#amy would probably mistake them for the other lmao

[jorrated]

Some super stray thoughts I had while reading STCO so far:

Knuckles would NOT prioritize his past over Tikal’s suffering are you crazy in the head!!!!

Zak Simond-Hurn’s art is really charming, if it wasn't for the digital onomatopoeias, I wouldn’t mind having this style by a base for an official sonic comic! The design for the red echidna villain however… HM. Not pleasing to the eye.

I like that Ebony are having a bigger role on the fist few issues! But also Ebony’s constantly referring to Super as his friend and doing things to bring him back. Like I get it but also is this going to be her only trait now? Girl…

And porker is going on adventures again. Actually I don’t think they ever explained why Porker went back to being more adventurous in the og comic, participating in Chaos defeat and all. Not against it, and I like to see he still has a bit of bite and wasn't reduced to only a coward, tho it would’ve been cool to see at least a comment on how hes back on “adventuring”.

It’s cool to see Amy dealing with grief over Jhonny (I’ve given up trying to write his name correctly, too weird for me), but IDK. Amy probably was the best grounded character in that situation, so it feels weird to see her distressed over it? I don’t know how to explain it but in my eyes, Amy’s grief for Jhonny would definitively be more melancholic than scary/guilty. I’m glad they are trying to flesh out Amy more, but it doesn’t feel very cohesive with the comic to me. And Jhonny-zombie the killer… a bit tacky but in a funny way.

WHO…. Designed Vichama. I just want to talk. Tell me why you made him look that way. What is that. What went through your head. Dude. I get that Ebony has considerably more anthro body features than the other animal characters, but I feel like Vichama crosses the line into the “gross valley”. If he were drawn closer to how Zachary is I probably wouldn’t care, he probs would’ve looked like an Archie character. But the bulging muscles are kinda upsetting to look at. Cover up man.

So Shadow was created by some enemies of the echidnas. Noted.

Big and the Drakon prosecutor are actually really cute. I like them. Knuckles trying to break Ebony’s spell on Tikal is making me fume. HE WOULDN'T TRY TO DO THAT!!!!! He maybe would be a little desperate trying to trigger some memories but he wouldn't knowingly hurt someone to get information!!!! There is a pannel tho in this part of the comic that makes Knux ask “Where is Porker” and then “Where is the emeralds”. THAT is Knuckles to me, checking in on people before anything else.

Knuckles not being able to carry Big is bullshit. KNUCKLES PUNCHES ROCKS IN HALF LMAO. It’s fine I assume they need to be separated for a reason.

ROUGE STICK LEGS. Somebody please give my girl a double cheeseburger with extra fries and a big gulp of soda.

Actually I love that Rouge is a cunt here. Girlboss!!!! Stole this dudes emeralds AND left them to die, queen shit. Didn’t work but she did have the intent to kill them.

Big wouldn’t eat his friends….. He’d never eat Froggy, and DP (Drakon Prosecutor) even tho looks like a fish, Big considers a friend. BIG WOULDNT THINK ABOUT EATING HIS FRIENDS!!! HE IS A KIND BIG GUY!!!!!!!!!!!! ← most egregious mistake until now. Fucking funny tho can you imagine dying by vore They kept Mighty funny, that’s good.

MMMMN. I like that Sonic is consistently arachnophobic. Really nice continuity. How he first met Shadow tho… It felt underwhelming? Like yeah we know they were going to meet some time but IDK. The framing/pacing is weird to me. Either have them meet quickly at the start of the issue and Sonic is like “IDK WHO that guy is but I don’t like him!!!” or have them meet at the end of the issue, but only show Shadow in shadow (lol) to hook to the next issue. Shadow’s bland ass “I am Shadow” has the same energy as two kindergartners introducing themselves first day of school.

Shadow’s personality is interesting tho. I like him being a bit cocky but not too much, it’s a good take on him, plus he bounces off Sonic pretty well. I do wonder what the hell they’re going to do with him tho.

Awn… acknowledgment of some of the chaotix families… Blockhead Bill my dude

Tikal being given more of a spotlight is neat. It doesn’t give her much, but it’s refreshing to see her thoughts and intentions. However, I can’t help but think that she was mainly inserted to aid Knuckles and be a well of angst. Like IDK, Knuckles has moments mourning his past, or wondering if he will ever understand his ancestors, and Tikal well… She sees things rather than feel? If that makes sense? Like in this comic she is able to see a bit of the past and think “wow this is horrible! Must be a nightmare!” but she doesn’t feel despair? Or anything much? The only moment so far she felt despair was to make Knux Angst, like “ooooh shes suffering so we need to wipe her memories, that means Knuckles wont have his backstories :(“. Smells fishy.

Oh wow, Shadow has an actually interesting backstory here. It gives a reason to follow Robotnik, hate Sonic, not give a shit, aaaand its ambiguous enough you can probably pull off whatever. Fucking congrats STCO writers.

Fave image. What the fuck are they even doing here. Freaks.

Hm. No thoughts on Shadows maybe death. Thematically it’s interesting and all, but we don’t get enough time with him to give a shit. Unless I’m reading it wrong it seems like Shadow is sacrificing himself to save Robotnik, but IDK.

Grimer develops a situatioship depression.

2007 ANTI-ASIAN RACISM. BAD.

Bro what’s with this Knuckles characterization. He would NOT be mean to Tikal. If anything he’d probably be a bit overbearing, trying to give attention to her even if she didn’t want it. I get trying to tie him living his whole life alone being overwhelmed and feeling frustrated that Tikal can’t give him answers, but he wouldn't treat her like crap what is this. I like Porker’s and Knux bro moment, but that doesn’t make up for treating Tikal badly for no reason. Where’s her catharsis? She’s probably just as confused and desperate as Knuckles but she doesn't get any of these moments. Sigh. This idea could’ve definitely worked if Tikal was pushier or more imposing, but like she doesn’t do much, so Knuckles just snaps and it feels off. Knuckles’s stories are probably the issues with the biggest potential, but the writers for sure squander him the most, whomp whomp.

“One of Sonic’s fears is seeing Amy settle down with someone else” no it isn’t shut the fuck up. And the fact they put this on the same level of fear as Jhonny death is deranged.

The tonal whiplash between character comics is p funny honestly. You’ll have one really serious comic followed by a comedic one, lil bit of a mood killer. I guess STC also did this, but to me it at least wasn't jarring like this. Like how am I supposed to process Big getting shot, after Knux and Tikal experiencing the worst nightmare of their lives, living the trauma of seeing million of dead echidnas, after Vector put angel island as a security fund for his ship LMAO.

SONIC CHARACTERS HELPINH OUT THE POLICE SFAJHBJHBWRKJBJB??????!!!!!!!!????????????????????!!!!!!!!!????????11111111!!!!!!!111!!!!111!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hate this actually.

These Shorty and Tekno comics…… I don’t know what it is about them but god. I just don’t like them! Firstly that now it seems they are a completely separated duo from the rest of the team. Like They don’t interact with Sonic or Amy or whatever. Secondly.. Shortfuse is TOO nice. It doesn’t feel like him where is his tantrums??? And this isn’t a diss on the artstyle itself, cause I think it looks pretty nice and cute, but I don’t think it’s really fitting for the characters? Tekno and Shorty look like they’re in a shoujo manga.

I really like how Sonic is now a loser LOL. He got canceled to hell and back.

Finally Rouge makes and appearance. Kinda only realized how little she showed up during the SA2 adaptation.

Grimer destroying Sonic’s reputation is actually kinda nice. I like that they acknowledge his Robotnik situationship depression, tho I think it’s a bit over the top have him be behind EVERYTHING. Still like it tho. Go gross boy go! (Also the art in this issue is REALLY solid, wow, Zak Simond-Hurn really is my favorite artist from the STCO group).

At some point I think I need to stop complaining about Knux’s characterization. But I Do Not Like How They Write My Boy. Doc Zach is still serving cunt so that’s great. Go grandpa go!

It’s kinda awesome to see how the issues expanded through STCO’s run, but I think having so many stories at the same time kinda makes stuff bloated. Like I’m sure I’ll forget some parts of this, even if they are short bits. Like do we really need to follow 2 sonic stories and 2 amy stories at the same time? I think it would’ve been better to pace this with a limit of 3-4 stories MAX per issue. And then once a character story is done, release the next story with the same character. Sonic and Knuckles are kinda always going to be there, having the biggest pull on the comic’s lore and story, so the other ones could cycle out between amy, tekno, shorty, tails, sonic’s world, chaotix, and so on. I haven’t read some of the other non-sonic stories like decap n attack, but those could be thrown in the cycle too!

Actually I love that DP is just hanging out in Big��s restaurant. It’s goofy I really love it.

I wonder how old Sonic’s gang is supposed to be here. Like in theory some years have passed in the comic, but how many. It’s not important at all but Amy is seen drinking wine with Chrysalis and it’s like?? Is she a kid?? Is she an adult?? Is she underage drinking? Again it’s not a big deal, and I don’t even think these characters need a specific age but IDK this was odd to me.

Oof the multiple stories at the same type problem came instantly. I like how Amy acknowledges the losses of the group, Sonic is “evil”, Jhonny is dead, Tekno is missing and stuff, Porker has PTSD and cant fight… But like. That feels so weird when you have a story right next to it with Amy and Tekno together!!! This is why the pacing and bloating feels whack, the comic has continuity with SOME of the stories but not all so its confusing. I know the OG comic had moments like these but because it had less stories per issue, it was way less noticeable, and usually were one-off stories I think.

And on the topic of Porker, I did mention before how he just kinda.. went back to being more adventurous? But know the comic insists that he can’t do it? Man this is kinda messy. I don’t mind Porker starting to become more adventurous again and then maybe regressing a bit in recovery, being too much for him, but it doesn’t feel like that is what it’s being intended here. It feels like someone read STC and maybe skimmed on STCO and then wrote this, so it feels out of place? Like you have porker in the first issue of STCO going on a mission no problems at all, but then on another issue he goes on a mission to blow up an eggman database or smth and hes freaking the fuck out being nervous all the time. Like which is it!!!!! I don’t mind him progressing and regressing on his trauma but at least acknowledge or be consistent with it! Is it because the underwater mission didn’t involve Robotnik? Is that it? Who knows.

I get that Knux and the crew planned to bait Zachary and shit, but like, then why did they act like that in the previous issue? Like the plan was to break the shield so why did Porker said to Knux be careful about it? Girl. This information is only given to bait and switch the audience and it doesn’t work. Porker and Knux have no reason to pretend to not have a plan when they are alone what.

Tails working with cops I’m going to kill myself.

Oh so like. The special zone is dead for real. Like for real FR. Jesus. Could’ve let the characters grieve a bit huh.

Really liked the #250 issue (Tho its funny that I complained about the number of stories per issue, and then #250 has ONE story LOL)! It’s awesome to see the different arts from the varied artists on the STCO team. And even with my complains and whining, it’s an impressive project full of love, good to see stuff like this!

TURBO TURBO TURBO MY BOY TURBO!!!!

The art on this issue is great but some of the flow of the dialogue is off, as in, sometimes I don’t know which speech bubble I’m supposed to read next, cause usually you go left to right, but it seems this story follows top to bottom for speech bubbles and left to right to panel. Not awful but it did throw me off, and it does fuck up the pacing.

um. hi shadow? ok.

(Only read until issue #250)

[demenior]

Dem’s Big Post About The Spn Fics Part 1/2

aka The Wrap Up to celebrate To Exist Again and To Become a Man now being finished!

(This will be a long post. This is your only warning.)

Admittedly this is a bit of a weird thing to be doing, but I wanted to try it out for 3 reasons: 

I love talking about my own work and 

It functions really well as a self-reflective tool for me to improve on, and 

I can answer some big questions people might have because there was a LOT of worldbuilding in these stories. 

We’ll start off with reflective stuff, and move into the juicier world-building focused stuff later into the post. There will be major spoilers for both fics to come!

To begin with a funny anecdote, Why Did I Write These Stories?

I was beginning to write and work out the story that I wanted to write for Spn (what will now be To Destroy a Man. As I was writing the scene, I realized I had a LOT of ideas and while I was trying to avoid as much exposition as I could, it became quickly apparent that I was needing to create my own au (this scene eventually became chapter 34 of To Become a Man). A short prequel seemed like a good idea, to quickly hash out the ‘prior’ events that I needed to go through so all the readers could be on the same page. While plotting out prequel points, I realized Sam and Dean were going to have drastically different experiences during the same time period, and I was trying to figure out who’s pov would be better for which scenes, and how to keep momentum when they’re going through such radically different types of changes. Ultimately I decided to split their povs, which I also thought would be a fun project! And I naively assumed each pov would take about 2 chapters each, rounding out to maybe 15k total.

I had my ending points: Dean n Cas soul-merged and (basically) married, Cas on the lam from heaven and a complete anomaly, and Sam juiced up full of powers and a weird mix of archangel and antichrist but still 100% human and ready to fight God. 

Now I needed to add weight to these changes, so I wrote 200k of build-up.

Am I proud of these fics?

OF COURSE I AM!!! These are the longest fics I’ve ever written AND finished AND in the fastest freakin turnaround ever (both were finished writing, barring edits, in like 6 months holy shit)

I didn’t write a single scene that I “didn’t” want to write. If I had trouble writing it, as in it was fighting me, I scrapped it. Most obviously was the scene in Dean’s pov where he and Sam were intended to meet some other hunters and Dean declines working with them because he’s nervous about being outed as queer. It was meant to be a good scene! I wanted to introduce some new characters! But it just wasn’t working so I said ‘thank you, next!’. 

But it means this story was an absolute joy to write. Because for a while all I was doing was ‘if I wanted to write one scene into supernatural, what would I write?’ and then just DID that!! It’s why there’s a lot of ‘Salmondean do dumb shit or have really dumb heartfelt conversations’ scenes.

Would I change anything?

If I’d been less eager to start sharing, I might have planned out the story beats a little tighter so there were less ‘soft’ chapters and a draw/pull for people to come back and keep reading. I felt Dean’s story specifically lagged at points and could have used some tighter editing (there was a noticeable lull in directed movement between Dean n Cas getting together, until Sam corrupts Amy).

I also probably would have held Sam’s story until I’d finished Dean’s so I could make the two line up better! Probably could have inserted more scenes into Sam’s fic that way, and made sure things were a little more consistent. In an ideal world one concept I had was to release 1 chapter from each pov every week that would correspond to the same time frame so we’d be getting real-time SalmonDean pov narrative. Unfortunately that didn’t work!

The biggest takeaway overall is for me to focus more on what moves the plot, and to make my scenes do more than 1 thing so I can cut down on wordcount and increase my efficiency. 

Of course every writer will find things they want to fix in anything they’ve ever written, so these are minor “mistakes” at best. I’m so dang proud of these fics. 

Onto more interesting things!

How Did I Put These Fics Together (because it’s different than anything I’ve ever done before)

Normally when I write a story, I plan out the beats I need to hit, see where I need to insert any kind of foreshadowing/buildup, and then write from A to B to C and so on and so forth. Hence, this is why I can normally post things as I complete chapters, because it’s all a linear progression. 

For these two stories, rather than linear plot/a normal story structure, I just sat and free-wrote any and every scene that came to mind and then pieced them into a kinda-linear form like putting a quilt together. You’ll note that this is why there’s not a lot of internal callback or a feeling of sense of time flowing within the fic (save for points where I went back and specifically edited it in). How long does the story take place over? Hard to say! Your author has the barest grasp on linear time even on a good day (how many times did I say ‘see you on [wrong day]’ at the end of chapters lmaaoooo)

This also meant EXTENSIVE editing on the back end once I decided in what order I wanted my ‘quilt pieces’ to be. Hard to say if this is a bonus or a negative!

But I did want to try and capture the vibe of the lives they lead, as a bit of a ‘slice of life’-style story, when the slice of life is the profound weirdness of the Winchester roaming life, and how things are status quo- until everyone almost dies oh shit!! And then they have to keep living because no therapy we die/undie like Winchesters. Do I think I captured this effectively? Hmm. Good question. 

Dem where the FUCK did the inspiration for a lot of the magic and creature weirdness even come from?

Honestly? Music, primarily. And completely mishearing lyrics!

Nightwish ‘Ever Dream’: the line is ‘my song can but borrow you grace’ and because my brain is scrambled eggs on a good day, I heard ‘grace’ ‘song’ and ‘borrow’ in that order and have had, for YEARS, the mental image of Cas borrowing Dean’s soul to power himself up for battle.

From there I’ve always been enamored with the ‘wavelength of celestial intent’ descriptor that Cas drops in s6 for “what he is”. 

I also really like ocean metaphors mostly because I’ve been obsessed with the ocean and things in it since I was like… 5??? So really this was me just rolling with what I know lmao. I love using (somewhat) accurate scientific metaphors for very intangible things!

