#an Even Gayer Panic original

[veryferaldistributions]

3. For each of the fandoms from day two, what were your favorite characters to write?

Fish Hooks: Mr. Baldwin (duh!).

I enjoy the challenge of this character. Mainly because his struggle in my stories is that he’s pregnant and about to be a dad and instead of being excited about it, he doesn’t really know what to feel. So I got to write his journey as he goes through the different emotions that he has about this process.

I also really enjoy writing the version of Ms. Lips I have in my work. She’s a much gentler, more emotionally-intelligent, and wittier character than the show’s version. She’s a much better partner for Baldwin, and he deserves good things! I also really loved exploring how she’d feel about becoming a mom to someone else’s kids.

I also just loved making Coach Salmons even gayer than he was on the show. (He flirts with Baldwin to annoy him.)

Penny Dreadful: Victor Frankenstein.

Granted, my fic features only him and Caliban, but I really enjoyed taking his paternal joy that he showered on Proteus, and exploring what might happen if he showed Caliban that same kindness. I loved getting to write him so soft, and have this AU where Caliban’s re-birth is something wonderful and celebrated instead of being a traumatic nightmare for both of them.

MamaBoy: Ditto. (No, seriously, that’s his name.)

I’m not certain how many people have seen this movie, but basically Ditto is the wingman of the main character, Kelly (who is also a boy, just for clarification). He is one of the WEIRDEST characters I’ve seen in anything ever. He wears the gaudiest clothing, is so nerdy and ADHD and socially awkward, yet somehow is best friends with the most popular guy in school and is BURSTING with self-confidence. (And is also played by Sinjin from “Victorious.”)

He is also a genuinely supportive, kind hearted friend who is in a heterosexual-marriage with his BFF. And flirts with him constantly. (But I couldn’t end up shipping them! I like them better as friends, tbh! Possibly the first/only time that’s happened to me.)

He is the perfect “Leah” to Kelly’s “Juno.” I love him, and loved writing him. (This movie is not good, btw, but Ditto IS.)

Good Omens: I’m sorry, this one is a copout, because I loved writing both Aziraphale AND Crowley too much to pick between them. I enjoyed writing Zira’s fussy, fretting, and uptight dialogue, but then also Crowley’s more laid-back relaxed parts. I also enjoyed just writing them very domestic and warm-fuzzy, then to have them kinda thrown into a panic when this baby (a girl) gets dumped on their doorstep…who happens to be the second coming of Jesus. 😂

The Neighbors: Jackie Joyner-Kersee.

For two reasons. First reason is the dialogue pattern of the aliens in this show. It was a fun challenge to stay in character with them without feeling like I was completely copying from the show. (For instance, they use their full names like a first name, or their pet-name for their significant other is just “husband” or “wife.”)

Second reason is that this fic focused on the cliffhanger ending of the show, where we find out the leader of the aliens, Larry Bird (Jackie’s husband) is pregnant with his third child, and then he and his family stay behind on earth when their whole colony goes back to their home planet. (The show got canceled after season two, so the plot was never resolved.)

It was fun to focus on a woman/man mpreg story, specifically when writing about Jackie’s envy of her husband’s ability to carry the children, she feels like he has this special relationship with them. So in this rare moment of kindness from Larry (he’s kind of an ass in the show), he helps her connect with their baby.

Re-Animator: (Do I even need to say it?) Herbert West.

I have THOROUGHLY enjoyed writing Herbert. He is an enigma all his own. I’ve mainly enjoy writing him because:

1. He is VERY autistic.

2. I get to do another Frankenstein story. (I’ve also done original work that mimics Frankenstein.)

3. This is my first time writing a trans character.

I am autistic, so I’ve enjoyed using him as my first exploration of writing an autistic character (even though some of my original characters have autistic tendencies). He’s just got this quirky yet dark sense of humor, but he’s also a workaholic “reagent” addict, and he’s completely full of himself. But he’s also, at least in my fic/Combs’ headcanon, asexual. Which is nice, because I am greysexual, so I don’t feel forced to write sex scenes in this fic! 😄

He’s also a MAJOR asshole! But that’s part of the fun of writing him; he says everything I could if I had no filter or common courtesy.

Also, yes, in my fic (and MANY others) Herbert is a trans man. This is admittedly hard for me to know if I get right, because I am not a trans man myself (I am, however, genderqueer/questioning) and while his transness is not the central focus of the story, it does play a big role in it. So it’s been interesting to walk this tightrope of investing some story in this side of the character, while also keeping Herbert, well, Herbert.

Equally hard tightrope is writing him as much of an ass as in the movies, while also trying to show enough of a reason for Dan Cain to want to be married to him. 😂

[evengayerpanic]

Beyond the Hollows [Week 2]

Read Another Part: [One]    [Two]    [Three]    [Four]

_________________

By the time Sae opens her eyes again, the sun has finally gone down and the hotel room she lays in is dark aside from the faint glow of a light on behind the closed bathroom door. The room is silent.

For a second, it all feels like a dream- no, it feels like it’s all been a nightmare. Zombies... Lukas... Kate.

The best part of a nightmare is that you can wake up from them. Maybe a little anxious, a little on edge, a little worse for wear for a moment... But when the sleep shrugs off and your mind clears, the nightmare is over. It’s over and done with and you can move on.

Sae waits for the nightmare to fade, but it doesn’t.

A brief glance around the room confirms to the twenty-two year old that she didn’t hallucinate the horrors she saw what felt like only moments ago.

Kate isn’t there, all that remains is the blood stained over the cocktail dress Sae was supposed to wear out to Copa Cabana. Lukas is missing too, the face of fear and concern he had as he tackled Kate away from Sae flashes painfully in the young woman’s mind.

She stifles a sob, only stopping herself upon seeing the young girl curled up in the bed across from hers.

The child sleeps. The man that rescued Sae, her Father, curls up around the girl protectively. Their brows are furrowed in identical worry, but the evenness of their breath denotes just the slightest moment of peace between the two.

Sae isn’t willing to ruin that for them, even in her grief.

Her grief is quiet, the agony swallows her up and for a moment Sae wonders if her sister is still in the hall, if she can go find her... They promised their whole childhood to never leave each other, maybe Sae can-

“You’re awake.” A voice breaks through her planning.

“What time is it...” Sae whispers, not turning to face him, not able to turn and look Curtis in the eye.

She knows its him, if it wasn’t obvious from the fact that there is only four people in the room, she can tell his voice from anywhere. She’s grown up hearing that voice; her sister’s boyfriend for almost six years and fiancee for two... He’s been like a brother to her, or he was her brother, at least, until a few hours ago.

“Four, I think, I turned off my cell to save battery.”

“It’s quiet.”

“You missed all of the screaming.” His voice is flat and emotionless. “You could hear the entire resort go to hell until about one, then it all went silent.”

Sae doesn’t speak, the air between the two is tense and thick. A shiver runs down her spine as she realizes the reason for the silence. “Everyone’s dead.”

“Not everyone, not us.”

“Not yet.” She spits out the words like poison.

Her name comes out like a trickling of wind. “Sarah...” Curtis breathes, his head dropping to his hands. “I’m so sorry, okay, I never should have said what I said.”

“You never should have left him out there, Curtis-”

“Sarah...”

“No, I know that Kate is dead or something, but Lukas? Lukas wasn’t. You left him out there to die.”

There is silence again, before a small sniffle is heard and Sae turns to face Curtis finally... His face is red, and his eyes are puffy, and she knows he’s crying but she just can’t feel sorry for him. Not after what he did.

“I had to keep you safe.” Curtis finally whispers.

Mouth dropping open just slightly, eyes squeezing tight to stop the tears that threaten to fall, a single word escapes Sae’s mouth. “Why?”

“You’re like my little sister... No, you pretty much are my little sister. I couldn’t save Katie, but at least I could save you, so that was more important.”

“He was your friend, you should have saved us both.”

The sound of a snore quiets the two again. A minute goes by. Two. It’s almost five minutes before Curtis starts to speak again, his voice strained with emotion.

“Look, when you decide you are going to propose to someone, a lot of thoughts go through your head...” He starts with a wistful sigh. “If you’re good enough, if you can provide for them, if this is really the person you want to love for the rest of your life.”

Sae turns to stare at Curtis.

“You don’t really expect that the rest of your life, is going to suddenly just end in the blink of an eye.”

His words hit Sae in the chest. “I’m sorry.” She admits, hanging her head. “I’m not the only one that lost her.”

“I’m sorry too, I know you really liked Lukas, but in that moment, the only thing I could think is how Kate would want me to save you, no matter what.”

An admission escapes her. “I actually didn’t.”

“What?”

“I didn’t like him... not like that. I mean he was nice and all, but I don’t...” She struggles to find the words.

“I like girls.” Her heart thuds in her chest painfully with the realization that this is the closest she’ll ever get to telling her family the truth. Her sister’s gone, before she could know what Sae wanted so badly to tell her.

“Oh.” Curtis goes quiet.

“Did you know, that I thought the worst thing that could happen this weekend... was that I’d tell Kate and she’d be angry with me.”  A bitter laugh escapes Sae. 

“I never imagined that all of this would happen.”

Curtis nods in recognition. “None of us did.”

He’s quiet again for another few moments, Sae can almost see the wheels turning in his head as he processes the information she’s just dumped on him.

“She wouldn’t, you know.” He settles on.

All Sae can do is make a soft ‘hm’ in response.

“Be angry? She loved you. She just wanted you to fall in love and be happy, whoever that was with.”

“I know, Curtis.”

“I’m not angry either.” Curtis looks her in the eye when he says this. “When we get out of here, I want you to know that I’ll support you, no matter what.”

In the first show of solidarity since everything fell apart, Sae reaches over to take Curtis’ hand, squeezing it to show her appreciation. “I know.”

“Now let’s figure out a plan to get out of here.”

_________________

The older man wakes not long after Sae, he’s careful to not disturb his daughter as he slips out of the bed and over to the two young adults near the door.

Together, the three of them brainstorm how to get out of the resort. Curtis is convinced that as long as they can get to their cars, they can go find help.

Sae isn’t too sure of that, but it’s the man, Martin Hess, as they find out (here on a special week-long vacation with his eight year old daughter Caroline), who happens to be the deciding vote between them.

“If we stay we’re sitting ducks.” He explains, offering a water bottle to Sae, and a chocolate protein bar to Curtis. “This place is locked up tightly, which fortunately means nothing from the outside is getting in... But, unfortunately, it also means that those monsters aren’t able to get out on their own, either.”

“So?” Sae asks, grimacing at the thought that her sister is lumped in as part of the ‘monsters’ roaming.

“He means that they’re all still out in the halls, and the lobby, and they aren’t just going to go away.” Curtis interrupts, glancing at the door. “We can either run for the cars, or we stay in this room until they find us.”

“Couldn’t help find us too? Police or something, they’re probably out looking for survivors.”

Martin shakes his head. “In a city this big... I don’t think anyone will be going room to room in each resort searching for uninfected folks for quite a while.”

“We could wait right? It’s safer in here isn’t it?”

“No.” Martin voices, adamant against that idea. “We’d run out of food. I packed a few snacks for the trip; cheese strings, water bottles, bear paws... Snacks so Cari wouldn’t ask me to stop every five minutes for a Beavertail or Dipping Dots, but it won’t be enough to feed all of us properly for more than a day or so.”

Curtis nods his agreement. “Look, Sarah, if we go, we go now... We need to get to the cars and get to the police, or a fire station. One of them will keep us safe.”

“It’s our safest bet, I agree.” 

Sae looks between Martin and Curtis, for a moment she can see how scared they both are, how utterly terrified they are of leaving the room and she also feels that same fear. They seem to know what they’re talking about, but the idea of leaving the safety of the room and willingly going out into the hall, it’s crazy.

Her heart pounds in her chest, but slowly she lets herself nod. “Okay, whose car are we going for?”

“Mine.” Martin insists. “It’s an SUV, it can take a hell of a beating and Cari’s carseat is in the back.”

“Okay.” Curtis nods. “Sarah, I want you to take your keys just in case we get separated or anything.”

Sae nods, the tiny breath of air she was holding expelling from her body as she glances from Curtis’ determined face, to Martin’s concerned one and finally to the girl still curled up on the bed sleeping.

“When do we do it?”

_________________ 

It isn’t quite seven in the morning when the four survivors decide that they’re all ready to go.

They’ve woken up Caroline, and made the official introductions between the eight year old and her two new friends. They have also gotten her to pack the rainbow unicorn backpack she brought on vacation with all of the snacks that they can fit in it.

The two men have broken apart the desk chair that sits in the hotel room, using the metal legs for bats, more reliable bats than the wooden chair leg that Curtis found and used the night before.

Sae, from some stroke of luck, has managed to change out of the cocktail dress stained with her sister’s blood and into a pair of jeans and plain tee-shirt that Martin had in his suitcase. The jeans are too wide and need to be held on with a tight belt, and the shirt swims on her, but anything is better than running around in a skin-tight dress with the memory of her sister being bitten seeped into the material.

The plan is simple; Curtis and Sae are going in front, with Martin and his daughter following close behind.

Curtis has Martin’s keys because he’s the fastest runner out of the four of them, his role is to get to the SUV as quickly as he can... If he can start it up, they may be able to make it before they get overrun.

Sae and Martin’s roles are to beat away any of the monsters that get too close using the metal chair legs, their only weapons against arms, legs and teeth.

Cari? Cari’s only job is to be brave.

It all seems so easy, until the door to the room opens and they’re met with the carnage in the hallway.

It’s like the scene of a horror movie; blood stains the floor in pools, people (or what remains of them) are crumpled into heaps, and the only sound you can hear comes from the piles of bodies littered along the hallway; moans, groans and the unmistakable noise of something gnawing through bone.

Sae has to cover her mouth to conceal the gasp that threatens to escape, Martin shields his daughter’s eyes before the whimper on her lips can make it’s debut, and Curtis motions the group to move on.

They’re able to walk down the hall a little, moving away from the lobby where it all began and instead following a little hall to a fire exit, it had been decided that going the path more secluded had less of a chance of running into the monsters they were trying to stay away from. It almost works... almost.

Curtis has his hand on the handle to the door, ready to open it, when a scream erupts into the near quiet air stopping him and Sae dead in their tracks.

As they turn their heads towards the scream, the sight meeting them has Sae’s heart still in her chest.

Cari has been knocked to the ground, her eyes trained in horror on the beast that advances on her father.

Sae lets out the gasp she held earlier.

The creature is easily six feet tall and over two hundred pounds, as a human he would have been intimidating with the muscles swelling around his arms, chest and legs... As a mindless and relentless zombie attacking them, he is absolutely terrifying.

In mere seconds he goes from advancing on Martin, to tackling him to the ground. All at once, the man, Sae and Cari scream.

“Curtis we have to do something now!” Sae begs, taking a hesitant step forward and brandishing the chair leg like it’s a bat, she’s set to take a hit on the zombie before she’s stopped by Curtis grabbing a hold of her arm and pulling her back.

“We can’t.” He quirks his head to the hall they’ve just come from, another creature stumbling it’s way over to them, foot dragging like it’s been broken.

“We need to go now, Sae, we can’t help him.”

Sae turns to stare at her almost brother-in-law in horror, Caroline’s screams pierce the background at the same time as Martin’s pleas for help start.

“Curtis, we need to.” She’s determined as she tries to break out of his hold, her eyes narrowing as he holds her almost painfully tightly.

“We have the keys, we can still get to their car and get out of here.” His eyes are wide in his frantic demands. “Come, there’s no way we can help him.”

Sae stares at him for another moment, her eyes filling with tears as she shakes her head. “No, I can’t, she’s just a little kid, we have to help them.”

For a moment, his eyes soften and Sae feels like she’s broken through to him... But then Curtis is holding her arm tighter and trying to drag her towards the fire door, his face red in an unrecognizable fury.

“It’s us or them, Sarah, and I sure as fuck choose us. Come on!” He growls in her ear as he struggles to pull her towards the door. “If the roles were reversed, they’d leave us behind in a heartbeat!”

Her eyes flicker between Curtis, anger and determination written across the features that once held nothing but humour and adoration... And then they flicker to Martin and Cari, the tiny girl screaming desperately as her father tries to fight back against the monster that has him pinned to the floor.

“No!” Sae finally screams, her mind returns to the night before, Martin putting not just himself but his daughter in danger to try to get Sae and her friends into his room, into safety. “No, they wouldn’t!”

She rips away from Curtis’ hold, and stands facing him, panting in desperation. “I’ve got to help them!” She demands, refusing to give in to him.

“Then I’ve got to leave you behind.”

Her heart breaks in ways Sae never imagined as her sister’s fiancee turns away from her and pulls open the door to the fire exit, rushing down the stairs and out of sight. For a second she’s frozen watching the spot where he used to be, until another desperate scream from Cari snaps her back to reality.

She turns back towards the chaos, swinging at the zombie with the metal chair leg and hitting him in the shoulder just as he ducks his head and sinks his teeth deep into the flesh of Martin’s throat.

“Noooooo!” A scream breaks out and it takes Sae a moment to realize that she’s the one screaming, as Cari joins her crying out in anguish.

She pounds the chair leg into the zombie’s shoulder again, trying to beat him off of Martin but the damage has already been done, blood spurting from the open wound in the older man’s throat.

Sae is screaming and crying and pounding on the six foot monster’s shoulder as Martin twitches and spasms on the floor, the only sound escaping him is a gurgled plea to “Take... Ca-ri... Run...”

It takes Sae a moment to react, dropping the metal chair leg as the beast she was attacking turns to face her, his mouth a crimson red and his eyes the same milky white as her sisters were only the night before.

The seconds that follow, all Sae can hear is the blood rushing through her veins as she jumps into action.

She runs for Caroline, scooping the child up with one arm and not stopping as she flees from the nightmare unfolding in front of them. She’s holding the girl against her side, just barely able to keep them both upright as she races down the hall in the opposite direction from the fire exit, the path to safety being blocked by six feet of pure horror and Cari’s own father who she’s sure is either dead or turning into one of them.

Sae races past other creatures, zombies she supposes, some of them are too preoccupied with their own catch to worry about a sprinting twenty-two year old and the eight year old arm luggage she’s picked up.

A few turn towards them and Sarah tries her best to run around, or shove them away as she races desperately towards the fire exit on the opposite side of the building, the one that’s just past her own room.

There’s a thought that occurs to her just moments before she can see the doors to the fire exit.

What if Kate is still around.

The thought is just barely in the back of her mind, her instincts to flight taking over until it’s almost too late.

She catches sight of Kate, skulking around what Sae can only assume is the body of Lukas... From the barely visible blonde hair and bright blue v-neck he had been wearing the night before, it confirms exactly who it is.

Sae freezes, Cari still pressed against her body, as she stares at the shambling, grotesque mess that her dearly loved older sister has horrifically become.

A hole where her shoulder once was now shows skin flaps barely clinging on to the meat underneath, blood drenches the front of Kate, from her mouth and shoulder all the way down her dress. Red bits adorn her neck and jaw, and it’s with a shudder that Sae realizes that the red bits are pieces of Lukas’ flesh.

Kate lets out a groan that runs down Sae’s spine, and the blonde stumbles backward into the fire exit. She’s shaking her head, tears collecting in her eyes when she steps in a puddle at the top of the staircase.

She loses her balance, arms flinging out to try and correct herself, but all Sae manages to do is slam the door to the fire exit closed in front of her, before her ankle twists and she sends both her and eight year old Cari crashing down the staircase behind them.

[socksnstuff00]

Gay anime recs for that one Annie :)

hii Annie, sorry this took me so long, ended up working til late and then i was dead after lol.

speaking about gay Anime or Yuri as the connoisseurs call it, i've seen them ALL, and im not even exaggerating lmao, i've seen almost every anime in which two girls kiss or end up together. but when ppl think about those is always the same old ones on every list cause for a LONG time those were the only ones aviable until recently that somehow the creators became more committed to these stories and have been giving us quality content. here's where my personal preference interferes .. i only go for happy endings lmao i don't waste my time on depressing shit lmao. life is depressing enough as it is lol. so yeah, lets start from the beggining.

Strawberry Panic. - you've probably heard about this one but is a classic and a master piece for a reason. very light and sweet but also a good share of drama. all girls school, gay for days, great ending :)

2. El Cazador de la Bruja. - the third on a trilogy of non connected pieces about gay protagonists. imo the best of the 3 cause is the one who actually ends on a good place :) and that place is Mexico lmao. extremely interesting adventure story, VERY gay and a easy to watch.

3. Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha. - a very special piece, very close to my heart, in which in a course of 3 seasons you get to see the rare occurrence of a relationship between these two girls since they're kids all up to when they get married and acquire a kid lmao plus magic and monsters and all that jazz lmao. te longest of the list but also one of the bests.

4. Assault Lily Bouquet. - one of the most recent entries. very gay, very dramatic but also very short D: again all girls school, everyone is gay, the end lmao

5. Bloom Into You. - cause of course this one cant be missing from this list. IMO the best yuri anime in modern times. easy watch, gorgeous artstyle, school coming of age, actually gay, very good ending, i cant literally praise it enough. and the anime only goes half the way of the original manga. i HIGHLY recommend reading the manga which is finished <3

6. Citrus. - this might be controversial for some but in the core is very sweet and well executed, the manga keeps on going but the anime stops on a really good place. very interesting and over all sexy.

7. Fragtime. - very cute movie about two girls in school who fall in love with each other under weird circumstances. i loved every second of it. my only complain being that it could have been longer D:

8. Princess Principal. - the only entry in here that isn't "explicitly" gay lol or at least not in the conventional way cause the main girls are literally dating in secret. cute, romantic period piece with awesome music and effects. and also still ongoing in the form of movies. if they end up confirming it remines to be seen. but c'mon, this is official art.

9. Yurikuma Arashi. - beautiful work of art from the same ppl behind the classic UTENA. a wnderful representation of the phrase "again but gayer" the story is kinda cnfusing like everything they do lmao but once you really get into it, it slowly consumes your soul.

10. Adachi and Shimamura. - super cute and relatable depiction of ones first crush. light and beautiful with nothing to waste. fuckin adorable man

i have a lot more but i wanted t cut this at ten so i don't overwhelm you. feel free to talk to me about any of these cause id love to revive the experience through new eyes.

[leeknow-bestboy]

If You Close One Eye - Chapter One

Ships: Han Jisung | Han/Lee Minho | Lee Know, Bang Chan/Yang Jeongin | I.N, If you really squint you can notice Lix is into Binnie, Hyunjin was into everyone once

Characters: All the kids, The ex kid isn't here I edited him out, Other Character Tags to Be Added

Trigger warnings: panic attack, ptsd, original character death, homophobia, original character cheating, descriptive imagery.

Word count: 5277

Chapter: 1/?

Next chapter 

Tags: Murder Mystery, amateur detective minho, Soulmates, not your typical soulmate AU, Alternate Universe - College/University, Slow Burn, Slow Build, good things take time let it slowburn, minho is singlehandedly responsible for the slow burn so blame him, no soulmates in this universe only they are, criminology student minho, art student jisung, POV Third Person, chan deserves better and he does indeed get better don't worry, art references please look stuff up, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, best sibling bond ever.

"If you close one eye, you can see what your soulmate sees"

Born with one eye an unnatural golden color, Minho and Jisung have been forced to cover them up with colored lenses in order to blend into society.

The magic to their eyes? Even they still didn't know.

This is the story of how criminology major and dance minor Lee Minho found himself hopelessly in love with the serial killer, local artist Han.

[Alternatively, let's see how long I can make these two dumbasses pine without one of them snapping. Edit: they finally did]

[Also WARNING: a HUGE amount of Jeongchan ahead, it's not subtle at all! So much fluff--]

As per usual, the playground was packed; children of all ages ran wild, squalling and laughing like the little menaces they were- all of them avoiding a short kid who couldn't be older than five, seated at the very end of the sandbox and holding back tears of offense and loneliness.

It's not that he got bullied, he wasn't. His mom raised a tough kid who'd bite back when he's bit, but no one would play with him now. Not with how he looks, they'd rather scream and run.

Five year olds shouldn't worry about that.

Rubbing his left eye- the good one, he could see a woman's shoulder and hair. Her smile, bright and comforting, wording out a song with no sound.

"Jisung!" His mother's voice rang aloud, recognizable and warm in the hostile environment.

"Baby," She called again, finding him and wrapping her son in her arms. For the moment, there was no strange woman- only his own mother.

Jisung sniffled. "I hate people." -These words that shouldn't be said by a child flowed so easily from his lips, as if it was the only reasonable conclusion.

"We need to talk about something" his mother's voice, once excited and lively sounded utterly defeated. Little did he know, it was the last time. Years of telling him he's perfect just the way he is, special and unique in a good way, definitely- have ended up making no difference in the end.

That day, he learned to put on contact lenses.

.

"I know you're upset about the divorce, but you have to accept that it happened."

The woman's voice, high pitched and unpleasant, drove Minho ever so slightly closer to the edge. By now he knew no adult in the world would ever take him seriously, so what was the point in sitting here and listening to her talk?

The woman pursed her lips, plump and telling of the many times they went under the scalpel. Tapping her foot, she hazily reminded Minho of his own mother when scolding was due.

"If you don't talk to me, that's fine. Nothing's going to change. I get paid by the hour you know, I can do this all day."

That being said, she was probably stressed- no therapist had ever gotten Minho to talk, he's been changing doctors since his hallucinations began, which adds to a little over three years now.

"Minho, I can't help you like this. Tell your mother I give up."

A sense of dread spread over the eight years old. Again, another adult doesn't get it. Another one giving up on him, leaving, and suddenly he wanted her to stay. Pretty badly he did, at the time.

"I don't care that my parents broke up, I've been seeing monsters all day"

The woman blinked, stunned into silence. At the tinge of tears he rubbed his right eye- and there it was, certain as ever; drawn with a sharpie, people with horns. In a moment, a pair of hands that weren't his took the drawing away and pulled out a new one, drawing harshly a sad smiley face.

Although he was a big boy, he cried right then, scared out of his mind and very confused. He cried so hard it almost slipped off- the contact lens hiding his mother's disgrace.

Looking up, the woman made no effort to comfort or dissolve his fright. Rather, she was scribbling down the whole ordeal. Taking notes, furiously assessing and picking him apart, she finished her analysis smugly and said,

"It's time we get you a prescription, my dear"

And that was definitely not the last of it.

.

"Oppa"

Minho groaned lowly, alerting the speaker to the fact he's been woken from sleep.

"Minho oppa!" the voice persisted. Fully intent on hanging up, Minho side glanced at the caller id to make sure it wasn't important.

"Motherfucker!" the voice on the other end rose. From the corner of the bed Doongie meowed, alarmed.

"Freaking shrimp, what do you think you're calling your oppa?" He blurted. This isn't a call he should skip.

"Egg laying bastard! Answer me when I call you!" His sister's comforting voice trickled out.

"Gremlin twarp!"

"ballerina!"

"Whiny child!"

"Prune old man!"

