#an author's opinions can inform certain story choices

[strunmah-mah]

Was poking around in the Wonder Woman tag to see what the general consensuses is on the new run. And I keep seeing screen shots of the narration boxes captioned with stuff like "look at Tom King's trash opinions on the amazons" And like . . .

Y'all know those are the Sovereign's opinions right? Not Tom King's? You understand the difference between a character and a writer? And that since the Sovereign's weapon of choice is The Lasso of Lies that he probably shouldn't be considered a reliable narrator? It's literally his job to make the Amazons look bad.

[hayatheauthor]

How To Create A Well-Written Fight Scene

Fight scenes are an essential aspect of any book, however, they can be very complicated to pull off. Authors need to create a realistic fight while also showcasing the character’s emotions and thoughts, as well as describing any necessary information. This can be hard to pull off without the right guidelines, and can often result in an overly long and complicated fight scene that bores your readers. 

Unsure how to write a fight scene? Here are some tips to get you started. 

Mix Action With Dialogue 

When writing a fight scene it’s essential to create a balance of description and dialogue. Dialogue helps showcase your character’s thoughts or any important information, but the description is where you showcase the action. 

When writing dialogues in fight scenes, always make sure you keep the sentences short and detailed. There’s no need to use descriptive words or long wound-out sentences. Your readers don’t need entire paragraphs of dialogue, they just need to know the gist of it. 

When writing descriptions in fight scenes, keep the sentences short and impactful—as if you were hitting your reader with bullets.  

Saying something like “my lungs screamed for oxygen as I jumped left and right to dodge the bullets, but the adrenaline overshadowed my need for oxygen” would get your point across, but something like “my breathing was ragged. My heart beat to the sound of a thousand drums as I dodged one bullet after the other. But I loved it.” sounds more impactful. 

It’s also important to take word choice into consideration. “My lungs screamed for air” is a good figure of speech but saying ‘my heart beat to the sound of a thousand drums’ makes your readers feel a sense of excitement or adrenaline when they think of beating drums. 

Keep It Short 

Fight scenes aren’t meant to be long or drawn out! You can only write so many kicks and punches before your readers get bored and start skimming the scene. This is why it’s important to keep your fight scenes as short as possible. 

When writing a fight scene, you should ask yourself how this scene is going to further your story or plot. Does this scene showcase a new characteristic of your protagonist or antagonist? Do one of the characters reveal essential information that couldn’t be revealed in any other scene? Is an important character injured, does something happen to significantly impact a character? 

If your answer to all of these questions was no, then you should probably go back and reread your fight scene to try and decipher the purpose of that scene, and whether it actually needs to be in your book. 

If you’re certain this fight scene needs to be in your book, then try rereading the scene multiple times and highlight bits that feel boring or repetitive or bits you would probably cut out if this wasn’t your WIP and you weren’t proud of that piece of description or dialogue. Then reread those specific areas, and either edit them or completely cut them out. 

Describe The Action Not Their Thoughts 

One big mistaken writers often make when writing fight scenes is describing the character’s thoughts rather than the actual fight. 

It is a good practice to occasionally describe your character’s thoughts and feelings when writing a fight scene, however, only describing their thoughts throughout the entire scene can get boring and rob your readers of the actual action they are looking for. 

Here is a piece of writing that would describe the thoughts: “I felt my heart race as I watched the enemy draw closer. I braced myself for impact as she raised her leg to land a kick against my abdomen, but nothing could prepare me for the pain that followed.”

The paragraph above describes the character’s feelings and opinions, however, it does little to showcase the action and actual heart of the fight. 

Here is a short example of a piece of writing that would describe the action: “My heart skipped a beat as I watched the enemy draw closer. Their agile feet jumped from left to right, dodging any blade I could throw their way until they were right before me. A sharp whoosh of air echoed across the back alley, but even that wasn’t enough to prepare me for the pain that followed.” 

Does the above paragraph describe the character’s thoughts or feelings? Yes. However, it also focuses more on the actual fight and what’s going on rather than the character’s inner dialogue. 

When writing a fight scene, remember to focus on the external action rather than internal dialogue. 

Use The Five Senses 

When writing fight scenes it is essential to describe more than just what your character can see. Show us what they’re feeling. What can they hear? Can they smell or taste something? Do they feel rough concrete below their fingers? Is the air corrupted with the putrid smell of burning flesh? Do birds of prey let out sharp calls above their head as they circle the corpses laid out before the hero? 

Using all five senses helps immerse your readers and makes them feel like they’re in the scene. This also allows you to describe the fight in more detail and give your readers a taste of the character’s emotions. 

Make them taste blood when they’re stabbed, or hear the slight fizzle and pop of acid as the enemy throws vials at the protagonists. 

Don’t tell your readers what your character can see, show them what your character is experiencing. 

Edit, Then Edit Some More 

I would like to end this blog post with an essential piece of advice every writer must heed. You need to edit your fight scenes! 

I cannot stress how important it is to polish these scenes to the best of your abilities! Outside of SPAG, you also need to consider word choice, pacing, tone, and voice. Saying your character is bleeding sounds boring compared to “blood spurted from the gaps between their fingers”. It’s also important to take your length and amount of words into account. 

Are you over-describing? Are you under-describing? Are you describing the wrong things? You need to go back and peel through your fight scenes at least twice—once as a writer, and once as a reader. It is important to keep an open mind while editing. I know parting with a good piece of dialogue or description can be tough, but making that choice is worth it if it betters your WIP, if only just a little. 

I hope this blog on how to create a well-written fight scene will help you in your writing journey. Be sure to comment any tips of your own to help your fellow authors prosper, and follow my blog for new blog updates every Monday and Thursday.  

Looking For More Writing Tips And Tricks? 

Are you an author looking for writing tips and tricks to better your manuscript? Or do you want to learn about how to get a literary agent, get published and properly market your book? Consider checking out the rest of Haya’s book blog where I post writing and marketing tools for authors every Monday and Thursday. 

[queerofthedagger]

Hey I hope this is okay to ask. I saw that you sent the Sandman Big Ban a ask about the faq. Are you satisfied with their reply? I don't know if this is really common and if I should participate

Hey nonnie, that's entirely fine to ask yes!

Short answer: no, I'm not.

Long answer, giving a few reasons with none of my snark being aimed at you personally:

This is how it's done. No, this is absolutely not standard practise - I can name you at least 5 bangs off the top of my head that do not, in fact, do this. Including content restrictions is very much a choice that the mods are making, whether it also is their private opinion or not. None of those other bangs have problems matching, which brings me to:

No PWP: first of all, their word count requirement is incredibly low at 6k, and claiming that authors would struggle to hit that with "porn only"? That's, I'm sorry, ridiculous, not to mention condescending as hell - authors are perfectly capable estimating whether they can hit goals or not with whatever plot (or lack thereof) they are writing.

Artists/betas won't want to claim, or need to know what they get into: First of all, there is a huge bunch of amazing nsfw art and artists in this fandom who, I'd assume, would be happy to make nsfw/dark art. Second of all: have authors provide content notes/warnings for the claiming process, problem solved.

We're not banning dark/nsfw content, just any glorification of it: Right. And who decides what's glorifying? Do they vet this during sign ups? Claiming? Might I end up submitting a fic and get it pulled? Do I have to provide personal information about my trauma to be "allowed" to write dark content in a certain kind of way? This is a slippery slope at best. It is also massively hypocritical because, you'll notice, there are no such restrictions when it comes to violence or murder etc. It gives big ole "I can excuse the eye-eating serial killer, but I'll draw the line at porn" vibes which is a staple of anti culture.