I was also finishing my degree in biology/ecology while writing these fics and I think it shows

Stars ‘The Night Starts Here’ gives us the series title and the fic titles. Except for ‘To Exist Again’. TEA was almost titled ‘The Upwards Fall’ because I wanted all 3 of the Main Stories to have titles from this song, but I couldn’t make anything else work in tandem with the series name ‘The Love It Takes’ while also working for Sam’s personal story. So Sam, as always, is the rebel <3

Stars ‘Up In Our Bedroom, After The War’ is basically the vibes of the whole story. TFW has been, literally, to hell and back!!! There’s a bit of melancholy and sadness, a lingering dark, but the chance of a bright new tomorrow and a soft start.

Let’s Talk About Themes in The Story! What were you looking to accomplish? 

My earliest notes for TFW are, as follows:

Dean’s journey of self-discovery (who am I when I’m not trying to be Dad?)

Dean wants to settle down! He wants a big family! He wants to be domestic!

Basically: Dean doesn’t want to have a short life of hunting. He wants to live!

Dean’s journey of realizing he’s bi, and him accepting that

Dean’s relationship to Sam is both older brother/parent 

And continuing Dean balancing these roles while also letting Sam be an adult 

Dean’s Big Issues/Fears about never being good enough for people to want to stay with him (these are effectively highlighted in that Cas thinks he’s not useful enough to be wanted)

Sub Plot:

Castiel’s autonomy

Cas’ fall from grace, to trying to restore Heaven, to wrecking it further

He’s majorly depressed by the end of s7 (before purgatory)

Wants to stay in Purgatory but doesn’t tell Dean

Remains depressed after leaving, but resolved to keep living on because he’s clearly meant for something

After the seraphim reveal: does he have free will?! How does he grapple with this? How does he live in a way he can be proud of?

And lastly

Sam gets his powers back CAUSE THATS HOT

where tf did they go????

he got them from Lucifer?????

sleeper agent??????

Sam is The Chosen One

Accepts that he is More Than Human and to celebrate all parts of him

Lucifer and Sam friends?? Work together????

Sam needs autonomy in his choices/his life

If you compare these to the overall arc of TFW within the two stories, I think I got a lot of them! But you’ll also note a lot of these things aren’t concrete goals that are easily measurable (ex: Dean wants to learn to bake pie. In chapter 1 he starts a fire in the kitchen. By the end of the story he finally makes A Good Pie.) part of the lack of concrete milestones was why I felt it was important to tell Dean (and Cas’) story by going back to the point they meet, in s4! Dean’s gradual change towards his feelings for Cas, his relationship to Sam (heavily influenced by the s7 events of this fic) and then his own relationship with himself were such slow burns that I felt it would be a disservice to try and cram a change like that into a timeline like “1 year”.

I felt like these subtle changes and adjustments actually felt a lot truer to life-- people often change in very small, gradual ways over time, even without realizing it and often times not consistently! If only we could all gain skills like the sims, where we can easily level up and remain at that high level of performance! 

So the Guy Who Ate Satan, A Celestial Nuke that Developed Sentience, and Dean walk into a bar…

Sam’s story in Spn The Show has always been a ‘chosen one’ kind of narrative. Sam is living with one foot in the realm of the monsters, and I wanted to bring that back full force! It really makes sense for him that he should only continue to grow in power, might, and magic!! As the story progresses.

Cas also got a power up! I do desperately love in the show that he was kind of a grunt/nothing angel, and so even when he defected to TFW he was a huge help for them, but in the scale of things he was an annoying fly to most other angels. It really worked for the underdog story of s4/5. In this I wanted to give him a power up, and originally it was actually going to be close contact with Sam that eventually changed Cas into something unknown (you can still see traces of this in ch34 of TBAM, where Death remarks ‘Castiel could be [Sam’s] first creation’. But for a combo of reasons: how Sam’s magic needed to have intent, the entire concept of free will and consent, and how much I wanted Dean and Cas to have their effect on each other, I decided to go with the route that Cas has actually always been something angel-adjacent rather than becoming something new. TFW/Supernatural has always been about free will and making your own story, so I amplified that with Cas.

Dean has always been A Normal Guy, which is part of the appeal of him and Sam (2 normal dudes!) taking on the Very Not Normal. As explained above, Sam’s story is ‘normal guy finds out he’s the chosen one’ and so, in a story about very large concepts and huge monsters and acts of magic, I felt it was very important to keep Dean as normal as possible. To the point it became a running gag to me, personally, in that ‘no matter what cool shit happens around him, Dean has to stay as Just A Guy’. And it’s a very humanizing role that allows the story to have the scale it does!

What were the most important themes in your story?

Sam’s Autonomy

I wasn’t even going to include the plot about Lucifer’s death in this story— that was going to come up in a later story, actually! And rather than Sam having ate Lucifer, the original idea was that they’d become a SamandLucifer entity (this harkens back to a concept I wanted to write when Swan Song first aired). 

That storyline would have involved a lot of mental ‘Sam and Lucifer discuss what it means to live, which one of them is more worthy of life and if they do deserve to destroy the world for the pain they’ve been forced to go through, just to create the dichotomy of good and evil for everyone else’ discussions. There would be a lot of talk about how Sam hates and fears Lucifer for the pain Lucifer put on Sam, how Lucifer hates Sam because he and Sam are the same but Sam’s brother loves him anyways, etc. 

Ultimately that was scrapped because Sam’s entire story in the show is always about how the world and everyone around him manipulates him and that he never actually gets to make choices about his own life or body that aren’t influenced or part of someone elses’ design. And that always bothered me that Sam was never allowed to be himself without having to be ashamed of it, and I wanted to make sure that Sam’s triumph of being proud of himself/proudly choosing to exist (again) was evident in his story

In the end I needed Sam to have this visceral win over his tormentor. As the story shows, in this case Lucifer was abused and put into a position where he was incapable of empathy and could only express himself in violence. Sam even understands this! But it doesn’t change the fact that Lucifer tortured Sam in unimaginable ways for thousands of years. 

With that in mind I didn’t like the idea of Lucifer and Sam having “co-ownership” of their new identity, so I made the choice that Sam had to be the survivor. This tied in well with Sam’s new crusade to restore free will to the universe, because he’s breaking the narrative of his own story!

While Castiel wasn’t a pov character, his own autonomy and free will was equally as important. You’ll note that many, many paragraphs and conversations revolved around that theme and that in the end Cas followed himself (and love!) which ensured his freedom of self <3

The Brothers are WEIRD PEOPLE!!!! And Codependent to a Worrying Degree, but It’s Also How They Survive

It’s very hard to show “unusual” relationships when you’re writing from the pov of the two people who don’t think there’s anything weird about their relationship. Sure, they say ‘yeah it’s probably weird that we still share a bed’ but that’s kinda more in line with ‘I had a nightmare and I want to be close to the person who makes me feel safe’. Hashtag normalize co-sleeping when you need it!!!

From there I did try to point out how the boys have a weird perception of lifestyle in the little things they did. 

From thrifting everything from clothes to appliances to books (thrifting is a valid lifestyle! It’s incredibly handy when you’re on a budget.) 

To never actually having condiments or knowing how to use a dishwasher cause they’ve lived in a car, a motel room, or squatted in old houses their whole life.

I tried to have them wear each others’ clothes or casually swap things as much as possible. They live out of each others’ pockets!

Also the brothers are just weird people!! It’s hard to show from their pov, cause they don’t know how far off from normal they are, but like…

Everything about Sam and Amelia was NOT right like holy shit those two were wilding in their grief. They are very lucky things worked out for them and that they got to be hashtag Weird Girls together

Dean explicitly, in the story, gets horny after killing stuff!! Violence has done a number on his psyche and he’s gotten some wires crossed that maybe shouldn’t have been, or maybe could be worked out in a safe space but… uh… how likely do we think Dean is gonna go find a safe space to deal with any of his shit???

LOVE!!! Love is truly what this whole story is all about

If you’ve read the stories, you know how much emphasis I put on love. Love is the strongest force in the Spn Universe! It’s what averted the apocalypse and saved the world (Swan Song), it’s what created free will (Cas’ entire arc!) I love love!!!!

I went out of my way to not put any definitions on platonic love vs romantic love because I think love is love is love and how you express that is the difference. Neither is more powerful than the other because LOVE is powerful!! Sam and Cas are the most important people in Dean’s life and he loves them equally! He shows this by giving Cas kisses and stealing Sam’s socks.

It’s a personal pet peeve of mine when I have to hear explanations like ‘I love you, like a brother’ or ‘I love you, but like, as a friend because I’m a lesbian and you’re a man’ etc etc in media. If you have to continuously define how your characters love each other, then I don’t think you’re doing a good job of portraying their relationship. So you’ll see that I never put those parameters in any conversation. Dean DOES muse that he loves Cas differently than he loves Sam or Bobby, specifically because there is a romantic and sexual tone that his feelings for Cas takes, but not because he loves Cas more or less than he loves Sam or Bobby.

Which means, if you haven’t realized it yet, the Series + Fic Titles are meant to be a complete sentence because the power of love IS the thesis of this series:

The Love It Takes To Exist Again (Sam’s journey!)

The Love It Takes To Become a Man (Dean’s journey!)

The Love It Takes To Destroy a Man (TBA)

And now for fun stuff. Behind the scenes!!

What’s Something People Probably Don’t Know?

The demonic fungal/hydrothermal vent growth on Sam’s arm was thrown in literally as I was posting the chapter because I had just finished a 48 hour cram session of writing a report on tube worms for an ecology class (I was chanting my tube worm song as I wrote it) and it ended up being a HUGE hit with both readers and myself. But it was so last minute I had trouble fitting it in more throughout the rest of Sam’s story!

Cas’ orders? That may or may not have bound him to Dean and removed his free will? Were written into Sam’s story and I went ‘oh SHIT that’s compelling’ and then left them there as a ‘guess I’ll figure that out when I get to Dean’s story lol’

Originally Dean and Cas were supposed to get together after having their souls bonded, and have been in a UST limbo the entire time before that. Mostly because I think the entire concept of ‘we just got married of the soul I guess we should try dating?’ is very funny. CLEARLY the two of them were way more eager to fall in love than I anticipated (thank you Cas for your honesty) but you can still see shades of this original idea here and there (especially in ch35 of TBAM)

I never intended Dean and Benny to connect so well!! Benny was going to reunite with Andrea, she was going to live, and they were going to go off into the world and leave the story. And, uh, here we are. I’m still debating if I need to adjust the relationship tag or not haha. Polyamory is fun, especially when I was planning for Sam to be the polyamorous brother...

Speaking of, I can’t believe I forgot about Sam and his sexuality! If I rewrote TEA I would have had Sam contemplate more on his lack of sexual appetite due to trauma, up until he meets Benny and he gets to rediscover how he wants to be a sexual person

Many of Sam and Dean’s absolutely stupid sibling conversations were lifted near-verbatim from conversations I’ve had with my siblings

And lastly...

Dem where’s Kevin????????????? Where is our sweet baby boy????????

He’s SAFE!! He’s in the Hunter pipeline somewhere cause Sam handed him off to Bobby’s people. He and his mom are safe and at some point they probably got rib sigils like SalmonDean did against angels, but for demons. I didn’t have room in this story for him!!! But my baby boy is SAFE and I want to get him back to university because it’s WHAT HE DESERVES!!!!

To that point: god there were/are SO many characters that I just didn’t include in the story so far because I didn’t feel comfortable including them without stalling the story for them. To that point: pretty much everyone who is alive/dead in s8 is that way in this story, except Bobby who gets to live.

[Check Out Part 2 for reader questions!]

[mellow-elbow]

if you were Mr. Sega, how would you want to characterize the kiddies?

I’ve been thinking about this ask for days and I think I’ve finally gotten my thoughts together lmao

SONIC - classic 15 year old kid. He’s still cocky and sassy during battles and under the public eye, but when he’s alone or with friends he doesn’t keep up with that facade and is just like every other kid. Sometimes his mistakes get to him, but they only make him work harder. He has a hard time getting a solid eight hours of sleep (hence why he’s always lounging/napping in comics and idle animations). He always has a nickname for everybody and only uses real/full names in serious situations. He’s a great big brother to Tails and probably the closest friend he has. They’re just like brothers and have their silly sibling bickering, but always have each other’s backs.

TAILS - neurodivergent 2 the MAX!! The manuals stated that he tends to copy Sonic’s most admirable traits so I think he’s very observant of the little quirks everyone has. He’s great at tinkering/engineering, but has a strict moral code to ONLY use clean energy. He has normal fears any eight year old has- including being afraid of the dark. His (what I’m labeling as) autism makes him very sensitive to his surroundings. I feel like colors/lights and sounds are the major ones that bug him.

AMY - no damsel in distress. While she enjoys things labeled as ‘feminine’ such as cooking and shopping, she has a very spunky personality. While her expertise is in baking sweets, she also makes a really good hot sauce. Most of her shopping is done for others, hardly ever herself. She’s always lending out a helping hand to anyone she meets and isn’t afraid to get involved in a fight with Badniks. She’s willing to give anyone and everyone a second chance- just don’t place your bets on getting a third chance tho.

KNUCKLES - a very stoic, older brother type. He doesn’t allow himself much room to relax and has placed his entire world on his own shoulders, causing himself to get caught up in his own seriousness. To make up for this, he tends to push people away and avoids asking for help even when he needs it. While he may act in that manner, he does care for his friends and thinks the best way to protect them is to keep his distance. He’s gullible, but not dumb. In the heat of the moment, Knuckles tends to act first before thinking things through. Usually someone has to help him fill in the blanks before he realizes he’s been duped. Still, he’s no idiot and has great survival skills. He’s also a fan of Amy’s homemade salsa (she makes it extra spicy for him). There’s hope he’ll open up more with time and patience.

I may add to this later on with more characters but for now here’s the main crew lmao

[boasamishipper]

all the top gun Kids™️

i have decided to answer this for all of my top gun faves, i apologize in advance if this is not what you meant lol

maverick mitchell

who? | only know their name | loathe | ugh | overrated | indifferent | dead | alive | just okay | cute | badass | my baby | hot | want to marry | favorite | Someone Please Give Him A Hug

listen you already know i love maverick mitchell but i Really Really Love Maverick Mitchell with all my heart and i HATE that people refuse to see him for the three-dimensional character that he is (and that tom played him as). he’s determined and confident and has every right to be, he’s a badass pilot, but i love his character arc about learning how to be a team player. i LOVE his relationship with goose and carole and baby!bradley (and ice, in any capacity) and i am so ready for said relationships to Destroy me in the sequel. (also when mav is Sad i am Sad, and it looks like he has had even more to be sad about btwn tg1 and tg2. what happened to you mav. what did they do to you. mcq if u do not give this man a happy ending a hug and some therapy i swear to GOD-)

iceman kazansky

who? | only know their name | loathe | ugh | overrated | indifferent | dead | alive (i refuse to consider otherwise) | just okay | cute | badass | my baby | hot | want to marry | favorite

the fact that ice is as much of an ensemble darkhorse / breakout character has everything to do with val kilmer (whom i also love) being a fantastic actor, bc lets be real the script did not give him a lot to work with here. i love his hair and his face and his very pretty eyes (whose color i can STILL not discern after many rewatches) and his absolutely warranted confidence in himself (and as a pilot). i love that he isn’t afraid to call mav out for being unsafe (srsly, he is the Only Sane Man in this entire movie) but appreciates mav’s outside the box / ‘dangerous’ thinking as his wingman. he’s got a big heart (as evidenced by the 'i’m sorry about goose’ scene) behind those ice cold walls, and i cannot WAIT to see how his relationship with mav has grown by the time the sequel is finally released. give me respected admiral iceman kazansky or give me death. if they kill ice off i AM disowning canon mcq, do you hear me.

goose bradshaw

who? | only know their name | loathe | ugh | overrated | indifferent | dead | alive | just okay | cute | badass | my baby | hot | want to marry | favorite | rip cinnamon roll too good for this world

i love goose SO FUCKING MUCH, every bit of him, from the not-at-all-regulation mustache to the bad jokes to the country-fried southern vibe to the singing and piano-playing to how much he respects and cares about mav (and how much mav respects and cares about him in return). his relationship with carole is my favorite thing on this entire earth, followed closely by his relationship with mav and also his relationship with ice. (like ice really respects goose and vice versa, and they clearly knew each other pre-canon, and one of the few times ice smiles genuinely in the movie is at goose - i really wish canon gave us more goose&ice, there’s so much to analyze there.) his death scene makes me tear up every time.