"spoiled princess!"

"Mean hoe!"

"-!" Wheeze.

"I got you, you horrible gay bitch"

"We're both gay, Ryu" He threw back.

It's been a while since she last called.

"Well, you live alone, so I assume you're doing much gayer things than I can do at home."

Minho started, failing to hold back his horrified gasp. "Ryujin, you're eighteen!" He exclaimed. It seemed like yesterday she was still following him around, like some baby duckling.

"She's being mean Doongie, like you three don't count." He added, Ryujin electing to ignore his comment.

"How's dance going?" her tone changed, turning softer. For all their differences, dance for sure has always been something both loved and loved together. From copying idols on TV, to taking ballet and hiphop together, Jazz too.

"I'm not in college for dance and you know it" He groaned, immediately softening as well.

"I miss it a lot. I wish I could do more than minor in it.." On the other side of the call Ryujin hummed, understanding. She has always known his passion best.

"You're good at what you do too. You'd make a kickass detective." She claimed.

"I'm not taking criminology to be a detective." Why she had to be reminded was beyond him. If anything he aimed to be an officer, someone to tell kids off if they mess with the neighborhood cats.

"I'm just saying you could be!" She defended- which wasn't wrong, if he played job openings right. He did have a knack for picking apart mystery books too, but that was nothing out of the usual.

"How's grad life?" He asked with genuine interest. Nothing could ever matter to him more.

"I asked Chelle out, finally." She said, and Minho couldn't help but notice the edge evident in her voice.

"What happened? Did she let you down? Should I come over?" The questions left his lips before he could consider them, worry clouding over him.

"No, it's nothing like that. She said yes, but.. Yeah, oppa, I really wish you were here. I need to talk to you, face to face. Mom misses you too." She ended lamely. It was so unlike her, Minho couldn't find it in him to correct the fact that it was only Ryu's mom and not his.

"Tell her I'll be visiting tonight then, I'll go get ready." He said, fully intent on making the sudden drive over. It was only a two hour ride over to his father's, where Ryujin and his step mother lived too. If he headed out now, he could make it before dinner.

"Really? You don't have to, I know you hate it here-" Her attempts of taking it back wouldn't work once he set his mind to do something.

"Really really. I miss my stinky troll sister too," He insisted. No way was he leaving her be. The moment something felt off with her, he knew he had to go make sure she's fine; there aren't many things as precious in his life as she is.

"Dumbass," she relented, voice worryingly relieved. "I'll go tell mom."

He smiled, tapping his nail on the headboard, now sitting up at his bed. "Bye"

She huffed, pausing for a moment before giving her last reply. "Goodbye, oppa. I love you."

.

Minho sighed, leaning his forehead against the steering wheel.

For what little time he spent at his father's place, a surprising amount of bad memories were made. Up until his teen years he wouldn't even enter, and every time after that made for a rich history; first panic attack, first time breaking a leg falling down the stairs, coming out, taking Ryu to junior prom- door shut in his face that time, claiming she was grounded for beating up the neighbor's son. First time stung by a bee, and that weekend when his father's doberman puppy bit him in play, tore open his front lip and got sent to a dog pound despite his protest.

'Come on,' he thought. 'You can do this. Count to three-' and at three he did, opened his car door and walked up through the front gate.

"Minho! How lovely to see you." Smiled his step mom, a warm, if not a tad unnerving woman.

"Nice to so see you too. How have you been?" He asked, clean-cut manners kicking in. Dal and Byul had meanwhile made their way running over to the door, immediately rubbing against him with some level of desperation. He leaned down, rubbing Dal's small head.

"I've been well, your father too- that's right! Honey, come say hi to Minho." The short, lean woman called, still blocking the entrance to the oversized house and keeping Minho at the door. Whether this was on purpose shall forever remain a mystery- she did it every time.

"That brat has nothing to do in this house" His father's voice warmed over.

"Hi dad." He tried still, calling over the woman's shoulder. "Can I come in?"

Said obstacle smiled, moving aside at last. "Of course sweetie, Ryujin will be right over."

Taking that exchange for what it was, he made fast pace towards the kitchen. Avoiding his father has become a praised skill by now, a crucial one by all means.

"Dallie, Byulie, psps" he tried, pleased when both ran on over towards his outstretched hand. Two more allies at the ready.

Light steps cleared the remaining discomfort sullying his mood in short moments. "You!" A pair of arms tightened around his shoulders, prompting Minho to lift his little sister in a piggyback.

"You too!" He answered, relieved at feeling welcomed at last.

"I can't believe you actually came. Did you tell your mother you're over?" She asked, tactless as ever. He loves her a whole lot for that, too.

"She's not the boss of me, I'm twenty one" He announced, eyes closed in a content smile as his sister gently pet his hair like a cat.

"What about me? I'm almost nineteen, I wish I was free like you, Lino!" Exclaimed Ryujin, but really she didn't. There was a certain freedom gained from nobody caring about you that no one should be jealous of.

Letting her hop back onto the ground, Minho kept the smile on his face. She seemed fine, but he could tell better. Still, they couldn't talk before dinner- the pots and pans at the stovetop smelled just about ready, after all.

Instead he turned to face her, petting her head lovingly like she had his. "What's this? This tiny Ryuddaeng's nineteen? No way."

"Almost!" she growled. "Next month I'll be."

"Where have the times gone?" he questioned, shoving her playfully at the comments of "old man".

.

Dinner went as uncomfortably as expected, his father and he had behaved remarkably well- hadn't spoken a word to each other throughout. Minho ate neatly, made sure to compliment his step mother for every dish, and Ryujin helped by washing them after. All in all, it was successful unlike many dinners before.

Making way to the guest bedroom, Minho paused at the sight of his sister's door left slightly open. Right, yes- this would be a good time.

Knocking quietly, he waited for permission before entering and closing the door, waiting for Byul to enter alongside him. "Are you alright?"

Ryujin nodded, glancing up at him and back to the floor. He took that as a sign to take a seat down on her fancy dragon themed carpet.

"Are you really alright? Ryujin, I know we're not great communicators, but I'm still very worried. Is it dad?" At that his sister shook her head, taking a deep breath.

"Don't get mad, but I have a huge favor. You know Chelle, I swore I'll ask her out when I graduate and I did, but she…" Minho crossed and uncrossed his legs, chin finding its place resting on a knee. Byul purred, rubbing against it.

"She's missing. She's been missing for two weeks now, no one knows where she is." She explained, voice stern.

"I don't think she ran away, but her parents keep saying she did. She said nothing to me." She added, hoping he'd fill in the rest on his own.

"They're not filling in for missing person?" He asked, worry making his back stress and ace.

Ryujin nodded. "I know she's the bad girl type, but she wasn't into drugs and her friends seem fine. I keep trying to ask around but I can't, what if something serious happened?"

Minho nodded, realizing where he comes in. "You want me to investigate? See where that takes us?" He asked. For sure, that should be the police's job- but with her parents saying she ran away, would they even bother?

Ryujin kept quiet, eyes burning holes into Minho's. This was her crush, a big one- he's never liked Chelle, but now? If Ryujin cares that much… sure. It's not something he should be messing with legally, and a new project to be added atop his ever growing college work, but he'd do it for her. "Okay."

"Okay?" Ryujin asked back, relieved.

"Yes. I'll do it." He assured.

Ryujin's features softened farther, mouth breaking into a smile. "You're my new favorite person."

Minho smiled lightly, mind running full speed. "I need details. When and where she was last seen, and about her; exes, Instagram, friends and hangouts."

Ryujin's smile faded. Nonetheless she turned, pulling a notebook out of her bedside drawer.

Scribbling away the details he requested, she paused to ask a couple questions before turning back to her chore. "I know less than I thought." She admitted.

"That's fine, but I have a few more. How was her mental state, where did she study, was she on meds and did she mention any places?"

This kept on for a few hours, ending after they let an annoyed Byul out of the room - with Ryujin tiredly announcing that her brain is fried and he can ask the rest over chat when he's back in college. On his end, Minho learned one important thing:

This girl was not who she seemed to be.

.

Back at his apartment, Minho re-read all eleven papers of info they've gathered. On the way he's prepared a list of places to visit, only two of which stemmed from the info Ryujin herself had given him. Other than the school and family bistro down the street, it seemed the two have never gone out together, although Chelle was one to do so.

Good, he thought.

Scrolling through her Instagram, he noted which followers seemed to comment more, and who would show most often on highlights. Her latest post have been boring- it was landscape art of what he assumed to be a tall grass field on the outskirts of seoul. Around three months back he found a picture of some guy at the beach, shirt off and abs in clear view. Seeing as he looked nothing like Chelle, it would seem they weren't related.

Sorting through the packed comment section, someone's request to take it down stood out. Tapping on the person's icon, he realized that was probably the guy in the picture, although the account was made private. An ex? That would make a good trail.

Not having an account himself, by now Minho has used Ryujin's, but to follow guys it would seem he needs his own account.

Setting up all the necessities, he took a nice picture of Dori and made it his profile, sending the guy a follow request right away.

Now we wait.

.

"Oppa, if you have no photos or description and no followers, and he doesn't know you, did you really expect he'd approve your request?" Ryujin's laughter trickled through the speakers, as if it's been obvious. "You're going to have to find him." She pointed, before hesitantly adding, "Or I can-"

"No." Minho said, stern. "This guy could be Chelle's ex, he might be really dangerous! You don't get to follow his Instagram."

Ryujin sighed, and Minho got the sudden mental image of her rubbing the bridge of her nose as she did. "You have friends right? Ask one of them." She advised.

"I need to go, dad said I can't go out unless I finish these applications." She explained, hanging up after a round of goodbyes.

Right. He did! He has friends.

Picking his phone back up, Minho scrolled his contacts looking for either Felix or Hyunjin. The two weren't in his major, but they shared a dance class. Out of the student body, they were closest to his definition of friends.

A couple rings went by before the line picked up. "Hyung? Hello!" Felix's cheerful voice calmed the older's nerves ever so slightly.

"Felix, hi." He answered, trying to seem casual. "How are you?"

Felix took a moment before responding. "I'm great! I'm actually out with Chan hyung, is something up?"

"Who?" Minho asked, confused.

Felix took another moment. "Bang Chan. He's a fourth year in sociology, I don't think you'll know him."

Minho came close to a sob right then. "Can you pass him the phone?"

"Yeah sure." Felix agreed immediately, followed by ruttling sounds.

"Hello?" A voice sounded, accent similar to Felix's own.

"Hi! My name is Minho, I followed you on Instagram a couple days ago."

A short silence. "Oh my god." Chan exclaimed.

"No, never mind that, I need to talk to you." He rephrased.

"I have no idea who you are." Chan replied, confused.

"It's about Chelle." Minho added, hoping to learn anything from the other's reply.

"Oh." Was all he got. "Okay, I guess we should meet sometime then. How is she?"

The question caught Minho off guard.

"I, I'll tell you more when we meet. When are you free?" he asked, quickly seeking out a pen and scribbling the time and date on his wrist, phone squeezed between his ear and shoulder.

"Yeah, sounds great! See you then." He concluded, getting passed back to Felix and thanking him profoundly before hanging up.

"In my own college." He muttered after the phone found its place back on the table.

"Unbelievable."

.

Not many people occupied the café, despite its convenient location not far off the olympic park. For that reason Minho concluded, the coffee there probably sucked.

It wasn't his intention to show fifteen minutes early, but his nerves got the best of him, taking shape in miserable pacing until he deemed it late enough to leave his apartment already. Worst case scenarios running through his mind, he wasn't expecting it as someone took seat in the chair opposite of his.

"Hello. It's Minho, right?" Asked the stranger, dimples forming in an awkward smile.

"Ah." Minho voiced dumbly before quickly picking himself up adding,

"You're Chan?"

In the short time that passed between first learning of Chan's existence and actually seeing him, Minho's mind managed to fill with expectations and fears, all of which shattered right in that moment.

First of all, the guy in the picture had very defined abs and arm muscles, making it seem as if he'd be your average muscle-head, someone who could pull apart limbs off boys like Minho- a description that apparently had nothing in common with the hesitant and awkward person in front of him. Rather, he found that this Chan was a tad shorter than him, barely filling the light gray sweater he threw on.

Secondly, while the photo showed a man with straight dark brown hair, the man in front of him had soft blond curls that seemed so, so fluffy- invoking a primal urge to pet them in, Minho assumed, not only himself, but also every innocent bystander.

Lastly, by the amount of english in his Instagram description, one would expect an obvious accent, but that had been proven false on the phone call anyway. Regardless, Minho imagined a foreigner, so seeing his face up close had been a surprise on its own, especially considering the smile… he was, how would he put it? Cute.

"Yeah! Nice to meet you. I was worrying I'd be early, but it's good to see you are too." Minho could only half process the words, a glance at his phone telling him they both still had around ten minutes before the planned meetup time.

"Right! Right, I wanted to talk to you." Minho started, forcibly clearing his mind of any strange thoughts.

"You said it was about Chelle? I assume you're her new boyfriend?" Chan asked, voice a bit strained.

"No, It's not like that. I wanted to know if you've heard from her for the last couple weeks." Minho replied, quick to correct him so to not make things needlessly awkward. Right, he thought- Chan still might have had something to do with this girl's disappearance.

"Oh, well, I actually hadn't, I try not to do that anymore. We didn't end things on good terms." Chan confessed, picking Minho's interest.

"What happened?" He asked, worries picking back up.

Chan paused. "Are you her friend? This kind of thing is a little personal, I don't want it to affect your friendship."

Minho blinked, thinking up a smaller scale storm. "I live in her neighborhood. We're not very close, but some things happened that made me look for you."

Chan hesitated, saved by the waiter's interruption asking which drinks the two would have. Still suspicious, Minho only ordered a small iced americano, Chan matching with a small iced tea.

"You probably know we dated for around two months, it ended after I found she was cheating for a long time."

Minho's breath hitched, dangerously close to choking on his coffee. "She cheated on you?"

Chan's expression fluttered before he nodded, sheepish smile back on. "Kind of pathetic, isn't it? I couldn't hold her attention. At least, the others didn't know."

Minho gaped, unsure how to handle the new information. Chelle, the girl Ryujin asked him to look for. Was that her true nature? "What do you mean others?"

Chan's embarrassment grew, yet he didn't look away. "We were around.. five, I think.. that I know of. I followed her for a bit."

The awkwardness settled, leaving both speechless.

"Okay, I'm really sorry but I still need to ask you a couple more things." Minho was the first to break the silence.

"Go ahead." Chan smiled in relief.

"Were you mad? Wait, no- Can you think of anyone who could have held a grudge against her? More than, I guess, this."

Chan shook his head. "She's a really nice girl! She has some serious issues, but I liked her a lot at the time."

Minho bit his lip, ready to push on. "Chan, I'm going to be honest with you.. Chelle's been missing for over two weeks now."

If Chan was drinking at the moment, it would have been his turn to choke. "What?" he asked, voice steady.

"I got in touch with you because right now, nobody knows where she is. Or someone does know, but I don't" Minho explained, hoping his message went through alright.

"Are you sure she's not ghosting you? She might be." Chan offered. Minho stiffened. If Chelle was fine, if she was ghosting his sister- there will be hell to pay.

"I don't think so?" he continued anyway.

"I can't remember a specific person who would want to hurt her, but.. God, I'm worried. Chelle's gone? Like, kidnapped or.." Chan paused, taking deep breaths.

"If you have any information on where she could be, it would help a lot. I don't know her well, I'm not sure who else to ask either." Minho added.

"What do you want to know?" Chan asked, worry clouding his face in an unpleasant way. Minho almost felt, scratch that- he did feel really bad for the guy.

"Hangouts, friends, habits, names of other exes- mental state too, it's a little invasive but I can't find her otherwise." Chan stared, eye contact with Minho intensifying as neither averted their gaze.

"Okay." Chan replied after a while. "I don't really know you, but I guess it suits her. If anything happened, I wouldn't expect an officer anyway."

Slightly disturbed, Minho pulled his notes from his bag, offering Chan a big sheet of paper. Just like that, the two had begun- Just as Minho had with Ryujin before.

"I can't help with other Exes, I don't know any of their names. I do know where she hangs out usually." Chan supplied helpfully.

"Chelle, she's very into art. She thinks her art, only hers, is the best of the best. She considers herself an undiscovered gem, that kind of mentality. She'll do anything for exposure, and she likes compliments a lot." Chan bit his lip, pausing in his writing.

"She's not on good terms with her parents, and sometimes I remember, she said she wanted to run away. She has horrible mood swings, but when she's happy she can be the sweetest, most considerate person in the world. I think she had too much love in her, that's why…" Chan trailed off, sighing before shaking his head and writing down some more details.

"I'm not okay with that, you know? It's the worst kind of betrayal, but I'm still so worried. I never wanted anything to happen to her, I don't wish that for anyone." Minho hummed, recalling back on his previous suspicion, how ridiculous it seemed now to think that of this person.

So it went on, the two of them coming up with important details and question marks to jot down. Before they knew it the sky turned dark, an impatient barista politely asking them to leave.

"You have my number, right?" Chan asked.

"I don't." Minho replied, glad Chan remembered. The two exchanged phones, filling in their details with some hesitation.

"Call me if you need anything, or if you find her." Chan added, eyes glinting under the streetlights.

"You too, call me if you remember anything important." Minho replied, parting with a wave goodbye and heading towards the bus station.

It was only on his way back that he recalled their first exchange through the phone, and how stupid it had been to expect anything else from a friend of Felix's, of all people.

Groaning lowly, Minho moved his bag up, staring at the paper pile stuffed inside it neatly. Ahead was, he expected, a night full of reading- all 38 new pages of details about this girl, who he found himself liking less and less with every passing statement.

.

Over an extended time period Minho had found himself visiting many different places to no avail. He tried asking around, dropping Chelle's name here and there for good measures, but it seemed that the girl had vanished into thin air. Her only legacy had been the outrageous rumors surrounding her name, such as dating kids much younger than herself and having sex to get her way in the art world. Really, Minho should have stopped there- he wanted nothing to do with this girl anymore, was happy even; happy that she didn't get to lay her hands on his sister. Yet he couldn't stop thinking, this girl.. She was missing, it was real, and not one soul other than him have made a single attempt to locate her. How could he give up now?

It had been a long day- visiting a bar from the list in the morning before moving to a café nearby and finishing one of his assignments, Minho decided to follow up on Chelle's tracks. Twelve days have passed since his meeting with Chan, and although his anxiety kept getting worse, the list of things to check kept getting shorter with every lead he crossed out.

This one had honestly been a lame lead, but he wanted to make the most out of it- a short trip out of seoul, to a grass patch stretching a couple miles that was similar to the one he saw on her Instagram. If he couldn't find her with anyone's help, he thought- maybe he should try to think like her more. This girl, where would she go? Who would she meet? What would she do? And for that this practice was important, too.

The land stretched, tall grass for as far as the eye could see. He roamed around, looking at the tall buildings that made his home from afar. From here, definitely- he recognized the scenery as the one she drew that time. Stepping back through the grass, it didn't make much of a difference from how far he's already been, but the moment felt special somehow.

Minho breathed in, a strong breeze blowing from the front and carrying the dust and pollution of the city with it. Bad air, even this far back. At least it was silent, no cars, no birds either- it felt peaceful. Minho stepped back again, pulling out his phone, intending to take a photo. A couple more steps back, and he tripped- landing on his butt in the grass.

It was there that he found her.

.

Jisung stretched, back aching after sleeping in so late.

"Good morning, and good luck falling back asleep at a normal hour." Seungmin commented. True that, Jisung managed to mess his sleep schedule pretty badly. Good thing it was friday.

Standing up, he considered responding before giving up and making his way to the kitchen.

"Ji," Seungmin spoke up once more,

"At least brush your teeth. I'm your roommate, not your mom- I shouldn't have to tell you this!" His voice, although annoyed, remained calm. He did have a point.

"Okay mom." Jisung replied, deadpan. Without another word he turned, entering the bathroom and picking up his toothbrush to do as instructed.

Life as an art major was hard- he had so much work to do in little time, and the pressure made it feel a little like a job. Nowadays his minor in music made for the only stress reliever he could put time into without guilt, and he wondered if maybe he should have chosen it for major instead. Useless thinking about it now, anyway.

Jisung went on brushing, releasing a small whine at the thought of his next assignment. Whatever- he rolled his eyes, raising a hand to rub the remains of sleep away.

Tall grass, the clear view of seoul from afar- blurring, moving, fast as if he was struck by lightning.

The toothbrush clinked loudly against the sink as it dropped, leaving Jisung with the reflection of himself in the mirror, left hand raised. He made quick way, spitting the paste and powerwalking back to their room, brushing against Seungmin on his way there.

"Jisung? Jisung, you can't just leave this here." Seungmin bristled, pausing at the sight of Jisung pulling out his sketchbook with the craze of someone going through a revelation.

He sighed, recognizing the scene in front of him. "Inspiration struck?"

Jisung hummed, wiping his mouth and beginning to sketch. This happened every once in a while, it was one of the things that made Jisung… well, Jisung.

"I'll clean up. Should I order takeout?" Seungmin asked, affection sneaking into his voice. He's a bit weird, but sometimes he was cute too.

"Thank you, please." Jisung replied absentmindedly, focused on the paper.

"I will. Okay." Seungmin concluded, fishing his phone out to call his favorite fast food handler.

To them, after all, it was nothing more than an average friday night.

[ao3feed-shindeku]

Sudden Spark

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/2TCPX7G

by dekudekudekiru, RandomCrapStories

At age 4, Izuku Midoriya was declared quirkless.

At age 5, Izuku saw an interview with All Might on tv on a Friday night. The interview knocked his life onto a completely different course, a course that ended up being both his downfall and his victory.

"You don’t have to have a quirk or any fancy powers to be a Support Hero. You just need the drive to build, the mindset to invent, the ambition to experiment and test, and the purpose to keep going even after it fails and - literally - blows up in your face."

“I told you, worthless Deku! You’ll never be a hero without a quirk!” “You want to bet, Katsuki?”

Words: 2126, Chapters: 2/?, Language: English

Fandoms: 僕のヒーローアカデミア | Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia

Rating: General Audiences

Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence

Categories: F/F, F/M, M/M, Multi

Characters: Class 1-A (My Hero Academia), Class 1-B (My Hero Academia), Midoriya Izuku, Hatsume Mei, Midoriya Inko, Midoriya Hisashi, Aizawa Shouta | Eraserhead, Yamada Hizashi | Present Mic, Yagi Toshinori | All Might, Shinsou Hitoshi, Nedzu (My Hero Academia), League of Villains (My Hero Academia), Hatsume Mei's Family, Original Female Character(s), Other Character Tags to Be Added, Maijima Higari | Power Loader, Kayama Nemuri | Midnight, Original Character Kasai Fenikkusu

Relationships: Bakugou Katsuki/Midoriya Izuku, Bakugou Katsuki/Kirishima Eijirou, Midoriya Izuku/Todoroki Shouto, Aizawa Shouta | Eraserhead & Midoriya Izuku, Aizawa Shouta | Eraserhead/Yamada Hizashi | Present Mic, Hatsume Mei & Midoriya Izuku, Midoriya Izuku & Shinsou Hitoshi, Aizawa Shouta | Eraserhead & Shinsou Hitoshi, Midoriya Izuku & Yagi Toshinori | All Might, Class 1-A & Midoriya Izuku, Midoriya Izuku & Original Character(s), Tsukauchi Naomasa/Yagi Toshinori | All Might, Midoriya Izuku & Tsukauchi Naomasa, Midoriya Izuku/Everyone, Midoriya Izuku/Shinsou Hitoshi, Bakugou Katsuki & Consequences

Additional Tags: Vigilante Midoriya Izuku, Vigilante Shinsou Hitoshi, Midoriya Izuku Does Not Have One for All Quirk, Midoriya Izuku Has a Quirk, Dekusquad (My Hero Academia), Dadzawa, Dad Might, dad mic, Midoriya Izuku is a Little Shit, Midoriya Izuku Needs A Hug, Everyone Needs A Hug, Deaf Bakugou Katsuki, Hatsume Mei & Midoriya Izuku are Best Friends, Hatsume Mei & Midoriya Izuku are best tech buds, Izuku and the Todoroki kids, Todoroki Enji | Endeavor's Bad Parenting, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Sassy Midoriya Izuku, Tired Aizawa Shouta | Eraserhead, Dekiru fuels all the gay panics, Daisy is a literal blessing, We have two braincells and Daisy has both constantly, Kaminari has more braincells than us, Midoriya Izuku Protection Squad, Aizawa Shouta | Eraserhead is So Done, PowerLoader has 2 problem children and it is too much, Someone save Powerloader he needs help, everyone is having a gay panic™ and no one is okay, Midoriya Izuku is so gay, Hatsume Mei is so gay also, Random having a breakdown in the corner over how baby they all are, Kaminari Denki has ADD, Dekiru loves tags but how do they work, Izuku and Mei are chaotic fuckers, Original Rescue Hero Character, Dekiru and Noddle are having panics in the corner over how amazing the readers are, Send help we be gayer than gay, WHY ARE Y'ALL SO PRECIOUS LIKE DAMN, hi we're both having a gay stroke over how wonderful y'all are like holy shit, no joke i legit started crying when i saw the comments and kudos holy fuck i love you so much

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/2TCPX7G

[janepleiadeshawkins]

Aladdin but gay

Okay I know I haven’t posted in forever, but i saw Aladdin 2019 (again, even though the original will always be better) and it just reminded me of how much I love the idea of a wlw version of Aladdin.

It just works out well in my head. Like, Aladdin is a poor girl who has a big fat crush on Princess Jasmine. And of course she would love to tell her but there’s two wrinkles, 1. she’s not a prince, and 2. she’s not a man. So her wishing to be a prince also makes Jasmine thinks she’s a guy. But in that scene after ‘A Whole New World’ when Jasmine finally recognizes her, instead of just playing it off as dressing up as a commoner she panics and says “I sometimes... dress like a girl! To make sure nobody recognizes me!” And Jasmine sorta buys it, but ultimately is still suspicious and maybe even disappointed because maybe she had feelings for that girl at the marketplace. 

And so at the end of course it’s just like the original (except gayer). Aladdin reveals herself as a woman to Jasmine, and the two of them live happily ever after, the first lesbian couple to rule Agrabah 💕

[carmenspookydiego]

i am so much gayer than originally planned like a few months ago there was this girl at my therapist's office with long braids and teal gauges and i think i smiled? but i might have just grimaced bc god she was so pretty i think that was my first True gay panic and i wonder if she knows what she's done to me like now even my spine isn't straight. -💖

“i am so much gayer than originally planned” MOOD. and aWWW that’s so cute! you should talk to her if you see her again!! (also, spines aren’t straight)

[s-oulpunk]

Winn Schott Jr Is Not Straight

Summary: Winn comes out to  his friends, and realizes the world isn’t as scary or homophobic as he thought (and his friends are a lot gayer than he knew)

TW: Mentions of homophobes, some swearing and homophobic slurs at the end

Coming out to Kara was easy.

