#ambitionedit

[hehimbo]

JERIC GIFSET | @ambitionsource secret santa!!

Merry Christmas, Lena! @dunsbar

[ambitionsource]

I’VE BEEN TRYING TO FIND BALANCE WITH A LOT OF THINGS, ACTUALLY. And I’m still figuring it out, so even saying it feels kind of… I don’t know, but I also don’t think it’s going to change, even if sometimes in worse moments I want it to. But I think part of fixing that feeling is saying it, accepting it, sharing it with people who matter to me. I’m gay. And maybe that’s not really a big deal… but it is to me. Right now. And I wanted to share it with you all, because like Riley said, we’re family. You’re my friends, and I feel like you should know. Especially considering how patient you’ve been with me. You deserve the authentic me… even the parts I haven’t totally figured out.

Happy Pride Month! 🏳️‍🌈

[dunsbar]

SO WHEN HE BELTS OUT THAT LAST “BEING ALIVE”, we know how important it is. We know the weight it carries, because there was a time when he almost gave it up. We know just how deeply Farkle understands the beauty and fear and challenge and privilege of being alive.

AMBITION, S2E13 “The Sun Will Rise” (@ambitionsource)

[waterstribe]

@ambitionsource secret santa ❄ the front nine + enneagram types for maddi aka @lorelaisrorys 

featuring lyrics by sleeping at last - listen to his enneagram inspired album here!

[quincywillows]

I once believed love would be black and white, but it’s golden || then, there’s Zay, and it’s like… we’re in technicolor. how are you supposed to go back to settling for black and white when you’ve seen the rainbow?

( Catch up with AMBITION here or @ambitionsource )

my creation for AMBITION secret santa is dedicated to the original charlie j.p. gardner stan, the irreplaceable @farklelucas! katie, it has been one of the best joys and privileges being your friend in the last couple of years. i’ve loved getting to know you as a pal, a confidante, a collaborator, and every moment has shown me how kind your soul is and how beautiful your mind and heart are. you are the best parts of charkle (those who know know) rolled into one effervescent, imaginative, true blue warrior and i am so grateful to have you in my life. love you to the moon and back 💖

[ambitionsource]

I DON’T HAVE TIME TO WASTE. I don’t have time to waste on people who aren’t worth the effort. And I thought – I’ve had my experience with people who don’t keep their promises. I’ve had enough of it, forever, and so when you couldn’t be there for me and then twisted everything around, even when you said… even when we agreed to drop the antics… so I thought the solution was the same. The last time someone hurt me this way, they left, and that solved the problem. I never had to deal with them again because they were out of my life. Only I’m realizing that didn’t really solve anything. They’re gone, but the hurt is still there. Nothing about that situation is ever going to change, and it’s always going to hurt. Even with time. But maybe, here, things could still change. If we make the right choices, better choices, then no one has to go.

AMBITION, S2E8 ( “Got A Lotta Livin’ To Do” ) [ more @ambitionsource​ ]

[ambitionsource]

REGARDLESS OF WHAT I CHOOSE THOUGH, I need to be clear that I can’t be in the middle anymore. I love you both, but I am tearing myself apart trying to keep up with the constant back and forth. Trying to keep things civil in this family when I don’t think that’s supposed to be my job. And part of it is me – feels like I’m always looking for other things to focus on and fix rather than myself. But I can’t keep living like that. I need to start focusing on myself… and that comes with setting boundaries. I love you, dad, but I can’t carry your baggage with mom anymore. It’s your fight, not mine.

AMBITION, S2E11 ( “We’ll Be the Stars” ) [ more @ambitionsource​ ]

[ambitionsource]

YOU WANT ME TO TELL YOU HOW I REALLY FEEL? Fine. I think you’re being stupid. You’re being stupid about this assignment, when if you just took it seriously you might realize you could actually do lots of things with the right resources. That’s what Eric and Jack are there for. You’re being stupid about Riley, who has been nothing but nice to you despite you treating her like garbage. And you’re being stupid about the way you treat everyone else, including people who just want what’s best for you. You keep pushing, and pushing, and it’s like you want the rubber band to finally snap. Look at that and tell me it’s not fucking stupid! What’s so frustrating is that I know you’re not stupid, Lucas. I know that, but it’s like you don’t. Either that or you just don’t care, and I don’t know which one is worse!

AMBITION, S2E7 ( “Contingency Plan” ) [ more @ambitionsource​ ]

[ambitionsource]

YOU DON’T HAVE TO TREAT ME LIKE A HOUSE OF CARDS. I’m not going to keel over if you breathe too hard. You and I have never been soft with one another. Not in this kind of way, where you’re so obviously tip-toeing around me. I’m sorry if I’m being unpredictable. But I just want things to feel normal, alright? Like, if my best friends could just treat me like they always do, then maybe the absence wouldn’t be so pronounced. If everything else could stay the same, then a major change wouldn’t feel so earth-shattering. So can we just… I don’t know, can we just stop? I already feel bad that you’re giving up your time in Los Angeles to sit around and pity me, I don’t need to hear it in your voice, too.