carole bradshaw

who? | only know their name | loathe | ugh | overrated | indifferent | dead | alive | just okay | cute | badass | my baby | hot | want to marry | favorite | ray of sunshine too good for this world

carole is the BEST. actual ray of sunshine in human form and also a fashion icon. i adore her optimism and kindness, even in literally the worst times, and i especially love how much she adores goose and mav. forever bitter that they didn’t recast meg ryan to play her in the sequel though i’m sure jean louisa kelly will do a good job bringing carole to the big screen. (NOT a fan of the fact that it looks like she and mav and bradley by extension haven’t spoken in a long time and i Demand an explanation, even if it’s angsty.)

bradley bradshaw / rooster

who? | only know their name | loathe | ugh | overrated | indifferent | dead | alive | just okay | cute | badass | my baby | hot | want to marry | favorite

last we saw bradley he was a little kid who clearly worshipped his dad and by the time the top gun 2 trailer rolled around, he’s the spitting image of his father, serious and determined to make a name for himself (with possible authority issues like young!mav, given he’s still a lieutenant in his late thirties).  i am very excited to meet him, and i’m also super excited to see his relationships with phoenix and the other pilots, and with jean louisa kelly’s carole bradshaw. (if bradley is playing great balls of fire on the piano in that one clip in the trailer i am going to just. straight up drop dead.) 

speaking of the trailers it’s clear bradley holds a serious grudge towards mav - “my dad believed in you, i’m not gonna make the same mistake” GOD. what happened btwn mav and bradley? what happened to their relationship?? (who taught him to blame mav for his dad’s death bc i hope to god it wasn’t carole - i’m leaning toward jon hamm’s character bc he seems like an asshole who does not like mav, or maybe even mav just refusing to correct bradley’s assumption bc he blames himself too.) anyway, PLEASE tell me bradley realizes he’s being an asshole by blaming mav for his dad’s death and works on repairing their relationship (and works through his own grief as well).

phoenix

who? | only know their name | loathe | ugh | overrated | indifferent | dead | alive | just okay | cute | badass | my baby | hot | want to marry | favorite

one of the people i am most excited to meet in the sequel! i don’t know anything about her besides the info from a 2017 casting call describing her as a “fierce pilot, gifted leader, kind of a loner, eager to prove herself, who falls for bradley aka rooster,” but that is enough to make me Very Excited to meet her - ESPECIALLY if the bradley/phoenix is going to be set up like icemav, which i have a strong suspicion it’s going to be, complete with height difference. (phoenix: *does anything*, bradley: top me top me top me.) also, a potential mav&phoenix father/daughter relationship????? Sign Me The Fuck Up. this movie is just going to end with me in tears and with custody of seven or eight new children.

fritz

who? | only know their name | loathe | ugh | overrated | indifferent | dead | alive | just okay | cute | badass | my baby | hot | want to marry | favorite

listen apparently he is just a cryptid because we only know his name and i THOUGHT he was gonna be a main character since he was one of the first to get named, but we have only seen him on the periphery of some scenes in the trailers, even after all this time, so now i kinda doubt it. but he is played by the gorgeous manny jacinto and he and bradley sat near each other once so i am assuming they are friends in some way, and also my headcanon of him as amy santiago trapped in the body of jason mendoza has made me love him very much. pls don’t kill him, canon. also pls @ manny and mcq and kosinski give me SOMETHING to work with here lmao. 

hangman

who? | only know their name | loathe | ugh | overrated | indifferent | dead | alive | just okay | cute | badass | my baby | hot | want to marry | favorite

look. i know mcq and co are probably going to set up hangman vs rooster to be like mav vs ice, enemies/rivals to friends, but honestly, i’m not all that here for it??? i do like that from his callsign alone, hangman is probably going to be a darker version of ice (less kind, more focused on the job, maybe more like charlie than like ice if that makes any sense at all) and his rivalry with bradley is already clearly a lot more heated than mav’s ever was with ice. anyway, glen powell is an excellent actor, so let’s hope he makes hangman a 3d character in his own right and not just an iceman expy. 

payback, fanboy, and bob

who? | only know their name | loathe | ugh | overrated | indifferent | dead | alive | just okay | cute | badass | my baby | hot | want to marry | favorite

i’m already lowkey shipping payback/fanboy and i love bob for looking like a dorky 21st century radar o’reilly, but honestly, not super on the edge of my seat to meet these guys. i do want to know whose WSO bob is - my guess is phoenix’s since they were sitting next to each other at one point, but he could also be hangman’s - and my worry is that since he’s the only named WSO right now, they could very well Pull A Goose and kill him off in a training accident. (i hope not since i don’t want a complete canon redux, but it would definitely be angsty.)

put a fictional character in my ask box and i’ll rate them accordingly

[butch-himbo-king]

thank you @ghostquarthot for tagging me!!! what was your last… drink - i had 6 peach redbulls on the drive home last night/this morning phone call - my sister text message - my brother asking abt a puppy play date song you listened to - be my mistake by the 1975 time you cried - its been a few days actually which is pretty good for me (unless this counts crying from laughing bc i did that a few times this weekend) have you ever… dated someone twice - kind of? i think so maybe been cheated on - oof yeah lol :/// lost someone special - yea been depressed - yee babey gotten drunk and thrown up - nah its pretty fucking hard to get me drunk at all tbh in this year, have you… made a new friend - a few! fallen out of love - nope laughed until you cried - yeee met someone who changed you - not yet found out who your true friends are - i mean i've found out some of my friendships arent exactly what i thought they were but they're all still friends kissed someone on your facebook list - don't have fb general… how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life - do not have do you have any pets - i have two dogs and two cats! technically they're family pets, steven is the only one who's Mine do you want to change your name - i b thinkng abt it A Lot but idk if i could and also i can't decide on one i like lol what did you do for your last birthday - went to work, took a nap, went to gym, went to bed what time did you wake up - I’ve been up since like 3pm yesterday what were you doing at midnight last night - driving and going insane from spending too long alone in the car what’s something you can’t wait for - im going down to nashville to see one of my brothers soon!!!!! when was the last time you saw your mum - uhhh thursday morning at like 5am what are you listening to right now - blackbird by beeches have ever met a person named tom- a few, yea what’s something that gets on your nerves - the fact that i misgender myself basically all the time bc i'm an idiot lmao :/ what’s your blood type - okay i know its O but idk if its + or - nickname - sometimes ppl here call me king lmao. also my family calls me sis and sister sarah a lot and i Hate It but i guess it counts? relationship status - single zodiac sign - libra sun, leo moon, taurus rising pronouns - they/them fav tv show - probably avatar the last airbender tbh. but also (don't judge me for this) my brother and i watch the bachelor/bachelorette/bachlor in paradise together every week lol tattoos - none yet but i have plans for a sleeve and a few other pieces right or left handed - right but i can use my left for most stuff too and also there are a few things i Can't do with my right hand but i can do with my left lol first… surgery - none babeyyy piercing - only one i have is my septum best friend - i met my best friend kam when we were 5 years old and i'm gonna be in her wedding this spring/summer!!! sport - basketball babeyyyy! vacation - i don't remember the first trip but when i had family in florida we would go down to visit them on spring break right now… eating - nothing drinking - water i’m about to - clean up my head! fresh buzz babeyyyy!!!!!! listening to - adore by amy shark waiting for - nap time want kids - i think so but also not really but also yea i do but also no thank you get married - yea! career - bruh i don’t fucking knowwwwwww which is better… hugs or kisses - hugs lips or eyes - eyes shorter or taller - i don't really have a preference tbh but almost every girl i've liked has been taller than me lol older or younger - doesnt Super matter to me as long as its only a few years and theres no power imbalance there romantic or spontaneous - i like the idea of romantic but i think i'm definitely more aquainted with spontaneous nice arms or nice stomach - bro they're All Nice but theres nothin better than a nice tummy to lay your head on tbh sensitive or loud - sensitive hook up or relationship - either bc im a slut but i also b havin a heart trouble maker or hesitant - i'm trouble maker so maybe i need someone more hesitant but also who's gonna say no to doubling the chaotic energy u kno? have you ever… kissed a stranger - define stranger... drank hard liquor - yes sex on the first date - yea broke someone’s heart - i dont think so? had your heart broken - i don't think so been arrested - nope cried when someone died - yea fallen for a friend - oof yea a little :/ do you believe in… yourself - lmao no miracles - not sure tbh love at first sight - no santa claus - nope kiss on the first date - yea boi! angels - ehhhh i'm kinda just like... who knows u kno? tag time! y'all don't have to do this if don't want, we just vibin but i tag @kaloi-jeni-doxun @kirbymilkshake @soontobedrifter @sleepiestdyke @sapphicluxanna @dyketitties and @toofemmetofunction

[eagles-translated]

Do you think Amie and Felicia will rekindle their friendship? They had such a cute and geniune friendship. Btw, I can't wait for to see how Elias and Amie's relationship plays out!

Me too, they're my favorite couple even though they're not even a couple haha.

I definitely think Amie and Felicia will rekindle their friendship at some point down the line, but obviously they're not in the best place right now since there's still some pretty bad blood between them. I also think it might take some time before they get back to the same genuine friendship they had before, and let me explain why.

At Felicia's party when she invited Amie it almost seemed like Amie wasn't that interested in rekindling their friendship and just seemed really petty and rude when she started insulting Felicia in her home with people all around (yes I'm still super disappointed with Amie for doing that). I totally understand why Felicia got mad at her for doing that.

I don't know if Felicia knows about how Amie confessed being in love with Ludde, but nevertheless that's another thing that could come between them becoming friends again. I know Amie probably couldn't control how she felt about Ludde, but after she saw the lyrics Ludde wrote about Felicia and her seeing Ludde talking to Felicia outside his house where it was obvious Ludde was still in love with her - it's just kind of naive of Amie to still think Ludde might feel something for her.

I know we all love Amie and think she deserves better, but I feel like she never got punished as bad as Ludde. Ludde didn't cheat on Felicia by himself, and Amie was actually the one who led him into that room. They were both drunk and during s1 I thought it meant nothing to both of them and that it was a drunken mistake, but then in s2 we find out that Amie is in love with Ludde. I can't help but think that maybe Amie was the one who initiated the whole hookup, because she did lead him into the room and she might've already had feelings for Ludde back then which grew stronger in s2. They're both to blame, obviously, but Amie did betray her best friend and then she never told Felicia about it. We don't even know if Amie was planning on telling her and if she'd ever tell Felicia (assuming the video had never been posted).

Felicia lost the trust of both her boyfriend and her best friend in one night, and that's really heavy. I don't think a lot of people symphathized with Felicia and really understood how heartbreaking that must've been. After that, Felicia had nobody to trust in Oskarshamn anymore except for her brother and her mom. It's just even worse knowing how long that huge secret was kept from her.

I'd be a complete mess if that happened to me and just the idea of trusting the person who did that to me would be difficult. But if Felicia forgave Ludde for it, it's definitely possible she could forgive Amie as well if Amie just tried apologizing for it properly. We don't know what happened during the time skip between s1 and s2, but in s2 Amie just didn't seem that considerate of Felicia's feelings and how hard it was for her. Yes, Amie was a victim in the situation too for being filmed and then that video being posted without her knowing or her consent, but that doesn't erase the fact that she did something really shitty to Felicia (along with Ludde, but I'm focusing specifically on Amie and Felicia).

Amie warmed up to Ludde real fast and for her, getting Ludde to help her with the song almost seemed like an excuse for her to get to spend more time with him. I can understand that since Amie probably didn't have many friends besides Sofia (Sofie?) but she never stopped to consider how her spending time with Ludde would look like to Felicia.

If it were me, it would hurt really bad seeing my ex-boyfriend and ex-best friend talking to each other and smiling after you got cheated on and went weeks with neither of them confessing the truth. It's understandable that Felicia reacted the way she did and wanted to embarrass Amie in the way Felicia was embarrassed in front of everybody. People handle these things differently.

Being cheated on sucks and maybe if Amie had distanced herself from Ludde instead of constantly meeting him, it would've seemed like Amie actually felt bad about hurting Felicia the way she did. I know the writers had the whole Amie/Ludde storyline planned out so that wasn't really an option, though.

One thing that really irks me though is the party scene I mentioned earlier at Felicia's house, when Felicia invited Amie into her home (and Amie's friend) and is actually being nice to Amie even though she didn't have to. Felicia just seemed to be the way bigger person of the two of them by being polite despite Amie hurting her. Felicia was really mature and apologized for embarrassing Amie in front of the whole school by throwing mashed potatoes on her.

But Amie just responds in a really condescending way which just made me lose respect for her. Amie says something to the likes of "yes, that was a really shitty and immature thing of you to do". To me that was totally uncalled for and seemed like an excuse Amie had for insulting Felicia in a way that "wasn't really" insulting her. On top of that, there were people all around to hear and if Amie didn't want to accept the apology she should've just stayed silent instead of being rude to Felicia like that.

I think Felicia was being really genuine when she approached Amie and talked to her. Amie's whole attitude and her insulting Felicia's actions when she was in a pretty vulnerable place would, of course, turn off anyone from being kind. I think that's when Felicia realized Amie didn't seem to care about repairing their friendship and Felicia shouldn't have to bother if she's being treated like that. Nobody should, to be honest. What Amie did made me so disappointed with her character. I know people still idolize her and say she deserves better, but Amie isn't without her faults.

Felicia was the one who launched Amie's whole music career. In my opinion, she would not become as successful as she did if she hadn't gotten that boost from Felicia. She might not even have gotten the record deal. Despite that, Amie never thanks Felicia for helping her realize her dream and she doesn't even have the decency to leave the mashed potatoes stuff behind her. Felicia apologized for it, and in my opinion what Amie did to Felicia prior was way worse than Felicia throwing some food on her. Amie went behind Felicia's back and made out with her boyfriend, then the very next day went on a roadtrip with Felicia's brother while ignoring what had just happened and opted for not telling Felicia at all what she did. She made things so much worse by ignoring what she (and Ludde) had done.

Amie being mad over mashed potatoes when Felicia had moved on from being cheated on, being lied to, and being completely betrayed was just so disappointing. Felicia deserved to be treated way better than that by someone who was once her best friend.

Anyway, I should really wrap up this rant. I do want them reconciling in season 3, but I want Amie to actually apologize for what she did. She made a move on Felicia's boyfriend while they were dating and after they were broken up. Just that alone makes it seem like Amie never really cared about Felicia and was way more into Ludde than anything.

I think I would've felt more for Amie if she had bottled up her feelings for Ludde out of respect for Felicia. If Amie hadn't kissed Ludde and hadn't called Ludde to tell him she was in love with him, hopeful that he felt the same way. Amie knew Ludde was still in love with Felicia and she still persisted with the whole thing.

Amie should really be the one to apologize if she wants to rekindle the friendship, and not Felicia.

Hopefully this doesn't get that much hate lmao, a lot of people stan Amie but I sort of think if the characters were reversed Felicia would face way more hate than Amie. We already know Klara is still pretty hated for how she was in s1 and not really facing that many consequences for it in s2, and I just think Amie did a lot of bad things as well that nobody really seems to bring up.

[enchantedamusedslightlyconfused]

73 questions.

I was tagged by @wescoasts @machine-gun-casie (BABES)

Almost all my friends have been tagged and I don't wanna be that asshole so ill try not to be. I tag @awkwardrocker @backoftheroomandnotbelonging @trixiehoe @she-who-is-timey-wimey

On a scale of 1-10, how excited are you about life right now?

Well it’s finals week so about -864. After that I have two weeks of legitimate nothing where I will bake my heart out so we’ll see

Describe yourself in a hashtag?

#yikes #ughshesinherfeelsagain 

If you could do a love scene with anyone, who would it be?

Milo Ventimiglia, Kells, Rook.....being a music video love interest is only my life’s pipe dream 

If your life was a musical, what would the marquee say?

And that’s on daddy issues and no supervision...

What’s one thing people don’t know about you?

I used to model like went to modeling school and got paid for it type shit

What’s your wakeup ritual?

get woken up by my dog tired of hearing my alarm, walk said opinionated quadruped, feed quadruped, get dressed, COFFEE, then take life as it comes

What’s your go to bed ritual?

melatonin gummies (gotta make anxiety fun), skincare when executive dysfunction will allow, brush teeth, fight dog for my spot in bed (moving a 90lb animal is no joke), turn on my sleep playlist or use my ambient noise app, stare at ceiling

What’s your favorite time of day?

witching hour followed by golden hour

Your go to for having a good laugh?

lately tiktok and Kellyvisions, previously vine compilations or Netflix specials

Dream country to visit?

Ireland. I NEED to go to the motherland. My families castle is still standing and I get in for free. its on my bucket list FOR SURE. 

What’s the biggest surprise you’ve had?

getting into nursing school and chiropractic school. I’m a loser and I’ve never had a surprise party. I’d melt in puddle of love tbh

Heels or flats/sneakers?

Flats 98% of the time. Heels are reserved for business casual necessity, Halloween, or if I’m feeling myself 

Vintage or new?

both, depends on the item

Who do you want to write your obituary?