Okay, that wasn’t 100% true.

She was very accepting and managed to wipe away Winn’s nervousness with a soothing smile.  But the points leading up to telling her, that was less easy. Winn had always struggled with his sexuality.  He had spent years laying awake at night, wondering how he could possibly have feelings for that girl in math class, yet also have the same emotions come up when the boy from english made eye contact with him.  Throughout all of high school he was constantly changing his mind, one day deciding he was straight only to realize that perhaps he was gay the next day.

Not that he ever said any of this out loud.

He never had many friends he could confide in about this sort of stuff, and telling his dad was definitley off the table.  He was scary enough without being disappointed in his son’s possible gayness.

It wasn’t until Winn was in his twenties that he found the term bi.  The relief he felt when he realized there was a term that fit him, that he wasn’t just confused, was over whelming.  He wanted nothing more than to be able to call someone else and scream “I’m normal!  I’m not a freak like I thought!” But there was no one who would understand.  Because even if he knew he wasn’t a freak, what if everyone else thought he was.

And even when Winn found friends he could tell, a part of him held him back.  Every time Winn got close to saying anything, all he had to do was remind himself of all the insults during high school and he was biting his tongue again. But he hardly ever got close to saying anything.  While he would love to tell Kara and James, it never felt like the right moment.  He was almost positive they would accept him, he had never heard them say anything even remotely homophobic, but the everlasting fear was always there. The day he came out to Kara-to anyone-is an accident...Sort of.

They were cuddled up on Kara’s couch, marathoning Harry Potter and stuffing their mouths full of buttery popcorn.

“Tom Felton is totally boyfriend material,” Kara whispered, more to herself than to Winn.

“Totally,” muttered Winn without really thinking about it.

For a moment the world felt like it had stopped.  Winn held his breath, his eyes nearly bulging out of his head.  How could he have been so stupid?  He had been so careful, how could he ruin it all now?

“I’m not gay,” he blurted, not able to think of anything else in his panic.

But Kara just laughed, her eyes sparkling happily. “I figured you were joking.”

“Oh.” Winn almost felt disappointed.  As terrifying as the thought of coming out was, it would be a relief for someone to know.  So, swallowing his fear, Winn whispered out, “I’m not straight either.”

“Neither is Harry Potter,” said Kara through a mouthful of popcorn. “That boy is definitley bi.”

Winn’s mouth suddenly felt as if it was full of cotton, his tongue feeling twice as large as it should.  His brain felt like it was short circuiting.  The moment had finally come and he had no idea what to do.  His instincts told him to laugh it off and continue on, ignoring this moment for the rest of his life.  But he pushed that away, forcing himself to think of some response.

“I-Um-Yea-Yeah.  Me too,” he mumbled.

Kara didn’t respond right away, and for a moment Winn was worried he had made a mistake.  But then Kara was nodding slowly and cuddling closer to Winn.

“Me too,” she whispered.

Winn buried his head in Kara’s shoulder as he felt a surge of hot tears flood his eyes.  He didn’t say anything, too focused on keeping the stupid tears at bay to think of something.  Whether or not Kara knew about the silent tears threatening to spill over, Winn didn’t know.  He almost didn’t care.

He knew Kara wouldn’t care if he did burst into tears, but crying really wasn’t something he wanted to deal with at that moment.  He just didn’t want this to be a big deal.  He wanted to be able to say his coming out wasn’t some emotional rollercoaster.  But it was.  It might just be the biggest rollercoaster of his entire life.

“I love you,” whispered Winn. “You’re my best friend.”

“Right back at ya, you big nerd,” Kara said teasingly.

Maybe a rollercoaster was okay. [][][] Telling James was a whole other story.

Kara had promised not to tell anyone, but Winn couldn’t help but feel paranoid that James somehow knew.  James had always had that impression on him.  Every time Winn looked into James’ eyes he felt as if the taller boy somehow knew each and every one of his deepest, darkest secrets.  Which was, of course, ridiculous.  But maybe it was part of the reason why Winn tried so hard to avoid him after they first met.  It just made Winn so uncomfortable.  The thought of someone being able to see right through him was maybe the most terrifying thing Winn could think of (And coming from someone who’s friends with Supergirl, he could think of a lot of terrifying things).

Over time he had gotten used to the feeling of being see through, managing to push the paranoia to the back of his mind.  It didn’t take long for James to win his friendship, with all his warm smiles and soft words.  It made Winn feel safe in a way entirely different from the way Kara made him feel safe.  Not that Kara didn’t make him feel safe.  But James was someone who immediately made you feel like you were a friend.  Which would be why Winn couldn’t avoid James.  As terrifying as he originally was, Winn had to admit he did immediately feel welcomed.  Sure, he felt like all his secrets were being exposed to the world, but he felt welcomed.

“I think I’m gonna tell him.”

Winn stumbled as he whipped around, his panicked eyes searching for Kara.  It didn’t take long to find her, offering him a small smile from across the room.

“Wh-What?” Winn choked out, glancing around the room for anyone who could be listening, despite the already obvious fact that they were alone.

“James,” Kara said.  Then, after realizing what Winn must be thinking, she hurriedly added, “I won’t out you.  I just...I feel bad.  Like I’m hiding something from him.”

“I know what you mean,” whispered Winn.  He had spent the majority of his life feeling that way.

“I’ll tell him tonight,” Kara said decisively.  Then, as if they hadn’t just been talking about it, “That I’m pan.”

Winn nodded quietly, his mind running a million miles a minute.  If Kara told James she was pan, did that mean he had to tell James he was bi?  That’s not how these things worked, right?

“I’m sure he won’t mind,” Winn found himself saying.  And though it seemed to reassure Kara, it couldn’t calm Winn’s racing mind.

Winn half expected to tell James when Kara did, to have a sudden burst of bravery and finally be free of the anxiety that curled at the pit of his stomach. But he didn’t.

Instead he found himself smiling through the whole thing, pretending like his words weren’t somehow trapped in his throat and playing on the tip of his tongue at the same time.  But he could never vocalize them. So he went home still feeling as alone as ever, guilt eating away at him at a rate faster than he could’ve imagined.

He couldn’t explain why the guilt was so bad.  It almost felt like he was purposefully hiding from James now.  Before he could’ve chalked it up to the fact that it had never come up before, but now that it /had/ come up, there was no excuse for Winn’s silence.

It was thoughts like these that held him captive from sleep.  No matter how heavy his eyelids got, the sickness in his stomach was enough to keep him staring blankly at the darkness ahead of him.  There was so much of it, the darkness, it almost felt suffocating.  It was all he could see and Winn was positive that if he tried to move at all, the darkness would keep him trapped in place.

But eventually he did move.  At nearly 3 AM, when he grabbed his phone off the nightstand and scrolled through his contact list.

Each ring was torture to Winn’s ears, and the only thing that kept him from backing out was pure exhaustion and three cups of coffee.

“Winn?” James’ voice was groggy and tired, and perhaps a little annoyed at being awoken at such an ungodly hour. “Is everything okay?”

“It’s the darkness, James!” blurted Winn. “It’s keeping me frozen!”

For a second everything was so quiet, Winn could’ve heard a pin drop....if there were any pins to drop.  Then, from the phone, “What?”

“I...” The words died on Winn’s tongue.  What was he thinking?  How could he do this, and now of all times‽ “I can’t sleep.”

“There are pills for that, ya know,” James grumbled.

“I...I know...”

“So?”

“What?”

“Why did you call?”

Winn wanted to kick himself.  Of course that excuse wouldn’t work.  He doubted any excuse would.

He supposed the only option was to tell the truth.

Each breath he took was like tiny daggers shooting into his lungs, screaming at him to stay silent.  Each time he opened his mouth it was like someone had glued his tongue to the bottom of his mouth.  Each time he tried to talk it was as if his throat was slowly closing up, his vocal chords being slowly severed with a wire.

“Winn?”

Winn just needed a few more moments.  Just a few more.

“You still there?”

He just needed to calm his pounding heart.  He just needed to be in a place where he could actually speak.

“Winn?”

Shit, he was going to leave.

“Wi-”

“I’m bi!”

Winn didn’t think there had ever been a silence more terrifying.

“So you, me and, Kara are like the three bisexual musketeers?”

“Technically Kara’s pan,” Winn said, feeling lightheaded.

“Right.”

“So you’re not upset I didn’t tell you?” Winn’s voice sounded small to his own ears.

“I mean, I don’t usually appreciate being woken up at a time like three in the morning, but for something as important as this.”

“Thank you,” Winn choked the words out, thankful James wasn’t here to see the way Winn had to blink furiously to keep the tears at bay.

“Of course.”

“Okay,” whispered Winn. “I think...I think I can sleep now.” [][][] The third time Winn comes out, he’s the one doing the comforting. Since telling James, his guilt about keeping his sexuality quiet had lessened.  The two most important people in his life knew and accepted him, and as far as Winn was concerned, that was enough.  It still wasn’t something he was open about, but the crushing guilt of keeping it to himself had disappeared.  He supposed that was at least a step in the right direction.

Despite the fact that he no longer felt the need to tell someone, the thought of Alex finding out still terrified him.  Not that he thought she would think any less of him, she was just so intimidating, the thought of telling her just about anything was frightening.

It was all irrational.  He knew that, of course he did.

He loved Alex like a sister, he knew she wouldn’t think any less of him just because he tended to lean more towards guys.  But no matter how comfortable he was with himself, her tough demeanor would never fail to remind him of the kids in high school.  The ones who stood around their lockers all lunch because they were too cool to actually eat.  The ones who spray painted the windows and carved their initials into the lockers.  The ones who broke Winn’s arm under the school bleachers because he stared at the cute guy from english class for too long.

Alex would never do those things, though.  She was a badass but she always had good intentions.  No matter how tough she got, she was still the same girl who got too tipsy at Kara’s Halloween party and declared herself “Lord of the Small Cats”.  Maybe that was the only reason she hadn’t managed to scare Winn off yet.  Even if she was tough as nails, she was also one of the most kindhearted people Winn had ever met.

Not that he would ever tell her that.

Not even if he had accidentally walked in on her sobbing her eyes out.  Well, maybe then, but honestly Winn wasn’t even sure if it would help.  What are you supposed to say to a person like Alex in a moment of weakness?

“Are you alright?” Might as well start with the basics, Winn supposed.

Alex’s head snapped up, her breathing catching in her throat and her teary eyes darting around the room for the owner of the voice.

“Winn,” she said, rubbing furiously at her eyes. “What-What are you doing here?”

“I...I don’t know,” Winn answered lamely. “I was on my way back from the bathroom and I just...heard...I saw you here...” he let the words die off his tongue, not quite sure how to continue.

For a moment he stood in silence, fidgeting awkwardly with his hands.  Maybe he should leave, maybe people like Alex didn’t want people around them when they cried.  But no matter how much his mind screamed at him to leave her alone, he couldn’t get his feet to move.  It was as if someone had stapled them to the ground, forcing Winn to stand there as Alex tried to wipe away any evidence of her tears.

“I’m fine,” sniffled Alex, voice wobbling. “Just...stuff...”

“Well do you wanna talk about this stuff?” Winn suggested, an awkward chuckle escaping his lips.

The deafening silence that followed was terrifying.  Every breath he took seemed to be too loud, too distracting, too invasive.  Alex didn’t seem to notice but all Winn could think about was how damn loud his breath was.

Winn was just starting to regret his suggestion when Alex awkwardly gestured for him to sit next to her.  And suddenly his feet were able to move as Winn scurried to her side, squishing himself into the corner.  The wall made his spine hurt and the concrete floor hurt his ankles, but Winn forced that to the back of his mind as he offered Alex a soft smile.

Alex let her breath out in a loud huff as she let her head fall softly against the wall. “It’s...complicated.”

“Well good thing I found you then because if there’s one person who understands complicated, it’s me,” joked Winn, hoping it would lighten the mood.  Alex chuckled a little, almost pityingly, but he still counted it as a win. “You know my friend, Maggie?”

Winn’s heart started to speed up, his fingertips suddenly feeling as if all the blood had rushed out of them.  Was this it?  Was this the moment Alex would say something terrifyingly homophobic and Winn would have to lock the closet door forever?

“Uh-huh,” he choked out, forcing his head to give a little nod.

“I...I don’t see her as...as a friend.” Alex spoke her words slowly, as if she were searching for them as she spoke. “I mean I do!  But I don’t.  It’s...weird.” She paused, as if hoping that would be enough for Winn to understand.  When it was clear it wasn’t, she continued, “I mean, I think she’s great.  She’s really pretty and funny and nice and a good cop, and she likes pool, and beer!  She likes beer!  That’s always a plus!  But anyways, I’m starting to think...I dunno.  Maybe it’s stupid.”

Winn shook his head, almost too afraid to speak.

Alex sighed, running a hand through her hair. “Never mind, it’s ridiculous, I’ll just go-”

“Heyhey!” Winn blurted, his words spilling out almost faster than even he could understand. “It’s not-It’s not stupid.  Or ridiculous, or whatever...Just-Just sit...sit down.  Should I get Kara instead?”

“No!” exclaimed Alex. “No.  I’m...not ready to tell her yet.  I just need to think it through.”

She glanced over at Winn and for a moment, just a moment, Winn could see past her tough girl facade.  Their eyes locked together and for Winn It was almost like staring into a mirror.  The same fear he had felt for years was being reflected back at him.

The silence was back, as if the fear was holding them hostage.  It was taunting them with their voices, giving them a few words, but not enough to coherently tell the other what they needed to know.  Winn held his breath this time, not wanting to be too loud.

“I think I like Maggie...as more than a friend,” Alex finally said, shattering the silence with her words.

But the fear didn’t go away.  Alex didn’t have to say anything for Winn to know that was going through her mind, to know that she was desperate for a reply.  Good, bad, anything.  As long as she knew what he was thinking.  It was a thought process he was all too familiar with.

“I think you two would make a wonderful couple,” Winn said softly. “A wonderful, terrifying, badass couple.”

Alex let out a loud bark of laughter as a wave of relief washed the fear away.

“I’m...not straight either,” Winn admitted, for once not afraid to look her in the eye as he said it. [][][] The fourth time Winn comes out it’s more of an accident.

Work had always been a place where Winn kept to himself.  As afraid as he was to come out to his friends, accidentally outing himself to an acquaintance at work was perhaps one of his worst fears.

His first job was a crappy pizzeria, a place that made its customers pay too much, yet still payed its workers too little.  He smelled like pizza every day, constantly had grease on his hands, and was forced to constantly serve his high school peers shitty pizza.  But it wasn’t the worst job.  He got free pizza slices, got a few extra bucks, and it was a great excuse to get out of the house. Not that that meant it was any heaven on earth.  The kids who came through were rarely anything less than cruel, and even his own coworkers were people to be avoided when he wasn’t at work.

At first he had thought it would be a good way to make new friends, but by the third week one of the other boys had broken his nose because he looked “too gay”.  So it couldn’t be a surprise to anyone why Winn was always a little closed off at work.

Kara was the first person he had really ever opened up to, and perhaps the only reason he didn’t feel the need to keep to himself once he got to the DEO.  The DEO was the only place he had ever worked that didn’t feel like a prison.  The only place where he had a plethora of friends, and he didn’t constantly worry about being judged.

Not that that meant he was planning on coming out there.

Unlike coming the conflict he had always had about coming out to his friends, coming out at work was never a struggle.  It was never even a consideration.  Work was always a place where he kept to himself, even if he had friends there, and it wasn’t that easy of a mindset to change.

And as much as he loved working at the DEO, he always held onto that tiny sliver of fear.  The fear that some coworker was going to re-break his nose, or that something would happen to tip his boss off and he would be fired.  Again. But this wasn’t that easy of a concept to explain to his friends, especially after J’onn was so accepting of Alex.

“It’s different,” Winn insisted. “He wouldn’t worry about you hitting on him.” “J’onn’s not going to think you’re hitting on him,” Kara said, laughing as if it were ridiculous.

“I don’t understand what all the fuss is about,” Mon-El said. “On Daxam, being interested in more than one gender was a common occurrence.”

“Well here on Earth it’s not so common.  And people don’t tend to like anything weird,” Winn huffed, his words perhaps coming out snarkier than he intended.

“You’re not weird, Winn,” said Alex, a soft sigh escaping her lips.

“I know that,” muttered Winn, perhaps more as an excuse to get out of the conversation than to actually tell his friends the truth.  He turned away, fiddling anxiously with his keyboard in some desperate attempt to avoid the conversation.  He supposed he shouldn’t have been surprised to find it didn’t work.

“J’onn’s not going to hate you, Winn,” Alex insisted. “He’s a good guy.”

Winn’s lower lip wormed its way between his teeth, his eyes refusing to move from the computer screen.  He sat, frozen, for a couple moments, trying to allow his brain to think of an argument that could convince them.  That could prove to them, that it wasn’t as easy for him as it was for them.

“I just...I can’t loose this job,” he finally whispered, clamping his hands on his thighs to stop them from shaking. “I love it here.  And I love all of you.  I love working with all of you.  I can’t-I can’t risk it.”

“But you’re not risking anything,” insisted Kara. “It’s all inside your head-”

“You just don’t get it!” blurted Winn. “My entire life has been a series of events telling me to ignore who I was, to push it away!  I would love to believe you, but I’ve had enough people convince me to trust them, only to turn out to be some fucking asshole when they got a glimpse of who I really was.”

He squirmed anxiously in his seat, the silence from his friends causing a nasty feeling to fester in his stomach.

“Sorry, I just...” he hesitated, searching desperately for something to say.  When he came up blank, he stumbled to his feet and pushed past his friends, muttering out, “I need to go-I’m sorry-I can’t be here right now-I-Sorry-”

he threw himself into the first room he could find, slamming the door shut behind him.

Maybe he was being stupid.  He knew not everyone would be like those people in the past, he knew someone would accept him.  But it was much easier to imagine that person being some faceless person he would meet years from now, maybe at a bar or a concert, not someone he worked with now.

Everyone he met, especially at work, he placed a wall in front of.  And over the years he had gotten exceptionally good at it.  He was able to connect with people without letting them see certain parts of him.  Which, alright, maybe didn’t make for terribly good connections, but they were good enough.  Even if he was never invited out for drinks, or for game night, he always had someone to talk to on his break.

At least, until now.  Now not only was he being invited out for drinks at the local bar (an alien bar at that, what a plus!), but he had a group of friends who he could call up at any time, who he could binge all of Big Bang Theory with, who he was having game night with nearly every other weekend, who he could consider family.

Maybe that was why it was so important to come out.

“Agent Schott!  It’s time to come out of the closet!”

Winn nearly choked on his own spit, panic rising in his chest.  How could they do this to him?  He had been positive that even though they didn’t completely understand, they understood enough to let him come out on his own terms? He threw open the door, his eyes burning with uncontrollable anger and hurt.

“Who told you?” he blurted, fighting to keep his voice from shaking. “Was it Kara?  No, I bet it was Mon-El.  Fuck.  And I thought he was getting better at understanding Earth’s customs.  Can’t he understand that I don’t have to tell everyone I’m a fag‽  That I don’t want to be labeled as the local queer‽  Look, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, J’onn, but it’s not fucking okay to out people!”

J’onn waited until he was done, his arms crossed patiently over his chest. 

“You’re standing in the DEO closet, Agent Schott.”

Winn felt as if he had been hit with a boulder. “What?”

Glancing around him, he found that the room he had locked himself in was much smaller than he had originally thought.  He hadn’t noticed in his rush to get away from everybody, but he had in fact closed himself in the nearest physical closet.  It was as if the world was playing some crazy, fucked up, ironic, horrible joke on him.

“O-Oh,” he whispered, heat slowly creeping over his face. “I-I’m sorry.  I didn’t-Fuck-I’m really sorry.  I’ll get back to work now.”

“It’s not the worst thing to happen here,” J’onn waved it off. “I’ve had worse happen to me than being yelled at by a frightened human.”

“I-I’m not scared,” Winn insisted, his eyes darting around nervously.

“good,” J’onn said, and Winn was thankful he didn’t bring up. The obvious fear in his voice. “You have no reason to be.” [][][] When Winn got to work the next day, he was pleasantly surprised to find a small bi flag sitting on his desk.  Next to it was a small note from Kara, Alex, and Mon-El.  A smile flickered over his lips as he read over it, warmth filling his chest.

“Winn, We’re sorry about yesterday.  But we’re so incredibly proud of you for coming out.  I hope this is the first step in being able to love this part of you. Love, Alex, Kara, Mon-El. P.S. I hope you’re happy to find you’re no longer bi-yourself.”

Most of the letter was written in Alex’s handwriting, though the PS at the bottom was clearly in Kara’s handwriting, and the sticky note was surrounded in smiley faces that Winn assumed Mon-El drew.

He couldn’t keep the grin off his face as he stuck it to the top of his computer.  Maybe he didn’t have to be so skeptical of everyone.  Sure, coming out was an absolutely terrifying experience, but in the end there was no doubt it was worth it.

Despite Kara’s awful pun, she was right.  Winn was no longer alone and he didn’t have to fear coming out anymore.  He wouldn’t be shouting it from the rooftops, and he was positive he would still be petrified nearly every time he had to open the closet door, but the most important people in his life accepted him.

Winn had always felt a like there was some tiny hole in his heart, due to the fact that he would never have a family to come out to.  He never even had a foster family to come out to, as he was being dragged from one home to the other almost too often for him to remember.

But as he stared at the little sticky note on his computer, and the small flag that laid on his desk (he would need to get something to hold it up later), that hole suddenly felt like it had been closed up.  Because he had a family after all, and not only did they accept him, they loved him.  And Winn couldn’t have been more grateful.

[meek-boy-rogers]

You’re My Soulmate

Fandom: Marvel Words: 6,675 Summary: Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes are soulmates. Steven and James written delicately on the others wrist. This is how they lost each other and found each other.

Warnings: Okay, so basically this is just Captain America: TFA, TWS, and a hint of CW with like an alternate ending and a little bit of lines are changed and its gayer than the originals. Also, soulmate AU. 

This took me so long to write and I wanted to give up so many times but finished it! Enjoy. Thank you xxx Bambi

 Steve knew exactly who his soulmate was, they both knew. It took the two a long time to come to terms with the fact. It was the 40s, after all. Two men being together was practically forbidden, if you were outed, you were shunned. They spent countless nights talking about it, talking about the fact that their wrists hold the others name, yet no one else can see that. It was thrilling, almost. That they knew they belonged together but no one else dare know the secret they hold on their skin. They loved each other, no doubt. They shared unspoken kisses and soft touches, they held each other late at night, knowing that this was only for them.

 When Bucky joined the 107th, Steve had to come to terms that he had to let his soulmate go into a war that he might not return from. They kept telling Steve he was too weak, too small to go to war. But, Steve never gave up. Even when Bucky told him not to do anything stupid till he got back, which Steve took as ‘don’t you go lying on your enlistment papers again’. Which he didn’t listen too, but fortunately he met Dr. Abraham Erskine, who gave him the chance. He trained to the best of his abilities, which wasn’t much seeing as he was as healthy as anything but a horse. He wanted nothing more than to protect and fight for his country.

 It was a surprise he’d survived the super serum, no one would have foreseen it. Peggy was worried for him, they’d gotten close when he told her about Bucky. She didn’t see the problem; a soulmate is a soulmate. If it is meant to be, how could it ever be wrong? She assured him that she would keep it to herself, she told him that Bucky would be okay, he seemed like an able soldier. Steve couldn’t help but agree, he really looked up to Bucky. Much to Steve’s excitement, no longer would that be a literal statement. But, with every good thing, came the downside. Steve wasn’t made into this super soldier to protect his country, he was nothing more than a showgirl. He was kind of glad that Bucky couldn’t see him then, he thinks he would be disappointed in him.

 He travelled the world doing shows, same thing over and over. He thought this was what it would take to get him into the field, so he did it. In Italy he was met with Peggy, he was quite relieved to see a familiar face, that was until she informed him that many men from the 107th were killed or taken by Schmidt.

 “Well, if it isn’t the Star-Spangled Man with a Plan. And what is your plan today?” Colonel Phillips asked, sarcasm laced in his voice.

 “I need the casualty list from Azzano.” Steve ordered, clear panic in his voice.

 “You don’t get to give me orders, son.”

 “I just need one name. Sergeant James Barnes from the 107th.”

 Colonel Phillips pointed to Peggy, “You and I are going to have a conversation later that you won't enjoy.”

 “Please tell me if he’s alive, sir. B-A-R…” Steve pleaded.

 “I can spell.  I have signed more of these condolence letters today than I would care to count. But the name does sound familiar. I'm sorry.” Phillips didn’t even look at Steve when he said it, he was faced the other way.

 He didn’t even plan a rescue mission, he just stated that winning the war is what would resolve the issue. When Steve observed the map, Peggy knew immediately what was going through his head and she knew that she had no choice but to help him, because damnit, that was his soulmate out there. She could see him looking down at his wrist, drawing a finger across it. She called up Stark as soon as she came to the conclusion that she would help him, no matter what. As soon as they made it onto enemy territory, he got ready to jump out, telling them as soon as he was out, for them to turn around and get out of there.

 It only took him knocking out 4 guards to make it to the prisoners. Once he let them out, he made his way to the isolation ward that one of the prisoners told him about. He wondered around, taking out all the guards he came across before he went down a corridor where he saw a shorter man running, a bag in his hand. He hesitated to go after him when he heard murmuring, whispers.

 “Sergeant. 32557…” He trailed off. Steve entered the room, seeing Bucky strapped down to chair.

 “Bucky? Oh my God.” He started to work on the straps, taking them off his wrists and ankles. He could see the dazed look in his eyes, “It’s me. It’s Steve.”

 “Steve.” Bucky had a smile on his face, teeth showing through. He was still a little confused.

 “I thought you were dead.” Steve spoke softly, looking over his love.

 “I thought you were smaller.” Bucky looked down over Steve’s body, noticing the height difference that was on Steve’s side now. “What happened to you?” Bucky asked, holding onto Steve for support.

 Bucky continued to ask questions, while Steve was pushing forward, trying to find Schmidt. They heard an explosion, causing Steve to look down, seeing the factory was going up in flames. Steve and Bucky made their way up higher, only to be greeted with Schmidt, “Captain America! I'm a great fan of your films. So, Dr. Erskine managed it after all. Not exactly an improvement, but still impressive.”

 Steve punched him in the face, causing them to fight before Zola pulled a lever, causing the bridge to separate. Schmidt kept talking, talking about how he was Erskine’s best creation before he peeled back his face to reveal the Red Skull. He entered the elevator, leaving Steve and Bucky in the doomed building. They made their way up further, Steve sent Bucky across the makeshift bridge first. The shaking of the building causing it to start giving out under his weight, but he made to the other side before it fell.

 “There’s got to be a rope or something!” He yelled across to Steve.

 “Just go! Get out of here!” Steve yelled, waving his arms for emphasis.