On the above point, it is also worth noting that the entire argument is moot to begin with because even if it is "glorifying" or "romanticizing" it literally does not matter. It's fiction. It's not real. Tag your shit, give warnings during the claiming process, and it's fine. Everything else is cuddling up to censorship, there is no middle ground to be had here. (Which is arguably very ironic considering both the source material and the source material author's stance on such things. Yes I'm salty as fuck about this. Anyway).

All this is to make the event "more accessible." This is, frankly, absolute goddamn bullshit. If people warn properly for their content, and if in the context of a discord server for the fest you have designated spaces to talk about nsfw and/or dark content, people are perfectly capable of curating their experience, what they engage with or not. Conversely, banning content, considering yourself as mods an authority on what is and isn't glorification, is not only condescending as hell, it also makes your fest, in fact, less accessible for anyone who a) wants to write such content, or b) simply is not a fan of censorship vibes in their fandom spaces.

So long story short, I'm the opposite of satisfied and will absolutely not participate. People are, of course, welcome to run their events however they want. I am, of course, perfectly in my rights to run my own big bang without all this nonsense, which is something I am considering doing because I love big bangs, and hate the thought of relinquishing the fest format to something so inaccessible. 😉

[definitelynotshouting]

Hi! This has nothing to do with hermitcraft at all, but I think you’re a great writer so I’d like your opinion on something for my passion project! ((If you’re willing Ofc))

What do you think about the prophecy trope?

Like- “a great saviour will appear! The prophecy says so!” For example.

Furthermore; how would you go about improving the trope / making it more unique?

- binge reader

OOOOOH BINGE READER ANON I LOVE THIS QUESTION!!!! its very flattering that you would ask this of me, and for what its worth, its actually exactly in my wheelhouse-- im a professional editor who often works substantive edits, so youve found a good person to ask :]

Because of that, im gonna answer this in two ways: one as a writer, and one as an actual editor

So beyond my own personal opinion, which we'll get to later, the general rule of thumb in writing is that you can make pretty much anything work so long as you put in the effort. This includes things like characterization that would otherwise come off as ooc-- if you take the time to make it believable, to see what it would take to make this character act a certain way, that can absolutely work!!! And likewise, the same goes for tropes. You can generally make almost any trope work-- even if its typically viewed as clichéd-- so long as you put that work in, and weave it well into your storyline!!

For this trope in particular, it absolutely has its place. If your story is centered around that, then that is perfectly fine!! All writing boils down to what the author wants to depict, portray, and show you, and sometimes that involves a prophecy!! What i would recommend to make this an effective prophecy, however, is making sure it slots in well with the surrounding world and storyline-- tropes like The Chosen One tend to be the crucial hinge on which the story operates, so you'll want to structure stuff around that so that it feels properly baked in. To do this, i'd recommend figuring out what you want from the prophecy in general first-- is this an accurate prophecy?? Is divination a known aspect of this world?? Is magic?? Or is this closer to a self-fulfilling prophecy, where no magic or divination exists but events have been manipulated so that it still comes true??? These are super good questions to ask yourself because they heavily impact the approach you take with your worldbuilding, and i find that rippling outward from one central plot point/plot device can do a ton to make your story feel more cohesive overall.

Now personally, as a writer, im not generally super interested in writing a garden variety prophecy trope. But something i do love to do is take tropes and twist them around, turn them on their heads, and shake things up so it feels a bit more fresh and keeps my personal interest while writing. The way i see it, you have a sort of bell curve/spectrum to reference here: on one end its "the prophecy is true and the story is informed by it wholesale," and on the other end, you've got "the prophecy is bullshit and actually means nothing" 😂😂😂😂

Both of these feel too extreme for me. There are a few ways i would take this, depending on the overall story and its message/themes, but something that i find personally entertaining is the sort of middle ground of "half-true, half–self-fulfilled." I find it deeply compelling to have a character yank their own fate into their hands and start wielding it like a weapon-- there's something incredibly powerful about a narrative where a character sees a prophecy and chooses to make it come true. Sometimes this is written as the character stepping up to the plate for other people. Sometimes it's written as the character just being clever, and doing some social engineering-- whether that be for power, ambition, responsibility, or pure survival. But the end result is the same: the prophecy is ultimately fulfilled, and on a meta level, you pose a question to both your character and your readers-- was it real? And does that matter??? Were the choices taken by your protagonist what shaped the story, or were they shaped BY it, and just didn't know it?? Does choosing to abide by a prophecy make it true, make it inevitable, or is it all just a sham??? Is there a middle ground here as well?? What does that mean for the events that happened????

These are all EXCELLENT questions you can use to make a genuinely gripping narrative, one that makes your readers really think after they've read it and come to conclusions of their own. They're also part of tropes i personally like, which involve the power of choice, and very clever characters (i love clever characters, im a little trickster at heart), and rules-lawyering, and often some interplay between the concepts of freedom and fate. These questions may not work for your story, though, and thats okay!! Your story is ultimately for you, and i think asking yourself what you ultimately want out of it is the first step towards finding an effective way to tell it. Some people just want to write the trope wholesale with nothing else added in and that is perfectly fine. Some people, like me, enjoy writing very complex thinkpieces and will want to change it up a bit to better fit that structure 😂😂😂😂 At the end of the day, ask yourself what it is you're trying to tell, and then start asking yourself what will help you tell it best :] and then you can start changing things up from there!!

Hopefully this made sense, anon!!! Again, im deeply flattered you've asked my opinion on this, and i wanted to make sure i took the time to answer it thoroughly. I'm so interested in your passion project already!! If you ever want to share more, or just want to ask more questions of editor-TJ, absolutely hit me up!!! I love love LOVE talking about the mechanics of storytelling, its my passion and my career, so i will never get tired of infodumping about it :DDD i hope this helped!! Thanks again for asking!!❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[duckprintspress]

hey, I was poking around on the website, and I'm confused by the choice to use "penis in vagina sex" as a tag for erotica when you could use "vaginal sex" or "vaginal penetration" to say the same thing?

Hi!

There are lots of things that can be inserted in a vagina that aren't a penis, and those differences matter.

Specifying anatomy is a clear ways to communicate the information of who is putting what, where. Using straight-forward terms enables people to get a clear sense of what they'll be reading and what the body part(s) of the people involved are. Some people may be comfortable with a story that involves a penis going in a vagina, but may not be comfortable with a story in which a tentacle goes into a vagina. Someone may be comfortable reading a story where a dildo goes in a vagina, but not one where a penis goes in a vagina.

(Aside: we have a "dildo in vagina" tag, but it hasn't been applied it as consistently as I should be - at the moment, "penis" and "distinctly penis-shaped things" have both often ended up under "penis in vagina." This came up just yesterday, in fact, and I have Regrets, looking back, for not being more careful about differentiation for those cases. I'll be doing an overhaul on our tags in September for unrelated reasons (our website software has changed how it handles certain things) so there's no point in my fixing/changing this until then.)

There have been instances where authors have indicated that they're uncomfortable with that phrasing because of their own feelings about anatomy. In those cases, we work with the author to find a compromise that fits within our controlled vocabulary and also fits their comfort level. For example, in our upcoming erotica anthology, there's a m/m/m story for which that specific story DOES have the "vaginal sex" tag. That matches the author's comfort levels, and we felt that, when coupled with the m/m/m ship tag and the trans male tag, reader's will be able to assess and decide if it's a story they're comfortable reading.

I'll own, I'm also confused by this ask, because to me, the differences seem pretty clear? Neither "vaginal penetration" nor "vaginal sex" conveys the same information as "penis in vagina sex," like, those aren't synonyms.

In and of itself, "vaginal sex" is virtually useless as a tag in my opinion, because "vaginal sex" is...any sex involving stimulation to a vagina. And there's lots of ways to make a vagina feel good that have fuck-all to do with a penis, which is why we have things like clitoral fingering, vaginal fingering, and cunnilingus as separate tags.