Amy-Sherman Palladino 

Style icon?

lmao a what? on the real though catch me fucking with those eco-friendly kitchen witch vibes. All the dainty jewelry, linens and converse/docks fam

What are three things you can’t live without?

my dog, my family (found and blood), healing people however I can (medicine ruined me for any other career and its sucks you guys)

What’s one ingredient you put in everything?

tbh salt, I question a recipes validity if salt isn't involved 

What 3 people living or dead would you like to make dinner for?

Kells and the band (I'd be too nervous for a one on one), a dinner party with my MGK fam, Elvis

What’s your biggest fear in life?

Failure, not accomplishing anything 

Window or aisle seat?

window all day everyday, on the wing preferably cause I like to feel the landing gear #pilotsgranddaughter 

What’s your current TV obsession?

Roadies forever, pry that series from my cold dead hands (also Gilmore Girls and Criminal Minds)

Favorite app?

tie between Tumblr and Pinterest (im an aesthetic slut)

Secret talent?

I am bomb at disney princess songs, the girls I babysit for treat me like a jukebox at bedtime, cutest thing ever

Most adventurous thing you’ve done in your life?

delivered a baby has hands down been the coolest thing I’ve ever done

How would you define yourself in three words?

I fucking hate this question. always have. empathetic, resilient, intuitive 

Favourite piece of clothing you own?

overall: my senior prom dress. its emerald green, backless, with a slit to upper thigh chefs kiss 

everyday wear: Colorado sweatshirt

Must have clothing item everyone should have?

I second Jude: over sized hoodies

Superpower you would want?

nonspecific healing powers so they aren't limited to physical ailments

What’s inspiring you in life right now?

Colson

Best piece of advice you’ve received?

HA. probably that the body remembers more about trauma than the mind and your seemingly irrational physical reactions to things are your brain’s attempt to protect you

Best advice you’d give your teenage self?

his mistake does not define your worth. I went for a variant of these boys aint shit don't judge me cause she needs to hear it

A book that everyone should read?

Harry Potter series (yes the whole thing), Speak by Laurie Halse Anderson, Wintergirls by Laurie Halse Anderson, The Giver by Lois Lowry 

What would you like to be remembered for?

empathy, the way I made people feel

How do you define beauty?

FOR THE LAST TIME ITS SUBJECTIVE, things that give you peace, it could be a song, a person, a sunset, a scone, a leaf. If it makes you stop a second and exhale then its beautiful to you

What do you love most about your body?

holy trigger question Batman...my eyes, my hair color, texture, and its ability to grow

Best way to take a rest/decompress?

drive with the windows down and blast music while singing at the top of my lungs

Favorite place to view art?

unexpected places, like street corners, carnivals, just somewhere it takes you off guard and makes you stop and pay attention

If your life were a song, what would the title be?

it’d be one of those crazy long 2000s fall out boy titles for sure, subject matter yet to be determined 

If you could master one instrument, what would it be?

violin hands down, it hits me different

If you had a tattoo, where would it be?

I have a bunch planned, plane on my right shoulder, Kells related between 3rd and 4th ribs (maybe lower in case I ever need a chest tube), watercolor portrait of my dog at some point location TBD

Dolphins or koalas?

dolphins are stoners and they're super smart, but koalas cause they’re grumpy af and honestly same

What’s your spirit animal?

again Jude and I are vibin: I've been identifying with a phoenix as of late. according to pottermore im a greyhound though (yes a patrons is a wizarding spirit animal. fight me)

Best gift you’ve ever received?

seven year old me was stoked to get a functional microscope and metal detector, I was in my egyptology/archeology phase, I still have them lmao

Best gift you’ve ever given?

oh hell idk...I made my cousin cry once cause I made cupcakes for her birthday party, they were cherry limeade flavored and had little straws and everything. that was pretty cool, granted she was seven. I also made my teacher cry cause I made sea salt caramel chocolate cupcakes for her going away party. I guess my baking brings people to tears

What’s your favourite board game?

candy land, battleship, cards against humanity even though there isn't a board

What’s your favourite colour?

forest green atm

Least favourite colour?

bright yellow/orange, its offensive to my general The Dirt Mick Mars disposition

Diamonds or pearls?

pearls (actually opals though)

Drugstore makeup or designer?

not picky provided they are evironmentally friendly. I really like Besame Cosmetics though

Blow-dry or air-dry?

air-dry, I don't have the patience for blow drying

Pilates or yoga?

yoga

Coffee or tea?

COFFEE, im still learning to like tea

What’s the weirdest word in the English language?

holy shit how much time do we have, my favorite weird word to say is fistula or omphalocele (they're medical conditions, don't goole it unless you have a strong stomach) 

Dark chocolate or milk chocolate?

dark chocolate

Stairs or elevator?

stairs 

Summer or winter?

neither FALL BITCHES   winter if I had to pick cause I love Christmas 

You are stuck on an island, you can pick one food to eat forever without getting tired of it, what would you eat?

burgers

A desert you don’t like?

red velvet cake....just why is it a thing that exists 

A skill you’re working on mastering?

baking scones or shit that’s flaky in general 

Best thing to happen to you today?

being tagged to do this twice, I felt special for a hot second (thanks babes)

Best compliment you’ve ever received?

that I would make a good doctor (I handled a scary pt situation like a champ, they didn't know I threw up after I made sure my pt didn't die. puking in a foreign country on the download is a skill in and of itself)

Favorite smell?

bergamot, baking bread, baking spice cakes at Christmas

Hugs or kisses?

HUGS CAN SAVE THE WORLD

If you made a documentary, what would it be about?

gifted kid fall off

Last piece of content you consumed that made you cry?

In These Walls - Machine Gun Kelly

Casual Sabotage - Yungblud

genius assholes...

Lipstick or lip gloss?

lipstick for special occasions but actually tinted chapstick or lip stains 

Sweet or savoury?

savory to eat sweet to make for someone else

Girl crush?

Brittney Furlan Lee, Alexis Bledel, Lauren Graham 

How you know you’re in love?

you look at them and just say yep. them. usually while they're doing something stupid 

Song you can listen to on repeat?

imma out myself but Swing Life Away - Machine Gun Kelly

If you could switch lives with someone for a day who would it be?

the grass is not greener ya’ll. id rather go back and relive days 

What are you most excited about at this time in your life?

hopefully passing my first trimester of chiropractic school. fingers crossed pls

[chinarsi]

( DACRE MONTGOMERY + HE/HIM ) —  Hey, were you just talking to ANTONELLO LUCCHESE ? The THIRTY year old is a STRIP CLUB OWNER/UNDERBOSS who resides in MANHATTAN. HE has been living in NYC for TWENTY-SIX YEARS, and is known to be EFFICIENT and AFFECTIONATE, but can also be IMPULSIVE and PERVERTED. Word on the street is they’ve got some heavy ties with THE GUERRAS so I’d steer clear if you know what’s good for you.

**TW: **implied attempted murder, child abuse, abandonment; mental illness mention

First name: Antonello

Middle name(s): Giuseppe / “Pinky”

Surname: Lucchese

Age: 30

Date of birth: November 19, 1990

Religious values: Raised Roman Catholic but considers himself agnostic and a vitalist

Location: Spanish Harlem, Manhattan, New York

Occupation and length of time: Underboss/Strip club owner, 15 years

Affiliation: Guerra

Sexuality: Heterosexual

Relationship status: Divorced

Nationality: Considers himself Italian American ( fathers’ side is from Palermo, Sicily, mothers’ side is from Eastern Germany )

Languages known: English, Italian, German, Russian

Style of speaking: Politically incorrect

Birth Country: United States

Hometown: Crown Heights, Brooklyn

Parents: Bill and Teresa Lucchese

Siblings: Amy Lucchese

Pets: Amethystine python, Jinn, and an albino boa constrictor, Rasputin

Height: 5'11

Weight: 183 lbs

Eye color: Light blue

Hair color: Dark brown

Build of body: Stocky, muscular, aka a brickshit house

Tattoos: None

Piercings: Earlobe

Typical clothing: Business casual to very casual, button-downs/linen pants and vintage suits (*Three Looks by Jenna Marbles plays quietly in the background*)

Personality: “ Did you guys come by ? “ ( Ends at 8:32 ; it’s worth the watch, I swear lmao )

“ Como se dice ? How you say what happing ? whA HAPPING HEA. ” ( Starts at 2:52, ends at 11:36 )

Likes: Winning, music, Friedrich Nietzsche, indulgence, working out, and reading

Dislikes: Birds, uncertainty, technology, anything grape flavored, waiting, swimming in open water/the ocean, drama, younger generations

Pet peeves: Being ignored or interrupted, knuckle cracking, people eating with their mouths open

Hobbies/past times: Running, swimming, cooking, fencing, journaling, marksmanship, knife throwing, reading, avid glass collector and tobacco aficionado

Guilty pleasures: An old soul; loves red wine, Telenovelas, listening to either Nina Simone or Amy Winehouse, and pain

Talents: Can play piano, coronet, drums, braid hair and relocate an entire family in less than 48 hours

Education: Highschool dropout

Fears: Heights, dying alone, being asked to go to Italy

Goals: Settle the family dispute and to keep his ex-wife in the dark about what he does

General attitude: Quiet, reserved, snarky

General intelligence: Somewhat above average

General sociability: Average to below average

Illnesses (if any): Traumatized, most likely very depressed, bat shit crazy and probably a bit of a sociopath, but views seeing a Dr./Therapist is just as dangerous as becoming an informant.

Allergies (if any): Cats, amoxicillin/penicillin

Sleeping habits: Sleeps 3-4 hours normally, gets up early and stays up late, is sometimes up for days

Energy level: Depends on the day, could be moderate, low and very rarely high

Eating habits: Eats more than three times a day, mostly pasta, meat, bread, and sweets

Memory: Fair and remembers faces well but tends to repress quite a bit from his life/childhood, under certain circumstances it is poor

Any unhealthy habits: Overspending, binge eating, smoking, not getting enough rest, binge drinking, uses recreational drugs daily

Peaceful or violent: Unpredictable

Weapon (if applicable): Gun, golf club, curling iron, hands

Favorite types of food: Anything you put in front of him

Favorite types of drink: Water, wine and Ski soda

Favorite colors: Black, earth and neutral tones

Favorite types of music: 1. 2. 3.

Hobbies/past times: Running, swimming, cooking, fencing, journaling, marksmanship, knife throwing, reading, avid glass collector and tobacco aficionado

Guilty pleasures: An old soul; loves red wine, Telenovelas, listening to either Nina Simone or Amy Winehouse, and pain

Strengths: Efficient, passionate, observant, protective, loyal, brave, affectionate, poised, fair, chivalrous, playful, honest, romantic

Weaknesses: Intolerant, childish, negative, stubborn, short-tempered, impatient, perverted, aggressive, blunt, reclusive, paranoid, impulsive, secretive

Wcs: His ex wife, house mom/house dad/business partner, fwb, old friends, regular/associate turned bff, rival that manages to win & screw him over, fwbs that get involved/find out about his double life and are put in danger

Quirks/facts: 

* Nicknamed “pinky” by a small group of friends when his now ex-wife found out he spent his life savings on a strip club and attempted to sever his pinky finger with a pair of thinning shears, also due to the simple fact, he never leaves the house without his grandfather’s gold teamster pinky ring placed on that exact finger

* In most situations he’s the extremely respectful, strong and silent type

* Extremely quick to anger, doesn’t take much to aggravate and provoke him, but he can also be an unpredictably warm, affectionate, goofy individual

* Agnostic and believes you should indulge in all of your desires but always in gentle moderation

* Has a machivelian yet moral mindset

* His respect for women knows no bounds

* Has a really loud sneeze and goes into sneeze fits

* Brutally honest

* Likes to go on late night/early morning shopping trips

* Gets too emotionally attached to people that shouldn’t matter

* Always carries a tiny notebook with him

* No shame in his game but cautious, composed, and always aware of his surroundings

* Has to move things around in a certain pattern before going to sleep

* Experienced alot but tends to keep to himself, there’s very few people that actually know him

* Bruises super easily

* Writes and eats with his left hand but is right hand dominant

* Likes to memorize numbers instead of saving contacts in his phone

* Gets homesick very easily

* Brushes his teeth up to five times a day

* Generous with his money, purely for selfish and superstitious reasons, but only for close friends and associates

* Likes to stay off social media

* Gets his heart broken too often

* Holds grudges like no other

* Will be loyal to the mob until he takes his last breath and would rather die than be forced to send anyone to prison

* Firmly believes in the healing power of sit-downs

* Would never take advantage of a drunk woman, but defintely would get drunk just to get taken advantage of

* Don’t fuck around though, has high libido and occasionally low stamina; a wrong look alone could get you pregnant

* Sanctioned hits directly from the boss have always made him uncomfortable and nervous, no matter who he’s working under

* Takes murder very seriously

Bio: Antonello Guiseppe Lucchese was born three months prematurely to Bill and Teressa on a chilly November night in Brooklyn, New York.

He doesn’t remember much from his childhood other than he never really had a mother and father, but figures he might have gotten luckier not having them around. Apparently, his mother worked numerous jobs to keep a roof over their heads for years, until dealing with the constant absence of his father became too much to bear. Then, at just the fragile age of three and four years old, both Amy and Antonello Lucchese were carted off to Crown Heights, New York to permanently stay with a mixed family of uncles, cousins, and loving grandparents, almost all the surviving members of the Lucchese crime family in a small three-bedroom apartment.

Most of their wives had passed away or left them by the time they’d arrived, so it was a lot like growing up in a dingy old bar but, both children grew up and learned quickly from their mistakes. Learned to use them to their advantage, but every once in a while there would be unnecessary punishments, overdramatic arguments, dinners missed and uneasy, awkward mornings, but. It was more than what anyone else could have given them, so they were grateful nonetheless.

Everything changed drastically for Antonello when he entered the fifth grade. Things became easier to deal with at home, but not exactly in the way anyone had expected. Especially not his grandmother. He’d always clung to her for guidance, support, and love but the moment the family exposed the young heart to their lifestyle, he broke away and heedlessly dove in.

No one had forced him into anything, but as the years passed, most relatives and himself included were absolutely convinced that he was made for it, and it was made for him. Although it was in his blood, after all, a large number of them also knew it marked the end of his innocence, and the beginning of ruthless trek towards a twisted, egotistical version of manhood and success.

In the span of six years, he’d become the youngest in the family to rise through the ranks in a proud, composed fashion and landed a spot right beneath his grandfather. He was creative, intelligent and respectful in a way that the elders of the Italian mob began to appreciate more than the efforts of his own immediate family, so soon after Antonello realized the long list of dead or incarcerated relatives were mostly rats, scumbags, and hypocrites, coincidentally, he was asked to leave.

Then while out at the local bowling alley, his cousins spotted one of his better friends groping his girlfriend. He didn’t even make it twenty-four hours after his grandmother had broken the news of the heartless eviction, and the younger boy spent almost two weeks in the hospital. Luckily, her grandson wasn’t around long enough to suffer any harsh consequences, or god forbid a life sentence but, one punishment that should have been totally unrelated, would slowly begin to ruin his life.

Out of pure fear of her older brother and grandparents, Amy Lucchese decided to finish her high school career at home and cut all ties with him. Shortly after the devastating blow, a family friend was contacted and made arrangments for him to stay in East Harlem. 

Present: Has resided in East Harlem for the past fifteen years, staying moderately silent and unlocatable until being promoted to underboss. Currently works for the Guerra family, laundering money and holding meetings through his own business until the doors open every evening. He is recently divorced, lives alone above an old pizza joint and prefers a conventional lifestyle even though he loves what he does.

Although Show N' Tail opened in 2017, the wide variety of male and female dancers, elaborate drag shows, light shows, warm and cozy atmosphere, has made it one of the most decadent and revered clubs in the area.

[dollsorwhatever]

Arrivals: DDs and Winx!

My Sailor Mars and Mercury DDs finally showed up! Now I can take a breath and stop worrying about them, I was so worried that Volks made a mistake and accidentally sent me a winning e-mail or something bc of all the site glitches that have been happening lmao.  I’m leaving them NIB for now because I’m just not in the mood to debox and style them, and in my experience, my doll hair skills suck if I force myself to do it. I’ll save them for a day when I’m truly excited to debox and dress them. 

They’re so adorable though! They really nailed the designs, Ami’s face is so sweet and Rei is stunning. Ami will need an S bust, though. Luckily my wig caps came today too, so I have those ready for when I debox them! I’m still honestly shocked that I own these, a Volks X Sailor Moon collection has been a dream of mine since I was a kid and I’m very thankful that it happened when I’m adult and have the resources to get them. I’m gonna be smart and start saving for Venus and Jupiter earlier than I did with these two, because I just know they’re gonna show up next year. And then the outers and Chibiusa in the years after that, and probably ESM and NQS, and on and on. I’m determined to complete the line, except for Mamoru and Chibiusa and maybe ESM because I’m not that into her. But I have a feeling the ESM will also come with a NQS outfit because that makes the most sense, so I’ll need to get her anyway lol.  These girls also came today!