 “No! Not without you!” Bucky retorted.

 Steve looked around for a second, weighing his options before moving the piece of metal on the barricade that was in his way. He walked back a couple of steps. He looked at the distance, took a breath out, then ran. He jumped, behind him the building going up into flames, before he landed.

 It took them days to get back to the field, but it was worth it. When they finally got there, him and Bucky leading the way, they were met with soldiers clapping, hollering.

 Steve saluted to the Colonel, “Some of these men need medical attention.” He stated, before speaking again, “I’d like to surrender myself for disciplinary action.”

 “That won’t be necessary.” He says before turning to Peggy, “Faith, huh?”

 “You’re late.” Peggy said, before Steve held up the transponder.

 “Hey! Let’s give it up for Captain America!” Bucky yells, looking at Steve with proud written across his features.

 They put together a team, hundreds of men pulled together to take out Hydra bases, with Captain America leading them. They took down dozens of the bases together, going in guns blazing. Till, one day they caught up to Zola. He was on a train, heading somewhere, and fast. They sent men down on a zip line to the train, but Steve and Bucky were the ones who went inside. There for each other till the end of line, right? When they got in, Steve up front, leading the way, the door shut right after he entered another section of the train. The guards kept coming, when they would take one or two out, more would pursue them. This caused a guard to rip a hole right in the side of the train, Bucky had no choice but to jump out as the guard raised his gun again. Steve took the guard out.

 “Bucky, hang on!” Steve made his way out of the train, holding onto the railings. “Grab my hand!” He said, seeing the railing Bucky was holding onto was giving out. But, Bucky couldn’t reach. He fell. “No!” Steve yelled.

 He’d promised himself, his country, Peggy, and most importantly, Bucky, that he would take down Hydra. He would make sure that every single person was captured or dead, he did just that. He took down Red Skull, more likely that he took down himself. But, he found himself in a situation where he had to put his life to an end, to save his country. He signed up for that, though. He knew that if he didn’t force the plane down it would hit New York. Peggy tried her best to talk him out of it, but it was his choice. And she knew he was doing it for the greater good.

 Now, here he is. In the 21st century, working along side Natasha Romanoff, or more formally, Black Widow. He didn’t miss the fact that usually all she did was suggest him to woman for him to ask out, he always swept it off, telling her was too busy or making a half assed excuse. Sometimes, he’d catch himself looking down at his wrist with the faded name; James. He’d remember when the name used to be written with bold, dark lettering. Now, it seemed nearly gone. He couldn’t help it when sometimes he would trace his fingers over it, thinking about him and how he would love the world in 2014. The future. Natasha didn’t need to know much about him, she knew of him, everyone did. Steve Rogers best friend, sidekick. If only they knew the full story, if they only knew the love the two men shared. It would be a completely different story.

 When Fury showed up at his apartment telling him that S.H.I.E.L.D was compromised, telling him to trust no one, he was worried. He looked over to his window, seeing the man who shot him and pursued him. When he made it to the roof with the man, he threw his shield, only for the man to catch it with his metal arm, before he threw it back and nearly knocked Steve off his feet. He looked over the city, seeing the man was gone and sighed. When Nick died, he took it into consideration that he shouldn’t trust anyone and hid the flash drive that he gave him. The last thing he thought would happen was the S.T.R.I.K.E team circling him, along with the rest of S.H.I.E.L.D. When he made back to the hospital to retreat it, he was met with Natasha.

 He pulled her into a room, before pushing her up into the wall. “Where is it?”

 “Safe.” She retorted.

 “Do better.” He said, still not letting her go.

 “Where did you get it?” She asked, he shot back his own question, asking why would he tell her. “Fury gave it to you. Why?”

 He asked her more questions like what was on the flash drive, asking if she knew that Fury was the one who ordered the pirates onto the ship. When she kept dragging it on, he held her arm tighter, telling her he wasn’t going to ask her again.

 “I know who killed Fury.” She stated. He loosened the grip on her. “Most of the intelligence community doesn’t believe he exists. The ones who do call him the Winter Soldier. He’s credited with over two dozen assassinations in the last 50 years.”

 “So, he’s a ghost story.” Steve said.

 “Five years ago, I was escorting a nuclear engineer out of Iran, somebody shot out my tires near Odessa. We lost control, went straight over a cliff, I pulled us out, but the Winter Soldier was there. I was covering my engineer, so he shot him straight through me.” She lifts her shirt to show a scar on her hip. “Soviet slug, no rifling. Bye-bye bikinis.”

 She tells Steve about when she went after him, but he’s a ghost story. She surrendered the flash drive to him, letting him take it. He went on to say, “Well, let’s find out what the ghost wants.”

 They disguised themselves, hoodies up, hats on, fake glasses. They made their way to a public mall, using a laptop in an Apple store. Natasha was running through the flash drive while Steve looked around, anxiously. He tried to hurry her along after an employee came up to them, just in the last minute she got the location. Wheaton, New Jersey. They made their way out of the store, keeping their heads low. Natasha told him to put his arm around her shoulder and to laugh, before they made their way to the escalators.

“Kiss me.” Nat said, after spotting Rumlow coming up, causing a confused look from Steve. “Public displays of affection make people very uncomfortable.”

 “Yes, they do.” He said before she leaned up, grabbing the back of his neck and placed her lips onto his. Once they made it out of the mall without being caught, Steve stole a truck and they made their way to New Jersey.

 “Alright, I have a question for you, which you do not have to answer. I feel like if you don't answer it though, you're kind of answering it, you know?” Natasha went on, causing Steve to let out an impatient ‘what’. “Was that your first kiss since 1945?” She asked, a small smirk playing on her lips.

 “That bad, huh?” He jokingly questioned, which she stammers and says she didn’t say that.

 “I’ve just wondered how much practice you’ve had?” She asked.

 “You don’t need practice.”

 “Everybody needs practice.” He informed her afterward that it wasn’t his first kiss since then. “Nobody special, though? You’re soulmate?” She asked, looking down at his wrists.

 “It’s kind of hard to have a soulmate when they aren’t exactly alive anymore.” He stated, giving a small, sad smile. He decided to change the subject. “You know, it’s kind of hard to trust someone when you don’t know who that someone really is.”

 “Yeah.” She said, looking out the window for a moment. “Who do you want me to be?” She asked.

 “How about a friend?” He asks, causing Nat to let out a small laugh.

 “Well, there's a chance you might be in the wrong business, Rogers.” She said, just as they pulled up to an abandoned military base.

 They walked around the base for a moment, Steve couldn’t help but think of the horrible memories it held from when he was being trained and no one believed in him but Peggy and Dr. Erskine. He spotted a building that wasn’t meant to be there, telling Natasha that Army regulations forbid storing ammunition within 500 yards of the barracks. They walked up to it, Steve breaking the locks with his shield before walking into the office type space. Concluding that this was most likely where S.H.I.E.L.D started. They came across a shelf, Steve noticing the movement of the spiderwebs, seeming that there is air flow through the small space between the shelves.

 “If you’re already working in a secret office…” He spoke, pushing the shelves out of the way, revealing an elevator. “Why do you need to hide the elevator?” He questioned.

 Natasha used her phone to find out the passcode to open the elevator up, pressing the numbers in, causing the doors to open with a ding. They looked at each other before stepping in and going down. The room they came upon held old computers and technology. Natasha looked around, confusion written across her face.

 “This can’t be the data-point, this technology is ancient.” She looked over to Steve, before he eyes travelled down to a port. She made her way over to it, placing the flash drive into one of the slots. The computers started whirring, coming to life. The computer spoke, the words ‘initiate system’ coming across the screen.

 “Y-E-S, spells yes. Shall we play a game?” She spoke while typing into the keyboard. “It was from a movie that was really...” She trailed off when Steve interrupted.

 “I know, I saw it.”

 The computer started to static, a green outline of what looked like a face came into view before it started to speak, “Rogers, Steven. Born, 1918. Romanoff, Natalia Alianovna. Born, 1984.”

 “It must be some kind of recording.” Natasha concluded, confused.

 “I am not a recording, Fräulein. I may not be the man I was when the Captain took me prisoner in 1945, but I am.” The computer spoke, before a picture of Arnim Zola was projected onto another small computer screen.

 “You know this thing?” Nat asked, pointing her head to the computer.

 “Arnim Zola was a German scientist who worked for the Red Skull. He's been dead for years.” Steve walked around the computer, examining it and the room as the robotic version of Zola spoke.

 “First correction, I am Swiss. Second, look around you. I have never been more alive. In 1972 I received a terminal diagnosis. Science could not save my body, my mind, however, that was worth saving on two hundred thousand feet of data banks. You are standing in my brain.”

 Zola went onto to show them and walk them through how it got to this point. Showing them that he was recruited by someone in S.H.I.E.L.D, or how he explained it, a beautiful parasite inside of S.H.I.E.L.D. He showed photos of the chaos that was caused over 70 years, a picture of the Winter Soldier flashing across the screen briefly. Steve could feel his anger building on as the robotic man went on, he couldn’t help but punch the screen with all his willpower. Only for him to come back onto the smaller screen.

 “What's on this drive?” Steve asked, hurriedly.

  “Project Insight requires insight. So, I wrote an algorithm.”

 Natasha stepped up next to Steve before speaking, “What kind of algorithm? What does it do?”

 “The answer to your question is fascinating. Unfortunately, you shall be too dead to hear it.” Zola said just as the metal doors began to close, Steve threw his shield, but it was too late, the doors closed.

 There were 30 seconds tops before the bogey was to hit, Zola still kept talking. Steve noticed a metal grate, flinging it open before pulling Natasha and himself into the hole, holding his shield over their heads to protect them from the debris. He managed to get the heavy pieces of the roof off them, picking up a loopy Natasha. Just before S.T.R.I.K.E agents arrive and start to roam the area for them. Only one person came to mind when he thought of somewhere trustworthy.

 He showed up to Sam Wilson’s house, told him he needed a place to lay low, that everyone they know is trying to kill them. He welcomed them in, ensuring that not everyone is out to harm them. They informed him of what was happening, how S.H.I.E.L.D was after them, about Hydra. He showed them what he would call a ‘resume’.

 “I can’t ask you to do this, Sam. You got out for a good reason.” Steve spoke, looking up from the file.

 “Dude, Captain America needs my help. There's no better reason to get back in.”

 He went on to tell them where they could find his jet-pack suit. They found Jasper Sitwell, pressured him for answers about the algorithm. It was to kill off people by the millions, anyone who is a threat to Hydra. Now or in the future. He told them that the 21st century is like a digital book, Zola taught them how to read it, to see everyone’s information. The algorithm goes through people’s pasts to predict their futures. Sam was driving, making their way to Triskelion, they were talking over the plan to stop the Helicarriers.

 “What? Are you crazy? This is a terrible, terrible idea!” Sitwell spoke urgently, right before there was a thud on the roof and he was yanked out of the car and thrown into oncoming traffic by the Winter Soldier. The Soldier started to shoot through the roof, Natasha jumped to the front of the car onto Steve’s lap, moving him forward. Steve reached for the emergency brake, pulling it, causing the man to tumble off into the road. He swiftly landed before standing back up and looking at them, eyes covered with a pair of goggles and a mask covering his lower face.

 Just as another car slams into the back of them, pushing them along the road toward the Winter Soldier. He jumps back onto the car, smashing through the windshield and yanking the steering wheel out of the car. The other vehicle keeps pushing them, causing the car to almost flip. Before it could, Steve pulled Sam and Natasha close to him, against the car door, and fell out, shield protecting them along with the car door. They slid along, Sam falling off, rolling onto the pavement. The Soldier shot at them, Steve pushing Nat out of the way and using his shield as protection. He was pushed back, landing into a bus. The other agents and the Winter Soldier began shooting at Nat and Sam, Nat shooting at them before taking off, hiding behind a truck and shooting up at the bridge at the man.

 Once Steve got out of the bus, him and Sam took out the men with the machine guns. Steve ran to find the Soldier, seeing him standing on top of a car, gun up getting ready to shoot. Steve runs toward him, the man seeing him and punching his shield, breaking out into a fight. The man kicks Steve back, pulling out his gun and shooting at Steve. Steve used his shield to ward off the hits, before going toward the man, shield in front of him. The man took hold of it, flipping Steve, only for Steve to go along and land back on his feet, leaving the man with the shield. They fought for a few moments before the Soldier threw Steve’s shield. Steve leaning out of the way of being hit, before pursuing the man again. They battled, Steve trying to avoid the knife. The man grabbed him by his throat, throwing him into a van, raising his knife. Steve held the mans wrist away from him, causing them to cut a long, jagged cut along the side of the van. Steve got the man away from him, pulling his shield out of the back of the vehicle before getting back into fight mode. He shoved his shield in the mans robotic arm, hit him in the face with it to catch him off guard before grabbing his face, flipping him onto the pavement.

 The man rolled along the ground, swiftly as usual, mask falling off in the process. He stood faced away for a moment before turning to face Steve. Steve looked at the man, confusion and heartbreak battling in his heart and mind, he stood up straighter.

 “Bucky?” He asked, the name rolling off his tongue like a breathy sigh.

 “Who the hell is Bucky?” The man spoke with anger, confusion laced in his voice. He raised his gun up, not getting the chance to shoot as Sam flew in, kicking the man away. He stood back up, he looked toward Steve, he hesitated for a moment before raising it again and shooting the grenade behind Steve.

 There was barely anytime to think before the S.T.R.I.K.E agents rolled in, yelling at the trio, arresting them. Steve didn’t even have the energy to fight. Only one thought was able to slip into his mind, one name. Bucky. Bucky. Bucky. When they finally made it into the van, being escorted to presumably S.H.I.E.L.D.

 “It was him. He looked right at me like he didn’t even know me.” Steve spoke as if he was on autopilot.

 “How's that even possible? It was like seventy years ago.”

 “Zola. Bucky's whole unit was captured in '43, Zola experimented on him. Whatever he did helped Bucky survive the fall. They must have found him and...” Steve explained, before Natasha cut him off. Telling him it wasn’t his fault. “Even when I had nothing, I had Bucky.” Steve said, sadness showing through his voice.

 Sam notices that Natasha is bleeding, looking toward the guards and ordering a doctor. He moved back a bit when the guard pulled out an electric rod, before they flipped it and jammed it onto the other guard, knocking them out by kicking them. The guard took of the helmet, to reveal Agent Hill, “That thing was squeezing my brain. Who’s this guy?” She asked, referring to Sam.

 The following went by almost like a blur. Agent Hill took them to a secret facility where they were met with Fury, still alive. He spoke to them about his injuries, why he faked his death. That he didn’t know who to trust. Just while they were doing that, Bucky was getting his arm fixed, going through his scrambled brain to past memories. He saw Zola, he saw Steve, the man, hanging off a train yelling. Bucky no! The pictures, the memories went by like a film on a projector. He felt himself get angry, losing control. When the man came in, the bad man, asking for a mission report. He couldn’t speak, he didn’t speak. The man slapped him.

 “The man on the bridge… Who was he?” Bucky asked, going back to the blonde-haired man who said a name, a name that itched the back of his brain because he knew it, he could see it, but he couldn’t grasp it, hold onto the memory of the man who looked at him with so much distress but with a lost love glinting in his blue irises. The man insisted he’d met him on another assignment. “But, I knew him.”

 He couldn’t focus on the words the man was saying, he could only replay memories of this man. He looked down at his wrist, that held a name. It was bold, dark. Steven. The name went through filters in his mind. Steve. Steve. Steve. The men kept talking, pushed him back into the chair, restraints holding his arms back, a mouth guard tucked securely in his mouth. As soon as the electricity was running from his head, he couldn’t help but yell out the name, before he didn’t even know what name he was yelling anymore.

 Steve looked over the trees and the water, a memory of him and Bucky playing in his head. I’m with you till the end of the line, pal. It was a sad memory, but it was also a happy one. Knowing that Steve and Bucky were going to be there for each other, no matter what. It was reassuring.

 “He's going to be there, you know?” Sam interrupted Steve’s thoughts. Steve gave a quiet ‘I know’. “Look, whoever he used to be, the guy he is now, I don't think he's the kind you save. He's the kind you stop.”

 “I don’t know if I can do that.” Steve spoke, not going into detail as to why. But, the name that took over his wrist, that was his soulmate. James, Bucky, that was his soulmate, the love of his life and he was going to fight to keep him, to save him.

 They suited up, Steve wearing his suit from WWII that he stole from the Smithsonian, Sam with his jet-pack wings, Agent Hill in her usual. They had Natasha using a digital face that was made to look like one of the Counselman. Steve took over the intercom, telling the agents of S.H.I.E.L.D of the hijacking done by Hydra, telling them that the S.T.R.I.K.E and Insight team were Hydra agents as well. He gave them a speech, hoping they’d do the right thing. Once Steve and Sam made it into the Helicarrier and placed the two cards in the rightful spots, it wasn’t long before Bucky, the Winter Soldier, showed up. He tackled Steve, sending him off the Helicarrier, Sam going after him only for the Soldier to grab one of his wings and flip him back. Soon enough, Sam was grounded, leaving Steve to his lonesome on the ship.

 When Steve found the last port for the card, Bucky was waiting for him. Eyebrows scrunched, a solid, straight face. Almost as if he had no emotion.

 “People are going to die, Buck. I can’t let that happen.” Steve said, getting no response, no facial movement at all from the other man. He pleaded, “Please don’t make me do this.”

 He knew that he wasn’t going to stand down so, he threw his shield at him. Only for Bucky to block with his arm and the battling to begin. For a moment while Bucky was down, Steve opens the targeting blade system. Bucky continued to fight him, causing the card to fall from Steve’s hand. Bucky fell off the platform onto the windowed floor below, Steve following to grab the chip before the fight broke lose again. As Steve was pulling out the knife that Bucky jammed into his shoulder, Bucky reached for the card, as he grabbed it Steve goes to grab him by the throat, slams him down and locks the arm that is holding the card. When he wouldn’t drop it, Steve snapped his arm. The crack and scream that came from Bucky left an unpleasant shiver down his spine. He rolled them over, arm around Bucky’s neck, leg securely holding down his metal arm.

 He waited for him to pass out before grabbing the card that fell from his hand and running to the targeting system, pulling himself onto the platform. Once he got on, Bucky became conscious and shot Steve in the thigh. Steve pushed on, climbing up to the system, only for Bucky to shoot him once more in the shoulder. Just as he was about to put the card into the slot, Bucky shot him once more in the back. Steve dropped, holding his stomach. But, in the last minute, he slid the card into the slot, causing all the targets to be wiped and for it to reset, making the carriers the targets. Hill told him to get out, but he knew it was no use.

 As the carrier was being taken down, he got up, noticing that Bucky was pinned by a heavy piece of the ship. He jumped down onto it, still gripping his stomach before making his way over to where Bucky was. The unsteadiness of the Helicarrier causing him to fall back. But, he got back up, using all his strength he could muster to get the debris off Bucky. He took a couple shallow breaths.

 “You know me.” He stated, looking over to Bucky who was just standing up.

 “No, I don’t!” Bucky yelled, punching the shield causing Steve to fly back.

 “Bucky, you've known me your whole life.” Steve tried to stay on his feet, the ship moving under him making him unstable. Bucky hesitated for a second before raising his fist and hitting Steve again. Steve didn’t fight, he chose not to. “You’re name is James Buchanan Barnes.”

 “Shut up!” Bucky screamed, punching Steve once more, causing him to fall onto the grown. Steve only got up again, took off his Captain America helmet, and stood his ground.

 “I’m not going to fight you.” Steve says, dropping his shield through a hole, letting it fall into the water below them. “You’re my soulmate.”

 Bucky looked at Steve for a few heartbeats before running after him, pushing him to the ground, hovering over him, “You’re my mission.”

 He punched Steve once, twice, three times, four times. Repeating the words over again, before stopping. He looked at the beaten-up Steve, eye swollen, blood trickling down his face. The twist in his heart confusing him further. He raised his hand once more, held it there.

 “Then finish it.” Steve spoke, voice gruff and laced with pain. “Cause, I’m with you till the end of the line.”

 Bucky examined the mans face. He knew the phrase, he knew this man. But, his mind was still fuzzy. He was still unsure exactly who this man was, but he could feel a tugging in his heart, a pull in his chest. He felt love, compassion, confusion. But only for a brief moment because now he was looking at the man falling. His mind raced. This man was only a mission, would say one part of his brain. Another repeating, Steve, Steve, Steve. He let go of the bar he was holding, falling in after the man. He swam a few feet before reaching a hand out to the mans shoulder, holding him above water while he swam to shore. Thoughts swimming in his mind the same as he swam through the ocean.

 When he reached the shore, setting the man down out of the water, he couldn’t help but study his unconscious form. The man was moving his head, water seeping out of his mouth. He had to look, he had to. Even if it would wake the man. He bent down, raising the mans right wrist, looking over the area of skin. James. That’s what it read. James Buchanan Barnes, the name that the unconscious man kept saying, Bucky. It was him. He sighed and looked around before standing back up and leaving the man, knowing he was alive, so it didn’t hurt as much.

 After his recovery, Steve set to find Bucky. To go after him. Natasha gave him his file, telling him to be careful. Sam agreed to help him, like he said; he does everything Steve does, only slower. He went over the file hundreds of times, he followed every trace that would lead to where Bucky was. With help from Sharon, he was able to locate him in Bucharest, Romania after nearly two years of searching. It wasn’t ideal to have to mourn the loss of Peggy and then set off to find Bucky, but it was as if losing someone was meant to happen to regain another. He didn’t know whether to trust that Bucky wasn’t the same, hostile as he was back in Washington, he made sure to suit up, bring his shield as protection.

 When he showed up to the small apartment, the bedroom and kitchen connected, he walked around, examining the room. A mattress lay on the ground, there wasn’t much furniture besides a table or two and a couch. He noticed a small notebook underneath two candy bars, he flipped through it. It seemed to hold memories, words, names. Things he remembered during his time away from Hydra, the world. But most importantly, a picture of Steve in his Captain America uniform.  It was almost an hour before Bucky returned, Steve could sense another person in the room before he turned to see Bucky, he had his guard up it seemed.

 “Do you know me?” Steve asked, setting the book down. Bucky stared at him, face showing no emotions, but if you looked closely enough you could see the pain hidden deep in his eyes.

 “You’re Steve. I read about you in a museum.” Bucky stated, looking away for a moment.

 “I know you’re nervous. And you have plenty reason to be, but you’re lying.” Steve took a step closer, but only one, in fear that he’ll scare away Bucky.

 “I haven’t done anything wrong, not since Washington. I don’t do that anymore.” Bucky said, changing the subject.

 “No one said you did.” Steve retorted, taking another small step forward. Bucky walked over to a table, placing his bag of plums onto it. He removed a glove from his metal hand. “You pulled me from the river. Why?” Steve asked, voice soft yet urgent.

 “I don’t know.” Bucky looked up at Steve, his eyes holding turmoil and just hint of a glint that looked a lot like a hidden love.

 “Yes, you do.” Steve said, giving him a stern look, holding his ground.

 Bucky sighed, walking over toward Steve before going to the couch that was placed next to him, sitting down. He placed his hands over his face, leaning forward. He let out a muffled groan before sitting back up. He heard Steve’s footsteps coming toward him, and he couldn’t help but watch him. Steve took off his helmet, running his hands through his hair before kneeling in front of Bucky. He was a little claustrophobic in that moment, his lungs feeling like the air was slowly leaving him to just be soaked up by Steve. He couldn’t remove his eyes from Steve’s though, even when Steve moved his eyes toward Bucky’s covered wrist. When he lifted the sleeve up to show the name written delicately on his wrist.

 “Steven.” Bucky said, voice softer than it has been in a while. He liked the way the name danced on his tongue, it tasted sweet, loving. “Stevie.”

 Steve lifted up the sleeve of his Cap suit, showing Bucky’s birth name on it. He placed his next to Bucky’s that was laying on his lap. The names, the wrists and the men, they fit together so perfectly, so delicately. Bucky couldn’t stop his heart from racing, from the panic that set in, the tears that decided to leave without permission. He came to the realization that he hurt this man, his Stevie. He hurt him in more ways than he thought possible.

 “What’s wrong?” Steve asked, seeing the tears spilling from his loves eyes, the expression that took over his features.

 “I hurt you. And I didn’t mean to, I know I probably didn’t have much of a choice, but why couldn’t I stop them from doing this to me? If I could take out dozens of innocent people and even people who had abilities near to mine. How come I couldn’t stop average men with guns?” Bucky questioned, searching Steve’s eyes for answers.

 “It isn’t your fault, you know? It’s theirs, they took over your brain, your thoughts and memories. Wiped you clean of all of them. You had no power over them.” Steve tried to reassure him. He thought it best to change the subject, “Now, do you know why you saved me from the river?”

 “Because, I love you. Even when I barely had control of my own actions, I knew I loved you. You’re my soulmate.” Bucky answered, a small smile playing on his lips when he finished.

 Steve couldn’t hold back much longer, he’s waited over 70 years to feel Bucky again, to feel the softness, the warmth that was him. He placed his hands gently onto the sides of Bucky’s face, rubbing small strokes on his cheeks. He looked over his face once more, eyebrows scrunched, fear of losing him again setting in causing his grip on Bucky to strengthen by a little. He shut his eyes for a single moment, relishing in the moment till he felt a cold finger run along the side of his face, knowing it only to be Bucky’s metal arm. In a moment, he was leaning in, lips pressed softly onto the rougher ones of the other man. He knew this kiss was different than any others they have shared. Their older ones weren’t scared, they weren’t fearing the loss of them like they were now. They’ve felt the loss and coldness of not having the other with them, they don’t plan on feeling that again. So, they held each other tightly as their lips moved together urgently trying to make up for 70 years of lost touches, kisses and presence of their soulmate.

[crowned-ladybug]

Not Going Anywhere

I’ve been writing for years now and i still can’t do titles

This ended up longer, quite a bit gayer and all around very different from what I had originally planned. I just wanted to write angst with no planning beforehand and then it ran away with me

Characters: Chase, Bing, Anti (also the Googles and Dark)

Word count: 5.3k

Warnings: panic attacks, injury, horrible pacing and like no plot, probably very ooc, can be seen as shippy/pre-slash if you wanna

When Chase arrives home to his little human flat, he expects a lot of different things. For starters, he expects to see Anti and Bing, as he had invited them both for a movie and video game night (granted if Anti could control his glitches) with the badly disguised intention of getting the two of them to like each other more. His hopeful and naive side expects them to be sitting on the couch and talking. His less hopeful side expects them to be doing their own thing and completely ignoring each other. No side of him expects this.

Anti is hiding in a corner, curled up into a tiny ball, hands pulling at his hair and his whole body shaking in terror. He’s constantly glitching and Chase can barely hear his own thoughts over the loud white noise.