Likewise, all "vaginal penetration" tells you is that someone's got something going into their vagina, without specifying what, and while some people might be comfortable discovering while reading that "what" is a penis, other people may not be.

In a world as gender-diverse as the one we live in, and one in which we as a publisher are juggling competing needs (the need to create a consistent system across stories, the need to ensure readers can determine with specificity what the contents of a story are, the need to accurately describe each story, the need to find terminology that is comfortable for the author, etc.), we decided a system that focused on simplicity and clarity, accuracy and specificity, would be the most applicable across the most situations. And the current system isn't perfect, and we tweak it fairly often to course correct, increase accuracy, fix mistakes, or address oversight. But well. All the above is why we use "penis in vagina sex" (and "tentacle in vagina sex," and "vaginal fingering," and "dildo in vagina sex," etc.) instead of just "vaginal sex" or "vaginal penetration."

[shivunin]

OOOOH for the NPC ask...

I'd say Sandal for Arianwen, the Viscount for Maria, and Fiona for whomever (or how many) of your Lavellans you feel like would have the most to say about her! :3

OOOH thanks for asking, Arja!

(NPC ask game)

Arianwen loves Sandal. She likes Sandal and Bodahn first of all the people in Origins, initially because she doesn't really want to hang around with any of the humans and later because they make more sense to her than the others. Wen doesn't really want to talk, so the pair of them are great company, and there's a certain straightforwardness element to discussions with Sandal that she finds comforting (the more complex and layered conversation gets, the more likely Wen is to pull a knife in general; in Orzammar, for example, she can never quite shake the idea that everyone there is laughing at her). She never has to worry if there are hidden layers to what he's saying or wonder if he's trying to trick her into something (which is half the reason she keeps her guard up with everyone else). Wen brings Sandal magically interesting substances to tinker with, not expecting anything in return, and he never asks her any prying questions about why she's strange or unhappy. When she's upset and wants company, she still sits by their fire sometimes even late in the events of the game and the others know better than to bother her. So: in short, they are good friends.

Maria has never been a huge fan of authority in general and she has a very low opinion of the Viscount's ability to actually govern Kirkwall. Though she has a lot of sympathy for Saemus's death, the Viscount's dogged insistence on her dragging his son back did not endear him to her immediately previous. Obviously, she wasn't a fan of his head being bowled at her with velocity, but (aside from the resulting power vacuum) she didn't shed any tears over his death.

Oooh, so. I don't think we get a ton of information about Fiona exclusively within the context of Inquisition (I know she appears in one of the side novels or comics?) so based entirely on the interactions with her as the representative of the rebel mages:

Emma kept it professional, but had a lot of private thoughts about how someone could ever trust a Tevene force to help their people with no strings attached, even before the magical coercion. I think she treated with Fiona as a fellow leader and didn't delve very deeply into her personality or past.

Salshira would talk with Fiona somewhat frequently about the Wardens and to ask how the mages at Skyhold were keeping. Salshira loves a good story and Fiona has plenty.

Elowen talked to Fiona maybe an unhealthy amount. Her greatest fear is that she is a bad leader, so I think there was sort of a morbid fascination to understanding how Fiona ended up where she did and why. After every single one, she would wander the library level trying to decide if she did the right thing by allying with the mages and weighing her choices over and over to try to determine whether she was walking down the same path. Eventually, Fiona gently refused to answer any more questions about it and (after avoiding the library for a week, to Dorian's consternation) Elowen finally decided to talk to her about something else. So I think a lot of her feelings about Fiona are tied up in her own fears about herself, but she ultimately winds up having a lot more compassion for Fiona's choices than the others.

[maplesyrizzup]

hi, april... can i know all of them????? jfjfjgjfhf

Height: 5’1

Age: 20

Shoe size: 6.5

Do you smoke: nope

Do you drink: yes

Do you take drugs: not yet. I would love to try some edibles but it's not legal in my state

Age you get mistake for: usually 1-3 year's younger than my certain age, depends

Have tattoos: nope. Afraid of needles. I pass out

Want any tattoos: maybe

Got any piercings: no

Want any: nope

Best friend: they are sisters and I will always be grateful for them.

Relationship status: single and pining over fictional characters

Biggest turn ons:

Biggest turn offs:

Favorite movie: the kingsman movies. Love them. Also grown ups

I'll love you if: you treat me with respect and love me unconditionally

Some you miss: no one currently

Most traumatic experience: also drowning

A fact about your personality: I like to get other people's opinions before deciding. I like to get both sides of the story. I need all the information before I do anything

What I hate most about myself: my face and how I speak before thinking

What I love most about myself: my humor

What I want to be when I get older: author was a big dream of mine but I've given up

Combining next two, relationship with parents and siblings: not good

My idea of a perfect date: LASER TAG. PUSH ME IN THE CORNER AND KISS ME. BUT I SWEAR IF YOU DONT SHOOT ME AFTER I WILL SHOOT YOU. Also I think picnics are cute

My biggest pet peeves: leaving the toilet seat up. Not pushing in your chair. Not cleaning up after yourself

A description of the girl/boy I like: a girl, she's funny and smart, like really fucking smart. Tall. Black curly hair. Weird in a good way. A boy, I haven't liked a boy since high school but they were all wrestlers, brown hair, & glasses.

Description of the person I dislike most: I'll leave this one blank

A reason I've lied to a friend: to not hurt their feelings

What I hate most about work/school: work is fine, it's calm, most of the time. A couple assholes here and there but it's a library, the people I deal with want to be there.

What my last text message says: I wish you the best of the luck

What I find attractive in women: intelligence and kindness

find attractive in men: glasses(?) I've never gotten close with a guy I've had a crush on so idk. Being a nerd maybe

Where I would like to live: where I am now, in my home town

One of my insecurities: my dark body hair

My childhood career choice: veterinarian

Favorite flavor of ice cream: cookie dough! Though, Häagen-Dazs Caramel cone is to die for

The last thing I ate: hamburger helper tomato basil penne

Sexiest person that comes to mind immediately: cody christian

A random fact about anything: the average person has about 5 liters of blood in them. Losing 2 liters of it, there's a good chance you’ll die. Losing 1 1/2, good chance you’ll be okay. Losing 1, eh you’ll live. Losing 1/2, you will mostly definitely be okay. I also know what that person will feel like when losing that much blood, I have it written down somewhere. Good for writing

[topazadine]

Developing Character Agency (Or; Cutting the Plot Strings)

Earlier, I discussed some quality assurance checks for characterization, which mentioned character agency quite a few times. Now I'd like to delve deeper into how to develop agency in a way that feels natural.

This post by Mystic Scribe explains agency very well, but I'll distil it down for those who don't feel like reading that post.

Agency is when characters make choices that influence the plot rather than always being acted upon by the plot. These actions change the course of the story and lead to richer characterization.

Characters that lack agency often are held together by "plot strings" (informal term) that make it seem like they luck out every time and go exactly where they are supposed to. This is common in the Chosen One trope, where a woefully inadequate character somehow gets everything done and meets all the right people and is just perfect always for some reason.

There can be complex chains of consequences that lead characters to certain places, but ultimately, the character chooses to go to those places and set off those chain reactions. Sometimes they can be forced by circumstances beyond their control, but their reactions to those circumstances determines whether they have agency or not.

With that in mind, let's delve a bit more into character agency, including why it is important and how to improve it.

(As always, this is just my opinion, and you may disagree, and that is fine. Take what you like and leave the rest.)

Why Is Character Agency So Important?

Agency deepens characterization so that characters feel like real people, not cardboard cutouts there to push a plot forward.