I’ve been thinking about re-collecting the Mattel Winx line for a while, but it didn’t feel right until about two weeks ago. After a lot of searching I found an Ebay lot with 4/6 of the first edition dolls and I grabbed it immediately. 

I had some of the original Mattel dolls when I was a kid and absolutely coveted them- every time I went to Walmart with my mom, I would stop in the doll section and just stare at them, in absolute awe. I was ecstatic when I got the first edition Stella, and then I got two more Stellas after that (Pixie Magic and Singsational Magic), I actually didn’t own the others until my 5th grade bestie gave me her Bloom and Flora lol, I was all about Stella. She’s still my fave.  I’m not actually sure what happened to them, but I’ve wanted to re-collect them for years and I finally decided to start this week. They’re not as difficult to acquire as my Sailor Moon dolls were, or my Barbie Princess collection but they’re definitely harder-to-find and they go for 3x the retail price so it was a little daunting to think about it. This collection won’t be near as elaborate as my Barbie/SM collections but I do want to get two full lines (the first and second edition dolls) and perhaps some of the basic lines, so that I have each character in their original fairy forms, civilian outfits and a third of each in different outfits and hairstyles. The most difficult part of this is that I want them all NIB because I’m a perfectionist and I want them to be ‘fresh’ even though I’m obviously going to debox them lol So far I’ve gotten 4/6 of the first edition line NIB so I just need Flora and Bloom to collect that line, and then I need the entire Pixie Magic collection and a second Layla to go with the civilian dolls. I also want that gigantic 18′‘ Mattel Bloom because she’s stunning and I have a thing for the whole ‘‘Same doll but bigger/smaller’‘ concept.  

[chaesonghwas]

something in my heart, something in my soul

HEY ALEX!! 😘 @strangerest-things here's my Christmas/New Year's gift for you, I hope you enjoy it in all of its terrible, plotless fluffy glory. I meant to post this earlier for you tho, but I accidentally fell asleep lmao, sorry about that!!

(Btw there may be a couple of mistakes because English isn't my first language, I'm sorry if u find any)

———

  Amy woke up December 23nd to an overwhelming feeling of illness, something that was rare for her early in the morning. Dismissing it as nothing, she shook herself awake and walked towards the bathroom, careful not to wake up her dozing husband.  He had woken up much later that day, and he had followed her into the kitchen, wrapping his arms around her waist and whispering a soft greeting.

 “Hey Ames. Are you alright? You seem kinda down today.”

 “I’m alright. It’ll probably go away in a few hours.”

 She was often very stubborn in recognizing when she was sick, so Jake gave her a pointed look at that comment but continued on with their morning routine.

------------

 Later at work, that feeling returned, unrelenting and constant, that there was something she was missing, something she wasn’t realizing about the general state of unwellness that nearly made her puke when she caught a whiff of Boyle’s lunch that day.

Amy had also been lost in thought for most of that morning, staring at the Christmas lights outside the bullpen’s windows and going over her mental list of things she and Jake had to take to her parents’ house the next night for Nochebuena dinner.

However, around three in the afternoon, a deep voice startled her back in to reality: “Amy. Gina is looking for you. Says she has to tell you something."

 She only glanced at Rosa’s imposing presence above her: “What does she want now?”

“I have no clue. You can go ask her.” She answered shrugging and turning around. Hastily, Amy stood up and followed her to Gina, who was sitting in one of the break room couches smiling a crooked grin.

“Amy.” She uttered mischievously “I’ve been waiting for you.”

“What the hell do you want, Gina?”

“I want to ask you something. Have you been feeling well these past few days?”

“Uh… no.” Amy had to give it to her: Gina was very perceptive when she put her mind to it.

“And you puked a couple of mornings ago at work, didn’t you?”

“How the hell did you know that?” she exclaimed scandalized.

“You’re not half as subtle as you think you are, Santiago.” She responded and put that smile back on her face, dismissing her “It’s okay now. You can go.”

 Amy backed away, confused, but continued on with her day as usual, meeting Jake at the front door for the way back to their apartment. Everything went ahead as normal for the rest of the day, but as she sat in table having dinner with her husband, she thought about how she couldn’t quite shake the feeling that something was up.

------

Christmas Eve dawned bright and the soft tendrils of light coming from the window woke up Amy up, much later than she usually would, and without Jake to keep her warm beside her. She lifted herself off the bed and waddled into the kitchen where she could smell pancakes and coffee.

"Hey babe." Jake said, turning to look at her sweetly "Gina told me you weren't feeling so great yesterday, and it's Christmas Eve, so I thought you could use some cheering up. And coffee, coffee is important."

Amy stared at him like he put the stars in the sky as she quickly grabbed a plate: "I love you. I love you so much right now."

"I'm excited to see all your brothers again, you know." Jake said, swallowing a mouthful of pancake "I haven't seen most of them in a while, ever since after our wedding."

"They're probably excited to see you too, and the kids all love you, so you'll have fun and hopefully not fight with my parents too much."

"Hey! I never fight with your parents! I am a paragon of virtue, and I don't know why you would think otherwise." Jake exclaimed in his awful British accent, faking offense.

Amy raised her eyebrow at him and added honestly: "You've been trying to do the crosswords again, haven't you? I'm proud of you, babe."

That conversation set the tone for the whole day, turning it into a playful endeavour where they tried to join their not-so-great culinary abilities in order to create something decent for dinner that night, until the afternoon strated bleeding into the chilly winter night and they set off to Amy's childhood home in the outskirts of the city.

-----

"Arriving in the Santiago household had never been a quiet situation" Amy thought, as the Christmas Eve dinner was already in full blow, the sound of her nieces and nephews playing plus the chatter of their parents was almost deafening. She grabbed her husband's hand and together they walked into the dining room, armed with presents that had been bought months in advance and a giant dish of the best arroz guisado con frijoles they could manage.

Immediately after they walked in, Amy's brothers hugged them both but ushered Jake away from her quick, and he offered her one last comprehensive smile as she was left to her own devices to deal with her parents and a couple of her sisters-in-law, plus some of her oldest nieces and nephews, chattering and asking about her newlywed life.

"It's been good!" She explains fondly "Jake is wonderful, really, but we've always been one helluva team."

The evening continued on and it isn't until later, when her mother asks the dreaded question of when they are having children, that the other shoe finally drops.

"Oh." She mutters "That would make sense."

"Amy?" Asks Rachel, one of her sisters-in-law "What do you mean?"

"I think I might pregnant, even though I definitely shouldn't be. I haven't been feeling great these past few mornings a...and my period is definitely late."

There's something in her mother's eyes that Any doesn't quite recognize as she adds: "I think so, mija. But you'll have to check tomorrow, don't you?"

------

The next afternoon, during Christmas of all days of the year, Amy peed on a stick and jumpstarted probably one of the most tense five minutes of her life so far, minutes that bring about a wave of change so big and overwhelming that was both exhilarating and terrifying. When her time was up, she took courage and flipped the test so she could see the screen.

"Pregnant."

"Gina was right, wasn't she she?" Amy thought, and so she did about a thousand additional tests.

After all of the positive results, the truth dawned on her with an unimaginable certainty. There was a little person growing inside of her, a kid that was going to be half-her and half-Jake and who could have his curly hair and her dark eyes.

"Hey Jake!" She hollered "Come into the bathroom! I have something to show you!"

Her husband's head peeked into the doorway in a matter of seconds: "Hey, what's u-..."

When he saw the pregnancy tests, he stopped dead in his tracks: "Are they p... positive? Are you happy about it?"

"Yes. And also yes. I don't care if it disrupts our life calendar...I can't wait to meet our kid."

Jake kissed her tenderly: "I love you. And our kid. So much." He answered. There was something in the air that afternoon, the feeling of a wonderful beginning and of a thousand possibilities ahead.

[terramythos]

My reread commentary on October Daye #8, "The Winter Long" or "more shit goes down in this book than the first 7 combined, holy shit".

I apologize to anyone who reads these cause I literally hit the length limit on this post and had to pare it down lmao 

-Good start: Under the Acknowledgements section: "Everything I have done with October's world to this point has been for the sake of getting here". Sooo basically the first 7 books? Setup for this one. We're in for a Ride.

I want to emphasize some of the best meta foreshadowing I've seen:

FOR REFERENCE, Rosemary and Rue is the title of book 1. It's also the only book whose opening Shakespeare quote (from Hamlet) doesn't really match the title. If you know your Shakespeare, you probably would have caught that and figured out that it was from The Winter's Tale instead. Plenty of conclusions you can draw just from that. Since then the series has been chock full of hidden identities, and this book has two BIG ones coming into play. Foreshadowing was here from the very fucking beginning, and it is some next level shit. Very well done.

-If you skipped book 1 you are SO fucked, btw.

- we're going to great lengths to describe Sylvester's physical appearance. Gee I wonder why. I'm sure it's not relevant

- yes Sylvester has FOX COLORED HAIR and YELLOW EYES and his magic smells like DAFFODILS and DOGWOOD FLOWERS. He is Toby's LEIGE and FATHER FIGURE.

Me on a first read: oh it's just beginning book exposition, they all do this

Me on a second read: god fucking damn it

- toby: I should have known Sylvester would never disappoint me.

Me: oh sweetie. Oh honey.

- "He smelled like smoke and rotten oranges.

This man wasn't Sylvester Torquill."

Anyone who read book 1: OHSHIT.AVI

Welcome back, Simon! You know, Sylvester's evil twin? You know, the big bad (so far) of the series? The the one responsible for turning Toby into a fish for 14 years?

-Yet he seems kinda... off, huh? Comments about how he didnt know the spell would last 14 years, how he hates to upset October's mom, of all people? Whatever could he mean? :)))

-New toby power: spell reflection? Hell yeah? Also spell BREAKING, but to be fair she did do that one other time. In, you guessed it, book 1.

- "When I tried to picture Sylvester's face, I kept seeing Simon's instead" ow oof

- Simon calling Amandine "Amy", which we've established is an affectionate nickname (it being what, you know, THE LUIDAEG calls her). Why would Simon, of all people, call her that?

... oh.

-That sure explains a LOT, huh? That sure was set up... this whole time, huh?

-Little "fuck you" lines like "I didn't know Sylvester had a niece" in book 2. Talking about January. Well, uh, he has several actually! You're one of them!

-Explanation for why Sylvester had any inclination to be October's mentor... eventually becoming her liege and father figure... even giving her the Changeling's Choice (something family is supposed to do). It seems mighty convenient that a random noble was involved in the life of a changeling to such an extent. BUT, if he was her uncle, and knew his brother wouldn't step up? Well...

-This isn't even the biggest reveal of the book. Like, we're only a handful of chapters in and this bomb gets dropped.

-Sylvester, every 10 minutes: oh boy I cant wait to see my brother so I can like, completely eviscerate him!

Everyone else: uh,

- Tybalt: and here I thought I was going to have to ask Sylvester for his blessing. Now I technically have to ask SIMON?

Toby: uwotm8

Tybalt: oh god uhh I'm joking yeah uhh I'm just trying to distract you from all this stress :)) yeah (nailed it!)!

-And now we begin the "wow Sylvester is actually not a great person" slide. It's been hinted at that he's pretty unstable and has shitty priorities regarding people he cares about. But Toby glossed over a lot of it because she adored him. Welp.

- It's also an interesting aside that Etienne was kind of a dick to Toby for a reason in the earlier books. He legit thought she had been knighted because she was family, not that she had earned the post. And after the last few books he clearly knows now that that's not the case and they've actually become friends. That's interesting hidden character development.

- ok so The Gang finds out that Simon was telling the truth when he said turning Toby into a fish for 14 years was to save her. Because he had actually been hired to KILL her and didn't want to do it. So it was a loophole-- everyone thought she was dead, and then (as established in book 1) pretty much everyone forgot she existed until the spell broke.

-BUT Simon is bound by a geas (where have we seen that before) and cannot divulge his employer's name. But who had such a grudge against Toby and/or her mom to order a hit on her AND forcibly bind everyone to secrecy?

-who knows? Not toby. So they go to The Luidaeg to maybe get a lead, and she establishes right away that she is ALSO bound under a geas and can't say who did it. So we play some 20 questions, and then...

ULTRA DISTRESSING LUIDAEG LORE :((((

-additional: another month name just came into play. August. Toby's half sister, missing for a century. WHAT IS WITH THE MONTH NAMES

- "please don't mistake villainy for evil." That's an.. interesting quote re:Simon.

- Simon's way of protecting toby from the impending threat is "well maybe you turn into a tree for a few centuries but like. You're safe, right? Why are you mad?"

- The Luidaeg: *is straight up dead*

Toby: hey tybalt remember that time in book 2 when I Resurrected the Dead

Tybalt: yeah, it was fucking terrifying and I didnt speak to you for 6 months

Toby: *finger guns* guess whaaaaaat

-The Luidaeg: *says just. A bunch of Lore*

Toby: Luidaeg dont you dare drop that cryptic shit on me then pass out

Luidaeg: nap time

-"If you so much as whisper the first word of a transformation spell, I'll have your larynx in my hand before the second word can form." DAMN, Tybalt.

-Simon: I am VERY sorry for my bullshit earlier. I can't tell you who my employer is, but I CAN give you this BOUQUET of ICE COLD ROSES. Ice cold, like winter. Winter Roses, if you will. Yeah. Uh have a nice life, bye!

Everyone: well this sure is a mystery

-Simon is definitely a morally grey character. Has done really awful shit, is built up as a major villain... but turns out he had relatively little control over his actions. He does the wrong thing a lot but it's usually not for a truly evil end? If the context is to be believed he got stuck in the geas contract with Unnamed Employer to save his daughter, which explains the bad shit he did that we know of. Which then inadvertently kicked off like the whole series. He seems to genuinely care about Toby in a warped way? It would be so easy to write him off as an evil stepdad or whatever and there's plenty of canon to support that stance (she's an illegitimate CHANGELING child) but he seems like he wants to just be her dad. I hope we explore his character more, is what I'm saying.

-And not to keep rambling about it but Toby is an established unreliable narrator and a horrible (initial) judge of character. So it's not like this is an asspull or off base at all.

Twist of the fucking century here.

-You know... the character who set off the events of the series? The character who was murdered in book 1 and bound October to a geas forcing her to find the culprit or die? Evening fucking Winterrose?

-There were hints, most very subtle unlike the other big twists, but probably the biggest one is SHE NEVER SHOWS UP AS A NIGHT HAUNT. And they're in the story quite a bit, and they ALWAYS feature killed off characters. Except Evening.

-My favorite hints were the ones just piled in book 1. Comments like "no one knows who Evening really is" said with zero self awareness. Because we are actually about to find out who she is... 7 goddamn books later.

-dead meme but "surprise, bitch. Bet you thought you saw the last of me."

-God she's so awful lol

-Toby thinking Quentin died then calling him THE SON SHE NEVER HAD is a BIG OOF right to the HEART. ;-;

-The book also points out that The Luidaeg through the series has ALWAYS referred to Evening in present tense. Even though she "died" in book 1.

-The Luidaeg ALSO never refers to her as Evening. It's always "The Winterrose". You know, a title. Which we have heavily emphasized is something the Firstborn use in place of their true names.

*jazz hands* Surprise!

-We also (finally) have a canon explanation for the... rather remarkable coincidence that Quentin, the fucking Crown Prince (from TORONTO), is in San Francisco at all. It was always weird he got sent to Shadowed Hills, and it's been commented on multiple times... Evening arranged it, of course! For reasons we don't quite know. But as the Daoine Sidhe Firstborn, her descendants couldn't exactly say no. Even though they didn't know who she really was.

-We really are falling all over Firstborn in this series? It sure is.. an odd coincidence, huh?

We got:

The Luidaeg: Roane/Selkie

Amandine: Dochas Sidhe

Acacia: Blodynbryd

Evening: Daoine Sidhe

Blind Michael: ... uh actually I don't think we ever learn what race he's Firstborn of. All his "children" are kidnapping victims forcibly twisted into monsters. Well, except for Luna, but we only know the Blodynbryd side.

But it's weird that for being so rare that we've run into 5 of them in 8 books. There's gotta be a reason for it.. but what?

-Luna starts the series as Toby's Surrogate Mom and is now just straight up an enemy huh

-I made this observation in my book 1 notes, but I find it very interesting that all of Toby's initial friends and allies... aren't by this point. Whereas her current allies are either former enemies or people she initially disliked or distrusted.

Starter allies: Sylvester? Was lying to her the whole time. Luna? Pretty much tried to sacrifice her (+above). Evening? Uhh this whole damn book. Devin? Tried to kill her for personal gain. Lily/Connor? Both killed off for real.