He’s only seen Anti in this bad of a condition once before. They had been filming a skit with Sean - well, Anti and Sean had, Chase was just watching and helping out - when Anti swung his knife around a little too enthusiastically and he clipped Sean’s arm. It wasn’t a deep cut at all, and Sean’s yelp was one of surprise and not pain. Chase helped bandage up Sean’s arm, but Anti broke down and had a full-blown panic attack over hurting his friend.

Chase is terrified to find out what’s got him in such condition this time.

He follows the stare of Anti’s glassy, dark eyes to the other end of the room, and he no longer needs to wonder where Bing is.

Bing’s sprawled on his back on the carpet, eyes empty and wide open, and one of his arms twisted in a painful angle. He looks dead, Chase thinks, and he has to remind himself that Bing never appears to be breathing in the human world.

Chase rushes over to his side, and he sees Anti flinch violently as soon as he moves. As much as he wants to calm his brother, he has to make sure Bing’s going to be okay first.

He falls to his knees beside Bing’s unmoving body, not even noticing how close he came to crushing his sunglasses that have fallen off, and he immediately moves his arm into a normal position. At least it doesn’t appear to be broken. Then he instinctively reaches for his neck, forgetting as always that Bing isn’t human. He doesn’t have a pulse, his chest doesn’t fall and rise, he has no beating heart. Chase has no way to know if he’s even still alive. He forgets to pull his hand away from Bing’s neck as he breaths in and out once, twice, trying to fight back the urge to cry.

“Bing…” his breaths come short. “Bing!” he tries again, louder this time, grabbing his friend’s shoulders. “Bing! Goddamnit…wake up! Bing!”

Bing doesn’t wake up.

His head rolls from side to side as Chase shakes him, but he remains unconscious. Chase can barely look at his face.

Bing’s eyes are wide open and it’s terrifying. One glows white and the other flickers rapidly on and off like a faulty light. There’s a crack running down his cheek starting from that eye, but there’s no blood, of course there isn’t. Chase has never seen Bing look so much like a robot before.

“Goddamnit…” Chase breathes again, and he reaches up his hand to run it through his hair a few times, forgetting about his snapback. The hat falls off his head, but Chase can’t hear it hit the ground - the white noise is still too loud.

Chase takes a quick glance around the room and notes that nothing seems to have changed. Even the pillows on the couch are arranged as usual. His eyes fall to Anti and he swallows. He has no way to help Bing or know if he’s a goner, not right now, but he can try to calm Anti down and get some help.

He turns back to Bing, grabbing his neck again on an impulse. “Don’t you dare die on me, bro, don’t you…fucking dare…or I swear…” the strength leaves his voice halfway through. “Just…don’t do that. Don’t you leave me.”

With that he pats Bing’s chest and shakily pushes himself to his feet.

He’s not sure how to approach Anti. He just does what his heart tells him to.

Slowly, he kneels beside his brother and reaches his hand out. “Anti…hey, bro…”

Anti’s head snaps to look at him, but Chase isn’t sure how much he sees. His eyes are wide in fear and pitch black. Before Chase could do anything, he hides his head in his arms. He’s talking, but his voice is so distorted Chase can’t make out a word of what he’s saying.

Chase tries again. Anti is glitching so much it’s disorienting to look at him, and the white noise just keeps getting louder, but he has to try to get through to him.

He grabs Anti by his arms and turns him towards himself. He’s still shaking like a leaf and Chase finally sees that the cut on his neck is wide open and gushing blood.

“Anti, bro,” he pulls him closer until their foreheads are pressed together to make sure he doesn’t turn away again. “I’m here, it’s okay. It’s okay.”

Anti’s lips keep moving and Chase can finally hear his name amongst the distorted noises, along with countless apologies. “Sorry, sorry, sorry, I’m sorry…”

“It’s okay. Whatever happened, it’s okay now,” Chase isn’t sure if Anti can understand him, but the white noise seems to be fading while he’s talking to him and he’s given up on trying to tear himself away from his grasp. “I’m here now, it’s okay. We can fix it. I’m not mad at you.”

Anti hiccups a sob, and once he starts crying he just can’t stop. He falls forward, wrapping his arms around Chase tightly. He buries his head into his chest, pressing himself as close to him as he possibly can, crying his heart out.

“Ch-chase…Chase…I’m sorry…” his voice finally evens out enough that Chase can understand him every time.

“It’s okay,” Chase sighs now that Anti is at least reacting to his presence and wraps his arms around him. He leans back and feels his shoulders hit the wall. “I’m here. It’s okay.”

Anti doesn’t seem to believe him. He just keeps muttering apology after apology, but he becomes slower and weaker as his panic starts to ease and his tears soak Chase’s jacket. Chase holds him tight, combs his fingers through his hair and tells him that they’re going to be okay until the white noise dies out and Anti is nothing more than a hiccuping heap in his arms. All the while Chase doesn’t allow himself to look towards Bing. He just can’t.

“Hey, bro,” Chase starts when he deems Anti calm enough to talk to.

Anti gets it, he pulls away tentatively and sits back onto his calves, though his hands keep ahold of his brother’s arms. Just to be safe.

“Chase, I…I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay, just-”

“No, it’s not okay!” Anti all but shrieks and his shoulders shake as fresh tears roll down his cheeks. “I…I didn’t…”

“Just tell me what happened,” Chase cuts him off, then quietly adds: “Please.”

Anti swallows shakily. His eyes are still mostly black, but Chase is starting to see the white edges again. That’s a good sign. Chase finally lets his eyes drift towards Bing for a second. Bad idea. He can feel his heart breaking into even more pieces instantly.

“I didn’t mean to hurt him!”

“I know,” Chase nods with more certainty than he thought he would be able to manage. “I know…”

“He just…we…” Chase watches as Anti takes deep breaths to keep himself calm before he continues. “We got into an argument, and I…”

“Anti,” Chase tries almost forcefully to keep his brother’s attention on him.

Anti looks him straight in the eyes and he starts crying again. “I didn’t realise that my glitches would hurt him.”

Chase doesn’t know what to say. He doesn’t blame Anti, of course he doesn’t, even if he once had he wouldn’t after seeing him so pained by his actions.

“I was an idiot, okay?” Anti cries. “I…I was an idiot and I was jealous of him because you two get along so well and you’re so much alike and…and I’m just your dumb scary brother who isn’t even your brother, who couldn’t even protect you from your stupid wife, and I-”

He can’t keep talking any longer, he just buries his face in his hands and cries.

“No…”

That’s all Anti hears, a tiny “no” and he knows that here comes the moment Chase throws him out and never talks to him again, because he hurt his best friend, he could easily have killed him, he’s an absolute monster.

Instead he feels himself being pulled into another hug and he can’t find the strength to pull away. Chase doesn’t know what to say. They will have to talk this out, sometime in the future but not now. Not now.

“You are my brother. My hundred per cent real, actual, awesome brother. I would never replace you,” Chase squeezes Anti close to his chest. He feels so dumb.

“He…” Anti doesn’t know how to respond to Chase’s words, so he doesn’t. Instead, he pulls away and wipes at his face.  “He started glitching out after I did and…I didn’t realise,” he looks to the side, then back at Chase, eyes wide. “I didn’t realise I was hurting him until he stopped screaming.”

Chase bites his bottom lip. He’s trying not to picture it - Bing glitching out, writhing in pain, screaming…it hurts to think about it. The worst thing is that it had obviously hurt Bing even more.

“I tried to stop! I did! But,” Anti takes a deep breath again. He’s still on the verge of tears. “It took me too long, I think. He just…fell to the ground and didn’t…didn’t get up. I was too scared to do anything.”

It takes Chase a little time before he can respond.

“It’s…it’s okay. I’m not mad at you,” he tries to sound reassuring. He hopes he succeeds, for Anti’s sake. “Come on…let’s go check on him.”

He doesn’t know what to expect, but he also doesn’t know what else to do.

Bing looks the exact same as when Chase had left him. When Chase falls to his knees beside him, it’s not entirely of his own accord. Anti sits next to him and presses himself into his side. He’s still shaking a little bit and he looks exhausted. Chase doesn’t blame him – he also kind of wishes he could just close his eyes now and never wake up again.

Anti reaches out and places a hand on Bing’s arm. His eyes are fully black again and his eyebrows scrunch up in concentration. He doesn’t speak for a few seconds.

In the meantime, Chase’s gaze doesn’t leave Bing for a second. He’s not surprised he only sees now, but the crack down his cheek isn’t the only one. On the arm Anti is holding, right where the vein should be there’s a long, dark crack, charred around the edges. Chase cringes mentally just looking at it, and he places a hand upon it to hide it from sight. Bing’s skin is still warm, warm as ever, and Chase lets himself believe that that’s a good sign.

Anti bites down on his lower lip so hard he draws blood – which, to be frank, isn’t exactly the hardest task with fangs like his. He sighs.

“He’s still alive.”

Chase’s head shoots up to stare at his brother. Anti continues without waiting for him to speak.

“He’s alive, but he’s weak and hurt and completely knocked out. I don’t think either of us can fix him,” he looks back at Bing. “We need to get help.”

Chase is surprised by how small his voice sounds when he speaks. “Do you think the Googles can help?”

“Yes, definitely,” Anti takes his hand off of Bing’s arm. He doesn’t feel like he’s allowed to be even near him, not after what he’s done to him. “And maybe that doctor friend of yours, too.”

They arrive in their dimension wobbling clumsily, carrying Bing together. He stirs as soon as the world around them comes into view, and Chase clutches him closer, looking around frantically.

Today the place looks like a hotel from the inside, but there aren’t hotel rooms behind any of the doors. The first one they find leads into a forest, the second opens to a hangar, the third reveals some sort of lounge with couches and armchairs. They decide to settle for that.

As soon as Bing is laid on one of the couches, still barely conscious, Anti is visibly itching to run. Chase places a hand on his arm but doesn’t look at him, too scared to move his gaze away from Bing for even a second.

“Find Google as quick as you can, send him back here. Then look for Dr Schneeplestein too, if you can.”

“You got it,” Anti nods solemnly, and he’s gone in no time.

Chase feels numb as he drops to his knees for what feels like the hundredth time that day, placing himself near Bing’s head. He watches his chest rise and fall now that they’re in a dimension Bing’s a little more human in. His eyes are shut now, but there are still cracks in his skin and he looks awfully pale. Chase is too scared to think about how he must be feeling.

Because Chase had secretly hoped that Bing would be wide awake as soon as they passed into their dimension. He hoped he would be back to normal, a little hurt and frightened but nothing major, nothing a few band-aids and hugs can’t fix. But his hopes were for nothing, Bing is still barely conscious and Chase feels so helpless. He drops his head onto Bing’s shoulder, watches his unmoving face from a low angle and tries to make himself believe that everything would be okay.

He doesn’t notice when the tears start rolling down his face.

Bing stirs, finally. He groans, and Chase’s head shoots up to stare at him, and his eyes slowly crack open. They aren’t glowing white anymore, the right one is completely black but the left one is the usual golden yellow, even if a bit paler than normal, and Chase tries to concentrate on that.

As soon as his gaze finds focus on Chase’s face Bing smiles, even if just a small, weak smile, and Chase finally realises that he’s crying. He can’t be bothered to wipe away the tears with new ones already forming in his eyes. He wants to say something very cheesy, or maybe knock his lovable bastard of a best friend upside the head for scaring him even though it’s not his fault at all, but he doesn’t.

Bing’s eyes slip shut again and his head rolls to the side, but there’s the faintest trace of a smile on his lips still and Chase knows he’s still with him, just resting. He can’t blame him, honestly, poor guy must be feeling like absolute shit. So Chase just sits in silence, watching over Bing, wanting to be as alert as possible but zoning out way too easily despite all his efforts.

He flinches violently when he hears footsteps approaching. He turns around and looks up, and he finally wipes at his eyes when he notices that he can’t see properly from the tears that are still there. His startled eyes soften when they fall on Anti, who’s standing nervously beside a newly arrived Google.

Google looks immaculate as ever, all clean cut edges and neatly organised details, artificially perfect. The large white G on his shirt glows faintly. Chase has never liked Google, especially after learning how mean he (or they when he decided to split himself into four for increased efficiency) tends to be to Bing, but this once he’s happy to see him.

“Anti has already told me everything I need to know,” Google says as he walks over, voice completely emotionless. Chase reconsiders how glad he is exactly to see him but decides that it solely depends on how helpful he can be to Bing.

Speaking of Bing, he tiredly opens his eyes upon hearing his fellow android’s voice. Chase watches warily, but Google remains as emotionless as ever and Bing doesn’t seem to have the energy to speak, let alone make any teasing comments.

Chase knows he should probably just step aside and let Google do his thing, but he’s reluctant to, even after Google gives him a pointed look. He only gets up when Bing turns his head to look at him and visibly tries to gather the strength to say something probably overly cheerful and reassuring. Chase decides that he’d rather worry from afar than exhaust his friend further.

So Chase stands up and gives Google a warning look before moving to stand beside a still very anxious Anti. He loops an arm around his brother’s back and pulls him into his side, and he can feel that he’s still trembling. Poor thing.

“I couldn’t find Schneep. I’m sorry,” Anti whispers, so quiet that Chase barely hears.

“It’s okay,” he responds, leaning his head against Anti’s. He watches as Google gestures towards Bing’s cracked arm but Bing seems too weak to lift it or move it towards him. Google reaches for it instead, placing his hand on it not unlike how Anti had done earlier, and his eyes start flashing rapidly as soon as he makes contact. Bing’s eyes slip shut again. Chase’s shoulders tense.

They wait in silence for a bit, but after Google doesn’t say anything nor does Bing stir for a minute or so, Chase speaks again.

“Go,” he tells Anti, and he hopes he sounds certain enough. “find Dark.”

Anti only turns to look at him quizzically. Dark is not someone who could be of help at a time like this.

“Go, find him. No need to bring him here, just find him. Give him a hug, I don’t know…Stay with him,” Chase asks gently, and when Anti opens his mouth to object, he adds “Anti, you’ve already been hurt so much today, you don’t need to stay here to see the rest of this. It’d be better if you were with Dark instead. I’ll let you know if anything happens.”

Anti’s still shaken, he very much is, he still looks like he could break down crying any second. Normally Chase wouldn’t send him away, but right now he can’t comfort him. And if there’s someone Chase knows he can trust to make sure Anti’s safe and unhurt, it’s Dark.

Anti pulls him into a hug. “But promise you’ll tell me,” he mumbles into Chase’s shoulder.

“Yeah, bro, I promise,” Chase pats his back and somehow musters a small smile when Anti pulls away.

Anti takes a step away, then another, and it looks like he really doesn’t want to leave, but by the time he gets to the door he’s sprinting, running off to find Dark, the sinister man in the black suit, his best friend. Chase watches him go with a warm feeling.

When he turns back towards Bing, Google is standing up straight again, eyes the regular dark brown, waiting patiently for Chase to finish his business and listen to him. Bing is either unconscious again or just resting, it’s practically impossible to tell.

“So…?”

Google gives him a small nod before he starts. “Minor external and severe internal damage. System is-” he stops abruptly, closes his eyes, shudders. His shoulders lose some of their unnatural tension and his eyes don’t look emotionless when he opens them again. “Look, he…he’s suffered a blow about as hard as a complete bluescreen and several destructive viruses combined could deal. Let’s just say…he’s seen better days. It’s a wonder he’s even awake in such state.”

Chase wants to speak, but no words come to him. For one, Google is actually acting human, or the most human Chase has ever seen him at least. And two, the weight of Google’s words hit him hard, hard enough that he feels like he can’t breathe. Seen better days, my ass, what Google described doesn’t seem like anything someone could just bounce back from. Chase doesn’t want any sugar coating.

“I can fix him,” Google says before Chase can catch his breath and talk. “Not externally, someone else will have to do that, but I think I can restore him. Mostly, at least,” when he sees Chase’s expression harden, he quickly adds. “After such severe damage, it cannot be expected for everything to be safely restorable. But I think I can get back most of it.”

Chase still doesn’t look convinced.

“Listen, he might have to install some updates again. I might not be able to get back some data from his memory banks, but I’m still your best bet.”

Chase doesn’t even care about that last part, of course Google is the only one who can really help here. But two words catch his attention more than anything, circling around in his head, unable to stop.

“His…memory banks?”

“Yes, obviously there’s going to be some corrupted data that’s-”

“I don’t care about your programming bullshit!” Chase cuts him off and even he’s surprised by his sudden outburst. He completely forgets Bing is even in the room and that maybe he shouldn’t be shouting. “I don’t care…you said you…you won’t be able to get some stuff back from his memory. Does that mean there’s going to be stuff he just…can’t remember anymore? Is he going to lose entire memories?”

“Chase,” Google’s unusually quiet and Chase immediately shuts his mouth. Google’s never called him his name before. “Yes, he is going to lose certain memories. But you take up a very larger per cent of his memories. There is absolutely no way that he will forget you entirely.”

“Okay…” Chase sighs, lowering his head. So Google could guess why he was so scared, but it probably wasn’t too hard anyway. And Google’s right. For crying out loud, Bing smiled at him as soon as he saw him, he smiled and he tried to talk, of course he’s not going to forget him, of course he remembers him, of course, why would he not? “Okay. I’m sorry.”

Google nods. “No worries. It’s understandable,” he looks at Bing again, still resting silently. “I’m going to need to get some equipment here, but after I do I can get started on restoring him.”

It’s taking too long and Chase is convinced that that’s a bad sign. He refuses to believe Oliver’s reassuring words and the facts Red presents him with when he asks. It’s taking too long.

He’s sitting with his back against the couch Bing is laid out on, clutching his hand like his life depends on it. Maybe it does. The crack on Bing’s arm, running all the way from his wrist to the inside of his elbow is bandaged up now, Chase’s rushed handiwork, but it’s better than nothing.

Chase doesn’t want to look at Bing and see him hooked up to dozens of different machines, he’s already aware enough of the mechanic whirring and the clicking as the Googles work on saving his best friend. So he just holds onto his hand, the warmth of it just the slightest bit comforting, tangles their fingers together and presses them against his heart in a feeble reminder that they’re both still alive.

At least it’s not just the Googles and him, sitting on the floor like a useless, tired lump, always in the way. Anti has come back even after Chase telling him that he didn’t need to because he wouldn’t miss anything.

Now he’s asleep. He’s sitting on another couch with Dark who absolutely refused to leave him, curled into his chest and looking almost as small as when Chase had found him in the corner of his living room. Except he’s not scared now, lucky guy. He’s fast asleep, face tucked into Dark’s shirt and Chase is sure Anti’s the only one allowed to crease the carefully ironed fabric like that. Dark watches the Googles work with sharp, hawklike eyes, but his gaze softens when it finds Chase’s and he blinks slowly before placing his chin on top of Anti’s head and going back to observing the Googles.

It’s taking too long.

Chase wants to ask Oliver again as he passes by, how much longer exactly? Oliver notices and he would answer before he even hears the question, but his eyes drift past Chase and his lips draw into a wide smile because unlike Blue, Oliver tends to show emotion almost as much as a normal person. Before Chase could question what’s going on Oliver moves on and gets back to work and Chase can feel Bing’s fingers close tighter around his.

He turns around so quickly it’s a miracle he doesn’t get whiplash.

Bing’s awake again after being put on standby mode for the better part of the restoration process. He looks like he’s just woken up after twelve hours of sleep and would like to get another ten, but he’s awake nonetheless and grinning like an idiot. A very loopy, tired idiot.

It takes all of Chase’s self-restraint not to straight up tackle him in a hug but he manages. Instead he just scoots a little closer and settles for a quiet “How’re you feeling?”

“Like I just got hit by a truck after pulling an all-nighter,” Bing answers after a bit of thinking, but he doesn’t seem too unhappy with his current situation. “Is this what a hangover feels like?”

“Nah, dude,” Chase shakes his head, chuckling. “I’m guessing what you’re feeling right now is much worse.”

“Better hope you never find out then, bro.”

Chase only nods. He doesn’t know what to say and they both go quiet for a bit. There’s so many thoughts chasing around in his head right now, but he has no idea where to start with them.

“Have you been holding my hand the whole time?” asks Bing after a while, but his voice doesn’t hold anything but genuine curiosity and maybe a slight bit of amusement.

Chase shrugs nonchalantly. “Yeah.”

“That’s not very heterosexual of you,” Bing says and Chase laughs, a loud, joyful laugh, and gosh does it feel good to do that again. It feels like it’s been days since the last time he’s even cracked a smile.

He drops his head onto Bing’s chest and mentally notes (with a bit of disappointment) that he has no appropriate bi jokes up his sleeve right now. Bummer.

“Don’t care, man. You’d better believe I’m not letting go of you for probably the rest of your life after this,” it comes out more serious than intended and Bing’s smile slowly shrinks. But before Chase knows it, it’s back and he can’t help but smile along.

“Well, good thing I don’t intend on leaving anytime soon anyway, then.”

It’s a process.

Dr Iplier and Dr Schneeplestein stitch up the cracks on Bing’s skin to the best of their ability. They leave behind thin, shiny scars, but Bing doesn’t seem to mind. They’re barely visible anyway unless you know where to look, and Bing seems to forget about them a lot easier then Chase or Anti do.

The Googles, despite their previous claims, manage to fix up Bing’s right eye. His vision is back to normal in no time and he’s beyond happy to get back on his skateboard the moment he has his sense of depth back.

There’s a few other things in need of fixing, but they all get done eventually. It’s a bit of work, but Bing is persistent and Chase’s kids don’t judge, and so Bing relearns tiny movements with his injured hand by playing LEGO and various video games. His balance requires a bit of work before he can safely stand on a skateboard again, but they draw chalk lines onto the asphalt on the streets for Bing to follow and he’s as good as ever in no time.

Mental scars heal a lot less easier.

It takes a while for Anti to even just be in the same room as Bing, let alone go near him. Bing, too, no matter how well he hides it and how much he’s sure Anti didn’t mean to hurt him, acts wary and needs his time. It takes a lot of time for Anti to stop shutting himself away and for Bing to not walk on eggshells around him anymore, but after a month Chase decides to retry the movie night idea and it works out. It’s a little tense at first, no hard feelings around but both Bing and Anti not wanting to hurt the other (or Chase in the process), but at some point Bing cracks a dumb joke and Anti laughs so hard he falls backwards, and the next time they meet Bing greets Anti with a wide smile.

They sit down, have long talks. First just Chase with Anti, then Bing gets involved too. Chase is very much aware that if he had only communicated better then all of the pain and struggles would have never happened. He talks everything through with Anti, all the jealousy and troubled thoughts, and it takes a long while to weed it all out, but if anything, Chase is willing to work on it. He’s determined to make his brother feel as loved as he really is. They get there, eventually.

It’s a process, a long one, but they manage.

Chase smiles to himself as he closes the kids’ bedroom door quietly. They’re already asleep, the house is dark and quiet and Bing is waiting for him in the living room so that they can watch some movie together and probably end up talking and cracking dumb jokes all the way through it.

“Hey,” Chase starts as he falls back onto the cushions next to his best friend. He gestures back towards the children’s bedroom with his head. “remember the first time you decided to read them a bedtime story?”

It’s a nice memory, a happy and familiar one. One of those precious evenings Chase really loves to remember.

“…no,” Bing admits quietly though he really doesn’t want to. “No, I don’t remember that one.”

Chase looks heartbroken for a second and it doesn’t matter how quickly he covers it up. Bing didn’t end up losing much of his memories, but sometimes…sometimes they accidentally uncover another missing one, another hole, and hurts to think about. It probably hurts Chase more than it does Bing, honestly.

“Hey…”

“No, no, it’s fine, I just…” Chase shrugs and looks away. He doesn’t know what he was even going to say.

“Chase,” Bing says in an uncharacteristically serious voice and Chase finally looks at him again. “Yeah, I lost some of my memories. But I have plenty left,” he breaks out into a grin again because he has trouble staying serious for longer than half a minute. He nudges Chase gently. “and we’ll make plenty of new ones.”

Chase nods in mock surrender and nudges Bing back. He feels relieved for some reason and he smiles. “Yeah, you’re right. We’ll make plenty of new ones.”

[evengayerpanic]

Beyond the Hollows [Week 5]

Read Another Part: [One]    [Two]    [Three]    [Four]    [Five]

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It isn’t quite a surprise that Rica acts first, flying out of the room at the scream with Sae close behind her. Sae is so overwhelmed at this point that she can’t handle being the first one into action. Not again.

They move nearly as one though, the raven-haired woman just a few steps in front of Sae as they take the staircase, the handrail practically being used as a vault to jump around the last few steps as they touch down on the landing and step into chaos.

Sae isn’t sure what she expected least. 

The zombie; an older man, dragging the bottom half of his body along the ground towards Cari, his hand wrapped tightly around the little girl’s ankle as she screams and frantically tries to kick him off of her. 

Or... Rica freezing in place the moment she sees who it is, unable to move any further, Sae running into her as she becomes the barrier between Sae and Cari.

With the adrenaline of the days events, Sae propels herself forward, passing the stunned Rica as the blonde flings herself towards Cari, grabbing a hold of her arms and trying to haul her backwards away from the monster who’s using her leg to pull forward.

It doesn’t work.

The man has too solid of a grip on her, and as Sae hauls Cari backwards, he comes with them, his mouth opening to try and take a bite out of Cari.

Cari screams once more, Sae panics and her own foot comes out to swing at him, kicking him in the jaw as hard as she can before he can take his intended bite.

“Help!” Sae shrieks at Rica, her plea falling on deaf ears as the woman seems like she’s in shock. “Cari, keep kicking!” She turns instead to the child who despite being in a frenzy, is able to follow directions.

The little girl uses her foot to keep trying to kick the man off of her, but he’s relentless and won’t let go. Even with the force of Sae’s own kick having knocked a few of his teeth out, his grip stands tight on her.

Sae goes to kick him again, aiming for the arm that’s holding onto Cari, but as she hits him, Cari lets out a scream of pain as he rips her leg closer to him, the impact of the kick making him recoil but not let go.

“Hold on!” Sae yells again, getting back to her feet and running for the kitchen. She can hear Cari scream for her not to leave, but she knows she’s got to do something, and fast if Cari is going to stand a chance.

She spots a knife block, the first knife she goes for happens to be a large chef’s knife. It’s perfect. 

Wielding it like the weapon it absolutely is, she rushes back into the hall, where Cari is still kicking the man off of her, he’s closer to her than before, and Sae knows she has to act quickly or risk it all.

With a primal and animalistic scream of rage, Sae races at the man, knife outstretched at the ready.

It’s over so quickly that Sae’s heart is racing ten miles an hour, blood pumping so hard she can hear it.

She reaches the man, grabbing him by the back of the neck and lifting his head up and away from Cari. 

With her other hand she plunges the chef knife into the top of his head, straight down the middle. He gurgles, then goes limp. The upper half of his body hits the floor and his hand drops it’s hold on Cari’s leg.

It isn’t quite over yet, Sae immediately turns to Cari and barks at her, voice unintentionally loud and harsh. “Are you hurt? Did you get bit?!” She demands, pushing away from the man and immediately checking Cari’s legs for bites or scratches as the child shakes her head wildly. “Are you bit?!” She yells.