The character's motivations create complications, especially when they are contrary to what the plot demands. It is why we root for a character to get what they want, and why they feel so special.

Now, I am stereotyping a bit here, but literary novels often have characters that lack agency and depth; it's clear that the author wanted the plot to go a certain way, so they made up someone to be their spokesperson for that plot.

Generic novels often have more dynamic characters because they are focused on why that character had to be the one to do this. This difference is why characters like Sherlock Holmes are beloved centuries later, and no one remembers Dr. Hesselius from In a Glass Darkly (the book that gave us Carmilla the lesbian vampire). Dr. Hesselius was basically the 19th century Rod Serling going "damn, wasn't that fucked up? Anyway, I'm Dr. Hesselius."

So characters with agency are memorable, intriguing, and unique. They are who sticks with us long after we put a book down, and they are often the reason that certain books are beloved over others.

Since most of us writers want to make books people remember, we've got to give characters agency.

Tactics for Demonstrating Agency

The character has a motivation that interferes with the plot.

You will need to understand your character's motivations first before developing the plot, as this will make it inevitable that they are sucked into the story and that they will make choices that push things around.

Take Bilbo Baggins. He is intriguing because he has two contradictory motivations: one that pulls him back and one that pushes him further into the plot. Bilbo wants to live a simple normal Hobbit life, but he also wants to go on adventures, which are very unhobbitlike. The wanderlust slowly starts to overtake his reluctance until he is right there in the thick of things.

For maximum benefit, considering pulling a Bilbo: having two contradictory motivations that must be reconciled through the plot. This could be a desire for normalcy versus a deep curiosity, or wanting to avenge someone but being too timid to do it.

The character resists the call, resulting in complications.

I'm sure we're all sick of the Hero's Journey plot by this point, as it can be quite formulaic when done wrong. However, resisting the call demonstrates agency, and it also means the character must find a way to reconcile their reluctance with pressing needs.

Their reluctance must be understandable by their aforementioned motivations. Maybe the character has a young child that they don't want to leave behind, or they don't like change.

The character is drawn into the plot by their personality.

On the other hand, we have characters who initiate contact with our plot. A common tactic in mysteries, this develops a sense of inevitability that does not strip agency. We see that the character is enthusiastically engaging with and guiding the plot, sometimes to their own detriment.

A character who chooses the plot also avoids the question of why this character in particular is chosen for this quest.

The character has goals outside of the plot that cause problems.

When a character has a "side quest" that is incompatible with the plot, they may rebel against it or make incorrect decisions that lead to greater trouble.

Maybe a character escapes from prison and finds someone who gives them a clue that helps them when they are recaptured. The goal here, obviously, is going home.

These sudden reveals may push the plot forward, but it's important to avoid too many coincidences or you've got plot strings again.

The character must balance contradictory desires.

This is the end result of having additional motivations and goals beyond what the plot wants from them.

Balance can be an excellent way to introduce agency because the character must play a complicated game of trade-offs and benefits in order to try to satisfy every desire. This forces them to make choices, which will inevitably shift the plot around.

The character screws up by dint of who they are as a person.

This could be impulsiveness, naivete, blinding loyalty, overcuriosity, being judgmental, or even nastier traits like a mean streak or racism.

The fall from grace makes them have to scrabble their way back to the plot. It also avoids idiot plots, which could be solved by everyone not acting as stupidly as humanly possible. We understand that it was inevitable for them to fail in this particular way, and we need to see how they overcome this flaw.

The character lacks essential knowledge, which results in wrong decisions.

I'm not talking about not knowing how to cook or something, but key information that is crucial to the plot's resolution. There has to be a reason that they don't have this knowledge, such as not meeting someone who has the important information.

An especially fun way to solve this is to have this info being assumed as common knowledge. Other characters are then making choices based on the knowledge that is being withheld not by malice or negligence, but by wrong assumptions.

How to Create Agency

Find a character's motivation that is not directly related to solving the plot. Identify how this can create complications in the plot.

Develop conflicting desires that shift throughout the story.

Choose an additional goal that must be sacrificed, downplayed, or indulged in order to create complications.

Understand the character's personality (shy, bold, overconfident, moralistic, know-it-all, impulsive, timid, loyal, etc) and identify how this would make it inevitable that they would come into contact with the plot.

Use character flaws to create inevitable failures because of who the character is.

Withold key information from the character that they must seek.

I've created a masterlist of writing resources that you can peruse at your leisure, all for free.

The posts I write can sometimes take me hours - they're always intricate, always thoughtful.

I do this as a labor of love for the writing community, sharing what I have learned from almost 15 years of creative writing.

However, if you'd like to support me, maybe you'll consider buying my book for $1.99?

9 Years Yearning is a gay coming-of-age romance set in a fantasy world. It follows Uileac Korviridi, a young soldier training at the War Academy. His primary motivations are honoring the memory of his late parents, protecting his little sister Cerie, and becoming a top-notch soldier.

However, there's a problem: Orrinir Relickim, a rough and tough fellow pupil who just can't seem to leave Uileac alone.

The book features poetry, descriptions of a beautiful country inspired by Mongolia, and a whole lot of tsundere vibes.

You can also check it out on Goodreads for a list of expanded distribution.

If you do purchase my book, don't forget to leave a review!

Reviews are vital for visibility on Amazon and help to support indie authors like me. Whenever you love a book, be sure to let the author know! It's much appreciated.

[sultanaislammow]

Xiaohongshu’s popular articles about cute pets

Case 13: Human food suitable for cats, healthy and nutritious!

The headlines of Xiaohongshu’s popular HE Tuber articles: “Human food suitable for cats” and “Healthy and nutritious” aroused the curiosity of users, making them want to know which human food is safe for cats.

The cover of Xiaohongshu’s popular article: The cover shows a cute cat and some healthy human food. This combination attracts the attention of cat owners and cat lovers. The four big words “Give cats more food” make users want to Click to learn more.

The content of Xiaohongshu’s explosive article: I thought there was a burglar in my home, but it turned out to be a mistake. The story begins with a detailed introduction to which human foods are suitable for cats to eat, as well as the health and nutritional value of these foods to cats. The article may also provide some suggestions, such as food selection, cat food intake and feeding methods. This practical information allows readers to provide more diverse dietary choices for their cats while ensuring their health.

Comments on Xiaohongshu’s hot article: Many cat owners in the comment area shared their experiences in feeding their cats human food and their affirmation of these suggestions. At the same time, some users may have raised questions or expressed concerns about certain foods, which triggered more discussions and exchanges about cat diets.

Copied homework: Mainly because it successfully captures the needs of cat owners and cat lovers: providing cats with a healthy, nutritious and diverse diet. The practical information and suggestions in the article allow readers to easily practice it in their own homes, while also You can give your cat more food, thereby increasing the likelihood of sharing and recommendation.

8. Xiaohongshu’s popular travel articles

Case 14: It’s the first time for a southerner to go to the north to experience taking a bath, and he will come again next time

The title of Xiaohongshu’s popular article: This title arouses readers’ curiosity and makes people want to know about the southerners’ first experience of taking a rubbish bath in the north. At the same time, the "will come again next time" in the title implies that the experience is positive, attracting more people to want to know more details.

The cover of Xiaohongshu’s popular article: The cover shows a scene of two people in a bathhouse, and the two are dancing, implying that bathing in the north really makes people happy. This visual effect inspires readers to want to know more about The curiosity of northern rubbish.

The content of Xiaohongshu’s explosive article: The content describes the author’s bathing process in the north, including the environment, services, and feeling of bathing in the bathhouse. The author may also describe his or her own feelings through humor and relaxed language, making it easier for readers to relate. The article may also include some background information about the northern rubbish culture to give southern readers a deeper understanding of this lifestyle.