Current allies: Tybalt? Literal former enemy turned lover. Quentin? Kind of a snotty, vaguely racist kid she whips into shape. The Luidaeg? Extremely powerful witch who Toby assumes is True Neutral and wouldn't hesitate to kill her. May? Literal personal walking death omen.

It's just a cool reversal. There's so much really excellent character development in this series and I love it.

-Simon still is a pretty major bastard but.. less outright mustache twirling evil than we were led to believe up to this book. You learn his Backstory and while it really doesn't justify his actions it does...explain them.

-Blink and you miss it Lore: August is missing because she entered a contract with the Luidaeg. She's holding the candle from book 3 :)))

I'm starting to realize I stan The Luidaeg so hard I just have to take a picture every time she shows up and does stuff lmfao. (Best character).

-But... nothing like your inconceivably ancient and powerful aunt suddenly owing you a life debt, I guess???

-Toby. You know, just an ordinary weak changeling who has somehow managed to KILL A FIRSTBORN and RAISE THE DEAD. yikes.

I'm just putting this here cause it's funny as shit. Tybalt really is just... a cat

This book: I heard you like distressing Luidaeg lore??

Me: oh thanks I don't need to feel things

-God Evening is awful. Like, if you didn't know that already, see above.

-It says something about The Luidaeg that despite all that shit their Firstborn did to her she ends up becoming such good friends with Quentin, a Daoine Sidhe?

-BIG LORE with The Luidaeg talking to Maeve??? And Maeve "responding" kind of? This series damn well better explore what the fuck happened to those three it's been built up all series

-Omg the showdown with Evening and The Luidaeg. And Toby managing to break free and realize she deserves so much more than Evening-- all without magic. And Simon showing up for a last minute redemption trying to hit Evening with elf shot? I mean he gets shot in the process, but...

-We now have like, 3 or 4 characters just... asleep indefinitely thanks to elf shot. that's gonna be a Thing isnt it. Rayseline, Evening, Simon, Arden's brother...

WE DID IT BOYS

-This is the last full one I've already read. Most of my reactions in 9-12 are gonna be new. So.

[sergeant-angels-trashcan]

Sailor Pluto: "I'm going to go be human for a while, see how they live." \ Pluto: [meets aliens on Earth] \ Pluto: Wait what. \ Noh-Varr, who somehow ended up talking to her at a bar, both assuming the other is a Real Human and trying not to act too weird: Hey, do you like close harmony girl groups? I've got some great vinyls at home if you want to hear some. \ Pluto, confused: Sure? \ Pluto, watching Noh dance half-naked to retro music: This was a mistake. \ Pluto: A REALLY HOT mistake.

lmao ok so i saw this right before I went to bed and thought about it while I couldn’t sleep and went “well, I never do anything but super niche things anyway so why not”

because like. first of all, correct, I truly believe Sailor Pluto (especially before she actually comes to Earth for realz) has the same level of human behavior comprehension as Noh (which is to say, if they actually put effort into it, a lot, but who wants to put effort into it?), but i think she’s way more likely to wind up accidentally dating Sif and/or Valkyrie

BUT upon further consideration I decided that the Senshi would super love Noh. Think about it: he’s super strong, hard to freak out, and eats anything. The girls can work on their cooking skills at all the terrible food experiments will not go to waste because he will still eat them. 

I’m seeing Noh meeting them post-canon, so while they’re in college or out of it, but I could also see Usagi running into him as a high schooler and just yelling “NOH PLEASE EAT MY TEST I GOT A 45 ON IT”

“SURE THING KID.”

but anyway.

I actually…think…that in suggesting this AU, how dare you, that I’ve found the PERFECT girlfriend for Noh! 

And I wish I could say “oh it’s Rei or Mako” but like. Noh really goes for the fighty girls and it doesn’t work out well for him, does it? And he and Usagi are the bro-est of bros

So like. Power couple Noh and Ami.

One of Ami’s defining traits is her compassion and understanding, and there haven’t been a lot of people like that in Noh’s life. Someone patient enough to sit down and say “okay, that was a terrible decision. Why did you make that choice?” I think Ami would really get the “he is literally an alien so he doesn’t get some of this stuff” and the Senshi have dealt with aliens who don’t get Human Stuff before so it’s not like this is a conversation Ami’s never had before.

She’s outside the Marvel Universe, so she doesn’t think of him as “that guy who betrayed us” or “the guy who set fire to New York” but she’s a Sailor Scout, a superhero in her own right, so she’s not going to get freaked out by his superhero stuff. Probably just really curious. (He introduces her to Dr. Strange so she can talk about balancing a medical career and a superhero one only to find that Strange truly has no advice for her, and also his fridge is full of snakes, but she also meets Loki, who talks to her about magic/science overlap and then takes her out dress shopping and maybe to case a bank for a robbery??? Ami is still not sure)

I don’t see Ami as being super interested in sex (I don’t think she’s opposed to the idea of it, it’s just not a priority for her) which I feel like…is maybe a relief for Noh? He has to worry less about mind control saliva (”Noh could I do a cheek swab? For…science.”) and let’s be honest Noh has had a lot of people doing horrible experimenty things to his body so  it might be nice for him to have a relationship that was primarily mental and emotional than physical, at least to start with. (They are super cuddly, though. All the time cuddles.)

And having a doctor or medical student in the Young Avengers extended family is really useful because Ami just sighs and goes “Hawkeye-chan, why are you covered in shark bites.” (and before someone comes to me like “I don’t think she’d use -chan in this situation”, you are probably right but when you’re bandaging up someone’s 26 sharkbites because they won’t go to a hospital after invasion of landsharks and you’re too polite to call them an idiot, what else is she gonna call Kate? This is the third time this has happened, and Ami has no frame of reference for this)

Noh has a spaceship that he and Ami tear apart and improve tech stuff on. AMI LOVES COMPUTERS. Noh is smart, even if he doesn’t always act that way, so he can keep up with Ami, mentally, which is really nice. He can also keep up with the Sailor Scouts if they need an extra hand. He’s diffused at least two conflicts by invoking Dreamgirls? They’re all still really confused about how that worked.

….also you will be hard pressed to convince me that Noh doesn’t play music while Magical Girl Transformations are happening. From an old skool boombox, for the Aesthetic.

Noh: Did you guys need someone killed? i can do that.Ami: we try not to kill people, Noh.Noh: but sometimes. you gotta.

Not to mention–Ami is a calming influence, and hanging out with Rei and doing Spiritual Exercises with her has helped him control his anger so when he gets mad it’s more controllable? And it manifests more it being really protective of Ami (not when she’s a Scout. She’s fine as a Scout. Noh and Tuxedo Mask are the Sailor Scouts traveling cheering section) but at parties or mixers or whatever when Ami is Really Polite and doesn’t call people on interrupting her and Noh will just go “EXCUSE ME, AMI WAS SPEAKING IT’S VERY RUDE TO INTERRUPT.” followed by. the most terrifying glare. 

Noh is a Supportive Boyfriend. (he’s been working on it). He’s trying to be more attuned to Human Things so he reminds Ami when she needs to sleep or eat or that studies show a thirty minute break of dancing to motown for every two hours of studying improves information retention. Ami never had impromptu dance parties before Noh and now she has them all the time. And…they do help her maintain focus.

Noh went through her entire apartment building during finals and threatened bodily harm to anyone who disturbed the peace and at least three little old ladies laughed at him and gave him food to take back to Ami. He’s losing his edge.

idk man I just feel like they’d help one another grow as people–Noh in becoming more aware of how his actions affect others and thinking before he makes terrible choices and getting better at asking for help, and Ami in being a little more impulsive and self-indulgent. Neither of them do a complete 180 or anything but just…a bit more balance.

Ami, I think, really and truly does see people for the good and bad in them, but focuses on the good, and again...I think someone who believes that Noh is fundamentally good and not a screwup--or that his screw-ups don’t define him--would be a game changer. Ami very, very secretly thinks about Noh’s white hair and his spaceship and his flying boots and thinks her boyfriend is kinda an angel, and even though she never says that, Noh can sense it, you know? He knows Ami believes in him. She holds him to a high standard, and by god, he wants to exceed it.

Also? Noh helping Ami study, using her legs as a pillow while she plays with his hair

[cvenir]

here i am to introduce EIGHT characters that i actually thought i had already introduced lmao set me on fire !! but yay, take a look under the cut! ofc eventually proper bios will hit my pages and their tasks will expand much more on my children! as always, pinterests and songs are linked if u wanna go a lil deeper

just kidding i drafted that when i was aCTUALLY gonna do 8 but thankfully tea says she won’t accept me until i post 2 intros so yOU SHALL RECEIVE 2 RN and 8 later <33333 gotta keep y’all on your toes heh also i wrote niall’s in my journal on the plane so like... it’s not great (literally just bullets of sentence fragments) but wtvr that’s what bios are for amirite

NIALL O'DONOGHUE looks an awful lot like TARON EGERTON. HE is TWENTY-EIGHT and while they're ASTUTE, they have a tendency to get pretty ARDUOUS. You’ve probably seen them around Kola listening to DON'T WANNA FALL IN LOVE by KYLE (ok his pinterest is incredibly unfinished look away)

v conflicting mix of soft and hard

king of suppressing his lowkey intense feelings

kinda awkward around others due to the fact that he spent his entire life reading, writing, and studying –– he rarely interacted with other people as a kid and this mostly continued into his adult life

sweet soft boi has a double masters in medieval and renaissance studies and french and romance philology; he’s working on his phd rn while interviewing to become an assistant professor at kola university

grew up w a single mom (never knew dad) and had no siblings so his childhood was even lonelier :////

so like mad libs = his bff :’(

well mad libs and the shoulder flashlight he invented for late night reading (shoutout to amy santiago)

v soft and passionate heart

loves intellectual discussions like my boi has v strong gemini/virgo/mercury influences –– and a libra (or taurus i haven’t decided yet) venus so waTCH OUT

takes friendship v seriously (love u grant <333 @mcnuggcts )

buttt he can be a giant asshole sorry i don’t make the rules

v organized and particular

and scared of getting close to people bc he’s so used to being alone ugh my son!!

but once you get in there you’ll see he’s a good guy like rlly is he just has a bad temper sometimes and can barely express any emotion but anger half the time :///

ISLA VARGA looks an awful lot like ALEXIS REN. SHE is TWENTY-TWO and while they're SAGACIOUS, they have a tendency to get pretty MACABRE. You’ve probably seen them around Kola listening to COOL GIRL by TOVE LO. 

so i’ve played isla before n i’m v sorry to do this but i feel hella lazy so i’m sORRY but here comes a fucking huge wall of text don’t look at me and don’t feel like u have to read it ://// all the triggers i tagged apply to her; she’s p dark so seriously do not read it if you think she will make you uncomfortable!!

to preface, isla is like the embodiment of all of the seven deadly sins, and i molded her a lot after amy dunne (scary, i know) and april ludgate (mostly amy tho april is just deadpan like she is –– when she’s being herself, that is), as she is an incredible pococurante yet perfectionist who borders on sociopathy

soooo this will make sense later but her real name is actually brigid (father’s surname idk) which she now uses as her middle name

so isla’s dad is a fucking rockstar !!! badass right. she’s half-siblings with hadley ( @ofadorations ) and colby ( @shtbgs ) but she actually never met her mom, something she’s not too pressed about

bc she was cute as a button, family friends decided to get her into the entertainment business as a child star almost as soon as she could walk –– she did it all, acted, modeled, danced, sang, she was literally hollywood’s little starlet and she hated every minute of it. the entertainment business loved who they created, but that girl was never her and it weighed deeply on her psyche.

when she was twelve, she decided to fake her own disappearance because she was fed up with everything –– she cut her hair to her ears, dyed it brown (and has continued to do so ever since) and sneaked her way to nyc hoping no one would recognize her

well someone did, and they happened to be a member of ruthless and organized mobs of the city –– in return for keeping her concealed, she pledged her devotion and became one of their most skilled and lethal honeytraps in the business (WHICH IS ABSOLUTELY TERRIBLE BC THEY MADE HER START YOUNG I AM SO SORRY FOR WRITING THIS IT JUST PLAYS HEAVILY INTO HER CHARACTER)

along the way, members inevitably died –– people she was sworn to care for –– many times before her eyes as well, which only lead her to realize she enjoyed witnessing all sorts of death, even those of people she was supposed to “love”. emotion was almost nonexistent in isla’s childhood, a trait that bled into her character development.

she began to idolize the gang and its power, something she now craved. still, isla was doing a great job of portraying herself to those around her as a rosy, meek, baby-doll, when in actuality she was a child full of hate who would soon blossom into a young adult of the same tone. she became even more obsessed with death, fantasizing about it as if her unusual thoughts would make her less afraid when it came for her. 

eventually, as she grew older, she was accepted into the higher ranks of the mob; this couldn’t have made isla more content. the macabre girl was honored that someone else noticed her genius, the way she could predict things, assess situations, manipulate people to do her bidding. it was only right that she was initiated into a society that praised her for such harshness

but, as all things do, her time in the gang ended after ten years and isla did what she does best: disappeared. she’s relocated back close to home, kola california, and it’s only a matter of time before people and the industry realize just who she is

if she’s acting like her true self, she behaves like a negative, eldritch layabout who likes to watch others suffer (sounds extreme, i know). however, she rarely lets anyone see the real her, and instead accepts various facades in a big game –– the darkness is truly her personality, she’s not faking her cold demeanor. this image enables her to mask her true potential and the fact that she is unflaggingly loyal and cares about those she’s close to.

if i had to give her a label, it would probably be the pococurante (which is defined as: an indifferent person. possibly they’re bored, jaded or even been hurt. either way, they tend not to get attached to things and don’t show much enthusiasm, whether that’s on the outside or the inside, too)

on the other hand, she could be accurately summed up as an arcane, as she’s an enigmatic mystery and she prides herself on being a puzzle that several people have failed to solve. there are many sides to her personality; in some aspects, she’s very much an aesthete considering she spends a great deal of her time taking putting together outfits, so she has a very defined fashion sense and typically dresses like a princess half the time, which is very ironic considering her dark personality. she truly is so GLAMOROUS (and this is why i love alexis for her) and she works that mean girl, hard soul aesthetic while serving looks and also able to come across as incredibly sweet, which is perfect for her multiple personas. she’s a stunner, with both her appearance and personality; as much as she is indifferent and would prefer to fly under the radar, wherever she goes people always want to ask questions, making her into this intangible concept that everyone wants to define.

people will recognize parts of her as if they’ve seen here in another life, and because of her ostentatious, puzzling, and spellbinding personality, she’s unforgettable. on the other hand, she’s also something of a virago, due to the fact that she can be incredibly feisty when angered; but it takes quite a lot to actually set off her fuse, as she’s good at controlling which emotions she shares. for the most part, she is incredibly blasé and even-tempered. additionally, she’s is a bit of a picaro because her primary aim with her life at this point is to be independent and liberated from any and all attachments to other people. mostly, though, she’s is nothing more than a girl who’s afraid; of what, she still can’t decide.

all in all, she’s so much of everything that she isn’t quite certain of her own identity. her character is one shrouded in secrets and shadows yet alluring and sensual. but, lbr, most of all she’s just deadass terrifying. one of her defining characteristics is her desire to make things happen for her through her own abilities and determination. obstinate as all get out, she doesn’t like to own up to making mistakes so she tries to prove that she’s almost invincible to them bc she doesn’t wanna let anyone see her vulnerable, or she doesn’t want to let someone down - this refers only to those that she’s actually close to. due to her apathetic nature, all she really wants to do is let most people down – people she finds boring and useless – and have some fun because of it. however, when it comes to people she truly has allowed herself to care about, her deepest desire is for their happiness because they must be pretty damn special for making her give a shit.

still, because of her evasive tendencies, she almost always does ruin things for herself and for others, even when she actually cares. she’s like a double-edged sword; when she finds something worthwhile, she sees so much beauty and potential in it, but she’s got a midas touch. whenever she wants to obtain it or pursue it, her involvement makes everything fall to ashes, and she is afraid of her own influence. despite her tendency to run away, once she latches on and decides to be truly loyal, she’ll be devoted in such an extent that she would undoubtedly kill for them.

she can be a loudmouth whenever she actually decides to speak, constantly fabricating outlandish stories and even going off like a deranged person, but beneath her caustic and frightening exterior, isla is rather pensive. on the occasion that she chooses to offer legitimate advice, it’s usually very elaborate and composed. still, she doesn’t want people to know about capable she is, or how intelligent she can be, so she hides her rare brilliance with a tough exterior and stoic personality.

idk if you can tell but i like diving into the specifics of my character like their star signs and stuff so i searched an amy dunne mbti and tweaked it bc it really helped describe her even further! she’s a intj !

