violent reactions, but she sees the way to solve this whole crisis by also healing him, as she thinks Buzz hurts people mostly because he is tangled up in all this pain and grief and anger from these years after Lyla’s death (and she’s right).

In my headcanon they weren’t a couple in teenage years; only good friends. I think they had to change through their life (I see young Jenny as even more stubborn than adult Jenny), get older and wiser to realise what they mean to each other, and after all this time of hurting and fighting, finally build love on common understanding.

Lazlo/Crystal - B

Oooh they’re such hippie dorks! I mean, I see them being around 30 in TS2 and they still act like in high school. They have nothing against showing their love to each other, so they kiss in public, go to Lazlo’s science parties together and play video games whole afternoons because they’re nerds. Tbh (spoiler) I’m still unsure whether to kill Crystal off in my story or not, because I think Lazlo would die without her…

Circe/Vidcund - A+

As I’m more into simblr community, I see that most Simmers interpret Circe as the ‘worse’ of the Beakers couple, but to me, it’s always been Loki, even before I joined the community! I ship Circund for life; I see Circe being stuck between a rock and a hard place, as she either married Loki for money or splendor (he had already made a name in the scientific society, unlike Vidcund) and at first their marriage (or, more, cooperation) was inspiring for her, but then he started to experiment on people (Nervous, Gimi) and she didn’t want it, but couldn’t get out; didn’t know how. Loki abused her to remain silent, and she had no one to turn to and nowhere to escape.

In my story, she works with the Curious brothers in the military lab and there’s a huge tension between her and them (when she broke up with Vid, well, he took it hard, and you know, family support), but Vidcund still secretly dreams that they will somehow get together one day. I think their relationship would be even more inspiring for Circe’s scientific side and her ambition to learn and develop, and it would be healthier, for sure. I mean, in my headcanon Loki just ruins her life slowly, so yeah.

Circe/Loki - F (NOTP)

Explained above!

Jasmine Rai/ Zoe Zimmerman - N/A (don’t know well enough)

I saw many people shipping these girls, but I personally never got into Uni pre-mades’ personalities really, so I don’t have an opinion. I might think about this ship when I get back to playing TS2 one day though!

To everybody who read the whole thing - let me shake your hand and kiss you.