Comments on Xiaohongshu’s popular article: Many users in the comment area shared their experiences of taking a bath in the north, and expressed their curiosity and yearning for this culture. Some users may also discuss the differences in bathing culture between the north and the south, triggering more discussions about regional differences.

Copy assignment: This note focuses on the cultural differences between the north and the south. This difference itself will arouse people's curiosity. The first-hand experience in the note makes it easier for readers to relate to it. The author shares his personal experience and tells it in vivid and humorous language, making readers feel as if they are actually there. By sharing your own experiences, opinions or questions, you can increase interaction and discussion and make your notes more active.

9. Final summary

Finally, I want to say: Not just any content published by Xiaohongshu can become a hit article. Don’t think about saying everything. It is best to explain one piece of content thoroughly, which will make it easier to publish a hit article with thousands of likes. During the creative process, we You should focus on a certain field or topic and dig deep into its connotation and value to present rich, detailed and in-depth content.

By optimizing the content structure, using vivid language, adding interactive elements, and paying attention to communication and promotion, we can improve the quality and attractiveness of our notes, making it easier to get 10,000 likes on the Xiaohongshu platform, and also provide us with Gain more fans and recognition.

[gingermcl]

In a standard dictionary, the word advice means “guidance or recommendations offered, a formal notice of a financial transaction, or information; news”

In an etymology dictionary Advice means “opinion” from Old French avis "opinion, view, judgment, idea" (13c.), from Latin videre "to see" from PIE root *weid- "to see”

When I looked at this word, I thought of it as add a Vice.a vice is like a bad habit or in this instance bad information. Interesting that banking and news are mentioned in the definition because both of those industries (banking and mainstream media) are based on deception. How many times have you gone against your internal knowing your gut instinct and instead followed the advice of someone else only for it to blow up in your face? We are surrounded by mind control programming from second we come out of the womb and all of it focuses on getting man to doubt the self & to go against the gut instinct and blindly follow the external. A whole bunch of us doing wrong doesn’t make it right. Your intuition, your inner voice, your gut instinct is actually the God inside of you. Your heart, soul, and mind are the most precious gifts that your creator gave you and to follow a book or anything else man made over your whole being, your being that is a fractal of your creator, is disrespecting God. I broke apart ad-vice and looked at each syllable separately.

Ad means “toward or in addition to” from Latin ad "to, toward" from PIE root *ad- "to, near, at." I also thought of add with two D’s which means “to join or unite (something to something else,) attach, place upon”

Vice n.1 means “moral fault, wickedness," Vice n.2 also means “deputy, assistant, substitute, instead of, in place of,"from Latin vitium "defect, offense, blemish, imperfection," which is of uncertain origin.

To give advice……. Especially if you aren’t asked - could be directing someone toward moral fault, toward wickedness, or placing blemishes or offenses upon another. Even if your intention is 100% pure, you still could be misguiding someone because of your personal beliefs and because you do not know anyone else’s entire story. I’m not gonna get into how religion pushers do this on a daily basis.

Only the individual knows everything they’ve thought, everything they’ve seen, etc. If someone expresses to you that they feel strongly called to certain action, we should listen instead of us attempting to fill someone with fear or talk them out of it based on our own perspective. I’ve heard people say that collecting crystals is a sin. So to honor part of God’s creation is a sin? Interesting perspective.

We should listen to why someone wants to make a particular choice. We often do not know what someone’s options are for them to choose from. Only the individual knows their entire situation. Many folks start rattling off unwanted advice without even knowing anything about a person or the situation at hand. This world is not a black-and-white world, it hi is a shade of gray. Actions that sound like they are horrible can actually be justified if you know the entire story. If someone essays your child, you might commit a horrible crime, possibly not the best choice but understandable if you know the whole situation.

It is so important for us to become comfortable standing in our sovereign authority. I do not answer to anyone in this world. I’ll only answer to the creator within myself, and she’s a bit tired of being disrespected. I appreciate other perspectives and will listen to you, but don’t expect your views will make another change their mind. Humans have been programmed with a savior complex. Again that’s to keep us from healing the self. It is not your job to guide me on my life journey, it is only your job to guide yourself. We should not expect that others take our advice and get mad if one doesn’t. This world is big enough for us all to exist with different perspectives. If you repeatedly get mad, when other people have a difference of opinion from you, you have inner child trauma in need of healing.

I am very mindful of how I word things. I’m only here to share my truth and my experiences, if you resonate with those things and have concluded the same that’s great. If you do not agree with anything, I say that’s great. What is irrational to one man is wisdom to another. It really depends on what your individual soul level is. Just because my perspective is different doesn’t mean I’m asking you to change yours.

[earth2hope]

Genre Analysis

Hope Coardes

Professor Sean

Writing, Literacy, & Discourse

20, October 2022

Genre Analysis

A genre of a story or novel can change its message and how the message may come off to the readers. Authors know this and choose particular genres for their stories and write them in a way to ensure that their message comes across how they intended for it to come across and that there is no confusion in what they were trying to convey. Different genres such as an essay may have the purpose of educating someone and comes off as scholarly, while a diary entry format may give the readers a more personal perspective of the story and allows the message to be clear as it has the exact words and thoughts of the author, leaving no room for misinterpretation. Two authors we can look at to further discuss genres and their impact on a message are Geneva Smitherman’s English Teacher, Why You Be Doing the Thangs You Don't Do? and Alice Childress’s Childress’s Like One of the Family. Both works have the intended purpose of spreading information on something that was occurring but is written in two different ways, evoking different emotions and reactions from the readers. 

Smitherman’s genre could be considered an English journal; An English journal in my definition is a piece of scholarly writing that covers a topic of the author's choice. It isn’t like a research paper as it is based on opinions and most of the time personal experiences. There are also elements of a play as it contains the discussion between what seems to be a couple. The use of the play is a unique addition but an important one. The play adds a break from the heaviness of the topic being discussed but also gives an example of what she is talking about. The conversation adds an element of “reality” to the reader's ability to read and understand what it is like to have these conversations in real life. Her journal was originally published by the National Council of Teachers of English in 1972. The period in which it was published also plays a role in the importance of the genre. Smitherman took the courage to write and publish something that many would rather ignore, all while being a black scholarly woman. Smitherman’s main message seems to be the struggles and inconsistencies in a black child’s education, especially women's. Ranging from how they are taught to act a certain way to please their peers and teachers and not play into the stereotype, But the largest message to the audience is the inconsistency and constant push to make black kids the smartest and most eloquent in the room to size up to white kids and be on their “level”. Her use of an English journal was a good one in my opinion because it allows the reader to know their reading something from a scholar and they are reliable, but they are also building a more personal perspective and connection to the author. The audience could be any black child that has done schooling, especially ones in the “ghetto”. Smitherman is tackling an issue that most don’t address because it is a controversial topic. The idea of the students being negatively enforced to be more linguistic and talk a certain way is controversial because it isn’t something you can prove with hard evidence, but instead something most people know exists and just deal with it. When brought up many would-be gaslit, Smitherman knows this and is addressing the people who have dealt with it and is providing them with reassurance and validation in their experiences. The genre is an important element to the overall message and without it I believe it would not have the same effect or come off the same way as it did.