introverted intuition (ni): isla sees everything around her in a world of symbols, of metaphors, and of potential. her narration will continually be littered with predictions, with ideas about how things are going to be and what will result from this or that. despite her brashness that some may assume is impulsivity, she is a planner, anticipating new “problems” and seeking to rectify them with her own twisted brand of justice. she tries to work everything into her overall system of understanding, of her big ideas about how the world works, including her take on her various false identities she possesses for her previous job as an escort but also to mess with the minds of others around her. she’s always disappointed by how the real world is never as good as the way she imagined it; she is perfect and nothing else can catch up with her expectations.

extroverted feeling (fe): despite her aloofness, and rather lack of any sort of emotional bearing, empathy, or any sort of true feeling, isla is conscious of how others’ perceive her, of the image she’s created, and of how key that social perception is to her success, even if it’s just in her own imagination. she restrains her real opinions in order to adapt to her environment, as she’s somewhat of a chameleon, only a few have had a chance to catch the true witch beneath the crown. she’s the mistress of change, easily altering her identities in order to better fit in with new people, should the situation require it. she’s easily devastated when she reveals her real personality to others, as in the past, some that she’s left truly see her have refused to accept her twisted true-self. even though she is wholesomely selfish and self-seeking, isla is very people-focused, and applies most of her intellect and analysis onto general people-based functions, that may she can have the confidence that she has clearly manipulated and analyzed every aspect of her environment, as she needs this to feel in control.

introverted thinking (ti): as mentioned, isla is highly analytical, always trying to see the why of a scenario, what’s behind human behavior, which turns her attention to psychology and manifests in her flair for anticipating the thoughts and actions of those around her; she is so obsessed with understanding why people tick that she looks past her own slighted judgment, as she herself could easily qualify as a sociopath/psychopath. she’s always trying to fit in any new experience, or piece of information, into her pre-established system of facts, and as such is rarely ever surprised. despite her apathy and lack of care for her life or how it progresses, she’s highly organized and loves to make checklists, arrangements for the future, and methodically ticks of her obligations, one by one. while her emotions and feelings are significantly suppressed, and even nonexistent, she makes up for that human trait with a very powerful mind, one that is quick to learn and adept with languages, memorization, and logic. however, she doesn’t want anyone to know just how brilliant and quick she is, as it’s her greatest asset, thus explaining why she chose not to be a member on the intellectual team.

extroverted sensing (se): isla tends to respond her physical environment with fierce analysis, as expressed in her intellectual capabilities. she’s almost incapable of living in the moment, contrary to how people suspect she is, considering she portrays herself as impulsive and cunningly excitable. in reality, though, even when she’s crossed off everything on her checklist, she’s almost incapable of relaxing, or enjoying the world around her, as she doesn’t find things that other people find beautiful. she struggles the most with the physical side of her plans, even though she is a very physical individual. she is very open with her body and indulges with the lusts of the flesh, as she sensuality is at the same level as her wickedness. along with this, isla craves for the environment that houses her figure to be pleasant and organized, and can’t stand when things are out of order.

[ruffolive]

92 TRUTHS TAG

RULES: Once you’ve been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 92 truths about you. at the end choose 25 people to be tagged (IM NOT GONNA DO THAT BUT TYSM)

tagged by @fawnofyou​ !!

LAST:

drink: instant coffee cause i dont have a coffemaker but i need it to live

phone call: oh jeez!! my friend Amy we were talking about homework

text message: lol also Amy cause she was stressed out

song you listened to: Spoonman by Soundgarden cause im doing a report 

time you cried: last night I cried over @lesbianwario​ ‘s taz fic but uhh a few days before that I got emotional about, well, taz

HAVE YOU EVER:

dated someone twice: fuck no and i would never

been cheated on: better not have been!!! dont think so

kissed someone and regretted it: yeah more than twice

lost someone special: yeah who hasn’t honestly

been depressed: since 10th grade babey!!!!!!

been drunk and thrown up: no ive never actually been Drunk drunk lmao

IN THE PAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

made a new friend: YES ive got LOTS of new friends on here (and YES i talk to them sshh theyre real) as well as new ones from college! 

fallen out of love: yeah i uh [astrology voice] aquarius in venus. but real talk yeah i have. i dont know why and i dont like it

met someone who changed you: probably! couldn’t pin it down I don’t think

laughed until you cried: all the time! I laugh a lot & hard

found out who your true friends are: haven’t had to. 

found out someone was talking about you: im terrified of that! lol

GENERAL:

how many people on tumblr do you know in real life?: uhh lemme think. 8 or 9 people honestly

do you have any pets?: I have a dog at home, she’s an old lady, her name is Pixie!

do you want to change your name?: I used to want to very badly. Now I think I’m doing alright with Olivia. 

what time did you wake up this morning: hhghhgh 6 AM

what were you doing last night: played UNO online and was working on my report lol....not studying

name something you cannot wait for: IMPROV CLUB TONIGHT!! also living with no roommates someday!

have you ever talked to a person named tom?: mdfhgjkjhs; what is this question?? probably??? 

what’s getting on your nerves right now: i have so much to do but yknow ya girls not gonna do all of it. ill do some of it tho i promise

blood type: A+ to no one’s surprised

nickname: Ollie

relationship status: single and hhh i dont really want a serious relationship for a while but i DO love intimacy :/ and id love a fwb hjdsgfjkjgjkhdkljkhjg

zodiac sign: cap sun, pisces moon, cap rising

pronouns: she/her but they/them is cool too

favorite show: right now it’s The Good Place, I don’t watch much TV

college: yeah, I’m an English Major!

hair color: dark brown

do you have a crush on someone: god. its so dumb. internet crushes are a mistake i cant get anything out of it even if they did like me back

what do you like about yourself: I get along with people really easily and I’m friendly!

FIRSTS:

first surgery: never!

first piercing: lobes i guess?? theyre closed though

first sport you joined: I did five-pitch first but i did soccer for FOREVER i love soccer

first vacation: when I was like 2 my parents went to Italy with me I don’t really know why or how

first pair of sneakers: HOW WOULD I KNOW THIS i do remember in middle school i had ed hardy sneakers

RIGHT NOW:

eating: nothing but thats boutta change, i might make some eggs

drinking: i uhh should get some water

i’m about to: ugh i dont know. clean my room and do dishes and stuff

listening to: ......critrole......

want kids: no. i dont want that kind of responsibility 

get married: i really dont want to 

career: oooh i want to be a writer for video games. like a good one. but who knows

WHICH IS BETTER:

lips or eyes: eyes...but lips r good too

hugs or kisses: HUGS. kisses r super nice but i want to hug constantly

shorter or taller: TALL IS GOOD....but short is good too.....dshjgjh

troublemaker or hesitant: oh troublemaker. hesitant is easier to befriend/etc. but troublemaker uhhh cool

older or younger: hm older based on my last like 3 crushes god

romantic or spontaneous: i guess spontaneous, romantic gestures are sweet but make me uncomfortable

sensitive or loud: GOD I DUNNO why not both....

hookup or relationship : hookup......

HAVE YOU EVER:

kissed a stranger: nope. someday

drank hard liquor: mmm yep

lost contacts/glasses: not for a LONG time im constantly wearing em

sex on first date: i..............have.................but they were fwb does that....count...

broken someone’s heart: I have. There wasn’t anything else I could do though

been arrested: nope

turned someone down: hhggjhjgghjgjh yeah im really bad at it. there were times i should have turned people down and didnt

fallen for a friend: oh lots, im an idiot

DO YOU BELIEVE:

in yourself: i don’t know right now! 

miracles: sure

love at first sight: other people, yeah?

TAGGING: 

@unhiptube3 @lesbianwario @fanggots @transtoddbrotzman @palomabae-th and anyone else that wants to!

[survivor-tierradelfuego]

Ep. 6: “I hate this slow death” - Pedro

Pedro A

im ready for revenge

Ryan

Everything about that tribal was... not great. I am not a fan of my new tribe, Amy betrayed me and Alan's mullet is starting to annoy me lmao. Might have to go with the hanuha peeps

Najwah

I was looking forward to a tribe swap because I was on the outs of my last tribe but this is literally my worst nightmare. We are outnumbered. So automatically if we went to tribal either James or I would be voted out. Also, the ONE person on my old tribe that I've never spoken to. James. I have zero relationship with him at all. In fact, I don't trust him at all. So this is going to be difficult. Best I can do is get to know the other people. Awesome plus is that two other members are from other parts of the world too so I can talk to people during day hours. Haha. Urgh hopefully we win our next challenge and the ones after that. James isn't really a good team player. He's very technical and I suspect he has the jewelery box. So yeah, let's se how this goes. I only have one goal right now and that is to make it to merge. That's it. Pedro A

i honestly will tell all the alliences kalle has..if we lose the challenge

Alan B

I lost all my friends in the swap!!! Im so scared 

James Hayden

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rOoHPa38woQ&feature=youtu.be

James Hayden

Ryan messaged Naj and I saying he and Amy had a falling out, but reconnected with her and is iffy about Alan. Based on old Maola’s round 5 tribal, it appears that Alan is on the outs. Amy messaged Naj saying that she’s happy someone from Africa is also on the tribe. If Naj can pull in Amy and I can pull Ryan then we have a 4-1 over Alan. But I don’t know if that’s the best move. If we vote Alan out, then Palena consists of 2 original Hanuha and 2 original Maola. If we go back to tribal, then we probably deadlock and I’m NOT letting a challenge decide my fate in this game. If we bring in Alan, then we have their vote the three of us can vote out Amy and Ryan, have the numbers on the tribe, and go into the merge three strong. I can offer Alan a spot in F6 w/ Jess or they can be voted out pre-merge because it seems that Ryan, and maybe Amy, are willing to vote them out. In the words of Rory Freeman," I think I found my little crack.” I just need to talk to Naj and see what she thinks about this. 

Ryan

I’m bitter as hell. I really wanna make my teammates regret not getting rid of me over John 

Zack M

oop- i should have confessed earlier but like i decided to drink and watch the strangers with my roommates because we don't have a challenge tomorrow. love a night off. but i remembered just now so let me try to recap what happened today..... WE SWITCHED TRIBES. thank god i stepped up as the hanuha (i never know if i'm spelling that correctly and i'm too lazy to check) leader. yes, i volunteered but let's be honest i was the leader regardless. maddison from the other tribe and i did a school yard pick for new tribes. i was really hoping that maddison was going to be available because najwah was hardcore online stalking the other tribe and found out she is a big katy perry fan. i happened to have met katy at a party and she took my phone to take a photo of us. i was totally going to lie and say she was one of my artists and i would get maddison a personalized signed record of her upcoming album if she kept me safe. soooooooooooo if maddison sticks around keep an eye out for that move. putting it in my back pocket for now. no one is safe with me. lol. anyways, this couldn't have worked out better for me. i got ben and cody which are each my final 2 but also we're in a final 3 together. what? i know! i needed this good luck. i feel bad because i don't have sarah and james but i couldn't get everyone from my top 5 alliance. i also feel bad because i had a really great conversation with najwah today and i absolutely love her. however, she was ready to work with new people so i hope she finds peace with the new tribe she is on. i also hope she works with james and doesn't fuck him over so we can all be reunited at the merge. praying for you james because i know she is ready to switch it up. i chose pedro and kalle from the other tribes for specific reasons. pedro beat me at the flag challenge. i felt like this would give us common ground to create a relationship. i also chose kalle because she was the one that ben was talking to last night when we struck a deal with the immunity challenge. RELATIONSHIPS. i'm playing a very social game so i want to make sure i'm in everyone's head. side note: can i say how happy i am that john was voted off tonight. i know he wasn't on my tribe but that bio / the way he acted last night when i was trying to strike a deal was so cocky. he would have been my #1 target if we moved into this round with him. like i was debating getting him on my team and purposefully losing to vote him out and get the numbers up for my original tribe. kind of bummed when i didn't see his name on the list. sorry dude ... but not really. easier for me. things at the new hanuha are weird. obviously ben, cody, and i are close. as far as i know none of us have messaged the others individually and none of them have messaged us. again, cody is a wild card. i love him but i just do not trust that kid. hopefully everyone is telling the truth. i want to reach out to pedro but i don't want to come off too strong yet. not making the same mistakes as you john. my goal this entire time (well since i decided this was a legit game and i would stick around) was just to make it to the merge and now i see the finish line. i don't know if i'm going to have the ability to stay after. i'm a huge threat. let's be honest. i don't know the other tribe but if they are playing the quiet game that i think they are then i'm the last person in this game SO FAR who has made big moves and gotten away with it. i think it is obvious to everyone. pedro even mentioned neil tonight which was HELLA strange. like did neil reach out to him? were they close before? WTF IS NEILS REACH?! this is why i will not allow another pisces in this game. if they have the numbers at the merge and they don't vote me out then they are really playing the worst game possible. im READY to really play and i'm sooooooo ready to stop playing a game for the tribe and start playing the game for me. HERE FOR SOLO IMMUNITY CHALLENGES. i've shown that i'm a comp beast ... once i understand the rules. but our tribe has been quiet tonight. i'm not sure what to do to spark conversation with the newbies. one day at a time. i would suggest throwing this challenge to get one of them out but ben is in school for tv / film and feels confident in his editing skills. i would like him to have a moment to shine and i would never take that away from him. i do have to say out of everyone i've met in this game so far that i appreciate ben the most. he is definitely stiff competition and if one person is going to beat me then he absolutely deserves it! everyone else i've met is floating in my opinion. that's all she wrote.

Pedro A

im honestly sooo doneeeeee.....first John......now im on the bottom.....im honestly so done....if the idol hunt doesnt work, ...idk what will happen

Pedro A

the 3 people that are in the tribe with me and kalle are inseparable...there is no cracks what so ever..lets just hope we win every challenge

Pedro A

honestly im just gonna try to be nº4 on this tribe...and hope we just lose once

Pedro A

guess what bitchessss.....my unlucky ass got nothing in the idol search....WE LOVE TO SEE IT..........honestly not suprised..luck hasnt been on my side...i hate this slow death

Pedro A

But if you close your eyes

Does it almost feel like Nothing changed at all? And if you close your eyes Does it almost feel like You've been here before? How am I gonna be an optimist about this?

Pedro A

okay so im creating a graphic ..that explains the routes in the idol search...that me and kalle have done..so we can know where not to go. I also completed it with the info that john once told...rip john....lets hope we find something

Ryan

Ultimately, I am very sad hearing about what Alan is going through. But I am only slightly thankful for them making this decision, as it means I wouldn't have had to blindside Amy next time we go to tribal

Sarah

This new Maola tribe is like night and day difference compared to my old Hanuha tribe. This tribe is so quiet! I’m not used to not having over 100 unread messages in a day... Aimee and I are definitely down in numbers on this tribe and I get the feeling that the three former Maola tribe members are pretty tight so I am hoping we win this immunity! Ideally, if we did go to tribal I would want to work with Aimee and pull someone else in but if that won’t work then I could vote out Aimee since ya know she wrote my name down. But Aimee really is a great human and I would be down to work with her. 

James Hayden

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dbm4Ei7thuo&feature=youtu.be

AMY A

Tribe swap! I was unfortunately put in the tribe of people no one chose and that bummed me out for a few hot seconds but I also realized that out of a tribe of five, there's three internationals and one gender non-conforming person so maybe its just that people just cannot relate with us as well as  with Americans. That asiude, this tribe seems to be the right mix. I feel like this challenge was MADE for us cos we can totally milk the culture thing. If Najwah is able to put the videos together well, there is no way we wouldn't win outright. In the event of us losing, Alan has already suggested wanting to get out for mental health reasons so that would be an easy vote. All in all, I feel safe (knock on wood) for this round.

Ryan

I feel like I'm really settling into my groove in this new tribe. We really get on and we really all try our best (my last tribe did too but this one's just kinda special idk)

Zack M

i can't remember if i've confessed or not. i wish there was a way that i could read what i previously wrote. well i'm on a team with cody and ben with pedro and kalle from the other tribe. pedro is a little hard to read but i like him. kalle says he is hardcore searching for the idol though. she also shared that she believe grae and alan have the idol from the other tribe. so if they haven't used it by merge, they will be my #1 targets. i don't really have much to say. we made a video for the music video challenge. i sent a few notes to ben. hopefully he listens and corrects them because i don't know how tough the judges are going to be but there were definitely moments that could be cleaned up / better footage that could have been used. look it's hard for me to put my game in someone else's hands and that's what i feel like i'm doing right now. i wish i would have volunteered to edit but this is what he wanted to do so i'm going to respect that. i did get a reward because i was chosen as team leader. i was able to talk to past players who drafted me. i was honestly so stoked to chat with them and tell them what's been going on in my game. however, it seemed to be an inside joke reunion for them and i didn't really get anything out of it to be honest. it's like cool, you've sat on Skype for a crazy amount of time as well. love that for you. NOW HELP ME. but whatever. if i lose, they lose also. i guess i'll probably update again when i find out if we won the music video challenge or not. party.