“N-no!” The little girl cries out, bursting into tears.

Sae takes a shaky breath of relief, before she turns from Cari and violently upends the contents of her stomach, horror overtaking her as she takes in the reality of what just happened to them.

She heaves, choking on her own spit and shudders in the realization. “I just... killed someone.” She shakes.

Sae curls up into a ball, scooting backwards away from the body and her own bile until she’s in the living room, and then she breaks down.

The events of the day finally hit her, and Sae begins to sob. Only pausing as Cari piles into her arms, and she wraps herself around the little girl, and starts sobbing again. The adrenaline leaves her and exhaust takes over, as the events swarm her mind.

Kate. Luka. Curtis. Martin... Taking a life.

It’s all real. This new horrifying life isn’t a nightmare. It’s all real, and Sae... Sae wants out of it now.

She stills, body wrapped tightly around the little girl. Sae holds the trembling child close to her, trying to reassure both herself and Cari that the latter is fine, she’s okay, she’s not been hurt. She won’t change.

Glancing at the body on the floor, blood pooling from his wound, Sae looks at Rica still frozen. “Was that...?” She asks, but she already knows the answer.

“Harold.” Rica confirms softly, breaking her stupor. 

As the older woman looks to the girls and finally seems to recognize what has happened, she rushes into the living room, snatching a blanket off of the couch and turns back to drape it over the dead man.

“I don’t understand.” Rica’s words fall on deaf ears, Sae instead focused at the pictures adorning the walls. 

Harold and his wife on a vacation.

Harold and his wife in their backyard.

Harold holding what looks to be a grandchild.

Sae killed a man; a father, a husband, a grandfather... She killed someone. Instead of just running away like before, finding other ways around. Sae killed a man.

Sure he was a zombie... But, he wasn’t always.

“I should have looked harder for him, I shouldn’t have left... He had to have been still alive, otherwise how would he have found his way home...” Rica is rambling, but Sae honestly only catches parts of it, instead her mind wanders to the what if’s.

What if she had been too late?

What if she hadn’t been able to kill him?

What if Cari had been bitten?

“I’ll check the storm cellar, that has to be where he got in.” That’s the part Sae picks up on and she nods her head silently as Rica rushes down the basement steps that the man had emerged from.

She continues to hold Cari, to comfort the both of them that the worst didn’t just happen, that the little girl is okay and safe. It’s weird to Sae that in just a few short hours, her priorities have changed so wildly.

_________________

Rica secures the storm cellar, locking the doors to the outside and throwing some furniture in front of them just to be extra cautious of their situation.

She locks the door between the basement and the main level as well, locking away the storm cellar on the off chance that anything can break through. It provides little comfort considering what they’ve already gone through in just a few hours.

The three girls decide to hunker down for the night. 

By the time all the dramatics are over with, it isn’t late into the day, maybe two or three in the afternoon. Though it has felt so much longer than that... They could leave, there is still hours of daylight left, but at the risk of not finding somewhere else safe before night fall, it’s just easier, and safer, to stay put.

Sae and Rica go around securing the doors and windows. Being snuck up on is not a mistake they are willing to make twice, especially not with how disastrous the last time could have been. With that in mind, they barricade the weak spots and choose emergency exits where they keep the bulk of their supplies should they leave at a moments notice.

(They add a fanny pack of first aid supplies to their stockpile, beside Cari’s small backpack of snacks, and even manage to find a dusty set of golf clubs as Rica secured the basement. It’s not much, but it’s a weapon a lot heavier than a chair leg and more versatile than a kitchen knife.)

The two older women work as a team, trading off jobs until the house is as secure as it could possibly be. Cari doesn’t leave their side often, straying only a few feet to grab something should they ask, or to move out of the way as they’re lifting the heavier pieces of furniture to place in front of doors and first-floor windows that can be reached from the ground.

It’s silent for the longest time. The three girls are so focused on their task to even think let alone speak.

Eventually though, the oldest of the three breaks the silence. “I’m sorry that I froze back there.” She whispers, just loud enough for Sae to hear as they’re sliding an oak cabinet in front of the back door.

“It’s okay.” Sae lies to the both of them, like she didn’t only just stop trembling barely half an hour ago.

“No, it’s not.” Rica corrects her, knowing a little too much. “You both could have died back there... I just, I never expected I would see Harold like that... I’ve been his PSW for the past four years and... and-”

“I get it.” Sae interrupts, looking at Rica, this time not lying. “When I saw Kate like that? I froze too.”

The girls go silent again, reality settling in for both of them and keeping them alarmingly quiet until a soft grumble breaks through the quiet.

“You guys haven’t eaten today, have you?” It’s more of a statement than a question, but still Sae feels the need to answer it regardless.

“We had some snacks on the road...” She realizes how ridiculous that sounds and clarifies. “While we were walking here from the resort, we had some kids school snacks out of Cari’s bag.”

“Well, we should probably eat.” Rica shrugs.

And so they do, Rica making something out of the food in the cupboards of Harold and Margaret’s kitchen. It’s only a basic meal, but it fills Sae and Cari, and loosens their tongue a little after the incident.

_________________

It isn’t until much later though, that Sae feels comfortable enough to speak freely once more.

The rest of the night is awkward and uncomfortable, they can’t risk putting the television on (flashing lights are an indication someone is home), and the radio seems to be nothing but static. There are books, but nothing meant for a child, and so they spend their evening trying to tell Cari stories or jokes, anything to distract her from what’s going on.

When it’s just past nine they decide that tomorrow is a new day, and they can retire for the night to try and shake off some of the horror of the day’s events.

They lock themselves in an upstairs bedroom, not the master suite but instead they settle in the guest one (where Rica had slept the night prior). 

They have their bags packed at the window just to be on the safe side, their makeshift weapons leaning on the wall just beside. Cari has just been put down, the child passing out the moment her head hit the pillow.

Sae is sat on the bed as well, just beside Cari, stroking the young girl’s hair as she looks at Rica with a solemn look. They’ve decided to take the night in shifts, one person always up to ensure they won’t be snuck up on, even with plenty of noisy traps downstairs.

Sae isn’t tired though, not yet, and so she chooses instead to stare at Rica, and be stared back at.

“I don’t know if I can do this.” Sae breaks the silence first, looking down at the sleeping child and then back at Rica. “I didn’t think this could happen.”

Rica laughs bitterly. “None of us did.”

The blonde closes her eyes, blinking back tears for what seems like the millionth time that day. “I just wanted a nice vacation to come out to my sister... The worst thing I thought would happen is that she’d be upset.... But this? This is much worse.”

Rica shakes her head. “I don’t know.” She can’t hide the smallest smirk. “The way my Mother reacted when I told her *I* liked girls was pretty apocalyptic.”

Sae glances back at her, cracking an eye open and narrowing it at the older woman. “That isn’t funny.” 

A beat passes.

“Okay.” Sae can’t hold back her own small smirk. “You’ve got to tell me now, how did she react?”

Rica lets out a quiet laugh, not wanting to wake Cari up. “Fire and brimstone.” She explains, the memory nothing more than a footnote in her history as an adult. “You would have thought I was taking candy from orphans and kicking puppies.”

Sae smiles to herself at the ridiculousness that she’s picturing. “Just how long ago was this?”

“Ten years.”

“And she’s good with it now?”

Rica stills, then shakes her head. “Haven’t spoke to her since. She kicked me out of the house, and I had to live with my girlfriend at the time’s parents until I was done highschool.”

Sae goes quiet again, smile gone. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine, she made her choice and so did I. It’s done.”

“Maybe we deserved this? Maybe it’s god’s way of telling humanity that we’re really the monsters?” 

Sae wants to take the words back immediately. 

Kate was not a monster - she was good and kindhearted and sweet. Cari’s father didn’t appear to be a monster either, just a man full of love for his only child. Neither one of them deserved what had happened to them. She can’t imagine that Harold or his wife, who seemingly treated Rica like one of their own family, had deserved this either.

She can’t find the words to explain what she meant though, and Rica seems to understand that, so the dark-haired girl just gives her a look, shakes her head and says softly. “You should sleep for now, your shift is in only a couple of hours.”

And that’s what Sae does. Shifting a little so that she’s cradling Cari in her arms, the young blonde lays her head against the pillow and tries to fall into an uneasy sleep.

_________________

It’s ten to two when Sae jolts awake, the room is dark and she’s about to call out for Rica when a whisper in her ear stops her before she can open her mouth.

“Shhh, be quiet.” She wants to be scared, but she recognizes the voice, it is Rica.

“What’s going on?” She asks, before the sound reaches her ears. It’s a siren, shrill and blaring, just outside of the window of the room they are in.

It rings for about thirty seconds, then stops for another thirty, only to continue ringing in that on and off pattern. Sae immediately knows what woke her.

“Where is that coming from?” Sae hisses, looking down at Cari who’s stirring just slightly over the noise.

“One of the neighbours, come.” Rica helps Sae out of bed, making sure that they don’t disturb Cari and the two make their way to the window.

Sae sees it, a car from the house across the street, she knows its that car because of the way that the lights will flash as it blares, only to turn off in the thirty seconds that it stalls, and then it flashes again.

“How did that turn on?” Sae asks, concern filling her.

“I have no idea.” Rica looks around the dark street below, heart racing as she tries to make out what the situation is. “Something must have bumped it, that’s not important though...”

Sae looks at her quizzically.

“What’s important is that we get it to stop.”

This time the confusion turns into bewilderment at the older woman. “Just how are we going to do that?”

Rica weighs the options in her head for a moment, seemingly working something out before opening her mouth for a plan that Sae immediately gets a gut feeling is nowhere near a good one.

“I’m going to go across the street and turn it off.”

[theartificialdane]

Galactica, part 233

In this April has her work cut out, Alaska comes home, Bianca takes a meeting and Violet struggles with a simple request.

Thank you @veronicasanders @toriibelledarling and @samrull ❤️

“And remember-”

“Perfection in the job puts pleasure in the work. I know Miss.”

“That’s all.”

April was pretty sure she had seen Fame smile to her as her boss left the design floor, but she honestly couldn’t be sure, her brain one giant black hole, the mountain of work in front of her suddenly seeming larger than Everest. April had jumped on the opportunity the moment Trixie had mentioned her. She wasn’t really a clothing designer, not like Violet or Betty or even Alexis. She did jewerly, which was her strength, but unlike her coworkers, she knew how to not overdesign and to keep her lines clean, something Marie Claire apparently wanted from Galactica now, even though it wasn’t their brand at all.

April looked at the collection she had in front of her. Ivy had helped her earlier, the two picking out earlier scrapped Galactica creations and some of Aprils rejected sketches. If April was honest, she couldn’t really believe why Ivy hadn’t been promoted yet, the redhead always around, picking up pieces and fixing everything, the woman acting like Raja’s right hand that you weren’t afraid of getting slapped by, but Ivy had told her several times that she was perfectly happy where she was.

April took a deep breath, carefully collecting her flying thoughts. It was late at night, the floor mostly empty except for the light in Trixie’s office that was still on, the quiet sounds of a piano sailing out of there, Ivan most likely sleeping in his high chair while Trixie did all the paperwork for design that he was so far behind on. It comforted April to know that her boss was close, that she could always go ask him, and even the fact that there was an infant at her work place as well. Design had been so deprived of joy when Bendela was their boss, April afraid to smile and laugh and even dance with Yara and Alexis as she often did on her breaks, but all of that was gone now, Trixie’s good mood, Ivan’s babbling and even the pure panic that could explode on the other side of the room if Violet’s dog had eaten something from the floor of the cafeteria, which made the little dog more hazardous than a bio bomb.

April sat down, a miniskirt in front of her in the colors Violet had been working on, her friend’s sketches and fabric samples laid out in front of her. April grabbed her sewing machine and got to work, Trixie keeping her company even though they might as well have been in two different worlds.

***

ALASKA: Just landed…

JINKX: OMG YAY! Just got home from the matinee…

ADORE: I MADE DINNER!

ALASKA: ????

JINKX: She’s such a liar

ADORE: JK but I ordered pizza. Or…I mean I’m gonna order pizza. Like right now. Since I just thought of it. <3 <3 <3

ALASKA: LOL. I bet the two of you haven’t eaten salad since I left either.

JINKX: I had a smoothie for breakfast?

ALASKA: Naughty babies

ADORE: WE NEED YOU

*

Alaska opened the door, thanking the doorman, who followed her with her suitcase, down the hall to Jinkx’ enormous bedroom. Jinkx burst from the bathroom, wrapping her in a hug, burying her face in Alaska’s tangled blonde hair. “Oh my god, I missed you so fucking much.”

“Me too…” Alaska tilted her chin up and caught her lips in a kiss.

“How was the shoot?”

“It was awesome, actually. Where’s Lil Bear?”

“I think she’s napping in her bedroom.”

“/Her/ bedroom?” Alaska raised an eyebrow. “She’s still living here?”

Jinkx shrugged. “Yeah?”

“Hasn’t it been almost 3 weeks? Is she planning to stay here permanently?”

Jinkx considered this. “We haven’t talked about it, but–”

Just then, Adore flew into the room, tackling them both, so they all fell into a heap onto the bed. “LASKY!!” She covered Alaska’s face with kisses.

“Hi, sweetie. How’s it going?”

“So good, now that you’re back!” Adore crawled on top of her, burrowing into the space between her girlfriends on the bed.

Jinkx giggled, nuzzling Adore’s shoulder. “Hey, so, we were just talking, and I know you’ve been here for a few weeks. I’m guessing that your pipes are fixed by now…right?”

Adore looked up at Jinkx with a slightly guilty expression, like a kid who had their hand in the cookie jar. “Um…yeah…I’m sorry, I just–”

“Well, I don’t think you should go back to that apartment. Shit’s always breaking and anyway, I’m getting used to having you here. I’d miss you if you left now. So…if you want to move in for real, the room is yours.”

Adore’s beautiful eyes widened with joy. “Really?!”

“Yeah. Definitely.”

“Oh my god, Jinkxy, you’re the fucking BEST!” Adore threw her arms around Jinkx’s waist and wrapped a leg around her hips, thrilled.

Alaska bit her lip. “I’m gonna go start dinner,” she announced, sliding off the bed.

“Okay…” Adore replied, voice muffled against Jinkx’s shoulder, as the two of them giggled.

*

Alaska stood at the counter, chopping vegetables, water for pasta heating on the stove. Jinkx came up behind her, sliding her arms around her waist, kissing her shoulder. Alaska shrugged her off. Jinkx snatched a carrot from the cutting board and moved to look the taller girl in the eyes, leaning on the counter. “Okay, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“Alaska…”

“You just like, decided to ask her to move in with you? Just like that? You didn’t think that was worth a discussion? With BOTH of us?”

“I…I don’t know. I guess not?”

Alaska scoffed and turned back to the cutting board, hacking away at a zucchini.

“I mean…she needs to live somewhere. And…her apartment is a shit hole. Your apartment is nice.”

“Right.”

“Would you…I mean, would you want to move in too?”

“Not out of pity!”

“What if wasn’t out of pity? What if it was because you’re so fucking cute, I can’t stand you not being here all the time?”

Alaska looked up, eyes narrowed. Jinkx pouted her lower lip. “And when did you come to this startling realization?” Alaska challenged.

Jinkx ran a finger lightly up Alaska’s arm. “The day I met you.” She gazed deep into Alaska’s eyes, hypnotizing her. “I really need you…/we/ need you…”

Finally, Alaska broke, unable to keep a straight face any longer. “Well. I mean, if you /really/ need me.”

Jinkx pulled her in for a soft, deep kiss. “So, so much.”

Alaska giggled, as Adore padded into the room, barefoot, holding the pizza box. “You’re not gonna make us wait for the grown-up food to be done before we have pizza, right?”

“No, boo, go ahead. We’ll call it an appetizer.”

Adore grinned and opened the box. “Party.”

“Hey, guess what? Lasky’s gonna move in, too.”

Adore’s mouth dropped open in delight. “Really?!” Adore ran to the other girls and flung herself at them, jumping into Alaska’s arms. “Omigod, this is gonna be awesome! Like Three’s Company meets the Golden Girls, but like, gayer. And sexier…”

Alaska giggled. “I mean, let’s hope so. Yikes.”

“Wait are you gonna give up your apartment? ‘Cause I know like 20 people who would want it. It’s rent-controlled, right?” Adore asked excitedly.

“I haven’t–”

“No! You know what you should do, keep it and sublet, you’ll make a /killing!/” she exclaimed.

“Can we like, not make this about real estate?” Alaska requested.

Adore nodded. “Oh, okay, right.” She went back to hugging both girls, peppering them with kisses, still holding the slice of pizza in her hand.

Jinkx snuck a bite of Adore’s pizza, murmuring. “You’re totally right about that apartment, by the way.”

“Guys!” Alaska whined.

“Sorry…”

***

Bianca knocked on the door to Nina’s office. “Hey Garcia, got a minute?”

Nina cringed slightly but gestured to her guest chair. “Of course…boss.”

Bianca entered, sipping a steaming mug of coffee. “Did you get those sketches I sent over from April?”

“Yes. I think she’s on the right track. It’ll make the shoot more fun and lively, that’s for sure.”

“Yup, I agree. We should see some actual samples tomorrow.”

“Alright.”

“So…I wanted to run another idea by you.” Bianca smiled, flashing her dimples, attempting to charm her prickly employee.

“Go ahead.” Nina folded her hands.

“So, okay, I was looking around at the last Klan rally–I mean board meeting, and I started to think you might have a point.” She grinned again.

“Nice to see you’re taking this seriously, Bianca.” Nina rolled her eyes and opened a folder on her desk.

“I am! Sorry, I am. Okay, so listen…what do you think of a diversity fellowship program…like, we can work with HR to provide mentoring for current and future hires if they are part of minority groups, and like, you know, actively recruit? I can’t promise we won’t have any political hires, but we can combat that by taking steps to bring in a more diverse group when it’s possible.”

Nina stared at her. “You’re really serious?”

“Yeah! I mean, I was sort of hoping you’d help me run the program. What do you think?”

“I think it sounds great. Frankly, I’m shocked that you came up with it.”

Bianca laughed. “Actually, it was Courtney’s idea. You know…the one who’s making me soft?”

Nina smiled sheepishly. “Well…apparently I wasn’t wrong. Two years ago, you’d never have even considered something like this.”

“Times are changing, Garcia! Keep up!” Bianca rose from her chair. “I have Linda in HR working on a proposal for us. Let’s meet later this week to discuss it some more, okay?”

“Yes ma’am…”

***

“Violet, are you coming to bed?”

Sutan looked into his office that had somehow been turned into an explosion of fabric in true Violet style, Frida happily napping in her little blue basket with a piece of silk that she had most likely stolen from the bags upon bags upon bags Violet had dragged to his place. Sutan fastened his bathrobe, his body warm and relaxed after his shower.

“Violet?”

Sutan smiled. Violet couldn’t hear him at all, his girlfriend so focused on the bottom of the dress she was working on. She was technically ignoring him but Sutan couldn’t get himself to be mad, his apartment so filled with life after he had started dating Violet. Sutan had originally made the office space when Raja moved out, her and Raven’s clothes easily filling the entire room, and as he had no idea what to do with it he had turned it into an office/workout room that he never used.

Sutan walked over to Violet, the girl bent over and Sutan remembered how he had come over when she was working on her first piece for Galactica, how she had disappeared from earth for over a week and he had been worried she had broken up with him and had forgotten to tell him, but in reality she was just working. Sutan bent down, gently giving Violet’s cheek a kiss, the woman finally looking at him.

“Oh, Sutan, hi, what are yo-”

“Are you coming to bed?”

Violet looked at him, her big brown eyes a little confused. “Already? What’s the time?”

“It’s almost midnight.” Sutan smiled. He could practically feel how Violet’s fingers were itching to continue working, but he also knew that she had a shoot the very next day, and that the majority of everything was done.

“I just nee-”

“Come on mata indah, no arguing. You have a big day tomorrow, and you have to do your best. Don’t you want to make me proud?”

Violet nodded, and Sutan turned the lamp off, completely missing the grimace Violet made when he mentioned the big day, his girlfriend following him to the bedroom while Frida still snoozed underneath the table. As Sutan took Violet in his arms, the two snuggled together in bed, he fell asleep quickly, but Violet stayed awake, a slow anger simmering in her belly.

Violet knew Sutan properly hadn’t meant anything by it, but wasn’t it enough that he didn’t trust her abilities as a designer and had asked a friend of his to do her a favor? That was humiliating enough in itself, but the fact that he asked about it? Made sure she went to bed on time? Told her to make him proud? Violet scoffed a little and moved, Sutan’s arm falling down so it laid on the bed, Violet turning her back. She was cold, but it didn’t matter as she fell asleep, thankfully free from her boyfriends strangeling arms.

***

“Pick up pick up pick up.”

Patrick paced around the hotel room, phone to his ear, as Shannel stepped out of the shower.

“Who are you calling?” she asked, seeing how agitated he was.

Patrick looked at her, a small smile on his face as he saw Shannel’s towel covered wet body, the mischief in his eyes making Shannel adjust her towel slightly. “My ex wife; she hasn’t been answering any of my messages or calls since we last spoke.”

“She’s not your ex wife,” Shannel corrected.

“Might as well be. She’s been an utter nutcase, or, even more of a nutcase than she usually is. I don’t know what’s going through her head. The divorce was her idea.” Patrick sighed and hung up, the man gently pinching his own nose, like a headache was threatening to come through.

“Are you sure of that?”

“Why wouldn’t I be sure of it? She was the one who asked me to move, she’s the one who told me I couldn’t see my dog, and now she won’t even let me pick up a stupid pair of cufflinks.” Patrick threw himself on the bed. “I really like those cufflinks, I wore them the day I closed the the biggest property deal of my career. They’re good luck links.” Patrick covered his eyes. “If I know her right she probably threw them down the garbage disposal.” If Patrick had been a small child, or generally anyone but the man he was, Shannel was sure he would have thrown a tantrum, instead he picked his phone up, ready to call again. If she was honest, it was one of the things that she liked best about him.

Shannel laid down beside him, gently taking the phone from him. “Or…maybe you’re totally misreading the situation…”

Patrick sighed, turning towards her, playing with a lock of her still-damp hair. “How so?” Shannel could feel he wasn’t convinced, but she was still going to make her case.

“I mean…look, it’s not like I speak for all womankind here, but she hasn’t talked to you since you mentioned divorce. So maybe, just maybe…she doesn’t want one?” Shannel thought it was ridiculous, but from what she knew about Fame through her godmother Chad and what Patrick himself had told her it didn’t seem that unlikely.

“Well…then she should SAY that.” Patrick sighed and rolled his eyes. “I just want the cufflinks. I have a meeting tomorrow and I need them.” Patrick sat up, ready to get dressed and go to his old address, but Shannel gently held him back.

“What if she did?”

“What do you mean?”

“Putting aside your wife’s enormous ego for a second, and assuming she had the ability to admit she was wrong and wanted you back…I mean you’ve mentioned about 70 times that all of this was her idea. So…if she did want to get back together…what would you want?” Shannel’s fingers were resting lightly on his chest, face trying to remain impassive, trying to keep a neutral expression.

“I…don’t know. Honestly, I don’t know.”

Shannel smiled sadly. “That’s not true, Patrick. You do know. You’d want her back.” She rolled away and began to brush out her long hair.

“I’m not as predictable as you think.” Patrick smiled, and Shannel laughed a little, both of them knowing he was lying.

“Oh no?”

“No. I mean, yes, I love her, of course, but…things can’t go back to how they were.” Patrick crossed his arms. “I’m not some spineless creature that always bends to her will.”

Shannel leaned over and kissed him on the forehead. “Yeah, well. Some people are better than others at getting what they want.”

***

“Julia, come on, we’ll be late for school.”

“No…”

“No?”

Detox looked at his daughter, Julia, sitting at the table, a pile of chicken nuggets and ketchup in front of her. Detox knew that Juju would most likely be furious with him since he had given in and not forced the kids to eat breakfast, but with a fussy Grace, a moody Kelly and a wife that was in Los Angeles, Detox had given up before he even tried. Owen had slept at a friend’s the day before, and Detox had just praised himself that he hadn’t had to pick his son up in the middle of the night, Kelly had gone to school, not even talking to him as she took a single apple, Grace getting walked by the babysitter they had found.

“Well, I don’t care.”

Detox picked up her up, Julia dropping the chicken nuggets, and then hell broke loose. The little girl kicking and screaming

“No no no no no no no no no!!”

Detox got taken aback, totally surprised that his daughter was fighting him, Julia usually the easy child compared to everyone else.

“Julia, what’s-”

“No no no no no no no no!”

Detox sat Julia down, dropping to his knee so he could look at her, her eyes filled with tears, her hair in weird pigtails. Now that Detox sitting in front of her he could see that the pigtails were uneven. He had assumed that the babysitter had done them since Detox had been busy with Grace, but now that he looked, really looked, he could see that Julia’s clothes didn’t really match either, something neither Juju or the sitter would ever allow.

“Julia, who did your hair?”

“I did…”

Detox looked at the little girl, surprised by her answer. “So Becca didn’t help you at all?”

Julia shook her head, tears welling up in her eyes again and Detox did the only thing he could think of, which was to pull her into a hug. “I miss mommy.” Detox almost didn’t hear it, Julia’s voice so low, but that was when everything fell into place. Oh course Julia missed Juju, the twins both their mama’s little babies.

“I miss her too.” Detox kissed Julia’s hair, the little girl clinging to him and Detox picked her up, his phone already in his hand, ready to call Robbie and tell him that he would come in late.

***

“Roxy, do me a favor, and put these in the safe for me?” Fame said, handing over a small box.

“Sure…should I ask what it is? We usually input all the contents of the safe in the spreadsheet.”

“Ummmm…just put ‘PB personal’ in the spreadsheet. They’re a pair of cufflinks that Patrick is obsessed with at the moment and I don’t want them in the apartment, if he stops by when I’m not home.” Fame smirked. “He’s being such a child about them. Lucky cufflinks. I mean, did you ever hear of anything so ridiculous?”

Roxy smiled, thinking to herself that the only thing more ridiculous than lucky cufflinks was WITHHOLDING lucky cufflinks. “No, miss,” she said sweetly.

“Thanks, dear. Is this my coffee?” Fame asked.

“Yes, miss.”

She made a horrible face. “This tastes like 1% milk, Roxy. You know I only drink skim.” She dropped the cup in the trash, then called over her shoulder as she sailed into her office. “Fix it, immediately.”

“Yes, miss!”

[intermission-trash]

Illuminator: Origins, Part 1

Happy Self-Insert January!!

Okay, so. It started out as a pretty normal day. Maybe even good. At least, as good as any day involving high school can be, amirite? 

Ha.