On the other hand Childress had a completely different approach on getting her message through. In Childress’s Like One of the Family the genre is a diary entry. A diary entry is a collection of thoughts, emotions, and events that a person could be reflecting on in their diary. These entries are personal and allows a reader to get a first hand account of what is occurring in the author’s life. I believe that is why the genre being a diary entry is so important for the message of Childress’s work. She is explaining life as a working Black woman in the 1950’s-60’s in the city. The use of a diary entry is clever, it allows the reader to connect more with the author and grasp what she was going through. Having access to her emotions and encounters with people such as her boss comes in handy because there is no room for interpretation. The reader doesn’t have to guess the conditions or come to their own conclusions because everything is laid out for them. Another element of the story could be historical, as it is taking the readers back in time to learn about the conditions. The book was published in 1956 and that can be seen throughout with the language used and events that take place. The genre helps with those two things as a diary entry comes off like you are inside someone’s mind and hearing their thoughts. Childress’s thoughts would reflect the period she was currently in, hence the content ofthe entries. Her audience could be anyone as the purpose of her work was to talk about her daily life and problems in and out of work. 

The genre of both of these works are important and if swapped the meaning would not be the same. If Smitherman’s work was a historical diary entry it would come off more as a venting piece and perhaps not taken as seriously. Her use of an English journal and the group that published it leads people to take it as more of a “fact” and that it isn’t just someone talking about their personal experience. If it was a diary entry people may not have been able to relate or perhaps not even read it because they believe they wouldn’t be able to relate due to it being a recap of her own life. When it is something like an English journal people are being educated on a topic but also getting to know the author and what their encounters with a specific topic may have been like. While Childress’s work wouldn’t be able to be an English journal because her work is extremely personal and her experience wouldn’t make people have as much of an emotional reaction to it. The genre is also important and couldn’t be changed out because of the historical context behind it. First hand accounts and stories on black women in the workforce in the city are rare and the use of a diary entry allows people to step into her shoes and understand what she went through, and what other people in the time may have went through. Her language also comes in to play, as it is more casual because it is her thoughts written down on paper. If it was an English paper the words and phrases she used may come off as inappropriate for the genre.

Many things go into the overall message of a story but genre is one of the most important factors. If you were to take different stories amd switch their genre’s the message would not be as strongly seen but also may not be the same at all. It may be difficult to write certain stories and experiences in a different genre, as they would have to change the layout and dialect used in it, which changes the story overall.

[kaitsnarrative]

Respect through Language

Does language determine the amount of respect given? This is a common question asked amongst the people in our society. Everyone seems to have their own altered opinions on the subject. One of these people happens to be Rob Jenkins (2018), an author of the article, “We Must Help Students Master Standard English.”In this article, Jenkins mentions how there are many highly respected people with a lesser education. For example, “think of the retired professional athletes who go into television: Many of them were indifferent students and perhaps left college early” (1). This provides insight on the idea of respect not being directly correlated with the language of a person. It doesn’t take perfect language in order to gain the respect of one’s peers. He argues that intelligence and how one talks will not affect the way others see them. However, many people don’t see it to be this way. Many argue that the way one talks can truly change others' perception of them. I argue that ideas similar to Rob Jenkins are incorrect. Everyone is entitled to their own ideas and opinions, but I feel as if the way one talks and perceives themselves can alter the respect given by others. Respect is a very important aspect in the everyday lives of individuals. Respect is the driving force between interactions in society. Without it, the amount of hostility and chaos in this world would be nearly unmanageable. 

The way that someone speaks is one of the first impressions we get of that person. Knowing this, think about meeting someone who cannot speak what we consider to be “perfect” English. Does their inability to speak English in the way we expect automatically mean they should be treated disrespectfully? The way that someone is raised to speak should be respected whether or not you understand it. Speaking a different language may have limiting effects, however, it does not give anyone the right to be disrespectful. The limitations are enough of a problem already. A great example of how language affects respect is through Amy Tan (1990). Amy Tan is an American author. She has published several novels. Amy Tan is the author of the article, “Mother Tongue”. In this article, she shares ideas and stories with the readers, which relate to the question being asked. One of those stories being about her mother. Tan’s mother went to the hospital for a diagnosis. She was unable to get one because of her inability to speak “perfect” English. Unable to get the diagnosis, “she would not leave until the doctors called her daughter” (1). When they finally obliged, Tan spoke to them in her “perfect English” and they suddenly were able to give a diagnosis. They appeared to disregard her and her questions solely off of her inability to speak their idea of “perfect” English. This is a clear example of how language can often be used as a way of gauging the amount of respect given to an individual.

A man by the name of Taylor Mali provided his listeners with more information on how language can affect the respect given to an individual. In his slam poetry, Totally, Like Whatever, Mali provides insight into the negative side effects that come with this correlation between language and respect. He says, “we’re the most aggressively inarticulate generation to come along” (Mali, 2010, 2:05). This quote was truly able to grasp my attention. This is a very prevalent thought within society today. There is a vast variety of thoughts and opinions on every topic out there. There are many people who speak without any consideration of how their words may affect others. However, we as a society have grown to realize that we need to be careful with our word choice and language, for saying the wrong thing could lead to the disrespect of a certain person or group. 

There are several ways the language of an individual can affect the amount of respect they are given. One of which could be seen in more of a professional or schooling setting. In these settings, an individual could be asked to write several documents. The struggle for an individual to write to the standards of their superiors could lead to a lower degree of respect given. A great example of this can be shown by the work of Ocean Vuong. He is a Vietnamese American poet, essayist, and novelist. He has won many awards and published several novels. Ocean Vuong (2016) is the author of an article called, Surrendering. In this article, Vuong talks about his struggle to write the English language. While in school, Vuong was often expected to write out assignments for his classes. Struggling to do so, he would rarely complete any of his work. However, there was a specific assignment in which Vuong decided he wanted to complete. This assignment asked him to write a poem. To do this, he listened to a cassette tape of a speech. He became deeply motivated and was able to transport his thoughts onto paper. Upon turning in the assignment, his teacher accused him of plagiarism. Vuong’s poem contained “perfect” English, throwing the teacher off guard and causing him to accuse Vuong of cheating. He constantly dealt with minimal respect due to his struggle to write “perfect” English. At the end of his article, Voung said, “I had read books that weren’t books, and I had read them using everything but my eyes. From that invisible “reading,” I had pressed my world onto paper. As such, I was a fraud in a field of language, which is to say, I was a writer” (1). In this quote, Vuong is expressing not only that he found a different source to help him write his poem, but that through using this, he was disrespected for this new language he had learned. I feel as if an individual who is brave enough to attempt a new language, especially in our society today, deserves more respect than they are often given. 

Looking back, each of these examples show that respect is either given or not based on the language spoken. Respect is not something that is immediately given, each person has to earn it. When I think about earning respect, I have to be able to communicate with the other person in order to receive it. How am I supposed to earn respect if I can not communicate with the other person? I understand that there are different types of dialects and what some people consider to be “broken” English and “perfect” English. However, each individual has learned, to an extent, standard English. Although, what about the individuals that are considered immigrants or that are not American? Do they still learn standard English, to an extent? 

[writingwithcolor]

I have a black character that I plan to have get the big chop as part of her journey to embracing her natural features and asserting independence. There's a couple other black and non black characters that play a role in her choice to do so. This is a major point in her story line but she is a side character. Are there any major potential pitfalls or places to be careful associated with writing about this? Thank you!

Black character embracing natural hair and features

Identity stories are best left to those who identify, in my opinion.

You state this is a major part of her story, which makes me think her story might be a Black + identity story. Stories heavily devoted to topics such as a Black woman embracing her features and natural hair requires a lot of nuance that an outside perspective may miss. 

I believe these stories are best left to those from the group, who often struggle to get their own stories heard. Also, I take notice when only BIPOC must have the identity story in a tale while others just get to exist without the emotional weight of questioning, embracing and struggling with their identities. I do not know if that’s the case for your story, but it’s something to keep in mind and do a comparative check on.

As we mention in the “topics to avoid” guide (for authors outside of the group)

 “Identity stories deserve special mention because some topics are extremely nuanced and cannot be researched.”