Pedro A

Omg I hope we win this challenge.....I'm so scared...chilllleee..if we lose ..I already lost my one life lol

Ryan

We are not mad at Alan sending themself home. It'll be sad to see them gone, but it means I can get rid of them without having to worry about souring my relationships with old Maora

Olivia A

I feel really good about this new tribe and am really glad that we were able to keep 3/4 of my original alliance (Maddison, Grae, and me). Since we didn’t lose this challenge I think the 3 (and hopefully 4 if Kalle doesn’t get voted out) of us can stay strong to the merge and through the rest of the game. :) 

Maddison

Tribe swap played out as well as I could have hoped. I hope my original alliance members stay strong and we can make the merge as a strong three.

Aimee

Oh! I am having so much fun with my new Maola tribe! I think we vibe really well together. 😘🌈💜

Zack M

WE WON. omg thank god. the other videos were cute. reality: all three videos were tragic in my opinion but i'm a perfectionist. it's a win i'll gladly take. the scores were all positive except from ellie. ellie is really not a fan of the music video challenge and it shows from the bio / scores. we were better than 6 7 8 and 9s. shout out to the person that gave us straight 10s. WHAT WE DESERVED. tribal has also happened. super sad to see that alan asked to leave the game. i do find it wild because kalle shared that she believed alan had the immunity idol. this gives james and najwah a chance to continue on though and i'm so happy for them! low key hope they lose again because i feel like it would be easier for them to convince one person to vote with them. idk. also, i just think james has the idol so i don't mind him taking a hit if he can come back from it. we are currently waiting on a new challenge. not excited. was ready for a night off! but LETS GO.

James Hayden

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HsBK4PSENrQ

Najwah

Soooo last time I did this I don't think I was aware, that the tribe swap was a school yard pick. Dunno can't remember. Tbh I am re-annoyed that when Jay asked who volunteers, I was busy typing, but Zack once again took it. Do I feel bad about not being chosen by Zack when he was decompressing with me for a whole half an hour before it all happened? He was venting and anxious. He probably had his reasons. Well done for choosing a videograoher on his team too. Does it feel weird being part of the leftovers? Sure. As a POC it's difficult not to see that the non white people, person who stutters and young guy were not chosen by the leaders. I'm not sure why Alan wasn't chosen, probably because they were the hosts sibling? But yes, the innate racism, ableism and ageism was definitely apparent. Personally, I think a randomizer should be used. And people would call this exaggeration or trying to play the victim/being salty but if you're a POC and have experienced this kind of thing for 30+ years, you just see things for what they are. Anyway, on the plus side being on a group of misfits means that no one has alliances. Everyone is just genuinely nice. Wow. What a breeze. I started bonding with James more. I like this tribe. I feel less stressed on this tribe. Perhaps it's that we are all on different timezones so we all talk at different times, which I like. Perhaps it's because there are way less people lol. Do I feel discouraged though? Yes. I don't think we will win immunity. We are all too out of sync. 

Najwah

The music video challenge was fun. Not the best song choice tbh. I wanted to do Journeys don't stop believing because we were a bunch of misfits and I've been binge rewatching Glee again after Naya's death. Being a POC bi woman, that death affected me a lot last week. And Mr Shue is right. Journey is great. Anyway. I loved all the snippets and how much effort everyone put into the videos. It took me a long time. Like 8 hours to edit all of THAT, coz I did it in Vegas Pro instead of TikTok or a phone app like we should have done ugh why am I stupid. so I was sad when we didn't even place, but also Alan gifted me an immunity idol before they left and I was so overwhelmed I literally CRIED.  I miss Cody. I miss Leanne. People I could actually talk to about these things lollll. I guess we just have to try our best to win tonight. Our team is so out of sync though I don't see that happening. But we will try our best I guess. Last time we won an immunity challenge I prayed to God that we win. I think i will do that again. I think God likes survivor. 

Najwah

I need to make a disclaimer. I'm not unhappy about anything. I'm not salty about anything. I'm not upset or being complain-y. I'm just making observations. I am still really happy about this game, being able to play in it and being able to get to know people I wouldn't have crossed paths with in my wildest dreams.

[lorelaigilmoure]

i’ve started watching tww in march and went on hiatus in april. i was really looking forward to live blog (like i do now) and to share my thoughts about the show, but school and hiatus got in the way. i wanted to stay off tumblr but at the same time i wanted y’all to know how i feel about the show, so i decided to write down my thoughts in a word document and to share it with you when i’m back.

so if you’re curious, how this show ruined me and why i love it and if you have the patience and time, feel free to read this live blogging(?) mess:

omg this is too much. I can’t take this whole ms plotline. wth????? jed and charlie having the conversation. I have tears in my eyes. this is tooooo much. FRACK.

BRING IT ON.  YEAH.

No mrs landingham noooo. why.???? this ep gave me goosebumps. f*cking amazing. AND HELL YES HE’S RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT AGAIN. HELL YES.

okay I hate amy. I just hate her. and I want to see abbey more. ABBBEEEEEEY. WHERE’S ABBEEEY???

OMG TOBY. THAT WAS WAY OUT OF LINE. and now jed needs a therapist. I think toby missed his calling. he should be a shrink.

charlie was sassy af. don’t mess with charlie, cj, ever.

y’know sam has really grown on me. I never thought I would love him so much. but I do. precious marshmallow.

wait, but the pancreas doesn’t produce HCl. the stomach does. I really hope Abbey was sarcastic, bc otherwise it’s a pretty big mistake made by the writers. and I hope jed “see, they can’t take medical school from you” bartlet was sarcastic too. pls god.

yep, amy is still annoying.

I have a bad feeling about this ep. stirred. alcohol. leo. I don’t wike it.

jed and leo’s bromance is one of the best things in this show.

OH MY GOD. JOSH DID THE THING FOR DONNA. HE SAID HE WON’T BUT HE DID. DONNA, YOU PRECIOUS SNOWFLAKE, YOUR HAPPINESS MAKES ME CRY TEARS OF JOY. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH SWEET CHILD.

guys, Ritchie is Donald J. Trump. it’s so obvious. I cannnot believe this tv show, this season, aired 14 years ago.

jed to cj: you are part of my family. HELL YES. SHE IS. I LOVE THEM.

OH MY GOD. CJ BE SAFE FOR GOD’S SAKE.

donovan just showed up and I already ship him with cj.

okay I ship cj and donovan so much. don’t get me wrong, I love danny, but these two, right now, are RUINING ME. PERFECT.

*during the whole negative ad/tape thing*:

bruno: sam don’t talk to Kahn

sam: I’m going to talk to him

bruno: sam no

sam: sam yes

*sam does the thing* *shit’s going down*

bruno: ???????????

ANOTHER DEATH TREATH??? THEY SAW CJ IN THE MALL??? okay, it must’ve been the guy in the coat. I have a very bad feeling about this whole arc. ladjklasjdlasjdla

aaaand I still don’t like amy, at all.

I looove the chemistry between cj and donovan aljdslkdjals.

I LIKE THAT YOU’RE TALL. OMG CJ IS SUCH A DORK GIVE ME A BREAK.

jed bartlet: true or false, josh? my life would be better right now if you and your girlfriend swapt jobs? HE’S SAVAGE AF. OMG.

THEY ALMOST KISSED. CJ AND DONOVAN ALMOST KISSED. ALFJKASLJFLASJFA I NEED A KISSSSSS.

season 3 finale here I come.

it’s been a season and I don’t even know how does ritchie look like??? I’m curious. also I have a bad feeling about this whole assassination thing.

AND SIMON AND CJ KISSED THANKS GOD. THANK YOU.

okay simon just went into a store and I have a super bad feeling about it. ugggggh.

FRAAAAAAAACK THEY KILLED HIM. OMG OMG OMG LAFJKSLAKJDSFLASJF FRACK FRACK THIS FRACK. NO NOT HALLELUJAH NO GOD I’M CRYING NO THIS HURTS OMG I CAN’T

I’m so sad. he deserved better. cj deserved better I just.

AMY ADAMSSSSSSSS. WOW.

josh, donna and toby on a field trip. how cute.

mallory is so beautiful.

[AOS IS RENEWED. it’s not tww related but OMG I’M SO HAPPY. YYAAAAAAASSSSS. (and I still haven’t seen a single ep since 4x16 and I managed to avoid spoilers too. cannot wait to be back on tumblr and make philinda fanvids and aos stuff again. a little more than two months to go.)]

baby coulson on the west wing???? so freakin cute.

no, don’t talk to amy, josh, continue talking to donna. pls. can’t his relationship with amy end pls????

I WOULD VOUCH FOR DONNA WITH MY LIFE.

oh donna, my sweet potato. nicely played. josh, you deserved that prank.

wait, andy’s pregnant??? and toby’s the father??? I’m confused. aren’t they divorced or what?

OH MY GOD THEY PRANKED POOR TOBY. THIS SCENE WAS HILARIOUS. CRISIS OF CONFIDENCE. GENIUS.

jed just said to toby: “you, you big bear. come to me, I’m gonna kiss you right on the mouth.” I swear this is a really serious show. a political drama. pffffffff toby’s face is priceless. probably one of my fave scenes so far.

also pls abbey show up.  I miss you.

yay, joshua malina.

GAME ON BOYFRIEND AND SHE CUTS OFF HIS TIE. ABBEY IS A PHENOMENON. second fave scene. this show is epic you guys. cj fell through the door. as I said, a really serious show dealing with serious and important issues. THESE DORKS I SWEAR. and now jed slapt abbey’s butt. this ep is too much.

TOBY PRANKED JOSH. I LOVE THESE IDIOTS SO SO MUCH.

oh no, frack, his hand started shaking. and he needs an aspirin. I have a very very bad feeling about this.  he’s going to get worse. and so the angst begins.

I wish donna would leave this jack guy alone. I don’t like him.

poor jed and abbey, they’ve been interrupted like 10 times now. first sam, then leo and now toby. lmao

it’s so good seeing leo being happy and smiling.                

okay but josh told jack a bunch of crazy stuff about donna, bc he legit doesn’t want him to go out with her. this dumb dork I swear.

I love cj’s new haircut.

THOSE STORIES WOULD MAKE ME LIKE YOU. JOOOOOOSSSSSSSHHHHH WTH???? OMG I think this is the moment josh started to look differently at donna. THIS IS THE EXACT MOMENT HE STARTED DEVELOPING DEEPER FEELINGS FOR HER.

DAAAAANNNNNYYYYYYY’S BACK OMG DANNY IS BACK AND HE’S SANTA AND HE KISSED HER OMG OMG

zoey and charlie broke up?? how did I miss that?? or did it happen off screen???

danny is back and so is trouble.

the sexual tension between donna and josh intensifies aldjskjdalsjdlajdla. “Donna left?” his face. IT’S STARTING YOU GUYS. I CAN’T HANDLE IT ALFJSLDJASALFJALSKFAL

so I guess cj and danny aren’t together together.

my heart breaks for cj. seeing her dad like this. he doesn’t recognize her. *sigh* be strong cj, my sweet sass queen, be strong.i’ve been in cj shoes. my grandpa was ill too. and let me tell you, it’s so heartbreaking. he was clever as well, we couldn’t pursue him to go to a facilty, to get help. he was so stubborn too. it still hurts. but in the end, he accepted the help we offered him. he didn’t recognize us. he was so kind to us, but had no idea who we were. it was heartbreaking.

JOSH BEING JELAOUS IS ONE OF THE MOST BEAUTIFUL THINGS TO WITNESS. EVER.

the guys just showed up at donna’s place. this scene is pure gold.

“YOU LOOK AMAZING”GUYS I’M DONE. I’M SO DONE. THE WAY THEY LOOK AT EACH OTHER. I ADORED THEM BEFORE, BUT NOW THEY’VE BECOME THE GREATEST, PUREST AND MOST PERFECT OTP OF ALL TIME FOR ME. I’M IN SO DEEP. I CAN’T HANDLE THIS AFJSAKLFJALSFJALSKJFLASJ

Will, you precious dumb child.

sam: “hey everyone this is one of my best friends, this is donna moss” THEIR BROTP THO.

I’m gonna miss sam.

I really really wanted to see these dumb kids playing poker again. they haven’t done that since season 1. they’re adorable.

IT’S CHANDLER. CHANDLER BING IS ON THE WEST WING. THIS WILL BE AWESOMEEEEE.

listen guys, chandler is one of my all time fave characters and josh lyman is one of my all time fave characters and seeing matthew on the west wing is like a dream come true. is it just me, or does matthew perry’s voice sound a lot different, compared to his chandler voice???

OH SHIT SOMEBODY’S SHOOTING????WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?????

JOSH WAS WORRIED ABOUT DONNA. THE WAY THEY LOOK AT EACH OTHER I CAAAAAN’T HANDLE I CAN’T ALFJASKLFJLASKFJLASF THESE TWO RUINED ME

I wish charlie and zoey would get bet together again.

hoynes resigning??? wth happened????

jed to toby: “come on, give us a kiss.” this is the second time he said that to him lmao

DANNNYYYYYY’S BACK. I GET SO EXCITED WHENEVER HE’S BACK. I LOVE HIM SO MUCH.

I want toby to be happy. pls andy marry him and live happily together in your dream house.

omg he’s proposing omg. oh crap, why is she saying no??? my heart breaks for toby. look, I know he’s not the easiest person to be with and share a life with but still. he has such a big heart. this is truly heartbreaking.

YOU’RE  JUST TOO SAD FOR ME, TOBY. OH MY GOD. I CAN’T.

I just laughed out loud. ABBEY’S NEW HAIRCUT??? WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL??? I’m sorry, but it looks horrible. omg i can’t stop laughing. I can’t take her seriously. abbey, sweet unicorn, what did you do with your hair and most importantly, why???????????

zoey’s going to a party. this won’t end well. I hate jean paul so so much.

ARE YOU IN LOVE WITH JOSH???? OMGGGGG AMY.

ALDJSALKDHALSHDAL WHAT IS THIS EPISODE EVEN???? ZOEY’S MISSING??? DONNA IS IN LOVE WITH JOSH????? I’M JUST LIKE ??????!111/??!??!?!?!?!?!?!

;AJF;ASJFD;ASJDF;ASFJ;ASJF;AJDF;AJF;SJF;

toby has 2 kids now. I might cry. MAZEL TOV, TOBY.

great now his MS is getting worse. SHIT’S GOING DOWN THIS SHOW IS THE BEST AND THE WORST.

I don’t think I’ve ever said it, but I love margaret so much.        

the amount of shit going down in this ep is simply too much to handle.

Glenallen Walken creeps me out. he reminds me of jabba the hut.

it breaks my heart, seeing the bartlets being so desperate and sad

it’s so good to see, that ellie is so supportive of her father.

this ep gave me chills (5x1).

this arc is so painful.

THEY’VE FOUND HER THANKS GOD

amy still annoys me so much. I gotta check which ep will be her last. according to imdb, two more eps and she’s gone for 2 years. yesssssssssssssssssssss

and now josh’s kissing her. WHY???? JOSH, SON, PLS STOP IT.

I liked cj’s old haircut more tbh.

josh meeting the moss family. about time lmao.

cj lived together for 6 months with a guy named Ben???? what???

leo’s slowly becoming a b*tch.

donna is so beautiful.

I’d love to see jed being more presidential I guess. and leo can stop being so rude to everyone.

I feel so sorry for josh. LET ME LOVE YOU, YOU DUMB CHILD.

YES CJ. YES MY LOVE. YOU’RE THE MORAL COMPASS. YES. “I NEED YOU BACK. I NEED YOU TO LEAD.” YES, CJ, YES, THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT I WANT JED TO DO.

abbey asked jed to not come to new hampshire. OMG. FIX THIS PLS. I NEED THEM BACK TOGETHER. THIS IS SO MESSED UP I HATE IT.

LEO CALLED ABBEY. SHE’S THE REAL BOSS. OMG THIS IS GOING TO BE EPIC.

it’s so good seeing jed being badass and making the tough calls. I’ve missed that.

josh bought donna a christmas gift. I’m having season 1 vibes aldjsakdjal and now she’s disappointed. but he was joking OMG THESE TWO ARE RUINING ME I CAN’T. also I need to know what the gift was.

where is ginger???

I love donna so so much.

I really don’t know where are the writers going with this rina/toby plotline.

I miss sam, danny, ginger, bruno. I miss the earlier seasons. idk something feels off. I still enjoy the show, but something’s a bit off.

okay but why is cj seeing this ben guy??? aren’t her and danny dating? or are they just that casual about it???

as I said before, tww is a very serious show, and the muppets just happen to show up at the white house. I can’t even.