But anyway. I had woken up early, put on an outfit that, while not exactly nice, was at least not the same sweatpants and hoodie I’d worn for the rest of the week. And if it wasn’t the greatest outfit in the world, it had my leather jacket. My leather jacket can literally take a no-spoon stained-sweatpants day and turn it into a ‘fuck the world but in a cool way’ grunge day. Plus it makes me look like three times gayer. 

So I zoned my way through most of school, had a passable time at Fuckboy Central , a.k.a. animation class, and as a bonus, my mom even picked me up from school so I didn’t have to slog home through knee-high snow in tights and a short skirt. 

Of course, before we went home, we stopped at the Arc first.

The Arc is this big old thrift store run by a local charity. It’s got tons of stuff that I could just spend hours looking at, rooting through old bins, touching old clothes and just generally having a good, stimmy time. One time this lady even brought her little Pomeranian into the store. I got to pet him.

On this particular day, there was no dog, the dress aisle was taken up by this judgy older woman who watched me rummaging through the dresses like I was going to shove one under my shirt and take off, and there were no cute teacups. I mean, there usually aren’t, but I’m still hoping that one day I’ll find the cutest little teacup and saucer with the curliest handle and the most floral pattern that I can get and feel like a princess drinking from.

I did find something princessy, but it wasn’t a teacup.

It was a pencil.

A really cute pencil.

You know, I’m not actually sure if I’d have done anything differently if I’d known. I mean, I might have chickened out and not even bought it, but then again I might also have done it anyway. I mean, a little forewarning might have been nice, I guess. Like ‘hey, just a heads-up, using this pencil for any creative pursuits will change your life forever! Make sure you grab some snacks and a change of clothes just in case!’ type of deal.

But anyway.

It was in a big bowl of other (mostly broken) writing utensils that was labeled ‘50c’. As luck would have it, I had two quarters in my jacket pocket. 

I went up, bought it at the register and spent the rest of the time poking around the toy section. 

See, turns out it still had lead in it, and I was super excited to draw with it. My aunt gave me a similar pencil once, except it was pink and had a heart dangling off instead of a little rainbow droplet or whatever the charm is supposed to be. And for something that was designed for aesthetics rather than sturdiness, it sketched really well. Maybe it was because the lead size was literally the smallest they made commercially, or something. But I must’ve  lost it, ‘cause I definitely don’t have it now.

Anyway, this pencil was almost identical in model to the one from my aunt, plus it was adorable, and using adorable things for everyday tasks make them, like, 70% more fun. This is true science facts.

So younger me sat down on her messy bed, excited to start drawing with this cute pencil, having no idea what lay in store for her as soon as she touched the lead to the paper.

There I am, see? Look how adorable and naive I was, all sittin’ criss-cross applesauce with ill-proportioned arms. 

Wow, I’m waxing pretty nostalgic about this, seeing as how it was only, like, a week ago.

But anyway. I opened my sketchbook to a blank page, put the tip of the pencil down-

And that’s when it happened. 

My sketchbook blasted a goddamn ray of light right in my face, like it was an outdated meme. Then it jumped out of my hands, still firing it’s lazars, and what felt like a sudden hurricane started tearing up my room.

It was almost exactly like that time I paid two dollars to stand in a tornado simulator booth at a science museum, except my room was the booth. And safety was obviously not the first priority of the manufacturers. 

My stuff went flying everywhere- my books, my plants, my stuffed animals, you name it, it was definitely in the air. I got hit in the face by my own dirty laundry. In hindsight, I honestly don’t know why I didn’t just nope the fuck outta Dodge. But then again, when you get randomly dropped in the middle of a movie scene, see how cool you act when faced by a charging dragon or the edge of a waterfall or something.

And then, of course, my own sketchbook sucked me in.

I mean, as soon as I mentioned the sketchbook you all probably expected that. The ‘getting sucked in by a book’ trope is super cliche, right? Well, you know, when you’re there in the moment, just trying to doodle a few dynamic poses as a destresser from the purgatory we all call the public education system, the next thing on your to-do list is ‘go get a nice cup of tea’, NOT ‘get vored by my own damn sketchbook’. I mean, to me it did NOT seem like a portal to a magical world of wonder- it seemed like my sketchbook had turned on me and was now attempting to consume me to get revenge on... like... using it as a sketchbook or something. 

I wasn’t actually thinking that coherently at the moment, but I drew a helpful diagram to show you what my general thought process was.

I remember, like, a confusing swirl of colors, kind of like the boat scene in ‘Willy Wonka’, and then I was falling from the sky.

Yep.

I didn’t actually register what had happened for a second. My glasses slid off my face and just, like, spiraled away into the sky, like they were fulfilling their helicopter dreams. 

Then, of course, I started screaming.

It wasn’t even, like cool screaming. This was full-on ‘holy shit I’m about to die’ no-room-for-rational-thought-over-the-pure-primal-panic, tears and snot and spit everywhere you don’t even realize you were doing it at first screaming. I think the only other time I might have ever screamed like that was when I was being born.

Eventually my lips were definitely bleeding and my throat felt like a knife, but I just couldn’t stop. I could barely even hear myself screaming over the wind rushing by me.

It actually took me a couple of seconds to realize that I had stopped falling. I stopped screaming and squinted around. Someone had somehow caught me in their arms without the impact breaking my or their bones, but we also didn’t seem to be on the ground, either. They were holding me like I was a very large, leggy baby. They said something, but my head was pounding and I couldn’t make it out.

My glasses fell into my lap like ‘oh hey man, the helicopter thing didn’t work out, can I still crash on your face?’ 

The next thing I did after being rescued from being a lesbian pancake on the pavement was throw up on my savior and immediately pass out.

     *************************************************************************************

When I woke up, I was lying on a park bench with my head on something soft and furry. I didn’t open my eyes right away- first I had to check if I was, indeed, still alive. I was, but I kind of felt like it would have been better if I wasn’t. My lips hurt, my throat now felt like sandpaper, which I guess was an improvement from a knife, and my body ached.

The next thing I noticed were the voices whispering around me. They seemed to belong to several kids and at least two adults, both masculine-sounding. 

“But where do you think she came from?” one of the voices, feminine-sounding, said in a stage whisper.

“I don’t know!” the first adult voice said in an accent, sounding bewildered. “She just fell-” here he imitated a whooshing sound- “right past my airship. It was really lucky I got to her in time with the glider...”

“I hope she’s gonna be okay,” the child’s voice said worriedly. “She’s so pretty!”

The other adult voice snorted. “Pretty? She just looks like a mess to me.”

“HEY!” the child’s voice insisted. “That’s not nice, Robbie! She just fell from the sky!”

Another child snorted with laughter. “Ha! Yeah, I’ve seen you look worse after just falling from a tree.”

“It- it was a very TALL tree!” the second adult protested. “And I didn’t say I didn’t like her. Anyone who pukes on Sportaflop is okay in my book.”

Someone approached. “Do you think she’s dead?” another child asked, in a rather nasally voice. 

“She’s not dead,” another child said exasperatedly. “She’s breathing, see?”

“Yeah, but she could be brain-dead,” the nasally child objected. “Like a vegetable.”

“Huh?” the second adult voice asked suspiciously. “Vegetables? Where?”

“No, not that kind of vegetable, Robbie,” the nasally voice scolded. “I mean like... in a coma.” They paused. “If she is, can I have her glasses?”

“She’s not in a coma, either,” the other child said. I could hear some electronic beeping. “All vital signs and brain activity are normal. I think maybe she just passed out from the stress and the g-forces or something.”

A rather sticky finger poked my cheek. “Hello?” another child said right in my ear. “Hey, can you hear me, pretty sleeping lady, huh?”

I waved the finger away and sat up, grimacing. “Okay, okay, I’m up,” I said hurriedly. I felt like the next course of action would be to get one of them to kiss me to see if I was under a spell. 

I opened my eyes cautiously and immediately regretted that decision. The sunlight streamed right into my face, and I hissed between my teeth, holding a hand up to shade my eyes.

“Hey!” the child who said I wasn’t dead said excitedly. “Look, she’s awake!”

“We can see that,” the second adult voice said haughtily, but was drowned out by a chorus of excited exclamations from the other children. They all swarmed me at once, tugging on my clothes and yelling. 

“Hey lady, where’d you come from?”

“Why’d you fall from the sky, huh? Huh? Are you a superhero like Sportacus?”

“Can I have your glasses?”

“Are you an alien?”

“No, she’s not an ALIEN! She’s obviously from the FUTURE!”

“Hey, whoa, whoa,” I said hurriedly, putting my hands up. “Get off, get off-- it’s too early for this, okay?”

“But it’s two in the afternoon,” one of the kids pointed out. 

“She means she just woke up,” another one said. 

I went to push up my glasses, but ended up tapping the bridge of my nose sadly. “Aw, crap,” I groaned. “Hey, has anyone seen a pair of--”

“Are these your glasses?” the first child’s voice asked. A pink, indistinct shape offered something to me, and I took them. Sure enough, they were my glasses.

Pushing them onto my face, I shook my head and looked up. “Thanks,” I said. “Uh, where am--”

I stopped mid-sentence. There was really no point asking where I was. 

Unfortunately, I knew exactly where I was. Which was the problem. Because by all discernible laws of nature, I shouldn’t have been where I was.

The people in front of me, all laid out like a goddamn Renaissance painting, looked at me. 

“Hey, what’s the matter?” the girl who had given me my glasses asked. “Are you okay?”

I looked at them for a second. They were all familiar to me- from the kids to the two men, one very shirtless and clutching a trash bag, making awkward eye contact in the back.

YEET happy self-insert January

forgive the lowering in quality of my artwork as it keeps going, I was up til past 2 last night working on this and other things.

Stay tuned for next time, when I continue having panic attacks and cry a lot! Or don’t, if you don’t want to. I don’t know.

Bye.

[evengayerpanic]

Beyond the Hollows [Week 4]

Read Another Part: [One]    [Two]    [Three] _________________

“Run.” The very word is on the tip of her tongue as Sae stares down at the small horde slowly shambling towards them. They aren’t very quick, and the first thought in her head is that they shouldn’t have stayed on the doorstep begging for help... They could have ran, they could have gotten away before the zombies even reached halfway across the street.

But it’s a person.

It’s the first alive person they’ve seen since last night, and the very thought of someone else being in this crazy messed up world is enough that Sae is almost desperate to meet them. She needs to know that her, Curtis, Martin and Cari weren’t the only ones left... 

That her and Cari aren’t the only ones now.

She needs to feel like the world didn’t suddenly just end, that there’s still hope- people out there alive.

So they knock on the door far longer than they should have, and the zombies get closer and closer until there’s very little chance that they can get away unscathed. Sae feels like an idiot. She’s broken every zombie horror movie rule imaginable it seems.

Don’t make noise.

Don’t get caught.

And just... Run!

They turn to face the horde. Sae’s hand is on Cari’s shoulder protectively, ready to steer the girl in whatever direction is the safest, when the door opens behind them. It hardly registers for Sae, the sound of the lock click-clicking open, or the wood groaning as it swings inward. What does register, is the feeling of a hand on her own shoulder before she’s violently yanked backwards through the door. 

“Argh!” She lets a small cry out, her hands tightening around Cari and pulling the girl with her. They fall to the floor, surprise knocking them off of their feet and onto their bottoms... They are inside though. Both girls look up quickly to see as one of the zombies lunges towards the door, and they involuntarily let out matching squeals of fear for a brief second.

The person, or rather, the woman that they saw through the window acts quickly though. Her hand outstretches and she knocks the zombie away, slamming the door closed as soon as it’s safe to and locking it. They can hear the sound of bodies beating against the wood, but the door doesn’t so much as rattle, much less budge inwards from the creatures.

As the woman turns from the door to face them, Sae and Cari get their first look at their rescuer.

Her hair is raven black, tied into a braid that goes mid-way down her back, she’s tall... Taller than Sae. Her eyes are so dark that you can hardly tell where iris ends and pupil begins, but more importantly, the fire in her eyes is red hot and looking for a target.

They narrow in on Sae, and the blonde gulps nervously. Maybe it was safer outside.

“Are you crazy or something?” She hisses, not wanting to yell and further attract more of the undead to her. “Ringing the doorbell, and screaming like that? Are you trying to get yourself killed?”

Sae shakes her head in stunned silence, but the woman isn’t quite finished berating her yet. “Or that poor little girl, are you trying to get her killed too?”

“N-no.” Sae finally finds her voice, her grip loosening on Cari but the child doesn’t leave her lap. “I’m sorry.”

The woman releases a breath, and her hand slips overtop of her face as she does so. “No, no I’m sorry. I shouldn’t yell at you.” Her hand slides through her hair as she sighs and moves away from the door towards the girls and offers her hand. “Let’s get you two up.”

Cari accepts her hand first, though hesitantly after the two of them were yelled at, she’s on her feet before Sae but the moment the blonde is up, she clings to her, Cari clings to Sae like she is the only thing the girl has ever known despite them having known each other for less than a full twenty-four hours.

The woman sees it, her mouth going thin and tight-lipped as she looks at the terrified little girl. “Hey,” She whispers, taking a knee in front of the kid. “I’m sorry that I yelled at your...” She pauses for a second, glancing between the two curiously. “Babysitter?”

“Oh no, I’m not her-” Sae stops when the words sink in. “Wait. That’s kind of the right word for it, I guess?”

“You guess?”

“It’s a long story.”

“Well, it’s not like we’re going anywhere.”

Sae can’t argue that, so she follows the dark haired woman further into the house. She follows her into the living room, still hugging Cari close to her body. Sae doesn’t take a seat until the woman does, parking herself in a large leather armchair, as the two girls sit squished into one corner of a matching loveseat.

“Miss- I’m sorry I never got your name.” Sae stares at the raven-haired woman expectantly, waiting.

“I didn’t give it.” She states.

Sae pauses once more, staring at her a little harder, her eyes narrowing for a moment. “If you’re going to act like that-” She starts up, her voice trying to stay firm and in control. The last thing they need is to be teased and taunted. “We can just leave now.”

It’s a bluff. Cari’s eyes widen in fear at the idea of going back outside, but Sae maintains the lie.

It’s a show of dominance. It’s something to say that Sae isn’t going to take this, she’s already been yelled at once by this woman, she won’t be disrespected.

“And where will you go?” The woman calls her bluff.

Sae thinks for a second, Cari growing more and more afraid of the idea of coming back face to face with those zombies. “There’s other houses around here.” Sae decides. “We can find an empty one, we don’t need to stay here and be yelled at, or teased, or whatever you want to do to have some fun.”

The woman raises her eyebrow playfully. “Oh, I can think of some fun.” She smirks, and the hairs on the back of Sae’s neck stand up, electricity hitting her.

“Come on Cari!” Sae sounds pretty confident despite being faced with insecurity at the idea. 

The little girl reluctantly stands up, practically skidding to her feet as Sae tries to leave the living room with her. They get to the front door when the woman calls out to them. “You two are going to leave out the door that has a barricade of zombies in front of it?” And tuts her disapproval.

“Do you have a back door?” Sae asks, her annoyance seeping through her words as her heart races.

It’s a game of chicken, who will give in first, and Sae is about to give in to maintain her and Cari’s safety when the woman throws up her hands and relents.

“Okay, okay! Hold on... Don’t do anything stupid.”

“I’m not stupid!”

“Never said that you were, just that leaving would be.” The woman waves them back, standing up to show her surrender. “I’m just teasing, I’m sorry, I get that it’s a bad time to be sarcastic.”

Sae’s eyes steele over. “A really bad time.”

“My names Rica. Abiko.” She finally offers, waiting until the girls make their way back into the living room before asking. “I apologize for earlier. Again.”

Sae moves back into the living room but doesn’t sit down again, not yet. “That’s a unique name.”

“It’s Japanese.” Rica explains, shrugging. “Or at least, Abiko is, I think my Mom made up the name Rica.”

Sae lets out a smile, albeit a small one. “It’s pretty.”

“Thank you.” Rica returns her smile. “And you are?”

Sae looks down at Cari before back at the other woman. “I’m Sae, and this is Cari.” The girl nods.

“Those are unique names too.”

Sae laughs. An honest to god laugh, for the first time in what seems like forever, but has really only been a few hours. “It’s short for Sarah, and Cari’s name is short for Caroline.” She explains.

“Ah, Caroline and Sarah.” Rica repeats.

“Cari, and Sae.” Sae is firm on telling her. “We prefer those names instead, if you please, Rica Abiko.”

Rica nods her head in agreement. “Alright, Sae, then you guys call me Rica. Do we have a deal?”

The girls are quick to agree, and in their newfound agreement, Cari finds her way back onto the sofa. She curls up once more on the spot that she and Sae were just in, and instead watches the women.

“Why didn’t you think I was her Mom, or sister, or something?” Sae asks, continuing her thought from far earlier. “You said babysitter, you just went straight to that conclusion.”

“Honestly?” Rica asks, glancing from Cari to Sae. “You look far too young to have a seven year old, I mean, I could be wrong... Maybe you just have amazing skin?”

Sae blushes, immediately hating herself a little for doing it. “Well, you’d be wrong.” She says softly, glancing over at Cari protectively. “On both counts.”

Rica raises an eyebrow wordlessly, waiting for the blonde to continue.

“Cari’s eight.” Sae says with a teasing smirk. One that almost immediately disappears as she finishes her though. “I’m not even really her babysitter.”

“Ah yes,” Rica’s eyes sparkle as she recalls their earlier conversation. “The really long story.”

“That’s the one.” 

“Well Sae, as I said, we’re not exactly going anywhere.”

_________________

And so, Sae spills her guts to the virtual stranger that they just met. If she thinks about it, she’d have to say that they’re all strangers... Even Cari and her are strangers. They’ve only known each other for a day.

That day has given a lifetime of trauma, though.

She tells Rica all of it, every little part, even the ones that seem actually ridiculous to tell someone that you know absolutely nothing about. 

Sae supposes that it’s different times though. Who knows if therapists have survived the apocalypse? Who knows if they will even survive the apocalypse? It gives Sae a chance to dissect everything that’s happened today though, to go through her own emotions about it. The pain she couldn’t show Cari.

They start off slowly, Sae and Cari both explaining the resort, how they both came to be there at the same time. And then they talk of the attack. 

Sae tells Rica about the scream in the hallway that she had heard, and ignored. She details the woman who attacked Kate. Through teary eyes she tells of watching Kate bleed out on the floor, before turning into one of them and going after her.

Cari tells Rica things that not even Sae had heard; about how her Daddy had to fight off a man trying to push them into the zombies, how he had cried that night after Sae had passed out about not being able to save anyone else, and how he had sung her her favourite song on repeat to try and drown out the sounds of violence outside their resort room door.

Sae wipes Cari’s tears away and rocks her in her arms lovingly as the two detail to Rica how they got here; what they had seen and who they had lost.

“Jesus,” Rica breathes out in response. “You’ve gone through a nightmare, I am so sorry for how I acted.”

“This is new territory for everyone.” Sae explains, accepting her apology without a second word.

They talk for so long that Cari begins to doze off, back on the couch curled up and staring at the two women. Her grief brings her to a point of exhaustion, and it isn’t long before she’s asleep, taking a much needed nap after hours of walking. And stress.

As she notices that Cari is no longer listening, Sae is able to talk much more freely, the questions flooding her mind as she reflects on what she saw. “What have you seen? Do you think we’ll be rescued, or have you just stayed in your house this whole time?”

“We left once... Early this morning.” Rica’s mouth hides a frown line as she glances out the window. She can see that the front door for the most part has been abandoned now, something else must have drawn the zombies away from them. That’s good. They won’t have to worry about being barricaded.

“We?” Sae questions.

Rica turns back to Sae with an incredulous look. “I don’t know if you’ve seen the pictures plastered all over the house of an elderly Norwegian couple, but if you look closely, you’ll see I’m not in any of them.” 

Sae raises an eyebrow.

“It’s not my house.” Rica fills in the last puzzle piece for her, waiting for it to click in before she continues.

“So you just, broke in?” Sae’s less than impressed if that’s the case. She knows desperate times call for desperate measures, but what about the owners?

She laughs, Rica actually laughs, and Sae is ready to lay into her when she sees the pain hidden behind the laugh and stops before she makes a mistake. 

“No, no. I’m a PSW... Personal Support Worker.” She takes a pause. “The couple that live here- lived here, Harold and Margaret, I was their PSW.”

Sae grows quiet. Rica didn’t interrupt once during her and Cari’s story, and so she’s willing to do the same.

“Really, I was only Harold’s PSW. He was in a wheelchair.” She nods over to the stairs, which Sae has noticed for the first time, have a chair-lift attached. “I’d come in the morning to get him up and dressed, then I’d return at night to shower him and get him back into bed. That was all they needed help with, Margaret just wasn’t strong enough to lift him.”

“What happened?” Sae whispers, her stomach turning in the same direction that she knows this story is about to go. “Where are they?”

“I don’t know.” Rica answers in monotone. “I, uh, I was here last night. I came a bit early to help Margaret cut up some vegetables. She still was able to, but it hurt her wrist when she tried, so I usually helped out.”

The raven haired woman squeezes her eyes shut and Sae has to hold back from taking her hand. She knows how it felts, both her and Cari do, but this wasn’t comforting a child who was seeking out the affection. She doesn’t know this woman, doesn’t know how she’ll react. Sae stays still and listens.

The two girls sit in silence for a moment, before Rica begins to explain the bang on the door for help from her client’s next door neighbour. How it had ended with Margaret being bit by the elderly woman, Rica bandaging her and putting her to bed for the night.

Sae is confused. Kate and Martin turned so suddenly, but from the way Rica tells it, Margaret was fine through-out the night and even continuing to next morning.

Rica isn’t finished though.

The next morning, noting that Margaret wasn’t well, the three of them tried to get help. They piled into the car and got only two streets away. 

She stops there, looking from Cari to Sae. “Come with me for a second.” She nods to the staircase, not waiting to see if Sae is following before she’s leading the blonde woman to the second floor.

Sae takes a second glance at Cari, just long enough to ensure that she’s still sleeping, but then she’s following Rica without another thought to it.

It’s weird to think that she’s known the woman for only an hour or two, but she trusts her... She files that in the same train of thought for how she’s only known Cari for the day, but she’s already become fiercely protective of her.

Emergencies just tend to change a person.

She follows Rica upstairs and into a nicely decorated room. “It was Harold’s office.” Rica explains without prompting. “His pride and joy. He used to tell everyone that the only reason he bought this house was because of the view in this office... and the storm cellar.”

“Storm cellar?”

“In his 20′s he lived in Kansas, he used to tell me not to buy a house without a storm cellar because even if I’d never need it, it could still help in an emergency.”

“An emergency like this?” Sae says softly, biting her lip as she says it, to her credit, Rica can only laugh. 

“I don’t think this is what he thought.”

_________________

The girls are quiet again, both staring out the window until Sae finally thinks of something to say. “Uh, Rica, why is it so foggy? If this was his dream view, I’d have thought it’d be less... awful.”

With that Rica snaps back to attention.

“That’s why I brought you up here. It’s not fog, it’s smoke.” Sae doesn’t understand. “The city of Niagara is on fire right now.” She gasps as she understands.

“We noticed it this morning, but we still needed to find Margaret help, so we got in the car.” Rica points through the window, Sae taking a step closer to look out of it, her heart thudding painfully as she can see all the way to Clifton Hill.

Or rather, what’s left of it.

“We got stopped here, too many bodies in the way. We tried to turn back but that’s when Margaret turned... She bit Harold, and I sent the car crashing into a tree.” It’s only now that Sae sees the signs of trauma on the other woman.

Dried blood. Bruises. Sae knocks herself for not seeing it sooner, for getting so caught up in there being another living human standing in front of her that she didn’t think to check for danger.

“Are you okay? Have you taken care of your-”

“That’s not my point.” Rica cuts her off.

“When I woke, I couldn’t see Harold or Margaret, so I ran back here... Sae, the point I’m trying to make is...” She sighs. “You asked me if I think we’ll be saved, and I can’t say that I think we will. There’s already too much wrong out there...”

She rubs her temples for a minute, trying to say it without being too harsh. “The whole damn city is on fire... I think we’re on our own. Help’s not coming.”

The worlds settle in for the twenty-two year old and she has to hold herself back from crying. This wasn’t the plan. The plan was to find police... firemen... military! Someone who could take charge and get them out of here, get her and Cari to safety.

“So what?!” Sae can’t keep the hysteria out of her voice. “We just stay here? Until when?!” She’s trying not to scream, or cry, or fuss. It isn’t Rica’s fault but damn does it feel good to have a target for her frustration. Even if she doesn’t really mean it.

“As long as it’s safe.” Rica shrugs, that being the only answer that she really has for the other girl.

There’s a beat. A pause where Sae wants to accept Rica’s word as gospel. She’s about to, when a shrill scream pierces her thoughts and jerks her to reality.

A shrill scream from downstairs.

“Oh god.” Sae pales immediately, her heart stopping in her chest. “Oh my god, Cari!”

[evengayerpanic]

Beyond the Hollows [Week 3]

Read Another Part: [One]    [Two]    [Three]    [Four] _________________ 

There’s a ringing in her ears and Sae has to blink her eyes a few times to free herself of the haze clouding her vision. As a sharp pain twinges in her back, the young woman exhales and it all comes flooding back.

“Sae!” The voice is frantic as small hands try to shake her back into the present situation at hand.

With luck, during their backwards descent down the stairs, Sae had managed to pull Cari ontop of her and so the child is relatively unscathed from the fall. Though, clearly more than a little frightened by it.

“You okay?” She huffs out, still refusing to move.

Cari nods her head, before something hits her and her eyes open wide in fear. “Sae, you’re bleeding!”

If the pain of falling backwards down a flight of stairs and landing on her back somewhere between the second and third step with a fifty pound child landing on top of you has rendered Sae immobile... Hearing that she’s bleeding springs her back into action.

She scrambles to her knees on the stairs, pain shooting at her from all directions. Sae ignores them though, her hands quickly and desperately moving over her body until she can find the blood.

A scrape on her right arm, likely from the staircase railing. It’s big and bleeding quite a bit for a scrape, but it’s only a flesh wound... It isn’t a bite.

Sae breathes a sigh of relief.

She doesn’t know much about what’s going on, but she used to be a pretty avid horror movie fan and judging by what she’s seen, these ‘creatures’ are zombies. What she knows about zombies is simple... 

If you get bitten, you die.

Kate and Martin have proved that, so while a scrape can be inconvenient - It’s better than the alternative.

A growl from the staircase above them snaps Sae’s eyes to the fire exit door that she just slammed. She can see Kate’s face in the window, which hurts more than the fall down the stairs did, but it appears that the woman can’t figure out how to open the door in order to shamble after them.

It’s a relief, but not much of one as another growl can be heard. She clues in that it’s probably coming from the third floor, the door might be open up there and their fall down the staircase was less than graceful.

“I’m okay.” She says finally, turning to look at Cari who is still staring at her in terror. “Look,” Sae shows her arm to the eight year old. “It’s just a scrape.”

The child still trembles wordlessly, tears pooling in her eyes as she continues to stare where Sae is hurt.