I think the natural hair and self-love can be researched pretty well, to a point, but that still doesn’t mean a non-Black person is automatically equipped to write it.

My advice on handling this topic

Ask yourself if you’re the right voice to tell this story. 

What are your intentions? 

Is your voice welcomed and did they ask for it? 

If you intend to help give a voice to x group, note that they already have one. Sometimes it's best to sit back and let those folks be heard directly. 

A second-hand perspective has high potential for missing nuance and leading to misrepresentation. A lot of people would prefer no representation over poor or misrepresented information.

First hand sources

Read personal accounts from people who have had this journey. From books, articles, blogs, vlogs, and social media, those stories are out there and are free to access. 

Keep some aspects open to interpretation

If written, I recommend to keep it vague: When things happen that you might not know the full in’s and out’s of, it’s okay to not explore it in depth. In the same way you could mention a mechanic fixing a car without detailing exactly what they did to fix it. 

Use pointers to indicate “things are happening” without feeling obliged to detail everything the character may be feeling. You can allow the reader to fill in the blanks on what is happening with them and the emotional takeaways.

FYI: Black people can love themselves without “embracing” their natural hair, and more general tips.

They don’t have to cut out their straightened hair (aka the big chop) or even stop wearing their hair straight to love themselves, either. 

Some people may prefer straight hair for many reasons.

Some folks have tried being natural, and would prefer a relaxer, use wigs, weaves, or to heat straighten. Some of those are technically still natural, though! 

Others may jump between different styles for fun and variety. Or wear certain styles as a protective style seasonally or whenever they feel like it. Either way, their reasons are their own.

The big chop isn’t always required for all people going natural, so again, this is something you’d need to research heavily to “get right.”

On that same note, not one story is the same.

Get opinions

Get the perspective of a wide variety of Black writers / readers. Are they comfortable with the execution of the story? 

Listen to them. Improve, reduce or remove detals as needed. 

You can still have a character go through a journey of coming-of-age, independence and self-love without making it a Black identity story.

More reading

WWC - Identity tag

Why Insiders Can Write Their Experience 

~Colette

[blushing-titan]

a lot of people call eh homophobic, what are your thoughts about it?

Hello! I spoke about it briefly here, but I'll gladly repeat myself - most of them are BSing hypocrites lol

First and foremost - it's 2022...I thought at this point people would have the concept of bisexuality grasped (especially those who consider themselves allies or even part of the LGBTQ). Personally, I ship both yh and eh, and I never understood how Historia liking Eren would mean that she's never liked Ymir in the first place. Sadly, even nowadays there are still people who believe you can either be hetero or gay - nothing in between - and will completely dismiss bisexuality. The "B" in LGBTQ stands for something, you know?

On top of that, it's just wonderful how these "fans" are the first to come after you for shipping fanon, but are always comfortably quiet when it comes to "problematic" (...AKA "not lining up with their opinion) stuff that comes from the canon itself....

a) Ymir disappears from the story and Historia canonically marries a guy - the farmer. At first, you could argue that she did it only as a cover up, but it was emphasized in the earlier parts of the story how they weren't married, despite him being the father of her child. In the end, however, it was revealed that she married him, after all. This information could be left out, as it's not essential to the story - but it's there, emphasizing that it was Historia's choice.

b) Let's take a look at Attack on school castes, the AU that the author liked so much that it got referenced in the OG manga/anime. The characters are portrayed as modern-world teenagers, but their personalities are built upon their original ones - and so do most of the relationships. Mikasa is still into Eren, Jean is pursuing Mikasa, Reiner simps for Historia, and Ymir does so even harder - to the point where her description comes down to:

...and what about Historia? Well, she treats Ymir as the air, or a tool at best. Peak ShIp ExSpOsUrE.

(I also find it quite ironic how focused Historia is on Eren in this AU)

c) Let me also remind you that there was a piece of comedic advertising material in which Historia tells Rod that she has a boyfriend. It would look kind of icky if Historia was confirmed to be a lesbian, but guess what? She never was in the first place, and it all comes down to this simple fact, really.

...one more time - I myself ship yh, too. This post is not againt it - I just wanted to show how much hypocrisy and double-standards are there when it comes to this subject among certain people in the fandom.

So yeah, in conclusion - I disagree with such statements, and I'm honestly baffled that this discussion is still ongoing. The ship itself is not homophobic, Historia's orientation has never been confirmed, and bi people exist. Simple as that.

[tricktster]

the twilight series suddenly makes 100% more sense if you read them under a specific premise that, i contend, is heavily supported by the text:

Much like Amy’s diary in Gone Girl, the books in the Twilight Saga are verbatim reproductions of in-universe diary entries carefully and deliberately created and curated by badass unreliable narrator Bella Swan as a means to achieve immortality.

Prerequisite assumptions:

1) Bella actively and persistently wants to become a vampire, both diagetically and (I contend) non-diagetically. The average vampire novel format often fails to capture realistic human behavior in one highly specific area: the protagonists are frequently mortals who grapple with the choice of whether to become a vampire. This is stupid, because being a vampire would obviously be dope as hell; particularly in the Twilight Universe, where vampires are not required to take a human life to survive, and indeed, have the capacity to live full and rewarding lives while integrated* into the human community.

(*integrated-ish; see Assumption 6)

2. There are too many coincidences for Bella to have encountered the Cullens by sheer chance, only to be the ONE person that Edward can’t live without (due largely to the novelty factor of not being able to read her ding-dang thoughts.)

3. Diagetically, the Volturi don’t even know Bella’s psyonic gifts until New Moon, but we also know that the Volturi scour the globe for recruits to enlist into the protection of their governing body.

4. Nobody wants to be a voiceless cog in a bureaucracy.

5. Nobody, and especially nobody in high school, wants to be a high school student forever.

6. Vampires in twilight are, as a group, cartoonishly terrible at disguising their true nature.

7. Forks is a backwater town approximately 3.5 hours away from the biotech hub of Seattle.

7. George W. Bush and Dick Cheney can eat my farts and they deserve to be preserved in this snapshot of an innocent author’s mind slowly unraveling.

Proposed timeline:

In 1993, there is a key system meltdown at a improvised biohacking startup in Seattle, rendering all innovative genetic modification experiments into a puddle of brown sludge that nobody can figure out how to dispose of per Federal regs, since they don’t even know what it is.

The broke founder of the startup, who for the purposes of this timeline I will call Jeff Bezos because that’s who it was, eventually grows tired of all the discussion about what to do, and just pops it in a barrel, drives a few hours out of town, and dumps it in a pond.

Bella Swan, a small child, is hanging out at a park with her family friend Jacob Black (and a ton of his friends) when they all decide to wade in a slightly murky pond. Thereafter, they are transformed.

Bella grows up as a normal, highly powerful mutant with a +20 to deception checks and wisdom saves. She lives in Arizona, but up until 2002, summers in Forks. While in Forks, she picks up on the local lore about a family of vampires who don’t eat people.

Because Forks (population: 17 + Charlie’s mustache) is boring, Bella bones up on the only interesting thing about it, i.e. Vampire Hometown baybeeeee.

In 2000, George W. Bush gets elected president, and his evangelical politics and general bumbling ineptitude informs Bella’s opinions on authoritative governmental entities.

In 2001, the Cullens make their intention to move back to Forks known, but they take a while because they need to pack all their stupid graduation hats and volvos, etc.

Later in 2001, a psychic Volturi scout rolls through Forks to ensure that nobody within living memory recalls the Cullens, and notices an anomaly in the psychic field.

The scout goes to confront Bella about joining the Volturi, and Bella immediately clocks him as a vampire, because vampires in the Twilight Universe fucking suck at looking/acting human. This leaves the scout in a bind: she’s too valuable to kill, but she’s a pre-teen, and therefore too young to be transformed per Volturi authority.