AMBITION, S2E13 ( “The Sun Will Rise” ) [ more @ambitionsource​ ]

[ambitionsource]

I THINK LOVE IN IT OF ITSELF IS INHERENTLY SELFISH. And that’s weird, because love is supposed to be the ultimate virtue, you know? But it’s so dangerous, when you let it get out of control. It’s looking at something or someone and saying I like that thing so much, I want it all to myself. I want it always, I want it to be mine. And that’s selfish. And for a person who tries really damn hard to be good, and virtuous, it’s amazing how much of a contradiction I can be. Perfect and polished on the outside, but one crack from breaking to pieces on the inside. Acting like I care about Christian values, about helping others, when it took me way longer than anybody else to determine that even showing up for someone else could be the right choice if it put me in any sort of jeopardy. Being so consumed by this thing that’s supposed to be the most powerful good there is, consumed by love, but somehow twisting it into a selfish thing. Loving but with conditions attached, keeping it secret, holding that love so tightly in my grip that they can’t even remember how to move freely anymore. All because I’m selfish, and I’m a coward. I’m so scared of the truth – of who I am, the selfishness and… and being gay – that I’m constantly running, only now I realize I’ve been dragging everyone else along behind me while I do it. I’m running, and running, and they’re the ones getting the bruises and the scuffs and the dirt while I get to maintain my squeaky clean, inoffensive persona. And I don’t want to be that way. I’m done being that way… but I don’t know what I’m supposed to do next.

AMBITION, S2E12 ( “Final Run” ) [ more @ambitionsource​ ]

[ambitionsource]

IT JUST GOT TOO EASY TO DEFLECT. Do you know what I mean? Like things were never good, but then with each thing that got stacked on top of each other in the last month it just felt like another good reason to fall apart. To let another screw go loose, and push away another person who was trying to fix it, until I was standing in the precinct parking lot with a whole bunch of… spare parts, junk, and no clue how they fit together anymore. And I’d done a good job of telling everybody to fuck off, so there’s no one left to help me put things back together. Now I’ve just got to… do it. It just sucks that it took hitting every rock on the way to the bottom for me to realize it. I got there, and now I’ve got to try and fix it, but no amount of reason is a good enough excuse for the way I’ve been treating people. Especially you. So I’m genuinely sorry.

AMBITION, S2E9 ( “World Uncertain” ) [ more @ambitionsource​ ]

[ambitionsource]

I JUST DON’T GET WHAT ELSE I’M SUPPOSED TO DO. It’s like, I’m doing everything I’m supposed to. I’m trying and I’m trying and giving everything I’ve got. And all I know is that when I went out there in the real world, when we put our stuff to the test, I came out on top. Kossal looked at all of us and chose me, I was identified as the top player. I was the one worth acknowledging, worth accolading, worth… stepping up to be proud of. So how can that be true, but in every other way it’s the opposite? I’m still just shoved into the background?

AMBITION, S2E7 ( “Contingency Plan” ) [ more @ambitionsource​ ]

[ambitionsource]

YES, I TRIED TO KILL MYSELF. No, it didn’t work, so you’re all still stuck with me. And yes, somehow, I’m pretty sure -- like ninety percent -- that I’m grateful for that. And despite how poorly constructed the mythos around this lesson is to make it not about me, I, for one, am in full support of the concept. The fact of the matter is that while it’s treacly and forced, Mister Matthews and Miss Burgess are right. I’m not positive it would have changed the course of events -- only an experiment with repeated trials could prove that, and unfortunately that’s near impossible to achieve -- but there’s a good chance that had I been less constricted in my own head and had the chance and courage to talk about the things I was feeling with the right people, certain tragic choices could have been curtailed. The experience did open my eyes, and it’s given me a change of heart. Considering the conceit of the lesson this week, and I think now is as good a time as any to announce it. I’ve decided that, in the spirit of not bottling things up, I am going to be one hundred percent honest about absolutely everything I am thinking and feeling from now on.

AMBITION, S2E10 ( “Rarely Pure and Never Simple” ) [ more @ambitionsource​ ]

[ambitionsource]

ALL I KNOW IS THAT WHEN ALL WAS SAID AND DONE, Lucas stood up for me. I know he’s going through a lot right now and hasn’t been acting much like himself, but you and I both know that he always looks out for his friends. He never lets anyone else take the fall. That’s still true, and I still think that the person we’ve had as our best friend for three years, faults and all, is who he really is. I believe that, so I’m not going to drop him. However… if you decide that you don’t want to deal with it anymore, then that’s okay too. He messed up, and you have every right to decide that you’ve had enough and not forgive him. Or even if you do forgive him, you don’t have to let him back into your life. It’s all up to you, and it’s something that you have to come to on your own I think. I’m just saying, whatever you choose to do will be the best one for you. I believe that, too. And I’ll support it no matter what… although, I’m pretty sure the best choice will be the right one. I’m not worried.

AMBITION, S2E9 ( “World Uncertain” ) [ more @ambitionsource​ ]

[dunsbar]

ZAY DELIVERS A KILLER RENDITION, doing exactly what Charlie said he would – blow everyone out of the water with his raw talent. All year long he’s been forcing his dancing expertise, it was easy to forget how powerful a vocalist he is as well. There’s a reason he earned a ranking as one of the sophomore divas, and after this, no one is ever going to forget it again.

AMBITION, S1E12, “The World Will Never Be The Same” (@ambitionsource)

[dunsbar]

HER VOICE GETS LOUDER AND MORE POWERFUL, and she finishes the song with tears of anger spilling from her eyes. She’s done hiding who she is, trying to mold herself to how people expect her to be. She’s not a techie, she’s not a performer – she’s Isadora freakin’ De La Cruz, and she’ll do whatever the hell she wants.

AMBITION S1E12, “The World Will Never Be The Same” (@ambitionsource)