It’s like she’s frozen in time. Sae can see as the shock sets in for the little girl, and so she takes her hands gently. “I promise you, I’m okay, it’s not a bite.”

Sae doesn’t make a move to get off the ground, she instead keeps looking at Cari, the girl uninjured but obviously very shaken up. Her eyes dart over the little girl, just to make sure that she is indeed not injured, but then the growl turns into a dragging sound and Sae can tell that whatever’s up there, is trying to come down the stairs after them.

“We need to leave now, okay?” Sae tries to tell her as softly as possible, despite the fact that her heart is racing in her chest. “We’re going to go try and look for your car, maybe Curtis hasn’t found it yet?”

At this, Cari finally moves, shaking her head. “Daddy.” She whispers. “We can’t leave without my Daddy.”

Sae’s heart hurts. “He can’t come with us.”

“I’m not leaving without my Daddy.” Cari repeats, firm on her stance. The demand is only just a whisper, but it still shakes Sae to the core. She doesn’t need this.

For a second, her mind wanders.

It would be so much easier on her own. Sae wouldn’t have to worry about taking care of anyone, she can really go much faster without a child slowing her down. She could even find Curtis, maybe, he’s the only family she has left and he’s strong, he’s smart, he’ll take care of her as long as she listens to him.

The only question is can she live with this on her conscience? Leaving an innocent child to die, or worse. Can she handle being THAT person, who only worries about themselves and sacrifices others?

The answer is no.

“Sweetheart, I understand that you want your Daddy, but he just can’t come with us...” She tries to explain it as gently (and quickly) as she can. “Same with my sister, I want my big sister to come with us more than anything, but she just... they just can’t, okay?”

The tears in Cari’s eyes roll down her cheeks leaving streaks. “We won’t ever see them again, will we?”

“No...” Sae confirms. “But I’m going to take care of you until we find somewhere safe though, I promise.”

The dragging turns into a thudding as the zombie above them begins his shuffled descent downwards.

“We need to get out of here.” Sae repeats, and this time Cari nods, her fists wiping her tears away before she holds out a hand to help the older woman up.

Sae struggles to her feet, even with help from the eight year old, her body screaming at her in pain.

She eventually makes it though, dusting both her and Cari off in the process and collecting the backpack that flung off of Cari as the girls had fallen.

“I think our snacks might be a bit squished...” Cari says softly, pulling the bag back on as Sae hands it to her.

“That’s okay.” Sae offers her a hand. “Still edible.”

The girls hold hands as they move down the rest of the stairs quickly, and quickly make their way outside of the building and into the morning sun.

If inside is bad, then outside is worse.

Bodies litter the pavement, maroon seeping into the smooth gray stone, evidence that some people had tried to escape earlier. Tried and didn’t make it.

Cars have been beaten down; bumpers dented and windshields cracked as desperation clearly had settled in and survivors attempted to break into vehicles in order to escape from the resort.

Sae sees a car stopped in the middle of the parking lot only about fifteen feet from them, the windows are all broken and blood stains the glass. If it wasn’t obvious that something - or someone - was pulled out of the car by the rips of fabric snagged on the glass... The half a torso underneath is a clear indicator.

Sae lets out a gasp and pulls Cari against her once more. She tries to shield the little girls eyes but a cry means that it’s too late. “It’s okay, don’t look Caroline.”

“Cari.” She whimpers. “Everyone calls me Cari.”

“Okay Cari,” Sae breathes out. “I respect that, my name is Sarah but everyone calls me-”

“Sae.” Cari interrupts.

“Yeah. It’s a nickname that my Dad gave me.” Sae keeps the girl talking as they move away from the wreck, looking for the SUV, and possibly Curtis.

“Cari, do you know where your Dad’s van is? Do you remember where you parked when you got here?”

“I think so, I think we parked...” Cari trails off.

Sae finds herself staring at the stone wall that surrounds the resort, the pretty cobblestone she had admired on the way in is now full of scratch marks from people (she hopes) trying and failing to get out.

As she stares, she doesn’t notice that something else has peaked Cari’s interest, not until a sharp cry of “Sae! It’s Daddy’s van!” breaks her concentration.

She turns her head and her heart stills in her chest.

It’s crashed... Into part of the resort fence gate, bending the wire frame backwards and popping open whatever lock was on it so that the other side swings free. First thought that pops into her head is -

“Curtis!”

She breaks into a sprint, running at the smoking vehicle as fast as she can until she’s at the front and ripping the driver’s side door open to find him.

It’s empty.

The driver side door is empty and undisturbed other than the airbag that was deployed. There’s no blood, no carnage, no hint that he was dragged out of the vehicle or that anything bad had happened to him other than crashing the vehicle.

As she stares at the way the car has wrecked, Sae starts to think that maybe it was on purpose. That he smashed the car into the gates to break them open, to make it so that he had a way out of the resort.

It’s brilliant, other than the fact that he left the car.

Why would he crash into the gate knowing that it would total the car and make it so that he had to walk from that point on? That seems exactly like what happened, judging by how big the gap is where the other gate has swung open. It’s big enough that another car could fit through, much less a huma-

Son of a bitch. Son of a bitch!

It hits Sae even before she can see the chips of blue paint along the broken spires of the busted gate.

“Curtis you didn’t...” She murmurs as she turns quickly, eyes peeled to see if she can spot her Honda. They parked close to the entrance so it should be right here... It should be right here, but it’s not.

Cari catches up to Sae, trying to peer around the older woman to see into the car as well, concerned for what or who she might find in the wreckage.

It’s what Sae and Cari don’t find that happens to be the much bigger issue for the two girls.

“My car...” The blonde whispers to herself in disbelief. “How the fuck did he take my car?”

Her eyes trail down to her wrist, still red from where Curtis had grabbed her and tried to get her to follow him. Her wrist, bare, when before her key had been looped around it with a hairtie for easy access.

“Goddammit!” She screams, unintentionally loud.

Cari just blinks at her, confused for a moment as Sae paces back and forth beside the van and mutters obscenities to herself. She’s mildly aware that screaming that loud, especially now is probably not a good idea to keep them from attracting everything in hearing range to their immediate location.

“Aren’t we getting out of here?” Cari’s voice wavers, watching as the body on the ground from the earlier wreck, the torso with only one arm and a head, looks up at the sound and begins crawling towards them.

Sae just shakes her head in defeat. “We can’t.” She murmurs. “Curtis wrecked your Dad’s van to get the gate open, then stole my car and used it to get out of here. That was probably his idea from the start.”

The sound of shuffling and groans from inside of the resort reaches Cari’s ears and she steps closer to Sae. “Couldn’t we walk? It’s better than being here.”

Sae catches on to the fact that they aren’t quite alone and so she nods. “Yeah, that’s a good idea, we’ll just follow this road into town and to a police station.”

Closing the van door, Sae pulls the gate towards them, allowing her and Cari to graze through before trying to shut the zombies out enough for the two of them to get a head start on whatever might be following them from the resort.

“It shouldn’t take too long, right?” Cari asks, cocking her head to the side as she stares down the abandoned road that connects the resort to a few of the more residential neighbourhoods. It’s a far way off, most of the trail is clear green grass and wooden advertisements to “Come again!” and “Remember Riverrock Resort for your Window to Niagara!”

Sae just grimaces. “It was about ten kilometres if I recall, so maybe a few hours, not too long at all.”

_________________

And so they walk. And they talk.

Cari talks about her Daddy. It makes her kind of sad, and they have to stop a few times so that Sae can give her a hug and brush away her tears, but the little girl talks about the kind of man he was.

She talks about the fact that it’s just been the two of them since Cari was four, that her Mother got sick and then one day just went away. Cari tells Sae he was a social worker, and that he threw himself into his work heart and soul. His determination to save others.

Sae can tell, the way that he put himself and his child at risk the night before, just to help Sae and Curtis.

Cari tells Sae her favourite colour, favourite animal and what kind of food she likes best. Sae encourages her to share all of the little information, anything she can think of, just to distract the child from the growing pit of worry in Sae’s stomach.

The worry that even after walking for over an hour, the road is disturbingly empty, void of any sign of life.

Sae shares with Cari too; how she was going to school to become a teacher, how her own Father passed away when she was younger than Cari, and all of the shenanigans that her and her sister used to get into.

Cari takes the same pauses that Sae does, moments where she stops walking and instead hugs the older woman, telling her that it’ll all be alright.

They leave the talk of zombies back at the resort, along with the shambling monsters that have long since forgotten about Sae and Cari - especially after the two girls had disappeared from their sight.

They talk about school, about movies, about music and even a bit about places they’ve been to.

About an hour and fifty-six minutes into their walk (but hey, who’s counting) that they start to run into houses. The narrow resort road opens up to a neighbourhood and at first it’s just a few houses, some of them rather run-down looking, but it isn’t long before they get into suburbs.

Most of the homes look like they’ve been evacuated, or something; front doors are left swung open, lights turned off and cars are gone, deep tire tracks left in the dirt of front yards as if the people driving only cared about leaving as quickly as possible.

A chill runs down Sae’s spine. What if a rescue team did make their way through here, and the girls had missed it through the night... or even worse, if they had missed it during their walk from the resort.

Sae is halfway through trying to reassure both Cari and herself that they are going to just have to keep walking until they find someone when she spots someone moving through the front window of a house just down the street from them. “Look.”

Cari follows Sae’s pointer finger to the window, and the two girls can hardly contain their excitement as they practically run up to the house and begin to ring the doorbell beside the large wooden door that they’ve found.

The doorbell blares out louder than expected, and Sae winces like she’s been hit by how abrupt and intrusive the ‘playful’ musical tune is as it choruses down the porch and into the street.

The person in the window stops moving and freezes, their head turning to the window. Sae can’t see their face, but suspects that through the white lace curtains, the person might be able to see her, and so she stops to wave, her words spilling out of her mouth. “Hello? Hello, please, can you let us in... There’s something really bad happening out here, and we need help!” She can’t help as the words drop out of her, desperate yet awkward.

She feels a tugging on her arm and turns to look down at Cari, the girl looking up at her with wide eyes as she points across the street. Sae glances briefly, paling as she sees a zombie shambling out of the open door directly opposite of them.

They should have never rang the bell.

“Sae... Sae, there’s more!” Cari whimpers, looking around at the once thought to be abandoned street, now bustling with zombies that had been hidden in the dark only to get brought into the light by the hollow chiming of the bell.

“Oh shit.” Sae whispers as she turns instead to knocking, her fist rapping on the door quickly. “Please, please let us in! They heard us, and their coming!”

Slowly, one by one, the zombies take a step forward towards Cari and Sae. There has to be a half a dozen or more of the monsters, and as they shuffle closer and closer to the porch where Sae and Cari stand, her knocking becomes desperate and panicked. “Oh god, please, please help us! Please!” Sae cries out in fear.

The person in the window peers out from behind the curtain, the sheen of raven hair showing through the gaps in the curtain. Sae gestures at the window with a plea. “Please help us!” She screams out again, the zombies now varying states of halfway across the street and some even take their first steps onto the grass in the front yard of the house.

Cari ducks her head against Sae’s side and begins to whimper, her entire body trembling in fear as the chorus of groaning gets louder while the zombies begin to close in on them.

“Oh shit, oh shit.” Sae begins to cry as the zombies begin to ascend the front step of the porch.

She’s got her eyes wide as she sweeps the front porch, trying to figure out what the best way to escape is... At this point it’s clear that whomever is inside isn’t coming to their rescue anytime soon. 

Sae is seconds away from shoving Cari towards the back of the porch and hoping they can climb over the side. She figures that they can drop down onto the ground and run like hell before anything is able to catch up with them. 

Her mouth opens to tell Cari to run when she hears the door creak open behind her and an arm reaches out to pull her and Cari back through the opening.

[evengayerpanic]

Beyond the Hollows [Week 1]

Read Another Part: [One]    [Two]    [Three]    [Four]

_________________

The end of the world came about so subtly that unless you were watching out for it specifically, you probably missed all of the signs until it was too late.

Sarah Anne Murphy, better known as Sae, was one of the one’s who was unlucky (or lucky) enough to be blindsided by the chaos that was about to engulf her. 

As she hurtled down the highway going 100kms an hour, her car screaming 90′s hit songs almost as loudly as the excited chatter from her 1994 Honda Civic’s three other passengers, there was only one thing that actually occupied her mind.

How she was going to come out to her older sister Katherine with as few victims as was possible.

One victim was inevitable, Lukas Keizerfjord.

He was a sweet boy, only three years older than Sae herself. He had a decent job in construction (which was what Katherine’s fiancee Curtis also did), appeared to be clean-cut, and had been nothing but respectful since they had picked him up in Hamilton on their way to the resort they booked in Niagara.

Sae knew what her sister and her sister’s fiancee were thinking... he was perfect for her. Maybe he was?

But he wasn’t Kristin Reynolds from her Gender Studies course; who had kissed her in her dorm room while they had been studying for their final assignment, who had held her hand when nobody was looking, and who was waiting back in Toronto to spend two weeks alone with her figuring out what they were before she started Teacher’s College.

This trip with the four of them was supposed to celebrate Sae’s graduation from Queen’s University, the young blonde woman just hoped they’d still be celebrating once she shook up the picturesque double-date that Katherine had set up for them.

The what if’s roared through her head as their journey came to a close, her GPS signaling that they were less than twenty minutes away from the resort.

It overwhelmed Sae; more than the news reports of a strange illness spreading city to city, more than the stress of her last year of university, and more than her unconventional childhood experiences.

Katherine had been her only constant growing up, and the very thought that her big sister might be disappointed in her for who she was, tore Sae up.

“Sae...” A voice came from beside her, so quiet that Sae’s busy thoughts drowned it out. “Sae.” The voice repeated, once again to deaf ears. “Sarah Anne!”

As the last call of her name came out more as a shout, Sae jumped in her seat, the car swerving slightly before the young blonde was berating her sister. “Kate, what the hell! I almost crashed the car!”

“You missed the exit.”

“Oh, sorry, I’ll take the next one.”

Katherine narrowed her eyes at her sister for a second. “What’s wrong, you look upset.” At the silence, the brunette leaned over and nudged her sister’s shoulder as she drove. “You don’t need to be nervous, I’m sure he’s going to really like you.”

“He’s not the one I’m worried about.” Sae mumbled under her breath, her eyes trained on the road ahead of her as she followed her newly recalculated GPS.

“What was that?” Kate feigned confusion as her gaze lingered on her little sister for just a little too long.

“I asked what the plan was for tonight?” Sae recovered quickly, throwing Kate off. “After we get to the hotel, I mean, where are we going tonight?” 

“Oh! Dinner at Copa Cabana, then the Casino!”

The conversation between the two sisters died down as Sae turned off onto the next exit, the resort popping into view, and the mood in the car changed.

The rest of the drive was full of excitement; the two men in the back chattered away about the games they were going to play at the casino, and the attractions in town they wanted to visit, Katherine ranted about all the stores she wanted to check out, and Sae... Even Sae couldn’t escape the excitement over getting to take pictures of the Falls up close.

_________________

The excitement was indescribable. Whether it was the look of the main street as they passed it to the resort; a cacophony of screams coming from the arcades, casinos and funhouses that littered Clifton Hill, or perhaps the beautiful views of the water as they passed through the more residential side of Niagara... there was a magic in the air that took away all of Sae’s self doubt and anxiety.

The resort, if possible, looked even more amazing than the views that they had passing it, and as Sae parked the car, she felt the light and airy feeling of vacation wash over her in a rush.

It was vacation, her graduation vacation.

Tones of blue, and accents of silver flooded the quartet as they brought their belongings from the car to the bustling front desk. Sae let her eyes wander as Katherine took over checking in to the resort, like the older and in charge sister that Sae knew and loved.

If there was anything wrong going on in the world, then this resort was far from it; a huge fence closed them off from the outside world, and the televisions littering the main foyer, had all been switched to some sort of aquarium channel, anything to further solidify the feeling of being in paradise.

“We have three hours until our reservation, what do you say we get ready as the boys check out the resort?” Katherine would tease once they got up to their rooms, and for a little while, Sae would feel normal about the whole adventure.

The girls took turns helping each other with their hair, practically wrestling to straighten Sae’s natural blonde waves, and add a bit of crimping to Kate’s naturally pin-straight auburn locks. Make-up was done together as well, Katherine taking on her duties as the older and more feminine of the two, and carefully giving Sae a smokey eye look that rivalled her own.

“We’ve got to impress Lukas, right?” Kate smirked, bringing Sae’s mood down from the vacation-glazed excitement she had been in since arriving.

“Actually...” Sae whispered, as she helped Kate finish gluing on her lashes. “I wanted to talk to you about-”

A loud bang on their door cut the blonde off quickly, and made both girls jump. “Must be the boys.” As confident as Kate was about that, Sae didn’t share the same idea as her sister moved to the door.

“Are you sure? It’s kind of early for them to be back.”

“Who else would it be, silly?” Popping open the door, the two girls shared a moment of confusion when there was nobody there, only to jump as a door down the hall slammed and a shriek was heard behind it.

“A bit early to be playing around like that, but hey, maybe someone is on their honeymoon.” Kate raised an eyebrow playfully, even as Sae’s eyes narrowed in worry as she scanned the empty hall.

“I don’t think that sounded playful at all.”

“Don’t be naïve, besides we should go see if the boys are back, it’s almost time for our reservation.” Kate chastised her, turning back to grab her purse and fixing Sae with a look that meant no nonsense.

The uneasy feeling didn’t shake off of Sae, even as she grabbed her own cross-body bag and followed after Katherine closely, her eyes not leaving the door that had slammed shut and her ears not ignoring the sudden silence that came from that suite.

_________________

“Something’s up, Kate, they won’t let us leave the resort.” Curtis’ words rang in Sae’s ears as her and her sister found the boys among the crowd that had gathered haphazardly in the lobby. 

A feeling of dread was palpable, especially as Sae looked around the crowd to see the worried faces of both staff and guests alike as they looked around, trying to find some answer of what was going on.

Her gaze lingered for a moment on a little girl, no more than eight years old, being held by her Father, the child’s arms wrapped tightly around the man’s neck, a look of terror and confusion on her face.

She tried to smile but all that came out was a grimace, especially as she heard Lukas cut Curtis off with something even more terrifying. “There was these two brothers behind us maybe 200 yards back, only teenagers, they weren’t allowed back in. The resort locked the gates soon as me and Curt got in.”

“Why wouldn’t they let a couple kids in?” Sae wondered out loud, before a loud voice came from the front of the room, effectively quieting over half of the murmuring from the crowded room.

“Everyone!” The voice boomed, Sae strained her neck to look overtop of the crowd at the man (she recognized him from check in) that it came from. “We understand you are scared and confused right now!”

“What’s going on?!” Came a yell from behind Sae.

“Why did you lock the gates, my wife is still out there shopping!” A voice sounded to the right.

“Please! We need everyone to stay calm!” This time a shrill voice came from one of the waitresses of the resorts restaurant. “Let Thomas explain!”

The murmuring of the crowd died down again, the man stepping on top of the check-in desk so that he could be seen by everyone in the crowd.

“It appears that there is a riot going on downtown.” Sae glanced around, stepping closer to Kate and taking her hand tightly, noting as several others seemed to be getting closer to their loved ones too.

“We don’t believe that we are in any danger, but there are reports of people fighting, and-”

He was cut off by another staff member, a parking valet. “There’s even been reports of a few deaths.”

A gasp ran over the crowd.

“We understand you are afraid, but it is our job to keep you guests safe.” 

“I recommend everyone return to your rooms, lock the doors and wait for more instructions.”

At the sound of a scream from the rear exit, Sae turned to see a man climbing over the gate, and her heart thudded into her chest as he dropped down and immediately began stalking towards a young woman who was busy on the payphone.

“Kate... I think we need to go.” Sae tugged at her sisters arm, noting that both Kate and Lukas seemed to be staring in the opposite direction.

As she turned her head to see what they were looking at, a scream popped out of her mouth as another man leapt onto the reception desk and tackled the manager to the ground with an animalistic shriek.

Curtis, seeing this as well, leapt to action, grabbing a chair and breaking the leg off of it, brandishing it in front of him before shoving Kate and Sae towards the staircase. “Get to our room, now!” He yelled as the screams began to erupt around them as people started to catch onto the chaos.

_________________

The next few moments seemed to take forever as the terror set in and people all began to try to get away from the carnage that was happening at the reception desk.

Sae found herself fixated, staring as the man who had knocked the manager to the ground, began to dig into his chest with his fingers, tearing chunks of flesh away from the poor man as he shrieked at the top of his lungs in pain.

It was a mix of confusion and horror that held it’s grip on Sae before her soon to be brother-in-laws hands shoved her into action, breaking her glance and snapping her into focus.

“Run!” He screamed again, right in her ear as she began to take the stairs by two, her sister almost half a flight ahead of her, screaming for Sae to hurry up.

The group ascended the stairs quickly, few other guests following their actions as they all rushed to their rooms, to some preconcieved notion of safety that would await them as long as they could get behind a pair of locked doors.

The chaos was ringing in Sae’s ears, screams coming from the left and right of her as more and more guests were both attacked, and caught on to the attacks happening to the people around them.

As they cleared the first flight of stairs, the small group broke off from the pack of resort guests just in time to start sprinting down the hall to their room. The boys were in lead, trying to clear the way, their keys out to get the door open when Sae ran past her sister, frozen and staring at an open door.

“Kate!” The blonde screamed, skidding to a stop and turning back to her sister. “Come on!”

“That’s the room.” Kate yelled back, her voice weak and small. “The scream from earlier, it was her. Look, she’s hurt, Sae, she needs help.”

“What are you talking about?” Her voice is scared and hoarse, and it’s only when the silence sets in that Sae realizes the screaming she heard earlier was her.

Thats when she sees her.

In the doorway across from Kate, the room that they had heard screaming from what seems like forever ago, a woman stands in the doorway and shakes.

“She’s hurt Sae, I can help her, I’m a nurse.” Kate demands, and Sae freezes like ice when she sees the blood dripping from the girls finger tips.

“I don’t think we can help her Kate, we need to go.”

The boys have already reached the room, and are fumbling with the door key, they haven’t noticed that the girls have stopped running... not yet.

“I’m a nurse, I have to help...” Kate says, her voice is fierce and determined and yet Sae can sense just the slightest hint of fear.

“We need to get to safety.” Sae tries to talk her down, tries to talk her sister over the guilt she has that what she thought was a playful sexy scream earlier was anything but playful or sexy.

Kate takes a step forward, hand out to the trembling woman. “Come with us, we’ll help you, I’m a nurse.” 

Sae sees the expression on the woman’s face change just a second too late before she’s grabbing onto Kate’s hand with full force, pulling the brunette closer and sinks her teeth into Kate’s shoulder. 

The sister’s let out a scream in unison, Kate’s in pain, Sae’s in horror as the woman tears a chunk from Kate’s shoulder and begins chewing on it desperately.

“Kate! Kate!” She screams, the boys finally noticing and running back towards the girls in defense.

Lukas runs at the girl who attacked Kate, and Curtis begins to use the chair leg like a bat to beat the woman away from his fiancee and her sister as Kate crumples to the ground and Sae rushes towards her.

“Kate... Kate, please talk to me, please!” Sae begs, cradling her sister’s head in her lap and trying to stop the bleeding of her shoulder by pushing her hands against the wound, blood seeping between her fingers and staining her hands and dress a bright red.

Life flashes before Sae’s eyes; her and Katherine as children, holding hands and sobbing as their Father is put into the ground, the moment that their Mother brought home her first boyfriend, coming home from elementary school to find her sister nursing some fresh bruises from that very same boyfriend, and finally, promising each other that they’ll always be there for each other, no matter what happens.

It’s those words that she repeats to herself as she desperately tries to stop the bleeding. “I’m right here Kate, I’m right here!” Sae cries as she can feel her sister shuddering underneath her, her wound pulses with every fleeting heartbeat that Kate has.

“Come on Katie, you’re okay...” Sae begs as she feels the stillness of her sister begin to settle in. Tears mix with blood as Sae drops her head over Kate’s and begins to sob, taking in loud gasps of air as her cries quickly become frantic and hysterical.

“Get away from her.” A voice warns from behind Sae, but she’s stuck watching as the life drains from her sister. “I mean it, you need to get away now!”

A gasp leaves Sae as rough hands pull her backwards, moments later that gasp is turning to a shriek as the young woman notices Katherine’s eyes are beginning to open again, only instead of the warm brown honey that Sae is used to, she meets a milky white.

“Kate?” She screams, a snarl leaves her sisters mouth as the brunette gains momentum, leaping from her place on the ground towards Sae. “Stop!”

A pair of rough and calloused hands shove at Kate, knocking her back to the ground, giving Sae a moment to look beside her and see the man from earlier who was holding his young daughter, standing in the doorway of a room directly behind them.

Sae can see the young girl just inside the room, screaming for her Daddy, but only briefly before another shout focuses her attention in front of her.

“No!” Comes the desperate scream from Curtis, his heart stopping as he sees Katherine, or what’s quickly become of her. Her focus doesn’t change from Sae.

“Move, now!” The man beside her yells, simultaneously as Kate once again lunges at Sae, stopped by his bare hands as he manages to grab her arm and keep her from reaching the young woman.

The next few moments feel like they go by in slow motion, stumbling away from her sister and the man, Sae watches as Curtis and Lukas both run forward.

While it looks as if Lukas is going to run for Sae, and Curtis for Kate, fate takes a strange turn and the two boys go for the opposite sister; Lukas runs full force at Katherine and the man, his lips screaming out a hoarse “Get away from her!” as he tackles Kate away from where she’s trying to pull towards Sae.

Curtis on the other hand slams full force into Sae, knocking her backwards into the open room. For a moment she tries to scream and fight against him that they need to go save Kate, but Curtis doesn’t listen past yelling at her to get inside to safety.

As the man is broken free from Kate’s hold by the flailing and fighting Lukas, he also manages to enter the room, turning to face the frenzied Lukas with a quick demand to “Hurry up and get inside!”

With Sae momentarily stunned, Curtis turns his head to watch as Kate grabs a hold of Lukas, and in a last minute decision, Curtis slams the door closed and throws a wardrobe in front of it.

There’s a second of shocked silence before hell breaks loose in a flurry of screamed threats and desperation.

“What are you doing, your friend is still out there?!” The man demands in a roar of confusion.

“We need to go back out there, Curtis!” Sae is shrieking in endless desperation, held back by her would-be brother-in-law as she tries to fight to the door. “We have to get Kate and Lukas!”

“She’s dead!” Curtis finally growls, managing to fight Sae onto one of the hotel beds in the room. 

She stills in fear, her eyes wide and red with tears.

“Kate’s dead, Sarah... Lukas is too. Unless you want to be responsible for getting the rest of us killed, including that man’s daughter, you’re going to shut the fuck up and just accept that your sister is dead.”

The room falls into silence as Sae turns away from Curtis, putting her face against the pillow and attempts to drown out the rest of her crying.