The scout warns her he’ll have to kill her if she discusses the existence of vampires with any human. He then tells her he’ll be back in five years, and begins to sweet talk her on how good life will be when she’s a vampire, beautiful, immortal, powerful, etc. Bella asks if she has to kill, and dude says “nah, actually there’s a bunch of vegetarian vampires who are moving back here soon. Fucking nerds, but otherwise they’re doing well.” Bella is all about becoming a vampire, because Bella is a rational actor.

Bella moves to Arizona, and as the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq are unjustifiedly initiated, she recognizes that while she DOES want to be a vampire, she does NOT want to be a foot soldier in any war that she can’t support. She needs a plan.

In 2004, Bella is watching her step-dad’s minor league baseball game when it occurs to her. On her own, she’s a target for the Volturi, but if she had some people to watch her back, she might be okay. Of course, nobody fucks with the Volturi on behalf of some rando human. She’ll need to con her way into a coven who’ll have her back and also give her that +10 to constitution via vampiric transformation, which she desperately wants because she’s a rational actor. And where are the non-volturi vampires that might have her back? Fucking Forks.

Bella moves to Forks in 2004, and upon seeing the Cullens, she immediately clocks them as vampires even though they left their “we’re all vampires” booty shorts at home, because, as previously discussed, vampires in the Twilight Universe fucking suck at looking/acting human.

Bella notes that all the vampires but one are paired off in heterosexual bliss, and takes note of the straggler as a potential vehicle to vampyrdom.

Bella figures out that Eddie can read everyone’s mind but hers, because Edward Cullen fucking sucks at looking/acting like a human who can’t read minds. Bella further observes that Eddie has a huge undead boner for her.

She’s found her mark. Now she just needs to convince him that she’s better off as part of the coven than on her own. Problem: Eddie’s a self-pitying insufferably guilt-striken perpetual adolescent who keeps himself busy by feeling sorry for himself because he’s a vampire, angst angst angst etc etc. Also, I think he’s Catholic, so add some more guilt in. She’ll have to win him over by convincing him that they’re destined to be soulmates.

What does a vampire used to having complete insight into everyone’s mind but his crush’s want? A method to know what she really thinks of him. Bella begins writing a “diary” knowing that there’s no way in hell Eddie won’t sneak in and read it. So she Gone Girls it, and begins to lay a trap to lure him in. That first diary? Twilight.

This was just in the movie but a stoner chases her around with a worm on a stick. Nothing to do with this theory, I just like that part of the movie. Where’s my spinoff about that guy?

Eddie won’t give Bella what she wants (eternal life) by the end of book 1, even though she asks him to EXTREMELY POLITELY. Time to hit the diary with some more promises of undying love.

Bella reconnects with her old friend Jacob and the rest of the Mutated By Jeff Bezos Boys. Alas, they cannot turn her into a physically powerful sexy immortal with a bite, so she’s still stuck with plan A) win over a whole family of vampires with big Mormon energy. It’s the long con.

Edward’s angst abruptly takes a swing towards terminal. He’s absolutely your classic sadboy, perhaps because Bella now has one (1) friend that he knows about.

When Eddie begins to drift away on account of Angst, Bella conjurs up a secondary love interest who, coincidentally, is ALSO a sexy supernatural entity, and is much less coincidentally just Jacob.

We should establish here that Edward is like a 107 year old white dude and so even though Diary!Bella pretends not to see it, Metatextual Frame Story!Bella knows that dude is super racist.

Jacob Black is three things: 1. Like Bella, a mutant (although one with shapeshifting abilities), 2.one of Bella’s oldest and most trusted confidants, and 3. down to clown on an elderly teenage vampire who keeps stereotyping him. Sure, says Jacob, I’ll take the form of a werewolf. He seriously thinks we’re all just beastmen, huh? Hey look at me now, I’m Regis Philbin because this is 2005 and Who Wants to be a Millionaire is still sort of relevant. Sick.

Edward does not like that Bella has one (1) other friend. Bella and Jacob plot to use this to their advantage and lure Edward back on the wings of jealousy.

Eddie gets himself into trouble on account of Angst and poor communication, so Bella has to go rescue him from himself/the Volturi.

Aro finally meets her and gets to test her powers, which impress him. Now she’s back on the fucking radar.

I forget everything that happens in Eclipse, so i have chosen to omit that part.

Eventually she extracts a quid pro quo from Eddie; i’ll marry you if you turn me into a dracula.

We don’t really call ourselves that, Wet Blanket Cullen replies, entirely earnestly.

Bella gets married at 18 in 2006, and Eddie starts to backtrack his promise about changing her. This won’t stand.

Well, look, he’s an elderly guilty catholic/mormon teen who probably still uses super racist terms, but she’s stuck on honeymoon island, he has certain angles that work for him, and seriously what are they gonna do but fuck? Bella’s alternative is listening to her “husband” drone on about his interests, which are almost certainly Car, How Do I Post a Minion Picture on Facebook, and Licorice Used To Be a Lot Cheaper in the Good Old Days.

Whoops a fetus.

Bella recognizes that she’s GOT to have this baby: time’s running out, and Bella knows that at least two of the Vamps in her coven will cut ties if she terminates or otherwise fails to carry this baby to term because of the conservative religious subtext. She’s going to have to stick it out for 9 months, even though it’s a risky call.

Bella gets what she wants after giving birth. “My time as a human is over, but I've never felt more alive. I was born to be a vampire.” That’s a direct quote. Except now she’s got a (pretty cute and easy) baby that she desperately wants to protect from Turning Into A Vaguely Religious Cullen Dressed Head To Toe In Cream Colored Wool.

Bella decides to fake her own death and escape with the kid and Jake so they can form i guess a detective agency. Bella will get “killed” by the Volturi, move to Sydney, and open up shop, and Jake will take the kid after her a few months later.

They’re gonna need a reason why Jake gets the kid though, and there’s only one reason to do anything amongst the Cullens: a heterosexual love interest with a super problematic age gap.

Jesus, Jake sighs, is Eddie really going to believe I’m in romantic love with your actual infant? Does he really think that little of me?

Yup.

Bella tries to draw the Volturi’s attention.

Works too well.

The Cullens call up all their vague acquaintances, who are at least kind of fun. Particularly that one dude who keeps getting angry about British conduct during the American Revolution.

Well, fuck, now the Volturi are bringing an army to fight their ragtag army of Vampires Who Are Cool And Interesting Enough That We Can Safely Presume They Are All Definitely Gay. Bella can’t let those guys die, they’re the first actually compelling vampires she’s ever talked to.

Bella saves the day because she’s OP.

All the Cool Vamps start packing up to leave and Bellz almost goes with them, but the Cullens would just keep sending missionaries after her if they knew.

Bella finishes her fourth journal with the vague warning that the Volturi are still out there somewhere and they miiiight just try and get her.

Two days later, she stages a scuffle and gets the fork out of Fucks. Her journals are the only clue.

Sirius Black and baby nessie follow once edward has stopped sobbing into his cream colored sweater and moved on to Extended Power Pouting.

Bella recruits her own army of fledglings.

Bella stages a coup against the Volturi and succeeds.

Bella sits on the iron throne with a hot lady vampire on each knee and they all kiss and stuff.

Nessie I guess forms a post punk band?

Edward dies from aspiration of a brussel sprout that he ate because he just wanted to feel something.

Charlie and Billy get married.

Charlie’s mustache develops a cult instagram following, providing them with a modest retirement income.

Jacob shapeshifts into Bill Murray and is always crashing weddings.

Bella’s stepdad is off in the B plot this whole time winning the world series with the help of a kooky angel.

There. Fixed. My soul is at rest.